#and then they had a meltdown when the story didnt go the way they wanted
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i want to hear all ur rwrb movie thoughts x
OOF OKAY buckle up this is gonna be a long one. i'll put everything under a read more because i really really didnt like the movie and also it's gonna be spoilery
but i will leave my one opinion that has no bearing on anything above which is THEY FUCKED THE TURKEY SCENE WHICH IS ONE OF MY FAV SCENES IN THE WHOLE BOOK. i wanted alex to say "puttheturkeysinmyroomputtheturkeysinmyroomputtheturkeysinmyroom" to the fucking president and then have a complete meltdown about the gobble and it DIDNT HAPPEN
also i should probably mention that ive read this book like 7 times and it's my comfort read so im v close to the source material
i really feel like they took out all of the heart in the story. i was reading that variety article that said they wanted to take out everything that wasnt focused just on the relationship or whatever but everything in their lives is what makes the relationship so GOOD and relatable. they took out all of the angst and pining and buildup and made the characters so flat and i didn't believe a single thing about their relationship.
the characters truly felt like different people. alex had none of the desperation that he does in the books. we dont see him teetering on the edge of everything and barely holding it together while pretending everything is completely fine. we don't see him working SO hard to ignore everything bad in his life while pretending he's just this golden boy who has his whole life figured out. we don't see him working so hard towards his almost unattainable political goals while simultaneously trying to prove himself. we don't see his meltdowns and panic attacks and insomnia. we don't see henry being the boy who just wants to be a writer but is forced into this role that he doesn't fit into. we don't see him spilling his guts in emails because he can finally talk about all of the things he's kept hidden and found someone he can finally be himself with who doesn't just see him as the perfect little princeling. we don't get to see his deep grief and depression or his anxiety about being out in public and always being on display or the constant battle he has about his duty to his country and just wanting to be himself. he kinda just turned into this broy prince dude who was kinda concerned about being gay and also being a prince but also sorta didnt really seem to care?
the fact that they made alex kinda know he was bi before the story started also completely changed his entire character. we don't get to see him figuring out parts of himself with henry, we don't get to struggle with trying to figure out what it means to be bi and also want the reddest parts of the US to relate to him. we don't even get the convo he has with nora about him being bi, it just got turned him whether or not he likes henry which felt way less impactful. also, keeping his parents together made parts of the story not even make sense. like why the fuck did they go to lake house to meet his dad if henry had already met him because his parents are still together?
the secondary characters were also SO FLAT and basically nonexistent. the fact that pez was called percy the entire time annoyed me. like i know that's his name but i feel like they toned down his character so much and part of that was never calling him pez. bea was basically nonexistent and was just like the sweet little sister (which, also, why the fuck did they change the birth order??). taking june out was a HUGE blow to alex's characterization and the storytelling as a whole and nora was so bland. she's one of my fav characters in the book because she's so fun and chaotic and movie nora was just like ,, idk cool and chill and was a total different character. also making henry's mom just be absent because she's travelling or whatever and then not be there when they're talking to the king was such a weird choice. also don't get me started on miguel, i can't believe took out raf just to put that jealous fucker in. aghhhh. also zahra was much less of a boss bitch than she was in the books. when she called shaan and was all snippy i was like ma'am you sound SILLY right now.
taking out all of the mental health rep also made me really sad. so much of the story was exploring grief and depression and anxiety and adhd and addiction and that just didn't exist at all. if they wanted to just make it a love story then that's fine, but you can't tell me that two guys in their situations would be neurotypical and not deal with any sort of grief at all.
and the EMAILS. my god, who was fucking in charge of that change because i seriously c a n n o t. where was the poetry and the angst and the historical references? why were they just like "hi im in texas, miss you" and "im reading this cool book, miss you too". so much of their relationship development happens in those emails and there's so many iconic lines and we got none of that. it also made it feel way less impactful when the emails got leaked. was there really so many scandalous things in those emails? between these flat ass characters? you can't convince me anyone actually cared about those. also the fact that miguel leaked them made NO sense. what did he have to gain? he was just mad that alex didnt wanna hook up with him again so he decided to be jealous and petty? i don't understand. also if they didn't fuck the emails they wouldn't have had to awkwardly shoehorn the "history huh" line into the museum scene. i half expected alex to turn to the camera and wink like he was in the office or some shit.
they also changed the timeline enough that everything felt so weirdly paced. they apparently aged them up, which i didnt even realize when i was watching the movie, so the love story would feel "believable" or some shit, but why can't 23 year olds be in love? why do they have to be older? also henry being like "i want to be make love tonight" EXCUSE ME SIR? in this hotel room? book henry would fucking NEVER.
my last gripe is alex's coming out speech. first, why did they have to change it? the speech in the book was SO good and impactful and the one in the movie was just ,, bland? where was "love is indomitable" and "he is my choice" and "im the first son son of the united states and i'm bisexual. history will remember us"? also why did he make the speech before even talking to henry? he essentially outted him to the entire fucking world without even having a little chat with him first which was truly fucked.
WAIT MY ACTUAL LAST THING was why did their outfits suck so much in the show. where was alex's bomber jacket during the reelection? he looked like an office bro and i was not into it.
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a bit of both- I was too scared to go off anon cuz I would've been embarrassed if I was wrong 😭
They INVENTED divorce. You get it.
And I DONT MIND YOUR THOUGHRS ARE SO SILLY!! pls invitation to come back on stage and scream about the guys ever 🥺
ksjdlfdsklfj I Understand 🙏 i hope it is ok that i took this message as an excuse to Continue Going Wild
head empty only tiny guy doodles now
while i was doodling i remembered ruggie and silver both have a vignette with jade where Food Is Involved... im obsessed w/the one where jade gives his mushrooms to the cafeteria bc azul and floyd banished them, and silver has them the next day and is like This Is The Best Risotto Ive Ever Had In My Life. and jades just watching him like 👁️👁️ and theres the one where ruggie accidentally takes jades ingredients and is like OH SHIT DONT KILL ME here i'll teach you a cool recipe!!!! i love how often these boys bond over food actually.... ruggie helped kalim cook in another vignette... jade and kalim talked about tea [and then jade died bc kalim uses too much sugar LOL]
more rambling and screen shots i have to go bonkers or i will die
oh my god and the second tsum event. theres the cutest little rythmatic of jamil kalim floyd and azul in the kitchen with tsums 😭😭😭 i want the second years to have a potluck........
ALSO i love in the first volume of the twst anthology, chapter 13 where it basically turns into the second years coming together and trying to help silver stay awake and hanging out EXCEPT THE FISH ARE NNNNOT INVITED!!! or like. theyre just not in that story fdslkjfds and jamil just shows up at the end..
KALIM'S SO CUTE HE'S SOOOO EXCITED He just JUMPS IN like OH DID SOMEONE SAY FRIENDSHIP STUDY GROUP???????
also
why did he do that. he was talking about riddle and they literally got riddle involved bc ruggie suggested it but here's the thing!!! silver is the one that needed notes bc he fell asleep. kalim joined up and was like lets study together and have a feast!! so ruggies like oh hell yea im in it for the food. why did he decide riddle needed to be there 🤔 i mean maybe he did actually want to study and/or didnt wanna be the one suckered into leading the study session LOL but. i think it kinda just looks like he wants to hang out with riddle jflsjeklkj like he literally later says "but im here for the feast" so WHY did you get RULES ABIDING RIDDLE involved HMMM??? watching you ruggie bucchi.
theyre literally SO cute i LOVE the anthology mangas SO MUCH and i really wish they'd make a third one!!!
god i actually. forgot a lot about this one LOL there's a lot of cute moments w/them 😭
ALSO now that im at my computer i could search better and i FOUND THE POST where i talked endlessly about riddle/floyd. i still stand by all of that. and theres cute anthology moments in there too.
third year divorce jumpscare while im in the anthologies
i love them theyre so fucking funny. also why are there So Many Times in game where vil basically says "yeah leona is extremely physically attractive HOWEVER his personality sucks and i hate him." like okay. why do you have to keep telling us that leona has a "pretty face" or "only good for his looks" or whatever it is he says fjsdkljekl. that's nice vil.
pushing them back out of the way back to the second years
and trey. im still trapped in the anthologies since thats whats in front of me klfjlewjsdfjkls god the way this one takes place after jamils meltdown and hes like "omg trey senpai....... and jade 😒........" Get His Ass sdfdsfg god i dont have a screenshot rn but another top 10 moments of twst for me that made me cry laughing was when i was reading cater's union bday card and jamil asks him that interview question "which dorm would you pick if you werent in heartslabyul" and god the TIMING with cater saying octavinelle INSTANTLY making jamil SCOWL IN DISAPPROVAL at the SHEER MENTION OF THE FISH BITCH DORM is SO funny to me. EW. GROSS. DISGUSTING!!! i so badly want riddle and jamil to bond over their mutual fish hading sjdklfe theyre SO FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
and yet in masquerade event. jamil bullies azul. azul buillies him back. they DANCE TOGETHER IN BOTH OF THE RHYTHM GAMES. theyre DUO PARTNERS to azuls ssr. riddle and jamil compliment [more or less LOL] azul's singing performance at the end. i think once or twice riddle and jamil also share a few 😑😑 moments over azul... being azul jdkslfjkdsljf and it's EVERYTHING TO ME it was so validating bc i think those three should hang out forever.
OK THAT'S ENOUGH DISORGANIZED RAMBLES FOR NOW I GOTTA CONTAIN MYSELF!!!
#kirexa#asks#cereal tries to draw#twst#twisted wonderland#the readmore break keeps moving please god go where im putting you and STAY THERE#i cant break out of my tiny guy tendencies it's what my brain defaults to now
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Im watching a video on mmos and i wanted to talk about my experiences with the genre for the past like 2 decades
I first got into mmos with toontown back when it was all over tv
My parents paid for an account for me and my sibling to share and my dad had his own account
I played a whole bunch of toontown but i avoided a lot of things....i was barely in double digits....stuff like cog buildings and the factory (back when there was like...1) scared me...heck i still tend to avoid them when i go back to ttr (and bc i have zero social skills so i suffer in solo)
My first TRUE mmo was maplestory....i never got far tho i leveled up a few times and got to like the elf area and had someone try to trade me but again i was just a confused 11 year old at the time....idk how mmos work! I still played them!
Theres a bunch of mmos id get into during middle school and into hs but never for too long....i was like a grandma with a cell phone....idk what im doing im just hitting things and running around the first area
I have a friend who id play some of these with back then but even then i didnt know what i was doing
At this point in my life and its only been 28 years of being alive....most of these memories are fuzzy...
I remember always being magic classes until i got one with a gunner...i thought wow thats cool!
My friend always did way more in these games than i did....
And then there was one particular mmo....i had gotten into with a different friend in hs....
Tera
Now my first jump into tera was short lived (in 2013) bc i had a laptop not made to play such a demanding game and i barely saw past lumbertown for years. I shelved tera and had a small burst of playing mmos during this time from new to old
For....whatever reason i dont remember
My previous friend got me to hop back into tera in 2015
And that
Was the start of my true mmo years
Every other mmo i clueless played barely getting anywhere for a few months to playing talesrunner a few times to whatever mmo i wanted to try that gave me a virus once and i very shakily saved my computer from it (probably)
Didnt matter
Here we are back in tera 2 years later and its all different and would only get more different the more i played....i deleted the like 3 characters i had barely used bc their names were trash and i made a new archer named deed
And we had a blast (and i had a third friend join us for some time but we dont talk about him anymore ok ok)
I dont remember how or when
But i had found an mmo coming soon with a closed beta upcoming
Blade and soul
My first time playing blade and soul.....was awful
I was on yet another laptop that could not handle the game....i gave up at the first world boss area bc i had worn the pvp outfit not knowing it was a pvp outfit (whoops) and was basically stun locked into death by strangers bc my poor computer was too slow to handle it
Despite that i bought the founders pack and walked back into the earthern realm with my blade dancer magmia
Who i promptly disgarded to play with my friend on iksnanun
And seeliewood was born
And the rest they say
Is mostly recorded on this blog for your viewing pleasure
Blade and soul to this day is still one of the best experiences ive had in an mmo despite it all despite the games jank despite it taking me months to actually DO non story content bc i had new friends who dragged me with them besides doing the first two dungeons over ans over bc i was a scared baby of 20something despite the absolutely wild people ive met and friendships lost and stupid things ive said and done and times i got my butt kicked by mushin
Its about my friends still letting me try the scary raid with them after i have an embarrassing meltdown down in front of them and a bunch of strangers
Its sitting down for hours in a dungeon just to talk bc no one is gonna yell at us to get out
Its watching a whole raid stop and watch a rare item vanish bc one of u thinks its the ugliest outfit in the world and she paid us to throw it out
Its roping people in to farm pirate princess or black ice for months until they finally drop
Its not about reaching the best gear to do the newest raid that kills you for looking at it funny
Its about a game that introduced me to my gf @shironuri
And while i have had a lot of other mmos following some lasting longer than others including a third return to tera
Most are short lived
I don't stay as hooked on some mmos or i fall back into my rapid pick up and put down way of playing games in general
Many mmos are shutting down or mobile only or have specs past my nearly 10 year old pc that i do not have the money to replace
I'm back to staying away from socializing and many of my friends have moved on or have no time for these games anymore (or they're all in ff14 which i technically own but.... you know)
So many mmos i played only a few years ago are just gone or out of my computers power to play (id love to try and get pso2 to work again but i only played on jp and that takes a HUGE amount of time to set back up)
On that note i realize there's a lot of games i play that should go on this blog but i just haven't
Like other social sims
Yall want my vrchat screens??? Eh probably not theres like 2 active followers yall probably see this on my main enough
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As long as you need me
Ship: morgen x adagio dazzle
Warnings: autistic meltdown,thunder and lighting,first person pov
A/n: you know what sucks I swear people who write these "imagine your f/o comforting you during a thunder storm" one shots don't have Astraphobia so fuck it I'm doing it myself!!! Granted this is based off how I act so maybe it's different than you expesally sense I have autism and I'm 90% sure that these are meltdowns so yeah whatever enjoy my bad writing!!
I covered myself deeper in the blankets shaking and shivering not Daring to look out the window at the storm. My eyes darted around the dark room trying to keep myself distracted why did thunder have to be so loud and scary! I squeaked and shivered curling myself into a ball as another flash of lighting made its way across the room lighting it up for a brief moment. Tears streamed down my round face as I hid before hearing the door open...
I noticed a taller woman entered the room her hair puffy and round her magenta eyes scanning the dark room for what I can assume she was looking for me as she softly lifted the blankets to see me gosh I probably look pathetic to her I thought to myself as she just looked at me without saying a word...but then she smiled she got up seemingly going to grab something I sighed thinking she was probably going to tease me for being such a lo-
My thoughts were suddenly interrupted as a pair of over hear headphones appeared over my head I was in such a panic I hadn't even thought to grab them. I noticed adagio look down and smile "am I okay to hug you* she asked softly to which I gave her a nod unable to really form words at the moment.
She slid into the bed beside me before pulling me into her lap and wrapping her arms around me placing her head on my shoulder. I relaxed a bit still shaken by the storm however the headphones helped a lot plus I was glad I had my love holding me her touch felt so warm and calm compared to the roaring lightning and thunder outside. I squeaked as another flash made its way across my face before adagio spoke again "when you think lighting might appear darling I want you to look at me okay.." she said softly
I wanted to say that she's probably just going to use her siren magic on me which was one of the first boundaries I set with adagio but that's a story for anointing day. Right now I nodded and turned to face her to which she just smiled brushing my long blonde hair with her hand her eyes tracing me with no evil just care and worry but most importantly love. I heard another thing of thunder crash which caused me to jolt and push her down onto the bed which somehow caused me to speak for the first time all night "i-i s-s-sorry I umm d-didnt I didn't I I" I was shushed by adagio petting my hair with a smile "it's okay dear... don't aplogize don't force yourself to speak I'll be here as long as you need me.." she said with a smile
And with that I managed to feel safe enough to drift off laying on top of her like a cat the headphones still wrapped around my head and two arms wrapped around my body.
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Hello. May I ask a possibly indelicate question? If you don't want to, you don't have to answer it. I just wanted to ask you something. About autism. Don't get any ideas, but I'm writing a story right now where one of the main characters is autistic. I honestly wouldn't bother you, but there's very little information on the internet about autistic people...
Oh yeah, that's fine!
One very important thing to note is that Autism manifests in different ways from person to person. Both with the triggers and how we react to them. So this is just my experience/the best I can explain.
Speaking of explaining, that's a good place to start on examples. You see, one thing my autism does is make it hard to explain things without thinking on it first. Especially when it's on the spot. Sometimes I'll try and explain things to my mom but then fumble over my words and ask her to give me a moment while I collect my thoughts. I like to refer to it as being "wording is hard".
Another example is whenever I hear a repetitive noise. It's not bad at first but the longer it goes on the more it frusterates and drives me crazy. Like I can try to ignore it but that only works for so long before I can't take it and have to ask them to stop or walk into a different room. But the thing is while repetitive noises might annoy me, another autistic person might do it as a stim. Like tapping their foot or a table. And since I'm mentioning noise, too much noise (especially if its loud) can overstimulate me.
The reactions to said triggers can vary too. Like becoming frustrated at everything for a while, yelling at them to stop doing whatever is annoying you, extensive crying, snalping at everyone and everything, and in some cases even hurting yourself or others. When they get as extreme as the last example, that's what you call a meltdown.
So I guess having autism can be seen as someone acting out of the expected societal norm? Like if you expect someone to act one way because that's how everyone else does it (or it's expected to be how everyone else does it) but then they act a way you definitely didnt see coming.
I think a good example of "out of the societal norm" would be comfort items. If you've never heard of the term, its basically something you bring with you everywhere because it makes you feel safer and/or happy.
In fact, I once had a meltdown because my old principal took away several of my comfort items (stuffed animals in my case) out of my inside pockets (they were pretty big pockets and the stuffed animals weren't that big so the bitch was able to take multiple). And as for my reaction, I am not exaggerating at all when I say that I was going to search the ENTIRE school to find them. And while that didn't end up happening, I promise you that I was.
So whereas you might expect a teenager to just get upset and/or annoyed but except it if their stuffed animal was taken from an authority figure, I was absolutely dead set on getting them back. Although for someone else, they might just cry a lot, or maybe they'd swear a bunch, or perhaps a m.jn.vmixture. I hope this makes sense?
Honestly the whole fact theres a "societal norm" pisses me off cause it shrouds those who don't follow it as weird (derogatory) outcasts that don't fit in when in reality it's just that everyone is different. There's nothing wrong with being different, being autistic, we just are. Nobody is the same and to expect that, that everyone should fit into this societal norm, is stupid.
#Autism#I hope this makes sense#And doesn't get misinterpreted somehow#God knows I've already had that happen once#Really not something I'd like experience again
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I am back Duchess. I am going to claim an emoji so you know when it is me, and considering I spill all the tea, I'll choose this ☕ (which may or may not be coffee but).
So it is i, who am I? Remember the anon who made out with the guy, who had a friend who liked that guy but was married, and that she had tried to push me to a different guy (Jake) until that guy was a little bit creepy? Yeah hi its me. I mentioned how I was visiting my friend, and she was gonna throw a party?
Well I've taken a few days to process everything. And now im here.
So 1) not quite a party but people were around and we all did hang out. 2) there was a new guy, but not the one my friend wanted me to meet. No, no, no. New guy, going to call Aaron, works with her husband and was invited by her husband. He is nice i guess? I didnt talk to him one on one much, but he was very rambunctious. Apparently, my friend thinks he likes me. I declined for her to give this guy my number. At the end of the night, he shook my hand and said it was nice to meet me. It ended awkwardly because he kept holding my hand and I just kind of nodded. My friend thinks there could be potential, I disagree. 3) the guy she wanted to introduce me to, we will call Brad. Brad sounds like a bad idea. Thus the name Brad, as thats the last guy I tries dating and it was a bad idea.
Why is Brad a bad idea? Well well well, thank GOD he was not there. Because, if he was, I probably would have had a meltdown. Why? Turns out HE IS RELATED TO THE GUY I MADE OUT WITH (we are going to go through the ABCs so the dude i made out with is going to be Cole, if I make it all the way to Jake I will probably cry so there is A, B, C and J im) yes. Brad is related to Cole. I did not know that. They don't look relatively alike to me. Regardless, apparently they are. Not only that, but my Friend was telling me about Brad. Brad goes to a wine club once a month, he's in a book club, and he apparently likes those cheese and meet board things. Now, I like books, however I cant stand wine. Hate it. Its too dry. I'd much rather have vodka or a good bourbon. My Friend knows this. Apparently also, as I saw some messages between them two, he calls his mom every day as well as is planning to start online gaming? And eventually quit their job to do fulltime? Which, I do not care for either of those (being a grown adult and having to call your parent every day is something im not keen on). I also am not keen on someone quitting their job just to be an online gamer (but that may because i have talked to a few guys like that before and they have all screwed me over).
thankfully, Brad was not there. Going to point 4) Cole. Guy I made out with. He was there briefly before having to go to work. We didn't get a chance to talk but he smiled and waved at me, also blushed whilst doing. This man has gotten more fine. I hate myself. He was more attractive this time then last and I hate it. I walked to the kitchen to get a snack but had gotten stopped by someone,, and he slid by me as he was leaving, and gently moved me to the side, putting his hands on my hips. We looked into each other's eyes and we both smiled and blushed. The person who stopped me made a comment on the chemistry between us. So that made me awkward.
So long story short, nothing at all happened. My Friend may or may not have brought Cole up multiple times, making me wonder if she still likes Cole. Oh and her husband broke up a fight between two drunk people and kicked them out, that was very entertaining but I have 0 clue what their names were or how they knew them.
So that is the update for now.
It took me a while to get around to this but I am ready to spill the tea.
This is wild honestly
Aaron seems. Nice. That’s about all I can say on that front, the hand holding thing is a little weird but maybe he’s just not great with social cues. Who knows
Brad however. Oh. Those are some big old red flags. The fact that you guys do not seem to have anything in common but books, the whole online gaming as a career thing. There’s a reason why that doesn’t work out for most people. You have to do your full time job and make online gaming your full time job to even get anywhere.
I used to live with someone who quit their full time job for the same reason. Their whole thing was that they were going to be a streamer and get so much money, they were gonna get so hot and then everyone would sub to them and yeah. No.
Look a shark coochie board is just a boujee lunchable for adults. That’s all it is. I will stand by that. It’s cheese, meat and crackers. It’s a lunchable.
I mean it’s nice(?) that he calls his mum so often. A bad relationship with parents for seemingly no reason is a big red flag of mine so the fact that he’s got a decent relationship with his mum seems like a good thing to me.
The whole related to Cole thing is a minefield. I would stay so clear of that. For your own sanity.
Your friend bringing up Cole a lot makes me think she’s trying to suss out what your feelings are for him so she can figure her own stuff out based on what you say. Again. Minefield.
Seems like it was one hell of a gathering tho.
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so we had a crit show and i sort of had a meltdown..
this is what i exhibited for it. i've sort of just been going on auto pilot and then time passed and i had created work but it was just what my hands needed to make. as you know by now im awful with context and i don't feel like this is very successful. i was wavering at every step wondering how it should be set up, what pieces i should and shouldn't include and whether it even made sense.
after the crit show i had some great feedback and very mixed reviews, but it left me just feeling even more lost with the work than before.
people liked the colour scheme and the texture in the pieces, they especially liked the pieces that i had sewn into. i had so many different directions to go down and all 3 of my tutors were giving me different advice on how to exhibit i just felt very lost and overwhelmed.
after the show i realised that my pieces are very vacant and empty, a lot like the person that made them. there needs to be more context and philosophy behind what i made so that it doesn't just come across as homely crafting. it doesnt tell enough of a story. i dont think im being honest enough. its not raw or real its just ‘pretty’
i think i need to go in a completely opposite direction and i think really ive just been too distracted this year with work that i haven't given myself enough time to truly focus on this properly and therefore have created mediocre vacuous art that doesn't say enough. it was too easy and just kept me busy.
i am really struggling still with the research and critical side of things.. for some reason the dyslexia support hasn't happened this year and it really didnt help me much in first year so i didn't go out of my way to try and arrange it. i just feel so overwhelmed and i wish i had someone in person to help me on a day to day basis and just feel like i have to jump through too many hoops to get it. and the help i have received in the past just didn't seem useful. it was like if someone without a disability created the solutions and jut said “just do it its easy!” when it's really not that easy.
Someone in the crit show did provide me with a lot of artists to look at, so i guess i can go back and research them for this but now i'm lost again and wondering whether they are relevant any more. really unsure where to go next with this work. I want to look more inwardly and try to be more honest about who i am as an artist and person but its hard.
Someone said my piece to them seemed like a self portrait and i found that very interesting, especially as i've described the work in this post as being vacuous and bland. nice to look at but doesn't have much interesting to say, does actually explain how i see myself sometimes.. except now i dont think im even nice to look at anymore either.
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Hello you mrs. lady robin hood honey nut cheerio lefty eyebag 😅
Oh no! Delays suck. But it's good that you guys got to CA safely. That's a long drive from the airport to their house..
I am freezing my butt over here. It is snowing and the temperature is down to 10 degrees. Do you wanna trade? I can go enjoy the heat in CA while you play in the snow here. Hahaha 🤣 so all the clothes you brought are thick layers? Hopefully it does get cold but I doubt it because all the cold temperatures are heading my way haha
Hm so you like stories that have a dark theme to it?
So I listened to some songs of Glass Animals. I love his voice. It gives me a soft bar vibe hahaha I think my favorite so far is Your Love. And I didn't know they are the ones who sings Heat Wave. I like that song too.
Hm is it bad that I have a lot of crushes? Hahaha 😅 okay so technically one of them is the girl from the past that I have been crushing on since grade school. I've always like her since we were younger and we don't talk much now but whenever I see her on social media, it's like feelings come back?? And I hate it lol.
The others are sort of recent. Yeah the tumblr crush, she's cool but I don't know, I don't wanna put feelings into it because it might turn out bad.
Haha I guess I could be. One time for our anniversary, I gave her a book of all the letters I wrote to her but never sent (because we were long distance at first).
Sounds like a busy day! How many brothers does he have? So his parents are not together?
Anyways, it's almost Christmas time! Are you guys going to take Emily to see some lights or decorated houses?
- CuriousGeorge
Corn-punn righty eyebag! Hello hello! I'm back! But i bet u r asleep already since u r 2 hours ahead i think.
I tried not to be rude to be on the phone when they were talking.
How r u? Hows everything in the last 2 days?
Sorry for the late reply.. we went to have sushi for lunch, then went to his brother's house to chill nncatch up. Got mexican food for dinner n too the kids to see christmas light neighborhood. Em fell asleep so easy because she was so tired. She had a big meltdown before go to dinner but thank god we could handle it.hahaha.
I'm so tired today.. i had to wake up early tomorrow because im gonna go to indonesian food place to hv some food n bring home some desert. 😁
Hahaha yeah we can trade place n weather for a bit .today was kinda chilly n windy so i still wore my pull over hoodie n thick jeans at noon n wore my coat at night when we were walking to see the christmas light.
I didnt bring all of the thick clothes but u brought long sleeves. Some of them r thick ones, some of them r thin.. i got upset because i took out the cardigans last minutes. Which they would be perfect for the weather right now.🙄😒
Yeah i like dark stories or thriller that has that vibes i told u. Because usually it focuses more on the antagonist's mind such as why they do what they did, or why they did it n what wrong step they did that got them caught, or the revelation of who did it.. N it's interesting. Even better that usually it has plot twist at the end. I love movies like that. I can recommend u some movies like that if u want. 😊
I wish i can write that kind of story someday.. 😊 a thriller story.
Yeah i love Glass Animals. The singer's voice is pretty unique.. n their style of music is pretty different. I love Your Love song. It inspired an interesting plot idea..😁
He has 3 younger brothers. He is the oldest. N em is the first granddaughter on his dad's side. His parents divorced a long time ago but they get a long well so they still hang out or attend each other's family gathering.
Yes we took em n her cousins see christmas light neighborhood. There are quite a few big neighborhood that do that every year on christmas n halloween too.
It sucks when i got the chance to reply u, u r either not awake yet or already went to bed because of the time difference. But oh well, i hope it doesnt bore u from waiting. Just leave me next questions after this. Will for sure still reply u asap
Cheerio!
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Tell me a story
Ty doesn't believe in fate.
A shout out to @ilikebooks8 for convincing me to make a fanfic about autistic!Eleanor Blackthorn. Autism is genetic so it makes sense for Ty to have autistic ancestors. If you are autistic I guarentee you have someone in your family who is also autistic they just haven't been diagnosed yet. For me, I've got my dad.
Cw: mentions of ableism, abuse and the death of a minor character. Very anti Andrew Blackthorn.
"Tell me a story," Tiberius' asked, in that mature, matter- of-fact way he spoke. Ty was only eight but already he sounded like a boy twice his age in terms of his vocabulary and the way he spoke.
Although he still had the voice of a child which was rather amusing. Eleanor turned to face her son with a groan as she felt searing pain shoot through her bones. She had been laying down all day due to feeling extremely unwell. The noises and lights of the outside world were especially brutal, but she had gotten used to it overtime. She had learned to cope. To smile and nod and make eye contact. To control her movements and still her hands and laugh at their jokes.
Eleanor played the part of the proper shadowhunter and the dutiful wife, the attentive mother. It didn't matter that it had changed her. Had completely turned her into a different person, someone harsher and colder. Someone who was so quick to anger and venomous hatred.
Someone who only knew how to be in pain.
She always tried to not let that side of her show to her children. They didn't deserve it. But the past few weeks in particular had been brutal. Her body felt broken and it was becoming harder and harder to put up that facade.
She faced Ty with the best fake smile she could muster. "Which story would you like to hear?" He climbed up on the bed beside her and sat down in an odd twisted position where his legs were in a W position. He began tapping his hands on his knees as he appeared to contemplate his choices.
Eleanor could remember a time when she was younger when she used to do that. Before her parents had stopped her. She knew she should really tell Tiberius off to discourage him from doing these things in public. He was so blatent and open in a way that frightened and almost angered her. There was no telling what kind of reaction The Clave might have.
She didnt want him to end up with the dregs, or worse.
"I don't know," Ty said finally scrunching up his eyebrows. "I can't think of one right now. Could you make one up?" Eleanor smiled in spite of herself. She had always loved making up stories ever since she was a kid. She had always been a creative person, painting and drawing as often as she could. Shadowhunters didn't really appreciate a creative streak.
Eleanor nodded. "Ok sure, let's see." She took a breath, trying to ignore the agony spreading through her back and shoulders. "Once upon a time there was a prince who was trapped in a tower that was guarded by an evil ogar. The prince had been rumored to have special powers so he was forced by his parents to stay locked away in the tower forever to keep him safe. He wasnt allowed to make friends with any other children so he grew up alone. Teaching himself how to read and write and playing games to amuse himself."
Ty rolled his eyes. "Isn't that rather cliche? The whole prince trapped in a tower story? I've definitely heard that before."
Eleanor laughed. "Where did you hear the word cliche Tiberius?" Ty shrugged, not seeing the amusement in the situation.
"It was in a book. Can you keep going?" He whined impatiently. "I wanna hear the rest."
Eleanor sighed, shaking her head good naturedly. "Alright then. So the prince was trapped for a very long time. Then one day a mysterious adventurer came exploring nearby the tower."
"Can it be a detective?" Ty interrupted, bouncing up and down. He had been obsessed with Clue lately.
"Alright sure, it was a detective. He was searching the answers to a murder mystery. The murder of a young women." Ty instantly looked interested. Perhaps murder was not the best subject for a story being told to an eight year old, but Ty was a shadowhunter. They were trained to deal with blood and death.
"His was searching for information and came across the tower," she continued. So he decided to investigate. He snuck passed the ogar and into the tower, where he was ambushed by the prince!"
Ty gasped excitedly, wriggling in place. "What happened next? Did they fight?"
Eleanor opened her mouth to continue, but then the bedroom door flew open, startling them both.
It was Andrew. Instantly Ty shrunk himself down, hunching his shoulders. Eleanor knew that Ty didn't always get along with his father but she knew Andrew still loved him deep down. He glared at them both.
"Ty your mother is meant to be resting," he said pointedly.
Eleanor shook her head. "Oh no it's alright. He wasn't bothering me." Andrew didn't seem to hear her.
"Tiberius let's go," he said harshly. Ty hesitated for a moment, looking up at her.
"But I wanna hear the rest of the story!" He protested. "I wanna know what happens to the prince!" Eleanor sighed solemnly. She didn't want to disappoint Ty, but she was feeling pretty worn out.
"Another time baby," she assured him. "I promise."
But unfortunately she never got the chance. She never got the chance because little did they know, Eleanor Blackthorn had cancer. Something that silent brothers couldn't cure. Something that shadowhunters were powerless against.
"What are you thinking about ?" Kit murmered from his spot curled up against Ty's chest. His breath tickled Ty's chin.
Ty paused, not quite sure how to answer. They were lying on the roof of the LA institute again. It was their special spot. Kit had suggested a night of star gazing for a date since the weather was nice.
Things has been a little weird between them lately. Kit had been pretending that everything was fine and he was unfazed, but Ty could tell that something was bothering him. And he had a feeling he knew what it was.
At Magnus and Alec's anniversary party, Jace made a joke about how Kit and Ty would probably be the next ones to get married and Ty immediately went into a blind panic. He completely froze up at the mention of marriage. At the mention of him getting married. His body instantly went into a complete overload almost as if he was on the verge of a meltdown.
He didn't take the time to think about any of it. He just snapped and yelled that he wasn't getting married. That he wasn't ever getting married. Ty wasnt even sure where it came from. Kit was pretending like it wasnt a big deal but Ty knew he was hurting. He could tell.
Ty traced a pattern across Kit's arm. "Honestly it was nothing," he assured him. "I just-." Ty stared at Kit, studying his face. The curve of his lips, the adorable blush of his cheeks and the tiny beauty mark under his eye that Ty loved to fixate on. Everything ached, but it was a good kind of ache.
Ty loved him.
"I just want to stay like this forever," he murmered. "Here with you, where I feel safe and warm. And loved." Ty nuzzled his nose against Kit's. "I want to be with you forever."
Kit smiled distantly before breaking into a slight frown. "Then why don't you wanna marry me?" He asked sadly. And Ty could instantly hear the old ghosts of self loathing and insecurity still haunting Kit's thoughts.
Ty sighed. "It has nothing to do with you I promise. I just really don't want to get married and I'm not even fully certain of why exactly."
Kit stroked his cheek slowly. "Is it the idea of a big wedding? Because we don't have to do that you know. We can totally just skip it," he said assuredly.
Ty shook his head. "That's part of it but it isn't the only reason." He paused to contemplate what exactly it was that was making him feel this way, feel so afraid.
Strangely enough, Ty kept coming back to his mother. His mother who was always a little peculiar in private. Who always seemed sad and exhausted even before the silent brothers diagnosed her. Who was constantly going along with whatever her husband wanted for whatever reason. Because she assumed he knew what he was doing? Because she didn't want to make waves in a society so rigid and obsessed with conformity?
Ty had been considering it more and more lately.
He sat up, displacing Kit from where he was resting. "I think my mother was like me," Ty admitted in a shakey voice. "I think she was autistic and that's why she ended up in the situations she did."
"Ok?" Kit looked confused. "But that still doesn't explain-."
Ty interrupted him. "She was trying so hard to fit in and do the right thing and she would just let him control her. She kept compromising for him because she thought that's what she was supposed to do and also because despite it all I think she really loved him! And it made her so stupid!" Ty shouted.
"I just don't want to become trapped like that," he confessed.
Kit was silent for a moment, just staring at him with a puzzled expression. "Ok, but Ty you realize that I'm not your dad right? Like I would never try and control you or make you into something you're not. I'm not trying to own you, I'm trying to love you!" He argued. "Ty, marriage isnt supposed to trap you. It's about making our relationship into an Offical legal thing that everyone's forced to acknowledge and accept."
Kit took Ty's hand in his. "It's about making each other family."
Ty looked away. He couldn't meet Kit's eyes when he was staring at him looking so hopeful and desperate. It did strange things to Ty's insides. He squeezed his eyes shut, scrunching up his face along with his fists for a moment before letting go.
"I just don't want to let someone have power over me in that way," he explained. Kit sighed, then smiled softly before leaning forward to rest his forehead against Ty's. Ty let out a little moan as he let the tension release from his body with a sigh. Kit placed his hand over Ty's heart.
"But don't you get it Ty?" He asked softly. "You already have, whether you meant to or not. I'm in your system sweetheart, in your blood just like you're in mine." Ty felt him smile. "Like we were made for each other. Like we've spent our entire lives waiting for each other."
Ty pulled away from him. "No I don't believe that," he stated firmly. "I don't believe in fate or destiny or soulmates. I think it's an overt romanticization of life and the human condition which can have disastrous consequences. It leads people to believe that they are somehow incomplete without a romantic partner which is incredibly problematic." Ty realized he was probably going on a bit of a tangent as he was known to do. But he couldn't be bothered to care.
Kit pouted a little. "Yeah I get that. But I don't know. I like to romanticize things in life. After everything that I've been through, I guess it just makes things feel better you know?" Kit glanced at him hopefully."I don't care if you don't believe in any of those things. I do. And despite what you might believe, you aren't always right about everything," Kit said pointedly.
Ty scowled at him. Kit was undeterred. "And I get that you're coming at this from a scary trauma place. I understand that. I have those too. But you don't have to be afraid of me," he pleaded.
Ty couldn't resist reaching out and touching him, pushing a curly lock of hair behind his ear. "Can I maybe think about it?" Kit smiled and snuggled up against Ty's chest again. "Of course," he murmered. Ty leaned back and resumed his earlier position, staring up at the sky.
He nuzzled his face against Kit's hair. "I'm glad you're not mad at me anymore," said Ty.
Kit snorted, turning to face Ty. "I'm never mad at you love. It's pretty much impossible." Ty grinned and leaned forward to kiss him slowly, savoring the feeling of Kit's lips against his.
Kit broke off and kissed Ty's cheek, then his orbital bone. Ty giggled and closed his eyes which prompted Kit to place a kiss on each of his eyelids.
"I love every inch of you," Kit whispered. Ty couldn't speak. He was too overwhelmed. He just wrapped his arms around Kit even tighter and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
They lay in peaceful silence for several moments before Kit spoke.
"Tell me a story."
In case you missed it, the story Eleanor was telling Ty is the story of kitty in Lady Midnight basically. Also. Not me projecting my fear of marriage onto my comfort character! 😂
Tag list: (lmk if you wanna be added/removed) @playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @knifescythe @ti-bae-rius @dianasarrow @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies @zfoxdraws @julieandthefandoms @older-brother-kit @ilikebooks8 @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @foxglove-airmid @littlx-songbxrd @heloisacosta23 @adoravel-fenomeno @eutonyinwhisper
#tsc#tda#the dark artifices#kit x ty#twp#cw mentions of ableism#cw mentions of abuse#cw minor character death#tiberius nero blackthorn#kit herondale#eleanor blackthorn
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ROSE I AM FREAKING OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREQUEL STUFF???? WHAT IS GOING ON, my god... I was literally about to go to sleep, decided to check Tumblr one last time and see this.... what WHAT!! WHATTTT!!!!!! I don't even know if this is good bad or what but just JENSEN IS PRODUCING A SUPERNATURAL PREQUEL AND DEAN'S GONNA BE THE NARRATOR OR Sth LIKE???? -🐸
YEAH i am normal about this <3 (jk i am also freaking out) welcome to: people screaming to me in my inbox about prequelgate ft. j/2 fallout theory. let's goooo!
Another copypasta and suddenly chaos machine is full on gay I love this prophecy
you know whats funny i just checked the j/2 tag and i feel like for the first time in a long time they are starting to realise that maybe THEY should be the ones who are "gutted" *sips tea*
ROSE HOLY SHIT ROOOOOOOOSE ITS HAPPENING HOLY SHIIIIIT
YEAH
Nevermind just read prequel and well good luck I guess but just you know kind of bleh who wants to watch John Winchester well let’s have hope anyways
i know a lot of people are bummed out but i am kind of very excited actually?? i trust robbie and even though yeah j*hn winchester turned into a nasty abusive bastard, it can be interesting to explore how it all started (imo). it's just the first of many stories they can tell.
I can only accept this circus if it’s Dean telling the stories to his and Cas’ kids and then we have a revival to show that the whole finale was in fact the end Chuck wanted there Jensen I fixed it
i would not say no to this
heyloo bee anon here
um- wtf is happening?
jackles prequel series?? why? i want to be excited about this but sheesh im scared
because supernatural is never dead <3
okay, but, jensen... john winchester ≠ jdm, you don’t have to go /that/ hard for him 🙃
true true... though i am waiting for jdm to comment on this, please i need it
WAIT A SECOND J2 FALLOUT THEORY TRUE??
LMAO HELL YEAH BESTIE
Rose you really picked the worst time to sleep for real
bestie it was literally 4 in the morning, what do you expect from me sdfjsfhsf
I can’t literally can’t we were all right LMAO j2 fallout theory is real and cockles (Misha supporting Jensen) is [gunshots] I’m just laughing cause what the hell is this timeline we’re living LMAOOOOOOOOOO
we would always end up here <3
Do we have the copypaste anons to thank for JP basically confirming the J2 fallout? lol 🦚
yes, everybody say 'thanks annoying idiots!'
ROSE, WAKE UP, COME HERE,
THERE'S A LOT GOING ON FFS
YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEEDED SLEEP
Anticipating that there's going to be a lot of yelling about the prequel on here: I am cackling, but also, I mean, the first time Dean got a look into his parent's past, Cas was the catalyst: literally entered Dean's mind and catapulted him to the 70s. So idk, it's not completely unreasonable to expect some Cas cameos, maybe setting up a parallel timeline since Dean is narrating. What I'm saying is, this is Jackles, he's getting JDM and Misha in on this lmao -Honeymoon Anon
you were right lmfaooo also i fully agree. misha's tweet further cemented that thought for me. he knew about this prequel and i dont think he is cas-baiting us, i think he'll be involved. i'd also be obsessed to see jensen and jdm act together again (though idk who jdm could play seeing as it's a prequel and he is way too old to play young j*hn)
longlivethetribbles heeft gevraagd:
Heyyyyyy bestie, are you SEEING the absolute madness going on right now holy shit
well a little late but I SURE AM BESTIE
bestie wake up pls s16 finale just dropped.
- 🍯
and WHAT a great one it was
I love coming home from work to see all of the chaos unfolding on Tumblr and Twitter. I'm absolutely buzzing right now. I'll probably still be here by the time you wake up and check tumblr 😂 - 🐢
lmaooo and were you still awake?? did you see my freak out??
Oooh bestie wake the fuck up, I know you’re gonna be excited for this one jsnsjsj
god i had SUCH a morning like. it's 12:00 now and all i did since i woke up is check tumblr rip
short summary: jen and dee gain the rights, they post on ig/twitter about a prequel ft john and mary that no one asked for, the fandom loses its everloving shit as usual, they trend on twitter thanks to the beloved twt intern who missed us, misha qt’s jen about cas possibly benefiting from being in the prequel, then j*red qt’s jensen abt how his feelings got hurt by him not being told about a prequel his character as no involvement in & he initially throws a tantrum, and the rest is history - 🦋 anon (ps: i hope this helps a little, i’ve been scattered brained trying to keep up with it all night lmao so pls let me know if i missed anything, bug crew !!)
thank you so much darling i figured it out eventually but this is a helpful summary!!!
I hope you enjoyed waking up to all of this XD -🐢
i sure did!!! also that answers my question about you being awake lmao
I WILL NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND NOT EXPERIENCING IT IN PERSON I DIDN'T NEED THIS SLEEP - tea anon
well the party was still going strong this morning so im not TOO "gutted" see what i did there lmaooo
Now that you are caught up with the news... So idk if you remember this but...didn't jarpad tell jackles he was up for a reboot in an online panel? And jackles answered that this was news to him??
-🍯
yeah i think you are right but he was clearly joking and didnt expect jackles to actually be working on something already
J2 anon spare more of those anons let's finish this - tea anon
please, we're having a ball in this bitch
I saw a post on tumblr where someone said now that Kripke gave J&D the rights, maybe they’re starting with a prequel just to end on a reboot in years time and honestly ? I wanna believe that so badly. This is tinhatty but what if this is all calculated in a way that makes it so that Jensen is slowly starting to fix everything that was wrong with spn - now that he has the rights and he’s slowly making spn his own story ?! I mean he did say in his ig post he wants to ‘fill in the rest’ - and maybe Mary and John’s story is only the beginning of spn related content from J&D to come ??? Maybe he wants to give spn the justice it deserves ?? Thoughts ??
i dont think this is tinhatty at all i think this is very possible and not that much of a reach. i could see this happening yeah for sure
want to hear something funny. I found out I had a ruptured blood vessel in my eye because I was sending my friend a video freaking out when the prequel news dropped and I noticed the corner of my eye was red af. and when I got back online jared had tweeted.
DJFHSJD ANON THE CHAOS OF IT ALL, HELP, are you okay? <3
rose.. bestie... how are you feeling about The News? nsfshsf being european is a curse </3 🐞
i feel GREAT im living for it i feel on top of the world tbh (and yeah it really is dsjfhs)
What am I waking up to I can't WHAT I rested my eyes for like 5 minutes help *hits reblog button* - anon anon
yep yep essentially djfhs
“Jensen and Misha are Co workers who barley talk”
I can’t be sure of course but I’m fairly certain that this is the copypasta that brought the j/2 fallout theory back to life. Who’s apparently ‘barely talking’ now? skansjsjsj. It’s almost prophetic, these j/2 anons have superpowers I’m telling ya.
-poker face anon
next time we get one of them we should be thanking them lmaooo
ok, but are we gonna talk about the "When Daneel and I formed Chaos Machine Productions, we knew that the first story we wanted to tell was the story of John and Mary Winchester [...]"-quote because the way this is phrased implies they formed CHAOS MACHINE Productions with the intent of telling this story (first), i haven't been in this dumpster long enough but the name just tickles me in that Misha way, isn't it so sus??? am i missing something???? i mean with this announcement they SURE lived up to that name... 🧩-anon
you are absolutely right, chaos machine SCREAMS misha and we are all here for it!!
hey hey hey. joining the clownverse, there's no way THEE cas girl danneel doesn't know just how much the fandom loves misha and cas. so 2 + 2 = misha in the spn prequel!
AGREED
So I think I finally managed to catch up on wtf happened while I was asleep and my brain melted. What a shit show to wake up to.
Anyway thoughts.
I don't hate the idea of a Mary&John sequel. I think it has the potential to be good (It has the potential to be really bad too, so I'm kind scared).
🕯️🕯️🕯️ manifesting Mary being badass and John being kinda useless🕯️🕯️🕯️
As for the Jensen and J*red thing.
I can see Jensen not telling J*red even if they are still friends, because J*red is kinda good at accidentally telling Secrets. He could have told him right before he announced it so, so that J*red didn't have to find out from twitter. He was on the show for 15 years, he is bound to get asked about it. The public twitter meltdown was really unprofessional so. Like you have Jensen's number J*red. You could have sorted that out in private like a normal person, but instead you choose to act like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
Is it weird that I'm actually going to be kinda that for them if the actually had a falling out, even tho I don't like J*red all that much. They seemed to be really important to each other and while I thought before that the might have triefted apart a bit, I didn't think that the where actively fighting.
- 🐌 anon
the thing is, the polite/normal thing for jensen to do was text him before announcing it on twitter. it's weird he didn't, and that makes me believe that maybe yeah they did have a falling out. especially with the way j*red responded to it on twitter. if he had no other reason to be this upset (no prior beef or falling out) you'd think that he wouldn't be responding like this. on the other hand, the man is a mysterie to me so who the hell knows. i'm not gonna mourn about it if they did/do grow apart because j*red is just.... awful imo.
#frog anon#bee anon#peacock anon#subtlerainy#honeymoon anon#bestie mutual#honeypot anon#turtle anon#butterfly anon#tea anon#ladybug anon#anon anon#poker face anon#puzzle pieces anon#snail anon#good lord i think i got more anons about this than about anything else before lmao#good luck to anybody who actually reads this <3
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Timeline as of Now, for the main AU
Before Game Bullshite
Kliff as a groupie that was heavily attached to Tatiana (as Ful Kyra) that helped manipulate the down fall of the band as he thought the group held her back. He also was part of the fans that encouraged her drinking and drug addiction (as she was more “cuddly” with his when drunk or high_\)
Nickolas (Tatiana’s older twin brother and mayday’s father) tries multiple times to regain contact with his “little” sister. Almost managed it once, but both he and tatiana had unworked out toxicity (largely because of their parents) that erupted into two lava monsters almost duking it out at NSR tower and Tatiana banning him from the city. (she didnt ban him from the city, but he and his wife couldnt step foot into her tower again.
Tatiana further cuts contact when mayday is born.
Nickolas and Crythaila (his wife) died in an accident soon after mayday turns 10
Mayday enters foster care, actually dispising her mysterious Aunt who could have stepped forward and helped her
Tatiana isnt informed of her brothers death for a good 2-6 years after the accident, and due to time and a typo is lead to believe Mayday is dead too. This leads to a minor breakdown in her office, after which she doubles down on her new persona and refusing to allow her label to sign a contract with any form of rock or indie band.
Mayday runs away from a bad foster home, a bag of her belongings, a few old records and carefully taped togather photos are all she has. she’s around 15. She doesnt meet zuke until she’s 19 and Aunt until she’s 16. She finds out about The Typo and begrudingly forgives “Aunt Ana” for not coming forward as she’s listed as Dead here.
They breifly meet soon after mayday and zuke start becoming friends, Mayday Ironicly comforting Tatiana over her own death at an underground Indie concert (Tatiana was feeling a wee bit nostaligic around the tenth aniversery of her brothers death. went to one to briefly pretend everyone was alive and while and they were just starting out and proving a point to their parents)
The Game Happens-
pretty much like normal only tatiana is even more haunted/enraged by B2J as Mayday shares her “dead” Nieces name Exactly and she sees traits of bother her brother and his wife (their former drummer) in her.
Only thing not going for mayday in the “maybe she is my niece” is her powers hadn’t awoken just yet, while tatiana and her brother pretty much where born with theirs and the powers grew with them.
Post-Game/Our Au Story Line-
Kliff escapes into where ever after they stop the satilite
Tatiana gives B2j her number in cause they need any thing and Mayday is give her old guitar as her’s was distroyed during the final fight.
Tatiana starts to deep dive into what happen with her brothers family, conferms it’s a Typo that her neice died in the accident (Mayday had been home with a babysitter that night), and had gone into foster care until she was 15 and vanished from all public records, but the police presumes shes dead at this point due to no one stepping forward about her.
Tatiana wonders if Mayday Onyx The Rebel Rockstar is her Niece, but doesnt gather the courage to question her just yet, instead she’s flooded with rebuilding paperwork, having to plan out how to inclued more artists to the payroll/ quasa performance schedual and repairing Mayday’s guitar to track them down just yet.
On B2J’s part, they’re laying pretty low, they had a stressful week, and would have likely had kliffs actions put on their shoulders if they didnt put an active effort into stopping his final “if you won;t do as i say, i’ll kill everyone in vinyl city” bit.
they post a few songs on their website, do a few sessions on Zam radio winding down with friends and just recovoring, sending some other pretty talented artists Tatiana’s way as a “thanks for not kicking us out of the city” gester.
Trust issues have formed, Zuke isnt likely to call her, Mayday seems to have an odd hurt-yet-admiration for tatiana still (she finaly figured out who her aunt was, and was in the middle of trying to decide if she wanted a family relationship with her, or was cool with them just being possible co-workers/ boss and employee)
Zuke and DK West slowly start to repair their relationship (most of DK west development happened in the background of this whole mess but it starts in game after you battle him for the third time, both he and zuke offer to teach mayday how to actually rap as… she wasnt bad… but she sure as hell wasnt good either)
West almost gets jumped, warns the two to be on the look out, but neither thinks much of it as West has pissed off alot of people.
Then they get ganged up on and while they fight them off pretty good, mayday goes down and zuke goes feral for a few minutes to get to her. He scoops her up and the three (Dont forget about Ellie) Book it into the maze like back-alleys to escape.
Zuke has to call someone. He cant call his brother as he’s a city away, he cant call Aunty (her support of them cost her alot of business for a while and he cant cost her anymore rn) and their other friends all have day-jobs too. he calls tatiana as a last ditch effort for help. she picks up on the frist ring. a few seconds of talking has him breaking down crying and asking for help
This actually scares Tatiana a little bit and she goes to help them personally.
Mayday is aware enough to have a freakout/meltdown for being in a car on the drive to the hospital, which almost sets ellie and zuke off again (long heartbreaking drive for tatiana as she tries to calm them down and do some basic first aid so that they’re in less pain.
They arrive at the emergency room, zuke and mayday are separated and sedated to be worked on. animal control takes Ellie to an exoitic vet to be looked at. Tatiana is left in the waiting room, blood likely on her outfit from carrying mayday.
Tatiana makes a few calls, cancles several meetings and informs Eve on what happened.
For safety reasons they move in with tatiana, West goes toget their stuff from the sewer base (he is almost attacked by B2J’s friends before he clarifies what happened and what he is doing there)
a week and a half after moving in with tatiana, they meet up with 1010, who thankfully dont mention they still look like shit, but also are some of the frist to find out Zuke is Hyper protective over Mayday when Haym’s arm gets a little to close while he’s telling a story.
(part 1 cause we actually have lot)- heartbreaker
_________
iokldjdsnlm this AU went a long way in such a short time-
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“Why is arson always your first answer?” for the promot list. Go nuts.
(fuck canon. Keigo didn’t have enough time to warn the LoV so everyone thinks he betrayed them. but he didn’t. Dabi also didn’t manage to get the wings all the way burnt off. just mostly.)
Keigo was realsed from the hospital with several doctors trying to make him see reason and stay. He technically shouldn’t be leaving and was doing so against medical advice. He just hoped that he wasn’t too late still.
The base was mostly destroyed, the main battle hadn’t taken place here but the side fighting had certainly caused enough damage. He skirted around the building until he saw where parts of it had caved in, Dabi having a meltdown as he had walked in on Hawks ‘killing’ Jin. The way he’d reacted had just worsened it and in the end Dabi had almost completly burned his wings all the way off. Right now they would regrow, but if he had gone any further they wouldn’t have. And then keigo would be useless. He hoped Jin was awake by now.
He checked the woods and found him, maskless because he’s been having a good day before the raid and one of his clones had wanted a turn to wear it. He was knocked out and sleeping aginst the trunk of a tree. Fuck, he shouldn’t have left hiim here. who knows if he would have woken up if the fighthad gotten too close. He hadn’t had time to plan, this was all last minute and it was still no excuse. Dabi thought he had killed their friend in front of them, the rest of the league thought he’d betrayed them.
Truthfully he thought as he knelt down and shook Jin’s shoulder, he almost had. There hadn’t been a plan to save Jin when he went in. There hadn’t been any plan but to complete the mission and then without thinking about it, he’d changed sides. He guessed.
“twice. cmon man.” He shook Jin’s shoulder a little harder and Jin snapped awake. Grabbing Hawks arm and throwing him down beside him onto his injured back as he let out a scream of pain.
“You killed me! you tried to arrest me and betrayed us and the you killed me in front of Dabi!” He roared as Hawks blinked his vision clear. Angrily stumbling to his feet and standing over Hawks.
“Fuck. Alive, Your Alive you dumbass.” He choked out between gasps as his back contined to spasm on the forset floor. he was supposed to keep his wounds clean, well not like it could get any worse.
“How do I know that?” JIn pressed his foot down on Hawks ribs as he spoke, grasping his head as he spoke. Tears were streaming down his face and he was feeling up his pockets for some thing. Hawks realized it was Toga’s hankerchief and his heart panged. Its how he had know that twice he killed was a clone. Jin didn’t carry the hankerchief around when he had his mask available, too afraid it would get dirty and lost. “Don’t call me stupid when your dumb enough to think I needed tutoring.”
“Mask.” Keigo shoved his hands in his pockets and brought out a ski mask. He should have given this to Twice right away. He didn’t know how to do this at all, its like all the social skills and thought out plans he used for spying left. He was lucky he had even seen one on the way here.
“Where’s Dabi. And get fucked. what he said.” Jin yanked it on and stopped crushing Hawks ribs. Boot still on his chest ready to restart.
“your alive, i didn’t kill you.” The traitor started only to get cut off.
“Thats not what i asked.” He put some pressure back on Hawks as he squirmed. “Did you kill him too?”
“For fucks sake i didn’t kill you Jin. I fucking saved you and Dabi burnt my goddam wing nearly the hell off. I didnt have fucking time to goddam fucking plan this shit okay much less explain anything?”
“Your coming with me.” Jin yanked him up off the ground and as he turned him around he saw his back. bleeding through the dirty bandages, he almost felt bad for him but he was the one who had crossed the league.
“ see? Dabi burnt my wings and i didn’t kill you.” Keigo tried to jerk himself out of Jin’s grasp without sucess.
“Go fuck yourself, we all know your a liar. I don’t care Hawks, and I don’t belive you.” Jin didn’t have his phone and Keigo couldn’t get ahold of anyone, not that that was suprising. so they walked out of the disaster area and got on a bus Jin made Hawks pay for. They sat in tense silent as Jin lead him to their next meeting point, it didn’t matter if he showed Hawks where it was. He wasn’t leaving there alive.
They got off and Hawks stumbled as Jin moved him roughly to keep him in front of him as they walked a couple blocks. They stopped outside a abandoned run down love hotel, going down the adjacent alley to the side entarence with its lock broken off. JIn swung it open and shoved Hawks through first, Hawks back spasamed again against his palm and he grit his teeth.
right away as they stepped in blue flames flew at him as he let his legs go out and fall to avoid them.
“Dabi? are you alive?” Jin stepped over Hawks and into the base. “I lived bitch, maybe, I’m not sure.”
Dabi’s quirk dissapeared immediatly and Keigo dragged himself over to sit against the wall as he watched the reunion.
“Jin? you, i saw him-.” there was a choked off noise as Dabi stared at him.
“why is your hair white? did i miss your big reveal?” Jin’s hands hovered around Dabi as he took in the new hair and burns. “ Looks hot, i like it. “
“Im going to set you on fucking fire again.” Dabi roared and lunged for him, Sako holding him back so they could get the full story. Shigaraki meanicingly approached him instead and crouched down in front of him.
“why is arson always your first awnser?” He asked as he braced himself for the interragation to follow.
#Twice#jin#keigo takami#Hawks#Dabi#war arc spoilers#fix-it#bnha#mha#thedarkonewrites#crossroadsfossil
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"And then, uh... yeah. Then your dad showed up. Saved our asses, like he always does." Dean leans back until his head clangs against the hollow metal behind him. "You can always ask him, you know? Cas would tell you if he really didn't wanna talk about sonething."
"I know." Jack's voice echoes ominously close. He's curled up on his side, his forehead pressed up against the warded casing. His hip bumps up against the lid. "I guess I just... wanted to hear stuff from you."
"Well, I am a fantastic storyteller, I'll give you that."
Jack is silent for a moment. Dean hear a poorly disguised sniffle.
"Crackerjack. Hey."
"Mm-hm." Jack hums a wobbly acknowledgment.
"I promise, I'm looking. We all are." Dean says. "I'm not giving up on you."
Jack tries to regain control of his breathing. Never once had Dean reflected on Sam's time without a soul and thought it was easy. But the thing is, Sam never cried.
Jack's cried at least once a day since they locked him in here.
"I really didnt mean to hurt her..." Jack sobs. It hurts that he has so much control over it. Dean doesnt want to think about what made him learn to cry silently.
"No, hey, c'mon, I know you didn't, I know." Dean picks at a rusty spot on the corner of the box. "No one blames you for that. Mom's gonna be fine."
Dean hears the sounds of Jack shifting around in the cramped space. It takes everything in him not to tear the lock off with his bare hands.
Dean looks up at the ceiling, and closes his eyes. He thinks of a younger body, less creaking knees and aching spine, of a whirring ceiling fan, and a cot, and a bottle of Gatorade, and an out of his mind little brother, begging for freedom.
"It's almost over, Sammy... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I promise it's almost over..."
It was a lie then, and it would be a lie now.
"I'm sorry it's so small. I know you hate that."
Jack's elbow knocks loudly against the siding. "Its okay."
Dean puts his hand up against the side of a Ma'lak box near Jack's head. "You seen Star Trek, kid?"
"No." Jack says. "Is it like Star Wars?"
Dean's scoffs. "Uh, it's way better than Star Wars, dude, you're missing out." Jack makes a little disgruntled noise that Dean decidedly ignores. "Listen, just put your hand up against the side, okay?"
"Okay." Theres a small thump. Dean can start to feel the heat bleeding through.
"My hands right there next to yours, kid. You feel it?"
"Um... yeah. Yeah, I do! It's warm..." Jack says the word like he's forgotten what it meant until now.
"This is the Star Trek thing. We're doing it right now, you and me."
"We are?"
Dean separates his fingers, in a shaky imitation of the Vulcan salute. "Yeah. Sure are, kiddo."
Jack does his best to hide the tears in his voice. "I like it."
"Yeah, well... we'll watch it together when you're better, okay? I promise." Dean's found that saying 'when you're better' leads to less meltdowns. He'll take what he can get.
"I just..." Dean sighs. "This isnt a punishment. Okay? We're trying to keep you safe, that's all."
"I know." Jack says.
And he does know.
And it hurts worse, somehow.
Dean keeps his hand there because it's all he can think to do. He's never been any good at just being there. If he's not doing something; not getting water, or blankets, or cooking food, or turning on a favorite movie, he feels useless.
Theres no way to take care of Jack in the Ma'lak box. The only thing he can be brought, is company.
"Will you tell me another story about Castiel until I fall to sleep?" Jack asks.
"Yeah. Yeah, of course I will." And Dean starts to ramble on and on again. It's something he can give.
Ten minutes go by, and Dean hears the clunk of Jack's hand hitting the bottom of the box, and the quiet sound of reverberating snores.
And for a moment, he could close his eyes again, and hes right back there in that panic room. Telling Sam stories about Dad. Some true, some not as true.
He stands up and his knees creak. A reminder of the present.
Dean lays his plam flat against the ugly carved symbol atop the Ma'Lak box, for just a moment.
"Sweet dreams, kid."
#welcome to my 'heres how i wish s14 had gone' '''au'''#14x19#jack kline#dean winchester#it aint destiel but i guess u coukd read it that way#sastiel#sam winchester#dean and jack#castiel#14x20#moriah#jack in the box#spn#supernatural#spn s14#shut up cereal#my writing#byeee#if u want 2 kno what the Fuk is going on in this send me an ask and ill tell u the basics i guess
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The karev babies and injuries with jolex!!
so listen, I wanted so badly to write these while I was in the airport/flying but I was 100% in pain and not feeling well and right before we took off, @iamtrebleclefstories was the real MVP helping me with this as we bounced ideas off of each other about the kiddos injuries.but it took me forever because I have wanted to write this all day and couldnt until now. anyway, here! have these!
here’s injuries for all the kkc kids for head canons!
starting oldest to youngest,
Gracie didn’t get hurt much at all. she was relatively unscathed. sure a few bruises, bumps and scratches here and there, but nothing super drastic, nothing a few kisses couldnt heal.
ali had a twisted ankle or two from in ballet, landing a leap wrong but it was very rare. Alex still jokes she’s the milk man’s child because shes 100% the least like either of them. she’s so calm, very well rounded, quiet, and the least stubborn of their brood.
Alexa is Alex incarnate. 100% mini evil spawn, through and through. She’s definitely gotten hurt while pulling pranks on her siblings, she’s the prankster of the bunch, and jo has definitely told her as she was older “that’s what you get for being a mini jerkface” though Alex however is kinda impressed at how elaborate the prank ended up being even though she sprained her wrist from the fall. and jo is just like “this. this is what i get for naming our daughter alexa she is just like you” she also has sustained quite a few injuries from wrestling. being the more energetic of the brood, her Eli and CJ were enrolled in gymnastics and then Eli got burned out as did she and Alex suggested wrestling for Eli to try and Alexa had a total meltdown that she was a girl and wasnt allowed and thats how she was enrolled in wrestlings where she gave her brother a concussion because Alex knew she’d be tough enough to play the “boy” sport
Eli has sustained a few concussions in his days. his first one which he got in wrestling by being punched too hard by alexa and he fell and hit his head too hard on the mat, jo absolutely freaked the fuck out. it was right after Izzie had passed and Eli had long since become her baby boy at that point, plus she was postpartum hormonal after having Micah. It was still a lot. and she flipped out watching her son fall onto the floor and also felt better about the whole thing knowing her daughter was the one who was the reason her son was suffering from the concussion it was a whirlwind of emotions. Eli is also one of the most accident prone out of the bunch. he likes to try and keep up with his sisters, trying to show off so they’ll include him in everything and hell end up getting hurt jumping off a bunk bed or something. he also plays football since he was little which resulted in a laundry list of injuries over the years from splinted shins to knocked out teeth to black eyes and broken fingers, burns and concussions.
Alexis will get crazy and she will come home with scratches from falling off her bike or a bruise from roughhousing with her siblings too much. she also has a scar down her index finger from where she sliced it while cutting her own hair when she was little. thankfully at this point, the karev’s didnt even bring her into the hospital. Alex stitched her up at home, already having plenty of experience stitching his rambunctious children up with cuts from doing stupid shit.
cj, cj is the child they worry about the most. she stuck with gymnastics thankfully, to run out all her energy and give her some guidance to her bounds of energy. but with all that energy and stubborn karev-ness comes the injuries of course. cj was the reason that Alex and jo had come to the decision that if they could stitch or fix their kids up themselves at home and they wouldn’t need a CT or anything related, that they wouldn’t bother bringing their kids into the hospital for something they can stitch up themselves. with that being said, CJ has gone to the ER multiple times. she got her entire arm stuck through a window of her sister’s barbie dream house and it was so bad that it ended up swelling up, leaving jo to flip out and bring her daughter (and dismantled barbie dream house wall in tow) into the GSM ER yelling for help. it became a whole thing and no one will ever let her live that story down of when she got her entire arm stuck in the barbie dream house window. she’s also dealt with later getting her fingers slammed in the bathroom door after jo specifically told her to stop and she was going to get hurt. thankfully there was no need to go to the ER that trip but jo did have to stitch her fingers back together after having a panic attack. cj also got her entire head stuck through the rungs of the banister on the stairs. and Alex had to cut part of the banister so ever since that happened, their banister has a giant gap in it… and of course, while trying to climb into her little brother’s crib, she got her for stuck in the gaps in his crib and when she freaked out and then fell, she ended up causing herself to have a hairline fracture in her foot due to the way she twisted and fell. that was another fun ER trip. the karev’s really have their work cut out for themselves especially with her.
Micah so far as a chubby little top heavy baby due to his fat rolls and big karev head has only rolled off the couch a few times but he’s been brought up with six other siblings always running around him or hugging him a little too tight for a baby to be hugged, or a pat on the head a bit harder than necessary. he’s the last baby though, jo and Alex aren’t too worried. he’ll survive just fine. a few sractches from siblings nails, a smack in the face or foot in the head on accident when hes crawling around and either his brother or one of his sisters is running through the house full on tripping over him, y’know, baby of the family things. Alex and jo definitely make sure he’s completely fine but its not the first time and won’t be the last.
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This month has been very challenging for me. (personal post below, you can read it)
From having plans to go back to the Philippines, to cancelling that plans all together. I initially wanted to go to the PH because I wanted this to be my gift for myself as I am graduating with 2 majors. I wanted to visit my family there and spend time with them, as well as my dad (sick).
My dad and I dont have the best relationship, so it has been even more challenging for me.
Ive been in America for 10 years now and this whole time Ive always wanted to go back and be with my family there since I love them very much and they are a big part of my life. Ive always imagined a nice vacation and going on trips with my cousins. Painting in my little terrace of my childhood home. basically reliving my old life when I was 12. I still kept that dream till now.
I am only now realizing that, that perception of the Philippines I had in my head is still the vision I had when I was 12. I am realizing now that its a fantasy and not the reality.
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This planning process for the Philippines was super last minute and impulsive, given the pandemic and me finding out my dads condition is not getting better. I booked a flight right away without any plans whatsoever. I was hoping it would be a spontaneous time where my family would bring me around to places and etc. I was even just fine with just staying home and just being in the company of my cousins that I missed so much.
Everyday since I booked that flight, there were complications and drama rising. My dad has becoming paranoid and his narcissistic ways are coming back and has been triggering me. We have been fighting a lot since then which turned into getting more people involved with this fight. Resulted with me having a major panic attack and meltdown that I do not want to go at all.
All the bad memories I had of him in my childhood came back. Everything was coming back to me- everything that I have burned at the back of my head and forgot about. I thought time has healed me but I was wrong. my past trauma came back and I felt like I was stuck into this trip without knowing what I signed up for.
I was not okay for many days. I felt like I was a helpless child he were able to control, manipulate and emotionally/mentally abuse again. I kept praying.
It was then that the Philippines announced that there were implying a travel ban on the day I booked a flight. I felt that this was God’s interfering in order to protect me from him
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This has been an eye opening experience for me.
Growing up in a traumatic household and moving to another country made me deal with things differently. I realized that me being overly positive and optimistic and being grateful for everything is a trauma response. Its a survival response.
At a young age, My body did not know how to process these traumatic events and emotions so I shutdown. Its like when you have an accident and your body go on emergency mode and you wont feel the pain. I think that is what my body went through. I remember a time when I was a kid and I was numb for a year. It was through art when I tried healing myself and holding on for hope.
for a long time- till now, everytime those events in my childhood are being talked about, i literally have a panic attack and I shut down. I cannot listen to it or talk about it without crying.
When I moved here. I started a new life. I had a clean slate and I tried to forget everything bad that has happened. Its like I cleared out all the bad memories and held onto the good things, thats why I had such a fixation in my childhood in the Philippines because after a while, I only believed that I had a good childhood there. (i didnt have a right grasp of my real past). This also explains the reason why I wanted to visit that place so bad- bc i can only remember the good things, and I had a breakdown when my bad past caught up to me because that no longer existed in my head.
This explains my fixation in my memories of the Philippines in my art work and why I use happy colors. I only saw that place as the “good place” when in reality there are many bad things happening in that country (not only in my personal life).
ive only realized these things now... 10 years later when everything came back to me as flashbacks when my trauma was triggered. and it explains everything in my life especially in my artworks. it explains why I do what I do and I have such empathy for myself because I realize that the artist in me is the kid in me 10 years ago.
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I realized that when I moved here, I viewed the Philippines as my ESCAPE. my safe haven, the place I would want to go back to and retire to since this was my home at the age of 14. I had such yearning for that familiarity when I was living in a foreign place that I developed such fantasy in that place.
I started painting when I was dealing through traumatic events in the Philippines, just when I was about to move here. I used to paint encouraging words in my art, having it as my sense of hope in those challenging times.
I guess that still lives on in my today. I still use my art as my sense of escape and I am only realizing that now. I have always mentioned that these landscapes are my “safe haven” and now I understand why. Ive always referred to my art as a “healing act” but i never really understood why.
I realized that my view of the Philippines is different from reality. I made this to be a romanticized place where I had a nice childhood in but that was not the whole story.
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This is why it is so hard for me to reference anything negative in my work. Ive always used my art as a positive act, to bring hope and encouragement. I still stand with that. I still resonate with my work and it is still valid. but now I see my work as two sided. Its not only that narrative but also the past that I have forgotten about.
I have always had trouble with my art classes because teachers would always push me to do negative emotions in my work- so not just positive but also the negative aspect of the full spectrum of emotions.
This has always been a difficult task for me because I dont want that. My body rejects it. I used art to heal and they would want me to express the nasty emotions here. now I understand why I react that way.
My mother is also a trauma survivor of my dad. So her, my sister and I share these experiences together. This also comes from an immigrant narrative who had nothing on her back when she came to this country, literally building herself up from dirt. My mom is the one who would always teach me to be grateful, to appreciate what we have and to be positive- to the point that thats all I did. to the point that it buried all the negative emotions and memories that I was not able to heal completely and is now still in that place.
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its a lot. its like I just found out a different past that I never knew of. but im so glad I figured this out now. Its like I finally have an explanation why I am who I am today. Everything is valid, there is a reason why dealt with that problem that way and I dont regret it.
Im just so glad I finally have answers. It just explains so much and im mindblown lol
I am not comfortable having this as a narrative of my work even if it is probably the main influence of the work i do. Im also not comfortable of talking about this personal story with other people and in my work.
I just refuse being an abuse survivor as my story... I am more than what I have been through... so im trying to figure that out.
I am now trying to know myself again, my full self.
Im excited to see how this changes my work hehe
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The Lonely Road
Pairing: Gerard Way x Female Reader
Rating: Teen (for online harassment)
Requested By: None
Word Count: 2,400
Author’s Note: Inspired by the song Outnumbered by Dermot Kennedy, so feel free to give it a listen as you read. Originally this was gonna be a Valentine’s story, but now Valentine’s is over, and so I just took out the brief mentions of it. Also it’s a Gerard story so of course it’s longer than intended so taking parts out probably is for the better 😅 Shout out to my number one @mariawritesfanfic for helping me wrap this story up
You scrolled through your twitter feed, as hours on the tour bus left you with few other options to pass the time. Your new album had just come out and you wanted to see how people were reacting to it.
OMG @(YFN)(YLN)’s album is awesome! Everyone check it out now!
The only reason she’s famous is bc of @gerardway
The album is ok if you consider she fucked her way into stardom
I stg if mcr ever breaks up it’s gonna be (YN)'s fault
(YN) should just break up with gee so he can be with frank liek everyone knows he wants to be
You felt sick to your stomach as you read through the messages. Sure there were tweets from fans saying how much they enjoyed the album, and they love Gerard and you together, but those weren’t the ones that stuck out in your mind. It was the negative messages that caught your attention and soured your mood.
As if he was reading your thoughts, a text from Gerard appeared on your screen. “Hey sugar, congrats on the album. It’s amazing and so are you xoxo love you”
You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes at the love and kindness of his message. “Thanks love," you replied before tossing your phone aside. You pulled shut the curtain on your bunk and let the tears fall silently.
~
You had met Gerard at an award show. You had always been a fan of his and My Chem, but you were beyond nervous to say anything to him when you saw him across the room. When he approached you and said he actually had been listening to your music and was a fan, you thought you might transcend onto another plane of existence right then and there. You found him to be surprisingly easy to talk to and exchanged phone numbers so you could hang out sometime.
Hanging out sometime turned into hanging out often. Then one night under the stars in his backyard, your casual hanging out turned into sharing your thoughts, hopes, and fears you'd never voiced to anyone. The next day you were worried you'd never see or hear from him again, having revealed too much of your emotional baggage too soon, but that afternoon he called and asked you out on a real date. The date was perfect for two people like you and Gerard, complete with a tender, careful kiss that took your breath away. In an instant, you were falling hard.
After that it really became you and Gerard. When all of your friends found out, they were so happy for both of you, as they could see how happy you made each other. Then one day the rest of the world figured it out as well. Gerard had come to one of your recording sessions and had snapped a picture of you laughing in the recording booth and posted it online with the caption "the most beautiful person making the most beautiful sounds ❤" The fans put it together and a barrage of messages flooded your social media feed. Some people thought it was cute, many were awful, but you let it all roll off your back as you were too in love to care what anyone thought.
Months passed, and now that album was out. You had hoped Gerard would be able to join you on the road, but My Chem was in the studio themselves so he wasn't able to be there. You understood, but being away from him for the first time, while dealing with the stress of releasing an album, your first tour, and his angry fans, it was almost getting to be too much.
You had finally fallen asleep only to be awakened what felt like moments later by your manager Christine's voice.
"Rise and shine rock star, time to charm the lovely people of," she paused and you could hear her flipping through papers, "Fort Wayne, Indiana."
You sighed. You had wanted this for so long, it had been your dream for years. But now you were questioning everything.
~
"We're joined in studio by (YFN) (YLN), her new album just came out last week and we are loving it here on 106.7 FM," the overly cheerful radio host announced. “You have a lot of fans here in Madison!”
"Thank you," you replied with a tired smile. You hoped your lack of energy wasn't evident by your voice.
"Tell us, how much of an influence was your boyfriend? And for anyone who hasn't heard, (YN) is dating that oh so sexy MCR frontman, Gerard Way."
You had gotten this question at almost every interview, as if you were incapable of creating your own music. "He was there for some of the recording sessions, but a lot of the album was written before we met, so not a huge influence musically."
"What's it like to date someone so famous?"
"I mean, it's not like a topic of conversation for us," you replied sharply. You glanced up and saw the look Christine was giving you. "I mean, we talk about music and our projects and give each other feedback, but that's pretty much it. We're pretty normal weirdos."
After the interview was over and you played a few songs live, and then reboarded the bus.
"What the fuck was that?" Christine asked as the bus rolled down the road.
"What the fuck is with these interviews? It's never about me and my music. It's about Gee or the people on the internet and all the bullshit! That's not why I'm out here! I want to talk about my songs!"
Christine nodded. "Ok, I'm sorry girl. You're right. I'll make sure the next one we keep it focused on the music. We can't have you blowing up on another host."
"I didn't blow up! I snapped at worst," you retorted, rolling your eyes.
"Either way, we're on our way to Iowa now."
"Can't wait," you muttered and crawled into your bunk.
~
The dark cloud that had settled over you was not going away or getting better. While Christine was doing a better job of reminding the interviewers beforehand to lay off the relationship questions, they still came up, sometimes after the actual interview was over, sometimes they just disregarded your wishes all together to get juicy gossip. You did your best not to appear annoyed, but the longer you were away from Gerard, the harder it got.
She's an ugly, untalented leech! She doesn't love gee or else she would have put a song about him on the album!
He doesnt seem happy like he used to before her
The album jsut sucks. I mean i didnt listen to it, i just assume it does
She should just die
You couldn't take it any longer. The constant, incessant stream of hate coming at you was too much. You dialed Gerard and went into the back of the bus, shutting the door behind you.
"Hey (YN), how is everything goin?"
"I can't do it anymore Gee," you said, trying to keep your voice steady
"Do what?" He asked, immediately concerned.
"Tour, be a musician, be someone in the public eye, I can't take it!" You sobbed, unable to control your emotions any longer. "I feel like I have no privacy anymore! Everything I do is wrong, everything I don't do is wrong! I just wanna give up! I don't wanna do this anymore!"
"Hey, hey, sugar, it's ok. Did someone say something to you today?"
"It's been every fucking day," you cried. "I wanna come home, I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't want anyone to know who I am anymore."
"Take a deep breath," Gerard said, trying to keep you calm. "Where are you?"
"On the bus."
"Where are you going, or where were you?"
"I don't even know anymore. All I see is fucking corn everywhere."
"Ok, umm, where is Christine?"
"In her bunk," you sniffled.
"Can I talk to her?"
You got up and made your way to the bunks and knocked on the frame surrounding Christine's.
"Yea?" She asked, opening the curtain. "Woah, girl, what's wrong?"
"Gee wants to talk to you," you said holding out your phone.
"Hello? What's going on?" Christine asked Gerard. She listened and nodded and mm hmm'ed along. "She seemed stressed, but not that bad," she said as she watched you sink wearily to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest. "No, I hadn’t heard that… Yea, we're setting out from Omaha now, on our way to Denver," she paused. "Ok... Yea... Sounds good. Yea, we'll get our girl through this."
You looked up at her from your spot on the floor and she smiled down sympathetically and handed the phone back to you.
"Gee?" You said softly, the anger and fear and frustration having quieted.
"Hey sugar, we've got a plan for you, you're gonna be ok. But where are you hearing from the people that are criticizing you?"
"Twitter," you mumbled and you heard Christine mutter "I knew it."
"Delete it, you don't need that in your life. You're too talented and beautiful and wonderful to let anyone make you feel anything less," he said gently. "I love you, (YN) ."
"Love you too," you replied, a smile finally cracking through.
"Get some rest, we'll talk soon."
~
You had immediately crawled into your bunk and fallen into a deep sleep. The weight of your thoughts no longer weighing you down now that you had shared them with Gerard. When you finally woke up, you were rolling into Denver. You made your way to the front of the bus to find Christine on her phone.
"What's on the schedule today?" You yawned.
"Nothing."
"What?"
"You need a day off. We've been pushing you way too hard, and I just wish I would have realized it sooner. So we moved your interview to tomorrow afternoon and we're staying here overnight."
"Really?" You asked, stunned.
"Yep, we're going to the hotel right now."
It was incredibly refreshing to be in a hotel with a real bed and shower, and everyone was actually thankful for your meltdown that got them this break.
You took an extra long, hot shower to allow your muscles to relax, and then crawled into bed to call Gerard and give him an update. As his phone rang you heard a knock on your door. Keeping your ear to your phone in case he picked up you answered the door.
"Gerard!" You squealed as you launched yourself at him and he wrapped you in his arms.
"I missed you so much (YN)," he murmured against your neck. "I couldn't stand to hear the pain in your voice and not be there to make it better.”
"But you hate flying! And your studio time!" You exclaimed as you pulled him into your room and he dropped his bag on the floor.
“We were spinning our wheels and needed a break from recording,” he smiled reassuringly before he leaned in and kissed you with all the longing that had built up over the weeks apart. You ran your hands through his black hair and felt the tears slip down your cheeks. “And I’d fly to the moon if it meant I could spend a minute with you. I just wish I could have been here for you from the beginning, I wish I realized that you were struggling.”
“I didn’t want you to worry about me. I thought I could handle it, but everything kept chipping away at me until I broke down completely.”
“I wanna worry about you, (YN). You’re my girl and I love you, and I wanna be there for you no matter what,” he said softly, wiping away the tears on your cheeks.
“Thank you,” you replied. “It’s just hard when it’s coming at you from every direction.”
“I know,” he said, pulling you back to him in a tight hug. “But for today it’s just you and me. No one else matters.”
You smiled up at him before pulling him into another sweet kiss.
~
The next morning you woke up with Gerard’s arms wrapped around you, holding you close. It almost felt too good to be true. As he slowly started to wake up, he gave you his lopsided smile and you couldn’t help but grin in return.
“I needed this so much,” you said as you buried your face against his neck.
“I did too,” he said squeezing you tight, his voice still raspy with sleep.
“Thank you for being here. I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” he said leaning down to give you a quick kiss. “Wait, I didn’t give you your presents yet.”
“What presents?” You asked sitting up, as he reached over the side of the bed to grab his bag. "I don’t have anything for you!"
"It's nothing, just a couple things I made for you," he said pulling out a large flat envelope and handing it to you.
You carefully pulled out the drawing that was inside. "Oh it's beautiful!”
"It's us the night we watched the stars and talked for hours. That was the night I realized I was falling in love with you. I was so scared you wouldn't even like me like that," he laughed softly.
"It's perfect," you replied. "What's this? ‘Gee+(YN)=gross, a big sappy love mix’" you laughed at scribbled handwriting on the cover of the cd case. Around the words was a big heart and lots of little hearts.
"It’s a mix of songs that remind me of you, and me and you, but Frank decorated the cover. He doesn't really think we're gross, he's just-"
"Frank," you laugh.
"Exactly," Gerard replied. "I was just hoping this would help you get through the last days of your tour."
"It will," you smiled and threw your arms around him. “I think just having you here for a day was enough to get me through. And I know now that I shouldn’t just bottle up what I’m feeling.”
Gerard nodded. “We’re a team, you and me. Let me help you when you’re down and keep you safe from all the bastards and shit talkers.”
“Sounds like a plan,” you smiled as you leaned in and kissed him. “But only if you promise to let me help you do the same.”
“I promise.”
#gerard way x reader#gerard way fan fic#gerard way fan fiction#gerard way imagine#my chemical romance fan fic#my chemical romance fan fiction#tw: online harassment#tw: bullying
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