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Bungou Stray Dogs Episode #2: A Certain Bomb Transcript

This episode has a bomber threatening the Agency.

{Caption: I haven’t smelled tatami mats in a long time}

Atsushi [narrating]: I haven’t smelled tatami mats…in a long time.

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Atsushi: Ehum…ahuh? Where am I? What happened last night? Eum…was it…a dream?

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Dazai [flashback]: Do you remember anything from when you were transformed?

Atsushi [flashback]: What are you talking about?

Dazai [flashback]: Oh! Look at that, your right hand didn’t change back.

Atsushi [flashback]: My right hand?

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Atsushi: Eeheeauh! Eaugh! Heah, heah, heah…phew! Sleeping under a roof feels…so good.

Phone: Ring!

(Atsushi: Dueh, what?!)

Atsushi: What?! Euh, uh, what?!

Phone: Ring!

Atsushi: Huh? Oh, okay, I’ll get it! I’m coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming! Uhuah, I’m doing it right this second! Which button am I supposed to push? This one? Uh, no, no, no! Uh, this one? Eah, come on, yes? Hello?

(Phone: Ring! Ring! Ring!)

Dazai: And good morning to you!

Atsushi: Oh. Hi, Dazai.

Dazai: It’s another beautiful day! What do you think of your new accommodations?

Atsushi: They’re great, thanks. I mean, compared to sleeping outside, this place is like heaven to me.

Dazai: I’m happy to hear that. The change of clothes at your pillow was a gift from everyone at the agency.

Atsushi: Oh, wow! Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me!

Dazai: By the way, Atsushi, I apologize for asking, but…

Atsushi: Ehuh?

Dazai: I need help with a teensy-weensy emergency.

Atsushi: Emergency?

Dazai: Yes. And it’s quite urgent.

(Atsushi: Duehuh!)

Dazai: I’ll give you the specific location and I need you to meet me there immediately. This is a crisis and you’re the only one who can help, understand?

Atsushi: Uh, okay. I understand.

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Dazai: Listen carefully. Are you ready, Atsushi?

Atsushi: Yes!

Dazai: First, when you leave the room, make sure you close and lock the door. Then, look behind you.

Atsushi: Behind me? Neauh! Eheaheah…heaheaheah…heauh! Ehuah! Uh…what are you doing?

Dazai: What do you think?

Atsushi: I think I’m hallucinating this whole thing?

Dazai: Wrong! Guess again.

Atsushi: An attack from a dangerous suspect? Or did you get caught in a trap?

Dazai: I got in myself.

Atsushi: Ehwah?!

{Text in purple speech bubble: ?}

Dazai: Well, you see, I read about this fascinating way to commit suicide by getting stuck in an oil drum…

{Caption #1: Diagram}

Dazai: …so I decided to give it a shot. Securing the feet is key.

{Caption #2: Securing the feet is the key}

Dazai: But now that I’ve managed to do that, I’m really just suffering. I’ve wedged myself in pretty deep, and I can’t get out on my own. I might die.

Atsushi: I see…so this is a way to commit suicide. You chose to do it and you think that it’s working; I don’t see what the problem is.

Dazai [echoing due to the drum]: I like the idea of suicide, but I’m not at all interested in pain and suffering. Who wants that?

Atsushi: All right…

(Dazai [muffled due to the drum]: Also, I only learned after the fact…)

Dazai [muffled due to the drum]: …this isn’t actually a form of suicide.

Atsushi: Ehah…

Dazai [muffled due to the drum]: It’s more a form of torture---

Atsushi: There.

Dazai: AHAUOAH!

Atsushi [narrating]: My name is Atsushi Nakajima.

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Atsushi [narrating]: Just last night, I turned into a wild tiger and went on a destructive rampage. This man, Osamu Dazai, brought me back to normal.

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Dazai: Mmmeheueh…ah!

Atsushi [narrating]: Dazai has a special power, and he’s not alone. He works with a team of people endowed with supernatural gifts in the Armed Detective Agency.

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Dazai [flashback]: Atsushi Nakajima!

Atsushi [flashback]: Ehuah!

Dazai [flashback]: From this day forward, you’re going to be one of us.

Atsushi [flashback]: Eheuh…

Dazai [flashback]: You’re the new member of the Armed Detective Agency.

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Dazai: Huah, that was painful! I owe you a favor, Atsushi. Without your ingenious help, I would’ve eventually snapped in two at the waist. Huah, such agony.

Atsushi: Why didn’t you call your other coworkers? Couldn’t they have helped you get out of the barrel?

Dazai: Oh, I called them all right. I told them I was at death’s door. They didn’t understand my predicament. They were all like, “Well, congratulations! You’re finally doing it!”

Atsushi: Supportive friends. Hehehe, ehehehehehe…

Dazai: Geez!

(Atsushi: Ehehe!)

Dazai: Anyone gifted with supernatural powers isn’t totally right in the head.

Atsushi’s thoughts: Gifted…hm!

Atsushi: Dazai…

Dazai: Hm?

Atsushi: Everyone at the Armed Detective Agency, eh, I mean the private investigators…they’re all gifted with powers, right?

Dazai: Right. We’re an armed force, taking on enemies the police don’t stand a chance against.

Atsushi: Then I don’t stand a chance at joining the Agency.

Dazai: What are you talking about? You’re plenty gifted.

Atsushi: It’s true that I have the supernatural ability to turn into a tiger…but what good is it if I have absolutely no control over my power? I’m not even aware of it once I start to transform…and I can’t will myself to change into a wild tiger. So I don’t understand how I’d be of any use, even if I could join. I really appreciate the offer though. I am sorry.

Dazai: Very well. What’s your plan then?

Atsushi: I’ve decided I’ll look for a low-skilled, low-wage job I can handle. I’m just a little afraid it won’t be very easy to find.

Dazai: I think I may know of the perfect job for you.

Atsushi: Ehuah?

Dazai: I might even be able to help you get it.

Atsushi: Seriously?

{Caption: Episode 2: A Certain Bomb}

Atsushi: Thank you so much!

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Dazai: We’ll meet with the supervisor. He’ll give you all the details about the work, your coworkers, and the organization. I’ve got a good feeling about this. He’ll love you.

Atsushi: What’s the job title?

Dazai: No point spoiling the fun. But just so you know, there may be a test of sorts.

Atsushi: Neah! A test?

Dazai: Atsushi, can you read and write?

Atsushi: I can; they taught me at the orphanage school.

Dazai: Great! Then you’ll be perfect.

Atsushi: Huah…

Dazai: Yes, you’ll be just fine at this place. I guarantee it.

Atsushi: Thank you so much.

Dazai: Ahaha, you better thank me! Just leave it to me and everything will be fine, don’t you worry. After all, I am Dazai.

Dazai [in a deeper voice]: The most trusted member of the Armed Detective Agency and a true hero to adoring fans everywhere.

Kunikida: I’VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU, DAZAI!

Kunikida’s footsteps: CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP…

Kunidida: YOU BANDAGE-SQUANDERING MACHINE!

(Kunikida’s footsteps: …CLOMP CLOMP!)

(Atsushi: Geeueh!)

Dazai: AUUUUAAAGH!

{Caption: Bandage-Squandering Machine?! That stung, just a little}

Dazai: Oh you, Kunikida!

Dazai [in a deeper voice]: Why couldn’t you come up with a better nickname?

Kunikida: Because you’re delusional! You think you’re the most trusted member of the Agency?! You get more complaints than anyone else! People curse you out on a regular basis!

Atsushi: Really?

{Caption: Calls about complaints, curses…and grievances?}

Dazai: Whaaaat? No way! Since when did I ever get a complaint?

{Text on book: Ideal}

Kunikida: Here was a call we received in August.

Kunikida [in a deeper voice, imitating another man]: A so-called employee of yours has been caught in our off-shore fishing net. Can you come retrieve him?

Atsushi: Eah…

Kunikida: Here is a call from September.

Kunikida [in an old man’s voice]: Some weirdo’s gotten himself buried on my farm. Could he be one of yours?

Atsushi: Neah…

Dazai: Weauh!

Kunikida: A call in the same month.

(Dazai: Wha? Eh! Hah!)

Kunikida [in a woman’s voice]: That skinny rat needs to pay his tab, okay? All six months’ worth!

Dazai: I’m flabbergasted! WHO KNEW YOU WERE SO SKILLED AT DOING IMPRESSIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE?!

Kunikida: Geargh! You worthless cat! STOP RIDICULING ME!

(Dazai: Eugh! Heheueh…heh euh…)

Kunikida: I’m gonna shake you silly until…

Atsushi: I’m starting to have second thoughts about accepting his help. Maybe I should just look for a job on my own.

(Kunikida: …you TAKE ME SERIOUSLY! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR ANTICS! DO YOU HEAR ME?! GAAAAHHH!)

Kunikida: Oh, right.

Atsushi: Eah?

Kunikida: I just lost a whole minute with this idiot.

(Dazai: Eheh…)

Kunikida: He’s got a knack for wasting my time. We’ve gotta get to the Agency!

Dazai: We do?

Kunikida: We have an emergency. A man has taken a hostage and…threatened to blow up our office!

Dazai: Aheah!

Atsushi: A mad bomber?

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Atsushi: Uaeh…

Kunikida: What? What’s your question? The Agency’s on the fourth floor.

Atsushi: Eh, no, I wasn’t thinking about that, it was more, well---

Dazai: Let’s take the stairs, to be safe.

Atsushi: E---Excuse me, but I don’t---

Kunikida: Quiet!

Atsushi: Duoh…sorry.

{Text on nameplate: Armed detective agency}

Dazai: Atsushi. It’s showtime.

Atsushi: It is?

Bomber: I can’t…I can’t take it anymore.

Secretary #1: Huah!

Bomber: It’s all your fault. The awful Armed Detective Agency’s fault. Now where’s the president? BRING ME THE PRESIDENT!

Hostage: Oh!

Bomber: If you don’t, I’ll blow everyone in this place to kingdom come!

(Hostage: Heah…heah!)

Hostage: Aauah!

Dazai: Sounds like this guy has a personal grudge. That’s inconvenient.

Kunikida: Agreed.

Atsushi: Why’d you bring me here again?

Kunikida: Based on what he’s saying, the bomber seems furious at the Agency.

Atsushi: Honestly, I don’t think I can help you; may I go now?

Dazai: Because of the work we do, we attract a lot of ill will.

(Bomber: Heah…deauh…)

Atsushi: Did you hear what I said?

Dazai: That is a military-grade, high-level explosive. If the bomber acts on his threat and detonates it, he’ll kill us and destroy the whole floor.

Atsushi: Oh no.

Dazai: We may be able to reduce the force of the blast…if we can find something to cover the bomb before it detonates.

{Text on dome: Safety First}

Dazai: But given the circumstances…since he took her hostage, he’s not only mad, he’s cruel.

Atsushi: Do you know who she is?

Dazai: Her name is Naomi. She’s a part-time office assistant.

(Naomi: Huaeh!)

Atsushi: She’s not an agent?!

(Naomi: Neah!)

Atsushi: Then she’s just an innocent victim in this terrible mess.

Kunikida: So what do we do?

Atsushi: Neauh!

Dazai: He wants to see the president. Bring him here.

Kunikida: Are you insane?! He’ll try to kill the president! We can’t let the boss walk into a bad situation like this! Plus, he’s off on a business trip.

Dazai: Right, I forgot. Then there’s only one option. Hm!

Kunikida: Eum!

Atsushi’s thoughts: Are they gonna use their powers?

Dazai: Heuah!

Kunikida: Deauh!

Dazai, Kunikida: Heah! Ha! Geah!

Dazai: Hahahahahaha!

(Kunikida: Grr…)

Dazai: Neeneeneeneenee nee…

(Kunikida: Grraugh…)

Kunikida: Hey.

Bomber: Eheah!

Kunikida: Easy does it, kid.

Bomber: Stay away! I only wanna see the president! Don’t you try anything funny, or I’ll blow this place to bits.

Kunikida: Okay.

Bomber: I know who you are. You’re Kunikida. You want me to lower my guard, so you can use that annoying ability of yours to stop me. Well, that sure ain’t happening. Lay down on that desk on your hands and knees, and keep both feet above your head!

Kunikida: Huh?

Bomber: Ge, geah…you’ll do exactly as I say, or I’m taking everyone here down with me!

Kunikida: Fine.

Dazai: This is bad. Because of his personal grudge against the Agency, he’s done his research on all the members’ names and faces. If I go out there and try to talk to him, it’ll only make him more angry. Oh my. Whatever shall we do now?

Atsushi: Euah!

Atsushi’s thoughts: Uh oh! I just got a really bad feeling!

Dazai: At-su-shi, can---

Atsushi: Absolutely not!

Dazai: I haven’t even said anything yet.

Atsushi: I already know what you’re gonna ask.

Dazai: Listen to me, Atsushi. You’re the only option. You’re not a formal member and the bomber doesn’t know you at all.

Atsushi: Ehuah! You’re right. But if I go, I won’t be able to do anything. Ehoah?

Dazai: You’ll be fine.

Atsushi: Auh!

Dazai: We just need you to distract him for a little while. Try talking to him; we’ll take care of everything else. Let me think here…ah, how about you put on an act? Make it depressing, like you think you’re a real worthless human being. I know you can do it. Ahaha, right? Here’s some props.

Atsushi: Eum…

Dazai: Trust me. Scuffles on this scale are child’s play compared to what we normally deal with. You can handle this, Atsushi.

Atsushi: Ehum…

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Atsushi: D---D---D---Do---Don’t do it!

Bomber: Dauh!

Atsushi: W---W---Wh---What are you h---hoping to get out of this? I---I bet this would make your parents really sad.

Bomber: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!

Atsushi: Eheah!

{Caption #1: S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S…}

Atsushi: Eheah, deh, I’m sorry. Heah, eh!

{Caption #1a: …Scary}

Bomber: I don’t know who you are; you’re not with the Agency.

Atsushi: Deah! I---I---I---I’m a newspaper boy; I was just passing by as I was on my route.

Bomber: Why the hell would you get involved in this situation?

Atsushi: Because what you’re doing isn’t right. No matter how you feel, you shouldn’t threaten to kill people. Think about the wonderful things worth living for.

Bomber: Yeah? Like what?

Atsushi: Huh?!

Bomber: What’s something to live for?

(Caption: Wait a minute…Did you just start that thought without thinking it through?}

Atsushi: Deeah!

Bomber: Auagh!

Atsushi: Eheauh…y---yummy tea on rice!

{Caption: S…S…Sure...that’s true}

Atsushi: Tea on rice is a reason to live!

Bomber: Hm?

Atsushi: Oh, a---a---and sleeping somewhere with a roof over your head! Waking up under a roof is great! And when you open your eyes, every day is a new day. But…

(Bomber: Auh…geeh!)

Bomber: Eaum?

Atsushi: If you push that button, neither of us will ever see another new day. And that’s because we’ll be dead.

Bomber: I understand the concept.

Atsushi: WAAAIIIT! See…I really don’t think you’ve thought about this from all the angles. I mean, if you die…you’re really dead! I’m sure you wish you were dead sometimes, but there are many people who keep on living even though their lives are completely awful. Oh! People like me! I don’t have any family, and no friends either. I even got chased out of an orphanage. I have nowhere to go and no hope for the future. What’s worse, I turn into a wild tiger. Yeah, you heard me right!

Bomber: Ouah?

Atsushi: In fact, it might be true that I lack redeeming qualities, and everyone agrees I’m a useless member of society, but I’m still alive and I haven’t gone psycho!

(Bomber: Huah…geah…)

Dazai: Doing great, Atsushi. It’s almost like this performance isn’t just an act for you.

Atsushi: Now why don’t you put down that bomb detonator…

Bomber: Deauh!

Atsushi: …and we can look for jobs together! Okay?!

{Caption: You already forgot you’re pretending to deliver newspapers?}

Bomber: Eh, no thanks. I’m not exactly lookin’ for work these days. Ehueh…

Dazai: Now, Kunikida!

Kunikida: Already on it. Ability…

{Caption: Doppop Poet}

Kunikida: …Doppo Poet! WIRE GUN!

{Text on paper: Wire Gun}

Atsushi, Bomber: Eaeuh!

Bomber: Crap! Eah, auh!

Dazai: Get him, Kunikida!

Kunikida: Like I already said, I’M ON IT!

(Bomber: Eah…deah…dauh!)

Bomber: DAUGH! OOH! Deaugh…

Dazai: Okay, everyone. One man down. Well done.

Atsushi: Heah…huah!

Secretaries: Hahahaha! Hehehehe!

(Secretary #2: Awauh!)

Kunikida: “One man down”?! Are you kidding me?

(Secretaries: Hehehehe…eah?)

Dazai: Eh?

Kunikida: Fine, so it was just one guy, but I had to do all the hard physical work, unlike you. You’re all talk and no action.

Dazai: Aw, now you’re just being ridiculous. That was my only option. After all, you lost at rock-paper-scissors.

Kunikida: You bastard!

Dazai: Come on. All’s well that ends well, teammate. I’m just glad you’re still in one piece. But speaking of your health, I’ve been meaning to tell you: I heard that if you’re too neurotic, your aging becomes accelerated.

Kunikida: Neauh! Really, is that true?

Dazai: Yes, you should write this down.

Kunikida: A tip for better longevity: if you’re too neurotic, your aging becomes accelerated…

Dazai: I’m messing with you.

(Kunikida: …according to Dazai)

Kunikida: DAH!

Dazai: Guah!

Kunikida: You little weasel; I’m gonna teach you to STOP RIDICULING ME!

Bomber: Geah! Dah ha hauh…dah!

(Kunikida: Aeuh…auagh!)

Kunikida: What the hell?!

Bomber: Now you’ll pay!

(Atsushi, Naomi: Huah!)

Bomber: I swear…anyone with supernatural powers is not totally right in the head.

Bomb: BEEP!

Atsushi: Thirty seconds left ‘til detonation!

Kunikida: Hey, kid!

Bomber: No way!

(Kunikida: DAUH!)

Atsushi: Kunikida! What do I do? Deauh!

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Dazai [flashback]: We may be able to reduce the force of the blast if we can find something to cover it before it detonates.

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Atsushi: Something to cover the bomb! Something! There’s nothing here! Eah!

Naomi: Hueah!

Atsushi: Eheh…eheaheheaheheah…deah!

Naomi: Oh! Eaumph!

Dazai: Deah! Atsushi! Huah?!

Atsushi: Well, I guess I’m crazy to do this.

Dazai: You fool!

Kunikida: No, don’t!

Atsushi: Ehdeauh!

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Atsushi: Eheuaheuah, ehueh…eheauh…

Kunikida: Geez…

Atsushi: Ehuah?

Kunikida: You know, I figured the kid was stupid, just not that stupid.

Atsushi: Huh?

Dazai: He even has the talent to become a suicidal maniac. Wouldn’t you agree with me…Tanizaki?

Tanizaki: Sorry. Are you okay?

Atsushi: Huh?

Naomi: Oh, my sweet big brother!

Tanizaki: Eeh!

Naomi: Please tell me you’re all right!

Atsushi: What?

{Caption #1: Tanizaki Junichirou. Ability: Light Snow}

{Caption #2: His Younger Sister Tanizaki Naomi}

Naomi: Deauh! You were so wonderful as the villain! I believed every second of it! I had the time of my life being tied up! And I loved how intense and dangerous it felt! Please, promise me we’ll continue where we left off once we get home!

(Tanizaki: Aahuahuahaahaah, aah, aah, aaheah, aahuahuah, hehehe! Um, aah, um, deauah!)

Atsushi: Ehumehumehum! So she was in on the entire thing too?

Kunikida: You mad? If you’re upset, you should blame Dazai. Or yourself. After all, you chose an idiot like him to help you find work.

Atsushi: Wait, does that mean this is the job?

Dazai: It sure is. I told you there was a test involved.

Atsushi: As in, an entrance exam?

Fukuzawa: Exactly right.

Secretary #3: The exam has been completed without any complications, President.

Fukuzawa: I see.

Atsushi: President?

Fukuzawa: Dazai came to my office saying his work had brought him in contact with a capable young man.

{Caption #1: President of the Armed Detective Agency}

{Caption #2: Fukuzawa Yukichi. Ability: All Men Are Created Equal}

Fukuzawa: But I needed more than his word, so I had him test your mettle.

Atsushi: Ahuah…

Dazai: You did well. I brought up the idea that the Agency hire you, but since you’ve been designated a major threat throughout the ward, there was disagreement as to whether we should take you in.

Fukuzawa: Then Dazai asked me a question.

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Dazai [flashback]: President. What if the most gifted person in the world came into your office, wanting to work here? Would you hire them?

Fukuzawa [flashback]: Power alone doesn’t make one fit to be a member of the Agency.

Dazai [flashback]: Hm…that’s exactly why I’m recommending him.

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Kunikida: With that in mind, are you ready to make your decision?

Dazai: Hm!

Atsushi: Aheuah…

Fukuzawa: I’ll let Dazai decide.

Dazai: You can trust me, sir.

Atsushi: Geah, hold on, Dazai. This is all happening too fast. Does this mean the job you told me about this morning was…

Dazai: You apparently passed the test. Welcome to the Armed Detective Agency, Atsushi Nakajima.

Tanizaki: Not again!

Naomi: Great! I’m glad I was able to help!

Tanizaki: Congratulations! You passed your big exam.

Atsushi: Ah, no no, no! This job is way too violent for me. And you people are completely reckless.

Dazai: Yet you’re the one who threw yourself on a bomb to protect the rest of us. That takes a special kind of person.

Naomi: You know he’s right! I can’t believe how brave you were!

Dazai: You’ll do fine working here.

Atsushi: Will I?

{Caption: Secretary Haruno Kirako}

Haruno: Have you reached a decision, sir? Do you think the young man performed competently enough to join the Agency?

Fukuzawa: Hm?

Haruno: Hm? Oh, a tea leaf standing straight up. I think that's a very good omen, President.

Fukuzawa: Slurp…eum, too hot.

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Dazai: Now, obviously…

Atsushi: Nehuah?

Dazai: We can’t force you to join. But if you don’t, there are a lot of considerations that cause me to worry for your future. You’ll have to vacate your present Agency-owned living accommodations, you don’t really have any specialized skills, nor do you have friends or any personal contacts in the city. That will make finding a job very difficult. And let’s not forget, you are a wanted tiger with a bounty on your head.

(Atsushi: Euam…mmhm…ehuam…)

Atsushi: HUAEH!

Dazai: Should anyone discover that personal detail, you’d get fired. Or worse, you’d be captured, tied up, and maybe shot dead.

Atsushi: SH---SH---SHOT DEAD?!

Dazai: But if you were with the Agency…you would be a much happier story.

Atsushi: Neauh! So I’m stuck here.

Naomi: Welcome aboard! We’re excited to work with you, Atsushi!

(Atsushi: Ehgeargh…)

Naomi: Right, sweet brother?

(Tanizaki: Duoh! Eeaugh…)

Kunikida: Remember to follow the rules, rookie.

Dazai: Well, I’m glad it’s settled.

Atsushi: Oh brother!

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Woman: The weretiger has been located.

{Caption: Episode 3: Yokohama Gangster Paradise}

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Atsushi: So, Dazai, tell me, what did you do before you entered the Agency?

Dazai: Take a guess! If you get it right, I’ll give you a prize of 700,000 yen.

Atsushi: 700,000?!

Dazai: Meanwhile, we have a guest at the Agency office. It looks like there’s been another incident.

Atsushi: Next time on Bungou Stray Dogs, Episode 3: Yokohama Gangster Paradise.

{Caption: Episode 3: Yokohama Gangster Paradise}

Dazai: Think about it: I could have been a manga artist, or even an anime producer!

#anime #anime transcripts #anime dub transcripts #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs transcripts

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penpalspencil · 2 years

Text

*pitter patter* *pitter patter* *pitter patter* *plop*

[ID: a gif of a TBH creature walking in an 'S' shape, starting from the upper right to the lower left. It then stops and curls up. The gif is non-looping. End ID]

#tbh #autistic eyes #autism #autistic #animation #pennys art #edit: adding image id. thanks magnoliae and ravenwatchalchemist for the transcripts!

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luminouslotuses · 2 months

Text

tommy: hello jaiden.

jaiden [chuckling]: hello–

tommy: i am the god, i am godinnit.

jaiden: hello, godinnit.

tommy: yeess. take–

jaiden: yeah.

[tommy tosses a podzol block to jaiden]

tommy: –my podzol. take this to the end.

jaiden: what is– podzol, what is podzol?

tommy: you will meet my wife there. did you know–

jaiden: okay!

tommy: fun minecraft fact for you, the ender dragon– [a singular note of “able sisters” from animal crossing plays] the ender dragon– [tommy laughs] the ender dragon was actually a girl!

jaiden: was that one– animal crossing bass riff?

[tommy laughs, and jaiden chuckles]

tommy: oh, you noticed! you noticed it was the able sisters!!

jaiden: yeah, of course i do. [chuckles]

[a beat of silence, then “able sisters” begins to play again]

tommy: you’re my new best friend.

[jaiden laughs]

#RAGHAHHHGAH i love their dynamic #in case anyone’s wondering; this is from an old stream during jaiden’s subathon! december 2022 i think and the vod’s up on her vod channel!#jaiden animations #tommyinnit #miscellaneous clips #transcripts #cliché

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royalarchivist · 10 months

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Jaiden: Do you trust me 100% as a person on the Island? Cellbit: Oh for sure, yeah, I mean– there are like, really few people that I can say I actually trust, you are one of them. And you know why? Jaiden: Why? Cellbit: I got like a mail in the Festa Junina that I think it was from you, that kinda like... was really aggressive and kind of sorta like a menace, and was like– Jaiden: I don't know who– it could've been anyone, I don't know.

A late-night conversation about trust. I really love Jaiden and Cellbit's friendship :') Also for context, this is the letter Jaiden wrote to Cellbit:

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

Jaiden: And I– I do want to ask– like, I know that, you know... People have opinions, and people are doing things, but I don't... Do you trust me 100% as a person on the Island?

Cellbit: Oh for sure, yeah, I mean– there are like, really few people that I can say I actually trust, you are one of them. And you know why?

Jaiden: Why?

Cellbit: Because you anta– uhhh. I got like a mail in the Festa Junina that I think it was from you, that kinda like... was really aggressive and kind of sorta like a menace, and was like–

Jaiden: I don't know who– it could've been anyone, I don't know [Laughs]

Cellbit: [Laughs] And then I was like, "Oh sh*t, ok yeah, so she actually– she actually, like you actually care for people that you love, you know? And like, you wanna protect who you care for.

Jaiden: Of course.

Cellbit: And that made me realize that I trust someone like that, because if someone is always like, so nice, and like so, "whoaa cute" with everyone, there's probably something going on there, right?

Jaiden: Yeah...

Cellbit: But when you go out of your way to protect who you love, that's when you're trustworthy.

Jaiden: Yeah of course.

Cellbit: And that's why I trust you, because you tried to fight ME because of Roier!

Jaiden: [Laughs] Well yeah, you pulled a couple moves that were not that cool in my eyes.

Cellbit: Yeah, yeah I know, I fcked up, I fcked up, yes I agree with you.

Jaiden: Yeah, I know. All water under the bridge.

Cellbit: So yeah, that's what made me trust you even more, because you actually came and like, put me on my place, you know? And that made me like you even more.

Jaiden: I'm glad, I'm glad. I was like– I was like, "This might be mean, but I don't really care." [Laughs]

Cellbit: Yeah, but sometimes you need to be mean to people, you know? That's–

Jaiden: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cellbit: That's– that's needed sometimes.

#QSMP #Jaiden Animations #Cellbit #Guapoduo #Spiderbit #Jaiden #Tumblr crashed so many times but thank god I had the foresight to copy the transcript when I finished #anyways I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH

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saintarmand · 9 months

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iwtv + animals: dogs

#several ppl mentioned the dog motif on the bird post so here u go<3 doing rats and cats too. tho theres not that many cat things #if there's been mentions of dogs by breed other than mastiff and beauceron i didnt catch them #cause i found the ones i didnt remember by searching the transcripts and i wouldnt have known what to search #if there are any lmk and i'll add them #iwtv #connecting dots #vampfam #iwtv animals #s #interview with the vampire #vampterview

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piningpebbles · 9 months

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the dream smp journey: attempting to make the lore of the dream smp more accessible.

so back when i first wanted to get into the dream smp i had absolutely no idea where to start. i asked some people and they told me pretty much “look up dream smp + [insert youtuber name] and start there” and so i did, but i quickly came to realize how much i was missing from the story by not seeing all the different points of view.

so i decided to make my own playlist.

it was just for myself at first, but as i got more obsessed with the story, i also gave the link to some friends of mine so they could have the full experience, and they loved it. so i kept updating it.

my goal was to try and make a capsule of the entirety of the lore on the dream smp across almost every single POV, because while i do appreciate those who make recap videos, they always miss something and it’s usually with peoples’ POV who aren’t considered to be “main characters” which sucks because one of my favorite things about the dream smp was how everyone was their own main character with their own individual storyline you could get invested in.

i’ve seen every single video in the playlist, and did my absolute best to discern what should be included and what didn’t need to be.

for instance, while i personally enjoyed streams where they’d just goof off, this is a lore-centric playist so i didn’t include all of them unless one of the jokes or such gets mentioned/becomes important later on. or if there is a lore event happening but two people have almost identical streams to one another then i decided between the two of them which one to keep. or if the cc themself made an edited version of their experience, i would decide whether to go with that or keep the original vod

it’s far from perfect. i tried to keep up with it as long as i could I STILL HAVE VIDEOS IN MY WATCH LATER THAT I PLANNED TO ADD but simply put while the dream smp storyline got longer and longer it became harder to keep up with. i watched pretty much all the streams when they happened but failed to update the playlist accordingly so right now it has almost everything up until ”Hitting on 16.”

i always wanted to finish it before i posted it, but i’ve been seeing people talk about how they miss the experience of watching the dream smp and while i obviously can’t provide the full interactive experience that the dream smp offered as it came out, i knew i couldn’t just keep this in my back pocket and thought i could at least offer a good chunk of the experience for you guys to still be able to keep!

here’s the playlist, spanning over 300 videos.

there’s also a semi-canon playlist (not nearly as thorough) for events that get mentioned by the cc’s a lot or are just cool to have and i wanted to include them somewhere so here it is also!!

to go along with it i also made a masterpost (can you tell i love making lists) which is what every single video on the playlist is supposed to be (and was last i checked, but videos get taken down every so often so there might be a couple missing here and there).

i hope to update this one day and have it fully finished, but with my schedule (full-time college student babyyyy) and simply the hundreds of hours of content i’d need to sift through it just seems impossible (and frankly just really intimidating) to challenge alone right now. so i also wanted to give this to the community to maybe be able to do what i couldn’t!

my hope with this is that if someone in a year or two (or whenever really) is interested in the dream smp they won’t have to sit through recap videos and instead can watch the real thing in a single playlist connected to the doc. my dream is for the masterpost and the playlist to go hand-in-hand, being like a guide people can follow that would also link to other moments and lore that is saved but just not avaliable on youtube, so we don’t have all these moments just lost to time.

i want to make this collaborative, i’m hoping this will maybe spark others to share what videos/moments they have saved and stored with each other for the dream smp and maybe together we could complete this thing somehow!! make the playlist and masterpost i dreamed of (the one right now is scuffed, but at least it’s something). the dream smp is one of my absolute favorite pieces of media out there and i want to share this with people but (as you can probably tell) i have no idea what i’m doing!! any step to help make the story more readily accessible is a good one, though!

i know i’ve missed things but i’ve done my best. and while not the perfectly polished thing i hoped it would be when i sent it out to the world maybe it could be a good building block for the community to use. so please share this!! reblog it!! all that jazz!! i want this to be for everyone!!

anyways, this is a long post. but the whole reason i got into the dream smp in the first place was because of the awesome fan content i saw and this crazy and creative community and i want to be able to give back, if i can.

#dream smp #the dream smp journey #dream smp lore #mcyt #tommyinnit #jack manifold #c!tommy #c!jack #(sorry jack and tommy gotta use you to cross-tag)#(is it even crosstagging if they're IN the playlist?.... lot to think about)#i really wanted to add more to this #my goal was to catch up on all the videos and then go back and transcribe each one (or link pre-existing transcriptions)#and then add content warnings if need be #i had this idea too where say you just finished up the nov.16th lore after that it would be cool to link you to sad-ist's animation!!#just things like that! i had a lot of things i was thinking about #anyways thanks for reading my c!jack analysis posts throughout all this time now you may have my massive lore bank i've been holding onto #cheers!!!#rambling rocks #like.. holy shit #will this even turn into anything? i don't know. i hope so #i want to come back to this and give it the TLC it deserves #but until i find the time + motivation for that i didn't want to keep it just to myself #i just hope this is a good step towards making the dream smp story more accessible to people #pebble post

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100yearoldcomics · 1 year

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August 7, 1922 Everett True by A.D. Condo

[ID: Everett stands grumpily on the front porch of a neighbor's house, holding up a small white cat. /end] Everett: I see you folks are back from your two weeks' vacation. Here's your cat you left wandering around the neighborhood to half starve.

[ID: Everett sets the cat down, who begins rubbing herself against Everett's legs. The neighbor happily bends down to look. /end] Neighbor: Why, she seems well nourished at that, Mr. True.

[ID: Everett takes the man's head and slams it to the ground. His cat jumps away. /end] Everett: Yes, in the two weeks, she has eaten nine dollars' worth of cream, meat and fish that I ordered for her and had charged to your accounts!!! [INFLATION GUIDE: In 2022 dollars, that's a grocery bill of about $160. /end]

#newspaper comics #vintage #history #1922 #everett true #transcript available #1920s #everett true stands up for the pets of America once more #outdoor cats #negligent pet owners #tw: animal cruelty #(implied)#it takes a village

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tyforthevnm · 1 year

Video

LS Dunes, Prague, February 5, 2023 | src

Anthony: Uhh.. what the fuck just happened? I don’t know how but I feel like you just made [inaudible] Frank: If the next thing isn’t pants, we’re gonna have a problem. Anthony: Like a little [inaudible] comes up. Tell you what: those are some nice slippies. Frank: Thank you. Sorry, so as I was saying it’s hard to find something for me that’s more on brand than losing your medication in the mosh pit of the L.S. Dunes show. Which then - and this is probably why I messed up a little part of the song that we just played because I was thinking like, instead of merch booth, we should just have a pharmacy in the back. If something happens and you need.. Anthony: A psychiatrist? Frank: Yeah! Anthony: A trauma therapist. Frank: It’s like a fucking Peanuts cartoon, really. Anthony: Even like a support, like an emotional support animal, with bubbles. Frank: Yes, oh fuck yes! We’d have to play at a really low volume if we have an emotional support animal. Anthony: We can put him in a little booth. We’ll figure it out later!

#frank iero #anthony green #lsdunesprague #ls dunes #honda longsleeve #black jacket vest #silver guitar #skeleton slippers #video #rica.archive #february 2023 #2023 #transcript #emotional support animal #slipper catch #ls dunes pharmacy

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animals-making-noises · 3 months

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#no transcription #comic #animals

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anime-dub-transcripts · 1 year

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Spy x Family Episode #1: Operation Strix Transcript

This episode has Twilight start his mission by adopting a daughter.

Ambassador: I need to be at the embassy ASAP.

Driver: I should have you there in about twenty minutes, sir. Eaum! The brake’s not---what?!

Ambassador: What’s going on?! DRIVER, YOU KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE DAMN ROAD!

(Driver: Deah, neah! Heah! Neh!)

Driver: Deah, geaugh!

(Ambassador: Deah!)

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Man #1: Apparently, one of our diplomats in Ostania has died in a car accident. Though we suspect he was assassinated by the East’s far-right political party.

{Text on map #1: WESTALIS}

{Text on map #2: OSTANIA}

Man #1: It’s becoming clearer by the day they’re trying to push us into an all-out war. To protect the people of Westalis, we need to know exactly what they’re planning.

Man #2: Let’s put him on the job. With stakes this high, we need to use the best agent in our roster: Twilight.

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Informant: Just as promised. Photographic proof that the Foreign Minister wears a toupée. Negatives too.

Edgar: Very nicely done, yeah. He’ll be forced to resign now. Well, until next time.

Edgar’s voice: Hey!

Informant: Euhm!

Edgar: So how about you hand over those goods you promised me?

Informant: Hueh, I, uh…but you were just…ahohhhh! HE SET ME UP!

Narrator: Code name: Twilight. A spy of the highest caliber. While the nations of the world waged a fierce war of information in the shadows, this master of disguise, man of a hundred faces, survived only by the skills he’s honed.

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Karen: Daddy’s been in such a foul mood lately because someone stole his toupée pictures or something. I mean, honestly, what a bore. Robert, are you listening?

Twilight: Hm? Yes, how unfortunate.

Woman being proposed to: Huah!

Karen: Neah!

Woman #1: Awww! Awuawuahwuah!

(Woman #2: Hehehehe! Hehehe!)

Karen: Oh, would you look at that. Could that be us one day?

Twilight: Karen, let’s break up.

Karen: AHUH?!

Twilight: I’m afraid you’re just not that intelligent.

Karen: Uh!

Twilight: Bye. Best of luck…

Karen: ROBERT!

(Twilight: …to you)

Karen: HEY! You can’t just walk out on me!

Proposing man: Auh!

Woman #3: Oh…

Karen: Come back here!

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Twilight’s thoughts: Sorry, Karen, but I have no further use of you…or your father. As of tonight, I’m also done with “Robert”. Dreams of marriage and a normal, happy life…I threw those away the day I became a spy…along with my true identity.

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{Text on sign: Berlint 5}

Agent: Meow!

Twilight’s thoughts: Must be Cipher C.

Announcer: The train bound for Berlint is now departing on Track 5.

Man #3 [from newspaper]: Good day, or perhaps, good evening, Twilight. Excellent work on your last assignment. For the good of our country, the Minister lived to see another day, all thanks to you. Now then, here is your next mission.

{Caption of photo: DONOVAN DESMOND}

Man #3 [from newspaper]: Your target is the head of the National Unity Party, Donovan Desmond, a grave threat to the truce between East and West. You’ll need to get close to him and probe for any seditious activities. In order to achieve this, you must get married and have a child.

Twilight: PHOOO! Cough, cough, cough! Say what?!

Man #3 [from newspaper]: Due to his suspicious nature, Desmond is almost a total recluse. His only social appearances are at events held at the elite private school his son attends. They serve as informal get-togethers for the upper echelon: politicians and industrial leaders. You will have your child enroll in this school and infiltrate one of these social gatherings. However, the enrollment deadline is drawing near. In one week, to be precise.

Twilight: I’m supposed to have a kid in SEVEN DAYS?! Huah!

Woman #4: Huh?

Twilight: Ehum! Sorry.

Man #3 [from newspaper]: We’re calling it “Operation Strix”. It’s the key to maintaining peace between East and West, and perhaps the entire world. You’re the type of hero who casts no shadow, your great deeds never seeing the light of day. Although you won’t receive any medals or public fanfare, don’t forget that your blood, sweat, and tears make everyone else’s day-to-day lives possible.

Twilight’s thoughts: All right. I threw away my identity when I became Twilight. So I’ll take on the role of father…if it means the world will be a safer place.

{Caption: Mission 1: Operation Strix}

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Real estate agent: This is one of our single-family apartments. The unit comes furnished, has central heat and air, and…um, sir?

Twilight’s thoughts: No wiretaps. Securable escape routes.

Twilight: I believe I’ll take it.

Real estate agent: Excellent, Mr. Forger. Now if you’d sign these documents.

Twilight’s thoughts: Loid Forger.

{Caption: Loid Forger}

Twilight’s thoughts: Occupation: psychiatrist. That’s the role I’ll be playing. A man with a loving family and a happy home.

Real estate agent: I’m sure you and your family will love it here. So, tell me: do you have a boy or a girl?

Loid: Uh…guess I’ll be deciding that soon.

Real estate agent: Huh?

Loid’s thoughts: It all sounds like a real burden for a spy.

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Doorbell: Ding dong!

Caretaker: Hm? So you wanna adopt, do ya? Hearp!

Loid: Indeed I do. I heard that your orphanage was looking for families. You see, my wife and I, we---

Caretaker: Yeah, yeah. Just grab whichever one you want.

Loid: Huh?

Caretaker: They’re right this way.

Loid’s thoughts: What a horrible environment.

(Children: Huah…)

Loid’s thoughts: But a place this shady is more likely to have incomplete records. It’ll be easier to come up with a backstory. I’ll make this mission work, even if it involves a child. I would have preferred to handle it on my own, but no matter how skilled I may be, disguising myself as a child is out of my range.

Loid: I should mention I’d like a child who can read and write, if that’s possible.

Caretaker: Yeah? I gotcha. Anya here’s the smartest one we got. She don’t talk much, but she’s a good kid.

(Anya: Ahuah? Huah…)

Caretaker’s thoughts: I’d love to get this weird, creepy little brat outta my hair once and for all.

Caretaker: Come on, Anya, say hi.

Loid: Uh, excuse me…

Loid’s thoughts: Eden College only accepts students six and up. This girl looks no older than four or five.

Anya: Six!

Loid: Uah!

Anya: I’m six!

Caretaker: You’re six years old? Huh!

Loid’s thoughts: She’s quite small for that age. Hm? The newspaper? Ah, but the crossword puzzle would be too difficult for a child. Of course, for me, it’s more like child’s play. One down is “homeostasis”, one across is “causal closure”. The one below that is “symplectomorphism”.

Anya: Ehum!

Loid’s thoughts: She completed it? With that kind of intellect…Eden’s entrance exam will be a breeze!

Loid: Sir, I’ll take her. About the paperwork…

Caretaker: Don’t sweat it. Just take her home already.

Loid’s thoughts: As a spy, getting that part of the mission done so easily worries me.

Loid: So is this okay with you?

Anya’s thoughts: A spy…on a mission? So cool!

Narrator: This little girl is a telepath. Test subject 007. She possessed the ability to read people’s minds. This gift was accidentally created in an experiment by a certain organization. Since fleeing them, she’s been without a place to truly call home.

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Loid: Listen, little girl…

Anya: Anya!

Loid: Listen, Anya. Starting today, you will be my daughter, but if anyone asks, you’ve always been my daughter. Do you understand?

Anya: Yep!

Loid: So please make sure that you address me as “Father”.

Anya: Papa!

Loid: Close enough.

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Elderly woman: Hello there, young lady, aren’t you the most precious little thing?

Loid: We’re the Forgers and we just moved in.

Anya: I’m Anya! I’ve always been Papa’s daughter!

Loid’s thoughts: Didn’t need to say that.

(Elderly woman: Oh, you, uh…)

Loid: Come on, let’s go inside.

Anya: This is my house now?

Loid: It is.

Anya: A TV!

Loid: You can turn it on.

{Text on TV: SPY WARS}

Announcer: Spy Wars, an…

Anya: I really like this show!

(Announcer: …animated adventure!)

Loid’s thoughts: Coincidence?

Spy [from TV]: A pistol with a silencer, huh? You’re not some regular spy, huh?

Anya: It’s so cool!

Loid’s thoughts: I’ll secure everything we need, which includes a forged ID for her.

(Spy [from TV]: You must be a pro! I gotta have that bomb…anybody tries to stop me is gonna regret it!)

Loid: I’m stepping out for a bit. Just sit tight and watch your show.

(Anya: Ahuh…)

Anya: Ahuah!

(Spy [from TV]: Eat lead!)

Anya: An adventure!

Loid: It’s not an adventure, it’s a shopping trip!

(Anya: Ehmhm…ehmum!)

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Anya: Papa, I wanna pistol with a silencer!

Loid: Sure, if there’s one on sale.

Loid’s thoughts: To be a master spy, one must act normally and not draw any attention. Today, we’re a regular, inconspicuous family.

Anya: PAPA, PLEASE SAVE MEEE!

Loid’s thoughts: That’s not inconspicuous!

Woman #5: Now, now, sweetie, make sure you’ve got a good hold on your daddy’s hand, okay?

Anya: Ahah…

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Loid’s thoughts: Having one hand tied up will make it tough to counter an enemy ambush, but I can manage.

Anya’s thoughts: An enemy?!

Anya: Nah, heah!

(Loid: Hm?)

Anya: Heah, eh, heah…dah! Hm, heum! Neah, heah!

Loid: What are you doing?

(Anya: Ehumum…)

Anya: I’m hiding!

Loid’s thoughts: Did I do something to make her hide from me? Maybe I held her hand too early. Does she hate me? This is bad. I need to maintain a good relationship with her until the mission’s over. Basic diplomacy dictates that I know more about her. Understanding the other party is the first step toward peace.

Anya’s thoughts: Understanding me means we’ll have world peace?!

Anya: Um, I really like to eat peanuts! But carrots are gross.

Loid: Ah-huh…

Anya: Huah, bacon from baconries!

Loid: Eoh…

{Text on sign: BAKERY}

Loid: A bakery. I’m afraid they don’t sell bacon.

Anya: Huaeuh…

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Anya: This one, please!

{Text on coin: 10}

Loid: That costs a dalc. A 10 pent coin isn’t enough.

Anya: Auh…ahuah…

Loid’s thoughts: Maybe the crossword puzzle was a fluke. She honestly doesn’t seem all that bright. I wonder if I can trade her in…

Anya’s thoughts: No, Papa!

(Loid’s thoughts: …for another child)

Anya: Don’t leave me! Aweuhweuh!

Loid: Auh! What is wrong with you?!

(Anya: Please, I promise…)

Anya: …I’m a good bargain. Don’t get rid of meeeeee!

(Loid: Come on. Geah! Grr…)

(Woman #6: Do you see? Look at that crying little girl)

Loid: Now what…

(Anya: Ehuewehweh…)

Loid: I’ll get you peanuts if you stop crying.

Anya: I love peanuts!

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{Text on bag: Super Oishii Peanuts}

(Oishii: Delicious → Japanese)

Anya: Papa…I feel so tired I can’t walk anymore…

(Loid: Auh! Huh?)

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Loid’s thoughts: It’s not working. I don’t understand why she behaves like this.

(Anya: Heah…heah…heah…)

{Text on building: LIBRARY}

Loid’s thoughts: I think I need some sort of instruction manual.

(Anya: Heah…heah…)

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Loid [reading from book]: The key factor in child-raising is trust. Rather than scolding them, look at things from their perspective. Children have trouble putting how they’re feeling into words. Try to understand them.

Loid: No interrogation tactics?

{Text on book #1: IKUJI}

(IKUJI: CHILD CARE → Japanese)

{Text on book #2: KOSODATE}

(KOSODATE: PARENTING → Japanese)

Loid: Are all the parents out there always on such difficult missions?

Loid’s thoughts [reading from book]: Nurture their self-esteem to give them a better future. By giving them the ability to think for themselves, their lives will…

Loid’s thoughts: As soon as this mission’s over, I’m sending her back to the orphanage. That’s how far our future goes.

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Anya: NO, PAPA, I DON’T WANNA! DON’T MAKE ME STUDY!

Loid: I need to accurately measure your intelligence before you take the entrance exam.

Anya: But I don’t need to study to take some stupid old test! I’ll just read people’s---

Anya’s thoughts: I’ll read their minds!

Loid: I hope you’re not planning on cheating. Listen, if you don’t get into this school, then---

Loid’s thoughts: My mission fails.

Loid: Ehurgh…okay.

Anya: Hm?

Loid: I’m stepping out. And you’re staying right here. You’re not coming with me. Not today. Auh…hey! I said stay put!

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Loid: I see you! You think you can hide from me?!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loid: There!

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Loid: There!

Anya’s thoughts: Papa is so good at hide-and-seek! This is fun!

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Loid: Hahaha! Try and get outta that!

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Franky: Wow, that’s why you’re late?

Loid: I ended up putting a barricade in front of the door and trapping her inside.

Franky: Hopefully you don’t get busted for child abuse.

Loid: How could anyone know what children are thinking? And the whole tactic of crying until they get their way is maddening.

Franky: I hate to break it to you, pal, but crying’s, like, their job. Anywho, here’s what you wanted: an application, exam appointment, and a copy of the test. I went through hell getting these.

Loid: I appreciate it, Franky. If she can memorize the answers, we have a real shot at passing.

Franky: Got some intel on the girl. Dug up some records, stuff the orphanage didn’t have. Not a thing about her birth, though…

{Text on paper #1: Name: Anya Williams, Anya Levski, Anya Roche, Anya Klein}

{Text on paper #2: Age: Unknown}

{Text on paper #3: Father: Unknown}

{Text on paper #4: Mother: Unknown}

Franky: …or her real age, or parents either. It’s strictly from the last year. It says that she’s been adopted and returned four times now. She’s on her third orphanage.

Loid [reading from paper]: Anya Williams, Anya Levski, Anya Roche…

Franky: Changes names like you. You guys are a perfect match. Euah! Relax, I’m just kidding. Focus on your mission. She may be a cute little kid, but watch that you don’t get too attached to her, y’know?

Loid: Your concern is touching.

Franky: What the?! Hey! Stiffed me. Forget kids; who in the hell knows what spies are thinking?

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Anya’s thoughts: This is boring!

{Text on poster: SPY WARS}

Anya’s thoughts: I thought spies were a whole lot cooler, like we’d be looking for bombs and stuff.

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Loid’s thoughts [flashback]: I can’t have her messing with my spy equipment, so I’ll have to lock it all up. The code is six one…

Anya’s thoughts: …one zero!

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Anya: 🎵Bomb, bombs! Bomby bombs!🎵 Hm? Eum! Euah? Eum! Hm! Hm! 🎵Bomb, bombs! Bomby bombs!🎵 Huaeah! A spy radio! Sending secret messages!

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Man #4: Boss! We’ve intercepted a new transmission!

Edgar: Using the West’s cipher?

Man #4: No, doesn’t seem to be. Wait. It’s saying, “This is Twilight here.” Hang on, Twilight? This is the frequency Western intelligence uses.

Edgar: Grrrr…

Man #4: Oh, there’s more. “Catch me if you can”.

(Edgar: Rrrreagh…)

Edgar: GET A LOCATION ON THE SOURCE, STAT!

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Anya: Huoh…aah!

Dream Loid: Now you know I’m a spy, I’ll have to make you disappear!

(Anya: Eah, eah, eah!)

Anya: Neah! If he finds out I do telepathy…he’ll make me leave.

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Scientist #1 [flashback]: Anya. You can’t tell anyone about your power, remember? It’s time for you to study again, Anya.

Anya [flashback]: Aw, but I wanna draw.

Scientist #1 [flashback]: Don’t concern yourself with childish things. We need to figure out how to use your special power for world peace.

Anya [flashback]: Weh, wehm…

Scientist #1 [flashback]: There’s no time for tears. Playtime’s over and you need to study.

(Anya [flashback]: …weum weum! Weh weh weh weh! Weah, weah weh!)

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Anya: Eh, weah…auh…

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Loid: I hope she hasn’t trashed the apartment. Oh yeah, gotta move this. Huh?

Man #5: Ewah! Deuah!

Man #6: Eh, uhanh! Duah!

Loid: The hell are these guys?! Anya! Ehweah, ANYA! Kidnapped.

Loid’s thoughts: Who sent these thugs here, and why?!

Loid: Eheh!

Loid’s thoughts: I’ve gotta find her! Okay, calm down. Obviously, this location’s been compromised, so first off, I need to secure somewhere safe. As for Anya…there are lots of other children out there. Just have to start over from square one.

Man #5: EHYAH!

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Edgar: Who the hell’s the brat, anyway? Is it Twilight’s kid or something?

(Anya: Ehuemeum! Eheumeheum…)

Man #7: No clue. She was where that message came from, so we nabbed her.

(Anya: Eheuheum…)

Anya’s thoughts: ‘Cause of the secret message?!

Man #7: She was holed up in the apartment with a barricade out front.

Edgar: Do you know why?

Man #7: Beats me.

Edgar: No matter. I think she still might prove useful to us as a hostage. We can force Twilight to steal the Foreign Minister’s toupée right off his head.

Man #8: Boss? Maybe we should ditch the whole “toupée” thing. Auh!

Edgar: Transparency is essential in government, so toupées are a no-go.

Anya’s thoughts: A pistol with a silencer!

Edgar: Plus, the Minister’s a traitor who’s been secretly backing the West, and anyone who takes a traitor’s side must be a traitor too.

Anya’s thoughts: He’s gotta be a pro bad guy!

Man #9: Boss! Looks like Nguyen and his crew are back from the apartment!

Nguyen: We got him. Eheum!

Loid: Eheah!

Edgar: Nicely done.

Nguyen: Ehuaeh! This dude sure as hell moves like a pro. Heaheah…he’s the real deal.

Man #10: Get yourself together, man.

Edgar: Now that I have your attention, Twilight…

(Loid: Eh! Eh, ehah!)

Edgar: …why don’t you return those photographs you stole from me?

Nguyen: Dehah! Euah!

Edgar: Huah!

(Man #9: Nguyen?!)

(Man #11: Huah!)

Man #10: What’s going on?!

Man #11: The kid’s gone!

(Edgar: Grrrrr…)

Edgar: HE GOT ME AGAIN!

Loid’s thoughts: This was a mistake. Going into enemy territory put the mission in jeopardy. I’m not fit to be a spy.

(Anya’s thoughts: Papa!)

Anya: WAAAAAAHHH!

Loid [in disguise]: Shut up, kid! You’re okay. I’m not gonna hurt you. You don’t have to be scared.

(Anya: WAAAAAAAHHHHH!)

Anya: PAPA!

(Loid [in disguise]: Duah!)

Loid’s thoughts: This is why kids suck. Yeah.

(Anya: Wehwehwehwehwehwehweh…Papa…)

Loid’s thoughts: I guess I know why the sound of them crying makes my blood run cold. Because it reminds me of my own rotten childhood. Not a single person out there ever tried to save me. I was completely alone and powerless in the world. Only thing I could do was cry. I thought I’d left all that baggage behind me, but you can’t do that forever. Something’s gonna trigger those memories.

Loid [in disguise]: Now listen to me, little girl.

Anya: Anya!

Loid [in disguise]: So listen, Anya. Me and my pals there…we’re all pro tag players. When we see someone who looks like they can play, we challenge them to a little game.

Anya’s thoughts: Oh! Papa is a liar.

Loid [in disguise]: Look. If you start heading straight down this street and turn right, you’ll find the police station. If you can hand this paper over to the police officer, you win the game. You got that?

Loid’s thoughts: If she shows them this, they’ll put her in a better orphanage. I can’t have a kid mixed up in this mission.

Anya: Ahauh!

Loid’s thoughts: Gotta rework the whole plan.

Anya: Ahuah, I---

Loid [in disguise]: Okay. Now run!

Anya: Huahuahhuahuah!

Loid’s thoughts: “I’m not cut out to be a spy”? No. I just should've never put this kid in danger. How could I forget I’m working to create the kind of world…where kids won’t have to cry like that. That’s why I’m a spy.

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Man #12: Don’t let him get away!

Man #10: We’re gonna drag him outta here and show his face to the whole---

Man #13: A trap!

(Man #10: Ehuah?)

Man #14: When did he…

Man #10: Cough! This flour or---

Loid: Huah!

Man #10: Duah!

Man #11: That…Twilight?!

Man #15: Don’t shoot! It’ll blow!

Man #11: Ehuah! Duah!

Man #15: Hueh? Wuah! AAH!

Man #13: Duah!

Man #14: Gaueh!

Edgar: What in the…you’re kidding me. Ehuh! Neah…

Loid: Turn around and you’re dead.

Edgar: Twilight.

Loid: Good day, or, perhaps, good evening, Edgar. Tell me, how’s Karen doing?

Edgar: How do you know my daughter’s name?

Loid: It’s my job. That’s what spies do. I know her height, weight, shoe size, favorite foods, and the location of every mole on her body. She’s got nothing on your rap sheet, but I know all the times she’s broken the law.

Edgar: That’s absurd! My Karen would---

Loid: Edgar. I also know how much you care about your daughter. So listen. If you want your precious girl to have any kind of a normal life, you’ll leave me the hell alone!

Edgar: Ehuah!

Loid: If you want that, go home now.

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Loid: Ouh! Anya?

Anya: Hm? Papa! Ahahah, Papa!

Loid: Uh, you’re still here. I mean, what are you doing outside of the house? I, uh, just came down here to do a little shopping, but I guess they’re out of business.

Anya’s thoughts: Papa is a big-time liar.

Anya: I was just out playing tag with some old guys.

Loid: Oh. Did you have fun?

(Anya: Oh)

Anya: It was kinda scary. I wanna go home.

Loid: Ehuh?

Anya: Back to our place, Papa.

Loid: You do? You’re sure?

Anya: If you leave me behind, I’m gonna cry.

Franky [flashback voiceover]: She’s been adopted and returned four times now.

Loid [flashback voiceover]: Anya Williams, Anya Levski, Anya Roche…

Loid: Okay. Well, let’s go home then.

Anya: Huah…

Loid: But we should move out of that dangerous apartment. I actually saw a venomous snake there.

Anya: I don’t like snakes!

Anya’s thoughts: Papa might be the world’s biggest liar, but he’s a cool liar!

Anya: I wanna live in a castle!

Loid: Sure, if there’s one to rent. Once we’re there, you’ve got to study.

Anya: EUAH!

Loid: As long as you memorize all the answers, it’ll be fine. Easy enough.

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Teacher: All right, children. Begin!

Loid’s thoughts: I’m counting on you, Anya! You’ve got this.

Children’s thoughts: How hard is this?

Anya: Huah!

Boy #1’s thoughts: This is so hard!

Boy #2’s thoughts: I don’t know any of these answers!

(Anya: Huahah!)

Girl #1’s thoughts: Eeny meeny miny moe…

Anya: Heuheuheuh…hmhm…

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Loid’s thoughts: K-212…K-212…

Loid: It’s there! You passed!

(Anya: Heuahuh!)

Loid: Way to go!

(Anya: Heh, oh…)

Anya: I did good?

Loid: You did really good!

(Anya: Hahahaha!)

Loid: You…ouh…oh…

(Anya: Ah?)

Loid: Owoah, Papa!

Loid’s thoughts: I relaxed for a second and all my exhaustion hit at once. I relaxed? How did that even happen? What the hell’s wrong with me?

(Anya: Weoah…Papa? Please, no, don’t leave me! I didn’t even cry! I promise to be a good girl! Come back to me!)

Anya: Please wake upppppp!

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Anya: Wow. He’s dead.

Doorbell: Ring!

Anya: Huh?

Mailman: Got the mail for you! Forger household?

Anya: Um, I’m Anya Forger.

Mailman: Could you please give this to your mommy or daddy?

Anya: There is no mama.

Mailman: Oh! I mean, sorry.

Anya: Papa, the mailman brought this for you! Hm…

Loid: Ahauh! Nngh! Aaah! What are you doing?! Are you trying to kill me?! Gm…

Loid’s thoughts: Can’t believe I fell asleep in front of someone. That’s unacceptable. I gotta get a grip.

Anya: There’s mail!

Loid: Huah? A letter from Eden College. Neah…

Anya: Is something wrong?

Loid: The second phase of the admission process is a family interview. It is mandatory the applicant attend with both parents. Absolutely no exceptions.

Anya: But there is no mama.

#anime #anime transcripts #anime dub transcripts #spy x family #spy x family dub transcripts

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