#anyway i went off on a tangent here but point being. it sucks when people have skill but no vision. you need both to be considered talented | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

makeste · 3 years

Note

A theory I have seen is that Fuyumi wants the family back so desperately, because she and Toya experienced the better Endeavor, where everything was alright. My guess is that after his decent into abuse its stopped being like a normal family and Natsuo and Shoto never experienced a normal family. But that is just a therory

okay so speaking as someone who grew up with an abusive and neglectful parent (though in my case it was my mom rather than my dad)... it’s complicated. there are a lot of emotions there. I think one of the things Horikoshi has really excelled at with the whole Todoroki plot is the way that he’s used the four siblings to show the different ways that children respond to parental abuse. and I can say from personal experience that all of them are valid. not just the bitterness, anger, and resentment that Touya, Natsuo, and Shouto have all shown at times, but also that intense (but tentative, almost wishful-thinking) longing to just have a normal family that we see from Fuyumi. speaking again from experience, that last one isn’t an outlier at all. in fact, in my case, I’d say that was honestly the strongest feeling out of all of them, and it even fueled a lot of the other three emotions. btw just a heads up I’m gonna delve into some personal stuff here briefly, so yeah. I won’t put details, but if anyone wants an abuse trigger warning added to the post or anything like that, just let me know.

so the thing is, even during my angriest times, if some magic wish-granting genie had poofed in and told the child me, “’sup, I’m here to solve all of your family problems, just tell me what you want me to do,” I wouldn’t have wanted them to take my mom away and lock her up somewhere and make her suffer or anything like that. honestly, even during the worst of it, the thing I wanted more than anything else was just to have a normal family. my mom had a lot of untreated mental health issues, and it was basically a situation where you never knew which version of her you were going to get on any given day. so there were times when she was a kind and loving mother who took care of me and my siblings. and there were a great many more times when she was temperamental and erratic, and we all (my dad included) basically just walked on eggshells around her and did our best to lay low and try not to bother her because even little things might set her off, and we never knew how she was going to react. and my dad worked a lot, and my sibs and I were homeschooled for reasons which I’m not gonna get into because this post is already veering off on too many tangents, but anyway so the short of it is that my sibs and I grew up in this unstable environment and ended up more or less raising ourselves. and I resented my mom a lot for that, growing up, and I still do honestly.

now a lot’s happened since then, and she’s gotten some help, and my siblings and I are all adults now and we’re more or less good, even though we all took a certain amount of Psychic Damage along the way and we’re each still dealing with that. and we each have different relationships with our mom now, and a couple of my sibs are even fairly close to her. but for my part, I pretty much have no relationship with her at all outside of seeing her a few times a year at family get-togethers and the like. the thing is, even though my mom did eventually (after a LOT of false starts and struggles and heartache) get some help, she’s never really shown remorse for what my siblings and I went through because of her. she’s never taken responsibility for any of it. she blames a lot of other people, and will go on long rants about all of the terrible things that have happened to her and all of the horrible ways people have treated her (some of which is true, and some of which very much is not). but there’s never even the slightest acknowledgement of any of the things she herself has done to hurt others. she either passes the blame or just pretends it never happened.

and honestly, it sucks. even now, there’s little to no real desire to change on her part. she’s gotten therapy and meds now, and so emotionally she’s much more stable than when we were kids, but one of the unfortunate results is that it’s all the more clear now that a lot of her behavior never had anything to do with her mental illness at all. she just didn’t care at all about how she was hurting others; or at the very least, didn’t care to face it. and that’s just how it is.

anyway, so I’m sorry to keep breaking away and telling you guys my own life story lol. but the point I’m trying to get at here is that I actually relate to Fuyumi so much, though. what I wanted more than anything was for my mom to care, and to say she was sorry, and for me to be able to believe that and to trust her, and for her to actually change. that was it.

and so for me, here’s the biggest difference between the Endeavor situation, and my own and so many others. the difference is that unlike people in real life, we know Endeavor is actually remorseful for what he’s done. we know it for certain because we’ve seen it for ourselves, from his own point of view. the manga actually lets us get inside his head and shows us that he really is sincere, that he really is sorry, and that he really is trying to change. and that’s something that’s impossible to get in real life. that certainty that the person really means it, that they’re genuinely remorseful and committed to making amends.

and for me, that’s fucking wish fulfillment right there. for the abusive parent to finally realize the error of their ways and be sorry and try to do right by their kids. I fucking wanted that. hell, I still want it, even though I’ve made my peace with things the way that they are. that chance to somehow heal the broken relationship, and have your parent genuinely try their best to be a real parent to you, even if it’s years after the fact? shit. I’d take that in a heartbeat.

and so when it comes to Fuyumi and her attempts to get her family to reconcile and experience a few normal things, I f feel that. I really do. because when you’re growing up in that type of situation, normal is all that you want. and I don’t think it’s anything that requires an explanation on her part, because it’s not actually an unusual reaction at all. it’s natural. it’s the most natural thing in the world. honestly it’s annoying that fandom sometimes tries to shame her for having those feelings. like honestly, fuck that. because the thing is, I’d wager that almost every kid who grew up with an abusive parent has at some time or other felt the exact same way.

and that includes Touya, Natsuo, and Shouto as well. literally the only difference between them and Fuyumi is that they feel that Endeavor’s change of heart is simply coming too late. it’s not that they don’t want their family back, just like she does; it’s that from their point of view, it’s something they can’t get back. for Fuyumi, that dream of having a normal family is something she’s still seeking. for Natsuo and Touya, that dream of having a normal family is something that was destroyed. something that Endeavor killed. something they’re in mourning of. and so Touya wants revenge for it, and Natsuo is trying to pick himself up and move past it. and meanwhile Shouto is caught somewhere in the middle of all of those reactions, because he’s still trying to decide whether or not he can ever bring himself to trust his father again. he’s somewhere in between his brothers’ mourning and his sister’s hopefulness. sort of a Schrodinger type of deal lol.

but anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that all four siblings are really experiencing the same thing, just in different ways. Fuyu may be the one arranging family dinners and the like, but that same longing to be part of a normal family is at the core of Natsuo, Shouto, and even Touya’s behavior as well. Natsuo’s hurt and resentment, and Touya’s spite and bitterness, come from being denied the thing they want. and Fuyu’s shaky attempts at reconciliation come from her desire to still obtain it somehow. but at the end of the day they’re the exact same feelings. and they all come from the same place.

anyways, hopefully that makes some kind of sense. basically, everyone is valid. Fuyu is valid, Natsu and Shouto are valid, and Touya is murdery which isn’t cool, but his feelings are still valid too nonetheless. hugs and therapy for the Todoroki children in 2021, Horikoshi. please and thank you.

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theangryjikooker · 2 years

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From previous discourse what would you think of the hickey from your pov. Please dont take this ask the wrong way i genuinely want to know because i like reading others view about jikook :D

BIG SIGH.

Lol, don't worry, anon, I'm not taking your ask in the wrong way, but my opinion on this topic is--let's just say that I don't know if I have the mental bandwidth to deal with the fallout from sharing my opinion, but here it goes:

I've actually explained this in an older ask. Short story, I have reason to believe Jimin wasn't lying about having bitten Jungkook. I'm typically wary about using anecdotes to prove a point, but this is one of those instances where sharing this gives others an idea of why I didn't immediately go, "That's a hickey!" even when I'm no stranger to giving/receiving them. I'm very familiar with them (one might say I enjoy the practice).

I adopted a crazy ass dog years ago. He's considerably more mellow now, but there were hints at trauma in my dog when I first got him. Anyway, I lifted him in a way that he didn't like because he ended nipping my neck. We're not talking the cute nips that dogs will sometimes pretend to do or do lightly; no, no, my goblin of a dog meant it. What resulted was a fine bruise that resulted in headaches for me when trying to explain it to my then-partner. Based on this experience alone, I wasn't immediately jumping at the bit when those Jikook clips were released.

Do I think Jkkrs are wrong for thinking it was a hickey? No, I understand why they would. I'm not even going to argue with anyone who thinks it is. I simply have the foundation to take Jimin's words at face-value.

I think the most suspicious thing about "hickeygate" is that Jimin put his open mouth on Jungkook's neck at all (whether he sucked or bit is up to you). The neck is a very intimate area, it's an erogenous zone, people tend to be very sensitive about even being touched there, and Jimin just went CHOMP.

Tangent but adjacent: the way Jikook play when they hang out seem to give off different vibes than when they hang out with other members. If any of you reading this are the anon who was questioning why I shipped Jikook, this is one prime example of why I love them. It's almost like... there's no forethought to what they're doing; they act on impulse (which has its own implications).

#TAJ asks #curious anon #jikook #kookmin

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jiamour · 4 years

Text

maybe, just maybe

pairing: hufflepuff!jeno x slytherin!reader

genre: fluff

word count: 4.2k

summary: jeno was perfect, maybe everyone was sick of his perfectness, maybe it wasn’t everyone, maybe it was just you.

alternatively: you’re in love with jeno but it takes 2 rainstorms, months of longingly staring, a missing overweight cat, and a love potion to realize it

a/n: i wrote this two years ago so its not great and its bullet point which is annoying

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

oh look at perfect jeno, with his perfect marks, his perfect attitude, his perfect quidditch skills

his perfect hair, his perfect smile

his perfect face

maybe everyone was sick of his perfectness

maybe it wasn’t everyone

maybe it was just you

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“do you see what jeno is doing over there? he literally volunteered to polish the fucking candelabras, there’s something off about him, something he’s hiding, no one can be that nice”

renjun threw a grape at your head forcing you to pry your eyes off of the innocent boy doing a good deed while eating a blueberry muffin across the dining hall to glower at your best friend

“but he is that nice” renjun huffed not up for another 10 hour tangent about how jeno was obviously wearing a wig ‘because no ones hair can naturally be that fluffy it’s literally not possible’

“well jeno can suck my dick”

“you’d like that wouldn’t you”

you gasped and chucked a half eaten scone towards him earning a few curious glances from some third years who quickly looked away when met by your glare

“why am i even friends with you?”

renjun had the audacity to roll his eyes “because i’m the only person who can stand to listen to you pine over jeno everyday without wanting to rip my ears off, and sometimes even i romanticize the idea”

“shut up it’s not pining, i hate him and i’m leaving, i refuse to sit here and be attacked” you said hurriedly, grabbing a peach in your hand, and scoffing before stomping dramatically out of the room

renjun snorted and continued eating

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

jeno looked up from candelabra just in time to see you exit the dining hall flipping your hair back flamboyantly before stocking off down the corridor

he smiled to himself

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

you rubbed your eyes as you left the slytherin common room to begin your nightly patrol as prefect

(jeno was a prefect as well, of fucking course he was (this didn’t bother you at all (okay it did (a lot))))

the walk around the halls was always calm and relaxing

except when you saw that annoying ghost peeves

you hated peeves almost as much as jeno

key word almost

you took a step around the corner of the hall and that’s when it hit you

no like literally hit you

someone had actually hit you

you stumbled backwards in shock, lighting up your wand quickly to see which annoying brat was out of bed despite the paintings complaints

what you saw definitely wasn’t AN annoying brat

it was THE annoying brat

“jeno?”

jeno was standing there, wide eyed, in his slightly over sized pale beige striped pajamas, with a little bit of mint toothpaste on the corner of his mouth, in pure panic

“oh my gosh! i’m so sorry! are you okay?” jeno was almost yelling looking like he was about to cry

you shushed him (naturally)

“i’m fine don’t worry i’m okay” your voice was hushed and way softer than usual almost getting caught in your throat

like you were caught in his pretty eyes

what?

ignore that

he heaved a sigh of relief but his shoulders remained tense

he looked around your shoulder and whenever he spoke it was as if he wasn’t even looking at you

“umm jeno?”

he only hummed

“are you okay?”

“no”

that certainly was not the answer you had expected

“what wrong?” you didn’t know why you were asking this, why you cared.

you hated him

“i-my cat-“ he stumbled over his words almost cutely

“i lost my cat have you seen a cat?” he asked his voice full of desperation

he squat down holding his hand about 30cm off the ground “shes white with gray spots and umm about this tall”

he moved his hands apart as if he was holding a large book “and she’s about this wide, i know she’s a little pudgy- okay a lot pudgy, but i love her a lot okay!”

if jeno wasn’t so panicked you would have laughed

“i haven’t seen her sorry” you told him and the look on his face made your heart break

he stood up looking down at his feet “that’s okay she’s a strong cat i’m sure she can surv-“

“but i can help you look for her” you cut him off words surprising both him and yourself

“WOULD YOU REALLY” jeno spoke overjoyed earning multiple shushes from the paintings

then he pulled you into a suffocating bear hug muttering thank you over and over again

stupid jeno and his stupid perfect warm hugs

when he let you go all you could do was stand there in shock he noticed your expression and blushed

which was awful by the way

clearly embarrassed he put a hand on the back of his neck and looked down again “sorry that was a bit weird wasn’t it?”

yes very

do it again

“only a little” you laughed quietly and his eyes shone bright as he laughed with you

it took about 30 minutes to find his cat

of course his stupid fat cat couldn’t stay hidden for longer

how inconsiderate

when jeno saw his cat (who’s name turned out to be ‘cuddles, because that totally wasn’t the cutest this ever) he squealed and the cat came running towards you both rubbing it’s head against jeno’s leg

you didn’t know cats were capable of this much affection

but of course perfect jeno was the exception

he just had to be a fucking cat whisperer didn’t he

“you should get back to bed it’s not your shift anyways, you need sleep” your words broke him out of his cat trance

he sighed looking almost sad

but why would he look sad?

he had no reason to be sad

who made jeno sad?

“this was fun” he said with his annoyingly perfect voice

you said nothing only gave him a small smile

cause that’s all he deserved

okay he deserved more

shut up

“i guess i’ll be going then goodnight yn”

you hated how perfect your name sounded coming from his lips

you watched as he walked off making his way back to the hufflepuff common room

“goodnight”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“ugh i hate him so much renjun i didn’t get to sleep because of him and his stupid fat cat”

“you were on duty you didn’t get to sleep anyways”

“shut up”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

the day was beautiful

the birds were singing, the wind lightly blew the grass around where you and renjun were sitting, and the coast was jeno clear

wait false alarm

there he was standing at the outskirts of the forest feeding the baby animals like the fucking saint he was

“the day is no longer beautiful”

renjun laughed

shit you said that out loud didn’t you

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

the next time you saw jeno (aka the 12th time that week (not including class) not that you were counting or anything) you were both in the library

he sat at a table surrounded by friends his nose scrunching occasionally whenever he read something he didn’t quite understand

you watched as he delicately flipped the pages of the old book

god you really wished you were a book right now

wait

what the fuck

you hadn’t realized you were staring until renjun waved a textbook in front of your face snapping your attention back to him

“hello earth to yn” renjun wanted to yell but it was a library and he had manners “you going to help me with this project or keep staring at mr.perfect?”

“i wasn’t staring”

“okay so now we’re out here telling blatant lies, okay hun, i see how it is” as he spoke your eyes began to drift back over to the table where jeno sat and renjun was not having it

snap snap snap bitch renjun's hand was snapping right in front your face and you were afraid he was going to accidentally (not so accidentally) hit you

“still not staring” you muttered “why would i stare at someone i hate?”

“kill me now”

you decided to actually work before renjun went crazy

also you didn’t want perfect jeno to make you fail

you’d never live it down

you and renjun finished up your research a few hours later to both of your relief

you gathered up all of your stuff to go as renjun put the books back

you looked over at where jeno sat to see if he was still there

because you were annoyed that he was

that’s why you were checking

no other reason

you were surprised to see him sitting there looking right back at you

he smiled his perfect smile and waved

you bit your lip and gave him a shy wave back not knowing what else to do

you turned away quickly to search for renjun who had probably already left without you, hearing the laughter of jeno's friends behind you

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

you found yourself at a quidditch match between hufflepuff and ravenclaw

it was the first time you’d been to a quidditch match since your second year and you decided to go now because renjun wanted to be there

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

renjun did not want to be there

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

before you had entered the stands to sit in a crowd of screaming people there was a tap on your shoulder

you turned around quickly ready to fight who you thought was renjun for being late

it wasn’t renjun

jeno stood there dressed in his quidditch uniform slightly sweaty from practice beforehand

(and god was it hot)

because of course he was hot because he was stupid mr.perfect who could even make sweating look good

you were livid

jeno smiled at you

you couldn’t help but smile back

“i saw you walking over so i decided to come say hi if that’s okay” jeno spoke uncertain but his voice remained bright

“it’s okay” you said quietly “hi”

“i’ve never seen you at a match before” jeno inquired and something bubbled in your chest

“i haven’t been to one in a while i came because renjun wanted too” you said shyly fiddling with your sleeve

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

renjun did not want too

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“i don’t see renjun?” jeno laughed

just as the word ‘renjun’ came out of his mouth the boy himself came around the corner beginning to yell a loud “YOUR KING HAS ARRIVED” before noticing jeno with you

renjun backed the fuck out of there

“well i guess now i do see a renjun” you laughed at that and jeno's smile traveled to his eyes

when you didn’t say anything jeno spoke up again “so i noticed you’re not wearing anything yellow. how can you cheer me on without wearing any yellow?”

you were flustered “i um-“

“WAIT UNLESS-“ jeno gasped dramatically placing a hand over his heart “are you not cheering for me?”

you couldn’t help but giggle “of course i’m cheering for you”

how could you not

he was mr.perfect after all

“well then here” jeno said pulling a yellow scarf from out of his uniform pocket “wear it for me okay? i have to go now before couch gets angry”

he placed scarf around your neck and looked at you smiling “there. i’ll see you later yn”

then he left

and stupid perfect jeno had bested you again

how dare he make you wear his soft perfect scarf

he must know how much this hurt your pride

renjun was going to have a field day

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“yn stop playing with his scarf and look at the game”

“no i hate quidditch”

“i can see him looking at you right now and he looks sad you’re not watching”

“what really?” you looked up quick

jeno was not looking

at least not anymore

renjun laughed

“i hate him” you mumbled

“and you” you added for good measure

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

you were exhausted

your head was laid on the dining hall table and you were ready to sleep for eternity

“did you even sleep at all last night? jesus yn, you look awful” renjun’s voice was teasing but laced in concern

“thanms” you mumbled lifting your head attempting to sarcastically thank him but not having the energy

“wow you’re a mess” he laughed ruffling your already messy hair, trying to make it worse

“ugh i hate you” you grumbled just when a soft hand was placed on your shoulder

“you hate me?” the voice behind you laughed brightly

oh god you knew that voice

why did he have energy this early

showing off how he was superior again

you hated it

“jeno” you said as you turned to smile at him

“you didn’t answer my question” he teased sitting down beside you

uninvited you may add

okay maybe you tapped the seat for him to sit but only a little

“of course i don’t hate you” renjun rolled his eyes so hard you were surprised he didn’t roll with them

“well that’s good because i brought you some coffee” he said making a car sound as he moved the coffee across the table towards you “you looked tired and i drink this every day so i thought you’d like it”

it’s like he wanted you to hate him

how dare he be so nice

making you feel special

doing good deeds

playing with your emotions

being too fucking perfect

renjun saw you glare at the cup and had to leave because of how hard he was laughing

jeno asked if renjun was okay and you just waved him off

“thank you” you hummed and reached for the cup

the coffee tasted like caramel and had the perfect amount of milk and the perfect amount of sugar

you loved it

and you hated that

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“hey man are you okay? you just started wheezing out of nowhere, yn says you’re fine but i just wanted to be sure” jeno asked the next time he saw renjun in the hall

renjun died again

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

you were taking a walk around the school grounds to clear your mind of stress from upcoming assignments

you got lost in thought as flitterby moths flew around and landed on flowers in front of you

that was at least until a loud perfect voice came from over the hill calling your name

you moved your eyes from the moths who hadn’t even been startled by the sudden sound to where the voice had come from and surely enough there was jeno walking towards you

you waved to him and he smiled back

“what are you up t-“ he stopped talking when he saw you watch the moths flutter up into the sky and fly back into the forest

jeno laughed at your pout making you pout more

“who would have thought that the tough slytherin prefect spends her time watching butterflies” jeno teased his hand brushing against yours because of how close he was standing

“they were moths” you corrected

you smiled proudly

for once he wasn’t perfect

“so are you saying you are against the idea of watching butterflies?” he bumped your shoulder playfully

“i haven’t seen many around so i guess it would be nice to see them as well” you sighed truthfully and jeno couldn’t take his eyes off of you

he opened his mouth to speak and that’s when thunder struck

“oh god no please say there’s no-“ before you could finish your sentence it started pouring, “rain”

jeno looked at you and lifted his robe over both of your heads with left arm and grabbed your hand with his right before he started running, pulling you with him towards the castle

you couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous this situation was

you were running hand in hand with the boy you hated

with mr.perfect himself

who by the way still looked perfect even when sopping wet with his hair sticking to his face

and that was just offensive

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

jeno didn’t want to let go of your hand even when you had made it back to the castle

so he didn’t

he brought his robe down which happened to be no help anyways

and looked over to see you smiling beside him

how someone could look so perfect while drenched in rain he would never understand

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

jeno walked you back to the slytherin common room

because he was too nice for his own good

his hand was still holding yours

obviously to humiliate you why else

if renjun saw you like this he’d never let it go

you really hoped renjun wasn’t around

but of course he was

you opened the door to the dungeons and there he was

standing right there

he looked at you

then he looked at you hands

then he looked at jeno

back to you

back to your hands

instant wheezing

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“is your friend okay? i can ask madam pomfrey if she has an inhaler for him” jeno asked the next day

now you were wheezing

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“amortentia is the most powerful love potion in existence. it causes a powerful infatuation or obsession from the drinker and should not be used under any circumstances” the potions teacher explained at the beginning of the lesson

if it shouldn’t be used then why teach us, you wanted to groan

there was a 500% chance someone was going to try to make someone fall for them like an idiot

the teacher continued on and the curiosity of many students grew “it is said that it smells different to each person, based on what we are attracted to.”

okay maybe that’s kind of cool

and you kind of wanted to know what you were attracted to

well you did know

kind of

“for example i smell cinnamon buns and butterscotch scented candles as well as the ocean” she droned on lazily her eyes closing slightly taking in the scent before she snapped out of it and looked back at the class

“would anyone like to give it a try” the teacher ask and half the hands in the room shot up

including yours

“yn how about you” the teacher said and you got out of your seat to stand in front of the potion

you leaned in to get a waft of the potion and the first thing you smelt was blueberry muffins

“tell everyone what you smell dear” the teacher insists

“umm blueberry muffins, caramel coffee, mint toothpaste, umm-“ you listed getting distracted by the smell

“continue on” the teacher urged smiling

-“the forest, sweat” you said slightly embarrassed “old library books, cats?”

the class laughed at that and you did too

“and umm the rain, should i continue on or-“ you blushed

“no no that’s enough thank you for assisting” the teacher patted you on the back and sent you back to your seat

where believe it or not

renjun was laughing

“what?” you asked curious wondering what you had done now

“i can’t believe you don’t know” renjun took a large breath trying to regain himself “why are you like this?”

“like what?” you were so confused and renjun wasn’t any help

you looked around the room to see if anyone else knew what the fuck was going on and there he was

jeno staring right at you eyes wide

and you had no idea why

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

the next day you watched as jeno grabbed his usual blueberry muffin and coffee before walking over to you and renjun

he had been doing this for about a week

but today

it felt so awkward

like jeno and renjun knew something that you didn’t

and you hated that

but jeno’s perfect soft smile as he handed you his caramel coffee so you could take a sip made all the negativity go away

wait

caramel coffee

blueberry muffin

it had to be a coincidence

yeah that’s all it was

one big coincidence

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

jeno seemed to be bringing you places more often

it was strange

really strange

one day he had dragged you out to the forest with him to feed the animals

which would have been nice if he hadn’t kept looking at you expectedly the whole time

when you didn’t say anything he just sighed and walked away sadly

you hated making mr.perfect sad

the next day jeno took you into the library

where you read about love potions

from old books

and nothing

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

jeno was going insane

he was trying everything

he couldn’t tell if you were purposely doing this or if you were actually this oblivious

he guessed it was the latter because you may be cute but you definitely weren’t an actor

he learned that the hard way

resulting in you both losing 20 house points

he would rather not get into that

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

jeno invited you to his quidditch match

and you couldn’t say no, no matter how much you disliked the sport

because he has asked you with his perfect smile and his perfect pleading eyes

and no one could say no to that

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

he gave you his scarf again and renjun imploded

or maybe that was you

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

after the match which you think he won but you weren’t entirely certain jeno ran up to you pulling you into a tight hug

okay so he probably won

it was against slytherin but you know, who cares about house spirit when mr.perfect wants you to root for him

jeno invited you to come back to the hufflepuff common room with him to celebrate

and no one in their right mind would decline

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

his common room was definitely a lot cozier than yours you thought as you sat on the couch by the fire and pet his cat

pet his CAT

while you waiting for him to get out of the shower

although it should feel awkward being in a unknown place surrounded by unknown people, it didn’t

everyone was so welcoming and friendly

it felt so natural

jeno returned in fresh clothes with slightly damp hair that hung cutely in his face and mint toothpaste in the corner of his mouth

this felt familiar

jeno sat beside you putting his arm along the back of the couch and folding his legs on the seat to look at you

you stuck your hand out reaching towards his face “you have a little- there you go” you said as you wiped the little bit of toothpaste away

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

jeno was pretty sure he died then and there

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

jeno was done, he couldn’t take this anymore, everyday he asked you to go on a walk with him hoping

dreaming

that it would rain and you would maybe realize

he was ready to curse the fucking sky

but god decided to send him a gift instead

and it rained

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“oh my god” you groaned trying to put your hand over your head to stop the rain from hitting you “i can’t believe this happened again”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

please realize please realize please realize

“what are you doing? why do you look like you’re praying?”

that was it

jeno grabbed your hand and pulled you into him

“can i kiss you” he asked looking down at your lips

you just nodded

so he did

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

what the fuck

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK your brain was yelling as you kissed jeno

in the rain you might add

wait

rain

blueberry muffins

coffee

cats

sweat

mint toothpaste

forests

old books

jeno

how had you not realized?

you were attracted to jeno

the potion

everything made sense

“oh my god” you said shocked against his lips he laughed and pulled apart so he could look into your wide eyes

“you- the potion- rain- oh my god” you were rambling and jeno kissing you again, a quick peck this time

“i can’t believe it took you this long to realize” jeno said and you groaned slightly embarrassed ducking your head into his chest to hide your face

“hey, hey, no don’t hide, i want to see you” he teased and pushed you back slightly so you were forced to look up at him

your eyes were locked together until his hand moved to cupped your cheek and he leaned in again

but then there was thunder

“we should um-“ you stepped back mumbling shyly “get out of the rain”

“good idea” jeno agreed looking down at his wet clothes that stuck to his body

this time you grabbed his hand

and you both ran

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

the hufflepuff common room was closer and you didn’t want to leave each others sides, not at the moment

not right now

when THAT had just happened

what jeno had been waiting months for

okay maybe what you were also waiting months for

you had changed into one of jeno’s spare perfect yellow hufflepuff sweaters

the both of you sat in front of the warm fire shivering

jeno had an arm around your shoulder holding you close

and he wouldn’t stop looking at you with a perfect smile

“wow” jeno sighed and you looked at him

“what?” you asked with a small laugh

“i’ve just wanted this for so long”

“yeah”

“yeah me too”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

he was still perfect

but maybe

just maybe

you didn’t really hate him after all

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

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wendibird · 4 years

Text

SPN 15X16 Observations

Alrighty folks! This week, both my TV AND internet were working! (Helped that this past week a repairperson came out and checked things out and turned out our cable box needed to be replaced because the one they’d given us was defective or something.) So, good part of that was that I was able to watch it on my actual TV! Bad news is, that meant I was left trying to take notes on my phone, which isn’t as easy for me as it is on my computer which my keyboard. But ah well. Here are my episode notes and post-watching break-down of what I thought about it.

- getting "IT" vibes

- "IT" vibes still there

- Nyooooooom

- DEAN! YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM YOU BASTARD!!!

(FLASHBACK) - Dang Dean.... "this is our life" Even then he was trying to make Sam accept it. - Poor Sammy - That's a big gun for a little kid...

- Poor (other) kid!

(Commercial thoughts) So this is the second time this season that Cas had a conversation with Dean and then left and Dean lied to Sam about it. So Sam's in the dark still.

First time I think Dean just didn't want to admit his part in Cas leaving. This time, I have a feeling he doesn't want Sam to know what Cas (probably) said about Jack. Maybe thinks Sam will try to stop the plan. And Dean wants it to happen? Because at least this time it's not them making the sacrifice? *salty*

- Dean's pretty quick to call it. (That it's not their kind of thing.)

- Ring??

- He brought the ring back

- That woke her up

- NOW he (Dean) believes her...

(Commercial) Dean is closing down connections between him and the people he usually connects with. Like, it's harder to hold onto those. Like, he's willing to let Jack go (I think) And he was ready to write off Caitlin's brother.

Also tied up with his slef image. He thought he'd taken care of it back then. She prayed on his sense of duty and shame of failure.

Interesting that the knife wasn't really there.

Could it have killed him anyway?

- "We used to keep a lot of secrets from each other."

- I still hate how Dean gets lumped up as "Sam and Dean" as if his POV is the only one important. (Reference to what Billy told Jack to get him to agree. It was pitched as if his sacrifice to take out Chuck is the only way to earn both their forgiveness. But that's only true for Dean. Not Sam.)

- Dean knows Sam isn't going to like it. That's why he hasn't told him yet.

- BABA YAGA!!! (Wonder if there'll be any references to her hut on chicken legs.)

- *LOL* Poor bong girl.

- So, hallucinating or teleportation? (Apparently hallucination)

- Sammy to the rescue?

- Well, he got to help....

(Commercial) (Still disappointed that there was no mention of her hut on chicken legs or the fact that she rode around on a mortar and pestle. She felt more like an SPN interpretation of IT.)

- "You tell the truth more because you know that lies don't make anything better." (Is that an anvil I hear falling in the distance?)

- Okay. That (Dean fessing-up to Sam) predictably went horribly, but I'm glad it did. I'm glad Sam had a freaking voice. And an opinion. And wouldn't let Dean talk him around. Because he's right. It was shitty to hide it from him. And the plan is shitty. He knows what it's like to be the guy who has to die to save the world. And he's right to have ethical questions.

- "You wouldn't have handled it." (Or however it was phrased is Dean's internal justification for why he's right and Sam isn't. And why it was okay to hide it from him.)

(Post-episode thoughts)

(And again, apologies if these aren't exactly coherent.)

I liked the Weechester parts. Gotta admit, it took me a bit to warm up to the new actors, but I think that's mostly because we had Colin Ford for a good long run, and Dylan Everett for a decent amount of time too. I kind of got used to them. But these two did a good job.

I felt the writing for their parts might have had a few continuity issues. This was supposed to be in 1993 right? (Have only watched through it once so far.) So Sam would have been 10-ish (depending on the time of year) and Dean would have been 14. (Probably safe to assume this wasn't intended to be early January.) And it took place sometime after the flashbacks from "Just My Imagination" but before "After School Special" or "Bad Boys" So I found it a bit odd that Sam already is being shown as not wanting to hunt. (When in "Just My Imagination" he wanted to join his Dad and Dean on the hunt. And in After School Special he was definitely not about hunting but he hadn't seemed to considered that he even had the option to try for anything else. So I found it odd that they had a 10-year-old already looking at books about going to college. I feel like maybe if this had taken place a few years later maybe that would have made more sense? Ah well, I still enjoyed it overall.

Now, about the MOTW, I was all giddy when they revealed it was the Baba Yaga. (When I was in band in college, we played a musical piece from "Pictures at an Exhibition" titled "The Hut of the Baba Yaga". And I hadn't heard of it before that so I did some research on it and found out it was basically the Russian folklore version of the Boogy Man. She lived in a hut that walked around on fowls' leggs, and she rode around on a mortar and pestle, and she was greatly feared. So, they got the "greatly feared" part right. But.... (just did some double-checking on the episode) OKAY! So, I take it back. They didn't make a HUGE deal of it, but the motel where it all happened was called the "Rooster's Sunrise". So yey! They did have a nod to the Hut on Fowl's Legs thing! And it's not anything close to a hut, but it does have wooden siding on the upper part of it. (Like, not painted wood, but wooden-wood. *LOL*) Still though, overall I was getting more of an "IT" vibe from it. (At least the old IT, with Tim Curry. I haven't seen the new one.)

I did think they did an overall good job with the creepiness factor. But in the end, it didn't feel like she had much of a personality. She was just kind of there to move the plot where it needed to go.

To me, I felt like most of the emotional weight of the episode was on the secret Dean was keeping from Sam. And you could tell that it was eating at him. But at the same time, he didn't want to go there. Because he knew Sam would react badly.

Before I get to that though, I want to touch on something I mentioned up in my notes, after the conversation Billy and Dean had. She said that she'd gotten Jack to agree to the plan by saying that the only way to earn their forgiveness was by dying to end Chuck's threat. (I know, in this episode she specifically said Dean. But in the last episode, when Jack was telling Cas about it, he'd said Sam and Dean. So either he's merged them together in his head, or Billy did when pitching it, or she just left an open implication and he took it.) Either way, there's still that idea floating around out there that Sam and Dean are a matched-set, and that what one wants, the other wants too. Despite the fact that that's not how it plays out. And despite the fact that Sam has pretty openly shown Jack that he's forgiven him, and cares about him, and that Jack doesn't need to "earn" his affection. So why is Dean the only one who matters here?

Maybe it's the writers lumping them both together when convenient? But the fight between Sam and Dean at the end of this episode shows that they're not on the same page as far as Jack is concerned, so the writers DO know. Does Billy see them as a single unit? Or is it the opposite? Has she been coming to Dean with her plans and talks because it's easier for her to manipulate him? Because Sam's the one who stops to ask things like "Does Amara deserve to die? Does Jack deserve to die? Is there another way to do this? (Should I maybe NOT lock myself into a coffin and then yeet myself into the ocean?)" She was pretty firm to Dean about "getting his house in order" because she wants the plan to go smoothly. Is that because she knows Sam could/would find a way to stop it if he's not on-board? I mean, old Death was very aware of how persistent Sam could be if he put his mind to something.

Anyway, forgive my ramblings. Most of my questions don't have answers yet, but sometimes it helps to get them actually written out.

As for the fight between the brothers at the end, I'm actually glad it happened. I get where Dean is coming from. He's focused on the goal (getting out from under Chuck's control) and especially since he and Sam aren't the sacrificial lambs this time around, he's willing to let Jack do what he needs to do in order to get the job done. Especially since Jack seems to be willing.

(Though I do have issues with the fact that Jack is willing because he thinks it's the ONLY way he can earn forgiveness. But, that is yet another parallel to Sam from S5, who not only knew and accepted that he was the only one who could stop Lucifer, but that it was all apparently his fault and he needed to atone. When in fact, he was just one of MANY who'd had a hand in the Apocalypse happening. And I'd say most of the blame for it fell on the angels and demons. Both Winchesters broke seals without knowing it. Sam thought he was outright preventing a seal from being broken. But regardless... I wonder if Sam sees this too, at least from the perspective of "I know what this feels like, and it sucks, and Jack doesn't deserve this, and there HAS to be some other way!" I guess my point is, emotional manipulation can be considered a form of coersion. Letting Jack believe that this is the only way to be forgiven, holding that forgiveness over his head... how much "free will" is actually going on here if that's why he's willing to go through with it?)

Sorry, tangents. I tend to live in them. *LOL* So yeah, while I don't agree with Dean's mindset, I do get why he feels the way he does. And I'm just glad that Sam wasn't written as "a little upset but willing to let it go." Down to his bones he knows this is wrong. And he let Dean know. And I'm also glad that he's asking the questions he's been asking. It's not a weakness as Dean kind of implied. (With the whole "you can't get the job done.") Sam isn't being wishy-washy. He just cares about what's right. Chuck or no Chuck, it still matters to him. And getting what you want "by any means"... well, he's been down that road himself. He knows how that can end. And plus, he cares about Jack. Like, genuinely cares about him, as a person. Not just what he can do for them. Not because he's powerful. But for who he is.

Also, I don't know if it was intentional, or just the way it came off to me, but I feel like... well, for a lot of this season to be honest, Dean's view of what and who is "vitally important" has severely shrunk down. To like, himself and Sam. I'm not saying he'll tell everyone to go hang. But I feel like maybe as a reaction to finding out how much of their lives were "set-up" he kind of withdrew emotionally. He's more willing to let go of other people they care about. The connections he forms don't feel as strong as they used to even a season or two ago. Like, in "The Gamblers", he felt a little sorry for the other people trapped there, but he was willing to get what they needed and get out of there. Sam was the one who insisted on trying to free them too.

And speaking of Sam, at the end of last season I felt like one of the reasons why he went along with Dean's plan (to lock Jack up) despite how he CLEARLY didn't like it, and everything about it felt wrong, was that at that point in time he severely doubted his own judgement. Because by that point, so many of his decisions which had been made with good intentions and with the best information he'd had at the time wound up blowing-up in his face. (i.e. Training the AU refugees into Hunters to help them with Dean/Michael and then after with just Hunting in general only to have most of them slaughtered by Michael. And him trying to give Nick a chance because he knew what it was like to be branded as evil for things that had been done to you. And he knew what it was like to be a vessel for Lucifer. And then when Nick went off the rails and they caught him that first time, they handed him over to Donna, because he was a human so they thought they'd let human justice deal with him. And then he escaped and hurt Donatello and was trying to free Lucifer, and Sam almost beat him to death but then stopped, because he didn't want to kill him in what he felt was cold blood. (Though I'd argue self-defense would've been valid.) After which Nick hit him repeatedly in the head with a rock and almost DID free Lucifer, which Jack stopped, but that lead to Mary's death and, and, and, the list goes on. So by the time they figured out (somewhat, I don't think they ever got the full story) what happened to Mary, I think Sam was feeling like he couldn't trust his own judgement, and so he let Dean lead. And that... didn't go well.

So I'm glad that he is starting to question again. He'd started to with Mrs. Butters but then everything seemed fine, but as they found out, he should have heeded his instincts and researched her more. And now this. At the end of last season when the idea of Jack dying/being killed came up he said he wasn't okay with it, and he did run to try to stop Dean, but I feel like there's more assertiveness behind it now. He's not saying "Please don't do this!" he's saying "This is NOT okay! I'm NOT going to accept this! No!"

So, in conclusion: Overall I liked the episode, though for me anyway, most of the emotional weight came from the secret Dean was keeping and then what happened when he finally told Sam. I did however like some of the little moments, like young!Dean's line about "We made a pretty good team." and it's callback to the Pilot episode.

I'm sorry this got a bit rambly. Again.

#spn 15x16 spoilers #spn season 15 spoilers #episode review #my thoughts #tangents: i tend to live in them #sam winchester #dean winchester #young!sam winchester #young!dean winchester #weechesters #teenchesters #keeping secrets #the baba yaga

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365days365movies · 3 years

Text

Western August V: Broken Arrow (1950) - Recap (Part Two) and Review

Where’s Jay SIlverheels, by the way?

This is, like, one of his most acclaimed roles, and he hasn’t shown up anywhere yet. Well, before he does, I should elaborate on why I care so goddamn much.

As I said last time, Silverheels was cast as Tonto in 1949, and became the most recognizable Native American or First Nations face in the United States. At the same time as him, another actor was working. His name was Iron Eyes Cody, and he actually also appears in Broken Arrow...somewhere. Cody made his career as a makeup artist...who specialized in redface. Yeah, that’s a weird-ass thing for a Native American actor to take part in, right?

Silverheels and Cody worked together on Broken Arrow, but Jay thought something was off. Still, the two went on in their respective careers. But they would go in two completely different directions.

During the time of Jay’s rise to fame, the Native American Civil RIghts Movement also began. This culminated in 1969 when Richard Oakes, LaNada Means, John Trudell (pictured above) and the Indians of All Tribes protest group occupied Alcatraz for 18 months. Yeah, the prison in the San Francisco Bay. It was originally native lands, so they took it back...until the government stepped in and ended the protest. But that’s a WHOLE other story. The point is, shit was changing. And suddenly, Jay Silverheels was enemy number one.

Like I said before, Hollywood and Native Americans never had the best relationship. Or even a good one. Hell, there’s a 1915 article written by a film executives that said they stole from film sets, but were trustworthy if provided tobacco and firewater, which is NOT AN EXAGGERATION AT ALL OF WHAT THAT DUDE SAID. And extending to Jay’s role of Tonto, Native American depictions in film were quite stereotypical. Broken and simplified English, savage behaviors and a misunderstanding of Western technology, headfeathers and hollering...you know, real racist shit. And since Jay was kind of the face of that to America...his career didn’t go well. And it REALLY didn’t help that he leaned into it.

youtube

Look, Jay was a massive advocate for the Native American Civil Rights movement, and he made that well-known on every possible occasion. However, he also treated Tonto as more of a parody of himself, performing the role for talk shows and commercials, like this above commercial for pizza rolls. And yeah, people were NOT FUCKING HAPPY about that. Native Americans labeled him an “Uncle Tomahawk”, and he was shunned in the community. Meanwhile, Jay’s career was absolutely tanking, barely getting any rolls after 1970. To make things worse, he has a stroke that year. And to make things EVEN worse...let’s get back to Iron Eyes fucking Cody.

In 1971, Iron Eyes Cody was cast by the Keep America Beautiful organization as the “Crying Indian” in their Earth Day commercial. This is the most successful commercial in the history of television, and it launched Iron Eyes Cody into fame as the most recognizable Native American face in the country, if not in the world. He met three Presidents, the Pope, got a stamp, was nominated for statehood...just, ludicrous amounts of acclaim and fame. When asked what his tribal lineage was, he would claim that he was of Cherokee and Cree descent. Just like Johnny Depp did! Which is fitting, because just like Johnny Depp...

IRON EYES CODY WASN’T NATIVE AMERICAN AT ALL

Born Espera Oscar de Corti, he was an Italian kid from Louisiana. Yeah. This guy, this motherfucking guy, made his career playing pretend as a Native American. Remember when I said he was a makeup artist for films, making people look more authentically redface? Yeah, he did that as his job AND AS HIS LIFE. He would also always wear his Native American costume in public, which even Native Americans thought was fucking weird.

And Jay Silverheels KNEW this, by the way. He found out while the two were working together...on Broken Arrow. Which, of course, is why I brought this up. So this must’ve been a goddamn gutpunch for the poor guy. He’s labeled Uncle Tomahawk, while Cody’s being lauded as the best Native American actor ever, AND HE ISN’T EVEN NATIVE AMERICAN. Jesus Christ, this sucks.

Jay Silverheels died of a second stroke in 1980, at the age of 67. Iron Eyes went on to be on Mister Rogers, got even more film roles, and died a successful man in 1999, at the age of 94. There was an attempt to expose him in 1996, but that attempt got backlash from a fuckton of people, including within the Native American community. Only after his death was he finally revealed as the son of Sicilian immigrants who played a fake Native American for the cameras. And to be fair, he did give to Native American charities and causes, he was an advocate for Native American rights, and he at least raised the awareness of Native Americans to people who may not have known or cared about them otherwise. And yet, despite that...

Fuck Iron Eyes Cody. He’s still a dick.

Time to get back to Broken Arrow, huh? Here’s Part One if you missed it!

Recap: Part 2

After the gross-ass flirtation between the two the next day, Cochise arrives to tell Jeffords that he’ll allow the mail through, but nobody else. Jeffords takes the news back to Tucson, and nobody believes him. He’s given resistance specifically from John Lowrie (Robert Griffin), who bets Jeffords money that five mail riders won’t make it through. Jeffords takes the bet, and Milt Duffield is the first to volunteer to ride.

Duffield and four other riders make it through. But in the process, a military wagon train is ambushed by Chochise and his men and slaughtered. This seeming dichotomy leads the men of Tucson to believe that Jeffords is a traitor and siding with the Apache. In response, after a tence-ass altercation in a bar, the men mob together and IMMEDIATELY TRY TO LYNCH HIM JESUS CHRIST

He’s saved at the last minute by General Oliver Howard (Basil Ruysdael), who asks Jeffords to ask for a meeting with Cochise. He agrees to arrange it, if the peace-seeking General agrees to come alone. He does, as the General is actually a decent-ass dude. He’s not racist, and he believes that the Apache should be allowed their territory as well. Sick.

Also sick is the fact that the romance between Jeffords and Sonseeahray is going ahead towards marriage! Gross! Fucking gross. Cochise approves of this, and arranges it with the parents, despite warning them of the troubles ahead. However, that night, Jeffords is almost killed in his sleep by one of the tribesmen. Jeffords stops it, and Cochise intervenes, ashamed by the actions of one of his people. This is Nahilzay (John War Eagle), a rival suitor of Sonseeahray, and a traitor to Cochise’s word. So, to act upon his honor, Cochise kills him. Whoof.

The General comes for the treaty, while Sonseeahray prepares for their wedduuuuuuchh. Sorry, threw up in my mouth a little just then. Anyway, four days pass, and the men of the Apache Tribes have gathered to attempt a peace negotiation with the General. After a round of questions by the generals, the two Americans leave. And at this point, a dissenting voice rises. This voice does not believe the Americans. He says that the Apache don’t need this treaty, but need a new chief who is not softened to war.

But Cochise rightly notes that the Americans are growing in strength, and the Apache are shrinking. He puts it to a vote, and while some men leave, the majority of the Apache agree to peace. The leader of these men takes a new name: Geronimo (Jay SIlverheels). Sick. Geronimo and his new allies leave, ready to continue the war in the stead of the other Apache. But still, overall, there is a tentative peace that’s been struck.

But, of course, Geronimo doesn’t care about peace. He and his men ambush a stagecoach party, accompanied by Jeffords. But Jeffords is able to put out smoke signals that bring Cochise’s Apache to their aid, chasing off these renegades. Looks like the treaty’s working after all! I’m sure that it’s not gonna backfire even a little bit.

Anyway, the wedduuuuching between Jeffouuuughrds and Sonseeeewahray takes place and I stop myself from vomiting all over my computer. There, a wedding prayer is said, and that prayer has been mistaken for being an authentic Apache Prayer for 71 years. It comes from THIS FUCKING MOVIE.

Sixteen days pass, and the peace treaty is still intact. Jeffords and Sonseeahray wax poetic about their love, and I feel like burying my head in the couch pillows to GET AWAY FROM THIS. But that’s interrupted by the arrival of Bob Slade (Mickey Kuhn), the son of racist farmer Ben Slade. He claims that the Apache have stolen their horses, which Cochise doubts. Still, on Jeffords’ suggestion, they go to investigate. And of course...it’s an ambush by Ben Slade, John Lowrie, and their compatriots.

The men fire away, aiming for Cochise. They miss him, and instead hit Jeffords and Sonseeahray, who tagged along for some reason. Slade is killed by Cochise, who escapes with his life. The men realize how severely they’ve fucked up, and they take off for Mexico. Fuck you guys. Jeffords lives, only to see that Sonseeahray is dead. When Cochise returns to find Jeffords and the survivors, they also notice a still-living settler. Jeffords wants to kill him, but Cochise stops him, now fully believing in peace.

Although he grieves, he also recognizes that Sonseearray was a Girl in the Refrigerator all along, and her death has inspired TRUE peace between the settlers and the Apache. And...that’s it.

That’s it?

That’s...one of the most sudden and anticlimactic endings I’ve seen in a while. I’m a little disappointed, to be honest. But OK, before I get on a tangent, let’s do a full review, huh?

Review

Short preamble! I did like this movie...mostly. It’s kind of haunted by the whole underage love interest and the redface. Hard for me to see past that, BUT IF I TRY...I can acknowledge that this is a good movie. I didn’t even mention that it’s loosely based off of a true story! Yeah! Tom Jeffords and Cochise actually did have a relationship. It’s a VERY different story, but their friendship really did exist.

If I was gonna guess my rating ahead of time...I’ll go with a 76%-80%. But let’s see how that holds up in the breakdown.

Cast and Acting - 7/10: Despite the position he’s in, Jimmy Stewart still turns out a great performance in this movie. Sure, watching him kiss Debra Paget make me cry on the inside and outside, but he was good in the role of Jeffords, especially when up against the racist settlers. Jeff Chandler also manages to be good, despite the fucking redface. And Jay Silverheels...Jay was great, even though I thought his role would be more than a single scene. As for the rest...Paget was bad. She was not good in this movie, sorry. And everybody else was basically just OK. Nothing to write home about.

Plot and Writing - 9/10: This was a solid-ass story, and I liked almost every part of it...save the underage romance. Which, no, I AM NOT FORGETTING ABOUT. Dude, Jeffords didn’t do that in real life. So, for the love of GOD, why make his fictional bride fucking 15? Guys...gross. Really fucking gross, Albert Maltz. Other than that, you did a great job, I just wish that wasn’t a part of it. Ugh.

Directing and Cinematography - 10/10: Yeah, Delmer Daves is a legend. I thought of writing the into to these recaps on him, but I really wanted to talk about Jay Silverheels and Iron Eyes Cody. But I’ll get my chance; Delmer Daves also directed 3:10 to Yuma, so I’ll bring him up one of these days. Anyway, Delmer Daves does a great job with this movie, and it’s gorgeously shot. Ernest Palmer is cinematographer, and he also does an excellent job.

Production and Art Design - 9/10: Sure, the settlers look generic, but the Native Americans? Excellent costume design, with a lot of authenticity packed in there. Credit where credit’s due, here.

Music and Editing - 7/10: Well, the music is great here, if not extraordinarily memorable. Hugo Friedhofer does the composition, and he does a great job. But is it iconic? Eh. Not really. I don’t remember it having a massive impact on me, unfortunately. And the editing...is also OK. That ending is weirdly paced for me, and very abrupt. But J. Watson Webb Jr. does a decent enough job, I think.

That’s an 84%. Huh. Genuinely thought it’d be lower.

This is a good movie, don’t get me wrong. But it’s...complicated. I would recommend it with warnings, I’ll put it that way. Good, great even...but complicated. Outside of that, I have to admire the stance to put Native American tribes on a equal stance, respect-wise. For the time, and for the genre, that’s a rarity. So, as always, credit where credit’s due.

Next up, we continue our foray into the classic Western...but stick with Jimmy Stewart. I wanna give him a second chance. And hopefully, this one doesn’t include a romance with a fifteen year-old. Hopefully.

Next: The Naked Spur (1953); dir. Anthony Mann

#broken arrow #film:broken arrow #broken arrow 1950 #delmer daves #james stewart #jeff chandler #debra paget #jay silverheels #western august #western genre #user365 #365 days 365 movies #365 movie challenge #mygifs #my gifs

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crqstalite · 3 years

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You've been visited by the random writing prompts goblin!! - Write about your character just... talking. Are they talking to themselves, or with someone else? What kind of slang or phrases do they use often? Do they have an accent?

I really should quit writing these one-on-one scenes with Kodelyn and Lali (and maybe y’know, with their actual partners) but I couldn’t get the prompt out of my head! I love them too much and Citlali’s POV is one of my favorites to write -- she goes off on a lot of tangents and I find it more funny and entertaining that anything. Way different than I write Kodelyn’s. Probably should do more shippy writing at some point, but some point is not now.

Post-war. Word count: 2,008. no warnings.

“Y’know, she even said she might even put a good word in for me,” Citlali leans back in her chair, grinning around her straw, “Might be a real flight lieutenant, give or take like a decade. No more stowaway-ing for me.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Yeah. Dealing with ships is more my speed than people. Biotic regiment sounds too...I don’t know, challenging? Out there? For little old me.” The younger woman sighs, throwing a hand over her forehead dramatically, “Plus I’d have to work with our dear Major Alenko of all people. As if I don’t see enough of him now, he’d be my actual CO this time around.”

“Yep.”

“Still, that’s years out when the galaxy gets it’s head back on straight. Think they’re just absurdly shortstaffed right now. Not even sure whether this is a good idea or not, I mean, I spent half my life afraid of what I could do and now? Supernova. Might as well make good use of this.” She snaps her fingers, “Like lighting...something on fire. Damn it, lost the analogy that quickly.”

“That’s great.”

Citlali straightens in her chair again, looking around the atrium and shaking her cup, ice rattling inside of the plastic. The Citadel was rebuilding, after nearly a year and a half after the war had ended, and a few wards were getting back to the idea of normal. If one went wandering, one could probably still see the scars and missing shops, homes and even nearly half a ward on the other side. Yet, here they were, at a little fast food place, still very much alive and thriving.

Suck on that, Reapers. Shepard 3, Reapers 0.

The energy in the food court is different from where it had been before the Citadel had been moved to Sol. Less nervous energy to burn, less fatalistic views being preached from every corner of the Presidium. Life was getting back to good. Summer was right around the corner on Earth at least. Less death and mass murder at the hands of the Reaper putting a dampener on dinner.

She squints at her sister. Kodelyn Shepard, entirely off duty, was still in something that made Citlali think she was going to spar with James. Offhandedly she wonders if she would ever take her up on that offer to get a full wardrobe beyond the one or two shirts, jeans and boots she owned. Considering she rarely saw Kaidan out of anything similar, she’d have to do something about that soon.

She’d always looked nice in yellow.

However, said Shepard has a smile just gently tugging at the corners of her mouth while one hand flies over her omni-tool’s keyboard, not a glance up to where Citlali is.

She’s not paying attention. Probably hasn’t been since she started talking nearly five minutes ago. Her offhanded responses have gotten better though, Kodelyn almost had her fooled that she was carrying on a two-way conversation. Probably should’ve gotten suspicious when she didn��t actually offer anything to the conversation. Or when she opened the omni-tool to begin with. Multi-tasking had always been a skill that she had, not so much one that Citlali did.

“Anything good?” Citlali reaches over the table to gently (alright, she’ll admit it wasn’t all that gentle) pull at her sister’s wrist. A quick glance at the ID tells her all she needed to as she slumps back in the chair, “Damn, speak of the devil! You haven’t been listening to a single thing I’ve said have you?”

“Hey!” Kodelyn yanks her hand back, swiping at the screen a few times, “I have been listening.” She retorts indignantly.

“Have you?” Citlali raises an eyebrow. She hasn’t been, but knowing her sister, she’s good enough at halfway paying attention to reconstruct what she’s said well enough that she wouldn’t be able to accuse her otherwise.

Damn her. Sound doesn’t turn to soup whenever multiple conversations are going on around her. Lucky.

“Yes! I have.”

“Uh huh,” Citlali gnaws at the straw, wickedly grinning when she returns to typing, “Anything dirty?”

“No!” Kodelyn yelps, closing the UI, and dropping her face into her hands as Citlali cackles at her own jab, “Would you give it a rest?”

“I would, if he didn’t take over every waking thought of yours.” Citlali playfully presses a finger into her vulnerable forehead, “Fi-an-ce, brother-in-law-to-be or otherwise, you could at least spare your maid of honor and baby sister twenty minutes of your undivided attention.”

Kodelyn softly smiles. She’s at least genuinely apologetic, leaning back into her own chair with her hands out in front of her, “I know. And I’m sorry, just...”

“I know. He’s important. This whole shing-ding you have planned for the dead of summer is important. Actually, why the middle of July? Do you know how sticky July is? How humid it is to my poor hair? And yours?” Citlali gets a bit carried away (well that was on Kodelyn, July was the month of the devil. But then again she’d never been to Vancouver in July...and she was getting carried away again), “But have you spent a single second today not on that thing?”

“You know, I don’t just use it to talk to Kaidan. There is spectre business to attend to as well. Just because the war ended didn’t mean that work did.”

“Really? You had me fooled, thought he was the only contact in there,” Citlali snickers as Kodelyn rolls her eyes, “I get it, you’re still important and you’re still really busy. I respect that. Just sometimes I just want to know what’s going on with you without having to hear it secondhand, or on my ‘tool.”

“As if you haven’t been equally quiet the last few months.”

“I haven’t! I even sent the RSVP note back. In pen. That’s how much it meant to me.”

“That was your writing? Thought Mason got ahold of it. Kaidan and I could barely tell who it was from.”

“Ok, glad we can agree our baby brother writes like a chicken, but my handwriting is not that bad!” Kodelyn snickers as Citlali pops the cap off her cup, rattling around the ice at the bottom of the cup. Pink liquid still hangs onto the cubes, which meant the last of the juice was still hiding from her. She sucks on the straw anyway, “We have all the time in the galaxy now and we still just keep missing each other. Twice you were presumed or actually dead -- three if you want to count the original battle of the Citadel, and sometimes it still doesn’t feel real that you’re sitting across from me, very much alive and kicking. Three times I had to come to terms with the fact you might actually be gone.”

Kodelyn’s expression softens at her admission, “Is that why you keep trying to invite me out to ‘girl’s nights?’ Because you just want to make sure I’m still here?”

“No that’s mostly mom, you really have to start answering those. Occasionally Tali whenever she’s here, she’s asks after you, y’know. Liara and I hang out sometimes. Not as much fun, she’s as quiet as you sometimes and I’m not an archeologist. Or information broker. Or Asari. Not much we can talk about that isn’t confidential or something way out of my realm of understanding -- not like she wants to talk about the newest extranet series either.” Citlali remarks. She did genuinely like Liara, even if their interests were on opposite sides of the galaxy. Maybe she should bother the Asari a bit more before she took off again into the unknown, wherever said unknown was. What did a Shadow Broker do all day?

Beyond the point though, “Look, I won’t get sappy, but the piece of your pie chart that’s dedicated to me means a lot. It’s good when I don’t nearly get a heart attack every time you’re on the news.”

“If it was that serious-”

“-And it’s not.”

“If it is,” Kodelyn continues, “I’ll always be here. Just a call away.”

“I had to schedule this a week in advance, Dee.” Citlali gestures with her pretty much empty cup, though backs down a moment later, “Maybe I’m being a bit ridiculous, but I can count on one hand how many just...days like this we’ve spent together since the war ended. I mean, you could probably count everyday I was in your hospital room, but those are technically invalid since you weren’t conscious for most of them.”

“You know better than anyone that I’ve been pulled in thirteen different directions at once, not all of them as fun as you make them out to be. And yeah, you’re right, maybe I haven’t been making as much of an effort as I could be to spend some 1-on-1 time with you.” Kodelyn taps her nails on the table, thinking while the conversation lulls, “You still mean everything to me Lali. I’ll be better, just give me some time to figure all of this out, okay?”

Time, all they had was time these days. And yet it felt like she’d blinked, the war happened, and she was sitting in a hospital waiting room for hours on end. Blinked again, and she found herself back in her own apartment, her own bed, her semi-old life. Startling, almost like none had passed at all between when she’d picked up that call from Miranda to now. And yet, now it didn’t feel like she was wasting any of it by pulling her sister away to do something silly or inane. Death was no longer rapping at their door with increasing ferocity, almost like a much too determined salesman. Felt like they’d managed to crucible it across the front lawn and send it scrambling.

“Yeah, of course. Just...for the record.” She shrugs. The cup is finally empty, making an ugly noise when she sucks on the straw, instead still gnawing on it, “All we have is time these days. And I’m not being sarcastic, we honestly do. We’ll see the passing of another century given something else doesn’t try to annihilate the galaxy.”

“Yeah, if they could wait until after the next Council summit as well as after the wedding, that’d be great.” Her sister says, flickering open her UI again, “I spent way too much time helping planning both of those to have them ransacked by the next Harbinger.”

“Oh yes!” Citlali grins, “Councilor Shepard-Alenko, that’ll be the day. Yes ‘Reapers’, we have dismissed that claim already.”

“I still haven’t accepted,” Kodelyn laughs, turning her wrist to show Citlali something, “And I might not, I’ll recommend Petrakis but that’s as far as I’m going to help them find a proper representative. I’m not really Councilor material, and Kaidan’s had to remind me I can’t exactly hang up on them if they’re standing right next to me.”

“Really? Finally time to kick back and settle down with you, huh? Nice little place in Vancouver? Here? Part of me is going to be surprised if I see you in anything other than a t-shirt and jeans.”

“Probably not forever, but there is a piece of my pie chart dedicated to not driving myself up the wall anymore,” She gently presses her finger into Citlali’s forehead, making her chuckle, “Not such a bad thing. And I wore that spring dress you bought for me last month.”

“The day you step back from all this,” Citlali waves her arms around them, “Is the day I eat my hat.”

“I’m capable of more than just all this.” Kodelyn gestures similarly, “It’ll be nice to step back and enjoy what we saved. Preferably not from a war room anymore.”

“Never thought I’d peel you out of one,” Citlali says, “Mrs. Kaidan Alenko.”

“You have to get tired of saying that at some point.” Kodelyn’s partially right, though it amuses her. Sort of sweet at times.

“Will I? I don’t think so.”

“Really?” Kodelyn raises an eyebrow, “So how soon can I call you Mrs. Jeff Moreau?”

“New topic!”

#kodelyn shepard #citlali shepard-velasquez #oc #original character

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years

Text

even more prompts catchup

April 5th: What was school like for you, or what is it currently like for you if you are still in school? Elementary, high school, post-secondary?

i Hate/d school lmfao......like i do Like To Learn and Know Shit, and of course Sometimes / on some occasions it was like, hey i'm having a good to pretty great time at school, but those were usually Special occasions or teachers going out of their way to give us you know, fun projects / go beyond the Standardized Testing curriculum, which natch they couldn't always do / did require sort of going Above & Beyond, rather than being the constant, guaranteed experience of like hooray for school......it's like, oh hooray re: the Play Scenes my fourth grade english class did that was like, an Extra thing, where we got to audition and i just had a great time like oh right, clearly Theatre in retrospect, or hooray re: the field trips, or projects we did In Class, since i hated homework.......i was always that accursed (i mean, not accursed for Me, but) combination of "really a terrible student but also gets great grades" lmao i forever do things Last Minute but like, when i was At school, in class, i'd just power through whatever work there was then & there usually, and in middle school would sometimes do hw on the bus, as i was the last on the bus route to be picked up in the morning or dropped off in the afternoon, but as soon as i got home i was in Home Mode and yknow. didn't just sit down and continue School Stuff asap. also hardly ever Studying unless it's the night / morning before a test lmfao but i had a great memory for that stuff, so studying that last minute was like "yep, i Do remember this from going over it 2 seconds ago" so yknow, despite hating school / no good Study Habits(tm) or anything, i did fine. i also read a ton, at home or at school and at any other point. so i was also like, quiet and generally ~well behaved~ or whatever lol (the like "how are kids (or anyone) supposed to stay focused and on task for 7+ hours a day..." thing), segue into next paragraph

i also remember like, 3 day a week preschool being the first time i was, you know, in some sort of School and also around other kids that much, i did have this sense that like, somehow there were Rules that i wasn't following, not re: Classroom Rules or something, but wrt socializing with peers, like that everyone else had something going on in how they interacted which i wasn't gonna get right, & i had this sense of like, not really being Allowed to interact lmao, even being 4 years old i have a few distinct memories re: this of like, a) choosing to play by myself in the classroom or when outside, and b) my "best friend" being the one person who just like, chose to hang out with me lmfao, but i was like oh cool Having A Friend lmao, like i didn't Not want to have friends, i was just already aware of like, i don't feel like i can just up and interact w/these people and i don't feel like they want me to, and c) re: that being aware of whatever Rules Of Interaction existing and that i wouldn't meet them / abide by them and thus there'd be some kind of repercussion for not meeting those rules, and not being allowed, i remember that like. there was this other indoor playspace in the lower level and there were toys i wanted to play with but Refrained from, and it was like, why did 4 yr old me get the idea i Wasn't Really Allowed, and most of what i can theorize is that it was like, well other kids might want to play with that, and the Normal / Better kids should get priority lmao, and/or being nervous that it just might otherwise lead to some sort of Interaction i wouldn't feel ready for.....and d) sitting at a table with like whatever 4 or 5 other kids or something and amongst ourselves someone was like "oh put your foot in the middle if you're [x]" and i tried to join in on a technicality lmfao and also just in, you know, active efforts to be Participating with these other kids on their terms, and it did not pay off, something that repeated uhhhhh, forever i guess lol. insert that post like can allistic people be normal for 5 seconds.....

like in elementary school i wasn't really making friends either, incredibly, i was Amicably Tolerated by many people then & like, again also at any point after at least lmao (and it helps that i was generally in teachers' good graces, not that i narced on anyone ever, but i had like, my Niche as the Academically Successful One, and also i was the kid who draws, another shoutout to some post and tweet about how being The Drawing Kid was like, some measure of respect but also disdain lmfao...) and sometimes people would again like. choose to interact with me repeatedly, and i'd sort of be nonplussed at best b/c it's like, okay thanks but in this situation i didn't Choose this any more than i choose [Trying to be in the group but being rejected/excluded], so it's kinda weird, i was friends with someone for a few years in elementary school but we just were Coincidentally in the same class for those years, when we were in different classes in 3rd or 4th grade and just weren't seeing each other it fizzled out, in middle school i made another couple friends where we were all being Funny lmao, but i didn't go to high school, so once again we weren't seeing each other, and [At School] was where i always had most Interactions with people, didn't see people much outside of school even if we were hanging out / being friends During school, for [a whole tangent] reasons, so. guess the good news is i'm still in touch / friendly acquaintances with some people from school from college, but even then, there was Some more social success or whatever, but not all That much, and i was still unhappy like, not having many friends, often being like "i'm going to the cafe a block away b/c i have no social occasions here and i want to get out of the dorm / be around people," that if i was with more than one other person i could end up the third wheel friend lmao or nobody is paying attention when you talk or oh no i put myself out there hanging with a friend group but maybe people thought you were a joke or something, thanks. smh

and that like, speaking of college, i went early but this was, for my part, truly primarily driven like "well i hate school so if i can Not go to high school, okay" and like, while i got in and everything it was still like "tf is college, i've never known what i Want To Do so i wonder if i'll figure this out, but i'm not expecting to last past the first semester / year b/c this is college and i'm a terrible student actually lol" but then turns out i kept doing well enough like A's & B's like oh woops i guess i'm still here, then, hope i can figure out what tf "credit hours" means (finally did lol).....then sophomore year was a bunch of just Agonizing over "what tf do i major in," something i never figured out, wherein i might bring something up & it got parentally shot down like "never heard you talk about that" like what tf Did you hear me talk about? are you thinking i had my life figured out by age 9, b/c i didn't think that, i'm only 15/16 even Now, even being the Regular college age it's like, nobody's figuring their life out then. also i didn't tell my parents things, so. and then i settle on something that sure, Might've been of interest, but also it was like, a) a program that barely existed and req'd taking classes at a like 30 min away campus and also the head of department had Just retired and the most heinous teacher in the related fields was now in charge, brilliant and b) the sort of thing you'd just wanna start taking prerequisites for like as soon as you set foot on campus, like, great. and c) i was like, hardly feeling all the Academic Ambition anyway b/c i never had, b/c i hate/d school, and b/c i still didn't Know what i wanted to major in, and i was stressed n depressed and also realizing oh right, i'm not cishet, and oh right, i'm never going to get along with my family b/c [long tangent] reasons and that's kind of concerning, here i am impending Being 18 and like, how do i get out of this b/c it's becoming clearer that i'm not just gonna start getting along with the 'rents now that i'm not an elementary schooler and also now that i'm realizing the Reasons being at home sucks. guess i learned stuff in college lol but also it was like, the experience of getting to be Away From Home and existing every day without parents literally / figuratively over my shoulder at some point every day, and getting to do shit on my own and figure things out while Not At Home.....i also had a lot of fun taking a couple classes from this one music prof lol. he was this weird really enthusiastic and really knowledgeable guy lmao like great, these evening classes where we go over to the arts building and he plays things on the piano off the cuff and tells a lot of tangential stories while we're learning about like, beethoven technically, or folk music. didn't need those classes but they were great, i've had these teachers who were totally into whatever they were teaching and had a great time with that

also acknowledgment to the fact i was a No Extracurriculars person all through school, k thru 6 and college alike really, although i took dance class for that k thru 6 period, just that was separate from school actually (and another fun "being away from home" thing and Theatresque performance thing i enjoyed) but besides that it was like, how do i figure out what i want to do without committing to joining this whole thing, i don't know How to sign up for stuff really either, and it'd probably entail "asking for stuff" and needing to coordinate more rides and etc and that's just a hassle, and i wanna go home from school asap anyways, and then like, when it came to college, i was again at first thinking like "well idk what i'm doing and i hate homework so i'll probably mess it up in this first year anyways" and figured that doing anything Extra outside classes was just gonna be too much, and also, it's like, i've never been in these kinds of groups before and why am i gonna start in college, where there'll probably be all these people who Have done this stuff before, and are also 18? e.g. even though it was like "hey you're away from home and don't have to ask/tell anyone else anything to do this club stuff or whatever!" supposed ideal environment for trying stuff out, it was like, maybe i'm theoretically interested in auditioning for the fall theatre production, but the last acting experience i had was like, "2 month drama class in middle school" or "that 4th grade [section of a] play" so like, not really Any education or experience or Training re: any of that stuff, and a bunch of 18 yr olds who might've, or [age peers] who were theatre people who had already done stuff so they weren't getting Lead Roles or anything but they were getting cast / taking classes / joining an a capella group while i'm like right on, i'm over here with some sort of Grade Honor Society (??) saying my gpa qualifies me to join and be able to experience some further academic rigor/requirements lmfao and i'm like absolutely not. get away lol. anyways so bit of a chaotique Post K12 Zone Education Experience there lmfao, all kinds of things i'd Like to Learn and even take classes on, but didn't like, right i love learning languages but never took classes, love math and shit but only got to a certain level of calc and even then seemed to miss some Lore, never did anything re: theatre, etc and so on. so you wonder if some advantages re: high school would be like, more chances for those extracurriculars (or regular curriculars) but, as though i wouldn't have the same qualms about getting in on any of it, and as if i wouldn't've still hated school but also still been at home, F. and i think people can be a lot more normal to each other when it's college and you're Not stuck in one building together 8 hours a day lmao, got some gentle "occasional Bullying style attention" in middle school, but had juuust enough like, [that Niche of good grades / kid who draws] and people who Were friendlier to me that it was you know, unpleasant, but didn't have to be that huge a deal, and then i was outta there soon enough. also, in college many people are 18 or older, as opposed to 11 to 13. anyways the rest of my school story was that in the end the problems were "i don't know what i want to major in and also now's a worse time than ever b/c i've realized my existence At Home is untenable, and naturally i am quite depressed & stressed about things, and i gotta say absolutely virtually every adult presence was either totally unhelpful to Counterproductive here lmao, like, not much anyone could do really but it's helpful when someone is like, i'll treat you like a person vs simply just going 'uh why are you not doing the academic stuff good enough'" lmfao like. the whole time Not having friends i'd wanna talk to through class and happening to get good grades in part b/c i somehow Could as easily as i did and also i was afraid of getting C's or worse b/c "tfw i wasn't even yet in a grade that gave you A thru F grades yet but my older sister caught shit for getting a C

like :/" and etc means adults are like My Student Is Fine, and also, what are you gonna do even if they aren't, i guess. i just had to figure out completely for myself Why and How i really wasn't Fine and that was quite difficult and also took a long time. then there was a mutual prank of "i drop out of college at the tail end of things" and "now i have to be at home with parent/s more resentful of your obvious Waywardness (insert: not being cishet, and the fact it occurs to me that my being autistic was always causing 'problem' behavior i was getting shit for like, the whole time lmfao, even if nobody knew / labeled it like oh this is for ND reasons, or if it was both true i tried to come out (smh, thought i Had to b/c that was part of Not Being Cishet) and it was simply ignored / unaddressed and yet it sure fueled further specific resentment of my not Performing Gender properly, or "worse," so that went well, in that i eventually abruptly left and did not maintain contact, in the interest of "the levels to which i was thriving was like, that if i bailed and like died 50 hrs later it'd still be what i want to do," true to that i did not / don't regret it. and what do you know, i was first able to bail to a relatively nearby friend from college's home, whose family also liked me lmao. shoutout to school still being where i made Any friends, except a friend i made who was a coworker of several years. and Online Friends, which, another school connection, that like, i can more readily Connect w/people via talking about interests, something that happened Sometimes at school in person lmao but not much, but also that i Talk About Interests in a way through Drawing, which, well shoutout to doodling in the margins of papers throughout school lmfao, it didn't hurt! that's my saga.

oh and that footnote, i also really enjoyed the "in middle school you either take language classes or 4 Electives you rotate through each year" and those electives sure featured some more varied and hands on activities i had a great time with. shoutout to like, cooking, and to shop class, my Car Designs were great apparently, idk how. shoutout to my Intuition re: engineering or something lmaoo.....very fun to just end the schoolday in that big garage space where you could actually open that garage door right to where all the buses were, beautiful. Oh, and that's another footnote, when my last class of the day in 8th grade was english, i'd sometimes finish work early and my teacher would let me go to our spacious library, with the v nice librarian who'd recommend books to me she thought should be checked out more often b/c she knew i liked to read that much, and also just generally had teachers / other adult staff kinda wandering in at the end of the day, talk about "i don't really relate to other ppl my age" where i did generally prefer to be around adults, so that was fun. oh and also shoutout to hating school lmao wherein during like, middle school when the schoolday started at like 7:30am or smthing disgusting and i just learned to like, view whatever time it was in a "at least it's almost [x]" like well okay, first period is math and that kinda sucks but at least once it's over this hardest part of the day will be over, then next class is kinda more chill at least, and then it'll be the last period before lunch, etc etc etc where i could sort of keep up that stamina like telling myself at any point it was Almost [a more encouraging time of day] lmao like. kinda fucked up to have to be dragging yourself through the weekdays like that, but

Oh! goddamn and i didn't even get into that if i ever got in ~trouble~ in elementary school it was stuff like Not Paying Attention, but where half the time that might be some other kid beside me messing around lmfao and i'm not gonna be like "uhhh follow the rules!!!" (and that even when i was In Trouble like go sit in the chair where you have to be quiet there for like 10 min i might say something to some other kid in that zone and they'd be like "um it's the quiet chair you have to be quiet!!" or "uh we're getting into the next lesson and you have to put that book back asap" like wow these other kids are dweebs about Rules lmfao) and there'd just be times like, it's 1st grade and i know how to read pretty well already but we're going over the alphabet like stoppp i know the Phonics already........or the ways ND people can kind of Intuit some stuff more successfully, like in third grade learning multiplication i neverrrrr studied but just broke it down like, okay i remember the Fives b/c of telling time, i know the 2x table and stuff, i know the commutative property, if we're all the way at the 8x and i haven't Memorized stuff, i can still like, break it down to say, [5 x 8] + [8 x 2] or something when i see 8 x 7, even if it takes a second lmfao.......and stuff like the tragedy of when i Did make a friend in like, 2nd grade, who i think we didn't even talk to each other ever?? i was playing legos or smthing by myself once during Indoor Recess and she just started playing agreeably along with me, aka someone socializing on My Terms apparently as our Introduction, and we just were friends past that but one time, not even during a Lesson Session, we were messing around quietly making each other laugh as the incredibly important process of "put papers in your folders" was going on, and since we were Not Paying Attention for some reason the teacher made a whole example of it where i had to carry my desk across the classroom for the Shaming Element of it and also so that i had to permanently sit way further from that friend, so that was kind of discouragement re: interacting at all. thank you to that teacher, who'd later once Gesticulate to me from across the gym that i should put my arms down at my sides rather than being crossed (we were rehearsing some class performance) & i had no idea what she was trying to convey, so afterwards she told me i had to have Reduced Recess Time or some shit because of Ignoring her instead of putting my arms down lmfao. and i was irritated at having been misinterpreted / my Intentions dictated to me and punished like that, but i was also used to it from adults lmfao and did not bother explaining myself lol like yeah god forbid i left my arms crossed on purpose and now i have to read some more during recess. tl;dr school has so much nonsense & i def had some Times re: being autistic & also just being someone who hated school forever lmao, think it was Also 2nd grade where one arbitrary sunday night i just cried out of frustration at having to go back for another normal school week. classic. oh and that also, while i wasn't like "oooo booksmart people who hate not having a Definitive Correct Answer to things &/or ohhh autistic ppl So Good at math, in a way everyone hates and disrespects, but they suck at Literature/Arts which requires you to reflect on humanity and shit," like, not only was i the drawing kid but i was also apparently ahead of the curve as it were at like, Literary Analysis lmfao where there was a few times in elementary school i'd be the kid providing the Interpretation like "what's this poem about / what's the theme or Symbolism in this story," but from elementary school to college it's like, for god's sake don't ask me to come up with a story / work with some really open ended prompt, i don't Invent in that way, and when i try to draw on Inspiration i'll get stuck on some specific source and be unable to do anything but just rip it off really lmao. but then again i was prolific in "it's 1st grade and you write and illustrate a little short story or smthing in these booklets

that we then have a simple little binding process for" like ohhh fancy, i got a tootsie roll lollipop at Awards Time for writing a shit ton of those lol. but that's like, when you're too young to have that much of a Creative Process anyways lmao. but then, my older sister, whose Thing was writing, has an incredible 2 Volume like, noir mystery saga from those elementary school times, it's a classic lmao. anyways once again so much to say about School lol closing the door after meandering on that one for this long lol

April 6th: Are you able to drive? If so, was it difficult to learn? What was difficult about it? If not, do you use any alternatives?

i did learn to drive, tbh just universally it's like, at any point you're driving there's A Lot to pay attention to at once, even if you think you're Good At That or whatever, which i sure don't think i always am lol, and it's pretty wild we just, you know, let everyone go around as fast as they want in machines that can kill you or someone else, and this is also Unnecessary b/c like, let's have accessible & reliable public transit so that everyone can travel without Needing to have a car / someone else who will drive them. i didn't think i had too much trouble learning to drive, but it had to help that i just took it very seriously from the start lmao like, well, i'm quite aware i could kill someone with this. the driving classes i took were alright, i remember the instructor being pretty chill and friendly lol. rip to the fact i could be tense when driving with parent/s, when driving a manual i'd always like screech the tires when accelerating out of a Stop, until all at once it was like "and i'm driving that manual car alone on a road trip & wouldn't you know it, only literally once did i have that issue of not getting out of a stop smoothly enough" lmao like the Anxiety......really like yeah i had an alright time learning and think i'm solid enough at driving / like doing it, theoretically, but Driving Is Wild just in general and let's have that public transit

April 7th: How are you with sarcasm and/or metaphors/figures of speech? Do you interpret things very literally?

i think i Usually get what people mean with these Devices but i can't really say lol, but anytime you know, someone is being more Implicit in what they say, plenty of times i can infer one implication and only later realize they probably meant a different one, or yknow, i make whatever initial inference i make and can be stuck like "???" and have to like, mentally run diagrams about the interaction lol......meanwhile i'm not always remembering that like, if i'm shifting context mentally that's necessarily able to be inferred by whoever i'm talking to lol, whether it's about getting into some adjacent topic or like, i don't think it tends to be very clear even in person when i've started being sarcastic lmao, like i know that can be true for anyone but it's like well, guess i gotta make it clearer i'm doing a bit......flipside of that or something lmao that people are more Obvious than they think they are sometimes about like, idk, when someone is sort of making some sarcastic remark to you but the sarcasm is also sort of only to themself, aka just like okay i know you mean this more dismissively / disparagingly than re: what you're saying just at face value lol like. just always fun >:/

#30daysofautismacceptance #2021 #you know that Read More means especially a saga even by my standards lmfao

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flickityfics · 3 years

Text

Chapter 11 Attacked

A/N:Trigger warning: sexual assault, violence

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Sokka woke up feeling relaxed and ready for the day. He'd like to just enjoy the day and sleep in but also wanted to visit Zuko before work. Since it was still early he sat down with his breakfast and got out his letters to read.

"We're glad to hear you're getting along with everyone and staying busy. We miss you Sokka, it sucks that you'll be working longer but we can't wait to see you when we can. Toph says she'd like to know about how your training is going while Aang misses goofing off and making jokes with you. And I miss my big brother as hard as that is for you to believe. I love that you're finally understanding women more, that's a big step for you to acknowledge and you better keep that up, hah. I hope you're taking care of yourself to. Love from all us."

-thegaang

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"Hiya Sokka! You better be careful, sometimes they're dangerous people who go to far messing with women. I know first hand how mean girls can be but hey can't make everyone like you so you minding your own business is just fine. I'm doing good on my side just bit of the same old same old maybe a trip to see you is just what I need to cure my bit of boredom. Definitely look into spirits, I really think that's the answer to your mess. Oh, the second letter I enclosed along with this one is of the anatomy diagram you asked for. I hope it helps! Let me know in your next letter. Best of luck to ya."

-Suki

Sokka gave the diagram a quick scan, he's definitely gonna take a better look and write down notes maybe even take up Zuko's advice and write a book to start educating people.

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Sokka was glad to have kidnapped Zuko on his day off. They were both at the library together with each their own books, he liked watching how serious the fire prince looked reading.

"Pssst, Lee. Could you teach me more about the fire nation?" Sokka knew they had to be quiet since Zuko was quite paranoid but he genuinely wanted to get to know the other teen better, it probably wasn't the most ideal place for this conversation but there isn't really ever a right time or place when he wanted to talk seriously.

"Why do you wanna know?" Zuko furrowed his brows not getting why Miyuki brought up the fire nation out of the blue.

"We'll, I've never been to the fire nation so I'm curious but we don't have to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable just.. tell me about food places you like or the festivals you celebrate from back home."

"Okay, let me just find a book real quickly." Sokka watched as Zuko scanned the library until he found a book and walked back towards their table. Zuko was turning pages when he turned the book around and pushed it towards him. He then went on tell him about the fire nations story, how the school system was setup, the locations of various markets to try out, what festivals they had and represent and what foods they served at said festivals. Sokka took in all the information enthusiastically, he also likes seeing a happy Zuko explain all the things he loved about his home and when his uncle would sneak a young Zuko out to have fun.

"It was my favorite sport that uncle got me in- hey are you listening?" Zuko asked nervously not sure if he lost Miyuki at some point and didn't notice.

Sokka loved the blush that crept on zuko's cheeks, "heh no, I just liked seeing you talking about something that puts a smile on your face." And he wasn't lying, this was a whole new part of Zuko expressing himself and there was so much to him that he wanted to know them all.

"Oh, I was worried I bored you there. Maybe I'll tell you more another time since you gotta head to work now."

"Would like that a lot, hey you wanna walk me to work?" Questioned Sokka.

"Sure." Zuko agreed.

"Let me just grab a book then we can head out." He scanned the rows until he found one called, 'Spirits and their Legends' it seemed pretty helpful.

The two walked out the library passing the lively streets of the city. They watched on as kids played around, an older couple fighting, and shoppers haggling with vendors. The silence was comfortable between them and Sokka had a strange urge to get even closer to Zuko's side.

"So, tell me more about yourself to." Zuko likes that Miyuki asks about himself be he'd also like to know more about her to.

"Mmm, well I learned how to fish at a young age. I sadly grew up to fast, hah in some ways anyway. I mean I had to grow up fast when my mom had died and my father left for the war so I just had my grandma whose quite fragile so I kinda had to teach myself things early on and I never asked anyone for help so it was especially harder." Sokka felt bad to omit quite a bit but he knew his current situation was tough to work around. "I did have fun though, goofed around and lazed about often. I had so many adventures traveling here even if it was by sad means, being driven from my home but I guess you gotta keep strong and find the happy moments or even create them." He looked to Zuko, he never talked like this, not to anyone.

"How were your adventures?" Zuko asked curiously.

"Fun, crazy, dangerous, beautiful and new, it was full of so many things. I want to keep traveling and just pack everything I can learn and see into my head. I got to meet so many people, I keep a journal of everything and everyone I came across, there's so many creatures I wrote about even. Sorry, rambling again. " He apologized.

"I like when you talk like that, it's nice seeing you get so excited and going on tangents or rambles." Zuko grinned down at Miyuki genuinely enjoying everything she had to say.

Sokka slowed down nearing his job and turned to Zuko, "Thanks for walking me and letting me talk your ear off."

"I like our talks especially when you do most of it since I don't talk much. I never really know what to talk about." He admitted.

"That's okay, I get it. Also did you want to try watching the play that starts in two weeks? I forgot what it's about but I heard it's got lots of action."

"Yeah, I heard it's going to be in town for a week, I'll even let uncle know if he doesn't already."

"Great. Alright, I'll get going now. See you tomorrow for training?"

"Come by around one and I'll also teach you more about maps." Zuko waved Miyuki off as he waited until she got through the door into her job safely before heading home himself.

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Sokka couldn't believe how rude the parents were when they finally got back home. They could have at least told him earlier that they'd be so late, he would've charged them more while at it. Watching five kids on his own was miserable, he had to react to each one differently he swore he had an identity crisis. And now he was miserably walking in the dead of night and it was so quiet, it was the creepy kind of quiet where it was to dark and to silent. He was walking when he heard fast footsteps, he didn't have time to react when a figure passed him and snatched his bag running off with it.

He quickly found the guy turning into an alley and caught up enough to push him down grabbing his bag back. Before he could yell at the person on the ground he was grabbed from behind and arms trapped tightly into his sides.

"What a nice catch you got us Kota. The boss will definitely be pleased with us and give us tons of yuan for her."

Sokka did not have a good feeling about this situation. He noticed there was only three guys, the one in front that had already gotten up, one on his right and the other who had a hold of him. The one holding him seemed like the guy running things and guessing by his words he had to get out this fast. He hadn't been trained on fighting multiple fighters so this was gonna be tricky. Being limited on time he hoped his planned work fast enough for him to get away.

He stepped on the bigger one holding him and took advantage of being released to push the one on his left into the brick wall and running up the wall himself gripping the corner edge. Before he could pull himself over he felt his ankle being grabbed and the pain of his cheek hitting the concrete edge then falling hard to the floor knocking the air out of him. Before he recovered he felt a punch to his face and one of the men holding him down as he felt another pair of hands holding his legs. All he could do was shake violently and before he could scream he felt hands pressing over his mouth painfully.

"I love when they struggle. I don't think the people we'll be selling you to will mind if I try the goods first, they'll be getting plenty of use from you anyways. At least this way I won't have to pay myself." The disgusting man above him said.

Sokka could only scream in his head for anyone to save him. He felt tears leaking from his eyes as he felt a hand grope his chest and the other sliding up the dress he wore pulling on his underwear. He tried to struggle hard out the men's hold but it was proving fruitless, he was going to be violated. He strained his voice to spill from the man's hands but they were only muffled, all he could hear was their breathing and the rustling of clothes. No one was gonna come by this late or head into a suspicious alley with only a few conspicuous sounds. All he could do was stare up into the night sky as he tried to will his mind away from what was going on when a fast shadow came down fast towards him. It all happened so fast, seeing the butt of a sword hit the temple of the man on top of him and a spray of blood hitting his face and neck when he took notice of the masked man slashing a cut across the one who held his mouth shut. The one at his legs reacted slowly getting flames to the face and screaming his head off before being punched and knocked out. Sokka watched in stunned silence as the masked figure tied up his attackers.

He felt no danger from the man offering his hand, he was going to take it when he noticed his underwear around his ankles. He shut his eyes shamefully pulling them up before looking at the figure above him. He slowly took the hand noting no ill intent.

"Let me take you home." The blue masked figure offered.

Sokka shook his head vigorously in, "no, no please t-take me to the Jasmine Dragon's tea shop, i-its closer anyways."

Zuko who was behind the mask knew that wasn't true but would follow Miyuki's wishes. Zuko wanted to do nothing more than to kill these men now but he needed to keep them for information so he could go after the trafficking ring he discovered few months back.

The two made their walk silently before stopping in front of the tea shops door.

Sokka faced the other man and thanked him, he watched as the other nodded in return and waited until the masked man jumped onto the roof before furiously knocking on the door, he didn't noticed how his knuckles had bled from his frantic knocking.

Iroh opened the door shocked at what he saw and saddened when he took in the appearance of Zuko's friend.

"Can I come in?" Sokka asked in a small cracked voice, his composure breaking.

"Yes." Iroh moved to the side as he watched Miyuki head upstairs, "his room is the first door to the left." He saw her nod hearing him. All he could do was worry until he got answers from Zuko later.

Sokka found himself opening Zuko's door and once inside with his back against the door did he finally break down. He was shaking and breathing so hard to keep from screaming, he couldn't scream like this not when neighbors were nearby or Zuko's uncle next door but it's all he wanted to do right at this moment. Next thing he knew he was wrapped up in arms, he knew this scent. He gripped onto Zuko tight and muffled his cries into Zuko's neck, he couldn't even think straight that he bit between the fire prince's neck and shoulder as he screamed and cried hard digging his nails into Zuko's back.

Zuko rocked Miyuki in his arms, he didn't care about the little pain she dealt him he knew her pain was a lot worse and he'd rather her hurt him than herself. When he heard Miyuki's cries stop did he move her to get a better look. She looked so out of it, he noticed the blood and torn clothes.

"Let me get you a cloth and some clothes." He went to get up when he felt her hand holding his arm, he sensed that she didn't want him to leave. "Let's go to the bathroom and I'll clean you up there." They went into the bathroom where he cleaned her face, neck and knuckles from the blood that splattered when he slashed one of the men. He wished he could take away the violent scene he caused her and just her whole experience entirely.

Going back to his room, he rummaged through his shelves for clothes and passing them to her as he turned around giving her privacy.

"Can you burn these later?" Zuko turned as she spoke and could only clench his fists in anger not knowing what more he could do for her.

"Of course." But whatever it is he could offer he will.

"I'm tired Zuko, I'd like to go to bed." He reached Zuko's hand and Zuko followed her lead. Zuko could only cry silently himself as he heard Miyuki's own cries and shaking body as he held her. He never felt so powerless as this. He held her until they both fell asleep.

#atla #zukka #zuko x sokka #boylove #temporarygenderbend

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toxicpineapple · 4 years

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Please give me your amami essay, I'd like to know the TEA! I was also gonna ask for the mastermind essay, but honestly I REALLY wanna hear your thoughts on his characterization (and your thoughts on his shitty fanon characterization)

HOOO BOY OKAY. this is good, it gives me an excuse to procrastinate on reading that new amasai fic on the latest feed. (note that i REALLY WANT TO READ IT, i’m just anticipating commenting and tbh the spoons,,, i lack them. it’s okay though i’ll get over it.)

so!!! let’s start with general attitude, because i think that amami’s is really unique. he’s a subversive character. in general i feel like that was the biggest goal with his character design and personality combination-- he looks like a total playboy, kaede even comments as much moooore than once. but he’s the absolute opposite. i’ll rant about that in a bit. i’ve already gone off on a tangent and i said i was gonna talk about attitude.

amami is laid back, but not to the point of complacency. y’know what i mean? like, he’s relaxed, but he’s on his guard, too. his speaking style is pretty casual (typically he’ll greet people with a “hey,” whenever he’s slightly uncomfortable he’ll probably say “haha”... this isn’t necessarily a canon thing but i like it when people have him talking in sentence fragments. ex. “forgot to grab my jacket” or “wanted to get a snack” sort of thing) and that’s just,,, the type of person he is. he’s casual. it’s remarkable considering how wealthy amami is-- though bear in mind, he still IS wealthy, so there are bound to be things he doesn’t understand about people-- that he can be so normal and like, down to earth, in a way. when people mess around with him he’ll probably just laugh it off.

to cite a fic i read once that had REALLY phenomenal characterisation, imo, ouma ends up dumping a bucket of water on amami’s head (on accident; there are some semantics and i won’t get into it but again the fic is really good and funny and you should totally read it) and amami just squeezes out his shirt and makes a couple cracks before walking away. (sorry this isn’t meant to be a “dumping love on fics” post but GOD that fic is hysterical.) he’s an enabler too, at least i think so-- remember that anthology chapter where kaede, shuichi, and kaito are trying to catch ouma and kaito sets an “amami trap” to stop him? all ouma has to do is flutter his eyelashes and go “pleeeaaase let me go amam~niichan!” and then he just. he does. what a fucking doormat i can’t believe him.

he’s like that though. i feel like big brother stuff is kind of his weakness. (and not in a kinky way alright i will destroy you. he might make a joke about having a sister complex in one of his ftes but he DOESNT that joke was just tasteless COME ON RANTARO WHFKLDSJFK) which brings me to his whole older brother thing, because like,,, YEAH. guy grew up with twelve younger sisters!!! and he remarked in his ftes with shuichi that they’re mostly step sisters, which means he just.... has a nurturing personality. i mean amami is somewhat conservative (if you try to come on to him during salmon mode you will be brutally rebuffed; amami tells u to keep your horny thoughts to yourself, though you shouldn’t be ashamed of having them) so i imagine he’s not the biggest fan of his father’s tendencies-- not that i don’t NECESSARILY interpret his father’s behaviour as him sleeping around.... it’s possible he just likes children and deliberately marries women who already have kids so he can take them... i mean it’s exceedingly decent to keep considering ur step children to be your children after a divorce so i have a hard time reconciling this common image of rantaro’s dad as some kind of player figure with the impression i got of him in my head but that’s just my daddy issues coming into play again so ignore me-- and yet he still considers all his sisters to be his sisters.

not to mention he feels a great deal of like, responsibility, when it comes to taking care of them. i find it impossible to believe that all the losses were his fault. you could ARGUE that the one he tells you about with his younger sister was to be blamed on him? but i mean, amami is a child. he didn’t even know his sister was following him out. sure he blames himself for it but there’s no real good way to blame him just considering that,,, he’s a kid. and he was so young-- he was obviously so young-- when it happened. so like, not to be all Good and Bad on you, but i do feel that amami is fundamentally a good reason. and you SEE that too, in the killing game. i’m certain he was on the fence about trusting that note he woke up with. would you trust it? he had no memory whatsoever of writing it, all he had were the words “ultimate hunt” and a map of the school to guide his way. i imagine he wasn’t even sure if he should do what the note said. but then ryoma started talking about sacrificing himself for everyone else, and rantaro probably thought, “well... if i have a way to get us out of here, even if it doesn’t work, i can’t just let ryoma sacrifice himself without having tried.”

rantaro is self-reliant too, i think. in the talent development plan mukuro remarks that she noticed he was injured a good number of times, but never said anything about it because she felt like he was trying to keep it under wraps. (note: good idea for an amami and mukuro friendship fic. must write. someone remind me.) i think amami kind of feels isolated from his classmates? either because he has these perceived notions of like, independence and whatever, not burdening anybody else with his problems (honestly not to go chabashira on main but wtf men ask for help c’mon i promise if you find a person who’s worth being in ur life they won’t treat you like shit for feeling ur feelings) or just because he’s not around a lot. i think amami is the type of person to invalidate his own problems a lot, or at least downplay them to others. he blames himself for all his sisters going missing, took the responsibility to find them all. you know the blow that’s going to be to his education? traveling around the world looking for twelve different people? and he plans to keep doing that!!! forever!!! ugh ;-; poor babey. but anyway i feel like he doesn’t want to tell anybody about his problems because he feels like it’s his thing to deal with.

i also believe that rantaro is a bit prideful. i mean, anyone can be prideful under the correct circumstances, and in fact there is a great deal of pride that simply isn’t addressed by the fandom in analysing characters and that makes me really sad because pride is such a SEXY character flaw but i’ll leave that alone for now. he hates being told to give up on what he’s doing. i mean everyone in his life has been telling him to stop looking for his sisters. that’s got to suck, but also, DAMN look at what his reaction was. this utter refusal to open up to anybody. shuichi’s ftes with him are spent pretty much just trying to get amami to stop squirreling around and actually TALK to him. amami asks shuichi at one point if he has any siblings and when the response is negative, amami immediately assumes that shuichi wouldn’t understand, would tell him to quit. just like everyone else.

(i mean, even with kiyo and mukuro, whose circumstances mirror his almost painfully at least in willingness to sacrifice stuff for their siblings, he doesn’t tell them what he’s doing, just that he’s doing it for his sister-- singular-- and that he would do anything for her. kiyo and mukuro!! out of ANYBODY, they would understand. in tdp they DO talk about it-- kiyo encourages him to keep searching-- as his friend...... fuck amaguji is such a good ship even if the implications of kiyo saying he wants to meet rantaro’s sister after he finds her bc she must be suuuuch a good person if he’s doing all this for her are uhhh not great-- and mukuro immediately understands when he says it’s to do with his younger sister. like, full stop. she just goes “okay” and goes serious. all at once. damn rantaro, mukuro, and kiyo really do be a power trio huh. i need to write more fic about them i miss them.)

this is more into baseless conjecture so take this as you will, but i also think rantaro is kind of,,, easily distracted lmao. he mentions helping out a village with a disease-- been a while since i’ve seen his ftes, sorry for any inconsistencies-- among other shit and like... bro what are you DOING. you have sisters to find. and he can’t be getting injured all the time, getting wrapped up with gang violence and all that, looking for people who were lost traveling. i mean sure, you could say they went all over the world and got wrapped up in all sorts of mess, but more likely they stayed in roughly the same area, waiting for him to come back. and also? i have a hard time believing his sisters were lost in these remote forest places people always put them. COME ON, who the fuck goes to some village for a vacation? a RICH person no less. i’m on another tangent. sorry. but yeah, i love the people who write rantaro as an absolute airhead. i headcanon that he has no way of judging the passing of time and thus is the absolute worst in the bathroom bc he sits there for twenty minutes thinking about the universe and then walks out like “:) ok ready to go” like wtf are you even doing there stupid akljdf anyway.

i think rantaro is softhearted and thoughtful. in his ftes with kaede he demonstrates an ability to look past what people show at surface level-- you can ask him about miu, kiibo, or kiyo and he’ll give u Good Fucking Insight(tm)-- and analyse their intentions more closely. and i mean this is just from a couple day’s interaction. he’s down to earth for sure, understanding when people are intimidated but also caring and observant. (his “talk about a first impression” line is so fuckaindgf.... good for his characterisation. i love romantic amamatsu but he so clearly takes an older brother role in those ftes, he’s really such a sweetheart,,,, hnadhfkj ;w;) rantaro is just. he’s patient with people. and selfless and kind. idk it’s all the good stuff. warm smiles and indulgence. all the way. probably lets kokichi steal his lunch.

THAT BEING SAID: i think rantaro also has a very serious streak. he doesn’t show it a lot but there are moments. he’s self-sacrificing-- i mean, obviously. he was the ultimate survivor, after all. some people hc that he got there by killing, or maybe everyone else in his game died but one person, but bro that doesn’t make any sense???? no. what happened was there were probably like three people left, and monokuma was like “one has to be sacrificed” and rantaro thought, welp. it’ll be me then. and i wouldn’t say the choice would be immediate because rantaro DOES has self preservation instincts-- he’s only human-- but i don’t think he’d have let anybody else make that decision. i think ultimately he would try to protect other people.

he can be scarily confrontational too. i do believe he’d usually only do it in the defense of others-- like, his base instinct is to protect. i read a fic once (oumami, unfortunately) where ouma was committing crimes and went to hide behind rantaro and rantaro instinctively moved to protect him, and that’s.... that’s good characterisation. point one to the oumami stans, point zero to me. motherfucker. (love u oumami stans, it’s just not my thing.) i really like it in fics when he’s stern, lecturing people for hurting other people, but i also think rantaro is too understanding to be truly unforgiving. like if two people got into an argument and one came out of it more hurt than the other, i don’t believe that amami would be unsympathetic to the less hurt one. i think he’s mature enough to take a look at the situation and go, well, okay.

i think he’d be TERRIFYING when angry. he’s patient, y’know? so it takes a lot to get him to that point. he’s really, ah, accommodating of people. puts up with a lot of bs kind of thing. but i imagine the best way to get him to snap is by hurting someone he cares about. and at that point: ur fucked. i’ve never written it before because i’m terrified of what i’d do with that kind of power but.... imagine the shuichi whump. holy god.

i’m NOT here to talk about shuichi whump (though i’m down to do that any time of day believe me) so i’m gonna like. shhhhiiiiiiffft.

i project on characters a lot so at this point it’s difficult to distinguish if some of my characterisation things are like, actually characterisation things? or just me venting, so like, take nothing i say as canon, but also,,, akdsjf we love a man who bottles up his emotions.

because rantaro just doesn’t have the TIME to be crying all over the place. he was probably a total wreck when he lost his first sister. and his second. and maybe even his third. but then he started to gather his composure, more and more. because if there’s anything that rantaro has in excess, it’s composure. the more losses he suffers the more of a shield he builds up. and the self hatred and the guilt and the blame and the responsibility are piling up and up and up, but god he hates it when other people see him sad, because he needs to be the strong one, he can’t just pile that up on other people. that’s not their weight to carry, and besides, he’s the older brother, he should be able to deal with his own problems. he’d just be burdening the people he cares about by letting them see his demons.

and then he doesn’t have any coping mechanisms because he never lets himself feel enough to cope, and when people get close enough to actually CARE about him, when people notice he’s upset or struggling and offer him help, he doesn’t know how to deal with it-- and god he hates lashing out at people but it’s so much easier to deal with the consequences of being mean than the consequences of breaking down. only conflict is scary when he’s one of the causes so he needs time to recover, and well, what better way to do that than to get on a plane or a boat and go look for his sisters? after all he’s wasting time whenever he’s just sitting around, they’re still out there and he needs to find them, so might as well just keep pushing himself to the limits, because it’s his fault they’re lost anyway...

something mukuro said to rantaro in the talent development plan stuck in my brain. like, initially it’s just a funny and cute interaction (rantaro even blushes and a blushing rantaro is a GOOD FUCKING RANTARO) but when i thought about it more i was like.... huh. hm. angst ideas. mukuro makes a joke about rantaro going over to her stand at the festival to flirt with her-- i think that’s the context, i know it’s play-boy related-- and rantaro assures her (as he always does) that he’s not that kind of guy, and mukuro agrees, saying she was just pulling his leg and that he seems like the kind of person who gets dumped because he doesn’t show his emotions enough. rantaro laughs, blushes, and says “haha, not touching that one,” and akdjfnnnnnn god mukuro you’re so blunt i love you fkdjf but wow. i usually have rantaro as not having dated anyone, just because i feel like he kind of hyperfocuses on finding his sisters? and given that he’s like sixteen (seventeen at the MOST) there’s not much of a timeline for when his sisters got lost. in my fic search i had to cram all the losses into a four-year period and damn that was rough. anyway i just don’t think he’d really prioritise romance. but that reaction implies that that’s EXACTLY his experience with romance, which makes a bit of sense because mukuro is ridiculously sharp, and also it’s,, it’s just sad idk poor rantaro. getting dumped because he’s like the emotional equivalent of a doorknob when it comes to his own feelings.

i do think rantaro is a bit cowardly. not in the sense that he’d shy away from danger-- i think he’d RUSH INTO IT HEAD FIRST because he’s a man or whatever, i know he respects women but he does seem to hold some of those very stereotypically masculine ideals of constantly protecting those around him, which is like.... ok toxic masculinity mcgee can u and kaito stop throwing hands every time u see each other ty-- but more in the sense that he avoids,,, confrontation. emotional confrontation just ain’t his thing. and i think he’d rather run away from it or otherwise find some way of ignoring it than try to address his problems.

he would, with that in mind, probably try to associate with people who don’t push the matter. kiyo and mukuro, for example. they both have a fair amount of baggage themselves so they’d probably be respectful. ryoma is lowkey enough that he just, he wouldn’t bring that shit up, that’s uncool. i also think rantaro would get along REALLY WELL with kaito, and i actually don’t think kaito would pull his sidekick stuff with him? just because in a way they’re kind of kindred spirits, and i think kaito would see an ally in rantaro before seeing someone to try to nurture, so they’d probably have some kind of a truce like, if you don’t force me to be vulnerable, i won’t force you. one of the reasons why i love amamota so much is because it involves the two of them growing to care about each other beyond that sort of unhealthy camaraderie and breaking down each other’s barriers and i just..... hhnnfhhdkfj they could be so good for each other but nobody wants to talk about thatjslfkj

you weren’t asking for my amamota mess lmao sorry anon i get sidetracked SO easily. but yeah, amami gravitates towards people who wouldn’t try to get him to be more honest with himself. and i honestly think the v3 cast would be pretty good about that overall, except for shuichi who is a detective and has a habit of sticking his nose in places it shouldn’t be, but i see no reason to write that out because amami’s ftes already display that beautifully. (well, that’s a lie, i’m absolutely plotting out a slowburn in my head already that involves shuichi stripping down his walls one by one, but forget about all of that rn we don’t need to talk about why amasaimota is my ot3.) also he is softer on childish people like ouma and himiko. ain’t nobody wants to TALK TO ME about how brilliant it would be if rantaro and hiyoko were friends because hiyoko has such problems in that department and he would take one look at her and go hm. i’m adopting her. and he’s so fucking patient and nice and she’d lose the will to make fun of him and i have to do ALL THE GODDAMN WORK AROUND HERE but it’s fine. at least i get to write it.

i’ve described the fundamentals of his characterisation pretty well by now i think. i have some throwaway headcanons, like uhh,,

he’s claustrophobic

plays the guitar and the ukulele

he prefers warm weather and perishes in the cold

high pain tolerance

he’s a Good Cook

doesn’t like sex jokes (they make him uncomfortable)

asexual (i do like a good demisexual hc at all times of day tho)

master of piggyback rides

does his own piercings

impulsive as hell

gets lost easily but can always find his way back

has a lot of scars from travels

hands are rough and calloused (again from travels)

morning person

smells like evergreen (you know i had to, you know i did)

Radiates Heat Like A Fucking Toaster Oven

good hugs

hates tying his shoelaces

likes being the big spoon :)

has a tongue piercing

i said “some throwaway headcanons” but i ended up listing way more than i mean to. i’ll make a separate list of my rantaro headcanons someday and talk about them all in detail but for now, uh, there’s that.

SO AS FOR THE RANTARO CHARACTERISATIONS I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE:

god where to fucking begin. actually i know exactly where to begin. it’s my least favourite one just because, like i said at the very beginning, rantaro is a subversive character. i mean i think he’s kind of a low hanging fruit when it comes to that. there are plenty of other subversive characters in the dr series but rantaro is like that. you expect a flirt and u get,,, a sweetheart. but then some people (usually the ones who ship him with female characters exclusively though i will see it on occasion in an amasai or oumami fic) decide to throw that out the window and make him a total playboy!! and listen, i have no problem with people who are a little flirty. we’re kids!! flirt ur heart out!!! and hey, that’s not what this is about but y’know what? so long as everything is safe, sane, and consensual, then yeah!! exercise your sexual freedom and sleep with whoever you want to!!! i don’t think there’s anything wrong with messing around a little, dating who u wanna and experimenting with ur tastes and preferences. if rantaro WAS a playboy, then there would be nothing wrong with that. i would love him just the same because he’s such a fundamentally GOOD character.

except that.... he’s.......... NOT. you slaughter one of the biggest aspects of his character by throwing away what matters to him and making him some hunky-deep-voice-dreamboat dude meant to sweep kaede/tsumugi/whomsteverthefuck off her feet. rantaro is one of those characters where he’s so blatantly not that kind of person, and it’s like. it’s an affront, almost, to portray him that way? and i do believe you should have the freedom to write what you want, since we’re in that age (aside from romanticised pedophilia and incest; that shit ain’t cute, i say this often but pro-ship DNI) where u should be able to take some liberties, but it’s just. hnnn. it’s so frustrating. rantaro does not know how to smolder! if he DID smolder, he wouldn’t even realise he was doing it. he doesn’t have people lying at his feet, okay? he’s too flaky for that. i wouldn’t say he’s unreliable but he definitely ain’t at school as much as he should be.

another one that i hate: st-stalker? what the fuck? that is not sexy that is creepy and weird?

another another one that i hate: yandere? what the FUCK??? that is not sexy that is glorified ABUSE???? the yandere trope is AWFUL bc you’re taking a controlling relationship and turning it into a fetish. NO. if he limits ur contact with other people, if he follows u everywhere, if he threatens ur loved ones, if he tries to control you, ladies and gents and nonbinaries, he’s not a yandere, he’s an abuser and you need a fucking restraining order. actually, people of ANY gender or sex can perpetuate this behaviour and IT IS NOT CUTE. I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT BOUNDARIES U SET IN PLACE, IF YOUR FREEDOM IS BEING RESTRICTED THAT IS ABUSE.

hate it when people make rantaro violent. hate it when people make rantaro a murderer. hate it when people make rantaro controlling. hate it when people make rantaro overtly sexual. some kind of sultry deep voice dominant kind of figure. dude, what the fuck? i don’t,, want to make any public comments about sex positions because i think that’s kind of Strange to just talk about on a post, but i do think that the way people portray him for their smuts is,,, idk it’s weird. i’m not gonna kinkshame u but like. :eyes:

i will however accept rantaro as a thrillseeker, or a highstrung rich boy, or a total space cadet, or a himbo, or a cryptid. these are all very good interpretations of the Mans. just, like. be wary of making him two dimensional. a good character is multifaceted. if you can take a trait that clashes with all of these and SELL ME ON IT, i will buy it. if u give me good justifications, or even just good writing?? then i will accept it.

the long and the short of it is, anon, he’s my favourite so i think about him a lot. i love writing rantaro. he’s just, he’s a Guy. y’know? He’s A Good Dude, If You’ll Give Him A Shot. :) we don’t get to see very much of him but i think that there’s plenty of material if you overanalyse everything, which, as you probably all know by now,,,, i absolutely do.

thank you for the ask, this was a delight to spend an hour talking about.

#amami rantaro #rantaro amami #abuse mention #long post

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gamerwoo · 5 years

Text

Kino: Partly Cloudy

Characters: Kino x female reader (featuring Pentagon ot10 and Guanlin)

Genre/warnings: roommate au, demon au, friends to lovers, slowburn kinda, fluff, angst, some crack, lil bit of everything ig lmao

Word count: 8,043

Summary: As a demon that’s able to control the weather, Kino can’t exactly control it since he’s only half a demon. It only happens when his emotions are so strong and intense, and nobody makes him feel as strongly as you.

a/n: in the words of @neverknewgrey2016 “there isn’t enough kino content”. she also gave me this idea and i wanted to do it for her so here you go!!!!! it skips around a lot and it’s like kinda vague at the beginning because i wanted to just get to the main part where things start getting good, so it kinda starts fast (also I know I would’ve normally made Hongseok a demon and would never make Yuto a demon but Star got to me lmao)

Kino came across normal enough. Sure, he had his quirks, but everybody did. After becoming his roommate, you quickly learned that he didn’t like using the white mugs because he was afraid of getting them “too dirty”, he absolutely cared too much about sorting the laundry by color, he rarely brought anything into or out of his room, and his room was his space and nobody was allowed in it. He came off as friendly, but reclusive. Kind, yet deceptive. Sweet, but there was definitely something a little...off about him.

It didn’t take a lot to warm up to Kino, and you thought he was warming up to you, too. With your growing trust, your suspicions of him faded. The weird sense you got around him was hardly even in the farthest corners of your mind, which you still to this day don’t know if that was your own doing or some weird power he had over you.

Kino, on the other hand, pretended to just be close with you. At least, that’s how it started out. He tried to keep some sort of distance just because he was who he was, and you were who you were, and it was dangerous for somebody like him to be around somebody like you. Not only that, but his ‘mentor’ kept telling him that this was wrong and he shouldn’t go befriending any humans. But with how kind and silly you were, and how he could tell you were letting your guard down around him, he eventually found that he couldn’t tell if he was pretending or just being himself.

Either way, the bond you’d formed with Kino over the course of a year helped cushion the shock when you realized your roommate and now best friend was actually a demon. Well, half-demon, which he stressed very much.

But hey, you renewed your lease together, didn’t you?

Kino never once hurt you, anyway. He never put your life in danger, and you weren’t quite sure why that was. He said he just wanted to live normally as to hide among the humans and help with the work he had to do that involved actual bad people and not just nosy roommates that like to leave their jackets and sweatshirts laying over the back of the couch. Whether that was really the case or not was something you’d never know, but you also didn’t press him on that. You preferred to nag him about what the difference was if you sorted the laundry or not, but that would also send him on a whole other tangent.

There was one interesting thing about Kino that you never quite could get over, though. You didn’t realize it for a while. In fact, it wasn’t even until after you realized he was a demon that you noticed that the weather was sometimes controlled by him -- but without him meaning to.

He was especially annoyed that day. He was being nagged by Jinho way too much, and the smallest thing was going to send him over the edge.

All day, it had looked like there was going to be a tornado or a massive hole would form in the ground and suck everything down. The sky was the darkest grey it could be without being nighttime, and everything just looked scary. You could hear a faint rumble of thunder almost the whole day, and when you had returned to your apartment, you thought Kino’s face as he sat on the couch matched the mood outside.

But what set him off -- what made you realize his emotions could effect the weather whether he liked it or not -- was a tiny joke you made to try to make him feel better. It wasn’t even much of a joke as it was an observation. You considered it a compliment, but Kino went off.

Something to note was that you definitely had feelings for Kino at this point. You knew it was probably dangerous and stupid -- no, it was dangerous and stupid -- to fall for a demon, but you couldn’t help yourself. Even though you were just a mere mortal while Kino was some immortal being, you always felt like the two of you were just a couple of normal friends when you hung around him. He still liked to get giggly drunk with you on Saturday nights, he liked laying his head in your lap and making you run your fingers through his hair, and he never minded when he found you sleeping on the couch because of a nightmare only for him to carry you into his bedroom and sleep on the side of his bed closest to the wall to keep you safe. It was so hard to see him as something that could kill you because he came across as the exact opposite.

That was exactly what Kino was being hounded about, though. He was too nice with you. It was obvious he felt something toward you, and none of the other demons liked that. It wasn’t that demons weren’t allowed to mess around with humans, and falling in love with them technically wasn’t a rule, but demons weren’t necessarily supposed to fall in love at all. He was a demon! He was supposed to terrorize humans and come across as tough and cold. He definitely tried when you first met him, but as he started to get used to you like you did with him, he found himself unable to resist leaning into this fantasy that maybe somebody could love him. And he started to feel the same toward you. Besides, he was still half human. Some instincts and feelings just couldn’t be controlled no matter how hard he tried.

“I know you had a bad day,” you began as you sat beside Kino on the couch, reaching over to poke one of his cheeks, “but you’re really cute when you’re pouty.”

That was the comment that set him off. He was off the couch in an instant, turning to face you with completely black eyes that were his normal brown a second ago. Your eyes widened as your back pressed into the back cushions of the couch, trying to distance yourself from your roommate as he got in your face. It wasn’t that you were afraid he would do something to you, it was that you’d never seen him get this close to you with his eyes black like that before.

The crack of lightening startled you before Kino could even speak. It flashed as thunder sounded a second later, shaking the room from its volume. The wind blowing against the windows made them creak, and it sounded like ghostly groans outside. You curled in on yourself as you gasped, your eyes flickering to the window before they were brought back to Kino.

“I’m a fucking demon, _____!” he growled. “Do not patronize me, got it? You’re just some fucking human, and you don’t get to talk to me like that.”

You wanted to reply to him or at the very least nod your head, but you were frozen in place. You’d never seen Kino like this. Yes, you’d seen his eyes before when he couldn’t convince you for like, a week that he was actually a demon, but he’d never yelled at you like this. You’d never heard his voice get so deep and loud, and you’d never seen him get mad at you like this. Truthfully, it frightened you. It was the first time you saw him as a true demon.

Alternatively, Kino had never seen you afraid of him. He’d never seen your eyes go wide or your face start to pale because of him. He’d never seen you cower away, frozen in fear from something he’d done. But seeing all of it now had him blinking his eyes, the black disappearing and being replaced with the comforting brown you were used to. His clenched jaw relaxed, his lips parting as his lare melted into remorse.

The dark sky lightened to a light grey, and the terrifying lightening was suddenly gone. All that was left behind was a light spitting of rain outside.

“Oh my god, _____...” his voice was soft as he got down on his knees in front of you, cautiously reaching a hand out to you. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-- Please don’t be afraid of me...”

Your eyes were no longer on him. Instead, you were focused on the weather outside. It was twice now that it had changed so quickly, and it was just as quick as Kino’s changes of mood.

“D-did... Did you do that?” you wondered quietly.

Seeing your eyes were still on the windows, he knew what you were asking. He nodded just enough for you to notice, but he didn’t say anything about it.

Kino had frightened you a little -- more like taken aback -- but it was more the sudden crack of lightning and thunder that scared you. But still, even with your heart racing as it was -- but it was starting to slowly calm down now that Kino was back to normal -- you were still a little fascinated by what he managed to do.

However, that day was kind of a wake up call for you. You didn’t have a chance with Kino. He wouldn’t want to be stuck with some human. You were weaker than him; you weren’t on the same level as him. Kino was way out of your league, and even though it hurt, you had to move on.

That was what you had gathered after a week of thinking everything over. You went from recalling that your half-demon roommate could change the weather if he felt an emotion strongly enough, to mulling over the words he had shouted.

‘You’re just some fucking human.’

So you spent the weekend after in your room eating ice cream and crying -- which Kino was keenly aware of even though it seemed to come out of nowhere so he was pretty confused as to why you were crying -- and decided to pick yourself up and try to move on.

“You wanna finally talk about that?” Kino wondered as you emerged from your bedroom.

You jumped, not expecting him to be right there. He was standing on the opposite side of the hallway, back leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. But his eyes showed worry and concern since you wouldn’t let him in your room no matter what he said during your two-day pity party.

“About what?” you asked, deciding to just act like nothing happened.

Kino just rolled his eyes, “You know about what. What had you locking yourself in your room all weekend?”

“Nothing,” you shrugged.

“Don’t just tell me ‘nothing’,” he whined, dropping his arms as he stepped closer to you. “Wait, was it because of me?”

“No, Kino,” you quickly reassured him. “It’s really nothing. Don’t worry your pretty little head.”

You reached up to ruffle his dark hair, making him frown as he swatted your hand away. He let out a sigh as he tried to fix his hair, looking up toward his forehead like he could see what he was doing.

“Don’t do that. I have to see Jinho and company.”

“Oh, so you have to look all big and bad or whatever?”

Kino only smiled sarcastically, raising his eyebrows.

You knew the other demons were the reason Kino snapped at you. You knew they stressed him out to no end because they -- especially Jinho -- kept telling him how he was getting too soft. They teased him for acting how he did with you, and Jinho kept insisting he move out of the apartment and live alone so he could toughen up again. Kino promised you he wasn’t going anywhere, but he really just wanted his friends to shut up.

“I’d say to tell them hi but we already know how they feel about me,” you snorted.

“Don’t worry,” he smirked, “I’ll send your regards.”

“Wait, what? Why?”

You were slightly offended by Guanlin’s surprised face. Was it really so hard for him to imagine that you wanted to date? Sure, you hadn’t tried dating anybody for over a year, but still. You weren’t going to just sit around forever.

“What do you mean why?” you asked with a pout.

“No, I meant--” he broke off in a laugh seeing you so offended. “I mean like, aren’t you and your roommate a thing?”

You’d told Guanlin all about Kino and how you felt about him. He didn’t know he was a demon obviously, but he knew that you were hopelessly head over heels for him. You used to never let anybody use your really nice strawberry shampoo and conditioner set, but you would sit on the couch with Kino’s head on your shoulder and smile when you smelled it on him. You were never even one for cuddling, but you loved the night when Kino made you watch scary movies with him and would have to hold you in his side and promise no monsters would get you while he was around. In the span of the year and however many months that you’d been living with Kino, you’d changed a lot more than even your best friend thought you could.

“No,” you sighed, your face falling as you looked down at the table you were sitting at with him, “we’re too...different. I don’t think he wants to be with me because of those differences.”

“Differences like what?”

‘First of all, he’s a demon.’

“It’s too complicated.”

Guanlin decided to just drop that topic for a slightly different one, wondering what your plan was now. How were you going to get yourself out there? He’d never really seen you intentionally go out of your way to find a boyfriend, so he was pretty curious as to what you planned to do next.

“Actually,” you sweet smile had a hint of mischief to it as you looked at your friend, “I was hoping you could be my wingman.”

All Guanlin did was snort in response before he started laughing. You sighed, rolling your eyes as he doubled over in laughter. When he finally composed himself enough to talk, he sat back up and wiped a tear from his eye.

“You must be really desperate if you think I could be your wingman,” he sighed, still trying to stop smiling. “I don’t even have a girlfriend, and you think I could get you a date?”

“You have guy friends,” you shrugged. “I’m open to anybody.”

“My friends are not your type,” he scoffed, shaking his head. “I mean...if you’re actually serious about this, one of my coworkers is kinda cool.”

“When can I meet him?”

Whenever the other demons came around, Kino was irritable. Not so much that the weather would change, but he was still irritated. Especially because Hyojong and Wooseok made a mess of the apartment, so he hated when they decided that was the place they would drop by. Kino insisted on anywhere but there, but nooooo, they didn’t want to be seen anywhere else.

“Do you shoo her out of her own apartment when we come by, or is just a bunch of coincidences?” Wooseok wondered as he stared at a framed picture of you and Kino together.

He just shrugged, glaring at Wooseok’s back as he made sure he wasn’t going to break anything, “Little bit of both.”

Yuto only shrugged, sitting in the same spot on the couch that he always did, “I don’t really blame you.”

The last thing Kino wanted was you being surrounded by demons -- even if they were mostly harmless unless provoked. Jinho took his demon status the most seriously, with Wooseok and Hyojong mostly just messing around and causing dumb chaos for fun, and Yuto doing not much of anything ever. Honestly, Kino wasn’t really sure how or why Yuto was a demon anyway, but he wasn’t one to open up about his past. But he could understand why the terrible duo were demons, and he definitely understood why Jinho was one. The older boy was nothing if not an absolute pain in the ass.

“It would be easier if you just didn’t live with a human,” Jinho grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah, we know,” Kino sighed, turning around to face the shorter boy who was picking up your jacket that you’d left thrown over the back of the couch. “Can you stop touching her stuff? Ugh, why do you guys always have to come here?”

“Because you’re only half a demon and can’t go to The Underworld,” Hyojong spoke up with a giggle. He always loved to rub that fact in Kino’s face.

“Exactly,” Jinho agreed with a smirk, “Kang Hyunggu.”

“Don’t call me that,” he frowned.

“Changing your name won’t make you seem any more like a demon,” Jinho teased.

“Do you have daddy issues?” Hyojong asked, making Wooseok burst out in laughter.

Kino sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes, “Dude, I think you don’t understand what daddy issues are. My dad literally raised me; I love him.”

“If only your mom would actually take care of you,” Jinho said, rolling his eyes. “Then we wouldn’t be responsible for you.”

That was the only reason Kino had constant visits and hounding from Jinho. He was half a demon from his mom, but she obviously wasn’t around. He didn’t know what happened to her, and he didn’t necessarily care since he heard she disappeared without a trace only a day or two after he was born. But being a half-demon, the rulers of The Underworld wanted to make sure he didn’t get into any trouble -- especially since his mother had passed down a power to him that he couldn’t control. Since she wasn’t around, Jinho was assigned to essentially mentor Kino. He had recruited his friends to help just because Kino didn’t really tend to listen to any of Jinho’s advice.

Jinho was a whole other story. He was a fallen angel that eventually got turned into a demon because he was spiteful and caused trouble to get back at those who kicked him out of Heaven. Kino didn’t actually hate him because he understood Jinho had his own issues, but he did wish he got a mentor who was less grumpy. On the bright side, though, Jinho did have his good moments -- especially when he got to see his angel friends when he visited the mortal world to check up on Kino.

Wooseok and Hyojong were clearly meant to be where they were. Hyojong was born to demons, where Wooseok became one when he died and immediately gravitated to Hyojong. Nobody understood how or why Jinho became friends with them, but they did seem to come in handy when Jinho got into one of his moods.

Yuto was an enigma to just about everybody. Those who didn’t know him well questioned if the higher ups made a mistake when placing him -- unless he was born to demon parents, in which case, he couldn’t control that. Others who had known him well didn’t talk about anything demon-like that he’d done. If anybody asked, they’d just say nothing before changing the subject. For all Kino know, Yuto could’ve murdered hundreds of people, so he tried not to be too comfortable around him.

“Did you just come here to complain some more?” Kino asked, walking over to Wooseok to rip the picture of you and him out of the taller boy’s hands before he could accidentally break it.

“We came here because of your little human friend,” Jinho clarified with a slight sharpness to his tone.

“She has a name,” Kino hissed, “and I would prefer if you’d leave her alone and out of all this.”

Whenever anybody brought you up, Kino hated it. He let them know he hated it, and they still did it. He didn’t want you dragged into any of this. He just wanted to be able to hang out with you without anybody telling him he couldn’t or reminding him it was dangerous. He obviously knew it was dangerous, but he knew he wouldn’t ever hurt you. It was only dangerous if these demons kept coming around.

“When she effects you so much that you cause a thunderstorm so loud it shakes buildings, we kind of have to drag her into it,” Jinho shot back.

“And judging from what she’s up to currently,” Hyojong spoke up with a grin and a giggle, “thing are going to get worse.”

“I don’t think telling him that will help,” Yuto spoke in his typical too-soft-to-belong-to-a-demon tone.

But Kino ignored the quiet boy’s words, eyes locked on the short, mischievous demon, “What’s that supposed to mean? Where is she? How do you know where she is?”

“Hyojong, don’t you have somewhere else to be a pain in the ass?” Jinho asked, annoyance dripping in his tone.

Hyojong only shrugged, “Not for another hour.”

“Is somebody going to answer me?!” Kino demanded. He didn’t fuck around when it came to you, so he was genuinely concerned.

To his surprise, it was Yuto who stood and walked over to him, “You know I think you should do whatever you want, but...Jinho was right. Getting so involved with a human is dangerous, and you should’ve gotten out of all of this when you had the chance. Things will be really hard for you now because you didn’t listen to Jinho.”

Kino groaned, running his hands through his hair, “But I don’t know what that means! Where’s _____?!”

Wooseok’s head snapped to look at the door, “Almost home.”

“Time to go, kids!” Hyojong called before he disappeared in a quick swirl of thick, black fog.

Yuto gave Kino a small, thin-lipped smile before following Hyojong’s lead. Wooseok wished him luck before doing the same, leaving just Jinho in the apartment. He walked over to Kino, standing directly in front of him and looking at him seriously. This time, the older demon’s expression wasn’t angry or annoyed, but rather concerned.

“We’ll be watching,” was all he said before he was gone, too.

Last week, Kino hounded you when you got home about where you’d been and who you were talking to -- when you admitted it was just meeting up with Guanlin, he looked very confused but dropped it. This week, he was hounding you before you left the apartment about where you were going and who you were meeting.

“His name’s Sehun.”

Kino raised his eyebrows, “Sehun?”

He didn’t like that he’d never heard you say that name before. If it was somebody you didn’t know, then...

“He works with Guanlin,” you explained as you did your best to fix your mascara that was clumping in a way that wasn’t cute at all.

Kino’s heart dropped, “So...i-is this like...a date?”

You shrugged before nodding, “Yeah, basically.”

A date? You’d never gone out to date anybody! Why now? What about him?

What about him? You weren’t his, and you weren’t supposed to be his. He could already hear Jinho scolding him for even getting jealous right now.

Then he realized this must’ve been what they were talking about last week. They knew you were off with Guanlin trying to get him to set you up on a date. They knew he was going to be jealous, which was why they were there. You really were the reason they were there.

You could hear soft rumbles of thunder from far away, but you assumed it was just the weather on its own since Kino seemed fine on the outside. Besides, why would he suddenly feel emotion that strongly? There wasn’t anything that could possibly bother him, right? He had said before himself that he was a demon and you were just some human. There was no way he could’ve ever felt anything for you.

“Hopefully he planned something indoors in case it rains,” you thought out loud, but that somehow only made Kino feel worse.

Unfortunately for him, things would only get worse after that. You’d come home that night to declare you were going to see him again, and another time after that. And after the third date, you’d come home with the most beautiful, dreamy smile on your face that would make Kino’s heart flutter and the drizzle outside that was all his fault momentarily lighten up.

But then you’d announce he asked you to be his.

Kino would ask nervously what you said.

You’d tell him you said yes, obviously.

That night, the thunder would be roaring as lightening flashed outside your window. You’d be under the covers, wanting nothing more than to go straight to Kino’s room to feel a little safer, but you’d instead go to the couch like you did after a nightmare. You couldn’t go sleep in Kino’s bed now that you had a boyfriend, but you craved the safety Kino gave you more than anything. You still loved Kino, but you had to get over him. Sehun would help you get over Kino.

And Sehun was exactly the reason you woke up in the same spot you’d fallen asleep instead of in Kino’s bed like you usually did when you fell asleep on the couch.

That night, as you and Kino slept, both the demons and the angels stood outside your apartment building in their jackets and some under umbrellas. Their eyes were on the windows that belonged to you.

“You should’ve kept them apart,” Hui advised, glancing over at Jinho.

Jinho frowned, whining, “I tried to! He doesn’t listen.”

“We can’t break them up now, can we?” Changgu asked worriedly, gripping his umbrella handle a little tighter.

Yuto shrugged, “It might happen on its own now. Clearly, Kino’s upset.”

“Which is bad because this could go on for weeks,” Hongseok said, holding his hand out under the radius of his umbrella, letting the water fall onto his palm, studying the droplets. “We need to do something about it. We can’t let it rain like this for that long.”

“It’ll be over in a week,” Hyojong stated.

The small group turned to look at the demon who was looking between the demons and the angels. They were clearly waiting for him to elaborate. He could see the fate of others, so he obviously had more information.

“Kino’s going to scare the poor guy away,” he scoffed, finding the vision he saw of Kino going to meet Sehun to ‘check him out’ and intimidating the absolute shit out of the six-foot-whatever guy very amusing. “Did you guys seriously expect him to stay out of it?”

“He is a half-demon,” Yuto shrugged. “Guess that makes sense.”

“Can you see anything else, Hyojong?” Hui asked.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” he replied coolly, making Wooseok giggle.

“Do you see what I have to deal with?” Jinho mumbled to his old friends.

Hongseok sighed before turning to walk away from the building, “We’ll have to drop by and speak with Kino after Sehun’s...gone.”

“Why after?” Yanan wondered quietly as the group went to follow behind.

“We’re not allowed to alter fate,” Hui explained to the newest angel. “What’s supposed to happen will happen, and that’s that.”

The only person that could change their fate was that person, and Kino had changed his mind after that night. Instead of scaring your boyfriend away like Hyojong had seen, he decided to tell him to treat you right. He told him you weren’t like any other person, and you had to be kept safe and happy. He didn’t flash his demon eyes, he didn’t intimidate him, and he didn’t act like you belonged to him.

However, that didn’t seem to change much for the fate of your relationship with Sehun. He still broke it off that evening after spending the day out together.

“I don’t know,” was what he replied with when you asked what went wrong, “I guess I’m just not ready for all that commitment.”

Not knowing his words would make things worse, Kino had pushed Sehun into breaking up with you because he realized he’d have to put in more effort than he wanted to currently. So you went home sad and mopey, but not too mopey because it had only been a week that you’d been dating. But Kino still sat beside you on the couch that night and listened to everything you wanted to get off your chest before bringing you to his room when you inevitably fell asleep on the couch while watching The Office.

But you weren’t giving up. You didn’t want the warm, fuzzy feeling you got waking up in Kino’s bed because you knew it was nothing but a friendly gesture. You wanted to get rid of the feelings you had for him, so you kept trying.

Chani was somebody you’d met through a long line of friends. Guanlin had explained the connection -- something about a friend of a friend of a friend, or however many ‘friends’ were involved -- but all that mattered was that it wasn’t one of Guanlin’s weird friends, and it was somebody who might help you get over Kino.

But when you told Kino about this date, he had the same expectations he had with Sehun. So the weather was fine that day, and you went on your date with Chani. And you came home and said it was “okay” and Kino didn’t worry. But then you texted Chani more often until one day you just dropped the term “my boyfriend” on Kino in reference to the boy he still knew nothing about, and the sky was grey and it drizzled for the next three days.

“How long this time?” Hongseok sighed as he looked up at the sky.

Jinho shrugged, “Hyojong said he can’t see that far.”

It took a month for Chani to decide it wouldn’t work.

“We’re too alike,” he decided.

You would’ve thought having a lot in common would be good, but because neither of you liked cuddling or hugging too much, and you were both more introverted than anything, things started getting awkward before the spark could really grow into much.

But this breakup hurt more than Sehun. You had time to make at least a few memories with Chani, and you started to wonder if your dislike of physical closeness was a problem. And, because Kino was your best friend and you trusted him, you asked him that.

Kino’s eyes went wide when the words left your lips, looking at you like he wanted to yell. But his voice was soft when he said, “Why would you ever think that’s a bad thing? _____, nothing about you is bad.”

“But Chani said--”

“Chani told you it’s a problem?” he growled, his jaw clenching.

In the distance, you heard rumbles of thunder. You chalked it up to him just being a friend and caring about you and wanting to protect you. Kino saw it as somebody making the person he loved more than anybody feel bad about themselves, and he really didn’t like that.

“Not technically...” you shrugged. “Just that he’s the same so we kind of clashed.”

Kino only grumbled to himself.

You slept beside him again that night because even though you didn’t like cuddling anybody else, you loved cuddling Kino, and you wanted the comfort. And yet, he somehow still couldn’t catch on, thinking that you only liked cuddling with him because you’ve known him for a while and trusted him.

You met the next boy on a dating app, figuring you had nothing to lose. Kino had seen you on said app and asked in disgust why you were on there in the first place. Why did you need to find somebody? Only dirtbags and assholes used dating app, he insisted.

You just shrugged and said you couldn’t be single forever as Kino grumbled to himself and left the apartment.

His name was Soonyoung, and he seemed nice enough. When you met up with him, he was funny and bright and had that same warm energy you got from Kino. Actually, he reminded you a lot of Kino.

Like the others, Kino didn’t expect this to last. He didn’t worry too much about it, but he also didn’t ask about your relationship that much, either. He put it at the back of his mind, and the two of you acted pretty normal. You were out of the apartment a lot more often, and you were on your phone more frequently, but you still made time for Kino so he hardly even remembered you were dating anybody.

“Hey, where’re you out to?” he asked as he saw you walking for the door looking a little more dolled up than normal. “It’s passed nine.”

“It’s my six month anniversary with Soonyoung,” you replied, looking at him over your shoulder with a wide smile.

Kino’s stomach dropped. It had already been six months? How did he not realize? How could that much time had gone by? Wait, that meant you loved him by now, right? Oh god, he fucked up. He really fucked up.

“O-oh...” was all he managed to get out.

“Don’t bother waiting up for me,” you continued as you opened the door. “I’ll be staying over at his place.”

You giggled as your cheeks turned pink, confirming his suspicions of just why you were staying at Soonyoung’s before you said goodnight and closed the door.

It absolutely down poured that night. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day. And the rest of the week.

“Well,” Hui sighed as he let his head drop back where he sat on the couch, “I can see why you get so frustrated.”

“But you really can’t control a half-demon?” Yanan questioned under his breath.

“He’s not a full demon so it’s not like I can force him into doing anything,” Jinho snapped. “He’s not really under my control.”

“Either way, maybe we should step in,” Yuto spoke up. “It’s dangerous for her if this continues. His jealousy will grow, and who knows what he could do to her?”

“Why are you so morbid?” Shinwon asked, eyeing the quiet demon.

“Realistic,” Yuto corrected.

“What if...” Changgu suddenly spoke up, studying the floor before his eyes glanced up to meet the small group that sat around the room, “it’s better for them to be together?”

“That sounds like an idea Yanan would come up with because he doesn’t know better,” Hui stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

“But it would stop Kino from changing the weather like this, and she already knows he’s a demon.”

“But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t end badly for both of them -- especially the human,” Hongseok replied easily, running a hand through his hair. “Hyojong, do you see anything?”

Lazily, the demon let his head roll to the side to look at the angel, “Nothing dangerous.”

All heads turned to look at the demon in question.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jinho questioned.

“It means who cares?” he sighed. “You can’t force Kino out of love with her, so what’s the point? You think he’d hurt her anyway? He hasn’t yet, and it’s been like, two years since they’ve met. What will happen is going to happen no matter what, and that means if they end up together or if he does end up killing her. We can’t change the path the universe sets.”

“But we’re supposed to guide it on that path,” Hui spoke up. “That’s what we’re created for.”

“And can’t you see the universe keeps bringing them back together?” Hyojong asked, raising an eyebrow. “We’re supposed to guide them to each other, not apart.”

The room was thoughtfully silent for a few beats before Jinho broke it with a mumbled, “That’s the deepest thing you’ve ever said.”

It took a lot to get the rain to stop. The city was flooding, but Kino couldn’t control his emotions. How was he supposed to stop feeling heartbreak? So The Heavens and The Underworld had to work together to somehow overpower the demon’s emotions enough to keep the weather under control. Both the small group of demons and the small group of angels visited Kino often, trying to get his emotions to calm down, but nothing seemed to work. He kept himself locked up in his room for days, not responding to you no matter what you said to him.

This last time you knocked on his door, he almost growled for you to go away. The people in his room looked at him in surprise, not thinking Kino would snap at you like that.

“You know what? I don’t know what your problem is, but don’t take it out on me!” you shouted through the door. “If you wanna rot away in there, then whatever! I don’t care!”

You turned on your heel and left the apartment, making sure to slam the door because you were upset. You were already feeling all messed up because you still hadn’t fully gotten over Kino, and then you and Soonyoung were bickering a lot lately which was getting really stressful. But now Kino was ignoring you and you didn’t even understand why.

Kino definitely wasn’t himself lately. The last month, he’d been a little off, but only recently did he start ignoring you. You didn’t notice if he had been acting weird toward you since you had been spending more time with Soonyoung, but you definitely noticed the weekend while you were home. You and Soonyoung had argued about something stupid, and you wanted to just spend the weekend with Kino and talk about everything that was bothering you -- well, mostly everything. You knew he’d know how to comfort you and make you feel better. But instead, he made everything worse, and you left the apartment with a mix of angry and sad tears in your eyes.

“Seemed a bit harsh,” Hongseok noted, turning back to Kino once he’d heard the door slam.

“Yeah, well...” Kino mumbled, not moving from where he laid curled up on his side above his covers, “I deserve it.”

“Then why don’t you talk to her?” Yuto wondered.

“Because it’s better this way,” he grumbled, still refusing to move or look at either of them. “She never liked me back and she has her stupid perfect boyfriend anyway. They’re probably super in love and she’s probably not going to renew the lease because she’s always at his place and she’s going to leave me and--”

“Isn’t Yuto supposed to be the morbid one?” Hongseok interrupted.

“Why are you guys even around so much lately?” Kino wondered, finally glancing up at the angel beside his bed.

“Because you’re a mess,” he chuckled. “Takes both sides to keep up with you, apparently.”

“And because I figured sympathy would work rather than Jinho getting mad,” Yuto added.

Well, at least Yuto somewhat seemed to care.

“You know,” Hongseok sat down at the edge of Kino’s bed, “you could’ve just told her how you feel.”

Kino shot up in bed, giving the angel a look like he was insane, “I’m a demon. I’m not supposed to love a human. Jinho warned me, and I already knew it was bad. I wanted to protect her.”

“Is this any better? Causing flash floods, and fighting with her?”

“Well I can’t do anything to fix it now!”

“Tell her,” Yuto suggested in his usual soft tone.

“She has a boyfriend!”

“Yeah, so you have nothing to lose.”

Hongseok nodded slowly, “He has a point...”

Kino groaned loudly, flopping back down onto his pillow. He covered his face with his arms, letting out something that was a mix between a soft yell and a loud groan.

“No,” he decided, letting his arms drop away from his face.

“No?” Yuto repeated.

“It’s probably better like this, right?” he asked to nobody in particular. “It’s better for her that she doesn’t know.”

Hongseok sighed, “We’re going to be regulating the weather here for months.”

Yuto got up from Kino’s desk chair, his neutral expression looking almost uncaring as he glanced down at Kino, “Then you better get yourself together quickly, because we can’t all follow after you to clean up your mess.”

While Kino had never heard Yuto say anything like that or seen him act anything other than neutral, he knew he was right. He had to pick up the pieces of his broken heart and carry on with his life. It wasn’t like you would care if he was heartbroken anyway.

Honestly, Kino didn’t expect to hear the front door open. Even more so, he didn’t expect to hear the sniffles and quiet sobs in the hallway. Had he not heard the crying, he wouldn’t have gotten himself out of his bed and opened the door enough to see you kicking off your shoes by the door and wiping your eyes with the sleeves of your sweatshirt.

“_____?” his voice was soft as he stepped further into the hallway. “Are you okay? What happened, why are you crying?”

“He dumped me!” you sobbed, refusing to lift your head to face Kino. Even though he’d seen you cry before, it didn’t mean the other times after wouldn’t be awkward.

“What, why?” he rushed out of his room and went over to you, placing his hands on your arms as he tried to look at your face. You just stared at your feet and let your hair form a barrier that he couldn’t see through. “Talk to me, _____.”

You sniffled, wiping your nose with your sleeve before letting out a pathetically sad laugh and shaking your head, “Because I’m destined to be alone and unwanted.”

Kino frowned, and the quiet afternoon slowly started to turn grey, “What are you talking about?”

You stepped away from Kino, turning to pace into the living room while you spoke, “Because it’s always something with me, right? Sehun, Chani, Soonyoung -- literally every guy I’ve ever dated had a reason or multiple reasons they didn’t want to stay with me. I’m too short, I don’t like to cuddle all the time and I don’t like hugs, and I’ll drop everything just for a puppy I saw across the street.”

The rain outside started to pick up a little more.

“_____--”

“And don’t even get me started on the earful Soonyoung gave me before I left!” you groaned, dropping your head back before you turned to Kino.

“_____, none of that is even--”

“I don’t clean the shower walls after I’ve had a shower, I leave my socks on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper, he didn’t like that I have a specific way of getting toothpaste out of the tube and that I kept fixing the tube when he’d squeeze it, I left my lipstick and mascara on his counter instead of putting it in ‘my drawer’ when I’d stay over, I--”

“_____!” Kino cut in loudly. When you’d gone silent, he took a step toward you, trying to read you and see if you even wanted him close to you. “None of that means you’re meant to be alone.”

The look on your face broke him, the rain outside hitting the windows in loud patters. Thunder rung out softly, his heart breaking for you and causing his emotions to even overpower those trying to control his power.

“How could somebody love somebody as flawed as that?” you whimpered.

“Easily,” he replied as soon as you got the last syllable out of your mouth. He looked at you intensely, still a couple feet away from you. “I love that you don’t clean the shower wall because I have a certain way I like it done to get all the hair dye off of it. I love that you don’t put your socks away because then I can sort them by color for you, and you get all happy when you see you have matching socks. I love that you get the toothpaste out from the bottom instead of squeezing the tube because it’s way more efficient that way. I love that you leave your makeup in the bathroom because I like that I get to watch you put it on while you softly sing to music on your phone.”

You thought he would stop, but he kept going, making your heart flutter. He walked toward you slowly until he was right in front of you, taking both of your hands in his.

“I love that you’re so tiny because it makes me feel like I can protect you,” he listed off. “I love that you don’t like hugs or cuddles because you always like my hugs and cuddles, and it makes me feel special. I love that you get excited seeing animals when we’re out because the smile on your face is the cutest smile I’ve ever seen and I always want to see that smile on your face.”

“Kino--”

“I’m not done,” he hushed you quietly, the rain still background noise to what was happening in the apartment. “I love how you leave the last bit of milk for me even if you wanted to have cereal. I love that you always offer me the last pack of fruit snacks even though I know they’re your favorite. I love that you never do anything on time because then when I remind you, you look at me with this big grin and tell me I’m the best, and god, the things it does to my heart.”

He moved his fingers to weave between yours, holding your hands to his chest as he looked deeply into your eyes. His gaze was so intense that you wanted to look away, but so hypnotizing that you couldn’t. The only things you were aware of were him, the heat in your face, and the thunder that had gotten louder outside.

“Don’t you get it, _____?” he asked, looking just as upset as you probably did. “I love you. I love every little thing about you. Every single thing you’ve seen as a problem or somebody has told you was a problem, I love it. I have for over a year, _____.”

“B-but,” you stammered out, your brain running at a million miles a minute as you tried to make sense of everything, “y-you’re a demon, and I’m just...some human. I-I thought--”

He shook his head, “I don’t care what I am or what you are. I love you with everything I have, and I should’ve told you sooner. I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same because of what I am, but I can’t let you see yourself so poorly. And even though you don’t feel the same, I’ll still remind you how amazing you are beca--”

His sentence was cut short when something pressed against his lips. Something warm and soft. His eyes slid shut as one of his hands released one of yours to cup your cheek, kissing you back. It was a sweet kiss that lasted as long as it took for the rain to stop and the clouds to disperse in the sky.

When you pulled away, Kino looked confused but in a daze, looking at you curiously with his lips still half-puckered.

“Who said I didn’t love you back?” you asked with a small smile. “I thought you didn’t love me because I’m just a human. That’s why I was trying to date...”

His eyes closed as he let out a deep sigh that made you laugh, “I’m never going to live this down.”

“Sorry,” you giggled, giving his hand that still held yours a squeeze.

“Don’t apologize,” he smiled a dazzling smile as he opened his eyes to look at you. His thumb softly stroked your cheek as his head slightly tilted to one side. “Just tell me that you love me too.”

“I love you,” you told him.

And you swore, the sun had never shone brighter than it did that afternoon.

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