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kayxleeee · 3 years

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Loki Laufeyson: Fatuous Love (Loki x Reader)

Warning: SMUT 18+ finger, oral.

A/N: I have PT2 and bait of pt 3, but idk if I’ll end up posting them.

Summary: Loki just wants to make you forget the fate that you can not escape.

Word Count: 2k+

*NOT MY IMAGE* Do not copy my work

“Do not speak of this again! I do not want to hear another word about this foolishness, (Y/n)!” Your father yelled at you sternly dismissing the complicated conversation at hand. “You will not behave this way when we are guest in this palace. How dare you act like such a child under the same awing as your future king!?”

You were the soon to be Queen of Asgard, set to marry the prince, Thor son of Odin, god of thunder and future king of Asgard. Any woman would be overly joyed to be in your shoes, but you personally could not stand the thought. It was an unchangeable fate that you could not bare, so for about the one-hundredth time you plead and beg your father to let you out of the arrangement.

“But father, I do not love him!” You cry out in frustration.

“THEN YOU WILL LEARN! This is berserk and if you ask me you are ungrateful and are no better than his fatuous brother! I will not tolerate this one more second!”He narrows his eyes and stares you down as if testing you to speak again. When you don’t, he storms out of your room slamming the door so hard you were sure the kingdom could hear its echo.

Unfortunately for you, you were in love with the wrong Allfather child. Loki was the one thing that you could not resist, your forbidden fruit if you will. He was not supposed to be yours, and you were not supposed to be his because it has been written in prophesy. Even when the three of you were children playing in the garden under the sun, you only had eyes for the mischievous one. It seemed that everyone in your family knew your fascination of the dark hair boy and it only grew fonder as you aged. Although the fascination was known, the extents of your relationship was oblivious to them all, even Thor. As adults, your relationship soon blossomed into more than just lust or want, but it became more of love and an urgent need to be around him. This feeling is why you fought so hard to get out of this arrangement with Odin Allfather, which ended with you marrying his first born son.

Loki was the most incredible being you had ever come to know. Arrogant? Yes. Mischievous? Absolutely. Selfish? Sometimes… But also in the same breath he was loving, with the most beautiful soul. For some reason he has always had a soft spot for you, even when he hated everyone else. He has always put you first, even before the two of you were romantically involved and he would do anything in his power to try and please you.

You angrily finish getting ready for bed, slipping your hair into a silk wrap and letting your night gown loosely flow against your skin. You get into your nicely made bed turning off the lamp that sat on your bedside table. You lay in the darkness of the room, over your soft sheets, wishing there was a way to get out of this marriage. You then see your door push ajar slowly as the light from the hallway illuminates the bedroom. The shine of the light quickly goes away as the door closes, just as it was opened.

“Fatuous?” You hear his familiar voice fill the silence of the room as he walks in. Your heart swells at the sound of his voice and butterflies filled the pit of your stomach. This is how he made you feel on a daily basis, just by being in his ever lasting presence. “He believes I am Fatuous.” He scoffs. “I may be many things, but I am without a doubt, unquestionably not Fatuous.” He chuckles slightly as he makes his way onto your bed.

“Loki, my love!” You smile ear to ear reaching your hands out to him as he climbed beside you, engulfing you into a warm embrace, his soft sleeping garments brushing against your skin. “I have not seen you all day.” You pout.

“That is because you have been busy all day, with my idiotic brother.” He reminds you. “Although I am fond of your father, I thought he would never leave.” He says referring to the argument he overheard. “And I am not fatuous.”

“I know my love.” Is all you say as the two of you lay there quietly in each other’s embrace enjoying every moment of it. The warmth of each other and the rhythms of your breath was all you needed to feel close to him. “I love you…” You mumble breaking the silence. “And I’m sorry this is set in the prophecy”

“You say this every time we meet.”

“Because I am— it makes this venture so much more miserable.”

He sighs loudly shaking his head, “Please, we can speak of it another time. Tonight we shall just enjoy each other.” He smiled as he places a kiss to your temple.

You wished it could only be that easy. He did not understand that the time was winding down quickly and in a few short months you would be marrying Thor, and all of this would have to end, regardless of how either of you felt.

“But of course,” He speaks again as he switches his position slightly, “that won’t stop you from worrying will it?” He lets out a small chuckle to himself, already knowing your mind is going around in unusual circles.

“Of course you know me.” You let out a slight giggle as he runs his hands over your sides, the pads of his finger tips tickling you as he caressed.

“Well, what if I said I have a remedy.” He coos smoothly, mischief in his voice.

His hands begin to travel down the side of your curves, outlining every inch that he could over your night gown. He slides it up slowly as he begins to caress your hips with one hand and make his way down the shape of your thigh with the other. His fingers sneakily pads to the inner of your thigh, sliding in between pressing them apart slightly and you shift your position so that you are laying on your back instead of your side.

“Loki…” You say in a low voice.

“Yes?” He says inching away from you and positioning himself in between your legs. “Remember when we first met each others acquaintance? Meek children I suppose, enjoyed sweet treats and childs play. Now look at us, adults with weakness in each other. You are my weakness, my dear.”

You lay there with your legs spread apart, giving him access as he continues to trail his finger down your thighs and then back up. He grips each thigh in either hand as a smirk played against his lip. He takes his hand raising up your night gown completely exposing the dark black color of your satin underwear. He rubs his hand over your covered core, causing your breath to hitch into your throat.

“Loki.” His name falls from your mouth again, this time in a desperate whisper as the feeling of need is building up in your core. “What are you doing?”

“Whatever you would like me to be doing your highness?” This came out in a low growl, sending chills over you. He continues his hand movements on your covered pussy.

“We shouldn’t.” You bite down on your bottom lip to stop yourself from letting out any type of moan.

“What would you like me to be doing (Y/n)?” He repeats himself now tugging at your underwear. “Live a little my pet, nothing will change our fait, we might as well enjoy our time together. Even if this is the last night I every intention to pretend that you are all mine. Oh my beauty, there’s no need for you to feel sorry for yourself, when I can help you forget.” He smirks.

“I want you to help me forget.” You follow his words.

“Then that shall be what I do.” He says confidently as he places kisses down your inner thigh, leading them to your core. His confidence and skill was what aroused you quickly as you felt his hot breath. His tongue delicately rolls over your clit, his skillful rolls making you wet almost immedietly. He massages the inside of your thigh as he continues to lap his tongue over your pussy.

“You are so beautiful.” He marvels lifting your thighs over his shoulders for better access. “And all mine.”

He skillfully connects his entire mouth to the fabric open mouth kissing and rolling his tongue all over your parts. You moan at the new sensation of him hiking up your undergarments causing friction against your clit as he soaks them with his mouth.

Loki pulls away only to pull off your now soaking wet underwear “Look at you, so beautiful.” He admires you again helping you out of them and then going back down to get back to work, this time sloppier.

In no time you are a moaning mess. He laps his tongue around your clit down to your entrance, over and over again. Your moans get progressively louder as he continues the movements of his tongue causing a sloshing noise from the wetness.

“Ohhh.” Is all you could manage out as you grip his dark hair and barrie his face deeper into your pussy. “Don’t stop.” You moan breathlessly, the noises from your wetness enough to make you cum.

He lets out a growl into your core, the vibrations sending you into over drive. As you run your fingers through his hair you arch your back bucking your hips, needing him to keep going. He removes his mouth pushing your hips down, grounding you down to the bed as he slipped a finger into your wet folds. You throw your head back has he adds another, moaning all types of profanity.

“Listen to me (Y/n), while you marry my brother, I want you to remember how I’m making you feel in this moment. All wet for me not him.” He says maliciously. “Who’s making you feel so good?” He asked this while gliding his thumb over your clit fast as he thrust his fingers into you hitting that sweet spot that makes your toes curl.

“I’m so close Loki! My love I’m so close…” You moan louder as you roll your hips, grinding on to his fingers as they fuck you.

Loki thrusts is fingers into you faster, meeting your grinds while hitting your g spot. You felt the familiar warm feeling spreads from the bundle of nerves that is your clit to the pit of your belly as you began to cum over his hands.

After you come down from your high, he finds his way back up to you lying next to you as you shift positions to lay on his chest.

“You're too good to me and I can’t live without you.” You say feeling the warmth of his body as he wrapped his arms around you tightly. “But we can’t keep doing this.”

“I think we can.” He chuckles to himself. “They all are incompetent, so I think we can manage our time.” He says rubbing small circles onto your back. “ They hardly even notice you’re involved with someone who isn’t their beloved prince. “ Loki sighs.

“There is no way for me to get out of it.” You relax in his embrace and trace the lines of the sleeping garment he has on. “It will be a sad lonely life of being Thor Odisons wife.”

“Listen to me,” His voice is now more serious. “... you need not to worry about that because it most certainly won’t be a sad lonely life. You will have me (Y/n), and I will not be going anywhere.” He kisses your head. “I most certainly do not say this quite enough, but I love you .”

You sighed. You knew his words were kind, but there was no point in pretending this wasn’t pointless. The only thing that was fatuous, was loving someone and not having them completely. Love is the fatuous one.

“I love you too” You finally mumble before closing your eyes ready to drift off to sleep as he continues rubbing soothing circles around your back.

Comments, Questions, Opinions :)

See more of what I have written so far: Masterlist

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kirinda-ondo · 3 years

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You know him, you either love or hate him (or are moderately confused by my sudden dive into this hyperfixation); we're talking about Orko because I have a lot of feelings.

As a disclaimer, I am not gonna claim to be some kind of superfan. I am not aware of every single iteration of the lore and all of its secrets. I don't know anything about the DC comics. I'm only halfway through the 2002 series as of me writing this. I am not someone you want to have discussions on the wider Masters of the Universe.... universe with. However, after watching Revelation, the entire Filmation He-Man (and some of She-Ra, cause he was there too), and going on a deep dive of storybooks, annuals, and minicomics courtesy of He-Man.org and the lovely people who submitted their scans there, I do feel pretty qualified to at least talk about Orko.

So, with all that being said, I'd like to get into a little bit of backstory, if only for my followers who came to this blog for completely different things and are wondering where the hell my love for this funky little wizard dude came from all of a sudden. Truth is, Orko is actually one of my earliest faves! Mind you, I only had limited access to Masters of the Universe as a kid, only seeing a couple of rented VHS tapes and later getting my hands on a small pile of the Golden Books from Goodwill, but apparently it was enough for Orko to imprint himself into my brain. However, also due to my limited exposure, he kind of got shifted to the back of my head as I got deeper into other things. I still knew for a fact I liked Orko a lot though, even if I couldn't quite remember why anymore.

And then Masters of the Universe: Revelation dropped on Netflix. I'm not gonna get into my opinions of that show lest I open a flood of irrelevant discourse (for those uninitiated, it is a bit... divisive, to say the least). However my feelings on the matter did encourage me to go and watch the original and well, holy shit I love Orko more now than I could have ever comprehended as a kid. He is THE quintessential underappreciated comic relief character I tend to gravitate towards, and then some.

But before I get into that, let me back up a bit and explain. Orko is a Trollan, a race of magical little dudes that are basically floating sweaters with hats and covered up faces. Out of these Trollans, Orko is an incredibly fucking OP archmage. Like, they straight up call him Orko the Great, he's so powerful. But then, he gets caught in a freak storm that whisks him away from his home dimension and into Eternia. Immediately, he runs into a young Prince Adam, who is trapped in a swamp/tar pit and needs rescuing. Orko, being the upstanding lad that he is, uses his magic to save him but in the process loses the item that allows him to focus his magic to the swamp (in the 80s version, it's a medallion, but in the 2002 series, it's a wand). Worse yet, the magic (and dare I say the very laws of physics) in Eternia works pretty much the opposite as it does in Trolla, so he's been incredibly nerfed.

So basically, Orko is trapped in a topsy-turvy world away from friends and family, a world with magic he is fundamentally incompatible with. Ouch. He's not completely screwed, however, as he is rewarded by the king and queen for his heroism and appointed... the court jester. Double ouch. He surprisingly doesn't seem to mind though. He genuinely does enjoy entertaining people, even when his tricks only ever work like half the time because he's basically a Mac program trying to run on a Windows computer.

It's not all horrible though, as he does quite literally get adopted by the royal family and thus sort of become the entire palace's weird son/little brother (despite being older than many of them. He's very, very child-coded largely for the purposes of being a stand-in and example lesson to the actual children watching). But also, more importantly, he becomes one of the very select few to know that Adam and He-Man are one and the same.

But outside of secret-keeping, he is actually a pretty valuable ally to have against Skeletor and his dudes because even though his magic is kind of screwed up, when it does work, he's still one of the most powerful mages on Eternia. In various materials, he's created floods, a second winter, and hell, he can literally explode himself and still be perfectly fine. He's also really clever and can weasel his way out of a number of situations. In one episode, for instance, he manages to convince someone that he's He-Man and Adam is his "assistant" in order to free him from captivity so the day has a better chance of actually being saved. He's also got the ability to just be really frustrating and incomprehensible to the point that villains who capture him sometimes either don't want him or don't know what to do with him anymore, which is honestly really funny. In an episode of She-Ra, the villains tried to scan his brain but because the inner machinations of his mind are that much of an enigma, he got diagnosed a weirdo and broke the entire machine. Absolutely delightful.

However, there's a lot more to Orko than just comedy and bungled magic. He's actually surprisingly complex!

See, going into this, I expected Orko's whole situation be played entirely for laughs while the sadder implications of his existence go entirely unaddressed. Coming off the heels of characters like Cobalt and others I enjoy, I'm used to this sort of treatment by writers. But they actually don't do that. The depressing subtext is for once, actually TEXT, which was INCREDIBLY surprising to me. We actually get to see another side of him, a side that hates that he can't be taken seriously no matter what he does, a side that is well aware of all the trouble he causes and feels like a burden to those around him. He actually runs away on multiple occasions, fully believing that he's unloved and everyone would be better off without him, even if that couldn't be further from the truth (a point which the Sorceress hammers home with multiple straight up magical video presentations, and in the 2002 series, a literary adaptation, of why he is loved and important).

Underneath all the hyping himself up that he does, there's a lot of insecurity. He's someone who desperately wants to be loved and respected and feels that without funny magic tricks to entertain people, he has no inherent value (which is incredibly relatable if you are also known by people as The Funny One). At one point he agrees with the notion that he doesn't feel like much more than a pet, which is absolutely heartbreaking. Even when he gets the ability to go back and forth between Eternia and Trolla, his feelings of inadequacy now extend toward his family, worrying that his own uncle, the one who taught him everything he knows and greatly contributed to him being Orko the Great back home in the first place, wouldn't be proud of him. Being on Eternia highkey wrecked his shit, man.

However, even when given the opportunity to go back home for good, he always chooses to stay because he's loyal as hell. Even if he needs some reminders, he does know he's needed not just in the fight against evil, but just because his friends and newfound family genuinely love him. It's heartbreaking, but also incredibly wholesome. I did not even remotely expect a comic relief character like this to get this much depth and respect from the writers, especially not from the incredibly campy and cheaply animated 80s series. I am genuinely so unused to this.

But I think that's also what separates him a bit from his fellow Silly Kid Appeal Characters That Kids Fucking Hate ala Snarf Thundercats or Scrappy Doo. He not only makes a concerted effort to be an actually useful ally, but he's also in fact very self-aware of his status as one of these characters. He knows he screws up a lot but he actually tries to accept responsibility and fix it. It makes me wanna root for the lil dude. Now I understand if someone isn't a fan of the brand of humor he brings to the table, or feel like he's simply a distraction from the Cool Buff Dudes Fighting Each Other, but I hope you can see why he might also be a really appealing character to other people, both kids and adults alike. I mean, he was popular enough to be embedded into the canon despite originating from the cartoon and not the toyline for a reason, after all.

Orko is a fun, entertaining, but also complex, heartwarming, and relatable character. I know there is a faction of people that would disagree with me, but I don't think you need to change him all that much or make him a super serious character to be more appealing. He's already got a lot going on that a writer could easily work with. It all just depends on where you decide to focus. Take a lesson from the show and accept that he's fine just the way he is.

#kateh rambles #a defense of orko (aka 'i can't believe the subtext is actually TEXT this time')#i feel like there's more i could say but i can't get my thoughts organized let alone enough to have it flow with the rest of this #so there could be a part 2 at some point? maybe? i don't know #orkoposting

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sableu3 · 3 years

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Day 37

100 Days of 100 Prompts

Clarke jerks up and looks around with wide eyes. Everything around her seems much larger than normal like it was made for someone twice her size and it’s that detail that sticks out to her first. Then she sees the actual objects and metal walls and knows she’s on the ark, or part of it. She doesn’t remember the rooms being so large though. As she stumbles out of bed she notices her feet and hands are smaller and her center of gravity is different. She stumbles on skinny legs and looks down at herself in horror. Her first thought, embarrassingly, is ‘My boobs are gone.’ Her next thought as she stares at her gangly limbs is, ‘What age am I?’ She rushes out of her room and over to her parents room. She slides the door open and runs up to her dad who looks younger than she ever remembers seeing him before. “Dad!” She shakes his shoulder and he grumbles, “Dad! Get up!” “What is it, pumpkin?” He mumbles as he sits up in bed. “How old am I right now? What year is it?” She’s actually in a full blown panic by the time he squints at her. Jake rubs his hand over his face and sighs before getting up and leading her into the living room. He sits on the couch and Clarke doesn’t exactly scramble up but it’s a close thing, she has to hop a bit for her butt to clear the cushion. “Now, what’s this all about? Did you have a bad dream?” “No. When I went to bed last night I was 24 years old and my daughter was sleeping next to me. When I woke up I looked like this and we are back on the Ark. I have no idea what’s going on but I need to get back to Madi. God!” She bursts out as another thought occurs to her, “Bellamy is going to panic when he finds out I’m gone. Dad, I have to get back to my family!” She’s breathing sharply and Jake is fully awake after her mini tirade. “Okay, calm down Clarke.” His mind races, “You said you were 24 when you went to bed last night. You have 24 years worth of memories or did you just dream of being older?” He’s trying to get her to see logically that this is just a product of a dream. “No, I have 24 years worth of memories. Ask me anything.” Clarke understands his process by now and knows he will need to work through his own steps to come to terms with this. The familiar cool logic of her dad does help to calm her though. “Okay, What do we do for your birthday next year?” “I don’t even know how old I am right now so I don’t know which birthday you’re asking about.” She rolls her eyes at him. He smiles and answers, “You’re six Clarke.” She nods and then thinks, “That was a really long time ago. I know Wells got sick for one of my early birthdays. You got me a sketchpad for my 8th birthday.” She tries to think back but huffs in exasperation, “It doesn’t matter, it’s not like you’ll know if I’m telling the truth or not.” She thinks about it for a minute and tries to think if there is anything she knows, that she shouldn’t at this age, that would prove her story. “Okay, look, I’m just gonna tell you what I remember happening.”

[She can tell him football scores from the games they watched when she was older. He can check on the tv/tablet She tells him about the oxygen problem and going to earth. That there are people there who survived and they can too but another apocalypse is coming. She tells him about Bellamy and his sister Octavia after SWEARING him to silence on the matter. Like, don’t you dare do anything to hurt them! She explains everything that happened on the ground and about the grounders. He takes it all in and looks stunned. He grabs a recorder and asks her to start over. She huffs out a sigh but does and he stops and asks her questions sometimes. She answers. She even speaks a couple phrases in Trig for him and explains the language. They take a break and Abby wakes up at some point and goes to work after being vaguely waved off by Jake. “So you believe me?” Clarke asks. Jake looks mildly disturbed, “There are too many details for this to be a random dream. I don’t know what I believe other than that I need to look into this. If any of this is true… “ He shakes his head and they start again. Maybe he asks if she knows where Bellamy lives, wants to verify Octavia. She tells him everything she knows about the Blakes but other than the fact that they’re from Factory station she has no idea where to find them. He looks it up and they head off. She again swears him to silence and makes him promise to not hurt them or scare them. Aurora answers the door and Bellamy is still there (maybe its the weekend and not a school day) Clarke grins and rushes up to hug Bellamy. Jake smiles nervously and asks if they can come in and talk to her about something. They step in and Aurora shuts the door behind her. There’s no couch or anything to sit on, it’s just one room. He apologizes and explains that his daughter had this crazy dream about Bellamy and Octavia and thinks they are going to go to Earth with her. Aurora is freaked out obviously. Jake can see it in her face and rushes to reassure her that they wont tell anyone, he justed wanted to verify his daughters story because it’s crazy but it could save lives. And maybe Bellamy or Octavia remembers too. Maybe O knocks on the floor and Bellamy jumps before giving his mom a nervous look. She nods and they open the hiding spot for O to crawl out.

She has a triumphant look on her face and rushes to hug Clarke. “I told him it was true, they didn’t believe me! Hi Clarke!” “Octavia! You remember it all too?” She’s stunned and excited. “Getting locked up in the skybox, Bel shooting that asshole to get on the drop ship and coming to earth with us, Lincoln.” The last bit is said so wistfully that Clarke hugs her. “What’s the last thing you remember? For me, it was six years after praimfaya and fucking McCreary dropped that hydrolythium bomb on Shallow Valley. We had just made it up to the Eligius ship and were figuring out what to do. I went to sleep with Madi in my arms and then woke up here.” “Same for me. I remember talking to Diyoza and getting left out of those discussions.” Her voice is slightly bitter which sounds odd on a five year old. Clarke’s face scrunches up, “O,” she hesitates. Octavia waves it off, “No, I get it. I was Blodreina. I don’t know if I can be redeemed from that.” Clarke’s features harden, “You did what you had to do to ensure the survival of your people.” She falters a moment and then adds, “in the bunker. Out of it… “ She gives a big sigh, “It’ll just take some time. You know all the things Bellamy and I have put each other through and we always forgive each other.” Octavia snorts, “That’s different. It’s you and Bellamy. The two of you would die for each other. In fact, you have.” She says pointedly, “You stayed behind during Praimfaya so that he could make it back to the ring and live. No matter how much shit you put each other through,” O shakes her head, “It was a shitty situation for everyone. You forgave him for putting the flame in your daughters head, Clarke. He’ll forgive you for leaving him in the fighting pits to save her.” She hesitates and then adds, “I am sorry by the way... for sending out that assassin.” Clarke bites her lip and then shakes her head, “You had to have known I would kill him. I don’t know why you tried honestly. But I get why you did it. We’ll be okay.”

Jake and Aurora are stunned. Bellamy is just looking back and forth between them as they talk. Bellamy would be 11 years old right now.

“Even if it was a really detailed dream, kids don’t talk like that. Hell, adults don’t talk like that. That’s not normal, right?” He asks as he looks to Aurora. She shakes her head vaguely with her mouth still hanging open.

“Um, sorry, dad. We’ll switch to trig for personal conversations so we don’t freak you out.” “I don’t think it would help much to hear my daughter speaking in another language she learned on the ground.” Clarke shrugged, “It might.”

So anyway, Bellamy starts asking questions now that he knows it’s real. He humored O before but he pays more attention now. Octavia has no problem answering any of them but Clarke reminds her he’s still just a kid and tells her to not freak him out too much. O snorts, “At least I don’t have to deal with you two making gooey eyes at each other at this age.” Clarke kicks her lightly

Later they go to bed and wake up when they are older. Do they time jump to like 10-11 years old and then 15-16 and so on or just all the way back to the future? If we do short jumps forward, we can see more gradually how things happen. Like maybe the first five years are spent trying to fix the oxygen. Then after that it’s about getting the exodus project up and running. Maybe Abby runs for chancellor and gets it instead of Jaha. Maybe with each jump the memories get fuzzier because the past is changing. So eventually they get the Ark fixed up to last a while longer and take the exodus down early. They will be dealing with a young Lexa as commander and Clarke or Jake in Clarke’s place will warn her about Costia’s capture by Queen Nia. So they have time to explain to Lexa, deal with the bunker situation, get night blood made, negotiate with the mountain men, and find another bunker to fix up like The Greenbrier in WV. Obviously the Blakes get on the Exodus. Maybe they hold a lottery for all stations to have a chance once they have the essential personnel selected. Clarke of course argues for certain people and warns against others. So they are on the ground and praimfaya is over and eden is crawling with scientists and farmers and builders. They use Monty’s algae idea to make the soil arable and start trying at the edges of eden and around the bunkers. Eligius comes down and gets accepted easily(ish) after someone snipes McCreary. Or Jake explains the situation to Diyoza and she does it herself. So they’ve got homes built and a farm and are spreading out and repopulating when Clarke and Octavia come to. They are shocked by the differences and their old memories start to fade and have that dream like quality to them. Octavia is married to Lincoln and they have a two year old daughter. Clarke is married to Bellamy and they have a kid or two as well. Everyone is happy. HEA

(Just to explain a bit of my thought process: They couldn’t just stay in their younger bodies with their older memories because then Clarke and Bellamy would never be equals at all. So they go back to being kids with no memories of what happened but Jake has his recording and Clarke was thorough. The two families remain close and of course Bellamy remembers what the girls talked about. Eventually when she is old enough, they do develop crushes on each other and try dating. The girls had everything explained to them when they were old enough but don’t really remember it, until later at least and by then it just seems like a bad dream.)

#the100 #bellarke #fanfic #prompt #100daysof100

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kiarcheo · 3 years

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It’s All Coming Back to Me Now 4/?

To read on Ao3 click here

You can read the previous parts on Tumblr click here

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By the time Anne announces she is ready to present a first version of her song, everyone is quite curious to see what she cooked up.

‘I thought about what Anna and Kat said last time. About making it modern…and have everyone involved.’ Anne explains as Kat once again sets up her laptop. ‘So Kat is doing the chorus, which would be your parts.’

Grew up in the French Court Oui, oui, bonjour

Laughter immediately follow the exaggerated French accent coming from the queen who speak the language as fluently and perfectly as her native one.

All the British dudes, lame

Catalina and Anna share a look as Kat chimes in with ‘epic fail’. They had bonded over being shipped to a foreign country not knowing a single word of English to marry some random dude...They are not going to have problems singing that part like they mean it.

(Ooh) I wanna dance and sing (Politics) Not my thing

Catalina barely restrains a snort. Definitely her thing.

(You sent him kisses) I didn't know I would move in with his missus (What?) Get a life (You're living with his wife?)

Kat is extremely convincing at acting shocked at Anne’s actions and then clearly uncomfortable at the next verse, looking down at her feet.

(Ooh) Don't be bitter (Ooh) 'cause I'm fitter (Ooh) Why hasn't it hit her? He doesn't want to bang you Somebody hang you

‘Do you really have to use that language?’ Jane asks after they have all complimented Anne for her song.

‘What? Bitch?’ It’s quite clear to everyone that Anne is trying to rile Jane up. ‘If Catalina can say shit, why can’t I say bitch?’

Both Catalina and Anna nod at Anne’s words. Jane sends her a not-impressed look. She knows she is now repeating that word on purpose now, just to annoy her.

‘They don’t actually say it. Neither of them.’ Kat points out, raising her eye for the first time since half-way through the song, but still avoiding looking at Catalina.

'Moving on,’ Jane concedes, ‘while I technically understand all the words, there are some parts I don’t really...what xo means?’ Unlike Anne, Anna and Kat, Jane had not immediately taken to modern pop culture. At the moment she is trying to understand memes, much to the others’ amusement. They even have a group chat just devoted to sending her memes and gifs to see what she thinks they are and then explaining them. Most of the time Jane regrets having joined the chat and she would just abandon it if she didn’t know that they would add her back in immediately…and also that it’s all good-natured teasing.

‘Hugs and Kisses. Like, if you text someone and you sign off with xo it stands for that. X for kisses and O for hugs.’

'Aaah-’ Jane nods. That makes sense. That’s why Kat followed that line with ‘you sent him kisses’. ‘What about x-rated? It's kisses related too?’

‘In a way.’ Anne guffaws.

‘When something has a x rating, it’s because it’s very explicit. For adults only.’

The others look mildly amused at her innocence and Cathy’s explanation, but Anna is sure Jane will be uncomfortable once she realises. ‘Sex, Jane.’ She cuts it short.

‘You know what?’ Jane’s face is aflame. ‘If you give me the words, I’m going to look them up for myself.’

‘Can I talk to you for a second?’ Jane stops Kat as the meeting wraps up.

‘Want me to wait for you?’ Catalina asks.

‘If you don’t mind.’ Kat sends her a smile, before turning her attention to Jane.

‘I wanted to ask if you could help me out with my song. You wrote Catalina’s, right?’

‘Well, she wrote the words, I just played around, adjusted some bits and added others, you know, for rhymes and rhythm, and stuff like that.’

‘It’s just that...I know what I want to say, but words have never been my strong suit.’ Jane admits self-consciously. ‘If you could help me with that too. And the music. Obviously. To use Anne’s words. Not my thing.’ Jane smiles self-deprecatingly.

‘I would love to!’ Kat smiles encouragingly. ‘Have you thought about what type of sound are you lookin...’ she trails off seeing the slight panic on her face. ‘Why don’t you just make a list of singers and songs that you like? And that you’d like your song to...well, not be similar, but you know?’

Jane nods. That she gets. They agree on meeting up soon to start working on the lyrics and that meanwhile Jane will send Kat songs to get inspirations for the music part.

‘Everything okay?’ Catalina asks as they fall into step.

Kat hesitates for brief second. She will know anyway once she starts spending a lot of time out of the house with Jane, just like she did while working on Anne’s song. Probably even more. And the others will find out when they present it. Make no sense to keep it secret. ‘She just wanted to ask for my help with her song.’

‘What about you?’ Kat asks after a bit, noticing the expression on Catalina’s face. ‘Are you upset about Anne’s song? I’m really sorry about...well, you know what part.’

‘Did you write it?’

‘No!’

‘Exactly.’ Catalina had noticed how uncomfortable the girl had looked and how she had avoided eye contact with her pretty much up until they had finished the meeting and she had spoken to her directly, asking whether she should wait for her or not. ‘Besides, she says it herself, she didn’t really mean it.’

‘Then what is it?’

‘Are you okay with all the...losing your head jokes?’

‘Not really bothered to be honest.’ Kat shrugs. She had time to get used to Anne joking about it and she can see the appeal. She had mentioned it to Cathy, who said something about using humour to cope with trauma and grief. ‘But I know it’s not that. What’s on your mind?’

Catalina sighs. Sometimes having someone knowing you backfires. And Kat does know her. Perhaps a little too well. ‘I know that she is playing around a lot. The “just want to have fun” vibe. The slang. Playing up the airhead persona. Blatantly lying about the politics thing.’ She shakes her head. Everyone who knows about Anne Boleyn will know that is not true. ‘But that line about her father...’ she trails off. She never really considered the role family politics might have played into the whole affair. She always assumed it had been all Anne.

‘That’s something you should ask her.’ Kat says after a beat. Her loyalty will always be to Catalina, but they are not pitted against each other anymore. She loves Anne as well and won’t betray her confidence. And this is a perfect example of why, at the time, which now feels like ages ago, she had requested not to be asked about the other queens, but for everyone to take it up with the person in question. ‘Just because you’re my mom it doesn’t mean rules don’t apply to you.’ Kat winks at her cheekily in an effort to lighten up the mood. Rationally she knows Catalina won’t be upset and will respect her wish not to talk about it. But she can’t help feeling like she is letting her down, disappointing her.

‘I’m proud of you.’

'Why?’

Because she is still caring and sweet despite everything and everyone? Because she never hesitates to use her talents to help others? Because she knows that the little girl who served her and whose priority was to please her is still very much present in Kat, no matter how many times she tells her that she is her daughter now, not her attendant, but here she is, in a way, standing up to her, to protect Anne’s privacy?

Kat sounds genuinely confused and it breaks Catalina’s heart. Every. Single. Time. She will keep telling her until one day Kat’s reaction won’t be surprise and incredulity.

‘I’d need a third lifetime to list all the reasons. But I’m always proud of you.’ Catalina slips her hand so that she is holding the crook of Kat’s elbow, now walking arm in arm. ‘Siempre, querida, siempre.’

When it comes to Jane’s turn, the set-up is a bit different. Upon Jane’s request, Kat is going to play the keyboard instead of having a track playing on her laptop. Despite Kat’s encouragement, Jane still doesn’t feel fully confident...especially about some parts of her song. More than once she suggested to take those out, afraid of chocking or freezing when singing in front of other people. Since when they had practiced with Kat on the keyboard, if Jane changed anything, the younger girl had been able to adapt the music on the spot...they had agreed that Kat will play and follows Jane’s lead, if she decides not to go full-out.

‘I’m sorry...you were the one worried about us singing ourselves??’ Anne breaks the silence that had settled as Jane’s song winded down.

‘Yes, girl!’ Anna agrees. ‘That’s some set of pipes.’

‘We might actually have a problem finding people who can sing that. Between you and Catalina...’ Cathy joins in. The new version of the first queen’s song had some new lines, minor changes and tweaks. And lots of riffing, with Catalina fully making the song hers while Kat had sung the added choruses.

‘I was surprised myself.’ Jane admits bashful at the praises. ‘We went through...scales?’ she looks at Kat to make sure she is saying it right.

‘Yes, I wanted to find her vocal range. See what was within her natural reach, how high she could get…and she kept going up and up.’ Kat nods with a laugh, remembering the scene and how shocked they had both been when they realised the potential of Jane’s voice. Once Kat heard her, she knew she simply had to include some whistle notes.

‘I think some vocal training would be good.’ Anne raises her hands at the looks she receives. ‘I don’t mean it like that. I already said that! Just...one thing is doing that once. Another is doing it repeatedly and consistently…and doing it well.’

‘She has a point.’ Everyone who had ever taken vocal lessons agree.

‘It’s like with playing an instrument or dancing. You might have talent, but you need to cultivate it. Study. Practice. Train.’

‘Talking about dancing,’ Catalina starts, ‘what do we think about choreographies? Jane’s song doesn’t lend itself, but I have some ideas for mine.’

Kat looks at her, raised eyebrow and amused expression on her face. Some ideas? She basically has choreographed half of the song already.

The exchange is missed as Anne exclaims. ‘Me too!’

Jane groans. ‘Not that too. I just solved one problem.’

‘Please,’ Anna scoffs good-natured at her, ‘next thing we know you’ll be popping and locking like a pro.’

‘I have no idea what you just said.’ Jane deadpans.

Anne and Catalina are still staring at each other. Kat and Cathy look from one to the other. The first two queens were both renowned, among a lot of other things, for being accomplished and skilful dancers. Things had gone quite smoothly so far, but they learned during their cohabitation to never underestimate what could start a squabble…or worse.

‘So,’ Anne clears her throat, suddenly awkward, ‘team up?’

Catalina ponders in silence a bit longer. ‘You know what? Why not!’

She doesn’t miss the relieved looks on the last two queens’ faces, before they turn to each other with excited grins. She supposes that her girl is happy that she is trying to get along with her cousin, whom she got even closer since they worked on Anne’s song together, and Cathy is probably happy with how her project is taking shape, and that others besides her (and Kat) are showing initiative. And both are probably happy that a potential quarrel had been avoided. The last two queens had been the ones most uncomfortable when discussions would happen at the household.

‘Anyone has anything else to add before we adjourn the meeting?’

‘Ohh, so profesh!’ Anne teases Cathy.

‘I actually have.’ Kat speaks up. ‘I thought about your idea of having an intro song...what if we make it about what we are known for?’

‘Oh. Like, this is what you think you know about us. Then bam! We have our songs that rewrite the whole history.’ Anna picks it up immediately.

‘Making it…her-story,’

Everyone turns to look at Jane, who appears very proud of her pun. Kat is the one who reacts first. Having spent long hours with her cousin while writing her song, she has come to know her love for puns and – usually lame – jokes. She whips out her pen to scribble something down on her pink notebook, before raising her head again. ‘But yes, Anna, that’s exactly what I meant.’

‘That makes sense.’ Anne nods.

‘We should include that stupid rhyme.’ Kat muses aloud. ‘You know, divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived...wait. Wait.’ she raises one hand as to silence the others while with her other hand she is busy writing on her notebook.

‘We are waiting.’ Catalina informs her, tone amused. ‘Not sure what for, though.’

Kat doesn’t reply until she stops writing. She gives a long look at the words she penned. ‘What about.

I'm done 'cause all this time I've been just one word In a stupid rhyme

‘We could use that as an actual intro!’ Anne lights up. ‘Like. Divorced and Catalina enters. Beheaded and I do. And so on.’

‘I haven’t started to think about that song at all.’ Cathy admits. She is slowly putting together her own. There is so much she wants to say and not much time…in a song. Sometimes she wishes she had less time to write, that she was not the last queen, because then she would have to take what she got and present it, instead of agonizing over every single word and whether there is a better one to use. ‘But just like this, on the spot...I think that stupid rhyme,’ she sends a smile to Kat, ‘could also work as refrain?’

#six the musical fanfiction #six the musical #catherine and katherine #six fanfiction #six writing #my six posts #six fanfic #six the musical fic #fic: It’s All Coming Back to Me Now #six the musical fanfic #six fic #mywork #my ideas #my posts

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popcornbutterflymedia · 3 years

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ORIGIN STORIES IN THE FINER DETAILS. four sisters and a wedding is one of those classic star cinema movies that is so grand it has a life of its own, a life that is growing exponentially larger in time, through quotable quotes, memes, and the place it occupies in pinoy pop culture. i’d watched this movie in the cinemas just as i had almost all star cinema movies for as long as i can remember. i may have written about it too, i cannot remember. i do not remember writing, not because it was forgettable, but because the movie is self-explanatory, the movie stands on its own two feet that words were unnecessary.

the news of a prequel to the 2013 hit was curious. a movie as iconic in its grandeur, comedy, and what seemed, on the surface, like a caricature of the filipino family, surely did not need a prequel. it was too risky. because of this curious choice, the casting of the four younger salazar sisters was met with nonchalance from my end, as much as it is a foregone conclusion that i would watch the movie, even if that means having to teach myself online payment and viewing schemes. anything to help abs-cbn, star cinema. anything by and for miss van and direk mae. they know that.

the junket was a reminder of how much joy i find in stripping down stories to its heart, dismantling stories only to build it up again, with better understanding while doing so. starting points, beginnings, and histories sold this film to me. that the whys, the reasons for being of the four adult salazars will be answered by this prequel is compelling to me. i have, at least that. especially when the riot of the trailer challenged that belief. that is precisely the genius of star cinema, in reeling you in with all the fun and games and then, unknowingly speaking to your heart so clearly.

do not be fooled by very valid comedic errors and the riot of a spy caper. beyond the laughs is a story of a filipino family built on trust, coexistence, and the individuality to be found within the family unit. it’s a story about the hearts that mold us, the histories that shape us, the choices that separate us, our sense of home and the ties that bind.

a narrative isn’t a narrative without a problem to be solved. there would be no problem to be solved without a conflict. the strength of a story lies in how the different characters each respond to, and process the conflict. i have so much appreciation for how the core conflict, and the processing of said conflict were sustained and varied according to need and character. the beauty, found in how seamlessly these many unique components align. when the alignment is quiet and subtle, the story is told with so much grace. this story has so much grace.

for an ensemble, this movie isn’t a casting coup. it isn’t about the stars it lacked (i watch enough of rise, and frankly, enough of the network that i recognize the girls and everyone in the cast), it’s more that the girls, the rest of the cast, worked quietly. the filming seemed calmer...blame the pandemic for this.

while the girls aren’t unknowns, a measure of trust in the casting gods, in the production, in miss van and direk mae was necessary. i did not see it. or the adult salazars are such iconic queens that even when there was something to see i was unconsciously blind to it? i had to see them in character to realize i was right to trust.

stars were born.

this is a prequel that could stand alone. there was no time to watch the first movie before this one, and so, i was scared the experience would be incomplete. those fears were unwarranted. instead of digesting the salazar saga in chronological order, i love that this provides lightbulb moment after lightbulb moment for the first film. those eureka moments were only possible because the cast, headed by those four girls were perfect for the big shoes they filled in.

charlie dizon as teddie (previously played by toni gonzaga) - my introduction and journey with charlie is an interesting one. i have watched the girl since ‘bagani,’ ‘seven sundays,’ and á soldier’s heart.’ the first two saw her trying to find her footing, pitted against more experienced actors. as such, it should be understandable that her beginnings in the industry showed her as a greenhorn. i stand by my feedback back then when i say, ‘she isn’t bad, she’s just a beginner and the contrast with the veteran actors clearly shows.’ i do not know what i was expecting of her back then, but by ‘a soldier’s heart’ i was surprised that she had moments, and those moments were impressive. i now understand that her charm and her skill stems from being as natural as possible, from not even trying. speech and diction, i am told, could improve, but for now, i feel like that speech and diction is helping her define herself (in ‘fangirl’ especially, which i am extremely excited about). back to being teddie, the girl aced toni’s outlandish character, and comedic beats, as well as her no nonsense, at times reckless bluntness. if the viewer did not know any better, one would think it was charlie who provided the blueprint for toni instead of the other way around. as the eldest burdened by the expectations of being the eldest, eventually crushed by the inability to meet them, i believed charlie. i felt for charlie. i feel like this girl was waiting for that role that would flatter her, fit her like a glove, and it’s safe to say that this is it. it took being a salazar to finally see her. all the rest could be learned. charlie’s chemistry with jameson who plays the highschool love is as strong as it is surprising. it proves two things: charlie and jameson are reliable actors, and direk mae does romance so well it is stupefying. through direk mae’s lens, they were both glowing. beyond kilig, teddie and jeremy’s love story is convincing. jameson was sturdy enough as jeremy to be at the receiving end of teddie’s ate and daddy issues. we all know what happened with this love story, but for a moment there i was convinced they were endgame.

alexa ilacad as bobbie (previously played by bea alonzo) - filling in bea alonzo’s shoes alone is a tall order, and while alexa has been a reliable young actress from that pantheon of going bulilit kids, to my mind, bea alonzo’s shoes were still too big even for someone as experienced. and even if she could pull it off, i didn’t know how that would look, what alexa’s interpretation would be. and that not knowing, not being able to foresee makes me nervous. this bobbie is quieter than i expected, comparing it to where bea’s bobbie ended up, steadier with a bit of restlessness. this is one of the few times returning to bea’s portrayal was helpful. alexa’s portrayal fueled the fire of bea’s adult bobbie. does that even make sense? basically, it was clear in the characterization and portrayals of both bobbies that both actresses played one person. alexa’s bobbie was quieter. she bore the brunt of her mother’s micro-agressions. she made herself smaller to accommodate the elder sister. what i initially found to be calmer meltdowns was bobbie trying to balance her selfless nature with the demands of her heart. bobbie’’s major meltdown is bea’s in the first movie not alexa’s. i do not know who is responsible for that choice but it’s one of those lightbulb moments that came to me days after watching the movie and it was so smart!

gillian vicencio as alex (previously played by angel locsin) - this part of the post should come with a disclaimer: gillian is a favorite. gillian is a standout. gillian is a breakout star. and gillian still surprised. there was not a single moment with her. i do not think i’ve even watched any of her movies before this. i alternated between not understanding why she was part of rise, and just not caring. do not get me wrong, i trust star cinema and rise, i knew there was a reason why she was chosen. i just did not see it at first. there was no single moment, no single decision. it was a series of quarantine interviews, on that online rise show especially. it was gradual. the girl demands and commands your attention, in the way she fearlessly engages people like she’s genuinely interested. hers is a courage that i cannot look away from. because i did not watch the first movie before this, i’ve forgotten how edgy alex is, so imagine believing in a girl so much going into my first of experience of her acting, but not knowing what to expect at all to be blown away? it was an internal celebration for me - of the validation of my instincts, and her breakthrough. gillian, as alex manages to fill every moment she is onscreen, that even when it is not her moment, i still feel her, and when she’s not around, her internal tension lingers.

joao as chad is worth a paragraph. this is a moment of bluntness, but i am not the target demographic for boybands and so i tend to be indifferent. joao also came on too strong, which intimidates, so when the boy was cast in that joshlia series a couple of years back, i was one of those who questioned the choice, until i ended up watching him. i was impressed. i was surprised that i was impressed. it was no longer a question of his ability to act when he was included on this major star cinema film, but a question of his chemistry with whoever he ends up working with. in this case, the boy is working with two different girls, two different characters. there’s only one of him so i can only imagine how demanding it was to figure in a triangle with two strong actresses who play characters who manifest strength and presence differently. and surprise, surprise! the boy adjusts. and it works. i am just realizing this as i am writing, but i love that he mellowed when he was with the chill teddie, and he was all edgy and strong around alex. and even when alex was vulnerable, he returned that vulnerability and sincerity differently. the boy met and matched the girls in such unique ways. say hello to my goosebumps as i am writing this. teddie and chad is the steady fire that warms the heart, while alex and chad together are like loud and blinding fireworks that cannot be chased and do not last very long.

belle mariano as gabbie (previously played by shaina magdayao) - belle is another one of those ever reliable former child actors, my favorite child actress to watch play young versions of our queen actresses in teleseryes and such. it’s not like i got to watch her grow up though, so i did not know the kind of actress she was when she was chosen by rise, or even handpicked for ‘he’s into her,’ a story i had heard, but know nothing of. this is the first time i am seeing her in character as a grown up. gabbie, even in the first movie, has always been the steadiest, most grounded of them all. i do not remember gabbie having larger than life meme-ble moments so going into this i did not have anything to latch onto where her character is concerned. i did not know if belle had anything to latch onto for herself. that’s not to say, belle and shaina aren’t amazing actresses or that gabbie is the least of the sisters. i find that to discover her quirks, gabbie requires the most attention. in the trailers, gabbie appeared to be the quietest of the sisters, so quiet, she risks being invisible. as much as i personally understand it, i wondered what her function in the family was. it is a lightbulb moment then, to realize that it is her quiet that magnifies her sisters, her parents’ individual personalities. it is her quiet that allows everyone around her to just be who they are. her quiet means she is okay, and whole on her own that she can afford to be everyone else’s reference point. and that is beautiful. belle played gabbie beautifully. so beautifully, i am actually in tears right now?! wow. gabbie doesn’t need so much herself, that her bonds are singular. that she can choose the people who see her. her essence shines the brightest when she relates and bonds individually, with each of her parents, with each of her sisters, and with jp.

can we please talk about a certain sakristan and the actor who plays him? jeremiah lisbo, to me, is one of the casualties of ‘the pandemic pre-empted ‘make it with you.’ i already had my eye on anthony jennings, (as i should, that boy’s amazing) and honestly, not quite understanding how miah’s character on the show serves the story when that happened to ‘miwy.’ as i was sulking and mourning on the show’s behalf, one of the things i was told was, how it was unfortunate that miah’s arc wasn’t developed and how it was too bad that i wasn’t able to see what the boy can do. i see it now. i fully understand. he doesn’t make things more complicated than it should be. he doesn’t even need too many lines to emotionally communicate. he only needs to look at you with intent. that’s what miah and belle share - an effortlessness, the ability to slip into a character and a required emotion with ease. now, i don’t know what plans rise, star cinema and the network have for miah and belle, but on account of this movie, i would love to see them work together again, never mind the shipping, these two work well together. i also want to see a different ending (not happier, just different). i actually do not mind these two working without a permanent partner, for the freedom to work with anyone who suits a particular character at a particular time. . they can handle themselves well.

back to gabbie, it should be pointed out that on this movie there are two incredibly different kinds of silences - bobbie’s, which is driven by ‘perfection,’ by propriety, and her ‘smallness’ in relation to the rest of her family. it is a quiet that is born out of a need for harmony, whereas gabbie is quiet, still, and steady by nature. that is interesting to see play out, especially in the first movie. one more small thing: i hope this isn’t spoiler-ish, but seeing where shaina was at the start of this movie, for a while there, i thought she could be a nun? that being a nun is a very valid option? that’s just me.

cj, toti marie, lovely mae tete and bette the spy. what do you say to the cast of characters who provide levity to a movie? you thank them. i’ll be the first to tell you that this isn’t my kind of comedy. for a time, it actually felt like an alternate storyline, a movie within the movie. come to think of it, it is reminiscent of those classic 90′s comedies i grew up with. it was entertaining enough though, it made me smile. this subplot was spread enough throughout the entire movie that it made a case for the central conflict of the movie which was the trust issues of all the girls. it was sustained while it was necessary but did not abuse its welcome to the point of tackiness. totie marie is a favorite. the character also managed to make a point for representation which is cool. lovely mae was surprising, scratch your head surprising, but amusing nonetheless. if not for this subplot, this movie would’ve been a heavy filipino family telenovela-ish saga. which isn’t bad per se, but this is the first time in months that ‘we went to the movies’ it wouldn’t hurt to distinguish itself. as it did.

as a lola’s girl, it is imperative that i write about lola ibyang. also, as a lola’s girl, i am generally opposed to villainizing the grandma, never mind that i have watched enough pinoy seryes to be used to it. it is no longer a surprise. in fact, in this case, i expected it. the real, bigger surprise is the fact that grace comes from a well-off, comfortable family. the real surprise to me, is lola ibyang’s heart, how, when. and for what reason that heart of hers was worn on her sleeve. what surprised, is that her one liners that can be misconstrued as veiled threats we’d hear from villains are actually pragmatic, sound advice, that both pulls the family’s patriarch down to earth, and a necessary perspective of what the girls deserve. this reminds me of when my own lola would give me money for no reason at all - ‘reserve,’ just in case i would need it. this also reminds me of how my own mama would get mad at me, because she thought i wasn’t eating in school, because of how much i had saved up, how she would get mad at me for not buying what i want because i was too ‘kuripot.’what will you do with your money if you do not spend it for yourself?’ she used to ask. this is me realizing grace’s reaction towards her mother...while we root for the salazars and cheer for caloy and grace’s love, something must also be said about the mother/daughter dynamic between grace and ibyang. interesting enough. to have irma adlawan play ibyang makes the interesting fascinating. i would say hers is one of my favorites - in terms of how the character was written. i am sorry, i am going through it as i am writing this, realizing just how intricately this is written. see, for some reason, this movie seemed simpler than the other star cinema movies, simpler compared to how i know this team writes. it’s not. it’s such a trademark of this team, and i might be freaking out.

the parental unit, carmina villaroel as grace (played by coney reyes) and dominic ochoa who we meet for the first time on this movie - carmina played grace as any mother should be played, being the primary caregiver, and speaking to grace’s dynamic with her own mother. i was about to say grace is the steady one out of the two parents, but steady doesn’t mean not influential. i would say her constant presence affects the kids more in ways that are stronger and sometimes unflattering. it doesn’t help that she has her own issues to deal with, one of which is that of her and her husband’s issues. i wonder if her unintentional micro-aggressions are also reflective of her relationship with her own mother? or is it just a generational thing?

dominic ochoa as caloy, the previously absent dad. the junket saw dominic ochoa being praised for being a dad, for the different ways he found, a father could be played. i thought that was such generous praise for a character that was previously absent. the fact that this is a story about four daughters, it did occur to me that individual relationships with the father might be important, but without reference from the first movie there was no clue how dominic would play the patriarch. in this movie carmina as grace felt ever present, and dominic as caloy was quiet and subdued, that the praise seemed unwarranted. that is until caloy had moments with each of the girls, most memorable of which is gabbie’s and alex’s. for a singular patriarch he was two different dads to the two girls, depending on who they were and what they needed at that moment. when he faced the all the girls, the youngest boy with grace by his side, and even when he faced his mother in law, you saw a face of strength which manifested itself in the courage of a dependable patriarch, and the walls of a man who has a complex relationship with the mother of his wife. there was nothing in his performance that was loud, obnoxious, or even asserted being a man of the house. but it was never once drowned out by the overwhelming female energy. it was effortless and oddly comforting to watch.

favorite moments:

the original cast

the chaos of the salazar house, overlapping conversations and all

pop culture references of the time. i just smile to myself.

teddie real talking bobbie, because while i know that only sisters can speak to each other that way, and teddie is teddie i also do not know how i feel about her bluntness

bobbie and chad’s music talk. i believed the connection

chad loving how bobbie loves her sisters, alex, in particular. (is this spoiler territory?) but that line.

jp looking at gabbie. because miah surprised, there’s something in how he and belle connected, and...just me and my fascination with an actor’s eyes.

chad and alex’s heartbreak scene, how gillian took that, ran with it, and joao caught up

the parking lot scene. it was a lot but it was clear and precise and i loved it

https://starcinema.abs-cbn.com/2020/12/15/news/easter-eggs-you-probably-missed-from-four-sisters-66365 - this list of easter eggs, i just finished reading, and i fell in love with a movie even more. this list proves that this movie has this team’s stamp all over it. i am not surprised, but i am still in awe and very, very kilig.

the end of the movie says that those who love forgive and are forgiven, accept, to be accepted. in order to forgive and to accept, i always feel like pain and resistance must be embraced with abandon. in this simultaneously loud and quiet, vibrant and beautiful mess of a movie was permission to embrace what needs embracing with abandon, even the not so flattering, not so proper, the hesitations and the insecurities. it allowed me to cry, for that i am grateful.

not that you ever left, but my dear star cinema, it is incredibly comforting to have you back. if content is king, you are royalty, it is not the titles, though that make the stories you tell special. they are special because for all the glitz, glamour, and grandeur of your films, it’s still personal. when i say you know how to tell me a story, you know what that means. every story is a conversation between you and me. you and your audience. they just happen to be blockbusters. thank you for finding ways, leading the way to get to us. much, much power and love. please don’t ever leave us alone again.

see you in the actual cinemas next time, perhaps?! ✨🥰

#film #film: four sisters before the wedding #director: mae cruz-alviar #actress: charlie dizon #actress: alexa ilacad #actress: gillian vicencio #actress: belle mariano

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trig-loves-clowning-around · 4 years

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Ashes to Ashes

Another bloody slasher for fun

Dad had his eyes on the property for some time now, he had been buying up the whole neighborhood after the slaughter and burning of the Marshall Family.

Tragedies came with discounts after all and everyone seemed eager to get out.

Reports stated that many were paranoid, police were busy trying to catch suspect Arthur Jones for the needless slaughter as it was reported he was a racist against Stacey Marshall marrying her African American Husband, Edwin.

At least that was what the news was covering, but it didn't concern my father.

You see he was the richest man in Cadans, he wanted to buy all the property and build a gated community for a profit, it had been a few months since the tragedy and it seemed all were eager to leave.

For sale signs littered the neighborhood, many sold as my dad swooped in to nab the property, no one knew why everyone was so eager exactly.

"Once tragedy strikes paranoia sinks in" I recalled my father saying as he showed us the amount of cheap properties he had swooped into grab, even the murder site was in his grasp.

Every property had been sold off, except one and it was driving him mad.

The old house that was only big enough to have 2 bedrooms and a kitchen and looked like "a pile of burnt shit" to quote Jeffrey Abbot trying to get the property from the city, however.

The owner was still around and they kept it as some sort of memorial.

"What do you mean memorial?!" Jeffrey Abbot yelled out in frustration over the phone "Its been fucking years when it happened! It's an eye sore to our good town!"

"There is no HOA and the yard is being kept up and the house, we can't really do anything sir" the secretary squeaked out quietly.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM I OWN THIS TOWN!" he yelled

"Dad please she's not in charge of the local law" Jeffrey abbots oldest daughter Jennifer, said quietly behind jim, the young adult that was helping him manage all his property.

"Sir I'm sorry I-" the secretary went to apologize and the rich man hung up the phone shaking his head

"A memorial, what a waste of property…" he hissed to himself before perking up

"Go get Jr." He demanded looking at his daughter.

"Now"

Jeffrey Abbot Junior was sent at once to the Neighborhood with a group of his friends, Charles and William.

They drove to the several new properties in Juniors car, top down wind blowing through their hair

"So what're we doing?" Charles asked as they were told not to talk about it until they were driving in the dark of night.

"Dad wants us to wreck up the last house, ruin the 'memorial'" he used one hand to make finger quotes "then the owner will want to sell, no one lived in that house for like 10 years dad said" the teen explained

"I got spray paint and some other fun things to use in the trunk" he announced as they drove into the ghost town that was the neighborhood

"Memorial for what?" William questioned a look of upset on his face.

"It's never been a memorial, just a squatters haven" Junior retorted "they shouldn't be in this town anyways so it doesn't matter"

He said parking on a road behind the charred house.

"Cmon, dads paying us like a grand to deface this poor excuse of a house" he said jumping out.

Charles was very excited jumping out along with him, william hesitated, his brown eyes filled with worry as he ran his hand through his brunette hair.

"I don't know guys" he said "what if it actually is a memorial…"

"Then all the more reason to take it down, no one important is using it let's have some fun" Charles retorted as Junior popped open the trunk grabbing a can of red spray paint

"Cmon dont be a pussy, dude" he teased as Charles grabbed a wooden bat "got your favorite color paint, let's tag some shit"

William paused before nodding and jumping out to grab some paint, they were known vandals but their daddies always bought them out of trouble when they were caught so there was no real consequence, william reasoned as they started to walk to the house having to cut through another backyard Junior's father owned to get to the house.

It was an eyesore during the day but it was downright terrifying at night. Something was off, a feeling settled in the pit of their stomachs.

"Oh fuck dude this is creeepy" charles commented

"You got the bat you go first" william said standing behind Junior

"No fucking way dude!"

"Then give me the bat, bitch" Junior said throwing his spray can to his friend not caring for his volume

"No fucking way I like having protection asshat" charles replied letting the spray paint can fall to the yard.

A shadow crossed the back window to the house as if there was someone inside yet none of the bickering boys noticed

After a bit of wrestling Junior got the bat "let's start inside before we do some real damage," he said as he marched to the house shoulders squared as he made it to the back door to force it open, the old wood squealed in protest while one hand held the bat ready in case a homeless man was sleeping there, nothing.

"Cmon pussies no ones here!" He called before marching in

The others ran after their friend ready to do some damage.

It looked as if it had several squatters inside, opened and unopened cans were scattered on the floor, there was ash in the fireplace in what seemed to be a kitchen with how the floor had tile.

"Someone get a light" junior recommended as their eyes adjusted to the darkness, after some fumbling William pulled out his phone to turn on the flashlight.

"Alright clear the other rooms and we'll have our fun" Junior commanded and walked to the two bedrooms they split up to get the vandalism done fast to lessen the risk of getting caught.

Junior and Charles went to open the first door, there was a sleeping bag but no one inside, there was a queen bed frame and dresser completely damaged by flame.

From the second room william entered alone spray paint and flashlight at the ready "is that a cro-" there was a Yelp then silence.

Charles and Junior looked at each other before going g to the other room, figuring he was playing a prank since they were all so freaked out earlier.

While the first bedroom had a large window that let in a lot of light the second had a small window that was shattered in pieces the old glass had been cleaned up.

In the middle of the room was two small wooden crosses.

"What the fuck?" Junior asked allowed taking a step forward into the light of the moon shining through the broken window. Wherever william was he had turned off his flashlight since it was dark.

They could only make out crude shapes from the shadows as Junior took another brave step through the hallway.

Splash

"What the fuck?" Junior asked looking down, he could see a slight puddle forming around his feet "william this ain't fuckin funny show yourself or I'm beating your ass" he called as Charles pulled out his phone to turn on the flashing

The smell of iron hit their noses and as the light properly illuminated the room Junior let out a scream.

Blood was streaming from a wound on William's throat, a large gloved hand clamped around his mouth before he was shoved unceremoniously to the ground uncovering the masked person holding a bloodied axe.

Charles let out a scream when his brain finally processed the horror in front of him and bolted as the murderer advanced Junior raised his bat but got a smash to his stomach with the blunt side of the axe sending him crashing to the floor in need of air while the crazed murdered in the has mask advanced on Charles, who was out the back door to the fence

Too bad the neighborhood was a ghost town.

The killer launched the axe with practiced ease as Charles tried to scramble up the chain link fence.

The axe lodged into his back and he fell with scream onto the grass, landing on his side as the killer jogged over to the wounded teen.

They crouched down, most of them were covered, charles stared at his reflection in the killers goggles as he took his head in their hands almost in a gentle embrace while he sobbed in pain. Trying to cry for help from anyone.

Their hands suddenly moved roughly and with a sickening crunch as Charles's neck snapped.

The killer straightened up to get the axe out of the back of the boys body when they heard the sound of footsteps running to get to the front yard, Junior was trying to run, bat gripped in his hands until his knuckles turned white, he was running across the street, the Marshall's burned down house.

He was taking deep breaths as he ran tears streaming down his face, his body had blood on his back his friends blood, his gut ached as he ran.

He ran into the area of tragedy, hiding in the ashes of someone else's death.

"Mommy…" he whispered tearing up as he was trying to stay hidden as he figured it was his best chance.

'Someone should've heard the screams right?'

His blood ran cold when he heard footsteps and crouched down to stay low as the echoes of boots echoed against the foundation of the tragedy his father was planning on tearing up the next day.

His dad oh God it was all his fault

Junior was staying low to the ground shuffling along what was left of the wall in order to stay as quiet and small as possible.

There was a sound of the spray from the aerosol can, the one they left on the lawn.

He covered his mouth to muffle his breathing, he could hit them with a bat and make a run for it. He reasoned before getting up to wait as the sound of spraying got louder, every once in a while they'd let out a stream of paint as if a game of Marco Polo, letting Junior know they were getting closer… closer.

Junior shot up getting ready to swing when the murderer rounded the corner but his eyes were painted red from the can releasing its paint.

He screamed dropping to the ground at the pain of the foreign object touching his sensitive blue eyes.

He rubbed them furiously with his hands while the killer dropped the can to pick up the bat slowly

Smack

The sound of wood smashing against the head of the boy in a constant cycle of pain the pain was blinding as Junior tried desperately to escape getting weaker with each smack

Crack

The force of the blow broke the wooden bat in half and Jeffry Abbot Junior was left unconscious laying under the killer who flipped him on his back using the splintered end of the bat to force in his stomach over and over the sharp splinters lodging into the soft flesh of his stomach leaving him to bleed out.

After some fumbling the killer pulled out the car keys from Junior's pocket before dragging him off to find the car they had come in.

My brother had been missing for weeks before they were found, two towns over.

Father had a wide scale investigation starting at the house he sent my brother and friends to vandalize, the only thing they found was the very awkward quiet gardener, he was mute and one came by once a week so he didn't know anything had happened in the first place.

There wasn't even a drop of blood in the house.

I hoped he just ran away to mom's to tell her he was up to his old tricks again but no. His car was found two towns over, it hadn't been broken into but the upholstery was taken, torn out the keys were missing, we broke into the trunk and the three were there, in a decaying bloody mess, dismembered to fit in the trunk.

Arthur Jones had struck again police theorized and the search was more intense.

But the message was loud and clear in my mind.

Someone was protecting that… that house and father was to blame for the death of my little brother…

#pyre pyre pants on fire #slasher #original story #tw violence #vandalism

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makeste · 5 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 196: Beastmode, Brainwashing, and Batrachian Bullshit

Previously on BnHA: Everyone said hi to their new brother Shinsou. Aizawa and Vlad announced the specifics of the day’s training exercise. Each class was split into 5 groups of 4 which will be pitted against each other one at a time. The goal of the exercise is for a team to successfully capture all 4 members of the opposing team and throw them into cute Rat Principal jail. Shinsou was randomly assigned to join one team each from class A and class B. He just so happened to be teamed up with class A’s first group, which also includes Kirishima, Kaminari, Kouda, and Tsuyu. They’re up against class B’s team of Shiozaki, Sabretooth Shishida, Tsuburaba, and some guy with a braid and a visor that reminds me of those Kanye glasses. The battle began and the 1-A kids pondered how best to sic Kaminari on the 1-B group. But before they could figure something out, Shishida -- who has a literal beastmode quirk -- and Tsuburaba came barreling at them in a surprise attack. They were just about to strike a finishing blow when Shinsou suddenly shouted something using Tsubu’s voice, revealing that the weird mask thing he’s been wearing is actually a voice changer, oh damn.

Today on BnHA: Shinsou uses his quirk on Shishida, but a quick-thinking Tsuburaba traps him inside a soundproof air box and then quickly snaps Shishi out of it. Shishi proceeds to slam Kaminari into a wall but gets himself zapped in the process. Tsuyu takes advantage of the chaos to snag Tsuburaba with her frog tongue and haul him off to jail. When Shishida lumbers after them, Kirishima and Kouda intervene, but Shishida uses his beastmode to fling Kirishima like 50 feet into the air, where he’s then captured by Shiozaki’s vines. Shishi grabs Kouda and takes off, giving B Team a 2-1 lead. The teams regroup, and Shinsou apologizes to Tsuyu and Kaminari for failing to capture Shishida more quickly. The other two reassure him and Kaminari declares his friendship, before Tsuyu announces that she has a new plan. Turns out that Kaminari fired his pointer disc thingy earlier and planted it on Shishida, which means that they can now track his location. We then cut to Team B and Shishida, who is sniffing around unawares trying to track the rest of Team A. Suddenly he announces that Tsuyu is heading towards them... and there are apparently three of her.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 222, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

awesome, a flashback explaining Shinsou’s quirk! I know some of this already because it was mentioned in response to my speculation about Izuku being AFO’s son and potentially having the AFO quirk. but it’s still cool to get to this point in canon

so basically, Shinsou just concentrates and thinks “brainwash that person” and then tries to get the target to respond, and if they do then he gains control over them and they’ll do whatever he says (unless they can snap out of it like Izuku did; it takes a “certain degree of force” to accomplish that)

and he says that although he’s never tried, he doesn’t think he would be concentrate enough to brainwash more than one person at a time

now that part I did not know, and it makes this fight much more interesting! because I assume he’s targeting Beastmode who is the biggest threat here. but it means that they still have to deal with Tsuburaba though

also doesn’t this contradict what we saw in the sports festival, though? he had multiple people brainwashed at once for sure there. “never tried it” my ass

(ETA: I think what this means is that he has to brainwash them one at a time. he can control multiple people at once, but if he were faced with four different un-brainwashed people and he tried to get them to all fall under his control simultaneously he wouldn’t be able to handle it, basically.)

and this is interesting too

so much for any fleeting hope that Shinsou could potentially serve as a truth serum character in Nemoto’s place. damn

wow he’s really getting detailed here

this is actually encouraging to me, because it means that Horikoshi is taking steps to add more checks and balances to Shinsou’s super OP quirk (making it so that he can’t just interrogate villains that easily for instance), which suggests that he’s getting ready to add him as a full time character. bring it on!

so flashback!Kaminari, who really isn’t as dumb as everyone always makes him out to be -- having the lowest test scores in a class full of geniuses is hardly anything to be ashamed of -- is saying that it must be tough now that everyone knows how Shinsou’s quirk works from the sports festival

and now flashback!Shinsou is pointing to his voice changer mask and explaining its purpose

...hold up, what? it loses its effectiveness? than what is the point

okay I just went and found Mangastream’s translation which makes much more sense, here it is

looks like I’m gonna have to go back and forth between these scanlations today. or maybe I’ll just stick with MS for now because this is the third issue the JBox translation has had in as many pages, so

(ETA: yeah, aside from this one panel I ended up just using MS for everything because it’s easier and I don’t have to worry as much about inaccuracies.)

that sounds like some bullshit as far as the explanation for how this thing changes his voice, but it’s The Future so I’ll roll with it lol

anyway so Kaminari is thoroughly impressed and says that with that he’s basically unbeatable

he’s not, though. as long as the opponent takes care not to respond to any voice, no matter who they think it is, they’re safe. though it does hamper their ability to communicate with each other

but anyways, I suppose situations like that are where the capture weapon comes in, though I imagine he’s still very much a novice. I seem to recall that it took Aizawa a number of years to master it himself, and Shinsou’s only had about six months

so flashback Shinsou is saying that whether the voice changer is strong or not depends on him

and as he says that, the flashback is ending and we’re cutting back to the present

and he’s unveiling the capture scarf! yessssss

-- uh oh

lol well that’s one effective way to shut him down

and now Tsubu is smacking Sabretooth upside the head to snap him out of the brainwashing

damn, class B. not bad

and now they know what’s what

but this must have given the other class A kids a few essential seconds to regroup, right? Kami where are you, let’s do this

why does this panel make it look like his attack is focused in his hand. the human stun gun method would work just as well in this case so long as you’re quick. though I get why you’d maybe want to keep your distance from Beastmode there

nooooooooo

MY BOY SACRIFICED HIMSELF

or Beastmode sacrificed himself. because he must have known what would happen if he touched him, but by doing so he took out class A’s queen in exchange for a measly pawn or knight or bishop or whatever you want to make him in this stupid chess metaphor I pulled out of my ass lol

(ETA: actually THEY’RE BOTH FINE SOMEHOW so never mind! April Fool’s, I guess.)

meanwhile Tsubu jumped off of his back just in time to avoid being stunned himself

Tsuyu you better take this guy out. he’s too good and you’ve still got Shiozaki and Braidvisor to deal with on top of that

oh thank god, he’s still in one piece. I know, it’s just a training exercise, but y’all know how brutal this school can be, and what with them having access to Recovery Girl, they’re probably cool with letting the kids take a fair amount of punishment before they’d actually consider stepping in

(ETA: listen, these supposedly responsible adults were apparently cool with everyone potentially burning to death two fights from now, so I feel like I was absolutely right to be concerned here.)

ahh, there we go!

yes Tsuyu yessss, you know I love it when characters actually listen to me lol

-- oh shit

YEAH WHAT GIVES

Kouda and Kirishima are stepping in to give Tsu some cover though!

I’m a little worried about Kouda but at least Kiri is in Unbreakable mode. sure hope his time limit on that has increased

oh snap!!

[theme from Ant-Man intensifies]

look who got over his fear of bugs! I’m so proud of you Kouda

HEY WHAT

THAT’S CHEATING

son of a bitch. I really ought to be rooting for class B here because they need to win at least two of the first three in order for this to play out the way I want it to with Bakugou and Deku’s matches both being do-or-die, everything-on-the-line. which means only one of the other 3 class A teams can win, and so I want that to be Momo lol

but it’s just so hard to go against that natural instinct to root for class A, man. these are my children, give me a break

anyway, Shishida says that Kiri is the only one who can pose a threat to his ability, and that’s why he’s...

...punting him into the sky oh good lord

KIRIIIII

oh snap he’s remembering their intel about Shiozaki coming at them from the left

and he’s looking to the left and AHHHHHH

JESUS CHRIST CLASS B I WAS HOPING TO GET A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP TONIGHT

and now Shishida is free to kick Kouda’s ass oh shit

Kami’s running over to try and save him, and he’s firing his disc weapon!

Shishi’s dodging but that’s okay since as we know, this is a two-stage attack

Tsuyu’s descending on Shishi from behind, but it seems like he’s aware of her presence

these guys have a counter for everything, goddamn

and now he’s bounding off with Kouda in tow

and just like that, the formerly outnumbered class B is now tied with class A in terms of available manpower

but class B actually has the advantage now because they’ve captured two of class A’s members whereas only one of their team was captured. meaning that if they just wait out the clock, they’ll win

so now class A has to go on the offensive, which is gonna be tough because Tsuyu is more suited to rescue operations than combat, and Shinsou is still just a novice. so they really only have Kami, and they’ll have to be very careful with how they use him because if he gets taken out they’re screwed

seems like the odds were in class B’s favor from the start for this battle. their team is all powerhouses, whereas this is arguably class A’s weakest team in terms of combat quirks. damn

why is he guarding the cells? once they’re captured they’re out. there’s no rescue element to this game as far as I recall, he should be out in the field with the others

lol meanwhile the captured Tsuburaba is trying to figure out whether he accidentally got to first base

the answer is no but good try kid

also who’s commentating. this definitely isn’t Aizawa or Vlad, or All Might either. the only other teacher there is Midnight, as far as I know, but this doesn’t quite sound like her either. did Mic skip out on his afternoon classes in order to come watch too. is there anyone left to actually teach school right now

now Tsuyu is busting through Shinsou’s air prison with a lead pipe

she says the air barriers are much stronger than they were back at the sports festival when Bakugou was able to break through with his bare fist

and now she’s all “class B sure is strong” and YEAH

LOOOOOOOOOL

SO IT WAS VLAD OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS. THIS IS A WHOLE NEW SIDE OF YOU AND I LOVE IT

sorry Mina but this is class B’s day today honey

Sero and Satou are discussing Shishida who seems to be the breakout star of class B so far in this battle

but meanwhile Deku’s focus is on Shinsou, which is smart given that he’s going to have to go up against him in just a little bit

and meanwhile Kami is turning to Tsuyu for leadership now

yeah, you really didn’t play that out so well. you already knew his quirk going in, basically. you could have spent that time coming up with a strategy

poor Shinsou

he has very expressive eyes. I can’t believe we had to wait nearly 200 chapters for this boy to finally become one of the main characters

Tsuyu says she should be the one apologizing

well. yes, you guys should have had a plan. but I’m not so sure about the not-having-him-on-the-front-lines part. you all are so good yourselves precisely because you’ve been on the front lines from day one. trial by fire runs in class A’s blood, so let him get a taste of that too, maybe

Kaminari says it’s impressive that Shinsou did even as well as he did, and that he saved his ass

Kaminari honestly gives Kirishima a run for his money as the goodest boy in 1-A. this kid is affectionate with everyone

Shinsou is brushing off the compliment like a good tsundere and he’s all “...whatever” and says they should come up with a plan

EWWWWW

TSUYU WHY

she’s telling Kami to “look at his pointer.” what?

and now we’re cutting to class B again

actually they’d really be better off just booking it out of there and hiding someplace to wait until the time runs out now. the 1-A team has no trackers left and like I said earlier, they currently have the advantage. there’s no point in confronting the rest of them and risking getting caught

I was waiting to see if someone would point this out like they usually do, but it appears this time they’re not! Horikoshi is this a plot hole or are they just not thinking this through

you can actually avoid him either way, dude. seriously

ah, looks like he smells something all of a sudden

what the hell is going on

how is he amazing for having failed to notice something lol

(ETA: or, duh, it’s sarcasm doy)

so okay, now Kaminari is running somewhere and he’s all charged up and thinking back to when Mei first made his little stun gun

-- oh!

how did he not notice that lol omg

this means that if Kami gets in range he can take him out with one shot!

holy shit!!

SINCE WHEN IS THIS SOMETHING A FROG CAN DO

but now Shiozaki is stepping up to bat oh shit

my dudes are we actually going to get the Tsuyu battle we were robbed of back during the internship arc. holy shiiiiiit

and that’s it for today! tune in tomorrow to find out what kind of bizarre frog shit our beloved Froppy will pull out of her hat next

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sage-nebula · 5 years

Text

I caught up on Miraculous Ladybug a couple days ago, so I thought I’d jot some thoughts down now that I’ve seen every episode and have a clearer scope on the series and characters as a whole.

First and foremost, let me just say that I think people take this show way too seriously. As I mentioned before, all I saw before I actually sat down to watch the second season for myself was hate and negativity. People bashed the show, the creators, and so on and so forth left and right. The thing is, sure, there are concepts in this show that could be taken deeper if this was meant to be a serious, deep show. But it’s pretty clear that’s not the case. Miraculous Ladybug is a bit like a ‘90s action cartoon, albeit one with a shoujo flavoring. It’s meant to have about as much depth as, say, Jackie Chan Adventures. The characters do learn lessons and develop, sure, but the creators don’t hold true and fast to those lessons because their main objective is to entertain via monster of the week battles and the occasional plot movement here or there. That’s not to say that there aren’t areas where the show could be improved, but it is to say that this show isn’t meant to be a sprawling epic and is instead just a shallow, fun show to watch and unwind with. But regardless of what it’s meant to be, I think that people in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom should remember that no one is holding a gun to their head, forcing them to watch. If the show isn’t to their tastes, if they’re not having fun, if all it does is make them angry and miserable, they should stop watching. That’s what I did with Voltron: Legendary Defender. Of course I still hear things about it that make me mad, but I’m far less devastated than I would be if I had to watch the nonsense unfold in front of me (not to mention that I stopped feeling stress leading up to new season releases because I stopped watching the show). This is a cartoon about teenage superheroes. You’re not obligated to watch. If it’s not fun for you, go do something else. Find a new series to get into. I promise you, your life will only improve if you do.

That said:

Aside from the above, probably the most unpopular opinion I have about this show is that Gabriel Agreste is hands down the most interesting character. It might be because I’m an adult rather than a teenager myself, but I’m not that interested in the high school romances the show has to offer (and when I am, I prefer rarepairs that will never happen, lol), but I am interested in Gabriel’s history, what led to him becoming Hawk Moth, and how he continues to deal with that in the present day. Romance-wise, I think that Gabriel/Nathalie has the potential to be the most interesting ship on the show. I think that episodes that focus on the Agreste family and their history are the most interesting ones. And while Gabriel is clearly a villain and has done some awful things, I’m interested to see if they’ll successfully make him a tragic villain, because I feel the groundwork has already been laid out for that to be the case.

I’m crossing every finger I have that when Emilie Agreste is awoken from her coma, it’s revealed that she’s ten times the villain Gabriel ever was. Part of this is because I heard it said somewhere that Mayura was Hawk Moth’s boss, and yet we know that’s not the case with Gabriel and Nathalie; part of it is also because I’ve seen so many “OMG I WANT EMILIE TO GET FULL CUSTODY OF ADRIEN!!11!!” posts that give off the vibe of “mothers could never be abusive” and that rubs me the wrong way. (Same with “Nathalie needs to adopt Adrien” posts; she clearly doesn’t care about him half as much as she cares about Gabriel, stop acting like she’s a better parent than Gabriel just because she has a surplus of estrogen.) We know that Adrien has fond memories of Emilie and that she took sweet pictures of him, but: a.) If she was nice to Adrien, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t a villain to everyone else, and b.) She could have easily been the type of abuser to guilt trip and manipulate rather than neglect like Gabriel, meaning that Adrien might not have recognized her abuse for what it was and might have instead felt that any time she was upset, it was his fault, and c.) It’s entirely possible that Gabriel would have taken the brunt of whatever abuse was doled out in order to protect Adrien, with Adrien being none the wiser Any one of those possibilities could be true, but the fact that people don’t even want to acknowledge that Emilie could be terrible to reeks of “she’s his mother, of course she wouldn’t abuse him,” which I just don’t vibe with at all. Gabriel is an abusive parent as well (though we can see that he does care about Adrien, though not enough to stop what he’s doing), but that doesn’t mean that Emilie is great. The fact that Gabriel’s love toward Emilie is so unhealthy speaks to the fact that there was more to her (and their relationship) than meets the eye. (And yes, Gabriel’s love for her is unhealthy, and severely detrimental to his quality of life. Since losing Emilie, Gabriel has: - Not gone outside even for a moment, instead staying locked up in his manor all day. It’s noted several times in both “Style Queen” and “Queen Wasp” that his appearance in the latter episode was the first time he’s shown his face in public since Emilie disappeared. - Cut off practically every relationship he has and socially isolated himself from everyone else, including those who would show him any sort of love or affection, to the point where it catches him off-guard when someone---even his own son---does. - Neglects any other kind of needs in his life outside of those that are either necessary to support his family (his work) or bringing back Emilie. We never see him having fun, spending time with others, or even taking time to relax and recuperate. - Become extremely paranoid and mistrustful of others, keeping secrets from just about everyone and casting a suspicious eye on anyone he comes across. He’s also paranoid about the safety of his one remaining family member. Particularly with regards to how Gabriel has isolated himself from practically everyone save Emilie, I would argue that Gabriel’s abuse and neglect of Adrien is continuing a cycle from what Gabriel himself has experienced as a result of Emilie’s “disappearance,” and possibly even beforehand. Which of course DOES NOT excuse what he does to Adrien, but it might explain it. All in all, the relationship we see between Gabriel and Nathalie is far healthier than what we’ve been given of Gabriel and Emilie, and I’m curious to see if this continues in later episodes.)

I love Luka, and I really hope that we see more of him. Additional thoughts:

Upon watching “Captain Hardrock,” I got the vibe that Luka might be on the autism spectrum somewhere. I hesitate to say this because the last time I made an autistic headcanon I was screamed at for it and deemed a horrible person, but particularly with how Luka said that it’s easier for him to communicate through music rather through words, how he often looks down at his guitar instead of right at people (though he does make eye contact sometimes), how he tried to joke around with Marinette but ended up hurting her feelings and looked genuinely panicked / upset that he did so . . . I don’t know, I just kind of got that vibe from him. Like maybe he’s on the autism spectrum and music is his special interest, particularly because it’s a lot easier for him to convey what he’s feeling / thinking through music rather than through words, particularly without upsetting other people (because most people don’t get angry or upset when they hear music, whereas they might with his words). I think it’s be really neat to have the cool, suave character on the autism spectrum, anyway.

I don’t understand why people say Luka has no personality when he has about as much personality as any other character on the show, particularly the classmates. How does Luka have less personality than Nathaniel, or Rose, or Max? I think the real reason why people want to say Luka is “cardboard” and therefore a bad character is because he “threatens the love square,” which is nonsense. All Luka is doing is living his best life. (And the same goes for Kagami, tbh.) Let him live.

On that note, though, I prefer Luka/Marinette to Marinette/Adrien at this point. Marinette/Adrien has had some really sweet moments as well, and I still ship it (and know it’s endgame anyway), but at the moment the way Adrien behaves when he’s Chat makes him feel like he has a Nice Guy complex toward Ladybug, and I’m not here for that. “Glaciator” was one thing, but how he behaved in “Frozer” was unacceptable. I don’t hate the ship, but I much prefer Luka/Marinette, particularly since Luka has genuine interest from Marinette and has never been afraid to treat her like a princess, but at the same time will encourage her to go be happy when he realizes she has stronger feelings for someone else.

I wish that Luka would get the Dog Miraculous instead of the Snake Miraculous, but at least he’s getting one regardless, I guess.

I do think it’s an issue that all of Marinette’s love rivals are antagonistic in some way or another. Chloe is . . . Chloe, Lila is a compulsive liar who’s addicted to evil butterflies, and Kagami . . . honestly didn’t do a single thing wrong, but she was still characterized as being somewhat forward and antagonistic rather than sweet and perfectly nice like Adrien’s love rivals. I feel that this show has a bit of an issue with pitting girls against each other over a boy, and since Adrien’s not even that great of a boy (I like him fine, but he’s honestly not worth ladies fighting over), it rubs me the wrong way and I hope that, in season three, Marinette and Kagami can become friends.

Rose’s English voice (in season two, at least) is literally the worst thing I’ve ever had the misfortune of hearing. She sounds like a chipmunk that sucked helium. No teenage girl actually sounds like that, what in the honest hell.

For that matter, Juleka’s English VA had a real bad day in “Zombiezou.” I’ve never heard more emotionless voice acting in my entire life, and for a zombie apocalypse parody episode, that’s a real issue.

For the most part I think that most of the “omg why can’t they recognize each other!!1!!!!111″ nonsense that I’ve seen around the fandom is just that, nonsense, because being unable to see through a paper-thin disguise is a superhero staple, and this show has even gone the extra mile to explain it’s the magic of the suits protecting their identities. That said, there have been a couple instances where I felt like Adrien and Marinette should have gotten suspicious or had questions, and most notably in “Frightengale.” Both of them had great reasons for not wanting to put on the Chat Noir and Ladybug masks, but what they both failed to consider or question is why the other person had such an issue. Like, Adrien knows that he doesn’t want to put on the mask because he’s the real Chat Noir and people will recognize him. But didn’t it strike him as odd that Marinette had similar objections to putting on the Ladybug mask? And the same is true in reverse. Marinette knew why she didn’t want to dress up as Ladybug for the video, but didn’t she ever wonder why Adrien was reluctant? I guess they were both too wrapped up in their own drama to consider it, which makes sense if you consider they’re teenagers, but it’s still something you’d think they’d ponder over later.

On that note, Plagg and Tikki are the real heroes for having to put up with this love square nonsense in-universe. Pour one out for them.

Adrien being a Nice Guy while he’s Chat Noir is an issue, but I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with what he said in “Malediktator” or “Chameleon”, and here’s why:

In “Malediktator”, Adrien was upset that the only person who provided him any company or friendship was leaving the country for an indefinite amount of time because she was upset, and he never even got to say goodbye to her. Note that (at least in the English version), Adrien never says that Marinette or the others can’t celebrate; he just says that he, personally, finds Chloe leaving to be awful, and objects to Marinette calling Chloe useless (which is a reasonable thing to object to, because in honesty saying someone is useless is pretty harsh and terrible). He then goes and sits quietly by himself, waiting for the party to be over. People have grown angry with him for this because Marinette was bullied by Chloe for years and they think that he should see her side of things, but the fact of the matter is that the people who make those claims aren’t seeing Adrien’s side of things, which Marinette herself realized when he left to go sit by himself. Here’s the thing: Neither Marinette nor Adrien were in the wrong. Marinette is perfectly entitled to be ecstatic that her bully is leaving forever, particularly since she’s Ladybug and said bully akumatizes people all the time and this will make less work for her. She wasn’t doing anything wrong by celebrating Chloe leaving, although again, saying that someone is useless is crossing a line (particularly since, as we find out later in the episode, Chloe already believes she’s useless because of her mother’s emotional abuse). Marinette didn’t do anything wrong. But Adrien is also perfectly entitled to be upset that his childhood friend---the only person who gave him companionship during his incarceration in his own home---is leaving on a bad note. If Chloe was leaving perfectly happily, I think he’d feel differently. He’d be happy for her. But he’s seen a side of Chloe that no one else has, and moreover, Adrien tends to be rather compassionate for other people’s struggles (something Kagami calls him out on). It’s perfectly understandable that he’s upset that his oldest friend is leaving on a bad note, and that he didn’t get to say goodbye to her besides. Moreover, since it was a shock to him, it’s natural that he didn’t realize how his words might have sounded to one of Chloe’s victims, especially since Marinette herself didn’t bring up the fact that Chloe had bullied her, but instead just said Chloe was awful and useless (which, as her friend, Adrien naturally rankled against). This isn’t a situation of one being right and the other being wrong. This is a situation of two people coming at a situation from different perspectives, and feeling differently as a result.

As for “Chameleon,” as I believe I’ve explained elsewhere, Adrien was looking at the situation from the perspective of Chat Noir. If they upset Lila, she’s going to get akumatized again. This is something he knows for a fact, because it has happened multiple times now (at least twice that he knows of). Akumatizing Lila over and over again isn’t going to accomplish anything meaningful. All it’s going to do is create more work for Chat Noir and Ladybug, which Adrien wants to avoid. Adrien is looking at the bigger picture, which is hoping that perhaps Lila can become a better person, and if not, it’s better to pick your battles so that you can ultimately win the war rather than picking a fight every other day. He wasn’t wrong, and I strongly feel that people who insist he was are those that are projecting onto Marinette and just want to live through her as she stomps her bullies into the dirt.

Which, on that note, I find it really funny how people who claim to hate Chloe are the same people that like fan content where Marinette is being “petty” and “salty” and no better than Chloe herself. I agree that Marinette’s friends (sans Adrien) didn’t have her back in “Chameleon,” and that Alya’s behavior was especially out of character (and kind of funny at the end, because . . . yes, Alya, we do think you’d let your best friend sit alone, because you already did that, lol), but to imagine that Marinette Dupain-Cheng would suddenly take every single opportunity to insult and tear them down is completely missing the point of who Marinette is and why she’s a better person than people like Chloe (at present) and Lila. Again, I can only imagine this is self-projection of the “I wish I had been able to do this” variety, but I still find it really ironic that the people who hate Chloe and Lila make Marinette act almost exactly like them. (Also, it says something if you think Alya being a jerk once makes it all right for Marinette to treat her like dirt. For two seasons Alya was the best best friend someone could ask for. She made a mistake in one single episode, and you think Marinette should turn on her? Should say she’s no longer worthy of the Fox Miraculous? Please. That’s not how relationships work. Sometimes there are bumps and low points, but you communicate, work through, and apologize when you make mistakes. No one is perfect, Alya included.)

The first time Gabriel akumatized the baby it was funny because it was clearly an accident and he was just working with what he had (and it was a struggle). The second time I suppose it just happened because of all the akuma that were out at the time. But why was the baby akumatized again in “Weredad”? What purpose did that serve? What were you doing, Gabriel? Why this, again? Part of me feels like it was done because the writers needed a giant akuma, but like . . . there have been others . . . why the baby when he didn’t even want to akumatize the baby in the first place, I just . . . why.

Chloe’s transformation sequence has a similar grace to it that Adrien’s does (and tbh I like it a little more, especially with the toe tap and whatnot), and it makes me think that she’s secretly as much of a weeb as he is and they probably watched Sailor Moon together.

I like the unique transformation phrases in the English dub, but I wish that there was a bit more variety. Three out of five are “on/off” variants, and I like it when they’re a bit more creative like “claws in/out” or “let’s pounce.” Hopefully the transformations for future Miraculouses will be a bit more creative.

There are probably other thoughts but this is all I have for right now. Curious about the upcoming episodes and I’m surprised we got season three so soon, but also I imagine the release schedule might not be consistent, so there’s that, too. In any case, this is a cute and fun show so long as you don’t take it too seriously. I’m enjoying it, at least, and as far as I’m concerned that’s all that matters. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#/#//#///#////#/////#miraculous ladybug

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upontheshelfreviews · 5 years

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If there’s a reason why we’re able to recall the story of Snow White from memory, and why said princess is usually depicted with short hair, a cute bow and surrounded by woodland fauna, look no further than Disney. Their take on the Grimms’ fairy tale is the prime example of pop cultural osmosis. Even if you’ve never watched Disney’s Snow White, it’s easy to recognize when a piece of work is borrowing from it or spoofing it. And I can definitely see why – not only is it going eighty-plus years strong, but its influence on nearly every Disney feature to come after it is a profound one.

The real story of Disney’s Snow White begins in the early 1910’s when a young Walt Disney saw a silent film version of the Grimms’ fairytale starring Marguerite Clark. The movie stuck with him well into adulthood. One night, well after he had established himself as an animation giant the world over, Walt gathered his entire staff of animators and storymen and re-enacted the tale for them in a mesmerizing one-man show. They were enraptured, but what he told them next struck them dumb – they were going to take what he performed and turn it into a full-length film.

In Tony Goldmark’s epic(ally hilarious) retrospective of Epcot, he performs a quick sketch he summed up as “Walt Disney’s entire career in 55 seconds” where Walt presents his career-defining ideas to a myopic businessman capable of only saying “You fool, that’ll never work!”. Considering how animation is everywhere today, it’s easy to forget that an animated film was once seen as an impossible dream. The press hawked Snow White as “Disney’s Folly”, and Hollywood speculated that it would bankrupt the Mouse House. It very nearly did. Miraculously, a private showing of the half-finished feature to a banking firm impressed the investors enough to ensure its completion.

Snow White is touted as the very first animated movie – admittedly something of a lie on Disney’s behalf. Europe and Russia were experimenting with feature-length animation decades before Walt gave it a try. But consider this: most animated films predating Snow White’s conception are either sadly lost to us or barely count as such by just crossing the hour mark. With all the hard work poured into it showing in every scene, with each moment displaying a new breakthrough in the medium, Snow White might as well be the first completely animated movie after all. Hell, it’s the very first movie in the entire history of cinema that was created using STORYBOARDS. A tool used by virtually every single movie put out today. If that’s not groundbreaking enough, I don’t know what is.

But is Snow White really…but why does it…can it…

“You know what? No. I’m not doing this teasing question thing before the review starts proper. OF COURSE Snow White is a masterpiece. OF COURSE most of it holds up. Let’s skip the middleman so I can explain why.”

After the opening credits we get the first of what will be many Disney leather bound books opening themselves to invite us into the world of the story. We’re informed that once upon a time there was a particularly Wicked Queen (nicknamed Grimhilde in promo features and the comics) who had a serious narcissistic personality disorder. Every day she consults her Magic Mirror™ to see who’s the fairest one of all and takes pride in being repeatedly told she holds said title. In the meantime she bullies her younger, prettier stepdaughter, the princess Snow White, and gives her the standard Cinderella treatment in the hopes that endless drudgery will wipe out the competition.

One fateful morning, however, the Mirror informs the Queen that she’s been bumped down to runner-up. She susses out that it’s Snow White who’s taken her place after the Mirror describes the newcomer as having “lips red as the rose, hair black as ebony, [and] skin white as snow”, but maybe the Queen is projecting here due to her extreme jealousy. Going by those three traits the Mirror could be describing almost anyone on the planet.

Care to narrow it down a bit, buddy?

Now if you consider yourself a feminist or at the very least have progressive views regarding women, I know what you’re thinking – just another example of the patriarchy pitting shallow female stereotypes against each other, right? Well in a manner of speaking, yes. There’s plenty of evidence that the Brothers Grimm held some odious misogynistic beliefs that stemmed from a bad combination of the era they lived in, outdated religious teachings, and their own experiences with the opposite sex. It shows in their second fairy tale revisions – the heroines are naïve bimbos in need of a man’s rescue, and the villains are evil stepmothers and witches who happen to be hideous 99% of the time – and those views have been reinforced in our society thanks to those particular iterations being passed down to today.

Here’s my way of viewing the central conflict: The Mirror’s news is a wake-up call that Snow White is coming into her own as a woman and princess. That means marriage to a prince and the end of the Wicked Queen’s rule. Snow White will have all the power and adulation while the Queen is forced to step down and become another footnote in ancient royal history. Up until now the Queen has gone out of her way put down her pretty young opponent with petty cruelty because there’s nothing stopping her; but when faced with the inevitable, she unflinchingly opts to take more drastic measures so she can keep the throne.

If it weren’t for the fact the Queen’s unofficial moniker is Grimhilde and her transformation scene reveals a head of black hair, I’d suspect her real name was Cersei Lannister.

You also have to remember that the Queen takes the term “fairest” at face value. The Queen is beautiful, sure, but it’s a glacial beauty – cold, unfeeling, and nothing beneath the surface. All she cares about is looks and power. You’d have to be a pure loving soul or Woody Allen find something worthwhile in her. Snow White is beautiful too, though it’s her kindness and fair treatment of everyone that garners her the title of “fairest one of all”, not her appearance.

Speaking of, we follow that scene with Snow White (Adriana Casselotti) dressed in rags cleaning the castle courtyard. She shows her bird friends her wishing well and sings “I’m Wishing”, where she reveals her wish for her one true love to show up.

Confession time: In childhood the title of my favorite Disney princess was neck and neck between Belle from Beauty and the Beast and Snow White. I’ve already discussed at length why I adore Belle, so I suppose I should do the same for Snow.

…turns out it’s more difficult than I thought.

For as long as I could remember, I was surrounded by Snow White paraphernalia – tapes, toys, dolls, music, games, artwork, bed sheets, I can even recall the ice show. Snow White is ingrained into my early years. It more than likely has to do with the timing of its brief return to theaters and first VHS release between 1993 and 1994, right at the peak of the Disney Renaissance, so I experienced Snow White-mania right alongside Lion King-mania, Beauty and the Beast-mania and various other Disneymanias that were rampant at that time.

Even this one, embarrassingly.

As a result, I idolized Snow White as much the other princesses of the time, right down to making her the character I dressed up as the most for Halloween. I suppose what drew me to her was inherent kindness, ability to make friends with everyone, and her voice. Yes, I admit it. I don’t find Snow White’s warbling to be as irritating as everyone says it is. Maybe I’ve listened to it so much that I’ve grown immune. Then again I am that one Disney fan who doesn’t loathe It’s A Small World with every fiber of their being so maybe I should question my own tastes more.

Now as an adult with a critical eye who can put nostalgia behind me when necessary, is there something more to the character of Snow White that’s worth appreciating as much as the more-fleshed out princesses of the Renaissance and current Revival period?

I accept that I’m in the minority on this one, but I firmly say yes.

I know what you’re thinking – all Snow White does is smile and sing while she slaves under the Queen and the dwarfs and dreams of a handsome man to come carry her away, so I should turn in my feminist card for daring to suggest she’s a good character and role model for girls, right? Consider this: like Cinderella after her, Snow White’s happy nature and songs are her ways of coping with her unpleasant situation. It keeps her spirits up and in turn she tries to spread that positivity to others who need it as well. She refuses to let the Queen’s negativity turn her as sour as she is. All the little things Snow White reveals in what she does – her patience, pride in her work, healthy emotional balance, drive to help others, and warmth towards those smaller than her (in both a figurative and literal sense) – are all signs that she is capable of being a far better and beloved ruler and all around person than the Queen is. Plus, her reason for wanting to find love is two-fold: not only is she looking for someone with whom she can share a unique emotional understanding bond – which is something most every human craves – but it’s the also best possible means for her to escape from her stepmother’s abuse. Like I said earlier, once Snow White gets the ring, she gets to rule.

And what’s wrong with having a princess who can run a practical household? One could argue that it’s an example of traditional female roles desired by an oppressive patriarchal society on full display, but you want to know why millennials are called out for being lazy? Because baby boomers have cut out classes that teach things young adults actually need outside of school like how to properly cook and do laundry and pay your taxes since those weren’t seen as “essential enough to education”. So I have to admire a princess who, while not the most “progressive” of the bunch by today’s standards, is willing and able take care of herself and others when it comes to basic everyday needs. I think TheBrutallyHonestMom summed it up best in her post defending Snow White:

When we denigrate what Snow White accomplishes at the dwarfs’ cottage, when we rename her accomplishments to make them sound more impressive, more official, more valuable—management, administration, domestic CEO, sous chef, hospitality specialist—what we are really doing is saying that we don’t value the truly valuable work that she and so many other stay-at-home individuals do. Those words are a microaggression against what have traditionally been feminine roles, an attempt to align them with a patriarchal worldview where only those with the biggest titles and fattest paychecks matter. Snow White is domestic. She is a maid. She is a mother figure. She does take on the womanliest of the womanly roles. To claim that adopting these roles (and being good at them) somehow makes her a poor role model for my daughters is not a failure of Snow White’s imagination. It is a failure of ours.

Then there’s the matter of her actress too, which I can’t stay silent about. A few years ago it was revealed that in order to preserve the illusion of Snow White as a real character (a good many years before the company applied that same logic to their character performers at the theme parks I might add), Disney forced Adriana Casselotti to forego her screen credit and never take on another acting role again, essentially robbing her of a career. She only managed to appear in It’s A Wonderful Life and The Wizard of Oz because hers were uncredited minute parts. Casselotti had no regrets about choosing Snow White over a promising show business vocation, but I still call bull on the matter. If this kind of thing happened today, people would not stand for it, character illusions or not. There’s also crazy double standards since all the actors who played the dwarfs got to keep on acting; Sneezy’s voice actor was in Fun and Fancy Free for crying out loud! I love ya Walt, but that is one dick move. So if you’re a detractor cheering that you never have to hear Casselotti’s voice beyond this movie, keep in mind that’s all because of one man silencing her for the sake of his business.

So, Snow White. She cooks, cleans, delegates, teaches, loves, domestically kicks ass, and her behind the scenes story makes a strong case for the Time’s Up movement. Any questions?

“Yes. You’re over 2000 words in and we haven’t even gotten to the dwarfs yet. Plan on getting off that soapbox sometime this decade?”

Snow’s singing attracts the attention of a handsome Prince (Harry Stockwell) passing by on his horse. But his forwardness startles the shy girl and sends her sprinting up to her room. He charms her out to her balcony by singing his one song in the feature…”One Song”. You gotta love it when the title matches the tune perfectly.

“Wherefore art thou Prince? Deny thy father and refuse thy name!”

“Sure I’ll gladly refuse my name – if I had one, that is.”

All joking aside, I have a soft spot for this scene. Stockwell’s voice has this old-time Broadway/operetta quality I’ve always liked, the lyrics are unironic purple prose that still feel genuine, Snow’s little excited gestures are adorable, and it’s framed beautifully. This is what got it into my heard early on that the most romantic gesture anyone can make is serenading someone from beneath their balcony.

“Too bad you’re technically in a long distance relationship.”

“I know. Propping up a phone beneath your window just doesn’t have the same effect.”

Snow returns his affections with a kiss delivered via a dove and departs the scene with one hell of a pair of bedroom eyes, especially for a Disney character.

Daaaaaamn, girl! You already got him hooked, no need to gild the lily!

Unbeknownst to either of them, the Queen is watching overhead; Snow catching the eye of Prince Charming is what finally pushes her to take further action. She summons her Huntsman –

– to bring Snow White out into the forest and do away with her. Brief as this scene may be, there are two things I really like about it. First, the gravity. The Huntsman reacts with horror on being told what he must do, foreshadowing his eventual turnaround, yet with an icy hiss of “Silence!” and a short reminder of the price of failure, the Queen goads him back into line. We don’t know what the penalty for insubordination is, but it’s implied to be pretty nasty if she’s able to convince him otherwise with just a few words. Second, the Queen’s other demand. In the original fairytale, the Queen requested Snow White’s liver, lungs and heart so she could eat them and inherit her stepdaughter’s comely attributes.

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But here in the film, she only wants the heart, and not for lunch. The Queen wants to keep it as a trophy. She even has a disturbingly appropriate box for it at the ready.

Proof that she really puts the ‘grim’ in ‘Grimhilde’.

Snow White, now dressed in her iconic yellow and blue dress, goes out flower picking with the Huntsman waiting not far behind. She spies a lost baby bird, and the moment she turns her back to help it, the Huntsman moves in for the kill. It’s framed like the murderer creeping up to their next victim in a scary movie, slowly building up to the moment he confronts her, with tension you could cut with a – well, you know.

Ultimately the Huntsman is moved by the princess’ humanity and can’t go through with the deed. Instead he reveals the Queen’s plot and pleads her to run, run away, Snow, and never return. Terrified, Snow White flees into the forest where her fears magnify her surroundings. Brambles become gnarled outstretched hands, logs are hungry snapping crocodiles, and there are eyes everywhere, always watching, boring into her every place she turns.

I should note that while developing Snow White, the Disney studio became something of an art college with fine arts and film study classes offered to the staff in order to hone their craft. Some of the movies they studied were horror flicks from the pre-Hays Code era, classics directed by the likes of James Whale and F.W. Murnau. The results speak for themselves. Scenes like this and the Queen’s transformation are why I consider Snow White my very first horror movie. The frightening imagery and darker themes all hide beneath a veneer of Disney childhood innocence. Like a proto-Pan’s Labyrinth, the terror as much psychological as it is fantastical.

A young Sam Raimi watched this and vowed one day he’d make those trees even more terrifying and bad-touchy.

This scene is also the source of one of the most famous stories to come out of the film’s creation. During the planning of the part where Snow falls backwards through an open-mouthed cavern into a lake, one of the animators cried out in terror “Won’t that kill her??” And the whole room fell silent. They reached the point where they no longer thought of Snow White as a cartoon but as an actual person, something that had never happened before. That was the moment where they were officially, as Ben Vereen once put it, on the right track.

Overwhelmed, Snow White collapses in tears. She’s brought back to her senses by the usual cuddly forest inhabitants inexplicably drawn to female royalty in need of assistance. Of course, being the ever-thoughtful soul that she is, Snow apologizes for startling them and making a fuss over how afraid she was, once more putting others before herself. She bonds with the animals through the uplifting “With a Smile and a Song”. Then she spends several minutes talking to them and making plans for the future all in rhyme. I confess it’s one of the weaker moments of the movie, showing that the studio’s transition from the Silly Symphonies to full-fledged filmmaking hasn’t completely been made yet.

The critters lead Snow to a quaint cottage in need of a good cleaning service. Assuming the miniature-sized furniture means the inhabitants are orphaned children, she decides to surprise them by sprucing up the joint, hoping her act of kindness will make them forget her breaking and entering and they’ll let her stay. Said cleanup time is underscored by one of the more upbeat tunes in Disney’s songbook, “Whistle While You Work”. Like Mary Poppin’s “A Spoonful of Sugar” it’s all about finding joy in the little things that make the work go by quicker.

“Here’s the last of the underwear, Bambi. And try not leave any ticks in the laundry this time!”

But as we all know, the cottage belongs not to seven children, but seven little people who work as jewel miners, all the while singing that famous mining song –

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“No, the one sung by dwarves.”

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“Seriously?!”

All joking aside, Heigh-Ho is the best song in the movie, no contest. Easily the catchiest tune here if not the entire Disney canon. If it can keep a theater full of gremlins occupied, it’s doing something right.

Sure, they whistle while they work for now. But once they find the Arkenstone it’s all downhill from here.

And let’s not kid ourselves, the dwarfs are the real reason why we keep returning to Snow White. Their quirk-matching names and designs make each one memorable, they’re endlessly entertaining, and they’re the characters that come the closest to having some form of arc. The group is a prime example of the illusion of life that is animation, exaggerated to a degree that they’re still believable in their movements and mannerisms. Dopey especially works well in this regard, a wonder considering much of his character was developed by happy accident. When an actor suitable enough couldn’t be found, they made the decision to simply mute him. Like much of Disney’s favorite animal sidekicks, they based his personality around that of a lovable dog, though I’d be lying if I didn’t see some Harpo Marx in there as well. As a result, his childlike playfulness and comic timing is up there with Chaplin’s Little Tramp. His hitch step was also an unexpected boon; after animator Frank Thomas put it in one of his scenes, Walt liked it so much that he insisted all previously animated footage of Dopey be redone to include that step. Incidentally, Frank’s popularity among the animation staff reached all-time lows after that announcement.

Snow White flops down for a quick nap on the beds upstairs just as the dwarfs return home. What follows is them sneaking about their now suspiciously squeaky-clean cottage and further establishing their personas through a series of finely-tuned gags (Walt paid five dollars for every good joke his guys could come up with, and this was when five dollars could take you out to dinner and a show). Dopey is elected to check the bedroom and he comes to the conclusion that Snow’s sleeping form is a monster. The dwarfs work up their courage to go kill the beast themselves only to realize in the nick of time that it’s just a harmless girl. But Grumpy, the clear-cut misogynist in the group, isn’t keen on having a “wicked-wiled” female refugee in their abode and shamelessly yells “Let ‘er wake up, she don’t belong here no-how!”

Snow wakes up and instantly charms over everyone except Grumpy as they introduce each other. The dwarfs are shocked and terrified to learn the Queen has put a hit out on her. Grumpy in particular declares the Queen is a powerful witch skilled in the black arts, which is true, and it raises a potent question. Is her magic common knowledge throughout the kingdom, or is it mere speculation? If it’s the former, how did that come to be? What happened to Snow White’s father the king anyhow? All this could make for a very interesting –

“You know what, never mind, forget I said it -“

“Too late! Jenkins, write that down! Bob’s gonna love it!”

“Very good, sir. Shall I pre-heat your crack pipe in preparation for the first draft writing session?”

“Does the Academy loathe streaming services? Hop to it, my man!”

“Hey, I thought you left that jerk to go work for Don Bluth.”

“Shh! I jumped ship after A Troll in Central Park and came back under a new identity. I couldn’t pass up the bankroll Disney’s been on since 2009.”

“Mum’s the word.”

Grumpy’s certain that they’ll be in the Queen’s crosshairs once she learns they’ve been harboring Snow White and demands they kick her out at once. But Snow White stands up for herself and says she can take care of the house for them if they let her stay. Just like Belle offering herself in her father’s place, no one corners Snow into the position of housekeeper. She’s the one who puts herself out there, listing all her best qualities like she’s on an interview. It’s only when she does so (and also mentions she can bake a mean gooseberry pie) that the dwarfs overrule Grumpy and declare she’s welcome in their home.

Yet even when all is said and done, Snow makes it clear that if she’s the one doing the work, then the dwarfs must play by her rules. Immediately following their acceptance, she goes into full Team Mom mode, insisting they improve their manners and wash themselves before dinner’s ready. Doc attempts to get around it by saying they cleaned up “recently”, but despite her sweet nature, Snow won’t let them walk all over her. She does a cleanliness inspection that makes the dwarfs almost as bashful as Bashful himself, and even gets a good bit of sarcasm in (“Why Doc, I’m surprised.”) The dwarfs washing themselves is another one of those Silly Symphony-esque filler scenes, but at least it gives us more time for their fun shenanigans; though I have to wonder if dog piling Grumpy and half-drowning him takes it too far.

“Where’s the money, Legrumpski? Where’s the fucking money??” “It’s down there somewhere, lemme take another look.”

Back at the castle, the Queen is showing off her newly acquired bodily organ to the Magic Mirror while demanding he validate her preconceptions of who’s fair and who’s not. Alas, the Mirror tattles on Snow White’s location and reveals that heart belonged to a pig, which I’ve got to say I’m glad they didn’t show how the Huntsman got ahold of.

Infuriated, the Queen storms down to her secret lab (and no, there’s no wrong lever scene. I’m disappointed too). She brews up a potion made up of ingredients like scream of fright, a thunderbolt and partially hydrogenated dimethylpolysiloxane which will completely transform her into a disguise nobody could suspect her in, an aged peddler woman.

Was I afraid of this scene way back when? Of course, but it was one of those rare moments where I didn’t want to look away either. Here we have a woman dangerously obsessed with beauty becoming the very thing she loathes in order to sate her implacable desires. Not only that but in this disguise she’s able to set loose the insanity buried deep beneath her frigid calculating exterior, grinning and cackling like the witch that she is. The Queen never smiles once when she’s in her true form. But once she’s the old Hag and it’s all cackling and gap-toothed smiles, it’s extremely unnerving.

Case in point.

“Anyone else miss the creepy fade to black where the villain’s eyes remain for a few seconds? Disney needs to bring that back.”

Major props to Lucille LaVerne, who gives a bone chilling and utterly unrecognizable performance as BOTH the Queen and the Hag. She made the switch from one role to the next by removing her false teeth between recording sessions. In doing so she gave us one of the great Disney villain performances.

The part where she preps the infamous poisoned apple does undercut some of her menace, however. The Hag is supposed to be sharing her scheming with a cowardly raven, but due to how much she stares directly into the camera while monologuing, it comes off as directly addressing the audience, like we’re watching her in a play. It’s not just the Silly Symphony style of storytelling creeping in, it’s melodramatic semi-vaudevillian theatrics that early Hollywood was moving well away from at this point. And again, what’s with the sudden speaking in rhyme?

At the last moment the Hag looks up a possible antidote to the poison and learns that it’s Love’s First Kiss. However she scoffs at the notion that Snow White can be saved because she’s counting on the dwarfs believing the princess is dead and burying her alive.

“For those of you who claim Disney waters down fairy tales into saccharine pap, I point you to Snow White.”

And it doesn’t end there. As the Hag leaves the dungeons, she passes a cell where a skeleton is sprawled out between the bars, reaching for a water pitcher. It’s bad enough to imagine this poor soul dying of thirst, spending their last moments with salvation just out of their grasp, but the Hag openly mocks the skeleton and kicks the pitcher aside. If that’s not a deciding irredeemably evil factor moment, it comes pretty darn close.

This would have also tied into an important but ultimately scrapped sequence where the Queen kidnaps the Prince, locks him in the dungeon to keep him from saving Snow White and torments him by detailing her elaborate scheme.

This sounds vaguely familiar…

Depending on which pitch you’re reading, the Prince refuses the Queen’s offer of marriage, and she enchants the chained-up skeletons of other scorned suitors to dance in an extremely misguided attempt keep him entertained while she’s out, or floods the dungeon to drown him. He makes a daring escape and rides to the rescue on horseback.

Again, vaguely familiar…

Unfortunately we had to wait twenty-plus years for this to happen because the animators weren’t confident in their abilities to create a believable male character. This is why the Prince appears only in the beginning and the end of the movie (and by extension why the Cinderella’s Prince is barely in that feature as well). When it came to making Snow White look realistic, they subtly incorporated some rotoscoping in a few places (I’d call it cheating but it’s difficult to tell where it begins or ends because she looks that good eighty years later). But I guess it just wasn’t worth the effort to do the same for her love interest, who doesn’t even get the dignity of an official name (fans go back and forth between Florian and Ferdinand). He’s reduced to a deus ex machina – which to be fair is exactly how he was treated in the fairytale. The movie has the slight advantage over that, however, by setting him up before he arrives for that wake-up kiss.

“And now it’s time for Silly Songs With Happy, the part of the review where Happy comes out and sings a silly song. Today’s interlude, appropriately titled “The Silly Song”, features choreography which has gone on to inspire many other Disney musical sequences dating as far ahead as the 70’s.”

“Hold it!! It’s just the exact same movements with the Robin Hood cast grafted over them!”

“Is there a problem with that?”

“Well…no…it’s just a bit distracting when you finally notice it. I mean I love Disney’s Robin Hood, but boy did they take the main character’s attitude towards stealing to heart when it came to the animation.”

And yes, “The Silly Song” itself is fun too. It’s one of the less remembered Disney tunes, though I have fond memories of it due to its inclusion in the Sing-Along video lineup. The decision to have it follow the Hag’s unsettling introduction makes perfect sense; I could imagine audiences experiencing it for the first time needed a bit of a breather after that.

I guess I should mention the musical number we could have had instead of this one, though. “Music in Your Soup” was a similarly lighthearted song that was fully recorded and animated before it was ultimately cut. It was expertly animated, featured more dwarf-Snow White interactions, and it also closed up a plot hole involving a bar of soap Dopey swallowed earlier. Still, it didn’t add much to the story overall and it disrupted the flow, and keeping both that and “The Silly Song” would have been superfluous; so as much as I like “Music In Your Soup” I think they made the right call in sticking with “The Silly Song”.

After the dancing, Snow regales the dwarfs with a love story, though they quickly figure out she’s talking about herself and her prince. She dispenses with the self-insert fanfiction and sings the movie’s eleven o’clock number “Someday My Prince Will Come”. Bawl all you want about setting women’s rights back a decade, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still a lovely song, even without Casselotti’s vocals. In fact, much of the movie’s soundtrack has been a go-to for jazz artists through the decades ranging from Miles Davis to Dave Brubeck. The pure simplicity of Larry Morey’s lyrics and Frank Churchill’s melodies are ripe for riffing on. Virtually every cover I’ve found succeeds in the impossible task of measuring up to the original in some capacity. The action in the song itself is subtle and restrained, mainly focusing on the dwarfs’ reactions. It’s not only good storytelling, but a clever way to get around showing more of Snow White than the animators could handle; she was already tough enough to animate even with rotoscoping.

Snow realizes how late it’s getting and ushers the dwarfs to bed; however Doc and the others try to behave like gentlemen and allow her to sleep upstairs while they take up whatever space they can fill on the lower floor. It goes to show how much her kindness and politeness has had an influence on them, at least while she’s around. Them taking up whatever sleeping space they can find on the ground floor is an excuse to squeeze more gags in, but I’m fond of how it lets us wind down and take in this cozy atmosphere.

The next morning before they head out the dwarfs warn Snow White to beware of strangers. Even Grumpy can’t help but show concern in his own gruff tsundere way. It’s little touches like this that reveal Snow White’s unwavering compassion is chipping away at his chauvinist attitude and he really does care about her after all –

Hang on, they couldn’t spare ONE dwarf to stick around and keep an eye out in case the Queen does drop by? They’re really think the Queen isn’t going to make another murder attempt as soon as possible? They sadly must, because no sooner do the dwarfs heigh-ho off to work than the Hag creeps up like a meth user turned Jehovah’s Witness.

“Hello, my name is Elder Grim. Would you care to learn more about our lord and savior Chernabog?”

After the animals fail to communicate the obvious danger, they fetch the dwarfs for help. Meanwhile the Hag has convinced Snow White to let her into the cottage and show off her “magic wishing apple”.

Already I can hear the slapping of a thousand facepalms through my screen. I get why, but there’s something about the situation that feels strangely relatable. The Queen is fully aware of Snow White’s gentle, trusting nature and knows how to take full advantage of the girl. Snow isn’t all smiles and open arms though. There’s a split second of regret the moment she divulges she’s by herself, and as the Hag literally corners her into tasting the poison apple her body language gives away how uncomfortable she is. Even the cottage itself grows darker and claustrophobic, mirroring her trapped state. Snow White knows there’s definitely something off about this stranger, but there’s the downside of her kind personality. She can’t bring herself to kick the old lady out no matter how wrong this scenario inherently feels.

“Just keep smiling and slowly reach for the mace.”

Ultimately the Hag coaxes her into tasting the apple. Every breath leading up to it is dramatically intercut with the dwarfs led by Grumpy (further proof Snow White really has gotten through to the old softie) racing back to the cottage.

Do you want to know why the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is considered one of the scariest movies of all time? Because for all its promise of a gory spectacular, the violence is deliberately kept offscreen. Our imaginations fill in the blanks and come up with even worse terrors than they could possibly show. Snow White’s poisoning works on that logic. All we hear is her gasping and groaning as the Hag gleefully looks on, ending with the most cinematic shot of the film.

If you’re still convinced Snow’s a dunce for biting the big apple, trust me, it’s a vast improvement over the original. The Queen showed up in disguise three times to kill Snow White with varying methods: strangulation by laces, a poisoned comb, and of course the apple. This was cut down to the last one for obvious reasons – not only would the story be repetitive and extremely padded if they remained, but it makes Snow White look like an idiot for falling for the same trap thrice in a row. The only time I’ve ever seen the inclusion of all three murder attempts work is in the anime The Legend of Snow White (which despite the laughably bad English dub is worth checking out). By the time the Queen comes around with the apple in that instance, Snow White is well aware of who she’s dealing with. But she plays along because the Queen has turned the kingdom to stone, and the only way to break the curse is by taking the bait and destroying her staff while she thinks she’s down, thus turning what was once an act of naivete into a heroic sacrifice.

The Hag exits the cottage feeling confident in who’s the fairest now just in time for the dwarfs to show up. They chase her through a thunderstorm up a cliff side. Literally trapped between a rock and a hard place, she attempts to dislodge a boulder and crush her pursuers. But Zeus is having none of that and a lightning bolt strikes the cliff, plummeting the Hag to her doom.

To quote Linkara, “Thus the origin for ‘Rocks fall, everybody dies’.”

And in case you’re still thinking she could have survived that drop, even with that boulder tilting over after her, the vultures that have been tailing her since she left the castle begin circling lower and lower over the place where she now lies. A chilling, subtle way to show they’re getting a meal after all.

We fade to a wake the dwarfs are holding for Snow White, complete with organ music and weeping – LOTS of sad, silent, motionless weeping. Poor Grumpy gets the worst of it. One can only imagine the tsunami of emotion he must have felt coming home to see that she was making a pie just for him. Like “Someday My Prince Will Come” it shows how restraint can be an asset in acting for animation. Considering how it’s very much like a real-life wake and just how much everyone believes Snow White is truly dead, this was a tough scene to get through.

The seasons pass and we’re told through title cards that the dwarfs couldn’t find it in themselves to bury Snow White, so they built a glass coffin and kept constant vigil along with the depressed forest animals.

“Clearly the idea of watching her slowly decompose over time never crossed their little minds.”

The funeral on top of the wake keeps piling on the sadness. We’re used to animated features moving us to tears, but you have to remember for audiences back then this was an entirely new experience because no animation dared to get this heavy. Think about it: Shirley Temple, Charlie Chaplin, the best and the brightest of Hollywood who poo-pooed Walt for his ridiculous idea – all moved to tears over Snow White. I can only imagine the satisfaction Walt must have felt hearing their sobbing at the premiere. Again, going back to that animator who felt genuine fear for her safety, the audience developed an emotional bond with the character just as they would for a real human on screen.

The Prince FINALLY shows up again still singing his One Song. Believing the love he has long searched for to be lost to him forever, he says his final farewell by bestowing her with Love’s First Kiss.

“Ah – “

“If you make ONE necrophilia joke, I swear I’ll take all the Adam Sandler movies off the Shelf.”

“Please, no!! I’ll have nothing to fully snark at!!”

The kiss does its work and Snow White awakens none the worse for wear. And since what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, she’s immune to all poison ingested via deciduous fruit now. That’ll make ruling the kingdom she’s inherited from her stepmother and disappeared father much easier. And for those of you complaining how a magical kiss is a cop out, trust me, it’s better than how the original fairytale resolved it.

“Somewhere my love lies sleeping, and here she is! I’ll pay you dwarfs anything to let me take her back to my castle and keep her there as a memento of our tragic love.”

“This had better be worth it, she weighs a freaking ton!” “OHH, there goes my hernia!” *BANG*

*HACKHACKCOUGHHACK* “Thanks for the Heimlich, guys, damn apple’s been stuck in my throat for a year!”

“Seriously, I’m not making that up. Plus, they invite the Queen to the wedding and force her to dance to death in red-hot iron shoes.”

Everyone rejoices, Snow White says goodbye to the dwarfs, and the Prince leads her on his horse to his shining palace in the clouds. They all live happily ever after, the end.

And that’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the very first animated Disney movie. Do I believe the American Film Institute’s claims that it’s the best animated film of all time? Well, to be honest, no. The main characters aren’t as developed compared to future Disney protagonists, the animation goes noticeably off model at times, and it’s got one foot stuck in the style of the Silly Symphonies shorts that came before.

Is it the most influential animated film, however? Of course! Without it animation wouldn’t be as mainstream as it is today. While the formula has been updated and subverted through the decades, most animated features follow a similar blueprint – a dastardly villain, fun side characters, memorable music, distinct visual flair, fighting, torture, true love, miracles, you get the picture. We wouldn’t have any of that without Snow White. Once upon a time, this movie was the Star Wars of its era; a groundbreaking, audience-thrilling blockbuster that changed the way people looked at movies. Part of that is because Snow White taps into an emotional simplicity in a manner few films are able to. It relies more on providing an emotional catharsis than logic, inviting us to experience the story as we once did through the eyes of a child, and in doing so captures the essence of a classic fairy tale.

In fact, looking at the ripple effect of how movies can influence one another across the years, Snow White ranks among one of the most influential movies made in general. Apart from Disney you can see its echoes in The Wizard of Oz, Gulliver’s Travels, Citizen Kane, and yes, the original Star Wars. Even Sergei Eisenstein, the man who revolutionized filmmaking with freaking Battleship Potemkin, declared Snow White to be the greatest film ever made.

…So why did Walt Disney come to hate it later on in life?

Every movie that’s met with acclaim and accolades is bound to hit some backlash for one reason or another. Maybe it’s been overhyped, or time hasn’t been that kind to it. For Walt, Snow White leaned into the latter as his artistic prowess grew. No creator likes looking at their past work because it’s easier to notice the flaws when viewing it through a more experienced eye (believe me, I know). That, and no matter what he did, it seemed impossible to escape from Snow White’s shadow. For decades everything he created was inevitably compared to it.

Hmm, the animation and music are an improvement, but what it’s really missing are some dwarfs.

Hmm, the creativity leaps off the charts, but if only the score had lyrics that rhyme with the words “shmeigh shmo”.

Hmm, it’s breathtaking and magical, but it’d be perfect if you could just sit and watch it for eighty minutes without interacting with any of it at all.

Hmm, it’s practically perfect in every way, but…um…uh…more dwarfs, dammit!!

Thankfully Walt’s displeasure mellowed after some time. As for Snow White, she’s still rightfully hailed as the one that started it all. The art is iconic, the characters are unforgettable, and virtually all the songs are Disney gold standards for a reason. Well before Rodgers and Hammerstein changed the face of musical theater by having the score and the book go hand in hand, Snow White did it first in the cinemas. In fact this was the first movie to ever have a commercially released soundtrack, another confounded idea Hollywood wouldn’t understand for quite a while. Though time may temper with modern expectations, Snow White is as much a classic now as it was destined to be eighty years ago, and nothing can touch it. It still is the fairest one of all.

“HA! Try to remake/sequelize THAT, Disney!”

“Excuse me, is it too late to join this review?”

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Oh, where are my manners? I’m Snow White’s sister, Rose Red.”

“…You sure you’re not just a color-swapped OC clone from Deviantart?”

“Of course I’m not, silly! I’m in the fairytale and everything! Well, not THE fairytale per se, but there is one titled ‘Snow White and Rose Red’ where we’re siblings.”

“Checks out. They’re technically related.”

“Okay, but what are you doing here?”

“I was just wondering when you were going to discuss my upcoming movie!”

“Your…movie?”

“Oh yes! It’s going to be Disney’s Snow White all over again but from MY point of view! Isn’t that exciting?”

“But…but you weren’t even in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”

“I know! I was off to the side doing…well, you’ll have to wait and see! The lady who wrote that Gone Girl knockoff that takes place on a train and the Indecent Proposal remake is doing the screenplay and she is just delightful!”

“…Excuse me for one moment.”

“Oh dear. Have I said something wrong?”

“It’s ok. This is just the part of the review where Shelf goes berserk.”

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Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this review, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Special thanks to Amelia Jones and Gordhan Ranaj for their contributions.

You can vote for what movie you want me to look at next by leaving it in the comments or emailing me at [email protected]. Remember, you can only vote once a month. The list of movies available to vote for are under “What’s On the Shelf”.

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Artwork by Charles Moss.

Most screencaps courtesy of animationscreencaps.com.

February Review: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) If there's a reason why we're able to recall the story of Snow White from memory, and why said princess is usually depicted with short hair, a cute bow and surrounded by woodland fauna, look no further than Disney.

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bigskydreaming · 6 years

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You know what I need more of in the X-franchise, Marvel? Above all else?

Official adoption narratives. Especially of older kids.

The X-Men’s greatest strength as a franchise is that they’re one of the ultimate examples of the found family trope. Practically every single one of them is all about finding bonds within the X-Men that they couldn’t in their biological family, if they even had one they’d ever known at all.

And because of the weird nature of time in comic books and how they want to keep characters relatively young forever, they tend to shy away from storylines that would provide an easy comparison for exactly how old certain characters are supposed to be, such as having kids. It’s not easy, narratively speaking, to keep kids young forever, and its a lot easier to be vague on whether an older X-character is meant to be early thirties or closer to forty than it is to be vague on whether their child is meant to be seven or thirteen. Which is why even when they do baby storylines, inevitably they use time travel or accelerated aging or something like that to turn the baby into a grown character like with Cable and then with Hope Summers and assorted other instances.

So even though most of the X-Men are now assumed to be in their late twenties to late thirties age wise, and with this reflected in their teacher-student dynamics with current teen characters, none of the X-Men have really ever started families of their own, outside of the occasional storyline where evil scientists or supervillains result in an X-character getting a teenage clone or already adult child. And of course not having children is a perfectly valid choice for any adult, be they single, a couple, and regardless of how family oriented they are or not. But it bugs when you know the only reason none of the X-Men are parents by this point is just because Marvel doesn’t like dealing with the issue of young kids skewing their timeline.

And it especially bugs when you consider that there’s an extremely viable, simple and obvious way to fill this void with a narrative that’s 100% in character for all the X-Men, and that could use waaaaaay more representation in media anyway.

LET. THE. X-MEN. ADOPT. KIDS.

Especially older ones, the ones too often written off as problem children and trouble makers or ‘too old to really help’. The ones so often treated in media as though they’re basically glorified houseguests, just there to be materially provided for until they’re eighteen. Like there’s a cut off point after which older kids can’t possibly still want not just a guardian but a PARENT, not just a mother or father figure, but someone who wants to BE their mom or dad. Like adults can’t possibly form a parent child bond as strong as any biological one if the child doesn’t come into their life before they’re a teenager, when they’re still a cute little adorable tyke.

Give me Bobby Drake encountering a gay trans mutant teenager whose parents kicked them out of the house. Bobby Drake, with his own experiences growing up in an emotionally abusive and neglectful home, who knows that this particular child needs more than just being brought to the school and getting lost in the crowd, that this child needs someone who says you deserve a parent who loves you and I want to be that parent. Because hell, every kid needs and deserves that of course, but something about the way Bobby connects with this kid right off the bat, like he just knows that what this kid needs, he can be and hey, maybe this kid is what he needs too. His love life has always been a disaster, but kids? He knows kids, hey everyone says he basically is a kid, but that’s never meant he doesn’t know how to be an adult when someone needs him to be. And hey, he’s spent the last fifteen years mastering the art of the embarrassing dad joke, no sense in letting that go to waste.

Give me Ororo Munroe adopting a STEM-loving black teenager with thick glasses and a habit of babbling when she’s nervous. Which is often at first, but gradually fades as she outright BLOSSOMS under the attention Storm showers her with, her insecurities nothing in the face of the knowledge that this legendary superhero, a woman who has been both a goddess and a queen, chose HER, looked at her when nobody else ever had and said this is her, this is the child of my heart. Whose excited ramblings about math and physics might seem an odd match for Storm at first, but really is just another way of connecting with and understanding the world around them. And Storm in turn, who never really liked being called either a goddess or a queen, but who basks in the memory of the first time her daughter called her ‘Mom.’ Who is so used to be treated reverently, but from a distance, by so many people who don’t get that nobody really wants to be considered majestic all the time, that the first time her daughter musters the confidence to tell her that for all her many talents, Storm is apparently terrible at making pancakes, all she can do is throw back her head and laugh in delight.

Give me Kurt meeting his daughter when he evacuates a burning building one teleport at a time, too exhausted by the end of it to be anything more than utterly unsurprised by the crowd keeping their usual distance thanks to his appearance. All except for one girl, standing apart from the rest, pointing at him almost reverently. “You have a tail, like me,” she says, awed.

Give me Rogue and Remy, who have always wanted a big family free of expectations or agendas, everything they wanted for themselves but never really got to have. Who’ve been nervous about starting a family for a long time, Rogue uncertain about having and raising a baby given how unpredictable her control over her powers can be, Remy uncertain about how good a father he’d be....until the day they take down what they thought was a new mutant crime ring. Turned out really to be a couple of older criminals exploiting a bunch of teen and younger mutant kids with a variety of obvious mutations that make it an unfortunately safe bet the foster system isn’t too invested in figuring out why they slipped through the cracks. There’s one who seems to be the oldest, despite the fact that he’s barely five feet of foul-mouthed, defiant fury, and he’s still more than willing to pit his malnourished frame against the two older intruders trying to mess with his ‘family’. Rogue and Remy look at each other and just know, and when the whole group arrives back at the school, various foster families the X-Men reached out to are all ready and eager to make sure each of the children has someone they feel comfortable around to go home with....no one all that surprised when the only ones the scowling young pipsqueak deems acceptable are Rogue and Remy themselves. Who are more than happy to comply.

Honestly, they’d have taken the whole group in if they could, but its one thing to want a big family and its another thing to....start off with a big family right off the bat with zero actual parenting experience. Still, they’re more than willing to host any of the others whenever their newly adopted son asks if one or two can come over. It’s obvious seeing for himself that they’re doing okay helps settle him, after feeling responsible for them for so long. And who could blame him....Rogue and Remy are more than a little attached to all the little scamps by this point, they certainly see enough of them, and there swiftly comes the day that they realize they’re more reluctant to see them go back home than even the kids themselves. Remy heads to the living room where his son is camped out in front of the TV, stands between the two until he’s forced to look up at the X-Man crossing his arms, eyes narrowed. “You’re a little con artist,” Remy accuses admiringly. The scoundrel smirks. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was still here first though. I’m not sharing a room.”

Give me a LeBeau household that’s crowded and cramped and chaotic and messy and so full of love it’s like a physical punch to the face the second you open the door to the sound of several kids screaming at each other, full Defcon 5. It’s not always easy, and its not always nice. Sometimes older kids do have behavioral issues, because that’s what happens when someone’s been nothing but screwed over for most of their life. But the kind of choice Rogue and Remy made that first day isn’t really a choice, and its definitely not one they’d ever take back, so they weather the ups and downs and the good and the bad, anchoring themselves with the memory of themselves at those ages, and what they would’ve given for someone who didn’t want or need anything from them and would never give up on them, no matter how much they pushed them away.

And Remy, who for all he’s seen and done in his life, never got around to joining in most of the X-Men’s baseball games. Or, well, learning to play it, really. But dads should be able to play catch with their kids, he figures. Oh, he doesn’t think they’ll be like, horribly scarred or anything if they don’t, but, y’know. Might be nice. So he seeks out Bobby and Sam and Jean and various others for what should be a quick tutorial, except for the fact that Remy seems to be bizarrely untalented at this one specific thing. Meanwhile, one of the girls is very into pink dresses and French braids and all the things Rogue most decidedly is not, but if her daughter wants to be a pretty princess, Rogue is not going to be the reason her daughter can’t be a goddamn princess. So she rolls up the sleeves of her bomber jacket and marches off to Janet van Dyne’s, because if you gotta learn how to braid hair, where else would you go, she figures.

Except two weeks later and they’re up after midnight at the kitchen table, Rogue practicing on a damn doll and about to pull out her own hair while Remy scowls at the glove he’s trying to break in, finding the whole process to be utterly stupid. He looks over at Rogue, about to melt the doll’s head off with the power of her ire. “Trade ya?” He asks hopefully. “God yes,” Rogue groans. “Why didn’t we think of this weeks ago?”

Which results in the other girls joining their mother in terrorizing the other X-Men families at baseball, with yodeling battle cries and a complete and utter disdain for any of the actual rules of the game, while most of the boys flock to learning to braid hair from Remy and their sister. Their own hair tends to be too short to do much more than tie it off in the back with a short little pony tail. “I like that shade of pink,” Rogue says to one, of the ribbon used. He rolls his eyes. “It’s fuchsia, Mom.”

“Of course it is, sweetheart,” she says flatly, shooting Remy an exasperated look. He smirks, unrepentant.

Give me a legacy generation of adopted X-Men children who want nothing more than to grow up to be just like their parents, because they’re secure in the knowledge their parents want nothing more of them than to be happy. Who grow up not safe, because the mansion or school or wherever the X-Men are based will never truly be safe, but none of them were really safe to begin with, and at least now they’re happy and loved and they’ll take that over safe any day. Give me a next generation of X-Men who are as diverse and varied as the X-Men should’ve all been from the start, if not for an industry and audience mired in racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc....but a next generation of diverse new characters who benefit from close personal ties to the most iconic X-Men, giving them a potential profile and staying power most other newly created characters can never hope to match. Except in the cases of new characters who capitalize on exactly those kinds of close personal ties, like X-23.

You’ve been using the X-Men to provide narratives about surrogate parent figures for decades now, with Wolverine and Kitty and then Wolverine and Jubilee, with various other characters in a number of dynamics. But with rare exceptions of stories that ultimately only last for a short arc or two or else never get mentioned again, like with Dani and Elixir or Northstar and his daughter, there’s hardly ever any instances of actual adoption or X-characters not just establishing a close mentor or guardian bond, but an actual familial relationship. The only one I can really think of is Cable and Hope, and like....spoilers, so....yeah.

Anyway.

Marvel looooooves to play up the tragic home life backstory for most of its teen or new mutants, with their being a huge number of characters over the years who’ve either been orphaned or disowned or rejected by their families because they’re mutants.

And you expect me to believe that in all this time, not a single one of these X-Men has ever looked at one of these kids and said “you know what? You need a home, I can give you a home, let’s make this happen”?

Nope. Fake. Unrealistic. OOC.

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afafaefse · 3 years

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Seeing a police car with our city name on it

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tomeandflickcorner · 6 years

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Bonus- Star Wars Re-Watch notes

As a follow-up to the Star Wars reviews I’ve been posting for the past few weeks, I decided to post the notes I made during my re-watches for the movies. The only movie that isn’t included among these notes will be the ones for Solo. That’s because I wasn’t able to take notes in the thearte.

Hope you enjoy

Phantom Menace notes-

• I wonder if they’ll ever change the logo to 21st Century Fox. • So this all started with the debate on taxation for intergalactic trades? Why does this remind me of how the revolutionary war started? • Hah. Female C3PO. • Why is that catchphrase mostly associated with Han when everybody has had a chance saying it? • If they didn’t want them to be recognized as Jedi, why wouldn’t they go in disguise? • RIP, random unnamed people. • Force Power = Holding your breath for an extended period of time? • Hate to break it to you, Amadala, but I don’t think they’re interested in a peaceful negotiations. • Hi, Jar Jar! • Love that line, Qui Gon. • So, they just happen to be carrying underwater breathing apparatuses? • If it’s that easy to enter the bubble houses, do many fishes accidently end up in there? • Oh, I love the elaborate fauna that exists in this world! • Did he just knock Jar Jar out with the Force? • How did the Queen manage to change clothes so quickly with the invasion going on? • I’m no expert, but I don’t think a contract is legal if it’s signed under duress. • Haha. I gotta admit, I love that droid’s sass. • Surprised no one got grazed with all the gunfire. • Hi, R2! • That was a lucky shot. • R2 was catty even back then. • Of course everyone was blown up except for R2. • Lesser of two evils, I guess. Reminds me of that scene from Avatar: The Last Airbender. When Zuko and Iroh were trying to decide if they should risk getting caught by Azula or venture into the Earth Kindgom where they were considered enemies. • What’s Darth Maul’s story? • So, what’s the relationship between Naboo people and the Gungans? Do they normally remain segregated? • Why would R2 be going with them? • Has Anakin never seen a young girl before? • So Watto’s species is naturally smarter than Gungans? • Why would Jar Jar think that a good idea? Do they not have merchants in Gungan City? • Wait. So….they can’t send transmissions, but they can receive them without an issue? • How can a protocol droid help his mom? Especially since she’s a slave? • Also, how would Anakin have the time and resources to build one? • Revenge for what? • So you’re saying only Force-sensitive people can participate in Pod Races? Or are humans usually less agile than other species? • Hang on. So Watto enters this kid into the Pod Races, but he won’t let him build his own racer? • Great, a Jesus kid. • So, only Padmé cares enough to help free him from the jet engine thing? • How’d he get cut again? • Ah, the Midichlorian thing. • So, has Darth Maul been visiting every planet systematically? • So, who’s Ani’s friend? Why would he have come to the race when the other kids didn’t? • So. I’m guessing the main languages of Tattoine are Huttanese and Basic? • Hmm. Are those flags representing the racers’ native planets? • What a dirty cheater! He’s that threatened by this one kid, or is doing that to all the other racers? • Who’s the other Hutt with Jabba? • And now we commence with the boredom. • Wait, was that Willow? • The Tuskin Raiders must be pretty bored to be waiting around to shoot at the racers. • What exactly is the route for this race? • Did he just Force Command that loose bit of pipe? • Well, that backfired on Sebulba. • JAWAS! • The Hutts must be pretty scary, if the threat of going to them is enough to get Watto to relent. • What kind of undershirt is that, anyway? It looks like it’s made of sticks • Why were they running? Did they know they were being chased? • Another small hint of who Padmé really is. • Why would she need to remember him? Was it specifically stated they’d be parting ways? • You’ve known each other for three days. Why would they care for each other already? • Did Jar Jar just comment on the Queen’s attractiveness? • Another costume change? • I like Mace Windu. There’s just something about him that puts you at ease. • He’s not as awesome as Yoda, though. • Is that Padmé or the decoy? • How old do you have to be to become a Jedi? Do you have to be a toddler? • Never understood how fear could lead to anger. Like, what if you’re afraid of leeches? Or Vermicious Knids? How would that fear lead to anger? • Awww. They should have gone with Bali of Alderaan. He’s a cool guy! • So, is Palpatine a native of Naboo? • Oh, is this where Obi Wan got the whole Point of View thing from? • How many times does this Queen change outfits? • What a twist! • So, the Gungans are basically canon fodder? • Is that the same technology they used to make the bubble city? What exactly keeps the blaster fire out but lets actual people in? • Is that really the best hiding place Anakin could find? • Yeah, ‘I’ll try to override it,’ he says. While reaching for the helmet. He’s totally doing this on purpose. • Who keeps designing these places with walkways over gaping pits? And not including railings? Seems like a pretty stupid architectural flaw. • Yeah, but you can still go back to the planet while staying in the cockpit. Just saying • What’s the purpose of these timed forcefields in this room? Why were they installed in the first place? • What’s that supposed to do, dude? • Yeah, that’s a death. • Why do we never see blood in these movies? • And of course the camera focuses on him when that question is asked. • What exactly is that static light ball?

Attack of the Clones Notes-

• So, basically, a bunch of planets are declaring themselves independent from the Republic? Why does this sound like how America declared independence from Britain? • Hi, R2! • Wow! Spoke too soon, dude! • Ah, so Padmé is still using decoys. RIP, Decoy Lady. • Hmm. Is Yoda suspicious of him? That look he gave Palpatine just now… • So it’s been ten years since Phantom Menace? • Oh, Anakin. Stop flirting with her. • Um…it might not be a smart idea to have this argument in front of them? Just a suggestion. • Anakin’s attraction to Padmé seems very creepy to me. He met her when he was nine. And they haven’t spoken since then. That’s not love, that’s obsession. • How’s that for a wake-up call? • Haha. ‘You’ll be the death of me.’ Nice foreshadowing, movie. • The Death Sticks scene. Classic. • Yeah, Jedi Masters. I respect you and all. But it’s probably a bad idea to send the hormonal 19 year old to act as bodyguard to his crush. • Shut up, Anakin. You could use a healthy dose of humility. • You’re not grown up! You’re 19 years old! Talk to me in 10 more years. • So, what’s the story behind Obi-Wan’s friendship with this Dax character? • Wait. If Droids could think? Is Obi-Wan racist against Droids? • Was that a sex joke? • Well, aren’t we overly confident, Librarian Lady? • Wow. Seems like everyone is racist against Droids. • Yoda, I love you. • So they really needed a kid to point out that the information about this planet was erased from the archives? That doesn’t say much for the adults in the Jedi order. • So on Naboo, the Queen is more of a president? Serving a few terms and then stepping down to allow a new ruler step in? • Is this the new Queen of Naboo? • Oh, Anakin. Shut up. You’re kinda unlikable. • That’s right, Obi-Wan. Play along. Don’t let them know you’re completely in the dark. • Padmé, how can you be seriously charmed by him? He’s being really creepy. • Ah. A bounty hunter is here. And you’re looking for a bounty hunter. Coincidence? • Suppose it shouldn’t be surprising that these clones look like Stormtroopers? • Are they really swapping first kiss stories? • You’re talking about a dictatorship. • And Padmé is on the same page as me. • PADMÉ! THE WARNING BELLS AREN’T GOING OFF IN YOUR HEAD AFTER THAT REMARK?! HOW TIGHT IS THAT BRAID OF YOURS? I THINK IT’S CUTTING OFF THE BLOODFLOW TO YOUR BRAIN! • Yep. There’s the bounty hunter’s armor. • Am I supposed to ship these two? Cause I really don’t. • So. This order was made ten years ago. Right after the end of the last movie, perhaps? • You’re telling me that Anakin never was allowed to visit his mother at all in the past 10 years? I know Jedi mandate means you have to let go of your past, but come on. • Hello again, Watto. • Saturn Planet! Saturn is my favorite planet. • Baby Boba Fett is a very violent child. Laughing when he thinks his father just killed a Jedi. • Who finished building C3-PO? • Ah. Young Owen and Beru. • Why exactly would Tuskin Raiders abduct a woman? For what purpose? • Padmé is still changing her wardrobe in every single scene. Where does she get all her clothes? Does she have a team of seamstresses following her everywhere and making these things for her? • Cameo of the Jawas. • So these are the Separatists. • Oh, of course she doesn’t die until right after Anakin gets there. • Ooooh. Darth Vader theme. • Anakin, everything must die someday. It’s the natural order of things. • Sooo…..no concern over how he just confessed to committing genocide, Padmé? • Who do the other two graves belong to? • So it’s Padmé’s fault Anakin is defying the Jedi Council. • So Count Duku was the Jedi who taught Qui-Gon? • Well, the Jedi didn’t sense Darth Maul before he appeared before them. So it’s not that impossible that Darth Sidious eluded detection, too. Just saying. • So, what does Yoda think about Palpatine getting these supreme powers? • At least the décor for this epic battle scene makes sense. They’re in a robot manufacturing factory. • R2 can fly now? When did that become a thing? • How do you know R2 is always getting into trouble, 3PO? You’ve spent next to no amount of time with him outside of Tatooine. • You cut that a little close, R2. • Gotta admit. First time I saw this movie, I thought this was going to be how Anakin lost his hand. • Wow. So, we’re about to die. Now will be the perfect time to admit I’ve been falling in love with your creepy, obsessive personality. • Obi-Wan’s sass is delightful. • Oh, I LOVE the creatures in this world! And I really want a pet Nexu. • Smart move, Padmé. • Another Force Power- the ability to tame animals. Awesome. • Mace Windu is awesome. • Ouch! Yeah, that’ll leave a mark! • 3PO really is pointless. • Perfect timing, Yoda. You’re the best. • Um… Is Daddy Bounty Hunter’s head still inside his helmet? Baby Boba Fett is going to have quite the job scrubbing the blood off the interior • Death Star blueprints! • Does Yoda sense something? • You kinda asked for that, Anakin. Only fools rush in. • Why do they never bleed when they lose a limb? • YEAH! GO YODA! • So Yoda taught Dooku, who taught Qui-Gon, who taught Obi-Wan. • And Dooku escapes, despite everyone’s best efforts. • Imperial March theme! • Still don’t get why Padme fell for this creep.

Clone Wars notes-

• Ha! Text crawl! • Oh, no text crawl • What is this? A documentary announcer? • Jabba the Hutt has a son? • Why is it always Obi-Wan and Anakin? Oh, right- they’re the main characters. • What was it Mace Windu said about Jedi? That they were keepers of the peace and not soldiers? That’s sure changed. Obi-Wan is a general now. • Wait. Did Obi-Wan say he got a new Padawan? I thought you could only have one Padawan at a time. That’s what they said in Phantom Menace. Isn’t Anakin still Obi-Wan’s Padawan? • Wait, she’s Anakin’s Padawan? How? I thought only Jedi Masters could train Padawans. Since when is Anakin a Jedi Master? • How old is Ahsoka Tano supposed to be? Anakin is saying she’s too young to be a Padawan. But he was nine when he started training under Obi-Wan. • Jedi don’t run? That seems like a dumb rule? • Oh, Obi-Wan. You’re kinda extra, aren’t you? • How does it feel to deal with such an impulsive, headstrong Padawan, Anakin? Now you know how Obi-Wan felt. • I just noticed. Since when does Anakin have a purple lightsaber? Yeah, his lightsaber broke in Attack of the Clones, but….didn’t he have a blue one in Revenge of the Sith? • And Anakin is still a jerk. • Does Anakin have a grudge against the Hutts? Considering he lived on Tatooine…. • Wow. That’s brutal! • Hmm... I kinda like this background music. • Aw, a Pink Astromech droid with R2? I ship it! • Too bad you never learned the lesson about humility, Anakin. • Is the protocol Droid Jabba’s utilizing the one we saw being ripped apart in Return of the Jedi? • So who’s this lady? • We still have an hour left? What more is there to say? They found the Baby Hutt. • Oh, that’s a diabolical move, Dooku. Framing the Jedi for the son’s kidnapping. • Does Baby Hutt speak yet? If so, he’d be able to set the record straight to his father. • Wilhelm Scream! • Why does he call her Snips? I think I missed the reasoning for that nickname. • Props to this guy. That was a brave move. • Do they know Mystery Lady? • Captain Rex is pretty cool. • I guess Baby Hutt physiological system isn’t compatible to this planet. Is that why he’s sick? • Seriously, who is this Vestris person? • Okay, I know the Soldier Droids are the bad guys, but they’re hilarious. • RIP to those guys. • Well, that some getaway. • Wow, she’d make a good babysitter. • Ohhhh. He was remembering how the Tuskin Raiders killed Shmi, wasn’t he? • Wow. So you’re claiming that Baby Hutt is dead now? You’re gonna look mighty silly when he shows up alive and well. • Oh, hi, Padmé. I didn’t think you’d appear in this movie. • Did R2 complain like that the first time he went to Tatooine? Just saying, he’s been there twice before. By now, you’d think he’d be used to it. • Wow! They’re playing a different song? • Hey, who’s this voice actor? He sounds familiar. • Well, that didn’t accomplish anything. • Oh, don’t get Anakin started on sand, Ahsoka. • Ah, maybe that scene wasn’t so pointless. • Oh. Uncle Hutt is helping Dooku. Now it makes sense. • How are you going to get out of this one, Padmé? • Hehe. I like Baby Hutt. • Ah. So 3PO now hangs around with Padmé the way R2 hangs around with Anakin. I find that interesting since 3PO later sticks with their daughter and R2 is closest to the son. • I knew it! He sent Ahsoka ahead with Baby Hutt. • R2, I think Ahsoka could use a little bit of help. • Oh, I was gonna say. I didn’t think 3PO would have come here on his own. • Doesn’t Anakin speak Huttnese? Why didn’t he react until after the translation? • Kinda ironic. Anakin helps save Jabba’s son, and Anakin’s daughter will eventually kill Jabba.

Revenge of the Sith notes-

• Huh. Another kidnapping plot • Kinda like how Obi-Wan has kept R4 as his signature Droid. • Um… you might want to keep it down, Obi-Wan. R2 is still in enemy territory. • Why is Anakin listening to him? The fact that he’s ordering the death of someone without a trial isn’t very befitting of someone who claims to be a fan of democracy • Again with the Tusken Raider sounds. • Why isn’t Palpatine’s attitude making Anakin suspicious? • Wilhelm Scream! • Well, that was a conveniently placed open door in the elevator shaft. • Where did this Grievous guy come from, anyway? They pretty much introduce him out of nowhere. • I just thought. Where did R4 go? Did I miss that? • Oh, I guess she was destroyed during that gunfight. Shame. • Didn’t Obi-Wan try to discourage Anakin from getting too chummy with the politicians? What changed his mind? • Okay, I don’t ship these two, but I admit. I can appreciate the situation they’ve found themselves in with this pregnancy • Ugh. This sappy dialogue. Gag. • So Padmé is planning to go in ‘vacation’ for a few months? • Wise words from Yoda. Shame he wasn’t there after Shmi died. • Again, why isn’t Anakin’s attitude about less democracy causing more concern? • Since when does Palpatine need to be represented on the Jedi Council? • Yeah, Anakin isn’t a Jedi Master. So why was he given a Padawan in the Clone Wars series? • Can we get that story? The one that shows how Yoda is on good relations with the Wookiees? • It’s treason to spy on the Chancellor? Well, wasn’t he basically asking you to spy on the Jedi Council? • Oh, he’s a good man, is he? Yeah, he only told you to kill Count Dooku in cold blood and then expected you to leave Obi-Wan to die. Yeah, he sounds LOVELY. • Oh, NOW you’ve considered the possibility that you misinterpreted the prophecy? • I like how Padmé is also having her doubts. Because the Republic has become more of a dictatorship than a democracy. • And no one is going to point out how that statement about being unable to let go of their power might apply to this guy? The one who stayed in office longer than he was supposed to? • That sounds horrible. Preventing people from dying. • Let me guess. You were that apprentice, weren’t you? • Ugh. The Wookiee roars. • Was that a Tarzan yell? • Does Obi-Wan know they’re secretly married? • Dracula alien? • Oh, I want one! I want the bird lizard! • Nice. Four lightsabers. • What was up with the camera zoom into the eyes? Never do that again, movie! • Okay, so Palpatine isn’t even pretending he hasn’t studied the Force anymore. • Oh. That was….a bit anti-climactic. • Okay, Anakin is doing the right thing here, reporting to Mace Windu. • Can they sense each other? Is that’s what they’re trying to convey? • Welp, RIP to those guys. • Aw. I liked Windu. Booo. • Awww. Yoda is sensing this. • Really hope Lizard Birdie survived that fall. He seemed so nice! • Yep. Yoda is really feeling it now! • Sorry, dude. Yoda doesn’t go down that easily. • Oh, hi Bail! Did Padmé send you? • Shame this kid didn’t make it. He had guts, taking them all on at once. • So Chewbacca was around even back then. I wonder what a Wookiee’s lifespan is. • Hey, don’t leave out the fact that the Chancellor is a Sith! • Great line from Padmé. • Yoda’s already checked the security footage, hasn’t he? • I really get the feeling Obi-Wan already knew they married in secret. • Oh, so NOW she’s hearing the things he’s saying. • YEAH! I love Yoda! He’s awesome! • Okay, this scene is pretty heartbreaking, I will admit. • So, how far along is Padmé supposed to be? If Padmé is visibly pregnant, did anyone ever wonder who the father was? • Yeek, Anakin is a stubborn one. Burned alive and he hasn’t died yet? • Hi, Luke and Leia. • Nice POV shot there. • RIP, Padmé. • Oh, NOW you care about Padmé? Didn’t seem that way when you were keeping her in a Force Chokehold • Okay, I get why they want to keep the twins hidden, but…. isn’t that kind of obvious, to send Baby Luke to his father’s stepbrother? Granted they only met once, but…..you’d think that would be an obvious place. • So R2 didn’t get his memory erased. Meaning he remembers ALL of this! • Awesome how they’re playing everyone’s theme songs over this sequence. • And I love this final shot. Great way to end it.

Rouge One notes-

• Planet! • A Saturn-like planet! • I can’t remember. Do they ever explain the significance of that crystal pendant? • Okay, I get that Lyra loves her husband and all, but why would she run out like that? It seemed like they had this whole escape plan worked out. Besides, she had a responsibility to be there for her child. • Well, I guess she figured this bloke would be there to step in, but still! • And now Jyn is in jail. For what, exactly? • Ring of Kafrene. This trading post place is on an asteroid, from the looks of it. How do they maintain a breathable atmosphere? • Kyber Crystals? • Well, that was kinda a jerk move. • This planet is called Jedha? Is the fact that it kinda sounds like Jedi relevant. Based on that fallen statue, was this the site of a sacred Jedi temple? • I wonder what these other guys’ stories are…? • Okay, so they came here specifically to get Jyn? How did they know she was there? • Hi, K2S0! • So this is Yaven 4, right? • Wow, they got a good replacement for Mon Motha. She looks just like the original actress! • Bail Organa! Why did they give you the Luke theme just now? • And was that the other Rebel leader? The one who briefs everyone before the battle of the First Death Star? • Hi, Tarkin. RIP, Peter Cushing. • Ah, so this is the site of an old Jedi temple? • Okay, but what do you plan to do when you find out that he’s not lying, dude? • Hey, those are the guys from Mos Eisley! Are they currently on their way to Tatooine? Considering what happens to this planet in a couple hours…. • So, what’s this guy’s story? I get he was once a guardian of the Jedi Temple, but….was he Force Sensitive but just didn’t have a Jedi to train him? Because I’m guessing he sees through the Force. • Where’d she learn to fight like that? • Nice fake out. • Seriously, you can’t tell me this guy isn’t Force Sensitive! • Really wish we learned out how these two guys met. • Haha! ‘Are you kidding me? I’m blind!’ I love the humor in this movie. • Okay, I get you were trying to keep her safe. But it was a jerk move that you went about it that way. You could have at least been honest about why you were sending her away. • So, according to this movie, the Death Star has a ‘volume’ button of sorts. • I’m guessing these six are the only people who made it out of the area alive? • I wonder. Did Yoda and Obi-Wan sense this event through the Force? • Ah, can’t do it, can you? • Dude! That was uncalled for! He just told you they had nothing to do with it! • How was this guy not initiated into the Jedi order? • This is actually pretty good social commentary on what war does to soldiers, and the dangers of following orders blindly. • Does Vader live on Mustafar now? You’d think he’d prefer to keep off this planet considering he believes this is where Padmé died. • Okay, I’m a bit confused. They want to keep the Death Star a secret. So how was it a good idea to destroy an entire planet roughly a week later? • Well, you’ve done a 180, Jyn. Just a short time ago, you were content to just live with your head in the sand. • Aw, Bail Organa. Wanting to contact Obi Wan again. Shame you had to remain on Alderaan. • Hehe. ‘Are we blind?!’ • Probably a weird thing to comment on, but why do only the Imperials have Mouse Droids? Why doesn’t the Rebellion have any? • Maybe because you’re a blabbermouth, 3PO? • Nice that their arc has been completed; her giving him the blaster. • Gotta say, Cassian. That was pretty stupid, calling him on the comlink at that precise moment. If he closed the door, don’t you think there might have been a good reason? • Hyperspace Tracking? Really? If they had eliminated that file when they did…. • Then again, there’s probably a copy on another planet. Considering this base will be destroyed in a few minutes….. • RIP, K2-SO. You were the best. • Same to you, Chirrut. • That thing was straight out of a video game! • Wow, that IS a cool move! • That’s one chilling image. • Kinda satisfying that this punk can see his death coming. • So, I’m a bit confused. Was Leia among the ships converging around Scarif? I thought she was supposed to go fetch Obi-Wan. Did she just decide to take a detour first?

A New Hope notes-

• This text crawl is even cooler now that we know the details of Rouge One. • Wait, this text says Leia is heading home. But wasn’t she going to Tatooine to fetch Obi-Wan? Though I realize George Lucas hadn’t ironed out the details yet. • Always wondered what the story was with that other Protocol Droid. The White 3PO. • How were they not hit while crossing the hallway? • Wasn’t R2 just with 3PO? How’d he manage to distance himself long enough to meet up with Leia? • Hey, they mentioned the mines on Kessel! • What kind of insult was that? What part of his statement warranted calling him a philosopher? • Pretty ballsy of Leia there, considering her ship just left Scarif. • Oh, shut up, 3PO. You haven’t even traveled that far. • Eh, forget about him, R2. You don’t need that whiny prissy pants. He’s useless. • Jawas! You know, I kinda wonder what they look like without those cloaks. • Well, that’s a convenient coincidence that they were both picked up by the same Jawas, despite going in different directions. • How does 3PO not know Leia? Is the restraining bolt altering his memory? • And how would you know that, Beru? Didn’t you only meet Anakin once in your life? • I never noticed how odd these scene transitions were. • What kind of a noise was that? • What? Since when did Anakin make any mention about wanting his son to have his old lightsaber? • So Palpatine has eliminated the Senate altogether? • Wait, he constructed it? I thought the credit to that went to Galen and Krennic? Who’s this clown? • Isn’t the Death Star already operational? • Yeah, so dangerous I won’t even bother going with you to assist you with my considerable powers. • Never quite understood what that orb thing was supposed to do. • I just thought. Why did Luke not know about the Force until Obi-Wan told him when practically everyone else had a conscious knowledge of it? Did his uncle purposely keep him in the dark? • So, what was this guy’s problem? And how did they get off Jedha before it went boom? • Corillia mention. Kinda cool how that ended up being Han’s home planet. • So the orb was a mind probe? • This scene seems pointless. Didn’t the Greedo scene cover all of this? Not to mention how Jabba is too small in comparison to how he looked in Return of the Jedi. • And it’s way too soon for Boba Fett to appear. • Didn’t they already buckle themselves in? Kinda silly that they unbuckled again to visit the cockpit. • Yeah…. Weren’t they supposed to keep the Death Star from being noticed? • I wonder if Obi-Wan sensed the destruction on Jedha and Scariff, too. • Isn’t the exact same way Chewbacca lost against Tobias? • Luke, you didn’t even hear about the Force until a few hours ago. • What was with that smile, Obi-Wan? Do you know something? • Heh. Vader starts gesturing AFTER he’s done talking. Bad dubbing work? • Interesting how everyone associated that statement with Han when everyone has said it. • Does Chewbacca know Obi-Wan was allies with Yoda? We did see him and Yoda were pals during the Clone Wars. • I want a mouse droid. • And Vader senses Obi-Wan’s presence. • How does Leia know Obi-Wan goes by Ben now? • Well, him and the Emperor….. Tarkin knows Palpatine can use the Force, too, right? • And Han just had to through in a loud yell as he jumped, didn’t he? • It’s just his imagination? Then what made that sound, genius? • I can’t believe that worked! Maybe it’s because of the whole Droid discrimination? • Huh. So those guys walking past in the background obviously have no peripheral vision. • Yeesh, Leia. Weren’t you on the Senate? I hope you didn’t insult all other non-humanoid species like that. • Wilhelm Scream! • So Luke just happens to have a tether cord on his belt? • Hey, who’s that other Astromech Droid? • This lightsaber battle is kinda boring when you remember their last battle had them surfing down a river of lava. • Does anyone else find it strange how Luke didn’t seem shocked by hearing Obi-Wan’s disembodied voice? • Heh. Gotta admire Leia’s decorum. She could have easily been all ‘oh, boo hoo, the guy you met yesterday died. It’s not as if your entire planet got blown up.’ • Big explosion for a one-man ship. • How on the world did you get all tangled up like that, 3PO? • Hey, don’t act like the Millennium Falcon can’t be tracked, Han. Enfrys Nest was able to track it, remember? • Didn’t you already know about the weak spot, Leia? Or are you still having doubts about Galen’s trustworthiness? • That was a pointless atmosphere shot. • Zebra Astromech Droid! • Kinda low-key disappointed we didn’t get a better idea of the friendship between Luke and this Biggs person. • Oh. Calling the fat guy Porkins. That was in poor taste. • Should have stayed on target. • Pride comes before a fall, Tarkin. • RIP, Biggs. We hadly knew thee. • I wonder when Vader starts to suspect that this might be his son….. • I wonder what made Han change his mind. Did he just decide he couldn’t ignore his conscience? • Did he just call her Carrie? • I wonder who loaned Luke that outfit, considering he only came here with the clothes on his back. • So why doesn’t Chewbacca get a metal, too? • And the movie tries to create tension by not revealing R2 is okay right away…..

Holiday Special notes-

• Pretty sure this opening text crawl was added in by Star Wars fans and wasn’t part of the original broadcast. • Jumping right into the action with Han and Chewbacca evading Star Destroyers. • This introduction segment makes it look like this is going to be a Star Wars-themed variety show. Well, if the shoe fits…. • I don’t remember most of these celebrities. • I want to know who decided against including subtitles in the scenes focusing on Chewbacca’s family. • Gotta say, it’s kinda hilarious. This is supposed to be a holiday. And they’re not letting the kid enjoy himself. • Wait. Do the Wookiees have garbage men on their planet? • Since when do they have cameras in the Star Wars universe that could enable them to have framed photographs? • Hey, the holographic chess board! • And the first pointless segment- Holographic acrobat parade. • And they’re giving the kid more chores. I thought it was a holiday on the Wookiee planet. Let the kid enjoy himself! • And Luke makes his cameo. • When did Luke meet these guys, anyway? And why does he have to do maintenance on his own ship? Doesn’t the Rebel Alliance have people for that? • Hey, if you’re not going to pay attention to R2’s warnings, you shouldn’t have asked him to keep an eye on the ship. • Well, that’s what you get for not listening to your Droid! • So….off-duty Imperials continue to wear their Imperial attire when they’re off the clock? • The Imperial guy couldn’t see right through that obviously coded message? • And they’re just recycling footage that never made it into the movie. • Okay, so are you going to stop forcing the kid to do chores? • Oh, no. We’re getting a cooking show now. • I wonder what the rates are for shipping Bantha meat to other planets. • Stir, whip, stir, whip, whip, whip, stir. WAAAAH! • How many arms does this cooking transgender lady have? • And back to Han and Chewbacca. • Now back to the Wookiees. • Why are you pronouncing Kashyyyk that way, guy? • Oh, it’s that merchant bloke. • Well, maybe they let you through because your ship wasn’t seen joining the attack against the Death Star. • Oh, goody! He got me something electrical that I have to put together myself! Exactly what every kid wants! • Oh, dear. This segment. • They were aware that kids would be watching this, right? I wonder how many parents went nuts and quickly changed the channel upon hearing what this woman was saying. • Is Grandpa Wookiee doing what I think he’s doing? • And she just starts singing. Well, I guess it’s better than the….alternative. They had to keep this Rated G, after all. • Oh, and we got Leia and 3PO. • How does everyone know Chewbacca’s family? • You can understand Chewbacca but not Mala? • Finally, 3PO is being useful! Too bad he couldn’t act as translator through the rest of the special • Even though I’ve just met you, old man, I trust you! • I notice they never really explain what Life Day is. • FAKE OUT! • Oh. The Nazi undertones are just seeping through the screen at this point. • And a Jefferson Starship music video. • And this is actually keeping the Imperials’ attention. • Well, then you’re a lousy general, guy. If you can’t always control your men…. • Wait. So you’re telling me someone makes animated cartoons about the members of the Rebel Alliance in this world? • Ah, a new planet. Pannah. • Is that the Purplesaurus Rex? • And Boba Fett • Who puts a sleeping virus on an amulet? And why were they after the amulet in the first place? • What, he can’t even watch his cartoons? • Well, this is convenient, that the Droids can intercept a transmission that’s being made miles away. • No, he’s not Vader’s right-hand man. He’s a bounty hunter. So Vader just hired him. • They have stuffed animals of Banthas in this universe? Wow. • Really? We get an instruction video now? • So this world has Droids and Androids? How come this is the only time we see an Android? • Maybe this is why. Androids keep malfunctioning and breaking down. • Ah, more recycled footage. • Is this really required viewing for all Imperials? • Hi, Bea Arthur. • Does this guy have a volcano in his head? • And he has six fingers. • Oh, this guy. Under normal circumstances, he’d be a bit of a jerk. He’s the guy who thinks the waitress/cashier/etc. is flirting with him by simply being friendly, as per her job’s requirements. • Is there really that much Rebel activity on Tatooine for them to impose a curfew on the whole planet? • Bea Arthur sings! • Oh. Volcano Head stayed! • Dang it, Kid! You can turn that thing off now! • Too late. • And he doesn’t immediately shoot the kid? • Ah, now Chewbacca and Han show up. • Wow, were Mama and Grandpa just standing around when Lumpy was being chased by the Stormtrooer? • Oh, this guy again. • What do you plan to do when they find the body? • What are they doing? • Now they’re in Snuggies? • Where are they? • Oh, no. It’s an entire Wookiee choir! • Wait, where did all of you guys come from!? • Han, didn’t you just go back to the Falcon? • Do the other Wookiees even know who these guys are? • Tree of Life? What are you….? • Oh. Carrie Fisher is singing. • Chewbacca looks dead! • And random footage from A New Hope, reminding us we could have been watching a better movie. • It’s still going? • Okay, Chewbaca. You and your family enjoy your invisible holiday dinner. • Finally! The end credits!

Empire Strikes Back notes-

• Yeah, the Yaven 4 base was probably compromised anyway, since Vader survived the battle. • Wait, why is Luke leading them now? Shouldn’t that be Leia’s job? • Ah, so Vader has figured out who Luke is, then? Wonder what tipped him off? Shame we couldn’t see his reaction to that. • Hmm. I wonder how Luke adjusted to being on this ice planet, considering he spent his entire life on a desert world. • Wow, Tauntan Creature. You couldn’t have warned him sooner? • I see you, movie, with you keep cutting to Leia so we can see her reaction to Han telling that other guy that he’s leaving. • Hehe. I wonder what all those other random people were thinking as they passed by. ‘Oh, boy, are those two at it again?’ • And when it comes to loyalty, Han gets top marks. • Well, that was convenient, that his lightsaber didn’t fall off before they reached the cave. • Didn’t Qui-Gon instruct you? Well, I guess Yoda technically instructed you, too, as he taught you about Force Ghosts. • Aw, it’s Rouge Two. *sniff* • So what earned this guy the prestige of being Rouge Two? • Ewwww. George Lucas did know about the twist involving these two by this point, didn’t he? If so, double ewwww. • Dang it, Chewbacca! Why’d you have to alert the Probe Droid to your presence? • What were you going to say, Luke? It looked like you were getting ready to say something. • So he can Force Choke Hold someone through a transmission. Wow, that’s actually impressive. • So it’s official now. R2 predominantly stays with Luke while 3PO is virtually claimed by Leia. Interesting how the twins claim the droid the parent of the same gender had. • How did the Falcon get this damaged in the first place? • Would have been nice if they were able to tell us what R2 was saying. Considering Basic uses a different alphabet. • I really do wonder if Han WAS secretly Force Sensitive . • Ah, our first hint of what Vader looks like without the helmet. • Yeah, you pretty much walked into that one, Leia. • Oh, and Tatooine wasn’t a strange place to find a Jedi Master? • So, obviously, Yoda knows who Luke is. Meaning he’s acting like this to get an idea of his true nature. But what about R2? Wouldn’t he be able to recognize Yoda? • Ah, unplanned L3 reference. • What was with that third hologram that fizzled out? Was the ship he was on that one that got hit? • Oh, was this how he figured it out? • Ah, Luke. You failed Yoda’s first test. • So….that means Mynocks were living in the Space Worm’s stomach? • Why are you taking the weapons? Yoda just told you that they weren’t needed. • So, obviously this was supposed to be symbolic of the fact that Luke could easily end up like Vader, but I wonder if it was also meant as deeper foreshadowing of who Vader really was…. • Hi, Boba Fett. • So, why exactly is Vader so interested in the Millennium Falcon? • Why does the Lightspeed feature still no work? • Dude, it was working!!! Why did you give up? • Seriously, Han is really proving how cleaver he is in this movie! • Ah, Boba Fett anticipated that maneuver. • So, have Han and Lando met since the events of Solo? • Yeah, another. That you didn’t bother to train at all. • I kinda like how we’re slowly but surely seeing Lando’s growing turmoil. A nice lead-up to his final turn to good. • I wonder. Does Vader recognize 3PO? • Hey! Someone actually installed railings! • Ice Cream Machine!!!! • So, was that a garbage chute? • What exactly is Luke hanging from? An anti-gravity device? • Well, he probably didn’t think you were ready to know, Luke. • Wonder how L3 feels about the Falcon being piloted by Lando again.

Return of the Jedi notes-

• The Empire really loves their Death Stars, don’t they? You’d think they would have decided to cut their losses. • Why no subtitles? • They really don’t tell 3PO anything, do they? • Oh, now they give us subtitles! • Wow, that scene was kinda dark. • Ugh, what is this song? What was wrong with the last one? Hasn’t Lucas heard that less is more? • Didn’t they say they were putting a restraining bolt on 3PO? • Hi, Lando! • So, with all the changes they made, they couldn’t make that effect look better? • How long were they waiting behind that curtain? • Yeah, how long has it been since the last movie? Luke’s strength in the Force seems to have gotten stronger. • I wonder. Does Jabba know he’s looking at the son of the Jedi who helped rescue his kidnapped son during the Clone Wars? • I wonder how long Lando was hiding out in this place. How many sacrifices to the Rancor has he seen? • Aw, I feel bad for the Rancor keeper. • Well, that was an unceremonious way for Boba to go out • Aw, I REALLY hope Max Rebo got off before that barge blew up! • How is his training now complete? Was he self-training between movies? • RIP, Yoda. • Oh, now he calls him Obi-Wan? After he repeatedly referred to him as Ben prior to this scene? • So why couldn’t they inform Luke of his sister before? I know they wanted to keep Leia’s identity a secret, but they could have mentioned a sister and introduced other potential candidates. • And Lando is a full-fledged Rebel, now? • Oh, Hi Mon Mothma! Where have you been hiding all this time? We’ve seen you helped found the Rebel Alliance with Bail Organa. So why are we only seeing her now? • So, what was with Han’s feeling? It’s not as if anything happens to the Millennium Falcon during the upcoming battle. • So Luke and Vader can sense each other’s presence, now? • This could be a good ride idea. Endor speeder bike tour! • And enter the Ewoks! • This is even cuter when you realize Wicket is roughly 6-years-old in Ewok years. • Of course you didn’t sense it, Emperor Palpatine. You underestimate the strength of family bonds. • What kind of animal was that? • Okay, I get the Ewoks have never seen a Droid before, but why do they think 3PO is a deity? • Hehe. Luke is so amused by this. • So, they plan on eating the guys, but Leia gets the guest of honor treatment? Odd. • I don’t get it. They think 3PO is a god, but they don’t listen when he tells them to release Luke, Han and Chewbacca? • Is 3PO giving a full recap of the last two movies? • How does Leia remember Padmé at all, considering she died when she and Luke were only a few minutes old? • Oh, you’ve always known, Leia? Then why were you kissing him in the last movie? • Well, would Padmé’s name hold meaning to you? • Bet that Ewok is having the time of his life! • Oh, Lando being clever and figuring it out! • Wow. That’s a lot of Imperials. • Really? They think it takes six troopers to capture one Droid? • And now that 3PO has served his purpose, he’s back to being useless and annoying • Ah, so Wedge is still around? Wonder why he didn’t play a bigger role in the movies other than one of the Rebel Pilots. • You’re telling me none of the retreating Imperials paid any mind to Luke dragging Vader along? • So, who repaired R2? • Ah, the new ending. • Okay, I’m totally okay with showing the other planets. But I do NOT LIKE this new ending music! Give me the Yub Nub song! • And get that Haden Christianson Anakin off my screen! Give me the original Sebastian Shaw Force Ghost!

Ewoks: Caravan of Courage notes-

• Oh, wow. The old logo for Lucasfilm! • And we have a narrator in this movie? • And there’s a troll. • Are those ponies? The Ewoks have Ponies, now? • With the narrator, this seems more like a nature documentary on Ewoks. • So this is Wicket’s family, then. He has a father, mother, two older brothers and a baby sibling. • They have goats, too? • Wait, the little girl is back at the ship? Then why couldn’t the parents find her before? • Haha. The Ewoks really don’t like male humans, do they? • Strange bonding scene between the girl and Wicket. • She just said she didn’t feel so good, Mace. I think it’s obvious she isn’t okay. • Ah, Ewok Slapstick. • Wait, so is this the Tree of Life they mentioned in the Holiday Special? • Mace, probably not a good idea to stick your hand into a strange hole in a tree on an unfamiliar planet. • Yep, that’s what you get! • And now we get a ferret? Why are all these Earth animals on Endor? • And now, Wicket is learning how to speak Basic? • Cindel, I know you’re a kid, but do the Ewoks look as if they have a starcruiser? • What do you mean, they’re just animals, Mace? This is the Star Wars universe. You must have seen other Alien species before. And the Ewoks are clearly sentient. • Was that a werewolf? • Mace, is it really smart to sneak out in the middle of the night? You know nothing about this moon, or what kind of nocturnal wildlife there is. • And now you’re building a fire? Wow, you’re dumb! • Finally! A strange Star Wars creature! Though the effects are laughable, compared to the Rancor. • And now the Ewoks are there? • So Lokrey the Shamin…can use magic? Magic exists in the Star Wars universe? Or is what they’re calling magic actually the Force? Can Ewoks be Force Sensitive? • The Giant Gorax, huh? • And the other Ewoks speak Basic now, too? How did they learn to speak Basic so well? • Okay, that was a nice moment. The Mama Ewok knowing her husband and sons are heading off on a journey they might not return from and reacting to it in an understandable way. • So we got Legendary Ewok Warriors, now? • So Deej and the two older brothers just get winged headdresses? What purpose would those serve? • Why do you think there’re stopping, Mace? They’re picking up their final band member. • Ah, a female Ewok. • So….what was this test supposed to do? The crystal turns into a lizard and then it’s a mouse? What did that mean? • And what’s the deal with this lake? How does it trap people below the surface? A little context would be nice, Narrator? • And we have a legion of Tinkerbells? • HAHA! I like that one Ewok. He just looks around at all the mayhem and decides to just go back to sleep. • So the fairy thing feeds on laughter? Is that what this supposed to convey? • That’s one powerful blaster to obliterate a rock. • Mace doesn’t recognize a spider web? • Okay, you destroyed the web. But how do you plan on getting back? • Did the spider survive the fall, or is this a different one? • So, two Ewoks weigh the same as a human? • Nice fake-out, movie. • Yeah, that’s right. You chopped down the spider web bridge. • So the Tinkerbell thing has a point in the movie. • Well, you got over your sorrow quickly, Mace. • Ah. So you’re all just going to Tarzan swing across the gorge? • Didn’t the rest of the Fairy Family get absorbed into the candle? • Ugh, what a sappy ending line from Mr. Narrator.

Battle for Endor notes-

• And we open on Cindel and Wicket • Hey, the principal from Breakfast Club! • And Wicket speaks fluent Basic now. • They have school in the Star Wars universe? • And we’re jumping right into the action. • She can turn into a crow? • She seems remarkably calm for someone whose mother and brother died. • Kid, your whole family is dead. I think it’s okay if you cry a little. • So the Ewoks are putting all their hope in Wicket and a 6-year-old? (I don’t know how old Wicket is in Ewok years, but I’m guessing he’s still a kid, too.) • And people say the Stormtroopers have horrible aim? • Um…. They’re not the least bit concerned by the pile of loose bones? • So you plan on catching the flying creature on a glider? • And they’re completely unharmed after crashing? At least have Cindel get some scrapes and abrasions. • And what is this guy supposed to be? • Cindel, you’re way too trusting. For all you know, this guy could be in league with the guys who killed your family. • Yes, this is a great idea. Go into someone’s house and immediately start snooping around. • Yeah, I get where this guy is coming from, but he’s not the least bit curious as to why this little kid is all alone? • Dude, they’re the ones who made the muffins! • Heh. He used reverse phycology just now, didn’t he? • Did I miss the part when they introduced that critter as Teek? • Well, we’re finally seeing Cindel experience some psychological scars. • So, I guess these guys don’t get how technology works and think it’s a magical talisman? • You can make a pie out of flowers? • Also, weren’t you going to go looking for where the Ewoks are being held? But instead, you go flower picking? • Noa, aren’t you the least bit concerned as to why they’re out in the woods without their parents? • Heh. Nice callback to the last movie. • And I guess Wicket has completely forgotten all about his family, and how they’re all probably being tortured and killed. • Okay, she can’t sing, but she’s only 6, so it’s okay. • And the Witch Lady found them? • Cindel’s the only one who hears the voice calling her name? • Oh. I hope that wasn’t a chamber pot. • Oh, now they hear the voice! • Again, Cindel is far too trusting. I know she’s a kid, but still. • Yeah, how do you explain technology to people who only know about magic? • What exactly was in that water? Alien Piranha? • Are they playing Sabbec? • Cindel! Don’t you know when to be quiet!? • Well, that was a clever stunt. • Heh. I see what you did there, movie. Nice continuity in hearing the guards crying out when he cut the rope. • Noa, I don’t think it’s your place to put Wicket in charge of the Ewoks. After all, his parents and brothers are probably there. • And the Ewoks now know how to use space cruiser guns? • Though I do like how the design of the gunner seats are similar to that of the Millennium Falcon. It finally feels like a Star Wars movie. • Ah. I guess that one is Deej. • Wow. Sword vs staff. • Though what is that head carving on Noa’s staff supposed to be? • Welp, that’s the end of that. • Oh, now Cindel is crying. She didn’t cry when her family were murdered, but she cries when she’s saying goodbye to Wicket? • So Teek lives with the Ewoks now?

The Force Awakens Notes-

• Yeah, that makes sense. Enough people looked at what the Empire did and said ‘yes, that was a brilliant idea!’ • Nice effect of the ship obscuring the planet there. • And there’s BB-8. • So, are we supposed to recognize this old man? • I almost commented on how this was the first time we saw blood in a Star Wars film, but I guess we kinda saw blood in A New Hope, when Obi Wan chopped off that guy’s arm. • So, what’s the story with this guy? I get the feeling he was an old friend of the family. Did he frequently have dinner with them? • I remember instantly liking this guy. It’s the first time we saw a Stormtrooper, or any member of the Empire, having a reaction to what they were doing. (Though the original Stormtroopers were all supposed to be clones of Jango Fett.) • So, was there a big battle on Jakku that we never knew about? Considering there are all these crashed Star Destroyers lying around. • Wow. That’s a really cool way to make food. • And an AT-AT Walker, too? What happened on this planet? • How do people understand the beeps and whistles? • Does Poe know who this guy really is? • I see you cleaned the blood off your helmet. • Think I heard a Wilhelm Scream! • So these guys were raised from infancy, I guess? Since they’ve only ever had numbers and not actual names. • I guess Luke’s name is even known throughout all of the First Order? • Were these the sinking sands that Rey was talking about? • I wonder how long he’s been walking through the desert. • Was there ever a headcount of how many applauded when the Millennium Falcon first appeared? • That was a risky maneuver! • Anger management, dude! • Also, I notice they mentioned the Falcon is a Corellian freighter. Not many people acknowledge that. • Hehe. The thumbs up from BB-8 • Hi, Han and Chewbacca! Long time, no see! • A Raptar? • Trillian Massacre? • Also, was there ever a book about how Han lost the Falcon? • Okay, cinematically, I get why these things didn’t eat Finn right away, but why didn’t he get eaten immediately like those other guys? • And they reveal who Kylo is in the middle of the film. • I think you impressed Han, Rey. • Heeee! The holographic chess board! • This looks like a nice planet to live on! • So he knows Finn isn’t really in the Resistance. • What do you mean, she’s an acquired taste? I loved Maz instantly! • Has nobody told this punk that Grandpa Anakin/Vader changed his mind and turned against the Dark Side? • So, what exactly triggers this vision of Rey’s? Is it the fact that Finn leaving is making her remember how she ended up on Jakku? • How did Maz find the lightsaber? Didn’t Luke lose it on Bespin? • They really love their Death Stars, don’t they? • Did Chewbacca ever use that thing before? • I think there was a book explaining the backstory between Finn and this other Stormtrooper. • Personally, I would have had the reveal that Poe survived be a bit more dramatic • So the Force can knock someone out now? • Ah, the Leia theme! • Oh, shut up, 3PO! • How long has it been since they saw each other? • Why were people apparently in an uproar over Leia not hugging Chewbacca? She just did! • Awww. I love the relationship between Poe and BB-8. • R2! • Who is this Snoke, anyway? • Bwaaahaahaa! Kylo’s actual face looks weird. This is the kind of face you’d think would be filled with acne. • I wonder what Rey’s Midichlorian count would be. • I LOVE THE STORMROOPERS’ REACTION!!!!! They’re like NOPE! • Hey, it’s Admiral Akbar! And is that Nien Nunb? • Heh. I kinda like how Han has become a believer in the Force. • Like that callback to A New Hope. • After all these years, they still use the same red alert sound? • When did Rey learn how to speak Wookiee? Is it just because of her heightened Force Sensitivity? • Okay, I know that one character is Carrie Fisher’s daughter. I wonder if she’ll play a larger role in Episode 9…. • Nice touch, showing Leia feeling Han’s death through the Force. • How exactly did they get ahead of them? • Interesting touch. When the two lightsabers touch, it turns purple. Nice attention to detail. • So now, the old Luke theme is Rey’s theme? • That’s cool, how she’s using the terrain in the fight. • Wait, why is the planet splitting apart again? • Oh, the fuel cells? Was that because of Chewbacca’s bombs? • So, what exactly triggered R2 to wake up? • Is that someone’s grave? Whose is it? • Hello, again, Luke!

The Last Jedi notes-

• The first time the Text Crawl is virtually pointless. Absolutely no time has passed since the last movie. • Heh. Is Poe just messing with him? Ah, yes he is. • Haha. Nice bit of humor with BB-8. • Okay, I get where Poe is coming from, but I think he’s letting his pride get the better of him here. • Yeah, they scored a victory, but at a cost. • Wow, that was an abrupt way to wake up from a coma. • Was nobody in the medical bay to stop Finn from walking around aimlessly? • Hahaha. • And the Porgs. • I just thought. What did Luke do with his ROTJ lightsaber? The one with the green blade? • Oh, is it inside the submerged X-Wing? • Did Luke not sense Han’s death? • Seriously, did no one tell this guy that Vader turned good in the end? • Well, if you didn’t want to be found, then who created the map? • Oh, is that where the blue milk comes from? These creatures? • That’s a big fish! • Is this the moment when Luke first realized Rey was Force Sensitive? • That’s a fair question, Luke. Your sister and everyone else deserves an explanation. • Admiral Akbar! • Well, they did foreshadow this in Rouge One. They had a file dedicated to Hyperspace Tracking in the Imperial database. • Oh, Leia and Kylo are sensing each other’s presence. • Mouse Droid! • Okay, this is an awkward scene, considering Carrie Fisher’s death. • Super Leia! • Haha! Chewbacca and the Porgs. • This is a nice reunion! • Love the callback! • So they killed Admiral Akbar off-screen? • I don’t like Holdo. • Okay, first time I saw this, I wondered if that bomber who sacrificed herself was Rose’s girlfriend or something. But they turned out to be sisters. • Hi, Maz. Bye Maz. • So they can communicate through the Force now? • I like the Caretaker Nuns. • Haha! Luke, you nerd! • So, this island has a similar area to that cave on Dagobah? • Oh, so that’s why he didn’t sense Han’s death, then? • That is a good question. • Oh! The rain crossed over! • Space horses! • Tragic backstory unlocked. • HAHAHA! • Luke does have a point. The Jedi Counsel overlooked quite a lot. • Wait, so this guy could open the cell door at any time? • I can’t be the only one who is reminded of Trico when I see these guys. • So you killed your father because he was holding you back? Is that what I’ve heard? • It’s like being in one of those mirrored elevators. • What is touching fingers supposed to do? • Yeesh. What a tangled web. • YODA! • Nice bit of wisdom from Yoda. • Wow, this movie is giving me whiplash. • Well, if they’d just TOLD HIM THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!! • Okay, who even was Snoke? • Well, that was anti-climactic. • Dawww. I want a crystal fox! • Awww, I love Poe and BB-8’s bond. • Millennium Falcon! • Does Chewbacca keep that Porg? • He just said that, dude! • Well, okay for you, girl. But now everyone’s gonna die! • Okay, that scene is kinda hard to watch, considering…. • Haha. That was cool! • Oh, NOW you figure that out! • Oh, they’re both sensing Luke dying? • Didn’t they already meet? • And there are the Jedi texts. • So now what?

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