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mewguca · 11 months

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I was thinking about how people should talk more about the parallels between hunter and moon

This is a rather self-indulgent piece...I find it very comforting to be able to express my emotions through a media I love like this...that's probably my favorite thing about art. Being able to express something...being able to connect emotionally with the viewer...is really nice

textless versions and a long rambling under the cut

Hunter is often viewed as a very strong and agile slugcat...they are the "hard mode" after all. Hunter probably has a lot of physical prowess. But, with the rot...they become weaker. At its worst, they struggle to do basic movements...until they eventually die. Of course, in my version of events...Hunter's rot is cured, but it still leaves lasting side-effects. Their scars go beyond simple battle wounds...there's a sort of pervasive sickliness throughout their whole body. Treatment helps, of course...but

You know how that is, right...? You have to keep getting treatments. You have to work for your recovery. And you have to work to prevent your body from getting weaker again...Or y'know, that's how it is if you've ever had any reoccurring or chronic health issues. It's...a struggle I feel like doesn't get expressed very often...so I wanted to express it through my version of Hunter.

Even though Moon isn't anywhere near as organic, I feel like she can relate to similar struggles. She used to be like a god...a powerful supercomputer who could do just about anything! But...she couldn't bring herself to do the one thing that'd preserve her own wellbeing. She delays and delays on forcing Pebbles to stop with her administrative powers until it is far too late...

Maybe she thought she could handle it. That everything would be fine if she just waited for Pebbles to understand...or waited for him to stop. If she just kept sending messages, eventually he would listen.

But he didn't. Things didn't get better. And by the time she finally took action against it, it was too late...her forced communications did nothing but make her brother furious with her...because she "ruined everything." She could only accept her imminent collapse...

When she woke up again, she had only a few neurons left to run on. Her umbilical was broken, her overseers were out of her control, and even the roof over her head was incomplete.

She couldn't do most of the things she used to. She could hardly move. She could hardly even think. She could barely remember who or what she used to be...and she didn't have great ability to remember the present, either.

It must have been really painful...but she keeps doing what she can anyways. She reads the pearls you bring her. She tells you about the items you bring. She gives you information as best as she can. She is kind and hospitable. She encourages you. She could be so bitter and depressed...so resentful and cruel...but she isn't. I'm sure she has plenty of bitterness and resentment, plenty of hopelessness and great sadness, plenty of suffering...

But when she sees the little slugcat, she's still kind to it. She is grateful for what she has. She is happy to see you. And she keeps on living.

She's so strong...she is a huge inspiration for me.

So, I think if anyone could relate to Hunter's struggle...Moon is probably the closest. I think people should talk about their relationship more...after all, Hunter is her "little savior." I think they would be wonderfully close. They could support each other in their struggles to keep living, even if their bodies fight against them. I also think their friendship is just cute! Great potential for angst, for fluff, for comfort...idk. everything, really. It would be wonderful for them to reunite when they're both in better shape...as creatives, we can make a versions of events where that happens. It's really wonderful to me...for a work of art to inspire others to create art because of it.

This game means a lot to me...and it means a lot to me that it resonates so much with other people as well. So, thank you...

#rain world #egg art #eggmoon creations #looks to the moon #rw hunter #angst #comfort #rambled eggs #eggmoon's rain world

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camille-lachenille · 1 month

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Was thinking about just how much characters in the Silm and LOTR deal with pain an injuries on a daily basis. It’s not always said plainly but they exist in the story, they live, they are important, and I wonder how much of them are inspired by Tolkien’s own experience of war injuries/illness. How many of his fellow soldiers came back home disfigured and disabled and were faced with disgust or contempt?

Sure, there’s the whole fairy-tale/mythic aspect of loosing a limb in your heroic quest to get the Magic Object, but what about Gwindor, who was captured by Morgoth and, when he finally managed to escape, was so changed by his sufferings that his beloved rejected him? Gwindor’s not a hero, he’s a simple soldier who suffered through war and captivity and became disabled because of that. How much pain did he live with daily even if it’s never said on the page?

And, still in the CoH, there’s Brandir the Lame. He was born disabled, couldn’t be a warrior, yet held a position of power until his people wanted action and scorned him. Brandir is a healer, a man of wisdom and lore; how much of it is because he tried to cure himself? To ease his pain but also try to "fix" himself in the eyes of his people and be the worthy leader he thought they wanted.

There is Sador ‘Labadal’ too, who chopped his foot off in an accident and is looked down for that by several character (not the least of them being Morwen).

These three characters are all disabled and looked upon with pity, contempt or outright disgust. They did not become disabled in the doing of great deeds, their stories aren’t heroic, and so their disability makes them worthless in the eyes of many.

If you take Maedhros, on the other hand (pun fully intended), he is seen as made greater by his disability. He suffered unthinkable torments and was freed at the price of his right hand, and did many great and terrible things after that. It is similar for Beren, who also lost his hand (arm chopping is not a love language!) but it always portrayed as a good and heroic character, because his disability is the direct result of him taking part in the great designs of the world rather than a banal accident.

And that’s only for the Silm characters, because we don’t want to forget about Frodo of the Nine Fingers, who bore the One Ring to the very fires of Mt Doom. Frodo who returned home sickly and traumatised, plagued with chronic pain, nightmares and a poor health and was only looked at down by the hobbits who did not take part in the quest if the ring. Frodo may be a hero for Men and Elves but he has little to no recognition in his homeland.

Another character I nearly forgot (shame on me!) is Celebrían, She was captured and tortured and despite her physical wounds healing she was never the same again, to the point she had to leave her family to seek healing elsewhere. I see this as a form of mental illness, probably depression and PTSD. And Celebrían is not thought as lesser because of her disability. She is seen as a tragic story, yes, but it’s better than most of the other disabled characters in the Silm.

Anyway, I don’t really know what my point is here, just that I noticed a pattern in the representation of disabled characters in Tolkien’s works, first of all that they exist at all, and second that how they are treated certainly reflects the views of society on disabled people during Tolkien’s lifetime. The way he writes disabled characters isn’t perfect, far from it, but they are here, and I, as a disabled reader, am immensely glad for their existence and I play in the gigantic sandbox of the Legendarium with these characters and others whom I imagine as disabled in any way.

#tolkien #the silmarillion #the lord of the rings #gwindor #brandir #sador #frodo baggins #celebrían #disabled characters #tolkien legendarium #half baked ramblings by a sleep deprived tolkien fan #tolkien meta

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transmutationisms · 9 months

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what do you think abt all those tough love posts on tumblr that are like "i know youre depressed but you HAVE to stop wallowing in bed all day and go outside and eat vegetables stop making yourself miserable" etc. like i dont think they're helpful and i find them really condescending but also worry that they have a point and i feel guil;ty whenever i go a couple days without leaving the house . i often feel like i need the time in bed but is that just the depression talking idk

nah i hate those posts lmao. i think this is another phenomenon where like, people on tumblr sometimes lose sight of what the actual mainstream position is on something outside of tumblr. like they see three or four blogs that are talking about how you can't just 'cure' depression or whatever else through willpower, and that strikes them as a dangerous message because it like, doesn't emphasise the importance of Getting Back To Work or whqtever. if you look on like any medical website or talk to any professional you'll actually 100% immediately be exposed to the exact same messaging as these posters are pushing, where you need to do a bunch of individual things to make yourself Better and if that doesn't work or you can't, well, you're not trying hard enough. like truly you don't need to make that post lol everyone already hears this messaging from everywhere else. it's also irritating because it invariably presumes it's talking to an able-bodied audience, which, lmao. not that like, able-bodied depressed people need to be hearing this either lmao. anyway my opinion is that people who are suffering don't generally want to be suffering and are usually doing what they can to alleviate it. and sometimes advice is solicited and helpful, but there's a world of difference between that and just condescending to people and acting like their misery is their own fault because they didn't eat 5 different coloured vegetables for breakfast this morning or whatever. like get some historical materialism in here please

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navstuffs · 10 months

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Creep

Pairing: Vendetta!Leon Kennedy x GN!Reader

Summary: "You are so fucking special. I wish I was special"'; because sometimes love isn't enough.

Warning Tags: MAJOR ANGST!!!, italics represent the past, suicide attempt!!, alcoholism, mention of a suicide note, hurt/no comfort, OPEN ENDING (you chose your own), depression, anxiety, reader needs love, LEON NEEDS LOVE!, leon self depreciates a lot.

Author's Notes: hiii! i had this idea in my head for a while, and the request helped it! this fic is heavily based on creep by radiohead and black by pearl jam and, i hope with all my soul i did justice. i hope you enjoy your reading!

taglist - @nexysworld | my leon's masterlist

As repetitive as one could say, Leon Kennedy is at the bar again. He sits by his usual stool closer to the corner, away from everyone; the one stool bartenders are used to seeing him mostly every Tuesday, Thursday, and sometimes Friday. He orders his regular: a cup of their most potent whiskey. Tonight on duty, Eric, an employee who likes to give special attention to pretty ladies, not rock bottom men like Leon who constantly seek comfort in the bottom of a cup.

Tonight things look different.

Leon looks more miserable than his usual self. An experienced bartender like Eric saw the signs since Leon got in: good bartenders are trained for that. It becomes more evident when Leon Kennedy places a ring before him as he savors his first cup. Eric didn't know Leon was married, not that he should be surprised. An attractive man like that wouldn't stay single for so long. Even if they looked like rock bottom.

"Problems in paradise?" Eric's curiosity speaks loud, or it could also be the fact no lady who looks remotely under thirty is at the bar right now.

Leon gives a sad smirk, the whiskey burning down his throat, bringing that sense of familiarity into his veins. Reaching the high he is searching for will take longer, especially tonight. Leon continues to spin the ring on his index finger as he answers, his eyes never lifting up.

"Yeap."

-x-

Accepting a date with you was Leon's first mistake. He really should have said no that rainy afternoon but couldn't(or didn't want to) due to the hope in your eyes, the rain falling around you making it even more ethereal than ever. For more than he didn't want to admit, Leon somewhat had a crush since the first time you two met. You were a scientist, someone who worked in the same line of the field as him, studying and helping in combat against Bioterrorism. You weren't just any scientist, though. No, you had been studying a cure for the new L-Virus for almost your whole academic career, making that your Ph.D. You were the maximum authority in the area, and if there was anyone who could help with the next outbreak and save humanity, that one would be you.

Leon knew you were just too perfect for him, but he still chose to continue anyway.

He continued after your first kiss, somewhat timid on both sides in front of your doorstep. And by the fourth date, when you invited Leon in, he should have said "no" and should have ended before it could hurt, but he chose to continue anyway. It took three months for you to move in. It was Leon's idea since your work schedule, you could barely see each other, so this would be easier anyway. He also had a bigger house. Your personal touches soon infiltrated his house, warming up his heart even more (he wasn't alone anymore, and it scared him) like the pictures of you two together on various occasions hanging on the walls and numerous, numerous paper works of studies splattered across the house. You were messy, messier than him, but you could always find yourself in the middle of your mess and his, not by organizing but by always finding what was being searched for.

It was one of the main reasons he admired you so much. Maybe you could be the light that he wanted.

And for a while, you were. Seeing you add the Kennedy to your last name filled Leon's heart with love, pride, and certainty that you were his. No one else's. And the first few years, as everyone says, were pure honeymoon bliss. For Leon, at least. Not that they weren't for you, they were, but you started noticing the minor signs as soon as you moved in: Leon never even drank that much during your dinner dates or even every single night. There was no reason to worry that much, he never got highly drunk, as the other alcoholic member of your family.

It was always "It is just to relax" or "Don't worry, it is not every day." He never got violent with you or hurt you, so it should be fine. Right?

-x-

Eric's eyes are attracted to the glass sound of Leon slamming against the bar. The ring is still on the table, and Leon doesn't seem wasted yet, but he never really does. Eric brings the bottle, his trained eyes scanning Leon when Creep by Radiohead starts playing in the bar. Leon seems to snicker, playing with his cup as Eric stands before him.

"You getting close to your limit. Are you driving?"

"Why? Is that your business?" Leon's words are coming out slurred, but he keeps his focus on Eric. Eric lifts his eyebrows as if that was the obvious answer. "I never caused an accident all my years coming here. Do I look like I am about to do something stupid now?"

Eric seems to ponder momentarily before turning the liquid on his cup. This would be Leon Kennedy's last cup, he thinks. Eric turns to leave and attend to other guests, but he stops in his tracks, looking at Leon as he says, louder than the music.

"We never know when any of you are about to do something stupid."

Leon watches as Eric leaves, an undisguisable expression on his face, his lips in a thin line, without replying back.

-x-

You could have blamed how intense your studies were for not noticing Leon's decline, but even someone with half a brain could have noticed at this point. The fact he tried to hide from you after he was hungover. Was it your fault for not realizing Leon drank so much or the choice to not see how much he did before marrying him? Or was it just your crazy schedule that didn't let you stay home to be a good partner? With all your study and knowledge, you didn't see your husband falling apart right in front of your eyes.

It didn't matter, anyway. Finding Leon in front of your house the Wednesday morning before you went to work, his passed-out form at the entrance told you everything you needed to know: Leon had once again not slept in bed.

"We have to talk," You texted him when you got to work. You were late that morning, having to help bring a semi-conscious inside the house and leave him in your bed. He never really answered your texts, not that you expected. He tried to avoid having any type of conversation about it, running away in any way he could find.

When you got home, he was sitting by the couch, at least clean, the beard growing. Leon was lucky, you thought as you sat in front of him, with his beard never growing too much with a few spiky hairs. His eyes never meet yours as you start speaking, explaining you were worried about him, that the amount of alcohol was just too much. You apologize for not realizing that before and Leon's lips do a "Tsk." It is not your responsibility, Leon knew it. He was responsible for his own actions and didn't need your apology. He actually didn't know exactly what he needed, except something to silence the big void inside him. It is not your purpose to be everything to him, and Leon acknowledges that now.

"We can find someone to help you, I am sure, Leon."

"I am fine." He wasn't. He knew. He knew you knew. You gulped, trying to touch his arm, but Leon flinched away, too sick with himself with the look you were giving him. Is it pity? Is it disgust? Love?

"You can't be serious." You whisper. Oh, it is disappointment, then.

"I am. I am fine, okay?" A lie "-you have no reason to worry about." Another lie "There is nothing to worry about." Liar, liar, liar!

You gulped, looking at your own hands, your brows furrowed. You opened your mouth, then closed it, biting your lips. You don't have to know, something rotten inside Leon voiced. You didn't have to know the nights he passed awake after you fell asleep, the thought he couldn't shut his head, the horrors, the pain, the fact his hand seemed to play with the handle of his gun when he was drinking, oh no, you did not deserve to know none of that. You had much more to worry about than with a depressed and useless bastard like him, like saving humanity.

You didn't give up, of course, after that conversation. You became much more attentive, realizing Leon skipped meals (idiot), Leon never slept through the nights (idiot IDIOT!), and Leon left you in the middle of the night to sit in the darkness to do only the universe knows what. Cry? Wish for something better? You started calling therapists, doctors, and anyone who could help and make appointments for Leon (he never went to any of those). You watched helplessly as your Leon deteriorated, the bag under his eyes worse and worse. Was he losing weight? You told him to get a vacation from the D.S.O, but who was going to protect the world? Fuck the world, you answer, fuck zombies, fuck viruses, you are my world!

No matter how further you tried to bring him out or how hard you tried to pull him up, Leon just fell further and further into the darkness. Leon, on the other hand, was just upset and angry he ever dragged you into this mess he was.

-x-

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life

I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky, but why

Why, why can't it be, oh can't it be mine?"

Damn good old Pearl Jam, Leon thinks. The bar is almost empty at this point, another employee cleaning around the table. Eric gives one final look at the clock: five minutes to close. He sighs, walking toward Leon.

"We will be closing soon, Leon. Time for you to go."

Eric thinks he will argue against it, but Leon gets up, throwing a good amount of cash in the bar. Eric grabs it and asks, a little anxious, already expecting a loud no.

"Do you want me to call a cab?"

Leon doesn't answer, leaving the bar. He isn't driving, actually, no, that would make him arrive home faster. He doesn't care what happens to him until he gets there: maybe for a twisted game of destiny, he gets hit by a car, someone drunker than he is right now. Leon wishes it is him that gets killed, not some innocent bystander. For more drunk than Leon Kennedy is, the memories from earlier night never left his head. Your face never entirely leaves his mind, actually, even when he is highly inebriated: he is doomed no matter what he does, doomed to remember, sleep and dream about you, like a damn high schooler thinking about her crush.

-x-

"What is this?"

Your voice is shaky as you find Leon working on his motorcycle. Leon didn't look up as he asked back.

"What?"

"This, Leon!" Your voice sounded like you had been holding back tears. You sat for a good ten minutes, wondering how to confront Leon about this and if you have reached your limit.

He saw the paper and recognized his handwriting. Leon gets up, cleaning his hands as you shake in front of him, and Leon knew because he has known you for so long, you are holding back your tears, your lips quivering. You look exactly the picture of the six-year-old you. Your big eyes crying because your dad took your favorite teddy bear from you, your arms pleading for the toy back in your mom's arms. The same eyes, Leon realized. He wanted to feel nothing, but it is impossible when the topic is you, so he broke even more.

"Is this...is this what I think it is?"

"No. It is an apology letter. Much different."

"In case of leaving me? In case you are found dead?"

"Both."

You snorted, rolling your eyes. You turned away, but then you turned back, and Leon deep down knew this was it. This was the moment he had been waiting for since you said you said you loved him. This was it, and it was his fault, not yours, and he hoped you knew it.

"We can find you help. Please, Leon."

You were begging, like all the other times. Leon looked down at the note, the I'm sorry I love you written in shaky hand. He still remembered that night.

It had been a terrible night couple of months in the marriage. You were sleeping beside him, eyes closed, a peaceful expression. He could have woken up and asked for help, but he didn't want to worry you. The pressure in his chest was too much for him to bear, and he couldn't bear the pain that he knew so well (his oldest friend), which pierced his soul and irradiated all over his body, especially his heart. Leon couldn't breathe. He gave you one good look, trying to engrave your image on his head because that was the last thing he wanted to envision before he was done.

When he was far away from you, he grabbed his gun first but then the paper. You deserved that much, at least, he knew that. He wrote those words and sat down there in complete darkness, the gun heavy in his hands as he read it repeatedly. Leon Kennedy was no hero. He places the gun on the table, reading his "I am sorry I love you". Images of you sleeping, you moaning his name, whispering, screaming, laughing, mixing with the ones of you finding him the next morning, you screaming, terrified, holding his body, trying to bring him back to life. Leon gave one good deep breath and another, opening his eyes.

He puts the gun back into the drawer. Then he got up and decided to live another day, joining your sleeping form in bed.

He broke away from that memory, smiling in your direction, a sad smile that told you everything you needed to know. He saw your shoulder drop, and you rapidly turned around and started sobbing, muffling with your hand. Leon didn't need to watch you pack your stuff, didn't run to your shared bedroom, asking for you to stay. He had no right. He simply dressed and went to the bar.

Not because he didn't want to fight for you. Leon Kennedy just wasn't worth it for you.

-x-

It is going home that Leon sheds his first tears. You haven't called him wondering where he is, messaged him, and it is better like that. Leon grabs his phone and types a message to see if you blocked him, but he doesn't send it. What right he had anyway? Leon continues walking home, one step after another.

It doesn't matter what he finds at home, Leon Kennedy is doomed anyway.

#leon kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy angst #leon kennedy fanfic #leon kennedy fanfics #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy imagines #THIS HURT ME SO MUCH #leon s kennedy

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jacksprostate · 4 months

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With every passing day I'm less convinced of the narrator's feelings about Marla being in any way romantic lol. Obvious disclaimer this is one of many interpretations that can be done of the book, if you like to interpret it that way good for you, I support all interpretations with textual evidence and there's obviously some that way — but anyway, like.

He has no joy about it lmao there is no happy delight.... You expect me to believe you are in love with her when your thought process is essentially "Tyler loves Marla which. I guess means I do? And well, I guess I don't want her to die in my bullshit. I like you enough to not want you to die because when Tyler abandoned both of us I stopped viewing you as as much of a threat to my rabid bond with Tyler"

Like. I do think he cares for Marla. Likes her. But I do not think he Likes her.

And to me it is interesting and depressing. Tyler is his power fantasy. This fantasy where he can access the power of being a man attracted to women — well, if his brain can manage to fuck women while deeply delusional, maybe he can manage it! It legitimately reads kind of like he thinks he's been cured of something. And there's so much reason for him to feel that way — most especially, we're treated to an in depth look at how deeply shameful he feels about things that in any way tie him to homosexuality. He has such a complex about AIDS, he covers a birthmark on his foot just in case seeing it would mean someone thinks he's gay and dying. Maybe it's my own experiences letting me read more into it but he is so deeply repressed it's sad man. Even your power fantasy can't escape it. But also, that in itself makes sense, too. Being attracted to women puts him on top of the hierarchy, frees him from subjugation and the deep literal closet he's in as a gay man. It's not exactly the same as being attracted to men as a woman, which, while resulting in avoiding homophobia, puts you at direct risk for misogynistic intrapersonal violence lol. So. Tyler is free, and he is not. Tyler does not have to worry about dying in people's eyes.

Anyway you have all that, you have the intense homoeroticism of fight club in general (elaborate rituals, etc), literally everything about how he talks about Tyler, and you have the fact that just like. Honestly!!!! Where is the joy!!! Obviously it is extenuating circumstances because of the whole deal but his narration distinctly sounds like someone who just like. Oh yeah that's my good friend... Marla... yeah I guess I like her. We hang out and she helped me shoot myself

I do think post canon they end up having some sort of weird sad sex thing but that shit is not working longterm. Plenty of people have said it before and better but both of them want Tyler instead. Which in itself is an interesting dynamic.

Depending on how much autonomy and personhood you allot Tyler, too, it's interesting. In the narrator's eyes, everything for Tyler ties back to Marla. The one thing he has that the narrator simply can't. In the narrator's eyes, he outright states Tyler formed to do what he couldn't (engage with her romantically). Of course you can interpret that as him being inhibited in some other way, but... idk man.

#fight club

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destieltropecollection · 1 year

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DESTIEL TROPE COLLECTION 2023 | DAY 12 | Love Confessions

You're Not My Secret | @blessyourhondahurley

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,006 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - High School, Dean Winchester Has Self-Esteem Issues, Castiel Makes the First Move, First Kiss, Making Out Summary: Dean thinks he's an irredeemable bad boy, but Cas knows better.

Repeat Until Death | @huggybearsunshine

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,218 Main Tags/Warnings: Depression, grief, loss, displaced anger, Dean uses his words Summary: 15x3 The Rupture but with a bit more honesty

Belonging | @pluckydean

Rating: General Word Count: 1,300 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-canon, Love Confessions, human!Castiel, disregards 15.19 and 15.20 Summary: It would've been easier if Dean had said what he wanted to say the moment Cas got back from the Empty. Now it feels like every passing minute is another minute too late, and the words are harder to reach.

Manually Disengage | @aaronthe8thdemon

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,192 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-Episode: s10e14 The Executioner's Song, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, First Kiss, Suffering Dean Winchester Summary: “My garrison was chosen to besiege Hell because of my disciplinary issues, Dean. You need to understand, Naomi and the intelligence division were exhausted by repeatedly reprogramming me over my fascination with and sympathy for humanity. It was a tactical choice.” “To get you outta the way?” “No.” A headshake. “Because they knew I would care enough about a human soul to do the job correctly. They were making strategic use of an unconventional asset. I was commended for it, actually. For raising you almost completely free of demonic taint and also for the meticulous restoration of your vessel. I wasn’t expecting that. I thought I’d be reprimanded for being too late and allowing the first seal to fall.” “Well, look what that got us,” Dean says bitterly. “A bunch’a near-misses for the world ending and now I’m gonna end up turning into a fucking demon anyway.”

A New Hive | @sunshine-zenith

Rating: General Word Count: 3,246 Main Tags/Warnings: Falling Angel Cas, References to Past Homelessness, Protective Dean Summary: Softly, Dean asks, “Well, what happens to her, now?” Castiel uses a small touch of his Grace to rejuvenate the bee so she’s no longer dehydrated or exhausted from her flight. The bee flicks her wings a couple times before taking off again. Castiel watches her, not quite jealous, but still filled with longing as he is reminded of his own wings, broken and flightless. He doesn’t look away as he replies, “There’s that community garden. Odds are, hers wasn’t the only colony in the area. If she’s lucky, she might be accepted into one of the other hives and find a new permanent home there.”

The Confession Constellation | @pointyearedelvishprincling

Rating: General Word Count: 3,735 Main Tags/Warnings: love confessions, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, just two dudes sitting under the stars, maybe they’ll kiss Summary: Something's up with Cas. It's been a long drive, and Dean is determined to get to the bottom of whatever he's done to piss off the angel. On a warm night on an empty road, they trade long-held secrets under the stars.

Downpour | @sunshine-zenith

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3,737 Main Tags/Warnings: Self worth issues, Falling Angel Cas, First Kiss, Salt ‘N Burn Hunt Summary: Its raining, its cold, and Dean just wants this salt and burn hunt to be over with. The ghost they're hunting gets the jump on him, but luckily, its Cas to the rescue. Cas, driving his car, illuminated by the rain, and swinging like a badass. The sight has Dean longing to kiss his Angel.

it's golden like daylight | @watchinghimrakeleaves

Rating: Mature Word Count: 3,884 Main Tags/Warnings: Season/Series 10, canon divergent, dean winchester bears the mark of cain, love confessions, first time Summary: While hunting for a cure for the Mark of Cain, Castiel finds release in the arms of strangers. Dean is less than pleased when he finds out.

A Novak Family Reunion | @destielsuperfan

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,453 Main Tags/Warnings: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Metatron (Supernatural), God | Chuck Shurley, Amara (Supernatural), Naomi (Supernatural), Gabriel (Supernatural), Lucifer (Supernatural), Hannah (Supernatural), Anna Milton, Bobby Singer, Ellen Harvelle, Jo Harvelle, Charlie Bradbury, Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Human, Dysfunctional Family, Supernatural (TV) Characters, Heartwarming, Found Familiy, Protective Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Openly Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Homophobic Language, Castiel's POV, God | Chuck Shurley is Castiel's Parent, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending Summary: When Castiel receives the upsetting invite from his brother, he has to chose whether or not to endure a painfully long Novak family dinner. Dean persuades him that it could be a good idea to attend given their "special announcement" Castiel has yet to share. Cas thinks he is crazy, it's not like Dean hasn't experienced a dysfunctional family dinner with him before!

i fold in half so easily | @autisticandroids

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4,806 Main Tags/Warnings: non-consensual voyeurism, hurt no comfort, grieving, cas & jack, dean saves cas from the empty, post-canon, destiel getting together Summary: A study in learned helplessness, set in the Men of Letters Bunker. Cas clings hard to what he has, and doesn't think about what he doesn't.

Stupid | @peanutbutterjelly-pie

Rating: General Word Count: 4,831 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe, Love Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mistaken Identity, First Kiss Summary: Since he forgot his phone at work Dean borrows Charlie's cell to send Cas a quick message. What follows turns his world upside down. (In which Cas thinks he's talking with Charlie and reveals way more about his true feelings than Dean is able to handle.)

Tell Me We're Real | @aaronthe8thdemon

Rating: Mature Word Count: 5,851 Main Tags/Warnings: Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Suicide Attempt, Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed Dean Winchester, Psychological Trauma, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: *You’re not real,* Dean thinks idly. *But that’s okay. I’ll still take it.* “I’m real, Dean,” Cas whispers, so quietly that Dean almost can’t hear him. These words are just for Dean. Sam’s not allowed to have them. “Jack rescued me. Now I’m here to rescue you. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Mine, Yours, and Ours | @huggybearsunshine

Rating: Mature Word Count: 5,982 Main Tags/Warnings: Castiel possessing Dean Winchester, consensual possession, angelic grace, hurt/comfort, accidental confession, sharing a body Summary: Castiel is badly hurt, and Dean has to make a difficult choice.

Smoky Mountain Angel | @notastupidbird

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 6,906 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, Estranged Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Dead John Winchester, Grief/Mourning, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Bottom Dean Winchester, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Barebacking, Rain Sex, Power Outage, First Kiss, First Time, Marriage Proposal, Love Confessions, POV Dean Winchester Summary: “Hey, uh,” Dean says, clearing his throat. “Thanks for coming up here with me, man. I know you never liked the guy, but ... when I heard you were in town, I....” Dean trails off, not sure where he was going with that thought. Cas looks over at him. “It’s no trouble,” he says. His voice is low and rough, but quiet and gentle in that way it always was before. It’s the same way that used to make Dean’s chest ache. “And I’m sorry for your loss.” - + - After his father’s death, Dean finds himself back in his hometown, once again boxed in by mountains and his own personal demons. When his childhood best friend Cas agrees to help Dean clean out John’s old cabin, the two of them are forced to reconcile old feelings after a thunderstorm leaves them trapped there overnight.

Saharaa | @deanabean

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 6,951 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Alternate Universe - Western, Drifter CastielHurt Dean Winchester, Starry nights, Campfires, Sunrises, Declarations Of Love, Discussion of feelings, Parent Dean Winchester, Emotionally Competent Dean Winchester, Forehead Touching, First Kiss, Happy Ending, Non-Linear Narrative Summary: The stars were bright as they were high, the fire was warming the air between them. Castiel doesn't know why or when did this "trip" of theirs first developed into a habit. He also doesn't remember how it went and grew itself into a fully fleshed sacred tradition. but it did, and he is nothing else is eternally grateful for that.

The Eastern Tower | @twinone1221

Rating: Mature Word Count: 10,370 Main Tags/Warnings: Dystopian AU, Canon Typical Violence, Chased through the woods, Headshot, Kill It With Fire, run for your life, broken arm, Tortured for information, Beheading Summary: In the post-apocalyptic town of Bunker Down there are four towers that must be guarded. Dean is 8 months into his two years of guard duty on the Eastern Tower, where nothing ever happens. Cas is a runner that uses the path connecting his town, New Haven, with the Eastern Tower of Bunker Down. As he’s running the path after the first snow of the season he realizes that something is following him. Will he reach safety in time?

The Tempest | @whichstiel

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 33,264 Main Tags/Warnings: Shakespeare, Verse, The Tempest, Canon divergent Summary: When Team Free Will learns that Bobby is in Heaven’s lockup, they mobilize to spring him out. Dean knows that nothing is ever easy, which is why he drags Castiel along for a last-night-on-Earth extravaganza just before the heist to free Bobby goes down. That evening shifts their relationship in new and unsettling ways, but there’s no time to explore it. They’ve got a mission. This tale, told half in prose and half in the style of a Shakespearean play, follows our players as they try to enact their rescue. The plan is simple: get in, get Bobby, get out again. When the rescue goes sideways, Dean, Sam, and Castiel find themselves trapped in a version of Shakespeare’s The Tempest - and the world is populated with some very familiar faces.

#destiel trope collection #destiel trope collection 2023 #destiel #fanfic #love confessions #day 12

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theroundbartable · 3 months

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Before I knew I was aro/ace, I was really desperate to get into a relationship. So, my then bff found me one.

That alone is weird af. But I agreed to date the guy, because I felt that I owed her, cause she went through all that trouble for us to meet. Spoiler: we dated for about a week.

The day after we "got together" he was already texting me that he loved me. My mind went: what? Is this how relationships work? People actually just get together and then fake it? Is this it? (Wdym this is a typical ace expecience?)

I took it as a red flag and broke up with him as soon as I could.

Later, my brother told me that this guy told him if I hadn't stopped being so awkward around him and do more than hold hands, he would have broken up with me anyway.

I was 14. The guy was 16. This. Was. weird.

I learned three things from this:

Wanting a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship will make you miserable and lonely. Dating someone will not cure your insecurities and depression. It will be a problem on top of a problem.

Secondly, trust your instincts. The texts he sent me were the red flag that made me question everything I believed to know about love. It was too much too soon.

Btw, I know that today, he's very into conspiracy theories and went to psych ward for some of his own problems. Not that the latter is a bad thing, I'm glad he got help. But as a 14 y/o I wouldn't have been able to handle it on top of my own trauma.

Third. When I showed people pictures of my then bf, they asked me why I even liked him. They said he weren't attractive or smth like that. And I noticed then, for the very first time, that I hadn't even considered that. I didn't care what he looked like. I've never cared how anyone looked like. And I couldn't determine whether what I saw was attractive or not.

It was an odd experience. And I'm glad I won't ever have to repeat it. I wanted to share this with you, in case you're going through smth similar.

Stay safe. Become your best self first before you start dating. Be yourself, so you're able to share your life. That way around, you're able to share happiness instead of grief. And break up with your partner if you don't feel safe. Regardless of what your orientation is, your safety and happiness matters.

Some of you may not even want a relationship, but if you do, be sure you could live your entire life alone without regrets. Then you may be ready for tax evasion.

#personal #aroace #aromantic #asexual #experience

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kirain · 4 months

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I love Gale so fucking much. Let me hug the man. I love his continual talking, because I struggle to talk. I love the fact that he figured out how to not bomb other people at cost to himself- I don’t know i would if I was gonna die anyway. I love the fact that the first thing he does when he goes to your camp is make you food.

Just some Gale love for your inbox.

Always happy to get some Gale love, and so is he! 😊

I do often wonder what life was like for him in that tower. Poor man was undoubtedly a mess, scrounging through every book and box, searching for a cure while consuming his most precious artefacts. Tara was his only company, but by his own admission he barely saw her because she constantly ventured out to find him items. He must've been so depressed and lonely, plagued with nightmares of death and hell and the fear of catching innocent people in the blast.

Yet despite this, he's somehow the most optimistic companion next to Karlach. You bring up a good point when it comes to his selflessness. Both of them are so happy to be around people again, and it's absolutely heart-wrenching because they don't know when it's going to end. I think that's why they're my favourite companions. Despite their trauma, despite the fact that they have every reason to be angry and distrustful, they remain genuinely good and positive people who take pride in helping others.

Karlach directs her rage towards her enemies, and Gale prefers a diplomatic approach. They don't like seeing people hurt. They don't blame the world for their misfortunes. Gale blames himself (and later Mystra) and Karlach blames Gortash, which is entirely justified. They could take it out on everyone they meet, but they don't, and that's more commendable than people think. It's not easy when you've been wronged the way they have.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #tara #karlach

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the-cornuthaum · 6 months

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Depression's a bitch. If you haven't experienced it for yourself - good. Keep it that way. If you have, you might be able to read the last story parts of Lone Trail and draw some measure of solace from them, the knowledge that whoever was writing it Got It.

There's more I have to say about this below but I don't want to be too much of a bother so let's see if I get this line break thing to work right.

Lone Trail is a strong event all around but it is without any doubt at its strongest when it grapples with the themes of isolation, loneliness and alienation that isn't (just) the simple absence of physical comfort from the presence of another human being.

It's this, the isolated alienation from everyone and everything around you that is core to many - not all, it never is the same for everyone - depressive expressions for people around the world. That constant feeling of being stuck behind a glass wall, able to see how things could be, how things should be, but not being able to actually get there.

This feeling, it often and easily leads to raging against a fate that is hard to see as anything but a crippling defect. It makes you wish you could feel nothing, rather than feel like that. To be a thing of clockwork, simple cause and effect.

In those moments, it is also altogether too easy to ask yourself "but what is life worth, then?" and in the depths of that depression not being able to come up an answer. It is an illness, depression, it is maladaptive.

When I read this, I was almost giddy. Someone McFucking Got It.

It is no less than my answer to struggle with chronic illnesses. That this is not just, that this is not fair, that this is not good, but that it simply *is*, and that my life experience is not inherently lessened or less worthy for it.

It is being able to put your faith in other people who offer a helping hand and trust their perception - of you, or your situation - over your own, no matter how improbable or implausible or even stupid their assessment is (or seems to be. Never forget: Depression is a chronic illness that severely and negatively warps your ability to self-assess.)

There is no grand fanfare for getting it right, either. There's no miracle cure. Life goes on, and we all age in real time.

But it answers the question of "what is life worth, then?". Living, existing, being, continuing on in the face of often very literal pain or metaphorical leaden weights on your heart and shoulders, it is in and of itself good enough. One might not like their life, but it is still worth living.

And I am glad to see that in Arknights, too. To see someone cut off from their culture, their former friends and their dreams, who is on the very literal threshold of giving in to their suicidal ideation, taking the plunge and putting their faith and trust in the assessment of someone else and manages to keep going and keep living.

(But also: "What is life worth, then?" is the wrong question, anyways. Worth is a construct that has no place put next to the full braid of experiences that go into making up a human life.)

#arknights #lone trail #muelsyse #life with chronic illness

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silent-raven13 · 9 months

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You Guys 2

(Part1)

Petie had been bringing his daughter May to Spider Society since Peter B. Parker (616B) brought his daughter Mayday. The two dads' let their daughters play together.

Peter: So is May an Omega? -starting off the conversation- Or do you guys wait for puberty?

Petie: Normally, each pup is different and they develop their pheromones around eight years old, but sometimes you give an educated guess. I think she's an Alpha. MJ's family are almost all Alphas. Since aunt May is an Alpha and my uncle Ben was a Beta... and my parents, my dad was an Omega and my mom was an Alpha.

Peter watches their daughters roll a ball back and forth: I thought Betas can't be with Alphas and Omegas

Petie: You can, you just can't have kids... or when you do try it -he rub his chin- I heard it hurts a lot and dangerous.

Peter: Yikes!

Petie: Yeah... Oh look there's Alpha Peter.

Peter: Great... where's that spray Mig got me. -He took out a spray of Alpha pheromones to balance the other Alpha's presence, and to keep call the Omega. Surprisingly enough, Petie is a tall dude, but being an Omega he tends to look small. Unlike Alpha Peter (Earth 2010B), that man is massive like Miguel's height 6"9' brute, with lean muscle. His hair Cocoa brunette shade with piercing golden brown eyes that are more intense, he's much thinner on the face like Peter B., but with more sharp edges to it. Not to mention very handsome, that's the golden ticket as a top tier Alpha.-

Alpha Peter or he prefers just Alpha grunts at the smell of fake pheromones: I figure Miguel would give you that crap. It doesn't work!

Petie sniffs the air having his Omega pheromones smelling sweet and calm instead of that soury anxious scent: I don't know, I feel calm. Its like cat nip!

Alpha scowls: It's disgusting! -he glares at Peter- stop using that.

Peter: Look, Miguel told me to use it when ya Alphas are around. Sometimes you guys don't know how to control it! Last time, Petie almost fainted and went to heat. And did you forget your scent is so strong that you practically made some Betas faint, too! -he sprays it in front of Alpha- So nah, not gonna happen.

Alpha gave a disgusted scowl look: As I recalled, Miguel put me on a stupid level 4 mission. I only do Level 7 and up!

Peter: We were short staff that day!

Mayday mimics her dad: Blah! Bah BA!

May copies her dad: Blahh. -the two giggles rolling their ball back and forth-

Petie: Look Alpha, sometimes you just gotta follow the rules! Besides, shouldn't you focus on having litters with your MJ.

Alpha frowns a bit: MJ passed away...

The two Peters looks down, this is how it is as Spiderman: I'm so sorry, Alpha. I didn't know.

Alpha: Its fine. She was a Beta anyway. I couldn't give her pups. -he ran his hand through his hair still looking handsome even when he's depressed-

Peter: Look, there's other fish in the sea. I'm sure you'll get with a nice girl or guy or both!

Petie: and None Binaries!

Alpha snorted: I'm done with love! I just wanted to see May and see how much my own pup would've looked like her. But, I don't think my pup would've have that hair color... maybe my hair. -he saw May's Auburn hair.-

Petie: Feel free to hold her. She's very lovable! Babies are always the cure!

Peter: No kiddin'! -he chuckles-

Pav and Miles walk along with each other with their container of their lunch. Burgers and fries this time they got themselves the Miguel's mask burger just to try it. Pav was the first one to noticed Alpha Peter and nudge Miles' side: Oh look, there's Alpha!

Miles: Ah, ow. You hit my rib. -he rubs his sides- and how do you know all these Spiderman, man?

Pav: I'm always friendly! You see him tho! Doesn't look anything like Peter, huh?

Miles' eyes gleamed at the Alpha: I'll say, he's very... fine. -he whispers lowly- not in a sexually way but you know he's very handsome. -hoping his boyfriend isn't around to hear him. Like he needs Hobie fighting with an Alpha-

Pav laughs: I know, right! It's like he's the cooler side of Noir but with roughness of Miguel.

Miles tilted his head: Huh? I can see that. I never seen Alpha around here.

Pav: He always works at night and level 8 and up missions. Anything lower and he thinks it's beneath him.

Miles: Shit, so he must be strong, huh?

Pav: Very strong. Why you think he always challenge Miguel?

Miles: But Miguel isn't an Alpha!

Pav: He may not be but he is strong and kind have the presence of one.

Miles: Make sense! -he opens his container to eat a fry- Miguel is a big guy too.

The two were aware Alpha was hearing them so he snapped: It's rude to talk about me when you're this close! -his arms crossed and scowling at the teenagers.-

The two froze at his golden brown eyes glaring at them: That's so cool. -they two murmured. How can a man be that fine?-

They walked over to say hello: Hello! Hey Petie and Peter! -Milese said-

Pav nodded: Hey! How's everything Petie? -he turns to find Mayday and May playing- Awe! Look at them and their tiny hats! -being the first one to go over the little girls to say hello- and they smell like peaches and milk!

Miles was left standing next to Alpha whose eyes on him: Heh, sorry about that. I'm Miles Morale-

Alpha cut him off: Miles Morales Earth 1610, an anomaly that proven Miguel wrong? Yeah, I know. I was one of the Spiderfolks that chased you down. -being rudely honest-

Petie winced: Alpha, Miles isn't an anomaly!

Alpha: It didn't matter. What's matter is our caused!

Miles felt like this was deja vu: Huh uh... -this is awkward- Well, I proven you wrong and all of Miguel's gang.

Alpha: That you did. Anyway, I know who are you. The question is... -he got to Miles' level staring into the kids eyes- Are you an Omega?

Miles's eyes widen: HUH?

Petie laughs: Told ya, he looks like one.

Peter chuckles: Hey, I got Beta!

Pav overheard and laughs: Hahaha, Miles, you're always an Omega! -the two girls crawling over Pav having to play with him-

Miles: I am not an Omega! -he pouts-

Alpha rub his chin: So your not part of the Omegaverse?

Miles: NO!

Petie: Careful, Alpha. Miles is taken...

Peter: and he's 18 years old. Don't want to report this to Miguel. That man is strict on grown ass people dating minors!

Petie: Oh yeah, I heard that happen... some Spiderman dated another Spiderperson, and one of them was sixteen?

Peter shudders being grossed out: Yup! Eck, Yeah, that's why Miguel put our age on our watches now! Man, I use to lie and say I was 22.

Petie arched his eyebrows: Peter... you do not look 22. -almost offended by the weak lie-

Peter: What? Yes, I do!

Petie: More like 42

Peter: Ahh, I see what you did there!

Alpha bluntly spoke: 18 is legal! In my world, 16 is legal for marriage. -his eyes still on Miles finding it hard to believe he's not an Omega-

Miles avoids looking as much with this fine ass Peter, kinda weird when your mentor is Peter too. But they are all so different. Alpha is more serious, more strict and got some edge to him: Um... huh, that's crazy, man. -he casually said-

Petie: I dunno, Alpha. My world is the same too and I never dated anyone in the teens... kinda weird even if they were eighTEEN or nineTEEN!

Peter: Really? I dated a nineteen year old but I was twenty one.

Petie: That's different. One year apart like that is fine, but as a grown man? -his soft eyes look over at Alpha Peter-

Alpha: I'm twenty eight for your information. -he took Miles' cheek to study his skin, this time he's hunched over to get on Miles' level- Are you sure your not an Omega?

Pav: He got a boyfriend!

Miles: What he said!

Alpha still staring, until a guitar block him and Miles' face. Golden-brown eyes looks up to find Hobie glaring at him: Oy? What are you doing, mate? -he roughly slap the Alpha's hand away from his Sunflower, then having his arm around Miles' shoulder- Huh?

Miles: He wanted to know if I was an Omega?

Alpha didn't like Hobie's attitude. Hell, it's as if the damn kid is trying to challenge him. He chuckles: I was curious that's all. -his golden eyes glaring back at Hobie-

Hobie scowls: Huh? Maybe you should find someone around your age, old man?

Petie and Peter quickly pulled the two apart seeing how they were doing a stare down. Alpha: Ha, cute. Maybe you should be more careful, and not lose that one. There's a lot of Alphas around here that would mistake him as an Omega. -he smirks widely- and he's not half bad looking too!

Petie: Alpha stop it! You're gonna make him mad! -using his scent to calm him down-

Hobie was about to shout back until Peter and Miles hold him back: Relax, man. Alpha was just looking. No harm done! he done it to me!

Miles hugs Hobie: Bae, it's fine!

Hobie turns around placing his hands on his boyfriend shoulders: For now on, you're gonna have to tell me where you're at, at all times, luv! I'll be damn if I let an Alpha take you!

Miles: huh! You can't be serious.

Hobie linked his watch to Miles: I am! -he hugs him-

Miles knew his boyfriend will do anything to protect him, but he's not Omega. He can fight. Sometimes Hobie forgets, Miles is a Spiderman!

#punkflower #flowerpunk #miles morales #hobie brown #spider verse #across the spider verse

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dyemelikeasunset · 6 months

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I used to feel really self-conscious about original projects, mainly bc art isn't my Big Thing In Life and I'm just a hobbyist. Nowadays I've been feeling better about my abilities to create stories, but sometimes I still feel discouraged since I need to focus on my non-art job to keep myself afloat. You've been such a huge inspiration for me to get out of the Self-doubt Hole. If I may ask: how do you personally find inspiration in the midst of a busy life? Additionally, how do you convince yourself to actually take the plunge and write that idea you've been so passionate about for so long?

Hi!! So this has been in my inbox for a while because I'm struggling to verbalize how exactly I found my emotional break. I don't think the journey looks the same to everyone, in fact I think it's more likely it will be vastly different. I have no idea if what changed for me will work for you, but I'll tell you anyway cause it's the only perspective I have

(under a readmore cause i'm verbose)

So I'll be honest, I don't think I properly convinced myself to take the plunge... I kind of just got sick of myself. Last year was honestly one of the lowest points of my life, I won't get into it, but a lot of bad things were happening and I was close to giving up many times. I felt cornered by depression and self doubt and constantly investing in other people's projects and investing in my jobs to give me a sense of creative satisfaction.

For a couple years, I had been poking at my personal project in the background and trying to work up the energy to make "It Was You & I & The Afterlife" my first comic series, but I didn't know what it would look like at all. I had a moment where I just took a break from writing this really serious story and playing with the characters. I found so much joy in what I thought was a "cheap escape" that something started shifting inside me. I'm the type of person that actually takes things a little too seriously most of the time, so letting loose and reveling in joy and comfort is a very big lesson I'm constantly relearning.

Letting "Dom & Mor" become its own entity was something I had never even considered, but I guess I let myself just like... play around? I call D&M "me just making my Barbies kiss" all the time, because that's how it feels. Like playtime? I had a very cold childhood so it's been very healing to be able to play. I'm actually throwing discipline to the wind because I've spent my entire life and career being disciplined and trying to do things "right." The skills I've built up to this point have definitely been helping me a lot, but I think the most important thing is that I've been experiencing the unadulterated joy of creation and it actually shook me out of my depression so hard that it's been startling. I mean, my depression isn't cured, not at all, but it was helped. Having fun is honestly a human need, and I think that's the core of how I started prioritizing myself again

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solena2 · 1 year

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thoughts/analysis of davepetasprite^2

My feelings on them are kind of mixed! On the one hand, I think they’re an incredibly interesting character with a ton of potential, especially in fanwork, but on the other hand they get barely any screentime in the comic proper and pretty much the only thing they manage to do before heading off on their suicide mission is tank any chance of Davesprite ever getting to complete his character arc in a satisfying way.

As far as canon goes, I think they were probably a poor choice to add in. They don’t get enough of an arc to justify sacrificing a character as interesting as Davesprite for them, and there are some seriously uncomfortable implications attached to their whole “I got fused with a catgirl and now my depression is cured” thing. I think they could have been great if they’d been given room to really explore those implications, but they only get a couple logs worth of characterization before collide, so it ends out pretty unsatisfying, at least on my end. The way it’s framed, it’s almost like they’re supposed to be the conclusion to Davesprite’s character arc, rather than being their own character, which is just… no. You don’t get to conclude a character’s arc by turning them into a different character, that doesn’t work. That’s the start of an arc, not the end of one. Not the last one, at least.

For fanwork, though, I love them. There’s so much about them that’s worth reading into, and they’re incredibly interesting if only because their existence has necessary and intriguing consequences for any setting they’re placed in.

They’ve got memories from two different people, without really being either of them. In Dave’s case, they were the spare already and they’ve got a fair bit of trauma about it, so becoming an even “faker” Dave is bound to have some kind of effect on them. In Nepeta’s case, they’re the only version of her left, and the fact that they can’t be her, even while she’s a huge part of them, is going to Do Things to their head.

I also think they’re lying to themself about not having depression anymore. Like, they know they’re probably going to permadie to Lord English when they head off to fight him and they do it anyway, despite literally no one asking them to. That is not the behavior of someone with a healthy attitude towards the inherent value of their own existence. I’d give even odds as to whether the constant cheer is consciously a front or if they’re repressing so hard even they don’t realize how not ok they are.

I’m genuinely surprised there isn’t more fic of them struggling with The Gender Thing. Like, they’ve got memories of being both a boy and a girl, and they decide to be neither upon entering existence? There are some implications there. Like, do Dave and Nepeta have repressed Gender Feelings? Was Davesprite an egg? Them immediately picking a new gender doesn’t necessarily indicate that at least one of their components was looking for an excuse to trans their gender, but it certainly indicates something. And honestly, that not being the case would have it’s own incredibly interesting implications. Like, is their gender an extension of their identity issues? It could be. I’d read that fic.

Speaking of identity issues… wow, am I right? They’ve got at least two different kinds of impostor syndrome, three years of getting called a fake version of themself on one end and three years spent as a ghost interacting with dozens of alternate universe versions of themself on the other, and that’s not even getting into the whole ultimate self thing.

Basically, I just… I love them. They’re wasted in canon but fandom is fully capable of realizing their potential in its stead and every time I find a fic that does it well I end up rereading it multiple times because they’re just such a delight when they’re written well. They’re also the only nonbinary character in the main body of Homestuck and I’m not about to lie and pretend that doesn’t give me a massive bias towards them.

#they’re my second favorite character after hal tbh #if you want some good fics with them in a major role i could rec a couple. they can be hard to find #sol speaks #sol answers #homestuck #davepeta #davepetasprite #davepetasprite^2 #homestuck analysis #original post

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chattichat · 23 hours

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I don’t understand why some people still insist on hating Abby so much. She step by step follows the same arch Joel does… all the reasons why we love Joels character is repeated with Abby’s. It makes me wonder if it’s just because he was such a beloved character and people are attached or that she’s a woman.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve loved Joel with my whole heart since I was 10 years old, and when I played part 2 for the first time I was distraught and really thought I hated Abby for what she did. Playing in her perspective, learning her story and why she did what she did, I came to love Abby as a character and understood her choices. So why can I, and so many others open up and accept her as what she is, an imperfect person who’s just been hurt… just like Joel, and some just refuse to?

Joel did so many awful things in his life, killed people, tortured them for information… it’s like a two edged sword and so much deeper then those people realize. Yes we love Joel, and there’s good reason for that, but can you simply deny the same characteristics in Abby because she killed him?

Joel killed Jerry without a second thought, he knew what he was doing. In that moment, instead of thinking about Ellies opinion, especially on her own life… he took her and lied to her FOR YEARS about what happened in that hospital. He could’ve demanded Jerry wake her up from the anesthesia and have him ask her for her consent before doing the surgery, it could’ve at least been a conversation especially because Jerry and Marlene didn’t exactly give Ellie that choice, which were flaws within their own characters, but Joel didn’t do that, instead, he did what he wanted to do, and that’s only one hypothetical I’ll give you on that subject.

Joel was selfish, just like Abby’s selfishness within her journey of revenge. Joel ignored anything Ellie had ever said or hinted at about how being the cure meant something to her, just as Abby was selfish after ignoring Owens reasonings not to go through with killing Joel and doing it anyway without really knowing of his life and loved ones, ultimately sending Tommy and Ellie after her and leading all of her friends to their deaths… including Mel’s and Owens baby. It’s a really amazing and depressing example of chain reaction. Joel saves Ellie, killing Jerry and sending Abby after him, Abby kills Joel sending Ellie after her. This triggers a bunch of devastating events due to one decision Joel makes, opening up doors to other decisions people are to make within that chain.

In a world with no order, no laws, and no real morality, is anyone truly good or bad? We see all of these characters brutality murder others but then go back to a somewhat normal life, taking care of their loved ones and helping strangers occasionally, (except for David and the Rattlers… they were straight up EVIL) but you get my point.

People say Abby and Ellie are so similar and in one or two ways they are, but with everything including the use of shivs, body movement, and the overall trope they share of taking in a orphaned kid that they eventually come to see as their own, id say that Joel and Abby are wayyy more similar then Abby and Ellie could ever be except for their age.

I just really love these games and want people to see Abby as they saw Joel, they’re parallel… and fighting over it makes no sense to me. I’ll end it there.

#the last of us #abby anderson #abby tlou #Joel = Abby #joel miller #joel the last of us #joel and ellie #the last of us part 2 #marlene tlou #jerry anderson #ellie williams #Abby Anderson apologist

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ghastlybin · 1 year

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Can I request an angsty DC 8th member fic. I just need to read more 8th member au's and I love angst

Word, thank you for the request!!! Your wish is my command <3 =)) By the way, anyone else reading this, PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS FIRST! I BEG YOU.

Pairing: Dreamcatcher + 8th member! GN reader.

Word count: 2k

Genre/contents: Dreamcatcher’s 8th member! AU, Angst, heavy topics.

TW: Depictions of depression and anxiety. Kinda heavyish on imposter syndrome, insecurites, not feeling good enough, etc. The Y/N struggles with mental health and imposter syndrome, for short.

Note: I think I suck at being happy but I did attempt a happy-ish ending but I also didn’t want to be like “hey, depression. Now y/n is cured!1!1” Because that’s not how it works, sadly. But I at least tried to imply baby steps to managing the readers mental health better in the future rather than hold it all in kinda? I hope? Also the dialogue at the end that isn’t spoken by the Y/N is up to your interpretation. Could be any member you feel would say it or even your bias. Up to you. Anyways, enough stalling, thank you again, ily, and I hope you enjoy despite the topics depicted. (I really don’t know how else to word that- I am so sorry but yk what I mean though I hope lmao) I ALSO DON’T MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE if I do :(( I tried not to be offensive here.

Ignore the fact that I couldn’t find a gif lol goodnight/morning/afternoon it is currently 5am so I’m gonna dip but ily!!

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, the idol life.

You worked hard for years and finally got to debut as the eighth member of Dreamcatcher, putting music out that you’ve worked years to be able to put out.

But this? The self-doubt, the imposter syndrome, your insecurities that are constantly being picked out and called out by critics and antis.

You were always in a constant battle with your own mind, each word playing on repeat as you began to pick yourself apart and wishing you worked just a little bit harder to be as perfect as your fellow members.

Every day, every comeback, every waking moment, you worked harder and harder to fit in with the girls.

No matter what you did, you still felt less than others.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

You were supposed to be happy, enthusiastic, and in love with music— And you were.

You were happy. Happy you got to debut. Happy you were in a group full of wonderful women who were by your side every step of the way.

You were enthusiastic. Enthusiastic about performing. Enthusiastic about always putting in the most effort you could manage.

Of course, you were in love with music. Making music, singing, performing, and even producing it.

With each comeback, you recieved so much love from fans, dreamcatcher, and even staff, treating everyone kindly and respectfully and hoping they didn’t face the same feelings you felt deep inside.

But even with so much support, you still felt alone.

The loneliness was as intense as a monster that wanted nothing more than to eat away at your soul day by day.

And you would’ve let it, the pain inside debilitating your will to stay strong day by day.

You would’ve allowed yourself to drown completely, had it not been for your members there to keep your head above water and your passion for making music— Which was very much still there and still stronger than any demon eating away at you.

Handong was the first to see through to your emotional pain. The existential dread of never being enough.

You were seated beside her at a restaurant during dinner with the girls after a successful show.

The shaking of your hands, your heart beating through your chest, each vein pulsating with each beat.

Did I mess up the show?

You remembered how your mind raced with questions that you know you’d never believe the answers to.

Did anyone cheer for me during my parts?

Handong could feel something was off about you. Maybe it was the way you smiled without any feeling behind it. Maybe you were shaking too much for it to just be post-performance adrenaline.

Whatever it was, she realized the pain you were in. How it wasn’t something you could slap a band-aid on and be done with.

She saw you cry that same night, the pent-up emotions you had kept hidden from your group.

You wanted to be like them. Perfect, cool, and an amazing performer. You wanted them to think you were perfect, cool, and just as amazing as they were.

Instead, you cried, wishing to wake up as the perfect idol.

You remembered how tight Handong held you, listening to your wordless cries for as long as you needed.

And it hurt more, with as much love and support you received, all it took was for one negative comment to twist your day upside down.

You hated the power that had over you. How it altered your mind for the worst.

And Handong held you tightly in her arms as you sobbed until you were numb and with no more tears left.

“How long has this been going on?”

Her voice was soothing to your ears. Words you never thought you’d hear.

Finally, you thought. Someone willing to listen.

And you told her everything. Every painful feeling and thought you had bottled inside of you for so long. You trust her, of course. And she trusts you, grateful that you felt safe enough to open up to her.

The wars you waged in your mind had come to a ceasefire, even if only temporarily.

Minji was the next of the girls to have noticed.

Only this time, you were on a walk together, enjoying the day off while the others had other plans.

It was at a time you felt the most at peace with yourself. You itched to practice and perfect your skills, but at the same time, it felt good to be able to unwind and not have to worry about anything eating you up.

Minji didn’t know certain questions caused you pain.

“What are your goals for this year?”

It was a simple question. Albeit, a question that took some thought, but was meant to be harmless. She was excited about the future of the group, being the leader.

But it gave you a nauseous chill that caused you to stop all movement, clenching your jaw in an attempt to stop the feeling from pouring out of you.

“What’s wrong?” Minji asked, shortly before you began to shake, becoming short of breath and lightheaded.

It wasn’t a spontaneous reaction that caused you to spiral. You did think about your answer.

I have to be perfect. I have to work harder. I can’t take a break or I will have to start all over again.

You were on your day off, alongside Minji.

I have to start all over again.

“Y/N? Talk to me, please. I want to help you.” Minji thought about her words, only then, did she realize the emotional pain you experienced that began to externalize physically.

I may never be good enough.

You yelped, holding your chest as your heart picked up at an unnatural speed.

I will never be good enough, will I?

You were hyperventilating, shaking violently, sweat collected on your palms, and the world around you spun out of control.

Am I dying?

Minji immediately cut the walk short and brought you to the dorms and out of the eye of the public.

At the dorm, after Minji consoled you out of your inconsolable state, you didn’t remember the walk back to the dorm. How Minji worried for you every step of the way, hoping— Praying that you wouldn’t hyperventilate yourself into passing out on the street.

Your eyes were red and puffy from crying, which you also had no recollection of. You were a swirling pit of your own negative thoughts.

Yoobin was the third to notice.

She noticed you had been more distant than usual the day after your most recent comeback. While the girls were celebrating and well prepared for the promotion period, you had distanced yourself, picturing the ridiculing comments already, even as an endless sea of encouraging and adoring comments poured in, you could only seem to focus on the few negative ones.

Though the positive outweighed the negative, it was still enough to drown you and that was all it took.

“I’m fine.” A common excuse used by people bottling their feelings to avoid those around them from worrying.

Nothing is wrong with me.

I am perfectly fine.

I am perfect.

I am far from fine.

It was crazy how the weather seemed to align with your feelings.

Clouds burst into droplets to downpours of rain when they got too full.

Crazy how accurate it was to how you would bottle your feelings up so full that they would burst at the seams when it got too much.

You were surrounded by the bottled-up feelings that the sky held. Each cloud representing a different fear, insecurity— Anything that ate away at you bit by bit.

The cold rain drenched you the longer you sat outside, letting it wash over you just enough to simulate drowning, but never enough to actually drown you.

“Hey! You’re going to catch a cold out here!” Yoobin had run toward you with an umbrella, holding it over you, blocking any more drops from touching you.

The thing was, you were already cold. Even inside the heated building, the icy numbness blankets you.

“Are you okay?” Yoobin asked. You both shared the umbrella, the rain pouring down. Only then, did she realize you were crying.

“When will it stop?” The question came out in a mutter that Yoobin had barely heard.

“The rain?” She asked with a shrug.

Only later, did she understand what you truly meant.

When Siyeon noticed your pain, she walked past the bathroom door in the dorm, hearing the sounds of your crying.

It worried her and she wondered why you were crying.

It was just a bad day and you wanted to be alone rather than cry in your room where any of the girls could walk in at any given moment.

Siyeon knocked on the door, unaware you intended to be left alone. Even then, you were crying and she cared about you.

She’d have knocked anyway, even if it meant getting snapped at.

But you didn’t snap at her, only ceasing your tears as you sat on the floor of the bathroom, wiping your tears.

“Are you crying? Is there someone I need to beat up for you?” Siyeon asked, acknowledging that the door was locked, and instead sat beside the door to speak to you.

You cracked a smile, small, yet enough to slightly ease the pain in your chest.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

But you weren’t. You were far from fine.

Why do I feel like this?

A question that may never be answered no matter how many answers it all pointed to.

“You don’t sound fine. Tell me about it. Was it someone? Or something?” Siyeon didn’t want to overstep your boundaries, but she knew something was off.

It wasn’t every day that you burst into tears inside the dorm’s bathroom.

When you didn’t answer— Lacking the words to sum up your feelings, Siyeon’s voice seeped through the door again.

“I will be here when you’re ready. Whether your reason for crying is tiny or catastrophic, if it’s something that makes you cry, it’s never silly if it’s hurting you, so please don’t feel silly.”

Siyeon sat on the other side of the door as you covered your mouth, begging yourself not to cry anymore.

Within a few minutes, you gathered the courage to open the door and talk to Siyeon, who listened and tried her best to reassure you.

Even though you were grateful and felt a lot better in the end, you still had a massive lump in your throat that would take a while to overcome.

You just worried that it would take an eternity.

It was one in the morning when Yoohyeon found you wide awake, yet exhausted at the same time, sitting on the steps outside.

At first, she thought you were crazy being outside this late at night, her reasoning for being up as well was originally to go and get a glass of water.

That’s when she noticed you outside through one of the windows, sitting and watching the stars in silence and alone with your thoughts.

It was something you had done relatively often, only this was the first time Yoohyeon caught you. She sat beside you, following your gaze toward the sky.

“You’re still awake?” You asked, never taking your eyes off the night sky.

“Got thirsty. What’s your excuse?” She yawned. You smiled, finally looking at her.

“I can’t sleep.”

“Hm… Do we snore too loud or-“ Yoohyeon meant it as a joke, but she stopped herself when she noticed the water accumulating in your eyes, yet hadn’t spilled out.

And thankfully for you, they never did.

“I haven’t been able to sleep for a while.” You confessed, a heavy, shaky breath leaving your lips. “It’s hard to sleep when my mind is constantly telling me to do better.”

Yoohyeon listened to every word you said, with sincerity and concern on her expression as you continued to pour your heart out.

It embarrassed you too, admitting to her how vulnerable you really were. You wanted to be strong.

Perfect. Cool. Amazing.

It hurt as your mind contradicted your wishes.

But she listened. She cared.

Yet, you still felt the pain all the same.

You continuously messed up the choreography, exhausted and shaking all over from hours of practicing one part of the dance for the group's comeback.

You previously got it right, every step. But today was different and you weren’t sure why when you had done it perfectly just the day before.

It frustrated you have perfection seemed to come and go whenever it saw fit. It frustrated you how perfection lead you on, only to sink you deeper into the hole you felt stuck in.

Bora and Gahyeon stuck behind with you long after the other girls had left to take care of other obligations or simply just to return to the dorms.

Both girls remaining had opted to help you out, Bora spotting the steps you continuously missed or botched altogether, and took it slower, step by step as Gahyeon offered tips here and there— Which you took heed of, but for some reason, you just could not get the steps right.

How am I going to be perfect if I can’t get this down?

The thoughts came racing back again.

Gahyeon noticed your frustrations with yourself tearing away at you.

Then Bora noticed too when you stumbled backward and fell to the ground from the mental and physical exhaustion.

“Woah! Let’s take a break… Maybe pick up again tomorrow, what do you say?” Bora kneeled beside you, glancing at Gahyeon, who rushed to bring you a water bottle.

“Yes. We can go eat and call it a day.” Gahyeon agreed as you shakily held the bottle, drinking the refreshing water.

“I can’t. I’m not good enough for this.” You gripped the bottle as water sloshed out. On top of that, your voice cracked as the lump in your throat attempted to block your voice from leaving your throat.

“Where is this coming from? You are good enough. You’re more than enough!” Bora frowned, concerned.

Gahyeon took the liberty to hold your hand as you began to cry.

“I’m trying, I promise!” Your cries turned into sobs, the bottled-up emotions spilling out again since the previous time.

Over and over again, like a cloud, filling up until it bursts.

“I know you are. You’ve worked hard enough already. Let’s call it a night. Me, you, and Gahyeon- maybe the others if they are free- All of us go out to eat. You’ve more than earned it.” Bora attempted to soothe you as Gahyeon continued to hold onto your hand.

“And if you want, you can vent to me. I will listen.” Bora spoke with such sincerity that you cried harder.

“Me too. Whatever you need, I— We got you covered.” Gahyeon inputs, caressing the back of your hand with her thumb.

Putting your feelings into words was hard. You never knew where to start and sometimes it got jumbled, lost in translation, and incomprehensible.

And still, you tried. A weight simultaneously lifting off your shoulder while also weighing you down more.

The support you had received around you opened your eyes more and the loneliness you felt inside felt like an odd thing to feel, knowing you were surrounded by people who loved and cared for you.

You were anxious. It was the day of the comeback and you had listened to Bora and Gahyeon about picking back up the next day.

When the next day came, you were able to do the choreography again without any mistakes. Day after day, each practice before the promotion period, you nailed the dance flawlessly as a group and individually.

Your hands shook and your heart raced. All of this time chasing perfection, you weren’t sure why you hadn’t reached it yet.

“We’re next!” Gahyeon excitedly announced backstage as the group before you started to finish up their stage.

You took a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves, fearing you would mess up or that your nerves would show through.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“I’m fine… Thank you.”

A common excuse, but you actually began to mean it, even if slightly.

And you were fine. Every doubt you had, every worry, every thought, they were internal. No one else thought you were as flawed as you thought.

Nothing was wrong with you. You were perfect. You had a ton of support and love from family, friends, and fans who —In their eyes— Saw you as perfect.

You were just fine. You were cool. You were amazing.

You weren’t perfect.

You were perfectly imperfect. Everyone was.

And that was okay.

Even in the hole you felt stuck in, pulling yourself out seemed like an actual possibility with the support system you had discovered that had been there all along, patiently by your side until you see yourself the way those around you did.

“Remember, you’ll do just fine. You always have.”

“Thank you. I won’t fail you!” You replied, adjusting your in-ear.

The girls fondly smiled at you, feeling a sense of pride toward you.

“You never have.”

You were cool, amazing, and your own kind of perfect, even if it will take some time for you to accept.

#dreamcatcher x reader #dreamcatcher imagines #dreamcatcher au #dreamcatcher #dreamcatcher fics #dreamcatcher jiu #dreamcatcher sua #dreamcatcher handong #dreamcatcher siyeon #dreamcatcher yoohyeon #dreamcatcher dami #dreamcatcher gahyeon

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