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disorganisedautodidact · 1 year

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Was sorely tempted to join in on the Elwing discourse / kidnap fam discourse that’s been going around, but honestly my main complaint to a lot of the discoursers boils down to „ffs stop complaining about the way other people enjoy their favourite characters and just make a post about how you interpret them instead, and let people have their fun“, so I’m following my own advice and making my own post about my current Elwing headcanons (subject to me changing my mind in a week or two because I had / saw another idea I liked). Where I mention other takes I’ve seen, I’m doing so to clarify my point via what I don’t mean, not to criticize anyone.

- Elwing’s early life was pretty much shaped by the experience of her home being destroyed and her family slaughtered when she was only a toddler, and then they lived a probably pretty precarious life in a refugee settlement and as a very young adult many things happening to that settlement became her respondibility. Her mental health probably wasn’t great, and I don’t think anyone in first age Beleriand had access to therapy except for Maedhros’ former thrall self-help group in Himring. This doesn’t mean her life was a complete horror show all of the time – I like to think she found some joy in her friendship and later romance with Eärendil, in learning and discovering her talents, in helping people … – but I think any serious portrayal of Elwing should take her trauma into account (maybe she was drinking a lot? maybe she was sometimes aggressive without a reason that others could see? maybe she just had terrible nightmares or couldn’t stand certain foods because they were what she ate on her last night in Doriath…. (also give me Elwing and Eärendil learning each other’s trauma responses and helping each other deal, btw)), and I think it probably affected her decision-making and her relationships with others, to a degree.

- it’s important for me to take into account how young Elwing was, although of course we can’t quite tell exactly how young she was – half-elven aging is notoriously weird, but honestly even humans are pretty young, at twenty-something, to take on a leadership role in a situation like that, and be in need of more guidance than Elwing had at the time. And I do think Elwing was „younger“ than a human would have been at that age. Elven children develop faster than human children cognitively, but slower physically and emotionally, so there’s alredy a lot of potential messiness with even „simple“ half-elves like Eärendil. And Elwing was more than half elven, with a decent chunk of Maia thrown in. We have no idea how she might have aged, but it’s entirely possible that she and Eärendil were at pretty different developmental stages at the same age, and also that no-one, including themselves, quite understood exactly how mature either of them were at any particular point. Young people tend not to have a good grasp on their own maturity levels (source: I’ve been a young person) and no-one around them had much experience with half-elves (ok, some of the Doriathrim might have known Dior well enough to be relevant for this, but Dior also had a different mix of elf, maia and human genetics and might well have aged at a different pace than his children). That has both fun comedic potential for childhood friends Eärendil and Elwing, and potential for dark, messy takes on their relationship if that’s your thing.

- I like to think Elrond and Elros inherited their healing talents from Elwing – maybe the whole „the hands of the king are the hands of a healer“ thing started not with Elros, but with Elwing! It was probably a very useful talent to have in late first age Beleriand, and perhaps one of the things that made the Gondolindrim in her settlement look to her as a leader rather than just their leader’s wife (the Doriathrim would have already accepted her as Thingol’s heir)

- speaking of which. ruling over a settlement of the remnants of two recently uprooted cultures as someone who has no roots in (in fact, may have inherited active opposition to) one of the cultures and lost the stable home of the other as a young child cannot have been easy, and Elwing was really young (see above). I simply can’t imagine she didn’t make plenty of mistakes and wasn’t a controversial figure (beloved, too, perhaps, but the two aren’t mutually exclusive). It’s possible she did very good work as a ruler and a healer! But that doesn’t mean she was in any way flawless. And she lived in a time when there were so many mistakes to be made and not a lot of good choices.

- Elwing was dealing with her own, probably significant, emotional issues, AND trying to hold together a settlement of refugees from at least two different cultures, AND parenting young twins by herself with Eärendil mostly off at sea. I headcanon that she loved the twins a great deal and raised them as best she could, but I also think she probably struggled to give Elrond and Elros enough of the kind of close, emotionally attuned attention that kids need, and the lack of which can seriously fuck a kid up. Being raised by a traumatised parent can be rough even if everyone involved is doing their best.

- which isn’t to say she wasn’t a loving parent. I do think she tried to spend as much time with them as she could, and that she made every decision with them in mind (not all of those decisions worked out well, but I do think she was trying). But she was alone in very different circumstances, and it’s not unreasonable to assume that she was often (physically or emotionally) absent or lost her temper and yelled sometimes.

- it’s also not to say that Elrond and Elros weren’t devastated to lose her.

- this post isn’t about my interpretation of the Oath of Fëanor, so I won’t go into it a lot, but basically I’m the „the Oath is a metaphysical compulsion that takes away free will to an extent, and while the silmaril was at Sirion, the Fëanorians were going to attack it sooner or later whether they wanted to or not“ camp. And I do think Maedhros told Elwing that and begged her to believe him.

- I also think Elwing had absolutely no reason to believe a single word he said.

- I think that she thought, wrongly but understandably, that the sons of Fëanor valued a shiny rock more than the lives of innocents, and acted accordingly

- possibly she could have prepared for the attack better, like sending her kids away to Balar or something, but to be fair, sending your children away, even for their own safety, is a heartbreaking decision to make and Elwing not doing so is understandable

- nor do I think it’s fair to say she abandoned her children – she was probably realising by now that she and the silmaril were what was putting them in danger, and figured she’d take that out of the equation

- but I do think the twins FELT abandoned, because when you’re six, you don’t understand that kind of reasoning

- as a teenager you might understand, but intellectually knowing your parents loved you and acted to keep you safe, and FEELING loved by them are two different things

- this isn’t the time to get into my kidnap fam headcanons, of which I have many, but in brief: I also think that it took Elrond and Elros a long time to feel safe with Maglor and Maedhros or feel affection for them, but I also think that, while it was their fault that Elrond and Elros were alone in the ruins of a destroyed settlement (yes the Oath forced them into the kinslaying, yes it’s still their fault for swearing it in the first place), once it got to that point taking the children with them was probably the best option. Gil-galad’s forces were still a ways away, and the survivors of Sirion were fleeing. What were they supposed to do, leave them sitting around among damaged buildings by themselves in a land swarming with orcs and other monsters? And once they were with them, I’m completely convinced that Maglor and Maedhros did the best they could to raise them, teach them, and not do further harm. Result: E&E were raised and loved by the least malicious of the monsters out there, and that’s messy and fucked up and fascinating.

- I don’t think adult Elrond would have been all „fuck Elwing, Maglor and Maedhros are my real parents“ (though sometimes fics like that can be cathartic for reasons that have nothing to do with the characters and everything to do with sometimes you just need to project some stuff on your blorbo), but I do think teenage Elrond might have thought it sometimes

- please join me in imagining adult Elrond, already working as a healer in the war of wrath, getting to Gil-galad’s camp and meeting people who knew his mother, who tell him about her work as a healer, and the complicated emotional journey he goes through from having that connection with her, a connection I think he grew to cherish

- also I think Elwing went through a lot of healing and growth in Valinor because 6000 years is a long fucking time – if 30 year old Elwing is old enough to have kids and be a leader, then imagine what she’s like at 6500 years.

- Elrond and Elwing and Eärendil reconnected in Valinor, but it likely took all of them some time to get to know each other again – but by then I think they were all in a place to want to try despite everything

- and by everything I do mean, among other things, Elrond’s genuine familial love for Maglor and Maedhros and his care for their followers who remained loyal to him after the war of wrath (the details of THAT would need another post that wouldn’t have all that much to do with Elwing, so I won’t go into it much more in a post about her). I think that Elwing and Eärendil would have found that hard to forgive, but I’m also convinced that after 6500 years they cared more about their son than about their (completely justified!) resentment.

- there would have been a different, but equally complicated journey for adult Elros – yeah, Eärendil and Elwing can’t go back to Middle Earth, but can they go to Númenor? who knows, but they could certainly send messages! (unlike Elrond, actually – I know fandom tends to ignore this because it’s Sad, but the appendices tell us that there was no contact between Númenor and Middle Earth until after Elros’ death – the twins might or might not have communicated through ósanwë, but there were no visits or letters)

-anyway this has been a loose collection of my Elwing headcanons as they are right now. I’ll probably make other posts about my ideas about kidnap fam and about the oath and the kinslayings, because I have a lot of thoughts on those topics, but I wanted this post to be mostly about Elwing

#let elwing be complicated #i love her #but i need her to be allowed to be a mess actually

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lockoutkey · 2 years

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New fic after months sorry guys

Etho was going to die.

The phone was ringing and he could see the caller ID. Death. His phone said fucking Death. He had heard stories about how people felt when they saw Death calling them. He read the threads people posted of their final day on twitter. He read the submissions to tumblr blogs where people could anonymously confess on their death day like they were in a church. All the “Oh yeah I actually cheated on my wife by fucking her sister.” got old after a while. If you're gonna admit all your wrongdoings before you’re about to die, make it good.

That’s what he always thought. He always criticized them. Now he was the one thinking back on his sins. He never cheated on anyone of course. He could admit to burning down that abandoned factory, but it had been an accident, and he was also 16 at the time. Teenagers are stupid, lay off. He’d already gotten arrested for stealing all those plants, so no reason to admit to that.

The phone kept ringing. It was 12:02am and it would ring until he died unless he answered. Death stared him down through the iPhone. What a horrible way to find out. He should answer. What if it woke up Beef? God, he would have to explain this to his roommate. Should he? He wouldn’t be able to pay half the rent anymore. God, how do you even tell your best friend you have less than a day to live.

He picked up the phone with shaking hands and somehow managed to slide the arrow to talk. “Hello?”

“Hello! Am I speaking to Etho?”

Etho wanted to cry. Who the hell gave Death a phone. He hated Alexander Graham Cracker “Yes.”

“Perfect! I would like to inform you of your death. In the next 24 hours, you will die. Unfortunately, I am unable to provide information such as time and place due to past attempts of death cheaters. However, we are able to provide any resources you need on your final day.”

Fuck.

Etho was silent. He always had a morbid curiosity of what Death said on the final call. Why were they so chipper? He was being told he was going to die. Were they so jaded by their job that they just didn’t care anymore?

“I see you’ve already set up funeral arrangements, which makes this even easier for us. If you would like to make any changes you’ll be able to call us at any point before your death. Now, would you like to be in the death duo program or not?”

None of that made sense to Etho. “What’s a death duo?”

“Ah, my mistake. For those who may be alone or wish to spend it with someone besides their loved ones for some reason, they can be assigned someone else who will be dying the same day. Your death duo would be a man named Bdubs. Would you like to opt into the program?”

Etho laughed humorously. “Why the hell not. Add me in.”

“Lovely! We will send the contact information within five minutes. If you do not receive it, please call or email us. Are you in need of anything else?”

Time. “No.”

“Wonderful. We hope you’ve had a great life. Have a great last day!”

The call ended abruptly. Would he die like that? Suddenly and with no warning? Was he going to die slowly, maybe he would drown or be stabbed. He never feared death, most people didn’t anymore. Now that they knew someone out there was aware of their last day, someone would tell them, they lived life much freer. They could live life dangerously. Why be scared of skydiving if you wouldn’t die that day?

He could hear Beef snoring through their thin apartment walls. He was an early to bed early to rise kinda guy. Etho wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. How could he? He was going to die. He had just peacefully been playing terraria when he got the call. Now he was going through moral dilemmas.

Does he wake up Beef and tell him? He put on his green slippers and stood in front of Beef’s door. He was hesitant to knock. He couldn’t. The last thing they did was make homemade pizzas. The kitchen was still a mess from last night. He lowered his hand. He should clean up. For Beef. Maybe it was cruel to spend his last day away from his friend, but Etho wanted the last memory to be a happy one. He didn’t want Beef to spend the last hours together sad. Plus, he had that Bdubs guy to deal with.

He grabbed a wad of paper towels and sprayed down the counter. There was pizza sauce on the spruce cabinets. How did that even get there? Cheese was stuck on the tiles, and bits of dough were embedded into the counter. His speaker was still turned on. The two really were chaos incarnate. Etho leaned on the counter and ran his hands through his hair. He wasn’t going to cry. He wouldn’t cry. The counter was wet from the all-purpose cleaner. So was his face and hands. Who was he kidding? He slid against the wall and stared at the ceiling, feeling like a main character in a movie after they find out bad news. Not too far off from the truth.

His phone buzzed on the half cleaned counter. He wiped the tears across his face and stood up, he still had to put the dishes in the dishwasher. There was a text from an unknown number. He saw Death had texted him a number that matched with the unknown text. This must be his death duo. Bdubs.

Bdubs: Is this Etho?

Etho: Yeah, Bdubs huh?

Bdubs: Yep.

Etho: So…

Bdubs: We’re gonna die, huh?

Etho: I guess.

Bdubs: What are we gonna do about it?

Etho: Wdym?

Bdubs: I mean, I’m not saying go jump off a bridge or travel the world, what are we gonna do? We have a day to live, we might as well make it worth something.

Etho thought about it while putting the rest of the dishes into the washer. He was right. Etho could just sit inside and wait. He could let Beef walk in his room and find his body. He would probably scar his roommate for life, but at least Etho could relax on his last day. Where was the happiness in that though. There wasn’t much to do in January, but they could find some fun.

Etho: Do you know the fountain on Swing Road? Meet me there in an hour.

Bdubs: That’s almost 1:30am

Etho: Like you said, might as well make today worth it

Etho turned off his phone. Bdubs seemed like an interesting guy, but he had only talked for a few sentences. Etho walked into the living room, picking up his and Beef’s cat Chester along the way. He stood next to the coffee table, looking around. He probably wouldn’t see his apartment again after he left. He spent so many nights drinking and watching movies on that old smelly couch. Their Wall of Shame was filled with polaroid photos of him and his friends, mostly of them leaning over a bucket or toilet about to puke their guts out after a night of bar hopping. His favorite was Tango with sharpie dicks on his face. He had been pissed seeing the photo on the wall the next morning. He had soon gotten revenge on the others during their yearly camping trip. Beef, Impulse, Zedaph, and Etho floating on a lake would forever be ingrained in their memories, as well as plastered on the wall for any visitors to see.

Chester stretched in his arms. “Aww, come on buddy, you don’t wanna spend time with me? I thought cats were supposed to tell when people were going to die. Do you hate me that much?” Chester ignored him and hopped down. Stupid cat. He had to get dressed anyway.

What do you wear when you know you’re going to die? Should he be comfortable? Fancy? Casual?

Etho: What are you wearing?

Bdubs: Take me on a date first.

Etho: That’s…nvm

Why did he try? Was he making a mistake? Weren't you supposed to spend your last day surrounded by loved ones? He was supposed to spend it with friends and family, crying his eyes out wishing for more time. Should he back out? What were they even going to do? Fuck it, where was his flannel? He threw it over his white pajama shirt and called it a day. It wasn’t like he slept in it. Jeans, he needed those. He wouldn’t die in ketchup stained sweatpants. He would go out looking like a Calvin Klein model reject.

He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. This was it. He was going to walk out that door and not come back. He should write a letter to Beef, right? He already wrote his will out, it was updated and ready for today. Beef deserved something more though. He shuffled through his desk for a clean sheet of paper and a pen, sliding into his chair for a hastily written death note.

So if you’re reading this letter, I’m dead. Sorry. Well, I don’t know if I should be sorry, cause it’s not like it’s MY fault I got the call. Better me before you though. Can you imagine if they told other people about someone else’s death instead? Like, what if you knew instead. How fucked yo would that be? Sorry, I’m rambling. I bet you read sorry in my accent, huh?

Anyways, since I’m dead you’re gonna be the one doing everything, right? With my will and funeral since my mom and dad are dead too. That’s for doing all that buddy, you mean the world to me, seriously. You don’t have to do all this but you said you would when the day came. We thought it would be in like 50 years, but well, can’t control death.

Take care of our little monster, okay? Chester deserves all the treats. Tell Impulse to finish his PhD and if he doesn’t I'm haunting him. Tell Tango I know he stole my cookies that one time in the fourth grade and I forgive him. Tell Zed not to join me too soon, I know his experiments get dangerous, stay safe.

I love you.

His roof must have a leak because there were splotches of water on the paper. He folded it and wrote his roommate's name on the back. There was no reason for Beef to go in here until he got the call Etho was dead.

He looked at the clock and swore. He had half an hour to get to the fountain. He would have to run rather than walk. Should he throw caution to the wind? It wasn’t like he was going to die tomorrow.

He slipped on his shoes and unlocked the door. The click seemed to echo through the house. He winced and turned the doorknob, keeping a close eye on Chester. The evil little demon liked to bolt.

The lock clicked into place and he made a run for it. God, he needed more exercise. Technical support workers only got so much exercise. He hoped his clients wouldn’t be too mad their computers weren’t fully fixed. Beef could recommend them to someone else. Hell, he could probably fix their computers for them.

The stress he dashed by still wasn't empty. Every few minutes a car would zoom past on their way to who knows where. Maybe they had gotten the call as well. He lived on the outskirts of the city and didn’t miss the chaos at all. The small apartment was nice, he could walk everywhere he needed to go, and if he needed to go somewhere further he could grab a train or bus. Life was nice.

Damnit.

He shook his head. Now wasn’t the time to reminisce. He slowed down as he came up on the center fountain. It wasn’t hard to find Bdubs, seeing as he was the only person standing by the unused sculpture this late at night. His hands were in his sweatshirt pockets. The man was doing a strange dance where he would jump on the fountain edge, lean forward, back, and jump down as gravity and momentum took over. He slammed the label goofball on Bdubs before even speaking with him.

“Hey!” He shouted across the square. Bdubs, in the middle of a jump, turned violently and fell back into the fountain. Thank god it was the middle of winter and turned off, that could have spelled disaster.

Now, Etho was described as many things. He had an aura that strangers often found mysterious and intimidating. Friends knew he was just Some Guy. He refers to himself as a nerd who likes to fix computers and collect pokémon cards. He wanted to make a good first impression on Bdubs though. Etho ran up to the fallen Bdubs, who looked like a freshly kicked raccoon. What he wanted to say was an apology. Etho also wanted to ask about the status of Bdubs’s health. These thoughts ended with Etho saying the following.

“Are you fucking sorry?”

If it weren’t the last day of his life, the look on Bdubs’ face would haunt him for the rest of it. “Excuse me?!”

Etho ran his hands down his face. So much for good first impressions. “No, wait. I was trying to say ‘Are you okay’ and ‘I’m so fucking sorry’ at the same time and I messed up. My bad.”

Bdubs shook his head. “Man, this is the guy they set me up with. Well, I won’t complain. I would have stayed with my roommates, but…”

“You want them to remember you without the whole inevitable end thing?” Etho finished.

Bdubs nodded. Maybe that’s why people agreed to this dumb setup. Yeah, it was nice to spend your final hours with people you love, but why spend it sad and wishing for more time. Let them remember you for the person you were, right?

“So, what first?” Etho asked. He had a few ideas, but had no clue what to do at 1:30am. Nothing was open.

“You ever heard of insomnia cookies? It’s like 10 minutes away from the city. Closes at 3am?”

Etho nodded his head. He’d never been there himself but heard good things about the store. “There first?”

“Yup.” Bdubs twirled his keys and walked towards a lone blue car. It barely looked held together and Etho was sure this metal tube was his sentence. “I’ve always wanted to try it but I always put it off. Thought I had time, ya know?”

Etho rubbed his hands together. “Trust me, I know.”

Etho stepped into the passenger side and immediately made sure there was a handle to grab onto. Better safe than sorry. Then again, he had no reason to be safe today. Might as well live on the edge. He still put his seatbelt on though. Safety first.

Bdubs driving was, if he was to make a comparison, akin to a squirrel on ketamine. Etho was going to throw up. That would be how he died, in a car with a man he just met while puking and it would be all Bdubs fault. Where did he find this guy again?

“Let me the hell out.” Etho wheezed.

“Why? Is there something wrong with my driving?” Bdubs asked, flying over a speed bump and smashing into a traffic cone.

“Oh my god.”

Thankfully, he slowed down once they got closer to the city. There were few days and pedestrians, but just because it was their last day on earth didn’t mean they had to be the cause someone else met their end.

The city lights flashed off the glass skyscrapers. He had never really been a city boy, he liked plants more than sewer rats. However, when it was silent, when no one was out, it was almost peaceful. The scaffolding flew past and he imagined construction workers and their fear of falling.

“Where is this place?” He asked.

Bdubs gestured up ahead. “A couple blocks, trust me, you’ll like it.”

Etho raised an eyebrow. “How would you know what I like? You just met me. Maybe I like bitter things.”

“Do you like bitter food?”

“No.”

Bdubs smirked. “There you go. Okay, how ‘bout this, 20 questions, you and me. Easy way to get to know each other!”

Etho scoffed. “Really? 20 questions? Isn’t that a game teenagers play to ask each other on a date?”

Bdubs opened his mouth to retaliate and disagree, but accepted Etho was right. “Fine, it's not 20 questions. It’s two guys dying at any moment and they wanna get to know each other. That sound good?”

Etho tapped his chin. “Hmm, I can accept that.”

The cookie place wasn’t that impressive. It seemed like a bad start to the day, but Etho would stay positive. He hasn’t even tried the cookies yet. The door chimed open and the two stepped into the warm shop. It was nicer on the inside, chairs set up around the place. Paintings of cookies dotted the walls under posters advertising different types of cookies they sold. He didn’t know there could be cookies so big.

“Welcome to Insomnia Cookies, how can I help you?” The cashier asked with as much energy someone could have at almost two am. They were here close to closing, so they were rightfully annoyed at them. They could suck it up, today was the day for Etho to do whatever the hell he wanted.

Bdubs looked through the cookies on display. “Hmmm, I’ll have the deluxe monster’wich! Etho, what do you want?”

Etho looked at Bdubs in disbelief. “Why would you order that? It’s in the negatives outside.”

Bdubs shrugged. “Go big or go home.”

Etho laughed. “You know what? Okay. I’ll just have a snickerdoodle cookie.”

The cashier sighed and rang them up. “$10.87.”

Enthusiastic. Listen, Etho was an insomniac, he wouldn’t even get the chance to fall asleep until at least 3am on a good night, this was hardly the first time he would be awake for a whole day.

The cookies were already made so they sat down quickly. Bdub��s ice cream dripped onto his napkin and Etho couldn’t help but be the slightest bit jealous and wishing he had gotten it. However, he would rather have his cookie than freeze. His jacket was barely keeping out the cold.

“What next?” Bdubs asked, mouth full of ice cream and cookie bits.

That was a good question. There wasn’t much to do at 2am. Most of the population was asleep or at their homes. Only Walmarts and this Insomnia Cookie were open. “Wanna graffiti a building?”

Bdubs’s eyes widened. “That’s illegal!”

Etho took a bite of cookies. “I mean, only if you get caught. It’s not as bad as the arson.”

“You know what,” Bdubs smirked. “You’re not wrong. Alright, Mr. ACAB, where we doin’ this? Do you just have spray paint or whatever you use on hand?”

Etho tossed his wrapper in the trash can. “I know a guy. He’ll still be awake right now, he’s just like that.”

Bdubs followed Etho out, making sure to wipe off his ice cream covered hands before leaving. It was still freezing out and Etho was glad he hadn’t had ice cream. Watching Bdubs shiver, he wondered if the other man regretted it. Probably not.

Etho gave the directions to Bdubs and they headed off. Now that they were in the city, his driving was much better, however, Etho still feared for his life. He couldn’t even drive but he could probably stay between the lines better than Bdubs. “Why are you such a bad driver?”

“Is that one of the questions?”

Etho shook his head, turning green. “It’s a concern for our safety.”

Bdubs nodded to the wheel. “You wanna drive?”

“I can’t drive.” Etho admitted. “But I could probably do a hell of a lot better than whatever you’re doing.”

Bdubs grinned, Etho didn’t like it. “Is that a challenge?”

Oh no. “Yes.”

Bdubs cackled. “Fine then, we’ll see who the better driver is.”

Etho bit his lip. He might’ve just made a mistake. Oh well, something to pass the time.

“So, what’s this guys name? This mysterious stranger.” Bdubs swerved around the corner.

“Iskall.” Etho gritted out. “We were college roommates but he went off with some friends. Came back a few years ago and I helped him get set up around here. He owns a pawn shop.”

“Cool! So he has money, right?” Bdubs asked. Etho shrugged. He never asked how much Iskall made, but it was probably more than his measly salary.

The pawn shop was tucked between a thrift store and a chinese restaurant. The bright green ‘VAULT HUNTERS’ sign pushed away the darkness. Iskall should already be down. He’d texted his friend they were coming but gave no details. Hopefully the Swedish man could forgive him.

Etho rapped on the door. A shout came from within the door and brought a smile to Etho’s face. He hadn’t seen Iskall in a while, and although he wouldn’t let the man know why they were there so early in the morning, he would enjoy seeing his old friend one last time.

“What the hell are you doing here? Do you know what time it is? Who are you?” The Swedish man raged in the doorway.

Etho smiled. “It’s nice to see you too, Iskall! Can we come in?”

Iskall grumbled but opened the door for them. The two walked into the pawn shop, ignoring the burning glare of Iskall. The shop was filled to the brim with who knows what, probably organized in a way only Iskall knew. In one corner was a grand piano and in another was a ceramic clown. Paintings that had to be worth thousands hung on the wall. How has this place not been robbed yet? Though he wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of Iskall’s rage, they were friends, and the man wouldn’t actually hurt him. Probably.

“I need the stuff.” Etho requested.

Iskall raised an eyebrow. “The helpful stuff or the bad stuff.”

“The fun stuff.”

“Damnit Etho.”

Iskall beckoned them further into the mess. Bdubs looked as if he was resisting the urge to touch everything in sight and he was relieved the man kept his hands to himself. He led them to a counter that Iskall walked behind and disappeared into a back room.

Bdubs glanced nervously at Etho. “He’s not gonna kill us, right?”

Etho looked thoughtful. “Probably not.”

“Great.”

Iskall came back out and threw a duffle bag on the table. Metal clinked together inside the ripped bag. “I don’t know what you two are planning, but this isn’t mine.”

Etho nodded. “This isn’t yours, got it. Thanks, Iskall.”

Iskall waved him off. “You’re lucky you’re one of my best friends, Etho. Let me know if you need anything else, preferable at a different time, though.”

Etho shot finger guns at him. “You got it. We’re heading out. Bye, Iskall!”

Iskall waved and headed up a set of stairs. Etho turned to Bdubs and grinned, holding up the bag. “So, where first?”

Bdubs walked towards the door. “Luckily for you, there’s one place that has been annoying me for way too long. You know Boatem?”

Etho ran through his memory. “That new shopping center with the train?”

Bdubs nodded. “My favorite cafe used to be there. I live close to there and that train goes off at all points of the day. It’s time for revenge.”

“Sounds like a plan!” Etho cheered, throwing the bag into the back seat. Good thing cops rarely showed up late at night. Plus, Etho knew how to evade them. He had practice.

The cans rattled in the backseat as Bdubs sped through the streets. On second thought, maybe it would be nice for some cops to show up. They could actually pull the man over and explain what a speed limit was. “Slow down…”

“Hell no!” Bdubs cheered.

They got to Boatem in record time. Etho himself had never been as he was more of a thrifting man than hundred dollar shopping outlets. Sometimes capitalism needs to be sent a message in the form of toxic pain.

“Where do you wanna do this?” Etho asked. “You know the place better than me.”

Bdubs motioned towards a large platform. “The train, it annoys me the most. What should we draw on it though?”

“Your mom.” Etho blurted without thinking. Silence fell between the two as they processed exactly what Etho said. “Wait, no, I didn’t mean YOUR mom, I mean the words. I’m sure you have a lovely mother.”

Bdubs doubled over laughing. “Seriously? The best you can come up with is that? How old are you?”

Etho crossed his arms. “It’s a classic joke…”

“Fine. You write your dumb jokes. I’m writing the communist manifesto.” Bdubs stomped off to apparently spread propaganda. To each their own.

Etho hopped next to the train. It was smaller than a real train and didn’t actually move. But from the wiring he could see, it probably made the same noisess as one. That would line up with Bdubs’s annoyance. He pushed a box over so he was level with the side and grabbed a red can. He didn’t care what Bdubs said, your mom jokes were hilarious. He didn’t just write jokes, he also drew various animals on the train. He wasn’t what you would call an artist, but a couple of circles definitely made a cat. Cats were cute. He couldn’t be arrested for cute things. That’s why he was never arrested, when he most likely should be.

“You done?” He heard after a while. Etho looked over his zoo work. Beautiful.

“Yeah!” He shouted back.

Bdubs wandered over and glanced over his art. “I’m sure Boatem will be thoroughly pissed off. Good job, E!”

“Thank you! What did you do?” Etho followed Bdubs over to his side where he did indeed see the first lines of the communist manifesto. He thought he was joking, but no, his new friend really knew it by heart. It was surrounded by some of the most beautiful graffiti he had ever seen. Was he an artist? He had to take a picture with his phone. “Bdubs, you’re amazing.”

“I know!” Bdubs flipped non-existent hair. “What next? It’s almost 5am.”

Etho bit his nail. “Are you hungry? I know a good cafe that’s open around this time. Since yours closed down, you can try this one out.”

“Sure, where is it? I can’t believe they open at 5am. Who does that?” Bdubs asked.

“Well, they don’t actually, they get there to get ready. I just know people.” Etho admitted.

Bdubs laughed. “Ok, Mr. Popular and Mysterious. Do you know anyone who could talk death into sparing us?”

The fun mood deflated from Etho. “No.”

Bdubs realized his mistake and tried to apologize. Etho waved him off but still felt the dark cloud fall over him once again. He felt bad for making Bdubs feel guilty, but he was still processing his impending death. The car ride to the cafe was as silent as it was dangerous, but Etho could even bring himself to lighten the mood despite Bdubs’s many tries. They only spoke once they pulled up to the cafe Etho had mentioned. “Well, we’re here.”

Etho snorted. “Let’s go in.”

The cafe was tiny but cute. It had a yellow and green exterior that emitted a vibe of joy. Despite it being winter, there were chairs and tables for outside seating. They were covered in a thin layer of frost from the low temperature. The glass front had the words “Stressless Cafe” in decals. He knocked on the door and a brunette woman in an apron opened the door. “Etho! What are you doing here? It’s not even opening.”

Etho rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “I know, but I was out this early and this was the only place I could think to take us. Oh, this is Bdubs. Bdubs, this is Stress.”

Stress looked carefully at Bdubs before holding out her hand. “I haven’t seen you before. New friend of Etho’s?”

Bdubs shook her hand and glanced at Etho. “Um, something like that.”

Stress paused and a grin slowly spread across her face. “Oh! Well, good for you, Etho. It’s about time you brought someone around.”

Etho’s eyes widened in panic. “No, Stress, it’s not- that’s not- you’re misunderstanding.”

Stress winked at Bdubs. “He’s a shy one.”

Bdubs’s face heated up, catching on to Stress’s implication. “Oh, that’s not- We’re not- you’ve got it wrong!”

Stress laughed. “Whatever you two say. Come on in. You want the usual, Etho?”

Etho tried to hide more of his face in his mask. “Yes, that’s fine.”

Stress brought them to a table and pointed at the still red Bdubs. “What about you? Anything in particular?”

“Um, a hot chocolate please?” He squeaked out.

Stress nodded. “Strawberry cake okay?” She walked away to prepare their order before getting a confirmation. Who was this woman?

“Stress is nosy, I’m so sorry for her.” Etho said. He stared at the table. Well, the previous awkwardness was now replaced with a different kind.

Bdubs coughed. “It’s fine. Friends are like that, yeah?”

An awkward silence fell over the table. Great, how was this going to be fixed. “So, how long have you known Stress.”

Etho looked relieved to talk about something easy and familiar. “She was originally a friend of Iskall. They were in the same classes and she would come over all the time. She opened the cafe when she graduated and I’ve been coming here ever since.”

Bdubs nodded. “That’s cool she could open it right away. It’s hard to do that as a college kid.”

“Her parents have good money and helped her out, plus we spread fliers all over town for like a month before the opening.” Etho explained.

“What are you two doing here so early?”

Etho’s mouth dropped. “Iskall?!”

Iskall stood in front of them decked out in an apron and green shirt. He looked positively annoyed to see the two of them. “Yes, that’s my name.”

“Don’t you work at your own shop?” Bdubs asked. He was new to this friend group, so perhaps he was wrong. Judging by Etho’s reaction though the man wasn’t usually there.

Iskall placed their food and drinks down. “Eh, I help Stress out sometimes. Today is your lucky day.”

Etho nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay, I guess that makes sense?”

“Well…bye.” Iskall walked off presumably to help stress.

“Does he just work everywhere?” Bdubs asked. Etho threw up his hands. How was he supposed to know? He just dug into his muffin and tried to ignore his impending doom. Bdubs did the same with his cake.

It was nice to sit in silence after the crazy few hours they had so far. Etho would admit, it had been the most fun he had in quite a while. He never would have been able to do something like this without being under these circumstances.

The two were able to get over their awkwardness and just talk for a few hours in the cozy warmth of the cafe table. There really wasn’t much they could do at this time, but at least they could get to know each other.

Etho had barely touched his phone since he left the house. Beef must’ve noticed he wasn’t there because his phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket. Sure enough, a text from his roommate. Beef usually wakes up around 7.

Beef: Yo, Etho, where are you?

Did he lie? He should. He couldn’t tell the truth. Beef would want him home immediately and Etho just couldn’t face him.

Etho: Got a text from a client. Said they would pay more if I could check out their computer right now. I won’t say no to money. I couldn’t sleep anyways.

A pang of guilt ran through him. It was for Beef though. It would only hurt him to know what was happening to his friend.

Beef: Sweet, thanks for doing the dishes btw. It was a nice surprise.

Etho smiled and told him it wasn’t any problem. Bdubs looked at him suspiciously. “What’s that smile for?”

“Texting my roommate.” Etho put his phone back down and stretched. “So, you have any more plans?”

Bdubs grinned. “While you were busy texting, I made a few reservations for us.”

That worried Etho. “Reservations?”

Bdubs nodded enthusiastically. “Yep! First thing first, to the mall. We have a fitting to get to.”

Etho should be more worried. His last day on earth and he wasn’t being told where they were going. It could be Bdubs that kills him. What if Bdubs made him drink too much soda? What if Bdubs suffocated him in his car?

The voice of Beef haunted his mind. Stop catastrophizing Etho.

Right. Why would Bdubs kill him when they’re meant to be friends.

Etho pushed away his long finished drink and food. “Alright, tell me about this mysterious fitting.”

“Don’t worry, just follow me.” Bdubs said cryptically.

Etho felt a pant in his heart when Stress cheerfully called out. “See you later Etho! Nice meeting you Bdubs!” No, she wouldn’t be seeing them later, but that’s okay. He got to see his friend one last time. He made sure to leave a bigger tip than usual when she wasn’t looking. $100 should be good.

There were more people out and about now that the sun was up. Some were headed to work while others were simply starting their day with a morning walk. The now crowded land gave him an even bigger fear of Bdubs’s driving and his own death. At any moment they could reach their end.

“So, where are we going?” Etho gritted out. His heart lurched as Bdubs swerved across the lane. He heard a honk from behind him and looked in the mirror to see a woman throw her hands up in her car. He silently apologized on behalf of Bdubs.

“The mall! We have a fitting to get to.” Bdubs said with no explanation. What fitting? Huh?

He found out exactly what he meant when he and Bdubs walked up to a place called Suit and Shoot. He had never touched a place like this before.

“You ever been to a suit store before?” Bdubs asked.

Etho shook his head. “The last time I wore a suit was when I went to my brother's weddings.”

“What’s their names?” Bdubs asked innocently. Etho closed his eyes. Damnit. Oh well, it was bound to happen.

“Patho and Logo.”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“We’re triplets.”

“Fuck off.”

Etho sighed. He loved his mother, but sometimes he wished she didn’t smoke so much weed back in the 80s. Oh well, maybe this was just his punishment. He should stop saying things about himself. Actually, maybe he should stop speaking. Then again, he doubted Bdubs would let him.

“Welcome to Suit and Shoot! How can I- Etho? Bdubs?”

As if this situation couldn’t get any stranger. “Iskall?!” Etho gasped.

Iskall fiddled with measuring tape. “What are you two doing here?”

“What are YOU doing here?” Bdubs accused. “You were just at the cafe. How did you get here so quickly? Do you work everywhere?”

It was more of a rhetorical question, but honestly, Etho wanted to know as well. He only knew his old friend was working at that thrift shop, but a cafe and suit fitting store as well? How many hours a week did this man work? When did he sleep?

Iskall sighed. “Etho, follow me. Bdubs, you go with Wels.”

Wels gestured for Bdubs to walk ahead of him into a side room. Bdubs threw a peace sign at Etho before disappearing through the door. Etho sighed and followed Iskall towards his own fitting room. Did he really need this? What was the point?

Etho let his mind wander while Iskall measured him. What was this even for? Why was he at a fitting at 8am? What was the meaning of life? Wait, this was getting a bit too deep for him. He shouldn’t think that deep. He hasn’t known Bdubs for long, but from what he knows is he did everything with a purpose. What was that purpose? Etho didn’t know. He just knew there was a purpose behind it.

“Alright, done. Give me an hour. What’s this for anyway?”

Etho was taken back. He didn’t know much about being a tailor but didn’t it take days? Today was already strange, though. Might as well make it weirder. “No clue, Bdubs’ idea.”

Iskall looked suspicious. “You two are up to quite a lot today, aren’t you? What’s going on? Big tip for Stress and a suit. You finally take Cleo’s advice?”

Etho’s face heated up. “No! Nothing like that! God, no. Why would you- no. Anyway, it’s just…a thing. I’d rather not talk about it.”

Iskall raised an eyebrow. “Now I’m even more suspicious. Alright, I’ll leave you to it. His shoes do kinda look expensive though, if you’re not gonna, I might-.”

“ISKALL!”

Etho was instructed to wait in the front while Iskall finished up their suits. Etho stopped asking questions long ago. Bdubs joined hom not long after, chatting away. Etho closed his eyes, hoping to get a bit of sleep before the two tailors were finished. Was Iskall even qualified to work here? Was he qualified to work anywhere?

“Etho, wake up.”

He was shaken back into reality seconds later. He glanced down at his phone and saw he had indeed fallen asleep. Iskall was standing in front of him, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. “Welcome back sleeping beauty.”

Etho yawned. “Take me back.”

Iskall pulled his arms. “Nope, I didn’t fix this damn suit for you to sleep in my waiting room. Get up.”

“Your waiting room?” Etho asked, not quite believing the implication Iskall owned the place. How rich was his friend?

Despite Iskall’s many occupations, Etho had to admit, he made a damn good suit. Etho turned in the mirror, admiring the blue and red outfit. He’s never owned something so fancy. He also didn’t have money to pay for it.

Iskall seemed to read his mind. “Your friend paid for it, I know this is out of your pay range. Which brings me to my previous question.”

“No.”

“Fine.”

Etho walked out finally knowing what it was like to be rich. Well, he was still pretty poor, but at least now he looked like he was big money. Bdubs was in a matching green and red suit looking like a walking christmas tree. Etho kept it to himself but silently made it his goal to get someone else to bring it up. He didn’t have a death wish, considering he was already set to die, but someone else could take the bullet and make the comment.

Bdubs grinned, holding his arms out. “Fancy, right?”

Etho stifled a laugh. “Yep, dapper. So, not that this isn’t fun, but what was the point?”

“You’ll see, let’s go.”

“Where?”

“Mcdonald’s.”

Walking into a McDonalds in a three piece suit was definitely not something he thought he would do today. It wasn’t something he thought he would ever do, actually. They got some weird looks but the euphoria he felt about having no cares as to what others thought pushed the looks away. Who gave a shit what some middle aged mom thought when he was going to order chicken nuggets in a fancy outfit.

Bdubs marched up to the cashier with his head held high. The name tag said ‘Grian’ and the guy looked halfway between wanting to die and wanting to kill. They barely phased him. Poor dude probably saw more shit in a day than they did their whole lives. Their shenanigans were nothing.

“What?”

Etho glanced through the menu. “I’ll have a ten piece chicken nugget with a large fry. Oh, and a chocolate milkshake. What do you want?”

“I’ll have the same, but a twenty piece.” Bdubs added, holding out his card.

Grian sighed and took the card. He was going to hand it back but instantly froze. His eyes narrowed and for a minute Etho thought they were in trouble. “Tommy.”

Etho turned around and noticed a teenager standing behind him. He was grinning ear to ear looking right at Grian. “Groin! I didn’t expect you here!”

“Groin?” Bdubs whispered. Etho shrugged, just wanting his chicken nuggets.

“Iskall!” Grian called behind him. “I’ll be back, I have to eat Tommy’s walls again!”

“DON’T YOU DARE!” A voice yelled from the back.

“Iskall? You work here?” They had just seen him make their suits, why was he at a McDonalds? Why was he at any of these places besides the store he owned? Did he own this McDonalds too?

Iskall grabbed Grian’s shirt. “Leave and I’ll burn your house.”

“Don’t eat my house again!” The child, Tommy, cried in despair. Etho glanced at Bdubs and silently moved out of line. Whatever this soap opera was, he didn’t want any part of it. They had paid and that was all that mattered.

“So, Iskall works at a lot of places, huh?” Bdubs asked.

Etho shrugged. “I honestly don’t know if he actually works there.” A loud crash distracted the two and they saw a man storm out from an office. His nametag claimed him as Xisuma, the manager. Oh boy, this was about to get interesting.

“What is all this mess about?” The manager asked.

Iskall pointed at his coworker. “Don’t look at me, Grian is threatening to eat that kid's house again. I’m pretty sure this is against store code or something.”

“It is.” Xisuma turned to Tommy. “You want a job?”

“WHAT?” Screeched Grian.

Everyone ignored him. “Fuck yeah! Sign me up boss man!”

Xisuma waved them off and left for the office again. “Great, start now.”

Iskall sighed and reached for a bag of food. “Great, now I have to train a newbee. Take your damn food, Etho.”

Etho smiled in sympathy. “Good luck buddy.”

Etho was very careful with the sauce. He refused to ruin his new fancy suit. Sure, he would only have his suit for today, seeing as he was gonna die, but that didn’t matter. It was the principle. The world had other plans, however.

“Fuck!” Etho yelled, dropping ketchup onto his jacket. He grabbed a napkin and dabbed at it, hoping it wouldn’t stain.

“He’s goated with the sauce.”

Etho turned back towards the counter. The new trainee, Tommy, stared him down. Etho felt his skin crawl. “What?”

Tommy pointed. “Quirked up white boy bustin it down sexual style. Is he goated with the sauce?”

Etho looked at Bdubs, who shrugged his shoulders. “Are you?”

Etho was gonna pass out.

“Can we go?” Etho asked, pushing away the rest of his meal. He didn’t wait for Bdubs and instead hurried out of the McDonalds. Bdubs rushed after, throwing a quick thank you to Grian. Tommy shouted back instead, vastly misinterpreting it.

“I want to go hiking. We can drive to the mountain, but I want to get to the top.” Bdubs led the way to his car. Etho still couldn’t shake his anxiety of getting in that car. After the first close call he wanted nothing to do with that death trap. He did not want to die in a car. He had avoided cars for so long it would piss him off to die in one.

“I don’t think I’ve been hiking in years, I’m down. Converse aren’t the best but I’ll deal with it. It’s not like my feet are gonna hurt tomorrow.” Etho jokes. Bdubs punched him in the arm at the sick comedy.

Etho didn’t know if Bdubs drove like a maniac because he was going to die, or if that was his usual style. But he weaved through traffic like a tetris player in the middle of a prize winning competition. He either ignored the honking or straight up didn’t hear them. He was so focused on getting to whatever mountain they were heading to he nearly hit an elderly woman. He missed though. It wasn’t her day to die, then.

Bdubs slowed as they left the city. Etho had never really left, he’d grown up surrounded by metal and concrete. Maybe it was nice to die away from it all? Somewhere strange and new. Beautiful and wild. The mountains loomed large and dark, so similar yet different from his home, and in a way so like his enclosing fate. The paved roads changed to dirt and open landscapes changed to tall spruce and oak trees.

Etho threw himself out of the car as soon as they hit the forest. Bdubs ignored him and stretched. He grabbed a stick on the ground and tested its weight. “Look at that! Free walking stick!”

Etho groaned and pushed himself up. The one good thing about dying today; he would never have to deal with Bdubs’ god-awful driving ever again. After all, this was probably the last place they would end up. They somehow hadn’t died on the road. Etho had no clue how they could die on the mountain, though. Would they be killed by some bear?

Bdubs poked Etho with his stick. “Come on, we’re not dead yet.”

Etho pushed himself up and sighed. “No, but we’re pretty damn close. Let’s go, maybe this mountain is a volcano and is gonna explode soon.”

“Now that would be a way to go!”

Etho had to admit the long trek was relaxing on his mind. It was painful and he had to stop way too often, but he was disappointed he hadn’t done this more. He didn’t really believe in an afterlife or some god he’s supposed to see, but if he were to be reincarnated, he hoped he were smart enough to think about coming here. Maybe he would even be a tree. A nice dark oak tree.

Neither of them talked much during those next few hours. They didn’t have much to talk about. They were just waiting at this point. Who would be first? Etho or Bdubs? Etho didn’t know if he hoped it was him or not. It was a stupid and horrible system, the whole phone call business.

The top of the mountain was even more amazing, especially at that time of the day. The city was far, but Etho could still see the lights sparkling. The forest around them was dark with the waning light, only the last rays of sun dipped over the horizon and lit up clouds of pink and purple. Etho couldn’t help but stand and watch as the light disappeared and plunged them into darkness. Pink clouds were quickly replaced by gray whisps, the moon taking the place of the sun.

“Damn, it’s beautiful up here at night.” Bdubs breathed out.

Etho had to agree. The day had been long and tumultuous, but looking at the billions of stars was worth the climb. The day was ending and they had little time left. He had never been in the woods at night, but now that he was, he was glad he had come.

“I didn’t even say bye to my roommate.” Etho admitted.

Bdubs turned to him curiously. “Why not?”

Etho shrugged. “I couldn’t. I don’t want his last thoughts about me to be me dying.”

Bdubs sighed. “I told my roommate and he kinda understood. I told him that I’d rather not spend it sitting in my room just waiting for it. I can’t do that. You didn’t tell your family?”

Another shrug. “Same reason. Maybe it’s bad, but I want them to remember the happy stuff, ya know?”

“That kinda makes sense.” Bdubs admitted. “I think mine would try to stop it. I mean, you can’t, but they would try. They wouldn’t just let me wait around for it. That’s why I went out today.”

Etho nodded. He could understand that. Waiting for death seemed like a personal hell. He’s heard stories of people trying to get out of death by staying in one place the whole day only for someone to break in or die of a heart attack. Some people choose how they go out and a suicide death is slapped on. He always wondered what those people thought right before they did it. What if that truly was how they were to die? If they just had someone come at the right time, could death be cheated? Or were they destined to simply die one day, death be damned how it happens.

There were only a few hours left in the day. He was getting tired as well. All the adventures had taken so much out of him. It wasn’t just the running around and non-stop trips, though he had to admit multiple of those were his idea. He was hungry, they had missed dinner after all. He hadn’t expected to end up on top of a mountain, but he also hadn’t expected to die today. Hungry, tired, and ready to die, Etho was feeling content with how things had turned out. He could stop stressing knowing there was nothing he could do, there was no stopping the inevitable.

“What would you do if today didn’t happen?”

Etho glanced over at Bdubs lying on the ground. “Good question. Probably be working on a computer. I wouldn’t have done the dishes. I don’t really do much, I usually end up causing trouble when I do.”

Bdubs grinned. “So graphic design is your passion?”

Etho threw a branch at Bdubs. “Shut up. What about you?”

Bdubs shrugged. “Dunno. I’m kinda the opposite. I really like to explore the city. I get inspiration from random stuff I see so I’d probably just take a walk somewhere. I’ve been into photography lately. I wouldn’t have spent it running around with you.

“I wouldn’t have spent it in a car with your bad driving.” Etho grinned.

“Hey!” Bdubs yelled. “My driving is impeccable. You can’t even drive."

“I don’t need to drive to know you’re the worst driver in the world.”

“Why I outta-”

Bdubs complaining was cut off by the sound of a phone ringing. Etho’s phone. He looked at the caller ID and nearly dropped it. He was only supposed to hear from Death once in his life. Bdubs caught a look at it the same moment Etho did and paled. Why were they calling again? They never called twice. At least, not that he’s heard of.

“Answer it.” Bdubs forced out. Etho didn’t want to. Can someone die twice? Is that even possible?

Etho slid to accept the call anyway and heard the preppy voice of Death. “Hello! Is this Etho Slab?”

“Yes.” Etho answered shakily.

“Thank goodness I caught you! There appears to have been a mixup in our system. Your name was replaced with someone else. This is a 1 in 7 trillion chance of this happening.”

Etho fell to his knees. All day, all damn day he had feared every step he took, every breath, and it turned out it was a lie? He was going to pass out. “Oh.”

“Yes, congratulations! You live another day. Funeral plans will be canceled immediately and optional therapy sessions will be available to you. Have a wonderful day!”

They hung up. They dropped that bomb and just hung up. Etho stared at Bdubs, looking equally as shocked. “I’m not gonna die.”

Seconds after, Bdubs phone buzzed in his pocket. The two stared, not giving into the thought of it being the same call. There was no way. It was impossible. “H- Hello?”

Etho stared at Bdubs. He couldn’t hear the conversation, but could only assume the same conversation was happening on the other end.

Bdubs nodded but remembered they couldn’t see him. “Yes.”

There was a beat of silence and Bdubs hung up. He’d heard everything he needed to. This wasn’t happening but it was. He sat on the ground trying to process this new information.

“We’re not gonna die.” He whispered, smiling at Etho. “Etho, we’re not gonna die!”

Etho fell onto his back and gazed at the sky. Bdubs’s shouts of excitement were background noise to the racing thoughts. How does he even move on from this? He has trauma now. Bdubs sat next to Etho. He was grinning like a madman. How was he so happy when the world had just been flipped. An hour. They would’ve had an hour left.

What had happened to the other two? There were two people out there who didn’t realize they were dying today. Had they already died? Were they dying? How did it happen? They weren’t even warned, they didn’t spend their last days how they wished. Etho felt guilt gnaw at him. It wasn’t his fault, though. He didn’t tell people about their death. This wasn’t on him. He tried to rationalize with himself but the thought that he was selfishly spending the day carelessly while others lived in ignorant demise ate at him.

“What do we even do now?” Etho asked.

Bdubs shrugged. “Go back to life. Just, ya know, be normal guys. Bros being dudes.”

Etho had fun with Bdubs today. Sure, they never would have met were it not for the mixup, or maybe they would. Maybe this was fate's weird way of bringing them together. Either way, he didn’t want to leave his new friend. He had more fun than he had in months all in one day. He didn’t want to go back to normal life. He couldn’t.

“You’ll have to give me your address and stuff, though. I wanna meet that cat of yours you mentioned.” It was like his mind was read.

Etho laughed. “Yeah, lemme take a week to recover from this, then we’ll talk.” God, he couldn’t wait to tell Beef about this.

#ethoslab #bdoubleo100 #hermitcraft fic #key writes

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funkymbtifiction · 2 years

Text

You hate them? congrats! you just found a clue to your enneagram type.

I'm exaggerating, yes, but ...

Charity, I remember when you were just starting to figure out your enneagram type, you made a post about disliking a Doctor Who character and then realizing that it's because you saw yourself in her, her behavior and fears and how it affected her decisions.

You just posted about Last Night in Soho and I cannot explain how much I HATED Eloise. I threw popcorn at my laptop screen - that's how much. Lo and behold, she's a 9w1 like me. And now thinking about it, most of the things I was critical of her character are things I dislike about myself and want to change.

It's also interesting seeing people who are similar to you, know why? gives you a glimpse to how people see you and break to how you perceive yourself.

That's all. You're great.

Hah. Yeah. There's often a sense of "ew, I hate it" when you see a character that exhibits the same things you find annoying about yourself. I think there's also a divide between characters who are DIFFERENT from you and what that says about your type. For example, withdrawn types universally annoy me in movies, because they COULD alleviate their own suffering by turning to others -- and they never do. Eloise lived a life of total solitude, wallowing and then drowning in her own angst about Sandie, without ever saying a word to anyone, and that is so anti-dependency type that it rubbed me the wrong way as a 6, because I kept saying, "Just talk to X about this, tell them you are having horrific flashback/nightmares. You really don't have to go through this alone. Someone else could give you a fresh perspective so you could figure it out from a less personal place." She was too deep into it to be objective about it.

As a higher Ne / head type, I would have immediately gone to the library and started researching the crap out of Sandie and Soho, or asked if I could read through old missing person's reports at the police station. I would have found out more about the suspicious guy at the pub by asking people things, and not directly confronted him (that was stupid). It took Eloise forever to start solving the mystery, since she was all up in her feelings instead, and she only assumed she had to solve it herself when the police thought she was nuts. I kept wondering, from a dependency stance, just when she was finally going to think this was her mystery to solve. ;)

From a 6 perspective, she didn't think about things enough, fast enough -- she came up with theories later than I would have, and she was not suspicious enough of everyone the way as a 6, I would have been. She didn't THINK enough. (Why am I having these nightmares? Can I trust that all that I am seeing is from a reliable witness? Is there anyone still living in Soho who could have known Sandie? Pubs are always hubs of activities, I should start asking questions there, and come up with a back story of some sort to explain why I am asking, like my grandma knew this woman briefly when she was in Soho...)

That being said, I thought the movie was a solid 9 out of 10. It kept me on the edge of my seat and guessing throughout. I really loved it and I can't wait to watch it a second time knowing the twist ending.

There's also characters you run into where you instantly feel a connection to them, because they do what you would do in their shoes -- and there's a rush of relieved fondness toward them. Usually it's directly linked to them sharing your Enneagram type. (Watching Underwater, the main character made all the same decisions I would have -- a fellow 6. "If I have to sacrifice myself for my friends, I will do it." Such loyalty and concern for the common good and also... fear.)

Part of learning to type yourself and others involves learning to identify the stances and what bugs you about the other two. As a 6, I find aggressive stance characters to be "too much" and too direct. They tend to rush forward without thinking. I find withdrawn stance characters to be too isolated. I "get" dependent stance character, since they move toward others the same way that I do. (Like Eloise's boyfriend repeatedly trying to make friends with her, or talk to her, and her rebuffing him but him not giving up easily -- that's a dependent stance moving toward her and being helpful. Probably a 2. And Matt Smith was playing an aggressive stance, 3 or 8.)

The deeper you dig into Enneagram types and the more you learn, the more things come to the surface to explain why XYZ behaviors and characters annoy the living hell out of you. But it's also fun to unpick things and go "ooooh, so THAT's why I hate them!"

#characters #enneagram

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kmorales1 · 3 years

Text

Office Affairs

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Rating: Explicit (Anyone under 18, go away, thanks.)

Warnings: Uh, unprotected sex(this is fiction please wrap it before you tap it), i'm bad at this. One(1) mention of spit(whoops).

A note: Hey, so I wrote this in an hour and (maybe) a half. This entire thing is purely based off my intense yearning for Javi the past few days(more like weeks). Also he's incredibly hard to write for so I hope I was able to capture his character. This is also my first time writing smut, let alone posting it. Be gentle with your critics lmao. It might not be entirely cohesive but I tried really hard but anyway this is what my brain popped out.

Javier Peña is the type of guy to take you home for a quick fuck, cuddle you like he’s in love with you, and then leave an hour later without barely a glance in your direction. You know this, you’d heard the whispers about him in the embassy when you were making your way to the filing room, or to the break room for your afternoon lunch.

And you believed them.

The first night Javier took you home you were 99% sure that you’d get the best fuck of your life out of him and then he’d be gone before you could even ask him to stay the night. And let’s be honest you wanted him to stay the night. To feel him pressed against you, his broad chest against your back, his breath fanning over the back of your neck. God, you yearned for that man. Or maybe just a man, it’d been a while.

You weren’t entirely wrong though, you did get the best fuck of your life out of him, but you also found the Javier that was sprawled in your bed, a lit cigarette between his lips, wasn’t the same man he was in the daylight of the office.

He was quieter, soft spoken, almost open.

The first few times he had stayed for a bit after to lay pressed beside you talking about work and you had even managed to pull a few details about his life back home. A few. But those few details only left you craving more, and who could blame you. He was intoxicating. You hadn’t been expecting it and now that you saw it, you wanted more.

“You know, you’re different like this.”

You had practically whispered the words to him, a little scared you might somehow push him back into the person he was in the light of day. But he only offered you something almost like a smile and leaned forward to press his lips to yours.

“I think, maybe i’m just different with you.”

He didn’t elaborate or say anything more, and you didn’t say anything in response. Cause what could you say? He’d pressed you open into the mattress a few minutes later his head between your thighs. Taking you apart slowly whispering filthy things as he brought you over the edge.

Your heart clenched as he laid his head on your thigh afterwards, his hair an unruly mess.

You wanted him like this all the time.

You weren’t naïve,though. So you didn’t think much of the way he laid beside you, or the things he said to you. He could feed any pretty woman words to make them feel special, and no matter how much you wanted to be different, something told you weren’t.

That became apparent when you started seeing less of Javier and hearing more about his informants and the other women he would bring home some nights. You weren’t mad, nor jealous, but you weren’t exactly fine either.

Coming home from a late night at work you had passed him and who you assumed was one of those said people that were whispered about. She was laughing at something, his arm locked tight around her waist guiding her down the hall. His face didn’t match hers but he certainly didn’t look unhappy, and when you crossed their path trying hurriedly to get into your apartment before seeing something you didn’t want to, he barely spared you a side glance.

Fine.

You stopped giving him the attention he silently would ask for in the daytime. His gaze burning hot on your body as you silently sipped your tea in the corner of the break room. Or the way he would brush your shoulder as he passed your desk. It’s almost laughable how he could seemingly seek your attention out one minute and then act like you didn’t exist the next. You didn’t play into it and things were fine.

Until they weren’t.

“You’re ignoring me, princesa.”

He’s got you cornered in the filing room his broad form practically towering over you. This is the closest you’ve been to him since you’d seen him that night, or the occasional time he would purposeful bump into you in the office.

“Hello Javi,” You barely managed to hold onto the papers in your hands. His close proximity to you slightly knocking you off center. You weren’t entirely lying when you said things were fine, but him being so close and the smell of him nearly overpowering was reminding you of the parts that were exactly not fine.

“I’m sorry i’ve been so busy.”

That’s a lie. You know it’s a lie, he knows it’s a lie. Things had been incredibly slow the past couple of weeks. Pablo in hiding from a recent raid that hit a little too close to home.

“I think we both know that’s a lie,”

And oh, is his voice a little breathier.

You curse yourself quietly, because you’re supposed to be putting this behind you. This man only sought you out when he felt like it when he was bored. But the way he’s pressed so close to you, if you just leaned forward a tiny bit. His eyes are skimming over your face, like he’s taking in the changes he’s missed in the past few weeks he hasn’t seen you.

There’s a tilt of his head and a small push forward and his lips are a near inch away from yours.

“Don’t you miss me, baby?”

Your knees nearly buckle.

He called you that exactly one time before. A rough raid with Carrillo had him stumbling into your apartment at nearly 1 am, luckily you had just gotten home from work and were still awake. His shirt was damp with sweat, the color of it slightly darker than the original pink, a stray mark of blood on his face- you later found out wasn’t his. He’d been needy, the way he had pressed you into the counter in your kitchen, fucked you within an inch of your life it felt like. Growling filthy things into your ear, praising you, before pulling you roughly to the floor(his back didn’t forgive him for days after that) and sliding you onto him. You’d rode him hard and fast nearly sobbing your release. He’d came up to cradle you to him. Whispering baby and your name reverently into your hair. You didn’t talk about it, what had made him so frantic. You had to practically peel yourself away from him and when you did it had broken the spell. He was up, fixing his jeans, kissing your forehead and then he was gone out the door before you could even get words out.

Javier whispering your name brings you back to the present, his eyes are locked on your lips and fuck-

Your fingers are dropping the papers and urgently sliding up his back to curl in his hair, pulling him the last bit of distance to bring his mouth to yours.

You’ll tell him later that you don’t forgive him for that debacle with the woman he brought home with him and you’ll also tell him the other things that have been pent up for the past almost month. And if he doesn’t like it oh well, but god right now all you want is to be fucked by this infuriating man.

“Javi-“

Your plea is broken as his tongue swipes the inside of your mouth his hands holding firmly to your hips.

“Javi please”

He shushes you, his leg coming to press between your thighs, right against where you want him the most and you nearly keen at the relief it gives. His thigh flexes and applies just the pressure to send your hips sliding forward.

“Quiet, princesa you don’t want anyone to hear,”

Oh fuck. You’re at work right now. You’re at work fuck. You’re at work. You remind yourself again.

One more time you’re at work-

But no one really comes back here. (that’s a lie)

His hands are guiding your hips roughly, and you’re practically riding his thigh. The feeling is too much and not enough all at once.

“Anything, Javi please.”

You’re breathless whimper has him growling under his breath as he pushes you deeper into the cabinets. His hands tear your skirt out of the way, pushing your panties aside before dipping his fingers into your center.

“Baby, fuck you’re so wet,”

His fingers leave you momentarily to slide into his mouth. The hum that leaves him is enough to push a wave of slick out of you, and you eagerly grip any part of him you can reach.

“Is this for me? You have missed me,”

The smug look on his face makes you want to roll your eyes, and you would if he wasn’t currently sliding his fingers back into you and curling them just like that-

“Fuck! Javi,”

The hand that is grasping your hips leaves to hurriedly slap a hand over your mouth. His eyes are burning into yours his teeth bared slightly.

“I said quiet, do you want our coworkers seeing how much a slut you are for me?”

He licks a line up the side of your neck before coming to suckle and bite lightly on your ear.

“Youd like it wouldn’t you?”

You’re practically dripping at his words, the squelching noise from his fingers fucking into you roughly is nearly obscene. You’re so close you could cry, if he could just give a little more.

“More,”

It’s a desperate plea for anything and it’s slightly muffled by his hand but he gets the message. His hand drops and you’re caught off guard by him roughly undoing his belt and pushing his pants down enough for his cock to spring free.

You nearly moan at the sight, long and thick with precum gathering at the tip. Fuck it’s been so long you want to taste. But he’s got you shoved back up against the nearest filing cabinet, his hand back over your mouth as he nudges his cock against your clit.

You keen at the slight pressure it gives before you jerk at the feeling of him sliding into you fully his hips flush to yours.

“Fuck, hermosa,” his teeth are clenched tight the cords of his neck strained as he whispers praises into your ear.

"Baby you’re so tight, missed you.”

You don’t even have time to process the last part before he’s almost urgently pulling out to slam back in. You want to worry about the noises that are being made but just as the thought comes in it’s gone. He’s fucking into you hard, his hand still covering your mouth tightly, trying hard to mask the moans that are escaping you. The slight jingle of his belt buckle as he roughly pounds into you shouldn’t be as erotic as it is. His head is pressed to your shoulder and you can feel the air from his mouth as he pants.

You’re so close you can practically feel yourself dripping down your thighs. One of your hands is curled tightly in his hair and the other snakes down your body to rub between your clit. Your breath is coming out harsh from your nose meeting the warm skin of his hand and god the thought of his hand over your mouth as he fucks you is so much you think you might come now.

But then his hand slips away and he’s sliding it in your hair to tilt your head back. Baring his teeth he gives one particularly hard thrust before demanding.

“Open.”

Immediately your mouth snaps open and he spits.

"Fucking swallow it."

You do, quickly before you lift eagerly to meet his mouth, teeth clinking harshly.

“Javi i’m gonna come-“

He’s pulling back, whispering urgently in your ear .

"Do it baby, do it now. Cum for me."

You’re pushing to meet his thrusts hurriedly chasing the orgasm you feel tightening in your stomach.

“I said now,” The harshness in his voice sends you reeling. You keen, a little too loudly to be in your office building, the thread snapping as you tumble over the edge. Your cunt clenching hard around him. Somewhere through the haze you feel Javier bite roughly into your shoulder and his cock jerk inside of you as he cums.

His hands are sliding around you to pull you into him his face meeting your neck as he pants, his cock softening inside of you. There’s a pleasant sounding hum from him as you card your fingers through his hair your nails scratching lazily at his scalp. The room is humid and sticky you suddenly come back to yourself, sinking down from your post orgasm high.

“Javier,”

The change in your voice has him pulling back to look at you before his eyes widen in understanding.

Yes, basking in the after sex glow isn’t the best idea at the moment.

“We can talk after work okay?”

There’s a nod from him before he’s sliding out of you with a hiss and tucking himself back into his jeans. And there’s a lot to talk about, he isn’t off the hook, and you’ve got to think it over because you know you have technically no right to even be upset.

You’re adjusting your skirt when you feel him cup your cheek.

“I really did miss you.”

Its said quietly, almost like it’s a secret.

And momentarily, you forget everything you need to be confused about with him.

"I missed you too."

#javier peña x reader #javier peña x f!reader #javier peña x you #narcos fanfiction #narcos #javier peña smut #javier peña imagine #i literally wrote this while eating cinnamon toast crunch out the box lmfaoo #just a girl her laptop and a box of cereal #feedback is appreciated mwuah

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airis-paris14 · 3 years

Text

See You Again

A/N: Just something short I never posted. It probably sucks, but I thought I'd share anyway. WE OUTSIDE YALL. (Please be outside RESPONSIBLY. COVID is still a thing. Please get vaccinated and or wear a mask.) Love Y'all.

Masterlist

“My King,” Okoye called, handing T’Challa a bag he forgot. “Next week.”

“ I know Okoye. I promise I will be ready to leave.” Okoye nodded before reboarding the jet. The king watched before beginning the short walk up to his friend's front door.

He rang the doorbell before staring up at the building. It’d been years since he’d last been in this apartment. Freshman year of college to be exact. Anaya’s parents had invited him to spend Thanksgiving with them after finding him and their daughter studying together on a surprise visit to their daughter's dorm. They weren’t in the room, lucky for them, but it seemed that her parents were invested in a dream that wouldn’t come true. Not that either of them was ready to admit they couldn’t be together either. At least that early on.

So much has changed since then. They graduated. Got two Ph. Ds respectively and then moved on. Anaya became a celebrated fashion historian and critic, and T’Challa a king. Halfway across the world, they’d reconnected by chance in Paris and hadn’t let go since. Somewhere T’Challa had been holding on to a silly notion that maybe he and Anaya could give being together another go, but he knew it was a fruitless endeavor.

Same as his ringing of the doorbell had been. Worried, the king began knocking on the door. “Quit your racket! She’s not here!” An elderly woman crooned from her front porch. “Pardon?”

“She ain’t here! The baby called.” The woman chuckled to herself, “Ran outta here like a firecracker. Her two friends following close behind.”

“She was pregnant?”

“Don’t know how you missed it sonny, big as a blimp, carrying high though. My bets on a girl you know,” she paused to size up the young king. “And you must be that no good bastard baby’s father. Walking out on her like that you know I should-!”

“Ma’am, I promise you I am not him. As much as I wish I could have been,” the king mumbled the last part.

“Well then now’s your chance son. The real father ain’t here, and I hate to see that child grow up without a father figure. What’s keeping you from claiming that child?”

“A lot more than you’ll ever know..” T’Challa looked up, despair written across his face. The woman's gaze softened. “You’ll never know till you try. At least go and see her. I mean you came to her house. All dressed up with flowers and a bag of gifts. You must really care for her.”

“I do.”

“She’s at the university hospital.” The old woman instructed. “Thank you,” the king nodded. “Anything to see her happy, ever since her parents died she’s been sitting up in that house all alone. Make it right.”

Two hours and four phone calls later, T’Challa pulled up to the hospital in his hired car. The driver opened the back door of the SUV to allow the king and his baby present out into the air. He nodded at the driver before making his way up to the reception desk. “Hi, how may I help you?” The woman looked up from her computer. “You must be looking for our maternity ward. This your first?” She nodded at the gifts. “You could say that,” T’Challa chuckled.

“May I have your name and the patient’s?”

“T’Challa, and Anaya Johnson.”

“Great, Ms. Johnson is in room 408 in the maternity wing. Go down the hall, on the left, there will be an elevator. Take that up to the fourth floor, make a right and it should be the fourth door down. You can’t miss it.”

“Thank you,” the king smiled hoisting up the big teddy bear, careful not to crush the flowers and various other bags. “Would you like an escort Mr. T’Challa?”

“I believe I can handle this one,” The king insisted. “Very well, and congratulations.”

The king frowned. “Thank you.”

Four floors up, and three doors down, T’Challa finally stood outside of room 408. He took several steadying breaths before knocking. “Who is it? A familiar voice called. He heard footsteps on the other side of the door before it carefully creaked open.

“T’Challa?”

The king smiled in surprise. “Tella? Hi.”

“Hey, what are you doing here?” The brown skin woman beamed, opening up the door, her eyes widening slightly as she saw all of the gifts.”She said she hadn’t heard from you in months.”

“Yeah, I was on my way to visit Anaya and her neighbor told me she was here, having a baby.”

“Yeah, um come in. She and Jean went for a walk, the doctor said it would help with contractions.” Tella grabbed the bear from T’Challa and moved to set it in a corner, while he found space to set down his other gifts. “So how’ve you been? We used to get status updates from Anaya for you. Then you just vanished.”

“Well, there is a lot I haven’t told you all. Wakanda is a monarchy, and my father, and his father, and his father, and his mother, and her father, and his mother, and so on, have all ruled our country. Now it is my turn.”

“To rule?”

“To rule.” The king nodded. “So you vanished because you became king?”

“I vanished because there was a coup, an attempt on my life, which was almost successful. The coup sent my country into a civil war,” The king explained.

“T’Challa, this doesn’t even sound real,” Tella interrupted. “I mean, how is anyone supposed to believe you?”

“May I see your phone?” T’Challa stopped her.

“T’Challa,”

“Just let me prove it to you. I did not ghost Anaya by choice. I still want to be with her.”

“After all this time-”

“Please, I know it seems implausible, but let me show you,” the king reached out a hand.

“Fine T’Challa-” Tella handed over her phone. “Ask siri,” the king instructed.

“Seriously?” Tella frowned. “Just ask her.”

“Siri, who is the king of Wakanda?”

Her phone glowed before responding, “T’Challa Udaku was crowned King of Wakanda after the passing of his father last summer during a United Nations Assembly. I found this article online from the New York Times and several other sources.”

“T’challa if this is true, I mean since this is true, the prospects of you and Anaya getting together is now even more impossible. Why are you here?”

“Because she is my friend, and I love her. She is having a baby, and I will support her.”

“You are not its father!”

“Don’t you think I know that? Do you know how much it hurts me to know that I’m not? That I may never be the father of any of her children.”

“This isn’t about you T.”

“I know, but the child’s father is not here. I am. Even if he was, I still would be, because she is my friend too Tella.”

“I just do not want to see her hurt. Don’t give her false hope T’Challa.”

“On the contrary, I believe it is she who gives me false hope,” the king sighed. Tella pulled him in for a hug. “Just give it time, and who knows, you’re a king now aren’t you?”

“That I am,” T’Challa nodded as the room’s door squeaked open. A nurse helped Anaya back into the room and T'Challa couldn’t help the way his eyes widened at Anaya’s pregnant form. His heart erupted in butterflies, imagining if that had been his child. Tella slapping his arm startled him back to reality. Tella jerked her head towards where the nurse was trying to help Anaya and maneuver the IV stand back into the room with her. T’Challa hurried over to wrap an arm around Anaya’s waist and grab her other hand. The nurse smiled in thanks and surprise. No surprise could top Anaya’s expression. She gaped as T’Challa shot her a smile. “Long time no see,” The king teased as he helped her further into the room and onto her bed. A grimace stole her smile as another contraction hit.

“I’ll grab Dr.Ben and she’ll be right in to check on your progress, Ms. Johnson.” The middle-aged black woman smiled at the expecting mother. “Thank you,” Anaya smiled before turning back to her best friend. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to surprise you, only to find out from your neighbor that you were in labor,” The king smiled.

“Mrs. Patterson told you where I was?”

“I guess so,” the king frowned. Anaya and Tella laughed. “What did you do to her? Mrs. Patterson doesn’t like anyone. Especially men.” Tella explained.

“She did almost try to beat me up when she thought I was your ‘bastard baby’s father’.” T’Challa told the two women who groaned. Anaya grimaced her way through a contraction and T’Challa stepped over and offered her his hand. The mother smiled at his touch and threaded her fingers through his as the contraction dissipated.

“I’m gonna go find Jean in the gift shop,” Tella excused herself, leaving T’Challa and Anaya alone. “What’s been going on with you King T’Challa,” Anaya teased as she tried to push herself into a seated position.

“Nothing much. The world of politics cooled off for a while and I wanted to apologize for being awol these past months.” T’Challa helped rearrange the pillows so she could sit up. “What about you soon to be umama?”

“Well, this has been my life pretty much, still don’t know how I’m going to manage working at museums and shows towing this one around.”

“Where’s the father?” T’Challa asked softly. A tear formed in Anaya’s eye, “He doesn’t want to be involved. We were drunk that night and you know…..”

“You don’t have to explain,” T’Challa squeezed her hand. “Thanks,” she murmured. “What are you having?” The king inquired, sweeping some box braids back over her shoulder. “I don’t know. I wanted to be surprised.”

“Your neighbor thinks it’s a girl,” T’Challa laughed. “She’s been telling me about me carrying high since it became visible I was pregnant.” Anaya laughed. “I guess we’ll find out today or tomorrow.” T’Challa chuckled. His face quickly fell as she slipped into another contraction. He tried to help her breathe the way he’d seen on television but ended up making her laugh. “You’re really bad at this,” Anaya reclined back onto her pillows rubbing her stomach absentmindedly. “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” T’Challa smiled. “It’s two quick ones and long out. Not in out in out,” Anaya explained. “I’ll do better next time,” T’Challa promised.

“How long are you visiting, you don’t have to stay. It could be another day or so before I give birth.”

“I’m here for the week, until next Tuesday. And Anaya I want to stay. Besides, I can give Tells and Tonya-Jean a break to walk around.”

“Thanks,” the pregnant mother smiled. Her face contorted as another contraction washed over her. “There you go,” T’Challa soothed as she squeezed his hand. He helped her breathe through and eventually, she settled back. “At this rate, it’ll only be a couple of hours until they’re here with us,” the mom to be sighed. “Then I’ll be here as long as you’ll let me be here,” T’Challa kissed the back of her hand. Sweat had gathered on her forehead and he reached for something to dab it away. “I want you here as long as you can be, distract me.”

“Why? You are not enjoying the miracle of life.”

“Says the man not currently pushing a baby out of his body.”

“Fair enough,” he raised his unoccupied arm in surrender. “Tell me about Wakanda and being a king,” Anaya asked, groaning through another contraction.

“Well,” T’Challa started.

Eight hours later, the room was silent. Tonya and Tells had gone home to catch up on sleep. Anaya was sleeping off her exhaustion and the king of Wakanda sat rocking a sleeping baby girl. Well, she was sleeping. Sydney Iesha Johnson’s big brown eyes fluttered open and stared at the man holding her. She stretched out her tiny body and T’Challa’s heart soared at the feeling of her moving around in the swaddle.

“Hi pretty girl,” he whispered. “Hi,” he cooed, smiling as she yawned. “You are so beautiful, just like your mommy. She was the most beautiful girl in the world and now she’s tied with you.” He rocked the infant softly. “T’Challa?” Anaya croaked. “Hey,” the king stood up and walked the baby over to her mother. “She was fussy in the crib, and the nurse suggested I hold her, I hope you don’t mind,” he rambled. Anaya laid a hand on his arm and shook her head. “It’s fine. I love seeing you with her.

“You know I’m here for you right? Both of you now,” the king searched her eyes. “I know I’m not her father, and I’ll never try to be that for her, but she’s a part of you and that makes her important to me.”

Anaya teared up and nodded.

“I want you to move to Wakanda.”

Taglist: @almostpurelysmut @blackbypurpose @tchoking @sisterwifeudaku @wikiwakanda @royallyprincesslilly @90sinspiredgirl @thedelightfulone @autumn242 @purple-apricots @kumkaniudaku @queertrex @kaciidubs @halfrican-heat @skysynclair19 @dramaqueenamby @leahnicole1219 @kreolemami @mzbritt @derangedcupcake @chaneajoyyy @lalapalooza718 @ororowrites @leahnicole1219 @sarcastic-sunshines @sarahboseman @faatassbitch @lady-love-and-glitter-roses @cxnismajcr @tchallasbabymama

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andreafmn · 3 years

Text

I’m Not Afraid - Chapter 2

Word Count: 4,585

Characters: Female Reader Argent Character, Original Male Argent Character, Derek Hale, Allison Argent, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Isaac Lahey, Lydia Martin, Chris Argent, Jackson Whittemore

Story Description: (Y/N) Argent arrived at Beacon Hills to put to rest her father’s sister, Kate Argent. For the first time, her family has decided to settle down and sustain a life in this interesting small town. After 17 years, (Y/N) has the opportunity to establish interpersonal relationships but will she be ready to face the complications that come with relating to her cousin’s, Allison, friends; especially, the infamous Derek Hale. She will face the adventure of being associated with the Derek and McCall pack as well as being faced with the discovery of certain aspects of her life she never imagined.

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Teen Wolf, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and MTV Network. The only thing I own is Argent Reader insert, her immediate family, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ storyline.

Chapter: 2/?

A/N: SOFT DEREK, SOFT DEREK!!!!! If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

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Chapter 2

5:00 am my phone read.

It was usual for my brain to be awake at this hour. Since before I can remember it was part of the schedule I followed, everywhere I went. It was a small thing, but the sense of normalcy was a comforting friend. It made sense to follow a routine I could have anywhere. I was out of bed and into workout clothes, ready for a quick jog around the woods.

I started off with a slow and comfortable trot before speeding up once I reached the tree-filled terrain. The smell of wet soil, the sound of birds chirping and leaves rustling, the crunching of leaves under my feet was oddly comforting. There was a strange pull that came from the heart of Beacon Hills. I had lived in many places in my short lifetime but this place was different, the atmosphere was different, the people were different. One of those people was Derek Hale, the mysterious, broody, sarcastic man that had bumped his way in.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"Why are you stopping?" He asked, a small chuckle escaping his mouth.

"How did you get here? Where the hell did you come from?"

"You're not the only person who jogs in this town and this happens to be the trail I take. You know, you should work out on a trail that is closer to your house. Makes it easier to actually go back."

I looked around. Once again, I had trailed off and didn't know where I was. "Lucky for you, I have a great memory. We can finish off running and I'll instruct you back to your house."

"You know you sound like a stalker." We started to jog once again.

"How so?"

"Well, you've only been there like two or three times and you already know the way back. Creepy!"

"Oh, come on, it means that I have a very sharp memory. Unlike you who can't seem to remember what house you live in."

"Touché."

The con and occasionally laughing at something. It felt good talking to him, almost natural. There was a supernatural attraction that I felt when I was near him, an unusual need for his closeness. Our relationship came easy, as the cliché would have it, it felt like I had known him all my life.

We ran for about an hour and a half before we turned back. "I think it's time we went back. You have school in an hour."

"Whoa, take the stalking down a notch."

"Oh, come on, I went to that school before you, I think I know the schedule."

"Alright, grandpa. Let's head back. It's time for your breakfast smoothie and then some bingo."

"Very funny." He ruffled my hair whilst fake laughing.

"I try." We ran and ran until I came into view of the curb that led to the house. "Well, this is my exit. Would it be too much to ask for you to take me to school?"

"Not a problem. Meet you back here at 7:45?"

"That would be perfect." He kissed my cheek and left to run to where I believe was his house. My face turned red, and I ducked inside.

"Mom? Dad?" I entered the kitchen and noticed a note over a covered plate. "Left for work early. Eat your food and go to school." I read out loud.

I took my time getting ready for school. My bag was already packed, as was my lunch. A long shower and a slow breakfast were in store as I awaited Derek's black Camaro to roll into my driveway.

"Thanks so much for the lift. I packed you some breakfast."

"No problem and thank you." He smiled. "You know, maybe after school, I can finally give you a tour around town. So you can familiarize yourself."

"That would be wonderful." I checked my schedule. "Actually, you can pick me up an hour before school ends. I have study hall at that hour, and no one would care if I left."

"I think I can make that arrangement." He looked at me showing a perfect set of white teeth and a smile that would make anyone melt. "But wouldn't your parents know that you left school? I mean, you won't be there when they go pick you up."

"I'll just tell them Allison gave me a ride or walked home," I said thinking of more excuses I could tell my parents. Distracted by my thoughts, my hand started reaching out to the powered-off radio and I didn't notice that so did Derek's. A sharp current went up my arm as our hands make contact. We both quickly pulled away and I could feel the blood rushing to my face turning it a deep shade of red.

"Sorry, I shouldn't impose. It's your car." I spoke up, quick to start picking at the skin around my fingernails to busy my hands. Derek perceived the nervous nature of my actions and stopped my fussing by putting one of his hands over mine.

"Don't worry it's fine. Just put the radio on whatever station you like." He smiled reassuringly and I reached to the radio and just turned it on, leaving it in the last station it had been on.

"Ugh, I absolutely dread going to school. Most of it I'm gonna forget either way."

"I'd tell you to ditch but that would be shame on me, so I won't. But think about it, this day you'll only get 7 hours of school and then you can hang out with me. Best present ever."

"Yeah, don't think so highly of yourself. Maybe I'll just wander around town until I find my way home."

"Very funny." He stopped at the drop-off zone. "This is your stop."

"Thanks again for the ride, awfully kind actions from such a sour wolf" I laughed at his scowl. "I'll see you in the afternoon."

"Looking forward to it." I exited the car and he waited till I was on the sidewalk to speed off.

"Was that Derek Hale that just dropped you off?" I turned around and was met face-to-face with Scott.

"Yeah. What's the problem?" Not that it will matter.

"You shouldn't trust him, he's bad news."

"Honestly, Scott, I understand your good intentions, but I'll sort out the wrong kind on my own terms." He looked taken aback at my response, probably thinking I would not talk back.

"I'm sorry if I offended you, but he is not a person that anyone should be with." With that, he left with worry evident on his face.

I understood that he was looking out for my "well-being”, but he didn't know me and I'm pretty sure he didn't know Derek either. Maybe that's what Derek meant when I met him. Everyone thinks he is a bad person, but he hasn't done anything wrong in my eyes.

I walked over to my locker and started exchanging my books. Closely next to me I could hear Scott talking to Allison about me and Derek, and my name should be out of his mouth. Once I finished with my locker, I slammed the door and they both stopped talking, noting my close presence. I walked past them feeling their worried stares burning my back. This was going to be a hell of a year. The only thing that could get me through it was the acquaintance relationship I have with Isaac. I did text him a bit last night but mostly helping him with homework. Lord knows he needs all the help he can get.

We all stood around in gym class as Stiles and Erica climbed the rock wall. Everyone else had gone including Scott who mastered a great fall. Stiles appeared to have fun, but Erica would let out sounds of discomfort and shortness of breath as she climbed. At a point, she stopped.

"Erica, are you dizzy?" Coach said. "Is it vertigo?"

"Vertigo is the dysfunction of the vesicular system of the inner ear" Lydia stated in a mocking tone. "She's just freaking out."

"Erica!" Coach screamed.

"coach, maybe it’s not safe. you know she's epileptic." Allison stated. How does no one care?

"Wh-why does no one tell me this?!" Coach Finstock questioned annoyed. "Erica, just fall back, there's a mat that will catch you."

She slowly let go of the wall and made her descent. No one seemed to care that the poor girl was shaken to the core; they all laughed.

When class was over everyone headed to their respective locker rooms to change. Something inside me kept pulling me back to the gym, so I walked back as I put on my shirt. As I opened the doors, I saw Erica fall from the wall and luckily into Scott's arms. He slowly put her on the floor as the class ran in behind us.

"Put her on her side," I stated.

"How did you know?" Allison whispered to Scott.

"I just felt it." He whispered back.

After Erica had calmed, the coach called an ambulance to take her to be checked at the hospital and the day went by normally. I was currently in my "last" period. Tapping my nails in a rhythmic pattern waiting for the stupid bell to ring. Only 5 more minutes and I would be out of here. This was the first time I had done something like this. I always stick by the rules and make sure to follow all of them. My heart was racing, and my palms were sweating. In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Cue the bell. I grabbed all my things and stuffed them in my bag. I used to my advantage the fact that everyone was piled in the hallway and headed outside. Waiting for me was Derek in his black Camaro. Suddenly my heart steadied its pace and I felt relaxed.

"Hey there, rebel." He smirked at me as I entered the car and buckled my seatbelt.

"Don't make small talk. Just go." I said whilst trying to hide by burrowing in the seat. If I could I would have jumped into the trunk to avoid any hidden stares from authority figures.

"Don't tell me you've never done this before." I shook my head no and felt my face growing warmer by the second. "Aw, you're so innocent. For a big mouth that is." I slapped his arm as hard as I could.

"Don't be rude." I crossed my arms, slouched down, and pouted. He looked over at me and laughed. That made me slouch farther down.

"Oh, come on. Don't get mad." He ruffled my hair and laughed once again when I swatted his hand away. "Yeesh, feisty."

"So, where's our first pit stop?" I asked whilst looking out the window not wanting to look at his face.

"A small diner I know. Wouldn't want you to starve." He smirked. "Might make you angrier."

"I am not angry, just annoyed."

"Got some feelings hurt?" He said laughing.

"Derek, don't be rude. You will regret it."

"Oh, what could you do?"

"Is that a challenge?" He didn't answer, just laughed. I rolled down the window and stuck my head out. "HELP!! This man is kidnapping me!! HELP!! Bloody he...!"

My sentence was cut short by Derek's hand pulling me down by my jacket and onto the seat again.

"Why did you do that?" I asked innocently. I had caused the faces of a few people on the street to look at the car in horror.

"You know why! That was totally uncalled for."

"I told you that being rude was something you would regret. I'm not one to say this a lot but, I told you so."

He tried his best to keep a tight scowl on his face but in a matter of seconds, we were laughing at my past actions.

"Whatever, we're here." He turned off the car and went to the passenger side to open the door for me.

"Why thank you," I said and took his extended hand to pull my weight up.

"No problem." I smiled at his goofy courtesy but as we walked inside the establishment I could feel my heart beating faster by the second. "Table for two." Derek pointed at a booth made for two people exactly. Once we had sat down a lady maybe in her late thirties approached us to take our order.

"What do you want to order today, darlings?" She gave us a warm smile as she waited for our response.

"I'll have the bacon cheeseburger with some onion rings, a stack of pancakes, and some chicken fillets, a Diet Coke, and afterward some pie, please."

"Would you like the kitchen sink with that?" I said in shock. "I think I'll just get the, ummmm, bacon cheeseburger also with some onion rings and an iced tea. Maybe add some pie afterward too."

The lady laughed a bit, nodded, and smiled at us as she turned to the kitchen to put out our order.

"So, someone's a bit hungry. Huh, sour wolf?" I chuckled.

"Why do you call me that?" He said somewhat annoyed.

"I don't know. It just fits you."

"How?"

"Cause you're very sour and you kind of look like a wolf. Hairy face and crazy hair. I don't know how to explain it. It's just a nickname, though. If it makes you mad I can just call you something else."

"I'm not mad. Just wondering." He slouched on the seat looking less tense. "How is it that I'm usually so bad with meeting people yet with you, I just clicked?"

"I don't know. I'm just special that way."

"Very funny."

"I know! I could take up a career in comedy." He chuckled as he threw a sugar packet at me. "So, since we are getting to know each other we should know basic things about one another. Let me start. What's your favorite color?"

"Maybe black or blue. What about you?"

"Totally red and black." The waitress came with our drinks. I took a sip of my iced tea and continued with the questions. "Favorite place to be?"

"That house in the woods where we met." I gave him a weird look.

"Why there? It barely stands with a foundation. What could possibly be there?"

"It's the house I used to live in before it burnt down. My family was in there." I choked on my drink when he said this.

"Oh my gosh, Derek. I'm so sorry I brought it up. We can drop the topic."

"Don't worry about it. It happened such a long time ago it's sometimes relieving talking about it." After there was an awkward silence, so Derek cleared his throat and asked a question. "Um, and what's your favorite place to be?"

"I'm not sure. Usually, I like places more because of the people I'm with. But if I had to choose probably the woods, it's the calmest place I know. The only place where you can actually be free."

"Wow, Ms. Argent. So poetic. It touched me." He pointed at his heart. "Right here."

"Very funny, now, favorite sport?" And the game went on even when our food served. Whilst eating we kept asking each other questions and getting to know each other profoundly. This has been the first time I had ever opened up to someone. It felt strange. Letting someone know small details about yourself. Making yourself vulnerable to them. Showing them how they could break you. But this was different. I felt like I was just becoming closer to him.

"We should do that someday. I mean the thought of just leaving for a whole day, not knowing where you are going, just finding an adventure."

"Definitely. You decide when the first time." I smiled at him.

"That's a deal." He looked down at his watch. "I think it's time I take you home. Don't want your parents to worry."

"Alright. Let's go." I grabbed my bag and was about to pay my part of the check, but he wouldn't let me. He grabbed the money I left and paid completely. "I don't understand the need of being such a gentleman if this wasn't a date. Just two people hanging out."

"So, this wasn't a date?"

"You thought it was?" I thought about it. "What do you classify a date per se?"

"An outing in which two people go out and get to know each other a little bit more." What he said made sense. It had never dawned on me that this could have been anything other than just a casual outing, but not being too well versed in normal social encounters, let alone dating encounters.

"Alright, you win. I have officially gone on my first date."

"No way. This could not have been your first date." When he saw the serious look on my face, he stopped chuckling. "I'm so sorry you had to have given you such a crappy first date. I promise I'll make up for it one day."

"Deal." We even shook on it. "Now let's get going before my parents know I'm late."

During the drive back, he pointed out different key places I should know when going around Beacon Hills as well as easier routes to these places. Although I was heavily grateful for all the useful tips, my brain could hardly remember the first route he showed me.

When we got to my house, I noticed that my father's car was not in there. I guess they haven't arrived yet. I said goodbye to Derek and entered the house, thanking him for a lovely afternoon. I changed into workout attire and, deciding to stay home, went to the basement and started working out. After half an hour of running and half an hour of physical training, I decided it was enough and went to take a shower. I noticed that my parents weren't home yet.

"I wonder what's holding them back?" After my shower, I continued my current read of Pride and Prejudice. But something was bothering me, a thought that wouldn't leave my head.

I'm leaving once the year is over. Getting close to Derek will fuck me up once I leave. I've never had to say goodbye to anyone. I can't start now. I'll need to start avoiding him. Don't know how, but I must try.

I went downstairs to get a glass of water when I heard a knock on the door. It was Uncle Chris.

"Hey, Uncle Chris. What are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for your father. Is he here?"

"No, I haven't seen him. I got here and neither mom nor dad was here. Is something wrong?"

"No. Just couldn't reach his cell. I'm sure he's fine. Have a good night, sweetheart." He kissed my forehead and left. I started to worry. What if something had happened?

So, I decided to call him. Fortunately, he picked up.

"Dad, where are you?"

"Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you. Your mom and I will be out for the rest of the week. We left some money on the first drawer of the right side of the kitchen island and if you want you can stay with your uncle."

"But Uncle Chris came by and he didn't know where you were. Does he know you left?"

"Oh, I forgot to call him. I'll do that right now. Goodnight, munchkin, go to sleep."

"Goodnight, dad. Love you."

"Love you too." I hung up the phone and went upstairs completely forgetting about the glass of water I went to drink.

My phone buzzed and I looked at the caller ID signaling that Isaac was calling.

"Hey, Isaac."

"Hey, (Y/N). Um, do you think you can pick me up?" Isaac said in between short pants.

"Sure, where are you?" I asked. He told me where he was, and I took the keys to my mother's car to look for Isaac. He looked scared and frantic when I neared the spot, he told me about. His physique also looked different. Usually, he would walk cowering but now he stood tall and seemed a bit more buff. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just, um, do you think I could stay with you tonight?"

"I guess." I started driving to my house. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, totally. Just tired." I took the hint. He didn't want to talk, and I wasn't going to press on.

At my house, I arranged the guest room and got him spare clothes to change into. He thanked me and left for the bathroom. Something was wrong. But what?

***

Three days had passed.

Three days that I had stayed in my house for my daily workout.

Three days that my phone had been buzzing with messages from Derek asking where I was.

Because three nights before I had decided to avoid Derek at all costs.

The only way to leave it all behind is if you don't associate yourself with anyone. That way you won't feel any remorse or pain once you disappear. One time when I left was when I was approximately six or seven years old, and I had to say goodbye to Allison since we were sharing a room at that time. The second time was when I had to leave Josie. After that, I started familiarizing myself with the feeling of loneliness. It wasn't that bad once you remembered the fact that you would always see your parents when you got home, and everything would be better. Although, these days I had housed Isaac in my house, rare was the occasion that we interacted other than doing homework. Isaac would come home late in the night and quickly went to sleep. But, he stayed in my spare room for two nights and told me he had found a place to stay. He left thanking me for my hospitality.

When I finished my workout, I ran upstairs and took a shower. I changed from my stinky workout clothes to a plain white shirt and black jeans, obviously paired with my leather jacket. Once dressed I went downstairs and grabbed some cash to buy myself a muffin and a big coffee. Finally, I found the keys to my beautiful matte black Harley Fat Bob. My father had gotten me this motorcycle about two years back when he noticed I just kept crashing cars. The only thing I never crashed was his motorcycle and because he was worried I would, he bought me my own. I tend to wreck a lot of stuff. It's not intentional, I'm just clumsy at times.

I opened the door to the garage and noticed it sitting in a corner covered by a blanket. Once I took it off, I smiled. I passed my hand over the beautiful color, the smooth surface, the cold metal. It all felt familiar. A part of me. I grabbed my helmet and got on it. Once I sat my body felt relaxed, at ease. A spark of adrenaline was shot through my body when the engine came to life.

I backed up from the garage and went to the local café store. While waiting to pick up my order I noticed Derek walking in with his jogging clothes on. He still hasn't noticed me, too busy looking at the menu. When my name was called, he looked at me and called my name, but I ran out of the café with my order ignoring him.

When I got to the school everyone was staring at me. The new chick was now badass. I walked in with my backpack slung over my shoulder easing towards my locker.

"Hey there, gorgeous." I closed the locker door to see Jackson standing next to me. I rolled my eyes.

"Hi, Jackson. What do you want?"

"I was just wondering when you were free."

"Oh, well from tomorrow to never gonna happen. Get down from the cloud, buddy."

"Oh, come on, we both know you want some of this." He motioned over his body.

"Get over yourself." I scoffed.

"Babe, it doesn't hurt to try."

"I believe she's not interested, Jackson." A strawberry blonde girl appeared. Her confidence struck me like lightning, a very apparent aura of dominance radiating from within her.

"Why don't you mind your own business, Lydia. I'm talking to her, not you. You've already ruined everything else."

"Well, I think she has no business with you so why don't you scram?" With a huff and a puff, Jackson finally gave in and I turned to greet my hero, who was surprisingly accompanied by Allison.

"Thank you, so much. He wouldn't take no for an answer."

"No problem. I'm Lydia, but you knew that."

"(Y/N). Argent." She motioned between Allison and me. "Cousins."

"Pleasure." Then the bell rang. "Guess I have a new best friend, (Y/N)." You guessed wrong.

I entered Mr. Harris' classroom and sat down next to Isaac and as usual Mr. Chatty Pants tried to hold a conversation from the table behind us. Seriously, how much can someone talk? I took out my notebook and started writing down everything the teacher was saying is the homework on the board. Stiles had finally gotten the hint and didn't talk to me the whole class. That was a relief. Maybe it was due to the fact he was too focused on the strawberry blonde who had saved my ass from Jackson.

The day went on quite smoothly except at lunch. It wasn't the same Erica that had fallen from the rock-climbing wall. She completely changed; a more confident walk, she was wearing makeup and tight-fitted clothing, and her hair was perfectly styled. She left the lunchroom after taking a bite off an apple seductively and Scott and Stiles followed, as did I. Curiosity had taken the best of me as to this overnight transformation.

She opened the front doors to the school and there he was. Derek Hale in his black Camaro with the biggest smirk on his face staring at Scott. When he directed his sight to me his smirk kind of fell but was brought up quickly. During that Erica had gotten inside the car and they left, together. I don't know why I was jealous because he meant nothing to me, but it broke my heart. I got nervous. I think Scott noticed because he looked at me worried.

"Are you okay, (Y/N)?" I nodded rapidly and out of breath. I had no idea what was happening.

"I think you're having a panic attack." Stiles pointed out handing me an inhaler.

"I used to have panic attacks, too." I inhaled a pump and my breathing seemed to normalize. "You okay now?"

"Yeah. Thanks." I handed him the inhaler.

"No, keep it. I don't need it anymore." I said a low thanks and walked back to school to head to my next class.

I felt extremely weird the rest of the day. Why did I feel that way when I saw Erica and Derek together? It wasn't like anything was going on between us. Also, he's far too old for me. Or maybe I'm too young. I don't know. But I couldn't shake off that sour taste of jealousy that the image of them left.

I knew I wanted to stay as far away as I could from hin but at this moment there was nothing more that I wanted than to be close to him.

Tag: @lokisgoddesofpower

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A/N: Please check out my last post about the fandoms I’ll be writing for.

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wagner-fell · 3 years

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I am still very new to this website and I don’t know how link a post but this fic is based on a post by @sandersgrey

(If someone reading this knows how to link a post please either explain it to me or link it in the comments because that post is *amazing*)

“Hmmm,” said Tessa, depositing Mina into Kit’s waiting arms and examining her buzzing phone critically. She shot a quizzical look in his direction.

Jem looked up from his novel. “What is ‘hmmm’, my love?”

Kit mimed vomiting but stopped dead in his tracks when she replied, “it’s Astrid’s mother. You remember her from parent teacher night, don’t you, my darling?” Kit swears they were being extra insufferable just to mess with him but he didn’t have the time to be annoyed when Astrid’s. Mom. Was. Calling. Tessa.

To understand why Kit was panicking as much as he was, you must know that Astrid’s mom was incredibly chill. She never got mad. The worst punishment she’d ever given her daughter was taking away her iPod for a week so she couldn’t listen to Mitski.

Was she calling about last night when Astrid, Mari and Kit threw eggs at the Shadowhunter’s that were giving Mari’s pack a hard time for no reason? No, that couldn’t be it. She’d given them the eggs.

Could the call be about the day before yesterday when Kit and Astrid got distracted doing homework and ended up snapping the coffee table clean in half while battling gladiator style with pool noodles? No, that wasn’t it. She’d just handed Astrid a twenty and told them to go to Kevin’s parents' shop and get a new one. Was she pissed because they ended up spending the money on ice cream instead? No, they ended up finding a table for free in the rubbing bin outside a fancy hotel.

Kit clutched his sister to his chest and prepared for the worst.

“Seo-yoon! What can I do for- Oh, hello Astrid!” Tessa paused briefly, presumably to listen to Astrid speak, and Kit sighed in relief.

“Kit is occupied at the moment but I can relay the message.” Another pause. “Oh don’t be frightened of me. I’m a tots rad mom. Your secret is safe with me.” Kit felt his face flush red as he heard his best friend’s laughter echo across the living room. “Okay! I’ll let him know. He has to get Mina to sleep before he can leave though. Lord knows he’s the only one who can these days.” Tessa chuckled at something Astrid said before wishing her good luck in her endeavour and ending the call.

She turned her attention back to Kit. “Astrid needs your help breaking into your teacher’s home to retrieve her cell phone.”

Kit blinked at her, dumbfounded. “You aren’t mad I’m going to go break the law?”

Because of course he was doing it. Astrid’s dad had bought it for her and he was extremely cautious about money. That was one of three things Kit knew about her dad. He was cheap, he lived in America and he loved the movie Fight Club.

Tessa ruffled Kit’s hair affectionately. “Please. I’ve raised two other Herondales. At least I know about this particular adventure beforehand.”

Mina began snoring softly and Kit handed her back to her mother. He grabbed his bag and started his journey to the door when Tessa added, “she also told me to say hi to a ‘daddy Kit’. Are you ‘daddy Kit?’”

‘Daddy Kit’ closed his eyes and wished for the sweet release of death.

“Why is Kit a daddy,” Jem asked, genuinely confused. “Aren’t I the daddy?”

Kit swung the door open so fast not even a speed rune could have aided him. But not before I heard Tessa reply, “Lily Chen certainly thinks so.”

Mrs. MacNamara clapped her hands together. “Why don’t we all go around and say a few things about ourselves?”

Kit buried his face into his hands. He’d been relieved when no other teacher had fulfilled the Disney channel stereotype of making every student introduce themselves to the new kid. But Mrs. MacNamara didn’t even seem to realize what she was doing.

All Kit’s fellow classmates groan. Expect one. Her hand shot up immediately. She was short, like smaller than Clary short. She wore a baggy pink shirt with the words ‘Queen Glimmer of Etheria’ sewed on with purple sequins and tight black jeans. Her colourful, choppy hair was in a low ponytail and she flew a few strands out of her eyes as her hand wiggled in the hair.

Mrs. MacNamara pointed at her. She stood up and smiled at Kit. “Hi. My name is Astrid. My hobbies include making my little cousin’s girl Barbies kiss, as it should be, and watching television shows where everyone is a terrible person so you can love all of them!”

“And what shows might that be?” asked Kit, already in the process of pulling out his phone and opening the Notes app.

“Grey’s Anatomy, Glee, Grey’s Anatomy again because it’s seventeen seasons as of right now. And to be fair it practically became a different show when they killed off Mark Sloan.”

“That’s enough, Miss Yang,” said Mrs. MacNamara. Astrid sat down and winked at Kit. Then she took out her phone and airdropped him a complete list of all her favorite shows, along with her number.

After Blessica’s pre-birthday birthday party, they went to Cirenworth and stayed up till four A.M. binging them.

They met outside a queer dry bar called Aries Not Welcome, the unspoken gathering place of the Merry Hoes. It was run by a poly lesbian couple in their mid-thirties. Quinn, Sydney and Aliyah may not have served alcohol but at least they were open 24/7.

“Did you bring the shit?”

Kit gave her a look. “The shit? How conclusive.”

“Shut up. You know, the shadowhunter thing.”

“The shadowhunter thing?”

“The, the, the glow stick that you draw with.”

“The glow stick that I draw wi-“ Kit closed his eyes briefly. “Do you mean a stele?”

Astrid snapped her fingers. “That’s it!” Kit shook his head in exasperation, smiling fondly. “I borrowed a torch from Quinn, let’s move.”

“Should I be worried that you know where Mr. Smith lives?” questioned Kit as he followed Astrid’s lead through the park.

“Should I be worried that your mom was fine with us breaking and entering?” she shot back playfully. Kit pushed Astrid and she fell off the path, laughing all the way.

“You called me ‘daddy’ to my mom’s face.”

She just laughed harder, slinging her arm around Kit’s shoulder. “It was over the phone, Christopher. And as I should.”

“Pffffttt. Why did you get your phone taken anyway?” She put her hands into her jumper pocket and looked at the ground. “Astrid.” She remained silent. “Astrid?”

She mumbled something under her breath. “What?” asked Kit.

“I WAS READING NINEJ FANFICTION!” she shouted.

Kit gasped. “I thought you were a die hard Kanej shipper,” he whispered.

“I’m a multishipper, okay?!” she replied, equally quiet.

“Does Blessica know?”

She shook her head. “And she will never find out.”

Kit saw the opportunity and he seized it. “She’ll never find out as long as you never call me daddy in front of either of my parents.”

She removed her arm from his shoulder and guided them out of the park, in the direction of the many apartments that lined this side of town. “I hate you.”

“Well, so does Mari. You're not special, Ast.”

She rolled her eyes. “You know Mari doesn’t actually hate you, right?! They’re just still in the enemy phase of your enemies-to-lovers romance. She only dislikes you because they feel something for you but they don’t know what so she interrupts it as loathing. In reality, her inner soul knows you’re hot and shmexie.”

Kit didn’t know how to process this so he just nodded and follow Astrid in silence to Mr. Smith’s house. (Plus, he was kinda glad that, according to his best friend, he had a little more time for Mari to ‘discover their true feelings’. If Kit screwed this up, he was out of countries to run off to.)

“Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me.”

“What,” asked Kit, turning around to face Astrid and closing the drawer he was rifling through. “Did you find your phone?”

“Yeah. But I also found Blessica’s. She was Snapping Kevin. Platonic my ass. But he took the fucking trans flag out of her phone!”

Kit snatched Blessica’s phone out of her hand to examine it for herself. She was telling the truth. Where the glitter pride flag usually rested was just a clear purple case. Kit couldn’t believe his eyes.

“It’s one thing to misgender her every day.” Blessica had forced all four of the other Merry Hoes to sign a contract saying they wouldn’t do anything to harm him because of it. “But this is the last straw. You know what we have to do.” Oops.

“Yeah, but we don’t have any spray paint.”

Kit eyed Mr. Smith’s pink sofa, blue bar stool covers and white picture frames. “I think I have something better in mind.”

It would have been easier for both parties to just zip off the sofa cushions and tape them to the wall but by ripping them off in strips, they ensured he would have to buy new ones. And judging by the car he drove and the fiji water in his fridge, Mr. Smith could definitely afford it.

That reminded him, “I’ll finish up with this. Go put all his fiji water into my bag.” Astrid saluted him and ran off. “Wait.” She stopped and looked at him. “Steal all the remotes you can find.”

“How is he not awake?,” asked Astrid as they ripped the fabric of his seating from the stool.

He shrugged. “Don’t question it.” He shoved the bundle of cloth into her arms. “Glue this above the pink. I’ll handle the frames.”

“Say the magic word,” she sang.

“Please?”

“No. Lesbian. Come on, I thought you knew me better than that.”

Kit laughed quietly. “Can you lesbian glue this above the pink?”

She grinned at Kit. “It would be my pleasure.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hello! Sorry I haven’t written anything in so long. School just restarted and it has been…a lot.

@adoravel-fenomeno @thechangeling @the-blackdale @the-wckd-powers @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @im-not-ruined-im-ruination @ithurielkeepsgettingkidnapped @noah-herondale-lightwood @arangiajoan @shelvesofgold @maxboythedog @book-dragon-not-worm @hardlymatters

Very sorry if I forgot anyone. Lmk if you want to be addEd/removEd from the tag list.

#mari the werewolf #mari machado sotomayor #mari machado #kit rook #kit herondale #astrid yang #blessica reyes #Kevin chu #tessa grey #jem carstairs #lily chen #mina carstairs

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aarons-main-blog · 3 years

Text

I changed my mind, and decided to que this up immediately after posting the first one. I won't be home when you see this because I'm attending a funeral, but tell me what you think of it and I will see you when I get home!

Note: this was made on Google docs mobile, so when I get a chance I will actually use tab instead of just paragraphs.

"Wars, you said you knew the area!"

"I thought I did, but this is sure as hell not the same way I remember! Those ruins we passed back there? Those are completely new to me! This forest? I don't even recognize half of these plants! We should have reached a town hours ago!"

"Hey, stop fighting, you two, or-"

The group Link had been following for the last few hours came to a halt as the one with pink-tipped hair argued with the one with a blue scarf. He couldn't tell if they were a threat yet, they just seemed like lost travelers. Then again, that was the main way the Yiga clan tried to trick him.

Pinky and Wars kept arguing, until finally the smallest one in rainbow colors seemed to snap. "How about we admit it. We are lost, and just happened to find something that reminded Wars of home. It was NOONE's fault, because we ignored the obvious signs something was wrong. Now, we are lost in the middle of a forest, and unless you have an idea of what we should do, then SHUT UP!"

The group all seemed shocked by his outburst, Link and the rainbow included, and once they all seemed to get over it, the kid apologized. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell."

The oldest one, probably the leader, said, "No, it's ok. Today has been a long day, and everyone seems on edge. Perhaps we should set up camp early, does that sound good to everyone?"

The group nodded collectively, and started to set up in the clearing that could barely fit all of them. The one in a green tunic and no pants volunteered for the night's first watch, and while it wouldn't be for a while, they seemed relaxed a bit more by the fact someone was willing to do it.

Link, who had been hiding a good distance away from them, stood up. He got a stealth potion that would last him a few hours at least ready, then decided he would investigate that night.

As the sun set, an awful smell enveloped the forest. "Legend, what did you do?!"

"I don't know! It was fine a minute ago!"

"It's smoking! How did you burn SOUP of all things?!"

"I didn't burn it, it just got too hot!"

"Because you ****ed up, Legend! That's literally how things burn up!"

"Wind, watch your mouth."

Link had just come back from following the path the group of strangers had taken, looking to see if they dropped anything interesting, when he heard the commotion. It smelled like burning hair or that one shrine he had found with the awful cook. Maybe they were cousins?

As Link got closer to get a better look, he saw four people standing around a large cooking pot with a brown/green liquid with chunks in it. Pathetic. Are all of them as bad cooks as that one? Link was amazed they had survived however long they had been traveling.

Pinkey poked the 'soup' with a wooden ladle. "It's still edible, look, the vegetables seem cooked enough."

"With all due respect, I don't know if I would want to eat that," the kid in a blue shirt said with a grimace. "I don't know if anyone else would either."

The old one took the ladle and used it to try a small sip of what they were calling a soup, and his face scrunched up immediately.

"Uh, Time?" The blue kid tapped the man's shoulder.

The man swallowed the drink, coughed, then said, "It is… certainly better than last time."

A few of the others gave their opinions, from encouraging to neutral, before deciding it was better than nothing.

None of them looked that happy about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After what theoretically could have been called dinner, the one in the green tunic, which Link had identified as being named "Hyrule," started circling around the camp, gradually making them larger and larger before returning close and starting again. Near the middle of the third round, Link drank his stealth potion and snuck into the campsite.

There was a young adult in tan with a tall belt, there was a boy in blue(wind), there was a kid in rainbow, there was a young adult with a wolf pelt on his shoulders, still on in his sleep for some reason, there was one in red with pink hair tips(legend), and then there was the leader. Link got a good look at him. He had a fancy set of armour, a big sword, a bad eye, but the strangest thing was he had familiar markings covering his face. They were almost the same…

As the ones Link saw in nearly every mirror, looking right back at himself.

"Time?"

Link turned towards the voice to see the one called Hyrule looking at him. He had to play this right. "Yes?"

"Oh, thank the goddess. What are you up to?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I was going to see if you wanted off early." This was dangerous. If he realized the real Time was sleeping soundly next to him, he would wake up all the others, and then he'd have eight grumpy travelers armed to the teeth on his trail in seconds.

"You sure that's ok with you?"

"Yes, get some rest."

"Thanks, Time," the boy said with a smile. "I will."

Link somewhat directed Hyrule towards the opposite side of where Time was. He was extremely lucky the fire was ruining the boy's night vision.

"Time?"

Link stopped and turned his head a bit. "Yeah?"

There was a pause. "Thank you for being here for us."

Link smiled. "You don't have to mention it," mimicking the somewhat fancy way he had heard Time use words. "Goodnight."

Hyrule mumbled it back, seemingly exhausted from the travel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Hyrule woke up feeling well rested. The birds were singing a song only they knew, the trees provided shade from the early morning sun, the wind rustled leaves and bushes softly, and a nice smell emanated from the cooking pot.

Wait, did someone cook something edible? Hyrule shot up, feeling excited to see what had made someone unlock their inner cook.

"Hey, mornin, Hyrule!"

"Goodmorning, Wind! What's cooking?"

Wind was grinning like an idiot. "No idea, but none of us made it, that's for sure! Four woke up and saw it cooking, then woke up the rest of us, except for you and sky. Time says you didn't wake him up for his shift, so we thought you could use some re-"

Hyrule was confused. "Wait, what? Run that by me one more time."

Wind's grin fell just a little bit, before coming back up. "Four woke up first, saw something was cooking, and woke everyone but you and sky because we thought you must have kept watch the whole night. Is that not what happened?"

"Yeah, Time said he couldn't sleep last night, so he took over the watch early for me."

Time, who had been listening in, said "I think I would know my sleep schedule better than you would. You didn't wake me up last night, and I didn't wake myself up, that's for certain."

"Then who-"

Four hit the pot a few times. "Breakfast is ready, guys!"

The questions could wait. Nobody had had a good meal for at least a week or two, so they were excited to try the mysterious meal.

It. Was. Delicious!

After discussion, it was determined to be a mushroom, meat and rice based meal. The meat used was probably venison, and a high quality type at that. It was served with some mushrooms nobody recognized but everybody loved, and a strange rice they couldn't find an exact comparison of.

Idle conversation was of generally positive things and how beautiful the world was. All of their problems seemed far away, and the day promised to be a great one. As the last of the food was eaten up, and the bowl was starting to be wiped as clean as it would get, Twilight brought up the question on everyone's mind.

"I wonder who made this for us."

"Maybe it was a ghost!" Wind exclaimed.

"Maybe it was a passing traveler?" Four said at the same time.

Legend laughed. "It was not a ghost, you idiot!"

"You don't know that," Wind huffed. "I met a ghost once, she was nice!"

"You did NOT meet a ghost!"

"Yeah I did!"

"Cut it out you two," Time said with his signature 'stop' look. "Whoever did it, they must have been a nice person. Don't argue about things this good, ok?"

"Ok!" Wind said. Legend just scoffed.

Nobody noticed the person sitting on top of a tree, fiddling a strange ocarina.

I hope this was ok! I will be the first to admit my writing style isn't the best, but I think this is one of my better works at the moment. Comments and criticism is appreciated, and I may edit this if I find stupid things I want to change/fix. I should be home Friday, probably Thursday afternoon. Anyway, see you next time!

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dukeofonions · 3 years

Text

The Problem With Asides

Before I get into anything I want to clarify that this is not going to be a criticism of the two Asides episodes we’ve gotten so far. This is a critique of the concept of Sanders Asides as a separate series from the original Sanders Sides. A second note I want to make is that this is, just as all my other posts are, a personal opinion. This is not meant to be an attack on anyone, just a general criticism from a confused writer and viewer of the show.

And final disclaimer: A lot of what I’m going to say is based on information that I no longer have available. It’ll mostly be me recalling things I heard and if I at any point get something wrong please feel free to let me know.

That being said, let’s get into this, shall we?

(Fair warning this post is very long hence why I’ve divided it into parts so feel free to read then come back as you wish)

Part One: The Concept of Asides

Some time ago last year, I believe shortly after Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts came out, was when the idea for Sanders Asides was first announced. The basic concept of it being shorter, more lighthearted videos focusing on the Sides outside of the main storyline. This format would allow them to give us more Sides content in between the long waits for the main series since those episodes were beginning to take more time to produce.

Of course, everyone was eager for more Sides, so the majority of people were excited. Not only that but due to the main series tackling heavier themes, the episodes were becoming more angsty with less time for the characters to just relax and goof off with each other. The idea of having episodes reminiscent of the low stakes, sillier, happier content of season one was a welcome break from the more complex episodes and would be a nice return to form for the series.

We were also informed that these episodes would be much simpler than their main series counterparts and wouldn’t disrupt the work being done on Sanders Sides, which meant we didn’t have to worry about long gaps between the main story episodes, right?

(Another disclaimer: I am perfectly aware of the main reason why we were not given as much content last year and am not blaming Thomas or the team for doing what was necessary to keep themselves safe and hope they continue to do so as this continues into the new year)

Jump to November 22, 2019, where we got our first official episode of Sanders Asides, roughly five months after DWIT came out. Which, for this fandom, was record time to get more content and I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly they were able to get this out. Though at the same time, I wondered why it took five months to make what was meant to be a short, simple episode.

So imagine my surprise when I went to watch the episode and saw it was nearly 20 minutes long. Which, okay, isn’t that bad when you compare it to the lengths of the more recent Sanders Sides episodes. But at the time, I was under the impression that the Asides would be, well, much shorter. The longest I expected would be maybe 15 minutes, but you know what? It’s the first episode and it has been a while since we’ve had Sides content, so maybe they wanted to give us a little extra due to the long wait.

I started the episode and at first, I was overjoyed when I saw the first shot of all the Sides sitting in the living room in their onesies about to have a movie night. This was exactly what I’d been hoping to see from this series! It’s pretty much a staple thing in the fandom for the Sides to have movie nights together, and now it was happening in canon!

At the moment, I had high hopes for this series and was filled with joy.

Then that hope and joy were immediately crushed when I realized this was yet just another Virgil-centric angst episode. In fact, this entire episode was, well, exactly like a regular Sanders Sides episode. Sure, there were some jokes here and there, but the tone of the episode was no lighter than the last Sanders Sides episode. If anything DWIT felt lighter in comparison to this one.

Which leads me to ask, what the heck happened?

Part Two: Literally the Same Show

At this point in time, we’ve only had two episodes of Asides. Usually, I try to hold off my judgment of a series until I’ve had at least one other episode to see if my original criticisms still stand.

To be fair, I did think Flirting With Social Anxiety was a step in the right direction. More comedy, a lighter tone, yes. Perfect. But again, just like with Are There Healthy Distractions? This episode quickly dove right back into the angst pool, and just like ATHD it was a pretty long episode, clocking in at almost 25 minutes.

Not only that but again, both FWSA and ATHD don’t feel any different from the episodes we’ve been getting in Sanders Sides.

1. They’re just as angsty.

2. Roughly the same length as Sanders Sides episodes.

3. Take about just as long to produce.

4. Contain a lesson to be learned.

Which, okay, you can have lessons in lighter shows too, but we’re already getting that in Sanders Sides and Sanders Asides was described as, well, being less plot heavy. Yet so far both episodes are still tied in with the main plot.

ATHD deals with the aftermath of DWIT, not directly but it’s pretty obvious that the whole thing with Virgil’s reveal at the end of that episode is being addressed in the background. Which, kind of takes away the impact of that ending, but I’ll get to that later.

Then FWSA takes place after Putting Others First and again, is dealing with things from that episode in the background. Again though, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It makes sense to see the characters dealing with things from past events.

So why is it a problem here? Because, again, Sanders Asides is meant to be a separate series, and all the subtext brought on from the episodes in Sanders Sides makes the plots in these two episodes confusing.

For example, I was perplexed during my first watch of FWSA because I couldn’t understand why the focus of the conflict was lying. I didn’t understand why Virgil and Roman came to the conclusion that Thomas’ reason for being unable to approach Nico was because he was lying to himself, when both the title of the episode and what we were shown points more to, well, social anxiety being the problem.

(Quick note: One could argue that this was done purposefully to have Virgil putting the blame on Janus since he doesn’t like him and wouldn’t want to admit that he was the one responsible, but this series has had a bad habit of favoring Virgil in the past so until we get more answers I’m gonna leave this on the backburner)

It didn’t help that I had no idea when this episode was meant to take place in the timeline, and I originally thought it could take place a bit after season two since Roman and Virgil seemed to be doing better, but more on them later.

All of this bugged me until I found out that FWSA takes place after POF, and after watching the live stream that followed and getting some more context, the lying thing made a bit more sense, but the fact that I was as confused as I was just caused more frustration to build up. And I wasn’t the only one who got thrown off by the “Lying is wrong” message of FWSA so I had to ask again, why was this episode a Sanders Asides when apparently, you need information from the last Sanders Sides episode in order to understand it?

So you’re telling me, that the second episode in what is supposed to be a separate series that isn’t meant to be a part of the main plot, is now integral to the plot of the main story you’re telling in what is, as you have said, a separate show? How does that make any sense?

Okay, one could argue that Thomas getting a love interest doesn’t really fit with the current storyline that’s going on in Sanders Sides, and that is a fair point. The problem with that is, FWSA takes place right after Putting Others First.

You all remember what happened at the end of that episode, right?

Part Three: Intrusive Plots

At this point we’ve all become rather accustomed to the long waits in between videos, it’s nothing new to us, and for the most part they haven’t done anything to harm the current plot of Sanders Sides. Sure, the length of time between videos can cause people to lose interest, but for the most part the tone of the last three episodes of Sanders Sides hasn’t differed much and the story flow is still going along smoothly.

Let’s start with Selfishness vs Selflessness, which is the episode that sets up the big climax for season two. It’s still got its jokes and funny moments, but the overall tone is far more serious than previous episodes have been. This carries on into DWIT where Thomas has been so stressed out lately that he’s begun to have trouble with his intrusive thoughts.

Virgil even gives a pretty good summary of Thomas’ current mental state: “He recently realized he’s a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn’t understand himself, he’s committed to skipping a big callback, and he’s sleep-deprived. So yeah, he feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life.”

And all that was a direct result of the ending of SVS, despite DWIT not being the direct follow up to that episode the two are still intertwined. Remember that for later.

DWIT ends with the long awaited reveal of Virgil having been a “Dark Side.” Even though the majority of the fandom had figured it out by as early as Can Lying Be Good? That didn’t take away from the emotional gut punch that this scene was and it’s one of my favorite moments from the series. I may have to make a whole post breaking that scene down but what matters is that this scene was a turning point for Virgil’s character.

We’ve seen him trying to hide the truth from Thomas ever since Janus and Remus started popping up, and there were close calls with both of them nearly revealing it themselves and continuously dropping hints to Thomas. Only for Virgil to admit it to Thomas himself, and leave before Thomas can even say a word.

We don’t know for sure how Thomas is feeling in this moment, but it’s clear he’s been shaken by this. He doesn’t really have a lot of time to process it before he remembers to acknowledge the audience and close out the video.

This comes up again once we finally get to the monster of an episode that is POF, the follow up to SVS that everyone had been waiting over a year for. Right away we see that Patton and Roman will be at the forefront of this discussion with Logan popping up every now and then, but who doesn’t show up in this episode despite having played a role in SVS?

Virgil.

He’s nowhere to be seen and his absence is definitely felt. Why wouldn’t he be part of this discussion? He was there in SVS and had a lot to say on the matter, he was even part of the decision to choose the wedding over the callback! So why wasn’t he there?

Well, just look at the ending of DWIT and there’s your answer. Of course he isn’t about to show his face after that. Not when Thomas is already under so much stress already and he isn’t sure how Thomas will react to seeing him-

*insert random voice whispering off to the side*

Wait, Virgil has seen Thomas since DWIT? When?

*whispers continue*

Oh, right, they interacted in Sanders Asides. How did that go again?

*whispers explain*

Huh? Thomas said he’s cool with Virgil despite revealing that he’s been hiding something from him this whole time? That “something” being the fact that Virgil was once considered part of the others that were currently making Thomas’ life miserable?

*whispers confirm*

Really? They’re both okay with each other now? Well, good for them.

So wait, then why didn’t Virgil show up in POF? He was there during the first discussion and honestly he’d have more of a reason to show up than Logan who wasn’t really present at all in SVS.

*whispers explain*

He just wasn’t need there? Hm, alright. Guess that makes sense…

Well okay, Virgil and Thomas are on good terms once POF rolls around, Virgil isn’t present during the conversation because he isn’t needed and I suppose his presence would make things worse. Especially once Janus revealed himself, he wouldn’t allow him to get a word in. Even though Janus could probably silence him but I digress.

Fast forward towards the ending of POF, remember when I said to remember how SVS and DWIT were connected? Well DWIT is just as important to POF, acting as a bit of bridge between to the two episodes.

Janus brings up Remus (both directly and indirectly) twice in this episode.

First here:

Notice how Roman’s breakdown is already being foreshadowed here, the camera focusing on him while “Logan” says this isn’t an accident.

The second time Remus is brought up is at the very end after Janus has revealed his name:

“Oh, Roman thank God you don’t have a mustache. Otherwise between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.”

(No I am not posting screenshots of this scene I already got emotional over the last one)

As we saw at the end of DWIT, Roman does not have a good relationship with is brother. So much so that when Thomas refers to Remus as such, Roman creates a different analogy that compares Remus to a mirror, reflecting everything Roman doesn’t want to be.

Roman desperately wants to distance himself from Remus, not wanting anything to do with him. We’ve only gotten a glimpse of just how far this loathing goes, and part of that comes from Roman finally breaking down after being told by Janus that if it wasn’t for a mustache there’d be no difference between him and Remus.

This shook Roman more than anything else in the show has so far, moreso than him being the one to decide that Thomas should give up the callback. He was the one that pushed Thomas to make that decision, believing it was the noble thing to do, only for it to only make Thomas feel worse and then be told by Janus that his “noble sacrifice” was all for nothing.

Janus, the one who had been supporting Roman throughout SVS, buttering him up and encouraging him to go after his dream, told him that his sacrifice was worthless. Then to top it all off Janus admits what he did and brushes it off as a joke. He doesn’t apologize to Roman, leaving him in the dust, then when Roman responds by laughing at his name he’s shot down even lower.

And when he looks to Thomas and Patton for help, for answers, anything.

They stay silent.

Patton tries to reassure him, telling Roman that they love him, but he doesn’t believe it. He sinks out, and that’s the last we see of him.

Selfishness vs Selflessness, Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, and Putting Others First are three of the biggest (and dare I say most important) episodes in the series. The three almost act like a trilogy, with POF leading to something bigger, the season finale. Which will be culmination of all three of these episodes.

We’ll be seeing Virgil’s reaction to Janus having been accepted by Patton and facing his own past as a “Dark Side.” Then we’ll find out what has become of Roman after he disappeared at the end of POF, and how it now affects his relationship with Thomas.

*whispers return and begin to whisper*

I’m sorry what?

*whispers repeat*

Virgil already knows about Janus getting somewhat accepted? Well okay I guess he would, wish we could have seen his reaction to that but oh well, no big deal. At least we got the Roman and Thomas confrontation to look forward to.

*whispers whisper*

Roman has already interacted with Thomas since POF? When?!

*whisper*

In FWSA? Oh yeah, how did that go again? It was super awkward right? Since Roman doesn’t really trust that Thomas loves or values him?

*whisperly whisper*

They get along just fine as if nothing happened?

*whispersty*

It looks like he might still be upset with him since he’s being a bit passive aggressive?

*whisper*

Can’t really tell because the three are too busy trying to talk to a cute guy at the mall?

Okay, I guess that all makes sense…

Looks like Roman and Virgil still aren’t on the best terms with Thomas but are able to push that aside to help him talk to this handsome stranger, and hey, it worked! Thomas now has a boyfriend! Just look at Roman and Virgil at the end, they’re both so happy with Thomas!

Looks like now they can focus on this new chapter in their life and leave the events of POF behind them. I mean, now that Roman and Virgil seem pretty cool with Thomas it would just feel weird to suddenly have them angry with him again, wouldn’t it?

Part Four: The Problem

Sanders Asides was originally described as being a series separate from the main storyline of Sanders Sides. Promising us shorter, less complicated episodes to give us a little something in between the longer, heavier episodes in Sanders Sides. This was a great idea that ended up falling apart the moment it began.

When I was going through SVS, DWIT, and POF I mentioned that the three of them felt like a trilogy. All three of them link together to tell one bigger story, and on their own they get the job done. They set up the season finale perfectly to the point where you have an idea of what to expect and what to look forward to.

The main things being the aftermath of Virgil’s reveal and Roman’s breakdown, which would most likely cultivate in them teaming up against Janus. This would also involve Virgil coming to terms with his past and Roman having to face Remus.

Of course, none of this has been officially confirmed, but given everything we’ve seen up to this point it just makes sense.

The story for season two is nearly complete, all we’re missing is the conclusion.

Then Sanders Asides showed up and threw everything off course. What was supposed to be its own thing crept into a story that was already (for all we knew) set up and being put into place.

We were told that the Asides wouldn’t do anything to disrupt the flow of Sanders Sides, yet it’s been confirmed that there will be one or two more episodes of Asides before we get the season finale.

Why? Why are these episodes necessary when everything was set to move forward after POF? If these episodes are that important that they absolutely have to be made before the finale then why are they simply not part of the main series?

You could say “Well they’re not directly tied to the main plot, that’s why.” But need I remind you that Asides as a concept was just intriduced after DWIT came out? These episodes were written specifcally for Asides, which unless I’m wrong means that they were just added into the main story with no planning whatsoever.

FWSA honestly feels like it should have been the start of season three, something that should have waited to be introduced after season two wrapped up because it’s just too much.

We already have so much to unpack from SVS, DWIT, and POF now we also have a new love interest on top of that?

Virgil and Thomas’ resolution doesn’t even feel all that special because it wasn’t talked about directly between them. Thomas was indirectly letting Virgil know they were still okay, so what does that leave for us? All that build up about Virgil being a “Dark Side” only for it to be brushed over like it was nothing, and this happened in an Asides episode, not even in the main series.

It also makes Virgil’s absence in POF confusing when they had already set up the perfect reason for him to be absent in DWIT, but according to the first episode of ATHD Virgil and Thomas are okay with each other. Sure, Virgil being there might have made things worse but at that point everyone was making things worse.

We no longer have a confrontation between Thomas and Roman to look forward to because in FWSA we see them interacting as normal. Even the passive agressiveness isn’t anything new to Roman and really, it all just sounds super petty which he had been known to behave like that even when nothing is seriously wrong. Not only that Roman is overjoyed at the end, having finally gotten something he desperately wanted, the happy ending he deserved.

All that’s left for him is to fave his feelings towards Remus, but what would even happen there?

The problem with Asides isn’t the quality of the episodes, FWSA is actually one of my favorite episodes. The problem with Asides is that the team is taking what should have been something small and turning it into a far too elaborate for what its original purpose was: To give us more lighthearted content to enjoy in between the waits for the heavier episodes.

Instead it just feels like they’re adding onto something that really didn’t need adding on to, creating more work for themselves when it just isn’t necessary, and that worries me.

Final Thoughts

Honestly, it’s hard for me to make all these judgments when no one has any idea what the finale is going to be like. And usually, the team is able to excede my expectations and create something amazing.

But with all these new Asides episodes that feel like they’re just being crammed in at the last second, it makes me wonder how the rest of the series will go if they continue down this road.

Season two started September 1st, 2017, it is now January 3rd, 2021. Throughout season two the production of episodes became more elaborate, and there have been complications that arose from trying to make these videos as a result that sent production screeching to a halt. And on top of that, these Sanders Asides have been added to create even more work for Thomas and the team.

I don’t understand why they’d do this to themselves when it’s already become more difficult than ever to make videos in general, not just Sanders Sides.

We were offered something simple that would have satisfied everyone during the difficult times, only to be given something that honestly, wasn’t even needed. I do appreciate Thomas trying to get us more content, but I don’t think he or the team realizes just how content we’d all be with just a five minute video of the characters we love just doing something as simple as hanging out and having fun, especially with how dark things have become all around us.

We don’t always have to be watching these characters struggle, sometimes we just need to see them be genuinely happy.

(Thanks to everyone who took time to read this monster of a post, I did not mean for it to get this long but it’s been dwelling on my mind for a while and I wanted to make sure I got out everything I wanted to say. Again, this is all just a personal opinions and you are not obligated to agree with me. If you have an objecting opinion I would not mind hearing it but please keep any discussions civil.)

#dukeofcritical #sanders sides #ts criticism #sanders sides criticism #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #long post

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kuroo-shitsurou · 3 years

Text

Auxilium (College!Xiao x College!Reader)

TW: mentions blood, depression, anxiety

note: it's my first time writing and posting something on tumblr so im sorry if it's bad!! reader is gn hehe.

Late February was never a good time for Xiao.

It was the second month of the year; People were starting to adjust and adapt to the ever-changing and progressing timeline. Although, he never really understood the concept of the "New year, new me!" shtick. Humans make decisions that eventually shape their personalities. What does a new year have anything to do with that? Does a change in the year automatically make you a good person? Does it make you less of an asshole than you might already be? He never really understood.

He found it rather silly, actually. Whenever a new year rolls around, Xiao would mutter silent curses to himself because he'd write the wrong year on his papers. Other than that, there wasn't any significant changes he made in his daily routine. He was still the same Xiao; The same anxious, mildly depressed, and coffee-high art major Xiao.

Now, Xiao was a respected figure in their college (or at least, that's what he was told). He was one of the most talented artists at Tokyo University, and professors have been eyeing him for a scholarship overseas (he, along with his brooding and mysterious senior, Diluc). His keen eye for details always produce great results as most of his portraits are featured in the university's gallery of students' greatest works. Not to mention, one of his larger canvas works were displayed at the Tokyo Museum, making him one of the youngest artists to have their art showcased there.

Admittedly, Xiao was aware of how people admired his talent. Unfortunately, due to a rough childhood where his parents barely showed him any love and affection, he had trouble reflecting his true emotions onto other people. That's why other art majors often labelled him as a self-absorbed, egotistical prick.

Xiao was the last person you'd want to compliment. It's not that he'd be a dick about it or that he'd scowl at you and act as if he was better than you in every way possible. It wasn't like that at all. It's simply because Xiao doesn't know how to handle compliments. He'll still keep his stoic face, lips pressed in a straight line, but deep inside, he'd be flustered to bits. He'd try to internalize his reply, stitching together the right words to express his gratitude, but it would always take him a few minutes. The person who complimented him would've already left after he finally constructed the sentence in his head. Not that he wasn't used to it

This led to Xiao earning his current reputation, as stated earlier. He was already expecting the rest of his college years to be spent alone in his studio, working on his artworks during the wee hours of the night, high on the fumes of his paint palette and his exhausted coffee machine.

Until you came.

Kaoru was... eccentric. You were loud, you were moody. He felt like you'd be the type of person he'd hate dealing with just because you was unpredictable. You were like the rain, and Xiao hated the rain.

He must have an Archon's cursed tongue, because he got paired up with you during the first semester of their second year in college. You were a familiar name to him, as you were in the same course since the first year, but he barely knew anything about you since you were in different classes.

"Hey, Xiao! I'm _____. I hope we can be good friends by the end of the semester!" His memory of your bright smile still remains vivid in his head. He wasn't really a brooding type like Diluc, but Xiao liked to believed that he presented himself as a silent person who had no intentions of interacting with other people. So, how were you so bubbly around him? Because she was forced to do so? You were to be his partner for the whole semester, after all. Maybe it was all formalities. Yeah, that's probably it.

"Hm." Xiao gave a nod in her direction, acknowledging your existence. you heard from your friends that the young artist didn't have a pleasing personality, but you weren't expecting to be shutdown from the get-go.

"Mind if I sit beside you?"

Again, a light nod.

You felt the awkward tension between you and Xiao, and you hated it. You were a person who hated it when people are uncomfortable in your presence. You didn't want to be a bother, and you did your best to make everyone like you. Not that you were a people pleaser, nor an attention hog, but you just wanted to get along with everyone.

The lecture was going to begin in twenty minutes, so the lecture hall was yet to be filled with people. You took the opportunity to strike up a conversation with the amber eyed man beside you, who was typing away on his laptop. Something about color theory and how it affects the perspective of people on different art types? You couldn't really see that well. He was a fast typer.

"So, Xiao, I heard that your painting was displayed in the Tokyo Museum last year. It must have been an honor. I was at the unveiling last year and I saw it up-close." You started off, testing the waters.

"And what did you think of it?" Xiao cringed internally. He meant to genuinely ask for your feedback regarding his art, but it sounded so harsh that he wanted to punch himself when he saw you wince (or maybe you shuddered because it was cold and you were wearing a sleeveless top? His nerves were getting the better of him at this point).

"Well, a lot of my friends told me that it wasn't anything special,"

Ouch.

"It was a large canvas. I can still remember how it looks. But, maybe that's because I'm at the museum every two weeks," You laughed. You noticed how Xiao's breathing noticeably changed after you started your sentence, and you have to admit that it sounded a bit too mean.

"You know, Xiao. My friends told me that your art was simple. Anyone could have done it. But honestly, they couldn't be more wrong. I love how your piece was painted. Auxilium. I'll never forget what you called it. That's... Help, right?"

At first, Xiao didn't want to listen to this person ramble about an art piece he made during one of the lowest points of his life.

His anti-depressants had run out during that one Christmas. It was 2:47 in the morning. He had morning classes the following day. He had a project to submit, but he was unable to continue working because of the unbearable pain in his chest. His head was throbbing. Voices were invading his mind. Flashbacks of his parents' negligence taunted him. He rushed to grab a glass of water, chugging it down in almost three chugs. He slammed the glass back onto the counter, smashing it into tiny little splinters and cutting himself in the process. His hand was bleeding, there were bits of glass on his counter and on his floor, but he couldn't care less. He was heaving, his breathing was unsteady, he wanted to die right then and there. His vision became blurry, but he rushed back to his studio.

With a bleeding hand, he picked up his brush and began to tear into his canvas. Not literally, but he started to create strokes onto the blank canvas. Different colors, different textures (he swore some of his blood got blended in with the area where he painted the sunrise, but it's fine. No one was going to notice, right?). He screamed and cried, wanting to throw the entire easel out his window.

It was Christmas. He was alone in his apartment. His anti-depressants ran out. He was having a panic attack.

That night led him to having one of the worst breakdowns he could remember, but he also ended up with a gorgeous painting that nabbed him a place in the Tokyo Museum.

"Help," Your voice echoed in his ears, snapping him out of his trance.

"People can tell me that it's nothing more than a simple painting, but the way that the sunrise was only showing in a segmented part of the canvas? The way that there were hints of red? It kind of reminded me how a new day can resemble hope but still contain hurt. Like, the promise of a fresh start isn't guaranteed a good one, right?"

Your words rang in his ears like a gong being hit continuously. He wanted to cry. People always complimented him and congratulated him about being recognized by art critics and national museums, but none of them ever really stopped to talk to him about his art. They were there for his recognition- not his work.

"I mean, you could begin with a fresh start, but wouldn't the remnants of yesterday still take a toll on your tomorrow?"

"Hm. Interesting take. To be honest, those specks could have been my blood." Xiao spoke up, to your surprise. A small smile formed on your face. Maybe this guy wasn't so bad after all.

"My hand was cut up when I was painting that," He added quietly, not mentioning why his hand was in that state. "I think I accidentally added too much concentrated red. I couldn't blend it out the way I originally planned."

"Oh? But that makes it all the more great, though!" You beamed, "Maybe it was an Archon guiding you? I don't really believe in that stuff, but acknowledging some divine intervention once in a while can't be all bad, no?" You laughed.

"I guess you're right." For the first time in a while, Xiao actually gave someone else a small smile. It wasn't really a smile per se, but his lips curved even the slightest bit upward, and you decided that it was a win for you.

Fast forward to the second semester of their third year.

Late February was never a good time for Xiao.

It had been years since he was clinically-diagnosed with mild depression. So, why was he still that way? Shouldn't new years help him be a better person? Or something like that. Why was he still like this?

Late February meant the end of one semester, and the start of another.

What else did that mean?

His semestral feedback report (he refused to call it a report card. What was he, high school?).

"Xiao? Are you here? I bought almond tofu from Xiangling's place. Sorry for barging in, you weren't answering my calls." He heard your voice from the kitchen and he glanced at the clock on his studio's wall.

1:37 AM.

You were at Xiangling's place because you were working on a report about the history of acrylic paints or whatever it was. You were supposed to go home, but you still dropped by his apartment. He checked his phone.

[ 14 missed calls. ]

Yikes.

"I'm here." He answered meekly, but loud enough for you to hear. He felt tired. Defeated, maybe. He was blankly staring at the canvas in front of him. He has sketched the base of your face and upper body. He was planning on painting a portrait of his beloved to decorate his room with, but he couldn't find the energy to continue.

He could hear the soft "thud"s of your feet walking from the kitchen towards the studio, but he tuned it out with an annoying static he could only hear in his head.

Fuck. Where are they?

He rushed to the drawer next to his easels and rummaged around in a panic.

Where the fuck are they?

He kept a few anti-depressants in his studio because he spends most of his time here and he didn't have time to rush to the kitchen to get them if he ever got a panic attack.

"Fuck!" He cursed loudly, throwing the contents of his desk onto the floor. Some of his paintbrushes scattered on the wooden floor of his studio, marking the wood various colors. Maybe they're going to stain, but he didn't really care.

Xiao heard the footsteps retreating until he couldn't hear anything else except the constant ringing in his ears. It was annoying. It was loud. It started to make him want to split his head open.

"_____," He whispered, feeling his chest hurt and his throat tighten. The passageways helping him breathe seemed to close themselves, giving him a hard time and mocking him. It was coming back again.

Tears started to flood his vision, and they rolled down his red cheeks. He took the ponytail out of his hair and used two hands to tug at his locks starting from the roots. His breathing patterns became more erratic, but he tried his best to stay calm.

His knees and legs felt like jelly. He had to lean against the desk to avoid from toppling over.

Why? Why again? Why now? Why when you were here?

He screamed. It was loud enough for the neighbors to hear, but his care for any external entities was out the window the moment his eyes became blurry with tears.

Even though he was leaning against the desk, his legs still couldn't hold the weight of his entire body. His knees dropped to the floor, and he swore he must've dented the wood below, but he paid no mind to it. His knees were also aching, but he could deal with that later. He bent down and pressed his forehead to the floor.

"_____," He whispered again, longing for his partner. "Auxilium."

"Xiao?" The voice was muffled. His eyes were glued to the floor in front of him, but he knew it was you.

"Xiao, stay with me, honey." There was a hint of panic evident in your voice, but he was glad that you didn't let that get the best of you. You was still somewhat calm.

You kneeled down beside him, helping him back to an upright position.

"Honey, you left these on the counter outside." You handed him two tablets of his anti-depressants, and he gladly placed them in his mouth. You also gave him a glass of water, and he downed it in two swift gulps. Afraid that he might underestimate his strength, he returned the glass back to you instead of setting it down himself, nodding at you in the process.

You got into a more comfortable position where you rested your back against the wall, and you guided Xiao to follow you. It was a difficult task; He was very sensitive during his panic attacks.

His semestral feedback reports always made him anxious. He didn't have to please his parents anymore since he moved out years ago, but Xiao had this nagging feeling inside of him to do better with his academics. Nobody was really pressuring him to be a straight-A student, but did he feel like he needed to be? Who was he trying to prove himself to anyway? You knew about his sever panic attacks and how they were more active if he had a big event coming up. The first time you had to deal with it, you were still stiff and trying to learn how you could help. Now, you takes pride in yourself for being able to handle him in the ways you know would help him the most.

"Here you go, I've got you." You cooed, assisting him with moving. You laid his head flat on her lap and she began stroking his beautiful, tousled forest green locks. The highlights he had under the first layer of his hair started to fade, and you made a mental note to take him to a salon so they could get their highlights redone.

"You know, I've been listening to a lot of Coldplay lately," You started speaking, as if Xiao wasn't about to have a full-on panic attack. "Yellow would have to be one of my favorite songs. I guess it's kinda cheesy, but can you blame me?"

You used your free hand to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you." You began singing, voice just above a whisper.

"And everything you do. Yeah, they were all yellow."

Xiao was a reserved person who had a hard time dealing with other people because of his inferiority complex that sprouted when he was young.

"I came along, I wrote a song for you."

He didn't have love and affection growing up. He didn't know how to be the best person to talk to. He had poor communication skills. He was a mess, to be honest.

"And all the things you do. And it was called yellow."

You were the first person who looked past his rough and tough exterior. You were the person who showed interest not just in his name- but in him as a whole.

"So when I took my turn, what a thing to've done."

"Thank you," He murmured silently, noticing that the ringing in his ears vanished. His throat was beginning to open again, and he could finally feel the steady heartbeat he had in his chest.

"And it was all yellow."

Xiao curled himself into a ball, burying his face in your clothed stomach. You smelled a bit like smoke (maybe you ate yakiniku at Xiangling's?) and your faded cologne. It smelled like home. It washed a sense of relief over his entire being. He felt safe. He felt secure. He was being held like a child, but he didn't really mind. Maybe he needed this.

"Your skin. Oh yeah, your skin and bones,"

You craned your neck downwards to look at Xiao's figure. He finally looked peaceful. You knew about his rough past. You knew about the trauma he had to go through, but you chose to look past it because you knew that he was just afraid and... alone. He needed someone to be there for him, and you would rather the world die than leave him alone ever again.

"Turn into something beautiful."

You noticed how his chest started a rhythmic pattern of ups and downs. His breathing was finally steady. He looked at peace. He looked like he was right at home.

"Do you know? You know I love you so."

You couldn't help but chuckle as you watched him sleep in your lap. How could anyone think that this softie was an asshole?

"You know I love you so."

You barely whispered the last part of the song, but it was loud enough for his heart to hear it. Xiao hated when things were unpredictable; that's why he hated the rain. But now, maybe the idea of rain wasn't so bad. Especially since you were his rain.

"I love you, Xiao."

At that moment, you knew that the involuntary smile on Xiao's face was a response that contained more emotions than his words could ever bear.

"I love you too."

#genshin xiao #genshin impact xiao #xiao imagines #genshin impact #xiao x reader #genshin impact x reader #gi #genshin #xiao

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cosmicjoke · 3 years

Text

Alright, chapter 133 of SnK!

I’ve got a few things I want to talk about here.

One of the things that always strikes me about Levi as a character, indeed, one of his defining character traits, is his coolness under pressure. His calm demeanor, no matter the circumstances. One of the interesting things to go into is WHY Levi is like this.

We see it particularly exemplified in this chapter, I think, and there’s a few examples. For one, they’ve all just lost Hange as their friend and Commander, and this loss particularly impacts and affects Levi, since he was closer with Hange than any of them. But rather than allowing his grief to consume and paralyze him, Levi immediately begins trying to contribute when Armin says he wants to go over the plan, bringing up Hange’s theory about Zeke and how killing him might stop the Rumbling, etc... Then Eren transports them to Paths, and everyone reacts with shock and awe, except Levi, who’s expression is duly unimpressed and unsurprised. We see this from Levi throughout the series, of course. Situations that present themselves, new and frightening circumstances which throw everyone for a loop and send people into panic, Levi reacts to with calm collectedness, a distinct LACK of surprise or fear. He really does stand in sharp contrast with everyone else in this situation. Everyone there is a seasoned war veteran, at this point, they’ve all been through and seen some truly horrific things. But they still react with a kind of frantic uncertainty here. They then begin to plead with Eren, Armin and the rest trying to convince him through any means possible, to stop the Rumbling. They try to bargain with him, show him empathy, make promises, etc... They make their desperation obvious by saying whatever they think will appeal to Eren. Levi is the only one who, I think, is fully honest here. He tells Eren that if he stops now, he’ll let him off with JUST an ass-kicking. Levi doesn’t try to placate Eren, or show him sympathy, or empathy, he doesn’t try to be gentle or handle Eren with kid gloves. He tells him flat out he’s going to beat his ass for what he’s done, but he’ll show him some leniency for stopping by not killing him outright. The thing is, I think Levi’s known from the start of this whole disaster that talking to Eren wasn’t going to work. Everyone else was holding out hope that if they could just speak with Eren, he would stop, that they could convince him through words. But like I talked about in my last post, Levi is someone who’s just seen and experienced too much of life’s brutality and unfairness to blind himself to bleak reality. When the 104th goes running off after Eren appears to them, to try and reach him, Levi just sits down in the sand and has that resigned expression once more, and his expression continues to show a total lack of surprise when Eren puts the 104th back where they started, before they could ever even get close. Levi isn’t surprised, or even dismayed, I don’t think, at Eren’s refusal to talk, because I think he always knew he wouldn’t be willing to. That he wouldn’t be interested in hearing anyone’s pleas or promises. I think Levi always knew Eren was hellbent on this course of action, and it was more or less hopeless, trying to appeal to him. And once again, I have to restate, I think it’s because Levi’s just experienced too much hardship in his life to cling to false hopes. He’s world-weary and in many ways a realist, someone not given to delusion or fancy.

I feel like Levi probably glimpsed this uncompromising, hellish bent in Eren back in Liberio, his mercenary compulsion to follow through on whatever plan he had, which is why Levi was so disgusted by him on the airship back then. He saw a lack of mercy in Eren, and it reminded him of the brutes Levi grew up with in the Underground. Not just a willingness, but a desire to take from others to satisfy himself. It’s why, when they’re all transported back to the plane, while everyone else looks horrified and in shock at Eren’s refusal to talk, Levi looks as unflustered as ever, and states with a matter of fact tone that negotiations are over, before asking Armin what it is they do now. None of this is surprising to Levi.

Levi’s look of despair throughout this final arc continues to strike me as his resignation in the ugliness of humanity and the useless, pointless suffering they inflict on one another. He’s depressed, and disappointed, because everything happening around them is only a confirmation of all the worst things Levi saw and experienced, growing up.

All this ties into another point I want to discuss, which is Levi’s relationship with Jean, actually. I’ve found the relationship between the two of them really interesting since way back in the Uprising arc, when Jean was the most vocal in condemning Levi for his violence, declaring with certainty that he would never kill another person. Jean is disabused of his moralistic superiority not long after that, when he learns first hand the consequences of sticking to ones morals uncompromisingly, nearly losing his life, and forcing Armin to take a life for him. And it’s Jean who we see, again and again from that point on in the series, grappling with and coming to terms with this difficult lesson. We see Jean’s respect for Levi, and his understanding towards Levi, grow greatly, after this incident, and Jean himself having to grow, to change and accept that sacrifices are inevitable if one wishes to protect the things and people they care about. That sometimes even one’s own comfort and moral convictions are necessary sacrifices to achieve those things.

Levi tells everyone that he’ll take care of Zeke, but admits that he’ll need all of their help to get the job done. I feel like this is Levi, once again, asking if all of them are ready and willing to get their hands dirty, just like he did before they raided the Cavern underneath the Church on the Reiss property. He knows he can’t do this job by himself (which is just further testament to Levi’s strength of character, an ability to admit to weakness), but he wants to make sure everyone else is alright with plunging in to a situation in which they’re going to be forced to kill. Jean is the first to answer, telling Levi and all of them that he’s not going to let the sacrifices they’ve already made, the people they’ve killed in order to get where they are, be in vain, and that he’ll do whatever it takes to stop the Rumbling. This shows incredible character growth on Jean’s part. He went from someone who claimed that he would, under no circumstances, take another human life, to someone who declares that he’ll do whatever it takes in order to stop the Rumbling, to achieve a greater good. And I think this growth on Jean’s part ties directly into his relationship with and the influence of Levi. Levi never judged Jean for being uncomfortable with killing, never criticized or scolded him for it. He even told Jean that he couldn’t say, one way or the other whether Jean’s beliefs were right or wrong. That Levi himself didn’t know the answer to that. He never tried to convince Jean of anything. He just told him the truth. That his failure to kill had put the lives of his comrades in danger, including his own, and that it also caused Armin to have to bear the burden of killing another, one which should have been Jean’s own to bear. All of that is absolutely true. And it was really through this lack of judgment on Levi’s part that, I think, Jean was able to grow and expand his own views on killing, and adjust and allow for there to be circumstances in his world view which would justify taking another life. He wasn’t forced by anyone to change his views. He changed them based on experience and through Levi explaining to him that there is no definitive right or wrong answer to be found, and through Levi’s simply being honest with him. He was telling Jean that it comes down to what one is willing to sacrifice in order to protect the things and people they value. And Jean learned about himself that he’s willing and able to sacrifice more than he ever realized.

But it’s still a struggle, and something all of them, even at this point in the story, continue to battle themselves over. We see Connie struggling in particular this chapter, looking anguished over what he had to do back at the port. It’s only Levi who accepts that brutal reality of kill or be killed with a calm understanding, and I think this is probably because, unlike the rest of them, who all had peaceful, probably relatively easy and happy childhoods, without any exposure to violence or real cruelty, Levi, I think it can be safely assumed, probably took his first life while he was still a boy. And doubtless, that was due to desperate circumstances. Levi’s life has been one filled with uncertainty. Growing up in extreme poverty, he never could have known with any certainty where his next meal would come from, or when. Never knew with any certainty whether he could find proper shelter for the night, or a safe place to sleep. Never knew with any certainty whether he would be assaulted, or robbed, or if someone would attempt to take his life. Levi’s life has been one of desperation and a true, unforgiving struggle to simply survive. And so while all of his comrades have seen and experienced the horrors of war with him, none of them can know with the same level of understanding that true kind of desperation of simply trying to live day to day, that kind of awful and overwhelming uncertainty and fear of not knowing if you’ll be alive from one day to the next. It’s those kinds of experiences in life that really separate Levi from the rest of his comrades, and in a lot of ways, isolate him from them. It’s why the extremity of their circumstances and the desperation of their situation in this final arc continually shocks and overwhelms them, but Levi regards it all with his usual, if deeply saddened, calm.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #jean krischtein #snk 133 #meta #thoughts

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