#bitch if you're offended by this that's on you I am talking about myself to myself get outta here lol
Note
Fareeha Amari is now a canon lesbian I think this will please you
Love that everyone mentioned me in this
Okay, so a lot of this is for @seolh who asked for the tealdeer for the short story because she knows I hate myself and have no sense of fucking self-preservation even a little bit, even at all. Overwatch is EXTREMELY difficult for me to drag myself away from, even if at this point (in some ways because of something I am about to complain about) my Lena, Fareeha, Angela, etc, are all BASICALLY original characters with their own gifts and weaknesses and internal lives that the game and its surrounding media is not interested in. I still have feelings for it in a weird fucked up way. It's my toxic not-quite-ex
ANYWAY THAT BEING SAID.
Things I loved:
Pharah being gay, obviously. But I'm going to be honest here--at this point what BlizzOfficial does has no bearing on my characters as I see them.
The slight nod to Pharah being a by the book weirdo with her seatbelt still fucking fastened when the flight is in any motion at all. Loved that. Actually that was my favorite part of the story. Thought it was great.
Love anytime we use callsign vs first name as an intimacy identifier, though, it DOES bug me that we become intimate with Baptiste in *checks watch* 3 pages.
Did not like:
So a lot of the problem I have with the surrounding media is partly Blizz' fault and partly the way we have now constructed our interaction with media on the internet. The percentages of which I'm not sure. But the writing, the characterization is BLAND. There is not a single bold choice made with any character in this story. Before you say "But Pharah is a lesbian!!!" This is an American game made by Americans, mostly, for Americans, mostly. That is the cultural context of the game. Like it or don't, it is true. Pharah being a lesbian given the game demographics is not all that bold. I'm not complaining about that specifically. What I'm saying is: These characters are milquetoast as FUCK. You can't be opposed to how either Pharah or Baptiste are portrayed because they are portrayed in such a textbook inoffensive way that they can neither fail nor rise. This is by design. I am not actually blaming the author. I am sure she had a brief that said "Every character has to speak and behave like like a textbook White American lest we be branded bigots on the internet." But it's annoying, and I know OW has, historically, had a very very annoying fandom that has cried wolf so many times and had so much infighting and had some of the WORST FAITH ENGAGEMENT with social justice I have EVER fucking seen, to the point of me finding it EMBARRASSING, but. It still leads to me looking at Pharah and Baptiste and being like "I have no clue who these bitches are and becaus eI cannot hate them I cannot love them"
"I would have thought it was obvious. I'm not passing, am I?" this is a very very weird line. If you're gonna have Pharah talk like a fucking White Midwestern American 24/7* she's going to say something like, "Do I look straight?" or something. I'm not offended just confused.
It seems they've decided that Pharah did in fact grow up with Overwatch around her all the time despite Ana sometimes being an absentee parent, I guess? I know it's been ping-ponged for awhile, and I admit to disappointment that they came down on this side, not for the least of which reasons that it makes it disappointing that ...everyone else also abandoned her? She said she's hadn't seen Cole in years. Angela? Jesus Christ, how does this woman not have significant issues. (Oh right. Milqued Toast.) It also makes Fareeha/Angela a weirder thing for me, so I will put it out of my mind immediately.
*Obviously I do not love this choice, but I do think it's a fair one and I understand why it's made. Please keep that in mind when I rag on it, I'm not actually IN REAL LIFE mad about it.
#This seems funny but in many ways I am legitimately very sad about what happened to OVerwatch#I know all I have is my functionally OCs#and I DO love and cherish those of you who love them#but man#And to add insult to injury I REALLY REALLY WANT THE LENA PRIDE SHIRT
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Mercury's Date Advice
Mercury: What's up dudes and dudettes, it's your main man, Merc, here to deliver unto you poor souls the divine wisdom of myself, Mercury Black. The topic is dating, which I am an expertin because I am a romantic as fuck motherfucker.
Mercury: Every last one of these steps will impress your bitch... I-I mean your girl.
Mercury: Number one, skip the rom-coms. Instead, put something funny in. Like that movie, Tuesday. That movie's hilarious and will have you laughing all night.
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Emerald: (Bored out of her mind)
Mercury: BOOM! Knocked on yer ass! AH HA HA!
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Mercury: And by the way, ladies, if I use the term "bitches," please don't be offended. It's just something you gotta understand; dudes are dudes and bitches are bitches. I don't make the rules.
Mercury: Number two, every woman loves a fancy dinner date, so take her somewhere she'll never forget.
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Emerald: (At McSchnees)
Mercury: Now on Wednesdays, everything is 20% off. I don't normally tell people this, but you're different, because I love you.
Emerald: (Blushes)
Mercury: So order something cheap.
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Mercury: Number three, if you see your girl talking with another guy, don't be jealous. Be cool! Relax, take a deep breath...
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Emerald: And you're sure he'll like it?
Jaune: Definitely! I think it will really help him open- AGH! I'VE BEEN SHOT!
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Mercury: ...and light up that motherfucker.
Mercury: Number four, bitches. Love. Roses. Nobody knows why, but bitches are just hard-wired to get horny from roses. So get her some.
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Mercury: How much for the roses?
Mercury: ...Sixty lien?! What, do these roses double as Grimm repellent?!
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Mercury: Tell your girl she's beautiful. Even if she's fat, old, ugly, and looks like a wet hobbit from the bad part of the shire. She'll appreciate it, and she'll love you even more.
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Mercury:
Emerald: (Cocks a brow at him in confusion)
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Mercury: Number six, don't be afraid to let your guard down! Let yourself be vulnerable! Fall in love! I still remember the day I did...
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Cinder: Mercury, this is Emerald.
Emerald: (Looks down at him)
Mercury: ...I'm gon smash dat bitch.
Emerald: Uh...
Mercury: Raw.
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Mercury: Number seven, last but not least, don't cheat on your girl. Okay, it's not worth it! I've never cheated a day in my life...
Mercury: ...
Mercury: ...Snrk! Oh, uh, we can cut that, right?
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Mercury: I've also been divorced about fifteen times, so I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
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Hi! Thank you for agreeing to a matchup exchange! Could I please get a romantic male matchup for Bungo Stray Dogs, Jujitsu Kaisen, Sk8 the Infinity, and (only if it's not too much) Yuri!!! On Ice?
Pronouns: She/Her
Sexuality: Straight
Age: 20
Zodiac Sign: Gemini
MBTI: INFJ-A
Personality: I'm pretty quiet in social settings but if someone talks to me first, I can keep a conversation going. I will occasionally go up to someone to initial a conversation but not very often. With people that I'm close with, I'm very open and sarcastic. And I make a lot of self-depreciating jokes (even though I have a high self worth). I set very high standards for myself but I also usually meet those standards. People say I have a good poker face/a scary glare but I've never seen it. People also say I look like someone who "knows what they're doing".
Likes/Hobbies: Reading, writing, anime, video games, and listening to music (stuff like Hamilton, Panic! at the Disco and Offspring). I want to be a fantasy writer and I am currently studying an English major at university.
Dislikes: Spiders (deathly afraid of those), being forgotten when I'm gone, and disappointing those who I care about.
Looks: I'm 164cm (5'4") and have an average build (not too curvy but definitely not straight up and down). I have green eyes that everyone thinks are brown and curly/frizzy dark brown hair that is down to the middle of my back.
What I Look for in a Partner: Someone honest and caring. Someone who treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I don't really have a preference on appearance; personality is far more portent to me.
Hopefully I've put a good amount of useful information! I hope you have a lovely day and that life is treating you kindly!
~Eren
hi hi! sorry it took me so long to answer, ik i said it would be earlier but then life got insane. anyway, i hope these are okay!
For BSD I'd match you with Ranpo Edogawa :p
i think ranpo would be a good match just because there's so much you can teach each other. from how to be sociable at all times to how to calm tf down and not run your mouth *glares at ranpo* i think you two would be cute together
For JJK I'd match you with Satoru Gojo
i just think this would be a power couple move, if that makes sense. but you'd be more behind the scenes in this one instead of out on the "battlefield". i think you two would get along so, so well but at the same time like not everyone would know how powerful you two are together because you both don't always show it unless you have to. he'd be pretty protective over you too, which is nice (at least for me).
For SK8 I'd match you with Kojiro Nanjo
i think he's a good fit just because of the personality shpeel you gave; think kind of like cherry and him, but you're a little more self deprecating in your jokes. i think that would be a challenge for him because he wouldn't exactly know if you're joking or not, and he'd get nervous that his jokes offended you somehow. i very much think you could win a lot of insult wars that way.
And lastly, for Yuri!!! On Ice I'd match you with Victor Nikiforov :)
the self deprecating jokes would have him on his knees trying to tell you how beautiful you are. i don't think he'd be too into anime because he doesn't have a ton of time to watch it and i think you'd spend time trying to get him into your interests so he stops focusing on everything else that runs him down or puts pressure on him. he's definitely the honest and caring personality type, but he's also egotistical and a bitch but hey. it's victor.
i hope these were good! i'll send in my req for the exchange soon, i promise! <3
#bsd#bsd matchup#bungo stray dogs#anime matchups#character matchup#character ships#bungou stray dogs#ranpo edogawa#ranpo imagines#ranpo my beloved#ranpo x you#ranpo x y/n#gojo saturo#satoru gojo#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk matchups#jjk character ships#yuri on ice#gojo x reader#satoru x reader#victor nikiforov#victor x reader#sk8 the infinity#sk8 matchup#sk8 joe#kojiro nanjo#sk8 joe x reader#joe x reader#𓆩⟡𓆪
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Demigods as John Mulaney Quotes bc I apparently didn't do this years ago
Percy
“Sometimes I get nervous on airplanes.”
“Why do people always shush animals?”
“And then my mom said, ‘I made a salad with Craisins!’ And the conversation ended.’”
“In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.”
“You want it? Go get it!”
Annabeth
“Street smarts!”
“Uhm, does anyone have a laptop charger I could borrow…?”
“It's tomorrow now.”
Jason
“But you saw what they were doing to Tyler, and yet you did nothing?”
“Ah yes, the title of alpha—-which I once had—-how can I reclaim it?”
“And what a mighty king I will be, eating dinner at 4:45 in the afternoon.”
“I always try to be really polite in life, so like if I had amnesia, you'd never know it. I'd wake up and they'd be like ‘Hi [Jason], we're so happy you're awake.’ And I'd just be like, ‘Oh, hey, man, how's it going?’"
Piper
“Yeah, you can make fun of me. Just don't say that I’m a bitch and that you don't like me.” *cue intense confusion from Jason*
“No, that's the thing I’m sensitive about!”
Hazel
*takes a breath* “Oh god, it's the old times.”
“First off, no.”
“Thirteen year olds are the meanest people in the world.”
“You know when you're twelve, when you're like ‘no one look at me or I’ll kill myself!’”
Frank
“I don't know what my body is for, other than just taking my head from room to room,”
“My vibe is more like ‘hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I'll probably apologize to you!’”
“I wasn't offended as a boy being mistaken for a lady, I was offended, as a lady, who was getting pushed around by this chauvinist asshole—-who works at bLOckBuSteR ViDeo—-who was talking to me like I’m some floozy! I am a proud Asian American woman, and you will treat me with respect!”
Leo
“Because it's the one thing you can't replace.”
“And I said ‘no.’ You know, like a liar.”
“SCATTER!”
“This is an on-fire garbage can…could be a nursery.”
Nico
“You ever seen a ghost?”
“Excuse me, I am homeless, I am gay…”
*imitating an old gay man* “you want me to do what?”
“McDonald’s! McDonald’s! McDonald’s!”
“He could look at a child and guess the price of their coffin.”
Will
“Pff, you’re not gonna faint!”
“Take your goddamn Epipen, and geT OUT!”
Reyna
“You can do whatever you want forever!”
“Brush your teeth! Now, BOOM, orange juice! That's life.”
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roasting side kinnies except i'm actually really mean to all of them
if you get offended easily please leave i don't wanna actually hurt anyone's feelings /g
alright now on with the show! i'm warning y'all this is gonna be so mean cuz i hate when people are like "roasting side kinnies!!" and then are super nice to all of them except their least favorite like no i believe in equality, everyone gets roasted for real here.
roman kinnies: (i'm roasting myself here) not everything is about you. please put the hero complex away, nobody cares. you're selfish as fuck and you take without giving so much that you just expect everyone else to be okay with it. if anybody messes with your makeup routine, they're a dead bitch, and honestly, that's really pathetic. no matter how much makeup you wear, you're probably gonna look even uglier than when you had none on.
logan kinnies: literally stop talking about how underrated logan is, he's not underrated anymore! everyone likes logan! you constantly need to be right all the time and you pick fights for no reason just so you can win them. we get it! you're smart! but honestly you probably aren't as smart as you think you are. half the time you just sound like the human equivalent of the nerd emoji.
virgil kinnies: please for the love of god stop talking about how you're the therapist friend. you're not. you're literally the one who dumps all your problems onto people. no actual therapist friends constantly whine about how they're the therapist friend. also please stop infantilizing yourself it's really embarrassing to watch. you're not a "smol bean" or a "tuf lil guy". also stop with the whole "janus abused virgil and it's canon" thing like it's not canon. this is sanders sides not an anime.
janus kinnies: it's okay you can just say you have no personality. because literally what is this man's personality? nothing. you think your sarcastic lil jokes are funny and that they're roasting people but they honestly make me curdle up in secondhand embarrassment. you refuse to accept that janus was in the wrong for manipulating roman, and that he totally had the middle school librarian thing coming. you just kin virgil and want to be different, i know what you are. you're a fucking aquarius (i am too).
remus kinnies: okay half of y'all aren't even remus kinnies because you guys mischaracterize him so bad. get out of here with the "poor wittle remus just wants the same treatment roman gets" like no the fuck he doesn't and roman doesn't even have it that good. also please stop spamming song lyrics we are so tired of reading the lyrics to forbidden fruit. also forbidden fruit sucks ass, someone had to say it.
patton kinnies: ah yes i saved my least favorite for last. you guys have victim complexes bigger than the catholic church. literally all of y'all are annoying as fuck but not in the cute way. in the "jesus christ please stop pretending to be an innocent angel who has never done anything bad" way. i know defending patton is your full time job because he's done so much awful shit but y'all boutta be fired because "he's trying his best" is literally not a reason come on now. it's ironic that you guys are the least sympathetic tss fans i know but also not because patton is not that sympathetic either.
#sanders sides#thomas sanders#tss#roman sanders#logan sanders#virgil sanders#janus sanders#remus sanders#patton sanders#sanders sides fandom#ez's rambles#tw for me being a meanie#like really mean#is it obvious that i fucking hate patton#but this is just for funsies please don't dox me#like i literally roasted roman too and i kin him this is all in good fun
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Hi bitches!!
I have a workplace question for you. I am very happy at low-paying entry-level job but recently was recommended for a slightly promoted position at a much better-paying company. I applied, telling only my direct supervisor and another senior member of my department (for a reference), who were both supportive. My direct supervisor is interested in pulling together some incentives to get me to stay and, because the reason I’m applying for other jobs is primarily financial, I gave her permission to talk to our division’s VP about options.
There is a woman in our department, S., who is a senior staff person only a few years older than me. I’ve noticed since she started that she has a bit of an issue with boundaries. She’s befriended me and we frequently go to lunch or take a walk around the neighborhood. Initially, I thought this would be a good mentoring/networking opportunity to get so much face time with a senior staff person and we became fast friends.
Recently, a new person started in the department who turns out is a long-time friend of S. and since then, the three of us have been going to lunch or taking a coffee break/walk. Since S’s friend started, I’ve noticed increasing red flags—the walks are getting longer and more frequent, and one day, while out for lunch, the friend asked me to name who I didn’t like in the office which I declined to do. Additionally, S told me while walking that she thought a major project we are working on would be a failure and that she would “know it was me” if the rumor that she wasn’t happy with the project got out. While I don’t mind cultivating friendships in the workplace, I feel singled out for attention among the junior staff. Neither of them seems to realize how insistent S has been in getting me to join them and that because of her higher position, it’s been awkward to turn her down. I’ve been trying to trying to subtly distance myself from them the last few weeks because I don’t want the wider office perception to be that I’m in a clique.
So this all ties together when S.‘s friend asked me if I was leaving for a job that paid $20,000 more a year. I asked her where she had heard that from and she said that S had told her and that S was offended that I hadn’t told them and that I was considering leaving. It was sort of a joke but also…in S.’s position feels sort of not? I went to the senior official that I had asked for a reference and asked if she had told S that I had applied for another job and she said no. Between us, we figured that after my direct supervisor talked to our VP, he must have talked to S about package options and she has now has told her friend all the details of this potential job and started sharing that I’m thinking of leaving. This senior manager offered to talk to my direct supervisor on my behalf but I told her not to worry, saying that it wasn’t a big deal.
But the more I think about it, the more offended I am—it was a breaking of my privacy around potential salary negotiations and sharing a conversation the VP assumed was confidential. But I’m not sure what to do—I don’t want to get her in trouble or cause more workplace drama but I also want my supervisors to know that Im not gossiping and to recognize that the preferential way she’s been treating me hasn’t been necessarily my choice. Bitches, what should I do?
Holy toxic workplace, Batman.
Even if you don't get this other job... you need to leave. Promise us you'll keep applying to other jobs!
Few things are more toxic and destructive than workplace cliques, especially when they play on power dynamics like this. I kept getting a fucking HORROR MOVIE sense off foreboding reading this! I'm so worried for you!
In the meantime, the right thing is to lessen your walks with the workplace mean girls. Tell them you're too busy, or you rolled your ankle or some shit. And again, apply to more jobs. Even if your current job offers you more... consider it a temporary raise. The real problem is this fucking drama, not your compensation. You're best off getting out of there as soon as possible.
Are You Working on the Next Fyre Festival?: Identifying a Toxic Workplace
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Faerun!Alisaie vs the House of Grief
But before that (which surprises Controller Person who's used to not getting virtual nookie until AFTER doing a LI's companion quest...
Shadowheart: So ... Alisaie... You've been practicing your stealth lately, haven't you?
Alisaie: Yes--
Astarion: I am still hurt, by the way. In case you were at all curious.
Alisaie: Look, let the lovely lady finish her thought and plan me a plan about how to rob a very powerful wizard.
Astarion: Oooh. That is more of a challenge than some old printing press...
Alisaie: Also there were no people in the basement. Just those Steel Watch things. Even if it had come to a fight, no snacks.
Astarion: ...All right, I suppose I forgive you.
Shadowheart: Anyway... I wondered if you might want to sneak out a bit tonight. I have ... plans, of a sort. You brought me night orchids, and ... well ... now maybe you can help teach me how to swim...?
Alisaie: I could definitely do that. There is ... all kinds of incentive for that.
Mizora: I find myself rather tempted to say "Just fuck already" ... but I do recognise that you're working on it.
Alisaie: And why the fuck are you still here, again?
Mizora: I want these Absolutist assholes to pay for nabbing me ... and frankly I'm bored. Oh, hell-drama is fiery and convoluted, but this is just ... cute. A change is as good as a rest, as they say, and I deserve a vacation!
Karlach: Shut your fucking face, you obnoxious--
Wyll: Karlach, don't taunt the literal devil...
Karlach: I WILL HAVE HER SPINE AS A BACK-SCRATCHER!
Shadowheart: ...You knew this was going to cause an argument, didn't you.
Alisaie: Astarion wasn't going to let us leave without making a big thing of it unless I gave him something more entertaining to watch. Now c'mon. Let's teach you to swim.
Shadowheart: So if I ask you to turn around while I get undressed, will you peek?
Alisaie: You'd be very offended if I didn't. And if I asked you to turn around...?
Shadowheart: I wouldn't do it at all. But I'm a little more direct about these things than you are. That's half the fun.
Alisaie: I will warn you right now - sand will get everywhere.
Wyll: *tosses his cloak Alisaie's way while still restraining Karlach from ripping Mizora's tail from her ass*
Alisaie: We've both got one but a little extra never hurts. *tips a salute of thanks to Wyll, exits stage beach-nookie*
And, to kill the afterglow somewhat, the House of Grief
Shadowheart: Thank you. For doing this. They're going to be...
Griefmaiden At The Door: I thought you were too much of a coward to come back. So I suppose it's just that you have no shame--
Alisaie: Can I punch her in the mouth? I really want to punch her in the mouth.
Shadowheart: Save the punching for the Mother Superior.
On being led to the Mother Superior
Viconia: Well. What do you have to say for yourself? After all the work I put into you, what do you have to say for yourself?
Shadowheart: WHERE ARE MY PARENTS, YOU BITCH?!?
Viconia: Well. I thought I did a better job with you. Stubborn wench.
Alisaie: Um ... okay, Sharrans only get this bitter over anything to do with Selune, and Aylin was really quick to hand over Selune's blessing and this smug bitch is talking about... Did you steal a potential Selune favourite for yourself?
Viconia: Oh, no. You. Blondie. Hand her over and you can leave with Shar's blessing. We need to strip a few lessons from this one.
Alisaie: ...*steps over to Viconia*
Shadowheart: ...Alisaie...?
Alisaie: *takes Viconia by the shoulders* Elfsong Tavern says hello, you vindictive ghoul. *HEADBUTT*
Wyll; Gale: *exchange looks*
Gale: I'll go left; you go right.
Wyll: Got it. *Cloud of Daggers on one choke point*
Gale: *Wall of Fire on another choke point*
Shadowheart: Use fire and radiant! Poison, not so much! Also they can see in even magical dark!
Viconia: You're giving up all our secrets now?!?
Shadowheart: .........ELFSONG TAVERN SAYS HELLO, YOU SLAVE-DRIVING FREAK OF NATURE!
Alisaie: Thaaaaaat's the spirit! *Slashing Flourish on a couple of incoming mooks*
Stabnation: *significantly ensues*
And, after all that...
Gale: Yet again, Astarion's going to be disappointed about you losing loot.
Alisaie: He's going to be helping us rob a wizard's sanctum, Gale. He'll cope. Besides, I wanted her to have to live with being beaten by a bunch of adventurers for the rest of her life.
Wyll: You have your moments of cruelty, and they're always so appropriate!
Shadowheart: ...They don't blame me! My parents, I mean! For ... for what I did when I didn't remember they were my parents! But ... but now I either hurt forever, or I ... I... Alisaie?!?
Alisaie: I'm sorry, Shadowsweets. I could do it for Wyll, but not you. Not after everything you've already done because someone else told you it was the right thing. Ask them what they want. It's their lives.
Shadowheart: ...You already know what their answer will be, don't you. But ... Wyll needs to hear it as much as I do. ...Stay with me?
Alisaie: Your pace. Always.
One bittersweet pyrrhic victory and minor mourning later
Wyll: What is it with evil fuckers and parents, hmm? What is that about?
Alisaie: Wouldn't know. Mine were shitlords. I'm really pissed we couldn't smash that stupid fucking mirror. It would have been so cathartic.
Shadowheart: So ... I was meant to be a faithful of Selune ... someone important there ... and the Sharrans stole me and ... it was just to piss Selune off, and... I ... need to process this ... but I'm not sure I'm in a space where I can ... just sit down and actually process it, all at once, you know?
Alisaie: I get it; it'd be like trying to swallow a ham hock whole. But! I can find us a nice little sublimation activity where you can vent some of that, maybe break it down into some metaphorical bite-sized chunks.
Wyll: Please don't tell Astarion about that whole deal. I really want to avoid the grumbling that ensued after he found out about the Oskar thing. Not that we're not swimming in gold at this point, but he gets ... intense. Also he's a little grumpy about how we didn't get a whole lot of treasure out of any of it.
Alisaie: NOT A WHOLE LOT OF--?!? Do you see this rapier that Lora gave me? Do you see it?
Wyll: Yes, but all Astarion knows is that he can't wield it.
Alisaie: Eh, he'll change his tune when I'm shoving it through Cazador's face. Anyway... Hands up who wants to make some assholes pay for trying to blow up refugee children?
Shadowheart; Wyll; Gale: *raise hands*
Gale: But ... then book?
Alisaie: Yes; then we pick up Astarion, get book, and then shove a rapier through Cazador's face.
Shadowheart: I ... meant to ask. Shadowsweets?
Alisaie: Riffing a bit on "sweetheart" there. I wanted to be a little imaginative in terms of endearments. No good? Do I need to workshop it some more?
Shadowheart: *bluuuuuush* No, no ... I ... I like it.
Alisaie: Good, because if we were going to sweet parts of your anatomy that it wouldn't be completely grotesque to have had my hands on ... or in...
Shadowheart: *blushing into near apoplexy* Alisaie!
Alisaie: Don't worry. *leans; whispers* But ... for private consumption?
Shadowheart: *somehow blushing even more, but a little smirk too* Just about everything of mine is for your ... private consumption.
Alisaie: *chuckles* Gods, I love you. Right. C'mon. We're being heroes, so... Wait. What are you two doing?
Gale: *having conjured popcorn and offering the bag to Wyll* ...nothing?
Wyll: *holding a piece of popcorn maybe an inch from his mouth* We ... just finished a really nasty fight and snacks help?
Alisaie: Look, if you want an actual performance, I'll do the ballad I wrote for Shadowheart at the first tavern we come to.
Shadowheart: You ... you wrote a...?!?
Alisaie: Yes, and I can't wait for you to hear it, so let's--
Other House of Grief Personages: *are way less chill about the fight than Nocturne was*
Alisaie: ...In fact, I so much can't wait for you to hear it that we're going to hit the Basilisk Gate, like ... nowish. I want to save some oomph for the anti-refugee assholes. ...Oh; unless you think any of these shitlords need to die, Shadowheart. Your call.
Shadowheart: Honestly, I'm over it. Don't care what happens to them. I want an ale to hide behind while you sing about ... well, me ... and then I want to kill people who are being shitty to refugees.
Alisaie: *to the world in general* Gods, I love this woman.
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Doesn't work like that, you're going to get complimented whether you want it or not (i am not posting yours cuz im saving what you've sent to re-read later :))
First of all, I don't think I've ever been so frustrated with someone's art quality/notes ratio. Your works look so professional, so rendered, your art style is so definitively yours, it's clear as day you're a pro, yet your art gets so little recognition???? Make it make sense, someone. I was debating if I should start with this one because it's not something super positive but, hell, if I get a chance to tell you one more time how much I admire your work and how underappreciated you are and how I wish it was seen by more people everywhere, I should take it, because you're being such a good sport about it but everytime I see a masterpiece from yours and I think 'ok, a post with thousands of notes to me' and then I look down and dont see these thousands I get very offended on your behalf 😤 If you're not angry then I will.
You sure do have a lot of niche interests but also you have this gift of making every topic interesting when you talk about it, I find myself in the trenches of spiderman: turn off the dark drama purely by learning about its lore from you.
I low-key wanna meet you in person even though I'm too chickenshit to actually show my face but it's so evident to me you're like the most chill, funniest person in the room and extremely likable, everyone probably feels lucky to have you as a friend and I'm jealous of those people.
p.s. yeah I asked top broadway producers and they said that random bitches on the most irrelevant social media who stan theater actors are the backbone of this industry and singlehandedly save it from bankruptcy every day. I negotiated a cut from profits for both of us 😎
@mutuals send me a 🍓 and ill compliment u!
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Ohh so you are doing a WIP ask thingy (I'm so intruged by First Aid it's so stupid 😅) 👀 how about 11 and 16? 👀
Yes I am still doing the ask game.
(Though honestly I'm an open book pretty much anytime for anything lol). So happy that you're intrigued by First Aid. It's a fic I love and loathe to write (only because long AUs are harddd)
11. What scene are you most hyped for this chapter/fic?
For this fic there are many moments but let me share with you my hilarious notes to myself:
TK talking to Arturo and getting more of an idea that he should twist himself into a badass pretzel to be what he thinks C. wants.
A BADASS PRETZEL.
And I thought I struggle with metaphors. This is clearly a masterpiece.
16. Write the next 5 sentences and share.
Jeremy whoops. With TK still on his arm, he walks over to the kitchen island filled with colorful bottles and plastic champagne flutes. No red cups allowed in a penthouse overlooking Manhattan. There is little of the floating high in TK’s veins left, but when Jeremy asks, “What are you and Carlos drinking?” he still holds onto the last strand of sanity and replies, “None for me. And Carlos-”
Carlos picks up where TK left off. “Just soda.”
Jeremy shrugs TK’s arm off and spins around to them. The music is still off, they still have an audience watching them for a chance that this might go sideways again. “Sorry, no. No sober bitches in my apartment. You wouldn’t want to offend me again, would you?”
Thanks for pushing me to write with this ask :D
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You're all disgusting pedos and you should stay away from kids. Normal people would have a problem with men, dressed in frocks and lipstick and go to the female bathroom. You literally have no reason to complain when half the society is lifting you up unfortunately for your bullshit by giving you opportunities which you Don't deserve in women sports. Just because you're a weak man afraid to stand up for yourself and are insecure of who you are, you bitch about your life and expects special treatment? The ban on your freakish trans rights was something good and effective after all, Kentucky did something good. When straight people even SAY something regarding the trans community, you get all defensive and bitch about it till no end and you have the audacity to even go as far as attacking us in mobs! Don't even get me started on those disgusting drag queens, they're fucking pedos and exposing such vile parts of their body needs to be categorized as child abuse. HOW are you okay with a grown adult flashing their privates at your children? That's legit disgusting and creepy and messed up. Fucking kill yourself disgusting groomer, you'll be doing everyone a favor 🙄 maybe then people won't get tired of your incessant whining and bitching
Hey dude, chill. Like, I can see what you're trying to do, but you're doing too much, so none of it's working.
You're trying to get me emotional so that when you tell me to kill myself at the end, I'll be caught up in the negativity and I'll go for it impulsively. But that's not gonna work if you can't at least write a coherent sentence. I need really solid logic to start doom-spiraling, or at least solid logic from my perspective. And uh, from the look of it, I don't think you can pull it off, yourself.
Like, okay, did you ever stop to think about why or how a transgender woman would be offended by you saying she was a "weak man"? Like, I'm not even a man, I don't care if I'm "weak" by masculine standards. You're full of shit either way though because I don't know what you could possibly mean by "afraid to stand up for yourself." I'm doing something that gets me hate like this and I've pretty consistently clapped back, even when it wasn't that funny. I'm doing it right now! Is this not standing up for myself? And I still accept Anon Asks, because you guys have yet to damage my self-esteem.
Anyway, I've never taken part in or encouraged the brigading of any TERF or transphobe ever. And I never would! That's not how my brain works. I feel sorry for you all, I talked about that pretty recently, because I understand that your mindset comes from a place of pain that I was in myself for years. And unlike you, when I see people who are doing something gross I think how miserable they must be and how I can help fix that problem. Even when I know I can't! So, yeah, even a cursory glance at my blog would've done you some good here.
I've never gotten special treatment in my life, or at least not for being trans. I live in rural Kentucky, and I feel like I've said that more than once, so...y'know, again, you could've figured that one out pretty easily. But anyway, it just means I'm scared in public. Do you think the MAGA-hats and Yee-Yees out here drop rose petals at my feet when they clock me and tell me how brave and noble I am for wanting tits? If I said anything too fag-y to the wrong one, they'd just pull out their conceal carry and fucking kill me. That's not even basic knowledge of me, that's just basic knowledge of the political climate.
Also, I don't care about sports. I never have and I never will, I don't think they should be played on a professional level at all, so even if we are ruining women's sports (which nobody watches), I...don't give a shit. I feel like I've said this more than once, so I really am just appalled.
Also, I don't care about drag, I never have and I never will. Though, I must give you some credit here, I haven't talked about that one before, because I'm not, like, militantly apathetic, I'm just apathetic.
I don't think it should be banned but also I'm never going to go to a drag show ever. To me, banning it is kind of like banning the opera, if that makes sense. Like, not everyone likes it, some people find it or the people who enjoy it irritating, but usually it's just not for those people. It would be kind of self-absorbed to label it "immoral" though.
I guess I shouldn't be too offended, but I'm only really offended in the first place that you didn't bother to get to know your mark. Am I somehow worth harassing yet not worth the effort of doing it right? Come on, man. Give me a little respect here. If not for me, then for the love of the craft.
You're never going to pierce my cynicism without cyberstalking me and saying something brutal and devastating based on the oversharing I've done. Give that a shot next time, I know you can do it. It'll be rough, you'll have to think really hard, but I believe in you, and I can't wait to see what you come up with Angry-Drunk Anon
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You know what? I kept thinking about that post I reblogged about the skin care tags and I am NOT siding with the person who used those tags. That person's an asshole. However, the majority of people in this site do have a major problem with self-care and recovery. Like, someone posts some tips or hints for stuff they've tested out or advice that was given to them and there's always--ALWAYS--some people up in arms and offended that someone would even dare to say that, much less try it.
I've seen people getting worked up over someone daring to suggest a bath could possibly help with their current state of mind and/or mood. It legit does. How many times did I go x amount of time without a shower because I didn't have the energy or felt it wasn't worth it? Far too many to count. And every time I showered I almost instantly felt so much better and felt my mind clearing up.
Eating food (not junk food), drinking water, keeping yourself clean and even exercising helps make you feel so much better. And I won't sit here and say it's easy keeping a schedule and/or a routine because it is not. At least not at first. I started and stopped short of a week so many times. So many! It was nuts! At the start you're always gonna lack energy or a desire to do it and you'll even find yourself in a heated debate with yourself over whether you wanna do it or have the energy to. You're gonna find yourself thinking "One time/day without ____ isn't gonna hurt." And sure, usually it doesn't. Like my nutritionist said, "Do your very best and push yourself but if you miss out or need to skip then don't worry, shit happens." But sometimes that 1 day turns into 2 and then 3 and then 4 and before you know it you're back to your old harmful habits again. You have to fight tooth and nail through that mentality and eventually you'll be able to just do it without much effort at all. It gets so much easier if you just put some effort.
I even read a post about someone bitching about the post saying to try to brush your teeth. Like, this asshole was legit complaining that someone was recommending to at the very least brush your teeth. I remember the original post, I even commented on it encouraging people to brush their teeth because I very recently went through some teeth work. There is currently almost $4,000 in my mouth and I'm still not done. Teeth are insanely expensive, hardly ever covered by insurances and depending on the procedure they can be uncomfortable and painful with long recoveries. But like I said, a lot of people on this site love to fucking complain about posts that talk about self-care, recovery or advice that tells people to fucking do something instead of just rotting away with their thumb up their ass.
Dude, I spent years ignoring so much shit, ignoring doctor appointments, ignoring my own well being and it did nothing but screw me over. It took a massive fright in regards to my health to make me wake up. I legit thought I was gonna die but I didn't and you know what? Now I gotta use all my energy to undo all the damage I did to myself because I didn't wanna listen to anyone's advice or take some goddamn responsibility and take care of myself. It's taken a lot of hard work but I've gotten all my conditions under control, I'm going to ALL of my appointments, I'm taking all my medications, watching what I eat and how much of it I eat, doing research into my conditions to better understand them and I've lost almost 20 pounds in under a month. I feel absolutely amazing for the first time in almost 2 decades. I'm not even ignoring my mental health anymore, I'm working to find appointments to be able to fight back all this nonsense that led to this crap.
No one is making posts with advice to make you feel like shit or shame you. No one. These posts are mostly done by people who have gone through shit and wanna give others some advice so they don't go through what they went through. Fuck, I sure as shit don't want anyone to go through the scares I did so if asked I'll give advice, I'll link others to information, I'll reblog advice and/or information because whether you like it we all need advice and help from others. Just because it rubs you the wrong way it doesn't mean people are doing it to be mean or make you feel guilty or whatever nonsense you think people are trying to do.
It really takes a very specific kind of cunt to see a post talking about health advice or self-care and decide to make a counter-post to bitch about the post. Sit the fuck down and shut your ungrateful ass up.
And I'm totally disabling the rb option cuz y'all (not my mutuals, you guys are amazing) are fucking clowns and I don't have time for you.
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https://heliosoll.tumblr.com/post/690825429492416512/i-really-hate-the-term-clone-people-talk-about
Omg nooo😭😭😭I'm not new here and I did not come at you or anything. I'm just expressing my opinion on how I've seen people in twitter and here too, talking about clones and being worried about them. I know fully well that you have talked about this before. I'm sorry if I sounded rude or anything but I really did not mean anything like that.
Also, I meant how will the clone just do things like bad things. It's still you. It won't just do stuff because it's you and you are controlling yourself and your reality.
Also, I don't understand how you took my tone negatively cause I started speaking about people in general? So when I said you, I didn't mean you but you as in the "people". I really don't understand how you took me as a bitch when I was helping people understand that clones isn't what some shifters treat it like. It wasn't regarding any post or ask of yours but my general opinion. Cause I'm seeing many people talk about it these days. I randomly sent that ask here because you have a shifting blog. Ngl, I'm pretty hurt by how you talked to me.
I read your ask negatively because it sounded like you were talking to me specifically. Like that's literally it. And while I wouldn't usually get offended by that obviously, that ask came directly after I answered a different anon about clones and I thought you were mad at my response to them. It sounded like you were speaking directly to me and about my response. Even with you mentioning other people, it can still be read as you talking about me, especially since you sent it to me.
I'm gonna be honest, it was mostly the "so how will your clone apparently, do anything" comment. Since I mentioned in my response to the other person that my clone would handle asks if I set time to pass by, I thought you were saying my clone somehow wouldn't be able to do that. And with the rest of your message essentially being "your clone is you and it'll just do what you normally do", it made me really confused and I assumed you were directing that energy at me specifically.
I'm sorry for not clarifying your intentions first and just assuming you were being a bitch, but I can't apologize for defending myself on the chance you were. I get a lot of hate asks about shifting directed toward me and my anons and I usually can't assume they're being nice. I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from in regards to clones and I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to be honest with me about this! I know I'm being very cordial in this response but I do hope it comes across that I'm sorry about hurting your feelings.
I'm probably going to edit my response to your first ask now that I know you weren't talking about me specifically and instead about the general shifting community. Because with that in mind, I absolutely agree with you and your message doesn't come off as bitchy at all. It was really more about the timing unfortunately. I wanted to defend myself and the other anon and assumed you were being mean to me because of it. I can't lie and say I wasn't sure because I was pretty confident in thinking you were directing that to me but next time I will double check just in case.
And just to clarify the tone thing, I have a hard time reading tones and intentions through the internet. Your ask doesn't sound mean to you because you sent it with the intention of being nice. But I can't read your mind and since I thought you were sending that to me because of the other ask, in my head it sounds a lot meaner. It sounds like you're including me when you say "people" and that you're talking to me specifically when you say "you". And since I also agree with everything you said, it sounded like you just didn't read any of my clone posts and assumed I was one of those people you were talking about.
I am sorry for hurting your feelings. I don't know if that comes across properly since I'm also explaining why I reacted that way but hopefully it does. I don't want anyone here to feel like they can't talk to me honestly and I'm really happy that you at least felt comfortable confronting me about it :) It's totally cool if you don't feel comfy here anymore and want to dip though! Trust me, I don't mind if you don't want to interact with me anymore. I've had plenty of interactions with people who assumed I was being mean when I wasn't and I didn't want to talk to them anymore even after it got cleared up. It's an unfortunate side of talking online :( I'm a lot better with face to face conversations since you also get the context of voice and body tone.
#your ask was also unfortunately nice enough that i felt comfortable answering it#usually when i get hate asks theyre just a little tooo mean and i dont feel comfortable posting them#since i assumed you were being a bitch and your ask was tame enough i felt comfy posting it#oops#thats on me!!#anyway i love you and i agree with your now sexy ask <3#letters 🎀
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Having a huge argument with a friend. Free drama read.
Through Discord text chat. The start of the argument was over if the VTuber, Koseki Bijou, sounded younger than 7 or if she sounded 12. My argument was the former, his was the latter. I am bias against high voices and I am deathly allergic to girls that speak high and cutesy perpetually.
It was a decent length argument going back and forth, and my friend said the VTuber sounded older than 12. He would know because he went to a 12 year old's birthday party.
Meanwhile I recently went on vacation that included children ages 2, 7, 9, and 11. The VTuber sounded younger than 7 pit against them. If you're reading this, you can look the VTuber up and make your own judgements.
Anyway, I made a really dry joke that I was sorry the 12-year-old my friend knew was disabled. (The high voice being the 'disability'.) He got really offended because apparently that's his goddaughter and I shouldn't assume she's disabled because she has a high voice.
Now, being upset I made a mean joke is perfectly reasonable, what's not reasonable is how he handled shutting down the conversation which was strong-armed. Words like: "Stop. No, we're not talking about this." "The conversation is over."
Being treated in such a way triggers me really badly. I don't handle being treated like that very well and it snaps something in my brain. It manifests as anger like a fire that sucks out all my oxygen and my head shifts into a hard "you should not exist in this world" / "I don't want to live in a world with people like you in it." I get heavily suicidal, and go insane. I have enough consciousness to not start destroying things or committing to self harm, but the feeling is there—and this only happens when that type of language is used against me.
Should probably get therapy about that type of reaction—why it is and how to avoid situations like that—but that's not important right now.
Anyway, since I got triggered really hard, I ended the conversation and left for the night; I can feel when my sanity is slipping. I had to extract myself from that conversation because I didn't want to say anything I regret. I considered him a precious friend. I said something along the lines of that I was enraged and that I was getting off for the night.
The reason I used the language of "enraged" is because that's what I felt at the time! The feeling is extremely visceral and can be difficult to explain as a result.
Off the computer I was wailing to my friend about it—screaming—Friend B didn't even take me seriously until I dug my fingers into his sides and shook him as hard as my little arms could. I was very not okay. Sliding off the deep end, but he talked me into calming down until I returned to normal after bitching and crying for several hours about it.
End that event.
Six days later Friend A messaged me. At this point I'm extremely stressed because of my job. My boss was asking me to move across the country for an unreasonable amount of money (45k a year), but the company is a start up. The stress of that, I did not have the emotional capacity to explain to my friend he triggered an extreme mental breakdown. How do you explain that to someone anyway? "I had a mental breakdown and it's your fault"?
I did my best to allude to that it was more than just anger, but also firmly said I couldn't talk about it and didn't have the emotional bandwidth. I would discuss it with him later when I did.
I also went over with him in-depth about the other major stressor in my life in which he gave absolutely no sympathy towards. He moved across a few states for an (apparently) bad wage at a hospital (not a start-up company), and lived with a family member in his current state until he could get a house. (I have no family or friends where I would have been moving aside from my boss who has has a wife and 2 kids; I'm not staying with them.)
Also, something, something, I made some assumption and Friend B says that I need to stop making assumptions. He has a habit of lecturing me about how I should be. How I need to use words around him to dictionary definition to prevent misunderstandings. He needs to be interacted with in a precise way and if I don't, I get a small lecture about how I'm interacting with people wrong.
End second event.
Back to the main point, it takes a lot of time for me to think of a super triggering event like that and not go into a flurry of insanity just at the thought. It was important for me to have space so I could get to a point where I don't get suicidal thinking about the event. So three weeks past and I messaged him today asking if he's going to play Armored Core. I know it's within his special interests and it's a good question to test the waters with.
His answers were really short. Okay, fine, I know things aren't good between us, so I just bluntly ask if we're just not going to talk anymore. His response is exactly, "I'm talking with my parents. Not everything revolves around you."
There was not even a hint that he was busy doing something else, only that he was being short. Last time he was short too, which creates the assumption he's angry. These are normal assumptions, and people make and draw conclusions naturally.
But the "not everything revolves around you" really fucking ticked me off. My assumption was a symptom of a greater issue (us being on bad terms) and I explained that.
And then later he writes back to me the giant thing about how I was taking advantage of him, how I have no self-awareness, and goes on this huge rant about how pretty much he makes so many sacrifices to make our friendship work. So patient and tolerant. He even says he wasn't even mad that I insulted his goddaughter. He was drawing his boundaries and calmly letting me know and tried to move the conversation away. If you've forgotten already how that went, he shut down the conversation hard and refused to talk about pitch and age corelation of high voices. If it didn't make him mad, why did he have such a violent reaction to it?
So then I wrote him a 3 page essay response about what happened during event one, how it made me feel, and that if anything I actually felt betrayed. Not too long ago we were talking about hwo we enjoyed each other's company. There were things we could talk about that we couldn't any other. He was also happy I didn't freak out over alone-together silence and generally I was super grounded.
I have no clue what he was talking about regarding everything else. And so, more context:
Friend A was a very special friend to me because he was one of the first people to treat me like a person and want to do things with me back when no one would talk to me in high school. To me he was like a shining sun and I had a lot of fun, happy memories.
I pay special attention to how I talk to him as a result to preserve who he is and our relationship.
I never want to shame him for his hobbies—like once he was really into painting his nails; I encouraged him to do it if it made him happy. I don't really like that in a guy, but my opinion doesn't matter when it comes to his happiness.
I do my best to listen to him talk about games he's interested in, at the very least keep an open ear even if they aren't my kind of game. He does the same for me. I am admittedly bad at engaging and have bad auditory processing, but I will never tell him to stop talking about them even if I'm not all that interested.
I even talk to him about topics he doesn't feel like he can talk about with others. The appreciation for good doujin or weird web comics. I think they're fun too and it's enjoyable!
I don't really like table top games, but I gave Lancer a try for him. It went really badly for me in particular, but the group and story was just not a very good for introduction for a newbie. I ended up having to withdraw and did my best to explain it wasn't their fault, I'm just not used to TTRPGs enough for it.
During this event Friend A actually got upset for not going to him for help. He is just not someone great to ask for things to be explained to from, and last he tried to help me with Lancer it wasn't a very good learning experience. Also I have a lot of trouble with self learning and focus.
Meanwhile he's great at it! Tried playing Kingdom Death with him. I tried to talk to him while he was reading the rules though once and I get a really terse, "I'm not done reading the rules" in the same tone a parent might tell a child that they're busy and to go away because they're a child. Then while playing the game he insisted we follow the rules to a 'T' rather than focus on making the game fun for us. Friend B was there too and not having a great time.
And another great interaction with Friend A was when we were talking about VTuber rigging. He said that IRYS' first model wasn't expressive enough and that was the fault of the modeler. I said that it was the fault of the rigger and 2D rigging is similar to 3D rigging (my main trade), which is how I know. He insisted that it was the modeler's fault, but we both didn't know enough about Live2D to argue about it. He was going to ask another friend who made and rigged her own model. I didn't bother arguing with him about it, but later he said his VTuber friend said it was the fault of the rigger. OK. I don't even think I rubbed it in that I was right or that it was how I said because I'm not looking to pick arguments.
And then us not being able to play a game together he's complained about, because I used to move games a lot... Well, we had different schedules so I just stopped inviting him to try different games. I wasn't going to make a big deal of it. Says it's my fault, whatever, maybe in the future if there's a game we both really like—shelving the idea.
I'm just griping now honestly. Friend B says I shouldn't be friends with Friend A if he brings no joy to my life. The idea of Friend A is probably where the joy is and we have just such different communication styles we probably should just stop being friends.
In the end though, the start of this whole damn thing could have been avoided if he communicated his boundaries with different phrasing. I don't have a problem with his boundaries, but I also got mine. No one else I talk to treats me like I'm below them, even my boss.
It got worse because I needed to look after my mental health since I could easily become actively suicidal. Maybe I didn't communicate that well when I was overwhelmed and stressed. I'll take that L too; I need to get better at controlling my emotions and handle stress better.
But seriously, how are you supposed to tell a precious friend "Your language towards me caused a serious mental breakdown" when just the thought of it caused insanity to ebb at the edge of the mind?
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I want to talk more about what's going on with my mom.
I haven't really spoken to her in like 2 years; but I was still on my parents phone plan. It was cheaper at the time and they weren't actively holding that over me so I just stayed on the phone line.
But recently, some more information regarding one of my other siblings being abused in our youth came to light and it suddenly became an opportunity to hurt my mom as vengeance. So I told her that I was changing my number and that I didn't plan to contact her again.
And she fuckin applogized
I wept for hours; I feel a cold rock in my abdomen when I think about it. Even now it's been two weeks since she apologized and I am still tearing up thinking about her.
Now I'd like to just say she didn't apologize about anything specific, or anything that's really going to help her situation. She merely apologized for making me feel like she didn't care. Which... I hate this... I hate it. I haven't and can't respond now that I've blocked her and gotten a new number. But i wish i could scream at her about how s it's not about if she fuckin cared.
It's that she abandoned me and my siblings and just let us be abused. She swept the abuse of my younger sibling under the rug and they only recently have started talking about what happened; and had i not told a teacher about what happened to me I'm certain she would have done the same to me.
I'm honestly almost offended that she bothered to apologize. How dare she utter those words "I'm sorry." If I am the judge, jury and prosecutor she needs to bring better evidence for a not guilty verdict to back up this flimsy "I'm sorry" ! A feeble phrase when looking at her past apologizes! Her actions never a reflection of "I'M SORRY"
What makes this plea any less empty or selfish? "I'm sorry" so you should speak to me again "I'm sorry" so you should feel bad for cutting me out of your life "I'm sorry" so you're obviously in the wrong for not forgiving me. That is always what her apologies have meant! What makes this one any different?! Well Mom "IM SORRY" doesn't un-molest your kid, and it certainly doesn't undo years of psychological damage done by ignoring the fact that it happened.
Gods I wish she'd have apologized in person so I could see the look on her face. I wish I could have had the power in that moment to say "Okay, I don't forgive you." And I could have marveled at the twisting of her expression; the confusion.
And so here I am. I am angry that she apologized, and that her apology wasn't good enough. Gods; it's not like I want it to not be good enough (thou I can be a vindictive bitch) I want my mom! I want her to meet my fiance and for her to see how well I'm doing for myself! I want her to be proud of me! But I think the version of my mom who would do those things wouldn't have let our relationship get this bad. That version of my mom never existed and I'm morning a mom I never had.
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