#and squeeze as much dopamine as we can out of it
Text
ateez as pirates who fall for you (hyung line)
read maknae line here
genre: pirate!ateez x gn!reader (fem!reader for hongjoong), fluff, angst, crack, and as always - a brainrot of every pirate trope to exist
length: 10.4k
c/w: heavy and mature themes - mdni, explicit language (swearing, insults), death, violence, blood & injuries, weapons, illegal acts (piracy, ransoming, verbal abuse, abduction), alcohol, pet names
a/n: maknae line will come yes but who knows when 🤷♀️ work has been really testing my dopamine vibes this year 😔👎 thank you @sorryimananti-romantic for keeping a detailed hitlist for me ♡
hongjoong
pov: you're a royal princess rescued by him
“captain, are you sure we can’t toss her overboard?”
jongho and hongjoong watch as wooyoung’s face falls after you pointedly ignore his attempts to make conversation once again
for someone who is technically their guest aboard the arriba, it seems as though you are hellbent on being as difficult as you can be
“unfortunately, we can’t,” hongjoong grouches to the younger, “not unless we want to exchange our payment for a hefty bounty on our own heads”
when jongho sighs, the captain squeezes his shoulder in comfort and adds on, “trust me, i’ve thought about it too”
hongjoong and his crew are privateers - pirates in theory, but technically excused so long as they have their letter of marque to state that they are authorised to attack other vessels
rescuing a royal princess was never explicitly part of the contract, although he thinks that not rescuing you would have pretty much been equivalent to a blatant show of insubordination
you had been taken ransom by one of the merchant ships the arriba had been plundering
needless to say, they had been close to tossing you overboard too; your kingdom had never paid for your ransom
the lack of response from your parents wasn’t anything you weren’t expecting but it’s a sore spot nonetheless
so it’s certainly hard for you to play friendly when you’re quite literally shucked off from stranger to stranger faster than a hot potato
san tugs wooyoung closer towards him and gently says to you, “he’s just trying to be nice - we all are”
the movement doesn’t go unnoticed by you
“i don’t need your pity,” you answer, the only sentence you have spoken today
you’ve lived two decades of your life pretending you don’t see the pitying gazes of your maids and butlers
you certainly don’t need pity from these people - pirates no less
“it’s not-” wooyoung starts to say
but the captain steps in before he can defend himself
“if this is how you’re always acting, i’m starting to see why your kingdom never paid for your ransom”
had hongjoong been less preoccupied by your words, he would have realised that your tone is candid, as if it is only natural for the people around you to pity you
but he’s clouded with his mindset as captain, unable to stand by idly while his own crew put up with your attitude, and so the words come out anyway - shards of shrapnel that bury themselves into your heart
there is only a fleeting second when your eyes dilate with hurt
you conceal it immediately, replacing it with a steely gaze, yet the image has already seared itself into hongjoong’s mind
“maybe you should throw me overboard, then,” you counter, “i’m sure my family will thank you for it”
and even if you have completely neutralised your expression, no one misses the wounded tone of your voice before you disappear down into the lower deck
mingi lets out a low whistle after the resounding slam of the hatch closing
“you fucked up, captain”
hongjoong doesn’t need anyone to spell it out for him
the heavy feeling in his stomach is telling enough
it isn’t until the moon has long since risen that you emerge through the hatch again
you had bypassed the sleeping quarters to the hold, wedging yourself between barrels of grain until you were sure no one would find you
not that they would have tried to anyway - seonghwa had told them all to give you some space
you had run your finger up and down the sides of the barrels repetitively for hours on end, mind simultaneously void and filled with thoughts
the walls you had built around yourself kept you safe, but it had started to become awfully lonely after a while
when it had become a little too suffocating in the hold and you guessed that most of the crew was asleep, you had softly padded back up the stairs and across the main deck
you now sit on the foredeck where the endless expanse of the sea stretches out in front of you, closing your eyes and letting the swaying of the ship lull you into tranquillity
tonight, the moon winks down fondly upon the waters
hongjoong watches you from the quarterdeck
he’s seen you sit at the front of the ship on many nights when you should really have been asleep
he wonders if you’ve always looked so small and fragile with your knees drawn up to your chest, or whether it’s because the flash of hurt in your eyes and voice is still fresh in his mind
“go, captain,” yunho murmurs from where he’s at the helm, “it’s a quiet night”
hongjoong startles at having been caught gazing, clearing his throat and dragging his eyes away
“why should i, if she’s just going to ignore me?” he scoffs
but he knows he’s just being petty at this point and his chest churns in agreement
“maybe,” yunho hums softly in response. “did seonghwa ever give up on you, though?”
it’s rhetorical - hongjoong knows the answer better than anyone
the captain doesn’t say anything but after several beats of silence, he sighs and makes a move to the foredeck where you are
yunho smiles to himself
you and hongjoong may be more similar than his captain realises
your shoulders stiffen when the sound of hongjoong’s footsteps approaches
you’re not sure what to expect and you don’t exactly want to find out and risk getting hurt
but having spent all day swimming alone in your thoughts, you do want to show that you feel apologetic because admittedly, you were being an ass too
getting up to walk away when he’s taken the first step certainly won’t help your case
you hold your breath in awkward silence as he settles down beside you, leaving a respectable distance between your hunched figures
only now is hongjoong realising that he hasn’t actually thought about or decided on what he wants to say to you
but he can feel the confusion rolling off of you in waves, so he grits his teeth and says fuck it
“i won’t apologise for defending my crew, but i’m sorry for how i did it and for what i said”
he hopes you know he is sincere when he continues, “we all have our prickly edges. i can’t fault you for yours”
compassion is a foreign concept to you and so you’re a little stumped for words
hongjoong isn’t sure whether your silence is a good or bad thing, but you have yet to stand up and walk away from the conversation
“there’s only about a week left until we reach port and we’ll leave after you make it back to your kingdom and we receive our payment. i’m not asking for you to be friendly, but let’s at least be civil with each other until then,” he says
you want to nod, agree, anything
and yet you can’t seem to make your head move or the words to come out of your mouth
rome was not built in a day. but neither did its walls fall in a day
hongjoong doesn’t push for an answer when instead, you ask, “how many people have you actually tossed overboard before?”
he resists the urge to laugh at your question, suddenly endeared by the fact that you’re still bothered by his very empty threat
“none, but my offer still stands. you’re welcome to be my first,” he deadpans
you let out a snort and although you quickly turn your head away, hongjoong sees the hint of amusement in your eyes
no further words are exchanged between the two of you and you do not acknowledge him when he eventually stands to rejoin yunho at the helm
but it’s a start
and as with any relationship, be it friend, foe, or lover, there is always that
a beginning.
hongjoong isn’t really expecting much to change immediately so he doesn’t pay you much mind when you walk into the mess hall the following morning
you hesitate at the entrance when you see most of the crew are already present, the conversation you had with hongjoong last night replaying at the forefront of your mind
you chew on the inside of your mouth
wooyoung stops mid-conversation at the scrape of a plate on the table, looking up to find you sliding into the seat beside him with a tight-lipped smile
to your surprise, he greets you with enthusiasm and immediately drags you into the conversation
hongjoong watches as you slowly warm up and add one or two comments of your own in between bites of your hardtack
and when he catches your gaze after staring for too long, he gives you a smile to convey his appreciation; to acknowledge your efforts
you return it with a small smile of your own and unbeknownst to you, it stays on your face for the rest of the day
slowly, there become more and more reasons that elicit a smile out of you
you still sit out on the foredeck when everyone else has gone to sleep, but on most nights, hongjoong will join you even if just for a while
the two of you are content to sit side by side with nothing but the steady pulse of the ocean and intermittent creaks of the ship’s hull to break the silence of the night
tonight though, you find curiosity burning through you
“what’s it like?” you ask
“being a pirate?” he clarifies
you shrug vaguely, unsure yourself either, “being a pirate. being at sea. sailing with your crew”
he takes a moment to gather his thoughts - not because he doesn’t know what to say, but because there is too much he wants to say
when hongjoong answers, his voice rumbles softly from within his chest, tender and heartfelt
“there’s a sense of freedom that you can’t obtain when you’re bound to land and society. sailing the waters, the only limits are those of the open seas and of your own compass… the sunrises, the storms, the moonlight - it all becomes part of your home”
hongjoong leans back to rest on the palms of his hands, tilting his gaze up towards the twinkling sky
he reflects, “you experience brotherhood and gain a family that is worth multitudes more than the treasures you can accumulate, even if you were to live as a pirate for several lifetimes”
you’re enraptured by his words, like poetry that swirls off the pages of a book and drifts into your very soul
“i may be the captain of this crew, but they make me who i am. without them, i am nothing”
his words wash over you and unearth vivid memories
“that’s what the queen always says to me,” you reveal
a small smile starts to grace hongjoong’s face, but it falls just as quickly when he hears your next words
“that without her - without her title - i am nothing”
it’s funny, how the same phrase can hold such different meanings; can evoke such different emotions
you don’t elaborate any further, but hongjoong doesn’t think he needs you to in order for him to understand
he just wishes he had more time to show you that your mother is wrong
he can’t though
tomorrow they reach port and you will return to your rightful place in the palace
“tell me more about your crew,” you attempt to change the topic, “how did you all find each other?”
so hongjoong tells you
he talks for hours and hours and you listen all the while with a heavy heart, clinging onto his every word
on your final night, you two stay like that until the stars disappear and the horizon becomes streaked with the pale hues of sunrise
after the ship docks mere hours later, only hongjoong accompanies you to your kingdom after goodbyes are exchanged
wooyoung doesn’t take it well, and you find yourself holding back tears of your own as you are let through the palace doors with the captain by your side
but you blink them away when you approach the throne room because vulnerability is not an emotion you are willing to display
“y/n”
the queen addresses you curtly when you enter, and hongjoong wonders for a split second whether he has brought you back to the wrong kingdom
he knows your mother does not treat you fondly, but it’s still staggering to see it before his very own eyes
the monarch glances distastefully over him before her eyes flicker back to you
“i did not expect your return,” she states
your eyes remain impassive as you merely answer, “neither am i delighted to be back”
hongjoong recognises this look
he’s seen it when you first boarded his ship; he’s seen it when your hackles were raised
he’s seen it in himself, when he had been a teenager filled with nothing but growing resentment, before he had met seonghwa
your mother sneers, “then you should have made yourself useful and stayed with the pirates. as a whore or a dog, whatever it took.”
hongjoong has understood you since learning of your demons, but right now, he is you
he sees fifteen-year-old kim hongjoong, standing before a couple who are his parents only by title
he sees fifteen-year-old kim hongjoong, who doesn’t know what he has done that deems him undeserving of love
he sees fifteen-year-old kim hongjoong, all alone with no one to take his hand
“or really, you should have died on the ship”
hongjoong is close enough to you to hear the small hitch in your breath at your mother’s final jab
he may not have had someone to save his younger self, but he can do that now
he can be the person he so desperately needed years ago
and so he does just that.
hongjoong grabs your hand and drags you out of the palace
no one stops the two of you from leaving and he is unsure whether his heart hurts for you or sings with relief
you can only stutter in shock as you try to keep up, “hongjoong, what about your payment?”
his determined steps do not slow down, even as he looks back at you with a sure smile, “i told you before. some things are worth more than money”
the comforting squeeze of his hand conveys that you are worth more than any amount of money
the form of the arriba grows bigger in the distance and you think you can see the movement of excitement on deck when the crew spots your figures
hongjoong has slowed down his steps, but he has yet to let go of your hand
“and you deserve to know that. welcome to the crew, y/n”
to a family and love that you never had
you think you like the sound of that
“thank you, captain”
seonghwa
pov: you're a royal navy officer in disguise
you lay awake in your hammock, listening to the soft snores of the crew members around you
sleep doesn’t come easy to you anymore
particularly tonight
you contemplate whether it’s worth the risk to simply not show up
you know what the consequences are if they capture you - a slow and painful death - but you’re unsure whether you want to put ateez on the line too
your ship is currently docked for the night, having made a port stop at alcarres following one of the crew’s wishes to retire the pirate lifestyle and settle in the small town
their last night with ateez had been celebrated with sloshing rum and rowdy jigs, something you had found strange
there’s none of that in the royal navy
when one leaves, it is shameful and through one of three options only; old age, crippling injury, or…death
you had asked seonghwa, the quartermaster, why he and the captain were so accepting when crew members left as they wished
he had simply smiled and answered, “better a small but loyal crew than a large and unpredictable crew”
his words are like a sharp stone in your shoe as you finally slip out of your hammock and make your way off the ship
as ordered, you head to the tavern addressed
you salute the person in front of you and ease into your seat with a formality only when he disregards you
“admiral jang”
“you’re late,” the royal navy officer raises an eyebrow
“sorry, sir. i had to make sure everyone was asleep”
it’s not exactly the truth, but no one needs to know that you had spent an hour in your hammock questioning your morality
he ignores your excuse, jesting as he asks of your captain, “has the pirate king found the chart’s whereabouts yet?”
the charts
centuries ago, a crew of experienced sailors had travelled the six great seas and created the original navigational charts
the charts had become scattered and lost over time, but its value only increased exponentially as more and more sailors became victims to the sea trying to map its waters to the same detail and accuracy as the original charts
of the six originals, only the whereabouts of five are known, with most of them within the possession of the royal navy
it’s rumoured that hongjoong - the pirate king - has his hands on two of them and is currently tracking down the lost chart of the aurorian sea
the only sea that has yet to be chartered after its original map due to its dangerous and unpredictable sailing conditions
you know that your next words can hold an inexplicable amount of possibilities
“not yet. the last lead didn’t get him anywhere. turned out the last of the ahn clan had passed a decade ago”
his lips flatten at the lack of worthwhile information
“where’s the captain headed to next, then?” he probes
for a split second, the thought of lying crosses your mind
you can’t provide a different location - it would be much too obvious and would raise immediate suspicions
but you could give him a different time frame
after all, it’s not uncommon for navigational routes to be one to two weeks off should the waters be unpredictable enough
you find the truth spilling out of you anyway once you’re looking into his stone-cold eyes
“vlasgar. in about three weeks’ time”
for a moment, time stands still as your heart pounds and you attempt to slow your breathing, the officer staring back at you calculatingly
then he finally hums in satisfaction
you think that he is going to dismiss you, but as you make a move to leave, he leans back in his seat
the split second of hesitation was enough
“remember where your loyalty lies, y/n”
the air feels cold with the underlying threat
seonghwa’s words flit through your mind
better a small but loyal crew than a large and unpredictable crew
you swallow, “of course, admiral”
and then you’re dismissed with a nod
the unsettling feeling follows you all the way back to the ship and every miniscule creak of the floorboards underneath you seems to be amplified in the silence
you let out a short gasp of surprise when you’re about to climb back into your hammock, only to see seonghwa blinking blearily at you
“couldn’t sleep ‘gain?” he mumbles
you choke out a response, “yeah”
“i’ll make you tea b’fore you sleep ‘morrow,” his words slur with sleepiness
“okay,” you whisper
but you know it won’t make a difference
after all, there’s no remedy for guilt
it continues to fester the next day, as you linger outside the captain’s quarters
you can’t remember why you had come down to the lower deck, but it doesn’t matter now, not with seonghwa and the captain discussing what you think is related to the aurorian chart
“do you think he’s still in vlasgar?”
“min taesoo? it’s hard to say. but i’m sure he’ll have acquaintances still on the island who may have an idea of where he’s gone”
min taesoo
your brain tries to carefully file the name away, knowing that it’s what admiral jang would want to know, but at the same time, your heart tries to pretend it doesn’t know what you have heard so that you can forget about it
you find yourself scratching the name onto a scrap of paper anyway
unbeknownst to you, at the almost-imperceivable sound of your footsteps walking away, the two men behind the doors share a look
the crew sets sail again in the afternoon towards the next destination - vlasgar - and the scrap of paper in your pocket weighs you down so heavily that you feel off-kilter as you absentmindedly follow jongho up into the rigging to unfurl the sails
you’re near the top of the ropes when a sudden wave lurches the boat to starboard
it’s only a small push, really, but with your mind elsewhere, it catches you off guard and you miss your next step
the feeling of your hand dislodging from the sudden drag of your body weight brings you back to the present with a yell of surprise
(whether it’s your own or jongho’s, you can’t remember)
your sailing experience takes over and you try to swing your body back towards the safety of the rigging
you barely manage to grasp the ropes again but your hands slip down with your weight until they hit the next knot, the hot rush of friction threatening your grip
with adrenaline rushing through your body, you shakily climb back down, where there are several pairs of hands waiting to help you down the rest of the rigging
seonghwa’s hands do not leave you even after your feet are planted on the deck again
dread and shame heat the back of your neck and curl around onto your cheeks, knowing that a mistake like the one you had just made - accidental or not - would lead to a punishment like confinement in the lower deck back in the royal navy
except, when an apology starts to form on your lips, seonghwa bursts out in dismay
“y/n, your hands!”
you let out an unintelligible noise as seonghwa gently turns your palms over and you realise that the ropes have grazed some of the skin off
“it’s fine,” you want to say
but you’re silenced when he leads you to the small sick bay on the orlop deck
even if there is no surgeon on board, there is a small chest fastened to the wall that is home to their few and valuable medical supplies
you sit as he fusses over you with alcohol and strips of cloth
although he does a good job of wrapping your hands, your insides start to bleed with how intensely guilt eats away at you, like a maggot deep inside the core of a festering apple
that night as you shuffle towards your hammock to sleep, you flinch when you find seonghwa already sitting in his
he’s fighting the heaviness in his eyes as he carefully cradles something
upon seeing you, he wordlessly hands it to you with a sleepy smile before he finally sags into his own hammock with a content sigh
you look down and the warmth of it seems to burn through the padded dressing that the man before you has tenderly wrapped around your palms
the sensation travels upwards to burn your heart too
because in your hands is a cup of warm chamomile tea
and yet, despite the emptied cup, you find yourself unable to fall asleep
but in the darkness of the sky, with no witnesses other than the waves and sea foam themselves, a small piece of crumpled paper gets tossed overboard that night
the closer their ship approaches vlasgar, the more distant seonghwa notices you become
he worries
seonghwa thinks he worries for the reasons that he should be
he is the quartermaster; entrusted to protect the crew as the captain’s right-hand man
if that means ensuring no one will compromise the rest of his crew, even if it’s you, then so be it
that’s what he justifies to himself as he walks through the cobbled streets of vlasgar, slinking through the shadows as he follows your figure from a safe distance
(in reality, seonghwa worries for the reasons that he is not quite ready to admit yet)
he follows you into the dim bar of a tavern and carefully situates himself where he can watch over you without being discovered
he orders a mug of common ale as you approach someone
the man is dressed in civilian attire, but seonghwa can tell straight away from his demeanour and expression that he is not as ordinary as he appears
it’s confirmed when he hears you say, “admiral jang”
and then he sees it
the small but striking lapel pin on the breast of the man’s coat - the royal navy’s insignia
seonghwa feels for the sash that’s hidden underneath his own jacket and his fingertips meet the cool metal of the pistol tied inside
“you better have updates for me, y/n. what’s the pirate king’s purpose here in vlasgar?”
seonghwa knows he only has about five seconds to make a decision - one that could jeopardise the crew, or one that could jeopardise you
but you surprise yourself and the both of them when you answer steadfastly, “i don’t know, sir”
despite the din of drunker patrons in the tavern, it seems to fall deathly silent
“am i hearing wrong, officer?” the admiral questions with a disbelieving scoff
to your credit, your voice does not waver when you state again, “no, sir. i believe the captain and quartermaster are lying low. they have not revealed anything to me nor the rest of the crew”
seonghwa suddenly understands why you have distanced yourself
the admiral’s jaw tics
“is that so.”
you do not respond, only focusing on the spot between his raised eyebrows as he leans forward across the table
“where does your loyalty lie, y/n?”
neither the admiral nor seonghwa need to hear your answer to know the truth
a small crew may be outnumbered, but they have strength in loyalty and devotion
there’s a glint of movement from underneath the table as the admiral inches something out from his belt
seonghwa makes his decision
you flinch, eyes wide as there’s a deafening gunshot and the table beside you splinters and scatters the tankards of alcohol onto the floor
instantaneously, chaos erupts
there are drunken yells of fright and weapons clumsily brandished, tables upturned and chairs hurled across the room
it only takes one other misfired shot for the tavern to descend into hellfire as customers who were previously drinking together now turn on one another
nobody notices the two pirates dashing out, not even admiral jang, who is busy wrangling two inebriated men off his arms
your composure dissolves the moment you are dragged into an alleyway several streets away and you look up in shock to discover-
“seonghwa?! why are you here?”
“i could say the same about you,” he counters, hardly out of breath
you’re stunned by the fact that he seems completely unfazed by the mess that he has just dragged you out of
something clicks
“was that you? did you know all along?”
seonghwa smiles, “let’s just say you’re not as subtle as you think you are when you sneak around. plus, it’s uncommon for sailors to have the experience that you do without having had some sort of training”
you curse under your breath and wince, “does hongjoong know too?”
the quartermaster nods and you fear the answer to your next question
“then why has he not…why have you not…”
“killed you yet?” seonghwa chuckles. “i’m sure you’ve realised by now how skewed the royal navy’s beliefs are”
you’re quiet
the royal navy has always been cult-like in preaching the ruthlessness and barbarism of pirates, drilling into the officers the belief that pirates are the scum of the sea
but everything that you’ve known has been proven false since you’ve joined ateez; ironically, the pirates are more humane than the royal navy themself
their crew stand at attention whenever hongjoong or seonghwa walk onto the deck - not out of cultivated fear but genuine respect
when jongho is sore and tired from handling the riggings on a particularly rough and windy day, the others will offer to cover for his chores instead of flogging him into submission
and when mingi is divvying up the shares of the provisions and loot, the others will slip an extra bar of soap for seonghwa, the shiniest ring for mingi, or the largest bottle of rum for yunho, because they want to make each other happy
“hongjoong is the pirate king, yes, but a king should not take the lives of others for his own power. a true king uses his power to change the lives of others for the better…like yours…and like mine”
you frown with a jerk of your head
“what do you mean?”
you can’t see seonghwa as a broken man whatsoever
he gives you a weak smile, “i, too, used to be part of the royal navy”
your jaw drops
everything clicks into place - how he had figured out you weren’t just a common sailor and why he hadn’t confronted you about it
the shame and guilt come rushing back over you in a storm that is much too familiar by now
“i’m so sorry, all i’ve done is betray your trust-”
“but that’s what second chances are for, no?” seonghwa cuts you off, playfully flicking your forehead as he reminds you, “and i’m pretty sure you’ve chosen me over the royal navy”
your cheeks grow hot
“not you. the crew,” you mutter
he laughs and it’s a wonderful sound
“come on, it’s late,” seonghwa beckons. “let’s get some sleep”
when he sees that you’re still rooted to the spot, unsure whether you are deserving to go back, he decides for you and moves behind you to gently nudge you forward by the shoulders
you let him guide you
his hands are warm, you note, even through the linen of your shirt
his hands are also pretty, you observe, when he tries to fluff your hammock once you two have crept your way back to the berth
seonghwa helps you up into the hammock and you watch as he climbs into his
his hands are also teeming with love, you realise, when he wordlessly extends his arm nearest to you in a silent invitation
if you both reach out, you can just entwine your hands together from your respective hammocks
the burns on your palms have healed nicely and without the need for them to be wrapped, you can feel every expanse of his hand covering yours
he doesn’t retract his hand and neither do you, even though it’s not the most comfortable position and you both lose feeling of your arms soon after
but you lay in your hammock, drifting to the soft snores of the crew members around you and the soft tug of seonghwa’s fingers in yours
sleep comes easy to you
particularly tonight
as it will for the rest of your life
yunho
pov: you're the crew's navigator
you know it’s going to happen even before it actually does
you can feel it in the air and from the way the baby hairs around your hairline start to frizz
but you never say anything because you wouldn’t trade it for the moment when the first raindrop hits the back of yunho’s neck and he abandons his duty at the helm to drag you out onto the upper deck
(hongjoong only sighs in defeat before he stations himself at the helm instead)
you don’t like the rain
not like yunho does
you are already looking up from the map spread out in the captain’s quarters, a knowing smile on your face just from the sound of his bounding footsteps alerting you of his presence, when yunho appears with the beckon of rain
you pretend to let yourself be dragged to your feet along to his urges of come on!
but then you dash forward towards the hatch with yunho chasing after your bright laughter
in the short span of time that it has taken him to fetch you, the sprinkle of rain has steadily grown and the weathered planks of the deck are already a dark grey
you feel the coldness of the raindrops hitting the crown of your head and the spreading chill as your clothes start to become damp
but that’s not what makes you feel alive
yunho catches up to you easily and then he is snaking his arms around your waist to lift you up into the air
you barely have time to squeal and steady yourself on his broad shoulders before he is spinning the two of you around, the world blurring away as the spotlight shines on him and he is all that you can see
the deck is your stage and the sea is your audience
rain with yunho is twirling hugs, tiptoed kisses and tinkling laughter. it’s soaked shirts and rosy cheeks and the only thing that matters in the moment
you don’t like the rain, but it’s easy to like the rain when it’s with him
(hongjoong lets the two of you be - so obviously and hopelessly enamoured by each other - because when one sees people in love, one cannot help but watch and smile)
the rain eventually peters out and you and yunho must return to your respective duties, but not until you two have changed out of your drenched clothes and sneaked in a few more kisses
a few hours later, you hear the racket above the deck as a ship pulls up beside the arriba and ropes are thrown across from both sides to lash the vessels close together
hongjoong comes down to join you in his quarters, but he’s not alone
behind him is the captain of the silver light, dae jihoo, and his quartermaster, with seonghwa entering last
you note that this crew doesn’t have a navigator of their own
but you suppose that’s one of the reasons why their captain had implored an alliance for this particular raid
the crew of the silver light are wanting to target the prosperity triangle - an area between three large ports that is frequently trafficked by wealthy vessels transporting valuable goods
it’s a raid that would prove difficult for a smaller pirate crew like your own and the silver light, and especially if they have no navigator
but it’s not uncommon for pirates to form temporary alliances for such purposes, and together, your crews have a good chance of plundering a fortune
you nod your head in acknowledgement when hongjoong introduces you to the two pirates as ateez’s navigator
you don’t miss the way jihoo’s eyes seem to linger on you for a second too long before he flashes a crooked grin and gestures towards the navigational map spread out on the oak table
clearing your throat of discomfort, you step forward and flatten the creases out with your hands
“this is the most open spot within the triangle that the vessel we’re after will pass through,” you tap an annotated spot on the chart, “and this is where we are now”
you slide your finger across, “we’ll follow the rhumb line west to avoid the shallower waters and when we can catch the trade winds, it should be smooth sailing from there”
jihoo challenges you, “how can you be sure we’ll catch the ship within the triangle?”
“they’ll need to sail past the equator and i’m almost certain their ship will be slowed down by the doldrums. we can easily gain knots on them”
he squints at the scribbles you’ve made noting down what you’ve gathered of the wind patterns
you know for a fact that it will mean nothing to him, but whatever he sees must satisfy him because jihoo appears to make up his mind
“when do we set sail?” he directs his question to your captain
“three days from now”
he grunts a noise of affirmation and stands, which hongjoong takes as the cue to see them and the rest of their crew off your ship
you trail behind the group as you all head back to the upper deck
you prepare to emerge from the hatch with a playful wink, knowing that yunho will be craning his neck from the helm to get a glimpse of you, when a sudden holler surprises you out of your thoughts
it’s immediately met with the answering cries of several other pirates - none from your crew - and you hurry to clear the hatch to gain your bearings
you’re thrust right into the throes of battle as ateez are forced to unsheathe their cutlasses to defend against silver light’s sudden attack
having been caught off guard, basically none of your firearms are loaded with gunpowder, rendering them unusable
you will have to make do with the short sabre at your waist
there’s no time to account for the whereabouts and safety of your crew members and you just have to pray that you all make it out of this unscathed
especially yunho
but as ateez retaliate, you all notice something is off about the situation
your crew is very quickly overpowering the other pirates - it was a losing fight for them from the very beginning
it makes no sense to you nor the rest of your crew
the losses of breaking the alliance before the planned raid, much less through betrayal, far outweigh any gains they could possibly make from their choice of action
it makes absolutely no sense
until it does.
you are blocking the swing of a sabre with your own when you are tugged backwards harshly by the collar of your shirt
there’s an angry snarl in your throat as you prepare to turn around, but it’s quickly silenced by the warning shot of a pistol right beside your ear
the cold ring of metal is then pressed to the back of your head
you know that firearms require time to reload and there’s a chance that this pistol is now useless
but, like wooyoung has taught the rest of the crew to do, they may have pre-prepared several pistols and you are not willing to play with fire - especially when you are only the flex of a finger away from death
you vaguely hear someone yell out your name in panic, but you’re not quite sure you hear correctly over the clamour of cutlasses clashing, warcries resounding and your own heartbeat pounding
“stand down or your navigator dies,” the voice behind you thunders
it’s jihoo…and he wants a navigator for his crew
“ateez,” one of your men commands, “lower your weapons”
your crew may make decisions fairly, but in battle, only hongjoong has the power to make commands
yunho has never spoken against his captain or disobeyed orders
until now
the words do not come out of your captain’s mouth but yunho’s
the rest of the members hesitate - they will not stand down unless hongjoong commands them to, yet, they are unsure whether they will be able to follow should he demand them to fight on, even if it means endangering your life
but there is no guarantee jihoo will let your crew go unharmed even after you all surrender, and as the captain, hongjoong must make decisions in the best interest for the crew
“captain!” yunho yells desperately
yunho never yells
“stand down,” hongjoong commands
silver light’s captain steps in closer behind you until you can hear and feel the noise of intriguement that leaves his mouth down the back of your neck
“that your loverboy, hmm?”
he smirks
there’s a false moment of primal relief when the press of the pistol is removed from the back of your head, but it is immediately replaced with fear that is irrevocably worse as he aims it in yunho’s direction and shoots
“no!”
you shriek and pull against the tug of his hold, still fisted around your collar, your pupils blown wide with terror at the sight of the clean hole in the mast right beside yunho’s head
“it’ll be pretty boy’s head next if you don’t come with me,” jihoo coos into your ear
the fight slips out of you immediately
because if you can save him, a life for a life, then you will
even if the sight of mingi holding yunho back from lunging forward when the pistol’s barrel returns to your head makes your heart clench painfully
“y/n, don’t you dare,” yunho pleads, voice filled with anguish
you’re barely given enough time to lock eyes with him and say resolutely, “remember what you said to me,” before you are tugged away to the boarding plank
ateez can only watch helplessly as the planks are removed from over the bulwarks and the last of the ropes are untied, releasing the silver light from their ship for good
jihoo tugs you down the hatch as the ship starts to pull away, and just like that, you’re gone from their sights
“fuck!” yunho shouts furiously, unable to contain his emotions as he turns around and connects his fist with the mast
right where the musket ball had made a hole
his hand pulls away with bloodied knuckles from the splintered wood and the sheer force of his punch
a concerned whine leaves seonghwa’s mouth and he tries to approach the taller, but yunho shakes him off and looks determinedly at hongjoong
“we’re sailing to the banver isle just east of the triangle. we’ll ambush them there”
seonghwa looks between the two, hope flickering in his chest at the potential plan, “you think the silver light are stupid enough to try taking on the prosperity triangle alone?”
yunho chuckles darkly, “they were fucking shitbrained enough to take y/n, so yes”
nobody disagrees and hongjoong smirks dangerously
“ateez, ready the sails for banver isle,” he commands. “prepare for battle”
because not only have the silver light taken you away from ateez, but they have also annihilated the light from yunho’s eyes
gone are his warm brown orbs - they are now black holes thirsty for retribution
there will be lives to pay and even that will not be enough for the void
unaware of what your crew is capable of, jihoo looks down at you with a triumphant leer
“you’ll navigate us to the triangle in three days’ time. don’t even think about lying - you’ve already shown me where the location is”
with an even nod you reply, “of course”
it’s true though - you have absolutely no intention of navigating them somewhere else
because you know yunho will be waiting there for you
amidst chaste kisses exchanged between plush lips cold from the rain, yunho tells you in a brief moment of seriousness
“don’t show them where the real location is,” his breath is warm across your cheeks. “you know the coastal island roughly ten nautical miles away? show them that instead”
you tilt your head to look up at him, “you think they’ll betray us?”
“no,” he reassures you with a deeper, slower kiss, “but we can never be too safe”
and even if your vessels miss each other this time, you have complete faith that yunho will sail to the very ends of the world just to find you
two days before the originally-planned raid, the arriba sails as closely to banver isle as possible without risking running aground
yunho has navigated the ship around the back of the isle so that the form of the rocky terrain conceals them from sight
once the anchor is lowered, the crew members use every ticking moment to make preparations
swords are sharpened and firearms cleaned
mingi distributes the gunpowder and ammunition, which is pre-loaded into muskets, pistols and swivel cannons ready to be engaged
the ship’s sails and riggings are checked and yeosang keeps a keen lookout in the crow’s nest
and it’s as if the world itself can sense the brewing storm that grows inside yunho
the sea is eerily still and silent, but the sky is an omen to something impending, its rolling clouds dark and angry with the threat of rain leering over the waters
yunho doesn’t actually like the rain
he only likes it because it’s with you
rain with you is barefoot dancing, breathless confessions and bashful giggles. it’s drenched locks and fluttering eyelashes and the only thing that exists in the moment
but as the profile of the silver light finally approaches the isle two days later, the heavens split open and you are not by his side
rain without you is falling pinpricks, frigid winds and flaunting mockery and yunho despises it with his entire being
at yeosang’s call of, “vessel approaching from starboard,” up in the lookout, yunho smothers the fervid desire to barrage the other ship with cannonballs like hail from hell; to unleash an inferno that blazes through their hull as he sadistically watches the crew jump for their lives
he stamps out the hunger to shoot the ones that make it into the sea, not to kill, only to maim and induce a long, painful struggle in the open waters until death becomes inevitable - until there is enough blood spilt that it becomes the only stench in the air that stretches across for miles
yunho leashes his monsters with an iron fist
because he will not do anything that could even remotely endanger your life
even if it means that he has to hold back - to sit and wait like prey instead of advancing on the other ship like a predator
at least not yet.
silver light do not know, but this is the calm before the storm
the heavens may be crying, the winds may be howling and the waters may be roiling
but this is nothing compared to yunho
yunho is a tempest of unparalleled rage and their ship is in the eye of his storm
as the bowsprit of the silver light starts to appear around the isle, the members ready their grappling hooks and yunho draws his cutlass with a menacing whisper of unsheathing metal
you are his treasure, and pirates never lose sight of their treasure
today…you return to him
yeosang
pov: you're a tavern keeper
watching the ale reach the brim of the tankard you are holding, you’re about to step away from the barrel when the voice of a patron sounds behind you
“‘scuse me, could i get a mint-”
you look up and turn around in confusion as their voice cuts off
only to have the question taken right from the tip of your own tongue as you’re met with the face of the person you had loved for years
the same person you have spent twice as long trying to forget
eyes searching each other’s in a surprised stupor, seeing kang yeosang standing right in front of you takes you back to those memories that you have tried to remember and simultaneously bury
it thrusts you headfirst into what used to be of your shared love - like the feathery remnants of a dream, so distant from the fingers of your consciousness, suddenly returning to vivid existence when you least expect it
“hey, mint leaf. i’m back”
yeosang at least has the perceptiveness to appear a little apologetic, immediately pulling you into a hug and pressing soft kisses against your hairline uncaring of the other people in the tavern
it’s been several weeks since you last saw him, and whilst he had warned you he would be gone for longer this time, you hadn’t expected it to mean two whole months
he’s a small merchant who also fishes along the coast to earn enough to make ends meets, so he’s often gone for a few days or a week or two
you knew what you were in for when you first made it official with him, but just because you become accustomed to something, doesn’t mean it gets any easier
and he’s never been gone for this long
something must have happened - something good - because he looks alive, cheeks glowing and eyes fiery
“i met the crew”
“the crew?” you ask, hands reaching for the bourbon to prepare him a drink as he lets himself behind the counter to stand beside you in your workspace
he nods excitedly, "wooyoung’s pirate crew, ateez"
you think you know where this is going to go and you hate that your stomach sinks at the thought of what your future may become, because yeosang looks so happy to tell you about this and a happy yeosang is all that you could ask for
“the captain offered me a position as their lookout”
you pick out your next words carefully as you hand him his finished drink - a mint julep with two sugar cubes, just the way he likes it
"aren't…isn't being a pirate dangerous?"
“not as dangerous as you might think, actually. they’ve been showing me the ropes the last couple of weeks and…and i think i want to join them. officially”
there it is
the forked end of the road
you wonder how far two people can keep walking with their hands intertwined before the distance becomes too great and they have to let go
his words become a little muddled when he goes on to tell you about how they divvied up their recent loot to include his share too
how he’s gained more money than he’s made from the last two years of working as a merchant and fisherman combined
if he joins his old friend and his crew, he could earn enough to buy his parents a proper house; earn enough to build you your very own tavern
you want to tell him that you don’t need the tavern, just him, but you also know just how important his family is to him
his filial desire to take care of his parents was one of the very reasons you fell in love with him in the first place
before you can say anything though, the tavern keeper is interrupting to let you know that your shift is over
yeosang immediately perks up and herds you out of the place, claiming that there is a new fishing spot he discovered that he has to show you
and so you sit while he rows his modest boat, only the splash of his oars disturbing the peaceful stillness that has settled over the waters as the sun dips below the horizon
the waning light casts a soft, warm glow over him, like a gentle kiss against his skin and birthmark
if angels graced the earth, there would be one sitting right in front of you
“i missed you, mint leaf,” he confesses, gaze shyly averted. “i thought about you when i was gone”
“did you think about showing me this place?” you feel a little breathless
he nods, “every single night”
and that’s enough for you
it feels like everything is okay again
it doesn’t matter if you’re standing at a forked road
you think that perhaps, for him, you can walk on an unpaved path - just so that you can keep holding his hand
“y/n”
yeosang’s voice is deep
the word sounds foreign to your own ears but you don’t dwell on it
(because if you do, you’ll wonder whether it’s because you’ve forgotten the sound of his voice or because you want to hear him calling you something else)
“what would you like to order?” you ask
(because it’s easier to pretend that he’s just another patron than to admit that he used to be all that you ever knew)
yeosang fumbles a little but then regains himself, “oh, um- just a mint julep, please”
you turn your back to him to prepare his drink, hands reaching for the barrels lined along the bottom shelves without needing to look
you’ve made this drink too many times to count
half of those times were in the safety of the darkness that midnight offered; when the tears could flow freely without anyone seeing
it’s only when you start to mix his cocktail that yeosang realises he didn’t ask for his sugar cubes, but he figures the drink will taste bitter tonight either way so he opts to watch you instead
he wishes that he could walk past the counter like he used to and wrap his arms around you
he wishes that he could whisper endearments into your ears and press them against your lips
he wishes that he could show you that he still loves you
“do you still love me?” your voice wavers with hurt as you stand in front of him
he’s finally back after being gone for four months this time and you hate this conversation as much as he does, but it was bound to happen eventually
yeosang pleads, “more than anything”
“then why does it hurt so much? loving you…and being loved by you”
he doesn’t have an answer
but god be damned if he doesn’t try to find a way to fix things
“tell me, mint leaf, what can i do?”
you blink back your tears furiously, having already made up your mind while he was still at sea
“let’s break up”
because in the end, unpaved paths have too many rocks, too many thorns and too many arched roots; they were never meant to be walked along
you pass yeosang his finished drink without another word and then move further down the counter to serve a different customer
his eyes linger on you wistfully before he tears them away from you
it’s a good thing his hair has grown long enough to cover his face when he looks down
because his eyes start to grow wet at the sight of the mint julep you have made him
with two sugar cubes in it, just the way he likes it
perhaps, once you’ve loved somebody, you never really stop loving them
yeosang shows up again the next day and seats himself at the bar
you don’t serve him though, actively avoiding his end of the counter and letting another of your staff tend to him
he orders his usual but he leaves out his request for additional sugar cubes
it feels wrong for him to order it from someone that isn’t you
but you’re watching out of the corner of your eye as the worker mixes the bourbon, sugar and water, topping it with a few mint leaves and then sliding it across the counter for him
you let out a little sigh, half amused, when he takes a small sip and smacks his lips together at the bitterness
you take two sugar cubes and drop it unceremoniously into his pewter cup before you realise what you’re doing
yeosang immediately seizes the opportunity to talk to you
“my crew’s docked for the fortnight…” he waits to see if you’ll respond. you don’t, but you also don’t move away, so he continues. “we’re making some repairs to the hull and sails before our next raid”
you have half a mind to walk away after you reply, “i didn’t ask”
he forges on regardless
“we’re going to work with another crew for this one. it’s going to increase our chances of a successful raid because-”
your voice comes out a little harsher than you mean for it to when you hiss again, “i didn’t ask”
yeosang’s mouth closes as he pulls away slightly, back straightening
then he says in a softer voice, “i’ve been doing well. wooyoung still takes care of me, even though i’m not new to the crew anymore. i also saw my parents today and they’re happily retired now…”
you don’t stop him from talking this time
because how many sleepless nights have you spent sitting outside your tavern looking up at the stars; how many times have you served a mint julep to a patron and accidentally added sugar cubes; how many moments have you been consumed by the thought of him, simply wondering if he is living well?
this is everything that you have ever wanted - yeosang in the flesh letting you know that, yes, he has been well
but it is also everything that you have ever feared - that he has been well even without you
you don’t know what to feel
“my parents asked about you,” he says gingerly. “how have you been?”
his voice is barely audible, as if he is afraid of what you might say
or perhaps, afraid that you might not say anything at all
“good. excellent,” you force a small smile, your eyes still focused on the mint leaves floating in his drink. you don’t think you can look at him. “i own this place now”
his body loses its tension, cheeks rounding as he looks at you with genuine relief
“that’s…that’s really good to hear”
his words sting
you are unsure if it stings your ego or if it picks at the wound in the shape of the person you have lost
but it hurts to know that he has worried over you in the exact same way you have over him, the whole time you two have been apart
you’re suddenly overwhelmed by the realisation and hot tears well in your eyes almost immediately
your bottom lip starts to crumple so you rush into the back room to escape
“y/n!” yeosang calls out after you, alarmed
when you don’t stop, disappearing into the storage, he jolts up from his seat and follows
your body shudders with every heaving breath you take, unable to stop yourself from crying even harder when you feel him tug you into his chest
you try to pull away but his sturdy arms tighten around you
yeosang refuses to let you go once more
“i hate you,” you sob, struggling against his hold as you hit his chest weakly
he hushes comforts against the crown of your head, soothing noises as he endures your fists
“you have every reason to”
yeosang holds back tears of his own
he feels your body gradually losing its fight, sinking into his embrace instead, hands desperately holding him close
your voice is so impossibly small when you tearfully confess, “but i still love you”
“oh, mint leaf,” he brushes the stray locks of hair away from your face and cradles your jaw tenderly, “i still love you, too”
he presses a soft kiss against your forehead, pulling away once only to reaffirm, “so, so much”
when he kisses you again, his lips taste salty against your own, but nothing has ever tasted sweeter than this
your breath no longer stutters but the tears continue to run down your face because your heart finally feels right after all these years apart
and yet-
you pull away
“we can’t do this”
yeosang feels his heart shattering
“why not? i don’t understand,” he whimpers
“you know why,” you say distressingly, “my life is here, yeosang. i can’t just leave and return whenever i want. but you, on the other hand? you can. you go where your crew goes - you belong with them”
“but my heart belongs to you. please, y/n,” he begs
his arms are still wrapped around you and you feel his desperation as his fingers cling onto you like a lifeline
you look earnestly into his bloodshot eyes, your own vision blurry, “yeo, you’re not the one who gets left behind here. you’re not the one who waits weeks, months, years on end, just hoping that the next person to walk in is the person that you want to see”
he wants to plead that he waits to see you, too, but he knows that he’s the one who leaves, too
“you’re the right one for me - the only one for me - but it’s not the right time,” you tell him gently
slowly, his arms lower themselves from around you
“it wasn’t the right time then and it isn’t the right time now,” he repeats, “then when is the right time for us?”
you shoot the question right back at him, “when is the right time for someone whose life is to sail the world?”
neither of you know the answer
nobody does, because loving a pirate has no certainties
but yeosang doesn’t give up
“if we can’t ever be sure, why don’t we just make it the right time ourselves?”
you caress his cheek sweetly, and despite having stepped away from you earlier, he leans into your hand, starved of your loving touch and affection
“yeosang…what if we’ve already had it? what if…meeting each other was already it? what if we’re just meant to love from a distance, not side by side?” your voice is poignant but resolute
he brings up a hand to cover yours, still warm and tender against his wet cheek
how is it that he can be touching you yet simultaneously feel worlds apart from you
“okay,” he accepts with a whisper
if loving you silently is the only way he gets to love you, then he will choose it in a heartbeat over losing you entirely
he thumbs away the remainder of your tears
“can i kiss you? one last time?” he asks
you nod
“one last time”
your lips slowly meet, slotting together as they find their home in each other’s dips and curves
his hands cradle the small of your back and neck and your own hands rest against his chest
the kiss you share is steady, longing and bittersweet
it conveys everything that you want to say to each other, and even then, it is hardly enough
thank you
i’m sorry
i love you
goodbye…
you can feel your eyes burning up again, but you focus on the feeling of yeosang’s lips against yours instead
because you know that the moment one of you pulls away, that is it forever
in the world of love, there are people who are ill-fated
they meet the right person, but at the wrong time
and then there are people like you and yeosang
not ill-fated, but star-crossed lovers
the right person…
but just not meant to be
#loren writes#ateez fics#ateez fic#ateez x reader#hongjoong x reader#hongjoong scenarios#seonghwa x reader#seonghwa scenarios#yunho x reader#yunho scenarios#yeosang x reader#yeosang scenarios#ateez ot8 x reader#ateez fluff#ateez angst#ateez scenarios#ateez imagines#ateez headcanons#ateez au#pirate ateez#pirate!ateez#pirateez#ateez crack
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Hi Mae!! I saw that you were interested in writing for spencer and I’d love to request something for him! Maybe something with bau!reader and spencer have been secretly dating and he slips in front of the team and calls her a pet name or something and the team is just like :o bc they didn’t think spencer would have it in him to go after her!
Yes he's my babygirl! Thanks so much for requesting sweetheart <3
Spencer Reid x bau!reader ♡ 533 words
There’s a little extra bounce in your step as you come through the doors this morning, your ponytail swinging behind you and a giant tupperware container in your hands.
“Good morning,” Morgan says, interest piqued. “What’ve you got there?”
You beam. Spencer’s day is instantly better. “Cupcakes!” You set the container down on the table, removing the lid. “I made chocolate and strawberry.”
Garcia squeals, lunging for them. “I’ve told you you’re my favorite, right? Because you are.”
Morgan turns to her with an indignant look, but Garcia only takes a bite of her strawberry cupcake, holding it up as if to say What do you want me to do?
You’re practically glowing, your smile bashful but poorly contained as a faint flush spreads across your face. You look adorable, so clearly elated at brightening everyone’s morning, and Spencer can’t help but smile with you. He reaches into the container.
“Hey,” he says, “why are only some of the chocolate ones frosted?”
Your blush worsens. “Oh, um. I know you don’t like frosting, and chocolate’s usually your favorite, so…”
An invisible hand grips his heart and squeezes. Or no, he knows what this is. His hypothalamus is releasing dopamine, causing his blood vessels to constrict. It’s improving his focus and spiking his blood pressure, and making him feel all warm and happy. It’s probably also why he wants to hug you so badly.
“It is. Thanks, honey,” he says, nearly breathless.
Your eyes widen, and though your smile doesn’t go away, it becomes tinged by shyness. “Spence,” you whisper, but it’s only when Emily clears her throat that he realizes what he’s done.
He turns, unfrosted chocolate cupcake in hand, to find Garcia gaping at him and Morgan and JJ looking like he’s just made their day. Hotch and Rossi, of course, appear completely unphased.
“Well look at you, pretty boy.” Morgan grins approvingly, eyebrows raised. “I didn’t think you had it in you. How long has this been going on?”
Garcia makes a flustered squawking sound. “I’m sorry, you knew?” She slaps Morgan’s arm. “How could you not tell me?”
“I didn’t know for sure, shortcake,” Morgan replies placatingly. “Honestly, I didn’t think Reid would ever work up the guts to go after her.”
“Hey,” Spencer says, and he sees you giving Morgan a chastising look in his periphery. Never mind that you’d asked him out. You’d only beat him to it.
“It’s only been a couple of weeks,” you say, answering Morgan’s first question and pointedly declining to comment on the rest.
“I can’t believe it!” Garcia gushes, fanning her hands about her face. “Look at you lovebirds, all blushy! You’re so cute together.”
JJ smiles, grabbing a strawberry cupcake and holding it up like she’s toasting with it. “Congratulations, you two.”
“If you’re all done gossiping,” Rossi says, and you’re already moving for your seat, chastised and eager to vacate the center of attention, “can we start?”
JJ rolls her eyes, going to the front of the room and turning on the screen. Spencer takes a seat beside you, knee bumping into yours amicably. You okay? Your hand finds his under the table, intertwining your fingers and squeezing gently. Perfectly.
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x self insert#dr spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds fandom#bau!reader#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds fic
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Place Hands Here
Suguru Geto
originally posted on AO3! :) this was sugu's birthday fic :3
fem reader, established relationship, vaginal sex, some dry humping, choking (geto), riding, referenced cannabis use
3.5k
MDNI
“Thank you, baby,” Geto says with so much fondness in his voice as he rests his hand on your thigh and gives it an ample squeeze. The size of his hands never fails to amaze you, palms splaying and engulfing the thickness of your thighs with no issue; veins on his hands serving as a roadmap to the most handsome face you’ve ever seen.
It’s been a little over a year since you started dating, but his velvety voice still warms your chest nearly every time he speaks. It provides the same comfort as a blanket knitted with ounces and ounces of love; every stitch curated to provide your brain with a rush of dopamine. Gentle, yet every bit commanding and domineering. He can make a king hand over their throne to him with just a few words without even trying, you’re pretty sure.
“I had a great time,” he adds on, pressing a soft kiss to the temple of your forehead.
“You better have.” Resting your hand over his, your thumb brushes against the skin on the top of his palm. His skin is always smoother than yours, soft and supple like clouds floating through the bluest of skies. Every gentle graze of yours still manages to send a jolt down his spine. “Or else I would have cried.”
“Can’t have that, can we?” His soft chuckle fills the space in the back of the Uber you two are in.
City lights illuminate the night as a comfortable silence falls over the two of you, soft patter of rain against the window mixed with the crooning of Radiohead filling the space. A sigh of content leaves your lips as your head rests on his shoulders, heavy from all the events of the day.
It’s been a great day—a long, but great day.
Time wanes, only about an hour remaining in the momentous day that is Geto’s birthday.
He’s a simple man, never asking for much and always appreciating what is given to him. It’s one of the things you love about him, but it also drives you up a wall. He knows this, always teasing you that there’s no reason to stress yourself out regarding his general satisfaction with however the day is celebrated. With you, anything is ideal.
Even if that means telling you again and again that there’s no need to worry about things being perfect when you’re already by his side. Still, his heart thumps knowing every little thing you do is with his joy in mind.
Like starting the day with a perfectly rolled joint and taking him to one of his favorite diners for breakfast. Large appetites fueled by cannabis were quelled with what he considered to be the best pancakes he’s ever tasted. Saccharine from the syrup giving him a needed rush as you whooshed him off to the next destination for the day.
Serenity seeped into his bones as the masseuse worked all of the knots out of his back. Just a few feet away you also laid face down on a massage table, every kink rolled and flattened out. In the space between the table your fingers were intertwined, yours squeezing his just a little bit harder when the masseuse hit a particularly rough spot.
Celebrating another lap around the sun was always an occasion for indulgence. Another joint was shared, both of your consciousnesses melting like wax in your bodies as you whisked him away to the next activity.
Empty canvases were soon filled with brilliant pastel hues as paintbrushes made calculated strokes. Geto always seemed to excel at most things, a picturesque sunset that looked like—no, probably looked even better than a postcard replacing the previously white surface. Yours looked more like a toddler having way too much fun using paint for the first time, but of course he paid you a compliment anyway.
A quick lunch stop was followed by a limited rerelease of one of his favorite movies. He’s seen the movie hundreds of times by now, and even in the darkness of the movie theater you can still make out the crinkles by his eyes when he smiles at his favorite parts. It’s the boyish smile that you can never get enough of, the same one that makes your heart race and mind numb.
The day concluded with a free jazz concert in the park, sultry symphonies caressing your ears as you sat on a blanket in the grass cuddled up next to Geto. Yellow fairy lights adorned the tree as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, showering you with his gratitude for making sure he enjoyed every second of the day.
Even as rain started to fall from the sky and shroud you both in a light layer of mist, he was still soaring high, enamored with every bit of effort you put into the day. Every nervous lip bite as you awaited his reaction to the next destination, the smile on your face when he kissed your lips and assured it was more than what he could have ever asked for made his heart swell. He even let out a laugh when you started pouting and apologizing at the shift in the weather, once again kissing away any of your worries.
As the Uber arrives at your shared apartment, he grabs both of your canvases and helps you out of the car. It’s a short walk to the door that you unlock, throwing your purse down on the kitchen island and leaving your shoes by the door. Feet relieved from the black platform boots you wore with a red, pleated miniskirt and long sleeved black cropped top, you let your body sink into the plush, velvet sofa in the living room.
Geto follows your lead, taking off his shoes and sinking into the spot next to you. Finding more comfort in his body than the sofa you straddle him, pressing your chest against his. The soft contours of your body are always so malleable when in proximity to the defined ridges of his; warmth from his body always setting every one of your nerve endings ablaze. Just the simple movement of his hand brushing against your lower back is enough to make you writhe, a soft whimper escaping your lips.
The melding of your bodies is akin to adjacent puzzle pieces, two parts that are meant to be together no matter the circumstances. One hand caresses the side of his face, fingertips dancing across porcelain skin while the other creeps beneath his shirt. His taut muscles ripple beneath your touch, heart starting to beat faster in his chest when you say, “You’re so beautiful, Suguru.”
“I love it when you say that.” It doesn’t matter how many compliments he receives from others when yours are the only ones that makes his cheeks flush. Only your words are capable of making him feel this coveted. “I’m so lucky to be yours.”
“So am I,” you answer, voice barely above a whisper. Chalking up your connection to either luck or fate has always been a debate warring in your mind, but in times like this when you’re staring into his smoldering gaze, you guess it really doesn’t matter. Strong arms encapsulate you tenderly, providing the space to be vulnerable without the fear of judgment. An irreplaceable bond that you know you’ll never share with anyone else.
His palms trace up the back of your thighs, traveling higher and higher until he securely has a grasp on both of your cheeks. He loves it when you wear skirts, eyes and hands always greedy to graze and grope at your thighs. His mind is always shameless, wandering to more sensual planes even in the most docile of moments. Instinctively you rock against him, core grinding against the erection growing in his jeans, a breathy pant leaving your lips.
“Bet that feels good,” he murmurs against your lips, thrusting his hips upward in tandem with your grinding. The rocking of your hips only makes his cock strain more in his jeans, the growing bulge only aiding in stoking the flames of your arousal. He groans when your hips start to move faster than his own, giving your ass a harder squeeze. “Shit, feels so good for me too, baby.”
The only thing you can feel is Geto, a thickness against your clothed cunt that’s already drenched through your panties, aching to be filled. With a whine you press your lips against his, simultaneously removing your hand from beneath his shirt to undo the buckle on his belt. Kissing him is like being served your favorite meal over and over again; the familiar taste of his mouth on your tongue never failing to be the most exquisite flavor. No variation is needed when the consistency he provides sends shockwaves of pleasure through your body that makes your back arch and toes curl.
Hands move fast and lips move slow as your bodies chant a desperate plea to stay connected to each other. His tongue swipes along your bottom lip lasciviously as he gives your ass a hard squeeze, fingernails making soft crescent indents in your skin. It’s always a tantalizing kind of pain, one that only makes you moan and open your mouth to invite his tongue inside. Adjusting your heads so your lips are perfectly slotting against each other, your tongues collide as you manage to get the button of his jeans undone.
The hand on his face moves to glide through his silky tresses as his tongue continues to caress yours. It’s give and take, letting your tongue push past his lips, sharing the combined taste of your desire. His eyes close as he revels in the feeling of your fingers on his scalp, scraping and pulling just the way he likes it. All the while your tongues still slide against each other, sinking deeper and deeper into a sea of ecstasy.
As desperate as you are to keep kissing him, to drown in the sea of euphoria that his lips provide, the need to have him stretch you out and fill you up takes precedence. His brow furrows when you abruptly pull your lips away, unsure if he suddenly did something wrong. While he thinks he might have squeezed just a bit too hard, the only problem is your own greed. Without words, you pull your shirt over your head and remove your bra. It’s muscle memory for his hands to reach out and touch your breasts, but your hands are already at the hem of his shirt, motioning for him to take it off. He easily complies, ridding himself of the material while you raise your hips to shimmy off your skirt and push the waistband of his boxer briefs down.
“Fuck,” he hisses when his cock slaps against his stomach, pearls of precome steadily leaking from the angry, red tip. He throws his head back momentarily, but snaps his attention forward when you grip him at the base. He can’t help but throb in your hand, and you swear he grows just a little bit harder when you squeeze his thick length firmly. He sucks in a breath as your hand begins to stroke him, thumb running over the slit and smearing his precome down the length of his shaft. A hot trail of spit drips from your mouth and onto his cock to ease any friction, providing a smooth motion for your hand to continue working him.
“You’re so big, Sugu,” you coo, and he throbs in your hand again. His back sinks further into the sofa as you continue stroking him, only sounds filling the room are his soft pants and the slick of your hand moving up and down his cock. Another part of him that you’ll never get tired of. Every time his cock twitches in your grasp you can feel your own heat pulsing, and you know there’s only one solution.
Pushing the crotch of your panties aside, you rest one hand on his shoulder for balance as you line your entrance up with his cock. “Easy, baby,” he advises, moving one hand from your ass to hold his cock steady for you as you sink onto his inches. It’s a tearing sensation every time he enters you, a pressure that always makes you whine as you sink your head into the crook of his neck.
“Always so tight for me,” he hisses as his cocks sinks deeper into your heat, stretching out your walls in the most delicious way. Your hands wrap around his neck, breaths become shallow as you adjust to his girth inside of you. His hand returns to your cheek once he’s fully seated inside you, tip of his cock brushing against your sweet spot. “Fuck, your pussy was just made for me, you know that?” he breathes, cock already pulsating inside you. “Perfect fucking pussy, and it’s all mine.”
Despite the trembling of your legs, your breathing returns to normal as your hips roll forward. Your tongue darts out, licking a lewd stripe against his neck, the salty and sweet taste of his skin on your tongue further fueling the motion of your hips. His eyes fall closed as he relishes in your tight warmth hugging his cock, the softness of your skin in the palm of his hands.
“F-fuck.” No stranger to his cock despite the initial shock of him stretching you out each time, your hips develop a steady rhythm, rolling against his pelvis like lazy tides crashing over the shore. Your clit grazes against his abdomen which he flexes with each forward moment. It makes you whine each time, but he doesn’t do anymore than that, letting you set the pace, using his cock as you please because no matter what you do it’ll always feel so fucking good.
Without ceasing your movements, you remove your head from his neck to plant another kiss on his lips. He returns it, sinking his teeth into your bottom lips to match the pressure of his nails sinking into the flesh on your ass.
“Need you to do something for me,” he murmurs, voice thick with desire against your lips as he flexes his abs again.
“What’s that?” you ask with another roll of your hips.
He grabs one of your wrists, moving it from behind his neck to place your hand around the thick column of his neck. Shock paints your face, and all he does is flash you a crooked smile. This is… new.
“Go on,” he insists. “Squeeze.”
“O–Okay.” Hesitantly you do as he asks, giving his neck a squeeze. He looks entirely unimpressed.
“Baby,” he gently warns. “Stop playing with me.”
Hoping the second time will be the charm, you squeeze again. This still isn’t enough to satisfy him. The third time doesn’t seem to be the charm either, despite what everyone seems to believe. He only tsks and shakes his head.
“What am I supp—”
The rest of your sentence vanishes from existence when a strong hand encircles your throat, squeezing with a practiced pressure that gives you more of a head high than the joint you shared with him earlier. It’s nothing more than a reflex when your cunt clenches around his cock, a muffled mewl leaving your lips with the limited air supply he’s left you with.
“You see that?” He directs your gaze down to his lap, in the space where the two of you are connected. The view only makes your walls constrict around him as you whine. It’s a lewd sight, your cunt swallowing his cock whole with traces of your arousal slicking his pelvis. He clenches his teeth and lets out a low groan as he takes in the view himself, letting his thumb slowly circle your clit. “Feel how hard your little pussy is squeezing my cock?” He lazily thrusts his hips upward, making you clamp around him again. “Feel how you’re just sucking me in?”
It’s dizzying, the pressure between your thighs and the one on your clit keeping any real words at bay. All you can do is nod pathetically as he continues his ministrations.
“Good girl.” His grip around your throat loosens, but he doesn't let up on your clit, continuing to trace circles on the bundle of nerves. “That’s how hard I need you to choke me, baby. Now do it right this time before I get mad.”
He releases his grip from your throat completely and throws his head back, an open invitation for your hands.
With more conviction in your actions, your hand circles his throat again and gives a much harder squeeze. His Adam’s apple bobs, a twisted smile slowly spreading across his face as you squeeze again, cock throbbing inside you.
“Haa–ngh,” he moans, a delirious head high taking over. “Just like that baby,” he praises as you apply pressure again, heeding his instructions perfectly. “ Fuck , you’re amazing, so amazing.”
His hands find their resting place on your ass again as he continues to contract his abdomen against your clit, eyes rolling to the back of his head while your hands take on their new role of becoming his favorite necklace.
His pulse races rapidly against your hands as they stay tightly wrapped around his throat, and you don’t know if you’ve ever seen his face painted with such bliss. Head thrown back, locks falling behind him as you continue riding him, chasing your orgasm at the same time his is approaching.
He doesn’t know why he hasn’t asked you to do this before, but there isn’t a chance he can go without this feeling now. He plants his feet on the floor, thrusting into your heat with dire need, hitting your sweet spot with each upward movement. “S-Sugu,” you moan, legs becoming more useless each time his perfectly curved cock stimulates that spongy spot inside you. Even with failing legs and his cock seemingly trying to drill into your brain until he's the only thing you can coherently think about, your hands continue squeezing his neck.
Harsh sounds of skin slapping against skin echo in the room with each wicked surge of his hips. The pace is no longer up to you as he groans, hands gripping your ass tightly with the same ferocity you have on his neck. “S-Shit. ” He can normally hold it, draw out a session for much longer but gosh, he never expected to be in such a frenzy from such a simple request. “Fuck, baby. Keep squeezing, that’s so good,” he babbles. “Fuck, gonna come so hard in your little pussy, gonna fill her right up.”
“Please,” you whine, clamping down around his cock at his words. This is what he wants, right? You layer your free hand over the one currently on his neck, and the added pressure is enough to make his vision blurry.
It’s absolutely a mouth watering sensation. He can’t help the laugh of joy that escapes him with the little bit of breath that he has, continuing to pound into your heat, drilling against that one spot until your legs are shaking and the only thing you’re able to moan out is his name.
“O-Oh my god, Sugu, ” you cry out, grip around his neck loosening, orgasm like a shaken up soda bottle threatening to burst open at any second.
“Keep squeezing for me, baby,” he grits out, his own impending orgasm only seconds away from rising to the surface. “Gonna come together, just keep squeezing, I’m almost there.”
Tears springing from the corner of your eyes, you nod, arms shaking as you use the last bit of strength in them to give a final, hard squeeze.
Geto explodes, a hot load of his cum decorating your insides as your cunt spasms around him, milking him for everything he’s worth. He hisses, rope after rope spurting inside you making you shiver.
“Hah– fuck,” he chuckles after a few moments of comfortable silence, cock still lodged inside you as your forehead presses against his. One of his hands caresses the sides of your face, pressing another kiss to your lips. “I love you, baby.” The words are laced with the utmost care and affection as he presses another chaste kiss to your lips. “Thank you.”
“For what?” you ask, squirming in his lap as his cum begins to leak out of you, pooling around his pelvis.
“For just being you,” he answers, his other hand landing on the opposite side of your face. “And for making this one of the best birthdays ever.”
“Even though I didn’t choke you hard enough the first time?” you joke.
“You have all the time in the world to get it right,” he jokes back, but in reality, he doesn’t care.
There really is no wrong when it comes to you. And as the clock moves into the hour of the new day and you settle against his chest, the soft sounds of your breathing replacing previous pants and moans, he knows with certainty there’s no one else he wants to take another lap around the sun with.
#getou suguru x reader#suguru geto smut#geto smut#geto x reader#suguru x reader#suguru x y/n#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#geto x you#geto x y/n#geto suguru#suguru geto x reader#suguru smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujustsu kaisen x reader#ebs writes
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banana pancakes - j.m.
word count: 2,347
summary: soft slow morning sex with JJ.
warnings: smut under the cut, minors dni!!! really soft fluffy smut, very slight dacryphilia (literally just mentioned in dialogue)
a/n: would have never guessed that outer banks would be the hyperfixation to pull me out of my smut writing block but here we are!!! likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!!
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You could never wake up in a bad mood at the Chateau. Even on the mornings after partying hard, the hangover always seemed a little weaker; not as rough and it would have been anywhere else. It’s like the place was laced with dopamine, a bubbly warmth spreading through your body the second you walked in. It was a similar feeling creeping through your veins right now, waking up with JJ’s face buried in your neck.
Laughter and the sound of cookware clashing together come from the kitchen. Somebody is blaring Jack Johnson, and you hum to the song as you try to extract yourself from JJ’s grasp.
He groans, shifting so most of his body weight is on top of you.
“J!” you manage to choke out, trying to squeeze out from under him.
“S’too early,” he grumbles, pushing his face into your chest. You can practically feel him grin against your boobs, and you roll your eyes as you finally push him off.
“You’re such a perv,” you joke as JJ rolls onto his back, hands behind his head. He’s so pretty in mid-morning light, you think as you watch the soft shift of muscle in his bicep. The ends of his dirty-blonde hair are so sun-bleached that they glow in the sun like pure gold, and you card your fingers through it like it’s an involuntary reflex.
JJ is still grinning as he takes your wrist and presses a kiss to the palm of your hand. “Morning, sweetheart.” He pulls you back on top of him, like he’s stuck to your skin with superglue. With his chest bare underneath your fingertips, you think that JJ Maybank is the prettiest boy on the cut. You kiss him, hoping to get the point across. It’s like pure heaven when his hands smooth up your thighs to rest on your hips, playing with the band of your underwear as he pushes your shirt- his shirt- up. You could never get tired of mornings like this.
JJ’s tongue has just slipped over yours when there’s a loud clanging somewhere in the back of the house, then someone shouting, “Pancakes are done!”
You practically jump off him, much to his disappointment, and yank on a pair of his boxers that’s resting on the dresser.
“Hey!” JJ whines as you slip through the doorway.
“I’m gonna bring you some!” you promise. Everybody except you and JJ are in the kitchen, you realize as you step into the room. The little galley- style kitchen is a little too packed, with Kiara flipping pancakes on one side, Sarah cutting up strawberries and bananas on the other. Pope is sat at the table with all his textbooks spread out, and John B is rolling joints across from him. It’s such a mismatched little group, but you couldn’t love it more. You snatch a strawberry from Sarah’s cutting board, yelping when she tries to pinch you in return.
“Look who’s up,” Kiara says, smiling as she flips two pancakes onto a plate. “If you’re trying to take these to JJ, I’m not letting you. He can come get them himself.”
You roll your eyes, grabbing the plate. “Do you wanna deal with a hungry JJ? Cause I don’t wanna deal with a hungry JJ.”
Kie sighs, but nods and puts two more pancakes on your plate nevertheless. You utter a thank you, then Sarah is piling fruit on top of your stack. “It’s sweet, how you act all motherly.”
“Freud would be so proud,” Pope comments, not even looking up at you.
You fake gag, Sarah bumping against you as she laughs.
Kie calls him out, saying, “Don’t make it gross, Pope.”
Maple syrup is your last pancake topping, and with two forks and some napkins in hand, you’re all set. You’re focusing on balancing the plate in one hand and your metal water bottle in the other, when John B shouts after you, “Remind J we’ve got a surfing date.” He holds up one of the joints, adding, “I’m even packing us a picnic.”
“I gotta get this study guide done,” Pope states. “Take your time.” He waves you off, and with that you slip back into the bedroom, just to find JJ sound asleep again. You set the plate on the nightstand, and crawl over him, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “J,” you whisper, rolling your hips into his without even realizing what you’re doing. His eyes fly open, hands clamping onto your hips. “And I’m the perv?”
You sit up, frowning, but JJ keeps you where you are, hands like a vise. “I was trying to give you breakfast in bed, but of course all you think about is sex,” you scold, like a liar.
His expression hasn’t changed from that punchdrunk grin. “What kind of breakfast are we talkin’ here?” He’s proving your point and he knows it, but you can’t say much. You’d let him do whatever he wanted to you at any time, but the pancakes are warm, and you don’t want them soggy. You climb off him as he leans up, and set the plate in his lap. “You need like, real nourishment.”
“I could live off you and be the healthiest man on earth.” JJ’s grin is cocky, his hand not leaving your hip.
You roll your eyes, ignoring the little twist in your stomach, and take a bite of the pancakes. They’re perfect, and you force a bite into JJ’s mouth before he can protest.
“Isn’t that so good!” you exclaim, taking a few more bites before you give him the fork.
“Bet it doesn’t taste good as you, though.” He sets the plate on the bedside table, pulling you onto his lap again. JJ kisses you soundly, tasting like bananas and syrup.
“You’re supposed to go surfing with the boys,” you remind him as he trails kisses down your neck, and he pauses.
“Baby.”
“Yeah?”
“I got all the time in the world. Now do you want me to fuck you or not?”
You wrinkled your nose, answering with a “Fuck is such a harsh word.” But you’re pulling the blanket up around you and wiggling out of your underwear.
“Fine. Make love,” he laughs, and you can feel him twitch through his boxers. He’s already hard and it makes you smile.
“That’s just a little cringe,” you reply, taking his hand and pushing it between your legs.
JJ kisses you as his fingers dip into you, forever loving the way you gasp against his lips. “Whatever you want, I’m your man.”
“My man needs to touch me,” you state, grinding into his palm, desperate for a little friction.
His eyebrows quirk up, and two fingers slip into you quick, working you open. “Then who the hell’s fingers are in you right now?”
You slump against him as his thumb begins to circle your clit.
“You’re soaked, baby,” he groans.
Of course you’re still wet. It’s a little bit leftover form last night, from JJ fucking you hard like you were dying tomorrow. It’s also partly from the sun bouncing off his hair, the slope of his abdomen, the gravel in his voice as he sweet-talks you. “Think you can take it?”
You nod fervently, pushing his boxers down and positioning yourself over him. You’re still a little achy from last night, but the tiny discomfort is worth it.
That first push is always heaven. Your foreheads are pressed together as you sink down onto him, breathing in tandem. It’s slow and soft like a Saturday morning, all smiles and gentle touches.
“All mine,” is the only thing tumbling past JJ’s lips as he fucks up into you, his pupils blown.
You’re both quiet, all too aware of your friends still in the house, but the sex isn’t rushed. His hands creep under your tshirt, thumb grazing your nipple and staying there. You could never get tired at the way he smiles at each of your little noises. His head is tilted back against the stack of pillows, the muscles in his abdomen tensing as he fucks you gently.
“J,” you exhale, hands flat on the plane of his stomach. “You’re so fucking pretty.” You can’t help but babble on, practically drunk on his taste, his smell.
“Shut up. I’m gonna come in two seconds if you keep talkin’ like that.
You smile, and fall quiet for a moment as you kiss him. It’s open-mouthed and messy, sharing breath.
His eyes are wider than the moon and bluer than the aquamarine stone in your necklace.
He slips his hand between you, finger just grazing your clit. A almost pornographic moan slips past his lips as you clench around him at that first touch, and you do the same in quick succession as he rubs that little bundle of nerves again. His rhythym stays slow, and though it stutters a bit, it doesn’t falter. You like rough sex as much as the next girl, but something about this lazy morning intimacy drives you wild. You swear you can feel every vein and ridge of his cock, the gentle speed making everything so heightened. JJ feels the same. He takes his time with you, rough palms smoothing over every curve of your body. There isn’t a square centimeter if your skin that JJ hasn’t touched.
He deepens the pressure on your clit little by little, but still keeping the slow pace.
You’re a mess, whining and writhing above him.
“Come on, sugar. You need to come, pretty girl?”
You slump against him, with your mouth on his collarbone, and whine.
He tilts your head up so his eyes meet yours, and he shushes you softly. “Lemme hear you ask.”
“Please, J.”
“Fuck.” His eyes roll back as he bounces you a little quicker, rubs your clit a little harder. His touch slips away for just a second, and you groan, brows furrowed. “What the fuck, J?” It’s a little rude, and he smacks your ass as a little rebuke.
“You’re being mean,” he shushes as he sits up and pulls your legs around him. The slight shift lets him hit a little deeper, and your head rolls back. JJ has a cocky grin plastered on his face, and it just gets wider when his fingers return to your clit. “Feel good, darlin’?”
You can only get out two coherent words in between your stifled moans, babbling, “S’good. S’good.”
A knot begins to tighten in your abdomen, hot and heavy. JJ knows your signs all too well, and keeps pressing on.
“You close?”
Like he doesn’t know the answer. You nod, and he presses his forehead against yours.
“I want you kissing me when you come, pretty. Think you can do that?”
The task seems simple enough, but as JJ pushes you closer to the edge, your head keeps falling back, causing him to remove his fingers and use that same hand to push your face back to his. “I had one request, baby. C’mon.” His tone is playful, but it’s frustrating nonetheless. You’re determined to keep your lips on his.
You can feel him twitch inside you, and the knot in your stomach begins to unravel. Your mouth is open against his, breath hitching in little sobs, tongues meeting then parting then meeting again.
Your orgasm hits you like a truck, and JJ kisses you hard, just in time to at least muffle your moans. He stutters inside you as he fucks you through your high, and it takes seconds for him to come crashing down with you. JJ has always been noisy, almost more than you at times, and you have to clamp you hand over his mouth as he groans a string of curse words randomly interjected with your name. There’s a lull to the movement of both your hips, but he doesn’t pull out immediately. You can feel the mix of you two slipping out, and you move off of him, grinning at his annoyed whine. “Just wanna have you sit on me for a while, babe,” he pleads.
“You have a surf date,” you remind him, kissing his cheek.
“Surf date, smursh date,” he mutters, swinging his legs off the bed and pushing himself up.
You drink in the view as you crawl under the covers and grab the plate of pancakes. His back muscles bunch and smooth as he pulls on his trunks and a cutoff tee. “Y’know, we could have slow sex for the rest of our lives and I’d never get bored,” you muse, taking a bite of pancake. They’re a little cold and soggy now, but you don’t mind that much.
“Yeah, but you’re so pretty when you cry.”
“Don’t be gross. You’re not changing my mind on this, Maybank.”
He kisses you on the forehead, soft and sweet. “Let’s go out tonight,” he proposes, switching the subject seamlessly.
“And do what?”
JJ pushes the baby hairs out of your face, answering, “Let’s go out on the boat! I’ll bring some weed and snacks, and you just bring your pretty little self. We’ll figure out something to do.”
You give him a dubious look, but your excitement peeks through. “Why do I feel like that something is gonna be sex?”
“Well, I was thinking we could stargaze, but I’m cool with sex if you are.”
You punch him in the arm and he laughs, pinching your sides in return.
“J!”
“C’mon, baby, it’ll be fun!”
You finally grab his hands in an effort to keep him from tickling you. “We can’t have sex on the boat. Sound carries so bad out on the water. The whole island would hear.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “Maybe I want the whole island to know that I, JJ Maybank, am fucking the hottest girl in Kildare.”
You push his head away and press your lips together, trying to feign disgust, but you’re blushing.
JJ kisses you and wipes the look off your face. “So, 8?”
“You’re such a freak,” you laugh.
He opens the door and starts to slip out. “Only for you.”
#jj maybank#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank fanfiction#jj maybank imagine#obx#obx3#obx fanfiction#outer banks#outer banks fanfiction#rudy pankow#jj obx fic
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kinktober day 5 — soft!dom + daddy kink
nsfw content minors dni.
pairing fwb!heeseung x afab!reader
warnings drinking, fingering, semi-nudity, profanity, daddy kink, petnames, sexual harassment (nothing to the extreme jus touch without consent), semi-public setting, not proofread!
word count 1.2k+
kinktober masterlist — here
you did not expect your night to turn into this.
you were at the club, with your friends. drinking your feelings away, your friends letting you rant out to them about how frustrating heeseung was lately.
heeseung is your best friend. who you just sometimes happen to kiss and make out with, leading to some awesome sex that raises your dopamine levels to the brim.
after you gave a suck the night before, his mood completely changed. He didn't even give you pleasure, just simply dressing himself before leaving your apartment. You call and text him multiple time just to be left on voicemail and delivered.
Now, you're high on your ass. Desperately needing some kind of relief. Your fingers weren't enough, all you can think abt was heeseung and his ways that make you clench mercilessly.
You drunkenly slurred to your friends saying you needed a stronger drink and before they could've stopped your, your were already on your way to the bar counter.
"The most strongest drink that you have, and I want it fast." You hiss, vision a little blurry, feeling a little light on your feet.
When your receive your drink, you smile and a deep and husky voice states behind you, "her drink's on me."
"Oh why th- thank you!" You cheer, and he looks at you up and down before biting his lower lip, hand placing dangerously closer to your ass. You try to wiggle out of his grip but he was much stronger. You whimper when he squeezes the flesh and suddenly his face is too close to yours. You ask him to let you go but he simply chuckles, "I can't do that babygirl. I'm going to take you to my house and-"
His words get cut with his screams. His wrist that was touching your waist was now slammed onto the counter table with a vieny hand all too familiar to you. You look at it's owner, heeseung, whose eyes somehow show the emotion red.
"If I see you near my girl one more time, then you're dead. Got it?" He taunts, the sketchy man who touched nodded fervently wanting to get away as soon as possible. Heeseung throws him onto the floor and looks at you, "are you okay?"
You don't even get the chance to answer because he grabs your wrist, pulling you and taking to the club's parking lot. You get near his car and that's when you realise to stay mad at him but still that doesn't stop you from showing gratitude.
"Thank you for saving me Heeseung." You couldn't look at his face, eyes darting everywhere around the scene except his face.
"What were you thinking? What if something to you if I hadn't been there?" He accuses in a grumpy voice, he looks pissed off, and you can't help but feel angry for thinking he can get his way after how bad he hurt you.
"Why the fuck do you care?" Your words has him taken aback, eyes looking straight into yours. "How can you just pretend like you didn't hurt me that night. I get we are not a real deal. but, when you walked away making me think that you don't even care about me, hurt." Tears are forming in the inner corner of your eyes as you look at him.
He takes a step closer to you and you take one back, unexpectedly getting trapped between him and the car. His face comes dangerously close to yours and your breathing quickens. "I'm sorry for hurting you, angel. I wasn't intending to."
You can't make out any words after that because heeseung latches his lips onto the expanse of your neck. You softly gasp at the contact, your neck instinctively stretching to give him more area to throw kisses on.
"Heeseung wha- what are you doing?" You clutch at his shoulders as he begins to devour your neck. His lips kiss and suck and lick at every possible place that you leaves you feeling divine. His hand has a grip on your hip while his other one trails downward slowly from your face to where you need him the most.
"Trying to make things right babygirl." He rasps as he pulls away to watch your face, when he sees that you aren't doing or saying anything to oppose, he continues to make you feel good. So good.
"ohmygod hee!" your fingers get tangled at his locks. His right hand seeps past the hem of your underwear through under your skirt. His left holding onto the car for support so he doesn't press onto you too much. He silently smirks to himself how you probably would've worn a skirt for easy access for him and only him. And maybe, that's actually true.
His fingers immediately find your bundle of nerve as if it's his second nature and starts rubbing circles. The littlest movement of his hand, the way he is littering love bites all over your chest that's exposed through your tight top sends you in a frenzy.
He slowly and gently pushes his middle finger inside you, "fuck, love. You're so wet. all for me yeah?" he smirks as he looks into your eyes that are currently in a haze with the ecstasy you are feeling right now.
"mhmm all for you hee. ." you manage to let out along with a few strings of moans when he fastens the speed. you clutch at his shoulders and he starts growing hungry for more. He pushes your top all the way up to your collarbones and litters more love struck kisses all over your pretty boobs.
He can never get enough of your boobs.
the high of your pleasure heightens as your loud sighs and moans fill the air surrounding you both, the cool breeze making more goosebumps arise. "mmm fuck daddy!"
your eyes go wide just like his, his hand had stopped its movement momentarily before his shocked expression morphs back into one filled with lust.
that was the first you ever called him that.
and he thinks he just came in his pants.
something clicks in him. he acquires this overwhelming urge to just take power over you. to dominate you.
he pins you hands behind your back before his fingers are back inside you, teasing. his other hands holding you back against the car.
"call me that again babygirl. call me that every single time we fuck. understood?" the look in his eyes lowkey terrifies you. but, you love it.
you nods gently at him with a smile and he unexpectedly moves his digits inside you at a faster and harder manner. he wants you to come so hard you'll be screaming 'daddy' at the top of your lungs.
soon the knot in your stomach releases and your walls spasm against his fingers as he stops. he brings his fingers into his mouth and licks it clean, while maintaining eye contact, making you wet all over again.
"fuck daddy! that was so good." you bite your lip.
he gently pulls you aside not before giving you a fat wet kiss on your mouth in which you taste yourself, he open the passenger car door to you, hand out to gesture you get in.
before you can get in, he pulls you towards him, his lips nearing your pierced ear, and whispers in a cocky tone. "you're in for a long ride with your daddy babygirl."
taglist: @seungiesluv @jak-ey @unlikelysublimekryptonite @seungcore @heeseungshim @arizejkt19 @manasasugarbaby09 @wildflowermooon @lixieisfrv @racerhee @kaykay11sworld @heeliopheelia @sweet-kisses-and-bloody-screams
#<enhastolemyheart3#enhypen#enhypen x reader#enhypen smut imagines#enhypen hard hours#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen scenarios#enhypen hyung line#enhypen heeseung#lee heeseung smut#heeseung smut#heeseung#heeseung x reader#lee heeseung angst#heeseung angst#lee heeseung#heeseung hard thoughts#heeseung hard hours#enhypen smut
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.•*between lovers*•.
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･･ ⋆ ･ ⠄ ･
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･･ ⋆ ･ ⠄ ･
pairing: gunwook x reader.
synopsis: he stood still in the beach, reminiscing about the moments he had with you.
now playing: for lovers-lamp.
disclaimer: english isn’t my first language, apologies in advance for any grammatical mistakes and errors. no pronouns nor skin colour will be mentioned.
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･･ ⋆ ･ ⠄ ･
love. the most beautiful emotion that we, human beings can feel once finding the right person, our future loved ones. But sometimes, it could be harmful. Almost what drugs do to you, you get the dopamine hit for a couple of hours, days and perhaps for a long time but then it fucks you up in the most horrendous ways.
“Angel?” I called out to you in a comforting tone. Your humming in response felt like honey dripping, sweet but too much of it could kill me. A chuckle left me as my eyes turned into crescent moons from how hard I was smiling from the expression on your face that I adored and loved kissing so much. I watched how your eyebrows came together in the front to form a frown and your lips pursing outwards and making a cute little scowl, after receiving a soft punch in the shoulder from you, I cleared my throat and my hand travelled on their own to catch your cold hand in mine, much smaller in comparison than mine and rising it up towards my lips and planting a small kiss on the pinks knuckles.
“Can you promise me something?” I murmured. A questioning hum erupted from me, my gaze softening and I tilted my head to the side a little as I observed how your head slowly moved up and down in a hesitant manner, I couldn't blame you since I had just interrupted your break day from school and invited myself over for a small ‘at-home date’ since it's been a hot minute since I've last seen you.
“If…anything goes wrong with us, promise me to always be by my side,” I whispered. I sucked in my lower lip and started to slowly nibble on it, as thoughts about the future started coming in and crashing down on me like a horrible tsunami. I blinked away the tears that started to moisten my eyes, I let my head drop and hang low as I stared at my lap since I didn't want you to see me crying because I've always made myself appear strong and in front of you and never emotional so I didn't give you anymore struggles in life.
“Gunwook…don’t cry” my ears picked on the shuffling noise of your clothes as you moved around to be closer to me, I inhaled a sharp breath in and your small hand squeezed my own tighter, a gesture you would always do whenever you saw me getting nervous. The tip of my nose started turning red and felt like it was burning, the same thing my eyes were currently doing as I let a tear drop down, then another and then another until my shoulders started to shake and vibrate. I felt your other hand grabbing a soft hold of my left cheek and forcing me to look up at you through blurry eyes, your finger working its best and over to wipe at the new warm tears falling.
“I promise you, I'm here and I'll always be here with you, my gunwook…”
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･･ ⋆ ･ ⠄ ･
“Gunwook! You know I'm scared!” I laughed at your whining as you stood at least thirty feet away from the ocean I was currently swimming in with a bunch of others. I shook my head as I slowly swam all the way over to you and got out of the cold ocean and I hissed at the burning sunshine that was hitting me, I shook my head from side to side to get all the excess water from my black locks, sweeping them backwards with my hands to get them out of the way as my wet feet sank underneath the sand and some sticking onto my feet as I finally reached to where you were. Towering over you and blocking you from the crazy sunlight hitting your face which made your scowl even worse under that beige sunhat you had one. “I know, angel. But don't you think it's time you get over that fear slowly by…you know…swimming?” I said softly. Making sure to keep my voice soft and warm like I was convincing a child to go to the doctor, but instead, I was doing it out of love and since you've talked about wanting tovercome your fear of the ocean and learn how to swim since…the number of tsunamis happening this year is quite alarming, to say the least.
“I know but…” you trailed off. I hummed at you, arching one of my eyebrows at you as I stood beside you and swung an arm over your shoulder my other hand going to rest on my hip as we both looked over the waves crashing and people swimming underneath the umbrella. “I just don't…think I'm ready yet, Wookie” you whispered, I lowered my head to glance at you and only found you doing that bad habit of fiddling around with your clothes whenever you were scared, a small scoff escaped through my lips as I placed both of my hands firmly on your cheeks and turning you to face me and look up at me. “You can do it…do not absolutely feel pressured into doing something you're not uncomfortable with, got it angel?” I said in a stern voice. The left corner of my mouth curved up into a small victorious smirk as you nodded along to my words, I snickered to myself before bending my knees down to a certain height to be able to do the thing I loved the most which was me, crashing my lips onto yours in a kiss that was filled with love, passion and feelings, just like the movies and books I've always read and seen. Just as I pulled away and stared at your shiny eyes that held stars within them, a faint string of saliva connected both of us as I tried to regularise my breathing, my head snapped towards the ocean as I heard a blood-curling scream coming from the direction, I frowned as I couldn't see anything since people were all scrambling around and grabbing their belongings which made me even more confused as I held onto your hands and firmly grasping it until my knuckles turned white. Then it hit me…harder than ever as I saw waves, big waves and the water rising, a tsunami was happening. I gulped down the saliva built up as I turned to face you, trying to keep my nonchalant face on so I would not panicky you any further.
“Go back to the car, I'll get our belongings and no buts angel…I love you so much” I spat out quickly, chewing down on my lower lip nervously and crashing my lips onto yours since I didn't know if I was gonna make it out alive in time. I broke the kiss quickly and pushed by the shoulders to where the swarm of people was going and you looked at me, with tears filling up your already shiny eyes and your pink lips quivering and I knew what you were feeling and what was going on inside your head.
I should’ve gone with you to the car instead of being a ‘hero’ who doesn't save the day…
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･･ ⋆ ･ ⠄ ･
I watched the seagulls above me flap their wings away in the blue and clear sky. I fluttered my eyes shut as the waves crashed against each other creating a soft lullaby for me to listen to whilst reminiscing about the memories I had with you, whilst you were still here.
A singular tear formed and fell out of the corner of my eye, I sank deeper into the warm beach sand beneath me, I knew you were probably judging me from above as you watched me weep on an empty beach on a Friday afternoon.
“I still blame myself, angel…” I mumbled to myself. A deep sigh left my lips as I stared at the sky slowly darkening and changing from orange into a lavender colour. “If only I had known that…the tsunami would attack the other side first…I would be with you right now, in heaven” I spat out in a cracked voice, I raised my sandy hands to rub away at my eyes to try and wipe the tears that were threatening to spill. I exhaled through my mouth as I slowly raised myself up and picked up my belongings, not forgetting to pick up my favourite type of seashell and hold it between my two hands and making a wish that I truly wanted to come true and throwing it towards the ocean and I watched skipping away at the ocean before it completely sank. I giggled out of pity for myself as I dragged my feet across the sand as the sky darkened above me and leaving me completely alone with my thoughts in the darkness, the stars and most importantly you, my little angel, now in this world and the other world.
I wished another tsunami could happen that could kill me first and put me out of this misery, guilt and shame that has been weighing on my shoulders since two years ago…
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･･ ⋆ ･ ⠄ ･
#zb1 imagines#zb1#zb1 x reader#zb1 scenarios#zerobaseone#zb1 gunwook#park gunwook#gunwook imagines#gunwook x reader#gunwook fluff#zerobaseone gunwook#zb1 angst#zerobaseone angst
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Meeting you | Vessel x Reader
PART 5
Warnings: 18+ only. Vessel/Yn pairing, Descriptions of Oral sex, orgasm denial, unprotected sex, and P in V sex.
This work below is fictionalized ideas and stories involving real people but does not directly reflect their thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. Please keep in mind this is a work of fiction, so enjoy it as such.
@vesselslut
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As your mouth’s danced and Vessel fought for dominance, his black painted hands slid under your dress towards your ass and grabbing handful of each cheek in his big hands and lifting you up to straddle him, your legs spread over him and your dress ridden up to your hips.
“How wet are you for me baby?” His hands digging into your hips, making you grind your core against his clothed erection. Your brain so filled with lust and excitement, lost in his voice you couldn’t formulate a reply.
“Take your panties off.” He demanded
You slid your panties off, one leg at a time. Feeling the cold air of the room hitting your now wet and exposed cunt.
You both make eye contact in his way of asking for your consent to keep going. You give a slow nod and his fingers travel up the inside of your leg, parting your legs to urge him to touch you more.
Slowly he dips two fingers into your dripping entrance, his thumb rubbing over your clit causing your head to throw back feeling the relief.
“Fuck baby, you're soaking wet. This tight pussy is squeezing my fingers like a death grip.” He smirked under his mask. Enjoying watching you come undone just from his fingers.
You threw your head back in ecstasy at the feeling of his fingers thrusting in and out of you. Your nails digging into his shoulders as you rode his fingers reaching for your orgasm.
“That’s a good girl angel, fuck you look beautiful.” He exhaled taking in the women above him.
As you rode his fingers, your brain soaking up all the dopamine like a drug you were just about to cum when all of a sudden he takes his fingers out of your wet cunt and clenching around the emptiness you missed.
You moaned and whined out like a little puppy for him as you came back to him, looking down at the shit eating grin on his face and pearly white teeth smiling from ear to ear.
“Sorry love, but I’ve waited far to long to not take you underneath me and feel you wrapped around my cock. If you will have me still that is?”
He reached his hand up and slowly caressed your cheek as he admired you on top of him letting out a deep breath.
“I know it’s been a long time, and I would understand if you didn’t want to. You have all the control baby, we could even cuddle and start making up for lost time.” He smiled up at you, his hands leaving to rest on your hips, not pressuring or engaging to make you feel uncomfortable in anyway.
“I’ve missed you to much, I want this. Then we can make up for lost time.” You smiled shyly at him.
“Whatever you want baby, you can always say no or stop at anytime. Remember that okay?”
“Thank you Vessel.”
You two reach out for each other, your hands back to holding his face and mask giving into his lips and letting his tongue in to explore your mouth. He reaches up and lifts your little white dress, exposing your bare ass to the empty room then proceeds to grab fistfuls, giving you a loud smack across your ass cheek.
The loud smack causes you to gasp and moan into the kiss and clench your sweet spot in excitement. Next thing you know he does it again to the other cheek.
“Fuck this ass is gorgeous.”
“Vessel, please fuck me. I need it so bad.”
“Get up for me baby, I need to take these jeans off.”
You do as instructed and watch as Vessel gets up to take his pants off, he undoes his belt and then unbuttons and unzips his jeans. Letting his pants fall as he finally releases his now hard cock and you can’t help but stare at him in awe.
He was big and you were excited to feel him stretch you open as you could feel your mouth watering.
----
“On your knees and open your mouth for me angel, stick your tongue out.”
You did as instructed your eyes darted from his hard cock that was in front up to his eyes that was covered under his mask. You wasted no time in taking him in your mouth, licking around his head like a lollipop, lapping up the precum from his head. He moaned out and threw his head back muttering fuck under his breath the passive praise he gave encouraged you to continue to slide up and down his length coating it in your saliva.
Both his hands found his way into your hair holding your head in place while his hips thrusted back and forth to fuck your mouth.
You tried to relax and open up your throat as much as possible, the quick movements he was making were causing tears to form in your eyes and your saliva to drip out of the corners of your mouth. As quickly as he started he stopped and removed himself from your aching mouth, closing your mouth slowly and taking the back of your hand to wipe away the spit from the corners of your mouth and chin.
“Fuck your mouth is like heaven, but I need your wet pussy baby. Lay down for me and spread your legs.”
You did as he instructed and laid down on the couch, spreading your legs watching him pump his cock a couple times before he kneeled down over top of you and lined himself with your entrance. He pushed himself into you hearing your beautiful moans and watching your back arch as you feel him stretch you open.
"I won't last long, I hope you know that. I'm going to be rough and quick baby. Will have lot's of time to makeup for lost time."
"It's okay, I need you now." you rasped out in a needy whisper.
He slowly pulled out of you only to quickly thrust right back in watching you as your eyes roll to the back of your head. He grips your inner leg moving it up higher as he takes his hand from the top of couch and grips the back of your neck. His hips thrusting into you with a slapping sound of force, burying himself as deep as he can.
"Fuck.." He growled as he buried himself deeper and deeper.
"Fuck, I've missed you." He bent down meeting your lips in his, his grip easing around your neck as you two lose your self in the kiss.
You clench around him at the feeling of being full of him and the deep kiss you share, he cusses under his breath and continues his brutal pace on your dripping entrance. You let out a string of moans, digging your nails into his back feeling his pace get sloppy as you both near your orgasm. He growls into your shoulder as he releases in you as he slows his pace. Hovering over you as to not squish you as you both catch your breath. He slowly pulls out with a hiss, as he wraps his arms around your waist pulling you on top of him to cuddle on the couch.
"Come tour with us, I don't want you away from me again." He kissed your cheeks and rubbed little circles onto your leg.
"I'll see what I can do" you smiled and giggled up at him.
You sat there in each other's arms, exchanging kisses from time to time and catching up feeling like the outside world didn't exists and it was only you two.
"Y/N! You won't believe who I found!" "I found II!" You could hear Sophie yelling out in the hallway.
"Christ, this women." Vessel groaned and shook his head.
"Guess you will be taking both of us on tour." You laughed out loud
Vessel did not find that amusing but laughed at II having to deal with the spit fire that is Sophie.
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Fake Pussy: Yes or No?
Pussy. Some gooners want it. Some gooners don't. Some gooners are virgins, some still get to have sex (somehow).
Personally, I'm still a virgin, so the closest I get to pussy is on a screen. Or it would be if not for the toys I've bought, mimicking pussy with soft, supple silicone. I've used these kinds of toys for a while, even before I came of age, or got into porn (addiction and gooning).
I do respect the view of any gooner who believes those of us who stay in our rooms are unworthy of any pussy, or at least humping anything except our hands.
I just can't get behind that, though. I'm into gooning for pleasure, the experience, the joy of spending several hours pumping, edging, eyes fixating on jiggly boobies or plump rumps getting pounded... Feeling good is a good part of why I do this, the other parts being- Well, a virgin who's nervous about dating yet also feels no incentive to do so at almost 30 years old.
On top of feeling good, that last point helps too, I think! Goon enough, and the desire to actually feel pussy goes away. Toys go from "just like the real thing" to "another tool to goon with". Which is really how I perceive it.
Also, as I've indicated in my other posts, gooning is a loooong commitment to make. Sometimes we need to shake things up, create some new feelings, new memories. Porn is meant to be our girlfriend. Our comfort. Our goddess.
Why not have something physical, that helps us connect? A reminder of what we can't have. What we fail to get. What we no longer desire, which effectively makes us a biological dud if we haven't already passed on your genes! Or hell, even if you DO have pussy, DO succeed at getting it, you can feel the only version of the thing your pathetic, horny self deserves during your needy brain's dopamine bath while the real pussy is elsewhere or busy.
Consider it a tribute to Porn, maybe for Valentine's Day. Make it a thing for special occasions like a birthday! If you like feeling pathetic, I don't think there's much more pathetic than planning birthday sex for yourself with a fake, silicone pussy. Last year I called out sick from work to hump one of those 3-pound ass/pussy masturbators, on V-Day. To, as I said, make love to a physical representation of the thing I am utterly swayed by. It's not the real thing, but it feels different enough from my hand that I see little reason to go out and hook up too!
So even if you already aren't dissuaded from being pussy-free in real life, or you're a virgin who badly wants to get laid yet remain a gooner, maybe some nice, pliable silicone to stick your dick in is all you need.
Oh and let's not forget. A toy with the ability to stretch and conform, without pressure being directly applied to a dick? Any one will make a great test of your PIED and/or death grip. Can you get it up for fake pussy? Can you cum for something that's snug, but lacks the same fatal squeeze as your overworked fingers?
So yeah. Get a fake pussy, the kind doesn't matter. Let yourself sink balls-deep into it, and hump it. Let it help you edge. Turn a symbol of intimacy into a gooning necessity!
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There is a post going around on twitter talking about what Viv says about Alastor's smile. I am going to leave out everyone's talk about it being about Vox because that isn't my focus on this. Though, it does play a part. What got me was that she says its a 'very self enforced form of ego'
Meaning he does it to himself. He sees a frown as weakness, getting someone to lose their smile means the game is over. the jig is up. its serious now. That for Alastor is a win. And its fascinating to me that people just write it off as a 'oh Vox is a walking temper tantrum' for shits and giggles and yeah it can be, but the way there's so much more underneath it? That's the real juicy stuff for me. Both Alastor and Vox are in the entertainment industry. We all know how toxic that kind of lifestyle is. Everyone is all up in your business. You have to adhere to people's view of you.
Vox is fucking drained. The way he comes up from his evil lair, to his photo of him smiling but when the doors open he's frowning, before he's inhaling and putting on a smile like everything's fine. They are the lie we tell ourselves. How we appear composed when really we're fucking screaming on the inside.
When I think about Alastor stitches being his own doing? I'm fascinated by that. It means he refuses to let anyone get the best of him, they could never get under his skin if he physically cannot frown. It's why he's so indifferent, why he's so unbothered. He's always smiling. It doesn't matter what he's feeling on the inside because so long as no one can see, he still has the upper hand.
I keep thinking about how he and his mother had to deal with a lot of shit. The people in power, like to make those they think are beneath them feel strong. Oppression, violence, kicking them down when they are already on the floor. All I can hear is the phrase 'don't let them see you frown' and Alastor taking it personally. Alastor echoing it inside his head like a mantra. For every disgusting, racist comment. Don't let them see you frown. For every insult, don't let them see you frown. For every time they try and see you fail, don't let them see you frown. Because the second they do? They win. You give them power over you and that is something Alastor refuses to let anyone have over him.
People don't talk about how hard it is being a person of color, especially back then yes but I also relate to having to always be perfect. Growing up we get told to never draw attention to ourselves. Act like the white people. Keep your head low. This kind of thinking is why so many latinos are oddly republican because they get told to act like something aren't and then forget where they came from. It's pressure to perform, to be the best and doing it the right way so you aren't judged.
Can't do a bad thing ever because then it just proves that oooh all of us colored people are as bad as they say. I have this thought on things even if its not my fault? Like if I'm in a hurry and I don't open the door for the white people coming out. Or the way, the elevator the other day already had six people in it and three white ppl saw it and decided they were gonna squeeze themselves in anyway. but I swear you reverse it and someone would have said something. its having to watch what we say, having to not sound too much like where we come from. SMILE AND JUST PUSH THROUGH IT. When we really just want to fucking be angry.
This is why I think Alastor refuses for society to whip him into shape. Why he smiles, why he shoves all his anger down into the pit of his belly and only releases it when he's killing someone who probably fucking deserves it. I think Vox shows us the version of us when we're all depressed and searching for that dopamine hit, but the reality is we're all drained physically and mentally because of this persona we put on. Alastor is the twisted, darker side of that. the kind that wants to act on it. the repression, the internalized anger from not being able to express himself the way he should. alastor is a hypocrite himself. calling vox out for being fake, he is exactly the same way. he's just much better at hiding it.
#⌜the secret memoirs of a serial killer⌟ . // headcanons#tw racism#tw murder#I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM OKAY
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What’s your favorite thing about tickling others and what’s your favorite thing about being tickled?
Being tickled:
It takes a lot of trust to like allow someone to see you in that state. Physical touch is my love language so someone giving me a head bonk on the shoulder gives me so much dopamine. Yum. The sensation depending on the spot also feels good and it just tickles??? Idk. And to know someone want to tickle me to hear me laugh is just so endearing and flustering.
Tickling others:
Again with physical touch being my love language- I'm very touchy with my friends (keeping their boundaries in mind ofc). So I'm always bumping into them, giving hugs, biting :)))), poking, in their bubble more than usual etc. It's just also another sign of trust because I don't think there's lots of people out there who'd say they'd hate doing the tickling. Most people are wary of being tickled and it's a sign of trust that they may allow you to get in a good squeeze or two. And then the laughter? Idk I think I'm just obsessed with people's laughs, I can listen to it all day. And to be the reason someone is laughing is just- so wholesome????? I just love the bonding aspect of tickles too. It's just something so silly we can experience with another human we care about and it's so sweet. I can't really put into words why I love it so much haha.
Ask me ? And I answer ! Honestly...
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So I’ve been scrolling through the Durgetash tag and wtf.
First I’m fcking heartbroken that my Durge will not experience the moment of finding the letter/s to Franc in it’s original form or at all(?)
And THEN I FIND queerphobic posts and insane comments about Gortash “definitely not” being queer or “just having had a “business relationship” with Durge..? Even tho there’s enough evidence✨
Now… remember when we all adored Astarion and then more and more ppl started joining the tags, groups whatever and now it’s a whole toxic mess that you cannot scroll thru without getting a headache? (It’s sad the magic of it all is kinda dare I say gone.. I just look at it/him idk different, involuntarily at that, but I’m glad that Durgetash is giving all that back in insane amounts that let’s my adhd feet kick in dopamine fully-sated energy *incoherent babbling*)
I think the same is (bhaal forbid) maybe swapping over to Durgetash and I’m scared … cuz this, here… what y’all create! (art, hc’s, stories & just fun post’s overall) is so fxking special and so lovely🌷
And I really fxing hope that the ppl at bg3/larian have a REALLY good reason to *cough cough* meddle in each other’s I MEAN OUR affairs, when we already barely have anything, WHAT WAS THE REASON– just why, there’s enough bugs and crashes or other stuff that needs tending WHY TAKE AWAY?!
Good day and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us and without sugarcoating anything ❤️
I hope a build-a-bear lil dragon or whatever appears outta nowhere for you, that says stuff when you squeeze too hard (just like Durge–) like “ah my favorite bhaalspawn/ my favorite assassin” :)
First off, I hear that some people still see the letter, and others do not. Apparently, it's SUPPOSED to have replaced it, but some people just have computers that are built different, I guess. So you might possibly see it. Not sure.
As for if toxicity is spilling into the Durgetash fandom...maybe? I don't know. We were all pretty civil. I admit, I lost my cool for a minute there, but to be FAIR TO ME, I have not STARTED anything with anyone in literal years.
This was someone sending ME a reply that really pissed me off with its biphobia, like, absolutely ticked me off in one foul swoop.
But for the most part, it's not THAT Combative. But this note changing HAS divided people quite a bit.
So I don't know.. I want to believe durgetash and gortash love are still not mainstream enough to maintain the levels of toxicity that astarion fans seem to cultivate like horticulture.
We'll see.
As for why they changed it...I don't know?
Really seems odd. Maybe they didn't like the tone of it.
Truthfully, as much as I love that note for just being so out of pocket and weird, I admit it's more in character for Gortie to be a more serious guy...but honestly?
It's the fucking game's fault that they made Gortash a boring villain. They FORCED us to cling to his every note. To read more into his interactions with the Dark Urge.
To love that one iconic letter from him.
So they can't walk back on their weirdness....unless....they're planning on....expanding his role....
O.o
We'll see on that too.
Anyway. Thanks for the ask and glad I can entertain! By being an asshole! And a lunatic!
I NEED a Gortash plushie to keep my Dark Urge company!!!
If anyone knows where I can get one, I need that ASK or DM.
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I’ve been thinking a lot about a little ficlet you wrote, the one where special waits for copia backstage during a ritual. It mentions how spesh glows when he’s excited. I was wondering if you have any ideas/headcanons for the first time spesh did this, in general and around Copia? I can imagine he must’ve been quite confused at seeing his ghoulfriend light up like a christmas tree lol :•)
First off thank you for dumping a bucket of dopamine on my brain!!!!! I can't believe anyone thinks about my silly fics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for the first time Copia saw him glow...
Copia grew up within the church. He had been raised there. Some said he was even born there, though this was not factual- he had been born elsewhere, and left at the narthex steps as an infant. But, yes. Copia essentially spent the entirety of his life in the church. At least until he turned 25. At age 25, he was granted permission to visit nearby towns to spread the word of the Dark Lord. He took advantage of these monthly trips, proselytising as ordered but also wandering around, purchasing music records. By 28 he had managed amassed an impressive collection of music- not just records, but cassette tapes and new compact discs as well, and a lovely record player he had taken ages to restore. He had little space to call his own but managed to keep it all safe in his dormitory room. After long days of doing mindless research or writing manifestos or sermons for Papa Nihil, Copia relished in putting a good record on and flopping onto his little bed, letting the music wash over his aching back and shoulders.
He was creeping close to 30 when he met the nameless ghoul called Special. Well, to be clear, he had seen the ghoul dozens of times. It was one of the many nameless ghouls that haunted the hallways or ceilings or catacombs of the church, but this one managed to stand out amongst the nearly identical, mouthless, humanoid gargoyles. For one, it's tail never stayed still. It wagged. It twitched. It would even occasionally curl into a question mark. No other ghoul acted so... lively.
The other way the Special ghoul stood out was in it's voice. All ghouls communicated telepathically, but their telepathy had the unfortunate tendency of activating the same parts of human brains that stir up intense fear and nausea, so ghouls rarely spoke to humans (in fact, it was widely believed that those who rose through the ranks within the church's bureaucracy were just people who could listen to ghouls without screaming or crying). But Special's voice was wrong. It spoke telepathically, sure, but for whatever reason, it's voice registered in the human brain as audible input. Having Special talk to you was like listening to a human. A babbling, obnoxious human. His voice would drift into Copia's mind sometimes, and it would be as though someone were walking by his office and talking.
So when the nameless ghoul called Special knocked on his door one night and asked to listen to the music- "I've actually been sitting outside your room for weeks now, just listening, trying to build up the courage to ask you if I could come in, because I know humans don't so much care for us ghouls being close, I've heard we smell, which is probably true, I mean, we are made of Hell itself after all, it's no bed of roses there," and on and on- Copia was only a little bit surprised.
Copia knew about ghouls only as much as Sister Imperator had deemed it necessary for him to know. He had been a child when she took him down to the lowest basement to show him the portal from which all ghouls emerged. He had held her hand tightly, afraid something would come up from the glassy darkness if he let go of her. She squeezed his little hand reassuringly and told him "the Dark Father does not send ghouls to us without a purpose for each of them, C. Every ghoul you see in this church was brought to us with a reason for it's existence woven into it's very being. Each ghoul stays connected to our plane of existence by tethering to an element- Fire, Water, Air, Earth, or Aether. Each serves a purpose."
And now he and a ghoul had become friends. It was not something that happened in the church. Imperator had expressed her concern and Copia, in a rare moment of standing up for himself, had replied "all ghouls are sent up for a reason. What if Him Below sent this one because I need a friend?" Imperator had started to retort but Copia fled back to his room, where Special had been listening to Pink Flloyd.
"Special," Copia gasped. He flopped onto his bed and the ghoul scrambled over to the bedside, tail twitching in concern.
"Whoa, what's happened?"
"I talked back to Sister Imperator."
Special tilted his head, bird-like. "And?"
Copia looked at the ghoul with a mix of emotions.
Special continued, "aren't you, like, a hundred years old? Isn't that an adult? You can talk back to your mom at this age, I am sure."
Copia smiled a tiny bit. "I'm not a hundred, Spesh."
The ghoul's tail wagged. Copia sat up on his bed and sighed, then looked at the tail threatening to wear a patch in his rug. He looked at Special's featureless face. "What's that about," he asked, gesturing to the tail.
"You called me 'Spesh.' I get called Special almost all of the time when I am called something, but just now, you called me a new name."
Copia shrugged. "It's just short for 'Special,' not that big of a deal."
Then Copia noticed fine cracks appearing in the ghoul's dull grey scale-like skin. He backed up on his bed until his back hit the wall. "Fuck, what happened? Did I break you?"
Special looked at his arms, then his torso, then his legs, and laughed. "Oh, no! No, this is-" He gestured with a talon as though trying to pull the tight words from the air.
"I'm happy."
Special seemed to emit a honeyed glow from the cracks, as though his body was composed of burning embers. Copia stared, wide-eyed, and slid off his bed to sit beside the ghoul. He touched the ghoul's arm, amazed at the gentle heat radiating off it.
"This is the purest expression of Fire Ghoul happiness," Special said softly, shyly. "It equates, I think, most to human joy. Or love."
Copia and Special sat quietly together until the embers died down and vanished. And then Copia did something never before seen in the church.
He leaned in and hugged the ghoul.
Special startled but hugged the human back.
"Thank you for being here," Copia whispered. "Thank you for finding me, Spesh."
Special had no mouth but somehow smiled.
"No problem, uhhh, 'Cope.'"
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Game of the Year 2023: The Top 10
2023 was a great year for the videogames industry. A lot of great videogames were released in 2023. It was a fucking lousy year for the industry if you had a career there. It has been deeply disappointing to see record sales and critical acclaim alongside frequent layoff announcements. It feels like the pursuit of endless profit, whatever the cost. It's not sustainable and, as someone who has loved this hobby for my entire life, seeing the people who create games treated as disposable is disgusting. So, as much as this post and this blog are about YAY GAMES, there's also an undercurrent of filth that we have to keep in mind.
Apart from that, 2023 had its usual ups and downs for me. I played non-mobile games on my phone more than ever, thanks to two things: I got a Razr Kishi adapter to clamp onto my phone, turning it into a tiny Switch. Oh, and I got a pretty decent new phone. And Honkai Star Rail hooked me. That's three things.
Speaking of HSR, the ability to access cloud saves from my phone and my desktop PC was a godsend. This is true for Game Pass as well. Frequently I'd pull out my phone in the breakroom at work and pickup whichever game I'd been playing on Xbox, and it worked surprisingly well. I played a lot of Dead Cells this way, and finished Fuga 2 and Dordogne there.
If you'd told me at the start of the year that my best experiences of the year would include Baldur's Gate, a Harry Potter title, and an ALAN WAKE game, I'd have been pretty skeptical. But here we are. Also, if you're a theater kid I feel like this year had a couple of really special moments for you.
2023 also marked a return - at least somewhat - to the hobby of boardgaming. I was neck deep in the hobby from 2008 - 2015. I recently picked up Wingspan and it became a Sunday afternoon staple for myself, my wife, and our youngest child. I've missed the tactile non-digital experience of boardgames. It's nice to be back.
10. Honkai Star Rail
Well. You win universe. A gross free to play mobile game chock full of microtransactions and gacha mechanics is one of my favorite games of the year. The Genshin Impact people made a turn based RPG, see. And it's stylish as hell, and music is great, and when you get a new character from the loot boxes you get this little dopamine hit, and...
The game's events have been really surprising and well done. There's one involving staffing and stocking a museum, one involves shipping logistics, one's themed around ghost hunting. I wish I could have the $70 version of this game that isn't compromised by trying to squeeze players for money. The problem with that, of course, is that this game would not exist without all the bullshit.
But it feels good to play, it looks incredible, and I can swap between playing on my PC and my phone pretty effortlessly. So, despite the predatory MTX bullshit, I have really enjoyed my time with Honkai Star Rail this year.
I think my second biggest issue with live service games is that I don't get a sense of closure. I can't Finish Honkai Star Rail. And I'm not going to play it forever. So I get really into it for awhile (most of the year in this case) and just kind of...stop.
9. Goodbye Volcano High
This one is reminiscent of Night in the Woods; it's a coming-of-age story about anthropomorphic dinosaurs graduating high school, with all the fears and doubts that come with that. Some folks seem to have their entire future mapped out, some are just gonna work an hourly wage job and play D&D, and your character is serious about making a career in music. More serious than her bandmates are. Also, there's a meteor coming and it looks like it might hit Earth.
This game resonated with me on a few levels. The writing is great, the characters are well written and, unlike Stray Gods, the music landed for me. It does a great job of showing us different attitudes and values clashing into one another while making each of them relatable. The hope, resentment, and willful blindness of "My friends aren't invested in this thing we're doing together as much as I am" really blindsided me. It dredged up some feelings I haven't examined in years, both for better and worse. I didn't have much in the way of expectations for this game, but Goodbye Volcano High wormed its way into my heart. Goodbye Volcano High is the game mostly likely to be the game where I look back in the future and regret putting it outside of my top 10 for the year.
Hah! Suck it, me! Top 10 babyyyyy!
8. Pikmin 4
I've never really engaged with Pikmin, but this one was a blast. It does the Honey I Shrunk the Kids thing of "tiny dudes in a normal environment so it looks all big" thing that I love. Solve lots of puzzles by throwing little plant being at them. I love that the inspiration for the series was Miyamoto watching ants carrying leaves in his yard. It still has that feeling all these years later.
It feels odd to call Pikmin a relaxing experience, as you can and will lose Pikmin. Sometimes due to the natural attrition that comes with war, sometimes when the wrong little doofuses wander into water or fire, etc. There's also a timer, which is usually a dealbreaker for me. And the story revolves around rescuing fellow space travelers who have been transforming into mute plant people on this hostile planet. In fact the whole thing sounds like a pitch for a horror game. Despite all that, there's an easy charm to Pikmin. Your little astronaut dorks keep their spirits high, and there's playful music as you explore this huge, colorful world. I found it to be a great way to unwind at the end of the day for a couple of months this year.
7. Persona 5 Tactica
Persona 5 achieved mainstream success that the games before it never reached. Atlus has been milking it for all it's worth too - Persona 5 Dancing in the Moonlight, Persona 5 Royal, Persona 5 Strikers, and an upcoming Persona 5 mobile game. Some folks are feeling understandably burned out - I didn't get into dancing or strikers, and didn't play Royal (after putting 120 hours into Persona 5) so I was geeked when they announced a Persona 5 tactics game. On paper it's a strong pitch for me.
And in execution it's every bit as good as I'd hoped. My only complaint is the chibi art style. It isn't bad, just not to my taste. Beyond that? It's got the Persona charm, the banging music, and good solid tactical gameplay with just enough of a twist to not feel dull.
The "one more" mechanic from the series is key here, allowing the members of your 3-person team extra movement and actions. This is especially important because of the game's version of the all-out attack, which forms a triangle between your 3 party members and deals heavy damage to enemies caught inside. This makes combat an experience that rewards putting thought into. The game even has some side battles that are basically puzzles, giving you one turn to finish.
The game's new characters - Toshiro and Erina - are a welcome addition to the Phantom Thieves crew as well. I came around on Toshiro in a big way and was immediately in love with Erina. The game is about fighting against oppression and finding your courage to resist. Your friends are there for you when times are tough. It's hammy and melodramatic in the way that Persona is, and I love it. I love the game's revolutionary aesthetic, even if it's largely window dressing.
The DLC has been great so far too, starring Akechi and Kasumi in gameplay I can only describe if "What if Persona and Splatoon had a tactics baby?"
6. Diablo IV
The Diablo series has been the most consistently great video game series for me. I love the first 3 games and spent a TON of time with each. Diablo IV has the worst longevity of the series, but the best campaign. Now, I have to add a bunch of qualifiers here. The "best campaign" is a pretty low bar to clear. Diablo has always been - and continues to be - find new gear/numbers go up. The cutscenes are, as usual, top notch. While the story wasn't necessarily riveting, it was nice to have an antagonist with a personality and some ideas beyond RAWR I AM VERY EVIL RAWR. In fact, I was half-expecting the game to ask if I wanted to side with Lilith near the end, and I just might have done so. And the cinematic of the human army marching into hell while Lilith and Imperius have a philosophical discussion was incredible.
As for the replay value, maybe they'll find their way much like Diablo III did. My main issue with Diablo IV is the way new content is handcuffed to new seasons, how seasonal characters are siloed off from the rest of your characters, and how the game feels like it was built around microtransactions and milking money out of the player.
The game feels good to play. Abilities feel powerful and interesting, the loot grind is fun, and exploring the variety between the classes is a joy. Diablo IV is one of the best games released this year, it's just a shame that, like a lot of modern games, Diablo IV feels compromised, it feels like a Product in a gross way. Still, every previous game in the series has had a long tail for me, so I'm not counting Diablo IV out yet.
5. Darkest Dungeon II
Darkest Dungeon is my favorite game. I have a tattoo of it on my arm. It's impossible to expect a sequel to improve on that or even meet it. Subsequent journeys into a fiction can never be special in the same way that first one is, and Darkest Dungeon II is no exception.
The game is immediately recognizable - you'll see some familiar faces lined up in a tug-of-war formation against a group of enemies. A row of skills at the bottom of the screen, a torch at the top. Artwork with thick, dark lines and plenty of shading. The moment-to-moment gameplay IS a lot like the first game, but the trappings around it are not.
Gone is the persistent campaign of the first game, replaced by a more familiar roguelike structure. You embark on runs that either end in victory or failure, unlocking new things between runs. This makes the game more approachable and forgiving, but it means the lows are less low and the highs are not quite as high. In the original title losing your veteran Crusader you've sunk hours and hours into feels like a real gut punch, but by the same token finally - FINALLY - conquering the darkest dungeon feels incredible. Those extremes are lost in the sequel, and that probably makes for an objectively better game.
It's not just the same run every time; there are 5 chapters to conquer, each themed with a personal failing: Denial, Resentment, Obsession, Ambition, and Cowardice. The game's personality is still here in full force thanks to Wayne June's narration, Stuart Chatwood's music, that incredible artwork and gallows humor that I love so much. Each of the characters is treated as an individual with their own dark backstory this time around, each crafted in loving detail and unfolding by way of cutscenes and/or interactive gameplay moments. The stress mechanism is still here but takes a bit of a backseat, while relationships between characters are brought to the forefront.
Darkest Dungeon II is just what I wanted from a sequel to my favorite game. I'm glad they didn't just make the same again but prettier, but still kept the game's bones intact.
4. Like a Dragon Gaiden: The Man Who Erased His Name
Yakuza has become one of my favorite game series over the past few years. I'm down for whatever they throw at us. Bringing Kiryu back yet again? Sure. New protagonist? I'm down. A period piece starring the cast as historical figures? Fucking bring it on.
I love the series. The melodrama that hits me in my feels, the never-ending parade of lovable weirdoes and freaks in Kamurocho, the deep well of fleshed-out side games like bowling, pocket circuit racing, and karaoke - it's all here. I'm not tired of it. I thought I would be, but I'm not.
Kiryu is a lovable, stoic doofus with a strict moral code and penchant for helping out anyone who needs a hand. This time they gave him a Clark Kent disguise after faking his death, and also a bunch of James Bond Spider-Man gadgets. Let's go.
I will never get tired of my big hearted himbo beating people with bicycles and helping out folks in need. And I got misty-eyed at the ending. I was not prepared for my stoic boy to full on ugly cry. Still waters run deep.
3. Hogwarts Legacy
In the years since JK Rowling outed herself as a human shaped pile of garbage, I've distanced myself from the Harry Potter universe. And when Hogwarts Legacy released, the game was a lightning rod for controversy. I decided to see for myself, and was treated to a wonderful, smartly written game that managed to capture the magic of the world without constantly referencing the movies and books that everyone knows. It's the same trick that Jedi Fallen Order pulled a few years ago, and it works every bit as well here.
The school feels massive and detailed, and it was a joy to explore or just get lost in. The game world outside the school was unexpectedly huge as well, and the broomstick flight felt so good and natural that I rarely bothered to travel by floo. Optional side activities like growing your own plants for your potion brewing, decorating your Room of Requirement, and breeding creatures were all pleasant distractions that served to flesh out the world of Hogwarts.
The game's cast is fairly diverse, and most students felt like real people rather than caricatures of their Hogwarts houses. Most students do have their house traits, but they're not constantly front and center. The side stories and main story kept me engaged throughout my time with Hogwarts Legacy, and I was a little sad to see it end. It's a shame the IP has JK Rowling's stench on it, and that a lot of people will miss this game because of that.
2. Alan Wake II
Alan Wake and Control are both posterchildren for games with incredible world building and lousy game play. I've started both multiple times only to end up walking away in frustration. Alan Wake 2 largely fixes my complaint with those previous games by letting me explore and become immersed in the world without throwing frequent contextless fights in my way.
Alan Wake 2's combat isn't necessarily more engaging, but there's far less of it. What you're left with is the good stuff, a Twin Peaks-like horror mystery in a small town where everything and everyone feels a little bit off. Sometimes a lot off. It's a game where the characters play everything straight, but there are plenty of winks and nods in the margins. The game is full of wonderful freaks and weirdoes, many of whom had me frequently grinning like a fool. Alex Casey. Warlin Door. The Koskela brothers. Rose. Odin and Tor. Alan and Saga. Ahti. Thomas Zane. All hamming it up in a story that gets entirely up its own ass in the best way.
The Herald of Darkness scene is one of the best things I've ever seen. Ditto for the late game scene on the lakeshore. Hell, the game had me sitting and watching a short Finnish art house film at one point. It's a game full of glee and confidence from a studio with the belief in itself and its fans that allow it to swing for the fences. Not every part of it works for me, but the parts that do are so effective that the whole experience is lifted up on high. I wish Remedy's gameplay worked for me, which is never has. But this is a terrific work of art, and the good stuff far outweighs the bad.
Baldur's Gate III
My love of Baldur's Gate and the CRPG genre was something I'd left long in the past. Despite playing excellent modern entries like Divinity Original Sin, and Pillars of Eternity I hadn't been captivated by one of these in some 20 years.
It's hard to put into words what a triumph Baldur's Gate 3 is. I can't name a single thing it really does to revolutionize the genre but Larian executed on every single element of the game. Starting with the story, they make the stakes incredibly personal on top of the usual "Oh shit the world is in danger!" thing we always see. A mindflayer puts a parasite in your brain at the beginning of the game. World saving aside, getting that out of you feels pretty important.
Or not! You can decide to lean into it, and the writers did a great job of mixing viewpoints into the story. Mindflayers are horrible monsters but wait. Are they really though? Your party members will have their own opinions on the matter, as well as their own traumas and baggage and backstories. The writing and voicework for these party members are the best part of one of the best games ever made.
The game's ensemble cast might be the best of any game. By the game's end my party was my Tav, Karlach, Jaheira, and Astarion/Gale depending on the situation. There are party members I missed, and one I may or may not have killed (I regret nothing). Baldur's Gate III's story branches in so many ways, it all feels like it's a hair away from collapsing in on itself but it never does. My friends and I were exchanging stories about what we'd seen and done in the game as we played, and the variance is impressive. Baldur's Gate III is like a dude spinning plates while juggling chainsaws, and people keep tossing stuff into the mix and you think "Well no WAY can he keep all this going!" but goddammit, it all keeps going.
The way the game rolls with whatever choices you make (or dumb shit you want to try) whether in or out of combat, is truly incredible. It feels closer to having a DM than anything I've ever played. If you want to do something weird or dumb, the game does an incredible job of yes and-ing you. And it's not without consequences, the game reacts to the wide array of shit you can do within the D&D ruleset. The game sets up storylines both big and small early on, and manages to pay them off in interesting ways before it wraps up.
The combat was a sticking point for me in Divinity Original Sin 2. It's not that it was bad, but it was overwhelming. Combat could be long and difficult, and losing after an hour only to reload a save was incredibly deflating. Baldur's Gate 3 threaded this needle almost perfectly for me. Most combats were challenging but not crushing, and did not overstay their welcome.
I kept waiting for the game to drag and lose its momentum, but it never happened. I was glued to it for the entire 100+ hours it took me to roll credits. I fully plan on replaying it one day.
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for the touch prompt event perhaps #24 tracing the other’s scars? 💕
Hey, @the-biggest-sambucky-shipper! Ooh, that's a good one, I was hoping someone would choose that one 😆 It's a fic that's post-TWS and pre-CW, if that's okay. I hope you enjoy the drabble! 🥰
Prompt 19: Tracing the Other's Scars
| 18 | Prompts | 20 |
He was gorgeous.
Bathed in the full moon glow transcending from the window, the light framed around him as if it was a message from a higher power, that one should not look upon the visage of someone deemed so ethereal, like a painting brought to life.
On that expanse, there lay valleys and hills not of Sam's own creation, not exactly. Remnants of accidents, of war, of fights. whole galaxies of pain laid over with scar tissue floated atop and dug into Sam.
It was hypnotic. As if Bucky's brain was trying to connect the jagged lines and craters to form ominous constellations.
Sam didn't wear a shirt to bed.
Why didn't Sam wear shirts to bed?
"I can feel you staring, Buck," whispered Sam.
Bucky jumped.
Bucky still felt new to his name. A strange familiarity that felt bittersweet hid in its sounds, but he didn't feel like the same man who used it long ago. It felt good to hear Sam say it, though. Hear the consonants and vowels flow from Sam's mouth like a waterfall of dopamine.
"I... wasn't," Bucky tried.
Sam snorted, turning his True Love hellebore eyes to Bucky, amused.
"Why are you on the couch?" mumbled Sam as he patted the side of the bed next to him, "We talked about this. It's big enough. We can share."
Bucky frowned, but he was unable to break that gaze with Sam's eyes.
"I should have bought you a hotel room," mumbled Bucky, "I'm dangerous."
Bucky wasn't sure how much he could trust himself. If there was a way to bring the Soldier back. He didn't want to hurt Sam.
"Not right now, you aren't," whispered Sam softly, still patting that empty half of the bed, "I don't bite. We'll both get better sleep on a bed."
Reluctantly, Bucky moved away from the couch. He found himself gingerly settling under the covers. Close to Sam. So close, he could feel the heat radiate off the fella.
He found his mind drifting back to them.
The scars.
Sam must have noticed Bucky's eyes wandering, because he whispered, "Want to know how I got them all?"
Bucky swallowed.
Nodded.
Sam gently grabbed Bucky's hand, a firm hold that made Sam's heart skip a beat. Sam pulled Bucky's hand, placed Bucky's fingers on the messiest scar right above Sam's heart.
"I was helping Steve on a mission. HYDRA base. This one guy - snuck up on me. I think he meant to stab me in the heart..." Sam said, a little distant, as if he were reliving that moment.
Bucky's hand turned to hold Sam's, squeezing it. Sam came back from that memory, smiling at Bucky. With no reason to hold onto Sam's hand, Bucky reluctantly let go.
Bucky's fingers traced the scar Sam brought him to. The knife wound. There was a distinct dip in the scar, a change in density. Bucky couldn't help but rub it, as if that would make the wound and its memory go away.
He found his fingers gliding across Sam's smooth skin to a moon-shaped scar on Sam's shoulder.
"I was four," said Sam, grinning at the scar, "There was this tree in my backyard - I was convinced that if I jumped out of it with paper wings, I'd be able to fly. Luckily, I was four, so I didn't get that high up in the tree. I fell a little wrong on the way down and cut my shoulder open on a rock. I think I needed three stitches for that."
Bucky's fingers skimmed down Sam's arm, landing on a dent in Sam, a tiny crater.
"Pararescue mission. A bullet grazed me, but it grazed me close enough for me to need to glue the wound shut," said Sam quietly, "First time I was shot."
Bucky continued. He moved his fingers lightly over Sam, finding every scar, tracing them gently as Sam retold the tales of how he got each one. Bucky could listen to Sam talk all night.
And he did. The two of them lay in their little bubble of happiness as Bucky soaked in every piece of history Sam would offer him.
*****
This series is to celebrate Pride Month with some fun prompts. Since I got more prompts than I anticipated, I’m going to extend this event to finish all the prompts.
#sambucky#the daily sambucky fluff diary#sam wilson#bucky barnes#sambucky pride month event#sambucky touch prompt event#post-tws#and there was only one bed#sambucky drabbles#drabble 19#tracing the other's scars
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Ended up taking a bit of an accidental Tumblr hiatus because I wanted to keep up the tradition of doing a big post upon hitting a big round number, and was too busy/preoccupied with work and more interesting hobbies to get around to it. The result was enlightening. I had suspected lots of other people I liked left Tumblr (and other social media sites) because they got lives, and now that I’m finally getting some vague semblance of a life, I find myself doing the same. Underrated experience, honestly.
I’m still wasting a large amount of time online (mostly on Twitter, though if current trends continue it’ll finally die and we’ll be free of that particular source of inanity), but the dopamine hit addiction cycle seems to be breaking down a bit. Not fast enough for my liking, mind you, but it is happening. Having work I can do is a very different dynamic than being in school or a job I dislike. Making a few meatspace friends and having coworkers who talk also changes things. A big factor in my social media usage (and that of plenty of others) is trying to get the benefits of socialization without the costs we’ve incurred before. I don’t think this is an effective strategy anymore. It worked once, but died for me around the time everything else started going to hell (i.e., Q3 2016). I’d do better to focus on other avenues.
Some of this is just the passage of time. I’m not getting any younger. I suspect a great many of our social pathologies stem simply from the fact that human lives are so damn short. If we can slay the dragon, maybe we’ll get over our collective trauma from it, but it’ll be a slow process. Maybe I should write a science fiction story about it. Immortality would actually be very nice, but in the meantime, we have to content with the conditionality of our existence. If a strategy isn’t working, it’s time to drop it and try something else.
No, I’m not going anywhere. I still get value from this site. There’s fandom content and interesting discussions and friends I want to keep in touch with. But having basically dropped it for a fortnight with very little internal resistance, it seems much easier to just...not log in, for days at a time. I find I enjoy the site better that way, anyway. Coming back after a hiatus, or using it in moderation while accomplishing things elsewhere, has reliably proven itself the most rewarding strategy.
In related news, I’m making strides editing my 2021 NaNoWriMo story and finally got unstuck on my thesis. That’s on top of getting trained up at work, where I’m finally making the engineering contributions I’ve dreamed of making for literally two decades now. This year I learned that I’m just not cut out to be an astronaut (the APD is enough to effectively disqualify me), but designing spacecraft is more fun to me than operating them. Someday, probably soon, more regular people than supermen will be going to space. I’m contributing to that, in my own small way, and that makes me happy.
Getting out of bed in the morning is still a challenge—I do hate the experience of waking up—but I’m no longer totally fighting against facing the day. I guess the story here is about incremental recovery from depression. It’s been a long nine years. I don’t have a magic solution, and the mechanistic solutions that worked for me would have worked a hell of a lot sooner if our culture was more rational. But if the sanity waterline were high, I probably never would have fallen into depression in the first place.
Ad astra per aspera. We’ll get there eventually, one step at a time, as long as we don’t destroy ourselves first. I’m worried about that, worried as hell, but there’s not much I can do besides more of the same. Spread truth and virtue, create a better world, and squeeze very drop of potential and joy from these hairless apes. It’s not necessarily easy, but it’s far more pleasant than the alternatives.
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As a kid, brain health coach Ryan Glatt, CPT, NBC-HWC, says he was addicted to video games, overweight, and recovering from a concussion when he found Dance Dance Revolution, the famous exercise video game, or "exergame," that he says helped him get in better shape and boost his brain health. “Since then, I've been fascinated with the intersection of gaming, brain health, behavior, and fitness," says Glatt, who is now director of the FitBrain program at the Pacific Neuroscience Institute. "While we don’t have a lot of clear evidence around the neurological mechanism of exergaming, we theorize that it can act on the reward pathways of the brain and engage areas responsible for goal-oriented behavior, such as the frontal lobe, while increasing levels of neurotransmitters associated with reward and excitability, such as dopamine and cortisol." Experts In This Article Haley Perlus, PhD, Haley Perlus, PhD, is a performance psychologist who works with athletes and fitness experts to help them move through mental blocks. Ryan Glatt, MS, CPT, NBC-HWC, Ryan Glatt, CPT, is a brain health coach and the director of the FitBrain program at the Pacific Neuroscience Institute. Glatt isn't the only one who's found success in the gamification fitness. The virtual reality (VR) fitness industry is steadily booming—the global VR fitness game market was valued at $111 million in 2022, and it's projected to grow at a compound annual growth rate of 39.8 percent from 2023 to 2029 according to an HTF Market Report. Virtual fitness is not just hopping on a Peloton bike or following a guided workout on an app—fitness can mean queuing up a workout on your VR headset, something that appeals to a broader net of people who may not resonate with other workout formats. VR is just one of the latest popular examples of the gamification of fitness, BTW, but it's far from the only one. Fitness video games like Ring Fit on Nintendo Switch and the Zwift app, which turns at-home spin workoutsf into a game, are two more. What is exergaming, exactly? According to Glatt, true gamification of fitness (aka exergaming) means your workout has to provide some type of points or score system and have a goal-oriented outcome which, overall, helps drive motivation while you’re being physically active. "In addition to this external focus on a goal, an individual can have what is called 'enhanced expectancies,' which means they expect they can get better, outperform their prior performance, or achieve a specific goal,” says Glatt. My sister is a nurse who works night shift at the hospital and has trouble squeezing workouts into her hectic schedule. When she got a Meta Quest 2 VR Headset she discovered the Supernatural VR fitness game that offers boxing and dance-like workouts that are music driven. "It made me look forward to working out because it's at my house and convenient for my schedule," she says. "You get to immerse yourself in cool scenery all over the world, the music is good, and you get to pick what you want to listen to." My sister also points out that the trainers in the game are particularly positive and motivating, which is much needed after working a 12-plus-hour-long shift at a hospital. The benefits of gamifying fitness for your brain and body It takes time to see gains when it comes to exercising, and that can make it hard to get motivated to work out, according to Haley Perlus, PhD, a sports and performance psychology expert. "When we work out once, there is no instant physical benefit we can gauge, and when the reward isn't instant, it's hard to connect the action and form a good habit,” she says. "Fitness gamification changes that by providing instant gratification through a daily reward system that helps to make [working out] a fun habit." A 2022 study published in the International Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology looked at a small group of 55 people who's weekly exercise time fell short of the 150 minutes recommended by the U.S.
Department of Health and Human Services (HSS) in their physical activity guidelines for American adults. Some participants were assigned to group exercise classes, and some were assigned to exergaming. Although the class participants worked out harder than the exergamers, the study found that the exergamers reported having more fun. And since enjoyment is one of the primary objectives of exercise, according to the FITTE principle trainers use to program workouts, the findings, although from a small study, point to the potential for exergaming to be an alternative form of physical activity for those that don't enjoy going to a gym or traditional workout classes. Laura Flynn Endres is a personal trainer who created an online fitness game, Get Fit Done, because she says it was difficult to keep her clients motivated week after week. "The best fitness program has a lot of repetition, and the first few weeks of a new program are the hardest. Gamifying it provides a fun distraction, improves compliance, and is 'peer pressure done right,' " she says. The online fitness game, in which members earn points for their team through meeting certain goals, also creates a team dynamic which Endres says helps many people who don't want to let others down. "Generally, accountability is far more important than we realize. Again, you’ll show up more consistently for others than you will for yourself," she adds. Glatt adds that the gamification of fitness offers unique health benefits in addition to helping you be more consistent with your workouts. "The exergaming literature, mostly on older adults, shows that exergaming has the potential to improve cognition, brain function, mood, and physical functioning," says Glatt, though, he adds that unfortunately, there isn’t a lot of clear evidence around the ways exergaming works in the brain. Are there downsides to the gamification of fitness? The gamification of fitness may sound like, well, all fun and games, but some criticize its potential downsides, including the risk of becoming overly competitive or too driven by data. Like with any type of fitness tracking, it’s possible to develop an unhealthy relationship with your devices. Typically with exergaming you have a quantified element—for example, tracking steps, calories, miles, and on. A 2016 journal article found that quantification of activity reduces enjoyment, and may cause people to become disengaged or less motivated as a result. "There are always those with an obsessive nature,” says Dr. Perlus. “This can occur using a simple wristwatch, stopwatch, or simply by someone counting reps. If someone recognizes that they fixate on numbers and rewards, they may want to speak with a trainer or psychologist if they become too engaged in gamification.” Even with these potential downsides, exergaming is carving out a new exercise niche and engaging people who did'nt like to workout before—and getting more people to exercise while having fun is no small feat. And by in large, with guardrails and self-awareness, the gamification of fitness has the potential to improve the workout experience for those who lack motivation to exercise. As such, it may be a good introductory exercise for those who aren't already active since it offers a higher level of engagement than working out on your own—with lower overhead costs than hiring a personal trainer or joining a gym or studio, Dr. Perlus points out. "Gamification makes fitness customizable, personal, private and motivating," she says.
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