#and youre stupid but not dumb | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

llamagoddessofficial · 1 year

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Thank you for the commission, @silcatian! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this might be the first time I've written a Swap Sans! 👀 I went the true himbo route

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“TSK! HONESTLY!”

...

Huh. You perked up, at the sound of your boyfriend’s voice- he didn't usually sound frustrated when cooking. Unless his brother had walked in with takeout. You closed your work laptop, getting up off the couch and heading into the kitchen.

“What is it?” You poked your head in. Sans was wearing his post-workout gear, fresh out of the shower, he looked remarkably handsome dressed in just shorts and a loose white top with ‘AWESOME DUDE’ written on the front in very faded black marker. He was holding a still-sealed packet of gnocchi and glaring at it; the stovetop was decorated by a saucepan of almost-boiling water, and a second shallower pan that contained some kind of pleasant smelling creamy sauce.

He narrowed his sockets at the packet, as he put it back on the countertop. “THIS GNOCCHI IS ENCOURAGING THE CONSUMPTION OF CARDBOARD AND PLASTIC! CARDBOARD AND PLASTIC IS NOT HEALTHY FOR HUMANS. THAT, I KNOW. I SHOULD’VE MADE MY OWN PASTA FOR OUR ROMANTIC DINNER! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WOO YOU IF MY COOKING IS FULL OF CARDBOARD AND PLASTIC?”

“... Erm...” You were trying not to laugh. You hadn’t been aware tonight was supposed to be a romantic dinner. “Explain a bit more...?”

He jabbed a finger, accusingly, at the packaging.

“THE TEXT HERE CLEARLY INSTRUCTS ME TO ‘ADD BOX TO BOILING WATER’!”

...

Oh my Stars.

You tried not to laugh. You really did. But you couldn’t help it, a little giggle came out.

“Sans...” You said, moving over to the countertop and picking up the offending box. “I’m pretty sure it means add the contents of the box.”

He glanced over at you, with those beautiful sky blue eyelights. “... REALLY?”

“... Yeah.” You scanned the package, and it just confirmed your suspicions. “You’ve bought a two person gnocchi serving. And you’re reading the part about ‘to serve two’. It just wanted you to use all the gnocchi in the box, boo.”

“HM.” He scratched his chin, but his happy aura didn’t lessen at all. He always took these things in stride. “WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT DOES MAKE A LOT MORE SENSE. I DID THINK IT WAS ODD.”

Your boyfriend was the smartest person you’d ever met, by no stretch of the imagination. But simultaneously, he was one of the most blunt, and easily confused.

He had multiple PhDs. That wasn't a joke, they were framed on the wall, he collected them mostly just for the fun of it. Statistics, mathematics, ‘puzzleology’ or something, a lot of space related stuff you didn’t understand. Numbers went through his head like he was a living calculator, his propensity for puzzles was absolutely unmatched and his eyelights merely had to scan something for him to make the most incredible difficult conclusions with total ease. A Sherlock in his own right. He explained astrophysics, both theoretical and non-theoretical, as easily as if he was explaining the answers to the morning crossword.

... And yet. He once asked you how to spell YMCA. On your first date, he pondered why humans got salmonella from raw eggs, because he thought it came from salmon. The two of you were watching a documentary about a lion pride and he asked if it was ‘based on a true story’.

Honestly? You just loved him more for it. It was funny and endearing. His line about salmonella had made you so giggly (much to his apparent delight) you’d thought about him all day- every Sherlock needs a Watson, right? You were not mathematically gifted, but that was okay. Sans did yours and his brother’s taxes because he just enjoyed crunching the numbers, and meanwhile, you could explain that when the recipe said the steak needed to ‘sit’ for half an hour, it didn’t mean on a chair. The two of you covered each other’s weaknesses.

Your running theory was that he was just too smart. Day-to-day stuff went over his skull, just like academic stuff went over yours. And that was okay. You knew he wouldn’t judge you for struggling with numbers, let alone for not understanding his long enthusiastic tangents about incredibly complex mathematical theories, he knew you wouldn’t judge him when he openly questioned why the plural of foot was feet but the plural of boot wasn’t beet.

...

... To be fair, you didn’t get that one either.

Sans opened the gnocchi and put it on to boil. It only needed a few minutes before it was already done, ready to strain. Sometimes, you just didn’t understand; he was an absolutely incredible cook, on your first date at his place he’d made seared ahi tuna steaks with some kind of delicious sweet lemony sauce, full of complicated flavours you didn’t understand, pulling out all the stops to impress you. It had completely blown your mind, especially when he openly admitted he wasn’t familiar with cooking with human food.

... And at the same time, when he made tacos for his brother, he filled them with glitter.

Non edible glitter.

You strained the gnocchi for him. It always surprised you, how fast the stuff cooked. He added the pasta to the sauce, tossing it all together and throwing in a little sprinkle of something green, then setting it down to reduce.

You leant back against the counter.

“... You know I’m already wooed, right?” You said, softly. “And not just by your cooking.”

“OF COURSE, BOO.” Confident as ever. “BUT I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE RE-WOOED REGULARLY, TO ENSURE YOU FEEL APPRECIATED.”

You felt your cheeks get pinker. “Is that one from your dating manual?”

“NOPE.” He winked. “THAT’S A SANS ORIGINAL. MWEH-HEH.”

He held his hand out. You took it, linking your fingers with his bones and giving a gentle squeeze.

“... Well. Consider me feeling appreciated.”

He beamed. “EXCELLENT! MY DATE NIGHT WAS SUCCESSFUL, AND IT HASN’T EVEN STARTED YET!”

He had you giggling again. He always seemed to.

“Do you wanna eat on the couch? That new black hole documentary is on in twenty minutes.”

“ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO WATCH IT TOO?”

“Absolutely. You might have to explain some stuff to me, though. Like... the whole ‘time slowing down as you fall in’ thing.”

“WELL, IT’S VERY SIMPLE, ACTUALLY!” His eyelights flared up into stars, infectious grin spreading across his cheeks. “IF YOU WERE AN OBJECT APPROACHING A BLACK HOLE, IT WOULD APPEAR AS IF TIME WAS SLOWING AROUND YOU...”

You let him continue, allowing yourself to indulge in another of his tangents. You just liked hearing him talk about something he was interested in.

... He thought it was his cooking, good looks and dating manual advice that had won you over. And they certainly helped. But really... it was this sort of thing that had ‘wooed’ you, in the end.

#commissions #hes dumb but not stupid #and youre stupid but not dumb #a match made in heaven amiright

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just-spacetrash · 2 years

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they should invent falling alseep that doesnt take 3 hours

#i am. strugling #my post #hAvE yOu TrIeD pUtTiNg YoUr pHoNe DoWn YES you dumb piece of shit. you stupid asshole obviously ive tried that #but it didnt work for 3 hrs so now im bacj here #sorry its just every time i ask falling alseep tips its that. like jfc man #like eeeeeeverybody thinks theyre so smart and smug and shit when they say it i just wanna sleeeepppp goddddd

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caramelldansenu · 1 month

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bonus sketches

kittys first sneeze

#art #fanart #drawing #sketch #cult of the lamb #cotl #cotl narinder #it goes on random angry tangents when it feels even a little bit pissed off #lamb: pass the salt please :D narinder: you're useless you cant even get up to get your own salt stupid dumb lazy idiot #shams and the lamb constantly hang out with it so it doesn't feel lonely everytime they see it sitting alone they go; ohhhh :((#it finds this extremely annoying

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puppyeared · 1 year

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obsessive

#did i put more effort into this than i needed to? yes. did i put myself through unnecessary pain drawing fighting scenes? yes #but i learned how to outline my strokes so maybe i won after all #i thought about it and i think it turned out ok drawing the eyes differently. like the way i usually draw em #although i dont know if that says much since i change my art style every couple weeks but eh #had fun playing with grayscale and limited palette. i want to do that more often dhghdg #although idk whens the next time i will have enough energy to commit to the bit and do.. this #theyre fucking stupid your honor. for every art we get of them acting dramatic and yearning (/pos) i make dumb shit like this #equivalent exchange girlies!#lego monkie kid #lmk #monkie kid #lmk shadowpeach #shadowpeach #lmk sun wukong #lmk swk #sun wukong #lmk macaque #lmk six eared macaque #six eared macaque #liu er mihou #my art #myart #doodles #comic #lmk monkey king #lmk fanart

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months

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A new challenger approaches (slowly)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #wen chao #jin zixuan #jiang cheng #lan wangji #tulu xuanwu #Wen Chao's turtlephobia starts now. I wonder if that's ever going to come back into play?#Slight re-ordering of events for the funny punchlines but we're close to getting back on track.#The mianmian stuff happening right after we also have a Torment Tortoise looking for blood makes this scene so chaotic.#A good kind of chaos as it is supposed to be overwhelming and anxiety inducing!#I have been sitting on the idea of the Beast being just a normal turtle with a knife for ages. Years in fact.#It's stupid as hell but that's sometimes what art is. Indulging the past you who would have loved to see the dumb thing be drawn.#Making it canon now that A-Qing's turtle (the one pd-Lan Sizhui found) is a descendant of this turtle.#Maybe she was so defensive because she has eggs she was watching over! How insensitive of these cultivators!#You can insert your own choice of boss music here - I did not grow up playing video games so I have nothing off the top of my head.#I am making a BOTW reference here so you could substitute one of those themes but I find them more melancholic than menacing.

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untitledlez · 8 months

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When I manspread in public, that’s an invitation to sit on my lap in between my legs, so I can show everyone ur my eye candy with ur pretty face n body, n a good girl. then when I slip my hands around your waist n hold you closer to my chest, pecking at ur neck n shoulders, everyone will know ur mine.

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sergle · 6 months

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The body positive/plus size art has been great! But you can’t expect people to think there isn’t a discrepancy when you talk about being that, and then posting the pictures you do. You’re allowed to be average, especially now after the reduction. Super skinny people also have a different experience too. It’s just that you talk about being plus sized and people relate to that and the art and then look at pictures of you, and suddenly feel dysmorphic?

Me when I'm Average and Thin

Me when I'm so so skinny 🧡🧡🧡

#do you have object permanence. are you really this stupid. are you actually a dumbass.#do I need to call your mom to pick you up?#sergle answers #did you dumb cunts forget that the majority of my art is self portraiture.#do you know how stupid you sound when you act like there's a discrepancy between my art and my body #when my art is literally referenced off my body as the model #sometimes practically 1-1 with a photo reference I took myself?#are you really really really this stupid?

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flowerysubmissive · 4 days

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Can we get an ass on sink pic? Maybe in a thong? Don't see it as much these days 😊😍

Ask and you shall receive 🤭💕 (I’ll be posting the rest I took later~<3)

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eruptedinlight · 17 days

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this is how it went, right?

#star trek discovery #st disco #saru #t'rina #saru x t'rina #disco 05x03 #star trek edit #discovery spoilers #dsc shitpost #my stuff #that moment you wish you could shove all the stupid words right back in your mouth #10/10 can relate to this poor dumb boy #this was such a real relationship moment #t'rina ready to read him to filth in her effortlessly cool vulcan way

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rabbitprincessthief · 1 year

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gog i still can't get over minish cap vaati's Everything. He is So Fucking Stupid (affectionate)

Like. This guy's establishing character moment is, in order:

he's introduced as having won an entire tournament to get to touch a magic chest and get a cool sword, which was the prize for said tournament

turns around and does a goddamn evil soliloquy TEN FEET AWAY FROM THE GUARDS who were about to hand him his macguffin on a platter

(like this man fucks up his own horribly planned daylight heist because he cannot keep a lid on the dramatics for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES, IN PUBLIC)

(THE BAR WAS ON THE FLOOR VAATI, FUCKING GANONDORF PLAYS THE PIPE ORGAN FOR HIS OWN BOSS INTRO AND HE STILL KNOWS BETTER THAN THIS SHIT)

proceeds to fight the guards (it is, admittedly, a curbstomp for him, but it still clearly wasn't his plan, because otherwise why bother with the tournament)

gloats evilly

opens chest, unleashing a whole bunch of monsters

exposits out loud about Zelda's powers like a nerd while she is actively charging up her magic powers to kick his ass

RECOGNIZES and IDENTIFIES said magic as the special power carried by the female royal line

completely fails to recognize it as the light force he is currently trying to get his hands on (he spends like 99% of the game not figuring this out.)

petrifies her

(i have no idea if link could have deflected this spell if he had managed to get the right angle with his shield but i like to think somewhere there is a very short and very funny alternate timeline where it happens)

(more importantly: no part of vaati's original presumed plan would have involved doing this. he 100% created this situation for himself by being an dramatic idiot and picking a fight for no good reason.)

looks in the chest

there's no light force

considering his stated goals he might be as confused as you are about the monsters tbh

uhhh

evil laugh

teleports the fuck out

He then proceeds to spend the rest of the game trying to figure out where the light force is and ends up having to wait for Ezlo and Link to figure it out first because he was, as far as I can tell, GENUINELY stuck on this part. He fucking kidnaps and impersonates the King, not for access to Zelda, but to… send guards to go look for the Light Force, presumably because he was either running out of ideas or genuinely thought that would work.

None of the guards even had any idea what he was talking about. He's not even good at impersonating the King. He's already sent like twenty people to the dungeon by the time you get there and it hasn't even been a week. Somehow the game spins this as a cunning plan and clever manipulation or something.

(Meanwhile the guards are just. Poking around in random bushes and shit hoping to find the light force. One of them asks you what you think it might look like.)

Zelda is literally right next to the throne and Vaati does not figure it out until you find an actual honest-to-goodness LORE TABLET spelling out that the Light Force is Stored in the Zelda, at which point he's like "ahahaha you've done my work for me this was definitely my plan all along" and takes over the castle and throws a bunch of monsters at you to stall for time while he figures out how to extract the force from her. Somehow he still doesn't think to actually lock the fucking door.

#vaati #minish cap #loz #mc #he's my stupid little squeak squeak and i love him #meta #op #sorry this got long but i have So Many Words about this little bastard #i think he's a really fun foil to ganondorf tbh -#ganondorf looks like a brute force guy but in practice tends largely toward manipulating and long cons and cunning #the appearance of dumb muscle but is actually refined and clever and skilled while also still being built like a brick wall #vaati looks like a classic scheming squishy wizard guy but actually is just cheating and does almost all his nonsense very directly #and his plans tend to be either Do X / ??? / Profit stuff or barely exist at all #to the point where og four swords is gated primarily by your ability to convince great fairies to help you rather than vaati stopping you #ganondorf is a guy given power who wants a magic wish granting artefact #vaati is a guy given a magic wish-granting artefact who decides he wants more power now actually #vaati has had a significant minion approximately once (shadow link) and that was in shared custody with ganon

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souheki-lovechild · 26 days

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ethereal beautiful meaningful soukoku and cringe fail loser soukoku are two concepts that can and should (and do) coexist

#'please cite your sources'#'gladly!' i say #handing them the entire manga collection and most of the light novels #'here you go!'#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #skk #soukoku #yes i love their breathtaking imagery and divine vibes #(puns entirely intended)#but i also love how absolutely fucking stupid and dumb they can be #they are beauty they are grace they are walking disasters #not disasters waiting to happen #eternally happening disasters #anyway #i am correct #argue with the wall

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withercrown · 8 months

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Shin is like Baylan's chihuahua, small and filled with hate, but when you look into her eyes she's completely vacant

#ahsoka spoilers #shin hati #baylan skoll #i love her your honor #i think she may be stupid #that isn't even a criticism #she's just a dumb small creature

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oifaaa · 1 year

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Honestly with the amount of bullshit dc puts Jason through I think the very least they could do is make him the tallest bat

#Dc #Jason Todd #I just #Between issue 3 of Tim drake Robin #The bullshit that was Robin vs batman #And now that newsest batman issue #It's like hit after hit after hit #If your gonna make out he's stupid angry dumb #Atleast let him be tall bitchs #It's like the lowest bar #But it's the only one that seems to be realistic at this point

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dekusleftsock · 6 months

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Y’all reading the newest chapter scans is like whiplash

I forgot how unhinged he can be, and tbh how much more unhinged he’s currently being.

Anyway Izuku is my favorite character so, sorry y’all, I know everyone is excited about Katsuki

However. Everyone else can talk about Katsuki. I live on my scraps.

Love how Shigaraki tries to get a dig at Izuku about Katsuki like how Monoma did when he unlocked blackwhip, so his immediate reaction is diverge diverge diverge.

Talk about repressed but this is a whole new level.

And his eye bags, they just make him look so exhausted.

I said this before but the chapter after Katsuki woke up Izuku looked relieved to me yes, but also… very scared. Very afraid of Katsuki’s well being.

Especially since, if we compare what Katsuki is doing now (using the pain as an extension of his quirk), you could EASILY COMPARE to when Izuku unlocked danger sense with shigaraki. How concerned and afraid Katsuki was in those chapters.

The thing is though, Katsuki was honest. He was honest that Izuku shouldn’t be doing this on his own, he’s being honest now—“I’m Kacchan of the Bakugou’s!”

He knows how he’s feeling and he’s letting himself feel it.

Somehow, Izuku still isn’t.

Hell, when afo ignores Katsuki, what he does is laugh about how much pain he’s in, but that it’s the key.

Let’s compare how Katsuki is using pain to how Izuku is using pain with danger sense. Let us not forget, danger sense is a physically taxing quirk, much like the rest of ofa. It causes a migraine when in any immediate danger.

Idk about y’all, but I get migraines so bad sometimes I vomit from the buildup of pressure. I can’t focus on anything. I just cant really imagine Izuku using danger sense that well in a fight… yet he does.

And, what exactly is danger sense for? To get out of danger? Maybe to avoid the danger? Ofa is an extension of Izuku’s inner turmoil, every single quirk exhibits this, and it would make so. Much. Sense. For danger sense to mimic his avoidance of emotions and vulnerability.

Katsuki’s quirk as it is now uses pain in a very odd way to me—he doesn’t try to use it to exit himself from the danger or pain, but actively searches for it. The pain is the key.

Danger sense is also a relatively self serving quirk, only really useable for himself. And for him to reference danger sense of all his quirks rn, it would make sense since…

Izuku has been self serving and avoidant since before even this fight. Hell, before even the war arc. Maybe this has gone on his entire life.

I want to hit him so bad for this y’all don’t GET IT.

And, just so we all know, he did this in 348 too. When confronted with emotional conversations, his first thought will always be “but how’s the fastest way I can win this fight?”

MY PROOF YALL IM SO DONE WITH THIS DUDE

“You see I have never once thought about hurting the people I care about like that!” Okay maybe be less boring

HM I WONDER WHY

THATS SO CRAZY DEKU

YOU TELL ME

WHY IS THE GIRL WHO YOU REJECTED AND THEN SAID THAT HER WAY OF LOVING IS SOMETHING YOU COULD NEVER DO TO OTHER PEOPLE (ALSO IMPLYING JUDGEMENT IN THIS STATEMENT), SAD RIGHT NOW?

LETS USE SOME COMMON SENSE PLEASE

I’m hyped for when Izuku is forced to be honest y’all don’t understand. It’s gonna be an angst fest and it’s gonna be romantic and I literally can’t see it not heading down the “explicitly canonical” path.

#is he really your favorite character if you don’t want to punch his jaw #bkdk #midoriya izuku #mha deku #bkdk brainrot #bakudeku #bakugou katsuki #bnha deku #mha analysis #deku midoriya #like I want to hit him so bad sometimes because he’s so smart and so dumb #I wish I could kick him in the gut #call him stupid #tell him what he has to start acting like #and then say I’m sorry bbg you’re so amazing and you could do no wrong #and I’d lie to him with a straight face #<3

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b0ylik3r · 16 days

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#invader zim #iz #zadr #zim #not to MENTION time probably works differently in space considering humans are the ones that came up with the calendars we use #so yea this argument is stupid and dumb and dumb and stupid #go watch etf and shut your mouth

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tswwwit · 3 months

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Though I haven't gone into much detail about Stan and Ford in the Familiar AU, I've thought of something funny.

The Stans went on Unspecified Adventures together when they were younger men. Partners, in fact! And while I'm likely never going to get into the details of their eventual falling out - there's potential in those adventures!

Who knows. Maybe monsterfucking kinda runs in the Pines family, but not the one you'd think.

Stan chatting up a Siren, before Ford has to yank his brother back by the shirt. Wondering where the hell Stan went, only to find him partying with some nymphs in a lake and coming THIS close to being drowned. Hell, maybe when Stan describes one of his exes as a 'shrill harpy', he's being literal about it.

A twenty-something on the prowl and on the adventuring path is gonna run into SO many tempting creatures - and the number of times Ford saved Stan's dumb ass from human-ish ladies would go into the DOZENS.

#this is a shitpost #Not necessarily canon but funny for me to think about #'Holy Moley Look at the bazoongas on that gal!!'#'Stan that's a Medusa. Do NOT look up'#Yes I know Oglaf did that joke but it's still funny to me #There's so many mythical beings that are basically DESIGNED to tempt straight men and you know Stan stumbled into a bunch of them #Ford out here with face in hands watching Stan flirt with a lady then having to save his dumb brother's ass #For the love of god Stan do not follow strange women into bogs because 'she really digs me!'#She's going to eat your bones Stanley. No not like that. Please.#That's all in the past but it certainly makes for some memories #Dipper meeting or hearing about one of Stan's Exes and going Dude what the Hell #Oh Yeah?? Like Dipper's one to talk #Said with a meaningful glance at Bill's stupid grinning face

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