people need to stop misgendering seam in my notes please.

in-game, seam never once used he/him pronouns or was referred to as a man or any masculine term—that is entirely a fandmade concept. same goes for she/her pronouns and feminine terms, though i’ve only known maybe two people ever to do that. the closest thing to a gendered term we have is seam’s personal pronoun in the japanese translation, but even that has historically been used by both binary genders.

dialogue describing seam in-game seems to purposely exclude pronouns, particularly the royal coat rack’s “there wasn’t any interest.” in a stream, toby once corrected someone who referred to seam as “he” by saying “they are a good character.”

seam uses they/them or no pronouns. or if you want to use it/its or neos that’s cool too. but using she/her or he/him is misgendering. this isn’t an attack—seam is tragically not a fan favorite so a lot of people just don’t know—but i would really love if whenever a seam post of mine got a ton of notes it didn’t have a bunch of he/hims mixed in.

thanks for posting a free link to that trans article, i would love to hear some of your expanded thoughts/reactions on the piece if you ever had the time. you always are posting well spoken real shit man

Haha thanks dude. Tbh I thought it was a great article, I think it spoke a lot of truth that a lot of trans guys are afraid of confronting either because of their own fear of what the subconcious mind is capable of, and honestly it's nice to see another trans guy who's sympathetic to what turns young boys into incels / right wingers instead of shrugging it off and painting it as "cis man behavior", as if we're not all pretty active participants in patriarchy and internalize a lot of that thinking whether we benefit from it or not (some cases worse than others, there's a difference between a guy who refers to women as "females" and dudes who shoot up schools cus their crush rejected them.)

I also liked how he refers to himself as a boy getting hazed by other boys instead of doing the whole "AFAB socialized" thing. Not every guy has to fall in line with binary thought in context of their transitions but I think the former perspective sheds light on how the way trans men are treated by their cis male peers isn't really that unique to trans men at all, it happens to nonwhite guys in big groups of white people and neurodivergent guys in big groups of neurotypical guys, and, fuck it even happens to like, straight guys who dress goth and still sleep with stuffed animals. I like that he ties it all in with the oppression of trans women too and how it others them from womanhood in some weird shitty impulse a lot of guys have to misgender themselves in order to avoid accountability. I think it's important to identify how hate movements start and how all struggles are connected and I think the writer does a good job of conveying that while also putting emphasis on how trans men's experiences under patriarchy are still unique, just like a black or Asian dude's are.

Tbh though I don't necessarily relate to or agree with the whole "being wary of men despite being one" thing. Just kinda makes me roll my eyes. Idk when guys are dipshits to / around me I either tell them to shut up or stop hanging out with them. I've done it to friends and family, I once walked out on a job in the middle of a shift cus both of my male bosses were assholes and one was an annoying pervert on top of it. I'm stubborn and confrontational by nature so it's kinda annoying seeing this sort of universal helplessness everywhere in trans guy spaces, despite living as men full time and especially from guys who spent most of their pre transition days complaining about men not holding other men accountable and spend most of their current transition (rightfully) talking about being self made men who choose their own destiny, so I'm kinda over it. That's no fault or flaw of OP's though that's just my opinion.

I also honestly don't care if misogyny is different whether it's a trans or cis guy doing it, I don't care if we don't "benefit" from doing it, I don't care if it's a trauma response, a lot of shitty people have trauma and use it as an excuse to be assholes, I don't care if they're cis or trans, a dick is a dick. Misogyny is a concious decision and it's the wrong one. Again I appreciate him explaining where the hatred comes from and I suppose a bit of elaboration is necessary to garner sympathy from the types of people who like to paint trans men as uniquely misogynistic but I don't think we need to coddle these guys anymore, especially when 4 years prior they were complaining about cis dudes who do the same shit. Not only are they assholes, they're also hypocrites, and I don't have the patience or sympathy for it.

None of that was a big enough deal to not reblog though, it's still a great article and OP made some wonderful insightful points, it was nice to just see a trans guy be honest instead of telling everyone what they wanna hear. Trans guys really like doing that for some reason.

So I looked through a detransition blog just out of curiosity, since it was one you reblogged, but now I’m super... freaked out? I have a top surgery consultation in April but now I have this weird fear that I’m faking it or that I’ll regret it afterwards. I’ve identified as somewhere along non-binary and trans (he/they!) for over a year, and I’ve known I’m not a girl for even longer, but now I’m just so afraid that maybe I don’t know myself at all. Do you have any advice on what this is?

Lee says:

Discussing your feelings with a therapist can sometimes help you untangle the anxiety from everything else. It’s reasonable to have some apprehension about a major surgery that can have a big impact on your life because it is a big change- and like any other surgery, it also has medical risk and can result in complications. 

And reading about other people’s feelings about their surgeries can be helpful! I do recommend reading things from people who were happy with the outcome and reading things from people who weren't to get a better perspective on the range of experiences that can exist. Only reading the negative or the positive doesn’t provide a balanced view!

But even if you read other people’s stories, and talk to them about why they feel the way they do about their choices and bodies, nobody else can tell you what you should do for yourself. Even a therapist can’t know for sure if you will regret surgery (or anything else that you choose to do) because nobody can see into the future, see into your heart, and see into mind simultaneously to and determine for certain what it is that you need. 

As soon as I came out as non-binary when I was 15, I started saving money for top surgery. I was someone who ran towards top surgery at full tilt and I didn’t give myself any space for doubt about whether it was the right choice for me because I felt it was the only choice I had-- forwards or nothing. I was pretty severely depressed at the time and had a brief hospitalization the month before I turned 18, and I was sort of pinning all my hopes on top surgery reducing my dysphoria and booting out my depression. So I scheduled my consultation as soon as I turned 18 and was legally an adult and could do so without parental permission. I immediately scheduled my surgery for the soonest available date, and had inverted-T incision top surgery about 3 months after I turned 18.

Now I’m 21 years old, and I’m 3 years and 5 months post-op from my top surgery. 

In retrospect, top surgery was 110% the right choice for me. If I could do it all over again, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Top surgery really did reduce my dysphoria by a significant amount, and that made it easier for me to cope with my depression and other mental health issues. I was proudly parading around the house shirtless as soon as I was able to stop using post-op compression, before my incisions had even healed into scars.

I don’t have any dysphoria about my chest anymore, especially now that I’ve gotten tattoos to cover my scars. I finally feel like I look like how I always knew I was meant to look.

I don’t post pictures of my chest anymore because I have distinguishing tattoos but I’ve posted a few before/after pictures when I was 3 years post-op and I think things have only gotten better now.

I was lucky to not have any complications; I don’t have any nerve pain, and hypertrophic or keloid scarring, and I didn’t need any revisions. But there are some things that are non-ideal compared to if I had just been born with a typical cis-guy flat chest. My nips are a little wonky in color and shape, and I plan on getting medical tattoos at some point to even the edges out. I also have slightly muted sensation in my chest now, so everything is like slightly number than it was before.

When I was pre-op, I did enjoy having nipple sensation that was pleasurable; even though I had inverted t-incision top surgery which preserved the nipple stalk, I still only have tactile, temperature, and pain sensations in my chest. If you put an ice cube on my nipple and my eyes were closed, I’d know it was cold. If you poked me while I was looking away, I’d still feel it. And if you squeezed me, it would hurt. But somehow it doesn’t feel good anymore like it used to. 

I don’t know how much of that loss in erotic sensation is a mental thing and how much is a physical change caused by scar tissue build up around the nerve. But regardless, it is a real loss. 

For me, that loss is well worth it. While I might have been physically capable of experiencing erotic nipple/chest sensation before, I rarely actually did have that experience because it made me too dysphoric and I didn’t like to take my shirt off during sex. Now I feel more fully present and comfortable in my own body and it makes me more engaged so I can focus on my partner and on the other feelings I’m having and how I look isn’t something that is detracting from the experience. 

In general, top surgery has made my life better in a million ways. I love running shirtless with my college cross country team, I like going swimming at the beach with no shirt, and I like the way I look now when I see myself in a mirror after stepping out of the shower. 

When I get dressed in the morning, my day starts off on a neutral note because it’s just me putting on clothes. Sometimes I pause to think about how I can just put on a shirt and feel good about it and move on. Before, I used to be upset every morning because the first thing I’d be reminded of when I woke up was that my chest was there and I didn’t want it to be. I’m Autistic, and binding was Not comfortable for me sensory-wise, so not having to bind was also nice.

I would choose to get top surgery again, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the right choice for each and every person. I am sure it was the right choice for me, and I have no regrets at all, I never want to have breasts again. But someone else might think that not having erotic nipple sensation is a dealbreaker, or they might not be comfortable with scars if they tend to heal with more visible raised scars that are harder to cover with a tattoo like I did mine.

So I can tell you that top surgery has made my life better and I’m glad I got it and I don’t think that there would have been any way for me to be as happy as I am now if I had not gotten it. Top surgery is life saving and life-changing for some people, and I am one of those people. I might be more inclined to tell people that if you think you need surgery you should get it because my surgery went so well and because I’m still identifying as genderqueer, transmasculine, and non-binary, just like I was when I was 15, so my identity is pretty static there.

Some other post-op people may tell you that they regret their surgery, that they wish they hadn’t done it, and they would make a different decision if they could go back in time. They might want to help warn other people to not make the same mistake that they did.  Detransitioned folks often (but not always) have a different perspective than folks who persisted in being transgender and that’s okay- it isn’t a better perspective or a worse one, just a different one. But both trans and reidentified people can feel this way, even though it’s usually more common for de-trans folks to regret surgical procedures that it is for trans folks.

I semi-rushed into surgery for both emotional and logistical reasons but I knew it was right for me. But that isn’t the best choice for everyone and if you aren’t 100% sure that it is what you want and need then there’s nothing wrong with having the consultation with the surgeon to learn more and then thinking things over before you schedule a surgery date (or don’t), you don’t need to immediately schedule a surgery date after the consult. Think of it as an interview and as an information gathering session.

Neither of us can tell you what you should do because neither of us are “right” or “wrong” about top surgery. It’s just a different experience and a different perspective. We all have biases based on our own way of seeing things, and that can inform our advice.

If you know what the risks are, and you’ve given it careful thought and can provide an informed consent, then whether you should get surgery is your decision. I won’t tell you “go get it!” or “don’t go get it!” and I don’t think that any blogger should be telling anons what medical procedures to get or not get. 

Worrying that you’re faking it, that you don’t know who you are, and worrying about regret is something that can be pretty scary and frustrating, but you don’t need to figure it out on your own, and it’s okay to take a little longer to come to a decision and talk it over with a therapist if you think it’s necessary to help you cope with that anxiety.

But yeah, I believe that ultimately you have to trust your gut feelings on what you know to be right for you.

Top surgery 101 links

Finding a therapist

Side note: While we do our best to avoid reblogs from obvious TERFs/truscum/transphobes/racists/sexists/ableists/etc to avoid exposing people to triggering content by boosting the blog’s visibility, and we do appreciate getting heads up asks about reblogs from a problematic OP, if we reblog a post from someone we do not necessarily endorse all of the content in every post they’ve made, and we don’t necessarily agree with all of the blogger’s opinions either. We reblog a specific post if we think seeing that post might be helpful for some of our followers.

Something I think is important

I have a story to share with all of you. A story that I believe is very important and applies to many, many things.

Even if it gets lost forever and nobody sees this, I still think it’s right to put this out there. (Don’t get me wrong, reblogs are much appreciated).

Not too long ago, I was in the car with my brother, who is a cis, straight, white male (and quite masculine). I was telling him a story about my friend. This particular friend is non-binary and goes by they/them pronouns.

As I was telling him about them, he interrupted me:

“Wait hold on. Are they a boy or a girl?”

I explained that they are neither. They are non-binary.

He’s not very educated on things like this (that I know of), so he asked me:

“I understand that. But what were they born as?”

I gently told him that you’re not supposed to ask those things.

He said (and I’m not joking here. Like I said, he’s not educated on this sort of thing):

“But they were born as one of the genders.... right?”

I chuckled and replied with ‘yes’, reminding him again to not bring up ‘dead genders’. In retrospect, I could’ve phrased it differently. But in my defense, I was caught off-guard by the whole convo so my head was still trying to figure what the heck was going on and is this really my brother asking me about lgbtq+ stuff?

He asked another question:

“Cool. So when you refer to them, do you always use the past tense? Because like, you’d say ‘he’s playing basketball’. Would it be ‘they’re playing basketball?”

“Yes, they use all variations of they/them like how you’d address a group of people. Except this is only a singular person.” (Me)

“Cool. I don’t know much about these things but I have mad respect for it.” (Brother)

Let’s read that again, shall we?

“I don’t know much about these things but I have [mad] respect for it.”

This is a good example of:

I don’t have to know what this means or is to respect it.

Ask questions if you’re curious about something. Talk to people who may apply to what you’re wanting to learn more about. Do research if you’re interested enough.

If you don’t know what something is and don’t really care/want to, (especially if you don’t agree with it), just respect it and move on.

I feel like we don't know how some of these people around the world being reported as "men" or "women" really identify. Especially young people, or people in highly transphobic, repressive societies, which is almost all of them. So can we just say people, and not "woman" or "gang of men"? Just because of their genitals being known, body type being shunted into one category or the other, or reported identity from family does not mean we KNOW. They weren't asked, or could be intersex.

maybe that would help keep TERFs and SWERFs away, too, because they REALLY seem to like your content, to the point you were flagged red for me. Avoiding their bioessentialist and sex binary rhetoric, even in cases you THINK involve cis people, is important. Many people on this planet are neither men nor women, and can't be understood that way. Many you don't recognize are trans, are. It cannot be assumed or reported with those assumptions.

same for "same-sex" marriage. It's not "same-sex" and "opposite-sex". Those phrases require us to think there are 2 sexes, opposing each other in neatly separated 2 category way. You COULD say same-gender marriage, but really there are often more than one identities involved yet it is still involving gay or bi people marrying in a queer way. So, queer marriage or gay marriage seems most accurate. Otherwise, at least say "same-sex" in quotes and make it clear it was the conservatives' language.

and like, "Megan Thee Stallion’s “WAP” revel in female sexual autonomy and freedom." No, it doesn't. It's about a wet pussy, which is NOT about "feeeeemales" (g*d it sounds like an incel convention in that article) and wet pussy can be had by people of all genders, in multiple ways. You see why TERFs like your posts? They reify the binary endlessly.

I feel like the first thing I should say is that the verbiage in all link posts is direct content from the page. I select some paragraphs to summarize the article linked except in the case of big name sites behind paywalls like New York Times, whose articles I reproduce entirely behind a cut because I don’t believe we should have to pay sites like those for news.  So most of your objections, while true, are not something that I control.  

I do agree that gender is not a binary and that genitals do not belong to any particular gender.  I try to cover articles and link to sites that are closest to the values that I want to uphold here, but I’m very rarely able to find a source that uses gender neutral language.  

I assume that when you say I was marked as red site that you mean by some extension such as Shingami Eyes.  This is troubling, as one of the weaknesses of services like those is that they depend on crowdsourced references, so any group with enough members who wished to launch an attack could easily enough manipulate the data and mark sites as unsafe just out of spite. I would hope that people continue to mark my blog as safe, but a casual look at recent posts or any pertinent keyword search would reveal the positions I take on these issues.  And just in case it wasn’t clear, I have stated support for trans folks in both the title page and user icon in hopes that TERFS are less likely to  reblog my posts because it would force trans-friendly slogans into their feed. 

TERFs occasionally turn up in mentions and I spend a huge amount of time combing through every like, share and comment to weed these out.   It’s a labor of love that , if done correctly, goes completely unnoticed to those who matter.  

But I really take issue with your assertion that it’s somehow my fault that this page is constantly besieged by TERFS.  To blame me for the content that I link for the kind of daily abuse I get, the hours I put in blocking unsafe followers and the sea of rape and death threats I get simply for supporting the trans community is appalling.  

TERFs don’t “like” my blog.  They make that very clear constantly.   The reason that they are drawn to my page is the use of tags .  Lately, I tend to see a swell in harassment generally after any post mentioning JK Rowling.   The nature of TERFs is to attack, belittle, smear and threaten those who disagree with their agenda of hatred.  Their attacks against me are ANYTHING but my fault.  

I work tirelessly to keep this blog as safe as possible and appreciate those who offer ideas for how best to do this.  This is important work for me.  But this gig comes with a heavy load of abuse and i cannot abide anyone who would would blame shift.  TERFs are responsible for the abuse and suffering they cause.  Only TERFs.

And as I’ve said many times and will keep saying as long as I am able, TERFs are NOT WELCOME HERE.

-Spider

Full disclosure, I support trans and non binary people. But I don’t really understand the “terf” standing? I would really appreciate it if you explained the argument that if they pass a law stating that identifying as a woman is all u need to do to enter women’s spaces - it will result in men pretending to be trans and entering women’s spaces? Has that happened before and is it likely? Even if u have a link to smth that explains it, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank u!

Hey! I’m honestly not one to keep receipts around and it’s pretty late, so I’ll put this out there and hope followers reblog with links. If they do I’ll reblog it here.

There are cases of men posing as women to get into women’s spaces to harm women. Bathrooms are sensitive and vulnerable spaces for women. Trans women have the same rates of violence as their cis male peers. Imagine being 11, starting your period, wanting to talk about that with your friends in the bathroom, and sharing that space with a male bodied person. Do little girls not deserve privacy? It’s also important to know the history of the bathroom debate. There used to only be male bathrooms in many public spaces because women didn’t enter those spaces. Women fought long and hard to be able to have bathrooms because it was unsafe for them to use public restrooms with men. Here we are having the same debate.

I think the obvious solution is to have more unisex single stall restrooms. I empathize with trans women in the sense that men are violent towards transwomen usually due to homophobia. Single stall restrooms (most places already have them anyway), are safe for anyone who may prefer more privacy. But I have to wonder if it’s really about safety. Because if it was about safety, the movement would be pushing for single stall, especially since they talk about how TERFs are violent. If we’re so violent and you’re vulnerable then why would you want to be in a space with us that makes you vulnerable? It’s not about safety, it’s about validation. And I don’t believe that the safety of females should be sacrificed for the validation of males.

I think the broader issue here, beyond immediate safety is the argument of what makes a woman a woman. Does femininity make a woman a woman? If so, are masculine women, butches, tomboys, athletes, those that like short hair, those that don’t wear make up or shave—are they not women? If femininity and gender roles do not define womanhood, then what DOES? Our biology. And the basis of our oppression has always been our biology. I won’t pretend that trans women don’t experience violence at the hands of men, but it is not because they are women, it is because they are men who dare to be feminine. Our experiences are not the same.

As someone who has been to female only festivals and TIM inclusive festivals, I can say there is a difference. When we celebrate our biology with pussy hats, with art about the vulva, with the vagina monologues—when we celebrate the bodies we have been socialized to HATE, we are told we are transmisogynistic and exclusionary. When we talk about our real challenges with menstruation, we’re either faced with an onslaught of misogynistic insults in which we’re referred to as “bleeders” or are expected to grin and bear it while a TIM tells us about phantom cramps while we suffer real ones from conditions like PCOS and Endometriosis, both conditions of the female body with next to no research on how to treat or correct them.

We need female-only space. We still have work to do in terms of female-specific oppression. And when we allow our oppressors to enter our spaces, our goals, our liberation, our work is put on the back burner while the relentless task of validating the identities of trans women who think they’ve identified into an oppressed class come to the forefront. I would never presume to enter the spaces of trans women or black men, or Spanish-speakers. Because their experience is unique and I would not come unless invited. The experience of being female, of being raised female, of the pain that comes with the oppression of the female sex, is unique to us. We deserve to find spaces of common experience where we aren’t silenced because our stories may make someone feel invalid.

The Forgotten LGBT Characters of 1990s Marvel Comics

Hey X-Men fans! It’s still June, still Pride month, so I wanted to talk about three lesser-known LGBT Marvel characters. They’re very obscure, and they’re all also all from the early 1990s. Like Mystique, one might consider them pioneers of Marvel becoming inclusive of LGBT people. Unlike Mystique, no one really knows about them, as they never became major players (far from it, in fact) Be warned, two of them are villains and very much products of their time and the unfortunate way that society was still treating LGBT people; Marvel was starting to include them, sure, but in very demonized, stereotyped ways. But problematic or not, they existed and they’re close to my heart, and I’d like them to be remembered by a greater amount of fandom. Who knows, if enough people like them, maybe they will come back in canon one day and be treated with greater sensitivity!

Shinobi Shaw (bisexual) - Shinobi Shaw appeared as the young estranged son of Sebastian Shaw, who abused him terribly as a child. While he looked pretty badass at first by killing his father (it turned out not to take, alas) he spent the rest of his time being pretty much a joke as a villain. He preferred to just get drunk and hang out with a bevvy of hot men and women than really do any villainy, and what villainy he did commit was largely limited to trying to get X-Men he liked (Warren and Storm) to join him. Seriously, he sent Warren an invitation to a Hellfire Club party on a PERFUMED card with a LACEY border written in LOOPY PINK INK, and wanted him to be his White King. He totally had a crush on him. Jubilee drives it home with a “Liberace” comparison just in case that was all too subtle for readers. And of course he was attracted to Storm because...STORM. All bad guys like Storm! That’s not where the hints of bisexuality end, though. And by “hints” I mean “on more than one occasion he’s surrounded by men and women who are in various states of undress” like basically the art is trying to tell us that he’s in the middle of an orgy at any given time. At one point, his butler asks him if he’s having oysters or snails tonight, which is an old-timey way of saying “women or men”, and Shinobi replies he thinks he’ll have dinner first, just so the readers are sure he AIN’T talking about food here. Also he dresses in a purple pirate coat and lilac pinstripe pants. I don’t like stereotyping but COME ON GUYS. Fashion bicon right here! Shinobi is definitely and blatantly depicted as bisexual, but he’s really not what could be called good bisexual representation. He’s not only a villain, he’s played up as simultaneously despicable and ineffective, as too effeminate and damaged (his status as an abuse survivor is not treated sympathetically either) to be any real threat, but still as disgusting nonetheless. He’s also depicted as something of an attempted sexual predator, but also as, again, not really enough of a “real man” for it to be scary, just gross. He’s also played up a LOT as a decadent hedonist obsessed only with pleasure, which is an age-old stereotype of gay people and bi people both, but especially bi people. There’s a lot of problems with Shinobi. But he’s still a lot of fun as a character, at least to me, and the hints of how emotionally damaged he is from aforementioned abuse and the implication he may have a substance abuse problem and that all this decadence might just be his only way of coping because he’s clearly unable to connect with people but WANTS to somehow...there’s a great character arc here waiting to happen, if some writer only sees it. Those familiar with the far more famous Daken might notice some similarities in design; both are the eastranged predatory  bisexual abused half-Japanese son of a burlier, hairier, pre-established white male character. Of course, Daken was far more competent and became a much more major, complex character. Maybe Shinobi was sort of his first draft? Who knows! All I know is that as of June 19, Shinobi has finally re-appeared alive in Uncanny X-Men #20, and I’m hoping for more shenanigans--preferably in the flamboyant bisexual disaster Shinobi style! Mindmeld (transgender) - Mindmeld appears solely in X-Force #62 as a bodyguard in the employ of Shinobi Shaw. No alternative name is given for her, and it’s my headcanon that “Mindmeld” is her chosen name as both a mutant and a trans woman. How do we know she’s a trans woman? Well, we don’t. But she’s drawn with the same body type and facial shape as all the male characters are, because this is comics and there’s one mold for guys, one for ladies. However, despite big muscles, a strong jaw, and a distinct lack of breasts, she presents pretty feminine, with makeup and a lot of jewelry. The other characters (the heroes, no less) express confusion about her gender, saying things like “Now, Mr. or Mrs. Mindmeld...” and “What is your real name? Pat? Chris?” (get it? those are unisex/androgynous names?) However, only “she” pronouns are ever used for her. Given all this, I think it’s fair to say that these jabs along with her physical appearance are meant to hint to the audience that she’s a transgender woman. She could fall into some other trans category, such as non-binary or genderqueer, but considering this was the 90s (when those identities were less known) and being written by straight cis guys (the least likely to know about said identities) I think that her being a pre-op/non-op/non-passing trans woman is a safe guess. My bet is that her presence was meant to add some shock value and play up Shinobi’s own bisexuality (since it’s a common misconception that a straight man couldn’t possibly be into a trans woman) In any case, she was short-lived and ill-treated by both the story and the other characters, but I find her intriguing. She’s also very important despite her obscurity, as she’s the first representation of a transgender mutant that I’m aware of that didn’t involve something like shapeshiting or or bodyswapping (though her powers could swap the brains of other people!) or being an alien with no knowledge of gender norms, or any other “explanation” that accounted for being trans that had no real-world equivalent. She just seems to have been trans in the way REAL people are trans, something that thus far no mutant I’m aware of (save for another one-time character, Jessie Drake) has been. And I think she damn well deserves some love for that. Plus look at her, she’s just cool! Nocturne (wlw) - Nocturne aka Angela Cairn (no, not TJ Wagner, this is a different Nocturne) is the only non-villain on this list, and the only one whose sexuality was treated sympathetically, perhaps because it was only hinted at and her story was told largely in metaphor. Ironically, she’s also the only chracter here who is not a mutant or an X-Men character, despite X-Men being the publication that’s supposed to be all about embracing the different and downtrodden. She first appears in the 1993 Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #13, and had a few subsequent appearances before disappearing from the page altogether. Angela Cairn was a police officer of Black, Cuban, and Native American (tribe unspecified) heritage. As a lifelong victim of prejudice, she joined the police in hopes of using the law to protect others from being victimized. She is implied to have been in a romantic relationship with a fellow female officer, Jackie Kessler, and the two may have co-habited. After Jackie is murdered in the line of duty, Angela went on the trail of a serial killer who she believed was the same supervillain that killed Jackie. Following a false lead, she was lured to a warehouse where she was trapped and experimented on by one of the nameless mutates created from humans by Baron Zemo. Unlike the other monstrous mutates, this one did not seek to return to human form, and, for reasons unknown, wanted Angela to become like her. As a result, Angela was transformed in the mute, winged, vampire-like being called Nocturne. No longer able to live in human society or even explain to others that she’s Angela, Nocturne becomes homeless and protects those who also live on the fringes of society, including a boy who is the victim of a gay-bashing. Her journey ends up being not a typical superhero tale, but an introspective single-issue saga of pain and self-acceptance. It’s told largely in what I interpret to be metaphor for coming to terms with being open about her sexuality only after she lost her partner, which I write more extensively about HERE, and I personally find it to be a surprisingly deep and nuanced story---especially for comics, which are usually about as subtle as an anvil when it comes to whatever social commentary they’re trying to get across (not that this is always a bad thing either!) Anyway, if you read this far, I’d very much appreciate it if you would reblog! I think these characters deserve to be more well-known, and I think a lot of people will enjoy seeing their representation, flawed and dated though it may be.

It’s Lesbian Visibility Day– Lesbians Deserve An Inclusive, Easily Reproduced, and Symbolic Flag to Stand Under!

Oh boy, yet another flag proposal... What’s wrong with the flags that already exist, anyway??

No decently circulated lesbian flag currently meets all of the standards that must be met to make a pride flag great– a pride flag design needs to be inclusive, easily reproduced, and symbolic to be able to become a widespread, representative icon of a community!

What’s wrong with the labrys design? 

The labrys design was created in 1999 by a gay man. Having a lesbian flag that wasn’t even created by a lesbian is a glaring issue by itself, but a second reason many lesbians have rejected this flag is because of its association with TERFs, which stand for Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists, a group of people that do not believe trans people are the gender they identify as, and wish to exclude trans people, especially trans women, from the LGBT community and feminist movements. 

What’s wrong with the seven striped pink flag design? 

This flag design is made almost entirely out of very specific shades of pink. These shades are extremely hard to translate into physical dyes, fabrics, and other materials used to create pride designs, causing the flag to be inaccessible to many people. Also, the flag was originally intended to be representative only of lipstick lesbians– many lesbians do not identify with this flag because of the very feminine design as many lesbians do not subscribe to traditional feminine roles and presentation. Also, the creator of this flag has made many racist, butchphobic, and biphobic comments on her personal blog, which is yet another reason why an increasingly large portion of the lesbian community has rejected this flag. 

What about this flag with the orange on top and pink at the bottom? 

I really appreciate this flag for its goal to step away from the exclusive femininity of the ‘lipstick lesbian’ flag and incorporate some deeper symbolism into the design. But there are still some issues with it that remain– one of which is that it does not fix the issue of accessibility/ease of reproduction. The shades of orange and pink are still extremely similar to each other which again, makes it very hard to replicate with dyes/fabrics/other materials. Not even the five-striped variation of the flag fixes this, as the shades of orange and pink are still very specific and are still two different shades of the same color. A pride flag needs to be able to be replicated with limited material options in order for it to be fully accessible and become widespread in the community and beyond. There is also the issue that the two-tone design of the flag is mainly meant to represent butches/femmes. Butch and femme culture is absolutely an extremely important and historical aspect of the lesbian community– but it is not everything the community encompasses. There are many lesbians that do not identify with butch/femme, and this flag leaves those people out. 

What about any other design already out there? 

This is not meant to be a bash on any individuals that have taken the initiative and courage to propose their own designs to the community– the community-wide effort to design a new lesbian flag is what inspired my own! But no proposed flag I’ve ever seen out there has met all three criteria that is needed to make a pride flag successful and widespread, and those are again, inclusivity, ease of reproduction, and symbolism. 

Okay, what’s this new flag look like? 

Many things were considered in the design process of this flag. 

It could not be overly feminine (no major focus on pink, no pastel shades)

It needed to be easily reproduced (no multiple shades of colors, no obscure colors, no complex symbols)

 It needed to incorporate historical and cultural symbolism in every design element (more on that later)

It would not focus solely on one aspect of the lesbian community (not just on femininity, not just on butch/femme, et cetera.)

What do the stripes symbolize? 

Red, embodying passion and bravery– our loud voices and larger-than-life legacies, our bullheadedness and righteousness, our anger and joy and liveliness that is infused in every facet of the lesbian community, and every soul that calls themselves a part of it. 

Orange for integrity and hearth; our wholeness despite the notion that a woman's life is incomplete without a man, as well as the home and sense of belonging we find in our identity and community. It is rejecting the notion that lesbians are cold, harsh, and untrustworthy. This stereotype is especially aimed at butch/masculine presenting lesbians, which is why the stripe also represents butches. 

White symbolizes our inherent rejection of dichotomy in multiple senses of the word. Lesbians are not tied to the patriarchal and heteronormative standard of male versus female in our relationships, lifestyles, or identities. We reject traditional standards of both masculinity and femininity to instead establish our own unique methods of presentation and identity that cannot be tied to a binary norm. It also rejects the notion that lesbian love is automatically dirtier and more lustful than heterosexual love. It is not a coincidence that the purity stripe also represents trans and nonbinary lesbians– this is rejecting the notion that the lesbianism of trans and nonbinary individuals is somehow invalid, lesser or diluted compared to the lesbianism of a cis woman. In the current political climate surrounding many lesbian circles today, I found it more necessary than ever to impress the fact that trans and nonbinary lesbians are just as representative of the lesbian community as cis lesbians, and their inclusion is critical in honoring and acknowledging the community at large.

Purple, the color of violets and lavender, for our history: our lesbian predecessors who dedicated their lives in making the achievements of today possible, our traditions and symbols that have been passed on, redefined, and expressed through every new generation. The purple stripe acknowledges the contributors to lesbian achievement of yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Black– resilience and certainty, grounding our identities and community in the foundation of knowing we are exactly where we are meant to be in life, and that our identities are an inherent, permanent, and powerful facet of who we are as human beings. It rejects the notion that lesbians are confused or unstable in their identity, or that they are wrong or broken for not loving men. It also rejects the notion that a “gay lifestyle” is inherently unstable or unsustainable– lesbians are just as capable of marrying, settling, and living comfortably and happily as a straight person is.

I really like this flag! What can I do to support it? 

Spread it any way you can! 

Reblog this post! Non-lesbians are absolutely welcome to– in order to make a pride flag universally known, it has to be seen by *all* members of the community!

Make the flag your profile picture! (I will make free edits of the flag with any character/icon/other pride flag upon request! Just send an ask! Examples of edits I’ve done previously will be posted on this blog soon!)

Go to the twitter and instagram for the flag! 

Like/retweet/repost the flag on your accounts!

Make irl pride art and show it off! 

Tell your friends! 

I hereby release this design of a new lesbian flag into the public domain. Anyone may reproduce, distribute, or use the flag design, including selling merchandise for profit! The last thing I want to happen is for the circulation of this flag to end up entirely based on one social media platform or occur strictly online. I intend for this flag to be able to be displayed and flown in online and real life spaces alike, by lesbians of all different backgrounds, experiences, cultures, locations, and ages. 

Finally, there is a website that goes even further into describing the design process behind the flag and the symbolism incorporated into it! All the information about the flag has been included on this website so all anyone needs to do to help spread the word is share this link!!!   

❤️❤️❤️ Lesbians deserve a flag that represents *all* of us and can be spread to be seen by the entire community! I need YOUR help in making this flag known! Thank you so much for your time in reading and your support! ❤️❤️❤️

Taken from this

How did you choose your name?

I didn’t. Oddly enough, my birth name was given to me because it was supposedly androgynous, so that works. I used to wish I had a more ‘normal’ name, but now I’m pretty indifferent to it.

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

I don’t experience physical dysphoria. I don’t know if I experience social dysphoria, but if so, it’s not too intense.

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

Social, if I have it. I don’t like being called certain pronouns, but I’m kind of resigned to it. Only on the internet would it really get to me, but thankfully I’ve never had that happen after coming out.

What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

I don’t need self-care when I have loving and accepting friends!

What was the first time you suspected you were transgender? 

It was kind of hard. In my preteens, I would think to myself that I didn’t want to be my assigned gender, but I didn’t quite want to be the other binary gender either. I kind of resigned myself to being my assigned gender until finding out nonbinary genders were a thing.

When did you realize you were transgender?

5-6 years ago?

What is your favorite part of being transgender?

I feel like there’s a certain freedom to it. When you grow up, you’re fed a lot of messages about gender (boys don’t cry, girls are more nurturing), and I never really liked when people tried to justify my personality with stuff like that. Now that I know I’m not cis, I can ignore it.

How would you explain your gender identity to others?

My gender = No

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

It’s much easier for me to stay in the closet.

What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

None.

What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

None.

Do you pass?

Technically yes, since having no gender means (ideally) having no gender expectations. I’d like to look androgynous, but I can’t do that socially without tipping people off, and physically, with my body type, it would be a challenge anyway.

What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

Maybe hormones? But that’s hard to do while staying closeted. I don’t necessarily need them for myself.

How long have you been out?

5-6 years online

What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

None other than my assigned gender

Have you ever experienced transphobia?

Not directly, but I did have the misfortune of hearing the Apache helicopter joke irl

What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

Public bathrooms are a den of filth. I would never step foot in one willingly unless it was an emergency.

How does your family feel about your trans identity?

I don’t know, but given how they talk about trans people, I don’t want to

Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

I literally can’t; that is not a luxury I have. There’s not really a way to be ‘stealth’ when you’re nonbinary. You either have to tell people upfront or let them assume what gender you are.

What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

I probably would’ve told myself what a transmed was so that didn’t affect my entire stance on whether or not I’m trans. But I also would tell myself that being nonbinary doesn’t necessarily mean I have to ID as trans either.

Why do you use the pronouns you use?

I like them! And they too!

Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?

I don’t know if I’m neurodivergent or not.

What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

Being outed to my family. That would not be ideal.

What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

I came out online.

What do you wish cis people understood?

Respecting trans and other non-cis people isn’t impossible. I’ve met a decent amount of cis people who are really cool about it, and I appreciate them a lot.

The sanctity of the English language is not and never will be a hill to die on. Using singular they/them will not kill anyone.

What impact has being trans affected your life?

Things make a lot more sense now! I’m really glad I found out I’m nonbinary.

What do you do to validate yourself?

Write! Creating the representation I want to see, and seeing other people enjoy it, is really helpful!

How do you feel about trans representation in media?

It’s improving, but could be better.

Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

I don’t really know all that much about trans celebrities. I think there’s like 5 I can name total? Asia Kate Dillon interested me in particular, because before hearing about them, I never knew there was a nonbinary character on US television that wasn’t a robot or an alien, let alone a celebrity that publicly identified as nonbinary, and got to play said character! It’s really cool, and I really appreciate them for being out there.

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

@rontufox. He was the first person I ever knew to mention the word ‘genderqueer’ and was the guy that reblogged the post that made me realize my identity. Great dude, great friend, really understanding and an inspiration for how to treat other people in general! I love you, bro!

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

Other than having trans friends and reblogging an occassional post… not much. I have little idea what the nonbinary community is like, what problems they have or face. Does an organized nonbinary community even exist? I’ve seen and heard a lot more discussion about and by trans men and women, but can’t really say I ‘know’ their communities, because I’m not either of those identities.

How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

The same.

What trans issue are you most passionate about?

Representation in media. There’s a lot of trans stories to tell, but not many are being told, and the ones that are are often by cis people which creates… issues, to say the least.

What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

No one is immune to misogyny. Please examine how you treat/behave toward women. On the other hand, ragging on men just for the sake of ragging on men doesn’t really do any good for anyone and can easily reinforce harmful beliefs. People who choose to belittle or ignore the struggles of specific men (cis LGB+ men, trans men, men of color, etc.) are especially suspicious when it comes to this.

NEVER INTERACT WITH TERFs. Period. They are not a joke. Transphobes in general are bad of course, but TERFs are especially manipulative. They can and will turn someone completely inside out in order to get someone to believe their ideology and have a lot of sneaky tactics to get otherwise anti-TERF people to agree with them. No matter how secure you think you are in your identity, it’s not worth it. The same goes for transmeds. I don’t know the full extent of their tactics, but based on personal experience, they’re pretty damaging too.

How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

I’d much rather be read as a guy online than in real life.

What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

I don’t really get to ‘express’ my gender irl. I’d like to have more ‘plain’ clothes that aren’t obviously tailored for one gender. Online, my gender expression is... just being me! I used to put a little more thought into trying to come off as completely androgynous, but what’s the point of being nonbinary if I can’t be myself?

Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

Neither

What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I’m ace and aro. I feel like it’s made a lot easier for me to be my identity than if I were attracted to people. I don’t often see unaligned nonbinary people in discussions of attraction, but then again, I rarely see nonbinary discussions at all. It’s already hard enough for binary trans and aligned nonbinary people to get taken seriously as their in a relationship or in other parts of the LGBT+ community.

There’s people who don’t believe nonbinary people exist or should be a part of the LGBT+ community, and then there are others who don’t believe asexual or aromantic people should be a part of the community either. But there are many more cis+heterosexual+heteromantic people, who would not accept nonbinary, ace, aro people at all. It’s hard to interact with the LGBT+ community beyond support if you have to second-guess whether you belong at all. But, the more I learn about other people’s experiences in the online LGBT+ community, the more I learn that no group feels completely safe, and all of them are either being persecuted or ignored by each other. I don’t really know what to say other than it’s really sad.

Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

I have no ideal partner.

How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

I came out online. That’s it to me. It was pretty easy for me in particular because there were very few people who I told my assigned gender beforehand.

What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

Tumblr. 

Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I don’t know if I’ve ever met a trans person IRL

Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

Not really.

Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.

Thanks, I might make a few!

What do you hope for in the future?

Trans rights!  Safer discussions of LGBT+ topics in public!

What are you thankful for?

My amazing friends for supporting me! I wouldn’t have gotten this far without you, and I’m thankful for the people who are there for me!

What do you wish to achieve?

I wish to be able to understand and respect other parts of the LGBT+ community better. I know I won’t be able to understand other groups 100%, but I like learning! And more than anything, I don’t want to make it any harder than it already is to be LGBT+ online. I want to help my friends!!

Why didn’t you write “as a trans person” after those last three questions, when that’s what you meant? 

I’m not sure if I see myself as trans to begin with. I’ve only heard one other person share this sentiment with me, but I feel like being trans is a little more involved what I am, and I don’t feel comfortable co-opting on that experience (even though...taking this questionnaire meant for trans people… might be doing just that.) I do want to clarify that I’m not saying that nonbinary people who share my experiences CAN’T be trans. I’m just saying that I’m not sure if I see myself personally as trans. I’m not cis though. That I know for sure.

Did you like taking this questionnaire?

Heck yeah! Nice job, OP!

What’s a way you can end this on a happy note?

I know a lot of these answers have been downers, but I think if people pull together, a better future is possible for all of us. I’m thankful for where I am in life now, and I want other people to get to a similar spot in life, if not better! Also, let me know if I stepped out of line in any of these answers so I can edit them!

As a female I get tired of seeing psa post about /It's important to treat female muses with respect/ or /Female muses deserve better treatment!!/ it's this constant thing I get slapped in the face by mutuals who reblogs that once in a blue moon, but ignore male muses or treat them like shit. I'm sorry to come off as sexist, I wish people would look out for male muses too and those who are gay since they get the short end of the stick and not appreciated. Don't get me wrong it's important to respect all muses regardless of their gender, but these post are coming off as quite feminist and Tumblr is known for being a man hater. I feel really bad for saying all of this.. I'm sorry for this rant, RPbetter. I just need to let it off my chest.

It's all good, Anon! I did tell y'all you could do exactly this!

I know, as in, I can actually feel the hackles of the RPC rising preemptively, this is going to rub people the very, very wrong way...so, I'm asking you to at least try to put that on hold and consider some things about this as a different view from what you've experienced before you get angry with Anon or myself.

Because I think the issue with this, and all PSA's that are especially full of delineation like these are, is that it isn't going to be everyone's experience in the RPC.

We tend to feel like the RPC is our little corner, or for some of you, vast empire. Sometimes, an overlap of both - our little area we have cultivated with our mutuals, our preferred resource blogs, all the blogs that branch off from us and the larger RPC specific fandom community we're a part of. I mean, I know my fandom is huge, my highly cultivated homestead within it is tiny.

I also interact with people from equally huge RPC fandoms. So, between the two, I see some major differences. The differences in some of the minuscule RPC corners I have people in can be even more extreme.

Example?

I have a mutual who is open to crossovers and spends time in three bigger fandoms with their muse. The muse is highly desirable in the fandom they come from, had no issue adapting and being desirable in the second big one, but in the third, it was quite different. Same approach that worked out wonderfully everywhere else did not work in this third fandom because the muse...is female in a male and gay ship predominant fandom. So, while this mutual never experienced trouble getting/keeping interaction and respectful treatment of their muse/themselves everywhere else, they suddenly got slapped with it there. It's often a problem of specific fandoms and their material.

Another example?

Myself.

My main muse is everything that the more hateful PSA's of this sort say is the desirable muse that unfairly gets all the attention and respect: extremely well-known main character, conventionally attractive, male, white, young, and the way he presents in canon, you can play with HCs about him being not being cishet pretty easily. Highly shippable muse that can be made even more so without messing with canon much, if at all.

So, you'd think that I would never have any trouble getting interactions, ships that I want, plots I want, and good treatment of my muse (I mean by other muns, other muns not being total assholes about my muse, what happens between muses, when it isn't directly due to the mun's attitude, is different), right? I don't.

Don't get me wrong, I have the interactions I want, they're perfect. I have the writing partners I always wanted, the best ships, stunning plots, but that's entirely because I am OC and crossover friendly. I'm open to accepting writing partners based purely on the writing. My own fandom does not like my muse, outside of one specific version anyway, the canon ship is not supported, the popular fanon ship is likely to get you a callout in the RPC.

In my fandom, the female muses do get more respect and attention for the most part. It's one of those fandoms pretty into...well, fandom as an act of activism. That's not to say, before anyone loses it on me, that creating or picking up a female muse is doing it for woke points. Just that there is a rather open prerogative in my fandom to create/choose muses based on the idea of "representation" and "fixing canon." If you have one that is like mine, you're automatically assumed to be a lot of really shitty things. Getting called a school shooter, love that for me.

The whole "respect female muses or die" take isn't necessary there, it's the take. Doesn't stop it from coming around weekly, though, so I do feel you on this, Anon.

Furthermore, I'd personally prefer it if we'd all consider getting back to the take of just respecting muse choices and writing, period. People are always going to have preferences, in one place it might align with your own, in another it doesn't. That's perfectly alright and does not mean anything horrible about those people unless they're actively being horrible with it!

Preferring female muses doesn't mean you're a radfem, preferring (or just having even one) a f/m ship does not mean this or that you're homophobic either, nor does it make a bi/pan muse suddenly heterosexual and "bad representation/you're just saying they're bi and that's gross." Just means those are the ships that developed.

Preferring male muses doesn't mean you're "part of the problem" or "taking the easy way," and having or preferring a queer ship does not mean you're a "nasty fujoshi." It also doesn't invalidate what someone has established about their muse's sexuality, a bi/pan muse isn't Gay Now because their primary ship is m/m.

And that's to say nothing of how weird, and often at least mildly offensive, all of this is to both muns and muses that are not on the gender binary. You should probably consider that before you keep implying to a mun that the muse they've established as not cis is exactly that.

Or, that writing a female muse might be impossible for some muns for more reasons than just preference, a thing that is valid enough on its own. A decent number of muns in the RPC are also not cis, this may be the only safe place for them to drop being gendered as they were assigned at birth, it might even trigger dysphoria for them to write a female muse. I know that I am incredibly uncomfortable writing female muses. It's a little ridiculous to keep dropping the implication to outright demand that everyone needs to do their part in filling the female muse quota in the RPC or they're misogynists and/or phobes.

My experience, and I am not alone in it, has been getting plenty of shit for having male muses only, always assumed to be cisgender and often heterosexual. Plenty of shit for not writing the canon as cishet, too...and plenty more for my main ships being with female characters because they're the ones that worked out and stuck around.

No one is lying when they say that there are places where their male muses and queer ships are not looked on positively.

The thing is, I also witness female muses being treated like shit, yes!

And I will say, that treatment is so much worse if the muse is also an OC, has a canon f/m ship they'd like to write or just to write a ship with a canon if they're an OC, or they're certain types of female muses. Because the demands do not stop at being female. You also have to write a Strong Female Character to be of interest, and she had better be available to shipping and smut while not presenting as too sexually open. It's become an impossible obstacle course.

I see it on the dash, I see absolutely valid complaints, and the majority of my friends write female muses. I'm very aware of the problems they've faced, bias against them does exist!

Example of this?

Writing partners who have both male and female muses experiencing, repeatedly, their male muses being picked over the female muses, and their emotionally softer or less sexually available female muses being chosen dead last. The writing is great, these muses are well-done and interesting, easy to interact with, but they'll get told on the blogs for the male muses that they're only interested in them, the other mun having missed that this is the same mun behind both muses.

And it always comes down to wanting to ship m/m. Even when the muse is established as being heterosexual, they'll just keep trying to push it into happening with their male muse. If your male muse is heterosexual, that is like a violent act against the whole RPC.

So, that's also absolutely not a lie either, it does happen, it is a problem. It's valid to be upset about this!

In my opinion and experience, these are both significant problems predicated upon the same, overall issues:

not respecting choices and preferences equally

performative activism in fictional communities

requiring personal information as justification in order to respect choices/preferences as valid and not problematic

not being interested in writing for its own sake and characters for their own sake, but rather, what they say about oneself/in validation and display of one's ideals and/or personhood

not understanding that just because a character is x, y, or z does not, actually, make them interesting or a good character, let alone to everyone

So, I really think the answer here isn't saying that there is a single problem with muse gender across the board, everywhere and without variables, and demanding that people "respect," a thing that actually translates into "you must accept all of x as writing partners no matter your interest in them or viability, as writing partners" all of any one type of muse. I think that's just weirdly pressuring and remaining at a distance from the incredibly simple answer of accepting that people have preferences that do not always benefit you, that you might even find offensive, but that's a right they have.

It's okay if you're not interested in the conventionally attractive, canon male muse, even if someone has HC'ed him as queer. It's okay if you're not interested in the Strong Woman female OC, even if someone has given her other labels of significance. It's okay if you're not interested in someone's well-developed, well-written female OC or canon, someone's male OC or canon, or someone's proudly genderless creature. (Again, don't come at me folks, I literally call myself that, it's a joke based on the way people who do not ascribe to the gender binary can be treated/viewed by others who do, thanks!)

Your likes and dislikes are okay! Even if they're "not inclusive," yes. So long as you're not being a fucking bigot, you're alright. It isn't anyone's job here to be correct the ills of reality in their fiction, let's just all start focusing less on the fine details and more on respecting each other regardless of whether individual preferences benefit us or not.

Forcing people to interact based on guilting or shaming them is the opposite of the answer. Always. And just because it is one extreme in your RPC area does not mean it's like this in everyone else's. I'm genuinely sorry that anyone has experienced negative things based on such ridiculous factors, but please, be sure you're not turning around and doing the same shit to someone else.

Going to repeat:

Forcing people to interact based on guilting or shaming them is the opposite of the answer. Always.

hi i don’t think pan ppl are transphobic, just because bi ppl can be attracted to 2+ genders and pan are attracted to all doesn’t mean pan ppl or bi ppl are transphobic. i deal w panphobic things anytime anyone mentions pansexuality and i really thought your blog would be safe from that. i'm pan and don’t use bi bc i recognize i'd be attracted to someone regardless of gender identity as long as i find them attractive (and this has nothing to do w seeing trans ppl as a dif gender), if they're 1/

this is a long post & i want ppl to have the option 2 skip it so i’m putting it under a readmore; above all else i’m so thankful that you sent me these asks and deeply sorry that i rb’d something that made you feel unsafe on my blog. i agree with you; i don’t think bi or pan people are inherently transphobic and i’m really sorry i implied that with that post!

2/ if they ID as demiboy or demigirl, or genderfluid or anything else that isn't binary, then i really don’t care. i'm not saying bi ppl can’t feel the same since i said bi people are attracted to 2+ genders or all, but pan is rooted in the emphasis of all gender identities. yes theres a lot of overlap but just... i'm hurt that you'd rb smth like that, i understand the last line of its root in transphobia but being gay/straight and so many other things have issues that clash w other LGBT+ IDs

3/ if anything, i've dealt with internalized panphobia and homophobia, i just never felt comfortable with saying i was bi, not because it was "boring" or "binary" but bc everyone would just assume i was attracted to guys and women which was never the case and saying i was pan allowed for me to show that i knew that there are more than 2 gender identities and that i was attracted to all of them

hi its the 3 pt ask anon and its like i completely get why bi ppl would be upset w pan ppl but its just so hard when both are oppressed and one of the most common arguments is like: we aren't seen so we have to be seen first before you try to get into this too. i get why biphobia exists but the same biphobia exists for pan ppl. so many ppl say you're just straight bc of a het relationship or you're just bi then. or the whole theres only two genders argument. and its like i'm as open to dating

5?/ anyone. i genuinely do not care about whichever gender they ID as since i just find ppl attractive for being attractive. and bi ppl can be the same. there is a LOT of overlap and i'm not going to dismiss any worries or concerns. all i know is that the pan community i've surrounded myself with to find love in my sexuality and community have constantly explained that theres overlap but it depends to the person and neither sexuality is transphobic so i try to never overstep or invalidate either

but thank you for listening, so many ppl just invalidate pan voices who try to put both bi and pan ppl into view while acknowledging how theres overlap but theres a difference. its hard feeling invalidating when all i (and others) do is be as inclusive as possible and try to never overstep. i listen to others worries like you do and i've learned so much from your blog and your rbs which i appreciate. it was just hard seeing panphobia & biphobia when i've tagged both to filter the words out

8?? sorry i lost count/ ty again for listening

hi and again just. thank you, for sending me these. i’ve privated the post for now, because i don’t want to hurt anybody but i also don’t want to avoid accountability 4 hurtful actions; i’d most like to delete the post but probably only will if you’re ok with that. and if i ever rb something that includes biphobia or panphobia i’ll do my best to always tag them.

and again i’m so sorry to have rb’d a hurtful post especially bc that runs so opposite to what i want to be doing with this blog & i know that when i’ve found something hurtful shared in spaces i viewed as safe it’s somehow hurt a lot worse than when i’ve encountered hurtful attitudes in places i was expecting it. 

in retrospect the phrasing on that post was Not kind, & didn’t convey the nuance i read into it. my baseline assumption of both bi and pan people is that neither group is inherently transphobic; both identities have extremely similar experiences and my perspective on different lgbtq+ identities in general is that our strength is in solidarity and isolating/separating can be really dangerous to the lgbtq+ community’s ability to thrive and work on making the world better and safer for us all. 

i’m really glad that you’ve found love and support within the pan community and i have all the respect and admiration in the world for my bi and pan siblings in the lgbtq+ community! being able to find folks who share your identity and to find pride in yourself together is so healing and important and i’m so glad for the times i’ve experienced that in my life as well. 

you’re right that all communities do have issues with transphobia, and i normally wouldn’t join in on other identity’s in-community conversations; i thought about that when reblogging the post earlier but i do my best to rb posts asking people to examine if their beliefs and identity might be formed on transphobic assumptions when it comes to all labels and that’s why i did originally rb. i do my best to rb a lot of posts asking wlw to examine potentially transphobic ideas they might hold, because i’m an afab nonbinary wlw and so regardless of the fact that i’m not cis, i have a lot more privilege than trans women do in wlw spaces and i know i need to be doing what i can to make wlw spaces safe for trans women & girls.

and the post i rb’d did just have pretty shitty & confrontational wording, which i didn’t think about when rb’ing it. i’m sorry again for that! 

my reasoning in rb’ing that post was the same as when i rb posts asking wlw to examine their views; not that everyone of the groups in question are inherently shitty in some way, but that we all could use reminders to reflect sometimes and that occasionally people will be misinformed or have a shitty view/shitty views - but that that’s not the norm. i also felt more ok rb’ing this post bc i for a very long time id’d as bi, and my attraction as a lesbian still is to women and nonbinary people who don’t feel misgendered by the attraction of a lesbian; some people would call me bi for that, but it’s a common lesbian experience. i really relate to what you said about choosing pan because it really clearly sends the message that you’re attracted to people regardless of gender, bc i chose lesbian as a label bc it sends the message that i’m Not attracted to men! it’s about how i want people to see me.

my reading of the post was connected to experiences i had with some pretty shitty transphobic ex coworkers; they didn’t know i wasn’t cis, but a number of my coworkers at the time were bi. transphobia/biphobia tw for the rest of this paragraph/ the ex coworkers were pan and they adamantly told me/other coworkers that bisexuality was attraction to men and women whereas pansexuality was attraction to men, women, and trans people. my assumption based off of them wasn’t that pan people are transphobic/that pan as an identity is inherently transphobic, but that they as individuals sucked and were transphobic & biphobic?

that experience does touch on what the post was about though, i think. since the bi manifesto written in 1990 “official” definitions of bisexuality have been stating that bi doesn’t just mean attraction to men and women, and that there are more than 2 genders; it’s society’s biphobia that causes people to think that bisexuality isn’t inherently inclusive of more than 2 genders/inherently inclusive of trans people. its clear to me that you know there’s overlap in the communities and that you’re not transphobic and again that’s my baseline assumption of pan or bi people! ik that stinkers are always the exception in communities.

i rb’d the post because i think self reflection on internalized bs is good, and i didn’t realize how confrontational & potentially shitty the post was; i’m really sorry that i rb’d it and made my blog feel unsafe & i’m going to do my best to be more thoughtful in the future. i hope that me sharing why i rb’d it doesn’t come across as an excuse, either; i’m just hoping knowing my intentions might help w/ the experience. 

(if ppl must know, link to the post here )

Hey cis people – really all binary people, but especially cis people – we need to have a chat about asking about pronouns and responding to non-binary people’s pronouns.

I’m sure you’ve heard over and over again on this site and in other LGBTQ+ spaces that you should really ask about a person’s pronouns, and I’ve noticed an increasing number of people who care about this actually going out of their way to do so. Which is great! I definitely appreciate that more people are asking instead of assuming. I’m even appreciative of the people who catch themselves and ask after realizing they did make an assumption. That’s still a step in the right direction.

However, ya really gotta follow up on this. I’ve noticed a number of trans educators or educational posts framing this as being as basic and casual as asking someone how their day is; I think that’s actually a really unfortunate comparison.

Let’s be real: most of the time, “hi how are you” is a rhetorical question, if not an outright statement. You don’t actually care. And the other person usually doesn’t want to get into it. Neither of you actually want that. So you nod and smile and say fine and move on with your lives.

Asking about pronouns is not and cannot be like this. If you ask me my pronouns and I tell you honestly, and you nod and smile, I am assuming that you have now agreed to USE those pronouns for me, in the same way that if you say “Hi, I’m ____; and you are...?” you’re agreeing to use whatever I tell you is my name.* If you proceed to deliberately not use them or apathetically fail to use them, I am going to be hurt or pissed or both.

(*I am aware that some people do this with names, too, and I hope it goes without saying that this is rude as hell and usually racist, and you shouldn’t do that, either.)

ALSO. If a non-binary person has the guts to answer you honestly with a set of pronouns you aren’t familiar with or really anything other than “they/them,” do NOT react with an, “ohhh, gee, um. Er, I’ll try…?” or outright laugh at them. Do not do this thing.

I’m gonna be honest: I started using they/them because I thought more people would get it right.

Not only was I wrong about that (about the same percentage of people who made an effort with ze/zir also make an effort with they/them) but I realized that part of why I switched was because I learned it wasn’t going to matter anyway, and asking for they/them rarely leads to being laughed at to my face or making people so uncomfortable that they avoid me and/or talking about me.

That’s just… idk that should just never happen. It sucks and it hurts and literally the only good thing that comes out of it is that I know instantly not to trust you with anything personal ever.

Anyway, it’s not enough to just ask. You have to be 100% prepared to do your best with whatever answer you get. You don’t get points for asking if it’s mostly to seem open-minded and not a real question with the actual intent of respecting that person.

Okay? Okay, good talk.

[If you are cis/a binary trans person you can reblog this & I encourage you to do so.] 

Attention All Legends of Superflarrow Fans

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the awesome diversity and representation in a lot of our fandoms’ fics/art/headcanons (seriously, I’m pretty proud of us) but it got me thinking, I’d really like to see more, and I’d especially like to see a platform for these diverse works to be shared and showcased.

What would people think of doing a Legends of Superflarrow Diversity Appreciation Week (which I’m totally open to renaming)?? I’m thinking sometime in August, to not conflict with other weeks. Each day would highlight a different marginalized/underrepresented group. So, one day might be a neurodivergence day, another might be a ladies day, or a disability day, or a religion day, or a race/ethnicity day, or a trans/non-binary day, etc. (If you have suggestions for possible days, let me know with and ask/message/reply/reblog)

Also, I am but one cis white girl, and would love help modding the week from a few people so the event itself is run by a diverse group (as I only have a queer/neuroatypical perspective on things) Let me know if you’re into helping! I’d super appreciate it!

Hopefully there’s interest in an event like this, because it think it would be a great opportunity to expand the diversity in our fandom, as well as explore stories that often get left out of Hollywood and network shows.

Review for: @yaltonrp

Under the read more is a review for Yalton RP. Reviews are my opinion and I will do my best to be constructive. If you have any questions or want to follow up with a message, feel free. Please like or reblog so I know you’ve seen this.

First Impressions: Your URL doesn’t give me much indication about what the group is, but it has the right kind of sound. It sounds like a mixture of Yale and Dalton, which are both prestigious sounding words. It makes me think it’s either some kind of academy or possibly a town RP. Your icon is nice and simple, but the purple is very eye-catching. 

Theme: I love this theme. It looks like a University homepage and its bright, clear, well laid out. You have good contrast levels, a nice color scheme with enough bold color without over-doing it, and everything seems to have enough space without being cramped together. The only thing I would possibly change is to have your body font be a sans serif font. Typically speaking, those are clearer and easier to read on web pages, with serif fonts being easier to read in print. That being said, it’s not a huge deal if you keep the font you have because the font is big and clear enough. I just think it would look more professional. Real life websites that use Times New Roman generally look cheap. Here's an example of a local college website in my area with a sans serif font: (x)

Graphics: I already said how much I like the colors. The purples and whites look really good together, and the large image of the front of the school on the header looks like somewhere I would like to go to college, as well as looking like something I’d see on a real college site rather than on a roleplay. Your character graphics have the same feel going for them, not too flashy, not too overcrowded, but with a nice balance of colors and a nice layout. 

Plot: There isn’t much to say here. It tells me a little bit about the history of the school which would give me some nice in-universe knowledge and context for my characters, but it’s just a basic school setting, which is fine. It seems like a laid back environment to write original characters. For roleplayers that want that kind of group, your plot is perfect. For people who like more plot driven and genre based groups, your roleplay probably isn’t for them, but I have a feeling that’s not what you’re going for anyway.  

Rules: Your rules are fine. They lay out clearly what’s expected in terms of your behavior and activity. I do think asking for activity every 4 days on a plotless group with no character limit may be a bit much, because without an ongoing plot, it can be difficult to find plots and threads for all your characters, but I understand you want activity to be regular. I tend to view 5-7 days as a good activity limit as it allows people more time to not have muse or prioritise other life events, but 4 days is the minimum I’d expect as reasonable. It’s also great that you discuss triggers and smut. I would also suggest a rule about having an accessible blog (clear, easy to navigate, decent font size, etc) for the inclusion of visually impaired people and people with disabilities. 

I like your rule about diverse face claims and what that entails, although I think you could be a bit clearer about trans and non binary characters. It can be difficult to find transgender face claims due to a lack of resources, and while as a trans person I can definitely say a trans face is preferable, sometimes I find myself using a cis faceclaim for a trans role simply because I can’t find anyone else that fits. So in that case, would you be judging by the face claim, or the character? 

Bios: I’m of the opinion that tagging triggers in a bio is best practice as it gives people an overview of what to expect before they read any further, meaning they don’t have to read any content they aren’t comfortable with, so kudos on that. You have a good range of face claims already, especially considering so few characters have been posted. Your bios are a good length and tell you what you need to know about the character. I’m unsure of using the term cis to describe an intersex character as many intersex people aren’t comfortable with this assessment (you can read more here). It might simply be better to describe Young Jin as an ‘intersex male’, though considering I’m not intersex, I’m not an authority on this. I’d just suggest researching how intersex people typically feel about being labelled either cis or trans. 

App: You ask for pronouns and triggers, which is basically the minimum I expect from a roleplay these days, but it’s surprising how many don’t do it. You ask for everything you need to know about the player and character, and I appreciate the fact you don’t ask for an IC sample because when you’re trying out new OCs it can be difficult to write new samples for each of them when you’re just learning about them. 

Admins: No mascot posts, you have a great tone and seem really nice and professional as well as being informed about the importance of diversity. You have a page about yourselves that makes you sound nice and friendly, and I feel like I know a little about you so that I can message you with things.

Anything else: Not that I can think of.

Would I join/rec: I would do both, which is strange considering I’m usually one of the people who wants a more plot/genre driven RP. It seems like a nice, relaxed place to play your original characters.