#and love each other makes them feel just as special as watching any young couple try their cakes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr is used by 21% of adults online aged 18-29 years.

#and love each other makes them feel just as special as watching any young couple try their cakes

teapartyprincess4two · 3 months

Text

Unplanned- C. Sturniolo

pairing: TeenMom!reader x TeenDad!Chris

classification: fluff, high school sweethearts

warnings: teen pregnancy, suggestive content but no smut, unplanned pregnancy, unexpected child, mentions of unprotected sex but no smut, mention of throwing up & nausea, some cursing, use of y/n, long

summary: Becoming a teen mom was never in your plans, but you and Chris had to learn to make the best of it.

—

Yours and Chris’s love story was long and intricate, full of details and secrets only you two would understand. It started from an early age and only progressed as you two grew older.

You met Chris when you were just kids. The two of you were attached at the hip, always wanting to do everything together. You’d ride your bikes around the neighborhood and stay up all night playing video games. If you weren’t there, Chris wasn’t interested. If Chris didn’t do it, neither did you. You were best friends from the very beginning.

When you entered middle school, the two of you became even more inseparable. You went through an awkward stage of your lives together that included acne, growth spurts, and puberty. Middle school is a brutal time for any child, but you and Chris got through it together. Bullies and mean girls lurked in every classroom, but as long as you had Chris it was okay. You were ready to defend him if necessary and he was ready to do the same.

Eventually you entered high school and the two of you matured into young adults. Around this time all your friends began dating, but you were too attached to Chris for any boys to ask you out. Towards the end of your freshman year you realized that what you felt for Chris went beyond friendship. Those feelings only grew stronger as the school year progressed, but you were too young to understand them, so you suppressed them as much as possible.

Some time during the summer between freshman and sophomore year, Chris realized he felt the same about you. Chris confided in his brothers about his newfound crush for you and whenever you’d come around they’d tease him relentlessly about it. It never became awkward between you, though, instead you grew the courage to confess your feelings to Chris. And, to your surprise, he admitted he felt the same.

The two of you spent that summer exploring this new relationship and became even more bonded than you already were. You entered sophomore year as a couple and dated all throughout high school, falling more in love with each passing day. You shared so many firsts with Chris; your first date, your first kiss, and your first time. Everything was special because you were sharing it with Chris, he was your soulmate. Your relationship was beautiful, it was perfect.

Senior year rolled around quicker than expected, and before you knew it, it was prom night. Chris organized an elaborate promposal for you in the middle of the school’s court yard, complete with a banner, a bouquet of roses, and confetti. Everything about that moment was perfect, earning adoring looks from every other student who watched you grow as a couple over the years.

Prom night was a solidifying moment in your relationship with Chris because as it was the first time you had sex without a condom. It felt like the perfect night to completely give yourself to one another, and if you were careful, there wouldn’t be any consequences. After this night, the two of you grew stronger in your relationship. Nothing was able to break you apart even though so many people tried. If it wasn’t a mean girl it was a jock who tried catching one of your attention, but it never worked. You and Chris were locked in, you were fully committed and in it for the long haul.

After prom the only high school milestone left to complete was graduation. Although your younger years were flying by in a whirl, you were excited to enter a new chapter with Chris. The two of you had so many dreams and plans for your future together. You spent countless nights discussing it all, but you were both so naive then. Chris would gush about the luxuries he’d provide for you as adults including a house with a pool, too many cars, and anything else you wanted.

You two were about to learn the harsh reality of life the hard way.

—

It’s graduation day and you’re buzzing with excitement and nerves, this really was the end of an era for you. “You ready?” Chris asks, a huge smile plastered on his face. He couldn’t wait to graduate and start a new chapter with you that didn’t include homework and tardy bells. “Yeah, I think so,” you reply as you adjust your cap and gown. You felt extremely nauseous, but you chalked it up to nerves. You were about to cross the stage and officially enter adulthood, who wouldn’t be nervous?

Chris gives you a quick peck before grabbing your hand and leading you into the school auditorium. You take a deep breath in attempt to calm your nerves, it’s just graduation you’ll be fine. As the ceremony progresses you can’t help but feel even worse, but you try your best to ignore it so you can cross the stage and get this over with.

When you finally cross the stage you have to bite your tongue to stop yourself from throwing up, you don’t even make it back to your seat, instead running off to the bathroom with your diploma. Chris watches from his seat in confusion and worry, where were you going? He silently excuses himself and follows behind you, trying to keep up with you as you run down the halls. You barge into the bathroom, rushing into the first available stall and hunching over the toilet, immediately spewing out this mornings breakfast.

When there’s nothing else for you to throw up, you slump down onto the dirty bathroom floor and rest again the cold tile walls of the stall. You feel exhausted, a looming headache growing from the pressure caused by vomiting. Either something was seriously wrong or you ate something yesterday that didn’t sit well with you, but you knew this was NOT just nerves. You’ve never been this nervous before, it was just graduation it’s not like you had to present an award or recite a speech.

“Y/n?” Chris asks cautiously from outside the restroom, he opens the door slightly to see if you’re even in there. “In here,” you respond quietly, pushing yourself off the floor and to the sink. He walks in timidly, not sure if there was anyone else in here with you, but when he realizes it’s just you he immediately asks what’s wrong.

“I’m fine, just a little anxious,” you lie.

Chris squints his eyes at you as he watches you wash your hands feverishly and rinse out your mouth. He knew you were lying, but he wasn’t going to press it. “Well the ceremony is over. We were going to go eat, but I can ask Matt to take us home?” he’s rubbing your back lovingly, he knows something’s wrong but you don’t want to tell him. You smile at him through the mirror, drying your hands quickly so you can get out of this restroom as soon as possible.

“Yes please,” you reply quietly, grabbing your diploma and adjusting your cap. You do a once over in the mirror, trying to ensure that there’s nothing gross left over on your gown.

Once you’re sure you’re fine, you and Chris walk back out into the auditorium to find Matt and Nick.

—

Summer is the best time of all, especially now that your fun won’t be cut short once August rolls around and school starts up again. This felt like an endless summer and you were ready to spend every second of it with your boyfriend.

It was the second week of June and you were out swimming with Chris, his brothers, and a couple of your friends. Well they were swimming, you were sitting in a lawn chair by the pool, too tired to swim.

You’ve been feeling tired and sick ever since graduation, but you didn’t tell anyone because deep down you know it’s something serious. You’ve noticed how tired you look, your small but sudden weight gain, and your consistent morning sickness. All the symptoms pointed to one thing: pregnancy. But you suppressed the thought out of your head and tried your best to enjoy the summer.

“Babe, come in!” Chris calls out to you as he flails his arms around in the water, splashing some of it on you in the process. “I will in a bit. I’m trying to tan,” you reply, hoping he’ll believe your lie and go back to your friends. He can see right through you, though, so of course he doesn’t believe you. Chris hoists himself up from the water by the edge of the pool, jogging towards you as water drips off of him.

“What’s wrong? You love swimming,” he comments as soon as he’s close enough to you, taking a seat at the foot of the lawn chair. A sudden whiff of chlorine water and sunscreen from Chris hits you, causing you to instantly become nauseous, but you hold it back as you reply, “I’m fine, babe. I’m just a little tired.” He hums in response, allowing his wet hands to wander on your bare skin.

His hands begin rubbing along your thighs, “You look so sexy, babe.” You chuckle a little at this, pushing his hands off you playfully before replying, “Don’t be weird. We’re in public.” A goofy smile adorns his face as he leans in to press a kiss to your lips, his hands traveling dangerously close to the strings of your bikini. “I’m not being weird, I just love my girlfriend,” his voice is sultry as he attempts to seduce you, kissing you again.

“Let’s go to the restroom.”

Another whiff of chlorine water and sunscreen hits you, and this time you can’t hold back the gag. You cover your mouth immediately, standing abruptly from the lawn chair and rushing to the restroom. Chris watches in confusion, wondering what the hell he did to warrant that response as he follows behind you. You’re once again hunched over a toilet in a dirty stall throwing up everything in your stomach.

“What the fuck? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” a million questions come from Chris as he crouches next to you and holds your hair out of your face. This is the second time you’ve suddenly gotten sick out of nowhere, except this time he’s going to make sure you tell him what’s wrong whether you like it or not.

At this point you’re tired, nauseous, embarrassed, and you have a headache; you can’t help but start crying. “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Chris assures you, hugging you close and rubbing circles into your back. He was always good at consoling you, but today you were so distressed that the tears just kept flowing.

“What’s wrong, pretty girl? You can tell me.”

The thing is that you didn’t know what was wrong, you only had suspicions, and those suspicions were too scary to admit out loud. “I don’t know,” you reply through sobs, shaking your head at the idea of possibly being pregnant. Chris can tell that whatever this is, it’s serious, but he doesn’t know how to navigate this situation yet. All he can do is help you clean up.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he whispers lovingly as he presses a kiss to your forehead and guides you towards the sink.

—

When you’ve finally calmed down you tell Chris the truth of what you think is going on. He’s taken aback, there’s no way you’re pregnant, right? You two were always safe, always concious of the consequences that come from being unprotected.

“Are you sure? We’re always safe. We’ve never had a scare before,” he tries to reason, thinking of every time the two have had sex in the last month or two. He’s almost 100% sure you weren’t pregnant.

“Prom,” you whisper, looking down at the floor as you hold back your tears. If you were pregnant you wouldn’t know what to do. You and Chris were only 18, still really young to be having a baby. There were so many dreams and plans you had, both as individuals and as a couple, that you’d never be able to do with a baby. How were you going to navigate your relationship if you took a test and it came back positive? You weren’t ready to be a mom. What was Chris going to do? He was fresh out of high school, he was even less ready to be a dad.

The realization hits him as he remembers prom night. “Holy fuck,” he replies with wide eyes, the situation suddenly becoming too real. “Have you taken a test?” he’s holding you gently by your elbows, searching your eyes for something. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for, maybe reassurance that you two will be okay if this is real, but he’s trying not to panic. “Not yet,” your reply is a small glimpse of hope that maybe this is just a scare.

You and Chris dismiss yourself from your friends, dragging Nick and Matt along with you as you make your way to the nearest drug store. You had to find out immediately whether or not this suspicion was true.

Chris instructed Matt and Nick to wait in the car as you made your way into the drug store, they were confused out of their minds as to what was going on, but complied. You searched the aisles feverishly and purchased two pregnancy tests for safe measure.

Before you go into the restroom, Chris stops you and pulls you into a hug, “No matter what happens, it’s gonna be okay.” Even though you’re still scared, the comment warms your heart.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” He kisses your forehead again before letting you go into the restroom. This moment was going to determine your future, and he wanted you to know that he was with you no matter what.

After what seemed like forever, you finally come back out of the restroom with both pregnancy tests in hand. “So?” Chris asks expectantly, chewing on his finger nails nervously. “I haven’t checked yet. I’m scared, Chris,” you reply, looking down at the pregnancy tests that are face down in your hands. “Let’s look together,” he takes one test from you.

You take a second to collect your thoughts before meeting Chris’s gaze, both of you flipping the test at the same time, but still not looking down. “I’m scared,” you say again, the nerves causing an unsettling feeling to loom over you. Chris is scared too, too scared to face the truth, so he lets you bite the bullet.

You break your gaze from his, looking down at the pregnancy test in your hand. Your stomach drops, a shocked gasp escaping your lips. This can’t be a good sign, so Chris immediately follows suit and looks at the pregnancy tests.

“Holy fuck,” he says. You were pregnant.

Matt and Nick are impatiently waiting in the car. They watch as you and Chris walk towards the car with unreadable expressions on your face, looking pale as ever. “What the fuck took so long?” Nick complains as soon as you two enter the vehicle. You sit there in silence, looking forward and dissociating completely.

“Y/n’s pregnant,” Chris says, still in shock.

Matt and Nick face you in their seats with their mouths agape, “Holy fuck.”

—

The next couple of months were hard. You and Chris had to suck it up and tell your parents, none of them were happy, but they can’t say they didn’t see it coming. You were forced to grow up as you and Chris began preparing to become parents, but you always made the best of it.

You swelled up very quickly, your protruding belly a constant reminder of the baby you and Chris were bringing into the world. Neither of you were ready for a baby, but you learned to come to terms with it over the span of your pregnancy. Chris was now actually very excited to become a dad, of course he was scared, but he was happy to be doing this with you. There was no one else he’d rather have as the mother of his children but you.

“This is perfect for the baby,” Nick comments as he holds up a cute floral onesie. You were currently shopping for simple baby necessities with Chris, Matt, and Nick. The gender of the baby was still unknown, but Nick was secretly hoping for a niece. “We’re just here for the necessities, Nick. Stuff like strollers, a hamper, maybe a cute diaper bag… Plus, we don’t even know the gender of the baby yet,” you reply with an eye roll as you waddle through the aisles.

“Okay? It’s still perfect for the baby,” he sasses as he throws the onesie into the shopping cart without another word. You ignore him, waddling into another section in search of the perfect stroller.

Chris and Matt, who had wandered off long ago, enter the same section. They were holding a plethora of baby clothes and all of them were decorated with dinosaurs, tractors, sports references, and anything else boy related. “Baby, look! For the baby!” Chris exclaims excitedly as he shows you all the cute clothes he and Matt just picked out. Chris had a hunch that you were having a boy and Matt was hoping for a nephew.

“This one says ‘Me + Mommy = One Broke Daddy,’ “ Matt laughs as he shows you a onesie he found with a stupid quote on it, he was a sucker for stupid quotes. “Get that out of the cart, my niece will wear none of that!” Nick protests as he swats Chris and Matt away. “Niece?! My NEPHEW is gonna love these,” Matt replies, dumping all the clothes into the cart dramatically.

Meanwhile, Chris is checking up on you, rubbing your stomach and kissing all over your face. “How you feeling, mama?” He started calling you mama about a month ago and the nickname was definitely suiting now. “My feet hurt,” you reply, wrapping your arms around his waist. You were so grateful for him, he truly hasn’t left your side ever since you found out you were pregnant.

“Can you guys stop? She’s already pregnant,” Nick comments with a dramatic eye roll. “Agreed. What are y’all tryna do? Make twins?” Matt joins in on the teasing, loving how uncomfortable you become every time.

“Nah, triplets,” Chris replies jokingly with a chuckle, seemingly unbothered. Your face is red hot in embarrassment.

—

The ultrasound tech lathers your stomach in cold gel as she prepares you for your ultrasound. Today you were going to find out the gender of your baby. Chris insisted on accompanying you of course, he’s eager to find out whether he’s having a son or a daughter. You’re excited to find out, but all you truly want is for your baby to be healthy. Deep down you’re secretly hoping for a girl, though. The idea of dressing your baby up in cute clothes, adorning her hair with bows and painting the nursery pink was exciting.

“You guys ready?” the ultrasound tech asks, as she hovers the transducer of your stomach. Chris squeezes your hand reassuringly. “We’re ready,” you reply, squeezing his hand back.

Chris can’t stop smiling throughout the entire appointment, he loves being able to see his baby on the screen. “There’s Baby’s heartbeat,” the tech says as the room is filled with the rhythmic beat of your baby’s heartbeat. You were happy to find out that your baby had a strong, steady heart beat and was completely healthy. You smile at the news and squeeze Chris’s hand again.

“Okay. Are you ready to find out if Baby is a boy or a girl?” the tech massages the transducer into your stomach as she verifies the babies gender. “Yes, please,” Chris replies eagerly, he can’t wait.

“Looks like you’re having a… boy.” She says it casually, but it’s enough to cause Chris to engulf you in a hug. He’s so happy, even if it was a girl he’d be happy, but this is honestly the best news ever. “I love you so much,” he says, his hands squishing your cheeks together her as he kisses you. “I love you too,” you reply with a chuckle, equally as excited as him.

“And I love you,” he whispers to your stomach as he talks to your son, planting a gentle kiss on it.

—

Once you hit the 9 month mark you couldn’t wait to give birth. Your feet always hurt, your back was worse, and you were so big you needed help to get up. You were tired of carrying around your son’s weight so you were actively trying to induce your labor. Some days you’d bounce on a bouncy ball. Other days you’d just pace around your room. All you knew was that this baby needed to get out of you immediately.

“You hungry, mama?” Chris asks, from beside you on the couch. The two of you were currently watching your favorite movie, it always made you cry, even before your pregnancy. You were always hungry nowadays, so that was a stupid question on his part. You send him a small glare which answers his question perfectly. He laughs slightly before asking what you’re in the mood for. Truthfully, you were in the mood for any and everything, that’s how hungry being pregnant made you.

Chris had compiled a mental list of every weird pregnancy craving you had throughout your pregnancy, so he decided to get the one that seemed to become your favorite; pineapple pizza. He ordered the pizza for you before returning to the movie on screen, listening to your sniffles. You always managed to cry at the exact same part of the movie, and ever since becoming pregnant your emotions only intensified.

The pizza arrived 30 minutes later, the savory aroma instantly causing your mouth to water. You would never eat this if you weren’t pregnant, but the cravings were so insatiable at this point that you’d eat it no matter how weird it looked or sounded. “This pizza is actually what made me pregnant,” you moan, taking a big bite of your first slice. Chris laughs, picking the pineapples off and doing the same. He loves you and your son so much that he’s willing to eat pineapple pizza.

After a while you become tired again and head to your room to sleep, but on your way there you feel a sharp pain shoot through your abdomen. You hold onto the wall for support as your breath quickens, you try and steady yourself. It’s just a small contraction, you’ve been having these all week, you’ll be fine. When you think you’re fine, you let go of the wall and begin walking to your room again, but are met with another, much stronger contraction.

This felt like the real thing, the baby was definitely coming. “Chris!” you call out, another contraction shooting through your body. You’re breathing heavily now, trying to focus on fully exhaling and inhaling. “Chris!” you exclaim louder this time, walking back into the living room slowly. He didn’t hear you the first time, but this time he’s jumping over the couch and running towards you urgently.

“Baby’s coming,” you breath out, yelping out in pain as you hold onto him for support. As if on cue, your water breaks. “Holy fuck. Holy fuck,” he says, looking down at the puddle of water on the floor. Chris guides you to the front door, leading you to the car. Once you’re in the car he runs back into the house for your hospital bag. He manages to grab your phones and the car keys on the way out, haphazardly locking the front door before rushing into the drivers seat.

Chris had no idea how to drive, but he was about to become a dad and there was no time to call Matt for a ride right now. “Chris, hurry!” You whimper, the pain becoming too much too fast. “I’m going baby, I’m going,” he reassures, holding your hand as he begins driving to the hospital.

On the way there he calls his brothers, his parents, and your parents to inform them that you’re in labor. Everyone is so excited and they begin asking too many question, but Chris hangs up on them after telling them which hospital you’d be at. He doesn’t have time for all that right now, he’s trying to juggle your pain, driving a car for the first time, and the anxiety he’s feeling about becoming a dad.

“Almost there, baby. You’re doing so good,” he says lovingly, rubbing your stomach as he keeps his eyes on the road. He’s speeding down the high way, somehow managing to expertly weave his way through traffic. The car is filled with your groans and heavy breathing, you could practically feel the baby crowning.

When you arrive to the hospital the staff immediately rushes you into the delivery room, preparing Chris quickly so he can join you. This was such a crazy, chaotic, beautiful moment for you two. Chris is scared, excited, nervous, anxious, everything.

The doctors are instructing you to push, the sweat gathering on your forehead as you use all your strength to push this baby out. Your hand is squeezing onto Chris’s so hard he’s sure his fingers are broken, but it can’t be anything compared to what you’re feeling. He’s coaching you through the entire thing, encouraging and reassuring you that you’re doing good. Although you want to tell him to shut up, you wouldn’t be able to do any of this on your own, so you focus your attention on your breathing and pushing your baby out.

“One last push.”

You use all the energy left in your body to push one last time, your baby finally being born. Your son’s wails fill the room, causing a wave of relief to wash over you. “You did so good, mama,” Chris whispers, kissing your forehead lovingly. He’s never been more in love with you than in this moment.

The doctor smiles as she places the baby in your arms. A motherly instincts immediately overtakes you and all you want to do is protect your son for the remainder of your life. Nothing matters but him, Chris, and the little family you just became. The baby is calm now, your heartbeat soothing him as soon as he’s in your arms.

“He’s so beautiful,” you whisper, as you and Chris admire him in awe. He was perfect. “He looks like you,” you comment again, taking in every detail of your child. Chris wants to frame this moment of his new little family forever. Despite just having given birth, you look beautiful.

“I love you,” Chris says, kissing you for the first time as actual parents. “I love you,” you reply, looking back down at your son. This was an unplanned, beautiful moment that you wouldn’t trade for the world.

—

MASTERLIST

A/n: working on some requests 😋 enjoy honey bunches

- L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

725 notes · View notes

blurredcolour · 2 months

Text

Parting Gifts

[One-shot]

John Brady x Female!Reader

John Brady cannot stand watching your oblivious Department Head make continued advances towards you while he is stuck on the bandstand performing at a concert. He expresses this displeasure to you with actions rather than words as soon as he is free to do so.

Warnings: Era-typical Sexism/Misogyny Alcohol Consumption, Unwanted Advances, Smoking/Tobacco, Inevitable Historical and Military Inaccuracies, Mature/Explicit Themes [softdom!Brady, possessive!Brady, fingering] - 18+ ONLY.

Author's Note: Really not a whole lot of plot here folks, mostly just the need for Brady to do unspeakable things...and play his saxophone. Special shoutout to @precious-little-scoundrel for the Brady brain rot and listening to me scream about him a lot lately.

Word Count: 2337

-------------------------

Sioux City, Iowa - January, 1943

Leroy Anderson was going to get himself killed. Well, he would if it were possible for looks alone to kill a man, for the pure fury in John’s eyes as the frustratingly oblivious man approached you for the fifth time was unmistakable even though his cheeks inflated rather adorably as he continued to dutifully play his saxophone. You were honestly only in attendance to watch the performance of the 100th’s band, entertaining the local populace of Sioux City, Iowa in gratitude for tolerating their invasion earlier that month, and not interested in dancing with anyone other than their handsome saxophone-playing pilot Lieutenant John Brady.

You had been quite taken with John Brady since the moment you had laid your eyes on him late on January 2nd, lost in the streets of Sioux City with the address of a local tobacco shop clutched in his hand and a bewildered expression on his face. On your way from your job at the T.S. Martin Department Store to the apartment you shared with your close friend Fern Westcott, you had stopped to try and give him directions. When his eyebrows had crinkled helplessly in confusion, it had not taken long for you to decide to guide him there yourself, waiting patiently for him to make his purchase of rather fine pipe tobacco as he then insisted on escorting you home in turn. Never mind that he did not know the way and only ended up more lost on account of it.

What had followed had been a rather intense few weeks of courtship whenever he managed to escape the base, quickly learning his way around the city…and your skirts. The entire group was growing convinced they would be cleared for overseas duty any day now and your time with him was feeling precariously short, making the continued interruptions of your department head, whose advances you had been dodging for months now, all the more tedious.

Upon arrival at the dancehall, decked out with streamers in the blue and gold of the 8th Air Force and a huge banner that read ‘We’ll Miss You 100th’ you had selected a spot along the wall with a clear view of John. Fern had offered to check your winter coat and returned, briefly, with the tag before allowing herself to be swept off by one of the many handsome young men in attendance. She was a stunning blonde with green eyes and a bright laugh, fairly having to beat them off if she wanted a break – though it never seemed she did, happy to dance for hours. Meanwhile you could barely get through one song without being proposition by the nasal voice of Leroy, his shiny face inserting itself into your view. You did your utmost to remain polite and not turn him down too harshly.

“Oh maybe the next one.”

“Just enjoying my drink, thanks.”

“I’m still a little tired from work, Leroy, but thank you.”

“I’m sure Fern would love a dance with you, Leroy.”

“Almost ready, Leroy.”

You tried changing sides of the dancefloor, hiding behind other couples, nursing a drink. None of these tactics worked for very long. With each of his intrusions, you noted John’s lips growing tighter around the mouthpiece of his instrument, his grip turning his fingertips white, but he remained on the bandstand, dutifully playing out the set which, to your recollection, only had a few more songs. After the fifth rebuffed invitation, Fern mercifully intervened and pulled you out onto the dancefloor to join numerous other pairs of friends who were dancing with one another.

“You’re a lifesaver Fern…” You muttered gratefully and the pair of you tried not to laugh too loudly as you struggled to figure out who would lead.

“If that man wasn’t responsible for signing our timecards…”

You gave her a knowing huff, wishing more than anything you could firmly dismiss his advances, but to do so risked your position in the housewares department. “I put in for team lead with the mail order department since Artie left, we’ll see what happens.”

“Well we’d miss you dearly but for your sake I truly–”

Fern’s reply was cut off by the sharp tap on her shoulder by the fairly grinning Leroy, his gleeful expression making you shudder involuntarily. You had not even made it one song before he had found you amidst the sea of swaying humanity.

“May I cut in?”

To turn him down on the edge of the dancefloor was one thing, but people were already casting glances your way for the obstacle your trio was creating. If you were to refuse now it would truly qualify as making a scene, and that must be avoided at all costs.

“Certainly.” You summoned a polite smile and nodded reassuringly to Fern who immediately found another partner to whisk her away.

Keeping your arms stiff, you managed to maintain a generous amount of distance between your bodies, despite the insistent pressure of his hand on your lower back. The other hand that clung to yours was remarkably clammy and there was something sour on his breath. It took a great deal of strength to maintain a polite expression on your face as he clumsily led you through the last two songs of the set, his brassy blond hair plastered to his skull with an excessive amount of pomade as he leered at you triumphantly. You often wondered why a man like him, only a few years older than you and seemingly 1A, had yet to enlist or be drafted. If only.

You could not wrench yourself from Leroy’s arms fast enough as the band finished their final number with a flourish, flashing him a tight smile and wishing him a ‘goodnight’ before quickly making your way toward the front of the stage as the audience applauded the soldiers-turned-entertainers. It was not long before a uniform-clad arm was sliding around your waist.

“You did great, John” You rushed out brightly as you turned to look at him warmly, but he was already guiding you around the side of the stage, face still tight.

“Come help me with something, sweetheart.” His voice was taut, and his statement was not really a request, even though the words would normally have comprised one.

Chaos erupted in your abdomen, an erratic swooping in your stomach contrasting sharply with a newly familiar heaviness lower down, and all from just the tone of his voice. The promise it carried. You knew he was not annoyed with you, but the mood he was in was certainly one that usually held certain physical outcomes for you. Or at least it had the last time he had acted this way. Following without comment, John led you into the green room where all sorts of cases lay open, ready to store the band’s instruments once they returned.

So far it seemed he was the first to return here and the pair of you paused briefly for him to secure his saxophone before he resumed his progress toward a door at the back of the room which was revealed to be a small washroom. You were not afforded much time to take it in, however, as his mouth was promptly on yours while his free hand focused on closing and locking the door behind you once he had pulled you inside.

Gasping sharply, you gripped the lapels of his uniform jacket, tilting your head back to yield to his demanding kiss as he backed you against the edge of the counter, arm around your waist coiling tighter. Gripping your chin with his long fingers, he pulled back to look over your slightly dazed face with darkened eyes, pupils eclipsing his blue irises as he began to pluck at the front buttons of your dress. As he bared the skin of your collarbones and the tops of your breasts, his head bowed to possessively nip and hungrily suck along your flesh, leaving you to grasp at his shoulders, desperately seeking anchor whilst attempting to smother your noises of pleasure in the back of your throat.

Clenching your thighs together as your folds grew increasingly damp and desperate for attention, you bit your lip in a mixture of regret and anticipation as John’s eyes flicked up to meet yours, a teasing huff escaping from his nostrils across your damp skin as he had clearly caught the movement.

The hems of your dress and slip fluttered as his hands slid to skate up the backs of your thighs, his fingertips making you jump slightly as they met your skin, breath hitching in your throat as gooseflesh erupted in the wake of his touch. Reaching the waistband of your underwear, John peeled them from your body, sliding the fabric down your legs before gripping your hips to guide you to sit up on the countertop. Bending down to slip your underwear over one shoe and then the other, you opened your mouth to inquire what he intended to do with them only to be met with his tongue sliding along yours, erasing any and all thought from your mind.

Fingers sliding into the longer strands of his hair, the feeling of his palm cupping your weeping core had a needy whimper spilling into his mouth as you arched eagerly. Huffing in amusement for a second time, John pulled back to drink in your facial expression as he worked his fingers through your folds, collecting your growing slick on his fingertips before seeking the source of your pleasure. Circling your sensitive bud, yet maddeningly denying direct contact, you rocked your lower lip back and forth beneath your teeth in time to his movements, brows knit up plaintively, tiny whimpers slipping through despite your best efforts to keep quiet.

When, at last, he slid his finger across your clit, your hips surged toward his hand with such need that he pressed his lips to your nose fondly. “Feel good, sweetheart?”

“Uh huh!” You breathed enthusiastically, with a firm nod, earning repeated strokes exactly where you wanted them, making your toes curl in your shoes.

“Remember how good I make you feel when I’m gone.” He murmured and you panted, punctuating your eager nods with several soft keens of delight.

“I will, god, I will miss you so much.” You whispered, voice growing alarmingly loud as he began to slide his middle finger into your wet heat.

“I know, I know.” John soothed, pressing a quick kiss to your lips as he added his ring finger, beginning to work the long digits in and out of you in a way that had your eyelids fluttering shut. “Ah, eyes on me sweetheart.” He gently yet firmly gripped your jaw, angling your eyes to meet his as you quickly forced them open, and he smiled. “There’s my pretty girl.”

Abandoning his attentions on your clit, he began a demanding pace as he curled the ends of his fingers and worked them against a spongey spot deep inside you. Your jaw dropped open in a silent moan, hips fairly levitating from the counter as your fingers dug into his scalp. His thumb shifted from the side of your jaw to slide along your lower lip before coming to rest on your tongue. Reflexively, your lips wrapped around the digit, and you began to suck, shuddering at the way his nostrils flared in response, struggling mightily to keep your eyelids open and gaze meeting his.

Your eyes were growing glossy with need, his internal stimulation, while heavenly, just not quite enough to drive you over the edge to release. At last, John seemed to take pity, his thumb manipulating your clit in short, sharp circles that had your eyes rolling back into your skull no matter how hard you fought it as your orgasm pulled your entire body rigid before dropping you lax onto the countertop.

John pulled his thumb from your mouth with a faint ‘pop’ before leaning in to feather your face with tender kisses, gently pulling you up into his arms and rubbing your back as you rested against his chest. There was that alluring hardness in his trousers again, one that he had not let you act upon or explore to date, insisting that he only wanted to focus on pleasing you.

“So good for me, sweetheart. You did incredible.” He murmured once he finished licking his fingers clean.

“Mmmm…thank you, Johnny.” You murmured and turned your face to brush your lips across his jaw, resting against him until your body felt able to support itself once more, sitting up slowly.

“Really am going to miss you…” He muttered, brushing his knuckles across your cheek and you frowned, nodding in return.

“Not as much as I’m going to miss you. Oh! I got you a present it’s…in my coat.” Look down at the state of your dress and could only imagine the state of the rest of you. You really did want to give him the two tins of his favorite tobacco tied together with a ribbon though, particularly as there was an envelope slipped between them containing your photograph.

John smirked a little and stole a kiss. “I’ll fetch it for you, you wait here.”

You laughed ruefully and dug the ticket out of your dress pocket, sharing one last, lingering kiss before he stepped out into the green room. There were more voices out there, the rest of the band surely returned from the stage, and you slid onto slightly wobbly legs to lock the door behind him. Buttoning your dress back up, you turned to the mirror and gasped before frantically trying to sort out your hair and the lipstick smeared all around your lips.

Straightening your slip, you froze as you realized you had no idea where your underwear was. A glance around the miniscule space with just a toilet and the vanity revealed they were nowhere to be found. Perhaps John did not need another gift from you. It seemed he had already taken one.

-------------------------

Nerdy Post-Script: While everyone thought the 100th would be cleared for overseas duty at the end of their training in Sioux City they were still considered unfit. The group was split up over multiple bases across the US for further training before their disastrous training flight to California in April 1943. It wasn't until an additional twenty days of intense remedial training in May 1943 that they were finally declared fit for overseas duty.

Masters of the Air Masterlist

#john brady x reader #john brady imagine #john brady #john brady fic #mota fic #masters of the air fanfic

105 notes · View notes

seungstarss · 2 years

Text

CUPID’S LAW | NEVER FALL IN LOVE

PAIRING › Play boy! Heeseung x fem! reader

SYNOPSIS › After a bland highschool experience, you immediately gravitate to your university’s most outrageous matchmaking club, “The Cupid Club.” Your job was simple: to collect information on your client’s love interest and then pair them together. After two years on your “job,” everything became less horrific and getting couples together almost seemed like a natural occurrence. That is until you’re tasked to collect information on Lee Heeseung, the infamous rugby captain who is coincidently known as the biggest player on campus.

GENRE› college au, angst (I said it was major angst in the preview, but after writing it, I realized that it’s not actually that sad), consultant! reader x rugby captain! Heeseung, heartbreak, crack, fluff

WARNING(S) › swearing, heavy drinking, mentions of sex

WORDCOUNT › 18.4k (I apologize beforehand)

NOTES › This is my entry for @jungwoniics ’ “just out of reach” collab

Love was an unexplained phenomenon that entwined souls together. It was an experience of rather difficult trifles which blossomed into ultimate bliss. To be with someone you found truly admirable and to lead a life with them for as many years as they lasted was society’s idea of a dream come true. Love seemed to be something like a goal to people, while to others, it was rather a burden. To you, it was a lackluster ordeal filled with complications and hurdles — an experience you didn’t want to indulge in.

You hated when September strolled along. Every autumn leaf gracefully leaving the comfort of the branches to experience the harsh winter chills yet again this cycle. It was similar to all the young adults who traveled distances away from the warmth of their homes to lead a rather dreadful college life.

The giddy freshmen were always entertaining to watch. The yearning they all had to start fresh, lead a new life, to grow, and become a part of society.

That is what college was

A greater look into society.

You had grown weary of the customs of welcoming newcomers to the school. Their excitement clearly not phasing you in the slightest. The way they would greet you and ask you for directions. You had found them cute before, but now, you couldn’t spare another waking moment guiding a freshman through the halls, introducing them to every passing professor you came across. You had grown tired. People made you tired.

In freshman year, you joined the school’s consulting club, “the Cupids Club.” You found the name rather stupid, but the more you grew to understand the club, the more fitting it seemed to be. It wasn’t any consulting club — it consisted of bringing two people together, two people who failed to communicate their feelings to one another. The heavy burden of match-making was one of the stress-inducing activities in addition to your own school work. Yet, you found it intriguing to bring people together and watch them form a special bond with each other.

Your job was simple, to analyze the receiver of love. To learn about their dislikes and likes, hobbies, and any other useless pieces of information. Your job was to convey these pieces of information to the person consulting you for assistance. It was a simple job.

So what made it so difficult?

You grew to realize that freshmen were the worst clients. All of them fresh into college and wanting to obtain and secure their significant other without their parent’s constant blabbing. Freshmen had the highest expectation. Once a first-year finds out about the school’s Cupid club, the rest of the freshmen automatically know too. And with so much attention and desire, they were never kind with their requests. Their demands strayed too high, and most of them went for unobtainable matches.

For example, Lee Heeseung.

The lad wasn’t exactly unobtainable. He was rather easy to woo, but he wasn’t easy to keep.

You had received a total of twenty requests, asking for you to set them up with Mr. Lee Heeseung before Valentine's day. Except there was an issue.

You knew nothing about the boy.

Sure, you had heard of him before. Most of the requests regarding him were given to students in his year to manage. You were a year below Heeseung, and the only thing you could conclude about the boy was that he was a gigantic player.

“Could you please set him up with me before Valentine's day, please?” The younger girl with strawberry blonde hair squirmed in her chair, looking up at you with her doll-like eyes. “I heard you’re one of the best consultants here and I really like him. So you’ll be able to do it right?”

How many times have you heard the same phrases of flattery that slipped out of their lying mouths? Praises, bribes, and baseless words — they used anything to earn a simple yes from you. You rejected everything of course, because all you cared for was someone genuine.

And that person came.

She was a year older than you, the same age as Heeseung. The girl had short beige hair and braids that pulled her hair into a half ponytail. She wasn’t very tall, but the girl was gorgeous. The way her eyes curved into crescent moons when she smiled made you almost envious. She spoke in a soft whispering tone and requested politely, unlike the previous girls who demanded your service.

“Um, hi,” the girl nervously tucked her side bangs behind her ear, looking at the floor. Her entire face was tomato red. “Could I request a favour?”

She was cute. The way she looked away, avoiding eye contact. She was the type of girl every boy wanted as a significant other. The girl didn’t even explain her whole situation, and you already felt the need to help her — to pair her up with whoever she had been yearning for.

“Yeah, of course!” You rested your chin on your palm, waiting for her to muster up the courage to tell you about her crush. “Just tell me your situation and who this person is.”

“Oh right! Well, I’ve liked him ever since freshman year. I met him in one of my classes and he, uh… he lent me a pencil. I mean, I don’t like him because of that! He’s really charming and good-looking. But the issue is, he’s popular and I doubt he even knows who I am. I heard… I heard he’s a player too.” She mumbled, fidgeting with the latch of her tote bag.

Okay, what was with these absolute catches liking the worst kinds of people? After a few years of this whole cupid consultant shit, you’ve come to notice how unfair it was — The way the best people were always attracted to the shittiest men.

“Oh no, not a player,” you sighed, scribbling the info down on your notepad. “Oh, I forgot to ask, your name is?”

“Yeeun. Jung Yeeun.”

Did she just say Jung Yeeun? Your eyebrows furrowed in absolute shock. “Jung Yeeun? As in the literature gold Medalist Jung Yeeun?” Your jaw was probably on the floor right now, but that didn’t matter when someone with such achievements stood in front of you.

“Oh… yeah.” The girl blushed, looking down at her fingers.

Gosh, she was cute. You found it odd how her mysterious crush hadn’t noticed her throughout these years. After all, she was the Jung Yeeun, and she was absolutely stunning.

“Oh my god. Um, this is so off-topic, but I really admire your work! The way your words flow and the way you intertwine emotions into your writing. Honestly, you’re amazing.” You were truly giddy to finally meet the faceless writer you had been admiring ever since freshman year.

“Oh what? You admire my work?” The girl gasped, looking up at you with her round doe eyes once again. “I don’t know what to say. It means so much to me!”

This time, you gave her a genuine smile. She was the first person this semester to come to you with such courtesy, plus she was talented and so warmhearted? You had struck gold with her and you couldn’t wait to provide any necessary help. “Of course! I’ll also do my best to help you with your crush!”

“Really? I don’t have to appeal or tell you more about my situation?”

“Nope, I just need his name and we’ll be set!” Out of all the clients you “interviewed,” she was the only one who appealed to you, and genuinely, even though it had only been a few minutes, you wanted the best for her. “Also, we can set up a date for weekly meetings so I can forward to you any information I’ve learned about them. Of course, I’ll give you advice too, since that’s my job.”

“What? You’re so kind! I don’t know how to thank you enough.”

“No need,” you grinned, writing her name in your notebook. “I’ll make sure to take the most detailed notes on them to help you the best way I can.”

“Well…” Yeeun trailed off.

“His name is Heeseung. Lee Heeseung.”

What?

Out of everyone it could’ve been, it was him? The infamous senior, Lee Heeseung?

“Is there something wrong?” Yeeun panicked, moving her hand up and down in front of your face to bring you back to your senses. You could tell she was worried for you as your expression suddenly dropped upon hearing his name. “You look a bit pale, Yn.”

“Oh haha,” you chuckled nervously, clearing your throat in the process. “I was just shocked to hear his name. In all honesty, I think you can do better. I heard he’s a trashy person.”

“No, that’s what I heard too. But from the small conversations we had back in class, I think otherwise. He seems misunderstood.” Yeeun forced a smile, attempting to reassure you as you shook your head in disappointment.

One of those “I can change him” situations again. You sighed, writing the boy’s name in your notes along with Yeeun’s information. “Well, you’re right. I don’t know him so I can’t form an opinion on him from what I heard. But anyway, I will try my best to make things work.”

“Thank you, Yn. You’re so kind.”

You were tasked with gathering information about this popular senior boy, and it wasn’t hard. The first person you consulted was Ryujin, your best friend, who was a year older than you, a senior.

“Oh gosh, your client wants Heeseung?” She inched backward in disgust. “He’s literally the worst person to have a crush on. He can’t commit for shit, plus he’s a whole-ass player who has no sense of pity for his former flings. But I mean, it really isn’t hard to earn his favour.”

Your interest perked up after hearing Ryujin’s last sentence. She had rambled for an entire hour about the boy already and said nothing particularly intriguing until now. “And how would someone quote — unquote earn his favour?”

“Frankly, it’s quite simple,” Ryujin smirked, holding up two fingers. “One, show up to one of his or his drunkard friend’s frat party. Two, wear some skimpy dress and seduce the man. He’s quite simple. It makes me gag.”

Shaking off the utter disgust on your face, you rolled your eyes at your friend’s words. What had you expected? Some player with a heart of gold who just hadn’t found their soulmate? You probably spent too much time burying your nose in romance novels to see what reality was like. Even with a position as a love consultant, most of your pairings had worked out and your efforts had never gone to waste. But this time, Yeeun’s request seemed almost fruitless. “Gosh, why did I just know?”

“I mean, he is a player, after all. He’s easy to woo but hard to keep. Your poor client is definitely in a rough spot. But I don’t really know too much about him, so I can’t really speak on his actions.”

“You literally spent the whole past hour roasting the dude.” You scoffed at your friend in amusement.

“Well, I mean, after everything I’ve heard about him, I can’t help it.” The older girl smirked, pushing through the doors of the library. “I mean, I heard there’s a game after school. Maybe we can go together and you can analyze him then.”

“A game? He’s an athlete?”

“Yn, you really are clueless about this man, huh?”

“Maybe.”

—

Tying your hair in a simple ponytail, you grabbed the pale white tote bag that consisted of your notebook, where you kept all your client notes. You leaned against the doorframe of the washroom, tapping your fingers on the marble sink as you waited for Ryujin to finish straightening her hair. “Girl, are you trying to impress someone today? Like you look too good for a simple game.”

Ryujin shot you a sly smirk before returning to straighten the locks that fell to the left side of her face. “Your flattery is giving me too much confidence sis, but maybe.”

You sighed at the girl’s words. “So the truth is, you dragged me to this game just to accompany you, so you could flirt with some jock? I mean, I’m willing to be your emotional support, but girl, I’d rather off myself instead of watching you attempt to flirt.”

“Hey! I'm good at flirting! Plus, you needed to come anyway, right? You need to analyze Mr. Lee Heeseung.” The girl sang, unplugging the straightener. You had to remind yourself that Ryujin was rather popular and had a consistent social life, unlike you, who spent hours crying into your textbooks and a hundred pages of notes.

“Whatever. Shouldn’t we get going?” You cocked your head to the side as you watched your friend put on her dangly silver earrings. “I mean, it starts in twenty minutes, doesn’t it?”

“It’s literally around the corner. It takes five minutes to walk there. No need to rush.” The girl winked at you. “But you’re right, we should head there a few minutes early.” She quickly snatched the beige purse that hung on walls near the entrance, dragging you with her at the same time.

You slipped on your shoes as fast as you could to match Ryujin’s pace. She was definitely excited about seeing this game, and you just couldn’t feel the same way. Something about Yeeun’s request rubbed you the wrong way. Of course, it wasn’t the girl, but it was Heeseung himself. The thought of you getting them together only to have him cheat his way out of the relationship digested you to the max. The last thing you wanted was for Yeeun to get hurt. She was a sweet girl who deserved more than a half-hearted man who had a new fling every day of the week.

“You must be in deep concentration right now.” Ryujin smacked you on the back, bringing you back to reality. “Like hello? Girl, did you even notice that we’re almost there already?” Your eyes scanned your surroundings. The green grass below your feet and the bleachers that stood a few meters away from you definitely signified that you both were close to the playing field.

You hadn’t even noticed riding the elevator down, or heck, even locking the door because of your wandering thoughts. “Oh shit Ryu, did you lock the door?”

The girl scoffed and gave you a lazy grin. “Who do you think I am? Obviously, I had to take it upon myself since you were so wound up in your dreamland.”

“Dreamland my ass,” You rolled your eyes before clutching your friend’s arm, proceeding up the steps of the bleachers. “Where shall we sit?”

Ryujin dragged you back down and slowly approached the very front row, close to where the rugby team was getting ready. “Here obviously! You’re kinda blind, plus I have my reasons.”

“Girl, what the fuck?” You mumbled as you sat down next to Ryujin on the mini tarp she had put on the metal bleachers before sitting down. Right in front of you was the rugby team, some doing push-ups to warm up and some leaning against the bleachers talking to the cheerleaders.

“Shitt you actually came? Honestly, I didn't expect to see you here.” A boy with silver hair approached you and Ryujin while leaning against the tiny fence that separated the bleachers from the playing field. “And you brought a friend with you too? How interesting.”

“Cut the bullshit, Park,” Ryujin snapped. “I didn’t come here to listen to your nasally ass remarks. Kindly turn the fuck around and focus on your game.” She fakely smiled, gesturing for the boy to face around.

“Aw, you know you don’t have to act so hard to get.” The boy called “Park” chuckled. “But you, what’s your name?” He turned his attention to you, eyebrows raised in anticipation.

“It’s Yn, and I think my friend wants you to leave.”

The boy smirked in amusement, twirling his helmet with both his hands. “Oh, she’s feisty. You two make quite the combination.” This “Park” boy had only been standing in front of the two of you for a few seconds and you already wanted to slap the playful grin off his face. From the way he carried himself, you knew he was one of those boys too.

“Yeah, did you not hear her? Piss off, Park.” Ryujin shooed the boy, who only winked at her before making his way toward his teammates.

“Who the fuck-“

“Yes, I know you’re gonna ask questions Yn, I’ll explain.” Ryujin placed her hand on your shoulder, giving you a reassuring smile. The girl had told you everything about her life, but somehow this menace named “Park” was never mentioned in any of her stories. “That was Park Sunghoon, one of Heeseung's best buddies. He’s been trying to, I guess, ‘pursue me’ ever since freshman year? But of course, I rejected him every time. Yes, as you know, I have dated many people, but you will never catch me dead with one of those jocks, especially not Park Sunghoon.”

Park Sunghoon? Now his name sounded familiar.

You had heard his name slip through the mouths of many students roaming the hallways, but never matched his face to his name. He was well known throughout campus and was labeled the “deathly heartthrob.” Mainly because he never actually got into relationships. He was only an advocate for one-night stands, and friends with benefits, nothing else. The boy drew the line and only ever had physical interactions, never emotional.

“Oh, he’s Park Sunghoon,” you nodded your head, mentally connecting all the dots in your head. “Wait, but aren’t you trying to pursue some jock?”

“That’s a different story.” Ryujin inched closer to you, placing her hand over your ear before whispering. “You see, the boy over there?” She pointed ever so slightly at a boy in an oversized leather jacket who was holding a yellow water bottle.

“The yellow water bottle boy?” You questioned, squinting your eyes for a better view.

“Yeah, he’s the new manager on the team and he’s hella fine. Don’t you think so?”

You turned around to face Ryujin before throwing her a sarcastic grin. “Well, as you said, I'm blind, so I can’t see shit.”

The girl hit you gently, cackling at your response.

Before you could revert your focus to whatever was going on on the field, your eyes landed on a particular boy with raven black hair who was staring right back at you. His eyes seemed to pierce through your gaze, freezing you on the spot. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t even breathe in the presence of his stare. He was just a simple rugby jock who had both hands lazily tucked into his side pockets. So what made his gaze so enticing? Was it the way he looked at you? Or was it the way he licked his lips while shooting you a sly smirk?

“Who the fuck is that?” You shook Ryujin right after the boy shifted his vision elsewhere.

“Which one? You’re literally staring into a crowd of men.” She remarked, waiting for you to point to whoever this dude was.

“The one over there. The tall one with the parted black hair.” You motioned your head towards the boy’s direction, afraid to point or make any more unnecessary eye contact.

“Oh, that one?” Ryujin grinned. “That’s Mr. Play boy. Your target of today.”

That was Lee Heeseung?

The boy with the almost dangerous stare? Your heart fell into your stomach. You could already tell by the way his lips curved up into a sly smirk that Lee Heeseung was trouble.

Quickly pulling out your notebook, you began to scribble down your observations of the boy, who stood amused at your actions. He had diverted his gaze back to you a minute ago, only to see you frantically ask your friend a question and then proceed to pull out a notepad.

The buzzer blared throughout the court, signaling the beginning of the game, and the boys rushed to their positions, waiting for the game to commence. You always thought rugby was an odd sport — the aggressive shoving, and the constant growling. You a hundred percent preferred football. A few minutes of passing the ball had gone by before you grew bored, aggravated by the icy wind that kept blowing your hair in your face, blocking your view. You had to focus on Heeseung, but all you could get out of this game was that he was stubborn. The way he played, constantly trying to score points for his team, and the way he shoved members of the opposing team with his brute force without looking back — Heeseung always got what he wanted. You could tell from the simple expression he had on his face, eyes hungry and full of desire.

A stubborn man who always got his way. The worst kind to deal with.

The final buzzer went off, signaling the conclusion of the game. Your school won and you were anything but surprised. The only extra information you got out of coming to tonight’s game was that Heeseung seemed to be the captain of the team, and Ryujin sucked ass at flirting. Before you could jot your concluding thoughts down, you heard your friend clearing her throat as she slightly nudged you. She was standing up, arms entwined with the yellow water bottle boy, and she looked down at you, eyes practically begging. “Yn, is it okay if you head back to the dorms yourself? Here, I can give you the keys.” She rummaged through her purse, pulling out her metal keys with the bear keychain you had gifted her for her birthday. “I’m just gonna be out for a little longer. Is that okay?” She was giving you puppy eyes now.

You sighed, chuckling at your friend’s words. You weren’t going to stop her from getting with someone she fancied just because you were scared to walk back yourself. What kind of friend would you even call yourself if you ruined her chances just because the dark gave you chills? “No problem, give me a call if you need anything!” You smiled, gesturing for her to go ahead before shifting your attention back to your notes.

“Captain of the team, strong-willed I guess, stubborn.” You mumbled to yourself, listing down every piece of information you detected through tonight’s game.

“Having fun writing my name into your death note?” A low voice spoke, startling you. Instinctively, you brought your notebook to your chest, guarding the information you had gathered. You were never to share your notes with anyone but your clients. Even Ryujin hadn’t had the chance to skim through your notebook.

Your eyes landed on a particular raven-haired boy, who leaned teasingly against the fence. His hair wasn’t perfectly parted anymore, it was rather messy and dripping with sweat. Good thing the boy had a towel around his neck. Or else you’d probably scoot away from him.

Or would you?

He was a good meter away from you, and your eyes instinctively fell to his facial features, his tall nose bridge, his tanned complexion which seemed to glisten under the stadium light, and his lips.

His lips? What the fuck were you thinking?

You slightly gasped, realizing the situation you were in. Heeseung stood in front of you, staring at your every flicker of emotion and movement. Once again, your mind ran blank, unable to move or think.

“I’m joking,” the boy chuckled. “What are you writing so attentively that you only looked up at the game a few times?”

He had noticed every time that you spent jotting down notes instead of watching the game? What the hell? Did this man have eyes on the back of his head?

“It’s none of your concern.” You spoke forcefully, shoving your notebook into your bag.

“Did you find the game boring?” The boy snickered, his intense gaze not leaving yours.

“Maybe I did.” You got up, getting ready to leave.

Heeseung wasn’t going to let you leave at that moment. “Then what interests you?” The boy asked, looking up at you while leaning closer. Did this boy not understand the concept of personal space, or did he just lack awareness? Though you were standing up, you still felt the way his cocky grin held you down, forcing you to stay.

“Probably not you.” You snapped back at the boy. He emanated so much confidence and somehow, he had a hold on you, and you wanted nothing more than to run away.

“But didn’t you just get ditched by your friend?” He raised his eyebrows, unknowingly provoking you even more. “I mean, I must be quite interesting since you’re still here answering my questions.”

Number one of why you hated men of his kind. In their minds, the world revolves around them and every little thing that is of convenience to them; they use to further latch onto in order to get whatever they want. Heeseung knew how to talk, and you already knew you hated his guts.

“Right.” You gave him a fake smile before turning your back on the boy. “Well, maybe you were interesting, but your words are boring me, so do me a favour and shut your mouth.” You remarked, giving him one last wave before leaving the premise of his lurking gaze. It took you lots of confidence to tell people to shut up, but with him, it came naturally.

ENTRY LOG #1

First day of analyzing Lee Heeseung and he’s an absolute menace. He’s the stereotypical frat boy who has way too much time on his hands. An absolute rake. Though besides that, he is the captain of the school’s rugby team and is very dedicated to winning. From the way he carries himself, he seems to be very confident, but he’s also very skilled with his words. He knows how to charm people, and that may be a dangerous sign. However, this is just an outlook on the boy as he did not show any of his true personality — unless this is what his true personality is, a shitty playboy jock.

The next time you saw Heeseung was on campus near the library. He was walking through the greenery area with his arms latched around two girls who wore short pleated skirts and heels too high for a simple lecture day. You totally understood dressing up, as you tried to dress your best during your first year of university. But ten-inch heels were a different story. They had their arms around him, either coddling his waist or his chest. You tried your best not to barf up this morning's breakfast, as the sight was triggering an awful churning in your stomach. Before you could turn your attention elsewhere, his eyes met yours and the same smirk found its way to his lips. You rolled your eyes at him before going off on your way. That was until the menace strolled up in front of you with his hands in his pocket.

“Enjoying the view so much, you had to stop and stare at me for a full minute?” He chuckled, walking backward since you hadn’t stopped walking forward. The cocky grin never left his face and your urge to push him off a cliff didn’t either.

“I thought I recognized one of the girls that you were with.” You blatantly lied, thinking of the first excuse that came to mind. “Speaking of the girls, where did they go?”

Heeseung’s grin only grew bigger at your lame excuse. His arms came to stop you from proceeding forward. “Don’t you know it’s rude to ‌walk away from someone when they’re trying to strike up an ethical conversation? They left after I told them I had something more interesting to do.” He smirked. “Plus, you suck at lying, don’t you? Your eyes dart whenever you lie. Did you know?”

He was damn good at analyzing people, and you knew he’d probably use that to impress the girls on campus who seemed to faint from his presence. “Morally ethical, huh? Sorry to burst your bubble, but nothing about you is morally ethical.”

“Oh, is that so?” Heeseung inched closer to you, and after quite a few steps back, you found your heels hitting the walls. There was no more space for you to back up against, and the sly smirk never left his face as he proceeded to step forward. He now only stood a few inches away from you — way too close for a mere stranger. “And how would you know?”

“I don’t,” you spat before harshly nudging the boy backward. “Just leave me alone, will you?” You mumbled, watching the boy stumble backward, amused by your actions.

“And would you like to?” Heeseung still managed to speak after you clearly rejected his advances. “You know I’m really good with my-“

“Shut your trap Heeseung.” You hissed, once again attempting to escape the awkward situation.

“You said my name for the first time!” He spoke enthusiastically. “The way it rolls off your tongue sounds really nice. You should say it more often!” He smirked, leaning back against the wall, not attempting to chase you.

You didn’t even bother glancing back at the boy, knowing if you did, you would be met with his painfully attractive smirk. Instead, you flipped the boy your middle finger.

Your seat in the consulting office behind the desk felt rather odd. You hadn’t found out anything revolutionizing or world-changing about the boy, but you still sat in your seat — waiting for Yeeun to prance in and listen to all the information you collected. You honestly had nothing to say that was worthy of her time, and you even thought about canceling your appointment. That was only until you saw the girl push her way through the library doors, on her way to visit you in the small room you had in the quiet space.

“Yn!” she exclaimed as soon as she set foot in the room. “I was so excited for today I barely could eat! My stomach is churning! It’s so thrilling!”

You offered the girl a forced chuckle before flipping open your notebook. “Well, you see…” You trailed off, not knowing where to start. “To be honest, since it’s only been a few days and I haven’t really gotten the chance to see him much? But from the information I gathered, he seems to be a very head-strong person who’s very dedicated to his own craft.”

“Oh, no worries!” The smaller girl giggled. “Even hearing about his achievements makes me happy. You know he’s the captain of the rugby team, right? Isn’t that so cool? I wish I could’ve attended his game a few days back, but I had prior arrangements.”

You were almost glad she hadn’t come. What would be the outcome of her seeing Heeseung’s eyes glued onto you throughout the entire game like you had a target on your back? Or maybe, if she did come, his eyes would be on her instead.

“Yes, he’s a very high achieving person. But besides that, he seems like he’s an easy person to strike up a conversation with. So that’s a win for you, right?” You smiled at her enthusiasm. She really liked him, didn’t she? Even talking about him made the corner of her lips perk up into a shy smile.

“Yes, yes, it is. He won’t get bored with me if I can’t think of anything to say, right?”

You rolled your eyes before chuckling at your innocent upperclassman. “Of course Yeeun! He’ll be the one that won’t be able to shut up.”

Yeeun giggled at your comment and checked her phone quickly. “I actually have a short meeting today, so I may have to cut our appointment a little short. Is that okay?”

You gave the girl an affirming smile. “Of course, I didn’t really have too much information today anyway. But next week at the same time?”

She nodded, pushing her chair in before waving at you and exiting the room.

You let out a sigh of relief, organizing your notes before you, too, decided to exit this stuffy room. The library was a big, bright place full of windows and you didn’t want to be cooped up in a room with no natural light whatsoever.

As soon as you locked the door of the consulting office, you felt a strong gaze on the back of your head.

Maybe you should’ve stayed in the room.

“I should consider myself lucky, right? I was dreading coming here, but it seems like it’ll be quite entertaining instead.” His voice was loud enough for the reception desk to send the two of you glares.

“Why the hell do I always bump into you? Are you sure you’re not following me or something?” You wanted to curse him out for his timing. If he had come just a few minutes earlier, you could’ve perfectly set him up with Yeeun.

Heeseung scoffed at your assumption. Him following you? Why would he ever do that? “You can daydream all you want, sweetheart, but sorry to break it to you. I wasn’t.”

You, happy with his answer, gave the boy a sarcastic smile. “Oh, is that so? Well then, if you don’t mind, I’ll take my leave now.”

Maybe Heeseung did want to follow you right now as his hand quickly grabbed your wrist, turning you back around. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t think I’ve made it clear enough. I’m going A W A Y. F R O M. Y O U.” You annotated every word with a certain passive-aggressiveness.

“I’ll tag along then.” He grinned. “You’re walking towards the back tables of the library. Near the windows, am I right?”

Shaking your wrist out of his grip, you turned around once again. “I don’t think I ever invited you.”

The boy stood staring at you as you made your way to the far back corner of the library, settling your books on the desk. You were decently surprised when he didn’t follow you.

Or so you thought.

“Who needs an invitation?” Heeseung dragged the chair across from you over to your side as he plopped down and leaned on the tabletop, way too close to your face. “It’s a public space, am I right?”

How many times had he done this already? Invading your personal space without giving a single fuck about how you felt.

But how did you feel?

You felt his hot breath hitting the nape of your neck, and you watched how his long eyelashes fluttered as he opened and closed his eyes. He was good-looking; you had to admit that. But you had no interest whatsoever.

Right?

“Move, you literally could sit anywhere else.” You shoved the boy slightly.

Unfazed by your attitude, he only chuckled, making your rage grow. “You know, if it were any other girl, they’d be begging for me to stay, right?”

“Oh, is that so? Well, then what should I do, huh? Apologize?” You spat, annoyed with his entitled attitude.

“Nah, you should do something else.” He leaned back in his chair while crossing his arms.

“And what is that?”

“Let me see what you were writing in your diary the other day.” He smirked, raising his eyebrow in amusement as he awaited your answer.

“First of all, it’s not a diary. Second, I wasn’t writing about you, and third, I have a right to privacy for my belongings.”

“Then if you’re not gonna show me your notebook or whatever, let me stay here.” He shot you a winning grin, placing his phone on the table to secure his spot.

“You did that just so you could stay, huh?” He always had a way with his words and your desire to punch him only grew.

“Oh, looks like I’ve been caught red-handed, huh?” He chuckled, leaning back on the table and staring at your constantly changing expressions. It would be an understatement to say that Heeseung enjoyed the way you talked to him. He had never felt such a thrill in his life other than the first time he rebelled against his parents in high school. You were bringing that spark back into his life and he didn’t want it to extinguish.

You shifted uncomfortably, directing your gaze back to the stack of textbooks you had brought with you for studying purposes. “What are you gonna get out of staying here and wasting your life away?” You mumbled, quite bothered by his presence.

He smiled, placing his finger on his chin whilst pretending to ponder. Maybe it was the sunlight hitting his face, but your gaze only remained on his eyes that shone a golden brown in the light. They glittered when he blinked, and somehow you felt time freeze once more. How many times had this boy made you feel like the revolving word had stopped? You were in a stupid library, contemplating if you should study, yet here you are, staring into some boy’s eyes while he pretended to think of some excuse.

Thank god he was looking away, or else you’d definitely be receiving a mouthful from him.

“I’m gonna watch you study. Maybe I’ll pick up some studying habits?” He blurted out after a good three minutes.

You scoffed, looking away after he had met your gaze again. “That doesn’t sound too fitting to your character.”

“I’m pretty sure you have to get to know someone before you fully judge their character. Am I right, miss cupid?”

Miss cupid?

Had he known you were part of the cupids club, spending your spare time matchmaking?

Or worse. Did he know your client was gunning for him?

“I heard you were in some matchmaking club. But I highly doubt that seeing the way you interact.” Heeseung remarked, playing with your pad of colourful sticky notes.

“So you’re a stalker?!” you gasped.

“No, I-I’m not!”

—

Maybe it wasn’t that bad — having Heeseung accompany you. He spent hours taking turns from staring at you, then to your textbook. Sometimes the boy would lean in to stare at your notes and you could feel your cheeks heating up at the proximity. You had slapped yourself a couple of times, snapping yourself out of this unfamiliar daze. It felt almost improper to spend time with your client’s love interest. But you were glad now. The sun had set and Heeseung was slumped over the table, sleeping comfortably on the stack of your textbooks. You giggled at the sight. Somehow, he looked almost innocent and unlike his regular smug self. His body moved up and down slightly. You didn’t want to bother the boy who was sleeping so soundly — but he was lying on top of your textbooks. It wouldn’t hurt if you just tapped him awake, right? Just as your hand approached to grab your books, the boy groaned slightly, wrapping his arms tightly around the stack of your textbooks. You almost let out a loud laugh as you saw the boy bringing the textbooks closer to him to get more comfortable. Who knew the infamous rugby captain needed to cuddle something to fall asleep?

You decided not to wake the boy as he would probably get cranky or start throwing a fit. You had enough of the boy’s attitude for a day — frankly for the rest of your life. Taking off the jacket you had, you placed it gently on his broad shoulders before you stuck the small post-it-note you had written a few minutes ago in front of him, on the table.

You fell asleep :/// See; I told you ‌that you should’ve done something better with your time! You could’ve gone to a party or even practiced your sport, but instead, you spent your time here! Also, I hope you don’t drool on my textbooks; they were hella expensive. I didn’t take them because I didn’t wanna wake you up. Return those to me tomorrow and bring my jacket too! (Yes, I left my jacket for you. Not because I care for you, but because it actually gets really chilly since they turn on the AC :( whatever, just make sure you return everything.)

And what you didn’t know was that Heeseung didn’t care about “wasting time,” because all he really desired was to rest — escape from all the burdens and titles he carried.

ENTRY LOG #2

Heeseung seems to be bearable when he’s not trying to sweet talk. His conversations, besides that, are actually genuine. He also seems to have ears everywhere. Whenever he wants to know something, he’ll be able to get stacks of information on that person. Besides that, he’s pretty entertaining? I think he just needs someone that genuinely likes him for him, instead of for his outlook. He may seem all “I’m the best” and flirty, but something tells me his smiles aren’t genuine. He needs someone to appreciate him for who he is… and Yeeun is perfect.

You had spent hours the next few days working on your midterm seminar with your group mates, who didn’t seem to comprehend the importance of this group assignment. Meets ups happened frequently and your group mates listened well to your instructions. However, when they were off on their own to complete their personal assigned sections, most of them would slack off until the last minute. As the final slide organizer, you spent most of your time waiting for your group mates to hand in their completed parts to insert into the slides.

But it was already 11:30pm, and you were so close to crashing on the library desk you had been sitting at for the past four hours. Tapping your fingers impatiently, you opened and closed your text messages with your group members, hoping someone would send something in. You all had agreed on sending in your parts before 10pm, ensuring you had enough time to organize everything and get a good night of sleep before the seminar tomorrow morning. However, there wasn’t a single peep from your group mates and it was already halfway to twelve. Feeling the weight of all the stress, your eyelids began to grow heavy. A short nap wouldn’t harm you, and there was nothing better to do anyway. Setting your alarm for 12:30 am, you rested your head onto your forearm as you dozed off into dreamland.

—

Heeseung found it hard to stay at home. The boy was bombarded with nonstop noise coming from every corner of the house. On a normal day, he wouldn’t be bothered by the constant arguing between Jake and his girlfriend or the loud ass giggles coming from Sunghoon’s room. But today, all he felt was his shooting headache, and the noise surrounding him only added to his agony. He needed to get out.

The first thing that came to mind was the therapeutic library environment he had experienced while watching you cram for your seminar. Yearning for the same feeling, he found himself stuffing his keys in his jacket pocket as he decided to take a little night walk to the University’s library. The walls of windows would probably look even more stunning with the moonlight shining through.

Yes, he wanted to experience the same feeling he had the last time, but he didn’t expect to see you slumped over on the same table, sleeping soundly. Smiling to himself, the boy sat down in the seat across from you, watching as your body rose up and down slightly. In his eyes, you were constantly busy with no down time whatsoever. He had always wondered if you could get sufficient sleep every day. You rarely had nights where you would get enough rest, and Heeseung could tell. You wouldn’t be dozing off in the school’s library if you weren’t swamped with loads of work.

Maybe it was the way you gripped onto the edge of your laptop, hugging it like a pillow, but Heeseung couldn’t help but feel a need to protect you, to shield you away from all the bad in the world. The boy spent the next ten minutes staring out the window, accompanying you as you slept. Just from sitting in silence, he could feel his headache slowly creeping away.

The slight buzz of his phone startled him, shaking him from his short-lived relaxation. It was a text from Jake.

Jake: Hey sorry bro. I heard you leaving, and I figured it was because of the noise. She’s gone now, so you’re free to come back.

Just as he was about to ignore the text and return to his little moment of bliss, his phone buzzed once more.

Jake: Actually, you should come back now. There’s a fucking cockroach in the washroom and Sunghoon is busy having fun in his room. I ain’t tryna see him naked, so comeback and kill this roach.

Heeseung figured Jay had already gone to sleep and Jake was probably crouching in the bathroom, staring the roach down, watching its every move. Sunghoon was practically useless when it came to bugs. Even if he wasn’t preoccupied, he wouldn’t lift a finger to kill the bug. Sighing, Heeseung quietly stood up from his chair, trying his best not to wake you. This time he’d return the favour. Taking off his jacket, he carefully placed it over your shoulders.

As he was about to leave, his eyes landed on the same pad of sticky notes he had fidgeted with the last time he watched you study. Grabbing the pen from your unzipped pencil case, he scribbled a quick note before placing it on the top of your laptop. Heeseung wished he could stay for longer, but he knew Jake would grill him nonstop if he didn’t return to kill a small fucking bug.

—

Your alarm rang, the buzzing shaking you awake. Maybe taking a brief nap was a good idea because you woke up to blaring notifications from your group chat, sending you the completed work, and a small pink sticky note.

A small pink sticky note?

This wasn’t here when you fell asleep.

And neither was the black jean jacket that was carefully wrapped around your shoulders.

You're practically drooling on your laptop. What if it burns? Aren’t you proud that I didn’t wake you up? I know you would probably start scolding me for being out here at such ungodly hours, but you too??? What are you doing, sleeping in such an unsafe spot? Sorry I couldn’t stay, but I left my jacket with you since you said it gets chilly. Hopefully, this makes up for the last time. I returned the favour, but you don’t have to return the jacket. Keep it. Anyway, go to the lounge on the second floor when you wake up. There are pillows there and it’ll be much more comfortable to sleep there. Don’t go home. It’s late, and it’s unsafe to travel alone. You can head back when the sun rises, but not when it's pitch black outside, okay?

Oh also, I usually carry chocolate in my pocket (don’t ask why). There should be a Hersey’s bar in the pocket of my Jean jacket. Eat it, okay?

Heeseung had been here? Why was he out so late? Why did he come to the library?

You had many questions, but the main issue you had to deal with wasn’t the lack of answers, but the smile forming on your face as you read his note. Your heart was beating a little faster than usual, but you still sat there, oblivious to your own feelings.

After the library incident, you bumped into Heeseung quite frequently. Every day, he’d find a way to make an appearance in your life, even if it was just sending you a playful wink as you passed each other on campus. When not surrounded by girls or his weird druggy friends, he would often strike up a conversation with you, even if you tried to push him away. He enjoyed teasing you, and somehow, it didn’t feel quite as odd as it did before.

“Your outfit is quite nice.” He commented, leaning against the column. He scanned you up and down before shooting you one of his signature smirks.

“Don’t look at me like that. I internally puke every time.” You faked a gag, waving the boy off.

“Did you think I was checking you out? Because you don’t have to worry, there’s nothing to check out.” He cackled, pushing himself off the column and towards you. “Where are you headed today? The library again?”

You hummed in response. “I have an appointment.”

Heeseung’s interest immediately piqued. “Oh right! I forgot I was talking to Miss Cupid here. Who’s your client? I’m curious.”

It was against the rules to tell him about your client, especially when he was the target. “I’m not gonna tell you. It’s confidential information.”

Usually, Heeseung would just laugh it off and leave you off to your own business, but today, he found it extremely hard not to meddle. The boy pushed you against the lockers, staring at you with his eyebrows furrowed. He somehow felt annoyed by the fact that you were going to ditch him for your client right after he got the chance to talk to you.

“H-Heeseung? What are you doing?” You gasped at the sudden impact of your back hitting the lockers. His expression had suddenly dropped, and you were left confused as to why he was so angry and why he had shoved you against some locker.

The boy only moved closer, placing his hand on the wall of lockers beside you. His breath was practically fanning your lips at this point. You squeezed your eyes shut. It was an instinct. There was something about the way he was staring at you that made you feel almost small and weak.

Heeseung was confused. Was it jealousy? Was he jealous of your stupid client that got to spend time with you? It seemed like every time he had a chance to speak to you, you would attempt to blow him off as soon as possible. Mostly, when he wanted to see you, his friends would drag him away to some party, and he’d end up getting drunk, forgetting his desire to see you as he fell deeper into intoxication. But finally he had some time to spare, without his friends up his ass and here you were, waving him off for some stupid client.

He wasn’t jealous; he was just angry that you completely disregarded his feelings — at least that’s what he told himself.

Seeing you squeeze your eyes tightly shut, he finally came to his senses, backing away before sighing. “My bad. Um, yeah, as I was saying, your outfit looks nice today. I like your barret.” He remarked dryly as he watched your eyes slowly flicker open. “I’ll get going now. Sorry about that.”

With that, heeseung left you alone, leaning against the lockers. Your heart felt as if it were a contestant for some Olympic race. Why did something so simple have your cheeks flaming? What was this feeling that caused your breath to waver and become unsteady?

Heeseung was your client’s target. You had to get that into your head. You had no right feeling this way.

Scurrying to the consulting office, you saw Yeeun fiddling with her fingers while sitting in the seat across from your designated one. She had arrived early — or instead, your little encounter had you running late. “Sorry about the wait, Yeeun!” You apologized profusely while entering the room.

“No worries, Yn!” I was really excited to see you again. “I actually wanted to ask you for a favour today.”

Placing your bag onto the wooden desk, you pulled out your chair, settling in. “A favour? Yeah, of course, what’s up?”

“Well,” Yeeun nervously grinned. “I’m attending a guest lecture today and I heard from a friend that Heeseung is coming! I just wanted to make a good impression. Do you know what I should wear?”

Your mind immediately flashed to Heeseung’s words a few minutes ago. “I like your barret.”

“Oh actually um,” you gave the girl a small reassuring smile. “I saw him in the halls today and I heard him saying he liked barrets. Maybe you could wear one?”

“I actually don’t have one. I can’t buy one either, since the lecture is in about an hour.” Yeeun sighed, wishing she owned more hats.

“You can take mine?” You suggested, taking your hat off before combing your hair through with your fingers. “You’ll look good in it and your hair is also slightly curly today! It looks good with slight curls!”

Yeeun gasped, politely accepting your offer. “Oh my, is that why your hair is always curled when you wear hats? It always looks so good!”

You giggled, motioning for her to try it on. “Yep! I spent a short while curling my hair today just for it.”

“How does it look?” Yeeun questioned, turning her head slightly from left to right after putting the hat on.

“It looks flawless! I mean, you always do, but the hat really accentuates your tall nose bridge!” You exclaimed, holding up your front phone camera for her to examine herself.

“What Yn, you’re right! It looks really good!” she squealed. “Plus, my outfit is similar to yours today, so it matches!”

“Yeah! So wear it!” You shot Yeeun another smile before going into your bag to pull out your notebook. “So since we already got you looking the part, I’ll just tell you about the new information I found out this week.”

“Sounds good!” Yeeun scooted closer to the desk, thrilled to hear about your new findings.

…

“Yes, so never reject a party invitation from him, okay?”

“Yes! I got it.” Yeeun gave you a small thumbs up. “But what if he doesn’t invite me to one of his parties?”

“Then casually ask him if he's holding one this week.” You grinned. “I mean, he hosts one, or at least his friend group hosts one every week at their frat house.”

“Right,” Yeeun pondered for a second before speaking again. “Is it that important to attend one of his parties?”

You didn’t know how to respond. Something in you wanted to end this whole cupid exchange quick, and you knew the best way for her to get his attention was at his stupid parties. You planned to doll Yeeun up when she officially got invited by him. These parties didn’t require invitations, but it was important to have Heeseung personally invite Yeeun. He would know she would be coming and would expect her to greet him when she arrived — that already was a benefit. “Yes, Yeeun! He needs to know you’re coming, remember?”

“Oh, right!” She exclaimed, beaming with excitement. “Then I’ll try my best to talk to him today. I’ll get going now! Thank you once again Yn, you’re a lifesaver.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Your last words left a bitter taste in your mouth. Why was your stomach churning so uncomfortably? It's almost like you hated the idea — the idea of them flirting or making out at one of his parties.

Heeseung regretted every minute of his morning, replaying his encounter with you repeatedly like a broken cassette player, until he felt almost dizzy. He didn’t mean to come off so harshly, yet whenever he saw you, he just wanted you to remain in his view until he himself was forced to leave. He remembered the expression in your eyes and how they grew almost fearful. Somehow it made him feel as if he was in the wrong, as if he were the one to blame for your shaking legs. Initially, he was intrigued by your lack of interest and aloof attitude towards him, but now it only bothered him, crushing his dignity firmly with no sense of remorse. It was almost as if you despised his presence and would go to extreme lengths to stay clear of the boy.

But that didn’t explain the goosebumps that ran up your neck when his breath fanned your lips.

Much to his disfavor, the boy's phone buzzed continually in his back pocket. His father had been pressuring him to attend a special guest lecture to make up for his lack of efforts in his other classes. He had been dreading it for the entire week, and he knew skipping would only earn him a mouthful. Some lecture about some “intriguing discussions about the human mind, darker drives and psychological analysis.” He had no interest whatsoever, and the only thing driving him was the party at the end of the dreadful week. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he made his way down the looping brick hall, leading him to the lecture hall with the purple plush seats. He didn’t care too much since he would probably sit near the back and doze off behind some committed student who actually attended to learn. Waving lazily to the girls who stared at him with googly eyes, he felt almost sick of doing the same thing. No longer did he find it fun to watch a random girl squirm at the fact that they were acknowledged by the school’s infamous rugby captain. Instead, he found it tiring. He had grown weary to the customs of winking at every passing person. Their excitement clearly did not phase him in the slightest anymore.

The lecture hall was rather silent, opposite of what he thought it’d be like. The only thing he was expecting was over excited students who were too passionate about the subject and enjoyed blabbing constantly about it. He expected everyone to fit the prototype he had created in his head during his tread over. Instead of conforming to his thoughts, most people were in their own seats, scrolling through their phones. Sighing, Heeseung slowly made his way up the stairs. His arrival earned a few slight gasps from a few of the younger students, but he ignored them, focusing on gaining a perfect spot for his little nap.

That was only until he saw you with your head down, buried in your arms. You were wearing the same berret. He chuckled, carefully approaching you, making sure he didn’t make a sound. Maybe this lecture wouldn’t be too bad and maybe he could apologize for what had occurred this morning.

“Hey miss cupid, didn’t know I’d find you here.” Heeseung spoke softly, giving you a soft tap on your head. “Didn’t know you were interested in dark psychology. But at the same time, I feel like it’s very fitting.” Settling his bag on the small pull out table attached to his seat, he wrapped his arm around your chair as he watched you groan slightly, lifting your head.

“Excuse me? Who’s miss cupid?” Yeeun lifted her head, only to face the last person she expected to sit next to her. “Wait, oh my… um hi! Hi Heeseung.”

Heeseung’s face dropped immediately. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else.” Removing his arm, he quickly shifted uncomfortably, clearing his throat in the process. How could he have mixed you up with someone who didn’t look remotely like you? It was the hat, the fucking hat. He cursed under his breath repeatedly, resting his head on his palm, attempting to distract himself from the embarrassment. He had really just sat in the most evident spot, where the professor could spot him in a single second. Maybe if his mind wasn’t flooded with thoughts of you, he’d make a rational decision and analyze the person in front of him first. Why the fuck was he so desperate?

“Oh, did you mix me up with someone?” Yeeun tapped the boy on the shoulder, shaking him out of his daze. Her smile faded when she saw the boy squint at her, shaking his head as he frowned. Did she do something? Why did he look so uninterested? Didn't Yn say that the hat might help her out?

“Yeah, I guess. Sorry, it’s my fault. I should’ve looked more carefully.” He spoke, forcing a smile to wave off the girl’s concern.

Yeeun couldn’t be happier to see the boy smile again. Her cheeks grew hot as the pair held eye contact for a few seconds. “Oh well, um,” she began. “My name is Yeeun. Hopefully next time you won’t get me mixed up with someone else.”

"Oh yeah, uh sure.”

“I’ve heard of you before,” Yeeun spoke, this time in a softer tone. “You’re the captain of the rugby team, right? I really enjoyed watching you play last year. This year I didn’t have the chance to attend any of your games because of my busy schedule, but I will for sure make time. Speaking of time, I have time this weekend but sadly there’s no game this week. I wish I had come last time. My friend went, and she said you—”

“Wow, that’s interesting, well I mean there is a party this week. I guess you could come.” Heeseung intervened, his tone lacking any sort of enthusiasm. He knew what this was. Another one of those girls trying to appeal to him; kiss up to him so they could get some special invitation from him. Or the other option; they wanted to get in his pants. There was no in-between and Heeseung was sick. How many times had he experienced the same conversation in the past four years? Previously, he might’ve flirted back, but somehow he was absolutely turned off by Yeeun’s advances.

“Oh my god, really? A personal invitation from you?” Yeeun’s expressionbrightened, along with her smile.

Heeseung shot her a forced lazily grin. “Yeah, just give me your number. I’ll text you the address and time.” She was so excited and for what? He didn’t understand how an invitation could influence someone this greatly. They had parties almost every two weeks. Had she never gone to one? Offering his phone to the girl, he sat back, watching Yeeun type in her number ecstatically, fingers slightly quivering. He already knew. She found interest in him, and he couldn’t help but feel bored at that revelation.

“I’ll be sure to come.” Yeeun giggled softly, returning Heeseung's phone. “I might bring a plus one. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, anyone is welcome. Do whatever you wish.”

And the rest of the lecture went swiftly. Heeseung could see the girl next to him steal glances at him now and then. He could see the twinkle in her eyes and how they shined when her gaze landed on him. She most definitely enjoyed his company, unlike someone he knew. But he couldn't say the same.

Upon dismissal, Heeseung didn’t spare a single glance at Yeeun before barging his way through his row, attempting to get to the doors as quickly as possible. Still left in a daze, Yeeun felt the giddy jumping in her stomach as she watched the boy’s broad shoulders squeeze through the jumbling crowd. She liked him even more now. The handsome, tall and kind Lee Heeseung, who was kind enough to invite her to his party.

Heeseung felt void of emotions. His body felt numb and his expression remained blank as he slammed the lecture door, leaving Yeeun’s sight. His surroundings were blurred out by his thoughts that swarmed and suffocated him.

Why did he feel no joy in seeing people swoon over him?

Why was this morning’s incident still stuck in his head like super glue, permanent and unremovable, that only a painful amount of scrubbing, scratching and rinsing could remove? Heeseung was unable to get his mind off you, and he didn’t have the energy to wash away his feelings when his thoughts blocked his freedom.

The realization of his feelings was something new to him.

But Heeseung feared acceptance.

His hands automatically swiped at his phone, dialing the first number on his contact list.

“1”

He needed a distraction.

“What the fuck? Where do you need to go?” Your jaw hung wide open at your best friend, who only shot you a nervous grin as she fidgeted with her fingers.

“I’m sorry Yn, please?” Ryujin shot her puppy-like expression at you, begging for you to say yes.

“Okay, first off, why the fuck are you going to see Park Sunghoon, and second, why do I need to drive your ass there? Drive yourself!” You rolled your eyes, bringing your focus back to your dinner you had cooked for yourself.

“Okay, I Just need to give him something, but I just need you to drop me off because ‘he’ knows my car plate and I don’t want him to misunderstand the situation.” Ryujin pleaded.

You had to remind yourself that “he” was the young manager Ryujin had been seeing, who lived around the area of Sunghoon’s fraternity home. “What do you mean, misunderstand? So you want me to wait for you until you return this ‘item’ and then drive you back?”

“Precisely!” Ryujin shot you a thumbs up, which was followed by a nervous grin. “If he sees that I’m with a friend, then he won’t get suspicious.”

You squinted at the girl. “Yeah, but whatever this whole ‘returning the item shit’ is, it’s already fishy to me.”

“No, I swear it isn’t, just please get in the car. Sunghoon’s an impatient person.”

And that’s how you found yourself stepping on the siege green door mattress, neatly placed in front of Sunghoon’s fraternity house. Ryujin pressed on the doorbell once and a long stretch of silence followed through. She then proceeded to bang on the door repeatedly. Ryujin was also an impatient person. “He’s really testing my patience today, huh?” Ryujin groaned, pacing around the door in small semi-circles.

You stood beside her, bored out of your mind. You could’ve been productive in the time wasted by Ryujin, who was too scared to get “caught” returning some stupid ass item. Maybe he wasn’t home, and he pranked your best friend to come over, just to waste her time. He seemed like that type of person. Waiting in the car sounded like a better idea than waiting out here on their doorsteps in the cold. Just as you were about to turn around, the door slammed open to a disheveled—

“Heeseung?” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as your eyes scanned the man standing in the doorway. He leaned lazily on the open door, barely holding on to the frame of the entrance. He was wearing an oversized flannel, barely clinging onto his shoulders that hung only partially buttoned, revealing most of his bare chest. Your eyes grew big as you noticed the dark red love marks that decorated his neck, all the way to the lower half of his upper body, which was shielded by his flannel.

You were sure the marks didn’t stop there.

“Shit. Yn?” Heeseung was not expecting you. He had only come to his senses after the long pause of him opening the door. He had thought maybe Sunghoon had forgotten his keys, or maybe Jake was too drunk to even search for his. In no world did he think he’d open the door to you, standing at his doorway with an unreadable expression.

“Heeseung, what’s taking you so long?” You heard a voice emerging from behind him, her voice laced with fatigue but also a strong sense of desire.

You knew.

You knew what was going on.

“Yn, I can explain.” Heeseung rustled his already messy hair. You could clearly read his expression from the way his eyebrows arched downwards, to the firm line his lips were pressed into.

Shaking your head slightly, you squeezed your eyes shut. “What is there for you to explain?” You spoke in a stern voice, attempting to hide the quivering of your words.

“Heeseung, who is it?” You heard the honey laced voice another time.

Without any hesitation, you pushed Heeseung back into the warmth of his house before slamming the door shut. The cold air fanned your face, and the contrast stung like needles. Or maybe it was the disturbing churning in your stomach that made you feel almost sick. Maybe it wasn’t the cold that pierced your body, but the realization that hit you hard in the head, knocking you back to reality.

Why did it hurt to see him like that?

Why did you even care? What did it matter to you?

You always knew. Heeseung was the biggest player on campus, but somehow you didn't know why you expected him to differ from his reputation. You had seen him on campus with his hands around a girl’s waist before, so why did it hurt you so much to see him today?

Ryujin stood on the side, this time her mouth hanging wide open. What did she just witness? She knew her best friend, she read you like an open book, and she understood every expression and twitch in your facial expression. She had just witnessed her best friend’s heart shattering into pieces.

ENTRY LOG #3

Fuck Lee Heeseung. He isn’t kind, nor does he have any redeeming qualities. He isn’t someone to pursue if you're looking for something long-term. He’s an absolute jerk who lies through his teeth and he — it doesn’t matter. Yeeun should give up on him. He’ll just hurt her in the end.

Entry logs were supposed to be professional.

No feelings were supposed to be involved.

You dreaded your next meeting with Yeeun. Once again, you had nothing positive to report to her. You had been labeled the most professional member of the club, yet you failed to deliver any actual substance. Maybe this was a sign to quit the club once and for all. You would have to pull out your logbook full of scribbles and curse words at your client’s love interest.

It was unprofessional of you. But the only main issue was your feelings.

Why the heck did your heart drop to the pit of your stomach when you saw Heeseung the other night? It wasn’t like you two had anything going on — you knew that for sure. But then why did his expression fall into utter fear when he saw you on his own doorstep? Why did he feel the need to explain? Wasn’t this one of his normal, frequent activities? If so, why did his eyes yearn to apologize?

Snap out of it. You had to bring yourself back to reality.

What mattered now was that Heeseung was your client’s love interest and nothing mattered more other than getting them together — even if he was a jerk. You had no responsibility for how relationships would grow and break after your service. Frankly, you got them together, and that’s all that mattered. It wasn’t your fault if they ended up breaking up, because that was something you couldn’t control.

“I’ll just do what I always do,” you mumbled, shaking your head as you watched the faint movement of the clock. “Get them together. The end. No strings attached.”

There were five more minutes until your meeting with Yeeun, but surprisingly, the knock at your door came earlier than expected. She was smiling yet again, this time holding a set of sweet frappuccinos in her hand. The girl had an insane amount of manners. She stood outside the door even if she already knew you were fine with her bargaining in. She respected your privacy and only entered when you gave her a slight nod.

“Yn, you won’t guess what happened!” Yeeun squealed, placing the two diabetes-inducing drinks on the table. “I wanted to tell you as soon as possible, but I remembered ‌ that I didn’t have your number and had no actual other way to reach you.”

There was a strict rule in the whole “cupid’s service.” The relationship between you and your client would remain professional throughout the duration of your assistance. They would have no access to any of your personal information, and neither did you. The only thing you had to keep in contact with was your weekly scheduled meetings.

“What can be so exciting? You're all giddy!” In all honesty, you never understood the girl’s positivity. It was as if she was shielded by a ray of pure golden sunshine for her entire life. Darkness was a concept that strayed away from her, never crossing paths.

“Heeseung invited me to his party!” Yeeun chirped. “It was a personal invitation, too! He asked for my number and sent me the time and address! Do you think he likes me back? I mean, he invited me personally!”

Your smile immediately turned downwards at the mention of Heeseung. You found it odd that even after all the claims about him and his flings, she wouldn't slowly lose interest and move on. Instead, the girl only saw him as a knight in shining armor, who would walk with her in that path of purity, that ray of sunshine.

But she was delusional.

Forcing the best answer you could, you awkwardly closed your log book filled with pages of slander. “Uh, oh wow Yeeun! I'm so happy for you.” What more could you say? Heeseung invited anyone who wanted to attend his parties. There was no such thing as private invitations—

Unless…

Right, you had to be positive. This was your best chance at getting them together. “You should go, a hundred percent. You said he invited you, right? So he’ll probably want to see you there! We should decide on your outfit together.”

“Right!” Yeeun giggled in agreement. “Oh but Yn, I need to request another favour.”

Already scrolling through an online store catalog, you stopped to glance back at Yeeun, who had an almost apologetic expression plastered on her face. “The tone of your voice has me worried a bit. But go ahead, what's up?”

“I’m sorry, but could you please come to the party with me? All my friends are absolutely against the idea and I don’t want to be going to an unfamiliar place alone. I thought maybe since you’ve probably never been, we could navigate it together? Also, isn’t it best to go with a friend?”

Your mind immediately flashed back to the other night, standing in front of Heeseung’s doorway. An unfamiliar place? Yeah, you wished you could agree. “Yeeun, I’m sorry but,” You had to avoid this party at all costs.

Because you wanted to keep the relationship between you and Yeeun professional? That’s only what you told yourself.

You didn’t want to see him again. You didn’t even want to lay your eyes on the boy for a second.

“I get you wanna keep everything professional, but I really need your help! Just this once, I promise! Next time, I promise I won’t bother you about something like this again! You’ve just been so helpful and I really find comfort in you. Plus, maybe you could assist me with getting Heeseung there, right?”

Maybe she had a thing for rambling.

“Yeeun, I’m honored that you find comfort in me, but this is really something I cannot do for you. I can give you tips and I could also help you find a dress, or heck, even purchase one for you, but physically attending? That’s something I can’t do.” You spoke sternly, hoping she’d get the idea.

“But who’s gonna take me home? What if he invites me to drink? I can’t say no to him, and even worse, I can’t drive back under the influence!” Her eyebrows furrowed. She was getting more desperate.

“Then I’ll give you my number. You can call me and I’ll pick you up.”

“But that’s unprofessional!” Yeeun retorted. “I’m gonna have a hard time navigating this new environment. Could you just help me? Please?”

At this point, you knew the girl wasn’t going to back out until you accepted her request. Maybe you wouldn’t even see him. You could just drop her off and stick around outside and make up some random excuse that you're carsick. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. “Okay fine. But this time only.”

“Fingers crossed,” She giggled, standing up from her chair. “I’ll head off now since I have other plans! But we can meet here Friday night, I’ll pick you up. Make sure to bring your drivers license though! You’ll probably be the one driving us back! Oh yeah, and this drink is for you. I was going to bribe you with it but I’m glad it didn’t resort to it.” She waved at you before pushing her way out of your office.

Wow. Did she really think a cheap drink could buy your favour?

You were slowly losing respect for her. Who knew someone this smart could be so stupid in the real world. Being book smart doesn’t define your intelligence whatsoever.

Friday came faster than you expected and with a blink of an eye, you were sitting in the passenger seat of Yeeun’s silver Lexus that smelled as if it was brand new. They were going to a party, so why would she drive out her new car? It was a night of chaos and her perfectly painted car was a hundred percent prone to scratches, bumps and, worse off them all, vomit. Rolling down the windows, you stuck your face in the fresh air, attempting to mask the overwhelming smell of fresh leather. You dreaded this day, but somehow Yeeun didn’t seem to care one bit.

“Thank you so much for picking out a dress for me, Yn!” Yeeun broke the silence while keeping her eyes on the path ahead of her. “I’m glad we found an outfit suitable for you too! Your dress is really cute, but it doesn’t over shine mine, which is probably a good idea since I need to be the main highlight today.”

You had grown to realize that Yeeun wasn’t shy at all. She just needed time opening up and conveying her true thoughts. No wonder her works were all filled with complex feelings and a wide range of emotions. She didn’t have anywhere to convey her own, so writing them out was probably the most convenient for her. Yeeun was comfortable with you now, and that obliterated any filter she had masking her feelings. “Of course.” You awkwardly chuckled, staring back at the blurred silhouettes of landscapes passing by.

“We’re almost there,” Yeeun spoke again. “I can’t wait to see him! What do you think he’ll be wearing? Ripped jeans? A leather jacket? What do you think it is?”

“Definitely not a loose fitting flannel.” You blurted out, eyes still trained on the oddly shaped traffic light in the distance.

“Huh? A loose flannel? Why would that even come to mind?” Yeeun questioned. “Do you like when people wear oversized flannels?”

You choked, slightly coughing at her response. “No, it was just a random thought.”

A random thought?

No.

You still despised Heeseung for his flannel that told you everything. The way his face fell pale and the way he wanted to “explain.” Nothing made sense to you, and your thoughts were still tightly wrapped around that night.

Nothing made sense — not even your own feelings.

You didn’t know why you were so bothered and so angry at the boy. Every time you saw him after that night, your eyes would immediately dart away, fleeing his presence. He would attempt to run after you, but he would constantly lose your trail.

“Well, look at that. I can already hear the music and we’re only a block away.” Yeeun broke the silence once again.

“You might want to park your car around here,” you suggested. “It would be best if we walked over there instead. You wouldn’t want your car getting damaged by drunk students, would you?”

You were right, and Yeeun nodded happily. Complying with your suggestion, she pulled over, parking in front of a lawn, away from anyone’s garage lane. The housing was rather sparse in the area and none of the neighbors seemed to be bothered by the intense booming music coming from the party. Yeeun checked once again if her windows were rolled up completely before getting out of her car. Swiftly following her, you stepped out of the door from your side. You hadn’t even gone into the house, but you could already feel your soul leaving your body. You despised loud, chaotic environments — especially parties.

Yeeun scurried over to you, linking her arm with yours. “Isn’t this so exciting? Let’s find Heeseung as soon as we enter, okay?”

You squinted at her before reassuring her with a sarcastic smile. “Um, actually, I’m a little carsick. I think I’ll stay outside for a while.”

“No, you can’t do that!” She whined, shooting you an accusing pout. “At least greet him with me first. I told him I was gonna bring a plus one. You can go anywhere you want after.”

Demanding and inconsiderate. You had figured that she was just as stubborn as Heeseung.

“Fucking kind facade.” You mumbled under your breath, clearing your throat in the process.

“What?” Yeeun questioned with the same innocent eyes she had looked at you with the first time you two had met.

“Oh nothing, let’s go in.” You smiled.

Yeeun didn’t ask further questions. Blinded by her eagerness, she pulled you into the loud atmosphere littered with red plastic cups and confetti. The music was earsplitting, only making it possible to hear each other if you spoke up. “Shall we head to the main living room area? I heard he’s usually there with his friend group.” Yeeun attempted to shout over the music, covering her ears in the process. The speakers were right at the door, so maybe this was the reason the music overpowered.

You nodded hesitantly, and the girl didn’t waste a single second, dragging you further past the groups of students playing beer pong. Their drunken cheers of victory enticed you more than wherever the heck Yeeun was dragging you to.

“Oh, shit.” The shorter girl halted. “I see him.”

“Damn, do you have twenty, twenty vision or something? Because I can’t see shit.” You spoke with a lack of enthusiasm.

Yeeun turned around, facing you as she fidgeted with her fingers. “Do you see him over there? He’s surprisingly not wearing anything shockingly fashionable, but he still looks so good.” She gushed, looking down at her feet.

Once again, she reminded you. No matter how her personality took a turn, her feelings towards him were still the same — innocent and pure. She liked him a lot, and you could tell from the way her eyelashes fluttered as she spotted him.

Titling your head to the left, you looked in the direction where Yeeun was last staring. You spotted him almost immediately. He stood against a wall, one hand in his pocket and the other holding the same plastic red cup you had seen everyone with. Yeeun was right. He was dressed rather effortlessly, but he was still attractive. He wore a plain white t-shirt tucked neatly in his black straight-fit pants. His hair was styled and neatly parted, however, unlike regular days, more of his forehead was exposed today. He looked mature, unlike his daily boy-ish looks. “Well, it’s your chance. Go up to him.” You encouraged, trying your best to feel the same excitement Yeeun had felt.

“Crap, he looks so good. I don’t know if I’ll be able to say anything. What if I get tongue twisted? You’ll help me, right?” Yeeun panicked slightly, her eyes darting everywhere.

You gave the girl another reassuring nod. How many times would you have to reassure her today? “Yeah, just go up to him.”

Yeeun took a few breaths in and out, calming herself. “Okay, let me reorient myself.”

With Yeeun still facing away from Heeseung, you stole another glance at the group he was standing with. You spotted Sunghoon, the puppy looking boy and the other boy with the sharp features. You had recognized them from the rugby game, as their faces weren’t the easiest to forget. Before you could divert your attention back to the panicking Yeeun, your eyes met a familiar pair of inky dark eyes. Through his hooded lids, Heeseung looked up at you from the rim of the plastic cup he was drinking out of. He held eye contact, his gaze piercing right through you.

Instead of looking away, you stared back at him. Your surroundings seemed to disperse into nothingness as you fell deeper into his gaze that devoured all light with its intensity. You felt your stomach flip inside out as the boy kept his gaze trained on you.

How could he be so confident after that incident?

He really felt nothing, huh?

“Yn? Yn?” Yeeun was already snapping her fingers at your dazed expression. “What are you looking at? You’re making me more nervous.”

“Oh shit. I'm sorry, I didn’t mean it.” You stammered, forcing another one of your fake smiles.

Yeeun rolled her eyes. “You’re constantly zoning out today, but I’ll let it go since you’re helping me out.” Maybe the girl had felt a sudden surge of confidence because she was now holding onto your wrist, pulling you towards the group of boys. She stopped right in front of the four of them and cleared her throat, signaling for their attention. You stood behind the girl, attempting to divert your attention back to the kids playing beer pong.

“Oh? Who’s this?” The puppy looking boy spoke in an amused tone. “I’ve never seen you before. Are you new here?”

“Wow shut up bro, ask for her name first.” The boy with the sharper features stated.

You could see Yeeun fidgeting with the helm of her skirt. Heeseung wasn't even looking at the anxious girl in front of him. Instead, his eyes were glued on you, who seemed concerned about Yeeun’s nervous state.

“Oh wait,” Sunghoon pushed Yeeun slightly, moving her off to the side. He was moving towards you. “You, you’re Yn aren’t you? Ryujin’s friend.”

You lifted your gaze up to meet Sunghoon’s amused stare. Shit. Yeeun looked pissed. She had been completely disregarded by the boys, and Heeseung didn’t even seem to recognize her. “Oh yeah, hi.” You responded dryly.

“Oh wait, you’re Yn?” the puppy boy spoke again. “Heeseung mentioned you before, isn’t that right?” He nudged his friend on the shoulder, indulging in the conversation Sunghoon had established with you.

Your gaze found Heeseung once again. He didn’t speak. His face sat emotionless, void of any sort of reaction as he leaned back against the wall, sipping on his drink without responding to Jake.

“Sorry, he’s been a little out of it recently, I apologize for—"

“Doesn’t matter.” You blurted out. “Um, this is my friend Yeeun. She was invited by one of you, I’m assuming? She just wanted to say hi.” You wanted to avoid saying Heeseung’s name at all costs.

The boys looked at each other, confused. “Uh, I don’t think any of us invited her.” The boy with the sharper features spoke again, further extending his apologetic tone.

“I did.” Heeseung finally spoke up. “Well, she practically begged me to invite her. She bothered me about it for the whole lecture and she just couldn’t stop going on about how she wished she could be at my game. She kept batting her eyelashes at me as if her stupid falsies could seduce me or something. It was kind of sad, honestly. Actually, it’s embarrassing, seeing someone try so hard just to get notice—“

“What the fuck is your problem?” You viscously snapped at him. You could see Yeeun shaking slightly from the rude remarks Heeseung had thrown at her while inching close to her. He had taken someone’s genuine feelings and twisted them to sound like some obsession. You didn’t like Yeeun’s pushy attitude, but this was too much.

The other boys were stunned by your words, too scared to speak up. Yes, they had thought their friend had gone too far, but now that you spoke, there was no more room to intervene.

“What the fuck do you mean? What’s my problem?” Heeseung retorted. This time, his eyes burned with anger. He pushed his drink into Sunghoon’s grasp before pushing Yeeun to the side once again as he approached you.

“You can’t just say that about someone. Do you know how much your words can affect someone? Simply disregarding someone’s genuine feelings doesn’t make you cool. Just because you have a reputation doesn’t mean everyone fucking wants you. Stop acting so entitled because it’s gonna stab you in the back.” You hissed, ignoring how the room fell silent.

“Well, you know what? Your friend here seems to fucking want me, so your point isn’t getting through. She was practically drooling when she entered the fucking house.” Heeseung fired back.

He had already seen you two as soon as you both walked through the doors? Looking back at Yeeun, she shot you a venomous glare. You had completely ruined her chances with Heeseung, and now you were here arguing with him.

You were sick of this.

You had a feeling since day one, no one would walk out of this happy. You knew involving yourself would tangle up the situation, but you were already in too deep, trying to protect Yeeun’s image. Yet, she didn’t seem a tad thankful for your actions.

“Fuck this cupid shit.” You mumbled while scoffing. You didn’t know why Heeseung had targeted all his anger on you after he was the one who threw rude remarks at your friend. But more specifically, you didn’t know why he was so angry at you when he was the one caught in an unfortunate tango with some random girl. You remembered his apologetic eyes the first time he tried to explain. But now, all that was left was anger fuelling strongly in his heart. Maybe he just didn’t want you to tell everyone you had seen him that night and that’s why he tried to convince you with his sad eyes.

“You know what? Fuck you, all of you.” You fumed, turning around almost immediately. You didn’t want to be in this house for any second longer. Yeeun watched as you dashed out of the house, slamming the door in the process. She was pissed — pissed that you blew her chances.

“Yo, what the fuck is wrong with you today?” Sunghoon pushed the plastic cup back into Heeseung’s hand. “First you’re being irresponsive, now you’re being some actual fucking jerk. All this for what, huh? Apologize.”

Heeseung himself didn’t know what had gotten into him.

He had no reason to blow up in your face, nor did he have a reason to denounce Yeeun with such venomous remarks. He didn’t even know why he was so angry. The feeling that welled up in his stomach when he saw you enter the house with a smile on your face suffocated him. It’s not that he didn’t want to speak, he just couldn’t bring himself to.

“I need some fresh air.” Heeseung finally spoke up again, excusing himself from his confused friends, who only shouted at him to come back. Yeeun stood frozen, watching as the boy she so desired disappear into a crowd of people. He had ignored her presence first, made such negative remarks about her, and then, once again, disregarded her while leaving without a single apology. The rumors were lies. Heeseung wasn’t a swift player who swept people off their feet.

Instead, he was cruel and seemingly heartless. Yeeun’s view began to cloud and blur as tears welled up in her eyes.

…

Heeseung headed straight for the door. He once again felt the sudden urge to find you, to apologize for everything that had transpired this past week. You had looked at him with such disappointment. He felt a lump forming in his throat at the thought of you hating him. As soon as he made his way outside, the cold air sent shivers down his spine. Had it always been this cold? His gaze quickly darted in every direction, until he spotted you a block away, leaning against a car with your hands covering your face. Were you crying? But his words weren’t even directed towards you.

His trudge towards you felt almost painful as his feet grew heavier with every step. At this point, you had sensed someone coming in your direction. Looking up, you made direct eye contact with Heeseung, who stood frozen in front of you. You weren’t crying. Rather, you seemed frustrated, especially now in his presence. “Why the fuck are you here?” You spat, gaze piercing through his.

Heeseung’s eyes softened, erasing his lingering anger. He didn’t have the right to get angry with you in the first place, and now that he was alone with you, he no longer wanted to keep beefing. Swallowing the lump that reformed in his throat, Heeseung finally spoke up. “I’m here to apologize. Not just for today, but the other night, too.”

“What is there to apologize for?” You retorted.

You were afraid to break down in front of Heeseung.

You couldn’t let him know how devastated you had felt after you saw him the other night. Rather, you couldn’t even give him the slightest hint that you were affected by his actions.

You were right. What was there to apologize for? It’s not like he did anything wrong. But somehow the guilt was eating away at him. He didn’t want you to misunderstand his feelings.

His feelings?

“You’re right. There’s nothing to apologize for, but everyday we grow further apart. At this point, you’re practically avoiding me like I’m some plague.” Heeseung spoke.

He had caught you. Sure, you wanted to play it off like nothing had happened. But whenever you saw the boy, you couldn’t help but feel a sharp pang in your chest. Avoiding him was your only option. “I realized that I shouldn’t get close to you, since you’re my clients—”

Shit. You weren’t supposed to tell him.

“I mean. You’re um,” you struggled to make up an excuse. “You’re bad news. That’s what everyone says.”

“I know already. You don’t have to hide it.” Heeseung mumbled. “I knew that Yeeun girl was your client right when you spoke up for her. I was her target, huh? You’re tasked to bring us together. Is that why you distanced yourself?”

“Yeah, it’s not professional to have close relations with your client’s—“

“But what if I liked you?” Heeseung intervened. “What if I couldn’t go a fucking day without you?”

You were lost for words, and time seemed to stop at his sudden confession. What the heck did he just say?

“Yn, I don’t care for your fucking client or your stupid cupid services. I don’t care about professionalism, nor do I care about hurting Yeeun’s feelings. Every single time you avoided me or ignored me, I felt as if I was sinking deeper into a pit of lava. It fucking hurts. Do you know that? To see your expression drop into a cold hard stare as soon as we made eye contact.”

“Then why the fuck did you sleep with that girl if you liked me so much?!” You finally lashed out, demanding an answer.

His eyes widened, shocked by your words. Of course, he wanted to explain himself, but he didn’t expect you to blatantly ask him out of the blue. “That,” he hesitated. “I didn’t know how to handle my feelings. I don’t usually feel such a strong attachment to people, and I wanted to deny every last hint of my true feelings. I thought that maybe… I thought by getting with someone else, I’d forget about how I felt about you. But it was the complete opposite. The more I indulged in my old habits to erase you from my thoughts, the more empty I felt. The worst was the other night when you came knocking on my door. I couldn’t even process the situation. My mind just fell blank. I knew I wouldn’t be able to apologize without telling you everything. Yn I’m sorry. You probably don’t even fucking care, sorry for—“

“It hurt like shit. Did you know that?” This time, you were the one to cut him off. “You could’ve told me earlier.”

“But you were the one avoiding me.” Heeseung spoke with an innocent expression on his face.

He was right. You would never listen to his reasoning unless you came to terms with your own feelings. You would continue to ignore him until he got tired of trying.

You giggled softly. “You’re right. That was ridiculous for me to say.”

Heeseung’s frown finally curved up into a genuine smile, an unfamiliar sight. You were so used to his cocky grins and his sly smirks, you couldn’t help but admire the way the corner of his lips lifted ‌so effortlessly. “You’re finally smiling again. I missed it. I missed you.”

You stared at the boy, this time falling victim to his piercing gaze once again. You stood there frozen, unable to move, as Heeseung stared back at you with his inky eyes that appeared golden under the streetlight.

The both of you fell into the comfort of silence.

Falling deeper in his eyes, you barely noticed him inching closer to you, his breath fanning your lips. Not being able to process anything completely, you managed to hold your breath, squeezing your eyes shut at the proximity and the boy's staggering breath.

He was nervous.

He had never been nervous, but as he slowly leaned in, he could hear his own heartbeat ringing in his ears. You stood still, gripping onto the helm of your skirt as if you were holding on for dear life. Too scared to move, you didn’t know what to expect. But most importantly, you couldn’t even process what was transpiring between you two.

Was this wrong?

What were you doing?

Before your mind could wander into deeper analysis or questioning, you feel his soft lips press against yours. His movements were gentle, almost as if he could hurt you at any moment. His arms encase you as they both rest on the car behind you. Heeseung was afraid to hold you. In his eyes, you were as delicate as a feather, and just one touch would break you. He saw you as someone precious, non-deserving of his filthy hands.

Who even gave him the right to kiss you?

You, on the other hand, were lost in your own world as your mind swarmed and your heart raced. You liked Heeseung. You truly did. Your hands slowly crept away from your side, wanting to pull him closer to deepen the kiss, but before you could, he swiftly pulled away. His breaths remained unsteady as he saw your flushed face. “Shit, I’m sorry Yn. That was all of a sudden, I know.” He mumbled as his ears burned.

“Don’t apologize.” You blushed, reaching for his hand that fell to his side. Your pinky latched onto his pinky finger as you nervously looked down, avoiding his gaze.

“Does this count as you accepting my apology, then?” Heeseung spoke in an almost whispering tone.

Finally, looking up at the boy again, you gave him a reassuring smile as you hummed in response. Heeseung couldn’t help but smile like a fool, knowing you had felt the same about him.

You had accepted his apology and you didn’t push him away when he kissed you. Heeseung couldn’t be happier. What else could happen to steal his happiness away? Nothing else mattered anymore.

“Heeseung, where the fuck are you?” A voice echoed through the street. It was Sunghoon. He had come looking for his friend.

“Oh shit. I think I have to go.” Heeseung shot you an apologetic expression. “I’m so sorry Yn, I’ll see you on monday?”

You nodded, giving him another smile.

His hands left the comfort of yours as he turned away, heading back to the house.

Your pinkies were now detached from each other.

A promise would be broken.

The next weekend you spent, curdled up in your room, replaying your encounter in your head. What the heck had transpired? Heeseung had kissed you. And you did nothing to stop him. You buried your face in your palms as you blushed again. You felt as if you were on cloud nine. What could go wrong?

Maybe you had gotten ahead of yourself.

Your phone buzzed, shaking you out of your endless thought loop.

Yeeun: Yn. I don’t know what the heck happened that day and I don’t understand why you felt the need to speak up for me. If he was gonna slander me, then so be it. You failed. You fucking failed bringing us together, and you left me that night, alone. How can you even make up for all this? How could you do this? Where’s your fucking professionalism, huh? What are you gonna do now, huh?

You froze at Yeeun’s text. Part of you wanted to blame her for having no self-worth whatsoever. But in another sense, she was right. You were the sole reason she wasn’t able to get with who she wanted. You involved your own feelings into the mix, completely throwing everything off course. It was your fault for diverting Heeseung’s attention, and you knew you were wrong. It was stated clearly in the rules: you could never have personal relations with your client, or your client’s love interest — you had broken them both.

You let your emotions get the best of you when you intervened in the conversation, attempting to protect Yeeun, and most importantly, you had kissed Heeseung, completely enveloped in your own feelings. Your first mistake was accepting Yeeun’s invite to the party.

No. Your first mistake was getting involved with Lee Heeseung.

Your phone buzzed again.

Yeeun: Also, I hope you don’t think I’m dumb. I saw you. I saw you with him. I can’t believe you could do this to me — and you still preach professionalism? Cut the bullshit, Yn. You completely deceived me, and unless you want to deal with getting kicked out, I suggest you do something.

You didn’t care if you got kicked out, frankly it would probably be for the best if this would be the outcome of your requests. However, the main issue was your own guilt, that was picking away at you. You had lied and pretended to help someone. You had acted selfishly, only caring for your own emotions. The sole purpose of the Cupid consulting club was to prioritize your client’s feelings and help them in your best effort. You did none of that. You didn’t prioritize Yeeun, nor did you truly help her.

You shrunk back into your chair, contemplating what to do.

Yeeun was right.

You had to do something.

——

Heeseung was left confused once again. The boy was thrilled to see you after the weekend and it was all he could think about. His friends had also found his attitude weird, as they saw him randomly chuckle out of the blue. They didn’t ask questions, but they were happy he was finally out of his slump.

So why did he see you avoid his gaze once again, scurrying off to get away from him? He shook it off, thinking you were still nervous from the party incident, but as days flew by, you once again avoided him like he was some sick disease. What had he done so wrong now? He needed an answer.

He would not let you go so easily again.

“Yn.” You heard a shout from behind you. His familiar voice echoed through the empty hall, and as soon as you heard him, you wanted to dash for your life. “Can you just fucking stop? Why are you running?” The voice spoke again.

You knew if you turned around, your heart would shatter.

Right. This was for the best. You had to compose yourself.

“Yn what the fuck?” Heeseung garbled your wrist, turning you around to face him. “Why are you ignoring me again? After everything?”

You met his saddened eyes, filled to the brim with unexplainable emotions. You couldn’t bear seeing him like this, but his grip on your wrist only seemed to tighten as you attempted to wiggle out. “Let go of me.” You spat.

“What the fuck, Yn? You can’t just expect me to leave when you’re acting like this. I thought we talked this over already? Why are you acting like this, avoiding me?”

You sighed. Pushing your emotions back into your churning stomach. You hated this. You wanted to disappear.

“Stay away from me. I don’t care what you thought happened that day, but nothing did. Think of it as a mistake.” You blurted out. “No, actually, you’re Lee Heeseung, so think of it as your average fling.”

His face fell pale, all the emotions drained out by your words. “What did you just say?” He stammered.

“Do I have to make it any clearer?” You spoke again, this time struggling to keep your voice steady. “That day meant nothing to me.”

Heeseung felt as if he had been punched relentlessly in the stomach. He had poured out all his emotions to you and for the first time; he felt comfortable and content with someone. But now you were standing in front of him, each word piercing him slowly but deeply. You gave the boy a taste of his own medicine unknowingly, and all he could do was beg you to stay. “Yn, you don’t mean it.”

The more the conversation dragged on, the more you felt yourself waver in your emotions.

You wanted to drop this act, but you knew what had to be done.

“I do. You meant nothing to me. All your actions made me laugh. How could you fall for someone just because they didn’t show interest in you at the beginning? You’re truly pathetic.”

That was a lie and your words continued to thrust him deeper into agony. Sure, Heeseung enjoyed the chase, but he would drop anyone without batting an eye if they weren’t showing any interest. He thought he would feel the same about you, but his feelings proved him wrong. “If this is all an act for your stupid client, drop it. I told you already that I don’t care about your client, and if this is for her, I won’t accept it.”

He had caught you red-handed, but there was no turning back.

“No, I fucking despise you. Everything about you pisses me off to the core, especially your habits. Your habits are absolutely disgusting” At this point, you now involved your own insecurities into this. You hated his sweet words because at the back of your head you feared he was lying and you hated his habits, mainly because you were afraid he would never be truly content with you.

But none of that mattered.

Because you were never supposed to involve your own emotions in the first place.

Heeseung grabbed your shoulders, pulling you close to him. His grip tightened, breathing in slowly as he pressed his eyes shut in frustration. “Yn, fucking look at me in the eyes and tell me that there was nothing between us. Look into my eyes and tell me everything was a lie.” His voice wavered, cracking at the end of his sentence.

You took the last bit of courage you had and looked up at the boy, whose eyes were now begging you to tell him that it wasn’t a lie. “Did you not hear me the first time?” You spoke in the steadiest voice you could muster up. “You meant absolutely nothing to me, and you never will. In my heart, you amount to nothing.”

His grip on your shoulders loosened as they fell to his side in pure terror. Backing away, his hands began to quiver and his breaths grew unsteady. Never in his life did he ever think he’d experience the absolute horror of a heartbreak. He had cruised through his life, breaking hearts left and right, but never did he think he’d find himself on the verge of breaking down.

“Heeseung, it’s over. Whatever exchange we had, ends here. Don’t approach me or even look in my direction ever again.”

And that’s all it took.

That’s all it took to break Lee Heeseung, the boy who grew up engulfed by praises — the “careless” jerk, who was immune to tears and deemed “unbreakable.”

That’s all it took.

“Yn,” He croaked out, his voice still wavering. “Even if you shoved me deep into the pits of hell, I would still crawl back to you. Even if my legs were severed, I’d still claw my way back to you. Don’t you understand?” He paused.

“I fucking love you.”

Your heart fell to the pit of your stomach. You understood. You wanted to embrace him, to apologize, and to comfort him.

But you knew.

Cupid’s law number one: Never fall in love.

You were a matchmaker. You had no place involving your own emotions.

You were a matchmaker with the sole purpose of bringing others together.

But you ruined it.

You ruined it for everyone.

You had to swallow that bitter pill and acknowledge your wrongdoings. You had to come face to face with it all, and accept that you had failed.

You had fallen in love.

And in the process, you broke people for the sake of your own happiness.

There was a reason why rules were set, and you never knew the severity of following them until now.

You let your emotions get the best of you, and that’s where it all spiraled downwards.

You didn’t have the right to love; you were undeserving of it.

And if it meant breaking Heeseung’s heart to make up for your wrongdoings, you would gladly do so, no matter how badly it hurt.

For the sake of others.

You had to let go.

“I’m sorry.”

———————————————————————————————————

A/N: oml hi bff! You’ve made it through this word vomit. Hello, but I’m so honored that you even survived till the end. Editing this, plus blr acting up took like 5 hours I wanna cry. But anyways, thank you so much for reading! This is my first official one-shot, so feel free to leave your feedback and thoughts! I would love to read all of them. But again, thank you so much for reading ilyyy

©seungstarss

Do not copy or steal!

3K notes · View notes

stargirl-int3rlud3 · 6 months

Text

𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐇𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧.

satoru gojo x fem! reader

🗯! swearing, slightly suggestive, parenting, child megumi & tsumiki, cute halloween couple-y things !

synopsis; gojo has a fun packed day for your guys' first halloween with megumi and tsumiki and he just can't wait. — ♡ ᵎᵎ

Usually, you and Gojo's shared apartment was only lightly littered with a few Halloween decorations, but this year was completely different. You had spent hours during Megumi and Tsumiki being at school to decorate every inch of the apartment. Even though you were exhausted by the time they got home, the look of pure amazement at the sight of the decoration was far greater than any tiredness. It was even better when Gojo got home and the look of shock flashed across his face.

"My love? Did you do all of this by yourself?" Gojo asks you, nuzzling his nose in the crook of your neck as you finish up cooking dinner.

"Yeah, I figured I should for the kids" You tell him as you scratch his scalp with your free hand.

"I could've helped you" He kisses your jawline, making you want to melt

"It's fine Satoru, I handled it"

After that Gojo tries his best to make sure you are doing as little as possible. You're the love of his life, his princess, so of course you were going to get princess treatment. Megumi needed a costume, Gojo's driving him to the nearest Halloween store. Tsumiki needed help carving her pumpkin, Gojo's there in an instant. The only thing you got to help with is to make treats for Megumi and Tsumiki's Halloween parties at school and that was because Gojo nearly burned down the entire apartment complex when he tried. It was cute to see Gojo shuffle into your room with his head hung asking you to help him with the baking.

Gojo did everything to make this Halloween special for you and the two Fushiguro siblings.

Then came the night of Halloween. Tsumiki was dressed as a witch and Megumi was dressed as a zombie. Gojo pleaded and insisted that you and him go as Dracula and his wife, when you agreed he practically shot through the roof. Even more so now that you were actually wearing the costume. His eyes hadn't left you for the past 7 minutes and you were sure he had started drooling.

"Close your mouth, 'Toru, you're going to catch flies" You snicker at him.

"I can't help it, hun, you're just so stunning" Gojo wraps his arm around your waist, trailing wet kisses down your neck.

You scrunch your fingers into his white locks, biting your bottom lip. Suddenly, the door to you and Gojo's room is opened by none other than Megumi. You almost immediatly notice, pulling away from Gojo to go right to Megumi's side. Leaving Gojo to pout and glare at the young boy. You follow Megumi out of the room as Gojo grumbles to himself.

Watching Megumi and Tsumiki race each other to the houses as Gojo had his arm tightly wrapped around your waist, keeping you close to him. It made a warm feeling bubble in your chest as you looked up at Gojo.

" 'Toru, I'm so glad we took them in" You sigh, placing your head on his shoulder.

"Me too, even if they take you away from me at times" He smiles as you pinch his side.

"Ouchie!!" He pouts at you.

Megumi and Tsumiki had begun to get tired so you were on your way back to the apartment. You carry Megumi in your arms as he softly snores into your shoulder while Tsumiki tightly holds onto Gojo's hand, a sight that made you fall even more in love with Gojo.

On the walk home a woman has stopped the four of you.

"I'm so sorry to stop you, but I just wanted to say how adorable it is that you went out and dressed up with your children. You guys must be the best parents to these little cuties" The woman's words made your heart soar and Gojo could see that written on your face.

Her words stayed with you even after you had tucked Megumi and Tsumiki into bed and were on your way to bed yourself.

You pulled the covers over yourself before turning to Gojo who was already looking over at you, "Do you think we'd make good parents?"

"I think...we already do make good parents" Gojo kisses the temple of your head with love in his eyes.

☆ | HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! i wanted to post something for halloween so here it is, i hope you enjoyed!!

#luv₊˚꒰🩰꒱‧#halloween #jjk #jjk halloween #jjk x reader #gojou satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #jjk gojo x reader #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jjk gojo #jjk gojo satoru

75 notes · View notes

bookishjules · 2 months

Note

Im so excited for bib but sad to not see any tid couples other than wessa, what do you think could have been good stories of them?

gabrily:

i know i mentioned this in my last ask about them but gabriel and cecily figuring out their footing as a couple would have made a great story. if gabrily was a romcom, we kinda just got the first half of their story in tid, and it would have been cool to see some kind of friction arise between them that they would have come out all the stronger for.

as much as it would hurt, i also think there's a good story to be found in the aftermath of chot. being parents and shadowhunters wouldn't always allow people the time and space to grieve and heal and learn how to cope, and i think it would be something special to see them find solace in each other. it would also be interesting to see how the way they look at little alexander changes, since he's in the very unique position of being brought up in that aftermath.

on a lighter note... gabrily proposal!! since edmund and linette are still like.. in their lives to at least some extent, do we think gabriel would have done the respectful 1880s gentlemanly thing to do and talk to her parents first? also the potential for cecily to give that proposal a 10.. i would cry.

chenry:

their first time after realizing they were in love with each other the whole time. i really don't need to add any details here hehe makes me aksdfadsjk just thinking about it.

their first time after henry becomes a paraplegic. the self-consciousness on his part, his insistence that charlotte deserves better, will always deserve better than him. charlotte being like fuck that, we'll figure this out. and then they do and it's sweet there's laughter and love just threaded throughout

it would be great to see them as parents when the boys were young too (and i swear that's not just because imagining baby matthew makes me inexplicably happy). just finding moments to look at each other and smile, or sneak away for a quiet moment together away from the busy-ness of being the consul's family with the chaos of raising two very different boys who definitely got on each other's nerves.

sophideon:

there are two stories in my head that are similar to ones above but i think would also be good for sophie and gideon. the first is how they handle grief post chog. and the second is their young family. i think a story about them just laying in bed discussing their kids would be so sweet.

as for more specifically gideon and sophie stories... their wedding would be wonderful i think. sophie being the one whose doted on for once, the one having her hair done up by charlotte and tessa, and how out of place that would feel for her. gideon getting nervous not because of cold feet but because sophie is the closed thing to an angel he's ever seen. he's such a silly-in-love lightwood and watching him walk down the aisle with gabriel and stand beside sophie would be beautiful.

the two of them moving into a house together in idris. i feel like this could have a lot of potential generally, but there's this specific kind of moment i'm thinking of where sophie is cleaning out of habit and gideon either joins her or takes over for her, telling her to relax, or to read to him if she insists on doing something useful. there's so much tenderness that could spark from that.

#i never thought jessa was gonna get a story bc we do have so much for them already so i didn't consider them but lmk if you want me to!#also i feel you. like i love wessa soso much and i'm glad they're there but tid definitely got the short end of the stick here #asks #anon <3 #tsc #tid #gabrily #sophideon #chenry #gabriel lightwood #cecily herondale #sophie collins #gideon lightwood #charlotte branwell #henry fairchild #better in black #the shadowhunter chronicles

17 notes · View notes

jelzorz · 1 year

Text

138.

Callum learns about romance from watching his parents.

They're pretty gross, actually, but it's a nice kind of gross. Callum likes the way his mom smiles when his step-dad kisses her cheek, and Mom always looks so pleased with herself when Harrow rolls his eyes at whatever stupid meme she's tagged him in this time. (Seriously. They're adults.)

They love each other, obviously, and Harrow's a bit old fashioned in some ways, but Callum learns about how to romance someone from watching them. It's in the dumb jokes, and the words of affirmation, and the unwavering, unflinching support no matter how stupid Mom thinks Harrow's latest decision is. It's in the playful food fights, and the way Harrow pulls Mom's chair out for her even if they're just having dinner at home, and in the way they laugh together, even about the bad things, so of course, that's how Callum treats Rayla.

It's a pretty good partnership. Rayla never expects any big romantic gestures, and hanging out together is more than enough, but Callum can't help it. There are certain things he wants to be special: their first date, the way he asks her to the spring dance, the dinner they have when Rayla wins gold at a gymnastics meet, and, of course, the night that they decide to... go all the way.

It's convenient because his mom and dad and Ezran will be away that weekend, and Callum and Rayla have been together for a couple of years now that, y'know, it just feels right. What doesn't feel right is the way Harrow knocks on his bedroom door just before they leave looking a little uneasy, a little perturbed, but determined all the same.

"Do you mind if we talk?"

Callum blinks. "Uh. Sure," he says, stepping aside to let his stepfather into his room. He and Mom have never been particularly strict about keeping his room clean, but he still piles all of the stuff on his desk into a little stack of paper away from the bed where Harrow takes a seat. Callum plonks into his desk chair and waits.

Harrow takes a breath. "Look, son," he begins. His voice sounds a little strangled. "Your mother and I... we trust you. You're smart. You're a gentleman. We're very proud of the young man you've become. I just want... to talk about this weekend."

Callum almost laughs. "Dad, it'll be fine. It's not like you've never gone away before."

"That's true," says Harrow. "But... you didn't have a girlfriend the last time we left you alone for the weekend."

There's a pause. Callum blinks again before the implication hits him. He stiffens. He flushes. He looks away. "I--uh--Dad, nothing--uhm--I wasn't--"

Harrow shakes his head. "You don't have to explain yourself," he says. "You're growing up. You'll get there one day or another, and I--we--your mother and I--we just want you to be safe."

"Dad, seriously, we weren't--"

"Weren't you?"

Harrow raises an eyebrow at him, and Callum can't find it in himself to lie, even if it makes everything worse. Harrow, to his credit, only chuckles awkwardly and rubs at the back of his neck. "You'll find what you need in the bathroom," he says. "I won't--uh--impose on you any more than that. Just--um. Be safe. Communicate. Make sure you both enjoy it."

"Dad."

"Right. Yes." Harrow coughs and claps his hands together. "All right well. Have a good weekend."

Somehow the well-wishing makes it more mortifying, but Harrow only smiles encouragingly and takes his leave. Callum sits at his desk wondering if he's been put off or if he's just horrified that that conversation happened.

When Rayla comes by that weekend, Callum makes her dinner, and they watch a movie, and he even pops a bottle of non-alcoholic wine that it turns out they both hate. Then things get cosy and heated, and Callum ducks into the bathroom to find the items his stepdad left in the drawer by the sink.

The memory of it almost embarrasses him out of this, but love is in the actions: in the way that Harrow hadn't made fun of him, hadn't drawn it out, hadn't embarrassed him anymore than that conversation had. And as mortifying as it was...

Callum's just glad he's got a dad that cares about him that much.

#this was supposed to be a valentines day thing #oops #happy v day!#in anticipation #rayllum #what im a parent #in this house we believe in healthy open discussion

65 notes · View notes

mirageofadesert · 7 months

Text

C-Drama Review: My Journey to You

Broadcast: iQIYI, 2023, 24 Episodes Genre: Romance, Wuxia

My Rating 7/10

A beautiful show with a promising premise, ultimately disappointing with a poorly realized asynchronous story-telling and unsatisfactory ending.

Acting: 6/10 World-building: 7/10 Production: 9/10 Storytelling: 4/10 Pacing: 7/10 Re-watch Value: 6/10 Bonus: for Jolin Jin's and Tian Jiarui's characters. One of my favorite big sister and little brother!

Summary with minor spoilers: My Journey to You tells the story of two assassins, Yun Weishan (played by Yu Shuxin) and Shangguan Qian (played by Lu Yuxiao), who are sent to infiltrate an enemy sect territory, the Gong residence, disguised as potential brides. However, their respective objectives are in conflict with each other, and so are their targets. They encounter two very different young masters and their respective families. Young Master Gong Ziyu (played by Zhang Linghe) surprisingly attains the title of Sword Wielder of the Gong family, but faces accusations about the legitimacy of this status and title. Only by completing three challenges can he prove himself and take up his family's legacy. He falls in love with Yun Weishan early on, meanwhile Shangguan Qian future husband Gong Shang Jue (played by Cheng Lei) distrusts his new bride. In a balancing act, she must win his trust without revealing her true intentions. Thus begins a dangerous game, wherein the lines between friend and foe are blurred. The price? Freedom from the oppressing employers - and their own survival.

My review - spoilers ahead!

The show started out incredible promising: A captivating premise, a darker tone in both cinematography and theme, beautiful sets and costumes, decent special effects and a different voice for Esther Yu. And while the show had great moments, it overall failed to deliver what it promised. So what went wrong?

The short version is that the show suffered from the typical shortcoming: mediocre acting, misguided directing and bad writing.

Esther Yu and Zhang Ling He never stood out to me as particularly great actors, and this holds true in this show as well. However, I don't think the problem with My Journey to You can be blamed on their unconvincing acting, but is rather a product of the direction the writing took them.

The tension arcs get boring really fast: Again and again the female leads are in danger of being exposed (or better: exposing themselves), but by the third time it doesn't feel exciting anymore. The other major plot line is the conflict surrounding the succession of the sword wielder title, which I was never able to care about. I think a different story-line for the ML would have greatly benefited the drama. Trying to make the audience care about him by putting a lot of emphasis on his hard childhood early on in the show, didn't work, because it felt so irrelevant compared to the backstories of the other characters. It didn't give him depth, it actually took it away. Therefore, the dynamic between the main couple wasn't working either - she was too cold, he was too immature for them to create any interesting chemistry.

The second couple not only had the better written characters, their storyline had more suspense. I have seen mainly Esther Yu being criticized for this drama, so my potentially controversial opinion is, that it's actually the fault of the dull main storyline and the bland ML.

The other big problem are the poorly build-up plot twists. Some of these plot twists themselves were great, like the switch of the medical document and the death of the little sister. While these were great plot points, the narrative build-up wasn't. In retrospect, it made sense we got so much information about the MLs unhappy childhood and complex relationship with his parents, because that build-up both to the medical record swap and the betrayal of the older brother, however... it was just done in such an annoying way, that it made the ML look unnecessary whiny and the storyline boring.

As the show progressed, they increasingly used the element of time-jumps and flashbacks to tell the story. There should have been a better way to deliver tension and twists, than constantly making jumps in order to catch the audience off guard. Part of the fun in mysteries like this is to make guesses while watching, but that only goes so far, when it is all in the editing and crucial information is simply being withheld. And what made this even worse, it that the final plot twist (e.g. the brother coming back) was so predictable, all the asynchronous story-telling wasn't even necessary!

Worst of all was the ending: A twin sister out of nowhere? A villain that was poorly build up? No resolution for the second couple? A cliffhanger for a next season that does not fit the tone of the first 23 episodes and is unlikely to ever happen? Frustrating.

It wasn't all bad: The supporting cast was great. Ryan Cheng, Jolin Jin and Tian Jiarui were amazing! The dynamics between all the other couples were engaging as well. Gong Zishang was my favorite comic relief in any cdrama, and she gave the whole show such a unique vibe! Tian Jiarui's character was right done my alley - I just love my twisted little psychopath in emotional turmoil!

Just one last thought ... please no more Chen Duling? She has been in most shows I have watched this summer and has failed to charm me every time. She is a decent actress, but the type casting of "sad, whiny girl" isn't doing her any favors.

Overall, I think this was a decent drama. I still would recommend you to watch this show, especially if you value intriguing characters over plot!

#my journey to you #cdrama #cdrama review

10 notes · View notes

kingsdespair-if · 8 months

Text

King's Despair: In a Heartbeat - Short Stories. 5.

[Veleena Heredon]

What Lies Beneath The Calm Waters

Beneath the calm waters, lies a world teeming with mystery. The serene surface of the water hides the bustling activity happening below. Buried beneath the surface, emotions remain suppressed and unheard. A solitary heart's cries are muffled by the calm waters.

You better learn how to swim.

The sun is just starting to rise on the horizon, yet Veleena has already been awake for hours. She diligently tends to her bruised knuckles and sore fists, watching as drops of blood fall to the floor. However, the pain from her bruises and open wounds no longer bothers her. It has been years since she last felt any physical discomfort enough to make her cry or even whimper. Her skin has grown so numb from countless hours of training, stabbing, and beatings that she no longer feels anything.

She lifts her eyes to the sky, observing the fading stars in the sunlight. Her father's words echo in her mind, reminding her of a fundamental truth. "The brightest light will always overpower the weakest light, just as the strongest will always overpower the weakest," he tells her. "You must become stronger, but not surpass your brother. You were born to obey, to serve and protect him. He is the future King, the reason for your existence. Never forget that."

And forget, she could not. She had tried countless times before to find another purpose in life, something to fill the emptiness within her. She pleaded with the gods, begging for anything. But her prayers went unanswered. Of course, why would they? She was not special, not unique, just slightly more than useless.

If the day comes when she can no longer wield a sword, throw daggers and shoot arrows with perfect aim, or if her target spots her before her blade strikes, or if she loses her sight, hearing, or even her sense of smell, she will lose everything. Losing the ability to serve her brother or falling into disgrace and no longer wearing the Royal Guard emblem would reduce her to nothing. She would be mere dust, or worse.

Her father constantly belittled her until the day she thwarted an assassin's attempt on her brother's life. She vividly recalls the feeling of her blade piercing deep into the assassin's abdomen. The scent of his terror, his blood dripping from the wound, her hands stained crimson, his desperate eyes begging for divine intervention. Yet, no deity heeded his call, just as they had ignored her many times before. For he was only prey playing pretend, while she was a predator protecting her master, and no smaller creature would ever harm her master. That's what she's been trained to do, and that is what she will do. Even if it takes all her strength, even if it takes her life. She will not fail her task, for she was born for it. Her only reason to be alive is to protect her brother, the Crown Prince.

Veleena doesn't deserve love, nor does she need it. Her father doesn't love her, and her mother never wanted her. While her siblings treat her decently, there is no genuine love involved. She does not need another reason to live; all she needs is within reach: her sword, her bow, her daggers. That's what her father says, that's the truth.

"A King never lies."

That's her mantra every morning, as her eyes hurt from holding back tears, overwhelmed by emptiness. The hardest nights are when she can't stand the loneliness of her bedchambers, when her reflection in the mirror is unbearable, and her heart feels numb. On these mornings, she escapes the castle before dawn and seeks solace in the woods.

When she feels too sad, she hides her face behind a hood and walks around town, observing people as they begin their day. Bakers prepare fresh bread, fishers return from their night shifts, and their partners wait on the docks, holding lamps to guide them safely home. Veleena also finds joy in witnessing couples finding love and comfort in each other's embrace, especially young couples and their tender moments at dawn.

She wonders if, someday, someone will escape their own house to meet her in a secret spot, and she will finally experience something. A gentle touch, a delicate kiss. A heartbeat. Something to fill the emptiness in her chest.

But those are the things that happen during her sad nights, and today is one of those angry nights. When she curses herself for being weak. For dreaming about love, about something that she was not born to have. She will never be pursued by a lover, and no one will ever hold her hand, she will never feel the softness of another person's lips against hers. She already has the love of her cousin Veldon, and she knows he loves her dearly. This is more than what she deserves, and she should be thankful. This should be enough. Love was never meant for her, and it never will be. Even her own parents were incapable of loving her. And why would they? Who could possibly love a creature like her, bred solely to protect her master and attack any potential threats? Who will ever love a broken beast, full of scars both inside and out?

Those nights where she if filled with anger, she seeks solace deep within the woods, wandering until she finds the ancient and solitary oak. Its bark bears countless scars, standing apart from any neighboring trees. It resembles her in many ways. She unleashes her frustrations upon the trunk, relentlessly pounding until her knuckles bleed and her fists ache. When she finishes, the trunk is stained crimson, her knuckles revealing the pulsing veins and strained muscles beneath her bruised skin. The ground beneath her feet is covered in a carpet of red grass. This is her signal to return, not home, for she does not have one, but back to the castle. Before she does, she always makes her way to the waterfall. It is there that she watches the sun rise as the stars fade into oblivion.

This is the sacred place where she dares to dream of being loved.

#kingsdespair if #interactive fiction #twine if #original character #twine game #twine wip #ROs #In a Heartbeat #Veleena

14 notes · View notes

unsacredism · 6 months

Text

* chris wood. cis male. he/him. / that’s alexander bonneville walking into o'connell’s - you know, the thirty3 year old software engineer known for nailing every song on karaoke night? having lived here for twenty four years, their neighbors know them to be determined & kindhearted, but their stubborn & overly secretive tendencies shine through when there are no buses in the city.

* 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐒: wanted connections / spotify playlist.

hey, everyone!! this is zazz ( she/her, twenty3, gmt ) bringing you mr. alexander bonneville. he's one of my fave ( and oldest ) muses of mine so i hope you all love him as well! here you’ll find all the info you need to get to know him. if you wanna plot, hmu on discord or through private messages!! by the way, english is not my first language so i apologize if there's any errors in my writing.

* ⸻ 𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐄.

name: alexander james madsdatter bonneville. date of birth: november 2, 1990. zodiac sign: scorpio sun, taurus rising, taurus moon, scorpio venus. place of birth: new york city, new york. current residence: lakeview, new orleans, louisiana. occupation: software engineer & co-founder of RISE. education: massachusetts institute of technology. sexuality: heterosexual. gender + pronouns: cis man, he/him. relationship status: single, it's complicated.

* ⸻ 𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎.

positive traits: kind-hearted, dynamic, intelligent, easygoing, loyal. neutral traits: observant, logical, independent, sometimes sarcastic with a clever sense of humor. negative traits: stubborn, moody, secretive, resentful, pessimist. likes: retro music, train rides, cats, brownies, waking up early. dislikes: overplayed songs, baking, being lost, most social media, hypocrites. habits: gesturing when speaking, frowning, jaw clenching, glancing at his watch, touching his facial hair. alcohol? cigarettes? drugs? sometimes. no. rarely.

* ⸻ 𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘.

alexander was born into a broken family. his parents were young, about to turn twenty and twenty-one when they had him - it's safe to say things were not easy for them. when he was born, his father, dominic, was just starting a new job as a sales supervisor, and his mom, elizabeth, was still studying communications. between the years of sacrifice and struggle, their relationship got more and more unmanageable and the pair decided to break it off, leaving six-year-old alexander confused. even though dominic and elizabeth ended things on good terms, from that point on, alexander's childhood was a mix of two worlds - he had to constantly adapt to each parent's life, routine, and plans, going from one house to another when mommy had to study or dad had to work overtime. but, when he was nine, things changed when his dad got a new and better job in another state. lakeview was different and he liked it. there, he grew healthier, not having to fear much, and feeling at home all the time. everybody knew each other and it all felt like one big happy family - just what wished for all those years.

when he got into university, everybody congratulated him, and he knew he would come back to that place, wanting to have a happy family of his own there. he attended the prestige massachusetts institute of technology for computer science, later specializing in software engineering. upon graduating, he came back to lakeview, got an apartment for himself, and started a job in a freshly launched small company, where he would work until he was twenty-nine. when he hit thirty, his project came to life. founded by him and a close friend, RISE aimed to be one more of the many companies that investigate, study, and create new apps and programs to help the average consumer and businesses. for the last couple of years, he has been helping local businesses adopt some new technology, making their cherished work easier.

most people are used to seeing him often accompanied by his now ex-girlfriend, dila. the pair have been together for more than a decade and were usually seen around town together, walking his dog, lilo, or just casually sharing a meal, looking as enamored as ever. however, two months ago, they parted ways. he had just proposed to her, and the refusal shattered his heart. they began fighting a lot, and things just went downhill from that point on. after moving from the house they shared, alexander is still struggling to adapt to his new reality, but it's visible how the loss of this relationship affected him.

* ⸻ 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒.

he has a dog named lilo, after lilo and stitch.

alexander is a morning person, so it's usual to see him around town when the sun starts shining.

has a great singing voice and loves music, so he is always down for karaoke nights.

he is a friendly person, often striking up a conversation with any and everyone.

alexander has a clever sense of humor, so expect some meticulous jokes when he's around.

he is actively working on his relationship with his mother, who became distant when alexander moved to lakeview with his father.

#30.intro

4 notes · View notes

deanseths · 2 years

Note

Hi, idk if you’re still reading asks but I wanted to say I’ve read your series “the things I never told you” on AO3 and i loved it sm. Do you have any ambrollins fanfic recommendations? 💕

Hi!! Yeah I still reply to asks every now and then haha oh and thank you so so much?? I’m so happy to know someone enjoyed my fics :,) You really made my day!

Anyway, i’ve been asked this question so many times that i finally decided to write my ultimate ambrollins fic rec list. Just so you know, I’m a sucker for dean and seth’s post-breakup dynamic so it’s mostly old works or recent works set during their three feuds between 2014 and 2016. There are many other beautiful fics I keep in my collection esp from their reunion arc in 2017, but the ones i listed below will always have a special place in my heart.

⸻

・Where have I seen your face before by aistic

one of the few multichapter stories in this list, where authority!seth loses his memory and dean is there to pick up the pieces (the author has recently uploaded a refreshed version of this beautiful story)

・Watch the world cave in by Lucha_Pseud

dean (now mox) and seth are quarantined together after meeting again + heartbreaking confessions about unsaid things that never fail to hit right in the feels

・There’s a song yet to be sung by AshSPN

authority!seth is hospitalised and dean is still listed as his emergency contact

・It isn’t what I wanted by blessedbethefallen

(aka the great AshSPN with a new pseud) it’s actually a recent work but it’s about dean’s night after seth’s betrayal

・And I know we won’t make it out alive by candesgirl

dean and seth slowly discover things about each other right up to the shield breakup

・What if they did meet? by Cezet

a very well explored moxler AU, where young mox and tyler black meet for the first time before joining wwe

・Always around by Collidinthegskies

a bittersweet post-brand split oneshot where seth suffers an injury and dean is there to support him despite everything

・Dean was wrong by CrazyCollectionDuck

angsty fluff if you will? set during the night of the infamous slime prank in 2014

・Fade into you and Until the night turns by demonjeans

one of the best ambrollins AU writers. The first one is a oneshot about them camping in the woods, the second one is a prohibition era!AU where dean is a felon and seth an undercover cop

・Judas and Shallow is as shallow does by greymon

the first one is about the shield guys post-breakup but as wrestlers playing their characters, the second one is a traditional ambrollins oneshot featuring tragic!dean and his past ⟶ literally my #1 kink

・Somewhere you can meet me by HarlemMarxx

one of those ‘we’re enemies but still we can’t let go of each other’ oneshots that I won’t ever get tired of re-reading

・It’s in the carrying by hellonik

a beautiful attempt at imagining a reconciliation between dean and seth before 2017

・Hangman by Luces

a short, sweet highschool!AU where dean and seth are classmates (it has nothing to do with hangman page lol)

・“These wounds, they will not heal” by MoxFirefly

post-betrayal dean reflects on his consuming relationship with seth

・All roads by mxjoyride

old married couple!dean and seth are retired wrestlers and share beautiful life moments

・Somebody to love by pann_cake | @pann--cake

the queen of ambrollins fluff <3 It begins with dean and seth spending a fun night together like two perfectly straight buddies (they think lol)

・The love you’re given by Picturemedrowning

a short but intense AU oneshot. Their beautiful tragic!dean made me stomach the top!seth / bottom!dean implied dynamic which is still my biggest pet peeve

・This is the fate you’ve carved on me by simplyprologue | @ofhouseadama

set during dean’s turn in 2018 with tons of tragic!dean doing tragic!dean things and seth coming to the rescue

・Vices and A million little times by softambrollins | @softambrollins

the first one is a very good ‘enemies with benefits’ oneshot set around 2014. The second one is probably my favourite fic ever and it’s still about dean dealing with seth’s betrayal (whatever i might say here would be a spoiler so just read it if you haven’t yet)

・Even if you’re broken by solskatering

aka seth & dean & their repressed sexual tension leading to the shield breakup. It’s basically a kayfabe AU where things take a different turn from what happened between 2016 / 2017

・Fortune and glory by NerdyAdjacent | @xshieldsterx

an amazing ambrollins indiana jones!AU that I still consider a must-read despite it was discontinued (I didn’t get over it yet?? last update is from 2018 but i’m still waiting for the next chapter //sighs// )

#honestly i have a hard time anytime i try to organise my fic collection??#ugh too many good fics tbh #btw i hope this will help new readers!#ambrollins #fic rec*#long post #anon #ask

37 notes · View notes

eleanorfenyxwrites · 2 years

Text

After Each Midnight Begins A New Day

Extra #13b - 'Technically A Cutsleeve?' (Mo Xuanyu and Lan Jingyi)

[Part 1] [Part 2]

[Masterpost] [AO3]

-/-

Jingyi stares up at the shadowed ceiling of his guest quarters and Thinks.

It isn’t unheard of for him to be unable to sleep despite it being well past hai shi - it happens every so often that his mind won’t quit running itself in circles even if he’s physically tired, and he’s even got special permission in Cloud Recesses to be up and about at any time of night (so long as he keeps quiet and doesn’t disturb others’ sleep with his restless wandering). But this isn’t Cloud Recesses, and though it seems like Lanling city far beneath the tower never sleeps, he still doesn’t think anyone here in Jinlintai would take kindly to him pacing around the halls in the dead of night.

So he stays put in his bed, and he thinks about Mo Xuanyu.

Throughout Jingyi’s (relatively sheltered) life, he’s had no shortage of examples of relationships to look up to and help him attempt to decide what he might, hypothetically speaking, want for himself and his own future. His parents, from what he can remember, were very much in love. He hopes they still are, he hopes they’re still alive and cultivating together on the back mountain like they’d left him behind to do shortly after he’d turned five. He dimly remembers watching his mother kiss the top of his father’s head any time he was seated at the table in their home, and the way his father would always smile back at her, or pour her tea, or fetch her her favorite books down from the shelf just to read them to her himself. He’s always loved to think of them like that, happy and sweet.

He’s seen Hanguang-Jun and Wei-qianbei over the years - what he privately thinks of as a ‘traditional’ cutsleeve relationship, if one can really call it that. Cutsleeve pairs weren’t unheard of before Hanguang-Jun and Wei-qianbei fell in love, but the practice wasn’t exactly in fashion either. But then, so the story goes, they’d wanted to marry as young children, and Jiang-zongzhu had humored his ward and thought little of it, seeing as cutsleeve pairs had been (relatively) common in Lotus Pier. The Jiang don’t seem to bother making much of a distinction between relationships between men and women and those between cutsleeves, and Grandmaster Lan, who’d been acting sect leader at the time, had allowed it for reasons everyone can only guess at. Jingyi has always thought that was romantic too, the way Hanguang-Jun and Wei-qianbei had fallen for each other so young and in the course of pursuing each other had changed the very culture around romantic relationships in the Cloud Recesses - after all, if Hanguang-Jun is allowed and encouraged to have a husband, why can’t others be cutsleeves as well?

And then of course there’s Zewu-Jun, Lianfang-Zun, and Chifeng-Zun. Jingyi’s mind still boggles a little sometimes if he thinks too hard about how that works, but he knows better than to try to ask anyone his questions. It’s not something he could ever imagine for himself anyway - with men or women - so he supposes it doesn’t matter.

The point is - Jingyi has seen cutsleeve relationships of all sorts over the years in his own sect and in others, and he’s never once felt that it’s right for him. He’s never seen a man, no matter how handsome, and felt the same sort of fluttering, shivery anticipation he feels sometimes for pretty women. It’s a sensation that he’s been heartily reassured is attraction and therefore he should closely monitor it to ensure he doesn’t allow it to become a distraction from his cultivation.

What he’s never felt able to confess to another living soul, though, is that in the last couple years or so he’s grown afraid that he’ll never meet someone he truly wants to settle down with. He’s met pretty women and they’re fun to flirt with in passing in the same way that he likes making anyone laugh and feel happy. How is he supposed to pursue something as fleeting as that and turn it into a lifelong partnership, even if he’s definitely attracted to them physically?

He hadn’t known until today that someone like Mo Xuanyu could even exist, and it’s making him feel as if everything he’d thought about himself, everything he’s been afraid of, is pointless. He can understand, in abstract, the appeal of a cutsleeve relationship. He’s comfortable around men, he knows how to talk to men, how to behave with them. He’s also comfortable enough around women, though he knows he has to behave differently, talk differently. As Gusu Lan’s head disciple as a boy - and now as a skilled full cultivator of a Great Sect in his adulthood - his interactions with women always feel so…loaded. It’s difficult to feel as if he can truly become friends with any women not in his sect, and he’s already decided that he isn’t interested in any of the eligible Lan women his age.

He’s thought plenty of times before that things would be so much easier if he were attracted to men, if he could marry someone who had been easy and comfortable to befriend, if they could go forward through life as friendly companions and never have to bother with flirting and courting and dating and all that mess. But at the same time - he wants to court someone. He likes flirting, and who could ever say that they don’t enjoy a pretty face? It would just be nice if those things could fit nicely together - all the ease and comfort of a man, and the beauty of an elegant woman.

Someone like Mo Xuanyu.

Jingyi groans to himself and covers his face with both hands as if that could help his mind stop turning itself in anxious circles like a dog snapping at its own tail. He’s heard plenty about Mo Xuanyu over the years of being Jin Ling’s friend, of course, but somehow his friend had neglected to mention that his uncle is so beautiful there must be reams of poetry written about him somewhere if there’s any justice in the world at all. He’d never once told them that Mo Xuanyu dresses and moves like any wealthy woman of the gentry, but that he still seems perfectly comfortable and natural in the company of men without any of the distance of propriety Jingyi’s so used to with women. It’s maddeningly attractive in a way Jingyi has never felt before, and he suddenly understands why he’s been warned not to let physical desire run away from him.

Which, of course, begs the question - is he even allowed to be attracted to Mo Xuanyu? Jingyi isn’t a nobody, necessarily, but he’s realistic about his position in life. He’s lucky enough to have made friends with three sect heirs who truly respect him and see him as an equal, but that doesn’t really mean much as far as the rest of cultivation society is concerned. Jingyi is, for all intents and purposes, an orphan. He’s closely enough related to the main branch of the family to be a reluctant consideration for sect heir in the absence of literally anyone else better born for it, but Lan Xiafeng will probably step up to take the position soon unless Zewu-Jun and his husbands find a child to adopt and name as heir. Jingyi was the head disciple while he was still a student disciple, but now that he’s a fully-fledged senior cultivator that distinction doesn’t really matter anymore. He’s just…a Lan. One of many. And Mo Xuanyu is not only a direct member of a powerful and wealthy gentry family, he’s also technically of the older generation. He may be the very youngest of it, and Jingyi one of the oldest of his generation, but that line is still there. Jin Ling still calls him ‘shushu’ and is expected to show him the proper filial respect, whether he actually does or not. How could Jingyi ever hope to bridge that divide while keeping Mo Xuanyu’s reputation intact and not causing offense?

Besides - Mo Xuanyu is Jin Ling’s uncle. There must be some kind of unspoken rule about that, not courting your best friend’s unfairly beautiful uncle, and Jingyi doesn’t want to find out for sure that it exists by upsetting the balance of their little foursome with an inappropriate crush.

Jingyi flips over onto his stomach to bury his face in his pillow and groan again. It’s too hot in Lanling and he feels stifled under his blanket, his trousers and shirt are all twisted up around him now from his restless stirring, and his mind is still running incessantly, so in the interest of not going insane he shoves himself up out of bed to give into the inevitable and start pacing.

Moving helps him focus his thoughts a bit more, but it doesn’t help him stop thinking about Mo Xuanyu, or about what this might mean as to how he’s understood himself these last few years - nor does it help him sleep. He changes his clothes at dawn and forces himself to stick to the schedule ingrained in him over the course of his entire life. His golden core is more than strong enough to push through a bit of exhaustion from one sleepless night, so he meditates and prepares for the day as well as he can with his mind still hounding on the same exact things he’s been obsessing over all night long.

He goes to breakfast still feeling distinctly unsettled, and any hope he might have had of hiding it promptly flies out the window when he arrives for two reasons he can’t even be annoyed with.

Sizhui takes one look at him and frowns softly, obviously concerned. Their guest quarters share a wall, and it’s unlikely that a cultivator as keen as him hadn’t heard the way Jingyi was up pacing all night long even though he’d tried to keep quiet.

Mo Xuanyu smiles sweetly up at him from where he’s kneeling with little Jin Ye in his lap to cajole her into eating her breakfast and Lan Jingyi is absolutely certain that none of his questions about what all this means actually matter - which in turn leaves him hopelessly defenseless against trying not to look absolutely gobsmacked by his attraction to this impossible man.

“Are you alright?” Sizhui asks when Jingyi sits down beside him and he brushes it off with a smile and a jostle of their elbows, some joke he doesn’t bother to think too hard about already on his lips. That’s easier; it’s like when he was a kid and he never knew how to answer questions in class, or when adults would ask him what he thought he was doing with a punishment already in mind. Jokes are safe and they make people happy, he’s good at using them to deflect attention away from himself, he doesn’t even have to think about it anymore. Which is good considering Jingyi feels like he’s one more happy glance from Mo Xuanyu away from blurting out that he’s already picturing a future together despite his sleepless night spent trying to convince himself not to fall for him just yet just yet.

(Oops.)

Jingyi eats as quickly as is polite and makes his escape the moment Sizhui looks like he’s done as well, which means that it’s only a matter of minutes before they’re safely on their own in the gardens where Sizhui pins him with that damn look of his that’s kind and understanding but also leaves no room at all to successfully bullshit him. (Having met Wen Qing a couple of times now, Lan Jingyi knows exactly who he learned it from, though her version is usually not gentle at all.)

“If I apologize for keeping you up with my pacing will that be enough to get me out of this conversation?” he asks somewhat desperately. Sizhui’s smile just widens and he tips his head a little to the side in a gesture that’s all Wen Qionglin.

“It doesn’t, but thank you, it only woke me up briefly and I was able to go back to sleep when I was sure you weren’t leaving to go off on your own somewhere to get into trouble.”

“Where would I have gone to get myself in trouble?”

“Out of all of us you’re the most upset with Jin Ling for how he treated Mo-gongzi. I thought you might want to go punish him yourself.”

“Well that brat needs someone willing to smack some manners into him,” Jingi grumbles and crosses his arms tightly over his chest. “I’m happy to take on such a sacred duty for the good of all mankind - hey!”

Sizhui pockets his needles again calmly when Jingyi yelps and jerks away from him, the implicit threat startling a laugh out of him even as he escapes out of reach. If only Sizhui would do that in front of people who think he’s purely sweet and not at all a little shit under that polite exterior, but alas, he plays his cards too well to ever get caught being the absolute gremlin he is.

Jingyi’s distraction tactic has thankfully done its job, though, and before Sizhui can insist on him spilling what’s on his mind he hears Zizhen calling out from behind them, Jin Ling hot on his heels, and the chance to corner him is thankfully cut short for the time being. Safe for now, but he’s savvy enough to know that he’ll have to get more and more creative if he’s going to manage it again.

The presence of all three of his friends is a decent distraction for most of the morning, the only problem is that apparently Mo Xuanyu had been really good at hiding before, and now that he’s not bothering to hide anymore he’s everywhere. Over the course of the morning Jingyi spots him no less than six times, though always at a distance and simply in passing as the man goes about his beautiful business.

And then disaster strikes at the afternoon meal.

“Mo-gongzi,” Sizhui starts with an innocent little smile. “You mentioned before that it might be possible to persuade you to come spar with us if we ask at the right time - could I persuade you today?”

Jingyi feels flushed from head to toe at the laughing, sly look Mo Xuanyu sends Sizhui, who’s still smiling peacefully like he isn’t a monster out to kill Jingyi specifically. “Wen-gongzi, you flatter this humble one,” Mo Xuanyu teases with a little half-bow accompanied by the quiet tinkling of the chains dangling from his hair pins, the pair of jade bracelets on his wrist clacking ever so slightly as he reaches for his cup to toast Sizhui. “I’d be happy to join you, I’m not needed anywhere else.

Jingyi risks a glance over at Jin Ling and can’t help but think that it’s good it had been Sizhui to bring it up - he’s pretty sure Jin Ling would have outright murdered anyone else for trying if he didn’t die of embarrassment first. Something hot and protective takes ugly root in Jingyi’s chest at the sight of his friend’s grimace, and his irritation with him for being so awful to his uncle creeps back up to the surface, not so easily pushed down again this time like he’s been trying to do since yesterday.

What’s he so embarrassed about anyway? Jin Ling has described some of Mo Xuanyu’s wilder stunts to them before, but they hadn’t been anything that Jingyi himself wouldn’t think up if given the same choices, so it can’t really be that. He wonders abruptly if it has to do with the way Mo Xuanyu dresses, the way Zizhen had mistaken him for a woman when they’d bumped into him in the gardens the day before, and if that’s the case then Jingyi really is going to run him around the practice ring a few extra times to give him a nice set of bruises. He’d do it even if he hadn’t already developed a rather unfortunate crush; as someone who’s never really fit in with the family he was born into, he finds it especially difficult to tolerate seeing others shamed for the same thing.

“Your uncle’s cool,” Jingyi tells Jin Ling at the first available opportunity once they’ve finished eating. They aren’t planning to spar for a little longer yet so they’re wandering the gardens again, this time skirting around a lotus pond under an arched bridge in the family quarters, and Jin Ling turns to glare at him suspiciously.

“Which one?”

Jingyi doesn’t bother trying not to roll his eyes. “Which one do you think? Mo Xuanyu. I bumped into him last night on my way back to the guest quarters so he walked me back, and Sizhui got him to hang out with us for a while. He’s nice, I like him. So do Zizhen and Sizhui.”

“You - what?!”

Jingyi stops walking and turns to face Jin Ling, his smile slipping just a little in the face of his friend’s baffled spluttering. “We invited him to spend some time with us last night after dinner, and we were lucky enough that he agreed. He’s nice, A-Ling. Don’t keep him away from us anymore, alright?”

Jingyi claps Jin Ling on the shoulder once, just shy of too hard to be entirely friendly, before he turns and runs up to where Sizhui and Zizhen are walking ahead of them to sling his arms around their shoulders and jostle them into wrestling him off them, all three of them laughing even as Jin Ling recovers enough to snap at them to cut it out.

#the untamed fanfic #Technically A Cutsleeve?#Mo Xuanyu #Lan Jingyi #Lan Jingyi/Mo Xuanyu #Nonbinary Mo Xuanyu #Junior Quartet #Jingyi is specifically attracted to gender fuckery #Like that is the basis of his attraction even if he doesn't have the language to describe it #He wants masculinity and femininity in one person but had no idea until he was confronted by someone who can offer that #and suddenly he's like 'oh this is why Lans love Like That okay I get it' lol #Also Black Sheep Un-Lanest-Lan Jingyi doesn't know what it's like to struggle with his gender but he does know what it's like #to be eccentric and weird by your family's standards and struggle to feel accepted for who he is so he's particularly sensitive #to Jin Ling's behavior about all of this

7 notes · View notes

desmondkane-of-ao3-fame · 2 years

Note

Quick question, when you said “Raine officiates the wedding, happy to help their former student Skara with her special day.” does that mean Skara use to be Raine’s apprentice? Like amity was to Lilith and Luz is to Eda? Any sort of fun facts or headcanons between them?

Ah, yes, my second favorite "Screw what makes canonical sense, this is my canon" thing in TOH (next to Skarlow): Skara being Raine's apprentice. While I doubt this would ever be real in TOH, I think it's an adorable idea that could work if the show wanted to go that direction:

Sadly, much like America, the Boiling Isles doesn't exactly pay its teachers incredibly well. So, back when Raine was a teacher, they'd try and make a bit of extra cash by taking up some tutoring jobs. Most of them were richer parents who would, later, be instrumental in helping 'pull the strings' to get Raine the position as a Coven Head. But one set of parents were those of our favorite silver-haired musician, Skara, fresh out of the Baby Class and an elementary Bard student.

Her parents wanted Skara to take additional tutoring. Not because they felt she was bad. Far from it. Skara was incredibly skilled, especially for her age. But she wasn't a prodigy like her parents wanted her to be, so they decided to hire Raine to tutor her. Skara didn't want to do it, seeing it as a waste of time, and thinking it meant she wasn't good enough. When she met Raine, Skara stuck out her tongue and crossed her arms, not looking at her tutor.

Raine, seeing Skara was gonna be a bit of a problem child, asked her to play anything Skara wanted. Skara was surprised, given her parents and teachers had always made Skara do specific, boring music that Skara got bored of easily. So, asked for the first time to play something she wanted, Skara looked a bit wide-eyed. Still, she played a favorite song of hers: 'Twinkle Twinkle Wailing Star." While a simple song, Raine was surprised how great Skara was at it: only a couple missed and sour notes, still better than many of the students Raine took on. They congratulated Skara, to the young girls surprise, before Raine offered some finger placing tips to better the notes Skara did miss.

It was strange to Skara at first. She felt her music wasn't good enough to please anyone, and she was always being made to play stuff she didn't like. But Raine made the young girl think of her music as great, regardless of the occasional missed note, and always encouraged their apprentice to play what made them happy. It helped Skara fall in love with Bard magic in a way she just hadn't been before. Plus, seeing the look on the young girls face every time Raine helped Skara feel like a real Bard made her tutor pretty happy too.

The first time Skara's parents came to watch a session, they were both incredibly impressed with their daughters progress. However. they weren't pleased with her selection; Skara liked to cast more poppy Bard magic, not the classical style her parents wanted from her. But Raine chastised her parents, informing them that Skara's gift and talent was something their daughter had a right to control herself. It wasn't her parents place to say she wasn't amazing simply because her spells differed from what her parents wanted. With that, both Skara's parent's admitted they were wrong, and apologized to their daughter for forcing her to do music that Skara didn't enjoy. It was then Skara determined Raine was the coolest person ever.

Some days, when Skara really didn't have anything to practice, Raine and Skara would spend most of the session talking to each other. Skara would talk about her day, and Raine would often be able to relate it to a funny story of their own childhood, which often got a laugh out of Skara.

While Raine never met her, she didn’t really like this Boscha friend that Skara would talk about. She always sounded to Raine like she brought out the worst in their student, and oftentimes, if Skara was upset, it was either at her parents for wanting too much or at Boscha for being too mean. Raine never tried to push Skara away from her directly, but they did hint at the idea that Boscha wasn’t really a nice person, and that Skara could find better friends. Even when Skara left Raine’s tutelage, the older Bard would hope that Skara would eventually recognize that fact and find better friends. Years later, they were pleased to hear that Skara had, in fact, done just that.

Raine would never reference Eda directly when telling stories, both because of Eda’s criminality and personal denial. But most of their stories would refrence “a really good friend” or “someone very special,” and Skara would always be curious who it was. The closest Skara ever got to learning the truth was one session, where a group of Emperor’s Coven members put up a wanted poster for ‘The Owl Lady’ on Raine’s front door. Upon seeing it, they simply stared at it, tore it down, and threw it away. It was the worst mood Skara ever saw Raine in, but she knew better then to pry too hard into it.

The apprenticeship lasted a few years, but eventually Skara’s parents felt that Skara didn’t require the sessions anymore, and with Boscha wanting Skara to join Grudgby with her, Skara just wouldn’t have time for Raine. For their last session, Skara played ‘Twinkle Twinkle Wailing Star” again, this time not only getting every note right, but also adding impressive impromptu flourishes that made Raine wonder where their apprentice even learned that. Raine told Skara they were proud, and they hoped to see her again some day. Skara couldn’t help but wipe a tear from her eye as she left.

When Raine was revealed as the new Bard head, Skara was both shocked and ecstatic. Her first thought was to brag about it to all her friends, but she realized she’d feel bad about it. Like she was taking credit or stealing Raine’s thunder. So she didn’t mention it at all, to anyone. Though she did send Raine’s offices a beautifully written letter about how awesome it was to see them become the Bard head.

Cut to after the Collector is defeated, and Skara and Raine, now both older and wiser, meet each other at a parade to celebrate those who stood up and fought the Emperor’s Coven on and before The Day of Unity. Skara, grateful to see her former mentor ok, just dives into a wordless hug, and Raine, though a bit offput, reciprocates. After that, Skara asks Raine to catch up, and Raine states they’d be delighted to.

After the parade, the two catch up on what’s happened: Raine confesses about their relationship with Eda, and Skara talks about leaving Boscha and joining the Entrails (she smiles talking about Willow, earning a smirk from Raine), and everything else they can think of. It’s a mostly fun reunion, with one exception: Skara feels hurt over never being asked to join the B.A.T.T’s or C.A.T.T’s, thinking it means Raine didn’t believe in her. Raine assured Skara it wasn’t like that: they were against the idea of using children to help fight Belos, and the only reason they accepted Luz and her friends was because, being Eda’s kid(s), there was no way Raine was ever going to convince them to not fight. Raine thinks Skara would have made an excellent B.A.T.T. Before Skara leaves, Raine offers her a spare uniform, including the mask, and tells Skara they would have made an amazing member of the team.

A year later, and Skara helped plan Raine and Eda’s wedding, and was even both the flower girl and musician. And a few years after that, Raine returned the favor by officiating Skara and Willow’s wedding.

#THE OWL HOUSE #skarlow #raine whispers #HEADCANNON

13 notes · View notes

fr-martin-gospel-reflections · 1 year

Text

25th December - ‘A Saviour has been born to you’, Reflection on today’s gospel reading (Lk 2:1-14)

Christmas Mass

I am always struck by how well children act out the Christmas story. They love to play the various characters in the Christmas pageant, especially the plum parts of Mary and Joseph. They love to dress up as angels or shepherds or the three kings. Sometimes, one of them plays the role of the guiding star. I also love how children respond to the crib. When they visit it, their eye travels around all the various characters, including the animals. They immediately recognize that the central character in the crib is the child Jesus. Children can help us to wonder at the deeper mystery of Christmas, which can easily get lost amid all the comings and goings of this time of year. At the heart of this feast is the emergence of new life, the birth of a child to a young couple who lived in a small village in Galilee.

There is something wonderful about the birth of every child. Every new born child evokes in us a sense of wonder and delight. We feel very protective of this frail bundle of life; we sense its vulnerability, its need for care and protection. In one sense, the birth of a son to Mary and Joseph was no different to the birth of any other child at that time. The birth of this child happened in circumstances that was far from the clinical environment that would be considered desirable for giving birth today. Mary and Joseph found refuge in a place associated with animals because the local hostelry was full up. Mary placed her child in a manger, a feeding trough for animals. It could be said that the situation left a lot to be desired. Yet, this new born child was more wonderful than any other new born child before or since. This was the message given by the angel to the shepherds as they watched over their flocks at night in the hills outside Bethlehem, ‘A saviour has been born to you; he is Christ, the Lord’. This new born child was God’s special messenger whose coming the prophets of Israel had foretold and for whom people had been waiting for centuries.

I have always been struck by that phrase ‘to you’ in the angel’s message to the shepherds. At one level, it means ‘to you shepherds, watching your flocks’. At a deeper level, it means ‘to you, whoever you are, wherever you are, however you are’. The child of Mary and Joseph was born to each one of us. This child is God’s gift to each of us. Tonight we celebrate the good news that God so loved the world – so loved each one of us – that he sent his only Son to us. The birth of any child touches the lives of so many people, not just at the moment of birth but for many years well into the future. The birth of Mary and Joseph’s child has touched all of our lives, ‘the whole human race’ in the words of Saint Paul. That is why there is a place for all of us at the crib; we all belong there. The writer, C. K. Chesterton, expressed it well in his poem, ‘The House of Christmas’, ‘Only where He was homeless, Are you and I at home’. We are all invited to kneel in the straw, alongside the shepherds and, later, the wise men. God is calling out to us through this child, inviting us to come close to this child, because in doing so we are coming close to God. We are to approach God as we would a new born child, with a sense of wonder and delight. The principal name of this child is ‘Jesus’, but one of his other names in the gospels is ‘Emmanuel’, a name which means, ‘God-with-us’. Through this child, God was entering our world, our own personal lives, becoming flesh, in a way that had never happened before, calling us home. There is a wonderful tradition of people coming home for Christmas. Perhaps the desire for home we experience at this time of the year reflects in some way our appreciation that Christmas celebrates God making a home among us through the child of Mary and Joseph, so that we can be at home with God.

The child who was born for you, for me, became the adult who lived for you, who died for you, who rose from the dead for you and who poured forth the gift of the Holy Spirit for you. The birth of Jesus reveals God to be God for us, and as Saint Paul says in his letter to the Romans, ‘If God is for us, who can be against us?’ We all have a sense of how much is against us, perhaps more so this Christmas than other Christmases. The War in Ukraine has not only brutalized a whole nation, but has borne down upon all of us. The rise in inflation, in fuel prices, in the general rising cost of living, is driving many people to the edge. The number of people who are homeless remains disturbingly high. There is much darkness in our world. Yet, this Christmas we celebrate the good news that the light that shone on the shepherds in the darkness of their night-watch continues to shine on each one of us, whoever we are, wherever we are, however we are. It is the light of God’s unconditional love, and if we open our lives to that light we ourselves, each one of us, can become God’s light in our sometimes dark work.

2 notes · View notes

oatbrew · 2 years

Note

hi! May I ask u if you watch kdramas and if u have any favs? I honestly love reading your thoughts on games/series so I was really curious. Hope u have a great day💕

hi hi! yes i do! mostly on netflix and not a whole lot bc kdramas are a hefty investment and im a creature of habit who rewatches my old shows until im sick and desensitized 😌 no particular order here…

crash landing on you: baby’s first kdrama during the pandemic that really started it all for me and my mom. which made me appreciate it less as a show and more as a great bonding experience as she swoons over hyun bin and i swoon over son ye jin. im in the minority who likes the ending. it was a nice realistic touch that grounded the usual third act melodrama level of heightened emotions in kdramas

it’s okay to not be okay: idk what else hasn’t been said but the style, the artistry, the performances, the soundtrack, the family dynamics, how well the fairy tales serve as a thematic basis for each episode 👌👌👌 i love love the individual character developments more than the romance. sometimes they infantilized the heroine at the second half but she’s still one of my favorite kdrama characters

vincenzo: i can take or leave the romance but regardless the leads’ “this is my worse half” dynamic makes the show. their rapport w their plaza neighbors is also hilarious. vincenzo as a character is fun but too cool for me to be attached. cha young though belongs to my list of favorite kdrama characters (you can see a common theme here that im partial to female characters who are assertive w varying levels of unhinged and/or moral grayness)

her private life: fake dating’s not my absolute favorite but no one has topped the chemistry of these actors. the first time they kissed i felt like i needed to turn off the tv to give them privacy lmao what really sells their relationship is how obviously they’re delighted by each other, how they establish intimacy based on their work, and the fact that he loves fangirling over her fangirling. i wasn’t a fan of the third act twist but they still reign as the best romance here

age of youth: technically my first kdrama (i just didn’t finish the second season) and i invested heavily into the narrative when i watched as a college student. i can take or leave the romances but the friend group is unmatched and the only reason to watch. season one >>>> season two all the way

run on: the second couple are EVERYTHING. i didn’t fully appreciate during my first watch until i finished and learned that this kind of slice of life, slow paced and character-driven stuff is my vibe exactly. any time im doing chores i pull up a random ep in the bg bc it feels like im just casually doing parallel play w a friend

hotel del luna: love the premise, love the ending except for the very last moment, didn’t love the romance or the hero necessarily, but i love the heroine so much i couldn’t leave it out. her backstory and relationship with the not!second lead compelled me to finish and tbh they’re the emotional core of the whole thing

my liberation notes: my friend calls this a depression simulator kdrama 😂 but this had as much heart as a ghibli film to me. best part was the ensemble who had very real flaws and emotional relatability supported by a script w depth more human than pretentious. this rly was a show that you had to earn but when you did, it was well worth it

hometown cha cha cha: small town slice of life basically the ultimate comfort food kdrama 💖 save for like two eps each one hits so well. has the second best romance and the best ensemble here although it does dip too much in sentimentality for my taste at times. but it wouldn’t be what it is without it

special mention to cheese in the trap…which i didn’t finish lol so i can’t speak on the quality of that but lil closelyknit lore facts the webtoon it was based on featured in my blog for a good number of tumblr years some time ago

#tumblr year = length of a main fandom phase #reply.#anon.#notes.#any other kdrama ive mentioned and recommended on this blog i probably didn’t include bc i haven’t finished it yet

1 note · View note

sgt-mark-smith · 11 months

Text

Gang we have to talk about Manaaki and Cissy, spoilers and talk about s*xuality under the cut.

So first off, let me just talk about what I like about the Manaaki/Cissy storyline, because there’s quite a bit.

First off, can we get an A in chat for interracial relationships? I don’t know what the racial politics are like in New Zealand, but here in the US, you still can barely get away with an interracial relationship in a piece of media, and the pair usually aren’t allowed to get anything close to a happy ending.

And I really like that Cissy in particular was allowed to, like, want him. And to try and make moves on him, even if her family and friends (can you call Violet a friend?) mock her for it. I love how much she clearly likes being sexual with him.

I love that, after Manaaki comes back to the Smith house after Harry’s death, it’s Cissy who lights up his world and makes him smile. I love how much they clearly like each other’s company (as opposed to Some Other Couples on this show), and how much the show seems to approve of their being together - look at this scene in the garden! Look how they’re framed in all this beautiful light, look how Cissy’s costume complements the flowers!

Best of all, I love the way the scene in the bedroom takes a lot of trouble to let both of them make the active choice to say ‘yes, I want this.’ It’s like this perfectly choreographed little dance where at every turn one of them chooses to escalate just a little further. I love how the scene shows them as equally vulnerable, and how tenderly they handle each other. I love everything about the performances of both Freya Milner and Alex Tarrant, and I don’t care how much the intimacy coordinator was paid, she deserves to have it doubled. Tripled, even.

And now for the things I ... don’t love as much.

I really, really wish Cissy didn’t look and feel and act so very young. I’m not saying that she should’ve been invulnerable to men like Guy Featherstone, that she should’ve known everything about life, that she shouldn’t be allowed to make dumb mistakes, yada yada. In essence, my complaint is not with the writing or even the casting choices, but the directorial and/or acting ones. Freya performs a lot of Cissy’s scenes like everything is flying over her head, and I don’t know if this was a directorial request or her choice, but the end result made me feel like I was looking at a fifteen-year-old figuring out life ... which then made it viscerally uncomfortable to watch her unbutton her shirt and basically say ‘do me.’

Which makes the pregnancy arc just that much more ick. I don’t like that this show chose to have Cissy’s one sexual encounter, with her one brown paramour of all people, end up as an unwed pregnancy that permanently alters the course of her life. And sure, I guess it only takes one time, but come on show, you don’t have to take every single opportunity to be an afterschool special! And to make it just a little worse, the show doesn’t technically tell us whether or not Manaaki ever came back to at the very least co-parent the baby, and considering that Manaaki’s own father walked out, I don’t love the implications. Again, I don’t know the media conventions or racial politics of New Zealand, but here in the US, absent brown fathers are a stereotype resting on some really nasty racism.

Well, there you have it. Me and my complex feelings on Manaaki and Cissy (though I very much wish I could just like it and move on).

EDIT: all right well. One other thing I don’t love, and it’s purely a taste thing. I personally like ships where I can believe the partners can meaningfully communicate and share vulnerable parts of themselves. I do appreciate that Cissy is like Manaaki’s sunshine in the middle of a storm, but it very much feels like any mention of his myriad traumas, or even his religious background and inclinations, would be met with a blank, doe-eyed stare from her. And I know he initially finds her chatter endearing and a welcome distraction, but he seems like eventually he’d just become the kind of partner who’d tune her out, and I think she deserves rather better than that.

I dunno, their “cute contrast” energy feels more like the top layer of a pretty fundamental mismatch, and it’s not really to my taste.

(Not to mention she doesn’t seem inclined to call him on his sexism!)

EDIT 2: Maybe I'm being hypercritical but ... on like my fifth rewatch of this show I'm not sure that he likes her nearly as much as she likes him. He smiles when he's around her, which is really nice because he's at the peak of his War Trauma, and I stand by what I said about their garden scene and their bedroom scene. But the episode as a whole spends its Manaaki runtime bouncing him back and forth like a ping-pong ball. The emotional whiplash is jarring!

Its like ... he's back at the house, and Cissy surprises everyone in bright pink, and he immediately runs away. Then it's Cissy cheering him up after the photograph. Then OMG Detective Blaine is here to interrogate, plus bawling his eyes out on Mrs. Smith's shoulder. Then it's 'oh let's have a nice picnic with Cissy!' Then it's OMG the detective's back and there's more trauma! Then it's makeout time with Cissy. Then it's 'I'm going back to the war front, I don't feel like I should be around regular people,' running away from her yet again! My God.

And to make it worse, Manaaki is literally sitting in what used to be Harry's room, looking at a photo of Harry, when Cissy comes in to check on him. Again, I love that bedroom scene in a bottle, but paired with the literal frames before that and the scene they have after, it's all pretty bleak in the final count.

And like. Again with the pregnancy, but like. While I get the feeling that the people making this show hoped they were gonna get another season, they ultimately didn't. So technically we have no answer as to whether Manaaki ever fucking owned up to basically throwing Cissy away, let alone if he stepped up as a father. And considering he was still in the army, that seems unlikely to happen before the end of the war.

#sort of a continuation of #the big manaaki meta #and some cissy meta #manaaki kokiri #cissy smith #the manaaki/cissy relationship #cw implied sex #cw sexuality #cw implied pregnancy #when we go to war 2015 #when we go to war miniseries #wwgtw spoilers #wwgtw meta

2 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

needtochangemyname

PJO_BLACKJACK

massivegothnickelbonk

тревожный

pixel-w0rld

Minecraft Macrocosm

huntersurfer360

huntersurfer

anchalindia

Anchal India