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Ace Attorney Episode #8: Turnabout Goodbyes---1st Trial Transcript

This episode has the first part of Turnabout Goodbyes.

Gun: POW!

Camera: Click!

{Text on sign: Boat Rental}

Camera: Click!

Edgeworth: Ehhuah!

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Boy: You’re just a dirty thief!

Students: Dirty thief!

Child Phoenix: Neaheh…

Students: Dirty thief!

Child Phoenix: No…it wasn’t me! I wouldn’t do it!

(Students: Dirty thief! Dirty thief!)

Student #1: Guilty!

Boy: Guilty!

Students: Guilty!

(Child Phoenix: Heauah!)

Students: Guilty! Guilty!

Teacher: You know you always have to tell the truth no matter what, Phoenix.

(Students: Guilty! Guilty!)

Child Phoenix: But I…

Teacher: Now…please apologize to the class.

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Phoenix: Nheauh! Heah…heah…

{Caption: Turnabout Goodbyes--1st Trial}

Phoenix: Heah…heah…euhn? Hm…

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Phoenix: Hard to believe it’s already Christmas.

{Text on calendar: Christmas}

Phoenix: Come on, Santa. All I’m asking for this year is a new case. Heaugh…what the? What’re you doing?

Maya: I’m trying to train, obviously.

Phoenix: Ehum…I don’t think I ever would’ve guessed that.

Maya: Well, serious heroes always train under a waterfall.

Phoenix: You look serious.

Maya: Hold on a second.

Phoenix: Euh?!

Maya: This waterfall is kinda weak.

Phoenix: Maybe you should go to the fire station and have ‘em hose you down. The water pressure would be more intense, at least.

Maya: That’s an amazingly brilliant idea!

Phoenix: Euh…

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Reporter: I’m here at Gourd Lake, where authorities have discovered the body of a man who’s been shot to death.

{Text on TV #1: Live from Gourd Lake}

{Text on TV #2: Corpse Found in Gourdy’s Lake!}

Reporter [from TV]: This spot has been in the news recently due to some peculiar sightings of a large unknown animal that the locals have dubbed “Gourdy”, a nod to the famed “Nessie”...

{Text on newspaper: Berry Big Circus}

Phoenix: “Gourdy”, huh?

(Reporter [from TV]: …of Scotland’s Loch Ness)

Maya: It didn’t work out.

(Reporter [from TV]: Although some claim to have seen…)

Phoenix: Euh! What didn’t?

(Reporter [from TV]: …this possibly prehistoric beast in the waters of…)

Maya: The firemen just told me I was crazy.

(Reporter [from TV]: …Gourd Lake, no official confirmation has been made)

Phoenix: Well, I could’ve told you that.

Reporter [from TV]: I have some breaking news. Sources inside the police department have revealed the name of the suspect now in custody: notorious prosecutor Miles Edgeworth.

Phoenix, Maya: Eauh?!

{Text on TV: Miles Edgeworth (24)}

Reporter [from TV]: Although no motive is known at this time, he is…

Phoenix, Maya: It’s Edgeworth?!

(Reporter [from TV]: …being held for trial and named…)

Maya: Uwah…

Reporter [from TV]: …the prime suspect…)

Reporter [from TV]: …in this case.

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{Caption #1: December 25}

{Caption #2: Detention Center--Visitor’s Room No. 1}

Edgeworth: What do you want?

Phoenix: I want to know what went down last night.

Edgeworth: And why is that?

Phoenix: Because…I wanna lead your defense.

Edgeworth: Hah! That so? Sorry. I’ll pass. The mere thought of a novice such as you acting as my attorney is preposterous.

Maya: But why?!

Edgeworth: I’ll admit you have been lucky in the three cases that you’ve tried thus far, but you lack the experience and skill.

Maya: I think he’s still mad because you beat him.

Edgeworth: Regardless, I do not want you getting involved in this. Good day to you.

Maya: Really?! Ehuah��

Phoenix: Just please tell me one thing. Tell the truth: you didn’t do it, did you? Did you?

Edgeworth: I’m telling you, don’t get involved.

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Maya: He acts like he’s royalty, even though his kingdom is a freaking jail cell.

Phoenix: Well, that’s just how he is.

(Maya: Auh!)

Maya: If you think so too…then I don’t understand why you’d want to defend him in the first place.

Phoenix: It’s a long story. But I owe him one.

Maya: How so?

Phoenix: Another time. Let’s go check things out at Gourd Lake.

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Maya: Can you believe all the cops hanging out here?

Phoenix: They’re investigating a crime scene, you know.

Gumshoe: Has anybody found an actual lead on the case yet?!

Phoenix, Maya: Uwauh!

Gumshoe: Trial’s tomorrow! We gotta find something that leads us to the bad guy! NOW!

Detective: But we already have Edgeworth in---

Gumshoe: CAN IT, YOU!

Maya: Uwah!

(Gumshoe: Grr…)

Gumshoe: Huh?

Phoenix: Haha, hello…Detective Gummy?

Gumshoe: It’s about time you showed up!

Maya: It is?

Gumshoe: Let me show you around the crime scene a little bit since you’re investigating for the defense and all.

Phoenix: Actually…we’re kinda---

Gumshoe: NOW! Walk with me!

Maya: He seems weird, don’t ya think?

Phoenix: Yeah.

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Gumshoe: I’m glad you’re here. This case has been like lawyer-repellent; no one would take it on.

Phoenix: Nobody will take it? I wonder why.

Gumshoe: Mr. Edgeworth is a celebrity, pal. You either win a case like this or flush your career down the toilet.

Phoenix: Exactly how solid is the case against him?

Gumshoe: The police at large are totally convinced that he’s our murderer. No one’s putting their heart into the investigation.

Maya: Wow, seriously?

Gumshoe: Well, I guess having you on his side is better than nobody! Haha…

Maya: Eheheheah!

(Phoenix: Hahahaha, haha…)

(Gumshoe: …ain’t that right, bub?)

Gumshoe: The murder took place last night just after midnight. Two men were out in a boat on the water. One of them shot the other dead, at close range. Police showed up five minutes after the shot was heard and arrested Edgeworth, who was found already at the scene.

Maya: How did the police get here so fast?

Gumshoe: Because somebody reported the incident immediately after they saw what had happened.

Phoenix: So are you telling me that there was actually an eyewitness to the murder?

Maya: Someone really saw Edgeworth shoot the other guy?

Gumshoe: You know, I hate to be a tease, but that’s confidential. That’s all I can say.

Phoenix: If somebody identified Edgeworth on that boat…that might be all it takes to sink him.

Gumshoe: You’re the only hope he’s got of shaking off this charge.

Phoenix: Although I asked to defend Edgeworth, he passed.

Gumshoe: WHAT?! HE WOULDN’T LET YOU?!

Maya: He said he didn’t want us getting involved in the case. It sounded kinda threatening, if you ask me.

Phoenix: Apparently he doesn’t think very highly of my skills as a defense attorney.

Gumshoe: I can’t believe that crap!

(Maya: Uwoh!)

(Phoenix: Neauh!)

Gumshoe: I mean, you should’ve heard him after the Steel Samurai case! He kept complimenting you! I didn’t even know he was capable of that!

Phoenix: He said nice things about me?

Gumshoe: You’ve gotta figure out a way to change his mind and let you take the case! You don’t just wear that attorney’s badge because you like the way it looks, right?! YOU EARNED IT!

Phoenix: I’ll convince him.

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Maya: What do you think impressed Edgeworth so much? Any idea? Weeeelllll?

Phoenix: I couldn’t tell you what.

Santa: Ho ho ho…

(Maya: Dah!)

Santa: …Nicky boy!

(Maya: AAH!)

(Phoenix: Auh!)

Santa: Merry Christmas, man!

Maya: You never told me you were friends with this creepy Santa Claus.

(Santa: Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho ho!)

Phoenix: Don’t be so ridiculous. Hurry up.

(Santa: Ha ha, ha ha! Ho ho!)

Phoenix: Don’t make eye contact.

Confetti popper: POP!

Phoenix: Gah! Neah, aah, uh, eh, euh!

(Maya: AAAHH! NEUM…)

Phoenix: Neuh?

Santa: Hahahaha!

(Maya: Nehuah!)

Larry: Relax, bro, it’s me! Hahahaha!

Phoenix: Auh! Larry!

Maya: Who’s Larry?

Larry: Hehehe! Heewoah, you’re cute! So, Nicky, my boy, is she, like, yours?

Phoenix: What do you mean by “mine”?

Maya: My name’s Maya Fey, and I run the show at Wright and Company Law Offices, so he’s kinda mine.

Phoenix: You run the show?

Larry: Well, pleased to meet you, Maya. Ueiah, here! Merry Christmas!

Maya: Huah! Thanks a lot!

Phoenix: So what’s the story on the getup?

(Maya: Ehehe!)

Larry: Isn’t it obvious? It’s part of my gig, man!

(Maya: Heauh! Ah!)

{Text on sign: Original Samurai Buns}

Larry: I’m selling Butts’ Original Samurai Buns!

Maya: WEEAAH! Check it out, Nick! It’s the Steel Samurai! And he is freaking huge!

Larry: That thing pulls in the younger customers like crazy.

(Maya: Way to go, Steel Samurai! Gotta keep him large!)

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{Text on sign: Original Samurai Buns}

Larry: A murder?! I was workin’ out here late last night, but I don’t know anything.

Phoenix: I’ve got bad news.

Larry: Worse than there was a murder?

Phoenix: You could say that. The police made an arrest. Their prime suspect is Miles.

Larry: Huah?

Maya: Uh, so why would Larry care that Edgeworth was arrested for the murder?

Larry: WOAH! EDGEY?!

Maya: What? Do you know Edgeworth?

Larry: For a long time! In fact, the three of us were in elementary school together.

Maya: WHAAAAA?

Larry: The Butts, Mr. Wright, and Miles The Edge! Everywhere around school, the kids were talkin’ about us! The Three Signal Samurai!

(Maya: Ehuah!)

Voice: Waaahhh!

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Phoenix: Miles was a bookworm, studying all the time. He wanted to be just like his father when he grew up. I suppose his dad was pretty well-known, back in the day.

Maya: Oh, so his father was a prosecutor too?

Larry: Nah! Edgy’s old man was a defense attorney.

Maya: Well, he grew up to be the complete opposite of that!

Larry: How so?

Maya: He’s a big-time prosecutor these days.

Larry: Woah, are you yankin’ my chain? What the heck is up with that, Nicky?

Phoenix: Eum…gulp!

Maya: Are you okay?

Phoenix: Ehuam…

{Text on sign: 300 yen}

Larry: Well, good luck gettin’ him out of this one. For real.

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Phoenix: I wonder if one of the men rented a boat from this place.

{Text on sign #1: Adults: 500 yen}

{Text on sign #2: Children: 200 yen}

Maya: Larry said the guy that rents them out lives here, so let’s ask.

Door: Knock knock!

Maya: Is anybody home?!

Phoenix: I guess that’s a no.

Maya: Bet they must be raking in the dough, you know. ‘Cause of Gourdy. Right?

Phoenix: Who in the heck is Gourdy?

Maya: HUH?! You gotta be kidding me, Nick!

Gourdy: RAAAHHHRRR!

Maya: Gourdy is a huge monster that lives in this lake and probably one of the biggest mysteries of our time!

Phoenix: Sounds like an urban myth.

Maya: No, he’s real! Look here. See? There’s even a photograph to prove it!

{Text on paper: Huge Monster Left in the Modern Age}

Phoenix: There it is.

Maya: Told you so. Between him and this case, Gourd Lake is pretty hot right now!

Phoenix: I wouldn’t put it that way.

(Maya: Hehe!)

Phoenix’s thoughts: So that’s Gourdy, is it?

{Text on paper: Plesiosaurus from the Jurassic Period? Exclusive Scoop: Large, Mysterious Creature Spotted at Gourd Lake!!}

Maya: It looks like we’re standing where the picture was taken. I wish that he’d pop his head out and say hello. Huh? This camera is intense.

Phoenix: The microphone’s no joke either. I bet that it triggers the camera whenever it picks up a sound out there.

Maya: Let’s test it out!

Phoenix: Auh!

Maya: Hi Gourdy, I’m Nick. Nick to Gourdy! CAN YOU READ ME, BUDDY?!

(Phoenix: DUAH!)

Phoenix: Neah! All right, I think that’s enough of that.

(Maya: HEAUH!)

Maya: I know! This might work.

Confetti popper: POP!

Maya: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Camera: Click!

Maya: Huah!

Phoenix: Neauah, ahuah, auah…

Lotta: HEY! Y’all better not be messin’ with my camera. Oh, why the heck are you settin’ off a party popper?! Lord! Y’all know what a pain it was to set this thing up? I know people think all Southerners are lazy, but we just value our downtime more.

Phoenix: Excuse me…

Lotta: Yeah, what is it?

Phoenix: Well…can you tell me about your setup?

Lotta: The mic here makes the camera snap a pic whenever it picks up a loud bang or pop like from earlier.

Phoenix: Loud bang?

Maya: Hold on a sec. There’s a quote here in the article.

Maya [reading from article]: Right before I took this picture, I heard a loud sound, so I tried to get a photo as quick as I could.

Phoenix: The pic of Gourdy?

Maya: It says the experts must’ve been the monster’s roar.

Phoenix: So you’re here to get pictures of Gourdy too?

Lotta: Yeah, that couple there got a blurry pic ‘cause they didn’t know what they was lookin’ for, and they didn’t actually see the dang creature. I don’t care that it’s Christmas, so I’ve been stakin’ out this spot around the clock for three days straight ‘cause in my opinion, Christmas ain’t got nothing on a whole lotta dolla!

Maya: She’s here just to make money?

Phoenix: A lotta dolla.

{Text on screen: Self-Proclaimed Journalist | Lotta Hart}

Lotta: Hey, speaking of “lotta”, my name’s Lotta Hart.

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Lotta: All I can tell ya about the murder is some hot-shot lawyer got the rap for it.

Phoenix: We don’t know for certain that he’s guilty.

Maya: Did you happen to see or hear anything that struck you as unusual last night?

Lotta: Well, I’ve been here a couple or three days and I don’t recall anything too weird.

Phoenix: Your camera…you said that it’s triggered by loud noises? Maybe it got a picture of the murder.

Lotta: Well, I reckon there’s a pretty good chance of that. Let me take a look! Neauh!

Maya, Phoenix: WOAH! That was quick!

Lotta: Looks like it took a couple of pictures last night. First one is a bust, but the second may have hit the jackpot!

Phoenix: Would you show it to me?

(Maya: Heauh…)

Lotta: Hell nah! I ain’t just gonna hand over my big-time scoop to some stranger!

Maya: We just want a peek.

Lotta: Yeah, what I should do is show it to the cops, pronto.

Maya, Phoenix: The cops?

Lotta: I forgot until I saw this here picture, but…I witnessed the murder go down.

Maya, Phoenix: NEEAAAAHHH!

Lotta: When you see something like that, you tell the fuzz. It’s my civic duty. Smell ya later!

Maya: Please don’t run away, Lotta!

Phoenix: What exactly did you see last night?!

Lotta: That’s between me and the popo!

Phoenix: I guess we should go to the police too. Hopefully, the detective found some new evidence out here.

Maya: Right!

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Gumshoe: Here’s the autopsy. The victim died instantly from a shot fired at point blank range.

Phoenix: Thank you, sir.

Gumshoe: We haven’t been able to get a positive ID on the body yet, though.

Maya: Ahuah!

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Phoenix: Anyway, nothing really matters unless Edgeworth decides to let me take the case. Huah…I get the feeling that he’s hiding something.

Maya: I swear I know who this is!

(Phoenix: Ahuahuah!)

Phoenix: So are you gonna fill me in?

Maya: I met him before at the law firm that my sister used to work for.

Phoenix: The place before she opened her practice? Grossberg’s office?

Maya: Mmhm.

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Grossberg: You had a question for me, my boy? Ask away. I’d be more than happy to help with whatever you may need from me.

Maya: Thank you very much.

Grossberg: So what have you got?

Phoenix: Sir, do you know this man?

Grossberg: Oh…he used to be an attorney in my firm. But he quit quite a long time ago.

Phoenix: What is his name?

Grossberg: It’s Robert Hammond. Is he in some kind of trouble?

Phoenix: It’s much worse than that. He was just found murdered.

Grossberg: Oh no! Tell me, is he the victim in the Edgeworth case?

Phoenix: Yes.

Grossberg: Ohuah…I can’t believe it. He really killed Hammond.

Phoenix: I don’t believe it, Mr. Grossberg.

Grossberg: How did it all end up like this?

Phoenix: Wait a second, is there some kind of connection between Edgeworth and Hammond? I need to know if there is.

Grossberg: Ehuah…euh…hm…it’s the DL-6 incident.

Phoenix: I’m not familiar with that.

Maya: I knew it.

Grossberg: DL-6 is the sorting code the police gave to this case. It was a murder that took place fifteen years ago. Robert Hammond was the lead defense lawyer in the ensuing trial.

Phoenix: What does this old case have to do with Edgeworth?

Grossberg: It’s a sad tale. And the victim in this crime was none other than Edgeworth’s father.

Phoenix: Really?

(Maya: Auh!)

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Grossberg [narrating]: Gregory Edgeworth was one of the most respected defense lawyers of that time. But sadly, he was shot and killed right before his son’s eyes.

Phoenix: Miles was there?

Grossberg [narrating]: Gregory was amazing in the courtroom. At the time, he was locking horns with Manfred von Karma, the God of Prosecutors. The murder occurred right in the middle of the trial. I’m sure he died with regrets, because Edgeworth was the only one who had a chance of shutting von Karma down.

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Phoenix: von Karma…huh.

Grossberg: Gregory Edgeworth’s sudden death must’ve come as quite a shock to the prosecutor. He canceled everything the day after the murder, which was out of character for him.

Phoenix: So that was unusual.

Grossberg: In his entire forty year career, that’s the only day that von Karma has ever taken off. His actions after the murder showed the amount of respect he must’ve had for Edgeworth. He even adopted the young master Miles who had nowhere else to go.

Phoenix: Is that so?

Grossberg: Edgeworth’s murder investigation hit a dead end, and after some time, a suspect was arrested and put on trial…

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Grossberg [narrating]: …and Hammond was the one who defended him in court.

Gavel: Bang!

Grossberg [narrating]: It was a stellar defense, and the suspect was found not guilty. The case went cold. It has not been solved to this day, fifteen years later.

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Phoenix: It is a very compelling story, but I honestly don’t see why Edgeworth would murder Robert Hammond.

Grossberg: Hammond ensured his father’s killer walked away a free man. It’s understandable that he would hold a grudge against him.

Phoenix: But…

Grossberg: It wasn’t only Miles that was affected. That case ruined many lives in its wake, not least among them was yours, Maya, and your poor sister Mia.

Phoenix: Maya and Mia were involved in the case too?

Grossberg: When the investigation hit that dead end, the police were desperate to find a lead, so they ended up secretly enlisting the aid of a spirit medium.

Phoenix: And the medium was related to them?

Grossberg: The girl’s dear mother. Her name was Misty Fey.

Phoenix: Ehuah!

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Grossberg [narrating]: She channeled Gregory Edgeworth’s spirit, and he identified the culprit: a man that was trapped in the elevator with him that day.

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Grossberg: When Hammond exposed this secret in the courtroom, he accused the police of using a fraudulent spirit medium to frame their suspect. Though Misty’s channeling was only to generate a lead and never intended to be used as evidence…

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Grossberg [narrating]: …the accusations stuck and ruined her reputation. She disappeared shortly thereafter.

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Maya: That channeling was meant to be done in secret, but somebody on the inside leaked it to the defense. Mia wanted to find out who that was and left our family’s home, and went to law school.

Grossberg: Please forgive me! This has weighed on me for so long! I was the one who leaked that info! I sold it to Redd White, the CEO of Bluecorp!

Phoenix, Maya: You sold it to Redd White?!

Grossberg: He sold that info to Hammond! Misty…he used it to humiliate her and the police. Ehuawah…White’s threatened to expose me and my weakness for the last fifteen years!

Phoenix: So when Mia came to you as a student, was she aware of all this?

Grossberg: She was. She put everything on the line to save my skin. No, to save everyone who was a victim of White’s blackmail schemes. She worked so hard!

Phoenix: And she created a list of all his wrongdoings, his crimes.

Grossberg: When Redd White discovered what she was up to, he killed her! To hide his dirty secrets! Ehwueh, please find it in your heart to forgive me, Maya!

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Maya: The women in my family have always been sensitive to the spirit world. My mother and my sister were no exceptions to this rule. It’s up to me to carry on the tradition, but my powers seem to be getting weaker with each passing day.

Phoenix: They are?

Maya: Yeah. I can’t even get in touch with my sister anymore.

Phoenix: Is that why you were training?

Maya: Mmhm.

Phoenix: I’m so sorry.

Maya: Ehueum…heum…no more moping! Let’s go back to the jail and talk to Edgeworth!

Phoenix: Ehuah!

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Guard: Miles Edgeworth…you have visitors.

Edgeworth: What is it now?

Phoenix: You should hear me out this time, because I know about the DL-6 incident.

Edgeworth: Huah! You certainly covered a fair amount of ground in less than a day. Still single-minded. Once you start something, you see it through to the end. That night, Hammond asked to meet with me. It had been fifteen years since our paths had crossed. He said he had new information about DL-6.

Phoenix: So then, you were present at the crime scene.

Edgeworth: We got in a boat and set out on the water, but before he told me anything, I heard gunfire. Immediately after that, he was nowhere to be found.

Phoenix: Who shot him?

Edgeworth: I don’t know. In a daze, I picked up the pistol by instinct. Earlier, I said, “I don’t want you to get involved in the case”, so leave. It’s my problem alone.

Maya: I wanna know the whole truth behind the DL-6 case too. I have to know what happened.

Edgeworth: Who are you?

Maya: I am the youngest daughter of Misty Fey.

Edgeworth: What? You are? So you’re connected to the case by the spirit medium.

Maya: I truly understand why you would want to keep that door closed; I felt the same way. But things have changed and the truth can set us free! We can’t live like this anymore!

Phoenix: “Set you free”…

Maya: Nick, Detective Gumshoe, and I all have total faith that you didn’t kill anyone…so put some faith in us! We’ll fight to save your life because we believe in you! I’m asking you to change your mind and let him defend you!

Edgeworth: Very well.

Phoenix: Nehuah!

(Maya: Ehhum!)

Edgeworth: It pains me to have to make this request of you, but I have no other choice in the matter. Will you defend me?

Phoenix: You can count on me!

Edgeworth: Who could have ever guessed this day would come?

Phoenix: I’m glad I finally get my chance to repay you.

Edgeworth: For what? What did I do?

Phoenix: Never mind, we can talk about that later.

Edgeworth: This will not be easy.

Phoenix: I know.

Edgeworth: You have no idea. You’ve never faced him, the living God of Prosecutors.

Phoenix: You mean Manfred von Karma?!

Maya: Hold on, your mentor is leading the case against you?!

Edgeworth: A forty year career…and he’s never lost a single case. His skills are not of this earth. Manfred von Karma will do anything in his power to ensure victory, anything.

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{Text on screen: Ace Attorney}

Phoenix: OBJECTION!

Phoenix [narrating]: The trial in the Gourd Lake murder is underway, and this time, Miles is facing the wrath of the prosecution as his mentor von Karma relentlessly pursues a guilty verdict. He hasn’t lost in forty years! I firmly believe in my client’s innocence, but will that be enough? His cunning is on full display as he corners Edgeworth and me. How will I find a path that leads to justice? Find the contradictions, believe in the truth!

{Text on screen: Next Episode: Turnabout Goodbyes--2nd Trial}

Phoenix [narrating]: Next episode: Turnabout Goodbyes--2nd Trial! Take that!

#anime #anime transcripts #anime dub transcripts #ace attorney #ace attorney transcripts

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anime-dub-transcripts · 5 months

Note

Do you have a kimetsu no yaiba?

I do not, but I can add it to the list!

#requests #asks answered

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anime-dub-transcripts · 10 months

Text

Bungou Stray Dogs Episode #2: A Certain Bomb Transcript

This episode has a bomber threatening the Agency.

{Caption: I haven’t smelled tatami mats in a long time}

Atsushi [narrating]: I haven’t smelled tatami mats…in a long time.

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Atsushi: Ehum…ahuh? Where am I? What happened last night? Eum…was it…a dream?

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Dazai [flashback]: Do you remember anything from when you were transformed?

Atsushi [flashback]: What are you talking about?

Dazai [flashback]: Oh! Look at that, your right hand didn’t change back.

Atsushi [flashback]: My right hand?

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Atsushi: Eeheeauh! Eaugh! Heah, heah, heah…phew! Sleeping under a roof feels…so good.

Phone: Ring!

(Atsushi: Dueh, what?!)

Atsushi: What?! Euh, uh, what?!

Phone: Ring!

Atsushi: Huh? Oh, okay, I’ll get it! I’m coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming! Uhuah, I’m doing it right this second! Which button am I supposed to push? This one? Uh, no, no, no! Uh, this one? Eah, come on, yes? Hello?

(Phone: Ring! Ring! Ring!)

Dazai: And good morning to you!

Atsushi: Oh. Hi, Dazai.

Dazai: It’s another beautiful day! What do you think of your new accommodations?

Atsushi: They’re great, thanks. I mean, compared to sleeping outside, this place is like heaven to me.

Dazai: I’m happy to hear that. The change of clothes at your pillow was a gift from everyone at the agency.

Atsushi: Oh, wow! Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me!

Dazai: By the way, Atsushi, I apologize for asking, but…

Atsushi: Ehuh?

Dazai: I need help with a teensy-weensy emergency.

Atsushi: Emergency?

Dazai: Yes. And it’s quite urgent.

(Atsushi: Duehuh!)

Dazai: I’ll give you the specific location and I need you to meet me there immediately. This is a crisis and you’re the only one who can help, understand?

Atsushi: Uh, okay. I understand.

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Dazai: Listen carefully. Are you ready, Atsushi?

Atsushi: Yes!

Dazai: First, when you leave the room, make sure you close and lock the door. Then, look behind you.

Atsushi: Behind me? Neauh! Eheaheah…heaheaheah…heauh! Ehuah! Uh…what are you doing?

Dazai: What do you think?

Atsushi: I think I’m hallucinating this whole thing?

Dazai: Wrong! Guess again.

Atsushi: An attack from a dangerous suspect? Or did you get caught in a trap?

Dazai: I got in myself.

Atsushi: Ehwah?!

{Text in purple speech bubble: ?}

Dazai: Well, you see, I read about this fascinating way to commit suicide by getting stuck in an oil drum…

{Caption #1: Diagram}

Dazai: …so I decided to give it a shot. Securing the feet is key.

{Caption #2: Securing the feet is the key}

Dazai: But now that I’ve managed to do that, I’m really just suffering. I’ve wedged myself in pretty deep, and I can’t get out on my own. I might die.

Atsushi: I see…so this is a way to commit suicide. You chose to do it and you think that it’s working; I don’t see what the problem is.

Dazai [echoing due to the drum]: I like the idea of suicide, but I’m not at all interested in pain and suffering. Who wants that?

Atsushi: All right…

(Dazai [muffled due to the drum]: Also, I only learned after the fact…)

Dazai [muffled due to the drum]: …this isn’t actually a form of suicide.

Atsushi: Ehah…

Dazai [muffled due to the drum]: It’s more a form of torture---

Atsushi: There.

Dazai: AHAUOAH!

Atsushi [narrating]: My name is Atsushi Nakajima.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi [narrating]: Just last night, I turned into a wild tiger and went on a destructive rampage. This man, Osamu Dazai, brought me back to normal.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dazai: Mmmeheueh…ah!

Atsushi [narrating]: Dazai has a special power, and he’s not alone. He works with a team of people endowed with supernatural gifts in the Armed Detective Agency.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dazai [flashback]: Atsushi Nakajima!

Atsushi [flashback]: Ehuah!

Dazai [flashback]: From this day forward, you’re going to be one of us.

Atsushi [flashback]: Eheuh…

Dazai [flashback]: You’re the new member of the Armed Detective Agency.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dazai: Huah, that was painful! I owe you a favor, Atsushi. Without your ingenious help, I would’ve eventually snapped in two at the waist. Huah, such agony.

Atsushi: Why didn’t you call your other coworkers? Couldn’t they have helped you get out of the barrel?

Dazai: Oh, I called them all right. I told them I was at death’s door. They didn’t understand my predicament. They were all like, “Well, congratulations! You’re finally doing it!”

Atsushi: Supportive friends. Hehehe, ehehehehehe…

Dazai: Geez!

(Atsushi: Ehehe!)

Dazai: Anyone gifted with supernatural powers isn’t totally right in the head.

Atsushi’s thoughts: Gifted…hm!

Atsushi: Dazai…

Dazai: Hm?

Atsushi: Everyone at the Armed Detective Agency, eh, I mean the private investigators…they’re all gifted with powers, right?

Dazai: Right. We’re an armed force, taking on enemies the police don’t stand a chance against.

Atsushi: Then I don’t stand a chance at joining the Agency.

Dazai: What are you talking about? You’re plenty gifted.

Atsushi: It’s true that I have the supernatural ability to turn into a tiger…but what good is it if I have absolutely no control over my power? I’m not even aware of it once I start to transform…and I can’t will myself to change into a wild tiger. So I don’t understand how I’d be of any use, even if I could join. I really appreciate the offer though. I am sorry.

Dazai: Very well. What’s your plan then?

Atsushi: I’ve decided I’ll look for a low-skilled, low-wage job I can handle. I’m just a little afraid it won’t be very easy to find.

Dazai: I think I may know of the perfect job for you.

Atsushi: Ehuah?

Dazai: I might even be able to help you get it.

Atsushi: Seriously?

{Caption: Episode 2: A Certain Bomb}

Atsushi: Thank you so much!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dazai: We’ll meet with the supervisor. He’ll give you all the details about the work, your coworkers, and the organization. I’ve got a good feeling about this. He’ll love you.

Atsushi: What’s the job title?

Dazai: No point spoiling the fun. But just so you know, there may be a test of sorts.

Atsushi: Neah! A test?

Dazai: Atsushi, can you read and write?

Atsushi: I can; they taught me at the orphanage school.

Dazai: Great! Then you’ll be perfect.

Atsushi: Huah…

Dazai: Yes, you’ll be just fine at this place. I guarantee it.

Atsushi: Thank you so much.

Dazai: Ahaha, you better thank me! Just leave it to me and everything will be fine, don’t you worry. After all, I am Dazai.

Dazai [in a deeper voice]: The most trusted member of the Armed Detective Agency and a true hero to adoring fans everywhere.

Kunikida: I’VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU, DAZAI!

Kunikida’s footsteps: CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP…

Kunidida: YOU BANDAGE-SQUANDERING MACHINE!

(Kunikida’s footsteps: …CLOMP CLOMP!)

(Atsushi: Geeueh!)

Dazai: AUUUUAAAGH!

{Caption: Bandage-Squandering Machine?! That stung, just a little}

Dazai: Oh you, Kunikida!

Dazai [in a deeper voice]: Why couldn’t you come up with a better nickname?

Kunikida: Because you’re delusional! You think you’re the most trusted member of the Agency?! You get more complaints than anyone else! People curse you out on a regular basis!

Atsushi: Really?

{Caption: Calls about complaints, curses…and grievances?}

Dazai: Whaaaat? No way! Since when did I ever get a complaint?

{Text on book: Ideal}

Kunikida: Here was a call we received in August.

Kunikida [in a deeper voice, imitating another man]: A so-called employee of yours has been caught in our off-shore fishing net. Can you come retrieve him?

Atsushi: Eah…

Kunikida: Here is a call from September.

Kunikida [in an old man’s voice]: Some weirdo’s gotten himself buried on my farm. Could he be one of yours?

Atsushi: Neah…

Dazai: Weauh!

Kunikida: A call in the same month.

(Dazai: Wha? Eh! Hah!)

Kunikida [in a woman’s voice]: That skinny rat needs to pay his tab, okay? All six months’ worth!

Dazai: I’m flabbergasted! WHO KNEW YOU WERE SO SKILLED AT DOING IMPRESSIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE?!

Kunikida: Geargh! You worthless cat! STOP RIDICULING ME!

(Dazai: Eugh! Heheueh…heh euh…)

Kunikida: I’m gonna shake you silly until…

Atsushi: I’m starting to have second thoughts about accepting his help. Maybe I should just look for a job on my own.

(Kunikida: …you TAKE ME SERIOUSLY! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR ANTICS! DO YOU HEAR ME?! GAAAAHHH!)

Kunikida: Oh, right.

Atsushi: Eah?

Kunikida: I just lost a whole minute with this idiot.

(Dazai: Eheh…)

Kunikida: He’s got a knack for wasting my time. We’ve gotta get to the Agency!

Dazai: We do?

Kunikida: We have an emergency. A man has taken a hostage and…threatened to blow up our office!

Dazai: Aheah!

Atsushi: A mad bomber?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi: Uaeh…

Kunikida: What? What’s your question? The Agency’s on the fourth floor.

Atsushi: Eh, no, I wasn’t thinking about that, it was more, well---

Dazai: Let’s take the stairs, to be safe.

Atsushi: E---Excuse me, but I don’t---

Kunikida: Quiet!

Atsushi: Duoh…sorry.

{Text on nameplate: Armed detective agency}

Dazai: Atsushi. It’s showtime.

Atsushi: It is?

Bomber: I can’t…I can’t take it anymore.

Secretary #1: Huah!

Bomber: It’s all your fault. The awful Armed Detective Agency’s fault. Now where’s the president? BRING ME THE PRESIDENT!

Hostage: Oh!

Bomber: If you don’t, I’ll blow everyone in this place to kingdom come!

(Hostage: Heah…heah!)

Hostage: Aauah!

Dazai: Sounds like this guy has a personal grudge. That’s inconvenient.

Kunikida: Agreed.

Atsushi: Why’d you bring me here again?

Kunikida: Based on what he’s saying, the bomber seems furious at the Agency.

Atsushi: Honestly, I don’t think I can help you; may I go now?

Dazai: Because of the work we do, we attract a lot of ill will.

(Bomber: Heah…deauh…)

Atsushi: Did you hear what I said?

Dazai: That is a military-grade, high-level explosive. If the bomber acts on his threat and detonates it, he’ll kill us and destroy the whole floor.

Atsushi: Oh no.

Dazai: We may be able to reduce the force of the blast…if we can find something to cover the bomb before it detonates.

{Text on dome: Safety First}

Dazai: But given the circumstances…since he took her hostage, he’s not only mad, he’s cruel.

Atsushi: Do you know who she is?

Dazai: Her name is Naomi. She’s a part-time office assistant.

(Naomi: Huaeh!)

Atsushi: She’s not an agent?!

(Naomi: Neah!)

Atsushi: Then she’s just an innocent victim in this terrible mess.

Kunikida: So what do we do?

Atsushi: Neauh!

Dazai: He wants to see the president. Bring him here.

Kunikida: Are you insane?! He’ll try to kill the president! We can’t let the boss walk into a bad situation like this! Plus, he’s off on a business trip.

Dazai: Right, I forgot. Then there’s only one option. Hm!

Kunikida: Eum!

Atsushi’s thoughts: Are they gonna use their powers?

Dazai: Heuah!

Kunikida: Deauh!

Dazai, Kunikida: Heah! Ha! Geah!

Dazai: Hahahahahaha!

(Kunikida: Grr…)

Dazai: Neeneeneeneenee nee…

(Kunikida: Grraugh…)

Kunikida: Hey.

Bomber: Eheah!

Kunikida: Easy does it, kid.

Bomber: Stay away! I only wanna see the president! Don’t you try anything funny, or I’ll blow this place to bits.

Kunikida: Okay.

Bomber: I know who you are. You’re Kunikida. You want me to lower my guard, so you can use that annoying ability of yours to stop me. Well, that sure ain’t happening. Lay down on that desk on your hands and knees, and keep both feet above your head!

Kunikida: Huh?

Bomber: Ge, geah…you’ll do exactly as I say, or I’m taking everyone here down with me!

Kunikida: Fine.

Dazai: This is bad. Because of his personal grudge against the Agency, he’s done his research on all the members’ names and faces. If I go out there and try to talk to him, it’ll only make him more angry. Oh my. Whatever shall we do now?

Atsushi: Euah!

Atsushi’s thoughts: Uh oh! I just got a really bad feeling!

Dazai: At-su-shi, can---

Atsushi: Absolutely not!

Dazai: I haven’t even said anything yet.

Atsushi: I already know what you’re gonna ask.

Dazai: Listen to me, Atsushi. You’re the only option. You’re not a formal member and the bomber doesn’t know you at all.

Atsushi: Ehuah! You’re right. But if I go, I won’t be able to do anything. Ehoah?

Dazai: You’ll be fine.

Atsushi: Auh!

Dazai: We just need you to distract him for a little while. Try talking to him; we’ll take care of everything else. Let me think here…ah, how about you put on an act? Make it depressing, like you think you’re a real worthless human being. I know you can do it. Ahaha, right? Here’s some props.

Atsushi: Eum…

Dazai: Trust me. Scuffles on this scale are child’s play compared to what we normally deal with. You can handle this, Atsushi.

Atsushi: Ehum…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi: D---D---D---Do---Don’t do it!

Bomber: Dauh!

Atsushi: W---W---Wh---What are you h---hoping to get out of this? I---I bet this would make your parents really sad.

Bomber: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!

Atsushi: Eheah!

{Caption #1: S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S…}

Atsushi: Eheah, deh, I’m sorry. Heah, eh!

{Caption #1a: …Scary}

Bomber: I don’t know who you are; you’re not with the Agency.

Atsushi: Deah! I---I---I---I’m a newspaper boy; I was just passing by as I was on my route.

Bomber: Why the hell would you get involved in this situation?

Atsushi: Because what you’re doing isn’t right. No matter how you feel, you shouldn’t threaten to kill people. Think about the wonderful things worth living for.

Bomber: Yeah? Like what?

Atsushi: Huh?!

Bomber: What’s something to live for?

(Caption: Wait a minute…Did you just start that thought without thinking it through?}

Atsushi: Deeah!

Bomber: Auagh!

Atsushi: Eheauh…y---yummy tea on rice!

{Caption: S…S…Sure...that’s true}

Atsushi: Tea on rice is a reason to live!

Bomber: Hm?

Atsushi: Oh, a---a---and sleeping somewhere with a roof over your head! Waking up under a roof is great! And when you open your eyes, every day is a new day. But…

(Bomber: Auh…geeh!)

Bomber: Eaum?

Atsushi: If you push that button, neither of us will ever see another new day. And that’s because we’ll be dead.

Bomber: I understand the concept.

Atsushi: WAAAIIIT! See…I really don’t think you’ve thought about this from all the angles. I mean, if you die…you’re really dead! I’m sure you wish you were dead sometimes, but there are many people who keep on living even though their lives are completely awful. Oh! People like me! I don’t have any family, and no friends either. I even got chased out of an orphanage. I have nowhere to go and no hope for the future. What’s worse, I turn into a wild tiger. Yeah, you heard me right!

Bomber: Ouah?

Atsushi: In fact, it might be true that I lack redeeming qualities, and everyone agrees I’m a useless member of society, but I’m still alive and I haven’t gone psycho!

(Bomber: Huah…geah…)

Dazai: Doing great, Atsushi. It’s almost like this performance isn’t just an act for you.

Atsushi: Now why don’t you put down that bomb detonator…

Bomber: Deauh!

Atsushi: …and we can look for jobs together! Okay?!

{Caption: You already forgot you’re pretending to deliver newspapers?}

Bomber: Eh, no thanks. I’m not exactly lookin’ for work these days. Ehueh…

Dazai: Now, Kunikida!

Kunikida: Already on it. Ability…

{Caption: Doppop Poet}

Kunikida: …Doppo Poet! WIRE GUN!

{Text on paper: Wire Gun}

Atsushi, Bomber: Eaeuh!

Bomber: Crap! Eah, auh!

Dazai: Get him, Kunikida!

Kunikida: Like I already said, I’M ON IT!

(Bomber: Eah…deah…dauh!)

Bomber: DAUGH! OOH! Deaugh…

Dazai: Okay, everyone. One man down. Well done.

Atsushi: Heah…huah!

Secretaries: Hahahaha! Hehehehe!

(Secretary #2: Awauh!)

Kunikida: “One man down”?! Are you kidding me?

(Secretaries: Hehehehe…eah?)

Dazai: Eh?

Kunikida: Fine, so it was just one guy, but I had to do all the hard physical work, unlike you. You’re all talk and no action.

Dazai: Aw, now you’re just being ridiculous. That was my only option. After all, you lost at rock-paper-scissors.

Kunikida: You bastard!

Dazai: Come on. All’s well that ends well, teammate. I’m just glad you’re still in one piece. But speaking of your health, I’ve been meaning to tell you: I heard that if you’re too neurotic, your aging becomes accelerated.

Kunikida: Neauh! Really, is that true?

Dazai: Yes, you should write this down.

Kunikida: A tip for better longevity: if you’re too neurotic, your aging becomes accelerated…

Dazai: I’m messing with you.

(Kunikida: …according to Dazai)

Kunikida: DAH!

Dazai: Guah!

Kunikida: You little weasel; I’m gonna teach you to STOP RIDICULING ME!

Bomber: Geah! Dah ha hauh…dah!

(Kunikida: Aeuh…auagh!)

Kunikida: What the hell?!

Bomber: Now you’ll pay!

(Atsushi, Naomi: Huah!)

Bomber: I swear…anyone with supernatural powers is not totally right in the head.

Bomb: BEEP!

Atsushi: Thirty seconds left ‘til detonation!

Kunikida: Hey, kid!

Bomber: No way!

(Kunikida: DAUH!)

Atsushi: Kunikida! What do I do? Deauh!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dazai [flashback]: We may be able to reduce the force of the blast if we can find something to cover it before it detonates.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi: Something to cover the bomb! Something! There’s nothing here! Eah!

Naomi: Hueah!

Atsushi: Eheh…eheaheheaheheah…deah!

Naomi: Oh! Eaumph!

Dazai: Deah! Atsushi! Huah?!

Atsushi: Well, I guess I’m crazy to do this.

Dazai: You fool!

Kunikida: No, don’t!

Atsushi: Ehdeauh!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi: Eheuaheuah, ehueh…eheauh…

Kunikida: Geez…

Atsushi: Ehuah?

Kunikida: You know, I figured the kid was stupid, just not that stupid.

Atsushi: Huh?

Dazai: He even has the talent to become a suicidal maniac. Wouldn’t you agree with me…Tanizaki?

Tanizaki: Sorry. Are you okay?

Atsushi: Huh?

Naomi: Oh, my sweet big brother!

Tanizaki: Eeh!

Naomi: Please tell me you’re all right!

Atsushi: What?

{Caption #1: Tanizaki Junichirou. Ability: Light Snow}

{Caption #2: His Younger Sister Tanizaki Naomi}

Naomi: Deauh! You were so wonderful as the villain! I believed every second of it! I had the time of my life being tied up! And I loved how intense and dangerous it felt! Please, promise me we’ll continue where we left off once we get home!

(Tanizaki: Aahuahuahaahaah, aah, aah, aaheah, aahuahuah, hehehe! Um, aah, um, deauah!)

Atsushi: Ehumehumehum! So she was in on the entire thing too?

Kunikida: You mad? If you’re upset, you should blame Dazai. Or yourself. After all, you chose an idiot like him to help you find work.

Atsushi: Wait, does that mean this is the job?

Dazai: It sure is. I told you there was a test involved.

Atsushi: As in, an entrance exam?

Fukuzawa: Exactly right.

Secretary #3: The exam has been completed without any complications, President.

Fukuzawa: I see.

Atsushi: President?

Fukuzawa: Dazai came to my office saying his work had brought him in contact with a capable young man.

{Caption #1: President of the Armed Detective Agency}

{Caption #2: Fukuzawa Yukichi. Ability: All Men Are Created Equal}

Fukuzawa: But I needed more than his word, so I had him test your mettle.

Atsushi: Ahuah…

Dazai: You did well. I brought up the idea that the Agency hire you, but since you’ve been designated a major threat throughout the ward, there was disagreement as to whether we should take you in.

Fukuzawa: Then Dazai asked me a question.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dazai [flashback]: President. What if the most gifted person in the world came into your office, wanting to work here? Would you hire them?

Fukuzawa [flashback]: Power alone doesn’t make one fit to be a member of the Agency.

Dazai [flashback]: Hm…that’s exactly why I’m recommending him.

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Kunikida: With that in mind, are you ready to make your decision?

Dazai: Hm!

Atsushi: Aheuah…

Fukuzawa: I’ll let Dazai decide.

Dazai: You can trust me, sir.

Atsushi: Geah, hold on, Dazai. This is all happening too fast. Does this mean the job you told me about this morning was…

Dazai: You apparently passed the test. Welcome to the Armed Detective Agency, Atsushi Nakajima.

Tanizaki: Not again!

Naomi: Great! I’m glad I was able to help!

Tanizaki: Congratulations! You passed your big exam.

Atsushi: Ah, no no, no! This job is way too violent for me. And you people are completely reckless.

Dazai: Yet you’re the one who threw yourself on a bomb to protect the rest of us. That takes a special kind of person.

Naomi: You know he’s right! I can’t believe how brave you were!

Dazai: You’ll do fine working here.

Atsushi: Will I?

{Caption: Secretary Haruno Kirako}

Haruno: Have you reached a decision, sir? Do you think the young man performed competently enough to join the Agency?

Fukuzawa: Hm?

Haruno: Hm? Oh, a tea leaf standing straight up. I think that's a very good omen, President.

Fukuzawa: Slurp…eum, too hot.

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Dazai: Now, obviously…

Atsushi: Nehuah?

Dazai: We can’t force you to join. But if you don’t, there are a lot of considerations that cause me to worry for your future. You’ll have to vacate your present Agency-owned living accommodations, you don’t really have any specialized skills, nor do you have friends or any personal contacts in the city. That will make finding a job very difficult. And let’s not forget, you are a wanted tiger with a bounty on your head.

(Atsushi: Euam…mmhm…ehuam…)

Atsushi: HUAEH!

Dazai: Should anyone discover that personal detail, you’d get fired. Or worse, you’d be captured, tied up, and maybe shot dead.

Atsushi: SH---SH---SHOT DEAD?!

Dazai: But if you were with the Agency…you would be a much happier story.

Atsushi: Neauh! So I’m stuck here.

Naomi: Welcome aboard! We’re excited to work with you, Atsushi!

(Atsushi: Ehgeargh…)

Naomi: Right, sweet brother?

(Tanizaki: Duoh! Eeaugh…)

Kunikida: Remember to follow the rules, rookie.

Dazai: Well, I’m glad it’s settled.

Atsushi: Oh brother!

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Woman: The weretiger has been located.

{Caption: Episode 3: Yokohama Gangster Paradise}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi: So, Dazai, tell me, what did you do before you entered the Agency?

Dazai: Take a guess! If you get it right, I’ll give you a prize of 700,000 yen.

Atsushi: 700,000?!

Dazai: Meanwhile, we have a guest at the Agency office. It looks like there’s been another incident.

Atsushi: Next time on Bungou Stray Dogs, Episode 3: Yokohama Gangster Paradise.

{Caption: Episode 3: Yokohama Gangster Paradise}

Dazai: Think about it: I could have been a manga artist, or even an anime producer!

#anime #anime transcripts #anime dub transcripts #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs transcripts

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anime-dub-transcripts · 11 months

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Bungou Stray Dogs Wan! Master List

Episode 1 (Bungou Stray Dogs REAL/What's Inside the Locker?/An Unfruitful Exchange)

#anime #anime masterlist

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anime-dub-transcripts · 11 months

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Bungou Stray Dogs Wan! Episode #1: Bungou Stray Dogs REAL/What's Inside the Locker/An Unfruitful Exchange Transcript

This episode has the cast turned into real dogs, Atsushi and Dazai cleaning out lockers, and the Port Mafia's troubles with tea.

{Caption: Bungo Stray Dogs Episode 1 (Wan) REAL}

Dazai [narrating]: Stray dogs. A pack of lost hounds, dashing aimlessly through the expanse of Yokohama.

{Caption: Stray dogs. A herd of lost dogs, sprinting at the bottom of the ditch in dark Yokohama}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dog Atsushi: This scent.

{Caption: Nakajima Atsushi}

Dog Atsushi: It means something terrible is happening. I have to tell Dazai and the others about it.

{Caption: Dazai Osamu}

Dog Dazai: Eum…eating this would kill me, but I don’t wanna suffer beforehand.

{Caption: Please never feed chocolate to a dog}

Dog Atsushi: Dazai! It’s urgent.

(Dog Dazai: Hm?)

Dog Atsushi: Is Mr. Kunikida here?

Dog Kunikida: Ehumph…wait, my glasses.

{Caption: Kunikida Doppo}

Dog Kunikida: What’s wrong, Atsushi?

Dog Atsushi: I just found out that our turf is being invaded!

Dog Dazai: In what way?

Dog Atsushi: The scent in front of that one building we like to go to is different.

Dog Kunikida: How unfortunate. That spot is, like, doggy heaven for us.

Dog Dazai: A beloved feeding ground like that would surely be the envy of any lost dog.

Dog Atsushi: Sure would!

Dog Dazai: We cannot allow it to fall into anyone else’s paws.

Dog Atsushi: Let’s hurry then!

Dog Dazai, Dog Kunikida: Right!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dog Kunikida: Sniff sniff! Someone else has been here for sure.

Dog Atsushi: Yeah, it smells like…danger.

Dog Kunikida: To encroach on our property in such a brazen manner…who would do this?

Dog Akutagawa: Actually, this is our property now.

Dog Kunikida: Huah!

(Dog Atsushi: Ehah!)

Dog Atsushi: Akutagawa!

{Caption: Akutagawa Ryunosuke}

Dog Chuuya: Be gone at once!

{Caption: Nakahara Chuuya}

{Caption #1: Glare}

{Caption #2: Plop}

Dog Atsushi: Is that you, Chuuya?

Dog Chuuya: Hey, don’t talk to me like you know me, punk! Grrr…

Dog Akutagawa: Cough cough! Uh…I think it’s time you all scurried on home now.

(Dog Chuuya: Grr…grr…)

{Caption #1: Special Arfbility}

{Caption #2: Ruffshoumon}

Dog Akutagawa: Special Arfbility: Ruffshoumon!

(Arfbility: A pun on “ability”)

(Ruffshoumon: A pun; in the original show, Akutagawa’s ability is named “Rashoumon”)

Dog Atsushi: Ehah!

(Dog Kunikida: Duah!)

Dog Kunikida: If they are determined to bare their fangs at us, I’ll make some weapons.

Dog Atsushi: Sounds good!

{Caption #1a: Special Ability: Doppo Pawet}

(Pawet: A pun; in the original show, Kunikida’s ability is named “Doppo Poet”)

Dog Kunikida [muffled by the book in his mouth]: Doppo Pawet!

{Caption #1b: Special Arfbility: Doppo Pawet}

Dazai [narrating]: Kunikida’s abil---uh, arfbility, rather, creates whatever he writes in his notebook.

(Arfbility: A pun on “ability”)

Dazai [narrating]: Alas, dogs cannot write.

Dog Atsushi: It’s okay, Mr. Kunikida! Don’t give up! Just leave it to me! Got your hind.

{Caption #1: Special Arfbility}

{Caption #2: Beast Beneath the Hydrant}

Atsushi: Beast Beneath the Hydrant!

(Arfbility: A pun on “ability”)

(Beast Beneath the Hydrant: A pun; in the original show, Atsushi’s ability is named “Beast Beneath the Moonlight”)

Tiger: ROOAR!

Cat Atsushi: Meow! Hm hm!

Dog Akutagawa: You changed from a dog into a cat?

Cat Atsushi: TIGER!

Dog Akutagawa: Huh! I don’t care. LET’S GO!

Cat Atsushi: MEEROOOW!

{Caption: Special Arfbility: No Longer Hooman}

(Arfbility: A pun on “ability”)

(No Longer Hooman: A pun that references a common practice in pet memes to misspell “human” as “hooman”; in the original show, Dazai’s ability is named “No Longer Human”)

Dog Dazai: That’s enough of that.

Dog Akutagawa: Guah!

Dog Atsushi: Ah, ahuahueh! Why did you stop us?

Dog Dazai: Why? It’s quite simple. Because it’s time for us to have breakfast!

Dog Atsushi, Dog Kunikida, Dog Akutagawa, Dog Chuuya: Breakfast?

Atsushi: Even more dogs? Oh well.

Dog Dazai: We’ve been working up an appetite all night, so why don’t we call a truce for the moment?

Dog Akutagawa: Very well then.

Atsushi: Hey now! Don’t get too excited. Hahaha!

(Dogs: Nom ahnom nom nom nom…mm mm! Nom nom!)

Dazai: Morning!

(Dogs: Nom nom!)

Atsushi: Oh, good morning, Dazai.

(Dogs: Nom mm mm…nom!)

Dazai: Mm, wow! They’re really going to town, aren't they?

(Dogs: Mm! Nom nom nom! Mm!)

Dogs: Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom!

Atsushi: They sure are.

(Dogs: Nom nom!)

Dazai: Hm hm!

(Dogs: Nom nom!)

Dogs: Nom nom nom!

Dazai [narrating]: Unbeknownst to the Armed Detective Agency, some stray dogs are able to have full lives.

{Caption: Bungo Stray Dogs Wan!}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fukuzawa: The wind…is smiling. Hmhmhm!

{Caption above Kyouka’s head: ?}

{Caption: Episode 2 “What’s Inside the Locker?”}

Dazai: What’s with that look, Atsushi? Are you upset you’ve been put on clean-up duty?

Atsushi: No, but I’m not thrilled either.

Dazai: Now, now, cleaning up around the Agency is a noble task too. And that includes tidying up people’s lockers, FYI!

Atsushi: Grr!

Dazai: I admit, it kinda sucks, but work’s work, am I right? Yay work!

Atsushi: I’m glad one of us is into this.

{Caption: It is bad manners to open someone’s private locker}

Dazai: 🎵De doo doo doo doo, de doo de doo de…🎵

Atsushi: Hold on, Dazai! We can’t go around opening up people’s lockers! That’s their own private space! You’ll get us in trouble!

(Dazai: 🎵…doo de de doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo, de doo doo doo, doo doo doo de doo doo doo doo doo!🎵)

Dazai: Hm?

{Caption above Dazai’s head: ?}

Dazai: But the cleaning lady goes into the men’s bathroom…

Cleaning lady: Excuse me!

(Dazai: …all the time…)

Dazai: …and that’s supposed to be private…

{Caption: Eek!}

Dream Dazai: YAAAAAHHH!

(Dazai: …too, isn’t it?)

Atsushi: That’s part of her job!

Dazai: Exactly! And tidying lockers will be part of our job today.

Atsushi: Oh, that makes sense.

Dazai: Since that’s settled…

Atsushi: Never mind, there is no way this is okay!

Dazai: Who cares? The only thing I’m concerned with is seeing what’s inside these lockers!

Atsushi: Wow, just came right out with it!

Dazai: Our first contestant isssss…

Atsushi: Dazai, are you sure about this? Ehum?

{Text on locker: Yosano}

Dazai: Actually, you know what, let’s start with Kunikida’s locker.

Atsushi: Good idea.

Dazai: That’s about what I expected.

Atsushi: Why do you think he has multiple calendars though?

Dazai: That’s Kunikida for you.

Atsushi: True enough.

Dazai: Hmm, if I had to guess…

Atsushi: Uah…

Dazai: …one of these books must…

{Text on book: My Ideal (Secret)}

Dazai: …be full of his embarrassing poetry, eeheeheehee! And there we have it. Let’s see.

Dazai [reading from book]: How to make my---

{Text on book: How to Make My Ideal, Serious, Hard-Working Dazai}

Atsushi: The notebook is titled “How to Make My Ideal, Serious, Hard-Working Dazai”.

Dazai: How wretched! This is a cursed object. As part of clean-up duty, it is our job to banish it.

Atsushi’s thoughts: Aw man, what’s he gonna do?!

Dazai: All done!

Atsushi’s thoughts: That’s it?!

Dazai: Onward, men!

Atsushi: Are we really still doing this?

{Text on locker: Miyazawa}

Atsushi: Kenji’s locker.

Cow: Mooooo!

Atsushi: Eee! Deuh!

{Text on locker: Tanizaki (Naomi)}

Atsushi: Naomi’s locker.

{Text in locker: Onii-sama}

(Onii-sama: Big brother → Japanese. Typically, you would use “onii-san” or “onii-chan”; “-sama” denotes someone who is above the speaker in status, and in this context, is indicative of Naomi’s…great love for him)

Atsushi: Oah! Oh, ouah…

{Text on locker: Izumi}

Atsushi: Ky---Kyoka’s locker. Tofu with bonito flakes?!

Dazai: What will we find in Ranpo’s locker?

Atsushi: I’m pretty sure we both have a good idea of what we’re gonna find in there.

Dazai: Well, we won’t know for sure ‘till we look inside!

Atsushi: Yep, lots of snacks.

Dazai: Eh?

Atsushi: Uah!

Ranpo [through a mouthful of food]: Euh? Oh, hey, guys. You need something?

Atsushi: What the heck are you doing in there?!

(Dazai: Euahm…)

Ranpo: Snacks taste way better when you’re in your secret spot. Yay!

Atsushi: You’re treating your locker like a secret hideout?

Ranpo: Hey, you’re cleaning up, right? Can you throw this out for me?

Atsushi: Euh, sure.

Ranpo: Okay, now try to keep it down out there. Catch ya later!

{Text on locker: Edogawa}

Atsushi: Well then, shall we continue on?

Dazai: Mmhm.

Atsushi: Is it just me, or has that puddle gotten even bigger? Is it…really…blood?

Dazai: Hey, how about we skip this one again?

Atsushi: No, we’re here to do a job, so let’s just get this over with, okay?

Dazai: Meow meow, I don’t know, meow meow.

Atsushi: Say what?

Dazai: Wh…wh…what if it really is blood pouring out of that locker? I’m scared.

Atsushi: Fair point.

Dazai: Hey, I know! Why don’t we check out my locker?

Atsushi: Uh…

Dazai: Aren’t you curious to see what’s inside?

{Text on locker: Dazai}

Atsushi: Well, let’s just say that part of me is, and part of me isn’t.

Dazai: That’s good enough for me. Ta-da! A Dazai-style suicide locker!

Atsushi: Yep! That’s creepy, all right!

{Caption: Gurgle}

Dazai: And if you tip it on its side, it even doubles as a coffin!

{Caption: Go to Hell!}

Atsushi: Please don’t try to sell me on its multiple uses.

Dazai: Huah, I think that’s plenty of work for today, don’t you?

Atsushi: You’re happy ‘cause you got to show off your locker?!

Dazai: Why don’t we ditch this place and go get a tasty dessert somewhere? Hahahaha!

Atsushi: Uah…good grief.

Atsushi [narrating]: At the time, I had no idea…that Dazai’s locker really would become a coffin…on one fated day.

Kunikida: Gewhah…why is my precious notebook in the trash? Was this Dazai’s doing? Unforgivable!

{Caption #1: Bungo Stray Dogs}

{Caption #2: My wine…}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption: Episode 3 “An Unfruitful Exchange”}

Akutagawa: Cough, cough cough cough!

(Higuchi: Oh!)

Higuchi: Welcome back, Mr. Akutagawa.

Tachihara: The man of the hour.

Higuchi: I’ll go make some tea.

Akutagawa: No, thank you.

Higuchi: Of course! It’ll be ready in a sec!

Tachihara: She’s not even listening.

Chuuya: What up, punks?

Tachihara: Hm?

Akutagawa: Hm?

Chuuya: Akutagawa. Good, you’re here.

Akutagawa: What is it?

Chuuya: I have a message.

Akutagawa: Thank you for delivering it.

Chuuya: Euah…was just passin’ by.

Tachihara’s thoughts: Mm, yeah, we’re gonna need some tea for Chuuya too.

Tachihara [whispering]: Hey!

Higuchi: Oh!

Tachihara [whispering]: Make sure you make tea for two. Tea for two.

Higuchi: Hm? Oh! Mm mm!

Tachihara: Hehehehehe!

Higuchi: Hmmmm!

Tachihara [whispering]: No, no peace signs! Don’t ever do the peace sign. And don’t do it twice. Chuu. Ya’s. Here. Mm? So. Make. Two. Cups. Of. Tea. Hm!

Higuchi: Ahaha!

{Caption: OK}

Tachihara: Did she get it?

Higuchi: Here you are, sir.

Tachihara: Not even close! And she only brought yokan for one person as well! Come on, Higuchi, when are you gonna get your head out of the clouds?! Can’t you see Chuuya’s sitting right there?! He’s not that small!

Chuuya: Dauoh!

Tachihara: Just look at Akutagawa’s face! That lonely offering of tea and dessert is staring him down! He doesn’t know what to do about it! Nothing from Chuuya, either! This is awkward! SO VERY AWKWARD!

Akutagawa: Enjoy.

{Caption: Crap!}

Higuchi: AAAAAAAHHHHH!

Chuuya: Uh, thank you.

{Text on Gin’s paper: This was bound to happen}

Tachihara: Huh? Yeah, was pretty obvious, huh?

{Caption: Crap!}

Higuchi: Craaaaaaa…

Tachihara: Don’t tell me you still haven’t figured it out!

(Higuchi: …aaaaaaappppppp!)

Tachihara: PICK YOUR JAW UP OFF THE FLOOR, HIGUCHI!

Akutagawa: Hey!

Tachihara: OOOOOH, SOUNDS LIKE AKUTAGAWA’S GONNA LAY DOWN THE LAW!

Akutagawa: SHUT YOUR TRAP, TACHIHARA!

Tachihara: Ouch, I’d hate to be that guy---WAIT, ME?!

{Caption #1: Crap!}

{Caption #2: Crap!}

Akutagawa: Did I stutter?!

(Male voice: Oweeehhhh!)

Tachihara: Oh, wait…I got yelled at? Uh, auheh…

(Male voice: Ohweahweahweahweahweahweah…)

(Phone: Ring! Ring!)

Chuuya: S’up?

(Tachihara: …aahaahaaheuweah…)

Chuuya: Got it. Akutagawa, go to HQ ASAP.

Akutagawa: ‘Kay.

Chuuya: I don’t know why I bothered coming here.

Higuchi: Uh, I’ll accompany you, Mr. Akutagawa.

Tachihara: But…but why? Why me? It’s not faaaaaair!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tachihara: Deweuaheaheaheah…eum! It’s…cool if I eat this, right?

{Text on Gin’s paper: Equal shares}

Tachihara: Mmhm.

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Ace Attorney Episode #7: Turnabout Samurai---Last Trial Transcript

This episode has the third part of Turnabout Samurai.

Phoenix: A real superhero fights for justice. They stomp out evil and help those in need. I have my own weapons in my fight for justice: clues, wits, and an uncanny ability to find contradictions.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption: Turnabout Samurai--Last Trial}

Powers: I just heard that Steel Samurai is gonna be canceled.

Maya: HUH?! But why?!

Powers: The top brass at the studio. They’ve decided they just don’t wanna do it anymore.

Maya: But the kids love Steel Samurai! They’re gonna be so sad if the show just gets pulled off the air!

Powers: I know they will. It’s my fault.

Phoenix: No, it’s not. You haven’t done anything wrong.

(Powers: Huh?)

Phoenix: The one who killed Jack Hammer is to blame, and I’ll prove who did it.

Powers: Naugh!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption: Defendant | Will Powers}

Judge: This court is hereby in session.

Edgeworth: The prosecution is ready to begin, Your Honor.

Phoenix: The defense is ready, Your Honor.

{Caption #1: May 14, 10 AM}

{Caption #2: District Court--Courtroom No. 4}

Judge: You may proceed with your opening statement, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: During our previous session, we discovered that there were indeed others present at the scene on the day of the murder, and today, we shall hear their testimony regarding the surrounding events. During the crime, our witness was holding a meeting in Studio Two’s trailer. Producer Dee Vasquez.

{Caption: Witness | Dee Vasquez}

Phoenix’s thoughts: I’ll wipe that smug look off her face.

{Caption: Witness Testimony}

Vasquez: It’s true: I had a meeting in Studio Two’s trailer. It began precisely at noon…

{Red text: 12 Noon}

Vasquez: …and ended promptly at four p.m.

{Red text: 4 PM}

Vasquez: There was a rehearsal to be held an hour later at five, so we headed over to Studio One…

{Red text: 5 PM}

Vasquez: …where the staff discovered Jack Hammer’s body.

Edgeworth: Let me remind the court that the autopsy estimates the time of death to be 2:30 p.m.

Vasquez: Yes, right in the middle of our meeting.

{Caption: Cross-Examination}

Phoenix: According to someone else who attended that meeting, you took a fifteen minute break around 2:30. Can you confirm this?

Vasquez: Yes.

Phoenix: I’d like you to look at this photo. It was taken mere moments before the incident. And it clearly shows the Studio Two gate and trailer. I interviewed the boy who took this picture. He told me right after it was taken, the Steel Samurai was killed by a villain.

Judge: What? He was killed?

Phoenix: The man in the Steel Samurai costume was actually the victim Jack Hammer. And he was murdered right outside Studio Two. The evidence I have will bear this out.

Judge: Ehum! Hmm…

Phoenix: I submit this photograph to the court. Around 2:30 p.m., the meeting was suspended. That’s when Hammer arrived, dressed as the Steel Samurai. At that time, anyone present at that meeting could have killed him.

Edgeworth: Objection! Have you forgotten? The staff found Hammer’s body inside Studio One dressed as the Evil Magistrate, his character.

Phoenix: Huah! Aahn…well, uh, yes. True. But I bet the killer staged a fake crime scene.

Edgeworth: You’d bet, would you?

Cigarette holder: Tap, tap, tap!

Gallery: Huohah!

(Phoenix: Ahuah!)

Vasquez: If I may. Listen, you think I killed Jack, don’t you? If that’s so, I’d like to point out a few contradictions in that narrative. Would you object to that?

Phoenix: No, I would not.

Vasquez: First, let’s discuss the murder weapon: the Steel Samurai’s Samurai Spear.

Edgeworth: It was found plunged into the victim’s chest. Tell us about it.

Vasquez: Well, it’s heavy and cumbersome. Impossible for a delicate woman such as myself to use it as intended.

Edgeworth: Perhaps the defense would like to examine it.

Phoenix: Aahuoh!

Vasquez: Hammer was attacked head-on and stabbed in the chest, which indicates that he was aware of the killer’s presence. They took down an action star with a large weapon. That takes strength, more than the average person possesses.

Judge: Indeed. The witness would not be capable of that.

{Caption: Objection!}

Phoenix: OBJECTION! Whether Miss Vasquez can wield the spear or not has no bearing on this case.

Edgeworth: What are you saying?

Phoenix: I’m saying the Samurai Spear was not the murder weapon. It would be extremely difficult for anyone to kill someone with it…because it had been broken that morning. And stabbing a man straight through layers of a thick costume…that would be impossible.

{Caption: Objection!}

Edgeworth: OBJECTION! The prosecution requests the defense present evidence to back up this absurd claim.

Phoenix: Ehuah!

Edgeworth: Well, defense? Can you produce the actual weapon?

Phoenix: Uh, look, I…

Edgeworth: If you don’t have the evidence, you don’t have anything. That’s how it works in the courtroom.

Judge: The prosecution does bring up a valid point. Do you have more than conjecture?

Maya: But…look at it.

Vasquez: You’d be wise to follow the rules of adult society, boy.

Phoenix: Ehauah…ehumhm…

{Caption: Hold it!}

Cody: HOLD IT!

Gallery: Ahuah!

Cody: You think the most important things are rules?! I’m a kid, and even I know there are way bigger things in life!

Vasquez: You little hellion. You should know to keep your mouth shut.

Cody: Think about what the Steel Samurai does! He fights evil in the name of justice!

Oldbag: Ehuah!

Cody: He fights for what’s right! But he really needs us to help him! So let’s do what’s right: defeat the evildoer! He doesn’t kill people; he saves them! And now we gotta save the Steel Samurai!

Maya: Cody…

Judge: Hey! Order, order in the court! Bailiff, remove this unruly rapscallion at once!

Phoenix: Ehumuam…uah!

(Cody: I’ll strike you down as the samurai would, you evildoer!)

Oldbag: Listen, young’uns.

Maya, Phoenix: What is it?

Oldbag: Ssh. Just take this. Here.

Maya: Awh!

Phoenix: Ahuah! What the?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oldbag: It’s a picture of what happened five years ago. Poor Jack accidentally caused his scene partner to slip and fall to his death.

Hammer [flashback]: Huh?

Oldbag: What’s worse, a paparazzo caught it all on film.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oldbag: And that vile woman swept it all under the rug somehow.

Phoenix: You mean Vasquez?

Oldbag: Ever since, she’s been using it to her advantage. Blackmailing that sweet man with a threat to go public. Had him working for peanuts.

(Cody: Aah! You better let me go right now!)

Maya: Really?!

Oldbag: It’s the truth. He just made an awful mistake.

Phoenix: And it cost him his life.

Oldbag: Please, you’ve gotta make this right.

Judge: Order, order!

(Cody: You’re gonna be sorry about this!)

Judge: Awuah…now let’s pick up where we left off. So where were we exactly?

Edgeworth: I was requesting the defense produce evidence of this mythical murder weapon.

{Caption: Objection!}

Phoenix: OBJECTION! I’ll give the prosecution what they want.

Edgeworth: What do you mean?

Phoenix: I just saw the truth exposed right before my very eyes. And I know what really killed Jack Hammer.

Maya: Show ‘em, Nick!

Phoenix: At this time, the defense would like to produce new evidence to the court.

Vasquez: Eum!

Powers: Ehueh!

Judge: Auoh! Please, explain this photograph.

Phoenix: Five years ago, there was a horrific accident at Studio Two. This is a picture taken at that time.

Judge: Woah! That is quite horrific indeed.

Edgeworth: Objection! You said you had evidence of the murder weapon, but I see nothing of the sort.

Phoenix: How’s that possible when you’re looking directly at it? It’s right there!

Edgeworth: Ahum, dear me.

Phoenix: What would happen if one were to fall off the trailer’s stairs? This photograph shows the grisly truth.

Judge: So are you telling us that the murderer intentionally pushed the victim onto the fence like this?

Edgeworth: That’s ridiculous!

Judge: Ehum…

Vasquez: Hm! Very interesting history that you’ve dug up there. But let me ask you: why would I have done this?

Phoenix: Why?

Vasquez: Yes, why would I want Jack Hammer dead?

Edgeworth: That’s right! Miss Vasquez has no motive.

Phoenix: Yes, she does, you’ve just gotta turn your thinking around.

Judge: Please elaborate, Mr. Wright.

(Maya: Ahah!)

Phoenix: You covered up this incident, did you not? You hid the evidence. Since then, you used it to blackmail Hammer, forcing him to do your bidding and work for chump change.

Vasquez: I’m a producer. I use actors and stay under budget.

Phoenix: You humiliated him. And he wanted you to pay the ultimate price for what you were doing.

Judge: Wait, hold on one moment. If I understand you, it seems you’re trying to say that it was actually the victim who wanted to murder the witness.

Phoenix: Yes, Your Honor. You see, we were looking at this case the wrong way.

Edgeworth: What? How so?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phoenix: While Will Powers slept that day, Jack Hammer entered his dressing room and stole the Steel Samurai costume. Why would he do this, you ask? To get revenge on Dee Vasquez, who had taken advantage of him for five agonizing years.

Vasquez [flashback]: Auh! Heah! Mmah! Mm! Mm…auah!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Judge: So Mr. Wright, you claim this was a case of revenge gone bad? It’s quite an ironic situation you’ve described for the court. The victim died the same way he’d accidentally killed his fellow actor five years ago?

Phoenix: That’s correct, Your Honor.

Vasquez: I applaud your creativity. Honestly, I could use someone like you on my writing staff, but it’s just not believable.

Phoenix: So you deny it?

Vasquez: I killed Jack, dragged his body to Studio One, changed his clothes, and staged a crime scene to frame Will? All during a fifteen minute break.

Edgeworth: That’s absolute rubbish. First off, moving the body would be impossible. Don’t you remember? The road connecting the two studios was completely blocked at that time…BY THE SEVERED HEAD OF THE FOREST BLIMP!

Maya: I’m sure he meant “The Forest Imp”.

Phoenix: I’m just gonna let that one slide.

Judge: Yes, it does seem unlikely, given the timeline of events.

{Caption: Objection!}

Phoenix: OBJECTION! Actually, it doesn’t contradict the timeline in the least. She just did it in phases.

Judge: Defense, what do you mean?

Phoenix: She hid the body and then returned to the meeting. And once that was over, she loaded him in the van and drove to Studio One. By then, the roadway was no longer blocked.

Vasquez: You’re smarter than you look, boy. You’ve really figured something out. I’m impressed.

Phoenix: Ehauah! Are you admitting your guilt? That you murdered Jack Hammer, then covered it up?

Vasquez: You’re smart, but you clearly don’t understand what I’m saying.

Phoenix: And what’s that?

Vasquez: You’ve mapped out a way that it could have happened, and according to your story, I can see how it all works out, were it true.

Phoenix: I’m not saying it could’ve happened; I’m saying it did!

Vasquez: Again, you’re forgetting the rules of the society in which we live. You there. Enlighten him.

Edgeworth: Just as I said earlier, if you don’t have the evidence, you don’t have anything. That’s how this works.

Vasquez: For an attorney, you’re not good with facts. But you are a very creative storyteller. Perhaps you should write fantasy novels.

Phoenix: Ehuah!

Vasquez: It’s been entertaining, but it’s over.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Judge: Does the defense have any other evidence it can produce to back up these claims against the witness?

Maya: Do you?

Phoenix: Eum, aauah!

Vasquez: Then your cross examination is done. Bravo…and farewell.

Phoenix’s thoughts: I’m wracking my brain, but I can’t think of anything to keep her on the stand!

{Caption: Hold it!}

Edgeworth: HOLD IT!

Phoenix’s thoughts: Edgeworth?

Judge: Do you have something to add, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I request that the witness take the stand and testify once more, Your Honor.

Vasquez: Ahuah?

Maya: What do you think he’s doing?

Phoenix: Huah…

Edgeworth: There is still more to be discussed. Yes, what transpired after the body was found, for example. If a witness is asked to testify, they can’t refuse. That is another rule we have.

Judge: Very well. Witness, please take the stand.

{Caption: Witness Testimony}

Vasquez: We called the police the instant we found Jack’s body. I then returned to the trailer to fetch my script and went home for the evening. Happy now?

Judge: Well? Does the defense wish to cross examine?

Phoenix: Uah! Uh, yes.

Phoenix’s thoughts: Where am I supposed to go with that?

Phoenix: So you originally went to Studio One for a rehearsal, is that correct?

Vasquez: Yes.

Phoenix: Then explain why you left your script back in the trailer.

Vasquez: I was under the impression that we would not be able to rehearse.

Phoenix: And why is that?

Vasquez: Because there had been a murder on the set. Do you not remember?

{Caption: Objection!}

Edgeworth: OBJECTION!

Vasquez: Uah…oh, ah!

Edgeworth: You claim that you didn’t bring your script because you assumed there would be no rehearsal?! It sounds to me that you had prior knowledge. You knew there would be a corpse waiting there.

Phoenix: Deah!

Gallery: Huah! What? Wooaah!

Judge: Order! Mr. Edgeworth, I do see the merits of your observation. But why are you casting doubt on your own witness?

Maya: I think I know why.

Phoenix: Me too. It’s because he knows the truth. She’s the one who killed Hammer.

Edgeworth: Your Honor, I have a right to ask whatever questions I deem reasonable. Ms. Vasquez, explain your actions.

Vasquez: It seems the prosecution is in cahoots with the defense. No matter. I had a perfectly valid reason to believe that rehearsal would be canceled that afternoon.

Phoenix: And what was that?

Vasquez: Hammer. I knew that he had injured himself and therefore would not be able to perform the action scenes.

Judge: Oh, yes, I see.

Phoenix: Euam!

Vasquez: Should I take your silence as an admission of defeat?

Edgeworth: Objection!

Judge: Yes? What is it, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Ehuahah…I hoped to come up with a question; I thought I could buy enough time this way. But I have nothing to ask.

Judge: DUAGH! Deah…

Edgeworth: NEVERTHELESS, I STILL OBJECT!

Judge: Your objection is overruled!

Phoenix’s thoughts: Come on, Edgeworth…

Maya: Hey, Nick. If my sister were here with us right now, do you know what she would say? At the moment when things seem the most desperate, that is when we laugh, right?

Phoenix: Yes.

Phoenix’s thoughts: When things are desperate, laugh and smile. That smug look is a mask! She’s right on the edge.

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Vasquez [flashback]: Hammer. I knew that he had injured himself and therefore would not be able to perform the action scenes.

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Phoenix: Ehuah! Huaeh…

Maya: Auh! Awuah…

{Caption: Objection!}

Phoenix: OBJECTION!

Vasquez: Euah!

Phoenix: Ms. Vasquez, your testimony does not add up! You said you knew Hammer was injured?!

Vasquez: Yes, what of it?

Phoenix: An actor was injured, but it was not Jack Hammer. It was the star, Will Powers!

Vasquez: What are you talking about?

Edgeworth: It’s true; Hammer may have been dragging his foot when he approached you at the trailer that day, but that’s because he was pretending to be Will Powers in the costume.

Vasquez: No! It can’t be!

Phoenix: And you were not present at that morning’s rehearsal, so you didn’t see the accident take place. How did you know about the ankle?

Vasquez: Auh! Well, I…Sal! Yes. I’d heard it from Sal Manella, the director.

Phoenix: I know that’s not true. Although he was there, I highly doubt he would forget it was the actor portraying the title character that sustained an injury.

Vasquez: Auah!

Phoenix: The reason you’re confused is that you saw Hammer limping around that day. You thought he’d been hurt.

Vasquez: Grr…

Phoenix: You weren’t at the rehearsal, so when did you see the victim?

Edgeworth: Well, clearly…it must have been the moment when he approached Studio Two’s trailer wearing the Steel Samurai costume.

Phoenix: Yes. A moment that coincides directly with your fifteen minute break.

Edgeworth: Which in turn coincides directly with the victim’s time of death on the autopsy report!

Vasquez: Ehueh…ohauh…deum…

Judge: Ouah…

Phoenix: You were the one who killed Jack Hammer. Isn’t that true?

Powers: Ahuah!

Vasquez: Hmm…yes. I can’t deny it any longer. I killed him; it was my fault.

Judge: It appears as though you’ve pulled off another miracle in this court, Mr. Wright.

Edgeworth: I object to that. Will Powers is innocent of this crime. The fact that he should be judged as such…well, that’s no miracle.

Phoenix: I agree.

Judge: Very well. I shall at this time hand down the verdict on the defendant Will Powers.

Powers: Huaeugh…

{Caption: Not Guilty}

Judge: Not guilty!

Gallery: WOOOHOOO! YAAAAYY! WOOHOOOO! WOOOO!

Powers: Aueah?

(Gallery: WOOOOOO!)

Maya: Ahuaeah! YAAAAAYYY! YAAAY!

(Gallery: WOOOHOOO! WOOOOOO!)

Oldbag: Ooah!

(Gallery: WOOOOOO!)

Cody: HA! AW YEAH!

(Gallery: WOOOOOO!)

Judge: And with that, this court is adjourned!

(Gallery: WOOOOOO!)

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{Text on sign: Lobby 2}

Powers: I don’t know what else to say. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

Phoenix: Auah, we got pretty lucky in there, didn’t we?

Maya: Yeah, we sure did.

Phoenix: I’m so glad we got it all wrapped up today.

Maya: We might not have gotten such a lucky break tomorrow, eh?

Phoenix: Oh, come on.

Maya: I’m just so happy you’re free, Mr. Powers!

Powers: I’m truly grateful for your help.

Maya: Look, there’s Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Allow me to offer my congratulations on your victory today.

Powers: Ahuah?

Edgeworth: I’m a…big fan. And I never miss an episode.

Phoenix: I doubt that.

Powers: Hehe, thanks, I appreciate it.

Phoenix: And thank you, Edgeworth. Vasquez would’ve gone free, if you hadn’t intervened back there.

Edgeworth: Listen…seeing you after all these years was unexpected. But…I would have preferred it hadn’t happened. Thanks to you, I am weighed down by unnecessary feelings. Yes, unease and uncertainty.

Phoenix: That so? Aren’t those feelings necessary?

Edgeworth: Listen, Phoenix…if I see you again, it will be far too soon for me. That is all.

Powers: Do you and him have some kind of history?

Maya: That’s not it! Edgeworth’s just mad because Phoenix beat him twice now!

Phoenix: Yeah, probably.

Maya: Ahuah! If there’s more to the story, you gotta fill me in! We’re partners, remember? That means you don’t…

Phoenix [narrating]: So the curtain falls on yet another trial.

(Maya: …keep secrets from me!)

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{Text on sign: Wright & Co. Law Offices}

Maya: Come on, Nick, hurry up!

{Text on TV: Pink Princess: Warrior of Little Olde Tokyo}

Maya: AUAAAHHH!

(Pink Princess [from TV]: HUAAAAHH!)

Phoenix: Wauahah…

Maya: Can’t believe you didn’t know about this.

Cody: Yeah, it’s pretty common knowledge, old man.

Phoenix: I just didn’t think they’d actually go through with it.

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Edgeworth: Hmph!

Phoenix [narrating]: I feel like this case changed something inside me forever. Who knows? Maybe it was the same for him too. I definitely didn’t know that a few months later, we’d be taking on a case that would go down in legal history.

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{Text on screen: Ace Attorney}

Phoenix: OBJECTION!

Phoenix [narrating]: A gunshot rings out in the darkness of this holy night, and an unlikely culprit falls under suspicion. His name is Miles Edgeworth, and the case that would follow digs into all of our shared history, even Maya’s! Just what happened fifteen years ago? There’s only one path to the truth. Edgeworth, please, allow me to defend you. Find the contradictions, believe in the truth!

{Text on screen: Next Episode: Turnabout Goodbyes--1st Trial}

Phoenix [narrating]: Next episode: Turnabout Goodbyes--1st Trial! Take that!

#anime #anime transcripts #anime dub transcripts #ace attorney #ace attorney transcripts

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Ace Attorney Episode #6: Turnabout Samurai---2nd Trial Transcript

This episode has the second part of Turnabout Samurai.

Phoenix [narrating]: Maya chose our first case: defending a children’s hero on a murder charge. Backed into a corner and desperate for more time, I accused the chatty old security guard, but she had only begun to talk, and in a rage, dropped a bombshell.

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{Caption: Turnabout Samurai--2nd Trial}

Oldbag: There was something…that I was told to keep mum about.

Phoenix: What? Seriously?

Edgeworth: Is that so?

Oldbag: Yeah. No one tells me to shut up, so I won’t hide it anymore. I SAW MORE PEOPLE ON SET THAT DAY!

Phoenix: Ehauh!

Maya: Ahuah!

Edgeworth: ABSURD! Why was I not told about this?!

Judge: Explain this! Why would you conceal such crucial evidence from the court?

Oldbag: Ah, really, come on! Look, I just told you why I didn’t say anything. They told me that I was supposed to keep my big trap shut, and besides, them being on set had nothing to do with Jack's murder.

Phoenix: Who else was on set that day?

Oldbag: It was those big production muckety mucks: the director, and the producer too.

Phoenix: Is that right? And where were they?

Oldbag: Meeting in the Studio Two trailer.

Maya: That sounds important. We should look into this.

Phoenix: Your Honor, please. We’ve just discovered some extremely valuable information. Seems there may be more witnesses to interrogate. Without questioning them, a verdict cannot be reached.

Judge: Hm. Do you have any objection to that, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Grr…I don’t, Your Honor.

Oldbag: AUOAH! My goodness, I haven’t been looked at so passionately in years!

Judge: Very well. I hereby declare this court is adjourned for the day.

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{Caption #1: May 12, a certain time}

{Caption #2: Detention Center}

Maya: What?! You knew about the other people there?! Why didn’t you say something?!

Powers: Well, I should’ve…but I was told to keep quiet too.

Maya: Yeah, but if you don’t tell us these kinds of things, we’re gonna lose the case! Nick’s a rookie. He’s so new; he’s barely even an attorney.

Phoenix: That’s going too far.

Powers: I’ll do better.

Phoenix: Anyway, we’ll have to go over to the studios again.

Maya: Oh! I hope that little boy comes back.

{Text on book: Steel Samurai Path to Glory}

Maya: He dropped his book last time.

Powers: Wait, you talkin’ about the kid with the camera?

Phoenix: You mean you know him?

Powers: Yeah. He’s been sneaking onto the lot a bunch lately.

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Powers [flashback]: Snore…

(Powers: So I’ve seen him around)

Powers [flashback]: Snore…HUAH! DUAH! Is that a ghost?!

Cody [flashback]: Aw, gimme a break.

Powers [flashback]: Awuah!

Cody [flashback]: How can a grownup be such a scaredy cat? Huah huah huah…

Powers [flashback]: Uhnah, hey!

Cody [flashback]: The Steel Samurai could teach you to be brave! And a lot more than that. He’s awesome!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phoenix: Huah…he could teach you, huh?

Maya: Why didn’t you just tell him that you were the Steel Samurai?

Powers: Like I said, I don’t want the kids to stop believing in their hero, you know? It’s okay, I don’t mind. As long as the kids are happy, so am I.

Phoenix’s thoughts: Yeah, there’s no way this guy would put the Steel Samurai’s reputation in jeopardy.

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{Text on sign: Global Studios}

Phoenix’s thoughts: And that means the murder was definitely committed by someone else. But who could it be?

{Caption #1: May 12}

{Caption #2: Global Studios--Studio One}

Maya: The place looks empty to me.

Phoenix: The guard said the director was in here.

Maya: Ewuah?

(Sal: Heh, neheh!)

Sal: Heah…

(Maya: Eum?)

Sal: …heuah, ehuah…score! There you are!

{Text on script: The Steel Samurai: Warrior of Neo Olde Tokyo}

Sal: Gotcha!

Maya: WAAAAAHHHH!

Phoenix: Hey! Just who in the heck are you?

Sal: Who am I?!

{Caption: Director | Sal Manella}

Sal: You don’t recognize the great Sal Manella? I’m, like, the man! SUPERSTAR DIRECTOR OF THE STEEL SAMURAI!

Maya: WOAAAAH! You’re the director?!

Sal: Uwahuah! Ohwoahoah…

Female voice: Hehehe!

(Sal: Hoohoo, oohhoo!)

Sal: Nice!

Female voice: Come on!

(Sal: Hehehehehe!)

Female voice: Samurai!

(Sal: Really, really nice, hehe!)

Sal: Woohoohoohoohoohoohoohoo! It’s a buffer overflow! My creative juices are spilling all over!

Maya: Ehauah?

Sal: You! Just incepted the sequel to Steel Samurai! Pink Princess, Warrior of Little Olde Tokyo!

(Female voice: Hehehe!)

Phoenix: What? “Pink Princess”?

Maya: Hey! Why wouldn’t she be in Grand Olde Tokyo too?!

Phoenix: Why does that matter?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sal: I see; so you’re gonna defend the Powers. Good luck with that.

Phoenix: Yeah…let me get this straight: as the director, you have to deliver the script to the producer?

Sal: She’s brutal! All during rehearsal, she’s constantly barking out orders and demanding script revisions for practically every line in the freaking show! My pain…is the only thing that makes her happy!

Phoenix’s thoughts: She sounds very hands-on…not to mention extremely demanding. We need to talk.

Phoenix: You were in a meeting with her at the time of the murder?

Sal: Mmhm. I oversaw the action scene rehearsal that morning, then the meeting until four.

Phoenix: You were at the rehearsal too?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Powers [flashback]: Auh! DUAH!

Spear: CRACK!

Phoenix’s thoughts: That means he was there to see Powers get hurt. He knew about the injury.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phoenix: Uahn? Woah, what is that gigantic thing?

Sal: Man, you don’t know anything about entertainment. That’s the Forest Imp, our studio mascot.

Phoenix: I wasn’t asking who the character was.

Maya: What’s its head doing in the road?

Sal: Eh, thing’s super old. All that wind the day the Hammer was killed blew it off.

{Caption #1: May 12}

{Caption #2: Global Studios--Studio Two}

Phoenix: So this is a secondary studio?

Maya: It seems a little out of the way.

{Text on building: No 2}

Sal: Yeah, it’s been mothballed for, like, five years.

Phoenix: Why is that?

Sal: Apparently, there was some kind of bad accident. The old security lady should know all about it. She was around back then.

Maya: Euah?

Sal: Ehuahuahuahuah, heuahuahuah, heuaheuaheuah…

Phoenix: Can you tell me anything more about your producer?

(Sal: Heauh…)

Sal: Her name’s Dee Vasquez. Like I said, she’s brutal…but she single handedly brought the studio back from out of the toilet. SO NO ONE EVER GOES AGAINST HER!

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Sal: AAHAHUAH, AAHUAH, HEAHEAHEAH!

{Caption: Producer | Dee Vasquez}

Sal: HEHEHAHAHA, hahuah, huah…

Phoenix, Maya: Uhah?

(Sal: Huah…)

Maya: Euoh…

Sal: Huah…

Phoenix: Uh…please excuse me, Miss Vasquez. My firm is defending Will Powers…and I was wondering if you could talk to us a bit about the day of the murder?

(Sal: Huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah…)

Vasquez: Stop flapping your gums.

(Sal: Huah huah huah…)

Phoenix: Ehuah?

Vasquez: Can you not see that I’m trying to read here?

(Sal: Huah huahuahuah!)

Sal: Quiet! Or you’ll get punished too!

Phoenix’s thoughts: Definitely don’t want that.

(Maya: Auh!)

Maya: Hey, look! Check out all those movie posters!

{Text on poster #1: Lie of the Wry Samurai}

{Text on poster #2: Dynamite Samurai}

Phoenix: Yeah, and every single one of those films stars Jack Hammer.

Maya: Awuah! I love The Dynamite Samurai!

{Text on poster #3: The Lute Samurai}

Phoenix: Lie of the Wry Samurai makes me wanna cry.

{Text on poster #4: Samurai Summer}

{Text on poster #5: The Bearded Commander}

Maya: I watched all of The Bearded Commander series!

Phoenix: Samurai Summer?

Maya: That was a good one too. A summer romance done as a samurai period drama. Beautiful!

Phoenix: Wow. Seems Jack Hammer was a bigger star than I thought.

Vasquez: So you’re his attorney? And you wanted to know about the day he killed Jack.

Phoenix: Uh, yeah.

Vasquez: I’m sure you probably won’t like hearing this, but at the time all that went down, nobody here could’ve made it over to Studio One.

Phoenix: And why is that? What happened?

Vasquez: The roadway was completely blocked.

Phoenix: Eguah!

Vasquez: On your way over here. You saw it. The Forest Imp.

Phoenix: Yes, we did.

Maya: The poor old thing’s head fell right off.

Vasquez: The winds were strong enough to blow that rusty monkey’s head into the road, along with several large branches. After a while, a crane was called in to move it, but that wasn’t until after three o’clock in the afternoon. It took them about an hour to clean up the mess. We were all stuck over here until the job was completed, so none of us could’ve killed Jack.

Phoenix: But if the head had fallen over after 2:30 that afternoon, you could’ve made it over to Studio One.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on caution tape: Safety First}

Vasquez [narrating]: Each hour, the Forest Imp announces the time. “I daresay it’s 4 p.m.” and so on.

{Text on clock: 02:15}

Vasquez [narrating]: It’s also on the back of its head. The clock stopped working at 2:15.

Phoenix: It doesn’t add up. That’s before the time of death on the autopsy.

Maya: Which means that no one at Studio Two that day could’ve gone over and killed Hammer.

Phoenix: Ehuam…

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Oldbag: Euwah?! YOU BACKSTABBING, SPIKY-HEADED LAWY---!

(Maya: WAAAAHHH!)

Phoenix: I’m sorry! But I only said that you could’ve done it. By the way, I’m surprised to see you here so soon.

(Oldbag: Grraaugghh…)

Oldbag: The cops took me back and made me try on the Steel Samurai suit and pose for them for quite a while! I think they enjoyed it, but it was humiliating! When they finally got it through their thick skulls that there was no way I could’ve been the one on the camera, they let me go! I won’t forget how you wronged me! If you ever come back here to talk to me about anything, you’re not going to get so much as a peep out of me!

Maya: We’ll get way more than a peep.

Oldbag: I warned you; now my silence starts in three, two, one!

Phoenix: Euh, oh, all I wanted to talk about was how awesome Jack Hammer was.

Oldbag: Mmuhm!

Maya: Mmhm, mmhm! That Dynamite Samurai poster…it’s just so dreamy!

Oldbag: Mm…mm! Hmm!

Phoenix: I’m more of a Bearded Commander guy.

Oldbag: Ooh, The Bearded Commander is my favorite! He was such a hunk in that one! If I could turn back the clock---yeah. To before the accident. Auah!

Phoenix: Wait, the one that happened five years ago?

Maya: You gotta tell us everything you know!

Oldbag: I’m sorry; I can’t do that.

Phoenix: Please, ma’am. What is the real connection between that and Studio Two shutting down?

Oldbag: No. I said I wasn’t talking to you anymore.

Maya: But you’ve been talking to us since you said that.

Oldbag: Well, I’m really starting in three, two, one!

Maya, Phoenix: Aah!

Oldbag: HEY!

Maya: It’s that kid! Eheaheaheah…

(Phoenix: Ehauh!)

Phoenix: Neah!

Oldbag: Wait right---uoah! Geaugh…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phoenix: Hey, kid! Hold it!

Cody: My name’s Cody! Don’t call me “kid”! You ever disrespect me again and you’ll taste my steel, old man!

Phoenix: Euoh…old man?!

Maya: So anyway, you dropped this the other day. Here.

Cody: Eah!

Maya: It’s such an amazing collection!

{Text on book: Steel Samurai Path to Glory}

Maya: Are all of them your pictures?

Cody: Yeah! You can keep it if you want. I’ve got the originals.

Maya: For real?! Awesome! Thank you, heheheah!

Phoenix: You’re way into the Steel Samurai.

Cody: Duh! ‘Course I am. I go to all the live shows and appearances and stuff.

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Steel Samurai [flashback]: HUAH! HUH! HEYAH!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cody: And after he totally owns the bad guys, I always get a picture. Pretty sweet, don’t you think? I’ve got killer pics of every Steel Samurai victory.

Phoenix: That’s cool. You didn’t happen to get any the day of the incident, did you? You were here, right?

Cody: Eumph…

Maya: Eum? What’s wrong, Cody?

Cody: Yeah. I saw everything that day.

Maya: Huah!

Phoenix: Everything? Meaning what, exactly?

Cody: I mean the Steel Samurai. I saw him killing the bad guy, obviously!

Maya: Waahah!

Phoenix: Wait! AAHUAHEHN!

Phoenix [muffled due to the grate]: Cody!

Maya: Oh no! Let me help you!

(Phoenix: Euh! Eaugh!)

Phoenix: Would you stop pushing me, I don’t wanna drown in the freaking sewer!

(Maya: Nick, I can help you get out!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phoenix: So we found out who else was there that day, but it seems like none of them could have done it. I’m running out of ideas. Huahungah!

Maya: Check out what I’ve got!

(Phoenix: Huh?)

{Text on DVD cases: The Steel Samurai: Warrior of Neo Olde Tokyo}

Maya: Let’s have a Steel Samurai marathon!

Phoenix: Yeah, sorry, but I’m busy.

Maya: Are you crazy?! This is all about the case! I think we might find a clue or two that’ll turn things around.

Phoenix: That’s not a bad idea.

{Text on TV 1a: The Steel Samurai}

{Text on TV 1b: Warrior of Neo Olde Tokyo}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maya: Ehuah…please, Steel Samurai, save me…

Phoenix: I binged every last one. Anyway, I guess I need to talk to Cody again. Ehuan? Mm. Wait, hold on…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cody [flashback]: After he totally owns the bad guys, I always get a picture. I’ve got killer pics of every Steel Samurai victory.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cody [flashback]: Yeah. I saw everything that day. I mean the Steel Samurai. I saw him killing the bad guy, obviously!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phoenix’s thoughts: If that’s true, something is definitely off here.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on sign: Global Studios}

Maya: Steel! Wielding the steel of justice against evildoers!

Phoenix: Uh, you’ve disgraced me for the last, uh---AAH!

Maya: Come on! Put your heart into it! You gotta be the bad guy!

Phoenix: What’s the line? “Dance with some guy in the pale moon”…“the pale moon something”…

Cody: “The pale moon in the sky cries out for your blood”.

(Phoenix: Auh!)

Maya: Yeah, that’s it. See, Cody knows what’s up!

Cody: I thought that everybody knew the line.

Phoenix: Fine, I get it; I’m not cool. But I need you to tell me about something else. Yesterday, you said you saw the Steel Samurai kill the bad guy that day, didn’t you? Did you take a picture when that happened?

Cody: Uh…

Phoenix: You told me yourself you’ve gotten every single victory of his. So that means there should be a picture of that last one.

Cody: I deleted it.

Phoenix: Uhah!

Maya: Woah, seriously?

Phoenix: But you snuck in here just to take one.

Cody: Uh…well, I kinda…who cares? I can do what I want.

Phoenix’s thoughts: Yeah, something is off.

Maya: Hey, so what was it like? It must have been pretty cool to see him! In real life, I mean.

Cody: Oh! Yeah, it was! But it wasn’t the first time, you know!

Maya: So awesome! I would’ve freaked out!

Cody: I actually called his name to get his attention. I think I kinda surprised him or something. But he still turned around and struck a cool pose.

Maya: Wow! I am so jealous! Can you show me what kind of pose it was?

Cody: Yeah, he went like this and waved.

Phoenix: Uah!

Maya: Awaaauah! Wow!

{Caption: Hold it!}

Phoenix: HOLD IT! Hey, Cody, show me that again. And make sure it’s just like the way he did it.

Cody: Huh? He went like this.

Phoenix: I knew it! That’s not the Steel Samurai. The Evil Magistrate does that pose.

Maya: Huh? Yeah, you’re right!

Cody: Not gonna lie, but I thought it was pretty weird that he would do that one.

Phoenix: I see.

Maya: What? Did you just get an idea?

Phoenix’s thoughts: It’s out there, but I can’t think of any other possibility.

Phoenix: Cody.

Cody: Uah!

Phoenix: Even though you got a one-of-a-kind picture of the Steel Samurai, you deleted it.

Cody: Eumph!

Phoenix: And I know why. You told us that you saw him kill the bad guy that day. But actually, it was the other way around.

Cody: Eaumph!

Maya: What do you mean?

Phoenix: I mean that the bad guy was really the one who defeated the Steel Samurai.

Cody: Aahuoah!

Phoenix: The Steel Samurai lost. That’s why you wanted to delete the picture.

Cody: Heaugheaheah…eauagh…heuamph…geahgeah…

Maya: But…the Steel Samurai doesn’t lose.

Phoenix: That’s not my point.

Maya: Huah?

Phoenix: The one who was wearing the costume when Cody saw him was not Will Powers; it was actually Jack Hammer.

Maya: WAAAAAAHHHHH!

Phoenix: Hammer went to Powers’ room while he was sleeping and stole the Steel Samurai outfit. He put it on and walked to Studio One. Obviously, he was there when Powers sprained his ankle, so he knew he had to hobble past the gate. When Cody called out to him, it completely caught him off guard. He did do a pose for the camera, but it was the Evil Magistrate’s, out of habit. After that, the unthinkable happened. The bad guy won. He killed the Steel Samurai, which was actually Jack Hammer.

Maya: Wahuah!

Phoenix: You saw it happen, didn’t you, Cody? You saw your favorite hero lose. That’s why you erased it and lied to us. Am I right?

Cody: Mm! No, it can’t be true. Mmhueah! The Steel Samurai never loses! Mm! Never! AND I’LL NEVER BELIEVE IT’S TRUE!

Phoenix: Cody.

Cody: Ehuah! Yeah?

Phoenix: Why do you think the Steel Samurai never loses?

Cody: Because…he’s stronger than everyone.

Phoenix: That’s not it.

Cody: Aahuoh!

Phoenix: You know what he always says. What is it?

Cody: Eeh, geaugh! “Wielding the steel of justice against evildoers”.

Phoenix: Yes, the steel of justice. It’s not strength alone.

Cody: Huahoh!

Phoenix: He risks his life to fight for what’s right. That’s the reason why you look up to him. So as a fan, you can’t turn your back on injustice either.

Cody: Mm! Euh, euhgeahgeah…WEHEHEHEHEHEH! Weheauh!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cody: You’re right. What really happened after I saw him was, geah, well…I followed him, but he didn’t see me, and then some bad guys showed up. Mm! The Steel Samurai went down…

Cody [flashback]: Geauaheah!

Cody: …and then he stopped moving.

(Cody [flashback]: Geauh!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phoenix: Thanks for telling the truth.

Maya: So…did you really delete all the pictures you took?

Cody: Not all of ‘em.

Maya: Huah?

(Phoenix: Eoh?)

Cody: There’s one more left on the camera. Let me look for it.

Maya: Really?

Cody: Yeah. Here.

{Text on building in photo: 2}

Phoenix: Ahuah! He’s going there?

Oldbag: For justice. Huh.

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Vasquez: What do you want? I’m rather busy.

Phoenix: This picture was taken the afternoon of the murder. Hammer showed up here, didn’t he? Wearing the Steel Samurai costume. Yes, Hammer was killed at Studio Two. There goes your alibi. Because you were at the exact spot where he was last seen, and you couldn’t leave.

Vasquez: Are you saying Jack Hammer walked all the way here just so he could die?

Phoenix: No, ma’am. Euh? Ahuah! Euahah! What is this? Tell me!

Vasquez: Keep spewing this kind of nonsense, Mr. Wright…and you might end up missing court tomorrow.

Maya: Nick, I’m getting scared.

Gumshoe: Wait just a second, gal!

Maya: Euahn?

(Phoenix: Hm?)

Maya, Phoenix: Detective Gumfoot?

Gumshoe: Miss Dee Vasquez. I’m here to deliver your summons for Powers’ trial tomorrow. But what exactly is going on here?

Vasquez: Well, I think you should be asking the boy lawyer here that question.

Phoenix: Boy? What?

Vasquez: Listen. No matter where Hammer was killed, it’s impossible for me to have done it.

Maya: Why? What do you mean by that?

Vasquez: He was run through with the Samurai Spear, was he not? There’s no way a petite woman such as myself could wield it. I could barely even lift it without a struggle.

Phoenix: Ahuah!

Gumshoe: That is true. The weapon used in the crime was pretty dang heavy. I don’t see it happening.

Vasquez: Jack Hammer was a big star who made my studio a lot of money. Why on earth would I ever want him dead?

Phoenix: Yeah. Good question.

Vasquez: Hm. You should know if you accuse someone of murder, you should bring proof.

Phoenix: Euamph!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oldbag: You can’t turn your back on it. Huh. I’m sorry, Jack.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on building: No 2}

Vasquez: If you don’t have that, then you can leave.

Phoenix: Okay. But in the courtroom tomorrow, I’ll be ready.

Vasquez: Hm.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on screen: Ace Attorney}

Phoenix: OBJECTION!

Phoenix [narrating]: The true culprit smiles, smug with the idea that she’s too smart for justice. But no one is above the law, and I vow to wipe that smile off her face. But how? Why did Hammer have to die, and what really killed him? Was his death planned out long in advance? I will wield this steel of justice against evildoers! That’s my job as an attorney. Find the contradictions, believe in the truth!

{Text on screen: Next Episode: Turnabout Samurai--Last Trial}

Phoenix [narrating]: Next episode: Turnabout Samurai--Last Trial! Take that!

#anime #anime transcripts #anime dub transcripts #ace attorney #ace attorney transcripts

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anime-dub-transcripts · 11 months

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Ace Attorney Episode #5: Turnabout Samurai---1st Trial Transcript

This episode has the first part of Turnabout Samurai.

{Caption #1: The Steel Samurai}

{Caption #1a: Warrior of Neo Olde Tokyo}

Boy: Eh eh eh, huah huah huah huaeah!

Man: GO! RUN!

Boy: Aaaaaahhh! Euahm! Wahuah! PLEASE SAVE ME, STEEL SAMURAI!

Steel Samurai: Huah!

Boy: Weh…

Steel Samurai: Wielding the steel of justice against evildoers! Steel Samurai: warrior of Neo Olde Tokyo! Samurai Hurricane! Your evil deeds end tonight, Evil Magistrate!

Evil Magistrate: You’ve disgraced me for the last time, Steel Samurai! The pale moon in the sky CRIES out for your blood! Oah!

Boy: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

(Steel Samurai: Steel!)

Boy: Steel Samurai!

Steel Samurai: Hiyah, hiyah! Hiyah!

(Evil Magistrate: Hiyah!)

Boy: Aah! Wah…

Steel Samurai: Feel my steel, Evil Magistrate!

Evil Magistrate: Never!

Steel Samurai, Evil Magistrate: HUAAAAAHHHHH!

{Caption: Steel}

{Caption: Evil}

Narrator: One combatant will fall in this clash of good and evil…

{Caption: Steel}

{Caption: Evil}

Narrator: …but only the moon knows who that is!

{Caption: Next Week: The Dark Messenger Returns!}

Narrator: Don’t miss next week’s exciting episode: The Dark Messenger Returns!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption #1: May 9, 5:31 PM}

{Caption #2: Wright & Co. Law Offices}

Maya: HUAAH, that was awesome!

{Caption: Turnabout Samurai—First Trial}

Maya: Samurai…Hurricane! Whoops!

Phoenix: Uah…

Maya: Didn’t realize you were here.

Phoenix [muffled]: Of course I’m here.

Phoenix: What was that crazy show you were just watching?

Maya: Huh? You gotta be kidding me! Steel Samurai: Warrior of Neo Olde Tokyo! Us younguns love it.

Phoenix: You mean teenagers like to watch it?

Maya: Hm…more like kids.

Phoenix: Yeah, if it’s for little kids, then why are you so hyped up about it?

Maya: Because I’m a kid at heart, I guess.

Phoenix’s thoughts: Good for you, but I’ve gotta worry about bills like an adult. And we haven’t gotten a single client this month. Ehum…

(Maya: Nom nom nom! Nom nom nom! Nom nom nom! Nom nom nom!)

Maya: Steel Samurai: warrior of Neo Olde Tokyo!

(Phoenix: Uah!)

Phoenix: A superhero…takes me back.

(Maya: Your evil ends tonight! Eat my steel! Say what?)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phone: Ring! Ring!

Phoenix: Eum, huam…

Phone: Ring!

Maya: Oh my gosh, this is horrible, Nick! Turn on the TV right now!

Phoenix: Euh euh…euahah…what happened? It’s way too early to be screaming in my ear.

Maya: It’s the Steel Samurai! He’s in trouble! They’re saying he killed a bad guy!

Phoenix: So what? Isn’t that kinda what he’s supposed to do?

Maya: Well, yeah, on the show!

Phoenix: Okay, relax, I’m turning on the TV.

{Caption #1: Morning News}

{Caption #2: Steel Samurai Accused of Murder}

TV Reporter [from TV]: Shock and controversy rocks the children’s television world as popular superhero The Steel Samurai is arrested for murdering a costar.

(Phoenix: Duah!)

{Caption #1: Superhero Murders Evil Villain?}

{Caption #2: Was the Samurai Spear the Weapon?}

{Caption #3: Jack Hammer, Evil Magistrate in Steel Samurai}

Reporter [from TV]: The victim is 37 year old television and film veteran Jack Hammer, who played the Evil Magistrate on the show. According to police reports…

Phoenix’s thoughts: A guy who pretends to be a hero…kills another guy who pretends to be a bad guy?

(Reporter [from TV]: …the murder weapon was the very spear the Steel Samurai wields)

Maya: There’s no way! He’d never kill anyone! This must be a publicity stunt!

(Reporter [from TV]: Keeping young children at home the day…)

Phoenix: Uh, yeah, that’s probably it.

(Reporter [from TV]: …after Will Powers, who portrayed the Steel Samurai…)

Maya: I know! Listen! This is gonna be Wright and Company’s very first case!

(Reporter [from TV]: …for many years, and his virtue was beloved by many young and old)

Phoenix: Uahah!

(Reporter [from TV]: But it seems his next appearance…)

Maya: We’re gonna defend The Steel Samurai!

(Reporter [from TV]: …will be in front of a judge…)

Phoenix: Uah!

(Reporter [from TV]: We can only hope, as…)

{Sign on door: Wright & Co. Law Offices}

Phoenix: What?!

Reporter [from TV]: …justice will be served.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption #1: May 10, a certain time}

{Caption #2: Detention Center}

{Caption: Accused | Steel Samurai | Will Powers}

Maya: Is that monster really him?

Phoenix: Euah! That monster’s Will Powers; he’s also our client.

Maya: I probably shouldn’t say this…but he…looks guilty.

Phoenix: You definitely shouldn’t say that.

Powers: Uh…

Maya: AUH!

(Phoenix: Euh!)

Phoenix: Yeah?! What?!

Powers: You’ve come here because you’re gonna help defend me, right? Uah, I’m just so grateful for your help. Thank you! Uah, I mean it!

Maya: AAH!

(Phoenix: Auh!)

Phoenix: Please, have a seat, Mr. Powers.

Powers: Yeah. Sorry about that. I know I look like a monster, so I decided when I was cast as the Steel Samurai that I would never show my real face out in public ‘cause I didn’t wanna ruin everything for the kids. I wanted them to believe!

Phoenix: Duah!

(Maya: Oh!)

(Powers: Geh geh…)

Powers: But now that this has happened, they’re gonna hate The Steel Samurai. It’ll break their little hearts! Wehwehgeh…

Maya: Powers really is a good guy.

(Powers: …wehwehweh!)

Phoenix: Yeah. I can see.

(Powers: Wehwehweh!)

Maya: I know: he’s innocent!

(Powers: Wehwehweh…)

Phoenix: Ehum!

(Powers: Wehwehweh…)

Phoenix: Mr. Powers. Can you tell us what took place the day of the crime?

Powers: Uh, yeah. Let me think…we spent most of the morning working on fight choreography. We broke for lunch. Then I took a nap. But I ended up oversleeping, so I was late for the afternoon rehearsal. I hurried back to the studio, and when I got there, everyone was freaking out. They’d found Jack dead; it was awful. He was wearing the Evil Magistrate costume and…and he had the Samurai Spear sticking out of his chest.

Phoenix: The Samurai Spear?

Maya: It’s what he uses to fight evil. You know, the spear he’s always carrying around?

Phoenix: No, I don’t know.

Powers: I was in shock. I could barely move, and before I knew it, they were arresting me for Jack’s murder.

Maya: Don’t worry! ‘Cause we’re gonna clear your name! Right?! Aren’t we, Nick?!

Phoenix: Ehum! We’ll start at the studio.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption #1: May 10, a certain time}

{Caption #2: Global Studios}

Maya: AUAH! I can’t believe we’re actually here! Oh wow, aren’t you excited?

Oldbag: What are you doing?!

(Phoenix: Euh!)

Oldbag: If you want inside the studio…you’re gonna have to go through me. As head of security…

{Caption: Global Studios Security Guard | Wendy Oldbag}

Oldbag: …it’s my job to make sure slack jawed gawkers stay out.

Phoenix: Actually, ma’am, we’re here---

Oldbag: I bet you heard about what happened here at the studio and decided to snoop around, didn’t you? Kids these days are always sticking their noses in things. Way back when I was your age, it was a different world. You should’ve seen me; I was quite the knockout in my prime, you better believe it! Poor Jack Hammer deserves to rest in peace, so I won’t stand for folks like you…

Phoenix: You’ve got the wrong idea. I’m defending…

(Oldbag: …poking around and trying to find some kind of dirt on him!)

Phoenix: …Will Powers, so we came here to investigate.

Oldbag: That’s just a cheap knock-off.

Phoenix: It’s the real thing!

Oldbag: Oh please, I saw one just like it at the corner store. Well, look here, young buck, the badge I’m wearing is real and it says you gotta keep out unless I say you can come in! I oughta bend you over my knee and give you a good hard spanking for trying to pull one over on an old lady like me!

(Gumshoe: Nom! Nom nom nom nom nom, mm mm! Slurp…huah…)

Oldbag: That’s right, just take off my belt and give you an old fashioned thrash!

Gumshoe: Enough with all the RACKET!

Maya: AAH!

(Gumshoe: AAAAAHH!)

Gumshoe: What’re the two of you doing here?!

Maya: It’s Detective Gumtree!

Phoenix: Actually, his name is Gumfoot.

Gumshoe: No! Both of you are wrong! For crying out loud, my name’s Detective Dick GUMSHOE!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sal: Hehe, heheuaugh, hehehe, hehehe, hehe, hehe…

Vasquez: Can’t I have some quiet?

(Sal: …hehehe, hehe, heauh, heheheheauh…)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption: District Police | Detective | Dick Gumshoe}

Gumshoe: So you’re gonna try to defend Will Powers in his murder trial.

Maya: That’s right! Well, sorry to break it to ya, but that guy’s guiltier than the cat who ate the dang canary! Take a look at this, pal. Before the murder, everybody at the studios that day…

{Text on blueprint #1: Front Gate}

{Text on blueprint #2: Gate}

{Text on blueprint #3: Dressing Room}

{Text on blueprint #4: Staff Area}

Gumshoe: …was over here, and the victim was found all the way over here.

{Text on blueprint #1: Studio 1}

{Text on blueprint #2: Studio 2}

Gumshoe: So whoever jacked Hammer had to go through this part of the lot right next to the security station.

Oldbag: And the only one that passed this way was Will Powers. Nobody sneaks by me!

Maya: ‘Kay, so what do you make of all of this? I hate to say it, but if he’s the only one that she saw, maybe he did it.

Cody: Ehuah!

Oldbag: AAUAH! IT’S A TRESPASSER; CATCH HIM!

Phoenix: Uh, that kid there?

Oldbag: You’re supposed to be a cop, right? GO!

Gumshoe: You talkin’ to me?

Phoenix: You’re the only cop here!

Cody: Aw, dream on! You’ll never catch me!

Phoenix: HEAH!

Gumshoe: Hm!

Cody: Heuh, uhm!

(Gumshoe: Huah!)

(Phoenix: Heah!)

Phoenix, Gumshoe: Hm? DUAAGGHH!

Cody: Guah! Ha! Hehe, serves you right!

Oldbag: WHAT?! Back in my day, a man protected a lady! Uhegh!

(Phoenix: Heuagh…)

Cody: Eh!

{Text on book cover: Steel Samurai Path to Glory}

Maya: Steel Samurai Path to Glory? Huh…woah! So cool!

Phoenix: This kid must be a superfan.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gumshoe: Uaugh…I’m gonna be feelin’ that one for the rest of the week.

Maya: So, uh, Detective, we’re gonna need to interview everyone here.

Phoenix: Powers told us he was taking a nap inside his dressing room.

{Text on banners: Welcome}

Phoenix: Someone might’ve seen him there.

Gumshoe: Well…feel free to poke around as much as you want. We, the prosecution team, have thoroughly investigated everyone and everything here. You may have won your last trial, but that was just a fluke. This is a totally different case. Edgeworth will show you why he’s the biggest dog of law enforcement. He’s gonna eat your lunch, brother.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Von Karma: Victory after victory…it’s truly been impressive.

Edgeworth: Thank you, sir.

Von Karma: That being said, it does make your defeat more vexing.

Edgeworth: I humbly apologize.

Von Karma: Cast your feelings aside. The only justice…is conviction.

Edgeworth: I understand, Mr. Von Karma.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on sign: Courthouse}

Maya: Well, that was interesting, but…we didn’t find anything.

Phoenix: Yeah. A nap is a pretty weak alibi.

Maya: If Powers ends up getting convicted, I’ll tear you to pieces with a Samurai Hurricane!

Phoenix: Uhuhah! If you do that, who’s gonna be around to defend you, Maya?

{Caption #1: May 12, 10 AM}

{Caption #2: District Court--Courtroom No. 4}

{Caption: Judge}

Judge: This court is hereby in session for the trial of Will Powers.

{Caption: Prosecutor | Miles Edgeworth}

Edgeworth: The prosecution is ready to begin, Your Honor.

{Caption: Defense Attorney | Phoenix Wright}

Phoenix: The defense is also ready to begin, Your Honor.

Phoenix’s thoughts: I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to face him again so soon.

Judge: Mr. Edgeworth, you may proceed with your opening statement.

Edgeworth: The prosecution will prove that on May 9th, Will Powers murdered fellow actor Jack Hammer at Global Studios. All the evidence we have points to him as the culprit. And we’ll prove his guilt beyond a shadow of a doubt. Detective.

Gumshoe: Allow me to present the facts of the case. On the day of the murder, the only people at the studio were Powers, Hammer, and the production staff.

{Text on blueprint #1: Studio 1}

{Text on blueprint #2: Front Gate}

{Text on blueprint #3: Studio 2}

{Text on blueprint #4: Gate}

{Text on blueprint #5: Dressing Room}

{Text on blueprint #6: Staff Area}

Gumshoe: At noon, they all gathered in this area here. Autopsy has time of death at approximately 2:30 p.m. The security guard clearly saw the defendant heading to the crime scene before that time, and she maintains that no other person passed by the station until the body was found at 5 p.m.

Powers: Uwah!

Edgeworth: At this time, we shall call upon the studio’s security guard to take the stand.

{Caption: Witness Testimony}

Edgeworth: Your name, madam?

Oldbag: I can’t refuse a handsome man! I’ll tell you anything you want to know!

Edgeworth: Uwah! Name, please.

Oldbag: You’re just precious when you blush like that. Call me Granny. Mwah!

Edgeworth: Name, please!

Oldbag: Wendy Oldbag. But you can call me whatever floats your boat, sweetie. You won’t believe what I’ve been called over the years. Kids can be so cruel! When I was young, the captain of the chess club, who I loved madly, called me “old hag”! I still cry about that one from time to time!

Edgeworth: YOUR HONOR! I object to the witness’ garrulousness!

Judge: Objection sustained. I’ll ask the witness to please stay on topic.

Oldbag: I was just getting to the good part, grr.

Maya: Not even Miles Edgeworth can handle this lady.

Phoenix’s thoughts: I’m not sure I can, either.

{Caption: Cross Examination}

Phoenix: Are you absolutely certain you saw the defendant pass by?

Oldbag: Oh yeah. I was superbly guarding the front from 1 to 5 p.m. without so much as a single potty break. Around two o’ clock, I saw Will Powers murderously approaching the studio.

Phoenix: And there is no doubt in your mind it was truly him?

Oldbag: My eyesight is 20/20 if you add up both my eyes.

Phoenix: That’s not how it works.

Oldbag: There’s photographic evidence. Hey! Scruffy McTrenchcoat, show ‘em the picture!

Gumshoe: My name is Gumshoe! You weren’t even close, old hag!

Judge: Please share this with the court, Detective.

Gumshoe: Right. There’s a security camera installed here. It has a sensor that detects anyone crossing the gate and takes a picture.

Oldbag: Part of my job is to carefully check the photos every day.

Maya: Hold on, we haven’t heard about these photographs before, have we?

Phoenix: No.

Phoenix’s thoughts: If it shows Powers crossing that gate, that could definitely mean a guilty verdict.

Judge: Detective. Please put it on the monitor.

Maya: Eh?

Phoenix: What the…

Judge: What exactly are we looking at?

{Text on photo” May 9, 2 PM Photo No. 2}

{Caption: Objection!}

Phoenix: OBJECTION! How does this prove it was Powers?!

Oldbag: How?! Because we’re all looking at a picture of him. Right, cutie?

Edgeworth: It is.

Judge: Uh, well, I suppose it could be him.

Phoenix: It’s a picture of the character he plays. But we simply can’t prove that’s him wearing the costume in this photograph!

{Caption: Objection!}

Edgeworth: OBJECTION! Despite your assertion, that is indeed Powers in the picture. Ask the witness.

Oldbag: Most definitely!

Phoenix: Uah!

Oldbag: Look! See how he’s dragging his leg? The left one has something wrong with it.

Phoenix: Uh…his leg?

{Caption: Testimony}

Oldbag: While they were rehearsing the fight choreography that morning, Powers fell and sprained his ankle pretty bad. Everyone saw it happen. He even broke one of the props when he fell! It was a huge mess.

Phoenix: When you say “everyone”, who do you mean?

Oldbag: Well…Powers was there, of course. Poor, sweet Jack Hammer, too. I was there to observe, and, uh…uaugh!

Phoenix: Eum? Was there someone else?

Oldbag: No, nobody else. It was just the three of us that day.

Maya: That’s weird. She just bit her tongue for some reason.

Phoenix: Powers. He broke a prop when he fell?

Oldbag: Yeah. He really did a number on the Samurai Spear.

{Caption: Testimony}

Oldbag: Luckily, I was there with my trusty old duct tape to fix it.

Phoenix, Maya: Duct tape?

Oldbag: I taped that thing up real good!

Judge: And during that incident is when the defendant injured his left ankle. Is that correct?

Oldbag: Yes, sir, it is, and that’s why he’s dragging it in the picture there. He was having trouble walking.

Judge: Yes, I see that.

Maya: Aw man. Stupid old hag!

Phoenix: Uah! Wait. One question!

Oldbag: Yes?

Phoenix: That day, the only person that passed by your station was the Steel Samurai?

{Caption: Objection!}

Edgeworth: OBJECTION! The witness has already answered that question. I insist that the defense stop badgering her at once.

Oldbag: I love a man that stands up for a lady!

Maya: Yep. She’s nuts.

Phoenix: Can you explain this?

{Text on photo: May 9, 2 PM Photo No. 2}

Phoenix: The stamp at the bottom says “May 9th, 2 PM, Photo No. 2”. So that means there was one taken before.

Oldbag: Yeah…but I deleted the earlier one.

Maya: What?! Why did you do that?!

Oldbag: Another part of the job is to erase any innocuous photos. I do it every single day.

Phoenix: Is that so? Will you tell us who was in the first photograph?

Oldbag: Just a fanboy.

Judge, Maya: Fanboy?

Oldbag: The Steel Samurai has some diehard fans, including this annoying, snot-nosed kid.

{Caption: Testimony}

Oldbag: The drain near the office connects to the outside…and this pest is always sneaking in.

Cody [flashback]: Heum!

Maya: Wait, a kid? Is it the same one we saw?

Oldbag: Yeah! That little rat, always sneaking around!

Phoenix: As I remember…he looked to be in probably second or third grade.

Gumshoe: By the way, the Samurai Spear weighs about 35 pounds. A grade schooler would have a pretty hard time picking it up like a weapon.

Edgeworth: Are you really accusing an innocent little boy of murder? I cannot believe you’d stoop so low.

Phoenix: Because I never said that.

Oldbag: See? The picture was completely unrelated, so that’s why I decided to delete it.

Edgeworth: The only other person spotted at the studio was a child. The boy’s not a suspect. So therefore, the only one who could have committed the murder is Will Powers.

Powers: Guwah!

Edgeworth: The prosecution rests, Your Honor. And I formally request a verdict of “guilty”.

Powers: No, I swear I didn’t kill him!

Judge: Hm…

Maya: Come on, Nick! We can’t let this happen!

Phoenix: There’s gotta be something. Somebody else. If we can just find any other possible suspect…we’d be able to buy ourselves a little more time.

Maya: Right! So we gotta go for broke! We name someone else that was there!

Phoenix: Yeah, but who the heck would that be?

Phoenix’s thoughts: Who could have put on the Steel Samurai costume and limped over to the studio at two o’ clock that afternoon?

Judge: So…this court finds the defendant, Mr. Will Powers---

{Caption: Objection!}

Phoenix: OBJECTION! We know there was another person on the lot! They could have committed the murder! Not just Powers.

Edgeworth: Such a pathetic attempt. Tell us, who would that be?

Phoenix: That person is…well…uh…

Maya: Ehumah!

Phoenix: …Wendy Oldbag!

Edgeworth: Uah!

Maya: Uah!

Judge: Uah!

Oldbag: WHAT?! THAT’S CRAZY!

Phoenix: In this picture, the Steel Samurai is dragging their leg, so whomever was wearing this costume would have to know about the injury sustained earlier. That leaves one person besides Hammer and Powers. Who was it? It was you, Oldbag!

Oldbag: Uah!

Phoenix: She was standing guard all by herself at the main gate. So no one can back up her alibi. She could have left her post, put on the costume, and walked by the gate, thus triggering the camera!

Oldbag: Grr…you dare call me a murderer?! This is how you repay me, boy?!

Phoenix: I don’t recall owing you anything. That means we must further investigate this possibility.

Oldbag: Grr…GRAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH…

(Maya: Aahah!)

Oldbag: …RAAAAAAGGGHH…

(Phoenix: Ehum!)

Judge: Order! Order in this court!

(Oldbag: …RAAAAAAAGGGHHH!)

Judge: Now, defense. Do you have any idea why she would put on the costume in the first place?

Phoenix: It’s simple, Your Honor: the security camera. She knew crossing the gate would result in a picture. It was part of her job, after all. Wearing the costume was the only way to hide her identity.

Judge: Yes, that’s true. Excellent deductive reasoning. It seems that it would be best to adjourn the trial for further investigation. Prosecutor Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Your Honor?

Judge: We should take the old hag---uah, I mean, Miss Oldbag, into custody at once. She needs to be interrogated.

Edgeworth: The prosecution sees no need to rush the verdict. Consider it done.

Maya: Uh, so what now?

Phoenix: I do feel bad for her, but this is the only way I could think of to buy us another day.

Judge: That is all. Court is hereby adjourned!

{Caption: Objectionnnnnnnnn!}

Oldbag: OBJECTIOOOOOONNNNN! Huah…huah…huah…you think I’d stand here while you accuse me of murder?! No way. In fact, I’m finally gonna start talking!

Judge: What does that mean?

Edgeworth: Explain yourself.

Oldbag: There’s something major that I was told to keep mum about.

Phoenix: What? Seriously?

Edgeworth: Is that so?

Oldbag: Yeah! You’d better listen and listen good! No one tells me to shut up! So I won’t hide it anymore! I SAW MORE PEOPLE THAT DAY!

Phoenix: Uah!

(Crowd: Huah!)

Maya: WHAAAAAA?!

Edgeworth: ABSURD! Why wasn’t I told about this?!

Phoenix’s thoughts: Looks like this trial is just getting underway.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on screen: Ace Attorney}

Phoenix: OBJECTION!

Phoenix [narrating]: The Steel Samurai case just gets more and more confusing. At times like this, we have to remember what he swore to do: fight evil in the name of justice! Victory is not decided by who is stronger but by who’s more righteous. The search for justice leads us in new directions, but also into new traps, and time is running out! Find the contradictions, believe in the truth!

{Text on screen: Next Episode: Turnabout Samurai--2nd Trial}

Phoenix [narrating]: Next episode: Turnabout Samurai--2nd Trial! Take that!

#anime #anime transcripts #anime dub transcripts #ace attorney #ace attorney transcripts

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anime-dub-transcripts · 1 year

Note

I dunno if this has already been requested, but it’d be cool to see In Another World With My Smartphone. Oh and Solo Levelling and I Got A Cheat Skill In Another World And Became Unrivalled In The Real World Too when they eventually come out would be awesome to see too. Love what you guys are doing here :)

None of those series have been requested, so I will add them to the list!

And thank you! I will try to update more consistently now that I actually have CrunchyRoll, but alas, college is always unpredictable.

#requests #asks answered

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anime-dub-transcripts · 1 year

Text

Spy x Family Masterlist

Episode 1 (Operation Strix)

#anime #anime masterlist

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anime-dub-transcripts · 1 year

Text

Spy x Family Episode #1: Operation Strix Transcript

This episode has Twilight start his mission by adopting a daughter.

Ambassador: I need to be at the embassy ASAP.

Driver: I should have you there in about twenty minutes, sir. Eaum! The brake’s not---what?!

Ambassador: What’s going on?! DRIVER, YOU KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE DAMN ROAD!

(Driver: Deah, neah! Heah! Neh!)

Driver: Deah, geaugh!

(Ambassador: Deah!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man #1: Apparently, one of our diplomats in Ostania has died in a car accident. Though we suspect he was assassinated by the East’s far-right political party.

{Text on map #1: WESTALIS}

{Text on map #2: OSTANIA}

Man #1: It’s becoming clearer by the day they’re trying to push us into an all-out war. To protect the people of Westalis, we need to know exactly what they’re planning.

Man #2: Let’s put him on the job. With stakes this high, we need to use the best agent in our roster: Twilight.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Informant: Just as promised. Photographic proof that the Foreign Minister wears a toupée. Negatives too.

Edgar: Very nicely done, yeah. He’ll be forced to resign now. Well, until next time.

Edgar’s voice: Hey!

Informant: Euhm!

Edgar: So how about you hand over those goods you promised me?

Informant: Hueh, I, uh…but you were just…ahohhhh! HE SET ME UP!

Narrator: Code name: Twilight. A spy of the highest caliber. While the nations of the world waged a fierce war of information in the shadows, this master of disguise, man of a hundred faces, survived only by the skills he’s honed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Karen: Daddy’s been in such a foul mood lately because someone stole his toupée pictures or something. I mean, honestly, what a bore. Robert, are you listening?

Twilight: Hm? Yes, how unfortunate.

Woman being proposed to: Huah!

Karen: Neah!

Woman #1: Awww! Awuawuahwuah!

(Woman #2: Hehehehe! Hehehe!)

Karen: Oh, would you look at that. Could that be us one day?

Twilight: Karen, let’s break up.

Karen: AHUH?!

Twilight: I’m afraid you’re just not that intelligent.

Karen: Uh!

Twilight: Bye. Best of luck…

Karen: ROBERT!

(Twilight: …to you)

Karen: HEY! You can’t just walk out on me!

Proposing man: Auh!

Woman #3: Oh…

Karen: Come back here!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight’s thoughts: Sorry, Karen, but I have no further use of you…or your father. As of tonight, I’m also done with “Robert”. Dreams of marriage and a normal, happy life…I threw those away the day I became a spy…along with my true identity.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on sign: Berlint 5}

Agent: Meow!

Twilight’s thoughts: Must be Cipher C.

Announcer: The train bound for Berlint is now departing on Track 5.

Man #3 [from newspaper]: Good day, or perhaps, good evening, Twilight. Excellent work on your last assignment. For the good of our country, the Minister lived to see another day, all thanks to you. Now then, here is your next mission.

{Caption of photo: DONOVAN DESMOND}

Man #3 [from newspaper]: Your target is the head of the National Unity Party, Donovan Desmond, a grave threat to the truce between East and West. You’ll need to get close to him and probe for any seditious activities. In order to achieve this, you must get married and have a child.

Twilight: PHOOO! Cough, cough, cough! Say what?!

Man #3 [from newspaper]: Due to his suspicious nature, Desmond is almost a total recluse. His only social appearances are at events held at the elite private school his son attends. They serve as informal get-togethers for the upper echelon: politicians and industrial leaders. You will have your child enroll in this school and infiltrate one of these social gatherings. However, the enrollment deadline is drawing near. In one week, to be precise.

Twilight: I’m supposed to have a kid in SEVEN DAYS?! Huah!

Woman #4: Huh?

Twilight: Ehum! Sorry.

Man #3 [from newspaper]: We’re calling it “Operation Strix”. It’s the key to maintaining peace between East and West, and perhaps the entire world. You’re the type of hero who casts no shadow, your great deeds never seeing the light of day. Although you won’t receive any medals or public fanfare, don’t forget that your blood, sweat, and tears make everyone else’s day-to-day lives possible.

Twilight’s thoughts: All right. I threw away my identity when I became Twilight. So I’ll take on the role of father…if it means the world will be a safer place.

{Caption: Mission 1: Operation Strix}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Real estate agent: This is one of our single-family apartments. The unit comes furnished, has central heat and air, and…um, sir?

Twilight’s thoughts: No wiretaps. Securable escape routes.

Twilight: I believe I’ll take it.

Real estate agent: Excellent, Mr. Forger. Now if you’d sign these documents.

Twilight’s thoughts: Loid Forger.

{Caption: Loid Forger}

Twilight’s thoughts: Occupation: psychiatrist. That’s the role I’ll be playing. A man with a loving family and a happy home.

Real estate agent: I’m sure you and your family will love it here. So, tell me: do you have a boy or a girl?

Loid: Uh…guess I’ll be deciding that soon.

Real estate agent: Huh?

Loid’s thoughts: It all sounds like a real burden for a spy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Doorbell: Ding dong!

Caretaker: Hm? So you wanna adopt, do ya? Hearp!

Loid: Indeed I do. I heard that your orphanage was looking for families. You see, my wife and I, we---

Caretaker: Yeah, yeah. Just grab whichever one you want.

Loid: Huh?

Caretaker: They’re right this way.

Loid’s thoughts: What a horrible environment.

(Children: Huah…)

Loid’s thoughts: But a place this shady is more likely to have incomplete records. It’ll be easier to come up with a backstory. I’ll make this mission work, even if it involves a child. I would have preferred to handle it on my own, but no matter how skilled I may be, disguising myself as a child is out of my range.

Loid: I should mention I’d like a child who can read and write, if that’s possible.

Caretaker: Yeah? I gotcha. Anya here’s the smartest one we got. She don’t talk much, but she’s a good kid.

(Anya: Ahuah? Huah…)

Caretaker’s thoughts: I’d love to get this weird, creepy little brat outta my hair once and for all.

Caretaker: Come on, Anya, say hi.

Loid: Uh, excuse me…

Loid’s thoughts: Eden College only accepts students six and up. This girl looks no older than four or five.

Anya: Six!

Loid: Uah!

Anya: I’m six!

Caretaker: You’re six years old? Huh!

Loid’s thoughts: She’s quite small for that age. Hm? The newspaper? Ah, but the crossword puzzle would be too difficult for a child. Of course, for me, it’s more like child’s play. One down is “homeostasis”, one across is “causal closure”. The one below that is “symplectomorphism”.

Anya: Ehum!

Loid’s thoughts: She completed it? With that kind of intellect…Eden’s entrance exam will be a breeze!

Loid: Sir, I’ll take her. About the paperwork…

Caretaker: Don’t sweat it. Just take her home already.

Loid’s thoughts: As a spy, getting that part of the mission done so easily worries me.

Loid: So is this okay with you?

Anya’s thoughts: A spy…on a mission? So cool!

Narrator: This little girl is a telepath. Test subject 007. She possessed the ability to read people’s minds. This gift was accidentally created in an experiment by a certain organization. Since fleeing them, she’s been without a place to truly call home.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loid: Listen, little girl…

Anya: Anya!

Loid: Listen, Anya. Starting today, you will be my daughter, but if anyone asks, you’ve always been my daughter. Do you understand?

Anya: Yep!

Loid: So please make sure that you address me as “Father”.

Anya: Papa!

Loid: Close enough.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elderly woman: Hello there, young lady, aren’t you the most precious little thing?

Loid: We’re the Forgers and we just moved in.

Anya: I’m Anya! I’ve always been Papa’s daughter!

Loid’s thoughts: Didn’t need to say that.

(Elderly woman: Oh, you, uh…)

Loid: Come on, let’s go inside.

Anya: This is my house now?

Loid: It is.

Anya: A TV!

Loid: You can turn it on.

{Text on TV: SPY WARS}

Announcer: Spy Wars, an…

Anya: I really like this show!

(Announcer: …animated adventure!)

Loid’s thoughts: Coincidence?

Spy [from TV]: A pistol with a silencer, huh? You’re not some regular spy, huh?

Anya: It’s so cool!

Loid’s thoughts: I’ll secure everything we need, which includes a forged ID for her.

(Spy [from TV]: You must be a pro! I gotta have that bomb…anybody tries to stop me is gonna regret it!)

Loid: I’m stepping out for a bit. Just sit tight and watch your show.

(Anya: Ahuh…)

Anya: Ahuah!

(Spy [from TV]: Eat lead!)

Anya: An adventure!

Loid: It’s not an adventure, it’s a shopping trip!

(Anya: Ehmhm…ehmum!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anya: Papa, I wanna pistol with a silencer!

Loid: Sure, if there’s one on sale.

Loid’s thoughts: To be a master spy, one must act normally and not draw any attention. Today, we’re a regular, inconspicuous family.

Anya: PAPA, PLEASE SAVE MEEE!

Loid’s thoughts: That’s not inconspicuous!

Woman #5: Now, now, sweetie, make sure you’ve got a good hold on your daddy’s hand, okay?

Anya: Ahah…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loid’s thoughts: Having one hand tied up will make it tough to counter an enemy ambush, but I can manage.

Anya’s thoughts: An enemy?!

Anya: Nah, heah!

(Loid: Hm?)

Anya: Heah, eh, heah…dah! Hm, heum! Neah, heah!

Loid: What are you doing?

(Anya: Ehumum…)

Anya: I’m hiding!

Loid’s thoughts: Did I do something to make her hide from me? Maybe I held her hand too early. Does she hate me? This is bad. I need to maintain a good relationship with her until the mission’s over. Basic diplomacy dictates that I know more about her. Understanding the other party is the first step toward peace.

Anya’s thoughts: Understanding me means we’ll have world peace?!

Anya: Um, I really like to eat peanuts! But carrots are gross.

Loid: Ah-huh…

Anya: Huah, bacon from baconries!

Loid: Eoh…

{Text on sign: BAKERY}

Loid: A bakery. I’m afraid they don’t sell bacon.

Anya: Huaeuh…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anya: This one, please!

{Text on coin: 10}

Loid: That costs a dalc. A 10 pent coin isn’t enough.

Anya: Auh…ahuah…

Loid’s thoughts: Maybe the crossword puzzle was a fluke. She honestly doesn’t seem all that bright. I wonder if I can trade her in…

Anya’s thoughts: No, Papa!

(Loid’s thoughts: …for another child)

Anya: Don’t leave me! Aweuhweuh!

Loid: Auh! What is wrong with you?!

(Anya: Please, I promise…)

Anya: …I’m a good bargain. Don’t get rid of meeeeee!

(Loid: Come on. Geah! Grr…)

(Woman #6: Do you see? Look at that crying little girl)

Loid: Now what…

(Anya: Ehuewehweh…)

Loid: I’ll get you peanuts if you stop crying.

Anya: I love peanuts!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on bag: Super Oishii Peanuts}

(Oishii: Delicious → Japanese)

Anya: Papa…I feel so tired I can’t walk anymore…

(Loid: Auh! Huh?)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loid’s thoughts: It’s not working. I don’t understand why she behaves like this.

(Anya: Heah…heah…heah…)

{Text on building: LIBRARY}

Loid’s thoughts: I think I need some sort of instruction manual.

(Anya: Heah…heah…)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loid [reading from book]: The key factor in child-raising is trust. Rather than scolding them, look at things from their perspective. Children have trouble putting how they’re feeling into words. Try to understand them.

Loid: No interrogation tactics?

{Text on book #1: IKUJI}

(IKUJI: CHILD CARE → Japanese)

{Text on book #2: KOSODATE}

(KOSODATE: PARENTING → Japanese)

Loid: Are all the parents out there always on such difficult missions?

Loid’s thoughts [reading from book]: Nurture their self-esteem to give them a better future. By giving them the ability to think for themselves, their lives will…

Loid’s thoughts: As soon as this mission’s over, I’m sending her back to the orphanage. That’s how far our future goes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anya: NO, PAPA, I DON’T WANNA! DON’T MAKE ME STUDY!

Loid: I need to accurately measure your intelligence before you take the entrance exam.

Anya: But I don’t need to study to take some stupid old test! I’ll just read people’s---

Anya’s thoughts: I’ll read their minds!

Loid: I hope you’re not planning on cheating. Listen, if you don’t get into this school, then---

Loid’s thoughts: My mission fails.

Loid: Ehurgh…okay.

Anya: Hm?

Loid: I’m stepping out. And you’re staying right here. You’re not coming with me. Not today. Auh…hey! I said stay put!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loid: I see you! You think you can hide from me?!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loid: There!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loid: There!

Anya’s thoughts: Papa is so good at hide-and-seek! This is fun!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loid: Hahaha! Try and get outta that!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Franky: Wow, that’s why you’re late?

Loid: I ended up putting a barricade in front of the door and trapping her inside.

Franky: Hopefully you don’t get busted for child abuse.

Loid: How could anyone know what children are thinking? And the whole tactic of crying until they get their way is maddening.

Franky: I hate to break it to you, pal, but crying’s, like, their job. Anywho, here’s what you wanted: an application, exam appointment, and a copy of the test. I went through hell getting these.

Loid: I appreciate it, Franky. If she can memorize the answers, we have a real shot at passing.

Franky: Got some intel on the girl. Dug up some records, stuff the orphanage didn’t have. Not a thing about her birth, though…

{Text on paper #1: Name: Anya Williams, Anya Levski, Anya Roche, Anya Klein}

{Text on paper #2: Age: Unknown}

{Text on paper #3: Father: Unknown}

{Text on paper #4: Mother: Unknown}

Franky: …or her real age, or parents either. It’s strictly from the last year. It says that she’s been adopted and returned four times now. She’s on her third orphanage.

Loid [reading from paper]: Anya Williams, Anya Levski, Anya Roche…

Franky: Changes names like you. You guys are a perfect match. Euah! Relax, I’m just kidding. Focus on your mission. She may be a cute little kid, but watch that you don’t get too attached to her, y’know?

Loid: Your concern is touching.

Franky: What the?! Hey! Stiffed me. Forget kids; who in the hell knows what spies are thinking?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anya’s thoughts: This is boring!

{Text on poster: SPY WARS}

Anya’s thoughts: I thought spies were a whole lot cooler, like we’d be looking for bombs and stuff.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loid’s thoughts [flashback]: I can’t have her messing with my spy equipment, so I’ll have to lock it all up. The code is six one…

Anya’s thoughts: …one zero!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anya: 🎵Bomb, bombs! Bomby bombs!🎵 Hm? Eum! Euah? Eum! Hm! Hm! 🎵Bomb, bombs! Bomby bombs!🎵 Huaeah! A spy radio! Sending secret messages!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man #4: Boss! We’ve intercepted a new transmission!

Edgar: Using the West’s cipher?

Man #4: No, doesn’t seem to be. Wait. It’s saying, “This is Twilight here.” Hang on, Twilight? This is the frequency Western intelligence uses.

Edgar: Grrrr…

Man #4: Oh, there’s more. “Catch me if you can”.

(Edgar: Rrrreagh…)

Edgar: GET A LOCATION ON THE SOURCE, STAT!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anya: Huoh…aah!

Dream Loid: Now you know I’m a spy, I’ll have to make you disappear!

(Anya: Eah, eah, eah!)

Anya: Neah! If he finds out I do telepathy…he’ll make me leave.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scientist #1 [flashback]: Anya. You can’t tell anyone about your power, remember? It’s time for you to study again, Anya.

Anya [flashback]: Aw, but I wanna draw.

Scientist #1 [flashback]: Don’t concern yourself with childish things. We need to figure out how to use your special power for world peace.

Anya [flashback]: Weh, wehm…

Scientist #1 [flashback]: There’s no time for tears. Playtime’s over and you need to study.

(Anya [flashback]: …weum weum! Weh weh weh weh! Weah, weah weh!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anya: Eh, weah…auh…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loid: I hope she hasn’t trashed the apartment. Oh yeah, gotta move this. Huh?

Man #5: Ewah! Deuah!

Man #6: Eh, uhanh! Duah!

Loid: The hell are these guys?! Anya! Ehweah, ANYA! Kidnapped.

Loid’s thoughts: Who sent these thugs here, and why?!

Loid: Eheh!

Loid’s thoughts: I’ve gotta find her! Okay, calm down. Obviously, this location’s been compromised, so first off, I need to secure somewhere safe. As for Anya…there are lots of other children out there. Just have to start over from square one.

Man #5: EHYAH!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edgar: Who the hell’s the brat, anyway? Is it Twilight’s kid or something?

(Anya: Ehuemeum! Eheumeheum…)

Man #7: No clue. She was where that message came from, so we nabbed her.

(Anya: Eheuheum…)

Anya’s thoughts: ‘Cause of the secret message?!

Man #7: She was holed up in the apartment with a barricade out front.

Edgar: Do you know why?

Man #7: Beats me.

Edgar: No matter. I think she still might prove useful to us as a hostage. We can force Twilight to steal the Foreign Minister’s toupée right off his head.

Man #8: Boss? Maybe we should ditch the whole “toupée” thing. Auh!

Edgar: Transparency is essential in government, so toupées are a no-go.

Anya’s thoughts: A pistol with a silencer!

Edgar: Plus, the Minister’s a traitor who’s been secretly backing the West, and anyone who takes a traitor’s side must be a traitor too.

Anya’s thoughts: He’s gotta be a pro bad guy!

Man #9: Boss! Looks like Nguyen and his crew are back from the apartment!

Nguyen: We got him. Eheum!

Loid: Eheah!

Edgar: Nicely done.

Nguyen: Ehuaeh! This dude sure as hell moves like a pro. Heaheah…he’s the real deal.

Man #10: Get yourself together, man.

Edgar: Now that I have your attention, Twilight…

(Loid: Eh! Eh, ehah!)

Edgar: …why don’t you return those photographs you stole from me?

Nguyen: Dehah! Euah!

Edgar: Huah!

(Man #9: Nguyen?!)

(Man #11: Huah!)

Man #10: What’s going on?!

Man #11: The kid’s gone!

(Edgar: Grrrrr…)

Edgar: HE GOT ME AGAIN!

Loid’s thoughts: This was a mistake. Going into enemy territory put the mission in jeopardy. I’m not fit to be a spy.

(Anya’s thoughts: Papa!)

Anya: WAAAAAAHHH!

Loid [in disguise]: Shut up, kid! You’re okay. I’m not gonna hurt you. You don’t have to be scared.

(Anya: WAAAAAAAHHHHH!)

Anya: PAPA!

(Loid [in disguise]: Duah!)

Loid’s thoughts: This is why kids suck. Yeah.

(Anya: Wehwehwehwehwehwehweh…Papa…)

Loid’s thoughts: I guess I know why the sound of them crying makes my blood run cold. Because it reminds me of my own rotten childhood. Not a single person out there ever tried to save me. I was completely alone and powerless in the world. Only thing I could do was cry. I thought I’d left all that baggage behind me, but you can’t do that forever. Something’s gonna trigger those memories.

Loid [in disguise]: Now listen to me, little girl.

Anya: Anya!

Loid [in disguise]: So listen, Anya. Me and my pals there…we’re all pro tag players. When we see someone who looks like they can play, we challenge them to a little game.

Anya’s thoughts: Oh! Papa is a liar.

Loid [in disguise]: Look. If you start heading straight down this street and turn right, you’ll find the police station. If you can hand this paper over to the police officer, you win the game. You got that?

Loid’s thoughts: If she shows them this, they’ll put her in a better orphanage. I can’t have a kid mixed up in this mission.

Anya: Ahauh!

Loid’s thoughts: Gotta rework the whole plan.

Anya: Ahuah, I---

Loid [in disguise]: Okay. Now run!

Anya: Huahuahhuahuah!

Loid’s thoughts: “I’m not cut out to be a spy”? No. I just should've never put this kid in danger. How could I forget I’m working to create the kind of world…where kids won’t have to cry like that. That’s why I’m a spy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man #12: Don’t let him get away!

Man #10: We’re gonna drag him outta here and show his face to the whole---

Man #13: A trap!

(Man #10: Ehuah?)

Man #14: When did he…

Man #10: Cough! This flour or---

Loid: Huah!

Man #10: Duah!

Man #11: That…Twilight?!

Man #15: Don’t shoot! It’ll blow!

Man #11: Ehuah! Duah!

Man #15: Hueh? Wuah! AAH!

Man #13: Duah!

Man #14: Gaueh!

Edgar: What in the…you’re kidding me. Ehuh! Neah…

Loid: Turn around and you’re dead.

Edgar: Twilight.

Loid: Good day, or, perhaps, good evening, Edgar. Tell me, how’s Karen doing?

Edgar: How do you know my daughter’s name?

Loid: It’s my job. That’s what spies do. I know her height, weight, shoe size, favorite foods, and the location of every mole on her body. She’s got nothing on your rap sheet, but I know all the times she’s broken the law.

Edgar: That’s absurd! My Karen would---

Loid: Edgar. I also know how much you care about your daughter. So listen. If you want your precious girl to have any kind of a normal life, you’ll leave me the hell alone!

Edgar: Ehuah!

Loid: If you want that, go home now.

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Loid: Ouh! Anya?

Anya: Hm? Papa! Ahahah, Papa!

Loid: Uh, you’re still here. I mean, what are you doing outside of the house? I, uh, just came down here to do a little shopping, but I guess they’re out of business.

Anya’s thoughts: Papa is a big-time liar.

Anya: I was just out playing tag with some old guys.

Loid: Oh. Did you have fun?

(Anya: Oh)

Anya: It was kinda scary. I wanna go home.

Loid: Ehuh?

Anya: Back to our place, Papa.

Loid: You do? You’re sure?

Anya: If you leave me behind, I’m gonna cry.

Franky [flashback voiceover]: She’s been adopted and returned four times now.

Loid [flashback voiceover]: Anya Williams, Anya Levski, Anya Roche…

Loid: Okay. Well, let’s go home then.

Anya: Huah…

Loid: But we should move out of that dangerous apartment. I actually saw a venomous snake there.

Anya: I don’t like snakes!

Anya’s thoughts: Papa might be the world’s biggest liar, but he’s a cool liar!

Anya: I wanna live in a castle!

Loid: Sure, if there’s one to rent. Once we’re there, you’ve got to study.

Anya: EUAH!

Loid: As long as you memorize all the answers, it’ll be fine. Easy enough.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: All right, children. Begin!

Loid’s thoughts: I’m counting on you, Anya! You’ve got this.

Children’s thoughts: How hard is this?

Anya: Huah!

Boy #1’s thoughts: This is so hard!

Boy #2’s thoughts: I don’t know any of these answers!

(Anya: Huahah!)

Girl #1’s thoughts: Eeny meeny miny moe…

Anya: Heuheuheuh…hmhm…

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Loid’s thoughts: K-212…K-212…

Loid: It’s there! You passed!

(Anya: Heuahuh!)

Loid: Way to go!

(Anya: Heh, oh…)

Anya: I did good?

Loid: You did really good!

(Anya: Hahahaha!)

Loid: You…ouh…oh…

(Anya: Ah?)

Loid: Owoah, Papa!

Loid’s thoughts: I relaxed for a second and all my exhaustion hit at once. I relaxed? How did that even happen? What the hell’s wrong with me?

(Anya: Weoah…Papa? Please, no, don’t leave me! I didn’t even cry! I promise to be a good girl! Come back to me!)

Anya: Please wake upppppp!

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Anya: Wow. He’s dead.

Doorbell: Ring!

Anya: Huh?

Mailman: Got the mail for you! Forger household?

Anya: Um, I’m Anya Forger.

Mailman: Could you please give this to your mommy or daddy?

Anya: There is no mama.

Mailman: Oh! I mean, sorry.

Anya: Papa, the mailman brought this for you! Hm…

Loid: Ahauh! Nngh! Aaah! What are you doing?! Are you trying to kill me?! Gm…

Loid’s thoughts: Can’t believe I fell asleep in front of someone. That’s unacceptable. I gotta get a grip.

Anya: There’s mail!

Loid: Huah? A letter from Eden College. Neah…

Anya: Is something wrong?

Loid: The second phase of the admission process is a family interview. It is mandatory the applicant attend with both parents. Absolutely no exceptions.

Anya: But there is no mama.

#anime #anime transcripts #anime dub transcripts #spy x family #spy x family dub transcripts

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anime-dub-transcripts · 2 years

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Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun Masterlist

Episode 1 (Hanako-san of the Bathroom)

#masterlist

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anime-dub-transcripts · 2 years

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Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun Episode #1: Hanako-san of the Bathroom Transcript

This episode has Nene meeting Hanako-kun.

Female student: Hey, come here! Have you heard the rumors? About the school's Seven Wonders?

{Ornament #1: One}

{Ornament #2: Two}

{Ornament #3: Three}

{Ornament #4: Four}

{Ornament #5: Five}

{Ornament #6: Six}

{Ornament #7: Seven}

Female student: You really haven’t? Oh my gosh, well, where do I start? I’ll tell you the most famous one first.

{Lit ornament: Seven}

Female student: It’s the seventh of the Seven Wonders…Hanako, the Bathroom Ghost. She’s on the third floor of the old building, in the third stall in the girls’ bathroom.

{Sign: Girls’ Bathroom}

Female student: You can go there and summon her right now if you want! She’ll grant you any wish no matter what it is, but she’ll take something precious from you in exchange, and you won’t know what it is until it’s too late.

Nene: Eumph…

Female student: To call her, knock three times…

Nene’s hand: Knock, knock, knock!

Female student: …and then say…

Nene: Hanako, Hanako, Hanako…are you in there? Eum…eum…

Hanako-kun: Helllllloooooo…

(Nene: Huah! Heum…)

Nene: Eaum…huah. Okay, hearing things.

Hanako-kun: You summoned me?

Nene: Dueah! Eheauheah, heah! Eueum…HAH! AAAHH! NO!

Hanako-kun: Snerk! Hehehehehehahahahahahaha!

Nene’s thoughts: That sounds like a boy.

Hanako-kun: What’s the matter with you?

Nene: AAH!

Nene’s thoughts: I can see right through him. Such an old uniform…those look like orbs…

Nene: Are…are you a ghost?

Hanako-kun: I prefer “apparition”…or the seventh of the Seven Wonders of the school: Hanako the Bathroom Ghost. I’m delighted to meet you.

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{Caption: Apparition 1: Hanako-san of the Bathroom}

{Sign: Girls’ Bathroom}

Nene: Wait, are you saying you’re Hanako?

Hanako-kun: Yeah. You rang?

Nene: I’m not stupid! And where’s your bob haircut and red jumpskirt?!

Hanako-kun: Well, uh, that’s not really the look I’m into these days.

Nene: THESE DAYS?!

Hanako-kun: Anyway, mind telling me who you are?

Nene: I don’t understand; you look like a boy.

Hanako-kun: That’s because I am a boy. Believe me, I’m just as bothered about that inaccuracy as you are, but the rest of what you’ve heard is true.

Nene: Euauhm…

Hanako-kun: I will grant your wish and collect a payment that I see as fit. So what is your wish? Please don’t tell me you came here unprepared.

Nene: Why are you in here? What kind of pervy ghost chooses to haunt the girls’ bathroom?

Hanako-kun: Okay, we’re done.

Nene: I TAKE IT BACK! YOU CAN HAUNT ANY BATHROOM YOU’D LIKE AND I THINK IT’S COOL THAT YOU’RE A BOY!

Hanako-kun: You think I’m…cool? In that case, tell me your name and what it is you wish!

Nene’s thoughts: He got over that fast.

Nene: My name’s Yashiro Nene! And I’m a first year in Class A! My wish is that the guy I’m crushing on will like me back as much as I like him!

{Text in Hanako’s notebook: YASHIRO: LOVE}

Hanako-kun: Hm, Yashiro. Got it, and you’re asking for your love to be returned. What’s the guy’s name?

Nene: Everybody calls him Minamoto. He’s a second year and way smart. He’s that guy who’s so cool but still nice to everyone! One time, I dropped my pencil case and he picked it up for me!

Hanako-kun: I see…

{Caption: Stare}

Hanako-kun: Easy enough!

(Nene: Huah?)

Hanako-kun: Consider your wish granted!

Nene: Are you serious?! Wait, how does the wish granting thing work from the toilet stall?

{Text on banner: Success}

Nene: Do you use a special item or something?

Hanako-kun: I do. The one I carry works wonders.

Nene: Will you show it to me?

Hanako-kun: Hmhmhm! Voila!

{Text on book: 100 Methods of Love: This Is Love}

{Caption: A how-to book}

{Caption: NO}

Nene: Nuh-uh.

Hanako-kun: Ehuh, hear me out! If I use my power to help you, we’ll have to do an equivalent exchange, and if I’m making a human heart do something that’s not natural, the price is going to reflect that. Trust me, this is much safer.

Nene: Hold on. What if I’m okay with any price?

Hanako-kun: Oh, are you? I’d say, “Sorry, I don’t have tools that advanced”.

Nene: You were bluffing?!

Nene’s thoughts: But…maybe I should try it.

{Caption: High hopes}

Nene’s thoughts: I mean, he’s a ghost who grants wishes. He must know some tricks. I can’t be the first person to ask for help in the love department.

Hanako-kun [reading from book]: Method #78: Find creative ways to impress them with your skills.

Hanako-kun: Let’s show you off! What are your talents?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hanako-kun: Where are we?

Nene: The best place I could think of to show what I can do: the school student garden! NEAH!

{Caption: TA-DA}

Nene: I’m a garden club superstar!

{Caption: Dirt…}

Nene: Why are you looking at me like that?!

(Hanako-kun: Neah…)

Nene: I can grow flowers too, you know! I’M FEMININE AND DELICATE!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nene: That’s why I joined. A boy I once liked said he was only attracted to girly girls and I noticed there were lots of ‘em in the garden club. I was also learning how to cook and sew at the same time. I figured once I mastered all three skills, I’d tell him how I felt.

Hanako-kun: How long did you like him?

Nene: Since right after I started junior high. I only told him how I felt last month. It took me three years to do it, but…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nene’s former crush [flashback]: Hold on. You’re saying you like me? Do I even know you?

{Caption: SHOCK}

Nene [flashback]: Neauheauh!

Nene’s former crush [flashback]: Creepy. Sorry, you’re just not my type. I’m not into thick daikon legs.

{Caption: Daikon legs…}

Nene’s thoughts [flashback]: Daikon legs…daikon…daikon.

(Daikon: Radish → Japanese)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nene: That was a month ago! I’m completely over it and I’m a completely different person now!

Hanako-kun: I don't believe you.

Nene: Well, you should! I am totally obsessed with someone else now. Once that guy sees that someone like Minamoto loves me back, he’ll regret ever turning me down!

Hanako-kun: Is that so?

(Nene: Huah!)

Hanako-kun: So anyone’d do?

Nene: Huh? No, Mr. Smarty Pants. I want Minamoto. Don’t pull any funny stuff!

Hanako-kun: You sure? Because something tells me you don’t know very much about this guy.

Nene: Yes, I do.

Hanako-kun: Then answer this question: what’s his full name?

Sound effects: Bonk. bonk, bonk, ding!

Nene: Oh, look how big this worm is. Bet Mr. Carp would like to eat that.

Hanako-kun: That’s what I thought. Huah…here.

Nene: Huah? A blank gift tag?

{Text on heart: Love}

Hanako-kun: Yep! Write a sweet message, then give it to your boy with something you grew! I call this move Operation Present!

Nene’s thoughts: Creative title.

Nene: I’ve tried things like this before; I need magic!

Hanako-kun: But you haven’t tried exactly this on this day, have you? Make the most of what you have now. Let your hard work work for you.

(Nene: Huah?)

Nene: That makes sense. Euahm…okay! Let Operation Present begin!

Hanako-kun: Yaaaay!

Nene’s thoughts: I still think writing down everything I feel would be too much.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Minamoto [flashback]: Hey, I think you dropped your pencils.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nene’s thoughts: I’ll tell him thank you for picking up my pencil box the other day. He cares about me!

Hanako-kun: He’s going to love it! So what type of plants did you grow this season?

Nene: Over there.

Hanako-kun: Other side. Euah…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hanako-kun: Well…that’s…fun.

(Minamoto: Hey)

Minamoto: What’s going on? Why the excitement?

Boy #1: Dude, you tell us. Come here! Someone left produce on your desk with a thank you note.

{Text on note: Thank you for the other day}

{Caption #1: TOMATO}

{Caption #2: KYU-RI}

(KYU-RI: CUCUMBER → Japanese)

Minamoto: Euhn…euahn…

Boy #1: Did you help a vegan cross the street yesterday or something?

Minamoto: Huh? No…

Hanako-kun: What fun.

Nene: How did this turn into some weird mystery?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on card: Mermaid}

Hanako-kun: I’m changing the name to Operation Vegetables. Congrats, they’re all talking about it!

Nene: I know they are! Everyone thinks some grateful vegan broke into the school!

Hanako-kun: Or a grateful daikon.

Nene: Huaeah!

Dream daikon: For you!

(Daikon: Radish → Japanese)

Nene: Nawahwahwahwahwahwah!

(Hanako-kun: Hahahahahaha!)

Girl #1: Oh my gosh, she’s screaming at the ceiling!

(Nene: Nawahwahwah!)

(Hanako-kun: Hahahaha!)

(Boys: Ewuah?)

Girl #2: I’ve seen her talking to herself all day.

(Nene: Nawahwahwahwahwahwah!)

(Hanako-kun: Hahahahahaha!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nene: I’m so embarrassed. I have to drop gardening club.

Hanako-kun: That’s a little extreme, isn’t it? You have other talents and interests. We’ll try something new!

Nene: Yay…

(Hanako-kun: Yay!)

Nene’s thoughts: I can’t contain my enthusiasm.

{Caption: Operation: Button of Love}

Minamoto: They say he lives under the stairs…

Girl #3: Oh…

Minamoto: …but I’ve never seen anything.

Hanako-kun: Score! I got one! Now’s your chance! Go sew his button of love!

Nene: I’m on it! Hey, Minamoto!

Girl #3: Looks like you’re missing a button.

Minamoto: Weird; it wasn’t like that earlier.

Nene: DAAAAAAAHHHHOOHAH!

(Girl #3: Don’t worry, I’ll save you!)

Girl #3: Use mine!

Girl #4: No, use mine!

(Boy #2: No, take mine!)

Nene: Oah…

(Hanako-kun: Hehehehe…)

(Girl #3, Girl #4, Boy #2: Pick me! I wanna be Minamoto’s button!)

{Caption: Failure…}

Nene: I failed.

(Hanako-kun: Hehehe!)

{Caption: Operation: Boxed Lunch}

Hanako-kun: How about using the vegetables to make him a boxed lunch? You can keep it exciting by making them look like cute animals!

Nene: Uh-huh!

{Caption #1: Chop, chop}

{Caption #2: Sizzle}

Boy #1: Nice wrap! You got a girl makin’ you lunch now?

Minamoto: I don’t know who it could be.

Woman’s voice: AAAAAHHHH!

(Minamoto: Huah! Dueah…)

Minamoto: I think someone forgot this. I’ll take it to the lost and found.

Nene: HE HATES VEGGIE MONSTERS!

{Caption: Failure…}

Nene: Another failure.

{Caption: Operation: Corner of Love}

Nene: Nom!

Hanako-kun: Put this toast in your mouth and then bump into him as he turns a corner. Dash out there when I give the signal.

Nene: Uh-huh!

Hanako-kun: TIME TO RUN!

Nene: Hm!

Hanako-kun: Will be the signal for you to go. Uah! Deah!

Kou: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAH OOH AAH AAH AAH AAH OWAUH!

Minamoto: Kou? KOU!

(Hanako-kun: Eh, huah…)

Boy #3: Look, someone just flew at them!

(Hanako-kun: Eh, auah…)

Boy #4: He fell down those stairs! Is he okay?

(Hanako-kun: Ah, ah…ehehe…)

Nene: What? I think I may have run into the wrong person! WAAAAAHHHH!

(Hanako-kun: Oh…oohueah…woaeuh…)

Boy #3: Don’t just stand there! Call an ambulance!

(Nene: I’m so sorry!)

(Hanako-kun: Uah…uh, uh…)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Sign: Girls’ Bathroom}

Nene: Owauh…none of these things are working, none! And how is running with toast in my mouth supposed to make him want me?

Hanako-kun: Ehehe!

Nene: Ehehe, NOT FUNNY! Now he seems more confused than ever!

Hanako-kun: Yeah…ooh, I know! Why don’t you just tell him?

Nene: Owah? I can’t!

Hanako-kun: Come on! I’m running out of ideas! This is all so…new to me.

Nene: Eum? What do you mean, “new”?!

Hanako-kun: Eheh! Not many people know how to summon me, so I’m not as experienced as you think.

Nene: I knew something was off! All these fluffy, wholesome attacks are not what ghosts are usually about!

Hanako-kun: Except for me! Just call me wholesome Hanako!

{Caption: Grrrrr}

Nene: HUAHGRRRRRRR!

Hanako-kun: I have items that are a little darker too! If you want! Let’s see, where is it? Found it! Here!

Nene: What is this?

Hanako-kun: Kokeshi doll.

Nene: So?

Hanako-kun: It’s kinda sexy.

Nene: HUEH!

(Hanako-kun: AAAAAAAHHHHH!)

Nene: Hueauh!

Nene’s thoughts: I really believed he was going to grant my wish.

Hanako-kun: Note to self: don’t show them the dolls in front of an open window.

{Text on bag: Seal}

Nene’s thoughts: Is this Hanako’s? Did he mean to drop it?

Hanako-kun: Oweah…

Nene: Hey, Hanako…what are these?

Hanako-kun: Oh. Those are for matchmaking.

Nene: Matchmaking?!

Hanako-kun: No! DON’T TOUCH! Give it to me! I’m serious!

(Nene: Ewuah!)

Nene: Aaaahhh…nom!

(Hanako-kun: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!)

Nene: If you don’t want me to swallow it, you’d better explain right now!

Hanako-kun: Euh! Okay, okay, I will! Those are clusters of mermaid scales. Anyone who swallows them will be cursed. Part of that curse is a bond with another who made the same unfortunate---

Nene: Gulp!

{Caption: Gulp}

Hanako-kun: AIYEE, YASHIRO!

{Caption: Panic, panic}

Hanako-kun: WHAT PART OF “DON’T SWALLOW IT OR YOU’LL BE CURSED” WAS UNCLEAR?!

Nene: I don’t mind!

Hanako-kun: Uah!

Nene: If Minamoto will like me back, then I don’t care if I’m cursed! You had the right items the entire time! Hanako, you…YOU’RE NOTHING BUT AN EVIL LIAR!

Hanako: Ehuheum…

Nene: Heum…ehem!

Hanako-kun: Ohueaum…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nene: Awah…euh!

Nene’s thoughts: There he is! Finally! But…who’s that girl?

{Caption: Slender legs}

Girl #3: I, um…

{Caption: Blushing}

Girl #3: I’m sorry, this is hard. Okay. I’ve had a crush on you ever since first year!

Nene’s thoughts: AAAAHHHHHOWAH!

Minamoto: Oh…

Nene’s thoughts: No, don’t! Don’t say it, please! You can’t like her back! I…I was so close.

Minamoto: Look, I…

Nene: Huah!

Minamoto: Thank you for telling me, but I like someone else. I’ve liked her for a long time, and I hope to be with her someday. I know that’s hard to hear. I’m sorry.

Nene’s thoughts: So that’s it. He likes someone else. But now that I have this, I guess it doesn’t matter.

Hanako-kun [flashback]: Anyone’d do?

Nene: It’s not the same. Hm…neah! My arms! What the…? No!

Nene’s thoughts: I don’t get it. Why is this happening to me? You worked so hard to show him…no, that’s not true. I barely even talk to him at school. It’s my own fault that he doesn’t know my name.

Hanako-kun [flashback]: Let your hard work work for you.

Nene’s thoughts: But what was I working toward? Did I think we would live happily ever after? Or did I just want someone to like me so I’d feel better about myself? Did I swallow this thing to feed my ego? Am I really that selfish? If so…it serves me right. All of it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hanako-kun: There you go!

Nene: Am I in…water?

Hanako-kun: And good thing you are. You were about to dry out.

Nene: Hanako?

Hanako-kun: I’ve got everything ready for you. Hope you like it.

Nene: Hope I like what? What happened to me?

Hanako-kun: Ta-da!

Nene: Uwaeuh?! WHAAAATT?! WHY AM I A FISH? IS THIS A NIGHTMARE?!

(Hanako-kun: Hm…)

Hanako-kun: Oh good, I knew she would love it!

Nene: I DON’T!

Hanako-kun: I tried to tell you; there’s a price for everything. Eating the scales put you under the mermaid’s curse. All the fish are her servants, so that explains your look. And the fact that only you ate one; if you had convinced someone else to swallow a scale with you, then the curse would’ve been split between the two of you. Most people under her spell aren’t turned into fish completely. You still would have had some fish-like traits, however.

Nene: Uhnh!

{Caption: Ugh…}

Hanako-kun: The thing is…only the person who consumes the mermaid scale is affected. The reason they’re called “matchmaking charms” is because people under the same curse will share a special bond with one another. You didn’t give this to him. Why not?

Nene: When I thought about what love means, I realized that’s not how I felt about Minamoto. You were right. I wanted someone like him to want me back, but it could’ve been anyone. I just wanted love. I didn’t realize it until now, after I’ve caused all this trouble. I’m the worst.

Mermaid: Well, well…

Nene: Aah!

Mermaid: …isn’t that tragic?

Nene: What’s happening?!

Mermaid: Humans truly are the most foolish creatures. But I’ve brought you a reason to celebrate. From this moment on, you will be serving me! I’ll be so good to you. You don’t need anyone else!

Hanako-kun: Look who’s here. Hello.

Mermaid: Hahahahahaha!

Nene: AAH! THAT FISH HAS A FACE!

Hanako-kun: That fish is the mermaid, and it looks like she’s ready to collect you as her servant. But I’m not done with you. So she’ll have to wait.

Mermaid: MOVE OUTTA THE WAY, KID! HIYAH!

Nene: Hanako!

Mermaid: How adorably pathetic! The little School Wonder boy thought he could best my powers and millenia of experience.

Nene: AAH!

Mermaid: Come to Mommy!

Hanako-kun: Please hold on a second.

Mermaid: Hm?

Hanako-kun: I haven’t had the chance to grant the girl’s wish for summoning me. Let me finish my work. I’ll then leave you to yours.

Mermaid: Silence! Don’t you dare presume to command me!

Hanako-kun: I didn’t. I asked. But now…I have no choice but to use force.

Nene: Awaueh!

Mermaid: SUCH A DISH FOR ME! Aweuagh! I’ve been hit, and by a feeble apparition barely a few decades old? Curse you, School Wonder!

Nene: AAAAAHHHH!

Hanako-kun: Score! Catch of the day!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hanako-kun: She’s gone back to her realm for now. She’s pretty persistent though, so we’ll see her again. But at least we’ve bought ourselves some time to plan our next move.

Nene: I don’t wanna go through that again! Can you keep her away? I just can’t spend my life with that awful, angry sea-witch! This is all because I wanted a boy to like me.

Hanako-kun: Hmhmhmhm! Humans love ghost stories, but they don’t take them seriously until someone gets cursed. You think every spell will work in your favor. I begged you not to eat that scale, didn’t I? You. Did it. Anyway.

Nene: Newauh!

Hanako-kun: I also urged you not to use this on your crush. You listened, which means I can still grant you a wish.

Nene: Awauh?

Hanako-kun: Do you want to be human again? If that’s your wish, I’ll grant it, although there will still be a price.

Nene: Oh…what kind of price?

Hanako-kun: Well, you know I can’t say until it’s done, but I will keep your life as normal as possible. Do you want to risk it?

Nene: Yes! Please turn me back! I wish to be human again! I understand there’s a price, just get me out of here as soon as possible!

Hanako-kun: You got it. It’s done. As for how you’ll be paying me back…you’ll use your body.

Nene: What? Awah!

Hanako-kun: Gulp!

Nene: WAAAAAHHHH! Uweah…

Hanako-kun: As promised, I’ll minimize the curse’s effects on you. You and I have now been linked across the border between this life and the next.

Nene: Awah!

Hanako-kun: It’s time to pay.

(Nene: Neah!)

Hanako-kun: I want…a solid work ethic!

Nene: Huh?

Hanako-kun: Oh wow, what a relief! I was just thinking this would be so much easier if I had a human assistant.

Nene: Hehehehehe!

(Hanako-kun: Hahahahaha!)

Hanako-kun: What’d you think I meant?

Nene: Eheueaheah…

Hanako-kun: Yashiro, you dirty daikon!

(Daikon: Radish → Japanese)

Nene: HUAEAH!

Hanako-kun: Aah, heauh! Oh, duoh…

Nene: You’re hurt? I’m not supposed to be able to touch you.

Hanako-kun: We share a bond now and therefore we’re linked, like I said. You know, the least you could do was go easy on me after I granted you an additional wish.

Nene: Hm? What extra wish?

Hanako-kun: You did say that you wanted somebody to share your feelings, didn’t you?

Nene: Ahuah…

Hanako-kun: Well, now that we’ve entered into a bond, I’m sure we’ll share all sorts of things.

Nene: Um, that’s kind of stretching it.

Nene [narrating]: That’s how we met, and where it all began. I became friends with a ghost boy in an empty classroom, as he held my hands by the red rays of twilight.

Hanako-kun: Oh, by the way…you should let those dry. The moisture makes them flare.

Nene: Huh?

{Caption: Scales}

Nene: Aaaahh! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Radio announcer: Do you ever wonder where the things we’ve forgotten end up, forgotten moments or souls? If we don’t remember them, does that mean they’re gone? Or are they still here in a new form, desperate for us to notice them? Has anyone out there heard this story? The one about Yousei?

#anime #anime transcripts #anime dub transcripts #toilet-bound hanako-kun #toilet-bound hanako-kun dub transcripts

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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #15: Let's Celebrate the New Year! Transcript

This episode has New Years and stollen.

{Text on poster: Once in a Lifetime}

Japan: Italy. I am calling to tell you happy new year.

(Pochi: Mew…mew…)

Italy: Buon anno, Japan!

(Buon anno: Happy new year → Italian)

Italy: It’s so great to hear your voice! Ahaha! And thanks for sending me a card again; it’s so fancy!

{Text on card: Happy New Year!}

Japan: I tried a traditional drawing style this year.

Italy: I don’t know how you do it.

(Japan: Oh!)

Italy: Sending postcards like this every year must be a lot of work!

Japan: Well, I did try using a machine once. I thought it would save time.

{Caption: Flash}

{Text on poster: Once in a Lifetime}

Japan: But it was so fast and easy that I felt I was not doing enough to properly express my gratitude for the year and I decided to start over. It must be my age.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

America: What up! Happy friggin’ New Year, ya big nerd!

Japan: Uh, America! Is something wrong? You do not normally drop by.

Pochi: Arf!

{Caption: Woof…}

America: Oh, The Wolverine, Kill Bill, and Memoirs of a Geisha were on TV this week and it made me wanna come kick it at your place for a bit.

Japan: I don't know what you want to kick, but my place isn’t like those movies at all.

America: After a themed marathon, a themed holiday made sensei, so I did all my research and you can even quiz me!

(Sensei: Teacher → Japanese)

Japan: Made sensei? Well, if you know what to expect, I’m sure you’ll have a good time.

(Sensei: Teacher → Japanese)

America: Yep, that’s kadomatsu, that’s shimenawa, and wow, are these your version of the balls they drop on people’s heads at midnight?!

Japan: Drop on heads? Uh…

America: Or do y’all put confetti all up in these guys?

Japan: No! Are you thinking of money gifts?

America: Nyoom!

Japan: Noooooooo! It shouldn’t make that sound!

(America: Yeah!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

America: Why are you spending New Year’s in this dump? I wanna go somewhere else.

Britain: Then go. You clearly can’t appreciate the history and noble spirit of a place like this. Or the noble spirits. Who are right behind you!

(America: Ahuah!)

America: Haha, very funny. Can we not open the new year with ghosts?

{Caption: Heh, heh}

Britain: Hehe, I’m just messing with you. But you’re normally fearless, so what is it about ghosts that frightens you so terribly?

America: Duh, it’s ‘cause you can’t punch a ghost, you idiot!

Britain: And the fact that you rank things based on their punchability is where you frighten me!

(America: Neuahhhhhh…)

America: Weirds me out that you like those things so damn much. Why don’t you open a ghost-only pub and funnel ‘em all in there?

Britain: You know, I quite like the sound of that. A pub where you can meet the spirits of great historical figures! Tourists would love it!

(Ghosts: Hahahahaha!)

America: Forget a bunch of dusty old historical dudes; pack the place full of super hot, super dead Hollywood stars!

(Ghost celebrities: Hahahahahaha!)

Britain: Exciting though that would be, the budget might suffer at the hands of their appearances.

(Ghost celebrity: I’m a Hollywood star! Oh yes, I’m a big deal. Thank you kindly)

America: All right, then go the cheap and light-hearted route instead.

(Ghost celebrity: Hahahaha!)

{Caption #1: Deadly cute}

{Caption #2: Mascot}

Britain: No, I think Japan already has that particular market cornered.

(Japanese waitress: Come and meet the dead stars!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption: Morning of January 1st, Germany}

Prussia: Hey, rise and shine, kid. The great Prussia is feeling peckish, so go make us some breakfast.

Germany: Ehum…would it kill you to let me sleep in instead of cooking for two?

Prussia: I can compromise. What if you only make breakfast for me?

Germany: Or you can eat that pig-shaped marzipan instead.

{Caption: Bam, bam}

Prussia: I don’t want that one! I hate eating the ones with the faces ‘cause they look like they’re judging me!

Germany: You baby!

{Text on sign: I’ll continue to be cool next year}

{Caption #1: drei!!}

{Caption #2: zwei!!}

{Caption #3: eins!!}

(Drei!!: Three!! → German)

(Zwei!!: Two!! → German)

(Eins!!: One!! → German)

Prussia: Nehehehehehe!

{Caption #4: They went overboard to welcome in the new year}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption #1: Going back in time a little, this is before Christmas}

Japan: When I asked for instructions on how to make stollen, I did not expect for you to teach me personally.

{Caption #2: Stollen}

{Caption #3: German Snack}

Japan: I thank you.

Germany: Don’t mention it. I’m happy to help.

Italy: Ve…

Germany: Und please pay no mind to the taste-tester who came along today.

(Italy: Ehe…)

(Und: And → German)

{Caption #1: Thud, thud}

{Caption #2: Quick, quick}

Germany: First, you knead the dough, und…oh. You’re good, Japan. It’s actually kind of scaring me.

(Japan: Ehumph! Heah heah heah oh! Em em em!)

(Und: And → German)

Japan: I always aim to finish everything I do within three minutes, so…

Germany: Everything?! I can’t believe this, you’ve almost finished the dough already!

(Japan: Em em! Hm, em em! Hm, em em! Hm, em em!)

Germany: Now we must let the dough rest for now.

{Caption: Flop}

Germany: So it can rise and ferment.

(Italy: Oh…ve…)

Japan: Hai.

(Hai: Yes → Japanese)

Japan: I will keep it out of the way.

(Italy: Oh…)

Germany: You must be tired. Why don’t we take a little break?

(Italy: Oh!)

{Caption: Up}

{Caption: Tada}

Japan: But I have this one that was already left to rise.

Germany: Dueh! What kind of witchcraft did you just use?!

Japan: Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm.

Germany: Oh, uh, Japan, you know there’s no need for you to hurry like that, right?

(Japan: Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm)

Japan: Oh, but there is! Time is finite, hai?

(Hai?: Yes? → Japanese)

Japan: So if you use it well, that will expand your possibilities, you see?

{Caption: Smirk…}

Japan: Hm!

Germany: Yes, of course! You weren’t simply hurrying; you had a plan from the very beginning.

Germany’s thoughts: He’s right. I should learn to use my time more wisely like him.

Germany: And so should you, okay?

Italy: Do what?

Japan: Huah, all we have to do now is allow it to bake.

Germany: You’re not going to use magic again?

Japan: No, I will wait for this one, But now I will rest for an hour. Hm…hm…

Pochi: Hm!

Japan: Hmhmhm…

Germany: He’s exhausted. We’ll wait for him to rise.

Italy: Sounds good. Aahahah…neaheh…

(Germany: Snore…)

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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #14: Let's Celebrate Christmas! Transcript

This episode has Krampus, Japan's first Christmas tree, Britain and Japan's Christmas cards, and red underwear.

Italy: Wow, the entire town turns into one big party!

Japan: Hai, but I feel bad our Christmas celebration is so different from what you are accustomed to.

(Hai: Yes → Japanese)

Germany: Well, stop it.

(Japan: Eheuh!)

Germany: You should be proud of the culture you created. We all celebrate Christmas in our own way. If we take a look back through history…

Italy: What?! Don’t give us a lecture; that’s boring! I have a better idea! Wait!

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Italy: If you want to see how other countries spend Christmas, I have pictures I can show you.

Japan: Thank you, I would like that.

Italy: First up is America.

Japan: Hai, he sent me this picture also; he can turn anything into a big, flashy event.

(America: Hahaha!)

(Hai: Yes → Japanese)

Italy: And here’s Australiaaaa!

Japan: Right, southern hemisphere.

(Australia: Haha!)

Demons: Grr…

Italy: Hehehehe!

(Demons: Grr…)

Japan: What?! Is this what Christmas is like in hell?!

(Demons: Grr…)

Germany: Close. It’s Austria.

Austria: Krampus is a horned monster that is most well-known in the areas of Austria and Hungary.

{Caption: Lala la…la la…}

Krampus: Are you kids behaving? Let’s find out!

Austria: It appears just before Christmas to punish bad children before St. Nicolas arrives, which is a tradition some of you dummies could stand to adopt.

(Krampus: Grr…ahahahahaha! Ahahahahahaha!)

Krampus: Raaaaahhh!

(Austria: Euh?)

Voice: Waahhh!

Austria: Ehneah!

Voice: Wah, aahhhhh!

(Austria: Ehn ehn!)

(Krampus: Raahhh!)

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Japan: I do love Christmas trees.

(Germany: Ehm)

(Italy: Ve!)

Japan: I can remember the first time I ever saw one.

{Caption: Around the time Japan opened to the world}

Japan: You want to…decorate a living tree?

Prussia: Of course! It’s tradition; we can’t have Christmas without it!

{Caption: Prussia, who is like an older brother to Germany, came to sign the Treaty of Amity and Commerce between Prussia and Japan}

Prussia: So find me a cool-looking tree! I’m counting on you!

Japan: Ehah…

(Prussia: Counting on you!)

Prussia: Counting on you!

Japan: What to do? It would be very rude for me to pick out a tree at random.

(Prussia: Counting on you! Counting on you!)

Japan: It must be special. A kadomatsu? Or perhaps…ehem…Prussia. I grew this bonsai tree with lots and lots of love and it is very precious to me. Please take good care of it.

Prussia: Woah, that is a cool-looking tree! But still wrong!

Narrator: After Prussia dropped that tannenbaum on Japan, he took matters into his own hands.

(Prussia: YAAAAAAAHHHHHH!)

(Tannenbaum: Christmas tree → German)

Narrator: He felt he wouldn’t rest until he found a fir tree.

Prussia: I won’t rest until I find a fir tree! Ha! Jackpot!

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Britain: Have a look at this, old chap. We received a Christmas card from Japan.

Wales: A Christmas card from Asia?

{Text on card #1: Merry Christmas}

{Text on card #2: Japan}

Wales: Goodness. How exotic.

Britain: It would seem he’s trying to understand and engage with my culture on a deeper level.

(Japan: Ehehehe! Eheheheheh!)

Britain: And in that case…I probably ought to reciprocate in kind.

Wales: I think it’ll be a smashing idea to use your knowledge of his culture and send back a Japanese-style drawing of him.

Britain: Do you think he would like that?! If I got anything wrong, I would feel terribly embarrassed. But I suppose I could give it a try.

{Caption: Draw, draw, draw, draw…}

Britain: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Hey, chum, you’ve seen that hakama thing Japan wears as bottoms, right? Are those trousers, you think?

Wales: It looks more like a skirt to me.

{Caption: Draw, draw, draw, draw…}

Britain: And I know he said they layer their kimonos collars in a certain way…

Wales: I think it’s right over left for men and women are the other way around.

(Britain: Eh-hm, Eh-hm, hm, hm, hm)

Narrator: Nope! Right over left is only for dead people.

Britain: There! All done with Japan! Now, to fill in the background.

Wales: Here’s a picture of some Chinese scenery.

Britain: Eh-hm, eh-hm, hmhmhmhmhm…

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Japan: We have finally deepened our understanding of each other.

{Text on card #1: Fortune}

{Text on card #2: JAPAN}

Japan: But not by much.

Britain: P.S. I didn’t forget to include a ninja; he’s just ninja-hiding somewhere in the trees!

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{Caption: December 31}

Italy: Oh, Germany! I brought a gift to say thank you for being nice to me again this year!

Germany: A surprise present from you on December 31st? Ja, I know what this is going to be.

(Ja: Yes → German)

Italy: Of course you do! ‘Cause nothing says friendship quite like a brand new pair of Santa panties! In Italy, it says that ringing in the new year with a pair of red underwear will bring you good fortune and lots of happiness! Yay!

Germany: Well…there’s actually an ongoing study about how different colors may affect one’s mood and outlook.

Italy: Ve! Come on, I know they’re here somewhere! Auah!

Germany: Ehm…

Italy: Uh, don’t you worry, I’ll be cool; I can fix this. Just turn around for a moment, okay?

Germany: I don’t want the underwear you are wearing!

{Caption #1: Underwear}

Italy: And here to you for supporting Hetalia! Happy New Year!

{Caption #2: Happy New Year!!}

Germany: Don’t sign off naked!

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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #13: Belgium, Luxembourg, Netherlands, and "That" Dog Transcript

This episode has Benelux (Belgium, Netherlands, and Luxembourg).

Belgium: I’m tired of other countries always kicking sand in our faces!

Luxembourg: Sorry. If I were more powerful, I could protect us both.

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Belgium: Ehum…hey, I’m not blaming you, Luxem. I can’t exactly fight back either.

Luxembourg: I know. But do you ever think about how much easier our lives would be if we were able to?

Belgium: Constantly. And if we really muscled up, that would solve everything! Just think about it! Ehem!

Buff Belgium: Ohh!

Belgium: Maybe I should start working out!

(Buff Belgium: Heah! Ehe…)

Luxembourg: Uhn! Please, no! I don’t want you to get all huge and weird and vain!

(Belgium: Wahahaha! Eeeeeheh…ehehewewe…)

Belgium: Getting buff is a lifestyle choice; I won’t have time for anything else! Besides, our big brother’s trying to go the diplomatic route! So let’s have faith in him.

(Luxembourg: Weheheheheheheh…)

Luxembourg: You’re right, of course. It’s wrong for us to sit around whining when he’s out there trying his best every single day. I bet that he’d laugh if he could see us right now.

Belgium: I don’t know, I’ve never seen him laugh.

Belgium’s thoughts: But I know he’s smart and kind, so I’m sure he’d have some words of wisdom for us in this trying time.

Dream Netherlands: Try to stay away from people who say things like, “I don’t know how to ever repay you”, like they’ve never heard of money before.

Belgium’s thoughts: Well, maybe not those words.

Dream Netherlands: Hm?

Belgium’s thoughts: Rather, something more universally comforting and reassuring!

{Text on gold bar: 999.9 GOLD 1000g}

Dream Netherlands: Convert all your money into gold because gold will never betray you.

Belgium’s thoughts: No, not those words either! Forget about money and focus! Remember how he is in everyday life.

Dream Netherlands: Huah. As much as I’d love to go back to my own house soon, I don’t really want to dirty the place up.

Luxembourg: Wait a minute, sis! Why didn’t we think of money? It’s perfect! Haha! If we can’t fight for power, we’ll just have to make boatloads of cash! Then we can buy our own power!

Belgium: Oh, because there’s nothing morally gray about that in the least!

Luxembourg: I’m so glad you agree.

(Belgium: Auh!)

Luxembourg: And now that’s decided, with our powers combined, the Benelux union of Belgium, Netherlands, and Luxembourg can begin our takeover of the finances of all of Europe!

Belgium: Ehah…cool idea, but, uh…maybe you should slow down there and take a breath, Luxembourg.

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Belgium: Ehehem! They’re gorgeous! Hey, big brother! I heard that tulips almost crashed our economy once, is that true?

Netherlands: Ja, it was a major issue.

(Ja: Yes → Dutch)

Luxembourg: They got super popular and the price skyrocketed, but then…

{Caption: Tulips}

Luxembourg: When the bubble popped, growers had more bulbs then they could handle.

Netherlands: Selling leftover bulbs to foreigners was the only way out.

Dream Netherlands: Look, this one’s rare!

Dream France: Yay! That means I need it!

Dream Netherlands: This one’s new!

Dream Britain: Spiffy!

Dream Netherlands: This one’s elegant!

Dream Austria: I’ll take your word for it.

Luxembourg: Just goes to show you the opportunity is everywhere, as long as you can think outside the box.

(Belgium: Neheheah!)

Belgium: That’s our brother for you: fall down seven times, stand up eight, and then find a way to sell the weeds you noticed while you were on your back.

(Netherlands: Hey, you! Buy some flowers!)

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Pochi: Woof!

Japan: Pardon. Miss Belgium?

Belgium: Hm?

Japan: Where can I find Nello’s house and village?

Belgium: Nero’s house?

{Caption: Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus}

Belgium: Oh! I think you’re looking for little Italy’s place!

Japan: Forgive me, I did not explain well.

(Belgium: Ah!)

Japan: I’m looking for the village in A Dog of Flanders.

Belgium: A village in a dog, huh? We have many dogs in Flanders, so I’m not sure where to send you.

Japan: I see. Well, then, can you tell me instead how to find the Cathedral of Our Lady?

Belgium: Yes! That bus will get you there in no time!

Japan: Why Italy’s place? I am not mistaken, this is the Flanders region.

Belgium: A village in a dog…I didn’t know we had a super-fantasy dog like that!

Narrator: This was not the first tourist to ask about A Dog of Flanders.

(Belgium: Hm? Ehum…)

{Caption: A Dog of Flanders}

Narrator: And he would not be the last.

(Belgium: Hm?)

Belgium: So what’s with all the tourists asking about a cathedral and some random dog lately?

Belgian man #1: Well, I can understand why they want to see the cathedral, but every time I try to show them a dog, they say it’s not the right one and eventually just give up.

(Dog: Woof!)

Belgian man #2: I wonder if it’s some sort of secret code.

Belgium: A code? If that’s the case, then…maybe that’s their way of asking us Belgians out on a date! Like, “Hey, good-looking, would you like to see a man about a dog?”!

Belgian man #1: That’s a pretty weak pick-up line, if you ask me.

Narrator: It took a while, but Belgium finally discovered that A Dog of Flanders is, in fact, a book.

Belgium: Oh! The story really does take place here. Hm. Hm, hm. Ehem! Ehemem! Weahehehehe! Heah! Belgians aren’t cold-hearted like that; don’t believe the lies! Eheaheahehaeaah!

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