#and well i will prolly end up in that hole again maybe even this year. but maybe ill have something to pull me out | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

luminnara · 3 years

Note

I wonder what Dick would be like trying to flirt on the lead up if the mission, trying to be smooth and cool before screaming next to Weasel. The back track of trying to be cool again after than freak out would be glorious and I would probably fall for it, lol

Dick Hertz x fem!reader

This ended up way longer than intended and I am not mad about that lol

Sfw but raunchy!

Requests for oneshots and HCs are open!

You were no stranger to the concept of the suicide squad.

Thanks to your own colorful past, and powers that you couldn’t always quite control at first, you were stuck serving out a long ass sentence at Belle Reve, the shittiest shit hole of them all. Your only escape from the mundane, high-security monotony was the occasional mission from Waller.

The Suicide Squad—more officially known as Task Force X—was the latest installment in Amanda Waller’s series of highly classified, top secret, black ops teams. She chose Belle Reve’s most infamous criminals, many of whom had extraordinary powers and even more extraordinary reputations, and tossed them together on incredibly dangerous missions. You knew she didn’t care whether you lived or died, but successfully completing such impossible tasks always cut time off your sentence, and with nothing else to do with your time, you always thought it was worth the risk.

And besides...you hadn’t died yet.

So when Waller approached you during your daily yard time, you already knew what to expect.

“Yeah, yeah.” You grumbled as you followed her into the exam room and plopped down in the same old chair. “I know the drill. I go off mission, you blow my brains out.”

“—with the explosive device implanted in the base of your skull. Correct.” Waller said, unimpressed.

“And what, you have to give me a fresh one?” You raised an eyebrow as the doctor made you lean forward. “Lose the button for the last one or something? Or are you afraid that just one won’t do the job?”

Waller looked even less impressed. “I suggest you put a lid on that attitude today.”

“Why?” You winced at the feeling of a thick needle pushing into the back of your neck. “Jesus, fuck! Seriously, how many little bombs do I need in my head?”

“Good luck, puppy.” The doctor sneered as you stood up to follow Waller back out into the corridor.

“This is a black ops mission.” She continued with her usual spiel. “Your commanding officer is Colonel Rick Flag.”

You gasped. “The Colonel Rick Flag?”

She turned to glance at you.

“I have no idea who that is.”

You could hear her sigh in exasperation. “Suit up and go outside to the transport. You’ll meet the rest of the team and fly out to Corto Maltese.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Yeah, the Suicide Squad was a nice distraction from your shitty everyday life...but putting your ass on the line for someone who didn’t give a shit whether you lived or died, and who was always hovering above the button that would splatter your brains all over the wall, wasn’t exactly the greatest feeling in the world.

Waller waited as you ducked into a room to change. There was a black box waiting for you, and upon opening it, you couldn’t help but grin at the sight of your old gear. The dark gray leather suit fit like a glove, and your gun had been cleaned and polished after your last mission, the painfully bright fluorescent lights reflecting off of the barrel with a gleam. You grabbed your gloves and strapped your ammo belts on before buckling a gray carbon fiber mask on.

Wearing your own stuff always lifted your spirits. It was the suit you’d been arrested in a few years ago back in Metropolis, and after seizing it, the feds had been nice enough to give it some upgrades with newer tech. Anything to make you a better government-sanctioned killing machine, you guessed, and it’s not like you were gonna turn it down. After all, killing was how you ended up in Belle Reve in the first place, and it was one of the only things you were good at...it just made sense for Waller to want to put your near-inhuman skills to good use.

You walked out to join her again, lugging a canvas bag of equipment and supplies along behind you.

“Pick that up and carry it correctly.” She snapped as the doors at the end of the hall opened.

“Why don’t you eat my—“

You interrupted yourself by groaning at the bright sunlight as it hit your eyes, raising a hand to shield your face as you managed to spot an armored truck waiting for you.

“You’ll have a lot of new teammates.” Waller called after you. “Be on your best behavior. I’m not responsible for anything they do to you.”

“Probably just a bunch of old farts like always!” You yelled back as you jumped up into the back of the vehicle.

Two guards sat down on either side of you as you got yourself settled in. There was another woman already waiting, her skin orange, her hair in a high ponytail that seemed to be pulled through the top of her helmet. She was regarding you with very little interest, and that was absolutely fine with you. You had a few friends within the Belle Reve prison complex, and you weren’t necessarily looking for more.

The ride was short and uneventful. You passed through a few gates that took forever to open, waited for a few security checks, the usual shit. When the truck came to a halt and you hopped out again, you were at a small airbase hosting a few hangars for planes and helicopters, one of the latter already sitting outside. Guards from Belle Reve were lining the circle of armored vehicles, and as yours joined them and the back doors were opened once more, you grimaced at the bright sunlight.

“Afraid of a little sun?” The orange woman laughed, baring her teeth at you.

“Hurts my eyes,” you mumbled, jumping down after her.

You landed on pavement, looking down at your feet in an attempt to avoid the oncoming headache you knew was imminent. When your shoulder rammed into someone, though, you had to look up anyway.

What you saw wasn’t exactly what you were expecting.

A good looking blond guy was looking down at you, a cocky grin on his face. “Whoa, didn’t realize we were getting a babe this time!”

You glared at him, grateful for the mask covering the lower half of your face.

He couldn’t see you blush that way.

“Little girl’s got some ammo, huh?” He reached for one of the belts strapped across your chest,

Your hand flew up to grab his wrist and you held him in a Vice-like grip, your glare more pointed now. “Touch me, and you can see some of it from behind your eyeballs.”

Blondie whistled lowly, relaxing his arm. “You’re tough, huh? I like that in a girl.”

You dropped his wrist and rolled your eyes. “Still gonna like it when I’m ripping your balls off?”

You could swear he was swooning on his feet. “Baby, you are a goddamn tease...”

“Oy, Dickhead!” An Australian voice rang out, “back off!”

His grin faltered for a moment, obvious disappointment flashing over his face. “Oh. Got a man already. Damn.”

“Who, Boomer?” You grinned, unclipping your mask as you turned to wave at one of your only friends. “Nah, I’d never fuck that wanker.”

“I heard that!” The gold-toothed Aussie yelled.

You let out a loud laugh as you looked back to blondie.

You were caught off guard by the actual, genuine look on his face. He was admiring your smile now that your mask was off, his eyes lingering on your lips for a fraction of a second longer than they should have. He was trying to be smooth, you could tell, and most people wouldn’t have noticed something so slight...but you were an assassin working your way through a couple life sentences, and you weren’t most people.

It all only lasted a moment before the cocky grin was back. “So, after this, you wanna come back to my cell, maybe we could, you know...” he waggled his eyebrows at you, making a hip thrusting motion you almost couldn’t believe a grown criminal was making.

“Maybe focus on not dying first, slim.” You patted his chest before turning towards Boomer, leaving blondie to stare after you—or more precisely, your ass—with a dramatic, longing look.

Your friend was regarding you with an amused expression. “Flirtin’ on the job? Didn’t think you had it in ya.”

“Shut up.” You punched his arm a little too hard and he winced. “Who is that guy, anyway?”

“Dick,” Boomer said, rubbing his arm.

“Don’t call me a dick—“

“No, dumbass, that’s his name. Richard Hertz.”

“...very funny, Boomer, but there’s no fucking way his parents named their kid Dick Hertz.”

Boomer shrugged. “Believe me or don’t, I don’t care. Either way, it’s the truth.”

You scoffed and stole a glance over at your new admirer. He was tall and pretty well built, platinum blond hair short, lips pulled back in a grin that showed off straight white teeth. He was dressed in all black, two guns holstered to his chest, and as he messed with a Belle Reve guard by pretending to reach for one, he looked like an overgrown child who should not have been allowed to hold onto firearms.

“Please tell me he’s got a cooler name,” you groaned.

“Why? So you can scream it at night?” Boomer cackled. “He goes by Blackguard. He’s pretty strong from what I hear. Prolly pretty fun in bed, too.”

You wrinkled your nose and rounded on Boomer. “Shut up.”

“You like him.” Your friend grinned. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me. Just remember to name your kid after good ol’ Uncle Boomer.”

You gave him a rough shove and he stumbled back a few steps, laughing like a madman the entire time.

“Hey!” One of the guards barked at you.

Rather than pushing your luck with your armed babysitters, you huffed and crossed your arms over your chest. More cars were pulling up, dropping off the rest of your comrades, and while Boomer was distracted with them, you stole another glance at Dick.

He was still messing with the same guard, and was receiving some harsh warning glares in the process. Was he a complete idiot, or was he so cocky because he could actually handle it? He had to have ended up in Belle Reve for a reason. It wasn’t the type of place you went to for innocent misdemeanors. And if he was chosen for a Suicide Squad mission, that meant that his sentence was long enough to warrant risking his life to lessen it...and it also meant that he was useful.

When he winked at you, you realized with a start that he had totally noticed the way you were checking him out.

Fuck.

“Time to load up!” A voice yelled, saving you from any further embarrassment.

A few minutes later, you were strapping yourself into your seat on the chopper, pretending not to notice as Dick struggled with his seatbelt across from you. The guy sitting next to him had to help, and when you finally couldn’t help yourself, you let out a quiet laugh from behind your mask.

Dick’s head shot up to look at you, that cocky grin plastered to his face again.

“Wish you were over here helpin’ me,” he said bravely. “Rather have your hands down by my—“

“Dick.” Colonel Flag warned as he stood above you all with his gun in his hands.

Boomer let out a loud laugh at the unintentionally dirty euphemism and you snorted.

“What? Just makin’ some conversation,” Blackguard said, leaning towards you with a wolfish glint in his eyes. “You don’t mind, do ya, Princess?”

Your cheeks were heating up behind your mask, and he could see the way your eyes crinkled slightly with your smile.

God, he wished he could see your smile again.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late!” A familiar voice said. “Had to go number two.”

“...Good to know.” Flag sighed as none other than Harley Quinn herself hopped in.

“Harley!” You called, reaching for her with grabby hands as she looked for her seat.

“Hey there, baby!” The pale blonde woman greeted, slamming her equipment bag into Savant’s head. “Hey, Boomer!”

“What’re you doin’ back in prison, Harls?” Boomer asked, hanging onto the nylon mesh cage behind him as he stretched his arms out.

“Got road rage. In a bank.” She finally found a spot between you and Javelin, and as Flag checked everyone over, the chopper took off into the air.

The lighting was dim and red, the thrumming of the helicopter blades blending in with the white noise of the pressurized cabin. Save for that, it was quiet for a while, everybody either sizing each other up, or, in Dick’s case, imagining how you looked under your suit.

“So, uh...how much longer you in for?” He asked you.

You raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because I don’t exactly think I should be talkin’ about sneakin’ into your cell while Flag is here to rat me out about it,” Dick grinned.

You caught the colonel rolling his eyes.

“Hey, that never stopped anybody,” Harley said brightly.

“Boutta be in a whole big ass jungle,” Boomer elbowed you in the side. “Plentya room in there to be alone.”

You groaned as Dick gave you a sly grin.

“Y’know, this mission’ll be over in no time.” He said, stretching his arms out behind his head. “I’ve got some wicked ass powers. I got this.”

“Oh yeah?” You asked, recognizing the way he was trying to peacock and impress you. “Not worried about anything?”

“Baby, I’ll carry this whole team. Just you watch.”

“I’m looking forward to it, Dick.” You bit his name out as more of an insult, but he didn’t seem to care, giving you another wink.

He obviously thought that his flirting and posturing was working...but you were pretty sure he was just annoying. Cute, but annoying. Maybe good for a hook up here or there...but that was about it.

“We’re in a butcher’s freezer, Harls!” Boomer called from the other end of the bench. “Surrounded by dead hogs hangin’ on hooks. Only they don’t know it yet.”

“Leave ‘em alone, Boomer!” She called back with a laugh.

You chuckled at your friends, leaning your head back as you settled in for the flight. Harley was complimenting Javelin’s accent, you still didn’t know what TDK stood for, and Boomer was just starting to mess with him about the fact that all names were made of letters when the freaky weasel-thing next to Dick stole everyone’s attention.

It was one of the strangest creatures you had ever seen. Human height, covered in mangy brown fur, with big bulging eyes and a mouth full of sharp little teeth all made it both fascinating and concerning to look at, and as it made a few disgustingly wet retching sounds, Dick nodded towards it.

��Yo, is this a dog?” He asked.

“...What?” You asked in disbelief. He had to be fucking with you, right? There was no way he meant it.

“Is this thing a dog?” He repeated.

“A...a dog?”

“Yes.”

“What...what kinda dog do you think it is, mate?” Boomer asked.

“I dunno, I’m not familiar with all the breeds.” Dick gave him an incredulous look.

“I’m gonna go with Afghan hound.” TDK said.

“Since when does an afghan hound have bloody thumbs?”

“Oh my god, is it a werewolf?” Harley asked excitedly. “I’ve wanted to meet a werewolf for ever!”

Dick was already up and struggling against his restraints. “Yo, they sat me next to a werewolf?!”

“That’s not right,” TDK agreed as his neighbor slammed into him in his desperate attempt at an escape.

Boomer was laughing loudly, and you couldn’t help but join in. “You’re seriously scared of werewolves?”

Dick glanced up at you as he tried to unbuckle his seatbelt. “Yes, I fuckin’ am! So fuckin’—get me out! I do not fuck with werewolves, there is no fuckin’ way—“

“Maybe you should hop onto your new girlfriend’s lap!” Boomer cackled, jabbing a finger towards you.

“Poor baby,” you cooed, and as you saw the look in Blackguard’s eyes, you were pretty convinced that he was about to try to tear his way out so that he actually could.

“Hey, hey, he’s not a werewolf!” Flag yelled over the commotion. “He’s a weasel, he’s harmless! I mean, he’s not harmless, he’s killed 27 children, but I—I think we got him to—I think he’s agreed to this, so relax.”

“Thought you were super tough?” You asked as Dick calmed down and caught his breath. “Gonna carry the whole team?”

Rather than the snarky flirtation you expected, he actually looked a bit defeated. When you raised an eyebrow, though, he took the prompt, and the most desperate backtracking you had ever seen began.

“Yeah, well...” he scoffed, trying to give you a cool look. “Caught me off guard, that’s all. No big deal.”

“Off guard? Isn’t guard, like, in your name?” You teased, your smile genuine behind your mask. Alright...he was winning you over now. He was an idiot, but...maybe he was a lovable one.

He faltered for a second. “I-I mean, yeah, well...”

Flag was shaking his head. “Get into position to drop!”

Everyone unbuckled themselves and collected their things, lining up to jump into the ocean off the coast of Corto Maltese. When you saw that Dick was back to struggling with it, again, you smiled to yourself and leaned down in front of him.

“For what it’s worth...” you said as you pulled up on the metal tab, your hand dangerously close to his crotch, “I wouldn’t mind shacking up somewhere in the jungle with you.”

He stated at you with wide eyes, disbelief written all over his face. He really was cuter when he wasn’t putting on such a dumb, cocky facade, and he jumped up as quickly as he could to follow you.

You just laughed as you straightened up and walked away, Blackguard right on your heels. As the door opened and the big, dark ocean came into view below you, you felt a hand brushing against your hip and a firm chest press up against your back. You realized you could have stayed right there forever, patiently waiting to see how far he was brave enough to go...but you were both members of the Suicide Squad, and you had a job to do.

“I’ll see you down there, Dick,” you said, turning your head slightly to glance at him.

“See you on the other side, baby,” he grinned.

#dick hertz #dick hertz x reader #richard hertz #Richard hertz x reader #blackguard x reader #blackguard #the suicide squad #the suicide squad x reader

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peaches-writes · 3 years

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full circle

description: even if you’ve only known him for eight years, if you think about it, you’ve actually been with minho for most of his entire life. member: minho / lee know genre: fluff, historical au, vampire au, time traveler au, college au, neighbour au, best friends to lovers au, fem reader, this is a longer and revised version of reliable source word count: 10k warnings: explicit language, mentions of animal murder, war, death, blood, alcohol note: yay a third entry to the seven hundred and one universe! oc from seven hundred and one universe is named shiyeon here while the oc from kart rider is named soojung! + this prolly has a lot of plot holes & is just generally mediocre but whatever it’s fiction lmao + @skzwriternet

present: February 13, 2020

Even before he saw you on the other side of his apartment door at 9 PM with all of your work materials and equipment, Minho already knew full well that this day was coming. He’s always known most days are coming. He‘s just more excited for this in particular than the rest, given its inevitability that he‘s lived through for almost 600 years of his total 900 years as a vampire. Tonight, as evidenced by the Google Docs displayed on your open laptop, is the night you’d travel to the past for your doctorate thesis and meet his past self for the first time.

He just didn’t expect this in particular to be on the day right before Valentine’s Day, when he and his two other housemates have decided to make a complete mess out of the kitchen with all of the chocolate they’ve been trying to make.

“Hi, sorry for bothering you at this hour but I was thinking—ew, what’s that smell?” You instinctively and bluntly ask first, sniffing the air escaping his side of the door. Minho could smell it too, strongly at that, and the older vampire could only purse his lips and widen his eyes at you. “Are you guys—please don’t tell me you’re actually cooking humans this ti—“

At that, he immediately shakes his head and breaks out into a nervous laugh, pulling the door closer to his body and effectively hiding Jisung scrambling around for the exhaust (and maybe the fire extinguisher too, for some reason) before you could peer over his shoulder. “No, no! It’s just Jisung and Jeongin—well, it’s mostly Jeongin then he dragged Jisung in on it—they’re making Valentine’s Day chocolates for...some people.”

You could sense the slight bluff in his tone (supported further by the little heart-shaped candy on his cheek) and that at least one of those ‘some people’ he could possibly be referring to is one of your friends, Nari, whom Jeongin has not-so-discreetly been pining over since your second year of college, but you easily let it slide. In the eight years you’ve known the vampires who live and own your apartment complex, after all, you’ve definitely walked in on much wilder things than a couple of questionably burnt chocolates (chocolates aren’t even cooked, as far as you’re concerned!). “Um, okay, sure, I’ll trust you with that.” You squint your eyes at him. “Anyway, can I come in? I need your help with something.”

Minho exhales a small sigh of relief which he turns into a smile for you before looking over his shoulder once to make sure that the coast is clear then opening the door wide once again. “Yeah, come on in.” He concludes next, picking up your backpack on the floor and your heavy laptop in your hands as you cross the threshold. “But it’s really messy in the common area right now so we’ll have to stay in my room, if that’s okay with you.”

You’ve never been in his room, not even when you first became friends in your first year of college eight years ago or on game nights when he always asks for help taking out his Play Station sets. All of Jisung and Jeongin’s jokes of his serial killer tendencies when you’re not around could be true for all you know and it’s the only thing going through your head as you wordlessly follow him inside his apartment, pondering on the thought.

In response, Minho bites down a laugh between his teeth next to you as he accidentally reads your thoughts and when you catch him in the act, you make sure to elbow him with your freer arm, careful of your drafts binder. “Ya, stop reading my thoughts without permission, you asshole!” You scold him in a sharp hiss right as you pass Jisung and Jeongin in the open doorway leading to the kitchen. You greet the two courteously and even make a salute to the fallen chocolates, to which Minho laughs even more at and the two boys groan in protest. “Well, shit, it really is...bad.”

“I know, poor people who’ll get that tomorrow.” Minho shrugs.

“You could say Nari, it’s fine, I won’t tell.” You shrug back with a laugh, taking this time to take the candy off of his cheek and walking past him and the other two boys with a parting wave before Jeongin could even process that you caught up to him and his crush so easily.

Minho, meanwhile, clears his throat awkwardly and follows you, in a poor attempt to hide his immediate flustered expression. Some of the chocolates were actually for you but he won’t tell you that too, of course.

Especially not when you arrive in his room not long after, nodding in approval at its cleanliness that clearly contrasts the current state of his kitchen and, by a slight extension, living room. “Glad you to know you don’t murder people in your room, Min. See? We get closer as friends would every day.”

“I’ve been on blood bag and animal diet since we met, you brat. Don’t tease like that.” Minho rolls his eyes, prompting you to laugh.

“So, where do I work, then?” You ask after, turning to Minho on your side and accidentally brushing your shoulders together.

He gestures to his work table in response, naturally placing his other hand on your back and guiding you towards it. He really hopes you’d be oblivious to the way he’s growing more flustered this time. He doesn’t let you in his room for a reason, after all (that being it’s too intimate in his opinion). “You can use my desk.” He instructs you after, following you and pulling an extra chair for himself once you’ve reached his desk. Placing your backpack next to his work bag then your laptop on top of the table, he then asks, “So, are you travelling now or later?”

He already knew you’d do it sometime now, he really just wanted to ask to keep the conversation going. He even has your hanbok ready—bought from Changbin’s wife’s shop last month.

But, to you, he seems to have miscalculated the situation a little bit as a realization dawns on you while you’re taking out the portable time travel machine from your backpack. It’s actually just a watch but your professors insist on keeping them in really fancy boxes. “I can do it now if it’s oka—wait, I haven’t even told you that part yet! How do you know I’m not just going to hoard your wi-fi?” You exclaim mid-thought, your mouth falling agape and forming an ‘o’ shape in surprise. You know he wasn’t reading your mind just now because, usually, Minho would announce his presence obnoxiously loud in your head or make the face he did a while back but he didn’t this time. “So you’re going to agree to my request? Is that it?”

Eyes equally wide in his mistake, Minho falls back in his chair and ends up fumbling around with his words. “Well—no, I mean, you always only need my help when you’re about to time travel so—!” He tries his best to cover up which only elicits a victorious smile from you. “Ugh, fine, you got me!”

“So, you’ll help me? I mean, past you, technically.” You ask again for confirmation, sitting down on your own chair this time as you fully take out the portable machine and place it on your lap. “I have to tell you, though, that I need to travel to three other periods for my thesis this time. Is that okay?”

Minho props his elbow on the arm rest and nods against his knuckles. “You already know the answer to that, I think.”

You chuckle at this. If eight years of knowing him has taught you anything, it’s to pay attention to the smallest details. He’s clairvoyant, after all, and you need to up him at his own game every now and then somehow. “Then, I’ll also need the proper attire. Haseul said that she can’t take in commissions at the moment so I couldn’t—“

“In the closet, furthest right.” Minho gestures to the walk-in closet behind him in defeat. “You can use that for all the times you’ll go, too.”

“Have I told you that you’re my bestest friend in the world today? Even more than Nari, and she’s a witch, might I add!” You dramatically announce with a grin, handing him the machine’s box before standing up and making a beeline to the double doors on the other side of his bed. When you follow his instructions and find a pink and blue hanbok along with a floral hairpin on the very end of his closet, you then take it out and head to the open bathroom across the room. “Oh, wow, you even got my size right! You must’ve been preparing for this for a long time, huh?”

He really has—but, again, Minho is too stubborn to admit it to your face. “Just tell me if it’s uncomfortable or something.” He simply replies to you instead before you could close the door and change. Once he hears you acknowledge him with a hum before clicking the door to a lock, he then quickly prepares the time travel watch for you (by the way he remembers you doing it in front of him countless of times while you were cramming for a school requirement with him) then places it next to your laptop in exchange for his phone to message the rest of his friends.

minho [9:13 PM]: its happening

chan [9:14 PM]: you’re confessing?

hyunjin [9:14 PM]: hey that’s great! good for you hyung!!!

minho [9:16 PM]: no! y/n’s making the travel to 1388!

changbin [9:18 PM]: chan u know not to get ur hopes up w minho alr we all know he’s hopeless

minho [9:21 PM]: just bc ur alr married u brat

Changbin was still typing out a reply in the groupchat when you came out of the bathroom in your hanbok, laughing behind your hand when Minho looks up and momentarily gapes at you. “Why are you looking at me like that, weirdo?” You furrow your brows as you approach, smacking his arm before sitting down on his bed right behind him with a slight struggle. Peering over his shoulder, you smile appreciatively at noticing the time machine already set up. “And I see you’ve set up the machine without breaking anything this time! Progress!”

Minho scoffs, swiveling his wheeled chair to face you properly before gesturing to the hairpin in your hands. “You don’t like the hairpin?”

"I don’t know why you’re making me wear a hairpin that looks like a wedding heirloom.” You frown. Not to mention, from it’s material, you could tell that it’s new as well, meaning it was designed this way on purpose. “Won’t it attract too much attention?”

Minho doesn’t know why you eventually came to him in the past wearing the hairpin too. He thought his future self was being ridiculous then (and he still does in the moment). “I don’t know, either,” He tells you truthfully this time, standing up from his chair to place it on your tightly-made bun. “But you did come wearing it eventually so just go with the flow, I guess? I don’t know, what do your sci-fi movies say?”

You scoff at him, puffing out the heat rising up to your cheeks at the proximity. He could read your mind if he wants to but he doesn’t seem to be in the moment, even when his lips are gently fanning air into your ear as he fixes the hairpin with utmost care. “I guess I’ll just have to follow your instincts, then.” You sigh in defeat. “I can’t miss a detail, even if it’s weird.”

“Right. I was there in the moment before you right now.” He smiles cheekily before sitting back down on his chair, passing you your time travel box after. “Ready to go?”

You nod, fixing your collar one last time before receiving the machine from his hands. “You haven’t met me in the 1388, right?”

“The first time you met me in the past was in the 1910s for that graduate thesis of yours and the oldest version of me that you’ve met so far was the one from the the 1740s.” Minho corrects, recalling your fourth year thesis some eight years ago. “But the first time I met you in my history was for this doctorate.”

Your eyes light up at this. “Really? You’re meeting me for the first time now?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“We’ll have differing first impressions after this!” You point out to which he snickers. “Also, I haven’t met this version of you, you might be a snob in 1388 and think I’m weird or something.”

Minho personally doesn’t think his first impression of you will ever change, no matter when you’ll meet in time. He’ll always think positively of you. “I was already turned for a long time, then. I haven’t met Chan and the others but I’ve seen and heard of weirder things than a time traveler.” He assures you. “Now, go, so I can help Jisung and Jeongin in the kitchen.”

Rolling your eyes, you then set the date to January 1388 (you notice Minho’s already set the location while you were in the bathroom) before bidding a temporary goodbye to him, disappearing into thin air with the watch on your wrist right after. “I’ll be back before you know it!”

In the blink of an eye, you’re already in a flea market somewhere in Seoul (then named Hanseong, you made sure to remember that well out of all of your history and anthropology notes).

past: January 1388

You easily find 1388 Minho wandering around the flea market, a crowd of court men and women following him religiously as he examines the crops, livestock, and flowers being sold in stalls. The sight makes you scoff in disbelief, even more when you approach and see how he ignores each and every one of them up close.

You know Minho isn’t the one of royal blood in his current coven of vampires (that’s Hyunjin—you know it well from the amount of times you’ve pestered him in your other time travels while he was sulking over his present day fiancée) but he has mentioned in passing once about being popular in the palace court, a socialite of his time if you will.

But then, who could blame him? He’s just that handsome and charming.

“Minho...Lee Minho...” You try calling for him in the crowd but to no avail, the slight embarrassment of following the crowd creeping up to you. It reminds you a bit of when you first saw him in your timeline, your first year of college and his fourth year (because Chan keeps insisting that he goes to university every now and then to pass the time) when all kinds of students would also follow him around at the campus library. It’s annoying, regardless of wherever you are in the world timeline. “Excuse me, Lee Minho!”

He only turns to you when you raise your voice, an eyebrow momentarily raised until your eyes meet and a look seemingly of recognition crosses his features.

You became friends with him as an older vampire but why is he more intimidating as a younger one? It’s probably the rest of the crowd’s eyes being on you because of your sudden interruption. Either way, you forcibly gulp down your nervousness and call for him again. “Lee Minho?”

“Yes?”

“C-Can I—Can I talk to you for a moment?” You gesture for him to follow you, his piercing gaze making your hands shake a bit. This is probably what Chan meant when he said Minho was a bit scary when he first met him in the 1400s.

Minho follows you, anyway, which alleviates and heightens your nervousness at the same time. The crowd would’ve followed if not for him glaring at them not to right before you turned to the main entrance of the flea market where a few people were loitering around at. He feels like he knows you from somewhere which, if you knew about, you’d tell him that that’s impossible since, chronologically, you haven’t met him before this.

Once you’re away from the majority of the market crowd, only then do you turn to properly face him and his expectant eyes. He’s still looks the same as he does in the present, just more curious, seeing as you’re a stranger for now. It’s comforting, somehow, so much so that it relaxes you and eventually makes you laugh as well.

“What’s so funny?” He asks you without any hint of malice once you uncontrollably burst into giggles, prompting you to lift your hand up to your mouth. Already developing his clairvoyant abilities at this time period, he could easily tell by the unfamiliar terms in your thoughts and the way you hold yourself up that you were different—far more different than everyone around you. “And who are you?”

You wave your other hand dismissively, taking a step back to recuperate. You end up giggling a few more times before you could manage to take a deep breath and exhale slowly by turning your eyes away from Minho momentarily. “I’m sorry, I’m Y/N and I—sorry! It’s just so...it’s a bit weird!”

“Definitely.” Though your answer is unsatisfactory, the boy nods anyway. “And how do you know my name?”

“I know you from the futur—wait, you can tell that it’s a bit weird too?” You raise an eyebrow and fold your arms over your chest. “It’s…sometime in the 1300s—“

“Thirteen eighty-eight.”

“Right.” You nodded at his correction with a dry scoff, piquing his interest further. “It’s only 1388 and you’re already this good of a clairvoyant?”

Minho was instinctively taken aback with you. His present self forgot to tell you that clairvoyance doesn’t have an established name in this time yet. “How did you—? What? Huh, well…the hanbok—the hanbok’s a bit of a giveaway too, I guess. It looks different from what the court women usually wear.”

You then briefly glanced down at your hanbok, a pout resting on your features when you look back up at Minho again. “Really? But you—I mean, my source told me that this was accurate.” Come to think of it, you didn’t really check the attire thoroughly since you really needed to travel immediately to cram your paper. You’ll have to give 2020 Minho an earful about this later. “Ah, guess it’s my fault for not double-checking. I was in a bit of a rush to come here.”

Minho from 1388, however, shakes his head at you in disapproval then briefly begins pointing out the different design patterns that looked foreign to him. “And this hairpin,” He pointed your hair accessory last, from what you can remember at present. There’s an unreadable expression in his face, one you’re too flustered to interpret as amusement. “This looks like a wedding heirloom but…a bit futuristic for my time, if that makes sense. I don’t suppose you wanted to come here disguised as someone’s wife, right? That’d attract more attention to you.”

And with that, you almost immediately deflate right in front of him with a defeated sigh and he smirks teasingly in return. To the passersby at the flea market, people could’ve easily mistaken the two of you for a quarreling married couple. “So that’s how it is.” You surrender easily, your arms loosening. “I guess even at this time you’re clairvoyant and smart. How annoying.”

His smirk grows even more triumphantly at this. “So, why did you come here?” He asks next. He figures out halfway through your rambles that it’s probably better to go along with you than to insist on his own questions, at least until you’ve organized your thoughts a little bit better.

You ponder on the question for a moment, shifting your weight between the balls of your feet to pass the time. When you do answer, you explain, “Well, it’s a little crazy but my source has said that you’ll be okay with it so...believe it or not, I’m from the future and doing my doctorate thesis on a dynasty that’s about to establish itself around this time.” When 1388 Minho doesn’t immediately and visibly freak out as he would on your worst case scenario, you take this as your cue to continue. “You’re still alive in my time but I can’t tell you what our relationship is or it’ll be spoilers! All I can say is that you’ve helped me passed a lot of my major requirements in school and if you’re okay with it, you can help me with this one too!”

The Minho in front of you thinks that you probably know him very well to know that he’s not easily spooked with anything out of the ordinary, not even by someone who claims to be from the future and is doing an academic paper about the past. You did mention knowing his personal history, as well, which effectively gained you his trust. He just hopes you’re not married or something in the future as the hairpin seems to be trying to imply or else he’d consider this first meeting of yours a bit chaotic for his liking. “Sure. Where do you have to be right now?”

Really? It’s that easy? Is all you can think about, much to Minho’s curiosity when he reads your thoughts. “O-Oh, well, um...if you can take me to the palace courts, that would be...cool, I mean nice.”

And so, Minho from 1388 ends up showing you around the palace courts for the next six months that follows (but, really, it’s just merely six minutes in the present time), even introducing you to people whom you ended up entrusting with your data-gathering. You almost mentioned Hyunjin and his fiancé, Shiyeon, on more than one occasion, remembering how the vampire would be with Seungmin already by this time while the immortal witch would be travelling around Korea, but opted not to instead when you also remember that no one from this time period really liked talking about the previous fire that killed most of Hyunjin’s family.

Besides, you didn’t want to mess up the timeline and have Minho meet Hyunjin before he could meet Chan, even when he would ask you about it right before you left.

“How am I in the future, by the way? Am I allowed to ask that?” Minho asks you curiously as you hold out your watch in front of him. It was starting to get annoying, having to hide it in your bell sleeves all the time. “And what am I doing by then?”

“I can’t say anything specific that’s important.” You scrunch up your nose disapprovingly to which Minho only glares at you in response. “Just trust me, you’re sort of happy with where you are in my present day. You don’t have to worry about it now, it’s still 600 years away, anyway.”

Minho mistakenly interprets that as the two of you being married in the future. He doesn’t have feelings for you in this time period but he takes your word not to worry about it until it’s happened.

Besides, you seem kind. He’ll see something in you eventually.

“When will I see you again, then?”

“Um...around 1418, probably?” You answer with a hint of uncertainty as you faintly recall your thesis’ outline. You needed to see King Sejeong’s court next. “You’ll still be here, right?”

Minho initially had plans on moving to a nearby province but he nods, anyway, thinking that that could wait for a few more years. “Yeah.”

And with that, you’re gone again.

present: February 13, 2020

When you get back to the present day, it’s only 9:35 PM, almost six minutes since you left, but Minho’s already in the kitchen, helping Jisung and Jeongin clean up their mess.

“Back already?” Minho asks with a blood bag between his teeth when he catches sight of you by the open doorway as he wipes the kitchen island clean, immediately noticing the grin you wear on your face. “What did you think?”

“You were much chiller then!” You exclaim, ducking past Jeongin and Jisung to sit down right across Minho on the countertop. “I mean, you were a bit scary at first with the whole glaring thing you got going on but you were very calm and collected, then, like you weren’t even phased about me being from the future!”

Of course he would be at that time, he was literally there when it happened (and also because he’s always had a feeling even from before that you’d meet but that’s also on his long list of things he won’t tell you). Instead, you see him quirk an eyebrow, throwing the rag towel in his hand to the side to pick up his phone and resume his Kart Rider. “Weirdoes vibe with weirdoes, I guess.” He shrugs, chuckling when you protest at this. “Anyway, you got what you need, right?”

You nod happily with a hum, propping an elbow up on the now clean counter and resting your cheek on your palm. “I have enough to write about later when you’re done cleaning.”

“Ya, Y/N, if you’re gonna stick around at least help us clean the kitchen!” Jisung complains as he drags a wet mop across the floor behind you.

“And why would I do that? I didn’t even help you make the chocolates!”

“Because Minho’s been making cho—” Before Jisung could finish his sentence, however, Minho throws his rag towel towards the younger vampire, aiming it directly to his face. “Ya!”

You shake your head in disbelief, turning to Minho again after. “Anyway, I have to fix my notes for a bit and you need to tell me where else I went for this paper!”

Also because you were kinda cute back then, you think to yourself more as an after-thought, not really expecting for Minho to accidentally hear it.

Now, Minho knows why he made you wear the hairpin. Is it normal to be jealous of one’s past self?

present: February 16, 2020

Minho offers you a whole bag of your favorite mini Toblerones the next time that you knock on his door to work on your thesis. The Valentine’s Day homemade chocolates were a fail even when Felix was eventually brought in last-minute (then you just had to disappear for a whole day with Nari and Shiyeon, too), so he rushed to the nearest convenience store to buy you the Toblerones as soon as you told him that you’ll come over again to pester him with his Internet connection and ask him more about your work.

Maybe this is really it, the one you were talking about in his past.

“You’re being nice to me with all this chocolate.” You squint your eyes with a piece of the chocolate in between your teeth suspiciously across the dining table as you work, head buried in papers to revise and dusty reference books. Your professor has you on travel limit as everyone else, only allowing you up to four actual visits to the past, hence the mountainous stacks of library books and journals you’ve borrowed from both the campus library and Changbin’s personal collection. “What do you need? Ya, I’m talking to you.”

Minho, busy in his own academic work on his laptop, only peeks up at you belatedly when he’s reaching out for his blood bag buried underneath all of your papers. “What?”

“What are the chocolates for?” You ask straightforwardly this time, picking up another mini Toblerone off the yellow bag. “Last time you bought me something from the convenience store was when you ate the squirrel I was feeding in the back garden.”

Minho only shrugs as nonchalantly as he could, though he can’t help but feel a little flustered as evidenced by the way his eyes briefly widen. The squirrel incident was a long time ago and yet you still won’t let it go. “Can’t I be nice?” He simply asks back in answer to which you scoff at. He laughs along with you, anyway. “Jeongin bought it then gave me the extra, probably to give to you since I can’t really eat it.”

You wanted to tell him that Nari actually shared the chocolates Jeongin gave her and they were definitely not Toblerones but you let it slide again. For some reason, it’s funny seeing Minho try to cover up something right in front of your face and thinking that he’s doing a good job at it. He’s trained you to see past his bullshit for the past 8 years, he should really know better. “Um...right.” You nod teasingly. “I’m gonna pretend you’re not looking very suspicious right now.”

Minho could clearly tell that you’re doubting him even without reading you but he does nothing more to it. He’s too deep in his bullshit already and you both know that.

Truth is, he was just fulfilling something you mentioned in your second visit to him (and probably as a way to give you something on Valentine’s Day even if it’s two days late).

“Anyway, when are you making the travel again?”

“Right after I finish summarizing this book.”

And it happens to come full circle today, too. What luck does your best friend have.

past: August 1418

You jump between days in a span of six years this time (which is approximately an hour and twelve minutes back in the present time) with the help of Minho, Chan, and Changbin from 1418 helping you by preparing an entire closet of clothes and coming up with a very detailed background story of how you were a distant relative of Chan’s from the province in the case that someone asked about you. The other two boys were more than happy to welcome you despite how foreign time travel was to them in this time period because, apparently, you’re all Minho’s ever talked about since they met.

“It’s nice knowing that Minho didn’t fever dreamed you up or something.” Changbin joked to you once towards the end of the six years of your data-gathering, to which he received a full apple shoved in his mouth from Minho. In this time period, his wife, Haseul, was still in that sleeping curse you still don’t understand fully at present, carefully laid in a tomb somewhere in the capital. Fortunately, you managed to avoid telling him that she wakes up seven centuries later (and that they get married) throughout your entire stay and avoided spoilers. “Vampires who’ve lived long like us tend to do that sometimes. Heck, even Chan does that lots of times these days, telling us about this immortal person he’s been looking for a while now. I guess it’s the human brain’s natural response to having a lot of memories.”

“Minho remembers me just fine in the present, though.” You shrug as you re-write your interview notes, to which Minho mumbles a ‘Really?’ at. When you nod at him, he immediately rolls his eyes up in thought. You want to tell them that the person Chan’s been looking for at this time’s also real (and that he and said person, Eunhye, even live together now), too, but you decide against it later on for spoiler reasons again. “You have really good memory in the present, you even bought me Toblerones today.”

“What are those?”

A realization dawns on you right there and then, a small smile forming on your lips to which Minho quirks an eyebrow at and Changbin immediately asks you about. “You’ll find out soon enough. Just know that they’re my favorite.” You simply answer, standing up from the front porch of the inn you’ve been staying at and dusting the dirt off of your new hanbok. You remind yourself to ask Minho and Changbin about where these are at present later on. “Anyway, I’m off! I need to interview a few court people then I’ll be off your hairs again soon!”

When it’s time for you to leave again, Minho’s still pestering you about what Toblerones are.

“Come on, tell me!” He protests, going as far as holding your wrist where your watch is before you could escape. “Y/N!”

You only grin up at him mischievously, gently swatting his hand away. “February 16, 2020! Also, make me ramen and coffee when I get back to the other side, please! I’d really like that!”

present: February 16, 2020

A steaming bowl of ramen and a warm cup of miraculously decently-brewed coffee are on the kitchen countertop by the time you come back, just as you asked him six hundred years in the past. What you didn’t expect, however, was the way your notes and references have also been organized neatly on the table while you were away and Minho dozing off on the nearby sofa in the open living room (he really likes genuine sleep lately which you’re yet to ask him as to why). You make sure to check that he really is sleeping by pinching his nose (and getting no response which is his usual indication of actual sleep) before placing the blanket he has reserved for you in his apartment over his hunched over body.

“You don’t really need it,” You whisper tiredly, tucking the blanket close to his neck. His skin is naturally cold, as any normal vampire’s, but you’ve slowly grown accustomed to it over the years. “but how else am I going to say thank you for remembering my request after six hundred years? You’re going above and beyond anyone I’ve ever met, Lee Minho, you should stop raising the bar too high for men like this.”

three

past: May 1592

“Are you sure you want to be here?” Minho from 1592 asks you right after you’ve reappeared in his house. Chan is out for work and Changbin is visiting Haseul on this particular day, leaving him to tend to their main house alone. “We’re in the middle of—”

“A Japanese invasion, I know.” You finish his thought for him, casually plopping down on the front porch right next to him and gingerly receiving the cup of tea he offers you. The garden he’s been trying to tend the last time you were around hasn’t made any significant progress even when an entire century has passed. You want to think it’s because the boys have been travelling elsewhere right before you returned but you also know it’s because they haven’t met Seungmin and Hyunjin yet. Those two are still probably travelling with Shiyeon. “That’s exactly why I’m here.”

“Don’t tell me you’re—” Minho leans away and gazes back incredulously at you. He can already tell, with his own abilities, that you’re not thinking of what he’s thinking but he asks anyway to fully confirm. “I’m not letting you go to the frontlines if that’s what you’re going to ask me this time.”

You chuckle at his genuinely mortified expression as you sip on your tea, making the boy furrow his brows at you. You really must be crazy. “You already know I’m not thinking of that! Though, I will ask you crazier things in the distant future.” You assure him. “I’ll only be staying for a year, six years again at most since I only need to complete a few interviews and fact-check a few books.”

“Good.” Minho sighs in relief, taking a long sip of his tea as well. Even in 1592, the only human beverage Minho could stand is tea, you’re quick to notice. “That’s...that’s a relief.”

“Why would you even be worried about going to the field, you’re immorta—ya, perhaps, do you you care about me?” You tease, grinning widely at the sudden realization. “We have a really messed-up timeline but you already care about me as early as now, that’s cute!”

Minho from this time period could only roll his eyes at you against his sudden flustered feeling. If he was curious of your relationship with his future self when you first met, he’s curious as to how his future self keeps up with you this time. “Because you might be important to me in the future or something.” He bluffs to which you only chuckle fondly at. “I can’t really tell since you won’t tell me exactly how I know you in the future.”

“Well, what am I to you now?”

“A friend.” And he means it truthfully.

You’re momentarily taken aback, Minho sees even when you’re quick to hide it. Present Minho won’t even call you his best friend like you do to him. “Then just—just remember that until then.” You point out, smiling when you gaze over to his side and see his sincere expression. Something leaps in your chest at hearing him say those words without his usual playful tone of voice. It’s not what you’ve always been hoping for but it’s a start. “Won’t it be better if you just find out in the moment when it does happen?”

Minho wants to tell you that he can’t wait but his teasing nature always gets the best of him first, “Hm, maybe you don’t actually know me at all in the future, that’s why you’re always being vague when I ask you.”

You scoff, smacking his arm. “Ya!”

“So, really, what are you to me in the future?” He insists anyway, swiftly dodging your hits until he’s caught your wrist in his hands. “Friend? Best friend?”

A lover? He wanted to add further but he bites his tongue back just in time.

“I always call you my best friend but I’ve yet to hear the same thing from you so, honestly, how would I know when you’re so secretive with your true feelings all the time! I’m even surprised you answered my question just now.” You frown, unintentionally coming off as bitter in your tone of voice as you retract your hand back to your side. You place your cup down as well, careful of the remaining tea so it doesn’t accidentally spill on your hanbok. At this moment, you miss the way Minho’s expression turns into confusion. “If it helps, though, I can only tell you that you always let me in your house to hoard the wi-fi—which you don’t have to know about right now!—and you’ve kept me around long enough to know when you’re trying to lie to me or read my thoughts with your clairvoyance thing going on.”

Minho nods along, humming in thought. “So you’re a parasite?”

You inhale a deep breath, focusing all of your energy into restraining yourself from hitting him for a second time. “You’ve called me worse.” You sigh with a controlled laugh. “Expired dinner and ex-wife who has nowhere else to go are my personal favorites.”

Next to you, Minho’s eyes genuinely widen in curiosity. “We got married?”

“Um, no? No, no, it’s an expression!” You shake your head and snicker despite the contrasting heat on your neck. Minho grows flustered at sensing the blood rushing up to your face. “I don’t even know if you’re capable of romantic love, dude. You’re always kinda everywhere and nowhere.”

Minho’s not offended, though, especially not when you try to apologize after at realizing that you’re not as close with this version of him as you are with the version you know in your own time. “It’s fine.” He assures you with a shrug, knowing full well that you were just kidding around. “I’m guessing with that that I’m still single five centuries later.”

“That and a bit of a flirt, too.” You clarify before his words fully process in your head. “Wait, so that means you haven’t dated even before this?”

Minho shakes his head. “No, no one’s caught my eye yet.”

You purse your lips in thought of this new revelation. It’s in moments like this, when you’re meeting past selves of your immortal friends that you realize just how little you actually know of them. “Huh, I didn’t peg you as the type.”

“The type to what?”

You shrug slowly, hunching over in your seat. “To be the fall in love just once type? I don’t know...”

Chan has mentioned to you once about Minho believing in soulmates but you were quick to dismiss that then. Remembering that now, maybe he is right.

And, as if he has been reading your thoughts this entire time, Minho agrees with a nod. “Then, now you know. If you’ve lived as long as I have, soulmates are really nice to think about.”

“But you always tease me about it...you from the future at least.” You pout. “Again, no offense, it’s just that—from the way I know you in my time, you’re very confusing.”

When you glance over at Minho, you see him sit up straighter and lean closer to you again, your shoulders bumping against his as he tilts his head to meet your gaze. “Really? How am I confusing? Maybe I can help.”

You scrunch up your nose. “Ah, but that’s unfair. You’ll take note of this in the future again.”

“Your time’s five hundred years away, I’m sure I’ll forget this with time.” He assures you to no avail as evidenced by your squinted eyes.

“You remembered my ramen and coffee request from last time, though.” You argue back, making his eyes light up.

“I will?”

You nod, placing a finger on his forehead and pushing his face away from yours. “Yeah, so I don’t trust you. Let’s just leave it at that.”

Minho doesn’t bother you anymore about it for the rest of your one-year stay, which you’re more than grateful for.

present: February 22, 2020

He does, however, teases you about it again when you’re back to the present. Closing in on you in one of his bone-crushing hugs when you reappear in his room, he asks, “So, how was meeting me in the 1500s this time, best friend?”

“Excuse me, what did you say?” You furrow your brows at him, your arms going limp on your sides while your entire body freezes on the spot.

“I just called you my best friend.” He repeats casually with a shrug. “Why?”

Minho purposely omits the fact that he double-checked his old journals to make sure that you just time traveled to that period when you mentioned to him how he’s never called you his best friend. He’s been waiting for this opportunity to set it right with you since he didn’t know much of the context back then.

You shake your head in response, reluctantly hugging him back once you’ve regained feeling in your arms again. “Nothing, it’s just...”

“Dude, you’re acting like past me and present me are different people.” He chuckles against your hair, squeezing your frame once before pulling away. “So, we’re good, right? You’re not bitter about the whole best friend thing now?”

You frown, slapping his elbow to which he only chuckles at. “Who said I was bitter?”

“You did in 1592!” He teases, his mischievous grin softening into a fond smile after. “But seriously...sorry about that. I just think it’s cheesy to say most of the time but you really are...my best friend now I guess—maybe until you die in 50 years.”

Minho then runs away before you could even protest, prompting you to chase him out of his room and into the hallway. “Ya, Lee Minho! I’m going to kill you first, you brat!”

But you know that deep in your heart that he’s only joking (and also because Jeongin has gossiped to you once about accidentally reading one of Minho’s journal entries from the 1700s once about meeting someone who shares your name but was already working as a professor in university and may or may not already be a vampire).

present: February 29, 2020

“Okay, to refresh...” You mumble as you adjust the watch on your wrist and the switchblade Minho insisted on you keeping in your pants’ pockets. Next to you, said vampire’s is sprawled on his bed, a reviewer and highlighter in hand. “In 1895, Hyunjin was following Shiyeon around the world, Seungmin was starting out his photography career, Soojung was taking a beauty nap, Haseul was still sleeping, Changbin was going on a Jack the Killer rampage somewhere in Europe, Jisung was still a newborn, Felix, and Jeongin haven’t joined you yet, and Chan was...learning yoga with Eunhye? Is that right?”

“And I’ve met all versions of you by this time.” Minho adds in absentmindedly before going back to chanting his notes over and over again. He really doesn’t need to since he really has sharp memory these days but you let him study for whatever it is he’s studying, anyway, so he has something else to do besides Kart Rider and annoying his other friends. “Just tell past me who I’m meeting when you arrive since you know how I kept mixing graduate studies you and college thesis you up all the time.”

“That’s...you guys have lived lives.” You puff out a tired breath, making Minho glance up to you briefly and chuckle. “Sometimes, it makes me and Nari feel so small.”

“It’s not much.” The boy shrugs back. “It personally hasn’t felt that long.”

“And why’s that?” You hum curiously.

He mumbles something behind his paper but you don’t hear it well. When you ask him about it, he only shakes his head and kicks you with his socket foot, urging you to go already.

Minho actually said, “It’s because you’ve been with me the entire time.” but he’ll just tell you all about it later when you come back.

With a scoff, you then swat his foot away and bid him goodbye. “Fine, see you later then.”

“I’ll organize your notes until then. Bye.”

past: July 1895

Minho sets your location on your watch to his house, now renovated to what was considered modern then. You’ve been here countless of times, albeit in different time periods of your own past (the last being when you had to ask for his help in the 1860s about your graduate thesis), but you’ve never been here in the 1890s, not when a newborn Jisung had the self-control of a toddler and immediately tried pouncing on you the moment he smelled you on their front lawn.

Now you know what the switchblade is for (and the one time Jisung kept apologizing to you in the 1910s).

“Ji, calm down!” Minho growls in annoyance, holding the younger boy by his arms as he drags him back inside the house. He can feel your anxiousness increase just by looking at this unfamiliar side of Jisung, prompting him to send you an apologizing look. “Sorry, um, Y/N, I—”

“I-It’s...it’s fine.” You assure shakily with a curt nod, taking a step back as well when Jisung tries regaining two steps towards you again. “I think I came in the wrong day.”

“It depends. What are you here for?” He asks, his voice growing faint as he successfully manages to lock Jisung inside the house. He then quickly jogs back to you, examining your face for any recognizable hints of where you could be from.

“Doctorate thesis.” You answer for him, earning you a look of realization from him.

“Oh, it’s you.” He smiles in relief. You remember distinctly how these were also the very same words he told you when you first met him in a time travel. “I was thinking you’d never come back.”

You feign a frown in front of him, making him laugh. “Why? Did you think I wouldn’t finish my studies?”

“It’s just that the next time you came back, from my point of view, is when you were only in college to ask me about the 1810s.” He clarifies, to which you nod in understanding. So he does remember. “I thought it weird at first that you didn’t come back sooner to finish your doctorate.”

“Ah, well, you in 2020 has been a big help—well, him and a shit ton of books.” You chuckle awkwardly. “This is my last trip for my doctorate, actually, since I have the smallest amount of resources for Queen Min.”

“T-This is—this is your last?”

You smirk at his briefly dejected expression, elbowing him gently. “Why do you look so sad? You already know we’ll meet again in the future. Plus, you’ll still meet younger versions of me later on for my college requirements which is a bit confusing to hear right now but you’ll get it later!”

Minho opens his mouth to speak, initially to tell you something about being frustrated that he’s only seen glimpses (and different versions) of you throughout his life so far, but he’s suddenly cut off by Jisung banging wildly against the front door, making him and you flinch.

“Um...what if we deal with Jisung first?” You suggest. “I assure you we’re all going to be great friends in the future but no one really told me that this would happen.”

Minho nods slowly next to you, rubbing the nape of his neck. “Yeah, we should probably take care of him first before your thesis. You could spare five minutes to sit down, right?”

“Definitely.”

And so, you spend the rest of your first day getting Jisung to calm down in your presence.

present: February 29, 2020

“Chan, babe, please, please, please promise that you won’t flinch when we use the party poppers later.” Eunhye sighs exasperatedly as she leads everyone into organizing the kitchen and living room. “Felix, good job on the cookies by the way! They turned out really well! Jisung, hurry up with that banner!”

“Babe, I don’t flinch!” Chan yells across the hallway as he re-checks if everyone will have enough party hats, trumpets, and poppers for later.

“Yes you do!”

“What’s so significant about today, anyway?” Nari asks Jeongin as the two enter the apartment with boxes upon boxes of blood bags and alcoholic drinks. “Besides Y/N finishing their thesis, of course.”

Shiyeon and Hyunjin follow closely behind with take-out boxes of chicken wings. “Because today is Y/N’s last time travel before they become a professor! A lot of good things are going to happen after, trust me.” Shiyeon answers with a wink.

“How come you know all of that? You were barely with us in the 1800s.” Jisung asks while struggling to put the other end of your congratulations banner across the kitchen. Soojung is on the other end, arm beginning to fall asleep as she holds up the other end of the banner for Jisung. “Even Jeongin and Felix don’t know that.”

“There’s a thing called correspondence and Hyunjin was a diligent gossiper.” Shiyeon only chuckles, setting down the take-out boxes on the countertop. “Also, hey, I was there in one of Y/N’s visits! It just hasn’t happened in our timeline yet but it will in three years!”

Minho then emerges from his room, phone in hand counting down the seconds until you’re back again. “Okay, we have two hours to get everything ready.”

“Lee Minho where have you been this entire time!” Eunhye complains, finally taking the boy’s presence to take a seat. “I’ve been organizing everyone for a whole ten minutes!”

“You mean you have two hours to get ready.” Haseul teases, seated on one of the dining table chairs and helping Changbin, Seungmin, and Felix make proper chocolates this time. “Don’t you have something else important you need to prepare?”

“No, I can just wing it.” Minho dismisses to which Chan immediately laughs at, catching the younger boy’s panicked expression.

“Sure you do.” Seungmin dryly responds, to which everyone topples over in laughter.

past: November 1905

“You’ll see me again in five years, at least from your point of view.” You assure Minho from 1905 right before you leave. Jisung’s apologizing again about the incident last time but you’re quick to hug him and effectively shut him up. “The one you’ll meet in 1910 is going to be a little different, though, a little younger.”

“But it’s still you.”

You smile at this. “Yeah, still me.”

Minho wants to tell you so badly that he’s met another version of you while you were away, someone older, but he quickly pushes the thought at the back of his head. Is this how you feel holding back spoilers from him? Instead, he ops to tease you. “You know, when people usually meet, it’s not as backwards as us.” When you raise an eyebrow at him, he continues, “You keep meeting me from the past and I’ve met you from the future countless of times. Even if culture’s going to be different in the future, I’m pretty sure this is still not how it goes there.”

Finally, understanding, you let out a laugh, hitting his side playfully. “Definitely not.” You agree sheepishly. “But I think that makes it even more special. It makes you wait until we’re in the same time, right?”

Minho nods. “What date are you going back to again?”

“February 29, 2020. Why?”

He says nothing else on it but bids you goodbye with one last hug instead. “Nothing. I’ll see you again soon...or another version of you.”

“And I’ll see future you.” You chuckle before disappearing.

present: February 29, 2020

You come back to all the lights in Minho’s apartment turned off at the present. You hear whispers and the soft clicking of a lighter as well, prompting you to follow the noise outside.

“I think it’s better if Changbin doesn’t hold the cake, don’t you think?” You recognize Haseul’s loud voice even from the hallways, fueling your curiosity even further.

A slight pause then follows before you hear Chan agree, “Yeah. Hyunjin, you hold the other cake.”

“Lix, you’re stepping on my foot.” That’s Jisung, you know by the way he’s always whiny when he complains.

“Oh shit, sorry!”

“Everyone, quiet! Y/N’s on their way!” Nari scolds and the hushes then quickly fall silent once you reach the kitchen, flipping the light switch on the hallway to the sound of party poppers exploding right in front of you. Only then do you see the big ‘CONGRATULATIONS Y/N!’ banner hanging right above everyone standing in a line with cake, hats, and trumpets.

“Um?” You raise an eyebrow at everyone, breaking out into an uncontrollable grin. “What’s with all this?”

Minho of your time then walks over to you with a Toblerone cake, carefully protecting two candles from the breeze that enters through the windows. “Chan and Eunhye insisted on a party so...congrats on finishing your thesis!”

Over his shoulder, said vampire and immortal immediately shake their heads in denial. “It’s his idea!” Eunhye mouths to you with a smirk, making you chuckle.

You then turn to Minho with a smile. “I haven’t even finished writing it yet.” You point out only for your best friend to shrug nonchalantly. “And my graduation’s in a month.”

“Yeah, we can work on that once everyone’s out of the apartment.” He suggests. “Now, just blow on the candles first, Seungmin’s arms are about to fall off waiting to take a picture.”

You briefly apologize to Seungmin on the side with a sheepish laugh, blowing on the cake’s candles after to the many snaps of his film camera. “Thank you for all this. I really appreciate it, you guys!” You thank your guests after, approaching them with Minho on your side this time.

“We can call you Professor now, right?” Hyunjin playfully asks, elbowing you gently on your side.

“It makes me sound really old.” You pout, making him laugh. “In a few years.”

“Three years.” Shiyeon coughs to which Minho immediately glares them down for.

Catching this gesture, you decide on purposely ignoring it for now. You’ll have to ask Shiyeon what they mean with that later. “Anyway, let’s eat. Have you guys been here long?”

“Not really but I’m already starving!” Soojung exclaims, passing you a plate and utensils. Next to her, Felix and Chan instinctively open up all the take-out boxes of food for everyone to dig in.

“Alright, let’s eat!”

present: March 1, 2020

Minho kicks everyone out after by the strike of midnight, when all the food’s been devoured and the party games have been played at least twice. Surprisingly, even Jisung and Jeongin were directed outside by Minho at this time, which you immediately ask him about once the two boys are out of the door. “Don’t those two live here?” You joke with a dry chuckle. “You don’t have to kick them out so we can work.”

“They’ll come back later.” Minho gently shuts the door before turning to you as you stand with your arms crossed in front of your chest, a genuinely curious expression on your face. “I just...need a moment with you.”

You pretend to take a step back with your best dramatic expression of fear. “Oh my God, you’re going to kill me after eight years of friendship, right?”

“What? No.” Minho furrows his brows at this, making you laugh. “It’s just...fuck, now I’m off-tracked.”

You giggle this time, loosening your arms in front of you. “What is it, Minho?”

There have been times, both in the past and present though rare, when Minho has looked nervous in front of you. The last time he was, from what you can remember, was when he was about to tell you that he accidentally killed the squirrel in the apartment’s back garden but even then, he wasn’t as nervous as he is now—fiddling with the hem of his blue sweater for a brief moment before finally taking the courage to step closer to you. “I-I, um—” He stammers out, one hand instinctively going up to his nape. “What I want to say is that...remember when I asked you in 1592 about how I know you?”

“You just teased me about that last week.” You roll your eyes in an attempt to ease the sudden awkwardness, only to make it even worse for Minho. With this, your expression immediately contorts into worry. “What about it?”

“Then in 1905, where you just came back from, you told me we’ll meet in the right time eventually...” He continues after a while, smiling back when you do reassuringly. “In between those centuries, of course, y-you—you came in for your college homework and your Masteral’s but there was also...there was also someone else.”

This unexpected turn drops something heavy on your stomach, your smile unconsciously faltering. Minho wants to snicker but, knowing you, you’ll probably think of him cold if he does so he takes in a deep breath and tries his best to continue with less stutters this time. “Don’t be too sad, it’s still you, just a few months in the future.” He assures with a chuckle, hands instinctively going up to your sides to rub your arms comfortingly. Your eyes widen at this in response and you freeze in his touch. “Anyway, July 2020 Y/N just told me to do something tonight, if that’s okay.”

It takes you a moment to respond but Minho patiently waits, holding back his laugh by biting his lip down. He’s reading your thoughts as they go into overdrive. Is this how you feel when I hide the future from you before? You internally ask to which he nods at. “U-Um, so...what are you going to do?”

“Just tell you that I’ve been in love with you for a long time.” Minho finally confesses, sighing in relief once he’s gotten the words out surprisingly well. “And if you’d like to go out for a trip after your graduation—and not the time travel trip, this time so we can be together right.”

There’s more to it, actually, Minho has a whole paper written and rehearsed for a span of almost three centuries but he figures you’ll find out about it eventually. He could tell you about how he’s been in love with every version of you that he’s met in the past another time or maybe you already know it.

“So?” He asks after a while when you don’t speak verbally. Your thoughts are still muddled and your heartbeat’s a little too fast for his liking but he holds any impulsive urge he might have in for your sake. “What do you say?”

You purse your lips once, mustering up a relieved smile at him after. “You already met me from the future this time—which I commend you for, by the way, because you’ve one-upped me again this time!—so I think you already know the answer to that.”

epilogue

past: July 1799

You know full well that you’re not supposed to travel back in time for personal reasons, especially not for the reason you’re coming into 1799 to see a past Minho for, but you figure that you’re already in your university’s faculty roster. If I get caught, you think to yourself as you easily spot Minho with Chan at an art exhibit in Paris, the professors will probably understand.

“Minho! Chan!” You call with your hand above your head waving frantically at the two, catching theirs and a few patrons’ attentions. You don’t mind the extra attention as you approach him, though, since they did instinctively made way for you because of it. “Hello there, you two!”

“Hi, Y/N!” Chan greets you happily, giving you a side hug. “Aren’t you back too soon?”

But knowing full well that you’re probably not the same one the two met last time, Minho smirks in amusement as he eyes your choice of clothes and asks, “And where did you come from? By the clothes, me from the future probably doesn’t know you’re here.”

“Yeah, I picked out my own clothes for today. Anyway, I won’t be here long.” You roll your eyes with a chuckle. “I’m from July 2020 and I’m not here for any academic work this time! I just wanted to ask you a quick favor.”

From what you’ve detailed in your own journals, the last time you met from this particular Minho’s point of view was when you were doing a paper on the Baroque movement for one of your college classes.

“What is it?” He asks you anyway, his body turned away from the painting that he and Chan have been previously admiring as he gives you his full attention.

Judging from the amount of times you’ve visited him (and the different versions of you he’s meet as well), his future self seems to agree on your requests all the time.

“I can’t tell you much but please prepare something on February 29, 2020!” You answer, your watch beeping on your side to remind you that it’s almost time to leave. “And make sure to mention me! Remember, Y/N from July 2020!”

Before he could ask about it, further, however, you were already gone.

“What do you think that was about, Chan?” Minho asks the older vampire instead.

But Chan simply shrugs, hands going deeper in his pockets as he thinks. “No idea.” He admits in equal confusion. “Guess we’ll have to see in three hundred years.”

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palettepainter · 3 years

Note

I’ve got post vaccine (moderna gang) shivers so I need to express fluff headcanons to spread good vibes

When Ecto was planning to propose, he had to keep it so hush hush because Higari can easily find things out. He didn’t tell anyone but higaris mother and his own parents. He was very happy that Higari was actually surprised with the proposal. Higari wears the rings on a necklace- his quirk doesn’t exactly make wedding rings easy to find.

As much as Higari prefers being a support hero, search and rescue jobs that go smoothly it’s very rewarding. He often checks up on those he’s managed to rescue, keeps in touch with some too. There’s this lovely older woman who he rescued from a crumbling retirement home who sends him baked goods every holiday. He visits her every month for tea.

When Ecto is sick, Higari cares for him easily. Even when Ecto acts like he isn’t sick. He’ll make him soup, make sure he’s resting, cold compress on his forehead. As stubborn as he is, ecto appreciates it.

Higaris favorite memory with his dad is digging around in the yard with him. Since they had the same quirks, it worked out. He showed him how to carve tunnels without the ground crumbling, or just played around in the dirt. There’s a picture of Higari when he was three, covered in dirt with his head peaking out of a hole. His dad was grinning, sitting near by like he was cheering him on. Sometimes, especially on days where thinking about his dad is hard, he’ll tell Ecto stories.

As someone who also got shivers after getting a vaccine I know the feeling, how you’re doing well!

Ecto proposing, Yes! I love the idea of Ecto proposing to Higari, and his rugged flirting smirking self just crumbles in the face of Ecto holding a ring to him. Ecto’s eyes are so full of love and he has such a soft grin on his face that Higari can’t help but tearing up, he tries to think of something flirty to say back, but he just can’t. He’s overwhelmed - probably ended up tackling Ecto in a hug with a big kiss, which threw Ecto off guard, thinking at first maybe he’d overwhelmed Higari when he started crying.

Higari wearing is around his neck, also yes. Higari’s wedding ring is the only thing that he will spend careful hours cleaning and polishing at the end of each day to make sure it stays in good condition, wears is around UA proudly - though I imagine for interviews outside of UA or when he’s called out for hero work he leaves it at home in a special box on his dresser or safely tucks it away in a drawer in the design studio, as much as he loves wearing the rink around his neck he dreads the thought of loosing it in a rescue, or having some nosy reports pester him for answers if they catch sight of it.

With Higari’s gear I’m a firm believer he’d be a great rescue hero in say like natural disasters or if a building collapsed. With his giant robotic suit and his know how on construction he could easily map a safe route to evacuate citizens from an unstable building, or quickly find a way to clean up after a land slide. Need to move a giant tree? No problem he’ll move it no prob. Citizen can’t move because they’re leg hurts? He can carry em out to safety. Kids they rescued are bored while they’re waiting for parents to pick them up? Higari tolerates them clambering about on his hero suit like it’s a jungle gym

Anything with Higari caring for Ecto or vise versa is so wholesome! In my NGAU I imagine Higari prolly knows all the tricks to help when someone is sick, he grew up in a big house with tones of little siblings, as kids they got sick a lot with how often they played in the garden and mud, they’ve all got very strong immune systems so it’s rare Higari or his siblings get sick - but Higari still knows all the tricks to help nursing someone back to health. He remembers to give Ecto some medicine, make him some soup, hot water bottle if he’d cold, flannel if he’s too hot and plenty of liquids. A teenie tiny part of Ecto might even enjoy all the attention, appreciating Higari’s concern. Too bad Higari is too stubborn to actually treat himself when he’s sick, with how little he gets sick he doesn’t take it all that seriously - thankfully Ecto is a patient man with many clones, so is willing to drag Higari back to bed if needed XD

And the last one with his dad...

Anon: Are you trying to make me cry-

In my NGAU Powerloader’s dad was all over him, spoiled Higari so so much. Spent many lazy afternoons slacking off work when the missus wasn’t looking to play around with Higari (bragged for like a week straight that he got his quirk, proud dad moment). Higari’s mother came out into the garden to see how the boys where doing, she finds her husband and toddler son covered head to toe in dirt and mud. She gets angry at them, insisting the two need a bath if they want to have dinner. Toddler Higari hated baths from the day he was born apparently, and it’s only until dear old papa gives him a bath is he willing to get clean. His dad puts bubbles in Higari’s hair, and Higari splashes bubbles onto his dads beard, who then makes a silly face to make Higari laugh. Too bad only one hour after tea the two got dirty again-

The first time Higari used his quirk was when he was outside with his dad. His dad was working on fixing up the shed, Higari sitting in a small play pen outside with some toys while his dad stood close by, able to work while also keeping an eye on Higari. Higari, bored of playing with his building blocks, begins to drag his little hands at the ground, and before he knows it he’s tunneling his way to freedome beyond the bounds of his baby playpen. This kind of scneario probably ensued:

Kaigo (PL’s dad): Phew *picks up tool box and turns around* Alright sweetpea, time to go back insi- *freezes when he sees the playpen is empty, and no baby in sight* W-WHAT?! *drops tool box, and rapidly looks around* Uh- H-Higari?! Sweetpea?! Where’d you go?? Come to dad, this isn’t funny! *rushes around a bit*

Higari: *tunnles his way up to the surface in his mothers flowerbed, a small pile of dirt with a flower sticking out the top sitting on his head*

Kaigo: *searching in the bushes* H-Higari?! Higari! Where are you?! *mumbles* Shit I took my eyes off him for two minutes! Where the hell could he-

Higari: BAPA!

Kaigo: *jumps and whirls around*..*heaves and sigh and rushes over* Oh thank god! *scoops him into his arms for a hug* You stupid lil’ ankle biter! Don’t you ever do that again! *holds him out at arms length* How in the world did you even get out??

Higari: *sneezes from the dirt, making the flower fall off his head*

Kaigo:..Wait. Did..D-Did you, DIG your way out?!

Higari: *incoherent baby noises*

Kaigo;...Ooooh you are in SO much trouble young man, you know how many years off my life you just took? Huh?...*scowls as Higari giggles* Oh so you think this is FUNNY?-

Higari: *grabs his nose* BA!

Kaigo:............*sighs* You’re damn lucky you’re cute, you know that?...Uh, how about we DON’T tell your Ma about this, okay?

Ever since then his dad had to watch him like a hawk, one minute Higari was sitting playing with his toys, the next he was trying to dig his way to the other side of the world. When he was old enough his dad did give him some lessons in how to dig safely so the ground wouldn’t become unstable. I imagine Higari may have madea few tunnels as a kid that where too close to the surface, and his very unsuspecting mum and dad would just sink into the ground collapsing an old tunnel Higari made. And Higari having pictures?? YES. His mum probably has a whole stash of pictures of Higari as a baby playing outside with his dad and her. Including the embarrassing photos, the kind of photos Higari would never want Ecto to see, but his mum showed him anyway.

Now I wanna write angst with Powerloader and his dad aaaaa-

#Powerloader #Powerloader family #MHA #Headcannons #Higari

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archmage--khadgar · 5 years

Text

(To explain some things! I’ve gotten a few messages of love in response to the most recent shenanigans. And also, of course, past messages of you guys throwing kindness at me and I internally 404 like woah. I rarely say nice things about myself. Partially because even though I’m heckin’ chatty once I get going. I feel really guilty and vain or like I’m oversharing or something, I dunno. The reasons why have kind of been danced around and ffwwuhhhh I might delete this post later or something who knows. A lot of this is stuff I haven’t shared at all or with most people. But I also don’t really like repeating myself too much with certain things so I’m just. Gonna do this. It’s 2:30 in the morning and I just woke up and can’t get back to sleep SO. Yeah. More under the cut. About why the “I love yous” and other nice things pretty much send me running. And make me really uncomfortable.)

I’m not looking for a pity party, just augh. I feel like it isn’t fair to keep hiding under blankets while calling myself trash and stuff without y’all knowing WHY. A lot of things are still going to be left out, either cause they’re hella buried or I still can’t talk about them yet. But uh. YEAH. Where to begin? The easiest thing to explain, I suppose, is to touch upon how I grew up in a single-parent household. Mom never said “I love you”, but she did yell, screech, and throw things at me and didn’t hold back on telling me how much I pissed her off, whenever she was home. I remember being locked and left alone in a hot car during the middle of summer when I was about 5, thankfully someone saw me crying and TO THIS DAY she’s still angry that I had cried. I’m 31. If I bring it up she immediately gets angry as if it had just happened and starts yelling how terrible I was for crying. As for my Dad, my earliest memory of him is of him telling me goodbye before walking out the door. He eventually came back Uhhhh...Sometime around 2nd grade. Did he and my mom get along at all? Nope! There’s a lot to unpack with that stuff that I won’t touch here. But I will say that it was the first case of me learning that people will say “I love you!” in hopes of swaying you to their side. My Grandparents loved me! And they showed it - shame my mom moved me away from them and OOPH I’m not going to get into that cause I’ll just start crying. :x Trying to talk while fighting off PTSD is a CHALLENGE but I am HERE FOR IT. Anywhoot. That ties heavily into the basis of why hearing someone say “I love you!” Sends me running. It sets off every red flag. “What do they want? Why are they saying that? They’re trying to get something from me. What are they trying to get from me?” I can think of how despite all the BS, I still tried to be nice even though I was really fucking weird and the poor kid at school in a time where living with a single parent meant something was wrong with you and all that shit. (Fuuuuuck the 90′s!) GOSH there really is a lot, it’s hard to pick and choose the right things to say. (For amusement: as a kid, I had a teacher who said that I was “cool as cucumber” and if that isn’t some fucking foreshadowing I don’t know what is. I also liked to collect rocks. And I read The Raven when I was like. 6 or 7 and memorized the fucking thing. Coincidence? I think NOT- yeah prolly just a coincidence.) It’s really hard to describe the bullying because it wasn’t all pulled hair and getting gum in it and I never got shoved into a locker. Others would lie, however, in order to get me in trouble. My clothes also would get pulled off. Belongings got stolen. Mom tried to spread a rumor that I fooling around with a new guy every week. Her excuse was.....”Well, you never tell me who you have a crush on or if you’re dating anyone at school, so what else am I supposed to think?” You know that scene in middle school/high school shows where the main kid gets tricked into thinking their crush was interested in them, and the crush was in on the joke? Yeah. Yeah. That fucking happened. I guess one of the best examples of “shit that happened that really fucked me up for life” Is.... Had a couple of, what I thought, were really good friends. Despite everything else that was bad I at least had them. We were a trio. It was amazing. I.... Was wrong. I got a message, on AIM one day from one of them. She said that the other one, my best friend, had committed suicide. And that her family didn’t want to talk to me. Don’t call them, never speak to them again, don’t go to the funeral..... I was crying. And called another friend of mine because I 100% didn’t know what to do. Was it real? Was it a joke that I somehow was misinterpreting? She told me to keep her updated; and that if I wanted to join her and her family at the mall I was more than welcome to. Mom comes home, sees that I’m crying. I tell her very quickly to keep her from getting angry. She thought I was lying at first for attention or some stupid shit until I showed her the chat log. She calls up the mom of my best friend and not only was it not true..... They were hanging out with each other at the other girl’s house. To this day, I have NO fucking clue if my best friend (at the time) was in on it or if it was done without her knowing. Either way, ANGRY MOM’S ALL AROUND, and my mom still questioned why I thought it was real cause hurr hurr I’m supposed to be smart. But also, I had already attempted suicide twice so OF. FUCKING. COURSE. I didn’t question the possibility. Anyways. I learned a big lesson about my worth that day, from people whom I was closest with. The people who would shout “WE LOVE YOU~!” From the bus window. They remained friends with each other. But not with me. The girl never spoke to me again and my BF quickly made it apparent that I was, and always had been an annoyance in her life. I was weird, stupid, whiney, 14-year-old acting like a 10-year-old, the list goes on. Could I have been a better friend? In some ways, yeah, maybe? Who knows. I don’t know. And then Highschool massively tanked after that. I failed assignments more than I passed them if it wasn’t for the creative projects and extra credit I would have completely flunked out. POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING for the next few lines paragraphs, I’m not going into too much detail but I just want to give a fair warning. Three male friends: Two online and one I knew in person cause he was a friend of a friend. All three of them were older, I was a minor and theeey...were not. One had just turned 18, one was 20, and I honestly don’t know how old the other guy was. O_o which is weird because I ended up being friends with him for years and I uh. Somehow never got his age. PROBABLY FOR THE BEST. :T The two online guys roped me into erp, knowing my age. Their reasoning? One of them told me I needed to learn to grow up, and how to be an adult. And that, also, as an artist, I needed to start drawing porn because otherwise, I’d never be good. He’d frequently send me NSFW art and shit and try to get me to find out what I liked, and yeah we all know what else he was doing. The other one? I don’t remember much but what I can remember strikes me as more subtle grooming than just rolling in with “WELL YER IN HIGH SCHOOL TIME TO GROW UP EVERYONE’S DOING THIS.” I HAD to deliver otherwise I was a shitty person, a disappointment. And then the guy I knew in person would frequently make sexual comments about me, either to my face or to our mutual friend (Which pissed her off cause she had a crush on him, she was only a year older than me). All of this was done under the guise of... We’re friends! We love and care about you! We’re doing/saying this because we want you to be happy! You’re such a nice person! You’re so pretty when you smile! “I’m just trying to get you out of your shell.” “It’s better to find out what you like now with a friend who cares.” So on, and so forth. Trigger warning over...ish?” There’s obviously a lot, and I mean a LOT of stuff I’m not saying. And before you yell THERAPY. Yeah, I’ve been. Yeeeeaaaah therapists never wanted to talk about any of this. I’d bring it up and they’d shut it down as “Unimportant” They’d open up trauma I’d forgotten about, realized they didn’t get paid enough to deal with my bullshit, and focus on other really random shit. BUT WHAT. I’m getting at is. Despite all this, I never got into drugs, or drinking, didn’t become a teenage parent, haven’t been arrested. It’s something I’m still processing and accepting. But like. Looking back on everything as a whole, for the most part, I just. Everything that I went through SHOULD have turned me into an awful person, I mean. A lot of people would say that I am and I wouldn’t argue it BUT. Like. The damage is there, the damage is done. Some of this might never heal or might take several more years to heal I honestly don’t know. I don’t understand how I am not. An awful person. Self-deprecating trash jokes aside. I was only good when I kept quiet. I was only good when I followed their directions. I was only loved when they needed something. I was only a good person with their approval, and I’d do anything to get it. I’d sacrifice my belongings, my food, my time, my energy, I’d run to the defense of shitty friends and to the people who’d physically and emotionally hurt me. I feel guilty for outing them even though they’re not here, will never see this, and I didn’t even name names or give details that would give me away. This stuff isn’t resigned to highschool, I’ve been through a LOT of shit since then but that’s a post for a different day. There was a time where I had started to feel proud that despite everything I didn’t fall into a hole of drug and alcohol addiction and who knows what else. And I got shot down. I got shot down SO HARD. I was a bully for being proud of that. I was a terrible person for recognizing my own strength. I was told I was actually weak, a coward, that I don’t know what true suffering is. And I am still frequently told that I need to start doing MJ or other drugs to “Finally loosen up and be cool.” hnngph. THERE’S STILL A lot more to unpack but I don’t really feel like it right now. But I can’t process being a good person. I can’t hear “I love you!” and not get scared that everything is going to happen again and that I won’t be strong enough, that I’ll prove to all my classmates and family once and for all that I’m the horrible, shitty monster they’re all waiting and expecting me to be. People say I’m a good person, and then I also frequently get lectured on how I need to toughen up and stop whining or get over myself or whatever. So I’m not...good..I can’t be good? I’m too selfish, weak and vain to be a good person. I should have known better, I should have been stronger, and I shouldn’t have given in to wanting to be validated, and loved. AND SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE IT worse than me I have no business thinking I’m a good person or strong or whatever. Absolutely none. I feel so manipulative for even saying any of this. Hnnpgh.

#ooc #long post #mun ramblings #FUCK this got long again I'm sorry

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williamcheart · 5 years

Text

- ̗̀ * ( bill skarsgard + cismale + he/him ) have you seen ( william ‘colt’ heart ii ) walking around campus ? they are a ( twenty-four ) year old, studying ( business + literature ). we hear they are in ( omicron tau xi ), and can be ( composed & detached ), maybe it’s because they are an ( aquarius ). they sort of remind us of ( chicken scratch handwriting, trembling hands, a coach’s whistle ), maybe we can find out more ! * ̖́- + literary magazine

u were all wondering whomstve the bill skarsgard fc reserve was . . . . it was I and i have no mcfuckin’ regrets. we love. and stan. william colton heart the second

tw. cancer, death, substance abuse, car accident, mental illness.

gen info!

full name: william colton heart ii

nickname(s): will to his family, colton/just colt to p much everybody else. his full name is reserved for family and when he’s in troubule tbh

b.o.d. - feb. 19th he an aquarius bby

label(s): the fallen, the phoenix, the crestfallen, etc. etc.

height: tall but taller than benjy tall like we’re talking a whopping 6′4″ jfc

hometown: beaufort, south carolina !!

sexuality: b...i...?

bio info!

born n raised in beaufort, south carolina--william is the eldest heart sibling

was a really quiet kid, tbh, like he minded his business and stuck close to the people he knew

always, always wanted to impress his parents, so he always studied hard for school and kind of put all his focus into it ??

it was a pressure for him, really, bc he’d always been told that he’s gonna inherit the family business like how his dad did, etc. etc.

and like...sweetie never wants to disappoint anyone, ever.

he was never considered a nerd tho?? like he’s always been freakishly tall, and his quietness sort of made him intimidating to be around b/c it always felt like he was judging u bc he’d always have to look down at u

has always been super protective over his younger siblings, feels as if it’s his duty to be the put-together brother

he’s never had to fight anybody tho, and like, thank god for that b/c he’s definitely not a fighter, considers himself to be a pacifist for the most part

bc like...he can just stare u down and ur like uuuh gtg bye !!1!111!!!

anyways, grew up riding horses, finds it v v peaceful but he stopped when they moved to california

but track has always been his kinda thing regardless of where he’s at, tried out for track his freshmen yr of high school n was the star of the team tbh

he met a gal going by the name dinah during a track meet the middle of his freshmen yr

she was taking photos for the yearbook and stuttered over her words more often than not, even when she teased william

and like...tbh? william adored her immediately

it really wasn’t soon at all until they started dating, like, they were the high school couple

they complimented each other v v well and were prolly always together lbr

i’m hc’ing that his family also adored dinah like it’s law

dinah is the one who like...really encouraged him to pursue writing as something more serious than just for fun, because will had always enjoyed writing--esp poetry--but he didn’t want it to get in the way of his future w the stables ??

and like...fuck, they were so cute, guys. they were so mf cute.

dinah got diagnosed w/ lung cancer in the beginning of their junior year; she began online school halfway thru b/c she didn’t have the energy physically to go to class, went thru a looot of chemo

william was with her the entire time, y’know, if he wasn’t in school or at track he’d probably be with her the most, trying to cheer her up in the ways he could, helped her study for their SATs bc he knew it was rly important to her

by the summer she was in remission and they thought that was it--still super fucking careful, but they really genuinely thought that that was the end of it y’know ?? that she’d just be better ??

they got into a few months of senior year with her being healthy enough to go to school again, but the further time passed...dinah relapsed, rapidly, and the cancer had spread to other parts of her body

they spent their last valentine’s day in the hospital, and the next day she was gone

it...crushed william, just kind of changed his life, y’know? dinah was all he knew and he really didn’t know how to live w/o her

spent a lot of his time locked away in his room or never even home to begin with, just wandering about hopelessly or sleeping, or trying to sleep that is

poured his heart into his poetry, though--in dinah’s honor, he tried so mf hard to keep doing what he loved even though he was so hurt

it was because of his constant hard work, and dinah’s past encouragements, that william entered and won a poetry contest during his senior year. got a hella scholarship that made everybody proud of him, just b/c he was ~defying odds~

kinda put on this mask so that others wouldn’t see how bad he was doing ?? b/c he’s the level-headed brother, y’kno, the one who always had his shit together and knew what he was doing

dinah and william won cutest couple and even prom king n queen as a sort of tribute to dinah but will didn’t even go to prom tbh he got drunk and threw cans of beer off of a cliff

anyways, he graduated high school n attended ucla bc that was his dad’s school and gdi he’s tryn his best to follow in his footsteps

even got into his dad’s frat b/c he was that determined

he didn’t rly partake much in parties but he did indulge every once in a while, y’know, just to do it, was finally getting his shit back together and doing well for once y’know?? he joined track n took it p seriously

when angela heart died, all of that fell apart again

he took an entire year off of school b/c at that point his mental health had taken a really bad turn, depression was sort of controlling his life and he was spiraling so mf far down that he sometimes couldn’t recognize himself

during that time he published his first and second poetry book under w.c. heart; it’s super morbid, depressing, you can pretty much feel his depression as it manifests in the pages. it begins with poetry from his earlier years, of when he was with dinah and then afterwards, when she dies

the second poetry book is about healing, and then how sometimes you can fall back even when you’re doing good (i.e. around the time lil baby angel died)

when he finally did go back to school he had a much better mindset, seemed to be doing well--was one of the best on the track team--partied a little harder, did drugs more often than usual but nothing too extreme y’know ??

his junior year he got into a p bad car accident n derailed into a body of water after crashing his side of the car into another and losing control of his vehicle

like honestly thank god for the stranger who immediately stopped their car and went totally-hero on the situation, they got william out of the car before he could drown and essentially saved his life, before calling 911 and just. disappearing as soon as the sirens were audible

somehow his left leg got mc’fucked in the incident and it just so happened to ruin his track career

also gave william a fear of swimming/deep water + driving. like. he never wants to be in control of a car again. it really added onto his anxiety and was probably the root of his panic disorder tbh

he took another year off of school to recover from his injuries and to just fucking...put himself in some therapy, because he knows. when it’s time to take care of himself. is really still determined to b the best, he’s just trying to take his time now.

got addicted to painkillers b/c of the injury, sought them out after his prescription ran out; it varies between oxy, vicodin, n percocets and like...they mix really badly w/ his antidepressants tbh ??

that’s v v hush-hush bc he doesn’t want people to worry about him moreso than they already do after like...all these tragic mf events y’know.

he had moved out of his greek house to live on his own but after his second time coming back to ucla he moved back in b/c that way somebody could kick his ass if he fell down the rabbit hole again y’know

his antidepressant, lexapro, causes hallucinations and now he’s been seeing dinah everywhere, hearing her voice, etc. etc. he thinks he’s finally going insane and also keeps it v hush hush b/c he doesn’t want people to think he is

he looks worse for wear but he just. keeps on pretendin’.

personality!

he’s just ... really calm tbh?

he’s always been the (or one of the) least fussy child, hated starting conflicts

if anything he’s always been a mediator ?? the peacemaker, tries to resolve things before they get outta hand

he hates fighting, physical n verbal, refuses to partake in it

even when dinah n him would get into arguments he’d be really quiet during them

that being said he wasn’t like antisocial or anything just bc he was quiet y’know ??

he was the quiet cool dude who was always popular for some fucking reason (its the height im telling u) and offered rly good advice

he’s a big fucking softie lemme tell u . . . he cries at most movies tbh

v intelligent, still carries small dumbass energy b/c he doesn’t make the best choices as u can tell

v v good at his craft, has been working on his third poetry book but has a lil bit of writer’s block atm and it’s ? torturing him tbh ?

he’s got a sense of humor but it’s like . . . kind of morbid tbh like he deals w shit via locking up his emotions and using humor as a coping mechanism

he’s a sentimental piece of shit tho we love him. he has a bottle of dinah’s favorite perfume and sprays his bed w it before he goes to sleep

that being said he really...isn’t over her, still, y’know ??

he’s 100% sure that she was his soulmate and he doesn’t think she could ever be replaced

(silly boy u cant replace people ! u just. meet people who fit u in other ways.)

hates being babied b/c he’s the oldest goddammit, that’s his job

he has a lil bit of a limp but like . . . that’s just bc his leg hurty

did i mention he’s protective bc he 100% is like listen.

he can bully his siblings. u cannot. that’s the rule sorry

even when his siblings r bullying each other he like body-flops on top of them and is p much like fucking Stop

he’s in his last yr of college but he’s doing grad school right after b/c he rly. doesn’t wanna b a partner w his dad. he doesn’t wanna own the stables or breed horses. he’s troy bolton and writing is his singing, horsebreeding is his basketball.

okay he really wants to know who tf pulled him outta the water b/c he never got to say thank u and he’s just like ?? LET ME SAY THANK U GODDAMMIT

he’s lowkey in the party scene but he’s also a bit of a wallflower when it comes to them, he prefers to drink his alcohol n watch ppl b idiots or sit on a roof high off his ass with a pal

he’ll fuck u but he wont date u but like so will most of the guys so he’s not unique he’s just a hashtag tortured artist

like it’s so hard for him to connect w others in a potentially romantic way ?? bc he just doesn’t feel anything and u cant really blame him for it tbh

has panic attacks n insomnia but u aint hear it from me

ironically........has taken up smoking cigarettes, as well.......even tho his gf died from lung cancer.......will why?

oh right bc i commanded thee

wanted connections !!

WHO PULLED HIM OUTTA THAT MF CAR CRASH ?? - i wanna know mf !!

his siblings uwu - GIVE US THE LAST HEART. PLEASE.

roommate - !! they can b chill or hate each other tbh who knows

frat bros - please.

uuuh general friends i guess ??

will they wont they - they’re rly close but will is really dumb and straight refuses to acknowledge the fact that they’d b like . . . perfect together

general unrequited things - william is emotionally unavailable, lmao, let’s see how that works w others

current hookups - he’s a bit of a slut, let’s b real. we ain’t shaming him b/c we don’t do that in 2k19 but we also speaking truths

good influences - please...help him get better

confidantes - somebody he just can fuckin complain to w/o feeling shitty or guilty for it

bad influences - make him. worse. he’s doing bad but he’s not at his worst yet.

anything. else. u want. i will do. i can do. i am god. i have ultimate power. william is my pAWN.

#uclas:intro #lmao here he is #please love him he's fragile #he's a good boy he's just a lil damaged #very damaged #but ykno...he's fine #smoking tw #uwuwuwuwu

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im-whatchamccallit · 6 years

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Aggravate//Kim Wonpil (Day6)

Pairing: Kim Wonpil x Reader

Genre: Overall angst, Fluff towards the end

Warnings: Prolly not

Words: 2.1k

(A/N: Might be a lot of typos and kinda trash but this is my first writing outside of fluff so... Yay?!)

I slowly made my way into the nearly empty recording room, the only person present being Wonpil. His eyes were focused on the sheet of lyrics lying on the desk in front of him, he lips mumbling words yet his pupils barely moving along the lines as he slouched forward. He looked awful but I wouldn’t tell him that, he needed my support.

They had finished a major tour and, now, they were back, only to spend more days in the studio and less time relaxing, which was unusual for Wonpil since he always spent the first few days by my side. Maybe it’s been the year or so we’ve been together that made me cling to him like a koala to a tree but I was quickly starting to miss seeing him every night and day, before work and after work, even talking about anything before we went to bed, my only time with him being me sneaking out to see him with crappy excuses. Tonight’s being that I bought them coffee.

I gave a small smile, although he didn’t bother to look up and see it, as I placed one of the coffees by his side, leaving the others on a nearby table. I shyly walked behind his chair, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my cheek to his hair, only receiving an unenthusiastic “hi” and a pat on my hand.

“Where are the others?”

“Went to get food.” Gosh, even his response were monotone and void, but I tried to keep my optimism, hoping it’ll rub off on him.

“Well, you know you could have went. You could probably use the break.”

“Your arms are in the way, (Y/N).” I sighed and rolled my eyes, removing my arms as I stood up straight.

He immediately ducked back down and grabbed his pen, writing a few more lines for his song. I stood there, waiting for some kind of response that proved he acknowledged my existence but he went back to his zombie-like state. Their recent comeback was amazing so, maybe, he was under pressure trying to find something to top it, although everything they did was stellar. But he was pushing himself too hard, it made feel uneasy watching his head tilt to the side as if he were dozing off, my body immediately moving around him to grab the coffee.

“Here, can you at least drink some?” His head immediately perked up as he turned to the room temperature substance, wrapping a hand around mine and the cardboard sleeve before dragging it to his lips.

I watched happily as he drank it before noticing the lid wasn’t on completely, my hands trying to cautiously close it but it was much harder than I thought. I held on tightly to the cup, trying to press down on the lid but seeing it only slip open slightly more, Wonpil groaning while trying to pull away.

“I’m just trying to close it so it doesn’t spill all over y-“

“Dammit!” I jumped back as he screamed out, my hand grasping the cup too hard that it exploded all over the desk, covering his papers and dripping onto him.

I hurriedly placed the useless cup down before rushing to him, trying to help in any way I could.

“I’m so sorry. Just let me hel-“

“No! Stop!” Wonpil stood immediately and I moved back as far as possible, the room much smaller than I remembered as I felt against his synthesizer, gasping as we turned to see it lying on the ground.

Wonpil immediately ran over to place it back on its stand but, instead, only picked up a chipped piece of a key. I felt my heart stop as he stood up and glared at me, my throat growing dry as I tried to stutter out an apology but he was angry. It was something I’ve never seen with him and it was almost terrifying, even when he raised his voice at me I felt like a child being scolded.

“Wonpil,”

“Why are you even here? Every night when you show up, all you do is bother me and distract me! As if things weren’t hard enough, you just made them ten times worse! How the hell am I supposed to fix this, (Y/N)?!”

“I’ll fix it. I’m sorry!”

“No, you won’t. You never supported me being in a band, you can’t even be bothered to just let me work!” I stared at him incredulously, no longer feeling sorry but angry at his words.

“Never supported you? The only reason I come here is because you’re barely home! You tour for months at a time just to hide away here and sleep ever few hours, and all I get is a lousy ‘I’m fine’ text but you’re not! I’ve supported you for the past year and a half, and you think I’m doing this to hurt you?”

“No, you’re doing this to annoy me. Have I ever gone to your job and destroy everything you’ve worked on? No! Because I’m not that fucking selfish!”

I fell silent as I pursed my lips, my eyes stinging with tears as I took a deep breath, trying not to lose myself.

“Wonpil, shut up before we both say something we’ll regret.”

“(Y/N), I want you to just go home, go to bed, and leave me alone!”

The faint squeaking of the door alarmed me that the others were back, and they most likely heard everything, causing my face to grow hot with anger and embarrassment. I looked at Wonpil, seeing his face go between emotions as we stared at one another. Anger, confusion, sadness, regret; all in under a second.

“You know what? I will leave you alone, Wonpil.” I hurriedly turned and headed for the door, moving past the scared yet confused bunch so they wouldn’t see me crying, my teeth sinking into the inside of my cheek as I tried to hold back a sob.

I could hear the faint sounds of them asking what happened with Wonpil’s distressed voice fading as I pushed through the exit, the brisk midnight air hitting my face immediately as I made my way around the corner. Whenever I was upset, I took the long way home, Wonpil pointed it out to me once. But, I decided to take a shortcut this time, knowing that, if he did try to come looking for me, he wouldn’t find me right away.

~*~

I had only been home for twenty minutes but I was already missing it. My eyes stared down at the suitcase and small backpack filled with clothes and other necessities, the chiming on my phone making me both anxious and relieved. Anxious that it may be my friend saying she was outside for me, relieved that it may be Wonpil texting me again. But, even if it was him, I felt like crawling into a hole just so I wouldn’t have to face him. I know he’s just stressed and needed some space to finish his work but, everything he said, it felt like he’s been holding it in for so long. That’s what he always did. He never told me what bothered him but made me tell him my problems, trying to find ways to fix it even when they weren’t in need of fixing. But how could I fix his problems when the problem is me?

Wonpil was always the clingy one when we first started dating. He never let me leave without as much as a hug, he never let me sleep until he knew I ate, he’d even visit me at work just to drop off lunch and tell me he loved me. He knew that his affection would make my stand-offish nature turn into utter neediness? Thinking back, I was always on his back, even if I was just worried about him. Maybe leaving him alone is the best option. Some time apart could probably do us some good.

I slowly grabbed my phone and saw a text from Sungjin, a small sigh leaving as I opened it.

‘Wonpil’s looking for you. Why aren’t you answering?’

I could practically hear his frustration through the words. Now I suddenly became the other’s burden as well. I needed to leave.

I stood from the sofa and slid my phone into my back pocket, gripping my bags and preparing to just head to some bus station, my friend obviously not planning to respond at this time of night. I jumped as I heard the front door slam against the wall before slamming shut, my eyes widening as Wonpil rushed into our living room, his body freezing as we stared at one another. His face contorted a bit as he let a small sob slip past his lips his eyes began to water, my hands immediately dropping my bags to approach him, our arms wrapping around one another as he finally began to cry. I let out a weak gasp as he held onto me tighter, my hands just rubbing his back as he buried his face into my neck.

“Please don’t leave, please. I’m so sorry I yelled at you and called you annoying and said you were selfish; I didn’t mean any of it, (Y/N). I’m so sorry, just don’t leave.” He sounded so broken, his voice shaky as he stuttered out his apology.

I didn’t know what to do now. Part of me wanted to just tell him we should be apart for a few days, part of me wanted to confront him and ask why he said those things if he didn’t mean them, and the rest of me just didn’t want to let him go. I’ve seen him cry many times before yet it was just the same as his anger, it had to take a lot for him to get this way. The residue from our argument still remained, needing to be addressed and swept away yet I couldn’t force that onto him now, not in his state.

I sighed and brought my hands to his shoulders, pushing him so he was standing up right, his face slightly red as tears continued to pour from his eyes and he attempted to silence his sobs. My hands instantly cupped his face as my thumbs wiped away his tears, his eyes opening as I gave a small pursed lip smile. He looked exhausted and defeated, it honestly could have made me cry again.

“What you said hurt me, Wonpil, and, obviously, it hurt you too. But you’re stressed and tired and working your ass off for your career, but you can’t expect me to not worry about or visit you while you’re practicing when you don’t answer your phone after getting off a month long tour. But, you were right before, we need some time apart.”

“(Y/N), plea-“

“I’m not leaving but I will give you your space. I’ll let you work, I’ll let you practice, I’ll let you do whatever needs to be done. We’ll have to talk about this eventually but, until then, I just want you to lay down and sleep and stop worrying. Please.”

I smiled as his face faded into relief. Wonpil leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead, a groan as his tear stained cheek touched my skin, his arms leaving my body before grabbing my bags, carrying them halfway to our room before looking back to me.

“I’ll be there, I promise.” I reassured him, watching his lips curl upwards before heading further back and finally away inside our room.

I sighed and grabbed my phone, quickly texting my friend I no longer needed a ride, not that she would be of any help at 3am anyways. I clicked on Sungjin’s name in my contacts, ready to press call when, suddenly, his name appeared on my screen. I quickly answered.

“(Y/N), have you seen Wonpil?”

“Yeah, he’s about to go to bed. Listen, Sungjin, this may seem like I’m intruding on your lives, but, please go home and rest. All of you. Even take the day off tomorrow to do what you want. Just don’t overwork yourselves.”

There was a brief silence before a simple ‘okay’ was heard, making me sigh a bit.

“Are you and Wonpil okay?” I looked back to the bedroom, the lights off now signaling Wonpil took my advice.

Our argument was heated, and left a few bruises for us both, but I had reasons to forgive him. Yet, I couldn’t use those reasons forever if it did happen again. Besides his apologies and how sincere they were, I still had my doubts. Maybe it wasn’t just stress, maybe he wasn’t just tired. What if I was right before and all the tension from our relationship piled up within him and he finally exploded, and it was all my fault? Would we be fine then? Hell, knowing that I caused my boyfriend’s agitation, would I be alright? No one could tell at this point, and I couldn’t pretend that I did.

“I don’t know, Sungjin. I really don’t know.”

#kim wonpil imagines #kim wonpil scenarios #kim wonpil reactions #kim wonpil fanfics #kim wonpil au #day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 reactions #day6 fanfics #day6 au #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #kpop au

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rydenbolt · 6 years

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@thisbrutalbelle

Honorable mentions @scarlettxruby @strangerein @monsterbyamile @ianncardero @ephrampettaline

(Finally, edited and posted, way late! Tagged for everything under the sun because when these two talk about their fucked up lives, they need all the tags. Hope I didn’t miss anything, if I did, let me know! Also, we are missing the first few posts, they got lost in action lol Under read more because long, with disturbing convos.)

If the young wolf was bothered any by Bella’s lack of face paint, he didn’t show it. And as a matter of fact, he totally wasn’t. He hardly noticed the difference. But that was just Ryden not knowing anything about makeup in general. Neither his mom nor Sarah used much. So he ended up uneducated in these things. He still wondered what lash curler was used for. When Bellamy explained things further about what Ruby had done, Ryden couldn’t help cringe at that. That was… bad. Bad, bad move. People were probably shocked. “Yeesh… Well, I guess shit happens when you get drunk.” He shrugged. “I was there when she got bit. We weren’t sure if she would turn. I mean, there’s still a tiny chance she won’t, right?”

Bella pulled her lips to one side. She had known Ruby a while even if they hadn’t interacted often. Bella always hoped Ruby would mature a little, pull herself together, but it always seemed just out of reach for the human. Still, she didn’t know of Ryden’s exact relationship with her so didn’t intend to say anything when there was no specific need. However, as he continued she immediately ground her teeth. Of-fucking-course Ruby was turned directly in front of someone, of course she had dragged them into something like that and they were now stuck with that, with seeing that and feeling that worry for her she had incited in Bellamy, and in her ex-husbands, and Bellamy just folded her arms. “Honestly? Tiny, super fucking tiny, depending on when she was bit maybe bigger but…fuck, were you okay?” she asked him, unfolding her arms to reach up, the tips of her fingers moving his head this way and that before trailing his arms and feeling for any bite marks.

“I’m cool, babe. If there was anythin’, it’s long gone.” Ryden hummed, letting her turn his head this way and that to inspect him. It was nice, having someone to worry about him in a town full of basically strangers. “Don’t worry sweetness. I’m a tough cookie~ Wanna grab a drink with me by the way? I am thirsty yo… This heat, I can’t…” Ryden fanned himself with his hand a little - he wasn’t good with heat in general, being a furnace himself, but a place full packed of people, all this energy being burned into the air had Ryden practically drenched in sweat. For once, he just craved water. Gallons and gallons of it. In a pool he could submerge himself in, if possible.

Not noticing anything worrying on his form she let her hands fall. For all the two flirted with one another Bellamy knew it was mostly an outside amusement to the two of them. Perhaps one that bordered on inappropriate but they’d talked about things, and Bellamy trusted Ryden and that trust wasn’t based on nothing. He’d shared with her, he mattered to her. Perhaps most people were strangers but Bella felt like they were friends. “You definitely deserve a drink,” she smiled, starting over to the bar, lifting her hand and assisting in fanning him though it likely made no difference. “What is your place like, by the way? Because I can’t imagine your bath or shower is going to be very relaxing,” she teased him as she raised her hand and a bartender immediately came over. They brought Bellamy one of her usual drinks but waited for Ryden to order before grabbing it.

“Oh, well, I bunk with a nymph at the train tracks in this house he lives in. It’s cool, kind of reminds me of one of my childhood homes. Like… the fourth out of at least ten, heh.” Ryden joked but honestly, he haven’t had a proper bath - like, fill the tub up and soak in for hours - in months. Maybe longer. He took showers regularly though, while on the road, managing. If Ryden was anything, he was resourceful, easily swimming in whatever waters life decided to throw him in. He ordered water and a bunch of ice, and please make it a bucket-full, yes.

That sounded so weird, train tracks, she didn’t know there were that many places around there but she hadn’t yet been to Ryden’s home. Why go to his when her own was large, full of food, and had an amazing sauna bath? “That’s a lot of homes,” she noted. “Did you live with your parents?” It was hard to imagine people without them, purely because Bella had both until she was a teenager and her father bailed on them, but logically she knew that wasn’t always the case. “Well if you ever need an escape you can always use my place, I’m only there half the time anyway.”

“With my momma. We moved a lot cause we got evicted a lot. Cause we were piss poor.” Ryden explained, not looking phased about it. “Aww, babe. Not fun if ya ain’t there.” He gave her a gentle pinch to her side. His water was served and he practically chugged it down in one go, spilling some down his chin and chest. Then he dipped his entire hand into the bowl of ice, taking a handful and rubbed it against the back of his neck with a groan.

Bella nodded her head. She’d had friends like that but it had never been her life and she knew she could never totally grasp what that was like for an eight year old child. When she was eight she cried that the church wouldn’t put her in the Christmas pageant because she sounded like a screaming cat when she sang. “I lived in a white picket fence cul de sac Barbie dream house,” Bellamy told him. “But I still would have run away and lived with you because I made dumb decisions,” she smirked, looking at her own drink for a moment. She had run away sort of, thrown out actually but she could have gone back if she’d got sober. “Aww, maybe another night. I told Miles I’d crash at his place tonight,” she stated and the two of them needed to talk about him springing on her at the fry place whether or not she wanted to meet his kids. “But when I have a free night you can come over and we’ll wear swimmers in the sauna and watch movies and I’ll put you in a fancy robe.”

Ryden just had to bark out a laugh at that. “Baby, that sure would’ve been a very, very bad decision. Teen me was piss poor, on the streets most o'the time, kicked out of school and on a good path to become a criminal and a coke addict. No girls should be havin’ any o'that.” He admitted because it was true. By his eighteenth year, Ryden had no prospects, no future and no brain. And until Sarah came along, things weren’t any better. “No problem babe.” He nodded, totally not bothered by Bellamy choosing Miles over hanging out with him. It was perfectly normal and he had no problems with that. “Shit… You actually do have a sauna at your place, huh? You’re not shittin’ me??”

Bella scratched the back of her neck. “Basically was what I had,” she scrunched up her face. “I drank a lot back then, I mean, I drink now but my vampire body can take it. I drank to black out then and didn’t really…live up to my potential or whatever. All my friends were either drop kick addicts like me or dealers,” she ran her hand over her thigh, putting her drink down. “That’s sort of why I…choked you that first night we met. All your…tattoos freaked me out.” Bella swallowed saliva in her mouth, staring at her fingers still, watching as they balled into tiny fists hard against her thighs. “Reminded me of someone I knew with you that close to me, all I could see was your inked skin.” Obviously she didn’t feel that way now, she knew this was Ryden and that she was safe with him. Fortunately his words lifted her a little. “I do, and a steaming hot rain shower,” she smiled at him, lifting her head as he had her feelings. “And more bathbombs than I could ever need.”

No wonder they hit it off so quickly - Bella and Ryden were more similar than they realized. The young wolf nodded in understanding, the way a former addict would understand another one of their kind, without any further elaborate explanations on the topic. He knew exactly how it was. “Yeah I guess… us bein’ bitten and turned was kinna both a blessin’ and a curse, yeah? Cause when Sarah…” He swallowed a lump stuck in his throat. It was odd to be able to talk to someone about it so freely - to someone who knew enough of the story to understand. “When Sarah was killed, I woulda prolly gone back to it. Shit, the next day, when I came back from the police station and took care of everythin’ I… I took a hit so hard I fuckin’ lost meself so deep down the rabbit hole I reached China. Stayed coked up till the funeral. God knows what I did in that house those few days. Prolly contemplatin’ killin’ myself with a rusty spoon, heh.” He could laugh about it now, sure, but it actually mortified him. It mortified him that he broke the promise he gave to the woman he loved. He promised her he’d not get into trouble again, stay out of jail and get clean. The minute she was gone, he broke all of it. And that made him a trash of a person. Looking back at Bella, he was surprised to get an explanation on something he’d already forgotten all about. “That someone hurt you, baby?” He asked, although of course, Bella wasn’t obligated to explain. At the mention of a rain shower, Ryden groaned. “Oh my god, I always wanted to try those… Shit, baby doll, I might just take ya up on that offer and come over for some quality bath time.”

Bella usually would have laughed at his play on words but the fact was it wasn’t funny that something like that had happened, that Ryden had fallen down into that dark place when he lost someone. It was a twofold kind of hurt that Bellamy herself couldn’t completely grasp because she had never lost someone that exceptionally dear to her. Really she didn’t think his wife would have held his actions against him, surely she’d have been able to understand from where ever she was. Besides, Ryden was clearly clean now, a few days of hurt couldn’t possibly make or break who he was. “Was it the funeral that made you stop?” she asked him, hands still on her thighs. Hurt sounded like an exaggeration because at the time she was already so fucked up, what was this one act? What was the importance of it done a few times in the grand scheme of things? And really if she said yes other times… Bella shook her head, knowing her thoughts weren’t right but still feeling them anyway. “Yeah, I guess, sort of. You know how it is when you’re like that, it’s like you don’t really know what shit was really happening and what…what you did to be a part of it.” At his agreement of coming over to try the rain shower though she smiled happily. “A puppy and a doll having a bath, it sounds like we’re toys in some kids playroom,” she giggled.

Ryden huffed, chuckling bitterly. “No. Made me wanna do it again. The bite made me stop. For obvious reasons. It was just… bigger than that.” Ryden watched her as she practically admitted nothing but actually said far more than she meant. Ryden instantly figured it out. He dropped what was left of the ice back into the bowl to melt. “I lived in a bad hood. Like… real bad hood. There was this guy there, one of our neighbors, when I was twelve. He was sixteen an’ he was… well, he knew shit. He smoked, he had a few tats. He spoke like he put up with no shit. He could drive a car. Yanno. Cool stuff stupid boys like us found so fuckin’ impressive. So we flocked to Benny. Benny was our god. So one day, my momma sent me to the store, and I see Benny hangin’ out in the hallway, no shirt on, smoking a cig. He calls me up. I drop off the stuff, come up and am like, what’s up B? And he gets me into his apartment and asks me if I want some.” “Now, where I lived, ‘want some’ meant only two things. Not a snack. Not refreshments your momma brings to yer room for your friends. It meant, ya wan’t some crack or ya want some pussy. I froze. And said yeah. So he opens his bedroom and there was… this girl. We all knew her. I can’t… remember her name for the life of me but we knew who she was. She did things for a fix. Yanno. And she was lying there on the bed, naked as she can get, drugged up outta her mind. Benny closed the door. And there I was, standin’ like I crapped my drawers, twelve years old, scared shitless. Scared to hurt her, scared to get out and get beat for bein’ a pussy. Or worse, a fag. My hood suffered no homos.” “So I just stood there for long enough for Benny to think I did somethin’. And when I got out I put my zipper down, just to make it seem real. And outside in the livin’ room, Benny had called up other kids from the block in the meantime. And the next kid got in right after me…” Ryden ran his tongue over his teeth, looking away for a second. “I didn’t dare to get out of my room for days. Couldn’t get it out of my head.” He looked back down at Bella. As random as this story seemed, he shared it for a reason. He shared it because maybe Bellamy would share hers too. Because he could guess really well what happened to drunk, drugged up girls when they went out. And it was horrible. Absolutely horrible. But then a smile twitched his lips apart and he threw an arm around her, pulling her close. “Sounds so fuckin’ cute I think I’ll die, yo~”

Bella felt awful things down her spine as Ryden spoke, immediately feeling out of place in the crowded restaurant that had become a club for the night. Her hands made their way from her thighs to her arms and wrapped around herself, fingers buried in the fur of her jacket. She knew exactly the kind of guy that he was talking about because that was Jason to a T. The tats, the drugs, the car, all that stuff that made him seem like hot shit even though he was one of the only other white people in their neighborhood. The more Ryden spoke the worse Bellamy felt, a churning in her stomach as he spoke about seeing this girl, lying on a bed completely fucked up. Bella knew what that was like beyond a shadow of a doubt. Admittedly she was scared of what Ryden would say next, after all he was twelve, it wasn’t just happening to this woman, it was happening to him too. This shady fucking guy telling him to do this awful and fucked up thing. But he didn’t, he pretended but he didn’t and that made her feel a little relief. To imagine Ryden would have been hurt that way, to have the memory of doing that would have broken her tiny vampiric heart. Still, it was traumatizing but at least he could look back and know he hadn’t done it. “I think you were pretty strong not to cave. All these people telling you that to be something you had to do this fucked up thing and you didn’t,” she said, still clinging to herself, already wishing she had more drinks than what was before her. Yet the cocktail was still there and she reached for it, finishing the whole thing. It was habit now more than addiction. The only thing she could be addicted to now was blood but it was the idea that she could get blacked out and fucking forget like she’d done throughout her youth that made her still instinctively reach for her drink. “I don’t know if where I lived was bad, but…I hung out with bad sorts of people because - because my life wasn’t real, least I didn’t believe it was. There was this guy, Jason, and he would give me rides places and when I didn’t want to be at school I’d drive around with him while he dealt and we’d fuck and steal from convenience stores, and then, you know, eventually we’d be somewhere everyone was drinking and smoking and doing shit and sooner or later I’d be blacked out. I honestly don’t remember like half of being a teenager but…,” she paused, placing her glass down in case she grasped it so hard she broke it. Bellamy hadn’t told anyone specifically what had happened, the first person she tried to tell had told her it was her own fault, and so telling others became too scary. What if they felt the same? Iann and Ephram assumed but never asked, seeing how much Bella blamed herself. “I remember some stuff, hazes of things. I remember him climbing on top of me and my hands not working, like I tried lifting and pushing but nothing happened but laughter. And there were others, his friends, whenever I was like that and whenever I was just…fucked. I don’t know how often it happened but…when I was fine I mean, I still slept with him, I still slept with lots of people, probably even the people that…whatever. So, why wouldn’t they think it was okay, you know? If I was sober I probably would have said yes.” Immediately she was trying to justify it, trying to say how it was okay what had happened, that her feeling like she had been hurt was stupid because she had done things before or after that allowed it. She was so young, and so lost, and now it was hard not to blame that stupid girl, even if it still made her sick to think of what had happened. “I don’t think it was anyone as young as you were though.” Think being a key word that frightened her even more.

“How could I cave in? Everythin’ in me screamed against it. It’s not strong. It’s… shit, it was wrong and I just couldn’t do it…” Ryden shook his head. Looking at him, everyone probably thought he had been picking up girls early on with that pretty face and smooth talking, leather jacket and the bike. He didn’t. He’d barely managed to get himself a girlfriend in high school after this and they haven’t done much till he was eighteen. Things like these happening throughout his life made the teenage Ryden into one very withdrawn, angry boy, scared of ending up like his no good dad, who got a seventeen-year-old pregnant and left. Scared of becoming a bully while at the same time being scared of what would happen to him if he didn’t fit in. Would some little fuck come up to him and pull out a knife, stab him in the gut cause someone spread the word around that he was a homosexual cause they heard he didn’t play around? Would someone wait for him in a dark alley, beat his face into the concrete within an inch of death because he went chickenshit on something everyone else seemed so proud of? Growing up with these uncertainties was not happy camping. Not in the least. And sometimes even Ryden himself wasn’t sure how he got past his twenties. Listening to Bellamy speak, it was hard not to give this guy Ryden’s face. Ryden understood perfectly well why Bellamy reacted the way she did that night at the Horned God. When she was talking about Jason, Ryden clearly saw himself. That was his life too - dealing, living on the streets, robbing stores, vending machines, ATMs, stealing cars and selling the parts or just going for joyrides before leaving the vehicle wrecked up in some ditch. Drinking, doing coke, doing some pot, meth even. Crack. Whatnot. Ryden had been everything but strong as a kid. He’d been a fucking coward. As cowardly as this Jason dude. Given, at least he’d never forced himself on anyone. If he beat someone up it was because they would strike first. If a girl said no, he backed away. If he was too drunk or high, if he blacked out, he blacked out where no one would see, where he wouldn’t do something stupid. Mostly next to a dumpster, in his own puke. Or in some ditch. Or on a bench. It was sad, pathetic, stupid. Not much different from that prick Bella hung out with. “Babe… Between a yes and the silence there’s a whole world of difference. A guy needs to be one seriously sick asshole to touch a girl who’s not feelin’ well. To touch a girl who… blacked out. Who can’t speak, can’t move… It’s sick and those dudes make me wanna barf. What they did was… it was rape, baby. It was not fine, it was not okay just cause ya slept with 'um b'fore. It was sick and it was rape. End of story. No excuses. The only thing ya did wrong, baby doll, is that you didn’t love yourself enough to walk away from it. To walk away from an asshole who would leave his girl helpless, defenseless for every ugly, vile motherfucker to hurt and use.”

To have such conviction at such a young age was strong though. Bellamy didn’t imagine many of those kids walked into that room able to not do anything because obviously Ryden had been scared about it being found out he hadn’t done anything. This older kid, in a place where no one was really looking out for you, people would do what they had to. Didn’t make it right, didn’t make it okay, but also didn’t make it fucking easy to not become something awful. “But to be twelve and to think it was wrong, to know it was wrong and to not do it even though you had some fucked up guy telling you that you had to… I mean, that’s fucked up what was happening and you did the right thing, puppy,” she said, reaching out and taking his hand in her own, squeezing it gently. He didn’t much feel like a puppy anymore but he was still that to her, incredibly sweet and loyal and clearly not willing to hurt people without cause. As Ryden said what she had seen in shows, heard in ads and read on the internet she knew logically he was right. These were things she had told herself but it was hard to believe it. It was hard to think someone you considered a friend would really want to hurt you, that they did it knowing it was wrong, and beyond that it was hard when she had been told before that it was her fault, that she put herself in that place. Believing that was so much easier than believing that she really had been…raped. A word she barely liked to think, and certainly felt uncomfortable saying. “Takes a while to love yourself,” she mused, still holding onto Ryden’s hand. “Moment I found out my parents had me to perpetuate the lie that their relationship was I just…I don’t know, didn’t figure I really mattered very much. And so it was easier to get drunk and forget I existed. You had a reason you turned to everything you did, right?”

“Yeah.. well…” Ryden shrugged his broad shoulders, suddenly looking small and shrunk despite his bulk. “I wish I stayed that kid… That kid might’ve not done some other stuff I did.” He brought her hand up, kissing over her knuckles real quick before he lowered it down again, returning the gentle squeeze. “Yeah, it does… Live and learn I guess.” Reaching for another sip of the ice cold water, Ryden shrugged again. “I suppose, but I went about it in the stupidest way possible. I was just sick of bein’ poor. Sick of seein’ momma cry over bills she couldn’t pay. Sick of her not havin’ pretty things like make up, clothes, purses, what not. Sick of seein’ her work eighteen hours a day for minimum wage, tryin’ to raise a kid on her own. So, instead of helpin’ her out the right way, I went lookin’ for shortcuts. Given, the place I lived at didn’t teach me no better but my momma did try. And I didn’t listen. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I guess. My old man was the same way. Guess it’s in my blood.” Looking back at Bellamy, expression softening to one not usually found on Ryden’s features. “I’m so sorry, sweet thing… So sorry for the things that happened to ya. No girl deserves that. Wish I could take it away, wipe that slate clean for ya.”

Bella wished the same. That she could have done something for him, made it easier. Nothing he said sounded shocking considering the people she had surrounded herself with as a human. It’s why she paid ridiculously well at Erzebet’s, why she was pretty fucking lenient about people taking time off. How could she not pay someone with kids enough to support them? How could she ask they miss their birthday for something as stupid as bringing people their food? There was always someone else who had a free day. With his lips on her hand she smiled gently. Such an odd time and place for all of this but the loudness of the dancing people helped make it a little easier. “You still have your Mum?” she asked him, wondering if she even knew where Ryden was now. “And when you’re a kid it’s easy to just…want to make things easy because shits already so fucking hard. You really think you’re like your Dad now?” she questioned. “Wish I could for you too,” she told him, moving closer and wrapping her arms around his middle, soft cheeks against his firm chest, getting neon paint on her cheeks but not minding in the slightest. “I never told anybody that though, so…,” she rolled off, hoping Ryden got the implication. She wouldn’t say anything about his stuff to anyone, and she was sure he would do the same.

“Yup, still got my sweet momma.” Even though Ryden only had her, he loved his family nevertheless, despite all the stupid stuff he did. Genna was the only person in Ryden’s life who never gave up on him, never left him and was always there. She was the reason he was here now - to keep trouble away from her. To at least keep her safe. Wrapping his arms around Bella as she hugged him, he shrugged his shoulders. No one could hear them in this noise and to any who had nothing better to do than pay attention to them, they couldn’t ever guess what they’ve been talking about. “I don’t know… Sometimes? I try not to be.” He really didn’t know. Because he knew that partially, he was being irrational about it. This like father like son enchanted circle was still something Ryden was trying to run away from. And he wasn’t sure how far away from it he’d gotten. “Yeah…” He muttered softly, kissing the top of her blonde head. “I’ll take it to the grave, babe. Scouts honor.” He promised as he let her go.

“You should bring her by,” Bellamy told him, a smile coming onto her face as she realized Ryden wasn’t alone. Her own mother was in her life but she’d never been close to Bellamy, Louise had always created a purposeful distance between herself and her daughter. Besides, if his mother truly had done so much for him then she deserved to have some things done for her. “Treat her to some spa treatments at Antoinette’s, dinner here when it’s not like this,” she insisted. Maybe he didn’t want to see his mother here, or maybe he wanted more control over what he was before he brought her by. “Well, I think you’re wonderful, and if your dad sucks then you’re not like him to me,” Bellamy assured, squeezing him gently as she held him in her arms, it was hard to let go after all of that. It was a strange relief to let it out to someone, to really share. Bella knew that for Ryden he’d probably shared with Sarah, and perhaps others from before he came here, but she was happy she could possibly bring him some relief in the town as he was giving her. “As if you were a Scout,” Bellamy teased, pulling away and looking up at him with that big grin on her face.

“No.” Ryden refused, instantly, shaking his head. “No, she can’t come here. I can’t let her… I can’t let her know these things. Nope.” God how he’d love to bring her here. Take care of her. Pay her back for all the things she’d done for him and have her not work another day till the rest of her life. God, he’d love that. But she can’t know about the supernatural world. About what he’d become. The thought of her being scared of her own son, of a child she gave birth to but had been turned to something else now… He couldn’t stand seeing her realize this. Seeing her afraid of him. And more terrifyingly, he could not endanger her by bringing her here with him. He was away from her for a reason. It made him tense up instantly to even think about these things. Chasing those thoughts away with a roll of his shoulders, he managed a small smirk. “Thanks, babe. Appreciated…” But her teasing did earn her a pout. “Oi! I’d make a mighty good one if they took me in, let it be known!”

Bella watched him shake his head, frowning a little as she tried to understand. She’d seen how others wanted to keep their families separate and assumed she just would never be able to understand. Her mother and father hadn’t loved her the way most children were loved and kids knew that so Bellamy had never felt very capable of loving them back. Iann she loved like family but…he had always known. “Perhaps you could pay her a visit then, borrow some of my cars, take her to a nice dinner, go see a show or something,” she suggested with a smile. Whatever the case if he had his mother Bellamy didn’t want him to lose her because of what he was now. “I mean, you might have looked cute in the little uniform with all of your tattoos, and admittedly I love the idea you know how to tie a knot or two but, come on, boy scout?” she asked with a raised brow.

“Yeah… maybe one day.” Ryden concluded this particular topic with that, because going deeper into it would require explaining who the Man in Black was and what exactly Ryden was doing here, so far away from home. And that might endanger not only Bellamy but maybe even others he’d met in this town. If they didn’t know, they wouldn’t have the need to protect him and in turn, the Man in Black will not lash out and hurt anyone for it or worse. If he tries to pass through this town. “Hey, at least it could be a good porn movie theme.” He shrugged, giving Bellamy a wicked grin, especially if she proclaimed that that was gross and totally inappropriate.

Ryden seemed quite resistant to discussing his mother which was strange considering all he had shared. There was no intention on her part to push though, signaling the bartender to bring her another drink as her own way of acknowledging the conclusion of the topic. She was sure that there was a reason, there had to be but Ryden had already shared so much of himself Bellamy knew that she didn’t need to be greedy, eventually she would know. When he felt comfortable enough with the topic itself, or with himself, or whatever it was that was blocking him. “Well if you ever decide to do it then we know what your first movie will be,” she smirked. “Personally I don’t think I have the personality for it but you? I could see it.”

“Nawww, contrary to all beliefs actually. I would seriously be bad at it. I mean, yeah, sure, I’d look good on camera or whatever but the moment I’d have to do it, I’d be like… yeah, nope, camera shy, sorry, he’s hiding now, byeeee, heh.” Although Ryden liked to joke about it and had the kind of vulgar humor that would make any prude’s skin crawl, it was the truth. Aside from how he looked, he wasn’t really made to be a porn star or alike, and neither did he plan to do it. Still, he did admire the people who could. “I guess we’ll both just have to settle for sendin’ amateurish nudes to whoever’s interested, heh.”

Bella snorted as he said he’d be camera shy, amused by the picture of a confident Ryden becoming quite small the moment a camera was turned in his direction. “Mine are not amateur, any picture of me is practically art,” she insisted, though her phone filled with selfies said quite the contrary. If she needed that many shots of one outfit or make-up look from one angle then it lost its credibility as art and just became insta-hoeing. “I’m sure yours are amateur though, awkwardly angled ab shots with your sweatpants vaguely visible. And with all your tattoos photoshopping yourself would be much harder,” she happily teased, linking her arm with his own. It was nice they had relaxed, especially since eventually he’d have to get back up on stage.

“Oooh, excuse us mere mortals standin’ in the presence of such greatness~” Ryden chirped with a wide grin, giving the petite vamp a little nudge with his elbow before they linked their arms together. “Yeah, I’m terrible at it but hey! I always looked better in person. That sure counts for far more likes than on Facebook.” He shrugged, ordering another glass of ice-chilled water. Because he was still kind of dying.

“Facebook? How old are you again?” Bella continued to tease, watching as he ordered more water. She’d never know what that sort of need felt like again. The need of someone living to quench a thirst not because they were an unholy creature but because they’d been sweating like mad for hours in a very crowded location. She missed it and thoughtlessly her fingers trailed along the warmth of his arm, hoping she might feel it by proxy. She didn’t. “How many of those are you going to need to get back up there, puppy?” she asked, raising her hand for another cocktail. It would do nothing but…it would feel like she wasn’t just standing there like a strange dead thing.

“Olllddd~ Still stuck in the age of VHS and push button desk phones.” Glancing down at her, Ryden gave her a look. “You know what? You’re a slave driver. Fine, fine! I’m goin’!” He moved to leave, but it was obvious he was joking about it.

Bella rolled her eyes. She was twenty-four so she could still remember VHS tapes and push button desk phones but they were definitely hazy childhood memories. It was actually weird to think of, remembering using a cordless house phone to call her friends in elementary school. Then in high school everyone with their colorless nokia phones. When he pulled to leave though she just gripped him tighter, pulling him back to her. “No, I need you for as long as you can spare for me.”

Of course Ryden didn’t intend to leave yet, so it was easy to pull him back to sit. The party was perfectly capable to go on without him for at least another fifteen minutes. He grinned at her. “Oh, she needs me now. Go figure.” He took another long sip of ice water. “So, ya been to get some fries and didn’t bring me some? I’m miffed.”

“I actually felt a little bad leaving without you,” Bella admitted. Ryden had worked so hard on the party and to leave for something like fries felt cruel but she hadn’t wanted to abandon Miles in favor of Ryden, especially when he was busy. “You didn’t miss much but a little drama though.”

“S’okay, babe. Drama’s not my thing anyway.” Ryden reassured her, definitely not annoyed because he’d been left to manage by himself. As a matter of fact, he’d hardly noticed anyone was gone. They had a full house tonight and he was kept busy. And talking about busy, he would have to go up there soon for real. Maybe after another drink with his baby doll though.

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abso-lute · 4 years

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10/29/2020

Time flies so fast when you grow older. Today a month ago was miserable. Couldn’t hold back tears driving to work in complete silent. Couldn’t hold back tears while working in the milk tea shop. I hope none of my tears accidentally mixed with the drinks and sell out to customers haha. I tried so hard not to cry, trust me when I said so. And trust me when I say I don’t usually cry. So when I’m sobbing like that I meant it. It hurts so bad. Not the same painful feelings that I felt from the other relationships. I’ve been through many relationships so I thought I would be stronger this time. Obviously that wasn’t the case.

This whole past month, not a single day I don’t dream of her. I don’t dream much neither. Now that I think about. Sometimes I woke up crying. There was night, I swear she was right next to me, sleeping safe and sound like before. I swear I can felt her warm. I can hear her breathing. I hugged her and it felt real. She even turns back and kissed me. I hugged her so hard, with every strength I have in my body so she wont go away. Just to wake up in tears yet again. It’s getting exhausted really. I just don’t know why though. I’m the one that done her wrong, so terribly wrong that I can’t confess to anyone what I’ve done. Becomes something I hated and despite. Even though I didn’t mean it. I swear I didn’t mean to hurt her. Yet, I done just that, hurt her beyond explaining. Can’t talk to her anymore. Can’t see myself deserve to talk to her or beside her anymore. I became a quitter, a scum of society. This is not self pity really. It’s juts I fully accepted what happened to be my fault. It’s just weird how I don’t cry anymore. Not that much. Yesterday I did have like 3 break down where I uncontrollably sobbing up though. I looked like shit right now haha. No one to talk to about feelings anymore. Not to those that’s around me at least. I talked to my online friend though. She’s in Germany, we been friends for 5 6 years now I think. I don’t remember. I’m really appreciated for the fact that she listen but due to different timeline and I guess different in language she doesn’t really reply much. But at least I feel good for getting my feelings out there and recognized by someone. That’s good. Cuz honestly I was going insane. I couldn't stop thinning about the worst possible outcomes and that I might really should just end my life here and now. I don’t know anymore. I’m really exhausted really. Just hanging off the excuse that I should at least make my mom proud by getting her a house or something. I want to clean up my mess. But it hard really. Everywhere I go all I saw is her. She’s everywhere. In my bed, in my apartment. Every time I came back home to get stuff, it always ended up me driving back to my apartment with tears. 2 and half years worth of memories. Laughing, sleeping, breathing together under the same roof. I don’t know why she let it go so fast. Was I really that shitty of a person? I guess I was and still am. I’m not that sad anymore really. I know I’ll be fine but it’s just something is missing and whenever my mind go back to look for it. It’s just so sad. I hope she’s doing okay. We haven’t talked for week now. I still have a lot of stuff to do for her. I didn’t even start on sending her stuff back. She didn’t tell her family that we broke up yet. Idk why she hides it. She gonna tell her family on 31st, they prolly gonna get mad at me. I’m afraid really. I don’t know what’s going to happened. Maybe I’ll have to go to jail? Haha. Deport maybe. My head is such a mess rn. This is just me typing exactly what I’m thinking as it goes. This is the real me, writing out my mind on the spot. Hopefully someone will understand. Doubt anyone would read a stranger;’s bull shit this far though. I don’t know. I’m so tired really. I’ve been sleeping the whole day today pretty much. Woke up, back to sleep, music to escape, woke up, music to escape, sleep, now I’m listening to music and I guess this is a form to meditate my brain but I’m very exhausted I think I’m gonna sleep soon. God I miss her. I hope people I know don’t blame her for breaking up with me. Don’t mad at her. I’m too much of a coward to tell them what actually happened. Only 2 other people beside me and her knows. At least for my side. I don’t know if she tell everyone about it. Even if she didn’t I wouldn’t blame her. I hurt her so. I’m disgusting. Pathetic really. I just don’t understand why she doesn’t see me as that. She said maybe sometime we will become friend. I don’t want to be friend though. I love her. But now honestly I don’t think I will come back to her even if she loves me. I don’t deserve her. And it won’t be right. How many relationships has I fucked up like this. How many will I have left I have no idea. But current me now, I honestly don’t know how long I’m gonna last until I’m completely break down. Haha. Emptiness really. Game can’t cure me anymore. I just want to spend my entire life saving and just listen to music. She texted me. It’s like she knows I’m in a shit hole right now. She texted me at this time haha. Well I guess I’ll end this for now.

#diary #me

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brenli · 7 years

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[[length warninnnngu]]

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 whoever the fuck you want

Tagged by: @goddamnitkastle (Thank youuuuu~)

Tagging: @annabelle-poe @halorecoil @chocostains @direngreyofmyheart @malevolentqueenofspiders @claudia86c @laura--howlett @lemonedscream @aflawedfashion @kareink @catchild @candybunnieholic @thisisntmyrealhair @ominous-communication @borgiabastard @evilwriter37 @lesbomancy @myguiltyghost @rococo-royalty @celestialcollectionaus

The Last:

1. drink: Blue Moon, Honey Wheat.

2. phone call: The Honey’s youngest brother, asking to get picked up at the driving school (he just passed his written test today~)

3. text message: Roommate P, ranting about the road block on I-90 around Vantage due to the brush fire.

4. song you listened to: The last SONG song was “Mama I’m Coming Home” Ozzy, but the last music overall that I listened to was the BGM for The Keepers.

5. time you cried: Prolly a few months back during one of the times I got a little TOO frustrated about how like, a large percentage of my life is boxed up.

6. dated someone twice: I dunno I guess my last date was when I went to see Baby Driver and basically any date with the Honey is an additional date so???

7. kissed someone and regretted it: If I have any regretful kisses they happened literally over 15 years ago. I dunno. Maybe the guy that bit my thighass area without my consent; I did kiss him prior to the biting incident. (It’s okay I hit him across the face and that was the end of that dumbness so.)

8. been cheated on: No.

9. lost someone special: When Uncle Pete passed on, which was Christmastime 2009. Christmastime used to be a little hard because of it; now the joy comes back in remembering his big Texan self.

10. been depressed: There is a part of me that feels like this is a weird question to ask someone who has depression always kind of humming in the background, but I guess the last time I let it CONSUME me was, again, a few months back when I was a little TOO frustrated about being so boxed up. While I like the work I’m doing up here more than what I was doing down there, the fact remains that this was not what I was led to believe I would be coming into. I don’t want to spend the time ranting poetic about it; it would take too long. The short of it is I’m unhappy with what feels like being misled, and even more unhappy with knowing I can’t really leave it right away. It’s been a little too easy to get eaten up, because of it. I don’t talk about it when it happens, because people always want to come at it with solutions, and there isn’t one. That’s not how this situation works. And for that matter, that’s not how depression as a mental illness works; sometimes you’re sad because you’re sad and you just have to kind of. Work through it. Process it.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Uhhhhhh, probably C’s bachelorette party, which was back in 2012.

Favorite Colors:

12. I refuse to answer this in the traditional manner screw this I hate fave color questions. XD I adore, stark black and white, sometimes with a splash of red.

13. Anything from burnished bronze and coppers to brilliant, pure golds to warm, old ivories.

14. I used to really not feel the classic Snow White primary colors kind of palette, but it’s grown on me over time - blues and reds and yellows.

In The Last Year Have You:

15. made new friend: Yes~

16. fallen out of love: No.

17. laughed until you cried: Yesterday.

18. found out someone was talking about you: Also yesterday.

19. met someone who changed you: I guess I kinda feel like everyone a person meets changes said person on some kinda level, even if only minutely. The last person to change me immensely was, I guess Dr. Lund.

20. found out who your friends are: I feel like I’m always finding out who my friends are. XD

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: Well the Honey is on my FB list so.

General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Pretty sure all of them, excluding public figure pages. Seeing as my FB is locked down from ever-watching eyes. (Sometimes I wonder what people think of my life what with me periodically mentioning being watched and my boxed up life and all sorts of weird stuff. XD)

23. do you have any pets: I have a Chocobean! There are also two other cats in the house and two dogs, who are technically claimed by others, but you know how it is when you’re sharing a space with multiple people who all have pets. It just becomes like, the pet COMMUNITY and we’re all taking care of the pet COMMUNITY basically.

24. do you want to change your name: In my youth I wanted to, very badly. Around mid-to-late highschool days I ultimately embraced my name, enough to make it the root for my online handles.

25. what did you do for your last birthday: I enjoyed the Anaguran sky and also went to watch Star Trek Beyond at the Chinese Theater in Hollywood. Got the metal popcorn tin and everything.

26. what time did you wake up: Around 8:45AM.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Watching Philip Defranco.

28. name something you can’t wait for: The Punisher for sure for sure for sure!!! Also, P securing a freaking house with freaking space so I can finally fully unbox my life, and for the conclusion of my AS series notes that I’ve been doing as a book club type situation with @halorecoil, which will help me a lot for CotF going forward. Or P securing a house with space so I can unbox my life and finally fine my note sheet. Whichever. XD

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: December 2016.

31. what are you listening to right now: The AC, a place going by (again), Frankie hissing at my Chocobean and Chocobean not giving a single fuzzy fuck about it. XD

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yeah. He was obsessed with some box. (Not really; we were performing a scene together and his CHARACTER was obsessed with some box. XD)

33. something that is getting on your nerves: SO I’VE BEEN GETTING ACTIVELY CONSUMED BY MOSQUITOS THE PAST 4 DAYS AND YOU THINK I’M KIDDING BUT I’M AT ALMOST 40 BITES NOW AND I’M GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT BECAUSE ALL THE BITES ARE SWOLLEN AND ITCHY AND RED I LOOK FUCKING TERRIBLE AND WANT TO PEEL MY SKIN OFF. 8)

34. most visited website: Tumblr. Youtube. Pinterest. Instagram.

35. hair color: Dark brown (with some natural red/auburn highlight situation going on if it’s under direct light).

36. long or short hair: Long on me, long on my Honey.

37. do you have a crush on someone: Flaming hot. On my Honey

38. what do you like about yourself: My hair, my hips.

39. piercings: Just the one hole in each earlobe. I had a navel ring but had to take it out when it started showing signs of rejection. T.T I want it back, very badly. As well as a septum ring.

40. blood type: O positive. HEY GUYS DID YOU KNOW THAT MOSQUITOS PREFER TYPE O BLOOD. DID YOU. DID YOU KNOW. BECAUSE I KNOW. I KNOW FROM FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE.

41. nickname: Bren.

42. relationship status: Married.

43. zodiac: Leo.

44. pronouns: She/her

45. favorite tv show: Man this is really a mood thing, but I guess my earliest favorite is Star Trek TOS. I’m a sucker for way back when’s like The Tudors, The Borgias, Marco Polo. House of Cards is divine, and Daredevil.

46. tattoos: Inkless, though I like to think of ideas.

47. right or left handed: Leftie~

48. surgery: The only one I’ve ever had was to get all four wisdom teeth taken out.

49. piercing: Repeat questions are for chumps.

50. sport: I’m not a sporty type, but I enjoy volleyball? If dance can be considered a sport I done BEEN interested but haven’t learned anything.

51. vacation: Boracayyyyyyyy~! Also, the Normandy region of France.

52. pair of trainers: I dunno Mama gave me a pair of black and hot pink running shoes?

More General

53. eating: Air.

54. drinking: Air.

55. i’m about to: Rest.

56. waiting for: Space.

57. want: Getaway.

58. get married: Already.

59. career: Storytelling.

60. hugs or kisses: Both.

61. lips or eyes: Both.

62. shorter or taller: Just right.

63. older or younger: Either make me 4, 19, or 75. XD

64. nice arms or nice stomach: Arms.

65. hook up or relationship: Relationship.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: A Hesitant Troublemaker.

67. kissed a stranger: Then he bit my thighass and that ended that.

68. drank hard liquor: July 4th.

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I’ve actually never lost either.

70. turned someone down: April 2016.

71. sex on the first date: Depends on what I’m trying to get out of said date prolly.

72. broken someone’s heart: The Honey’s, once.

73. had your heart broken: By the Honey, once.

74. been arrested: No.

75. cried when someone died: Yes.

76. fallen for a friend: The Honey is a friend so.

Do You Believe In:

77. yourself: Yes?

78. miracles: Yes, but not always what we’re specifically hoping for, and thus not always acknowledged.

79. love at first sight: Like at first sight.

80. santa claus: Saint Nick, yeah.

81. kiss on the first date: Gotta give ‘em something to remember you know.

82. angels: Yes.

Other

83. current best friend’s name: Lorie, Jael Face

84. eye color: Brown.

85. favorite movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), which is a great way to end this because I don’t know how expected that was. XD

#questionaire #wooooo this was a long one!

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humanscandrivestick · 7 years

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E.Q.--The Lift

I KNOW I KNOW. BUT BREATH OF THE WILD, THEN MARIO KART, THEN SPLATOON. Or, more seriously, trying not to lose my mind at work, and then rasing a puppy for the first time in 8 years. Both can contribute to hiatuses, but far be it from me to pull a Togashi. @_@ I apologize for the giant gaps but I did want to make this story polished as best I can. Its a pivotal part in Arpeggio and Felipe’s relationship.

So without further ado, the infamous lift incident that brought 2 Trancers closer together, or teeters on the rbink of pulling them apart (oh who am I kidding, we all know how Side A turns out XD)

~~~~

Felipe made an off-handed comment that gently set a ball rolling, so unnoticed and gentle that it was already running without control by the time he'd noticed. He'd good-naturedly poked Arpeggio in the side one sweltering Chicago day. "Gaining a little weight lately?" He gave him a sheepish smile afterwards, in apology for the bluntness. Arpeggio glanced at himself and shrugged. "Perhaps lately. I've been really slacking in exercise lately, what with all the work we've had." "Well, the recent busts have been good cardio," laughed Felipe. He pinched his stomach a little. "To be honest, maybe I'm projecting...I've been gaining some stomach lately too." "It happens when you sleep in and eat nothing but junk," his partner replied, giving him a short side-long glance, the TC version of a smirk. "We have a gym, don't we? Might as well start using it." Felipe thumped him on the back lightly. "How 'bout after work tonight? Its 24 hour, so even if we're in til 11, we can try and it'll be prolly empty too." Arpeggio blinked and shrugged. "I...suppose so, but I don't have any work out clothing." Felipe nudged him jokingly. "What, you can borrow mine. We're still the same size....at least til I started getting fatty." He laughed again. It was nearly 10 before the boys were able to clock out. Arpeggio, mulling over the workout plans, ended up taking a lunch break and going out to buy some rash guard shirts and workout shorts. Felipe had bought him a pair of high top white Converse sneakers, so as new as they were, he didn't think he'd need the running shoes. Since finishing his Rothbart and TC training, he hadn't bought new clothing for gym in ages. When he and Felipe headed to the gym, Felipe split off to grab something to wear while he got dressed. He switched to his eyeglasses, removing his contacts, and slipped on a dark, sapphire blue, short-sleeved rash guard, white basketball shorts with a single black line down the side of the legs and long white socks with the cream colored chucks tied in neat bows. He was on the treadmill, in the empty gym--of course, it was nearly 11:30 by now--jogging when Felipe entered. A thin red pullover hoodie, black shorts, rolled down white socks and a pair of black high top chucks he'd purchased while they were in England. He took his place next to him on an adjoining treadmill. Arpeggio kept a brisk pace, occasionally breaking into a sprint as the machine was programmed to increase his pace. Felipe, unaccustomed to regular exercise, stuck to light jogs mixed with power walking. He intended to go for at least 30 minutes, but his cardio was seriously lacking, and needed to take it more easier. He watched Arpeggio from the corner of his vision, catching himself gazing down from his toned legs up to to his chest and then the neckline. With those glasses, he was kinda....cute. Felipe started, internally. When did he start thinking this way? From their rocky start to now, from those angry 14 years to the easy going friendship at 19, Felipe had started to realize his partner wasn't the tight leash he expected all those years ago. If anything, it was more like a shadow, a mirror image, opposites that match up to make a whole. But now there was something else about him that he realized was more than friendship or admiration. Lost in these thoughts, both boys finished their workout. Arpeggio was seeing that halfway through exercising, that Felipe was now distant, distracted. He tried making small talk as they walked to the elevator, the old rickety lift that was in the back of the apartment building, where few people used it this late at night. As he pushed the call button, Arpeggio, slightly frustrated with his partner's lack of focus, said, "FELIPE." It was firm but not angry. Rousted from his thoughts, he looked up. "Uh...yeah? What?" "What's the matter, Felipe? You...haven't been listening to a word I've said." The doors finally opened and they stepped in. "Uh...sorry, I'm....kinda thinking." Arpeggio sighed and leaned against the corner as the door hung open for an inordinate amount of time before closing. The car made its slow ascent up as Felipe's eyes kept flicking to Arpeggio. The cute nose, those blue eyes behind the square rimmed glasses. The now slightly out of place hair, that flared like crows's feathers with a deep black. Something in Felipe cracked. When they hit the 3rd floor, 2 floors from their apartment, he reached to the panel and hit the emergency stop. Arpeggio, standing next to it, gave him a puzzled look. "So. .....You just....did that." he said, his voice with little emotion except mild curiosity. The glasses hang on the edge of his nose, right where it kinda turns up a little. Felipe had always thought it was a cute kind of nose. But for the first time, he's seeing something attractive…in him. The restraint in him finally snapped. He turned to his partner, and pushed him against the side of the elevator, trapping him. His hands were on his arms, just above the elbows; their chests against each other, feet fumbling over each others, trying not to trip. Even as he was asking, Felipe cut him off with a kiss on the mouth. Firmly covering Arpeggio's with his, muffling the protests, swallowing his voice down, Felipe kept at it. When he finally pulled back for air, he leaned his weight against him. Arpeggio's eyes were more animated, still curious, and not as shocked or repulsed as Felipe initially assumed. There was a fleeting look that he couldn't catch. Something unfamiliar. Jesus, he thought, they're so damn....blue.....they're so.... Arpeggio started to catch his breath, and a trembling began in the tips of his fingertips. He was also shocked at his lack of repulsion, as if there was a gentle pull between them both. The pieces start falling into place; the furtive glances Felipe had been giving him lately, most obviously today at the gym. Jesus. That can't mean-- Felipe went back in for the kill again, and Arpeggio didn't have the time to process it. Resuming, Felipe pushed his tongue into his partner's mouth. Now, they both know he lacked a proper sense of smell. He could taste, though Felipe had grown used to the fact what he might be tasting is severely weaker than others', and what he tasted was....nothing more than what he can describe as "Arpeggio". It was warm, but sharp. Comforting. He wanted more. Arpeggio clumsily followed his lead, nudging his partner's tongue, giving into the warmth. Arpeggio tasted tobacco, and while he had really never smoked, he wasn't put off by the taste. It was sweeter than he imagined. Like tobacco with sugar. His blue eyes shut as the heat of their bodies started to warm the tiny elevator. The tiniest of groans escapes from his throat. He felt a hot tongue run along his neck, up to his earlobe. His voice whimpered out,in a low purr. "Felipe…." The cerise-haired young man barely heard it. His mouth was too busy tasting everything he could. He could feel Arpeggio's heartbeat in his skin through his lips, and it felt great. The raven-haired boy began trembling uncontrollably, but Felipe gave him a bit of room and groaned back. "Come on." "Come on what," he whispered, puzzled as his eyes open to look down at him. "Like this," the cerise-haired boy said before deepening a kiss. The firm yet tender pressure with his lips, slightly sucking on his bottom lip before he let it go. The way the tongue darts between his lips was coaxing. Arpeggio, still reeling in the moment and unsure of what he's supposed to do except process these new sensations, could only imitate what Felipe is doing. He tried to copy the movements, but eventually he felt Felipe pull back. "Haven't you ever done this?" he asked in a slightly frustrated tone. His eyes appeared disheartened, as if he's expected Arpeggio to react similarly; there was a disappointment in his voice that Arpeggio completely could not understand. "No…." he whispered shaking his head. They've slid down the side of the elevator, sitting on the ground, Arpeggio in the corner, his legs bent against Felipe. Felipe paused. Looking into those deep blue eyes, where he usually saw sternness or placid indifference was an intense look. Somewhere between curiosity and also frustration. Again, he was struck by the color. Like glowing sapphire, blue fire. The deep ocean or the deepest blue in the sky. Arpeggio is similarly entranced. He always assumed Felipe's eyes were just a deep brown, but this close, he can see that they literally are black. Like the night sky with no stars. They pull, and absorb light, a deep black hole that pulled him in. A deep color that made his pupils seem lighter by comparison. But they aren't cold; if anything they feel warm and enveloping like a song. Lost in each other's eyes, the silence eventually melted. "Son of a bitch," replied Felipe, as if someone has told him the scores to a sports game and he's taken aback. He was red in the face, but so was Arpeggio, but its more noticeable because the TC's skin is so damned light anyway, and its cute Felipe admitted. "Not even…?" Arpeggio can't figure out what Felipe meant until he followed his eye line. The magenta haired boy was nodding at his crotch. The TC couldn't help but flush even harder, so much that even Felipe could feel the heat. "No..." one simple word, but the slight shame and embarrassment it conveyed was practically palpable. He was aware of the practice at least, but it was clear he'd not indulged what urges he may have had before. At this point, the black-eyed boy flushed too, then leaned in, and kissed him again. Something about Arpeggio's inexperience made him want him even more. But the kiss was subtly different to Arpeggio. Tenderer. Gentler. There was an obvious lust but it had a different intensity. It wasn't until the magenta boy's hands released his, and they began roving over his body, that Arpeggio realized Felipe was holding his hands, gently. Felipe could barely keep his desire in check. The urgency he had now evolved into something more. He no longer wanted to conquer his prey. He now wanted to take, taste, feel everything he had in his hands, slowly, savoring it like the last piece of hard candy in the bowl. Time let Felipe go, releasing him from the chains of urgency. Now Time gave him the freedom to make this moment endless. His fingers pressed into his skin, the taut give of his flesh felt like the strings of an instrument. From his back to his firm ass, his thighs, he ran his fingers along his body, down the knee to ankle, then all the way back up. He could feel his partner want to arch into him, so he pulled him into an embrace again, nuzzling the nap his his neck and feeling his body arch, tremble and squirm. Arpeggio dug his fingers into Felipe's back. He responded with more laps and nips on the neck and lips, then his hands drifted down his chest, to the hem of his shorts. He felt Arpeggio freeze momentarily when his hands slid over his crotch. It was obvious his body was responding well, because he was hard and completely so, but his eyes are tinged with confusion and some apprehension. It tore at Felipe's chest a little, seeing his partner so out of his depth, but being horny was winning out. He bypassed it momentarily, and slid his hands down the boy's legs. He squeezed his ankles, feeling his muscles flex and wriggle, and it turned him on even more. He brought up one of his white sneakered feet and gave him a single lustful glance before taking a long, lap. It was not what Arpeggio is expecting so his foot immediately jerked. "Wh-what are you doing?!" He nipped the laces and lapped the toecap again. "Its ok." "B-but…that's really…dirty…." The toes jerked and twitched in anxiousness, wriggling slowly. Felipe put the foot down and gave his knee a small kiss. "No...it isn't...." His partner looked confused, so Felipe chained kisses from his knee to his ankle, nipping playfully at the socks, until his ran his tongue over the laces, and gave the toecap a gentle kiss. "Its not dirty at all." "I m-mean...I used them...I've been walking around on...the concrete and stuff...and...." He was babbling, not sure of what he was trying to say. Felipe gave him a small smile. "Pege...." "Yes...?" "Shut up." Arpeggio gave him a look of sheepish defeat and shrugged. "F-fair enough. You're...the teacher." "Straight A student right here." He gave the toecap a few laps before shifting his position back to his original, holding him as he came back up to kiss him. This time, his right hand found his partner's left, and his fingers entwined as his pressed it gently to the wall of the elevator car. Arpeggio let his body act on its own, squeeing his hand, digging his fingers into Felipe's lower back and ass, enjoying the muscular feel. Slowly, he pulled him into his embrace, then maneuvered his legs to pull Felipe into him. The move was so unexpected for Felipe, he nearly collapsed into him. It was...bold, even for Arpeggio. Hesitation finally made Felipe pause. This was all so new, especially to Arpeggio. He could feel that his partner was apprehensive, though not scared. It made him wonder....how much could he do? How much was too much? It wasn't as if Arpeggio had told him no outright, but at the same time, he didn't want to overload him. This move was the first time that he was now initiating new contact without Felipe guiding him or doing it first. So that means...that it was ok, wasn't it? When he stopped moving, the raven-haired boy looked at him, and saw the deep look of thought on his face. He flicked his black eyes towards his partner's blue ones, and as he caught his breath, Felipe could feel his own body begin to tremble, trying to hold the weight of his lust and desire as he processed his next moves. "What...?" he asked him, his hands sliding from the young Trancer's back to shoulders. Felipe couldn't find the words. Caught between his lust for this quite literally virgin territory and his uncertainty of doing too much, he could only stare back at him. "Are you...afraid...I'll break...?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Felipe blinked at him in shock. Can...he read minds...? Arpeggio stared up into his eyes for a long moment. Then he shut his eyes and nodded once. "I...trust you...." Like a key turning a lock, those three words freed Felipe. He gave him a small smile and nodded back. "Y...you're sure...?" "If I wasn't....you'd be a dead man." He said it with his usual deadpan, placid look, that Felipe nearly laughed out loud. Arpeggio let his eyes soften . Felipe saw the smallest, most sincere smiles come across his face. He has a smile like an angel. "Fel...?" "This...this is....ok....?" Arpeggio blinked at him, confused. At this point, he assumed his consent was implicit, but he nodded and smiled at him again, and this time, he realized he was. "Please...Fel....its.... I need...you to...show me...." He shook his head and flushed in embarrassment. "I don't...know. This is all so new to me." He nodded slowly and kissed him tenderly before he slid his hands down to his waist and then gently and slowly pulled down his shorts. Arpeggio let out a small whimper, and as Felipe hesitated and looked up at him, he nodded again, blushing. "W-well, come on....like you've...never seen dick before?" Felipe could sense the baiting was done to put them both at ease, so he gave him a slight smirk. "Not one as exquisite as this." His partner wrinkled his nose. "Ok I may be new at this, but that was kinda embarrassing, even for you." Felipe awkwardly smiled. "Yeah...it was kinda bad...but you make me stupid sometimes, being this fucking cute." He punctuated that by giving the tip of his erect cock a small kiss. The sensation and newness of the entire thing, made Arpeggio give a small cry and arched his back. "Nnngh...!" Felipe took one of his partner's hands and gave it a squeeze. "All right there, Pege?" There was a slightly sassy tone to it. "D-damn it Felipe...if you don't stop taunting me...I may take back what I said about this being ok...!" "Well, then. Don't say I didn't try easing you into it." He leaned over and started to lap and suck gently on him, as Arpeggio let out another groan, digging his fingers into Felipe. The feelings notwithstanding, the sensations were intense. The warmth of his tongue over him as he sucked, contrasting with the cooler air when he pulled off and lapped and licked, all sent Arpeggio's mind into a tailspin. It was everything he could do to keep from bucking his hips or squeezing him between his thighs. The pressure building inside of him escalated quickly. "Fel...! W-wait...I'm..." Felipe pulled off his a firm but tender suck and glanced up. "Pege...let me." "I...I don't...Should...." Felipe let him teeter slightly before diving back down and giving him a firm suck as his tongue swirled around his partner's cock. The hand holding Arpeggio's squeezed, while the other one pressed the fingertips into his thigh. Arpeggio let out another small cry as he climaxed hard, his head leaning back as he arched. The sensation was so intense, he nearly blacked out. Felipe pulled back, swallowing some, but allowing some cum to pump over Arpeggio's crotch and thighs, glistening like pearls. Wiping his face with the back of his hand, he slid the other from his partner's grasp to his face and pulled him into a kiss. This time, Arpeggio welcomed the gesture, tasting himself in Felipe's mouth. It wasn't anything he expected. He groaned, his body weakly holding on in an attempt to stay conscious. Felipe pulled back to let them each have some air and gazed into his partner's eyes. They locked gazes, the TC's blue in the Trancer's black. It was the look of concupiscence in Arpeggio's eyes that pulled Felipe quickly into the ground. All at once, the magnitude of what line he had crossed slammed into him. They have crossed the line into a place he hadn't considered. Felipe now knew what that feeling had meant for him, that now he had to confront this feeling he hadn't noticed until this moment. That he had fallen in love with Arpeggio....and that this friendship they had now had changed irreversibly. Had he broken something precious between them now? Has he dragged someone who could not possibly understand the significance of such an enormous emotion somewhere he hadn't the right to? Before Arpeggio could ask, the sound of the emergency speaker crackled to life. A sleepy, disinterested voice came over the static. "Hey. The board said the elevator stopped. Anyone in there?" Arpeggio felt his body lock into action, the rapture of the moment evaporating as he found his voice. "Yes. We're ok. There's only 2 of us." "Right. I'll get it moving in a sec." The speakers cut out, and before Arpeggio, as he quickly pulled his clothes back together, his legs a little shaky as he rose to his feet, could say anything to Felipe, the lift car lurched into action. Sitting on the floor of the car, the magenta haired boy, shook his head to himself. "What have I done?" Felipe asked in a barely audible whisper, his tone now gone from euphoria to misery. "Fel??" Puzzled, Arpeggio approached him, to help him up, but his partner only shook his arm free, stood up, and when the doors opened, dashed to the hall. With difficulty, the TC found the strength to chase after him, but Felipe was faster, leaving the door to their apartment open as he sprinted to his room and slammed the door shut. The raven haired boy didn't even bother shutting their door, so he could try to make it to Felipe's room, but the door wouldn't budge. It felt as if his partner was leaning against the door. "Felipe!! Please...! Fel, open the door!!" Felipe curled his legs against his chest as he sat against it, and started to cry. Of all the regrets he'd ever made in his life, this one hurt the most, and he wasn't even sure why he had run, or why he felt so bad. Only that he felt he'd done something so terribly wrong to someone he now loved with his whole heart. For the first time in his life, Felipe was scared that he'd fallen in love with someone.

#E.Q.#E.Q. Fridays #Side B #Felipe #Arpeggio #Album 3 #Rubato Tiempo

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thedaycourts · 7 years

Text

(completed) acowar liveblog

ACOWAR LIVE BLOG (SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY)

spoilers will be ahead... you have been warned

feel free to message me to talk about the book!

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5/1/17 11:22pm- someone help me I've literally preordered the ebook and the hardcover (which hasn't even shipped yet ugh) and I'm so prepared

5/1/17 11:31pm- I've read the first 8 sample chapters so. many. times... i'm ready for the real thing now pls thx bye

5/2/17 12:06am- IT TOOK TILL 12:06 FOR THE EBOOK TO RELEASE OMG MIDNIGHT RELEASE MY BUTT SMH

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chapters 1-8: i kinda like jurian actually (maybe ill regret saying that idk), lucien being protective of elain is making my heart warm, tamlin makes me wanna kill someone, feyre shouldve cut ianthe’s throat tbh, the twins give out such weird vibes, AND OMG rhys and feyre sending images of themselves sticking their tongues out is my moodboard i love it so much

chapter 9: “Blood rubies or no, you will always have one friend in the Summer Court.” My throat bobbed. “And you will always have one in mine,” I promised her. She knew which court I meant. And did not look afraid. I LOVE ALIS OK SHE IS ACCEPTING AND PROTECTIVE AND AMAZING

ianthe needs to get her filthy hands off of lucien before i strangle her

LUCIEN AND FEYRE GOING TO THE NIGHT COURT TOGETHER HECK TO THE YES

chapter 12: @luciens brothers can you go die pls ok thx bye

chapter 13: CASSIAN IS OK AND SO IS AZ ADHEIOFHJKFAJ MY LIFE IS SLOWLY PIECING ITSELF BACK TOGETHER

“i am the high lady of the night court” hECK YES YOU ARE

the tender cassian and feyre hug made me sob even more and then the mor hug hauidfghuajkshcdfa the feels

chapter 14: I AM SOBBING I AM S O B B I N G AT THIS FEYSAND REUNION HELP MY POOR BROKEN SOUL

also omg just imagine lucien watching this reunion bc i think his expression would be absolutely priceless

chapter 15: “I was in love with Feyre,” Rhys said quietly, “long before she ever returned the feeling.” whats that noise??? oh yeah its just the sound of my heart breaking no big deal

“I revealed the mating bond months later—and she gave me hell for it, don’t worry.” hA

LUCIEN CALLING AMREN A CRANKY OLD AUNT OMG

chapter 16: poor nesta and elain omg no

i really need to know whats going on between nesta and cassian bc theres def something there hehe

chapter 17: MOR AND CASSIAN AND STICKING THEIR TONGUES OUT TO EACH OTHER TOO NOW OMG FIRST FEYRE AND RHYS AND NOW THEM WHAT IS HAPPENING

chapter 18: “defending the female he loved” PLS JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY @MOR @AZRIEL

“our family” MY HEART IS MELTING HELP I JUST WANT MY BABIES TO BE HAPPY

“It was the first time you had looked … peaceful. Like you were indeed awake, alive again. I was so relieved I thought I’d puke right onto the table.” GUYS RHYS CARES SO MUCH ABOUT FEYRE LIKE PLS REALIZE HE WAS SO ECSTATIC THAT SHE LOOKED ALIVE AGAIN HE WANTED TO PUKE BC HE CARES ABOUT HER SO. FREAKING. MUCH.

“I will fight with everything I have, too, Rhys. Everything.” why do i have the feeling this is foreshadowing something that i am not going to like at all

chapter 19: “Why should I be scared of an oversized bat who likes to throw temper tantrums?” this is how true love starts out 400% you go nesta

chapter 21: oh dang it here goes the nightmares starting up again

chapter 22: feyre sees the bone carver as their son omg what can this please happen

chapter 23: “Nothing about Nesta could frighten me.” *cue me audibly going awwwwww*

chapter 24: “She was the most beautiful female he’d ever seen.” This seems to be a common way of thinking when people look at their mates hehe throwback to acotar

az is such a bean like who else is awesome enough to wait 500 years for the girl he loves

chapter 26: AZRIEL PUTTNG HIS HAND ON TOP OR MOR’S DURING THE MEETING WITH KIER OMG WHY MUST SHE REJECT HIS TENDER HAND TOUCH

chapter 27: mor being depressed bc of what she witnessed at the meeting makes me wanna cry

omg the inner court arguing what is this

chapter 29: tbh az reminds me of myself so much and i think we have the same MBTI personality type((:

chapter 30: the heck is hybern’s little minions doing in velaris nonunion go home you aren't allowed here

chapter 32: NESTA IS A SEER WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

chapter 33: “He did not glance back at Elain. Did not see the half step she took toward the stairs—as if she’d speak to him. Stop him.” elucien for rulers of the autumn court pls

chapter 34: varian warning amren??? they're friends?? so they keep in touch?? hmmmmmmm sounds suspicious(((;

chapter 36: KING OF HYBERN VS RHYS OMG WHAT AM I ABOUT TO WITNESS

oh jk he wasn't really there oops

chapter 38: I think tarquin should forgive them especially since they came to his rescue but hey thats just me

chapter 39: “And it was precisely because of it that I said, “I love you.” His head lifted, eyes churning. “There was a time when I dreamed of hearing that,” he murmured. “When I never thought I’d hear it from you.”

nesta being worried ab cassian ahhhhhh

chapter 42: nesta being named emissary omg i love it

“And to my eternal shock, a smile tugged at Nesta’s mouth.” ahaha

GAMBLING ON THE FIGHTS AT THE MEETING AHAHA WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED AT ALL

chapter 43: this viviane girl seems cool.. i hope she doesn't end up stabbing my babies in the back:)))

ew no i was perfectly fine with having tamlin absent for the remainder of the book

same @feyre who is 500% done with tamlin and his crap

chapter 45: NESTA STANDING UP FOR CASSIAN AND SASSING OUT BERON IS THE REASON IM STILL ALIVE

chapter 47: I'm beginning to really like helion

chapter 48: too bad i already saw spoilers so i knew helion was luciens dad smhhhhhhh

ok but like if nesta thinks something is wrong, shouldn't you have learned by now that something is usually wrong???????

wow would ya look at that...something was wrong *scowls*

chapter 52: where the frick frackle jensen ackle did jurian come from

chapter 53: ok but i totally called jurian being good

....tamlin still being a tool i see

chapter 55: they keep mentioning their dad so i have a feeling he's in trouble/being held captive

chapter 56: nesta helping heal cass omg yes

YES MY GIRL SURI

chapter 58: I've never wanted ianthe dead more,,,,WHO DARES SHOOT MY GIRL SURI HREIAOFHJAKEF FIGHT ME

chapter 60: i literally bawled so much when suri died omg i sounded like a dying horse

chapter 61: this episode of honestly hour features feyre and mor going head-to-head about decisions and relationships... stay tuned for the next episode

chapter 62: amren and varian kissing hm how do i feel ab this

chapter 63: ELAIN IS AN ACTUAL SUNSHINE WHO DARES TAKE HER AWAY (of course its az my little bean who notices she's gone)

also I'm betting ten bucks lucien will find her and save her (prolly not gonna happen but it would be cute if he did)

chapter 64: EW SHE HAS TO BE IANTHE WOW THATS UNFORTUNATE

rhys and feyre’s goodbyes felt more like a pep talk than a sad goodbye but thats just me

ok thanks for saving feyre @tamlin but for the record i still hate you

chapter 65: omg nesta hugging feyre and all the sisters being all nice and cuddly makes me so happy

chapter 66: the moriel shipping part of me is very sad but yunno maybe this means i can keep az for myself (or elain can have him idk which direction sarah will take this) and mor can be eternally happy((:

sooooo does this mean elain x az is now gonna happen bc like az is gonna need someone to help heal the hole in his heart and elain is such a sweetie but what about lucien????

chapter 68: but are we ever gonna know what feyre saw in the mirror?

chapter 69: tender az and elain moment omg that was so cute i love my smol beans

“I would have waited five hundred more years for you. A thousand years. And if this was all the time we were allowed to have … The wait was worth it.” AWEEE

rhys and his lil speeches to everyone dang what is this

chapter 70: “And then Nesta began screaming. Not in pain. But a name. Over and over. “CASSIAN.” IM SUCH NESSIAN TRASH IDOFHAJDKFA

chapter 71: “This was it. The last moments … the last time I would see them all.” nothings even happened yet and I'm already crying

“He told me that he’s got three daughters who live here. And that he failed them for many years. But he would not fail them this time.” well shoot i have no words rn and tbh i kinda forgot their dad existed the past few chapters

chapter 72: “She wrapped her arms tightly around Cassian, those gray-blue eyes bright, then they were gone.” THEY GIVE ME LIFEEEE YESSSS

chapter 73: OK AMREN WHAT ARE YA DOIN???

chapter 74: ....welp... bye bye mr archeron thanks for saving my babies and also wHERE THE FRICK DID YOU COME FROM?? nesta and elain and feyre being sad is making me sad

OK WHY IS CASSIANS WINGS GETTING HURT AGAIN??? i feel like this is sarah starting a new thing like “hey! lets just end every book with cassian’s wings getting ripped to shreds!!”

“I have no regrets in my life, but this.” His voice shook with every word. “That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta.” FRICK OMG THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE MOMENT I BECAME COMPLETE NESSIAN TRASH. AND THEN THE KISS. OH MY. I CANT. I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

and elain coming to the rescue omg heck to the yes

chapter 75: nesta stabbing the king is tHE BEST. i can't just feel the pure rage and emotion radiating out of her as she twists the blade in his neck. think of the people she's doing it for. her dad, her sisters, her new family, cassian. this scene gives me so many feels

amren saying she's glad she met feyre awe

chapter 76: AHHHH RHYS IM SOBBING NO FEYRE HDAUKHJD AHHHH WHY DID RHYS DIE ON PAGE 666

chapter 77: feyre screaming for rhys nononononono i feel my soul shattering

rhys was DEAD and he comes back making a JOKE....why is this not surprising

chapter 78: lucien is back ahhhh it feels like he was gone for the whole book tbh

yes drakon and miryam hauifheajkdfhajfha

chapter 81: RHYSAND’S POV YESSSS

talking about feyre’s “beautiful laugh” ahhhhhh they're sooooo cuteeee

chapter 82: i LOVE the fact the book ended with them all peaceful. they deserve it. i love everyone. i am happy. goodbye.

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imoverit · 4 years

Text

I just don’t know. I know I say that a lot but I just really don’t. Like I’m a very highly intelligent person and I’m very good at solving problems. Making something after more efficient. Like I can go into a business and within a month or 2 just totally change that place. Like from products from intake of like a grocery store to the customers cars I can make it so an employee won’t have to handle it more than he needs too. Move this there. Change this try that and before you know it your pumping out a million guitars a year when before me was 50-100k.

And I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!!!!! I’ve gone over every scenario 1000 times each and then even started mixing scenarios together then adding new thoughts and Scientific physocology shit to it then adding reality shit to it then adding physically AND YES AND (as in more than 1,) practically IMPOSSIBLE FUCKING BULLSHIT to the mix and then before you know it I just wanna fucking blow my head off. Seriously. Honestly It’s too fucking much at times. But I’m not going too don’t worry. Ive injected myself several in fact dozens of times with a cocktail of drugs so powerful that DR Kovorkian coulda helped 7-8 people maybe more. I’d have to inject a whole morphine 200 just to get outta bed I’m the morning and I wasn’t even high yet. I had to mix large quantities. Half gram or more of dope at a time mixed with some pills to get high! Thank god I HONESTLY don’t miss that. I do however miss her. YOU. And I just don’t know what the hell is up. My woman the woman who she was before I met her would have no problem telling me what’s up with the last 3mths In person. She wouldn’t. Even if she fucking wanted my ass deader than a shit and she was fuCali nag pissed or even if she was hurt emotionally by something I did or said (before the blow up. That don’t count cuz she didn’t tell me the TRUTH!!! My WOMAN would sit me down tell me the TRUTH and then kick my fucking ass and kill me but SHE WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM TELLING ME THE TRUTH...... IN PERSON. So some things up. I hear It her voice. It sounds painful whatever it is. And before I blew up when we was “good” and we’re still single but she writes the legit I love you msg and ONE DAY AT A TIME. Then over next couple weeks. I get honest love yous and miss yous and even when we talked on the phone that was my woman. If she was happy sad angry whatever that was my woman. Then even may 4th I think. Super flower moon day I heard it in her voice. The IM IN LOVE WITH YOU BUT I HAVE TO PUSH YOU AWAY self sabotage of a meaningful relationship cuz what I’m better off. Cuz it’s all minor stupid spiraled outta control bullshit and now resentments are forming. The kind that NEVER GO AWAY. And I don’t want that. But she won’t talk to me. At all. It’s out of character for MY WOMAN!! Like even if she wasn’t in love with me and I knew her I would be able to tell somethings up from her tone last night.

It was just pain full to hear. Like she still has something aching to get out and be said. I just don’t know if it’s good for me or bad for me. I feel it’s bad. I feel that she has marked me for life as one of her abusers. Somethings wrong that she won’t fucking tell me. Cuz that’s not my woman. That’s not the woman who I sat next to for 7 years. Yeah babe 7 years. Yeah babe I’m calling you babe cuz that will always be your name to me!! And I just feel like she feels ashamed and emabareassed for her actions when she is having a PTSD moment and most of the time she blacks out and don’t remember half the stuff that was said. And that scares me. So angry that you black out. I would never hurt her. NEVER EVER EVER WOULD I DO ANYTHING EVEN ROTELY CLOSE TO WHAT THEM MONSTERS HAVE DONE TO YOU!!!! Mean words yes I am fucking guilty. A phone or laundry basket thrown in your direction with no intent to harm you physically, yes I’m f ifking guiltynof that too I’m guilty. But I would never ever do anything worse than what’s already been done. (Fist hole In a cheap closet door, guilty) but I’d never and I KNOW YOU HONESTLY KNOW THAT. I SAVED YOU BABY. I WAS THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEEDED ME THE MOST!!! Actions. Forget about other girls who I never was anything more than basic non sexual friends with. I said something nice about her hair. Well if I remember correctly that’s as during the time I me Patrick left but you BABE didn’t tell me before I walked out door that you were on the ledge of a bridge deciding if you wanted to jump or not. Which I’m so glad you didn’t but if you would of told me that day of 356 bridge NONE OF THIS WOULDA HAPPENED. Neither would of dec 28th and for that. I think you feel guilty and ashamed prolly disgusting(cuz I do for my actions so that’s why I said you prolly feel) scared and embarrassed for yourself and yur actions cuz that’s how I feel about myself. I’m mostly ashamed and embarrassed of myself but I feel angry the most and that’s why I can’t talk wirhour getting passionate”. Angry at myself. I’m not even made at you. I’m angry at myself. And then in turn get angry at you for something stupid and then it blows up into big time madness all cuz I’m ashamed of myself and I’m angry with myself. If I hadn’t snuck around and used drugs with chad. Which was only drugs never anything sexual with anybody!!!!! And you know what I feel the same way. I’m ashamed of myself. To the point I wanna die. I’m embarrassed and angry and I feel so disgusting and gross since you couldn’t even let me hold you when you cut your wrist. I tried to get you but you didn’t want me too touch you. So no didn’t. I’m so sorry baby. I shoulda took the chance of you calling cops on me for assault or something. But at same time I respect you so you said don’t touch I didn’t touch. When you tell me to not touch you for a year even after we got thru her not working correctly after surgery. Remember what I said. I’ll try everyday 100 times a day for years if needed until you can cum all over him or my face.

And I just know we don’t end like this. We don’t end like this. Your the most amazing woman I ever met. Beautiful. Your not beautiful. Beautiful don’t even come fucking close to describing who/what you are!!!! Brave. Strong super sexy wardawg who despite EVERTHING (everything you’ve said/done, I’ve said/done) despite EVERYTHING baby you STILL drive me wild like the first time we met each other. Your real true beauty makes my dick hard just thinking about you. Right now. He 😘🤪👃👅🖖👐(full body erotic message hands) your the strongest most courageous woman I’ve EVER MET like you didn’t even go I my o much detail about shit everytime you’d open up you got more beautiful. Then when you started telling me bout yur monster cousins you got more beautiful and you didn’t even go into detail of the events (like you actually should do to help HEAL. It works trust me KERR FAMILY. I carried a lot of shit after that. Loading a whole family that died together in a forerunner crash into the coroners van. 4 people. Mom. 3 kids 16-6 or 7 years old. And our relationship now. The current state were in right now just ripped my family away and I’m in need of my best friend my lover back!!! I really am. I just miss you so much. I’ll cry for an hour straight. Seriously. Sometimes 2 and then stop try to do something but WVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF YOU. I watched a video on donutboperator of a kid who was yelling at the cop to just kill him bro please. And I freaking cried like a baby all night. Ended up texting you and then you called and I got to hear your voice but then I hurt even more cuz you didn’t even sound like you. That wasn’t you. It just wasn’t you. Even if you hate me and actually never wanted to see me again m, you would sound like you. And you just didn’t. Remember on the phone. I got the text too to prove it. “Yur voice was different. Everything was different”. In a good way. She got tingly from what you said!! Yeah I bd isn’t hear that in you. Like even when we were together and we were Mia communicating and someone called or you had to deal with a person. You sounded like BABE. Even when we weee fighting on the phone BOTH getting mean and ignorant to each other. You still sounded like you. But last night. You didn’t. Even from the very first words of, what do you want?? It just didn’t sound like Ashley. If I was blind and you walked into the room and talked I wouldn’t of known who it was. Just please talk to me baby!!! We should be spending this beautiful summer watching stars here at dads or kennerdale. Yes kennerdale. I was waiting for better weather to go star gazing there with you and hold you tight then feb 2nd came and I thought for sure you was gonna come see me. At least once. And I won’t lie. You hurt me feelings with the whole weed issue april 22nd. Like you text before we even talked. Look at menu your only one who’s appreciate it then we started talking and I thought it was going good. If you were only talking to me my babe was back then somewhere around your script issue something noticeably changed. You began getting short with me. You wouldn’t text for a few days and I can almost pin point the exact like 2 week span. So please baby. If youve heard any thing that I’ve said here. And if you truly deep down inside feel any bit of the same way I do. Just please come talk to me. I’d like it to be without you having a BF so I can hug you. I just want a hug. I wasn’t able to that night or since or even before and I just my my woman back. Your world didn’t end the day I moved out!!! It just began. Use this lil vacation to get yourself right. Don’t worry about a relationship. And if yo u need the services of a man that’s what I’m here for. If we’re working on ourselves and each other with that promise to each other like I mentioned last year. Your strong independent woman who don’t need a man. So I don’t see why you jumped straight into a relationship while you still have/had at time may 4th, feelings for me. Cuz that wasn’t how somebody who don’t love a person no more, breaks up width.

You don’t basically tell me please don’t blow up and end it bad I’m case I wake up I’m a year well 2 to be “specific” and realize that it was ALWAYS me. The fact that you even said that was a red flag. Shoulda been a red flag to yurself that you were self sabatoging our relationship. I don’t care if you slept with 50 guys the last 3-4 mths. I bd not want details unless there is no chance of us getting back together EVER and then I need to know when you started talking to mike is it? Cuz if it was after our phone call March 24th then he’s a POS I know you talked about our relationship and I have a feeling he said one of those predator lines. He don’t deserve you. You are beautiful. But what you didn’t tell him is that you didn’t want me telling you you were beautiful cuz you thought I only said it cuz I was on drugs which wasn’t the case. It intensified the true feelings. And I just feel something like that happened and then that one day round April 13th is give or take a week something happened. Maybe a one night stand. Kool no problem but then guilt and shame and embarrassment comes into play and then you text me like you was trying to tell me something and then it don’t matter anyways. My life was over day you moved out shit down and then you ignored me so you didn’t have to tell me. I feel 2 ways bout it. Either it was one night stand and you felt emabareassed bout it which you shouldn’t. Your human or he did take advantage of a woman who’s a month out of a 7 year rocky relationship but r the he reason it was rocky is because both people were fighting for what they love/loved. Me/you as of now. And we just don’t end like this babe. We don’t. Are you ok with us ending like this??? I mean how we ever gonna be able to even try to become friends again if one of us has a significant other. It’s like mike and (I don’t have nobody but you so we’ll say Suzie) Mike and suzie gonna be ok with us going to hang out or going to concert or what?? Double dating??? I just can’t see ya ever talking to each other again unless we’re in a committed relationship to each other. I just don’t know. I need to jamb. I’m really missing you hard core right now. I feel like you actually did die cuz I’m never gonna see you again

Remember how I always say somethings in the woods here. I feel like a raptor or some shot is stalking so Last night I was jambin in drive way and I bent down BYU turn the mids up a lil but and when I bent back up there was a coyote running towards me from the flower bed closest to driveway I yelled AAHHHH and went to swing my guitar like a bat and it like turned in mid full sprint slid its nails across blacktop I could hear them sliding trying to grip traction and then he took off towards the Lane sign. I fucking had prolly a #50-60 pound coyote almost attack me. I just heard them down on the bank just behind the light line.

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