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willowbelle · 6 months

Note

i would kill for you to write some Law smut where he has a breeding kink please ^~^

as someone who literally has a breeding kink, say no more, anon. i’m on it! \(>ᴗ•)/♡︎

Hidden Desires

❤︎ trafalgar law x fem reader ❤︎

𖤐₊˚.༄ (nsfw, afab!reader, 18+ only) 𖤐₊˚.༄

cw: established relationship, oral (f receiving), teasing, unprotected sex (don’t), breeding kink (duh), missionary, mating press, rough sex, slight stomach bulge, creampie (duh), petnames, fluff at end

summary: established relationship, reader is a member of heart pirates, Law has a secret kink that reader wants to figure out, Law lets his desires out, super nsfw with some fluff at end!

word count: ~2600

note: only loosely proofread so bear with me, my loves.

𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧

Hidden Desires

Your boyfriend was a cynical man.

He liked things to be thorough and correct, nothing to be left to interpretation. He was a doctor, after all, a very practical one at that. His analytical precision was nothing to gawk at. For example, when it came to your sex life, he always insisted on rolling a condom over his impressive length before he railed you into the mattress.

But you were about to discover that there was something about Trafalgar Law that made him want to stray away from this methodical way of life.

He buried this desire deep inside himself, too frightened for what might happen if it were to see the light of day, if it were to make its way to your unsuspecting ears.

You knew there had to be something. Something about himself that he was hiding from you. Sometimes, when he fucked you, you saw some glimmers of this yearning slip from within him. On one occasion in particular, when he had you pressed against one of the icy walls of the Polar Tang, your legs wrapped around his waist shakily as he pounded into you, he let his aching speak for him,

“I want to fill you to the brim, y/n…”

The confession was quiet, so much so that you asked him to repeat himself, surely you had heard him incorrectly. Hips still snapping away against yours, he shook his head and groaned into your neck, refusing to elaborate.

This interaction had sprouted a seed in your mind, a tiny one, but one that you determined to nourish and sprout; what longing resided inside your boyfriend, your captain, that he insisted on keeping hidden from you?

Law was seated at his desk in his office, scribbling away in his notebook, his other hand holding open an anatomy textbook, dark gray eyes scanning back and forth between the two.

You laid on his bed, your body still, but your mind racing.

Silence had hung heavy in the room for over an hour now. The two of you had an agreement, if you wanted to keep him company while he worked, you needed to stay quiet. You knew Law was busy today, like every day, and you knew better than to disturb him.

You anxiously picked at your fingernails, trying desperately to catch up with your turbulent mind.

“What’s got your brain so preoccupied, y/n?” your boyfriend’s deep voice began, much to your surprise. He was speaking to you, of course, but his eyes remained glued to his notes. Law was an observant man, you weren’t surprised that he could still pick up on your mannerisms, even with his back to you.

“Thinking…” you admitted, knowing it wasn’t much of a confession.

“Clearly,” he toyed. You couldn’t see his face, but your brain filled in the missing piece. You knew he was smirking, as he always did when he bantered with you.

“What are you hiding from me, Law?” you began, moving off of the bed and bringing yourself to your feet, “I want to know what’s in there,” you spoke, motioning to his head with the point of your finger.

Your boyfriend finally brought his face up from his textbook to meet your curious eyes.

“What are you talking about, doll?” he chuckled, “You know me better than anyone.”

“I know I know you, Law,” you grinned at him, making your way towards him, placing your hand on his toned chest beneath his shirt. “But I want to know what you want to do to me. What you really want to do to me.”

To the outside perspective, Law’s face was cold and calculating, but to you, his partner, you could make out the slight blush that now dusted his cheeks, and the glimmer of arousal in his eyes.

“You really want to know, y/n?” he began, his voice now a seductive whisper.

Staring up at him, you gulped dryly. Even with no idea what to expect, you placed all of your trust in Law’s tattooed hands, and nodded your head.

With your assurance, Law began to speak again, bringing his fingers to the buttons of his shirt.

“Ive always wondered,” be began, starting to undo the buttons, “what it would be like,” working his way down his shirt, shrugging it off of his toned shoulders, exposing his tattooed chest and abdomen to you, “to fill you up.” Law gazes down at you, face painted with a knowing smirk.

You felt heat begin to grow in your core as you stared up at the shirtless man before you, your cheeks now glowing pink.

“L-Like how?” you stuttered meekly.

Law chuckles at you before sinking to his knees before you, placing his strong hands at the waistband of your skirt before pulling it down in one swift motion, leaving you in nothing but your slick-coated panties, causing you to blush even deeper, heat now boiling in your core.

“I want you to think about,” he begins, pausing to kiss along your thighs, “what it would be like,” he kisses more, making his way towards your slit beneath the fabric of your underwear, “to be stuffed full of my cum,” he begins to kiss your slit, causing you to gasp and reach down to grab ahold of his dark hair, “to be filled with my babies, y/n”

“L-Law…” his name is the only thing you can utter in response to his lewd confession.

He hooks his fingers beneath the band on your panties, pulling them down, too, to meet your skirt in a pile on the floor.

He spread your legs slightly to give himself access to your dripping pussy, rewarding it with a long stripe of his hot, wet tongue, causing you to throw your head back and cry out for him.

“A-Ah, L-Law-!”

His tongue continues its ravenous assault on your clit and opening, causing your legs to shake and buckle beneath you, but your strong boyfriend holds you up, not stopping for even a moment, his tongue still working wonders into your cunt. He lapped and swirled his tongue at your swollen clit, earning more gasps and cries from within your throat. Your vision began to grow hazy as Law pulls you further and further towards your impending orgasm.

“L-Law, i’m c-coming!” you cried, fingers still locked in his dark hair.

He only groans into your pussy in response, still feverishly working at your clit.

In an instant, the knot growing within your stomach snaps, and you’re gushing fluids onto Law’s hardworking tongue, throwing your head back and crying at the intensity of your orgasm.

“O-oh, my god, Law!”

Before you can even have a chance to recover, Law scoops you up and hoists you over his shoulder, carrying you to his bed.

“H-Hey!” you meekly protested, hitting your delicate fists into his back, “I need a second!”

“Sorry, dear,” he began, voice ridden with lust, “Need you now.”

You blushed immensely at his confession as he throws you gently onto the bed, wasting no time as he climbs atop you and locks his lips with yours. He’s breathing heavily as he kisses you, overcome with passion and desire. Your tongues dance together as you moan into one another’s mouths, Law dipping his hand down to begin working at the button and zipper to his jeans. You hear the familiar sound of a zipper being dragged along its track and clothes hitting the floor. When you open your eyes and glance down, you’re pleasantly surprised to see your boyfriend’s long, beautiful cock standing upright against his stomach, pulsing with desire to be encased within your hot, tight, welcoming walls.

You wait patiently for Law to climb off of you and retrieve a condom from his nightstand, like he always does. Except, this time, for the first time, it begins differently. Law catches you offguard by taking his throbbing cock in his hand and rubbing his flushed, leaking tip up and down your slit, bare.

“B-But Law,” you started, voice trembling, “W-What about protection?” you uttered meekly.

Law chuckles as he holds himself up on top of you, his muscular arm flexing, still using his other hand to rub his bare tip against your leaking slit. “I want to feel you, y/n,” he begins, “Really feel you,” his voice is low and husky, “Everyday I sit at my desk and imagine what it would be like to fill you up with my cum until its spilling out of that pretty pussy of yours. I want to pump my babies into you, y/n” his face is in your neck as he confesses, his voice like warm honey in your ears.

Your legs tremble around his waist as you feel the evidence of your arousal now leaking more profusely onto your boyfriend’s thick cock.

“Then stuff me full, Law, please,” you purred into his ear, your voice velvety and seductive.

Law’s breath hitches in his throat and you feel his big cock twitch against your opening, clearly aroused by your desperate plea. He groans in your ear as he begins to push his blunt tip into your tight, leaking hole.

“F-Fuck baby,” he groans, “You ready?”

“Fuck me, Law,” you grasped at his muscular back as you pleaded, “Fill me with your babies.”

At this, Law wastes no time pushing into you, you let out a loud cry as he stuffs you full, in one swift motion, his long cock is fully enveloped within your tight, gummy walls.

“O-Oh my god, L-Law, you’re so big-!” you cry out, nails digging down his back.

He groans at the familiar feeling of your hot walls squeezing him in so tightly.

“I know I am, baby, show me you can take it,” he teases, voice shaky with pleasure.

Law begins to thrust his hips into yours, fucking you into the mattress as you shake and cry beneath him.

You inhale sharply each time he thrusts forwards, his blunt tip kissing your cervix with each movement, causing a small bulge in your stomach. Noticing this as well, Law smirks and presses a hand to your stomach to intensify your pleasure,

“Look at that, baby,” he groans, his eyes motioning to where his cock shows through your skin, “look how good im stuffing you,”

You cry out in pleasure, looking down to be greeted with the sight of Law’s cock pulsing beneath your skin.

“M-Mmm! Law-!”

Law’s tattooed hand moves upwards to hold your face, his thumb rubbing comforting circles into your cheek before he wipes your tears.

“You’re being such a good girl, y/n, taking this big cock of mine so damn well,” he praises.

You moan at his lewd remarks, wrapping your legs around his waist and pushing your ankles into his back, silently begging for him to go harder, faster, anything, you just needed more.

“Oh yeah?” Law smirks, “As you wish, my love.”

Law brings his hips back before slamming into you, making you scream out for him.

“Fuck! Law!” you cried, helplessly digging into his back. Your head spun at the intensity of the entire situation, your boyfriend finally letting his lewd desires escape his brain, his stoic composure breaking and coming undone and he pounds into your tight pussy and groans your name from atop you.

A serious 180 from earlier, when nothing but silence filled the room, but now, as your boyfriend had his way with you, the walls vibrated with the obscene sounds of moans and wet skin slapping together.

Law’s balls slapped against your cunt with each forward thrust, making you moan out delightfully at the feeling.

You felt yourself reaching your limit, colored tars dancing beneath your eyelids as you squeezed them shut while Law’s cock battered your cervix.

You dug your nails harder into his toned back, surely drawing blood, making him groan out loudly in pleasure.

“Shit, y/n, you’re taking me so well, you’re so fucking tight.”

You knew exactly what you had to say to break him, to make him burst inside you.

“F-Fill me, Law…” you whimpered in between thrusts, “stuff me full of your babies, make them leak out of this little pussy,” you cried, your eyes filled with tears, drool spilling from your mouth as you moaned for him.

“F-Fuck, y/n! You have no idea what that does to me-!” Law groaned through gritted teeth, his body trembling as he railed you.

And then, he pulls your legs from the death-lock they had on his waist and presses them down into the mattress, forcing you into a mating press.

“L-Law-!” you cried, now feeling his cock even deeper.

“G-Gotta make sure I get it all into you, y/n,” he groaned into your ear, making you shiver, “None of this cum can go to waste,” he purred, “Need to shoot it straight into your womb~”

You blush immensely at his obscene words.

He thrusts harder, now, the bulge in your stomach showing more prominently.

“N-Nghhh-! L-Law! I’m s-so close-!” you screamed, feeling yourself coming undone beneath pleasure-hungry, lust-ridden boyfriend.

“I’m right behind you, dear,” Law groaned, assuring you, “Let it out.”

And with his permission, you felt stars dance beneath your skin as you orgasmed, gushing onto Law’s throbbing cock, coating him in your slick.

“F-Fuck, baby,” Law cursed, voice hoarse, “I’m coming,” he groaned into your ear.

In an instant, you feel as Law’s cock shoots hot ropes of cum into your pussy, decorating your inner walls.

You throw your head back and moan out, digging your fingers into the bedsheets, trembling at the new sensation.

“L-Law-! Fuck! I feel it!” you cried, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes and spilling down your hot, red cheeks.

“Y-Yeah? You feel my cum shooting into you, baby?” he groans, still thrusting into you, riding out his orgasm, forcing his cum deeper into you, “Gotta stuff it all into you,” he moans out.

You shake beneath him, feeling his hot cum begin to spill out of your cunt as he continues to stuff you with his big cock.

Eventually, Law’s hips slow and then still, his tattooed chest heaving up and down as he breaths heavily, coming down from his high.

He reaches down with a shaky hand and pulls out of you slowly, making you whine as you throb around nothing.

“Y/n?” he inquires, looking down at your flushed body, wet with sweat and moving up and down shakily as you breathe, attempting but failing to catch your breath. “Are you okay, doll?” he voice was ridden with concern, fearful that he overstepped with his kink.

You smirk and him and sit up, making him lay down before settling into his warm chest, his cum running down your legs.

You feel at home.

You hum happily before you looking up at him with your big doe eyes.

You grab his large hand in your smaller one, placing it gently on your stomach before leaning in to kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear, mirroring his statement from earlier,

“Everyday, I sit on your bed and think about how empty I feel.”

You feel your boyfriend tense beneath you, blush tinting his cheeks as you playfully bite at the shell of his ear,

“Thank you for filling me up, Law~”

𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧

anon, my dear, i sincerely hope this quenched your thirst-! it surely did mine (,,> ᴗ <,,)

i hope you all enjoyed breeding kink law!! ʚ♡︎ɞ

kisses,

willow ꒰⚘݄꒱

©this work belongs to willowhaze26.

do not repost, modify, plagiarize, translate, or share on other platforms.

comments, likes, and reblogs appreciated!

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kairiscorner · 10 months

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Could you write an angsty hobie x reader where they both get into an argument? Everything is up to you!

ask and you shall receive anon :> i eat angst up for breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner, and late night snack and dessert. i hope you like this !!

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

sometimes, you can't make it all better. — hobie brown x reader (angst)

summary: you loved hobie dearly, and you loved how despite how shitty the world was, he kept trying to make it a safer place for you two. but when you see him beat himself up over almost losing you... you can't recognize the boy you once loved in those frightened, hopeless eyes of his. pairing: hobie brown x gn!reader genre: angst. word count: 2,481 author's note: ok, i feel like i haven't been doing enough with my interpretation of hobie in more daring ideas an prompts, so i've wondered what he'd be like in an angsty situation. i hope y'all like it, and i'm sorry if the british pronunciations/slang are awful 😭😭😭

to hobie, it felt like everything was possible with you; like everything began and ended with you to him, that everything wouldn't be anything if he wasn't there for you, to save you, be spider man for you. he had never wanted anything more than to just be there for you, make the world a little better than how it was before you two were together.

he may appear cool and level-headed, a bit of a jokester as well, on the surface–but deep, deep down, in the recesses of his psyche, therein lies a dark void of fear, irrepressible, palpable fear. that fear being that one day, if he slips up, lets go at a crucial moment when he can't handle everything being thrown at him–when he closes his eyes for even a fraction of a second–you'd be gone.

hobie has seen and gone through a lot of unfortunate things in his life, and every time, he gets through it somehow. some may say he's incredibly tough and fortified for handling all that he's been through, all that he's seen, but what doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger–it makes you question just why it had to happen to you, both the bad... and the good. the good being you, the sole ray of light that shines in his life–the only reason he has to tread carefully and look after himself is you.

to say he was in love with you was an understatement, hobie was completely and utterly smitten, enamored with you. he loves you dearer than dearly, he loves you with a love that doesn't overbear, a love that isn't selfish–he loves you with a love that only he can give you, that nobody else can give quite like he can. he adores you for who you are, for what you can do, for your heart and mind–you were so perfect in every way because you were so flawed and real, and that was the beautiful reality of you that hobie fell headfirst for.

but he can't bear to face that other, pivotal reality that haunts him, that reality being that you were more fragile than him. you were a civilian–an ordinary person that lived an ordinary life; but ordinary people can only do so much to defend themselves from extraordinary threats. he can't stomach the fact that you might not be able to save yourself from a devastating threat that doesn't even want your life, but instead, his. he can't stand to think that you would really be serious about telling him that you'd really die for him.

and tonight... you held yourself to that.

you tried saving him, tried to save him–spider man, who saves others before himself–at the expense of your own life.

it happened in an instant, when he was wounded, vulnerable, and weak. he was going to throttle the villain, but now, it felt like merely throttling the villain who practically pummeled you to the ground would be way too lenient. it was like his heartbeat halted, his whole world stopped, time stopped when he watched you get body slammed by the villain; the villain was doing their job, being evil, hurting whoever they wanted to hurt, to hell if who they hurt is spider man or his partner--and hobie felt like he couldn't even do the most basic job of all that was entrusted to him: keeping you safe.

you couldn't remember a thing after you jumped at the villain, all you could feel now was a complete, total, stinging numbness. it's ironic, isn't it, that when you's supposed to feel nothing, all you can feel is a distraction disguised as nothing; that's what the numbness felt like as you lay there on the hospital bed, incapacitated and immobile. you could still speak, but very weakly, you couldn't raise your arm, nor your hand, nor a single finger on either of your hands. you were still. completely still.

next to you by the bed was a beaten, battered and bruised hobie. he took that villain out, a little more violently than he usually would have, but none of that mattered to him right now except for you and how you were doing. hobie was tormenting himself by looking at you, seeing you stare up at the bright lights above you in a daze, unsure of what happened, why you're here, where you even are... he can barely walk over to you without staggering, not because of his injuries, but out of sheer relief that you're alive.

he was sobbing, and smiling--he was smiling because against all odds, you toughed it out, you lived. "hey, love..." he murmured as he fell to his knees next to you by the bed, clutching your hand that was hooked up to an IV. you weakly glanced over to your side and peered at hobie, who was muttering and kneeling next to you. "hobie..." you whispered his name as you felt his grasp on your hand tighten. he sniffled back his sobs and wiped away the tears in his eyes. he was beyond relieved you were okay, but he felt like this couldn't go on anymore; neither of you could keep seeing each other, it was for your own good. he endangered you, and all because he failed to keep you safe, his mind was a mess right now.

hobie wasn't in the best place when he watched you get thrown into the ground, hearing a loud thud as you hit the pavement below you. you were so soft, so fragile, so easy for his enemies to squash and kill. you couldn't be with him, not anymore, not when your life would always be at stake when he's around you. he clutched your hand and cleared his throat as he shakily got on his knees, his smile now gone from his face as he avoided looking at your face directly.

"i... i have something to tell you." he said as his grip on your hand was loosening, with little strength in your body, you tried to hold on to him, not to let him go--but he let go first. he looked at you in the eyes, and you could see a shadow looming over his eyes as he attempted to conceal all the pain, all the remorse and guilt he was experiencing for as long as he needed to tell you this: "we can't be together anymore. we're done." he murmured, but in that murmur, hobie carried a stinging pain in his heart that merely worsened and ached harder than any wound he's ever received at the hands of his opponents and enemies; or even those of his own allies once.

you stared at him with widened eyes, your eyes were blank but shone with a twinkle, a twinkle that came about when you saw hobie come into your hospital room. now, that twinkle had shone and waned, it died as quickly as it came, and you found yourself in the dark--in an oblivion where light could never enter, where everything that is ever in it gets trapped, confined, bound t never escape. you were lonely, all over again. you were pushed to the side, all over again. you felt an overwhelming grief and pity for yourself, all over again.

"but, h-hobie, i..." you trailed off as you tried to get up, the pain in your recovering wounds prohibiting you from speaking. hobie looked back at you in shame, he couldn't bear to touch you, couldn't even bear to look at you. he loved you, even if you were now scarred and bruised, but he hated how you got all those horrible, horrible marks on you. they reminded him--each and every strap of gauze, every scar, ever bruise, every cut on you; it all reminded him of why you two could never be together. he had to gulp down the rising wails he wanted to let go of in that moment to keep you from worrying any more. he shook his head as he turned away from you. "no. we can't be together anymore." he said with a crack in his voice as he hurriedly headed off to the window and pulled it up, feeling the breeze against his face as he climbed up on the windowsill and pulled his mask down.

"hobie--!" you exclaimed as you tried kicking off the sheets from you to get up and follow you, but instead--in your haste--you accidentally fell off the bed, with hobie's head almost snapping as he sensed you were going to fall--but he still couldn't bear to be near you... what right did he have to be near you again, hold you again, ask you if you were okay when he caused all of this to happen to you?

'they'll be okay... they'll be better off, they'll be better off without me.' he reminded himself internally as he heard you get up on your feet, wobbling and clinging onto the bed frames to support you, feeling his heart break with every sound he heard coming from you trying your hardest to reach him. you rolled your IV with you as you meekly approached hobie. "hobie, please don't do this." you pleaded him as tears started welling up in your eyes. hobie didn't respond, he just sat there, perched up on the windowsill as you sobbed behind him, waiting for him to say something, to do something. "please... this isn't your fault." "don't be ridiculous." he said as he finally made this conversation a two-way one as he turned to face you slightly.

"i'm the reason you jumped at that wanker, wasn't i? if not for me, you wouldn't have... have been confined to that blasted bed, have that fucking thing get hooked up to you, get stitches, wrapped up in gauze, almost die..."

hobie choked at his words when he said that last word, 'die'. his greatest fears, the realities he had put off facing for so damn long were finally realized that moment when you jumped in to protect him, to let yourself be killed in his stead. hobie inhaled, sniffling all the while as he took off his mask and placed his hand over his eyes, trying to concentrate on the right thing to do, parting ways with you. your legs quaked as you walked over to him, but you wanted to be close to him, even when he was trying his hardest right now to distance himself from you.

"love, i did that because i... i love you--" "and that's exactly the problem. you love me. you love me, and because you love me, you got hurt, didn't you?"

he asked you in a sharp tone, one you had never heard him speak to you with before. he removed his hand that was covering his eyes and soon looked up at you. his eyebrows were furrowed, but his eyes carried a different emotion in them. instead of fury and aggression, a frightened hopelessness was seen in those dark brown eyes of his. that fiery passion he had, that brilliant confidence of his had been extinguished; all that was left of him now was a darkness, a darkness that had to be satiated by finally distancing you, 'protecting' you.

hobie put his mask back on and turned back towards the city outside, the city that he would disappear in, hoping to never cross paths with you again--not after this, not after seeing how dedicated you were to him... he can't bear to break you even more, even if you were more than willing to shatter yourself for him. "so that's just it, huh?" you asked aloud as he leaned forward, about to bring his hand out to shoot a web and swing off, far away from you. but he stayed. he listened. he lived in that moment with you for a little bit, let you linger in his life for a few more moments before the inevitable happens. "you're just gonna... swing off, leave me here, forget we were ever together? is this... is this it? do you honestly think you can control what i do? i did that out of love for you, it didn't matter what would happen to me anymore, i promised you that i--" "i'm doing this to save you." he interrupted you as hobie stood his ground and refused to stay any longer.

this was it. this was the fall out. this was the beginning of the end, the entirety of the end between you two.

the tear streaks on your face were drying up, until new tears rolled down your cheeks as you stared at your now ex-boyfriend's back. where spider man ended and where hobie began, you could never find out--and you feared that you never knew the real hobie to begin with, the frightened hobart brown that you had never met before had finally crossed paths with you for the first and last time.

as hobie extended his arm out and shot a web at a signal tower nearby, you spoke weakly in a quieted voice. "you can't always be a hero, hobart. you can't... you can't always protect people like me, no matter how much you want to..." hobie exhaled deeply and slowly nodded at your statement. "i'm well aware." he said in a soft voice as he readied to hop off the windowsill and swing off into who knows where.

"...sometimes, you can't make it all better."

you uttered as you turned your back to him, not wishing to watch him leave you in this cold hospital room. and no matter how painful and searing this moment was for you, you couldn't hate him. even if you got hurt for his sake, got confined to the hospital for him even when he's cutting off all ties with you for what happened after... you can't hate him.

the minute you turned around, he was gone. the wind whistled as it blew a gust of wind into your already freezing hospital room. an orange leaf was left in hobie's stead, must've been carried by the wind and left here. you picked it up as you walked over to it and gazed at the intricate details of the leaf. "it's... nearly fall." you muttered to yourself as you stared off into the distance, trying not to wonder where he could've gone, and instead, think about how different it feels to see orange and yellow leafed trees down the block instead of green.

"change is scary... but i'll get through it." you uttered to yourself as you held the delicate, orange leaf in your hands; a few teardrops fell from your eyes involuntarily, with you being unable to wipe them in your daze. "i'll... i'll get through it... right?" you asked yourself in a croak as you smiled to yourself, with undertones of grief in that layered grin of yours.

tags !! @k4tsu3 @fiannee @luvstarrstruck @toneystank-3000 @ii01vq @maxoloqy @popeheywardssecretgf @arachnoia @solecitoszn @conitagray

#hobie brown #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x you #hobie brown x y/n #hobie brown angst #spider punk #atsv #atsv angst #atsv imagines #atsv x reader #atsv x you #atsv x y/n #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse x reader #spiderman across the spiderverse angst

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j0kers-light · 7 months

Note

Hello! Could I ask about scenario where The Joker has been very distant lately to Y/N always busy and almost never around her anymore which left reader very confused and upset. (((Now obviously he’s not cheating or anything like that he’s just too busy with his sick twisted plans on how to take over Gotham or something —but ohh well your insecurities get the best of you))). It’s been about good 3 months since she saw him he wasn’t replying to her texts and when you called him it always directed you to voicemails. It could be only two things he could’ve moved on from you or he is too damn busy to even pick up your calls…. So you decided to go on a date with some rando to push your feelings aside. Because at the same time, you couldn’t just sit around and wait for The Joker, that was just stupid. You aren’t even sure what’s going on?? It was exciting at first, in the heat of the moment because you were a bit attention-starved to be fair. But now as you’re getting ready you’re having second thoughts about it all and how risky it could be. Joker is a very very jealous and possessive man and he could be literally everywhere you knew he had his goons looming around you to make sure you’re safe. But you gulped those thoughts away and went out anyways. Well that was worst decision of your LIFE as long behold he found out …..now it’s up to you how you continue and interpret all this because I’m really bad at it (sooo sorry) he either ruins the date or is waiting for reader at her apartment….literally however you want it you can even change some stuff in the middle I really don’t mind 🙏🙏 I just need more jealous joker in my life (I have serious issues) it could be angst fluff smut🤭🤭🤭🤭or even everything as I said I really don’t mind. Thank youuuuu✨💕🪷

His Lighthouse: J Stands for Jealous (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

J Stands for Jealous - Oneshot

Did someone ask for some Jealous!Joker wayy back on Sept 5th? I come bearing gifts with an unexpected twist!! 🤧 please don’t hate me anon if you don't like it!

Get ready for some angst, fluff, and of course Jealous!Joker but not in the way you think... I won't lie this was a tricky request to fill but in the end, I went a different route with jealousy! I hope you enjoy! 🖤✨

taglist:

@blackreaderatrisk @twinkledinkle @clemdango04 @l3ejm @tears-of-amber @what-an-angel @darthjokerisyourfather @thatsnoteii @dollster @cheetahspy @kaidennnnn @urdariingdoll @motivation-idontknowher @ins0mniac-whack @spaghettificationandpretzels @reneisance @alittlesmartcookie @ninacutebee16 @carydorse

Let me know if you wish to be added to the official His Lighthouse taglist!

The number you have dialed has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet. Please try calling again later.

You groaned in frustration and tossed your phone on the bed. If your hair wasn't up in protective braids you would've ran your hands through your hair. When did it get like this? Calling, waiting up, and wishing for a smidgen of communication from Joker– only to receive absolute silence?

Joker being distant was putting things mildly. He had up and ghosted you.

One night you were kissing him goodbye and the next GCN reported that Joker had gone M.I.A. Funny how he was seen two days later shooting at Batman's tank of a car down Dini Hwy but sure.. Joker was 'missing.'

Joker was actively terrorizing Gotham City streets, he was only M.I.A from your life. A part of you wanted to create a missing person's report but that wouldn't end well.

The entire GCPD force would be breaking down your door by the time you uttered, "Yes, I haven't seen my boyfriend, The Joker, in months."

You weren't quite sure who put a label on this ill fated relationship but the minute it was established, everything started to fall apart.

You would lie awake at night thinking about the downfall to you and Joker's relationship. Maybe you should have been content with the uncertainty and kept things vague. Not knowing where you stood with the infamous clown— but still together, was better than a missing boyfriend and an empty bed.

You found yourself watching the news like a drug addict trying to catch a glimpse of your man to make sure he was alive and well.

Perhaps he was just busy with his sick twisted plans on how to take over Gotham or whatever he does when he's out messing with Batman. You couldn't bear the thought of Joker cheating on you.

If Joker was cheating on you with Batman, you'd kill your self with a spoon but J really wanted the vigilante dead so you breathed a bit easy on that front.

That didn't stop you from freaking out anytime Joker grabbed a female on live tv. You watched with an envious eye for any inkling of Joker being attracted to her. Killing the poor girl put your mind at ease but then you'd feel awful for your lack of remorse. For now Joker had eyes only for you. But how long would that last was the burning question.

It became a vicious cycle of waiting for Joker to come home, calling his cell, it going to voicemail, or him straight up ignoring your texts, to crawling into bed and trying not to cry about it. But you couldn't deny the inevitable.

Joker abandoned you and you weren't some heartbroken blonde in an early 2000's romcom.

You refused to cry and mope around the penthouse. You would not stoop to eating buckets of ice cream and gorging on assorted candies to overcome your heartache.

You happened to be a young, sexy, and intelligent woman of color with access to online dating apps! There were plenty of eligible men in Gotham who would kill to be with you.

You can and would move on. Screw Joker and his inability to provide basic necessities in a relationship. Being present was a requirement!

Your hurt feelings morphed into petty vengeance and you snatched your phone from where you tossed it earlier in a blind rage.

Your thumb hovered over Bruce's profile until you sighed and scrolled past it. No matter how much you wanted to rebound date anyone to get over Joker, Bruce didn't deserve your toxic energy.

So you kept scrolling until you found the DO NOT CALL EVER AGAIN and the GURL HAVE YOU NO STANDARDS contacts. You should have deleted these contacts ages ago but you simply forgot.

You almost hit the dial icon on one of them until you swore you heard the front door slam shut– but alas it was just your broken heart playing tricks on you.

Joker wasn't coming back and you had to accept that to move on. Your thumb hovered over one of your past tinder hookups.

"This is stupid! Just call the number, Y/n. If he answers, then flirt! He's a classic tool, he definitely won't care if this is only a one night stand. Get what you need from him and onto the next one!"

Your pep talk was good but you just couldn't commit. Even after Joker left you high and dry, it felt wrong to move on.

You threw your head back and groaned at the ceiling.

Why did you have to love Joker so much?! You still clung to the possibility of him returning and loving you unconditionally but that was a fool's dream.

"He's gone Y/n. Maybe a walk will help clear my head and do me some good." It seemed to be a tried and true coping mechanism whenever your head was in a tizzy. It's what got you in this relationship in the first place.

You went out to clear your head and met Joker that fateful night. If the chance rose to go back in time and avoid meeting Joker, you'd hesitate to do so.

He gave you so many fond memories. You couldn't erase that even if it saved yourself from heartbreak now.

You donned some good walking shoes that matched your current outfit and headed down to the ground floor.

It was a beautiful morning and you let your mind disconnect to breathe in some fresh air. This is what you needed. Some time spent outside and not cooped up in your depressing apartment thinking about your failed relationship.

You felt more like yourself already the longer you stayed out.

You were mindless during your wandering and you didn't notice your surroundings until strong hands grabbed and yanked you back onto the sidewalk.

You yelped at the unexpected rescue and tuned out the honking and the slew of curses a taxi driver shouted at you through his window.

What did your carelessness cause this time? You were using the designated crosswalk and you had the right of way, so what gives?

Your eyes followed the bulky arms still holding you, up to a handsome face animated in concern. It was then you noticed the guy who saved you was talking.

"—be more careful! These taxi drivers don't yield to pedestrians anymore. Hey.. are you listening to me?" He eyed you up and down, mostly in concern but admiring your beauty all the while.

You were doing the same. A ray of sunlight beamed down and highlighted your hero's honey brown eyes and you blinked in awe at his model-like features staring at you.

Finally someone was giving you attention and the man was drop dead gorgeous. Who could blame your brain for malfunctioning?

He smirked at your lack of response and flashed his pristine teeth your way. He was checking off all of your requirements for a potential partner so far or perhaps your standards were just at an all time low. A flaw of your separation anxiety no doubt.

Joker was the last thing on your mind when this man was in front of you giving you attention.

"Uh sure.. um.. T-Thank you." You said after a few beats of awkward silence.

"Don't thank me just yet. I gotta say, I'm thinking impure thoughts about you." He said.

You quirked an eyebrow at his brute honesty although his baritone voice made you forget in an instant. You were a sucker for a sexy voice and much to your delight, he kept talking.

"Sorry, has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are? Because d__n. You are."

Another checkmark on the 'yup he's datable list.'

What were the odds of someone as attractive as him showing you affection ever again? You were lonelier than ever before and quite frankly you were ready to risk it all for an ounce of attention.

You ducked your head to hide your smile and he wanted nothing more to tilt your chin up and see it in all its glory.

Your smile was so radiant, he was a goner at a mere glimpse.

"I'd love to know your name, your number.." He sucked his teeth and admired your beauty, "your favorite position in bed..."

He probably meant to say that last part more so to himself but you still heard it.

You had to pump the brakes on that one. "Easy there.. At least take me out to dinner before you slut me out." You laughed in jest but he leaned into your personal space, taking your words seriously.

"Oh bet? What're doing later?"

Wait, that pickup line actually worked? You were so out of practice.

You shielded the sun from your eyes and stared up at your newfound crush. He was waiting for a response with a flirtatious grin etched on his face. So you gave him an answer.

"You tell me. What do you have in mind?" You flashed him another smile that rivaled the sun.

He chuckled and subtly moved so he blocked the sun rays for you. A small gesture that you instantly noticed. He was tall but not overly so like Joker. You hated your brain for comparing this new guy to your estranged clown but you couldn't help it.

Would this be a new habit; comparing insanity to normal? You really missed Joker..

"Confident and sexy. I like that. How about..." The guy dug inside his pockets and procured a business card. He clicked a pen and jotted something down on it before handing it to you.

You were so caught up in his charm that you didn't acknowledge his attire.

He was dressed for the office with his dress shirt folded up to his forearms, showing off veins that made you swoon, and a hint of ink crawling up his bicep. The writer in you was having a seizure.

He was the perfect sexy corporate alpha male and he locked down the troupe by handing you his business card with a wink.

"Get home safely, call or text me– whichever you prefer sunshine, and we'll make plans for tonight. Sounds good?" He waited until you read the embossed cardstock in your hand.

Tristan J. Price. | Marketing | Court OwlHouse Books

You knew the publishing company personally. They presented you a nice offer before Cindy counter offered with a contract that you couldn't refuse. You pocketed his phone number and nodded.

"Yeah, it sounds great! I don't have a card but um.. my name's Y/n." You played with one of your braids and went for it. "I'll call you later, Tristan."

He tested your name on his lips. "A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. I look forward to it."

You gave him a small wave and began walking back the way you came. Something told you to look back and sure enough, Tristan was watching you leave, biting his lip. He had no shame at being caught. His smile just grew bigger as he sent another wink your way.

A whirlwind of butterflies were going crazy in your stomach. You finally had options besides Joker for a partner. Things were looking up for once after all these months spent alone.

You flushed in embarrassment and turned the corner– not once noticing your undercover security detail watching your every move and reporting in.

Above all, Tristan was a gentleman and a shameless flirt.

You didn't waste time and called him the second you got home. He was more than pleased with your eagerness.

"I'm glad you're home safe, sunshine. Now let's talk business. Any allergies I need to be aware of? I really want to go all out and take you somewhere nice. You are definitely worth maxing my credit card."

You laughed and tried not to let the nickname used get to you.

A subconscious part of you was still Joker's Light, his Bunny, and every other pet name in between. You had no business being someone's sunshine. It felt like you were betraying Joker.

Talking and flirting with someone else was an act of betrayal and you began to have second thoughts about all of this.

"Girl! Joker has clearly moved on! Get over him and let Tristan bend you over!" Your mini devil appeared on your coffee table and tried setting you straight.

She enlisted help from her arch nemesis and you were shocked when your figurative angel materialized next to her, nodding along.

"She has a point Y/n. It's been months. It's time to move on although.. I suggest taking this slow so no bending on the first date." She glared at your imaginary devil in disdain.

Tristan stole your attention when he asked if you had been to a certain restaurant. You totally forgot you were on the phone with him! You were quick to reply and shake your head clear of any imaginary angel and devils talking to you.

You and Tristan talked all afternoon and at one point you asked if you were keeping him from work.

"Technically I'm on a very important conference call Y/n.."

You could see his flirtatious smirk over the phone and your heart warmed knowing you were important enough to take up his entire day.

You didn't mind the long conversation since you've been alone for months and needed human interaction. You honestly didn't care that things were progressing way too quickly with Tristan. It beat moping around with a broken heart and wishing for Joker to return.

Tristan was a breath of fresh air and offered you a new start in your dating life. You were ready to jump all in even if it was risky.

You nodded and answered his question. "Yeah Σtella is perfect. Will you make the reservations for us or let me guess. You know a friend of a friend that can get us a table on short notice?"

He laughed to himself but mentioned he did have connections, 'None like that I'm afraid.'

You could tell the connections were nothing nefarious since Tristan didn't have a single criminal bone in his body. After being around Joker for so long you could single out people's evil intentions. It was one of the many habits you had to quit cold turkey.

It would take some time to purge Joker from your life but you had to. He abandoned you and you couldn't dwell on it anymore.

Tristan ended the call to make the dinner reservations. He offered to pick you up but you politely declined.

Something told you it was best to keep him far away from the apartment until you knew for certain that Joker wasn't coming back. You were still optimistic that your dark clown would return and things would go back to normal but until then, you had to fend for yourself and take care of your own needs.

A black dress was selected from your closet with a low back. It would go great with your braids and the heels you already picked out. You spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready and desperately trying to shake off your cold feet.

Halfway through your glam session, Tristan texted you with a time and a suggestive line about saving room for dessert.

It made you flush red and make a split decision to change your underwear into something more racy.

If tonight was just dinner that was okay but if Tristan turned out to be a man of action and not just all talk, then you wanted to be prepared. You could be a slut for one night. It's secretly what you wanted.

You twirled in the mirror and liked what you saw. A strong confident woman moving on and taking the initiative.

You liked Tristan and he made it very clear that he liked you too despite just meeting earlier in the day. He wanted to see where this could go and you readily agreed being attention and touch-starved due to Joker's absence.

You were ready to date again but you did stop and consider the possibilities of Joker finding out.

Joker was very possessive and he had eyes and ears all over Gotham City. It would be nothing for him to find out you were going on a date but his actions as of late showed that he didn't care anymore. Joker ignored your numerous phone calls and texts.

Each one went unanswered. It was safe to say you were single now so you would act accordingly.

But with all the guesswork floating in the air, you weren't going to think about Joker tonight. He was banned from your mind. Tonight you were going to have fun and enjoy yourself with another man and begin anew.

Tonight was about you and your needs. If Joker couldn't provide, you'd go out and find someone who could. You kept that thought in mind all the way to the restaurant.

"I still think that waiter was staring at you too much. I get it, you are stunning– d__n, this dress will be the death of me– but my brother. She's on a date with me. I'm the luckiest man alive!"

You tried your best to ignore his happiness and keep things cordial. The two of you had come to a stop at the main entrance to your apartment complex.

"This is me." You pointed to the locked door.

Tristan admired the tall white building with a nod but there was an awkward air floating between the two of you. You just wanted to go home, Tristan was expecting more from the date.

Unfortunately Tristan was terrible at reading your body language. Or maybe you were just a good actress.

"Y/n did I mention how beautiful you look tonight?" It was a lame excuse to stay in your presence a little bit longer. You awkwardly laughed and dodged his hand reaching up to hold your cheek.

By all accounts dinner was textbook perfect. Tristan was ever the gentleman all night but his eyes were anything but. He listened to you talk and sprinkled in his opinions all the while complimenting you as a person.

There was a connection between the two of you and he made sure the conversation kept flowing to allow that spark to grow. Yet his eyes devoured you as if you were the main course and gave away his true intentions.

You wished his lust could ignite a flame within you; it didn't.

The food was amazing and you lost the fight on who would foot the bill. Tristan simply winked and said you could pay next time.

He was so confident that there would be a next time, you found yourself almost agreeing on another date. Everything was just so natural with Tristan. Normal was... nice but you longed for the unpredictable insanity that Joker brought to the table.

You shook your head in frustration. No matter how much you tried to forget about Joker, he was always in the corner of your mind, bearing down with his larger than life presence.

Even in the restaurant you felt like he was watching your every move.

You knew Joker's stretch of power knew no bounds. Your stomach was in knots at the thought of being discovered. Joker's goons could be anywhere; Joker himself could be seated at any of these tables ready to ruin your date, kill everyone in the vicinity, and drag you back home.

The possibilities were endless and before you knew it, you were in the early stages of a panic attack until Tristan cupped your cheek and distracted you.

Tristan was right there with his suave demeanor and sultry smirks.

"You okay sunshine? I hope you're not having second thoughts about the chef's choice. If you don't like it, you can always order something else." He smiled in the low lit room.

Any girl would fall head over heels for a man like Tristan. He was attractive, successful, and he had an air about him that was alluring. He was the perfect man, that is, if you liked boring.

Joker spoiled you for other men. You could never go back to charming businessmen or witty accountants.

You didn't want someone you could bring home to Mom. You were hooked on grease paint, cigarettes, heartache, and dark clowns that blew up hospitals for fun.

It was either before the main course or after one of Tristan's stories about his latest project that you realized, this wasn't going to work.

You smiled through the date out of respect and waited until he walked you home to let him down softly.

Tristan was a great guy, just not for you. Even worse, the guy was oblivious to the fact that you weren't interested anymore.

He was unfazed by your change in demeanor and flicked a wayward braid back over your shoulder. "I'll tell you again, you are gorgeous. I'm kinda tempted to take this dress off and see what's underneath. I bet she's beautiful too."

He moved in to hug you while you stiffened up in his arms. His attempts at flirting were now trashy and rude in your mind.

You didn't want Tristan anymore. You wanted Joker's warm arms holding you close— although you felt awful for still craving Tristan's attention. It was all you had. Could beggars be choosers?

Your hands wrapped around your date against your better judgment. You'd regret this later for sure. Your eyes wandered around the area as you berated yourself for stringing Tristan along.

Hugging him back went against your plans of kicking him to the curb and going upstairs to sleep off this terrible date. Your big citygirl plans of moving on were all for naught and you wasted perfectly good lingerie for a lame rebound date.

The street lights were on and oddly enough, it was just you and Tristan on the street.

The area usually had foot traffic even at such a late hour but it didn't register in your brain as odd. It was only when Tristan's hands moved to cup your backside that you locked eyes with a figure across the way.

He had a hood on but you saw him shaking his head at you in disappointment.

He lifted his head and your eyes widened seeing the familiar clown mask Joker always left lying around the penthouse after heists. That's when dread settled in your stomach.

You forgot Joker had eyes and ears everywhere. How could you be so stupid? He never left. You yelped and pushed Tristan away.

"Woah! Is everything okay, sunshine?" Tristan held up his hands while you began to hyperventilate on the sidewalk.

You didn't imagine things. Joker was still in your life. He was the most jealous man you ever met and you did the unthinkable and gave him a reason to be angry. You weren't safe. Tristan's life was in danger.

"I-It's not safe. I-I-I have to go..." You rambled on.

Tristan arched an eyebrow as you stumbled over your words. He couldn't understand a word you were saying but he knew all too well what was going on here.

"I get it." He smiled and gained your attention with his calm attitude. "I got competition, I'm not surprised. I mean look at you! You are... something else." He frowned when you continued to look away.

He hoped he wasn't being too forward but he felt the spark between the two of you.

Tristan leaned down and kissed you on the lips. It was passionate and sweet, a tad bit addictive but you were too mortified to acknowledge that aspect.

"Have a good night, Y/n. I'll text you later." Tristan gave you one more glance and walked away, leaving you frozen in place.

Tristan had it all wrong. There was no competition however he just signed his death certificate kissing you just then.

You were worried about your psychopathic, jealous boyfriend killing Tristan and then you for cheating. Joker had explicit rules. No one touches what's his.

Not only did you go on a date with someone else, you let that same man kiss you. You knew exactly what was in store for you.

Your eyes darted back across the street where you last saw the goon. They were gone and that sent icy cold fear in your veins. It was only a matter of time that Joker found out about your little tryst.

You were counting the days to your death.

You couldn't sleep to save your life.

It had something to do with the fact that you tossed and turned, gave up and paced the room back and forth, sat up expecting a phone call, text, heck; even a visit from your jealous clown all night. But nothing came. Surely your security detail had already reported his findings to Joker.

If you opened a dictionary and searched for Jealousy, a picture of Joker would be present. It was only a matter of time before J flipped out. You kissed someone else. Joker would be livid.

The silent anticipation was the worst.

You chewed your nails to the quick expecting Joker to barge into your penthouse and go insane. Scared was an understatement. You were petrified of Joker's wrath.

For two days, you walked on eggshells expecting Joker's return. He didn't and as the days grew in number, you panicked all the more.

Tristan also ghosted your phone calls and texts and you mourned the potential romance you gave up all because you were spooked.

You didn't question what you saw that night. You knew Joker's gang mask by heart and Joker was overly protective for it to be some fluke. He made sure you had a security team to watch over you at all times, no matter the circumstances. He would find out soon enough what you done.

Waiting for Joker's arrival was driving you insane to the point that every little noise made you jump.

It was nearing a full week after your failed date when you gave up and lowered your guard. You cut your losses and decided to stop living in fear. A good nap could calm your nerves.

The remnants of the day were bleeding from the sky in warm pastels when you woke up. The room was quiet until the bathroom door opened and your eyes darted over in fear.

Joker was walking out the bathroom, already dressed in loose sweatpants and nothing else.

He was towel drying his hair but immediately locked eyes with your frightened ones once he stepped into the room.

Time stood still as your brain caught up with the moment. You weren't dreaming. Joker was actually here. You weren't ready to face him.

Granted this was not how you expected to reunite with Joker after three months of radio silence and especially not after your brief moment of infidelity.

"J-Joker... you're home." Was all you could gasp out.

He looked the same, albeit a bit fatigued. He was devoid of makeup, letting you see the pure exhaustion etched on his handsome features and the unmistakable hurt swirling in his vivid green eyes.

One look therein had you self aware. Of course Joker knew. Nothing got past him.

"Please, I-I-I can explain!! You were gone for months and I t-thought.. I thought you didn't want me anymore. That you moved on! I was such an idiot! I.. Joker that date meant nothing, regardless of what your henchman told you–"

Joker said your name with such a dejected tone it made the hairs on the back of your neck bristle. "Y/n, shut. Up."

Joker tossed his towel across the room and didn't care that it barely landed on the leather couch before falling to the floor.

He'd worry about that later. His Light was on the verge of hysterics and he was not in the mood.

Joker walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. He sighed when you flinched from his touch but he cupped your brown face in his hands nonetheless.

"Y/n. Calm down and look at me." You slowly opened your eyes to glance at J. He was patiently waiting, blinking owlishly at you with an unreadable look.

You couldn't get a good read on Joker and that made you fear him more. Joker noticed and decided to go about this as plainly as possible to not scare you further. The last thing he wanted was you to fear him.

"I know about your... date. 'M not mad at you doll, rather.... at myself for allowing it to happen.Ya see.. I never wanted to leave." He sighed.

You blinked in confusion but let Joker continue.

"I didn't abandon you, Y/n. Never. I'll never do that. I got caught up in a errr.. pickle.. that kept me from my Light. I stayed away to protect you." Joker's thumbs gently stroked your cheekbones as you looked at him in shock.

His rare genuine smile spoke volumes. "It was toooo risky to come back soooo I stayed away. I tried to message ya but it was sabotaged and.... The point is Y/n! It was not my in-tent-ions to leave you all alone. I will always come back to my Light. Believe that pretty girl."

You felt like the biggest fool in all of Gotham. Joker was out risking his life to make it back to you and you gave up on him.

How was he not angry? It didn't make any sense.

"You weren't there. You were gone for months and I felt so alone. I was hurt and..." You tried not to get emotional but Joker's gentle touch and the way he stared straight into your soul with those abnormal green eyes of his was getting to you.

Joker's soothing touch had you breaking down in record time.

"I couldn't help myself! T-Tristan didn't mean anythi–"

In seconds, Joker's tender hold on you turned aggressive. His hands slid down to your throat and squeezed tight before you could finish your sentence. Your startled gasp rang out in the room.

"Don't.. ever say another man's name in front of me! I'll kill him. I'll do it. You. Are. Mine. You got that?" Joker waited until you croaked out a yes before loosening his grip. It was then you saw just how jealous Joker really was. His calm, cool, and collected attitude was all an act.

Underneath his exhaustion was the Jealous psychopath you knew and loved.

He sighed and let go to fuss over you. He smoothed your braids in place and nodded to himself when you were presentable and breathing properly. You were frozen in shock. He didn't even hesitate hurting you.

Joker's fluctuating mood was befitting his personality but it still made you wary. You eyed him sideways and Joker whined knowing you were thinking bad bad thoughts about him.

"M'sorry bunny I just... Argh! You just needed some attention, I. Get. It.. I'm not angry. I'm. Not. Hey.. ya wanna know a little secret?" You slowly nodded and Joker smiled wide before leaning in, almost as if he were to whisper in your ear.

"It was torture for me too. All those nights spent a-parT? Mmm I was thinkin' about you." His fingers played with yours resting in your lap.

"Really?" You asked.

Your mind quickly forgot about his random spurt of anger a moment prior, in favor of his suggestive tone at present. Joker was here and he was finally giving you attention. What more could you ask for?

He knew you loved his hands (and he knew you were touched-starved) and made sure to keep contact with you as he spoke.

"I missed my Princess and I knoooooow–" He yawned mid sentence, "..you missed me. C'mere, my Light. I wanna hold ya."

You hid your smile witnessing Joker be so unguarded and so unlike himself. You could tell he didn't sleep at all these past few months. Dark circles weighed down his gorgeous eyes and he literally made grabby hands at you. It was refreshing to know you weren't the only one touch-starved here.

Joker was the world's lightest sleeper. He could only sleep a full eight hours if he had his Bunny to cuddle up with. You had just woken up yourself but Joker needed his rest and he needed you.

You fell into his arms and he quickly maneuvered the both of you so he lied on the bed with you nestled on his side. You tossed your leg over Joker's hips and he held it there, rubbing his hands along your plushy thighs.

His hands became restless and began re-tracing all of your curves, (as if he could ever forget them in such a short amount of time) and came to a stop at the crown of your head. He hummed contently and left a kiss in your hair.

"I'm sorry you felt alone, Bunny. The plan wasn't supposed to take that long 'n especially not months. I can't promise I'll be able to return quickly, but I will always come back to my Light. Just... just don't give up on me, mkay?"

You nodded and glanced up at Joker. His eyes were closed, yet you knew his focus was solely on you. To prove your point, he opened his eyes and stared directly at you.

His emerald green eyes were drowsy but you could tell his words were sincere. His unique speech pattern was nonexistent the longer the conversation went. You had a raw and honest Joker lying beneath you.

So you decided to be honest in return.

"I promise, J. I won't give up on you. I only want you."

"Gooooood." He closed his eyes again and repositioned his head better on the pillows. "Cuz no one touches what's mine. Expect your uh.. punishment later." He yawned.

"What?!!" You tried to get up but Joker's arms tightened around you, keeping you lying atop of him. You wiggled in his grip and he growled in warning.

"J, I thought you said you weren't mad at me!"

He didn't see you pouting, however his hand still came down hard on your thigh. The sharp sting made you yelp in shock.

"I'm. Not. But ya still need to L-earn a lesson. My Bunny can't be sneakin' off and.. playing with others while I'm away. Tsk. Tsk. I'll uh f__k ya when I wake up. OH! You should rest too. Heh, you'll need your energy."

His warning hardly held any weight with the boyish grin plastered on his face. Without his clown makeup, Joker was a sight to behold.

You would prepare yourself for his tough love later. Right now you wanted to bask in Joker's presence. Three months was too long without him.

You snuggled up closer to your clown and began running your fingers through his hair. He loved when you did that. He was already snoring by the time you leaned up to kiss one of his scars.

"I'm just glad you're back." You whispered.

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sir-yeehaw-paws · 5 months

Note

If you don't mind I'm going to be horribly demanding and request more delicious thoughts on Kaz and his female coded story. Sorry but I'm eating this all up!!

No sweat Anon! I will say it's a thought I kinda had offhandedly once and left alone for a long time, so I'm having to think way back a bit as I consider it.

As an obvious quick note too, it's sort of a random interpretation I had. It doesn't have any real bearing on canon anymore than my other random thoughts do. It was kind of like, at some point, I noticed that Kaz had a storyline and writing style I've gotten used to seeing but with women.

The jilted ex hellbent on revenge. Someone who is more well known in story for his emotional issues vs how physically imposing or strong he is or isn't. I don't know about everyone else, but when I first think of Kaz, the most memorable thing that comes to mind is his emotions. Being unable to manage ones anger is very 'masculine' a trait, but being beholden to those emotions is a 'feminine' quality.

I'll say too, revenge as a motivator is a common story theme. And its very present in films and the like. This is certainly not a 'female only' thing, and there's SO much nuance that has to be applied. And to be perfectly blunt, I can't fully articulate 100% why I especially have this feeling with him, but at some point in one of my nightly Kaz spirals, I had the thought of "Kaz is written the way I'm used to women being written", and, after mentioning it, I sat on it, never gave it really much expansion, and haven't given myself the chance to really put into words why I feel this way.

It's sort of like..

Kaz gets dismissed a lot. Kaz isn't taken seriously a lot because he lets his emotions get the better of him. (Which is largely his fault, if he could calm down for five seconds and take a breather, he'd be able to put his very honest, very intelligent thoughts into words). But he doesn't give himself that chance. He screams, shouts and acts impulsive instead.

Meaning he gets written off as being 'too hysterical' to take seriously. Which is something we see a lot in female characters. Who often get pushed aside in narratives despite being smart, or having a point, because "She's too hysterical right now don't listen to her."

Kaz is known for being jealous. Manipulative and 100% ruled by emotions and impulses. He makes extreme decisions at the drop of a hat, but places fall apart without him managing the books and the records. He tries to overcompensate, and get taken seriously, but it leaves him getting underestimated and written off. Because for every serious thing he says, for every legitimate point he makes, its either screamed or shouted.

Or, full of biting sarcasm and snide remarks. He's a 'playboy' in Peace Walker. The man with a full hair care routine in a jungle. He's been 'caught' and brought in by a man more powerful and more respected than himself, and while he tries again and again to be on equal footing with him-and fully believes he ought to be, it falls short.

(This isn't excusing Kaz either, his entrance into the MSF is a rabbit hole I've gone down before, because it's very hard to put into black and white territory and victim/abuser territory. It requires deeper thought and more critical thinking).

Anyway.

I think another way to look at it, is that if I imagine Kaz as a woman, his story..really does not change that much to me? It's got all the elements of the supporting/leading lady role. And as a retroactive character (as in, a character that was originally very much a one note they build backwards by making him more meaningful in the prequels) he gained importance in the narrative, but backwards.

(I'm aware this doesn't make much sense, it's so hard for me to articulate this one properly sorry).

To be a tad crueler about it, think of the stereotype 'nagging wife'. Its not hard to imagine Kaz like that. At all. In my head. At the end of the day, it's something I'd probably have to think about more, but it kinda sits in the back of my mind occasionally.

#character posts: kazuhira miller #and hell this might not even have ANY basis in canon I could've just been tripping but its like #i know what i personally am seeing but I don't know fully why that is #this is one of the hardest thoughts ive tried to put into words but i am doing my best #mgs #thoughts posts #nate rambles #kazuhira miller #asks #answered asks

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gunkbaby · 2 months

Note

Do you have any tips for writing Shuu?

This is the best ask I’ve ever had thank you anon!!! I am honoured to have been asked this, sorry it took me so long to answer, I was getting my thoughts in order! I have a few general tips!! Idk how useful they’ll be tho! :P (this is very long but i have tried to make myself as concise as possible…sorry anon…bear in mind this is all my opinion!)

Shuu, is dreadfully mischaracterised. So it’s tricky, especially because it depends on what exactly ur writing. If ur using headcanons that drastically change him anyway, then the rules are looser ofc, but if as close to canon is the aim, then I would take all fanon Shuu with a grain of salt. Not a slight to anyone at all, but I find different people interpret the character really differently, and I don’t agree with most of it (especially anything pre-2018), so I don’t interact with fanon, especially when writing. Idk what’s currently fanon tho, maybe it’s real af!

A very general tip but it cannot be understated with Shuu - always refer to canon. I have a notebook where I make notes of things I have noticed in his canon appearances, notes from the wiki, the light novels, films, everything. I always cross-reference when planning, and adjust my plot accordingly, during the writing stage, so I can alter my writing process, and upon editing/re-drafts, which I find is where Shuu really becomes himself. I would say write him as best as you can in a first draft, and allow yourself time to redraft and fine tune him afterwards. :)

Another tip for general character writing is to write diary entries from that character’s POV - regardless of whether that is the ultimate protagonist or not - this helps get inside their head. Shuu’s blog entries are helpful starting points.

So, some things to avoid (note: i haven’t read fic in years, so this isn’t in reference to any writer/fic in particular, just things I did notice/have noticed that i dislike when I see him characterised.)

I used to see a lot of flanderisation with Shuu. People really overestimate the amount of French he uses, so I guess a tip there is to limit that - or half the amount you think is enough. You can always add it in later if it is too little. He obviously does use it, but it’s not to the point I’ve seen. Also remember that Shuu doesn’t just speak French - he speaks Italian and English too! (Ik he speaks German, but this only comes up once. Unless ur writing a fic with Kanae I would say it’s less important). A good starting point for adding French/Italian/English to his dialogue/inner monologue would be to look at a list of common francophones, Latin phrases, or older English turn of phrase (not modern Bri’ish, shuu is not a roadman). If I find a list I will add some links 4 u. :)

With regard to general speech/train of thought, try use a wide vocabulary of colourful adjectives - words that are maybe rare or perhaps too fancy for normal conversation. I read a lot, so if I find a new fancy word I write it down. Normally this ends up going to Shuu’s passages in my work :) (I think a great example of this was when I read A Certain Hunger - the protagonist was a food critic, so she was very helpful with colourful language in relation to food!) I also think imagining his anime VAs saying any dialogue really helps me check dialogue too! Food is worth mentioning too, obviously, I think a Shuu-specific tip is to use terms that could be food-related in otherwise unrelated actions - one can devour a book, salivate in anticipation, or go out for a delicious walk! That kind of thing. Don’t be afraid to make it a little silly. Shuu is very fun to write, so have fun! The key is just to toe the line between silly and fun, to caricature. I think if you intend to write him properly, then you inherently sort of avoid that tho.

A thing that seems random but that I used to see constantly in fanon Shuu was him swearing a lot. Off the top of my head, Shuu properly swears once in Tokyo Ghoul - depends on the translation. He also says damn/damned a few times. That’s about as much as I ever write him saying. Again, I would use more colourful language to express his anger or strong emotions. Thinking to him slagging off Rize - that sort of posh-boy anger. You could probably use swearing very sparingly to pack a comedic punch. He doesn’t swear flippantly, that’s very important imo.

Shuu’s motivations are really important. I’ve seen him written as this sort of caricature so many times. People often refer to Shuu as this sort of narcissistic creep - but I think that’s a mischaracterisation. I think he’s vain, but I think that his vanity and pride is covering up some repressed guilt about what he has to eat - his earliest documented interaction with food is that of guilt. Shuu sees himself not as some kind of monster - but as very strong predator. I think he’s more matter-of-fact than people initially realise. He views the world as dog-eat-dog. He’s hunting Kaneki because he is predator - not in the sense of a creep, but as a lion. His justification for his existence is merciless in that fact - man is not typically sympathetic to the hens in batteries, served pre-plucked en mass in a Tescos, but Shuu, who hunts his prey properly, as a true animal should, is supposed to believe he is lesser than them. I think that makes him much more understanding. I think that’s why other ghouls also fail to understand him, because though he pretends to be better, more civilised, he has a very savage mindset. (Sorry. Long Character analysis there, remember what I said about taking fanon with salt earlier?). :p)

TLDR: I think people think Shuu leans far more into a ‘villain’ role than he actually does. An animal is an animal. I wrote a whole load of paragraphs about his character on Instagram a while ago. I will try and rewrite them and post them here if they would be helpful. (Again, all just my opinion)

In regards to Shuu’s obsession with Kaneki - if this is what you’re writing - this isn’t something I’ve ever written (sorry!) but I have written a similar relationship with him and an oc, and I also have BPD (shocking!), so I can relate to this kind of thing…Kind of. I’ve never wanted to eat anyone! I find expressing this kind of obsession very difficult to verbalise - it’s like, full of over-idealisation. You get so swept up in the idea of someone, you forget they’re a flawed human being who you actually might not know as much as you’d like. And when that idealisation inevitably implodes, it’s very devastating. Shuu’s depression and anorexia after ‘losing’ Kaneki, is something I heavily relate to. It might be worth examining what other people with similar conditions have said about this kind of obsession in particular (in bpd we refer to it as having ‘favourite people’) - im not saying Shuu has BPD, I’m simply saying that looking into real life examples for similar kinds of things, in ways that are expressed by people much wiser than me. :) I think it’s important to have empathy for people like this when writing them, because we do exist out here! Having empathy for Shuu when writing is very important, imo.

I think with his relationships, it’s key to remember that Shuu does not understand what he is feeling. He does not understand that he actually genuinely likes Kaneki and enjoys his company, or Hinami’s company, or Hori. This is despite him going out of his way to comfort them, lend them books, buy them gifts, and (importantly) flowers - which Shuu says he links directly with feelings of happiness. People have said this is creepy, but I think this is wrong. Shuu does not understand how relationships work, but he understands that material objects can make people happy. I think people viewing Shuu’s exchange of gifts as something impure are kind of missing the point - understandable if you’ve only read TG and not :re, tbf.

This is just my opinion, so listen liberally, but considering Shuu refers to his actual friends as pets - I think it’s a somewhat reasonable assumption to make that Shuu’s only relationships outside of his home have been with animals or plants. I write Shuu’s relationships as if he were interacting with animals. With :re based stories this is a little different, but you can generally use the same rule. Referring to my earlier point about Shuu viewing himself as an animal - he probably doesn’t think this perspective is as offensive as it might be.

****

I think this is everything off the top of my head. In general, it all comes back to referring to canon, that’s your main thing. Thinking about, and analysing the character in your own way, and coming to your own conclusions. You can utilise other people’s ideas- as long as it’s not offensive, I don’t think it’s so bad, but I try not to. Also, having empathy for the character and taking the time to get to know him. Sometimes I just listen to what Shuu is telling me - if a story arc is too difficult to write, maybe it just isn’t his! Sorry for rambling so much - was this even helpful at all? I feel like I have simply waffled!

Just a few notes: I have written/am writing Shuu at stages Tokyo Ghoul does not document (when he is19/20, and after the end of :Re at age 30+). So most of my work is my estimation of where he might be.

Bear in mind I also haven’t posted anything in a loooong time so none of this has been subject to any criticism aside from my own! I can post some extracts of my current work if it would be helpful. I can also post some pages from my Shuu notebook if you need inspiration, or my instagram analyses, or whatever might help! Feel free to send more asks if needed too! As you can see I like to talk!!!

i hope this was semi-helpful!!!! thank you anon!!! This was such a lovely ask, thank you, merci beaucoup!!! Bisous!!! <3

#Tysm for this wonderful ask anon!#I have spent so long thinking about it!#I hope this is at least…coherent? Helpful?#Sorry.#but thank youuuu!#Feel free to add onto this if anyone has useful tips in the reblogs!!!#I feel like i am so useless for someone who calls themselves a shuu fic writer :p #Bisous!#Asks #shuucore #shuu tsukiyama #gunk #tg gunk #tokyo ghoul

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sharonisthebettercarter · 9 months

Text

we need to have an honest conversation about hostile attribution bias, honesty, and bullying.

@deliciouskeys i've had enough of this shit. you wanted to piss me off. now i'm pissed the fuck off.

hey, hiiii. friends of hers? critics? whoever you are reading this and willing to hear me out, i just wanna start by saying don't hate on her or anyone for this. don't send harassment, don't send anon hate, don't even unfollow her if you do read this all the way and find yourself upset with the topics discussed or her actions.

or maybe you wouldn't anyway, and you've already decided i'm insane, fine. but if you are friends of hers, don't barrage her with verbal abuse of any kind even if you are disappointed or disgusted, i'm not about that. and good friends won't just coddle and take your side to enable the bullshit, but they won't try to hurt you when you're down either

and to clarify what this is? it is a harsh criticism of ongoing behavior i have faced from her behind the scenes. or out in the open i suppose but mostly unseen or dismissed.

yes, i have the motherfucking receipts. i've tried to condense them to what i found most relevant to the topics at hand without clipping the interactions so much that they would give a biased misrepresentation, but all conversations as of this moment and to the best of my knowledge are still available to view in full context. mine certainly won't be deleted.

i may have some bad takes sometimes cause i'm as perfect as anyone, which is to say NOT AT ALL. but i'll readily admit that and the fact that i work on it, CONSTANTLY. and before anyone decides to dig through my shit to see if they can find dirt on me IRRELEVANT to this situation to DISTRACT from what's being called out?

all i ask is a fair chance and moment of your time to show you what i've been through, because it's something she never gave me from day one. and bear in mind please, that i am pissed off because it's gone on long enough and now she's trying to drag my friends into it while CONTINUING TO LIE BEHIND MY BACK and feign fucking ignorance.

no more.

deliciouskeys? you. yes you, i am addressing you directly this time. i gave you a peace offering with the mike sully meme, and you just kept going.

since i poked my head into the boys fandom, you have been hostile to me, LIED about me, put words in my mouth, accused me of hostility towards you, assumed my intent while not only withholding the benefit of a doubt, but consistently. consistently putting me down and insulting me as some sort of estranged fandom villain who only exists or popped up to oppose you or ruin everything.

i'm not a fucking cartoon character, i am a person. i do not exist to supplant you or whatever weird shit you keep imagining me to be that makes you act like this.

almost every single thing i say to you, instead of actually LISTENING or i dunno, READING IT AT FACE VALUE, you take. hyperanalyze. and immediately give it the WORST interpretation you can. and that's if i'm lucky.

i'm not here for fandom wars and shipping bullshit. i'm not here for your false dichotomy fantasy. i'm here to be a bullshit shipper and have fun and try to get others to be more open and have fun too. maybe throw in a psa here and there for the things i find important.

i'm not here to get fucking bullied either or to watch others get bullied. you can take your assumed hostility and narcissistic PROJECTION and shove it straight up your ass if you think i'm going to tolerate it.

and what is 'hostile attribution bias'? it's this shit.

oh, and you don't have to assume it anymore. i'm fucking hostile. why am i hostile? oh... at this point, i KNOW you KNOW. but not everyone else does, so let's just lay it all out and let others draw their own conclusions. hm?

this was what set you off, right? the automatic assumption that this was someone i knew, looking out for me? i suppose that's possible but that doesn't mean i know exactly who it was or that i put them up to it.

and y'know, i might have even said that anon was a bit harsh and still given you the benefit of a doubt. anon was ANGRY and that's clear, but plausible deniability is so wonderful, isn't it?

but you've gone beyond that point. it wouldn't be the first time someone's noticed your behavior, and i can guarantee that. our first conversation was on my post about the comics and what they meant to me, sparked from an interaction i had with another fan of the show who refused to read the comics but still insulted them directly to me.

the bottom piece is from the post, the top would be the snippet of conversation with the other person prior. all of these are highlighted with slightly adjusted coloring for ease of understanding who's who. and granted, you could argue that i jumped the gun in my first response to you, but then you accused me of being hostile towards people who allegedly read and disliked them. and i had done no such thing, i literally was not addressing those people at all.

that was the first time you put words in my mouth, lied about what i said, and 'villainized' me for 'attacking people' made of straw i might add, when the post itself SPECIFICALLY STATED:

MISCONCEPTION.

so not the people, but the IDEA. an actually legitimately incorrect idea given context. i could go into a rant about how the comics cover one of the single most important and detrimental concepts to humanity (the war machine) and how american media is so piss watered down, propagandized and censored for babies and pearl clutching old people (and before you clutch your pearls over me 'attacking' babies and the elderly, i am not. i am criticizing AMERICAN MEDIA and PURITAN MENTALITY) that the comic itself was relatively tame outside of the american world view bubble, but that's not the point here, is it.

the 'many many' actually refers to people off of tumblr too, though i'm sure there's a fair share here of that mindset as it's found everywhere with everything. even then, i don't condemn the people. minds can be changed for ideas, that was what i was trying to do. maybe i need better methods and i can admit that.

still you chose to lie to my face or what, attempt to gaslight me?? whatever it was, it was enough for someone ELSE to step in and literally ask if you were BULLYING me.

and me, being the naive fucking moron that i am and thinking we ended on a nice punny note and the conversation wasn't so bad STILL gave YOU the benefit of a doubt.

did you extend the same courtesy to me later on? well, let's see.

no. no you did not. snippets of a convo from an anon ask you got on a proposed canon butchlander from when i tried to join in, you immediately accused me of things i have never said or done or even implied. and when i called you out on it, you immediately apologized (good on you, not included here but i DO acknowledge it and DID appreciate it) and i thought, "oh cool! we must be explaining ourselves to try and better understand each other so this doesn't happen again."

only for you to then backtrack and jump back on that ASSUMED HOSTILITY shit you seem to just LOVE huffing. but just for me i gather. maybe a couple others that i haven't seen or don't know about.

considering this is just the stuff i DO know about.

moving on.

you have questions? oh, what a cowinkydink, i have answers. if only you had just ASKED ME DIRECTLY INSTEAD OF PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH AND LYING.

but to give some clarification to the numbered ones.

love the framing here. OF COURSE, WE are ONLY here to be a NUISANCE. must be nice being a real human who can interact with others instead of solely "bother" them. if you'd actually read the post, you might have seen it was about the BULLYING itself, not the bullshit that apparently makes you rabid enough to be a bully. great use of being obtuse.

stop putting words in my mouth. stop fucking lying about me. stop assuming my intentions. stop painting me for your weird ass personal agenda or vendetta. stop making up bullshit about me when you haven't taken two seconds to get to know me. i did no such thing as 'slur the cishets'. proof is in the fucking pudding.

ahhh... i understand why you don't block people. and i think i'm understanding the insidious behavior and bullying too. you're disgusting to people who you don't want to see the content of so that they'll block you while you get to pretend you're still on your little high horse of being the "less petty" or "bigger" person. and that way you don't have to see their content anymore, right? having your cake, and eating it too. it's smart. it looks good on you as long as people don't see the behavior, like you might actually want to solve problems.

although, if i'm to understand all this correctly, you don't want to given the continued hostility towards me regardless of what i do or say. am i getting this, more of that delectable plausible deniability? or am i giving you too much credit? do you even want the benefit of a doubt at this point? because you stated before you'd rather be considered evil than stupid.

oh, my mistake, "disgusting" than "ignorant". let me not do what you do and put words in your mouth. clarify for me, if you want to.

personally, i think ignorance is more forgivable than malice because at least the uninformed can learn better, while those with ill intent will seek to harm again, but to each their own i guess.

and if you actually have brain damage over a nonsensical but ultimately harmless shit joke online, i'd suggest seeking actual help from a doctor because that isn't normal. but i'm going to be generous and say maybe it was a bit much or gave you a recurring nightmare or something, i don't know you, in which case yeah, get help if you need it. i take mental health very seriously so i'm not joking or being sarcastic here. happy healing and sorry for the trouble if that's the case on this specific thing.

but oh! you just don't want to see it, right? TOO BAD BITCH, I GOT MORE TO GIVE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!

and i don't have a problem with you writing your personal views about a pairing, any pairing. if that were all you had done, we probably wouldn't be having this conversation or, if you don't care i suppose i wouldn't be screaming into the void.

but you explicitly stated your point of view was "pretty common", that defaults my view as "uncommon" or in other words, "others" me and those who like bottom billy. don't you dare deny that when you know for a fact it's true.

then citing reasons for why you believed your view was more "accurate". you then went on to claim you were "baffled" when if that were true and you were actually interested in TRYING to UNDERSTAND? YOU WOULD HAVE JUST FUCKING ASKED ME DIRECTLY.

not that i would owe you an explanation or apology, or anything. but i'd have been NICE enough to try and answer anyway to the best of my ability. here, i'll do it now.

i'm not a big fan of bottom homie for the same reasons i'm not at all a fan of (show) homewell. apart from the whole superdick/compressing anus thing, narcissistic abuse/grooming and exploiting someone's trauma for a toxic kink is not only a huge turn off for me, it's super fucking triggering based on my experiences and what i have been through. i've had enough people looking down on me and telling me they "know what's best for me" while trying to rob me of my humanity and use me for their gain.

the funny thing is that i relate to homie in that sense but consider myself a total bottom who also LOVES the 'dom mommy' in certain context, but i also share a lot of similarities with butcher as well and know they both have a lot of very intense differences from me. and homie has a fucking vibrator for a dick. you CANNOT make me want to miss a chance for that, it's just not going to happen. and if i ever want to explore any form of 'grooming' kink from a personal place? i'll stick to thanos and mistress death, thanks.

i also don't find toxic masculinity sexy, that's a red fucking flag for me more glaring than the entirety of homelander, i find POSITIVE masculinity far sexier and true 'top' like. MM has the most of that in my opinion and is the sexiest man on the show, besides the guy who plays black noir under the mask.

i also fully understand the kink on the other end, y'all wanna baby him cause he's never had a mommy and longs for some kind of nurturing parental love, and y'all also wanna fuck him cause he's hot. so ya smash the two together and embrace the infantilization kink (which is seriously not my thing)

and listen, more power to ya. if that's what you like, enjoy it. i'm not judging. i just don't have the same fucking taste and i'm entitled to that. i don't understand why you have to comment on it or be "baffled" by the idea that people can be different from you.

for the record, i don't want to smash the two ideas together, i want to help homie SEPARATE and DEMUDDLE the legitimate problems and confusion in his brain that makes him so vulnurable to women's manipulations, and help him grow the fuck up without wanting to fuck his own mother (if he hasn't already) or keep him baby minded forever. i want to untap his potential and see the man he can/would become depending on circumstance.

because i like redemption and character growth and am a sucker for second chances regardless of liking dark media, and there's a huge difference between "i like you" and " i like that you like me".

that requires a more careful handling than anything suface level, but regardless i don't enjoy exploiting trauma kinks or reinforcing toxic masculinity any more than i would enjoy yiff or snuff. i wouldn't judge someone for having the taste as long as no one real got hurt. but that doesn't mean i have to have their taste.

stop kink shaming me or being "confused" by my preference, i haven't done the same to you. and before you pretend you haven't or that i have.

if you were "seriously trying to understand" you would again, ASK ME DIRECTLY instead of this roundabout bullshit where you talk about it and 'how confused or tired' you are, but can't be bothered to take two fucking seconds to JUST ASK for a more serious answer beyond willem dafoe.

if i wanted to shame you for having a kink, i wouldn't be subtle about it. but i wouldn't anyway because i wouldn't even shame those who have a rape fantasy because i have one and have written and read plenty of it. i file it under 'horror pr0n' with a number of other things, and not every form or 'flavor' of horror pr0n that exists is going to be for everyone, much the same as fucking regular horror. but if it's FICTION, it shouldn't matter.

i understand that and if i judged others for having different tastes or acted... well like YOU, that would make me a hypocrite.

and your friend got it PERFECTLY on the first note. and then decided to enable the bullshit yet again by subscribing to the bane of human unity, tribalism. thanks for reinforcing the idea that this HAS to be a dichotomy WHEN IT'S NOT.

a little healthy teasing and competition? i'm game. it's too bad that's not what this was.

i am not your fucking enemy just because YOU decided i was, YOU do not get to decide that for me. but i'll give them the benefit of a doubt and say they were 'just joking', right?

that's ALL it ever is. "just jokes". but JUST when you or "your side" do it. it's not like you've ever been derogatory and petty about "your side" being the "good side" of fandom.

if you have to constantly reinforce and self assure how "good" you are compared to "others" specifically not part of your niche bubble?

you're an asshole who's not actually "good", full stop. if you have to measure your self worth based on what others do or comparing yourself to them, actually seek help because that's not healthy. just my two cents

but if you want to get technical, NO ONE IS RIGHT AND NEITHER BILLY NOR HOMELANDER IS TOP OR BOTTOM IN A TRADITIONAL SENSE, not just because opinions and preferences can't be right or wrong. because butchlander isn't fucking canon, isn't going to become canon, and as far as we know, both characters are confirmed 100% STRAIGHT within the show with toxic masculinity issues a mile long and would never wanna touch each other like that with a 10 foot pole, and homelander's shown exactly ZERO interest in actually being pegged thus far, so that idea's a headcanon.

even herogasm showed us that 3 on fucking 1 STILL wasn't enough to take him down and homie freaking out over a bruise from an unfair challenge of 3 on 1 because it had logically been a very long time since he'd been hurt makes reasonable sense on a basic surface level. he's then over it by the time maeve makes him bleed and carries on bleeding, and now butcher's dying and is the most vulnurable and literally weak because he's sick of the bunch, so... headcanons? headcanons are fine but let's not forget reality and then laugh at the people who remember it.

and if you had just asked me why i even brought up lovely amazing beautiful cishet women (not at all sarcastic, see above purple posts), instead of YET AGAIN. ASSUMING MY INTENT AND PUTTING A LOAD OF CRAP IN MY MOUTH. you can have that back by the way, what the actual fuck is wrong with you??

or for clarification on why i brought it up? i could have TOLD YOU MYSELF. because unlike SOME PEOPLE, when someone just ASKS a question or gives a neutral or even heated response? I DON'T ASSUME HOSTILITY OR TAKE IT PERSONALLY FROM THEM LIKE IT'S A FUCKING SPORT.

fact (and correct me if i'm wrong): majority of people participating in shipping fandom are cishet women.

this is a simple fact, it doesn't mean anything beyond that, i specifically said both times there's nothing wrong with this.

a majority of people are cishet, so this is to be expected. it still doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the people.

fact: society has issues, ideas, and expectations that affect and harm us all. cishet, or queer. and these issues will and do present themselves in fandom and fan fictions whether we realize that or not. heteronormativity would be one of those. misogyny is another.

and one of my kinks is challenging that, or at least the way i see to challenge that while dunking on redpill idealogy and toxic masculinity because i fucking can.

and i just LOVE how you tout about having the "pReTtY cOmMoN" perception which newsflash, YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO HETERONORMATIVE IDEAOLOGY IF YOU THINK TOXIC MASCULINITY IS A REASON A MAN WOULD NEVER BOTTOM. you'd be surprised what people could get up to behind closed doors. but then you turn around and not only put more words in my mouth, enable anon to put words in my mouth, discourage getting a direct answer from me, accuse me and my friends of being the type to randomly accuse someone else of doxxing??? wtf even is that.

and of course. given your 'pretty common' perception being the total opposite of heteronormativity, it MUST mean that society has resolved all of its issues and come to accept queer people exactly as they are in all forms with no expectations or interference whatsoever, oh yeah. places like florida or uganda just totally don't exist. the u.s. isn't on the verge of becoming an actual fascist hellhole for us, and it is TOTALLY just... no one oppresses us. no one.

ESPECIALLY not the cishets.

and despite all the evidence to the contrary, you especially have done nothing wrong here and its all in my head. is that right? can you clarify for me? do you think that my situations have put zero pressure on me in my day to day life? on my friends' lives? do you think you didn't add to that? do you think you and company are the only ones that feel or react like humans?

imagine being so far up your own ass you tell the queer HOW to queer. or at least be a GOOD queer, right?

oh, i'm sorry let me not put words in your mouth. you were of course only laughing at me behind my back for the 'anti-cishet' things i never said.

and no. OBVIOUSLY i wasn't saying any of the shit you accused. i was saying i prefer SUBVERSIVE themes when i do my tops and bottoms and a more detailed look at that can be found in my purple all over responses or just the posts themselves, but if you still want to ask me anyway, i'll answer to the best of my ability.

and what a coincidence that despite you understanding top/bottom not just being related to penetration and some people will feel certain dynamics may be reductive, how ironic that you couldn't possibly fathom that as one of my main complaints.

you don't WANT to actually understand. you just wanted a circle jerk of confirmation bias.

this anon hit the nail on the fucking head. and you wanted to fight them?? i could have overlooked this but i wanted to touch on something really important because i don't know what anon may have seen but i once saw you answer an ask about homelander's redeemability and you cited "tough love" as a means to get there.

and as a former addict and narcissistic abuse survivor (specifying for context), i can tell you first hand "tough love" is not a real thing, and it's not discipline either because that requires teaching and providing tools for rehabilitation. but don't just take my word for it.

from a psychological perspective and to hear actual professionals go over the concept? "tough love" not only DOESN'T work. it is an excuse to be nasty and abusive to someone under the guise that you are only doing it to help them, when all it really does is make you an abusive fuck.

this would be why the SHOW had HOMELANDER of all people saying it, why what billy did to ryan is presented the way it was with HUGHIE of all people, the guy who was at the time dealing with a huge wad of toxic masculinity issues up his ass, 'got it'. and even BUTCHER'S DAD is presented as the piece of shit that he is who gladly passed on his curse to butcher like it was a 'gift'.

even the comics got this when they present butcher doing his scumlord over 9000 move to hughie and annie saying "cruel to be kind" about his own bullshit. no. no no no. he did NOT do that for hughie's well being. he did it for himself because he was a selfish prick.

and i want to be clear. i am being an asshole here and i fully recognize that. that's for ME to feel better because i am fed up with your bullshit. because you have spent your time poking and prodding me for a hostile reaction. well congrats motherfucker. you got it.

and there ain't NO fucking love there.

i won't be your enemy. but i am NOT your friend either. clearly YOU wouldn't want that anyway.

but because i always have to add in that disclaimer for basic human decency? EVEN WITH HOW I FEEL and what the actual science says about "tough love", i would still never tell someone they can't use it in fiction, presented as a toxic kink or whatever the fuck else. even if it triggers me. even if i have a thousand different reasons to criticize it and voice that in a separate space.

people can do whatever the fuck they want and i can't control that. neither can you.

but i don't have to engage with the content or speak positively on it or keep my mouth shut, and i'm not gonna harrass people or pull the kind of insidious bullshit you do either.

at the end of the day, this is fiction. and if you feel the need to run an entire fucking smear campaign about me over fiction and preferences??

stop lying about me

stop putting words in my mouth

stop talking about me behind my back

stop predetermining who i am for me

stop assuming hostility when i will flat out tell you my intent and you can just ask, that doesn't just go for me.

stop fucking gatekeeping and gaslighting.

I DON'T HAVE A DISHONESTY PROBLEM LIKE SOME PEOPLE.

and fuck you.

neither me nor any of my friends or these anons are crazy and i will not sit around while you try to fucking gaslight me or anyone else. try it again, i fucking dare you.

bottom billy lovers existing is not an attack on you. it never was. you don't own the tags. FUCKING DEAL.

this behavior? is UNNACCEPTABLE.

as for fandom? a few more things i want to cover. i couldn't have said it better than a friend of mine who while a little hectic and crazy sometimes, has been nothing but a sweetheart<3 that i just want to encourage and motivate to art or post pictures of her billy butcher kitty babygirl incarnate but unfortunately due to circumstances may be regressing back into her shell.

a message i will never stop promoting, whatever iteration it comes in, whenever it comes up.

i may disagree with what you are saying or doing, but as long as you are not harming anyone, i will fight wholeheartedly for your right to say or do so.

that is the philosphy of true freedom, THAT is what i subscribe to. and it pisses me the fuck off when i see people trying to punish or hurt people for things that hurt no one. we don't get to decide how other people want to live their lives. we can only navigate and hope we might find a friend along the way.

and THAT is the single greatest picture of captain america ever fucking created. no i will take dissenting opinions.

in regards to assumed hostility or hostile attribution bias, a more lighthearted and easily digestable demonstration is below.

youtube

gais... just don't do it. don't automatically assume that someone means you harm or pain simply because they disagree with you. this is what leads to more problems. this is what leads to human tribalism. this is what divides us. this is what destroys us. this is what leads to wars. fandom shipping bullshit or otherwise.

the fucking stupidest invention of humanity, fought over goddamn unholy wads of paper and scribbles of ink because people couldn't accept that their ideas weren't accepted by everyone else, and anyone who didn't fall in line got the axe. or alienated. or excommunicated. or accused of being a witch. or whatever.

but this is the kinda shit we need to nip in the bud at the most basic level we can, every time we can.

it's called intolerance of the intolerant. and it's how we stop hatred from fostering and the intolerance being tolerated and eventually taking over.

because assumed hostility? it IS intolerance.

people are not made from ideas, it's the people who make or break the ideas, not the other way around. and ideas can change.

that should never be seen as a bad thing because it's necessary for positive changes and better understanding as time goes on.

challenge yourselves and the way you think, listen to newcomers and welcome them, have healthy discussions, learn to agree to disagree. it's not that hard.

and i know, i get it. it's not easy, not that simple either. everyone's on edge, people are sickly addicted to hatred and anger because they are EASY. giving in to them doesn't require self control or any form of discipline, it is as simple as instinct. it IS instinct. but if humanity has ANY hope of moving forward?

we HAVE to learn to give people the benefit of a doubt. we HAVE to learn to listen to each other, *actually* listen and hear *exactly* what others are saying. HAVE to learn to identify the difference between a differing *non-hostile* opinion and actual *intolerance*

because the world has already seen what happens when we FAIL and eventually we WILL run out of chances to get it right.

please at least TRY to give the benefit of the doubt in an appropriate situation.

i'll lead by example.

keys? even you. even now, i'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt DESPITE how you've treated me AND my friends now. because MAYBE you were actually key in the sketch and just having a bad day each time we interacted or MAYBE you have some sort of trauma getting triggered whenever you see my shit or we interact or whatever the fuck it could be, MAYBE you are feeling the pressures of a self discovery coming out journey and it's manifesting badly (yes i did notice that and if this is the case i would still wish you nothing but good will and luck with that, not sarcastic), or some combination, there's a million reasons and i don't know you, so i'm not going to assume or say anything for certain.

unlike some people.

but i don't think you're stupid. on the contrary, looking at your posts, my first 'assumption' was that you are actually very well educated and were just enjoying having fun and being silly. later and based on some things i saw, it occured to me that your education/upbringing may put you at odds or at a disadvantage with connecting with people online or having them understand you, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or them, it just means you're speaking different languages.

even the "tough love" thing could be a miscommunication/malapropism. it could also be internal denial because you had a loved one do that to you and still haven't come to terms with the actual abuse you were experiencing because "they knew best"

i've been there. but maybe i'm the one who's projecting just to give you the benefit of a doubt. is it fair for me to take out my own frustrations on random people? fuck to the NO. which is why i TRY regularly to keep that shit in line and my life private.

so i absolutely will not excuse you for being so blatantly dishonest about me either behind my back or to my face because even if you do think i'm being hostile (when i'm not), there's no excuse for that. no, i wouldn't excuse myself either.

that needs to stop in a general sense, and i know you KNOW you are doing that because you'd have to *actually* be the biggest fucking illiterate moron on the planet to not know at this point.

especially when i reached out to you before to try and resolve this calmly and you ignored me and then continued lying about me, yucking it up with anons and buddies like high school mean girls. officially. unironically. instead of doing an ounce of self reflecting.

and i didn't include those messages, but the continued disingenuity and callous misrepresentation is there. and especially the carving into my character to define me however you want without giving me a voice to speak for myself.

stop it. you know it. i know it. maybe you think i'm some country bumpkin cousin hick fucker who happens to conveniently be queer but is remarkably stupid or an easy target.

and maybe i am stupid for ever giving you the benefit of a doubt, but you don't get to rob me of my humanity or basic courtesy.

because YOU'RE human too. and you have a right to your thoughts and feelings and opinions, and i get that, and i support it

even if by some fucking bizarre coocoo for cocoa puffs alternate reality, butchlander were to become canon the way I saw it? i wouldn't gloat or celebrate or try to rub it in your face.

I would encourage you to keep liking what you like and keep being yourself, maybe even harder than before.

even knowing you wouldn't do the same for me. at least from personal experience. see any of the above. and if you think i'm a self righteous prick for it, so fucking be it.

but if you're going to be an asshole? at least own the fuck up to it.

oh, and by the way? i now headcanon that billy butcher once a month puts on a full body gimp suit and with ball gag to do some strange kinda unholy shit with fruit OR veggies (never both), and it HAS to be a waning crecent moon, because i fucking can. and you can't stop me. ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

gais... don't immediately assume hostility. please. i know tone can be hard to interpret through writing or typic and emojis help, and yeah, i know i can jump the gun too. but i try to take things told to me at face/basic value or read them in a neutral tone and i think it helps too.

but we should never be judging anyone before we know them.

#the boys #homelander #billy butcher #butchlander #bullying #abuse #trauma #hostile attribution bias #disinformation #dishonesty #disingenuous #fans behaving badly #psa #critical thinking #misrepresentation #human decency #shipping discourse #long post #kink shaming

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lathalea · 2 years

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It sadly seems many in this fandom don't even know Thorin at all. He's a traditional man who would never agree to any of the modern quips of today. He would be in a committing relationship with one woman, if he were to ever have one, and there's no way that him or any of the dwarves would agree to strange gender ideologies and gay pride. This group of beings from middle Earth would know nothing about this stuff and if they found out about it, I'm sure they wouldn't agree to it. The issue is, too many people are flooding your ask with these strange questions, being completely alright with retconning their favorite Tolkien characters with modern day tactics. It just doesn't make sense. Do you ever wonder how weird this stuff can be?

Dear Anon,

Thank you so much for your ask!

There is a lot of information to unpack here and quite a few questions to reply to, so bear with me while I do it. In the meantime, have a nice and hot Thorin pic:

(If you hear a sigh, it's Lathalea swooning.)

“It sadly seems many in this fandom don't even know Thorin at all.”

The Tolkien fandom is a huge group of people from all over the world united by the love of JRR’s works. There are hardcore fans and casual fans. Some of them only read the books, some saw only the Rankin/Bass animated version of Hobbit or the 1985 Soviet television play, and others fell in love with Peter Jackson’s movies. I’m sure you know that in all these adaptations, Thorin’s character is portrayed differently from the book. You can argue whether these adaptations were close to the source or whether they served the purpose, but that’s not the point here.

It works similarly when it comes to Thorin fans. Some of us prefer one version over the others, and others create a completely new interpretation of this character in their minds. And some of them put their ideas on paper (umm… computer screen). Even if this or that specific version of Thorin is not 100% the Thorin you or I like, it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t exist.

Various versions of this really inspiring character fulfil each person’s specific needs. Personally, I don’t think there is anything sad about making people happy this way. When I read a fic or an imagine where Thorin does not act in the way I prefer, I simply stop reading and move on. Someone wrote a story that made them happy, someone else liked it, and that’s fine. Not every work of fiction has to cater to everyone's needs.

The same goes for writing asks or requests about Thorin – if someone feels the need to be comforted or supported by a specific version of their favourite character, I’ll be happy to create a story about it if I can. We are living in crazy times, some of us are directly influenced by war, health issues, abuse and so on — and that is the least I can do to help.

(Here Lathalea makes simping sounds.)

“He's a traditional man who would never agree to any of the modern quips of today. He would be in a committing relationship with one woman, if he were to ever have one…”

If we are talking about the canon version of Thorin, I agree with you here. If he was to survive BOTFA, he would most probably marry a Dwarf-woman of childbearing age, mostly to strengthen the line of Durin and provide the heirs to the throne of Erebor, plus to secure some alliances with another large Dwarf house by the way of marriage.

Of course we can also say that he would not marry anyone because he is a Dwarf focused on his craft — and that would also be valid, especially since he has Fili and Kili as heirs (if we’re assuming they survived BOTFA as well). If you read my stories, you have most probably noticed that the first version is the one I choose most often – because I like my fics to stay as close to canon as possible, and I imagine that the Dwarven culture draws from the early mediaeval traditions (plus the Scandinavian culture because we know that Tolkien was partially inspired by it when creating Aule’s children). But that’s my own private headcanon and it’s okay if you see it differently.

(Here Lathalea dreams of combing his hair.)

“...and there's no way that him or any of the dwarves would agree to strange gender ideologies and gay pride. This group of beings from middle Earth would know nothing about this stuff and if they found out about it, I'm sure they wouldn't agree to it.”

What if I were to tell you that for Tolkien’s people of Men in Middle Earth, Dwarves most probably had “strange gender ideologies” too? Some examples:

— People of Men thought that there are only male Dwarves in existence and that their children were “born” out of stone. — Dwarves respected their women greatly and considered them extremely precious (while people of Men often treated women as subservient to men).

— Both Dwarven men and women had beards and wore similar clothes in the outside world, so they all looked like men to the outsiders. Among the people of Men, it was the opposite — and women often had a limited amount of roles to fulfil in their lives.

Having said that, if we were to follow Tolkien’s canon, we have no way of knowing exactly how the gender dynamics or ideas look among the Dwarves. This was the race not created by Eru, but by Aule, in secret, and therefore they are different from the Children of Illúvatar. We only know the Dwarves are very secretive and there are many misconceptions about them. We don’t know what they would think about any concepts we take for granted in our modern societies :)

The same would happen if we invert the situation: for someone raised in, say, the USA, in modern times, the various concepts of gender that have existed in our world throughout history (for example in the North American indigenious cultures, in the ancient Mesopotamia, Egypt, Greece, India, and so on) will probably feel strange, too. And it is totally understandable, mostly because we weren’t raised in those cultures. The same goes for the world of Tolkien. You probably know of his times, his background and worldview that influenced his writing, so I’ll skip it and go straight to fanfiction.

When it comes to fanfiction that is less focused on staying in line with canon, anything can happen there. It is every writer’s creative playground. Some even say that it is both its greatest blessing and a curse ;) But, as such, this playground gives every fan an opportunity to experience certain concepts and ideas in a safe, controlled environment. To experiment. To think out of the box. There is nothing wrong with playing around with different ideas if one feels inclined to do so. That’s how great stories and classic pieces of literature came to be. And there are many great fics that deviate from Tolkien’s writings at the same time being inspired by them.

But of course if those kinds of stories are not your cup of tea, that’s totally fine, too. One of the basic rules of fanfiction says “don’t like it, don’t read it”, after all, and I follow it every time I read anything new.

(This is the scene where Thorin kills Azog and survives and lives happily ever after and Lathalea will die on that Ravenhill. See what I did there? ;) )

“The issue is, too many people are flooding your ask with these strange questions, being completely alright with retconning their favorite Tolkien characters with modern day tactics. It just doesn't make sense. Do you ever wonder how weird this stuff can be?”

I hope that what I wrote above explained my point of view. And if you read Thorin's my replies to these asks, you have most probably noticed that I imagine Thorin as a person firmly set in his times and having completely different concepts and worldview than the one many modern people have.

I completely understand that the ideas offered by many Thorin simps that stray from canon don’t have to make sense to you, and that’s okay. My headcanon of Thorin is also close to Tolkien’s canon and being a writer, it makes me happy to explore this character within those bounds. Each of my “iterations” of Thorin in every of my fics is slightly different from the others and yet I try to follow the path staked out by Tolkien to the best of my ability.

There are, however, many writers or artists who choose different paths and interpret our beloved Thorin in other ways — and that's okay, too! They are very much free to do so as long as they are having fun! The possibilities are endless and so is our imagination.

We all have different definitions of “weird stuff”. There are probably many people saying that my fics are weird because, for example, I don’t write Bilbo x Thorin romance. It is all relative. I don’t feel qualified enough to judge others. I just believe in unrestricted creativity and say ‘no’ to gatekeeping.

Thank you for coming to my Thorin TED Talk ;)

(Thorin's brooding skills are legendary. But it's not surprising. He's a very skilled dwarf, is he not? 😈)

Tagging all the Thorin simps, including @fizzyxcustard @linasofia @xxbyimm @legolasbadass @middleearthpixie @i-did-not-mean-to @shiinata-library @frosticenow @sweetestgbye @onlywifetothorin555 and everyone else who adores our majestic dwarf :)

#thorin oakenshield #lathalea speaks #ask box #thorin #character headcanons #headcanon #fanfiction #lotr #tolkien #Marxist anon

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fuckmeyer · 7 months

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random! but I absolutely love your interpretation of Bella and Edward and was wondering what you think Bella would gift Edward for his birthday — i know she gifts him her visions as a vampire and compiles them in a lil montage, but I'm more interested in what you think she'd opt for left to her mere human talents

aw, thank you, anon! glad you like my interpretation of Bella & Edward. love your question. tricky! what do you get the rich century-old vampire for a celebration he typically ignores? the perfect gift requires a fundamental understanding of who this man is, what he wants, & what he needs.

i think (& believe this applies to canon too)...

Edward has a contradiction within him that leads to his suffering. he reads others' minds; no one can do the same, yet he hears everyone's judgments about him. most are projections, but what they all instinctively know is also what he fears: he's a monster. this skews his perception of himself because it "confirms" what he "knows." being a monster makes him inherently bad. selfish. cruel. violent. unworthy. soulless. his opinion isn't all negative: he knows he's curious, intelligent, musical, etc., but these traits all stem from or are influenced by his vampirism...meaning all his positive traits are shadowed by his "evilness"

by virtue of trying to be a better person, some part of him knows this is not who he truly is. deep down, he wants to be seen— the parts of him he's forgotten, denied, or ignored but exist nonetheless. he wants to be seen as good. worthy. deserving. human. lovable. soulful. he wants someone to see the suffering, the contradiction. he wants someone to see he's lonely. that his needs aren't met. that he's misunderstood.

part of why he's drawn to Bella is her "goodness" &, more importantly, her silent mind. not only does she draw the best out of him, but he can't see the worst of himself through her eyes. as annoying as he says it is, being blocked from her mind is a relief.

which leads us to another thing Edward wants: Edward wants to see Bella's mind. canon Bella kinda understands this by the end with the lil vampire montage, but as a human, she lacks self confidence & self awareness to understand Edward truly is interested in knowing her.

ok, so say she has more self-confidence & enough self-awareness & knows Edward well enough to understand what he wants and needs... here's how the birthday goes:

she would take him someplace where he can't hear anyone's thoughts (e.g. the meadow, but tbh it'd be fun if she took him someplace he's never been. he can enjoy the surprise & mystery.)

she would plan activities he's typically excluded from. e.g., a game of chess/cards, maybe a picnic (even if he can't eat, he can enjoy a human experience)

she would wear an outfit he loves on her (NO green sweater. sorry folks)

she might make a mixtape of songs she loved as a child & details the memories behind them, OR a mixtape of songs from their relationship showcasing her favorite memories together. i.e., giving him a peek into her mind through something they have in common

fucking CUTE ASS HOMEMADE CARD drawn/painted by her. if she was brave, all her mushy feelings she would never say out loud would go into this (or in an accompanying letter). i could also see her making a collage: she would cut out quotes about love from his favorite books, put in some pressed flowers he's given her, maybe mementos from their time together (ticket stubs, fave lyrics, scraps from their Bio homework with their flirty notes written in the margins, photos, etc). if she journals, maybe she cuts out some sections where she's writing about him. something that shows him that, just as he's grateful for every second of their time together, she values that time just as much

straight up she might ask him if there's anything he wants to do with her. if he wants to take her to a bookstore or record store & drop a cool thousand on her, she will grin & bear it. if he wants to slowdance with her for hours, great. if he wants her to go to Mike Newton's & kick him in the balls...well, maybe they can compromise & egg his house or sth

ok this idea won't leave my brain so here ya go: taking a favorite date of theirs but making it totally solo. thinking particularly of going to the drive-in theater. except instead of going to the drive-in, she would roll that Chevy out to the woods, there's a projector & screen all set up, the truckbed is filled with blankets & pillows & snacks, & they watch his favorite movie together

she would touch him. not sexually because that would put him on edge. but she would play with his hair & rub his back & touch his skin & cuddle & hold his hand etc., because LORD KNOWS this man is touch-starved after decades of being alone & this lack of contact has contributed to his low self esteem

ultimately, she would give him what he wants (her) while showing him that she understands what he needs (to be seen). THAT, to me, would be the ultimate gift for the man who seemingly has everything.

#this got long lol sorry #i hope to god by 'interpretation' you're talking about Bells & Edward because i think that's basically how i answered this question LMAO #thank you! i loved this. it was so fun!#cheers #asks

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andrew-nobody · 6 months

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Hello! I dunno if I'm gonna word this right so bear wit me please. But I'm curious.

I heard from a lot of systems that when there's a fictive they're WAAAYYY different than they were in the source.

What's that feel like? I mean... how do I explain? Like, you're suddenly... alive? Sorry if that's offensive, I unno a good word for what happens. Manifest?

And then you're seeing all this stuff about you but they're also kinna NOT about you personally?

Is that super overwhelming? How do you deal with that?

I hope that makes sense. I'm so bad at explaining and wording stuff.

Great question. Not offended, glad you asked. Just the way you’re asking gives me the impression that you get it.

It’s incredibly overwhelming! That’s a big reason I made this blog. Before the blog, I kind of walked into the Motel (the innerworld) with no sense of where I fit into it, let alone the world-at-large. But here, answering questions and stuff, it gives me direction, a purpose. A way to connect to my source, and all the people who love that source. And I want to contribute to that, because I feel like a part of it.

I am sort of suddenly alive. I suddenly exist. And the rules are different. Reality is different. I still have all of my memories from the game. That was all I knew before I “walked in.” Hell, I have memories that aren’t even in the game, but they’re blurry and hard to define until I explore them - kind of like that ask about if I’d ever want a pet.

More under cut….

I don’t want to say that I’m “WAYYY” different than my source. I’m kind of like an alternate reality version of that Andrew, I guess. Like, yeah… I fucking killed people and even ate them and also I didn’t do that because that happened in a game.

Would I kill someone now? Well, no, my circumstances are completely different for one thing. Also I don’t want to perpetuate a stereotype of an “evil alter” that can switch in and commit acts of violence. But when I put myself back in the headspace of my source and the exaggerated experience of fiction, I can still feel it. And when it comes to the play of an ask blog, why not do a little murder? Or whatever. Who’s it hurting?

When it comes to seeing people talking about a me that is not me, there’s definitely cognitive dissonance there. I just have to try to separate their experience and interpretation of the me that is a publicly-consumable character versus the me that is me.

For example, a lot of people are really into transgender/“genderbent”/femdrew/Andrea—whatever you want to call her. Seeing those interpretations give me some gender dysphoria, probably because the host of my system is trans masculine. But none of those interpretations are about me. So it’s simple, I just keep scrolling. I move along. Trans Andrew is just as valid as I am. And I know every version of me is important to the person that version is stemming from, and it says more about them than it does about me.

As for suddenly being in a system full of people I don’t know. It kind of sucks! Everyone here can read my mind?! I’m not used to that kind of lack of privacy, and I used to live with Ashley so that’s saying something! And I’m not the only fictive here, either. (There are fucking Teen Titans here? Lmfao??) And that’s difficult because, you know, we don’t all get along.

Anyway that was a LOT longer than I meant it to be. Kind of a whole vent post! Hope you don’t mind, Anon.

If you see this, feel free to shoot me a DM? I’m happy to talk more about this in detail (though I guess I already have…). Hope to hear from you.

Thanks so much.

#fictive #plural system #plurality #introject #osdd system #osdd #answered asks #anon

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skaruresonic · 7 months

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You seem like a very cool friend to have, you have a bigger heart then I, I just can't tolerate death threats and wishes. Offcourse in politics you see it all the time, but people in politics have power over us and sometimes their decisions is a matter of life and death. It's different then someone being involved in comic books and games like flynn.

As someone who was bullied both irl and online, death treats trigger me. I had panic attacks over it. Strangers telling me to die because of how I looked or because of my Sonic opinion. It also made me lash out, and hurt me friends. Not excusing my behavior but I wasn't myself anymore. That's why my tolerance is zero to people like that. I'm just weaker or too sensitive.

I don't think I'm tolerating his behavior by forgiving him, per se. I'm saying, "I expect better of you because you are my friend and I am giving you a chance to Do Better." Because, bear in mind, my first reaction was to unfollow him. After giving it some thought, I realized it didn't really make sense to abruptly cut ties with someone I considered a friend because they said something fucked-up at 3 AM. IDW fans tend to cut ties with no explanation, and upon reflection, I asked myself, "Am I really doing any better if I react first and don't ask for context?" The disappointment I felt was because I'd held him to a higher standard; the reason I unfollowed was because of that. It wasn't like I cheerily condoned it or anything, I really was disappointed and told Random as much. We continue to be friends because he hasn't repeated the offense, but also because we just like each other as people. But, again, because I didn't broadcast my disappointment early enough for the public's liking, people assume I blithely tolerate death threats towards Flynn. I don't. You'd think folks would realize that by looking at how I abide by a strict no-contact policy. (Then again, they may just interpret that as an act of cowardice on my part, so who knows.)

That being said, anon, you shouldn't beat yourself up over your reactions to things no one should go through. That's like calling yourself weak or too sensitive for crying out in pain when somebody punches you in the face. Of course it's going to hurt; of course the natural reflex is to first yell "Ow!" and then "Hey, what the fuck?" People mocking you for doing either are only being sickening and also don't know how psychology works. We're not punching bags, we're people.

And the worst part is, they act like they act like you have a victim narrative, and then turn right around and paint themselves as victims of harassment because you… reblogged a post of theirs. On the Reblogging Site. Forgive me if I don't exactly feel sorry for you, you know?

I was once on Twitter. I can count the number of conversations I've had where people didn't twist my words on one hand. On Tumblr, at roughly the same time, I was receiving harassing asks attacking my character at least once a day. And that was on top of people in general sneering at Le Haters.

They mock us for being part of a clique, but honestly, I feel like my friends are the only ones keeping me sane through all this. At least they won't judge even if I go off the deep end. At least they know where I'm coming from. At least there's someone out there who knows this situation isn't fair or balanced and acknowledges that it's actually kind of fucked-up.

Of course, folks will say "You're only friends with Random because he agrees with you," which... paints a rather narrow and sad view of how they approach their online friendships, tbh. Do you require conformity of thought in your friendships, then?

Imagine months' worth of this. Imagine people attacking every angle of your character, from your intelligence, to your character, to your friendships, to your status as a Sonic fan, to your mental health, and then on top of that the majority of them proceeding to imply what you went through was invalid and didn't happen, and even if it did, that it didn't matter, at least not in comparison to what the people hurt by looking at your blog went through.

In other fandoms, we'd call that victim-blaming, but Sonic is a unique cesspit where a shocking amount of abuse apologia slips through the cracks:

This? Is fine in the mainstream's eyes. Because we "deserve" it somehow.

Legitimately I was afraid when I announced my mom's death online that they would mock me for it. And they did. And they didn't do that to just me, they pulled it with my friends' and their deceased loved ones, too, even when they hadn't said anything.

On Mother's Day, I received a nasty chain of reblogs mocking my mom's death and the language I'm studying, which is very important to me because it is our tribe's language and a language we nearly lost to residential school. I didn't grow up learning it, but I'm learning it as as an adult, filling that void.

What really put the nail in the coffin and made me decide to delete my second blog was when they said, quote, "Maybe she wouldn't have died if you weren't such a cunt."

My fears about being mocked online for it turned out to be entirely valid. Tbf, a few people backed off when they heard the news, but then you had shitheads who just wanted to stir the pot because haha isn't it funny to watch Le Hater suffer. (tw for parent death below)

Truth is, I harbor a great deal of guilt over her death because I had to watch her suffer for a long time at the hands of inept and sometimes abusive hospital staff and was unable to do anything about it. There were some cases where I might have exacerbated her suffering, such as when I cleaned the tub days before her death (with good intentions) and she slipped and cracked her head, got a hairline fracture in her skull on top of everything else.

I don't like thinking about it.

I feel like there's maybe some unprocessed trauma there in that I tend to think about it at least once a day, but I push it into the back of my mind. That's kind of what Natives do: we don't have the resources to deal with our trauma, so our solution is to just stop thinking about things that bother us, like closing a door in our minds. Out of sight, out of mind.

However, it's difficult to close certain doors when people keep trying to push them open. I can handle Not Thinking about That Particular Thing, but how can I avoid thinking about IDW discourse when people in this fandom are constantly reminding me of how I'll never be forgiven my heathen ways? And kicking sand in my face by saying I have a victim complex when I have pulled every stop possible to draw proper boundaries? What they really want is for you to shut up forever, and fuck that.

I won't say I've been perfect, either, but based on the way folks talk, you'd think we want Flynn homeless. And that's a degree of bad faith you just can't work with. You can't work with supercilious centrists who'll sneer "you're just as bad" when all you're doing is posting on your own blog, who act like you getting snarky in your blogging is the equivalent to being told your mother would still be alive if you weren't "such a cunt."

Again, you cannot win in a situation like this. The only solution is to walk away because it's clear they need an eternal scapegoat, and it seems nothing I can do or say will convince those whose minds are already turned against us that we're not terribad people.

#asks #death threat mention

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