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bladiegfs · 1 year

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it's been a long, long time

➵ hcs + drabbles of being separated from your lover for a while (ft. jing yuan, blade, gepard)

➵ warning(s) applicable: none

➵ wc: 2.3k

➵ they say distance makes the heart grow fonder. but sometimes, you can't stand it.

➵ author's note: hugging (and a kiss on blade's) as a treat...

Jing Yuan

⇢ It had been a while since you two saw one another; you were both far too busy with the threat of the Stellaron Hunters coming to Xianzhou.

⇢ You were busy with matters concerning work; no matter whether or not literal criminals could be walking the streets, the world stops for no one.

⇢ Well, most especially because you were involved with the Realm-Keeping Commission. It kept you ridiculously occupied, so much to the point that you couldn’t even pick up your phone.

⇢ Many things were keeping you occupied: first was the clear issue of the well-hidden secret of Blade’s escape. Second were the strange visitors that Sushang had been lugging around, especially the one carrying around a coffin and… hitting enemies with it. Third was the investigation of the spread of mara within soldiers— the Cloud Knights had been bleeding more men than predicted, which only made it more difficult for them to handle the criminals.

“He’s quite suspicious, isn’t he?” You comment, pulling Sushang to the side. The young knight raises an eyebrow at your words. “Who?” “The fair-haired one,” You explain. “The one with the coffin.” “I thought of that, too,” Sushang nods. She then beams at you, “But I can handle this, [name]! Trust me— you don’t have to worry more than you already do. The Loufu General won’t be too happy to know you’re running on anxiety, you know?”

⇢ And of course, you greatly missed Jing Yuan. At first, it was a faint feeling of sadness that resided in your chest. Then, as the days went by, it only grew in intensity. Somehow, seeing happy pairs of Foxians walking outside left a bitter taste in your mouth.

⇢ However, you had to push those feelings to the side and needed to put all focus on doing your job— the determination of ending all that gets in the way kept you fueled. After all, the sooner you deal with work, the sooner you’d be reunited with him.

⇢ And when all things ceased— finally and for the better, too— you find yourself overly aware of just how much you really missed your beloved. His absence had made your side turn cold.

⇢ Not only that, but worries also started to wander into your head. Where is he? What had happened to him these past few days? He didn’t do anything reckless, did he?

⇢ Those questions, you thought, could be easily answered by the one junior you know you could trust: Yanqing. And there he was, wiping his sword clean of dirt on a pavilion. You approached him, raising a hand in acknowledgment as you call out his name. He looks up at you with a bright smile.

“The General…” Yanqing tilts his head, eyes wandering up as he thinks. Some grime was on the little boy’s cheek as well as his hand, but he paid them no attention, or perhaps he did not notice. Then, his expression lights up and he says, “I last saw him with Madam Yukong! They’re probably at the Starskiff Haven.” “Thanks, Yanqing,” You smile, one hand reaching out to away wipe the dirt on his face as you spoke. Yanqing’s hand quickly darts up his face, replacing yours. With a voice tinged with shame, he says, “You better hurry or you might miss him.”

⇢ When you arrived at Starskiff Haven, the docks were filled with other officials within the Sky-Faring Commission. You peeked between the crowd, looking for him— looking for a hint of that light hair, and straining your ears to pick up the sound of his voice.

⇢ It was difficult to look around. There were far too many people blocking your line of sight, and he was likely right up front, unconsciously commanding attention like he always has.

⇢ And so, you turned around, opting to wait for the crowds to dwindle instead.

⇢ As you turned around, you bumped into someone. Before you could apologize, realization dawned upon you. You open your mouth soundlessly, unsure of where to start.

“Looking for someone?” Jing Yuan says, a playful smile on his face. You quickly rushed in for a hug, engulfing him in your arms. He stumbles back a little in surprise, momentarily stunned before returning the embrace. “Missed me that much?” He teases you as you melt into his arms. “You have no idea.” You reply, holding him even tighter. A laugh escapes his lips as one of his hands combs through your hair. He breathes in deeply and replies in a voice low enough that only you can hear, “I missed you too.”

Blade

⇢ Worries filled your head the moment you heard that Blade was captured by the Cloud Knights.

⇢ Kafka was quick to wave it off when the news hit, laughing as she does so. It did little to dissuade your worries.

“Oh, Bladie’s fine,” She quickly says, her voice a little more gentle this time. “Don’t worry about it, [name]. It’s all going according to plan.” “Plan,” you incredulously echo. Kafka nods as she turns to one of the screens, projecting an image of the planet. “After all, he’s already gotten away.” “Huh?” You stand up, your chair dragging on the floor with a loud noise. “What’s he doing now, then?” The half-grin Kafka gives you answers none of your questions.

⇢ With that, you breathe out a sigh of relief. Kafka had already plotted to go to Xianzhou Loufu herself— something about fulfilling what Elio had foreseen. None of which you’re allowed to know, but the fact that she’d be there reassures you.

⇢ You find yourself resting a lot easier. You return to your duties, significantly less bothered.

⇢ …Until a certain someone lets it slip that Kafka has gotten captured by the Divination Commission’s Master Diviner.

⇢ The entire situation spelled trouble; Blade had a nasty habit of meddling in fights involving any other members of the Stellaron Hunters. Hell, that’s how you met him first. But not only that, you worried about what information the commission could read on Kafka, and what they could possibly do to her.

“I’ll come get her myself,” You grit your teeth. Sam laughs, “Hey, don’t be rash. It’s all going—” “According to plan,” You finish, irritation audible in your voice. “That’s what you’re going to say, right?” “…Going to be alright, then,” Sam offers a sleazy smile. “Better?”

⇢ Right as you were briskly walking to the teleporters— followed by Sam who refused to let you go— a loud noise rattles the headquarters and lights flicker on and off for a second before stabilizing once more.

⇢ You rush to the source of the noise and was met with the sight of him dusting his clothes off, clicking his tongue. Meanwhile, Kafka sat beside Silver Wolf, amused as she watches Blade move.

⇢ When Blade meets your eyes, his expression somewhat relaxes. But he doesn’t spare you a greeting as you unconsciously scan his person; your eyes narrow at the new set of bandages wrapped around his arm. He then walks out of the room, pushing past Sam.

⇢ Looking around and at the three hunters looking at you expectantly, you sigh and turn to follow Blade.

⇢ He quickly walks through the halls and disappears behind the automatic doors of his room. You hasten your steps, and when the doors open for you, he’s seated at the foot of his bed, in the progress of removing his top.

⇢ He silently glances up to look at you and his hands stop working on his clothes. Instead, he leans back a little, propping himself up with one elbow against the bed and his free hand motioning for you to come closer.

⇢ You follow him and find a seat on top of his lap. You wrap your arms around him, breathing out as you feel his warmth once more.

Blade’s arm snakes around your waist, pulling you even closer. A jolt of electricity moves through your spine as he moves lower to press kisses on your neck. He murmurs against your skin, “Missed me?” “Yes,” You whisper. You feel his mouth curve up in a smile at your reply. And he leaves it unsaid as he kisses you, his lips meeting yours; I missed you, too.

Gepard

⇢ From the very start, you understood what Gepard’s line of work meant and you admired him for it.

⇢ But there was also the fact that there were days that were truly rough for him. He is a skilled fighter but there were still days when he’d come home wounded and tired. And you knew that he always means to be careful– he hated to see you look so worried and distraught– but his work comes first before anything.

⇢ And with his position in his work, it was all the more riskier. ‘To fight for Belobog is an honor,’ they said, but it sure didn’t feel like one whenever Gepard comes home to you and you’d see him injured.

⇢ Fortunately, those days were sparse.

⇢ But suddenly, there were orders for the Silvermane Guards to be dispatched outside the city. Length of stay? Indefinite. They were to remain there until they’ve completely eliminated the threat of Automaton Beasts— machines that might as well be pests with the way they never seem to never run out.

⇢ You felt somewhat assured that Gepard can handle the threat; he told you things like these were a walk in the park for him.

⇢ It was the distance that troubled you, as well as the intense cold outside the city. You vividly remember your early teen years, when you’d curiously explore the vast, snowy plains and shivered as you moved.

“Be careful,” You told Gepard as his hand hovers over the doorknob. “Stay safe, alright?” Gepard throws a glance behind his shoulder and looks at you with a small smile. “I’ll try.” You give him an unamused scoff, which only makes the smile on his face grow. Then, he gives in and says, “I’ll contact you as much as I can.” Slowly, a tiny smile also appears on your face.

⇢ Days turn into a week. He’d occasionally call you at around dinner time, checking in on you and chatting about trivial matters. You’d ask about how his mission is going, and he’d tell you the same thing he usually does: “It’s going great. Don’t worry, [name].”

⇢ But one night, the clock ticks past dinner time and you stare hard enough at your phone that you could almost launch it flying with just your gaze.

⇢ After a while, you pick up your phone— it works two ways, doesn’t it? But it only rings, and rings, and rings.

⇢ You told yourself to not worry about it too much; he was probably simply occupied for the night. He deserved and earned his rest.

⇢ Until it extends to four nights of silence. Four nights of not hearing his voice, not knowing what’s happened to him. Nothing.

⇢ At this point, you had wanted to march right out of the city walls once more, just like what you had done before. But you snapped back to reality the more you thought about it— you didn’t want to give the guards another thing to worry about, another to look out for.

⇢ Instead, all you could do is sigh discontentedly as you stare into your phone, waiting and waiting and waiting.

⇢ Seven days had passed since you last heard from Gepard. An entire week of waiting for news– waiting for anything at all– to tell you that he’s alright.

⇢ Then, as you walk through the city to quickly shop for more rice, you overheard a conversation between some guards within the city.

“—the captain.” “How long?” “I have no idea. Apparently, they’ve run into one of the biggest ones and sent his subordinates back to camp with one foot in the grave.” “So he’s fighting it alone?” “One at a time, yeah, I think. Chipping away at it. But it has been like, what? A week? Who knows how much longer it’ll be?” “Right,” The guard nods. “It could take him a year if he just kept going by himself instead of mobilizing his juniors.” “You know the captain. He’s not that type of person.”

⇢ You stumble back home, sick to your stomach. Gepard– the sweet, kind, caring man that he is and you fell for– had been fighting alone, all for the sake of his subordinates.

⇢ Right as you were about to get your phone to call Serval, the person you know would understand, you saw some guards and paramedics within the city walk in packs through the window.

⇢ Curiously, you peek out. Suddenly, hope and dread both fill your stomach as you see lines of guards– Gepard’s subordinates– start to litter the streets and go en route to the nearest medical bay.

⇢ You quickly rush outside your home and trail behind them, anxious to see their captain, your Gepard.

You pushed through the other soldiers, determined to make your way to him. He stood there, looking worse for wear. Yet, he stood steadfast. It was as if the wounds all over him didn’t exist. Instead, he ordered the paramedics to take his subordinates first. Your heart aches as you watch him and found yourself unable to hold back any longer— you pushed past another line of soldiers with some effort and broke through. With that, you start rushing toward your lover. When he catches sight of you, his walking first speeds up, until he starts rushing to you as well. And it was as if the world stopped moving when he catches you in his arms, engulfing you in a tight embrace. He cradles your head when you mutter, “I thought… I was so…” “It’s alright,” Gepard replies in a soothing voice. “I’m here. I’m here now.”

#maddie's corner!#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #jing yuan x reader #blade x reader #gepard x reader #! etude

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incognitopolls · 1 month

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hi, i sent in a comment back when one (not me) anon said they were unfollowing due to constant cisnormativity and gender essentialism in the polls. you didn't answer my ask back then, or maybe the ask disappeared since tumblr does that sometimes, but i would appreciate it if you would answer this, because i think it would be beneficial for everyone to actually talk about this openly.

i'd just like to ask, knowing that you may edit polls submitted to be more inclusive and clearer, why is the recent poll about preferences for a partner's pubic hair specifically for people with penises? and if there is another poll coming that's the same but for people with vaginas, i'm wondering why it would be necessary for a question like it to be separated like that. personally i don't see how that would make a big, or more importantly an interesting difference in the results. to me all it seems like it's doing is excluding intersex people and supporting this idea of "the two sexes" being fundamentally completely different from each other and someone's genitals playing a big part in defining people's preferences.

i'm not intending this as a hate comment, but as a genuine request for conversation around this subject, as you yourself said to the anon that unfollowed, that you'd like to hear about their side. i know i'm not said anon, but i think we're kind of talking about the same subject here, and recently there's been a lot of polls here separating people via genitals, and it's beginning to make me feel a little uncomfortable, in big part due to it implying that a huge portion of people here see gender and/or sex as a binary, and that people on the opposite ends of that binary are fundamentally different from each other due to their sex/gender.

apologies for the long ask, i just really wanted to avoid misunderstandings so i may have rambled a bit more than necessary.

Hi! Thanks for bringing up your concerns. The way I interpreted that question is that anon was curious whether pubic hair affects the sensation on the penetrating partner‘s penis, or whether pubic hair can be a hindrance– for example, acting as a barrier, or adding friction.

The original question was only aimed at people with penises, and I hadn’t planned on posting any variations for different genitals because (from what I’m assuming about anon’s curiosity) the question is so specific in asking about the sensation and/or logistics for a penis navigating around hair. I don’t think it would be helpful or yield any interesting data to post the same poll for people with other genitals.

In this case, I think my error was in not specifying “does a partner’s pubic hair affect the sensation on your penis during penetration?”. That’s the question I think anon was trying to ask, but unfortunately it was more clear in my and anon’s heads and didn’t come across in writing as clearly as I thought I was saying it.

Also, in response to the sentiment that there have been a lot of genital-related polls lately, there have been about 3 in the past 2 weeks, or about 3%. (7 polls per day; 49 polls per week; 98 polls every two weeks.) I understand if it seems like a lot, but the actual saturation is fairly low. I'm saying this not to dismiss you, but in the hopes of reassuring you that this blog is not shifting to become more heavily focused on separating people's genitals.

I got a number of helpful messages about the previous conversation on dyadism. I didn't respond to them due to some things in my personal life that limited my time, but I read them and have them saved as a reminder to myself when writing up polls so that I can continue to make these polls more inclusive of intersex people– I promise those messages weren’t ignored.

#not polls #nsft

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mrsriddlenott · 5 months

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The Second Day Of SmutMas

[smutmas masterlist] [main masterlist]

~ Christmas Movie Marathon ~

bf!JJ Maybank x fem!Reader

Summary: You, JJ, and the Pogues spend Christmas together in the chateau watching all your favorite holiday movies, until your mischievous boyfriend gets bored and wants to distract you as well.

- Lmk how y’all feel ab this one please, I’ve never written for OBX and I have yet to watch the 3rd season but I love JJ and Rafe so if this is good I may decide to write for them more after Christmas -

Warnings: 18+ Content!! Public Sexting, exhibitionism, bit of an innocence kink, mentions of past sexual encounters, alludes to smut, m!receiving handjob, kinda alludes to d/s dynamics, public m!orgasm.

Kie, Sarah, Pope, and you, all managed to slip away from your separate homes, after much difficulty and help from JJ and John B, to spend time with your found family on Christmas day. JJ had gotten a cheap Santa’s hat and spent the late morning beside the tiny Christmas tree passing around your gifts and ho ho hoing as you all laughed before flopping next to you on the couch with a wet kiss to your temple once he was done. The rest of the morning, and well into the afternoon, was filled with mini arguments over the best Christmas movies leading you all to decide you’d be watching every single one of each of your favorites to find out once and for all which was the best.

It was fun in theory, getting to cuddle up next to you and enjoy time with all your friends, and in the beginning it was rather entertaining, but JJ began to lose interest halfway through Elf two movies in and was finding it difficult to stay still and focused on the small screen infront of him. His arm that was draped over your shoulders to hug you into him slowly slipped off of you to pull his phone from his pocket, quickly typing something as you watched him confusedly before your phone was vibrating in your pocket.

Jay❤️: im bored Baby

You: How can you be bored watching Christmas Vacation?!

Jay❤️: its boring.

You gasp beside him, eyeing him with narrowed eyes before turning back to your phone with your eyebrows scrunched, vigorously typing on your phone as JJ watched you with a smile, deciding that trying to get you all riled up and bratty would be a much better way to spend his day.

You: Blasphemy.

You: This is a classic!!!!!

JJ chuckled down at his screen, thinking of what could get you more annoyed, before hurriedly typing and turning his phone away while you craned your neck to try and catch a glimpse at his message before it was sent.

Jay❤️: idk about that. its not like its one of the santa clause movies or something. besides your not even watching it your texting me….

You: You’re*

You: Christmas Vacation is older so more of a classic now stop distracting me☹️

JJ huffed out a sigh as he watched you swipe up the messages app, revealing your new home screen to be a picture of you both on the HMS a few days ago when you all went out to swim. More specifically, a picture of you in his favorite bikini, which flashed for only a second before you locked your phone, turning to him with a smile and chaste kiss to his lips that had his pants tightening quickly. What you hoped would satiate his attention-seeking instead made him needy for you as your taste always did, sometimes all it took for him to get riled up was the scent of your hair or a simple bat of your eyelashes and he was ready to shove you against the nearest flat surface.

He loved to ruffle your perfect feathers and get you riled up, whether it was you telling him off for distracting you from studying, or begging him to fuck you in ways you never could have imaged before him. You always tried to hide how much you loved his careless attitude, it was something he always adored about you, even when you were just friends wishing there was no such thing as “No Pogue On Pogue Macking”. But he never missed how your cheeks would go red when he fought someone at a party in the boneyard, snaking his hand in yours after and taking you to get a drink as though he didn’t have bruises growing on his hands and knuckles. And he definitely didn’t miss how you clenched your thighs every time you were caught making out in public or accidentally walked in on while occupying the bed at the chateau.

When he finally pulled himself out of his thoughts, JJ had to readjust his hips as you unknowingly leaned your head on his shoulder, he winced slightly and suppressed a moan when his hardening dick rubbed against the seam of his shorts. Your worried, confused eyes looked up to him from his shoulder and only worsened the ache in his lower abdomen as he tugged at the thin sheet blanket covering both your legs to bunch around his now fully erect dick.

Jay❤️: im so horny

Your eyes widened at your phone, your cheeks growing warm as they painted red, your thighs subconsciously rubbing together while feeling JJ’s eyes on you. It took you a second to think of a response, letting out a giggle that sent him soaring when you started to form the message. He rested his head on the back of the coach forcing himself not to groan while watching you type, not so patiently waiting to receive it on his end.

You: Watching a family get attacked by a squirrel from their Christmas tree makes you horny?

Jay❤️: what the fuck is even happening in this movie right now….

You: See the movie’s not boring you’re just not paying attention.

Jay❤️: how can you expect me to focus when your sitting next to me like that Gorgeous

Those wide eyes met his after scanning over the text in front of you a few times with furrowed brows, your cheeks bright red making him smirk down to you, tilting his head towards your phone and urging you to reply.

You: I didn’t do anything though?

Jay❤️:fuck Baby all you do is exist and im bricked

You accidentally let out a squeak of a whimper hidden by the sound of the TV that he heard only die to his proximity, he was throbbing in his shorts already as you started and stopped typing, deleting and restarting at least four times before he decided to double text with a groan.

Jay❤️: you want proof?

You narrowed your eyes as him slightly, thinking to yourself about what he could possibly have in mind to prove this to you before your curiosity ultimately took over and had you nodding your head to your very needy boyfriend. JJ quickly but discreetly grabbed your hand, shoving it under the thin material hiding his boner and twitching at the gasp you let slip upon making contact. He was harder than you ever felt before, his entirely rock hard dick just from the thought of you was sending uncommon bursts of confidence and adrenaline your way, already anticipating what he could have planned for you.

Jay❤️: keep that there and feel what you do to me.

Jay❤️: im imagining the way you spread your legs for me in the mornings when you get all needy for my tongue

Your face burned hot as you read his text, feeling the throb of his erect dick in your hand as it warmed your palm. You willed yourself to keep your hand still despite a desperate beed to please him, knowing one or all of your friends could turn around at any moment and see the movement. But to your surprise the idea of being caught in such an act was only aiding in the growth of your desire.

Jay❤️: and how you clench around me just before you cum

Jay❤️: that thing you do with your tongue when you suck me off that drives me fucking insane

Jay❤️: oh fuck and that fucked face you make when i first enter you

JJ twitched in your hand as he typed the last message and soon you were subconsciously rubbing him through his shorts. Slowly moving your cupped palm along his shaft in an accidentally antagonizing manner, forcing JJ to bite his lips to hide a moan, stuttering in his typing and causing an error he’d have to fix.

Jay❤️: im always craving the way you taste when i make you cum on my tongue

Jay❤️: and when i get to watch you taste my cum. dont you love it Sweetheart?

You swore your breathing stopped, you kept thinking all your friends could somehow read your texts and knew exactly what your hand was doing despite being entirely focused on the screen in front of them. You stretched the thumb of the hand holding your phone, trying to from your response, eyes darting up to the four in front of you every few seconds while your hand hidden beneath the sheet began picking up it’s pace at the spark of your imagination and rush of adrenaline. Your thoughts were running rampant, thinking of JJ taking you right on the coach or forcing your to your knees for teasing him, imagining the punishments he’d think of as soon as you were in private was egging you on as you thought out your teasing messages.

You: Of course I do Jay, you’re my favorite dessert🥰

You: Always taste so amazing when you make me choke around your cum

JJ’s throat went dry as he read your text over and over, his brain growing foggy and filling with the thought of you moaning and gagging around him, his hand in your hair, pushing you to take him entirely, shivering at the thought of your tongue tracing one of his prominent veins to the start of his balls just as it always did. JJ was much more distracted than he intended, his initial thought process being that you would get flustered and tug him away to have some Christmas fun, but when you batted your eyes up to him with a harder pull of his clothed dick, he realized your burst of confidence. His breath caught and he twitched in your hand upon noticing you were thoroughly enjoying the public aspect of his pleasure just as he was, he was desperately trying to hide it before, feeling like a perv, but knowing that his sweet, innocent little girl enjoyed it too changed everything.

You eyed the side of his face as he began forming another message, watching his pleasure when your fingertips found the outline of his tip and began swirling over him slowly with a featherlight touch that had him gritting his teeth and suppressing a moan before you were slipping your hand back down him slowly. The way he had to bite his lip to silence himself, closing his eyes to toss his head back with an almost silent groan had your already damp underwear growing wetter while you awaited what was sure to be an inappropriate text.

Jay❤️: dont you want me to fuck you right now Baby?

You: I’d rather watch you cum in your shorts right here before I even touch you properly.

Jay❤️: jesus. since when were you in charge Cupcake?

You: Since right now.

Jay❤️: i fucking love it

You giggled at your phone, turning to see JJ’s blown out eyes observing you, a lazy smile adorning his face as your hand sped up upon eye contact. His eye lids began to flutter, drooping almost closed as your hand worked from his base to his tip, stopping at the leaking head with a smile before beginning to rub him quickly with the pads of two of your fingers. He jolted forward slightly with a sigh of pleasure, grabbing at your wrist to make sure your hand stayed exactly where he wanted it.

Your hand barley moved as your fingers swirled over his tip, you could feel his precum beginning to soak through his boxers and onto his shorts leaving a sticky feeling on your working fingers. His grip on your arm tightened, nails digging into you as he approached his high, moving too much in his seat and drawing your friends attention. Just as the coil in his lower stomach snapped, he was painting the inside of his shorts and boxers white, panting and biting his lips to suppress sounds while imagining you cleaning him with your tongue.

As his eyes refocused, JJ took account of the quiet scene unfolding on the TV and the questioning, almost mocking eyes of his friends. He chuckled upon noticing you were suddenly shy again, avoiding making eye contact by turning to him with pleading eyes. Another thing he loved, how you acted so innocent for everyone but him.

“We’re gonna go….um….take a nap” JJ lies, standing quickly as though the obvious dark spot on his khaki shorts was invisible, grabbing your hand aggressively and tugging you behind him over the couch.

“Yeah okay, just don’t “nap” too loudly we still have movies to finish out here,” Pope shouted, laughing with your friends as your face burned, JJ quickly led you into the other room and towards the bed, slamming the door loudly and making it quite obvious what would be happening.

“Those two can’t keep their hands off of each other, they’re like rabbits I swear.” John B stated with a chuckle and a shake of his head as he and Sarah migrated to the coach to claim the seats you and JJ had just vacated.

“Oh shut up John B, you two are way worse.” Kie jokingly snapped between laughs as she, Pope and the loved birds refocused on the movie, turning up the volume expectantly as the laughs died down.

~~~~

-Taglist-

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poohsources · 9 months

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🐝 * ― 𝑨𝑽𝑨𝑻𝑨𝑹: 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑨𝑺𝑻 𝑨𝑰𝑹𝑩𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛ i'm angry at myself! ❜ ❛ it's easy to do nothing, it's hard to forgive. ❜ ❛ you miscalculated. i love them more than i fear you. ❜ ❛ there is nothing wrong with letting the people who love you help you. ❜ ❛ but now you're not letting yourself feel anything. i know sometimes it hurts more to hope and it hurts more to care. but you have to promise me that you won't stop caring. ❜ ❛ my own mother thought i was a monster ... she was right of course, but it still hurt. ❜ ❛ in the darkness, hope is something you give yourself. ❜ ❛ never forget who you are, for surely the world won't. ❜ ❛ why am i so bad at being good? ❜ ❛ it is important to draw wisdom from different places. if you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale. ❜ ❛ sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else. ❜ ❛ and now you have come to the crossroads of destiny. it's time for you to choose. ❜ ❛ you may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place. ❜ ❛ protection and power are overrated. i think you are very wise to choose happiness and love. ❜ ❛ get over here, [ name ]. being part of the group also means being part of group hugs. ❜ ❛ stop! stop it right now! what's wrong with you? we don't have time for fun and games with the war going on. ❜ ❛ i'm too young to die! ❜ ❛ in my country, we exchange a pleasant 'hello' before asking questions. ❜ ❛ i didn't know what or when, but i knew i'd know it when i knew it! ❜ ❛ the past can be a great teacher. ❜ ❛ when we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change. ❜ ❛ there really is no fathoming the depths of my hatred for this place. ❜ ❛ failure is only the opportunity to try again, only more wisely this time. ❜ ❛ i wanted to take out all of my anger on them. but i couldn't. i don't know if it's because i'm too weak ... or if it's because i'm strong enough not to. ❜ ❛ look [ name ], you're going to fail a lot before things work out. even though you will fail over and over again, you have to try every time. you can't quit because you're afraid you might fail. ❜ ❛ while it is always best to believe in oneself, a little help from others can be a great blessing. ❜ ❛ you must never give in to despair. allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. ❜ ❛ if we knew each other back then, do you think we could have been friends too? ❜ ❛ you know, [ name ], i don't care what anyone else says about you. you're pretty smart. ❜ ❛ if i try, i fail. if i don't try, i'm never going to get it. ❜ ❛ let your anger out, and then let it go. forgive him. ❜ ❛ pride is not the opposite of shame, but rather its source. true humility is the only antidote to shame. ❜ ❛ life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not. ❜ ❛ the greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation. things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same. ❜ ❛ you stand alone. that has always been your greatest weakness. ❜ ❛ bad skin? normal teenagers worry about bad skin, i don't have that luxury. ❜ ❛ in my dream, we were right in the middle of the invasion, and you stopped to use the bathroom. we die because of your tiny bladder. ❜ ❛ you need to find someone who waits and listens before striking. ❜ ❛ everyone has to be treated like they're worth giving a chance. ❜ ❛ i don't need luck, though. i don't want it. i've always had to struggle and fight, and that's made me strong. it's made me who i am. ❜

#rp meme #rp memes #rp prompts #roleplay meme #sentence starters #tv starters #tv sentence starters #rph #type: meme

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forthevillains · 2 months

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Okokok this is gonna sound weird, BUT, pretty please hear me out 😘

So imagine being Albert Wesker's "childhood friend" Like when he was a teen he'd sneak out to spend time with you every so often if he had a bit of free time in his busy af schedule. Idk what to do about this idea from there. I just think it's kinda fun. Maybe he's secretly a yandere lol. No idea.

That’s such a good idea!

The fact that Wesker would have someone to talk to without Spencer knowing at all. Like he’d be so excited to actually have a friend he’d risk his everything only to get to see you. As smart as he is, it wouldn’t be that difficult for him to create a plan, but making it work with all the people around him would be much worse.

Alex surely caught him at least once, questioning his intentions, curious on why in the hell would her brother go out during such a time while they have so much to do. Wesker was tense the whole time they were talking, he felt stupid, it all looked and sounded much better in his head, but when he said "I found a friend.” - he cringed at himself. No matter this reaction though, as much as Alex used to tease the hell out of him and even make fun of him, she was still his sister and he was closest to the family she’s lost years ago. Something about Albert being able to make connections with people after all that’s been done to him is still on her mind and so she lets him go, having his back whenever Spencer asked of his whereabouts.

Wesker would sneak out more and more often, the more he got to know you, the more he wanted to be with you. It became something he couldn’t live without, seeing you smile at him every now and then, interested in him. If you asked about his parents he would go quiet, so you made a mental note of not asking about his personal life again. You became the talker and did he love listening to you. He got to know the smallest of things, everything about your own family… He made sure to remember every detail about you, especially the type of places you liked so that he could take you there when you guys would get older. It was the first time for him having a friend like this so he cared for you like for no other.

I can imagine Wesker getting really fixated though, after some time, he wouldn’t know whether its love or obsession he’s feeling, but deep in his guts he’s aware that it’s no good, not for him, not for you. He’s destined for big things, he has so many lives on his hands. He’s nothing like any other teenager, he has an important duty (and trust that sometimes he hates it very much). Though you always make him feel like a normal teenager, like a normal human being… And that’s special to him, by treating him like a decent human - you’re making him feel special.

And even when he loved to spend his time with you, everything good in his life apparently had to come to an end. You left, because your parents insisted on moving away and that was when you and Albert got separated. It hurt, both you and him, but in his case it was hard to move on. So hard he just couldn’t do it. He’d feel sad, always thinking of the times spent with you, away from all his problems and now it was all gone. While you were quick to find new friends, he became so lonely that not even William or Alex made him feel better.

You haven’t come back in years, in almost two decades. And Wesker was still thinking of you sometimes, even though he was somewhere completely else. He changed physically and mentally that’s for sure, now that he was captain of S.T.A.R.S. with even more responsibilities than before. He became cold, stern and hardworking man with clear goals in his mind. He didn’t include you in his plans anymore, even though he wondered where you were a lot, he wondered if you got married and had kids, he wondered if you thought about him the same way he thought about you. Obsession it was indeed.

One day however, you ran into him, on an accident. You didn’t see it coming as you were texting your co-worker of an important matter when you found yourself basically walking into his muscular form, immediately dropping your phone and if it wasn’t from him - you’d be lying on the ground right next to it.

"I’m sorry-“ you were ready to leave, but he stopped you before you could go any further. You were familiar, everything about you felt that way and when you looked up at him, all confused, he recognized those eyes. It was as if the time stopped for him, finally seeing the woman he liked when they were young, someone who overlooked all his flaws and made him smile almost each time they met.

"What is it?” You turned your head to the side, narrowing your eyes in curiosity and only then has he realized that he’s been staring at you through his shades and not saying anything.

"Y/N…” he only muttered your name, completely taken aback by the sound of your voice. He couldn’t believe that he was seeing you now. "It’s been so long.”

You don’t get what he means at first, but when he takes the sunglasses off to get a proper look at you. "Al-“ before you finished saying his name he pulled you in for a hug, wanting nothing more than to feel that you’re real. He only used to hug you when you initiated it, but now it was his turn, he felt as if it wasn’t real at all, that it was too good to be.

No matter the shock, you hugged him back after a while, wrapping your hands around him, taking a note of how much bigger he got over the years. He’s grown to be a handsome man to say the least.

"What are you doing here?” You asked when you pulled away, giving him a small smile.

"Going to work.” He made it up. He wasn’t going anywhere now that he’s learned that you’re around. He’s not gonna make the same mistake of letting you go now that he has more control over his own life. It might feel crazy to some, but he wanted to keep an eye on you, getting to know your habits, where you worked, where you lived and he wouldn’t wait for you to tell him yourself, it’s already been too much time without you. He wanted to make up for it now.

"Oh alright! Sorry, I must be wasting your time,” you apologized.

Wesker shook his head though. "Of course you’re not.” He was so gentle talking to you that if someone has heard him they probably wouldn’t even recognize him.

"Well in that case, we should catch up with each other. Are you free this evening? I’ve got so much to tell you!” There you were, the girl he used to know, immediately showing him your interest even though you haven’t seen him in decades. He couldn’t even say no to you, immediately cancelling whatever plans he’s had to make sure he’s indeed free in the evening. This time you’re not getting away from him, he’s going to make you his at some point. He’s been stupid enough to let you go once, he’s not gonna do it again;)

#albert wesker #albert wesker x reader #oneshot #resident evil #resident evil wesker #wesker x reader #wesker x you

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tethered-heartstrings · 1 year

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There is a very clear difference to how Hannibal commits violence against Will compared to others. Sometimes there is the air of him doing it for pleasure, but often it’s out of necessity, self-preservation. He killed Tobias and Antony to keep his secret, he fought Jack in “Mizumono” to stay alive. While it was “I need to do this”, part of it was “because I want to”, versus with Will it was “I have to”. He didn’t necessarily want to harm Will like he did the others, but he had to protect himself, whether physically from prison or emotionally from betrayal. But there is a hesitancy with violence towards Will because he cares about him. He knows he has to inflict pain, but he wants, needs, that pain to be survivable, tolerable, forgivable. There is a deep-rooted fear that Will may not forgive him. What if this act is the final straw and there is no going back.? Still, it’s a need that cannot be ignored, it has to be done. With tears in his eyes, it must be done. And the only thing he can give amongst all the inevitable suffering is a bit of kindness, a small touch of love. A little token of “please just trust me. Trust that I don’t want to do this, but I have to, and I would do anything else if I could.” Hannibal wants the best for Will and is burdened with dealing him the worst. A violence he knows too intimately, and he has no choice but to extend it to someone he loves. An ache deep in his core spread through a trembling, hesitant touch. One last good brush of skin before the spill of blood. A tuck of hair behind the ear and a plead from his soul that this won’t be the time he loses Will forever.

So when Will forgives him in the catacombs, it’s a relief that yes, he was forgiven, he didn’t lose him. But a bitter ache crawled up from his mending heart knowing he had to eat him, and it’d be final. There would be no Will Graham left to forgive him. The least he could do is extend that love once more. Tend to his wounds, hold him, pet his hair, feed him, make it so Will doesn’t feel too much pain. And when it all falls to pieces, he is left in limbo awaiting Will’s forgiveness, hoping against all odds that he could turn back time and go back to a place where they were okay again. But it was the final straw. Will didn’t want him. Will wouldn’t miss him like he’d miss Will. Years and distance separate them, but it could never fully rip them apart. Because at the end of it all Will forgave him. Wanted him. Chose him. Loved him. Despite all the violence and bloodshed and tears, it was all worth it if it meant ending up in each other’s arms. To be the last thing the others feels with no more time left to worry about forgiveness because he will have it for eternity.

#will graham #hannibal lecter #hannibal #hannibal nbc #nbc hannibal #hannigram #hannibal meta #the theoretical clown

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voltronisanobsession · 4 months

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Hi! It's me again, I was wondering if I could ask a Derek hale x sister! Reader where since the hale fire the reader stop talking to anyone but only her siblings (like laura, Derek and cora) and one day the pack come in to derek's loft and saw reader whispering to Derek a d they ate shocked because even at school she never speak but as soon as she saw them she stop speaking/whispering to him. So the pack always try to make her speak by speaking to her or asking her things but reader either sigh or growl but never speak to them even though they're her pack because she's afraid that they'll die once she will start being friendly with tem, sos some people of the pack start getting frustrated and stiles or someone else make a comment about her being mut or thinking that she was mute and Derek her big brother stand up for her. Please and sorry it's so so long.

Derek defending Reader b/c of their Quietness

UGH YES LOVE THIS🦅🦅🦅 it’s not long bro, don’t even worry about it, I love writing for teen wolf teehee

Idk if I did you justice but I hope you enjoy this!!

Derek is SUPER protective of you, like it’s not even funny😭

Since you’re with your older brother most of the time, the pack has gotten used to your presence and silence, yet were always so curious to know more about you!

But whenever they’ve come across you, whether it be at school, walking down a street, or even when fighting, you never say a peep to any of them

They obviously know that you somewhat care for them with all the times you’ve saved their asses from trouble, but you’re just so quiet that it’s hard to form a connection with you

I don’t think they’ve actually heard your voice besides from the occasion sigh or chuckle you would let out whenever someone said something funny

At one point they all just assumed you were mute until they one day unexpectedly dropped by Derek’s studio when they hear faint talking from outside his door

Of course they hear Derek’s deep voice, but they also hear a new voice as well

This once is much softer, yet filled with life as they heard the joyful laughing of this unknown person

Stiles being Stiles, homeboy just barges in to see who this new person only to see the surprised faces of you and your brother

“You can talk?!” Is definitely the first thing this dude would say

Your mouth is glued shut at the question and before the group can begin interrogating you, Derek steps in to separate you all

Since then, the group (mostly stiles tho) would try and make you talk

Whether it be about the most random things, they are always in some way waiting for your response

I think Allison would be the one in the pack to understand your hesitance of forming a connection with them because of your terrible pst

She understands your boundaries and only converses with you when it’s only the two of you

Allison doesn’t let her surprise how on her face you you laugh at a joke she offhandedly said to make you feel comfortable

She’s the only one you would actually talk to in private, allowing her to take a place in your heart with how many times she’s saved you, and made you laugh

Scott doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by any means, but sometimes the silence between you both makes him feel awkward

He definitely bugs Derek about it though. Because of how much he asks about it, Derek does fold at one point and reveals why you never speak around them

Scott sees you in a different light at the knowledge of you scared of forming relationships with them, but he doesn’t treat you any differently

He’s learned to embrace the silence and calmness you bring, throwing smiles towards you every now and then when you guys make eye contact

Lydia and Stiles are more of the pushy types, always bothering you about why you don’t talk

Lydia learns to just let I go though after the first few times she tries talking to you

She doesn’t wanna waste her breath when you won’t even respond to a yes or no question😭 you usually communicate with her with your eyes or by nodding your head

Stiles on the other hand won’t let go of it

He’s always asking you questions, waiting for a response before babbling about something else

There are times that he asks sensitive questions which he knows is wrong and insensitive of him but he just wants to hear you speak again

I think we all know how stiles is, pushing someone’s else’s limits until they actually do so emerging to him to him shut up💀

I think Scott might reveal a little about you to Stiles because of how annoying he’s gotten about the subject

Stiles actually gets fed up one random day tho after the group almost gets killed because of your reluctance to communicate with them, making an off handed, and lowkey insulting, comment towards you

“What, are you finally gonna speak at our funerals when one of us dies? There won’t really be a point in doing so though.”

Might not seem like much, but for you, your heart breaks at that

He will admit it’s not his proudest moment

The second the comment leaves his mouth tho, Derek is slamming the younger boy against a way and giving him the death stare

Everyone gasps at the sound of Stiles hitting the wall

Scott tries to make Derek let go, but Stiles was talking shit to his younger sibling and he’s not gonna take that

You quickly walk over though, resting a hand on his arm

Everyone is supposed, even Derek, when you speak

“It’s ok Derek, let him go.”

After a moment of hesitation, Derek lets Stiles go, not before threatening to rip his head off if her ever speaks to you like that

Once he’s backed off, you look to Stiles, eyes filled with hurt and anger

“Are you happy now Stiles?”

And boom, you angrily walk away leaving everyone tense, Allison chasing after you

I think this’ll have a more emotional affect on you because this dude basically forced you to kinda relive a trauma you’ve grown to have

He destroyed the coping mechanism you had, which was keeping to yourself in silence

But maybe this was the push you needed. Maybe you needed someone to break you out of this shell you were in.

It was a difficult and scary process for you, but with the support of Derek and Allison, you slowly began speaking more

Starting with small comments, everyone gave you time and space to go at your own pace when talking with you

I think you would have a stutter because of your limited amount of contact you’ve had with other people throughout the years

So the pack patiently as you get out the words and sentences you stumble on occasionally

They don’t make fun of it, but instead encourage you to continue, especially if you get frustrated when you can’t get out a specific word

They are also there to remind you that they’re always going to be there for you, and that they won’t ever leave you💔

You appreciate so much because that’s been your number one fear ever since the fire that happened all those years ago

While at first things were still awkward with you and Stiles, he apologized the second you guys were alone

He’s super sincere and remorse full of the way he treated you. You accept his apology, but not without giving him the classic Hale threat if he ever does it again🤭

Derek is still super protective of you and always reminds you to not push yourself

You honestly love and appreciate him for that, and often remind him how much you appreciate him

Cora, if she’s visiting, would be surprised to hear you talking freely now. While she gives Stiles the stink eye at hearing how it all happened, she’s lowkey happy that you’ve finally broken from your chains of doubt

#teen wolf x reader #teen wolf x you #platonic Derek hale x reader #derek hale x reader #derek hale #stiles teen wolf #stiles stilinski #Scott teen wolf #Scott mccall #lydia teen wolf #lydia Martin #allison teen wolf #allison argent #malia teen wolf #x reader #teen wolf headcanons #teen wolf #headcanons #teen wolf ask

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desafinado · 1 year

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Hello! I really love your writings, they're lighthearted and interesting to read. I also love your characterization for the characters! Would it also be alright for me to request some fluffy domestic headcanons for Alhaitham or Kamisato Ayato with their s/o as their wife? Thank you and have a nice day! <3 <3 <3

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 happily ever afters (?)

°｡⋆ alhaitham, ayato x reader (separately)

°｡⋆ sickening fluff, nicknames/pet names galore, suggestive (omg)

note: hi hi! thank you so much for your support and feedback !!! as for your request, why not both! hope this satisfies your domestic/fluffy desires !! also… i like framing marriages as happy endings with a question mark, because i think that pretty much encapsulates my perspective on it. you hope it is a happy one and you’ll strive to make it such, but you’re never gonna be certain of it.

(alhaitham, ayato) | (zhongli, diluc, kazuha)

alhaitham ♡

i’m desperately thinking malewife, and i will bc these are my hcs so damn it.

he didn’t completely quit his job, but if you work as well… expect him to be babying you just the tiniest bit.

he made a promise to take care of you so he very much will.

cooking breakfast/dinner when he notices you coming home a bit more tired.

buying groceries (most importantly, your favorite snacks) while he's out.

leaving little notes around the house whenever he has to leave for work (whether it be a few hours or days).

you can also expect him to rant more nonchalantly, aka welcome the inner sanctum of his thoughts he must repress in front of higher ups in order to be “polite”.

“i mean what kind of buffoonery must you partake in to even have that idea? the mental gymnastics you must do in order to get from point a to point b is-” “dear, breathe and drink this tea for a second.”

in turn, you’re also often the one to keep him in and check and remind him of his own needs (whether it be emotional or purely basic like eating and sleeping).

in relation to this, you’ve implemented cuddle breaks where if you feel he’s going too far and in too deep, you can drag him into a cuddle session for an hour.

he’s usually silent the whole time, but you can see the clear progression from him grumbling about it to melting into your arms.

also they rarely ever last for just an hour and sometimes it might even escalate (suggestive yes) if he's feeling particularly clingy.

lets address the elephant in the room, alhaitham has been touch-starved for most of his life, so you coming in and giving him all the affection (with no question or judgment whatsoever) is the best thing that has happened to him.

his little smile when you hug him from behind or leave a kiss on his forehead.

anyways, back on track, most people don’t even realize you two are married but you both don’t really care either. it's just funny to hear/see their reactions.

“dinner with someone you're calling your beloved? yeah sure, that’ll be interesting” “you can disrespect me, but i will [redacted] if you so much as think about disrespecting them.”

living individual lives doesn’t stop either of you from being particularly clingy though… whether it be you storming into alhaitham’s office demanding for him to just hold you tight or alhaitham skipping work to have you kiss all his stress away.

you’re both pretty upfront about your emotions, because you don’t want to lose anything to miscommunication… (even if sometimes, it might be a bit embarrassing)

at the end of the day, you two are married… and he couldn’t have asked for a better partner to lay himself vulnerable to.

how can you say no when his eyes are practically speaking for his heart; a vision of longing and yearning so crystal clear. you’re running a hand through his hair, and as every second passes he only leans in to your touch. he looks up at you for a second, debating whether or not he interrupt the comfortable silence; he eventually looks back down, but you’re not one to ignore that and brush it off.

“my love, what is the matter?”

another moment passes before he finally gathers the courage to say the words trapped in his throat.

“i know we’ve been over it, but i can’t believe i’m yours… and you’re mine. i’m just thankful, is all. i hope i can always be the one you can rely on, as you are to me.”

a minor blush dusts his cheeks as you giggle softly at his flustered state. it wasn’t unusual, but it certainly made you feel happy, being able to fluster the stoic and pragmatic alhaitham.

“and you are, my love. celestia could send rains of fire and stampedes of thunder, and i would only ever run to you. i’ve entrusted my soul to yours, whether you know it or not, and you’re not getting rid of me so easily.”

ayato ♡

lord kamisato, this. lord kamisato, that. he does not care, he will take time out of schedule specifically for you and only you.

because no one could compare to the way you call his name, when you wake up first thing in the morning, your voice still groggy, or while you’re both walking in the garden and you spot a beautiful flower.

you specifically request him not to make you any food though, because there's a 20% it will be inedible (the chances are low, but never zero)

instead, he’ll order your favorite pastries and have them delivered every morning in time for breakfast.

once he leaves for work, you both are very reluctant to let go… as if you’re not gonna sneak into his office every hour or so.

having you sat on his lap, arms around your waist while he’s going over documents.

if he has some plans that require him to be out and about, he takes every chance to sneak away and have a secret little moment or two with you.

this only escalates during festivals when his stress levels reach new heights. you steal him away, so you both can actually enjoy the festival the way everyone else is.

hearing him quietly chuckling feels as though you’ve been welcomed into an eternal paradise that only you two know of.

on the rare occasion that you don’t see him the entire day, you change or do things around the house to it feel more like a home for the both of you

ayato’s been complaining about back pain? you spend the day searching for a pillow that fixes that (worse comes to worse, there’ll be a new mattress when he comes home…)

the walls feel a bit bare and drab? you’ll just frame and hang up some of your favorite memories together.

you’ll also often find yourself experimenting with new boba recipes and having him try them all when he comes home; because of this pastime of yours, his favorite milk tea flavor has gone through a variety of changes.

anyways, when he does come home from work, you very much try to leave it outside (unless he truly needs to get things off his chest by venting).

he just wants to spend an evening with you watching a movie, having homemade dinner, or simply cuddling in bed.

the rest of the world fades into obscurity whenever you’re holding him close, face snuggled into his chest.

you’re just whispering compliments and words of comfort, because archons know he doesn’t hear it enough (/srs i feel like he gets used to the courteous praises coming from his colleagues and such for doing a good job, but you telling him how pretty his face is, is simply unmatched)

to hell it be damned, he fought for his marriage to you and he will fight everyday to protect the home you’ve both built together.

“in the kitchen!”

your voice makes itself known as ayato is quick to rush to the kitchen to see what you’re up to. there’s some flour scattered on the counter and floor as well as some unwashed dishes in the sink, and you’re in the middle of it all, giving him an awkward smile.

“i was just trying a new recipe and tried making pearls, i’m sorry about the mess…”

you laugh awkwardly as he only moves faster towards you. the moment he reaches you, he takes both your hands, soft and still covered in flour.

“i’m sure it turned out great. your hard work clearly shows.” he chuckles, bringing a hand up to your face stroking your cheeks. “i think… it’s missing a personal touch though. would you mind?” he closes the gap between you both, his lips barely grazing yours, waiting for your confirmation.

“indeed it does. i’ve missed you… a lot.”

your lips eventually find his and you can’t help the smile that creeps on to your face. its moments like these that you cherish and keep in your heart; these memories of him that belong to you forever more.

requests are open!! please do not repost on other sites.

#genshin x reader #genshin imagines #alhaitham #alhaitham x reader #ayato x reader #kamisato ayato #genshin fluff #genshin impact #airi.writes #airi.hcs

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merakiui · 5 months

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i think there's something so romantic about mer sex,,, the idea of it just hits so different compared to sex with any other type of creature (human, fae, beastfolk; although those all hit in very wonderful ways, too).

but with merfolk there's something so mystical about it. maybe it's because the environment and the anatomy and everything else is nothing like that seen on the surface, so it truly is another world entirely. you could hole yourself up in a little crevice set deep into the sea floor and go at it for hours, and you wouldn't have to worry about things like separating for air during kisses or oral (because you breathe through your gills) or even time because time feels so nonexistent and irrelevant when you're so far beneath the waves. it's really just you and your mer lover, coiled tight around each other, pressed impossibly, perfectly close, and the only source of light is bioluminescent creatures floating lazily around or perhaps even the glow from their body as they illuminate the shadows you're confined in. <3

and then there's also the lack of birth control and contraceptives in the sea. sure, they probably have their own unique way for preventing pregnancy, but it's so rare and expensive. and fry are already such a gamble because you can never be sure if one or two or any will survive the harsh environment they're born into. and on top of that finding someone to love and cherish for the rest of your life seems difficult in a habitat that is much more cutthroat than the surface. the ocean is so vast and some mers are always traveling far and wide, while others prefer to settle down in one area and remain. romance is fleeting everywhere, but it's even more so here. love changes with the tides, coming and going, sometimes seeking warmer waters when mating seasons roll around, before departing if there is no spark, no obligation, no necessity.

so to find that special mer and remain steadfast with them throughout all of the rough challenges the sea brings, to lay with them every mating season and every other time between that period, whether for the sake of breeding or to simply fuck as nature intended, feels so sweet. orz maybe it's also because there's so much sexual freedom and gender is such a flexible thing there, so anything is possible in the ocean. and no one really worries about details; all that matters is that you love your mate and they love you and you're together, happy, healthy, and secure. and that adoration is proven in so many ways. protecting your love, hunting day and night, tidying up the cave, bringing back all sorts of shiny treasures and baubles, biting into their nape to mark them as yours, smelling like one another, becoming a pair........ and so much more.

aaaaa it's just very lovely to me. :D

#meraki mumbles #n/sfw #i rambled a lot but i hope my thoughts were portrayed clearly ;;;;

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shelbyssins · 1 year

Note

Hi there Rosie! Welcome again!! 😊😊 I apologize in advance for the fact that this request may not be the best…I’m not good at thinking them up — but I wanted to send one in, so here goes…

Would you be able to write a Tommy Shelby x Reader where Tommy and reader were previously in a relationship but separated for some reason (I can’t think of one atm so I’ll leave that up to you) but then he crosses paths with her some time down the road, when he least expects to, and is suddenly sidetracked by her again…like maybe he was about to do some business but sees her and is completely distracted. And then he does whatever he can to talk to her again. …. It’s up to you whether you want to go full angst or sprinkle in some fluff at the end.

I hope this made sense…thanks so much in advance if you choose to write the story!! ❤️

Home ~ Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: Language, Mentions of violence, Angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 7,872

Request for: @runnning-outof-time

A/N: So this story ran away with me a bit... I absolutely loved writing this request and really wish I didn't have to work so I could've finsihed it sooner. I hope this story does justice to what you had in mind! If you read this fic, let me know what you think! I'm excited to upload more soon. Enjoy x

The shop was quiet today. Race day wasn’t for another week and most factories didn’t pay their worker’s wages until tomorrow, so most men were scrounging up their last few pennies to put food on the table before they could crowd the betting shop. It was all for the best, really; Tommy was in a frightfully awful mood, clattering about his office, ripping desk drawers and cabinet doors open as if the wood had personally offended him.

“Where the fuck is this fucking diary?” He muttered to himself, an unlit cigarette hanging forgotten between his lips. Stumbling over his desk chair, he cursed at whichever higher power was listening for testing him so harshly today. As he fumbled with his final drawer, the last iota of patience he had left drained out of him, and he forced the handle so hard that the entire drawer came out of the cabinet and crashed to the floor with a near deafening thud. Tommy flinched as the noise echoed around in his head, briefly taken to a place better forgotten, distant explosions, distant death. He pushed away the burning behind his eyes and bent to collect the various papers scattered around the floor.

They were mostly old contracts and accounting bills, permanently wrinkled, ink faded by the passage of the years, but one thing Tommy didn’t expect was peeking out from under a pile of old letters. A photograph, a reminder of someone he all too often tried to push away, just like every other painful memory. He staggered back a little, struck by this sudden resurgence of his past love, struck by this sadness curling around his lungs.

Tommy clasped the photograph in one hand, her eyes staring unwaveringly back at him. He remembered when she gave him the picture; she had tucked it into the pocket of his coat just before he left for France, her hands softly trembling, eyes glassy with tears. Tommy slept with it under his pillow every night during the war. Sometimes she was the only reason he fought for another day, the only thing that could bring him back to his feet from the abyss of crippling fear.

He was so angry all of a sudden, kicking the wooden drawer across the room just to feel the ache of his foot, just for the satisfaction when it hit the wall and splintered apart. Just so he could distract himself from the guilt rising through his body like a sickness.

“Fuck!” He roared into the silence.

Tommy’s fingers twitched for a moment, immediately craving to tear the photo into a thousand shreds, but he couldn’t do it to her - he almost felt like it would hurt her now if he did. He was too ashamed to look back at her beautiful face as he folded the picture away, just like he couldn’t look at her when she left.

All it took was one threat against her. One far too many. Tommy closed his eyes and thought of her, the soft smiles she gave only to him, her melodic laugh, the way she lit up every dark corner of his life. There would be no reason for him to keep living if he robbed the world of that brightness, could never live with himself if he didn’t keep her safe from his enemies. So Tommy convinced himself it was better to push her away than to ever see her dead because of him. He could make her hate him if he had to, anything to get her as far removed as possible. “You’re just not enough for me anymore, Y/n,” He said, aiming for nonchalance though his voice cracked on her name.She recoiled away from Tommy like he had slapped her, eyes stinging with tears as she turned her back to him, embarrassed.“I shouldn’t be surprised that you’ve proven to me what everybody always told me was true,” She spoke in a watery voice, tearful yet calm, but Tommy almost wished she’d scream at him, anything was better than this broken girl in front of him. “You have no room in your life for anyone’s interests but your own, Thomas Shelby. You knew I’d loved you from the moment we met, and yet you strung me along anyway. I knew exactly what you were capable of, but I never saw such cruelty in you.” Y/n finished her sentence looking Tommy in the eyes, fierce in her grief, “If you say you don’t love me, I swear you’ll never see me again.” Her words tore through him like a bayonet, killing a part of his soul he didn’t know was still alive. He refused to meet her gaze, ashamed of what he might see reflected in her eyes. He didn’t speak for a beat too long, not trusting that the truth of his feelings for Y/n might come tumbling out of his mouth like a traitorous avalanche. “I understand, Tommy,” Were her final words to him, spoken so tenderly that it almost comforted Tommy, it reminded him of the softness of his mother’s voice when she’d hushed him to sleep as a child, he swallowed down the lump in his throat, fighting to keep his face vacant.Y/n left Tommy standing on his own, her perfume lingering just in front of his face, fogging up his brain with all the loving words he wished so desperately he could say to her. Tommy’s chest heaved with the effort it took to keep his legs from darting out after her and begging her to stay. He cursed his ambition, cursed himself for breaking her heart, cursed himself for driving her away. He cursed everything he could for hoping she’d stay away from him forever.

~~~

Two days after he’d rediscovered Y/n’s photograph, Tommy found himself in the Garrison meeting two Irishmen over some headache about a fight. The air was a little stale in the snug, old alcohol soaked into the fabric of the couches and cigarette smoke absorbed by the walls.

“Thomas Shelby,” The greeting hung stagnant in the room, Tommy not wanting to humour the men more than necessary.

Tommy seated himself at the table, unbuttoning his suit jacket as he did so, exuding class from every fibre of his clothing.

“So, what seems to be the issue?” Tommy ventured, knowing full well why they wanted an audience.

“One of your men attacked one of ours. All we’re asking for is fair recompense,” one man gurgled through his mouthful of whiskey.

Tommy bit his tongue, dying to praise the Irishman for knowing such a long word, but he kept his little joke to himself, lips turned up in a smirk, “And why would I take responsibility for a street brawl I had nothing to do with?” Tommy asked, bored with the conversation.

“There’s only one gang reckless enough to employ stupid little feckers who wave around their razor-tipped hats like they’re trophies. Am I wrong in assuming you take responsibility for those stupid fucks?” The other man drawled, clearly a few more glasses deep than Tommy.

Tommy leaned forward in his seat, taking the bottle of whiskey from in front of the men and pouring himself a glass, having had his fill of them before he’d even sat down.

“Now, listen, gentlemen, you and I both know that my men don’t fight unprovoked. We also know that the Peaky Blinders have previously forgiven you a little misstep when one of your men tried to take another man’s wife against her will. A man on my territory and on my payroll. It wouldn’t take much for me to find out exactly why one of my men attacked yours and dissolve this little peace treaty,” Tommy rasped, his voice dropped low to threaten the men sat across from him.

“We still demand you make this right. We hear you Shelbys are rolling in the money nowadays,” The glint in their eyes told Tommy they were more moronic than he’d first thought. They’d shown their hand far too soon and shown they couldn’t keep up with Tommy’s intellect.

“So money’s what you want, ey?” Tommy smirked. “Tell you what. Here’s the first fucking instalment,” Tommy reached into his breast pocket and pulled out five pounds, throwing it onto the table in front of the men, “That’s nothing to me, as I’m sure you’re aware. Then for the next instalment, you’ll get your fair recompense in the form of a bullet each, right through both your heads.” Tommy makes an exaggerated and obvious gesture of stretching, showing the Irishmen a glimpse of the revolver strapped to his body holster, enjoying the way it made them squirm.

“My men outnumber your men by four to one. If I catch sight of a single one of you in my territory again, your little gang will go extinct. You can keep the five pound, buy your man a nice new white shirt and hope it inspires him to fight better, keep it clean this time round. Go on, fuck off,” Tommy gestures to the door with the cigarette he was in the midst of lighting, following the scared bodies as they scurried away, their metaphorical tails between their legs.

Tommy took a long drag from his cigarette and sighed out the smoke, closing his eyes to bring himself out of the mood those Irish had put him in. He knocked back another shot of whiskey, the satisfying burn distracting him for a brief moment.

Then he heard it. A laugh, high and lilting like birdsong. A laugh he knew too well. He opened his eyes, his immediate thought that he’d drifted off briefly and was dreaming. He strained his ears, searching for the laughter again when it floated into the snug, tempting him out of his seat.

He was opening the door before he even had a chance to tell himself to run the other way. Then his eyes fell upon her. Y/n was like an apparition, the way the last dregs of the afternoon sun filtered through the cloudy windows and bathed her in an ethereal glow, the light daring to touch only her, just like how she appeared to him in dreams. Y/n was stood at the bar, sipping a clear drink and wincing slightly at the taste after every mouthful. Rum, if Tommy remembered her preference correctly. He smiled despite his shock; she still had to force herself to drink it. She was chatting happily to a girl he didn’t know, a girl who was probably good looking when on her own, but who’s appearance was overshadowed in every possible way when placed next to such a beauty.

Despite the three years that had passed between them, Tommy noted that Y/n hadn’t changed too much. Her hair was a little darker, her features had become sharper, the softness of her youth having departed. Tommy couldn’t tear his eyes away from her, so familiar yet so unknown to him. The Y/n that left him was a girl, all wide grins and excitement. The Y/n he saw now had become a woman in her own right, she held her head a little higher, she kept her smiles demure. Tommy’s chest ached a little, he wondered when she changed into the woman who stood at the bar, wondered whether she was forced to leave her youth behind, wondered whether he could’ve protected that innocence if he’d have stayed with her.

Somewhere next to him, some drunkard knocked a glass to the floor, the sound of shattering glass drawing everyone’s eyes. Y/n’s gaze immediately locked with his.

Tommy was rooted to the spot, feeling like the little boy who’d been caught eating sweets just before dinner time. He tried his best to regain control over himself and wandered over to the bar as nonchalantly as possible.

“Thomas,” Y/n greeted simply, Tommy silently thanking her for opening the conversation for him. The way she looked at him felt undressing, her eyes were not unkind but she obviously wasn’t as affected by the meeting as Tommy.

Tommy’s pride was a little wounded by her indifference, he hated that he was so nervous around her when she couldn’t seem more unbothered.

“Y/n,” Tommy replied, “You look good,” Such an understatement seemed like a crime, but he didn’t think he could find the right words to describe how she’d floored him with one look.

“Thank you,” She smiled softly at him, oozing class. Tommy’s legs felt a little unstable as she weakened him with that smile. He cleared his throat to attempt an even tone, “So where have you been?”

The friend she was chatting with whispered something in Y/n’s ear before wandering over to a table, leaving the two alone. She knocked back the rest of her drink and Tommy couldn’t help but follow the way she tipped her head back, eyes trailing her exposed throat as she swallowed. She placed the glass back on the bar silently, “London,” She answered finally.

Tommy supposed that London made the most sense, given Y/n’s drive for adventure, he could see why the big city would attract her. Tommy thought that maybe he should leave it at that, her noncommital answers should have been enough of a clue that she didn’t want to talk, but his entire being was desperate for the encounter not to end so soon.

“So what are you doing back?” Tommy continued when the silence stretched on, distantly remembering the promise she made last time they spoke.

“I’m staying here for a while. For a friend’s wedding,” She clarified.

“I see,” Tommy replied, unsure what to say on the matter.

The silence drew on once again, such an unfamiliar feeling between the two. Tommy remembered the way they used to laugh, how Y/n’s lips were always curled up slightly at the corners, but looking at her solemn face now, he wondered if she had anyone who made her happy like he had.

Tommy was abruptly hit by the emptiness in his chest, the space Y/n left when she was gone having never been filled. He wanted to take her hand and talk about everything like they used to, longed to see her grin like she did three years ago, wanted to mend the heart he’d broken.

“Will you join me in the snug for another drink?” Tommy ventured, watching her eyes intently, hoping he could see the cogs turning in her brain.

She smiled that soft smile again, with a warmth he didn’t deserve, wounding him. She reached out her delicate hand and cupped his cheek, Tommy couldn’t help the way his eyes fluttered closed. He had no idea that he’d missed her touch so greatly. Y/n brushed her thumb across his cheek gently.

“I think you and I both know that that’s a bad idea,” She replied, voice barely above a whisper.

Tommy fought hard to keep the disappointment out of his eyes when he finally brought himself to look at her again. Her hand lingered on his cheek for a moment, and Tommy wanted to run, push her away, fall into her arms all at once.

Y/n’s eyes pierced him, as if searching for something, then she let her hand drop back to her side, “Goodnight, Tommy,” was all she said as she went to rejoin her friend.

Tommy felt winded like she’d punched him. Seeing her again was such a sweet torture, knowing that she’d survived well enough without him should’ve been a welcome thought, but the overwhelming feeling was jealousy and sadness that others got to see her grow up, bitterness that it was his decision to drive her away and yet he wanted her back so badly.

Tommy spent the rest of the evening stewing and drinking, trying hard not to show any expression. All the while his eyes kept drawing to Y/n like a compass needle drawn to the North, eyes studying her face, trying to find his answers there. Not once did she look back at him. He deserved her ignorance.

Tommy suddenly felt like he’d over stayed his welcome in his own pub, so he drained his whiskey and left. The icy rain lashed the gravel streets on his way home. Numbing his face, not quite numbing his heart.

~~~

Y/n walked home alone from the Garrison that night, grateful that the rain had ceased, yet wishing there was something to distract her from thoughts of Tommy. Sadness weighed heavily on her chest as she thought of what could’ve been between them by now. Marriage? A family? Every time she blinked, she saw blue eyes staring back at her. Small Heath invaded every one of her senses, the familiar smell of coal fire burning her lungs, distant shouting and car engines settling in her ears; they were odd things to be comforted by.

She finally arrived at the lodging house she was staying at and let herself into her room, the sudden silence oppressive. With nothing else to occupy her mind, she let out the shuddering breath she’d been holding all night, and with it, her tears fell freely down to her feet, the dam holding them back ultimately giving up. Y/n had stuck the pieces of her heart back together as best she could over the years, but all it took was one meeting with him to shatter it once again. Her ribs ached with the force of her sorrow, as if the shards of her heart were piercing her skin from the inside. She fell to her knees on the creaky wooden floor and clutched her arms around herself, sobbing like a child.

When she had received the invitation to the wedding, her immediate reaction was the throw it away, knowing that returning to Small Heath was a poor decision, knowing she shouldn’t even entertain the notion. But Y/n was tempted already, she found herself daydreaming about the town that had once been her home, imagining what it would be like to return. She accepted the invitation, writing a letter to her friend informing her she would come. Y/n pretended to herself that she was only going because she wanted to support her friend, wanted to witness her marriage. But she knew her reasons were selfish in reality. She craved to see Tommy like he was an addiction, so she’d packed all of her things and was on the next available train home.

When Y/n saw him at the Garrison tonight she didn’t quite know what to do. There was a cruel part of her that reared its head, telling her to be cold, give him a taste of his own medicine. But she found it wasn’t hard to be distant from him, her heart closed its doors as soon as he started towards her, reminded of the pain he’d caused.

Her entire reason for even going to the Garrison tonight was the hope that she’d see him, but when she finally did, all she hoped was that he’d feel a fraction of the misery he’d created in her, hoped that he regretted everything he’d done. The anger was a new emotion for Y/n, she’d spent night after night crying over her lost love, yet facing him now, she only felt a quiet rage simmering in the pit of her stomach.

Y/n climbed to her feet, feeling a little unsteady, from the alcohol or the night’s revelations she did not know, and peered out of her window. The glass was grimy with dust and soot, the town slept below her. The sky was an inky blue, never really turning pitch black during the summer, a permanent blanket of mist completely covered the stars. Her home hadn’t changed at all, but she couldn’t help but feel as if she had changed too much. She itched to run away from it all, return to London and pretend this had never happened, forget everything that once tied her to Small Heath. However, those ties were knotted around her every limb so tightly that no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get free, she couldn’t pretend that she had no feelings for Tommy anymore. He pulled her toward him like a string linked them and he was tugging, she feared that soon he’d pull her under if she let him.

Exhausted by the constant battle between her head and her heart, she fell into her tiny bed, head aching. Y/n fell asleep that night with tear-stained cheeks, she dreamt of blue eyes and rough hands.

~~~

The next morning, Y/n awoke fairly early as she’d forgotten to close the curtains last night and the morning sunlight was shining directly into her eyes. She groaned and checked the clock on her bedside table, it read 7:15am. Y/n decided against wallowing in her bed today and instead went to her cupboards to look for breakfast. She was wholly disappointed when she discovered the cupboards were empty save for some preserves, her stomach growled at the promise of food. So she pulled on a simple cream dress and black lace up boots and headed out into town to find something to eat.

There was something about walking the streets of Small Heath that felt so routine even after all these years, Y/n knew every pothole, every turn, near enough every face she passed. She didn’t realise how close she had strayed towards the betting shop until she saw the unmistakable heavy moustache upon Arther Shelby’s face. Panicked, she turned her head away from him, fully aware of his lack of tact, knowing he’d be asking all about her and Tommy if he saw her.

Safely away from being cornered by any Shelbys, the bakery just down the road from the BSA Factory caught her eye, if the display of various fresh breads and pastries hadn’t convinced her, she was thoroughly tempted in by the sweet smell emanating from the building.

Upon entering, she was hit by the noise of the shop, bakers slamming oven doors in the back, cashiers chatting to customers, so Y/n was confused when all the noise suddenly ceased. She looked around searchingly until her eyes found Tommy stood in the doorway, looking every bit the royalty of Small Heath.

He was dressed in his usual three piece suit, tailored to perfection, and it was only now Y/n realised how much he’d grown since she last saw him. His shoulders were broad and muscles thicker, he’d become every bit the man she always thought he would be. He seemed now to tower over her, even though they were still of a similar height. She tried to tamp down the heat rising to her cheeks as she took in his appearance, chiding herself for still being so attracted to him.

“Mr Shelby!” Cried the owner of the place, “So good to see you in here,” the owner nodded his head so low it looked like he was bowing. Y/n nearly laughed, a little twinge of pride swelled at just how much Tommy had made of himself while she was gone.

Tommy just nodded dismissively, his eyes never leaving Y/n. She watched as the rest of the customers shuffled out one by one, all either rightly scared of Tommy or simply having other places to be.

The way Tommy’s eyes raked over Y/n’s body made her feel self conscious, suddenly overly aware of her plain outfit and the fact that her hair was hanging down past her shoulders and not pinned back like usual. She felt irritated that she evidently still cared what he thought of her. Y/n suspected that he’d followed her in here just for the purpose of seeing her again, why? She couldn’t figure it out, but the casual way he stood, hands in his trouser pockets, not speaking, was starting to annoy her. Y/n could only think he was enjoying the effect this little game of his was having.

“What are you doing here?” She accused, like this wasn’t a place open to the general public.

Tommy smirked a little, seemingly amused, it just incensed Y/n that much more, “Just buying some breakfast, same as you,” He replied, warm voice heating her body more than the blaze from the ovens.

She couldn’t let herself be at his mercy, that one sentence sending a flush to her cheeks she could only pray he didn’t see, it wouldn’t do his ego any good. Despite his answer, he still hadn’t moved from his place, apparently content to just watch Y/n.

“Good morning, Thomas,” She bid him like it was a goodbye as she slipped past him at the door, doing her very best not to shudder as she brushed against him, the notion of breakfast flying to the back of her mind.

Y/n’s suspicion that he’d come to the bakery just for her was confirmed when Tommy followed her straight out of the shop without buying anything, despite his disclosure that he would.

Y/n turned to Tommy and met his eyes with all the courage she could muster, “Tommy, will you please just let me get through this stay in peace?” She pleaded, suddenly tired again even though she had only recently woken.

His eyes softened then, and they reminded Y/n so much of the way he used to look at her that she wanted to cry. Tommy reached out and took her hand before she could think to move away and it felt so right that it stole the air from her lungs. His hand was a little rougher than she remembered, a few more callouses rubbing like sand paper against her smaller hand, but it held the same warmth and the same delicate touch that seemed to juxtapose Tommy’s hard nature.

Her eyes widened as he started to speak to her again, she couldn’t focus on his voice over the sound of her blood rushing in her ears, “If you tell me to leave you alone, I will,” is all she heard him say.

She fought every one of her instincts as she pulled her hand out of his, heart aching a little at the loss, a tear she didn’t know had formed escaping her eye when she turned away. It would be so easy to tell him to leave, to save herself all this hurt, but Y/n knew she couldn’t honestly say that was what she wanted.

Even though it pained her to be near him after everything that happened, she was still in love with him, both sides of her feelings constantly warring with each other. She found that her head fell silent when he spoke to her.

Confused and perturbed by what she really wanted, Y/n walked away from him, fighting to keep her pace even. She expected Tommy to follow after her, didn’t know if she was disappointed when he didn’t.

~~~

Today was the day before the wedding and Y/n had only just got round to trying on the dress she’d brought for the occasion. It was a classy blush pink gown, hemmed just below the knees, cut low enough to expose her chest but still modest enough to leave something to the imagination. She slipped the fine fabric over her head, internally praying that it would fit, though she didn’t know what she would do even if it didn’t.

Blessedly, the dress fit. It was tight in all the right places, showing off her attractive curves, but it was just loose enough that the fabric fanned out behind her when she twirled. Y/n thumbed the delicate lace that covered her shoulders and allowed herself a small smile, she thought that maybe she could have fun tomorrow.

No sooner than the thought had settled into her mind, there was an insistent knock at her door. Y/n hurried over and peered through her peep hole, she cursed at the ceiling as she recognised Tommy Shelby tapping his foot impatiently, flicking his spent cigarette to the floor after his last long pull. She felt a little unsteady as she watched him stand there, eyes trained on his lips, the fluttering feeling she always used to get around him making an unwelcome appearance in her stomach.

Y/n considered pretending like she wasn’t there for a moment, staying silent as she mulled over her options. But she knew that Tommy wouldn’t have come if he didn’t know for certain that she was there, and he would absolutely do something stupid like break the door down just to get his way if she didn’t answer.

“How did you know I was here?” Y/n demanded as soon as she opened the door, immediately cutting Tommy off from whatever he wanted to say first.

“Not important,” Tommy replied coolly, and his voice was so smooth and warm like honey, the look in his eyes just as impossibly sweet that Y/n kind of wanted to punch him in the face so she wouldn’t have to see it.

“What do you want?” Y/n asked, turning away and fighting to keep in control as she found herself inexplicably hypnotised by Tommy’s being.

“You look beautiful,” Tommy avoided the question.

Y/n’s head spun a little as she watched Tommy watching her, she felt he had no permission to be looking at her the way he was, hungrily. She felt that the girl reflected in his eyes looked nothing like her. The history between the two simmered in the heat of his gaze as she tried to recall a time he’d wanted her so obviously as he did now.

She was dizzied by the sudden change in her relationship with Tommy. Just mere days ago they were no better than perfect strangers, and now the past she shared with Tommy had come back and hit her with the full force of a steam engine, now he was standing in her room, staring at her as if he hadn’t broken her heart. She felt like she’d been pushed and pulled every way Tommy wanted her to go, like he was a child and she was his rag doll. The worst thing was that she kept letting him.

“What do you want?” Y/n repeated, an unmistakable waver in her voice.

“I want to know if you’re ok,” He replied simply.

Tommy’s eyes softened almost imperceptibly, revealing the fine wrinkles at the corners. Y/n noted that there were a few more lines there than when she last saw him three years ago. She assumed he’d laughed a lot since she left. She didn’t know why her mouth tasted so sour at the thought.

“Are you joking?” She asked incredulously, laughing without humour.

She wondered then something that everyone wondered about Tommy; did he really have no conscience?

Did he really care about her so little that he didn’t notice how broken she was when she left? Did he really think they could just continue as if nothing had passed between them?

Y/n was silent for a long time, her hands shaking with silent anger, her face seething with heat when Tommy spoke up again.

“Seeing you around here has shown me just how dark my life is without you to brighten it up. I know I’ve no right to ask you to stay here but… I just really want to know if you’re truly ok living away from home. Away from me,”

Y/n had kept all the despair about hers and Tommy’s relationship trapped inside for the past three years. She pushed it further and further inward until it started filling her bones, weighing her down with every step further away from him she took. Now, as she watched his eyes softly gaze back at her, all of it rose to the very pinnacle, boiling over like an unwatched pot.

Barbed words were spilling from Y/n’s lips before she could stop herself, “No! I’m not fucking ok, Tommy. Is that what you want to hear? You want to hear that you shattered my heart, Thomas Shelby? You told me I wasn’t good enough. I - I wasn’t good enough for you.” Y/n finished her tirade with a broken whisper, she had started to cry somewhere in the middle of her sentence, not daring to look Tommy in the eyes, afraid of his pity. “You ruined me for everyone. I haven’t been with anyone else since I left because I gave every last shred of the love I had in my heart to you! Everything I did was for you. And you wasted all of it. So, no, I’m not ok.” Y/n breathed heavily, surprised a little fire wasn’t coming out of her nose by how her words had burned even her.

She heard the old floorboards creak and looked up to see Tommy crossing the room in two long strides, standing face to face with Y/n. His fingers twitched like he wanted to reach out, Y/n knew that if he did, she would crumble.

“So come back. For good. I know I hurt you and I- I’m sorry,” Tommy whispered, looking at her like she was the one who kept the world spinning. Y/n was sure Tommy had never apologised to anyone, so no one could blame her if she didn’t quite believe it.

They stood there for a moment, locked in each others eyes, each one searching for an answer, searching for a way back to their forgotten love. Y/n is so helplessly pulled in by the man in front of her, so inexplicably attracted to everything he did; she thought if they stayed like this any longer that she would just cave in, the part of her heart she gave to him still beating strongly in her chest. Her mouth quivered with unspoken words as she remembered the pain of Tommy’s betrayal seared into her skin, begging her not to let him back in.

“You’re sorry,” she bit back more tears, “Well, you don’t get to ask me to stay. You don’t get to toy with me like this. Are you enjoying this? You push me as far away from you as possible just to pull me back when you decide you want me again! And now you want me, what, because your ego is hurt by the idea that I could’ve possibly moved on? God knows, I’ve tried but you lurk around every corner of my life, waiting in the silence to remind me of what I thought I had. It hurts me every fucking day that I really thought you loved me too,” An ugly part of Y/n hoped every word was painful for Tommy, hoped they were like a poison, rooted in his brain, that they would stay there and remind him every day of what he’d done.

“I forgave you so long ago, so why are you trying to bring it all up again?” All the words that had been imprisoned inside her chest had escaped, she felt a little bereft without them. A new emptiness spread inside Y/n, making her feel faint with the weightlessness as she clung onto her night stand.

“Because I love you,” the world stopped.

Those words, spoken so gently, struck her with such force that for a minute, Y/n thought she’d been shot. Agony bloomed beneath her ribs and her fingers flew up to her chest to touch, she was confused when her fingers came away with no blood.

“No, you don’t, you’re only saying it because you think it will absolve you,” She replied, refusing to let the door to her heart swing open, no matter how hard Tommy was kicking it, “If you loved me, you would’ve fought for us back then. You let me go like it was so easy,”

“I do, I love you,” Tommy said, words coming out shaky, breath uneven, “I just couldn’t bear to see you hurt because of me,”

Even after everything he’d done, Tommy failed to see the irony in those words , “Hurt?” Y/n asked disbelievingly, “You killed me the day you wouldn’t say you loved me. Don’t think your confession will revive me now.” The words hung like lead in the air, neither one wanting to take their weight.

“Y/n-” Tommy began, a glint of something unfamiliar in his bright blue eyes.

“I want you to leave,” Y/n cut him off, Tommy’s every word reopened her countless scars, but now the pain was unbearable. He tried to touch her, but she recoiled so harshly that Tommy backed away, “Please.”

Tommy looked so conflicted, a million ideas spinning through his head, so quickly they seemed to flash across his eyes. Ultimately, he heeded Y/n’s words and slipped out silently, leaving her alone once again.

~~~

Today was Y/n’s final day in her hometown. She thought back to the wedding as she folded away her dress, placing it on top of all her other packing so as not to spoil it. She sat through the entire ceremony with her mind entirely elsewhere, she felt a little guilty about it now but she hadn’t listened to a word of the vows. She would like to pretend that she wasn’t jealous, but as she watched the newlyweds kiss tenderly to rapturous applause, she felt a bitter pang in her stomach. As a teenager, she dreamed of that fate for herself, a pure white dress, fresh flowers in her hands, Tommy waiting for her at the end of the aisle. Y/n had felt tears pricking behind her eyes as she watched the couple exit the church, hand in hand, she tried so hard to feel happy for them.

Y/n closed her small trunk with a click and sat down on the edge of her bed, exhausted. She fumbled for the train ticket in her purse, a return ticket to London. She folded it safely away in her pocket and stood, wandering over to her window. She looked out onto the street below her, the summer sun cracking the cover of mist today, casting polka dot shadows on the cobbles.

Here in Small Heath, the houses were little and charming, warmth seeping out of every window you passed. The streets were never quiet during the day, always bustling with the community of a working class town.

Y/n sighed then as she thought about what waited for her in London. Row upon row of oppressively looming buildings, making her feel even smaller in a city so big. She was surrounded by thousands of people on the streets, yet she’d never felt so alone. Every day was the same, get up, go to work, come home. Y/n tried to be happy with it, she really did, but returning to Small Heath had ruined the pretence. It was like she’d left her heart here, and now that she was back, the beat was even stronger, refusing to let itself be buried again.

Y/n knew though that her love of her hometown wasn’t the only reason she was hesitating to leave for the train station. Her heart rate quickened as Tommy appeared in her mind, if she breathed in deep enough she swore she could still smell him in the room - his cologne, the Irish whiskey, the specific brand of cigarettes he always smoked. Her legs felt weak as she took it all in. Y/n struggled then to remember how she’d found the strength to walk away from this place those three years ago, to walk away from Tommy. Her resolve now was so weak that she prayed she could find that strength again today.

Y/n shut the curtains, blocking the view of the street below, wishing so desperately it was just as easy to shut out her memories of this place. As her hand touched the door handle, she couldn’t shake the feeling that if she left now, she’d regret it forever.

Her departure time drew nearer and nearer, so she closed her eyes and pulled the door open, holding her breath.

“Please don’t go,” the sound of his raspy voice made her eyes fly open, she pinched herself subtly to make sure he wasn’t a hallucination.

There he was, Tommy stood tall in front of her doorway, hair flopping over the sides of his head and chest heaving like he’d run all the way here. Tommy reached out one large hand and gripped Y/n’s arm, his fingers almost circling all the way around it. He clutched her as if he was afraid she was going to disappear.

Y/n dropped her case then, forgetting everything else as she searched his gentle eyes, only barely remembering to continue breathing. She could push past him, she could run away again into the arms of a city that didn’t care about her, or she could fall into Tommy and pray this time he’d catch her. But she knew her decision was made as soon as he spoke.

Y/n stepped backwards slightly, allowing Tommy entrance into the room. He pushed a hand through his mussed hair, peaked cap nowhere to be seen. Neither of them spoke for a minute, and Y/n wondered if it was a mistake to let him in, the possibility of her escape becoming slimmer and slimmer as time ticked on.

Tommy sat down on the bed and inhaled a steadying breath, “I meant what I said the other day,” he said, quietly as if admitting a secret.

“I know,” Y/n replied, and the confusion that overtook Tommy’s face almost made her laugh, his eyebrows quirked, lips slightly parted, “I said all those things yesterday because I’m terrified of letting you in again. I’m scared that I’ll let you hold my heart and you’ll crush it again. I’ve waited so incredibly long to hear you say those words that when you said them so easily yesterday, all the pain came straight back.”

Guilt was written all over Tommy’s face, pooled in the ocean of his eyes, colouring his slightly flushed cheeks, “I was just so terrified I’d put you in danger, couldn’t live with myself if you were hurt, so I hurt you myself, told myself I wasn’t worth your love anyway, you’d get over me. I thought it was for the best,” He admitted, palm rubbing into the socket of his eye when it began to glisten with tears.

Y/n went over to the bed, sitting slowly and gently the way one would approach a skittish horse, she put a tentative hand on his thigh, tension buzzing beneath her skin where she touched him. “When did you know you loved me?” she asked quietly.

Tommy looked up at her then and shifted so that they were closer, legs pressed together. Y/n fought not to blush like a teenager, the touch so intimate after all this time.

“About a month before I left for France,” Tommy began, and Y/n didn’t miss the flicker in his eyes when he spoke, “You were out in the garden with Finn. He’d just learned to toddle about and got a bit too confident, fell and skinned his knee,” Tommy didn’t fight the smile that rose to his lips, “And when he cried, you went running and you held him like he was your own brother, you got him to calm down better than anyone else could have. You held him and fussed him until he laughed again. You didn’t know there was anyone watching you, you just did it because you loved him,”

Y/n felt breathless as Tommy told his story, she didn’t know whether to be furious or thrilled that he’d loved her such a long time, “That’s when I knew your name was forever branded on my heart, Y/n. I knew that I could never see you hurt because I couldn’t protect you from my world.”

At some point while Tommy spoke, their faces inched closer together until their noses were almost bumping. He finished his confession in a whisper, his unmissable blue eyes flickering between Y/n’s own gaze and her lips, exposing his desires blatantly.

“You’re an idiot, Thomas Shelby,” Y/n breathed before Tommy leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.

The kiss was exciting yet comfortable, like a knew book from her favourite author; the writing familiar but the content all new. One of Tommy’s hands came up to rest on the back of Y/n’s neck, fingers weaving into the strands of hair there, sending a delightful shiver down her body. His other hand cupped her cheek, pulling at her bottom lip so he could take it into his mouth. Tommy broke away briefly, only to breathe, before he leaned in again, kissing Y/n torturously slow, learning ever crevice of her lips once more.

They finally broke apart, Y/n didn’t know how long later, she couldn’t control the whine from the back of her throat when they did. Tommy looked amused, maybe a little proud of himself and Y/n rolled her eyes at him. Tommy’s hands still cradled her head like something precious, their lips still tantalisingly close.

“I really don’t want to go back to London,” Y/n confessed against Tommy’s mouth, tiny sparks zapping every time their lips touched.

“Please don’t go back,” Tommy all but begged, stroking Y/n’s cheek with a calloused thumb.

She closed her eyes at the feeling, every fibre of her being giving up to him in that moment, “Tell me you love me and I’ll stay,” She said finally, her words so similar to those she’d broken her own heart with three years ago.

“I love you,” Tommy avowed as he kissed Y/n with a dizzying passion, his lips devouring hers as they told each other all the things words couldn’t say. Y/n’s hands found purchase on Tommy’s chest, feeling the rapid flutter of his heart behind his ribs, telling her he really did feel the same.

“Stay with me,” Tommy whispered, each word punctuated by a kiss, the two lovers unable to stop touching as if a magnet permanently held them together.

Y/n nodded, unable to speak as she felt Tommy’s fingers brush against her neck, against the exposed skin on her chest, goosebumps raising on her skin as she fought not to tremble.

All of her nerves were alight, the pieces of her heart coming back together as she kissed the man she’d loved for years; no big city could replace their small town love. London faded into nothing as she felt his tongue lick at her lower lip, her train long since missed as Tommy pressed his kisses deeper.

Y/n broke away just to look at Tommy again, his lips were plump, reddened by his ministrations, his eyes were fogged over with adoration, his hands still clung to Y/n anywhere they could hang on. She smiled one of those blinding grins she only ever saved for Tommy.

“I’ll stay,” Y/n promised.

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