I'm writing something… and I was wondering if it would be interesting to post it when it's ready. Here's a little fragment:

When you arrived, you sat on his bed, quickly took off your sneakers, which fell with a thud to the floor.

You heard Rocket's voice from the doorway.

"Hey…"

"Hm?"

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

You were halfway through taking off your tights when the hesitation in his voice made you stop.

"Well, I'm taking my clothes off, right? what does that tell you?" you said as you smiled and tilted your head to the side in a naughtily way.

the intense narrative foiling between the death of q!tubbo and the death of q!badboyhalo.

q!tubbo’s death felt like it happened so suddenly. many of those around him didn’t even believe it was real. one second he was playing around and then for a brief instant he begged for his life and then he was gone.

q!bbh’s death felt very slow. that he himself was stretching it out for as long as possible. there was time for him to prepare and for others to realize. to have the terrible feeling of grieving someone while they’re still alive.

and that’s not to say that q!tubbo’s death was random and out of nowhere because it wasn’t. similar to q!bbh, you could see his slow path to self destruction for months. but once again, those two were foils to one another.

q!tubbo was not one to hide it. the way he would say that he wouldn’t shower or change his clothes for brief periods of time. that he would willingly let himself get hurt without a care in the world. the thought that no one would take him seriously about things and he had said that thought out loud before. he spent his last moments gambling his own life away.

q!bbh would always try to hide it. although the evidence was clearly on his face and back, he would deny deny deny until those last final days. and even then it was only to those he trusted. he let himself get hurt by the soul vultures in his own home away from everyone else. he spent his last moments alone, panicking over old memories that still hurt him.

in the end, their commonality lays in that the kids were always the first ones to realize something was wrong. that they could see that the decline was slow but meaningful to them. the two soulhunters, bound together by fighting so fiercely to protect those who were not even their own, although it led to their deaths. the realm of the living waits for their returns and misses them in the shape of eggs

Kitka (transcript + stills under cut)

i wszystko jasne a ja sie zastanawiałem, kto mi kurwa bratki rozpierdala. Kitka (meow) kitka KURWA dlaczego w bratkach, do chuja wafla

qétoiles n qbagz’ convo about his code arm + fun banter from last sunday :] english subs + transcript below da cut

[Video transcript:

Etoiles: But yesterday when he [Forever] talked to me, he was so frightened, basically he was like, ‘But one day won’t you lose your shit and want to kill the Eggs with the Code, and everything?’ Though I was telling him, ‘But the fact is, I know the Code very well’—

Baghera: Oh, so you told him you joined—?

Etoiles: No, no, no, not at all. It’s just that he has these assumptions that I’m really allied to the Code because—

Baghera: I think it’s due to your Code tattoo, also, it gives off the impression you’re in the process of transforming into a Code, Etoiles, let’s not lie.

Etoiles: That’s it, that’s it. But, basically I told him that I’ve had it since—

Baghera: But you don’t give a shit? You’re taking it well?

Etoiles: Well, yeah, I don’t give a shit because I know he’ll never beat me. Basically I—

Baghera: But you don’t give a shit about the code literally popping up over your body?

Etoiles: Well, yeah, because it’s a part of me now. It’s normal.

Baghera: How?

Etoiles: Well, after— after fighting someone 17 times, you start— you start creating links. But those links—

Baghera: But— you know that’s not how things work. Like— look, we cross paths. Right now we’re crossing paths. You see? We’re crossing paths. I kick your ass. Like, for free. You see? I see you, I’m like, ‘Bro, I don’t like his face,’ so I kick your ass.

Etoiles: But no! Because if you tell me ‘Good fight’ at the end—

Baghera: I see you again— wait, I’m not finished. I see you again like 12 times, and I tell myself, ‘Hey, I’ll do it again,’ I kick your ass again. After a while, Rayou, I won’t get diabetes!

Etoiles: Well, maybe you will, huh.

Baghera: Yes, but it’s not— it doesn’t work, like— there’s no correlation, you see!

Etoiles: You know you won’t have those cells anymore, you know, it’s possible.

Baghera: But— no— what I mean is— Etoiles! That’s now how it works! It’s worrisome! It’s normal for us to worry!

Etoiles: Well, yeah, but, uhhh. Basically, you’re all used to talking with me on the island. And you understand very well that there’s nothing able to corrupt me.

Baghera: That we don’t know, Etoiles! Because— if it’s— I know that your morality, and your enormous brain, and your big body, won’t get corrupted. But if there’s suddenly— well, what I mean is that we don’t know what all the possible systems of manipulation on the island are.

Etoiles: It’s true. No, it’s true. But for the moment I’m doing well.

Baghera: Yeah, well, so much the better. But—

Etoiles: For the moment I’m doing well!

Baghera: If you feel any change, Etoiles, mention it, okay?

Etoiles: Oh, I’ll talk about it. But for the time being I’m doing very well.

Baghera: So I can understand peoples’ fear upon seeing you LITERALLY transform into a Code and who tell themselves, ‘Oh, strange, maybe there’s a thing with the Codes.’

Etoiles: It’s true but who can better know the dangers of the Code than someone who’s confronted it his whole life? Instead of someone who—

Baghera: I’m well aware.

Etoiles: No but it’s— it’s— it’s for that reason that I told Forever. I totally understand the fear and everything, it’s normal. You see a dude turning into a Code, you ask yourself, ‘What’s the guy who sent him doing?’

Baghera: Well, yeah, there you go.

Etoiles: Like, ‘Who sent him?’

Baghera: But you don’t feel any different? Nothing?

Etoiles: Absolutely not, no. Everything is going well. I still hate the Code whenever I see him, I still want to kick his ass. Everything’s fine. Even if right now I want him—

Baghera: But you join up with them when he suggests it, yeah. Well, it’s to get the shield back.

Etoiles: It was just for the shield, believe me. Believe me, if I run into them again- if I run into them again and they don’t offer me things to save the Eggs and everything, it’s goodbye. And considering what I’ve prepared— considering what I’ve prepared, I objectively think that 5 Codes won’t be enough to kill me. There’ll need to be 10 of them.

Baghera: They might bring 10, huh.

Etoiles: Yeah, well, then again, we have time.

Baghera: Well, in any case, they don’t want to kill you anymore since you’re working with them.

Etoiles: Well, in fact, we’re not really— actually— I don’t really know what he’s thinking. Because the last time we talked I told them, ‘But if you lay even a finger on the Eggs, I’ll kick your fucking asses, you sacks of shit.’ And they left, and they didn’t answer me.

Baghera: Then again, they’re a bit cryptic, the Codes, you know.

Etoiles: Yeah, but normally they— I managed to talk with them a bit, so— so I don’t know. Personally, I’m telling you—

Baghera: Okay, no, what I mean is that I understand why when people see you they think, ‘Maybe it’s possible he’s getting a little bit corrupted by the Codes.’

Etoiles: No but yeah, yeah, I totally get it. But honestly, never. Never in a million years.

Baghera: I believe you! I trust you. But if there’s— if once you feel any difference or something of the sort, you mention it, okay? To whomever you want, but you mention it.

Etoiles: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (10000x)

Baghera: You know you’re not very reassuring when you say that, as an answer.

Etoiles: That’s true. But I’m telling you there’s no problem. And— actually. The moment I start feeling strange, I’ll put numbers. And so you’ll have to come get me.

Baghera: Okay, okay. I’ll remember that.

Etoiles: Just that. But I— I— yeah. I whisper in the Code’s ear.

Baghera: The day you start talking to me in binary, there’ll be an issue, basically.

Etoiles: The day I say, ‘10001’, that’s it. But actually, I’m telling you, I could never be corrupted because I have AVAST, my wool block which blocks viruses.

Baghera: That’s real, that’s real.

end video transcript.]

One thing that I always disliked about how people approach mental illness was to frame it as a grand battle, a battle you can lose to.

Obviously, this type of thinking absolutely gets applied to people who have gone through cancer, but I leave it to people affected by cancer to articulate how they feel about this, because it's absolutely not in my lane to talk about that part of this conversation. I talk about mental health because people (at least where I am at) also apply the logic to mental illness - especially if one has "lost" their battle.

It especially bothers me because in many cases, people conceptualize battle as something wherein both parties are full participants, that one participant can only win. Do you commemorate and respect the people who lose battles? Often not.

I know that many times, people use battle euphemisms in order to preserve dignity and (somehow) imply that the illness isn't their fault, but I just don't personally resonate with the idea that illness is something you "win" or "lose" at, that winning means something Grand, Big, and it's something which good people achieve. In my personal experience, it can feel like a battle, but it's completely different in how it operates as a "battle."

Comprehensive Trigun Stampede Timeline

(With sources and references!) I will use the abbreviations EY to stand for Earth Year and PE to stand for Planet Era, the calendar and year system used by No Man's Land. I will use ~ in front of a date to indicate that it's not concrete but is about that time.

This should hopefully be a comprehensive timeline for TriStamp. I've done my best to comb through both the series as well as some of the extras from Studio Orange on Twitter, and I will provide sources/pictures as well as reasoning where relevant. So onto the actual timeline starting with.....

~EY 2256 - Project SEEDS leaves earth - based on Rem saying that it has been about 200 years since they left Earth and in that scenes the boys look like they do after at least a year old.

EY 2405 May 3rd - Tesla is born

EY 2455 July 21st - Vash and Nai are born

EY 2456 July 21st - Vash and Nai's first birthday

~ EY 2456 - The Big Fall - due to the fact that Vash and Nai still look about the same age it is either the same year or pretty close to it when the Big Fall happens

~ EY 2461 - When Vash runs away from Home to confront Nai and he gets his arm cut off. Brad says it had been 5 years since the Big Fall.

PE 00 November 1st (~ EY 2502) - The first city November is established as well as the Planet Era Calendar. Based on Vash, Nai, Luida, and Brad all saying it has been about 150 years since the Fall at the time the actual episodes take place, the math works out to this happening about 46 years after the big fall. This information comes from Studio Orange's twitter where they posted some extra world building info.

PE 00 December (~ EY 2502) - 2nd city December is established

PE 01 July (~ EY 2503) - 3rd city July is established (RIP your theme song slapped)

PE 01-02 (~ EY 2503-2504) - The rest of the seven cities of Augusta, Octovern, May, and September are established

~ PE 79 (~ EY 2581) - Rollo is taken and Eye of Michael-ed. Based on a combination of what Roberto and Conrad say in episode 5. Conrad says in the flash back after Rollo has been experimented on that he is the first to survive for 5 whole years. And then Roberto later says its been about 20 years since the town was abandoned aka since Rollo came back as Monev the Gale and wrecked the place. Roberto says the 20 years comment when looking at the state of the house and before finding the photo of Vash and bby Rollo.

PE 81 (~ EY 2583) - Meryl is born! This also helps us establish the year the episodes take place as Meryl was born in 81, is 23 years old, and just finished college in 103 which you can just make out at the bottom of the screen. (23 + 81 = 104) Meaning the majority of the episodes themselves take place in PE 104

~ PE 84 (~ EY 2586) - Rollo comes back to the windmill town as Monev the Gale and wrecks the place.

PE 99 - PE 103 (~ EY 2601 – 2605) - Meryl is in college!

PE 104 May 25th (~ EY 2606) - We finally get to Episode 1! Meryl and Roberto find Vash half dead and he has the duel with the military police! As stated earlier we have determined the year based on Meryl's resume.

PE 104 May 25th/26th - Episode 2/3 happens. This episode may either be the same day as episode 1 or it could be the next day as there is multiple ways to determine the timing. First way: As Vash is attempting to leave Roberto does say "Wait... You told me this morning." when asking who Vash is seemingly running away from. This would indicate that it is the same day as episode 1 since that is when Vash first tells them about Knives. Second way: Episodes 2/3 take place the next day as in the intro sequence while Vash is cleaning his gun it is night outside as shown by the window in his room, and later on we see it is day and we know it is a window as when Vash is leaving you can see the light outside. I personally still think this is the case since the town people have also had a chance to get together and plan Vash's capture, and when Roberto is referring to the morning that could be referring to the interview he and Meryl were doing with him in the bar.

PE 104 May 29th/30th - Episode 4 happens. The radio states it has been 3 days since Jeneora Rock.

PE 104 May/June/July - Sometime in this period episode 5 happens. I suspect towards the mid/end of July since Vash and Wolfwood are still upset with each other over Rollo during the start of episode 6. (@ StudioOrange what happened during their off screen road trip we wanna know)

PE 104 ~ July 20th - Episodes 6/7 happen. The timing on this is entirely based on how long Vash remains passed out in Home before waking up, but at least one day passes from 6/7 to Vash's very bad no good day that is episodes 8/9/10/11/12 since it goes from day on 6 to sunset on 7, and then back to day when Vash wakes on the ship.

PE 104 July 21st - Episodes 8/9/10/11/12 aka Vash goes to Soup day aka the twin's 151st bday or thereabouts. We know for sure it was July 21st thanks to Nai giving his bro the worst bday present ever and the radio announcer confirming the date explicitly during the anniversary for the epilogue.

PE 106 July 21st (~ EY 2608) - Episode 12 epilogue happens as stated by the radio announcer.

BONUS: SE 110 June 2nd (~ EY 2612) - Now this is an interesting date, as this is the "effective" date listed on Wolfwood's pastor contract.

We do know for sure however that the date June 2nd SE110 cannot equal June 2nd PE110, and equal the current day and year, as this happens on July 21st. It also cannot be the date Wolfwood is sent after Vash as they meet up May 29/30th, and even if that date is wrong (like if more than a day passes between episodes 1 and 2 somehow), if the year was 110 then Meryl would be 29 years old, very much not a fresh out of college newbie since we know she also graduated in 103.

General theorizing from myself and the wonderful people who have commented on this post and on others post seem to align with SE possibly meaning Sinners Era and being slightly off from the Planet Era year system the rest of the planet uses.

For my personal theorizing, the closest match to this date is if SE110 is equivalent to PE104 (so a six year difference between year systems), and an extra 3 days happen between Episodes 1 and 2/3, then it may be the day Wolfwood was sent after Vash. It could also be that we are making the incorrect assumption that they are using the Earth calendar with Earth calendar month lengths. If May is 28 days then that would place Episode 4 on June 1st with my current timeline which would be even closer.

In summary: The important part is that Vash, Wolfwood, Meryl, and Roberto spend a total of about 2 months traveling together between May 25th and July 21st. And I have no fucking clue what's going on with Wolfwood's contract.

people need to stop misgendering seam in my notes please.

in-game, seam never once used he/him pronouns or was referred to as a man or any masculine term—that is entirely a fandmade concept. same goes for she/her pronouns and feminine terms, though i’ve only known maybe two people ever to do that. the closest thing to a gendered term we have is seam’s personal pronoun in the japanese translation, but even that has historically been used by both binary genders.

dialogue describing seam in-game seems to purposely exclude pronouns, particularly the royal coat rack’s “there wasn’t any interest.” in a stream, toby once corrected someone who referred to seam as “he” by saying “they are a good character.”

seam uses they/them or no pronouns. or if you want to use it/its or neos that’s cool too. but using she/her or he/him is misgendering. this isn’t an attack—seam is tragically not a fan favorite so a lot of people just don’t know—but i would really love if whenever a seam post of mine got a ton of notes it didn’t have a bunch of he/hims mixed in.

Okay, hi omg xdd this is my first EVER ask on tumblr, i've never done this before, so pls bear with me 😭😭

Anyway, this won't leave my mind at all, but today at work i was listening to What's Your Pleasure? by Jessie Ware and i started imagining Wriothesley in an 80s AU in a dance/disco typa thing 👀

So Wrio x reader in an 80s AU??

(No pressure tho! U don't have to write this if u don't want to!)

But yesh, this has been on my mind for hours and i wanted to get it off my chest 😔😔 Love your oneshots, keep up the amazing work!! 💖💖

Hey honey !! Thank you for sharing, and im so so sooo honored to be on the receiving end of your first ever ask! ♡♡

Hmm, truth be told, I'm not super duper familiar with an 80s AU, butttt 👀 very quickly, a thought off of the top of my head, is that I can definitely see Wriothesley being one of those cool guys who drives a motorbike and has a swanky leather jacket, and who always picks you up right on time to bring you to the disco. He waits down the street from your house, careful to stay out of your parents' line of sight (because you both know how they'd get on your case if they see you leaving the house with him!) and always always always compliments whatever outfit you've got on for the night, holding you down and dipping you into a kiss before whisking you away on his motorcycle.

And truth be told, the disco isn't really his vibe. Not initially, not until he met you. He much preferred spending his time on the streets, maybe in an underground boxing ring, wasting his time away. But ever since he met you and he listened to you ramble on and on about how fun those dance clubs are, he decides, to hell with it, what does he have to lose? and he comes with you.

He's not much of a dancer himself, preferring to stay by the sidelines on a table, watching over your drinks, but when he sees you dance that first time? He's hooked. The way you move your body to the beat, the way you groove and let yourself loose like you haven't a care in the world— the way you smile so brightly and you laugh so loudly that he swears that he can hear you from all the way over here. Tha's what hooks him into bringing you to the club whenever you ask him. That's what has him coming back with you every single time.

a (criminally quick) sketch of milla in red for today's milla appreciation day!!!

hey just letting you know that desertfox555 (who you rb’d) is a wincest shipper

Good for them? I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to do with this information

Before we start not reading, not researching, & jumping to conclusions via reblogs & things with the speed per capital society we live in, where is it sourced specifically (that isn't a tumblr post or a tiktok without citations) that the Trevor Project is in support of KOSA?

We have sources for GLAAD, GLSEN, and PFLAG (August 24, 2023), but I wanna know where the rest of this info comes from. Pretty convenient to say that an organization known for helping trans youth is in support of a shitty bill amidst all the ongoing chaos, especially when we live in an age of misinformation.

If anyone could link it to me, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Update: Okay so yeah this is kinda suspect, The Trevor Project in July 25, 2022 is all for KOSA here.

Too sleepy for this (all things)

Treat me ~ Tip me

I dunno if you've answered this before, but do you draw digitally or traditionally? I'm pretty sure you've posted traditional art but I'm just so in love with your pencil strokes regardless I'm amazed either way

Oh no it's all good! I don't think I've been asked that directly before. But that said, I primarily draw traditionally. The only times I draw digitally is when I make those thick-lined chibi arts or the ones that are obviously done in MS paint. Otherwise, everything is traditionally drawn and any coloring is done digitally.

This may also be a good time to clarify that I use a ballpoint pen and not a pencil-- apparently a lot of folks here have also tagged my stuff thinking my works are in the latter medium. I hope this way I am able to help with any confusion!

Seee if nobody else got me I know @zeravmeta got me. Please please pleaseee….I…insane clown p-ussy...

I think in his interactions w Anyone really. he needs to be read as pretentiously playing the “devil you know.” Like, as you mentioned here for Jeanne this takes the form of like, an unhinged desperate man turning to her for forgiveness. But he changes his personality up a bit w everyone he talks to in a way that mirrors their perceived insecurities. All of its genuinely Him because he has a strong personality, but he also has very strong paralels to every character I can think about him having any sustained interaction w. I can’t even really get into all of them cuz I’d be here forever but I’ll rant a bit about some scenes he has w Jeanne, mash, the one valentines scene w Kama, his general shtick w nursery rhyme. And how murder at the kogetsukan is actually imo important to understanding who he is at heart.

The thing is in each case I can think of where he does this, the reality is he’s more similar to the person he’s trying to disturb than the person whose evil behavior he’s imitating. Or is equally similar to both and kind of bridges the theological gap between them a bit maybe. Like, w jeanne, it’s not just that he’s behaving like Gilles, he is also situationally a lot like Jalter, he himself is some weird horny old man’s botched lab experiment out to avenge himself and others like him, but also, his approach to this feels more abstract and inhuman than Jalter , more adjascent to jeanne herself, and I think that’s meaningful bc she sort of theologically distances herself from Jalter but here is a guy who is batshit in both ways. He enacts good will through force of evil deeds which distance him from being able to hold normal relationships, the type of morality I don’t think Jeanne who holds tight to goodness for goodness sake, or even most normal people, can really begin to comprehend, but it’s also, the same way others can’t comprehend her insistence that she’d hold tight to goodness no matter what is done to her. Both are simultaneously, totally reasonable for latching onto the abstract concepts of good and evil within their own perspective. But totally incomprehensible to anyone who isn’t also. like that. Sure Mephy may have the “selfish” Jalter adjacent motives of a victim lashing out to avenge himself in an undignified attempt to gain dignity. But also, like, fatalistic understanding of the will of god as something he serves at his own expense, means he kind of is a saint and martyr in his own weird way. When I say serving the will of god I don’t mean happily so, he even says to guda he wants to help them kill god, bc. Well, he’s the worst Big Daddy upstairs of them all. But he’s still a big daddy who can smite you like an insect, so you have to play by his rules. Mephy wants to make everyone think he’s evil, bc he wants to become a real devil, bc that’s what he thinks he exists to be, what will give him power to avenge himself, and so he’s purposely denigrating himself to an inhuman construct to achieve it, and a portion of the audience apparently buys it, bc just being an arrogant asshole dressed like a creepy clown is enough to rub a lot of people the wrong way. But imo he holds a similar type of arrogance as Jeanne’s in this regard. He’s holding himself to an impossible standard of both good and evil so he kind of had the right to call it out in her even if he’s a hypocrite, which he is in every interaction w everyone. And also, even the parallel to Gilles has multi tiered meaning, since Faust is often portrayed as a child abuser, and so is mephisto in the Goethe play, and he sort of ends said play lamenting his obsession w innocence and purity and inability to ever possess it being his downfall... and like, our Mephy, i would guess, despite the conflicting framing of him, probably doesn’t want to become that, but might sort of think this is his natural disposition or fate, simply bc the things he’s implied about Faust or at least how he perceives him. So only Jeanne can save him from becoming and committing evil like that right? But like. No. She can’t. Bc he’s not her devil. And she shouldn’t even really be held responsible for Gilles, or any other unhinged guy needing her forgiveness. Mephy is pointing out how many people approach her w this whim that she can make them fucking normal if she just hits them hard in the head w a brick. This is normal to her but it’s pitiful it’s normal and she accepts it as such, which he probably wants her to admit, bc his repeated theme across these interactions is that he just wants people to be happy and reject creeps like him, but tells them in the cruelest way possible. which brings me to. Mash!! Bc it paralels his behavior towards her too.

When he first meets Mash in garden of order, he says a bunch of things that are brought back as specific notes of contention within her dynamic w Beryl during the lostbelts (and also Pepe and Kadoc to some degree) He says he’s like her big brother in an attempt to get her guard down, which Fujimaru chips in instead of letting it fly as ironic or cruel like yeah yeah, you’re like her big brother, encouraging him in a positive way bc Fujimaru believes in everyone’s capacity to be equals, flying in the face of mephistos assumptions Fujimaru only likes mash bc her lack of agency and rebelliousness, so they would consequently hate him for being. Not a nice sweet submissive person. This is true of Mash in this point of the story, she has little agency in the earlier chapters, and if you understand his character you understand he actually relates to this and is genuinely horrified on her behalf, but is phrasing it more like it’s in a pitiful inconvenience than w the kindness it actually needs to be said, the same thing kadoc did which is why I point out it’s not just beryl even if it’s mostly beryl.

Bc he also says he watched his roommate repeatedly sever the arms of his family members every night, and due to his conditioning by Faust sacrificing humans (supposedly to aid in his creation) doesn’t know if this is done as an act of abuse or love, specifically adjascent to what beryl does to her and what she asks after. At this point in the story you haven’t met Beryl, but Mash still clearly dislikes this, she becomes visibly uncomfortable and for a short bit after that is slightly hesitant towards mephisto, but she also like, gets over it really quickly after she sees him attack his “bad” selves, stepping in to be like, oh, ok, I see you are trying to become a better person despite having been mislead and used as a proxy for other peoples violence. She Gets it. She’s the first to sort of commit to the repeated theme w Mephy, that everyone he attempts to harass is actually hesitantly accepting and compassionate towards him and willing to relate to him, he’s the one who most struggles to accept this possibility of having normal loved ones who care and understand him and not just bc they are naive and mislead by him. Bc if everyone trusts him not due to naïveté but due to recognition of everything he embodies. He loses power as a (theoretical) devil. He is obviously, regardless of his status as a know it all, mostly just a petulant traumatized child, with no real power over anyone. That’s both the sad and hopeful thing. Power is bad for him, it’s the corrupting force which will help him actualize into a real devil. But conversely he’s the easiest villain to defeat and in some ways purposefully so, because deep in his heart he doesn’t actually want to win. He just wants to be innocent, if someone does not give him any power over them by reacting with violence or hate, he utterly flounders. Devils only exist if you will them too, but nobody here wants the devil, they want Mephy to be whoever Mephy actually is, some sort of, weird pathetic clown guy who is sort of sweet and sort of an asshole? and that’s incredibly agonizing to him bc he doesn’t know who the fuck that is without Faust. He has very little personhood outside of Faust and yet constantly boasts his independence and freedom, for understandable reasons.

Preoccupation with avenging lost innocence is a good segueway to the valentines scene with Kama I think. Also note, I use Kama and Sakura sort of interchangeably here but I recognize they still separate characters. To me this scene reads as the character Kama wanting to offer something nice to the character child Sakura. But I sort of mush them together when discussing them.

IMO if you don’t understand these characters backstories still haunt them, this scene might fly totally past the radar as anything important, because Kama is trying to downplay her engagement in any of these scenes, so it’s played for silly and awkward in context. But that’s just any scene Mephy is in, and you have to look past it for what it really is. Kama is pretending to be a child at the park w her dad, sort of, mimicking maybe one of the last happy memories of childhood Sakura has, and Mephy is clearly here to play the villain, he doesn’t even really have to Try to be sakuras devil bc he’s already at glance an amalgamation of the worst traits of all the family members who hurt her but. Also. He’s a stranger,,, or more so, they sort of imply they concocted this scenario ahead of time and are just really bad actors motivated by the same wants, who are using each other as pawns for each others evil ends (showing the hypocrisy central to their approach).

However. Your feelings of dread are kind of mitigated by the obvious fact no one here wants to play out a depraved or traumatic scenario bc it clearly hits them too close to home. I think the implication given by their backstories is they are waiting to see if you are a creepy or innept dad towards child kama, because Mephy as we know from how he talks about Vicky Frank in London, is basically itching to smash literally every shitty dads shitty face in. but of course guda isn’t a shitty dad, so they’re left w nothing but a really awkward setup they’re trying to play off as meaningless that kinda screams like, this isnt meaningless and petty at all actually, both really wish their fucking parental figures had taken them to oniland instead of committing human rights violations. They did not get to have normal childhoods and so they implicitly. want this nice little fantasy to play out for child Sakura. without phrasing it as such bc that kind of open admission of vulnerability is forbidden, so mephisto, as usual, will play the villain to his dying breath, bc he won’t ever directly admit he’s traumatized. Neither will Kama of course, but this is -their- valentines scene, which necessitates them revealing more than he does. It goes to show how hard mephisto will self denigrate until the other party confronts their inner demons, and that’s bc the clown in him that exists to be humiliated and despised, which Kama has to give in to bc a god of love can only go so far in that capacity. So it feels like Kama is both. Irritated by the pretentiousness of this . He ends up being less like shinji or his father or zouken and more like Kariya, and that’s still shitty and traumatizing in its own way. Mephisto prefaces this scene as him being creepy but what he’s really doing is going oh poor baby whatever you’re going through is more important than having my own similar problems be understood. And of all things, that’s what fucks this scene up. She’s trying to brush off why this scenario or any of these scenarios exist bc she’s never dealt w this pain and assumed she could preface all of this w ironic detatchment. But still! Going to a park is something kariya and her mom used to do w her and her sister, showing she might not have actually totally forgotten what this type of thing means and holds sentimental attatchemt to the idea of it (a theme park just ups the ante and the fantasy aspect of it) But also do you really think Kama would admit they want this sort of sentimental thing unironically? So Mephy the clown must prove he is a worse more traumatized asshole than Kama , so she can admit by proxy she just wants to act like a normal innocent kid for a day, she doesn’t have to thank him for this role or even care about him, but she still points out hes not evil, that he does this as a pretentious part of being what he is, and she focuses on the one thing that’s Not familiar. Clown. he’s sticking to the act of a horrible despicable clown, even on Valentine’s Day, bc hes a very pathetic man scared of being loved, and would probably sooner die than admit that. kama does the big person thing, accepts the shallow pretense they brought you here w for the paradoxical depth it has, this is a normal scenario of a little girl at the theme park with her dad, who had a brush in with a creepy clown and just wants to feel protected and loved. Both of them are too detatched to tell Why you any of this was necessary, it’s the context of what they’ve said and done before now you need to read into, It actually makes me really sad to think about.

Also this is why I’m convinced Mephy is concious and self aware in murder at the kogetsukan. Even the naming convention and setup follows everything you see from the established patterns of interactions, the names of the violet family have a lot of biblical conventions which feel too convoluted to ignore the symbolism of. (Also, that dancing with Eve and Lilith is something he and Faust do in the play, and gorgon taking Margaret’s face in the same scene, there’s just a lot of weird little meta bits in here) Mephy’s character is named Cain, which imo gives him an excuse to break the fourth wall 4th wall and literally just be a self possessed actor rather than narratively lacking self awareness. Named after Gods grandson, whom God dismisses because his sacrifice of plant instead of meat is deemed less significant, and so he becomes possessed by the devil and enraged, and imo this is paraleling mephistos preoccupation w his doll body, how it implicitly makes him feel inherently objectified and worthless and inhuman. Like. Valentines day he gives you a pet which will explode and simulate artificial death, and tells you he wants you to see it as a mascot more worthy than fou. Or when you give him chocolate he’s like (clown screech) my heart valve is pumping. Constantly reminding you he isn’t human and feels awful about it. He thinks his own life and death is meaningless because he is artificial which is why he’s a self sacrificing individual. While maybe not concious and self aware. Ignore everything Moriarty says abt the faces not being significant? They are, Lancelot is cast as and is subsequently the perfect father to this stand in for mephisto bc he’s also struggling w these same feelings and told it all to kariya back in fate zero, and he’s worried he’s a bad dad who would objectify or traumatize his kid, something you see Moriarty needle him for in grand carnival albeit played for laughs at the fact that usually Lancelot is the one who ends up objectified, but Moriarty is also someone who needles peoples trauma when trying to help them. But Lancelot’s like, not what people assume him to be, he’s a genuinely loving person, and so is his character by proxy, so the second “Cain” realizes this, he has a massive sentimental breakdown where he says he loves his family and wants to save them, and I think this is important not to distance the characters 100% from the npcs in this moment bc it shows major facets of Mephisto and Lancelot that often get ignored or misunderstood, and lets mephisto actually commit to his genuine issue of just wanting a dad who loves him normally and showcases that Lancelot actually is so good he wouldn’t care if he’s in a family unit wher he’s a cuckold or his kid is a crazy loser like him, the things people sort of assume he’s preoccupied w being like the possession of another man’s wife or having the perfect child, but like, no, he genuinely just wants to love the people he’s with in the moment but is hesitant to attempt it. the event isn’t totally uncorrelated to the faces the npcs have at all. For some people at least (Mephy, Lancelot, Moriarty, and Mordred off the top of my head) all had some deep seated desire or other fulfilled by this scenario . (Sherlock npc dies, mordred npc has a dick) I can’t really rationalize the others but these 4 at least are super obvious, and it’s part of why I want to “blame” mephisto bc I think out of everyone his reasons for wanting this and ability to put it into place as a mythological wish granter who concocts dreams, makes the most sense motive wise, and also, the deadly fever guda falls under as well as the fantasy concocted are both things mephistos poison is capable of in faust. But I might be missing something, it’s possible like the drama Cd or something I don’t remember revealed a culprit behind the “it was all a dream” thing, but I just think it’s notable that for mephisto there is no barrier between dreams and reality.

Also I should probably mention the importance of his dynamic w nursery rhyme mirroring the absense of what he and Kama don’t have? She calls him uncle mephy and is clearly like, trying to talk him out of his nihilistic suicidal outlook of reality. Bc well whatever, they are both helpless broken dolls but also, she has reason to form sentimental attatchment to clowns, they -are- familiar to her, Faust was one of the first plays put on by pantomime, clown theatre, as was the goose that laid the golden egg, a story about sacrificing something loyal to you so you can reap the immediate benefits of its labor. and I think the latter was one of the performances where mother goose went from a folklore figure to having a canon physical appearance (and you can see as of fgo she still does not, she’s still using Alice’s appearance) and there’s even more nameplay going on w the paralels to kariya she’s invoking w the uncle Mephy shtick making them like kariya and Sakura, kariyas name means “wild goose” and being sent on a wild goose chase is a euphemism for becoming lost in pursuit of something you desire. Mephy doesn’t seem to accept anything in reality as anything but nonsense and farce, yet he constantly imbues every attempt at nonsense and trivializing peoples problems w a huge load of painful sincerity. mother goose is, itself, a book of mostly nonsense. But its sentimental purpose as a familiar children’s book and folklore brushes against his, saying “you have a home here” something he’s obviously in severe denial of wanting but also manages to make 90% of his personality. Mephisto at the start of faust is literally just a lost dog looking for a home. @zeravmeta mentioned how little of Mephy is even allowed to be himself, and he exists mostly through others and like, yeah! There’s more paralels than there is Mephy at a certain point. every “joke” scene Mephy is in is actually majorly sad and fucked up the moment you take a minute to dissect it. Bc he’s convinced trauma makes him funny, when it only paradoxically makes him funny by sheer force of how unfunny he is.

Alright first, apparently it’s “class” rather than specie, second of all, I would have drawn snapdragon for this but his hair is giving me big issues, so I will wait till I redesign the hair or learn how to draw it, and third of all this is a character that appears in the background a lot, so I thought to add her as a third or second year student

if you like silly minecrafters i have a series for you: the purge smp!!

what’s the purge smp?

the purge smp was a minecraft smp that ran from january 2021 to around march 2021, it’s lifespan being short due to a loss of interest from some of those involved.

this smp, which was created by basicallyidowrk and fourzer0seven, had teams of three spend each week gathering resources and preparing their bases for the weekly purge, where any and all crime would be legal.

the purge would happen every friday and lasted for one hour (with the exception of the first week’s purge which lasted 2 hours). the only exception to this was the destruction of buildings at spawn that were granted immunity, such as the courthouse of schmeg. they also used proximity chat!

the teams (except one) had colored nametags and a few of them had team names, including:

pork patties (light green)- i am wildcat, daithi de nogla, terroriser

(orange) - moo snuckel, basicallyidowrk, fourzer0seven

team sickos (dark red) - chilledchaos, shubble, zeroroyalviking

(black) - petezahhutt, notmystic7, jtgily

bearfists and the other guy (white) - smii7y, kryozgaming, blarg

the crew (light blue) - kyrsp33dy, sidearms4reason, thedeluxe4

(yellow) - bigpuffer, elasticdroid, grizzy

(red) - kruzadar, taydertot, toastfps

(purple) - racingcatz, slackatk, azn_purefatal

(dark green) - iamtrevormay, miltontpike1 [also played a character called “schmeg”], legiqn_

(pink) - blakecissel, hitchariide, jorgesummertime

some recognizable mcyts that were involved are shubble and petezahhutt!

there were also guests on the server, who were not (or weren’t supposed to be) affiliated with any team. these people consist of vanossgaming (reporter for the purge smp; has an obvious bias for the pork patties) and noahj456 (might be wrong about noah, but i’m honestly not sure if he’s teamed with anyone or not)

my personal favorite pov is smii7y’s (who has two videos, one of the first day and the other being the first purge) but for a longer watch i’d reccomend wildcat’s pov!

there’s also this playlist that has a bunch of the purge smp videos and stream vods along with some clips, funny moments, and animatics from the smp :]

most of the members have made videos and streamed the purge smp! while some streams are still available (such as a few of nogla’s), others like pete’s i unfortunately haven’t been able to find anywhere

also, i plan to post the last three of smii7y’s purge smp vods somewhere (maybe youtube) since i saved them last year :D so i’ll post a link when i do that

if anyone has any questions about the server or anything i talked about, feel free to send a message to me or my inbox and i’ll answer it to the best of my ability!! :D