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#and sometimes i get so upset about it i just wanna puke
vacant2007 · 2 years
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The intersection of trauma/negative experiences related to being afab + being a trans man is so weird and uncomfortable. I feel like a double-negative in the sense that I both feel threatened by men, and like I'm a threat for being one of them. I struggle to trust or forgive men, but womanhood doesn't suit me at all. I want advice and assistance on learning how to help myself move on from the stuff I've had to deal with, but absolutely none of the readily available resources was made for people like me.
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dizscreams · 1 year
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Could do a tara carpenter x fem reader
Tara keeps unknowingly friend-zoning r. R can’t take it anymore
*she feels her heart breaking every time tara is flirting with chad despite it being playful and them not having feeling for each other. R is being petty toward them and it makes tara wonder why her “friend” is mad about.*
She decide to move on and go on a date with someone *she is tired of trying and failing at giving hints to tara that she likes her* tara notice her on date with a person and gets a weird feeling even though she doesn’t know why she feeling like this since she assume r has feeling for chad
Mindy helps/spells it out to her very oblivious friends that r loves her *which make tara have a “oh s**t” moment* and have Mindy be her wingwoman to get the girl
Idk why I feel like tara has a naive side to her and I just see her not noticing that r has been giving hints and she doesn’t get until Mindy just blurts it out and she just like “oh? Oh. OH!😳”
I wanna ruin our friendship PT. 1 — Tara Carpenter ★
part two here!
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PAIRING: Tara Carpenter x Fem!reader
SUMMARY: Tara can’t get a hint fr, reader gets hurt and Tara gets hurt, this fic is long I’m so sorry. BUT ITS FLUFF DONT WORRY And I suggest looking at the request I’m too lazy to rewrite a really summary
A/N: i love this idea sm 🤭
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You sat across from Tara while she sat next to Chad. They were flirting again like they always were and you glared at Mindy and Anika from where you sat for giving you the confidence to come tonight.
The whole group had planned a dinner at a nice restaurant, and Danny was paying. The reason you hadn’t wanted to go was because you’ve had this enormous crush on your best friend, Tara, for ages now, but she never seemed to reciprocate your feelings. Her and Chad were always flirting when you guys were hanging out.
You had tried flirting with Tara like your friends told you but Tara just brushed you off! She was always friend zoning you, maybe you should get the hint. They like each other, right? They’ve got to. But then why was Tara always flirting with you when you guys were alone? It didn’t make any sense but you pushed your thoughts away and messed with the food in front of you as you listened to Tara and Chad’s conversation.
“You’re pretty cute, you know that?”
“Yeah? You think so?”
“Mhm”
That mixed with the laugh Tara let out, you wanted to puke. It wasn’t fair. Sometimes you thought Tara liked you but when Chad was there it was a different story, you just didn’t understand it. But you knew it was making you upset. Flirty comment after flirty comment you felt the grip on your fork get stronger.
How could she not know you liked her? You tried “putting yourself out there” like Mindy said, you tried giving her hints but nothing worked.
“Hey y/n, you okay?”
Snapping you out of your thoughts was Tara’s voice and that’s when you felt her hand on yours, trying to soothe you. “Yeah, I’m perfect,” you said giving her a sarcastic smile to which she furrowed her eyebrows at.
“What’s wrong? You don’t normally act like this.”
You scoff and what you wanted to say was, “Yeah sorry I’m not in the best mood when I’m seeing my crush and my best friends brother flirt with each other right in front of me” but you didn’t of course.
So you settled with, “I’m just not hungry, I guess.”
She wasn’t satisfied with that answer though.
“Cmon let’s talk outside.”
Before you could come up with an excuse Tara had made it to your side of the table and grabbed your hand, pulling you outside.
The cool air hit your face and Tara wasted no time in interrogating you. “What’s gotten into you?” She asked sounding concerned. “Nothing has gotten into me, I’m just tired. It’s been a long day,” you lied, “Why don’t you just go back to Chad?”
Tara was even more confused now. Why was one of her best friends upset with her? “Did I do something?” she asked. You shook your head, “No, I’m just gonna go home.”
You walked away, leaving Tara puzzled and a little hurt. She didn’t understand but you didn’t blame her, you didn’t understand yourself either. why were you pushing her away? why wont you just tell her? why are you so frustrated? Your thoughts raced as you walked back to your shared dorm you had with Mindy and Anika that luckily wasn’t too far of a walk and immediately jump on your bed. You begin to cry into your pillow as you thought of Tara and all the times you’ve tried flirting with her.
You two have always been close so physical touch wasn’t uncommon. You’d always hold hands or when you would have a movie night she’d lay on your shoulder and you’d have your arms around her. In high school when you guys had sleepovers you used to cuddle. One time when the group was hanging out for the night you two were alone and you almost kissed her, but Chad walked in.
You always compliment her, calling her cute or gorgeous. Pet names weren’t uncommon either, sometimes she’d greet you like, “y/n my love, you made it!”
The tears kept coming but you sat up and hugged your pillow and weakly attempted to wipe them away. Maybe it was time to move on, she was clearly interested in Chad more than you. It would hurt trying to move on, you feel like you’ve liked her forever, maybe you even loved her. But if the feelings weren’t reciprocated there was no point in trying anymore.
You looked at your phone and answered some texts from Anika before falling asleep.
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It’s been a few days since the dinner and you’ve been avoiding Tara. You honestly didn’t really notice until Mindy told you Tara was worried about you. However, you didn’t want to worry about her right now since you were getting ready for a date. You picked a simple outfit, a cute black shirt with some lace on it and jeans that fit you good. This was going to get your mind off of everything.
You had met your date at a cute little restaurant and you were enjoying yourself. The person was kind and funny but you felt off at the same time. They were sweet sure but there was something missing. You knew you wanted Tara to be the one you were one a date with, but you couldn’t help how things turned out. This was supposed to be good for you, so you pushed your true feelings down.
Tara was out with Quinn walking down the streets of New York. Tara always preferred the city when it was dark, the lights were much prettier. “Hey can we go in here real quick? I just wanna grab a coffee then we can head home,” Quinn said pointing to a cutely lit restaurant with roses out front. Tara nodded, “Sure, I’ll get one too.”
They went inside and took in their surroundings, it was quite a pretty place. Tara figured it was new since she hadn’t seen it before. Tara told Quinn her order and headed to a little bar by a window while Quinn went in line. Tara looked at all the couples passing by the window and she started fantasizing about being in a cutesy romantic relationship like that.
She was about to put her headphones on until she heard something, or someone. She heard you, she heard your laugh and she quickly turned around only to have her heart slightly break at the sight. She saw you with someone else, on a date clearly. They were attractive and you looked happy. You looked beautiful too, you always did. She wasn’t sure why it bothered her so much but it did. It hurt, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away.
Quinn managed to get Tara out of her gaze by tapping her on the shoulder, “Tara, you there?”
She quipped her head to the red head, “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine,” she gave a sad smile and Quinn tilted her head unconvinced. “What were you looking at?” Quinn asks, concerned for her friend. “Uh, Y/n’s here. It just caught me off guard you know? Lets go,” Tara jumped out of her seat and walked out the door and Quinn quickly followed her but not before getting a good look at you and your date.
When they got to their apartment Mindy, Anika, Ethan, and Chad were already there along with Sam and Danny. Tara had given them a small wave when she walked in but immediately went to her room and shut the door. “What’s up with her?” Sam was the first to ask. Quinn sighed, “She saw y/n on a date at a cafe we went to. She’s pretty upset about it and I’m not sure why. I thought she liked Chad,” she said shrugging.
Chad had a confused expression and muttered a ‘What? Me?’ And Mindy rolled her eyes, “She doesn’t like Chad! God, nobody around here can catch a hint, I’ll talk to her,” she said and got up from her seat with Anika, while Anika let out a small snicker.
Mindy softly knocked on the door, “T? You in there?” She heard nothing but a muffled ‘Yeah!’ on the other side of the door allowing her to open it. “Quinn told me,” Mindy said sitting down on the mattress while Tara sat up groaning, “I don’t get it. I kinda thought she liked Chad-“
“Chad!” Mindy yelled at the girl, “What do you mean Chad?! What is it with everyone and Chad today?!”
“Well, at dinner the other night she was upset and she said something about me going back to Chad or something,” Tara mumbled.
Now it was Mindy’s turn to groan, “Tara, oh my god! She likes you, you big idiot! She’s like in love with you and she’s been sending all these signals and she’s been calling me nonstop about how you don’t get any of them! You’re always flirting with Chad!” Mindy rambled and Tara’s jaw was on the floor. You liked her? No, you loved her?! Since when? She’s liked you for so long and you thought she liked Chad? She can’t blame you cause she thought you liked Chad.
Tara looked at Mindy wide eyed and processed everything that was just said to her. “Wait y/n thought I liked Chad? I flirt with him as a joke.”
Mindy sighed, “Well tell y/n that. Do you like her back?”
“Of course I do!”
“Then tell her!” Mindy said standing and Tara shot up from her seat on the bed and grabbed her phone. She shooed Mindy out of her room and called you and prayed you’d answer. Lucky for her, you did, cause you missed her more then she knew. “Hello? Y/n? I’m coming to your dorm right now can you meet me there, it’s important.”
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IM SORRY IT FEELS SO MEAN NOT ADDING THE CONFESSION BUT THIS SEEMED SO LONG I DIDNT THINK ANYONE WOULD WANT TO READ THAT MUCH 😭😭😭
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kurogxrix · 1 year
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ATWOW characters as parents HEADCANONS ;
- neteyam, lo’ak, norm, kiri, ao’nung, rotxo, + tsu’tey
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[ All characters aged!up for plot purposes! ]
Lo’ak
Where to even start.
Pray for that baby’s safety cause damn it’s boutta get wild.
He brings your children on his Ikran every time he gets the opportunity to.
Lo’ak loves to show off and showing off to your children is not an exception.
Does cartwheels in the air while your children are with him.
That earns him a good scolding and probably some ear pulling with it too.
Reassures his children that they’re enough. we love him 4 that.
Goes to Neytiri and Jake for advice sometimes.
Once he made you really upset and borderline doubting yourself as a mother after he had said something and he has never hated himself more in that moment.
He went to ask Neytiri how to make things better.
Asked your kids to help him do something to make you feel better.
You lowkey only forgave him cause your children were in the plan and you didn’t wanna disappoint them.
After that he made sure to hold you tightly at night and reminds you how much of an incredible mother you are everyday.
He’s so smitten for his family it’s insane.
The kind of dad that will put his children up on his shoulders and he spins them around.
It’s all happy and joyful until they’re both dizzy and he ends up with puke all over him. That’s what he gets for spinning a toddler over his head.
The type of dad to furrow his eyebrows at your kids when they don’t finish their food (your son literally told you to add more food to his bowl after you warned him that it was a lot).
Neteyam
The chill parent.
He will scold your children when they disobey but i dont see him as the yelling type.
When he gets really angry then he’s a real scary father. But other than that your children all adore him.
loves being his kid’s ‘hero’.
Like when they get their limbs stuck in the fabric of the tents and he goes to unlatch them.
A stressed and tired dad i can just tell.
Makes toys for his children himself because he wants them to be special.
He prolly makes dinner but the kids don’t like it (L for him)
You take up the cooking after his miserably failed attempts at making food. He’s slightly jealous when he watches your kid’s delighted faces at you cooking.
Stays so close to them when you all go swimming at the lake.
Like the water could be at waist level for them and he’d still accompany them.
Lets his children paint on his warrior body paint and he’s lowkey regretting afterwards.
You cant help but make fun of him and your children join in too.
Jokingly sulks after y’all laughed at him.
So now you all owe him a shit ton of kisses.
‘I’m doing this for your own good’ kind of dad, in the least toxic way possible.
Norm
Cutest thing would be you being a na’vi from the omaticaya falling in love with him despite being an avatar.
Lets say his avatar is still alive and well.
It’s kinda hard for him to maintain his family life and head of the avatar program life at the same time.
He pushes through for y’all though.
He cuddles with you and your children in your family tent at night while he wakes up in his human form to take care of himself and the program.
His kids and Jake and Neytiri’s kids are besties.
Takes his children to the lab with him to show them his research.
Loves the way they’re so enamored about his research until they start touching everything.
Has to restrict them at some point.
He can’t get himself to yell at them.
The type of dad to put his children on his shoulder when they can’t see something amongst the crowd.
He’s such a good dad.
He has the dad drip full on. We’re talking a large shirt with cargo shorts and sandals. In his avatar form or human form it doesn’t matter, he’s always rocking the dad drip.
Passes his awkwardness to his kids but you find it endearing.
You love how shy he was when he met you, and you love that you can see that in your children.
He would’ve never expected that he would’ve been here, mated with children but damn Eywa really has plans for everyone.
Brings your kids something back everytime he goes on an exploration.
He shows them the godly privilege of netflix. Doesn’t tell them that it’s on child mode because he fears rebellious teenagers help.
Doesn’t wanna taint them with some human internet bullshit so he never tells them about the web lmao.
Kiri
She’s so cute honestly.
The both of you chose to adopt an metkayina baby that has lost her parents.
You want to teach your daughter in the future that it’s okay to be different, and even if the both of you are look different to her then you’ll always love her.
She amazes your child with her pandora jesus powers.
You’re badass cause I said so and you teach your daughter to stick up for herself.
You’d probably beef with your child’s bullies and Kiri will scold you for acting so brashly.
Will bring your daughter on a walk in the forest every evening.
Kiri relishes in your sweet daughter’s loud laughter when she attracts wild animals to her.
Ao’nung
HES A MENACE BYE.
He’ll be the type of dad to pull lightly on his children’s tails and then look away as they wonder who did it.
you fear letting them too long with their dads cuz you’re scared that they’re gonna turn out as little bullies like he was.
but it’s their dad so you can’t really keep them away. should’ve just chosen a better mate bae🙁
The type of dad that will hold their baby upside down by the foot while they’re literally screeching in joy.
He’s kinda harsh on olo’eyktan training once your son gets older.
You however take your sweet time while teaching you daughter the ways of Tsahik.
sometimes you gotta remind Ao’nung to calm down lmao.
He doesn’t want his son to hate him or his duties so he eventually does and instead tries and make training sessions more like a fun bonding time between the both men.
He makes dad jokes you cant tell me otherwise.
PROTECTIVE DAD!!!
Every teen in the clan is scared to approach your children (romantically) because of Ao’nung’s wrath.
When one boy finally got the guts to ask your daughter out and she said yes, he was finna flip his shit fr.
You had to PHYSICALLY hold him down as you watched your daughter leave on a date with the man.
He knows that he shouldn’t actually hold his children back from having a romantic life, so instead he chooses to tease them about it.
‘Saw that boy giving you googly eyes yesterday, heard from some rumors that he happens to be dating the olo’eyktan’s daughter?’
‘heard you sneaking out the marui last night son, you really should work on your sneakiness.”
The type of dad that WILL swear at your children but like fondly? like;
Your son and him are playing fight in your marui at night when he has the amazing idea to tickle his father.
‘Oh you little bitch, it’s on,”
Then he gets scolded by you and potentially his ear pulled as you do so but oh well it was worth it.
Brags to his spirit brother about his children.
doesn’t wanna admit but he secretly loves it when you all just cuddle up to him during cool nights. Then pretends to be annoyed by im later in the morning.
You all know he’s capping.
Rotxo
sweetest dad in all of awa’atlu.
The metkayina woman are probably jealous of your baby daddy I ain’t even gon’ lie to you.
He loves burping your child for some reason.
I headcanon him as someone that has grown up with only girls. Like full on just sisters and their mother so when his first child is born a son he can’t help but be ecstatic at the newborn male company.
He physically cannot scold your children so you have to do it yourself.
Makes you look like the bad cop.
He spoils your children a little too much.
Like they wanna try akula meat? damn just wait a min for him to call up his skimwing-
Your children have a fav parent and it’s clearly him.
They still love you though.
Rotxo’s always here to remind you how much he’s grateful for the family that you gave him.
Brings his children to meet his spirit brother as soon as they can enter the water with you.
bonus: Tsu’tey
He lowkey has beef with his baby.
will have staring battles with it.
They both fight to see who can get more affection from you but we all know the cute baby is gonna win.
Hes deadass gonna sulk i aint even lying.
He’s not the ‘awww ur so cute’ kind of father but the ‘you’re not ugly’ kinda dad but we all know he loves his baby.
When his children grow up he will be strict on them there’s no denying.
At this point he kind sounds like a bad father but he isn’t (at times).
He shows his love through words of affirmation.
Reminds his children that he’s proud of them when they achieve something, or sometimes just in general.
He wont go easy on their potential mates. Like he'll lowkey show them what hell is.
HE CANT KEEP IT IN HIS PANTS. after you both have had your first child together he’s just 100x more affiliated with you than he was before.
not to say that he didn’t love you before, on Eywa my man was a goner. There’s just something about motherhood that made you shine much more than before.
You’ll probs end up with like 5-6 children.
-
for a hoe that claims to dislike children i do be writing a shit ton of family things huh (it’s cuz i love dilfs 🫶🏽)
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jiminrings · 1 year
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U KNOWWWWW I HAVE TO ASK FOR SOME ANGST MISS JAY EM RINGS!!!! pretty pretty pls can we get a 478 drabble where oc is a lil more emotional and sensitive and jungkook accidentally upsets her for whatever reason
478: drabble
alternatively, jungkook says the wrong thing at the wrong time :(
[ 478 masterlist ]
You’re a little more anxious as you let it out to be.
Being just a week away from approaching your second trimester, you’ve been filled with so much nervousness regarding every single thing that you do, not just pregnancy-wise. You’ve been reevaluating everything that’s on your shoulders, the most pressing of them being the fact that the first trimester’s the most sensitive.
Except from the occasional morning sickness, the lethargy, and the ever-pressing matter of you overthinking things — your pregnancy’s going along well.
So well that sometimes it doesn’t cross your mind that your taste (and basically your whole worldview) is bound to change.
The minute you step into the bathroom to shower, Jungkook’s just gotten out of it to get his day started (read: prep your meals for work) and although your attention would normally be fixated first on the fact that he only has a towel wrapped around his waist, something else catches your attention and it irks you.
You catch a whiff of his perfume, (un)pleasantly reminded by the fact that he sprays himself with it twice; first on his bare skin, then second on his clothes when he’s all dressed. It’s only Jungkook’s first layer of perfume and yet it already riles you up for all the wrong reasons.
“Is that you?”
“Is what me?” he furrows his eyebrows, catching your drift when he sees your nose upturning. Jungkook trails off, a smirk already forming on his face this early in the morning. “Yes…? I’ve been using the same perfume for like, years, baby.”
“I don’t like it,” you quip immediately. “It’s making me nauseous.”
“What? But I love this perfume,” Jungkook frowns, taken aback because he swears you were all over with him just yesterday over his scent.
You did love the perfume. You’ve loved it for years and for some reason, the smell of cotton and musk turned sour for you overnight, making you grimace.
“You make me wanna puke.”
“Fine, I’ll change it,” Jungkook dramatically sighs, rolling his eyes playfully. His voice lilts into a tease, bottom lip jutting out before pecking your cheek. “After everything I do for you?”
Maybe it’s because of the fog on your head, and maybe it’s also because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed because you literally can’t sleep properly.
It’s that lilt in his voice, the same lilt you know would be playful for you at every other occasion, that also turned sour in your head by the minute.
“What about everything I do for you?” you mumble, brows slightly furrowed. It’s a surprise that he even hears your question.
Jungkook can’t catch on that you’re not joking with him like how he’s teasing you at the moment. He mistakes your genuine self-doubt to be your stellar acting just as always.
He shrugs, a mischievous smile on his lips. “Eh. You’re doing fine.”
The joking tone never reaches your ears because they already started ringing the moment you smelled your husband’s perfume. It never reaches you because you can’t help but to feel wired this way, literally, and you just can’t help it —
You can’t help but to feel upset.
You weren’t doing good. Not even great at the slightest. You’re doing just fine and fine isn’t good enough for you — not when you’re at the crux of your career and you have to juggle it with being pregnant; becoming a first-time mom in just a matter of months.
You go through the motions of preparing yourself for work, mechanically staying put when Jungkook kisses you goodbye.
Even after filming, you stay back on set to nab yourself an early copy of the script for your next episode and ask for notes from the director of what he needed from you; of everything that you’re lacking now that you want to give
You’ve hung back even longer than Jimin and soon enough, you realize that it’s only some of the crew that you’re alone with — them, and Yoongi.
“You okay?” Yoongi asks with a tap on your shoulder that snaps you out of your reference, surprising himself when you jolt in the slightest. He’s concerned at the way you did so good today but no one’s barely gotten a word out of you outside of filming, the look of worry etched on your face even now. “You look out of it.”
The question is warranted, although sudden in your perspective. You’re so out of it that you didn’t even know that everybody noticed.
You’re snapped out from your reverie because in either courage or foolery, you delve deeper. Yoongi’s a treasured friend to you and he would never lie; you have to hear it from him of all people.
“Am I doing great?” you ask, your lips pursed as you’re already anticipating the worst.
Yoongi doesn’t even flinch despite being slightly confused, a comforting smile immediately gracing his face.
“Of course you are,” he answers. “You’re already a great mom.”
The tears build up in your eyes so quick that you’re momentarily blinded by them, crying into the heels of your hands as an aftermath. Yoongi’s frozen on what he should do from seeing you so vulnerable.
“I didn’t even say where am I doing great at. I-I didn’t have to,” you sob. For all he knows, you could be asking about your performance at work and yet it wasn’t the first thing his mind went to. “You already knew.”
“Hey, hey. Everybody knows you’re great. The baby isn’t even here yet and you’re already doing so well,” he shushes you, tentatively rubbing comforting circles on your back. You seem to calm down by the minute, and the moment you stop hiccuping, he offers. “Need a ride?”
Yoongi opens the door for you, drives you with no question, and even leads you up to the steps of your front door. He doesn’t hang back to greet Jungkook because he has a hint that there’s some trouble in paradise, hesitant to cross lines this late into the evening so he heads back to his car.
When you come back home to Jungkook though, he’s a nervous mess.
“Where have you been?” he shoots straight up from the couch, eyes and hands frantically checking you over.
“Work. Where else?” you mumble, slyly dodging a hand that comes up to your cheek.
Jungkook knew there was something off from you since you left but he can’t place it even now; even when you came home late with your eyes still refusing to meet his.
“It’s already past midnight. It’s the next day. Why didn’t you tell me you’d be out this late? You told me today was a quick shoot,” he starts, grinding his jaw when he hears you huff under your breath. 
You don’t seem to take him seriously, not even the panic that’s clear on his face and from the couple hundred texts he sent you that you didn’t even read.
“I’m a big girl, Jungkook,” you mutter, shrugging your shoulders. “I’m — we’re here in one piece. Yoongi drove me home anyway.”
“Where was Jimin?” he inquires instantly. “He’s your manager. Why didn’t he wait for you? He knows you’re pregnant, he wouldn’t let you strain yourself like this.”
On normal days, you’d have the patience to explain why Jimin sometimes doesn’t see you through the end of your endeavors. Technically, your work was already done hours before, it was just you who didn’t want to come home at the time.
But today’s the furthest thing from a normal day.
“I’m doing just fine, Jungkook. Stop worrying about me.”
“Of course I’m gonna worry about you! The two of you! Why didn’t you-…” he strains, gesturing to your stomach.
“Well then stop!” you burst, finally letting loose. “After everything you do for me, stop worrying.”
Your husband instantly freezes, the recollection of almost this same exact scene earlier into the morning playing out in his head.
His chest tightens, eyes wide and unblinking.
“Is this about what I said?”
“I don’t know, Jungkook. I don’t fucking know, okay? I’m anxious and I’m on edge with everything and-…” you inhale sharply, running a hand through your hair. The lump that builds in your throat gets in the way, making you screw your eyes shut. “Just… shut up sometimes. I don’t need to hear what I’m thinking about myself from you. I don’t want to know I’m doing a shit job.”
“You’re not doing a shit job. You’re great at everything,” Jungkook interjects, his face falling at how dense he could be. “I-I… I was only joking around awhile ago, I swear. I didn’t mean it.”
He made you feel this way and he wants nothing else but to beat himself up over it, your husband’s mind running a hundred miles per hour just thinking of how utterly stupid he has to be to even joke about it.
“I’m sorry, baby. I should’ve reeled it in sooner. I’m not gonna do jokes like that again, I promise,” Jungkook embraces you desperately, his close proximity to you making you take notice that he’s wearing a different perfume.
If you think about it longer, the perfume Jungkook’s wearing right now smells like yours.
“Perfect mom. Perfect actress. Perfect wife, everything,” he mumbles against your temple, pressing small warm kisses to your face. “You give me beyond everything that I could do for you. You’re growing a human inside you and I’m just standing here.”
“You don’t just stand around,” you mutter, slowly reciprocating his hug. “You make efforts for me too.”
“Not as great as what you do for me,” he corrects. “For us.”
Jungkook figures it’ll be a sleepless night for him because he’ll be tossing and turning just regretting what he did, but at the very least, he knows he’ll be sleepless with you.
“Do you forgive me? You don’t have to right now. I’ll still mope and you can sleep on it,” he asks. “I can sleep on the floor tonight.”
“Not even the couch?” you joke, your snort making him smile briefly.
“Sleeping on the couch wouldn’t be a punishment.”
“You want to repent so bad?” you joke with mischief painted on your face and yet it doesn’t register on him.
“Of course I do,” Jungkook nods, the playfulness never reaching his ears because he’s entirely serious. “You’re too good for me.”
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the-roo-too · 10 months
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can i request for hanni alphabet? thanks ❤️ - 🌸
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candy -> pham hanni ver
aka the fluff alphabet
admiration (what does she absolutely adore about you)- when hanni writes things, she often gets too critical of herself. thus, she admires how you sometimes gently coax the pen out of her hands just to hug her and remind her that not every lyric she produces has to be perfect <33
body (what’s her favourite body part of yours)- your back (💀) as in if you’re taller than her you are cmon no one is shorter than hanni then she loves to get piggyback rides from you!!
cuddling (how she likes to cuddle)- so you know how she’s shorter than you? well hanni is the big spoon, because someone needs to be the man in this relationship
dates (what’s her ideal date)- hanni loves stay-in dates, where you both just listen to one direction 😙 alternatively you can buy/bake with her bread
emotions (how does she express her emotions around you)- very loud, very expressive, the type to hit you when she’s laughing
family (does she want one)- maybe? hanni has better things to worry about let’s be honest
holding hands (does she like to hold hands)- yes!! duh, she’s a angry little sh when you refuse to hold her hand
injuries (what would she do if you got hurt)- would blink really slowly, not believing you just hurt yourself on her guard. next, depending on how badly you got hurt, she would either rush to help you and/or yell at you
jokes (does she like to joke around)- remember when i said she hits you while laughing? that’s because you don’t laugh at her dad jokes
kisses (how does she like to kiss you)- veri soft like mwah 🤭 cute smooches. if she was tall enough, she would smooch your forehead every chance given but she isn’t
love (what’s her love language)- the passive aggressive way of treating you is basically how she expresses her love. yes, she whines when you say she’s short but at least you don’t get bitten because of that, unlike minji
memory (what’s her favourite memory together)- you coming to the studio with drinks for everyone during recording of omg. that’s how you won the rest of nwjns over btw 💪
nighttime (how does sleeping with her look like)- she’s all over you, literally. hanni turns liquid during the night and she hogs you at least you’re warm
oddity (what’s a quirky thing about her)- the tsundere-ish approach she has to other people 😨 not u tho, she loves you
pet names (what does she like to call you)- bunny/tokki, cutie, lovely! mostly wholesome
quality time (how does she like to spend time with you)- marvel movies! hanni loves movies, especially marvel, so a must during the week for you both is sitting down during the evening and watching at least one movie
rush (does she rush into things)- yes 💀 in many aspects: you mentioned once you liked a particular breed of cats, she had one by your doorstep by the next morning, all panicked because the cat nuzzled into her. you liked a pair of rings you saw while passing by a shop and she bought them, even tho they were wedding bands 👍
secrets (how open is she with you)- oversharing? me thinks yes! wdm you don’t wanna listen to how minji made her coffee with spilled milk by accident but tried to put on a brave face and puked it out during practice later?
time (how long did it take for her to confess)- 0.46 seconds, she was smitten the moment you walked by. hanni thanks those above that her members weren’t there to witness how she fell to her knees, begging for your number and/or a date
upset (what’s her reaction when you’re upset)- she stops the goofyines, her baby is sad! tries to understand what and how she can help you :((
visibility (is she afraid of the public opinion)- not really? hanni believes in bunnies or just, gay people. it can’t get that bad if you two come out, right?
warrior (how often do you fight)- you don’t fight, unless you don’t like one direction. then hanni’s all smitten with you all the time, but turns away with her headphones during car rides, pouting at you
x-ray (is she able to read you)- yea 🫡 she gets all the quirky things you do, making her a translator for all your shared friends
yes (how would she propose to you)- as if she had time to worry about things like that bruh. there’s a comeback happening, wanna come over to the studio and have some fun with the girls?
zen (what makes her feel calm)- remember watching movies with her? if hanni had a rougher day, she loves to put her head on your lap and just kinda stay there, with you. makes her feel calm and safe <3
part of [the fluff series]
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kimetsu-chan · 3 months
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I want to cry.
(Quick rant before getting back to drawing, rant will be under the cut so feel free to skip)
I wanna bawl my freaking eyes out. And puke. And just disappear.
sometimes talking with one of my younger sisters abt anime and ships and stuff makes me so uncomfortable. Because we were in the car talking about Mha ships and I had to say I didn’t really like any ships other than Tsuyu x Tokoyami (even though I do) bc she doesn’t support the lgbt community. And I don’t feel comfy talking about it around her. It’s not in the same way one of my other friends doesn’t support the community (you know who you are, I’m not saying who you are bc I don’t who you have not told yet)
she’s so openly disapproving. And it makes me wanna cry.
she said smth like “there are some ships I HATE and I think you know why.” And I just wanted to curl up and cry. I’m glad I was in the front seat and she was behind me so she couldn’t see my face.
I’m scared for if she ever finds out I’m apart of the community.
I don’t know if I can tell her for a long time because unlike the previously mentioned friend, she’s VERY aggressive. And mostly likely will be like “what the heck ____. What is wrong with you.”
I don’t talk abt the lgbt community around the previously mentioned friend out of respect and to not make them uncomfortable.
I don’t talk abt it around her bc I think she’ll yell at me.
I just
I’ve had a rough past two weeks. With my struggling with eating and just random bursts of overwhelming sadness
I don’t like feeling this way.
I want it to stop.
and anyone who doesn’t support who is reading this, I’m not upset because she doesn’t support it, I’m upset because of how aggressive about it she is.
she is more than allowed to not support it. It’s her choice completely.
I just don’t see the point in being so borderline angry/upset when talking about it.
like, there are some things I myself don’t like. But I’m not gonna be angry at someone bc they like it.
im most definitely gonna delete this later.
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radiohead-spiderman · 4 months
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Annabeth Chase vs Hermione Granger (this is half serious pls do not get upset at this)
We don’t even have to have the Percy vs Harry argument because we, for the most part all agree, that Percy Jackson wipes the FLOOR with Harry “private school” Potter, however, I’ve seen a lot of people compare Annabeth and Hermione and I wanna look more into that, I am a die hard Hermione AND Annabeth fan so ZERO ill will shall be spoke of either of them(unless need be)
I could point out how their general personalities are different but I’m going to start with their trios, starting with, Grover and Percy would NEVER treat Annabeth the way, that Ron and Harry treat Hermione, let me explain,
If Annabeth were to try to dismantle an unjust system built on the mistreatment of house elves, Percy and Grover would’ve IMMEDIATELY been on board, along with the fact that they’d praise her for it. When Hermione was trying to dismantle the way house elves were treated and tried to fix it, Ron and Harry just kinda went “You’re trying to change an unjust system that treats house elves as sub servant?? Well NERD NERD, it’s this way for a reason NERD, your stupid puke badges are DUMB” obviously I’m paraphrasing and being slightly dramatic, but that was basically it.
Before I get yelled at, yes, Hermione had her flaws, yes, Hermione sometimes sucked, HOWEVER, Ron and Harry treated her like dog shit sometimes, that’s not a controversial take or me hating on either Ron or Harry, that’s just canon. You could argue that Percy and or Grover treated Annabeth bad sometimes, but to counter that, no??? They had spats, yeah, sure, WHO doesn’t but NOT to the extent that Ron and Harry were literally ignoring her for, (checks my notes) telling McGonagall about the wizard equivalent of a Ferrari that Harry received with zero clue who it was from, while a serial killer was running loose.
Romione vs Percabeth, Percabeth OBVIOUSLY wins, however, I like Romione so I will be pointing out the positives in it as well as the negatives, while I’ve seen people argue that Romione is unhealthy or toxic(though they’re often dramione shippers??? The call is coming from inside the house) I’d however disagree, Hermione and Ron had a build up, and, by the end of the series(BOOK not movie) they were like THE most compatible of Hermione’s love interests, excluding maybe Viktor, they’re not unhealthy nor were they toxic, all of the arguments and everything that we saw and or read was setting it up, Ron and Hermione, objectively are the most compatible of BOTH of their other love interests, that’s not to say that they’re the healthiest ever, but I’d say their relationship is fairly healthy.
Percabeth is everything to me, and one of the healthiest written relationships I think I’ve ever seen, so, no deep diving into it, here I don’t think.
Anyways, moving on, the “Hermione vs Annabeth” or “Annabeth would totally win against Hermione” debate, I have reached a conclusive consensus,
They wouldn’t fight.
They just wouldn’t, sure, put them in a fight to the death and Annabeth Chase is winning, but still, they just wouldn’t fight.
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genopaint · 3 months
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Week 3 of dragons done and done!! We're still trucking along!
Follow me on twitter if you wanna see them posted daily!
And you can read more info on each of them under the cut!
Day 14 - Bullets Breaker
An aggressive, mean hitman who loves doing what he does. In addition to his weapons, he's also very skilled at CQC. When enraged, the red marks on his body glow and he gets a massive power boost!
Day 15 - Barfodon
These dragons have incredibly sensitive stomachs and get sick when they eat just about anything. The worst part? They'll purposely eat food that upsets their stomach, because projectile vomiting is their main form of attack! Disgusting! What they eat determines what effects their puke has. Jalapenos? Fire puke. Lemons? Electric puke. So on and so forth. Also the spikes on their stomach pulsate when sick
Day 16 - Green
Happy Dragon Appreciation Day! In the year of the Dragon? I suppose I should draw a dragon a lot of people like but doesn't get much new art... So... Here she is! Green is here to help you celebrate and appreciate your favorite Dragons! For those who are new to her, Green is a dragon girl with varying dragon powers and abilities. Her gimmick is that how she's drawn is very different and can be changed on a whim however you like! This is her base design and she's sort of a pseudo sona of sorts?
And here it is with no colors. Usually don't do traditional coloring cause I tend to mess it up but I thought it looked good today!
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Day 17 - Gobblar
These dragons LOVE food. They'll eat any food they can get their hands on! If it's edible, they'll eat it! As such, you see them a lot around humans being used as garbage disposals for unfinished meals. They're kind to humans so they'll get free food.
Day 18 - Altaria
Also surprise it's daily dragon #18! I knew I wanted Altaria to be one of them and since I'm out of it, figured I'll go ahead and do the first fully fanart dragon of this thing right now! Wahoo!
Day 19 - Faerogon
Tiny, fairy like dragons who love in the woods keeping to themselves. They live in trees and sometimes even under large mushrooms! They're famous for how cute they are!
Day 20 - Vesuvius the Great Smog
A terrible dragon that lives high up in a volcano, where no one dares try to fight it. It terrorizes nearby cities for treasures, not with fire breath, but with a horrible smog breath that can linger in cities for months at a time
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billfarrah · 1 year
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the lyrics "this is holy, holy" playing over their love scene. aaAAAhhhHH so weak for that kinda thing
simon covering up for sara yet AGAIN with their mom over the whole august thing 😭 I think he's going to forgive her and get over it pretty fast with what he told wille about not wanting august to destroy families
I was really upset abt wille/felice but I'm mostly over it. It is what it is.
I kinda wish there had been more stakes with Marcus? Don't get me wrong, it was funny how Simon was Not really into him, and they had no chemistry whatsoever, but like... what if they did? What if Simon had actually liked him y'know??
I can't stop thinking about the scene where Wille shows up at Simon's house and tells him he would abdicate for him. For them. It's everything, my favorite scene from the season.
Wille puking when he realizes any chance of leaving his role in life behind is gone!!!!!! 😭
* I love that they used another Elias song and that they used it during a love scene. I had been hoping for the use of Revolution during a sex scene but tbh this was even better
* I don’t think he’s gonna forgive her fast and I don’t want him to. What Sara did was beyond fucked up and I want her to have a good, juicy redemption arc, Simon forgiving her right away totally removes all stakes
* I was upset about Wille/Felice too at first but now that I completely understand the thought process behind it and the message that Lisa was trying to convey as she explained in her live (sometimes you try stuff with friends and it doesn’t work and that doesn’t mean it has to totally ruin your friendship) and I absolutely love their classroom conversation and how Felice called Wille out and wille acknowledged his shitty behaviour. I love that it resolved quickly and their friendship recovered. I love how clear it was that Wille was not using Felice to see if he liked girls or not, because that wasn’t the point - he wanted to see it what he felt with Simon could be replicated with someone else and who better than a close friend like Felice, and this just proved to him that no, I can’t feel this way for anyone else, Simon is it for me, and despite that realization, he still decides to let Simon go. I love the på bordet scene and I love Wille yelling at everyone about how stupid and invasive this tradition is. I love how Simon’s face falls as he realizes wille kissed someone else. I love that it lead to petty, jealous Simon; that was a gift. I also love that Simon never took out his jealousy on Felice or directed it towards her. So as much as I hated watching them kiss - it was yucky - I liked what it caused in the story. It basically sets in motion the switch from Wille chasing Simon to the other way around, which was much needed.
* I disagree about Marcus. There were many angles they could have used for this “love triangle” and this is the one they chose; I think it worked brilliantly. Because the point was never about who Simon was going to choose, and ultimately it didn’t matter if Simon really liked Marcus or not; he’s batshit crazy in love with Wille and nothing was gonna change that. The point with Marcus was that the easier option is not always the best or right option. Like yeah, Marcus likes him openly and there’s less drama and it’s chill, but he’s flawed in his own ways. He’s pushy and manipulative and he doesn’t set Simon’s soul on fire like Wille does. Wille makes Simon creative and passionate and a better person; Marcus just made him feel small. The ultimate question was what was Simon willing to sacrifice for love; his priorities needed to be examined and Marcus existed to give him that push, as Lisa said, and Simon ultimately decided fuck it, nothing is certain in life, I just wanna be with Wille. Simon was far too in love with Wille for Marcus to ever have a chance, so I’m honestly glad Simon didn’t feel anything for him.
* Yes, the scene outside Simon’s house is everything, I LOVE that Rosh and Ayub were there. Wille was so brave to speak his truth in front of them, when we know how scared he is of public speaking. He made that risk for Simon. I also love that he kept his distance and literally gave Simon space, and didn’t try to touch him or sway him with anything other than his honest words. “You have to do what’s best for you, Simon.” Things are no longer just on Wille’s terms, as Simon expressed last season. It’s poetic.
* Edvin killer that scene; I genuinely believed he was throwing up, it was so realistic. His performance this season was god-like.
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babyjakes · 2 years
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pear-scented soap. [blurb.]
〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉
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summary | steve knows just how to calm you down when he finds you cowering in a mess of your own sick.
pairing | daddy!steve rogers x little!reader
warnings | sfw regression (daddy!steve little!reader), puke/throw up, past trauma with parents getting upset over throwing up, scared!little!reader, SOFT!steve so soft he’s the softest ever!!, big hurtcomfort vibes
word count | 477
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requested by anon | I feel like hurt/comfort for throwing up or having a fear of being sick would be so cute with Chris or Steve 🥺 or like hurt/comfort because reader has been sick and made a mess and is scared because when they were younger they had shitty parents who got angry at them for puking, 💕🥺
an | hey friend thankyou so much for your request, and sorry it took so so so long for me to write it!! i kind of just imagined baby eun and her safe!dad!steve for this one since she gets tummy aches quite a bit, hope you enjoy!
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“Oh, baby,” Steve exhales as soon as his searching eyes find you cowering near the end of the hallway, sat in a puddle of your own vomit with big warm tears rolling down your puffy cheeks.
Flinching at the sound of his voice, you let out a hoarse whimper, lowering your head in shame and fear as the tall man begins to approach you, his knees bent in hopes of appearing less intimidating.
“Sweetheart, what happened?” your daddy’s voice calls, only causing more anxiety to build in your chest as your bottom lip wobbles, your salty tears mixing in with the sour taste of your sick at your mouth.
Too frightened to respond, you simply squeak in fear, the pathetic sounds of your whimpering breaking the gentle man’s heart as he stands now only a few feet away from you, crouching down onto his knees.
“You get a tummy ache, honey? That’s okay; everyone gets sick sometimes, sweetie. Daddy’s not angry with you; you’re not in trouble.”
“’m s-sorry, Daddy… r-really sorry,” you ramble, unable to bring your watery eyes up to meet his soft blue gaze.
“Shh-shh shhh, pumpkin. No need for sorries; can Daddy pick you up, sweet girl? Wanna bring you to the bathroom and get you all cleaned up.”
“N-no bath, please, no bath,” you begin to beg, your stomach starting to ache again at just the thought of being forced into the water.
“Hey, okay, sweetheart,” Steve agrees as he shushes you gently, reaching out as carefully as he can and gathering you into his arms. “We don’t have to take a bath, peanut. How about Daddy takes a nice warm washcloth and cleans you off, and then we can get you into some new, clean jammies and snuggle. That sound okay, bub?”
“N-no bath?” you ask again, blinking heavily as you’re lifted into the air and carried to the washroom.
Setting you down on the counter, Steve brushes your hair back from your face, leaning down and planting a kiss on your feverish forehead. “No bath, doll. Just a nice warm cloth, and some baby soap. Remember, the stuff we got you that smells like pears?”
“Gonna smell yummy again,” you tell yourself innocently as Steve grabs a soft cloth from the cabinet, wetting it with tepid water before pumping out a bit of the sweet-scented foam and returning to you.
“That’s right, sweet girl. Gonna smell aalll yummy again, gonna have to be careful, Daddy just might eat you up,” he teases lightly as he brings the cloth up to wipe at your face, taking a moment to brush his thumb over your cheek once it’s clean, looking you in the eyes. “Gonna get you feeling all better, princess,” he whispers softly, and the look in his eyes is more than enough to convince you that he means it. “Promise.”
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buggy-samaaa · 7 months
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S/I Part 2
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8
Buggy: Hey, Mo, wha… what are you doing?
Me: *head over the railing of the ship as we sail* blrgh
Buggy: Oh, no, not on my ship. NOT ON MY SHIP
Me: BLRGH
Buggy: *high pitched scream*
Me: S-Sorry… Captain… *is green around the gills* I’m still getting my sea legs…
Buggy: *looks over the side of the ship, which is. very gross now* Why did I look at it—
Me: Oogh… I’m… BLRGH *barely managed to get over the side again*
Buggy: *gripping his face and dragging his hands down his cheeks in silent horror*
Later…
Buggy: *crossing his fingers in front of himself as if to ward off a curse* Mo are you um are you feeling any better now? *is ready to leap away from me at any moment*
Me: BL—
Buggy: *high pitched scream, cowers*
Me: Just kidding, aheheheh
Buggy: *flames of rage around him* *they extinguish* well I’m glad you’re not puking anymore.
Me: So kind…
Buggy: It was disgusting. Also it’s your job to clean it off now.
Me: So mean…
Later still…
Me: *scrubbing the side of the ship*
Buggy: Done yet, peanut gallery?
Me: Almost… *lifts scrub brush, swings it around to dip into more soapy water, almost hits Buggy with it*
Buggy: GAH!
Me: Sorry *dip dip, scrub scrub* Heheheh
Buggy: *rubs the back of his neck* When you -are- done… did you… wanna do somethin?
Me: Let me guess, you want me to swab the deck? Clean poop off the crow’s nest? Polish the mast?
Buggy: Polish the…? No, no, I was, um… I was wondering if you’d like to… aw, never mind! *stomps away grumpily*
Me: Wait!
Buggy: *stops mid-step and turns around* WHAT? *is angry with himself, not with me…*
Me: *thinks he’s angry at me* :’) N-Never mind…
Buggy: …I’ll see you later… *leaves, sighing at himself and grumbling with frustration*
At lunchtime…
Buggy: *walks into the galley*
Me: *eating food* Hey! Captain! Hi! *waves excitedly*
Buggy: Uh. Hi, Mo. *he is still feeling upset about earlier. He gets food and makes to go back to his quarters to eat by himself*
Me: Eat with me!
Buggy: Huh? You want me to eat with you?
Me: Yeah! I want to get to know you better. *smiles and gestures at the spot across from me*
Buggy: …Well… *shuffles around bashfully* FINE but it’s because I want to, not because you asked!
Me: Heheh okay.
Buggy: *plops tray down and sits grumpily* Hmph… so, what’s up?
Me: *chuckles at his flip-flopping emotions* I liked playing the drinking game the other night. Maybe we could do something like that again sometime.
Buggy: *happily* Yeah!! *face drops* I mean, um… yeah. Whatever is fine.
Me: *grins, eats some more*
Buggy: *eats, trying not to smile, too* Um… about what I asked you that night… I want to know about your past. Why did you get quiet when I asked about friends?
Me: *gets quiet again, shoveling food in my mouth so I don’t have to talk*
Buggy: >:| Hrm… Come on, I’m the captain, you have to tell me!
Me: *swallows* Nuh-uh!
Buggy: YEAH-HUH! *slams table with his fist, hurts hand, hisses at the pain*
Me: Heheheh…
Buggy: Shut up! Just… a little bit of info, p… ugh. …please? *it hurts him to say the p word*
Me: *shocked that he said please* *I set down my fork* I, um… I don’t have friends. *picks up fork and eats more, looking away*
Buggy: Oh…
Me: *suddenly very interested in looking at my plate*
Buggy: *sets a hand on my arm* We’re your friends, now. *he give me a smile. then realizes he’s being a sap, and he takes his hand away like I burned him* And that’s final! Get used to it! *stuffs food in his mouth*
Me: *can’t help but smile and chuckle*
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cheetee · 1 year
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Oneshot: TV Episodes from another point of view
Some scenes from EncantoTV from Bruno's POV, because sometimes i get the urge for platonic angst/fluff and I can't be arsed doing all the buildup again so.
feat. swear words, local man full of love and internal screaming.
Nobody had warned Bruno about teenagers. Isabela had been twelve the last time he'd been around. His little nieces had grown up since. Grown up, God help him! He hadn't known what to say to them on his return, but they surprised him with a bottle of wine and a tearful private reunion, where they drunkenly caught him up on all the family drama. They were no longer just kids to be raised now, but young adults eager to befriend him, happy to see him return home. It made less difference to them: they were grown. It was the kids that were the problem.
Antonio was a dream. He was just like Mirabel at that age, although terribly shy around strangers; once Antonio realised that Bruno would answer questions, listen to animal facts and let him play in mud he was instantly sold on this 'new uncle' idea. But Mirabel? Lord have mercy, Camilo? Bruno thought he was doing okay until Julieta and Pepa left him in charge.
Boy, he was not doing okay at being the adult in the house. 
We're the Madrigals. We're the family that protects the Encanto.
The person in charge is you. So what plan did you come up with?
I don't wanna hear another word.
Don't talk to Mirabel like that.
Bruno had been playing the last tense conversation he'd had with the kids in his head over and over again, knots of guilt and fear coiling in his stomach. Tomorrow he'd have to man up and talk to people in the village, make plans, deliver news of another catastrophic vision. It made him want to puke. But right now all he could do was fix the mess he'd made with Mirabel and Camilo, who had definitely lost what misguided respect for him they might have developed.
Don't talk to Mirabel like that.
Oh, Camilo could be cruel, that was fine. Bruno knew enough about teens to handle that part. But it was the righteousness in those his words that got him the most. Díos mio, why had he talked to Mirabel like that? She'd only been trying to help, and putting his foot down had made the light fade from her eyes in a way he hoped to never see again. Mirabel had gone completely empty, and smiled a placating nothing-smile at him, and Camilo had looked at him with so much hate. Antonio had gotten teary-eyed and asked them not to fight. Lord, Bruno had wanted to do the same. He didn't want to fight. He didn't want to fight at all.
And here he was, an idiot who had not only taken control of the situation too late, but successfully hurt everyone's feelings in the process! Round of applause! Standing ovation for Bruno, he's fucked up personally and practically! Bruno ran his hands through his hair and groaned.
Mirabel. He needed to make things right with her; if he did, then Camilo would, at the very least, be vindicated. Why had Bruno shut her down? She would've listened to him if he'd just asked her to. Mirabel, the little girl who'd brought him home and stood up for him when nobody else would! And what had he done? Grounded her. Mirabel had once told Bruno he was the best friend she'd ever had. He'd cried. 
And now look at him! He made himself walk up the stairs and approach her bedroom door.
Tío Bruno. Tío Bruno. He was Tío Bruno, wise and funny and warm. He was not a flaming hot dumpster fire tearing his own brain to shreds. He was Tío Bruno, the best friend Mirabel had ever had (don't cry), and he was going to talk to his niece and gently tell her he was sorry and it would be fine.
"Mirabel?" he called, knocking on her door. "C-can we talk?"
A stutter in his voice. He listened; silence, but no snoring.
"It's okay if you're upset," he continued, "I understand if you don’t want to talk... I mean, I can - I’ll just talk. You don’t have to talk. I wanted to say sorry. Um. Can I come in?"
The silence was starting to make him wonder if she was in there at all. She could've gone to the bathroom. He hadn't heard that. Or...
"Mirabel," he repeated, with a sense of rising urgency. 
No response.
He creaked the door open. 
Dark room. The curtains fluttered in the moonlight, with Mirabel's large window open, a newly-formed staircase swirling away from the open window and down to the ground.
Bruno stared for a long moment. 
Then he said, tiredly, "Casita, really?"
The door creaked apologetically shut. Bruno stood there for a moment, mind empty, and then - for lack of any other ideas - smacked his head against the door and hoped for a concussion.
"Ow," he said. He didn't get one.
He lingered there for a moment. Then he peeled himself off the door, groaned, and began to sprint down the hall.
*
There were a couple of things Bruno hated about being sick. The year 1969 was one of them.
It was an ordeal. His head was pounding, his nose was running, and every time he sneezed he learned something different about 1969. He decided quickly that it was the worst year ever invented. Sometimes he'd be lucky enough to glimpse something else, like a bit of the nineties. Not that any of the visions were pleasant; it was confusing and disorienting and made his sinuses hurt. But 1969 stung especially badly. Why then? Nothing interesting happened in 1968, as far as he knew. No election. Another war, but there was always another war. And he hated the boy bands. 
Bruno pinched his nose and squinted, holding off another barrage of sneezing, and cursed God for inventing snow. Snow made his magic go haywire, his magic made his body weaker, and his bad luck ensured he'd come down with something within the week.
Of course, one of the other things he hated about being sick, which was less fun to think about, was dying alone.
The thought was irrational, but ten years of habit kept it fresh in his mind. Too many times curled up behind the walls, desperately trying to muffle his coughing, aching and nauseous. It swirled around his brain like an unwelcome guest. Nobody knows you're here. Nobody will find you. If you get worse, nobody will help you. If you die they won’t even find your body.
Of course, with Julieta's magic not working on him, the possibility was a lot fresher on his mind than it would be otherwise. It was a stupid thought. He had a cold, for goodness' sake, not the plague. And yet...
There weren't even any rats. Where were they? He hadn't even seen any that morning. They'd abandoned him too, then, along with his health and Julieta's magic. That was a problem that would need solving... at some point.
Bruno sneezed. Painful green light flashed behind his eyes.
Oh, please, say to me you'll let me be your man, and please, say to me you'll let me hold your hand, you'll let me hold your hand, I want to hold your hand...
"Shut up," he groaned, sinking his head into his hands.
He stayed there for a long moment, nursing his headache, trying to dispel the dread that was rattling around his skull. He forgot, for a moment, that his room was no longer a secret and he was no longer a stranger to the children; he nearly jumped out of his skin when Mirabel knocked on the door, then nudged it open with her hip, a tray of things probably sent by a fussing Julieta in her hands. He straightened himself up as quickly as possible, rubbing his nose and trying to look normal. 
"Mirabel," he said, "Everything okay?"
“Yeah!” she said brightly. “Just checking in!”
Although it was clear from the over-cheerful way she was carrying herself that everything wasn't okay. There was something tugging at her eyes as she spoke, as though she were checking for some invisible enemy. It probably wasn't one of those; it was probably an emotional problem. Mirabel was fifteen and didn't have many enemies. Bruno tried to ask her about it and instead had to stifle another sneeze, which showed him the image or a long-haired man with large, flared pants and immediately made him forget what he was going to say. 
He saw Mirabel wince and suddenly worried he was making her uncomfortable. She probably had better ways to spend her time than porting things to her disgusting invalid uncle. "Did your mom put you up to this?" he asked.
"No!" She laughed nervously, exaggerating her smile too much to be convincing. "I just thought we should hang out! And do... healthy... activities."
He cocked an eyebrow. Mirabel, at this level of hyperactivity, usually didn't last more than a few hours without cracking and admitting what was wrong.
She deflated. "Okay, well, I'm kind of avoiding the village at the moment."
Now that was a feeling Bruno knew well. He wished - not for the first time - that he'd done more to protect her reputation, that she had turned out as well-liked as her sisters. This room was often Mirabel's shelter when she felt alone, the same way it had once been Bruno’s; he wouldn't kick her out if that was what she needed, even if he could use a nap. "Well, consider me at your service," he told her, although the house slapped him in the knees when he tried to accompany her out.
He stretched his arms, sniffed, and grabbed his copy of Ficciones from the shelf. He fretted for a moment with the cover, wondering if Mirabel was being bullied, if Abuela had been talking to her again, if she'd had another dream about the fall. Should he have pushed? No, no, she needed her privacy. --But should he have pushed?
She sat at his table, now cluttered beyond recognition, obscuring the crayon plate drawing, her tongue stuck out in concentration. Mirabel's drawings were good. Too ambitious to be realistic, of course. Too much focus on the drawing, not the design. But she was excellent for her age, her lack of aptitude overcome by studious practice and hard work. Bruno read his book and scowled at the way his nose was running and idly munched empanadas in the hopes one of them would cure him.
(He didn't notice that the dread had eased, that his thoughts had drifted elsewhere; but then, he rarely noticed, in the moment, that it had happened, not until it was over.)
*
When things went a little wrong, Bruno found it hard to keep it together. But when things completely fell apart, when everything was ruined and unimaginably bad, when disaster stuck harder than anyone could have thought? Bruno found himself extraordinarily able to keep it together. He found that if he needed to, he could keep his head straight through a whole day of hell on earth and only start screaming once it was over.
When they found the bleeding figure of Professor Dunnock, his hands weakly holding a terrible sword wound, Bruno held his head straight and told Luisa what to do. The ease with which he could take charge comforted him. He could be brave, as long as Mirabel and Luisa were there; his two youngest nieces, who needed him more than he needed to break down. 
Mirabel said, "Just ten minutes. I'll be right behind you. Please."
Bruno barely had time to worry about Mirabel's safety. The white man, if he could be saved, would soon cross the point of no return. "Ten minutes," said Bruno, and then shoved his fear into a mental locker to pull out later.
Julieta didn't often treat injuries this dire. When she saw Dunnock her attention was immediately on him. She had the instincts of a medic, always had; perhaps in another life she’d have been a doctor, a nurse, somebody who helped people using just her knowledge. Perhaps it was for the best she had her Gift, at least for her current patient.
They set him on the kitchen table, having no better operating table. Julieta spoke softly to the man, took a spoonful of milk, and tilted his head back. "Here, you'll feel better," she whispered, "Just drink a little, cariño, just a spoonful, for me..."
Every sip of liquid closed the wound a little more, and as the injury went from dire to bad to merely painful, a sheen of sweat appeared on Julieta's face; her magic, usually so plentiful, was finally running low, draining her energy. Eventually she reached a point where her patient was recovering, even if he was still unconscious. It was only then she stopped, gently arranged his sleeping form to be more comfortable, and took his hand.
"Thank you for being kind to my daughter," she whispered to the sleeping professor. Then she turned to Luisa, opening her arms for a hug, and held her; Luisa carried her to the sofa, and they fell asleep there, both exhausted from the day's antics.
Not Bruno, though. Bruno was running on overdrive. It had been twenty-five minutes and Mirabel wasn't there.
Bruno didn't remember the sword that killed his father, of course. But he'd never forgotten that violence had taken everything from his mother, that Pedro Madrigal had died helpless at swordpoint. Touching the handle of Simón's sword had made him want to vomit. He hadn't realised how deeply the idea of losing anyone else to the blade frightened him until he saw Dunnock shaking and bleeding in that tent, and now, with Mirabel absent, he had to know what would happen.
He didn't bother with his room; stress had brought the vision itching at the edge of his awareness. He collapsed against the wall and turned his eyes towards the future.
— Mirabel, running through the trees, hiding, peeking. She stares at someone —
A blade on her hip — she holds it and steps forward —
a figure with a sword — they stare at each other —
the figure swings — Mirabel defends —
— blood in the mountain spring — Mirabel's blade, clattering to the ground —
— Mirabel —
No! No! Show him anything, anything, anything except the dead body of Mirabel. He couldn't look.
Bruno cut the vision off with a gasp. The dust swirling around him settled. He panted, slumping, letting the wall catch him. 
She'd lied. She wasn't looking for Antonio. Of course she wasn't. She'd taken that stupid machete and gone looking for Dunnock's attacker. Gone after the murderer.
And she would find him. And she would fight him.
She'd stopped trusting him the moment he ran his mouth and insulted her. Mirabel, you're not like us. But what could he say about that now? It was sickeningly true. Mortal, defenceless Mirabel. She had no magic between herself and her attacker. No Gift to protect her. All she had to save her now was Bruno.
A burst of adrenaline made him push himself off the wall and start running. Sprint out of the house, find a horse, find the spring. If he hadn't seen her body then she could still be unhurt. Still be stopped. Still be saved.
He remembered when Mirabel was born. She’d had a difficult birth. (Fifteen years ago; had it really been that long?) She'd been born early, all red and breathing funny, and an exhausted Julieta fell into a troubled sleep; Agustín had handed Mirabel to Bruno for a moment, just one, and Bruno had looked down at her, and Agustín had panted, "Will she be alright?"
Bruno looked down at the baby and carefully looked for her future. He saw it there, just a glimpse, a memory of something not yet passed. Mirabel, a child, and Bruno, her uncle, and a memory of love, of fondness, of friendship. Yes, Mirabel would live. Mirabel would live and Bruno sensed that they would be friends someday.
Bruno nodded, smiling so hard his face hurt, and Agustín had thrown his arms around him and sobbed, and they had hugged in exhausted joy with the baby cradled between them. It had been the best vision Bruno had ever had.
(Later it would turn out the blood in the vision was from her hand, not anywhere else. When he saw her cradling it, gasping and pale and blissfully alive, he realised he'd come too late after all; that if the blade had swung a few inches closer, then-- 
She looked scared and tired, her hand held painfully to her chest. Her bravery had almost taken everything from him. He kissed her forehead, aching. I love you, he thought, I love you, I love you, never do that to me, never do that to anyone, please, never, never again. "You dumb kid," he said, his heart breaking, "You're killin' me.")
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theboardwalkbody · 1 year
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Mike Shinoda's album Post-Traumatic would absolutely destroy Carmy and Richie.
It was after Chester's suicide, a lot of songs are about his feelings regarding the loss and the effects of how people talk to him about stuff and how it effects his career. It's about his grief and his anger and his frustration and his uncertainty towards the future.
Over Again is obvious. Probably the main one. It's directly about finding out he's gone, about playing a show/going back to work without him, about how people keep asking him if he's OK and how he's obviously not and being asked constantly is frustrating. It's about the grief coming back out of nowhere. It's about not finding closure. It's about saying goodbye repeatedly.
--
Sometimes, sometimes you don't say goodbye once
You say goodbye over and over and over again
Over and over and over again
--
But I think about what I'm supposed to do and I don't know
'Cause I think about not doing it the same way as before
And it makes me wanna puke my fucking guts out on the floor
--
I get tackled by the grief at times that I would least expect
--
"How do you feel, how you doing, how'd the show go?"
Am I insane to say the truth is that I don't know
My body aches heads spinning this is all wrong
I almost lost it in middle of a couple songs
And everybody that I talk to is like, "wow
Must be really hard to figure out what to do now"
Well thank you genius, you think it'll be a challenge
Only my life's work hanging in the fucking balance
And all I wanted was to get a little bit of closure
And every step I took I looked and wasn't any closer
'Cause sometimes when you say goodbye, yeah, you say it
Over and over and over and over...
_______
There's Place to Start which is definitely about feeling lost without him.
--
Did somebody else define me
Can I put the past behind me
Do I even have a decision
Feeling like I'm living in a story already written
--
Cause I'm tired of the fear that I can't control this
I'm tired of feeling like every next step's hopeless
_____
Hold It Together, focusing on feeling like your not in control anymore and trying to not break apart. Also, there's a line here I feel hits really hard in relation to Richie, what with him having a kid as well. So also kinda about people bringing it up at inappropriate times and not thinking about what they're asking and if it's an appropriate time or place.
---
She said "are you okay?"
And I'm staring into space
It's making her nervous 'cause one thing is certain
I don't have my head on straight
--
I have to admit that I'm struggling
They say take it slow
But the world keeps spinning
And that I don't control
And so there I go
Trying to act normal
So they won't know that
I'm just trying to hold my shit together
---
They say that they sympathize
I'm grateful they take the time
But bringing it up at this six year old's birthday
It kinda fucks up my vibe
We end on an awkward note
I make the most awkward joke
Too dark to be funny
I shouldn't have come it'd be weird to go home
And I'm struggling
___
Plus the rest of the album has really good points, too.
Like About You taking about how even when the topic isn't about him it seems to always circle back around to him either by people bringing him up, jumping to that conclusion, or because of the grief or memories popping in. Crossing A Line being about how moving on and continuing to live life in a way that makes sense for himself is going to get people saying he's crossing a line and not upset over what happened or that he's over it and how that's not true.
I think Richie would vibe with the album. Carmy, I think, would run from it like a house on fire.
Richie doesn't seem to mind facing his emotions. Carmy runs from them and especially runs from topics that remind him of his brother and this would hit way too on the head for him to deal with ATM (they're music tastes aside since it's never been mentioned really, I don't think).
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Tw: gender dysphoria, rant (kind of)
I got an anon one day that said something like,"lmao why do you wanna get top surgery when you could just be a man with breasts? It's so fucking stupid lol I don't get it like I don't get why you wouldn't want to be a guy with tits it's hot like who doesn't like a man with big breasts blah blah blah I guess you just don't have the range lololol you're weak for that" (just blocked them immediately but I've seen this behavior sprinkled around still.)
Because perhaps it's MY type of gender dysphoria. PERSONALLY I don't fucking want breasts. I hate them. I wish I could cut them off with scissors.
I didn't think it was some "weird phenomenon" for a trans masc person to want top surgery. I didn't think "top surgery shaming" was a thing.
Yes it's 100000% okay for a trans masc person to want to keep every part of them. That's them. It's not me. I don't give a shit what other people do with their bodies, so why is it such a horrible thing for me to want to remove the biggest thing that gives me stomach churning gender dysphoria.
It should also be perfectly fine for a trans masc person to want top surgery or bottom surgery or to go on testosterone. I don't want to fucking bind my chest anymore. I don't like cleavage. My breasts are B cups, but that's not small enough for me. Even if they were A cups, I would still want them to be non existent.
I think about, dream about, and even draw myself without breasts. I draw myself with top surgery scars even.
Think for one second, person. You're talking to a trans person with dysphoria. You're asking a dysphoric person why they would want to get surgery. I don't care if you think it's "hot" or not. I am not a fetish, I'm a fucking person.
One more time, just in case:
If you're a trans masc who enjoys your breasts and doesn't want top surgery. It's perfectly fine, good, please keep doing what you're doing and what makes you happy
I'm not upset with you folks at all. I'm talking about this weird need some people have to try and dissuade other trans mascs from getting or even just wanting top surgery.
My chest makes me so dysphoric, sometimes I just want to puke.... I will continue drawing my self insert with top surgery scars when he's shirtless. I hope so badly one day I'll get top surgery. I just want to be my true self. What I do with my body doesn't affect you at all.
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ghost-proofbaby · 11 days
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Hi ghost it's me the girl formally known as guitar anon, also formally known as a girlfriend.
So we broke up a little over a month ago. There was this whole drama with his parents and money that I don't know the whole story about. He either left their place or got kicked out I'm not sure. This all happened the day after me and him went to a concert together and I really thought everything was fine. Jokes on me I guess 🙃
But I'm telling him that he can stay at my place with me and my parents until he figures something out bc at that time I'm just freaking the fuck out and feel like my world is crashing down. Little did I know. Cause like 3 days later he's like hey I can't handle being in a relationship while I deal with all this. And like I get it. It's fucking stressful. But like all I wanted to do was help him and I felt helpless.
We still talk somewhat frequently. Less so now. He gets an apartment. He talks to his parents again. It's been like two weeks and I can barely function. He invites me to his housewarming party (which was last night). I wanted to go but I didn't want to go but I knew if I didn't I'd feel worse thinking about the what ifs. So I trudge through my shit show of a life for two more weeks and make it to yesterday.
I go with the friend that set us up and her husband. His parents are there. That hurt more than I thought it would bc I never thought I'd see them again and I somehow got it into my head that they'd be mad at me. I walk in the door and his mom is like oh I missed you and hugs me and I hug her so hard bc I literally dreamt about her a few days ago telling me that everything would be okay. I tell her I miss her too. She says maybe me and her son can get back together soon. Me and him just look at each other. Later I get so drunk I throw up. Sometime when this is happening his dad tells my friend that he's so pissed that his son broke it off with me bc I am a nice girl. They probably felt bad bc I was puking up my guts at the time too. Which I have never done before so I guess that was another first I can check off.
When we leave I hug him and tell him I miss him and he says he knows. And he says to tell my parents hi and I say well neither of them wanted me to come tonight and I couldn't quite read his face he was either upset or pissed off but I'm not gonna lie it kind of made me happy.
I don't know what to do bc I was going to tell him I loved him. And then he broke up with me but he still wants me around. Mostly. And it's drudged up a bunch of issues I thought I had dealt with and I can't think of anything else and it's driving me insane. I just don't know when to quit bc I don't want to bc we were fine and then we weren't and nothing even happened. I'm sorry if this is too much and too depressing but I went to you with all the fun stuff so you can have some of the sad too.
🙃
oh babe :-( i just wanna wrap you up in a hug.
i can sort of understand the whole "maybe i shouldn't be in a relationship while my life is crashing down", but it also just sounds like a panicked decision on his part?? part of a relationship is being there for someone through good and bad, being there for the other person when shit goes down. the downfall, of course, is that you can't force someone to let you be there for that. if someone doesn't want support, it can be nearly impossible to force it upon them, y'know?
i think if it keeps on affecting you negatively, at some point, you've got to set that boundary for yourself as well. if he's allowed to set his boundaries, so are you.
do not set yourself on fire to keep anyone else warm, no matter how much you love them - that is the best advice i've ever received.
i'm sorry, hun. i'm giving you all the virtual hugs
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bunniesovercats · 1 year
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Sometimes when I'm at work, all I can think about is shitty things that happened when I was younger OTL I can't post about them anywhere my mom can see them because every time I wanna open up to anyone about my childhood I get guilt tripped by her crying and then I can't.
So I'm just gonna rant about it on here, please feel free to ignore.
Idk what set it off in my head today but there are several things I'm stuck remembering on loop today.
For example;
When I was in middle school, my mom with with this guy Jason. He was great to me, but not so much to her, and it got to the point where my mom started renting a house for us to move into and not live with him anymore.
So all our stuff is moved into this new house, we're staying there just fine for like a month.
Then the two of them make up, and mom decided to have me stay at his house while she spent the night there. I only brought my laptop stuff to keep me busy, and the clothes on my back because I didn't realize we were spending the night.
No big deal, I just sleep on the couch in jeans and a old Tshirt. That one night, turned into an entire week. I had to spend an entire week on his couch sleeping in the same clothes without being able to shower, and nothing to do but go on my laptop.
I had gotten so frustrated that I started stress crying and my mom was like ' why are you crying?'
And I told her I had been stuck in the same clothes for a week straight and wanted to go home.
She said something along the lines of ' well why didn't you say so? I could've gone to the house and gotten you clothes.' and acted like it was my fault I was upset.
Later on, when they officially broke up (I can't remember which of these happened first, I think I've got it in the right order.)
My mom was super upset about it, like really upset. I came home from school one day and found her on the couch, with a pot full of puke in it next to her on the floor. Her friend had taken her drinking, and she had gotten so drunk she couldn't get up off the couch without needing to puke in the bucket.
She was crying and screaming like crazy about him hurting her like this (the breakup) and demanded (through drunken slurring and sobbing) that I text him and tell him what was going on and how it was his fault. I said I didn't want to do that, and she screamed at me to do it, then when I didn't respond because I was panicking, she yelled at me to give her my phone.
I think she passed out after that, and I ended up calling one of her friends to come help me because as a 13/14 year old I had no idea what to do. We ended up spending the night over an hour away from home and I missed school the next day.
Didn't get an apology for that but I could tell her friend was mad at her for doing something so stupid.
Later on, el and I were at my house when she got home from work. We had school the next day but it wasn't unusual for us to stay at one another's house since we went to school together. Well she's drunk again, and going on and on about how Jason won't give her her mail etc etc and says she's going to go get it herself. This was around 8 at night, and I'm anxious and freaking because my mom is about to go drive drunk again, and she laughs and says ' if I'm not back in an hour I probably got arrested!'
An hour passes after she leaves, I'm trying and trying to call her, no answer or anything despite the rings going through. I wait a little longer and el has to call their mom to pick us up and go to their house. So we turn off all the lights, lock the doors and wait outside for els mom.
After we get there, they try to cheer me up, we drink hot chocolate and watch that one tooth fairy movie with the rock in it.
Well we're laying down, I'm getting ready to sleep and els stepdad comes up and says my mom is here. My mom spins this bullshit story that her phone died, and when she got home she saw all the lights on and the front door wide open and she was so scared and what was I thinking she was coming right back.
She took me home, lectured me, and then made me sleep in her bed, then kept me up til like 3-4 am just demeaning me while still tipsy.
That winter she and Jason had another fight, and while driving the two of us home was hysterically crying and ranting while purposely swerving her truck around on the icy road.
Fuck, when we were living with Jason his dog pissed all over my mattress and they threw it out, so all I had was a wooden frame to sleep on. I ended up spending half the year sleeping on a pile of clothes in my fucking closet.
That's not even getting into all the other bullshit things.
Like when I was a second grader my mattress had a spring pop out and cut my shin ( the mark is still there, that's how bad it was) I cried and sobbed and she got annoyed with me when she tries to bandage it up.
Whenever I was excited to see my dad she would guilt the shit out of me and complain about how I 'worshipped' my dad.
Most of my childhood summers were spent being shoved off on a family member in another state like my grandma or great aunt Sally. If I complained, or cried, she would tell at me and guilt me and say how bad she felt.
During middle and highschool she would come home from work wasted and it was a 50/50 chance of her being mad or sobbing. Then she would say all sorts of demeaning patronizing shit. Especially if I didn't clean up the mess of a house to her standards. It was hard to do so since every morning she would trash the place before heading to work.
' oh Alex I live you, but you just don't get it'
' I could've been a model for Victoria secret, if I just didn't get with your dad or Anthony.'
' you could be a model too if you just took care of yourself.'
Mind you, she would complain about my god awful rotten teeth and poor hygiene, but never helped me form those habits as a child. Then she would actively take the fucking toothpaste to work with her and keep it in her purse??? Like yeah my teeth are rotting what the fuck am I supposed to brush with? And I couldn't spend any money on that sort of thing because the money she gave me went to food ( school lunches, dollar store foods to get me by). She also never took me to a dentist unless it was absolutely necessary; in the fifth grade most of my teeth had to be pulled kind of necessary. I cried at the dentist for like thirty minutes before they could start on me, and she got pissy with me and complained about how it had been like two hours and I needed to stop crying already.
I just- aubdizjwjoxndksks AUGH I'm so mad thinking about it all, I'll probably add to this later to get more off my chest.
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