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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 3 years

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Life Goes On

This if for @buckybarnesplumwhore

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape; grieving, funeral, breeding, handcuffs, warnings are not exhaustive so read at your own discretion.

This is dark! Andy Barber x reader and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Synopsis: You volunteer at the local youth center but when one of the kids meets an unfortunate end, you cross paths with his father. No stranger to grief, you try to help him cope but find it a bigger than task that you expected.

Note: When I started writing, I had no plan. When I kept writing, there was still no plan. And then it just all kinda happened.

Thanks to everyone for sticking around and putting up with me and thanks in advance for all your feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

It was too sunny for a funeral. A funeral come too soon.

The service was held out in the sun, rows of wooden chairs and a sombre old priest. You never knew if the Barbers were religious but it was easy to find a holy man in Massachusetts, as easy as those early years of settlement found in textbooks.

There were no flowers, only two oblong caskets shrouded in black cloth, the name of each of the dead on silver placards, no pictures, no souvenir of who they were.

It was like Andy was already trying to forget them. He was at the front, the grieving widower and father. You were lost somewhere in the middle with his co-workers, there out of propriety more than empathy, and distant relatives who attended out of courtesy, some passing acquaintances who followed the story in the papers more than out of compassion. It was a spectacle and Andy had done his best from feeding the leering onlookers.

You knew Jacob more than his parents. He was younger than you, almost ten years apart. You knew him from the youth group you volunteered for, the same one you'd been in at his age. He was out of place there, he was from a better neighbourhood than the other kids, they called him the rich brat, and he resented himself more for it than he did them.

His attendance kept his mother happy. He didn't like the individual counseling, he didn't talk, so she put him in the group and he talked there. Sometimes. The kids never went on philosophical monologues but they understood each other and shared what they needed to.

Laurie was always late to pick him up. So he stayed to help stack the chairs and you ended up waiting with him, making sure he wasn't alone in the dark. He hated that at first too, until he realised you weren't on the stoop to council or judge. You were just two people, chatting to pass the time.

Sometimes Andy picked him up. He was friendlier than Laurie. Jacob's mother was always in a rush, even on her way home where there was no deadline. She said thanks, maybe, and drove off as she began to lecture Jacob about how he wore his hat. Andy offered you a ride, every time, as if he had some compulsion to be the good guy, the saviour. You always said no, the bus was a five minute ride to your building, fifteen minutes if you walked.

Now Jacob was dead, his mother too. Another tragedy inflicted upon those least likely. Even death didn't stop the whispers, even that venue, the priest's collar, the Biblical dirges, the grim family man in black did not silence them. It sickened you as the service ended and the people rose in a hushed murmur.

Andy left without talking to anyone. The procession of cars would drive through the streets with flags to mark the grieving on their way to the interment. It was as if Andy was doing what was expected more than what he felt he owed the deceased. He was ever the lawyer, formal and curt.

You followed the grey parade. Not out of obligation but out of genuine regret. Jacob seemed like a lost kid, even in death. The rumours, the accusations, the suspicion, followed him. The people didn't watch the dirt fall from the shovel to see him at peace, they watched it as some grand finale to the great show of the Barbers.

When the metal no longer cut and scattered the soil, the crowd thinned out. You stayed as the diggers packed up. You were sad for Jacob, for Laurie. Andy hadn't been there to see the burial. You couldn't blame him but you were surprised. He just disappeared after the service, apparently done with his part in the play.

You went closer and stared at the new stone that stretched above both plots. Laurie Barber… and her son, Jacob Barber. May they rest. It was as short, as minimal as anything else about the affair. You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand. You didn't know if Jacob was a bad seed, it wasn't your job to make that call, but he had just been a kid and all that potential was now six feet down.

"Didn't think anyone would stick around," the dark figure stepped up beside you, his steps muted by the grass, "least of all, you."

"I'm sorry, I…" you looked at Andy and then the dirt, "I'll go."

"Wait," he said before you could move, "I thought-- I thought I wanted to be alone for this…" he shoved his hand in his pocket, "but I've been alone since it happened and I'm realising, I'm gonna be alone from here on out."

You didn't say a word. You didn't know what you could say. He'd heard a hundred apologies, a hundred condolences.

"I'm happy someone stayed, that someone cared," he cleared his throat, "thank you."

You nodded and played with the buttons on your cardigan.

"He was too. Happy, you know, that someone cared. I think back now and I realise that you probably saw him more than me. He was always excited to go to the centre but he got in that car and he just… deflated." He shook his head, "maybe this is better. One way or the other, he wanted to get away from me but he never could get away from Laurie. She wouldn't let him go."

He chuckled sardonically but it quickly fizzled in his throat.

"Sorry, I'm rambling…"

"You're processing," you said, "a lot of the kids down at the centre, they lost parents, one way or the other, orphans, fosters… I always told them that they didn't have to make sense because grief never really does."

"Now that makes a lot of sense," he said, "but you shouldn't have to listen to me."

"I shouldn't or you don't think you should say any of it?"

"Hmmm," he hummed, "yeah, maybe."

"I don't get paid to listen to those kids, I just get a time and a place to do so. This isn't different. It's just talking and a lot of that is just figuring things out. Listening is easy, you're doing the hard part."

"Jeez, you come up with this stuff on your own or is there some sort of how-to book?"

You lifted your chin and sucked in your lip. You could tell where Jacob got the bite from.

"Sorry, that was… mean," he said after the silence settled with the dirt, "can I ask you something?"

"Sure," you said.

"You got somewhere to be?"

"No…" you answered cautiously.

"Do you think you might wanna listen to me a little more? I'll buy you a coffee for the trouble."

"You wanna talk? To me?"

"Better than anyone I do know," he snorted, "they all just give me that dumb look. They pity me, judge me. You don't have to say yes but I started now, if I stop, I'll...stop."

"Coffee?" You glanced over at him, "I'd rather tea."

"I'm sure they got that too," he fiddled with the trim of his pocket, "anytime you wanna bail, let me know."

"If I can handle teen angst, I think I can handle you."

🖤

That afternoon wasted away in the corner of a café. It felt like any other day but for Andy, you knew, it was likely the worst day of his life. Likely a day he wouldn’t forget. You sat patiently until the last of your tea was cold. He didn’t finish his coffee, he hardly even touched it. When you checked the time, he looked down embarrassed.

“It’s late,” he said, “I… I’m sorry for keeping you so long.”

“I didn’t have anything to do. I doubt you did either,” you swept up the paper cup and your purse.

“No, really, I mean, you don’t know me. You knew Jacob and I just sat here and talked your ear off for hours. I--” he looked out the window, “I know that when I go home, the house will still be empty. That’s why I’m here.”

You looked past him as he turned back. You chewed your lip, “Andy, have you looked into counseling yet?”

“It feels… too early for that.”

“Too early?”

“I don’t want to let it go. Don’t want to let them go,” he sucked his hands in his pockets, “if I go, that’s what they’ll tell me to do.”

“No, they’d help you live with it, not forget it,” you said, “but I know, it’s scary. Have you done anything? Read anything?”

“Read?”

“Self-help isn’t for everyone and those dummy books aren’t great I admit, but sometimes a start is better than nothing. What about… a routine? Do you have one?”

“I work, I come home, I sleep, and try not to notice they’re gone,” he shrugged, “and repeat. Lot of overtime.”

“You’re still working?” you went to the door and he followed.

“Well, I talked to you. That’s what I’m going to do about it.”

You stepped out into the evening din and spun to look at him. You crossed your arms and stood across from him on the pavement.

“Well, unfortunately there’s an age limit down at the centre,” you said, “but I could give you a number for an adult group.”

“No, I don’t wanna talk to a group of sad parents and widowers. Just remind me how pathetic I really am,” he scoffed.

“Do you think that what you’re doing right now is better?”

“Do you have a degree in this?” he wondered, “what are you doing down at that youth centre talking to degenerates?”

“I have a certificate that says I’m good at listening, but no, I couldn’t afford a degree,” you dropped your arms, “but, will you come down? Sit in on a session. Just listen… for Jacob? It helped him, I think, after a while?”

“With the kids?”

“Yeah, with the kids,” you said, “maybe it will help you decide.”

“Decide what?”

“If you’re going to keep doing what you're doing; nothing, or if you’re going to try. Trust me, after a while, just sitting there, ignoring it, it gets old and it won’t get better.”

He looked down and stared at his leather shoe as he ground his toe into the pavement, “is that allowed? Am I allowed to do that?”

“I don’t see why not. I have parents sit in all the time.”

“But I’m not-- not anymore,” he gulped.

“You are,” you patted his arm gently, “you always will be.”

“What time?” he raised his head.

“Tuesdays and Thursdays at four-thirty. We do accept late arrivals. Kids come in and out. Usually hang out til seven before I let them go.”

“I think I can make that work,” he exhaled deeply, “thank you.”

“For what?”

“For putting up with me.”

You nodded and gave a bittersweet smile, “I miss Jacob too. I might be little more than a glorified babysitter but it means something to me. The kids… they feel like they’re mine sometimes. At least on those two nights a week.”

“Well…” he peered down the street, “you need a ride?”

You chuckled quietly, “you now, I think this time, I do.”

🖤

Andy was early. He took a chair near the wall as the kids flopped on the low sofas and into the colourful armchairs. A government grant had seen an upgrade in the lounge, although the kitchen needed some work as the cooking classes were still short on supplies. Dark circles darkened his eyes and the hairline wrinkles around them added to the hollow effect. He wasn’t sleeping.

You waited for the room to quiet. You greeted the kids and went through the usual ice breaker; one bad thing, one good thing, and one way they could improve the bad. Many of them were reluctant at first, they resisted what they thought were cheesy and inane exercises but they all came around. They were able to voice things that otherwise would be kept to themselves and they were afforded a respectful and often rapt audience.

When you finished, you kept from naming your own three. You looked at Andy.

“I’m sorry, everyone, I’m so forgetful. This is Andy,” you gestured to him, “he’s sitting in with us today. Andy, why don’t you tell us your bad thing, your good thing, and one thing you can do to improve the bad.”

He looked startled but he stood and cleared his throat. He glanced around at the kids and the shadow left his face. “Well, I lost a file, there were free bagels at work, and… I guess I could try to look again tomorrow.”

“Very good,” you smiled, “alright, my turn at last. My bad thing is I spilled tea on my shirt, my good thing is it’s a dark shirt, and my thing to improve is… wear a bib.” You laughed as you audience stay stone faced, “alright, alright, I’ll just be more careful and not run with hot liquids.”

You sat and started with Danica. She was always the most talkative, that encouraged the other kids. Today was no exception and you had to remind her to save some time for everyone else. Erik was next, then Andre, and Shamea. You almost didn’t notice Andy as he stood and sidled against the wall. Not until he was at the door, he looked back darkly and you saw his chest fall heavily. His nostrils flared and he was gone.

You tried not to show your disappointment, tried not to let the kids notice. They were all caught up in the circle and breaking it was never good. Shamea passed the stuffed bunny to Naima and you focused on her. Maybe it was too soon for Andy, you understood that, but you hoped too that he might have found a piece of Jacob there.

Before the kids left, you handed out the coloured markers and they each scribbled down a few words before a high-five. They passed through the open door in pairs and singles, and you bent to add your own note. You tucked the card into your bag and locked up. Jacob was usually the only one to hang around. Not anymore.

You headed out the front door with a wave to Martha at the front desk and took a gulp of the fresh evening air. There was someone sat on the flat stone at the bottom of the broad rail of the stairs. You recognised Andy as you neared, much too big to be a teen.

“I’m sorry,” he dabbed his nose with his sleeve, “I couldn’t… I couldn’t stay in that room.”

“But you’re still here,” you said.

“I didn’t wanna just leave you hanging but… they all remind me of him,” he stood, “I’m sorry.”

“No more apologies,” you opened your purse and searched, “I had the kids put this together. Actually, it was Milo’s idea. He didn’t know it was you but he wanted to send it in the mail--”

“What?” he took the card and opened it. He turned so he could read it in the yellow light of the street lamp, “oh my god.”

“Is it too much?”

“No, no,” he ran his thumb over the ink, “it’s…” he closed it and tucked it into his jacket, “the only other thing I’ve got is the bill for the caskets. It’s… amazing. Thank you.”

“Not at all. They always surprise me,” you said, “most of the time, in good ways.”

“You need a ride?” he checked his watch.

“I don’t live far,” you waved him off, “but I always appreciate the offer.”

He nodded and frowned, “and if… if I didn’t want to be alone? Would you grab a burger with me? Have you eaten?”

“Not since lunch, I, uh… I guess it couldn’t hurt,” you said.

“You gotta be up early?”

“Nah, not too early.”

“What do you do? I mean, outside of this?” he turned and directed you to his car.

“Data entry,” you sighed, “it’s not very exciting but I work remotely and the pay is decent and I still have time for the kids.”

“It’s a living,” he said as the door locks clicked and you grabbed the handle, “no judgment. Trust me, being a lawyer, it’s really not as glamourous as it seems.”

🖤

Andy’s routine changed. He came around every Thursday and listened. After a few weeks, the kids figured out who he was. They didn’t treat him any differently and even invited him to join in on the teambuilding games you arranged. He wasn’t bad help as you welcomed a few new members from the group home.

That night, you weren’t feeling great. Even the kids hadn’t helped much. You were exhausted and nauseous. You blamed it on the late night shawarma. You said goodbye to the kids and packed up. Andy stacked the chairs without you asking, even when you told him not to.

You leaned heavily on the table and checked your phone before slipping it into your bag. You wiped your forehead and shivered. Some gravol, ginger ale, and sleep would be your indulgence that night.

“You okay?” Andy asked.

“Stomach thing,” you rubbed your middle, “nothing major.”

“You don’t look great,” he said, “well, I don’t mean it like-- are you sure--”

“Oh, gee,” you slid past him and out the door.

You ran to the restroom across the hall and into a stall. You wretched and the acid seared your throat. The bile bubbled in the toilet water and you shuddered. You heaved a few more times and rinsed your mouth in the sink.

Andy was waiting for you in the hall, “let me drive you tonight,” he insisted, “even if it’s just a block away.”

“I can’t even say no,” you grumbled as he handed you your purse.

“What’s wrong? You eat something?”

“I think,” you groaned as he held the door open and the cool air outside chilled the sweat on your neck, “urgh, I hope it’s only that.”

You got to his car and fell heavily into the seat. You slumped against the console as he started the car. He paused as the engine idled and felt your forehead. He nudged you back against the seat and turned his hand to press the back of his fingers to your cheek.

“You got a fever,” he said, “I don’t think it’s food poisoning.”

“Oh, those kids carry bugs like rats,” you muttered, “just take me home, I’ll get over it.”

He pulled out of his spot and you closed your eyes. You leaned against the window, frigid against your forehead and hugged yourself. You dozed off before he even turned out of the lot, the belt keeping you from folding over entirely.

🖤

You woke up between fresh linen. The sunlight was soft in its early hues. It wasn't your bed. You rolled onto your side and your stomach ached from how empty it was. You pushed back the thick duvet, you were sweating. You didn't remember more than the car ride and a few fuzzy glimpses of the bottom of a bucket.

You were cold again and pulled the blanket back. The door was open and Andy filled it as if he'd heard your grumbles. He stood at the bottom of the bed in a pair of plaid pants and a blue tee.

"Why am I here?" You asked.

"You fell asleep. You're sick. I couldn't just leave you outside your building," he said, "how are you feeling?"

"Bad," you replied curtly, "I can go," you sat up, "stop by the pharmacy, go hide in my own bed."

"You should stay here," he insisted, "just until the fever breaks."

"Really… ugh," you moaned as your belly clenched, "Andy, I should--"

"Lay down?" He came around and caught your shoulder, "I used to call in sometimes when Jacob was home sick. When he was a lot younger and… I stir up a man cup of noodles."

"You don't have to--"

"It's completely selfish," he interrupted, "it's been a long time since I had someone to take care of or at least it feels like it."

You were light-headed as you tried to stand but he kept you from getting to your feet, "I guess I can stay a little longer."

"Don't act like I don't owe you," he tutted, "now relax. I'll get you some soup. You need something in your system. I got some anti-nausea pills in the cupboard, too."

"Thanks but you don't owe me anything. I'm gonna owe you big."

"Why don't we just call it even then," he backed up, "seeing as that's my bed and my couch, it's really not made for sleeping." He stretched his arms and his shoulders cracked, "especially at my age."

🖤

You stayed another night. You tried to convince Andy to let you take the couch instead but he was a lawyer and rarely lost an argument. It was easier to eat by the evening but you were still dizzy and you couldn't stop yawning. You'd never been so tired.

Despite your uneasiness at overstaying your welcome, you slept more heavily than before. Your guilt didn't keep you awake for long as you sank into a deep sleep and you woke slowly, a murmur escaping your lips as grogginess weighed you down. You were still so very tired but it was already morning.

You stretched and your wrist caught. You winced and tugged at your arm. You sat up in horror as you stared at the metal cuff attached to the hoop drilled into the headboard. You tugged until your arm hurt and your hand throbbed. What the fuck.

"Andy! Andy! What--"

"Shhhhh," Andy hushed you as he entered, "it's okay, you're okay."

"No, I'm not. What did you do?" You pulled again and the metal pinched your skin.

"You're going to hurt yourself," he said calmly.

"Unlock it. Let me go," you struggled as you kicked off the blankets, "Andy, what the fuck?"

"Hey, don't talk like that. It's...nasty."

"I don't understand," you began to pant, "why are you doing this?"

The panic crawled like tendrils up your neck and back. You twisted and pulled but the metal cuff didn't budge. You felt the bed shift and Andy grabbed your shoulder. He forced you down, pinning your other hand beside your head.

"I'm taking care of you," he said, "don't be so ungrateful."

"I can take care of myself. Let me go, please."

"No, you need me," he snarled, "like I need you."

"Andy, you're wrong--"

"Stop!" He covered your mouth, "stop! You don't know what you need. Now be still. Be quiet." He squeezed until your jaw hurt, "don't make this difficult."

He slowly lifted his hand and you didn’t move. You stared at his hand then looked at his face. There was a desperate anger in the depths of his oceanic eyes. He sat back and his jaw clenched as he watched you.

"I'm going to make breakfast. Be good. You need to eat." He backed off the bed and went to the door, "I mean it."

He left you and you listened until pans clinked and clanged in the kitchen below. You folded your thumb against your palm and tried to wiggle free of the cuff. It was too tight. There was only one other way out and you couldn't do it alone.

"HELP! HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE!" You screamed, "someone help me!"

The footsteps hammered up the stairs and Andy stormed in. He grabbed you and clamped his hand over your mouth again.

"Listen, no one can hear you, you got that? Windows are soundproof, but I really don't want to hear it so it's up to you if I gag you."

You blinked and your lip trembled against his hand. Your eyes rounded and you nodded stiffly. He tore his hand away and sighed as he clapped his hands on his legs in frustration.

"Good," he said quietly, "now, let's just hope," he stood and strode to the door, "that the bacon didn't burn."

🖤

You fell asleep again shortly after eating, even with the adrenaline and panic surging through your veins. You woke again in the afternoon. Your limbs were heavy but the fever was gone and your stomach felt better but you were still terribly tired.

Andy was there. He had a leather file in his lap as he looked over papers and scratched his beard. He sensed your movement and looked over at you.

"Hungry?" He asked, "you slept through lunch."

"No," you smelled your sweat on the duvet, "but… can I have a shower? I haven't...since I got here."

"A shower?" He closed the folder and stood. He set it down and pursed his lips as he thought. "Fifteen minutes," he said as he dug around in his pocket, "I'll be here."

He unlocked the cuff and you rubbed your wrist as you sat up. He stayed close as you rose and stayed between you and the bedroom door as he pointed you to the bathroom.

"I don't have much for you to wear yet but you can take another one of my shirts," he said.

You nodded and closed the door between you. You closed your eyes and pressed yourself to the wind. How was this the same man that you spoke to that day at the cemetery?

🖤

He slept beside you that night. You were on your side, your arm bound again by the cuff with the pillow between it and your head. You were uncomfortable, more so with him against your back. He wore only a pair of boxers. You shied away when he undressed and never looked at him again.

You dozed despite your nerves. You couldn't shake the drowsiness. You just felt more and more tired. When you opened your eyes, his arm was around you. He ran his fingers over your stomach, fingers crawling beneath the baggy tee shirt. You shivered and he nuzzled the back of your neck.

"I was thinking… well, I've been thinking for a while now, how happy we could be," he said, "I'm still young enough to try again, do it right and you… you're young, ready." His hand brushed up to your chest and he cupped your tit, "you're kind, you're caring, you're...beautiful. You’re my second chance."

“Andy,” your voice was brittle as your pulse beat furiously, “what you’re doing, it’s not right. You need to let me go.”

He went rigid and his hand stopped. He unsnaked his arm from around you and the springs coiled as he fell heavily onto his back. In the silence, you could only hear his steady breaths and a low growl.

“No, I’m helping you,” he said, “like you’ve helped me.”

“Andy, please,” you eased onto your back and looked over at him, “this isn’t how you fix this.”

“How do I?” he snarled, “huh? How? You don’t know!” he sat up and glared down at you, “you can’t know.”

“You think hurting me is helping me? That’s what you’re doing.”

“No, no, no,” he bent his legs as he grasped his head and gripped it as if it would crack, “No! I haven’t hurt you. I feed you, I keep you clean, I… I take care of you!”

“Andy,” you reached over shakily and touched his bare shoulder, “this isn’t what I want and I know you don’t want it either. You want someone who really loves you--”

“You love me!” he turned so quickly you yelped. He gripped your jaw tightly as he held himself against you, “you love me,” he pressed his lips to yours and you murmured in surprise, “you love me,” it was a maddened chant as he pulled back, “...love me.”

“And--”

His hand flew up to smother you and he lifted himself over you. His knees pressed to your legs until they parted and his other hand explored your curves through the rumpled cotton. You squeaked and tensed against his touch, your wrist chafing from the cuff.

“Shhh,” he hushed as he pushed the shirt up.

He kept his hand on your mouth as he slid down your body and left a trail of kisses along your torso as he unveiled it. He bunched the tee above your chest and bent to dote on your tits. You shuddered and pushed on his head as you mumbled into his palm.

His fingers tickled along your side and hooked into the side of the drawstring shorts he gave you. He tugged until the string snapped and edged them down as he continued to tend to your chest. You kicked around him and felt his bulge as he leaned into you.

He ripped his hand away and sat up. He grabbed the waist of the shorts and wrenched them down your legs, quickly taking his between them again. You wriggled and batted out at his chest as his thumbs pressed against your hip bones and his hands crept down to knead your thighs.

“I can start again,” he brushed his fingers down your vee and you trembled as they danced along your cunt.

“No, Andy, please, you can still stop--”

“Shhhh, honey,” he pushed between your folds and you gasped, “it’s okay. I’ll still take care of you,” he glided over your cunt and made you twitch, “and the baby.”

He poked along your entrance and you whined helplessly as you reached to the cuff and pulled with both arms. Every muscles in your strained as you tried to break free of the headboard. He pushed a finger inside of you and you cried out.

“Andy, stop, please, no--”

He added another finger and slipped them in and out of you as he purred. You looked at his face and it sent a chill through you. His eyes were dark and clung to the movement of his hand, his brow set and his jaw squared with his intent. He wasn’t the grieving widower, he wasn’t the man lost and lonely, he was a monster.

“That’s it,” he turned his hand and flicked your clit with his thumb, “you want me. I feel it.”

You looked away as your wetness spread to his knuckles and along your folds. He kept his thumb moved as he curled his fingers inside of you and the pressure built as the tip of his touch. You gritted your teeth and shook your head helplessly.

“No,” you whispered, “no, no, no…”

He took his hand away suddenly and you felt empty. He lifted himself on his knees and rolled down his boxers. You didn’t look at him, you couldn’t, you only saw the silhouette of his nudity.

He pushed your thighs apart and spread himself over you, his elbow just beside you as he felt around between your bodies. His hot breath grazed your cheek and he kissed it firmly as he angled his tip between your folds. Your thighs clenched around him in a futile act of resistance as he found your entrance.

He pushed inside slowly and brought his other arm up beside you. He forced your head straight and you squeezed your eyes shut. He cradled your head between his hands and his lips brushed yours as he spoke, “open your eyes. Look at me.”

“Andy,” you murmured as he slowly got deeper, “please--”

“Look at me,” he demanded, “look at me!”

Your eyes snapped open and met his stormy blue ones. He bucked his hips and impaled you completely. You exclaimed and grasped his thick bicep in shock, your other hand balled above the cuff. Your legs bent around his thick thighs as you tried to stop him.

“God, you feel so good,” he purred as he began to rock, “don’t I feel good too?”

Your lashes fluttered away the rising tears and you sucked your lip in to keep from making a sound. You could look away as he held your head straight, his hand clamping around your jaw as he other arm bent beneath yours.

The room echoed with the noise of his flesh slapping yours as he sped up, his grunts and groans interlaced with the sickening symphony. You quivered as his pelvis rubbed against yours and stoked the heat in your core. You could not hold back the illicit response of your body as he ravaged it.

Your breath grew heavier and he gulped it down as he kissed you again, forcing his tongue between your lips as he devoured you. The whole bed moved in time with your body and the headboard knocked against the wall as his thrusts came closer and closer together and he buried himself as deep as he could with each tilt of his hips.

He drew his mouth away and pressed his cheek to yours as his muscles tensed and he puffed into the pillow, “this is it, honey. It all starts here.”

“Ah, please…” your voice fizzled and smothered your moan against his shoulder as your body spasmed. Your legs bent around him firmly as you orgasmed and your body arched beneath his desperately.

“That’s it,” he cooed, “that’s it. You take me so well. See… it was meant to… be.”

His breaths grew more rampant with his rhythm. His hand slipped down to cradle your cheek and his thumb stroked your flesh tenderly as he dipped into you over and over. His deep groans grew louder around you. He jerked into you sharply and his motion stuttered. He gripped your hip and held you down as he sheathed himself in your walls.

He quaked as his hips slowed and he flooded you. He exhaled and as his lungs emptied, the strength left him entirely and he lowered himself over you weakly. His body pressed yours into the mattress, your sweat and his turned sticky as the air settled over you.

He stayed like that for what felt like forever. He moved slowly to lift himself up and he sat back, watching his dick slide out of you. Your thighs shook as your legs splayed around him. You felt his cum leak from you and he dragged his fingers along your cunt and scooped it back into you, coating his fingers in as he pushed them past your entrance once more. He smiled at the wet sounds of your cunt.

“That felt like the one,” he said, “but we can try again...”

He pulled his fingers out of you and admired the slickness that glistened over them. He reached down and gripped his dick, half-soft and spent. He winced as he began to stroke himself and let out stifled moans between his teeth.

“Maybe this time,” he purred as he angled himself inside of you again and lifted your legs against his torso. He bit his lips as he trembled, his cock oversensitive and overworked, “as many times as it takes, honey.”

#andy barber #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber #andy barber x reader #one shot #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #defending jacob

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grimecrow · 3 years

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Sometimes Those Who SHOULD Be Your Greatest Allies Won’t Be But...

I’m writing this for all those LGBTQ people still hiding who they are, especially to the younger ones. Sharing my experiences with you may honestly make you more fearful of things at first but please read till the end. So, I knew I was gay when I was ten. I didn’t know what gay was, I honestly didn’t consciously understand much if anything at all about sexuality I just knew I really liked how pretty some guys in my comics (and my class) were and never felt that way about girls. I never acted on it, I never told anyone, I was ten it’s not like dating was a really big priority or anything. My parents were split by this time and my bigoted father must have suspected something was up when I turned down buying the new Marvel swimsuit issue thing. He sat me down shortly there after told me the truth about my mother, she was a lesbian. He then proceeded to tell me about how homosexuality was unnatural, and it was so unnatural that nature had made a disease that will rot those nasty homos from the inside out just because they were homos and it was THAT wrong. We had just entered the 90′s at this point but my father was extra bigoted towards homosexuals because my mother had married him to be able to have a baby and live off his money. Leaving him for a fling, in such a way that everyone at his work and stuff knew. Well needless to say I hated myself and was afraid of myself, not that I could talk to anyone about it. Not even my mother because anytime I asked about how you knew if you were gay she’d get mad and tell me I wasn’t. Weird right? A lesbian who had known since she was young that she was homosexual being so aggressive at her kid for wanting to talk about the idea of homosexuality in general? Especially given how her family had reacted to her. Her mother abused her, and sent her to an institute that touts it’s self as such a fucking ally to the LGBTQ community yet never acknowledges that they ever did anything wrong; hiding behind the fact that they were ‘just using the science of the time’. That back when my mom was a teenager being various forms of water based tortures, sleep deprivation and applied violent electricity based deterrents. Her brother helped inflict horrible things on her with his friends in an attempt to ‘fix her’. Anyhow in the later half of the 90s, in grade 9 I was gay bashed for the first time, I hadn’t come out but people suspected and I never did anything to prove those suspicions wrong. Despite it happening on the grounds of a school and parents even encouraging their kids to join in with video evidence the cops assumed that cause it had been labelled a gay bashing I was gay and had set it up to happen for attention. ACAB, even in Canada as the department’s views on the LGBTQ community hasn’t changed no matter how much they wanna march in the parade to pretend it has all these years later. My mother was furious and though I thought I had been outed by the incident she had double downed on my straightness and this was just a horrible case of bullying. In grade 10 two of my mother’s friends convinced me that despite my fear that my mother would be supportive of her gay son. How could she not be? And it made sense when they said it out loud. So I officially came out to my mother and...she kicked me out onto the street going on about how I was fucking up her life. I was supposed to have a girl friend she could jokingly flirt with (gross) and all of that. Well I was now homeless, with no family, a part of my mother winning custody of me the last time I was swapped was that I couldn’t go back to my dad. Which honestly was for the best as he and his wife thought an acceptable reaction to a nine year old using pins instead of sticky-tack to put up a poster was to throw them down the stairs. So...given that and my father’s history of aggressive homophobia it’s not like he would have been an option even if I could have gone back to him.

I thought I was screwed, that was it my life was over. All my mother’s extended family that was alive was super homophobic and hated my mother cause by this point she had conned them all out of cash.

But those two friends of my mother who had convinced me to finally come out to her without me asking gave me a couch to sleep on. They not only gave me a couch but made sure my clothes were clean and I was fed for the next short bit. They also went pretty hard at my mother, going so far as to tell the rest of the community my mother was a part of what had happened and the community came down on my mom for throwing the poor little gay out of the house just for being the way she herself was. My mom came up with the excuse that she had kicked me out on the street in hopes of scaring me straight. After all; she knows all the terrible things an LGBTQ kid at that time would have to face so she wanted to protect me from them by...throwing me out. This didn’t make sense to anyone but my mom told me I could come home and her friends would check in with him pretty regularly for a while after that to make sure things were okay, and that I was as okay as I could be. As you probably have come to the conclusion to yourself, the excuse she gave to her friends and the community makes absolutely no sense. Years later the truth of the matter would be realized. My mother is a user, an exploiter and once I had aged enough I had two purposes left to fulfill. One being to take care of her and be her retirement plan when she grew old enough, and two the more important one give her grandchildren. Once I couldn’t give her grandchildren my overall use was over and in her anger she threw me out; as all I was at that point was just a drain on resources. She could always either scam or bet her way to another retirement plan after all. I know I got really, really lucky. Not everyone has a community that will stand up for them like that when things get to their worse or at least it will seem to be that way. I know this all sounds really scary too. I know the fears of coming out, even when there is a potential safety net or everything in the world dictates that you will have obvious allies. I know what it is like to live in a house of violent abusers who are very active in their hatred all the while you’re secretly ‘the enemy’. (Hey I was first suicidal at the age of 12 cause it seemed to be the only escape.) The reason I am even writing all of this is to tell you. Sometimes those who SHOULD be your greatest allies won’t be but...there will be allies if you keep looking, keep trying, and keep living. Stay safe.

#coming out #lgbt discourse #lgbtq #lgbtq youth #homophobia #transgender #trans rights

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hamburgersmakesmehappy · 5 years

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The Hargreeves siblings as MCR songs (My take)

Inspired by this post by @klaus-4-hargreevess , I decided to post my take on what songs match each of the Hargreeves siblings because I had a running list on my phone anyway.

Luther - Welcome to the Black Parade

When I was a young boy My father took me into the city To see a marching band He said, son, when you grow up Would you be the savior of the broken The beaten, and the damned? He said, will you defeat them Your demons and all the non-believers? The plans that they have made? Because one day I'll leave you A phantom to lead you in the summer To join the black parade (...) Sometimes I get the feeling She's watching over me And other times I feel like I should go And through it all The rise and fall The bodies in the streets And when you're gone, we want you all to know We'll carry on, we'll carry on And though you're dead and gone, believe me Your memory will carry on We'll carry on And in my heart I can't contain it The anthem won't explain it A world that sends you reeling From decimated dreams Your misery and hate will kill us all So paint it black And take it back Let's shout it loud and clear Defiant to the end We hear the call

Diego - The Sharpest Lives Well it rains and it pours when you're out on your own If I crash on the couch, can I sleep in my clothes 'Cause I spent the night dancing, I'm drunk I suppose If it looks like I'm laughing I'm really just asking to leave this alone You're in time for the show You're the one that I needI'm the one that you loathe You can watch me corrode Like a beast in repose 'Cause I love all the poison away with the boys in the band I've really been on a bender and it shows So why don't you blow me A kiss before she goes Give me a shot to remember And you can take all the pain away from me Your kiss and I will surrender The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead A light to burn all the empires So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be In love with all of these vampires So you can leave like the sane, abandon me There's a place in the dark where the animals go You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo

Allison - All the angels She got the call And then she threw her jacket on And stormed off down the hall They got the call And picked him up at 4am And tore off down the road And all the angels say oooh, oooh You are all to blame ‘Cause all the angels say oooh, oooh You are all to blame She went alone And went to the emergency And parked her car in the dark They told her please He only has but minutes more You might just say goodbye‘ (...) And if you maybe figure it out Would you still explain? And if she said she was sorry now Would you still complain? And if you open up your heart And stay so far away But you are all the same And if you maybe find a better way To love me then You are all to blame

Klaus - This is how I disappear To un-explain the unforgivable, Drain all the blood and give the kids a show By streetlight this dark night, A séance down below There're things that I have done, You never should ever know And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now Who walks among the famous living dead, Drowns all the boys and girls inside your bed And if you could talk to me, Tell me if it's so, That all the good girls go to heaven Well, heaven knows (...) Can you hear me cry out to you? Words I thought I'd choke on figure out I'm really not so with you anymore I'm just a ghost, So I can't hurt you anymore, So I can't hurt you anymore And now, you wanna see how far down I can sink? Let me go, fuck So, you can, well now so, you can I'm so far away from you Well now so, you can

Five - Planetary (Go!) There might be something outside your window But you'll just never know There could be something right past the turnpike gates But you'll just never know If my velocity starts to make you sweat Then just don't let go And if the heaven ain't got a vacancy Then we just, then we just, then we just, then we just Get up and go Ladies and gentleman, truth Is now acceptable fame Is now injectable process the progress This core is critical faith Is unavailable lives Become incredible now Please understand thatI can't slow down, I won't be waiting for you, I can't stop now because I'm dancing This planet's ours to defend Ain't got no time to pretend Don't fuck around, this is our last chance

Ben - It’s not a fashion statement it’s a deathwish For what you did to me And what I'll do to you You get, what everyone else gets You get a lifetimeLet's go Do you remember that day when we met? You told me this gets harder, well, it did Been holding on forever Promise me that when I've gone You'll kill my enemies The damage you've inflicted, temporary wounds I'm coming back from the dead And I'll take you home with me I'm taking back the life you stole We never got that far This helps me to think all through the night Bright lights that won't kill me now or tell me how Just you and I, your starless eyes remain

Vanya - House of Wolves I know a thing about contrition Because I got enough to spare And I'll be grantin' your permission 'Cause you haven't got a prayer I said, hey hallelujah Well come on, sing the praise Let the spirit come on through ya We got innocence for days Well I think I'm gonna burn in hell Everybody burn the house down She says well, what I wanna say Tell me I'm an angel Take this to my grave Tell me I'm a bad man Kick me like a stray Tell me I'm an angel Take this to my grave (...) Well a ring around the ambulance Like I never gave a care I said, choir boys surround you It's a compliment, I swear And I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down I wanna hear you sing the praise I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down We got innocence for days

#tua #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #number one #luther hargreeves #number two #diego hargreeves #number three #allison hargreeves #number four #klaus hargreeves #number five #five hargreeves #number six #ben hargreeves #number seven #vanya hargreeves #my chemical romance #mcr

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recentanimenews · 5 years

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Off the Shelf: Cautiously Optimistic

MELINDA: Well, hello, Michelle! Can you believe we’re back again in just two weeks? I hope you’ve had time to come up with a new joke.

MICHELLE: That last one I made was so very bad, I’m starting to feel remorse for inflicting terrible dad jokes on people at the start of these columns. So, you get a reprieve, everybody!

MELINDA: I dunno, I think you may be disappointing more people than you know!

MICHELLE: If you actually miss the terrible jokes, leave a comment and I’ll do better next time. How about that?

MELINDA: Fair enough! Well, if we’re not telling dad jokes, I suppose we’d better talk about some manga. What have you been reading this week, Michelle?

MICHELLE: I finally took the plunge and read the first two volumes of Fruits Basket Another, the three-volume Fruits Basket sequel by Natsuki Takaya. I was wary about this one, but though it has some significant flaws, I liked it more than I expected to.

In volume one, we’re introduced to Sawa Mitoma, an exceptionally meek girl who spends so much time thinking things like “Why do I always irritate others without even realizing it?” and being perhaps the most passive protagonist I’ve ever seen that she actually becomes irritating to the reader. She has just started her first year at Kaibara High School, and soon encounters “an incredibly sparkly boy” when she drops her student ID. This boy looks a lot like Yuki Sohma and, surprise, it’s his and Machi’s son, Mutsuki. Be prepared for a bunch of this sort of thing, because in short order we learn that Hanajima’s little brother is Sawa’s homeroom teacher and that Makoto Takei (remember that overzealous student council guy?) is a teacher whose obsession with Yuki has now transferred to Mutsuki. (He’s really creepy about it, too, and desperately needs to be fired.)

Sawa next meets Hajime, the son of Kyo and Tohru, who is serving as student council president. Mutsuki is the vice-president, and soon Sawa’s been drafted to be the first-year member. Over time, she meets more Sohmas, including Riku and Sora, the twin children of Hatsuharu and Rin. She gains confidence by being useful to the council and Riku helps her realize that by always keeping her head down, she’s missing opportunities available to her, like the nice girls in class who want to ask her to have lunch with them.

By the end of the second volume, Sawa has become a much more sympathetic character. Not just because she finally starts taking the initiative and actually engaging with life, but because readers can finally see what Takaya-sensei was doing. It turns out that all of Sawa’s issues stem from her abusive mother, who doesn’t come home for long periods of time, and when she does deign to appear, demands gratitude and apologies from the daughter she viciously belittles. No wonder Sawa got warped into thinking everything she does is wrong and that she’s a useless lump who causes trouble for others!

In the end, the not-very-subtle premise of the series seems to be “this generation of the Sohmas all love their parents very much, so this time they’re going to be the ones to save and accept a girl cursed with a shitty home life.” The execution is rather clumsy, however, as the Sohma offspring talk about their parents way too much for normal teenagers. I did like that Ayame’s son, Chizuru, struggles because he’s the normal one in his eccentric family, and that Mutsuki’s love for his parents is partly due to realizing not everyone has it so good. There’s one worrisome panel that suggests young Mutsuki witnessed Akito protecting her and Shigure’s son, Shiki, from Ren wielding a butcher knife! I hope that’s explained in the third and final volume, as well as whether Shiki was responsible for getting Mutsuki to help out Sawa in the first place.

In any case, I liked it enough to finish out the story, and that’s more than I expected.

MELINDA: Okay, so I’ll admit that the parade of Sohma children just reminds me how irritated I was by the neat pairing-off of everyone that happened at the end of the original series (Ayame, seriously??) so it’s probably getting off on the wrong foot with me from the start. But more than that, I’m struck with your description of the kids talking soooo much about their parents… like, some kind of weird collision of “let’s make more money off of Fruits Basket” and “let’s assume that nobody actually read Fruits Basket and we have so much explaining to do!” Or maybe it’s just “let’s make more money off of Fruits Basket, but in only a few volumes, so DUMP THAT INFO.”

Honestly, the only thing that gives me hope is that butcher knife. Akito with a butcher knife is keeping me alive here. I might read it just for that.

Do we have to have the creepy teacher-student obsession, though? I let that stuff go with older manga, but seriously. It’s 2019.

Or wait. Is it Ren with the butcher knife? I think I added a comma in my mind to draw my attention. Without the comma, I’m suddenly less interested.

MICHELLE: Yeah, it was Ren with the knife. She didn’t go away just ‘cos the curse was lifted, so she’s still around being horrible, apparently.

And yes, after everyone paired off neatly at the end of the main series, all of the couples seem to have stayed together for the next twenty years, judging from the age of Hatori’s daughter. At least Hanajima didn’t marry Kazuma! The parent talk isn’t as bad as recapping the events of the original series, at least, but there is a little bit of explanation when introducing new Sohmas to Sawa. Like, no one says Momiji’s name or what particular business he’s doing, but we know he’s extremely successful at it, which is kind of nice.

It’s more like someone saying, “I want to be like them,” which is still more than teenagers generally say, in my experience.

MELINDA: So, okay, you’re enjoying this more than you expected and you’ll likely read to the end. Should I be following your lead, or should I just reread Fruits Basket? I do suddenly have an urge to reread, especially since I recently lent out the first few volumes to one of my teen students!

MICHELLE: I honestly don’t know. I think it might bug you somewhat more than it did me. Maybe wait until volume three comes out and I can give a definitive answer as to whether this series adds anything to the Fruits Basket experience.

What have you been reading this week?

MELINDA: This week, I dug into the debut volume of For the Kid I Saw in my Dreams, a new series from the creator of Erased, Kei Sanbe. Like Erased, it was originally serialized in Kadokawa Shoten’s Young Ace and is being published in English by Yen Press.

Senri Nakajou had a twin brother, Kazuto, with whom his connection was so strong, they experienced shared vision and literally felt each other’s pain when one was beaten by their abusive, alcoholic father. As the older of the twins, Kazuto was intensely protective of Senri, and would manipulate his way into taking the beating for both of them, to spare them “double the pain.” He’d also insert himself between their parents when they were fighting, to spare their mother from the father’s abuse. On those nights, Senri, hidden in the cupboard under the stairs, would experience Kazuto’s pain as he took their mother’s beating on himself, until one night, when the beating never came. Instead, Senri emerged from his cupboard to find both his parents murdered and his twin missing. Based on the two brief visions he shared with his twin afterwards, Senri is certain that his brother was kidnapped and murdered as well. Now, Senri is a high school delinquent, still searching for the man who murdered his brother.

It takes a chapter or two for Sanbe-sensei to introduce Senri’s twin into the story—a choice that pays off, I suppose, by denying us full insight into Senri’s state of mind, which makes his morally-gray existence hit a bit harder in the beginning. The first things we find out about him are that he was discovered sitting in a pool of his parents’ blood as a child and that he now helps run an ongoing con in which his partners steal someone’s money and then Senri gets paid to pretend to recover it for the victim. He’s so cold and remorseless, we’d wonder if he might have murdered his parents himself if we weren’t also looking at his terrifying childhood drawings in which he repeatedly depicts the murderer (whose head he eventually lops off with a pair of scissors). Then the twin revelation transforms him from typical anti-hero into a scarier but more sympathetic anti-hero, which works much better, for me anyway.

While Senri and Kazuto’s extreme twin connection doesn’t so far reach the supernatural heights of the protagonist’s time-traveling in Erased, there is a bit of a similar feel in this series that I admit I’m hoping might pan out into something just as fantastical, because an average tale of vengeance isn’t all that interesting to me. That said, there’s a lot going on here, and I am not at all sure where it’s leading. There is quite a bit of mystery introduced in this volume, beyond the identity of the murderer, and there are some supporting characters I’m already very fond of, including Senri’s grandparents, who raised him after he was orphaned, and his childhood friend, Enan, whose backstory is nearly as tragic as his own.

MICHELLE: Aside from an aborted attempt to read volume one, I haven’t read any of Erased, which I’m hoping to rectify this year. And this certainly sounds a worthy successor! I’m a little concerned I’ll have trouble getting into it, as I generally don’t love narratives that focus on remorseless anti-heroes, but it seems like the mystery of what happened to his parents will compel me forward. I confess that, even with this brief synopsis, I’m already expecting kind of a Loveless outcome with the older brother.

MELINDA: Well, maybe I’m overstating the antihero-ness? He’s got a lot of compassion in him (he’s the one who reached out to Enan when they were young and accepted her when nobody else would). He’s just very much intent on being the one to kill his brother’s murderer and it’s what drives his whole narrative at this point. He also tends to inflict physical pain on himself a lot, and I don’t know whether it’s an attempt to recreate the shared pain he no longer can with his brother or a survivor’s guilt thing, but he’s definitely a sympathetic character.

You’re not the only one thinking Loveless here, though. I’m also absolutely expecting that the brother is alive.

MICHELLE: Alive and potentially culpable! This really does sound pretty neat, though. I do like a good mystery.

MELINDA: I’m certainly intrigued! So would you like to talk a bit about our mutual read this week?

MICHELLE: Sure!

Ran and the Gray World is a seven-volume seinen series by Aki Irie. In this first volume, we’re introduced to Ran, a headstrong fourth-grader, who lives with her father and older brother, Jin. Ran and Jin’s mother, Shizuka, doesn’t live with them because her presence is required elsewhere to keep a pair of mysterious giant doors from opening. She’s a Grand Sorceress and it soon becomes apparent that Ran, at least, has inherited her mother’s abilities (and impulsivity). I’m assuming Shizuka also gave her the sneakers, currently far too large, which allow her to transform into a teenage version of herself. For his part, Jin has a magic coat that allows him to transform into a wolf, perfect for tracking Ran when she goes off on ill-advised adventures.

Insisting she’s already grown-up, Ran dons the shoes and hitches a ride with strangers to go visit her mother and, inspired by a special lesson from her kindly science teacher, attempts to fly from the school roof. She has some success at the latter and winds up in the garden of a rich guy named Otaro, who doesn’t endear himself to me when he returns to his apartment building naked, exposing himself to a couple of kids in the lobby in the process. Jin rightly pegs him as fishy, and it’s clear by the end of the volume that he’s become obsessed with Ran. Despite declaring he’d never touch a kid—she’s in teenage form for the entirety of their acquaintance—he soon suggests they become more than friends. He’s a creep, and I’m so glad Ran whisks herself off when he embraces her (“I’m outta here!”) but I do worry about what lies ahead.

MELINDA: I love a lot of things about the premise, and the art is freaking gorgeous, which is what drew me to the book in the first place. I’m also pretty into what’s going on with Ran’s family dynamic, MAGIC (always a winner), and wow, her mom and brother are both absolutely fascinating characters with so much going on. But I am super creeped out by Otaro and worried about what’s going to happen there. It’s funny as someone from the Big generation, I suppose, that I’m so disturbed by a story in which a young girl is inhabiting a much older body. But at least in Big (and I suppose also in something like 13 Going On 30), the young character is at least at an age where they are already experiencing sexual attraction and an interest in romance, so it somehow didn’t feel quite so incredibly wrong as this does. So I’m worried about where this story is going to take Ran in that regard, but trying to be optimistic, I guess?

MICHELLE: Yeah. At the very least, she’s able to extricate herself from these kinds of situations when they arise, but I can’t say I have any faith that she’s going to get any more savvy any time soon.

Jin is hands-down my favorite character in the series. He’s like a Doumeki type or something. Knows that magic exists, but sensible. Looks dour, but actually kind. And so, I side with him where Shizuka is concerned, finding her to be profligate with her magic when she comes to their house. I mean, it looked like people genuinely had car accidents when she rained giant desserts down upon the town!

MELINDA: You have hit the nail on the head with Jin as the Doumeki type! And that explains why I like him so much, too. I always identify with the Watanuki characters, but I adore and crave a Doumeki for reasons that are probably obvious. Kind of ironic, isn’t it, that the loose canon character here shares her name with him. Shizuka is a terrifying mess and her power lets her get away with it, so I feel that we can count on her to provide plenty of conflict here. We don’t need the creepy dude!

MICHELLE: Definitely not. Perhaps she’ll do us all a favor and turn him into a turnip.

MELINDA: I could get behind that!

Despite my reservations about Otaro and where that storyline might lead, I am probably more excited and intrigued about this series than anything else we’ve discussed here today. It’s whimsical, original, filled with mysterious potential (what’s behind those doors??), and I can’t overstate how beautifully drawn it is. With the artwork alone, I’m besotted.

MICHELLE: I failed to say this the first time you mentioned the art, but I absolutely agree. There’s a certain retro, Moto Hagio-ish quality to it that’s very appealing.

MELINDA: Yes, it’s sort of Heart of Thomas meets Bride of the Water God, art wise—detailed and ornate, but also flowing, always in motion, like Ran’s personality. I’m definitely looking forward to more!

By: Melinda Beasi

#Anime #News #Manga Bookshelf

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crowbutch-blog · 7 years

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on moving, loss, and the end of an era. subtopic: pain and remembrance

i hated it with a passion that defies words. that house.

not a passion, really. that takes a kind of color. an endurance, is maybe closer to what i’m looking for - something gray. i have a tendency to personify houses, and that house took fucking everything from me. it sucked my color out, left me all cicada shell. the last time i drove away from it - or one of them? - i stood a full minute while my best friend waited and recited otep shamaya’s “on the shore” to myself as a kind of cleansing ritual.

i am so tired of writing about them but i suppose i have to. sick of names and sick of the endless parade of descriptors, i have resorted lately - on the rare occasion i refer to this person; it’s only happened maybe once or twice that i can recall in the last six or so months - as “that fucker.” the horrifying betrayal of the woman i once called my best friend hurt and was stunning, but that... stung differently. that all changed in an evening. that was one massive trauma, and i was not the real victim of that, as well i know. the middle betrayal was not so much a betrayal as an inevitability - i read that kid right as soon as i met him, and forged bonds that i had to in order to get me through the long day that year ended up being. i had moments where i thought “oh, perhaps,” but i called it well in advance: this was not a lasting bond, and in fact was not really a bond at all, but the kind of alliance you’re forced to make when a bigger enemy’s got the high ground and a really, really fucking big gun.

no, it was really that fucker that got me. now, after therapy, the idea seems almost... laughable. except it’s not funny. it’s very, very sad.

i wanted friendship so badly. i was better off that first year in college - alone and a little lonely, but not too badly - but i wanted that tight-knit friend group i’d always dreamed of when i was in middle school. i didn’t see it, of course; i had that, was lucky enough to have that, still have that - but in that moment, here were these older people who all seemed to tolerate me and gosh golly some of them were just so cool and with it and relatable!

i took the poisoned honey. i took the praise, welcomed the access to other people, but in drinking damned myself. (it’s 2:19 am, i think i can be forgiven for some ridiculously pretentious writing style at the moment.)

and yet, i don’t like that. just because i was willing to give does not mean that that fucker could take, and take, and take, and take, and take. they wanted so much. they wanted everything. they wanted to possess me, couldn’t, and so ripped little pieces of me off at first, and then bigger and bigger chunks. they couldn’t have those, either, because parts of a person don’t mean anything once they’re detached: they disappear. you can’t hold someone’s swagger or smile. you can’t bottle pride or taxidermy dead self-assurance. you just know that you took it, and keep ripping and ripping and ripping.

my mother laughed the other night when i described my symptoms from that year. it was cruel, but - and this is no excuse - she didn’t understand, and didn’t intend it to be so. she just wanted to defuse the situation. can’t really deactivate something that’s already blown, though.

i ache so much for that girl-monster clawing at the walls. “invisible” really sums it up so well: “where my temper runs, in rivers of decay, i am invisible, i’m in this mood [or was it ‘room?’ i think it ought to be ‘room’] for days. teeth on every wall that never go away.” then, what this poor girl-thing thought of herself: “i’m made of blades and flame; i’m sick and dangerous. you’re my favorite prey, because i hurt the ones i love.”

really the main one she ever really hurt was herself. i know that now. you’re not hurting your abuser when you slice up your ankle in a fog after talking to your dad on the phone and trying to talk yourself out of slicing up your wrists instead. that’s not even what she wanted: it’s what she feared. she just so desperately didn’t want to hurt anybody, just wanted everything to stop, and yet felt she was constantly harming and stopping nothing. i have so much compassion for that version of myself because i carry her with me still, and she hurts so much. she’s crying as i write this; the emotional pain actually manifests in my chest as a physical experience - tight heat. she still thinks no one loves her, she still thinks the petty secrets she’s confessed a thousand times to a thousand different people will damn her in the eyes of everyone - she still thinks she, somehow, through some intrinsic trait even more unalterable than her own DNA, is poisonous, is effectively (not literally, but more or less) metaphysical poison gas that will hurt all those around her through mere literal physical presence. that’s delusional thinking. i know that. i knew that then, to some extent.

and of course that shining light that led me out in some ways was my friends and in other ways was the woman i fell in love with (who i addressed in the first of this very weird journaling exercise.) but we know how i fell into it, don’t we?

i wanted to be liked. i wanted to be loved.

not such a bad thing, but i stopped loving myself somewhere in between that loner freshman who did what she liked and that junior who desperately wanted to just stop this awful awful feeling whenever her then-friend humiliated her in public. and that’s really where the trouble starts. my strength moved from the internal to the external, and i can’t accept that. i don’t accept that.

i do not want to allow that to happen again, in another place, 3000 miles away.

i have driven by that house, by necessity, a few times. it is still ramshackle. it is for sale. it is fucked and not worth half what they’re asking for.

incredibly, i don’t care if the person who did so much damage in my life - incredibly! some days i can’t believe they fully bull-in-a-china-shopped my whole shit as much as they did! - sinks or swims. i have a prediction, but i’m just... not invested in the outcome of their life, or if they ever hear about mine. i distantly hope they don’t, because they frankly deserve not even the ghost of a whisp of a fragment of information about me, but you can’t control that. i can’t control that. i just am glad to see them gone.

i suppose i should be grateful for the experience, but i’m not. not really. i’ll never thank the world for this pain - or, i suppose ‘never’ is too soon, get back to me at the end of time, but right now i don’t feel the need to, how about that? i choose to believe it will be useful to me in the future, though i desperately hope it won’t - but that is my own synthesizing of information. i didn’t “need” the pain this person inflicted on me. it’s not something i couldn’t have learned any other way. i very likely would’ve figured out by observation exactly what breed of asshole they were, given enough time and space.

and even if i didn’t?

i didn’t deserve that abuse. the pain and rage i had to deal with do not belong to me - they were dumped on me by this person, who had no right to export their shit onto my fucking mainframe. and that? i return to them. not with vindictiveness, not with a self-satisfied sneer, not with a middle finger flipped up or a tongue stuck out or a mocking face at their turned back.

it simply doesn’t fucking belong to me. i don’t want it. and they will take it back.

that house is so small, now.

and when i packed up and left the apartment i just left, waiting to get into an as-yet-to-be-100%-determined new one... i was so relieved that it just felt like a section of a building, and not a person.

#idk that anyone's reading this - it's not Super Private i'm literally putting it on the fuckinge internette as a cathartic exercise #but pls be aware if u do that it's got Some Shit in it #delete this later #original txt

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tune-collective · 7 years

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Every Song From the Disney Renaissance (1989-'99), Ranked: Critics' Take

It’s 2017, and generations young and old will get to relive a slice of the glory days of the late-20th-century Disney Renaissance, with live-action remakes of ’90s classics Aladdin and The Lion King reportedly in the works, and even a non-Disney reboot of The Little Mermaid in the pipeline. But first up is the highly anticipated Beauty and the Beast revival hitting theaters Friday (March 17).

If you’re not familiar with the Disney Renaissance, it’s the wondrous period from 1989 to 1999 during which the studio created 10 iconic animated films — in chronological order, The Little Mermaid, The Rescuers Down Under, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Mulan and Tarzan — thus resulting in some of the most classic Disney songs ever made.

We mostly have the composer and lyricist team of musical masterminds Alan Menken and Howard Ashman to thank for that, with additional contributions to the canon coming from composer/producer Hans Zimmer, as well as legendary musicians Elton John and Phil Collins. Not including the films’ scores, there are 45 songs in total from the Renaissance (not counting the super-slight “Court of Miracles” from Hunchback or “Listen With Your Heart” from Pocahontas), though none come from Rescuers, which featured no original songs. In honor of the new Beauty and the Beast coming, we felt it was only right to rank all of these classics.

Take a look at where each song ranks on this list, and listen to our playlist below to really get you in the zone. Let the Disney debates begin.

45. “A Girl Worth Fighting For,” Mulan

Disney wasn’t exactly known for it’s politically correct content at the time of its Renaissance, but this one is likely the one to most trigger the feminist viewers. Although the suitor song sounds cute in melody, its lyrics mention men’s expectation of women fawning over their strength and preparing meals for them. And when Mulan tries to sneak in a line about women with brains that like to speak their mind, their response is even more frustrating: “Nah.” – TAYLOR WEATHERBY

44/43. “Savages,” Pocahontas / “The Mob Song,” Beauty and the Beast

Despite having very different storylines, Pocahontas and Beauty and the Beast happened to feature extremely similar scenes of angry crowds gathering and chanting about the subjects whom they were ready to attack. Both were led by the movies’ antagonists — Governor Ratcliffe in Pocahontas and Gaston in Beauty — but neither song really added a spark to their respective films that made them worthy of singing along to. In fact, both songs inflict enough fear that the little kids watching probably never want to hear the songs (or witness the fiery scenes) again. – T.W.

42. “God Help the Outcasts,” The Hunchback of Notre Dame

It’s arguable that the storyline and songs in Hunchback focus a little too much on protagonist Quasimodo’s deformities, so hearing the gorgeous gypsy Esmeralda sing a song about the less fortunate – and seeing Quasi’s touched reaction to her prayer – is endearing. The only thing is, amidst the other classic Disney songs of the time, the somber vibe of this one makes it a fall a little flat. – T.W.

41. “Heaven’s Light/Hellfire,” The Hunchback of Notre Dame

A duet of sorts from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, sung by Tony Jay and Tom Hulce, the song juxtaposes Quasimodo’s innocent longing for Esmerelda and Frollo’s contempt for the gypsy girl who has bewitched him with impure thoughts. But in a mostly overlooked film, it’s one of the least memorable tunes. — DENISE WARNER

40. “Honor to Us All,” Mulan

The obligatory Everyone’s Excited About Something Except the Protagonist song from Mulan, “Honor to Us All” is a little too expository to be all that catchy, and the traditional Eastern musical influence feels well-intentioned but clumsy. The musical round the second verse is presented in is a nice touch, though. – ANDREW UNTERBERGER

39. “Mine, Mine, Mine,” Pocahontas

Disney has a way of making its villains super unlikable, but some of the bad guys do get their moment in the spotlight with epically catchy tunes, like Ursula’s “Poor Unfortunate Souls” in The Little Mermaid or Scar’s “Be Prepared” in The Lion King (both featured later in our list). When it came time for Governor Ratcliffe’s big moment in Pocahontas, his greed overpowered his evil, and frankly his voice is too much like an opera singer rather than a mean spirit. Unfortunately for the governor, he failed to even compare to his villainous peers. – T.W.

38. “A Guy Like You,” The Hunchback of Notre Dame

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0UlAZT09IE

The three lively gargoyles of Notre Dame (Victor, Hugo and Laverne) offered some positivity in Quasimodo’s otherwise rather depressing tale, and really did so with this ego-booster of a tune. Sure, they made a little mockery of his unique stature, but Quasi’s trio of pals meant well in reassuring him that he’s a catch — especially in Esmeralda’s eyes. – T.W.

37. “The Bells of Notre Dame,” The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Setting the scene of The Hunchback of Notre Dame is no easy feat, but the musical’s opening number fares quite well, employing Latin choruses for tone and effect. Compared to the highest heights of the Disney canon, however, the song lacks a certain je ne sais quoi — to use the language of Victor Hugo’s original novel. — D.W.

36. “One Last Hope,” Hercules

When Danny DeVito voices a little goat man in an animated Disney movie, obviously something pretty silly is going to come of it. His role as tritaognist (and in this song, Hercules’ advisor) Phil is comparable to Robin Williams’ Genie in Aladdin, adding hilarity and hopeful motivation to the film’s eventual hero. While this song does have a jazzy, bounce-along beat — and DeVito deserves some kudos for trying his hand at singing — his voice and hype doesn’t quite measure up to Williams’ in “Friend Like Me.” – T.W.

35. “Two Worlds,” Tarzan

Disney doesn’t do movie openings without an epic number, and the dynamic drums (and vocals courtesy of Phil Collins) deliver just that for the final movie of the Renaissance. “Two Worlds” provides the perfect summary soundtrack to the intro montage shown of Tarzan’s family and his soon-to-be gorilla family, but as a song, Collins pretty clearly managed to outdo himself with other tunes throughout the film. – T.W.

34. “Topsy Turvy,” Hunchback of Notre Dame

When Paris gets turned upside down, Quasimodo becomes a king. That’s what happens on Topsy Turvy day (also known as the Festival of Fools), as narrated in song by jovial gypsy Clopin Trouillefou, making for a lively and colorful scene in the movie – perhaps the best and most Disney-like of the entire Hunchback film and soundtrack. – T.W.

33. “Something There,” Beauty and the Beast

For a song that accompanies such a climactic cinematic moment — falling in love — this song has little spark, especially in comparison to the film’s grandiose ballroom scene. As both Belle and the Beast sing their internal monologues while realizing their true feelings for one another, the arrangement falls short; particularly when compared to the film’s more obvious fan-favorites. – LYNDSEY HAVENS

32. “Arabian Nights,” Aladdin

“It’s barbaric, but hey, it’s home.” Aladdin’s intro song might not be the karaoke classic that some later jams rightly became — and the lyrical broad-stroking was culturally insensitive enough that they had to alter some of the lyrics for future versions – but it sets a tone like few others. – A.U.

31. “Son of Man,” Tarzan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WcHPFUwd6U

Not the undeniable smash that “You’ll Be in My Heart” was, but arguably more reminiscent of peak Phil Collins – a multi-drum-track banger of self-discovery with a propulsive synth hook that gets you swinging from vine to vine. Given what we know of Phil’s own absentee relationship with daughter Lily, though, lyrics like “There’s no one there to guide you/ No one to take your hand” take on a slightly more bitter irony than he likely intended. – A.U.

30. “Out There,” The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Perhaps the only good thing to come from living life in a cathedral with dancing gargoyles was Quasimodo’s “Out There,” an emotional, people-watching number that expressed his longing to join society. Loners, this one’s for you. – ADELLE PLATON

29. “Prince Ali,” Aladdin

Menken proved to be a master of memorable songwriting, incorporating the catchiest of inflections and melodies that also happen to seamlessly fit the theme of whatever movie the tune was part of. “Prince Ali” is a prime example, serving as the extremely sing-along worthy soundtrack to Aladdin’s Prince parade. – T.W.

28. Poor Unfortunate Souls, The Little Mermaid

Beyond voice-snatching, Ursula had a knack for whipping up supervillain anthems. Enter “Poor Unfortunate Souls,” a wicked diss track to merfolk that nonetheless isn’t quite as lethal as Scar’s bad-guy theme in The Lion King. – A.P.

27. “Just Around the Riverbend,” Pocahontas

You can almost feel the chilling wind on your neck and splash of water on your face as Pocahontas sings this song while paddling down the river. What starts off as a rousing and rallying song about dreaming big takes a turn towards the end, as the tempo slows and the lyrics become far less assured. – L.H.

26. “Trashin’ the Camp,” Tarzan

Phil Collins’ joyful romp from Tarzan owes its visuals to “Under the Sea,” with an array of animals playing instruments found in the jungle camp. You can’t help but sing along when Rosie O’Donnell breaks out into all those “doo bop she doo”s. (And the version with *NSYNC is just as fun.) — D.W.

25. “Zero to Hero,” Hercules

This sonic narration of Hercules’ rise to hero status soundtracks a pivotal point in the movie. With catchy and clever wordplay (“Who put the glad in gladiator?” the muses sing), and a tempo shift midway through, this song has plenty to offer. – L.H.

24. “One Jump Ahead,” Aladdin

An impressively jaunty, enjoyably frisky ode to street-ratdom that had six-year-olds across the country asking their parents what the hell a “nom de plume” was. “I steal only what I can’t afford / That’s everything!” The stuff of Republican nightmares. – A.U.

23. “Strangers Like Me,” Tarzan

Although this wasn’t the award-winning track from Phil Collins’ impressive Tarzan catalog (we’ll get to that soon enough), it has the same vigorous drums of the opening “Two Worlds” and bonafide jam “Son of Man,” combined with the heart and of the film’s most revered hit. The curious lyrics are in tune with the discoveries Tarzan makes as the song plays, making for an almost dreamlike experience, even just watching it in VHS quality. – T.W.

22. “True to Your Heart,” Mulan

Stevie Wonder and 98 Degrees together in one song is a pretty promising combination, and they certainly lived up to the hype with this playful, harmonica-flavored boy band jam that closes out Mulan. — T.W.

21. “I Won’t Say (I’m in Love),” Hercules

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tl0DMTlwLw4

There are plenty of clichéd love stories in the Disney filmography, and Hercules’ damsel Megara (“Meg” for short) certainly didn’t want to fall under the same spell as her predecessors. But as she hopelessly trots around the Grecian grounds soulfully belting out her little love ditty – accompanied by The Muses, who try telling her she’s in denial – she finally comes to a conclusion to which many a girl (or guy) can relate: “At least out loud, I won’t say I’m in love.” – T.W.

20. “Gaston,” Beauty and the Beast

The title theme for Beauty and the Beast’s chest-puffed antagonist punctures male entitlement and satirizes bro absurdity with such acuity you’ll end up looking for Kathleen Hanna’s name in the writing credits. “When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs/ Every morning to help me get large,” Gaston boasts in the song’s deal-sealing bridge. “Now that I’m grown I eat five dozen eggs/ So I’m roughly the size of a barge!” A couple centuries later, he’d be bragging about his new haircut and showering in Jagerbombs. – A.U.

19. “Reflection,” Mulan

A lot of times when a Disney princess takes the screen for a solo, she’s singing about a male suitor, or one she longs for. But in Mulan’s case, her breakout spot was an expressive, insightful lyric that — while a bit heartbreaking — serves as a realization of what her next steps should be, even if her family won’t approve. It’s a monumental moment for the heroine, as it’s the first glimpse of what Fa Mulan really looks like underneath her required makeup. And after it received a pop makeover a la Christina Aguilera, the song became monumental for Mulan’s fans, too. – T.W.

18. “A Star is Born,” Hercules

This infectious feel-good song about an outcast-turned-hero finally being embraced by his community — as a star, no less — serves as a perfect closing track to this mythologically inspired film. “I finally know where I belong,” Hercules tells his parents, as a lush orchestra begins to play and the ever-present muses have the gospel-infused final word. – L.H.

17. “Circle of Life,” The Lion King

When you think of epic Disney openings, it really doesn’t get much more grand than this. Actually, forget that – Disney or not, there is no denying that “Circle of Life” is one of the most dynamic beginnings to any movie, period. As if the majestic images of the Pride Lands wildlife aren’t enough to get your adrenaline pumping, the bold drums and building chants combine for one of the most iconic scenes in Disney history. Even without the visuals, the roaring anthem is enough to bring you right back to Pride Rock, and that oh-so-unforgettable sunrise. – T.W.

16. “Belle,” Beauty and the Beast

We’re introduced to our heroine Belle in Beauty and the Beast in familiar-enough Disney Princess fashion, but once her lilting prologue wraps, all of a sudden we’ve entered a French operetta. The buoyant opening number (and title theme for the film’s protagonist) expertly layers vocals from various villagers to create a complex musical and lyrical tapestry that wouldn’t be out of place in Les Misérables — you know, aside from the lack of death and despair in this little town. Belle might not be too thrilled with this “provincial life,” but it doesn’t look so bad from here. – T.W.

15. “Be Prepared,” The Lion King

Scar’s plan for fascist domination didn’t end well, but don’t get it twisted — his anthem is the quintessential Disney villain song. Tim Rice and Elton John’s sinister, thunderous tune revs up Jeremy Irons’ baritone. And with just enough xylophone and hyena giggle (courtesy of Whoppi Goldberg, Cheech Marin and Jim Cummings), “Be Prepared” roars as a towering, multi-faceted monstrosity. – CHRIS PAYNE

14. Friend Like Me, Aladdin

The Genie was easily one of Robin Williams’ best roles during his legendary career, bringing his kooky personality to life in an eccentric blue-bodied cartoon character. While his resume hadn’t included singing until Aladdin, Williams absolutely nailed “Friend Like Me” almost effortlessly — as Menken confirmed during a recent visit to Billboard — which resulted in a wildly fun, jazzy and extremely memorable number. – T.W.

13. “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King,” The Lion King

Simba’s anthem of youthful invincibility translates to pop banger more convincingly than just about anything else on our list. Those jubilant, piping whistles, the rubbery bass line, the subtle guitar groove — this one got compared to Billy Joel’s “The River of Dreams” in its time, but in 2017 terms, Vampire Weekend writing for Top 40 radio suits it just fine. – C.P.

12. “You’ll Be in My Heart,” Tarzan

While there is no denying that Menken, Rice and Zimmer had Disney songs on lock, Collins came in for the finale of the Renaissance and did the composers proud. Compositionally, “You’ll Be In My Heart” isn’t the biggest earworm, and it doesn’t have the most iconic hook. But what it does have is that pull at the heartstrings that all the Disney classics do, giving it the aww-inspiring musical and lyrical qualities that landed it both an Academy Award and a Golden Globe Award for best original song in 1999. – T.W.

11. “Kiss the Girl,” The Little Mermaid

In which Sebastian the Crab – who, with apologies to Robin Wililams’ Genie, you really never had a friend like – sets the mood for the title character’s contractually mandated kiss of true love with an addictive, calypso-tinged ballad that alternately lures and demeans her intended into action. No less a pop luminary than Brian Wilson covered it, and it was an inspired choice – “Kiss the Girl” echoed the confused, constantly battling sides of a young lover’s subconscious better than just about any song since “Good Vibrations.” – A.U.

10. “Go the Distance,” Hercules

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgnHF2CwrPs

Similar to Mulan’s struggle in “Reflection,” Hercules has a moment of “I don’t belong” realization before heading on his self-discovery journey – which results in the movie’s most vibrant number. Despite its relatively short running time, the triumphant, trumpet-laced tune can serve as an anthem for anyone who needs a little motivation and feel like every mile is worth their while. – T.W.

9. “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” The Lion King

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25QyCxVkXwQ

“Can You Feel the Love Tonight” is rightly remembered as one of the great love songs of the Disney canon; with its towering chorus and climactic key change, the ballad earns its place as the soundtrack to a scene of greater animal intimacy than most pre-teens watching were prepared to process. But the song’s true brilliance, excised by the unavoidable Elton John version, is that originally, “Tonight” was bookended with laments from Simba’s buddy Timon, who understands that his friend’s new romantic union will undoubtedly weaken their own platonic bond. It gets at the sad truth a less-nuanced song wouldn’t have the guts to express: Every great young love story is also the story of one or multiple sideline casualties. – A.U.

8. “Part of Your World,” The Little Mermaid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXKlJuO07eM

When you’re a mermaid, apparently you don’t get too far just flippin’ your fins. But when you’re singing a song fantasizing over living a life you can’t, it makes for a moment that everyone can relate to. And when the song has impeccable rhymes, backed by a dramatic violins, it becomes one that no one can resist singing along to. Besides, what other songs can successfully incorporate the word “thingamabobs” and make you want to integrate it into your personal vocabulary? – T.W.

7. “Beauty and the Beast,” Beauty and the Beast

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQ0ODCMC6xs

A romance between a massive, wolf-like creature and a dainty brunette villager is one that’s really only imagined in a Disney movie, but when it’s soundtracked by a whimsically beautiful song as old as rhyme, it becomes a tale as old as time. Enough with the lyric play – “Beauty and the Beast” was an instantly dazzling tune from the moment that flute kicked off the romantic ballad. No matter if it’s Angela Lansbury’s Mrs. Potts, Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson, or Ariana Grande and John Legend narrating the classic ballroom scene, the combination of the piano, full orchestra and sweet narrative is one that every generation can swoon over. – T.W.

6. “Colors of the Wind,” Pocahontas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk33dTVHreQ

Pocahontas and John Smith’s complicated love story reached a turning point in Pocahontas with the Native American princess’ wistful number “Colors of the Wind.” While Smith and his fellow settlers were on the hunt for land and riches, Pocahontas put her frustrating romance aside to whip up this artistic PSA to and instead respect nature and wildlife, embracing the diversity around you. – A.P.

5. “I’ll Make a Man Out of You,” Mulan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVcLIfSC4OE

After The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin and The Lion King dominated the Disney music scene for the first half of the Renaissance, Donny Osmond’s kick-ass training song and Mulan’s badass main character made for an unstoppable combination that landed it amongst the greats. If those watching weren’t convinced that Mulan wasn’t capable of being in the army when she set out, this scene provides all the proof necessary that she can keep up with her most masculine of militia mates. And with Osmond offering up intensely fierce vocals on lyrics like “With all the strength of a raging fire / Mysterious as the dark side of the moon” — especially on the epic power-note finish — Mulan (and anyone watching, for that matter) surely feels empowered enough to defeat the Huns. – T.W.

4. “Be Our Guest,” Beauty and the Beast

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afzmwAKUppU

A good Disney love song is tough to beat, but when a singing candelabra is involved, it’s hard to not put this fun dinnertime tune up against the greatest of romance records. Lumière’s charming French accent sets the scene for the stunning song, crafting a perfect set-up for the vibrant melody and brilliant verses that are the heart and soul of “Be Our Guest.” Relax, pull up a chair and be the guest of Beauty and the Beast’s most thrilling musical number. Can you really contest choreographed routines by a chorus of spoons, honey pots, plates and feather dusters? The answer is… absolutely not, especially when the finale involves champagne showers and a sparking (dancing spoon-lined) chandelier. – T.W.

3. “Hakuna Matata,” The Lion King

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB5ceAruYrI

Sure, When Harry Met Sally was a thing before The Lion King was, but there may be no better character introduction in recent film history than when Simba meets Timon and Pumba. As a young lion cub that finds himself completely lost in his own family’s kingdom, Simba needed some reassurance that everything was going to be okay. So, a meerkat and a warthog provide that guarantee, with perhaps the most relatable fake phrase ever created. If you first experienced the beloved movie moment as a kid, you probably didn’t notice the same jokes within the lyrics that you would as an adult (“He could clear the savannah after every meal” is likely more relatable as an elder…) – but perhaps that’s what makes this bouncy tune so lovable across all generations. Even after just one take, you’ll be singing this wonderful phrase all the way home, implementing the motto in your life anytime you need to tell yourself “no worries.” Oh, and that transformational log scene during the bridge? Yeah, there’s no way anyone is contesting “Hakuna Matata” as the best Lion King moment. – T.W.

2. “A Whole New World,” Aladdin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s

The only song from the Disney Renaissance to top the Billboard Hot 100, “A Whole New World” goes for the gusto like few love ballads songs in history, having the distinct advantage of being able to offer a magic carpet ride that isn’t even metaphorical. “Don’t you dare close your eyes/ Hold your breath, it gets better,” Aladdin promises in aside, and the music backs him up, a sweeping, gorgeous, up-up-up arrangement of strings and harmonies that reaches the clouds and just keeps soaring. Like any number of Phil Spector songs did for young pop fans of the ‘60s, “A Whole New World” gave ‘90s babies impossibly high expectations for love’s (literal) otherworldliness — but for then, we were happy just to fly along with Jasmine and Aladdin and dream of our own future journeys to that “wondrous place.” – A.U.

1. “Under the Sea,” The Little Mermaid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC_mV1IpjWA

This bubbly ditty sung by a spunky, red crustacean made underwater life the wave. While the aforementioned Aladdin duet is the G.O.A.T. of romantic Disney ballads, Sebastian’s epic ocean orchestra for The Little Mermaid flooded the ears of fin-less fans and warned that life by land is the ultimate snoozefest. Who’s to argue when the splashy performance not only scored an Oscar for best original song in 1990, but a pair of Grammys in ’91, including best song written specifically for a motion picture or for television. “Darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter,” assures Sebastian, whose underwater jam session has kept kids and kidults both swimming and dancing for decades. – A.P.

This article originally appeared on: Billboard

http://tunecollective.com/2017/03/17/every-song-disney-renaissance-1989-99-ranked-critics-take/

#198999 #critics #Disney #ranked #renaissance #song

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redefinedrealtoradvisers-blog · 7 years

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It’s Insane not to Buy a Home While You’re Still Young!

If you’re young—under 40 or so—and have been heeding all the personal finance advice spewing forth from some of the most popular columnists and bloggers over the last few years about how owning a home doesn’t make financial sense anymore, I’m afraid you’ve been duped.

Buying a house—especially when you’re younger—is still an incredibly smart decision financial or otherwise. I’m about to explain why, but let me start by saying I do not own a home, so there is no hidden bias in the argument I’m about to make.

Read on to learn why all the smart financial bloggers who tell you it’s better to rent than buy are completely wrong. Hint: It’s in the numbers.

An Expanding Real Estate Bubble

In 2007, the Real Estate Bubble in America had grown to epic proportions. Home prices were out of control, completely unsustainable, and worst of all—few people even knew what a bubble was, let alone that their frenzy to buy a house before they were “priced out of the market forever” was only adding to the massive amounts of pain they were about inflict upon themselves.

There were a few smart financial advisors warning of impending doom, but those folks were just raining on the parade, and few people paid any attention.

Funny enough, it was people in the age range of around 20-25, who understood the same thing these financial advisors did—that doom was on the way. Only we’re from a generation that doesn’t really watch TV, and we weren’t old or wise enough yet to connect our own experiences to the bigger picture.

It was depressing. I was earning more than all of my friends, and there was still no way I could afford to buy a house.

I’d talk to some of my well paid colleagues, and they despaired over the same things. We looked at the situation and said, “Screw it. We’ll never be able to afford it.” So we gave up looking.

What we didn’t know was that giving up was exactly what would save us from financial ruin just a few years later.

The bubble pops, and a new way of life sets in

So it’s 2008 and home prices have started to fall, but they’re still miles away from affordable for me or anyone I know even as my friends and I all continue to earn well above the median wage.

At this point, I’d given up any hope of buying a place and had, instead, found a 5-bedroom house in Portland to rent for $1,200/month and moved my girlfriend and four other friends in.

If I couldn’t buy a place, I was going to live damn cheap! And for the next three years, I did. Turns out, many other people my age across the country were doing the same thing.

We didn’t know at the time our “collective sigh of discontent” as I like to call it was exactly what was driving housing prices down. It was like all the adults had a party, got wasted, made a huge mess and said, “It’s okay, the kids will clean it up in the morning.”

When, instead, we said, “We couldn’t clean this up even if we wanted to,” and that’s when the panic started setting in!

At this point, all the popular personal finance bloggers and television celebrities are wising up and saying, “We’re in a bubble, and the bubble is popping. Buying a house is not a good decision right now.”

They were right. Everyone starts to look a little differently at real estate.

All the personal finance bloggers jump the shark…

For the next four years, young people like me sit on the sidelines and watch as the housing market gets massacred. We wonder if prices will ever stop falling.

Four years ago, all the personal finance bloggers and television celebrities reminded us: “We’re in a bubble, and a bubble does not change the rules of money. Don’t spend too much on a house.”

Yet, now, as we watch prices continue to decline, the same talking heads start to disregard their own advice. They start to question if buying a house is a good idea at all. Maybe we’ve all been duped, and owning a home is just asking for financial ruin.

Articles start to pop up all over the Internet on well-respected sites like Forbes, Time, NYT, and many others with headlines like “Why I Never Want to Own a Home Again.”

They start to argue that houses are poor investments and that you can earn more elsewhere. They argue that buying ties you down and kills your freedom. Or that maintenance costs are too much to bear—it’s better to rent so the landlord has to pay for it. They make up all kinds of other arguments that sound good in the moment, but are completely ridiculous.

Since the beginning of time, private property and home ownership have been a proven path to store wealth for the long-term. But now it’s different.

A few years ago, they argued the laws of economics don’t change just because you’re in a bubble. Yet, they’ve decided the laws do change now that we’re out of it.

The problem is short-term thinking

I’m about to lay out for you a scenario that assumes the worst about home ownership and the best for long-term renting and show how home ownership still comes out ahead.

But we first need to ask an important question:

If the long-standing conventional wisdom has been that owning a home is a good financial move, then why, suddenly, have we decided it isn’t anymore?

The answer is one of perspective.

We no longer take truly long-term views for our future, and we optimize our lives for small but instant gratification instead of big wins in the future. And all the financial writers trying to gather eyeballs for their work know this and cater to it.

Even though the reality is owning a home will probably save you hundreds of thousands of dollars over your entire life—one of the smartest financial moves you can make—the advice we see everywhere now doesn’t account for this because no one seems to care what their life will be like more than a few years from now.

What’s the lifetime cost of renting vs. owning?

Let’s say you’re 25 years old, and you’re trying to decide whether to buy a house or to keep renting. You run into all kinds of articles written by high-earning personal finance experts in their 20s and 30s talking about how owning a home is a waste of money now, and you can enjoy an amazing life and far financial rewards if you give up the idea of ever owning.

Is it true?

Yes, when you purchase a house, you have to do some legwork to make sure you’re buying something that’s valued fairly. But the rest is nonsense.

And here’s a conservative example using very unfavorable criteria for purchasing a home and favorable criteria for renting. What we want to know is, “What’s the lifetime cost?”

Let’s say you buy a $250,000 home with a paltry 10% down. You’re taking on a $225,000 loan, and you’ll be paying PMI (private mortgage insurance) of about 0.5% until you have 20% equity in your place.

Now, that’s just the beginning of what you’ll need to account for when you buy a house. Your interest rate matters, so let’s say you get a bad deal (by today’s standards) and have to pay 6%.

You’ll also need to pay property taxes of 2% of the value of your house every year for as long as you own the place. And don’t forget the maintenance you’ll certainly need to save for over the course of ownership. We’ll assume 1% of the home value—which is high—because you don’t want to make any repairs yourself or compare bids to get the best deal.

Put this all together and here’s what you’ll pay to own this house if you live to be 80:

Down Payment: $25,000

Loan Re-payment over 30-years at 6% (including PMI and property tax): $636,000

Property taxes after loan repayment: $125,000

Maintenance: $137,000

Total cost of ownership: $923,000

Yep, almost a $1M. It looks like a lot, but remember: this conservatively covers your living space for your entire life.

How much would renting that same place cost? We’ll assume the landlord owns it on similar terms but, since she’s a super-nice lady just trying to provide decent housing, she makes no profit on the rental. It’s cashflow neutral for her.

So, she rents it out for the price of her mortgage: $1,766/month.

Over the course of your life, you’ll pay $1.2 million, or about $200k more than you would if you’d owned the place.

That’s right, $200,000 more. What could you do with an extra $200,000? Well, not much for yourself since it took your entire life to save that much, but you could start a pretty awesome college fund for your grandkids.

Perhaps that’s why so many personal finance gurus focus on short-term gains: because people want extra money they can use now for themselves, not later for others.

The argument for owning only gets stronger when you consider these three things left out of our example above:

We left out the value of the house at the end of life. Maybe in your last few years you decide to move in with your kids. If the house didn’t appreciate at all in 55 years, you’d still be able to sell it for the original purchase price of $250k, and that puts you $400k ahead of renting.

This model completely ignores inflation. When you buy a house on a long-term, fixed mortgage, you’re essentially shorting the value of the dollar (or whatever currency you use)—a pretty safe bet for any country printing money faster than it can get rid of it. Every year you own your home, it gets cheaper to live there. The opposite is true when you rent. This tilts the scale towards ownership astronomically more.

Buying younger? Living longer? No problem, even more money in your pocket since every year of ownership adds to your advantage.

All the other reasons you still think renting is better, debunked.

If you’re a big proponent of lifelong renting (or one of the financial bloggers I’ve just called out), then you might be foaming at the mouth by now, ready to unleash a torrent of rebuttals for why I’m completely wrong.

Hopefully I’ve already convinced you otherwise but, just in case, here’s my response to the most popular pro-renting arguments:

1. I want to travel & never be tied down to a mortgage! I want to be free!

This is a truly unenlightened argument, and it’s steeped in the limiting belief that somehow, if you own a home, you’ve signed up for a lifetime of servitude, never to venture beyond your property line again due to the financial commitment and overwhelming amount of back-breaking labor that comes with owning a home.

Nonsense! If you want to travel and be free, then rent your house out and have someone else pay the mortgage while you’re away.

If you rent, that’s what you’re doing for your own landlord now!

Is being a landlord still too much work? Hire a property management company to run the place. All you have to do is collect and write checks. Surely you can handle that much.

2. It’s cheaper to rent where I live.

Sure, for now.

As a Renter - you’ll be blessed to see cycles of rents lower than mortgages and cursed to live through the opposite over the course of your life. It’ll probably switch several times. This is how markets work.

But in the long run it evens out, and rent will always average higher than ownership due to the need for a profit motive for those taking the “risk” to own.

Your ability to beat the average over your life will have more to do with the year you were born and a little luck than any financial wizardry.

3. I rent because I don’t want the burden of paying taxes and interest and maintenance and all the other costs of ownership.

This is my favorite one to blast into oblivion. The truth is that if you rent, you already pay all those things. They’re wrapped up into one monthly check for your convenience. And you get to add some extra for the landlord as well.

Think about it! If you owned something that cost $1,000/month to keep, but then also had a bunch of other costs attached, would you let someone else use it without paying for those other costs? Of course not. Renters must pay the full cost of home ownership and then some, or there would be no such thing as a rental house.

4. Houses are bad investments. I can make more with other investments.

Actually, you can’t. Not because I don’t think you’re a prudent investor, but because we’ve already debunked the idea that you’re going to save any extra money over the course of your life to invest in the first place.

And even if you could, try to remember that if times ever got tough, you cannot not live in the stock market.

5. My rent is super low because I have 5 roommates. I could never buy a place and do the same.

You’re not comparing apples to apples. Right now, you might not be able to buy the house you have that lets you live this lifestyle, but keep saving your pennies, and soon you will. Having roommates pay most (or all!) of your rent is smart. Having them pay your mortgage is even smarter.

6. If my house appreciates, I have to pay Capital Gains Taxes!

This one is absolutely ridiculous, but I had to throw it in because it was actually an argument I read in an article on Forbes. Can you believe it!?

Making this kind of argument is the same as saying you don’t want to earn more money because you’ll owe more taxes. Come on, now…

7. Interest Rates are too high. It’s no good to buy.

Sure, and sometimes they’re too low. This is short-term thinking.

If you can snag a well-priced home when rates are low, that’s great, but I wouldn’t base my entire buy vs. rent strategy on interest rates.

Instead, focus on getting an underpriced home. You can re-finance your mortgage if better rates become available, but you only get one shot at getting the right sale price.

Final Word

It’s not that they’re completely wrong, but that their focus is too short-term. If you plan to sell your house and upgrade every 3 years, you’re already on path to failure, and you should definitely keep renting!

But if you think long-term, and you’re willing to keep your house for the optimal holding period—forever—don’t be fooled by all the inaccurate advice.

When you’re ready to buy give Redefined Realty Advisors a call - Our Professional Office Team will get you set up with one of our Experienced Real Estate Agents, and they will help with every step along the way, helping you achieve your Dream of #HomeOwnership! - 262-732-5800

Original Article Credit:

Original Article By: : Tervooren, Tyler. “The Absolute Insanity of Not Buying a Home When You’re Young” Riskology.

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