#being a lesbian does feel like an isolating experience
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something i love so dearly about yuzumako is how the lesbian coding of their relationship is so healing, rather than self-destructive?? by that i mean, so much queer coding is filtered through the lens of, here is this character whose queer identity is so fraught that it often leads them to lashing out and misery, & you always think how much happier they'd be if they could make peace with themselves..... but with yuzuki and makoto, the safety and peace they feel around each other always serves as the anecdote to their struggles, ESPECIALLY with boys.
in ch 20 yuzuki is disappointed with boys endlessly complimenting her painting w/o looking at it—seeing her as a romantic conquest rather than caring abt her as a person. the same chapter, it's makoto who actually cares about her painting & yuzuki's artistry EXACTLY how she hoped. the loneliness & resentment yuzu experiences is directly tied to heteronormativity, with boys assuming that they can disrespect her boundaries since she's a pretty girl to be "won over"—only for makoto's actions to parallel the same set up BUT she always demonstrates a truer understanding of yuzu as a person & friend throughout the process, and every time it brings yuzu such a sense of safety & comfort that she NEVERRRRR feels around boys pursuing her!!
there's such an intense lesbian coding to yuzu's avoidance of male romantic advances as opposed to how she leans into not only female friendship but specifically to makoto's own feelings for her shining through—and again, i love this because it's so positive & warm. rather than queerness being a source of anguish, makoto brings yuzu more joy than heteronormativity ever does.
next, after mako's date that she calls a battle, it's yuzu who says she looks cute & cheers her up! mako ALSO decides she doesn't care about being boyfriendless bc yuzu makes her so happy which is sooooo baby lesbian like are you serious! the same as the scene with yuzu's artwork, makoto's date with a boy that only brought her discomfort & feelings of unworthiness is followed by joy & affirmation found in yuzu's company—again, queerness & female connection shown as the anecdote to comphet/mako forcing herself to present hyperfeminine to fit what's expected.
also of note is makoto's recurring jealousy of yuzu's beauty—even though this is a negative emotion, i love how it's ultimately overpowered by her affection for yuzu. also the lesbian pipeline from i want to be her -> i want to kiss her is alive & well for makoto. so so obviously.
then finally, probably the crowning example of my point is yuzu's arc of being set up on a date w her new classmate against her will! as an aside these chapters depict such a common lesbian experience, where to avoid being socially isolated, we give into comphet & just go along with boys' feelings for us, thinking it's best if we don't cause issues & eventually we can get ourselves to reciprocate, giving them what they want at the expense of our repressed identities—yuzu is taught that her feelings don't matter; her beauty was made for male consumption.
now in high school, yuzu decides to speak up for herself & reject the role she's been placed into, again as a beautiful prize to be won—it's common for closeted lesbians to think they can convince themselves to like men back, but yuzu won't go along with this forced set up again. after she rejects this boy, her classmates make yuzu feel like SHE'S the one who has done something wrong & don't take her discomfort into account—it's hard for them to understand why, as a pretty girl, she isn't willing to just go along with men's attraction. ENTER MAKOTO!!!
sorry makoto is frankly so smooth for this. when yuzu leaves school early & makoto hears about her date, she brings yuzu pudding & tells her that she wants yuzu to be honest with her about when she's feeling down, even though their experiences are different. when reading both characters through a queer lens, it's very interesting to see how they've had different experiences w heteronormativity & gender up to now—yuzu is constantly fighting comphet demons whereas makoto feels less than for not being as feminine or gorgeous as yuzu.
but even though their experiences with lesbianism & girlhood have been different, makoto wants to hear how yuzu truly feels and comfort her. once again, after seeing the horrible pressures & pains yuzu has experienced through heteronormative dating & misogyny, it is her incredibly queer-coded friendship with makoto that makes her feel safe enough to cry openly in front of her!!!!! yuzu's peers, but particularly boys, show a disregard for her emotions, and then we see makoto fill that role of support & care so easily. like the dream boyfriend she is :)
there's a lot more i could say about yuzumako & their individual arcs, but to tie everything up, it is so common in lesbian (or queer coded) media for a character's lesbianism to be something that brings them nothing but pain and suffering, either in its repression or awareness—so i absolutely love how skip & loafer showcases (through yuzumako but also the ENTIRE cast) that embracing your queer identity can be so healing & positive. the story doesn't shy away from presenting a lot of the pain that closeted lesbians go through, like struggles with their gender & how socially ingrained heteronormativity is—but these struggles are always followed up by such intentional examples of yuzumako's connection (+ lesbian yearning) being so comfortable & happy to them! i love angst too but seeing them, time and time again, know exactly what the other needs & be able to be that for each other is soooooo rewarding!!!
happiness in queer media does not need to erase the struggles of our lives, but rather showing authentic queerness not as the problem but as the SOLUTION is unbelievably impactful. long live yuzumako
#skip and loafer#sukirofa#yuzumako#yuzuki murashige#makoto kurume#skip and loafer meta#my meta#from now on my excuse of why i can spend hours writing meta about gay people is because its just brainstorming for my senior capstone LMAO#zoe.txt
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So I just read this great post by @kittyandco and it struck a really, really deep chord with me as someone who was also in the selfship community in ye olden days (as in, pre-pandemic olden days).
Now, don't get me wrong, those days weren't perfect either. I still experienced hostility for little reason, and it still hurts me to think about and affects my ability to trust people to this day. And I sure as hell wasn't the only one, or the one who had it the worst. But that lack of good faith that used to be the exception really does feel like the norm now, and it makes interacting way more stressful than it ever was back then. You're expected to read novella-length DNIs and can't interact with or follow anyone without fearing that you missed one of your fandoms on their DNI list and will get shit for it.
(And those pages are often confusing to navigate and use hard-to-read colors, to boot. Seriously, the Web Content Accessibility Guidelines should be mandatory reading for anyone making a Carrd or Rentry account)
And that's not even to mention the fear of what you say to someone in a private conversation getting twisted and shared and vagueposted about without your permission. That's something I've witnessed happen to multiple friends of mine. Again, isolated incidents back then, way more common than it should be now.
Meanwhile, *old woman voice* back in my day... What I always think back to was the really popular ask game that would go around, where you could ask whoever reblogged it to come up with headcanons for your F/Os. And people were sending each other asks left and right! People were excited to look up F/Os they'd never heard of to come up with a little pick-me-up for the person in their ask box! And I remember them being a blast to read and write!
Nowadays? If your F/Os are from sources that's not in the media zeitgeist or another limited set of perennial sources people will generally know enough to engage with... Good luck getting anyone to talk to you. (And that definitely goes double for anyone who ships with characters who aren't white men or isn't white themselves, that's a whole other issue that I've definitely experienced as a lesbian.)
I think it's both the growing atmosphere of hostility and social media in general's growing focus on "making content" and "branding" that keeps people from reaching out to each other unless they ship the same kinds of things they do. It's not really a community anymore. And that sucks, because that's a problem that's infected selfship spaces from the social media landscape as a whole
But I think we could still make the choice to see each other as people. Because, at the end of the day, selfshippers don't really have anywhere else to go. We're all just a bunch of people who carry love for characters in our hearts. Shouldn't we be willing to extend that love to each other, too?
(Obviously, this comes with caveats. I don't know if this is just me and my friends, but it also feels like we're all just too tired nowadays to reach out or meaningfully engage with other shippers' work. I'm definitely guilty of going MIA for long periods for that reason, so I'm not going to act like the lack of interaction with my blog specifically isn't my fault there. But in my experience I've seen a lot of that exhaustion come from this, from the walking on eggshells and the lack of reciprocity of the energy you put in, so it all still applies)
#these aren't my comprehensive thoughts and are pretty stream-of-consciousness#but I've been sitting on these thoughts for too long and just needed to get it all out of my system#selfship#selfshipping#selfship community#peyton says stuff#about selfship#public service announcement
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I don't know, buddy. I think this should make you rethink saying stuff like "I hate microlabels" in the first place? Not to put you on blast or anything, you're just the latest in a long line of people I've seen making arguments like these.
There's basically no genuine problem you can have with microlabels that does not simply apply to labels in general
I think it's important to be in community and solidarity with people independently of whether you have the exact same label, and to realize there are plenty of shared experiences across different queer identities.
Practically none of it is the exclusive realm of one particular identity and we don't need to be atomized. And it is, in fact, in our best political interest to stick together and fight together
Labels are a way of classifying and categorizing the infinitely diverse range of human experience. That can be helpful and that can cause problems. (I think there are criticisms of diagnostics that might apply, and some of our words actually originate in that realm.) It's important to remember that they are not material reality and they do not define your experiences, but are merely a culturally defined tool to help you understand them, that may be more or less useful given the situation
I'm always quick to tell people that labels are meant to be helpful and if trying to find one is stressing them out rather than helping, a label is simply not required. Those people might still feel like it's important to them to find the right words, and I'm not gonna pretend to know better than them
There are plenty of people who are perfectly happy being just queer, and not trying to figure out their identities any further than that. There are people going through intense anxiety while trying to figure out if they're lesbian or bi. Why do we need those intermediary labels then? Do they just atomize us? Are they unnecessary boxes? Or is that only a problem when it comes to those newfangled ones at the end of the acronym?
I think there are more people who feel like they have to figure out where exactly they fall in the big 4 identities than people who are distressed because they feel like they have to figure out a microlabel they fit in, tbqh. And there's plenty of separatist sentiment among them too
Plenty of people find meaning and expression in being butch or femme. Why shouldn't people choose a new word that they feel best defines their own unique gender identity? Why shouldn't somebody on the ace or aro spectrum try to figure out if other people have a similar experience with attraction as they do?
People having more words to describe their identities is not the problem. At all. If somebody has decided to use a microlabel and is happy with it, what exactly is the issue?
If you actually stand with every queer person, if you're in solidarity with every anti-oppression fight of any kind, the problem of political isolation and community dilution goes away.
If you treat all labels as tools that can be played with, experimented with and not gatekept, taken up and abandoned, changed, or simply ignored if you don't want or need one, the problem of emotional distress goes away.
Neither problem is exclusive to microlabels.
#rapha rambles#queer#microlabels#Maybe I'm burned off on ace discourse#but stop trying to find acceptable targets#lgbtqia#lgbt+#queer identities#I didn't know asexuality was a thing as a teenager#learning I'm asexual#learning I'm aroace#was very helpful to me#and I'm not gonna stamd here and tell people labels are useless
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Read over what was going on with anon asks and your posts, and tbh, if you are 16 and you are reaching this kind of critical thinking and actively trying to better yourself through meaningful debates and convos, you are doing god's fucking work from early. I couldn't even begin to form the kind of arguments you are articulating at your age in your posts, so fucking kudos.
I have a similar opinion of sexism being bad no matter the form it takes, patriarchy affects everyone because it imposes roles on everyone, not only women. Breaking those roles on all sides and genders should be the ultimate goal, not try to benefit from the system to become the oppressor.
In any case dude, good luck with the unavoidable influx of people who will misinterpret your posts. Also, your art is hella cool!
i think that alot of ppl just have a rlly hard time like, getting over the gut response to defend themselves when they recieve some kind of serious critisism, like, i think ppl understand on some level that sexism as a concept is stupid, but it can be hard to fully see all the nuances it takes and like, actually recognize it when its subtler
sexism is bad and when i point out that alot of you guys believe ideas that are like, really sexist then thats like, im assuming none of you are like "YEAA SEXISM RUELZZZ!!!! I HATE PEOPLE BASED ON THIER GENDOR" and u rlly rlly dont wanna be lumped into that group
its rlly normal to not wanna be mischaracterized and if you dont self identify as sexist then when someone points out sexist retoric it feels like an unfair and reductive veiw of u
and its like, you really really really need to work past that, im talking abt this stuff because i want ppl to change and be better and if you want that for yourself u have to like rlly chew on these kinds of things
i think what alot of people have issues with is like, relatability in artwork, like "of course im gonna like art with queer women in it more and find it more valueble if im a queer woman" but i think that this points to a really rigid and uphelpful veiw of gender
ive discussed before that, because the mind numbing ammount of biological differences people have theres no actual objective definition of sex or gender, its socially constructed and entirely arbitrary and subjective
i think that labels for sexuality and gender are useful shorthand in our current society though ideally we wouldnt need them, but you need to remember that these things arent rigid
butch lesbian is not a definable group, gay man is not a definable group, they are arbitrary words that mean something different for literally every different person
likewise acting like those meaningless labels somehow make some artwork more or less valueble just points to a bias against people with a certain label
like, the labels dont mean anything they shouldnt change your veiw of a work, if you resonate with a peice of work why does it matter what label is put on it? why does that affect your veiw on the peice?
and yes you are objectively going to relate to some experiences more then others, but i dont think relatability should effect how you value the work, infact id argue seeing perspectives different then your own is incredibly incredibly valueble and, if your disregarding (even subconciously) certain things because theyre made by men then that not only hurts men but it hurts you, it isolates you
maybe i didnt word that perfectly im not always the most articulate but like, i think most of the issues people are having with this are coming from me articulating things maybe not as intuatively as i could or from people refusing to properly engadge with what i have to say
idk, regarding the people accusing me of transmysogeny i just wanna say that like, I AM NOT ALLERGIC TO TALKING TO YOU ABT THIS!! i want to be better and i dont want to be mysogenistic! and if you do see concerning behavior in me i want to be told of it, you keeping these kinds of things to yourself or refusing to engadge with me when i actively am trying to be like, thourough and nuanced about things is just kinda, not productive
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Hi Jen! Coming to you from the closet for an emotional rant. Recently, I started dating this woman.I'm young, 19, I'm still at home with my very conservative and unsupportive family. I know that if I come out, my whole world shifts and the negative consequences could literally put me at risk. When this woman and I first started seeing each other, I was honest about my situation and told her it wasn't safe for me to. She told me she understood and that it wasn't a deal breaker.
Now she's doesn't seem very okay with the situation. It's been about a month. I'm out to basically everyone else, friends, other family like siblings, coworkers ect, and they know about her, but I don't want my parents to know about her, period, because I'm too afraid to put us at risk. I don't feel like I don't want to break up, I seriously like this woman. She's becoming very passive aggressive about it and less understanding the more time seems to pass. Im nervous, because I don't want this to lead to a break up, but there's nothing else I can do right now. I know if it's meant to be then it'll work out, but being closeted like this makes me feel so isolated and undeserving. I just don't know how to handle it.
I realize this might be too late and I hope you made the decision to stay safe within your home and she either came around to understand or you are not together any longer.
I get where she might come from. It is a place of either life long security and support OR one where she came out and experienced a bad situation or series of events at the hands of friends and family. Her thought process might be "if I can survive it you can" (and must) too. She might believe that since her parents were fine yours will likely come around.
Being an out and happy lesbian can lead us to feel like others can be just like us if they just take a risk. It is like when we experience joy in something, want others to have that and are clouded my our comfort into thinking it works the same for everyone in every circumstance of life. We all know this is not true.
She might feel that if you really loved her you would gladly proclaim that love even to those who will react negatively.
You do not owe your safety to her. Your home, financial security, physical safety and emotional comfort IS important. Telling people who can damage any of these things is an act in futility and unnecessary. No one needs to know you are a lesbian unless you wish to share that information. If she cannot understand your well being comes first she is not a woman you want to stay with. She is willing to risk your stability for public affirmation or proof of love which means she likes the "idea" of love but does not understand what loving someone actually means.
If she is willing to listen and stand by your decision then you can work on her thoughts and such. If she continues to push and prod then please move on. You deserve to be safe.
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Any fiction recommendations? I’ve repeatedly read Locked Tomb, natch. I’d love something similarly brainwork inducing but maybe a touch lighter. Also not fantasy or sci fi…I need something to listen to while I do a ton of chores, and those can be hard (for me) because the unfamiliar proper nouns get confusing. :/
anon!! I'm terrible at reccing anything based on “if you liked TLT” because TLT is like five different genres in a trench coat, but I TRIED (⭐) Here are some brainworm-y recs that aren't sff — where by brainworm-y I mean that they stayed with me for a while after I finished them, but aren't overly confusing. (most of them are books, but available on audio)
Podcasts: a tumblr pal recced me the deviser based on me liking the eldritch elements of tlt; it's short and horror-y, and I really enjoyed it.
I haven't checked out the new TMA yet but I see many TLT peeps who are enjoying it (or S1 of the original The Magnus Archives could be a good entry point if you haven't ever listened to it)
TV: Unfortunately I hardly ever watch live action stuff BUT if you haven't seen either IWTV (the series not the film) or Yellowjackets, I do rec those! There's a lot of overlap between these fans and TLT fandom on my dash. His Dark Materials also goes hard and you might enjoy it (dysfunctional characters! worldbuilding! religious weirdness!) but it has more sff elements than other stuff I've recced. Oddball out of nowhere but The Great is a fun show if you enjoy the meme moments of TLT + people being gleefully horrible + having feelings despite your best intentions
Animanga: Utena (!!!!!) also Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, which occupies a very similar space to TLT in my brain
Books!
✧ I went through my “women unhinged” goodreads shelf and found some books that are avaliable in audio format, and might appeal. These are wildly varied in scope and ngl the criterion was just “at least one person (besides myself) who enjoyed tlt also this book” and the similarities stop there. It's all vibes baby! Still, I tried
my heart is a chainsaw by stephen graham jones (horror, slasher), bunny by mona awad (horror, wildly unhinged), the witching hour by anne rice (horror, gothic)
matrix by lauren groff (historical, lesbian nuns), anything by sarah waters (historical fiction + lesbians), rebecca by daphne du maurier (historical, gothic)
the plot by jean hanff korelitz (litfic, thriller), sadie by courtney summers (thriller, coming of age). anything by gillian flynn (thrillers with terrible women).
✧ I really enjoy Tana French thrillers for the strong sense of place, great prose, and the complete emotional turmoil of her character-centric narratives. If anything sounds up your alley, I enjoyed the witch's elm + dublin murder squad series. They're murder mystery procedural but the messy characters really elevate the novels. Available in audiobook also
✧ American Elsewhere, technically scifi but set in New Mexico. Somehow, cosmic horrors who have taken over a quaint little town and worse! They are enforcing HETERONORMATIVITY upon it! They also have tentacles. The main character rocks
✧ Sundial by Catriona Ward: insane, gripping psychological horror. A mother and her unsettling daughter take a trip to the isolate desert ranch where the main chracter grew up. Surrounded by unsettling science experiments
✧ A Touch of Jen by Beth Morgan: when the parasocial relationship is so strong, it accidentally summons a hellmonster from another dimension
✧ SFF adjacent, sorry, but set in the real world (historical, tho) — Cuckoo Song by Frances Hardinge, a middle grade novel with fairytale elements that gave me more brainworms than any kids book ought to, mostly because I LOVED the main character. She occupies a very similar place in my brain as Gideon does. This is actually the only book on the list that I'm not sure is available in audio format, but if you get a chance and it's up your alley, I'd check it out
I hope there's at least ONE thing you'll like in here! lmk (also. lmk if you don't have access to a way to borrow audiobooks but would like to)
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what does tillie walden do?
i don't know.
i just finished 'are you listening?' and it left me with the same exact unidentifiable shrimp emotion that this beautiful author bestowed upon me with on a sunbeam and the end of summer. i want to curl up in a blanket and cry. i want to draw. i don't even know what this book has done to me. i want to know how tillie walden captures something [this unidentifiable but very present feeling] that no other work of art has captured for me.
are you listening? follows two women through their road trip through western texas, both traumatized and both hurting. one older and more experienced, one freshly eighteen and emotionally raw from years of sexual abuse. the road trip is the story's through line - they find a cat and the landscape begins to shift, becoming more indistinct and unreal as they travel further - but the body of the story is the characters themselves. i think the thing that gets me overall is that the characters don't mark the strangeness of the shifting landscape until well after it begins. even then, it isn't their main focus - they focus on the rawness of their pain and the friendship they find in each other. what does this do? it captures the experience of deep emotional pain, the experience wherein the world doesn't feel real - the world is already warped into darkness in your vision. the true landscape change thus becomes irrelevant to the characters - it's a product of pain. it's just how they see the world. absorption in one's thoughts makes any external weirdness perfectly possible.
to add to all of this, both the characters are gay, a fact that tillie walden so beautifully incorporates into their personalities and experiences. the warping of the world sees strangers - men in particular - become shadows, silhouettes, looming figures defined only by too-large, colorful eyes. (i think this reflects the common queer experience of not knowing who can be trusted with the knowledge of our identities. and personally, i know that when i'm in a shitty mood and am overthinking my own identity, the surrounding world begins to feel like a bunch of untrustworthy strangers.)
the landscape itself also adds to the deep isolation of this graphic novel. yes, the characters are alone on a road trip with only a cat to keep them company, but the surrounding world is also huge and foreign and unreal. they are alone with each other. to me, their own pain and this isolation compound each other; i felt myself slipping further into walden's constructed darkness as i read.
and at the end, there's hope. the world is dark and that darkness is inescapable, and then at the end of it all, the characters continue on with their lives, changed for the better.
IT MAKES ME INSANE.
tillie walden did the same thing with on a sunbeam. a group of space travelers isolated on their ship, exploring strange buildings and ultimately venturing into a strange, unknowable landscape (The Staircase). a group of travelers bonded by pain. a group of queer travelers bonded by their love for one another. a world that is fundamentally built upon queerness - upon lesbians, upon trans people. i think the recipe is ultimately similar to are you listening? pain + isolation + queerness + found family = a reader response of despair, catharsis, hope, tears.
perhaps my own response stems from the fact that on the deepest level, i most relate to the struggles of butch lesbians, if i am being entirely real with myself. what does tillie walden do? she knocks it out of the fucking park and writes a type of very real-feeling queer darkness that caters to me specifically. (chomp chomp.) but apart from my own shrimp emotions, she's also just a really fucking good storyteller. a brilliant artist, a brilliant character creator, a brilliant writer. and her graphic novels are really fucking brilliant books.
#tillie walden#are you listening?#on a sunbeam#the end of summer#graphic novels#i NEEDED to write this train of thought tumblr book review.
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Do including t4t folks who date outside their gender include nblnb and nblm/nblw? Does it include people in these groups who are in an AMAB+AFAB relationship? IDK if this is tmi, I'm AMAB transneutral enby, my husband is a AFAB trans man. We've been together a decade , he's currently also pregnant: we're in the process of having a child. Whenever we bring up our relationship in t4t spaces, people either treat me like a cis man who doesn't belong in these spaces and as if our relationship is basically c4t MLM, or treat him as as a bi butch woman as opposed to a trans man especially when people found out he was pregnant and wasn't interested in his explicitly queer masculinity and transition making him identical to a cis man.
Plus, neither of us really pass due to how we present ourselves, I at most look like a flamboyant gay man, tall lanky hairy and bearded who plays around with makeup expression but doesn't gravitate towards feminine wear. He's gendered as a butch lesbian almost exclusively as opposed to a man, he doesn't bind which alone gets him misgendered, he wears masc clothing but a variety of factors in which he presents himself and even basic things such as how his voice sounds are enough for him to lose that association with manhood and gets him clocked. Do I need to be transfem and transition to look like a woman for our relationship to be seen as "t4t" enough? I'm not a trans woman or transfem and I'll never be, does that make me a cis invader incroaching on actual t4t people? Does he have to transition specifically in a way to fit cis centric standard of manhood, does he have to desire top and bottom surgery as opposed to "just" hormones in order to be seen as his actual gender in t4t spaces? Are t4t people not allowed to have children nautrally, does that makes us too close to cishets in their eyes for people's comfort?
We have mutual nblnb friends , same AMAB+AFAB, agender + multigender. Both of them present in ways that align with their AGAB, they're not men or women but their relationship in t4t spaces has been dismissed and treated as a "cishet relationship" constantly, with them being actively misgendered even in trans positive spaces. Are they just straight too, silly little cishets who want to hog up t4t resources from? Do t4t relationships only count as queer if they're binary/binary? If both people have the same gender? If people go through full medical transition? If they're both the same AGAB? What makes t4t inherently worthy in the eyes of people within the community, none of us are aware because we've all been actively excluded or dismissed for one reason or another, had our transness intrinsically erased due to not being the "expected" t4t couple.
The way people talk about t4t as this club which queerness is so narrow and if you fall out of what's expected for t4t you're basically straight? There are straight t4t people who are awesome and face their own isolation within queer spaces that I cannot speak on, so I won't. Having different AGABs or not being strictly MLM/WLW just feels like a quick way to get misgendered or to have your queerness and transness taken into question. It sucks. T4T is celebrated but only if you're a certian type of T4T.
Yes, both you and your friends should absolutely be included in T4T discussions! These are an extremely valuable experiences that you're bringing, and dismissing it as "c4t" or "cishet" is just misgendering. NB4NB relationships are not any less queer, and they're not "cishet lite" just for being of different AGABs - once more, it's reducing nonbinary people down to their AGAB, which is sad to see so often in queer/trans spaces.
I haven't been in T4T relationships myself so I can't comment on the isolation that some kinds of T4T relationships face, but it's absolutely true that some types get talked about more than others, creating unfair expectations for people whose relationships don't fit inside this norm. Which is sad, as subverting expectations of gender like you do is as queer as queer can be!
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i read your post you tagged “if you take nothing else from this blog let it be this”
and i’m glad i did because it paints a really great picture of your ideology
“i have nothing in common with trans women,” you say, and then you proceed to describe in vivid detail some obviously painful memories from your childhood that stayed with you: begging god to “fix” you, being viewed as dangerous by your peers for your identity.
you’re so right, when trans women were children everyone always clapped them on the back and said “great job today buddy we accept you!”
they never felt alienated, they were never treated as predators whilst being mere children, and they certainly never hoped a higher power would make them normal.
nothing human is alien to yourself and i’m sorry you think you have not an inch of common ground with 50% of the earth. i hope you’re very young, that would explain this really defensive, combative and self-isolating stance you’ve taken.
i’m a cis woman who was also bullied in middle school for being gay so unfortunately you cannot write this off as another “angry man” or whatever, but i expect you’ll find some other way to dismiss this criticism, or maybe you’ll pretend you didn’t read it despite me reading your much longer vitriolic post.
i’m not saying you have to love and welcome trans women into Our Spaces—although i wish you did feel that way—but specifically i’m baffled that you think you have NOTHING in common with them solely because they were born with a penis. are genitals really that defining of a human being? i personally don’t find it super feminist to reduce my entire identity and human experience down to my having a vagina.
No, anon, I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t read this ask. I do acknowledge and appreciate two things:
You took the time to read my post. If I can be honest, I thought it’d be a bigger hit, and the fact it wasn’t is at least partially contributed to its length, I’m sure.
Even though you clearly disagree with me, this ask is respectful. I really do appreciate that.
With that out of the way, I would like to give you a response.
““I have nothing in common with trans women,” you say, and then you proceed to describe in vivid detail some obviously painful memories from your childhood that stayed with you: begging god to “fix” you, being viewed as dangerous by your peers for your identity.
you’re so right, when trans women were children everyone always clapped them on the back and said “great job today buddy we accept you!”
they never felt alienated, they were never treated as predators whilst being mere children, and they certainly never hoped a higher power would make them normal.”
I would like to point out that the post I made was specifically talking about “lesbian” trans women. In the beginning, I speak a bit generally about trans women as a whole, but my post was mainly about straight males who claim to be lesbians. I'm willing to accept that I have plenty in common with homosexual trans women (trans women into males) because we are both gay. Not only that, but I can relate to being so gnc that I’d rather just be the opposite sex. However, this part of your ask does not make nearly as much sense if we are talking about heterosexual trans women. Yes. Straight males very much so are considered normal. I think where people like you and people like me get into the most arguments is that we can't decide who is and who is not a trans woman. You seem to view them as tortured minorities who struggled since childhood. And some of them are—mostly the homosexual ones, but the thing is that men with sissy fetishes or autogynephilia also call themselves trans women. “But they’re not!” is what you’re probably saying, right? Those men are perverts, right? Okay, but they call themselves trans women. How do you know who's telling the truth or not? How do we prevent the liars from hurting women? What is stopping a man with a fucked up fetish from identifying as trans, entering a woman’s bathroom, and assaulting someone? You might be thinking that if a man wants to assault somebody, a woman's bathroom sign isn't going to stop him from doing so, but the thing is, if you make it a law that anybody can go into whatever bathroom they want to go into, it then becomes asinine to call the police on him. The police can't do anything because how do they know he doesn't belong there? Do you understand why this whole thing causes women such great pause?
You and I can trade pathos all day. I can tell you sad stories from my childhood growing up gay. You can talk to me about a sad boy crying in his room wishing he was a girl. It always comes back to “who do you care about more?” If a teenage girl talks about feeling genuine discomfort over males being allowed in the school locker rooms and a teenage boy talks about how much he wishes he had access to the girl locker rooms because he “feels” like a girl, whose side do you take? Who do you care about more? I will always choose women and gay people.
I left something out of my post, anon. It wasn't relevant but now I think it is. I've talked about this before but when I was a kid I struggled greatly with the fact that I was black. I can say with full confidence that I had racial dysphoria. I wanted to be white so badly. Both of my parents are black people, but I used to ask people if I could pass as half white. It was pretty bad. Would you have told me that I was meant to be born white? No? Then why do you think it’s okay to tell someone they’re meant to be born the opposite sex? Why is sex the only thing people are allowed to say is “wrong” about them? How ingrained are biases about sex that people look at a little boy playing with dolls, say “he’s supposed to be a girl”, and a disturbing amount of people say “true!”? That’s insane! Imagine if someone looked at a white person eating watermelon and said they were meant to be born black? That’s how people with your ideology sound. You don’t think you sound that way because you’ve had so many people backing you up, but if you can tell me why racial dysphoria isn’t valid but gender dysphoria is, I’ll reconsider everything. It is my “bad” luck I was born black, anon. There is nothing I can do to change that. Some boy wishing he was a girl is a sad thing, sure, but it’s simply a matter of tough luck lmao. He shouldn’t suddenly get everything he wants just because of that.
“nothing human is alien to yourself and i’m sorry you think you have not an inch of common ground with 50% of the earth. i hope you’re very young, that would explain this really defensive, combative and self-isolating stance you’ve taken.
i’m a cis woman who was also bullied in middle school for being gay so unfortunately you cannot write this off as another “angry man” or whatever, but i expect you’ll find some other way to dismiss this criticism, or maybe you’ll pretend you didn’t read it despite me reading your much longer vitriolic post.
i’m not saying you have to love and welcome trans women into Our Spaces—although i wish you did feel that way—but specifically i’m baffled that you think you have NOTHING in common with them solely because they were born with a penis. are genitals really that defining of a human being? i personally don’t find it super feminist to reduce my entire identity and human experience down to my having a vagina.”
50% of the population? You and I have been talking about trans women this whole time. Are they 50% of the population? Are you talking about men when you say this? Why? This is a bit of a freudian slip, anon. Seems like I’m not the only one here who knows trans women and men are the same thing.
I do think that “nothing human is alien to yourself” is a beautiful phrase, and I do agree! There are men and straight people I can relate to just fine. But I don’t agree with calling males lesbians and I don’t agree that people can be born in the wrong body. I am defensive and combative. Women and lesbians are actively being threatened. Self-isolating though? No, I don’t think so. I don't feel isolated at all. In fact, I think being open about my views has led to me being close to people I never would’ve thought. And even if my views did lead to my isolation, I would much rather be alone than with people who are actively hurting women and gay people.
“i’m baffled that you think you have NOTHING in common with them solely because they were born with a penis.” I can concede that saying “nothing” was more emotion based than logic based, but I think that the straight male experience is pretty damn different from the lesbian one. The male experience, in general, is pretty different from what I’ve had. That’s what I was speaking about.
“are genitals really that defining of a human being?” I don’t know about how much they define a human being, anon, but they definitely do contribute a lot to how the world treats you. If you have a penis, the world treats you a shit ton better than they do if you have a vagina. That’s just facts. Nobody can help being born with a penis, but the world is not a fair place. Also, for a trait that is apparently so neutral, people with penises manage to commit 90% of all violent crime. What do you make of that? If genitals are really neutral, why isn’t the crime rate between people with vaginas and people with penises a 50-50 split? You said yourself that nothing human is an alien concept to other humans, so if women go through the same experiences men do, why is there such a large disparity in crime? Why can women go through the things men do (and worse, let’s be real) and generally not end up as criminals? What is it about having a penis that contributes to this?
“I personally don’t find it super feminist to reduce my entire identity and human experience down to my having a vagina.” I never said women are only their vaginas. If I tried to talk about racism, I would not be “reducing black people down to their skin color”. There is no reason why talking about the female experience should be met with claims I’m reducing women down to their vaginas.
#I love that you think I would've thought you were an angry man#they would've never been so nice#especially on anon#I didn't know you were a cis woman (you could've been a trans man) but I knew you were female#Also if you missed it#the link to what anon is talking about is in the underlined 'post' is point number 1 at the beginning
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blood4blood was a little under two weeks of work; i really want to try and push myself to make shorter text games with strict deadlines, as opposed to my longer, more elaborate games. i was inspired to make this mainly when i saw strawberry jam, and i decided to make something that i could also submit to queer vampire jam. i set out to showcase two polar opposites of the lesbian sex experience, with a stone main character, and the added complexity of vampirism. not all-encompassing by any means, but i enjoy writing the kind of sex that i personally feel doesn't get represented properly (if at all) in more mainstream media.
i'm going to talk a bit about both blood4blood and bleeding heart under the cut
if you've read any of my other more recent work then at this point it's very obvious i love lesbian vampires. "reclaiming" feels too strong of a word, but i do like using this typically negative archetype of the lesbian vampire and giving a more nuanced depiction of it; the exploration of what society has deemed "monstrous." the fear of being predatory, the fear of hunger, desire, and sex, the potential for harm that every person carries. vampirism is very versatile as a metaphor.
i think of one of the scenes in stone butch blues, when Jess is first learning about butch/femme dynamics and sex, and Jacqueline tells her that she has the potential to make a woman feel both pleasure and pain, and knowing that, and knowing the difference, is what would make her a good lover.
i like depicting vampirism in this way. and i've ranted previously about why i dislike "ethical vampires" and this is why: because it's a metaphor!
in Bleeding Heart, Cecilia grievously harms her brother, potentially killing him, and can also kill Sawhill or Emina. yes, in the narrative she kills them, but it's not meant to be read so cut and dry.
i didn't want Sawhill (or even her brother) to be these Evil figures oppressing Cecilia, i wanted her killing Sawhill to feel kind of bad; he was misguided, but he was doing what he thought was right, and he did really love Cecilia. but it doesn't matter, because Cecilia can't love him in the way that he wants, and her telling him that, and being true to her nature, is what kills him. as someone who is still one foot in the closet myself, there's this looming threat over coming out. it can destroy relationships: with family, friends, coworkers. people will look at you differently, people may hate you, cut you off, disown you. while we live in a more accepting society now, this potential backlash and violence is still very real for a lot of people, and that's what i wanted to allude to. Sawhill is dead to Cecilia, both literally and metaphorically, because he cannot accept her.
and killing Sawhill causes a domino effect: Emina steps in to protect Cecilia, triggering the realization in her that she really is just like Cecilia. if Cecilia does not kill Sawhill, this doesn't happen, and Emina runs off, because she's not ready to face who she is in the way that Cecilia has done - Emina is trapped by Sawhill's expectations of her as his servant. Cecilia can even go so far as to kill Emina in her anger, by essentially trying to force her "out of the closet." all the while Darcy is there watching, ever present, this aspect of Cecilia that she can no longer repress.
in blood4blood, when writing Noor's route, i wanted both the player character and Noor to hold some kind of power. both can make the other feel good - both can make the other hurt. but in the end, they both lay everything out on the table, and choose to trust each other.
with Ramone, her and the pc are both butch, they are both vampires, they both feel like they have this inherent predatoriness to their desires and attraction. they've isolated themselves. but together they talk openly about what they like and don't like, and find pleasure in a way they both enjoy.
of course i could write these stories without including vampires, but i like the severity that it brings to the narrative. maybe it's dramatic, but i think it really emphasizes how dark and difficult these feelings can be for some people; it's not so easy to shrug off and ignore, it really does feel like you're cursed, that there's something wrong with you. and i like taking that and saying yes, there is something wrong with me; it will always be this way so long as society remains rigid and oppressive as it is. you know?
anyways. i love lesbian vampires 🖤
#i've been wanting to talk abt bleeding heart for a while hehe#i have so many thots abt lesbianism and vampirism and just monsters and queer identity in general#i hope my work acheives even a little of what im aiming for#my writing
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since it's pride month, do you have any lgbtq+ headcanons/interpretations for the puyo cast?
I got this one before pride month, so I was waiting till it's actually June to answer it.
Let me preempt this by saying that I don't really like making "headcanons" that would create contradiction in how I read the text as presented by the writers, because something that doesn't gel with the source material in a way that enhances my experience with it isn't a "headcanon" to me but an AU.
(I infamously once made a post on here where I was yelling about how people need to stop calling their AUs "headcanons" that went kinda viral... oops.)
(Don't look for it, that was YEARS ago)
So, while I love reading, for example, Arle x Rulue fanfics, lesbian Rulue would be an AU to me, not a headcanon, because Rulue being into Satan is just an undeniable reality of the source material.
(That said, bisexual or pan Rulue WOULD be a headcanon)
Likewise, due to how extremely proud Raffina is of being a "lady", trans girl Raffina would be a headcanon, but trans boy Raffina would be an AU... Anyway, I am rambling. This is just how I define those terms for myself.
So, let's move on to the queer readings I have for the Puyo characters (it's a lot).
Arle is asexual and aromantic. Schezo is asexual.
This one is obvious, I even drew art for that a couple days ago. It's not just a case of me projecting my own sexuality onto "my favorite characters" either; Schezo and Arle aren't even close to my favorites, I'm more partial to the Primp characters. However, in most of the games, with some sparse exceptions from the Compile era (where characterization was generally inconsistent and spotty), Arle and Schezo are written in a way that I can only describe as "arch-asexual".
Whenever Arle is written as she is currently understood (spunky, freedom loving, adventurous), she never shows interest in relationships of any kind. She outright calls Schezo and Rulue "sexy" multiple times in both, the Compile era and the Sega era, but that doesn't seem to make her feel anything, she uses the terms as blunt descriptors that don't have much meaning to her personally. As an asexual, I do find that very relatable. In general, Arle's only one true love seems to be the concept of adventure (especially dungeon crawling) itself. In the novel "Everyone's Dreams Come True", the projection the dream mist tries to entice her with when its sleep curse fails to grip onto her is a projection of the entrance to an underground dungeon. In the Web Original Manzai Shorts, when she tries to explain the concept of a "wedding" to Amitie, she is incredibly awkward about it, like she's never even considered it herself before. She really doesn't show any interest in "partnering" up with anyone (other than Carbuncle) for life.
Meanwhile, Schezo's entire running gag simply doesn't work if he's not asexual. His slip ups are funny because he does NOT mean it that way, but is really only interested in three things: Power, cute stuff and food (in that order). The two times in the Compile era where he's not written as "asexual" infamously are hated by fans because they ruin his entire characterization: Saturn Madou's portrayal of Schezo is a black sheep for the entire franchise, both in the Japanese and English fandoms, and the one line he has in Nazo Puyo Tsuu that contradicts his otherwise asexual portrayal (I won't even repeat what he says...) makes absolutely no damn sense, even in context. A Schezo who portrays actual genuine interest in sexual matters in canon materials is a badly written Schezo. We have empirical proof of that.
That said, unlike with Arle, I don't feel comfortable also calling Schezo aromantic, because... I feel like he just hasn't had the room to explore whether he wants someone in his life or not yet. He had the Dark Mage business forced upon him at a very young age. He's isolated himself from people in a way that made it hard for him to start connecting again once people actually did come back into his life. When he thinks someone (I think it was Draco, but I forget) is flirting with him in Waku Puyo Dungeon, he seems genuinely flustered, not because he's interested, but because he's never thought anyone ever would act like that towards him (and unlike with Arle, that moment doesn't disrupt his characterization at all), and when he thinks Ms. Accord is flirting with him in Puyo Puyo 15th he has a minor meltdown, because he's not even sure if he wants to turn her down, but also thinks he just shouldn't have a romantic partner as the dark mage... So yeah, I think Schezo still needs time to figure stuff out for himself.
Satan is bigender or genderfluid
While he's portraying a super-masculine image whenever he's on screen, he's also shown zero qualms about slipping into more feminine roles, and openly and happily admits that he wanted to LARP as a princess in distress for Arle to save in Chronicle. His "Satan Saturn" alt in Quest is also really girlish, with the bow and the ponytail and the cherry blossoms, and he seems to be enjoying himself... As an ancient, possibly primordial demon lord, I think it would be weirder if he didn't have a rather lax approach to gender, tbh.
Oh, fun fact, in Madou Monogatari 2, the first time Satan ever appeared, his description of the person he wants to marry does not mention gender at any point. His only condition is that they're powerful, beautiful, wise and intelligent enough to make it to the bottom level of his dungeon in the Layla ruins...
Klug is a baby gay.
His babysitter-crush on Lemres is so palpable, it's downright painful. :'D Even Feli sees him as a romantic rival! The way swoons about Lemres during Tet 2 was quite telling as well.
There are a couple of moments in 15th where Klug portrays interest in women (specifically, older women...) but those just stink of comphet to me and are genuinely just extremely awkward moments that I am glad have never been addressed again since. 15th was only the second time Klug was more than a minor side character and I feel his characterization wasn't quite settled yet back then, so even aside from this, there is a lot of stuff in there that generally "feels wrong" in comparison to how the character has been consistently written in all materials since then. Even in his White Day alt in Quest, he only talks about how being popular by giving girls chocolate gifts will give him a sense of authority AND bring him closer to Lemres, so yeah. In retrospect, I absolutely read those awkward moments in 15th as comphet. He's a baby gay with a babysitter crush on Lemres and will hopefully find himself a nice guy his own age as he grows up.
Amitie will grow up to be poly and pan
In the drama CDs and novels its shown that Amitie absolutely doesn't understand why anyone would want to have only one romantic partner, and when she first hears about the concept of a "wedding" (which she apparently has never been confronted with directly before then??) she immediately wants to have one with her entire class.
Rulue attributes this to Amitie being "still a child", but I don't see it that way, given this behavior persists for two novels in succession. Even when Amitie shows signs of a specific crush on Sig, it always comes with the caveat on "I want to get others in on it too!"
So yeah. No way this girl won't have amassed a "harem" of boy- girl- and other-friends by the time she's off age and certified as a sorceress...
Raffina and Lidelle give off trans girl vibes, and Raffina is probably a lesbian
Raffina's determination to prove herself as a "lady" and Lidelle's fear of having certain of her physical features be "seen" seem to connect really strongly to a lot of my trans friends as analogue to their own experiences and I can totally see it. Portrayals like that would just blend in perfectly with their characterization.
As for lesbian Raffina, it's just a vibe I get from her. The few times she mentions handsome men, it seems more like she wants them as a status symbol, but has no actual interest in being with them. Even when she thinks the prince Otomo is looking for is "handsome", she has 0 interest in helping the man search for the prince until Otomo offers her a reward. Then, "Everyone's Dreams Come True" showcasts it even more clearly when the dream she is trapped in includes her "keeping" an army of young bodybuilders as "servants", and enjoying the fact that they want to be with her soooo badly, while she has no intention of ever giving them the time of day, holding the fact that they are "not worthy of her" over their heads. Meanwhile, when she's with other girls (like Rulue or Lidelle post Fever 2) she seems far more appreciative.
Either Maguro or Risukuma is a trans boy. Either one of them.
I don't think about this one too often, but it would make sense. Maguro was bullied as a kid for "looking like a girl", and a friend of mine has this amazing headcanon that the experiment that turned Risukuma into a squirrelbear was actually homebrew instant HRT. Amazing, 10/10.
I'll admit, this is partially just me having fun with the fact that Maguro and Ris were originally written as girls before plans for Puyo Puyo 7 changed, but, hey! It doesn't contradict with anything, so why not?
Ecolo is Ecolo
'Nuff said. There is no gender that can contain the absolute glitch in spacetime that is Ecolo.
The fact that Ecolonosuke (one of Team Ecolo, who all represent aspects of Ecolo's personality) is canonically nonbinary helps, too!
Seo and Accord are lesbians and they will get married in this essay I will-
I AM SORRY, BUT SEO CANONICALLY NEEDS ACCORD TO REMIND HER TO EAT FOOD OR SHE WILL DIE.
THEY ARE THE GASLIGHT AND THE GIRLBOSS, THEY BELONG TOGETHER (Popoi is the gatekeep)
Eight = GAY
I'm sorry, Quest is not even SUBTLE about this one!
The day Eight shuts up about how badly he wants to get closer to Zero and his genius is the day he finally forgets to breathe between his words and perishes.
Okay, so these are all the big ones. If I forgot anything, it's because I don't think about it often or because it's canon anyway (cough, cough, dapper bones...)
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Orin’s lesbian experience with loneliness.
Orin the Red is a bitter, snappy, spiteful woman with murder on her mind and a burning desire for… recognition.
Recognition in any way, shape and form. Leaving her name on letters at her crime scenes. Developing a recognisable, artistic style in her slaughters and an unforgettable appearance. She is extremely well spoken - remarkably so - and her vocabulary is uniquely gory to suit her and everything she does. Orin the Red stands out in almost every way possible. Everything about her is special from the bizarre swirls beneath her skin to her deathly childhood, all the way through to adulthood. And yet she finds herself bumping heads with other Bhaalspawn and being subjected to competition despite the air of entitlement she was raised to have.
Orin does not understand the lack of flair and artistry in other Bhaalists work. She views herself as far above everyone else (fairly so, given her extreme skill) and operates accordingly. Underlings are there to serve her and Bhaal, yes, but they are also there to learn from her vastly superior killing ability. She educates those willing to learn. Orin demonstrates high anatomical knowledge and masterful understanding of the tools at hand to those wishing to improve in their own craft. It disappoints her that though they copy her and hit the correct locations, it is not the same. It does not have their emotions, their thoughts, their artistic intentions embedded within the flesh. It results in murder, but it is not beautiful. They don’t seem to care or want to change that. They admire her efficiency but nothing more.
It gets her thinking.
She does not understand why they do not care for art in blood, or why they speak plainly. They do not consider each move yet their impulsivity is almost as bland and boring as a full itinerary. But they find community with each other (regardless of how fragile) and a life of choice. Orin was born into this community and has spent every single second of her life dedicated to Him, but she does not feel like she is part of that community. Orin does not have any friends. She does not have coworkers. She has underlings. She does not understand how to connect and even empathise, nor does she understand how to communicate with them outside of barking orders. These people are the closest to Orin that Orin will ever find. Almost everyone else on the planet would view her as a barbaric entity completely void of humanity. Bhaalists would agree but with a glimmer in their eyes. All signs should point to Orin having a very accessible plethora of friends yet she remains without real connections or long-standing friendships.
If Orin was to be asked for her closest friend, her mind would very briefly flicker over Minthara Baenre. Not really a friend, not really a coworker, barely an underling... Orin kept her close regardless. She had no respect for Minthara's personal space, wants or wishes. She commanded Minthara to do this and that as she pleased, and she allowed Minthara to worship her. The "friendship" was completely and utterly imbalanced. One serves, one commands. Orin and Bhaal. Minthara and Orin. In Orin's head, Minthara existed as her "chosen". A stern, swift, neglectful hand dealt upon Minthara as was once dealt upon Orin. The only difference is Minthara manages to escape it and it seems like Orin never will. Always the student, never the master.
Despite this, Minthara had a "luxury" very few have been given, if anybody. To brush Orin the Red's hair. To casually chat with her as she sharpened her blades. To see the isolation and bloody sterilisation that makes up what it is to be a Bhaalist experiment. A child raised entirely without love, surrounded by slaughter. A child without a childhood. Born to be a murderer - a slayer, if you will - and yet...
Not one, but two people given a fighting chance by her hand.
A tadpole in her bloodkin's skull, and a tadpole burrowed deep behind Minthara's eye. Orin could've easily killed them both. Her illithid infection didn't exactly come from a place of mercy but perhaps an acute exercise of freewill and choice. To infect her bloodkin, one whom outranked her, was a flex of power and maybe even an attempt to humiliate. To infect Minthara was to dispel her from her side, all while keeping her under the heel of the Absolute and ensure the occasional contact despite its sparsity. Orin didn't want to get rid of Minthara. Why?
Did she love Minthara? Is she capable of that? Does Orin believe that she was raised with love, and reflected that behaviour onto Minthara? Maybe. Maybe not.
Intimacy doesn't come naturally to Orin, nor does romance in general. Given her time constraints in day to day life and her "fondness" for Minthara, it isn't unlikely that Minthara may have been the first Orin trusted. A new form of release, and a new experience, built on the back of actual trust. Orin would've had firm control over it and Minthara unwaveringly loyal. No risk of things slipping out of her hands. Maybe that even for the first time, Orin exercised restraint and gentle hands.
Those displays of vulnerability towards Minthara could've been Orin's way of communicating love (unlikely) or even mutual respect (even more unlikely). Maybe Orin just liked someone devoted to her. A change.
Did Orin love Minthara, or did she love her devotion?
Orin loved Minthara the only way she knows how; through control and abuse, and acute displays of freedom.
After Minthara was expelled to the goblin camp, Orin returned to extreme self-isolation and being "respected" out of necessity. She no longer had the release she had before - not without running the risk of trusting another person - and now exclusively had to focus her frustrations and desires on the plan at hand. A part of her wondered if she truly wanted to bench Minthara or if Bhaal wanted that for her. Had he ever wanted anything for Orin outside of her absolute devotion? No. Not really. Orin convinced herself it was his gentle redirection to focus her properly. Minthara's absence, her lack of distraction, must've meant that Orin was well on her way to truly being accepted by Him... right?
To be unable to connect with anyone, trust anyone, live alongside anyone, all while being surrounded by people who should want to worship you.
Orin does not understand. She understands that she does not understand, and that is the hardest part of all.
#smelly orin#bg3#character analysis#orin headcanons#Orin is autistic and deeply abused she's so toast#I will always love you Orin#my smelly girl#Minthara Baenre
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ok so first and foremost i dont agree with ppl being mean and insulting you because thats not how you get people to listen to what you have to say so i am sorry about the prev ppl immediately going to attack you but im not going to sit here and minimize their anger because its not baseless and they are well within their right to feel that way. im coming here to try and at least offer my view as a lesbian, which i doubt will do anything but its worth a shot i guess.
i dont agree with the implication that 'bi/mspec lesbian' labels are not harmful when they are fundamentally lesbophobic, biphobic, and transphobic from the talking points ive seen, and hurt us. implying that lesbians can feel attraction to men is the same rhetoric homophobes push onto us in real life to try and imply our sexuality is a phase and can be cured. "you just need to give men a chance." yk things of that nature. im not going to dive deep into the biphohia of it because i do not live the experience of a bisexual and i dont want to talk over bisexuals but i think it speaks for itself when people are so adverse to the label. you must ask yourself why are you so afraid to identify as bisexual? lesbianism has always included nonbinary, trans, gnc, and intersex people. and if its 'too restrictive' then it does not apply to you. lesbians do not and will not ever be attracted to men, i know its hard to believe but yes! people who arent attracted to men exist! we exist! i feel people are so angry and emotionally charged is because we are tired. tired of facing lesbophobia from outside and within the community. sorry for the long ask i tried to keep it short and concise. all i can say is please listen to actual lesbians.
hi, thank you for not being an ass an providing an actual argument, i very much appreciate that /gen. there genuinely is a horrid amount of lesbophobia, biphobia, and transphobia within the community. i know that there are a lot of arguments that the mspec label contributes to such. i just cannot get over the fact we are having fights like this within a community that is actively being attacked so heavily as a whole, especially right now.
your argument's reminiscent of the idea that the pan label is biphobic. genuinely, some people just identify with one label more than another, and sometimes people feel best defined by a combination of labels. even if the difference between the definition of bi and pan is miniscule to you, it might be big enough of a difference to someone else for it to matter.
it's not about "fear" of identifying as a certain label, sometimes it just doesn't. feel. right. once again! i could identify with bi, pan, omni, whatever label! but it's just not me. this has been said before, but nothing about identity is simple. feeling like we need to separate each other all into our own little boxes is incredibly isolating. the point of having this community to begin with, is so we all know that we're not alone.
everyone's just trying to live their lives. you genuinely seem like you have good intentions and god, i KNOW that this argument's tiring, and i can't imagine what it's like to deal with all the other arguments targeted against lesbians in particular, and i won't act like i'll ever understand the struggle with lesbophobic arguments, since i'm not a lesbian.
but people outside of the community are taking advantage of this argument even existing in order to make life worse for us as a whole, regardless of whatever label you choose to use. whether you're bi, a lesbian, or a bi lesbian, doesn't matter to the people passing bills against our rights and healthcare and protection. any difference to them is equally wrong. i'd rather stand against that idea as a whole than go along with it to suit whatever i'm trying to convey.
i just don't want to cause people to struggle to be themselves and live their lives simultaneously. majority of us have that same goal. even if we don't agree with each other along the way, at the end of the day, we all just want to feel safe and happy.
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I've recently come to the realisation that I'm aroace, after trying for a long time to convince myself I'm bi or a lesbian. But, tbh, I'm just not. And admitting that is so hard sometimes, like, today I woke up and have been down about it the whole day. I can barely breathe because not being able to romantically fall in love makes me so damn sad and I just don't know how to deal with that. It's not even that I put romantic love above platonic or that I'm scared to be alone, but accepting I'm aromantic is such a damn isolating experience and right now it's crushing me. I feel so fucking lonely most of the time.
Sure, I have a few friends, but no one I can share physical touch with, which is my love language.
As if that wasn't heartbreaking enough, due to my ADHD I experience rejection sensitive dysphoria, meaning when I'm not with someone, I don't think the love me anymore. Only when people frequently tell or show me they cherish me I can believe that they do because... otherwise my brain just forgets and makes me even more lonely in the process.
The only person I know loves me is my homophobic mum, but tbh, I'd rather come out to her as a lesbian than feel no romantic love at all. Queer Romance is my favourite genre in shows and books for fucks sake and all it does now is make me incredibly sad
#aromantic#asexual#aroace#arospec#acespec#aspec#aroacespec#arose#adhd#rejection sensitive dysphoria#rsd#homophobia#coming out
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Hi Jen, I have a question about types and butch/femme stuff. I’m a butch (or at the very least androgynous) and I’ve only ever been attracted to other butch/gnc/androgynous women. It’s what helped me realize I was a lesbian, because I was never attracted to femmes I thought I could never be gay. I’ve never seen feminine women as attractive and I don’t see why I ever would.
But I feel like I’m the only butch in the world who is exclusively into other butches. Every other butch I see/know is always with a femme, even the ones that say they are attracted to both. I already felt so isolated before coming out and now im stuck with that same feeling in a new environment.
Do you have any advice for anything like this? Or advice for feeling alone in our community?
(p.s. I don’t hate femmes, people seem to get this idea when I tell them they are not my type)
FIrst let me say to your PS. In no circumstances does not being attracted to someone or some type equate to hate. We like what we like and no one else gets a say in that. We don't need to exprience sexual or other physical or emotional attraction to someone in order to prove that we don't hate them. People that think that should probably be avoided because they are placing way too much pressure on others to push personal boundaries and that is unfair and even dangerous.
I know plenty of butches who are butch4butch and several are close friends. At least one or two have mentioned thinking the same kind of things you have dealt with, about butches only like femmes. My experience and my opinion is that butches and femmes exist seperately from each other. Ones does not rely on the other to exist. They are independant identities.
The majority of my lesbian friends are neither butch nor femme and date whomever they find attractive. I believe same goes for butches and femmes. We date and form relationships with those we find most physically and emotionally attractive to us. Plenty of butches don't dates femmes or even other butches.
When I broke up with my femme first girlfriend I convinced myself that I should like other butches because we could relate to each other more and I ended up with a butch for 17 years. THIS was a mistake. We were friends (sometimes) but really held no real passion for each other.
It is like we got so deep in trying to make our marriage last so as not to be a failure that we ignored the fact that neither of us held any attraction for the other. Once we addressed the face that we both almost exclusively attracted to femmes, or at least women more feminine than us we split up. She went on to meet and fall very much i happy love with a femme. I too went on to embrace my attraction to more feminine women.
My point is, do not fight your natural attraction. Don't let other people or any community tell you who or what you are supposed to be attracted to. Be honest with yourself and what ignites your passion. Who gives you the warm fuzzies and make you feel giddy.
If you have any chance to attend a women's festival or event I would suggest it. When I was young and struggling, still unsure what butch was or meant, and in fact having a lot of false ideas about it, seeing a lot of women of all body types and styles really helped me to see that I did fit. I met my first set of butches at one and was like "whoa.. I see me" and they showed me I could be just me.
It took me years to understand that also meant I could date whomever made me happy and not just the next woman who was nice. Or that I had to avoid my true attraction because that was acting "too much like a man" or being predatory to like feminine women. Listen to your own heart and find friends who will honor that.
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Hello! I enjoy your blog and hearing you talk about the another cast! (I got into the franchise in like late August, am addicted) uh what would you say is your favorite hcs for some of the characters?
.....i never answered this i am SO sorry </3 gonna try to list off random hcs for a mix of characters!!
1)yuuki + nikei bond over drinking a absurd amount of soda. yuuki drinking mountain dew will always be real to me, and we knowww nikei likes weird and obscure sodas
2)kizuna struggles with being possessive over her items and doesn't like people borrowing her stuff, but if she actually tried it, she'd realize she really likes buying gifts for people
3)kanata isn't super into fashion but she likes feeling pretty, and often feels cute in like... flowy dresses, but she rarely has the time/energy, and feels a bit weird "dressing up"
4)while he felt more in his element in the killing game/had reason to distance himself from the class, and not try to bond with them, in non-despair verses, tsurugi feels really awkward around the others, and has a hard time engaging and making friends. part of this is because he befriended kouhei via kouhei looking at him and going "is for me?", part of it is because he's. ya know. still extremely traumatized by the uh... other thing that happened with kouhei
5)kinji can't draw for shit. like, objectively speaking, he can't get his pencil to do what he wants
6)yoruko dedicates one day a week to taking care of her hair, nails, skin, etc. it helps her feel in control + comfortable with her experience after being bullied, but once she does some more healing with her past, she realizes it's just genuinely soothing now
7)emma isn't very popular with her fellow actors. she tends to isolate a lot when on set, and isn't close with her co-stars. she's very friendly with reports, fans, et cetera though.
8)haruhiko is very "man i wish i liked dudes, girls are totally sweet, but sometimes i wish i could date guys too..." not realizing he literally just described an attraction to both genders.
9)im just generally a queer yuri truther. i remember seeing people say hc'ing him as lgbt was gross. i for one think that looking at how he acts in canon and going "yeah this is fine and healthy and indicative of a good mental status" is gross.
10)mikako had a "not like other girls" phase which she has officially left behind her, but only semi-recently. while working on undoing that mentality, she realized she's sapphic (i hc her as a-spec too tho, maybe aro lesbian? my identity hcs change every three seconds whoopsie)
11)speaking of. EVERYONE TRANS!!! i esp like transhet shinji tho that has a special place in my heart. he's big bro, ur honor <3
okay i want to say more BUT i have a lab due in a few hours and dont want to fall class so. the end!!!!! oh fuck i have to tag this.
#dra#sdra2#headcanons#<- that tag should have all my hc posts/rqs if u wanna see more!#yuuki maeda#nikei yomiuri#kizuna tomori#kanata inori#tsurugi kinjo#kinji uehara#yoruko kabuya#emma magorobi#haruhiko kobashikawa#yuri kagarin#mikako kurokawa#shinji kasai#tw: bullying
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