#be as excited about my work as i am and be able to help me refine it into something even better
Text
— four. (2)
synopsis: in which you get dragged along by your older brother to a street race. coincidentally, catching the eyes of one racer, who just so happens to be the leader of that racing gang; violent boyz. after a breakup with your long term boyfriend.
series masterlist | next | previous
you patiently sat on your couch, waiting patiently for heeseung to pick you up. as you waited, you couldn’t help but get a rush of nervousness. after a long few minutes, you heard a faint knock on the door. you opened the door, seeing heeseung standing there; holding a big bouquet of flowers.
“hey pretty, these are for you.” heeseung hands you the flowers, the bright red roses rested beautifully in your arms; before you placed them into a small glass vase. heeseung took this time to admire your apartment, noticing every small aspect that made your home, your home.
“are all these awards yours, pretty?” heeseung glances onto the wall, noticing many certificates framed beautifully.
“yeah, some of them were from school.” you smiled, school was your specialty. something you were good at, and your work never went unnoticed.
heeseung smiled, running his fingers through your silk hair, “such a smart girl.” he murmurs, barely under a whisper where you’re able to hear him.
you couldn’t help but blush at his compliment. before getting too caught up in the moment, you felt a slight rise in tension. “ready to go?” you quickly changed the subject.
“yeah pretty, i’m ready.” heeseung held your bag, walking you to his black car.
his car was night black, the interior matching. his dark brown leather seats were rather comfortable, you saw why he enjoyed his car so much. heeseung’s car was more of a representation of himself. the black ice car refresher hits your nostrils, a hint of new car coming after.
heeseung’s car was kept clean, not a speck of dust or trash in sight. you sat down on the leather seat, securing your seatbelt as you watched heeseung get inside.
it was something about heeseung in the drivers seat that made you go insane. his hand on the gear stick, placing his car into reverse; before putting it back into drive and driving off. his one hand rested on the steering wheel, moving swiftly with ease. his other hand remained on the gear stick.
“i’m excited for tonight.” heeseung looked at you, before placing his eyes back into the road.
you smiled at his statement, feeling a bit nervous yourself. “yeah i am too.” you tried to forget about your nervousness, your palms grew sweaty as you sat in his passenger seat; realizing the current events. you were about to go on a date with the lee heeseung.
heeseung parked his car at a restaurant, one of which had looked like it was straight from the movies you watched. he got out of his car, rushing over the passenger side to open the door. he holds out his hand, making sure you exit the car carefully.
heeseung’s fingers intertwine with yours, leading you into a restaurant. the dark dimmed restaurant sent a rather intimate vibe to this small date. he pulls a chair out for you, allowing you to sit; before he does.
he calls over a waiter, seeming as if he’s familiar with his waiter.
“heeseung, my winner. what can u get you and your date.” he winks at you, a friendly smile on his face.
heeseung chuckles, “two steaks, one for me and one for my pretty girl. well done.” he looks at the waiter, before locking eye contact with you.
the waiter runs back into the kitchen, preparing each dinner for the two of you. heeseung reaches over the table for your hand, pressing a small kiss onto it.
“i’m glad you said yes to this date. i wanna know the real you.” his eyes dart from your hand to your eyes.
you smiled, your cheek flushed a bright pink as he continued to hold your hand. “me too, i feel as if there’s more to you than what meets the eye.”
you paused before continuing. “so what got you into racing?” you asked him.
heeseung sipped on his red wine before answering. “the thrill. racing was always my escape from my problems. whenever i wasn’t myself, i go in my car and speed down wherever i can.”
you felt a strong attraction, once heeseung mentioned he enjoyed racing for the thrill. after all, you enjoyed thrill as well. from this moment, heeseung was a missing puzzle piece; someone you needed in your life.
the food finally came out, “cheers to us.” heeseung raised his wine glass, allowing to clink with yours. you and heeseung continued to enjoy the mean, sharing small conversations such as your college and what you do for a living. he ended the night with a warm chocolate cake, how did he know it was your favorite?
heeseung smiled, as he reached over the table and wiped a small bit of chocolate cake from your lips. “ready to end this night on a thrilling note?” he places the money and tip into the server’s hand before grabbing into yours, leading the two of you into the dark night sky.
the two of you get back into his car, before it redirects to an empty highway, little to no lights being visible.
heeseung’s foot presses on the gas, a sharp roar coming from his car. he speeds down the empty highway, one hand on the steering wheel, while another finds its way to your thigh; gently caressing it his thumbs.
he rolled down his windows, allowing you to enjoy the speed; the wind blowing through your hair. from that highway, heeseung slowed down; redirecting his way to your home.
he double parted his car in front of your home, stepping out to walk you to your doorstep; his arm around your shoulder.
“i had a wonderful time tonight. i hope we can do this again pretty. he smiled, heeseung’s smile shined brighter than the stars in the current night sky.
you smiled, feeling your cheeks get pink. “me too.”
without any hesitation, heeseung plants a small kiss on your lip, before pulling away and caressing your soft lips with his thumb. “as a little reminder of our time together.” he smirked, before saying one finally goodbye.
you watched as he walked to his car, before opening your house door and walking inside.
(📝) :: SAV’S NOTES: ermmm i just wanna apologize for not updating in a really really long time! times have been difficult but here we are! updates will not be slow anymore and i will be trying my best 😁. also if you see any spelling errors PLEASE disregard them! >3<
(💫) :: COME AND SEE ME TAGLIST: @naespas @sainns @sanrikis @natsukee, @andsooowhat @aerivrs @heeslut4life @lhspeachie @yourssincerely-mimi @sophi-ee @haechansbbg @jaeyunluvr @caratinluv @saursoob @flwrstqr @kim2005bomi @antoncyng @crybqbyme @iheartjayke @milkycloudtyg @mangoxcinx @dimplewonie
#come and see me 💫#kpop#enhypen#lee heeseung smau#lee heeseung x reader#lee heeseung x female reader#lee heeseung x y/n#lee heeseung x you#enhypen smau#enhypen heeseung#enhypen jake#enhypen jay#enhypen sunghoon#heeseung enhypen#jake enhypen#sunghoon enhypen#jay enhypen#enha x reader#enha smau#kpop smau#enha heeseung#enha x y/n#enha x female reader#enhablr#enha x you
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
a short life update
it's been a while since i've posted. i wanted to share a few things that have been going on with me. back in March i started getting mental health help through a local psychiatry program and was diagnosed with ADHD. i began taking a new medication on top of my antidepressant and was referred for a full psych evaluation. once I spoke with my psychiatrist, she started me on a third medication for anxiety that I can take as needed. she also gave me a referral for a therapist.
i had my first therapy session two days ago and I still feel kind of emotionally exhausted from it after having to bring up a few stressful topics. overall i'm equal parts nervous and excited to finally unbox some of the trauma I've experienced in my life.
it was recommended that I keep a journal for therapy. I used to journal regularly but life got in the way and it became less and less of a priority. I did make a couple of entries over the weekend, though, but I don't have too much to write about as of late.
aside from my mental health, I've been dealing with the day to day stresses of being a mom, wife, and homemaker. my three year old broke his collarbone last week and my 17 month old is now at the age where everything is fascinating and must be touched. my husband works an insane amount of hours for the railroad and hasn't been able to do much besides eat and sleep. so, it's been a hell of a few months to say the least.
i'm still around-ish, but i'm spending more time in books and with my family than I am on the internet. earlier this year I finished the ACOTAR series and took several weeks to regroup. I finished a book called Credence this weekend and am trying to choose between two other books at the moment.
anyway, that's about it. if I get any downtime this coming week I will try to add some things to my queue now that Tumblr is once again fresh in my mind. if I don't, i'll pop back in eventually.
much love xx
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ballet class | Nico Hischier x Fem reader
summary: Nico comes in early to ballet. Yes ballet, he’s getting help to learn how to take stress off his joints, and so is his fellow teammates. I- Dani help him correct his stretching exercises, and his skating.
Warnings: Fluff, (no smut), kinda small 😁👍
~~~
I’m helping out in the NHL for some skating techniques. No, I have never actually been good at skating. Yes, I am a pro ballet student- I actually graduated from premie class about a year ago.
It’s been studied that hockey players, even the good players need skating lessons. I mean, doesn’t everyone? As an instructor in Pilates, and a ballet teacher, I am supposed to help the athletes gain muscular endurance in muscle groups that are rarely thought off.
“Hey, I’m Nico.” I very tall brown eyed man says as he skates, my way. I am in the middle of the rink waiting for my class to start.
It’s 11:24 AM. Class doesn’t start until til 12:30. Maybe he’s here for extra help?
I know I stayed I’m not good at skating, but I can kayak pretty well, my dad was a coach for a little league back home in Arizona.
“Oh. Nice, I’m Dani.” I respond, almost forgetting that I have to answer back. I haven’t talked to a handsome, very beautiful man in like 3 years. Damn, I must be dry.
“Oh haha. I was wondering if I could get extra help? I haven’t tried ballet before and I thought it would be pretty difficult. Especially for a 25 year old.” Nico said, and his eyes trail down to my outfit.
I’m wearing a brown bodysuit, when I mean a body suit I mean the ones that end up being a thong in the back and look like a very small one piece swimsuit. Over the brown bodysuit I have a black vest, and black leggings on. I have white leg warmers on because I am truly freezing.
“If you’re cold, I have the perfect warmup for you!” Nico says as he eyes my mouth shivering.im literally chattering and shaking as we speak.
“You’re beautiful.” Nico says as he helps me back up to the normal flooring as we exit the rink. Wiw, straight to the point.
“Uhh, well thanks, you’re a pretty handsome man yourself.” I say back. Ugh. I sound like a grandma.
Boring.
“You excited for the Nico Hischier warmup?”
“I guess so.” I say as I look up towards his beautiful eyes. They are so brown, they glisten in the light though, and they remind me of honey when they glimmer down at me. It’s like they are full of love.
I’m hooked.
Nico ends with warming me up with some runs, abdomen teaser, and a water break. Now I’m out of breath it’s time for stretching. I told him to show me how he normally stretches before a game. It’s was truly horrendous. He was showing me things that would tear tendons if he wasn’t so flexible in his hip flexors.
“Okay, okay, okay. I’m let’s start on our feet shall we?” I say trying to build him a better routine.
“Alrighty.” He says as he swoops his hair back and he ties his shoe. He rests his hands on his hips, and I could tell he was looking at my ass. I get it. I do have a very plump, and full ass, but I don’t even know this guy.
I bend down about half way, my hips are aligned, my arms are behind my back, I’m stretching my hips to let the stress out of the muscles, tendons, and places that don’t get worked the most.
He follows what I’m doing. I bend a knee and I tune to the right side. I’m in a lunge and I put the back leg down. I push myself into the ground. This stretches my hips, and a little of my quads.
“Ow. Ow!” Nico whimpers from behind me. He seems to be pushing himself to far.
“You need to go at your own pace.” I say trying to correct his mistake.
“No. No, this is how far I can go.” Nico insists to go farther. I get up from my lunge and stand behind him. His hips are stressed, he needs to let them looose in order to skate faster, and even be able to feel more loose when he skates.
“No. I can help you, that’s why I’m here.” I voiced.
I grab my hands, and swing them to his hips, he is in his very low lunge and I pick him up a little bit. I twist him to the right and his pelvis is aligned with his shoulders, perfect.
“I feel better. I can feel a stretch and I think I can breathe now.” Nico announced.
I know, this is my job, I know how to fix it.
“Perfect!” I exclaim, letting him know that I am here for him to lean on.
We finish the stretching and the warmups. Now, it’s time for skating. He skates pretty fast, but his too curvy in his feet, I can tell.
“Let’s do a little ballet first?” I mentioned, it’s not an option, we are doing ballet before we skate.
“Okay, whatever you think I need… angel.” Nico announced, and in a very confidently way. He winked at me.
Um.. yes!!!
I taught him to hold his core, and the posture. He obviously doesn’t need the posture portion but the engagement of his core is necessary.
“Slate time?” Nico exclaims, he’s ready. I think I’m ready now too? I lace up my skates and he’s already on the ice.
He skates back, and kneels down. He’s tiring my skates back up.
It’s 12:30. Class started. All the guys come flooding in knowing that I can see their lunch all over their fingers. I told them, 12:30 on the dot. Not before and not later, exactly at 12:30.
“Oh! Hey Nico, and-” Jesper starts but…
“-Dani.” Nico finishes.
“Okay, skates on? Let’s head on the ice!” I say in eager. Nico steps on first and he grabs a hold of my hand, he’s helping me in the ice.
“Oh, you have tension.” Jack says, letting everyone know that Nico thinks I’m just a pretty girl.
Nico skates with me to the middle and the boys are still doing drills that I told them to do a minute ago.
He pulls me in closer to him, I can feel the warmth of his anatomy. His heart is pounding, not only can I feel it I can hear it. That’s how close we are. I feel like I’m on his chest, it doesn’t look like it, but it feels like it.
“You’re a pretty girl.” Nico says as he reaches for his phone. He hands his phone to me and I put in my number.
Class ends, I’m sure I taught everyone how to skate in a safer way. I also think I have them a pre game stretching lesson.
Nico texts me a picture of us, he must of swiped it from when I was talking to the other devils.
God, he’s a really pretty man.
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Starting to slowly realise I'm really not doing well mentally and it's. concerning. I feel like I should take a break from tumblr bc it takes some of what little energy I have but it's also my source of joy with friends so idk what to do, like I'd miss y'all more than I'd feel good about being away. But if you notice me talking less/not responding in days it's bc I just cannot. I leave your message notifs up so I don't forget tho <3
#Personal#Feeling dreadful bc so many friends have shared with me things they wrote that I SO GENUINELY AM EXCITED TO READ#I've just had literally no time nor energy for ANYTHING I enjoy in like a month#And I'm also literally not sleeping. I'm either not sleeping or I have recurring nightmares that wake me up. It's god-awful#Therapy isn't helping either cause atp I already know everything they're advising me about it's just not working#Nothing's changed either which ofc makes me feel worse. No meds changed no habits changed nothing crazy happened#I'm just suddenly worse than I've been in years which is Not Good#I feel awful for not being able to read my friends' things if I could let y'all see my mind you'd know I want to read what you write so bad#I just can't right now. I'm sorry#Not to mention work and school have been especially more demanding recently and I literally get home after 8 every single night#Don't even eat dinner til past 10pm#Doing hw until 3am etc etc#It's like high-school all over again but I'm an adult with more responsibilities than ever
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
just finished interviewing bellini for one of my finals in my comedy class and i'm losing my mind over bellini going on a tangent about how if he were grading my comedy over the past year he would give me an A+. like i didn't ask him to say that and it wasn't related to any of the questions i asked but you better believe i'm leaving that in to be like see professor? BELLINI gave me an A+!!!
#it was very sweet lmao and a great conversation over all#last time i was in town i told bellini a one-liner i came up with about the 2SLGBTQIA+ acronym having the exact qualifications#for a strong password (8 letters a number and a special character) and he said he's repeated it to several people#and it's always gotten a big laugh!! which is so cool!!! i'm not typically a ''joke'' writer my stuff is usually character-driven#so that's awesome that both bellini AND scott really loved that line!!#bellini in particular has been such a fan of my comedy since we first met (across multiple eras now)#like we met while i was working on my musical ''other girls'' and he was so excited to hear about it when i first mentioned it#and had me send him the recording as soon as i got it#and he's been so helpful in developing aubrey as a solo sketch character too#it's so cool having a professional comedian (especially one with such a meticulously good ear for comedy like bellini)#be as excited about my work as i am and be able to help me refine it into something even better#and especially as a queer comedian today who's finding it difficult to navigate this landscape of being ''bad representation''#bellini having been an openly gay comedy writer for almost double my lifetime is such a great resource to have!!#of course a lot of this is true for scott too (tho scott hasn't actually *seen* any of my comedy yet. he's just heard me tell jokes from it#but bellini is such a special mentor for me and i'm so happy we randomly connected over mouth congress over a year ago
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Nothing like being super into something highly visual to make me mourn my lack of artistic skills ;_;
#i'd do a million variations on the channeling the weave scene ft. gaila obviously#i was just thinking earlier about how impressed and excited larissa would be to channel the weave in that scene#communing with her goddess in such a material way!!!#but also i choose to believe that earlier#gaila is injured (she's a wizard. it's going to happen) and larissa is like: oh a thing i can help with! i'll heal you!#gaila (slightly woozy): thanks. tbh i kind of envy you for just being able to call on your god and have that power flow through you#larissa: i hadn't thought about it that way but i /am/ grateful to mystra for her favor :)#gaila: uhhhh grateful to who#larissa: not many of the temple sages are actually blessed by her so i have reason to appreciate it! let's see-#gaila: um. i. uhhh actually i'm not sure this will work#larissa: sure it will. my goddess always comes through. like so: gaila. by the power of mystra be healed!#*blast of divine power*#gaila (watching the skin of her arm heal before her eyes): that's ... i'm. very impressed.#anyway. but one of the super vivid-to-me scenarios playing out in my mind#anghraine babbles#fic talk#fic talk: gaila#anghraine whines#anghraine's gaming#pretty sure i sold my soul to larian studios#larissa x gale
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
What sorts of things or aspects do you like to get to know about a character and their story? Like, if you were to make some sort of form or layout, what criteria or questions would you ask?
#character creation#book writing#author#writing#i swear i’m writing#trying to turn a roleplay world into a proper book series but the main story won't be able to show all the work that my friends and I have#put into these characters and their stories#so it's almost necessary that I need a side series with multiple volumes and each volume talking about a set of characters and their stories#I love the silly little world in my head#please help me#I really want to market to the audience and make sure people like what they read 😭#why am I like this#also this story is about gods and pirates#I've spent the last year+ doing research on actual 17th century piracy in the Caribbean and it has a lot of influence from that#not your usual pirate story I can assure you#I'm so excited for this#the series is called Vivere#it's about the first plane of existence the gods actually created to maintain life#so you wonder why pirates?#because pirates#trust me this is going to be so good#the roleplay may have practically died but we still talk about it all the time#vivere planning
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
btw I think my main takeaway from the azubi meetup thingy this week was that most of the others were super excited to start their jobs 😬
#everyone was so niceys and asking me 'ooooh you must be so excited too‚ right?? :)'#and bc I'm a terrible liar I was like 'oh um haha I mean a little bit I guess maybe 🙂😐😬'#'oooh why did you apply for that job? what made you interested in that?'#'well. you see. I don't have a job. but my parents really want me to get one which makes sense. so I applied for 100 different jobs.#and these ones were the only ones who wanted to hire me! :) hope that helps!'#doddie redet#and I don't even know if I'll be able to do the job!! doing smth for 2 hours a day is super exhausting!!#how am I supposed to work a full time job!!#in conclusion. it feels like I'm stealing somebody's dream job even tho I don't even really want it or know anything about it.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHA I HAVE A PROJECTOR NOW
#ramblings of a lunatic#don't quite know how to work it yet BUT my dad's gonna do his best to help me out and see what we need when he gets home!#i am so fucking excited man#hope everything goes well and we're able to get it working#my friend izzy left the room for 15 minutes today during our free period and came back with the projector#and when i asked them where they got it they just said ''dont worry about it''#I'm gonna use it for a project in art But i am also going to conspire to take it home at the end of the year#the teachers aren't going to miss it (my schools trying to upgrade to fancy smart boards) and i wanna have outdoor movie nights!#so yeah. adventures in projection technology here i come ig!#(also the projector is named jenny <3)
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
spoke to my father over lunch about my future, the field of psychology & neuroscience, advocacy law, etc. and i’m honestly beginning to seriously look into being a professor, most likely of psychology. because what i’ve been grappling with a lot lately is an interest to go into clinical psychology, but also the fact that while doing that may leave me time to pursue research endeavors, i may lack time to actually pursue the ethics of the field of psychology & psychiatry. which as we all know, there are so many ethical problems with how psychology runs currently, the DSM-5 is a disaster, my father (bless him) is going to get me an autobiography about someone who was misdiagnosed six different times under the DSM-4 (iirc?). like there are so many things i want to tackle rather than just sitting there and upholding the system; there’s a lot of good in therapy but ideally i would want to be a therapist who actually seeks to change systemic problems.
i think the ideal future for me, honestly, would be if i could juggle being a therapist, a professor, and a lawyer all at once. whether i can actually do this is unlikely because that requires (1) having the ability to get all those degrees which would cost so much money and (2) having the fucking time to do any of this, while working a job, which would get me that aforementioned money. so i don’t think this is actually plausible, but like.
being a college professor sounds like a good lifestyle i think. be it for political science (which i’m still thinking about in terms of lifelong prospects) or for psychology, i would find that interesting. i am just wondering how i can adapt law into this so i can challenge some ethics constitutionally or within the field of psychology, because i know for certain i can only do one of those two if at all.
i don’t know. i’ve just been thinking about it. we’ll have to see where this all goes.
#nightmare.personal#sound the alarms mare is rambling about her life dreams again#see the lifestyle factor of being a professor is very appealing to me. yes busy with interacting with students researching etc BUT#i would get institutional funding for that research and get to work with students WHICH. is immensely appealing.#also if i am not able to do advocacy in a way that is really lasting for whatever reason#the next best thing is trying to help other people do that. i think.#i'm seventeen so i definitely have time to sort this out. and obviously all this banks on circumstances#but. i don't know. i'm really excited for my future
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
eeeeee the pure kotzebue boys that were on ice were used in a dual sired AI litter and they’re due at the end of june!!
#dogblr#alaskan malamute#this is SUPER exciting for me#but also something i think that should be said is that we must also be careful with inbreeding levelsl when breeding off these dogs#as they themselves are related#but i do think use of ai to bring in now deceased dogs is a really helpful thing for potentially lost genetic diversity#i think it will be interesting considering the very highly related percentage of these pedigrees#what the COI will be in these puppies#bc mom is a high % kotzebue#will it be less or more than other high % K dogs?#edit: note that when i mean super exciting for me i do not mean i am getting a dog#i just think its a really interesting project and i'm excited it was able to happen#always be thinking about#dogs being born now that could contribute to exciting breedings later#maybe when i can breed at any point lmao? thats why i get excited by certain dogs my breeder keeps#edit 2: high % k mom also has a working title and breeder regularly works her dogs so its def a breeding that i'd keep my eye on#and keep an eye on where those repsective pups go#i cannot imagine the breeder would let these dogs go to non breeding homes#unless they had a glaring issues
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hehe! I've had a really good birthday!!!
oh yeah. I need to update my profile!
#diary#personal#i had fun reading and relaxing. ive gotten a lot done lately and have been feeling well thanks to the help of coffee#...honestly i think thats my new miricle drug.#but yknow i feel super okay/good! idk. ive been having a lot of trouble lately but im just really happy today.#idk. i just love who i am i suppose? even with sensory issues pain and everything else going on i suppose.#idk. im excited to try and figure out what to do about it all tbh. havent felt like this for a while#im.still tired. and i really need help. but that coffee has been giving me enough energy to actual DO things#i havent been able to fold my laundry for months#barely able to even put in in the was tbh.#its been really rough.#really really rough. idk. i dont really share that part of things super often. being just exhausted and tired all the time#like. ive just had no energy to do anything. and if i force myself to it typically ends in a breakdown or something...#and if not im terrified ill push myself too far and cause one. haah. its very troublesome.#but. idk. its not something i really share bc i dont know how to explain or how others will.understand#unless its something youve experienced its not relatable.#its not really depression. its just. knowing your just one step away from being unable to do anything at all#and ive been teetering on that more and more lately. haah. this is why i was worried about working.#but. nothing wouldve changed even if i hadnt started. even on my best days ive always been one step away.#and to be honest its terrfying. im.scared in a way of living like this.#i love to learn. i have so much ambition. but it holds me back a lot.#to be honest ive been wondering if i need to get diagnosed with shit and go on disability#...but then i have days like this and its hard. because i know i cannot advocate for myself#haaah. how do you find all the resources for shit. translate your chinese to greek for everyone. and the energy to live?#you dont. thats why ive given up so so so many times before. but idk. i guess ive finally figured out that you can just pay someone#and idk. maybe im too hopeful in thinking that someone can organize my life for me until.i can?#this isnt even a joke. i wish it was. its terribly sad to be honest#i cant ask for help from my parents. and as much as i love my friend they have their own lives to live.#and honestly it really feels impossible to explain the depths of things like this to people sometimes.#thats sorta why i dont spend my money often unless i deem it nessisary. i dont know when i can earn more... haah. oh well.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
(Long post, sorry y'all)
A little more than two years ago now, my grandmother passed away. She and my grandpa had moved down to my home town a few years before so we could take care of them. I brought them groceries once a week, helped them write checks, fixed tvs, and found lost things. I was really close with my grandma.
In addition to her hilarious personality and dry wit, one of my favorite things about her was that she was a painter and a crafter like me! She used to crochet, and I took her to the craft store a couple of times so she could get more yarn and books on crochet. But her arthritis and the shaking in her hands kept getting worse, so she eventually had to stop.
She kept her most recent project, a granny square blanket, safely packed away in a plastic bin. She told all of us she was going to finish it one day.
Her hands never got better, and when she got sick, and we found out it was cancer, she rapidly deteriorated.
After she passed, I went to work helping my mom clean out my grandparents apartment so we could move my grandpa in with her. In our frantic cleaning, I found that bin again:
DOZENS of granny squares, dozens of half used skeins. I asked my mom what she wanted me to do with it, and she said she didn't care. I set it aside and later took it home.
Maybe a month later, that tumblr post about the Loose Ends Project was going around. It felt like a sign--I was never going to learn to crochet in order to finish my grandmother's blanket. But they might be able to help!
So I filled out the interest form. They got back to me SUPER quick. And maybe 2 weeks later, I was paired with volunteer in my state (only 2 hours away!) and the box of yarn, granny squares, and my grandmother's crochet hook were in the mail. That was at the end of January this year.
Over the next couple of months, my "finisher" emailed me regular updates on her progress, and asked me questions on my preferences for how she constructed the final blanket.
At the end of August, the blanket was done!
I had always intended the blanket to be a gift for my mother. So I cleaned it up, put it in the only bag I had big enough to fit it, and drove to my mom's. I gave the blanket to her and she was gobsmacked. I explained to her all about Loose Ends, and how someone volunteered to finish the piece for us. She was speechless. (I was quite pleased with this, because I am not the best at giving gifts, so this was a pretty exciting reaction!)
She said that it was the most thoughtful gift she had ever been given. She said "your grandma would love this". To which I replied, "yeah, I know she really wanted to finish it a couple of years ago". But that was when my mom dropped the bomb of a century on me--she told me that my grandma had started making those granny squares OVER 30 YEARS AGO. She had started the blanket when my grandpa was staying in the hospital, but that was back when my mom was younger than I am now! My grandma had packed them all away, planning on finishing it, when my grandpa was sent home from the hospital. Then it went from house to house, from condo in Chicago to their apartment in my hometown. All that time and my grandma had wanted to finish it, but couldn't. First because she was busy, then because she forgot how to do it, then because of her arthritis, and then because of the cancer. My mom said she had given up on expecting my grandma to finish it.
She said I brought a piece of her childhood with her mom out of the past.
And really, all of this is to say, if you have seen or heard about the Loose Ends Project and have an uncompleted project or piece from a loved one who has passed away--these are your people. They were so kind and treated my project with such care. That box probably would have been found by my own grandkids one day if I hadn't heard about Loose Ends.
Five stars, absolutely worth it!
(From what I understand, you can sign up to volunteer too! If you have time to share, it might be worth checking out!)
#loose ends#the loose ends project#joy knits#text#long post#knit#knitting#crochet#crocheting#craft#crafting#diy#crochetblr#yarnblr#yarn#knitblr
16K notes
·
View notes
Text
what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
#warm up#writeblr#this one has bothered me for a bit#any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime#hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying#as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing#like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts#why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge#''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it#ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace#if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!!#men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible#ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing#the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....
20K notes
·
View notes
Text
Ugh I accepted a job and I’m starting to have second thoughts
#it doesn’t pay well and it’s pretty far away from me#I can’t drive and my city has bad public transit so getting there and back is a hassle#just a lot of work for not much money#I won’t say exactly how much and I wanted to negotiate but I didn’t want to risk losing the offer#there’s aspects of the position that seem exciting which is what made me say yes but ugh the reality of it is starting to set in#I am going to try to learn to drive but it takes time and I’d have to take the highway so it might be a while before I’ll get to the point..#…where I’d be comfortable with it#I want to leave my parents house I hate living there it’s like I have no freedom at all but with this kind of money it’s not in the cards#I really don’t plan on staying for longer than a year it’s more of a foot in the door type thing#once I get a year of actual experience in the field I’ll be qualified for significantly higher paying positions in the field#I guess I was just hoping for more#during the interview the recruiter said she should be able to get me close to what I said was my desired pay but the offer was a lot lower#I really don’t like having to be so focused on money it’s so superficial and I don’t want to be the kind of person who only thinks about…#…money#but the fact is I will need to make decent money if I want to accomplish what I’m hoping to accomplish#idk this is all just word vomit and totally incohesive but I’m just feeling anxious about this whole transition#there’s aspects of retail I’m happy to be done with but at least I knew how to play the game with retail#and I know I’m good at it#I’m going to maybe try to make some money on the side#I’m thinking of setting up a red bubble with my photography to help bring in some additional money#or once I get used to the schedule of the new job work sometimes at my store too#I’d also like to use red bubble as like a wildlife conservation fundraiser#where like a portion of the proceeds for each photo would go to a related charity#like a photo of a tiger wild go to the organization Panthera for example#*would#but idk how to track all that#much less how to get traction on something like that
0 notes
Text
HAPPY UPDATE DAY!!! 🏠
After all this time, all this hard work, I can finally tell you all more about my work on Welcome Home beyond "Dude Just Trust Me I Work On It I Swear" !!
I've been calling myself the "production manager" because a lot of what I've done has been in that realm - making checklists and spreadsheets, doing research, sending emails, and generally keeping our wonderful team on track to do the incredible things they do, with all the support they need! I'm very lucky and grateful to get to support Clown and all the incredible actors and artists we've brought on!!
that said, over the time I've been part of this project (I looked back and realized February 1st this year is when it all Officially Began, can you believe it), I've gotten to work on some more obvious, visible things you'll find on the site today as well! most prominently, I am very proud to say, I was the curator of the very real Welcome Home exhibition!! Clown was extremely generous and supportive in letting me bring his work into the world this way, and with their help it became bigger and better than I ever could have dreamed! Though this iteration was very small and private due to our venue, I hope the few of you I know who attended enjoyed it very much, and for the rest, know we hope to find ways to host the exhibition in other and more public venues in the future! (Where and when, I don't know, but I'll work hard to make it happen...!)
As part of the exhibition, I was able to create a lot of new props to help build the world of Welcome Home! Most excitingly, I was able to create a real working toy telephone, and help Clown to find our talented group of voice actors to provide the recordings! And of course, I was able to meet dear sweet Wally and Home themselves, who were the sweetest little peanuts and a true pair of professionals! Just delights to work with!!
Though this was my most prominent contribution, somehow, that wasn't all! You will find bits and pieces of my art and writing all over the newest website update (some places more obvious than others...), and I was able to contribute to building many of the new and updated site pages as well! We've all worked so hard on everything you'll find there, so I hope you all enjoy the exciting new additions to the neighborhood!
My final little statement while I have my sweet little soapbox here... every last one of you who has provided support, even just one ko-fi tip, has Directly made this update Possible!! Not only do these tips allow us very literally to pay for supplies, art, voice work and the like, it very directly Supports and Improves the livelihoods of every single person involved!! so if you have the means, and would like to do so, please do consider tipping or subscribing to Clown and/or any of the other artists and actors involved!
And with all that... thank you, neighbors!! And Welcome Home!!
6K notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
naimnaqvi-blog
My Thoughts
worthlessbabyangel
unohda mut
ourownstrings
Our Own Strings
saniaeart
Saniae's Art
bestjuicersforyou
Best Juicers For You