#anyway please interact w this it would rlly mean a lot to me! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

motifenjoyer · 8 days

Text

akane kurashiki is (not) allocishet: an analysis

[pt: akane kurashiki is (not) allocishet: an analysis. end pt].

okay so we’ve been meaning to write this for a while but havent bc we’ve been focusing on other projects. slight disclaimer if u dont agree w this hc thats fine, just dont be a dick just bc it interferes w ur own interpretation . we all have our own ways of reading the text so. Yeah!! lets get started

so i just wanna say akane is a character i resonate with in a lot of ways, and a lot of what im going to say comes from my and others’ experiences. ur identities and experiences r def gonna affect how u view a piece of work right?

so when i played through the series in 2023, i initially viewed akane as everyone else did: she’s in love with junpei, and even hced her as bi like most of the fandom. but the more i studied the source material, the more i felt thats not rlly the case?? esp after ztd, like im sorry but i cannot buy the idea that both junpei or akane wanna marry each other. junpei is for another day but in terms of akane i wanna talk abt the idea that she may be aromantic.

immersing myself in the fandom, a lot of ppl’s first impressions of akane’s june persona is that she was initially gonna be this ditzy girl next door who only serves as a love interest for junpei. ofc that ended up not being the case, but i see ppl say that they only rlly cared for akane after finding out she’s zero. which imo is such a missed opportunity for analysis.

as june, akane interacts with the world through tropes. the first thing she does when we’re introduced to her is fall on junpei. and overall is seen as this nervous girl who wouldn’t harm anyone. she flirts w junpei throughout the game, yadda yadda yadda. when it comes to her identity as zero, she desperately wants a perfect ending where she can be with junpei. its guesswork as to which aspects are true of akane, but i personally see these traits as smth she thinks “kanny” would do.

[id: screenshot from 999’s script, black text on a white background that reads:

“Junpei: Well, I dunno. Anything. I mean, you're hiding it. How would I know?

June: You mean, like...the number of men I've dated?

Junpei's heart stumbled over itself.

June: Do you want to know?

He had to admit, he was a little curious.

June: Don't worry.

She smiled at him.

June: Only 18...

June: ...Times 0.

June: Yeah... I guess I just haven't met Mr. Right yet…”

“Number of men” is highlighted in green. End id].

of course, bc of her tumultuous childhood and how she didn’t have many friends, she never rlly had experience w dating. but not much suggests she would beyond her own words.

[id: screenshot from 999’s script, black text on a white background that reads:

“Kanny: You...meant a lot to me...when we were kids...

Kanny: I've liked you...for a long time, Junpei... A really...long...time..”

“Liked” is highlighted in green. End id].

[id: screenshot from 999’s script, black text on a white background that reads:

“"Okay..."

My voice shook as I answered.

It was hot in the room. It felt like my heart was on fire.

6 minutes or not, my heart burned with my feelings for him.

…”

“burned” is highlighted in green. End id].

but actions speak louder than words, and she doesn’t go far beyond flirting and declarations of love. in ztd, she doesn’t even make these advances even when she’s trying to lighten the mood or make things right with junpei. the only time being when she speaks with carlos in the pantry.

[id: a log of dialogue from zero time dilemma which reads:

akane: if it was because of me somehow… then this time i need to rush to his aid. that’s what i’ve decided anyway.

carlos: you really like junpei, don’t you?

akane: wh-what in the world are you saying, carlos?!

carlos: i’m out of my depth when it comes to romance.

end id].

[id: a log of dialogue from zero time dilemma which reads:

carlos: did you bake heart-shaped cookies full of love for your darling junpei?

akane: oh carlos… would you please stop teasing me…

june is meant to be seen as the ideal japanese woman, and since performance/identity is a huge part of her character, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that she’s performing heterosexuality/amatonormativity, by extension femininity (but that’s an analysis for another day).

akane is also slotted into the role of a mother figure for kyle just as sigma with the role of father. i can’t help but think of the scene in little shop of horrors (1986), audrey sings abt a stable and “ideal” middle class life. i remember watching it thinking it was odd, given that im aro and am not interested in settling down or emulating cishet middle class values. but my friend, who is poor just like audrey and akane, told me that it’s a common occurrence for poor ppl to think this way. to want a sense of stability even if it’s stereotypical. i feel like this applies to akane as well. i also hc her with bpd, and instability is a common symptom for us, so it makes sense for her to see junpei as a beacon of such, of normalcy. he’s rlly the only normal part of her childhood. she wants him to fix her lol .

youtube

[id: screenshot from virtue’s last reward which reads:

“i pleaded with her to leave, but she quietly shook her head. there was someone very special to her, she told me. he had saved her life once, and she felt her death would help to repay that favor.” end id].

and while we do see oldkane/vlrkane reminisce abt her life w junpei thru kyle, the passcode being jumpydolls, i feel like thats less abt love and more abt the fact that shes lonely, which a lot of ppl mistake that like. love can fix that.. when it rlly cant. not to mention what i said earlier

akane and junpei rarely make physical contact beyond junpei holding her in his arms and hugging. you can of course be a couple and not be that physically affectionate, but junpei is the only one initiating this. also like?? not even an “i love you” when you haven’t seen each other in nine years???????

[id: cg from nine hours nine persons nine doors. junpei holds akane’s shoulder with a worried expression. Akane has her eyes closed. End id].

[id: screenshot of zero time dilemma. junpei hugs akane near the basketball court in the lounge. akane wears a wedding ring on her right hand. end id].

[id: screenshot from zero time dilemma. junpei holds a ring in his right hand. white text on the bottom reads, “well, remember back in elementary school your dream was to wear a ring?” end id].

this is actually a common experience for aros who dont realize aromanticism is even an option. i remember when i was a kid, i’d have daydreams of getting married and dating ppl but when the opportunity actually came, i was uncomfortable and rejected it.

i feel like junpei’s proposal and akane’s acceptance were reckless of both of them, and probably not even signs of true feelings. junpei’s arc is abt regaining agency, and akane’s is abt control (hashtag cinematic parallels), so it makes sense this would happen. both wish they could return to their childhoods, hence their emotionally immature attitudes + tendency to reminisce abt the past (junpei is counterphobic to this though and eventually gets over it in vlr’s timeline, though akane continues to act this way going forward). poor decision making is a sign of trauma after all.

i mentioned how akane (and junpei but again. Another story for another day) subverts gendered expectations w her personality. aro ppl (as well as lesbians if u wanna go for a lesbian akane reading) tend to feel disconnected from their agab bc yk we arent straight and like a cishet woman liking a man is a sign of womanhood according to Society............ so like what if ur a girl who likes girls? or doesnt like anyone??? what does that make u??? (again, this could either be a trans reading or a lesbian reading)

anyway my point is. i think its more interesting to read akane’s interest in junpei as her wanting stability and a normal life, esp given that she is traumatized and was once poor. i feel like fluffy junepei fanworks make their dynamic very one-note and lack what makes their dynamic intriguing. but hey!! thats just my opinion as an aro person and how i prefer to interpret it

#zero escape #999 spoilers #vlr spoilers #ztd spoilers #akane kurashiki #junpei tenmyouji #analysis tag #image described #Youtube

5 notes · View notes

evergreenreviews · 5 years

Text

Khalid @ SSE Hydro, Glasgow, 20/09/19

I made a spontaneous decision earlier this week to go to this show, having previously thought that it was sold out. Frankly, I spent way more than I should have on the ticket but it was definitely worth it. Up first was RAYE. I wasn’t familiar with any of her music, apart from her last song ‘You Don’t Know Me’, which was pretty popular last year, if I remember correctly. I was really impressed with her performance though. She had a really great energy and presence and interacted well with the crowd, and her live vocals were incredible. Overall, she was a fantastic start to the night.

Mabel was next on the bill, and honestly I found her set a little disappointing. I don’t really know any of her songs that well either, but I really enjoyed them and she’s clearly a very talented singer. However, I thought she was a bit boring to watch. She had a group of dancers on stage with her which helped a bit, but unfortunately I found myself watching them more than her. I felt like she warmed up a bit as she got further into the set, but as she only played 6 or 7 songs, there wasn’t enough time for her to get properly into the groove.

I have slightly mixed feelings about Khalid’s set. I really love his music and I’ve been a fan of his for a couple of years now, and I had a really great time during his set, but I kind of felt like some of his songs didn’t really translate that well into a live setting. Obviously he’s got quite a lot of slower, more ballad-y songs, which isn’t what I’m used to seeing at shows, and for me some of them fell a little flat. There was a moment in the middle of his set where he played several of these slow songs back to back, which I felt impacted the pace and the energy of the set quite a bit. He played an absolute monster set of 31 songs (including a couple of spoken word interludes and cut down collaborations), which came to almost 2 hours, and I thought that it would have been more effective if he’d spaced out his slower songs a little more. That being said though, he’s a great performer. His live vocals are phenomenal and he’s a lot of fun to watch, because he looks like he’s having fun. He managed to keep the crowd’s energy up through the whole set, especially during his more upbeat tracks, which were just a blast. I loved the graphics he had on the screen, which were all really well designed and definitely helped keep focus during the down moments of the show, and his dancers were all great as well. All in all, I really enjoyed Khalid’s set, even if I felt it had it’s flaws, and I would 100% recommend checking out his live show if you have the opportunity.

#khalid #mabel #raye #sse hydro #glasgow hydro #concert review #idk if this is good or not but I also dont care #it was honestly a really good night I had so much fun!!!!#also sorry that photo sucks sjdfksjfh its the best one I got theyre all horrible #anyway please interact w this it would rlly mean a lot to me!#and stan khalid!

1 note · View note

kzuhadovey · 3 years

Note

omg please i beg of you a part 2 of I Love You w Atsumu the amount of times I read it because it was so heart breaking yet just the right amount of yearning of that makes sense. I absolutely loved it 😍

I’m stupid for loving you... aren’t I?

character: miya atsumu x reader

type: angst??? fluff???

warnings: -

song rec: mr loverman - ricky montgomery

click this to read part 1!!

ahhh hello anon!! this is my first ever request, i’m so excited!! this took rlly long for some reason, i’m so scared to disappoint yall with this 😭😭 well here you go, a part 2 to i love you :)

You were doing fairly great after the incident. Life was peaceful, your grades were skyrocketing, you quit the volleyball team and chose to pursue fashion design- life was good. You graduated Inarizaki as one of the best students in your class and first place in the 49th Japan Fashion Design Contest. You could almost remember the feeling of graduating, on stage, receiving your diploma, being cheered on by your friends and family, with a particular blonde boy eye-ing you with adoring eyes.

The after-party was hectic, never-ending drinks, maybe a make-out or two, but overall, you were ecstatic. An interesting thing that happened during the party, was your interaction with Miya Atsumu. He was still as lively as ever, a bright smile on his face wherever he was. Once he saw you that night, a drink in hand and your arm over your friend’s shoulder, a small smile popped on his face. He went still for a second as all the memories rushed back and you spun around. You were sweaty and drunk, but in his eyes, you looked heavenly. You remember glancing at his eyes for a second, he still had that same honey-toned eyes, a slight lovey-dovey look in his eyes. That was the only interaction you had for the night, and what you thought was for the rest of your life. Or so you’d thought.

Life was pretty much hectic after graduation. College, then joining one of the most successful fashion designers, to actually having your own brand. Who knew design could be so stressful? You slump down in your office only to be greeted by more piles of fabric and paperwork. Another load of presentations to investors and other businesses- yet your company seemed to be going nowhere. “Excuse me, your 4 o’clock meeting is here.” Your assistant suddenly says, making you flinch. “Geez- at least knock first.” You say, standing up and fixing your outfit. This client was particularly important to your brand- they had asked for a possibility of sponsorship. It would be groundbreaking to collab with them- a grade-a sports team would be amazing to collab with. You just weren’t expecting for him to be here.

“Good afternoon, Mister… Shugo?” You say, looking down at a clipboard with all your materials. Shugo was a familiar name- you’ve probably heard it somewhere on the radio. “Y/N?- I-it’s you.” The man says, standing up. You freeze. You knew that voice- it’s gotten much deeper though. His tone is laced with curiosity- it almost felt like a dream. You look up to be met by him. His honey blonde hair was slicked to the side better, a hint of softness in his brown eyes. “Atsumu?” You mutter unknowingly. A sense of nostalgia hit you as your eyes scanned him. He looks older- and he’s surely gotten buffer. It felt like a dream, really. To see your high school crush almost more than 5 years apart. Then it came back. The sequence of events that happened leading up to the fight. It still hurt, of course, but not as much. I suppose you’ve gotten over it. You snap back into reality when Atsumu coughs awkwardly. “I’m supposed to meet- Shugo. Shugo Meian. Wh- what are you doing here?” You mutter out. “Shugo sent me. I didn’t know- this was your company.” Atsumu says, tucking his hands in his pocket with a small smile. He was still as smug as ever. You nod hesitantly- you had to give him the benefit of the doubt though. “Take a seat, Mr. Miya. We should start talking about the offer.” You say, pointing to the sofa behind him. He nods, giving you a small smile. Gosh- his smile was just as captivating as it did in high school. You feel yourself getting uncomfortable from your own thoughts- after all, you were over him. Right?

“Thank you so much for this opportunity, Mister Miya.” You say, bowing. After around an hour of deliberating and talking, you ended up with a beneficial deal for both of you. Of course, despite your troubles, you stayed professional. It was slightly amusing how Atsumu’s eyes would linger on you- admiring your figure more than a mere business partner would. “I look forward to working with you, Y/N,” Atsumu says, smiling widely. “Hey- uh- do you miss… Suna? and Osamu?” Atsumu asks, a bit hesitant. He’s not sure whether you’d like that because of the incident- but your eyes light up in excitement. “Well, a bit,” That was an understatement, of course. “I assume Osamu became a chef like he always wanted?” You ask curiously. You recall Osamu sharing his dreams of being a chef at lunch, a bright smile on his face every time he thought of it. Atsumu nods and you sigh in relief. “Well- you should catch up with us! Osamu’s finally coming back to town.” Atsumu says- which caught you off guard. Of course, you missed them a lot, but- it would bring back a lot of unpleasant memories. Eh, whatever. Seeing them for a bit wouldn’t hurt. “I mean- sure- but-” “Great! Here’s my number.” Atsumu says, scribbling down his number on a random card. “S-Shugo's number is on there as well- by the way,” Atsumu says, chuckling awkwardly. You nod, taking the card. Would you regret this? I dunno.

That day, you ended up in one of the fanciest nightclubs in town, Energize. It was pretty popular amongst rich people and Atsumu had volunteered to pay for everything anyway. You were seated in a booth, quietly waiting for your ex-teammates. Your heart was beating in anticipation- would they look different? You were sure Osamu still had his signature gray hair and Suna’s soft floofy brown hair. Your main concern was if they would show up or not. It was 15 minutes over what time they agreed, and you were getting hesitant. Was this a mistake? Your mind flashed back to the pile of paperwork and you sighed. You took out your phone, checking your texts.

Y/N This is Atsumu Miya, I presume? Atsumu - High School Y/N!! you texted !! Y/N ヽ(￣▽￣)ノ Are we still meeting up tonight? Atsumu - High School yeah yeah ofc !! suna and osamu already said yes :) Y/N I’m excited to meet them :DD Atsumu - High School they’re excited to meet you too btw u don’t have to be that formal with me lol Y/N Ah, no worries. I like being formal. Where are we meeting up? Atsumu - High School Energize, 8 pm tonight don’t be late :DD Y/N I’ll be there.

You cringed at some particular parts of your conversations- had you always been this dry? You huff as you look around further, looking for a huddle of boys. There’s no one in sight that looks like them- and with that, you roll your eyes. It was an empty promise anyways- he never meant anything he said anyway. You stuff your phone into your pocket and head off before- you heard something. “Oi Tsumu, where the hell are they? We’ve been looking for them all over the place!” A voice says- Osamu. You would recognize that voice everywhere- were they really that blind? You turn around before being greeted by 3 males, one of them being Atsumu. “Y/N? Is that you?”

The air felt awkward yet soft as you fiddled with your nails. Atsumu had rented out a private booth for the 4 of you, blocking out all the noise and music. You leaned back on your chair, trying to observe your friends. Osamu had darker hair now- with fluffed-up ends. Suna, on the other hand, still has his signature fluffy brown hair, it just has more volume in it. “Osamu, you’re a chef, Atsumu tells me?” You finally speak up, the silence getting overbearing. Osamu’s eyes light up and he puts on a small smile. “Yeah. Osamu’s Onigiris- Doesn’t it sound nice?” Osamu asks excitedly and you nod. “I’m happy for you, Samu.” You slightly cringe- it was too soon to use that nickname. “What about you? What did you end up… becoming?” Suna asks, leaning on his elbow. “I’m a designer now. I own a company- it’s pretty small though.” You say, chuckling. “I knew it. You’ve always been good at drawing and design and… stuff.” Osamu says, a proud smile on his face. You felt a bit comforted by them, a sense of happiness. It felt nice- just to escape reality for a moment and be with your old friends. Atsumu, however, felt a little different. His heart was beating quicker by the second, and you could swear you saw him blush when he saw you. You could say that he was crushing on you.

The loud music was deafening as you made your way through the crowd, hanging on Suna’s shoulder. Everything felt vibrant as you looked around- people dancing, making out, and having fun. It’s been a long time ever since you loosened up and had fun so this was great. Osamu was laughing his head off about something and Atsumu was blabbering about how he was plucking girls from all over the country. After that awkward encounter, Atsumu had volunteered for heavy drinks and well, this was the outcome. “Mmmh- I think I need another drink,” Osamu says, pointing to some chairs. “Yes. Let’s get a few shots- then go home- because I feel like throwing up.” Suna says, a slight smirk playing on his face. “Mister bartender! 4 shots of vodka please!” Atsumu shouts as you all slump against the table. “Yo, Y/N, question… are you single?” Osamu asks as the shots arrive. You nod your head. Your love life so far has been a little boring… just a few hook-ups and dates along the way but no one really stuck. “Ah, you’re the same with Tsumu then!” Osamu says, giggling. Atsumu rolls his eyes and downs the shot in an attempt to push out what Osamu just said. “I mean- ever since you broke up with him, his girlfriend literally broke up with him too- and he never got over you- aFTER 6 YEARS!” Osamu says, chuckling. Atsumu nearly choked on his drink as he processed what Osamu just said- “Excuse me?” You questioned, glaring at Osamu. It takes Osamu a big fat second to realize what he said before a light blush colored his cheeks. “Hey, Suna! Didn’t you say you wanted to check out the toilet earlier?-” Osamu asks suddenly, standing up and picking Suna up by the hoodie. “Wait what?-”

“That was an interesting comment… wasn’t it, Atsumu?” You muttered, downing your shot. Atsumu shoots you a small glare before his cheeks flare in embarrassment. “I mean- Osamu is- a bit correct- I’m still single- but- that wasn’t true, I’m over you- pfft-” Atsumu said, giggling nervously. You chuckled because you’ve noticed that he’s grown more transparent over the years- you can see by the tone of his voice. “Are you sure, Tsumu?” You ask teasingly, leaning in slowly. Atsumu’s eyes widen before downing the rest of his shot. “Y-yes- I’m sure- of course-” Atsumu stutters, a light pink blush on his cheeks. You could just remember that Atsumu did the same thing to you, in high school. The way he made you flutter and smile joyfully- it was amusing. “I’m joking, Atsumu.” You said, giggling as you saw his flustered reaction. “Mmmm- I feel sleepy.” You said as your eyelids feel heavier. “Would you like to go home?” Atsumu asks, fixing your hair a little. He’s grown softer over the years, definitely. Honestly, at first, you’d be very mad at Atsumu if you weren’t drunk, but you were tired. It had been a long day- a small ride home would be okay, right?

“I’m sorry I ended up dragging you to my house.” You said softly, turning on the lights as you stumble into the apartment. Wasted, was the only thing that was right to describe you. Atsumu was right behind you, hoisting your arm up even though he was drunk himself. “No worries Y/N. I wouldn’t want you to stumble over and hit yourself.” Atsumu says as you lay down on the sofa. “Do you want me to get you a cup of water? Some meds, or anything?” Atsumu asks, observing you. You shake your head softly, yawning. “I’ll get you some food, wait here a second,” Atsumu says, standing up. Your head feels heavy against the cushions of the couch- and you feel worn out and tired. “Here you go- some bread, and meds- to avoid headaches,” Atsumu mutters, handing you a pill and a plate of chocolate bread. “Thank you, Tsumu.” You say, starting to eat up the bread. Atsumu’s heart fluttered at your nickname, a visible blush on his cheeks. “Hey, Tsumu, was Osamu really telling the truth? Back at the bar?” You ask softly. You’re currently leaning against Atsumu’s arm, him visibly flustering around your touch. He was definitely caught off guard by your question- a light blush coloring his cheeks. “Yeah. Sure. I guess you could say he was telling the truth.” He chuckles, hoping you wouldn’t kick him off the couch. “Why?” was the only thing you could say. He sighed softly, sitting you up- a serious conversation, you noted. “I mean… somedays, I just remember how I treated you like shit. How I used you for my own benefit- it’s funny, really, how my feelings have grown over the years. I remember that day, the day you snapped- I was okay with it at first- I saw you as merely a game- but sooner or later I missed you- I missed the way you’d laugh at my cringy jokes, the way you attended every practice I had.” Atsumu mutters, looking down. His tears are threatening to spill and he lets out a breathy chuckle. And it’s so stupid because you can’t love me back. Not after the way, I hurt you and the way you ran off like that- I’m so stupid for loving you… aren’t I?” Atsumu asks. He looks up at you, a small smile playing on his face and he’s on the brink of tears. Back then, he could lie to you so easily- it was as if your feelings didn’t matter to him- but you were surprised to find out that the feelings you had for him… were returned. After all these years, he was willing to give his heart to you. You felt bad for him- of course, he’d think you hate him. You did, really, that day, you cried- you considered moving to another school- but here you were, sitting in front of Atsumu after he had just confessed. “Please say something. I- I won’t be mad if you say you hate me.” Atsumu mutters quietly. You sigh- what do you say?

“Atsumu. Look at me, please?”

He raises his head up to be met by a soft smile. “Tsumu. I don’t hate you, okay?” You say. Even if you’re drunk, your opinion on Atsumu was clear enough. “Yes, I was hurt. You had a girlfriend and you were flirting with me- of course, I was hurt.” You quickly said, looking down. “But I don’t know- you make me feel safe. Even after all those years and I saw you- my feelings all erupted once I saw you. Not gonna lie- it felt shitty- the man who broke my heart stand right then and there.” You gave out a breathy chuckle. Unknowingly, Atsumu was staring right at you with hopeful eyes, hoping for you to say that you loved him back. “Atsumu… I like you, aswell- but I just wanna know if you’re playing games with me. I don’t wanna be some kind of rebound- I don’t wanna raise my hopes up just for you to destroy them.” You muttered softly. “Yes, of course! I- I actually like you this time. You make me so happy, I promise-” Atsumu says, leaping into your arms very suddenly. You yelp at the sudden hug, feeling- inflicted.

“I never got to apologize for my actions- I’m so so sorry- I love you, I love you,” Atsumu mutters into your neck, causing you to giggle. It was amusing- to see Atsumu so flustered over you. “Tsumu. It’s okay, I forgive you.” You mutter softly, petting his hair. Atsumu pulls away, a drunken smile on his face. “C-can I kiss you? I didn’t get a chance to last time…” Atsumu asks slowly, a red blush on his face. You giggle softly- goddamn if he wasn’t cute. “Okay, you can kiss m-” You say slowly, before being interrupted by Atsumu’s lips on yours. His lips are sweet tang against your tongue, and his breath is warm and messy against your lips. You’ve dreamt of this moment since you first laid your eyes on him- his lips against yours, and you’re both a warm ball of happiness. Another life came quicker than expected for Atsumu, but he wasn’t complaining. He got to be with you anyways.

#atsumu #atsumu miya #miya twins #haikyuu #haikyū!!#haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #haikyuu angst #inarizaki #inarizaki imagines #atsumu icons #atsumu fluff #atsumu scenarios #atsumu angst #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu x y/n

25 notes · View notes

hikari-writes · 4 years

Text

❅A Love Letter I Have to My Lovely and Beloved Friends❅

(I just know that 30 july was a national friendship day and today is like 31 july already at where I am but,,, just pretend that this is also for National Friendship Day 🤡🔫)

As you all know, it's been confirmed that I'll be going on a hiatus two days from now that I really don't know how long it will go on. So, with that in mind, I wished to leave this message to all the wonderful friends I've made while I was active here on Tumblr during quarantine.

I've started this writing blog a few months ago, to be precise, on May where life in quarantine was starting to become a norm. In the few months until now, I did my best to start writing and drawing more using all the free times that I have.

I wouldn't have expected this blog to grow so much in such a short time. To me, it was really mind blowing, seeing that there's a lot of other great content creators here on Tumblr. Yet, the 300+ people who stumbled upon my blog still decided to follow me.

I was really happy to have made many contents that I'm actually proud of posting. And I still can't believe there are people out there who love them. Seeing every one of your comments and reblogs and likes really, really, squeezed my heart and I couldn't be more thankful for your support.

And during these fun times, I was able to make friends with many amazing, talented, fantastic and all the good words I could find in the dictionary people on here. You all are a real gift to me and I hold you guys close to my heart.

I still can't believe I was able to befriend you guys though, like, y'all are so amazing and I was just here like squeaking my name to you like a shy mice lmao. =///= Anyways, thank you for all the good and fun times. Thank you for being with me and helping me with lots of things. Just, thank you for everything. (I'm writing this at 1am like it's sad hours yall I'm crying :')))

If you are ever feeling down, do not ever forget that, even if it's only me, I'll support you to the end of the world because you're just so amazing and fantastic. I love you and never let any hate that's thrown at you let you down because they aren't worth your time.

The people I'll be mentioning below are my dear friends or just people that I have been interacting with during the times I was online, little or not, I still consider you guys to be my friends (very self-proclaimed here sorry)and I'm still honoured by that fact.

@your-local-bnha-writer -Bean, you and your posts are always so wholesome and cute and I love them. Keep being amazing, and we may not interact much, but I still appreciate every little convos we had. Also, wish you luck on tpn, that shit hurted :')

@identifybby -Liaaaa, omg im so v v grateful we became friends. You've helped me with a tons of things and I can't thank you enough for everything you've done to me. You're just so amazing and thank you for always putting up with me, i love you sm.

@minteasketches -Mintea! You're such an amazing artist and I rlly enjoyed our conversations! You might not see this since you're off socmed but just wanna let u know that thank u for being my friends.

@yandere-of-your-dreams -Heyyy sis,, you're always such a sweet bean to me and showering me w love and i appreciate them, stay amazing and I'm sure you'll become an amazing writer.

@shotobabe -Ren, wifey, ilysm thank u for always being with me. You're such an awesome person and keep on being yourself. You're perfect and talented, don't let others tell you otherwise. AND while I'm gone, don't forget to drink lots of water okay? I won't be able to remind you while I'm on a hiatus, but please always remember to drink water. That'd be the first thing I'll ask you once I'm able to be online. And please try to eat more okay bb? I love u.

@takumipineapplexd -Taku! Amazing writer and amazing editor, yes I'm talking about you. You're amazing and keep on making cursed content and being crackhead, i love them.

@bnhabadass -We might not talk much, but I just want to let you know that you're so amazing and I look up to u v much. Literally had a heart attack when u commented on angel wings lmao.

@tomomoni -Mon, love, soft bean, I LOVE U. You've always been so wholesome and cute to every one of your followers and seeing ur interactions literally heals my heart. Your art is amazing so continue being amazing ilysm thank u for being an amazing advisor and listener, I'm v grateful for that. You have no idea how blessed I am to have you as a friend. Meeting you through turn on your airdrop's fanart was F A T E.

@kamabukokompachiro -First time u asked my permission to read my fanfic, I legit teared up. Thank u sm for asking, I couldn't be happier to know that my fic is worthy to be read over for a yt channel. Keep on being amazing and ily.

@kaminii -Kamiiiii, sweet child, you're always so matured and calm and I really adore and respect that part of you (unlike me im v childish and rash) You're an amazing writer and editor and ur aesthetic? 100/10. Love it. You're so talented despite being so young and I'm just, WOW. Ily and thank u for being friends w me. And please fix your sleeping schedule bb. It's rlly not good for your health, like please? Ily.

@katsucutie -I love you and your writing so v much, and I rlly enjoyed talking to you, discussing about Burn Book was rlly fun. I might not be able to know the ending since im gonna go on a hiatus but I'll be sure to catch up to it once im back. Keep being amazing and awesome.

@isolshi -CHERIE, I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE AMAZING. Don't be so insecure about your writing. They're amazing. And you're also one of the sweetest and cute person I've met here. I always love teasing you cause your reaction is always so funny and cute. Keep being awesome. And please, please, please get enough sleep and drink LOTS of water. I legit would cry if you don't drink more water cher.

@mirakeul -BIANCAAAAA LOVE YOU'RE SO AMAZING AND SWEET LiKE--- please, I love talking to you and thank you so much for always reminding me to eat. Your calligraphy and handwriting are awesome, shshh i don't take criticism. Never stop writing, I love them. And please never forget I love you and you're my best friend okay?

@roxybefab -You've always been the first to ask me to be on my taglist and I'm so v happy because of that. Thank you for everything, and keep on being awesome. You can do this, ily.

@princessofdawn718 -Talking to you about Hamefura has been so fun! I haven't talked w many ppl about isekai so im rlly glad I could talk about them w you. Katarina x nicol ftw! Thanks for talking to me, it was such a pleasure rlly.

@softkodzuken -Maam your writing is A M A Z I N G. I love anon sm and you're rlly so sweet for always replying to every single comment on them. Don't be so insecure about them, they're amazing and i will always stand by that point. Wishing you the best of luck for Undercover!

@lolitsleia -Your art is *chef's kiss* i love them so much, I still can't believe you hadn't had more recognition like why?? Ur oc alex is the cutest thing ever and i love her. Thank you again for drawing Yuki. She looked really beautiful and cute in your drawing.

@samanthaa-leanne -We may not talk much, but when you first followed me back, my heart goes B O O M. You're so amazing and keep being like that. And uh,, good luck with Violet Evergarden if you ever plan to watch it. Prepare a couple of tissue boxes....or dozens.

@miyumtwins -Fellow android users! I first saw you through Bean's post about a tag game and i was like *gasp* another androiders..! I swear that one time i was interacting w you, I didn't actually meant to go off anon,, yes im dumb lmao. Anyways, you're rlly amazing and I'm rlly honoured to be followed by you.

@kawasuno -Your smau? 100/10. Your sense of humour 100/10. They're just so perfect *chef's kiss* I love every one of your updates and they always managed to put a smile on my face, i was like, how did you do that? My sense of humour is nonexistant, teach me your ways sensei. But anyways, you're rlly amazing and awesome. Keep up w that.

@kukusbabe -Tsu, I've never said this, but it's you. It's always been you all along. What i mean is, I've followed you first (i knew u through zara's flopping server yeah!) And when i looked at my dash and saw all your interactions w your moots, despite me haven't legally started haikyuu yet, i decided to follow all of them, soooo if it's not for you, we may not have met each other. Everyone in the kita family, Tsu is the MVP here muah. Also your aesthethic and writing and everything is so kajsjhendnd amazing i LOvE---

@iwaixiumi -King Nami, you're so awesome and amazing,, and I'm really glad to be able to interact w you. All those songs you recommend? Yeah, I'm going to listen and love all of them, thank u so much for the recs. Keep being amazing and to everyone reading this, PLEASE INTERACT WITH KING NAMI MORE SHE DOESN'T BITE---

@shoutodoki -Hello, you're so amazing and talented and im just,,, kekkdjfjdj when you followed me--- and when u figured out i was the anon talking about oboro i was OAKSJEJDDJ please, i was so honoured u know, like ???? Anyways, keep on writing what you love and your art maam? THEY'RE AMAZING LIKE BOTH YOUR ART AND WRITING IS SO KAJSJDJDN pliS im so v honoured to be able to talk to you.

@lisarillia -Please excuse me while I go shout in the corner of how much i LOVE your arts. They're amazing and being able to talk to you was a real pleasure. Keep on doing what you love. They'll be amazing no matter what i swear.

@cutiedrawsbnha -Cutie, honey, you're amazing and your art is so cute! Don't let what haters said get to you. You're going to grow into an amazing artist. If you give in and listen to what they said, you're going to end up like what they said so ignore them honey! I believe in you so keep shipping izuocha, todomomo, and kamijirou and making arts. Lotsa love!

@lilikags -Heeyyyy you sweet cute innocent bean! Don't ever stop writing what you love, you'll grow into a big blog soon enough, before you know it. Just keep making what you love, and as time pass by, I'm sure there will be many people who will find appreciate everything you do. I'm always supporting you.

@baeshijima -SOPHHHHH YOU SWEET CUTE CINNAMON ROLL WAKATOSHI'S WIFE EYE--- You have NO idea how much i love you,, you're so sweet and I honestly don't know what did i do to deserve you. Srsly you're a blessing to me. Thank you for the sweet daily reminder in my inbox, i love each and every one of them. Keep being so cute and wholesome, love you.

@shinsuque -ANAAAAA Thanks again for the Bakugou's memes! I may not be able to do it before i go on a hiatus though *sobbing* Keep being so awesome! I love seeing all your interactions and you're so amazing i honestly don't know why you followed me----

@semiluvr -LYDIA *SOBBING* THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR INVITING ME TO THE KITA FAMILY. Even though we've known each other in less than a week, it already felt like I had known you guys for so long like whotttt. Keep being an amazing and sweet person ily muah

@dumbass-lev -MOMMY, MUI, ILY THANK U FOR ALWAYS BEING SO SWEET YOU'RE AMAZING,,, u have no idea how happy (and also flustered) I am when i saw you asking you want to adopt me like,,, whot I've never been asked to be adopted online b4 so you asking that was a big surprise to me and just,,, remember that i love you and you're an amazing mommy. Hope i wasn't too much too handle as your child lol and thank u, for asking to invite me to the server. It has been a real pleasure to me to be there.

@pudding-head-kenma -DANIE!! We haven't talked much and I've only known you for a short time but I really love your detailed analysis. They're amazing and you're amazing. Thank you for being so sweet and cute. Ily.

@/🦋 nonoi -🦋 NONOIIII!!! IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS, I JUST WANNA TELL YOU THANK YOU FOR BEING MY EMOJI ANON! I love you you're so sweet and bb please please please don't forget me id cry,,,

@astereim -Rein!!! I know we just talked and all but you seem to be a reaally cool and amazing person,, we might not be able to interact much since I need to go prepare things b4 i go on my hiatus though, but just wanna let u know that ily!

@tokoyamis-luv -please don't come for my neck i haven't been active on the server Lol but anyways, zara, you're amazing and your simping for Kurapika is always fun to watxh. Also all the lin manuel edits are *chef's kiss* we may not talk much but i was rlly honoured to be able to interact w you, even a little bit.

@engel-hageshii - YOU, MAAM are a literal angel, and your comments on my fics always managed to make me smile so much. I love you, please never stop being such a sweetheart.

@laylahoran -I've always loved and appreciate every comments you make. I'm v happy I was able to create a content that you can love. You and engel has been some of my firsts followers and I'm really blessed to have you two.

@oyasenpai -Diemmy! You're so sweet and cute and seeing your interaction w my moots (kami) was what made me follow you. Don't let what others said bring you down, okay? Just do what you want because there're always many people supporting you for it.

Special message to the kita family server;

Meanwhile while you guys were talking about me there, I was just innocently scrolling through Tumblr, not knowing what kind of fate I'll be receiving 👁👄👁 No wonder I was sneezing so much 🤧🤧🤧

So, I was just scrolling through the pinned messages and I saw tsu said "mui: can we invite hikari? Everyone here: kakskejdjdjdn" and i was just like,,, ??????? I wasn't expecting u guys to have that kind of reaction i--- yall have no idea how much i was grinning while I scroll through those messages. Thank you so much for inviting and accepting me, it's really fun to be with you guys and your crackhead energy 🥰🥰 Thank you to mui for suggesting you had no idea I was really really happy. 😭 Y'all are so amazing and sweet and cute and beautiful kakjdjdd

To all of my dear friends that I've mentioned above, I LOVE YOU LOTS YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO MET YOU GUYS. Quarantine time has been stressful for a lot of people, and Tumblr can sometimes (a lot of times) be kinda whack but I was really happy to met you guys during my time here. Our time together may have been short, but i feel like we've known each other for more than a year, no caps. I love you all very very much. Thank you for talking to me and befriending me. Remember to get enough sleep, drink lots of water, stay safe and healthy, eat enough meals and, take care of yourself. I love you guys.

And lastly, to everyone reading this, whether i know you or not, or interacted with you or not, or follow you or not, or you follow me or not, just REMEMBER that you are worth it and I love you. Keep on being awesome, and always remember to smile, laugh and live. Don't forget to always DRINK LOTS OF WATER, GET ENOUGH SLEEP, and EAT ENOUGH MEALS.

Signing off,

Hikari.

#amazing talented people #sweet nice people 💕#a message #my dear friends

121 notes · View notes

aresrl · 3 years

Note

I hihi I am!!! A little nervous w/ doing this bc I've never done this b4 so please bear🐻 w// me💦 May I request a match up? A vision, a romantic partner and maybe a friend and/or enemy? If that's too much feel free to just assign me a vision + partner, ehe/// Preferably male for a romantic match-up, but either gender is fine with a friend and enemy match-up^^ I tried to be as detailed as possible but I think I ended up just ranting, so im v v sorry if it's long! I sort of fluctuate when it comes to being an introvert/extroverted. W// strangers and irl, I'm very introverted and shy!! Rarely speak and if I do it's just the usual "Hi how are you? That's good. I'm good too, thank you for asking:)" yeayea I'm not too. Keen on social interaction irl. But I always do my best to be very nice!! I never wanna come off as mean bc wow what a bad first impression that would be. But with friends / ppl ik online?? Whew I am very very friendly n chatty ^^ Either very high energy or very chill, there's rarely any inbetween. Sometimes I like to jokingly tease my friends but I'd never go too far / make them uncomfortable!! And if I do I always apologize right away!! I like to say that I'm affectionate?? My strongest love language is def physical affection, if not quality time. Idk man there's just something about vibing with someone or hugging them that just aaaaa/// Although I usually display affection w// words of affection bc. Literally most of my friends are online friends so I can't actually hug them, sad times. Idk if this is needed/important info but I just remembered: I'm 5'6 around??? Need glasses bc. Whew i am blind (near sighted), I'm poc (specifically black) anndd, hm. Actually I think thats it for this section, aha. As you can see I'm, not really all that organized. Also I don't have the best attention span - while writing this I'm circling between 4 different apps - and I'm a bit of a mess. And also a little stupid. Just a smidge dumb. But I have my moments - I solved like. 2 puzzles in Inazuma by myself so I think that counts for something. I also find that I tend to talk a whole lot when I have an idea or smthn to say abt a thing I'm super interested in!! That's info-dumping. I info dump. Yes. I also really like to listen to other people talk abt things they like!!!! Its so nice :) I'm protective over people I care about!! I've never done it but 100% would bark at someone who messed with someone close to be. Arf arf yaknow. I tend to he impulsive. I'll do something, and be all "YEAH>:D" and then regret it later. And then I'll do it all over again in a fun little cycle :) I consider myself an optimist, but quickly turn into a pessimist whenever it concerns myself. Fun funfun. Should probably mention that I am. A very insecure person w/ dangerously low self esteem, which is super fun esp when you mix that with the fact that I'm rarely ever motivated to improve. Yayayay Also sort of a pushover?? Like most often than not I'll be convinced to do something, even if I'm not too keen on doing it. Also afraid of confrontation when it comes to my friends and strangers (that is, if it's concerning me!! I'll order smthn for my friend but if I need to order for myself?? uhh stutter time aha). I'm also a mega simp ahah! Srsly though if I fall for someone/get infatuated with someone I. Will be so obvious abt it even though I try very hard not to be. Would gush over that person probably. I don't really like mean people tbh. Like yes I'll be nice and civil with them but!!! I cannot stand!!! Rude people!!! Esp when they're mean for no reason like sir??? maam??? homie??? chill pls ty<3 People who aren't necessarily mean, but moreso have bastard energy and are just really "hehe>:D" but playfully are p poggers tho!!! I think I get along with kids!! I have a little sister,, around like. Nine? And we get along really well!! I also try and match a kid's energy whenever I'm tasked with looking after them. I take pride in the fact that kids like me >:].... even if they sometimes scare me-- Ok, interest time!!

I like art!! Quite a bit!! Less of a realistic artist and more of a cartoonist!! Idk there's just something fun abt drawing cartoons, hehe. I also like self ships - I have quite a bit of them, actually ! Idk its comforting drawings your fictional crushes loving you idkidk. I like writing too! Both original stories, and one-shots or personal fics that are associated with already created media!! Writing character backstories and personalities and stuff is also fun too! I've even made my own fictional world with a full fledged backstory n everything! It's very fun to think about. I'm a day dreamer!!! Yea remember when I said I write stories? I day dream abt potential stories even more. Mmm daydream world so nice so warm so fun I read aswell!! Mostly fantasy books, or stories where animals are the protagonists. Think Warrior Cats. But my favorite book series has got to be Guardians of Ga'Hoole. Fantasy owl books, anyway! X Readers are also things I enjoy reading :) Again, s I m p Also gaming!!! Is something fun I do sometimes!!! Although it's usually Genshin Impact, or Wii Sports/Resort w// my little sister. Oh, also pokemon! I rlly like Primarina, Vaporeon, Sylveon and Vulpix/Ninetails! I absolutely adore sweet foods, and baking is smthn I'm def interested in! Don't like foods w// weird textures though, like beans or mashed potatoes. Also I. Love spice so much. Mmm love it when my mouth burns so bad. Don't have a favorite animal but I've had three cats in my lifetime (btw not important but my current cat is named Sylvester and. He's my baby boy) so I am. A very big cat fan. Probably not needed but I really like sword and claymore characters. Literally all of the characters I main are either sword or claymore users. Although I did get Diona, so I miiight start forcing myself to learn how to aimmm. I see that I tend to like people/characters that are a little more extroverted than me. Upbeat, happy type beat!!! Nice sunshine babies, :) I think thats it! I hope this was good enough? Again, first time doing this (at 2am nonetheless) so forgive me if I got too rambly or did anything wrong ^^ Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this! And I hope your day is good / you had a good day, depending on when you read this, ehe!

Hey! Sorry if the wait has been long! I also love Warrior Cats (I promise myself, one day I'll finish it.)

You received... A Pyro vision! Optimistic, enthusiastic, impulsive, reckless, and a lot of energy are the general characteristics held by the Pyro vision. • I hesitated between the Pyro and Hydro vision, but your energy distinguishes you from the Hydro vision. • You said you were impulsive, always doing something you might regret later but still doing it. • You react quickly: as you said, if somebody hurt someone you love, you won't think twice before barking. Your partner would be... Xingqiu! “This feeling was unexpected.” • At first, you were just friends, and Xingqiu really loved to tease you. Actually, you both teased each other. But eventually, a feeling of love towards you grew into Xingqiu. And that was reciprocated. • Your relationship is filled with teases, jokes, and good/funny moments where you mostly share what you commonly appreciate. • He also knows when to get serious: for example, he does everything to support you during your moments of struggle concerning your self-esteem. Your friend would be... Childe! “Luckily, I'm here!” • You two also share funny moments, especially during situations where your “stupidity” is overtaken by his insight. • Sometimes, he finds you cute. • He likes the fact that you get along well with kids. It leads you to great moments with him and his siblings. • You're quite the opposite in terms of self-esteem. I think it's a good thing because it makes you complementary. Your enemy would be... Albedo! A misunderstanding. • You wouldn't hate each other, but I think Albedo wouldn't like the way you use your energy, and when you're more in a chill mood (meaning you're more available for him to talk), he could get pissed at how much times he'd have to repeat himself for you to understand something. • He's very patient, but he understood quickly that his interests would maybe not be within your reach. • You would just be too different. Worth to mention • You and Venti are like drama queens in Mondstadt. You are good friends. But you both know that you can't be more, as it would eventually both drag you down (because of similar problems). • Klee is also your best friend: both of you share decisions that you definitely will regret later. Or maybe not. • Hu tao and you are kinds of silently competing over who's the best tease, and she beats you. My goal is definitely not achieved. I hope I can catch up tomorrow. And don't worry, it was surprisingly good for a first description!

#genshin request #genshin matchups #genshin #genshin impact

4 notes · View notes

divine-draws · 4 years

Text

okay i had a whole google doc that i wrote a buncha shit but imma try to CONDENSE it and make my ideas more clear bc there was some wishy washy in there. BUT dabihawks ice skating au bc im gay for that shit. all of it under the cut bc this shit is gunna get LONG. buckle in fuckers. ALSO FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ABOUT this i will be happy to answer shit :3c

SO fair warning before we begin. i know shit about ice sports. im like 1) not THAT educated nor have i legit participated though ive always wanted to and 2) this is just self indulgent so like if i dont get shit right or whatever dont come at me bro. im here to have FUN and live a bit vicariously. also as for location of all this shit i dont know and dont care and am american so my perspective on things are skewed. anyway cw: abuse mention

so dabi (touya) is a previous figure skater

he’s a figure skating prodigy

enji was a pro hockey player (id say figure skating but this man was BUILT like a brick shithouse idk man) has a lot of championships under his belt but doesnt even begin to touch the legacy of his one sided rival yagi toshinori

him and rei meet and marry at a young age. she like.. actually liked him then?? shit was kinda okay but things kinda.... got bad quick. the abuse etc was ... yeah. she ends up having dabi and fuyumi (they’re twins babeyy) at a young age too and kinda doesnt feel like she can get out of her horrible marriage

we wont dwell too much on the bad part of all of this though. anyway rei was a figure skater

p well known and known for her fucking GRACE god she moved so well on the ice.

she was so beautiful and spoke through her movements and enji loved that... and so as a hockey player and with a (now previous) figure skater wife he was like aight my kids WILL take up an ice sport and be the FUCKING BEST

dabi isnt made for hockey. enji tries to get him into it but it’s... nah... fuyumi isnt the best with figure skating. she’s good!! and her and dabi do some pair skating when they’re younger but it’s.. hm. dabi is the one with the clear talent here. (fuyumi is a beast on the ice when it comes to hockey though. will dominate. but she kinda... didnt really continue with it)

enji isnt PLEASED that his son isnt gunna be a hockey player but he still values figure skating and will fucking make sure he’s the BEST at it. and so the brutal training starts. he gets some good coaches and also takes up the coaching mantle

the thing is.. rei was amazing as a skater but her body just... wasnt really made for all of that??? and dabi unfortunately kinda inherited that. his body hates the impacts and such. he’s amazing at figure skating. he has a grace similar to his mothers but there’s something more fierce to him.

and honestly !!! he gets far!!

also natsuo comes around. he’s a bit too clumsy for either sport and resents the fact that him and fuyumi are neglected by their father. he also loves touya and gets so pissed seeing his brother so hurt

and shouto is born and this kid was made to be on the ice. he’s skating from the moment he can fucking stand on his own.

obvs enji’s attention is split but it’s mainly on touya who is winning championships and GOING places but it’s still not good enough

anyway idk how far he goes?? but it’s the biggest competition yet and on ice mid routine he lands wrong

one thing leads to the next and he’s pretty much medically retired from a young age. he can skate. he can still kinda preform but he cant do what he used to at ALL and he cant keep up with the brutal pace enji sets. there’s a lot of trying to push him still and it’s just.. not happening

for all it’s worth dabi is kinda glad he isnt doing it anymore. but he fears for his babies brother. shouto is a natural and while yes being a professional athlete of any sort is brutal on your body, his body is a lot more capable

but like touya before, shouto is pushed to his absolute limits. bleeding and injuries and puking his guts out from being pushed too far

there’s a lotta resentment but he still pushes through w skating.

(side note but there DEF is some todomido/tododeku w hockey player izuku who ends up being coached by THE yagi toshinori and who helps shouto out w making shit his own)

anyway so in the end dabi ends up working at a rink tho lol

it’s p much owned by shigarai and run by the lov (who in this au end up making their own little ragtag unofficial local hockey team p much and play games against other teams like them)

despite his father’s whole career, dabi does enjoy playing hockey with these dipshits

but yeah he enjoys his time working at the rink, fucking around and sleeping in random places and sometimes running the zamboni

he’s also best frenemies with shigaraki. they get along and both deal with a shitty upbringing and despite some slight animosity they both would kill if someone fucked w the other

(also at some point dabi DEF teaches some little kid classes lol)

also dabi does sometimes skate his own routines from time to time. only when he’s alone really. though fuyumi has a pass to be there though he will gripe still

SO HAWKS AM I RIGHT??

now there is a couple ways to go with this and somewhere in me there is an au with hockey player hawks who takes skating lessons from figure skater dabi BUT

i think for this au we’ll just say he was a figure skater from the get go

i think he WANTED to do hockey as a kid. like shouto he’s also a fucking natural and was skating as soon as he could fucking stand and walk. and he looked up to enji and kinda wanted to take up hockey but

listen,,, trans hawks. who wanted to be like todoroki enji and be a pro hockey player. shit just.. didnt work like that though and besides he’s a tiny dude and god he’d be fucking obliterated

he kinda is self taught and the ice is his escape from his shitty home life

idk how this works but listen gotta tie in the commission somehow???

he’s scouted or whatever for figure skating at a very young age and his mom is happy to take the heavy scholarships and happy to sign him over to skate for these ppl and have them push him to be The Best

and this kid is FAST. he’s fast and is insane with his jumps and stg it almost looks like he’s FLYING (which gets him the nickname hawks)

the coaches are brutal and shit sucks and a lot of the time it kinda sucks the life out of the sport but he still enjoys it

he has a love for outfits that legit have flare to them (also im thinking of johnny weir’s one outfit w the feathers but yknow instead of white they are RED) and while he does do routines to boring ass music he mainly likes doing shit different (also dabi was p much forced the whole time to do shit to that boring ass music but on his own he’d use his own music taste to skate to)

and he’s good!! he GOES places. he’s like makes it to the olympics at a young age and is one of THE youngest gold medalists for figure skating

im sure somewhere along the line him and dabi DID meet. it was at some competition and hawks was VIBRATING bc there’s ENJI and he wants and autograph and oH GOD IS THAT HIS SON??? he’s HOT. (and at this time dabi still had his red hair and like no piercings and what little ones he had they were out but this dumbass will not recognize him later on)

but god he needs to chill TF out or he will fuck up in the competition

he hears about dabi’s whole accident and like feels for him but again it’s not like they were friends. there was more of a slight rivalry and they barely spoke if they did

but so idk like.. between seasons hawks finds himself going like nearly every day to this rink.. aka shigaraki’s rink (also sidenote but lbr it’s really run by shirakumo who kinda has to fucking herd the cats w this group)

as frenemies dabi and shigaraki share their distaste for some of these pro athletes (tho some get a pass) and kinda complain about hawks a bit tho like..... shigaraki cant complain TOO much bc of the money from hawks renting out the rink for a few hours almost every day

dabi is too gay for this shit when he actually sees hawks in action. rip him

tbh they dont really interact tho (besides dabi telling him to gtfo the rink or he’ll run him over with the zamboni) until one day that hawks catches dabi skating

he was done and should have been gone but he forgot something on the bleachers and then he sees dabi and.. oh boy he’s GAY AF

and also dabi is RLLY GOOD???

and so hawks makes a FOOL of himself and startles the poor guy and p much presses all the wrong buttons w asking why he doesnt compete or something

and i mean im sure they had some SLIGHT progress w talking before. nothing significant but god the walls go RIGHT THE FUCK UP and dabi is pissed

tbh dabi was gunna get to the point where he LEGIT talked to him and maybe lowkey asked him out (he says this but shigaraki calls his bluff) and now there is no way. he storms off and tries to avoid him so hard

and hawks tries to corner him a bit but after some time he does manage to corner him and be like pls just let me take you out to dinner to make up for that shit????

aaand dabi accepts bc listen okay he cant say no to free food ??? like he’s kinda pissy w this guy but also.. listen he has EYES

anywayyy p much this just leads to them dating

hawks DEF looks him up and watches all the vids of him and like the idiot he is realizes that he met him before ( “oh my GOD i know you” “uh… we’re dating i hope u know me?????” “nO I MEAN WE MET AT (insert comp)”)

but before that dabi did like tell him some shit. mainly about like how he used to skate blah blah and the whole thing that ended all of that

he doesnt really delve too deep into like his shitty childhood until well later

idk what leads to it but the convo finally comes up and it’s so draining for dabi and hawks is horrified and ready to fight his dad (“listen i just sharpened my skates i’ll just-”)

anyway some side things bc this is long and i will answer questions on this tho

rumi is a women’s pro hockey player and fuyumi who actually follows hockey and shit has the BIGGEST crush on her (they end up together)

also natsuo comes to see one of the leagues games (he hasnt really seen them play tbh?? he hears about it from dabi but he lives like at least a few hours away on campus and is going for med school so rip him) and like he meets shigaraki and anyway dabi is losing his FUCKING MIND bc his best frenemy/boss and his younger brother are FLIRTING. RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM???

dabi and hawks are really gay together and have skated together by this point and made out on ice a few times and shigaraki was miserable and is like “NOW U KNOW!!” and dabi is pissed bc “yEAH BUT THAT”S MY LITTLE BROTHER??? IT”S NOt thE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

90 notes · View notes

dr3am-t3am · 4 years

Text

quick comment i wanted to make on the fan art issue, that i would’ve put on twitter if it weren't for its stupid character limit

i really really do understand both sides. in all honesty, im not mad at all, bc i think the issue is more with twitter itself than either dream or the artists, but tensions got rlly high last night and i feel for everyone that was affected. i do wanna say tho, the twitter algorithm really puts artists at a h u g e disadvantage.

to everyone and anyone affected, pls feel free to talk to me? and if you have fan art, feel free to message me w/ it. im v far from anything resembling a big account both here and on twitter, but i will definitely boost ur art if u send it ! we really can't expect ccs to see or boost our art, just from the crappiness of social media algorithms alone, but when artists work together to help each other and such we can still make sure that all of our art is appreciated and loved by the community. love y'all !! <3 <3 <3

more hypothetical discussion and thoughts under the cut

again, i am a fanartist. i am also a fanfic writer, and i started on tumblr, so i know that bc of my experiences, im gonna be a lot less? affected? i guess by limited interactions from ccs. on tumblr, there’s no way you're gonna get noticed by ccs (which is a perk, sometimes) and when you’re a fanfic writer you really dont even ask for positive attention you really just want people to stop giving you negative attention haha

that being said, i understand people’s frustration with dream bc he hasn’t been interacting as much with art. i maintain that this frustration should be more directed to the twitter algorithm, tho.

(who’s ready for some hypothetical math?)

let’s say that an artist takes 1 hour to make one piece of art. this is honestly, really really dang fast, many detailed full pieces of art take 2-3 hours at least, and many others will take 8, 10, or even more. but we’re gonna give the artist the benefit of the doubt anyways and say that they take 1 hour.

Now how about stan accounts? Let’s say that they make 5 posts an hour. This is honestly, probably a low ball! Each post takes a few seconds to make, a lot of the time, and plenty of accounts are much more active than posting every 12 minutes. But we’re gonna, again, make this situation the best possible situation for the artist, and let’s say that the stan account only posts 5 times an hour. Even with this situation, for each post that the artist makes, assuming that they @ dream every time, he’s going to see 5 posts by a stan account.

Artists also tend to be very outnumbered on twitter, so let’s say for every artist, there are 10 stan accounts. Let’s assume that they also make 5 posts an hour. So for each artist that shows up in dream’s notifications, he’s going to see 50 posts by stan accounts.

But artists get fatigued! We’re going to go with a high estimate again with 4 fully finished pieces a day. (this is insane! keep in mind, even if we’re lowballing the time put in, this is still 4 hours a day of art. for most artists, their fully finished pieces take 2, 3, 4 hours. four pieces a day would put them at 8-16 hours of work!!). on the other hand, stan account posts take a lot less time to make, and are much less likely to make them fatigued. Therefore, we can assume that the stan accounts, posting 5 times an hour, can stay active for 8 hours a day.

What does this put us at? For every post that an artist makes with a fully finished piece of art, dream is seeing 100 notifications from stan accounts. This doesn’t even include how dream is more likely to respond to those who interact with his tweets, which is nigh impossible for artists because they cannot make a piece of art to reply to his posts in the ~5 minutes that he will look at the replies to the post he posts. I also made this situation the best possible situation for the artist. In reality, I can only make about one fully finished piece a day, and more often will go two or three days without posting. There are also far more stan accounts than artists, stan accounts are often active for longer than 8 hours and post more than once every 12 minutes. The real ratio might be more like 1 in 200, 300, 400. Just because of the algorithm, artists are pretty dang screwed.

Dream has been making efforts to help with this, such as through the dreamfanart tag! this manages to filter out all of the stan accounts, and when fan artists use it he’s going to be much more likely to see the art. even so, the amount of artists he will actually interact with is very low. it’s just the way the website works, when his notifications are definitely constantly flooded, when artists are so easily drowned out by the literal army of stan accounts on twitter. in the end, it’s really up to artists to hype each other up and support each other. My best advice for if you want more appreciation and interaction are:

1. use the dreamfanart tag! again, this manages to filter out most of the stan account activity, and will help other people to find your art if you’re a relatively new artist

2. self advertise! retweet your own art, reply with your art under people’s posts hyping up artists, dont be afraid to put yourself out there. if you want your voice to be heard in the sound of all these other accounts, you have to be loud!

3. interact with other artists! by helping and hyping up other artists, theyre more likely to do so with you. artists are a pretty small population of dttwt, and we have to support each other to get anywhere. retweet, like, reply to people’s art. follow dttwt artists and support them!

4. love your art for what you’ve already done. this is the hardest part, especially when you put hours into a piece and see it get like, less than 10 likes. i have been there, and it sucks. but your art is Good. you put your time, effort, and heart into that, and regardless of how other people respond, you did good and im proud of you. <3

a last note: i have to admit, i wasn't the most comfortable with all of the dttwt artists bullying and venting their frustrations at dream, specifically, for “ignoring” fan artists. could he have interacted more? definitely. but i dont think he was by any means trying to “ignore” fan artists. his notifications are swamped, his tl is swamped. twitter works in a way where a day or two after you make a piece of art, it’s pretty much buried and lost forever. last night he was just trying to do a good thing by shouting out some small accounts in the community. fan artists, i am a part of you, and i feel your pain and frustration, but please don’t speak out of a place of anger. it’s far too easy to say something, publicly, that you’ll regret. i do not condone any of the hate sent anywhere, especially to fan artists last night, but let’s all remember to be kind and build each other up, ok? We’re all in this together, ccs, stan accounts, fan artists. we’re all doing this because we love the dteam and the content they make. don’t lose sight of why we’re here in the first place <3

again, love you guys so much. take care of yourselves! im proud of all of you, fan artists, fanfic writers, any and all creators, as well as those of you who are just here to express your love for the dteam. be kind and support one another, ok? <3

13 notes · View notes

teruthecreator · 5 years

Note

if you're comfortable, could you say what specifically you hated about the finale? i never got into amnesty but i liked balance so i would like to know how disappointed i should be ://

okay i’m gonna explain this in-detail exactly Once bc i’m trying rlly hard to just forget about the whole epilogue and keep it moving like that shit never happened, so for anyone else who is asking me why i don’t like the finale (and im not saying you’re wrong for asking, anon, it just seems that when you vocally do not like a thing there are hundreds of people who come out of the woodworks to ask you why and i think thats kinda Huh, Weird of everyone but like whatever) i’m gonna lay it all out here on the table and you can take this as you will.

i’m not gonna be getting into fistfights with people abt this so if you disagree please don’t try and banter with me. i am running on

also, CRITICISM OF ART DOES NOT MEAN CRITICISM OF THE ARTIST. I AM NOT CRITICIZING THE MCELROYS AS HUMAN BEINGS, BUT RATHER THEIR ARTISTIC DECISIONS IN TAZ: AMNESTY. MORE PEOPLE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A SEPARATION BETWEEN ART AND ARTIST, AND ONCE YOU (AS AN ARTIST) POST A PIECE, IT BECOMES SUBJECT TO CRITICISM. I AM NOT BRINGING GRIFFIN, JUSTIN, TRAVIS, OR CLINT’S CHARACTERS INTO QUESTION; I AM SIMPLY GIVING A CRITICISM ON THE SHOW THEY’VE CREATED AS A WORK OF ART.

oh, this goes without saying, but i will anyway: SPOILERS FOR AMNESTY (IN GENERAL, BUT ALSO FOR EPISODE 36)

i’m gonna start off by saying, i don’t think the whole episode was a total disaster. there are two things mainly that have ruined the whole experience for me, but for the most part i thought the like first 2 hours of this episode were a lot of fun! the fight scene was a little bogged down in the rolls imo, but it didn’t deter me too much from the overarching boss battle. the intro was a sick concept, i enjoyed the callback bits spliced in w newly scripted bits from mentioned past encounters, that was all well and good. i loved beacon in the episode, and god do i wish he stayed for the whole thing.

my problem mainly sits with the epilogue, which is why i think the whole episode turns sour in my mind. because the epilogue is supposed to be what satiates your desire to know more, right? not to reference balance too much (bc these are two completely different stories w different premises, and for people to so readily compare them is kinda wack. that being said, they are two stories made by the same people that use an epilogue to wrap up the loose ends, so im gonna make this one comparison), but the epilogue told us, the listener, all the things we wanted to know about after the day of story of song. we got to know what they did, a little bit of their interpersonal relationships, and we even got a big group scene with the killarey wedding!

this epilogue, though, feels like it left so much still on the table. one of those things i will swing back to later because it is the largest part of my argument, but after all of this time we still don’t know why everyone at the lodge got exiled! no one talks about it! we don’t know how dani ended up there, or jake, or barclay, or moira, or anyone! they don’t reference the banishments at all, which i think is a huge shortcoming figuring that is the core premise as to why these characters exist in our pc’s world in the first place.

i also feel like the concept of the worlds being divided for a long time is kind of a dumb way to go about framing what they do After The Fact. like, they could have had those scenes happen without the looming concept of them being divided, especially when their big reunion scene is like 2 minutes long and basically does nothing. what would have been a cooler premise is if billy connected the worlds, and the worlds worked together in rebuilding themselves. we still could’ve had the same bits happen (for the most part), but i just think that whole separation bit kinda alienated the pc’s (especially thacker).

but everything up to aubrey’s epilogue bit is fine. i have some problems, but it’s fine. where i started to completely abandon the work itself though is duck’s bit, and i’m gonna get into it by saying this: I know Justin Mcelroy is not legally required to make all of his characters gay, but this whole scene was just a big reminder to me that this show is done by 4 straight white men

and yeah, my big problem with this scene is the fact that justin had to make Duck/Minerva a thing. because it adds nothing to the story while also being a very skeevy concept in-general, and it reduces minerva’s character down to the Hero’s Girlfriend trope and it’s so comphet and she doesn’t deserve it.

my first grievance with this: It adds nothing to the story.

had justin not even mentioned the relationship part of their interaction before the scene actually took place, this scene would be like every other scene involving duck and minerva prior to this. duck says honey once, and even that could’ve been played off as duck just being affectionate to his friends (which is a thing, i call several of my friends “my love” irl and it isn’t a big deal). minerva doesn’t even use pet names, she calls duck by his full name, which is exactly how she addressed him in every other scene! duck’s speech is a genuine heart-puller, but it was completely soured by the fact that justin had to premise this entire scene by saying duck and minerva are a thing.

my second grievance: it’s a skeevy-as-all-hell concept.

this whole premise is nasty seven ways from sunday, and it is my biggest problem with duck’s bit as a whole. for starters, and i think more people need to mention this, minerva meets duck on the night of his 18th birthday. which means duck has literally just stopped being legally considered a minor before minerva appears before him. and honestly, i would still consider duck a minor in this case because he has literally just turned 18!!! his brain has not developed past one of a 17-year-old on the exact date of his birthday, and i argue it will not until he is at least in his twenties. keep in mind, your brain does not stop developing until you are about 25. so while in the legal sense, duck is an adult, in both the mental and emotional sense at that exact moment, duck is still a minor. AND he’s still in high school, as referenced in his response to her call to duty: “i got class tomorrow”. and minerva is old enough to have become the minister of defense for her homeworld, go through an entire war, and have several other chosen ones (including leo tarkesian, who is at least 20 years older than duck) before meeting duck. so that makes her much, much older than duck when she meets him. and i don’t care if they had barely any interaction after that first moment (though they did, as justin legit talks about when he introduces minerva as a concept to the show), that still establishes their initial interaction at a massive age difference. which, regardless of anything, makes their eventual relationship so genuinely messed up.

sure, you can argue that when you get older age doesn’t make that much of a difference, and i would agree. my mother is 53 and her husband is 63, that’s ten years. but my mother and step mother did not meet at 8 and 18, they met at 50 and 60. the initial interaction makes all the difference between “older people meeting and having a relationship” and “a very messed up situation”.

also, in this same argument, taking the mentor-student relationship and turning it into a romantic relationship IS SO MESSED UP!!!! GENUINELY AND HONESTLY MESSED UP!!! i feel like i don’t need to explain this because there have been so many examples already as to why this is a relationship you Should Not turn romantic, but i will anyway because it frustrates me so much that justin completely glosses over this!!! the power dynamic of a mentor-student relationship, in whatever way it is portrayed, displays a power balance that is heavily leaning to one side. there is not an equal distribution of power amongst the two because one person is teaching the other. the one person is weak to the others wills and whims because of lack of experience. think of your high school teacher or college professor; if you started a relationship with them, people would raise so many questions because you are not at equals to the teacher/professor. even if they treat you different, and even if they no longer teach you, it all has to do with the initial interaction. and minerva was still duck’s mentor up until either episode 34 or 35, when she handed off the title of Herald of the Astral Mind to duck. that means for nearly all of their interactions, there was a mentor-student dynamic. to have that turn into a romantic relationship is so sketchy and weird and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

my third grievance: it reduces minerva’s character down to a girlfriend trope, and it’s comphet as hell

my friend tin (@taako–waititi) phrased this so well in the big group chat im in w her, so imma just quote her on this and then go into the comphet stuff:

“i was dming max about it and they also mentioned, quote, ‘her story was never about romance. it reduced her down to ‘competent woman becomes endgame girlfriend’ trope’ and they are so right it makes me fucking pissed. regardless of any ‘mutual respect’ and ‘emotional intimacy’ kind of thing going on that some people are arguing for, it’s something that didn’t need to happen because minerva’s character becomes that. my thing is mutual respect and emotional intimacy between two people can. exist. without it being. romantic. like. friendship is. also valid. i personally don’t think that mutual respect and emotional intimacy are two buttons that you press to make the machine churn out a romance”

not only does it reduce minerva’s character to tropes, but it also is extremely comphet for a woman who is so heavily wlw-coded or lesbian-coded and it just angers me. you could argue that she could be bi, but if we look at canon for just its face-value, the only romantic interaction she ever has is with a man, which basically makes her straight. this isn’t like aubrey’s situation, where travis clearly states she is a bi woman who is just in a relationship with another woman in amnesty. griffin doesn’t state anything about minerva’s sexuality and then she’s paired off with a man right at the end. and you could argue that she isn’t wlw or lesbian-coded, but i am not the only one who is wlw and thinks this, so i feel like i have more of a ground to stand on in this opinion. and this just feels so, like, textbook compulsory heteronormativity it made me feel physically sick when i heard this bit in the podcast.

so that’s my first big issue with the finale, fully explained. my second issue with the epilogue is that ned’s death continues to be disappointing and his character arc is never completed, which just tanks the whole show for me.

i’ve talked about this several times since ep 28 about how ned’s death was stupid and did nothing for his character arc, but i’m gonna reiterate my main points for the people who find this post without knowing my whole blog:

1. ned’s main interpersonal conflicts are just brought to the surface and never fully delved into before his sudden death. ned doesn’t ever get to explain his history with boyd and why he had to steal shade tree to mama or barclay or really anyone besides vaguely to aubrey.

2. every character is just immediately expected to feel sad about ned’s death, despite the tension that still remains right up until the very end. aubrey shouldn’t have even known that the shapeshifter framed ned because that’s all explained once she goes to sylvain, but i think travis just assumed she did because he heard the interaction between ned, mama, and barclay. so she should’ve had Way more conflicting feelings about the whole thing, but ned’s death is just angst-bait so that doesn’t happen.

3. ned’s death doesn’t make roll sense because clint rolled a mixed success and mixed successes, by definition, are supposed to be less severe moves than a failed roll (which gives the gm the ability to make a hard move). there isn’t really anything harder to do to a character than kill them, but even if you wanted to argue that if clint failed the roll the hard move would’ve been ned failing and letting dani get shot, it still doesn’t change the fact that clint rolled a mixed success when slamming into the pizza hut sign at full velocity and came out of that alive (severely injured, naturally, but still alive).

so, yeah, there’s that. and then theres the fact that griffin doesn’t ever give us any other scenes involving ned directly. ned only becomes a reference from 28 on, which is so disappointing given ned’s importance to the other two pcs. and i understand that the mcelroys have a lot of trauma related to death, but griffin shouldn’t have killed ned off then if he did not want to talk about death in graphic detail. we all have trauma. we all want to avoid topics. but to kill ned off and then never talk about his death in great relation to the others is a genuine disservice to ned’s character.

the day episode 28 aired was the same day i buried my grandmother. i would have loved if death wasn’t brought up, but i don’t control the podcast. the mcelroys do; they had the ability to avoid this topic in a more servicing way to the characters and they didn’t. that isn’t to say they are bad people for not doing it, but it makes the finale even more disappointing because it means we never get the full rounding out of ned’s character arc. he becomes this like brief reference that is, once again, angst-bait or emotional fuel and i feel like he didn’t deserve that. he deserved a genuine reference, a genuine moment. even a dream sequence i would have appreciated!!!

griffin had sylvain directly point at ned in aubrey’s flashback in ep 35, and then did nothing about what that could have implicated in the finale. it sours the entire episode in a major way and disappointed me immensely. there should have been more done with that topic and there wasn’t and i will never forget how deeply it hurt me and turned me away from canon as a whole. not to be ned kin on main, but ned was the backbone of this show and the exact moment he left was the exact moment the whole thing went downhill. it turned less into a story about growth and adversary and amnesty and more into a waiting game for when this very loose end was going to get wrapped up.

i wanted to enjoy this episode. i tried so hard, y’all. but just the thought of ned loomed over me the entire time and i was waiting for a more proper completion to his arc, and it never happened. and coupled with that very bad and skeevy duck/minerva bit i was just so frustrated and hurt last night.

so, yeah, that’s my whole spiel. you are free to disagree with me, but keep that opinion to yourself because i’m not getting into it with anyone. i will just block you; it’s better for us both, anyway.

#taz spoilers #taz amnesty spoilers #ignorance cloud on #im not putting this into the main tag bc i dont want people to bitch at me abt that #so if this shows up in theres its bc tumblr has a terrible algorithm

88 notes · View notes

cozyteez · 4 years

Note

Hii, do u have any tips for writing fics?? I’m so used to writing research reports, lab reports, and formal essays that creative writing has become something I really struggle with. I guess it’s having the freedom to write anything and not knowing how to make sure it’s not corny. I tried outlining a fic one time but it was so frustrating LOLOLOL. Anyways, I love your ateez fics. They are so cute and creative!!

hi !!!! im like rlly touched u asked me and i feel u actually that's why i started this blog; im a biomedical engineering major so as u can imagine i dont get to take much creativity with what i write because writing papers and reports and proposals are so formulaic and u gotta stick to the facts so that being said i actually tested out of all my college writing classes so all my writing knowledge is from ap english in hs lmao so take it w many grians of salt

the #1 thing i do when im feeling sort of unmotivated about a story or maybe like like dragging myself thru mud to write it is to just write the "fun" part first. to me the fun part is usually the climax or maybe the like the "wouldn't it be cute if..." moment that came to mind that inspired me to write a blurb in the first place! then usually once i sort of get the ball rolling on that my brain will help me out and keep the momentum going by thinking of maybe "oohh okay maybe this can happen next" or "oohh and what if this led up to it" or !! just stop there !! something ive learned from my mx writing blog which is like a year older than this one was that you don't owe anybody context especially for a blurb so maybe it really is just 3 sentences of a cute moment u thought of like its whatever ur the one writing it

now for longer fics im going to be honest jongho's first love is my first and only completed attempt at a multi stage coherent story. and that was fueled purely based on the fact that when i look at jongho he just gives off sort a really excited sort of innocence that i wanted to further explore and personify through the idea of him experiencing love for the first time but even then i really struggled w the last part because that's where my personal experience stopped and i had basically nothing to go off of because ive never been in love so i did have to kinda wait for ideas to come to me. for prince yunho i have posted 4 chapters but have all the way through chapter 15 drafted. and by drafted i mean it's like 3 sentences of the overall idea. again, the fic was inspired by the duality between yunho's on stage vs. off stage persona where if somebody was to watch an ateez performance for the first time they may find him very serious and maybe even intimidating but atiny would know that his off stage persona (the one he choses to create for us anyways) is very silly and happy-go-lucky and approachable, which is why prince yunho is seen as narameth's strong and stoic pride and joy but in reality he's sort of clumsy but means well. so i let that and his relationship w xenia who is an original character (OC) sort inspire stories or interactions that i force into a plot line. so for example i believe when i first started thinking abt a prince au for yunho i thought "wouldn't it be funny if the first scene started out painting him as this strong and serious man and then cut to him choking on food or something" and that sort of inspired the idea of him being nervous abt the speech and then xenia came out of that because he needed a complementary character imo since i knew he was gonna be kind of one dimensional and then his backstory with xenia inspired other ideas and then one day i was sad and wanted a hug so that inspired a piece of the plot line and so on. so basically: let an idea or even an aspect of somebody come to you and just write it down, let it inspire other ideas. and don't be afriad to completely start over. i wrote a whole chapter for prince yunho and deleted the whole thing because i hated where it was going and started back from scratch. sometimes you have to revisit things abt your characters and their relationships with others to get a new idea. there's a story in every person and every relationship you just have to find the clues

here's an example of what i mean by "write the good part first". this is typically what the very first draft of a blurb will look like for me

((( blah blah blah basically its raining and y/n is sad bc wooyoung broke her heart two weeks ago idk maybe go into it maybe not)))

y/n is all sad and feeling sorry for themselves on the couch theyre past crying but still feel pretty shitty plus it's storming and cold outside. great

there's a knock on their door ofc they have the cliche "who could that be moment" even tho they lowkey know. we literally all know

so yeah wooyoung's there soaked in rain eyes puffy y/n thinks he's been crying

-this would be the "fun part". i'll fix all that garbage up top later or maybe even change it completely idk yet-

"y/n? i - uh. hi"

he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck while you crossed your arms over your chest, fighting the urge to close the door and walk away for good

"hi? really wooyoung? is that the best you can do?"

(((wooyoung does smth idk)))

"well i just -"

"you just what? showed up here in the rain after you broke my heart and didn't even bother to tell me why? this isn't some romance movie, asshole. you can't just come here late at night and expect to find me all sad and willing to take you back because i'm not. so say what you're gonna say so i can get back to my life"

your face was red hot and you trying very hard, probably too hard, to fight back tears. ((( idk talk some more abt y/n's emotions then what wooyoung is doing)))

"look, i made a mistake i-"

"oh my god! why did i know you were gonna do this. i just knew as soon as i saw you-"

"will you let me get a fucking word in!?"

well that was new. in the entire time you'd known him he had never raised his voice at you like that, your shock causing you to immediately close your mouth and fold your arms back into yourself (((make y/n seem more scared))) noticing your reaction, he lowered his voice back down and instictively reached for you, heartbroken at the way you jerked away from his touch

"please y/n, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to raise my voice it's just that i need to tell you that i regret what i did i regret breaking up with you so fucking much and you don't have to take me back i just need you to know how much you meant, no, mean to me. i still love you, a lot. there's not a day, an hour, a minute, or a single second that goes by that i'm not thinking of you"

"then why?"

your voice was small and wavering, your tears now dangerously close to spilling down your cheeks

"why what?"

"why did you break up with me like that, just all of a sudden"

he pushed his hands into his pockets and looked away

"because that morning i woke up before you and when i looked at you asleep next to me, i saw myself spending the rest of my life with you and it scared the shit out of me"

"why did it scare you?"

"because i just figured you didn't feel the same. i was selfish and wanted to save myself heartbreak down the line and so i told you i didn't wanna be with you anymore, but that was a mistake because it turns out i can't function with out you, i can't breathe without you i can't live without you, y/n. i shouldn't have let you go"

tears were now freely flowing down your face (((okay brain no work anymore y/n kisses him duh and then ofc they make up wooyoung prob says smth cheesy and y/n is like ur lucky i love you or smth ahaha the end)))

tl;dr -> don't be afraid to get messy. creative writing is not nearly as structured as academic/scientific writing. write whatever u want first it can even be the middle of a huge fight scene or some dialogue u think is funny. if ur stuck read what you have or maybe just take a break and let an idea come to you. a story doesnt have to come together til the very end so it can be as messy and out of order as u want until u wanna post it. also i would always use the third person omniscient point of view for a longer story like a chaptered fic as a default and only change if it would impact the plot in a negative way. this is where the narrator knows what every character is thinking/feeling and im p sure a teacher in middle school told me it was the easiest to write and follow

#sorry i got carried away #also rmbr how i was like my brain cant stop imagining dramatic and disgusting love confessions in the rain? i meant like that #it's so chessy ik 😔 bleh #amanda talks

12 notes · View notes

notcatherinemorland · 4 years

Text

More Hamlet Thoughts because i leave everything to the 11th hour . production continues to be the 2018 globe w/ Michelle Terry

Hamlet and Ophelia’s uhhhhh fight

Ham’s personality twists into cruel mockery of her at the line ‘Where’s your father’ and OHO the facial expressions

Ophelia kept trying to hold onto Hamlet’s hand and body and curl her fingers around hamlet’s hand and it was very heartbreaking . Hamlet was a ball of chaotic energy who scrabbled her hands off himself. rlly interesting to watch

this turned around with hamlet scrubbing over her face as he presents her to the audience’s 4th wall for the make up lines. and shoves her down to the floor at the end

the physical manipulation hamlet takes out on ophelia is a super interesting segue to the players scene

2 b / x 2 b

ham sat in the middle of the front of the stage and held the hand of an audience member who he talked he speech to. very intimate and closed and really interesting interpretation

im a nerd so i really like the juxtaposition of such a grand and philosophical speech being told on such an intimate and small scale

Hamlet’s still got his smudged clown makeup on

hamlet and horatio come across Very gay in the ‘something too much of this’ line. i vibe

hamlet decimated his friendship with R&G and i LOVED how Horatio held him and then forced him away to give him just a touch more character. this Ht loved R&G as well and i appreciate the bit of character we all try to give horatio

Horatio’s Emotions over R&G’s impending death is a++ give this man some emotional range

OH the ‘if your mind dislike anything, obey it’ can we PLEASE listen to horatio the lone voice of reason within elsinor’s halls

that’s not me being gay, that’s a legit analysis of Hamlet in that everyone in Elsinor has a twisted sense of reality and morality and Horatio as an outsider is immune and must watch in horror

the argument is flawed with R&G but hey it’s not my theory.

THE TRUMPETS . there’s live trumpets

the music they played to signal the half time of the play was wonderfully dissonant and i VIBE WITH THAT that is the ENERGY of Elsinor right there

honestly im annoying and i don’t particularly care for the play scene as an audience member. like academically the play within a play is rife with analysis but like. to just sit and watch it feels like such a halt in the energy

plus i really dislike it when they use gross physical comedy in the dumb-show because again. im annoying

anyway they only do the dumb-show (more tollerable than a lot) and they use drum beats and purcussion in place of lines, and have hamlet explain what’s going on with his lines. it’s certainly different and its a lot quicker than the text is

This Claudius is Prime Smarmy Politicians and is very indignant as he tries to pray and i REALLY LIKE HIM

The scene transitions are .. non existent in this play and i LIKE IT

the lines follow on immediately between scenes as the other characters are leaving the stage

i love how it supports the theme of acting this play has and how it breaks down the barrier for the audience of personal vs private

thats not quite what i want to say uhhhhh. in other productions some of the scenes are really discreet from each other- like how pearl necklaces have stoppers between the pearls- and that’s especially evident in films, but here it’s the opposite and the scenes bleed into each other to create a really fast paced and chaotic energy and i REALLY LIKE IT

‘personal vs private’ is on god my favourite theme in hamlet and the way it works with the audience creating it here is GREAT

Closet scene... OH BOY

this hamlet is CRUEL oml

the ghost enters after hamlet spends 3 minutes berating his mother and she’s crying on the floor by the audience and hamlet immediately stops and starts weeping

‘oh save me’ sounds so small and childlike and it really showcases the love between them

not that kind of love, sigmund fucking freud. get your mind out the gutter

the disdain hamlet has for gertrude absolutely breaks my heart but that’s a me thing because i haven’t been able to see my mother in person for coming up on a month due to quarantine :(

added an extra hug before ham leaves .. v sweet

Claudius comes barreling in and picks up ham’s dropped sword. :eye emoji: doesn’t put it down until Hamlet’s brought in for questioning. but he’s still holding a book (english dictionary presumably?) and this act of holding a sword for 2 scenes WILL be reiterated time and time again in ever hamlet essay i write forever to whatever end i so desire because it’s easy to manipulate to my own purposes. bless this moment

There’s a seagull that keeps interrupting claudius at perhaps the funniest possible moments in his soliloquies and honestly WHERE is it’s Olivier

Ophelia’s madness isn’t as explicit as it is in other versions, but watching her tumble into emotions and lack of restraint is so, so heartbreaking.

this is one of the productions of hamlet that makes a really convincing case for ‘madness’ in elsinor being synonymous to speaking one’s mind and being truthful about one’s heightened emotions and like. i Love that interpretation

lets be real i love 99% of hamlet interpretations

the 1% is freud. fuck that guy

I’m Digging the parallel of Ophelia’s emotional outburts of grief (in madness) to Laertes incensed outburst of grief . ohoho

Laertes gets rosemary and pansies, Claudius gets fennel and columbines, Gertrude gets the rue, Audience member gets the daisy and the thought of violets

unfortunately i once wrote a shite poem about gertrude and weather she know of the poison in the cup at the end and unfortunately that’s all i can think about for the last 40 mins of the play hfdhgjgghjhgj

im annoying so i read along with the play and the duets Claudius and Laertes make of the meter and the word formatting on the page comes across really different on stage, which is super interesting.

not to be really fucking dramatic but i read in the info packet of this play that the pillars on the stage are actually tree trunks carved and painted to look like marble and considering how many times i had to hear the words ‘appearance vs reality’ in my english class, i think im allowed to use the smirk emoji about how the setting of the globe is Integral to Hamlet as a play

i am itching to write an entire 4000 word tirade about the use of the physical body in hamlet because between the actual acting on stage, polonius, ‘one auspicious and one dropping eye’ and all whole host of references made to physical body parts i am going feral

PLUS this one incorporates sign language

i actually hate the word incorporates but needs must

The Ophelia’s death speech is of course wonderful, but i can’t stop thinking about how John Everett Millais made his model (who’s name escapes me in a terrible irony because i got this information from an exhibition about the female pre-raphalites) sit in a cold bath for hours on end whilst he sketched and it made her very ill because the fire went out and she was sat nude in a bath of cold water for hours.

Gravedigger only has the songs and the hamlet interaction, and he wears a high vis jacket. he’s also played by the ghost’s actor, which whilst understandable in such a small cast, amuses me greatly

Hamlet’s got his hair tied back and in a military style jacket, and marches around with Horatio who’s in a hoodie and a black duffle coat (absolutely a student) and the same tight plait. Ham’s definitely meant to be sane now, he speaks very brusquely and all but marches around the stage

Not To Make An Edelgard Reference But edelgard’s cause in 3H was also cemented by a timeskip and a military outfit and a brusque personality hehehe

Hamlet gets into the ‘grave’ to chat to Yorick which, again, i will use in every relevant essay i will write and manipulate this scene to whatever end i desire and on god i thank this production for this

a level me would have gone feral

current me is also going feral

Grave Scene: a terrible one for your family to walk in and ask what the fuck you’re watching

Polonius’ actor plays the priest. yes, capsule wardrobe of a cast, i know but i’m an english student it’s my duty to wring every irrational inch of analysis out of this thing

i won’t trail on about unsubstaniated interpretations of Polonius’ parenting skills and fate in Hamlet but on god i will find an essay about it

i always enjoy it when someone leaps in the grave .. the melodrama... the meaning... the liminal spaces...

the DRAMA of seperating feral laertes and the really calm and imposing hamlet is excellent and a bit hilarious and the camera is going nuts

i’m very aware that everyone is now traipsing about over the grave in the middle of the stage and THAT’S a fun dynamic you don’t get from film or text

ok I’ve just noticed the video has the ‘top chat replay’ going and the very first line i saw is ‘what if hamlet had tiktok’ and i am CRYING

Ophelia’s actor also plays Osric and is a) absolutely hilarious and b) again, capsule wardrobe of a cast will not stop me from analysing everything and anything this play may or may not offer me.

im not saying hamlet is a play about inheritance and the burden of it, but also... isn’t it :eye emoji:

if bloody fire emblem fates can do it so can i, step off

Fencing scene: oh thank god it’s nearly over

The hearts on their fencing get ups parallel Hamlet’s clown outfit with a heart on the sleeve Very Nicely

Gertrude isn’t wearing her headpiece anymore .. ohoho dispelling the trappings and suits of dishonesty, if you will

The duel is a) bloody terrifying because sword fighting and b) judged by Osric (Ophelia) and the poetry of having ham & lae’s duel waged over and judged by Ophelia is absolutely excellent

Claudius’s aside (or to laertes? camera didn’t follow) had no right to be as humorous as it was jdfsghfkd

Gertrude figured out it was poison in this one. Nice

I like the call and response effect of ‘Treachery! Seek it out! / It is here Hamlet’ they made with Hamlet running around they stage to find little propped up Laertes

The dramatic eye contact of Hamlet and Claudius as he forces him to drink the poison.... OH HECK YES

the way they sink to the floor in a pair, with hamlet crawling over his body to make sure he dies... oh LORD

the swing hamlet does with his arm to the audience to cast them as ‘the unsatisfied’ was EXCELLENT and i would like that in every production of hamlet please

the tussle of horatio and hamlet over the cup..... iconic.... and i enjoy the parallel of that to hamlet with claudius as they’re stood in the same corner

The harsh projection of Hamlet’s voice and the blunt manner of his words about Fortinbras’ inheritance of denmark against the soft way Horatio rocks Hamlet back and forth ... i want to CRY

Horatio got to have emotional range in this production .. wonderful

i always enjoy the way the play tails off with politics in a room of dead bodies.. the layers the absolute onions

how none of the drama within the castle has any meaning to anyone outside of it is Excellent

and then the way the prison and enclosure of elsinor is finally broken with military force in parallel to the tumultuous interpersonal relationships within it... i vibe yet more

they actually ended with ‘go bid the soldiers shoot’ which i enjoy a lot!!!! and the music is wonderful

then they all start doing this dance which i think is meant to be about the themes of the play and to be perfectly honest it’s a bit crunchy for me but the music absolutely slaps!!!

final thoughts:

that sure was a hamlet production and i thought it had a lot of heart and did some new things very very well!!!

and i loved the emphasis they put on the costuming!!!!

overall: a solid hamlet. very nice. i greatly enjoyed it!!!!

#hamlet blogging #OH BOY THIS IS LONG THIS IS SO LONG

9 notes · View notes

thewaterisblackwithvenom · 5 years

Text

My initial impression of Kieran was that he was an anxious, weak nerved kiss-up. I mean he doesn’t make any attempt to fight back when Arthur captures him, even if he stands there and does nothing. Dude’s got a gun. Makes zero attempt to go for it. My initial thoughts was he was too cowardly to even fight back, when in reality Arthur was running for him with a lasso. His hands are literally full. Who Arthur is doesn’t really matter; he doesn’t have a weapon drawn and is clearly trying to take him alive. Unless he’s a massively terrible shot, he could’ve easily shot Arthur. Clearly he’s more afraid of what Colm will due to him than just dying(which makes sense, especially with how he went out : )))) ), so it really would’ve been in his best interest to die trying to kill Arthur instead of being captured, most likely killed, and most likely tortured beforehand. Far as I can figure, reasons for just surrendering would’ve been

Fear (logical, but with his biggest fear being whatever Colm would do to him, doesn’t seem as likely, even if he was straight up panicking)

Pacifism (not saying he’s a pacifist, but he’s definitely not a fighter by nature, despite his will to live)

Once he’s captured, he holds out for about a month in sh*t conditions. He breaks once they turn their violent attention to him, but even then he still tried to hold out. The only reason I can think of why he wouldn’t just talk is fear of what Colm would do to him if he made it out alive. If he was scared that the Van Der Lindes would kill him after he talked, he could’ve stayed quiet longer, I guess, though really who could hold out when you’re being threatened with castration lmao.

After the fact, I expect my initial impression to be right. It wasn’t. I mean, I was 100% right about him being a genuinely nice person, not exactly cut out for outlaw life, and not a rat or weaselly person. Things I were wrong about were his general demeanor.

He’s a naturally positive and friendly person. Despite being constantly picked on and flat out threatened, he’ll even greet Sadie(who is probably most likely to kill him in the beginning, let’s be honest) with a level of confidence I didn’t expect. He doesn’t slink around her with his head down, but is 100% aware that she hates him, and I’ve never heard him try to change that. He’ll greet her, but goes out of his way to let her know that “I’m here and realize that you hate me so I’m giving you space”. Anyone else who calls him “O’Driscoll”, he’ll get upset and correct them. Sadie straight up tells him to die and he doesn’t say boo. I love that he is aware of her pain and doesn’t try to change her feelings about him just so he can sleep better at night. He plays the long game; respecting her boundaries, and not giving her any other reasons to hate him, hoping that someday she’ll maybe at least not despise him for just being connected to her enemies in the past. He could b*tch and moan about how he had nothing to do with Jake’s murder; he wasn’t there, he didn’t pull the trigger, and he didn’t want that to happen. He really is innocent. But he leaves that and her the f*ck alone, the only contact he initiates is just general politeness. She makes real threats, and he has ever reason to believe her, but he still has the balls to not cower around her. If anyone else in the gang makes any kind of “O’Driscoll” comment, he gets genuinely irritated and corrects them, even if it’s hopeless. Not just the women, who(save for Sadie and Mrs. Grimshaw) aren’t a threat. But he’ll get upset and snap back at Arthur and Javier that he’s not an O’Driscoll. I don’t believe for a second that Kieran thinks he could beat either of them in a fight. He’s not a fighter, and he’s also not stupid. He’s survived about half his life being beaten around. The reason he’s survived could be luck, but also him knowing how far he can press his luck with very dangerous people. I used to find it amusing in the beginning when he’d snap back, because like. Lmao, you really wanna get upset with Arthur? Seriously? Dude. Don’t go there.

He stands up for himself, and is confident enough in himself to be as bold as to say to Arthur’s face, that he’s not a bad person, and that’ll he’ll warm to him eventually. That also caught me off guard, because I was under the general assumption “god this kid is me. anxious af, doesn’t like people, just likes horses”. I projected far too much lmao, because despite him feeling more comfortable with horses, he’s pretty outgoing, in a confident way. If people are just indifferent to him, he has no problem going out of his way to greet people with confidence. When he’s being bullied, he’s ballsy enough to stand up for himself, and when people are genuinely nice to him, he’ll show signs of being flustered/anxious, likely due to the fact he probably has very little experience with kindness. Whatever kindness he experienced outside family was most likely fake and extremely conditional. He never made any comments about having relationships of any kind with anyone. His life has been about survival. He knows how to not press his luck with the wrong people, knows basic social manners(how to be friendly without being overbearing, how to give people space, and even when he helped Molly out of the stagecoach), but I feel like he has the least experience in healthy relationships. Relationships where someone is actually nice to him. That’s also why I’m 1,000% peeved that we didn’t really get to befriend him. Watching him come out of his shell more was so nice. Save for his massive guilt about Jack(which wasn’t even his fault anyway), he was finally starting to feel like he belonged there. Sh*t hurts man.

I think the thing that caught me most off guard was his level of confidence that you really get to see in his fishing side mission.

Arthur says that he’s(Arthur) not that great a fisherman, and Kieran, not missing a beat, comes back with “But I am! *laughs* I’ll teach you something.”, all of which happens seconds after Kieran is done straight up mocking Arthur’s teasing of him. If I hadn’t spent 5,000 years wandering around camp, and getting to see everyone’s personalities that you’d miss if you flew through story mode, that mission would’ve made my head spin. If your impression of Kieran is “soft scared horse boy”, there’s so much that happens in like, a minute that’d throw you off.

Arthur asks Kieran if he’s going fishing

Kieran, likely caught off guard by someone going out of their way to interact with him in a non-hostile way, says yes

Arthur, incapable of just being nice to him follows up with a threatening tone “... or running back to Colm O’Driscoll?”, bc f*ck this guy actually knowing I’m starting to warm up to him, I have to be a Big Tough Outlaw bc I am a Bad Man

Kieran, irritated and a bit nervous now, snaps back that of course he’s not

Arthur responds by bumping his fist against Kieran’s shoulder/chest, gives an amused chuckle, and responds with “pffft, I’m just joking w/ u lol relax” (I love this interaction because it really shows, at least to me, that Arthur is genuinely starting to like Kieran. instead of continuing along the lines of “watch yourself”, his tone and body language gestures that “I don’t mean it, I’m just messing with you”. Even if he’s still being an *ss, it’s not like his previous interactions. The playful physical contact, non-menacing laugh, and “I’m just kidding w/ u” comment are all friendly gestures. He wouldn’t do any of those if he actually didn’t like Kieran. Arthur’s not a touchy-feely “I’ll fake like I’m your friend so I can slit your throat later” kind of person)

Kieran’s nervousness instantly melts away and he responds with “wow. ur so funny. hah hah. rlly had me goin there. ur hilaaaaarious.” he’s 100% done and just rolls his eyes at this point.

Arthur just goes “shut up”, and I love the way he says it this time bc he’s more like. Offended/irritated that he’s being sassed instead of actually meaning “shut up or else”. He’s all “>:((( shut up brat” and it’s cute lmao.

Not two seconds after Arthur tells Kieran to shut up, he absolutely doesn’t and invites him fishing. Like, a genuine “hey wanna go fishing?” and not like, a “desperate for your approval, please give me more opportunities to prove myself to you”.

Arthur says he’s not a great fisherman, and Kieran responds with “Yeah but I am!”, laughs, and says he can teach Arthur something. I found this part super fascinating, because as someone with severe anxiety, my response would’ve been totally different. I’m confident in a few areas; I know what I’m good at, and what I’d be semi-competent at teaching people, but if someone-- especially someone higher on the social ladder than I am-- said that they weren’t good at something, that I was really good at, I always try and downplay things so as not to make the other person feel like they’re lesser than me. I like to think my art skills are decent, so if that kind of situation came up “I’m not a great artist”, my response would be more like “Heh neither am I, but I know some tricks that have made things a lot easier. I can show them to you!” Kieran straight up told Arthur Morgan that he’s a great fisherman, and could teach Arthur something. Former O’Driscoll, teaching Dutch’s right hand man something. That was a cocky move, even if it’s true. I love that he has the confidence to flat out say that without even backpedaling. Kid knows his worth and isn’t afraid to just blurt it out.

Arthur responds with a friendly “Sure”. Not like an “yeah alright fine”, but more like how he responds to people who considers friends. Come to think of it, other than certain instances where Kieran pushes his luck here, Arthur is friendlier/less hostile and grumpy with Kieran than he is with Sean lmao. Granted, Sean is uhhh, overbearing and obnoxious, but Arthur sees him as a younger sibling, not an ex-O’Driscoll.

On their way to the beach, Kieran brings up past vs present. “who would’ve thought we’d be going fishing together when it wasn’t that long ago that I was tied up on the back of your horse begging for mercy?” He says it with such a light hearted tone like it wasn’t even a big deal. He could’ve died from dehydration/starvation/the cold, and he’s literally like “isn’t life funny?” Don’t know whether to be impressed that it didn’t leave him with serious trauma and resentment or said that maybe he doesn’t see it as that big a deal because he’s had worse. Either way, the way he says it is interesting to me.

Ofc Arthur has to remind him “how do you know I’m not dragging you away from camp to kill you?” bc again, can’t let this kid know I’m actually starting to like him. He Must Know that I am a Big Bad Threat. “..because I saved your life” “ya and every day I don’t kill you I’m saving yours” “you don’t mean that” “yes I do I am Serious so shut it” Kieran knows Arthur well enough that while the threat is still a touch unnerving, he has the guts to point out that he doesn’t mean it. he knows Arthur well at this point, and despite the slight possibility he might actually mean that, he choses to believe it’s just Arthur being... Arthur.

Throughout the trip, Kieran opens up about camp life and his past, and in general Arthur doesn’t have anything that nice to say. Arthur’s genuinely a nice person, but I wouldn’t call him “soft”, so that doesn't’ surprise me. Despite this, he’s not exactly mean to Kieran like he used to be. He’s not remotely sympathetic, but at the same time he wouldn’t be for really anyone else, either. Maybe the women bc women, but. However, towards the end, when Kieran talks about losing his family and being on his own since then, Arthur does comment along the lines of “well, look at it this way, you’ll never be alone again”. I could be misinterpreting it, but I think that’s Arthur’s way of saying “you’re one of us now”. Can’t really say anything nice to him or show sympathy, but “you’ll never be alone again” could’ve been his way of trying to comfort him in an offhand sort of way.

Not what Arthur meant, but I couldn’t help but laugh when Kieran was like “do you think Dutch trusts me now?” me and Arthur both laughed, sad thing is I laughed bc I’m like “yo Dutch don’t even trust Arthur lmaooo, shoot for something actually obtainable Kieran”

This is already five pages longer than I intended it to be lmao, but literally my entire point is that my impression of Kieran had been that he was a soft, nervy person with low self confidence. The way I see it, all the evidence proves that he’s a lot more than a lot of people give him credit for.

He is a sweetheart by nature; I really don’t think there’s a mean bone in his body. He’ll stick up for himself and get irritated, but I can’t think of a single instance where he did or said anything mean-spirited. He’s helpful for the sake of being helpful, and is grateful for any actual kindness shown to him. He grows to genuinely care about the gang’s overall well being, and goes so far as to flat out state he’d give his life for Jack’s if he could, despite Jack being a brat to him in the beginning. But despite the fact that he’s a kind hearted individual, he will stand up for himself, and if the follower glitch dialog is accurate, he will engage in combat if he has to. A lot of his dialog is pretty snarky too, which I thought was interesting. I thought he’d be a lot more jumpy and nervous during a shootout, but again I was wrong. To me all evidence points to his anxiety/nervousness all being circumstantial. It really only presents itself when his safety is actively being threatened, and in foreign situations(people going out of their way to be friendly to him; catches him off guard). So yeah, I think you could technically call him an anxious person and it be somewhat accurate, but he’s not anxious like people today are. His anxiety isn’t “across a broad range of circumstances”, as are anxiety disorders. I think it’s more accurate to say that Kieran is a pretty self confident, moderately outgoing person with a bright personality, despite the sh*t he’s been and still going through. And that’s what I love about him.

I started out feeling bad for him, with a touch of amusement, just for the fact that I really did pity him. He just seemed like such an unfortunate person. I felt really bad having to bring him in, because my general impression was that he’s really not meant for the outlaw life and was probably a nice person. Hated having to bring him in, but having read his bio before playing the game, I was at least relived that his position as part of the gang meant that me bringing him in wasn’t going to result in having to be the cause of his demise. Him being tied up for weeks made me feel really bad since I couldn’t do sh*t to help him out any, because Arthur didn’t give a damn. Poor thing didn’t even have shelter when it rained in 40℉ weather, and didn’t even have his coat on. Once he was free to move around, I was a bit surprised at how confident he was in greeting Arthur. Save for Tilly, in my game, Kieran greets Arthur more than anyone else in camp. Always bright and cheery. Seeing as how I spent most of my time in camp on the outskirts doing chores(see also: avoiding Dutch lmao), running into Kieran a lot was unavoidable, especially because Arthur’s morning routine is cooking breakfast by the campfire. Eeeevery morning, there’s Kieran. Literally can tell what hour it is by where Kieran is and what he’s doing, and vice versa. If it’s 2pm, I know exactly where Kieran is. With how much time I spent at camp, it didn’t take any time at all before I was very familiar with him. I never had any negative feelings or suspicion towards him, but other than our shared fondness for horses, I had no real reason to like him(pity isn’t exactly a reason to like someone after all). But I grew fond of him so quickly ever since dragging him down from Colter, especially after he saved Arthur. He was brave enough to stick up for himself, brave enough to risk his life saving Arthur, and brave enough to state that he’s “one of you now”. He does more than his fair share of chores every day, stays out of everyone’s way, and remains bright and friendly despite his sh*t circumstances. Oh and he loves horses. Those are the reasons I grew attached to him, and still am. I thought he was just 1889 me, but now I realize he’s a lot of what I wish I was. I love his confidence, despite the fact that he has no one backing him up. Ever. I have supportive people backing me, and yet if someone says sh*t to my face it’s going to make me seriously question my worth. Kieran Duffy fights back anxiety, plants his feet and defends himself. I’m f*cking proud of that boy.

Oh my GOD this is embarrassingly long lmao, but I f*cking love Kieran Duffy with all my heart and I feel like so many overlook how strong he actually is. He’s not an ~anxious soft boy~. He’s sweet, and kind, hard working and self reliant, open and honest, confident and snarky, and is just overall such a lovable, wonderful person. He’s not a weak little snitch, nor a skittish people-pleaser. He wants to be liked for who he is, and while he’s always trying to prove himself, he plays the long game and lets that happen naturally. He’s not a boot licker like Micah. I hate that a lot of the gang gave him such constant sh*t, and that despite the fact no one liked him, Micah was treated like “one of the gang”, when he said so much sh*t. Motherf*cker made comments about throwing out the women since they were “dead weight who you can’t even f*ck”, and older “less useful” members like Uncle and Swanson. Meanwhile Kieran works himself to death on a daily basis, but all the Big Men of camp pretty much hold his past over him constantly, despite the fact that he didn’t have a choice, and wasn’t even really part of the gang. It’s just really sh*tty and I hate it lmao.

I’m going to shut up now and pray to GOD this doesn’t make it into the tags or so help me I’ll tag it later lmao.

#seriously I literally just like analyzing things to death if it's something that I'm into #I have a blog so I can scream into the void #not so I have a crowd to preach to #I'm not a content creator!! I am just a loser with a lot of thoughts!! I like to yell about things I love!! and in this case!!#that thing is Kieran Duffy!!#this isn't even good compared to what I usually make but it's been ages so I guess I should be nice to myself #but yeah holy sh*t #I love him sm #he deserves so much better #in game and by people in general lmao #his tag can be such a sh*t show I don't like my stuff showing up there #let me love him in peace #n e ways #Shut up V #Studies #Kieran Duffy #tumblr I swear on me mum don't you throw this into the tags #idc if people read it and like it just to be clear #if that happens cool w/e #I just don't. like throwing things out there/into tags #anything that like. advertises it #I like having that choice #and my emotions towards one of my fav characters #is not something I just wanna throw into the hellhole that's his tag lol #sometimes there's a lot of good stuff in there other times. eck

103 notes · View notes

dreammutual-remade · 6 years

Text

high school!donghyuck

request: idk if you’re taking reqs but i really like ur highscool aus so if u want to write one abt hyuck ill be :^))))))) - anonymous

word count: 5.1k

a/n: oof its been awhile unnies!!!! ive had exams for the past two weeks and I still have exams now so im sorry for not posting anything but reblogs with headassery in the tags!!! we are continuing the high school series n renjun is next!! since I got like 3 requests for him !!!!! hhehhehehheheh its gonna b cute <3 anyways hope u enjoy this I love my lil duckie baby

masterlist

mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, chenle, jisung

big oof i’m gonna cry while writing this

i’m running out of creative ways to say let’s dive in

let us take the plunge

okay!!!!!!!!!! so you’ve been an editor/writer for the school paper for pretty much all of your high school career

you’re not super well known though because you don’t try to take any credit for anything and always sign your pieces like “- the daily newspaper team” or smth

anywhom you’ve always loved writing about the stuff around you or making up little short stories

one of your hobbies is just going people watching and trying to write down a brief description of people you see and what you think they’re on the way to do

you’ve befriended the baristas at your favorite spot, lucas and mark, and they always beg to read them but you never let them because mark is too nice to tell you it’s shit and lucas is too dumb to at least say it nicely

you’ve got at least 6 notebooks FULL of these little stories but you’ve never really ? showed anyone because wow showing others your work is Scary

criticism ???/$&/&:&:&:

it’s midway through the first semester of the school year and you’ve been super busy since it’s football season and you gotta write about all the games

and you haven’t had much time to write your cute little stories for yourself and you miss it a lot :/

this weekend though the chance of rain is SUPER high so the football game is cancelled and you have plenty of time to yourself !! :D

there is, a setback tho

THUNDER!!!!! IS SO SCARY !!!!!!

u fckin softie

you decide to tough it out though and get suited up in some polka dot rain boots and a rain jacket and set off to find somewhere to chill

as you’re walking to the nearest lil greenhouse/cafe thing it starts raining ,, ,,, hARDER

when you started it wasn’t rlly raining it was just like that weird tension in the air right before the air pressure drops and it starts to rain and you were already on edge OOF

but then it’s raining so you clutch your notebook to your chest and dash

usain bolt had nothing on you girly you were ZOOM ZOOM

broom broom- doyoung

unfortunately you don’t make it though because with you head down to keep the rain out of your eyes you run RIGHT into someone’s CHEST !!!!!!

hehe u know i’m a sucker for these god damn TROPES

your notebook goes flying and and the arms attached to the Chest That Caused Your Grief come up to catch you by the arms

“oh gOD sorry are you okay ??? i wasn’t looking and i was trying to keep my journal dr- MY JOURNALSDJDDD”

you fling yourself out of this boys arms and pick up your soaking wet journal sadly

:((((((( you had so many stories in there wtf

“oh shit i’m sorry do you uh want me to buy you another one ???”

“no that’s okay it wasn’t your fault :( and it’s just a journal i’m only sad because all my stories are gone :(((((“

you finally look up from your Ruined journal to see , the prettiest boy

you can’t tell for sure cause his hair is soaking wet but it’s a bright red that looks a bit faded and his skin is tanned and golden like HONEY OOF

he meets your eyes and awkwardly smiles and he looks so GUILTY AW

“no really it’s fine don’t feel bad!!”

“okay but i feel bad what can i do to make it up to you?”

“hMMM you could come help me think of wacky stories about people who walk past”

“well if you INSIST m’lady”

“aw, never mind”

“IM JUST KIDDING SJDJJD”

so in the pouring rain you both walk to cafe and find a little corner to people-watch in

on the way there he tells you his name is donghyuck but his friends call him hyuck

“dude that’s the sound goofy makes when he laughs your friends are terrible”

“oh my god i don’t even think they know what they’re saying HsjdjHEHHS”

after a couple minutes of bad goofy impressions you decide to call him duckie instead because ,,,, GARSH MICKEY 🤠🤠🤠

also because it’s cute

you didn’t hear this from me but he uwued so hard rip his street cred with the Boys

anyways right before you settle in you’re like hey uh did you have somewhere to be like weren’t you heading places

and he was like nah i like the rain it’s nice to just walk around feels GOOD

your eyes widen so big and he snorts because what’s so ridiculous about that

and you’re like uh UH NO NOPE NO SIR I DONT FUCK WITH DEMONS

your dramatic ass tries to get up and LEAVE but he grabs your wrist and is like noooo we haven’t even written any stories yet why do you hate rain so much ??

you explain how thunder is the work of the devil and that lightning could strike you down where you stand at any moment and storms are EVIL

he chuckles and side eyes you

“aW you big wimp you’re afraid of thunderstorms aren’t you”

��yES. like any sane person would be”

“you know a lot of people actually like storms”

“like i said, SANE people do not”

and then you change the subject right quick because your face is getting RED with embarrassment

you n donghyuck spend like 2 hours just sitting in the corner and writing little scenarios on napkins

“oh shit that girl over there with the french braids is TOTALLY gonna marry hipster beanie guy in two years. mark my words”

“idk y/n she lowkey has the hots for the barista”

“ ew you mean mark??”

“yeah. now THAT man is a work of art”

MARKHYUCK RISE

“god what is wrong with you maybe you should buy me another book”

“too late now we’re FRIENDS and i don’t owe you ANYTHING”

“being friends doesn’t work like that at all but, okay”

at the end of the day you’ve got a stack of napkins with scribbled notes on them

(one of them has donghyuck’s number on it skdkkfjd)

he leaves you with a bright smile and you’re in awe this boy is so golden and lovely

oof and when you were still in the cafe his hair had dried to the unnatural red color that he ? somehow made look good ugh not fAIR

and it was a lil curly and fluffy and looked very soft :(((((

as you walk home you drift along the sidewalk with a stupid smile on your face wow please get a little less obvious hunty

when you get home the sun is setting and the rain has cleared and you are so Happy that was the best day !!!

you weren’t even scared of the thunder because whenever the sky would fckin CRACK OPEN hyuck would subtly try to keep your attention and distract you with questions

the sky: AAAAAAAAAAA

duckie: oH Hey uhhh so hOW do you even come up these stories ?):$:$ theyre so good

such a sweet boy uwu

when you get home your mom eyes you suspiciously as you drift down the hall towards your room but doesn’t comment

she didn’t need to though because you immediately return and tell her everything !!!

she encourages you to befriend him at school and see where it goes from there ;))) or just TEXT HIM

so you do

both of those things !!!

you: hey!! it’s y/n btw

duckie: hey! u make it home alive without the sky cracking open and killing u

you: stOP MAKING FUN OF ME

you send him memes and he sends , even better ones back this boy is Husband Material

the next couple weeks you realize that hyuck is actually in like a lot of your classes

and he’s like yeah i don’t blame you for not noticing since your nose is always in one of those Damn Journals

can’t believe u smh

anywhom

you start actually interacting with people in class

and by people i mean donghyuck and any of his friends who happen to be there

you literally get thrown into their friendgroup like one day you know donghyuck and have vaguely heard of jeno since he’s on the soccer team

and then the next you’re a part of the group message and jaemin begs for your math homework during lunch ????

“jaemin just dO YOUR OWN HOMEWORK FOR ONCE ???”

“ugh but i don’t know how”

“hey you know what maybe if you didn’t sleep in class you WOULD”

“IM TIRED GOD DAMN IT”

this is usually when duckie interjects with

“hey now girls, you’re both smart <3”

“i know im smart but , jaemin , i don’t know about him 😔😔”

poor jaemin leave him alone :(

jisung is , extREMELY awkward around you because he’s a Baby Freshman and you’re a Female Senior hsjdjf it’s so cute

and chenle is the complete opposite he IMMEDIATELY latches onto you and is always like

“y/n !!!! wanna watch this video of me singing and playing the piano when i was thirteen on live national television !!!!”

“y/N !!!!!!! can you drive me n jisung to get ice cream plEASE !!! we won’t even play PSY this time”

“okay,,,,, pinky promise?”

his pinky hooks around yours at an incredible speed as he jumps up and down with excitement

“pinky promise !!!!!!!!!!”

hyuck overhears and insists upon coming with for , unknown reasons

renjun and jeno keep snickering to each other across the lunch table too uGH

sneaky bastards !

after school you wait in the parking lot for the Babies with hyuck who looks rather flushed considering his skin is pretty tan and it takes a lot for him to visibly blush ??

“hey duckie boy you good?”

“haha yEAH uh just wondering where the boys are hhhh”

“oh yeah ! they should’ve been here like 10 mins ago”

your phone buzzes in your pocket and you go to check it to see a text in the group message

lele: hey y/n~ me n jisung can’t come we totally forgot we joined a frisbee team and there’s practice today !!!

blueberry: yeah ! have fun w/ hyuckie tho

moominluvr96: sjdjd i’m so proud of them

jenomunomunomu: absolute legends have fun at ur frisbee practice my sons

you: 🅱️ro i wanted to go home and SLEEP

blueberry: sorry ! xoxo :*

duckie: chenle my son ? how could you 🅱️etray me this way???

you: ur dead to me

you: literally what’s a chenle ?? sounds like a poisonous fruit

lele: NO IM SORRY

but tbh you’re just being Silly you don’t mind just going with Sunshine Boy

hyuck has only gotten redder as the texting went on though what’s his deal 0.0

you agree to take his car !

actually you insist because you don’t wanna drive but, let’s say you agreed

you find out that hyuck exclusively listens to hipster bands and the occasional troye sivan song because we love a gay legend

actually his music taste is ALL OVER THE PLACE but we r still boppin ladies

you roll the windows down even tho it’s Chilly and let your hand float in the breeze until your fingers start getting numb and you pull your hand back in and roll up the window

okay maybe that was a Bad Idea your fingers almost hurt they’re so cold and you’re rubbing the feeling back into them when hyuck clears his throat

you look up at him and he tilts his chin toward the hand he stretched toward you

you’re confused bc like ? i don’t have anything to give u duckie

he sighs anxiously

“just. give me your hand. mine are warm because i didn’t try to be cool and stick my hand out the window like this is a teen coming of age movie”

“have you ever just been nice and not followed it up with a weirdly specific insult”

“nope. now gimme”

you cautiously placed your hand in his and felt heat bloom all over your cheeks and trail up to your ears and down your neck

he gulps and interlocks your fingers and tucks them in the pocket of his hoodie

you have to lean against the console in between you a little so that your arm isn’t strained but it’s,,,,, Warm and Nice

you’re quick to continue the conversation like normal but your voice sometimes goes in and out since he is subconsciously rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand or tapping his fingers against yours

when you arrive you awkwardly pull your hand from his grip to get out of the car and he cringes a lil :(

you decide to be bold for once in your life and run around the car to catch up with him and shove your other hand into his

“this one’s cold too”

he ducks his head and smiles but gives your hand a lil squeeze :3 uwu

eventually though you do have to let go and enjoy your ice cream

you just make small talk with him about the newspaper and whatever homework is due the next day when a man walks in wearing BRIGHT RED CLOWN SHOES

the weirdest part though is the fact that other than the clown shoes the man is dressed like a body builder and has the hulking mass of one

and also there is a PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER ???

you and hyuck whip to face each other and then look back at the man

without looking away you slide your notebook to the middle of the table and flip open to where you’ve bookmarked the next available page

needless to say you both have a field day making up storylines for this man

“hey hyuckie i missed this it’s been forever since it’s been just the two of us and my journal”

“me too, sunshine”

“heY now you’re the sunshine in this relationship”

both of you choke at your use of the term “relationship” but continue with the conversation JSKSK

“alright but then you have to be the rain”

“aw you know i don’t like the rain”

“yes i know that’s why YOU are sunshine”

“kay but you are so much more like sunshine than i, an Emo”

“how bout i be sunshine since you like sunshine and me, and you be rain since i like rain and you”

OOF ????????

you blush for the Millionth Time and nod shyly and duckie is about to turn purple YIKES

you leave the ice cream shop and climb back in the car and the whole atmosphere is very Tense

you sigh because you miss holding his hand and then turn up the song on the radio which just happens to be, Walkin On Sunshine

THE !!! IRONY !!!

you giggle into your hand and he snorts and you both break into laughter

you plug your phone into the aux

“alright time for some Real Tunes”

“i swear to GOD if you play Bad Boy one more time i’m gonna LOSE IT”

“fuck you red velvet are LEGENDS”

“the only reason you know who they are is because mark tells everyone with a pulse that one of them is from canada just like him”

“okay and ??? i can still appreciate that they produce iconic songs only”

“LISTEN I LOVE RED VELVET TOO BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH”

you playfully bicker the whole way back and when you get back to the school to pick up your car you realize you never even got to play your song

“for your information, i was in fact NOT going to play bad boy i was going to play the bop of the century, what is love by twice”

and then, with heavy sarcasm

“well gee why didn’t you just sAY SO”

“IM SICK OF YOUR GIRL GROUP SLANDER LEE DONGHYUCK”

then he giggles and grabs your hand to keep you from getting more than halfway out of the car

“okay okay you know i’m just messing with you”

“yes but leave my gorls out of it”

he releases your hand with fake disgust and wipes it on the passenger seat headrest

“ugh go home, gru”

“it’s a good meme and you can’t even deny it duckie boy”

you blow him a half serious half playful kiss as you bounce over to your car and climb in

you play bad boy and roll the windows down as you drive by his car just to spite him and he laughs good naturedly

it’s only when you get home that you’re like heyyyy nOW

WAS THAT A DATE ??????

you tell your mom about it and she’s like uHHH sounds like a DATE to me ???

but you’re Unsure so you don’t say anything to the others or hyuck just the usual goodnight texts and whatnot

although it could be argued ,, that goodnight texts are a little, relationship-y

it could also be argued , that you do have his contact name as , duckie☼♥

but those can be discussed another time

you continue to hang out with the boys although you refuse to allow them to sit with you at football games because they’re so DISTRACTING

jeno and jisung just fckin yell the whole time while you try to jot notes down to turn it into a story later for the paper

but you can’t concentrate or even figure out wtf is goin on because they’re scREAMING and jumping and messing you uP !

so you sent them elsewhere although,,, hyuck stayed with you

he always does “just in case you get cold or smth”

ur not fooling anyone hyuckie baby

and would you look at that time has FLOWN and it’s time for homecoming !!!!

you plan on going in a big group with hyuck and all The Boys and jaemin has even scored a date !!!

it was highkey through trickery but that’s okay

chenle and jisung are gonna wear matching shirts because they’re headass like that

you’ve already bought a dress and you haven’t ….. shown hyuckie……. just in case……… he asks you

since he…… hasn’t …… YET

renjun keeps assuring you that you don’t need to find a date and that everything is covered but ???? inch resting how duckie has done nOT ONE THING

alright the day of the dance you wake up feeling a little off but go through your normal saturday routine of eating a waffle and absentmindedly watching old gossip girl reruns

but later in the day you feel SHITTY

you’re flushed and your head hurts and it takes so much EFFORT just to get up and get a glass of water

you , comrade, are sick :-(

you text in the gm to let your boys know you can’t come

chenle thinks you’re faking until he calls and hears you sniffling and how rough your voice sounds

“hEY THOT I KNOW UR FAKING BC U DONT HAVE A DATE”

“chenle if it didn’t hurt to speak i would yell at u but my eyes are watering please just text me”

“oh,,,,sorry love u”

and then he hangs up real fast lmao

so you decide to just wallow in despair in your bed and rent overpriced movies on demand

there’s a half drank mug of tea that has long gone cold that contains the medicine you’re supposed to be taking but,, you can’t be bothered tbh lifting your hand is so hard

after a few movies and the sun setting there’s knock at the door ???

you barely hear it since you’re in your room with the door closed but /sigh/ you gotta go answer

you drag yourself out of bed and stumble to the front door and open it, immediately slumping against the frame

this whole time you have still not opened your eyes because light hurts a lil and you know your house well enough

in hindsight that was probably dumb considering you don’t know who’s at the door

you try to open your eyes but they only turn half lidded and droopy so you can just barely make out donghyuck looking Concerned on your front porch

“duckie? what are u doing here?”

“uhhh i uh came to take you to homecoming ??”

he then holds up some flowers and smiles awkwardly

“duckie. baby. sunshine. did u not read the texts i sent ? also it is VERY late to be asking me to homecoming. also, i am a little high on cold medication”

“srry princess, can i come in? you look like you need company and soup and possibly some Sarcastic Banter”

“sounds good duck”

“okay duckie was already incorrect please don’t shorten it to duck”

“you know i didn’t have to let you in”

“so what kind of soup do you want? :-)”

he busies himself attempting to make soup while you have melted into a chair at the dining table with one eye cracked open to watch him

he is very obviously Struggling so you wobble to your feet to stand behind him at the stove and maybe lean a little too much into his back to prop your chin up on his shoulder and reach a hand around him to turn the heat down on the stove

you’ve reached the point of I Don’t Give A Shit and have given up on trying not to be affectionate with him you’re too tired and sickly to restrain yourself and his heart is just steadily beating faster and faster

after your soup you drag him into your bedroom to force him to provide you warmth while watching another movie

but he digs his heels into the floor and tugs on your hand to turn you around

“since you’re missing homecoming….. wanna dance?”

“in my bedroom. while i’m dying. with no music.”

“i’ll take care of the music. cmon don’t be difficult”

“i’m not being difficult i’m just-

you’re cut off by him pressing a finger to your lips and going shhhhhh

you open your mouth to curse him out bc hOW DARE HE

but then he gently pulls you by the waist into his chest and does his best to tuck you under his chin

you’re too comfortable like this so you don’t bother admonishing him for earlier and just settle into his embrace

you loop your arms around his neck as he starts to sway you back and forth

after a couple seconds he starts humming, quietly at first and then louder

and then he starts singing and it’s so sO SWEET AND SOFT

you can feel each breath he takes under your hands and the vibrating of his vocal chords against your forehead and you just close your eyes and press closer to him

you’ve literally never been this content in your whole life binch

he is so warm and ever so often smooths a hand up and down your spine whenever you shiver a little or shift in his arms

when the song finishes you keep swaying with him a little while longer

you’re leaning against him so hard that like the majority of your weight is on him yikes

“babe are you asleep”

“mm”

“no?”

“mmm”

“pretty close though?”

“hm”

“alright”

he chuckles and presses a barely there kiss to the top of your head and sort of waddles the two of you over to the bed

you don’t even have to ask him to climb in with you that was The Plan, Stan

(that’s a saying and also i’m calling u a stan wow queen of puns)

as soon as he settles in you tuck yourself under his arm and throw an arm over him to play with the fingers of his other hand

you’ve got the breakfast club on and it’s Real Nap Hours

hyuck’s arm falls asleep pretty soon tho so instead you switch to laying on your sides facing each other with your face pressed into his neck and your arms draped over each other

right before you fade into unconciousness, he tilts his chin down and nudges his nose against yours to get your attention

your eyes flutter open and you look up at him while he smiles gently down at your sleepy expression aWE ???

“hey wanna be my date when you’re not on your death bed?”

“god, what a romantic. is that a shakespeare quote?”

“shut up and say yes”

“alright fine”

“with more enthusiasm!”

“YES!! GOD DAMN IT”

he shakes his head but then leans down to press a lingering kiss against your cheek before tucking you back against him and evening out his breathing

you fall asleep and dream of boys with beautiful voices who love to dance in the rain

a couple hours later you wake up to a forehead smooch and your Boy whispering bye angel

you sit up and whine and he’s like bby i have to go it’s like midnight n my momma wants me home :(((

you pout and he giggles and taps your lips with his index finger

“go back to sleep and i’ll text you something nice to wake up to yeah?”

you nod and grab his hand to kiss it before flopping back down and passing The Fuck Out

the next morning you wake up still feeling a bit shitty but smiling anyways bc you’ve scored the cutest boy in the universe uwu

he even kept his promise and left you a cute message to wake up to ;((((

duckie☼♥: good morning bbg i hope ur feeling better today and that the sun shines all day for u !!!

you: JEKDKDJ DUCKIE IM STILL SICK BUT TAKE ME ON A DATE RN

you: 💗💗💗💕💌💞💞💗😤💖🤧😔💗😔🤧😔🌺💐🌺🌺🌸💐😔💛😔💛💐🤧💐💐💖💖

duckie☼♥: noooo ur gross

you: you ruined it :(((

duckie☼♥: i mean noooo u gotta get better

you: okay :)))

you finally get over your cold like 4 days later and insist you’re fine to be Taken Out And Treated Like A Princess

he tells you to dress warm except gloves bc he wants to hold youR HAND CAN YOU BELIEVE

you’re weirdly not nervous ? like you thought you would be but you’re just excited and very happy !!!! uwu

he picks you up about an hour after school and reveals that he’s gonna take you to all the cafes in town to people watch and write stories which is !!! your favorite activity !!!!!!

“is it lame??? oh god you think it’s lame i’m so sORRY”

“nO!!! no i love it you did good”

“are you sure?”

“yes duckie”

“okay good i mean i knew you’d like it”

“but you just-“

“hm?”

“,,,,, nevermind”

you both hike around town until it gets late and you’re tired and you end up on a bench in the local park with his head in your lap and your fingers in his hair

you lightly scratch his scalp and hum and he practically PURRS like a cat

(furry ????? it’s more likely than you think)

his eyes are closed and you trace your fingers over his features lightly until it tickles and he scrunches up his nose aw bABY !!!!!

then, without opening his eyes

“so when are you gonna man up and kiss me?”

“first of all, i will never man up i prefer being female thanks. sECOND WHY DO I GOTTA DO IT”

“i asked you on the date !!! you gotta do something!!!”

“i held your hand first!!”

“after i literally offered my hand to you”

“uGH fine come here”

“no i’m not gonna ‘come here’ you literally just made a disgusted noise at the thought of kissing me”

“it wasn’t at the thought of kissing you it was just at you”

“this isn’t helping at all”

you roll your eyes playfully and then yank him up by the collar of his shirt to press your forehead against his

“does this help?”

aND THEN YOU LAY ONE ON HIM ??????:$&:&;&;

QUEEN OF CONFIDENCE

he sighs against your lips and sits up a little more so he can reach you better, smoothing a hand up to cup the side of your jaw and neck

you pull away and his eyes are still closed

“hmmm,,, yeah”

you scoff and drop him back to half laying on your lap

“you’re such a dork”

“yeah but i’m your dork now so it’s embarrassing for both of us”

“aw i wouldn’t have it any other way <333”

“is it just me or was that sarcasm”

“just you <3333”

renjun, who has been rOOTING FOR YOU GUYS THIS ENTIRE TIME

screams when you call him that night lol

literally SCREECHES

chenle happens to be with him and screeches eVEN LOUDER

basically the whole group screams simultaneously they’ve been shipping it since day one

hyuck is a bit prideful so when you guys are out in public he’s not super affectionate but ,, when you’re not out

he’s wrapped around you like a koala and will never let go

you have to go pee? hold it

you’re dehydrated and dying? you can live off of his Love

your favorite activity to do together is BAKING because it never goes well no matter how hard you try

and although it usually ends in DISASTER it’s also a good time and afterwards duckie lets you curl up between his legs on the couch and nap uwu !

dating really didn’t change the dynamic between you two other than affection you still read each other to DUST on the regular lmao

no one gets too harsh tho bc you love each other and whatnot

ugh love ruins all the FUN doesnt it :/

donghyuck makes it his business to know exactly when it will rain and makes sure to be with you when it does

at the first sight of clouds he is in your house with board games and movies and snuggles to distract you !!! what a sweetheart

on days when it’s really bad you just climb into bed and bury your face in his chest while he talks about whatever comes to mind and distracts you

he also takes to slumping down and falling asleep on your shoulder whenever you have movie nights together and it’s so CUTE

his little heart shaped lips and his cheeks always end up smushed and he just looks adorable wow rip you

he’s obsessed with your cheeks he loves to cup your face while he talks to you and press gentle kisses to them during Sleepy Time or when you part ways in the school hallways

if he’s excited he’ll bound up behind you and wrap his arms around you and kiss your cheek real hard and then start babbling about whatever’s got him so worked up

basically, hyuckie is a boy full of sunshine and passion and sarcasm and he’s the best boyfriend you could ever ask for :’-)

503 notes · View notes

beverlyr0ad · 6 years

Text

crimes of grindelwald thoughts

alright obvious spoilers not that it matters bc i have one follower lmao but !! i need somewhere to scream abt this movie

first of all i love jacob and newt so much. best parts of this movie honestly i love them and i want them to be happy

but to be fair i actually rlly rlly enjoyed watching this movie!! like,, there are a looot of things i dont understand about it and i have no idea how they happened or why theyre happening but thats Okay i would still recommend everyone watch it! its so good!!!

good things:

- grindelwald !! i mean,, no hes not a good thing but i really liked how they wrote his character. like i can UNDERSTAND the power he has over people and how hes manipulating them. hes really not just a Voldemort 2.0 and i respect that a lot bc thats not what an entirely different villain should be like. but casting issues and all aside i really liked this

- i also liked the interaction between leta lestrange and dumbledore that was some good stuff and the actors were rlly good too !!! - i like the direction queenie is going in. i mean i dont actually of course but it seems realistic and i think its important and its good character development n stuff so hhh hope that works out later tho !! i am Suspense

- jacob walked into that movie and i was like !!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD i love him so much and it was rlly nice to see him back even if i dont think it was that neat to have him lose his memory of everything that happened for significance and in this movie have everything go like WHOOMP hes back but i uhhhh loved it anyway so this is not a complaint its a good thing - i still loved newt and having a good main character makes the whole movie a better watch in general. ive seen sequels where i just Cant get attatched to the new characters but wow i didnt really have much of a problem with that here

- it was also never boring and i really just loved n enjoyed this movie a lot!!! okay hhh bad things/things that i personally disliked:

- ive seen different opinions on this but??? what was that blood pact????? what are u doing??????????????? i cant even be coherent properly so here are the main reasons that was rlly dumb

1- w-who does that in a romantic relationship ever :o and yes jkr has literally said dumbledore n grindelwald were in LOVE HELLO feel free to correct me if im wrong on anything but if ur gonna say it u should show it,,,, Continuity Please. anyway separate issue but if u love someone youre not gonna be like “hey lets make SURE we dont fight each other ever” because youll trust that the other person?? isnt gonna fight u???!!!???? im

2- thats literally not the reason he “cannot move against grindelwald” okay like it shouldnt be. this conversation literally happens in dh and dumbledore says he was scared of facing what rlly happened when ariana died!! there was no actual physical thing stopping him!!! the only acceptable justification is that he doesnt want to face this ghosts of his past and that moment and he is SCARED okay so COME ON give dumbledore his faults! hes scared of his past and that IS the reason!!

3- wait how did grindelwald, aberforth, and albus fight if they had already entered a blood pact. like i dont think albus would aim for his own brother EVER but could he even attack grindelwald if they had a blood pact?? not sure how this works lol but who was he aiming for then??? just firing everywhere randomly without intention cause that sounds,,, significantly harder to believe and makes that scene loads messier esp if grindelwald couldnt aim for albus either so

4- the blood pact was so frickin unnecessary im sobbing. like there was the scene where its all like “oh some say you were as close as brothers” and dumbledore is like “oh we were closer than brothers...” and im like OK! the little scene in the air doesnt explicitly reveal anything either so thats ok but the closer than brothers line was rlly revealing for me. at least for like two minutes and then dumbledore looked in the mirror and saw himself making a blood pact w grindelwald. like ok is That what u meant by closer than brothers bc thats what everythings pointing to but it shouldnt be and i.............ugh

5- im honestly just kind of hhhhhhhhhhhh. i can concede that the blood pact might be significant in later films and i look forward to watching them! but. at the same time i. wish that if you were going to say dumbledore was gay it would actually be explicitly referenced in the movie, instead of dancing around that and dropping it in hints and pieces that fans of the series who know this information will understand and others can just dismiss as friendship! there were So Many good places in this movie to include this fact (altho feel free to disagree w me haha) and i think that not including this fact was honestly tiring.

- nagini...........obv this isnt a huge problem bc idk where her story will go next n it might develop n become important but as of rn, i have no idea what her role in this movie is. i wonder if her reappearance in the harry potter series will actually be of significance and if itll be explained how she will end up under servitude to voldemort bc i genuinely dont understand right now. it just seems like a cameo to draw attention in the trailer ghgdjh

- leta lestrange’s death didnt feel right or impactful and im sad . definitely a huge opinion here but it felt like a mandatory character snuff to make the movie sad and ghdsjgfh oh well :(

- little continuity issues?? dumbledore being DADA professor instead of transfiguration bc Boggarts Are Important For Foreshadowing. also how is mcgonagall an adult or actually how is she even alive and um of course the fact that this movie doesnt confirm what jkr has said about dumbledore and grindelwald beforehand.

- im actually going to totally repeat myself bc this deserves a separate point umm why arent dumbledore and grindelwald actually shown as in love with each other as young men. its completely relevant to the movie and its not hard to put it in there instead of the bLOOD PACT (ask anyone irl ive been screaming abt the blood pact ever since i came out of that movie). anyway i know david yates said he wouldnt be including that as part of the movie as fans are aware of that aNyway but its not that hard to understand. people are asking for actual representation?? not smt vague??? because this is just here to Please People. if u refuse to see this ship, ure just gonna see them as having a friendship! maybe u havent heard about what jkr said or maybe ure choosing to ignore it bc,, idk that says smt about u, or maybe another reason idk! but if u go into this knowing they were In Love and hoping to see confirmation of dumbledore being canonically gay, youre going to hear that “oh, we were more than brothers” line and be like oh yeah we been knew, or more seriously like hey! maybe we’re getting a canon confirmation, not just floaty young people leaning towards each other! like when he looked in the mirror i was like okay This Is It this is gna be confirmation but then it wasnt oop. it was the !!! bloooood paaact !!! which means that people could interpret the “closer than brothers” line as meaning oh we done did a blood pact that means we blood related look at us go! Wow! so this is basically just a half azzed attempt at pleasing people w stereotypical viewpoints and people happy to see representation. hmmmmmmmmmm.. (psst if u actually ship older dumbledore n grindelwald tho What Are You Doing Stop !! thats not a healthy relationship, grindelwald is an awful person and dumbledore deserves to grow from the person he was before!!! he deserves so much better!!! im not saying to ship them but im saying that if we’re gonna say they were in love as young men and if we are going to confirm that dumbledore is gay well,,, lets put that in canon pls!!!! we need canon representation but we dont need to pretend this ship is healthy or good bc its representation either. this isnt shipping this is asking to acknowledge that dumbledore was gay and in love with grindelwald and its confirmed that grindelwald was in love with him too. in the place the story of tcog is now, that relationship is not ever going to happen again and if u actually think it is ure suffering from some next-level delusion. just be definitive and acknowledge that your characters are LGBT tho pls!! u said they were!!! actually i would be so much happier to see a Happy And Healthy LGBT Pairing can we have that? please?)

- big spoiler but hOW IS CREDENCE ALBUS’ BROTHER WHAT IS HAPPENING DKFJDKSH i need to separate my thoughts again

1- AGE DIFFERENCE........apparently dumbledore is like 46 in this movie right?? credence doesnt look over 20. okay percival dumbledore is put in azkaban before albus starts school right?? so the maximum age albus can be is 11. now im gonna say that kendra was not having any more kids w anyone else after that incident fs so the oldest albus can be when ariana is born is 12, leaving room for some other stuff okay. ALBUS AND CREDENCE DONT LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A 12 YEAR AGE GAP WHAT IS HAPPENINF

2- i saw people theorizing that credence is ariana’s son and NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLS NO

3- not an actual issue but i thought grindelwald said his name was berrylius dumbledore which i later remembered as berrylium dumbledore and anyway thank god for the internet

4- okay at this point i cant tell if this has just been brought in for shock value or smt like. is this relevant to the plot. is grindelwald even telling the truth. w-why did the movie end there. help....... i think thats it but i do want to say that i respect the rights of the creator jkr to do whatever she wants w these characters. its her world! but i can have a whole bunch of opinions n feelings about this movie and still support it. after all, i love harry potter and the whole wizarding world w my whole heart.

did anyone even read that LOOOL that was so long sorry

#feel free to disagree w me tho #im completely open to hear other opinions #and mine are subject to change anyway #i used so much !!!!! in this sorry #crimes of grindelwald #harry potter #hp #fbawtft #fantastic beasts #tcog #tcog spoilers #crimes of grindelwald spoilers #spoilers #hp spoilers #fantastic beasts spoilers #tcog opinions #crimes of grindelwald opinions

7 notes · View notes

kadywicker · 6 years

Text

inifnity war spoilers ahead please leave now if u dont wanna see em

.....

............

....

.....

you had WARNING

anyway heres a rough outline of my thought process thru the movie from what i can remember

a dude walked in wearing a justice league shirt and it was the biggest power move of the evening

rip heimdall u truly were the hottest bitch in the mcu

i already saw the spoilers that loki died but im still in mourning. my chaotic twink son :( also him tearing up when thor was getting tortured was like, possibly, one of the worst things to happen to me this evening. and his “you will never be a god” and “we will see the sun rise again yet, brother” like i’d rather be dead.

wheres valkyrie you fucking bitches

i know marvel has been trying to make me care about pepper and tony for like.... the entirety of the mcu and in theory i enjoy it but in reality i just heavily do not care

walked into this w out watching dr strange bc i refuse to so seeing him was very unpleasant for me :/

the second that one fuckin... servant of thanos guy showed up that tony called squidward i just burst into fucking laughter bc oh my fucking god. he looks like one of the star wars prequels aliens. i didnt know how i was supposed to react to that??? what the fuck????? kin?

at least this time tony attempted to get peter away from the fight ig??? also like okay i kno its a running gag but did the russos have to make peter reference old movies like what 3 times in this movie and once in their last one like please..... Please. its done. its over!

look...... look. look! look. i have made MULTIPLE posts on this website about how ugly i think chris evans is. especially when hes got his weird short, spiky hair. ive made this very VERY clear. i thought i was clear on this, myself. but let me tell u the fuck what when steven grant rogers showed up covered in complete darkness and caught a spear that moves at the speed of light w no hesitation and then stepped out of the shadows i only had one thought: please raw me

also i still dont care about wanda and vision but did wandas accent get slightly less bad or is this just exposure

drax’s reaction to thor was um. Me. also it was this scene that made me realize that ppl saying that the russos reset thor to his previous characterization and that he was nothing like ragnarok thor i....????? hm???? idk i thought he was p in character from what we saw in ragnarok? like did u all expect him to be super light and happy go lucky immediately after his entire planet died and his brother died too like. what.... did u Want. hes still not as grimdark as dark world and he still has the ragnarok vibes but w added “Lifes a Fucking Nightmare So Im Going to Joke Until Someone Murders Me :)” which is just honest to god me, so

oh also in an above part when tony pulled out a flip phone to call steve the dude next to me loudly hissed “what? a fucking flip phone-?” and his wife shushed him. i wanted to lean over and inform him that it was the phone from civil war and if hed been paying ATTENTION he wouldve known that

things arent going to be in much order after this bc im tired and its all a big jumble in my adhd brain but thats okay. its been 6 years and i still couldnt tell u the entire plot of the avengers, so.

tbh the effects in this movie were really fucking gorgeous like.... all the different planets’ scenery was so goddamn beautiful. like idk how to spell it so im not gonna attempt but the planet that gamora died on was literally so fucking pretty i was stunned into a silence what the FUCK was that beautiful nonsense

not enough steve and bucky interaction bc marvels personally out to get me, a known gay

i cant believe buckys a fucking goat farmer like ohfa sdfhadof ?????? just let the man feed his goats in PEACE

didnt love the whole “thanos really loved gamora” bit but like it makes sense ig. if thats what he thought love was? altho that definitely doesnt mean she loves him or shouldve ever forgiven him bc uuuh Yikes. anyone w abusive parents knows that kind of possessive, overbearing love. and it might be some fucked up twisted form of it but it aint good.

but whoever they casted as baby gamora was spot on?

when red skull lifted his hood i literally whispered “oh my god” and the lady next to me started laughing at me.

also while there was a good amount of fighting i rlly appreciated that it wasnt All Fighting and just there to show off that they had cool special effects. like.... it was mostly story and for someone who doesnt give a shit abt action sequences it was v relieving that i didnt have to parse through 2 and a half hours of watching someone do cool but impractical stunts

man idc abt wanda and dont like mcu natasha bc of the actress but when that chick was like “youll die alone” and natasha said “shes not alone” and then kicked ass i rlly just. hm. thats lesbian.

anyone else agree that when strange said mournfully that there was only one outcome and then said that giving up the time stone was the only way, its basically just telling us that this was all planned and it Will work out fine bc he knew that this was the one path that would lead to them winning. like..... im at least 99% sure thats whats going to happen, here.

steve and bucky may have said 2 sentences to each other but steve reaching out to grab a handful of buckys ashes w a stricken look was literally the worst moment of my entire life and i plan to sue marvel for emotional damages bc that was fucking terrible and i cannot BELIEVE they made me watch that idc if bucky comes back im fuckin pissed

also thats literally every team iron man member to realize that the accords were bullshit and if its 2018 and u still think the accords were right/a good thing i honestly do not know what to tell you

fuckin..... im lookin at captain marvels powers and shes cool and all but hows she gonna save all this........ now im even more curious abt what her movies gonna bring like ???? hello??????

also the only time the theater clapped or cheered was when steve showed up and literally same

i know all the dust ppl r coming back but alsof uc kin......... that was brutal

idk i dont have much 2 add im very sleepy but

i liked it a lot and im excited for the next movie. there were some things that i thought were in poor taste but like..... thats what i expect from every marvel movie, so. im pleasantly surprised by how good this was. idk why but during it it kinda like.... it had the same vibes as return of the king????? like i dont know Why but it has a very.... lotr movie feel to it. but w the staple marvel jokes. idk how to feel about that. i think its good? im not sure. get back to me in a few days after the movie highs worn off and if i still like it then its got my stamp of approval.

#james.txt #iw spoilers #infinity war spoilers #literally do not click on that read more if u dont want major spoilers

56 notes · View notes

witchysleepingbeauty · 3 years

Note

Hi princess! So imagine this lady who's always ALWAYS being negative abt her kids, never a kind word and only belittling, every other day, like "what did I do wrong really? What kind of kids have I raised? They're bla bla bla" with venom. And worst who doesnt acknowledge how negative + painful she is

When i try to talk to her nd ask her exactly whats the issue with 'me' or how can I help her to ease her burden as she keeps complaining how we're ungrateful or keeps comparing to other 'more acceptable in her eyes" children, she gets defensive nd won't answer properly. She says "ohhh, why don't U know that? arent u old enough to know?' and then starts ranting. when time after time ive begged her to clearly tell me, no passiv agressiveness please! it doesn't work nd i end up wondering why i even bother when im only the villain... Yes this ig is my role in her story that ive writen? confusing 😅

when I can, sometimes i try to help her even tho shes the sort who likes to stay busy so she'll find smth else to do lol, nd inside hope for her to be at least a little NOT negative today.... she either ignores or gets angrier nd goes all "hey, I didn't ask U to do that! How dare u act like u did me a favor! U think ur perfect while im just ur servant right?" when i never even intend that? i effing HATE negative reinforcement nd i feel so damn bad for her, nd shes taught me how negative reinforcement is the worst thing to use, cuz it never teaches anything only builds resentment!!

this is smth i realised that she cant be pleased, she wants to get attention what I mean is, whenever we spend time together, she is perfectly fine when we're talking abt her hobbies nd interests which tbh im NOT that interested in personally but since she likes them i like to discuss them with her nd help her out with projects. not to say "ohhh im so cool i help out with her projects look at me so kind of me! lol" its just it hurts when ur own mother doesn't even rpetend to care abt ur interests. i suspect deep down i carried this feeling of unworthiness ie if even my own mother doesn't care abt my hobbies/projects, no one will . which is why i feel so uncomfortable sharing anything personal to my rl friends cuz im so afraid theyll reject me too :(

By not caring i dont mean I expect her to listen nonstop to me. she has her own life but i mean she purposely zones out, rolls her eyes which HURT SM when i was a child, or even worst she says "im not interested" nd shuts the convo. again, at this point, idec anymore as ive learned slowly to value nd cherish my own value nd hobbies etc which is an important lesson anyway

the only thing i want is to stop her being so painfully negative LOUDLY. Yk I suspect becuz of her dwelling on whats wrong in her life, shes gotten severe numbness nd swelling in one arm? and even the doctors cant detect whats wrong! nd its hella painful nd she can't even lift it up sometimes!!!! THIS GOES ON TO SHOW HOW INNER CONSTANT NEGATIVITY CAN BE REFLECTED IN THE OUTER AKA OUR BODY!! To anyone else who cant help have negative thoughts ONLY, u gotta try to change them! Please! Bcuz my mother's pain in her arm is sometimes crazily too much! Nd this in turn, esp on days where all i hear is her gripe, its worse at night!

Anyway I was compeled to write this as a while ago i went to the kitchen for water nd from her room i heard her loudly complain nd mutter abt how her kids are "socially unacceptable" nd "dear god i pray please please don't let me rely on them in old age, i made a mistake raising them!" She's the sort whos got so many limiting beliefs that initially led to my deep unhappiness w/o knowng it was these beliefs at play eg if you dont become a certain career, youll have no security, or recently she keeps nd keeps lamenting abt not havjng 'enoufh money' (we r having kinda financial crisis due to some rlly terrible decisions by my other parent) or 'oh Im STUCK with this [bad word] family!" when she saw a movie abt someone who went on a trip nd began comparing her own life to it. She's so talented we all ask her to start an online business but she backs away nd says 'how will i ever get capital? im doomed to never have what i want' nd I myself have a bit empty wallet temporarily so i cant help her. Nyway, while im trying to fix my own beliefs, seeing her rage nd let negativity completly take over her is alarming nd worrying to me. it makes me feel negative emotions too. im not entirely confident in mastering my mind ywt. i was that overly sensitive kid at school nd i absorv her energy a lot. Those who u love the most, hurt u the most. nd i agree bcoz while im hurt by her (not that shes intentionally hurting me. THRU her im hurt), i do love her. Nd now thanks to the law ik by changing my beliefs abt things, i can change the world

My reason is i cant change her bcuz she gets hella maddened if i suggest a less negative thought. Nd she instead starts blaming me for my 'decisions in Life' which SHE would NEVERRR make oh no... -_- Nd im not saying i try to be obnoxious abt it hell no! im talking abt getting frustrated at the table talking abt smth abt a random topic, then suddenly listening to her start complaining abt e g. Some kid whos "richer" than i am heatedly! nd if i steer the convo away, nope, she keeps fuming a bit

so since i can only change myself, how the hell do i change my assumptions of her? i affirm having a great mother, happy nd open with her thriving business etc. i affirm this but i cant focus cuz doing so inevitbly makes me sad lol cuz i rmmbr how happy nd liveky she used to be before some unfortunate things in our family that started yrs ago. Which affected us all. Any advice, please? im on a mental diet hwoever the earlier incident of her complaining abt us again caused smth in me to snap. im distancing myself from her but the short times im with her there's only a strong air of disapproval, pain nd misery around her. Tbh i was like that pre-law, not knowing how destructiv my thoughts were, while she was the happy optimistic grateful one. Nd now? Im only slightly more self aware than before ie im NOT saying im able to rise in consiousness SOo much that im 'untouchable' nd buddha-like! Nor is my mom wrong bcuz she's me pushed out! its only her lvl of conciousness nd thats it. its just I don't want to cause or feel more pain or hav any excuse to curse her ,when ego sometimes takes over, anymore. im having some personal issues to take care of too, which is why this is affecting me too much. Sort of like having a weak immune system already?

I want my happy intelligent mom back. ik i got to change me... but the doing is way harder than the saying

🫀anon

Okay first of all imma say it cause I don’t think nobody else will…. Your mom is shitty…. There, I said it. She is abusive and selfish and a bad mom. No parent should ever treat their children that way and make them think they need to fix them.

Other than that yes it’s true she is your manifestation but I think it’s important to let emotions out. Be mad at her for once, stop rationalizing her bad behavior. You have the right to feel mad, angry, sad. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.

I know it seems impossible to keep a mental diet when you see the negative behavior you wish to change every day. I assume you live in the same house. My suggestion is to stick to your mental diet and try to interact as little with her as possible. Go out more often or stay a bit more in your room. Every time you see a behavior from her that you don’t like, and you feel like affirming doesn’t help, close your eyes and see her hugging you and telling you all sorts of beautiful, loving things you’d like to hear from her.

You should also work on your self concept. Parental issues often manifest from poor self concept. Affirmations like “I am worthy, I am loved, I am enough, I am respected, I am cherished” work amazing.

0 notes