i wish i was not so allergic to sharing my special interests / hyperfixations with my family. it’s just so embarrassing and i don’t even know why like i can’t pinpoint an experience where my family shamed me for it, i just feel like they don’t really get it and i feel really ashamed for the way i talk about stuff

i have a very difficult time explaining plots and things as well as just. it’s so hard for my to explain anything in my head coherently out loud so i don’t know how to engage them and when i fail to engage them i just stop talking

wow I didn’t think reblogging that tea post and then seeing people’s tags would deal me such strong psychic damage. come over I can fix you I can find a tea you will like. “I don’t like tea” how can you say that as a blanket statement when there are so many vastly different kinds of tea. head in hands

Thinking about selkie au again

Gonna be real. I know I’m super biased in saying this but I genuinely think it’s more conducive to the story’s message and themes if Thistle is still alive after the end of the manga. Like.

There’s all these examples of characters talking about how love and support from those who matter most to you is what can allow you to heal despite experiencing immense trauma. Themes of life and death and rebirth in both a physical and metaphysical sense. I just think it’s so much more satisfying for Thistle to get that, too, more so than the tragedy of him dying. You could say that him not getting that chance is just how things go sometimes, but in a series all about defying fate and walking the more difficult but fulfilling path (after all, recovery and facing the reality of it all certainly wouldn’t be easy) I would argue that him living serves the narrative much better.

My issue with Thor not ‘realizing’ why Loki was acting off in Avengers 1 isn’t that Thor didn’t recognise Loki was acting unlike himself—Thor did note that—or that Thor didn’t figure out what was wrong—he did try asking—it’s more along the lines of Thor giving up, and that he accepted Loki was bad now within two days while knowing something was off when Thor himself behaved just as bad for much longer before without any specific compromising event.

sorry I truly don’t understand how people treat dean not knowing ‘the basics’ for Jack to be admitted to a hospital as some kind of argument for him being a bad father lmao.. Like numero uno he lived his entire life completely independent of any actual medical attention so what the fuck would he know to tell a receptionist and numero dos: the entire episode he is stressing the fuck out about Jack’s condition and anxious to get help for it without all the legal distractions that’s Literally it

Cilan: I’m the oldest of the trio. It’s only proper of me to set a good example!

Skyla: *major gym leader misconduct*

Cilan: *very deep breath* I’m going to hurt someone

Idk if this is a hot take but why is it always “Kai slaved away and worked his ass off to raise his sister” and never the other way round or them working hard together?

Like, I know he’s older but in the show, does he really… act older? Like if you think about Kai and Nya’s dynamic yknow? Because from my understanding:

When Kai and Nya are introduced we see Kai fail at making a sword and Nya being the one to chide him for it. Kai makes an overconfident statement about wanting to be a better blacksmith than his father. This suggests that one, Kai is rather rash as well as inexperienced (something that lines up with the rest of his character arc in the pots and also generally), with Nya being the more mature figure in contrast

Also just a note but in the shorts: “I can handle it!” “No you can’t, stupid”

Kai frequently being very good at neglecting people or things: leaving Lloyd at an arcade whilst being focused on finding samurai x, not even knowing samurai x was Nya or that she only did it because she felt left out by him, completely abandoning both Nya and Lloyd in s3 (and Ik he was going through it at the time, but in line with the fandom’s characterisation of him)

Kai in season 5: “After I lost my dad, I lost my way. But I was lucky to have my sister watch over me”

Generally, their dynamic isn’t one where Kai really provides for Nya at all. In fact, judging by the fact that Nya can make entire mechs and Kai struggled to make a sword, Nya was probably busting her ass to provide for Kai. And judging by the s5 quote, that’s probably true. I’m not saying Nya raised Kai, it just rubs me the wrong way when she’s treated like a decorative flourish to a narrative that paints Kai as a burnt out child who was forced to grow up too soon especially since that is such a mischaracterisation of him in the first place.

Does anyone else feel like almost all of the conflicts that had to do with the various character dynamics in Chain of Thorns didn’t actually get resolved, they just unexplainably ceased to exist after two books of building them up because CC didn’t feel like writing them anymore and she didn’t know how to resolve it naturally after how she’d built the issues up so much?

Like how none of the characters but Cordelia and Thomas had any clue about the Alastair and Charles situation and then suddenly in CoT it was like who doesn’t know? Of course Matthew knew and didn’t say anything before and then randomly brought it up to Cordelia in Paris while assuming she knew too

Or how Alastair and Thomas went from how things were at the end of CoI with Alastair thinking it could never work because Thomas’s friends hate him to oh look everyone suddenly is friends with Alastair with no grudge with no development of that in this book at all, just an abrupt shift

Especially the Alastair and Matthew dynamic where Matthew hated Alastair and wanted him to have nothing to do with any of their friends and he spent CoI ranting about him to Cordelia. And then suddenly in CoT it’s like of course Matthew is supportive of Thomas and Alastair and oh look Matthew and Alastair are suddenly not just tolerating each other for Thomas’s sake but friends despite barely interacting and no development actually showing and never getting any mention of the other in their own POVs, just having Cordelia be like Alastair stop being dumb, you’re literally friends with him now

Or like everyone other than Christopher and Grace where it was like oh we don’t like her for how she’s treated us and her friends straight to anyway she’s one of us. Like yes Grace was useful and yes Tatiana manipulated her whole life, but none of that was why anyone changed their minds or opinions? It was just suddenly the flip of a switch when it was convenient for CC

Or Anna and Ariadne where it didn’t so much develop as Anna just acted mean to Ariadne on and off throughout the series and at the end of CoI she wanted nothing to do with a relationship and then in CoT she was just suddenly like sure I guess I do. Also, slightly different note, but I did not like that Anna barely interacted with anyone else for the entire book and she was just off in the corner being an irrelevant romantic subplot for almost all of the book except when she showed up to barely even be shown in the background being sad about her brother being dead

(Although Anna still got more of a reaction than everyone else and his death was poorly executed all around in the sense of how did you write this so predictably and poorly that no one even knows when he died and it’s so background and 99% of the characters don’t care at all and we don’t see his parents finding out or much of Thomas’s reaction or anything and it’s just as if he wasn’t a character anymore 2 seconds later which is a different genre of issue with CoT but similar problem in the sense that both issues made the book feel a lot more emotionless to read)

And how the issues of Thomas and Alastair being together as two men and Anna and Ariadne being together as two women in this time and the issues of what would happen if the fact that Charles and Alastair were gay got out to the entire Clave just disappeared and never got addressed at all. We know how the ClVe reacted to Alec Lightwood YEARS later. We know society was homophobic at the time TLH is set and that it seems like shadowhunter society was a lot less open-minded than mundanes a century later

I understand that Charles being blackmailed and making shitty decisions was annoying but it was like suddenly everyone finding out wouldn’t have consequences and all the other queer men characters were like how could you possibly be worried about this :/ as if they haven’t spent the whole series knowing they have to be careful about who they tell. And then suddenly it was just of course it’s totally fine and safe to have everyone find out and why wouldn’t you be fine with that. And it was really written in a way that had other queer characters like oh Charles is such a coward for not being ready to publicly tell a bunch of homophobic people his sexuality and it just wasn’t it??? And super weird after Thomas was terrified of telling even Anna and Matthew for years. And also, I did not care for the fact that when Charles did go risk getting outed to finally do the right thing, we didn’t even get to see it through any character’s perspective or how that important meeting went, we just got one line of dialogue from somebody else saying that it happened with no details at all. And I can’t think of other examples right now but there were quite a few moments like that where we got one line saying that something had happened that was important to the plot and to characters’ development that seemed like it would have been more interesting than some of what we did get to see where it was just totally breezed over and way too easy and totally background to less important stuff

And then there was the whole no one reacting to Ariadne and Anna dancing together publicly thing was like yeah that’s nice I guess but not realistic and it doesn’t go with the way things have been presented up to that point, it also just feels like a situation where CC was like well this would be easier for me so there just won’t be consequences and then they can easily end up happily together

And then there was the whole Thomas and Alastair thinking they couldn’t realistically be together thing and knowing they couldn’t get married or be known to be together by anyone they’re not close to and then at the end it’s still not really addressed how they’re going to be together? Like there was the laziest write off of the family tree being wrong and then we still are just left to assume that eventually they move in together and suddenly it’s not a problem and everyone’s fine with it? And then I also feel like we don’t actually know if everyone found out about Alastair and Charles’ sexualities after the blackmail or if people are going to assume about Thomas and Alastair or if that’ll cause issues or if no one knows outside of who they’ve told and they have to be careful or what. Which like wouldn’t necessarily need to be addressed if it wasn’t for the logistics of being together as two men in that time being part of the obstacle that they were struggling with being in their way and then it felt like it was totally forgotten to even be one at the end by CC

Idk like I’d love to think they just lived in a world where homophobia didn’t exist but it felt like homophobia was a plot point when CC wanted it to be an inconvenience and then suddenly disappeared just to make her writing easier the moment she didn’t want it there anymore instead of actually addressing the plots she raised with it if that makes sense?

And sorry, I really did not mean to go on a rant this long. And maybe everyone else had a very different reading experience than I did and other people don’t agree with some or all of this. I personally am just very confused about how the book was almost 800 pages long and it felt like so much of the development in it was us abruptly being told that development had happened rather than actually getting to see it and how so many of the issues were abruptly solved in an I don’t want to write this issue anymore kind of way rather than anything actually needing to be worked at outside of the Belial situation

Edit: You know what, I mentioned it in my tags but I feel like it’s annoying enough to put in the body of the post and make it even longer. What the fuck was with everyone outing or potentially outing everyone else just so that characters could openly talk about the queer characters and tell them to do what they want them to? Why did Matthew out his brother multiple times? Like yes, the people he said it to coincidentally already knew, but he didn’t know that. And why was Thomas outing Alastair? The straights got to keep their secrets as long as they wanted and fix their problems more naturally. Why did I have to sit through queer characters constantly having their sexualities and romantic histories to everyone else when they clearly had not okayed it? Why were the queer characters doing so much of the outing? Why were people who cared about them and knew what it felt like to be afraid of the wrong person finding out just broadcasting their sexualities to make it easier for CC to breeze past development to have their things get resolved fast? Why did no character have an issue with it at all?

so I just watched Challengers and I saw your tags and I obviously must ask how do you engineer Rosquez in there

see it’s less throwing them in the plot cut and dry because it’s a movie that hinges on the interpersonal dynamics of its three main characters, and MORE being like omg rosquez is two tashi duncan’s locked in a paddock together. running at each other full fucking speed. and taking all the sexy quotes the movie has about sports and resentment and ego and athleticism and EROTICISM and being like damn. this could have happened to my buddy marc marquez….

like tashi is a character absolutely and totally defined by her devotion to tennis. it’s the entire scaffolding of how she understands the world, understands herself, and understands other people. she has tennis goggles on at ALL fucking times and quite frankly that reminds me of the rosquez of it all. like there’s this m question bundled up in tashi which is. when tennis is your life and you can’t do tennis anymore. what the hell do you do. what purpose do you serve. and vale slash marc have an equallllll inability to stare down retirement as a concrete concept i think. marc in the sense he’s gonna come back from an injury no one really should have, have four surgeries switch teams and generally put himself through absolute HELL. and vale in the sense that he keeps up his academy his mentorship his WEC hobby and just. his involvement in motorsports and in paddock life. like it’s very. i can’t be here anymore as an athlete because my body won’t let me?? fine i’ll find something else to do here because this is the ONLY option. this is real this is me this is exactly where i’m supposed to be. very tashi 2 me….

Somehow I went from one fic idea for Malleus’ bday to now three fic ideas.😂😂

All of which are in varying degrees of completion.

One idea came to me last night, which I really like a lot! And the initial idea for it changed a little bit because I thought of a rather interesting twist to it that I also like as well.

And I subtly added the changes to fit this idea But ahhhh, I don’t know if I will be able to write it to the level of impact I would like 😭😭

Sometimes I want to shake myself, just write it, but the perfectionist in me just ajdnsjjshss

And then the right vocab or wording won’t come though I know exactly what I want to say and I want to shake myself even more.

And don’t get me started on dialogue struggles, I know what I want them to say, but how do I word or get them to say it?? And that’s another hurdle 🥲

Here’s hoping I get at least one of the three done 😭🙏

Every year I’m disappointed at my family for inviting my parents to holiday events and every year about the end of January I block out that that happened for my own sanity, even this year that I’m planning to skip out on the holiday parties because they’re going to be there it still hurts that in their mind it’s not even really a decision to invite the people they have acknowledged abused me and in turn not have me be there or in previous years be there but having a little panic attack, because they will choose the path of least resistance to them over my comfort and safety

I hate the addition/explanation to the sire bond lore that we got was so horrible. I like it better as something that just happened rarely. I couldve been so intrested to see they power dynamics of a sire bond within a relationship but no they had to say that sire bonds exist because the human was in love with the vampire that turned them. And like even that is something you can poke holes in. Like if they wanted to make soulmates make ‘em. It was in the book. Because if you think abt sire lines too hard it don’t make sense. Like Tyler ain’t know that man from Adam when he became that mans first hybrid and his first sired hybrid. Imma poke a hole in the whole you have to have pre existing feelings for the vampire to become sired because we’ve had multiple examples where that wasn’t true and multiple examples where humans had feelings for the vampire that turned them and didn’t become sired so that ain’t canon to me.

i love when there’s a character where after one childhood flashback you’re like Oh. That’s why you’re Like That………

Because I didn’t have to work this morning, my brother, one of my sisters and myself stayed up till quarter to midnight watching Band of Brothers. We watched two episodes after our mom went to bed.

Oh. Boy. Part 3 was I N T E N S E .

no thoughts, except for everyone slowly picking up deadly little thing as a nickname for Five, probably in varying tones of voice