Danny bit back a sigh from his place on the throne as two young vigilantes fell from a portal in his throneroom. He peered at him through his long white veil as he straitened himself. He knew what to do. He had done this song and dance sixty-two times now and he was about to do it again.

He watched them bicker from the cold floor of his ice castle, something he made from his own ice so that the observants couldn't see or hear what was happening inside or pop in without his explicit permission. Something that angered the nosey creeps to no end. Ah, he's getting lost in his thoughts again. Its time to start the test.

"Why have you come to my Realms mortals?" He felt almost silly calling them that, but it worked in getting the two to stop arguing and pay attention to him. Ah, the younger one has a sword. Cool. Won't help him here, but he gets points for ascetic if nothing else.

"State your names."

"I am Robin!" The smaller one yelled, fierceness of his voice to match the fire in his soul.

The older seemed more hesitant, taking a moment to assess the situation before answering, "I'm Red Robin. Sorry for dropping in so suddenly-"

The younger cut in, needlessly destroying his partners attempt at deescalating the situation, "We were not at fault! A portal opened underneath us and we were transported here!"

Danny knows that. Thats why he was testing them, "Are you saying that fate brought you here?"

Robin looked pleased before confirming.

"Then you shall stay here, as those who enter the Lands of Lazarus are never allowed to leave."

They both bulked, one trying to argue and the other trying to reason with him. Danny tapped his fingers on the armrest of his throne, pretending to think. "I will be merciful and allow one of you to leave. I will allow you a moment to make your choice." Danny barely got his words out before the older one declared that he would stay behind, putting himself between the king and his companion. Good. He passed the test.

He turned his attention back to the younger, "And you are fine with this?" This is the part where the companion adamantly refuses and offers themselves as sacrifice and the two bicker about who will get to sacrifice themselves for the other. The king becomes "moved by thier bond" or whatever and sends them both back to the land of the living.

"Of course! He's useless anyway."

...wat.

The older one made a wounded sound that made his core ache with the need to care and protect. This was not how things were supposed to go. Were ten year olds supposed to be this cruel? At that moment he made an admittedly impulsive decision and sent the child back, keeping the older of the two in the spirit would with him.

Leaving the comfort of his throne he walked down the steps towards the young man, his snowy robes fanning out majestically as his crown of stars bobbed around at his movements, some even going so far as to float around him as if showing off.

"I've made a decision. For this day forth you are my royal advisor." He stated before grabbing the other guys hand and pulling him along down the hall, "You're going to help me rebuild my kingdom from the thousands of years of war and political neglect it has faced. You will aid me in political endeavors as well as help the people in any way you see fit." He paused long enough to open the kitchen door and sit him down at the counter,

"But first, what do you want for lunch?"

The curse of a god

OKAY ITS NOT MY FAULT THIS MAN WONT GET OUT OF MY HEAD, SO GET USE TO NAMOE CONTENT

If there is one thing namoe learned over the decades is to never become too attached, everyone died at some point and every time he got left behind, for centuries he was alone never being able to keep anyone as much as he wished to.

It was the curse of a god

You had been in this earth for a very long time, seen everyone go but you held no hatred for it, you had learned to find beauty in death.

You had been like this after pleading for a very long time, death had never scared you. But you had done wrong, you had angered the ancestors after your selfishness to save your husband and by such he was taken from you. You were comforted by the thought of meeting him in the afterlife but the gods still angered by the sacrifice you made tortured you and your immortality was granted, it was given as a lesson. it was a curse.

It was the thing that keeped you from the one you longed for.

You first meet namoe when walking through the beach late at night, you had become use to these walks they helped you calm your mind when it felt like too many moons had passed.

You saw him hiding and looking at you, you wandered to his side, he did not move or step away from you.

There was something that he could not tell, something that let him know you were not just a mortal, you were something else.

Something infinite

From there he became interested in you, many nights he came by never saying anything but staring at you, no, admiring you. He saw you as a gift, someone he would never loose, a blessing from the ancestors, mercy on his lonely heart. Something that he could keep, someone he could cherish for centuries.

One of those night you came back, expecting the same interaction of him being absolutely hypnotized by you and then disappearing into the ocean, instead a different man was revealed to you. He was sitting down in one of the tree trunks looking up at the moon, he heard when you sat down next to him.

He always knew when you were near

He turned to look at you, and for the first time he smiled at you, he spoke very softly "come sit with me" he offered and you did

His voice was beautiful, his eyes looked tired and it seemed that he did not have the strength to hold his tough persona "please" he placed his head on your shoulder "Be mine" he repeated over and over like a prayer.

A prayer you would become his, he had lost so much. He had been alone for so many centuries that he had forgotten the warmth of another, forgotten how it felt to have the loving gaze of someone on him. And oh gods did he crave it, he longed for it like a drug.

You stared into the ocean, hesitant to say yes but then you felt it. Tears running down your chest.

He was crying

"Please, I can give you everything!" he gasped for air "Don't leave me, you can't leave me, your like me!" His eyes were puffy and red, his eyes searching for an answer in yours. You hushed him and cupped his face.

And in that moment you saw the image of a god become more fragile than any mortal, all those years alone, isolated, torn finally weighing down on him.

You pulled him into your chest and let him rest, as his breath starts to slow down but his sobs are still very noticeable you start humming very softly.

You run your fingers through his hair, and rub his back, holding him. Reassuring him, you pull his face towards yours, he tries to pull away embarrassed of what you had witnessed, even so you pull him back and make him look at you "Shh I'm here, I'm not going anywhere okay?" He had lost so much and you had too.

The sun had started to come up after a night of soft and vulnerable moments in each other's grasp, he stood up and extended his hand towards you. You took it and smiled, looking back one last time.

It had been too long, you had forgotten the joy of being alive

You followed him into the water, the coolness washing all of your worries away.

As you both swam down deeper, from the above your ancestors smiled, it seems you had found your purpose after all, the true meaning of sacrifice.

Headcannon that price, ghost, and könig were raised Christians/Catholic. They don't practice or involve themselves with it anymore. Their s/o is sick in hospital, and now they're desperate for anything to save them. X black fem reader, not proofread

Warning-angst

A mind broken down and built back up again to withstand to cruelties of war. This same mind couldn't seem to grasp the sight before them. 5 days your body has lied stiff and rigid, its nothing like your usual sleeping form so peaceful and soft.

A hardened soldier, body of steel shielding you from danger, as long as he stood by you, not even the sun could touch you. But what good was his body now.....

5 days have his eyes watched blank and wide the distance between the heart rate grow farther and father apart. Hunched forward in chair too small for him, fingers laced tightly around each other.He's sure he's been in this position the whole week.

After the doctors broke the news to him, everything was white noise. " You should prepare for the worst," the words replying in his head, a distant warning now becoming reality. hearing those words again made him rise with anger.

The slow beeping drowning in the background as the room around him twisted and melted into nothing till the only thing that remained was your hospital bed.

He felt so weak he'd gone through every emotion in these 5 days. He's been prideful, so sure that his partner could make it through anything. Anxious when they told him the news, but more than anything, he was desperate. He was drawing at straws. There was nothing he could do to help you, no way of aiding you. He'd never felt so useless in his life.

It's day 6 he's searched his mind for something, anything to bring you back to him. The reality of living without you is starting to creep in. He can't live like that again just when he had almost forgotten that old way of living too.

He stands, staggering through the halls like a zombie head hung low.

Facing the church doors, met with a bittersweet feeling, distant yet familiar. He should feel shame for doing something like this retuning here like a wounded dog. A man drench in death,surely his prayers wont be heard yet he begs and pleads. that's all he can do beg that one good thing in his life isn't taken away from, beg that the Lord looks down on him with mercy.

There some irony in this he's sure, the enemies he's killed must of had loved ones who praied for them like this, to be looked upon with mercy but he had cut their prayers, denied them their answers from God. It's only natural that the same would be done to him. He's sure those same people cursed him now.

The obligations of a general were wonderful. How Selena loved her job, subduing bandits and helping those in need. But somewhere along the line, it changed with the emperor.

It had all come crashing down when prince Lyon commanded her to kill queen Ismaire.

"She doesn't need to die, we can get to the sacred stone without killing her!" Selena protested.

"Silence, or you'll meet Glen's fate," Lyon's hollow form snapped.

Gods, how she hated what Lyon had become, but her family did not deserve the pain that would follow her protest. She lead a platoon to Jehanna hall, praying that the soldiers of Jehanna might kill her. At least then, she would die an "honorable" death, charging into the territory of a people who did nothing but show them kindness.

Unfortunately, her prayers were left unanswered. The soldiers fell dying for their nation and queen, truly honorable deaths. Even in the face of an invader, even when they lost limbs or bled till their faces were pale, they would not stand down

At last, she reached the throne room. There stood only Ismaire and Carlyle. Selena had not met Carlyle herself but judging by some soldiers' accounts, he was... strange. Certainly not worse than Valter or Riev, but he didn't share Glen's attitude either.

"Please, Ismaire, we could be happy somewhere far away!" he pleaded.

"I-I cannot abandon my people!" Ismaire cried.

Carlyle seemed not to care that a Grado general watched him. He took the queen in his arms, laughing as he described the life they might have.

It lasted only for a moment. Selena tore Ismaire from his grasp, pushing him to the ground.

"Silence!" she commanded, a spell falling over him.

He did not move, speak or even cry.

"What did you do to him?" Ismaire wept.

"He's- he's okay. He'll wake up in some hours with no lasting injuries," Selena murmured.

Ismaire's eyes met Selena's. Behind them, despite everything, was a hope for the future.

"It's not right to kill someone who cannot defend themself," Selena began, "Your majesty, take my blade. I'll allow you some moments to breathe if need be."

Selena held out her dagger, which Ismaire hesitantly accepted. She examined it carefully. It was well made, sharp and glimmered in the light, unlike anything Selena could ever dream of just a decade prior.

And now, she offered it to her next victim in hopes of a fair fight.

...This fight was never fair, not even in the slightest. It was an invasion with far more military might than would ever be necessary for such a passive and peaceful country.

Selena fell to her knees at Ismaire's feet and wept.

"Pray, forgive me your majesty! I cannot bring myself to kill a queen as caring and thoughtful as you. All you have done to Grado since you became queen was aid us and we repay you with an invasion and attempt on your life!" Selena cried and cried, "Kill me if you wish, I know no torture could ever make up for how I have damaged your nation."

At the silence, Selena looked up. Ismaire had retreated some meters back, staring down at her with terror Selena could scarcely recognize.

"You're the fluospar." Ismaire muttered.

"Yes, that is true," Selena answered.

"We met once. You were so kind back then. You spoke only of how it is our duty as the privileged to help those less fortunate."

"...I still hold that belief. I am ashamed I lost myself in my adoration for Vigarde, I know not why I followed his orders to kill innocents."

"He's dead."

"Yes."

"I'll spare your life."

"...You will?"

Just then, the door burst open. All Selena could do was jump to the queen's side, tome in hand. She would have commanded her soldiers to fall back and, cease the assault had she not seen a dozen familiar faces. People of a mercenary group lead by someone she later learned was princess Eirika.

Ismaire showed her mercy, though it is doubtful her son and his companions would as well.

OUGH……. A PART OF SELENA HOPING SHE FALLS IN BATTLE TRYING TO REACH ISMAIRE SO SHE WONT HAVE TO FIGHT HER….. and selena not being ably to bring herself to someone who has done no wrong…………………….. desperately need to finish sacred stones so I can see ephraim route and know things about her,,

@vinegar-on-main LOOKIE

On the Value of Using Real World Political Allegory to Analize Fictional/Fantasy Political Structures

Figured i should just make my own post on this subject instead of trying to explain it in the comments of other people's posts.

For starters, i completely understand the distaste for bringing "politics" into discussions on escapist media. It can be boring as hell and you can get bogged down with details REAL fast if you dont know hpw to articulate your points. But that doesnt mean its invaluable, or something that ought to be avoided in discussions or metas - i think rather that a solid ability to draw parallels between irl politics and the politics of media you enjoy can help make your media literacy more robust, as well as give you a better understanding of politics in general.

When you draw these parallels, you have to be able to recognize sociological and historical patterns in groups of people throughput the world in order to understand what political attributes youre likening to the ones you think are occuring in the media youre analyzing. Im gonna use CR campaign 3 as my example here because its discussion is what inspired me to make this post in the first place.

A while back, I made a handful of posts about how and why i believed Ludinus' Ruby Vanguard could be likened to modern right wing populism (for instance, the maga movement). This was around the time that the solstice had just occured, and we'd gotten to see a little bit more into the workings of the Vanguard as a political movement, as well as Ludinus' whole evil villain speach before flipping the bridge switch. Those few episodes in the Tishtan tite were the biggest sirens for me in concluding that the Vanguard was a right wing populist allegory, but you could see the first signs even before then, when the Hells interogated that member with Ryn's help.

At the time of making those posts, id seen some dissagreement with the comparison to phony populism, specifically because there wasnt yet any evidence that Ludinus was doing outreach, or trying to pull in the common man - thus, the Ruby Vanguard should be likened more to a cult than a big populist movement.

But what is a fake populist movement if not a cult at a broader scale?

Fundamentally, cults are built on the backbones of lies told by a strongman leader in order to hold power over their people. And while looking at them throughout history, it's kind of hard to know where to draw the line on what movement is or isnt a cult (as it turns out, almost all definitions that try to capture specifics about social processes are very nebulous and riddled with caveats), but you could absolutly describe the Ruby Vanguard as a cult! Just as I beleive you can describe the american MAGA movement as a cult - and you can also describe both as fake populism. I truly think the only difference between cults vs fake populists is the scale at which theyre able to bring in people.

In regards to the broader comparison between irl right wing populism vs Ludinus', the way i saw it at the time was is like this;

You have a large population of politically disseffected or politically unknowledgable people who are upset about the current state of the world.

For MAGA, literally 50% of americans fell into this. Its not uncommon - which is why theyre such a great group to prey on if you want to bolster support for a fake cause.

For Ludinus, it seems theres a large population of Exandrians upset that the gods wont answer their every prayer, or frustrated with their lot in life and are able tp find blame in the current world regime (ie. The gods). We saw this with the first Ruby Vanguard member the Hells ever encountered, when they interogated him with Ryn - the guy was miserable about his life and the state of the world. These kinds of people are PRIME targets for faux populist rhetoric, and this was the first big red flag to me that this was the kind of thing the Vanguard would be built on.

A charismatic strongman swoops in to appeal to the frustrations of the above people to pose as the leader of the movement.

MAGA had Trump. Say what you will about the man (and i will say a lot), but he had undeniable charisma. This is a HALLMARK of fake populism.

The Vanguard obviously have Ludinus. Again, say what you will, but he seems to be capturing the hearts and minds of the commonfolk.

The things this leader says to appeal to the common man are lies, often presented as surface-level truths. When you really analize their proposed solutions though, theyre either internally contradictory, dont solve anything, or imperically will cause more harm than whats been the status-quo.

Not even gonna substantiate this with the MAGA movement because if you think theres anything good in there you shpuld unfollow me now

Ludinus preaches that all exandrians will be free of the gods, while failing to mention that the method of freeing is an unknown god-eater. Will the whole world be swallowed? Will the god-eater become the new god? This information is conveniently unmentioned by Ludinus, and theres a lot more regarding the whole god situation he's lying about or painting over, too.

Finally, the main thing that typically propells a cult-like movement into being populist-like is a big catalyst event that propells their leader's message into the mainstream.

For MAGA, i think you can chock this up to Trump as a person. The media went CRAZY with him because of how unlike every other candidate on stage was - this bolstered his voice and his ability to preach to the masses, and him subsequently taking the presidency propelled him into the stratosphere.

For Ludinus, this was VERY obviously the Maleus Key being turned on. An event seen across continents, paired with Ludinus' message being beamed into the heads of every exandrian on earth. Before this event, you could predict that the Ruby Vanguard would become a faux populist movement. This was the event that basically confirmed the hypothesis for me.

And, now that we've been able to see hpw expansive the efforts pf the Vanguard have been to draw common folk into the cause, much like right-wing populist efforts, you can even more plainly see the allegory. But as mentioned before, even without seeing explicit scenes of hologram Ludinus popping up in city squares to preach his word, or learning of the countless common folk drawn in to the cause with the hopes of a better life than their own sad lonely ones, you could use examples of very similar political movements irl in order to pretty acuratly predict where the Vanguard's movement was headed.

I'd like to extrapolate this a little further. In those same posts a while ago, I'd also theorized that Ludinus is aiming to become god-emperor of Exandria, and this is for the simple reason that this is a fundamental desire of many real world leaders like him.

With regards to populist revolutionary movements (and a revolution is undeniably what Ludinus is gearing for), you'll see there are two kinds of ways in which the leaders lie to their followers.

This one you see quite often with specifically vanguardist revolutionary movements, in which the leader knowingly lies to their masses, but in service of a greater "truth" they believe in. They beleive that in order to acheive what they truly think will be a greater world, they must lie and do bad things in order to get there

The other kind of leader lies in service of acheiving greater power for themself. There is no real "greater good" theyre fighting for, no better world on the other side. At the root of their being, they simply want to become god-emperors by any means necessary. This kind of person is very megalomaniacal and narcissistic, and will do anything for applause from the people following them. This is the kind of leader Trump is, for instance.

Admittedly, we dont really have concrete proof that Ludinus is one way or the other in terms of how it is he lies to his followers, but i believe that he is more of the narcissistic megalomaniac style of leadership, and we'll be seeing more and more evidence of this as time goes on. It takes a true narcissist to believe they can kill god, let alone a whole PANTHEON. I also beleive that even if a leader starts out as the former, they will inevitably slip into the latter over time (take the USSR for example). When you hold such uncontested power over so many people, given enough time that power will go to your head.

Something you also see a in history, is when the leader of a vanguard populist movement aftually succeeds in their revolution, the leader then becomes a megalomaniacal dictator, again, seeking to be god-emperor of the universe. The obvious examples of this are the Soviet Union and Mao's China.

Furthermore, Ludinus is a smart guy. He absolutly has to know that killing all the gods is going to create a MASSIVE power vacuum over Exandria. He then also has to know that someone's gonna fill that vacuum, and he sure as hell hasnt posited any suggestions for how the Vanguard might go about making sure an even more oppressive system of power isnt instantly installed in the gods' place. And with as narcissistic as this man has to be, would he not think himself the most appropriate person to fill that position? Why work so hard for so long on this insane centuries long plan to rid the world of the gods?

One answer is that he truly believes its for the greater-good. This answer would be the one in which Ludinus quietly fades away into the background once the gods are dead, letting the world carry on unchained as he believes it was meant to.

The other answer is that he realized that when that power vacuum opens up, he will have put himself in the perfect position to take control over everything, thus becoming god-emperor of Exandria.

But yeah, as long-winded as this all was, you can kind of see how exercises like this can really help with media analysis and understanding the motivations of characters, or making predictions on where certain threads or story beats might be going. As humans, we are fundamentally social creatures - does it not make sense, then, that the stories we tell would be woven with the essences of social structure? And whats more fundamentally social than politics?

Munday Ask Meme

Tagged by @mimble-sparklepudding and @boggleoflight , thank you :D

Share your wallpaper:

The last song you listened to: Wild by aeseaes

Currently reading: Nothing :C The last book I finished though was "The Forgotten Beasts of Eld" by Patricia A. McKillip, which was very good, I do recommend it!

Last Movie: Storks - it's pretty cute! I needed something chill to decompress to xD

Craving: Gluten Free Oreos. I ran out a couple days ago, I am in mourning

What are you wearing right now? Mismatched pajamas

How tall are you: Short

Piercings: Nope. I used to have my ears pierced but they closed back up because I could never be bothered with earrings!

Tattoos: None! Though I hope to get some someday

Glasses? Contacts? Both, but I prefer glasses. I can take them off to rest my eyes, and when I inevitably lose my phone on the way to bed I can just put them back on real quick to find it without an ordeal lmfao

Last drink: Water

Last show: Shadow & Bone (also fun! Do recommend)

Last thing you ate: Fajita Nachos

Favorite color: Purple

Current obsession: @seasaltandcopper pitched an au to me this morning that we've been plotting out all day, where Mal is a minor god and Nate is a human some desperate starving villagers tried to sacrifice to bring fortune back to their village. Nate prayed for help, and it's actually his desperation Mal hears and responds to. He rescues Nate, slow burn idiots to lovers, and they end up having to figure out whats "killing" the other gods and why all the bigger, widely worshiped ones have stopped answering prayers.

Unrelated obsession: I mean. FFXIV. LOL.

Any pets: My cat, Goose!

Do you have a crush on anyone? @seasaltandcopper my beloved

Favorite fictional character: That is an IMPOSSIBLE question there are too many D: From ffxiv there's Alisaie, X'rhun Tia, Emet Selch, G'raha Tia. From other places there's Piper Wright (FO4), Rhysand (Acotar), Vignette Stonemoss (Carnival Row.... but only season 1. lmfao), Chetney Pock O'Pea (CR), Anders, Cassandra (DA). I'm also of course quite partial to mine and my friends OCs lol

(Apparently my types are: sassy man with a heart of gold, unfailingly loyal morally dubious disaster man with style, and badass kind-hearted woman who will fistfight literally anything, all with liberal sprinklings of ptsd on top)

The last place you traveled: The dentist! For the first time since 2019. I have 9 cavities :) Because I am grinding my teeth severely and also not flossing enough.

--

Since it is pretty late on Munday I wont tag anyone this time around, if you wanna steal if from me, feel free!!

"For the burden of a hero was never an easy one. As the mantle weighs heavily upon your shoulders, my friend… I hope you continue to walk. Walk. Walk with a smile on your face, walk no matter how hopeless things may seem. I have watched over your progress with my fading consciousness - and you know not how it pleased me when you would look up to the sky. Looking for something. Always looking for something. When you direct your eyes upward to the moon, I hope you think of the future. "You" used to do that, a soul tasked with too much.

But you are yourself, are you not? The shining star at the bottom of the abyss. Hold that bleeding heart proudly, steel yourself for what is to come. As much as "You" complained, never once have "You" ran from a challenge. Never once have you turned your back on the truth.

The path of the savior is a lonely one, but I shall be with you always. I promised "You" as much. The hero never falters. The hero is never truly lonely, for the moon is his guide. Steel yourself, for you must be righteous. The brightest dawn is yet to come, and you shall bring it forward. I will not be here to witness it, but you must smile.

In time, we shall meet again. My dearest Ares. My dearest friend and beloved champion. And when we do meet again... I hope you will greet me with a smile, and tell me tales of adventures long past."

Oh, he would walk. Walk, for there's little choice to be had. Walk, for it's the only way to live on. He had stopped thinking about the weight of the world upon his shoulders, his body already numb to it. It became a part of him, the vessel thinking that no one else but him would've survived through it. It's not as though he sought the sky for answers, answers as to why it was him who must be burned with it at all. The gesture was always made in desperation, in not knowing where else to look, what God he should speak his prayers to. Somehow, the sight of the moon gave him comfort in times of need.

Don't call me that name...

But then it came, like shadows of the night. Foreign feelings flooded him, setting him alight. Where it came from, how it came to be, he didn't know. Only that it set a mournful flame in his heart, a failure to this 'friend' who was supposed to be a stranger to him. The memories seeped through, filling every crevice of his mind. And what sorrow did he find at the end of it, his soul recognized. The weight upon him did surely last although he couldn't name nor place the past. There were attempts to resist the haunting pull of it all, its melancholic sway, but as it held him captivate, it only continued to swirl. It's a mournful dirge that echoed. A song that not even the gentle hands of time could slow. Is this what... Emet-Selch felt?

Please... don't call me that name...

The Warrior of Light clutched at his chest, unable to give them another glance. He wanted to smile for them. Gods, he wanted to. He couldn't even move his lips to utter a word, to tell them how grateful he was to be guided, for he knew damn well it was not him that they're looking at, but his soul. His damned soul that existed way longer than he's ever had. The soul that had seen horrors unknown to him, the soul that had known love for the Star and those that inhabit it. His heart ached, pain undying creeping to him, begging him to communicate what the soul could not. To tell them that 'he' was regretful. To let them know that 'he' has not changed. That even now, 'he' fights and breathes for the sake of the Star as 'he' is wont to do.

'He' would never yield. Not even once.

Tell him I have loved him.

No.

Tell him I have not forgotten.

Stop.

Tell him I am here still.

He can't.

"I will..." Who? Certainly not him.

You can't be serious, can you?

I was curious on how quickly all of this stuff seemed to unfold for you?

Hermes and I made friends about 2-2.5 months ago, since then, Persephone has come forward (although she took me a little while to identify), and now Apollon seems to be showing me signs as well. All in just a few months. I’m a little worried about not having the time to keep up a quality worship for so many, as polytheism is very new to me as well. Do you have any recommendations on how to balance it all?

Do they tend to be pretty understanding? I don’t want to accidentally neglect any of them.

ok honestly this was pretty hard to answer because it involves a lot of things i also struggle with! so rant time

things did unfold quickly for me. a few years ago, once i started looking into magic and witchcraft, i quickly came in contact with polytheism, and started to look into deity work. then i kind of left the witchcraft part aside and tried to focus on practicing polytheism, and each time i looked into my worship i grew interested in more and more deities and other beings, and i would try and add them to my practice.

i wont go too much into detail because it has a lot to do with my mental health, but suffice to say im really not good at consistency. that would be my best tip: if you can, just be consistent with your worship. its a cliche, but its true and its something thats been signaled to me by the deities i [used to] worship many times - doing something very small every other day is better than doing big stuff and then vanishing for weeks. thats the best thing you can try to keep up in terms of quality when you're starting, i think. don't worry about setting aside too much time to do things, there's absolutely no problem if you can't do big things right off the bat!

another thing is: yes, they're very understanding. they know what you're struggling with, and if it helps, you can always talk to them / pray about it! and you can also get directly involved with the ""gentler"" aspects of the deities you're interested in. but don't forget, they might push you, and they might show that they're upset in some context, and that doesn't mean they don't understand what you're going through. they truly want the best for you, and sometimes getting to that is a hard journey, but they're by your side

there are deities that i've been meaning to actually worship for literal years now but i just can't stay consistent with my offerings and prayer, like Haides for example, and he's always been understanding as long as i talked to him and tried my best to set aside some time to at least think about my worship. i don't consider myself a worshipper of him or many of the deities i used to reach out to because of this time management / consistency / iniciative problem. i know the gods are always out there for me, and i eventually do pray and give thanks or the occasional offering, but i know im not ready to incorporate a lot of deities to my worship (specifically, at least). another thing that helped is that im very religiously eclectic, so "hellenic polytheistic" is not the only thing that describes it, as the orthopractic approach alone tends to make me very anxious. so i let myself be very free with the way i relate to the religion and with my practices, and it's something i talk about with the deities im in touch with.

also, its never a problem to adapt your practice to what's easier and best for you! when i first started getting into polytheistic devotion, i tried to take activities that were already a part of my life and routine and thought of what could "fit" with the deities i worshipped. going for a run? say a quick prayer to hermes before and/or afterwards! going to the beach? meditate and pray to poseidon! it's raining outside? give thanks to zeus! all of this made me feel way more connected to the gods, because i truly saw them in every part of my life.

i hope this helps, and i wish you all the luck Hermes can bring! just be sure to be kind to yourself, and try to stay honest with you and with them. im here if you want to talk about it too!!

everything will work out great, even if its not the way you think 💛

desert-rat poison

Great wide nothingness is a hell of a cradle, all rotting churches, poisoned pipelines, asbestos dusted hair. But still, I find I’m thankful - for roadside daydreams, midnight joyrides, tasting stratosphere. but every flights gotta crash sometime, every up paired with cement sourced cigarette lows. And with my cold hand in yours, we aimed for the best grade in dropping out, dropping bodies, dropping bombs - digging pits as deep as we were able. They found us passed out at the park in the back of your moms car, just cause mine had a bumper held on by duct tape and my driving always scared you. I swear you never gave me enough credit, I’ve been behind that wheel since I was eight. Isn’t it weird how that number haunts us? Eights the count of friends we’ve got who’ve all long gone to rot. Eight coffins lined up like dusted mirrors, drugs and pains and broken brains, I pray we go the same way. I hope they bury us together, since I know that’s how we wanted it. And though this time we slipped by gods grip, we’re all the better for it, heaven wont take damaged goods anyway. The only regret I have is that sunset wasn’t the last. The dying daylight warmed your frostbit lips, glazed eyes cut through me like glass, and right before my eyelids got too heavy to lift, I had the funniest thought: You were pretty enough to snap a picture of and have it fastened to the lid of my casket, I just didn’t have the strength to hold a camera. We can try again if you’d like. Never on purpose of course, neither of us could be that crass. We’d settle into the dirt under that cross on the hill, write wills that say “don’t bother with the blessings, we both know we’re going to hell," but say it’s an accident for our parents sake, when we take one or two too many pills and settle for gutter vows at the wake. Did you know that around my eighth birthday was when I first thought I should be dead? Funny how they put me behind the wheel then, gave me all the tools a kid would need. But that idea never occurred to me, I just dreamed of drive-by shootings, playgrounds painted with undeveloped brains. Somehow, despite our straight A GPAs, we’ve never been smart enough to try to answer the question of life with a trigger pull of our own. So, I guess we’ll learn together. We’ve taught ourselves everything this far, why stop at how to check bodies into the morgue? It’s the kind of library they don’t make cards for, and though there’s no late return fees either, I think we both know we’re long overdue. How about it then? We’ll round the count up to ten, collect dust next to our friends on the shelf. God never bothered to lend us an ear, so that's how we answer our own prayers.

//n.thorne//

Day to day things? Like prayer or like superstition or ?

prayer and stories.

cinder, cadaver, and daksari, the three gods that are in the cassandrian scene, were all directly or indirectly in contact with the humans when they were first figuring out the whole “sapience” thing, so theres a LOT of stories about them all over. most vary wildly and dont have a lot of truth to them, but some are nearpy identical (specifically about how cinder attempted to nuke them all and got killed/locked up. theres a lot of arguing over whether or not shes dead, and depending on which point in time you are she very much wasnt)

theyre pretty casual about praying and will ask for blessings over pretty much anything. want to ask someone out? pray for luck. baking a pie and scared that you fucked it up? pray that itll turn out. trying to mend a tear in your shirt? pray you wont jab yourself with the needle! who they pray TO can sometimes vary, but its pretty overwhelmingly cadaver. hes the most benevolent and willing to answer you out of the three of them. they also arent aware that hes dead. in their perception, cinder is a demon, mostly used in scary stories. and daksari is more feared than anything. they mostly leave her alone.

STRANGER

 To The Stranger Who Once Meant The World To Me

This might never make it to you. I should never send this to you. but here it goes.

I never regret the day that I met you. you're nice, kind, caring, loving, sweet and humble. didn’t expect you to came into my life. we started knowing each other. I remember, we talked almost every day from early good mornings to late good nights. our conversation leads us in a different direction. we discussed our individual histories, including mine and yours. we talked about our future plans and you even gave me a glimpse into some aspects of your personal life. we were two broken souls lost in a big city .

you simply became part of my everyday. you make me smile, you became my favorite notification. I never imagined id fall in love, but you did. you were the complete stranger who meant so much to me. but I’m sorry, I left you. Just like the way she left you. Nag padala ako sa conflict, hindi ko nakaya yung conflict. inisip ko na baka di kapa talaga nakaka move on sa ex mo. Kasi pag about sakanya ang bilis mo masaktan, and I know meron pa dyan na kelangan mag heal sayo.. kailangan mo pa ng time para iprocess yung nafefeel mo sa ex mo at saakin. ako naman narealize ko na di pa nga talaga ako ready kasi kung ready ako makakaya ko yung conflict, yung struggles na meron satin, sa relasyon natin.kung di mo to alam , Alam mo sobrang mahal kita. SOBRANG MINAHAL KITA. I was very happy nung nakilala kita at dumating ka sa buhay ko. I told you sa last monthsary message ko sayo, I cant, I wont, I dont want to lose you. yes, I really do. Loyal ako sayo , But I guess it was not enough to make me stay . I tell you, it was not easy, It will never be easy for me to let you go, but I have to.

Its been 2 months pero hirap paden ako na kalimutan ka. yeah, eto talaga problema ko . Ang hirap labanan yung nararamdaman beh Mahal kita pero kailangan ko gawin yon. Namiss kita, Sobra. pero kailngan talaga eh, I miss your sweet smile, your voice, encouraging advices, how you laugh, how you react on my jokes, your sudden mood swing ,how you tease me, your endless stories, how you loved me, and most specially you alone. I miss everything about you. for the past 6 months you really made me feel loved. so tell me, How can I let you go if you were the one who always made my day? but yeah, I was the one who left. It was really true that I would never know how much I loved you when I let you go… maybe right love at the wrong time? Dapat di nalang ako nag madali noon para satin. kung alam ko lang. Dapat nakontento nalang akong maging kaibigan mo, or.. sana pinigilan ko nalang yung nararamdamn ko sayo noon, siguro kung ganon magkausap paden tayo ngayon.. masaya paden tayo ngayon.. hindi pa siguro tayo ulit stranger sa ista isa nanaman. I dont why bakit nangyayare satin to but im happy that you came. that God let you be part of my life. Prayers do work. I’m hoping that you’ll realize that. I’ll keep asking God to grant you true joy. Maybe that is what true love is, praying and aiming for the love of your life’s genuine happiness and well-being even if you are no longer the reason for it.

I will never forget the things you taught me. You made me believe in love again. Even though I’m not the cause of it. when I lost you, You already have someone who can fill the hollows that I created. I loved you.. and now that there is someone who loves you and would stay with you, that, I am happy. :) my prayer for your happiness is finally being answered in some way. you maybe not my answered prayer or just a lesson lang ulit na ibinigay saakin ni God. siguro ako.. hintayin ko nalang na omokay muna ako at maging ready na, fully ready, Whole person.. hintayin ko muna na maging buo ako. Yung Love life nandyan lang naman yan eh, kung gugustohin mo ngayon, makakahanap ka, kaya naman madaliin kung gugustohin.. pero sa ngayon, ako muna. sarili ko muna bibigyan ko nang pag mamahal, sarili ko muna aalagaan ko bago ako mag alaga at mag bigay ng pag mamahal ulit sa iba. at pag nangyare yon, isusure ko na buo at handa ako pag dumating yung time na yon. Ayoko na makasakit, ayoko na din masaktan, but now i will choose good pain na, and that is the pain of discipline for myself. the pain of growth.

Even if that doesn’t include me any longer, I still love you and want you to be the best version of yourself. You deserve better. We both deserve better. I will never regret the relationship that we had. I appreciate your trust and wisdom. I appreciate you sharing your worries and painful experiences and fears. Thank you for letting me see the way out and for making me choose myself.

I am no longer your Baby Riley. You are no longer my BbX. But I am happy that we met. That you happened. I will forever be grateful to God for you.

its sad that Up until that last second, we were complete strangers, and then we were strangers once more.

Hallima and Halone

Timeline: Myths of the Realm Raid Series

There is a certain level of absurdity that Hallima's life has reached when meeting the Gods Themselves ranks as only in the top five strangest things that has happened to them.

It's strange and awkward and feels like hearth and home in a myriad of ways. They are kind and distant and ephemeral. Hallima doesn't know how to feel about them, so they don't think about it, instead treading moment to moment as needed. It works, mostly.

There is one in particular though, where the feeling is more confused than the rest.

When Hallima was still very young, newly stumbled into the borders of Gridania, some local witch or seer had paused walking by him on the road, staring at him with a thoughtful gaze. Hallima hadn't thought much of it, glaring back with fists clenched- he knew he looked strange, covered in hard scales and tattered rags. This was nothing new.

"You are a long way from home, child." The seer had spoken, voice measured and even. Hallima said nothing. There was nothing to say.

After a long moment the seer's companions had called out to them, realising they had fallen behind, and they sighed softly. They reached into their robes and pull out a small packet which they hold out to Hallima.

Hallima doesn't take it, stepping back mistrustfully.

(how old had they been then? Barely past the Hyur seer's kneecaps.)

"Just some food. I have nothing else to offer I'm afraid. Fury guide you, child."

"Fury?" It's the first thing Hallima has said to the seer. Or anyone in a very long time.

"Your Guardian God." The seer smiles just a little. "Halone the Fury. It's a little gift I have, to see these things."

Later through much observation and eavesdropping Hallima would learn that Halone was the Goddess of Ice and War, benefactor of the benevolent and faithful.

It never quite sat right with Hallima. They never liked the cold.

(They never did talk about it with Sidurgu, but they don't really have to. They've settled into a comfortable balance of irrelevant truths that lay by the wayside of their brotherhood.)

(They do talk about it with Aymeric, the blur of half-remembered memories and suspicions and the weight of Ishgard's sins. It's a rough conversation, but they do feel better afterwards.)

And then Hallima meets Halone herself, and all of it comes rushing back.

They know that the Gods do not intervene in the lives of mortals. The things done in Their names were not necessarily by their will. This does not stop some bitter part of Hallima's heart (one that sounds suspiciously like Esteem) from laying some blame at the feet of the Goddess for what could have been.

The Gods call on Hallima to talk, and always the obediant puppet, Hallima goes.

(Too far, Esteem)

They approach Halone, and Halone smiles at first, greeting them with aplomb. Then her smile falls, taking in the expression of the Au Ra below.

(Hallima isn't used to feeling so small. It's purely because of her sheer size of course, and any chill they feel in their fingers merely the result of a phantom wind.)

"We have said before that we do not interfere in the lives of mortals. We love them, and we are shaped by their faith, but to exact our will upon them is not our wont."

She floats lower then, coming to kneel before Hallima, bringing her as close to eye-level are her size would permit.

"Our pantheon offers guidance to the lost, and we hear their prayers. We cannot act, but we always listen."

"Were you listening then?" Hallima hears themself speak as if through a fog.

"I was." She nods, her voice quiet and solemn. "They wished for victory, to bring hope and peace to their families who awaited them."

"Just them?"

Halone releases her spear, which floats gently at her side, and touches Hallima's cheek with two fingers. Soft though her appearance seems, Hallima can feel the thick callouses on them.

"Nay. I heard yours too. For safety and home."

They don't ask why she hadn't answered. That answer has already been given.

"I cannot act on the will's of our faithful, but I do regret that my name was invoked to put such pain upon you, my child." She says, and she sounds genuinely remorseful.

"I don't know if I would call myself one of your faithful."

"And such is your path to walk." The smile returns to Her face. "One I would not have any other way. A Guardian God is one given by birth, but the one you choose is yours alone, and all the more important for it. Do not feel tethered to me for such circumstances, bitter as they are. Like all my brethren, we wish for our dear children's happiness, in whatever form it may take."

Something lifts from Hallima's heart, a weight they hadn't realised they had been carrying.

"Thank you, Halone. For listening."

"Of course, my child."

Listen To My Plea God

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

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+ Romans 6:2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer

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VERSE OF THE DAY

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+ Psalm 102:1-2 Hear my prayer, Lord;
let my cry for help come to you.2 Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly.

‭‭=========================

** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM TRUSTING IN GOD

I AM LOVING

I AM SPEAKING WITH LOVE

I AM RELYING ON GOD

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THOUGHTS:

=======================

David said he poured out all his complaints before God, and he told him all his troubles, it's not too many people I can do that with, share my secrets to nor my aspirations; everything I want to say, I have to keep to myself or share with the Holy Spirit, because when we share everything with someone we have to trust them, and sometimes that trust can be broken, and it will cause us to not trust anyone but with God we can do that.

I have had my trust broken before by family or someone I loved at one time and honestly it's hard to get a pass but it happens but what we have to understand is God isn't like man , he isnt like anyone else we have ever met , I am telling you friends the moment you fully meet God and allow him to be in your life and allow him in and you rely on him you could honestly say yes I have met him and I can trust in him those of you that have never met him and never gave him everything wont know what that feels like to be near someone that you can share your pain and discomfort to all at the same time.

   David found that in God he said I cry out to the lord; that means whatever he felt, he left it at his feet, and he allowed God to fix everything. Do you trust him with your woes and hurts? Do you trust him with your life? We have to learn to trust him with everything, and we have to learn to love him and give him praise; sometimes, it's hard to do when we are hurting, and we feel like no one cares but God. he cares about everything.

God doesn't pick which areas of our life he wants to be apart of he wants to be apart of every part. He doesn't pick a time of day that he needs a break or lunchtime, he works all day and he available all year long, but we must make ourselves available to him, the same way.

  " Psalm 102:1-2 Lord, hear my prayer! Listen to my plea!  2 Don’t turn away from me  In my time of distress , Bend down to listen,  and answer me quickly when I call to you."

David repeats it: said listen to my plea, dont turn away from me when I am this upset, when I am in need, when I am confused, please listen to me, come quickly, dont leave me to figure this out alone, and sometimes in life, we have those moments where it is just us figuring out what life has given us but, we dont have to do it alone, we dont have to do it without Jesus, he always wants to be where we are and hear his voice.

   Life is sometimes so complicated, and we have situations to come, and we dont know what to do. We are sitting there with all these problems and bills and other things happening that it doesn't seem real, and it doesn't seem like we will ever find an answer. Still, when we go to God, he will give us an answer; it might not be the one we want to hear, and it might not be what we want to do, but whatever God tells us we need to do, we must do it, whatever he says we must stop, but the more we resist his will, and we resist his voice the less we will hear him speak, that's why sometimes the situations we are in is because we refuse to listen we refuse to change, but we must change so we can see the end to the misery we are facing.

***Today trust in the almighty God , you might feel that you can handle it all on your own but you can’t not without God . We must learn to rely on him with everything that’s in woe , every upset and every situation because when we rely on ourselves and men we are limited but God is limitless and we can trust in God for about anything, tear down the walls you built for this world and allow God to be your fortress. ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

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Heavenly Father we just want to thank you so everything ! Lord we give you glory and honor. We ask you to forgive us of the sins we have done ! We ask you to help us to make you our fortress and help us to fully rely on you for everything . Lord help us through our trust issues , we can’t get pass them without you! Lord we bind any demonic attachment that might be hindering us from connecting with you , we bind any spirit that cause us to lose faith in you . Lord we ask you to help us through the day please give us wisdom and knowledge in Jesus Name Amen .

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REFERENCES

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+ Psalm 142:2-3 I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him. When my spirit faints within me, you know my way! In the path where I walk they have hidden a trap for

+ Psalm 143:7 Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails! Hide not your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit.

+ Psalm 143:4 Therefore my spirit faints within me; my heart within me is appalled.

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FURTHER READINGS

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Exodus 30:11-31:18

Matthew 26:47-68

Psalm 32:1-11

Proverbs 8:27-32

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Dream Journal

15/11/2023

Before i write and tell you my dream. I want to let you know if i sholat istikharah regulary for several few days. I seek for Allah's guide to help me healed, i raised my hand and told Him to enlighted me, and give me a sign thru my dream. I asked Him if you're right for me, right for my akhirat, right to polish up my faith to Allah hence give me a sign with green or white color ini my dream, but when you're not right for me i beg Him to erased you from my mind sincerely, and signed me with black or red color.

This morning i'm alone in my house, i feeled so bored scrolling my phone, and feels so sleepy. It's still 9 am in the morning LoL. so i decided to take a nap (is it even a nap time? LoL) and then i had this dream, a clue from Allah. I dont know if this the answer of my prayer or just random dream.

So in my dream, i was in airport waiting room not sure but i feel like im accompanied by novi and della. And then there were a bunch of boys, and you're one of them, i ran to you. And you know what??? you're wear a green shirt !!!! yess im positive with my vision of you in my dream. (please god, is it your sign?) you wear your green shirt with leaves pattern print on it. is it green right? you always wear it.

anyway, your style look exactly like this photo but not wear the jacket. And anyway, in my dream i couldn't see your face, but i knew it is you. I knew from your jaw line, your skin, your hair, your neck, and your body feels like when you hug me. I ran to you, hug you, touch your face and see it carefully, hug you so long, and kiss you softly.

I repeated all of this activitites, i wont to lose you, and because i miss you, i enjoyed every second to hug and kiss you. I stare at you and i feels like you smiling back at me, even tho i cant see your face in my dream.

And then the scene change in bakery shop near the waiting room. i bought us some soft cake, i buy my self swiss roll cake with blue berry cream (tumben banget rasa ini) and della with novi nitip belikan rasa coklat dan strawberry . There are a long queue, and i start cranky, and the cashier girl give me a small tester of choclate strawberry roll cake to cheer me up. For god sake, this scene makes me confused, because i saw the red strawberry color. But the color not so bright (kamu tau kan jam strawberry warnanya merah bening, terus dicampur sama cake coklat jadi ga begitu keliatan merahnya, tapi teteo aja bikin aku bingung dan takut)

but i positively sure, the main color that i saw in that dream was your greenish shirt. I saw it so many times everytime i hug you.

And then its your boarding time, you said goodbye and you go upstair with your boys group. Not long long after that, it mine boarding time too. I walk to my gate, but the path was not good (kayak ga rata lantainya, banyak undak2annya) i feels like you come with me, and help me to bring my bag (LoL) and finally we arrived in an harbour and i saw a huge ship. (LoL i thought we take a plane ride)

Finn.

I wish my dream is a sign from Allah but im still have a doubt about it. And i will sholat istikharah again until i get an obvious answer.

I can't take it anymore, fucking hell. I cant do this anymore. Did I offend you? Did I screw up this badly to deserve this? If so tell me, I feel like nowadays I feel like idk like im being heard but not listened to. I heard if God doesn't answer your prayers, he has something else in stored for u. But im sitting here feeling like a fucking dumbass, what else is in stored for me? Im a total fucking failure. I hate it here. I hate being me. Idk what is wrong with me. I keep trying to prove myself to be better but I end up proving to be a fucking loser. Am I being cursed by someone? If someone is praying for my downfall, congrats you have succeeded. If I cant do this one thing right then truly what good am I? I have hard working parents who work their asses off for me and I have NOTHING to offer back. I feel so incompetent and worthless. I am very ashamed of myself. Over the past year you are worse than anything I could have imagined. Younger me would not believe I would end up like this piece of shit. Why have I failed you, God. If I have messed up just tell me, don't let me wonder blindly wondering why my life is becoming shit. Why have I failed everyone around me, including myself. I don't know what is wrong with me anymore. This isn't me, she isn't me. I feel like a spirit has entered my body and has taken controlled. She isn't me, im better than her. Ughhhh the words wont come out the way I wanted, I cant explain this feeling. I feel truly worthless. I cant even pray I get better, I have no hope in me improving. Im on steady decline. I have peaked and this will be a turbulent time for me spiritually. I've cared so much that I dont even care anymore. Why should I care?

Its just me the guy who never mattered for insane stupid pathetic reasons you couldnt even be my follower listener let alone true friend even once. Youre whatever you know you are... please kill yourselves i wont miss you i wont kill myself why should i have to i am not the problem im just waiting til i naturally die somehow any way but painful or boring or without dignity but guess what i have none because of my wife especially i lost all of it trying to be a good husband to a phantom. A total lie is what i married my life is meaningless. She disnt even meam to do it shes innocent of everything except hurting me worse than anyone by knowing how badly i needed love and leavibg me behind i cried in my car the whole way home for 45 minutes because i knew my struggles my pain my worth had no value after all. My prayers would never be answered and now cant. Ill always resent why she does anything for me now i dont trust it or care she didnt choose to she just knows she has a obligation and good for her for avoiding it. I was a mistake why should she or anyone stand up and be the answer to my worst nightmares... i was taken advantage of sexually eventually and i didnt care as long as i got drugs that turned off my memory and my feelings because it always hurts even rught now like im falling all the time and im always tired. Im just scared but not even just that im used to it so im not scared im waiting to beg for my life because i know ill be humiloated onto contradicting my cries for help by asking whoever to stop brutally murdering me i want to live when really i just wish there was a God or real Love. https://www.instagram.com/p/CkAZlatO9ha/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=