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levixreader · 3 years

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Levi x K-pop! Reader - It's not what it looks like - Chapter IV

Summary: Did he... Kiss you? Based on @cakeswashere KISS CAM prompt: x

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It's not what it looks like

《 Chapter IV》

It had been a long day at the office. This month had proven a little overwhelming, R.I.E, three months before, had bought a small marketing firm in order to integrate it into its ecosystem. Every month without fault there was some kind of miscommunication with them that resulted in some sort of internal problem. And who had to fix it? Him, it was always him. He would have stayed later at the office if he hadn’t made plans with you.

He looked down at the tickets in his hand; You’d gotten floor seats.

“Did you find her?”, Hange asked. He didn’t answer instead his eyes wandered around trying to locate you. There you were. Sitting, one leg hammering the floor, your face glued to your phone. He smirked, “There”, he said pointing his nose at you. “My Queen!”, Hange screamed waving ferociously. He saw your face detach from your phone, your eyes scanning for Hange’s voice. You couldn’t locate them, his smirk deepened as he scooting into the row, Hange trailing behind him.

When he reached you, he took a second to look at you. You were wearing a short thing that hiked up way too high up your thighs. His eyes lingered on your legs, they looked smooth. Without even thinking about it, he took off his leather jacket, throwing it brusquely on your lap. This visibly startled you, your eyes looking up to him riddled in confusion; your face half shaded by your cap. His expression was neutral. He looked good; his dress shirt looked a bit wrinkled, his sleeves rolled up. He probably came straight from the office. Of course, you knew that he had been dealing with a particularly tricky absorption. You smiled up at him, he didn’t correspond, simply stared. “My Queen, hello!”, greeted Hange, poking her head from behind Levi’s shoulder. He rolled his eyes and sat down.

You looked striking.

He wasn’t the only one who had noticed. It felt like the whole section around your little trio was pointing and taking pictures. Hange sat at your other side. He felt pleased, at least you wouldn’t be sitting next to a stranger. Sometimes you could be quite dense, like now, you were chatting away with Hange about some new singer, seemingly unaware of the lustful eyes around you.

He didn’t like it.

There was little he could do but glare when he felt the person too close to your seats. He sank into his chair, already feeling a bit riled up, being in the public eye was adding to his stress. He crossed his arms in front of his chest not really in the mood to engage in conversation. This didn’t seem to be a problem for you, too busy waving at nearby fans, smiling without a care in the world as people pointed and treated you like some kind of display. They could at least have the decency to leave you alone on your time off. Hange was no help, she was basking in the attention, poking you so that you would look across the court at gaping fans desperately trying to catch your eye. He was getting a little frustrated. Feeling a bit antsy, he took out his phone reading unnecessary emails. That would keep him distracted. Why did he come? This was far from a good idea.

He briefly looked at your lap, his jacket covering your lap. He couldn’t even begin to think the mess that would spur from that little act. Sure, the media now knew you were strictly just friends and that you actually went out together in a platonic way. But they hadn’t seen you in public, there were no pictures. Everything was just retellings of people who had seen you together like at the bar, the other day. He groaned quickly typing an email to PR.

Stop any stupid pictures from leaking.

It sounded threatening. “Serves them right”, he thought sending the short message. They had enough to prepare for what the media would do seeing you and him in public. He wasn’t completely delusional, he understood that not everything could be blocked but, this much they could and would do. After the hell that had been your little crowd diving, they needed to remind him why he paid them the exorbitant amounts of money they billed him monthly.

Contrary to what the media was spitting out, you and he weren’t all that different. There was a reason you were… friends. As had become painfully obvious, you both had a love for the same kind of food and wine, not to mention concertos. That first dinner, he had mentioned his favourite composer in passing, but you latched on to that for the rest of dinner. He hadn’t been able to talk to someone so thoroughly in a very long time. Perhaps that’s what made him venture into inviting you to a concerto. And boy was he glad he had. That had been the most pleasant of your surprises; that you shared so much in common with him. You even recommended a few modern composers that he had dismissed years before. And what’s worse? You had been right.

The one difference? He could never get used to how public you were. Even If the media didn’t publish any pictures of the two of you together, they always knew where and with who you were. Storied came a mile a minute with so many listed sources that he couldn’t possibly track them all down and shut them up. That had never happened to him. He was well known at best, but people barely knew who he was because he rarely showed his face. Recently, however, that had changed. He couldn’t go to his usual tea shop anymore without at least someone taking a picture of him. He knew why it was happening, but, if that was the price to have you close, he would gladly pay it.

He sighed, reclining further into his seat. He didn’t even like basketball, except, you had looked so proud holding the tickets. Your voice was so hopeful that he would come. He had stayed the afternoon watching videos to at least understand the game somewhat.

“Sorry”, you whispered at him. His eyes lazily looked at you, his face still facing forward. “For what?”, he asked a little taken aback. “I know you’re not exactly a fan”, you said apologetically. “Hmm”, he answered his eyes returning to watch the court. “I didn’t tell you this”, you said still whispering. The only indication that he was listening was his raised eyebrow, “but I also got us tickets for Yann Tiersen”, she said her voice dripping with excitement, “but I only managed to get two”, you explained further. Ahh, this is why.

Hange liked basketball. You didn’t want her to feel left out. “Then why am I here?”, he asked his voice deep and velvety. It made you feel as if butterflies had hatched in your stomach. “Well,” you said licking your lips, “I didn’t want to be the only one who didn’t understand what is going on”. He smiled, startling again the butterflies. He chuckled, covering his mouth with one of his hands. “Speak for yourself”, he answered playfully. “PASS THE BALL!”, Hange screamed, “PASS.IT”, she yelled. Both of you turned to watch her, frown in place, eyes glued at the court. You chuckled, his eyes now on you, he smiled. Perhaps basketball wasn’t that boring of a sport.

* * *

It had been a long fifteen minutes; too many noises, people hailing, complaining, everything had to be a scream. No matter how hard he tried to concentrate on the game, he kept getting distracted by your knees occasionally knocking into his. Every time without fault he would jolt to attention. You seemed to not notice at all; your attention fully on the game. This somewhat irritated him.

You were always like this, he knew you didn’t particularly enjoy basketball, in fact, he would bet his right leg that you didn’t even know any players besides LeBron James; but, like anything you did, you always got weirdly excited just immersed yourself in it despite your lack of interest. He had already seen you make your small hands into tiny fists and shaking them whenever the yellow team made a point. It was cute.

He sighed looking down at his phone, they were finally taking a break from the game and he could check on the emails that had already accumulated in the short period of time since he last checked. His thumb scrolled reading the latest proposal for budget from the marketing department; they were asking for, yet again, another increase in budget. He frowned, the overwhelming chatter around him dying down.

Something felt off.

He could feel the whole court staring his way. He turned to check on you. You were looking down at your lap fiddling with his jacket. You were nervous, his eyes narrowed. He could make out a pink tint colouring your cheeks. “Also embarrassed”, he noted. His eyes shifted to Hange, she was staring wide eyes mouth opened. His eyebrow rose in confusion. The fuck was going on.

“Well?!” Came a voice from behind him, “kiss her!”, the voice screamed.

He could have choked.

His eyes were fully alert, he twisted his body to turn to see who the fuck was talking. “The fuck?”, he asked annoyed. “Yeah! KISS HER!”, it was a woman this time. He quickly turned to see her. “KISS HER!”, yet another. “Kiss her!”, “kiss her!”, the crowd began to chant.

“It’s the kiss cam!”, mouthed Hange. He immediately relaxed. He looked up at the massive screens, sure enough. There was a heart-shaped filter focused on you and him, “kiss cam” scribbled at the bottom. Raising both hands and crossing them in an “x” shape at whoever was filming him. A chorus of boos echoed through the court. He sighed, crossing his arms in front of his chest and sinking into the chair again.

He looked up at the screens, a failed animation playing. He sighed, the camera turning to another couple. “Calm down, it left”, he whispered. You nodded, unable to speak; your cheeks still flushed. His eyes scanned over your figure, they glimmered with curiosity. Smirking, he returned his gaze back to his phone, “Good”, he thought.

* * *

Yet another break came.

Finally, half time.

He just needed to get through another two breaks.

As he had decided, he took out his phone yet again, reading the budgeting proposal; they were finally making some sense. It looked coherent and well structured, they hadn’t asked an exorbitant amount either.

“Levi”, he heard Hange call out. Unwillingly, he twisted to look at the woman. “Look!”, she mouthed pointing at the goliath of a screen. He groaned, there he was, frown displayed on TV with you next to him, “KISS CAM”, written in big bold purple letters. He could see you blushing even from the low-quality camera pointed at the both of you.

“Just do it”, Hange said making you flinch. His eyes narrowed at your response. “Common! Kiss her man!”, someone screamed. “Yeah, kiss the girl!!!”, “Kiss her!”, “Don’t be a pussy! Kiss!”.

The previous chant echoing throughout the court, “Kiss her! Kiss her!”.

You wanted the ground to swallow you whole, bones included, being rejected on national TV was pretty embarrassing. Did he not want to kiss you? Had this tension between the both of you simply been in your head? You wanted him to kiss you. You wanted him to want to kiss you.

“Fuck it”, you heard Levi whisper. Callous hands cupped your cheeks, softly guiding your head to face him. Steal grey eyes greeted you, his nose next to yours.

And then…

You felt it.

His lips came soft, barely gracing yours. The front of his bangs tickling lightly your cheeks. His eyes were half-lidded, avoiding your shocked irises. You couldn’t move. It had been so fleeting you that you could have missed it. You blinked, feeling the warmth leave your lips.

His face retreated from yours, his body returning casually to his seat.

You simply stared, too surprised to react.

Your stomach somersaulted, a faint ringing sound covering your ears; loud enough that you barely registered the crowed erupting in cheer and whistles.

His lips had been soft.

Your hand reached up to your lips, your fingertips touching gently your lower lip.

He kissed you.

Heat. Your cheeks coloured gently turning peach.

You didn’t say a word.

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tricewithaz · 3 years

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THOTS ON SHADOW AND BONE

Hello everyone! it is I, Trice, and i come with my thoughts on the Shadow and Bone show cause ive got many

I'm gonna divide this in what i liked, what i disliked, and what i think could have been better but didn't really bother me. Feel free to send your opinions too!

As a whole, I really liked the show and I think it's a great adaptation that both fans and newcomers will enjoy. It's super well done! and every episode had me glued to the tv even though I knew what was going to happen.

Beware this is long

To start,

What i liked

Mal and Alina

I never really liked Mal in the books, mainly cause he had like, nothing going on for him, and not having his pov made him no favors whatsoever. Alina's perception of him was everychanging, two factors that didn't make him unlikeable necessarily, but that made me not want to read about him. In the show he's way more likeable and even though he still doesn't have a lot going on for him, you can see that he's always trying to protect alina, and you also see a bit of his demeanor through Archie's acting. I think he made a great job at portraying him. And Alina! Alina who in the books was essentially a y/n sort of character (although she did get better over time), her character, likes, dislikes, her DRIVE was incredibly portrayed in the show. Also Jessie (loml, marry me) and Archie have incredible chemistry together and they sold their yearning SO WELL (and so did the kid actors portraying them as children oh my GOD)...yall...i cried when they held hands. My favourite scene was definitely when Alina took care of Mal's wounds (a favorite trope of mine). And the HURT in their eyes whenever they thought the other was in danger....i saw the show dubbed but I'm sure their voices made it beyond incredible as well, their face acting was just on. point. Overall the show rEALLY makes me root for them both individually and together which is something the books didn't manage to do.

The Darkling

AAAAA i really enjoyed the Darkling omg, incredible charisma, Ben does such a great job (and so did his voice actor in Spanish oh my GOD). His acting was just as I imagined it in the books and i loved how he could be as sweet and mysterious as he could be menacing. In fact! i liked him more than i did in the book, and i think it was a great choice to make him more human. I'm not sure if this was Ben or the writing, but i could really see his yearning for an equal, for Alina, his loneliness and his thirst for power and control too. Great love interest, even greater villain. And his wardrobe was phenomenal. I also really liked how they implied that The Darkling was a name given by other people, it was very believable that people would call someone who literally controls shade something akin to "son of the dark" or something of the sort, instead of it being a name he gives himself or his job title (both if which are incredibly pathetic and cringy to think about).

Jesper

No comments. He was just great. I love Kit.

Nina

Omg Danielle did SUCH a great job at portraying Nina, it's exactly how i imagined her in Six of Crows.

Helnik

THE. YEARNING. THE. CHEMISTRY. I didn't love their scenes at the boat but once that was over I was practically screaming at the screen to jUST KISS ALREADY. Calahan and Daniell have such good chemistry together and the few changes they made only served the story better. I did wish they had development over more time cause Matthias' change of mind felt too quick, but i get why they had to rush. Because of how good their chemistry was, their fallout also was incredibly painful.

Inej's fear of the Menagerie and her morals

Amita's portrayal of Inej's hurt, devotion and her refusal to kill (and later hurt cause she has killed) is incredibly subtle but so SO effective. She's so talented really and truly sold Inej's feelings throughout the show.

VFX

Man.....the fold, the volcra, the grisha powers.....kudos to the animators and overall artistic team cause they were incredible. Also seeing the different title animations in each episode was such a tiny detail that made me so excited and they all looked so good.

Ketterdam

Again, kudos to the artistic team, everything about Ketterdam felt so alive (and weirdly moist), truly sold a kind of aesthetic and life that is so characteristic if the Barrel, even when i didn't imagine it that way in the books.

David

He appeared like, twice, and both times were so cute and charming I can't wait to see more of him both on his own and with Genya.

The Wardrobe

So, at first i hated the keftas. I thought the looked tacky and costume, but when you see them on screen they're just perfect (although i have to say the patterns on some of the keftas were kind of...cheap looking? and the training keftas were just kinda boring. My favourite was the Darkling's. Aside from that, i really liked Kaz's and inej's clothes too. Very distinctive and recognizable (although it was kind of weird seeing Inej in teal instead of purple lmao).

And the queen's dresses. Chefs kiss.

It's...so cheesy (affectionate)

The whole show felt like the kind of movies I would watch as a kid like Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean. The writing was stylized enough to make it incredibly dramatic and overall there was just so much heart behind all of it. Definetely a show to watch again and again and feel all of it, cause that's what it being so cheesy managed, to make me actually feel for it. It feels like something to watch on a rainy afternoon after a bad day....it's great okay i really enjoyed it, even (specially) the most unbelievable parts of it. And here's the thing, it's something that i think a lot of newer tv and film have lost, so this is good.

What i didn't like

Zoya

Mostly cause of the writing. Originally, in the first book, i didn't like her, neither as a character (stereotypical mean girl with no other motivation than to bang the love interests....all three of them....what's new i still think it's an incredibly sexist trope) or a person (hey at least this was intentional), but over time i grew to LOVE her (mean girl turns out to have a good heart and actually respects the mc and decides to fight alongside her cause it's what's right, without necessarily liking her or giving up her character??? AND she has strong motivations??? now THAT'S new). In the show, i hoped they would keep her mean girl nature while foreshadowing her depth, but all they did was turn her into a petty seductress with barely any screentime, and that only makes her not even a bad antagonist but just a boring character to watch. Not only that but they took away a big part of her character that needed to be developed in the next books. I wanted to watch her rivalry with Alina, her unjustified venomous tongue too, I wanted to be entertained by her and I wasn't. This was also a problem cause when she finally changed teams, and when she hugged Alina, it was incredibly unsatisfying, it would have had a way stronger effect if we had seen her being Ruthless Zoya with a big ambition. I also didn't like how we were told that she didn't like alina, or that she had a family, instead of it being shown on screen. Just from the show, all i can tell you about her is that she likes to bang people and she has a good moral code i guess. Yall, I'm so petty about this.

Kaz

So, I didn't hate him, in fact i think I would have enjoyed him if I hadn't read the books first, cause the two things that bother me about him were two essential characteristics of him in the books. FIrstly, he seems so strained, instead of the seemingly laid back, almost chill looking (even though we know he's not chill at all) Kaz we see in the books, the Kaz that always knows something that you don't. Show Kaz doesn't seem to always be in control, to always have the last word, the last laugh. Instead he seems strained, all the damn time. And I think this is mainly a writing and directing issue. And he also seems weak, something Book Kaz would never do. This is also an issue cause because he doesn't have the same presence he has in the books, the times where he is weak, don't seem as effective. Sure, Pekka Rollins has essentially reduced him and humiliated him, but I haven't seen enough of Kaz being actually dangerous for this to be shocking and for Pekka to seem even more hateable (and, i really liked Pekka, loved him as an antagonist more than i did in the books). Idk, Kaz was so charismatic and just fun and engaging to read in the books that his portrayal in the show felt lacking.

Alina's power's VFX

The little suns were cute and all but the light coming from within her was just ugly I'm sorry.

SFX

A lot of the sound design was just too stylized for the tone of the show i think. I particularly remember the sound of Mal's punches....what's that about.

What i think could have been better, but didn't particularly dislike

The Crows' storyline

And i think part of this is a consequence of Kaz not being as witty as he was in the books. Where's the incredibly complicated heist moves? the even more unbelievable C and D plans when something goes wrong? I didn't like that them getting Alina was essentially just luck, cause i didn't see enough of them being smart and quick on their feet. I also think it was unnecessary to have their storyline mixed with Alina's, i would have enjoyed watching a different heist, maybe in Ravka as well, and them incidentally crossing paths with Alina, more than i liked this storyline. ironically enough, the heist was the part i was least interested in

Genya and Alina

I just feel like her relationship with Alina wasn't strong enough, and i think it's because the show tried to make us believe they were much closer than they were without spending the necessary time in them.

Overall, I really really enjoyed the show, i will be watching it again (particularly cause i want to watch it in English) and i cannot wait for the second season omg (although i have to say, I'm scared for Nikolai)

I think that's all! I would also love to read yall's opinions and have a conversation.

#Shadow and Bone #Shadow and Bone spoilers #sab #sab spoilers #grishaverse #the grisha trilogy #six of crows #malina #helnik #shadow and bone series #sab review

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queerbrujas · 4 years

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floriography

pairings: ub (nate, felix, morgan, ava) x neutral detective wordcount: 1k (~0.25k each drabble) rating: T

read on ao3

a series of drabbles inspired by @twcrohunt’s flower hunt

i. White violets, for Nate Sewell Let’s take a chance on happiness

Ava’s voice echoes in the back of Nate’s mind, words that have been repeated many times, in some way, over the past three centuries. Stop, stop before you’re hurt again. It is always the same story, always with the same outcome, and yet Nate can’t help but come back like a moth drawn to flame because of that one chance it might finally be right.

Ava doesn’t understand, not truly—she doesn’t recriminate and she is there to pick up the scattered pieces of him, but the fallout is all that she sees. Not the desire, the longing, the flashes of happiness that make this, in some way, worth it. At least, he thinks it will be worth it—and he can’t bring himself to think otherwise, even through the heartbreak. Even through the sour taste left behind by the ill-advised attempts at intimacy that are better suited to Morgan’s style.

When he meets the detective, Ava’s voice grows louder. But her concern is drowned out by the feeling of being truly alive for the first time since Nate can really recall. The feeling of being wholly consumed by the detective’s presence, their essence, the way they spark feelings in him he had only felt the ghost of before.

It might end the same way again, he knows he would do well to be cautious, but if it doesn’t—won’t it be worth everything, anything, if it’s for good this time?

—

ii. Daffodils, for Felix Hauville The sun is always shining when I’m with you

The light in this world is different, different from that other place that Felix doesn’t want to—refuses to—think about.

He couldn’t say exactly why or how, but it brings out colors in a way that has him turning his head every few seconds to take it all in, shades and hues that are vibrant and bright and he wants to capture all of them, experience all of them, everything this place has to offer to him.

It’s not just the colors, either. It’s the smells and the flavors and the light. He’s never seen so much or felt so much and it makes him throw himself into it all with no worry nor care. (Because he’s finally got a home, and a place to feel safe.)

And then he meets the detective and it’s just—a burst of color and feeling and he has no idea what he’s saying, what he’s doing, but they’re the most incredible person and he wants them near at all times. He had almost gotten used to the light of the sun in this world, but now it feels like an entirely new place; he closes his eyes and feels a tingling warmth that wasn’t there before, he opens them and the reds and the blues and the greens have a brightness to them that he’d never seen.

He’s fidgeting. He’s nervous, yes, a little. But it’s just because they make him feel so much and there’s this bright light all around them—what if they don’t feel the same way? What if they’re so used to all these colors and feelings that it’s nothing special to them?

But they do, they choose him, they want him, and the colors have never been brighter.

—

iii. Petunias, for Morgan Your presence soothes me

Morgan’s senses always get the best of her. She has to deal with the smells, the sounds, even the damn scratching of her t-shirt on her skin is something that won’t leave her alone. Sometimes, sometimes some part of her almost wishes she was like Nate, with all that practice he’s had to dampen his senses, all the work he’s put in to do that and for what? To have human food and drinks and to be more like them. But it’s something she has no patience for. It’s much better to lose herself in the nicer aspects of humans and drown out the noise that plagues her. At least that way she can have some fun.

The witching hour is a relief—quiet and cool and she can close her eyes and almost feel what it’s like to not be overwhelmed with sensation from all directions. Almost.

Well, it’s not like she remembers ever knowing anything else.

When she meets them, she almost doesn’t notice how it all goes quiet. She’s too focused on the enticing lines of their body and the way she can get their heart to speed up and the lovely reactions she can draw from them.

But then they’re gone and it all comes back. The light burns and the heat is overwhelming and the bright colors make her eyes narrow in pain. And she doesn’t know why, she doesn’t know what’s changed but she chases the detective anyway, and if it calms her senses, it’s just the thrill, the anticipation, the excitement—right?

It’s just some fun, right?

—

iv. Striped carnations, for Ava du Mortain I can’t be with you

Ava hasn’t had a care outside of Unit Bravo for three hundred years. Even longer than that if she counts the time when Unit Bravo was the name for what was really only her—and six hundred years on your own can shape you, make you forget a lot of things.

Family and friends have no meaning for her outside of what she has forged over the centuries; Nate, who knows her better than anyone could have ever hoped to know her as a mere human, who is stability and comfort she wouldn’t know how to ask for—that she doesn’t need to ask for. Morgan, who is trustworthy beyond all, and Felix, who she will keep safe at any cost, and the three of them are all she needs.

When she meets the detective it’s like the sound of shattering glass.

No, no, no.

She knows, immediately, what this could be, what it is—but that only makes it worse, and the pull she feels towards them threatens to shatter her in every way; her resolve, her strength, the nine hundred years she has spent being nothing other than what she is.

She hears Nate’s voice in the back of her mind. It will only hurt so much worse if you don’t. It’s a mirror of what she has said to him so many times. But she can’t, she can’t.

She almost gives in, she can’t help herself, and the taste makes her hate it all the more: it is the sweetest thing she has ever experienced—but still she must step back, and deny herself. Nate’s voice rings in her head, but she can’t. Not this. Not them.

She shatters the training dummies instead.

#the wayhaven chronicles #nate sewell #ava du mortain #felix hauville #twc morgan #qbwrites

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goldenraeofsun · 4 years

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Would you have me, would you want me?

Part I Part II Part III

Part IV - complete

Castiel jumps at the sound of voices outside.

“Will we get in trouble if we’re caught in here?” he asks in a hushed voice.

Dean snorts. “Who cares. It’s not like we’re doing anything illegal in here. Just hanging out.”

Castiel bites his lip and gets to his feet. “If we’re only talking, then I suppose we should move to more sanctioned areas.”

“Sure, if you wanna be a total spoilsport about it,” Dean says, but he hops off the table and stretches his arms above his head. “Christ, I can’t believe my back hurts already.” He shoots Castiel a look. “Don’t tell my kids that. They already think I’m an old man.”

“If they think you act older than your age, I don’t want to know what they would think of me,” Castiel says mildly. He pushes his chair back under the table and starts for the door.

“They’d probably be hot for teacher.”

Castiel freezes in his tracks. He spins on his heels to stare at Dean. “Excuse me?”

Dean has the grace to look away. “What?” he says defensively. “The past ten years have treated you good, ‘s all I’m saying.”

“I - thank you?” Castiel says, taken aback.

Dean shoulders past him, saying brusquely, “Forget I said anything.”

Castiel doesn’t move he reaches out to grab Dean’s shoulder, thinks better about it, and calls instead, “Wait, Dean.”

Dean turns around, his face resigned. “What?”

“Why did you do this?” he asks, gesturing around the library. “Help me, I mean.”

“I told you, I owed you,” Dean says, but he won’t meet Castiel’s eyes. He looks like one of Castiel’s students. Like Alfie when Castiel caught him texting during class, or Ambriel when she forgot to do the reading.

“I don’t think that’s the whole story,” Castiel says evenly. “It’s been ten years, you could have let things lie between us.”

“But that’s just it,” Dean says, frustrated, “I can’t. I tried. Man, I tried so freaking hard.”

Castiel sucks in a breath, mind whirring. Dean had thought about him more than a few times over the past decade? Why?

“I was-” Castiel starts before breaking off into a different direction, “Dean, it was one night. One night together and a couple months of the cold shoulder. That’s it.”

Dean shakes his head. “Not for me, it wasn’t,” he says bitterly. “You have no idea.”

“Then tell me,” Castiel says, his tone brooking no argument.

Dean sighs. “I was so hung up on you. You were … so yourself. Doing your own thing, not giving a shit about what anyone else thought about you. And when I heard you were the one tutoring my sorry ass, well, I thought I was the luckiest son of a bitch in school.”

Castiel’s mouth falls open.

“And then I got to know you,” Dean says, his green eyes trained on Castiel’s face with an intensity he’s never seen before, “and you got along with Sam, and it was everything I’d ever wanted.”

“That can’t be true,” Castiel says, his voice shaking. “You left me. You left me there, in a house full of strangers. If that was how you really felt, how could you do that?”

* * *

Cas jumps at the sound of voices outside.

The movement jostles the drips of semen on his stomach, and Cas grimaces in disgust. At some point after he’d orgasmed but before he jerked Dean off, they’d both lost their shirts. But he isn’t cold, not with them lying skin to glorious bare skin.

“Fuck,” Dean swears, his eyes going wide. He jumps off the bed.

“What are you-” is all Cas can get out before Dean begins throwing clothing at him.

“I’ll lead ‘em off.” Dean hops on one foot, yanking his pants up.

“Dean-”

“What?” Dean asks distractedly.

“I - we should talk.”

“Talk?” Dean freezes in place, shirt rumpled and cheeks red. “About what?”

“About what happened between us,” Cas says hesitantly.

Dean looks away. “I - sure - maybe. We were just letting off steam, right?”

Heart sinking in his chest, Cas nods. Yes, he desperately wanted to get off with Dean. But it was also so much more than that.

“I should really let them know…” Dean jerks his head towards the door and the people right outside.

“Yes, of course,” Cas says quickly. “We’ll talk after?”

Dean gives a funny little spasm that might be a nod.

Cas leans over to root around in the nightstand for tissues or anything to dry himself off. He settles for his briefs, a little damp anyway with precome. As he stands up to shove his legs into his jeans, Dean, already fully clothed, leaves without a word.

Numbly, Cas folds up his briefs and shoves them in his back pocket.

The voices outside get louder.

Vaguely, Cas can make out Dean telling the group he had to puke, and the downstairs bathroom was occupied. Cue the laughter.

The voices fade.

Dean does not return.

* * *

Castiel waits.

Dean shoves his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t think you’d care.”

“What?”

“You’d always taken care of yourself just fine,” Dean says, the barest undercurrent of heat in his words. “You never needed me.”

Castiel’s mouth opens and closes before he says, “We were friends. Did that mean nothing to you?”

“Of course not!” Dean hisses. “But we were both drunk and horny and, you told me yourself, you’d never done anything like that before - so forgive me for thinking you wouldn’t want anything to do with me when you’d gotten what you wanted!”

“That’s…” Castiel drifts off, at a loss for words at the sheer magnitude of Dean’s fallible logic. He runs a hand down his face. “I can’t believe it.”

"And when you said you wanted to talk," Dean continues, head shaking, "Well, I know how your head works. You were gonna make me go over everything that happened in that bedroom, pick it apart so you could have more facts to store in that big brain of yours." He takes a step back, eyes darting everywhere but at Castiel. “Well, this has been enough reminiscing about the glory days for one night. I’m gonna head out. Try to forget any of this ever happened. Have a nice life, Cas.”

“Dean,” Castiel grinds out, “Wait one moment.”

“Yeah, no can do,” Dean says quickly, his face one shade away from terrified, “I have an important appointment-”

“I waited for you for a full hour at Tessa’s house,” Castiel says coldly. “You could grant me at least a minute.”

Chastened, Dean shifts his weight to his other foot. He stares stonily down at the floor, hands shoved deep into his pockets.

“I thought you saw me as convenient,” Castiel says once he’s ready to speak, “so that’s why you chose to make your move. It seemed impossible you’d pick me for any other reason. I had heard you chose a new person to sleep with at every party.”

“What the hell?” Dean murmurs, his green eyes wide in the dim light filtering in through the front doors. “I mean, I did do that, but, Cas, that’s freaking nuts. Obviously you were different.”

“Because I was an awkward teenager with no friends,” Castiel asks, eyebrows raised. “You were the most popular boy in school. Everybody loved you.”

“I mean - debatable,” Dean says, rolling his eyes, “But none of them knew me like you did. You knew how screwed up my life was. How screwed up I was.”

“I could say the same for you,” Castiel points out.

Dean releases a breathy laugh. “I guess so.”

Castiel stares hard at Dean’s face, waiting for some sign of rejection as he takes a step forward, right into his personal space. “I came to the reunion hoping to run into you.”

“So you could finally let me have it after all these years?” Dean asks, only half-joking.

Castiel shakes his head. “I was hoping for some closure.”

Confused, Dean’s eyes narrow. “Happy to give it to you,” he says slowly, “Like I said, I’ve got shit to make up for.”

Castiel shores up his resolve. “Now I’m hoping for a date.”

* * *

Cas waits.

He isn’t sure for how long, but he feels the vibrations from the music downstairs change tempo several times. He doesn’t hear any more voices outside.

Feeling smaller than he has in his entire life, which is saying something, he creeps out of the room. He steals down the stairs, nearly tripping over his and Dean’s abandoned, empty cups.

He lingers on the threshold of Tessa’s house. Maybe Dean got side-tracked by something in the party. Maybe he really intended to come back to Cas. Maybe he is waiting for Cas to find him and prove his interest.

Too many “maybes” for Cas, who prefers to deal with cold, hard facts.

Fact #1: Dean never showed romantic interest in Cas before

Fact #2: Dean only made his advances known after several alcoholic drinks

Fact #3: Boys like Dean don’t fall for boys like Cas

Maybe Cas is just delusional.

Dean is probably with the rest of the partygoers, relaxed and happy with one orgasm under his belt, and looking for more before the night is over.

He can picture Dean’s face if Cas were to track him down: shocked and confused, a little angry Cas is clinging on even after their time together was clearly over.

Cas lets Tessa’s door slam behind him. He should never have come here.

A little squeak to his right nearly sends him jumping out of his skin.

“Cas?”

He squints. “Charlie?”

Her red hair flashes in the darkness as she pushes her bangs back from her face. “Hey, man. I didn’t think I’d see you here.”

“Same,” Cas says weakly. “I - ” He breaks off at the sound of a large sniffle. “Are you alright?”

“’M fine,” Charlie says, ducking her head so her hair falls back in front of her face. “I was getting,” her breath hitches, “some fresh air.”

“It is crowded in there,” Cas says, at a total loss for what to say. But he can’t leave her alone out here, clearly upset.

The worst thing is being alone.

He tries, “I - are you sure you’re alright?”

Charlie noisily sighs through her mouth. “What’s it to you?”

“You’re crying.”

Charlie flinches. “No shit, Sherlock.”

“I - is there anything I can do to help?” Cas asks.

“Unless you can convince Gilda to take me back, not really,” Charlie says, shoulders hunching as she crosses her arms over her chest and stares out at the empty street beyond. She sniffs. “Nobody meets their True Love in high school, or at least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself.”

“It is statistically unlikely,” Cas offers tentatively, “assuming true love exists as well.”

“You don’t believe in true love?”

Cas shakes his head. “Not anymore.”

Charlie turns to him, her eyes wide with surprise. “You too?”

Cas looks away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Uh huh,” Charlie says, and, impossibly, her mouth tips up into the smallest of smiles. “Come on, tell me about it. Misery loves company, right?”

Cas swallows past the lump forming in his throat. “I had my first kiss tonight.”

Charlie’s face falls. She takes a step closer and wraps her arms around him. She smells like a berry-scented shampoo and cheap vodka. “That’s rough, buddy.”

Frozen in shock, Cas doesn’t move. It takes an extra hard squeeze from Charlie to get him to return the hug. Once he does, he finds it strangely comforting.

He doesn’t know Charlie all that well, but in this strange liminal space outside the horror show of Tessa’s party, so far removed from his safe haven in the library, it is exactly what he needs.

Maybe making new friends isn’t as hard as Cas thought.

* * *

“You want... me ?” Dean asks.

“If you’ll have me,” Castiel says, nodding.

“But…” Dean says, looking more than a little lost, “We can’t?” He phrases it like a question.

Castiel tilts his head. “Why not?”

“Because,” Dean splutters, “our history!”

“Our history consists of mutual romantic interest and a few stupid teenage mistakes,” Castiel says evenly. “Hardly insurmountable. You clearly are still attracted to me. I can say the same of you.”

“C’mon, man,” Dean says - pleads, really, “With our baggage, it’ll never work out. It’s been ten years. We’ve changed.”

“I hope for the better,” Castiel says, his eyes narrowing. “Yes, you were a dick back then. But you were also my friend.”

Dean exhales an explosive sigh. “Are we really doing this?”

“If you don’t want to,” Castiel says, his stomach already clenching in anticipation, “I’m not going to force you.”

“No, no, of course I do,” Dean says quickly. “You doing anything now?”

“Other than attending my high school reunion?” Castiel asks with raised eyebrows. “No.”

“Great,” Dean says, his face breaking out into a wide smile. “I think we’ve both maxed out our free drinks a while ago, so what do you say to ditching this snoozefest early?”

“I don’t think I’ve ditched anything in my life,” Castiel says honestly.

Dean laughs and holds out his hand. “Christ, I don’t know how you survived without me.”

Castiel rolls his eyes as he gives Dean’s fingers a squeeze. “I’m starting to wonder about that myself.”

Instead of leading Castiel out of the library, Dean pulls him closer. “Wait a sec, I wanna try something.”

“What?”

But before Castiel can say another word, Dean’s mouth lands on top of his. His lips are warm and slightly dry, and wonderfully devoid of the taste of alcohol.

Castiel buries his hands in the loose material of Dean’s shirt, keeping him anchored in place as he opens his mouth to let Dean’s tongue slip inside. Butterflies take flight in his stomach, and he would probably float away if not for Dean’s steady hand resting on his waist.

Dean breaks the kiss first. But he makes no move to step away, letting his forehead rest against Castiel’s. They stand there, sharing breaths.

Dean breaks the silence. “I’ve always wanted to do that here.”

“You have?” Castiel asks, chuckling almost giddily. He feels, more than sees, Dean’s nod. Cas presses a barely-there kiss against Dean’s lips, whispering, “I’ve always wanted you to blow me under the desks, but at least we were able to satisfy one teenage fantasy today.”

Dean chokes with laughter. Eyes crinkled with the joy of his smile, he gestures to the tables. “I’m down if you are.”

Castiel looks askance at the door. “Maybe when there aren’t as many people to walk in on us. We aren’t even supposed to be here at all.”

Dean surreptitiously adjusts himself in his jeans. He scowls. “Then why torture me like that?”

Castiel shoots him a dry look as he heads for the exit. “Because you owe me, remember?”

“This is some effed up revenge plan you have,” Dean grumbles as he follows.

Castiel holds open the door. He eyes Dean critically. “You aren’t really bothered.”

“Tell that to the boner I popped in my pants like a teenager,” Dean retorts.

“I think it’s flattering.”

“I think you’re enjoying my pain,” Dean says under his breath as they pass the empty welcoming table and cross the threshold out of Edlund High.

“You caught me,” Castiel deadpans.

Dean swings his arm up to wrap around Castiel’s shoulders. He presses a smacking kiss to Castiel’s hair. “Man, I missed you.”

Castiel turns his head to see Dean properly. He’s gorgeous like this, standing under the faint twinkling of stars overhead, a wide grin adorning his face, his expressive eyes dancing with mirth.

“I missed you too, Dean.”

#destiel #destiel fanfic #fanfic #popular dean #loner castiel #hs au #high school reunion #teacher castiel #teacher dean #would you have me would you want me #complete #the story of us verse #rae writes fic

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same-side · 5 years

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hiiii! i just wanna say, i adore your art. second, im teaching myself to draw and while i can draw simple basics (mouths and sometimes eyes if im lucky), im still a beginner. ive watched many art videos and im still a bit confused on wtf im doing. so i just came here to ask if you had any words of wisdom for beginners? could be anything from what tablets to buy to simple mistakes to avoid. ive read some of the other posts here and have found it all extremely helpful so far! Thx for all you do!!

Hey there! Thank you so much!

I would put a read more but tumblr is broken. I’m trying to cover a lot of varied thoughts in little points, so if there’s anything you would like me to elaborate on or otherwise have questions on, feel free to shoot me an ask or dm me!

General

I think the biggest thing to remember is not to compare yourself extensively to others. A little bit of comparison is healthy... But too much will destroy your confidence, motivation, and take the fun out of art. Particularly if you are comparing yourself to someone older than you (life experience and coordination come into play here) or that has been drawing much longer (practice).

Additionally... If you’re not having fun (and you’re not getting paid to do it), don’t force yourself. If you find yourself being frustrated or bored with art, don’t force yourself to do it. That’s how you burn out and get art block! This applies to parts of a peice, too! If you don’t feel like drawing a face or a hand today? don’t force yourself to finish it. Come back to it later when you aren’t as frustrated or are getting better results. Even if its a week or a month from now. Honestly, at any given time I have probably ten headless bodies in my drafts. That’s okay! I just come back to them when I’m ready to do the face. And don’t be afraid to abandon something if it doesn’t feel right!

Something that also doesn’t get said enough.... take care of your body! I never knew when I started art, but artists are supposed to do warmup sketches and stretches and muscle exercises! I didn’t do any of this, and i went through a period of a few months where I was drawing for 5ish hours every single day. I developed carpal tunnel from it! So remember to take care of yourself. Take breaks, stretch, remember to eat.

Practice

Practice!!!! Even if its just for fifteen minutes every day. Or twice a week. But if art is something you really want to get good at, you have to put in the time and effort!! You can’t expect to draw an hour per month and be on the same level as someone who draws an hour a day!

I know I say this a lot but I think the biggest thing is just reference! If you don’t know what something looks like, look at a picture of it when you draw it! To go hand in hand with that, though, don’t just copy what you see! Learn from it and apply it! So take, for example, a shoe! pay attention to the way the heel is shaped, the location of the eyelets for the laces... how large the toe is, how steep the top! While you’re at it, look at other styles of shoes as well, and compare them! See what makes it look like a boot versus a trainer! And then the next time you draw it, hopefully you’ll remember all the things you learned the first time around!

I do lots of studies that serve no purpose other than to teach me things! I use referencing/studies to learn about color theory, shapes, and anatomy in a real environment. For example, hands or fabric folds! Oftentimes I’ll do them timed (20 or 45 minutes) so that I don’t fixate on perfecting things, just on the process itself and what I can learn from it. This also helps with getting better acclimated to your software and more coordinated with what you’re doing. Repetitive learning, like with playing sports.

I’ve realized a lot of people don’t quite understand what a study is? Basically you just look at a photo and try to replicate it so that you can learn about lighting or color theory or textures or anatomy or whatnot. So here’s an example of a timed study.

Additionally, don’t avoid!! We, as humans, have a tendency to avoid things that make us uncomfortable or are difficult. But it will make you a better artist in then end. When I first started, I absolutely hated doing fabric. I felt like I wasn’t good at it. So instead of avoiding drawing clothing, I sat down and did studies and sketches of different kinds of fabric. By the end of this learning period, I became comfortable with it and grew to enjoy it. These days, I adore sketching clothes, and it’s why my pants and shirts and things tend to be detailed instead of stylized in line art. If you don’t like drawing hands because you feel like you aren’t good at it? Sit down, look at a bunch of pictures of different hands, and practice it. By the end, you’ll be more comfortable, you’ll have learned something. Even if you feel like the drawings you ended up with aren’t good, you’ll still have learned, and that’s what matters!

Style

I worked on basics before I tried to develop a style. I made sure to start with a very realistic method at first, so that I could be sure I understood how fabric folds, anatomy, and realistic expressions worked before I tried to stylize them. I think in the long run this approach really paid off for me. It also allowed me to be conscientious of what elements I was absorbing into my artwork. I hear from so many artists that they started drawing when they were younger and into anime or cartoons or things like that, and tried to emulate it. Because those styles became so ingrained into their artistic skillset, it becomes near impossible to iron out those influences and get rid of them later. So starting with realism is a way to ingrain proper anatomy and other good practice into your artwork.

One way to develop style is to take a look at the artwork of someone you admire, and try to list out the things you like form their style - perhaps the thickness of their lines, or the way they do eyes. Do this with several artists, take all those little details you like and try them out! See if you enjoy using them in your own drawing process! Think of it like a grab bag or a pick-n-mix, sprinkling in the elements you like here and there to create something new and your own - not just copying another artists style word for word.

Don’t worry too much about it though; don’t allow yourself to become anxious or fixated on “achieving a style”. Its a natural ever evolving process that comes with time and practice. I know a lot of people get hung up on style, but just take it one day at a time!

Also try to keep in mind what style you’re going for as you begin drawing. And I don’t mean that like sailor moon vs. ghibli. I mean that as in, is this piece going to be a painting, a lineart, a lined painting, cell shading...? It will help you in the longrun if you narrow down the broad kind of style you use, and refine from there.

Workflow

My workflow for paintings is very different from my workflow for lineart and cell shading. A full tutorial on how I do paintings can be found here! A process video for how I cell shade can be found here!

Everyone is going to have a different method that works for them! You just have to experiment and find out how you like to draw! For me, personally, I use color blocking for painting (see the tutorial above) and a spine method for lineart. How the spine method works is that I will draw lines that represent the legs, arms, back, etc. so that I can determine the placement, length, and composition. From there, I’ll add a dark outline that actually shows the shapes of the body. Then, I’ll use thinner lines to add details. This is the method I’ve found that works for me. Another commonly used method that I’m sure you’ve seen is representing body parts with cylinders and cubes. There are lots of good tutorials out there on breaking down bodies into shapes like this!

Something that I do is if I’m not quite happy with a part of a drawing, I don’t just erase it. I duplicate the layer so that I always have the original copy, and then I make changes from there. Sometimes I can end up with five or six different versions of the same arm or face that i’ve made minor changes to. And then I compare and pick the one I like best, or condense all the parts I like from each version to make a “best” version.

Tools

Currently I use Procreate and the standard Ipad with Apple Pencil. Prior to March I was using a Wacom Bamboo Touch and Photoshop Elements 2008. I find its harder for me to do full paintings in procreate, but its made my life a million times easier for lineart and cell shading. The pen pressure is phenomenal, and I also adore that its wireless / active screen instead of plug in like the wacom. The programme itself is intuitive and easy to get the hang of; it simply lacks a lot of the neat tricks that photoshop has, like rendering (lens flares, for example), gradients, and gradient maps. Try testing out different trials of programmes... firealpaca, photoshop, autodesk, whatever it may be! What works for me may not work for you!

#thegodbucky #asks for ts #t talks #long post #art reference

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therealvagabird · 4 years

Text

Jasper Reed

I have a new short story out - a little fluff piece featuring a farming girl rehabilitating a desolate world. More of a short character showcase for an OC and the little homesteader life she leads than anything.

Below the cut, though you can also give it a read and leave a comment on WordPress.

Jasper felt as though her lungs were filled with pure energy when she took a hit from the oxygen canister. Putting the supplemental to her lips like an inhaler, she helped herself to a long drag of fortified O2 as she watched the storm on the horizon.

The sky was grey, as it always was, but far over the western wastes it darkened in an abrupt wall of thunderheads that flashed and crackled with silent lightning, the thunder coming long moments after like a diminished drumroll. There was no telling yet if it would spell rain. Across the barren, rocky expanses of the countryside, transitioning from her small patch of black-soil flats to broad waves of glassy, igneous hills, the sheer size and majesty of the storm couldn’t be ignored. With no mountains to block their progress, and nothing but dust and stone beneath them, the winds could be a fearsome force.

Managing to pull her eyes from the awesome sight, Jasper Reed set her attention back to the task at hand. She wasn’t afraid of the storm – at least she didn’t fear for her life. Regardless, if it decided to roll in the direction of her farmstead it could spell trouble for all her operations if proper precautions weren’t taken. She pulled her facemask back on to ward against the cold, though she yanked off one glove to access the maintenance hatch of the machine in front of her; one of the pipeline regulator pylons which managed the flow of fuel, water, waste, and other underground conduits that fed through its section of the property. Jasper had seen to shutting down all conduits to the outer perimeter of the farm to ensure that if they were damaged in the storm it wouldn’t cause leakage problems. Of course, when she’d accessed the main controls back at the house, just one pylon had to be acting up.

“Ornery thing…” she muttered to herself, muffled by layers of cold-weather gear. One dexterous hand worked its way along several rows of breakers, before she disengaged another latch that allowed access to the circuitry of the controls themselves. She saw that one of the rotors had stripped itself, though she had no clue how. Preparedness was her middle name, however, and so she stepped away to access the half-buried repairs trunk that was attached right by the pylon’s base. A second rotor was retrieved and, with cursing all the while, installed in place of its broken predecessor. Another round of fiddling with the breakers, and the regulator came to life, just to be shut down in the proper manner by Jasper.

“There!” the homesteader exclaimed with a mix of satisfaction and tired relief, slamming the access panel shut and heading back for her home.

Her’s was a multipurpose farmstead in the more rural reaches of Q11-R01-D33-S49. Locals preferred the name Evernest. On the horizon, not an hour’s transit by rover, could be seen the lights of Silvermead township. About the town, a few miles removed from its outer buildings, rose the artificial forms of great steel and concrete buffer walls, same as those that rose like miniature mountains at broken intervals past the edges of the Reed Farmstead, beyond the outer fields and the micro-quarries. It was these buffer walls that ensured storms rolling in off the wastes were seldom fatal, as their colossal bulk prevented largescale uptake of the fragile soil, or even lesser buildings. Still, the walls couldn’t do as much for the other symptoms of the storm, and so people and animals were always encouraged to seek shelter.

Evernest, that region of the countryside in which Silvermead lay, was a rural settlement defined by its prosperous coastline and black-soil flats, along with the glass hills that marked where the wastelands began. It looked like many other places on the barren world of Epsilon Iota IV, or “Menelaus”. Silvermead was itself an ancillary town to the geodesic city of Erde, with the Reed Farmstead included as part of the township. It was – like the vast majority of settlements on Menelaus that were not massive, industrial cities – a colony dedicated to the long-term terraforming of the rocky, near-lifeless planet into something close to what it once was.

Jasper ran up to the steps of her house as the winds began to pick up again. Whether or not the storm passed over was irrelevant when the freezing winds of this time of year were reason alone to shelter inside. Her house – built something like a castle due to the way the architecture of colonial ready-made, reinforced construction approximated a traditional rustic manor – issued a golden glow from its windows promising warmth and reprieve within its otherwise imposing walls.

The beleaguered woman tramped inside and punched in the code to finalize the storm-readiness sequence for the whole farmstead on the terminal in the foyer. Silvermead didn’t have access to many outright luxuries, but they had all the tools needed to survive and thrive in the inhospitable stretches of the Menelaen wastes. Though the changes weren’t obvious to an outside observer, a complex series of mechanical failsafes were in place to prevent any catastrophic damage to the property, whether by natural disaster or freak accident.

Heaving a sigh of relief, Jasper pulled off her outer gear and hung it up in the entryway closet, mind turning to a hot mug of tea.

Jasper Reed was a well-built individual of average height, with broad shoulders and a fair amount of musculature, though her’s was more the build of a working individual and outdoorsman rather than something like a soldier. Her skin was a rich umber, and her features were strong and pronounced, though balanced by enough femininity to appear almost androgynous, with an elegant nose, full lips, sharp jaw, and bold eyes. Those eyes were one of her two more exotic markers, as her irises were a vibrant shade of gold – the color being a purposeful side-effect of expensive enhancements she’d splurged on many years ago. Her hair, likewise, was a rich violet. That was nothing more than simple dye, as her natural hair color was a straw blonde, despite what her dark skin would imply. Her cascading purple locks were brought together into two half-braided pigtails that were tucked away over her shoulders for convenience.

Heading into the kitchen, she had boiling water in just a few moments thanks to the automatic kettle and selected some homegrown loose-leaf she’d dried just at the end of autumn. Seasons were not too different on Menelaus, despite how alien and desolate it appeared, than other temperate or otherwise Terra-like worlds. Most of the year the weather was mild, if dry, with summer being hot but bearable save for the very worst days, while winter was about the same.

As she set the pot to steep, she spared another look out one of the house’s front windows. The Reed stead was a fair plot of black-soil flats, about twenty acres altogether. Most of that was given over to growing plots, though the barrier fences and squat, sturdy shapes of the stables, livestock barn, coops, and the like could be seen at the far edge of the property. Beyond them were the micro-quarries which ground down the glassy stones of the surrounding barrens into more usable topsoil. Quite compact. For almost four years now Jasper had sunk everything she had into maximizing the efficiency and quality of her little piece of Evernest. Where once she’d gotten by on subsistence farming and a few cash crops, now she was the proud producer of most of Silvermead’s artisanal goods and considered among the up-and-coming leaders of the township’s community. Even Erde City had taken notice, though Jasper had been hesitant about accepting anything from the local government, even in the ways of tax credits. She’d helped herself to more irrigation allotments, though. As her farm contributed to large-scale soil fixing and O2 balancing as part of the terraforming effort, she was entitled to enough water to compensate for the lack of natural rains in the thin atmosphere.

Among the fields could be spotted intermittent structures, no more than a handful, but with a distinct rounded shape and greebled texture that seemed to blend with the rest of the farm’s technology only when not given a closer inspection. Jasper, of course, knew what they were, and they were one of the major keys to her meteoric rise to success.

Not three decades had passed since the end of the War. Though the farmer looked about that old herself, she’d been in her teens during that time, and remembered life as a refugee on far-off Terra. A strange virus had swept the scope of the colonies, turning the burgeoning AI systems of humanity against them. It had almost spelled extinction for the entire human race, but by some miracle the machines had been halted, rehabilitated, and all that was left was to rebuild a now fractured galaxy.

Menelaus had once been a garden world of significant population, but both sides of the war had deployed superweapons of devastating power in their battles here, and now most of the planet’s surface was nothing but carbonized glass. It was the Terran Central Government’s wish that one day, through many, many years of careful terraforming, the planet might be coaxed back into working order. Of course, technology was only so advanced, even in this age, and so it was the task of simple people like Jasper to try, acre by acre, to set the natural magic of farming, moisture-locking, fertilizing, excavating, and various other life-seeding techniques to work. To build a biosphere from scratch.

The tea was ready, and as Jasper poured herself a cup her attention was drawn to a shuffling sound from the living room hallway, the kitchen being open to the living room itself.

“Have a nice nap?” Jasper smiled, “It’s alright, I was just freezing to death outdoors, but I’m glad you’re having a relaxing weekend.”

“I’m sorry—” Poppy’s voice sounded apologetic through a yawn, but Jasper just smiled and shook her head.

“No, it’s fine, I had to do a quick repair on one of the regulators. You want tea?” she saw Poppy’s nod from the corner of her eye, and so poured a second cup without a spare word.

Poppy and Jasper had been married for about two years now, with their anniversary having just passed. She was a Silvermead local – self-trained in a multitude of topics. Before Jasper had known her, she was a kind if somewhat awkward girl who spent more time at the local library than at her own rather run-down house. Her impish, darling face, short mousy hair, and overall rustic charm – along with her endless enthusiasm for as wide a range of topics as Jasper was interested in – had captured the homesteader’s heart from the start.

“Is the storm likely to hit the farm?” Poppy asked, taking her mug of tea as the two sat on the couch together, looking out the window at the sun falling towards the western horizon from the comfort of the antique loveseat. The shorter girl was dressed in baggy, comfortable clothes as she was want to do around the house.

“Maybe, but it shouldn’t be a problem,” Jasper allayed, “Don’t worry, hon.”

“What about the micros?” she asked, concern still tinging her voice, “Will they be alright?”

Jasper laughed, “What, like individually? Have you been playing with them again?”

“I meant like if their dispensers would get damaged.” The brown-haired girl pouted, “Don’t tease me! You got all upset last time you had to make repairs.”

“I know, I know,” dark lips planted a quick kiss on a rosy cheek, “They’ll be fine, along with the animals, the fields, the fuel lines – I’ve made sure of it”

The little mounds in the fields, the dispensers – those were the homes of the microtrons, or “micros”. One of the main reasons why Jasper was so unenthusiastic about any government types coming out their way. She remembered when she’d found them; or been gifted them, more like.

Not far from the Reed stead there was another settlement not marked on official maps, and which but a few people in Silvermead were privy to. Tensions had been high between humans and machines ever since the War, even with all moves towards amends. AI units had never been the same since the virus, showing degrees of sapience once reserved for humans alone. In that settlement, there was a colony of AI units – veterans of the War, who preferred isolation to risking reprisal for their past actions, even if they couldn’t be considered responsible. They led lives centered around their own pursuits, not unlike those of Jasper and her other homesteader friends; but where the humans took to farming, fishing, and otherwise trying to keep some balance of nature on this crippled world, the machines devoted themselves to unlocking those technological secrets still leftover, hidden, buried all over the countryside of Menelaus from the time of the War.

The micros had been a gift from these machines in exchange for Jasper’s amicability and discretion – automated harvester units of single-minded intelligence, but far greater sophistication than anything made by human hands alone. Government regulations weren’t fond of unaccounted AI, or any technology that might have some taint from the War on it, so they’d been the guarded secret of the Reed Farmstead.

Poppy liked to talk to them and play with them, when she wasn’t busy. Jasper had tried explaining that the spherical little robots, for how expressive they could be, were little more than advanced drones, but her wife had not had any of it.

“Maybe if we make sure they like us – like us for more than just keeping them repaired – we wouldn’t have to be so fearful about any kind of virus turning them against us one day,” Poppy had explained, in her frank and sincere way, “Maybe they’re not like humans or full AIs, but why would you treat them with any less love than the cat or the chickens?”

Jasper wasn’t the most sentimental type when it came to technology, but she had to admit Poppy’s romantic view of the little drones had rubbed off on her. She did owe the majority of her farm’s efficiency – and the fact she didn’t have to deal with managing any human workers – to the ministrations of the foot-high bots.

“Town fair is next week,” Jasper commented as the two sat close together, sipping their tea. It was delicious – so many people in the colonies had to depend on processed spacer food, but when you were an artisan farmer there were payoffs to all that hard work, “You still wanna make that cake?”

“Of course. I’ve been making sure the chickens stay nice and happy so their eggs will be top notch.” Poppy cracked a sleepy grin.

“Should maybe bring a gift to the machines as well. You reminded me, talking about the micros.” Jasper mulled. The settlement of the rogue bots was just a few miles to the west, in the ruins of what seemed to be some old facility that had weathered the worst of Menelaus’ apocalypse. They didn’t want for much, the AIs who sheltered there, but with the harsh realities of their day to day survival she knew they could get grungy, worn down, etcetera. They might appreciate some fine cleaning oils, crystals, and fresh cloth from the farm.

“Do you think this is gonna work?” Poppy asked then, to the faint rumblings of thunder.

“Is what gonna work?” her wife asked, leaning over to read her face, gold eyes meeting those colored like a deep ocean.

“All the terraforming stuff? I mean, I know from a mathematical standpoint it all makes sense, but – from a regular one? All the time and energy involved? You think people are still going to be rebuilding this world centuries from now?”

Jasper’s brow raised, a stark yellow on her dark face, “Getting a little existential there, hon.”

“Well?” Poppy didn’t appreciate Jasper’s blunt affect sometimes, when she knew they both were capable of serious discussion.

“I don’t see why not. Yeah, it’ll be hard, and a long haul, and random disasters may happen all the same, but—” the farmer shrugged, “Why shouldn’t we try? I think, y’know, so long as everyone works towards a common goal, there’s no reason for it to be impossible. But I understand – I’m honestly more concerned about people and AIs and how they’ll act, rather than things like time, or luck, or fate, I don’t know.”

“Mm.” Poppy muttered. Even when she frowned, her face had a beautiful softness to it.

“Hey,” Jasper leaned in, kissing her temple, “At the end of the day, it’s just us. We can’t change the universe all at once. We can only control our own lives, and how we approach them. And, well, how we treat each other.” She smiled.

“I think I want to try applying for university.” Poppy said then, “I don’t really know what for – maybe I could teach, or just be a clerk, or maybe go to a trade school or something, but – I feel like I’m at my limit for what I can do in Silvermead. It only really has so much to offer.” She looked to Jasper then with wide eyes, “Not here, of course. Not you. Just. I mean. It would be tough, being apart, but – I could achieve something.”

“It’s alright,” the farmer smiled, rubbing her wife’s shoulder. Poppy had dropped hints to this effect in the past. “I’ll support you no matter what you do. I’m proud of you! But you will come back to me, though, won’t you?”

“Of course!” she cried, almost indignant, “I never really wanted to do anything amazing. I just wanted to be content, and maybe help some people. Be important to some people. When I found you, and you offered to let me move in, marry, help on the farm – it was like a dream. But I think I maybe just want to see a little bit more of what’s out there, learn more than I can here, before I settle down for good.”

“We could go together.” Jasper spoke then, as their faces were but an inch apart.

“But the farmstead—”

“It’ll still be here. The micros will maintain things. We could have someone just keep the house. Maybe Preston, or your brother, or even one of the AIs. Maybe Rho?” her face furrowed in thought for a moment, “I never really intended to go anywhere else once I settled down in Evernest. I’d already had enough of travel and cities and whatnot to last a lifetime, but I didn’t consider that those were things you’d never even gotten to experience in the first place.”

“It’d only be to Erde.” Poppy’s head listed to the side, “I mean – I don’t think I’d have any reason to go off-world. Maybe if we took a vacation one day or something.” She laughed.

“Whatever you decide,” Jasper and Poppy’s poses were mirrored as they sat next to each other, looking into each other’s eyes, with the taller woman’s dark skin and almost alien hair and eyes playing off the simple charm of Poppy’s earthy bob and oceanic eyes, “I’m with you one-hundred percent. We can always figure out the details at a better time.”

“Yeah.” Poppy smiled then, before surprise graced her face as Jasper leaned in to catch her lips in a passionate kiss. They drew the moment out for a good several seconds before their lips parted, and a bright flush filled the pale girl’s cheeks. “I’m happy to just have tea with you tonight.”

“Not much of a choice,” Jasper grinned, “Storm’s not gonna pass until morning.”

“Then keep me warm.” Her wife brought her legs up onto the sofa, curling up beside the larger woman, eyes half-closed and steaming mug right below her nostrils.

Jasper reached over the back of the couch for a blanket, and once that was draped over the both of them, she grabbed a manual on chicken raising from the side table. The two women would stay in that pose long after they’d finished their tea, sharing a blanket, each with one arm around the other, reading their respective books.

#short story #oc #my oc #jasper reed #homesteading #romance #sapphic #farming #fluff

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kickdownthewalls · 4 years

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TOP 20 ROCK/METAL ALBUMS OF 2019

Been looking back at the list I made last year and it is hard to say if 2019 was better or not. I feel like, if nothing else, there were fewer let-downs and more out-of-the blue surprises, so I guess that means it was an improvement. For anyone who says there are no good metal albums coming out these days, I say they just need to dig a little. So many great bands have been forming in recent years and started looking back to the origins of metal before death and black metal ruled the world. Since that was the era I grew up in, it isn’t too surprising that a lot of my choices this year hark back to earlier times. Case in point…

20. BEWITCHER - Under the Witching Cross

First up is one of many bands to put a modern spin on a retro sound and this one is even from the PNW (Portland). In this case, the most obvious comparison is early Venom. “Hexenkrieg” even has a chorus like “Acid Queen” and a bridge straight outta “1000 Days in Sodom.” Lyrically, Bewitcher may be even more primitive, with lots of references to Satan, goats, and witching of all sorts. Musically, however, they do show some real diversity and skills, mixing up lightning-fast tunes with slower, pounding metal. No sophomore slump here, thank Satan.

19. INCULTER - Fatal Visions

Norway is starting to establish itself as a home for raw and brutal old-school thrash metal, with the likes of Condor, Deathhammer, and Nekromantheon delivering some wildly OTT albums in recent years. Inculter are a bit newer but really impressed with their debut in 2015 and are back with an even more lethal release in 2019. The riffing is relentless, although the band does do a good job of mixing up the tempos throughout. Still, fast thrash with touches of early Sodom and Sepultura is the core of Inculter’s sound and it is the perfect soundtrack for getting out your aggression here at civilization’s end.

18. MIDNIGHT PRIEST - Aggressive Hauntings

I’ve been following this Portuguese outfit since their debut nearly a decade ago and have seen a solid increase in songwriting and production, along with a solidification of style. Many bands have stolen King Diamond’s sound and style, but Midnight Priest use it as a jumping-off point into a realm of their own. The vocals cover a great range with theatrical lyrics of hauntings, convents, and candles, while the music is firmly in the classic 80s vein with some wildly catchy riffs that remind me as much of Priest and Accept as they do King and Fate.

17. FATAL CURSE - Breaking the Trance

Hailing from the middle of upstate New York, this power trio has more in common with their NWOBHM-loving brethren across the northern border than they do most US bands. Fortunately, they pull it off with the effortlessness only a group of dyed-in-the-wool fans of the music can. Songs like “Can’t Stop the Thunder” and the title track overflow with pure, punchy energy that reminds me of the heyday of Diamond Head and Jaguar. It’s a short but power-packed debut that bodes well for the band’s future.

16. BABYMETAL - Metal Galaxy

Although this might seem out of place, I’ve always had a love for electronic dance music and this is the best combination of metal and dance I’ve heard yet. While the first two Babymetal records had a cool sound, they felt kind of samey and it was hard to really remember any of the individual tracks. Not so here. “Da Da Dance” is pure anime energy, while “Shanti Shanti Shanti” incorporates Indian instrumentation and melodies and “Oh! MAJINAI” can only be called a pirate anthem. Even “PA PA YA!!” with its rap bridge totally rocks. Some folks are turned off by ‘manufactured’ bands like this, which I totally get, but I’m more interested in the results and “Metal Galaxy” is a really solid, diverse album that I’ve come back to many times already.

15. IRON GRIFFIN - Curse of the Sky

Finland is apparently the world’s capitol of metal (most bands per capita) and represents all types well. Iron Griffin is a thoroughly original and enjoyable mix of 70s occult and hard rock, early USPM, and classic epic metal. The production is nice and organic, with each instrument shining through, especially the bass. Vocalist Maija Tiljander can deliver the mellow and screaming parts with equal panache, while all of the instruments are handled by Oskari Räsänen (drummer of the divine Mausoleum Gate). If you enjoyed their EP, this album is 100% better and that is saying something.

14. VIGILANCE - Enter the Endless Abyss

Haven’t heard too many Slovenian heavy metal bands (Hellcats is the only other one I can think of), but Vigilance is quite impressive in both delivery and originality. Their style is a fairly complex mix of classic, speed, and black metal. The riffing is solid, with plenty of Maiden-esque harmonies to be had, while the vocals are gruff in the vein of Amok-era Sentenced. Every song is a bit of a journey, without being overblown, and it makes for a very satisfying album experience.

13. TANITH - In Another Time

After being blown away by their performance at Frost & Fire IV, I was very pleased to see Tanith sign with Metal Blade and release a killer debut. Trying to describe the band’s sound is difficult, as they incorporate a lot of different elements. There is a definite 70s vibe and some early prog-rock influences at work, with complex song structures that thankfully never get self-indulgent. The blending of male and female clean vocals is another highlight and both work remarkably well with the melodic riffs. The bass playing is also worth noting, as it winds its way through each song in perfect counterpoint to whatever the guitar happens to be doing. Bonus points for writing a song about the Cassini probe and its journey to Saturn.

12. ATLANTEAN KODEX - The Course of Empire

When I hear the term ‘epic metal,’ this is exactly what comes to mind. It incorporates the most grandiose elements of bands like Manowar, Bathory, and Solstice, but Atlantean Kodex somehow take it to the next level. This isn’t a collection of catchy songs, it is a weighty opus that you need to sit back and let cascade over you. It has been six years since their last record but you can definitely hear the time was well-spent and great care taken to craft each song just so. Although it doesn’t surpass The White Goddess in grandeur, it is close behind.

11. SUICIDAL ANGELS - Years of Aggression

Greek thrash very much in the vein of the classics from ’88-’90. Solid production, straightforward but great riffing, and a wide range of tempos. There are songs that swing back and forth between fast and slow, some that are mid-tempo throughout, etc. I love that Suicidal Angels sound like they are equally influenced by the Germans and Bay Area thrashers equally, with nods to outliers like Sepultura and Artillery as well. The band tends to sound pretty much the same from album to album, and that is true here as well, but it feels like this is one of the best collection of songs they have put together yet.

10. POUNDER - Uncivilized

Here is another great US band, this time formed by some death metal merchants looking to do something a bit more traditional. Pounder really do a great job covering all the bases and Uncivilized overflows with catchy riffs and melodies, anthemic choruses, and a great deal of diversity. Speed metal like “Red Hot Leather” is followed by a power ballad in the form of the AOR-tinged “Long Time No Love” and both are excellent. Shades of Rainbow permeate tracks like “The Mists of Time” and “Uncivilized.” Early Pretty Maids is a good reference point for the styles covered and the gruff but melodic vocals. Stellar debut and I’m really hoping the band forges on as I think there a great deal of potential here for even better work.

9. TOXIKULL - Cursed and Punished

This one almost slipped under my radar but glad I managed to hear it. This is the stunning sophomore release from Portugal’s Toxikull and is prime power/speed metal with searing vocals and some of the best change-ups and most memorable choruses of the year. Imagine Judas Priest’s Painkiller with more modern production and even more adrenaline and you have a pretty good idea of what to expect. Clocking in at just over a half hour, this is a solid album that never disappoints.

8. DESTRUCTION - Born to Perish

Destruction was never my favorite of the German thrashers but I still enjoyed most of their albums, even if they started to sound pretty much the same shortly after the reunion in 2000. I felt like something was different with this new one, as the opening snare drum assault of the title track got stuck in my head almost immediately. The overall style is still very much modern, thrashy Destruction, but there seems to be a little more melody overall and the songs feel more thought-out and memorable. It is always heartwarming to hear a band releasing one of their strongest albums this far into their career. Now we just need a US tour…

7. MYSTIK - Mystik

Another release that I nearly missed out on is Mystik, who hail from Sweden and pack a real wallop of melodic speed metal with compelling vocals and strong choruses. The production is that perfect balance between pro and underground and gives the music a really timeless feeling. This is another short album that gets to the point and delivers, song after song. The vocals remind me a bit of early Warlock and Acid, while the music has a darker edge and the two complement each other to a T.

6. ROTTING CHRIST - The Heretics

These Greek pioneers have really walked a wide-ranging path over the years, from raw black metal to polished gothic metal, and on into uncharted realms where those elements and more all come together in sublime fashion. There is a truly epic quality to the songs on The Heretics, even with all of the songs being in the 3-5 minute range. Gruff vocals are juxtaposed with clean backing vocals and chanted choruses, with the music covering equally diverse ground. A work of startling, dark beauty and possibly my favorite Rotting Christ record to date.

5. VULTURE - Ghastly Waves & Battered Graves

This is pure German speed metal, with frantic yet melodic riffs, relentless drums, and piercing vocals. Bands like Ranger and Speedtrap brought the sound back to life a few years back and Vulture really take it to the next level. The aggression and rawness is still intact, with nods to early Exodus, but there is a keen sense of melody and strong songwriting that runs throughout the record. Plus, possibly the best album title of the year.

4. AVATARIUM - The Fire I Long For While

I have always enjoyed Avatarium’s records, this is the first time that it feels like the band has really come into its own and produced a remarkable piece of art in the process. The heavy, doomy riffs are still plentiful, but there is a deeper resonance to the melodies and riffs than ever before. The powerful vocals of Jennie-Ann Smith take the center seat, but the increased use of organ and fuzz-heavy guitars and bass really rounds out the sound. The shift from 100% Leif Edling-penned songs to the majority coming from Smith and guitarist Marcus Jidell also no doubt lends to the more unique character of The Fire I Long For (though I must say that “Epitaph of Heroes” would be right at home on Ancient Dreams).

3. DEATH ANGEL - Humanicide

As much as I love many bay area thrash bands, I think Death Angel have secured themselves as my all-time favorite. Their first three albums are timeless and the albums since the reunion have been close behind. The worst thing I can say about any of the records is that they are good but maybe not as memorable as the ones before (notably The Evil Divide and Killing Season). Humanicide is probably my favorite since The Art of Dying, with a wide range of styles, memorable choruses, and the artistic blend of rough and polished that Death Angel does so well.

2. SOILWORK - Verkligheten

It has been a while since I’ve paid that much attention to Soilwork and now I wonder if I’ve been missing out because this album is a monster. The combination of styles here, from melodic death metal with blastbeats to 80s metal to frantic thrash is intoxicating and executed so perfectly, the album just blows right by. “Full Moon Shoals” exemplifies the range perfectly, with one of the best bridges I’ve heard in ages. It feels like Bjorn’s involvement in the retro-minded Night Flight Orchestra has helped to give Soilwork a broader sound as well as a tighter focus on crafting the songs into something more than just a collection of riffs. Even the bonus Underworld EP is consistently strong, while many bands would just toss their throwaway tracks on such a release. For a band’s 11th album, Verkligheten is not just above average but near the top of the band’s best works, period.

1. SACRED REICH - Awakening

Sacred Reich was one of the brightest stars of the late 80s thrash wave, with a strong debut and a timeless follow-up, but, like so many others, they lost their way in the 90s and eventually disbanded. Although it took the band 23 years to finally get their comeback record out, damn, it was totally worth the wait. Everything that I love about Sacred Reich is here: speedy riffs mixed with chugging mosh parts, a hypnotic rhythm section, Phil’s one-of-a-kind vocal assault, and every song a winner. Even “Death Valley,” which I didn’t care much for on first spin, has grown on me with its groovy, stoner vibe. The timing couldn’t be more perfect for Sacred Reich’s heartfelt, socially-conscious lyrics, too, and Awakening is hopefully just that: the dawn of a whole new era for OD and tha Reich!

There may not have been any big-name releases this year, but the underground came through with a ton of brilliant new releases. Narrowing down my list to 20 was more difficult than ever this year and I’d like to mention several other bands that nearly made the list: ALCEST, ANGEL WITCH, APHRODITE, BARBARIAN, CALYX, CRYPT SERMON, DEMON HEAD, EXCUSE, HAUNT, HELLISH GRAVE, KRYPTOS, LUCIFERA, METAL INQUISITOR, ROCK GODDESS, SANHEDRIN, SCREAMER, SMOULDER, and SPIRIT ADRIFT. Definitely check out any and all of these albums, preferably on Bandcamp where you can also buy them.

With so many smaller and retro-minded bands hitting the scene this year, there were also plenty of demos, EPs and 7” singles. Among the best: BEASTMAKER, CIRITH UNGOL DENIAL OF GOD, GALAXY, HAUNT, MIDNIGHT DICE, MIDNIGHT SPELL, SHADOW WARRIOR, SOLICITOR, SOURCE, THE NIGHT ETERNAL, TYRANN, and VISIGOTH. GALAXY in particular has the potential to really be something special and I can’t wait for their next release.

Will 2020 top this year? Hard to say, but there are plenty of promising releases on the way from SODOM, HELLOWEEN, DELAIN, NIGHTWISH, DARK ANGEL, and LUCIFER. Maybe MEGADETH will surprise us with a worthy comeback, too, you never know. It will be a chaotic year for the world, no doubt, so we are going to need some good, solid metal releases to help us cope. Horns up!

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justimajin · 5 years

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Catching a Case of the Doctor Blues ⌠Part 3⌡

⇢ Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

⇢ Genre: Fluff, Comedy, Angst

↳ (2.5k) Doctor/Surgeon AU, Enemies to Lovers AU

⇢ Summary: When asked about Dr. Kim, a string of beautifully aligned words are ready spew from your lips. You could possibly go on and on about how his wonderful stubbornness wasn’t similar to talking to a brick wall, or how his observation skills were especially great in preparing your blood vessels for a drastic rupture or even how one gracious stare of his nearly had you on the verge of ripping your essential documents in half. But it seems that, perhaps, there was a lot more to Dr. Kim then what meets the eye…

⇢ Moodboard Prologue Part 1 Part 2

⇢ Next Update: Friday, April 19

Lingering conversations and hushed whispers echo through the seemingly once peaceful hospital hallways, many attempting to keep their voices low. But it doesn’t stop the racing curiosity, the faint edge that has left everyone balancing on top of their toes so they can witness the glorious sight.

You aim mindlessly to yourself, not quite keeping up with the hospital’s ways and solely focusing on your own rounds. That’s until you end up stumbling near your office and your eyes widen at the particular set of individuals currently bunched up together so similar like a pack.

“What’s going on?” You question, but Jin quickly plants a hand on your mouth and you glare at him.

“Shh.” He swiftly turns his head over and you eyes rack over both Jimin and Jungkook who even seem to be slightly on edge as there eyes remain glued to the outside of your door.

Minutes pass by from the heavy taps from the bottom of his feet hit the ground, absentmindly scanning through the arrange of documents presented in his hands. He remains hostile of the people currently staring at him and you raise a questioning brow, wondering why there was so much focus on Dr. Kim today. After all, he was usually the last thing you wanted to see.

But it’s then when your eyes finally catch onto it; the exact reason for the unanimous silence floating in the air.

Her eyes are subtly down casted when she carefully tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, cheeks painted red when the ongoing stares attach on and don’t leave her alone. The papers in her hand are becoming considerably crumbled with every minute’s passing as she slowly trails after the man promptly walking in front of her, stuck to his side. Her coat is different from his, but its one you’ve seen countless of times roaming around in the hospital, never once thinking it could make an appearance near Dr. Kim.

Jin finally lets you go when they leave on there pathway and you’re at a loss of words.

“Wow, who would have even thought?” Jin exclaims and Jimin nods.

“Right? The Dr. Kim actually hiring an intern?”

“Maybe he needed the help. He does seem busy.” Jungkook shrugs but Jimin lets out an explosive laugh.

“All those years without an intern and he suddenly needs one now?”

“It is strange…” You look away and whisper, but the gesture plants the three pairs of eyes upon you.

“Ooh Y/N are you jealous~” Jimin says.

“What?! No! Never!” The statement only seems to increase the mischievous smile on Jimin’s lips and he laces an arm around you.

“Dr. Kim. Getting wiped by his own intern, the air of love being around them.” He stares off into the distance and you roll your eyes, “And you’re not jealous?!” A dramatic exasperated gasp leaves him when he places a hand on his chest and turns to look at you with blown up eyes. Sometimes you wonder if there was a way for you to magically wave your hands and transform Jimin into a normal friend.

“Uh guys...” Jungkook trails off and captures everyone’s attention, “I think love is far from their situation.”

All of you turn your heads back in Dr. Kim’s direction, whose eyes were still planted on his documents as he continues to pile them onto his new intern’s hands.

“Did you examine the protocols yet?”

“Y-yes, I briefly looked over them an-“

“What about the background medical check on the two new patients?”

“O-oh that, I’ll have it done soo-“

“Is today’s documentation complete?” The increasing harshness of his tone makes you tilt your head in confusion. Since it was the first time you had seen her today, you know she must have recently applied and gotten accepted, so she did have the medical requirements to be in the institution just like the rest of you. However, that does not include the implication that she would be automatically aware of how things run in a hospital.

The girl falls silent under Dr. Kim’s scrutinizing glare, not being able to utter out a single word. The atmosphere between them only feels thick with sheer tension and a part of you is beginning to realize that it was possibly not easy to deal with Dr. Kim on a newly day to day basis like this.

“I’m sorry.” She meekly utters but he scoffs and then shakes his head in disagreement.

“At this rate, maybe you should think about exploring other occupations.” He states, taking the documents he handed over to her to take care of and exiting.

There’s a dense silence as the girl’s feet are buried into the ground and filled with an absence of any gesture to move them. Her head is down-casted, locks of hair covering her face like curtains away from anyone watching. Her fists remain clenched, but your brows furrow when you see her hands subtly shaking.

“Guys, move.” You state, but when no one shifts and the eerie silence remains in the air, you push your way through to the girl’s direction.

Her head stays down but her ears immediately pick up on the frequency of your shoes and she perks up. You let out an inward sigh when you can see the water threatening to fall from her eyes, together with the flicker of fear that flashes within them when her eyes land straight on you and the blaring tag hanging on your front pocket – declaring your status.

“I’ll take that you are Dr. Kim’s intern?” You ask, fully aware of the pending answer but a frown sets on your lips when she just simply nods, not a single word being spoken out.

You reach out your hand, “I’m Dr. L/N, pleased to meet you.”

She stares at your daunting hand, hand moving back and forth slightly many times. But its only when she decides to move forward and shake your hand that the fear in her eyes begins to actually dim down a little.

You give a genuine smile, however before she has the chance to return it, the bumbling pack of misfits intrude on their own.

“You’re Kim’s intern?!” Jimin exclaims, but he’s pushed aside by Jin.

“Forgive Dr. Kim for his words, he can be rather harsh at times.” He holds her hand and gazes into her eyes; a deep red shading her cheeks.

Jungkook pokes his head in as well, “You’re new here? Like me?!”

Already sensing the overwhelming and unnecessary attention being directed towards her, you push out a hand to deflect all of them away.

However, the smallest and most definitely precious of voices comes out from her lips and you’re bewildered at finally being able to hear it.

“Thank you.” She sniffles, “All of you are very nice.”

Jimin lets out a lopped smile, “Did you hear that? We’re nice.”

“I’m sure she was only referring to me.” Jin suggests.

“You didn’t answer my question! Are you also new?” Jungkook whines.

“Wait. What’s your name?” You question, realizing that the girl hadn’t been given the opportunity to introduce herself.

“My name is Park Chaeyoung. And you all are…” She gestures to the chaos going on behind your shoulder.

“I’m Dr. Park! But you can call me Jimin because no one here ever does.”

“Jungkook, I’m also new here and Jimin’s intern.”

“I’m Jin,” He points to you, “Dr. L/N’s intern.”

“Oh, two of you are interns…” Her eyes perk up at the prospect of being with others that were the same as her. “That’s nice.”

“So about Dr. Kim…” You start off, not completely sure on how to address the issue that you weren’t particularly fond of him and that she was basically paired with the worst of your bunch. However, she instantly stiffens at the mention and you regret dampening her mood so suddenly.

“As long as you do what he says, you should be fine.” Jimin waves her off but then she whispers.

“But he asks for so much to be done in such short time. It’s insane.”

“Tell me what he wants you to get done and I can go through it with you. That way if he tries to stress you out again, you know exactly what to do.” You suggest and her eyes widen.

“D-Dr. L/N, you would really do that?”

You nod, “I’m not Dr. Kim’s hugest fan either, so I know it’s a pain to put up with him so often.”

“Thank you so much!”

“Such a golden heart.” Jin dramatically claps and Jimin lets out a loud cheer in the background which causes Jungkook to cover his ears.

You wave them so Chaeyoung can depart from the ongoing chaos already and so that you could finally get back to work.

“Have the patient reports been filed in?” Dr. Kim questions, organizing some of his papers.

Chaeyoung nods, “I’ve documented all of them including both old and newly added patients.”

“Did you go by the ward to assist any patients?”

Chaeyoung nods again, “Yes I did, I made sure that their IV’s were filled and that they were continuing to take the medication prescribed to them. I also documented down any pending concerns of there’s that you can look over.”

“All those notes have been already organized.” She puts a hand out to gesture for him not to go through the tedious process that had already been completed.

“Is that all, Dr. Kim?” Chaeyoung questions, a confident smile radiating out from her opposed to the dejected look she had displayed yesterday.

“Yes, that it is all.” Chaeyoung exits the room and a puzzled frown sits on his lips, eyes narrowing. This, this was too much of a drastic change and his suspicions begin to rise when he gets up from his chair to follow after the girl.

She had already executed everything needed to be done by her with the sole difference of a day. Additionally the work was conducted in a fine layer of detail, something he knows she couldn’t have been able to orchestrate on her own.

You’re taken completely off guard when the documents fall from your hands and splatter onto the white floor, arms tightly encasing you around them. It’s bizarre and the possibility that a blood vessel could actually rupture with increasing pressure alarms you when you try to set yourself free from the person’s grasp, but a small voice peeks out.

“Thank you Dr. L/N!” Chaeyoung doesn’t let you go and a faint chuckle escapes from you. You hadn’t done much – simply shown her the basic ropes of how things should efficiently be done and set her on her own individual pathway.

However, the matter doesn’t settle light as a feather with the person currently sending you an infuriating glare from the opposite end of the hidden hallway. This wasn’t a concern you should have meddle in with when his intern was here to learn, not easily given the answer to all the secrets that had yet to be revealed.

He shakes his head, turning around swiftly to leave when the loud click of his shoes against the floor echoes through.

“Chaeyoung.” You say, exasperated. “Let go please.” The girl refuses to peel herself off from you, even going to the point of following you to your office while still being glued to your side.

“That’s a pretty sight to see.” A low voice speaks out and you give Yoongi an annoyed look when he walks past you with a small smirk on his lips, documents in hand.

“What? Do you also want a hug?” You suggest and Yoongi’s about to turn around to give you a remark for that, but he instead collides with someone who coincidently loves to give out hugs.

“Yoongi~” Jimin clutches onto him much to Yoongi’s own protests, but the man is persistent as he doesn’t let go. A chuckle escapes from you when Yoongi eventually stops struggling and hugs him back.

“There! Now leave, I have things to do.” Yoongi scoffs, hurriedly parting when Jimin spins on his heels to take a look at your current situation.

Chaeyoung eventually releases you but Jimin comes right up to her immediately.

“Have you adjusted well thanks to Y/N?” He questions and she meekly nods.

“Would you be interested in me teaching you anything~” Jimin lowers his voice and immediately you know where he was going with the conversation, unfortunately being friends for him for far too long.

“Jimin. It’s her second day here. Cool it, will you?”

Jimin pouts, “But Y/N…she increases my dopamine levels.”

A repulsive look crosses your features, “That has to be one of the worst pick up lines I have ever heard.”

“Really? I got it from Jin.”

“You got it from Jin?”

“Got what from me?” Jin enters the conversation with Jungkook trailing behind him.

“Terrible pick up lines.” You twist around to see Jimin still staring at Chaeyoung as she darts her eyes over to anywhere that isn’t him.

“Jimin, stop already.” You reach out and pull him from his collar.

“But Y/N~” He whines, “She doesn’t mind it, right?” He looks at her with hopeful eyes but the next words leaving her lips has you doubling over in laughter.

“D-Dr. Park is weird.”

“What?!” Jimin exclaims.

“Dr. Park was always weird. It’s the default setting he comes with.” You shrug and Jimin is beginning to protest already at high volumes. Jin’s laugh radiates through the room while Jungkook is trying to stifle a laugh with his fist in the midst of slowly nodding. Yoongi even pops his head by to see why all of you were causing a disruption once again, especially when he eyes the clock and his rounds are done in replace for a nap.

“Y/N!” The voice rings through, Namjoon hurriedly dashing through the hallways as he attempts to keep his papers from falling away.

You turn around and are pleasantly greeted to him, but soon your eyes land on the man trailing slowly after him, an irritable look plastered on his face.

“Yes?” You question, attempting to ignore Dr. Kim.

“Y/N…how do I say this?” Namjoon whispers, scratching the back of his neck and lowering his tone, causing you to furrow your brows.

“Namjoon, what is it?”

He takes a deep exhale, “The next surgery is up.” He holds up the papers in his hand and your eyes widen, “But this one, will need to be a collaboration.”

He announces the final words and instantly it feels like you’ve been electrocuted, the shock getting administrated to every single fiber of your body.

“Between all surgeons.”

Your eyes flicker to Dr. Kim’s and you greeted with a sharp glare in your own direction.

One single patient….

That you will need to operate on...

With Dr. Kim.

It’s almost like you’ve completely forgotten how to even speak anymore.

#taehyung fanfic #bts fanfic #taehyung fluff #thebtstown #btsprotectnet #taehyung angst #taehyung doctor au #kim taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung #bts taehyung #bts v #bts v fanfic #bts v doctor au #bts doctor au #bts fluff #bts angst #bts scenarios #bts imagines

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fulcrum-agent · 5 years

Text

About the Character - Ashe of Dalmasca

NAME OF YOUR CHARACTER:

Ashe of Dalmasca (Princess* Ashla Manasse)

ALIAS OF YOUR CHARACTER:

Ashe, Phoenix (Little Phoenix), the Princess of the Heart, the Lioness Rampant

ONE PICTURE YOU LIKE BEST OF YOUR CHARACTER’S FC:

Dark Embers (Balmung)

While I am updating all of the graphics for the FC, I still really love how the original logo (which is above, once you ditch the Year Five! subtitle) turned out for the FC. The new one is in progress, as I lost all of my layer styles and PSDs during the issues with my PC.

TWO HEADCANONS YOU HAVE FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

[ Twinthings ]

Most twins have some sort of innate bond, particularly monozygotic and bi-monozygotic (there’s a third, yet unnamed type of twin science is looking into, so I gave it a name, your welcome science), but the bond shared between Ashe and Rel exists on a deep and complex aetheric level. The existence of such has manifested several times over the course of the Manasse Twins lives.

While minor changes to her aetheric configuration, such as colouration changes or ‘hiding’ her freckles, don’t affect her twin all that much, major changes to Ashe’s aetheric configuration - like longer-term aetheric dispersal - do have an impact on Rel.

Despite being in their 40s, Rel looks remarkably young, though not quite as young as Ashe does. He’s only just starting to get his first grey hairs, and there aren’t many of them. This discrepancy stems from the handful of times that Ashe's aether has shattered, for a total of somewhere around 7 - 10 years of ‘missing’ time; while she looks barely 30, Rel looks to be in his mid-30s or so.

Major alterations to their forms brought about by things like injury also reflect from one twin to the other, to varying degrees. While Rel’s hands were nearly destroyed during the battle at Nalbina Fortress, his sister frequently has arthritis-like symptoms in her hands, particularly within the palms, which is where most of the damage to Rel’s hands occurred. And while his scar has faded quite a bit more than hers, the scar across the bridge of Ashe’s nose is from an injury her brother suffered not long after Nalbina.

There’s quite a number of additional scientific and anecdotal things involving twins that I’ve as headcanons for the Manasse Twins, but the above is the most modified version of such.

[ Aetherology as Particle Physics Science ]

As much as people baulk upon the initial hearing of this phrase, the game has plenty to support the idea that a lot of aetherology has roots in quantum and particle physics. The most notable being the way the aetheryte systems and other forms of teleportation are described/how they work.

The specifics of Ashe’s Echo gift are all based on this concept, built on the same sort of idea as the Sphere Rote system of Mage: the Ascension. The applications of this are only limited by the person’s imagination and their ability to think on their feet - much like on the fly Rote casting in MtA, which I got pretty good at (I also dodged Paradox like a champ, but that’s for another post).

However, much like MtA’s Sphere system, there are a number of things that can limit how much or how fantastical Ashe’s use of this can be. While it’s not quite like the Paradox system, there’s a similar underlying concept. There’s checks and balances on this, even though they weren’t all that clear near the beginning of playing Ashe, due to having to frequently make the Storyteller call of removing the limiters to deal with certain RP situations.

Underpinning all of this is Ashe’s core Echo gift - the ability to ‘see’ aether in its rawest forms. Much like Neo in the Matrix, the minutiae structure of aether is plain to her, though how it’s actually seen is more like the colour/shade overlays of the Miraluka sight in KotOR.

THREE THINGS THAT YOUR CHARACTER LIKES DOING IN THEIR FREE TIME:

Cooking - While she’s always been a capable enough cook, after spending time learning the more granular layers of the art from Elric, the Roegadyn chef employed by the Knight-Captain, cooking has become something that is relaxing, even though she’s constantly challenging her skill level with new styles, techniques, and recipes.

Writing - Although she’s thus far only published translated works since arriving in Eorzea, Ashe writes frequently. Sometimes it’s just updating her journal (though I’m shite at that since a couple of months after starting the character), or working on writing the modern history of the Kingdom, or working on the occasional piece of fiction. Aside from long-form novella writing, she’s got some skill with poetry and prose and can write song lyrics, when such a fancy strikes her.

Dancing - Most make the mistake of thinking that Ashe learned how to dance due to her family’s station prior to the invasion, however, they would be mistaken. Ashe loves dancing, having learned and taught herself myriad of different styles and techniques, as well as creating something of a fusion style with all she knows. Though she doesn’t get to dance often, she does really enjoy such.

SEVEN PEOPLE THAT YOUR CHARACTER LOVES/LIKES/RESPECTS**:

[ I. Her Knight ]

{ @thelionofdalmasca }

There will always be a soft spot in Ashe’s heart for the squire that had been assigned to guard her when she was a child. No matter the trouble she got up to, no matter how well hidden she was, he’d always find her, being sure to make her smile and laugh before guiding her home.

[ I. The Lion of Dalmasca ]

{ @thelionofdalmasca }

Despite the passing of decades, the man the squire became ultimately didn’t fail in keeping the promise he made to her when they were but children - that he would always find her. Though the passage of time has greatly changed him, and though their paths have since parted, she’ll always care about him, and always - though sometimes begrudgingly - respect him.

[ II. Her Starlight ]

{ @jurien-ashur }

If someone had told her how important he’d become, how integral a part of her life he’d be, the day she met Jurien, she would have laughed and brushed their words aside.

Perhaps it’s as much of a surprise to her as it is to everyone else that she and Jurien have become something far more than anyone ever imagined. After everything that had come to pass between herself and her Knight, the last thing Ashe was looking for was something that lay between philia, ludus, and pragma***.

Despite the fact their marriage was something of an accident, she can’t bring herself to take off the ring from their eternal bonding ceremony; thus far, he’s given her no reason to want to, and she’s hoping he never will.

[ III. The Doctor ]

The level-headed nature of this Raen, along with his penchant for tea and the higher sciences, led to Ashe coming to respect and trust Doctor Briggs in short order after their first meeting. Before she began her rapid trips between Dalmasca and Eorzea, she considered him something akin to her royal physician, even though she knew he’d never enjoy such an unforgiving position amid the court.

[ IV. The Violet Mage ]

{ @gal-the-violet }

Despite initial uneasiness between the two, Ashe developed a healthy respect for Galtara during her few moons with the Desert Sapphire Company. The woman’s passion for knowledge, both practical and theoretical, gave the Mage something of a foot in the door with Ashe. Her capability as a combatant, as well as her quiet method of leadership, also garnered respect from the Dalmascan.

[ V. The Axe-Maiden ]

{ @vayduh }

While there is still much Ashe doesn’t know about J’veda, what she has seen from the Seeker has earned the woman an odd sort of respect from Ashe, one that’s quite unique to Veda.

The warrior’s confidence with her feelings, stating her mind, and particularly her body and sensuality - while sometimes overwhelming - creates something of longing respect for the Seeker. Ashe would very much so like to be as carefree and confident about such things, but always feels the grip of noblesse oblige and the expectations of her behaviour it places upon her.

[ VI. The Gilded Lily ]

{ @mai-takeda }

Although they’ve not interacted all that often, soft and quiet respect has been growing for the Raen. While initially, she seemed far too naive and far too shy, Ashe has realised there’s more to Mai than she initially expected, finding her wide-eyed selflessness to be incredibly endearing.

[ VII. The Playwrite ]

{ Return to Ivalice NPC }

Despite the fact that he’s a Garlean pureblood, she has nothing but respect and admiration for Jenomis cen Lexentale. His love for her kingdom and the kingdom that came before it, coupled with his passionate sacrifices have deeply touched Ashe, and given her hope for the Garlean people.

With her understanding of auracite, knowledge of the Lucavi, and the geography of Dalmasca, Ashe became something of a fixture within the group attempting to prove the writings passed down within the Lexentale’s family correct. The journey from a return to Rabanastre, to the Lighthouse of Ridorana, and finally deep within the Golmore Jungle to discover the strangely familiar Orbonne Monastery has been something she’s quite thankful to have experienced.

For some time, she’s been working on both a written adaptation of Lexentale’s precious artefact known as the Durai Papers and an adaptation of the play he’s created from the Zodiac Braves myth that’s more palatable to foreigners with no background to the story - primarily, Eorzeans.

TWO THINGS YOUR CHARACTER REGRETS:

Her time as a conscript within the Garlean Military.

Revealing her childhood love to the person whom it was for.

A PHOBIA YOUR CHARACTER HAS:

Arachniphobia****

Tagged by @jurien-ashur (This was sooooo long! And I crashed like six times and lost most of my work on it. YOU HAD BETTER APPRECIATE MY FINISHING THIS.)

Tagging: Everyone in the list of seven people are tagged for this, along with @snow-and-sea, @the-ruby-rogue (WHY YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME ON ME, I WAS SO CONFUSED), @kazexvoss, @arcanakiller, @galla-xiv, @rinrin-rinalys, @aelathetrashcan, @catdette, @velarishiku, @thewitchofthechocoboforest, @zhauric, @garlean-nonsense, @hei-lowell, and anyone else who’s wanting to torture themselves for a few hours!

ANNOTATIONS

* - I made the mistake of not hauling down my line of succession information off my SCA document backup before working out the Manasse family’s place in the nobility and lineages. As it turns out, it all put Ashe into the line of succession, and given the death toll in Dalmasca, she’s now fairly near the top of such. Until there are more clarifications on the leader of Lente’s Tears, and/or perhaps the B’nargin twins’ life before the Garlean invasion, it leaves her within the top 5.

I considered retconning it but got encouragement to keep it, and so I did. It should be noted, that unless something is really super wacky with the Dalmascan story that’s unfolding, Ashe is so not going to become the rule of Dalmasca - and even then, I’d feel awkward as hell and probably not. XD

** - Choosing just seven people was rough because there’s more than that many people that Ashe gets along with, or has respect for while saving space for some of the NPCs she deals with. In the end, I picked just one NPC, even though there are three or four who fit the bill.

Please don’t feel like your character isn’t important to Ashe if they’re not mentioned in this list. All of Ashe’s friends and colleagues are important and cherished by her - and by me.

*** - Anyone who knows me has heard me bitch about how terrible a language English is, in so much as the fact that we have words that have myriad and varying meanings, which leads to far more confusion than necessary. Often, when expressing some sort of ‘love’, I will revert to the 7 Loves created by the ancient Greeks. Because while they still don’t cover the various different types and levels of love, they do a hell of a lot better job of it than English could ever hope to.

Also, as English is nigh a requirement in this world, I prefer the Queen’s English. Deal with it.

**** - Most of my characters have this phobia because my RL arachniphobia is so bad, I can’t even fake that it doesn’t exist for role play fun times.

#a moonlit original #ashe.txt #prompt answers #the princess of the heart #ashe of dalmasca #ashe heiral #holy god juri this was long #also - had to steal screenshots of people because all mine were lost - please don't hate me

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odilekuronuma · 7 years

Text

Berserk: What went wrong?

Art by Kinzoshi.

Hello again, it’s a me.

If you haven’t guessed it by the title, this post will try to address some issues that Berserk supposedly suffers from. Because even though it is generally viewed as a masterpiece, some will find some recurring issue with it, whether it’s the pace, or the tone that has changed etc.And in light of the last chapters it seems relevant now more than ever to make such a post.

But how dare you criticize Berserk? It’s perfect!!

Hold your pitchforks, while I don’t think Berserk suffers too much from the same woes that are common to “lesser” titles, especially shounens, there are definitely some issues with it.My aim with this post is to address the most common complaints about Berserk (the manga not the anime,there’s no point talking about that tbh, it’s just bad) , and what imo are the challenges that face Miura now and in the future.

This post isn’t aimed to be a rant either, since I’ll try to be as unbiased as possible while adressing the issues that are brought up in this post.

I-The pace

So first thing first, we have to address the giant elephant in the room. The most common complaint about Berserk is the frequent and endless breaks. Though we could argue that ever since the announcement about the Berserk anime, we saw the manga resuming publication after it went through its longest hiatus period.

But Miura, knowing how he is, always takes a break, which is pretty much standard at this point, even when he commits to a schedule. So while that itself might be bad, the fans eventually got used to it, and don’t expect him to go for very long before he takes a break.

But that might have a much more significant impact on the manga itself. Namely the pace. And here I’m taking the last 4 chapters as an example.

While I don’t expect the Caska issue to be dealt with in one chapter, it definitely is that it felt a bit dragged out, and the break doesn’t help. Had there not been any break, we’d prolly would have been able to get to the heart of this matter, instead of having to wait till Winter to finally see the resolution to the Caska dilemma.

II- The tone

Many Berserk fans argue that the tone is much lighter now, ever since Guts decided to let go momentarily of his revenge to look for Caska. Some place the shift in tone much further down the road, around the time he acquired new companions, some of which are kids. In fact many outright blame the kids and Miura’s supposed wish to make the manga more kid friendly.

While it’s true that the tone is a bit more lighter now, due to the fact that Guts isn’t a raging lone wolf only obsessed with killing apostles as part of his revenge...I don’t actually think that the kids are to blame, or Miura is trying to make this into a kid friendly manga (as if), not even one bit.

Because there’s still some pretty gruesome things happening, even as Schierke and co got introduced. In fact quite a few of them witnessed those horrors, with the trolls and whatnot. And the tone was definitely darker on Ganishka’s side, who used women for his experiments on the daka and the man made behelit. There’s still a good amount of violence in the manga, especially towards women, but somehow we also saw the introduction of strong female characters (Schierke, Flora, Farnese after reformation,Sonia etc) who counterbalance that, and they definitely act less like damsels in distress.

And on top of that, the tone can get quite dark, as seen in the latest chapter. While it is to be expected since it’s Caska’s dream, Miura didn’t shy away from representing her anxieties in their full glory, and he went even the extra mile to portray them without the usual shading that pretty much censored genitalia in the past.

So all the dark and edgy stuff is just around the corner, and if the tone feels lighter it’s just because Guts isn’t acting like a beast anymore, and actually has companions he cares for and relies on. And even he is aware that it might not last forever.

III- The quality of storytelling

This one will be short, because it’s tied to the previous point. Basically some argue that the storytelling isn’t as great, because the tone has changed. I absolutely cannot agree. Miura is still a great storyteller, and if you believe that violence and gore are what make a good story, or just Berserk, then you prolly shouldn’t be reading it in the first place. Imo that is completely missing the point, Berserk is great because of the characters and the story that is carefully crafted, and Miura is a genius since he can make all the loose ends meet. Which is more than I can say for other authors.

Even if we take a scene as average as a bunch of men drinking alcohol while watching the cherry blossoms, Miura manages to make such a scene super interesting, by giving us access to the characters inner thoughts.

My only gripe with the story is when it becomes too big in scale, and when it’s not centered on the characters themselves. That is particularily true for Griffith’s side, not so much Guts. Guts’ journey is closely related to his own personal struggle, whereas I feel that with Griffith there’s some grand scheme that he plays a role in. It’s not just about his own wish, but what fate has dictated for him.

IV- The art

Ouch now that’s gonna hurt.As much as I don’t agree that the quality of storytelling has decreased, I can’t help but find that the art has been affected quite significantly.

Now to be fair Miura’s art is always changing and evolving. Miura seems to like to experiment with his art, and we saw the art go from a not so great place in the early volumes up to volume 13-14, then become really good if not amazing in the volumes 16-17 which are my favorite period of Miura’s art. Miura even tried to be draw his characters in a more realistic fashion, around Griffith’s rebirth, and the art just got even better and bigger in scale, to the point that it becomes hard to believe it’s just a drawing, and not one of Gustave Doré’s prints..

At any rate, Berserk features some of the best art in the manga industry, and beyond imo. However there is a clear downside to that, it is time consuming, and prolly even tiring. And as Miura gets older, that task won’t get easier. So simplifying his art is inevitable, and I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.

But more than just simplifying his art, Miura made a gamble of sorts, by switching to digital. Many still try to argue that he hasn’t, but if you compare his illustrations in the Grunbeld novel, to the last chapter for example, it becomes clear that Miura uses digital techniques to add some effects to his lineart. Mainly atmospheric effects (fog, light etc).

Credits to Ryu Osaka on Facebook

So there’s some clear difference between Miura’s traditional ink and pen art, and the more recent art featured on the manga that also uses digital techniques to do the backgrounds mostly. And while that’s not bad in itself, you can tell that Miura hasn’t quite mastered digital art. So he has a long way to go before seeing the same quality as his traditional art, if not ever.

I’ll admit I’m a bit biased towards that, because traditional art is more challenging, and time consuming, while digital art and the different softwares it uses are much more practical, and allow you to easily edit your drawing and not worry too much about the placement of the lines or colors for example.So I pretty much hold traditional art in a pedestal, and Miura’s traditional art is simply one of the best I witnessed, period.

So I definitely do see the change in the art direction if you will, and I’m not too happy about it. But I chalk it up to Miura or his assistants not being too familiarized or good at it yet.Things might improve once they get the hang of it, and learn how to make the traditional and digital art blend well together.

Conclusion

So to conclude, I would say that Berserk has overall a few challenges, mainly the pace and the art. The manga would greatly benefit from having a much more consistent release schedule as well as a better pace. The art is still a work in progress I guess, and either way it wouldn’t prevent me or others from reading the manga. We just invested so much time in it, but as someone who has an artistic background it definitely is something that catches my eye and it’s interesting to see where Miura’s art goes from here.

But I definitely think that the manga is doing good overall, there hasn’t been a significant decline in quality, especially when it comes to storytelling. The tone might have changed a bit, but I definitely see it as something that isn’t written in stone, and things could get dark again. And either way Miura still has a boner for drawing dick monsters.So it’s still as edgy as it used to be, just not as much as in your face as in the past.

Hope you liked this analysis. And don’t forget this only reflects my opinion, not two people will share the same views.

#berserk #kentaro miura #analysis

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lithugraph · 7 years

Text

92 Things

I got tagged by @gummyboots

Thanks, it was fun!

I guess I’ll tag @niniel-kirkland and whoever else that sees this and wants to do it (totally optional, as always).

LAST:

1. Drink:

wine

2. Phone call:

My husband

3. Text message:

My two best friends

4. Song you listened to:

Death Cab for Cutie: “You Are a Tourist”

5. Time you cried:

Why do these things always want to know this!? I’m not a crier, all right? I do get choked up at things, but I rarely cry.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice:

No. If I didn’t like you the first time, why would I like you the second?

7. Kissed someone and regretted it:

Yes.

8. Been cheated on:

Not…that I know of? (And don’t really care)

9. Lost someone special:

Who hasn’t?

10. Been depressed:

College. Round 1. Sophomore year. I don’t even like thinking about it now.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up:

Ugh, yes.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14:

Sea green, purple, stormy sky grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends:

Yes.

16. Fallen out of love:

Nope.

17. Laughed until you cried:

Yass.

18. Found out someone was talking about you:

No.

19. Met someone who changed you:

20. Found out who your friends are:

I’ve always known who my friends are

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list:

Yes (see #2)

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life:

All of them. If I don’t know you in real life, I’m not gonna accept your FB friend request.

23. Do you have any pets:

2 cats.

24. Do you want to change your name:

I wanted to when I was younger, but I’m too used to it now (and I think it fits me)

25. What did you do for your last Birthday:

Dude, I don’t even know. My birthday is New Year’s Day. It’s hard getting people together who aren’t hungover, okay?

26. What time did you wake up:

5:30 am.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night:

Sound asleep – first time in daaaaaays!

28. Name something you can’t wait for:

Summer session to end. Also, Thor: Ragnarok – the previews look so badass!

29. When was the last time you saw your mom:

July 4th holiday

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life:

Nothing. Every time I think of something I wish I could change, I think of all the ways experiencing that thing has benefitted me. Retrospect, I guess.

31. What are you listening to right now:

Of Monsters and Men: “Lionheart”

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom:

Yes.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves:

Nicotine withdrawal

34. Most visited website:

google

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME

35. Mole/s:

I totally have the APH Austria chin mole, y’all.

36. Mark/s:

Like from surgery, or stitches? ‘Cuz I have quite a few of those. Two on my left hand and two on my chin.

37. Childhood dream:

Finding dinosaur bones

38. Hair color:

Auburn

39. Long or short hair:

Some people would call my hair short (it’s chin length), but to me, it’s long, lol!

40. Do you have a crush on someone:

I watched the Assassin’s Creed movie just for Michael Fassbender, okay?

41. What do you like about yourself:

Everything.

42. Piercings:

Ears.

43. Blood type:

A-

44. Nickname:

Rammstein

45. Relationship status:

See #2

46. Zodiac:

Capricorn

47. Pronouns:

I / Me

48. Favorite TV Show:

The Americans, Deutschland 83, Doctor Who, Band of Brothers, Sherlock, Downton Abbey, Supernatural, Farscape, Battlestar Galactica

49. Tattoos:

Yes.

50. Right or left hand:

right

51. Surgery:

Yep – left index finger.

52. Hair dyed in different color:

My hair has been every shade of red imaginable. Also a silvery blonde that I rocked for almost two years, but it was murder on my wallet and my scalp.

53. Sport:

I played soccer in elementary school, and I don’t mind watching it either. Fencing is one I’ve always wanted to learn. And I love to run, I just have no time for it right now.

55. Vacation:

What is a vacation?

56. Pair of trainers:

Converse, Converse, and more Converse

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating:

Not right now, but I’m probably gonna have some chips later.

58. Drinking:

Wine.

59. I’m about to:

Post this.

61. Waiting for:

Whether or not I got this scholarship

62. Want:

To get the scholarship!

63. Get married:

See #2

64. Career:

Web development or cybersecurity – preferably penetration testing/ethical hacking

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses:

How about shaking hands? (Not a fan of physical contact)

66. Lips or eyes:

Eyes.

67. Shorter or taller:

Taller

68. Older or younger:

Older.

70. Nice arms or nice stomach:

IDGAF – if I think you’re attractive, you’re attractive

71. Sensitive or loud:

Sensitive – I get over stimulated by loud noises easily

72. Hook up or relationship:

either

73. Troublemaker or hesitant:

Hesitant – though I can be very spontaneous, so long as it goes exactly as I planned ;)

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger:

No.

75. Drank hard liquor:

Yes.

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses:

Nope.

77. Turned someone down:

…probably? Wait..yes. Yes, I have. But in my defense, I had no idea I was being asked out to begin with, so….

78. Sex on the first date:

That’s a no for me.

79. Broken someone’s heart:

Yes.

80. Had your heart broken:

No….because I have no heart to break, ha!

81. Been arrested:

No.

82. Cried when someone died:

Yes.

83. Fallen for a friend:

Yes. My life in high school, summed up right there.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself:

Always.

85. Miracles:

Maaaaaaybeeee?

86. Love at first sight:

So, funny story: When I first “met” my husband, I was at your typical college house party. I knew no one there, save my best friend and her boyfriend. Well, when I got there, she was nowhere to be seen, but I happened to bump into her boyfriend who told me she was consoling a friend of theirs who had just been dumped. Fast forward a bit, I find my best friend, and after a drink or two, I’m feeling more relaxed, so we go hunt down some grub left out on the patio buffet. Hiding on the patio (everyone else was inside by now) was the guy she had been consoling earlier. Despite my growing inebriation, I take one look at this guy and have this single thought flash through my head: “That’s the man you’re gonna marry.” I push it away, namely because I was enjoying being single and at the time, he reminded me too much of my ex, so I avoided him and didn’t even talk to him that night. I didn’t even know his name yet. Fast forward four years later, and that thought that flashed through my head that night came true. Go figure. Was it “love at first sight” or some freaky premonition?

87. Santa Claus:

I used to. And yes, I still critique the Santas at the mall. I mean, if you’re gonna dress up like Saint Nick, you need to legit look the part.

88. Kiss on the first date:

Sure.

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name:

Not giving their names even though they’re not on here, sorry.

91. Eye color:

Chestnut brown

92. Favorite movie:

These movies, I can watch over and over again: The Pianist, Midnight in Paris, Moana, The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney version), Captain America: The Winter Soldier, District 9, Star Wars IV, V, VI, and VII, and Hunger Games – all 4 movies.

#me #92 things #about me meme

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artificialqueens · 7 years

Text

pygmalion (katlaska) -- svetlana

summary: Justin had a habit of drowning in people with beautiful dreams and strange chins. Slow-burn in non-chronological order.

a/n: thank you so much for the response to astronaut! i was very nervous submitting a fic for the first time, but you guys have encouraged me so much. i tried to give back to the community – i wanted to answer the prompt i saw earlier for katlaska slow-burn on the topic of addiction. but somehow it ended up becoming something a little different (or a lot different from anything ive ever written – ft. the least graphic sex scenes ive ever attempted). hopefully, its good!

The first time they fuck is just that: two men with mascara still clinging to their lashes, the last vestiges of Alaska and Katya hanging thin between them. They mark it by putting another stain on Alaska’s couch and knocking over that shitty bottle of cinnamon vodka they shouldn’t have tried.

It goes like this.

“Oh,” Katya says, gesturing at the general region of Alaska’s crotch. “You know, I could take care of that for you.”

Somehow, that makes it worse. Suddenly, she can hear where this night will veer. Maybe it’ll be one bawdy joke and maybe it will be two, then they’ll go at it until Katya sucks something out of her dick, and then they’ll watch Golden Girls and she’ll stare at Katya’s toes curling in time with her laughs. It is a circle, Alaska decides, a bit that reruns even after it’s dead. It’s a sketch that she decidedly never wanted to be a part of. The entire thing seems exhausting.

This is the part where you remind yourself that you can never say no to her, Alaska’s mind supplies, but it isn’t technically true. It’s more like Katya makes it easy to say no; there are fifty million things that Katya wants at any given moment, and as much as she likes sucking dick, she’d be fine if they spent the rest of the night exploring conspiracy theories. But Alaska doesn’t want to say no.

“This is a bad porno,” Alaska decides. “Go for it. Shoot for the fucking moon.”

At least Katya seems to know the script. At some point during the night, she’d started switching in and out of that disgusting Maureen voice and hasn’t stopped since. “Spread your legs for me, baby.”

“Okay, okay. Stop.”

“I’m like a dementor,” Katya says conversationally, “I haven’t actually left anyone a lifeless husk or anything, but –“

“No, like seriously, stop.”

It’s strange how no one talks about Brian’s jaw and how it connects the alien texture of his cheekbones to the sandpaper feeling of his chin. Alaska has never understood either and she presses her thumb against his chin, where his lipstick has smudged. He’s cold, she realizes. He’s cold and his jaw is clenched so tight he’s shaking. When he speaks, it’s clear that the lozenges from earlier have worn off.

Katya or maybe Brian says, “Are we going to do it the bi-curious college girls experimenting way? I can be Mary-Anne the dean’s daughter who’s rebelling against daddy and pursuing a women’s studies major, if you know what I mean.”

“Why are you trying to fuck me in character?”

Fuck, she’s made it awkward. Brian’s eyes are wide enough that she can see the tiny dilated vessels, leftover from the vodka. She thinks it might be hurt, or shock, but they’ve both been in the industry enough to know better. Put enough of yourself into the woman you paint on and you’re Miss. Charisma Uniqueness Nerve and Talent. Too much and you risk confusing fantasy and reality. It’s a dangerous line that Alaska has learned to toe. Addicts, former or otherwise, must take caution not to lose themselves.

How many seconds has it been? Brian is staring at the carpet. One of his lashes has fallen to cover his eye. His wig is gone with his corset and most of his clothes, and only the lashes and communist-red lipstick remain. He makes no move to speak, nor to remove Alaska’s hand.

Justin sighs and drops his hand to Brian’s shoulder, intertwining his other hand through his fingers. “I’ll do it if you’re sure you want to. But I don’t think we should.”

A pause.

“Brian? You know I mean this in a I’m horny, but I’m also worried about you way.”

“No, no,” Brian rushes, “no, you’re right, I’m sorry, it’s just, it’s just that my thoughts are really fucking loud and also, did you know that I find you very attractive?”

“I’m Justin right now.”

Brian blinks like the thought hadn’t even occurred to him, trailing his fingers up Justin’s forearm. “Aren’t you always? Wait, is this philosophy? I don’t think I can have sex and think about philosophy at the same time.”

And it’s simple after that. Whatever’s wrong, it’s none of Justin’s business, and he’s never been one to turn down an invitation to keep things easy. There are better things to drown in, he tells himself, and his mind goes blank as they kiss with just a little too much tongue and Brian wraps his hand around Justin’s dick.

—

Justin wasn’t always so careful. Justin had a habit of drowning in people with beautiful dreams and strange chins. He remembers them in pieces. Phillip, Wesley, Sharon-Aaron, Sharon, Sharon, Sharon. He’d wanted to be deconstructed, unwritten, assimilated into something better than a boy who would never be brave enough to be normal. Sometimes he still wants to drown until he forgets Justin and Alaska and everything in-between. But that’s not what Sharon wants to hear.

“Good,” he says.

Sharon stares back, unimpressed. “Why are you trying to lie to me?”

“I’m not,” Justin says, and it’s true. He’s not really lying so much as he is making a policy of not telling his ex every single thing that runs through his head. Sharon should know that. Or maybe Sharon suspects something. He looks at his nails on the table. That’s probably it. Stripped of Alaska’s razor-sharp plastic manicure, they are pale and ragged. He frowns. They didn’t look so ugly this morning, but that’s the Sharon effect. Somehow talking to her has always made Justin feel like an idiot teen – all at once becoming too much and not enough. “I’m fine. You’re not responsible for my bad decisions.”

Sharon snorts. It suits her more than concern, and a part of him thinks that this should worry him, that he thinks Sharon is at her most beautiful with scorn lining her lips. “That’s what I get for being one of your bad decisions.”

“If you want to put it that way,” Justin starts.

“I have four years of rage I haven’t used on you. I get very creative when I’m angry.”

This part is easy. Sharon smirks, still looking like the crazy punk dreamer who never entirely left the 90’s. Justin bares his teeth back – his horse-face, they called it. “What are you suggesting?”

“That I could read you for being a bitch, but I won’t.”

“It takes one to know one,” Justin drawls.

The teasing is new. Before, it had never really been so verbal – it had been cold fingers up Sharon’s sweater in February, nightmares and fantasies they’d whisper to each other in the mornings. They’d been serious. Sharon had wanted to build something and she could never find the words to explain how; only that she needed to destroy the world to make room. All Justin had known was that he trusted her vision more than his own, even when he was sober.

Thirty-two is too old for learning to create instead of destroy, to invent instead of borrow, but he has to try. But sitting across from Sharon, drinking coffee and not alcohol, he tells himself the world is ten shades brighter.

“How are you really, then?” Sharon asks.

“Just tired,” Justin answers.

—

It starts with Trixie. “Have you seen Katya?”

“No,” Justin says. “Did something happen?”

“No,” Trixie answers. “Nothing. Just wondering. I’m not sure. I haven’t seen her in a while, and she mentioned that you’d been hanging out lately. Sorry if I woke you up. Anyway, I’ll see you later.”

The line goes dead. Across him, Brian snores softly, yesterday’s makeup smeared across his chin and the cushions. Justin will have to get a new couch soon, he tells himself as he shoves his phone across the floor. “You can stop pretending to be asleep now,” he tells Brian.

Morning in Los Angeles is jarringly pale and it has washed Brian of all color. Where the light hits his stubble, he seems brittle like he’s lost weight. He doesn’t open his eyes. “Five more minutes, Mom.”

Justin pushes himself to his feet. He thinks he should expect something, or maybe feel something, but there’s only his stomach twisting itself into a post-clubbing knot. He lingers for a moment anyway, watching the way shadows settle into Brian’s cheekbones. Then, he heads into the kitchen and sets out the blueberries and pancake mix before he can change his mind. The problem is, he knows that he shouldn’t have lied. If anyone speaks Katya, or Brian, it’s Trixie with her strange ability to comprehend half Russian psychopath, half batshit American.

It’s not my problem.

But is it?

Justin is good at reading people. He’s good at cataloguing sidelong glances and knowing when to joke, when to comfort. Sharon had told him her theory once, that all queer kids learn how to be invisible at the right times to avoid dangerous attention, how to do what people expect. Justin stirs the rest of his milk into the pancake mix. He turns on the stove, puts out a pan with a slab of melting butter.

Something is wrong with Brian. It’s not the first time Brian’s annexed Justin’s living room after a show. The amount of tiny plastic hands lurking in wait between the couch cushions is atrocious. But bruises bloom beneath Brian’s eyes. Even after stealing all the blankets, he’d shivered all night. They’d talked yesterday at manic speeds, as if Brian had forgotten that Justin is barely proficient in his brand of logic.

Justin starts scooping the batter onto the pan. No, he decides. It’s not his place. Crazy as he can be, Brian is a private person. It strikes Justin that despite the fact that that he’s heard about every sexual encounter that Brian has had this year, he knows next to nothing about Brian’s life or his mind, that it sounds familiar.

(Once upon a time, there had been a boy who played so many roles that he lost himself.)

Then there’s Brian himself, standing in the kitchen doorway. He shifts from foot to foot, eyes downcast. For once, his awkwardness isn’t funny. Never one to miss an opportunity to get out of cooking, Justin places the spatula in Brian’s hand and pushes him to the stove. There’s a flash of something that tries to be a smile, then, nothing. Only Brian methodically stacking pancakes ceiling high on Justin’s Betty Boop plates.

Just as the silence threatens to swallow them both, Brian mutters, “Sorry.”

Neither of them are looking at each other. “But you didn’t want me to tell Trixie where you were.”

There’s too much whipped cream on the pancakes, which is fine. Justin has an incurable sweet tooth. “I think I might’ve asked you not to yesterday.”

“I don’t remember,” Justin admits. “It was more like I saw the look on your face.”

Brian looks at the ceiling, contemplates the stains there. It’s the last five years mapped out in shadows that never really fade. He turns off the stove and drops the spatula into the sink. “Sorry.”

“Does it make you feel better to say you’re sorry?”

“Not really,” Brian says, and for all that his eyes are oceans, it is nothing like a flood.

“I’m not sure what the problem is,” Justin says instead. “But you can keep coming here if you need a place. You don’t have anything to be sorry for if you just do the dishes or something.”

Because there is a tightness in his lungs that feels like fire when Brian smiles, or maybe a breathless summer in Erie. Because there’s a quality about Brian that seems swing toward happiness no matter what, and Justin can’t help but want to make him laugh. And somewhere along the road, he’d realized that he could say no to the strange three a.m. conversations and crazy childhood stories, but that he didn’t want to.

Because Brian says, “You’re a furry little gnome, and we feed you too much,” holds a straight face for one second, before collapsing into cackles.

“You can’t ruin that show for me,” Justin cuts in, “whatever you do, that’s like the one thing, you can’t ruin Golden Girls.”

But Brian is doing that scream-laugh that’s uniquely his, and Justin can’t help but join in.

—

The second time they fuck, it’s to Prometheus playing in the background. Brian’s dick is heavy against his tongue, and it’s spring and Justin is half-crazy from the moans and the way the couch cushions dig into his erection. And they climax like teens, all shuddering curses and sad, sad stamina. He tells Brian on the way to the trashcan, two used condoms swinging from his hand.

“But okay, did you know, did you know that it’s been a few months? And it’s the craziest thing too, because I think it’s because a month ago, I was going through an occult research phase, and this like, orgy cult got my email and now I’m invited to their moonlit trysts every fortnight.”

Justin laughs. “Are you going to go?”

“I’m thinking about it,” Brian says. He crosses his legs, then his arms, and then makes a truly disgusting face. “I feel like it would be like, like, too soon? I think there’s a level of comfort with myself that I have yet to achieve.”

“So, not the fact that you don’t know if these strangers have STDs.”

Justin sinks into the couch, and Brian pulls him into his arms. Their height difference is such that Justin’s feet dangle off the armrest.

“Well,” Brian says reasonably, “you never know if strangers have STDs. Eating ass is an adventure.”

“So, when you offered to help Violet with her show, that wasn’t community service.”

The arm around him shifts, shaking with laughter. “No, I got finished doing that months ago after they realized that yes, I did leave the stove on. And it wasn’t community service, I was exploring as of yet… ah, unmapped mysteries.”

“Don’t flatter the whore,” Justin says.

Brian wheezes, slamming a hand onto the spot where Justin’s heart beats, his entire body curling inward from laughter. “Mama, are you worried about indirect kisses?”

“I wouldn’t call you indirect. I can smell you from my kitchen before you even knock.”

The briefest touch of lips against his neck, and, “What do I smell like?”

Justin doesn’t remember the last time he felt this light, or even the last time he wanted to feel. Justin is new to wanting things for himself, caught halfway between mania and hesitation, where he can’t help but be too much because that’s better than not enough. But this is soap-bubble-thin and it’s so much easier to deadpan, “Desperation.”

It’s a cheap joke, but Brian laughs, soft and warm. “Did I ever tell you that you’re absolutely shit at reading me?”

“Don’t worry, I know.”

Brian goes still. “You know I’m fine, right? I don’t want to –“

“You’re not,” Justin says, and he has the feeling that Brian doesn’t know which question he’s answering either. He doesn’t want to have this conversation now. It’s too much trying to adjust and his mind’s still stuck on the joke he didn’t tell. “I don’t mind it. I –“

“It’s not fair to you, I know,” Brian interrupts. The hand on Justin’s back has stilled, and god he can hear every car coming down the street through these shitty walls. “You have enough to deal with right now, and I promised I’d tell you soon, it’s just spiraling out of control and I feel like I’m back to who I was ten years ago, and I really don’t want you to meet that person.”

It should worry him, that the moment the emotion reel begins it all feels fake. Suddenly he is transported to grade school where he’s auditioning for a part, making all the exaggerated motions to the back row. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he’s still hanging onto Ms. Zhu telling him that he got the part, and he can’t stop thinking about the things he should do and say. The correct response is to turn around and look Brian in the eye, grip his hands and tell him that it’s more than two fools grasping at permanence. It’s more than two fuck ups in mourning, that you can make something beautiful out of everything ugly. But his thoughts are a storm and he has no real reason to be unhappy.

He wants Brian, or maybe he wants move back to Erie. He wants to shoot up. Justin has never been good at wanting anything.

—

“What do you think?”

“I think that we never watch Contact together and it’s a sign. Also, I’m so fucking scared, Detox, I like, am seriously considering going for someone who regularly admits to being a crazy bitch.”

Detox gives him an unimpressed look. “Bitch, you’re not considering it. Stop trying to pull the shy act. I saw those drunk texts.”

Justin has to smirk at that. “Yeah, but sober is different.”

“Boo-hoo, you have to be responsible for your actions when you don’t have mind-bending shit in you, boo-fucking-hoo, grow up. How hard can it be? You’ve already –“

“Wow, I came here looking for sympathy,” Justin drawls. But it’s what he already knew, and he’s aware that he’s in danger of being slaughtered by Detox for being melodramatic. It’s simple, but –

(Brian turns his phone off and the car plunges into darkness. They are floating over mountains and clouds in a ski lift in Colorado and it sounds more poetic than it is. Later, he hears that Katya and Trixie are taking a break because Katya isn’t good at lines; she’s all the weirdness Brian was afraid to let out and Brian is half-in-love-drowning-mad. Later he hears that Brian hasn’t been on his phone in days, has deleted the half of his friends who are using. But now, there is only Brian and Justin huddling closer for warmth, then closer yet. Their lips meet, and, and, and…)

—

It’s the last thing he thought he’d hear himself say, “Let’s go back to testing it out then. Let’s just hang out, have a good time, let’s talk about shit. I’m probably going to fail at talking about shit right now, because I’m not having a good few months, and you’re not either, but I’ll try if you do.”

Brian blinks before he makes that gross noise again. “I never thought that you’re Trixie’s replacement,” he blurts out. His voice is scratchy like the words have clawed scars into his throat. “You were there at the time, but you’re not, I swear.”

He does turn over then, to find that Brian is looking at him with wide eyes. Up close, he can see that there are fine lines in the corners of those eyes. “Well, obviously. I can pass for a woman in the dark, and she can pass for a woman if you’re blind.”

There’s a quiet snort, and the eyes and nose crinkle together. “Oh my god, we were having a moment.”

Justin considers it, and decides to reenter the moment. “I hope you’re talking to her again.”

Brian frowns. “It’s the good thing about being a whore. Inevitably, something happens like lusting after your best friend and it’s somewhat socially acceptable?”

Justin raises an eyebrow.

“Yes, Mom, I’m talking to her and we’re halfway back to where we were, like good adults. Stop trying to reenact Thanksgiving Dinner.” Then, he tries again, leaning into Justin’s shoulder. “But it’s a little different. I guess we’re more, we’re more learning to laugh about it. That’s what we do.”

“What do we do?” Justin asks. Outside of the tiny plastic hands in the couch, the apartment is clean for the first time in years. Justin’s books are ordered on the shelves, and the refrigerator is stocked with something other than takeout. It seems they’re both better at taking care of others than they are of themselves, and he can work with it. “Can we promise to tell each other when something is wrong? Like we’re joking about it now, but at the end of the jokes, I want to know about you.”

A stray bit of sunlight lands on Brian’s cheek. It’s warm to the touch. “I’ll try,” he agrees.

Beautiful people with strange chins, Justin thinks. Drowning in them felt like justice. But he knows better now than to trade his ideas and for theirs, to lose himself in their visions. Beautiful people with strange chins who are different people, at the end of the day – just as he has changed. He thinks he’s learned how to be ambitious.

He hopes he knows how to dream.

#alaska thunderfuck #katya zamolodchikova #sharon needles #detox icunt #trixie mattel #katlaska #past shalaska #one-sided trixya #slow burn #slight smut #canon compliant #svetlana #rpdr fanfiction #pygmalion #tw mention of substance abuse #submission #tw substance abuse #tw depression

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