#and thanks to everyone who has already said such nice things. im framing every comment seriously. actually insane to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

enjxxl · 3 years

Text

|| jake x reader

genre : angst ; idol

pairing : idol!reader x idol!jake

warnings : crying ; reader is insecure about themselves : fluff towards the end if you squint hehe

word count : 2.2k

note : sorry for any miss spellings, i don't do any proof reading. also this is written to where corona never happened.

you never realized how hard it was after your debut, even harder than your trainee days. especially when you debuted through a survival show.

all throughout the survival show you were nervous if you would even make it to debut as you felt, compared to the other members on the show, you lacked talent. during the last episode of the show you had lost all hope as the members were being announced, your hope slowly going down the drain. and as you stood with one other person you felt it in you that you weren't going to debut. but as the last person was announced it hit with surprise. your name was announced. it all felt surreal to you and you couldn't believe what the judges had said. had they really said your name?

you had looked towards the other members standing to the side, grins on their faces as they motioned for you to join them. when it finally had hit you that you made it, you couldn't help but burst into tears as you thanked the judges for giving you the opportunity to debut and thanking all the fans who had voted for you.

now, as you sit in the waiting room after your debut stage you couldn't help but feel giddy. the sweat rolled down your face and down your back but you didn't particularly care, you were just happy you finally had the chance after the 5 years you had spent training and working for this day.

"how'd it feel, y/n," your manager sat down next to you as they scrolled through their phone, looking at what was next on the schedule.

"surreal," you sighed out, the exhaustion rolling through you in one hit. as much as you loved the feeling of performing and seeing all your smiling fans you couldn't help but loath the exhaustion that came with it.

"glad to hear, next on the schedule is a variety show so get ready for that," your manager walked out leaving you by yourself in the small room. because you were the only girl in your group, you had to use a separate waiting room from the rest of the boys but you were honestly glad as it gave a moment of peace from their loud and bubbly personalities.

you finished getting ready for the next schedule and walked out with your manager when he had come back to get you. you had dressed down in comfier clothing as you knew you were just going to change again as soon as you got to the other building.

"y/n! i can't wait to watch the performance of us tonight!" you met up with the other boys as you walked out of the building and you agreed with the tall boy. jake, the tall boy, was the first person you had made a connection with during the survival show. you were thankful that jake was the first since he had helped you all throughout the show. when you were struggling with anything, jake was always their to help you. you were growing so fond of the boy that you couldn't help but slowly grow feelings for him. of course you would never be able to tell him since you were both in the same group but you couldn't help what your heart was feeling for him. you knew you had a 0% chance with him and as much as it hurt to admit and come to terms with, it was better that way.

"i bet it caught you stepping on my foot, jake," you couldn't help but scold him and slap his arm as during the performance he had stepped on your foot twice.

"it was an accident," he pouted, rubbing his arm. you smiled at him and gave him a side hug while you walked outside the building, not noticing the cheeky smile he had given you as you wrapped your arm around him. however, what you had not expected as soon as you walked out was to be bombarded, the flashing lights shocked you and blinded you for a few seconds as you instinctively hid behind one of your members, burying your face behind his back so as to not be blinded again. you were pushed and pulled from every direction as you tried to hold onto him but you were soon separated from the other boys the only thing holding back the fans were two bodyguards, one on each side. you lifted your head and continued walking, trying hard not to stumble and fall from the blinding lights.

your heart race picked up as you kept walking as it felt like it was taking forever to get to the van which wasn't even parked far away from the building you were exiting. when you finally made it into the car you threw yourself inside and sat next to a worried jake.

"hey, you ok? who would've thought it would already be like this," he looked at you, a worried expression on your face as you breathed a sigh of a relief as you saw all seven of them in the car as well.

"yeah, im fine, i just got lost in there," you sunk yourself into the car seat as the van started driving to the next destination. the other members gave you worried expressions and after reassuring them once more they all either went to looking at their phones or sleeping during the short car ride.

the only one who never looked away was jake. he noticed your shaking hands as you held them trying to not make it too obvious you were so shaken up about what had just happened. he grabbed your hand in his rubbing his thumb across the back of your hand to help calm you down.

"i'm ok, really," you whispered out the reassurance but you honestly didn't know who exactly you were trying to reassure, jake or yourself.

the rest of the schedules wrapped up nicely and as you all arrived at the dorm you immediately went into your room, throwing yourself onto your bed. you were exhausted from the first day of jam packed schedules and all you wanted to do was rest as you had to be up in only a couple of hours. the dorm was filled with busy sounds as all the members caught up with each other before it finally died down as everyone had been tired and wanted to rest.

as exhausted as you were, you were anxious. the debut performance was finally up and you wanted to see what the reactions were so naturally you had searched up the performance. you watched the performance one time all the way through, beaming at your members. they all looked so good and you did in fact notice the camera was able to get in frame jake stepping onto your foot not only once but twice. you giggled to yourself as you saw your face scrunch up slightly in pain and jake showed a shocked expression. it only lasted for a second as the camera cut to a different shot but it was still a funny moment you caught.

your nervousness amped up as you scrolled through the comments, most of them were positive but there were a few that stood out to you.

sh**** commented

why did hybe even let a girl like that debut? she has no talent and she's so unattractive. ridiculous.

ex****** commented

the other members must be embarrassed to have a girl like her in the group, her dancing sucks and her vocals are non existent how is she even a main vocal???

even though there were more positive comments about the performance you couldn't help but let the negative comments get to you. tears welled up in the corner of your eyes and they finally started dropping as you kept reading the comments. all the negative comments were about you. your mind couldn't help but blur all the words together in your mind ; talentless, embarrassing, unfit, untalented. it was all overwhelming and you couldn't help the sob that left your mouth. you covered your mouth, looking up towards the door and waiting in silence for a few seconds to make sure no one was coming and let the tears flow down your face.

thinking about all the events that unfolded earlier in the day, you couldn't help but feel engulfed with all the emotions you had kept inside of you throughout the day. you had looked forward to your debut for years and even though you enjoyed being around your members and you know you had fans that accepted you and loved you but it still hurt to know you had so many who hated you.

a knock at the door halted your running thoughts and put them on pause as you looked up, finding a concerned jake peeking through the door.

"y/n? what's wrong, oh my god are you ok?" you were stilled in shock, not expecting jake to suddenly come knocking at your door. he came in kneeling down to your level and grabbing your face in his hands.

"i thought you were asleep," you muttered up a response as you tried to wipe your tears, failing in the process as even more tears fall down.

"hey hey, you're doing ok. i promise," jake tried wiping your tears but his efforts were in vain as his fingers were being drenched with your tears. as soon as those words left his mouth you couldn't but let out a sob as the weight of his words hit you. you didn't feel like you were doing ok and the thoughts went from still to running again.

jake, seeing that his words only made it worse, wrapped his arms around you whispering even more encouraging words in your ear. you wrapped your own arms around him and crumbled in his embrace.

"they don't like me jake, maybe i'm really not fit to be in enhypen," you stuttered out your feelings. once jake wrapped his arms around you, you knew it was over. jake knew how to make you weak and he knew how to make you vulnerable without him even trying. you hated how he could see through you but you were also grateful. grateful that even if he didn't reciprocate the same emotions as you did, all you really needed was his presence.

"i don't know what's going on behind that pretty little head of yours but i need you to know that you are fit for enhypen. it may not seem like it but we all need you and enhypen wouldn't be enhypen without you. you are perfect the way you are," jake always knew just the right words to make you feel at peace. your thoughts finally stopped and dispersed, his words filling the earlier negative ones.

"thank you, jake i don't know what i would do without you," you hugged him tighter than before and you both finally let go of each other, him wiping the last few tears off of your face.

"how about we get some sleep? we have to be up in a few so let's get as much rest as we can," you agreed with him and you both got up. he left your room not long after and you swiftly got into bed, pulling the covers up to your shoulders, the only thing peeping out from under the blanket was your head. not long after jake had left, he came barging back in, scaring you as you were just about to fall asleep. you watched as he laid a blanket and a pillow down on the floor next to your bed, getting under the blanket and resting his head on the pillow. you looked up at you as you were peeking over the bed and gave you a smile.

"what are you doing?" you whispered.

"im sleeping right here, i don't want you alone on your first night after debut and plus, everyone else has a roomate anyway," he gave you one last glance before closing his eyes and getting comfortable on the floor. why did he always know what to do? why did he always make you feel special?

you ignored your fast beating heart and laid back down in your own bed. after a few minutes of silence you still laid awake, staring at the ceiling of your room.

"jake?"

"hmm?"

"can i hold your hand?" you let your hand rest over the side of your bed as the weight of your words settled into the quiet night and you couldn't help but get nervous. you didn't know why you were getting so bold but you wanted to be comforted and held. and holding hands was close enough.

after a few seconds you finally felt his hands grip yours tightly and you felt his warmth comfort you in mere seconds. it wasn't long before you had fallen asleep, your body shifting closer towards the edge of the bed so you could hold jake's hand more comfortably. jake, however, had not succumbed to the night, him looking up at you as he let out a sigh.

"what do i do, y/n? i really like you."

#enhypen x y/n #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #jay scenarios #jake sim #jake shim #jake x reader #jake enhypen x reader

94 notes · View notes

pikapikabishes · 3 years

Text

It's Okay Now(Kirishima x gn!Reader)

Disclaimer: all characters rightfully belong to their original creators, only thing that is mine is the plot. Also do not copy my writing. Thank you

Summary: Class 3A's Y/n was having a jolly day hanging out with the BakuSquad, including her amazing bf of over 6 months, Eijirou Kirishima, even with all the stress piling up, like a shaken soda bottle ready to burst, until said explosion finally happened. Triggered by the littlest, probably stupidest event

Warnings: anxiety (?), panic attacks, not eating for days, mentions death, suggestive themes, a bit of swearing

Mentions: mental breakdown, overworking oneself, starvation, hyperventilating, ugly crying, kiri being absolutely biggest sweetheart, daddy!Kiri breifly

A/n: this is my first fic on Tumblr so please be nice, and if you enjoyed it, like and comment

Everything hurt. My head, my eyes, my chest, my mind. I don't even know what happened. One minute I'm perfectly fine, having a good time with my friends, the next I'm in this situation.

Im sitting in the middle of my dorm on the floor, crying and sobbing over the smallest thing. I admit being stressed with everything going on in my life; with upcoming school exams , training every single day to improve my ultimate moves, and the biggest clicher... my dad's passing a couple months prior.

This whole time I've just been bottling it all up, trying my hardest to put up a brave front as to not worry my mom, who already has a lot on her plate, my friends and boyfriend, Kirishima. To be frank, I haven't even told my class or Kiri, keeping a bright smile as to not hint them in on my life crashing down around me. Some days are easy to keep up my smile, to let my mind focus on something else, and then there are harder days when everything reminds me of my dad.

I was real close to him, we did a lot of fun stuff together; going to amusement parks, going out to see movies we both were really excited to watch, going out to eat at our favorite restaurants.

It still doesnt feel real after all this time. It felt just like yesterday he was perfectly fine, we were celebrating my grandma's birthday, and literally the next day, I find him stiff and eerily still in his bed. And then everything crashing down on me as the paramedics regretfully tell me that my dad was no longer of this world, when I sob into the phone to my mom that my dad was gone, when I listened to my grandma's wails as my mom told her of her son's passing.

It all felt so surreal, like if I go over to see my grandma at her house, I'll see my dad sitting there in the living room, greeting me with his smile and warm hugs and kisses.

I sob harder as I remember all the times we watched Disney movies and me crying at some scenes as my dad happily comforts me. Buying me a toy from one of the movies I adored at the time. Him gifting me a puppy when he moved into a new neighborhood and I didnt have anyone to play with.

My head's pounding, a deep pressure in my brain, as I clutch tightly to the same doll he bought me all those years ago. My screams silent as I try to keep my classmates from finding me in such a pathetic state and worrying about me, my brain not processing that everyone was still at school. I fought to take control of my emotions again, wanting to be strong for my mom, grandma, and my friends. Unknowning of the pace of my breathing as I desperately tried to grasp my emotions.

My stress and anxiety climbing higher with each panicked breath. All those late nights I stayed up studying as much as I can for the midterm exams, catching up to me. I even forsaken eating as to study so I can at least get a passing grade. And the times I didnt spend studying was spent training to try and get my mind to focus on anything rather than fully face the reality that I no longer live in a world with my dad in it.

When was the last time I had a fulfilling meal? Three days?? And the time before that?? I dont even remember, the pounding in my head preventing me from thinking too much. All I can think about is what caused this stupid meltdown in the first place, my frustrations climbing higher with my stress and anxiety.

~~~

Today was one of those days where it was hard to keep up my smile for people. In an attempt to cheer myself up, I made myself the same lunch my dad and I used to make together for later, excited to eat as this was my first actual meal in days.

As I stroll down the hallways to meet up with Kiri and the rest of the BakuSquad, someone in a rush, bumps into me full force, causing me to fall and drop my lunch on the floor. I only had a moment to grieve as I see my precious lunch splattered all over the floor before the person that bumped into me uttered a measly, rushed "sorry" before hurrying on their way, stepping my lunch in the process.

I stayed there in my position on the floor, looking at my lunch with grief. I know it was stupid to start crying over something that can be replaced with something else that Lunch Rush made, but there the crocodile tears were. My heart and mind had wanted that lunch.

Without thinking I got up and ran out of school and towards the dormitories, deaf to the calls of my fellow 3A classmates and the incoming call on my phone.

~~~

I was brought back to the present by the sound of pounding coming from my dorm door. I was still fighting for control, not able to send a reply without my sobs mixing in with my voice.

"Y/n? Are you okay?" A familiar voice sounded through the door. Of course it would be Kiri to be checking up on me. "I tried calling you to see where you were, but you didn't answer. Tsuyu told me she saw you running off upset when I went to go looking for you."

For some reason I sobbed harder, barely able to keep quiet.

"Princess/Prince, please tell me what's wrong, I'm getting really worried."

He stayed quiet for a moment, anxiously waiting for my response. And of course my body betrays me when an ugly sob wracks through my very being, unable to quiet it down.

"Princess/Prince, are you crying?!" Kiri's voice carried his panic and worry. "I'm coming in!" He warned before slamming the door open.

I barely raised my head to meet his worried crimson eyes as his giant frame took up most of the doorway, frozen. His expression falls at the sight of the giant crocodile tears running down my face, distress written all over my expression.

Without saying anything, he rushed over to my side, his big, warm hand landing on my back, immediately rubbing gentle circles as to comfort me.

"Baby, what's wrong? Tell me," he asked, voice trying to soothe me. I shook my head, unable to say or utter a word and I dropped my head again, breathing erratic. "You're hyperventilating, baby. You need to try and calm down a bit."

More sobs was the only thing I responded with. Hearing some shuffling, a moment passed before a soft calming melody sounded through the storm in my mind, along with the sound of gentle falling rain. It was the same several hour music track that I would usually listen to when something was bothering me.

I've always loved the sound of falling rain and ocean waves.

Kiri dropped his phone to the floor, letting the music wrap us in its soothing melody. He brought his hand to my cheek to gently bring my face up and face him. His expression sad as he gets a better look at my distraught, of the crocodile tears streaming down my face, of the deep sadness in my eyes.

Letting his other hand to join my face, he gently wiped away my tears as I tried to control my breathing. "Baby, you have to calm down. It's okay now, I'm here," he said in a gentle voice, bringing me up onto his lap, and wrapping his strong arms around me.

I clutch onto his uniform jacket, burying my face into his chest as I sobbed away, ruining his uniform with my tears and snot.

He gently rocked the both of us, bringing one of his hands up to my head as he softly brushed his fingers through my hair. "Shhh, baby. It's okay. It's okay," he whispered in my ear.

I don't know how long we sat there, listening to falling rain, Kiri rocking us, whispering calming words into my ear before my breathing was back to normal and my sobs turning into sniffles. Even long after I've calmed down, Kiri still held onto me tightly, grounding me from the storm whirling in my mind.

Only when I lifted up my head from his chest to look up at him did he give me a soft smile, reaching up to brush away strands of hair from my face and eyes. Then, Kiri reached over to his phone, pausing the music before turning back to me.

"Feeling better?"

I slowly nodded my head, my voice hoarse as I finally managed to give a reply, "Yeah, a little bit."

"What happened back there?" Kiri asked, his brow furrowed in worry.

Tears were already welling up in my (e/c) eyes, my bottom trembling as I fought to hold back the tears. Kiri reached up one hand to hold my chin, his thumb softly brushing my bottom lip.

"Please baby, I hate seeing you so distraught," he told me, eyes full of concern as he continued to stroke my bottom lip, as if trying to coax the words to come out, to explain what was paining me so much so he can fix it.

"I-" I stuttered, sniffling back the tears. "I miss him."

"Miss who, baby?" Kiri asked, confused.

"M-my dad," I said, voice now shaky as the tears started falling again. "I m-miss him so much."

Kiri seemed to come to the conclusion that I might have only been extremely homesick. "Why dont you go visit him today then? It's Friday, so you can just stay with him for the weekend."

I violently shook my head. "I-I can't."

"Why not, baby?" He started stroking my back again to try and comfort me.

"H-he died! Two months ago!" I sobbed, pressing my face to his chest again.

"Oh fuck. Shit, I am soo sorry baby. Why didn't you tell me?" Kiri asked, hugging me tightly to him. "I would've been there for you."

"I-I didn't w-want to w-worry y-you," I cried.

Kirishima started rocking us both again, his grip on me tighter as if trying to hold me together. "Of course I'm going to be worried baby. I have been worried about you. I noticed you've been distancing yourself for a while now, but I didn't want to make you talk when you weren't ready. God, I'm so unmanly, not realizing that you were in so much pain all this time." He placed his hand on top of my head. "I am sooo sorry, baby."

I sniffled, shaking my head. "D-Don't be. I w-was the one who d-decided not to t-tell any of you g-guys. I-it's not your f-fault."

"But why didn't you tell us baby? You know we all would've been here for you."

I shrugged. "I-I just wanted to be s-strong for y-you guys. I d-didn't want to w-worry any of you."

"Oh, babe." He pulled back enough to look at me. "You are strong. But it's okay to lean on us, on mee. Just because you're crying, doesn't make you weak. You're mourning, and its okay to cry when you're mourning. It just shows how close you are with your dad and how much you're missing him."

"But... But it feels like my fault though," I cried.

"What do you mean?" His brows furrowed again in confusion.

"I... I was there that night. The night he passed." I wiped at the tears even though it was fruitless with how the tears continued to fall. "We were all happily celebrating my grandma's birthday. We were all laughing. And I went to sleep a bit late that night. I noticed how his was position in his bed when I got up to use the bathroom, but I didnt think any of it. My dad sits in that position sometimes, and I know that he goes to sleep way later than me. And when I woke up at 11 the next morning because of my grandma calling for me, I got up to see what she needed. You remember, that my grandma cant really move around that well anymore?" I asked him.

Kiri nodded his head, remembering that I helped my grandma when the two of us had dinner with my dad and grandma. "So when I got up and headed towards her room, I saw my dad in the same position. But figured he must've just fallen asleep... Then I went to use the bathroom after helping my grandma, and when I looked closer, I noticed how swollen his feet were. I... I knew my dad was always sick and his legs getting swollen all the time, but... I-I just didnt think I'd find him like that." I cried, covering my mouth as another sob wracked threw me. "Vomit... All over the blankets and his bierd... A blood clot hanging from his nose-"

"Shhh, its okay, baby" Kiri hushed me, rubbing my back, "If it's too much for you, you don't have to explain anymore."

After waiting for my breathing to stabilize again, I continued, "I... I just feel like if I had checked up on him before I went to bed... Maybe... Maybe the paramedics would've been able to save him..."

Kiri grabbed onto my shoulders to pull me away so as to look me dead in the eyes with a stern look. "Y/n, listen to me. It is not your fault," he said firmly. "Okay? It is not your fault. Sometimes these things happen."

"But-" I started, but he cut me off.

"No but's. Okay? I know I havent known him as long as you, but I could tell from the first time I met him that he was soo proud of you. And probably still is." His words made me cry harder, my bottom lip trembling again as I tried to pull myself together in front of this amazing man in front of me. "There's no need to beat yourself up over this," Kiri said, pressing a kiss to my forehead as I started bawling my eyes out again. Kiri started rocking us again, holding me tight as I let out all my sadness and anguish.

"Shhhh... It's okay... Everything's will be okay..." He mumbled in my ear. "Let it all out."

We stayed like that for the next hour as I let out all my suffering, the scent of his cologne, the comforting words, and the sound of the music track all lulling me to sleep, my mind and body too heavy to fight it off.

~~~

I woke up to a dark room, the sun long gone over the horizon. I blearily blinked my eyes open, feeling my tears dried over the skin of my cheeks. All of a sudden, a warm hand slides under my shirt, rubbing a thumb on my stomach. A face was then buried into the back of my neck, a soft pair of lips kissing at the skin.

"Morning beautiful/handsome," came Kiri's sleep filled voice

"Mmnn what time is it?" I mumbled.

Kiri pulled away for a moment, turning to reach behind him for presumably his phone on my nightstand. Squinting at the glare of the phone, Kiri gave me an answer, "7 o'clock at night, so its just about dinner time." Dropping his phone back onto the nightstand, he resumed his position of spooning me, completely dwarfing my body with his giant frame. "You haven't ate lunch right?"

I shook my head. "Or breakfast. Or dinner last night. Or any meals for the past few days."

"What?" Kiri shot up, glaring down at me. "And the time before that?"

I shrugged, my brain too drained to think of a solid answer. "Couple days."

"Y/n!"

"I know, I know. I shouldn't be skipping my meals everyday. I should eat at least once a day."

"Is that why you look thinner? Cause you've been skipping your meals??!"

I shrug at him. "I was busy studying for the midterms. Besides I never went 3 days without eating something."

"That's not the point!" Kiri rubbed his hand down his face before looking at me with worry. "You shouldn't be skipping any meals or overworking yourself like this." He reached over to brush a lock of hair away. "Babe, my heart hurts at the thought of you not taking care of yourself."

I place my hand on top of his, leaning into his touch. "I know... I'm sorry. I didnt mean to worry you like this. I just... couldn't come to terms with reality so I busied myself to make me forget the pain. On the bright side I came up with this new, awesome ultimate move I've been dying to show you," I said with some excitement, trying to cheer him up.

He scowled sternly at me for a moment before sighing, shaking his head, any trace of worry and frustration gone from his face as a small smile took over his lips. "Alright fine." But then the stern look came back as he firmly told me, "But I'm not letting you skip any meals anymore, even if I have to force you to eat. And you're not doing no studying or training this weekend."

"Wait, but-" I tried to counter, stopped when the stern look in his eyes intensified.

"No if's, and's or but's. Unless its yours up in the air as I fuck you so hard you wont be able to do anything this weekend but relax."

I blushed and swallowed loudly. "Good, now wait here while I go get you a plate. Bakugou's supposed to be cooking tonight." He leaned down to plant a kiss on my lips. Then another. Then another and another before pulling away only slightly to look into my eyes with that familiar dark look in his eyes, a smirk forming on his handsome face. "Maybe I should grab you two plates. You're going to need it for fuel for tonight."

My faced burned as I realized what he meant. He chuckled darkly before standing up and walking towards the door. "I'll be back in a few. And you better be stripped down to nothing by the time I get back." Turning back towards me with a seductive look. "Don't you worry about a thing, baby girl/boy. Daddy's going to take real good care of you this weekend." Then he opened the door and stepped out, closing the door behind him.

I gulped loudly, already feeling that familiar heat down below.

It was going to a long weekend.

#gender neutral #anguish #daddy kirishima #mentally drained #kirishima eijiro x reader #my hero academia

40 notes · View notes

babybakuu · 4 years

Note

Hey I have to request for Bakugou x reader prompt: 11 & 18 pls

request from this prompt list!

11. Wow, you look..amazing. & 18. That was kind of hot.

A/N: im so sorry these are taking so long to come out lmaooo i have writers block and im really hating editing rn so this will be half way unedited,, thank u for requesting and waiting babie,, also its under a read more bc i can’t believe i wrote mfing 3k words for this

“Wow,” Katsuki says almost breathlessly, “you look..amazing.”

Your eyes narrow in on the blonde who’s currently standing in your doorway. You can’t tell if he’s lying or simply just pulling your leg. Did he always have to be so sarcastic? “Haha, very funny Katsuki.” You’re rolling your eyes with a pink tint on your cheeks and your hands start to fidget with the bottom of your dress. “Can we just get this over with?”

“I’m being serious you know. You look good.” He says as he holds out an arm for you to grab and you do. But you were waiting for it- the punchline, the teasing- “I didn’t know a gorilla could dress up so nice.”

There it was.

“Shut the hell up.” You deliver a solid punch to his arm as he leads you to his car but he doesn’t even flinch. “Remember I’m doing you a favor, if you’re not nice to me maybe I’ll slip up and tell your parents during dinner that we’re not really dating.”

He pauses and glances in your direction. “You wouldn’t.”

You shrug. “Maybe I would. How long has this been going on for Katsuki? 6 months? 8? How disappointed would they be to hear-”

“Alright, just shut up.” He huffs, holding the car door open. You’re cocking an eyebrow at him, arms folded against your chest, and the expression has him hesitating. “I mean uh, please..shut up?”

A scoff slips past your lips and you find yourself rolling your eyes. “Better.” You sigh, while climbing in. “Not the best but better.” The door closes with a thump next to you and you’re scanning his car. It’s spotless like usual, the leather seats didn’t have a speck of dust on them, and it smells just like burnt caramel- a scent that was growing on you a little too much.

“Brief me.” You say as he climbs in. “What have we done since we last saw your parents?”

“You tell me.”

“How come I have to think of everything in this fake relationship?” A prominent pout is on your face and for a second, you swore you saw him staring at your lips. Was your choice of lipstick too much? Not good enough? You’re suddenly self conscious but he turns away, buckles his seat belt, and starts driving.

“Well, if we were really dating- what would you like to do?” He catches a glance from the corner of his eyes and you’re sitting there, arms folded against your chest and that pout on your lips fades.

“If we were really dating huh.” You absentmindedly repeat. The sentence settles in your mind and the butterflies in your stomach start fluttering.

If you two were really dating..how nice would that be? You wouldn’t see him every once in a blue moon when he asked you to come to dinner with his parents. You’d probably get to eat more of his cooking. And maybe, just maybe- he would hold your hand just because he wanted to, not for show.

“Hello? Earth to planet dumbass?” He questions, breaking you out of your thoughts.

“Uh..camping..” You reply. “I’d really like to go camping.”

“Camping..huh. I didn’t expect that from you.”

“Well, I’d want to do something you enjoy and I’ve never been so..”

“Maybe we should go.” He pauses, throwing another glance in your direction. “Just you and me, it’ll be fun.” A small smile spreads across your face and your stomach is doing backflips at the thought. Just you and him? How many days would you spend together completely alone? “Can’t wait to see you eat shit while hiking.”

“Fuck you asshole. I take it back, I don’t want to go anywhere with you.” He does this ugly laugh snort thing and you can’t help but smile as your heart flutters a bit for the millionth time in the past 10 minutes. Maybe you should go see a doctor for that.

“Seriously- clear your schedule for next week, I’ll take you for your birthday.” And suddenly, you find yourself holding a hand against your heart and you’re warm, so so warm.

“You..remembered?”

“Why would I not remember my girl’s birthday?” He asks as if it’s the dumbest question ever.

My girl.

Your head is spinning and that smile tugging at the corner of your lips won’t go away no matter how hard you’re trying to make it disappear.

“What kind of fake boyfriend would I be?”

Oh.

Right.

This wasn’t real. And like magic the smile on your lips is gone.

“Yeah..haha.” You’re forcing a laugh but the disappointment on your face is evident. Your gritting your teeth and mentally cursing at the fact you are so so so head over heels in love with him. Curse him for being so handsome, for being so tall, for being so charming but at the same time annoyingly sarcastic, for being-

“Are you okay?” Katsuki asks breaking you out of your thoughts. He gives you this look. His eyebrows are furrowed, his head is tilted, and there’s genuine concern in his eyes. “We’ve been parked for ten minutes and you haven’t said a word.”

“Sorry, I was uh, thinking about something.” He’s staring at you with those red eyes that make you squirm in your seat with an intensity that rivaled the sun itself. Those eyes could pierce through metal just with a glance and he was looking at you with them? You’d probably die if you made direct eye contact.

“You know you can talk to me right?”

And when those words slip out of his mouth, you have an urge to confess right there and then. You want to tell him you’ve been in love with him since you’ve started this whole charade. But you don’t. Instead, you nod your head at his comment and reassure him you’re fine. He sits there, staring at you with those piercing red eyes and lets out a sigh. You know he doesn’t fall for it, he knows something’s not right, but he gets out of the car anyways.

“Watch your step.” He says. His hand is outstretched, inviting, big and warm. You take it and when your hand intertwines with his, you feel better.

“Thanks.” You mutter while attempting to memorize the feeling of his skin pressed against yours. What if this just ended tomorrow? What if he finds someone else that he genuinely likes? His fingers are laced perfectly between yours as if they were built, molded, and created just for you. But you don’t notice your head getting a little too close to the car frame because you’re so memorized by the warmth radiating from him and-

clunk.

“Ouch.” You wince.

“I guess I should’ve warned you to watch your head.” He laughs.

“Shut up.” Your hand is rubbing your sore head and there’s this adorable expression on your face but Katsuki would never tell you that, not in a million years. Instead, he places a large hand head on your head, he pulls you in close, and kisses the sore spot on your head. It doesn’t hurt so much after that.

“Aren’t you two just the cutest?” His mom’s voice rings from behind you two.

Greetings are exchanged alongside a few hugs and kisses and you’re laughing while watching the poor boy next to you get smothered in his mother’s lipstick. He swears he’ll get you back later and mutters something under his breath about “smothering you in kisses to see how you like it” but you ignore his empty threats and wipe off the prominent red on his face with your thumb. “My handsome baby.” You coo, imitating his mother, and pinching his cheek. He tells you to knock it off as he swats away your hand and that he “hates being treated like a 5 year old” but that smile on his face tells you otherwise. So you poke a little more fun, tease a little more, and he’s on the verge of leaning down and peppering your face in kisses but his father clears his throat when his hands are roughly cupping your face, and he remembers- he’s in public, in front of his parents, about to kiss the shit out of your face.

He lets it slide this time.

Everyone’s sitting at a table now. You two are poliety taking sips of your water and his mother is going on about their jobs, their daily lives, and maybe even possibly having another kid. Katsuki practically chokes as soon as he hears this comment and you’re attempting to hold in a laugh and at the same time juggle the liquid in your mouth while watching the blonde boy attempt to hide his coughs with a red face.

“Just kidding.” His mother says while folding her hands and placing her elbows on the table. For a minute, she’s sitting there with her head resting on her folded hands watching you attempt to gulp down the water but choking at the same time. She’s watching Katsuki point a finger at you and choking a second time on his spit. So now, you’re both looking at each other having a laughing and coughing fit, all the while struggling to just breathe. Ah, just how cute could you two be? But when she opens her mouth to say something, her husband cuts her off taking the words right out of her mouth. “You two really love each other, don’t you?”

And suddenly you two are caught like a deer in headlights. Katsuki’s cheeks are burning red and yours are a matching shade. “No need to be embarrassed!” Masaru exclaims. “It’s just that- you two look at each other with..uh..”

“So much love.” Mitsuki interjects.

“W-what?” Katsuki stutters.

“It’s the same way your father looks at me.” She says. “Don’t be embarrassed, tell your girlfriend how much you love her. I mean, you must’ve said I love you to each other already. It’s been about 7 months, right Masaru?” Katsuki’s reaching for his glass, pretending to be incredibly thirsty in hopes someone changes the subject.

“He’s said I love you already, hasn’t he (Y/N)?”

“Oh- are we ready to order?” You’re attempting to change the subject, you really are but Bakugous are relentless. You would know.

“Has he not?” Mitsuki gasps.

“I- uh-”

“Don’t meddle so much!” Masaru interjects. And for a moment you thank the lord for making Masaru Bakugou.

“We’re ready to order!” Katsuki yells for the waiter halfway across the restaurant, turning multiple heads in your direction and earning several glares.

“Smooth. Real smooth.” You whisper low enough for him to hear. You’re stifling a laugh as you land a playful smack on his thigh.

“Shut it.” He’s biting back a smile and before you could pull your hand away, he takes it in his, giving it a little squeeze.

Ah.

Dinner was always fun with the Bakugou’s.

Before you know it, the night is over. You’re hugging his mother goodbye and she invites you to a family gathering in two weeks, which you politely accept. His father on the other hand is in the corner giving him what seems to be a heart to heart talk but the way the blonde keeps on glancing in your direction every so often has you curious. What were they talking about?

“You know he loves you right? That boy won’t shut up about you.” Mitsuki laughs. A blush forms on your cheeks. “And you know how hard it is to get him to talk about anything.”

You’re simply nodding your head as she continues to talk about anything and everything and at the same time you’re absentmindedly rubbing your arms. Why was it so cold today? “I think it’s time to go.” Katsuki appears behind you, dropping his big coat on your shoulders. Thank lord he was practically a human heater thanks to his quirk. You’re burying your face into his jacket.

Was your face cold? Yes.

But did you also want to engulf yourself into his scent before the night was over? Yes.

“Come on, let’s go before you freeze to death.” You both say your goodbyes a second time and make way to his car. “Don’t hit your head.” He muses holding the door open. You shoot him a glare but he’s chuckling at the sight. “Cute.” He snorts. You’re sitting the car now, his jacket around your frame, and you look up at him- your mouth ready to shoot back a sarcastic remark but you freeze. His eyes are soft, he’s wearing this small smile that could probably melt the sun itself, and at that moment, he just looks so..content. Your heart is swelling at the sight.

“What are you looking at idiot?” He snaps but that smile on his face grows wider and you feel your heart skip a beat. You gulp. Why did he just have to look so handsome- so perfect? It was almost as if he was asking you to confess- to let him know how much he meant to you, how much you liked him.

“You’re a little ugly looking.” You reply. He does that ugly snort laugh again and he rolls his eyes while slamming the door shut.

“Yeah fucking right.” You hear him scoff through the car door. “Me? Ugly?” He’s inside now, taking his seat and placing his hands on the steering wheel. “You just have really bad taste in men.”

“Yes, exactly why I’m dating you at the moment.”

For a minute he’s taken back at the fact someone could match his energy- his sarcasticness but a smile is on his lips nevertheless. “I am not fucking ugly.” He says, he’s half joking half serious and you can tell he’s actually concerned..? But the Great Katsuki affected by your comment? Wow, dinner and a show. “Right..?”

“Mhmm, yeah sure. You’re the handsomest man out there.”

“You just have shitty taste in men.” He repeats. “I was voted the sexiest hero of the year- of the decade! Any woman would be happy to have me.”

“Okay Katsuki, whatever you say.” You’re giggling at how hard he’s taking this, it was almost as if his pride was being ripped to shreds by one small comment.

“And I was voted the best dancer, singer, kisser-”

“Kisser? How the hell did they come to that conclusion?”

“Word of mouth.”

“You? Kissing a girl? I’m your first girlfriend and our relationship is fake.”

“Doesn’t mean I haven’t kissed someone before.” His tone is cocky, his chest is puffing out a little, and what was with that annoying ass smirk on his face?

“Yeah right.” You laugh. “Come on, just take me home so I can watch my show and eat ice cream.”

“You don’t believe me?” His raising an eyebrow and his eyes had a little glint in them. What was that? Cockiness? Pride? You didn’t know but whatever it was- it was making you nervous.

“I don’t know if I would believe a teen magazine.” Your eyes are rolling and you’re getting semi annoyed with how adamant he was being. Did he really have to insist he was the best at everything? How the hell did you even measure how good of a kisser someone was?

“Kiss me then.” He says, your heart skips a beat and your cheeks instantly flush.

“W-what?”

“I said kiss me you idiot. I’ll show you I’m the best fucking kisser in all of Japan.” You’re laughing, you’re laughing so hard to the point tears are brimming in the corner of your eyes but when you look over and his face is as serious as can be, you gulp. “I think I’ll just take your word for it Katsuki.”

“What? You scared or something?” Damn that blonde always knew how to push your buttons.

“Me? Scared of what? Kissing? Pfft.”

“Seems like you’re scared.” He says relaxing back into his seat and then his eyes grow wide and realization hits him. “Could this be..your first kiss?”

“WHAT NO- I mean- I’ve kissed plenty of boys before.”

“Then what’s the problem with kissing me?”

“You really want to do this?”

“I’m just trying to prove a point.” He shrugs.

You’re sitting there, cheeks flushed as you chew on your bottom lip and then you look up at him. His arm is now resting on the side of your seat and he’s dangerously close. Why was he ten times more handsome up close in a dark parking lot? Did the waiter spike your drink? Why were you suddenly dizzy and unable to breathe properly?

“Let’s get it over with then you idiot.” You sigh. You have to put up this fake act. You had to beat that cocky blonde at his own game. And you had to show him that he wasn’t the best at everything.

So he leans in and you do too. The smell of burnt caramel is stronger than ever and you swear it was intoxicating. Also, where did he get a mint from? Was he planning on doing this all along? Pressuring you into some kind of kissing competition because he knew you wouldn’t refuse? But that meant he would probably like you too. That couldn’t be..right?

But when his lips are on yours and your mouths are dancing together, there’s one thought that pops into your head.

Fuck. He was good.

One hand is under your chin, tilting your head up and the other is pulling you in deeper- closer, and you’re desperately trying not to melt into his hands. If he wasn’t careful, you’d probably let him know how head over heels in love you were.

He pulls away, his lips now pink and swollen, and he cocks an eyebrow. His face just screams it-was-great-wasn’t-it-? and you’re sitting there unable to even think straight.

“So?” He asks, folding his arms against his chest. He knows he won the argument and he knows he proved his point, so did he still need to ask? Oh. Because he’s Bakugou Katsuki.

“That..was kind of hot.” You admit. He’s laughing as your cheeks flush a bright red but you can’t get the feeling of his lips on yours out of your mind.

“So now that we’ve officially kissed, we should officially date as well.” He’s throwing you a glance as he buckles in his seatbelt but you’re too dazed to hear what he said.

“Hmm?” You question, your finger is on your bottom lip and your mind is attempting to wrap around the fact that you and the boy you’ve had a crush on for the past 7 months just kissed you.

“I said,” He leans over a second time, this time placing a small peck on your lips, “be my girl.”

#bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bnha x reader #bnha #mha #boku no hero #my hero academia #masterlist #bakugou katsuki #bakugou #bakugou katsuki x reader fluff #bnha x reader fluff

990 notes · View notes

lgchunji · 4 years

Photo

✧ .・゜゜hello, lgc admods!

chwe hunji and jin eunji’s leaf wants to say: “hey admods! i know this may look a little sudden and a little weird but by the time you see this, i’ve been going around asking all the members what they want to say to you guys to show their appreciation! i know admin e probably already told you, but i used to do theater for about two years and i volunteered my time. i probably worked fifteen-thirty hours a week at a theater and i did not get paid and barely was thanked but i always put in effort. i gave them one hundred percent of myself and, if i was lucky, i would get a five dollar starbucks gift card in return. i was so exhausted and even stopped writing because i could not handle how much of myself i was losing every day. i gave a hundred percent of myself away and got five percent back. now, though, with legacy, everything has been flipped! you guys put a hundred ten percent of yourselves into this amazingly fun and honestly complicated place and i feel like i never get to give back. i know the joy of it all is in watching people write together but for me, just having fun was not enough, i wanted to compile something together for you guys! you do so much for us so i thought it was time i give just a sliver of myself back to you. so! under the cut is a lot of people’s messages that i’ve gathered. a lot of members were unable to send in something in time so i do apologize that not everyone is here, but i added a space in the bottom for anyone and everyone who wants to add something at a later date, so admins and members, be sure to check that often! in the meantime, though, you guys are so amazing and this place already means so much to me, i really hope legacy can continue to grow and flourish beyond your guys’ dreams because you really deserve it! p.s. the below notes are not in any particular order of length or alphabetized, they’re just random C:”

han insoo’s al wants to say: “thank you for your kindness and dedication. you guys are troopers. i’m not very vocal about things publicly out of shyness but also bad experiences. i hope you guys know i appreciate to be here and that you guys have kept this up for so long despite the setbacks. it’s been a while since i felt comfy in a directory. much hugs and kithes!! thank you for being so open and welcoming!” kang yonghwa and choi daehyung’s muffin wants to say- "thank you so much for all of the hard work! legacy is not an easy rp to run with all these career branches and events going on. i appreciate all of the mods for making this rp extra special by celebrating birthdays, holidays and other occasions. I love you all muahhhhhh~" liu jiao and ok miyoung’s faye wants to say- “i disappeared from the rp scene for awhile and was kind of lost when it came to fitting back into everything. but joining legacy helped me along and i am so glad i decided to put my muse here. thank you to all the mods and for all of their hard word. i felt so welcomed by not only them, but the other members of the directory as well. so thank you for the lovely community you’ve brought together here. i am happy to say that legacy holds a special place in my heart.” yoon shinha and pongsak, tee's simone wants to say: “when i first joined legacy it was because i had some friends here and i had read about it a lot on twitter. i was nervous and scared, which is how i usually feel when joining a new place. working on my own points page from scratch was a first but i was proud of myself and i felt accomplished when i finished it. i joined as a connection and it gave me a boost when it came to plotting. everyone was so nice and welcoming and i honestly love that when joining a new directory. the events were many and i was both excited and scared at how many there were. even if i couldn't understand something i knew i could ask an admin or mod and would get a quick reply. i love how kind and supportive the staff is. i've been here for a few months now and i always recommend it to others. i know that no matter what, i can go to a staff member with a question and i don't need to feel stupid for asking something bc the staff are so helpful and understanding. the thought that goes into this roleplay and the events are amazing and i am honestly so amazed every time a new event gets posted. they give sufficient time frames for events and i know they try to make it as fair as possible. i honestly love it here and i love the hard work and the time that is put into legacy.” park taekyung and heo jane’s bobbi wants to say: “thank you for taking the time to create this awesome community! the time and effort you put into this rp is what makes it such a fun place and i hope that this post brings you just as much joy as you bring us! <3" mayura nana’s cc wants to say: “i’ve been on and off in the group, seeing the first time it opened and how hard working the admins were to coming back and seeing the amount of growth in just a few months. i truly appreciate all that you guys have done for your members, the patience and love you put into every little thing you do so everyone can develop and enjoy themselves. you guys make this rp fun and safe and i’m forever grateful to have found a true home for my muse. keep up the good work and i can’t wait to continue being here and witnessing even more love and growth from the team ❤️” park seojin, im hana and kang seyoon’s sara wants to say: “hello lovely team. it's been a great ride thus far and i'm so happy to have been here from the beginning to see the community grow. you've built a really nice and wholesome place here and it's been one of the best roleplays i've been in so far. it's hard running things but always remember that people love and respect you and so many of us are rooting for good things every day. you're human too and if you make a mistake, never beat yourself up over it. you keep things so much fun. truly nothing more i could ask of from a team. i’ve sent other messages in the past but there's really no limit to the praises and support i can offer to you guys. keep up the good work!! ♡♡” wu aaron and kim alex’s em (aka the awkward cookie) wants to say - "to the amazing admins of this rp, i haven't been here nearly as long as others but i really enjoy having my muses here! i love lgc so much and you're all amazing admins who work very hard to keep this place running with amazing events! keep up the great work and i can't wait to see what else you all have planned! (please torture alex as much as you can. xD) i don't think i've really talked to the admins here much but still, i love you all and everything you do! <3 please don't let any negative comments or reviews get to ya'll and just know you're all doing great!" choi jongsuk, son jieun, and kim jinah‘s jen wants to say - "@ the mod team from your resident meme! you guys know how much i love lgc. i'm not shy annoying y'all with compliments and praise. every sunday is a highlight because there is always something exciting being posted- be it just a date lottery update or new events; you never fail to surprise and spoil us all with fun and creative ideas! also the way you manage to keep things as fair as possible for everyone and still manage to not make anyone feel left out or left behind. the quick replies to any kind of questions are just so nice to see and it makes me personally not scared ever to ask anything at all no matter how stupid the question may be! i probably annoy y'all with how often i said this already but i love this rp. i love the graphics, the concept and the execution of it all. thank you for creating this amazing space for all of us to write and hopefully to many more years! true to my name i shall exit on a meme~" hwang subin and han allie’s nic wants to say - “hello admins!!! it's me, a nic. i know that i've said a lot of this in the past but to sum it all up, i love you guys!! thanks for giving me a place to feel a bit more comfortable when i don't feel that way in rp a lot lately. i love that you guys are always gracious and accepting of criticisms, questions, and critiques and i hope you continue to always be that way because i think it's important for rps to listen to their members. i also want you to know that you don't have to stand for rudely stated words just because you do that, either!! i appreciate the time you take to answer my questions, whether it be through the manager blog or through discord and for all the opportunities you've given my muses ( even if ONE of them might not be so grateful. i'm lookin at u subin ) so yeah ;u; i hope u all are having a lovely day, pls take care!!!” tsai sunisa, park sarang, and jung jihye’s the ghost rper wants to say - “number one, thank you for making legacy an rp! i'm having a lot of fun with all of muses! especially since it's given me a chance to bring muses i've played before alive in another rp. two, they're [the admins] awesome for all of the stuff they've managed to do for the group and how many options you have to be apart of the industry and do more background related stuff! third, just stay awesome and remember to put yourself before rp! since without ya'll we wouldn't be here!” min soyoun and kim jinseo‘s clara wants to say - "hi mods! thank you for making lgc a fun and safe haven for us. i appreciate the love, thought, and effort you all put in every single mission/event that happens in the roleplay. you guys are doing amazing!" kwon sihyun‘s shinobi wants to say - “thank you for making me feel welcome!” park iseul and ahn dohyun’s nine wants to say - “thank you so much for all your hard work! over the months i've been at lgc i've always felt like the admods have kept every single muse in mind when creating events and moulding the rp to fit the members. i've never felt as in love with an rp as i do now. keep up the good work, i can't wait to see the rp grow more and more!” choi max and im nari‘s jada wants to say - “hi there mods !!! i didn't want this whole appreciation to go by without saying some words of my own, so here i go ! when i joined legacy a few months back i was hesitant to even join, doubting that i'd want to stay to make it even past the next activity check. it was an act of pure impulse, but perhaps the best thing i could've done ! alongside the many great friends i've made along the way, if it was not for all the hard work you do, the roleplay would not be nearly as lively of a universe as we've all made it to be ! i always compliment legacy for the dedication you all clearly have to making it enjoyable - from events going on all the time, to in-character posts that liven the spectrum of our creativity, to your speedy responses and patience whenever we have trouble ! i think me and the rest of the members can agree that what you do makes us enjoy the roleplay even more, and we always will be appreciative of that !! i think you guys run the roleplay SO smoothly at times that we forget the hard work you put in and the bumps you might encounter along the way, but it's times like this that make me realize how much more we should thank you. because of the team behind it all, i've once again found my place in a roleplay that's made me feel at home, and always ready to write and have fun !! i'm extremely grateful for the passion you've shown us and i hope that i too can do my best to make sure your hard work pays off and give thanks ! i'm looking forward to writing with all of you and giving a voice to our muses for as long as i'm able to type, haha ! <33 “ ahn yeoreum’s kay wants to say - "my first experience with krp wasn't exactly the best. i didn't land myself in the most welcoming environment and was planning to never join another krp. but i took a chance in lgc and didn’t regret it. since day one, everyone has been so welcoming and i loved playing yeoreum here. the admods have worked so hard to make this such a nice environment to rp in and i love how well thought-out all the events and activities are. thank you so much, admods !! we are super lucky to have such a talented and hard-working team. <3″ ji haneul’s maddy wants to say - “to legacy admods uwu, thank you for your endless hard work! seeing how the community has grown over the last few months, as well as the tons of opportunities for character development has made my time here absolutely amazing. i just want to say how much i love the rp, and how inspiring it can be in churning my writing muses. keep up the good work, and i hope you guys would also be able to have as much fun as the work you've put in in maintaining the rp! take care, stay safe, and stay awesome >:D *flings plushies in your directions* ♡" lee seungjae’s fifi wants to say - "hello admods!!! i just wanted to say thank you for everything that you've done for lgc! i haven't been here long but everything about it is great and i can tell you've put in so much work to make it the great place that it is!" kang dana‘s jay wants to say - “thank you so much for working so hard on this roleplay and allowing all of our characters to develop however we like! i have never enjoyed a rp as much as this one <3" hwang jaerim and im hyunjin’s jia wants to say - "hello admod team, yall know im always here to bother u all with my weirdness and you guys are all great to talk to. i've been lucky enough to have been here since day 1 and to see this place flourish and see all the efforts you put into the rp, makes me glad to be here. thank you!!" oh max and park viggo’s lyn wants to say - "as one of those muns that has been in legacy from the very beginning, i've witnessed this rp grow and i can’t help but to feel extremely proud and happy for the admod team who works tirelessly to make sure that the progress isn’t only with the rp but genuinely with the muses within it. the admins take it into their own hands to celebrate the achievements that muses have obtained and put them on the spotlight, personally i've experienced screaming and getting emotionally overwhelmed with some of the mods at how happy and ecstatic i felt with some of the results for my muses. with that said i want to make it clear that my muses don’t always get what they want, when it happens, i do share some down time with said mods as well- not to complain but to just talk. the same happens vice versa, when the mods' muses don’t get a spot in future dreams or didn’t get the center of a group, or when they land a cf spot or has made progress by moving on a different path, i'm able to witness their reactions as muns as well- which quite frankly is humbling considering that it reminds me that their muns too and not just mods. essentially what i'm trying to say is that based on my experience and mine alone although i have no doubt i'm not the only one who feels this, clearly this post proves it, that the admod team is not just there to provide us with countless numbers of events or answer our endless amount of questions and woes with admirable patience or guide us in the right direction when we misplace a point or two in our submits, but rather to present us muns with a safe and progressive platform to comfortably establish and allow our muses to flourish in a highly entertaining environment. so thank you legacy team for your heartwarming and admirable work, i know this hasn’t been easy for you guys but hang in there, a lot of us got your backs ♡"

these are the folks who wanted to add something after this post was first published:

no one at the moment! if you want to say something to our lovely admins please either message them through the lgckrp askbox or, if you’re more shy, send me an IM or send it to lgchunji’s askbox with your message in quotations, which blogs you run, and your name/alias!

#lgckrp #( oof hope they see this lol )#✧ .・゜゜leaf talks

19 notes · View notes

angrylizardjacket · 4 years

Text

and everything that goes with it; i thank you all

A/N: So........ ash v. social media v. borhap cast i guess??? no-one asked for this, but i love them.

[aydtd]

It definitely starts as a joke.

“Hey, Ma Rocket?” Joe’s filming on his phone during a costume trial. With her arms crossed, Ash is partially hidden by Rami who’s spinning, the frills of his shirt fanning out around him. She’s frowning, thoughtful and pensive, but when Joe calls, she turns to him, eyebrows raised and expectant.

“Aye?” She’s not smiling, mind obviously still pondering over the fit of Rami’s costume, but it’s a clear enough acknowledgement that Joe’s response is clearly spoken through a smile.

“You responded; you’re the on-set mom now.” He declares. Ben laughs from somewhere off camera. “No takebacks.” Joe follows it up with, but Ash is already wearing a longsuffering look of resignation. The video cuts off before she can flip him off, but her movements are too deliberate to be misconstrued as anything else. The video is released almost a full year later, once the NDA has been lifted on the movie and Behind the Scenes pictures and videos start flooding out, but at that point the joke had moved beyond being just that.

Ash is not hard won; kindness and respect win her loyalty easily, it’s just that those traits are sometimes hard to come by in this industry, and she’s often dismissed because of her age, especially by younger performers. Bohemian Rhapsody is different, of course in part because they all know who she is by virtue of who they’re playing,

Joe’s not her favourite, not officially, and neither is Ben, much to his quiet disappointment; officially her favourite is Karen, and everyone else is tied second, but each of them holds a very special place in her heart and soon that begins to bleed into her social media, as well as some of theirs. Ash gets Instagram at Joe’s behest, only a month before the world premiere of Bohemian Rhapsody. It’s not as if she’s lived her life in obscurity, but come the turn of the millennium, her time at the edge of the spotlight had mostly come to an end, and she had been able to continue her work behind the curtain of pop culture for almost twenty years. This was all new, and unexpected, but she tried to take it in stride.

So she follows the cast, of course, follows Roger and Brian and the Official Queen page, as well as any of her friends or former clients she can find, and much to their horror, her children. Okay so her son isn’t horrified since he’s a public figure and he doesn’t use it for personal photos, but both her daughters have posted pictures of themselves in bikinis, and they thought they’d be safe since Roger followed them after the photos were posted, and at least he never went back and liked any of their old photos. Ash likes every single photoeach of her children has even posted, and all three are a little horrified.

That’s a cute one of us at Bonfire Night!! Is one of the many comments she leaves across the entire timeline of Astrid’s Instagram history, this particular one being from a 2014 photo, and so Astrid herself posts a screenshot of her mother blowing up her notification on her story.

@joemazzello what have you done

Joe subsequently posts a screenshot of a set of DMs between himself and Astrid on his own story.

Yesterday @ 3:47am

@astro_winnie: then tell him to change his oil

@astro_winnie: what a heathen

Today @ 1:21pm

@astro_winnie has mentioned you in her story

@joemazzello: What exactly are you accusing me of here?

@astro_winnie: mum didn’t have an Instagram yesterday 🤔🤔

@astro_winnie: I don’t know how but this is your fault

@joemazzello: she’s just having fun 😂😂

@astro_winnie: SHE LIKED MY BIKINI PIC FROM 2 YEARS AGO IM DYINg

The whole conversation is captioned ’Well anyways, go follow Ma Rocket @rockettaylor49’. The following picture on his story, posted ten minutes later, is a clarification that he isn’t actually Ash’s son, that it’s just a nickname. Even so, Ash’s actual son gets a photo with him at the premiere and caption it ‘brother from another mother (probably) @joemazzello’ and it goes viral on both Tumblr and Twitter.

Ash’s first official post is a picture of herself and Freddie, a Polaroid of the two of them aged beyond belief, taken in 1969. It’s the only photo she had when she was still in uni, and even she seems surprised to see it. Roger finds her staring at it, expression blank as she looks at where they keep it, pride of place, over the mantle. Without even asking, he understands, and he presses a kiss to her temple.

’@rockettaylor49: My favourite client helped me with this caption, he said I should remind you all that you can have more than one love of your life, and that that love isn’t necessarily romantic. To me, Freddie was family from the moment I met him, and I love and miss him every day. Freddie & Me. 1969.’

The post is flooded with love and support and more heart emojis than you can shake a stick at, and it’s not long before she’s amassed a large following. The only outlier in the initial comments comes from her second daughter, Cate.

@cate.astrophy: @rogertaylorofficial got upgraded to favourite client. nice.

The entire rest of the family, as well as a few random unknowns, like the comment.

Ash’s aesthetic is surprisingly clean; old photos from back in the day, old initial costume designs in sketchbooks, the paper gold with age and colours faded, but still with her initial notes scribbled neatly around the edges. The only modern things she posts are photos of shopping bags filled with fabric she’s just purchased, and photos of her friends and family.

There’s only one selfie on her page. Its Ash, poorly framed if only to keep Joe in focus behind her where he’s leaning against the door to a trailer and double over with laughter, with Ben glaring through the window at both of them.

’@rockettaylor49: Trixie gave me a selfie stick and Ben tried to confiscate it when he heard me say 'selfie’ so he was locked out. Usually I was with Roger on the other side of the door back when Deaky was locking us out of places… What a terrible influence he was!! But anyways here you all go, my first selfie. Me & Trixie featuring My Disrespectful Boy, Ben. 2018.’

The way the cast call her ‘Ma’ definitely started out as a joke, mostly between Joe, Ben, and Ash, but it slowly spreads to the others.

“Where’s The Golden Boy?” Ash calls on set, holding a cap for Rami, who was warming up. It’s rather endearing, the way he jogs to her wearing a smile.

“Here, Ma, what do you need from me?”

“Hat.” Is all she says, presenting it to him. They’ve always had a soft spot for each other, having worked together on Night At the Museum and it’s sequels for several years. He was one of the last to pick up the habit of calling her ‘ma’, after spending so long calling her Rocket, but he’s grown into it, they all have. Even some of the crew have taken to using the nickname, or some variation.

And maybe she leans into it, leans into her age and her wisdom, and they know they’re sort of telling her story too, but there’s a disconnect when they look at her, at her greying hair and the deep laugh lines around her mouth, and they forget who exactly she is. Though sometimes, rarely, they’re given sharp reminders.

There’s a video on Gwil’s phone that he later puts on Instagram once he has her permission, and the NDA has come to an end, of Ash on the set of Live Aid. She’s sitting on the edge of the stage, legs hanging over the edge, and Roger’s in front of her, at the perfect height to rest his chin on her knees.

“Do you think you can still do that impression of yours?” Roger’s voice is barely audible, but he’s grinning, and Ash cards a hand through his short, white hair.

“Which- oh, the Freddie- oh Christ,” she laughs, “this’d be the place for it, aye?” And she starts clearing her throat, about the time that Roger spots Gwil and his curious camera.

“Sorry, was just trying to catch a video of the empty stadium,” Gwil’s voice can be heard, and Roger laughs, which causes Ash to turn. Seeing Gwil, she smiles, and nods at the camera.

“You’re gonna wanna get a video of this,” Roger grins, nudging Ash’s knee, and she turns an amusing shade of pink, struggling to her feet. Gwil rushes forward to help her up, but Ash brushes him off.

“I used to do this with Freds to help him warm up, and whenever I was side of stage,” she says, a strangely fond smile on her face as she reminisces, “I’m no singer, never have been, this is probably as close as I’ll get,” she warned, looking straight at the camera.

Taking a deep breath, she clears her throat, and belts out ‘ay-oh’. As if being summoned by a siren, everyone who can hear her, responds in kind. Smiling, pleased, she continues with the bit, as does everyone else, slowly gathering around her. It sounds uncannily like Freddie, and she holds an arm out to Rami to join her in leading the gathered crowd, which he agrees to with a bright grin, which ends with him yelling ‘hey, hey, hey, Hammer to Fall!’ and Ash, as well as the rest of the crew, bursts out into laughter.

The video’s posted with the caption ‘Ash Mercury in her prime’. All three of Ash and Roger’s kids comment about how they hadn’t heard her do that in so long, and not for the first time, Gwilym finds himself marveling at what it would be like to have Ash and Roger as actual parents.

Once the camera’s off, Ash talks quietly about how she and Freddie used to practice it, because he couldn’t teach Ash to sing to save his life, but he’d be damned if he couldn’t teach her this.

“He was like, an actual brother to her,” Ben says quietly when he and the other three boys are gathered together, checking in before they finally started filming.

“Yeah, it’s crazy to think some times; she took his last name for a full fifteen years," Rami muses, and there’s something that warms in his heart whenever he catches Ash’s wistful gaze as she watches them perform, quietly grateful.

There’s a few videos here and there from set from Ash, little moments she finds endearing, usually set to music;

She catches her son, Barney, and his partner dancing to Seaside Rendezvous alone in the makeup truck, joyful and bright, they sway together to the beat as her son sings along, and his partner laughs fondly, pressing their smile against his chest as he tries to make kazoo noises.

When Cate, her middle daughter, comes to set, she takes a seat by the piano and plays the opening for Seven Seas of Rhye.

“That’s the one he wrote for you, isn’t it?” She turns, beaming, and Ash sits beside her. Again, Cate plays the opening, and Ash hums along, out of key, and Cate swallows her own gentle laughter, instead singing along.

Karen Gillan has a perm in order to play Ash, but unlike Joe, she appears to have no trouble in it, actually takes great pride in it. Ash has caught the rest of the cast, on several different occasions, using it to take photos of themselves with a stunning, ginger beard, which amuses her to no end, as it was something Roger was want to do on occasion when he got bored back in the day.

On the night of the Oscars, at the afterparty, Ash uploads two videos in the same post, one from set, and one from that night. They’re simply captioned ‘Me & The Champions. 2018/19′.

The video from on set is from the final day; Ash’s hands are shaking the camera slightly, but her voice is loud and clear, ringing throughout the set;

“Where are my kids?” And like clockwork, Ben, Gwilym, Rami, and Joe all come out from various places, followed by Lucy and Karen, all giving her fond looks.

“Oh man, I’m gonna miss my set-mom,” Joe looks like the thought genuinely pains his heart, and as the realization dawns on the others, there’s a fond and faintly forlorn expression mirrored on all their faces. Joe’s the first to go in for the hug, despite Ash’s faint ‘oh Jesus Christ, Trixie’, but they all soon join.

The second video is from right after the Oscars awards ceremony, when most of the cast and crew who’d been attending are doing photo opportunities, and while Brian and Roger are already with them, Ash had hung back.

“It’s so good to see all my kids in the one place!” She calls, and Joe’s expression lights up as he hears her voice.

“Ma, we won!” Rami holds up his Oscar with delight, already a little tipsy, as were the rest of them as they crowd Ash, all wrapping her up in a group hug. Someone’s humming We Are The Champions. Ash suspects Joe. But she takes delight in the moment anyways, pride flaring bright in her chest.

#roger taylor #BoRhap #BoRhap cast #borhap imagine #joe mazzello #ben hardy #gwilym lee #rami malek #Lucy Boynton #karen gillan #borhap cast imagine #Queen #queen imagine #Brian May #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x oc #the angry lizard writes

34 notes · View notes

wildtorres-a · 4 years

Text

surprise, surprise.

WHAT? — when drew finds lia outside of the torres household at an odd hour, he invites her in, and in turn receives some news that is sure to change both of their lives.

WHEN? — saturday night, april 11th.

TRIGGERS? — pregnancy, mention of drugs, mention of death.

FEATURING — lia rosenburg ( @rosenburg-lia ), brief appearance of mike dallas ( @dallas-micheal )

i cant be pregnant, theres not a possibly way this shit is correct That was all that was going through Lias mind since the night prior. A very restless night of tossing and turning with dreams and nightmares of what was to come. One second dreaming about the perfect white picket fence life, Drew playing catch with their son in the yard. Amelia cooking in the kitchen with their daughter as the animals roamed around. The next her and Drew at each others throats, no ounce of happiness shining on either of their faces. Waking up and staring at the ceiling while she thought of every scenario her little brain could.

Thats how she found herself outside of the Torres residence, creeping down the side of the house. She knew better than to knock on the front door, it was almost midnight and the last thing she needed was Audra on her case for coming to her house so late. She cautiously knocked on the sliding glass door, hoping either Drew or Dallas heard her. Her body shaking, maybe from the frigid Canadian nights and her thin tracksuit. Or maybe it was the anxiety flowing through every ounce of her body as she continued to knock.

drew had alot on his mind, to say the least. he had just gotten back from edmonton a few hours prior, and all he wanted to do was take a shower and go to sleep. he didn’t have any more emotions to give for the night, was both physically and emotionally exhausted. he figured he’d talk to both omar and audra about alex the following day, and see if there was anything they could do to reunite the siblings. figuring that he could at least eat a bowl of cereal, being that he hadn't eaten anything all day, he started making his way down the steps and towards the kitchen.

it's only a few seconds later, that he hears the gentle knocks against the glass, and he raises his eyebrows in confusion at who it could be, especially at this time at night. he makes his way over, moving the curtain to see the girl he’d been thinking about since he got home, amongst all the chaos. quickly, he unlocks the door, opens it, and pulls her in. “lia, what are you doing here?” he questions, not unhappy to see her. “you’re freezing,” he comments, pulling his nike jacket off and draping it around her petite shoulders. “come on,” he grabs her hand, and leads her up to his room, forgetting about what he'd initially went downstairs for. thankful that everyone else is asleep, he closes the door before making his way over to her and connecting their lips.

she saw his figure as he came downstairs, even in the barely there lighting she could tell it was him. she wasnt sure what to expect, the last time she had laid eyes on him she slapped him. but she didnt know what else to do at this stage, she had already spoken to Vanessa, put it out into the universe. drew was her best friend once, she should be able to just talk to him about it, she hoped anyway.

Her face lit up, not that she was aware, or if drew had even noticed. But the second her eyes landed on his face, you could see something in her perk up. even with the hostility she held towards the boy at the moment, he always held a special place in her heart and it felt nice to see him again. "I needed to talk to you," She spoke softly, her eyes meeting his for a second, "thank you," sliding her arms through the jacket and tugging it around her petite frame. her eyes trail to their hands, a soft smile on her lips as she followed him to his room. Taking the brief second to look around before his lips were on hers. Almost forgetting the reason she came as she melted into it. A few minutes into the heated makeout session, it was like a spark in Lia as she pushed Drew away, "No, we need to talk," She spoke sharply, as if realizing she had made a mistake or something. She hadnt meant to come and hook up with Drew, that had been the furthest thing from her mind. "Plus someone said he wasnt good for me," She spoke with a pointed tone as she sat on his bed, tucking her legs into a pretzel shape.

the brunette had been trying to make sense of his thoughts about the girl he’d been trying to avoid for the past week. trying to decide if they had done the right thing that memorable night, if they ruined their friendship, in the right way or wrong. it was clear that the thought of her hadn’t left his mind, the feel of her lip gloss against his lips, how something as simple as her touch made him fill with warmth, the way her eyes shined when he made her laugh or smile. he’s not sure exactly what this entails, but there’s some part of him that’s kicking himself for not having seen this before. how was it possible that amelia rosenburg had been there all this time, and he was only now noticing how great she really was.

and suddenly he's so glad that she’s here. not even just for sex, now having noticed just how hard it was to stay away from her. wanting to text her every time he heard a funny joke, or came up with an idea for their next scheme, or just wanting to hear about her day. — and still, he liked her enough to keep his distance, she deserved far more than he could give her, everyone did. “i’m all ears,” he says once they're in the room. lips moving along with hers in sync, tongue slipping into her mouth, until suddenly she pulls away. still wanting to be near to her, he sits down beside her, and pulls her soft hand back into his, bringing her closer. “i think we’ve established that i’m an idiot,” he grins, before letting out a sigh, “but i’m not, good for you. still i have something to tell you,” he gazes into her eyes, “i wasn’t at a motel fucking some girl, i was… looking for my birth mom. she-” still has great difficulty uttering the words, and yet he swallows and tries again. “she overdosed about three months ago, and she left because she never wanted me,” hold backs the pain that washes over him, but can’t stop his jaw from clenching. “i thought about her for years, and she just didn't want me” the words fall from his lips slowly, taking it all in.

while lias feelings hadnt stayed the same about drew the whole friendship, she knew for certain he was a staple in her life. sophomore year lia wouldve been more than ecstatic to find out what had transpired between the teens. her feelings for the male at an all time high, something had been telling her that he had felt the same back then. only to find out he was with her cousin, and she was happy for them. but there was something about how easily he made things feel okay. made her feel happy with a simple text, if something happened in her day her first instinct was to send him a long snapchat about it. spamming him with memes on hastygram, the little things they did for eachother. but now, things had changed, and all the feelings she pushed down, pushed away because she knew their happiness was important. they came bubbling up, the only thing circling her mind being drew torres, and what a lovely thought it was.

finding herself in his room, the air thick with several emotions, each more unknown than the last. but it felt okay, felt right to be there with him. suddenly realizing how much she needed him, he made the little things important. he knew her little quirks and habits, if there was a dog he had to point it out if she hadnt seen it already, so she could go pet it, and he became her photographer for it. he knew her coffee order like it was nothing, if they went out to eat he knew her order, knowing to get the tomatos out of all burgers or salads. he paid attention to the details, and it made lia feel cared for. by someone in her life, for something other than her body or connections. Shifting closer to the male, her hand wrapping around his,"Youve always been an idiot," she joked, shaking her head lightly, before resting it on his shoulder, "Youre great for me Drew, why cant you understand that?" She spoke softly, lifting her head as she turned to face him. Meeting his gaze, her thumb softly rubbing circles on the back of his hand as he spoke.

She listened as he spoke, letting him get out what he needed to. But she also didnt know what to say, she hadnt expected the words that had fallen from his lips. "Im sorry you had to find out the way you did, I cant even begin to imagine how that feels. Nor will I pretend to know how youre feeling right now," She spoke, knowing that would never be enough for him to hear. shuffling herself closer, wrapping herself around him in a hug. "But with that being said," She began, taking a deep breath, "Im sorry that she choose drugs over an amazing man with a heart of gold. Someone who looks for the best in people, and just wants to grow and become better. I know you dont see it, you see the bad. But god Drew, there is so much good," She spoke, glancing up to meet his gaze as she spoke. "Its her fault for choosing not to be a part of your life, her fault for choosing the substances over you. You can not put any blame on yourself baby, none of it is your fault," She spoke, not sure if he had even felt that way, but it felt right to say.

drew knew that this situation wasn’t the best, him having dated her cousin only a year earlier. had fallen in love quickly amongst the many late nights staying up on the phone, the many days spent either hanging with their larger group of friends or interesting dates, and getting to know each other’s each and every detail. it was unbelievable to think that just a few months ago, drew was venting to lia about tori’s all but expected disappearing act. they quickly become closer than they had when tori was present, drew often hanging out with lia when his thoughts became too much. and in those moments, although he hadn’t really noticed it, he stared to pick up on her details. not really giving it a second thought, he placed her on the same shelf that vanessa and becky were on, chalking her up as another best friend. now that things had drastically changed between them, he indeed knew it was messy to be romantically involved with both cousins, even more so them being as close as they are, and degrassi would have a field day when they catch wind of what’s been going on behind closed doors. but he can’t find himself to care, at least not enough to fully walk away. to put an end to whatever it is that they have going on, and tell her it couldn’t go any further, hoping things could go back to how they were. she’d been his rock all along. loyal and sweet and always there for him, wanting nothing in return but his company.

he grins at her remark, knowing that in a sense, she’s never really viewed him as an idiot, at least not the way he’s been labeled his whole life. finds solace under her touch. he shakes her head at her words, although some part of him wants to believe her. to believe that he’d do anybody good. but god, he ruins everything he touches. “because i’m not, lia,” he remarks, “i'm not as smart as the other guys. i mess up. i always say or do the wrong thing. you’re better off”

he finishes, holds his emotions in as well as he can, has already told himself that he wouldn’t drop another tear. and he draws a breath, and allows her to comfort him. doesn’t shy away or tell her that she’s wrong, just leans into her embrace, and lets her words sink in, having already shown her his vulnerability. can’t help the pull at his heart strings as she talks further, silently wondering what it was he'd done to get someone like her in his life. many girls have talked drew up, seeing only his features — sharp cheekbones, electric blue eyes, handsome face, and the rebellious personality to match. nothing any of them have ever said has effected him in the way she had right now, only speaking with raw emotion, her eyes telling it all. he cups her right cheek, slowly leaning in and giving her a kiss full of passion, not even attempting to slip his tongue in, more concerned with her getting a feel for the emotions he has stored for her. pulling away, he removes his hand. “thank you,” he smiles, weakly, but still there. “for everything. you’re seriously amazing,” he compliments. his mind going back to her initial statement, recalling the faint urgency in her voice as she pulled away from the first kiss he brought upon her lips. knows when something’s bothering her and is intrigued on what it is she has to tell him. “now, what did you need to tell me?” curiosity shining in blue hues.

it seemed like the world had been moving in fast forward the past couple of months, between the closest females in her life both leaving and coming back, her connection to both luke and drew growing over the course of them. while Luke would always hold a part of Lias heart, since they spent day in and day out with one another, drew captivated her. she just wanted to know if he was ok, that he felt cared for and wanted, chalking it up to being a good friend. But she also found herself wanting to just spend time with Drew, even if they were sat in silence, his presence was enough to make the dark seem light in her insane life. And maybe she knew there was always a thought in the back of her mind, the idea of something more. And if you were to tell her this time last year, that she'd find herself wrapped around Drew Torres going to tell him she was pregnant, she'd label you as crazy.

She rolled her eyes at his words, "Im not as smart as the other girls, i tend to become a bitch if I dont get my way, i use money as a means of happiness when its not. My list could go on and on drew," She spoke, "We all have our issues, our flaws that we look in the mirror and point out. Or say to ourselves with that little voice. And I will be here to show you how amazing you are when it gets to loud," A smile sent his way, "I couldnt begin to imagine life without you Torres, so please dont try and leave it,"

his touch felt gentle on her skin, different than the other moments between them. this was something different, there was something laced in the kiss between both parties. but she still found herself sinking into it, feeling on top of the world at the feeling she got. something telling her everything would be ok. "I wouldnt say amazing, but ill always be here," A small shrug, before her eyes trained to a spot on the floor. Slowly unraveling herself from Drew, as she thought of what to say. Partially because through Drew unloading his story, she had semi forgotten why she had came there in the first place. How do you tell someone youre pregnant? Let alone the last person you ever thought would be in the position with you, and had just informed you of his own family problems, that he didnt need added to. Her fingers pulling and spinning the ring sat on her hand, her gaze unwavering from the pile of clothes sat on his floor. "Um," she began lightly, "I wasnt feeling all that well, and I had realized I missed my period," her fidgeting becoming faster as her mind worked over the words. Admitting them to Vanessa was different, vastly different than telling Drew. She glanced up briefly meeting his eyes before her gaze fell back to the floor, "So I headed to the little corner store from my place," A deep breath as she quietly, almost silently spoke, "The test came back positive drew,"

it was no secret that ever since he stepped foot, or wheel rather, back in toronto, his mind couldn’t find anything good to focus on. in the span of one night, he’d uncovered the reason his mother had left, uncovered that she had given up both her children, that he had a sister he’s never known about that was fifteen years old, adopted, and didn’t have a clue about her dysfunctional family, and the fact that he’d never receive the closure he’d been needing for so long. only having the words of her former boyfriend to go by. he hadn’t really expected to talk about it with anyone, forcing it down, and having the mindset of just going numb, avoiding the thoughts at all costs. and yet, found himself venting to lia the first chance he gets. something about her had always been so comforting, so understanding, and drew doesn’t think he could have felt better about opening up to anyone else. another part of him wanting her to know that she’s the only girl he’s been with sexually for weeks, hell, he hasn’t even been entertaining other girls, unread messages from his usual conquests building up in his phone.

as he hears her start to list her flaws, he frowns a bit, knowing that she’s only doing it because he had, to prove a point. but he can't help but hope she gives herself a little more credit than that. “i happen to think you’re perfect,” he comments, letting her continue, until there’s a bright smile on his face. realizing that in all of this mess, all of the bad thoughts, and words he hadn’t meant, and just attempting to dodge her in general had hurt her. the expression of pure sadness that flashed across her face when he pushed her away at the party, the smack she’d given him at school, he’d been stupid to think that it would last long, stupid to have ever started it. “i’m sorry,” he gets out, “for acting like an ass and pushing you away, you deserve better than that, and i want you in my life too” he gives her a charming smile, although his eyes shine with honesty.

this would be the fifth time he had been rendered speechless. the anticipation of what would end up leaving her lips, what happened to be so important that she’d made her way here in the middle of the night, a quarter to midnight. with it being so late, he feels she should just stay the night. audra had the day off tomorrow, and with his luck, she slept in till the afternoon, giving the two enough time to come up with the story that she’d come over earlier in the morning if she was still here by then. as lia moves away, drew can’t help the furrow of his eyebrows, and the assumption that whatever it was she’d say wouldn’t be something small. takes note of her timid actions, the way she doesn’t meet his eyes as she talks. and then the words ‘missed period’ sets an alarm off in his head. his eyes widening, along with the beat of his heart, as she continues. stops himself from asking ‘and?’ allowing her to go at his own pace. and his mind flashes back to that night, the rush of it all, the sensual touches, heavy breathing, and the lack of condom, as he spread her legs and lined himself up. too eager to feel all of her, he hadn’t even given it a second thought. and suddenly she’s saying the words he anticipated, and even though he had a feeling where this was going, it still catches him completely off guard. “i–” he starts, doesn’t finish, runs a hand through his hair, as he processes all of the information. “woah,” he breathes out, the words repeating in his mind over and over on a loop. meeting her eyes, he glances over her, can’t stop his eyes from trailing over her stomach. “it–it’s okay, are you okay? do you need some water, or some ice cream? cause i can run to the store,” he's rambling a mile a minute, still in partial shock.

Everything was easier with Drew around, she didnt have to act a certain way or put up any defensive barriers. she had never been one to open up to a lot of people and tell them her thoughts and feelings. let alone on a consistent basis if she did, choosing to pretend that everything was find and that she didnt have any. but with drew she would just talk about things, whatever came to mind she would share with him. knowing he would listen, maybe make a stupid comment, but hed listen. that was what she needed for so long, just someone to listen to her and show her she was cared for. that was part of what Drew did for her, made the dark seem a little lighter. she had felt herself pulling from the other guys in her life, even Luke who she had finally got where she thought she wanted him. but she found herself wanting drew, in more ways than one. but she didnt know how to articulate that to him, to explain what she wanted from whatever it was they had been doing.

"Perfect may be a bit of a stretch," she chuckled, "But go on," She teased, a matching smile coming to her face. she hated admitting her weaknesses, and when she couldnt hide her emotions from Drew at the party it was like a part of her exterior cracked. the walls she had formed between the two had been broken, and she realized she was back in love with him, or the idea of him for now. she didnt like the idea of a life without him in it, and hated feeling like she was disposable from his life. She didnt enjoy slapping him at school, but the petty bitch in her had taken over, and she was putting the walls back up piece by piece. hoping it wouldve helped her feel better, to work through what was happening, but it didnt. "I dont know why you did it, but Im sure you had your reasons," She shrugged, "But dont think Im gonna let it fly again. You are stuck with me Torres, learn to deal with it," She spoke, a smile spreading across her features as she sent a wink his way.

She didnt know how he would react, expecting anger, or confusion. maybe some accusations or denial. she wasnt positive if they had used a condom or not, she didnt remember seeing a single wrapper around the hotel room. and she sure hadnt brought any on their spontaneous trip, and she didnt think drew had either. when she saw the word pregnant on the stick, her world shifted. but she could remember the night clear as day, every touch, every breath, every word, and even the moment she felt him skin to skin in the most intimate way. she was nervous for his reaction, glancing at him with watchful eyes as he processed it. her hand running through her hair with a sigh, waiting for him to say something, put her at ease somehow. but she didnt expect him to ask her about food, her brows scrunching together as she looked up at him,"I...why would I want food? its damn near midnight?" She spoke, shaking her head, "Im like a couple weeks at best, there is no way im out here craving ice cream already dumbass," She spoke with an eye roll, a teasing tone on her voice however, as a smile played at her lips. "But thank you, the effort is appreciated and not unnoticed,"

it wasn’t difficult to see that drew had a lot on his plate, his eyes didn’t have that same spark it always had, he hadn’t been able to focus in his classes despite the fact that clare was definitely a huge help and he’d been showing improvement the week before. every time he closed his eyes, he seen rocky’s face, his cheeks upwards in glee, his heartwarming giggle, the way his face lit up when he would bring him some toys or pizza. and now, it had only gotten worse, and he would see his mother’s grave as well. the white roses he’d laid before her tombstone, as he said both hello and goodbye the only chance he was given. it also wasn’t hard to see that being around lia in their small moments had managed to do him some good. finding himself forming a warm smile, or chuckling at one of her jokes, taking him out of the dark he’d lately gotten used to. it wasn’t unusual, them being friends for years, and drew finding it very easy to unwind around her. but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't been thinking about them in a romantic dynamic, and he'd be lying even more if he said he didn’t consider it, taking their friendship to the next level, giving them a try to see where it leads, despite the backlash he knows he’ll receive for dating both cousins who consider the other as a best friend, the same cousin he assumes is soundly asleep in the guest room four doors down. but they’ve gone too far in to stop now, the way he sees it, it makes more sense to go for it, even if right now isn’t exactly the best time. perhaps he’ll wait, doesn’t want to have to hide around the beginning of their relationship if they do decide to make something out of it, wait until all of the chaos simmers down, before he makes any big decisions. and yet, he can't stop the part of him that yearns to kiss her whenever she’s nearby and the scent of her perfume clouds his thoughts.

“it definitely isn’t,” he counters, can’t help how easy it is to play along with her words. and he’s only now noticing that she doesn’t have to try too hard when the roles are reversed either. he accepts her request, eyes locked on hers. “you're gorgeous, and you're smart whether it’s street or book wise, you always go out of your way to help your friends, you’re fun as hell, and i haven't been able to get you out of my mind the past few days.” the surprise on his face is evident, not meaning to actually voice the last part, but it’s too late to take it back now. he had always found lia attractive, and now that he thought back, he never considered her a sister figure like he had with maya or vanessa. finds it ironic that a year ago, he was lifting her chin up to remind her how great she was, and to not forget it, had a boy she was interested in not felt the same way back. now he was lifting her chin to place his lips on hers. oh, how the times have changed. bites his lower lip, doesn’t want to repeat his reasons, knows that it’s no good now, since he can’t seem to let go. “what, are you gonna smack me again? cause that was kind of hot” he smirks, sending her the wink right back.

he's not certain if there’s a set reaction for this, a right or wrong. he does however know that his lack of words isn’t exactly comforting, and when he does manage to find words, he’s not exactly proud of them either. but god, he’s trying his best. hadn’t really expected to have this conversation, but isn't at all making it out to be negative, despite their mess of a situation. he’s not even thinking of it long term, his mind trying to grasp it fully, but he's got too many thoughts, making it difficult to focus on one. he mentally face palms, as his right hand goes to scratch the back of his neck nervously. “yeah, that was pretty dumb, wasn’t it?” he asks, evidently embarrassed. he lets out a breath, taking her hand in his, and making sure he has her full attention. “but it’s gonna be okay, i’m here for you…always.” he reassures, “i’ll take care of you and the baby, whatever you decide.” he kisses her cheek, bringing her onto his lap. “stay with me here tonight?” he pleads, as his hand hesitantly hovers over her stomach, his mind trying to imagine a human growing inside. “and we can set up a doctor’s appointment one of these upcoming days. it’s going to be alright, baby. it’s all going to be okay.” he repeats, kissing against her hair. he's not sure if he believes it himself, but he can only imagine how she feels and he'd be damned if he wasn’t going to try his best to make her feel at ease.

For as long as she could remember, Lia had problems expressing her feelings to others, even if they were good ones. Her parents would always brush her off or give her a, that’s wonderful sweetie, even when she was a toddler, crying in the doorway, her stuffed dolphin held firmly in her grasp. If she went to her siblings, they werent accepting of her feelings, her being the youngest she didnt have nearly as much to deal with. That she was a kid and they wouldnt last, over within ten minutes. But that all stuck with Lia as she got older, forming her connections in the world. Tori being the main person she could find herself getting lost in conversation with, going over all the details on certain topics. And then Drew came into her life, and she had another person to talk to, someone that made it easy to talk to. But anyone with two eyes could see how easily the two souls fit together, how simple it was for the two to just exist. Lia had known from a young age she thought of Drew as more of a friend. She remembered distinctly the day she realized she saw him differently, as someone she could see herself with romantically. It had been a rough day for her at her house, a fight with her parents having broken out once again, and Lia needed out. A text to Drew was sent, and within seconds he replied and they agreed to meet at the park. It was midnight. She had never experienced someone caring enough to risk their own ass just to make sure she was ok, and they were barely friends then. But it solidified Drew into her heart, and the feelings she once held were back in full force. But she wasnt gonna ruin what they had, she wasnt gonna let herself ruin the one good thing going for her, even if it wasnt entirely what she wanted. But the part of her that wanted nothing more than to be held and kissed by Drew was thriving, and loved every second of their life. She was scared for the future, with her feelings, but she was prepared to let Drew have them if he wanted them.

A shy smile broke across her face, his eyes filled with such honesty she couldnt help the blush that was rising to her face at his words. Her eyes widening slightly at the end of his statement, taking in the look of shock on his face, but his eyes still held with honestly, and a little something else that she couldnt place. “That makes two of us,” She spoke softly, biting her lip. “You remember that guy I was complaining about breaking my heart last year?” She questioned, her heart skipping a beat as she spoke. A surge of confidence flowing through her, even if for a brief moment she let herself believe that he felt the same. Smiling into the soft kiss he gave her, her hand resting on his leg. Simply needing to just touch him. “Well if someone didnt try and do stupid shit maybe I wouldnt have to,” She chuckled, “Glad to know Im hot when im angry,” a small shrug with a smirk on her lips.

She let him go at his own pace, contemplating just laying down while she waited, but decided against that. She knew he was trying, and that was all she could ask. The thoughts going through her head were impossible to process, she couldnt imagine being the one to have gotten the girl pregnant. “It wasnt dumb,” she spoke with a small head shake, “Its cute,” A small smile on her face, her eyes glancing at their hands before looking at him. Her eyes tearing up at his words, never having heard them with such sincerity before. Allowing herself to be brought into Drews lap, breathing in his scent, her body instantly relaxing into his. Realizing just how tired she was, having barely slept for the past week. Between worrying about Drew and her fight with Tori, and now this pregnancy. She needed a good nights rest. “I know you will baby,” A whisper as she kissed the base of his neck softly, “I want nothing more than to wake up in your arms tomorrow,” her sleep deprived brain not even processing her words. Her eyes glancing down to his hand. Softly pressing it against her stomach, her hand resting against his as her eyes futtered shut. Listening to him speak, and nodding along softly with his words, “Youre here,” She spoke, “You didnt push me away, or yell at me. Or accuse me of anything. Thats more than enough for me,”

he recalls his first time seeing her, the memory still being so vivid, despite the years that have passed by. she was degrassi’s new student and from what he heard, she was turning heads and had most of the student body doing double takes. he'd seen her in the midst of meeting the coach to talk about his slip up in grades, knowing that he would be able to persuade him easily since his latest grade point average weren’t too much lower than the required minimum. and when he finally spotted her in the hallways, he’d understood what all the fuss was about. he hadn’t been the type to stare, at least not too noticeably, but he just couldn’t look away. she was pretty, gorgeous even, and the outfit she was wearing only made her all the more alluring. the skirt she had on wasn't too short, but he remembers trailing up and down her legs. remembers that he had to turn himself away, had to remind himself what he even was walking this way for, having lost all train of thought. and by lunch time, he’d spotted her out of the crowd with a quickness. dallas settling down, tray in hand, following his gaze. remembers his eyes scrunching up in confusion when dallas tells him to not waste his time. and minutes later, it all makes sense when tori and vanessa come to the table, new girl following behind, and tori introduces everyone to her cousin who’d just transferred. he recalls the visible shock that seeps past his face, before he smiles, greets her, invites her to their table for the long run, and pulls tori into his lap, pecking her on the cheek. by the end of the week, they'd all made friends with the girl, and it was as if she’d been apart of the group all along. no signs of awkwardness or hesitation among the group. drew pushing the two second interest and attraction he'd developed for her to the back of his mind, until it was completely gone. and now he wonders, if it ever really left, or if he knew to just not act on them.

that makes two of us. doesn’t stop the smile that stretches across his face, the breath that emits out in relief. he’d only had a half theory that she reciprocated the feelings, but now that he knows he hadn’t been in the wrong whenever the thought of her passed his mind, he’s not so doubtful anymore about asking her to be his girlfriend. yet, he still doesn’t think tonight's the best time, not when there’s so much to process. his eyebrows furrow a bit, “yeah? the idiot who couldn’t see what was right in front of him? what about him?” he questions, eyes looking intently into hers, before he smirks along with her. “oh, hot doesn’t even begin to describe it. you’re sexy when you’re angry” he chuckles softly, not wanting any of the household’s other occupants to hear him.

he knows that everything has changed tonight, just like it had the night they’d let themselves act on their feelings, cross faded no doubt, but cross faded on each other. every touch from the other, feeling like another shot or another hit of the blunt. he smiles at her, reveling in the fact that she didn’t think he was the idiot he was convinced he was. she’d never thought he was dumb, in fact, or at least she never mentioned it. it was the small things like that he appreciated the most about her. the reason he’d always come running whenever she needed. “you’re cute,” he counters, as she settles in his lap, and he feels at ease. resting his head on hers, something about the way they just fit, making him fill with warmth. everything between them right now felt so gentle, filled with emotions instead of their usual sensual touches, hot and needy, and still he feels the fire, albeit a different kind, under his skin as she kisses him softly on the neck. and when she grabs his hand, and leads it to her stomach, laying hers atop, he knows they can get through this together. knows that he wants to try. “of course i’m here, you’re,” he corrects himself, “the both of you are all i need right now” and maybe he’s tired, exhausted even, but he can’t help the smile that spreads at the thought of a little family. he stands, holding her up, and gently laying her down on the bed. “let me get you something to wear so you can be comfortable, and i can put on netflix,” he says, as he makes his way to one of the drawers, getting one of his long t-shirts he knows will cover most of her body, and smiles at the thought. he doesn’t really plan on watching the movie or show, more-so planning on it being background sound while they cuddle. he turns the light off, before making his way back to the bed, and handing her the remote, letting her choose.

she remembers all the distinct moments in their relationship. The first look, their first time talking, the first time she called him because she just wanted to talk, and the list goes on. he made an impression on her, the first time she walked the halls of degrassi. She had just transferred to the school, asking her parents after her assault, begging to be closer to her cousin. she needed to get away from the places and people she had surrounded herself with. finally making the move, she was excited, ready to meet new people and create a new name for herself. walking in, her heels clicking on the tiles as she walked, a small smirk on her face as she saw the looks she received. always relishing in the attention she received, even if it wasnt good attention. she spotted drew before he had spotted her, spotting him as she came around the corner. standing by his locker with who she'd later learn were Dallas, Luke, and Dave. A wide smile on his face as he threw his head back in laughter. she remembered finding his smile beautiful, one of the ones you just always wanted to seen plastered on their face. but she didnt learn his name, didnt approach the group. instead continued watching from afar as she went to her locker, a smirk on her face when she saw drew watching her, the way he had to pause to think about his actions. and she certainly remembered the small twinge of jealousy she felt when she watched him pull her cousin on his lap when she had finally learned his name. but they clicked, she meshed with the whole group, creating a close bond with all of them. Drew being a stronger one than the others, and her feelings growing as the days went on. until she was informed he had asked Tori out, and she felt her heart break, but had no right. neither party knew of her feelings for the boy, and she had to watch as they fell in love, a part of her kicking herself for never saying anything.

A matching smile spreads across her face, a sense of relaxation washing over her. He felt the same, she knew that by the smile. Where it was gonna go from there she wasnt sure, she knew what she wanted. She wanted to be his, to be able to call him hers, and she hoped that was what he wanted at the end of this. Even if not right now, at least when they were both ready, or felt ready to go public given the backlash they were already facing. But her head couldnt stop swarming with the idea of being with Drew, in all aspects of life, and the smile kept growing. Before chuckling lightly, raising a brow at the raven haired boy across from her, “The idiot had fallen for my cousin,” She spoke, biting her lip softly, “But he was a sweetheart about the situation, not knowing who I was upset about, just being there for me anyway,” She shrugged, “Pretty cool guy,” Rolling her eyes playfully at his words, “Youd love to see me jealous then,”

in that moment, she knew that everything was okay. While everything changed, even more than they're cross faded escapade. it felt different, something washed over the both of them that night, and it wasnt going away anytime soon. while they're usual antics were rushed, and sexual. a fire in them both, just from a look. and her body still felt on fire, but it was different. she felt loved, safe, and secure. something she had never felt before, it was new for her, scary even. but Drew made it all seem okay, made every little thing better. it gave her a sense of comfort, knowing that at a single text or call Drew would be there. in whatever shape or form he could fathom, she knew he would be. "we're both cute," she spoke with a small giggle, almost like she was a little kid with her crush again. a soft smile at his words, "the both of us," she repeated, feeling them fall off her tongue. the words still felt foreign. but it felt right in a way, being there with Drew, and talking about it. about a family, even if its not right now, she knew a family with Drew was in her future, somehow someway, she just felt it. she allows herself to be placed on the bed, a smile as she watches him before she slips from her track suit. immediately slipping the shirt over her head, slipping under the blanket, curling up into it. taking the remote and putting on shameless, more so for background noise, and if she did want to pay attention she wouldn't be lost. turning back towards Drew, a small smile on her face as she curled into him. her head on his chest, one of her legs stretching over his own. "thank you for being so great. I dont know what I did to deserve you, but I'm forever grateful."

there were evident bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep he’d gotten the past few nights. too much tossing and turning and contemplating the new information he’d gotten out of the tragic loss. was he even able to cry? to miss a touch that he couldn’t place. was it selfish? to mourn someone you didn’t really know. to mourn a loss you didn’t really take. at least, not in the way others had. he’d spent many a night turning on netflix, hoping to get some type of distraction, only for the appeal to fade, and the gears in his head would be at work again. he turned to weed, opening the window and spraying a huge amount of cologne, hoping the smell hadn’t left his room, and even then, it only made him think of it more. the thoughts never leaving, and he knows if he knew now would he hadn’t then, he would of stayed home and saved himself the heartache. he even thought to reach out to the other teenagers in the house, but decided against it, talking about it, made it real and he couldn’t relive it. couldn’t get through all of the details, scared that once he started, he’d never stop. there's a part of him that knows him telling her what he had, wasn’t enough to ease the pain, and he was still very much holding it all in, the pain will eventually build up, and drew will have no choice but to let it consume him. it’s inevitable. but she was here, and he was laughing and smiling, and that was as much as a fix he could ask for tonight.

he recalls the upset look on her face, having come to pick her up from her parent’s house, at an hour that audra would definitely not have been happy with, but he’d heard the tone of her voice, and it took all of three minutes to slip on a jacket, grab his car keys, and head out to the car. he remembers taking her to the park, him finding any way he could to make her laugh, as they sat on the swings, him giving her a push every now and again. and as the wind picked up, and it got later, he finally asked her what was bothering her, despite it being on his mind the whole time. remembers holding her hands in his face, telling her to never cry over a boy, especially not one who was dumb enough to let her pass by, his voice comforting and friendly, as he tells her all of her good qualities and that anyone who didn't see that wasn’t worth it. now that he was back in the room, and she'd said what she had, he was slowly connecting the dots. ”it was me?” his eyes widen only a little, as he thinks back to all of the times it'd just been the three of them hanging out, the others having something to do. and suddenly, he feels like the world’s biggest idiot. feels bad about all of the times they’ve kissed or hugged or any form of affection in front of her. but there’s a hint of happiness there too, and he knows it’s wrong, but their situation isn’t exactly the most innocent anyways. “it was me,” he repeats, more of a statement this time, before he surges forward and pulls her into a passionate kiss, pulling back breathless. “aw damn, guess i’ll never get to see it, since you’re the only girl i’ve got my eyes on” lips curling into a smile.

“damn right,” drew smirks, “just imagine how cute our kid will be,” he jokes. it's all still new to him, but he's processing it, albeit only being told mere minutes ago. he knows they’ll be eighteen around the corner, and even though legally they were to be adults, everyone would still deem it irresponsible. and audra, he didn’t even want to imagine her reaction. but things weren’t all bad, perhaps he’s looking through rose colored glasses, but despite the bad timing, he could see the upsides. the football that was supposed to be rocky's sitting atop his dresser, and he feels hope, hope that if he has a son, or a daughter, he’s not picky, that they can share a bond just as strong. that he won’t be a failure of a parent. perhaps this baby will turn his whole life around, motivate him to become a better man. and as they lay against the sheets, him having slipped in beside her, so that he was on the outside, her closer to the wall, his arm drapes around her, as he chuckles at the intro of the show, only having seen a couple episodes, because she'd wanted to watch it. he slips his fingers through her locks, hoping that it’s relaxing her. “shh, there’s no one else i’d rather be with” he answers simply, “now get some sleep baby”

"it was you," she confirmed with a small nod, a soft smile playing her lips as she watched Drews face. The look of shock, then confusion, the brief flash of guilt that made her brows scrunch for a moment before a small giggle as she kissed him back. holding both sides of his face, a wide grin on her face and her eyes shining with nothing but love for the man sat before her. "our kid will be the cutest," she spoke, pushing all the negative thoughts out of her mind. her families reaction, the doctors appointments, the perception people would have on them as teen parents, all of it being shoved away as she found herself enamored with Drew. her body melting into his as her eyes closed, a soft kiss placed to his chest before she fell asleep, nothing but joy sitting on her mind for once.

the next morning

Dallas stood in the kitchen, waiting for the cheese to melt over the egg before moving it to the toast he had ready. Laughing along with what Adam was saying, both having already devoured two sandwiches before the third brother even awoke. "Im telling you his bitch ass has a hangover. Ill bet money on that shit," He spoke with a chuckle, placing the egg on the bread. "Imma go wake his ass up, and he better be grateful for this shit," Shaking his head, making sure to turn the stove off before leaving the kitchen. Plate in hand as he roamed the halls of the Torres' home humming softly to himself before he found himself in front of Drews door. Laying a small knock on the door before twisting the knob, his eyes widening at the sight of limbs wrapped around one another. Not getting a glance at the females face before he grabbed the football off the dresser, making sure to only hit Drew as he sent it towards the pair. "Yo Torres," He hissed out.

it wasn’t long before the brunette too fell asleep, albeit it was only after she had. wanting to make sure that she was fully at ease, her mind not swirling with thoughts, keeping her awake as he lay beside her, hands still at play in her hair. and when he finally relaxes, turns the tv off with the remote, the room now completely dark, he closes his eyes and lets slumber overtake him.

and just like he expected, it’s one of the best rests he’s managed this past week. can’t recall when exactly it was that he'd fallen asleep, but he smiles when he wakes up, the sight of lia on his chest, her still asleep, and him still half asleep. he pulls her closer, before closing his eyes once more and easily drifting back to sleep. eyes shoot open quickly when he feels the sudden contact, mind not registering until he’s already sitting up in bed. and when he looks over to see a confused dallas with a plate of food in his hand, he sighs in relief. knows he has to explain, but finds this to be a breeze, rather than if omar or audra had walked in and seen them. ”long story, but i’ll definitely explain later” he breathes out, as he stands, only to walk towards dallas and take the plate that’s evidently for him. “thanks,” he looks over to lia, who stirred a bit in her sleep, and then back to dallas, “now, how fucked am i?

#surprise surprise.#rosenburg-lia

3 notes · View notes

hyseok · 6 years

Text

Alone With You : Chapter One

Sure, today didn't go as planned, but really when does it ever? Note to self: stop accepting invitations to parties thrown by Jeon Jungkook, actually, lets just stop being his friend all together.

Let me take you back a bit. October 30th 12:45 am; me being as studious as I am, decided to stay in. Studying... slowly dying. You get it. I needed to cram for an exam that was planned just after Halloween. And you know what, I was happy in my little bubble, but of course why would the universe allow me to just have peace and quiet?

bam bam

I jerked my head toward my dorm door, "Who the hell is at my door at 12 in the morning?" Groaning, I head toward the door ready to cuss out whoever decided banging my door like the fucking hulk was a good idea. Then it clicked. "I swear to god Jeon if this is you I'm going to-" Of course it is. I swing open my door and sure enough, there he is, Jeon Jungkook, standing there leaning against the frame slightly. Eyeing him up and down I notice that he's not wearing the same black shirt and puma sweats he always seems to be wearing. Instead, he's wearing a black button up fitting perfectly with his black ripped jeans & of course, black boots.

He meets my gaze and smirks. "See something you like?" He says, ending it with a greasy wink. "You wish." I say, rolling my eyes as he pushes past me. Jungkook and I met in high school, I honestly thought I'd never have to deal with his greasy ass anymore but much to my surprise he got into the same university as I did. Lucky me.

"Why are you dressed like that anyway?" I say closing the door. "I thought your style was primarily 'Homeless person going through a lot'" I say not to far behind him, heading straight for the kitchen. Without even looking he hold his middle finger up. "Fuck you." I gasp, dramatically holding my hand up to my mouth. He rolls his eyes and continues "There's a party tonight.. speaking of which" He side glances me up and down and scoffs. "Why aren't you dressed yet?" I raise my eyebrow at that and he chuckles. "Come on now, I told you about this party last week... damn for someone so smart you'd think you'd be able to remember something so simple" He says reaching into the refrigerator, pulling out the last of my strawberry milk. "I didn't forget Jeon. I just merely CHOSE to ignore you." I say with a slight shrug. He grasps at his chest, his face contouring into fake pain. "You know Sara, that hurts." He says. "Anyway, you can't just sit here wasting away in a pile of books, You're coming." Jungkook has always been the type of guy to have the upmost confidence.

I guess knowing him as long as I have, I've grown to know all of his tricks and well, to put it simple. He gets what he wants, when he wants. "You're delusional." I spit back, walking past him, making my way to the the scatter of books on my coffee table when I hear Jungkook say something I hoped he never would. "Yoongi will be there." My body, as if someone pushed pause on a universal remote stops, slowly I turn to him. His smile is as wide as ever because he knows. He knows uttering those words he’s got me in the palm of his hands.

(Note to self number two: Never speak about who I am infatuated with around Jeon Jungkook.) But like I said earily, he gets what he wants. When he wants it.

So of course I went. Not without a few more snarky comments moving back and forth between Jungkook and I. Hurriedly, I put on a simple outfit. A black crop top, ripped Jeans and my favourite sneakers. I'm going but just so I can get some fresh air. You know.. get out of the dorm. Like a broken record this is what I told myself, what I repeated on the car ride to Park Jimin's house, where the party would be held.

Yes because of that, totally not because of him. Nope not because of Min Yoongi.

"SARA!!" Hoseok yells out the moment my foot hits the floor of the house that already seems to be busting through the seems with people. Making his way through the people to stand right in front of me. "Hoseok, Hi!" I say with a smile. Hoseok has always been so kind to me, a really good friend. I mean, he is quite goofy but I like that most about him. "Hey, Sara!" Seokjin, a friend I met through Jungkook. Says as he walks up to us with an orange disposable cup in hand. He goes to pass it to me and without a word, I take the drink from his hand and take a sip. "What the fuck?!" I say immediately after, the feeling of the liquor going down my throat is not pleasing at all.

"Oh sorry, forgot to warn you. That's vodka." Seokjin laughs. Sometimes it's hard to believe he's the oldest.

"Hey!! There you guys are." Jimin, the host of the party, and the one i’ve known the longest out of the entire friend group. I smile at him before noticing the two other guys walking behind him. "Hey shortie" Jungkook says. Jimin gives him a glare, Seokjin and I give each other a knowing look and back up slightly. We'd rather not be involved in another one of their... 'brotherly' fights again. Which honestly almost always end up with Jungkook having a bruised face and broken nose and Jimin having to deal with some type of broken bone for several months.

In the midst of the tension, I look past Jimin's shoulder and wave slightly at the two no one has seems to acknowledge yet. They look at me and smile, waving back, the blond one waving a little more enthusiastically, continuing to give me a very boxy grin. "Oh shit right, these two. This is Namjoon and Taehyung. I never got the chance to introduce you." Jimin says scratching the back of his neck. "Oh and this is Sara." He finishes, giving them a strange look I cant quite decipher. The two look back at me, then back to Jimin, finally meeting my gaze once more. "Nice to finally meet you." Taehyung says. "We've heard al-" His words are cut off by a quick jab in his side from Namjoon.

He stands there sheepishly, glances being exchanged back and forth and an awkward silence passes by which says a lot about the situation considering this is a packed house full of loud university students. There shouldn't be an opportunity for silences.

Finally, Seokjin breaks the awkward bubble we've constructed around each other. "Okay so, lets have some fun since everyone has met Sara now!" He says, Hoseok nods "Ill go get you a drink that won't murder you." He laughs as he turns to make his way to the drink table. When the others aren't paying attention, I look over at Jungkook, who surprisingly, hasn’t gone off yet to flirt with every female in the house. "Okay.. he's coming right?" I say quietly, fielding with my fingers.. He looks at me amused and shrugs. "He's always late to things like this" Not very helpful. "He'll be here," Is all Jungkook has the chance to say before he's swept away by a group of girls. Not too much time passes before Hoseok returns, solo cups in hand. He reaches out to hand me mine and I accept it.

After another awkward silence and about way too many bad jokes from Seokjin, everyone decides to split up. Walking through the house it's apparent that everyone is either; high on something, drunk out of their mind or trying to fuck in the middle of the living room. Fuck, this is why I wanted to stay home. I sigh and make my way to the living area. Deciding on just standing in the corner next to the stereo, I'm the outcast even at parties.

It's been about 2 and a half hours now, the one person I wanted to at least glimpse at just once is no where to be seen. "This is fucking pointless" I say, pushing myself off the wall. I put down the drink I haven't really touched since arriving and make my way to the kitchen.

The first person I see there is Jimin, standing next to a group of guys I don't know. I make my way toward him, tapping his shoulder. Slowly he turns to look at me. "If you see Jungkook tell him I left." I say immediately, not waiting for his response i turn to make my way to the front door. I just want to go home at this point.

"You're leaving so soon?" Jimin asks right behind me with a look of hurt on his face. "The party was great Jimin, really, but I'm not feeling it anymore right now." I say, pushing through the crowd of people grinding against each other. It's about fifteen seconds before he responds. By then we've already made it his front door.

"Didn’t you ride with Jungkook? Do you need me to go get him? Or I could call a cab for you" He asks, a hint of worry in his voice as I slip on my jacket. I shake my head. "No it's okay, I'll be fine to just walk." I say with a smile. "Tell Taehyung and Namjoon it was nice to meet them, try not to break any bones tonight." I finish with a final hug exchanged between him and I. I turn to make my way out of the door, it's about a 20 minute walk but I think it'll be nice to just enjoy the rest of the night. So I start my way down the vacant street.

Its only been ten minutes of walking yet the thoughts of why I even left my dorm in the first place flood my mind like a broken faucet. Maybe this crush thing has gone too far.. I wasted my night waiting for him. I could have been home sleeping or studying. This is never worth it but I always do it. For him. Why do I like him so much? Why exactly am I trying so hard?

I sigh as I look up at the moon. The night breeze feeling nice against my skin. "Maybe it's time to just stop trying.. right?" I whisper.

I guess so..

I let out a some what defeated sigh, I just need to go home and take a warm bath and sleep at this point. I’m about five minutes from doing just that now. Turning the corner, I can see my building now, and It finally starts to feel like this night is coming to an end.. Well that is until..

BAM!

[a/n: so...this is chapter one of my yoongi x oc au, dedicated to my friend who gave me the inspiration for it, I hope you guys enjoy it, idk how may parts it’ll have but im thinking 4-5?. Anyway, Chapter 2 will be out sometime tomorrow!! Thanks for reading. Note: I posted this on my wattpad also.]

#alone with you #min yoongi #yoongi x oc #bts writing #fan writing #bts #bts fanfic #yoongi #au

3 notes · View notes

comicteaparty · 5 years

Text

January 10th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on January 10th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on Chasing Little Lights by Evelyn Shi.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Chasing Little Lights by Evelyn Shi~! (http://www.cllcomic.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

my favorite scene so far is probably...well okay its not really a scene so much as a moment in a scene. but when soren is walking around with valentin and noticing that valentin already has like 1 billion friends. i can just severely relate to soren in that moment. it has some fantastic facial expression and i just love the panel framing too. theres kind of this sense of isolation whenever you see valentin interact. and even though soren is there, you get this sense he is the one out of place. and i just really think the visual aspects alone express that kind of loner thing he has going on

eleviken

haha hi! i'm the creator of Chasing Little Lights and i'll stick around here for a bit!

RebelVampire

glad to have you, @eleviken ~!

eleviken

i'm really glad you took note of that scene! i wanted to capture their different personalities - they are friends and get closer as the comic progresses, but soren is quite shy and valentin is a classic extrovert! i think valentin doesn't intend to single out people sometimes but he can give off that vibe

RebelVampire

actually honestly i really love valentin and soren's interactions. theyre very different people, and usually when you have an extrovert and an introvert they kind of butt heads. but nah, in this case valentin is like "hey buddy lets get bubble tea" and to me thats just super refreshing to see.

another scene i really like was the fencing scene. it played out exactly how i imagined it would: elena got her arrogant butt beaten by someone with infinite more years experience. but what i like more is that she doesnt expect this. instead to retreats further into her belief that she just wasnt on her a-game. cause i feel this is a moment that is true to how a real person would act.

and i also like how it preps for future drama

eleviken

that's great!! yeah i wanted valentin to be a good hearted person inside, even if he gives off an absentmindedly popular vibe! but of course there will be fights between the characters>:)

mhm! for me the fencing scene got quite tedious actually, as i wanted to have the action play out in maybe a few weeks, rather than dragging on for over a month. but i can only make a page per week with school and all, so i'm glad you enjoyed that!

all the characters are good people despite their flaws- elena's is arrogance obviously. we'll see how her character growth plays out in the future!

RebelVampire

yeah theres no doubt in my mind theyre good people. but i love all their flaws because theyre poignant and feel super realistic. not to mention i really enjoy a lot of the elements that stress them out cause to a degree it helps to make them feel their age.

eleviken

mhm, in future chapters - especially chapter 4, which is coming up soon, there will be more dramatic/challenging obstacles in the plot that will test their innocence as kids

i wanted to emphasize the coming of age aspect in the story because some challenges force you to grow up

RebelVampire

exactly what im hoping for. cause these kids are def in a situation where their innocence is gonna be tested. what with all the air pollution.

this is not s etting of happiness

K.E. Karlsen

yeah thats a theme i like seeing in stories and i can definitely see it happening in yours, whatever may happen

can i ask where you got the idea of a setting with air pollution sickness?

mathtans

The little one is in bed for the moment, but I might have to leave unexpectedly. ^.^

Rebel - I kind of liked that scene with Valentin having all the friends, but I think what I liked more was kind of the follow-up, when Kasen sees Soren with Valentin and thinks, geez, that guy's already got a friend. Kind of a perspective shift.

eleviken

i live in Shanghai, China, and air pollution has been a pretty big issue here! it has gotten better over the past few years but it's still very polluted. air pollution is also quite bad in areas like mongolia and india and other parts of asia

mathtans

Nice closer to Chapter 2 also.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. The comic’s setting is one where air pollution can be rampant enough to cause a fatal sickness called contamina. Given Valentin’s blood-filled coughing, do you believe he has contracted contamina? Why do you believe he is so intent on hiding his symptoms, especially from Elena? If Valentin does have contamina, do you believe he’d come to accept it or continue to live in denial? Whether he has contamina or not, how do you believe the others will react to finding out about the coughing? Overall, do you think Valentin’s health problems will change the group’s opinions on how normalized the air pollution is? How might this change their future goals?

mathtans

Characters need flaws, or it's boring.

eleviken

mathtans - to add on i think soren and kasen are more similar in personality than elena and val, defnitely! but they face very different challenges, so i think it makes them different in that way too:))

i am also a high school student! so i think CLL is at least semi-autobiographical in many ways

mathtans

Truth, probably makes sense that the siblings are a bit alike too.

eleviken

on question 2 - i won't give away too much

mathtans

I've been reading most of your little author notes btw eleviken. I think it's very cool that you're using your location as a setting. (Also, your field trip to Mongolia sounds really interesting, possibly more interesting than it was, I dunno.)

eleviken

but of course val will eventually be forced to face the issue

mathtans

I think Valentin is hiding the symptoms for a couple reasons. One, if people start talking about it, that makes it "real" and harder to deny to himself. Second, since his parents died due to pollution, he doesn't want his sister to have to go through the same kind of thing again.

eleviken

what really!!! i love leaving the author notes as a record to what i'm up to that week, but i didn't expect too many people to take note! my trip was a culture/service trip and it was definitely interesting, as it was quite different from the big city life in Shanghai

RebelVampire

you mean val doesnt just gain immortality and thus is rewarded for his denial?

eleviken

Maybe val /is/ an immortal!

RebelVampire

see

confirmed

no problems here

O_O;;;;;

mathtans

I wonder if on some level, like subconsciously, Valentin is hoping for a breakthrough that helps out his own health. And Elena's dismissal of his attempts at research may not be helping with that (though I get why she does it).

Valentin - There can be only one.

eleviken: Yup, I'm one of those readers who tends to check out Q&As and Author Notes and stuff. In particular I was interested because I've never been to China or anywhere in the far East. Cool!

(I'm also a high school teacher, so there's that side of me, pleased to see students doing creative things. )

RebelVampire

i honestly feel the denial is more for valentin's sake than elena's sake. because hes what, 14? 14 is not the age where youre ready to accept mortality. 14 is the age where you believe youre super invincible and nothing ever bad will happen to you ever. can do whatever you want for you are the immortal one. and to accept he has contamina is to accept that whatever he had planned in his future is now kaput. and i just dont think hes ready for that, thus the hiding.

not to mention denial is the first stage of the 5 stages of grief

eleviken

valentin is definitely an optimist, and as the creator it even makes /me/ sad to see (or make lol) him suffer. he's definitely holding out hope for a miracle about his health, whether it turns out to be contamina or not. he is definitely at a point of denial, by filling his life with fun and his new friends to forget about the problem!

mathtans

Oh, the denial is probably more for his sake, you're right. The not telling might be for Elena's sake a bit though.

eleviken

mathtans - no way, that's amazing! Thank you for teaching, it's definitely hard work!

mathtans

Valentin is kind of the type to throw caution to the wind too, like I don't know the specifics of the disease, but he wanders around without a mask like that won't make the problem get worse faster or something.

Oh, thank you eleviken.

RebelVampire

eh i feel that the hiding it from others goes along with hiding it from himself. cause i get more the impression hes hiding it from the others to protect himself more than to protect the others. cause if he told elena, shes going to make a fuss and treat him like hes dying. and he cant very well live in denial about dying if everyone treats him like hes dying.

mathtans

That's a good point too, Rebel. (Who knows what's going on in his head!)

RebelVampire

although im sure there isnt no element about protecting elena cause of what happened to their parents. i just think self preservation is the overriding factor

eleviken

val and elena definitely have the petty sibling dynamic, but with their parents gone they are also looking out for each other. elena isn't good at expressing her emotions, though, so it's not directly stated that she's protective! i think part of his not-wearing-a-mask-stupidity is denial as well. as someone who's inclined to be happy, Val really wants to hold on to that happiness!

mathtans

Maybe Soren will come up with the cure. Can't kick him out of school if he does that.

eleviken

Ah soren's grade issue is quite important too! i think the pressure to achieve perfect grades is a reality for many students, and i especially see it at my school.

RebelVampire

although tbh i get the hint of a stigma? like at least that guy in the bathroom was kind of...apprehensive when he thought valentin might have contamina. even tho its established contamina is not contagious, its kind of got the cancer affect it seems. where everyone is like eww gross stay away from me sick person. and for an extrovert like valentin, that would probably be devastating. to be avoided because of something like being sick.

mathtans

Speaking as a teacher, I feel like society (well, North American society at least) is starting to put way too much emphasis on grades, and not enough emphasis on, y'know, actually learning stuff. Students tend to ask me "how can I get an 80%" not "how can I understand this unit better".

Rebel: Good point. It's said to not be contagious, but if people think that only poorer types who can't afford to replace their masks get the disease, that might be part of it.

eleviken

that's definitely very true at my school - as an asian school with an american system, the pressure to get 4.0s, have extracurriculars, and get into ivies is supersupersuper high. i'm under that pressure myself!

RebelVampire

haha that emphasis on grades over learning has been in the us for a looooong time. but now you have helicopter parents so a good portion of teachers in the us are just giving the grades anyway. because administration wont back the teachers up in the face of angry parents.

but i digress.

eleviken

mathtans - i'm going to admit i never thought about the "poorer people" part, that's very smart!

mathtans

You never know what will be read into things, feel free to run with it.

Yeah, it's not as bad here in Canada, but we still have some standardized testing. Anyway.

Hope you're able to weather the pressure, eleviken. The fact that you can keep up with a comic shows pretty good time management skills.

RebelVampire

i definitely feel that valentin's dilemma will make all the kids confront the air pollution. especially elena cause seeing another person she loves get contamina has to make her confront the idea that air pollution is bad and they shouldnt just go "nah its fine and normal were kids"

eleviken

thanks mathtans! i'm managing to keep up :))

i think high school can definitely be a bubble from real-world issues, and val's problem is forcing him to face the real world. that's a big coming of age part!

RebelVampire

yeah and i definitely love that about this story. that theres this whole conflict and theme of the child bubble world vs the actual world with all its huge problems that are overwhelming to deal with

mathtans

It's one of those things too where, if you see it every day, it just becomes normal. Why confront something that's normal? Whereas for the transfer students, it's not a normal thing, so maybe they can help with that.

Superjustinbros

peeks in

eleviken

hi!

mathtans

Good point, eleviken.

Superjustinbros

Hello there~

Just thought I'd drop in till the end

and this comic of yours is pretty interesting, @eleviken

eleviken

speaking of that, i am heading to class! i will still be here for the most part, though. :))

thanks!

Superjustinbros

You're welcome! Kudos too for representing all these different countries

(And shoutouts to Soren's hair)

RebelVampire

hey super~!

Superjustinbros

Hi Rebel!

RebelVampire

good luck in class, eleviken!

Superjustinbros

Secodned!

RebelVampire

and thats also true math. i definitely get that impression from val and elena

mathtans

All the best with classes!

RebelVampire

that theyre just so used to it they cant even fathom what clean air is like even

too normal

just everyday life

mathtans

Yeah, the choice to have a bunch of countries was cool. I like the little flags in the dialogue bubbles.

RebelVampire

although speaking of normalization though, i really loved that dialogue piece where kasen was saying "did you hear about that celebrity who died of contamina" to elena and elena just said what a shame i liked their music.

like man

mathtans

I'm also impressed that Valentin can already speak 5 languages.

RebelVampire

thats great characterization on how they view the world

yeah

valentin dying is a tragedy

dawgofdawgness

Is this still going? For CLL

mathtans

Rebel - Great point there.

RebelVampire

cause he seems super smart

yes it is~!

we still have another hour left

eleviken

DAWG!!! HEY!!!

dawgofdawgness

HALLO

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Kasen and Soren are both characters who have to deal with academic and parental pressure for various reasons. Do you believe Soren will be able to maintain a 3.5 grade average? Or, do you think even with the help of the others he’ll continue to struggle and fall behind? Whether he fails or succeeds, do you believe the school will continue to honor their scholarship agreement? In the long run, do you believe Soren will be able to help pull his family out of poverty with his potential academic success? Kasen, being the headmaster’s daughter, has to deal with similar pressures. Do you believe that Kasen will be able to convince her father to let her go to art school? How might she accomplish this? Alternatively, do you believe she’ll give into her father’s reasoning? Lastly, how might these similar struggles help or hurt the groups’ relationships with each other?

dawgofdawgness

I saw your wall post lmao

eleviken

rebel - ngl i added that dialogue in later, probably about a year into the comic. i really wanted to emphasize the air pollution part!

dawgofdawgness

I thiiiiink that Soren is gonna have to make some sort of sacrifice to maintain his GPA

eleviken

ok i love these questions! i won't spoil but it's great to see this discussion

dawgofdawgness

I think what's keeping Sore n back is his self confidence lol, that's one of the things about his character - he's always putting himself down and getting really anxious about everything

Superjustinbros

That's pretty much what happens at all these CTP's

dawgofdawgness

and Kasen , she's a bright student but needs to be pushed - what's holding her back, I think, is inexperience

mathtans

Just want to add, I think all the characters have parental issues, even the other two mains because of how their parents passed on. It's an interesting theme.

Superjustinbros

That's sad.

eleviken

yeah! kasen is quite smart, but she doesn't want to ~try~ at school because she wants to do art. as a creator i think she still should to an extent, but the pressure from her father is quite high

Superjustinbros

I can relate to that so much

dawgofdawgness

oooh that's relatable

mathtans

Dawg: Yeah, I'm reminded of the "reading difficulties" thing that was alluded to, and how the book he was reading at one point said "you're going to fail" or words to that effect. So definite self confidence issues. I wonder if Soren does have some kind of learning disability though, like dyslexia or something? Or maybe just has trouble with English, is better with German.

eleviken

me too! i don't have plans to go to art school, but the pressure to do well is quite high

dawgofdawgness

ohhh right yeah

Superjustinbros

I was good in school but lots of times I would just zone out and think of making art/games because it gets really tedious.

RebelVampire

i definitely think soren has self confidence issues, but i dont think thats the only thing holding him back persay. i think hes probably suffering a bit from actually being educationally behind. because private schools have way more intense curriculum and generally better educational programs than public schools. so its like someone whose only taken algebra that now they have to do calculus.

dawgofdawgness

Soren maybe has a language barrier as well? Since he's going to a prestigious college out of the country

eleviken

mathtans - nope! english is just not soren's native language

yeah, and ASI is a very competitive school

Superjustinbros

But yeah just saying I can relate to that feeling of wanting freedom

mathtans

I also don't feel like Soren will be able to pull off the 3.5, but that maybe there will be extenuating circumstances (from his friends advocating for him to Soren discovering a cure for the disease) that might prevent him from being kicked out.

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

dawgofdawgness

wait what's soren's gpa at right now?

or is it unknown

mathtans

Rebel: That's also a good point, about private schooling.

RebelVampire

he mentioned it

its under 3.5

close but under

eleviken

under!

dawgofdawgness

oh ok

he'll be fine pfpfttt

RebelVampire

3.2

dawgofdawgness

I have a feeling that he's going to reach that GPA through hard academic studies, and then get kicked out for smoking weed or something

RebelVampire

http://www.cllcomic.com/comic/83/

Superjustinbros

These feels

eleviken

HAHAHA SOREN SMOKING WEED!!

it seems like the most unlikely thing he'd do but at the same time i can see him doing it

RebelVampire

i think he can do it cause hes super close to a 3.5. so he only has to do a smidgen better in a few classes and just not do worse in others

Superjustinbros

Meanwhile I'm looking at these pages and just feeling sorry for Soren

RebelVampire

this is what soren will do in college when he find out high school was worthless and basically a cruise ship

Superjustinbros

I second that

RebelVampire

buuuuuut

i also feel if he hits 3.5 theyre gonna raise the bar on him

and say "good job soren. now get a 4.0 or we kick you out"

cause i feel like that counselor would not care at all about the struggles and triumphs he went through to even get a 3.5

Superjustinbros

That's harsh.

RebelVampire

i mean not that im hoping thats the direction

but that counselor gives me bad vibes man

like theyre just waiting and hoping to kick soren out

Superjustinbros

Yeah.

RebelVampire

i feel bad for soren that its being put on him to pull his family out of poverty

especially cause his academic success doesnt even gurantee that

getting a job is a whole other ballpark

dawgofdawgness

With Kasen, wasn't it also implied that she has social problems on top of academic problems?

I remember there beeing a scene where she looks out the window and is sad i think

RebelVampire

idk if she has social problems? she seems better adjusted than soren socially speaking. although shes definitely less outgoing than elena and val

although i do get the impression shes maybe not the best at expressing herself?

like i kind of feel she holds back some

dawgofdawgness

oh right

ShaRose49

Hi!! I really wanted to make it to this chat cause I read all of the comic. I think poor Valentin is misguidedly thinking he’s being selfless in that he doesn’t tell anyone. And he probably doesn’t think it’s contamina

Superjustinbros

Oh hello there. ^^

ShaRose49

Hullo!

mathtans

Back. Little one was fussing in her crib.

Superjustinbros

Welcoem back!

dawgofdawgness

Yupp, Val's gonna have to accept his sickness or else he will have consequencesss

Superjustinbros

Hope the little one's doing alright @mathtans

RebelVampire

tbf val's acceptance is irrelevant to the consequences

dawgofdawgness

I gotta go, I have to do AP bio (which is a course that Soren takes) no wonder he has a 3.2 GPA the homework is ass

mathtans

I was wondering about that counselor, if she had hearing problems or something. Because the first time we meet her, we see Soren knock at the door, he comes in, and then she says "knock next time". I was thinking, like... he did? Where were you?

dawgofdawgness

goodluck @eleviken !! goodbyee

mathtans

SJB: Oh yeah, she's fine, just not much of a sleeper.

Superjustinbros

Bye!

mathtans

Dawg: Best with it!

(I was never into bio.)

RebelVampire

good luck dawg!

i dont think the counselor has a hearing problem

she was probably just focused

which i get

when im focused i legit cancel out all sound

Superjustinbros

aah I see, Math.

mathtans

ShaRose: Interesting point, about the being selfless thing.

RebelVampire

i think the counselor has a being a bitch problem cough cough

ShaRose49

@mathtans yeah I guess

mathtans

Prejudiced against Germans.

ShaRose49

Yeah that counsellor sucked

RebelVampire

but im sure she has reasons and stuff

Superjustinbros

I'd believe it if she did have a bitch problem

RebelVampire

but admittedly as someone who was as socially anxious as soren at that age

i wouldve been in tears if i had knocked and someone's reply to me was "knock first"

so that moment specifically angered me to no end

in the good way

mathtans

Yeah, character feels.

ShaRose49

Yeah I felt sorry for Soren. My Dad is German so I guess that makes me half

Superjustinbros

Soren is nothing but feels

ShaRose49

And nice hair

Superjustinbros

yes the hair too

I just want to hug him.

mathtans

I want to see Soren do some of his music stuff.

ShaRose49

Same

Superjustinbros

Secodning the music stuff

ShaRose49

Also the hug

eleviken

i love drawing soren's hair!

it's my favorite

RebelVampire

im personally more interested in seeing kasen and art stuff. cause just cause she wants to go to art school doesnt necessarily mean shes good enough to get in.

which actually would be an ironic twist

Superjustinbros

That would be interesting

Also great to hear Eleviken!

I love drawing characters with fun/wild hair myself, it can be pretty fun sometimes, is a biiiit hard.(edited)

mathtans

That's true. Kasen's possibly my fave character, just because she's in a tight spot by virtue of her father, which she can't do anything about.

ShaRose49

But the pollution aspect was really intriguing to me. It’s a real problem in China. But I can relate a little because here in Canada there have been so many fires in the summer especially BC that the air is all smoky all the time and some people have respiratory issues. I could be wrong but I think some people died because of it or at least got sick. I wasn’t bothered by the air when I visited bc

mathtans

Oooh, I should be shipping Kasen and Elena.

ShaRose49

@eleviken Hi there, author!! I was hoping you’d be here

Superjustinbros

That sounds scary, ShaRose

ShaRose49

But I was surprised that the air in BC didn’t really bother me at all

It was a little. I hope next summer isn’t bad. I’m sure it was very scary and awful for the people in BC @Superjustinbros

Superjustinbros

yeah...

Hopefully it's not so bad next year

mathtans

Roommate ships are best ships. ^.^

ShaRose49

Yeah. The news said the pollution because of the smoke was as bad as the air quality in China this summer

Superjustinbros

...Jesus christ.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Despite her generally good nature, Elena has her own sorts of troubles to deal with. Do you think Elena should have been captain of the fencing team as she believes she should have? Why or why not? Do you think Fenya views Elena with the same disdain Elena has for her, or might Fenya feel differently? Regardless, how might their rivalry affect their teamwork? Overall, do you think that Fenya and Elena might be able to patch things up and become friends? As shown recently, Elena also has to deal with her parents having died from contamina. Assuming she finds out, how might Valentin’s situation change her opinion about her parents’ work (if at all)? In general, how might Elena’s experiences at school change her as a person?

ShaRose49

I think Fenya might be just ignorant but I could be reme,Bering her wrong

RebelVampire

i really love kasen and the dad's dynamics as far as the future goes. cause as a child i def was kasen, wanting to pursue that creative dream. but as an older adult i actually get a lot more with the dad is coming from cause creative pursuits are a hard path. which is why im curious how talented kasen is in the first place. cause she might come to realize that even if she wants to art, she may just not have the talent for it

K.E. Karlsen

no i dont think she should have been captain of the fencing team.

ShaRose49

I liked fenya she was big and strong and had green hair

Superjustinbros

Green Hair is always good

K.E. Karlsen

the girl who won (apologies its been awhile since i read, i have been reading since its updates and havent had time for a reread and forgot her name ;;;) i think it was best she won, she clearly knew more what she was doing

mathtans

Oh yeah! I wanted to mention that was real clever, having Fenya and Elena meet early on, then have them become rivals later. Though I don't think Fenya really sees Elena as a rival or with disdain or anything, like just, there's this other girl who fences decently but doesn't watch where she's going, whatever.

ShaRose49

@K.E. Karlsen @Superjustinbros yup yup

K.E. Karlsen

oh is her name fenya?

RebelVampire

yeah i agree. elena did not deserve to be captain. especially cause she was a sore loser.

yes her name is fenya

ShaRose49

Yup

K.E. Karlsen

ok thats who im talking about sorry!! im bad at remembering names

RebelVampire

thats okay

no shame in getting help with names

mathtans

I'm also bad. It's why I have the cast page up in another window. (For a teacher, I'm soooo bad at names.)

Superjustinbros

I'm bad at names in general

ShaRose49

I forgot too the question helped me remember

RebelVampire

fenya is a passable offense anyway cause shes more a side chara than main cast. so her name isnt mentioned a whole ton compared to others

i kind of agree that i actually dont think fenya views elena as a rival at all. i kind of feel fenya is just like "oh yeah its that teammate i wonder why shes glaring at me how weird."

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

RebelVampire

and that any rivalry elena has just created in her own mind

cause the world revolves around her

Superjustinbros

Plot twist: it does

ShaRose49

Just what I was thinking

mathtans

She's also an immortal.

ShaRose49

I really want the story to show more of the streets on China, like I’d love for them to have a downtown scene, and I want to see more of the relationship between the brother and sister characters

I want to visit China someday

mathtans

Actually it's funny, when I first went to the comic I saw the latest update, with Elena talking about how they were going to get Soren's grades up, and I thought, huh, is she their mother or TA or something but why are they all laughing. Made more sense in context. All that to say, Elena does have leadership skills in terms of motivating people, but I'm not sure about delegation and such.

eleviken

hey yeah!

mathtans

It would be interesting to see more China.

eleviken

rebel - kasen's artsy side has yet to eb elaborated on

Superjustinbros

Yeah, do some more worldbuilding and more excuses for epic landscape shots (edited)

RebelVampire

id be interested in seeing more of china as well. though more to see how the world in general deals with the pollution. like i feel thered be other world things goes on besides the masks.

math- i do feel like elena has potential as a leader, but i also think she lacks the humility to do so. i think as she is right now shed be a self absorbed leader. so concerned with her own skills and showing off than helping anyone else on the team to get better

ShaRose49

Like Leonardo ughhh

Superjustinbros

And I just realized that's why everyone wears the masks on the main visual(edited)

ShaRose49

But she’s not all bad

Hooboy ya just noticed now?! Lol it’s alright

mathtans

Good point, humility's a problem.

RebelVampire

nah i dont think elena is all bad at all

i just dont think shes ready to be captain

mathtans

SJB: It's because it's Halloween.

RebelVampire

cause arrogance is a big thing to work through and elena isnt confronting her own flaw as of yet

ShaRose49

@RebelVampire wow you seem wise

I’m not being sarcastic sorry if that’s weird

Superjustinbros

lol

Guess I'll wear a "sick" mask on Halloween

ShaRose49

RebelVampire

thank you i think XD idk if id label myself as wise, but i appreciate the sentiment

Superjustinbros

That'll scare the trick-or-treaters real good

RebelVampire

ya know the comic did give me halloween vibes from teh banner. so before i read it i thought it was gonna be some spooky halloween thing

ShaRose49

Yeah me too!

Superjustinbros

I did not think that at all, I jsut thought "why is everyone wearing masks"

ShaRose49

But I was pleasantly surprised. No offence but the other comics I tried were all too dark for me

mathtans

Huh. I didn't think about it at all tbh.

Just figured there'd be an explanation and there was.

RebelVampire

i was also guessing post apocalyptic so i was pleasantly surprised it wasnt that either

did not expect a coming of age story

ShaRose49

We got another wise person here

Haha I was kidding mostly I meant that @mathtans knew and we didn’t

Or well he guessed better

mathtans

Incidentally, any thoughts on the title? "Chasing Little Lights"? Like, I wonder if it's sort of metaphorical, like you need to chase after the people or subjects who bring light into your life... or if it's more about the idea of chasing grades and things, thinking they'll bring enlightenment or something.

ShaRose49

I think it’s a compelling drama I just hope it doesn’t get so sad it’s depressing

Maybe there are actually little lights that help stop pollution or something and that’s why they’re chasing them! CRAZY THEORY TIME

RebelVampire

i assumed it was metaphorical about chasing dreams or something

thats what val was talking about that elena didnt want to listen to

they separated the lights form the pollution

ShaRose49

I can’t remember that very well. What Lights?

Superjustinbros

All these wise people

mathtans

Oooh, didn't think of the pollution analogy.

ShaRose49

@Superjustinbros We a buncha sages we are

Superjustinbros

\o/

ShaRose49

I’m too into science fiction so my theory is probably too fun for this kind of story

Superjustinbros

Nothing like a tea party for all the Sages to gather

ShaRose49

Not that it sin’t fun

Superjustinbros

also Science Fiction is good

mathtans

Oh yeah, we haven't had enough crazy theories yet. So, Kasen is going to practice her art by drawing nude models of Elena, which is how the two of them end up dating.

ShaRose49

@Superjustinbros amen

mathtans

The modelling also helps with the fencing, in terms of seeing how Elena's weight is balanced.

ShaRose49

@mathtans I was thinking more about crazy theories about the pollution aspect I guess

RebelVampire

tbh i ship elena and fenya more

gotta have that slow burn rivalry turned to romance

Superjustinbros

we setting ships on sail already?

mathtans

Rebel: I am okay with that.

I still find Kasen precious though. Hope there's more of her. That was a cool image of her to start off Chapter 3.

Superjustinbros

Also before the comic tea party ends, I'd like to wish you luck with developing the story further, @eleviken. It's really developing well so far.

RebelVampire

they can bond when elena needs fencing help and asks for some private lessons

mathtans

Agreed.

About the developing that is, not the fencing. Though that'd be fun too.

RebelVampire

kasen is adorable though. i really like her hair in particular for some reason. its so fluffy and bouncy seeming

mathtans

"Don't fence me in."

ShaRose49

I don’t think this story is super romantic I’m not a huge romance person

@mathtans great pun

RebelVampire

oh its not. i will be surprised if theres romance at all. but shipping can be part of fun theory time

mathtans

True, I don't see the comic veering heavy into romance. (I just like adding yuri romance wherever I can.)

I also wonder if we'll see Soren's sister again. Like maybe one of the others will end up talking to her.

ShaRose49

I guess I like adding cartoony scifi wherever I can

Superjustinbros

No probs with that

ShaRose49

I loooove stories about siblings

mathtans

In fact maybe Soren and his sister is a parellel to the relationships between the Lins? Hmm.

ShaRose49

@Superjustinbros thanks I think you and I would get along fine XD scifi in me bloood

@mathtans oooh, I like this theory

eleviken

i am currently in class but i want to say thanks you all for coming!

Superjustinbros

You're welcome!

Glad to be here. ^^

ShaRose49

@eleviken thank you for coming and giving us something to talk about!

RebelVampire

i would like to see soren's sister again. cause theres gotta be a degree of tension there since soren can come off as the favorite since hes the one who gets to go to the prestigious academy

mathtans

Thanks for putting it out there, eleviken! (Also, maybe you shouldn't be messaging in class while the teacher is talking, the way Valentin got called out. )

I tease.

RebelVampire

thank you as well, eleviken~!

eleviken

i wil catch up later, sorry i couldnt participate!

mathtans

Rebel: Good point about that.

Superjustinbros

Have a good rest of the day/evening, Eleviken!

mathtans

I also wonder a bit why the headmaster's from Sweden, if they're in China. I wonder if that will be addressed.

Anyway, best with the comic!

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Evelyn Shi, as well, for making Chasing Little Lights. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Evelyn Shi’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read the Comic: http://www.cllcomic.com/

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #chasing little lights #evelyn shi

0 notes

spiritcc · 7 years

Text

The Hound of the Baskervilles

Behold the episodes that are often the most known to the Western public, about the story that is often the most known to the world, the story that, tragically for ACD, made Holmes popular once again - the motherfucking Hound of the Baskervilles.

That story was also the first Holmes story I’ve ever read, thanks my book for putting it literally ahead of everything else including the Study in Scarlet, bitch. And it was the first episode of the Soviet show I’ve ever watched. If I go further, Hound was also the first Frogwares game I’ve ever played, so basically, whatever there was and is, it all started with the Hound of the Baskervilles.

Let’s dive into this experience that managed to secure a place in my heart, and on my icon.

So, first of all, I own this piece of pirated wonder in no other but bluray quality itself - and boy does it show. These are legit the true colors of the episodes and it looks almost unreal. But nothing will be as unreal as the fucking fact that the Hound is literally the only episode set that they’ve remade into bluray. Fuck the rest of the series for not being the most famous Holmes story, amiright, some episodes in the middle will do. It’s like whatever, not like these guys overseas would want to watch anything else but this particular story, right?

And honestly, even outside of the Soviet context, generally watching any Hound adaptation after reading the book takes a lot away from the very beginning. All of them try to build the suspense and a story we all already know. Every time I watch it I always kind of catch myself on the thought that this movie would be so much effective if I never knew the plot. It’s like with Harry Potter, you don’t watch it for the experience, you only criticise their take at adapting the original text. The fourth HP movie, do you hear me, by the way? Remember the Quidditch World Cup? Yeah, me neither. Fuck you.

And in the Soviet context, watching this first is not the worst idea out there, but definitely not the best one either. I guess it could be applied to any adaptation, since the main attraction, Holmes, is absent for most of the story. But in the Soviet case, it’s also missing a lot of Holmes/Watson interactions, which is kinda the main feature of this show. Of course there’s the immortal Watson/Henry dudebro tandem, but it’s obviously not something anyone came here for. And if you noticed, this episode set follows the original text pretty closely most of the time, so whatever non-canon warm scenes pass, you don’t exactly notice them in the overall picture. It just feels like something a little more than a standard adaptation, nothing else. Which is probably why it’s still fine to watch it first, but again, not exactly the best idea either.

So, because this whole Hound business was my first in everything, and because in my times I had way too much fun watching it to take anything adequately, these episodes indeed hold a special place in my heart. The fact that these are the only episodes that follow the same continuous story without any extra cases thrown in also helps - you’re completely engaged in this spectacle that runs about two and a half hours in total.

So, I’ll try to talk about why I become so high when I watch it, and also yeah, I’ll try to sound like a decent human being that can burp out a non-embarrassing review.

This is the very first thing we see when the episode starts and

Df. Df the origin.

That’s it, you’re sold, anything serious they were working for all thrown out the window. “as I had the story from my father woho also had it from his I have set lt down noth all belief”, wow. Indeed, terrific. Moral of the story: don’t get out in the night? Nope. Don’t attempt at creepypasta after smashing your face with all contents of your booze cupboard. I swear it was Hugo who came back home after a dog bit his buttock off and wrote this.

Anyway, I was talking about how watching this first would not be a good idea, but despite this, the charm of this version hits you from the very start, and I may or may not be talking about this fucking scroll above. What is a definite representation of everything this series stands for is the very first thirty seconds after the credits roll. The cool main theme continues as Holmes eats this very English breakfast, looking all very cool and very Holmes-y, with Watson and Mrs. Hudson behind him. He asks Watson about the cane, the canon exchange about detective ears takes place, everyone is very serious, very canon and everything. But then, Mrs. Hudson, who would normally be a non-existent entity in most adaptations, speaks up: and in one-liner that would make Chuck Norris cry, she matter-of-factly tells Watson that Holmes sees his reflection in the coffee pot. This line belonged to Holmes in the story, but here, Mrs. Hudson has accidentally inherited his deduction talents since way back in the first episode - she figures out Holmes’ prank in literal seconds and is totally not surprised, and neither is Holmes at her comment. In this adaptation, Mrs. Hudson is always an important participant. And when the reveal hits, Holmes bursts into explosive laughter. Such an uncharacteristic thing to do for his canon prototype, but jesus, what a SO SO Livanov!Holmes thing to be. And here it is, in thirty seconds, - everything this show ever was. Human and lively Holmes, his friend Watson that takes no shit, and the ever-important Mrs. Hudson.

Are we going to talk about Mortimer and how he managed to troll and insult Holmes like thrice without realising, yikes Holmes was on edge the whole time being attacked like this in his own home. The actor looks like a perfect match to me.

His manner of reading is so infinitely satisfying to me, he’s so into this creepypasta and everything what happens there, that’s what everyone means when talking about expressive reading. Mortimer’s emotions + music + scenery made a very atmospheric reenacting of the hound legend.

I’ve noticed once that those so to say “flashbacks” were nothing more than us following Holmes’ imagination, since they start every time he closed his eyes, and ended on him opening them. These scenes honestly don’t get the credit they deserve, they are so engaging and, as I’ve already said, atmospheric. The music that plays at the beginning is one of my favorite themes from the entire series, and that was basically Hope’s cowboy theme from the first episodes recycled. The action itself was shot beautifully, the darkness, the Medieval feel to it and everything, and not only Hugo was played by, obviously, the same actor who plays Stapleton, but his unfortunate gal is played by the actress who did Baryl. I don’t know what kind of parallels that was supposed to draw, but I like this detail nonetheless. And, finally, Mortimer’s emotional delivery wraps it up nicely. 10/10, would df the origin again.

One of the little things somebody has noticed is the extent of Watson’s participation in this. Of course there’s the doctor slang him and Mortimer often like to exchange, something that Holmes loses completely, but there’s also the original lines split, just like it happened with Mrs. Hudson. Here, the question about footprints on the snow was asked by Watson - when in the actual story, all of it came from Holmes. Just as important, people, just as important.

Of course their casual friendship never goes anywhere.

Does the dog case sound legit, Watson?

Watson: *hits blunt*

Watson: Totally.

So, sir Henry. Yeah, sir Henry. I can’t believe Mikhalkov shares my icon with Livanov, but for this role, I’m willing to accept this. I’ve long forgotten what actual sir Henry was supposed to be like, but obviously it wasn’t this

Of course Mikhalkov’s best roles is Mikhalkov playing Mikhalkov, but when the initial disgust with this portrayal wears off (lol im sorry but you know its true), honestly, does this look on his character make any difference? So what if he’s a Canadian cowboy who’s a complete joke, it made zero impact on the story, and added a lot of flavor to Henry’s character. Really, he’s lovely. Did you notice that he’s literally an in-universe representation of a Holmes fanboy?

His dream came true, and yall just haters.

That shoe exchange tho, it wasn’t only weird and awkward for the characters but for the audience on the other side of the screen as well, because literally nobody knew what the fuck was going on and what they were talking about. Nobody in the USSR knew what’s this whole shoes at the door procedure meant and the dialogue never bothered to elaborate, so we had wut on the screen and wut in front of the screen. Desired effect achieved?..

This is where I used to get high because I had a headcanon that the second Holmes heard about the Baskerville fortune, he came to the dark side. Because his laugh was very suspicious, and various goofs throughout the episodes hilariously added to the theory that Holmes framed Stapleton just to grab the money himself.

Take a look at Cartwright and remember the most unfortunate boy in this story, that started off with swimming in trash of 23 hotels and never finding anything as a result.

Let’s also appreciate the fact that Mrs. Hudson’s plank is so low she’s willing to pay anyone who comes to Holmes to answer questions, and let’s also appreciate the fact that this red suit exists.

Now, here the mystery solving finally starts and let me make it clear now: thank god. Thank god that it actually holds on such a level and never slips into the territory that makes the process of adapting this story so dangerous: you don’t miss Holmes.

In general, if a character is absent and you catch yourself on the thought that you really miss them and the show is just not enjoyable anymore, this is a very big red flag for the creators and a very serious indicator that they’re fucking it up. It means that this particular character was the only thing pulling this show behind, and it’s an extremely bad sign if in their absence, the other cast is not able to continue holding the show on the same level. There are many reasons why this might happen, and one of them is the fact that probably this character was the only one the creators cared about to develop properly. The situation goes up to eleven with this universe, since practically the only people that ever mattered here were Holmes and Watson, and Watson, for most of the time, was often dismissed as a dumb shadow following this detective genius around. Suddenly getting rid of Holmes for the majority of the story and trusting Watson to lead the case with such a set up would be insane.

And that’s why I’m extremely glad to declare that in this series, Holmes’ absence does not affect anything at all, because Watson, altogether with other supporting characters, pull the show off brilliantly, and you never once feel like something is missing and could’ve been much better with the main character around. Even during my very first watch, I’ve never had a thought that I wanted to see Holmes instead, and after all those years, my opinion stays the same. As I’ve said before in my Tiger Hunt post - steal the show, supporting characters, steal it like you’re the only ones that matter and take nothing back. I’ll always be there rooting for you.

So, Baskerville gang, and a scene that has spawned a meme of a national scale - and you’ll never guess what it was.

Well, of course there’s my own Bad Luck Watson meme, but it’s nothing compared to the meme that defines not only this entire series, but the entire Holmes saga in eyes of all Russian people.

And it’s the fucking “Oatmeal, sir”.

You would not BELIEVE how HUGE this is, even to this day the ever porridge loving nation serves oatmeal accompanied by this phrase. It is absolutely ridiculous what kind of fame this sentence has gained, the Barrymore actor is still crying because he’s the one that has to put up with 30+ years of oatmeal jokes, the popularity of this is INSANE. It’s not only oatmeal, but any sentence delivered in his deadpan voice and finished with “sir” is the ultimate British representation in the eyes of Russia and all former USSR. This meme is eternal, and if you ask a Russian what they think England is all about, I give you a 100% guarantee it will be at least once you’d hear “Oatmeal, sir” in reply.

These guys, by the way, Mikhalkov and Adabashyan were bffs, and Adabashyan was cast in the series by Maslennikov as a way to shut both of them up on the set, make them too busy to discuss his director talents, as both of them are directors on top of many things. They’d ad-libbed a lot of dialogue and even scenes, which, I guess, made it even more memetic than originally intended.

The faces of two bff assholes on set exactly how they should be. The Barrymore couple are the only Soviet team guys that ended up in the new series: Mr. Barrymore played Watson’s editor, and Mrs. Barrymore played the Queen.

About weird Mrs. Barrymore, the actress really wanted to cut herself some slack because at the time she was pregnant, and her husband, the cameraman Vexler, survived a heart attack and was in the hospital. If she goes along and starts crying her eyes out, that’s really the end to both her health and her child. So decided on what we saw on the screen instead, Adabashyan, as always, helped with improvisation, and this weird woman was born. Maybe that mentally disturbed Selden thing is something that runs in the family after all, huh.

The Stapletons, Oleg Yankovsky

Well, I guess due to his natural charisma, this guy smells of danger miles around him, that’s just how Yankovsky is. Not innocent, not expendable, but rather enigmatic and very suspicious.

His wife, an evident native of Costa Rica

I still can’t believe she snatched Lanovoy for a husband, the man’s too unreal to exist on this sinful earth, never mind to ascend on ordinary mortals. She’s the real winner here, even though it’s not related to the matter in any way.

I swear their sibling relationship is something I would expect in this fucking christmas coffee commercial, but in hindsight it does make a lot of sense. But just a hint, Jack, do not make your wife into your sister and get offended when dudes hit on her, that generally helps.

So, let’s about this gift of a script called Watson/Henry dudebro interactions.

Not only it’s such a blatantly hilarious dudebro relationship, with them discussing chicks, Watson making sure Henry dresses properly and doesn’t embarrass his ass while staying like two meters away from him, and I honestly cannot fathom who came up with this fucking idea we see above. These guys catching Barrymore and going after Selden? That sounds alright, but what if everything’s the same, but…HengRIE aNd WaTSON ARe fuCKING smasHED??? GE NI OUS MR SCRIPTWRITER YOU DESERVE ANOTHER GLASS AND YOU’RE JUST IN THE MOOD TO FINISH WRITING THAT BASKERVILLE SCROLL.

I mean jeez, what a scene, these two solving one mystery and going out for a hunt while being drunk out of their asses, if that isn’t amazing storytelling.

You could practically see alcohol dissolving there, Holmes was facepalming so hard he fell off his rock.

The last interesting variable in the story, Laura Lyons.

You know what I find most about her, everyone is only wondering why she’s smoking a pipe. Western reviewers also tend to whine about Holmes occasionally wearing glasses, and even claim that it ruins the entire series (!!), but honestly, what’s exactly so weird about it? Everything around her is East themed, so the designers went for a particular look and gave her a subtext interest of some sort, and this pipe could be one of it. And even if nobody has a habit of smoking a pipe in the East, to me it’s clearly a way to show her independence and a kind of estranged situation from her all-feminine counterparts. Lives alone, seeks freedom, smokes a pipe - kind of this “I’m tired of men and life” mood. Despite this, she’s far from this image, if we remember that she breaks her facade when Holmes spills the beans - she has a right to be upset and scared.

Here goes Cartwright, a boy dragged away from his home to hobo his way through some depressing murderous village and serve some bitchy detective

Meanwhile we witness sir Henry slowly die inside, lose his initial cowboy attitude and spiral down the slide of fear, alcohol and paranoia. Talk about the real victim

So, Watson goes to hunt this mysterious man, infiltrates his hideout, falls asleep like real detectives do, trashes the entrance with his cigars like he’s asking to get killed, but luckily for him it’s just his troll friend that never trusted him to solve the case on his own and went out of his way to lie to him for the past one and a half episodes

Okay that went too deep, the reveal was very happy and everyone had a great time, no anon hate plz

So, this is the part of the case that really did not please me, oh hey there’s the tin on this picture that was later used as a phosphorus tin found in Stapleton’s shack as if it totally wasn’t Holmes framing him, anyway. This story was basically a room full of people, one of which is definitely a murderer. It did go all the unpredictable ways with some village drama slowly revealing itself in the meanwhile, but the variables stayed fixed. Obviously as a reader following the case closely, you start your own little investigation and make your own assumptions as the story goes. As you think some things are sorted, this fucker comes along and delivers VITAL information, out of nowhere, that ruins all of your own work and kind of even laughs at you for even attempting. I just hated what kind of last minute ass pull it was, to bring this know-it-all character in with information that was NEVER present in any sort or form previously, something you had no chance in guessing, rendering the first part of the investigation useless. Like hey, why bother, before we get this game-changing clue there’s no point in making any assumptions, they’re all wrong anyway. I don’t know I was just very displeased when I read that. Wife, sure. Plot twist, sure. Get out, Holmes.

They leave his hideout, never informing Cartwright about that. Let’s hope the boy got home.

By the way, am I the only one thinking that Stapleton and Henry kinda do look alike naturally? Not just the freaky portrait resemblance? That’s neat if that was intended. Anyhow, Yankovsky’s got a painting of himself now, that’s always a plus

Lyons breaks after seeing Stapleton’s family pic shot by malboro.

The family values™, unless Holmes ruined a pack in his hunt for Baskerville fortune.

And now, I’ve just suddenly thought about this weirdly shifting attitude of this show towards its secondary characters. It does sure make no illusions about Lestrade here, it summoned Lestrade instead of whatever canon detective because it’s convenient, but then, when it came to killing the dog, it’s not Holmes who’d actually shot it five times Meursault-style (hey existential genre references), but Lestrade. Holmes misses, but it’s Lestrade who suddenly pulls the rambo and kills the dog like a boss without flinching. And in-universe all the credit goes to him, and Holmes doesn’t protest in any way, and he’s praised, both in-universe again, and basically by the writers who decided to make the change. Did they do it to keep Holmes’ kill count zero, even if it’s some fucking dog? Who knows, but the same show that made a deal out of Lestrade getting praised in the first episode now willingly made him a hero and is very proud of it. Behind the scenes character development, yo.

By the way, spiritcc bitching about the original story again, who liked the reveal that it was an actual big dog? Surely not me. I was expecting something cooler, to be honest, some kind of thing that makes dog footprints, some sort of killing scheme, and when I was reading the sentence when an actual dog ran out, boy was I disappointed. Of course, it’s just a very hungry and abused big dog. What else could it be. A big dog. Big dog of the Baskervilles. I mean yeah. Why would I suddenly expect something overly complicated.

By the way, the first time I watched it, I was actually tense, simply because I was expecting to get jumpscared, and believe it or not I fucking was, twice, both by sir Henry and his sissy fucking shrieking in the middle of a completely silent scene. First when he saw Selden’s candle, and then when the dog ran after him. I guess the second time was fair, but jesus christ you bitch.

THEY FUCKING KILLED SNOOPY

I AM SHOOK.

Finally, everything is over, thanks to disposable sir Henry that turned into an alcoholic and got chewed on by some fucking big dog that eats its own kind, at least Holmes wasn’t hurrying anywhere huh

Gang porridge feeding, the man’s so broken he’d take anything by this point.

At the end, we finally shift back to Baker Street and a very poor final explanation, that never clarified who sent that warning letter to sir Henry at the beginning, dismissed how Stapleton would’ve fought for his legal rights and just kind of flung over Lyons’ motivation, although I’m not sure if this one was in canon or not. Surprising for a movie with such a long running time that could’ve totally afforded all of this, but oh well I guess. Most of us have read the book anyway.

Oh man, the Hound of the Baskervilles. Look at this post, it’s probably the biggest thing I’ve ever written here. It is an experience for me, I have a lot to say about some details, the story itself, the crack thoughts that transport me in a world of my own watching this - it’s not my favorite episode out there, but somehow it’s very deep in my heart because of all these moments we’ve shared.

Maslennikov felt like his work here is done once and for all - three sets, seven episodes, whatever important things he wanted to show, he did. The series is finally over.

Finally over, he thought, opening the Scandal in Bohemia…

#the hound of the baskervilles #russian sherlock holmes #jesus christ it's the biggest post i've ever written holy hell #marathon notes

15 notes · View notes

200dumplings-blog · 7 years

Text

Commentator

Commentator Bong

August 11th 11.42PM

I watched about 3 movies on the plane. I don’t know if you like musicals, I once watched Mama Mia when I was in China and it was pretty good.

I've watched it in Korea once, it was good! I don’t know if your high school ever made you watch plays like The Importance of Being Earnest, mine did and I always loved watching plays and musicals. Mine didn't haha

I was thinking about asking to see Jersey Boys, it’s broadway, and Lauren from the lab told me it was really good. There is also this cool movie about Van Gogh that is coming in November. Essentially it took many artists a long time to paint all the frames of the movies using the exact same style and most of the paintings are based on the masterpieces of Van Gogh’s. The storyline is Van Gogh’s life in France. I watched the trailer and it was so breathtaking I could fucking cry. I don’t think they will play the movies in the mainstream theatres, it’s more of an exhibition I guess. But it will be played in Toronto in November, and also in LA.

Unfortunately, I will just miss the movie by a week according to my travel plan, you said you’re going to LA right, when was it? but I might change my flight and hotel bookings. I don’t know if it is worth me to pay more money if I’m going with Boxin. Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m gonna do with her lol. Well maybe you guys can still have a good time. Or you can just go and do separate things, travelling alone is a pretty good experience! If you end up liking me back, maybe I will ditch her and we can go watch the movie together haha. Then I kept on thinking what else I wanna do with you(no sexual pun intended), and I was stunned that I actually wanna do so many things with you hahaha. Maybe I’m more passionate about the idea that I like you than the event itself, so I don’t care too much about the entire hurting and getting hurt thing. I think… maybe you should watch out for your feelings more.. I know you said you don’t care and I understand that I’ve been there trust me lol I really feel bad I can’t give back the care and attention..

I always ponder the words you’ve said and the way you said them. I know that people, in most cases, will eventually lose sparks and the chemistry will die out as the catalyst runs out and molecules stop moving fast enough to collide. You’re so nerdy its cute hahah. Contradictorily, I also have some hope in love for a long long time. It could be the example my grandparents set for me, or that I read The Little Prince too many times. I just watched the movie a few hours ago, and I think I cried in my heart a little haha. It is one of my favourite books. What I like the most about the book is the deep talk about “taming” the fox and the little prince had. It is certainly true that we will meet so many great people in our lives, and we will fall for them, maybe full heartedly or maybe less. They are all people to us, just like all the roses in the garden on earth are the same species as the rose on asteroid B-162. HOWEVER, if you chose to tame or be tamed by your little prince or your fox, then everything is different. We might part at some point, but the memories we had were eternal. To me that is beautiful. That’s a beautiful thought :)

So my neighbours on the plane are a very old couple, and it’s their first few times flying. I tried to take really good care of them and escorted the lady to the bathroom. It was kinda hard because they speak this strange northern dialect, and I’m from the south. I used to dislike people who can’t help themselves lol…. but now I have more empathy. You’re so nice ;D

I’ve done a very good job keeping your watch at my body temperature haha, I fell asleep holding it. I’m so scared to lose it already because I can only hold it in my palm. Maybe I will tell you that I lost it and keep it with me. By the way you haven’t given me your lighter yet. Strange enough I stopped smoking after last Friday. I’m not addicted but I do smoke one cigarette once a week. I guess now I’m more addicted to you and you’re much more powerful and pleasing than nicotine.

Yeah its not good for you… don’t smoke if you can help it haha, also my lighter is nothing special at all lol i don’t even use is much. I’ve also been wearing ur watch haha even tho its hella big lol

I’m right above NK right now lol….. I used to be sort of a nationalist when I was in middle school. I low key disliked Japan and Korea a bit maybe, I don’t remember exactly, or I choose not to. Now I think the extreme thoughts people have on whatever topic are caused by ignorance. If we listen better and actually try to work on resolving conflicts, this world will be a better place. Ignorance is a fucking sin, don’t ever think it’s ok to be ignorant. Critical thinking is key and that’s what UBC science has taught me so far. Yeah I had the same feelings with China and Japan haha its just our upbringing. I don’t like stereotyping people but sometimes theres a lot of truth to those stereotypes because of culture and stuff so its hard to ignore.

Coincidentally I did the overnight letter writing thing again hahaha, it’s becoming a habit. If I do this for long enough maybe I can shoot a movie of this or publish a collection of letters. You will get to name the movie/book.

I’m landing in about three hours, and you will be asleep by then. I don’t think you can hear me but I wished you goodnight. I assume that you] have seen Truman’s World. Sorry I haven’t haha. I remember vaguely that he said something like “if I don’t get to see you again, I wish you good morning and goodnight for the rest of your life.” It was definitely much better worded than that haha, but that’s what I wanna tell you for the following three weeks.

I had so many questions to ask you lol and I rehearsed over and over again since Tuesday, but my brain went blank when I saw you. This always happens haha, that’s why I always rehearse before I meet someone I care about. I might talk to myself a bit too much. Sometimes I picture the the next time seeing you, picture how you smile, how you touch your hair, how you play with your rings on your left thumb, right index finger and right ring finger, and how you tilt your head when you get a bit shy. My god, you’re so observant haha. I feel terrible that i can’t reciprocate these attentions and feelings to you. I think you’re so caring and wonderful but like you know, I can’t control how I feel about things. Its amazing to be loved and cared for and be told im beautiful, it rly makes me happy but also i feel bad. Its very selfish of me but I prefer liking someone over being liked… I guess i’m also kinda like you and not afraid to get hurt at times. But it amazes me how you can express your feelings like that, I would never be able to do it even if im feeling it or thinking it. Cuz of my ego or sth lol. I think you’re rly brave.

Words fail me when I try to describe how charming you are. I’m no Sean, but I do want you. I want to hold you for a very very long time, or simply pause time. I want to kiss every inch of your beautiful skin with the most passionate tenderness, and submerge myself in your smell. And other things that I’m not gonna write down haha. Seriously, you should do arts hahaha you’re writing is beautiful.

1.05 AM

Aug 12th 5.19AM

It’s so hot in Guangzhou. I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds when I walked out of the airplane. I get the same feeling when I go to Korea in the summer haha. I forgot this feeling and kinda missed it actually. I kinda miss it too sometimes actually. The other day, it was rly hot and i felt like i was in korea kinda haha it smelled like korea if thats even possible. I got “pulled over” with my little cart that has 2 suitcases on it. Thank god they didn’t ask me to open them and there wasn’t any beeping from the scan machine. I was like phewwwwww. 🙏🏼

I told my mom about you, briefly. Idk why I said that, but somehow I felt like it was important. Haha what did she say?

She said that I should make more friends like you hahahhaha.

Summer is an odd season, half of people are falling in love, the other half are breaking up. Or maybe everyone is breaking up and then falling in love. People are always doing the same shit, looking for love and then fail, aren’t we fucking pathetic. I guess that’s why lone wolves are cool because they dare to break this cliche. I used to be cool, and then I met you. Oh well I will settle with being a little less cool. you’re still rly rly cool you know haha. I don’t think its a failure. Love is love and if it ends it ends. love doesn’t always have to be forever lasting.

Alrighttttt. Jet lag is a bitch! I’m gonna try to get some sleep because next time I wake up I will be with my siblings. I will send you a picture of the triple Yangs hahaha. I hope you miss me a little.

Btw we can always be friends hahahha no pressure

i can feel you’re innocence when i talk to you and i honsetly sometimes feel a little too jaded for you. I’m pretty honest most of the time but thats cuz the honesty usually says something bad about me or hurt me not another person. Its rly hard to say no to you because I don’t wanna hurt you but i know i should be honest now so it saves u from hurting later. Idk maybe you don’t actually care that much and wont get hurt that much. I kinda hope that. You’re such an awesome person and i’d like to keep hanging out with you if you’re ok with that.

relationship wise… I think that I need some time to figure stuff out with myself and the thing with Sean. I mean i know logically i should stop being intimate with him and move on but maybe im just not done. Its like a habit and i dont wanna sound sleezy but we usually end up banging when we hang out. I think theres still too much chemistry.

I feel guilty… Im just a selfish jerk caring more about my feelings than urs im sorry.

Don't apologize because there's nothing bad here Hahahaha. As you said we'll see and for sure we will hang out!!!!!

Ok study hard and write your paper hahahah and you're not a jerk lol

Thanks.. ;)

Idk about all this jaded thing. It can be part of my personality, I used to read a lot of fairytales when I was little maybe that helped hahhaha

Seriously tho.... it's not that I am always innocent or I haven't seen nasty shit that happens everyday. I just choose not to be overwhelmed by that. I choose to be innocent when I can, and it's not always that case.

Darcy wrote me a card in middle school, and it had a quote on it. It was in Chinese but I'll try my best to translate it. It went like "knowing the worldly of society and choose not to is the kindest way to be mature"

I'm working on that.

That’s awesome and i admire you’re ability to do that. I didn’t mean that you don’t know how the world works when i said you’re innocent. This is me not you, its my insecurities. I feel like a more jaded person when I can’t live a positive life when im around someone like you. But I also think a little bit of darkness makes life more interesting, im just kinda twisted inside haha. but i mean whatever makes your life worth living and enjoyable is what you should do. Its different for everyone.

I think you’re doing an awesome job at life.

Aug 13th 2.30AM

I’m always using Vancouver time. I have you watch and never bothered to adjust it. I don’t use it for checking time. I might have told you that I have been having trouble falling asleep. But holding your watch somehow miraculously cured my insomnia.

When you said you loved seeing my face, I was like hmmm… It’s really humid here and hot, my mom left the windows open and I couldnt figure out how to close them for a while so my face was all greasy… and the lighting was horrible hahah so idk why you loved looking at my face. but thats always a good thing to know. Nah you still looked rly cute i couldnt even see any difference

Whenever you told me that you didn’t wanna hurt me, I chose not to think about it. Human brain is truly magical, because if you choose to ignore something then theres a higher probability for you to not remembering it. Until I read what you wrote up there about 3 times, then I started to question myself if what Ive been doing is ok. I don’t wanna confuse you more, and I want you to be happy. So I thought if you really liked Sean that much, I should probably just lay back and let you guys do your thing. I even thought about talking to Sean about this, but it’s not my business after all. I only wish you happy. I definitely overthought this but for about two hours I managed to convinced myself that if I’m not what you want I should fuck off. So I had this post on this Chinese website, it’s kinda like the equivalent of Tumblr. I post stuff I write and photos there and also posted some thing on a group discussion. Some people liked my writing and potentially my face lol so they messaged me and asked me out.

I said maybe to all of them, which you know is essentially a No unless I really felt like it. But I'll always say yes to you.

Something I found funny was that they all commented on my smile. “You have a really warm smile.” Everyone commented on one of my photos. Then they said “you must be sweet.”

Well I mean I might be sweet and also have lovely smiles but really I wanna save them for you. At the same time I don’t think I am what you want so maybe I should just wast them on random strangers. Well I hope smiling means you are happy not just making other people happy so you should always smile when you wanna. Its limitless. Thats how I came up with the idea that I should party tonight and forget about you. For a bit I thought I was actually determined.

Then you said you wanted to see me, and the moment I saw your face, I knew I dont wanna go partying tonight anymore haha. I will write you something, read some papers and sleep early to deal with my jet lag. You got me again. I can’t think straight when I see you and I love that feeling. The rush is worth the pain. You stimulate the secretion of dopamine in my brain. (You will probably say that I should do arts lol, but I already do arts girls so I will be fine in science) haha you “do” arts girl ;) ok

About your watch. I never told you that I dreamed about you a few times. I have too. I’m still not gonna tell you what happened in the dreams haha. They belong to me. But for the past week, I always thought about holding your hand before I fell asleep. Holding your watch in my palm had the same effect, even though it has the opposite texture of your hand, but it did the job.

I really hope that you are gonna be chill with your parents, because I remembered how much I hated dealing with them.

Yeah I’m hoping to keep low and try to just please them if i can while they are here.

I’m probably gonna go explore a bit tomorrow, and get some post cards and small things. I also wanna bring you a souvenir, so I better get started now. I just found out that they have this super cool bookstore called United bookstore here!!!!! theres this cool exhibition going on I’m gonna check it out tmr and hopefully get you cool stuff!!!! I’m really pumped cuz I love bookstores!!! Sounds like a lot of fun!!! I hope you have a blast.

Again, I will be here for you if you wanna see me. You probably won’t be able to do that in the future 10 days cuz your parents will be around. But hey Rebecca Bong, I will be here.

I was listening to Nell. I think it’s cool. My favourite so far is Dream Catcher. I like the beat and the lyrics(I read the translation lol). I will keep listening to their songs and let you know how I feel about them.

That’s funny because the friend who introduced me to Nell likes Dream Catcher the best as well in that album. When we went to their concert after the album release, they played that song and the background light was rainbow ;) my friend loved it. I’ll try to find a picture haha.

My fav from that album is Home.

So this is the tower I snapped you that's super famous in Guangzhou. It's called the Canto tower but it has a nickname as "girl's tight waist" and somehow it's always rainbow at night lol....

there I drew this masterpiece of you and I visiting there :) goals

Awesome drawing skillz hhahah

Random stuff I thought about when I woke up as I was thinking about you at Browns. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to take your shirt off and kiss you bit by bit until I'm drown in your body and get wasted. You're so beautiful baby.

Well, I don’t know about the other stuff but we can definitely get wasted. Whatever happens after…. is out of my control.

I'll take this as the green light hahahahaha

August 15th 5.55 AM

I didn’t actually start until like 6.20 hahaha. I was trying to figure out my timetable and got kinda annoyed about getting waitlisted for BIOL 200, cuz it’s one of the pre-reqs.

Anywayssss. Something funny that happened today. I was mixing baby formula for my sister and kinda applied my bubble tea shaking skill haha. I wanted to take a snap and caption it “bartender skills on point” I thought it was funny lol

I liked when you pointed out the irony of me wearing a “mask”. I low key hate how this world works but I chose to play by THE RULE and be the type of person the society likes. I’m actually a pretty amoral person. That doesn’t mean that I am morally corrupted but that I have no moral standards. There’s a movie called Mary and Max. I feel like I’m Max to some extent. Max is a sociopath, he doesn’t have any feelings, but he tries to match people’s facial expression and their reactions to different events.

Most of the time I feel indifferent towards most of people and things that happened in my life. Really I don’t think it’s worth my time to feel anything towards them. That’s why I smile(politely) a lot, because I don’t want people to talk to me most of the time. I mean I don’t mind if they do, but I’d rather not. In that sense I might be an introvert. But if it’s someone I care I would definitely pour my heart to make sure they are happy and try to be there for them. Idk if that made any sense lol.

The reason why I always wear this mask is mainly that I’ve been an outsider my entire life. I told you that I went to a boarding school in another province since grade 2. The first day at school there, I kinda got bullied by this girl I later became really close friends with because of my accent. I didn’t cry at all though lol. Then two weeks late nobody could tell that I was from another province. It’s the good old Darwinian’s rule right, you either adapt or you die. Then I studied really hard and became one of the top students. People started liking me I guess. After that I signed up to get involved in all kinds of activities and got a whole lot of rewards. The girl who bullied me kissed me one night and told me that I looked beautiful hahahahaha. I guess that’s how I became popular? Since grade 2 I never got to stay home for more than 4 months every year. I traveled a lot with my parents, but never really stayed home. That only got worse after I came to Canada. And I just adapted again.

But I know that I’m always an outsider. I don’t know how to explain that feeling. I never feel home anywhere. It’s kinda like a voluntary exile. It means losing the connection with your own land to pursue something else. I actually belong to this minor ethnicity in China. Minor ethnicities are kinda like the indigenous groups in Canada. In our culture, we have this strange connection with our land and our water. I gave that up. Then I realized very quickly that I have to be a person people accept, otherwise it’s game over. I won’t belong anywhere.

It took me a very long time to start being ok with not belonging anywhere. It all started when I met Charles. He was sort of a mentor to me. I met him at this tutoring place in Beijing. My mom wanted to me learn English better before I go to Canada, so she sent me there. Charles was at his 40s, quiet, always looked a bit tired, and very wise. He studied literature and philosophy at Bard, and almost did his phD at Columbia University. We read about 90 books together that summer, from ancient greek epic poem and plays to late 20th century philosophical essay collections. We read books about Utopia, feminism, and existentialism. I loved Medea, Freud, Kafka, Virgina Woolf, Huxley, Herman Hesse, Sartre, Camus, and etc. That summer I understood what I felt when I woke up by myself in a strange bed in a strange building and a strange city that you cannot see more than 500 meters away from you. It was exactly loneliness. That might sound very dramatic, but it was exactly how I felt. I could go on and on about this, but let’s stop there hahah. Oh I’m taking PHIL 385! It’s existentialism! I can’t wait!!!! In fact I already purchased all the 4 texts we will be reading haha.

WARNING!!!

I think whatever I wrote below here can be a bit too dark, at least I don’t normally tell anyone about this not even my very close friends….. so idk if u wanna read this…..

I had a hard time dealing with the fact that we’re all fucking individuals are practically lonely. Maybe because of this I had eating disorder for a while. I used to take these Japanese antacid pills everyday so I didn’t have reflux all the time. That was my way of dealing with sorrow and other negative feelings I had. I guess it wasn’t as bad as being clinically depressed? This is the “fucked up” side of me. I don’t think mentally ill people are are fucked up at all, because I’ve been there, or I’m still there, but I’m coping and I know it’s not easy.

I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it. I didn’t feel like talking to my parents about my shitty feelings for obvious reasons. I didn’t have siblings. I was an outsider and really people would probably accept me more if I’m always confident, cool and have my shit together. I thought if I found a person who would understand me, and care about me then I’ve found the cure. I thought my ex(Boxin) was kind of like my family for the longest time. I was kinda dependent on her I guess, I thought she was the cure to my loneliness and me being an outsider. Truth is you never ever depend your identity or happiness on anybody hahaha…. thats shitty. She was mental and a bit violent, and I was kinda lunatic too lol lets not get into too much detail.

Ok, so that was a very toned down way to describe my negative side lol. if you wanted a picture of that, you would probably see me shivering in my bathroom at 3AM with red eyes tearing toilet paper into pieces (it was very comforting to me)and biting on my own index fingers. That’s why I like Breaking Bad so much, because I can be Walt hahaha, and 80% of the time I think like him.

WARNING ENDED … :) life is beautiful again :)

I will show you an email I wrote Charles last summer. I promised that I will tell him about all the girls I liked hahaha so I might have to write him an email about you.

“Charles,

Sorry, I think I mis-sent you an empty email.

I wrote something on my journal again, and mentioned your email. What I realized then was that I did not read your writing carefully enough until I copied some pieces down. The last piece talking about changes reminded me so much of our class together in Beijing, and also enabled me to generate some new thoughts about Romeo and Juliet. Chance, we have always talked about chance. Everything that happens is accidental and unintentional. I wrote that "our encounter(meaning me and Christina) is just an accident then. Nothing more special than you missing the morning bus, me spilling hot water on my tray, and that scientist who discovered urea in his lab."

What we have talked about in Beijing revived, and is now growing again in my body.

I described you as following:

"He is slightly heavier(emotionally), maybe due to all the experiences he had. Every time, when this lonely, miserable man talks about love, he tries to pretend to be an indifferent narrator, like the one in Camus' book, of his own stories, but if I look closer, I can always find the sparks and frustration behind his glasses, in his weary eyes."

I hope that you will keep sending me your writing. I will definitely get a copy once it gets published.

Love,

Amanda”

August 16th 8.45 AM

I felt super tired today. I guess I can be an introvert, cuz I can really use some me time to recover. I hung out with Amanda, it felt the same as we were still in middle school. Or maybe it was different in some ways. He asked me when I got my ears pierced, and laughed when we recalled that I had horrible bushy brows. I guess we all changed but we still kept something that we had in middle school.

It was strange. He is from my past, the part I don't like facing. But I choose to see him once a year for some strange reason that I don't know how to explain. It was chill and made me very tired and lost.

I ate so much lol, too much really. I haven't ate so much since university or even grade 12. I felt like I was 15 again, my eating disorder and shitty feelings all came to me and I got exhausted.

Now I'm playing Nell's albums, and they really are kinda healing. I knew this band from you and I appreciate it. I mean I don't understand a word but hahahha I think it's really good!

Anyways I'm gonna sleep now, god my ex was being real tiring... I just wish I could go back to my lab life and hang out with my teammates and you so my life will be much more cheerful lol

Tons of loveeee❤️❤️❤️

August 18th 926AM

Bong bong bongggggg

Ok so I cleaned my brother's piss and shit like 3 times today. Great time :)

Every time you told me you "talked" to you parents, I got a little worried. I don't know my words mean anything to you, but you are a good human being and you don't need plastic surgery physically or mentally. Everyone is fucked up in their own way and your way is kinda beautiful.

I've been watching Skam season 3, and you have to watch it lol.... I mean I highly recommend it. My ex girlfriend(Alex so the one before crazy Boxin) said I would love it and turns out she's right again lol. I guess it can be super relatable to any millennial who's trying to find who they are and what all the big words (aka. Love religion sexuality etc) mean. One person commented on this show and said something like "Love, especially young love, isn't really about getting wasted, smoking, or getting corrupted together in any way, but is about secretly listening to all his/her playlists" and beautifully sensitive things like that.

It's a super relatable show to me. Sarah (Addy's gf) and I got a bit drunk and went out to pick up sushi together on that Friday night we met. We talked about how for the longest time none of us knew how to explain homosexuality with Darwinian's views on evolution. We both had this panic phase for a very very long time, fighting it every time we open our biology textbook and even thinking about ATGC bases in genetics class. They talked about the exact same thing in Skam! Also so many other cute things I can't spoil... for example the main characters are super hot like I would date one of them lol

I miss you a lot and I hope every day gets a bit easier for you with your parents :)

Love,

Yang

August 23rd 3.20 AM

It was nice to talk to you again. I sometimes wonder if you forgot about me already hahahha clearly you haven't.

I don't wanna be overly positive. To be honest, I don't like overly positive people. All my friends are fairly positive, and we believe in good things. That doesn't mean we are TOO positive though?

It really hurts me when I can't help people I care with their confusion. I really can't practically help you and I think talking too much about it is utterly annoying and meaningless. I do believe in you though. It's different from the way your father believes in you, because he probably also finds it hard to accept "failure"(meaning anything other paths other than his expectation). I was talking to one of my ex girlfriends Alex, and she said something really smart like "people always feel obliged to pursue happiness, thinking that that's the only way to live. In fact, you have to make so many choices every day, and it's not easy at all. Most of the time you don't necessarily make those decisions for your happiness, but you're just doing it for living, living at this moment."

She's real deep lol, but it makes sense right? I trust you because I don't think you're hopeless. My cousin Wei is confused and hopeless. You're just confused. I'm confused too. Well fuck who isn't confused? Baby steps baby steps....

I'll be your support, I'll always be your support when needed.

Moving on. I never thought taking care of babies would be so hard and tedious..... my siblings both weigh 5kg now... it's arm day every day. Most importantly, it's my last year of being a teenager, I should be clubbingggggggg instead of being a part time nanny.... I guess you're being a part time nanny+chauffeur too😂😂😂 why do bad things happen to good people!!!! We used to say that a lot when there's a rush at PF. Good old timessss.

I got a bit confused a few days ago about my ex girlfriend. It's crystal clear that I don't wanna get back with her or have any emotional connection with her. But what about sleeping with her? We dated for three years and one thing I enjoyed was sleeping with her. I guess I'm still super young, so sleeping with someone consistently for three years really trained my brain to think of her as the default when it comes to intimacy. I have mixed feelings about offering my room to her. I told myself that I won't bring any girls other than my future girlfriend home to sleep over lol unless they are my friends. I don't wanna be friends with Boxin, I don't wanna be anything with her. Maybe friends with benefits minus the friend part. I don't even know if I want that, but people get horny it's human nature and people like convenience.

I tried to explain, not because I think you expect anything from me, but I expect myself to be focused. There's nothing wrong with fucking around, I simply like giving one person the special attention. Sartre and Simone fucked around their entire life, but there's only one Sartre to Simone and vice versa.

About school, we can always study together if you want, I'm a good study buddy I think. I could probably study Econ with you if I haven't forgotten all about Micro.

Turns out that I'll have to cab back to UBC on the 3rd, but somehow I liked it this way. I don't wanna owe her anything lol or I'll just bus back cuz I don't have much to carry anyways

I'm going for a walk. The typhoon could hit the city at anytime but I miss getting soaked. It's kinda EMO so you probably get it hahahah.

Love,

Yang

0 notes