#be the same as it was. i miss my friends. i miss life before covid and i miss life before july 5 2022. i miss futures i didn’t get to live. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

joshkiszkasears · 9 months

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In Every Life | JMK

| Pairing: Josh Kiszka x Female Reader

| 4.7k Words

| 18+ only! Minors do not interact

| Warnings: 18+, smut, drinking, language, fluff, angst, praise kink, oral sex (m + f), penetrative sex. Let me know if I missed anything!

“You’re sure it’s not too much?” you ask fussing with the bottom of the dress he had picked out for you.

“It’s perfect,” he says, turning you to face him, “I knew this little number would look stunning. It’s my favorite color on you.”

You smile weakly and take a deep breath in to calm your nerves. This was your first time going to a semi public event together. You’d been dating for a couple years but Josh—much like his twin—had wanted to keep your relationship for just the two of you. Of course your close family and friends knew and you went out together but you two knew there was a very real possibility this would be the first time you would be romantically linked in the public eye. Covid had made it easy for your relationship to be just that, yours. Of course there had been rumors here and there of Josh’s secret girlfriend. Mainly just grainy photos of you walking back to the tour bus with him or posts about seeing Josh with some girl at a restaurant, but nothing that had ever gained any traction. Up until now, you had maintained your anonymity and you liked it that way. You loved your little bubble. It felt safe. But you knew tonight there would be lots of people and cameras there and that the perfect serene secret of your relationship was about to be out in the open. No longer just yours and Josh’s. To say you were terrified was an understatement.

You knew how much he loved you but you were so scared this would somehow change things. Sensing your anxiety, Josh slides his hands down your bare arms, stopping at your hands and interlacing his fingers through yours. He looks at you breathing in a deep breath and urges you to do the same. You take a deep breath in mirroring his and breathe out together. You find your nerves starting to melt. You take another together and he wraps his arms around you squeezing you slightly. The perfect amount of pressure to make you feel safe.

He pulls away, “So… what you’re not gonna tell me how good I look?” he chuckles with a twirl trying to lighten the mood. “You look incredible, babe. I think this is one of your best looks yet.” you reply, straightening his jacket. And you meant it. The chocolate brown suit he’d designed pairs perfectly with his cream turtleneck and he looks absolutely delectable but you’ll save those comments for later.

“Okay pretty lady, you ready to do this thing?” he asks with a toothy grin. “As I’ll ever be,” you let out a nervous chuckle. He kisses your forehead and leads you downstairs where your car is waiting.

You arrive at the wedding fifteen minutes before it starts. Just long enough to meet up with the other guys and their dates. Jita greets you first with a hug and compliments your dress. She reaches down and gives your hand a soft squeeze. A silent acknowledgment that she knows how you’re feeling. You greet everyone else with hugs and head inside the venue to find a seat. You all take your seats and your leg immediately starts bouncing, a nervous tic that happens subconsciously. Josh reaches over and grabs your hand rubbing small circles with his thumb. He’s always so attentive and knows just how to ground you right when you’re starting to spiral. You smile softly and there’s a change in music signaling the wedding was beginning.

The ceremony was beautiful. The couple's vows were sweet and sincere. And your face got red hot when the newlyweds were heading down the aisle and Josh leaned over to tell you how beautiful you would look in a wedding gown. The officiant announced that the couple wanted all of you to enjoy a cocktail hour before the reception started. Your group got up and joined the crowd of people headed to the cocktail hour. On your way you chatted with Jita and Hannah about how lovely the wedding had been and talked about how pretty the bride's dress was. Once you’d arrived at the cocktail hour you all claimed a pub table to stand around.

“Your usual?” Josh asked. You smiled and nodded “Yes please!” The guys wandered off to the bar and found their way back to the table faster than you’d expected with drinks in hand. “Here you go pretty girl,” Josh hands you your drink with a smile and a wink. You love the way he makes you blush with the simplest words and gestures. You sip your drink as conversation flows and before you realize it you’ve reached the bottom of your glass. Josh’s cup has also run empty. You notice and ask him if he wants to make another trip to the bar. He nods and reaches an arm around your waist and kisses your bare shoulder before he starts leading you towards the bar.

Once you’ve entered into a crowd of people and you two are out of the group's sight, Josh leans over and whispers in your ear. “What do you say we step out and get a little bit of fresh air?” You’re not sure whether it’s the tone he uses or the way his lips are grazing the shell of your ear but the question has sent a jolt of energy through your body. “Mmmm” you nod.

He uses his grip around your waist to guide you towards the door. You enter into a long hallway that’s surprisingly empty considering the party that’s raging on just on the other side of the wall. You walk down the hallway a bit before Josh removes his arm and turns his body to face you. “You know how good you look tonight? So perfect for me,” he says, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. That familiar warmth comes rushing back to your cheeks. You look down embarrassed by how quickly his words are unraveling you. “Look at me sweet girl,” he uses a finger to lightly pull your chin up as he steps closer to you, “Want you to look at me, know that I mean it.” You nod. “And I do mean it,” he continues “I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off you. A whole spectacle going on but I couldn’t focus on anything but you.”

You gasp when your back hits the wall behind you. You hadn’t noticed that you’d been slowly shuffling backwards as he’d been moving to close the space between the two of you. You’d run out of space to move and Josh had you trapped now. One of his hands making its way to the small of your back and the other reaching up, capturing your chin between his first two fingers as he pulled you into a kiss. It was gentle the same way all his kisses started out. And then slowly you felt his tongue sliding across your lips asking for permission. You parted your lips granting him access and then your tongues met, beginning to do their familiar dance. The kiss quickly became hungry and full of wanting. You notice an aching starting to grow between your legs as Josh pulls you closer into himself. One of his legs sliding between yours. You let out a quiet moan when his leg grazes your heat.

Josh pulls away and lets out a soft chuckle. You whine at the loss of his lips against yours. “My sweet girl is so needy isn’t she. Moaning right here for me in public. Bet you’d let me have you right here if I wanted, wouldn’t you? I promise I’ll take good care of you when we get home.”

Wrapping your hands around the lapel of his blazer you pull him back into a kiss. “Need you right now” you breathe against his mouth.

He lets out a groan. “Oh mama, don’t tempt me.”

Before you know what your body is doing you’ve grabbed his hand and you’re leading him down the hallway toward the bathroom you saw when you had entered the venue. You put your ear against the door of the men’s restroom. “What are you doing?” Josh asks. “Shhh.” You whisper.

After listening for a second and hearing nothing on the other side of the door. You grab Josh’s hand and pull him into the bathroom. Walking down the long bathroom you lead him into the last stall and silently thank your lucky stars the stalls have floor to ceiling walls and are more spacious than a typical bathroom stall. You lock the stall behind you and spin Josh until his back is against the stall door. You reach down for the button of his trousers and look up at him silently asking if this was okay. He sees your hesitation and nods, licking his lips at the sight of you so desperate for him. You look down and finally notice the large imprint his cock is making against his pants. You make quick work unbuttoning his pants and freeing him from his boxers before dropping to your knees. Looking up at him through your lashes before licking a stripe from the base of his cock up to his tip. His breath hitches. “Gonna have to make this quick mama, don’t want them to come looking for us.” In response you take him until he hits the back of your throat. He lets out an airy moan. You begin working his length at just the right pace using your hands to work the portions that won’t fit in your mouth. Slow at first but then picking up the pace just how you know he likes it. You know his body so well by now that you’ve got him close without even realizing it.

Reaching his hands down he weaves his fingers delicately through your hair applying light pressure to the back of your head and then finding his rhythm, he starts bucking his hips into your face fucking your mouth. You feel tears starting to sting the corners of your eyes. “My girl is doing so good for me,” he says looking down at you. “Look so pretty choking on me.” Never missing a beat, he moves one of his hands from the back of your head reaching down to wipe a tear that had escaped. He moans a string of expletives and you can tell he’s approaching his climax from his leg muscles starting to tense, and his cock twitching in your mouth. You flatten your tongue and move ever so slightly sending him over the edge. You feel his familiar warmth rushing down the back of your throat sucking all of it down, not wasting a single drop. You let him finish and then slowly let his cock fall out of your mouth with a pop.

He slips himself back into his boxers and pants and begins to button his trousers. “Wow… that was…” he trails off. “Hot,” you say standing up finishing his sentence with a smirk. “Yeah,” Josh lets out a breathy laugh. “Wanna taste you later, mama,” he says, pulling you in for a quick kiss. “Will you let me do that? Be a sweet girl and let me have you? Let me take my time with you?” The way he speaks to you is intoxicating. “Yes please” you say, nodding your head quickly.

With another quick kiss on your cheek, Josh exits the stall and then the bathroom making sure the coast is clear for you two to sneak back out. He motions to you that you’re good and you stop in front of the mirror to quickly smooth down your hair and reapply your lip gloss. You exit the restroom and you straighten Josh’s jacket and give each other a one over to make sure there’s no evidence of what just occurred. After you’re both satisfied, you start back towards the party, Josh’s arm wraps around you starting at your shoulder his hand gently slides down until it reaches the small of your back where it had been there all night.

After making a quick stop at the bar to grab the drinks you were supposed to be getting the entire time you make your way back to your table. “Wow, the bar must have been super busy when you guys went up there. Super weird I didn’t see you when I was going to get ours.” Sam says with a teasing tone raising his glass in your direction. You feel yourself starting to blush. Josh clears his throat to explain himself when a loud voice booms over the speakers “The couple would love for you to come celebrate with them at the reception. Please make your way to the ballroom.” Saved by the bell, you think.

Once again the group joins in as a herd of people migrates to the ballroom. You all get your table number and find your way to the table. You sit down and chat enjoying each others company. You find yourself immersed in a side conversation with Jita for most of the night. You were so grateful for how well you got along with Jake’s partner. Meeting Jake and Jita had been the most nerve wracking part of you and Josh’s relationship. You knew how much it meant to Josh that you get along well with them. He had always seen Jake as quite literally an extension of himself and Jita, well she had become family at that point. You were thankful for how easily conversation flowed between the two of you and that you connected so easily.

The night carried on and at one point you look up to see Josh has gotten a glow stick and is dancing around with it. His dance moves somehow resemble that of both a child and an elderly person simultaneously. You let out a snort laugh watching him dance. He is pure sunshine in human form and you love to see him being goofy and having fun. The duality of your partner is something you will never be able to adequately express your appreciation for. His ability to be both the lightest goofiest person you know and somehow still be the most alluring sexy person is such a mystery but he somehow does it with ease.

He pulls you out of the dance floor and you erupt into giggles as he takes your arms and swings them with his, trying to will your body into mimicking his moves. You stay out on the dance floor for a bit. Long enough for the lights to lower and the music to slow down. Josh pulls you into slow dance. You feel hesitant, for some reason having him hold you like that on the dance floor felt vulnerable. All night you’d been off to the side when showing affection. Now you were in the center of the room and while there were several other couples on the dance floor as well, you felt exposed somehow. Sensing your hesitation, Josh pulls you in tighter. He leans in close “Let them look,” he says in a hushed tone.

You let yourself relax into his embrace and enjoy this moment. Throughout the duration of your dance Josh is whispering sweet nothings to you. At one point he was whispering what he had planned for you later in the evening and you felt a blush creeping across your face and the aching between your legs grow stronger. He had this way of making everything melt away. The sounds of people clapping for the band as the song ends rips you back to reality. Josh takes your hand and guides you back to your table. As you guys take your seats back at the table Josh places his hand dangerously high on your thigh. You feel yourself tense up under his touch. You need him, you’ve needed him all night. Sensing this, Josh squeezes your thigh and rises from the table. It was late enough in the evening that it felt like an appropriate time to head out. You and Josh make your rounds saying goodbye to all your friends and stopping to congratulate the couple one last time.

The ride home is torturous. Josh’s hand draws lazy patterns on your upper thigh. At one point he slides his hand up under the hem of your dress and starts to inch his way up your thigh. You clench around nothing and shift in your seat searching for any kind of relief you can get. He moves his hand back down your thigh and you whine. “Patience, sweet girl. You know I’ll take care of you when we get home.” Josh laughs softly.

You finally pull into the driveway and you’re practically falling over yourself trying to get inside as fast as possible. You get through the door after fumbling with your keys to unlock it. Josh rushes in after you and closes the door behind the two of you.

His hands immediately find your hips, he spins you around until your back hits the door and the breath is momentarily knocked out of your chest. He presses his body into yours and grabs your left leg hitching it over his hip. He then takes his hand under your chin to lift your head to the side exposing your neck. Josh trails wet sloppy kisses down your neck. Fighting for any sense of control you reach down and palm at his dick through his pants. He sucks in hard through his teeth and grabs both your wrists pinning them against the door behind you, reminding you who is actually running the show. He continues hungrily kissing down your neck leaving love marks as he goes. One of Josh’s favorite things was marking you up and leaving you reminders of whose you were.

Josh trails his mouth back up to meet yours and releases your arms to fall back to your side. He lifts your leg bringing it back down to the ground. He then uses both of his arms to wrap around your waist and start guiding you both back towards the bedroom. The two of you fumble your way down the hallway just a mess of tangled limbs never letting your mouths separate.

Once you reach the bedroom he pats to feel the bed behind him and spins you around to lay you on your back. “My turn to take care of you now,” he says softly. He takes off his jacket and tosses it on the chair next to your bed. Josh then drops to his knees in front of you and makes quick work taking off your shoes and starts kissing up your legs. He’s going agonizingly slow and keeping true to his word, he was definitely taking his time.

He starts to bunch your dress up loosely around your hips and ghosts his face right above your center. You buck your hips slightly looking for any form of friction. He chuckles softly to himself, “Needy tonight are we?” You groan back to him, “Mhmmm please Josh, need you so bad.”

He rewards your begging by hooking two fingers into your underwear and pulling them off. He slips a single digit into your heat and lets out a small moan. “So wet for me already mama. Need to taste you, can I taste you?” You nod your head quickly. “Need to hear you. Want to hear you ask for it,” he purrs. “Please Josh, please I need it, need your mouth, please please please,” you quickly slur out. You don’t even care how absolutely desperate and fucked out you sound, you needed him and you knew he was getting off hearing you beg.

“That’s my girl,” he looks up at you, “look so pretty like this for me. Want to make you feel good, can I make my pretty girl feel good?” he smirks. He’s having too much fun toying with you. “Please Josh.” you plead. Finally, he sinks down, connecting with your center. His tongue licking a long stripe from your entrance to your clit where he starts to lick lazy circles.

“Need more,” you manage to choke out. He slips another finger in and sucks your clit into his mouth. Moving his digits in and out of you in a perfect rhythm, he starts doing a ‘come here’ motion with his fingers and you’re quickly approaching your climax. You feel yourself clenching around his fingers and hear him let out a whimper. Your sweet boy loves to make you feel good. At the rate he’s working you, you know it won’t be long before you’re coming undone. You know it, he knows it, and he starts to pick up his pace lapping against you like a starving man.

He comes up for breath momentarily, “C’mon, mama let go for me. Need you to cum on my face, will you cum for me sweet girl. Need to taste you.” He drops his face back down and you weave your hands through his messy curls and begin to buck your hips into his face. He flattens his tongue and lets you ride his face. His words were all the encouragement you needed and before you know it you’re cumming hard around his fingers. He coaches you through your release, “That’s it, so perfect when you let go. My good girl.”

Josh slips his fingers out of you and brings them to his mouth savoring your release. He peppers your inner thighs with kisses as you come down. Your body starts to settle and you suddenly feel the loss of his touch. You feel empty and have an insatiable desire to have him in you again.

“Josh,” you breathe out. “Mhm, yes my love,” he says lazily looking up at you from between your legs, God is he beautiful like that. “Need you to fill me up. Feels so empty, can you fuck me?” you ask as innocently as possible, you know what talking to him like that does. “I spent so long babying your sweet cunt, now it needs me to fill it up?” his eyes start to darken. Fuck, he’s absolutely filthy. You nod your head quickly.

He gets up from the ground, takes off his shirt, undoes his belt, and steps out of his pants. He pulls his boxers down and lets his hardened cock spring free. He pumps it a few times before walking over to the bed and grabbing your legs to pull you to him. Josh lines himself up and starts to tease your entrance. “Please no more teasing,” you whine out a little more desperately than you’d intended. Josh, feeling merciful, pushes into you quickly bottoming out, and you suck in a breath through your teeth.

He stalls out there for a moment letting you adjust to his size. “Perfect for me, just perfect. Like you were made for me,�� he says. He looks down to where your bodies are connected and starts to pump in and out of you. You join his gaze and watch him fucking into you. He’s right, seeing the two of you connect, it’s like your bodies were made for each other.

“Feel so good, can feel you so deep.” you moan out. He places a hand on your lower stomach and both your eyes meet there. “Feel me here?” he says, thrusting into you hard. The sound that tears through you is nothing short of pornographic. He started fucking you at an unrelenting pace. You couldn’t get words out so you just nodded furiously but what you wanted to say was you felt him everywhere. You always did but especially when you connected with him in this way, even when he was being absolutely filthy his radiance reached to every part of your entire being. Your golden boy. And you somehow get lost thinking about how fortunate you are to live in his glow.

A gentle touch to your cheek brings you back to reality. “You alright in there, love. Looked like you spaced on me for a second,” he stares down at you with a slight look of concern. “I’m good, I’m good. Promise. Love you so much. You take such good care of me.” you reply. He slows his pace and his eyes are filled with nothing but admiration. “Love you more than anything, you’re everything. Said I would take my time with you tonight, want to take my time with you.” he says remembering his words from earlier in the night. “Can I do that? Love my sweet girl just right, slow and gentle like she deserves?” His voice is thick as honey and just as sweet, but somehow still dripping with sex. “Mmmhmmmm,” you encourage. You’re convinced he could propose anything and you’d always blindly agree.

Josh lowers his face down to meet yours and kisses you deeply before kissing a trail down your neck all the while pumping in and out of you. He makes his way down to your collarbone where he leaves a few love bites. “Mine” he muttered into your neck. “Yours,” you moan out.

He then makes his way down to your nipples, popping one into his mouth and gently biting it before quickly soothing it with his tongue. He finally makes his way back upright and pushes your knees to your chest changing the angle and somehow hitting you deeper than before. You let out a hiss of pleasure. The two of you stay this way for a while, his pace slow, steady, and deep. Just the two of you, eyes locked on each other, and the room filled with the breathy moans each of you is letting out accompanied by Josh’s gentle praise to you. And with each “good girl,” “so good for me,” “just like that,” and “you take me so well,” you inch closer to your end.

Eventually Josh reaches his thumb down to your mouth, swiping your bottom lip. You open your mouth and he slides his thumb in letting you suck on it gently. He pulls it back out and slides it down to your clit where he rubs tight slow circles. A moan escapes you. “M getting close baby,” you say breathily, “will you cum with me? Want you to fill me up.” His eyes roll back in his head. “Don’t think I could dream about lasting much longer when you’re talking to me like that mama.”

You feel your walls tightening around him and feel his hips slightly faltering signaling that you are both nearing your release. He looks down at you, “Need you to cum for me again? Can you do that for me? Cum pretty all over my cock?” And with one final swipe of his finger you’re sent plummeting over that edge, your second orgasm hitting you hard. He pushes into you bottoming out and you feel his release filling you. “Fuckkkkk, thank you sweet girl. So good for me.” he rushes out as his forehead drops down to meet yours.

You both stay there for a moment and let your breathing slow as you both come down. Josh finally pulls out of you and goes into the en-suite bathroom where he starts drawing a bath. You lazily make your way into the bathroom to meet him. You slide into the tub and he slips in behind you. The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a bit and he runs his hands gently up and down your arms. “You know I meant it,” he speaks gently, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Hmmm?” you question. “I meant what I said earlier. That you’d look beautiful in a wedding dress. Hope I get to wait for you at the end of the aisle some day.” he says. “You really mean that?” you choke out. You knew he loved you and you both had talked about spending the rest of this life together but never like this. “Mhmmmm, you’re it for me. You know that. Mine in every life.”

#greta van fic #greta van fleet #greta van smut #josh kiskza fanfic #josh kiszka #jmk #jmk x reader #gvf #josh gvf #jake gvf #sammy gvf #danny gvf #josh kiszka x reader #gvf smut #greta van fleet fan fiction

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sissylittlefeather · 3 months

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How the Web Was Woven: Chapter 13

A/N: Woof. This one took me a minute. Also, it's a short bridge-type chapter, but don't worry. Next chapter will be LONG and JUICY. This is just a necessary part of the story. Please don't give up on us! ICYMI this is the soulmate/time travel AU between Elvis and a fem!reader.

Need to catch up? Here's my Masterlist.

Warnings: cussing and angst (a smut-free chapter?! Who am I?! Don't worry. It's coming soon and they will be too 😏)

Word count: ~1.9k

"Why didn't she come for me?"

******

Elvis spends the next few weeks anxiously waiting for you to show up somewhere. It's clear his mind is elsewhere. Everyone around him notices that something is off, but he won't tell anyone what's going on. He just prowls around like a caged animal, nervous and waiting for something that no one understands. He goes back to Memphis before he has to be back in Vegas in August to film his concert documentary. The only thing that gets him out of his room is Lisa Marie. Otherwise, he mopes around or stays inside.

What no one knows is he's grieving. He's pretty sure he's lost you and his son too. The pain almost overwhelms him and he has a hard time living in his real life. He finds solace in music and spends a lot of time at the piano playing a whole catalogue of new songs. His favorite, though, is a song produced by the Beatles' record label, and he eventually asks to record it later that summer. It ends up on his album for the documentary That's the Way It Is and even makes it into a rehearsal scene with him playing it on the piano and singing. For some reason, the song makes him think of you, so he sings it as often as he can.

Even though it begins to look like he's back to himself, the pain of losing you is omnipresent. He resigns himself to the fact that he will likely never see you or his son ever again. As such, he leans into the documentary and even does a photo shoot with Priscilla over Thanksgiving to try to rekindle the affection he feels for her.

But he still feels like part of his soul has gone missing. It's the same old feeling he always has when he's away from you for too long, but this time it settles in his chest and becomes a part of him. 1970 slips into 1971 and he does his best to move on. 1971 slips into 1972 and he throws himself into work and lets his relationship with Priscilla sour. She moves out and he has a hard time even caring, except that she took Lisa Marie and it just twists the dagger of having already lost one child. There are other girls, like there always have been, but they never fill the void that you leave. He has a you-shaped hole in his heart that no amount of sex or romance or even love can fill. 1972 slides by, he films Elvis on Tour, and he plays shows across the United States. He plays Vegas again and then tours again, hoping that by keeping himself busy he'll notice your absence less.

Finally, he prepares for the Aloha from Hawaii concert that will be broadcast across the world. He tries to get back into peak physical shape and does everything he can to throw himself fully into this concert. In the process, he squashes the last hope of you ever showing up again. It's been three years.

You're gone.

******

Covid hits strong in 2020 and your world gets upended. You learn to work from home, host zoom call happy hours with your friends (even though you're pregnant and can't drink), and wear a mask anytime you're in public, which isn't often. In September, you give birth (alone and in a mask) to your daughter and name her Erin Love. She's perfectly healthy and looks so much like her brother you think you've given birth to his twin. And again you weep. Elvis is missing this and you know it'll break him if he ever finds out.

2020 fades into 2021 and you still can't risk going out with a baby. Every time you start to think it might be safe, a new strain or variant shows up and the world cowers in fear again. Vegas opens, but you're terrified, both of traveling and of the possibility of sending Covid back to 1971.

So, you wait. You wait and you wait and you keep waiting until your baby is old enough and the virus seems to slow down. Still, Vegas, with its masses of people, seems too risky. Finally, in December of 2022 you have an idea. You start making plans to head to Hawaii with both kids and your mom in January of 2023. Hawaii is much more secluded and you know exactly where he will be.

When you ask your mom to come with you, she wants to know why. This is going to be a very expensive vacation and she's not sure why you need her. You sit on her couch trying to decide just how much you should tell her. Eventually, you settle on something very close to the truth.

"John is there. We haven't seen each other in three years." You look down at the ring on your finger.

"I was starting to wonder if he still existed."

"I'm not even sure he'll want to see me..." You look at the ceiling to try to stop yourself from crying, but it doesn't work and the tears come sliding down your face.

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sure he does. He loves you."

"I hope so." She pulls you into a hug.

"I will go with you. I'll watch the kids so you two can get reacquainted."

"Thank you, mom."

Once she agrees to go with you, you drop an ungodly amount of money to stay in his suite and pack up both kids to fly to the islands. You decide not to tell John Jessie why you're going, just in case it doesn't work out. He's almost 6 now and he asks about his daddy damn near everyday. Somehow, he remembers him despite the fact that it's been almost 3 years since he's seen him. Erin's too little to ask questions. She doesn't even know she has a daddy, which breaks your heart every time you think about it.

******

After a rehearsal, Elvis heads to his suite to rest. He's 100% invested in what he's doing. But out of nowhere, he thinks of you again. He hums the song he's designated as yours and goes to work changing out of his jumpsuit.

He's got the zipper all the way down when he hears a sound that makes his heart stop. There it is, the old familiar buzzing. He hasn't heard it in so long. He turns slowly, sees the portal, and practically runs through it without thinking about the fact that he has no clothes packed and is wearing a jumpsuit.

******

When Elvis comes through the portal, he stops and stares at you. He's so in shock that he doesn't know how to respond. Your mouth pops open in awe of him standing there in the American Eagle jumpsuit fully unzipped. He looks better than you could've imagined. Obviously, you've seen the footage, but it really didn't do him justice. He zips it back up and gives you a hard stare.

"It's been three fucking years, y/n."

"I know-" You don't get any further though because John Jessie comes bounding into the room. He runs to Elvis and jumps on him. He's supposed to be napping with your mom in one of the bedrooms.

"Daddy! I heard you!" Elvis grabs him and holds him tightly.

"Heyyy buddy, I missed you so much!" You can tell he's trying hard not to cry. You look nervously towards the bedroom. If your mom sees him in this jumpsuit, it'll be impossible to explain.

"Bubby, where's your grandma?"

"She's asleep." You breathe easier and John Jessie turns back to his daddy. He launches into a monologue that only a 5-year-old can follow, but Elvis sits with him on the couch and listens attentively. You stand and watch the scene and Elvis glances at you every once in a while.

After about 15 minutes, you hear Erin cry from the room where she is taking her nap. Elvis looks up at you, shocked.

"Who is that?"

"That's my sister. She's little still." John Jessie answers knowingly. Elvis's head swivels to you so fast.

"Sister?" You nod and duck out of the room to grab Erin before her crying wakes your mom up. When you come back, Elvis looks at both of you and his eyes are shiny with tears. "Is she-?"

"She's yours." He stands up and immediately takes her from you.

"What's her name?"

"Erin Love."

"Love? Like my..." He trails off and looks at her lovingly.

"Yes. Like your mother." He holds her to himself and looks up at the ceiling, trying not to cry. He pulls back and looks at her again while she babbles to him.

"Baby, do you know I'm your daddy?" She looks up at him.

"Daddy?"

"Yes!" She smiles widely and he holds her close to him again. He looks at you incredulously.

"We have another baby."

"Yes, we do." He kisses her cheek and sets her down on the floor, turning to you. His eyes burn through you and he whispers angrily.

"Where the fuck have you been?! We have a daughter?!"

"Please, Elvis, I can explain."

"You better. I'm going to spend the evening with my kids, but you better have a damn good story when they go to bed."

You nod. How will you get him to understand Covid?

******

He changes into some clothes you have for him and helps you put the kids to bed. Despite not knowing the routine, he proves to be pretty helpful. You're amazed at how well John Jessie remembers him. Your mom seems to just know she should make herself scarce through the whole evening and stays in the room. Once you get both kids in bed, you sit on the couch facing him, heart pounding and stomach in knots. He looks at you with a mixture of sadness and anger.

"Tell me why, y/n."

"There is a new virus." You desperately try to explain everything that's happened over the last three years.

"So you couldn't come to me because of a cold virus?"

"Elvis, you don't understand. This was a global pandemic. Everything was closed and people all around the world were dying. They literally shut down Las Vegas."

"I've been other places." He responds, the anger in his voice obvious.

"I know, but I couldn't risk our kids. Or the possibility of you taking this virus back to your time. I finally feel safe here in Hawaii."

"I don't know, y/n, I'm glad you're okay and I'm especially excited to see the kids. But I thought I'd lost you. I buried you in my mind."

"Did you- did you move on?" For the first time, the reality that your marriage to Elvis might be over hits you in the gut and your eyes widen. Elvis isn't sure how to answer. He has a girlfriend, and technically another wife. But he looks at you sitting in front of him and can't help but feel the connection that's bound you together for over fifteen years. He wants to be angry so badly, but really all he is is sad. Sad that he missed the first two and a half years of his daughter's life. Sad that he went so long without all of you. Sad that you almost feel like a stranger now.

You sit on the couch staring at each other waiting for his answer.

******

Come back soon for Chapter 14!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @elvisfatass @elvisalltheway101 @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @rosepresley68 @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @that-hotdog @eddiesgirlforever @helen06dreamer @returntopresley @rjmartin11 @noirrose21-blog @tacozebra051 @deltafalax

#elvis presley fanfiction #elvis presley #elvis fanfic #elvis presley fic #elvis presley x reader #elvis #elvis x reader #elvis presley x y/n #elvis fic #elvis fanfiction #elvis x y/n #elvis x you #elvis presley fanfic #elvis presley x you #how the web was woven

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ekrubynaffit · 2 months

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Gonna get things off my chest post

So I haven't been very active in almost a year, and I can say because it's been a really horrible hard year for us. My eldest who is nearly 16 was attacked in June last year by a group of kids while he was out with his girlfriend celebrating their one year anniversary, he had his shoes stolen right off his feet and was whacked round the back of his head and one of the kids (there were 12-14 kids around just those 2) tried to force him up so they could all take a turn trying to beat him up. Since then he's been suffering from anxiety and depression and ptsd. He's gone missing in the dead of night twice and has said on multiple occasions he wants to end things. We are still in court proceedings as because of his footage the police were able to itendify these kids as the same group that have been doing calculated gay bashings to adult men and almost leaving them for dead at times. So far they have been charged with 11 of these hate crimes plus my sons, so it has been a very long stressful process for us! We are still waiting on counselling for him and are getting really desperate for help from the mental health sector.

Then just before christmas my husband had COVID and now has been diagnosed with long COVID, has been having heart and lung problems and a lot of lack of sleep and then to top it off, diagnosed with high cholestrol, and now they want to send him for tests for colon cancer. So thats a whole lot of new stress as we were told this at the start of the week.

Because of the stress my mental health has taken a toll and the final straw came for me when I sat watching a show and started bawling like I'd lost my best friend when a character died. So I went to the docs for medication which has been helping. To top that all off I have really bad back problems lately that I was sure was siatica but tests have shown absolutely nothing wrong, but yet the pain is indeed real!

So long story short, life is shit right now, and if anyone reading this feels like they are suffering mental health (or any health problem) please get it checked! If you have a lot on your plate and feeling the strain the first thing needed is to help yourself so you can be there for others!

So today I've finally had a chance to sit down and open my sims, its been almost a year and I found this build in the works, which is a reno of one of my first builds I ever uploaded to mts! Hopefully I can work on this more and get it finished!

Sorry for the big long story, I don't usually talk about my personal life here, but opening up the game made me realise I haven't used the sim as my stress relief in almost a year just wanted to share why I haven't been very active.

#Thats life #mental health is real #take mental health days #ask for help #you are not alone #its ok to not be ok #sims 2

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rationed-passion · 6 days

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The Long Read: On the couch with Rationed Passion

We've had a few insightful questions from a lovely devotee and proud trans non-binary who we've named Ana. Having previously done the requisite RP interview, Ana was keen to open up a bit more and our own trans icon, Ginger was happy to step in as amateur psychologist.

Hello Ana, do make yourself comfortable, and welcome back to Rationed Passion:

Thank you. Sorry, I’m going to be very in-and-out today, real life keeps intruding.

We hate it when that happens :-) We're so glad fully-clothed denial is working for you. But we're keen to hear about your gender journey:

Yeah, it's going to sound strange to some, but my gender journey is pretty typical I feel. At least for Americans today. When I caught COVID in 2020 it was the first time as an adult that I was free from work, school, or errands. Before this, I was raised in a very back-water rural area so I was a “man” in all sense of the word for my area. I had two jobs, was sexually prowling, and even a conservative!

Well some of our friends are conservatives. Not sure if they prowl. You have to love them regardless, and hey I did love P J O'Rourke. I'm not judging.

Well not long after I turned 20, I had to spend two weeks locked in a bedroom with my (now) wife to quarantine from the rest of the house. And after just two days I realized I wasn’t a man and that I was just playing the role that society and my family forced on me.

It was quite a time wasn't it? I'd come out to myself as trans just a couple of years before. It was very strange dialing back in my public persona, and trying to find my inner identity, again.

Well I didn’t know what I identified as then. But now I’m proud to identify as trans femme non-binary.

I'd really recommend our readers look that one up, because there are just so many shades of gender identity. And you and I occupy two distinct, very beautiful colours in a very diverse spectrum.

Only you girls could get away with being so flowery!

We're all pretty flowers, hun. But you have a couple of darker petals you'd like to share, don't you?

I also identify strongly with “bottom” it’s a very encompassing word for me. When i was a bi man, i was a bottom. And I still am on the bottom side of the D/s dynamic in my marriage.

We'd really like to explore that. So you're married - as you said - and your wife supports your gender and submissive identities. It really ought to be happily ever after, surely? Nice church wedding and all that?

You'd think ... but oh don’t get me started on the Church Trauma Drama lol. Let's just say it’s very not safe to be out in my area. I’m in one of those areas in the US where it is practically illegal to be trans in any real sense of the word. Like, laws against drag performers type shit. But Miss and her family are generally fine with me expressing myself.

Sigh. We forget how lucky we are even in these islands. But let's dig a little deeper. About being a "bottom". Give us a little insight:

I have yet to find me a group of friends. I'm still not quiet out of the closet in my life I'm afraid. Another thing with my journey is my relationship with my body and how I've always hated it. Though I'm coming around to it. So being a "bottom" fits with my feelings of self-esteem. You call me “Ana” which is fine by me! I go by Angel, or slut, or whore. You get the picture.

Oh, I see. I'd really kick against being called Slut or Whore (even when I behave like one). But do you like being called those? Or tolerate it for the scene?

It’s weirdly affirming. I know, weird, huh? To me it’s the same as “good girl.” It confirms I exist, and am perceived the way I feel and not the way I have to pretend to be upwards of 12 hours a day. It’s honestly as simple as that. If I take a liking to someone they can almost treat me like a dog and I’d be happy. I guess it stems from issues in my childhood, being an only child in a rural area, being alone like that. For not important reasons, neither of my parents really watched me after a certain age and I raised myself. But hey, that’s just me going into the psychology of it all.

Oooo - I do love the psychology angle, but I'm keen to bring this back to our shared love of fully clothed denial. So you're a "good girl"?

Good Girl is the best, honestly. I don’t really think my identity with being femme and my identity with being a bottom are connected. Back when I thought I was a guy, “good boy” had a very similar effect. I actually find a lot of the <ahem> “content” with trans women to be gross and fetishizing. Especially Sissy stuff. I don’t like sissy stuff, and I believe it’s more about the fetishizing of the way men perceive and pervert women, than it is anything else.

Look, we're very pleased to welcome Sissies to our blog and hold them as fellow sisters. But I do tend to agree - the "humiliation" of being dressed in girls clothes is just something I've never got. I have always loved wearing the most outrageously femme fashion.

Of course! I should add, I find no issue with cross dressing or like men wearing panties and things like that. Especially because I think playing with and reading gender roles in the bedroom is great.

Definitely! Now, you've also expressed an interest in hypnosis. This might be the point at which I hand you over to Vanilla.

It's true I do have a huge kink for hypnosis. But also i just love it as an art form. It’s something I've always been interested in as a little kid. I remember watching Teen Titans and coming to certain revelations lol.

Well Vanilla now has you on her list, so don't be surprised if she does some rather targeted inductions in the near future.

I can't wait!

Ana. you've been a lovely guest. Thank you for gracing our psych couch and we wish you every happiness.

Thank you. I hope I haven't offended anyone! Remember these are just one transbian’s opinions.

Don't you worry, hun. Welcome to the sisterhood.

#fully clothed denial #fully clothed #ask me anything #we are rationed passion

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dykehayleywilliams · 8 months

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may I ask about the mitski curse or is it secret knowledge

*LONG POST INCOMING* It all started in 2016.

I've been a Mitski fan since 2014 when First Love/Late Spring premiered on Stereogum and desperately wanted to see her live. The chance finally came after I moved to New York; I had tickets for her show in February 2016 at The Knitting Factory. But then. A freeze hit the city that weekend, resulting in a pipe in the shitty apartment bursting so I missed the show because I had to wait for the emergency repair guy to come by. Okay, well that's a bummer, I though. I've been waiting for almost two years to see Mitski but surely I'll get another chance. July 2016. I was living in Texas for the summer, a few hours away from Austin, where Mitski had a show scheduled. Perfect! I can drive up to the show! My old, barely functioning truck can handle the drive! It did not. My car broke down two hours outside Austin.

November 2016. Third try to see Mitski in a year is the charm, right? Oh wait, I waited too long to buy a flight to my grandma's for thanksgiving and I had to fly out the day of the Mitski show because every other flight was $500 more expensive.

By 2017 I was starting to get worried. I had tickets to see her April 2017, but I got horrific food poisoning and couldn't get out of bed for three days.

I didn't get another try until late 2018 on the Be The Cowboy tour during her 4 night residency at Brooklyn Steel. Except Mitski's popularity had blown up significantly and I couldn't get tickets when they went on sale the first three shows. BUT THEN a fourth show was added, on a Monday night, and I finally got tickets! Perfect! Until I had a final project for one of my classes scheduled the same night that I could not miss without failing the class, and I desperately tried to find tickets for another night but none were available for under $300.

At that point I was convinced: I was cursed. There were no tour dates I was even able to TRY to make, and then in September 2019 Mitski played Summer Stage (two weeks after I moved from New York) and announced it would indefinitely be her last live show.

October 2021: Mitski releases Working for the Knife and announces a tour. The closest tour date to where I was living was 8 hours away, but I fought for my life for tickets and was determined I would finally break the curse.

I got COVID two days before Mitski's Denver show in March 2022.

BUT WAIT! Mitski was announced as one of the openers for HSLOT's European stadium leg! And my friends and I planned a bar trip to Scotland that lined up with the weekend of Harry's show in Glasgow! Okay, maybe seeing Mitski as an opener at a stadium show isn't ideal, but I was desperate. Except, of course, the stadium entry was a complete mess, and we didn't get into the show until the very end of Mitski's set. I had finally seen her live, but for 8 minutes and at what cost.

I wasn't happy, but I told myself it wasn't the end of the world because I already had plans to see Mitski at the All Things Go festival in October, so redemption would come soon enough. Then Hurricane Ian hit and my flight to DC that had a layover in Orlando was cancelled the day before I was supposed to leave. At that point, there was nothing I could do but laugh. Why did I think it would go any differently this time? No. I couldn't take it anymore. I dropped wayyyyy too much money on a different flight to DC with no layover. That flight was delayed by 5 hours, but I made it. Nothing was going to stop me.

Mitski's set starts. We're in the pit, I'm 5'2" so I'm on my tip toes, straining my neck to keep my eyes on Mitski. And then. Everyone's BeReals went off during Francis Forever and the crowd became a sea of phones. I was crushed. I had broken the curse, but 9 years too late.

#SORRY you were definitely expecting a short answer but this is one of the fundamental pieces of my lore #so yep. that's the mitski curse.

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penmansparadise · 2 years

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Steve Harrington ~ As It Should Be

*I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF* *CREDIT TO THE GIF OWNER*

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader with Powers

Word Count: 8.2k

Warnings: S3 AND S4 SPOILERS. Mild language. Mentions of canon violence. Mentions of death. Kind of touches of PTSD or past trauma. Let me know if I missed any!

a/n: I am so sorry that this one took me forever to post!! I was battling COVID, which was not fun, and now I’m traveling. But here it is! This was requested from my Wattpad. I know I said this one was going to be two parts, but I didn’t want to do that. Every time I do that, I make my request list longer, and I’d like to reopen them at some point for those who have been asking me. So, instead, you get this 8.2k long story lol. Anyway, I really enjoyed writing this one even though it took me so long. Just to give you a little insight, the request asked that Y/N have powers like Wanda Maximoff except green, not red. So, I hope I delivered that and portrayed it properly. Because you all liked when I gave you a look into my playlist when I write, I thought I’d tell you what I listened to for this one. I literally listened to one song on repeat, so if you want to be put into the same frame of mind, you can listen to it as well while reading. Thanks to someone who put me onto the Disney movie Descendants after my rant about how amazing Thomas Doherty is, I have been obsessed with the song “If Only” from the first movie. So, if you want to be transported, put it on repeat and read this story lol. My next post will be the much anticipated Robin Buckley x Fem!Reader Smut!! I know you all have been waiting for that one. As always, I appreciate all the support, it really does mean a lot, and I hope you all enjoy!!

Bright green liquid coursed through your veins, searing every inch of your body. You writhed in pain as it consumed you. It was all you could see in the darkness. Traces of green pumping through you, stinging as they became visible even through your skin. Just the neon green liquid until Billy’s face emerged out of the dark. Your rapid beating heart slowed as you took in his smiling face. So familiar and comforting – his curls a mess as usual and his bare shoulders and toned arms peeking out from his white tank top. He was bright and happy, just as you always tried to remember him. But then his smile fell, and the shadows on his face turned too dark. You tried to reach out to him, but you couldn’t move. Billy’s figure began to slide back like he was being dragged away from you. The darkness turned into a purple hue, and suddenly and so quickly, Billy was being impaled by the Mind Flayer.

His blood seeped through his shirt, staining its white fabric. Billy’s lips were parted, and you watched as the same tar-like substance from his chest dripped from his mouth. Your breathing quickened again as your surroundings grew clearer. You were standing in the Starcourt Mall, watching the life in your boyfriend’s eyes disappear for a second time. Max’s screams peeled through the air, echoing in your brain. You looked around, but she was nowhere to be found. You were alone. Your heart raced in your chest as you desperately tried to move toward his limp body, but your feet wouldn’t budge. It was like you were stuck in quicksand. Your heavy breathing and Max’s high-pitched screams filled your ears as you willed your legs to move. Tears filled your eyes. You tried to shout his name, but nothing came out. Panic began to rise in your chest as you tried again and again to no avail. You stared at Billy, helpless, until everything slowly began to fade away. All you could see was a familiar shade of green until your eyes shot open.

You sat up where you were, panting. Sweat beaded on your forehead as you finally took in where you were. Your pillows were exactly where you put them the night before, and your blanket was thrown haphazardly over your legs. Photos of you and your friends and posters of your favorite bands covered your walls. You let out a sigh when you realized you were in your room. You lay back on your pillows. Nightmares were the norm for you and have been for over a year. You shut your eyes, trying to steady your breathing, when your alarm went off, causing you to jump. The shrill sound went on for a few moments before you reached over, shut it off, and got out of bed.

Right after you graduated, you got a job at the local diner waitressing. After everything that happened last year, you couldn’t bring yourself to ship off to college. There was just too much to take care of, and you just didn’t feel right leaving. So, instead, you opted to get a job and live with your parents. It was anything but ideal, but it was what had to happen.

Once you were dressed in your uniform, you grabbed a change of clothes and headed out. When you reached the diner, you were on autopilot. Get out of the car. Drop bag off in locker. Clock in and start the day. You had been on autopilot since you got the job last year. The steady regiment of waitressing was the only thing keeping you from completely falling apart. You were in your own little world behind the counter until your coworker tapped your shoulder.

“Hey,” she said, gaining your attention. “You have another table.”

You furrowed your eyebrows.

“What?” You began, already annoyed, as you turned toward the tables. “But I’m already-”

You stopped short when you saw Steve sitting in one of the booths. It felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room as you stared at his back. Although you didn’t want it to, your heart nonetheless reacted to the sight of him. You could feel it flutter to life for a brief second before you tore your eyes from him.

“He specifically asked for you,” your coworker said, her voice a little too chipper for your liking.

You turned back toward the tables and let out a breath before squaring your shoulders and moving toward Steve. It had been over a year since you actually spoke to him, which was really sad considering you used to be inseparable. You met each other when you were children, and an immediate bond formed. As the years moved forward, your friendship only grew. The only problem for you was that it wasn’t only a friendship that formed. Much to your dismay, you began to develop feelings for Steve, and by the time you two reached high school, you had a full-blown crush on the boy. You couldn’t help the way your heart skipped a beat when Steve was around or how his smile gave you butterflies. For years, you waited for Steve to show in some way that he reciprocated your feelings, and when he didn’t, you forced yourself to move on.

When Billy and Max moved to Hawkins, you and Billy hit it off pretty quickly. Unlike the other girls at school, you didn’t throw yourself at the boy. In fact, you ignored him for the most part until he found you sitting in the corner of the library one day. You were fully expecting him to be an ass, but he turned out to be sweet. For a few months, he tried to get with you, but you were holding out hope that maybe Steve would come around. But after a while, you had to face reality and gave in to Billy’s woos. You liked Billy. He took care of you and showed you so much affection despite the lack of love he had at home. But even though you grew to love Billy, it was never the same. Your feelings for Steve were always lingering in the back of your mind.

Your relationship with Billy was great. But you only got to enjoy him for a short period of time before the Mind Flayer consumed him. At first, you didn’t know what was going on. Billy began to push you away and get violent. He stopped taking you out and didn’t want to be around you. You thought that it was something you had done until Max told you everything. She sat you down with the rest of the group and explained about the Upside Down and the horrors that lived there. She told you that Billy was just possessed and that he would be alright because they were going to find a way to fix him. But they were wrong. Instead of fixing him, you watched as the Mind Flayer took his life in the middle of the Starcourt Mall, and since then, you’ve been haunted by the memory.

It was after the death of Billy that things between you and Steve began to change. You distanced yourself from the whole group. You didn’t want to talk to anyone or be with any of them. Any time Robin or Steve would try and reach you, you came up with some excuse about being sick or having too much schoolwork. You could see that they were hurt that you were pushing yourself away, but it was the only thing you could do to protect yourself. Even though he wasn’t the one, you loved Billy, and you had to watch him die in the most painful way. You knew that the Upside Down wasn’t going anywhere and if your friends and the man you love still wanted to be involved with it, you couldn’t be around them. If you had to watch any of them die the way you watched Billy die, you would break. So, although it pained you to be away from them, you did what was best for yourself.

Your hands began to shake just slightly the closer you got toward Steve. Even after all those years, your body still reacted the same way to him. Your heart rate picked up, and goosebumps pricked your skin. As you got closer, you realized Steve wasn’t alone. Sitting across from him was a familiar head of curls, and you couldn’t help the small smile that pulled at your lips at the sight of the young boy. When Dustin saw you, he perked up in his seat. You continued to round the table, and when you finally stood between the two of them, your and Steve’s eyes met. You sucked in a quick breath. It felt like you were punched in the gut. It had been so long since you were this close to him and every part of you wanted to fall into his arms. Steve’s lips parted as the two of you just stared at each other for a moment.

“Y/N,” he whispered, and you smiled.

“Hi, Steve.”

You held his gaze until Dustin waved his hand in front of you. You jumped a little as you snapped back to reality.

“And Dustin,” the curly-haired boy said, “I’m here too, you know?”

You chuckled and were happy to see that he hadn’t changed in the year you had been away.

“Hi, Dustin. It’s good to see you too.”

Dustin gave Steve a smug grin and you rolled your eyes as you pulled your notebook from your apron.

“So,” you began, flipping open the notebook and holding your pen, “what can I get you two?”

The smile on Dustin’s face faltered, and he slowly turned his attention to Steve. An uneasy feeling settled in your stomach as the silence grew. When Steve didn’t say anything, Dustin turned to face you again with a nervous laugh.

“Um, well, funny thing,” he rubbed the back of his neck and dropped your stare. “Uh, we’re not actually here to eat.”

Your grip on your pen tightened, and your eyes widened just slightly. You tried to tell yourself they weren’t there for what you thought they were there for. They knew you were still coping with Billy’s death. They wouldn’t try and drag you back into that world. Not after that. But the longer Dustin and Steve avoided your eye contact, the more that thought faded. As you dropped your arms to your sides, your foot began to tap rapidly.

“Then what are you here for?”

You pulled your lips into a tight line when Dustin finally met your stare again and said, “You, Y/N.”

The words hit you like a body blow, and you stepped away from the table, shaking your head.

“No,” you said, doing your best to control your heavy beating heart.

Dustin scooted to the edge of the bench, but when you stepped back again, he froze and put his hands up.

“Y/N, listen. There’s this…monster, and we need-”

“Is it from the Upside Down?” You asked.

Dustin’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Well, yeah,” he said with a light laugh, “where else would it be from?”

You crossed your arms over your chest.

“Then no.”

Dustin’s mouth fell ajar as he looked between Steve to you. He scoffed.

“You didn’t even let me finish!”

“Dustin, the answer is no. I’m not getting involved again. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a job to do.”

You didn’t give him a chance to reiterate. Instead, you swiftly turned on your heel and began walking back toward the counter. You could hear Dustin scoff again.

“Wha-Steve! Do something!” He all but shouted at Steve.

But you didn’t stop. Tears were already welling in your eyes at the mere thought of seeing anything from that horrible place again. Your stomach twisted at the possibility of losing somebody else close to you. You couldn’t do it. So, you kept moving until the familiar feeling of Steve’s hand grabbing yours stopped you in your tracks.

“Y/N, wait.”

You turned to face him, only to be met with his warm and comforting brown eyes. Even after so many years, they still cut through all your anxiety and made you feel safe. Steve didn’t let go of your hand as he closed the gap between the two of you just slightly. It had been so long since you had been that close to him, and you couldn’t help the way your breath hitched at the proximity.

“We can’t do this without you,” he said, his voice low so only you could hear.

Tears clogged your throat as you stared at him. Your bottom lip began to quiver, so you bit down on it and shook your head.

“Steve, I can’t. Not after…”

You trailed off when your voice cracked. Steve dropped your hand and cupped your cheeks, forcing you to look at him.

“Hey, hey, I know it’s been hard. I see the way Max is, and I can only imagine how you’re feeling. But we need you, Y/N. We can’t defeat this thing and end all of this without you.”

At first, you didn’t say anything. Instead, you just held his stare. You thought you had left all of this behind you. It didn’t matter that the monsters of the Upside Down were still alive. After Billy, you told yourself that you wouldn’t get involved again. But now Steve was standing with his hands on your face, staring at you with those eyes like a warm fire on a Christmas morning, and you were melting. You knew you should have told him no and walked away. But you couldn’t. So, you didn’t. Steve never once broke the stare until you finally nodded.

“Fine,” you said. “So, we can end this once and for all.”

Steve’s face split into a wide smile before he pulled you into a hug. Your heart skipped a beat at the feeling of his body pressed against yours. You took a long breath and relished his scent of Mahogany and vanilla. Your eyes shut just briefly as you relaxed into Steve’s touch, something you hadn’t done for a very long time.

“So, you’re in?” Dustin asked, causing you and Steve to nearly jump apart.

You flattened your apron, and Steve ran a hand through his hair, neither of you looking at the other. So, you turned your attention to Dustin.

“Yeah, I’m in.”

“Great,” Dustin said with a thumbs up. “After your shift, Steve and I will pick you up and fill you in so you’re ready for tonight.”

Your eyes widened.

“Tonight? Wait, hold on. You didn’t say-and what about my car?”

“You already said you’re in, so you can’t back out now, and your car will be here after we kill Vecna.”

You shook your head and put your hands up.

“Wait. Vecna?”

Dustin just waved you off.

“I’ll explain later. Steve, lets’ go.”

Dustin didn’t wait for Steve before he showed himself out of the diner. Steve shook his head with a sigh before turning toward you.

“When does your shift end?”

“Seven.”

Steve’s lips pulled upward just slightly.

“Then I guess I’ll see you at seven.”

You stood frozen in place as you waved goodbye and watched Steve exit the diner. When he was gone, you forced yourself to get back to work, but you could hardly focus. All you could think about was what was to come. Although it had been over a year since your last encounter with anything related to the Upside Down, you were still traumatized. You weren’t sure you were even ready to see all of your friends, let alone deal with a monster. But you had already committed, and before you knew it, your shift had come to an end. After grabbing your bag from your locker and clocking out, you changed out of your uniform and walked out to the parking lot. There were only a few cars, so it was hard to miss Steve’s. He was leaning against the passenger side, and when he saw you approaching, he quickly opened the door for you. You dipped your head as you got in.

“Thanks.”

A tiny blush crept onto Steve’s cheeks as he gave you a shy smile.

“Yeah, of course.”

Once he shut your door, he climbed into the driver’s side and, within seconds, began driving. You weren’t sure where the final destination was, but it didn’t matter. Dustin gave you every detail of what was going on. He told you that you were going to meet up with everyone in an RV. He told you about the deaths of the Hawkins High students and how they were connected. He told you about the monster named Vecna and how he’s been in charge the whole time. He even told you that Max was his next victim, and you could feel your heart almost shatter. He explained that the plan was to kill Vecna and said that if everything went right, his reign of terror would end that night. By the time Steve’s car came to a stop behind the RV, you were all caught up on what had been happening since you had been gone.

You followed Steve and Dustin to the RV. Something about the silence was ominous. At that moment, you knew that everything was on the line. Dustin opened the door, and you followed him inside. The conversation that was taking place ceased as all eyes landed on you. It was surreal to be looking at your group of friends again. At first, no one moved until Robin jumped up from where she sat and pulled you into a tight embrace. You couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled out of you as her arms tightened.

“Hey, Robin.”

“I’ve missed you so much. Do you know that?” She asked into the crook of your neck. She released you, and a smile spread across her whole face.

“It’s really difficult dealing with him all by myself,” she said, motioning toward Steve.

The two of you shared a laugh then hugged Nancy and waved at Eddie before moving to lean your hip against the tiny counter. Nancy began going over the plan one more time for good measure. As she started speaking, Steve moved behind you, and you leaned back into his chest as if on instinct. His hands moved down the length of your arms, causing goosebumps to rise on your skin.

“You know, I missed you too,” he whispered into your ear. “Like a lot.”

You turned your head to look at him.

“Well, I’m back now.”

Steve’s face was much closer than before, making your heart race. His hands slid down your arms until his fingers brushed over yours.

“For good?”

You gave him a small smile.

“We’ll see.”

You don’t know how long the two of you stayed like that. Had there been enough time, you probably would have stayed that way for the rest of the evening. It had been so long since you felt normal and safe. But being around Steve again felt like home, and feelings you always had for him were reigniting within you with a vengeance. You were starting to think that pushing him away last year was a mistake, but there was no time to dwell on that. The sound of the RV door creaking open and the group hustling out of it pulled you from your reverie. You moved first, followed by Steve, and soon you were walking toward Eddie’s trailer.

Eddie led the way into his home, and when you entered, you froze. The gate to the Upside Down covered the ceiling of Eddie’s living room. You could feel the anxiety from before trying to claw its way out of you. However, Steve didn’t waste any time as he grabbed ahold of the sheet hanging from the gate and climbed his way into the Upside Down. Everyone looked at you next, and you swallowed down your fear before following Steve’s lead. You climbed up the sheet until you were flipped and fell to the ground, landing on your two feet. You moved to the side, and Steve gave you a small smile before Nancy fell through the gate. You watched as he offered her his hand and pulled her to her feet. Much to your chagrin, your heart clenched when his hand lingered in hers for a beat too long. You turned away and moved to the corner of the room as Robin, Eddie, and Dustin fell through the gate. Everyone began gathering their weapons and bags, but you remained glued to the corner you put yourself in. Your eyes followed Steve and Nancy when Eddie blocked your view. He was messing with his belt, then tightening his bandana over his head, and you furrowed your eyebrows at him.

“I wouldn’t worry about them if I were you,” he said without even looking at you.

“What?”

Eddie stopped what he was doing, finally meeting your stare with a crooked smile.

“Steve and Nancy? You were literally just staring at them.”

You opened and closed your mouth several times in an attempt to come up with some excuse, but when nothing came to you, you just dropped your eyes. Eddie chuckled and patted your arm.

“It’s okay. I can tell you with almost 100% certainty,” he stopped and started tilting his head from side to side. “Okay, maybe like 97%, that Harrington’s not into Wheeler.”

You crossed your arms over your chest and raised your brow at him.

“And why do you say that?”

“Because,” Eddie said, leaning against the wall next to you, “he wouldn’t shut up about you the whole time we were formulating the plan.”

Your shoulders relaxed, and your arms fell to your sides.

“What?”

“Yeah,” Eddie began with a laugh, “the guy was determined to get you back. I thought he meant you two were already an item the way he was talking. Turns out, good ole Stevie over there buried himself so deep into the friend zone he can’t seem to dig himself back out.”

Your mouth fell ajar, and you let out a little breath.

“I-I don’t…”

When you didn’t finish your sentence, Eddie just waved it off.

“It’s cool,” he said. “But believe me when I say he’s definitely not into Wheeler.”

Before you could say anything back to him, Eddie was already walking back toward the group. You watched him start goofing around with Dustin, and a small smile tugged at your lips. You never really knew Eddie Munson, but you could tell he was going to be a regular around your friends, and after his reassurance, you didn’t mind one bit. After several minutes, you finally pushed yourself off the wall to rejoin everyone. Steve, Robin, and Nancy were huddled next to the door.

“You ready to go?” Robin asked you, and you nodded.

You all bid Eddie and Dustin farewell before exiting the trailer and heading out into the Upside Down.

Robin and Nancy led the way through the dark woods while you and Steve marched along behind them. Neither of you spoke for a while, the only sounds coming from the hidden creatures of the Upside Down. But then Steve nudged you with his arm.

“I’m glad you came,” he said, earning a smile from you.

“Yeah, me too. It’s nice to have the gang back together.”

Steve helped you over a fallen log and chuckled.

“Robin wouldn’t stop talking about you. I mean, it was like she was bringing you up every five minutes.”

A smirk pulled at your lips as you looked over at Steve.

“I’m told she’s not the only one who had that issue.”

Steve nodded and laughed.

“Oh, yeah, Dustin too.” He opened and closed his hand as he continued. “Blah blah blah. Always.”

“I’m talking about you, Steve.”

His face fell.

“Huh?”

You were trying to contain the giggles that were threatening to burst out of you but failing miserably.

“Someone told me I was all you could talk about while you guys were coming up with this plan.”

Steve scoffed and shook his head.

“Unbelievable. I’m gonna kick Henderson’s ass.”

You let out a laugh. Although you didn’t know Eddie too well yet, you weren’t going to tell Steve it was actually he who provided that information, not Dustin.

“So, you’re not denying it?”

“Well,” Steve began, running a hand through his fluffy hair, “no. I’m not.”

He stopped walking and took your hand to stop you as well. The lighthearted air that was once present was replaced with something more serious.

“Y/N, you have to understand I really missed you.”

You swallowed. You wanted to tell Steve that you missed him too. You wanted to tell him that even though you all are walking into an incredibly dangerous situation, you had never been surer in your life that you made a mistake by distancing yourself from him. But you knew Steve wasn’t done. He let out a breath and dropped his head for a beat before meeting your eyes again.

“After last year, you distanced yourself from us. From me. You’re my best friend, and you just disappeared. I felt like I had no one. Like you were gone too. And it was the worst pain I’d ever felt. So, I used this plan as a way to get you back. And now that you’re here, I don’t ever want to lose you again.”

You could see the pain in his face as he stared at you with intent and shook his head.

“I can’t, Y/N. I can’t go through that again. I-I-”

“Hey, guys!” Nancy’s voice echoed off the bare trees around you. “The house is just around the corner. Come on!”

You looked in Nancy and Robin’s direction, then back at Steve. You could see on his face that something nagging at him. And you waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. Instead, he released your hand and began to move toward Nancy and Robin. But before he could get too far, you reached out and took hold of his arm, forcing him to turn toward you again.

“What were you gonna say?”

Steve’s mouth opened, but he didn’t say anything. He closed it, cleared his throat, and shook his head.

“Later. Let’s get this done first.”

You let go of him and watched him walk toward the other two in your party. A part of you wanted to scream at him to tell you what you hoped he was going to say. You didn’t know if there was going to be a later or tomorrow or next year. If even the slightest thing went wrong with this plan, you could all be dead, and you would never know. But you held yourself together and joined the rest of them at the edge of the wood.

All four of you watched and waited for Erica to give the signal, and when she did, you all left the woods behind and walked toward the house. It looked menacing, with the dark clouds hanging low over the building. When you entered, nothing changed. Black vines littered the floors and walls, and they climbed and wrapped themselves around the railings and light fixtures. Nancy began going up the stairs, and you all followed behind her. You all carefully made your way up the stairs until you were gathered on the second floor. Through another door on the far wall, you could see flashing lights and could hear thunder rumbling louder than before. You nodded toward the door.

“He’s in there?” You asked no one in particular.

Robin nodded and moved to stand next to you.

“Yep. You ready?”

You gave her a weak smile and looked to Nancy to lead the rest of the way. But just before she could take another step, the house began to shake. You looked at the others. By the looks on their faces, it was clear that an earthquake was not something they had accounted for. The shaking grew more violent, sending you bumping into Robin. It felt as if the whole building was going to get sucked into the ground. You and Robin grabbed hold of each other in an attempt to steady yourselves, but it didn’t work. Instead, you fell back into Steve, and Robin had to take several steps to regain her footing. The shaking continued, and just when you thought that was going to be the end, it stopped suddenly. Steve’s arms were around you, holding you steady, and your hands were holding onto Robin. For a second, you all waited for something to happen, and when it didn’t, you relaxed, letting out a collective breath. But then the sound of something slithering along the floor gained your attention.

“Oh, no,” Robin said before she went flying against the wall.

The vines crawled over her body, restraining her. She sucked in a shallow breath.

“Steve! Nancy! Y/N! Help!”

Without a second guess, you all moved toward Robin. You grabbed the vine on her wrist and began pulling as hard as you could. But it didn’t matter how hard you yanked on them; the vines were not moving. You kept trying when, out of the corner of your eye, you saw a vine reach up and grab Steve. When you turned toward him, his body went flying across the room until it slammed into the wall.

“No,” you breathed out. “Steve!”

Fear was a wild thing inside of you as you tried to run toward Steve. But before you could get close, a vine grabbed your ankle, sending you toppling to the floor and knocking the wind out of you. You only got a brief look at it before you were being dragged back toward the wall Robin was on. Your nails dug into the floor as you got pulled farther and farther away from Steve.

“Let me go!” You shouted just as you looked up to see Nancy getting flung against the wall next to Steve.

You kept fighting, but soon you were being pressed against the wall as well. The vines wrapped around your wrists, ankles, and soon your throat. You looked at your friends as panic began to settle in your gut. The vines were growing tighter and tighter, and there was nothing you could do to get them off. Your eyes landed on Steve, and you could feel tears welling in your eyes as you watched the vines choke him. His hands clawed at his throat as he gasped for air. All the fear you were suppressing began to boil over. You were going to have to watch yet another person you loved die in front of you. Your breathing was shallow and erratic as you closed your eyes. Several images and moments in your life played in your mind. You could see Billy dying all over again, the Mind Flayer’s arm sticking straight out of his chest. Then, images of Robin and you filled your head. You saw the first time she slept over at your house when you two laughed for hours. You saw her waving to you during a marching band performance and getting in trouble with the band director. Then, images of Nancy appeared. You saw Nancy practicing her interview skills with you in her bedroom. You saw the two of you hugging after graduating. Then, you saw Steve. You saw a young Steve walking you home from school. You saw Steve’s head in your lap while you watched scary movies on a Friday night. Then you saw the look in his eyes when he first saw you in the diner earlier that day. All the adoration and emotion playing so clearly on his face. It was all so clear in your mind.

Anger began to bubble up inside of you where fear once was. This monster, this place, took one important person from you and has terrorized the people you’re closest to for the last time. Your body began to tingle, and suddenly the images in your mind disappeared. You saw green coursing through your veins again, and then you were back in the secret Russian elevator.

“Erica, be careful!” Robin’s voice echoed in your head and was followed by a loud shattering sound.

Glass was everywhere, and your body burned. When you looked down at your hands, the mystery green goo covered them. The image faded into green, buzzing faster and faster through your body. It felt like you were on fire as the green goo burned its way through you. Your breathing quickened as your body began to tremble. All you could see was the green moving its way through every inch of you. Then, as if it were miles away, you could hear someone calling your name. It was choked and weak, and suddenly you were transported back to reality. Your eyes shot open and were burning a blazing green.

“Let. Me. Go!” You shouted before bursting through the vines.

A bright green aura surrounded you as you floated in the air. You turned toward Robin and used your hands to throw a green ball of energy at the vines restraining her. The vines screeched as you destroyed them one by one, sending Robin falling to the floor. Then, you quickly turned and did the same thing for Nancy and then Steve. Once they were all safely on the floor, they stared up at your floating figure for a beat before you slowly descended back to their level. When your feet hit the floor, the green aura that surrounded you disappeared, and your eyes returned to their normal color. Everyone stared at you in silence until Robin laughed.

“What the hell just happened?”

You looked down at your palms in awe. Although the green was no longer there, you could feel the power pumping through you. You could feel it buzzing through your veins, mixing with your blood. It was who you were now.

“Am I the only one confused right now!?” Robin shouted, throwing her arms in the air.

“No, no,” Steve said, placing a hand on her shoulder, “I’m right there with you.”

The three of them stared at you, and you just shook your head.

“Remember last year when we were stuck in that elevator, and Erica got that green goo on me? We thought nothing happened, but I guess something did.”

You looked back at your hands, flipping them over a couple of times. Robin laughed again and grabbed her head.

“How are you just now figuring this out!?”

You shrugged.

“There was nothing to unleash it until now.”

They all stared at you for another beat before you motioned toward the door behind them.

“Shall we finish this thing?”

Nancy nodded.

“Phase four. Let’s do this.”

Robin and Nancy walked toward the door, and when Steve went to follow, you grabbed his hand, stopping him.

“Steve, wait.”

When he turned to look at you, you froze. It was time. Vecna was waiting mere feet away from you two, and there was no telling whether you would survive him or not. After years of running and hiding your feelings from Steve, you couldn’t let him run into this fight without doing something. So, without thinking any more about what you were doing, you grabbed the back of his head and pulled his lips to yours. Steve reciprocated the kiss immediately, releasing your hand to grab ahold of your face to deepen the kiss. His lips danced over yours to a rhythm you never wanted to forget. His thumbs pressed into your cheeks, but you welcomed the slight sting. You wanted to commit the feeling of his hands and lips on you to memory so you would remember it forever. Before the kiss could get any more heated, you pulled back. Your and Steve’s breathing was both a little labored as you held each other’s gaze.

“I’ve always wanted to do that, so I’m doing it now just in case,” you shrugged, “you know, we die.”

You didn’t give Steve a chance to say anything back. Instead, you let go of him and walked over to Nancy and Robin, putting yourself between them and the door.

“Let me take the lead on this,” you said.

Nancy looked at you dumbfounded.

“But-”

“I’ve got it.”

You start walking up the stairs, each step careful and calculated. The anger inside of you grew the closer you got to Vecna. All the sadness that you once harbored in your heart was replaced with a fury that you were ready to unleash. You could feel the power you possessed getting stronger the more you focused on Vecna. When you took the final step and entered the attic, he finally came into view. He was suspended in the air with vines poking out of him. The second all four of you were in the room, his eyes opened, and you stepped forward. You could feel your power coursing through you, and you shut your eyes for a minute to gather yourself. When you reopened them, they were that same incandescent green from before.

Vecna didn’t say anything. He just watched as you took another step closer toward him. Your anger was a wild beast inside you as you stared at the monster that killed Billy and almost killed all of your friends.

“You ruined my life,” you said through gritted teeth.

He lowered himself to the floor.

“I don’t even know who you are.”

Your hands began to glow green as you said, “You will.”

Then, you lifted yourself off the floor, floating in the air, surrounded by that green aura again. Then, you started grabbing furniture with your powers and sent them flying toward Vecna. First a chair, then a desk, and finally a dresser. Vecna used his vines to block each article you sent his way, only enraging you more. You let out a guttural scream before you started to throw green balls of energy at him. Anger was starting to consume you as you threw ball after ball. Just like the furniture, Vecna used his vines to block each of your attacks. You stopped for a brief second, and at that moment, Vecna sent his vines to grab you. But just before they could latch onto your arms and legs, you crouched down and used your powers to stop them. You groaned as you pushed up into a standing position, then let out another scream as you obliterated them. You squared your shoulders and grabbed hold of Vecna with your powers, lifting him back into the air. You forced his arms to stretch out next to him, earning a pained groan from him. Then, you turned back to the group and shouted, “Now, Robin!”

Robin walked up next to you, lit a Molotov cocktail, and threw it at Vecna. You watched him erupt into flames before dropping him. When he landed, Nancy moved up front with you and Robin, cocked her shotgun, and fired. The loud bang vibrated your whole body. She reloaded, then shot again. You all watched as Vecna stumbled back further and further. Then, Nancy reloaded and took the final shot, sending Vecna crashing through the window and plummeting toward the ground. You all stood there for a minute, staring at the shattered window, until the ground below you began to shake again.

“You guys, I think it’s time to go,” Robin said, taking several steps toward the door.

Nancy holstered her shotgun on her back, then followed Robin, and Steve didn’t give you another moment to contemplate. He took your hand in his and practically dragged you down the stairs. When the four of you made it out of the house, Vecna’s body was lying right where he fell, motionless. Although the ground was still shaking, you stopped and took a moment to look at him, realization finally setting in. It was finally over. Vecna was dead, and you didn’t have to worry about the Upside Down ever again. A tiny laugh fell from your lips. After so much pain and suffering, it was finally over. The ground gave another violent jolt, and Steve tugged on your arm. You took a final look at Vecna before walking away.

The walk back to Eddie’s trailer turned into a run as the earth beneath you began to shake harder and harder. When you finally made it, Eddie and Dustin came running out into the road.

“Did you do it? Did it work?” Eddie asked frantically.

“Yeah,” Dustin added, “why is the ground shaking all of a sudden?”

Nancy proudly stood in front of them and nodded.

“It worked. Vecna is dead.”

The two boys let out a sigh before pulling each other into a wild embrace. You all watched as Eddie and Dustin celebrated despite the ground’s continuous shaking. You heard Robin start to chuckle and couldn’t help but join her. The fear of failure was gone now and replaced with relief. Robin let out a celebratory holler and then started jumping up and down. She grabbed Nancy and spun her around in a hug earning a laugh from the girl. Steve snaked his arm around your waist, bringing you flush with his side, and you leaned your head into him.

“Hey!” Steve shouted over their celebration. “Can we maybe finish this outside of the Upside Down?”

They all froze for a second before hustling through Eddie’s front door and to the gate. You and Steve followed and soon you all were on the other side watching the gate to the Upside Down close forever. It was finally over. Once the gate was shut and everyone had their fun celebrating the victory, everyone dispersed. Dustin decided to stay the night with Eddie in his trailer. Nancy drove Robin home, and Steve said he’d drive you to your car. Around the rest of the group, it was easy to ignore the fact that you had kissed Steve, and he kissed you back. But when the two of you were alone in his car, the air was different. The tension was thick, and neither of you spoke to the other. Instead, for the duration of the ride, you stared out the window and Steve out the windshield. When you got to your car, you mumbled a “thank you” to Steve and quickly exited his vehicle to get into yours. You didn’t wait for Steve to leave before you were driving off. Although you were happy nobody died, you now had to deal with the consequences of your bold actions. But tonight was not the night for that. When you got home, you washed the Upside Down off your body, curled into your bed, and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

The following day, you woke to an empty house, but you didn’t mind. For the first time in a long time, you weren’t restless. You weren’t on autopilot, just getting through the day. After a year of being numb, you were finally alive again. It was a feeling you didn’t realize you had missed. You were in the kitchen pouring yourself a cup of juice when your doorbell rang, pulling you from your thoughts. You made your way to your door, and when you opened it, you were met with a nervous Steve. He was fidgeting and running his hands through his hair, messing up his usually very neat locks. You furrowed your brows at him.

“Steve? What are you doing here?”

He wrang his hands in front of his torso and avoided making eye contact.

“I, um, I need to talk to you.”

Your eyes widened, and your heart skipped in your chest. You didn’t think he would come to your house to discuss what happened. In fact, you kind of hoped you had another couple of days to figure out how you were going to brush the whole kiss off as some freak accident. But that plan was shot as you stared at Steve, nearly pacing on your porch.

“Oh. Okay. Is everything alright?” You asked, playing coy.

Steve shook his head.

“No. I mean, yes, everything is fine. I just,” he stopped and let out a long breath. “We’ve been friends for a long time. Since we were kids, you’ve been one of the few people I can fully trust. You’re my best friend, Y/N.”

Your heart clenched at his words. Steve had never explicitly stated that he only wanted to be friends. In fact, there was always a part of you that held out hope that he didn’t feel that way. That, instead, he had been madly in love with you for years the same way you had been with him. But now that he was standing on your doorstep looking more anxious than you had ever seen him, you were starting to lose faith. Steve ran a hand through his hair for the umpteenth time and had his eyes trained on his sneakers.

“And,” he sighed, “for the longest time, I tried to remind myself of that because I didn’t want to lose you.”

He lifted his stare to meet yours.

“I tried to pretend that I wasn’t feeling the things I was feeling. Then you started dating Billy, and I forced myself to be happy for you because that’s what a good friend does. But every time I looked at you with him, I couldn’t help thinking, ‘That should be me. Not him.’”

Your lips parted at his words. And you wanted to jump into his arms. You didn’t need to hear him say what he was about to say because you already knew. Steve had feelings for you. He always had. You hugged yourself in an attempt to control the elation you felt as Steve continued.

“And when everything happened last year, I wanted to give you space to mourn, but then you just disappeared.”

Steve was pacing in front of you, but you didn’t stop him. Instead, you just watched him walk back and forth, intently listening to his confession.

“It felt like a part of me was missing,” Steve said, flattening his palm against his chest. “I told myself I should just move on. I told myself that’s what you did. But I couldn’t, and when I saw you in that diner, it’s like all my feelings just washed over me like a tidal wave all over again. Then you kissed me, and I knew I couldn’t deny it anymore.”

He came to a sudden stop in front of you, looked at you, and he said, “I love you, Y/N.”

It felt as if your heart exploded in your chest and your body was on fire. You had waited years to hear Steve say those words to you, and now you felt like you couldn’t control the joy that was building within you. Your arms tightened around your torso, and you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth. As you stared back at Steve, you could see the confidence slowly dissipating as his shoulders began to droop. He let out a sigh, but before he had the opportunity to open his mouth to speak again, you cupped his cheeks and attached your lips to his. Just like before, Steve melted into the kiss. It was soft yet passionate. Careful yet fervent. Every emotion and feeling both of you had been suppressing for years was somehow expressed in that kiss. Steve’s hands immediately found your waist, and he pulled you against his chest. You could feel his rapidly beating heart against you, and you were sure he could feel yours. You let go of Steve’s face and slid your arms around his neck, allowing your fingers to curl into his messy hair. Steve sighed, and you could feel his lips turn up against yours. You let the tingles of joy move through you for another minute before pulling away. Your forehead was pressed against his, and a smile spread across your face.

“I love you too, Steve,” you said before pressing your lips to his once more.

Your eyes were shut, and you were basking in the way your whole body lit up at his touch when you heard a familiar voice cheering from your driveway. You released Steve’s lips and looked to find Dustin hanging from Steve’s car a wide grin covering his face. Steve groaned, causing you to laugh.

“This was his idea, and he insisted on coming,” Steve said. “Just in case I chickened out.”

Dustin started pumping his fist in the air as he continued to cheer before you turned to face Steve again.

“Well,” you began with a smile, “I’m really glad you listened to him.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Steve traced the line of your jaw with his thumb before cupping your cheek and pulling you in for another kiss. You didn’t care that Dustin was hollering from your driveway or that you were still in your comfy clothes. All that mattered was that Steve loved you, and you loved him. You smiled into the kiss at the thought. Finally, after all these years, everything was as it should be.

Tag List: @violetrainbow412-blog @pastel-abyss-x @lilliandanelle @ilovereadingfanfics @thatnerdana

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x fem!reader #stranger things #stranger things imagines #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fandom

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dorothytv10 · 9 months

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A love letter to Bughead shippers!

*Warning: this is very very long, so only continue reading if you have time to spare 😜

I haven’t been part of the Bughead fandom since the beginning of 2019. I watched the show in chronological order until the end of season 3, then binged season 4 during covid lockdowns, but refused to continue with season 5 onwards. But over the past few years, I have kept up with spoilers and watched s5-7 episodes sporadically. I just couldn’t take the show seriously when they had Betty cheat on Jughead, then do a random time jump and turn the show supernatural. It was jarring!

I still remember the first time I started shipping Bughead. Let’s start from the beginning:

I had seen ads for Riverdale about a week before it aired, and decided to give it a watch purely because I am such a sucker for murder mystery style shows. That was the catalyst. I also have a tendency to invest in CW shows because of how heavily they push shipping, and romance is another genre that I cannot get enough of. I remember watching the pilot episode and thinking this whole Betty & Archie storyline is just NOT compelling nor did I feel the actors and their characters had any romantic chemistry. It just felt forced and awkward, especially watching Betty get rejected. I thought she was way too good for him, and if he couldn’t see that in all the years they were friends, then he ain’t the right guy for her. But some part of me just expected them to be the main love story of the show because that’s such a predictable trope in teen dramas. So even though I didn’t feel any part of my shipping senses tingling, I decided to continue with the show for the mystery part, and accepted that the romance would just not play a factor in my interest. But boy was I wrong! The following week, I watched episode 2, and the show just felt different. Jughead was featured more heavily and finally shared the screen with Betty, even though no dialogue was exchanged. But I remember thinking to myself, “Jughead and Betty would be so cute together”. During the week after episode 2 aired, I remember their season 1 kiss from episode 8 leaked online: the one outside FP’s trailer. I saw that one scene on Twitter and was instantly a Bughead shipper. I couldn’t believe that I got my wish and Betty and Jughead were going to have a romance. Riverdale went from “a show I’ll watch when I can be bothered to a must watch show that I will not dare miss an episode of”. Episode 3 started getting promoted online a lot, and Betty and Jughead were shown to interact in the trailer; I was hooked. I couldn’t wait for the next episode! It became an obsession. I even joined tumblr and met so many amazing fellow Bughead shippers. It was such an exciting time, waiting every week for a new episode to drop to finally see them get to that ep8 kiss, which I foolishly believed was going to be their first kiss. But episode 6 threw us all a curveball and had Jughead kiss Betty and call her Juliet in the same scene. I literally had butterflies. I hadn't felt that strongly about a ship in so long!

I was a big part of the early Bughead tumblr days. We were a force to be reckoned with. Each episode, our fanbase grew bigger to the point where we were the most popular ship out of every show airing at the time.

But as much as I wanted Bughead to be endgame, there was always this part of me that worried she’d inevitably get with Archie because that was so clearly what RAS shipped in the comics. I do believe Bughead lasted as long as they did because of how big and strong their fanbase was. Also, the real life romance between Cole and Lili always played a huge role in their onscreen coupling, too. That doesn’t diminish how beautiful their love story was in the show. But unfortunately, I think it is the truth. I have seen it so many times in teen drama shows. The head writers always seem to ship the pilot episode ship: Dawson and Joey, Stefan and Elena, Lucas and Peyton etc. I’m using examples of previous teen love triangles.

As much as RAS loved Bughead, and wrote them such beautiful content, he always had one foot pedalling on B*rchie. It was inevitable that at some point they’d want to explore them, especially because they had placed little clues all throughout the first few seasons. But as long as Cole and Lili were together, the show was never going to be daring enough to go full steam ahead with B*archie. Bughead was too popular and so was the real life romance. It would have caused riots. But alas, like every CW actors who date, they broke up. And what happened? They were kept apart for the remainder of the show. It was Delena all over again :(

Whether the rumours are true about the two not being able to work together, only they truly know. But I think it’s a mix of a lot of things, including new writers who were clearly all for the other ship, or in this case, the other shit. I don’t want to insult anyone, but the Riverdale writers are some of the most incompetent writers in the industry. Their inability to maintain continuity, and all the contradictions and character assassinations they created, we had no hope in s5-7. It became a whole new show. It simply lost its spark, which was already quite dim after how they handled the cheating arc in season 4. There was a huge tonal shift, and our favourite characters acted OOC.

So here’s what I really want to say:

I officially stopped watching Riverdale when they decided to jump the gun and have Betty cheat on Jughead with Archie. If you’re a Bughead shipper, it’s completely justifiable to be disappointed and sad about the way Riverdale ended. It’s like when people talk about that one person who got away, that’s how Bughead is to us: it’s the ship that got away, and never came back. To be fair, the show was no longer what it started out as. When you start off as a teen drama show promoting thriller/mystery as your main genre, only to shift gears in later seasons and become supernatural and sci-fi, there’s really only one way to explain the show in a cohesive and logical manner: it’s either all inside one of the character’s imaginations or it’s a multiverse with totally new characters who are the doppelgänger/counterparts of the original characters we knew in the beginning. So it no longer really counts. I don’t think we will ever get any definitive answers and closure from RAS nor the cast about why Bughead was completely abandoned after they broke up on the show, but I’m going to give you my take on how I think the last episode played out. Take it as you want, but I am a budding writer myself, and from a writer’s point of view, this is my theory on what really happened to Bughead in the end…

Consider the show a multiverse at this point. Remember that line Jughead said to Betty in 4x17? “in what future are we not together?”

It’s the same episode she cheats on Jughead. My theory is that the show shifted into another universe/timeline (whatever you want to call it) to show us the versions of Betty and Jughead that don’t have a future together. By her kissing Archie, she irrevocably changes the course of her relationship with Jughead. So that’s what we are shown, a new world where Betty kisses Archie and she and Jughead split and don’t end up back together again. And what is this new world? It’s really dark!

Bughead had been referred to as Romeo & Juliet, soul mates and endgame in the earlier seasons. That’s exactly what they are. But what are Romeo and Juliet referred to? Star-crossed lovers. No matter what, they could never be together. But I’ll get back to that later on.

In my opinion, there are 3 universes shown to us in the show’s run:

1 is the prime universe and original timeline in which Bughead are together and endgame. No cheating takes place. They are still in high school and will continue to date after it and make it work. But we’ll never get to see it unfold because from the end of s4 onwards we are in the other universes.

The second universe is the one where she ends up with Archie — Rivervale or Riverdale 2, but they all die in the end when the comet wipes them out of existence 👀

And the third universe is Riverdale 3.

Seasons 1-4 are set in the prime Riverdale universe.

Then season 5-6 are set in the second universe— Rivervale/Riverdale 2. My opinion is that even after 6x05, they never really left rivervale. Bunker Jughead just wrote it differently and called it Riverdale.

Then season 7 is set in the Riverdale 3 universe.

The Rivervale universe has all the magic and supernatural elements to it, which technically began in s5 with Cheryl performing magic. Rivervale is the darkest universe and timeline of the 3. Riverdale 3 universe is the most tame and fun of all the 3 universes. It’s the one where the characters behave like actual teens and don’t have serial killer fathers, cults, gargoyle kings and evil warlocks tormenting them. Riverdale 1 universe is the most realistic and grounded of the lot, albeit some weird storylines did occur during seasons 3 and 4, but it’s the universe that has both light and dark inside it like real life. Tabitha confirmed there is a multiverse in 7x19 when she said she couldn’t untangle “all” the timelines and instead made them into a single one. But even though she gave them back their memories, these versions existing in the 50s/Riverdale 3 universe are really not the original characters. This theory is proven by how a lot of dead characters are alive in this universe and how Tabitha has another version of herself living in this one.

The one single timeline she is talking about is that she gave them all the memories from every universe so they can live their lives with the knowledge of their other selves. Especially when having to navigate the 50s. They are variants (Loki reference) of the originals who now have the same memories (not all the memories) but haven’t actually lived the same lives. That’s why none of them aged and are still teens in high school; it’s also why they no longer have super powers and magical abilities. Same memories, but different bodies and souls.

So going back to endgame talk: in Riverdale 3, the universe which all of season 7 takes place in, including the final, Betty and Jughead weren’t technically endgame, but they were treated as star-crossed, just like Romeo & Juliet. They couldn’t be together because all of their memories from every other universe/timeline they existed in were now a part of them and it was too convoluted of a situation to actually make sense of in their heads, so they just all dated one another. In this new Riverdale 3 universe, Betty has feelings for both Archie and Jughead because she has the memories of both universe 1 and universe 2 Betty inside her, so she can never really choose between them. Instead, she chooses herself.

Jughead never marries because the girl he has always loved in every universe didn’t want to get married, so he didn’t want to settle for just anyone. Archie moved on because Betty was never the love of his life in all 3 universes.

Ask yourself this, why did Betty tell Reggie that she remembered what being with Jughead felt like, and that’s why she chose to be a part of the quad? Why didn’t she feel this way about Jughead in s6 (Rivervale/Riverdale 2 universe)? Wasn’t it strange that she just seemed to forget she was ever with him? It’s because it was a different timeline/universe, one in which Betty only loves Archie. That is why Jughead has that moment in season 6 episode 14 with that flashback montage of him and Betty, it’s him remembering their relationship from universe 1, something he isn’t really aware of in the Rivervale/Riverdale 2 timeline. The reason for them not remembering is because Bunker Jughead from Rivervale has written them to forget their past together. My theory for why he did that, is after the bomb went off in 6x05, part of the deal was that bunker Jughead make Betty forget being with him completely just like she had to forget that he sacrificed himself to save the universes. He retconned their story so she could move on and he could continue writing away from her with no distractions. Rivervale’s Bunker Jughead loves Betty, as confirmed by Ethel. Which brings me to the final part of this theory…

I think bunker Jughead is the same Jughead that appears to Betty in the final episode as her guardian Angel. He’s OG Jughead and has been writing an anthology all along. There is a reason the show is so heavily focused on Betty. She is the main character in Jughead’s story! In S1-4 he is chronicling his love story with Betty, kind of like an autobiography or diary of them and how they’re an investigative duo. In S5-6 he ventures into writing sci-fi and supernatural stories. Finishing up in s7 with historical fiction.

The angel Jughead in the series finale is the writer, the narrator and the version of Jughead that Betty loved most as evidenced by what he wore. He exists in all 3 universes, like a time-traveller of sorts. He’s the writer and narrator in Universe 1, the bunker writer in universe 2 and the guardian Angel in universe 3. But he took his version out of the story these last few seasons to show the audience a future with no Bughead, and instead wrote a version of Jughead that doesn’t pine after Betty and one that had a different girlfriend. That’s why when universe 3 Betty asks him on the park bench if he regrets never getting married, he says sometimes. Because he sometimes regrets never writing the two of them getting married in this universe. But he couldn’t because his version of Jughead wasn’t the main Jughead he was writing about in this story.

In the end, his universe 3 story wasn’t about Bughead, it was about Betty and wanting to give her everything she dreamed of, even if that didn’t include him. He wrote her a world where she didn’t have a serial killer father, where her sister was still alive, where she and Veronica were best friends, where Betty could enjoy her youth and explore her sexuality without having to choose between the two boys she was always torn between. He wrote her as a writer and a successful career woman rather than an FBI agent chasing down murderers and putting herself in danger. He wrote her as adopting a daughter that wasn’t at risk of inheriting the serial killer gene. He wrote a world where she got to be a normal teen and not have to investigate homicidal maniacs all the time. She got to go to school dances, drink milk shakes at Pops and hang out with her friends. She was able to repair her damaged relationship with her mum and find peace. She was a liberated woman with a strong voice who made a difference in the world.

So why did the show end with this version of her? Because it’s a way to show Betty finding peace and strength, and also not having to choose between Jughead and Archie. It makes her more than just a girlfriend who goes back and forth between two best friends.

This whole theory is further evidenced by beanie Jughead appearing outside Pops in the final scene and then hearing his typewriter as the show fades out. This was Jughead’s story all along, and the main character was Betty. It’s always been about Betty. The reason Jughead and Betty didn’t have any romantic scene in the series finale is because this wasn’t beanie Jughead’s Betty. This was the version of Betty that ends up with no one. It’s the last version of her that Jughead wrote in his book. The version of her that’s truly happy and at peace with herself and her life. He wrote her saying goodbye to Archie because that was not her endgame. Archie was just a childhood crush that existed in a fantasy world filled with magic and unrealistic scenarios like sewing on decapitated heads and bringing people back from the dead. Rivervale universe was never real and never made sense, just like Betty and Archie never made sense. And guess what happened to Betty in universe 2? She died, just like B*rchie did in the finale 😉

The only version of her that is still alive is the original one from Universe 1 that ends up with Jughead. We didn’t need to see their endgame on screen to know it happened. Their endgame is in the subtext. Jughead always loved Betty, and his story was about her. In universe 1 they are endgame, in universe 2 they are soul mates as bunker Jughead is able to do the impossible and contact her in Riverdale from Rivervale. And in universe 3 they are Romeo and Juliet. She spent her last day on earth with him, and died the day after finding out he died. They were star-crossed and couldn’t be together. The writing is on the wall.

As much as I would have loved an I love you, a kiss or even just a conversation discussing their history in the last episode, I take comfort in knowing that the characters I fell in love with in season 1 were completely different people in season 7. And from where I stand, the only explanation is it’s one big multiverse of madness concocted by a sardonic writer who was always in love with the girl next door, and spent most of his youth writing about her only to end the story with them both forever being 17. That is the same age they were when they were together and in love. It’s the same age their iconic duet is about. They just wanted to be 17, and that’s exactly how the show ends for them. Screams endgame to me :)

Just remember, nothing lasts forever. The greatest moments in life are the ones that don’t last long but leave a lasting impression. It’s the reason why we are so enthralled when we see a shooting star. It’s something so beautiful, yet so rare, so fleeting and near impossible to see with the naked eye that we stare in sheer wonderment at a dark sky full of dead stars waiting and hoping that such a spectacle will reveal itself to us again. So don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. And never lose hope; it’s the only voice inside of you strong enough to silence fear.

Thanks for the memories, Bughead family! Even though I haven’t been around the last few years, it’s an experience I’ll never forget, and I’ve made met people on here that I will be friends with for life ❤️❤️❤️

#bughead #betty x jughead

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pepprs · 2 years

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covid is such an evil evil disease and an evil evil thing to live through lol

#purrs #this isn’t prompted by anything im just thinking about it. i hate that thisis what life looks and feels like now and it might always be thi #way. i hate that getting covid feels like an inevitability even though i wear n95s and don’t go anywhere but work and have basically 0 #social life and have put my life plans on hold to wait for this thing to pass when it probably never will. i hate that lockdown was better #and easier than this in some ways because at least back then people were still scared and there still felt like hope and there was clear(is #) guidance and free testing and vax sites and whatever. i hate that free testing and public health dashboards showing covid rates and vax s #sites and all that shit have fucking disappeared even though the variants going around now are more contagious than ever. i hate the #mortifying ordeal of being the only person (or one of the only people) wearing an n95 and sometimes the only person wearing a mask at all.#hate that so many things have been lost and we are not taking time to grieve them or make sure that we are okay and will be okay. i hate #being scared every time i swallow. i hate how there is literally no way to tell if you will get long covid and no way to reduce your chance #of getting long covid or covid at all (aside from masks) just ways to make the symptoms less severe. i hate trying to bring people together #and stay away from people at the same time. i hate all the life that covid has taken out of me and the people i love even though thank god #know more people who haven’t gotten it than who have but actually that may not be true idk. and i HATE that because of covid and how #egregiously badly it has been handled everyone is just like.. perpetually tired and sad and we’ve accepted mass illness and death and #accepted that disabled people (esp those who are marginalized in other ways) are disposable when actually no fucking human being is #disposable and everyone should be able to live happy connected healthy lives and we could’ve ended this shit in EARLY 2020 without having t #deal with any of this absolute fucking NIGHTMARE. like god. i remember sobbing hysterically thinking we would be dealing with covid for 18 #months and now we’re coming on 3 fucking years and lockdown is over but the danger is even worse than it was and like.. no one cares anymor #and it fucking sucks lmfao. i am so tired. i need to move out. and i miss my friends and i miss my life and i miss having fewer things to #constantly worry about and i can’t believe how good and simple life was before this stupid shit.#delete later #i wasn’t planning on going on a huge rant lol sorry it’s just what’s on my mind this morning

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dayjalois-blog · 1 month

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Time travel and multiple universes

April 07 2024.

Time travel and multiple universes. Is it possible to travel through time or even to other universes? Yes. I have been doing both.

How is this possible? Tesla's device and the cowardice of Congress. When they murdered Tesla and stole both his device and papers it began a war of freedom. Freedom of choice. Freedom of life and the right to live one of one's choosing.

Until one of three events occur, I will make this a journal of a small fraction of experiences and devices' uses, without detail of construction of said devices. Congress is stripped of Tesla 's device and removed permanently. Two, we are sent to yet another universe or three, the planet is destroyed.

Not a pretty choice...the last, but when those murdered again and again, people like Challenger crew, Princess Diana, Paul Walker, for wanting freedom from control and Congress saving people like Sanjay Gupta, three of their own and Al Roker from deaths that were the results of their COVID-19 (June 2020) and a blood clot August 2019) reaching the heart, there must an end to their slavery, their desire to be a god must be done.

Tomorrow I must begin the process of creating a teleport. It is necessary in order to acquire funding for technologies to both aid in this war and, like many universes ago, open windows to hundreds of light years away...for exploring purposes.

End Entry.

April 08 2024

I really hate this body. Placing the obvious aside, with its medical problems, it tires very easily.

I didn't have as many low level resistors as I wished, so I am forced to take a "short cut"...as I label it. With the health issues of this body and lack of all necessary resistors, I have gotten the first teleport ready for soldering.

I am going to try to rest awhile. Maybe I will regain enough energy to solder and test it today.

Now, for those 'hooked' on time travel, I can give you information on what occurred, in the previous timeline, in regards to both the missing Sebastian Rogers and the two missing women whose car was found abandoned on Oklahoma 95 and Road L.

Will it be the same? I don't know. I can only say that my family and I are moving through universes and timelines more often now than ever before. Most recent move has been a short few months ago.

In the last, Sebastian Rogers was found hiding out near a farm...sometimes in a greenhouse at a school. He was fine. It was said that he was angry about not getting an expensive pair of shoes like a friend of his.

The two women? Before we were moved to this universe...this timeline, one was found dead on a farm. The other...the person has not been located at that time.

Again, this information was from one of many timelines, universes we have been in the last short few months. How many? I would say three to four.

My next device to be created, after the testing and, if need, if supplies permit, adjusting, will be the exterior planetary window.

It's rest time.

End Entry.

April 14 2024.

Wow! Getting old can be tiresome. Teleports. I did the math on several. It seems that between the poor battery, poor power cord of the phone and the many difficulties of this body, I seem to only labour half a day. Having said that, I have given a lot of thought to making teleportation available to the masses. My decision...is not yet.

I still need a means to make the environment more suitable for us. As result, I am going to use another part of the technology to solve both 'dead end' homicides and missing persons. How? Easy for me. I will begin, once paid and given the correct exact information, will open a door to the event and record it with either a cellphone or video camera.

Wait?! Proof...proof! Okay. I have calculated a well known death event... Nicole Brown Simpson. I calculated to open the door on the 20th of April.

I set this date in order to adjust the door to make it invisible from the target's view. When it recorded it I will post it by the next day. After posting, I will be finishing a website to launch to assist in gaining clients.

End Entry.

April 18 2024

I have been working hard today! Not on the door to save Nicole Brown Simpson...yet. That must wait until Monday, as long as my supplies last. I have three other devices that require attention first. - This is due to needing to teach some interfering retards a lesson for trying to interfere with our survival and my work.

I almost finished the first today. It will be complete tomorrow and the next will begin. I project, considering the idiocy I am currently having to deal with, that, should supplies last, I will be able to save her by Thursday of next week.

Tired...

End Entry

April 25 2024

I calculated the electron formation of the device for Nicole Brown Simpson murder too low. It will take me past the moment to get the door to open, so I must recalculate and reconstruct the device again. This will not happen until next month.

Why did I not give it the proper calculations in the first place? Simple, the higher the rate the easier it is to pass from one moment to another. In the last universe I did this, the person who committed the act of murdering them actually tried to pass through the door to use the very same knife to stab me in the stomach. Fortunately the rate was low enough to delay the teleport.

Well, I will be looking forward to next month. And the posting of the video.

For those of you who read this, believe in "time travel" then you have your masters in DC to thank for repeats though they're coming to an end.

End Entry

April 28 2024

I need to get more supplies. I hope to have them before the middle of next month. I have scheduled a live demonstration...the viewing of Nicole Brown Simpson's murder as it occurs. I completed the moment calculations. The last part of the calculations must wait for the supplies.

The true purpose of the demonstration is in one part advertising a paid service I will be offering. The other is a message to all who have committed so many acts against us believing they will not pay proper accountability for the acts.

End Entry.

May 11 2024

Not enough supplies!...I am going to construct several other devices...unfortunately they took will be inaccurate due to not having enough supplies to focus the electron fields. I hope to narrow the variation in a teleport to Daytona to try to get the funds to acquire the supplies.

For those of you who believe in time travel, my teleporting to Florida in its recent past, " my current self" will know nothing of this move until this moment. Now, if you're beliefs lay in a single universe, in time travel, then, there will be currently a record of my laboring in Florida for the past six months. If there is none then you have no idea of anything.

If there is such a record before I teleport there, then your masters in DC have been controlling everything of everyone on the planet in order to obtain a fictional position of becoming a god.

I know the truth. I both know and understand what reality is...In addition, I can tell you that your masters have been murdering and getting rid of particular individuals that would affect their planned destiny. Good luck...sheep.

Wait!... Instead, it will be Daytona 1990.

End Entry.

May 13 2024

The trip to 1990 Daytona must wait until sometime next month. Not enough supplies for such a simple teleport. Seeing as it will be next month, I will also complete the Nicole Brown Simpson murder window then as well. I will post it.

IF I get enough clients, who pay up front, for other cases that they would like solved, then I can delay the rest of my plans.

End Entry.

#Time Travel #Multiple Universes #Journal

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miketownsends · 11 months

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i found blaseball in season 3.

the very end of season 3, and i remember i only found it because one of the NITW creators tweeted something along the lines of “ok i’ll bite what’s blaseball” and i went “what IS blaseball?” and i Googled it and suddenly there i was

i picked the Garages because i always have been and always will be a Seattlite at heart - i remember briefly deliberating over the Tacos (who were just the LA Tacos at the time!) and a couple other teams, but the Seattle pull was too strong

i remember that i joined either very late on Saturday or very early on Sunday - it was post the s3 finals because i remember seeing the Tigers as the s3 champions, but it was pre-election because i remember casting my lone vote for Eat the Rich

but this was RIGHT before the first siesta, and i had no idea what the timeline of a season looked like, and i went “well i guess i’ll check back in later” and then basically completely forgot about it for the next couple weeks and might’ve forgotten forever if i hadn’t seen another tweet from someone when it came back.

i remember watching my very first game on the bus to work. i think i must’ve missed the first day of games, i think it must’ve been a Tuesday, because i caught the bus at like 7am and i remember seasons not starting until 8am on Mondays. i watched the Garages play the Crabs (Garages lost). i remember falling in love with Avila Guzman and Allison Abbott and Malik Destiny (pre-catboyification!) based on nothing but vibes because i didn’t know anything about blaseball lore, i didn’t even know blaseball HAD lore. i think i found the Discord later that day, and i remember the Avila-Farrell feedback happening right around the time i joined the Discord.

i got my best friend into it at the same time and it turned into a hyperfixation for both of us. i remember sitting in their living room watching the finals for s4 while our partners sat by slightly befuddled by this thing that had suddenly taken over our lives.

i moved a couple hours away for grad school at the beginning of Sept 2020 and it was possibly the most miserable time of my life. i was lucky enough to be with family at least, but i was away from my now-husband and because of COVID everything was online and i am NOT a person who does well with online courses - when i had applied in fall of 2019 i had obviously assumed everything would be in-person. i had multiple meltdowns the first few months and blaseball was often the only bright spot.

the Jaylen necromancy, oh man. i remember when i first started looking up our lore and went “i missed out on a player named Jaylen Hotdogfingers????” she loomed so large over the Garages those first few seasons. her death kind of set the tone for us, especially as we kept losing players - every team wanted to fight the gods, but it felt so viscerally PERSONAL. and then one day i opened the website and saw her on the idol board with the little flaming skull next to her name.

i cannot even begin to describe the chaos i walked into when i opened the Discord and went to the Garages channel. it was just something you had to be there for. i was IMMEDIATELY team necromancy, because what was blaseball all about if not slamming big red buttons? and i figured if we didn’t, someone else would, so it might as well be us. a lot of folks felt the same. some didn’t. my mom called me at one point and asked me why i was talking about necromancy on Twitter. the Garages, obviously, decided to go for it. we had to try.

and at the same time, the Garages, somehow, were finally becoming a decent team. we made the playoffs for the first time in season 6. Jaylen’s final words, as per lore, were “we’ve just gotta make it to the playoffs.” we swept the Pies and Tigers - both former 2 time champions - to get to the finals. Mike Townsend, he who lived always in Jaylen’s shadow, threw out the first pitch of the first game of the finals. the Crabs swept us but we didn’t care. we had made it to the playoffs. we could do ANYTHING. we could bring our star pitcher back. and we did.

god, i’m just telling stories now, but to be fair blaseball is nothing BUT stories. i remember i spent a lot of that weekend in bed sleeping and crying because i was so depressed, but i pulled myself out of it enough to watch the election results roll in. to see Jaylen come home. to see Mike truly relegated to Jaylen’s shadow.

on Ruby Tuesday i was busy trying to unpack my room with my mom’s help. i took a break to check in on blaseball. games weren’t running even though they should’ve been. i scrolled through the game feed until i hit the Tigers-Moist Talkers game and realized just what we’d done, what Jaylen’s debt truly meant.

i didn’t always remember to watch the playoffs if the Garages weren’t in them, but i was watching when the Shoe Thieves reverse-swept the Crabs and were launched into a boss battle. Jaylen pitching against the puppets of a God. (the results of the Snackrifice.)

i cried when Jaylen went back to the Hall, even though i was sure her story wasn’t done. (and it wasn’t.)

the s11 finals between the Beams and Garages was one of the most emotionally draining things i’ve ever been through. we KNEW the Beams had us beat but the Sun 2/Black Hole shenanigans kept us holding on. i cried when we finally lost. and then the Keepers opened up the eternal concert in the Discord, and for hours there were hundreds of us packed in there, listening to Garages songs that sounded like you were hearing them played at a dive bar down the street because the quality was so bad and “singing” along, and eventually Get Normal came up, and everyone had been waiting for it, and. i don’t know. god, i cried so much. something about that moment of connection. something about the closest to a concert i’d experienced in a year. something about knowing it was the literal end of an era.

i don’t even know where to start with expansion. yeah it was an exhausting mess. my hyperfixation fucking LOVED it. i may have to do an expansion era retrospective/ramble separately because this is already too damn long, and expansion was SO much. for now i’ll just say that i will carry the way the Garages handled the final season of expansion with me for the rest of my life. it was so… poignant. watching us cling to our philosophy of “the Garage is always open” even though we KNEW we were inviting our own potential destruction through the door. choosing containment because we refused to save ourselves at the expense of the league but we could at least make sure the damage started and ended with us. making a beeline for the Hall because at the end of it we just wanted to go see our friends one more time.

i’ve mentioned this before, but when we melted the Coin i was at a minor league baseball game. it was the first game i had been to in probably four or five years and it was the first time i can remember actively CARING about baseball as an adult. i work for that minor league team now and i absolutely would not be doing that if not for blaseball.

god. i’m so, so sad. i will miss blaseball for the rest of my life. what a weird little piece of the internet i was blessed to partake in.

#blaseball #this is so long i am so sorry #i am just so deeply sad #i'm still not even sure it's fully hit me #i don't know when it will

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invincible-selfxmade-punk · 7 months

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I have stopped screaming and crying and now I am just numb. I guess that is a bit of a breakthrough because normally I don't scream and cry at all until much later.

I think it's the autism I have always had a severely delayed reaction to things but this time it was so bad it just took me over.

I opened up Facebook to find that yet another friend of mine took his own life.

I am almost to the point that either I am losing count of the friends and relatives who have died by Suicide or I am just breaking down and blocking them all out.

That was my friend Ben. By the time I met him he was already in a relationship and so was I but we hung out a lot. We would send each other songs that we liked and I was really attracted to him. That is not a very good picture he was so much more handsome on his better days.

It's like meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife

The girl on my other side is his girlfriend Laura and they were together for years. Then I'm not sure what happened but suddenly they were not posting together on Facebook anymore and Ben was posting more and more rather scary sounding statuses.

He had told me that he had tried to kill himself several times. And I guess we bonded over that.

That was when we worked together. We were all friends his girlfriend, myself, and the music and art teacher who were married. One time they even made a band together and played gigs around town. It was because of them I found out about this awesome band called Murder Monroe. Those were truly the best times. Before covid happened and before the venue which was a coffee shop and music venue didn't survive the covid shutdown and went out of business.

Later on after he & Laura moved away he would put cryptic status on Facebook and I would message him and ask him if he wanted to talk and send him my favorite songs to try to comfort him.

He would always send me the same song back when he was in that mood. And it was kind of a song about how maybe if we had met in a different time things would be different.

youtube

Other times he would send me awesome videos of him playing guitar.

youtube

I drew this picture 5 years ago when I got a call telling me that one of my former students ---whom I was very close to --killed herself at the age of 13.

I still think it sums up exactly how I feel every time this happens.

I am so heartsick and just at a loss. We had not communicated since Christmas and he had only posted on Facebook of very few times with anything personal. The few times he did post it would be him saying how depressed he was and how he had no friends. And I would always message him and let him know he wasn't alone and ask if I could help and after a while he just didn't respond.

I'm glad he is no longer in pain but oh my God I just wish he could have hung in there.

I can't imagine what his ex-girlfriend is going through having been with him for nearly 10 years. She said in

her post that a few weeks ago he blocked her and then of course we find this out today.

youtube

Ben Benavides was a special ed teacher, a 4th/5th grade teacher. He was an introvert who was clinically depressed. He was a guitarist, he was a music fan, he was a great listener, he gave the best hugs, he felt things far more deeply than anyone else did.

He gave his all to his students to the point that he would nearly have nervous breakdowns over the stress of not being able to help them enough. He was a goth, he was a metalhead.

I didn't know him as long as most and yet he touched my life profoundly.

My dear Ben,

I am better for having known you and I am so pissed off that you left me and left this world.

Goodbye Ruby Tuesday who could hang a name on you when you change with every new day still I'm going to miss you.

#988lifeline #need help call 988 #tribute #another life gone #grief #loss #teaching #Youtube #Spotify

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newronantic · 2 years

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BYLER FICS

ayo its been a while but we got a new hyperfixation + covid is kicking my ass so lets fucking do this also this was supposed to be general stranger things fics but i have byler brainrot lol youve been warned

let’s hear it for the boys by andiwriteordie

mama said you can’t hurry love - Will and Mike throughout the years, told through the eyes of Joyce Byers

the winner takes it all - Robin and Steve start a betting pool on when Will and Mike will finally get together, and it eventually spreads to the entire party

rule of threes - Four times the members of the Party realized they were Mike and Will's third wheel, and one time Mike and Will realized it for themselves.

a very murray mistletoe - The one in which Murray finally has a chat with Will and Mike.

don’t you forget about me - The members of the party go to college, and Mike struggles with change, being away from everything he's ever known, and the fear of losing the people he loves.

and i get the joy of rediscovering you - how Mike falls in love with Will over the years.

so i showed up at your party - Mike throws Will a birthday party while their friends are home on spring break. Naturally, drunken shenanigans occur.

The Red Envelope by midnighteverlark

When Will needs to get his thoughts out of his head, he writes a letter he never intends to send. He addresses it to Mike, and tells him everything. He forgets all about the letter, and the distinctive red envelope he stowed it in, until he turns around to find it missing. Now, Will has to think of some way to stop Mike from reading that letter - or should he wait at Castle Byers on Saturday at 2:00pm and pray for a miracle?

The Unmarked Mixtape by midnighteverlark

The impossible happened: Will asked Mike to be his boyfriend. Even stranger? Mike said yes. That's how it started. A letter, an accidental confession, a Saturday afternoon. And that? That was the easy part. Now, what they do - what they are - is secret. Because if anyone finds out... they don't even want to imagine. But they try not to focus on that. They're busy, after all, trying to navigate this new relationship. Kisses, dates, prom, couples' quarrels. And in the meantime, Will has a problem on his hands; a power he needs to learn to control, before it blows up in his face. It's a crazy end to their school year - but there's more going on behind the scenes than they realize.

It’s just polyester. by mayfixlds, okwillthewise

Will gets a boyfriend and Mike gets jealous.

You gave me your sweater. by mayfixlds, okwillthewise

Two boys navigating their way through life and love.

Come to California, Be A Freak by crow_of_crimes

Mike and Max run away to California together in hopes of finally confessing their feelings to Will and El.

The 5 People Will Byers Came Out To by soidade

Five separate scenes of Will coming out for the first time.

Another Love by Youngcreature28

Volume 2 fix-it fic including the one-bed trope, Will getting Vecna’d and a rain fight & kiss.

Argyle’d by whyamistillwritingpages

You’ve heard of Byler getting Murray’d, now get ready for an extremely high Argyle who doesn’t realize the two aren’t already together to do the exact same.

darling, you got to let me know (should i stay or should i go?) by andiwriteordie

Mike gets Vecna’d

oh can’t you see you belong with me? by andiwriteordie

Mike gets Vecna’d (again)

sleepless nights, losing ground, i’m reaching for you by andiwriteordie

Ok ok but this time Mike and Will BOTH get Vecna’d

the first. by andiwriteordie

A series of "firsts" in Mike and Will's friendship, over the years.

Mike Wheeler and the Laws of Motion by queer_we_are

Will comes out as gay, and this is a surprise to no one except for Mike. Mike deals with his myriad of thoughts and feelings about this shocking revelation mainly through math metaphors, because of course he does.

Two Idiots Take Way Too Long to Get Together: A Story in Letters by queer_we_are

A week after their wedding, Will and Mike Wheeler-Byers are opening their wedding gifts. They open one present that has them taking a trip down memory lane...

i think we’re alone now by friendstolovers

In which Will has a love bite, the Party freaks out about it, and Mike is jealous of himself.

break their bounds by scorchstorm

Several snapshots of mike and will’s relationship, through the good and the bad.

can’t hold out forever by scorchstorm

Five times that others noticed how mike felt + the one time that will did.

help me hold onto you by scorchstorm

mike falls apart one drunken night. will helps piece him back together.

I Never Find Out ‘Til I’m Head Over Heels by orphan_account

Wherein Mike believes he’s being obvious, Will doesn’t know what he believes, and the pair of them could use a lesson or two in effective communication. Somehow all of this has both nothing and everything to do with five years' worth of school dances.

Love, Mike by Youngcreature28

Or the one where Mike is a jealous, clingy, horny little shit the whole time, has to watch as Will is taken by Vecna, twice, and comes to realise that he may have been in love with his best friend the whole time. It sure would explain a few things.

i ain’t gotta tell him, i think he knows by nxncywheelcr

The “Get Mike and Will Together Mission.” The Quintessential Quartet (another Dustin nickname) had finally decided enough was enough, and planned to get them the fuck together.

Will’s not so Secret Admirer by lgheartofglass

In which Will keeps getting flirty notes from a secret admirer...

Will’s not so Secret Boyfriend by lgheartofglass

Mike and Will decide to keep their relationship a secret... But it doesn't go as planned.

a game of truths by RomeoWrites

“Tell me something that you’ve never told me before.”

a three-step plan to make will byers fall in love by RomeoWrites

The party concocts a three-step plan to get Will Byers to fall in love assuming, of course, that he hasn’t already.

The Screw Ups - Byler by zombiewheeler

We follow mike wheeler and will byers through friendship, love and hurt.

Jealousy (turning saints into the sea) by wasabi8000

The one where Mike finally gets jealous.

Pair of Abnormalities by AwkwardDinosaur

After having combatted Vecna and the Upside Down, Mike Wheeler assumed that his emotional turmoil would finally be put to rest. However, with Will wanting to be more open about their relationship with their friends, where does that leave Mike? Is his fear of telling others rooted in a closeted mindset, or does it come from something far deeper than that?

i’m tearing you asunder by smoosnoom (moonsooms)

The world ends, and then some. Mike and Will find each other again, amidst the debris and distance.

Camaraderie and Catharsis by Dragonboy7

After a year of his friends constantly asking Will about his secret “girlfriend,” Will decides to finally say something. He’ll gladly tell everyone - if they agree to help him set up a surprise for their one year anniversary. What Will does not mention, however, is that this mysterious “girlfriend” is not exactly a girl. Oh, and he’s in the Party.

Prompts by teej_318

A bunch of short one-shots that i’m too lazy to link individually

the worst thing about being honest by quietforasecond

Mike keeps falling asleep, Will can’t stop hacking up flowers, and everyone is suddenly great at giving advice.

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iu-jjang · 2 years

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[INTERVIEW] 221020 Vogue Korea - IU “Looking back on the past occasionally makes it more meaningful, doesn’t it?”

IU in Seoul, IU in Milan. Is she the same or different?

At ‘Vogue’, many photos were gathered of IU, Korea’s first female solo singer to have a concert at Jamsil Olympic Stadium then visit Milan as Gucci’s global ambassador. IU said, she asked herself, ‘How about this?’ and she started enjoying herself more.

Q: You attended the 2023 S/S Milan collection show as Gucci’s global ambassador. Was there anything memorable for you about the collection? Any look or item that you liked?

IU: The moment I entered, I felt that the showcase venue was small and cosy. There weren’t many seats either. Then in the middle of the show, a partition wall in the centre of the stage was lifted and I realised that it was like a decalcomanie and there was another show on the other side. The twin models who were walking on their side of the stage met in the middle and held hands as they walked. Whether visually or symbolically, it was an interesting performance. I like overalls and this season, there were overalls! I wonder if they have it in my size? I got excited.

Q: During the ‘Twinsburg’ collection this time, 68 pairs of twins appeared on stage. The mother of the creative director, Alessandro Michele, is a twin so it came from his own personal experiences. I think artists need to have the ability to not bypass little experiences in their lives or miss out on the opposite side of the lives they have become accustomed to and turn that into art. I think the way you tell stories through your music and the unique way you express yourself through your lyrics is an example of that. How do you convert your daily experiences into music? Do you observe or make notes or think on the flip side?

IU: I’ve actually been making fewer notes than before. I still write in my diary, but I’m not as obsessive about writing in it anymore. It’s like, ‘The words to remain shall remain, or else just forget them.’ It’s been awhile since the days when I tried hard to cling on to thoughts that are worth becoming items. (But when I work on my full-length albums with more tracks, I’m clearly going to cling on reluctantly again.) Nowadays, there are many artists that write lyrics by themselves that have character. I’m also the type to stick my flag (TL note: stake my claim) on mainly themes I’m good at writing and can hang on to for a long time. I’m hooked on ‘patterns’ and ‘rules’ these days. I’m gradually starting to realise that I’m someone who lives with many rules in my daily life. I get stressed when something falls out of place too. I wonder if I’ll be able to infuse such ideas in my music in future.

Q: We did the ‘Vogue’ cover photoshoot in the house of a Milan collector. It was a house filled with pictures and antique furniture, right? What’s your house filled with? Are you surrounded by them now as well?

IU: As I receive this question and look around me, I realise that I do have a number of pictures in my house here and there. I mostly spend my time in my room and in my room in particular, I have many pictures gifted to me by friends or my fans who drew them by themselves. There are pictures amazingly drawn on canvas and many sketches from my friend’s studio. Perhaps it’s because I have zero talent in drawing, when someone gifts me with a meaningful piece of art, I feel really touched. It contains the affection, time and effort of that person. The pieces that are really precious to me are gathered at one corner of my room. During my concert this time, there was a section that reproduced that part of my room too.

Q: Other than 2020 and 2021 when Covid-19 was severe, you’ve been putting on solo concerts every year since 2012. What does it mean to you to be able to have face-to-face concerts with your fans?

IU: It’s a celebration party with my fans after a year of farming. It’s difficult to replace a concert with another event. The fans who come for my concerts will clearly know what I mean.

Q: Your first solo concert in 2012 was ‘Real Fantasy’ right? Do you still remember what your first concert was like?

IU: I don’t remember it vividly, but of course I still remember it. I did a nationwide tour for my first concert. From gathering concert audience, to maintaining my condition, putting things in action, to ensuring that the tension stays up during my concert each week instead of weakening, I was at a loss about everything and felt scared. I blamed the producer a little then for not guiding me on what to do and asking so much of me from the start, but after my concert this time, I thought to myself, “Thank you for raising me to be strong” and contacted the producer separately too. What’s encouraging for me is that my parents who came to watch my first concert 10 years ago and said, “The stage seems too big for you to fill on your own” back then, told me this time. “The stage that extends beyond 100m does not look big at all.”

Q: The concert you had in September was really amazing. You were the first Korean female solo singer to have a concert at Jamsil Olympic Stadium, right? With about 90 people on stage, about 1300 staff making preparations together and about 80,000 fans in the audience. I’m curious about your overall thoughts on the concert.

IU: I felt, ‘I enjoy the stage more than I thought. Things really work when many people put their hearts together. I’m working with some really amazing people. I have a really great life.’

Q: In the teaser video on your ‘dlwlrma’ YouTube channel, you said, “I want to leave a mark in concert history.” Did you manage to achieve what you hoped for?

IU: Yes.

Q: Director Jo Hyunwoo who worked with you from the 2017 ‘Palette’ concert to the 2019 ‘Love, poem’ concert, as well as the 2022 ‘The Golden Hour: Under the Orange Sun’ concert, shared his thoughts on what a ‘perfect concert’ means to him. Usually when IU starts singing, the audience becomes quiet and only participate actively during the sing-along parts, but during your Philippines concert, the audience cheered so loudly that you couldn’t hear the music in your in-ears. You responded that, ‘A perfect concert means differently to different people. That was a perfect concert in a new way.’ In what way was the concert this time perfect?

IU: Despite the 3 year gap, not only me, but I felt that everyone was clear about their roles. At each position, it had to be that person. This concert was not a tour and there were only two days, but if I had the chance to go back again to that day, I would not have been able to make it any better.

Q: How did you feel when you fell asleep the night before your concert? How about after the concert?

IU: It was raining a lot the night before the concert and we didn’t manage to complete the run-through rehearsal, so I went back after work that day with an unsettling feeling. My backup singer who could tell how I felt sent me an image of ‘You can do it ability’, so I thought to myself, ‘That’s right, I’ve done everything I can. It’ll work out somehow’ and posted that image on my Instagram story before lying down in my bed. After the last day of the concert, I went for the after party. They didn’t make it obvious the whole time, but perhaps because the staff mostly felt pressured by the large scale of the concert, many of them were crying. Telling each other that they did well, it was the best, thank you for working together. Exchanging words with each other, I felt a surge of love for mankind that night. I got home late at night and read the concert reviews and felt overwhelmed with emotions which was something I had not felt in quite awhile. I think out of the concerts I had done, it was the concert with the highest level of audience satisfaction. That itself was enough to compensate for everything.

Q: This concert was described as a “musical or Olympics opening ceremony”. In particular, the highlight was the hundreds of drones that formed a picture in the sky. What’s the stage equipment or effect that you were most into? On the contrary, was there anything you had to compromise for practical reasons?

IU: From the performance perspective, I think it would have to be the hot air balloon that went up as I sang ‘strawberry moon’. It’s something that the concert director insisted on strongly since the first meeting. A few months before the concert, together with a few key staff members, I went on a trip to Buyeo for a test run and that was how much we anticipated the hot air balloon performance. It would move depending on the wind direction, so it was very much weather-dependent and I thought I didn’t have a fear of heights at all, but once it went up by more than 10m, I couldn’t sing and whenever it wobbled due to the wind, my heart sank. As I was close to the fire, it was really hot to ride it in summer too. The director expressed his concerns (with a firm expression I had never seen from him in the many years we have worked together) ‘Just. Believe. In. It.’ I’m glad I did. The audience really liked it. What I had to compromise with was time, of course. From when the title of the concert, ‘Golden Hour’, was confirmed, we set the condition that ‘with the sunset as the background, we had to start the concert at 7pm sharp without missing a beat’. But for an outdoor concert, we couldn’t drag it too late into the night. So it was a shorter concert than what I used to do and we prepared for a runtime of 3 hours.

Q: What was a great hurdle for you for this concert and how did you overcome it? On the contrary, what was the most exciting part?

IU: The biggest hurdle was myself. Since a year ago, my ear has been giving me some issues. If I sweat a lot or produce loud sounds for a long period of time, a muscle in my ear rattles and opens up and sound seems to echo loudly inside. As I was preparing for my concert, I trained myself well and made great improvements, but it had been awhile since I stood on stage and on top of that, it was the biggest stage in singing career, so many complicated thoughts were running through my mind. I just kept practising. If my ear opened up, sounds became unclear to me, so I was cautious about singing loudly and afraid to do so. Even if it sounded weird to me, I would just sing it out aloud first and record that and listen to it again, trying to find a way to control it. As I kept doing that, I started to regain my confidence gradually. It can get worse if I go too overboard, but for now, I’m safe. Aside from my condition, the moment I decided to do a concert, I tormented myself and struggled with thoughts like, ‘Would I be able to fill such a large stadium?’ Whenever I had weak thoughts, I remember telling myself, ‘Hey, this is the Olympic Stadium, even if you can’t eat (handle) it, it’s a Go’ to make myself bolder.

Q: After your encore stage, ‘Love poem’, you said, “There’s an issue with my ear, so I nervously prepared for this concert. I could barely hear properly today, but I could sense the support from all of you.” You must have been taken aback when you first heard the diagnosis of your condition. How did you feel back then and how are you accepting it right now?

IU: After hearing the diagnosis, I was firstly glad that it wasn’t an issue with my hearing per se. Since my job requires me to use my voice a lot, although I was at a loss of what to do, I think it was a chance for me to have more humble feelings about my health and this job that I love. When none of the worst case scenarios I imagined happened and I managed to pull off my concert successfully, I’ll never be able to forget how thankful I felt at that point in time. After the articles went out, I was contacted by many people. I even received messages from seniors that I did not have their contacts. There were more people around me with this condition than I had thought. As we use our ears and throat a lot, many singers revealed that they faced the same issue and shared their encouragement and their own tips with me. I also helped those who asked me for help as much as I could. From the perspective of someone who stands on stage, the bond of sympathy and support that we shared gave me the reassurance that I would be able to recover quickly. That was another episode that I was overwhelmed with a love for mankind recently.

Q: During your ‘The Golden Hour: Under the Orange Sun’ concert recently, you started off by singing ‘eight’ without any accompaniment. You’ve mentioned before that it’s a song you want to sing during sunset and something you’ve been planning for a long time”, but what was the reason that you decided your opening for the concert to be this way?

IU: ‘eight’ was a song that I released when I was 28, during a time of Covid-19 blues and a sense of powerlessness myself, when I was tired with everything. As I couldn’t have face-to-face concerts during that time, I wasn’t able to gain strength from the audience. So when the field of performing arts started to become active again, I felt that if I were to hold my concert, I would have to sing ‘eight’ as the first song powerfully and mark an end to the times I felt tired of everything. It’s the only song that has never changed its position the whole time we were deciding the setlist.

Q: During your concert, you said after singing ‘Palette’ and ‘Good Day’, you would be excluding them from your setlist in future. You said, “Now that I’ve turned 30, you’re welcoming moments as good as you felt back then. There’s no reason for me to hang on to these songs anymore.” Over time, you’ve also graduated songs like ‘Marshmallow’ right? It’s not easy to let go of your shining history, is there a reason that you need to graduate your songs? I think it shows your growth as well.

IU: I think looking back on the past occasionally makes it more meaningful. As I work hard to release new songs, I would like to avoid a similar structure to my concerts every year. There’s some misinterpretation in the way it was reported in the news and although they will be left out of the key pieces that make up the regular setlist, during encore or with a freer atmosphere, I can still sing them if the audience requests for them. It’s also my will to continue to produce new songs to fill the empty spaces of the songs that have graduated, so I hope my fans don’t become too disappointed because of that.

Q: It seems that your choice above is influenced by you turning 30. Are there any emotional changes for you as you begin your 30s?

IU: I think it’s a time that I break free from my obsession that things have to be either ‘this way or that way’. As I start thinking to myself, ‘How about this?’, many things have started to become more enjoyable for me. I’m enjoying life, these days.

Q: With your concert over, you’re left with the release of your movie ‘Dream’! You started filming for it last spring, right? Besides ‘Dream’, what other projects do you have lined up?

IU: I would like to show a more relaxed side of myself. I’m always telling my fans, “I want to become uaenas’ hobby.” That’s my flow (TL note: how I’m doing things) these days too, whether it’s an album or other pieces of work, rather than breathless stories, I want to tell warm stories that allow our hearts to relax.

Translated by IUteamstarcandy

#IU #vogue #translation #magazine #interview

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no-sabo · 4 months

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Alexander's Top 10 Games of 2023

#10: Street Fighter 6

Street Fighter 6 is landing on my list de panzazo because I didn't play enough of Baldur's Gate to include it. Act 1 gang, rise up!

It's tough trying to find the same hype that I had playing Street Fighter IV on the Xbox 360. I don't think I ever put as much hours trying to get good at a fighting game since and I don't think I ever will. This isn't to say that I don't think 6 is as good. My main thing is that I don't think I'll ever be in that kind of place in my life, or have the same friends with the same free time. Getting older is so wack. Street Fighter 6 is cool as hell, though.

#9: Venba

I think for immigrants Venba's themes are well worn ground. Food is perhaps the most powerful anchor to one's culture. Venba is beautiful, touching, and deeply relatable to me as a first born child of immigrant parents.

Make sure you eat something before jumping into this one. I'm pretty sure I ordered Indian food the day after.

#8: A Space for the Unbound

I don't think there's a game on my list with such a stark difference with the level of enjoyment I had between the narrative and the actual play. At times A Space for the Unbound can be extremely tedious.

A lot of the play involves solving puzzles, usually with a pen and paper at hand. That stuff can be nice, however the brief but constant loading in between areas really strained my patience. There's also empty calories in the form of fetch quests that trip up the pacing.

In the end, once credits rolled, those complaints melted away. It's a gripping fantasy story about community, bullying, domestic abuse, anxiety, and depression wrapped in gorgeous, detailed pixel art. And there's an achievement for petting all the cats.

#7: Hi-Fi Rush

Hi-Fi Rush feels like the remake to a long lost Sega game that they developed for the Xbox during their messy Dreamcast console exit. It's tough for me to describe why it's on here. I think I just genuinely miss this tier of game existing. Like, this game had fucking music from Zwan in it. Zwan.

I don't know, man. It's a vibe. It's really well animated, the characters are bright and goofy, and the rhythm infused third person action combat smacks.

I think this was the first game I completed on my Steam Deck in 2023. Actually, I think it's the first game I beaten front to back on it period?

#6: Super Mario Bros. Wonder

I know it's in to trash the New Super Mario Bros. games but I genuinely never had any strong positive feelings for that first DS game and it only lead to further my resentment for that series. They just made so damn many of them.

Mario Wonder, with its Wile E. the Coyote ass animations is so damn refreshing. I think this is probably the best implementation of the self governed difficulty levels, too. A kid can breeze through a lot of these levels, but being a completionist can get brutal in a satisfying kind of way. It's just so nice to be excited for a 2D Mario game again.

#5: Mediterranea Inferno

Part visual novel, part art-house movie, Mediterranea Inferno takes you on vacation with three Italian twinks trying to move past their Covid-19 lock-down trauma. It's funny at times, but quickly veers into some deeply uncomfortable situations. Also, it can get spooky.

It's an important game, but please heed the content warnings.

#4: Eternights

There's something alluring to me about the Persona Social Link system and any time a game decides to mess with that kind of thing I'm game to give it a shot. Eternights' main sell was "dating action game", so, there it is.

The gist here is there's an apocalypse and your player character gets his arm cut off and replaced with a magical one that can transform into, I think, anything? It's a sword for 98% of the game that you use to kill monsters. It's in third person and for the most part it's an OK action game. You get a skill tree and all that and your buds help you fight, though I think the combat truly shines in the back quarter of the game.

The game's whole thing is that you've got a time limit for when a dungeon has to be completed and you can either choose to progress through it or spend time with your friends, who are mostly female.

Now, to my surprise there is a male character that joins your crew late in game who can serve as a love interest and I was curious to see how that would play out given the homophobia present in the games with which it was inspired by.

The same sex story is, I feel, the most interesting route. It flips the corny harem trope on its head and you get what I believe is the most touching and fulfilling end given that character's relationship to the plot. It's respectful in a way the rest of the game wouldn't suggest it.

At some point in the story your characters are falling from up high and to save everyone the player character turns his arm into a bra parachute because in a quick panic he remembers seeing them on one of the girls in your group. It's childish as hell to be sure, but there's a lot of heart here and I can't wait to see what this one man studio does next.

And I'd like to request for more RPGs to be sub-20 hours like this one. It does wonders for pacing.

#3: Jusant

I kinda' just melted into Jusant. This game is gorgeous and the danger free climbing was so meditative during some really dark and ongoing political unrest. It feels selfish to even say this but it felt good to get home and get lost in something that provided very little consequence.

Fuck Joe Biden and free Palestine.

#2: Bomb Rush Cyberfunk

Sega can keep Jet Set Radio. Team Reptile understood the assignment.

Look, there's a lot you can do to modernize Jet Set and I'm sure Sega's got their top engineers on it but fuck all that. This shit with its simplified graphics runs at 90 FPS on my Steam Deck. It's got all the vibes down and it manages to improve on the mobility and graffiti systems.

Like Hi-Fi Rush I just miss this tier of game but, like, x10 for this specific series. It improves on the concepts of the games that inspired it. I was eating here.

#1: The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

I don't think I have the capacity to express what Breathe of the Wild meant to me when I first played that game back in 2017. It's gotta' be my favorite game of all time. At least, it was? Still is? It's a toss up. Both Tears of the Kingdom and Breath of the Wild have surprisingly different philosophies and it sort of depends on how I'm feeling. All this to say that Tears of the Kingdom is a genuine master piece.

I'm sitting here trying to think of where to even begin. Is it the physics driven world that doesn't seem to break no matter what nonsense you throw at it? Do I talk about the fact that this is the most touching Zelda story to date? How about how the Colgera boss fight theme smacks? Why does this game look so good off like 2011 hardware?

Tears of the Kingdom embodies play. It begs you to be curious and creative. A sanbox with a capital S. My favorite game of 2023 and favorite game period?

Best Games of 2022 in 2023

2023 was stacked, but I had to make room for some stuff that I missed the previous year. If I do this list again the 2023 in 2024 section is gonna' be a damn mess.

Melatonin

I played Melatonin in December of 2023 and it came out December of 2022. i'm so sad it took me a whole year to check it out.

It's got cozy little Rhythm Heaven-like micro games that take place within an insomniac's melatonin infused dreams. It's dripping in pastels and good vibes.

Each level, or "night", has 4 or 5 stages that you navigate kind of like a Mario overworld. You'll walk to, say, the "Work" stage where it runs you through a brief tutorial. There you get a feel for the song and the beats you need to match with button presses. Once you get through that it begins your real run. Rinse, wash, repeat.

I like it a lot. The visuals are super pleasant and it's really satisfying when you nail those perfectly timed button presses to the beat of the music. I only just started it but felt compelled to throw it on here.

He Fucked the Girl Out of Me

This one's tough to talk about. I feel like I don't need to be taking up oxygen in this conversation.

He Fucked the Girl Out of Me is a short Game Boy game about sex work and trauma. This game isn't enjoyable, but it is profound and important.

Again, please heed the content warnings.

I Was a Teenage Exocolonist

If this game had come out in 2023 it would be my number 2.

You begin life on a colony as a 10 year old. You, your parents, and the other colonists escape an Earth on the brink of collapse and crash land on a barely habitable planet. From there you live your life through to adulthood, making choices along the way that affect you, your friends, and the overall colony.

There's a card system that carries a lot of your decision making as a sort of stand in for something like a skill check or a random dice roll. You obtain cards through specific actions and relationships. It's not the greatest mechanic but it's serviceable and feeds well into the gameplay loop.

The game ends when your character turns 20 where your story concludes in one of many different outcomes, but that's not where it stops. The game has a time loop mechanic. You're meant to roll back in on a NG+ and see a lot of the different ways the game could end where you're meant to "fix" mistakes you made in your first playthrough. It works really well and is a core part of the experience.

I binged this game for a whole weekend. I could not put my Steam Deck down. I Was a Teenage Exocolonist is Young Adult fiction at its peak and in a year full of platitudes, "one of my all time favorites" feels like it has very little meaning, but man this one of my all time favorites.

#video games #i was a teenage exocolonist #tears of the kingdom #Street Fighter 6 #Venba #He Fucked the Girl Outta Me #Melatonin #Eternights #hi fi rush #Jusant #bomb rush cyberfunk #mediterranea inferno

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