#and its so fucking windy today which i actually hate
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list of my grievances in the tags bc this has been the most miserable week ever and the only person i could conceivably complain to is also going through it
#starting strong with at least 2 midterms/papers due every fucking day except monday#moving on to daylight savings happening when i am already sleep deprived as fuck#and then university wide power and internet outage <3#also general malaise and sad vy the time we reach halfway through the week#fucking evil [redacted] midterm#where i study my ass of and flop so bad#in a truly unifixable way i fear#was supposed to be my fun class to goddammit#and its so fucking windy today which i actually hate#gale wind warnibg = cannot sit outside in the sun and forget abt wverything#THEN#i go to cafe for a pick me up and fi ish bibliography#and the internet will not connect no matter what i do#AND#friend is coming to visit me tmrw but its actually just to pic up an ikon pass and she isnt even gonna hang out for a bit#no fault of her own but#its annyoninh on top of all this :(#genuinly the grade thibg is fucking with me so much i had to have done TERRIBLY to go from a 100 to what i have noe#and i thought i did bad but like. not thag bad#anyways i simply want to curl up into a ball and ignore everything for a couple days but ! i cannot#bc paper due tonight and exam tmrw and then saturday i have to go see my brothers performance which#notmally would be rlly fun#but after this week i want to dissapear for a day#and then sunday rehearsal#and then wednesday midtemr again ! fuck me !!#and then friday quiz but at least its onlinr#and then stayrday holi then break which like fun but also means going home#and im already miserable#so not twlling anyone abt grade flop And generally being home = ultra misesable????#squish speaks
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embracing sadness
I think a big part of my problem is that I suppress any uncomfortable emotion. Or maybe just sadness bc it does not last long when I feel it. It usually comes out in irritation or anger anyway but under that mask of rage is a calm pond of sad waiting to be rippled. Today a man put his little boat on the shore and rowed across it. He didnt get there very easy, he had to work on chipping away at that stone façade of bitterness for quite some time. he did this in numerous ways and eventually achieved his goal. He doesnt know it was happening nonetheless he rippled my tear pond. which is strange bc i can really cry at anything. But there is a difference between crying bc something makes you sad and actually BEING sad I think. I digress. It would be impossible for anyone to truly understand especially without knowing all of the shit I mucked through with and because of this man. I love him like no one I ever have before, and I also fucking hate him like I have never hated. And it breaks my heart. 8 years and 1 child later our relationship is over, so why can't I just let this shit go. It is obvious we can not work. were both fucked up, he likes to say "were two fucked up halves of one whole". When he says that I do one of the three things: show repulsion, hug him closer to me, or cry. And today is the latter. Reflecting on the situation i think he was lingering around to talk to me and what did i do? I said " I fucking hate you, I hope you die. I cant stand you, I cant stand to be near you. Go die." Why am I like this? How does it feel to hear that from someone you love? I dont mean any of that so why do I say it. I dont want to be with him, I dont want him to be with anyone else, I want him for myself. make it make sense.
POV: we were in the garage, I was going to clean my car out. he offered to do it bc he is better at it and we both know it. i drove the car out back and we started arguing about money. he doesnt provide for his daughter. he let me know he has money and all i see is red. its cold, 54 degrees and windy. the garage is dusty and tight. I tell him I dont need his fucking help with anything, bc I fucking hate you and want you to die. he drops the shop vac tool. he said he needs the money to "get on my feet. how can i provide for my daughter if i cant provide for my daughter" but I dont care. I only want to hurt him bc i am feeling that way. I call him a pos sleazy scumbag dad for putting the financial burden on me. he goes to walk out the garage door and I kick a bucket he scoffs or something and I say one last time, "i fucking hate you" and punch in the back. slamming the door locking it. i attempt to clean out the car but i just cant. i grip the trunk sobbing, i move to the side, sink to the floor and silent sobs rack me. I want to let it all out, to cry until I cant anymore but there is a knock on the door.
I hope it is him, my heart jumps. I want more interaction.
Me: what?
my 6 year old daughter is at the door knocking asking if she can come in, shes scared. i wipe my tears, the make up and open the door. She has a hoodie and a blanket on with her pink knee high winter socks with moccasins on. I smile at her and she smiles at me. I grab her hand and we go in to get ready for bed. I will have to cry on my own time.
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Teenage Fantasy
Pairing: Henry Cavill x F!Reader
Warnings: Language, Smut, NSFW guys! Henry Cavill being a flirt
Summary: Your day couldn’t get any worse. Your plane was late, baggage lost, your phone dead and you get lost. But thankfully a hot stranger decides to help you out and make the night of this awful day a little bit better.
A/N: I am slowly coming back from my writer’s block so please be patient with me. @idjitmonkey I thought you make like it :) Comments and reblogs always welcomed. Please do not use my work without my concent!
I got lost in who wanted to be tagged in what, so please send me a message or an ask and I’ll make a list <3
TAGS are opened
You exhaled heavily and looked at your phone, coursing your law battery. You have been trying to find your hotel but it seems you got lost. Like really lost, and you weren’t sure if it was due to your lack of road finding or just the mere fact that the universe just seem to hate you today.
The whole day seemed to be awful. Firstly your plane was late, then you lost your baggage, which was thankfully found, and now you lost yourself. How fun! All you wanted was just to sit down and cry. It was cold, windy and all you wanted was a nice beer some onion rings or wings and the bed.
Of course, you could ask someone for directions, but well of course no one seemed to be around. Now when you really needed someone. Like its London, for crying out loud, how is that possible there was no one around.
Oh! And let’s not forget about your battery completely and utterly dead in your phone. Yes. The Universe definitely hates you.
You had two options just keep on walking, hoping to find a bar or something and ask for help, or come back the same way you came, and well… yeah… hope for the best.
“You look lost!” You squealed and jumped hearing a low voice behind you. Dropping your backpack you turned around meeting the eyes of the stranger. “Forgive me! Did not want to scare you”, he chuckled and lifted your bag from the snowy sidewalk. “You seem to be staring at your dead phone for a long time, so I thought I’d come and maybe help?” You quietly thanked the man and took your bag. You gave him the piece of paper with the address of the hotel and sighed.
“I haven’t noticed my battery was dying before like 5 minutes ago, and well I don’t really have a map and it’s cold and…” You sighed and dropped your head completely defeated.
“This is London for you!” He chuckled, looking around. “Have you tried to ask people around?” You narrowed your eyes and crossed your arms around your chest.
“Oh, why haven’t I thought about it. Oh, but wait!” You turned around in a circle, your hands spread. “No people around! I’m not an idiot, you know?!” He frowned and raised his brow.
“Sorry, that was a stupid question.” He awkwardly shrugged, biting his lips in a cute boyish way.
"No. You have been nothing but a star. I'm sorry I'm being emotional." You took a deep breath to relax.. "It's been a shitty day really and getting lost in a city I have never been before is a great way to end it." He frowned and smiled softly. "I'm sorry, you're so nice helping me out and here I am acting like a spoiled brat!"
"It's fine, really. How about we'll go have a beer and then I'll call you a cab?" You opened your mouth to say yes, but then you reminded yourself that you don't know that man at all. But on the other hand you really needed that beer. Or two, eventually five.
"Promise me you won't kidnap me and slit my throat?" There was a pause and then a booming laugh, which made you laugh as well.
"Yeah, this coat was pretty expensive and blood is hard to clean. You're safe!" He send you a wink, going the other way, what you assumed to the pub.
"I would tell you a good way to get rid of it, but I'll wait till we’re in a public place." He laughed again and you followed this strange, nice man. Oh and not to mention. Incredibly hot man! Well, you only live once, right?
**
"Oh gosh he's adorable!" You squealed gazing at the picture of the 'stranger's dog on his phone. You both went into the pub which was ironically close to where you were. You were able to charge your phone, that gave Henry, as he introduced himself, a possibility to buy you a drink. You ordered a beer, some onion rings and now you were on your second bowl and glass and the topic of your conversation turned into animals. On how you'd love to adopt a dog but your landlord is a dick and doesn't let you. And he told you about his best friend Kal and was showing you some photos and videos of him.
"He's the best dog ever!" He smiled softly seeing your hyped expression whenever you were seeing another and another of the pictures.
"Oh I bet he is!" You exclaimed happily, chuckling at the video of Kal and Henry playing around. You gave him back the phone when you noticed some personal pictures of his without Kal. He frowned and looked down, and could help but smile softly at your will to keep his personal life just his. "Oh I hope if I move I will be able to get one of those." You took a sip of your beer and sigh. "My dad hated dogs so we never got one. But now I wish my next landlord will not be such a… well…"
"Dick?" You laughed and nodded. "So what brings you to London?"
"Job interview actually. I got a job offer at the university as a second world war lecturer." He raised his brow and you smirked. "What? I don't look smart enough to be a lecturer?"
"Well, your road reading skills didn't give a great first hand impression", you slapped him playfully in the shoulder and laughed. "I'm joking. You just look too young to be a professor."
"Oh so you go from insults to flirting?" You bit your lip, giving him a playful stare. He widened his eyes and smirked at you, finishing his Guineas. He pointed at your almost empty glass and you nodded. Your job interview wasn't until 4 PM so you could get a little drink. And well who says you can't get flirty with a very handsome stranger, who also seems to be intelligent, charming and funny? "Thank you", you smiled at the waiter who brought another beer for you.
"My trainer will kill me if I get another bowl of those rings" he sighed, visibly wanting another one. You chuckled and ordered another one, sending a flirty wink his way. "If you'll hear news of death on the gym, know it's your fault!" You bit your lip chuckling.
"Life is too short to say no to a good beer and onion rings!" He raised his brow and shook his head in disbelief.
"You're one of a kind, Y/N", you liked the way your name sounded from his lips. It shoot a jilt down your spine. The nice and very sinful one. The one you should not be feeling towards a stranger that you met just two hours ago.
"Oh I'm missing the insult this time" he opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't as he laughed again. "But do tell me, Henry," you whispered his name in the same way he said yours. "Why am I one of a kind?"
"Most women I meet are too focused on the aspect of a perfect body to eat whatever they want. And here you are, eating a third bowl of onion rings and enjoying yet another glass of beer. If you tell me you watch soccer I will have to marry you!"
"Well get a ring then, because I do enjoy some sport in my life, including football", he rolled his eyes the way you corrected him in terms of the soccer term. "And did you just call me fat for not caring of my body?" His eyes widened and he made the most adorable impression of a fish. You put the most serious expression for as long as you could, which was about 10 seconds, before you burst into a fit of laughter.
"You scared the shit out of me!"
"That was fucking precious!" Boldly you put a hand on his, oh God, big thigh. "Relax, I know I don't have a body of a supermodel. But hey, I do enjoy my life too much to be a masochist." He watched you in amusement when you tried to contain your laughter. "Plus", you licked your lip seductively, enjoying the way his Adam's apple uncontrollably bulged. "What's a woman without some curves, right?" Henry swallowed harder and his eyes lowered to your hand on his thigh. You weren't normally so bald but there was something about this man that made you less shy and more flirty than you normally were with guys.
"You truly are perfect Y/N", he whispered in you ear making you blush just a little bit. Trying to blame it on the amount of alcohol, rather than the nice sensation of his breath on your neck. "Really one of a kind!" Your everyday you would probably scream at you for not stopping his hand that started to venture from your knee to your thigh. But today you had an awfully long day and every girl needed a good one night stand once in a while. And something told you that the man in front of you, knew how to make that awful day into a much better night.
"I think I'd like some whisky…" he pulled away and smiled softly. You were sure you heard him whisper 'fucking perfect' before straightening.
"I do have some of it back in my apartment" your heart skipped a bit. How was it possible that this perfect, incredibly handsome man wanted you? No. You wouldn't let your anxiety kill tonight. With no words you unplugged your phone and put it back into your bag. You took your purse out and asked for a receipt feeling Henry's eyes on you. "Y/N, listen if I read the situation wrongly…"
"We need to pay before we leave right?" You sent him a wink and noticed how he exhaled deeply.
"In that occasion, there is no fucking way I'll let you pay. Don't fight me on it!" You left a quick peck on his lips, thanking him quietly, before standing up and putting a coat on. You chuckled hearing his hitched breath and quiet 'fuck' under his nose.
**
You were standing in the middle of the living room gazing around his 'flat', as he was so kind to call it. It was huge. Your last flat could fit in that living room and that made you swallow hard. Just as you were about to say something you heard scratching on the floor and as you turned around to see what that was, a ball of fur jumped at you, making you land on your ass. A booming laugh escaped your lips, feeling a wet tongue traveling through your face.
"Fuck, Kal get away!" You opened your eyes to see Henry standing above you, holding the dog by his collar. "I'm so sorry. I forgot to close the doors to his room when I left… are you ok?" He pulled you up but you only shook your head and kneaded in front of the dog.
"Are you kidding me? This is the best way anyone has ever welcomed me", you started to pet Kal, smiling and giggling at his happy expression. "Aren't you the cutest? Yes… yes you are!!" You didn't care that you sounded mental. Dogs were the most amazing animals and if someone didn't like the fact well they don't have to be in your life.
"Here!" You looked up seeing two glasses of Scotch in Henry's hand and you got up on your feet thanking him quietly. "Normally the girls don't give him that much attention," he smiled at you and looked down at you lips. You raised your brow and took a step closer, completely ignoring the personal space.
"Oh, is someone jealous?" Your free hand landed on his chest, admiring how hard it was. Was this man fucking perfect? Now you really wanted to see him naked.
"What if I am?" His husky, lowered voice made you involuntary close your thighs. You looked up into his darkened eyes. Your hand moving down, slowly. Until it stopped at his belt and without a word you lowered it a bit more and gripped where his, what you assumed and hoped, impressive cock was. You smiled when he groaned quietly at your action. With one sip he drunk all his whisky and closed his eyes when you started to unbutton his belt and Jeans. You followed his lead and finished the drink, handling the empty glass to him. He raised his brow, ready to ask, but shut his mouth, when you kneeled in front of him opening his trousers. Looking up you lowered his boxers, and couldn't help but lick your lips seeing him already semi-erect. Fuck he was so beautiful! He was big, but not too big, but what was more impressive was his girth. Oh yeah, you are going to have fun with the man. You smirked at him and not breaking the eye contact you licked the top of his penis, going from up to the base like a kitten enjoying the best of snacks.
"Holy fuck!" He growled when you swallowed him as slowly as possible, bobbing your head up and down, enjoying the sounds living his mouth. You closed your eyes and swirled you tongue around his clock, drinking up the precum that appeared on the top. "Fuck, sweetheart, baby you gotta stop!" He pulled you away and you looked up at his flashed face, smirking in the most flirty way. Yo stood up and smiled widely, when he pulled you close to him. "You are fucking amazing. Jesus I haven't felt that good in a while, but", you screamed when he took you over his shoulders and started walking to his bed. You giggled when he softly threw you on the bed and laid down towering over you. "Now sweetheart I will make sure you will forget about this awful day you had." You looked up and whined seeing him undressing himself. This man was perfection, and you weren't sure which God you were supposed to thank for this, but yes, for some bizarre reason you got lucky today. His sculpture body was something you only seen on the covers of magazines and not to mention that chest hair. Fuck. Yeah ok, you may have a weird kink for men with chest hair, but who wouldn't seeing the man in front of you?
"You see something you like?" He hovered over you, planting his hands on both sides of your head. It was just now you noticed how beautiful his eyes were. Darkened by the lust they still held the beautiful blueness in them.
"You have this adorable patch of brown in the top of your left eye." He stilled and raised his brow in amusement. He leaned and captured your lips with his.
"No one has ever described it as adorable before", he chuckled and you smiled shyly, embarrassed one of a sudden.
"I like being your first", you sassed winking at him. And it was then when he lost it. He leaned down and covered his face in the crook of your neck laughing. You joined seconds later. It was the first time for you to have so much fun during sex. Even when you were in a relationship sex was always serious and not always something you practically enjoyed. But at this moment you were both excited and amused.
"I'm so fucking happy I decided to take a walk tonight", you moaned when his lips attached themselves on the sensitive spot on your neck. You could feel a smirk on his lips, proud of himself for the sounds you were making. "You really are one of a kind", you jumped a little when he bit you under the ear, smirking at you. Oh this will definitely leave a mark.
"I'll get you back for that!" You hissed playfully. He shook his head and you raised a brow in question.
"I don't even want to know media's reaction if someone noticed a hickey on me!" This made you freeze and you pulled yourself on your arm to a sitting position. Confusion written on your face.
"What do you mean?" You asked, hoping he was making some weird ass joke. At the same time trying to put his face to anyone you know. He sat down opposite you with the same confusion on his face.
"You really have no fucking clue who I am right?" A sly smirked appeared on his handsome face.
"You're scaring me now! Please tell me I'm not about to fuck some politician…" he widened his eyes and then laughed so hard that the tears appeared in his eyes.
"I think I should blame myself for that. Haven't introduced myself properly. Henry Cavill." He extended his hand playfully and you frowned. You did recognise that name from somewhere. He grinned when your eyes widened.
"Fuck! You’re the Witcher!" It was his turn to look surprised. He was expecting Superman. "Hallelujah. I'm about to fuck my teenage fantasy!" You leaned in and kissed him hard, turning him around and pushing on the bed, sitting on his hips. Enjoying the bulge you were feeling beneath you.
"Your teenage fantasy?" He asked, putting his large hands on your hips, apparently enjoying his new position. You took a deep, happy breath when his hands started to move up your thighs. You stood up and undressed yourself. You sat back and captured his lips, your hands on his chest, admiring the Adonis under you.
"I was a geeky kid. My nose was always stuck in books, mostly fantasies. My grandma is Polish and she once gave me Sapkowski's books and well let's say that you should not put a 16 years old horny teenager alone with a book about a broody, strong man, that wields his sword better than anyone else." You kissed his chest, shamefully nipping at his nipple, making his hip raise and a hiss leave his lips.
"Don't tell me you got yourself laid with the Witcher!!" He couldn't control the laugh and looked up smirking, seductively licking your lips.
"Not to the book itself but to the fantasies that my brain made." He shook his head in amusement. "But now that I actually have a really Geralt, let me tell you, kind sir, I will use that opportunity to the maximum." Your tongue traveled through his abdomen and kissed him right above his throbbing cock.
You squealed when he turned, once again towering over you. The blue in his eyes was gone. Oh God, you will get properly fucked. And you couldn't wait for it.
"You are a teaser, you know that?" You moaned when he bit on your sensitive nipple. "Don't want to destroy you fantasy, but I will be the one fucking you brainless, not Geralt", you sobbed when he pushed a finger inside your wet pussy. "Fuck you're tight! Yes baby, I will fuck you till you'll see the stars!" Another and another finger pushed inside you, twirling in a way that it touched this special place and you screamed his name. "Yes, sweety, that's right. I'll be your new fantasy!"
"Henry I'm… fuck Henry… please don't stop!" He increased his pace and you moaned almost pornograpically, when the knot broke and you came like you never came before.
"If that's what I can do with just fingers imagine how you're gonna feel when I'm finally inside of you." He smiled and kissed you softly on your lips. Your hands and legs circled him, getting him as close as possible.
"Condom?" Your voice raspy and low almost as not yours. You could not believe he was able to bring you to that state with just his fingers. how are you supposed to find a man better than him? No, now was not a place nor time to think about that. "Give me that" you took the foil from him and opened it with your teeth. You pushed him off you and strangled him once again, sitting between his thighs. You looked up and smirked, putting a condom on his cock and with no words you lowered your mouth on him, putting the protection perfectly.
"Fuck!" He moaned when your lips left his cock. “That was the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen!" You chuckled and slowly positioned yourself on him.
"Can I ride you, Henry?" you felt his cock twitch at your words and you couldn't help but giggle.
"You little minx… you'll pay for that" he joked and pushed inside of you with one harsh push. You screamed and fell on his chest to muffle the sound. "Fuck baby you're really tight…" he stopped and there was fear in his eyes. "Fuck please tell me…"
"Jesus no!" You laughed and kissed him softly. "It's just been a while. 2 years if I'm being precise."
"I'm sorry." He whispered kissing your shoulders softly, apologetically. "I didn't want to hurt you. I'll go slow." You shook your head and moved up only to lay back down.
"I'm not a glass doll, Henry. I won't break. You're just bigger than anyone I had and I needed to get used to it. Plus…" you straightened and smiled at him. He could swear it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen. "You did promise to fuck me brainless!" There was nothing more you had to say. His hips moved in synchrony with your, pounding at you sensensly. It stunk for a bit but the pleasure tool from it really quickly.
"Go on your knees. I wanna see that beautiful ass while I fuck you." You smiled and obeyed his order, enjoying his tone. Before you were able to get ready he shoved himself inside you. He squeezed your hip, for sure leaving yet another bruise on your body. But you didn't care. You felt your walls clenching second time this night. "Yes baby, come for me. Squeeze my dick!" And you once again obeyed him, feeling all the energy leaving you. You moaned when he didn't stop moving. Your sensitive pussy was still concluding from the orgasm and probably the upcoming one as well. "One more baby. Give me one more." The praise from him made you feel something you haven't felt for a while and you came, feeling something dripping down your thighs.
"Fuck!" He whispered after coming inside the condom. He left you with a hiss and removed the foil from his softening penis. "I don't think I have ever made a woman squirt." Out of any power in you, you fall on the pillow. You whined pathetically when he moved away. "I'm back. Come on spread for me a bit." You once again obeyed him and felt a wet towel between your folds. And you smiled and his softness.
"I really, really like being your first" you whispered when he came back and laid down, inviting you to use his chest as a pillow. The soft movement of his chest put you to sleep before you even noticed.
**
You looked at your vibrating phone and couldn't help but beam in happiness. When you woke up, Henry was still asleep. You knew it was just a one night stand, so to avoid awkwardness you decided to leave earlier. You did, however, felt compelled to leave a letter. You told him how much you enjoyed the night and how the media will never find out about it. And also you left him you number. In case he wanted to call. You wrote him that you didn't expect anything from him but you were open to see each other again.
You really didn't expect anything. So that little text just made your day even better.
'How was the interview?' H.C.
'I will be staying in London for a bit longer', you answered, happy both about the text and your next job.
'I know some good places to eat if you're not too tired.'
Your heart skipped a bit and you beamed at the prospect of spending some time with him.
'How about we order pizza and watch Netflix at yours?'
'Netflix and chill? Yeah I'm in. I'll see you in a bit, baby!'
#henry cavill#henry cavill x you#henry cavill x reader#Witcher#the witcher#henry cavill smut#Smut#my poor attempt of flirty story#my awful joking#fanfiction#real life#real life fanfiction#real life actors#actors fanfics
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25-7-21 12:AM
im writing this as i am making myself some choccy milk. and then i will be writing this as i am drinking said choccy milk. i actually didnt have a bad day today. the weather has been shit tho. like its been windy as fuck all day n it hailed n the thunder was loud as shit. n it rained. a lot. i started learning how to play jealousy, jealousy by olivia rodrigo on the guitar. i reckon that one is my favourite off the album. coz like, im not going through a break up or anything but i do often compare myself to others which Isnt Healthy. and it is also a good song to sing when u need to let things go. like u cant tell me you dont scream the lyrics "HAPPIER! PRETTIER! JEALOUSY! JEALOUSY!" n not feel a bit better. ive finished drinking my choccy milk. yanno, i hate to admit it but i am a very jealous person n i hate it. i am very jealous of my friends brother. hes amazing. hes very pretty and fucking fantastic at art. he also recently came out as trans n like, i wanna do that. i wanna come out so bad but im kinda scared to. although i did change my pronouns on Instagram n just didnt say anything sjskakak. i think i may come out soon tho. so like i got distracted by Minecraft n now its 2am so goodnight lmaoo
soup xxx
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Windy by JEON SOYEON: A Review
So last July 5 Soyeon released her first mini album as a solo act, 'Windy' which takes its name from her alter-ego. It is written, composed, and arranged by Jeon Soyeon with the help of a few professionals in the industry.
This is my review of the album.
#1 BEAM BEAM
The title track 'BEAM BEAM ' is an absolute summer bop. This is a story about Windy in her 20s. It's pop mixed with a little bit of rock. The addition of the electric guitar riffs is perfect in my opinion, it adds to the addictive feel of the song.
It's been a while since I've been so red with love
I'm twenty-four, what I realized now is that, love is fucked
Even if my eyes are sometimes cloudy
Even though at first it doesn't sound like it would be deep lyrics-wise, I still think Soyeon did a good job with this one. Of course, I don't speak Korean so I wouldn't know how her lyrics would sound to native speakers. I still definitely feel the poetic vibe of the lyrics when translated in English. I especially like the part where she says something along the lines of, "I have to start saving, but it takes so long to gain and it's so easy to lose," which I think describes how I feel about my own adult life in general (especially with K-Pop as an obsession, am I right? 😉).
The music video for the title track is well done. It's colorful and I liked the choreography as well. This is a solid 9/10 for me.
#2 Weather
This second track, 'Weather', has actually been spoiled before by Soyeon on a variety show. It was supposed to be the 'DUMDi DUMDi' of 2020. Now that it has been released, I definitely see the qualities of 'Weather' that would make it fit for a girl group, but 'DUMDi DUMDi' was still ultimately the better decision in my opinion.
'Weather' gives me nostalgic vibes. It doesn't even sound old, or have an old type of beat or style, but it gives off upbeat cottagecore. If anyone reading this would like to listen to 'Weather', I suggest listening with headphones because there are some really pretty background vocals in here that is very (G)I-DLE (come to think of it, 'DUMDi DUMDi' had interesting background vocals as well).
My favorite lyrics from this song:
How was your sky today?
How was your day today?
I just thought it was a really interesting way to ask somebody how they're doing or how they're feeling.
Soyeon's vocals in this song is great. I see parts where she's sorta maybe kinda channeling a (G)I-DLE member, maybe she visualized a line or two to be sung by another member.
This is an 8.5/10 for me.
#3 Quit
When I heard the audio snippet for Windy, 'Quit' was one of the songs I was super excited to listen to. There's a satisfying drop for the chorus that I just really, really, really like. And I was not disappointed. Even now as I'm writing this and listening to the song I have to stop from time to time just to savor the song. Yes, it's that song for me.
This is sort of at a faster pace compared to 'Weather', with Soyeon almost rap-singing the whole time. It reminds me of her earlier songs 'Smile' and 'Day of a kid' from Unpretty Rapstar. It has some guitar in the background that is really nice as well.
There are some beautiful vocals in this song too. I had heard the live version of this song when Soyeon sang it during Miyeon's radio show on Naver called 'Gossip IDLE' and it was amazing to listen to. Soyeon is such a strong and stable vocalist that I think it would honestly surprise new fans that she isn't a lead or main vocalist.
The build up towards the chorus is signature Soyeon in my opinion, and it works every time. I like it, I like it a lot.
Don't even get me started with the lyrics. In my opinion, out of the whole album, 'Quit' has the most interesting lyrics. Soyeon had mentioned in an interview that this song is what she imagines someone else would sing to her or about her after a breakup. After reading these lyrics it makes total sense:
Thank you for crying, even if it's the end
Now write songs for me, whatever
This breakup must hurt you too
Implying that Soyeon would be the one writing songs for the person after the breakup. I just think it's brilliant.
The bridge after the last chorus is just *chefs kiss*. She changed up the beat a little and removed some of the instruments, which will make you feel like it's a different song completely, but after a few listens I came to absolutely love that last bridge. I love this song. 10/10.
#4 Psycho
Before the release of Windy, Soyeon described 'Psycho' as a sound she hasn't shown Neverland before, a different (new) side of her. That's exactly how I would describe this song too. It's haunting and dark. It almost has a Billie Eilish-esque quality to it, but spicier.
Did you get what kind of bitch I am?
I like things that are harder than what I can have
Whether it’s money or love, in front of me
I make it kneel before me and I get excited about it
I think this song shows a little of what Soyeon is like when she's feeling a little mischievous and competitive. I already know as a fan that she likes to push boundaries, likes to make music that's better than what she's done previously, and isn't afraid to call people out for what she thinks are injustices. In her 'Lion' rap verse, she basically tells us as much:
I'll bite off your useless courtesy
We tear down your suffocating prejudice
Who would dare to stop me
Careful with my sharp claws
I create a new path no one has attempted before
All those condescending people will click their tongues
But the applause I receive after breaking that prejudice is thrilling
I've had a taste, now I can't deny it
I'm a queen
Which is why I love Soyeon so much. I think 'Psycho' is just the tip of the iceberg. I hope 'Psycho' is just the tip of the iceberg. I would really like to listen to more of this type of music from Soyeon.
Soyeon also achieves a new personal record with 'Psycho', with her rap verse becoming her 2nd fastest rap in her career (barring the 8-second constant).
Overall this song was interesting and enjoyable. 9/10.
#5 Is this bad b****** number? (feat. BIBI and Lee Young Ji)
This is the collaboration of the century. Lee Young Ji is one of my favorite rappers outside of K-Pop, so I was really excited to see her feature in one of Soyeon's songs (she was also in 'BEAM BEAM' music video). I've heard of BIBI before, but I hadn't listened to her songs prior to this. She's pretty famous in the K-Music scene as well.
ITBBN has an addicting dial tone sample to it and a bass-heavy beat that just tells you it's about to go down. K-Rap fans love this track, and for good reason. Lee Young Ji is amazing as usual, and BIBI with her signature laid-back rap-singing, and of course Soyeon. It was actually surprising, because Soyeon changes up the beat completely for her rap verse. It reminds me of 'Giants' by True Damage, where she also rapped as the League of Legends character Akali.
Soyeon of course breaks another personal record in this song, with her rap verse becoming her fastest rap in her career thus far (barring the 8-second constant). And her rap verse says it all:
Oh, why did I make a phone call elsewhere when I'm here?
This crazy good song and an ocean of money
Burning on stage, beauty is a bonus
Everyone knows, in this new generation
Who the leading idol rapper is, if it's king or queen or whoever it is
That's not breezy, she's so Windy
Oh my God, she just lights a fire and wipes it off
Oh no, ew, push-off
From outdated junk
To ancient filth: fuck it
Ring ding bring
No entry except for invited Bibi and Youngji
Generation Z's bad bish
You probably hate us more and more
But you can't help but just want to be a part of it
Even by using money
Right?
This is a 9/10 for me.
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Here I am, after more than a week! 👀 whups～
(Part 1)
tw: mentions of past spousal abuse
Dust in the Wind—Part 2
Ignoring the lack of windows to the outside, it looked like a normal living room. There was a sitting area, with a large, low coffee table surrounded by a spacious L-shaped sectional on one side and two matching arm chairs on the other. It was minimally decorated, though signs of occupancy existed—scatterings of books on the coffee table with papers and notes, a few pairs of Sunnie-sized shoes next to the entrance, a sticky note on the mirror next to the door ("don't stare at yourself TOO much" it said, in rather messy handwriting), and some blankets bunched up here and there. A quiet yet efficient ceiling fan moved air slowly through the underground room, the hardwood floor was dark in color, and a large area rug made the sitting area comfortable, but other than that, it was relatively plain.
The second Sunnie opened the door and walked through, however, Jotaro heard a voice he had planned on never hearing again.
"My darling Sunshine, you've returned to me!" Came a deep exclamation from beyond a corner as a muscular blonde man emerged and rushed over.
"Oh my fucking god-OOF–" was the only thing Sunnie could get out before she was swept up in Dio's arms, her backpack jingling and feet dangling uselessly as he twirled her around. "Put me down, asshole!! We have company!"
"Can you blame me, dearest? I haven't seen you in several days, and it gets oh so terribly lonely down here," the blonde man chuckled, still holding her tight.
"Catherine talks to you daily!! You're fine!!" She complained, wiggling in his unrelenting grasp.
At the mention of her name, the COO huffed a sigh and shut the door behind her.
"Oh, my sweet, she's delightful company, but she's not you," the man cooed, taking and squishing Sunnie's cheeks in his talons adoringly.
Jotaro's jaw and fists clenched so hard they hurt, and Mrs. Gupta put her hand on his shoulder to try to steady him, but Star Platinum had already leapt out, ready to fight.
"Ora!" The Stand shouted, the roar-like battlecry causing Dio to stop twirling Sunnie around and look at the Joestar, expression nearly catlike in its smugness. Sunnie caught her first glimpse of Jotaro's Stand and her eyes widened almost comically.
"Oooooh… big boy…" she whispered in awe.
"You must be this dimension's Jotaro," Dio hummed, amber eyes surveying both the Joestar and his Stand, "Where I come from, your Star Platinum is green."
"Bastard," Jotaro hissed.
"You're not wrong," the man smirked as he set Sunnie down, playfully removing her hat–which he tossed off somewhere–and ruffling her hair as she slid her backpack off and chucked it on the L-shaped portion of the large sectional sofa.
"How the hell did you get here," Jotaro growled, eyes burning with wrath as his entire body tensed, "I killed you."
"Ah, see, there's your problem," Dio grinned, wagging a sharply-manicured claw, "You killed a me. Not me-me."
In an instant, Jotaro's hand was inches from Dio's neck, and a glimmering turquoise and silver hand separated them, slightly tapered fingers spread as if to catch something as the wing shape on the wrist flared wildly.
Jotaro looked to the side to see Dust in the Wind staring at him with narrowed yellow eyes, the sound of distant windchimes clinking as it focused on him with a sharpness that was strange from a relatively featureless face. Sunnie was standing in between the two taller men, green eyes seemingly on fire as they caught his own.
"I will do it, Jotaro," she said, voice low and monotone as she stared at him, unblinking, with an intensity he didn't expect from her. With all the friendliness and casual demeanor he'd seen from her in the short time they'd known each other, this piercingly focused glare was downright out of character, "This is my job."
Jotaro looked back up and saw Dio staring down at Sunnie with a strange look in his eyes, his lips pulled back in a nearly manic grin. It seemed like sheer delight.
"Jotaro, relax," Mrs. Gupta huffed, unphased by the possible violence brewing in front of her as she sat down in a wingback chair opposite a main sofa, "Please, I've had enough headaches dealing with the board today." When there was no movement between the others in the room, she patted her thigh sharply. "Sunnie, call Windy off."
She hesitated, but Dust in the Wind shrank back into Sunnie, glaring at Jotaro the entire time.
"Thank you, Sunnie," Mrs. Gupta said softly, which made Jotaro's brows furrow in realization. He turned, taking his attention off of Dio and turning it to the COO instead.
"You have a Stand as well," he stated, voice soft, and she nodded.
"That I do," she responded, and a massive, lithe, dark, armor-clad figure flashed behind her for a split second, plate armor shining iridescent like the wings of a grackle for the briefest of moments. Jotaro caught a glimpse of a long neck and a helmeted face, veiled on the sides by a long flowing cloth, before the Stand disappeared, "But that is neither here nor there. Dio is not under any circumstances going to hurt you or your family. Should he try, he will be summarily turned into dust."
"You speak of my possible demise so inelegantly, Catherine," Dio sighed, pulling Sunnie gingerly down on the sofa close to him as she made a strange squawking noise in surprise, "It's kind of depressing."
"It is what it is," she replied, leveling him with a bored look.
Jotaro never thought he'd see it, but Dio pouted. It didn't look right to him. It made him uncomfortable to see that monster acting so normal. "So. My question stands," Jotaro demanded, voice sharp. Mrs. Gupta shifted, giving him a tired glance.
"About half a year ago, we received communication from a Speedwagon office near a dig site in northern Norway that a man claiming to be Dio had appeared and wanted to strike a deal with the Foundation. He made his way, in secured vehicles and with appropriate escort, here, to Dallas, where we had an appropriate facility to house him as we ascertained his goal," the COO said, voice level and nearly clinical as she recounted the events, "Once he was deemed a relative non-threat, we began negotiations and arrived at an appropriate arrangement."
Jotaro's eyes immediately locked onto her. "Arrangement?" he practically hissed.
"He offered his body and service in exchange for a safe haven," Mrs. Gupta stated, not even phased by the anger rolling off the Joestar.
"Why the hell did the Foundation agree?" Jotaro growled, "What the fuck could this asshole have that anyone needs?"
"Are you kidding??" Sunnie suddenly yelped, eyes going wide as she leaned forward on the sofa, her demeanor completely changing, "There's so much we can learn from him! His regenerative capabilities in particular are fascinating, so much faster than in other creatures, like planarians!! The scientific applications are not only wide-reaching, but could help so many people in the future. Severed limbs, damaged organs, you name it. Like, holy shit, there's so much potential to help people in his big stupid body!!" Dio chuckled as Sunnie had gotten increasingly animated, green eyes sparkling as she whacked his arm three times to emphasize the 'big stupid body' bit.
"I have a relative who can heal people," Jotaro snapped, "Why not study him?"
"It's not the same and you know it," Sunnie shot back, "Stand abilities can't be bottled and sold as medicine or gene therapies; at least, none we've seen. Not like this. Dio's abilities are entirely biological. When he used the mask on himself, it altered his body. Probably rewrote large swaths of genetic code. These are advances we can actually implement, Jotaro. Don't let your previous experiences cloud your vision."
"And why are you here?" Jotaro asked, glaring at her, "From what I can tell, you were a mere civilian until recently. How much do you know about the mask, or my family's past?"
The second the full weight of his simmering rage seemed to settle with her, Sunnie's eyes widened and her fists tightened. She clammed up, shaking slightly. Dio looked at her and immediately snaked his hand into her hair, rubbing a thumb against her scalp.
"I personally requested her as my companion," he said, voice low, before looking back at Jotaro, "The circumstances were discussed with her and she accepted, knowing full well what she was getting into."
"And, like… I know the basics of what happened. What you went through to save your mom," Sunnie's eyes caught Jotaro's, her gaze sincere, "I'd destroy the world to keep my mom safe. I get it. But him?" She pointed at Dio, "He's not the same one you fought. That man is dead. So your beef isn't with this one."
Mrs. Gupta leaned against one side of her chair. "If it makes you feel any better, Jotaro, we have… ways of determining points of origin. You'd have to ask Ellison about it, but while most of Dio's markers do line up with ours, there are a few that are different enough to prove that he didn't come from here."
"Besides, you can't feel it, can you?" Dio grinned.
"Feel what?" Jotaro snarled, turning his attention to the vampire.
"The inherent connection that we who bear the birthmark have. The connection that I should have to you, and any other members of the Joestar family," he gestured with an elegantly clawed finger to the man in front of him, "because I am in possession of Jonathan Joestar's body."
Jotaro's gaze narrowed.
"I may still be Dio," the vampire continued, crossing one leg over the other, "but I am not your Dio. And there is enough of a difference between us for the bloodline connection to not be there at all. You didn't even notice when I came to this world, did you?"
Jotaro hated to admit that Dio had a point. He had no idea until he was contacted by the Foundation. There had been no indication whatsoever.
Having not received an answer, Dio smirked. "That's what I thought," his eyes narrowed as well, glinting unnaturally as he seemingly read Jotaro's mind, "You truly had no idea."
"Don't gloat, asshole," Sunnie grunted, punching Dio lightly with a small fist, "He gets it."
There was a quiet in the room as Jotaro took everything in. Of course the Foundation would have ways to figure out dimensional points of origin or whatever the hell it was… And this Dio did seem slightly different. Jotaro didn't spend that much time with the one he killed, but he had a feeling that that Dio wouldn't be tolerating Sunnie's casual demeanor towards him. Jotaro sat in the chair next to Mrs. Gupta's, sighing quietly as he mulled over the facts.
"Now, my dear," Dio said out of nowhere, turning to Sunnie, "Let me see them. Are they any better?"
Sunnie stiffened, shrinking inward. "Dio, not now. We have a guest here," she muttered, eyes darting to Jotaro for a split second.
"Come on. Show me," the vampire goaded as Mrs. Gupta sat forward in her seat, an arm propping itself on her leg so she could lean her chin on her hand.
"I'd like to see how they're doing as well, Sunnie," she said, "I have more work to attend to soon, so now is as good a time as any."
"Ugh, fine," Sunnie sighed dramatically, reaching her arms out as one hand reached over to the base of one sleeve. She slowly slid it upwards, revealing lightly freckled pale skin dotted with ugly yellowing bruises in various sizes. She then raised the other sleeve, showing the same there. Jotaro immediately gripped the arm of the chair hard enough to crunch it slightly.
"What the fuck did you do, Dio??"
"No, no, you got it wrong," Sunnie said quickly as Dio's clawed hands ran over her skin, his sharp brows furrowed. "He didn't… these aren't from him."
There was a tense silence as Dio inspected the injuries, and Mrs. Gupta looked at Jotaro with cold steel in her dark eyes.
"Her husband," she whispered, unable to conceal the disgust in her voice.
Oh.
…Oh.
"You know I can heal these, Sunshine," Dio murmured, "I healed Enrico, I can heal you–"
"The lawyer said we need to document how long it takes for them to heal," Catherine said sternly, "It would be suspicious if they suddenly vanished."
"How are the ones on your back? Your legs?" Dio pressed.
She had them there, too? Jotaro's brows drew down over his eyes. No wonder she was wearing long clothes in the Texan heat. He had no idea this entire time, from the moment he saw her in Dallas til the moment that Dio had brought it up, that she was walking around with all of that on her body.
"I mean, still there? It'll take time," she grunted.
"May I see, darling?"
Sunnie scoffed. "I'm not taking my shorts and leggings off, asshole."
"Just the back, then?"
Sunnie heaved another sigh, and Jotaro heard her suck in a breath as she fully shrugged off her cardigan, revealing more skin covered in bruises and a few still-healing cuts on her upper left arm, splotches of reddish yellow littered around the slashed skin. She turned to face away from Dio and he slid the back of her loose sleeveless shirt up.
"Your hand is fucking cold," she said loudly, yelling the last word, but he just clicked his tongue.
"I still think you should have killed him," Dio growled, not paying any mind to her complaint. A snarl, one that Jotaro remembered from a long while ago, lifted the man's lip and he saw a glint of pronounced fang. "It would have been easy for you. Suffocate him, steal his breath, no one would know."
"You know I don't do that. I don't use Windy against people who can't defend themselves," the woman said quietly, but loud enough for Jotaro to hear.
"Even if she did, she'd have to have lived with that for the rest of her life," Mrs. Gupta added, leaning back against one arm of her chair, "She wasn't—isn't—in a mental state for that."
"She could have at least defended herself," Dio responded, the hard anger in his golden eyes fading to a strangely soft concern. It didn't look right on the man. This didn't seem like the Dio Jotaro had killed. The vampire's large, pale hand ran up the apparently very much injured expanse of Sunnie's back, causing her to hiss a little. "You didn't need to endure so much pain."
Jotaro never thought he'd agree with Dio. Dio was evil. Dio was a curse on his family. Dio tried to have him and his friends killed. Dio was a monster.
But seeing these bruises, some still dotted with purples and sickly reds, he couldn't help but agree.
Dio was right.
"I couldn't do that, Dio," she whispered, "He said I deserved it."
Jotaro felt his heart clench. She sounded broken. She had been so calm and composed and casual in all the short time that he'd known her. He'd seen her relative physical strength when she had lifted her mother's heavy school supplies with ease. She was a sturdy woman, and her smile seemed so natural, her laughter so easy.
But there she was: drawn in on herself, battered, and so, so small.
"And he was wrong," Catherine stood from her seat and walked to Sunnie's side, crouching down in front of her spot on the sofa and delicately placing a hand on her knee to comfort her. "And we'll keep drilling that into your head as much as you need, alright?"
Dio moved the hand on her back to her side, sliding up the shirt there, revealing a large, sharp splotched line that wrapped around her waist, like she had been thrown onto or pressed against a sharp-edged corner. Jotaro, at this point, had to duck his gaze behind the brim of his hat. That was too much for him, for some reason. It felt like he was invading her privacy, though she was being rather casual about her skin being on display.
"So, all of that…?" Jotaro muttered, not wanting to meet her eyes.
"Yeah," Sunnie said, glancing at him, "This is from… that asshole." She paused, before gesturing with her head towards Dio, "Not this asshole, though."
"How sweet of you," Dio chuckled, lowering the shirt and giving her good shoulder a soft pat. She quickly pulled the cardigan back on, drawing her legs toward her chest and averting her eyes.
"The Foundation is providing her with legal counsel and a therapist," Catherine said plainly, standing back to her full height and walking to the raised arm of the sofa, leaning against it, "As well as medical assistance when necessary. We're making sure she's well taken care of here."
"…And 'well taken care of' means she stays down here with him?" Jotaro asked, shooting an acidic glance towards Dio.
And Dio reacted with his first open display of displeasure with the Joestar: another snarl, and an incredibly insulted expression. "There is no safer place on this planet for her to be than with me," he growled, "On the off chance that the piece of shit decides to seek out and associate with unsavory types with Stand abilities to track her down, I am the best equipped to protect her."
"And why would I believe anything you say?" Jotaro stood suddenly, advancing on Dio.
To Jotaro's surprise, when Dio stood, he stepped in front of the woman on the sofa, as if he was trying to protect her. "You act like you know me, Jojo. Let me assure you that you don't."
"Alllllright, that's enough!" Sunnie exclaimed, jumping up and standing on the sofa, still not as tall as either Jotaro or Dio, "I'm done with the bullshit!!!! You!!!!" She pointed at Jotaro, "Getting angry at the situation changes nothing. Deal with it. And you!!!!" She smacked the back of Dio's head, "Quit being a shitgibbon. Calm down." She reached out and bunched the stretchy fabric of his skin-tight top in her small fist, and softly added, "...Please."
Dio looked back at her and once again, something about him seemed to soften.
"Of course, Sunshine," he said, his voice low and strangely kind as he sat back down on the sofa with her.
"Just tell me one thing," Jotaro said, voice level and low. Dio's amber eyes settled on him in a calculating gaze that would unnerve most people as Jotaro tried to find the right words. "The… me from where you're from. What happened to his mother?"
They stared at each other for what seemed like forever, both of their faces unreadable, before Dio spoke. "…After I managed to escape the fight in Cairo, he received news of his mother's death."
The clenching of Jotaro's fist was audible in the otherwise nearly dead-quiet room.
"I spent years on the run from the remaining Joestar group, those they added to their ranks, and the Foundation," Dio continued, "All I wanted to do was survive. Jotaro did not make it easy."
"Good," was all Jotaro could say, feeling a roiling mix of emotions in his chest. He stood, looking at Mrs. Gupta. "I'm done here."
"Alright then," she said, standing as well, "Sunnie?" The woman stared at her boss, eyes wide and blinking. "See us out?"
Sunnie nodded and got off the sofa, wincing as she flexed and stretched a little bit. Dio pouted again, tapping her calf with his foot, and she huffed. "I won't be long, dude. Chill."
Seemingly pleased with her answer, the man grinned smugly to himself before picking a book up off the table and settling against the arm of the sofa, flipping to some page midway through. He did, however, spare one last wary glance at Jotaro, who could have sworn he saw Dio's eyes flash a very vivid and untrusting crimson for a split second before he left the room with the two women.
"Sunnie," Jotaro said as soon as he was sure the door was fully closed, eyes and voice soft, "I need you to be wary around him."
"Yeah, I know," she laughed, but Jotaro shook his head firmly.
"I don't know if you understand, though," the Joestar muttered, "He has a way of… his words alone can sway a heart. He can capture minds and twist them."
Her wide grin dropped, and she gave him a strangely stoic and bitter look. "...Yeah. Trust me, I get it."
Mrs. Gupta placed her hand, long and elegant, on Sunnie's right shoulder, and she pulled her close in a light side hug. Jotaro sighed quietly—he couldn't imagine what Sunnie had been through, nor for how long, but figured that she, with the Foundation at her back, could handle herself.
"Sunnie?" The COO asked softly, offering her hand to the short woman. Sunnie quickly pulled out a pen from her pocket and began writing something on the lighter skin of Mrs. Gupta's palm, glancing at Jotaro a couple of times. Confused, but not wanting to intrude, Jotaro waited. When Sunnie was done, Mrs. Gupta looked at her hand and stifled a laugh, and Sunnie sent a mischievous little smirk Jotaro's way.
"Be seeing you, Jotaro," she said. He nodded to her, following Mrs. Gupta out of the first set of sliding doors. When the doors closed, she let out another little laugh.
"Sometimes she writes things on my hand that she doesn't want to say out loud, like if she wants a certain kind of food or another blanket," she said, showing him her palm.
It was a caricature of Jotaro's face, glowering, with the words 'grumpy mcgrumperson' underneath.
Well. Hm.
"She hid it well, didn't she?" Mrs. Gupta asked as soon as the second sliding door closed, voice light and strangely conversational, "All that pain she's in—mentally and physically."
"Too well," Jotaro muttered, and Mrs. Gupta nodded, sighing.
"We actually wouldn't have known about it if Dio hadn't smelled the blood from her shoulder, you know." Jotaro looked at her confusedly, and she continued, "She was hoping she'd just hide from her husband by sleeping in her car, but Dio insisted that she stay with him here. Now she splits time between the Foundation and her parents' house."
"And you just let that happen?"
They arrived in front of the elevator at the end of the hall, and Mrs. Gupta held her hand up to the scanner. When it beeped in acceptance, she pressed a couple of buttons and they waited for the door to open. "I understand that you don't trust him, as you've made so abundantly clear. But I have a reason for giving the go ahead for this. You're going to have to trust us."
The elevator opened and she stepped inside, Jotaro following before the door shut once more.
"...How are you sure that he's going to keep his word?"Jotaro asked, and Mrs. Gupta glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes for a moment before looking back ahead of them.
"Before I became COO, I worked in… outreach," she said, "I was tasked with finding other Stand users, both natural and unnatural. I've met quite a few people and… others with useful abilities that way."
Jotaro's eyes narrowed. "Is that how you rose in the ranks so quickly?"
She crossed her arms, a small but sly smile on her full lips. "I have goals, Dr. Kujo. I would be a fool if I didn't take the opportunity to use the resources available to me to achieve them. I'm sure you understand." The elevator door opened to a short hallway with softly glowing wall sconces, and she stepped out, motioning for him to follow. "Now, we can discuss more in my office. Come."
Jotaro felt himself deflate slightly—he was getting tired, his limit for dealing with people nearly reached for the day, but he did want to speak with her for a while without Dio around. So he followed, and shut the door behind himself.
To Be Continued...
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Literally, it doesn’t matter what I do - if I don’t do it like my mother would, it’s wrong and it needs to be pointed out.
Scrubbing the oven by hand instead of using the automatic cleaning function? “That would be much faster and cleaner [than you would ever clean] [you just have to halfway disassemble the oven first for it to work].”
Doing the laundry late at night because my cats got fleas on my bed and I want to finish washing everything on the weekend? On a night everyone else is out and it won’t keep anyone up? “It’s a bit late for that, don’t you think?”
Doing something different while baking than how she learned it? “Oh, you should do it like this, the cake gets better that way.” Nevermind that I’ve been baking for 12+ years now and know how to see if something is working or not.
Hanging up laundry different than her? “Oh, you should put it up like this, it dries much faster that way.” It was approximately 30°C and windy, it would have been dry within an hour anyway.
A dish I cooked doesn’t turn out like I wanted it to and maybe tastes a little off? “It’s because you did this and that, you should use X and Y spice, they fit much better and are healthier.”
Not asking about applications I sent somewhere a month after I sent them because it explicitly says not to, they will contact you, and everyone asking would delay the selection process? “You HAVE TO FOLLOW UP, it shows you’re dedicated and want that job, you can’t just sit here all day and wait!!” Alright, I’ll follow up after mere weeks and show them I can’t read directions or can’t be assed to follow them, that sure makes me more employable.
Not having found a summer job because y’know, there’s a pandemic (STILL!!) going on and most companies struggle to keep their workers and are therefore not in a place to take in interns? “Well, X and Y friend’s daughter found something and your sister works as well, you can find something too!!” The friend’s daughter will work in a job where she will stand all day and make the same hand movements for 8 hours a day, I’m not doing that to my body for the sake of “not having a space in my CV” (especially, again DURING A PANDEMIC where future employers will look at your CV and go: “oh yeah, 2020, am I right?”). My sister has been working as a student employee since October, a job she only got because the school HAS to give its students jobs for their Master’s theses, and in a technology sector, which is the main source of economic income of my area, unlike translation.
Speaking of: Studying German, English, and Russian translation and interpreting? “Everyone speaks English today, no one needs English translators anymore”, WHILE SHE USES GERMAN SUBTITLES TO WATCH HER TV SHOWS BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T SPEAK ENGLISH WELL ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND IT OTHERWISE, and “you will have to work at the customs’ office, they don’t need Russian anywhere else... or just find an office job that has nothing to do with your field of expertise, because again, no one needs translators anymore anyway.”
Not having had a boyfriend yet for a variety of reasons, including that I’m bi and was leaning a lot more towards women for a long time (not that she knows that, HELL NO), I’m shy/don’t know how to make new friends well, and that frankly, I’m just not as pretty as other girls and therefore less desirable for others (and don’t anyone come @ me like: “but you’re beautiful!!” I am, but less than my friends who I go out with who inevitable have all the guys flock towards them. “beauty isn’t important!!” on one hand yes, it isn’t, but on the other hand first impressions and looks matter and if anyone tells me they’d rather go for the less beautiful woman when no other factors are involved is, frankly, lying.).
“Well, sitting at home all day won’t get you a boyfriend!! You need to go out more!! Aren’t there any nice guys at your university?? I want grandkids, you know??” WELL THOUGH LUCK, I DON’T WANT KIDS. I DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND, I’M FINE BEING SINGLE, IF I MEET SOMEONE I’M HAPPY TO PURSUE THAT RELATIONSHIP, BUT IT’S NOT MY SOLE GOAL OR PURPOSE IN LIFE. AND AGAIN, WE’RE STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC! MANY PLACES ARE STILL CLOSED! YOU SHOULD STILL KEEP YOUR DISTANCE FROM STRANGERS! NOT TO SAY YOU CAN’T MEET PEOPLE, BUT IT *IS* MORE DIFFICULT AT THE MOMENT!
Sleeping until noon or just before noon because I have a circadian rhytm that makes me most awake and uni/work/general-stuff productive in the evening and at night and therefore I stay up until well past midnight because with the whole study-from-home situation it’s possible atm? “You can’t sleep until noon everyday, you have to get up earlier and get stuff done, I’m a night owl myself, but I get up just fine in the morning.” You fall asleep at 10pm in front of the TV! And then you still let your alarm clock ring three times for three minutes in the morning and your husband still has to wake you up again so you’ll actually get up!
Her turning everything into a lecture/life lesson whenever I say or do or don’t say or don’t do anything and treating me like a kid or teenager instead of a fully grown adult and thinking she knows best what I need to do and what’s good for me despite the fact that the constant and continuing alienation that started happening in my early teens due to *waves around at everything* has left us with no relevant relationship to speak of, except that we share slightly more DNA than non-related humans, and that I live in their house because I won’t be able to move out before finishing university? Oh yeah, there’s the reason I cannot WAIT for the day I get to move out, not tell my parents my adress, and cut them off for good. Like that will be hard because my sister and me are twins and she will absolutely constantly yell at me because “[our mother] always cries when I see her and asks me about you and I don’t care for that shit at all”, which is why I’ll swear all of my friends to secrecy about my adress. I’ll miss my cats like hell, but I’m afraid between leaving my cats with people they love for some reason to live a life free of my mother’s influence, happy and at peace, and keeping contact for 10 more years to keep seeing my cats a few times a year (aka when I’d be forced to come over for “family celebrations”)... I’m afraid I’ll have to pick myself here. Or if I miss them too much, I’ll sneak by when I know my parents are at work and have a secret cuddle session. I also was at a weddidng this weekend and I wanna get married so badly but I guess I’ll also have to swear my friends to secrecy about the time and date because otherwise my sister will know and then my parents will show up and if that happens we might as well just cancel the entire thing because my mood will be lower than any human could ever dig with a shovel and want to rip my skin off and throw shit. That being said, the wedding was the most wonderful thing since the lockdown and I cannot WAIT to have that myself and share that day with the people I truly love.
“You don’t talk to me anymore at all.” Me: tells her literally anything. Her: makes a huge deal out of literally anything, is sure to tell other family and friends, doesn’t shut up about it for weeks. Me: doesn’t tell her anything or ask her anything about herself. Her: tries to guilt-trip me into doing whatever she wants while also emphasizing that she’s not trying to guilt-trip me. Me: *looks at my memories of her always crying and slamming her bedroom door when something doesn’t go her way, and then coming into my room, without knocking of course, and going on about why I’m so emotionless and heartless towards her and insists/forces me to hug her, despite knowing I absolutely fucking hate hugging her [or even standing close to her or anyone else in my immediate family, for that matter] (upon me leaving for uni after Christmas break: ”I know you don’t like being hugged but you’re leaving for a month again so I want you to hug me” and then immediately hugs me, almost suffocates me (okay emotionally, not physically), kisses me on the cheek which makes me want to rip my skin off).* uh-hu. yeah.
#rant#me talks#i'll shut up now before I never stop#gonna put on my earphones and put on some music for studying because I can hear every word of the trivial shit my mother is talking about#non-stop in the living room because it's too much to ask her to keep her voice at a normal level i guess#don't mind me i'm very angry right now but I'm NOT gonna fall back into my bad habits of digging my nails into my skin#no sir i will not she's not worth that#personal
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Can we get some more of that “Richie wearing Mike’s blue sweater from st” like what happens now? Does Richie go find Eddie? Does Eddie come back? WHAT HAPPENS I NEED TO KNOW PLEASE I BEG OF YOU
YES HELLO SORRY FOR THE WAIT i just got distracted and then college is a thing, but i just finished it! i don’t think its the best honesty?? but whatever, i still like the end result,,, kinda
read part one here
Gay Panic Part Two
“Eddie! Eddie, hey, wait up!”
No, Eddie is not going to wait up. Nope. Not a fucking a chance. He’s hightailing it out fo there and no one - fucking no one - is about to stop him. Just a few more yards until he gets to his bike and then he can speed off to… Well, he doesn’t exactly know where because he isn’t about to go home and he doesn’t want to go back to the clubhouse for obvious reasons, and doesn’t even know if he actually wants hot chocolate. It had just been the first thing his brain came up with when scrambling away after kissing Richie.
Oh, god, he kissed Richie.
Eddie feels his face redden with embarrassment because not only did that happen but he did it in front of the others too, and somehow that makes it all worse. He rubs his face with his glove covered hands and lets out a pitiful groan as he gets to the few bikes and cars near the road, scrambling to pick it up and hop on before Mike could catch up to him.
Apparently, luck is not on his side today, because Mike reaches him the moment Eddie sits his bike up right and dread pools in the shorter teen’s stomach. A gentle hand grabs his elbow. “You’re getting hot chocolate, yeah?” Mike asks, which stuns Eddie for a moment because he isn’t expecting that to come out of his friend’s mouth after having witnessing what just happened barely two minutes ago. But it’s Mike. So it shouldn’t be that surprising.
Eddie blinks. For moment, he thinks that maybe he just can’t talk today and it’s not that stupid fucking sweater at all. But it is. It is the sweater because he’s finally getting proper sentences out. “Y- Yeah, uh,” he pauses. “You aren’t…gonna, y’know,” he doesn’t finish the question but rather vaguely gestures with his hands. Okay. Maybe not sentences – just words, more accurately.
Mike chuckles and warm smile tugs at his lips. “Look, I want some hot chocolate, too, and I offered to get the others some. But you don’t have to talk about what happened if you don’t want to.”
“Oh. Really?”
“Really,” he says. Mike then takes Eddie’s bike and gently puts it in the bed on his truck. “If you do wanna talk about it, that’s fine too. I’ll listen. But for now, get in. I’ve been craving hot chocolate for weeks now.”
Relief washes over Eddie because he had been certain one of his friends would chase after him and demand answers, but here’s Mike, acting as if it isn’t a big deal and taking Eddie to get hot chocolate so he doesn’t have to ride his bike on this windy and cold day. He mutters a thanks and gets into the truck, and Mike hurries to get into the driver’s seat to start the car. He blasts the air and puts it on high heat; somehow it was colder inside the truck. They shiver as Mike puts the car in gear and starts to drive off, and Eddie is about to complain about the lack of heat when the air finally starts warming up. He relaxes back into the seat, body becoming less tense as he messed with the seat belt.
“What- never mind,” Eddie mutters halfway into the drive. He sits up and looks at Mike only to slouch back and stare at his boots again, brows scrunched together and a frown prominent on his face.
Mike glances at Eddie. “Are you gonna head back with me after this?” He asks.
Eddie shrugs. “Dunno. Probably not.”
“The others want you to.”
A scoff involuntarily leaves Eddie’s lips. “Oh, sure. I plant one on my best friend since first grade without any fucking warning, and they want me to come back. Totally believable.” His tone drips with sarcasm. The thing is though, is that Eddie knows they do. He knows the Losers want him to come back. He’s certain of it. It’s just…embarrassing. “Sorry,” he mumbles after a second. “I- yeah, I know, Mike.”
“Don’t be,” Mike says with a shrug. “It was just a surprise. It even shut Rich up!”
Eddie lets out a weak laugh. He doesn’t say anything for another few seconds. “None of you hate me?” He eventually asks.
“For kissing Richie? No. I think Stan is actually thanking you.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “About me being gay.”
Mike blinks as he turns into the tiny parking lot of the small café. He doesn’t speak until he’s parked, and then turns fully to Eddie. “If I hated you for being gay, I’d be a hypocrite.” At his friend’s expression, Mike continued, “I’m bi. And, well, so is Bev, remember? She came out a few months ago. Two outta six. The others would be hypocrites, too, for accepting Bev and not you. That’s six outta six.”
“So… You don’t think Richie hates me?”
Mike smiles, and something shines in his eyes that Eddie can’t exactly read but he doesn’t bother trying for too long. “That chaotic son of a bitch couldn’t hate you if he tried. So, hot chocolate?”
Eddie smiles, nodding. “Hot chocolate.”
They go in, order seven medium hot chocolates, and then Mike leaves with six of them, Eddie claiming that he just wants to be alone for the time being and promising that he’ll see the others at school tomorrow. With that, Mike leaves, and Eddie stays in the warm building until he has to go home.
The next morning, he avoids Richie. The anxiety of it all came back full force when he woke up, and Eddie’s trying to talk sense into himself as he remembers his conversation with Mike, but that doesn’t lessen the crushing feeling of Richie not liking him. So, Eddie avoids him the best he can throughout the school day. He succeeds up until lunch as he grabs his homemade food from his locker. Just as he shuts the small, blue metal door, a hand his around his wrist and dragging him down the hall.
“Hey, what the fu- Richie?!” Eddie shouts, too stunned to rip his wrist from Richie’s grasp.
Richie doesn’t answer until they get to the janitor’s closet, pushing Eddie in and quickly following. He turns on the light and stares down at Eddie. “We need to talk,” he says.
Eddie’s brows lower and he pouts he littlest bit. “But I’m hungry.”
“No, the stupid sandwich-.”
“It’s soup.”
“-Whatever. The stupid soup has to wait,” Richie says.
“But-.”
“Eds, please,” he interrupts Eddie, voice going up a bit in pitch as he begs. “It’s killing me, okay? I wanted to visit you last night but Mike convinced me not to because you wanted space or whatever, but now it’s the next day and I’m going fucking insane! And I don’t want this to be a bickering thing right now either, so just cooperate, alright?”
Eddie looks at Richie. Like, really looks. The eyes behind the glasses are wide, and not because of how thick the glasses are, but rather because Richie’s nervous and pleading. The freckles are a bit harder to see under the dim light of the janitor’s closet and the blush surrounding them. His hair is a wild mess – wilder than usual – and Eddie finally notices that he’s wearing a simple hoodie. No sweater. He kinda misses the sweater, he realizes, despite how much trouble it gave him to speak.
“Why’d you kiss me?” Richie asks.
Eddie gives him an are you serious? look. “You know why,” he says. “Gosh, Rich… Fuck, I’ve had the biggest fucking crush on you for years now! A-And I never- I wasn’t planning on kissing you, okay? I didn’t want to not knowing if you liked boys or not, so I never made a move, and then you came waltzing into the clubhouse with that stupid fucking sweater.” He pauses for a split second to drop his face in the palms of his hands after setting his lunch on a shelf. Then, he’s quickly back to looking at Richie. “You looked so pretty,” he says, and Richie full on blushes. “Like, fucking gorgeous and, like, I couldn’t fucking speak! God, fuck you for wearing that sweater, you dick! I was fine not knowing if you felt he same way!”
It’s silent then. Eddie doesn’t speak anymore, giving Richie a chance for once to butt in and put in his side. The taller teen doesn’t speak for a few seconds, which just feeds the anxiety resting in Eddie but he holds it in.
Then, “Well, if I knew that sweater was going to get me a kiss, I would have worn it on fucking New Years.”
“New Years hasn’t even- oh.”
Richie chuckles, nerves coming through. “Yeah. ‘Oh’.”
Then, Eddie’s whacking his shoulder. “You dick! Why didn’t you?!”
Richie gives an offended look and rubs at the spot Eddie hit him at. “Have you seen that thing?! It’s fucking ugly!” He shouts, gesturing with one hand as if it’s nearby.
“It’s not- okay, it is a little bit, but it looks good on you! A good looking, stereotypical nerd.”
Richie flicks Eddie’s nose, the boy gaping at him as he holds his nose gently afterward.
“What the fuck, Richard!”
“You called me a nerd!”
“Well, you are! You make straight As!”
“I am not a nerd.”
“You are.”
“Nope.”
“Yes.”
“Nope.”
“Nope.”
“Yes- fuck!”
“Ha!” Eddie laughs as he jumps in happiness at tricking his friend and points at him to tease some more, but Richie’s hand gently pushes it away as his other on Eddie’s cheek and jaw. In one swift motion, Richie leans down and kisses Eddie. Eddie’s taken back at first until he realizes what’s happening, and then he’s kissing back, trying and failing not to smile into it too much. It seems as though Richie has the same problem because not a second later, he’s pulling back slightly with the largest grin on his face, their foreheads resting together.
“So, can I go eat my soup now?”
“Depends. What would happen if I came to school wearing the sweater?”
“I’d stare at you, duh.”
Richie pouts, “No kisses?”
Eddie rolls his eyes and steps away. “Not if you don’t let me go fucking eat, dickwad.”
“God, you’re such a gremlin,” Richie says and grabs Eddie’s lunch from the shelf for him, and they both step out, Richie only wincing slightly as he laughs when Eddie flicks him on the ear.
#asks#reddie#richie tozier#eddie kaspbrak#the ending....is questionable at best#my writing#thorn-harvester-ven
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I love hating you | Elu enemies to lovers AU | Ch. 2
Previous Chapters: 1
Lucas is an angry, closeted and frustrated gay teenager, while Eliott is the handsome, smart and popular guy in school. They hate each other… but not forever.
You are surprising
Lucas woke up with a terrible headache, feeling sick. He walked to the bathroom, taking in a painkiller and brushing his teeth. He could feel the smell of sweat and alcohol on himself. His face looked like a car accident with some horseshit on top of it. He walked back to the couch where he was sleeping, he hoped that Mika has to work today, so he won’t be bothering him. Lisa usually spent the weekends in her room anyways. Manon was still upset because of her breaking up with Charles, so she didn’t really came out of her room during weekends either.
He laid down, trying to ignore the terrible sound of his “bed”. It wasn’t really uncomfortable and considering that he barely could pay the rent, it was more than he could have asked for. He pulled the blanket over his head. His legs felt numb now, his stomach was tiny, his chest hurt. He knew it was just his anxiety trying to take over, but it still freaked him out. Feeling so empty was just the worst.
As he was struggling with his apathy, flashes of last night started to hunt his brain. He barely remembered anything after the first joint he smoke with Arthur. He could feel a touch of warm hands on his shoulder, a nice smell coming into his nose, stormy blue eyes appearing in his mind. Lucas pulled up his knees to his chest, still staying under the blanket. He wanted to stop thinking about it, but flashes of Eliott just kept coming.
His happy smile, the way he looked at Lucas when they were in the bus stop, the feeling of his arms around him. His warm and strong chest, his messy hair and oh, those damn blue eyes. Lucas wanted to scream, rip out his brain and just throw it away. He was feeling everything and nothing at the same time. He hated this.
It was a real struggle going to school on monday, especially since he spend his sunday arguing with Mika. He was telling Lucas how lazy and useless he was around the house, that he was supposed to take care of the dishes on saturday and clean the bathroom, but he didn’t do it. Lucas was far beyond the point where he tried to explain things to his flatmate, because it was pointless. And Mika was also done with Lucas’ bullshit. They both knew that Lucas wasn’t being honest, but since the younger one refused to talk about his problems, Mika couldn’t do anything for him.
He walked to his locker, taking out the books he needed and putting in the ones he doesn’t need until afternoon. He was so busy with packing, he didn’t notice the person appearing by his side, leaning to the lockers, arms crossed in front of his chest. When he closed the door of his locker, he jumped back, looking like a deer caught in headlight. Eliott smirked at him, eyes sparkling like the summer sky.
“Morning.” He said on a soft tone, looking excited. Lucas had no idea why he was acting like this and he didn’t even wanted to know. “Are you okay?”
“Someone definitely overdosed you this morning, Demaury.” he said with a suspicious look on his face.
“I think it was you who got a bit too overdosed on friday.” he said, still with that annoying smile on his face.
“Thank you for reminding me of that.” he said, rolling his eyes. He was hugging his backpack to his chest, hoping that Eliott will finally leave, so he can breathe a little.
“You didn’t even let me get you a taxi. But I can see you got home safe.” he said, reaching his hand out to put a stray lock of hair behind Lucas’ ear. The smaller boy jumped a little, taking a step back. Eliott seemed to be amused by that. Fuck you, Demaury.
“Don’t touch me.” he said angrily.
Eliott was ready to answer when someone walked to them, punching his shoulder gently. It was Alex, smiling brightly, ruffling his friends hair, which made Eliott’s smile to turn into a grumpy expression.
“Morning, Eliott.” he said happily and then looked at Lucas, giving him a fistbump. “Morning, Lulu.”
“Good morning, Alex.” Lucas said with a soft smile, it always cheered him up how this guy was acting like Lucas was his younger brother.
“What do you want, dude?” Eliott asked a bit annoyed, Lucas was surprised how his enthusiasm were gone now. He seemed to be annoyingly happy just a couple minutes ago.
“I am not here because of you.” Alex said and handed Lucas the scarf he left at his place on friday. “Here, I guess this one is yours, Lulu.” He said smiling, ignoring the piercing stare he got from Eliott. Lucas smiled happily, he totally forgot about his scarf, and it was kinda cold today, so he will need it for sure. He grabbed it and stuffed into his bag.
“Thanks, Alex. I thought I lost it forever.”
“Next time make sure you don’t leave it behind.” he said softly, ruffling Lucas’ hair. The short one chuckled, he really felt like the younger brother of Alex, it made his day a bit less shitty.
“I will, thank you.”
“No worries.” Alex said and walked away with a big smile on his face. Lucas was still smiling, looking back at Eliott, who seemed to be really upset now. He tilted his head, looking into those stormy eyes. He’s so fucking handsome.
“What’s wro...”
“Whatever, I’m going to class.” Eliott said, walking away just as quickly as he appeared. Lucas was watching him a bit shocked and confused. He is just as weird as good looking.
Days passed and Lucas haven’t see Eliott much, only on their literature class, but he was strangely quiet, barely even said hi to Lucas. The small boy was a bit concerned about his behavior, not admitting to himself that he was actually worried.
On wednesday he got a message from his mother, a short verse from the bible, including the fires of hell and some other shit like that. Lucas tried to forget about it. He had to text his father to remind him that he needed to pay the rent. His parents were just the worst, even though his mother wasn’t like this on purpose, it felt like he had no one to rely on.
He was already very frustrated, so after his classes he decided to go to the common room. He had no patience to listen to Mika’s bullshit and he had no chores to do today anyways. He walked in, but the girls weren’t there. He was surprised, but also glad. It was nice to be finally alone, letting go of himself and forgetting the lies he was building each day.
He looked at the piano in the corner, right in front of that terrible mural. Daphné was planning to repaint it, she had a lot of ideas to redecorate the common room, maybe that’s why they weren’t here. He could remember Emma saying that they wanted to get some stuff for Daphné’s plans this week.
His steps were unsure a bit, but then he decided to fuck it and walked to the piano, sitting down on the little bench in front of it. He opened the key lid, looking at the black and white keyboard. He haven’t played in a long time now, since they didn’t have a piano at the flat, but he loved to learn playing the piano, making his mom smile with some silly or happy music.
He was searching for melodies in his head, he remembered a complicated piece from a couple years ago. He was supposed to go to a competition with it, but his mom snapped just a day before, so he had to take care of her. He put his fingers on the keys, they were cold, but made him feel warm in his chest. A bit of nostalgia crawled its way up inside him and this time he let it to take over. He took a deep breath and started to play.
His mind got lost into the song, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the freedom he felt spreading in his chest. He forgot about his pain, his worries, his lies, he was just living with the music his fingers created on the instrument. It was really magical and he felt sad when the song ended. He wished it could go on forever, to just sit here and keep playing the piano until the end of the world.
He stopped playing, opening his eyes when he heard slow clapping, he jumped, turning around quickly to see Eliott Demaury himself standing in the door of the common room. He was standing there a while now, cause his bag was in front of his legs, not on his back. He was wearing dark jeans that were ripped at the knee parts, a black shirt and his usual hoodie jacket combo. But the thing that catched Lucas’ attention was his stunning smile and those piercing eyes. They were filled with so much emotion, focusing on Lucas like he was the only person on the whole world.
“That was awesome.” Eliott said after a minute of clapping.
Lucas didn’t know what to say, just watched as Eliott grabbed the straps of his bag, walking inside and closing the door behind him. He felt his heart beating faster as the boy got closer and closer. Finally he was standing in front of Lucas, looking down at him, still with that weird expression on his face. He couldn’t decide what he saw in those eyes, they looked like the sea on a really windy day, filled with waves of emotions.
“You are surprising.” he said, looking into Lucas’ eyes.
“I wasn’t expecting anyone to hear it.” He mumbled, finally able to find his voice, but that was basically all he could push out. He was just in total panic thanks to the tall boy, stading so close to him. His neck was hurting because of looking up at him, but he didn’t wanted to break eyecontact.
“Didn’t know you can play piano. I wonder if there’s anything else you keep in secret.” he said with a soft, teasing smile.
“Not like you don’t know it already.” Lucas said, pointing out how Eliott knows about his sexuality.
“That was more of a guess. And you made my suspicions turn out to be right with how you reacted to me.” he said smiling. Lucas could punch him in the face. How dare he be so stunningly sweet? That was illegal.
“I hate you so much.” Lucas mumbled, blaming his own stupidity for letting Eliott indirectly know that he is gay. The tall boy chuckled, running his fingers through his own hair, looking at Lucas happily.
“I know that.” he said smiling.
“Why are you here?” Lucas couldn’t find a better question to ask, his brain was fucking him up so bad. Eliott’s smell was crawling into his nose, the flashes from friday night started to haunt him again. He remembered Eliott’s arms around his body, holding him so carefully, but still strongly. He remembered the warmth of his body and his breath on his neck. He got goosebumps just thinking about it.
“I was on my way going home, then I heard the music. When I saw you sitting here, playing the piano... I just couldn’t leave.” he explained.
Lucas felt his heart skipping a beat, he couldn’t tell why, but it made him happy that Eliott wanted to stay and listen to his music. They were staring at each other for long minutes, he had no idea who took the first move, but their face was so close now that he felt Eliott’s breath on his lips. He closed his eyes, lips opening a little. He was just following the moment, not thinking about what he was about to do. Their lips almost touched, when they heard a loud banging.
Eliott pulled back, putting his bag on his shoulder, looking really lost and avoiding to look into the other boy’s eyes. The girls walked into the common room, bringing lots of special stuff with them, chatting and laughing loudly. They were already inside when they noticed the boys. Lucas quickly closed the lid of the piano. Manon and Emma were too busy talking, but Daphné smiled at them softly.
“Hey, I wasn’t expecting of you guys to be here.” she said softly. “We got some supplies to redecorate the common room.”
“That’s amazing, Daphy.” Lucas said softly, trying to forget about that moment with Eliott, which was hard considering that said boy was standing just a few meters away from him.
“I was just... I heard you wanna repaint that shit.” Eliott said, pointing at the mural. “If you need help with it, I can try to make something better to cover it.” he offered with a little smile now. He looked at Lucas, who was staring at him in awe. Eliott repainting the mural? How can he be so fucking perfect?
“Oh really?” Daphné asked with that bright smile of her. “That is so generous of you! I would love that.” she said excitedly. “I was actually worried, since I didn’t wanted to just repaint it to a certain color, but none of us is really the artistic type, y’know.” she said looking at the girls. They were packing stuff out of bags and boxes, discussing where to put all those, how to start the decoration.
“I’ll let you know when I have free time to do it.” Eliott said. “I gotta go now. See you.” he said, but when he said the last two words, he was looking at Lucas only, which made the boy gasp. Then Eliott disappeared behind the door and he stayed there with the girls. He joined them in the packing, trying to get into the conversation, so he wouldn’t be thinking about that he almost kissed Eliott fucking Demaury.
It was really late, Lucas was staring at his phone, more specifically a picture of Eliott on instagram. It was just a simple selfie, he looked into the camera, his hair was messy, he had dark circles around his eyes like always. He wasn’t smiling, well not the way he smiled at Lucas. It was just a half-smirk playing on his lips. The caption said: “Missing you”.
He posted it like 6 hours ago, not much after he left the common room. People in the comments were freaking out, mostly girls. They were guessing who the caption could be about, asking questions, but Eliott didn’t reply to any of those. Lucas didn’t know what to think about all this. He had a weird feeling that the caption was about him, but he didn’t wanted to think about that. He can’t have feelings for Eliott, not a good idea. What if I already feel something?
Lucas showed his phone under his pillow, closing his eyes, but all he could see was Eliott’s face. His eyes while he was clapping, smiling at Lucas. His face before they leant close to each other. The smell of Eliott kept haunting him, it was infuriating.
He spent long hours, suffering from his own thoughts. This caused him to sleep only 3 or 4 hours. He drank two mugs of black coffee in the morning before going to school. It wasn’t the best idea, but he had to stay awake and function in school somehow.
Literature was his third class, but Lucas still looked like a walking dog poop. His eyelids tried to close every fifth minute, his limbs felt heavy, he sat down to his place, totally not noticing that Eliott is there. His mind could only process one thing at a time, and that was him trying not to fall asleep.
He jumped a little when a warm hand touched his shoulder, looking to his left and seeing Eliott made his face feel suddenly really hot. First he thought it was embarrassment, but then he felt dizzy, not understanding what Eliott was saying to him. His eyes closed, his body was falling, ending up in strong arms. They everything ceased to exist and Lucas enjoyed the nothing surrounding him.
Quiet noises made him open his eyes, he wasn’t sure where he was, but he laid in a bed, having a blanket on him, but still wearing his indoor outfit, so he was definitely not home. His eyelids felt heavy, his head was spinning, but he slowly opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was a pair of blue eyes. His heart was fluttering of the thought that Eliott was there with him.
“Hey, how are you?” he asked softly, he looked relieved now that Lucas was conscious again.
“I feel dizzy.” he said honestly, struggling to put his body into sitting position. He could see that Eliott wasn’t happy that he moved so much, but didn’t do anything to stop him. “What happened?”
“You fainted in class.” he said simply. His eyes were dark, filled with worry which made Lucas smile a little.
“Yeah, that makes sense.” he mumbled and laid back on the soft pillows. It felt good to finally get some rest in a real bed and not on a goddamn couch. “Sorry that you had to take care of me.” he said now, hugging the blanket on his body, looking at every little expression the other one makes.
“Yeah, I had to carry you here, it wasn’t easy.” he said with a soft smile. “You owe me a lot, Lallemant.” the way he said Lucas’ name gave him goosebumps.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, you can make it up with...”
“Lulu!” Arthur, Yann and Basile stormed into the nursing room loudly, running to the bed, surrounding Lucas, asking questions, talking to fast for him to understand.
“Hey! Hey! Guys, I am fine, but calm down! I can’t understand shit.” he said, raising his hand to stop his friends talking. From the corner of his eyes he saw Eliott leaving, using that the boys were focused on Lucas. Of course he didn’t wanted to stay. Why would he wanna stay with such a loser as you, Lucas?
He told his friends what happened, trying to avoid mentioning Eliott. Luckily they were focused on the fact that Lucas fainted and asked if he was sick. He told them that he has some trouble sleeping, but other than that he was fine. Well, they were asking about his physical health, so he actually wasn’t lying to them this time.
He spent the rest of the day in the nursing room, resting and thinking about Eliott. He went home around 16:20, the school doctor made sure he got food, enough water and anything else. She was really nice to Lucas, which was a fresh thing after all the things he had to endure at the flat and from his parents.
He was laying on the couch, the others were either not home or working, he had no idea, but he enjoyed the silence. He looked at his phone and noticed that he got a message, it was a DM on instagram, from Eliott himself. He swallowed before he opened the app to see the message.
srodulv
You still owe me
Did you get home safe?
Lucas smirked like an idiot, seeing those messages and just enjoying the fact that this asshole at least a little bit cared for him. It was such a good feeling, his heart was beating faster, his palms were sweaty. He had to wipe them before typing a reply to Eliott.
lucallemant
I’ll make it up to you, don’t worry
I’m home now, laying on the couch
srodulv
You should be in bed, not on the couch
lucallemant
The couch is my bed
He wasn’t really thinking before sending that message. That was just so pathetic and lame. He ruined the mood totally and after long minutes without any sign from Eliott, he knew that it was a stupid idea telling the truth.
srodulv
You don’t have a bed?
lucallemant
there’s only three room in the flat and we’re four
I am the one who got the couch
srodulv
Isn’t that a little unfair?
lucallemant
It sucks, but I barely can pay the rent, so it’s more than what I deserve
srodulv
You deserve so much more
lucallemant
Are you sure this is Eliott Demaury? I’m starting to think someone hacked your insta
srodulv
Very funny
Go to sleep, Lallemant
lucallemant
Sure, see you
srodulv
See you
Lucas put down his phone next to his pillow, but then picked it up again, reading their conversation over and over. He just couldn’t believe his eyes, but it was true. And maybe... just maybe he was right about that insta post. His heart started racing again, making it impossible for him to fall asleep, so instead he just went to Eliott’s profile, liking that last post. He closed his eyes, putting his phone down now. He haven’t feel so happy in a long time now.
Writers note: We’ll this got together fast, thanks to an idea of my best mec. I hope you guys liked it. I appreciate all the messages and asks I recieved! Feel free to do so after this chapter, I wanna hear your opinion about it. What do you like in it, what you don’t like? It would help me a lot! Bisou
#Elu enemies to lovers AU#Skam France#Elu#Eliott Demaury#Lucas Lallemant#Eliott x Lucas#I love hating you
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i got tagged by @thatotherjess, thank you very much!
RULES: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people that you’d like to get to know better. (make a separate post!)
l m a o we all know i wont tag 21 people, i dont even know that many :)
1. nickname: Karo
2. zodiac: sagittarius sun, aries moon
3. height: 169cm, its like... 5'6″? 5′7″? idk
4. last movie i saw: aquaman! it was good and so pretty, i love underwater aesthetics!!!
5. last thing i googled: faraday's constant bc i couldn’t remember what does the C in the constant means (coulombs!!)
6. favorite musicians: hm. i love a lot of musicians!! but i’d probably call lana del rey my ultimate favourite
7. song stuck in my head: little dark age by mgmt and nie dawaj mi rad by syndrom paryski (i discovered this band today and i immediately fell in love with this song)
8. other blogs: @alistairtheirin-s (my dragon age sideblog!)
9. do i get asks? yeah sometimes i do
10. followers: almost 1,6k lmao
11. following: 366, i have a blog for every single day of the year, even for those years when february has 29 days :)
12. amount of sleep: it varies between 4 and 11 hours, but usually its about 7-8h
13. lucky number: i always liked 9 and 19, but i don’t really care about numbers that much
14. what am i wearing: pink ralph lauren striped shirt, these cool-ass jeans that i love (they have a red stripe that goes down on each leg) and nice white socks
15. dream job: ...i wish i knew what my dream job actually is. like, honestly, i like so many things that i can’t decide which one i like the most and it’s quite annoying tbh
16. dream trip: i would love to see scandinavia but everyone i know is like ‘iTs so cOLd there why would you WANt to GO there’ :(
17. favorite food: ohhhh. pierogi? and these pastries with spinach and feta cheese my mom makes
18. play any instruments?: i can play a few songs on the piano, also i owned an electric guitar a few years ago but i never learned how to play it properly :(
19. favorite song: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how am i supposed to choose??? my most played on itunes is ‘fucked my way up to the top’ tho
20. random fact about me: i never zip my jacket. ever. unless someone forces me. i just hate the feeling of the jacket wrapping around my body because i feel like a weird sausage in a tight wrapping and i’d rather die of hypothermia than fucking zip it
21. describe yourself as aesthetic things: rolled-up sleeves, sticking out your tongue, smell of magnolia and chlorine, blue light, windy empty coast, drinks in erlenmeyer flasks, revising a specific tiny detail just before the exam and finding out there’s a question about this detail, a few white clouds on a bright blue sky, fresh snow sparkling on plants, sneakers, blue british shorthair cats’ paws, a small submarine in a huge ocean
i tag @clairles @theyaremydivision @matt-fuckin-cameron @matsuorka @saigonzelgius @antlersev @huntresswarlock @polkadot-cookie (no pressure to do this tho!)
#my aesthetics are all over the place and dont really match each other but!!! who gives a fuck?#tag game
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My wife @proxinge tagged me in this so I GUESS i’LL DO IT! I was also tagged by @igglemouse and someone else I am so sorry I don’t remember who you were I deserve to be punished.
PLEASE come flog me I’ll be waiting. Love you all.
1. which season are you going to play with first?
I don’t know I think i’d like to explore the activities first It’s a little hard for me to fuck around with snow in fucking June.
2. from what you’ve seen in the trailer, what are you most excited about?
The Ice skating and Roller Skating (insert M.K skating to Ashes or something by Celine Dion)
3. what’s your favourite season irl?
Spring. When the flowers bloom Then summer then early fall.
4. what’s your favourite flower/plant?
Lilacs and Yellow roses though Reds okay makes a great apology.
5. are you going to create a new sim/family or are you going to keep your current household?
Why? I honestly don’t care if people find my blog old and tired. I personally can’t just throw away my sims like people do with Andriods in the game Detroit.
6. what would you like to see in this new add-on that we haven’t seen yet?
Tornadoes lmao hurricanes fuck shit up.
7. how do you feel about not having a new neighbourhood?
Meh...
8. snow, rain, sun or wind?
I like how snow fall muffles noise in the winter I don’t mind rain on warm days and I do like sunshine even though I hide from it during the day.
9. favourite refreshing drink in summer?
I make ice tea sometimes I don’t mind a hard lemonade now and then. But I don’t really have a favorite I’ll try anything once.
10. favourite hot drink in winter?
Hot chocolate I really need to use that baileys. I got from a client for christmas.
11. walk through the forest or by the beach?
Depends. I’ll take both. I use to live by a wooded area as a kid and spent alot of time playing in there sadly its not there anymore.
12. swimming pool or ocean?
Ocean because save the whales!
13. where would you like to travel if you could leave right now for a week?
Australia my sister was there maybe or Florida is it so wrong that my almost 32 year old ass wants to go to Disney world? Or Universal studios
13. how is the weather today?
Warm night a bit windy moist It rained earlier for a moment likely something coming in later tonight.
14. what new traits would you like to see in the new add-on?
Astrophobia why? because I have this kinda mind you as I got older I realized I had to control it because well I can’t rely on being with a parent at night now that I live on my own I leave the tv on 24 Trev hates that but I actually get anxiety during storms at night I’ve been that way my whole life in kindergarten I hid under a desk and wouldn’t come out till it was over. I get excited I cry it’s weird...
15. do you like to play with supernatural creatures like vampires and aliens? and if so, would you like to have witches/fairies/elves?
Both? Both is good... The sims needs more supernatural beings honestly I hate to say it but I know if this guy walked into a room you could expect some head turns because not only is like 6′3 and a half but hes like between 318 325 pounds of solid hybrid alien demi demon... human thing a majig. .....(especially if he wore that red thong!lmao!)
I strive to be different I have a genetic disorder that slightly alters my appearance sure I was bullied but every time I drew/ draw myself
I add those dots on my face and make them red. Like this old drawing here..... That I’ll never finish because i did a better one.
Someone said I was being mean to myself. but to me it’s just not me unless I add that. and Because I strive to be different I’ve been told its a major perk of my blog. No barbie sims here. That and my humor I like making people laugh.
16. what is your favourite thing to do during winter?
Hiding from it... But if I had a choice I’d toboggan
17. …during spring?
The flowers!
18. …during summer?
Walks down the water front and the flea market. One mans garbage another womans treasure. Taking my dog to the beach when I go home to my parents. Bonfires Meteor showers. My moms cherry cheesecake.
19. …during autumn?
Fall festivals candy apples apple pies leaves changing.
20. have you already pre-ordered seasons? and if you haven’t, are you going to pre-order it or wait until it comes out?
Broke as fuck at the moment.... perhaps I could beg for it for my birthday. my birthday is June 24th the pack releases June 22nd so it’s a bit iffy. I want to but think I should wait.
Money is going to be tough to get in the coming months
21. in which neighbourhood are you going to play first with seasons?
I’ll go all over the place
22. do you listen to music while playing? and if so, what are your favourite songs to play to?
Yep. and my taste is a hot mess. I like instrumental movie soundtracks 80s techno and classical music. As well as dare I say the odd pop song. Some Metal power Metal etc.
23. what’s your favourite thing to do in the sims? creating sims, building, etc?
Using the violent mod lol visually creating stories in my head using my imagination killing off poorly dressed townies with M.K being hitman for hire to do so.
24. what’s your favourite kit/pack/add-on?
Cats and dogs duh.
25. and finally, what add-on/pack would you like to see next?
Something other than watching paint dry you know like laundry? I want something more creative that appeals to those who don’t think logically and have a picture of their favorite sim as their lock screen on their phone. Someone with no life and needs to loose more than 3 pounds a week.
I tag @princessdejamars @omg-puddingpie @streetlightaurora @sombresims @suucherries @acoldsummer-sims @xldkx @tabbycraft @mwgaybachelor and I also tag @berrysweetboutique and @lycsims @softvysims
and anyone else who wants to do this.
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Dear Mummy
I’m honest with you guys; I cannot deny that I have not cried a bit while writing this! Some of you will probably hate me but just know I do it already myself! :D In this story Harry and Beau are a family! I really hope you like it! And leave some feedback behind!!! And let me know if you cried :D (Picture is not mine!!!)
Harry was climbing up the stairs to his daughter’s bedroom to check up on her and to kiss her goodnight. She had suspiciously gone to bed earlier than she normally would’ve done. She had also been acting very strangely the entire day. Harry had noticed that Beau had acted quite still after he had gotten her from school, considering the fact how talkative she usually was. When he had asked her about it, she had shrugged her shoulders, claiming she was absolutely fine but just exhausted. Harry hadn’t brought up the topic again because he didn’t want to pressure her; if she wanted to talk, she would let him know. But he was clearly sure that something must have made her upset.
He slowly opened the door to his daughter’s room and was surprised when he saw that the lights on the ceiling were still on. His eyes searched for the little girl and he found her lying in her bed, her back turned towards him.
“Bub, are you still awake?” he asked quietly. However, he got no answer from her. It was eerily quiet in the room- so quiet that you probably could have heard a pin falling onto the ground. Frowning, he moved closer to her bed and when he was close enough, he discovered that her shoulders were slightly shaking, followed by a heavy sob escaping from her mouth. Beau could not hide her façade forever- not from her dad who always could tell that something was wrong with her- and finally broke down in front of him. Everything she had gone through a few hours ago was crushing onto her like a big wall.
Harry instantly tore her from her lying state and cradled her on his lap, pressing her firmly against his chest while he gave her countless kisses on the forehead. The young girl held onto him like he was her only living source, and many tears were falling from her eyes while crying. Harry had never seen his daughter so upset before.
“It’s okay, bub…” He tried to soothe her, running his hand through her long curly hair that she inherited from her daddy. “Wanna tell me why you’re crying?” He took her young face between his warm hands and caught every falling tear with his thumbs. Seeing his little girl in like this made him want to cry himself. Harry could never stand seeing people he loved suffering, especially his princess. He would tear down the entire planet if it meant that he could see her gorgeous smile again. By now he noticed the fluffy teddy bear under her left arm, and he could only assume what her sorrow was about. Beau only cuddled against her toy when she was missing a certain person. A person she loved with her whole heart as much as Harry did. Because it was a gift from her. Her mother... Y/N....
They were sitting in this position, father and daughter holding each other, until Beau’s crying died down slightly and her breathing became normal again. Her eyes met her father’s gentle green ones, and she somewhat lowered her gaze in shame. She hated crying, crying made her weak and vulnerable, but it was a human thing, wasn’t it? No one could suppress their feelings forever. Beau just wanted to be Harry’s strong little girl, not a weeping little thing.
“I’m sorry, daddy…” she sniffled.
“There is no reason to be sorry, princess. You know it’s normal to cry sometimes. Now, what happened? What made you so upset, hmm?”
The thought of the event that had taken place earlier caused new tears appearing in her eyes. She did not want to think about it anymore, but the wound that had been inflicted on her was too fresh for her to ignore. She was just a little girl. How could she deal with pain properly?
“Aww beautiful, just speak to me. I’m here for you, you know that.” He kissed her forehead again to encourage her. Beau took a deep breath, but her voice still sounded very shaky.
“T-today in s-school Mrs. Riley suggested preparing a little gift for Mother’s Day. She said this time we should send it to our mummy’s instead of giving it to them personally. Then, o-one of the mean girls just said how I wanted to send my gift to mummy since there's no mailman for heaven. A-and they made fun of me the entire d-day. Even though our teacher warned them and told them how disrespectful their words are, they still didn’t stop. Macy told me that mummy did not love me, that’s why she left, and she is probably happy where she is without me.” She began to sob again. “Is that true, daddy? Is that why she left us? Is that why I have no mummy anymore?”
Anger boiled in Harry’s veins, and he wanted nothing more than to scream at the children who bullied his little girl and planted nonsense into her innocent mind. He wanted to yell at their parents for raising bad-mannered children who just had no idea what he and Beau had gone through the past year. How could they make fun of a little girl who just involuntarily lost her mother? This is not only disrespectful towards Beau but also his wife. Harry clenched his teeth in rage but tried to keep his composure. It was not the perfect time to freak out.
“Never, munchkin,” Harry said hoarsely, “Your classmates were being very mean to you. They just have no idea. Mummy loved you from the bottom of her heart, and she would have never left you voluntarily. You were the most important person in her life, and she loved being a mother to you.”
“Then why did she die, daddy? Why did she leave us?”
“Because heaven needed her, you know? Heaven always needs the most beautiful humans in the entire world.”
Beau buried her face in the crook of his neck. “But I need her too, daddy. I want mummy back. I miss her so much.”
He sighed. “I know, little one. I miss her too but one day, I promise, we’ll see her again and we’ll never leave each other. Never. We’ll be happy forever and ever. Just you and mummy and I. But I want you to know something and keep this forever in your mind. You will always have a mother, no matter if she’s here or not, mummy will always be your mummy, okay? Because if it wasn’t for mummy, you wouldn’t be here. There is no way you can’t have a mummy.”
He took her tiny hand into his and led it between her chest. “As long as you keep her here, mummy will always be there. She’ll never leave us, bub. She’s watching over us and protecting us from bad things.” He bent forward to place another soft kiss onto her forehead. “Now, no more crying love, alright? I bet mummy wouldn’t want us to be sad.”
Beau responded by only nodding her head. Harry laid her back onto her bed carefully and stayed beside her as long as she needed him to. She asked him if he could tell her stories about the past, which Harry gladly complied to, and the more he told her about him and his wife, the more he fell in love with her. And actually, this was the most painful thing. Loving somebody unconditionally, but not being able to show it. When Beau finally fell asleep with a smile on her lips and cuddling her teddy bear, Harry gave her a one last kiss on her cheek and covered her up tightly so she wouldn’t catch a cold.
The weather was a bit windy and rainy recently, and he wanted to prevent her of getting sick.
He closed the door carefully behind him and made his way back downstairs. He was still beyond mad, and if something like this should happen again, he would not hesitate to make the responsible person’s life a living hell. What the fuck was just wrong with the world nowadays? Harry could not understand.
Taking a bottle of wine and a matching glass from the kitchen, Harry sat down on the couch in his living room. He felt the pain that he tried to suppress for almost one year now creeping its way onto the surface. How many nights had he just spent crying himself to sleep, just wishing it was all a dream? How many times had he just insulted and cursed at the drunken man who just took the love of his life away from him? How many times had he just wished that it was the man who painfully met death’s eye instead of his love? It took him so much strength, so many therapy sessions and so much compassion to reach the point where he was now. Acceptance. Even though it was too hard, Harry had to accept that she was gone. Gone physically, but never emotionally. Sometimes, Harry thought he felt her presence nearby, hearing her voice or smelling her perfume, and it made him question his sanity.
Pouring a bit of wine into his glass and taking a gulp out of it, Harry decided to rummage through some family albums that he had not touched since the incident one year ago. The pain was still fresh back then, and he didn’t dare to look into them with fear that he might experience another meltdown.
He randomly opened a page, and the picture he saw instantly took his breath away. There she was, his beautiful wife, smiling happily at him. Harry still remembered taking the picture like it was yesterday. They had been at a family wedding, and she had been 8 months pregnant with Beau. Harry remembered how stunning she had looked and that he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her the entire day. She had his attention all for herself. She wore a slight pink evening dress that Harry had chosen for her. Pink was the new black for him, and he was proud of having found a dress that she also liked.
She smiled happily at the camera, her one hand being placed protectively over her belly- as if she was afraid that something could happen to their unborn baby-while she steadied the other hand on her waist. She wore a floral wreath on her perfectly made hair and her beauty shone brighter than the sun. She was so excited to become a mother that she was marked with happiness. Harry wished he could turn back to that moment, just to see her happy again.
A tear dropped on his hand as he traced the outline of her flawless face. “I miss you, darling,” he sniffled, wiping away the tears that followed after the first one. “I love you so much, my perfect wife.”
How much he wished she was there with him. Holding her tight was what he wanted, kissing her soft lips was what he desired and loving her was what he longed for.
He had asked himself countless times what he had done that fate had to punish and traumatize him this much. Harry had always been kind, respectful and supportive of other people, however life had rewarded him with the worst. Life had been so unfair to him, Harry had no clue why.
When Harry got the call from the hospital, being told that his wife had been involved in a car accident, his whole had crushed down. He had wasted no time and rushed to the hospital with a racing heart, but unfortunately it had been too late. All he had found was a soulless corpse of his wife and doctors who had wished him their deepest condolences. He had dropped on his knees, cried and screamed until he had no voice anymore. Harry couldn’t even remember how he had made it out of that hospital on that fateful night, or how he could make it through the funeral. His insides had been numb the entire time. He never wanted to feel any emotion again.
Another problem Harry faced was telling his little girl about her mother’s passing. It was definitely the biggest challenge in his entire life. Seeing his little Beau mourning over the loss of her mother tore his heart apart even though he was convinced that there was no heart between his ribs anymore. His wife had taken his it with her to afterlife. He never wanted to see Beau in that state ever again. He had to be strong for the sake of his own health, and for Beau. They got all the support they needed so far, and life was getting a bit easier from time to time. But it would never be the same.
Turning the pages over, he looked at the next photos, often smiled or even cried at some point. All these moments that were pictured on them crushed his insides, but Harry gladly accepted it. He was proud of having spent all these beautiful moments with his wife and daughter. He felt privileged to be surrounded by people like them.
The last picture and the more recent one was taken last year a few months before the accident. Harry had taken his family on a vacation to the Maldives, and they had spent some wonderful family time over there. Their last one as a complete family. The three of them were smiling into the camera, with Harry laying his arms lovingly and protectively over his wife’s shoulder while she had Beau pressed against her chest. They looked like a perfect family which they truly were. Harry had never been in love with somebody that much before.
When his wife had come into his life, he had learned another side of love. A love that he would have died for. From the first moment he had laid his eyes on her, he had already known that she was the one he wanted to spend a lifetime with. And when he was told about her death, he wished it was him who had died that night. He would have sacrificed himself if it promised her safety.
“I really hope you’re fine wherever you are, angel,” he whispered into nothingness. “We miss you so much, but I know that you are patiently waiting for us and I cannot wait to have you in my arms again. I swear I will never let you go, love. I love you. More than you’ll ever know.” Speaking these words, Harry snapped the album shut and put it back into its place.
That night, Harry felt more at ease when he fell asleep- as if his wife was lying right beside him and covering him with her warmth.
A few weeks later, when Mother’s Day finally arrived, Harry and Beau found themselves in the cemetery. Beau had made something special for her mother and was very excited to lay it onto her grave. Harry had bought the prettiest roses that he could find, and it was a large bouquet that he carried along with him. He only wanted the best for his wife.
When they were standing in front of her grave, Beau let go of his hand and slowly walked towards the space where her mother was resting. She carefully laid her gift onto the grave.
“I love you mummy,” she said quietly. “I hope you like my present for you. I worked really hard on it.”
“Happy Mother’s Day, my darling,” Harry said, placing the bouquet carefully next to his daughter’s present. His fingers traced over the cold gravestone where his wife’s name was written on. “We love you dearly and we miss you.”
Beau also placed a little note next to her present. Written by a little girl’s hand, it says:
To the loveliest angel from all angels, my dear mummy.
#harry styles imagine#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x reader#harry styles fluff#harry styles one shot#harry styles fic#harry styles writing#daddy!harry#one direction imagine#one direction fanfiction#one direction imagines#one direction one shot#one direction writing
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Bloom
Long Exposure flower shop AU. This was written off this fanart by sadcooki WOW it’s just so good GO LOOK AT IT please. Made me think of the song Bloom by the Paper Kites. Maybe probably to be posted on ao3 someday maybe? Idk. Story under the break!
It’s a Wednesday, their slowest day of the week. Even worse yet it’s a chilly, windy Wednesday; the clear sky and bright sun deceptive of the dropping October temperatures. Everybody’s bought their Mums for the fall season and the Sunflowers in their greenhouse are starting to wilt a bit.
First thing Mitch does is check on the Indian corn, then the dried Sumac his mom wants to make wreaths with. The heat is on, he’s sure of it, since the warm gust of air that had welcomed him in the early morning had made his eyes tired and heavy.
Regardless, he checks the thermostat, then makes his way back to the greenhouse. It’s barely the size of a backyard shed, lined with damaged plywood shelves on all sides. He starts at the bottom shelf, gently moving each pot out just slightly to check on the plant’s growth.
October is his least favorite month for succulents, but he checks each and every one all the same.
The bottom shelf is the chilliest, populated by small terracotta pots of cold-hardy Senecio Haworthii Cocoon Plant. He runs his fingertips over the fine hair of the plant. They won’t produce their pretty yellow flowers for some time, but they’re sprouting up happily ahead of schedule.
Next shelf up is his favorite for the month, Kalanchoe Tomentosa. For now, these are the smallest, but they’ll grow nicely. The little buds will mature to become alluring, but dangerous; he doesn’t sell them to people with cats or kids or anything likely to eat it, because it’s super poisonous. Which is pretty killer, if you ask him.
Top shelf are his pride and joy, the Echinocereus Reichenbachii. The cacti are growing thick with mean spikes despite the poor conditions, and he grins. It’ll be hard to sell these beauties.
He never actually made it far enough in science classes for their technical names to mean dick to him, but he still calls each and every one by its given name. Writes them down, knows how to pronounce them, makes an effort to remember them. It’s a respect thing. It’s probably why they grow for him even in the cooler weather with only the protection of their shitty, ramshackle greenhouse.
He turns away, crouching to check the bed of soil on the floor. Heavy leaves and thick vines twist and curl through the dirt and onto the floor, yellow flowers dotting the green. A few yellowish pumpkins cling to the vines.
The bell on the door jingles, alerting him of his Mom’s arrival.
That, and her shrill voice rings out, “OH brrr, it’s cold as a witch’s tit outside! Feels so nice in here, huh, Mitchy?”
“Yup,” he calls back, trimming the dead leaves from the pumpkin plant and carefully shutting the door to the greenhouse to amble his way back inside.
“Gonna be a slow day, huh?”
“Mm,” he grunts. He’s not exactly looking forward to being here all day, yet again, just like every other day.
But supporting his mom’s dream is worth it. So it’s okay. As Henrietta pulls her hair up into a ponytail and lights her first cigarette of the day, he sighs. It’s gonna be a long one. Winter sales are painfully slow this time of year. Too far from Halloween from pumpkins, but they can’t grow that many anyway. Too wintery for gardens, because everyone’s content letting their summer flowers die off. Far, far off from the holiday season of holly and berry and poinsettia.
Flower shop limbo. What purgatory feels like, probably.
Henrietta busies herself all morning, humming and smoking while she makes pretty wreathes. Burlap bows and twine wrap her creations, brightened by the Indian corn and Sumac Mitch had fetched for her. He moves their larger plants and bushes around at his Mom’s command, and in no time he’s caked head to toe in dirt.
“I changed my mind, put that Little Henry on the top shelf and move the Brandywine out to the front, so people can see it.”
“In the window?”
“No, next to the doors! And look,” she holds up one of her creations happily, “so cute. Would this be nice on the door?”
“Yeah, I think it’d be perfect,” he responds, smiling a bit. Her excitement about the little things makes the terrible mundaneness of this place bearable. He lugs the Brandywine out to the front, shivering as a large gust whips down the narrow street. A shirt with sleeves probably would have been a good decision today, he thinks as he hangs Henrietta’s decoration on the door. As he’s lugging the second, inexplicably heavier Brandywine over their doorjam, he hears the quick shuffle of footsteps interrupt the silent morning.
Must be 9:30 already. The morning really flew by. Pretending not to look, he stares from the side of his eye at the figure ambling down the street. The boy wraps his jacket tighter around himself, ducking his head as the sharp winds blow his wild, chocolate brown curls around. The sun’s doing that thing it always does around this time, becomes bright and golden as the boy walks down the street, illuminating all the shop windows and catching the mailboxes.
Almost like the dark-haired boy himself is the sun, brightening everything for a single glorious moment before he ducks into the cafe across the street. Mitch sighs. Another day, another opportunity to talk to him passed because he’s too goddamn chicken. How long had he been watching him from afar? Maybe something like 8 months now. He’s thought about going into the cafe, ordering something for the chance to talk to the guy, but that’s too... forced. Lost in thought, he barely hears his Mom calling him from inside.
She’s hand-painted them a sign, “Freddie’s Flowers” in happy blue letters on white, and it’s his job to hang it above the stained red awning on the front of the building. He teeters on the very top step of a rickety ladder, his knees wavering as he grips nails between his teeth and hammers the sign into the wood siding. Another big gust of wind and he’s shaking, from cold and the shuddering ladder.
“Hey up there,” he hears a musical voice call. He looks down, squinting against the sunshine. Big green eyes and a shy smile greet him. The air is knocked from his lungs.
It’s the boy.
Mitch nearly inhales a nail as he drops the hammer, fumbling it in his hands and getting far too close to dropping off the ladder. He scrambles down, awkward, gangly limbs barely catching the rungs before his ratty sneakers hit the pavement.
The boy’s so small. Even prettier up close. A smattering of freckles adorns him, from the expanse of his smooth forehead, down the curve of his neck, then disappear under the collar of his sweater. His teeth are pearly, perfectly straight below his lips, and he’s still grinning. His curls are loose, wild, look like they feel so incredibly soft. He smells amazing.
Mitch hasn’t said anything for almost a solid minute, and the boy is starting to look slightly unnerved.
“Hi. Hey,” Mitch breathes.
“Hi,” the boy’s smile grows, “Are you Freddie?”
“Ah, no. I’m Mitch,” his words falter only slightly. It’s been years since he’s been called his brothers name.
“Oh, nice to meet you. I’m Jonas, I work- like, right there,” he finishes with a soft giggle, pointing across the street.
“Yeah, I know,” Mitch says automatically. “I see you- I see you most days, walking in,” he prattles, trying to recover as his face flushes red.
“I usually see you, too,” Jonas smiles softly, “but you’ve never come in, so I thought I’d bring something to you.” He raises a white cup, stamped with a picture of a Magnolia flower, and extends it out to Mitch.
Goddamn he fucking hates coffee. But he takes it, his freezing fingers brushing against Jonas’ as he takes it and knocks back a swig.
I mean, at least the boy tried to make it drinkable. There’s probably cream and sugar in it, but fuck, it’s still so disgusting. He keeps his face straight as the bitter liquid sits on his tongue.
“Thanks, it’s good,” he lies. “I needed this.”
“Yeah, I just thought you looked hot- COLD. I thought you looked cold. I thought you needed something hot. To drink. So I brought you coffee,” a blush is rising from Jonas’ neck, over his cheeks and up to his hairline as he sputters the words out.
“No, it’s perfect, I did,” Mitch responds quickly. “Thanks, thank you.”
They stay quiet for a moment, Jonas staring into the window of the shop, Mitch staring at Jonas.
“I’ll see you around then, right?” Jonas asks, cocking his head to the side and looking painfully cute.
“Yeah,” Mitch answers back far too quickly, then clears his throat. “Definitely.” They smile at each other for just a second before Jonas nods and turns away, walking quickly back into the cafe across the street. His heart is beating rapidly.
So that didn’t go amazing. He wasn’t smooth or flirtatious or charming like he had always dreamed he’d be when he finally got the balls to talk to Jonas, but it could’ve gone worse. He stares through the window of the cafe and takes another sip of coffee, using everything in him not to shudder at the taste. Through the window he catches Jonas’ green eyes on him again. They widen in embarrassment as he looks down and away, shuffling away from the glass. Mitch grins.
Yeah. That definitely could’ve gone worse.
The next day he comes in late, lugging a heavy box of plastic pots from their garden supplier and grunts his way through the backdoor. He’s in a shitty mood. Their supplier got them the wrong size pots, it had started to pour as he was loading them into the truck, and worst of all he didn’t see Jonas through the cafe window. He slings his apron over his neck lazily as he pushes his soaking wet hair back. Henriettas’ chattering away to a customer at the counter, but he doesn’t bother paying attention, standing on his tiptoes to pull a heavy Oakleaf Hydrangea from the top shelf someone had ordered earlier.
“Hey up there,” a familiar voice rings out, and he can’t control how fast he spins around with a grin.
“Hey! It’s- it’s Jonas, right?” Mitch asks, making like he hasn’t been repeating the name over and over in his head since the moment he heard it.
“Yeah. I needed some flowers for the tables, so of course I’d come here. I was... wondering where you were,” Jonas finishes quickly, staring intently at Mitch’s exposed arms then darting his eyes away to the bush.
“I had to pick up a delivery,” Mitch says, bending to place the plant down, “so what’re you thinkin’ for the tables?”
“Gosh. I have no idea,” Jonas lets out an embarrassed, breathy laugh. “Something... Fall-y? Yellow, or oranges maybe? Reds? I’m terrible at this stuff.”
“I have an idea. C’mere” he nods, leading Jonas to their fridge and bending to gather some stems. “I’ll do it. Just some sprigs, yeah?”
“Yeah, the vases are really small, and we have five tables,” Jonas leans down to watch what he’s doing, and Mitch stops breathing. He smells like warm bread and vanilla, and his hand lays softly on Mitch’s shoulder to balance himself.
“How’s, uh, how’s this?” he asks, raising a small arrangement. “Antique Rose, Foxglove, Agonis and some Privet Berries. It’s not really what you asked for, but-”
“No! No, it’s perfect. But how much-”
“Nothing. Consider ‘em payback for the coffee,” Mitch says, red face turned away from Jonas as the small hand squeezes his shoulder. His long fingers waver a bit as he wraps the arrangements with twine.
When he stands to hand them over, Jonas beams up at him. He’s breathless when Jonas’ fingers graze his, sending electricity down his arms as he thanks him for the flowers. The smaller boy walks out with a shy wave, and bids goodbye to Henrietta. Mitch watches him walk the entire way back to the cafe. His mom clears her throat and he looks over to her. She’s got a Cheshire grin.
“He’s cute as hell.”
“Right?”
“So ask him out!”
“Him? He’s way outta my league. I’ll just... keep givin’ him flowers. And drinkin’ that nasty coffee,” he makes a face. Henrietta shakes her head, smiling as she plucks a stem of Thistle from his t-shirt.
Jonas brings him a coffee the next morning.
And the next one.
And the next afternoon, when he comes in late again from delivery. He does the cafe’s flowers once a week as repayment. Months since their first meeting, Mitch still hasn’t gotten the courage to take anything further than a shy smile, a familiar hello, a kind favor. Though they don’t talk much, their encounters are always filled with touch. A soft, small hand on his bicep. Fingers grazing his and remaining on them just a second too long. Once he had even pulled a leaf from Jonas’ curls, knees weak at the silkiness of his hair.
One rainy day, when Jonas brings him a drink and turns to leave, Mitch catches his arm.
“Wait,” he says, and he swears when Jonas turns back around he looks hopeful. “I’m about to take a break. Do you... Wanna sit down with me?”
“Sure,” Jonas breathes back. Mitch drops his arm and leads him to the back, pulling out a folding chair and gesturing to it as he leans against the potting table.
“Sid’ll probably wonder where I am,” Jonas muses, but plops down in the chair as his eyes scan the ribbon wall, the bouquet wraps, the filler flowers in the cooler. Their knees are almost touching in the close space. He doesn’t stay seated for long before his eyes widen and he rises, brushing past Mitch to the cooler and pointing at a wedding arrangement.
“This is gorgeous!” he grins, and Mitch comes up behind him.
“Yeah, can’t take credit for that. That was my Mom... but I’ll make you one like that. If you want it.” One of his long arms is caging Jonas in against the cooler, the other places the coffee down and shoves into his pocket.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” Jonas waves noncommittally and glances back at him.
“You... I dunno. You wouldn’t have to. Ask, I mean,” he’s fumbling and blushing.
“Why not?”
“Well,” he starts, his eyes on the back of Jonas’ neck as he stares into the cooler, “I like doin’ flowers for you. You appreciate ‘em.” Jonas laughs and turns, his back pressed against the glass and his front nearly pressed against Mitch. Bravely, Mitch doesn’t back up or retreat. He keeps close.
“That’s how I feel about bringing you coffee, too,” Jonas says almost dreamily, then hums out a laugh. “Feels nice.”
Jonas’ gem-green eyes are locked on his, and he’s melting. His skin sears as Jonas shifts against him, their torsos so close to touching, their hands knocking intermittently as Jonas moves and he feels a knee brush against his. It’s electric.
“I dunno... I feel kinda shitty,” he says honestly, staring down with adoration. Jonas’ eyes become alarmed.
“What? Why?”
“I mean... I’ve kinda been lyin’ to ya,” the words are said with a sheepish grin.
“About what?”
“You won’t get mad?”
“I hope not,” Jonas retorts with a cocked eyebrow. Mitch snorts.
“I... don’t like coffee.” He looks away, rubbing the back of his neck and casting his eyes down as Jonas inhales. He hears giggling, bubbly and musical but slightly muffled. Jonas’ freckled hand is over his mouth. He shakes his head as he brings the hand to run through his curls.
“I don’t believe it,” he says, still laughing softly, “I- I’m actually really allergic to flowers.” Mitch bites his lower lips and snorts, chuckling through his teeth as they both turn bright red.
“I like your coffee, though,” he says after an extended silence.
“Your flowers don’t bother me that much, either,” Jonas grins, so bright and gorgeous that Mitch can’t stand not touching him for a moment longer. He brings his hands up to cradle Jonas’ cheeks, reveling in the warmth of them under his cold fingers. Jonas’ smile drops, but his eyes brighten as they grow closer, close than they’ve ever been.
Mitch closes the gap quickly, his eyes slipping closed as he softens into the warmth of Jonas’ mouth. Arms wind around his neck and pull him closer as they kiss slowly, the world seeming to disappear. He could spend forever like this, only focusing on Jonas and his lips and skin and smell. He intends to, actually.
He teases Jonas lower lips with his teeth, tastes his tongue and presses them firmly together. Small steps close the gap between their bodies, and suddenly he’s pressing Jonas into the cool glass while hands stroke the back of his neck gently. Jonas’ panting is one of the most magnificent sounds he’s ever heard, that along with the soft whine which escapes him.
“Oh, Mitch,” Jonas moans, just above a whisper. He was enamored before, but now he’s beyond smitten hearing the sound of his name on Jonas’ lips.
“God, Joey baby, that sounds nice,” he sighs between their kisses, his heart fluttering as Jonas’ hands make their way into his hair. They’re in heaven, wrapped up in each other for what seems like an eternity, shutting off everything but the parts of themselves dedicated to the other.
A loud bang makes them jump and instantly they’re feet apart, wiping their swollen lips and blushing furiously.
“Mit- Oh fuck, shit, sorry! Keep goin’, sorry!” Henrietta raises her eyebrows, waving her hands and backing out of the door. Their breathing is heavy as they look back at each other.
“So. D’ya wanna... go out sometime? On a real date?” Mitch says, swallowing thickly.
“That sounds pretty great,” Jonas flushes with a smile, still out of breath. “We can go for coffee.”
“Yeah. I’ll bring flowers.”
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On the Importance of Anger
I have been feeling very angry the past couple of days. Not a cute, woke-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed kind of grumpiness; but proper, full on, unadulterated rage. Up until a few nights ago I had been feeling incredibly content. I had just celebrated my 21st birthday, finished my first big uni assignment before my break started, and had been keeping myself busy with the task of putting down self-tapes for my agent to stockpile until work in the acting industry (hopefully) picks up again. I was thriving in my little bubble, and things were looking good for life post-Covid-19.
And then it happened. As surely as I fell asleep happy as ever on Monday night, I woke up on Tuesday morning seeing absolute red. I was fucking mad. I wanted to yell at people and drop crockery on the floor (in a destructive way, not a celebratory one like the way my Greek relatives do). I went for a run for the first time in a month, hoping to somehow expel my rage through physical force. It felt very strange and I couldn’t comprehend this new feeling, as anger is not really a word in my emotional vocabulary. Sure I’ve had my moments, my tantrums, my teenaged screaming matches with my dad over not letting me drink at a party even though everybody else is. But true anger? True anger (anger as visceral as this) is not something that I’m familiar with.
I feel most women can relate to this. Anger is not an emotion that we’re encouraged to indulge in, much less exhibit. Yes, in the last century we have a come a long way from the bubbly, one-dimensional housewife. But I believe in society’s subconscious, women are still expected to be mainly docile creatures, stoic at times but never outwardly enraged. This is a massive juxtapose to our male counterparts. Men are allowed to get angry, men are supposed to get angry. We watch men yell and scream and hurt each other and think nothing of it. Men are aggressive, men are tough, men are ‘rage’, and if they’re not then there’s something wrong. We glorify male fury in such an intense way that it does huge damage to both us and themselves. Thankfully, we now better understand this ‘toxic-masculinity’, and I see people all over the gender spectrum actively engaging in ways to eradicate it. But since we are encouraging men to break down and let go of the societal and cultural barriers that force them to be ‘tough’, I believe that women have the right to be taking some of this newly spared anger into themselves.
Feeling such an intense and almost painful rage towards something I couldn’t understand initially terrified me. Did I have an undiagnosed brain tumour? Was I about to turn into one of those people who you just steer clear of because you never know how they’re going to react? I had no idea. On the first day, my thought process was completely muddled and confused. After my run, I brooded around the house in my dressing gown and socks, sourly watching ‘Friends’ for most of the afternoon to try and take my mind off things. I wasn’t used to anger, I hadn’t dealt with it before, and feeling something that prompted me to actually go outside and engage in high intensity physical activity surely wasn’t a good thing. After a long bath and some ice-cream cake (which had no calming effect), I decided to ride it out.
Waking up on Wednesday morning was an entirely different experience. I was still just as angry as the day before, but it felt really fucking good. It was like the fog had cleared and I was thinking with the most clarity that I’d had in a very, very long time. I embraced the anger, I relished in it. I went for a run and with each thumping step felt my body heave and pulse with the rage that just 24 hours ago I had been trying so desperately to push out. I sung and I laughed and I danced to Die Antwoord (I wish I could say something cooler like Violent Soho, but apparently raging Mia is a big fan of zef). I cursed myself for ever self-victimising and making myself feel any less than what I was. I went for a walk with a friend and openly expressed how I was feeling and what I was thinking. No concealment, no censorship, just complete, brutal honesty. We went for a swim and the water only made me feel better. The ocean; a menacing, violent, angry force itself, welcomed me into its swell of chaos with crashing waves and windy skies. I wasn’t apologising for anything, I wasn’t trying to justify, I just let myself be.
After eating dinner, watching TV, and allowing myself to partake in the age old activity of swearing at people on the news (a past time best suited to my dad and not something I’ll be doing again in future), I fell asleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt new. Something within me had changed in the last 48 hours, and although I know I still have more growing to do as a person, a weird break-through had been made. I was feeling more myself, and I was feeling empowered.
Now, over the last couple of years I’ve really come to hate that fucking word. Whenever I hear “empowered”, “empowerment” or “empowering”, I usually wince in fear of an ad for G-strings or an influencer talking about her new boob job. These words have all become commercial tools used to reel women in and make them buy and do things that in most cases are quite the opposite. It’s sad that feminism has lost the handle on a word that is so integral to it’s movement, but today is the first time in a long time I feel that I can use it without a price tag.
I know this is by no means a ground breaking realisation, but it is only now that I really understand just how important anger is to be empowered as a woman. Anger is really fucking empowering. For women, in order for us to grow as individuals and as a force united, we need to let ourselves feel that same, pure, unadulterated, visceral rage that we have forced men to indulge in for a millennium. Every once in a while, we must kick and scream and cry and yell and punch the metaphorical wall and let ourselves just fucking be. We must curse the earth that we walk on and howl at the sky above. We must let it pour out of us in waves and consume the space that we hold until every last droplet has dried up. And then, after we can breathe again, we come back.
I’m sure that many older women will read this and laugh, well aware of the power that this anger holds, remembering themselves experiencing the same epiphany that I am right now. Our fore-mothers have been telling us for ions: in books, in song, in film, in fight.
It is only now that I can hear.
Mia Evans Rorris, 2020
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