#and tbh if my and my friend's lives were on the line i'd make sure i was op | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

minispidey · 9 months

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Hey - you said repeaters welcome so here I am 💅

If you’ve watched Scenes from a Marriage, I need ya thots /HC for Levy:

BEST FRIEND.

Jonathan Levy x f!reader.

Warnings: mentions toxic relationship, mentions cheating, does this count as cheating too?, angst, smut, fluff, swearing.

Requested by: @boredzillenial

Author's Note: bestie the gif u send is so MWAH cheeky beefy oscar isaac ass 🤭 if u dont mind, i added in a small story line because u swear this man deserves better. mira fucked him up smh (tbh i have no idea what im writing have mercy on me)

Summary: you're Jonathan Levy's best friend, always been in love with him even after he got married. But then it crumbles down and you proved that you treat him better.

MINORS DNI

My immediate thought is like: oh childhood besties with Jonathan instead of the usual teacher-student relationship. I think it adds more drama, you know?

Imagine being so in love with this man for years, but he's blind. He marries Mira and to add salt to the wound you were his best man, or rather best woman. Holding in tears because you thought to yourself 'Surely, I'd move on.'

You two grow up, still closer and you watched him make a family of his own while you work a decent job and end up drinking at the end of the day. Partners come and go, but none of them made you feel the same way Jonathan did. And Jonathan barely did shit.

You knew it was wrong pining for a married man, but you hoped some day Jonathan sees that Mira treats him like shit. You didn't want to upset him since you're his best friend. The one person who knew everything about him even after setting boundaries since he got married.

Were you surprised when Jonathan calls you over and tells you Mira cheated on him? Of course not. You called up a babysitter for Ava and went to hit up a bar, drowning in his sadness.

"What does she have that keeps you... I don't know... loving her? What's so different that you keep crawling back to her."

He couldn't reply. Jonathan stared at you, remembering all the times you two talked— the ones where he's always ranting about his married life, the struggles and the stress. You always just sat there and listened to him. You never straight out voiced your opinion about Mira.

"What else do you think of her?"

"She's a bitch. I mean seriously, you two have a daughter and she pulls this shit. Anyone— and I mean everyone can treat you better than she does."

You always did speak the truth when you're drunk. So this was different.

"You packed her shit too. If I were you, I would've burned everything she owned. Did I ever tell you of the ex boyfriend I had? Changed his shampoo to hair remover."

"That's a bit extreme."

"Your face is a bit extreme."

You always knew just how to make him laugh, even with childish insults. No words were exchanged between the two of you, Jonathan stared at you, scanning your features. Something about you was different. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he's just barely tipsy.

Next thing he knew, he kissed you. He realized that he loved you more than a best friend normally did. He was in love.

Even if it took your whole lives, you thanked whoever the fuck made him realize he loved you (me).

In the middle of your kissing session, he pulls away only to take off his glasses, even touching the lenses despite wanting to keep it fingerprint-free.

His daughter's asleep, baby sitter's gone. You two stumbled into his house, lips locked. Jonathan wasted no time getting you into his bedroom (well, him and Mira's bedroom) and taking your clothes off.

Not only was this the perfect revenge, this was a perfect moment. Your wildest dreams finally coming true.

Jonathan fucks— no, he makes love. He's slow, making you feel good. He's definitely a giver. He peppers you non-stop with kisses. You leave scratches and marks on his body. The pleasure is too much. You were happy that night.

The next morning, breakfast in bed and a kiss on your forehead. Clearly, he didn't regret anything from last night. Jonathan really realized he loved you and you loved him.

Let's just say that you practically lived in his house at this point. Mira comes home to find Jonathan fucking you on the kitchen counter.

"You slut-!"

"You can't say shit, you cheated on him you fucking cunt!"

You successfully landed a harsh slap across Mira's face before getting pulled away by Jonathan. He carries you back into his bedroom and he cups your face with a smile.

"Did it feel good?"

"Yeah. Been wanting to do that since she broke the mug I gave you if I'm being honest."

Jonathan kicked Mira out, and you two spent the night making love to each other. Jonathan was right— everything Mira hated about him, you loved. You were absolutely better than her.

Their divorced finalized, and Jonathan got full custody of Ava. You moved in and brought life to their dull house.

For your birthday, he bought you a piano... an expensive one at that. He loved hearing you play.

He's the type to pick you small flowers every day and you have an album filled with pressed flowers. Before you go to work, he would slip a sticky note in your bag and you would find it while working and can't help but smile.

You make his lunches. He's always liked your cooking. You were definitely levels up from pathetic dinner tupperware spaghetti.

You even pack Ava's lunch for school, making notes like

Have a good day, sweetie! I love you ❤️

For Jonathan, it's always confessions of love. Even if at this point you two should be married.

Love you for as long as the stars shine ❤��

He can't help but smile like a fool during lunch. Even brags about the food you make.

He was in the middle of a lesson when he realized he wanted to marry you. As soon as class ended, he sprinted to Tiffany & Co. and bought you a diamond ring that suited you.

He was just utterly in love with you. One day, playing your piano, you looked ethereal that he grabbed the ring and got down on one knee. He just loved you too much.

You two spent the rest of your days more and more in love than that day in the bar along with your children. He couldn't ask for anyone better. You were the one for him, no one else.

#jonathan levy #scenes from a marriage #jonathan levy smut #oscar isaac #minispidey requests

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wildpeachfarm · 2 months

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Tbh from the vague and the read btwn the lines that I got more from George than her is that he did reach his hand up to her boobs. I think people do need to be prepared for that as being potentially accurate. Saying how do people not notice well when people are drinking and having fun they can miss out on alot. Literally have had friends have sex on the couch that most of us missed because we were drunk and partying. I do feel like there are other things that are being left out though but I do feel like george is on the right path and has both acknowledged and apologized his actions were in the wrong.

I'd like to say that what is tame or is not tame is subjective to peoples bubbles (thank you, Brittany), perception, and experience. For alot of people touching the chest is the next step and called tame compared to what they're used to doing (including women). Ultimately, though, the person performing those actions needs to make sure the other person feels the same way.

Unfortunately, people-mainly men, don't see it as the assault it can be and is. It's a byproduct of the patriarchal society we live in, and I've had to educate so many of my friends on this who just never thought about it like that because it's how they were raised. Especially as a woman who developed early with big boobs, the entitlement both men and women have felt towards them is kind of crazy like actually.

I think so many women are exhausted of always being expected to be vigilant and having to teach men basic concepts we were taught since we were kids and are starting to not care about the nuance which they should be, I am!!! but life is just so not black and white, so much of life is grey. I personally am never going to keep dating a guy or girl where I have to keep teaching these things too but I have taken the time to educate them and quite a few of the people (mainly men sigh) in my life whether they're my friends or not because it's important- nothing will change if we don't talk about it. I've seen so many people change!

Idk, life is complicated but I think it's wrong to say that it's another discussion when really it just all comes down to consent. I personally feel, in that moment with the way she was talking her thought process she might have said yes and he would've never known what she was thinking this is the price I have to pay to be around him. As we've said a thousand times already, she needs therapy and better friends and gnf needs to take a hard look at his life and choices and does his all to prevent this from happening again.

all very fair input anon

#ask #anon #anti drummyache tag

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infriga · 8 months

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AAAAAHHHHHHHH THE LIVE ACTION WAS SO GOOD AAAAAAAHHH

Luffy was so perfect, they all were, but as my favourite character he had a lot to live up to and he was AMAZING

My favourite aspects/moments:

- Luffy was so tactile and physically affectionate. I'm glad they weren't afraid of having him be touchy feely with his crew and friends. Plopping his head down on top of Nami's head when she's cracking the safe, literally draping himself overtop of Zoro and hugging him when he wakes up after the Mihawk fight, clinging to Usopp when their ship gets attacked by Garp as they leave Syrup village, hugging Coby when they say goodbye the second time, even just the small moments like when he puts his hands on Kaya's shoulders while giving her his speech about his dream and the Merry during the dinner, he is so affectionate with everyone and loves his friends so much I'm gonna cry.

- him walking on the table in Kaya's house during the dinner while giving his speech then handing his glass to Kuro gkdgkdhj that scene was so funny and was such a Luffy thing to do, and everyone's reactions plus Kuro's apoplectic rage in response had me dying

- Luffy's anxiety when he's worried about Zoro after the fight with Mihawk, like all his fidgeting and not wanting to eat and talking erratically, it really reminded me of his anxiety when Nami gets sick after Little Garden, as well as when he refuses to eat for a while after Marineford. It's just a nice touch because the one thing that can get him to lose his appetite is the thought of losing someone close to him, and one of the few things that can make him openly anxious is when he's not sure if one of his friends will be okay and there's nothing he can do to help. His anxiety in that scene is portrayed so well.

- Sanji trying to get him to eat and suggesting a bunch of different foods he can make because he's trying to help Luffy feel better was also so cute and such a Sanji thing to do 🥺🥺🥺

- Sanji and Zeff's dynamic was done soooooo well, the actors had so much chemistry and the dialogue was so good between them. Also I love how much of a spitfire baby Sanji was, and his and Zeff's first meeting was actually amazing with Sanji being like "I'D RATHER DIE THAN LET YOU SEASON MY FOOD" fhkxgjzgkxgj

- so much swearing, I loved it lol. In Japanese they swear a lot but a lot of subtitles don't really translate the extent of it, and the official manga translation definitely tones it down, as does the dub, at least compared to the original Japanese. Sanji even said "shitty restaurant"! He said the line!!

- idk if this an unpopular opinion or not, but I actually like the changes they made to the Syrup Village arc. That arc in the manga/anime is probably the narmiest, and as fond as I am of earlier arcs, that one would probably not translate well to the style and pacing the live action had going for it. They adjusted quite a few of the fights to fit a live action series as opposed to a serialized shounen. But One Piece has never really been about the fights, so as long as the essence is there I'm fine with it. And tbh, turning Kuro into a slasher villain stalking Kaya through the house actually worked surprisingly well. It made for a fun deviation from what fans would be used to, and played around with the genre without sacrificing the essential plot elements or character dynamics. Also using Kaya's house instead of a random beach actually made for a nice setting and environment that I think felt more fitting to the One Piece vibe, ngl.

- I like what they did with Koby's story. Having his character development lead up to him standing up to Garp rather than Alvida actually worked pretty well, and felt really natural as his story progressed in Parallel with Luffy's. And having his story involve him confronting his ideal of what a marine should be vs the reality of what marines are fit the story really well. I love the scene where he and Luffy tell each other to become a good marine and a good pirate.

- I was shocked that they revealed Garp's relationship with Luffy so soon, but honestly, it works better than I expected. I think they actually did a really good job integrating him into the earlier arcs, and it provided a good glimpse into some of the world building that will come into play later, like the relationship between the warlords and the marines/government, while also providing a more significant marine threat early on. I am a bit sad we don't get Luffy's canon reaction where as soon as he even hears his grandpa being mentioned he gets like ptsd flashbacks lmao. But I'll admit, the "talk" Nami gets Zoro to have with him after everyone finds out is hilarious. Zoro not giving a shit about who Luffy's grandpa is and being like "ughhhhhhh fine I'll talk to him" when Nami pressures him into it, then giving the barest minimum effort and Luffy is just like being Luffy and fiddling with his hat and answering the questions so non-chalantly, then Zoro is like "good talk" and bails, they were really on that shared idiot wavelength lmfaoooooo.

- Zoro's bickering with Sanji was great. I particularly like how prickly he gets about Sanji acting so familiar towards Nami and Luffy despite only just joining, because Zoro would totally be peeved by that, like excuse u simp waiter those were my friends first and I called dibs lmao

- Zoro's goofy moments like trying to sit down with the swords and when Luffy was manhandling him after his injury lmfao, I'm glad they didn't have him be serious all the time and let him be an idiot occasionally. He was so hardheaded and proud and cocky and sassy in all the right ways. Also loved when Nami was trying on clothes and Zoro is like "I'm gonna wear black so you can't wear black" like a diva LMAO

- uh, they did NOT have to go so fucking hard with Buggy, but they did and I am grateful for it. His actor is so fucking funny, and his lines are so good, they fit Buggy so well. And Luffy constantly getting his name wrong made me laugh every single time lmfao. Also when he gets mad at Luffy thinking he said "nose" and squishes his face, and Luffy's like "well now that you mention it wtf IS up with your nose?" LMAO did I mention yet how much I loved Luffy?

- having Buggy trap Luffy in a glass box filling with water worked so well for the circus aesthetic because it's really similar to those acts where people escape from a box filling with water. It also made sense for Buggy to use that against Luffy with the sea water. Also the effects for his fruit powers looked so good and creepy.

- they didn't shy away from gore! The manga is actually super violent, even relatively early on, but I got so used to the reduced version in the anime I actually was surprised at how graphic some parts were. They straight up had Zoro slice a guy in half and did not shy away from showing his sliced meaty bits. Also Zoro casually bringing Mr. 7's torso to the marines with the hair sticking out was badass ngl.

- the main cast were all sooooo good, I can't even pick one out as being better than any of the others, they were just all perfect. They really felt like the characters. Obviously Luffy stands out to me as my favourite character, but I loved them all so much. Sanji, Nami, Zoro, Usopp, they all were portrayed so well too. Absolutely perfect casting. Whoever was in charge of casting is the absolute GOAT

- Zoro and Nami bickering like siblings the whole time was great, especially how they were only unified in their exasperation over Luffy's antics lmfao.

- "Think he has brain damage?" "I think that every day" EGHSKSCHLACHSK

- the villains were all the perfect amount of hammy, hats off to their actors they all looked like they were having so much fun and they did so well as each character. And Arlong's actor managed to include Arlong's SHA HA HA HA laugh and actually make it sound pretty natural so fucking kudos dude that's awesome.

- when Sanji fishes Luffy out of the water at Baratie and they tell him Nami is gone, he looks so sad and pathetic just laying there wet on the dock I wanted to hug him so bad 🥺 he was already anxious about Zoro and then they lost Nami too and he was so worried about his friends.

- Sanji's simping was so funny. The scene were he's like "NAMI!" with his arms open as she comes out of the collapsing building in Arlong's Park and she runs right past him to hug Zoro and Usopp instead WGHOVSHOD it was so in character. dude is mega down bad fr and they portrayed it in such a funny way.

- I was kinda shocked at how well the outfits and costumes translated to live action. Like the show was extremely faithful when it came to character designs and outfits but it managed to make them feel very natural to the setting. It was honestly so cool. Like when Gin stumbled into the kitchen and you can instantly recognize him from his outfit, but it looks so natural like they made the outfits feel like something real people would wear. And the Strawhats had some absolute fucking DRIP yo, implementing a bunch of their colour spread outfits in the different episodes was fucking inspired, and they looked so goddamn good. Oda is a fucking fashion savant I swear like the clothes he designed look so damn good in real life.

- Luffy still had his asexual vibes in full force which I'm so happy about. Like when Nami is getting dressed for their dinner with Kaya, and asks how it looks while posing, and Luffy is like "... you look like Nami", that was SUCH a Luffy line lmao.

- when Usopp and Zoro were teasing Nami about Sanji's flirting (Zoro's rapid fire "madam"s lmfao) and everybody was joking around together while Luffy watches them with the most fond look on his face it was so cute ugh my heart

- Having Zeff help to treat Zoro using fish skin grafting was a really cool addition and a great way to show his expertise as a former pirate.

- omg when Luffy gets all defensive of Sanji after only knowing him for like a day (because he's Luffy), and he tells Zeff about Sanji feeding Gin thinking he'll be all mad but instead Zeff looks proud and says "what a good kid" OMG MY HEART that was so cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 Zeff's dad vibes we're off the fucking charts. And they kept the "li'l eggplant" nickname, Zeff was so good goddamn like he was honestly one of my favourite parts. How the fuck they managed to make his mustache work so well and look so natural I will never know but god damn I was so impressed.

- holy fucking shit, the Baratie looked so fucking good. It was like seeing the manga/anime come to life. I wanted to fucking go there so bad. The little mouth balcony thing, the floors, the roof mural which didn't get any attention but was just casually made to be incredibly detailed and beautiful?!?! The colours and the bg characters, holy shit the set was just fucking amazing.

- The ships looked so good. Luffy choosing Merry 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I also liked how Usopp was introduced, it fit his character and the adjusted pacing pretty well imo

-I didn't know how to feel about Shanks in the preview images, but in motion he actually works really well. And Yasopp and Lucky Roo were so good. I love how they had Shanks mime cocking a gun and shooting it to signal to his crew to start going ham on the bandits so it looks for a moment like he shoots someone with his finger gun. Also Yasopp's trick shots were awesome, as well as Lucky Roo literally beating people with a chunk of meat lmfao.

- Mihawk was serving absolutely cunt. He was there to slay and slay he did. No notes, A+ performance.

- Zoro and Nami's actors really nailed their big emotional scenes. They captured the expressions and delivery perfectly, especially Nami screaming Arlong's name and stabbing her tattoo, she managed to match the intensity that the original voice actor had in the anime surprisingly well.

- Helmeppo's actor was so funny. His dickish goofy way of laughing worked so well for his character lmao, and having Zoro give him his signature haircut was 🤌🤌🤌 idk WHY they had him naked when he was playing with Wado Ichimonji but it was so funny.

- the scene where he convinces Koby to slack off and have a drink with him, Koby takes several shots, then blurts out that Garp is Luffy's grandfather was great lmfao.

-Zeff's interactions with Garp were great too. I love their talk about there being a new generation coming into its own now and it's getting to be the time where they should step back and let the new kids have their turn. It was a scene I could absolutely see happening in the manga.

- I like how at first Garp seems more reserved and serious than he is in canon, but as more time passes the more it's revealed how unhinged he is and how he absolutely is related to Luffy. Like when he screams after Luffy takes out their main sail, only to start laughing and act proud. Or when he gets pissed off at Mihawk refusing to capture Luffy and just has a tantrum in his office throwing shit around. Or when Zeff convinces him to stay for a meal by mentioning meat and he's like 👀👀👀. Koby saying he should have realised Garp and Luffy were related because of how much they both like meat had me laughing out loud.

- I like how Bogard got a slightly bigger role. He always had a really cool aesthetic, like an old time gangster with a samurai sword is actually really cool, so it was nice to see him a bit more than we get to in the manga/anime.

- They did a great job showing off how terrifyingly strong Garp is. When he's going after Luffy and just demolishing him as well as the environment. His hits felt like they hit hard. Also when he grabbed a canon ball and threw it at the Merry I was like YES!!! I was really hoping they'd show that if they were going to involve him in the live action series earlier than in canon.

- the show really managed to capture that fun swashbuckling vibe that comes with pirates. Also the ships and sets looked so good. And I like how they made reasonable changes to ship designs without going too far or making them too "realistic", they kept the fun aspects of the ship designs. Like Garp's ship looked damn good! Alvida's ship was still pink and covered in hearts!

I could gush for hours about everything I liked. There were like a few tiny nitpicks, some of the child actors weren't the greatest (Usopp and Kuina's being the worst ones), Usopp didn't get as many important scenes in Syrup village (though he did get a nice scene where he refuses to leave Kaya even after she slaps him and accuses him of lying about Klahador/Kuro, and they also kind of made up for not having more big scenes for him by giving Nami some extra development with Kaya in a way that fit with both their characters and storys. It was cute!), they left Hachi out of Arlong's Park which could impact his story later on (if they ever get that far 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞), which kinda sucks because I've always loved his redemption story. But aside from that honestly, I have very few criticisms. This felt like it was made by people who love One Piece and wanted to share it with both fans who have always wanted to see the world and characters they love in real life, as well a new audience that might otherwise have never gotten to see it. What few changes they made were ones that made sense for condensing the story, adjusting for the change in genre and medium, and they all still fit the world and didn't actually sacrifice the important aspects of canon. And they captured the heart and essence of the story, world, and characters so well it almost feels like a dream.

Like, we all got so used to live action adaptations falling short of that, of missing what makes the originals work. But the One Piece live action feels like it gets it, like above everything else the strawhats are a family, and Luffy is the embodyment of joy, and freedom, and the pursuit of dreams, and letting yourself just believe for once in something bigger than yourself even when you're a very small fish in a very big pond. The attention to detail, all the little references and foreshadowing and stuff in the backgrounds. The casting was mind bogglingly good, even minor characters like Sham and Buchi were so good and had so much character and life to them. Even with the characters they mostly had to leave out due to pacing and time constraints, just their designs alone were given so much attention. Like the Mayor of Orange town, or Patty, or Gin, who were only briefly shown in reduced roles, but were still so instantly recognisable. And the wacky designs of the manga were adapted to live action so well I was flabbergasted at how well they worked and how good they looked even though they barely toned down any of their weirdness or goofiness.

I was initially worried about the main characters saying or doing things that felt out of character, especially my boy Luffy, but there was never a moment where I felt like they weren't their characters. Sure, they weren't exact 1 to 1 copies since a lot of the Japanese dialogue would sound stilted in English without an adjustment, even the typical translated versions are more attuned to the sensibilities of people who are used to reading or hearing translated dialogue, so there were obvious adjustments that had to be made to the way some characters talked and the lines they said, but they made it work and feel right for this version of the story, and the characters still felt like themselves in all the ways that mattered.

Iñaki as Luffy was amazing, I am so happy with his performance. He really embodied the charm and cheer and charisma of Luffy perfectly. I got to fall in love with Luffy's character all over again with him and that is such a gift to get to experience that more than once 😭😭😭😭

God. I'm so emotional. I wanted this to be good so badly. I wanted this, of all series to escape the live action anime curse, because I knew if any could, it would be One Piece. And it was even better than I'd hoped. Was it perfect? Probably not, but I don't care. There wasn't a single moment where I wasn't enjoying myself and having fun, and that was all I wanted was to have fun while watching. It captured that feeling of the east blue arc, the nostalgia, so well.

If I gush any more this post will be way too fucking long. There are obviously more things I could talk about and comment on but I have to stop at some point or else I'll be writing this post forever lmao.

I will be reblogging stuff about the live action obviously, so reminder that my spoiler tag is gonna be "OPLA spoilers"

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

#One Piece #Opla #OPLA spoilers #My roommate and I binge watched it and we loved it the entire time like goddamn I'm so happy AAAHHHHHHHH #Long post #Tv show thoughts #I'm sorry this is so long I'm just very emotional #Sp

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williamaltman · 3 months

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Life is Strange 2 thoughts/feelings/review

So, Life is Strange 2. I finished the game yesterday and watched the other endings today. Things are not as fresh in my mind as if I had just finished and I talked a bit about it in other places so this feels a bit hard, but I'll try to lay down all my thoughts...

First of all... All my homies love LIS2, fuck you if you don't like LIS2! Seriously though, for years I've seen people say that the game wasn't good, that the characters weren't as good as the ones from the first one, that the Sean/Daniel relationship wasn't that interesting... I kinda did suspect it was just nostalgia goggles or whatever, but now I know for sure. I don't think there's anything wrong with connecting more with LIS1 and having a deeper relationship with it, but in this case I think you shouldn't even be comparing them and expecting the game to live up to that to you in the first place.

Now, onto the actual game. God, this was so fucking heartbreaking. I think I cried in every single episode. The very core premise of the story is just so sad, so unfair, and despite the powers so rooted in reality that it left me legit feeling uncomfortable with how fucked up their whole situation was. There are good moments, sure, but honestly every single thing that happens from the moment their dad is shot is just... Not how their life should've had to be.

Sure, LIS1 and BTS had dark themes too. But here, it's like, they lose everything from the beginning. Sean doesn't get to go to his party, to hang out with Lyla, to continue his normal life in any way. Daniel loses a part of his childhood. They're both forced to grow up so much faster than they should. There's a line Sean says in episode 3, and it's just a little idle VO, but it fucking crushed me, "Stop overthinking. You're not a teenager anymore". Even though he's fucking 16... He's 16 and he has to essentially become a parent. I knew what the game was about and lowkey followed it a bit when it was releasing, knew a few spoilers, but that didn't make anything any less heartbreaking.

I thought it was beautiful how the game took the opportunity to showcase and celebrate alternate lifestyles. The "family", Away, their freedom and how they interacted with society brings so much into perspective. I'm still a bit conflicted about Karen tbh, but I'm glad that at least they did show something beautiful through her story.

My biggest problem overall is probably how they handled the Finn romance route... I knew back when the game was releasing that despite adding a male LI, they pushed the female one more onto you and gave her more content, while locking the option to kiss him with a "bad choice" (I didn't know what exactly it was). And yeah, that is still true. I still think it was a mistake to lock the kiss with accepting the heist, and while I kinda understand the writer's explanation for that, I still think it could've been handled in another way, or they could've just let him kiss you and "betray" you by doing the heist anyway, since he still does that when you're friends lol.

I see people complaining that because they moved from place to place each episode, there wasn't enough time to connect with the characters... Idk if I'd say I disagree, but it just wasn't really the case for me. I was very invested in all the relationships, in Finn, Cassidy, Jacob, Chris, Karen. Everyone at the farm was cool and everyone in Away too. Lyla. You get so many tidbits about the characters even when they're not there on screen. The only thing I have to say which is kinda related to that, is that I think the time jumps were maybe a bit too big, and that the way they handled Mushroom was... weird.

I got the Parting Ways ending, and I'm satisfied with it. I kinda planned to get it, but only in the sense that I was spoiled that you get with Finn there. I didn't know that the whole morality thing had anything to do with it, and I played the first two episodes without even knowing that there was a points system about that and about brotherhood. I just made all the choices that were high morality (besides killing the cougar and the heist) because it was what I would do, and tried to be a good brother for Daniel. I figured that choosing to cross the border would most likely give me that one, but I just couldn't accept Sean having to go to prison for 15 years for something he didn't even do. If we were able to choose between Parting Ways and Blood Brothers, then I would actually be conflicted about which I wanted.

With the way the game's system works though, where you need to have low morality to get Blood Brothers, I couldn't really do it. I can't imagine myself teaching Daniel to be selfish and not care about killing people. I actually think it's super cool to watch Daniel use his power offensively and fuck shit up, but it just wouldn't be my version of the story. It's funny because, if we just played as Daniel, I wouldn't mind going that route. But since we play as Sean, with it being our job to raise Daniel, I feel a different kind of responsability towards leading him to become a good person. I also think it's beautiful that he gets to have the rest of his childhood, teenagehood, and live a "normal" healthy life with his grandparents. He does it in the redemption one too, but as I said, that just screws up Sean too much.

So, I'm a little disappointed that they're separated (and maybe can't ever see each other again? I'm a bit confused about Daniel's situation and whether he could visit), and that it's a bit shorter than the others (at least than the redemption one), but it IS the ending my playthrough led to and in that I'm satisfied.

I think this story is just incredible. It touched me so much, and the fact that some people can't see it genuinely frustrates me. The people complaining it's too political in particular can just go fuck themselves. It might not be perfect, but like with all things I appreciate, I'm just so glad it exists.

#life is strange 2 #life is strange #lis 2 #lis2 #sean diaz #daniel diaz #finn mcnamara #sean x finn #rambling #review

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nevarroes · 5 months

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i refuse to send these thoughts separately:

who would cas main in league, he wouldnt play isnt an answer the mans gender is at least 25% calling people slurs on mic

okay but what if what if um 🥺👉👈 someone wanted to write a thing but they were super anxious about getting cas’s voice right in part because by the nature of how you share your creative concepts the only solid vibe they get is Doesnt Talk A Lot, When He Does Its 90% Weird Rude Mean Shit, hence the cesare big top burger comparison

and fuckin um i forget if ive ever asked, i mostly process cas’s fuckedupedness through a lens of npd, but am more familar with bpd because my own brain garbage is a bit of both and having had many loved ones with bpd, does cas ever fully freak the fuck out in an insecure attachment way trying to make gortash Go Away or trying to leave himself(but coming back generally), might characterize that Oh No Hes Going To Die leaves forever cant handle loss unless he “choses” it meltdown in a similar menthol eelnessTM vein

i especially love thinking about cas being extremely insecure because reality will never live up to his delusions of self importance perfection and grandeur because fun fact :^) a side affect of those thought patterns is constant disappointment in a reality of self that can never meet those expectations :^^^)

casim “i AM perfect or ill DIE” carnavorn

honestly "Doesnt Talk A Lot, When He Does Its 90% Weird Rude Mean Shit" is pretty on point here😭😭 I used to say like everyone desires him and then he opens his mouth and theyre like "hmmm yeah idk if this one's worth it chief". Like he has no filter at all but it isn't like he doesn't do it on purpose it's more like he goes out of his way to make sure everyone leaves in a worse mood than before, if that makes sense? Gortash would join in though honestly.... type of situation where Gortash tries to introduce them to some noble family on a party and Cas just drops that some poor girl looks like a fat cow (see this is funnier considering that he stands next to Gortash but ain't nobody gonna say that back) 🙏

aside from that though like.... in private? I suppose this may be more of a tone thing and I'm a VERY mid writer so I couldn't even tell you how I'd show this of the top of my head but I suppose he's more... clearly affectionately teasing? because yeah he obviously stays teasing and calls him a fat bastard in private still and such but it's very obvious if you look at them for a second that it's like a far cry from how he treats everyone else (smth smth his gaze very clearly softens and he allows himself to giggle and you can tell that they have been knowing each other for a long time)

okay sorry im YAPPING but ! ....If you want to write something I'd be over the fucking moon either way honestly like??😭 tbh I think you sound like you get him a lot already but also let me just say additionally... I see Cas as a character that's pretty flexible anyways because he erm... he has mood swings but also doesn't really have smth I'd consider a set speech pattern or something that he needs to sound in character?

anyways concerning the npd/bpd thing I never quite drew a line for him or anything to put him more into one camp but. I mean yeah based on the dying of old age scenario... LMFAOO but also yeah he does. Cas is the type of person that will literally leave the city for months or lock himself in and try to "become a new person" (he literally has moment where he's like "maybe I should just become who Bhaal wants me to be. maybe it would be easier") if there's some dispute with Gortash. It usually ends with Gortash forcing him to meet him again and Cas being something along the lines of "oh my fucking god can I just stop loving you already" but yeagh u know the fact that Gortash is kinda the only person he ever liked or even saw as a friend just makes it worse tbh

and the insecurities/delusions thing? yeah exactly what you said. a lot of his insecurities are insane too tbh like "I can never be what everyone desires" but then he loses it if he's NOT what someone desires, Gortash saying smth along the lines of "I like women too" would be enough to make him walk off a ledge because he can't be that part (smth smth I can be most perfect man on the planes but I'll never be a woman. funnier when u know he could use incubus illusion magic but he refused to his whole life). But anyways yeah as I said once Cas is like... a DEEPLY insecure person at his core even if he'd never admit or think that it shows

anyways after this analysis... Cas plays adc and shits on every support he plays with💯 He mains aphelios because he wants to look at a man but also because he thinks he's better than anyone else for playing a complex champ... hope u see my vison

#blakemail #cas lore #i thinks....#i think gortash said that ONCE btw just to piss him off but he didnt know to what extent and it genuinely made Cas leave the city #this ones def a deep fucking trauma from his incubus days because of some weird incubus/succubus rivalry that got really out of hand #actually everything is a trauma from that time he got there like when he was a bit TOO YOUNG #fatphobia #mention i suppose

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multifandom1writer · 1 year

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Obey me! Replaced mc au brainrot

Mc=Noah (cause I don't like just saying mc, ik this isn't accurate btw I'm just a sucker for angst lol)

This contains explicit and harmful content, so, warning.

Part 2:

When a new student from the human realm was announced, I didn't think much of it

I thought maybe I'd get to make a new friend, hang out with them, hell maybe they could tell me everything that went on in the human realms while I was gone.

But not this

I'd never thought that she would completely take my place, it's weird saying it now.

Take my place, huh?

It was foolish of me to think I'd actually matter in their lives, their demons for fucks sake!

For all I know their waiting for the day to kill me.

Well, it wouldn't be the first time eitherway

My hand immideatly went to gently rub my throat remembering how belphegor had killed me in a brutal and slow way after I helped him escape.

Belphegor, weird, I normally just call him belphie.

Guess habits change.

I walked out of my room, messy RAD uniform and deep eyebags under my eyes, beautiful I know.

I walked into the dinning hall and everyone was with Angelica, the new student I was thinking about earlier, they were huddled around her as she told a story from the human realm.

I simply sat down and stared at my breakfast, deciding I'm not hungry I called out to beel.

He was the only one not fully engrossed in her story, simply listening while eating.

He turned his head to me and I walked over to him.

-"here, I'm not hungry bud, and your well, always hungry"- I smiled at him and silently cursed myself for the awkward phrasing

-"no, keep it."- said beel as he pushed my plate towards me.

-"beel, did you just reject food?"- I asked smiling at him, slightly nervous as to why.

-"no no, I would gladly accept it, the thing is that, I haven't seen you eat a proper meal in a week Noah"- he said as he handed me my plate, worry filled in his normally blank eyes.

-"Beel I'm fine I promise, please, take it."- I spoke through an honest smile.

-"no, you haven't been eating lunch or dinner either"- he said stubbornly as his voice raised a bit.

His brothers started to notice the commotion and slightly stared at us from time to time.

'shit, this is not how I wanted this to go' I thought to myself

-"I promise I have, I just arrive earlier than you and take it back to my room."- I spoke through a nervous aura, tensing up every few seconds

-"whenever I arrive your plate is there and served to the brim"- he spoke again, voice never flattering as he grabbed my wrist that was sliding my plate towards him.

-"well then, I didn't know that, someone must be refilling it, I'll make sure it doesn't happen again yeah?"- by this point the brothers were paying more attention to you than Angelica and were starting to grow suspicious of your odd and worrying behaviour.

You gave him your plate, waved at the brothers goodbye and left as soon as you entered.

-'Fuck..I can't go to RAD today, I can't stand the thought of confronting them, especially beel'- I thought as I ran a hand through my hair and then down my face.

I went to my room and pulled out my motorcycle keys, then the box hidden under the bed.

I made my way down the building with nobody noticing I was still there

The sound of a powerful motor echoed as I set out into the street, I admired the scenery around me but then remembered I forgot my helmet

-'Fuck it, it's fine, I normally don't ride with my helmet on'- I thought as I continued the way through the Devildom.

Blurry shops and demons all lined my view as I sped up through the busy streets.

I silently sighed as I arrived at my destination

It was a giant cliff with a barrier protecting the demons from the fall, it was very popular for it's beautiful view

I occasionally came here, normally on Saturdays on Sundays since I didn't have school those days but eh.

I doubt Lucifer will even care for a single missing day with demons missing school almost everyday

I sat down on the barrier and pulled out my stuff from the box.

Cigarettes and lighters.

I lighted one and felt the welcoming feeling of the drug invite me in.

Devildom cigarettes had 10x more effect than normal ones so as a human I fell under the influence rather quickly.

I stared at the view infront of me and stood up on the barrier

I took another puff and slightly let my thoughts wonder.

How couldn't I let my thoughts run? After all I had never been more alone.

Even in the human realm I was well known for my good grades and...devilish personality some would say.

I talked back to teachers, skipped class, did all types of drugs for whatever the reason and drank till I passed out.

I was never fully mentally stable and my body was concrete proof of that.

Scars, burn scars, littered almost every corner of my body.

There were scars on my arms and forearms, stomach, chest, legs and thighs.

I hated myself and I made sure that message got through to myself.

My scars weren't something to be ashamed of, infact I loved them, I remember I always showed them off when I was at any mental health meeting.

When this new school year rolled around that habit stopped.

Apparently me wearing a short sleeved shirt that revealed my scars was gruesome for Angelica.

I remember the day as if it was yesterday

I was walking through the halls, it was an early Saturday morning and I was wearing a shirt with no sleeves getting ready to accompany beel to the gym.

I smiled at myself in the mirror, loving the way my scars were on show.

Soon enough Angelica came in talking with mammon about who knows what

-"ready to go beel?"- I asked him with a smile he smiled back at me and said

-"yeah just one second, I left my protein drink in the kitchen"- he got on his feet and went jogging to the kitchen

I pulled my playlist up on my D.D.D and scrolled through the songs until I found one that I liked I reached for my headphones and Angelicas scream pierced through my ears.

I covered my ears while Lucifer and Satan, who had just entered the room came running to her side.

I looked at her wide eyed, wondering what caused such a reaction.

She was crying as she held her hands over her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut.

-"Angelica?! Answer me! What's wrong?!"- asked Lucifer, panic seen in his normally calm eyes.

-"T-their scars"- Angelica stuttered through tears

-"Who's scars?"- asked Satan a bit more calmly trying to understand the situation

-"Noah's! Noah's arms!, I can't bear to look at them"- she spoke once again through sobs as she sobbed into her hands

The demons heads snapped up at me, I shrugged and tried to continue my day.

Key word, tried.

Lucifer stood up straight and stared at me

-"Noah come with me, quick"- said Lucifer, I spread my arms and did a 'seriously?!' motion as I followed him

Angelica only sobbed louder as she saw the numerous scars on the other side of my arm

-"Noah!"- yelled Lucifer from the other room, a warning

I rolled my eyes as Angelicas screaming was starting to get on my nerves

-"oh suck it up! I'm the one with the scars not you!"- I yelled at her, pissed off that I was the one getting punished for something as ridiculous as this

-"NOAH!"- screamed lucifer, even madder from the other room,

-"I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME GRANDPA!"- I screamed as I left the room, the sounds of slight laughter being shot down by Angelica screaming at them for laughing as I closed the door.

-"yes, Lucifer?"- I asked, clearly annoyed as I stared at him crossing my arms, he simply scoweld at me as he slightly glared

A look I knew too well from the beggining of my first year at RAD.

-"given Angelicas reaction and your..actitude, towards it."-

-"from now on, it's mandatory for you, especifically, to wear a long sleeved shirt at all times, and I think this goes without saying but just to be clear, you aren't allowed to wear anything that shows your scars"- I stared at him in bewilderment.

All this for a girl he met a week ago?! Seriously?!

-"meaning, no shorts, no bathing suits, no exposing clothes, nothing along the lines of that"- he said as he slightly glared at me, we were the same height so it was easy for me to glare back.

I scoffed and looked at him.

-"this is fucking ridiculous, what, just because this random girl doesn't like some scars I have to change my entire wardrobe for her?! Fuck no!"- I yelled at him, I was pretty sure the other brothers could hear us two yelling but I didn't give a single shit.

I wasn't going to change everything for this random ass pretty girl I met barley a week ago.

That's absurd!

-"Yours scars are triggering for her, who knows when it might happen to another student when you decide to take off your jacket in class?!"- he yelled back at me stuff even he knew, were false and completely out of his ass.

-"Don't make me laugh! We both know the entire Devildom had seen my scars and none of them, GIVE A SINGLE FLYING SHIT"- You screamed at him, was it a bad idea? Yes Did you care? No, no you didn't

He massaged his temples with his fingers and glared at you.

-"I don't think you understand, I'm not asking you permission for this shit, I'm TELLING you, ORDERING you"- he screamed and you just scoffed at him.

-" well then! Fuck you too Lucifer! FUCK YOU TOO!"- you yelled at him, as you slammed the door on your way out.

The brothers stared at you in bewilderment and even Angelica stopped crying to give you a wide eyed look for talking back to Lucifer like that

-"not so triggering for you now, huh?"- I spoke through venom as I made my way to the kitchen where beel was packing some last minute snacks

I sighed and looked down at the joint in my hand at the memory

Smoke slowly coming out as I continued on my feet on the rail.

I couldn't believe how much this girl had affected me in less than a month.

I was forced to wear clothes I didn't like, be in charge of Angelica 24/7 since mammon barley did his job, relapsed terribly, got a terrible sleep schedule because of being forced to room with Angelica, lost motivation to do anything really, I didn't even feel hungry anymore.

Everyday Im just the walking skin of the person I used to be.

I took off the annoying sweater I had to wear, and stared at my arms, slowly rubbing my scars as a way to calm myself.

-"Nice scars yo!"- Spoke a demon on rollerblades as she sped beside me giving me a cocky smile

I smiled back and waved as a way of saying 'thank you!'

-"triggering others my ass"- i spoke softly bringing the drug between my lips before i got an idea.

I slowly sat down as I brought the burnt side of the cigarette to my arm, the feeling of burning skin brought me inner peace as I continued running it down my arm.

Blood slowly dripping as my arm got dirtied by the ash creating a gory wound behind.

The fire completely out by now as I put my sweater back, and rode to RAD, smiling to myself from the pain coursing through my arm.

As much as I didn't want to, I went to the nurse, it could get infected and that's the last thing I want to be honest, it's a pain in the ass.

After my lovely visit I went to my next class, which I regrettably had with Angelica.

-"Hey!"- she smiled at me as I arrived and sat next to her

I gave her a quick forced smiled and leaned on my arm.

Quickly shooting back as I had played down on my injured one, I gritted my teeth and shut my eyes

-"are you ok?!"- asked Angelica, worry sparkled through her features and eyes, as she held my arm gently

-"I'm fine.."- I muttered as I retreated my arm.

Angelica still looked worried and I could tell she could smell the horrid smell of cigarette on me.

I had a long week, Angelica wouldn't leave me alone, and my visits to the cliff with my lighter and cigarettes became more and more ordinary, the demon brothers pushed me away even more and we're starting to treat me horribly.

Lucifer would straight up ignore me and the only time he would speak to me was when he was screaming at me for my bad grades, oh yeah, did I mention? My grades took a downfall because of my, situation.

Mammon would steal and take my money from my room all the time, to either sell or give to Angelica, normally I wouldn't care but very important stuff has stared going missing and it's anger inducing

Levi would treat me like trash, straight to the point. Wonder what happened to the leviathan that would stay up all night playing videogames with me and would always invite me to read his magas with him.

Satan and Asmo just insulted me to no end, Asmo saying stuff about my looks and fashion sense, Satan about my likes in books and stories, judging everything about me.

Beel and belphie stayed quiet on the whole matter, they weren't close with Angelica and beel didn't really trust her so they stayed on the neutral side, but by doing that they distanced themselves away from me.

All for her.

For the shiny new girl.

Fuck them

Fuck her

And most importantly

Fuck me.

The burning of the lines became a known and welcoming feeling.

I was in my room reading a book I found in the library

I honestly couldn't care since I was more concentrated on my thoughts and burning arm than the pages filled with knowledge Infront of me.

Suddenly the room to my room shot open and I got on my feet.

An angry Lucifer followed by the worried faces of Angelica and the other siblings came into my room.

Great, what did I do now? I simply sat down as Lucifer continued glaring.

He simply slammed a box Infront of me.

Not just any box, my box.

Filled to the brim with bloody bandages, cigarettes, lighters, and bloody tissues.

I knew that if I acted surprised or looked over at my bed too see if it was the real one and not just some test it would be suspicious.

So I simply stared at the box and raised an eyebrow at him.

-"nice collection I guess"- I stated simply as I pulled out my D.D.D and started scrolling through devilgram.

-"Don't bullshit me Noah, I know this is yours"- he stated as he put his arms on my desk and leaned closer, his eyes weren't angry as I thought they would be.

They showed concern, sadness, worry.

What a joke.

I looked at him weirdly while everyone else stood stiff behind him.

"no it isn't, why would I need all that for?"- I said, pointing at the box.

I reached over and analysed the bloody bandage as if I didn't recognize the blood and smears.

Remembering how I dragged the cigarette across my arm, putting it out the farther it went, grabbing a tissue to wipe away the ashes and blood, applying the bandage over it.

Putting that ugly sweater on once again.

-"ew.."- I muttered throwing it into the box again.

Before I could retreat my hand, Lucifer reached towards and grabbed my arm.

It hurt like hell and I could feel the burns burning even more than normally.

The newest one slowly dripping droplets of blood, that have thankfully, not seeped through the fabric of the shirt and jacket I'm wearing.

-"what the fuck are you doing Lucifer"- I said, trying to break away my arm from his deadly grip but his firm hand never even flattered

-"Show us"- he spoke through gritted teeth

-"show you what exactly Lucifer?!, What do you want?!"- I asked him, taking my other arm and pulling on the other, trying to get it away from his grip.

I needed to keep a coolhead though, don't let them see you in a weak moment.

You gave up even if your brain was panicking in reality, thinking of every possible away to get away from them.

-"Come on Noah.., if ya don't have anything to hide, just show us ya arm, right?!"- spoke up Mammon since everyone else was in shock trying too see what would happen.

You stared at them.

And there she was.

In all her glory, cuddled up between the brothers on the verge of tears.

As if she was the one who was being interrogated and blamed.

As if she was the one hurting with thousands of burns on her arms.

As if she was the one drinking all her guilt away with wine and alcohol.

As if she was the victim.

I glared at Lucifer and used my magic to get him off me.

I could have used the pact but that would be suspicious, hence I barley use the pact to get the demon brothers to do something for me.

-"Jesus Christ man..."- I spoke softly as I rubbed my sore arm.

The brothers just deadpanned at me for a second but then returned to the matter at hand.

Lucifer glared and made his way around the table and Infront of me.

-"Fine then"- he turned around and glared at the group on the other side of the room

-"all of you take off whatever jacket or sweater your wearing and if your wearing a long sleeved shirt, pull it up"- he glared and everyone did as they were told immideatly

'and they say he kisses Diavolos ass godamn..'- you stared weirdly as everyone followed Lucifer's directions

He went around and checked their arms, then showing them too me.

Not a single one had a recent scar that would have been created by the stuff on the box

He circled back to me and glared as he stretched out his arm for me to give him mine.

As a last minute decision I casted a spell that allowed me to hide my scars.

I didn't do this since the beggining since there was a huge chance it might not work, hence it's a newly learned spell.

I scoffed and took off my sweater, hoping to any god or entity that it worked.

Luckily when I rolled up my sleeves, not a single scar in sight I relaxed a ton but didn't let anyone notice.

Lucifer simply examined them before he grabbed it tightly and pulled me towards him.

I tried to break free but I heard his voice, for everyone in the room to hear, especially me.

-"if you aren't hurt.., then, what's this?"- he spoke as he slowly raised his hand which was examining my arm filled with blood and burnt skin.

I stared in shock as I looked down and noticed the spell had worn off because I relaxed.

The brothers all stared wide eyed and some gasped.

Angelica broke out into tears but the brothers didn't pay any mind to it.

-'thats new'- I thought as I looked at their figures from Lucifer's shoulder since he still hadn't let me go.

He let go of my arm and hugged me and I felt him wrap his arms around me, his warm embrace brought tears to my eyes since it's been months since I felt it.

I hugged him back and hid my face in his shoulder as to not let anyone see my tears

I wanted to do nothing but make him let go of me, to scream and curse at him every profanity that came to mind.

But after finally being cared for after months of feeling nothing, felt so nice.

After that feeling of euphoria died I pushed Lucifer away and put on my jacket again.

-"Leave."- I spoke coldly as I didn't dare to meet their eyes.

-"Noah, please let us help you.."- spoke asmo carefully as he took a step towards

-"Are you all deaf, I said, Leave."- I spoke harshly once again.

-"c'mon Noah.."- spoke Mammon as he came closer.

-"why do you guys even care?!"- I yelled at them, Angelica flinching to which I just rolled my eyes at.

-"Because we care about you!"- yelled back Mammon

I scoffed and spoke -"sure you do, if you care then why have you guys been treating me like shit?"-

They all looked away knowing they were guilty

-"just admit you don't care and leave, go back to having fun with Angelica and leave me again."- I spoke as I simply glared and went to take my box.

Satan grabbed it before I could teach it and so I glared at him before walking over

-"Satan, give that back"-

-"listen, I know we..fucked up, but please give us another chance, we never knew this would happen, please."- I just grabbed the box and pulled it out of his grip.

-"yeah you guys fucked up, but you only care once stuff like this happens, what if you hadn't found the box? I'll tell you what, you would continue treating me like shit until I snapped because the guilt is eating you alive, it's not because you care or because your worried, it's so that you don't have to live with this guilt on your conscience for the rest of the year."- I knew some of what I was saying was a lie.

I could tell in their eyes they were worried and sad, that they were truly sorry.

But I wasn't going to forgive them easily.

Because part of what I said was true, they only cared once it came to this.

-"besides how did you even find the box"- I spoke harshly as I hid it again.

-"Angelica was commenting to us about how she was worried about you"- well that's new

-"and Mammon decided to look around your room too see if he could find something, then he found it..."-

You only scoffed at them before taking your backpack full of your stuff and clothes and leaving the room.

-"Noah! Where are you going?!"- spoke one of the brothers after you.

-"Purgatory hall"- you said bluntly continuing your path.

-"wait! Noah please! Let's talk things out!"- begged beel, being the only one who could keep up with you.

-"what's there to talk about?"- you muttered as you took a sharp turn

-"everything! Just please.."- Beel said as he grabbed your hands and put them to his forehead and he looked at you through tears.

-"Don't leave us..."- as some tears fell from his face

-"I'm sorry beel..but that's not your decision to make."- you pulled away and left the house of lamentation, not to be seen in a good while.

#obey me mc #obey me angst #lucifer obey me #mammon obey me #leviathan obey me #satan obey me #asmodeus obey me #beelzebub obey me #belphegor obey me #fanfic

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aprillikesthings · 2 months

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OKay gotta distract myself from constantly refreshing my fic and staring at numbers, by continuing my spop rewatch

If you're new here: I'm rewatching all of She-Ra for fic writing purposes, and live-blogging it, with too many screenshots. None of this is spoiler-free. I make a lot of jokes and talk about my life and make references to other shit.

Also, I find Catra's villainy to be kinda hot (okay more than just kinda hot)

s4 ep1 the coronation

"April did you rewatch the Portal scene again"

Yes, because that's where I left it paused, mind your own business

OKAY so I remember this from the first time I watched it, like, four years ago--that of all the emotional stuff this show gets 100% correct, I'm not sure Glimmer's grief over her mother is all that accurately portrayed. She just seems to "get over it" too fast?

By which I mean: yes, it's the focus of this episode, but that's basically it.

When my dad died--and keep in mind I'd been no contact for six months, I'd already done most of my grieving for him!--I was so out of it I couldn't even read anything longer than a few paragraphs for multiple months. All my writing basically screeched to a halt. And Glimmer likes her mom!

BUT tbh I keep remembering someone pointing out that each season covers WAY more time than I originally assumed. Because the first time I watched this I assumed we were like, literally a week or two after the events at the end of s3. It's probably closer to several months. And that makes way more sense.

Also who else is confused as to what "princess" and "queen" even mean in this universe, like there are several princesses who are clearly in charge of their kingdoms? is just when their parents DIE that they become queens? if so wtf is wrong with Frosta's parents "lol you're eight now, time for you to be in charge of literally everything, and you'll never see us again"??

okay but literally did they only ask Mermista to do the flowers as a joke bc I am literally sad for her now :(

There she is!!! 😍

Also I read some (old) commentary from Nate about why her hair is flatter this season and nooooooo

oh hey remember that you tied up Adora

okay do you remember this specific time you tied up Adora lolol

"Don't talk about my ex-girlfriend!!! it's a very sensitive topic *sobs*"

Glimmer's coronation robe is so great. I wonder if, like IRL ones, it's made out some insanely hard-to-get fur and weighs approximately five tons.

The line delivery of "BOW! CALM DOWN!" made me laugh so hard I had to play it for other people and then watch it again.

"Power changes people"

Not everyone is like you!!! >:(

(if anything, responsibility is more likely to change Glimmer)

poor bb

it's Entrapta's little naked mole rat robot!! which is also somehow also a squeaky toy??

Scorpia wants SO BAD to find a way to see Catra as not a terrible person

the robot didn't deserve that

"Don't talk about my ex-girlfriend!!! it's a very sensitive topic *sobs*" (pt 2)

Scorpia is such a cinnamon roll

Adora literally only owns like three outfits. And this is her "nice dress."

Bow's dad's!!

Also this is framed so much like a wedding, even the music is wedding-ish

I'M NOT SAYING A DAMN THING ABOUT THIS

A FRIEND

okay maybe not

I'm sticking with my theory that this is several months after the end of s3 which means she's been like this (unable to teleport) for a while

Yeah, people have discussed this a great deal, re: grief: most people want to talk about the people they've lost, if you give them a safe time/place to do it. You don't have to avoid the subject.

;_;

I once again ask myself: where were you keeping the sword this whole time lolol

NICE (Glimmer put the fancy lantern into the little niche for it)

Aziraphale? Is that you?

IT'S SO CUTE

I wonder when Angella recorded this

YEAH!

where did you get the new outfit 2. isn't your other arm cold 3. she's fucking purring

She says this the exact same way she says "Hey, Adora" and I went "EUGGGH" out loud

Some people were like, "oh, her redemption arc in s5 was so rushed" and meanwhile I'm like, "I wish they'd made her deranged and mean a little longer, actually. For Reasons."

Anyway I've run out of images unless I reblog the post, SO: she yanks the little crystal thing Entrapta made out of Hordak's suit so he collapses and then taunts him with the knowledge that Horde Prime is not gonna be happy to find out he can't even subdue the Rebellion, basically puts herself in charge, end of episode

WOOOOO

#april rewatches spop #the coronation

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dribs-and-drabbles · 1 year

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My thoughts on the GMMTV 2023 line-up (from what I can remember and from some dms I shouted to @grapejuicegay last night)

I am SO EXCITED for both projects with Perth. I absolutely love him and Double Savage with Ohm looks incredible (I've been longing for Ohm in something dark) as does Dangerous Romance (how long have we been waiting for Chimon to lead?!). With DS, part of me wonders if they're not biological brothers (it's the use of 'blood brothers'...but I'm probably wrong 🤷🏽‍♀️)

Hidden Agenda looks cute...but quite similar to their last project. I'm a huge fan of Joong but not so much of Dunk. I wish they would have paired Joong with someone else (like Perth I guess! Or maybe Sing -> he's another I want to see lead) and in something meatier. But this one has Aou and Boom as a seemingly established couple 👏🏼

Although an office romance, and with Force and Book whom I think go well together, I'm lukewarm over A Boss and A Babe (especially the title). I'm not a fan of boss/employee relationships. Having said that, I do appreciate that Book's character did address the inappropriateness of that in the trailer.

The way I SCREAMED with Milk and Love in 23.5 (and honestly, I love obscure titles like this). And I doubly love that they subverted the stereotypes a little, having Milk as the shy pursuer and Love as the popular confident one. A+ I'll be vibrating till I see this. Oh and it was the only trailer I watched twice. I think that says a lot.

I think Cooking Crush will be cute. It's nice to see Off and Gun together again, hopefully they will be even more comfortable with each other, and Neo is back to his typical typecast it seems. But I'm happy to see Marc getting a few roles this year. I wonder if the 'twist' is that Off's character is already a brilliant chef...but we'll have to wait and see.

It's nice to see Ohm (shirtless) and Joong in Wednesday Club but I'm not so interested in the storyline. Sorry fellas. Also it's kind of funny that Ohm plays a middle child in two series, this and Double Savage 😄 (at least I think that's what he said in the interview after DS).

Oh it's wonderful to see Jimmy again. I hope he pulls out yet another different character. I felt he did so well with Puen being so different from his performance as Wai, so I'm looking forward to seeing him - and Sea - in Last Twilight. I hope they handle the blindness well...but it's Aof directing...so I want to trust it.

My live reaction to Only Friends: "Wait....Force, Book, First, Khaotung, Marc, AND Neo all in one show?! And they're all fu*king each other?! 😂 YES PLEASE!" Says it all really. And: "JOJO!"

I was happy to finally see Nanon in something...but I'm not sure what to make of The Jungle. I may not watch this one tbh. Actually, if it were the case that the women are getting revenge on these players by getting them all angsty and rejected then maaaaaybe I'd be on board. I want power women 💪🏼

I've already mentioned a little about the Cherry Magic reproduction - I think they should wait for a couple more years. It's too close to Japan releasing the movie. Plus I agree with the majority of others -> Tay and New aren't the right casting for this.

Midnight Museum looks intriguing...I like a bit of paranormal, and I don't know Tor Thanapob so it will be interesting to see what he's like...and I really like Ploy from The Eclipse so I'm excited to see her...but I can't get a sense of the plot from that trailer.

And as for Our Skyy 2...I think these screenshots speak for themselves really:

But in all seriousness, I think these will be cute to go back to...or at least some of them - ATOTS, Bad Buddy, Vice Versa, The Eclipse...even Star in my Mind - but it feels strange getting a special episode for some series that haven't even aired yet - My School President, Never Let Me Go, and A Boss and A Babe. The latter being included in Our Skyy makes me think the ABAAB series will come out early in 2023 and then OS2 will come out later...but who can say.

And as for those I haven't mentioned...I'm not really interested, so I'll not waste your time.

The things I'm sad we didn't get include:

Neo as a lead in something serious

AJ in a lead role finally (I think he would be GREAT with Ploy in a het if he didn't want to do ql)

Joong given something serious/heavy

Sing in something meaty, angsty, soul-destroying

Drake to be given something more prominent

More women. Just MOAR

and my very favourite wish...for the actor who played Pran's dad, A Passin, to be in a ql with someone of a similar age (or younger, I'm not fussy...not really)...I mean, the man has to get his tattoos on display somehow 🤷🏽‍♀️ I could see him as a school teacher or librarian, subverting the school setting by focusing on the adults for once...

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liminalweirdo · 7 months

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hot take but you can't be anti-censorship while at the same time trying to eradicate harry potter books.

- no this doesn't mean support jkr - no this doesn't mean put more money in her pocket - no this doesn't mean run out and buy the books and read them to the nearest child - no this doesn't mean put your hogwarts house in your bio or consume new hp content or buy hp merch or go to hp land or whatever it's called - no don't participate in weird fucking "icebreakers" that make you pick your hp house (or your meyers-briggs type for that matter)

but like. there's immense historical importance in what fans and fanfiction did with the harry potter during the decade it was being released. this history is especially important to queer people and a not insignificant number of trans people.

i'm not saying the books are good, i'm not saying they're not racist, antisemitic, homophobic or transphobic, and i'm not saying jkr deserves sympathy. she does not.

but books that are not what we consider "correct" or pc in contemporary society should not be excluded from history. books should not be rewritten to be more politically correct (this is actually happening like wtf). this is not how history or progress works. it's just purity culture at work. it's performative activism. and you know what? it's easy.

and like, unfortunately hp has become a symbol of hatred, but you can't erase the queer history of hp fandom. it's not about the books, it's not about jkr or her little children's story, it's about the queer community that was created around hp. for some of us, in the fucking 90s and early 2000s, this was one of the safest queer spaces online. we sure to fuck weren't accessing that safety at home or in school.

if you hate hp, you're allowed to hate it. if you loved it once, you're not somehow bad because of it. as for me — a trans person who loved and needed the queer community surrounding hp when i was a kid — i can hardly even look at the books anymore without feeling sick, but i refuse to erase what fandom did. how fans who were largely queer, trans, Jewish, Black, or any of the other marginalized groups that jkr shits on — we made it something else.

it was never about jkr, hp was queered by queer people in the 90s and 2000s. in some small way, it stopped being jkrs.

there's a difference between participating in hp fandom and supporting jkr and her beliefs. yes the line is sometimes blurry, yes we would all prefer it not be, but unfortunately life is not like that. there is nuance to pretty much everything. tbh this just feels like one more thing dividing our community. we're splitting hairs when there are bigger issues to correct.

and yes i am very aware that jkr is a threat to trans people right now. yes i know jkr is an ableist, gross pos who trying to take my rights away, too, because i'm an autistic person who would like to be able to access gender affirming surgery and HRT one day, and she thinks that autistic people can't and shouldn't make decisions for themselves. yes she is dangerous, yes she has significant sway, but she is still not the biggest threat right now.

also, this is not how things created twenty years ago work. they do not somehow keep themselves up to date. it's not okay now, and it was not okay then, but reading hp in the 90s and early 2000s did not convert the majority of us into terrible people in the same way reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory doesn't make children racist.

honestly, if hating hp is the best way you can think of to support trans people in your life idk, i'd rather you did something that actually had real world effects right now.

write to your reps, protest, educate, start petitions, help your friends, fundraise, keep us housed, protect our right to gender affirming care. our lives and our autonomy are at stake right now. i don't really fucking care how someone feels about the harry potter books.

#liminal scrawlings #sbp was huge and it was literally written by two queer jewish people #literally some of best fucking fandom writers were mostly Black #it wasn't a bunch of white upper middle class karens reading and creating the fanon back then

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vaguely-smart · 2 years

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A very subjective ranking of the Superman and Lois characters

Love

Jonathan Kent

Ok I love this child so much. He's the epitome of gifted kid burnout and I relate to him to an unhealthy amount. I hope the writers give him more plot in season three and that they actually follow through on the storylines they write for him. Jon deserves to be treated better by the showrunners and most of the characters. He either need to get in a better place or just, like, spiral downwards and become a villain and/or just leave his family for a solo story (preferably either in a Disney sitcom with Jon-El or in a vampire hunting/befriending adventure) 10/10 Good Boy

Natalie Irons

Nat is a very close second to Jon in my opinion. She's just so nice. Her vibes are immaculate and I would want to be her friend. Her story is so interesting and I hope next season focuses more on the Irons rather than the Cushings. I love that they actually show her being smart and how they give her autonomy (unlike Jon). Her (and her dad's) hero moments feel the most earned to me and I would watch an entire show where they were the main characters. 10/10 good vibes

John Henry Irons

I'm sad to say this but I think John Henry Irons is probably the only actually good parent in this show, named after two parents. He actually talks things out with his daughter and treats her like a capable person?!? What a shocker. I gotta say, whenever he was fighting Clark in the first season I was rooting for him. All I can ask is that they stop hospitalising him, considering he's going to be working against intergang, hopefully he won't get sidelined into the ER next season. 10/10 best parent

Jon-El

I debated whether or not to put Jon-El higher than John Henry Irons. I think I like Jon-El more but in a more detached, point and scream "boyyyyyy" way than any actual feelings. He is great, though, and I'm pissed he didn't make it into the finale. He better be back next season. He doesn't get super developed but he's definitely a dramatic gay theatre kid with daddy issues. I am here for it and I will not hear otherwise. I just want the writers to give him screen time, therapy and a boyfriend tbh. In the words of Luz Noceda he is a "bad but sad boy" 10/10 dramatic disaster gay

Tah-Rho

I was indifferent/bored with him in season 1 but I'm season 2 I live for him. He's literally just vibing. He just wants a family. I just want to watch whatever random shenanigans he gets up to instead of helping the main story. He's just the weird uncle. I want to know what goes on in his head. He's so fun to watch. 10/10 chaotic bastard neutral

Denise Olowe

I have nothing against Denise. She seems like a chill person. She'll probably end up dating Jon and I wouldn't be opposed to it (she'd definitely be the best he's had). I'd totally be down to see her get more character development down the line. Like if they want to have a 'civilian' storyline, I'd much rather follow her family than whatever we're meant to call Sarah's disaster of a family. 10/10 seems nice

Kyle Cushing

Kyle gets an unnecessary amount of hate. Cheating is usually one of the only unredeemable actions in my eyes that good characters can take because it is just a wholly selfish action but I'm willing to give Kyle a chance. Sure he did cheat but it was in his bad phase when he was also being a bad parent and (possibly?) an alcoholic. He stopped of his own volition, though, and worked on himself to make sure that he could be a good father and husband. As far as I'm concerned the only thing he should really be trashed for is not telling his wife. I genuinely don't think the Kyle we see in season 2 is the same person who had an affair. Another thing is you can see how much Kyle genuinely loves his family. He's so supportive of both Sarah and Lana and he is their number one supporter. I honestly think he's the second best parent in the show. Sure he's an absolute idiot in some of the things he does and says but he is trying to work on himself and he just constantly gets sh*t on. (I do think a lot of this is tied to the fact that Eric Valdez plays home really well) 10/10 he's trying

Jordan Kent

I don't have that much to say about Jordan. He's chill for the most part. I want him to succeed and be happy and stuff. Sometimes his vibes are off and vaguely serial killery but for the most part I like him. 10/10 I like him

Mitch Anderson

It's fun to watch him suffer. I live for whenever his bad decisions decide to come back to bite him. It's just so fun to watch. I did feel really bad for him in episode 10, though. It broke me when he and Jordan-El were trying to talk about Bizarro Superman. I really wish he didn't die in that episode. I would have preferred it if he died in the final battle with Ally. It just felt anti-climactic, how it played out. I literally didn't even realise he died. 10/10 should have died in episode 15

Indifferent

Sam Lane

I don't know what to say here. He's there. He does stuff. It is interesting how he sometimes switches between a minorly antagonistic role and a protagonistic one. I don't have any strong feelings about him except that he should have been a better dad. 10/10 he sure was there, wasn't he?

Lois-El

She's there. She doesn't really get much screen time. I really felt for her when she was leaving Kal, though. 10/10 girlboss?

Lois Lane

Pretty similar to her dad, honestly. Seriously though it really feels like she drops the ball with Jon so much (not as much as Clark, though). I have faith that her character could be good if she wrote her well, so I more hate the execution rather than the actual character, if that makes sense. I hope they do her better next season 10/10 could have potential if literally anyone else wrote for her

Jor-El

He's there. He looks sad. 10/10 he needs a hug

Kal-El

I'm sympathetic towards him but also it pains me to watch his scenes. Like stoooopp you pain me. 10/10 second hand embarrassment

Chrissy Beppo

People rag on her too much. Like sure, she definitely is annoying and feels too entitled about information but put yourself in her shoes. Her idol just came in and bought half of her newspaper so now they are co-owners but Lois doesn't treat her like an equal and she definitely is keeping a tonne of secrets. From the audience's perspective Lois's actions are understandable but Chrissy has every right to be pissed at Lois, especially since their profession is all about telling the truth and journalistic integrity. Of course she doesn't want to be lied to. 10/10 annoying but not wrong

Dislike

Sarah Cortez

I'm a lot more forgiving of Sarah because she's an actual teenager and at least she told Jordan basically straight away that she kissed Aubry (though it shouldn't have happened in the first place). The whole trying to make Jordan and Aubrey friends thing is kind of strange but I can see where Sarah's coming from. Aubrey can relate to what she's going through, which she feels like she can't really talk to Jordan about because as far as she knows his home life is pretty great. There's also the fact that Jordan in no way expressed how upset he actually was about the kiss to Sarah's face. It's easy to say that Sarah literally thought Jordan wasn't too hurt. I know at least with my friends when we were 14/15 a bunch of people had dated or confessed crushes on other people and we were still all friends. You can totally be friends with people you've had/have romantic feelings for and Sarah might have been thinking along those lines. All in all, some of Sarah's actions are rude/annoying but she seems like she's trying but is just finding a little hard to see things from Jordan's perspective because she's so caught up in her own drama (which I might add, a lot of which has been publicised to the entire town) 10/10 will probably be better once she knows the secret and grows up a little

Clark Kent

Clark, what are you even doing?!?! Whatever it is, it pains me! He's just so dense. And blind (you sure you don't actually need real glasses, my dude?) He just is just such a bad parent to Jon. Can we please go back to season 1 writing for him? Please?!?! Hopefully the showrunners look at people's reactions to Clark and do something about it!!! 10/10 do better you idiot!

Candice Pergande

I dislike every one of her scenes except for the last one. When she goes to talk to Lois and Sam she does actually look remorseful and like she is trying. It feels like we were meant to see more scenes of her like that but they were cut or something. Obviously she should have taken accountability but she's doing it for her father so she's not doing it from a strictly selfish standpoint and it's very easy to see how she might feel stuck and scared in this position. She feels like she could have potential and I hope if she is kept around (unlike Teagan) that the writers will expand more on her character and actually make her likeable. 10/10 let's hear her out

Hate

Lana Lang

I don't even know what to say about Lana. I feel like most of it has already been said by other people. She's just so insufferable and rude all the time. She's so entitled and I hate how she reacted to Clark's secret, especially by being mad at everyone except for Clark. Like b*tch just shut up!!! Please! I get Lana's under a lot of pressure but it's so obvious that she doesn't care about her behaviour and neither do the writers. It's so annoying. I hope she gets sidelined so much more next season 10/10 please, either get a reality check or just leave

Lucy Lane

She's just annoying and is given too many chances. How come Lucy who was the right hand man for a litteral world ending cult gets forgiveness easier than Jon who took drugs like three times. 10/10 shouldn't she be behind bars or something?

George Dean

I couldn't decide whether to put him or Ally at the bottom. He is intentionally insufferable and, I gotta say, the writers finally succeeded at something. He's so smug and annoying and I can't stand him! 10/10 of course he's in politics

Ally Allston

Booooooooo. Not that intimidating. Really annoying. I hate how she talks. I hope she doesn't return and just stays in prison for the rest of her life (this goes for both of them) 10/10 I hate her (squared)

Best Boiiii

Timmy Ryan

"Even Chads deserve character development"

"And love"

10/10 deserves an enemies to lovers arc

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iced-coffeebean · 1 year

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Ooh no worries, I gotcha

So, What exactly caused him to be a Kaiser of Darkness? 👁👁

I'm not gonna lie, I have it somewhere in one of my chats but I can't find it right.

I told a break from YGO in like November?? And I've been snorting lines of Hetalia (again) till like a week or so ago? Now I'm in both fandoms at the same time.

So I might have forgotten or I might fuck up the details but this is what I remember:

(Sorry for any and all grammar or spelling errors 😭😭)

Season 4, you have Trueman/Mr. T. He wants an easy way out. Rather than personally going after Jaden himself, he thinks he should instead send one of the strongest duelists in the Academy after him to make things easier if possible.

Zane was the king of all these peeps and his deck was incredibly difficult for people like Jaden to even beat considering he tied with him. Since Zane handed down the Cyber deck to Syrus, he decided to target Syrus.

Syrus... Poor poor little Syrus.

HIS WEAKNESS TBH IS HIS LOYALTY TO PEOPLE. IF HE CARES ABOUT YOU, HE IS WILLING TO DIE FOR YOU.

He's trying so hard to reconnect with Zane that he's willing to do anything to make sure he's safe and okay. Trueman and Darkness take note of this and decide that if he does what they say, they will make sure nothing happens to him. But he if he says no, they would do something to him.

So, he joins their side and is pit against Jaden. And they especially find this wonderful since Jaden and Syrus are like VERY CLOSE FRIENDS. Like LITERALLY THEY JUST HAD THEIR MOMENT IN PRIOR EPISODES (The whole pep talk yk before the Makoto duel)

So they find this GREAT because Jaden would NEVER hurt a friend, let alone someone as close to him as Syrus is. And it would be kind of painful for him cause he practically helped shape Syrus into the person he is, so seeing him stray into a different path like this would make him LOSE HIS SHIT.

In this AU, rather than Sorona, taking out the other students and sending them to that one hell hole (you know what I mean, the place where they were all living their personal hells and stuff), it's Syrus

I'm also basing this off a mostly dub/not original translation, where in the all the dubs (basically any lang vers of the show that isn't the OG Japanese version) you have Season 3 going on. Dark World stuff. Syrus is like dreaming in that cave and shit. Jaden in the dream says something along the lines of "If something happened to you, I'd probably act out even WORSE-" (referencing to Jesse getting taken away and becoming evil)

So I'd think when they met up in Season 4 in this AU, Syrus would be like "You said you'd do ANYTHING to make sure nothing happens to me. Is that true?"

So during Season 4, yk where Jesse and Jaden duel Yusuke?

Think of them having a moment like that. Or a duel like that. That would be like the ULTIMATE moment.

SOMETHING LIKE THAT

I SWEAR THIS MAKES SENSE TO ME I SWEAR

I'd imagine that if Syrus hesitates to do the orders he's told to do, he gets like nightmares or mental thought flashes (?) about bad things happening to Zane, to make sure he doesn't flake out.

IM SO SORRY IF THIS DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE I SWEAR IT DOES TO ME 😭😭😭

#syrus truesdale #yugioh gx #marufuji shou #shou marufuji #iced_coffeearts #kaiser of darkness au #coffee rambles about syrus #coffee rambles about syrus for the 420th time today #coffee back at it again with their au shenanigans #coffee rambles about stuff

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liz-and-the-blue-bird · 1 year

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Good evening to me

As is tradition for these long personal posts, I am currently moving. Look at my cleaned up desk set up:

Here's a song.

My job suddenly let me go a couple weeks ago. I'm not worried, but... well I'm starting to get worried. I was initially feeling ok, because I actually had an interview lined up for the week following, but that fell through too now so I'm just very nervous.

So I've been saddled with a lot of time to think now. And it's all been bad. I'm basically stuck again. I've moved back with my parents for the time being and it stinks. They haven't been berating me or anything (though I'm sure it will come soon enough), but I just feel so... trapped. I feel like I'm stuck in a time loop, cursed to never escape or... well, to be honest, develop a real relationship.

I'm strongly reminded of my time stuck at my parent's home immediately after I first graduated college. While I had been broken up with the ex for about two years or so by then, it still was grating on me subconsciously, I know because my default state is very extroverted and during maybe the 2-3 years after her, I was very soft spoken and introverted. I didn't reach out to people that much. It felt like I was trying to remember who I was for a little bit, after dedicating a little too much to someone else. Then I felt extra useless because I just couldn't get a job for the life of me, maybe for like 4 months if I remember correctly.

Those were really rough months, as I tried to find meaning in what I was doing.

Well, I feel like I'm in that spot again. Broke up with the same girl. Then sent to live with the parents in the same old room that is now accruing mess because I'm just not a very well kept guy.

I'm really scared right now.

And I've let my mind just wander back to the ex. The problem with this room is I have 2 strong memories of it: 1) being stuck here, not able to find a job and 2) watching the ex sleep in my bed, a little bit sick, waiting for her to wake up so that I can make us dinner. So I start wondering if should contact her, because I feel so much like I'm running out of time. I'm getting too old, or something.

I'm scared I'm gonna be alone forever, or, if I do fall in love again, fall in love in a way that I find disappointing or settle or whatever.

So I start wondering if I should contact her. It's not even just I want to talk to her again about stuff that only we could talk about (as I stated before, she occupied this specific intersection of people that I just don't have anywhere else), I actively just... want that type of relationship connection again.

Then my mind races through whether she would even want to date me again.

Then my mind races through the complexities of dating her again, what friends I'd need to inform, which friends I'd actively keep in the dark because they would reject her and fight me about it, probably for my own good tbh.

Then my mind races through the complexities of, well, dating someone who my brain can't even trust anymore.

My mom isn't helping. If you may remember, after the previous break up, she briefly mentioned "what if you do end up together." I thought that would be the end of it, but recently we were talking about the people in my ex's town having to forget about me for a second time. Then my mom said "hopefully for the last time, but ya know, your dad was saying- oop." and then she changed the topic.

I wonder if I still sound happy when talking about my ex. Because maybe my parents are still wondering if I'm going to forgive her and go back to her. It's been already 3 months after a 5 month long relationship and here I still am.

It's all a mess and then I realize that I really shouldn't contact her or try to even initiate this conversation because it wouldn't work out for one reason or another and then I get trapped in the feeling of being scared and alone forever again.

And I tried to cry today.

I tried. With tears and everything. It didn't really work. I can't really cry unless I'm with someone I'm very comfortable with after telling them what happened. So... The last time I cried with tears was January 28th, in my ex's arms. The first and last time I cried with her. And also the first time I cried with tears since... hm. There was a moment in 2018 where I really broke down and cried in my room. But.. yea. That's it.

See, the thing is, I know I will be ok alone. I know I'll find my own peace and my own happiness being alone. I watched my uncle do it before he passed away. I've watched family friends do it. Hell, I thought I was aromatic until I re-met the ex.

But that's the rub, isn't it? I thought I was aromatic.

After dating her again, I realize that I very very very very clearly am not.

There's a degree of personal happiness that I can't access alone. If my personal happiness goes from 1/10 (deciding if life is worth living) to 10/10 (on a date with a girl who I know likes me), then the degrees of happiness 9/10 and 10/10 are locked unless I'm with someone. I haven't felt 9/10 or 10/10 without dating someone. And I had forgotten this was all the case until I dated her again. When I was alone those 8 years, I thought my 8/10 happy moments was as good as it was gonna get.

It wasn't.

And now I'm scared I'll never be able to reach that degree of happiness again.

Because, you see, I've been looking around. I've been talking to people, trying to find someone new. I've hit some sparks, I can feel some girls liking me. But I don't think I like them the same way I liked the ex.

With the ex, I was ecstatic about her in every way. I wanted to talk about her to everyone I knew. She was 3 hours away, and that 3 hour drive to her house was the greatest amount of anticipation I ever felt. It was exhilarating. Every time.

I still remember the first time I saw her again, she just walked out the door, jumped, surprised because I spooked her from the corner, then she charged and hugged me. And I felt 10/10. I felt 11/10. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.

This isn't a hyperbole.

But I don't know if I'll reach this with someone else.

Maybe I just haven't found the one yet. But I'm scared I'll run out of time. There some part of me that just wants my future wife to be someone I've known for a very long time. I kinda don't want someone new, I want someone I'm familiar with. Someone nostalgic.

I think I'm just imposing what my ex and I had onto future girls, which is causing me to not accept different kinds of interactions with them. But I really don't know how else to describe it other than they don't make me as excited. I'm not getting that spark. I don't get it. I just.. don't understand. I guess I'm just not over her yet.

And then the final bit is that an old boss of mine contacted me. I think I might take his job, but it's taking a bit longer for it to materialize. However, this job is in small town, Louisiana. The same small town that killed my romanticism 5-ish years ago.

It's a really really good opportunity. It would literally triple-quadruple my previous wage, and, I was not being paid minimum wage or anything. And he says eventually I'd be transferred to New Orleans, so at least I know I wouldn't be trapped in small town, USA.

I'm just.. scared I'll be alone forever.

So I'm trying to decide if I should text her again.

And I really, really shouldn't.

But... maybe.

ah I don't know anymore

#to me #anyway it's 2 am and i have a flight later so good night

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disneyprincessdxminatrix · 1 year

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Tag Game To Better Know You! Send this to people you’d like to know better!

I am so, so late.. I live in shame but hey I'm finally doing this! Thank you @kitaychan @astrophilic-soul @germanyskrazythiccass for the tag (2 of them on my other blog but I'll do this here) and for being patient with me <2

What book are you currently reading?

Der Hund, der unterwegs zu einem Stern war. It's the first book of Henning Mankell's Joel series and I highly recommed the books because I love reading them, especially now during the cold months

What’s your favourite movie you saw in theatres this year?

I loved Batman, but so many people are saying Batman so I'm going with Bullet Train. It was hilarious, I love this kind of funny, stupid, violent movies.

What do you usually wear?

Skinny jeans (low rise), t-shirt, + when it's colder a sweater on top or a long sleeved shirt underneath, trainers (British Knights "rocco" to be specific), hair tied up in a messy bun or ponytail depending on how long it is.

How tall are you?

Like 1,70m I think??

What’s your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

Pisces. Not a birthday, but Terry Pratchett died on my birthday in 2015 apparently?

Do you go by your name or a nick-name?

Riva is a name I made up and only use online, but I also go by Nat or Natalya online which is a nickname.

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

No, because when I was a child I didn't know the job I'm doing now exitst. Other than that I remember doing a workshop at school when I was like 17 where we should write something we want to be in 5 years on a piece of paper and everyone wrote about their jobs and I wrote "I want to be happy" and I have achieved that.

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

I am! Have been for more than 6 years now, can you believe? I do still have crushes too though.

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?

I'm very good at poaching eggs. I'm bad at making phone calls.

Dogs or cats?

Cats all the way :)

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?

I still love this part from the work I wrote for the heta dark collection:

His blood ran cold when Mathias realised what he had just done and what it meant.

I won’t make it through the night.

The thought brought him a peace he would never admit he felt, but still his face contorted as tears dropped from his eyelashes and sobs rippled through his body. He was frightened, but not because he was going to die. Dying was okay.

Dying was peace.

No, Mathias was frightened because he was going to die alone.

What’s something you would like to create content for?

I'd already be happy to finish some of my wips and get over myself and post them so that's my new years resolution too.

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

I'm still a little obsessed with Cyberpunk tbh. I ate up the game like starving man (because it was the perfect game for me to play) and loved the anime too (because omg trigger I'm on my knees). That and baking my own bread is still going strong!

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

I was very excited for all the conventions that finally happened again this year, but somehow... idk I'm not sure how to describe it. I had fun when I was there but I was exhausted after the first two I went to and then before the next one I just had no motivation. It's just not the same anymore. Maybe I need to convince more of my rl friends to cosplay with me so I have more will to work on things and be excited for them again.

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

I can overanalyse every piece of modern music by the standards of classical music because that was drilled into my brain. Idk if that counts as a talent? It's fun to do though.

Are you religious?

I'm sorry, but I've been in a religious crisis for months and at the moment I do not know how to answer this.

What’s something you wish to have at this moment?

I'm a little hungry so something warm to eat for supper (that I do not have to cook myself) would be nice. And maybe some hot chocolate and a warm bath. Yeah that would be good.

I feel like most people have already been tagged in this but if you guys want to and/or haven't been tagged before: @breitzbachbea @pastelsugar6w6 @irisoflunadreams @kittspirals

#tag game #about me #as I said no pressure to do this but I have to admit it was interesting for me to think about myself in this way.

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