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#and it just leads to such a bad quality of life and total isolation. because i don't know how to reach out properly
blonding · 1 year
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oh gary i am so lonely. help!
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strawberrydykke · 1 year
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long post basically about nothing
omg up at night and can't sleep which always leads you to make good decisions. anyway i was looking at my ex's sister's reddit account and she made a comment probably about ME. where she said i was really awful to her and to my ex and that her family only invited me to events because they didn't want my ex to isolate himself from them or feel like he had to defend me. and like idk! everyone has their own memory of things. mine is that she was always super rude to me, talked over me, literally transphobic lol. we got in maybe two arguments over the two years that i dated her brother. other than that i didn't like her, but i think i was usually polite. obviously she would disagree. who's to say.
i don't think i was awful to my ex either. i don't think we were compatible, i think he really fucked me over in some ways. i know that i teased him a lot, but i thought that it was good natured couple ribbing, but he took it more seriously, and never communicated that to me until it all came pouring out like a year in. i feel bad about that but at the same time he never told me it bothered him, so like that just sucks! i think i was also nice to him, waaaaaaaaay too understanding of a lot of things (constantly blowing me off, slut shaming me LOL, generally being kind of sexist and racist toward me/my family). i think i supported him, helped him with school, helped him find a job, etc. like it wasn't a perfect relationship, but we were literally 19 so that's normal lol. maybe he thinks i was totally awful, which would be fair, breakups tend to color your view. i thought he was awful for a long time. now i just don't really care. he's a person, i'm a person, we both made mistakes. i don't really wish him well in life but i don't wish him harm either lol. it just doesn't concern me.
to be honest i think i am SUPER bothered by the idea that his whole family hated me and was just trying to keep me from isolating him or something. like obviously, i wouldn't have tried to isolate him from his family. i wouldn't have been mad if he went to family events without me, and i don't think i portrayed that. it's not like i butted in and insisted that i always be invited, and honestly i went to a lot more things than i wanted to because i wanted them to like me! like i am kind of just hoping that this is his sister being dramatic and extrapolating.
i was never that close with either of his parents and my relationship with his dad was always SUPER awkward but i really cared for his mom. she was really nice to me and i have unresolved mommy issues lol. i would like to think i was nice to her back and that she liked me. it's really hurtful to think that maybe she didn't and that it was all an act.
anyway. I will definitely talk about this in therapy lol but IN GENERAL. i'm not going to spiral about this. i think it's fair to have conflicted feelings on the mom thing but i'm not going to let it convince me that i'm actually an awful person or something and i've only tricked people into liking me. i have plenty of great qualities and i have some that aren't so great! but so does everyone else, nobody is perfect. i have friends and i have had a fair amount of romantic interests since then that clearly didn't think i was the worst person on earth. sooooo many people see value in me and think that i enrich their life and i'm not gonna argue with that. not everyone has to like me for all of this to be true and unfortunately sometimes that might include people i see as maternal figures. it seems like a bigger deal that it is because of my issues but really it's okay.
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sunmoontruth-stiles · 3 years
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Ok this is gonna be long. I’ve literally been slowly working on this for… too long. I’m just in a mood to have a long discussion about ships. I’ll be looking at canon and not, so bare with me. I don’t ship all of these personally. I’m mostly just picking the most popular ones. I chose to leave out a few that I just don’t want to talk about. I tried to keep this loosely chronological, but that quickly went to hell. None of this is meant to be hate towards anyone’s ship, just my personal opinions on each of them.
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Canon:
Scott x Allison: True Classic
Scallison is so sweet as it is truly the epitome of young love. Romeo and Juliet, except Romeo is even more of an idiot and Juliet is a badass who dies for a cause. They’re moral and ethical codes are both highly valued by themselves, even if they don’t align with others very often. They loved with everything they had. They were beautiful. We’re they soulmates in the end, or just the first love who will always hold a special place in your heart? Who knows, but I’ll always love these immature kids who thought their love could change everything.
Stiles x Lydia: The Long Awaited
Stydia is as slow burn as you can get. Unfortunately their actual getting together was slightly rushed in my opinion. They didn’t have time to find their own as a couple because Stiles just wasn’t in the show enough at that point. I know the reasons behind it, but it did leave this couple at an awkward stage of official-but-not-shown. The idea that Stiles loved her as a kid, immature and infatuated, and he saw her for who she really was, will always be cute. Then they grew, changed, became friends, and found other people. Them finding each other later on, having real love that’s developed slowly, is a wonderful arc. Though, a part of me will always believe they should have pursued other story lines in the wake of Stiles’ absence from the plot. They’re finally together! …but we don’t get to see it.
Jackson x Lydia: The Image
Oh Jackson and Lydia. Honestly, I love them. Their connection at a time in their lives when they couldn’t open up to anyone else, just hits me right in the feels. I mean, god that HUG. You know the one. Always brings me to tears. I’m so sad their relationship was almost entirely depicted during Jackson’s kanima time when he couldn’t think nor truly act for himself. Those small moments of scared vulnerability when he wanted to protect her from himself… I’ll miss these two. They deserved to find other people and remain life-long friends. I loved their moment in the last episode. I wish they’d gotten to see each other grow. Also they had such bixbi solidarity vibes, and I’ll die on that hill.
Scott x Lydia: Leaders
Ok, I’m gonna be honest here. I ship it. The power couple they would have been?? Also them coming together after they lost Allison would have actually made sense. A part of me kinda wishes the writers had moved on from Stydia as a romantic relationship and leaned into them growing as friends and Stiles moving on from his childhood crush. Scott and Lydia actually would have had good chemistry. They were both very headstrong heroic types, but Lydia would have balanced Scott out well intellectually. They had the history, and I think it could had worked if they wrote it right. Plus, Scott and Lydia would have been a better endgame that Scalia.
Scott x Kira: New Beginnings
These two were adorable. Kira was a badass, don’t get me wrong, but she let herself be soft in a way Allison was always afraid to. This couple was truly Baby. Absolute dorks. I can definitely see the lasting quality between the two of them. They saw things very similarly, and had a ton in common. I do think Kira deserves more characterization outside of their relationship, like more of her friendship with Malia. Overall, her departure from the show will always be sad to me. It was bad writing. Scott was over her far too quickly.
Aiden x Lydia: Pretty People Herd
I honestly didn’t see much between these two other than mutual attraction. The best thing to come out of this relationship was Lydia’s line, “You’re not just a bad boy, Aiden. You’re a bad guy. And I don’t want to be with the bad guys.” Good character development moment.
Ethan x Danny: Step to Redemption
Danny really was the thing that made Ethan look outside of the pack for what he really wanted out of life. They had a few cute scenes. Gotta love Danny’s final remarks, “Dude, it’s Beacon Hills.”
Allison x Isaac: Unexpected Rebound
Ok, I like these two. Isaac could match Allison’s snark in a way Scott couldn’t. They both fought the progression of the relationship slightly. They didn’t expect to fall for each other. They were less willing to let someone in close. I’d love to have seen more… but unfortunately their time was limited. On a side note, sometimes their relationship did feel like ‘we both are in love with the same guy, let’s cope with each other’, but I find that completely valid. I’ll talk about Scallisaac later though.
Stiles x Malia: Anchors
Ok but, them <3 I love what they did for each other. Stiles was able to help Malia connect to her humanity and other people. He never tried to isolate her in their relationship and encouraged her growth. Malia offered Stiles the emotional support he never asked for. She defended him, fought for him, and loved him fiercely. Stiles needed that so much after season 3. I think they were a love that wasn’t meant to last, but the impact of it was forever. I wish we’d gotten to see a real end for them where they agreed that they needed to grow as individuals but would always still care.
Liam x Hayden: Three’s a Pattern
These two’s characterization stopped whenever they had storylines together. Their relationship was built on Scallison references. Hayden’s character could have been interesting, but they never really gave her a moment to shine. Liam has the worst plots when they revolved around her. Cute couple, poor writing.
Derek x Braeden: Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girl Boss
Derek deserves to be happy so much. Kate and Jennifer were just... jeez. Him and Braeden were cute and deserved more screen time. I think her intensity allowed for Derek to let go of control a bit more comfortably. Let Derek Be Soft. Anyway, love them.
Corey x Mason: Gotta Have That Rep TM
These two could have been cute if they were shown for more than two seconds at a time. I highkey forget Corey even existed all the time. Kinda just felt like a relationship to fill TW’s gay quota.
Jackson x Ethan: The Callback
Honestly? Loved them. Loved the chemistry. Loved the dynamic. Best twist. I know it was probably written in like that because Colton came out during his time away from the show, but it absolutely fit his character. Jethan is top tier.
Melissa x Chris: BAMF Parent Duo
Ok, so like, Melissa deserved this plot. She deserved someone to care about her. However... what the hell? Chris? In canon, his wife died like 2-ish years prior? His daughter died 1 year prior?? Is Chris really in a position to pursue a new relationship?? Also, like, Scott and Allison dated and loved each other up to her death. Kinda weird to have their parents hook up. I don’t hate it, but I don’t ship it…?
Scott x Malia: Lead up? What’s lead up?
These two came out of nowhere I stg. Like, 6B really tried to tell us this was something that had been slowly developing in the background? Also, I understand that they are their own people, adults, and completely in charge of their own romantic pursuits: but did Scott seriously never call Stiles? Like, Malia wasn’t just his first girlfriend. She was his first. Like, dude that’s your best friend?? Not even a head’s up? No, ‘hey would this bother you?’ Oof. Plus Malia was way too chaotic for Scott. She existed in gray morality that always prioritized her immediate circle, and Scott was a very black/white type of heroism. I just didn’t feel like they fit.
Non-Canon:
Scott x Stiles: Childhood Best Friends
Ya, sorry, I don’t ship Sciles at all. I get it. Like, I totally understand the ship, and I mean no judgment at all. I just see them as friends. I really value good male friendships in media because I feel like we don’t get enough, and I always liked these two.
Stiles x Derek: Enemies to Lovers. 100k. Angst. Hurt/Comfort.
God these two really are what fanfiction was made for. I could write a much longer discussion about Sterek, and I probably will eventually. I’ll try to keep this brief. These two weren’t always on the same side, but their approach was the same. They were very similar at their core. Plus, wow the chemistry. This should have been canon. Jeff’s a coward.
Allison x Lydia: Powerful.
This ship is so great. They really had a great dynamic, and a romantic plot would have easily fit the established narrative. Lydia’s confidence in herself and Allison’s confidence in her own abilities crossing over to each other because that’s what the other lacked? Iconic.
Danny x Jackson: He Gets Him
Danny really saw Jackson for everything he was and still cared. I wished we’d gotten to see more of them. I  want more background with Jackson’s eventual coming out and his friendship with Danny. Like, they ended up dating the same guy. What did Ethan have to say about that??
Stiles x Jackson: Bastards
Ok these two had a super fun dynamic. The asshole-energy between them was, great. The snark was always so entertaining.
Melissa x Noah: Family
How were these two not endgame? Their sons were practically brothers already. They had amazing chemistry. The flirting? Not to mention, their timeline would have made way more sense. Missed opportunity.
Chris x Peter: The Opposite of Love is Indifference, Not Hate
Ok so like, this was definitely one of those ships that I had absolutely no knowledge of before I was pretty into the fandom. Like, this was not something I would have guessed just after watching the show. That being said; my god the chaos alone…
Scott x Isaac: The Disaster Duo
Okay ya I love these two. Two dumb asses who act like idiot puppies. Such a fun dynamic. Plus?? Chemistry??? Hellooo
Scott x Allison x Isaac: Three Heads Are Better Than One
This ship is definitely one of my personal favorites. I very rarely poly-ship. I just feel like most of them are just love triangles with an ‘easy solution’, when two of them have no real connection. That is so not the case here. I feel like all of them have such great chemistry with each other. They also have a great dynamic as a group. Season 3A was really just Scallisaac rights.
Stiles x Isaac: I Hate You, jk…Not Really
Ok I loved their banter, but I really just don’t see this ship. Idk, I don’t personally ship it. Would have loved to see their friendship develop more tho.
Erica x Allison: Duo that would stab you with a stiletto
I don’t ship it, but I do wish we’d seen them become friends. I feel like they had a very artificial ‘girls fighting over a boy’ dynamic? They could have been such a badass duo.
Stiles x Erica: Batman x Catwoman
Ok I’m not sure exactly how to express my feelings for these two so bare with me. OMG I love their dynamic so much, and they are sooo cute. Their energy? Amazing. Chemistry? Great. History? It’s there and has so much potential. 10/10. Love them. But, no, I don’t ship it lol. Just really love their friendship, but with the underlying history of crushes.
Boyd x Erica: Was This Not Canon?
How can anyone not love Berica? Ugh they are adorable. These two deserved so much better.
Boyd x Cora: Survivors
Honestly I don’t really see it? Like they definitely had a connection, but it never felt romantic. I really feel like they just had to lean on each other and bond to make it through captivity, and it just lasted.
Boyd x Erica x Cora: The Pack
I literally learned this was a ship a couple days ago. Similar feelings towards this as Bora, but with the added hesitancy of we never actually saw Erica and Cora interact.
Cora x Stiles: Slow Build Up
These two were clearing being lined up to be a thing before Cora ended up leaving. I can’t say I’m disappointed they never happened. Kinda felt like they just wanted to straight-code Sterek.
Cora x Lydia: Mean Lesbians
Not much interaction to actually go off of, but yes I 100% support. They have very different approaches to problems, which is fun. Very ‘opposites attract’.
Malia x Kira: “Maybe you could date the coyote?”
Another one of my favorites!! They really complimented each other. Also, how full circle would they have been? They were introduced in back-to-back episodes. Malia stalking her as a coyote? The line from Kira’s dad about dating it? It would have been so funny if that ended up happening.
Malia x Lydia: Beauty and the Beast, but make it wlw
These two were fun. I liked their friendship, but I don’t really ship it. Though, rip Stiles that would have been hilarious.
Parrish x Lydia: The Cop and The Minor
Must I say more? Like, Parrish’s character, so sweet and big rule follower, did not make sense for what went down with Lydia. I love Parrish, but the dynamic just felt off. It didn’t feel consistent with the rest of his characterization.
Parrish x Stiles: The Cop and The Minor, but gay?
Ok, same reasoning as above, but also they had absolutely no connection romantically.
Scott x Theo / Stiles x Theo: Sometimes The Villain is Hot
Ok I’ve put these together because I have the same opinion for both. I don’t ship it. Neither had any rebuilding of trust, and Theo really hurt both of them. I just don’t really think they work.
Mason x Liam: Sciles Puppy Pack Edition
Similar to my feeling about Sciles, I just don’t ship these two. They had a good friendship, from the little we saw of it.
Theo x Liam: Anchors 2: Electric Boogaloo
Another personal favorite! I really don’t even understand why this didn’t go canon?? The elevator scene was just, so intense. They helped each other grow in 6B, and I really loved their dynamic. They should have hooked up.
Honorable Mention?: 
Parrish x Laura: What’s canon?
I’ve seen this in fanfic a lot, and I actually really like it lol. I thought I’d add it in here because I do love the creativity of fandoms.
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Am I in a Healthy Relationship?
It Feels Like Love — But Is It?
It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be.
What Makes a Healthy Relationship?
Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:
Mutual respect. 
Does he or she get how great you are and why? Make sure your BF or GF is into you for who you are.
Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away, without trying to get you to change your mind?
Respect in a relationship means that each person values the other and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.
Trust.
You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool, or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him?
It's okay to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters.
There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.
Honesty.
This one goes hand-in-hand with trust, because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest.
Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie?
Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends?
The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her, and the trust will be on shaky ground.
Support.
It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you.
Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart, but not that interested in hearing about the good things in your life.
In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.
Fairness/equality.
You need to have give-and-take in your relationship.
Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see?
As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as they hang out with yours?
You'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance.
Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get their way all the time.
Separate identities.
In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises, but that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself.
When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change.
Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love.
And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
Good communication.
Can you talk to each other and share feelings that are important to you?
Don't keep feelings bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your partner wants to hear.
And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that.
What's an Unhealthy Relationship?
A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior.
Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or okay, but it's not!
Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect, or how to expect the same treatment. This does not make it okay to disrespect you!
Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship.
Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship.
Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.
Even if your partner was or is being abused, it is never okay for them to abuse you, and you aren’t a bad person for keeping yourself safe.
Warning Signs
When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's a sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.
Ask yourself, does my partner:
get angry when I don't drop everything for them?
criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
keep me from seeing friends or from talking to other guys or girls?
want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
ever raise a hand when angry, like they were about to hit me?
try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?
These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your partner is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast.
Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on, and make sure you're safe.
It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love.But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy.
No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything they don't want to do.
Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?
Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself? It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems.
Your partner isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own.
Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.
What if you feel that your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it might be time to think about whether it's a healthy match for you.
Even if your partner is mentally ill, or struggling with something in their personal life, it doesn’t mean you have to stay with them. A relationship is supposed to benefit both sides and make you both happy. If all it’s doing is making you miserable, it’s okay to end it.
You are never obligated to stay in a relationship, no matter your reasons for ending it. 
If your partner ever threatens you with hurting themselves if you leave them, tell a trusted adult immediately, and end the relationship. Even if someone is mentally ill, it is never okay to threaten self-harm or suicide to keep someone in a relationship, and you are not responsible for their actions, even if they try to blame you. Tell a trusted adult that your partner was threatening to hurt themselves, and end the relationship.
Manipulating someone with the threat of self-harm or suicide is abusive, and it is never okay.
If you are struggling with suicidal ideation or thought of self-harm, talk to a trusted adult or call a helpline. You can talk to your partner about the way you feel, but it is not okay for you to use your mental illness as a threat or a manipulation tactic.
Feeling suicidal doesn’t always mean you want to die, wishing you didn’t exist or were never born is another common symptom. Click here to find out how you can get help if you’re feeling suicidal or want to hurt yourself.
Another reason relationships might seem so difficult is because intense relationships can be hard for teens.
Some are so focused on their own developing feelings and responsibilities that they don't have the emotional energy it takes to respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship.
Don't worry if you're just not ready yet. You can take all the time you need, even if you decide you never want to date at all.
Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder — you're both still growing and changing every day. You might seem perfect for each other at first, but that can change. If you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, there's a good chance it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that no longer feels right for one or both of you.
And before you go looking for amour from that hottie from French class, respect your current beau by breaking things off before you make your move. Cheating isn’t okay, no matter your reasons.
Relationships can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too.
Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember that it's good to be choosy about who you get close to. If you're still waiting, take your time and get to know plenty of people, and know that no choice needs to be permanent.
Think about the qualities you value in a friendship, and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship.
Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others.
And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're in brings out the best in both of you.
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For the character prompts: Jon, of course! And, if you’d like another, Danny :)
Jon:
general opinion: actual love of my life
hotness level: hot jon rights, i'm making a new category for him, hot in a feral, unhinged sort of way, i will die on this hill
hogwarts house: ravenclaw through and through
best quality: he! is full! of love! this man makes my heart hurt. he tries so hard to hang onto his humanity and he makes these awful, clumsy, human decisions which, at the end of the day, ends up being driven by the fact that he just. loves people. he was heartbroken over sasha when he discovered the not!them. he killed elias citing the friends he had lost. the hunters had a knife to his throat and he still was defending gerry's memory. he tried to save jordan kennedy in the only way he could. he loves in such a clumsy, human way and i love that for him. Alternative best quality: he's a total bitch and that's great
worst quality: the boy can't think two steps ahead to save his life. literally. he has almost died several times because he can't plan worth shit.
ship them with: martin, i love them together, but i also ship him with gerry? they shared exactly one (1) episode together but they had a fantastic dynamic in it and they both legitimately treated the other with respect as a person? which is just so huge for characters that were systematically abused and used? they're both people who are isolated and used and still trying to be good. it also just has a huge ships-in-the-night aspect to it. gerry was working with gertrude when jon was at the institute. they just missed each other. and maybe, if it hadn't, they could have had someone legitimately in their corner for once
brotp them with: tim. they! were! friends! I relistened to season 2 a few months ago and tim shows such genuine concern for jon towards the beginning, before it gets messed up. and in season 1, jon trusts him to look into the oliver banks statement when he was worried it was a prank from the other two. we see so little of their early friendship but they seemed to legitimately care for each other?
needs to stay away from: elias bouchard. jimmy magma. that man. my favorite part of nhthcth comments are all of the death threats elias gets. it's great.
misc. thoughts: he's just such a tragic character and he was human until the end. he was deeply flawed and i love that because it made him so human? he wasn't your typical hero protagonist. he was just. some guy. trying his best. and in the end, he didn't win. i love that. like, the real tragedy of jonathan sims is that he was human and failed in human ways, and losing his humanity was what people accused him of most.
Danny:
general opinion: actual love of my life
hotness level: absolutely off the charts hotness, he gets a new category too, this is not me saying this this is god's truth, canonically he is obscenely hot
hogwarts house: gryffindor, my only character inspiration for him was himbo and all the boy wants to do is explore exceedingly dangerous places, the boy is just here for a good and potentially fatal time
best quality: he's very straightforward in what he wants? i'm speaking specifically of him from nhthcth, i don't have much to work with when it comes to canon danny, but like, he doesn't get caught up in a balancing risk and reward like most people. he's going straight for the gold and not getting caught up in logistics. like, he's not willing to play the sacrifice game. tim is. tim is willing to say, i'll sacrifice myself to this job because it gives danny better odds. danny would have said tough shit, we're going to succeed on the shitty odds because that's the one that actually saves us all, fuck off bouchard. like, he would die for the people he loves but he's not going to crucify himself or anyone else early. he's very solid in what he wants and what he's willing to do to get there but he's very hard to play because he's going to go the distance even if it's risky
worst quality: he will not. fucking. back down. ever. which can be a good quality in some things but it can be a really really bad quality in others. he's stubborn as shit and willing to go to ridiculous lengths to realize what he wants and sometimes that leads him to be way more reckless than is necessarily good for himself or for his greater team. he's also kind of bad with nuance? like, with jon, jon's a good person to him. he does good things with his powers. jon is good and what he does is good. simple as that. which means he fails to grasp the sheer cost of the powers and how they're legit bad to use. like, this isn't one of those things where the power is a tool and all that matters is how you use it. the power is feeding an evil god and if you use it, you're choosing to torture the person on the receiving end every single night for the rest of their lives. and yeah, jon's using it against bad people, but the act itself is bad. doesn't necessarily mean jon picked wrong when he decided to do it that way, but it does mean that jon picked something bad.
ship them with: nhthcth danny is actually aroace and has no prospects in my mind
brotp them with: jon. i love him and jon as friends. danny legitmately does not want to use jon, which is something nhthcth jon needs so badly. danny really just thinks he's a cool guy he'd like to get to know and he'd treat jon like a person, not someone who can help him get what he wants. even tim is guilty of that, to an extent. jon is tim's way of saving his brother. for danny, jon is a huge part of keeping him alive, yeah, but he doesn't want jon in his life because it's helping him. he thinks jon is a great person to have in his life because he's the sort of guy who would risk his life for a stranger. also, he's an absolute riot, holy shit, keep saying those words you crazy magic man
needs to stay away from: Grimaldi, the clown wants to peel him like an orange
misc. thoughts: kind of heart, dumb of ass. force of chaos. love is stored in the danny.
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linkspooky · 4 years
Note
What do you think about Kaneki x Eto?
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It’s my favorite Tokyo Ghoul ship? If you want to know my opinion of it, I did write a whole fanfiction on the ship. However, I can also explain my reasons for liking the ship with some character analysis. Basically, Kaneki and Eto are the same person. Kaneki loving Eto is him learning to reconcile the ugliest parts of himself. Falling in love with someone who’s just basically you in the mirror is a good way to learn some self esteem. Kaneki and Eto are the same because they’ve felt ostractized and unloved their entire lives due to having selfish and manipulative mothers, and uncaring or entirely absent fathers. 
Their response to their total sense of isolation and status as outsiders is to write a story. They both have a narrative coping mechanism of the world, that’s why of all the characters they are the most highly associated with reading and books. It’s just they assign themselves different roles in the narrative. Kaneki is the protagonist of the tragedy, and Eto is the author of the tragedy. It doesn’t change the fact they see the whole world as one big tragedy. More under the cut. 
1. The Protagonist of the Tragedy
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Kaneki’s coping mechanism has always been to imagine himself as the long suffering protagonist of the tragedy. His statement is twofold. “I’m not a protagonist or anything” and then “However if you were to write a story with me in the lead role it would certainly be a tragedy.” 
This is paradoxical thinking. What Kaneki is saying essentially is that he is not a protagonist, but he is. The difference between a protagonist of say, a heroic epic, and the protagonist of a tragedy is that a tragic protagonist is ultimately helpless before their flaws. 
Kaneki has always been outside of things. He is someone extremely isolated and lonely. He has difficulty connecting even to his lifelong best friend. Hide describes him as thus, he’s always pretending around other people and hiding his true self. Kaneki has this genuine fear of being well... genuine. He avoids emotional intimacy at any cost even though it’s the thing he craves the most. 
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Which is why it’s easier for him to cope with things through a fictitious lens. He wants to be important to people, but he doesn’t really know how to be loved, so he always, always, always, chooses fighting for their sake instead. He plays pretend hero, pretend vigilante, and even pretend king depending on the circumstances. He is always, playing roles for the sake of others instead of trying to be his own self. He pretends to be a protagonist. 
However, because of his abuse from his mother Kaneki is also unnaturally fixated on being a good person. He can’t bear to think he’s unkind, or cruel, or even violent like his mother was to him. He has such a strong, nauseous reaction to violence, he can’t even accept it within himself even when circumstances have dirven him to become violent. 
So, rather than the protagonist he also wants to keep playing the victim. The victim is helpless. The victim is sympathetic. The victim isn’t to blame for their actions. Kaneki is afraid of being in control of his own actions, because he finds it hard to face himself and his own flaws and bear that responsibility. Kaneki’s coping mechanism is to feign helpelessness. To never truly make decisions because therefore he’s not responsible when he makes the wrong one. 
It’s not just Kaneki who is coping poorly however. Whether or not he intends to his actions will always affect the people around him. Kaneki isn’t a protagonist, he’s merely pretending to be one. The problem with pretending to be a protagonist is that as a result you assign other people as supporting characters in your story, and forget that they have feelings outside of what you perceive their feelings to be. 
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This is specificallly what Touka calls out in 120. She doesn’t want to be the heroine of his tragedy. She didn’t ask for him to protect her. Kaneki does all of these things without thinking or consulting her about her feelings at all and just assumes he knows best. Pretending you’re the protagonist gives you a self-centered view of the world. Kaneki can’t be with Touka at this point, because he can’t accept Touka’s feelings for him. 
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The most poweful sign of Eto and Kaneki’s connection ever is the fact that Eto has Kaneki completely read like an open book, without even really meeting him in person. It’s because they are in essence the same person. She understands Kaneki’s total sense of isolation because she’s lived it as well for her entire life. 
Kaneki feels unloved and disconnected from others, and everything he does ultimately is in response to the lack of love he was shown as a child. That’s why Takatsuki’s lines, your parents failed in raising you. Echo so strongly for both of them. 
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Now kiss you two. 
2. The Author of the Tragedy
If Kaneki is someone who will feign helplessness, and avoid being in control of his own life then Eto is the opposite. Eto will pretend to be in control of everything because helplessness is what she fears the most. Eto was born outside of any framework or sense of stability for the world she can’t handle any of it. She longs to knock all of the structures down because they will always reject her and never include her, in the same way that Kaneki longs to be accepted by others.
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Eto reacts to the whole world like a book too, but she sees herself as the author in control of things. She’s the one writing the scenario. She chooses to bloody her own hands bcause it makes her feel in control of the violence that’s been inflicted upon her, her entire life. The things that Kaneki avoids because he’s afraid of being seen as a monster, Eto embraces willfully and becomes the monster. Eto, just like Kaneki sees everyone else as a fictional character. Whereas, Kaneki assigns them the role of support to his story, Eto sees herself as the author pitting all of the fictional characters against each other. 
Kaneki lets himself be manipulated and Eto manipulates. Eto never sees herself as backed into a corner, or desperate. Everything is a planned move on her part. Everything is an intentional sacrifice. If she’s captured, it’s because she willfully walked into their plan and let herself be captured. She’s here because she wants to be. She pretends at all time that everyone is doing what she wants them to.
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Even when captured and imprisoned in the cochlea, Eto intentionally walked in as a part of her big plan. The thing about Eto’s plans, and plans, and plans is that she’s bad at admitting when she’s losing or things are out of her control. Aogiri could never win an all out war against the CCG. Which is why Eto was too quick to burn Aogiri in a deliberate sacrifice to try to weaken the CCG as a part of her plan, rather than try to take her hands off and try a different approach. 
The same way that Kaneki never wants to take control of his own life, Eto never wants to let go of her sense of control. Which is why she’ll pretend to be control even when she isn’t. Eto is just good enough at reading and manipulating people that she can delude herself into thinking that the situation is always in the palm of her hand when it’s not. Which is why things that are genuinely out of her control and impossible to predict have a tendency to explode in her face. 
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Even when Eto loses, she always sees it as a controlled lost. She wanted Kaneki to defeat her on the Tsukiyama Tower and devour her Kagune. She gave him that victory. She is still in control. She is always the author writing down the tragedy.
The key difference between both of them is that Eto externalizes, and Kaneki internalizes. Eto is trying to fix the world to make up for the inadequacy she sees inside of herself. Kaneki is trying to fix something in himself so people will find him lovable. 
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We see in Takatsuki’s flashback chapter that Eto’s resentment of Kuzen and his cowardice, has just as much to do with her desire to destroy V and as her wish for a better world. Kaneki and Eto’s trauma informs their actions just as much as their genuine desire to improve the world. They are wholly created by the traumatic circumstances that have affected them and been poorly coping all of their lives. 
The best example to show them poorly coping with trauma is to show how they lash out. Kaneki and Eto are both children raised without any love, and they’ve come to two different conclusions. Kaneki sees himself as unlovable. That nobody is capable of loving him so he sees all relationships as a transaction and services rendered. Eto is the opposite, rather than an internal quality she focuses on an external one. She believes actual love doesn’t exist. That all love is selfish, just like her parents’ love for her ultimately was.
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It’s shockingly different the way Eto and Kuzen tell the stories of her birth. Kuzen focuses on the love story aspect, as if Eto was genuinely the product of a love that bridged the gap between two different worlds. Eto believes that her mother was only using Kuzen and sleeping with him to get information, and that she was just an unplanned pregnancy. Eto is incapable of understanding her mother’s love for both her, and her father and chooses to believe no love exists at all. Kaneki on the other hand is incapable of understanding his mother’s contradictory love for him, and chooses to believe himself unlovable.
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The person I loved so greatly beat me. I loved my mother, didn’t I? 
Kaneki and Eto are hurt not because they don’t love their mothers, but they do. Their mothers are extremely important to both of them. Yet, neither mother seems to love them back. Ukina chose Kuzen over protecting her child. Kaneki’s mother chose her sister, and everyone else in the neighborhood to take care of while neglecting and outright beating her child when he asked for basic care. Eto does everything she does in Ukina’s memory to complete her mission, and Kaneki does everything to try to be the good boy his mother wanted him to be for a good portion of his life but neither of them feel loved by that mother figure. Kaneki and Eto were failed on the most basic level by the parents who were meant to be responsible for them and loved them and as a result they are continually coping with that lack of love. 
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The difference in their coping can be seen how they both treat Kanae. Kanae has an incredible amount in common for both of them. She lives seeking love, she has been orphaned and unloved and treated like an outsider in the Tsukiyama household her entire life even though they were supposed to take care of her as her direct family. She always had a close relationship with her mother before she died. She lives by pretending to be something she’s not in order to look stronger.
Eto’s response is to insist that Kanae’s love is selfish. That she’s an ugly, monster for trying to force her feelings upon Tsukiyama. Eto goes out of her way to try to prove that love is a lie. 
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However, Kaneki much more passively also resents the hell out of Kanae. Kaneki’s wish to be loved is the same as Kanae. Kaneki will even become violent for the sake of that wish. 
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However, this is his response to Kanae at her lowest point. 
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Kaneki’s choice to internalize all of his trauma inside of himself is one that also results in destruction. Remember that this is after Tsukiyama begged Kaneki for mercy on Kanae. 
Kaneki’s habits of pretending to be helpless to avoid conflict, lead him into as much conflict as Eto gets into. The coping mechanism is different. The end result is the same. As Haise he spent the entire arc putting off conflict, but he ends up fighting Tsukiyama anyway, ends up brutalizing Kanae in the worst way possible, and even ignores Yoshimura’s wish to save Eto. 
They cope very differently. Kaneki is always trying to change himself to suit the needs of other people. Eto is always trying to change other people to suit her own needs. However, the end result is the same. Kaneki’s seems more selfless. He’s letting himself suffer rather than make others suffer. He’s trying to hold it all in, rather than Eto who pushes all of it out. But, both are unhealthy. Eto wants to destroy the world, Kaneki wants to destroy himself. 
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The result is still destruction regardless. Which is why the way Kaneki and Eto both treat Kanae is so important, they’ve both projected themselves onto Kanae, and want to destroy her because of it. They’re coping mechanisms which are meant to preserve them are instead self destructive. Which means ultimately they’re both terribly unhealthy people. The question of which one is good or bad doesn’t really have anything to do with it. 
Kaneki and Eto’s relationship is so interesting because they’ve both been pushed to the point, where they’ve stopped hoping for things, and just want to destroy everything. It’s just what they choose to destroy is different, Kaneki wants to self destruct, and Eto wants to take the whole world down with her. That’s why I think they should work together to smash everything into tiny little pieces, and maybe kiss a little bit. There’s just something to be said about a relationship that’s built around learning to love the unhealthiest parts of yourself. 
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nutty1005 · 4 years
Text
Xiao Zhan: Learning to Live with Different Opinions
Original Article: https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/kFwWw70e6UvJ75egnRe7BA This article is published by Blogger World 博客天下 Weixin. This is also part of the article published in Blogger World 《博客天下》2020 8th Issue.
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Giving others the space and freedom to voice different opinions is also a form of respect. Accepting criticisms during growth, displaying kindness in adversity.
Eye of the Storm
Acting is a profession, once you become famous, you will be labelled as “a celebrity” and you become a public figure, but in essence, you are still an average person. Just like everyone else during the pandemic period, they still need to stay quarantined at home and consider their daily meals.
“Celebrity” Xiao Zhan, who has a huge fan following, was also at home catching up on the movies on his to-watch list, watching dramas, reading, practicing his culinary skills – his work was no longer as tightly scheduled as before. This was supposed to be a rare relaxation period, but because of the sudden internet controversy, he found himself landed in the midst of public outcry, and this shattered his initial peace.
At first, he was quite confused, although he understood that any public figure would come with some sense of controversy, but when some of the controversy affected his friends and family, he felt that these were unfair to them. This point was something he could not quite understand.
After the passage of time, he slowly calmed down, and he attempted to learn to live with these different opinions. He feels that giving others the space and freedom to voice different opinions is also a form of respect, and he will accept criticisms during growth, and display kindness in adversity.
After a problem appears, the best method is to resolve the problem, and not to create another problem. This problem will obviously inspire fans (of any idol) to reflect on their actions, and consider how to reasonably handle themselves as a fan. At the same time, artists will also consider how to handle their relationships with their fans, and their teams will need to be more precise in their work. Whereas to the general public, when viewing the whole incident rationally, this can be also considered to be a part of creating a healthy internet environment.
Chance
When some people consider Xiao Zhan as one of the core members of the controversial “traffic” celebrities (TN: Traffic is a term that is used in China to describe idols with a lot of fan following), and lambast him for it, it is necessary to view his journey rationally – understand his chance entry into the entertainment business, and his unique qualities that set him apart from the rest.
Born in 1991, Xiao Zhan is almost 30, but he actually had not been famous for more than a year. Before this, like many other youngsters, he went through high school, university and work life, and never thought that he would become an artist. His university was Chongqing Technology and Business University; he majored in graphic design; while schooling he had received titles such was “Advanced Literary Individual” and “Excellent Team Member”, and also participated in the charity poster design competition organized by his university, winning awards “First Standard Award” and “Most Popular Award”; he even started his own studio with his friends. As such, it can be said that he went through a complete university education, and hence he has a certain amount of knowledge literacy.
After graduating in 2014, he worked for almost a year in a design firm. In June of the second year, because he loved singing, he joined a variety show “X-Fire”《燃烧吧少年》, in hopes of being seen by more people. This was not an easy part of his life – he had to learn dancing with zero foundation, stretching, memorizing movements, with great difficulty. Finally, he debuted as a member of the X-NINE X玖少年团 boyband.
That year, he was 25, and this fulfilled the lyrics of a song by Stefanie Sun – “The 25 year old me, there are differences now.” Then, he thought 25 years old was far away, but in the end it was really different.
However, at that point in time, China talent search variety shows did not have the popularity it would have later on, hence he was not popular upon debut – there was a period of dormancy. In the years following that, he switched paths to become an actor, and participated in web dramas, television dramas, as well as a minor role in the movie “Monster Hunt” 《捉妖记》, totaling a number of 7 to 8 shows. Because he did not come from an acting background, he felt inferior to his partners, who graduated from acting schools, during the shoots. During this period of time, he also doubted his decisions, and wondered if he had a future.
Later on, in the interview with Ren Min Wang 人民网 “Friendly Chat” 《友聊》 he said, “If initially I knew that I would later on go through so much things, I might retreat.” This is actually very similar with the encounters of many other actors, from low to high, from silent to outstanding, experience, works and reputation all have to go through an accumulation process.
At that time, he already had fans, although not too many. In his Weibo, he once had a post that was meant to communicate with his fans, named “Secret Garden”, to tell one another stories, encourage and comfort one another – it was a type of positive interaction.
Fame
The true fame came on the June of 2019. The web drama “The Untamed”, where he starred as the leading actor, aired. This drama came with a fan following from the novel it was based on, and with exquisite production quality, good acting portrayal and performance, this drama became the hottest drama of that year. It scored 7.7 in Douban (TN: Somewhat like China IMDB), which was considered above average in China, and it is worthy as a piece of “work” – although Xiao Zhan said in this interview, “Currently, I don’t think I have any piece of noteworthy work, hence I cherish every opportunity to participate in creative work.”
From this, he obtained a huge reputation, his fan size grew multi-fold, and this objectively created more difficulties for his team working behind him. From a commoner to an artist, and then to a celebrity, based on Xiao Zhan’s behavior, he is careful and cautious. When interviewed by China Youth Papers 《中国青年报》, he said “When I encounter difficulties, I will not give up easily, I will think of ways to resolve it”; “Respect everyone around me, I have to uphold the heart to honor and respect everyone around me.” When interviewed by Guang Ming Times《光明日报》, he hoped “the works that he participated in could transmit some positive values.”
At the end of last year, in CCTV Movie Channel, he also reviewed his legendary experience of 2019, “There are no adjectives to describe my 2019, hence I will say thank you, thank you to all the experiences, to all that I have.” He never talks about what role he is most satisfied with, but only that he could do better, “maybe it could be the next one”. At the same time, he expressed that he will put the focus of his career in 2020 on acting, “to an actor, works are my foundation.” This clearly shows that he is clear about his own acting career.
But evidently, the start of this year was not smooth sailing for him. This internet controversy, as a related party, he received numerous criticisms, whether with good or bad intentions, and how he viewed this whole incident, what psychological process he went through, how a public figure should bear the social responsibility, and what his next steps are…
For this, the aim of this Blogger World interview with Xiao Zhan is to “understand the problem, obtain a common understanding”.
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Understood Some Things
(TN: R = Reporter, XZ = Xiao Zhan)
R: Earlier when the pandemic was at its peak, what were you busy with?
XZ: Quarantine, just like everyone else during the pandemic period. I remember it was during Chinese New Year period, following the news, seeing the medical personnel fighting at the forefront. It was especially touching when you see that they were relentlessly fighting even though they were facing a lack of medical supplies. At that time, I spoke with my staff, thought about wanting to do something, and do what I can. After the discussion to decide what to donate, we started contacting the relevant suitable organizations, communicate on what was needed, etc.
Besides this, I also received invitations to record ID videos to cheer on Wuhan and songs to beat back the pandemic. Because the songs required more professional equipment, hence I remember around the end of January, we went to the recording studio. At that time, the pandemic was at its critical period, to ensure safety, there were very limited staff on site, everyone were wearing masks, everything was strictly disinfected, every staff had to perform multiple roles, but we finished the recording with high efficiency. To me, this was a very special experience. Other then that, I was quarantined at home.
R: When you were at home, how was your daily life? How did you spend the time?
XZ: Actually just like everyone else, watch the news, watch dramas, watch movies, read books and rest. It is also quite inconvenient to order takeouts during quarantine period, hence I also trained my culinary skills. Just right at the time there were charity events to aid the farmers, hence I bought some fruits and farm products.
R: Were you concerned with the daily changes of the pandemic, what did you feel and think about?
XZ: Of course I did, I was following up on the pandemic news everyday, there were many moments that touched me. Previously there was this piece of news, a pair of husband and wife, there were both medical staff at the forefront, recognized each other despite wearing isolation robes and hugged together, that scene of reunion touched me very much. But at the same time, I saw that there were a lot more people who needed assistance, and I also felt personally that what one person can do is very limited, and I did too little.
R: When the internet controversy happened, what were you doing, what was your initial reaction, and what happened after?
XZ: I was quarantined at home at that time, when I first saw it I was extremely surprised, why there were suddenly so much topics, felt a bit confused, and understood it later like everyone else. Actually with regards to controversy, as a public figure, I was willing to bear these controversy, but some of them affected my friends and family, I felt that these were unfair to them. I could not quite understand (why they did this). And that point in time was the most critical period of the pandemic, I did not want my issues to take away too much attention, and bother everyone, hence I did not make much responses. Later on, my friends also gave me advice, and this period gave me more time to ponder over it, I also went out to do voice overs, in preparation for my future jobs, slowly I understood some things, so after a while, I started to slowly calm down.
R: You once said that in order to survive in society, one needs to learn to be complex, do you realize the complexity even more so now? Where there any changes to your life views?
XZ: There is definitely complexity, I do not think this is anything bad. Facing complex situations, we do not have the ability to force any changes, but I feel, as long as we maintain the most initial kindness and purity, work hard to do the best for the things we have decided. I have always upheld these principles, and these are also what I want to do.
R: Do you feel misunderstood? How do you adjust yourself?
XZ: It is still the same phrase from the previous interview, “When serious – work, when confused – read, when alone – think, when upset – sleep.” Actually I think this phrase can be used to aptly describe my condition for the past few months.
R: After a period of time, how do you feel about the controversy now?
XZ: We need to learn to live with different opinions, and also respect everyone’s rights to voice theirs. But this world is like this, there is a balance of energy, there are those who love you, who like you, at the the same time there will be people who hates you, who dislikes you. Giving others the space and freedom to voice different opinions is also a form of respect. Accepting criticisms during growth, displaying kindness in adversity.
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No one likes you for no reason
R: We will talk about your experiences as an artist, when did you realize that you are famous? How did you feel?
XZ: Last summer, after seeing that there were more people who supported and liked me, very thankful and grateful. My father told me since young “no one likes you for no reason”, hence I hope I can live up to everyone’s like.
R: When you first entered the entertainment business, what goal did you hope to attain?
XZ: Actually my thoughts were very simple then, that is work hard to do the best in the competition, and hope to receive more recognition.
R: In being an artist, what did you feel is the most toilsome?
XZ: Every profession has its own toils, I treat my work very seriously, hardship is actually something you cannot avoid. If I really have to say something as toilsome, then it will be how I face the complex environment.
R: Many felt that you became famous overnight, but actually you already participated in several different dramas, how was your condition like then? What desires did you have for the future?
XZ: Actually there were not much difference, previously I just hoped that I always have jobs, have the opportunity to contact better roles, now is just work seriously, act properly, live everyday to the fullest. Continue on the path of an actor.
R: How did you learn performance? Where there any experience that was especially memorable?
XZ: At the start, I had no concept with regards to performance, later on I also took performance classes, with directions from performance teachers. The experience that was especially memorable was during the shooting of “The Wolf”, there was a crying scene on the highlands, a night scene, and it needed to rain, but that time, no matter what I did, I could not cry.
R: What do you think the relationship of front stage and back stage is?
XZ: I feel that front stage and back stage is not a type of relationship, but is the same job. Without the serious work and support of the backstage, the front stage will not be able to become better.
R: The character Wei Wuxian gave you a lot of glory as well as some controversy, how did you view the role?
XZ: I treat every role I have acted in seriously and with deep respect, because their story are all alternate lives that I would never experience. And portraying these characters, I really hoped that we can achieve success mutually, and win the recognition and love from the audience. I am lucky and thankful to have participated in a part of Wei Wuxian’s life, and this role also became an important part of my acting career. Also I am very grateful to the hard work from all the staff as part of this creative work, and gifted this character vitality. All these creative artists gave me the chance, and allowed me as an actor, using my own thoughts and performances, to bring forth the character Wei Wuxian, even more vividly in front of the general audiences.
R: With regards to “work”, how do you define it?
XZ: I feel that a piece of work is not just the result of a person’s hard work, behind it are also everyone’s sacrifices and creation. Currently, I don’t think I have any piece of noteworthy work, hence I cherish every opportunity to participate in creative work, and also treat every job seriously, in the future I will do my best in singing and acting.
R: The journey of fame, how did you establish your confidence, from inexperience to mature?
XZ: It is definitely a slow process. Actually it is just like that lyric in my new song “All traces passed by turned into light spots.” That is when you encounter difficulties, from it you learn and grow, the accumulation of every step, you are always on the path of growing.
R: In facing the exhaustion from work, the disturbances from the outside world, do you feel that fame is a double edged sword? How do you hope to be viewed by the outside world?
XZ: I feel that anything has its pros and cons, I have already learnt to handle it with common sense, I hope that I am still the same initial me, to be able to maintain humility and politeness.
R: Are you afraid of the uncertainty of life? Do you have insecurities?
XZ: Of course I am. Life is made up of a lot of uncertainties, many times I would also feel insecure, but isn’t the unknown life’s greatest challenge? The feeling of “singing as you walk” is great.
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Be yourself, actions speak louder than words
R: You once said in an interview that you do not want to be a perfect person, can you explain what you meant?
XZ: I feel that no one can be perfect, neither can I.
R: Actor, artist and traffic celebrity, what do you think the difference are in these terms?
XZ: Actor is my career, artist and traffic celebrity, to me, are just a label, that is on every public figure. I will do the best for my job, in the future I will be even more serious in my singing, acting, and continue to bear whatever social responsibility I should bear.
R: You once said that communication is very important, now that you are too famous, will this bring about difficulties in communication?
XZ: The changes in my identity definitely brought along some inconveniences, but to my friends, my family and me, the communication has always remained the same. In facing those who like me and support me, I feel that I am communicating with them via my works, hence I will humbly accept all good intent criticisms and corrections on my profession.
R: You did not change your Weibo account after your debut, and also said that that you are very real, and you want to show everyone the real you. To the public who do not understand you, what do you have to say?
XZ: I always said, I am not a perfect person, but that does not prevent me from working hard towards becoming a better person. I am a more direct person, I also wanted to present the real me to everyone, hence I never considered changing my Weibo account, those were all my experiences and memories, the testament to my growth. I will not use youth or commoner as an excuse.
I started using Weibo when I was 19 or 20 years old, when I was still young and a commoner, and I said some very inappropriate words or opinions that are unacceptable now, and it probably did cause trouble or hurt to others. Hence I also wanted to say, after reflecting, to those who were hurt by these opinions, I express my most sincere apologies. If I could use my current experience and sensibleness back then, I would definitely respect everyone’s effort in their work, and will not comment rashly.
R: Your Weibo used to be very lively, full of witty words, you also liked to snatch the top comment on your own posts, and interacted with your fans, but later on, these posts were generally non existent, almost as if your image became flat, how do you feel?
XZ: Just representing myself only, I feel that the image on social media cannot encompass an entire person, that is only an outlet. I am always willing to communicate with everyone, but I am also afraid to bother others, if the effect of bother becomes greater than sharing, that would be something that I very much would not want to see.
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pensivetense · 4 years
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A List Of (Mostly TMA) Fic Recs Sorted By Vibe
Not an exhaustive list by any means, just a few favourites that caught my fancy. I shortened many of the summaries for space.
I’m going to pin this here and update it as I go.
Also, I’m pensivetense on ao3
MELANCHOLY VIBES
for when you want to feel comfortably muted
(sad but not utterly bleak endings here)
Hope, Etc. (Dickenson, et al.) by yellow_caballero
Jonathan Sims, six months after the Unknowing, wakes to find himself without a daemon - without humanity, without a soul. It’s a cursed half-life, but existence as a shell without a heart isn’t so bad: between solving the mystery of a persistent illusion cast over his friends and some light pseudo-cannibalism, a life as a monster is better than no life at all. At least, it would be, if it wasn’t for the fucking Owl.
A freaking. Amazing. Daemon au. Ties the lore of Dust with TMA lore very satisfyingly, but is mostly about Jon navigating what it means to be human, or, in the absence of that, a person, and doesn’t require prior knowledge of His Dark Materials. Cannot recommend highly enough.
after one long season of waiting by nuinuijiaojiao
Annabelle is not used to having nice things. or, Annabelle heads to Upton House, muses a little, and gets some well-deserved rest
I love survivalist Annabelle and also the concept of the Web as kind of a horrible Patron, actually.
i love you. I want us both to eat well. by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse
At the safehouse with Martin, Jon decides it's time to quit statements once and for all. The Eye disagrees. Martin just needs Jon to be okay. It's quite possible that nobody is going to get what they want.
Scottish Safehouse Era, Jon and Martin coping with their respective Entities... really, really good.
the friend by doomcountry
He always greets a new spider when he meets it. It’s instinct, born in childhood, the same way he instinctively counts magpies, or flicks salt over his left shoulder. A little harmless superstition. A bit of politesse.
A great Martin character study with eldritch spider horror included. The imagery regularly haunts me (in a good way).
autumn’s rare gift by bee_bro
Annually, the two meet, renewing the binding ritual where it had all started. The procedure simple: a waltz.
Singlehandedly made me ship Gertrude/Agnes so there’s that. It’s so bittersweet and bee_bro’s writing is, as always, incredibly poetic. (I’d recommend everything they write, actually.)
smile, you’re trending by Goodluckdetective
During an encounter with another Avatar of the Eye, Jon faces his past, Martin takes a turn at playing Kill Bill and Basira has a second look at the monster she’s determined to see. For three people associated with the Eye, they could all use some perspective.
Features an original Eye Avatar character who’s a YouTube personality; she is infuriating and inspired and genuinely frightening and I cannot say enough good things.
Humility by The_Lionheart
have you no idea that you're in deep?/i've dreamt about you nearly every night this week,/how many secrets can you keep?
An OC centric story but don’t let that put you off, it’s amazing. Very heavily focused around Jonah Magnus and the other Avatars as they change through the years. Also, I’d die for the OC.
oh, for one sweet second without the eye series by faedemon
Beholding does not like in the way humans do, but it likes its Archivist all the same.
I’m just so fond of the way this is done stylistically. I have a great weakness for dialogue only/dialogue heavy writing, not to mention all of the wonderful character beats and interplay of humanity/inhumanity for Jon and Melanie.
Rewind by WhyNotFly
It takes eight days of forced confinement for Jon to start hallucinating. [...] It’s Martin, though, that his exhausted brain conjures, because of course it’s Martin. After all this time, of course it’s Martin.
Jon willingly allows himself to be confined rather than hunting for statements, and examines his relationship with Martin.
for a firmament series by supaslim
There is beauty in destruction. There is art in becoming. In which Jon becomes the Archive, and the Archive becomes Jon.
Part two posted this morning and uhhh. Good. Also if you’re here for weird eldritch body horror (I am), this one’s for you.
ONES THAT JUST HURT
for when you want to feel sad
(somewhat bleaker endings here/everyone is NOT okay)
Feste by yellow_caballero
If asked, Martin would say that he became the shadow director of the Magnus Institute by accident. But nobody ever asked, and nobody ever cared, and it was in this way that Martin stopped lying to himself. Or: break free, Martin. All you have to lose are your chains. And your sanity.
Oh, this one totally didn’t go the way I expected it to. A study in isolation. Could go into the category above, as the ending is not bleak, but the tone of the whole is somewhat more depressing than most there.
Ghosts of Love by RavenXavier
Nothing made Martin more grounded in the world than yearning for Jonathan Sims.
Lonely!Martin that really captures a sort of visceral ache. Hurts me and yet I keep rereading.
i do desire (we may be better strangers) by godbewithyouihavedone
For ages, it only knew how to worship, taking human bodies and living off the fear of those who remembered. It never knew love until it became Jonathan Sims. Now it must fight against every instinct to save Martin Blackwood. Archivist Sasha, Not!Jon/Martin, and the worst kind of Fake Dating AU.
Oh, this one just made me sad. The poor not!them, which is something I never thought I’d say.
Apple Of Your Eye by fakeCRfan
In which the Eye is fond of Martin. Perhaps a little too fond for comfort.
Somehow manages to be both sweet and horrifying—the characterisation of the Eye is incredible. ‘The Eye loves Martin’ is a scenario that’s so utterly doomed to failure and yet the writing is packed with so much pathos that I just want them all to be happy. A fantastic use of themes of agency and choice, and the single best use of Beholding as a source of horror I’ve read.
The Last Press by copperbadge
Jon Sims is awake, and has begun preparations for the Rite of the Watcher's Crown. Peter Lukas, who woke him, would be content to rule at his side. Martin is very upset about all of this, and the Lukases aren't thrilled with it either.
I really can’t say anything without spoiling the end and it’s so good. An alternate take on the Watcher’s Crown. Not a pairing that I ever thought would work for me, but this made it work.
watch the blood evaporate by 75hearts
It starts, like so many things in Jon’s life have started, with a nagging itch of curiosity. Jonathan Sims uses his healing abilities throughout s4. Read the tags.
Dear God please read the tags. But this is some high quality pain if it’s for you.
the lighthouse series by low_fi
Peter Lukas is a lighthouse keeper. One evening, he gets a call from a cryptic overseer tasked with monitoring his work.
This is such a vivid and yet subtle story—from the setting to the emotions portrayed, it creeps up on you slowly. The ending was like the gentlest possible gut-punch. The sequel just completed, and yeah, just as wonderful. This one is very much LonelyEyes but I listed it here because it is just exquisitely painful.
SATISFYINGLY HOPEFUL VIBES
for when you want to feel cozy
Clutching Daffodils by Gemi
Martin has always liked the idea of love at first sight. It’s such a romantic idea, the whole thing of it. Seeing someone and instantly feeling that strange, twisting feeling deep inside that every single media likes to obsess over. Of knowing you are in love within the day, petals falling from your mouth and warmth filling your chest as love burrows deep, vines twisting through your lungs. He always liked the idea of it. And then Jonathan Sims starts working at the Magnus Institute.
Somehow manages to be lighter and fluffier than most hanahaki fare, despite the setting. I’ve reread this one a lot.
the least he could do by Prim_the_Amazing
Martin should in fact not pick this man, specifically because of how attracted he is to him. It would be the responsible thing to do. Except he’s already following him. And he’s hungry.
Fluffy vampire au which everyone’s probably already read, but was too good not to mention.
rather interesting by bee_bro
Jonah Magnus realizes that, for some reason, when he comes in contact with weed, Elias Bouchard's consciousness will come into his life banging pots and pans.
Oh boy. So these are all favourite fics but this one is a favourite amongst favourites. The way Jonah is characterised (i.e. incredibly sensitive to scrutiny) is my favourite depiction of him, and the slow-burn between him and Elias is far sweeter than it has any right to be. Also, it’s hilarious.
The Magnus Records series by ErinsWorks
In a world parallel to that of the Archives and the Institute, a supernatural sanctuary stands against a cruel and uncaring world: A world of bureaucracy and tyranny, of murder and carnage, of loneliness and surveillence, of plague and death. But in this world of fear and misery, 14 entities born of the hopes of the world have emerged. And one of them has made their home here, at The Magnus Sanctuary. Perhaps, the employees within may lead happier lives than their counterparts did in the Archives.
This is just so goddamn pure. The author writes a really imaginative, fleshed-out alternate world and alternate Entities with engaging, well-written short statements. All of the character voices are absolutely on point, and it’s overall absurdly hopeful without ever feeling overly saccharine. I love this series so much, you guys, you don’t even know. I want to print it out and paste it on my wall. I love it.
HARD APOCALYPSE
for when you want to feel dark and angsty (and eldritch)
Most of these are shorts/oneshots because it’s just that kind of genre, y’know?
Ashes to Ashes by marrowbones
A conversation at the end of the world.
Oliver Banks is one of those minor characters that I am overly attached to. Love him here.
Employee Benefits by equals_eleven_thirds
The Magnus Institute offered some normal employee benefits: a pension plan, holidays, travel subsidies, free lunch on the last Friday of each month. Rosie makes it work.
This manages to hit that perfect sweet spot of satisfying and hilarious. Rosie gets to torment Elias, as she well deserves.
a rose by any other name by Duck_Life
Part of Jon blooms in Jared Hopworth’s garden.
This one was sad and honestly too gentle to really belong in this category, but I love it.
Eye to Eye by Dribbledscribbles
In which Jonah Magnus attempts a post-apocalyptic pep talk.
Unreliable narrator at its finest, and the implications are suitably horrific.
commensalis by doomcountry
The tower is endlessly, impossibly tall, but Jon’s work is taller.
If you’re here for the eldritch imagery, then this has some of the best.
SOFT APOCALYPSE
for when you want to feel gently triumphant
apocalypse how series by sunshine_states
Humanity adjusts. The Entities have Regrets.
Some nice vignettes set in a kinder apocalypse.
ceylon series by Sciosa
The one in which Jonathan Sims decides that no, actually, he isn't going to let the world just end.
I include this only for the sake on completeness, as everyone has no doubt already read it.
rituals by doomcountry
Martin is the first person to knock on the Archivist's door since it arrived, fully, into its little waiting temple. The Archivist saw him coming from down the hall, but decides to feign interest when the knob turns, and Martin—still a little bit smaller, a little more translucent than before—stands uncertainly just outside the room.
This one’s a little less focused on the world at large and more on JonMartin specifically.
we raise it up by savrenim
Jonathan Sims reads a book and saves the world; although maybe the real salvation is the friends he makes along the way; (although perhaps the world itself and the darkness that exists behind it isn't quite as out to get everyone as it seems).
More ‘soft revolution’ than ‘soft apocalypse’, but has the same vibe. A time travel fix-it. Incomplete but worth it if this is a mood that appeals to you.
Scarred Ground by DictionaryWrites
“You see," Elias said softly, "people always have this idea that only living things can be scarred - and they're right, of course. But a building is a living thing, Martin. And the ground can be scarred, too." "I don't have any scars," Martin said. "Yes, you do," Elias said. "You just need the right light to see them.”
Falls somewhere between ‘Apocalypse’ and ‘Soft Apocalyse’ but I’m putting it here because I feel like it. Also technically a LonelyEyes fic. I found it hard to follow at first but it’s worth sticking with; things will eventually begin to make sense and come together.
LONELYEYES
for when you want to feel lonelyeyes
marrying anguish with one last wish by procrastinatingbookworm
In which Elias isn't Orpheus, and Peter isn't Eurydice, but Elias brings Peter home anyway.
Lives in my head rent free forever. My favourite lonelyeyes fic.
ouroboros by Wildehack
“You know,” Jonah says, a muscle in his calf quivering agreeably where it’s slung over Mordechai’s shoulder, “it’s really quite--fortunate--that I don’t care for you at all.”
Oh, this one hurts in the best possible way. The endless cycle of their relationship, the way it comes full-circle... yeah, good. Actually, no, this one might be my favourite. It’s a tie.
Breaking all the Rules by Thedupshadove
Elias proposes a somewhat...unusual wager.
Soft lonelyeyes? In my recs? It’s more likely than you think. Short, sweet, and... sweet.
Threefold by Sprinkledeath
Peter Lukas breaks three rules.
I’m just a slut for mythology allusions I guess.
Luck Be A Lady Tonight by prodigy
In 2014, Elias Bouchard takes a rare trip outside of his comfort zone. Peter Lukas wastes a bunch of money. You'd be surprised how many things can go wrong for two beings of cosmic power.
I love the sense of the history of them you get while reading this.
love is just a word (the idea seems absurd) by kaneklutz
"Something's wrong. It's stopped hurting" An avatar of the Lonely and an avatar of the Beholding walk into a bar relationship. It was bound to blow up in their faces.
Short, sweet, painful. Excellent exploration of their priorities.
Victor by penguistifical
elias tries something with his powers that he hasn't attempted before
The one where Elias tries to raise the dead. Not incredibly LonelyEyes centric but that’s still the pairing.
Simon Says by penguistifical
“Peter asked me to drop by and have a word with you, and, so, here I am.” Simon chuckles at Elias’s disbelieving stare. “Well, he asked in his own way. He’s not a complicated man, you know. He either comes from your arms looking like a stroked cat that’s been given a dish of cream or looking like he’s been in that toy boat of his out in an unexpected storm. He was far angrier than normal, so I daresay you weren’t cream today.”
I mean personally I’d just go ahead and rec all of penguistifical’s LonelyEyes fics but this is a standout for me.
AROMANTIC AND ASPEC MOODS
for when you want to feel Seen
The Aro Archives series by WhyNotFly
These are all just really really good. From Aro!Peter to two different aro-spec versions of the Scottish Safehouse to a long and beautiful aro hanahaki fic, this series is uniformly wonderful. The two Scottish Safehouse ones (Torn Edges and Murky Water) are my comfort fics.
and now all fear gives way by j_quadrifons
Before he can think it through, he murmurs, "Is that what it feels like? Being in love?" Martin's hand stills in his hair and Jon's stomach drops.
This one just. Wow yeah this is how it be. Another absolute comfort fic of mine.
Sweet As Roses by Prim_the_Amazing
Jon takes Martin by the shoulders, leans up on the tips of his toes, and kisses him.
I’m going to be honest—I didn’t know where to put this one. But it ended up here because the real standout of this fic for me is the portrayal of Sasha, and especially her portrayal as an aro character. So I’m putting it here. Mind the content warnings with this one!
HUMOUR
for when you want to feel delight
The Torment of Sebastian Skinner by Urbenmyth
After the Eye's victory, the statement givers are trapped in their horror stories, living them over and over again. Naturally, this works out better for some then for others.
Premise? Delightful. Execution? Fantastic. I read this one to cheer myself up when I’m sad.
Unlucky by VolxdoSioda
Jon’s dice betray him
Short, sweet DnD au, and the reason I cannot get DM!Elias out of my head now.
Voracious by beetl
A bird hits the window. Jon experiences The Flesh's thrall.
“Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” but make it literal.
The Stupid Endings by Urbenmyth
There are a lot of very deeply thought out and creative AUs on this site. These aren't among them. These ones are how the story could have ended, if Jonny Sims was a dumbass.
These are just uniformly hilarious, I cannot recommend them highly enough.
PODCAST CROSSOVERS
for when you want to make one of those “if I had a nickel for every time...” posts
The Sabbatical by morelikeassassin
Nicholas Waters is in need of an all-knowing eldritch entity beyond the confines of human imagining to help with his latest ritual. He'll have to settle for Jonathan Sims, who happens to have nothing better to do.
Crossover with Archive 81 (s3, specifically). Both fun and bittersweet.
The City And Its Sorrows by cuttooth
“What makes you think your friend is in Eskew?” David asks. He feels he can risk the scrutiny of the city that far. “I read that this is a place people end up when they get lost,” says the man. “This is a place people end up,” David agrees./The Archivist comes to Eskew.
Contemplative piece, and I love the way it presents David’s relationship with Eskew, the way he finds it horrible and hates it and yet belongs to it, is almost proud in the way he shows to to Jon. Great little vignette of two people oppressed by eldritch powers, intersecting.
Hiatus by bibliocratic
My name is Jonathan Sims, and I am in Eskew. (Jon gets lost in a Spiral city. It is not as easy as escaping.)
This one is far more focused on Jon than David, and is honestly more Eskew-weird than Spiral-weird. In the best way. Told in Eskew episode style, and is very good.
Sweet Music by Shella688
Eskew has a music to it, if you know how to listen. The percussion beat of thousands of footsteps, the melody in the squealing of the trains overhead. Today, the music of Eskew comes in the form of nine musicians, playing outside my office. My name is David Ward, and I am in Eskew.
Not TMA, but since a lot of Mechs fans go here—this one’s a Mechs/Eskew crossover. Short and simple, mostly David Ward centric, just a little well-written one shot I had to mention because I enjoyed it but it doesn’t have much traffic. Nice portrayal of the Mechs from an outsider’s perspective, and how genuinely strange and frightening they’d come across (especially if you’re already being haunted by and eldritch city). If you like Eskew-style storytelling, check it out!
NOT TMA
...but good enough that I physically cannot make a recs list without including them. Here!
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Do you like El? I got the impression that you don't really like her. And if you consider Byler as endgame, what kind of ending do you expect for El? Season 2 reminded me that El supposed to die in Season 1. This is immediately felt, since I got the impression that the Duffers simply do not know what to do with her, she had a rather boring story in Season 2. The only thing that added interest to her story was her relationship with Hop. But this is more Hop’s Arc, and El is just an addition to it.
I like El. That is to say, I like the idea of the character. I think she was very well written in Seasons 1 & 2, and she’s been very well acted by Millie Bobby Brown. It was really Season 3 that soured me on her, and that’s more of a criticism of the writing than the character. I’d like to believe that her depiction in Season 3 is intentional, and that they have plans to build on it, but it still remains to be seen. Her story is complex in that her personal journey is overinfluenced by others, and this results in her appearing to not have her own journey. Season 3 can still work with that story, as long as it was meant to demonstrate that she has a ways to go still. 
Basically, El is a tricky character to work with. Her lack of social and emotional development early in life should result in a stunted child who has difficulty adapting to a more normal life. This is what we see in Seasons 1 & 2, and it was handled very well. El had a basic set of personal values that drove her actions: personal survival, protection of her friends, and a desire for freedom. She had little opportunity for growth considering that she went from being raised in the very restrictive lab to spending a year in Hopper’s cabin with little besides him and TV for models of behavior. Her “spying” on Mike isn’t terribly unusual given her isolation and the fact that she bonded with him the most. The possessive behavior, such as knocking Max off her skateboard, is concerning, but not terribly unusual given her upbringing. When she finally reunites with the Party, she makes sure to share a moment with Dustin and Lucas, showing that she missed them as well as Mike. She also checks in on Will while he’s unconscious, so one would think she’d want to get to know him.
Then comes Season 3, and, suddenly, El is fine about being stuck in the cabin so long as Mike is with her. She seems to care little about seeing Dustin or Lucas outside of helping the Party with Dustin’s surprise welcome home. I don’t recall her interacting with Will at all. She also seems to be incredibly dismissive of Hopper, despite their Season 2 arc seeming to be how much they love each other despite each having difficulty adapting to a father/daughter relationship. This would ostensibly be Mike’s influence on her, but it still shows a major compromise of her values, as well as a regression of her Season 2 development. We’re seeing her use Mike as a sort of safety blanket (she literally clings to him when Dustin shows off his gadgets), and she continues to do so until she catches him in a lie. 
I do sometimes wonder if the Duffers painted themselves into a corner with her. She was a very popular character, which I suppose led to them adding her to Season 2. They claimed that they originally intended for her to have truly died in the act of killing the demogorgon. Her power level necessitated keeping her away from the threat for most of Season 2, resulting in the seemingly out of place episode where she goes to see Kali. Any development from that arc is missing in Season 3 aside from a single mention of “bitchin’” by El. She lacks the assertiveness, sense of camaraderie, or even personal style that this episode seemed to impart onto her. Instead, she’s revealed to still be a chameleon of sorts, taking on the qualities and mannerisms of whomever she is currently attached to. She goes from having Mike’s flippant arrogance to Max’s sassy assertiveness. 
This is all something I could live with, and even appreciate, as long as it leads somewhere. I’m begging for Season 3 to all have been a means to hammer home that El is not developing in a healthy fashion. If that ends up being the case, then I will be happy. 
A sense that I dislike El may come out in regards to her powers, though. I have a dislike for super powerful characters who can solve any given problem. Season 3 was heavily reliant on El. Unlike Season 2, El is present at each occasion where her powers are beneficial, and she is subsequently able to win, to one degree or another, each time. It was particularly frustrating during the sauna test. She is shown being overpowered by Billy, which could have been a good occasion to show that El can’t do it alone, as well as her friends not being totally helpless. Instead, they have Mike utterly fail at helping, and El manages to suddenly bounce back and defeat Billy even though she had just failed a moment prior. They may have shown El struggling, increasingly so, but she was still able to win every battle. Seasons 1 & 2 carefully spooned out her powers until their climactic battles, but not Season 3.
I suppose, given that I think Season 3′s over-the-top, in-your-face action was intentional, that they wanted to highlight the overreliance on El, and also show that her powers can’t constantly save the day. They do ultimately have her powers vanish, requiring the rest of the cast to figure things out. Still, it was frustrating to also have her be the only to break Billy away from the Mindflayer’s control. That really should’ve been Max’s role, if anyone’s, and it was just another “El saves the day” moment that grated on me. Yes, she did it without her powers, but only because her powers gave her the knowledge to put it to work. 
I imagine Season 4 will involve her coping with life without powers, which I think will be great. Not only will it serve as a plot necessity to keep her from finding Hopper, but it gives her a chance to be a regular kid. Her biggest character arc, hinted at by Max, is that she needs to discover who she is. While she had some growth in Season 2, limited though it may have been, she regressed in Season 3. She won’t be able to cling to Mike or Max now that she’s moved away. It’s been her tendency to simply emulate others that has held her back. Her being Hopper’s daughter is much a part of her arc as it is his. She doesn’t know how to have a father due to her only previous experience being “Papa.” Her attitude with him in Season 3 wasn’t her learning how to be a typical teenager. Rather, she was emulating Mike, making it a symptom of her larger problems. 
El, ultimately, hasn’t achieved even a rudimentary sense of self, and Mike is partially to blame for it, albeit uninentionally. Anytime El has shown any growth, she’s ultimately reverted in order to be with Mike again. El is better without Mike, and vice versa. They were codependent, unhealthy. Their relationship isn’t necessarily beyond repair, but it would almost require a complete reboot. I think it would be extremely limiting for her story have her end up with Mike when we’ve already seen how bad it’s been for both of them. An ending for El should involve her discovering who she really is outside of Mike’s, or anyone else’s, influence. It should involve El finally being part of a family (be it just Hopper or an integration into the Byers), as well as learning to be part of a larger group of friends instead of attaching herself to one person (as she did with Mike and Max). It had to have been intentional to show her lack of interaction with other characters. Otherwise, it’s just bad writing. The Duffers may have made a risky decision in bringing back a character they originally didn’t plan to, but I choose to believe they did so with at least some idea of what to do with her.
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letterboxd · 3 years
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Truffle Hunter.
As Pig snuffles its way up Letterboxd’s best of 2021 ranks, Mitchell Beaupre hunts down writer-director Michael Sarnoski for a chat about some of the finer creative points of his Nicolas Cage-starring meditation on cookery and grief.
In a time when audiences know too many specific plot details of films months before they’re even released, the idea of a surprise sensation feels like a fleeting memory. Yet that’s exactly how one could describe Pig, the debut feature from director Michael Sarnoski. With minimal pre-release buzz and no flashy festival premiere, Pig is a film whose status has been created through sheer quality alone.
This is a true word-of-mouth smash, hailed by critics as one of the best films of the year, as well as quickly earning itself a high placement on our Top 50 of 2021. Jacob Knight praises the film as “an existential rumination regarding how people find meaning in a mostly meaningless world”, while Muriel declares it “the most unexpectedly wholesome movie I’ve seen in forever”. Not bad for a first feature.
Written by Sarnoski, from a story he developed with co-producer Vanessa Block, Pig opens on Rob (Nicolas Cage), a loner isolated in the woods with his truffle pig. Rob makes his living selling truffles to the eager and ambitious Amir (Alex Wolff), but when two people break into Rob’s home and steal his animal companion, he must do whatever it takes to be reunited with his only friend.
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A rough day deserves a decent vin rouge.
While that setup led many to give Sarnoski’s film the moniker “John Wick with a pig” when the trailer dropped, the story ends up charting a course away from genre thrills and towards something else entirely. Pig is an exploration of grief, loneliness and compassion, featuring one of the finest performances of Nicolas Cage’s illustrious career.
Raised in Milwaukee, Sarnoski and co-producer Block met in college before working together on the documentary short The Testimony, which focused on the largest rape tribunal in the history of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. That film made it onto the shortlist for the 2016 Oscars, putting the two of them on a path that would lead to their breakthrough opportunity with Pig.
Sarnoski spoke with us about the origins of Pig, the long-term impacts of loss in his own life, the joy of hand-cranked pasta and Bruce Springsteen.
Congratulations on the film! How has it felt seeing this outpouring of love coming for your first feature? Michael Sarnoski: It’s been amazing. Everyone who made this movie felt for themselves that it was special, and we all put a lot of care into it. We also knew that it was a risk, a strange film we figured would hit right for some people, but then plenty of others would think it was boring and weird. We’ve been very pleasantly surprised that it’s a small minority of people who feel that way.
What was the seed of the story that would eventually sprout to become Pig? I had this image in my head of an old man in the woods with his truffle pig. There was something sweet and tragic about that. Then I began asking questions about who this guy is and why he’s out there alone in the woods. What’s his backstory? It all evolved from there.
While the first act inhabits that “John Wick with a pig” space that people were perhaps expecting from the trailer, the story then takes a swerve and becomes a somber, thoughtful character study. Could you speak about navigating that unique arc with your storytelling? We never set out to try and subvert that John Wick sort of genre. We knew that we were playing with that lone-cowboy idea of a film and some of those tropes, but we never wanted to poke fun at that or switch people’s expectations in some sense by choosing Nic to star. We never wanted to “surprise” people by making a quiet Nic Cage movie. It was always just about these characters, what this story is, what we’re trying to explore. I think if we had tried to be subversive it would have come off as hokey.
Silence plays a key part in the film, as so much is being said in those spaces between the dialogue and action. How did you want to utilize the impact of saying more with silence? From early on, we always knew it was going to be a very silent film, and that followed all the way through the edit. Some of us wanted that opening to start out the way it’s done in the movie, where it’s totally silent and the music only comes in at the very end, while others were worried that people would get bored with it. The argument against that was that if they’re going to get bored with that, then they’re going to get bored with the rest of the movie. So, we might as well just lean into it, and let them know what it’s going to be.
From there we gauged how we wanted to approach the silence throughout. There’s some beautiful music in the film that Alexis Grapsas and Philip Klein did an incredible job with that allowed us to bring this beauty and splendor into the scenes. But there were also a lot of really quiet moments where we wanted the audience to be focused on the faces of the characters, and really be feeling the space and letting the sounds of the forest, or wherever we were, come across.
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Nicolas Cage, his knife skills, and cinematographer Patrick Scola.
Along with the faces, you focus a lot on hands in the film. Whether it’s in scenes of violence or making food, there’s a real emphasis on what hands are capable of. Where did the inspiration for that come from? Nic was very into the idea of conveying artistry through your hands. He spent a lot of time with local chefs to try and get the vibe of how they moved and how they worked. He was always practicing knife skills in his room. I was constantly waiting for the AD to come up and tell me that we can’t use Nic today because he cut off a finger, but thankfully that never happened. Nic really sold that emphasis on the hands. Those shots could have felt empty if it wasn’t for him. I still am surprised watching some of the little hand choices he made.
I remember there was one shot where we didn’t get it on the day. So, we set it up with his stand-in, and just had him wearing his gloves. We all watched it, and it just wasn’t the same. Nic agreed, and so we reset the entire thing just to get that one shot with his hands in there instead. It was totally worth it. He’s an incredible actor, and it comes through every part of him.
Cage is an actor with an almost otherworldly mythos about him, which allows people to sometimes forget what a tremendous performer he’s always been. What was your experience in building a relationship with him, not just as an actor, but also as a human being? I only have positive things to say. That’s not just a gimmick. From the moment he read the script, he was interested, and he really responded to the character. He was committed to bringing the script to life, and was extremely respectful towards everyone on set. He had no reason to respect me. I’m a first-time director. He could have been a total diva. He could have been whatever he wanted to be, and we still would have paid him and been happy with his performance.
He was very kind, and maybe some of this came from the character, but he was also kind of somber and quiet in general on set. At the same time, he can also be very playful and sweet, even though he was trying to remain in the mood of the character. He set the tone, in a way, for the whole crew. A crew could easily look at a first time director and decide to just slack off and scrape by, because I wouldn’t have even known the difference. The fact that Nic treated me and the material with such respect really trickled down, and was so valuable to the film.
We shot the whole thing in twenty days, so if there had been any weak link with someone not doing their job or not being totally on top of it, we would have been screwed. I credit a lot of that to Nic, and him treating this with an incredible amount of professionalism. I think that’s where a big part of his long career comes from. He’s an incredible actor, but he also takes the art form seriously, treating it as both an artist and as this being his job, knowing that you have to do both in order to get what you need across.
Do you have a favorite Nicolas Cage performance? Other than Pig, of course. There are so many incredible ones. I really love Moonstruck. I saw that a couple of years ago, right before we officially cast him, when I was going through some of his ones that I hadn’t seen. Part of it I think is because I’m half-Italian, and I felt like it was showing me a side of my life that I never realized because my Italian family is on the east coast, and we moved out to Wisconsin when I was very young. I never got to be a part of that kind of thick Italian family, and seeing that on screen gave me a taste of what that would have been like. I loved him in that role. He was the perfect balance of sincere and sentimental, and also over the top when he needed to be.
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Grub’s up.
Speaking of being Italian, Pig gets deep into the transformative power of food, and of the right meal. Has food always been an important part of your life? Definitely. I’ve never worked in restaurants. The closest thing was when I worked at a snack bar at a summer camp, which was very fun and also kind of a nightmare in its own way. I think most of the importance of food for me came from when my grandma lived with us. It was after my dad passed away, when I was a little kid, and she became this sort of old Italian cook in the house who was using food as this language of love and also as a sort of control. It had a lot wrapped up in it, this sense that we’re going to have family dinners to prove that everything is fine.
I think any Italian family is that way, but especially in that situation, having that presence come into the house when I was a kid, it made food quite charged for me. It was both a form of bonding and love, but also that control. That was very important to me. As I got older she taught me how to cook some things, and I became interested in that. I had a lot of friends who were great cooks and taught me how to do different things. I’m not an amazing cook, but I love cooking.
I love that act of making something that’s about to disappear. I think if you can be okay with that, and put a lot of time and care into that, it’s kind of a therapeutic thing to do. Accepting transience is a big part of cooking.
What’s your favorite dish to cook? I would say over the pandemic I really got into making lasagne. I had my grandma’s old hand-crank pasta maker, so I was enjoying making my own pasta and lasagne with that. I don’t know if I could pick one favorite dish, but that is definitely one that contributed quite a bit to putting on the Covid pounds.
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Rob (Cage) and Amir (Alex Wolff) discuss their business relationship.
There’s a scene in the film where Rob and Amir go to a restaurant and Rob has a conversation with the chef there, who used to work for him, about the idea of losing our sense of identity when we give up on our dreams in order to fill this role that society expects of us. Is that something that you personally connected with? Yeah, people ask me a lot about what I think of the high-end cuisine world, and I have to say that I wasn’t trying to solely express that this world is garbage and phony. I was looking at it as another kind of art form. Any time you have an art form that combines someone’s personal passion with some sort of economy there are going to be conflicts to navigate. Whether you’re a painter, director, writer, whatever, those are going to be things you have to juggle. How true to yourself are you going to stay?
For myself, I’ve definitely found that when I try to focus on doing something that I care about, that’s kind of all I have control over and that’s what I should focus on. Pig was that for me. This isn’t the kind of script that you write where you’re expecting a big payday. It’s this weird movie that for some reason really means something to me.
The scene climaxes with Rob saying the line, “We don’t get a lot of things to really care about”. What about this movie exemplifies the things that you really care about in your life? It’s so many things, and even more things came from going through the process of actually making it and falling in love with Portland. It’s become even more than what it was initially intended to be. I mentioned earlier that my dad passed away when I was a kid, and the most personal aspect of the film for me was exploring that idea of what grief does to us long-term.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve been watching how my family members changed the way they interact with the world and built their perception of the world around some aspect of grief. It’s not those immediate effects of shock or sadness. It’s how those things ingrain into your worldview. I became much more conscious of how I was doing that in my own life. That was the deepest, most general thing that I was bringing to it, and that I was exploring personally through the film.
As far as specific things that I care about, I think I have all the classic things. I care about my family, and my friends. I care about the world, which is why this year has been so devastating. I don’t have one single pig. I think we all have a few different pigs in our lives.
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Director Michael Sarnoski on the set of ‘Pig’.
Another scene that really stands out is the one in which Rob returns to his old home and sits with this young boy, having a conversation about a persimmon tree that used to be there. Talk to me about the significance of that moment for Rob. One of the things I love about that scene is that it seems so simple, kind of quiet and basic, but it’s getting into a lot of different things. I will say one thing about that scene. That was the first scene that we shot on the first day of filming. That kid was great, but filming with a child on your first day of your first feature was very much a moment of wondering what I had gotten myself into.
That scene does a few things. I won’t get into spoiler territory, but for starters he’s going back to his old house, so it’s his first attempt to really look at his past in the face, and to acknowledge that. I like that in that moment this is also one of the first times that we hear him speak romantically of food, because those things are very tethered to each other.
We get both the sense that there was a past, a personal path that he left behind, but intricately involved in that was how he interacted with food and his art. It’s the first time that we hear him acknowledge who he was in a way that’s okay. He tells the kid his name, and he’s acknowledging his identity that he’s been trying to hide from or ignore. Through doing that, it’s engaging with his passions and how that tethers everything together. I also thought it was cute explaining what persimmons were to a little kid.
I’ve got to ask you about the use of Bruce Springsteen’s ‘I’m On Fire’ in a very meaningful moment. What made that the perfect song choice for that scene? Obviously, who’s singing it is very meaningful. I liked that song, though, because it’s different from the sappy direction we could have gone with that moment. There’s something very passionate about ‘I’m On Fire’, of course, and it’s a pretty sexual song. It’s really charged, but it also has this kind of ethereal quality to it that’s seductive in a non-sexual way. It washes over you, and it feels very mystical. This sounds so “film talk”-y, but I liked that meeting of that transcendent, abstract feeling with that immediate sense of passion and love and obsession.
Finally, what’s the film that made you want to become a filmmaker? Probably Sam Raimi, his first Spider-Man movie. That was the first time I realized what directors do. I had a very strong association with Spider-Man growing up as a comic-book fan, and I was seeing how someone was filtering their own understanding of this character. Raimi coming from his horror background and being into the nitty gritty filmmaking with practical effects and everything, I got this understanding of how a director touches a film and shapes it.
Related content
Steve’s list of pigs in film
Melissa’s list of films featuring food, chefs, bakers, restaurants, cooking, hospitality, hotels, wineries, grocers
Rachel West discovers Nicolas Cage is her most-watched actor of all time
Letterboxd’s Official Top 50 of 2021—Jack Moulton’s list
Follow Mitchell on Letterboxd
‘Pig’ is currently in US cinemas via NEON, and available to buy/rent on digital.
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inestors-scene · 3 years
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EV Battery Technologies
PUBLIC PROFILE
INFO:
Status: Active
Industry: Battery Technologies
Symbol: CSE:ACDC
EV Battery Technologies is a leading Blockchain and Battery technology company with revolutionary, patented Battery Management Systems (BMS)
Market OverviewThe Supply Cannot Meet the Demand for Batteries Powering EVs and Renewable Energy…But This Game-Changing Company May Be as Well-Positioned as Any
A Deloitte report states that total EV sales are expected to grow from approximately 2.5 million in 2020 to around 11.2 million in 2025, then reach about 31.1 million by 2030. Another projection from BNEF expects passenger EV sales to rise to 56 million vehicles by 2040.
But without a sufficient supply of minerals such as lithium and quality technology to produce enough high-quality, long-lasting, and eco-friendly batteries, the potentially $3 trillion EV market could all but grind to a halt.
The Top Reasons to Consider Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies (CNSX: ACDC)
1.  A Deloitte report states that total EV sales are expected to grow from approximately 2.5 million in 2020 to around 11.2 million in 2025, then reach about 31.1 million by 2030. Another projection from BNEF expects EV sales to grow to 56 million vehicles by 2040.
2.  Without a sufficient supply of minerals such as lithium and quality technology to produce enough high-quality, long-lasting, and eco-friendly batteries, the potentially $3 trillion EV market could all but grind to a halt.  
3.  Energy Storage Capacity in the US is expected to grow 12x by 2024 to a market value of $5.3 billion. In developed countries, by 2024, the market could grow 40x.
4.  The Battery Management System Market could potentially be worth $12.6 Billion by 2024.
5.  Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies is well-positioned to meet this growing demand through an AI-based patented battery management system, real-time monitoring, eco-friendly ecosystem, and cutting edge storage system.
6.  A strategic partnership with an industry leader sets Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies up for a potentially robust 2021 and beyond.
With all of the tailwinds indicating robust growth potential for the EV market, interest appears to have increased for companies such as Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies (CNSX: ACDC).
As Tesla is set to officially join arguably the most prestigious large-cap stock index in the world (S&P 500) after markets close on December 18th, this is only one sign of the surging demand for electric vehicles. While Tesla is now the most valuable automaker in the world and will be the 7th largest company on the S&P 500 from day 1, more and more EV companies are going public, while established automakers adopt EV models. With governments promoting the adoption of EVs, as state pension funds and national pension funds divest from oil and fossil fuels, it is no wonder that EV sales are forecasted to balloon.
However, without a sufficient supply of minerals such as lithium and quality technology to produce enough high-quality, long-lasting, and eco-friendly batteries, the potentially $3 trillion EV market could all but grind to a halt.  
According to research from BloombergNEF, lithium demand could increase by approximately 9x. Additionally, Energy Storage Capacity in the US is expected to grow 12x by 2024 to a market value of $5.3 billion while the market could grow 40x over the same period in developed countries. Specifically, the Battery Management System Market could potentially be worth $12.6 Billion by 2024.
The problem in 2020 though, is that the current tech for lithium-ion batteries is not sufficient enough to keep up with demand.
Why is this tech not sufficient enough to keep up with the demand? Batteries, first and foremost, require expensive lab-based testing to effectively diagnose issues. Furthermore, because testing is so long, expensive, and inefficient, overpriced/costly replacements are unfortunately the normal solution. Additionally, because used batteries are terrible for the environment, what is the point of moving on from “dirtier energy” if the supposed “cleaner energy” EVs are no better for climate change? Lastly, EV battery warranties cover 8 years and can cost companies millions.
Because of this, the market has shifted its focus to better and longer-lasting batteries. Additionally, batteries that are more technologically advanced, eco-friendly, and efficient, are desired by EV automakers and consumers alike.
This is where Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies comes into play.
How Can Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies Solve These Problems?
Major technological advancements are required to meet the ever-growing and evolving demands for EV batteries. Through an AI-based patented battery management system, real-time monitoring, an eco-friendly ecosystem, and cutting edge storage system, Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies is well-positioned to meet these growing needs and demands. All with the end goals of accomplishing the following:
More efficient batteries
A recycling system for batteries
Larger storage of energy
Longer battery life
Better monitoring systems
Faster and more efficient charging
Better maintenance systems
Revolutionary AI-based Patented Battery Management System
What sets up Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies for success is the fact that it is using artificial intelligence to create a one-of-a-kind, proprietary, and patented battery management system (BMS). Through AI, the company is applying over 5-years of data from hundreds of thousands of EVs in the world’s largest markets. With this AI, the company has created a BMS that “learns” and improves in real-time and one that is fully scalable to any BMS application.
This system first and foremost aids batteries in having a longer life span through real-time power routing options to avoid and minimize damage. The system also excludes and isolates individual damaged cells, and re-routes to exclude the bad cells with a notice for routine maintenance to repair or replace.
Additionally, the system promotes more efficient battery usage through absolute differentiation of individual cell issues in real-time, constant power optimization and flow control, and life extension, charge extension, and massive cost savings.
Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies’ battery system also has a patented more accurate and reliable method of predicting failure, real-time monitoring, observance, and maintained oversight of batteries, and industry-first remote maintenance protected by multiple patents.
The Company’s Real-Time Monitoring Could be Game-Changing
One of the biggest benefits of Extreme Vehicle’s cutting-edge BMS is its real-time monitoring capabilities.
The company’s system allows real-time monitoring on top of an advanced review of individual cell degradation. The system then applies AI to the data collected to improve technology. With this real-time monitoring, it also allows for less downtime, more efficiency, instant notification of issues, remote repair of hardware and software, and better usage of both maintenance and human expenses.
To sum it all up? Even greater intelligence can be built over time while giving batteries increased longevity- one of the biggest pain points of today’s battery market.
Ev Battery Technologies isn’t Just Talking About Being Eco-Friendly- They Practice What They Preach
Extreme Vehicle Battery Tech uses exclusively used and recycled batteries in all of their solutions. This is especially crucial for the growth of the EV market. EV consumers want to help reduce carbon emissions and combat climate change- this is indisputable. But for that to truly be accomplished, it is very important to effectively use and recycle used batteries. Used batteries are terrible for the environment- so then what is the point of moving on from “dirtier energy” if the supposed “cleaner energy” EVs are no better for climate change?
The e-waste situation is only getting worse too- despite the general public becoming more environmentally conscious. The amount of e-waste generated is expected to exceed 50 million tons by 2020, with annual growth between 4% and 5%. But if you think this is bad now, wait until 2050 when it’s expected to more than double to around 111 million tons. To show how truly dire this is, in 120 countries, annual e-waste EXCEEDS their annual GDPs, while only 20% of e-waste is recycled worldwide.
Through its eco-friendly usage of used batteries, Extreme Vehicle Battery Tech comes is solving yet another crucial problem.
Smart Energy Storage Systems and Metadata, and Charging Stations Also Give Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies an Edge
With its smart energy storage systems, the company is perfectly positioned to aid in renewable energy, buildings, back up systems, and remote industrial operations. However, what might be arguably even more exciting is its metadata capabilities.
Metadata is a multi-billion dollar market, and could quietly become the most valuable aspect of the business. With each client, with each battery, and with each solution, Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies gathers metadata in real-time. This metadata combined with AI increases the efficiency and performance of its operations, and also assists with future battery design.
Lastly, as the global electric vehicle charging station market size is expected to surpass over $39.2 billion by the end of 2027 and witness a CAGR of 40.7%, Extreme Vehicle Battery’s offering is arguably the perfect solution for the perfect time.
Its Strategic Partnership With Rich Power Also Sets it Up for Success
Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies recently formed a strategic partnership with Rich Power. Rich Power is a global leader in BMS and ESS technology and innovation. With this partnership, Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies now has access to full facility automation production and research with an IS9001/TS16949 quality management system. Additionally, between the two companies, there are 70 + patents and software copyrights including 7 authorized invention patents. There are also more than 20 utility model authorizations, and more than 10 software copyrights directly related to BMS and ESS.
Key Takeaways for Investors
Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies couldn’t be operating at a better time. Although numerous tailwinds are indicating robust growth potential for the EV market, there are significant headwinds regarding the industry’s scalability, and ability to meet supply with demand. This is where Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies comes into play.
Extreme Vehicle Battery Technologies solves the problem of having enough high-quality, long-lasting batteries. It also solves the problem of making an eco-friendly business as eco-friendly as it possibly can. It also uses unique, proprietary, and cutting edge technology to oversee and operate as impressive and revolutionary a BMS as there is on the market. Most important, this is a company that with a key strategic partnership, can truly scale with the EV market, and eventually become a vital player to not only the growth of the industry but the survival of the industry as well.  
https://investorsscene.com/ev-battery-technologies/
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Innocence Lost || Michael Gray x reader
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⤠ MASTERLIST⤟
Anon requested: “ 2 & 7 from the prompt list. Perhaps for Michael? Don’t worry prompts just are tough since you can’t read anyone’s mind but you’ll come around. Every idea is different. I’ve been writing fan work for about six years and I still suck at prompts.” (Love you so much, thank you for your support, I’m so sorry for being late, hope you don’t hate me) Summary: n.2 & 7 from my prompt list: "He’s driving me crazy” +  “It hurts so bad I can’t breathe”
Warnings: angst, swearing, virgin reader, a little smut
Author’s notes:
First of all, this is awfully long [3967 words], but I really loved writing it, my favourite piece so far, thank you so much for requesting!
Paragraphs written in italics are flashbacks.
I’m sorry for being this late, but I’ve been really busy in the past days and I spent a whole holiday without Wi-fi, moreover, writing is never just easy, it demands concentration and effort, plus I don’t want you to be disappointed, so I’m always extra accurate while working. I hope this is worth the wait!
Let me know what you think and tell me if this is what you expected  ♡
I’m Italian, English isn’t my first language, so I apologize for every possible mistake I made. Also please, help me improve my writing by telling me if there’s something wrong
ENJOY!
“Y/n, please, you can’t keep this up, you need to eat” For the umpteenth time in a row, your best friend’s voice reached your ears from behind the locked door of your room, but, again, you just ignored her and the loud thuds produced by her small fists colliding with the dark wood, your watery eyes remained fixed on the window facing your messy bed, as your attention was totally reduced to the meagre sun rays feebly filtering from the curtains. Your mind somehow managed to isolate itself from the surrounding world, until those deafening screams and noises waned in your numb eardrums and your empty y/e/c irises disappeared behind your heavy eyelids, covered in evident violet veins alarmingly in relief under your deathly pale skin.
Once more, you inexorably drowned in your haunting memories leading your already faint breath to break, while a muffled sigh slightly escaped your bluish lips in desperate need of hydration. In a matter of seconds you fell in a fugue state, still far from sleeping, yet just as far from being awake, and then you saw him again: his piercing green eyes, the sharp features of his wonderful face, his soft lips always contracted in a harsh line; you perfectly remembered every single inch of his glorious figure, to the point that the illusive vision evoked by your exhausted brain looked so real, that you thought to be able to finally touch him, as your hand instinctively lifted from the mattress, agonizingly digging in the stale air, but never coming near to graze the actual object of its fondest desires.
Before you could at least try to avoid it, you found yourself retracing the course of your relationship with Michael for the millionth time, an acute wave of pain spread through your chest, stealing another excruciating moan from your throat.
The familiar ring of the small bell, specifically hung above the door, reverberated in the room, announcing the presence of another person in your mother’s shop.
You raised your head, already smiling at your new customer, and looked in the direction of the entrance, more than ready to help whoever it was find the perfect material for the making of a high-quality suit, still, when you realized who actually walked in your store, your heart skipped a beat and you felt cold drops instantly forming on your forehead.
“Good morning, sir, h-how can I help you?” With a courage you never knew you had, you almost stuttered those words, incapable of taking your eyes off the magnetic ones of none other than Michael Gray; your blood froze on the spot, your mother had always begged you to keep yourself out of the way of the infamous Peaky Blinders, she’d always said they were dangerous people and no good would’ve ever come from getting involved with them in any way, and that terrifying awareness had you panic even more under his penetrating stare, while you kept hearing your mum’s apprehensive tone echoing inside your mind.
“Miss? Is everything alright?”
Only when that unbelievably deep voice rocked the air around your body, you understood you must’ve got lost in your thunderous thoughts, probably looking like a complete fool, so with a simple toss of your head you eventually forced yourself to put aside your fear and smile once more, even though you just wanted to run away from that uncomfortable situation. “Yeah, I’m perfectly fine, thank you. Please, tell me what you need and I’ll do my best to make you leave satisfied” Those words frenetically tumbled out of your mouth as your nervous fingers moved a strand of your hair behind your right ear, where you had previously pinned a graceful white and blue orchid, like you used to do every day. You saw an amused grin forming on his face, his vigilant orbs studied your shape, following each movement you made with flaunted audacity. “You want me to leave that bad?” The earlier trickle of concern in his tone was now replaced by pure irony, and you felt your cheeks wildly burn realizing how wrong that choice of words was.
“Oh my God, no! That’s not what I meant, I-i was... I was-” The young man’s crystal laugh interrupted your humiliating rambling, causing your flushed face to turn literally purple with embarrassment, suddenly the tip of your shoes became the most interesting thing in the world for you, until a solid hand gently gripped your chin, guiding you to lift your gaze, before it left your skin and cautiously reached for the flower held amidst your locks. “Hey, it’s okay, I was just joking” a tender smile still decorated his lips while he toyed with the delicate blossom between his fingers, examining it like it was something he had never seen before “Why do you wear this in your hair?”
Your nose automatically scrunched up at that silly question and you glanced at him almost in disbelief. In the space of a moment your wild heartbeat regularized, suddenly he din’t look like a dangerous gangster anymore, in your eyes, for that brief instant, he became just a weird boy in your workshop. 
“I like flowers” Michael chuckled in amusement again because of your disarming naivety, and his attitude seriously started to get on your nerves, he was pissing you off with his impertinence, plus you didn’t understand what he was laughing at. “Explain to me what's so funny, so I can laugh too” When you comprehended how your tone came out a bit grumpier than you expected, your eyes went wide with dread since you immediately remembered who you were speaking to. Still, nothing bad happened; he simply tried to stop giggling in your face as both his hands raised in a gesture of surrender.
“No need to get all worked up, honey, I only think you’re cute”
Pure shock contaminated your features due to those words, your cheeks heated again in distress, yet he didn’t move an inch, continuing to look at you from beneath his full lashes; there was something indecipherable in his gaze, something that made your stomach flinch with an unknown feeling. “You what?” Your voice rose of a few octaves, making you sound like a complete psycho, Michael, on the other hand, simply ignored your hysteric question and took up his absurd speech. “Would you have dinner with me tonight, miss?” Your trembling body unconsciously curled up on your left side, while your pupils berserkly moved under your closed eyelids and your mind kept reliving those bittersweet flashbacks. Actually, that day you had gently declined his first invite, under the pretext of not knowing him well enough, “you don’t even know my name, sir”, you had said, hoping to dissuade him from that odd whim; too bad for you, Michael Gray always knew exactly what he desired and rarely changed his mind nor gave up, especially when it came to intriguing challenges like you were. In fact, after your first encounter, he began to come to the store at least three times each week, on the pretence of ordering all sorts of rich fabrics for he needed new suits, and every morning he made sure that a bouquet of fresh white and blue orchids was dropped off your workplace. With the passing of days, no matter how hard you had tried not to, you fatally started to enjoy his company: he made you laugh like no one else did, and he was so kind and caring, that you soon forgot about his bad reputation, on the contrary, you could hardly believe that he was some vile criminal, since around you he just behaved like a normal boy, full of life and hopes. Eventually, he managed to persuade you to go out with him three weeks later, and after your first date, many and many others came, until one night he took you dancing in a lovely place down town. Needless to say, Michael was an absolute disaster on the dance floor, still he was there with you and kept making a fool of himself only to see you have fun; you perceived it in his stunning eyes, how happy he was from just knowing that you wanted to be right there and then, with him and him alone. And when he first kissed you, that same night in the middle of the ballroom, pulling you closer to his chest after a clumsy pirouette, in that exact moment, you knew, beyond any doubt, you had hopelessly fallen for that man. The mere thought of all those cheerful times brought an involuntary smirk on your face consumed by sorrow, but it was quickly overshadowed by your last memory together, which was for you both the most painful and blissful memory of all. The small lights, emanated from the fireflies Michael had caught for you, literally enchanted you, it was unbelievable how the simplest things could be so dazzling. A few days earlier, he had told you about his previous life, when he was nothing more than an ordinary farmboy with a normal family and a special talent for the mathematics, he had told you about how he loved to spend time with his little brother, playing ball among those endless fields or trapping glow-worms in old jam jars. For this reason, he had finally decided to bring you there, because he wanted you to know who he really was, aside from all his money and power, he needed you to love that part of himself too. So you found yourself comfortably sitting on a large towel in the middle of the green English countryside, your back was pressed against his torso and his arms were vigorously wrapped around your waist.
“What’s on your mind?” Your soft voice broke that unearthly silence first, you heard him giggle from above your shoulder before a quick peck was left on your cheek, followed by the tip of his nose tracing an electric path from your jaw to the bottom of your neck. You felt his face sink in your smooth skin as he took a deep breath, inhaling your fruity scent as much as possible, then a long wet kiss at the height of your throat inflamed your flesh with no mercy, until his libidinous mouth paused its work, in order to give you the sincere answer you were waiting for. “I want to make love to you”
In a single sharp movement you rolled onto your other side, desperately grabbing the edges of the sheets with your hands, almost like that was the only chance you had to keep yourself from falling again into the darkest abysses of your brain, but you couldn’t wake up, that noxious slumber seemed to keep you hostage. Grieving wailings filled the room, and your lungs easily run out of air, when the last lethal recall implacably came.
“So beautiful, so fucking beautiful” Michael groaned, while his dilated pupils greedily drank each drop of your naked shape unsteadily laying under his, he watched in rapture your soft chest frantically raise and lower and your plump lips incapable of holding back uncountable whimpers, due to the lustful stroking of his fingertips inside your core. Your misty gaze never left his, as your foreheads eagerly pressed against each other, he kissed you with unbearable urgency once more, your fingers hungrily entangling his short hair so to keep him close. Yet, when you finally felt his tip rub against your centre, a mindless fear took over you, causing your mouth to abruptly depart from his; your eyes, impregnated with pure dismay, started to ravingly seek the spot where your bodies were about to connect, before Michael lifted your chin with tenderness, driving you to catch his preoccupied stare. “Hey, we don’t have to go further if you’re not feeling like doing it, love” He whispered while making your noses lovingly cress one another, you blinked multiple times in attempt to regain a minimum of lucidity and then placed one of your trembling hands on his cheek. A tremendous amount of chaotic thoughts were wildly dancing in your dizzy head: suddenly, the awareness of the fact that he was involved in nasty affairs struck terror into your heart all over again, moreover, it would’ve been a terrible scandal, if it ever got out that a girl from a good family had slept with someone out of wedlock, especially someone like him. But, more than anything else, you kept wondering how that whole thing was going to end; afterall, you had always heard rumors about him being an absolute womanizer, he seduced only to abandon, that was what everybody said in Birmingham, and you were completely petrified by the idea that he could treat you that way as well. Still, you knew your love for him was strong, and you firmly believed that love was nothing without trust. “I want this, I swear, but...” Embarrassment lead you to look away while pronouncing those last syllables and your voice died in your throat, but, despite that, Michael was able to read you like an open book, so he hurried to cup your face and briefly peck your lips, in order to make you restore your confidence. He wanted you to feel safe in his arms, he wanted you to give yourself to him without any change of heart, since only then you would’ve been truly, completely and utterly his. “Just keep looking at me, okay? It’s me and you, y/n, nothing else matter now. Only me and you” You nodded your head yes, definitely allowing him to go on, and, while you were sinking in the mesmerizing green of his irises, he began to gently thrust into you, always paying attention to all your facial cues. A dull ache soon radiated through your lower abdomen and legs, having you tense up under his weight, as your thighs instinctively tried to shut.  “Relax, babygirl” a shower of small kisses covered your face, his warm tone caressing your ears “I need you to tell me if it gets too much, got it? I’ll stop at any moment”
As soon as you gave him your consent afresh, he entirely drowned inside you at a placid pace, irreversibly taking your innocence; a wrenching whine forcefully rolled down your tongue because of that horrible sensation, inducing Michael to tauten his muscles for a second and then start to pull out right away.
Watching you suffer caused him physical pain, he could actually sense a grievous burden achingly worm its way through his ribs; that’s how he realized he loved you dangerously. “Wait, Michael” Your wavering voice, together with your calves still held around his hips, temporary succeeded in keeping him from breaking that intimate connection, your nails digging in his forearms to prevent you from crying. “Stay with me”  You pleaded again, yet he seemed determined to ignore your prayers, as his head vehemently shook in disapproval and his waist fought your legs’ resistance. “I’m hurting you! I can’t-” Michael was not able to end his sentence for your lips impetuously collided with his, you needed him to stop blaming himself for such a natural thing; sweet caresses enveloped his marked cheekbones in a dire effort to calm his nerves, while you knowingly borrowed his former words. “Please, I want you to make love to me” After that night, without a single word, Michael Gray inexplicably disappeared from your life. A moon passed, yet not once he came to your shop, nor he wrote you a letter in order to explain the reason behind his disgusting behaviour, he just continued to avoid you, always staying away from the places where he knew he would meet you, pretending not to spot you among the crowded streets of the city. It was as if the entire world had fallen on your frail shoulders, you couldn’t quantify the cruel grief tearing your soul apart. “Y/n! Y/n, you have to wake up!” Mary’s screams rudely dragged you back to reality, only then you heard the immoderate sobs and weeps uncontrollably erupting from your throat; you looked up at your best friend, who had somehow managed to pick the lock of your chamber, and you noticed raw terror shining in her orbs, her fists squeezing your arms hard enough to leave a mark. “L-leave me alone” You muttered with hot tears still streaming down your face. Even though you were well conscious of your extreme bad attitude towards her, you couldn’t handle any physical contact in those moments, you only craved loneliness. “No, I fucking won’t! Now, tell me what the hell is going on with you” Her aggressive tone brooked no argument as she showed no signs of letting go of you, at least not until you spat it all out. “I can get no peace, I see him! Every time I close my eyes, I see his damn face, I hear his voice. He’s driving me crazy” You snuggled up, burying your head between your flexed knees, finally allowing your cry to explode altogether.                                                          *****
“Mr. Gray, I’m so sorry, I tried to stop her, but she won’t listen!” From his comfortable armchair, Michael abandoned his work only to glimpse at his assistant with one eyebrow raised in a sceptical expression.  Yet, soon he understood what that poor man was talking about, since Mary furiously broke into his office, bravely sending him eloquent death glares. With his usual arrogance pouring out of every hole, the boy brought a cigarette to his mouth, lighting it in a quick move, before he dropped his secretary a hint so to be left alone with the lady. “I have business, no time to talk” Michael tried his best to sound as unemotional as possible, he kept smoking slowly, savouring every rush of grey smoke, and staring at the girl in front of him with a destabilizing sense of superiority. “You don’t need to talk, you screwed bastard! You just have to listen!” In the blink of an eye, Mary reached for him behind his desk, rabidly gripping his naive shirt collar in order to push him closer to her livid face. She knew perfectly well who she was growling at, he could’ve ruined her at any moment and that was a risky choice, but her dearest friend was going to pieces right beyond her eyes and she had to do something about it. “She’s slowly fading away and there’s nothing anyone can do, ‘cause you fucking destroyed her!” Michael forced himself to bear her gaze, despite the devouring guilt growing inside his stomach. “She at least deserves a bloody logical explanation, so she can finally move on. I swear to God, Michael Gray, if you don’t go there and talk to her, I’ll find a way to fuck up your pathetic life, if it’s the last thing I do”                                                              *****
A light knock on the wooden jamb distracted you from your thoughts again, you simply moaned with annoyance in response, laying on your bed with your back to the open door. “I told you to leave me alone, Mary” You murmured at the limit of your strength, but, half a minute later, you heard someone clear their throat in a very familiar way, and you just couldn’t believe your ears. Without a second thought, your back escaped the control of your mind, hastily leaving the mattress; in the space of a moment, you found yourself standing in front of him. The air around you seemed to freeze on the spot, you stopped breathing, he was there, for the first time after more than a month. Your heart was atrociously split into two: part of you only wanted to throw your arms around his neck and hold him tight, still, your other half hated him for the hell he had deliberately put you through. “Go away.” Your stone-cold remark hit him right in the gut, he looked in horror at the state into which you had fallen, conscious of being the one to blame for all the pain he had caused you; before he could notice, he sensed a salt drop fall from his lashes and directly hit the floor, but he didn’t move, unable to regain control of his paralyzed body. “I said, go away!” This time you couldn’t prevent yourself from hysterically shouting in his face, starting to throw several punches at his chest, both of you were now at the mercy of your own rage. Coming out of his momentary trance, Michael promptly grabbed your wrists, partially interrupting your fierce outburst; feeling the touch of his bare skin on yours inexorably had goosebumps cover every inch of your figure, it was like getting sparked a thousand times in a row, you kept wondering how you were staying on your feet without falling to the ground. “I’m here to talk” That mind-blowing sound filled your ears, causing your craw to painfully close up, he kept his watery irises locked with yours, waiting for you to say something, but your only answer ended up being a forceful shove, which allowed you to free yourself from his grasp. “Talk? Really?!” a bitter laugh left your sternum as you incredulously put your hands through your tousled locks “What exactly did you want to discuss with me? How disgusting you are for mercilessly betraying a person whose only mistake was loving you, eh?” Truth was hard to handle for him, he was aware of what a horrible thing he had done to you, still, he wished he could make you understand he had acted that way for a reason. Michael lowered his gaze in discomfort, until your roaring voice echoed through the walls once more. “Look at me! I want you to see what you’ve done” you took a few steps in his direction, getting riskily close to him, while your mad stare never left his features. “I am shot to pieces because of you” Your index finger roughly hit the middle of his pecs for a brief instant, then you distanced yourself of about three feet, overwhelmed by that terrible mess made of a million contrasting feelings bloodily fighting into your head. “It hurts so bad I can’t breathe” That was nothing more than a whisper, cracking under the weight of your excruciating emotions; for the umpteenth time that day, all the air in your lungs somehow vanished for a few, interminable, seconds, leaving you to tremble before his immovable silhouette. That heartbreaking sight stirred something in Michael, something so strong, that he finally reacted to that unbearable situation. “I fucking did it for you! I did it to protect you from a man like me, y/n! What do I really have to offer you, eh?” Shock took over you while you watched him gesticulate, wildly hitting his own torso multiple times in between his yells. “Blood, death, destruction, that’s what I am. And I can’t drag you down with me, y/n, ‘cause I love you too much to be this selfish!” He fell on his knees, fully depleted by his own sorrow, and he wearily leant his forehead onto your womb, heavy sobbing through the veils of your nightgown. A round minute went by without you exhaling a single sigh, you tried and process what he had just said, swiftly repeating it all to yourself. Eventually, your fingers gently began to caress his hair in attempt to put an end to his loud weeps, never before you had seen him cry, never in a thousand years you had thought that moment would ever come. “I love you too, Michael, and that’s why you can’t decide for me”  Your right hand softly cupped his chin in order to make him look up at your eyes. “You just have to let me stay by your side”
tag list: @namelesslosers, @shadow-of-wonder, @spidey-pal
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Text
Interview with Ralf from 2005 (translated from German)
Read the original German version here: http://www.electroempire.com/index.php?thread/1755-ralf-h%C3%BCtter-kraftwerk-interview-2005/
They’re the most influential German band of all time, for a third of a century they advanced and shaped electronic music like no one else. During that time, they only gave about one hundred interviews worldwide, the living legends are considered to be media-shy. Now Arschmaden-rave-magazin managed to be the first German magazine since 2001 to get an exclusive interview with the Düsseldorf sound pioneers Kraftwerk. Hauke Schlichting was allowed to spend almost an hour on the phone with Ralf Hütter and found out that music gods are also completely normal people sometimes.
Hauke Schlichting: Are there many pre-order of the notebook edition of “Minimum Maximum” already?
Ralf Hütter: I think so. Kraftwerk is not just music, we also create the lyrics, the pictures and the entire visual concept. I’ve been doing that with my partner Florian Schneider since 1970. This notebook edition enables us to put a lot of ideas into effect that we had for a long time. And now that it's finished, it's a liberating moment.
Hauke Schlichting: I once saw you in the audience of a talk by Oskar Sala. I suppose that pioneers like Sala, John Cage and certainly Karlheinz Stockhausen were a source of inspiration for Kraftwerk...
Ralf Hütter: Especially in our living environment in the second half of the sixties. Our friends and we were involved in the art scene. Electronic music was not foreign to us.
Hauke Schlichting: In an old interview from 1976 you said: "The world of sounds is music.” The first thing that came to my mind was whether the members of Kraftwerk listened to and liked music by noise musicians or even industrial music? Is that a similar approach?
Ralf Hütter: I can only speak for myself now, but I definitely see a spiritual kinship there. Definitely.
Hauke Schlichting: You called your music "Industrial Folk Music" once...
Ralf Hütter: Yes, but not with an F. It was about "Industrielle Volksmusik", the English translated it. It was an idea of the electronic Volkswagen. That's a concept. We have always reported on everyday things. "Autobahn", for example, was an attempt to make everyday music.
Hauke Schlichting: Is there any electronic music from - let's say the last 20 years - that inspired you?
Ralf Hütter: Yes, especially this spiritual kinship between the two cities starting with a D.
Hauke Schlichting: Düsseldorf and Detroit!
Ralf Hütter: Right. We know the creative heads of Detroit like Derrick May, Mike Banks and Kevin Saunderson. And that's what we consider to be a real inspiration, alternating, which finds its sound in this language. The dynamic that's in there, like in here. This electric funk or whatever you want to call it, that's a spiritual kinship.
Hauke Schlichting: Were the first Cybotron records of Juan Atkins things that you already noticed back in 1981?
Ralf Hütter: We were also in New York earlier, where the record company took us to some afterhours in non-authorized clubs.
Hauke Schlichting: They already existed back then!?
Ralf Hütter: Yeah, sure, at the end of the seventies. Then we had the experience that Afrika Bambaataa played our song “Metall auf Metall”. I thought, oh, fine, and then more than a quarter of an hour went by and I started wondering, because the song is not that long. Until I realized that he combined it with several record players.
Hauke Schlichting: A live remix with turntables, so to speak...
Ralf Hütter: That must have been in '77.
Hauke Schlichting: Mr Bambaataa is definitely a pioneer as well.
Ralf Hütter: Definitely.
Hauke Schlichting: There are an infinite number of songs nowadays which obviously sampled Kraftwerk. You were once described as "the most sampled artists besides James Brown". Are you annoyed when this happens without being asked?
Ralf Hütter: In the right music it is mental communication. Creative feedback. But if they appear on any “cucumbers” (Translator’s note: Ralf means bad musicians) or purely commercial products, then our publishing house will take action.
Hauke Schlichting: Do you collect your own records? If you want to own all the Kraftwerk records, including all the different pressings, you’d have to collect several thousand.
Ralf Hütter: I think that's materialistic nonsense. It's like collecting beer coastes. That’s totally uninteresting. It's about music, not about some pieces of plastic.
Hauke Schlichting: But they say that you collect old synthesizers.
Ralf Hütter: Our studio has been changing constantly since 1970, there are always new things being wired, installed or programmed. Improved. So often some equipment is put away, first in the warehouse, because you might need them again. At some point they were standing there, nobody wanted them, then they got dusty, then reactivated in the Kling Klang Museum. Ten years later we restored and repaired them all to the latest state of the art. Now we have been asked if we could make them available for an exhibition, but at the moment we can't give them away because they are actually in use. Over the last twenty years, we have transferred all the original Kraftwerk sounds to the digital level. Together with our electrical engineers Fritz Hilpert and Henning Schmitz.
Hauke Schlichting: You used to take a lot of equipment weighing tons with you on tour.
Ralf Hütter: Yes, the Kling Klang Studio is our instrumentarium. It has been like that ever since the first concerts. At that time they were still single instruments or single racks with many cables. Then at some point we assembled them in multi-racks.
Hauke Schlichting: The live equipment was always identical to the studio equipment. Is that still the case now? The things you carry around with you now are much more compact.
Ralf Hütter: Now we play with the virtual Kling Klang Studio with laptops at concerts in real time and mobile. That's why we have been able to travel all over the world since 2002. Today we have complete access to the entire audio-visual show, which also changes a bit from concert to concert. That's what makes it interesting. We no longer have to build it up every day to reach a fixed status, we can work with it live. In the past we were on tour rather reproductively, a lot of things didn't work, that was actually a torture, these concerts back then. That's why we only did one tour, in 1975 ("Autobahn"), then for years almost nothing and in 1981 ("Computerwelt"), when we did another tour, we also used many tapes in addition to my analog sequencer, because our music was actually not playable live at that time.
Hauke Schlichting: The live DVD you’re releasing now gives the illusion that it is the complete recording of one concert. If you take a closer look, you will see that it has been put together from many concerts. Was there no concert that was great from front to back?
Ralf Hütter: We recorded and documented everything. We then selected the recordings based on quality and intensity. That was then put together. That is also our concept of electronic mobility. "Tour de France" should definitely be from Paris, "Autobahn" from Berlin, "Dentaku/calculator" from Tokyo. We had a lot more material available later, but we couldn't put that in. In Santiago de Chile, for example, the audience has the best timing in the world when clapping along. I've never experienced anything that synchronous before.
Hauke Schlichting: When Kraftwerk is in the studio, do you sometimes make music just for fun, just playing around a bit?
Ralf Hütter: We once said that the music composes itself.
Hauke Schlichting: That means constant trying out and jamming around?
Ralf Hütter: That's where we actually come from, we've been doing that since the late sixties. For more than a third of a century we've been walking on the same electronic path. We just try to be open for ideas. They come when you cycle, like “Tour de France”, they come when you drive, like “Autobahn”. Some things also arise from texts, from books, from all kinds of things. We use all mental ideas, we do not work according to one principle. The freedom lies precisely in the fact that all art forms are open to you today. It is a gift that we live in a time where you don't need a large orchestra and where you don't need a nobleman who puts gold ducats at your disposal. Now there is an autonomy that can be realized through the man-machine Kraftwerk.
Hauke Schlichting: Your studio seems a bit like a fortress against the outside world. But you have emphasized several times that you are not isolated at all, that you meet a lot of friends and actually lead a very normal life. But  we know relatively little about that. Does that mean that private life is the super important compensation for an artist's life?
Ralf Hütter: No, we see ourselves as scientists, as music workers. We do our work, we drink a cup of coffee in the morning, on weekends we ride our bikes. We go to clubs because the lively scene of electronic music is important to us. And that's where it takes place. We have been connected to club culture since the sixties.
Hauke Schlichting: Does that mean that you now travel more often or specifically to performances by live artists or DJs?
Ralf Hütter: Mostly that happens when we are on the road. If the travel plan allows it, because otherwise it can happen that you can't concentrate at concerts in the evening due to lack of sleep. Working at the screen, with the mouse, they’re very fine movements. Minimal movements with maximum effect on sound and images. Again a mental reference to this work "minimum-maximum".
Hauke Schlichting: Can you imagine working with other musicians?
Ralf Hütter: We already worked together with different musicians, especially with music engineers. For example with François K, with William Orbit, with Etienne de Crécy, with Orbital, with Underground Resistance.
Hauke Schlichting: The revision of your back catalogue is now finished...
Ralf Hütter: Yes, finally. It is also about clarity and now for the first time everything is as it was intended.
Hauke Schlichting: Can you release more albums in the future that way?
Ralf Hütter: Yes, also because the technical development has changed in our favour. We now have the right tools at our disposal, so we don't have to spend so much time on wiring and installation.
Hauke Schlichting: The teen newspaper Bravo quoted you in 1975 with the sentence: "One day they will imitate our music. Could you have imagined back then that this would really happen?
Ralf Hütter: Yes, we thought so at that time. We played the album to them in my old Volkswagen. We had a big loudspeaker in the back, we didn't have the kind of equipment we have today. And then my friend Florian and I drove on the motorway with our poet and painter friend Emil and Bravo. At the beginning of the seventies our music was mostly only played in special radio programmes, e.g. by Winfried Trenkler. Before "Autobahn", Kraftwerk only existed in this art and student scene. And then live, we come from this live music scene. That we now play electronic music all over the world again is something where the circle closes. Now it takes on the shape we imagined in our imagination at the time.
Hauke Schlichting: Thirty years ago you also said: "In twenty years, in our opinion, there will hardly be any groups with guitars and drums any more. For us these instruments belong to the past already today."
Ralf Hütter: Right.
Hauke Schlichting: But that didn't quite come true.
Ralf Hütter: There are many antiques. But that is still true. There are also still symphony orchestras. In our opinion, the thoughts or essence of the present can only be realized with adequate means.
Hauke Schlichting: You have very few concrete political statements in your music...
Ralf Hütter: Rather socio-political, from our everyday life.
Hauke Schlichting: You only find a concrete one in the new version of "Radioactivity".
Ralf Hütter: Yes, we inserted that because there were endless misunderstandings. We simply wanted to clarify these misunderstandings with one word ("Stop").
Hauke Schlichting: Because of the last album the topic of cycling was once again massively brought into the picture...
Ralf Hütter: I had written this lyrics in 1983 with my French friend Maxime Schmidt. Florian was experimenting with sounds at the same time with his first sampler. This resulted in the album concept "Tour de France". At that time we released only that one single under time pressure and then the ideas fell a bit into oblivion. However, this practically slumbered as a film script in a long version in the studio under the heading unfinished projects. And we just finished that now.
Hauke Schlichting: You have been active as cyclists for a very long time...
Ralf Hütter: Yes, since "Mensch-Maschine". The concept of "man-machine" has brought an awareness, from the pure sound field of music a dynamic physicality man-machine has conclusively emerged. We tried that out and the fascination has remained.
Hauke Schlichting: The unity of man and bicycle is still the man-machine.
Ralf Hütter: That's how it is.
Hauke Schlichting: The man-machine motif has always been a dream of mankind. It already existed with the Greeks, it played a major role with the alchemists, in E.T.A. Hoffmann's "Sandman", in the film "Metropolis" - there are countless examples.
Ralf Hütter: That had become reality for us. There was often the misunderstanding of the machine-man, but we were always concerned with man-machines. We are interactively connected with the machines, that has remained so until today, that is actually a synonym for Kraftwerk.
Hauke Schlichting: Was Kurt Schwitters' "Schmidt-Lied" from 1927 the model for the album "Radioaktivität"?
Ralf Hütter: I've never heard it.
Hauke Schlichting: May I quote from it?
Ralf Hütter: Yes, of course!
Hauke Schlichting: "Und wenn die Welten untergehn, / so bleibt die Welle doch bestehn. / Das Radio erzählt euch allen, / was immer neues vorgefallen. / Und funk ich hier ins Mikrofon, / hört man im Weltall jeden Ton. / Und bis in die Unendlichkeit, / erfährt man jede Neuigkeit. / Wir funken bis zum Untergang / ins Weltall kilometerlang." ("And if the worlds go under, / the wave will still exist. / The radio tells you all, / whatever new happened. / And if I radio here into the microphone, / you can hear every sound in space. / And to infinity, / you'll hear every news. / We'll radio until the end / to space for miles and miles."
Ralf Hütter: A spiritual bond!
Hauke Schlichting: It only remains for me to say that we all hope not to have to wait that long and we are looking forward to new material. You will be turning sixty next year, I hope that Kraftwerk will continue to produce music for a very long time and present it live. But if you've been cycling for 25 or 30 years, like you do, then you should probably be fit.
Ralf Hütter: Yes, we are.
Hauke Schlichting: Wonderful, good luck for the future and thank you very much.
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echodrops · 4 years
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Hshshsnansna seeing that ask got me in a HUGE HaaH mood. Like, I went through and read a bunch of asks, and I'd probably go reread the fic itself if I had time. So!! Is there anything about HaaH you've always wanted to share but never had the chance to? Headcanons, worldbuilding, backstory, hidden details- anything at all??
Oh friend… There is so much. I have a Word document that’s like 17k of JUST headcanons and world-building for this fic kghsdkjhdkfg I’m not crazy, I swear.
It took me a while to respond because I had to comb through and find stuff that wasn’t spoilery, but tada, have some Home and a Half Hunk and Shiro (and Matt) headcanons and backstory under the cut!
Also, as for hidden details… Same as the Garrison professors in the show were named for staff members, Neuhahn and Ania are named after IRL contributors to the Voltron animated series–Chris Neuhahn was a producer and Ania O’Hare was the casting director.
And here are some Hunk, Shiro, and sorta Matt headcanons/backstory that shapes their characters in HaaH. (Please note, these headcanons ignore absolutely everything from about season 6 of the actual show and on. I stopped watching Voltron after Season 6 because I just couldn’t handle the writing anymore. T_T)
Hunk:- He’s mixed ethnically, and although his parents are from Samoa, his family tree actually spans many different countries, mostly in Polynesia, including Tonga, but even places as far away as Malaysia.- His parents were converted to the LDS church by Mormon missionaries in Samoa. A few years before Hunk was born, his parents moved to Utah to be closer to the church, so Hunk has only ever been to Samoa once, on a vacation to visit family.- His first name is actually “Hyrum,” and until he met Lance at a Garrison-sponsored summer astro-camp when they were nine, everyone just called him by his real name.- Lance actually meant to call him “Incredible Hulk” at camp, butttt to nine-year-old Lance’s utter mortification, it came out “Incredible Hunk” instead. “Hunk” stuck.- He has a little sister who is even more sensitive than he is.
- Although Hunk’s parents originally agreed on the plan to move to America, after the family arrived, they experienced difficulty fitting in with the very selective Utah culture, and Hunk’s mother grew disenchanted with the church. Employment was difficult to find in their small, rural town, and Hunk’s parents both struggled with being isolated from their extended families. Tensions over whether or not to remain in America, as well as over money, led to some miserable fights that contributed to Hunk’s aversion to conflict when he was younger.
- Hunk sometimes had to play the role of family peacekeeper, working hard to make sure that his youngest sister wouldn’t notice the strain.
- Nevertheless, despite their share of troubles, the family is extremely close-knit. Hunk values his family and their opinions more than anything in any world.
- Which is how he ended up agreeing to go to Garrison, even when he really just wanted to help his parents kickstart the restaurant they were planning to open. His mother felt that working in a family restaurant, even if Hunk is a great cook, would squander his incredible academic and engineering talent (which Hunk thought of as just a hobby), so she begged him to go and continue his schooling instead. Hunk couldn’t say no to his mother, even if the thought of being shipped off into space terrified the living daylights out of him.
- Hunk doesn’t curse and is somewhat uncomfortable with people cursing, at least in front of him. Although Lance used to have a pretty colorful repertoire, when he learned that cursing made Hunk uncomfortable, he immediately adopted all of Hunk’s weird Utah replacements instead. “Holy crow” and “let’s kick some trash” are things they actually say seriously.
- Hunk is always down to cuddle and is never embarrassed by asking for or giving cuddles to anyone. He would 200% cuddle Shiro if he thought Shiro would let him. (Shiro would, in fact, let him.) Hunk’s favorite person on the team to cuddle is actually Keith, because Keith (who was taught to comply by Garrison scientists with all unexpected/unsolicited touch) will just sit obediently for hours letting Hunk hug out all his stress. Hunk knows that something is off about Keith’s behavior, but his leading theory—that Keith allows the hugs because he’s touch-starved—is unfortunately false.
- Hunk knows the lyrics to every Disney song EVER.
- And he’s like a dog with a bone when it comes to secrets. Once he discovers that someone’s keeping something under wraps, he goes a bit crazy with curiosity and cannot stop thinking about what they might be hiding. The rules of privacy go totally out the window when he gets like this, but time and again, Hunk’s adage that it’s always better to tell the truth bears itself out.
  Shiro (and Matt?):
- Shiro is the only member of his immediate family whose first language was not Japanese. His grandparents on both sides immigrated to the US from Japan due to work transfers relatively late in life, when their own children, Shiro’s parents, were already young adults. As the first family child to be born in America, Shiro’s parents strongly emphasized the need to learn English well, which unfortunately resulted in Shiro being pushed away from learning Japanese when he was young. Even though he’s a capable conversationalist now, he’s struggled his whole life with regret over not learning the language when he was young and could have picked it up easier.  
- There’s a running joke in his family that he’s actually an ogre in disguise, given that he is much taller than many of his other family members. Tradition demands that the first photo of every holiday gathering is a joke group shot in which Shiro’s posed so his entire head is outside the top frame of the picture.
- Shiro was mercilessly bullied as a child because of his height. The other children frequently suggested that he didn’t belong in their grade because he was too big and that the school must held him back multiple times for being dumb. (Shiro was never held back. In fact, he had excellent grades from kindergarten to the day he graduated from Garrison—and no, not because his parents forced him to study; in fact, throughout his schooling, they often ended up having to force Shiro to go to bed already instead.)
- On top of being teased for his looks, Shiro was naturally shy. He barely spoke, even to his teachers, and would stumble miserably if he was put on the spot in class, contributing further to the rumor that he was stupid.
- Shiro loved learning, but he hated everything that happened in school and didn’t have a single real friend outside of his cousins until he went off to middle school and met Matt Holt in sixth grade.
- Barely two weeks into their first middle school year, and it was already obvious that Matt was the school’s biggest nerd; he’d been bumped up two grades because of his obvious genius and was the textbook definition of an alien conspiracy theorist (It’s not a conspiracy if they’re REAL, guys!) But the strange thing was that no one bullied Matt—he was just so quick on the sarcastic (and biochemical) comebacks that teasing him wasn’t even worth it. Instead, the school’s resident assholes took it out on targets a little less likely to corrode their homework with miniature magnesium bombs—read as, they picked on polite, well-meaning Takashi Shirogane instead.
- Out of pity more than anything else, Matt finally stood up for Shiro one day and ran off the assholes. (It was not, as Mrs. Shirogane insists, with a home-made taser. It was not.) After something like that, well… You sort of feel obligated to befriend a guy, don’tcha?
- Becoming friends with Matt Holt transformed Shiro’s life. Even if Shiro wouldn’t originally speak up for himself, he was ferociously proud and supportive of his first real friend, and learning to be bold for Matt taught Shiro the value and meaning of standing up for not only others, but also himself. Being friends with someone as off-the-cuff and tricky as Matt helped Shiro grow more spontaneous, less self-conscious, and ultimately much more confident—even if, to this day, most of that confidence is still focused on helping others, rather than on being self-assured.
- It was Shiro admiration for Matt’s father, Sam Holt, that led Shiro to take his childhood obsession with military history a step further by actually joining the military. Shiro and Matt enrolled in Garrison together, although Matt was part of the research rather than the combat division.
- Matt was the one who convinced Shiro to get his hair styled in an undercut. It was originally just a dare, but Shiro ended up loving it afterward. The “Undercut Incident,” as it has come to be known in the Shirogane family, was the official straw that broke the camel’s back and resulted in Mrs. Shirogane declaring Matt Holt a “bad influence,” the only impact of which was that Matt had to sneak in through Shiro’s bedroom window instead of coming to the front door when he wanted to hang out.  
- Shiro has received two separate Medals of Honor for making dangerous supply deliveries to war-torn countries across the globe, delivering the vital food and medicine that helped save hundreds of lives. He has also been part of several missions to save stranded astronauts from failing international space stations.
- Shiro is actually a giant memelord, but his crushing sense of responsibility keeps him from indulging in quality shitposting in front of anyone he actually knows. He had a ridiculously active secret Vine account before leaving on the Kerberos mission. His snaps are legendary. Deep down, Shiro dreads the inevitable day someone connects him with his cringey social media accounts.
- Literally the worst at adulting. His mom still filled out his tax forms for him and booked his dentist appointments. He has no idea what the hell he’s doing leading Team Voltron when he can’t even remember which of his clothes are machine-washable and which aren’t.
- When they were in their third year at Garrison, Matt conned Shiro into volunteering as a camp counselor for Garrison’s summer astrocamp program, even though Shiro had minimal understanding of how to take care of children and mostly just BS’d his way through, hoping that none of his campers had anything close to a serious issue.
- He won “best camp counselor” the very first year he volunteered. Mostly because Lance cheated and voted for him 23 times, but still.
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stilitana · 4 years
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so i listened to this embarassingly quickly but let’s chalk that up to the self-isolation/working from home and leave it at that
wolf 359 reactions under the cut (spoilers):
firstly, that soundtrack was so good and i’ll be listening to those piano pieces forever
this show demonstrated the eternal power of the agatha christie principle: gather a ragtag cast of characters who’ve all got beef with each other, and trap them in a small space together. cue the instant tension and inevitable weighty revelations.
i adore that amid all the drama/action, there were so many moments when the writers let the narrative breathe a little and just allowed the characters to talk to each other, and play games with one another. the word games were delicious. these were often moments of levity and good character building, but they also all moved relationships forward or revealed something new, so don’t ever let anybody say that having chill little funny moments is useless narrative fluff. these were the best moments.
empty man cometh might be my favorite. am i alone now? and memoria were also just...so good. a lot of the mini-episodes were excellent as well, especially all the character ones. variations on a theme might be my favorite of the shorts.
normally i’m impatient and skip anything i perceive as extraneous to the central narrative, and come back to it later--im so glad i didn’t, the live episode was hilarious. ashamed that i even tried to skip change of mind because i was so impatient to see what was happening, but i felt too bad so not even five minutes into the next ep, i went back and listened to it, and that was the right move...it was so good.
every single character was fantastic. every single one. they were all complex--even the less central characters had at least a moment or two where they struck a different note, showed another side of themselves. kepler was the stand out on this front for me. i didn’t care at all about the si-5 crew when they first came in--i was actually annoyed and expected to hate them all, which is a risk you run when you introduce a bunch of new, influential characters so late in a story. they made it work so well. first i came around to maxwell, then jacobi, and finally (tbh it was his swan song) i was like, okay, kepler was a great character. they made him sympathetic without trying to retcon anything to force me to pity him or think he’d been good all along or anything. cutter and pryce were less human, so their redeeming qualities came more from being interesting. i think the voice acting plays a lot into this--cutter just on paper wouldn’t be half as fun
really impressed with how this same thing played out with lovelace--she went from this sort of mythic, predeceased character, to an antagonist, and finally to being such a central character to the crew that you could hardly imagine them without her. poor writing could have easily made her kind of character unlikable. i think characters like her often get short-changed and written as one-note action hero types who crash in and upend the narrative just to give the plot steam and provide friction. instead, she’s as fully fleshed out as the main characters, and seamlessly becomes one of them.
rip plant monster...i loved you :,(
so, the antagonists were multifaceted, and so were the protags. this could have also easily been sloppy. with eiffel especially, lazy writing would have made the reveal of his backstory super cheap, out of left field, and made you feel like you never knew him at all and leave you unable to reconnect. instead of going the route where the writer for some reason thinks they have to make their plucky protag gritty, the reveal of eiffel’s backstory doesn’t change him at all--and why should it? it’s his backstory--it already happened. instead, it only forces him and minkowski to have conversations they probably needed to have anyway, and fleshes out the reason he’s even there in the first place. on this note, it’s not ultimately his backstory that eiffel has to confront within the story as a major flaw--the backstory was a mistake in the past he’s been dealing with for years by the time we meet him. i love what they chose to do instead so much more: what he had to deal with was his current, present day behavior--how he effortlessly disrespects and belittles the people closest to him without even trying. the key there is, without trying--he has to make a decision to start. (”that’s the thing about you, eiffel--you try. you try really, really hard, and then--you stop trying” that was such a good interaction...god.) i could go on and on about how this was such a satisfying tack to take but i’m trying to cut it down. glib bastards like eiffel are so often a sort of male wish-fulfillment character where they get to say whatever the fuck they want without consequence, be lazy, be careless, and still come out on top, and still seem lovable, because hey, he’s funny. eiffel doesn’t get off that easily, and he’s a much better character for it, and so are all the others, for actually demanding better for themselves, because they know they deserve it, and because they all actually care about each other, so when they confront him, he doesn’t just shrug it off--he tries. (it takes him a minute. but he tries.)
hera broke my heart a million times i love her so much. she had so many complex inner conflicts that weren’t just boiled down to some dumbass bs like “boo hoo am i human.” her personhood is a given for the sorts of conflicts she has, as far as feeling inadequate, feeling unappreciated, like an imposter or a less-valued member of the crew. her and minkowski arguing was excellent and allowed them both a chance to be childish because hey, eiffel shouldn’t have the monopoly on that.
death was a serious thing. human life was highly valued, and its loss was never made light of. not even for antagonists (kepler, hilbert) or, in the most extreme case, pryce, who eiffel chose to make a sacrifice to defeat rather than just kill her, the one principle aside from doing as little work as possible he stood his ground on the entire story. team what’s wrong with handcuffs indeed...i just really loved that the main lead was a pacifist and that this line of thinking held sway in the narrative. it was really refreshing (i don’t think it should be--there’s just a lot of bad writing out there especially when things edge into the action genre) to see this stance on nonviolent conflict resolution wherever possible, because yeah, most people have a really hard time ending another person’s life...no shit. minkowski makes that call and deals with the fallout for the rest of the show--she’s not done dealing with it by the end, it’s going to be something she takes with her. sometimes eiffel’s passivity was depicted as a weakness, but he ultimately did diffuse a lot of situations and gave other characters the space to consider their options. i do think that sometimes the narrative’s insistence on eiffel’s dual pacifism/incompetence shifted the burden of action onto minkowski and lovelace and i’m not sure how i feel about that. i think where i’d have to look is comparing how pryce and cutter are dealt with--yeah, im willing to buy that minkowski wasn’t willing to trade all of her memories so that she wouldn’t have to kill cutter. but was she the one who had to have a body count as a conscious narrative choice, or were we just determined to maintain eiffel’s status as the sort of goofy, “innocent” one? or was that something minkowski was determined to preserve--because that’d be really sad and complicated and say way more about her than it would about him.
dear listeners. i loved everything about the dear listeners. it was everything i ever wanted from aliens trope-wise.
didn’t really get the total significance of surrogates or decima virus. those were the only two things that felt sort of hasty because the stakes suddenly went from “the lives on this space station” to “life on earth as we know it.” but apocalypse averted so whatever, the aliens just want music
i am conflicted about the fucking. amnesia. memory was SO important throughout, and questions of identity and personhood, and this is the only reason that amnesia ending didn’t enrage me. if i think about it more i’m sure there will be a lot to unpack with what’s being implied here
this has gotten REALLY long so im going to stop now and finish mindlessly entering data into excel. in short: i loved it 
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sifeng · 5 years
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Review: Ashes of Love
I’ve watched this show twice and that still doesn’t stop the emotions from getting out. Despite having a rather large fanbase, I really think this show is underrated.
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Plot:
The Flower Deity dies after giving birth to a daughter, Jin Mi. She has a premonition that her daughter will suffer a great love trial, thus before dying, she gives her a magical pill that prevents her from feeling and expressing romantic love. This causes Jin Mi to become the brunt of many jokes when she gets tangled in a love triangle with Fire Immortal Xufeng and the ambitious Night Immortal Runyu.
Cast & Characters:
Yang Zi (杨紫) as Jin Mi (锦觅)
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Deng Lun (邓伦) as Xu Feng (旭凤)
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Luo Yunxi (罗云熙) as Run Yu (润玉)
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Chen Yuqi (陈钰琪) as Liu Ying (鎏英)
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Wang Yifei (王一菲) as Sui He (穗禾)
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Zou Tingwei (邹廷威) as Mu Ci (暮辞)
My Thoughts:
Plot:
The show starts out very light and innocent, as does our protagonist Jin Mi. Everything moves at a rather fast pace, so the show is rarely ever boring. There are only two complaints I have for the plot: 1, Xu Feng and Jin Mi are only ever “together” in like five episodes, and we never get more than a few episodes of the two of them in love and happy without any obstacles; and 2, there were a lot of sub storylines. For example, Liu Ying and Mu Ci took up a lot of time, as did Run Yu and his mother. However, I would say the latter plot was actually very interesting, while the former kind of lagged on, since it always followed the same pattern. My favorite part was probably the human realm, that was so cute and a breath of fresh air from the many politics in the heavenly realm. 
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Acting:
I have very few complaints on this aspect of the show. Everybody acted really well, and really brought their characters to life. Yang Zi, particularly, did very good with Jin Mi. She was able to play the innocent and childish Jin Mi, and yet also persuade us of Jin Mi’s darker side, and her sorrow in loosing her father and Xu Feng. I would say her acting during the later episodes are even better than her acting earlier on, even though the human realm episodes were a highlight.
Deng Lun also did really good as Xu Feng, especially as the Demon Lord, when he was struggling to trust anybody, and didn’t know whether Jin Mi was being real about her confessions of love. His sorrow and hatred as the Demon Lord was brought out wonderfully. His love-rival, Luo Yunxi as Run Yu also did very good. Especially in the arc in which he found out about Su Li, and then lost her due to schemes by the Heavenly Empress. 
Shoutout to Wang Yifei as Sui He. She did really good, and I honestly think people weren’t really acknowledging this since she’s supposed to be the like the “mega-villain”. Her acting during the Demon Realm wedding was very good, and you could just see the love disappear from her eyes when Xu Feng said he loved Jin Mi. 
Obviously my fav Chen Yuqi did very good as Liu Ying, especially in the scene where Mu Ci died, that was pretty depressing and she brought out the type of sadness in which you almost don’t believe it. Zou Tingwei’s Mu Ci didn’t really get a lot of scenes, and I wasn’t particularly impressed by him. I also wasn’t that impressed by veteran actress Kathy Chow, since she always made the same expression as the Heavenly Empress. But I guess she did good enough since I really hated the role.
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I also really have to applaud the chemistry between Yang Zi and Deng Lun. Man, those two really tugged at my heartstrings. Also, their real-life friendship and chemistry off-screen is so heartwarming!
Characters:
Alright, some of these characters I didn’t love so much. First off, Jin Mi could be really idiotic sometimes, like to a point where it didn’t even make sense. However, I do like how she is very kind (usually), and was willing to [spoiler] sacrifice herself for peace between the two realms.
Xu Feng was definitely one of the more likable characters, Deng Lun is really charismatic honestly and even though Xu Feng was kind of a boastful brat who was used to getting things his way in the beginning, you never got annoyed at him. Also his love for Jin Mi, which never quavers, really made his character. He really didn’t deserve all the things that happened to him...
I really liked badass Liu Ying too. Especially when she was willing to fight Xu Feng in one of the earlier episodes. Jin Mi is kind of weak, until she officially becomes an immortal, but Liu Ying is strong, and independent, she doesn’t need protection. I really liked that, and her straightforward attitude. Also her friendship with Xu Feng was nice, I’m glad she wasn’t one of those basic second leads. And even though Sui He was one of those basic second leads in ways, her undying love for Xu Feng was also a redeemable quality. Sure, she did a lot of bad things, but the Heavenly Empress was really just using Sui He as a puppet. Okay, that doesn’t make Sui He a good person, but she really didn’t deserve that ending. After all, sure she killed Jin Mi’s mother and father because of love and her devotion to the Heavenly Empress, but Jin Mi killed Xu Feng (the person who loved her the most in the entire six realms) because she wasn’t thinking. 
A lot of people really loved Run Yu, but I’m not part of his fan club. He was so possessive over Jin Mi, to a point where it didn't matter of she was happy, it only mattered that she was with her. Sure, he had a sad backstory, and was always in isolation, but if Jin Mi doesn’t want to be with him, living a depressing life in a depressing place, he should not be forcing the person he “loves” to stay there.
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The OTP:
Oh yes! I love the OTP here, and I love how they actually end up together! As I said before, their chemistry is off the charts, and honestly while I wasn’t totally sold on the OTP in earlier episodes, by episode 10, I already hopped on the ship and was only hoping for the best. The two of them go through so much, and it’s good to see it finally pay off when they finally end up together. 
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Their interactions during the human realm and the episodes following, as well as the demon realm were so CUTE! 
Music: The music was also beautiful. One of the theme songs, called "Love Frost (情霜)" really fit the show so well. And Yang Zi sings it very good too.
Costumes: The costumes were simply sublime! It was to be expected, obviously, seeing as the show had a huge budget. Honestly, I feel like Sui He had some of the best dresses, even though they kind of made her look like a bird.
Cinematography: If you’re someone who really likes the natural scenes, this show might not look so appealing, since a good amount of it takes place on the Heavens, and in the Demon Realm. 
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Overall Rating: A
Recommend For: People looking for a really well-done, well-acted, and well-written show and don’t mind some melodrama and tragedy here and there. (Honestly, everybody go watch it!) It’s one of the best idol dramas out there. 
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