#and in the end he is berated for his wrongs but also told that he doesn't have to continue down that path. did you miss the critique | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

talkdutchtome · 1 month

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"Let me take care of you" - Max Verstappen

pairing . . . max verstappen x reader )

genre . . . smut )

summary . . . after a disastrous race, you take care of max the best way you know how )

warning . . . smut, 18+ MINORS DNI, oral (m receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, nipple play, use of petnames, sub!max, very soft dom!reader, traumatized maxie, not proofread )

word count . . . 2800 words )

a/n . . . this actually ended up a lot more emotional than i intended it to be but i hope everyone likes it anyway. i don't know if my smut writing is getting better or worse tbh. any and all feedback is always appricated <3 )

Max was a perfectionist; anyone could see that. He also had a desire to win like nobody else. He never let up. It didn’t matter to him if it was a title deciding race or a completely meaningless one, he needed to win. It had been instilled in him for as long as he could remember; second place is first loser after all. So naturally, when his brakes failed, and his car very literally caught fire in the Australian Grand Prix causing him to have to retire three laps into the race; you knew he was not going to take it well.

You were watching along in the garage, and the only thing you could think about as his smoking car pulled up to the pits was how hard on himself he was going to be. The fact that it was through no fault of his own was irrelevant. He had just handed a win to Ferrari, and that made his blood boil.

In typical Max fashion, you barely saw him after he retired too. He gave you a quick hug as he reached the garage but after that it was straight back to business. He made his way to the pit wall and immediately began discussing with Christian and GP what exactly happened and how do they fix it for Japan. He sent you a text that he was going to stay late at the track with the mechanics so that you should just head back to the hotel.

Truthfully, Max was avoiding you. You had only been dating Max for a couple of months, and so far you had only seen him dominate on track. And whilst you were concerned that that he would be beating himself up for disappointing himself or the team, he was busy focusing on how he had disappointed you. You had taken time out of your busy university schedule to travel to the other side of the world to see him race, and he had to retire three laps in. He was used to people living through him, taking his wins as theirs. He had never considered that all you cared about that he was safe and didn’t get hurt.

So, you went to the hotel and waited for him; or at least you tried to. Tiredness and jet lag eventually started to catch up to you, and you had just started to drift off to sleep when you heard the door open. Looking up greet Max, you could see immediately how heavy the weight he bore on his shoulders hung.

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?” You asked him sleep in your voice still evident. Max just hung his head and walked into the bathroom. He half expected you to berate him. To question him on exactly what went wrong and what he’s going to do to fix it.

“Maxie?” You asked again, as he came in from the bathroom and made his way to his side of the bed, his eyes routed to the floor. This time he just grunted at you in response before getting into bed and turning away from you. He did not have the energy to be told everything he did wrong and why - he had already had that from his dad.

“Please talk to me Maxie, I’m worried.” You pleaded at him, fighting the urge to wrap your arms around him. You wanted that more than anything, but you sensed that he maybe didn’t feel the same.

“What do you want Y/N?” He finally spoke, his voice cracking.

“Are you okay? I know that was tough result to take but it’s only once race. We both know you’ll be back better than ever for the next one.”

To your words, Max just grunted again. And this time you couldn’t help but reach over to hold him. Wrapping one of your arms around his waist and the other coming up to brush through his hair. You waited cautiously for him to pull away. A moment passed and he began to move, your heart sank; he clearly didn’t want to be anywhere near you right now. But instead of moving away, he just turned around, bringing himself closer to you, resting his head on your chest.

“I just hate to let the team down” he spoke, his voice no more than a whisper, like he wasn’t 100% convinced if he should be saying anything.

“But baby you didn’t let them down, you did nothing wrong. There was an issue with the car that isn’t your fault.” You gazed down at his face, your hands smoothing through his hair.

“I could have done something. Maybe I pushed the brakes too much. Maybe I went too hard. All I know is that I let the team down. I let my dad down. I let you down. You cam-“ He started to ramble, but you had heard enough.

“Whoa Max baby slow down. I can’t speak for the team or your dad, but you certainly did not let me down. All that matters to me is that you didn’t get hurt. I was so worried; you were literally driving a car that was on fire. You could have been hurt.”

As the words left your mouth, he looked up at you. Almost as if he was trying to see if you were telling the truth. When his eyes met yours and he realized you were being sincere, he hugged tighter into you.

“I love you Y/N” he spoke and before you could say anything, you felt him bring his mouth to your neck. Leaving hot open-mouthed kisses from your collarbone up to until he met your mouth. His lips crashed against yours. The kiss was hungry and desperate. His hands found your hair and his teeth nipped at your lips. He quickly found himself getting lost in you and you weren’t too far behind. But when his hands wandered towards the bottom of your pajama top, you had to pull away.

“Wait, Maxie. Are you sure you want to do this? You’ve had a rough day, are you sure you want to do this. We could just go to sleep if you’d prefer.” You didn’t want him to feel like this was something he needed to do.

But when his lips once again found your neck, it was clear you had your answer. “Please” he mumbled against your skin “I just want to forget” between each word he left a kiss on your neck, before beginning to nibble against that one spot on your neck that he knew always sent you completely insane. He left deep purple marks all down your neck and you couldn’t help but let a moan slip through your lips.

You were about to completely cave into his touch before you had an idea, and before you could overthink whether it was a good idea, you swung your legs over him until you had him pinned underneath you, your legs either side of his. A smirk plastered across your face

Max looked completely taken aback at your action, but the second you leant down to kiss him, your lips just slightly brushing against his; he was starstruck and could feel himself growing harder by the second, which only deepened your smirk.

“Let me take care of you baby” you whispered in his ear before beginning to grind your core against him. The whimper that left Max’s lips took you both by surprise but, taking that as confirmation that he wanted you to take control; you attached your lips to his neck, trailing kisses down his chest until you reached the waistband of his underwear. It was clear from the way that his hard dick strained against the cloth that Max was enjoying this new side of you, and you could be lying if you said it didn’t give you a bit of a confidence boost.

You started to tease him, placing warm kisses over his underwear, but when you hear him try and fail to beg you to touch him, it becomes clear that maybe today isn’t the day to tease him. So, you hook your fingers around his waistband and release him from the tight confines of the cloth. Immediately, your mouth found his cock, your lips wrapping around his tip. Max’s moans filled the air as he came apart like putty in your hands. The way that your tongue swirled around him made him go crazy. He reached out his hands to grab your hair in a makeshift pony, but you dodged him. Max honestly thought he was going to cry when you took your mouth off him.

“No baby, I told you I was going to take care of you, you just sit back and let me do everything” you told him before quickly placing a kiss on his lips before reattaching your mouth to Max’s throbbing dick and bringing your hand to the part of it that you couldn’t fit in your mouth. Max felt lightheaded; it’s not like you hadn’t given him a blowjob before, but never like this. He couldn’t ever remember being this turned on before. He had never even considered letting you take control, letting you take care of him so intently before; but now that he was experiencing it – he kicked himself for waiting so long.

The sounds coming from your boyfriend were music to your ears and only encouraged you to make him feel better and better. You could feel yourself getting wetter, completely desperate to feel him inside of you; but today was about Max, you’d happily wait longer for your own pleasure to take care of him. You began taking him deeper and deeper into your throat, earning more moans from Max. You had never heard him be so vocal before. Things got even better for him when you hallowed your cheeks and brought your hand up to his balls, massaging them in your hands as you worked his dick in your mouth. When his tip hit the very back of your throat and you gagged around him, he was so loud you were just slightly concerned that whoever was in the room next door would be up for a rude awakening.

“Oh, fuck baby, oh my god. I’m so close” Max just about managed to get out between moans, promoting you to once again let go of his dick. For a second Max looked at you with puppy dog eyes, silently begging you to take him back in your mouth. But as soon as you stood up and very slowly pulled your pajama shorts down, he realized that there were better things to come.

“Do you want me to ride you, Maxie?” you asked him breathlessly earning another groan from the man lying on the bed.

“Fuck, yes. Please please ride me I need to be inside of you more than anything” Max’s voice was weak; it was becoming all too much for him. And when you finally rid yourself of your pajama top, Max started to see stars. Your tits were his weakness, and you knew that all too well. All he wanted was to take them in his mouth, to suck and bite on your nipples. So, when you straddled him once again, that's exactly what he did. You thought about stopping him again, reminding him that tonight was about him and his pleasure; but when you caught sight of his eyes – usually so bright and sparkling. Now they were so dark, so filled with lust and desperation, you didn’t have the heart to deprive him of one of his favorite things to do.

You leant down to kiss him again, and the taste of his own precum on your tongue made him groan feverishly against your lips. Unable to wait anymore, you finally lowered yourself onto his dick. Now it was your turn to let out a string of moans and profanity. The way that he stretched you out was a feeling that you could never grow old of. After a beat to get used to having him inside of you, you began to bounce on top of him, pumping his dick in and out of your tight desperate pussy.

“Oh my god Maxie you feel so good, your huge dick sends me so crazy” You moan out, completely cock drunk. “You fuck me so good, god nobody makes me feel like you can” Your praise made Max moan louder than ever and then he simply couldn’t help himself anymore; he brought his hands up to your hips and began thrusting hard into you. You wanted to tell him to stop, to tell him to let you take care of him – but when he rammed his cock into g-spot you physically couldn’t ask him to stop doing something that felt so good.

“I love you so much Y/N baby” Max croaked out, bringing his mouth back to your tits and his hand down to your clit. Him touching you for the first time tonight meant it was now time for you to see stars. His expert hands rubbing against your clit brought you closer and closer to release and you could tell from the way that Max’s thrusts became deeper and harder that he wasn’t far behind you.

Wanting to finish what you had started; you placed your hands on his chest – signaling him to stop for a second. Max did so very reluctantly, but when you started to bounce on his dick again his eyes rolled back into his head. After each bounce you grinded yourself down on him, desperate to get him as deep as you possibly could. Your climax was getting closer and closer and soon you felt like you were ready to burst.

“I’m going to cum on your dick okay baby? You just make me feel so good I can’t help myself.” you told the man beneath you breathlessly, prompting Max to resume rubbing circles into your clit.

“Please do. Please cum all over my cock I need that so much” Max croaked out and with that you fell over the edge. A wave of pleasure washed over you and you screamed out for Max. It felt so good you thought you were going to pass out, completely taken over by the pleasure that Max’s hard dick had given you. For a few moments, you simply had to still yourself to let yourself recover.

Once you had ridden out the last of your orgasm, you were ready to go again; ready to make Max feel as good as you possibly could. You began grinding down onto him, squeezing yourself against him. After feeling you cumming all over him, Max knew he wouldn’t need long before he was right behind you.

“Fuck Y/N I’m really close, get off and I’ll finish in your mouth” Max just about got out between moans. When you didn’t get off and instead began bouncing faster and harder, Max really thought he might just die.

“Cum inside of me Maxie please, I need your cum fucked so deep inside me”

“Fuck really?”

“Yeah, i need it so bad.”

“Oh my god Y/N, you’ll be the fucking death of me”

The second those words left his mouth, he fell apart. A string of profanity left his lips, and you could feel his dick pulse inside of you as he painted the insides of you white with his cum. Max couldn’t believe how good it felt, sex with you was always great but that was on another level, he couldn’t remember ever feeling that good before.

“I love you so much Y/N”

He gently slipped himself out of you and you collapsed next to him on the bed. Exhausted wasn’t the word for how tired you felt after that. And apparently that was true for Max as well as in the time that it took you to waddle to the toilet to clean yourself up, he had managed to fall asleep. You couldn’t blame him of course; even before that it had been a very long tiering day for him. So, as quietly as you could, you got ready for bed and slipped yourself into bed next to him.

Looking at the very peaceful sleeping man next to you, you couldn’t help but snuggle down close to him. Placing a kiss on his temple before assuming the big spoon position that you know he loves so much from you. Your movement causing him to ever so slightly stir awake.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me” he spoke so softly you almost missed it before falling right back into a very peaceful sleep. You couldn’t help but feel so lucky to have a man like him cuddled close to you.

“Sleep well Maxie, I love you more than anything.”

#f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #formula 1 #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen #max verstappen x y/n #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 x you #formula one x reader #f1 imagine #max verstappen smut #max verstappen x oc #f1 smut #formula one smut #formula 1 smut

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currently-evil · 1 year

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Yeah sure we know how Neil is with reporters (bloody brilliant that's how he is) but How about Andrew? How does he act in front of the camera?

My personal headcannon is that he will do ANYTHING not to talk about Exy, especially as a Proffesional Exy player.

And I imagine him going through phases, testing how much he can do, before his PR Agent snaps and tries to kill him.

First time he is chosen to talk to reporters at the end of the game... he just keeps silent. Stare at all people with dead bored eyes, until they give up and ask somebody else.

Yeah, no, that can't be. His PR Agent immediately tells him you have to, HAVE TO talk to the reporters, Andrew.

Very well, Andrew can talk to them.

Next time he answers all of their questions.... in german.

Ok, I see what you are doing here, I see. But no, stop that. In English Andrew, answer in English.

No problem. So Andrew of course answers questions in English, by convincing every reporter that he is Aaron (and also implying that they are incompetent by catching the wrong brother.)

Andrew can tell his PR agent is a step away from nervous breakdown when he gets a berating letter from her the next day. (He blocked her everywhere out of spite.) This time he even got a list that said You can't keep silent with reporters, you can't answer them in another language and you can't claim you are Aaron, you have to talk about exy.

And honestly all that can be arranged.

So next time he talk with reporters, even in english! and don't claim to be Aron single time... instead he tells them he really doesn't know anything about exy.

You see the thing with Andrew is that he has this energy, this posture, this quiet self confidence that makes it really hard to realize if he is lying or not.

Just picture room full of sports journalists staring at Andrew unsure, quietly looking at each other trying to judge what is really going on.

"You dont know anything about exy?"

"nope"

"None of the rules?"

"Nothing"

"But...but you play professionally!"

"I was told I have to keep the ball out of the goal, I don't know anything else."

"You ... you trained with Kevin Day! Son of the exy! How is it possible??"

"Kevin also told me to keep the ball out of the goal."

Needless to say it's one of the funniest after game interviews to exist and the moment Andrew's agent starts looking for another job.

#Neil Josten #Neil Abram Josten #Andrew Minyard #Andrew Joseph Minyard #andreil #All for the game #Foxhole court #the foxhole court #aftg #aftg andreil #aftg headcanon

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secret-sturniolo · 15 days

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i love you more - chris sturniolo

based on this request - hi! i saw that u we’re taking requests, so what about chris x reader smut. maybe reader has a bad day and just needs a little extra love, so she goes to chris for comfort and it’s a gentle sex type thing? possibly w a daddy kink, but only if you’re comfortable with that

warnings - smut, (don't like, don't read), slight daddy kink, soft sex, p in v, unprotected sex (be safe please)

a/n - reupload :)

I fought back the tears in my eyes as I got into my car after a long day at work. I had been berated not once, but twice by customers over something that not only wasn't my fault, but also out of my control. Normally, I could take a little negativity from people, but today I was overtired and emotional and all the patience I had flew out the window. The icing on the cake was that my boss also blamed me for making the customers upset, so I was yelled at for a third time that day. By the end of my shift, all I could think about was my boyfriend Chris waiting for me at home. I knew it wasn't good to drive when you are crying, so I held everything in until I got back to the triplets house. I just wanted to be wrapped in Chris's arms.

I pulled into the driveway and opened the front door, where Chris was waiting for me on the couch. He jumped up when he saw me, and I burst into tears.

"Oh baby, what's wrong?" he asked me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

Through tears, I had told him everything that had happened to me today.

"I just want you, Chris." I mumbled into his chest.

"Yeah?" he asked me, pulling back and tilting my head up towards him.

Without a word, I pressed my lips against his, our tongues immediately fighting for dominance. After a while, Chris pulls away.

"Matt and Nick won't be back for a while. You wanna take this to my room, let me show you how much I love you?" he says, looking into my eyes.

"Please."

He grabs my hand and pulls me with him as we walk down the stairs to his bedroom. He gently lays me back onto his soft comforter, kissing me once again.

"This is all about you, okay y/n? I want you to feel good." he says against my lips.

"I love you Chris."

"I love you more than anything, y/n."

As we continue kissing, he slides my shirt up over my head and unclips my bra with one swift motion.

"God, you're beautiful." he says, kissing down my chest, taking my nipples into his mouth.

Before going any further, he slides his shirt off and steps out of his sweatpants, leaving him only in his boxers. He hooks his fingers into my underwear, and I nod, giving him permission to go further. He swiftly pulls them down before diving into my folds.

"Fuck, Chris!" I whined, as he began licking at my clit.

He hummed against me, sending waves of pleasure to my body. He adds a finger as he continues eating me out, stretching me out in all the right ways. I felt a familiar feeling in my stomach, like a knot beginning to tighten.

"Chris, I'm gonna cum!" I announce.

He keeps going, indicating that he wanted me to cum. My vision gets spotty as I reach my climax, my hips thrusting up into his face. After I ride out my high, he pulls away and looks up at me with a smile.

"Oh my god, that was amazing." I tell him.

"Ready for some more?" he asks me.

"Don't you want me to suck you off?" I ask, confused.

"Oh, of course I want that but tonight is all about you, y/n. I want to make you feel good."

"I can't argue with that!" I giggle.

I watch him pull off his boxers, his dick springing up, finally free from the restricting fabric. He had a drop of precum on his pink tip, a sign of how much he was turned on. He teases me, running his tip through my folds and against my clit. It felt good, but I wanted more.

"More, Chris!"

He leans down to kiss me.

"You ready, princess?"

I nod at him, giving him doe eyes.

He slowly pushes into me, giving me a chance to warm up to his size. He lets out a groan as he bottoms out. He gives me a moment, then begins slowly thrusting in and out, almost pulling out before bottoming out again. This was different than our usual sex, but in this moment I didn't care. I felt so loved and safe.

"Can you go a little faster?" I ask him.

"Yeah? You want it faster?"

"Yes, please daddy."

He groans at the name, picking up the pace a little, still wanting to keep it soft and slow. He attaches his lips to my neck, sucking hickies into it while still thrusting in and out of me. We continued, with him whispering I love you in my ear over and over again. I felt myself getting close again.

"Chris, I'm close."

"Me too baby, come with me." he says, his thrusts getting sloppier.

We were both a moaning mess as we came together. I felt Chris's hips sputter and his dick twitched as he came inside me. His movements came to a stop before he pulled out, laying beside me.

"Chris, I love you so much."

"I know baby, I love you more." he replies, catching his breath.

We didn't even bother putting our clothes back on, we were both too tired. He pulled me into his side, and I laid my head against his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing. He pulled the blankets over us, and I sighed with content at the warm, cozy feeling. The events of my day had long been forgotten as I laid with the man I loved, and I knew that as long as I had him by my side, everything was going to be okay.

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo x y/n #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets imagine #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo smut #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo fluff #secret sturniolo

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rightshoeonleftfoot · 8 months

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From Afar

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x afab! reader

Summary: You had a bad day and you're head over heels for a Lieutenant that's not even yours. He never even seems to look at you, let alone speak to you. Little do you know, he's been watching you.

Warnings: Stalking (innocent stalking hehe), mutual pining, possessive! Simon Riley, power imbalance.

Words: 1.7k

Part 1 - Part 2

This is not proofread so I'm sorry for any mistakes!! Constructive criticism is 100% welcome :)

I wanna make this a series eventually so let me know if you're interested! I wrote this at work lol

Average. That's what you were. An average soldier. You weren't even a bad soldier, you just weren't outstanding. You simply didn't stand out even though you desperately wanted to. You wanted to stand out to him. To the one man you'd been longing for ever since you saw him walk past you in the hallway when you were on your way to training.

A tall, broad man whose gaze would scare anyone away. He seemed cold, distant, someone you could never get along with. A man with many secrets, someone who wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice his life for his Taskforce. Lieutenant Riley. He never formally introduced himself but you'd heard. You'd heard all the rumours and chatter that surrounded him and you almost felt guilty.

He'd lead training every once in a while, when your superiors were away on important missions. You'd always do your damn best during those times, you wanted his attention, you wanted his praise. Yet, he'd never even so much as glance at you. It left you empty, disappointed and jealous. Jealous of your superior, Sergeant Davidson who'd openly flirt with him in front of everyone, especially in front of you. It's like she had something against you specifically, she'd often make you drop and give her 20 if you did anything that displeased her.

Today had been a shitty day. You'd slept through your alarm and ended up late to an early training session. Your Sergeant made an example out of you, making you run laps and do extra push ups. You were tired and hungry as you'd also missed breakfast, your stomach growling loudly as you were exercising. She had no pity, it was your fault after all. "You shouldn't have been late." She told you. "Don't fuck with the rules." She berated you as you held a plank. She had her foot on your back, occasionally adding weight on you to make you shake and give in to the weight she'd put on you. It was a humiliating morning to say the least, yet your day somehow got worse.

He hated the way she treated you. He hated the way your Sergeant got a power trip every time you did the smallest thing wrong. He wanted to rip her off you, tell her off for treating a Private like an animal. He wasn't supposed to feel anything for you. Hell, he had never even spoken to you once. He would just chalk it up to him being tired and not sleeping through the night. Yet, he couldn't stop himself from looking at you.

At lunch, you were starving and the mess hall was full. Not having eaten since 8 am and you were in desperate need for food. You'd finally picked up your tray and the food looked mediocre at best but you were too hungry to care. You were looking for a place to sit but the mess hall was packed. You skillfully navigated through the crowd of famished soldiers until you found a place. You quickly walked over to it, but it seemed someone had had the same idea as you. In a loud crash, your food fell to the floor, face first because of course it did. Your stomach growled once more as you looked down at the splattered food on the floor. The soldier who had bumped into you quickly apologized, his food untouched apart from the splatter of sauce that had ended on your uniform. Instead of helping you, he bolted off to eat. As you cleaned up your food, you knew your lunch would consist of nothing but vending machine snacks.

He watched. He saw you get bumped into by the careless little soldier. He saw you mutter and swear as you looked down at your food on the floor, completely defeated. "Fuck me, fuck this stupid fucking day." You'd mutter. He saw the way you quietly stared down at your food before picking up the dirty dishes and cleaning up the mess you'd made. He saw the way the soldier left you to your own devices and wanted so badly to berate him for not helping you. But he couldn't. So he watched.

You had a bit of free time after eating your snacks so you went to get changed and take the shower you didn't have time to take. You picked up your clean uniform and headed off to the communal showers, getting ready to wash off the food and sweat off you from this morning. You stripped and eagerly got in the shower. A sudden gasp came out of you. The water was cold. Very fucking cold. It wouldn't warm up even as you waited, your hand in the water. So you took a quick, cold shower.

The shower had left you tense and unsatisfied. A fitting continuation for your awful day. Next came hand to hand combat training. This was led by Ghost, so it lifted your spirits up a little. You walked into the gym early, not wanting to repeat this morning's mistake. Ghost was already there and you saluted him. In what felt like the first time since you'd met, he spared a glance at you. His gaze was cold, his brown eyes felt like they were staring in your soul. It seemed like he was studying you as the glance turned into more of a look, his eyes wandering ever so slightly to your face before he spoke.

"At ease." His voice was deep, deeper than you'd remembered. You felt happy. He had addressed you. It was almost cathartic, hearing him speak directly to you. You almost wantwd him to say more but to your disappointment, he looked away from you and resumed his conversation with your Sergeant. She was laughing and smiling, clearly flirting with him but he wasn't paying her any mind. You found yourself a partner and surprisingly enough, training went without much of a hitch. Both Ghost and Sergeant Davidson were watching over and your Sergeant was being much nicer with Ghost watching over her shoulder.

That was until the Sergeant used you as an example. Ghost looked at her disapprovingly but you didn't notice. She'd tell you to defend yourself but every time would take you down with ease. It left you humiliated and defeated. She finally got off you, clearly proud of herself for whatever reason. Your sparring partner helped you up and muttered something. "That fuckin' bitch." You were happy someone was on your side yet you felt disappointed. Ghost had just stood there, watching. He didn't do anything.

He saw, his mind in turmoil. On one hand, he could stop your Sergeant from taking you down more and cut the training short. On the other hand, he could let her keep going. She was showing a good technique but she wouldn't even give you the chance to try it on her. So he just stood there, conflicted. He wasn't doing anything.

You left training as soon as you could. You were beyond pissed and annoyed at today. You rushed to the mess hall to eat something and for once, everything was going well. You were approached by a soldier. A poor little soldier who was just as oblivious of Ghost as you were. He flirted with you and made you laugh. It was the first time today you'd felt truly at ease. He was making you laugh and over all, the conversation was just nice. You ended up shutting the conversation down early but sharing your contact information with him, a new friend couldn't hurt after all.

Your laugh. Your fucking laugh. Music to Ghost's ears. Music he never even thought he'd like, a soft melody that soothed whatever emotion he was feeling at the time. But that laugh wasn't for him. It was for this other private, this bastard, who dared to approach you while you were eating. He continued watching as you gave the man your contact information and he seethed. He didn't want to be jealous, but he was. He watched you leave to go to the shooting range for your nightly routine and as soon as you were out of sight, he walked to the soldier. The soldier froze when he saw Ghost. Ghost put his hand out, gesturing for the soldier to hand over what you'd given him. The soldier obliged and handed him the paper and Ghost proceeded to chew him out. He was ashamed of what he was doing and couldn't believe he felt the need to chew out an irrelevant soldier for hitting on you. He'd let his jealousy get the better of him.

The range was empty at this hour. Well, not fully but enough for the gun shots to be few and far between, startling you every time one went off. Going to the range after dinner was a part of your routine. There was a sort of pleasure in shooting targets to let loose of your emotions, it was therapeutic. The recoil of the gun as it went off in your hands, whether it was a p226 or an M4A4. You'd shoot for a while, never really looked at the time. But you'd often shoot until you felt the recoil of the gun in your hand without shooting, a familiar feeling.

Then came the cleaning. Cleaning your guns was your favourite part. It was slow and required patience, something you enjoyed. You'd take apart your guns with great care, feeling every nook and cranny as you did so. You'd clean them, taking the time to remove the dirt and grease which had lodged itself in all the cracks and crevices of the pistol. You liked it when they looked brand new. You'd connect your headphones to your phone and would listen to music, wanting to relax and take the edge off as you did a task most thought was tedious. Putting the guns back together was like a puzzle. A puzzle you'd done so much you could do it with your eyes closed. The way everything fit together perfectly, the way each piece clicked together with a soft, metallic sound. It was like a lullaby, soothing you to sleep. A welcome sound as it meant you'd go to bed soon.

Your ritual was over and you felt weary, your eyes closing on their own. With that, your day ended. In your shitty little barrack bed, still oblivious to your shadow. You fell asleep weirdly content with the day you had. Your alarm was set and you were confident you'd be ready for whatever awaited you tomorrow.

The range was big. Lots of places to hide, lots of places to watch. He followed you, his footsteps quiet, completely unheard by you. He enjoyed watching you shoot. It had become his routine as well. He'd watch you, correct your stance in his head without ever approaching you, then he'd watch you clean your guns. It calmed him. It soothed his mind and made him strangely happy to see someone who took such great care in cleaning their guns. He always wondered what you listened to. What had your foot tapping the beat, what had you softly smile when you cranked up the volume. He'd figure it out one day, just not tonight.

#simon ghost riley #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #call of duty #ghost call of duty #ghost cod #ghost fanfiction #ghost #ghost smut #fanfic #call of duty fanfic #simon ghost riley x you #simon riley #simon riley x you

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grievedeeply · 11 months

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hi! do u think u can write some platonic miguel o’hara x reader headcannons ? where the reader is around miles and gwen’s age (they’re also a spider-person) and they develop a father-child/mentor relationship

soooo i decided to combine this request with another one since they're so similar. so at the end of this, there's a short drabble about the scenario they requested! enjoy!

gn!reader | tws: mentions of death and loss, ivs, hospitals in general, everything that comes with being hurt

platonic miguel o'hara headcanons + drabble

he has trouble thinking of anyone as family. he lost his daughter, and his family.. it feels wrong of him to think of anyone else in the way he thought of them

until you come along. you, so happy to be involved in the spider society, so happy to be helping.. it always puts a grin on his face. an expression that had felt somewhat unfamiliar to him since the losses he experienced

it takes him a long time to ever get him to admit to anyone that he cares about you. he's a tough person with an equally tough exterior, so expect him to keep up that act for awhile

you're just so young. you're learning and growing and he wants to be there for all of it. it's a weird thing for him to feel and he doesn't really like it

eventually, he'll start to crack. he becomes a bit of a mentor for you, teaching you everything you need to know about being a spider person (even if you already know it)

miguel doesn't know how to express his emotions very well, but he does care about you. he just shows it in different ways than saying it verbally. he'll buy you something you mentioned liking and leave it in your room in your universe to find

you think of him as a father, but you don't bring it up to him. it feels weird to say something like that to his face. why would he think of you in a familial way anyway? you were just some extra spider.. right?

you were too reckless. he remembered telling you that one day. all you did was shrug your shoulders and laugh it off, telling him you'll be fine. you didn't stay true to your word, and he wished that he was there. he didn't even know what happened, but as soon as he was told of your injuries he rushed off to see you.

critical condition. he repeated the words over and over in his head. he couldn't go through another loss like this, he told himself. he should've never gotten so attached to you. what was wrong with him? doesn't he know better by now? all of his relationships end in flames. why was he so intent on keeping you by his side, of keeping you safe? you just reminded him so much of her.. too much.

his daughter was younger than you when she died.

he couldn't protect her, but he could protect you. he should've protected you, and he berated himself for not being there. he should've given you something easier. he knew you could handle yourself well, but he couldn't help but to think that he was at fault for your injuries. you were always so reckless. what did you do this time?

he repeated your room number in his mind now, over and over like a mantra until he stood outside of the door. was he even ready to see you like this? he imagined the ivs poking through your skin, the oxygen hooked up to you through your nose. no, he told himself, but he will anyway. it was better to see you if you were to..

he pushed the thought out of his head at the same time he pushed open the door. the room was completely empty. the steady beating of your heart through the monitor filled the air, and he took in a deep, shaky breath. you were asleep. good. you needed to be. you looked just as he expected, only worse. your body was covered in bruises and bandages that covered up cuts you received in your fight.

whoever did this would pay.

he pulled up a chair, making sure to stay as quiet as he could to risk waking you from your slumber. hesitantly, he lived his hand to yours.

he sat it on top of it. your wrappings that covered your hands were drenched in blood. he clenched his jaw. they would pay.

he wouldn't let his family get taken away from him again. he couldn't. he stared down at your face.

you were his own, and they would pay.

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #atsv #atsv x reader #across the spider verse x reader #across the spider verse #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara x y/n

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scribbledghost · 4 months

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I have a suggestion for a promp!! ✋feel free to consider it if it fancies you, disregard if it doesn't 💕 i felt like it might interest you, bc I really loved the drabble about reader being on base and the alarm going off and her finally meeting ghost, so to say! i feel like you might like the vibe of this as well. idk how to word it well, but i love stories where the two whole different worlds of a couple meet/merge bc of A Situation which lays their differences bare, their consequent reaction to their so's/the situation at hand itself etc

i saw this super cute tiktok the other day of a couple, where the husband/bf? is trying to instill more safety awareness into his partner, he pretends to leave the house, closes the front door and even fakes his footsteps but then knocks on the door to see if his gf will automatically open up assuming its him or look thru the peephole to see who it is

she doesn't ask, and opens up right away (like most of us would do i mean lbr!!) and he berates her for it while she playfully waves it off as him being too paranoid and so serious (mannnn I wish I had it saved!!!) and idk i think was just such super cute moment and I could totally see simon and his so in this situation. Simon has more than his fair share of awareness of what could and does go wrong in the world and is determined to "train" his gf and give a safety drill whenever he sees the opportunity for it (he might even do so bc he is, unconsciously or not, trying to protect her from a fate his family faced because of him) but his gf is happily unaware of that dark side of the world and is like "🤷‍♀️aww but i just knew it was you babe besides im pretty sure nothing could get past you to get to me anyway💕💕" and he is both baffled bc of her casualness (she's a civilian but still), somewhat amused bc he can never get "mad" at her, it would be like getting mad at a puppy who doesn't get a trick right on the first try, and he feels his heart swell because she feels, she knows nothing would get past him to hurt her. he would die sooner than to have a hair on her head harmed (ok this got angsty real quick!!!🥹💕❤️)

🌻anon (also I am sorry for the wall of text omg!!! English isn't my first language so i guess I overcompensate to explain myself wow!! You are a gem in this fandom btw??? I honestly love how detailed your writing is. Quality work, top notch!👌😘💕)

Note: I have been staring at the last paragraph of this for the past five minutes because thank you so so much???? (Also your English is perfect I promise) it seriously means so much to me to hear people like my writing 🥺💖💖 But this definitely interests me! (Personally, I'm wildly paranoid about my own safety, so I'd definitely be checking that peephole every time lol but we're gonna disregard that)

"Love, you're gonna end up givin' me more gray hairs than I've already got."

"And why's that?"

Simon pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a huff. He's not angry - he doesn't think he could ever be angry at you (at least not for long) - but he's starting to wonder if you've got any self-preservation instincts at all.

This isn't the first time you've failed one of his many "safety tests," as you call them. From leaving your car unlocked while you're sitting in it to opening a window overnight when the weather permits, he swears he's aged a decade since living with you. Price had once told him that worrying for your safety was part of the package of loving a civilian, but Simon hadn't quite predicted he'd be worrying this much.

"How many times have I told you to check before you open the door?" he asks.

"But I knew it was you. You just left," you chirp. Good lord, you're too cute for your own good.

"And if it hadn't been me?" he asks. "If someone had taken me out on my way to the car then come to you? You've got to start considering the possibilities, love."

To your average outsider, it probably seems like he's berating you. But the way your eyes sparkle at him tells him you know better. Chastising you, perhaps, but there's no true anger there.

Instead, there's an undercurrent of fear. He knows the consequences of opening the door to the wrong person. And he knows that if the day ever comes when he comes home to blood on the walls and the sight of your lifeless eyes, he'll sit next to you and make sure he dies there too.

But that's a road Simon doesn't want to go down. Not right now, anyway. Not when you're here, smiling at him with mischief in your gaze.

"Simon, be real. I know nothing can get past you to get to me."

He feels his heart rise when you tell him this. Of course, he knows in his soul that he'd never let anything harm you. He knows he'd do unspeakable things to keep you safe. But to hear you say that you know it too sends warmth through his chest.

"Be that as it may," he says, unable to stop himself from quirking a small grin, "you still need to check. Just to be safe."

He grabs your hand as you raise it to wave him off, pulling you slightly closer and angling your chin so he can really look at you and convey the seriousness of his words.

"Please, love," he says. "For me?"

Your gaze softens as you lean into his touch.

"Okay, Simon," you murmur to him. "I promise I'll check before I open the door. For you."

Part of him isn't quite sure if he believes you. But for now, he lets himself feel relieved anyway.

"Good," he says as he leans in to kiss you. "I'll hold you to that."

#simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost scribbles

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sturniolodreamz · 6 months

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i love you more - chris sturniolo

warnings - smut, (don't like, don't read), slight daddy kink, soft sex

a/n - i hope you like this anon! this will also be posted on my ao3, sturniolodreamz.

I pulled into the driveway and opened the front door, where Chris was waiting for me on the couch. He jumped up when he saw me, and I burst into tears.

"Oh baby, what's wrong?" he asked me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

Through tears, I had told him everything that had happened to me today.

"I just want you, Chris." I mumbled into his chest.

"Yeah?" he asked me, pulling back and tilting my head up towards him.

Without a word, I pressed my lips against his, our tongues immediately fighting for dominance. After a while, Chris pulls away.

"Matt and Nick won't be back for a while. You wanna take this to my room, let me show you how much I love you?" he says, looking into my eyes.

"Please."

He grabs my hand and pulls me with him as we walk down the stairs to his bedroom. He gently lays me back onto his soft comforter, kissing me once again.

"This is all about you, okay y/n? I want you to feel good." he says against my lips.

"I love you Chris."

"I love you more than anything, y/n."

As we continue kissing, he slides my shirt up over my head and unclips my bra with one swift motion.

"God, you're beautiful." he says, kissing down my chest, taking my nipples into his mouth.

"Fuck, Chris!" I whined, as he began licking at my clit.

"Chris, I'm gonna cum!" I announce.

"Oh my god, that was amazing." I tell him.

"Ready for some more?" he asks me.

"Don't you want me to suck you off?" I ask, confused.

"Oh, of course I want that but tonight is all about you, y/n. I want to make you feel good."

"I can't argue with that!" I giggle.

"More, Chris!"

He leans down to kiss me.

"You ready, princess?"

I nod at him, giving him doe eyes.

"Can you go a little faster?" I ask him.

"Yeah? You want it faster?"

"Yes, please daddy."

"Chris, I'm close."

"Me too baby, come with me." he says, his thrusts getting sloppier.

We were both a moaning mess as we came together. I felt Chris's hips sputter and his dick twitched as he came inside me. His movements came to a stop before he pulled out, laying beside me.

"Chris, I love you so much."

"I know baby, I love you more." he replies, catching his breath.

#chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo smut #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo

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crystallizedday · 1 year

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Mkay, so I just woke up & I feel like spitting some facts today while I’m still in my BATDR hyperfix, especially since I’m pretty sure not a lot of people have this idea as well & I wanna get it out there somehow.

So…

The Ink Demon is like… written SO fucking well in this game, or at least as I interpret it.

& I figured this shit out like GRADUALLY.

The first tid bit that hit me like a fucking truck was how CANONICALLY the Ink Demon is in DESPERATE need of any kind of love and affection. While it’s hinted at a little bit in the games, the smoking gun comes from the VOICE ACTOR FOR INKY HIMSELF Sean Crisden.

Yes, I looked through his entire Twitter to find this again just to prove I’m not insane.

Like… even if Sean isn’t caught up entirely on the lore, there’s no reason he would say this only knowing the Ink Demon through his lines. After all, my guy has to be told about the character to voice him, so for him to address this pretty much makes it as close to being confirmed officially as we can.

The second thing that hit me like a truck was the YouTuber Pastra’s review video on the game, where he details how the Ink Demon’s mocking in the last chapter is towards HIMSELF, not Audrey, & he’s just projecting all HIS shit onto her.

Not even I caught this, since I always thought Inky was right about the “your life is a lie” thing due to her not being fully human.

But then Pastra emphasized the “mistake” bit. Audrey wasn’t a mistake, far from it. The Ink Demon, BENDY, was. HE was a mistake, born solely to be a living mascot to entertain, & when he came out WRONG, he was locked away, neglected, abandoned by the man who created him.

So he looks at Audrey, someone who was made by the same man who made him, someone who was treated so much better because of how she came out “perfect”, & tries to bring her down on the same level as he is by berating her.

& while this is stretching a bit, him comforting her at the end feels a bit like he’s trying to comfort himself, tricking himself to believe there is SOMEONE like him, someone who was ABANDONED & lied to, & thus giving Audrey the opportunity to live so he can indulge in that comfort.

It’s a BIG stretch, but god DAMN is it a gut puncher!

Like I’m sure he also did it to manipulate her & shit, but like… he can have MORE than one reason to do shit, & if he really did try to comfort himself like that, if that really is true… then I’m gonna fucking sob, man.

BUT THAT IS NOT FUCKING ALL!!

Cause I got ONE MORE mind blower I had, mainly (but not entirely) on my own after that one!!

& it has to do with Baby Bendy.

A LOT of people think Inky got his mind split in two when he was imprisoned as Baby Bendy due to how different he acts around Audrey.

But I beg to differ.

I think the Ink Demon is ABSOLUTELY still conscious & in control as Baby Bendy. He just couldn’t do shit to anyone before Audrey came about & accidentally freed him (cause I am ALSO subscribed to that theory Pastra addressed in his video), so he just minded his own business.

Perhaps his new emotional responses spoken of in the Keepers’ tapes come from him being more powerless & vulnerable where the only thing he COULD do was cry.

& the reason he acts so friendly towards Audrey once she meets up with him near the city? Because she was kind to him, she actually gave a shit about him. She apologized to him about hurting him & wanted to take care of him.

NEVER in Inky’s life has he EVER had someone genuinely care about him & his well being, something he always wanted from ANYONE but never got. So when he finally has that opportunity with Audrey, he jumps to it, going along with it, even if he desperately didn’t want to visit the Gent labs again.

More evidence of this is detailed in a post by @jupiter-jellies titled “Ink Demon VS Vesty” which I really like (I apologize for the tag, I don’t know if there’s an easier option to showcase the post itself, but I still wanna credit you nonetheless) as it makes sense of the sequences of events that happen from when Baby Bendy first joins your party to when he disappears & the Ink Demon comes to stop you from entering the Keepers’ area. Seriously, that shit blew my mind when I read it cause it explains WHY Baby Bendy went missing & why the Ink Demon would try to stop Audrey from going THERE in particular.

It just makes sense that the Ink Demon was still HIMSELF in both forms, he just acts differently to compensate for his lack of powers & to be given the love & affection he always wanted.

… But then it gets sad.

Cause the more I thought about it, the more fucked up it became. The ONLY time the Ink Demon EVER got someone to reach out to him & make him feel cared for… is when he’s in a “perfect” form. Only when he was cute & innocent & TRAPPED against his WILL could he be EVER loved, that if only he came out RIGHT in the first place, then he would DESERVE all the love that Audrey offers him.

If Joey & the others neglecting & abusing him when he came out wrong when he was JUST created didn’t solidify this idea in his head, Audrey treating him like a friend in his “perfect” form & an enemy in his true form DEFINITELY sealed the deal to him.

& it only gets worse.

I was re-listening to Joey talking to Audrey at the tail-end of the game to try & snap her out of the dark mindset Inky put her in when I realized something.

The Ink Demon was RIGHT THERE, listening to his abuser talk directly to AUDREY the ENTIRE TIME, telling her how she was loved & how she’s not this monster, that she was his pride & joy, his ONLY success…

& that PISSES Inky off.

In INKY’s point of view, only after Joey had a creation that WASN’T an abomination did he suddenly have a change of heart, that all it took was to get something he always wanted to be a better person as he completely ignores his biggest mistake that was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.

That… has GOT to sting, really bad, to feel abandoned AGAIN in favor of the “better sibling” that Audrey was.

I have a feeling that he didn’t crush Joey SOLELY so he couldn’t get through to Audrey. I think he also did it because he couldn’t take LISTENING to him talk like this anymore, to be reminded that he was a failure that didn’t deserve the love that Audrey got, & lashed out to shut Joey up.

This is ALL very headcanon-y, but… it really does paint the Ink Demon in a more complex & tragic light.

The Ink Demon was NEVER just a mindless monster that killed whatever it wanted on sight. He was capable of emotion, & he could’ve potentially been capable of being something so much more if only he got the proper care & reassurance he DESPERATELY needed.

& GOD I love his character for it, he’s my favorite character in the game BY FAR because of this, GOD I hope this is canon so I can give massive props to the writers for this game!!

#bendy and the dark revival #batdr #batdr spoilers #bendy and the dark revival spoilers #ink demon #ink bendy #bendy #baby bendy #audrey #batdr audrey #audrey drew #joey drew #sean crisden #ink demon character studies #day’s morning ramblings #thank you for reading my essay XDDD #I apologize for the shitty quality for the cutscenes #i just wanted to throw some images in here to spice up the rambling & compliment it a bit #hope ya don’t mind

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sometimes-men-need-help-too · 5 months

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So this guy posted about how his wife "baby trapped" him, with baby trapped in quotes because he didn't know if it necessarily counted. He said she didn't do it to make him stay, just against his will

They've been together for 8 years, have 2 (5f and 2m) kids and when they talked about having kids, she wanted 2 but he wanted 1. They ended up having 2 because she insisted it was important for a child to have a sibling. After his son was born, OP didn't want to go through all the sleepiness nights and everything again. But when their son was a year old, his wife started mentioning having a 3rd child. I would laugh it off but finally she sat me down and said we have to have a third. I said no, we agreed on two, but she said she wanted four and three is the compromise. I refused and said I wanted one and we have two. She got angry and called me selfish for taking away her dream of wanting a big family.

Few days later, she apologized and they had sex. She was on birth control, he had a condom, so they did it. Then one day, she showed him the positive pregnancy test. When she saw his less than happy expression, she berated him for not being supportive, that he should be grateful, etc. So he apologized, hugged her and told her he was excited.

When she was asleep, I took the condoms out of the cupboard and ran them under water. Holes.

I nabbed her phone and saw she'd set a password. That was odd. Nevertheless, my wife has a terrible memory so I tried her birthday and it opened. Further up were texts with her best friend of my wife complaining how I wouldn't come around. Her best friend suggested "arrange an accident" with a winky face. My wife agreed and said she was going to come off of birth control. It went on for a little while, ending with my wife saying that yes, we were going to have a 3rd.

So he woke her up after that to question her about it. She started crying. Through tears she screamed I had no right to go through her phone and it's her choice whether or not she wants to take BC, the side-effects are bad and she was sick. She also brought up if I really didn't want a third kid, I should have had a vasectomy. She told me to go sleep on the couch, I laughed out loud and said no, I'm sleeping here, you're leaving. So while wailing she packed a bag and left to her parents. When she called the next day I told her I just need some time to myself. She said that's fine but I need to come around for our child. I told her I wasn't sure if it'd be "our child" and she cried more.

It's been two weeks since then. Governments recommended to stay at home and I knew staying home by myself while also working with two kids would not be ideal and she wanted to see our kids. So we're in the same house, she constantly keeps on stopping me and trying to get me excited for our kid and planning the nursery and names and how happy our kids will be to get a younger sibling. I've been ignoring her entirely.

A lot of the comments were in his favor so I was happy to see that. But there were also plenty of other comments that weren't as supportive, even downplaying the wife's actions.

There were a number of people who were against him divorcing her, questioning him why he wants to ruin his marriage and his family over this. I just can't get over that, how they're acting like he's in the wrong here. Would you want to stay with someone who crossed the line severely? Would you want to stay with someone you couldn't trust?

She ruined the marriage on her own. He's reacting how anyone can expect someone to react in that kind of situation. A lot of people were insisting he try to fix his marriage and stay for the kids so he doesn't break up the family but that is, in this case, the worst advice someone can give. I'm not sure there's any coming back from this. How could you trust someone like that again? How do you know she wouldn't do it again in the long run because she'd want a 4th baby?

Not to mention, it's a horrible thing to put the kids through. They're already, according to him in a comment, wondering why he isn't talking to their mother (sidenote: some people expressed disbelief that the kids would notice at that age. I haven't spent much time with super little kids like a 2 year old but 5 year old's can be surprisingly observant. Or the wife might have said something to them). If he were to stay and things worsen, like them fighting more often, that just hurts the kids. And it's not a good lesson for them when they get older. There are limits to keeping a relationship with someone.

And of course, his own mental health and happiness are important too.

What bothers me is the justifications people are pulling out in defense of his wife. They are severely downplaying her actions by saying she just wanted a baby, people aren't perfect, etc. Somebody even compared the situation to...rearranging a room.

And then you have others blaming him because he hasn't had a vasectomy yet. That isn't the point of this. If the wife hadn't done anything and he was complaining that she got pregnant, then I would find him more at fault. But what the wife has done is considered reproductive coercion, which is a form of intimate partner violence.

Sure there was a bit of a chance of pregnancy occurring, but she crossed the line in order to get what she wanted. She is at fault here for the pregnancy. And she should be held accountable for that. I've found conflicting information about whether she could face legal consequences, but at the very least we shouldn't be trying to make excuses for her or downplay it to make it sound like it's something innocent.

Because it definitely isn't

#mens rights #double standards #relationships

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lurkingshan · 6 months

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I agree it’s shitty messaging if that was actually the message. But then I think about the fact that NeoMark were the only non-cp so they were given the most realistic ending. They also barley got any screentime if I’m being honest so I expected their ending. Gmmtv is gonna Gmmtv with the branded pairs shit.

I'm not sure how else to interpret the message since there was nothing in the episode to counter it. They had every character berate Boston and demand apologies from him and he did not get the same kind of consideration in return. Cheum only apologized to Boston because he was awkwardly standing in front of her; she clearly did not intend to seek him out to make amends for her false accusations. Mew and Ray also accused Boston of sexual assault; where was their apology to him? Sand released Boston's sex tape to get revenge on Top; where was his apology? Boston took accountability for every single thing he did and never lied about his intentions or who he was. We can't say the same for any of the other characters, and yet he is the only one who was told he is a bad person who has to change in order to ever be accepted and loved.

I have been giving the show the benefit of the doubt on this for weeks but at this point I have to call it: Boston's arc was slut shaming nonsense. I thought the show was making a point about how unfairly maligned Boston was because of his promiscuity, but no, in the end they told us he was at fault for everything and deserved to end up dejected and alone. In order for this to be read as intentional subversion the show would have to actually include anything on my screen to indicate that the other characters were wrong; it did not. I was giving this show and its creators far too much credit.

And yes, GMMTV branded pairs clearly impacted this story, and it was so obvious it was kind of embarrassing for the show.

#only friends the series #thai bl #shan answers

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linos-luna · 1 year

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Don’t be scared 🥀

Lee Know x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mention of abuse, PTSD

You were in an abusive relationship for a while. It was violent and traumatic. Constantly berated and beaten. He was your first boyfriend so you thought it was normal. Unfortunately, you were a bit nieve at times and didn’t always pick up on social cues. He was able to manipulate you easily and it was awful. Luckily you were able to leave that behind and meet an amazing guy named Minho. He’s the sweetest and most caring guy you’ve ever met. He was also very patient and rarely gets mad with you… but when he does…

———————————————————————

Minho has been busy all day and very stressed. All you wanted was some attention. You were a bit clingy and you often felt like you depended on him. You always wanted to please him and be good for him.

You were playing with one of his cats when a package came. You were quick to go to the door and went back to the living room to open it. It was a new collar for the cat. One with a cute bow on it.

You put it on and pick up the cat, carrying it to the bedroom where your boyfriend was.

“Oppa! Look!” You said while happily coming in. “Oppa, look at Dori’s new collar and bow!”

Minho was on the phone. He was frustrated about something and didn’t really pay you any attention.

“Oppa, look at Dori.” You repeated while holding up the cat.

He only shook his head at you, hoping you’d get the message.

“Oppa—”

“Not now, y/n!” He snapped.

“Oh… s-sorry…” Hearing him snap like that stunned you. He never raised his voice at you like that. You frowned and lowered the cat before quietly leaving the room.

~~~~

Later you were feeling a bit hungry. Minho had told you earlier that he was going to make dinner but it was getting late.

Your boyfriend was in his office, typing away on his computer when you came in quietly.

“Um… oppa…?”

“Hm?” He replied, not turning away from the screen.

“W-were you going to make dinner…?” You asked shyly.

“Yes baby…”

You nodded and left the room, wondering what he had in mind. You were still hungry so you grabbed an apple to snack on.

Another hour passed and your boyfriend still hadn’t come out of his office. You wondered if maybe you should make dinner so you went to the office again.

He was still at the computer and didn’t even seem to notice you coming in.

“Oppa…?”

“What, y/n?” He sighed, sounding more annoyed.

“W-were you still gonna make dinner or—…”

“Yes!” He grunted before turning to look at you. “Just wait!”

“Okay well—…”

“Y/n, go!” He said, pointing towards the door.

“I-I’m sorry oppa… I’ll go…” You nodded and left the room as he was clearly annoyed.

Some more time passed and you were getting impatient. You decided to make dinner yourself and went to the kitchen.

Unfortunately, you realized that the pots and some bowls you needed were at the top of the cabinet shelf.

Minho was in a bad mood and you definitely didn’t want to bug him again. You couldnt find the step stool so you climbed onto the counter to reach them.

As you grabbed them, your fingers slipped and you ended up dropping everything. The pot and bowls hit the floor with a loud bang, the bowls shattering.

“Oh no!” You gasped as you sat on the counter, about to get down.

“Y/n?!” Minho yelled suddenly as he ran into the kitchen.

“Oppa I’m sorry I—”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He yelled angrily, completely cutting you off.

“I-I—” you stuttered before he grabbed you by the arms and roughly pulled you down from the counter.

“I told you to wait! Why don’t you fuckin listen?!!

Tears formed as he yelled at you. You shook a little as he seemed to come closer.

“Why don’t you listen huh?!“

“N-no oppa—”

“Are you gonna fuckin answer me?!” He yelled while slamming his fist into the counter. This caused you to flinch.

“Oppa I’m sorry!!” you cried as you backed into the wall. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!! I’m sorry!!”

“Baby—?” Minho froze, realizing what he just did.

“Don’t hurt me! I’m sorry!” You shielded your face with your arms. “All my fault! All my fault!!”

“No baby I—”

You nearly screamed as he came towards you and tried to grab your arms. You crouched to the floor, shaking and crying. “All my fault! All my fault! I’m sorry oppa!! Sorry! Sorry!! Sorry!!” You repeated this over and over, not even looking at him.

“No baby…” Minho says while crouching down in front of you. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry.”

You stayed in your position, making little sobbing noises as he touched your shoulder. You tensed up and yelped as he did so and fell back on your bottom. “No no no no—…”

“Baby, it’s just me…” your boyfriend kneeled while grabbing your hands. You attempted to pull away but he held your hand tight and rubbed your cheek. “It’s okay… it’s okay…”

“Im sorry oppa…” You whimpered a bit while looking at him through your tears. “I shouldn’t have made you mad…”

“No I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that…” he sighed while hugging you and rubbing your back. “Im sorry baby…”

He was practically holding you as you buried your face in his chest. “Im sorry oppa…” you muttered.

“Shhh… don’t be sorry…. Nothing is your fault.” He said softly while lightly rocking you in place.

You slowly put your arms around him and held on tight. Minho sighed and helped you up. He let go and was about to wipe your tears when you flinched.

“It’s okay, baby…” he whispered. “I’m not mad… you’re not in trouble…”

You nodded as he fixed your hair and kissed your cheek.

Minho took you to the bedroom and sat you on the bed. He hated seeing you like this and felt bad for practically neglecting you all day and scaring you.

“I’m sorry baby… I had a lot of important work today but… I shouldn’t have been mean to you…”

“I-I deserved it…” you said while shaking your head. “I-I’m- I—… I’m bad girl…”

“No… no…” Minho sighed while holding you still. “You’re a good girl… baby… sweetheart… you don’t deserve it…”

You nodded and tears streamed your cheeks as he comforted you. He gave you a kiss on the cheek and hugged you, humming softly. He felt so guilty…

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starglowwos · 8 months

Text

quick note before i start ranting: last night i started thinking. and then i started ranting in discord. and it got off track. and then i woke up this morning and had a similar thought. so this is just a stream of thoughts from me, really, lmao also, absolutely all of this is from memory, there's a good chance i got some stuff wrong (and i also include a lot of headcanons based off estimates and stuff i don't think would be a stretch), so yeah lmao this is kinda like a thought experiment or something

thinking,, thinking about c!martyn and his birthday

3rd life started 2 weeks after his birthday, last and double life weren't close, rats missed it, pirates has a good chance of missing it, and that's in the future anyway

only limited life included it

martyn… spends the rest of his time in a void, regardless of which route you take, datastream or eyesandears (as we don't know how they connect yet, they're mostly separate? kinda? idk its complicated)

so… what's better: having your birthday in the midst of a death game, in a world that isn't real but feels painfully so, or alone in a void?

in a dark void where you're unconscious most of the time, and when you're not, you're being taunted? or in a green void where you can't so much as sleep like you had to back in the world you were torn from, the world that you only have one actual connection with, your only glimpse of reality being of that who trapped you in this mess and doesn't care enough to get you out already?

martyn's first birthday in the datastream likely would've been limited life, if that's how that would work (again, datastream~eyesandears, complicated)

he's still got another good 7 months until his next one

will he be out of the datastream by then? will doc have finally figured it out?

…why hasn't he yet?

…that's a question for another day. (sure, maybe he's said that dozens of times before, but… now's not the time, is all)

(…besides, it seems like he cares. but…- no, question for another day. whatever a day even is. he only really knows because doc makes him journal for every one that passes, not because it really holds any meaning right now.)

would he rather spend his birthday lonely and paranoid, lonely and paranoid, or lonely and paranoid?

either

in constant fear of death, being able to see just how much time you have left until then, knowing it could skip ahead by an hour or even two at a moment's notice.

people who were supposed to be your friends (and perhaps were in another life) trying to kill you on your birthday, throwing explosives down from the clouds onto your party on the one day you maybe thought you'd be allowed to enjoy yourself.

(and yeah, maybe you were planning on blowing up everyone else, too, but when you're red, can you really be blamed for wanting to spill some blood?)

(…everyone else feels like that, don't they? you're not the only one. you're stupid for thinking you'd be an exception to their bloodlust just because it's your birthday.)

in a void where your only waking moments aren't good ones. where you're taunted and berated and ridiculed for your mistakes, where you start to believe what you're told, that you failed your one job despite being given so many chances.

the void in which you last see Them before your only anything between these games abandon you for years?- months on end, only to reappear a game later in hopes of ruining your life. and you're pretty damn scared They succeeded. (you've felt, just, bad, for so long, that you're not sure things can get worse, yet they manage to every time. you're not sure when things got this bad, but it's Their fault, you know it is.)

…you're unconscious most of the time in this void, anyway. you're not sure why it feels like such an eternity every time.

in a lime green void, stretching on virtually endlessly (heh, virtually… ah, this is what you've resorted to for entertainment, isn't it?), with access to all you could ever dream of?

sure, maybe not the impossible—that's, well, impossible—and maybe not things that haven't been created yet, maybe some things are locked behind paywalls you can't bypass, or, or need for accounts–

oh, did you mention you can't leave any trace of your existence either? there's quite a few restrictions, actually—no accounts, no anonymous comments, no privacy, no friends, no family, no food, no drink, no sleep, no- no bodily functions, no.. no concrete sense of self, no… fellow(? are you even human anymore?) human interaction…

well, besides doc, but he's… busy. too busy to help you get out of here, too busy to…

to care where you land after pushing you through a portal to an unknown world with little to no warning,

to get… worried, when you stay months in the same game world, because these- these missions are meant to be a, a quick in and out, maybe a week, usually less, not… three whole months, and…

fuck did that hurt, leaving them all, but… the sooner you complete these missions for doc—what even are these missions, anyway? why-—the faster you'll be out of the datastream and.. back to reality. back to.. home… you think.

(why do these missions have such big gaps between them?

why– how is doc presumably fighting CHEST all by himself (well, not all by himself, you are the datastream defender, after all, even if that is just a made up title to make yourself feel better, even if you're barely an asset as opposed to a liability to doc)?

what does global ramifications entail?

why hasn't doc figured out how to get you out of here yet?

why does he not spend any time with you, he's your only real human contact, and even then, it's flakey!?

why does he make you journal every day? to keep you sane? you mean, it's hardly working, but why?

if doc cares, it'd be more than just whatever this is. or–…

…you've had this conversation before. you're just out of touch with social interaction. players and npcs are nothing like real people. you're just… wrong. and doc's right, because doc knows what's going on, and you don't, save for some tiny morsels of information. right. …nevermind.)

this is where i stopped ranting for the night, and i pick it back up on a similar topic this morning ^^

i wonder if, in the datastream lore, rats and pirates are made by the same people or not

if doc would have access to that information, if he would purposefully start avoiding powcreations, or purposefully seek out their game worlds

is martyn spending months in a game world, having fun instead of doing his job, a good thing in any way, in doc's eyes? or is it solely a distraction or vulnerability?

martyn goes to all these game worlds for a reason, he needs to find loot shards so doc can deal with them, but how does doc feel about martyn staying months instead of days? of martyn having fun? growing attached? forming emotional bonds with people who aren't real?

(doc tells martyn they aren't real. martyn has no reason not to believe him on that. (in fact, martyn tells himself they aren't real, because if they were, he's not sure he'd handle that well.) even though players can be awakened, they're still ultimately under an actual human's control—doc's told martyn this. martyn is... a special case. (and if they aren't quick enough, his situation could lose its uniqueness to the enemy. which, if it wasn't clear, isn't a good thing.))

it's ultimately not healthy, martyn knows, but he's been in the datastream a little over a year at this point. the only human interaction he has is doc, who barely seems to have time for him, and CHEST agents (he thinks? they may just be AI), which are actively trying to kill him, whatever that would mean for him. he doesn't like the thought.

so, maybe he's a bit lonely—okay, maybe very lonely—so can you really blame him for wanting to indulge? i mean… even if it isn't really reality, what's stopping it from acting as one? he'll… he'll always have to leave eventually, but… he may as well enjoy himself while he has the chance, right?

so what's to stop him from making friends with oli the trash rat, or oli the pirate? (they're almost eerily similar, all things considered, but martyn guesses that's what happens when you get lazy devs. everything else seems to have so much care put into it, though... why would they put in such little effort to player characters when so much goes into everything else?)

what's to stop him flirting with half the players on the faction isles and being responsible for the nickname "kisstrels"?

what's to stop him having a genuinely good time?

leaving rats was hard. it was the first time he felt he truly belonged somewhere in how long? longer than the datastream, for sure.

he was really starting to struggle at that point with the crushing loneliness and feelings of unreality, if he's honest. rats... rats was nice. rats was probably some of the most fun he's had.

and leaving pirates has every chance to be even harder.

with these new scars appearing (which he would assume to be a design thing if it weren't for the fact that they stayed with him in the datastream itself), and these new feelings occurring without reason or rhyme, he's starting to feel uneasy about being stuck in the datastream again. (he's never not felt uneasy about it. he just… manages to push it to the back of his mind(? does he still have one of those?), sometimes.)

he's spent a lot of his time thinking—a lot about the rats, admittedly—why does scott feel so much more familiar now than he did even after he left rats? so many of the rats always felt familiar, especially jimmy and oli, but why does he miss scott all of a sudden?

weird feelings like that had been beginning to pop up the past few months, along with scars he has no explanation for—i mean, seriously, why does he have at least three scars shaped like a four-pointed star? what would even cause that? he's fairly sure there's more, as well!—and it's been making him uneasy. most of all, it's been making him lonely.

pirates came at a good time, he thinks.

maybe his introduction wasn't the best, what, with doc shoving him through a portal just for him to fall from the sky into the ocean, then immediately getting scammed by scar—

why does scar feel so familiar? why does that seem so in character for him? he hasn't been in another game world which used his assets, has he?

—just to go to this weird corrupted purple island and lose two people along the way—

why does doc always put him in the center of the story? it can get so stressful at times! i mean, rats was stressful enough even before the other rats did stuff like blow up the boiler!

—but... i mean, he made a song for pirates. that's something he'd only previously done for rats (and wow, was that process painful, can you imagine how hard it is to make music while being a rat and staying secretive about your mission? speaking of secrets, he got pretty lucky with the whole pirate thing, for once he can be truthful about some part of why he's here, even if he has to stay vague), and even then, that wasn't really a serious song. this one's a full on song, water made sheet music and everything!

so, evidently, it's not that bad. it's quite the opposite, actually. martyn thinks he's going to have a pretty good time here, as a pirate.

(he's not sure why the pirate aesthetic, and the oceanic/aquatic aesthetic as a whole, actually, feels so familiar. like he's done this sort of thing recently...?

and... scott. scott feels related to that, for some reason. and scott's a heron, martyn fucking hates the herons (he'd never admit it, maybe except to the rats in his boots, but they're actually not that bad. it's more like a sibling rivalry, than anything).

…does this have something to do with martyn randomly missing rat scott the past few months? …does he miss rat scott, or does he miss scott? …these aren't real people, martyn, get it together, it's fine. you're fine. nothing to worry about.)

#itlw #itlwlore #inthelittlewood #eyesandears #martyn rats smp #martyn pirates smp #pirates smp martyn #rats smp martyn #c:/sgos/gold #c:/sgos/talking #cw unreality #cw paranoia

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forgottenfourr · 9 months

Text

i saw you in a dream - university smau

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chapter eighteen - you’re insane

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a/n: short update :( sorry

not proofread!

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it was almost comical the way your friends were staring at you. you can tell all of them thought you have gone off the deep end. the only person who seems to slightly understand what you just told them is soul. but even then he looks more lost than he normally does.

“so you’re telling me you have dreams about a person you’ve never met but you think he also has the same dreams and you guys have been talking to each other through your subconsciouses for the past 7 months and now you think you’ve found him in real life.” minho looks at you with disbelief on his face.

“yeah pretty much” you reply, almost too at ease with the situation for your friends liking.

“you’re crazy,” beomgyu says without missing a beat. causing soul to slap him on the arm at his words.

beomgyu shoves soul’s shoulder, “what? it’s true! there is no way that is even possible yn.”

you sigh at his statement. he was right. or at least he should be right. but you just know you’re not wrong about this. something is different.

seungmin sits in silence as the other bicker back in forth. trying his best to comprehend everything you just told him.

it shouldn’t be possible. he’s studied everything there is to the brain and how it works. he knows it shouldn’t be possible. but for some reason, a part of him believes you. he’s known you for as long as he can remember and it isn’t like you to lie or come up with something this crazy. this out of the world insane.

so part of him can’t help but believe you, even if the scientific part of him is yelling that there was no way it could actually be happening.

“i believe you.” seungmin’s words cutting through the eerie silence making everyone’s attention go directly to him.

“what?” you reply, your utter confusion causing you to slightly stutter.

“i said i believe you,” he restates his previous statement. “it doesn’t make sense. and it shouldn’t be possible. but for some reason i believe you. you wouldn’t lie about something as stupid as this.”

you clear your throat, unable to conjure up any words. you were expecting to be completely alone with this. and you especially didn’t expect seungmin, the psychology major of all people, to believe you.

“i’m just kinda pissed off you didn’t tell me about this sooner. i mean, i understand why. this shit is crazy.” seungmin laughs at the ridiculous of it all.

minho, soul, jisung, and beomgyu seem to ease some of their tension as seungmin speaks. if seungmin believed you, they should too.

“okay whatever. but if you’re wrong about this and the boys thinks you’re and insane person don’t come crying to me.” beomgyu says while crossing his arms over his chest.

“you can cry to me,” jisung says slightly bumping your shoulder with his own.

you laugh, “i always knew i could count on you.” you reply as you rest your head on his shoulder.

“i still think you’re crazy,” minho says, doubt laced in his tone.

“you always think i’m crazy,” you retort, making everyone laugh.

“so are you going to talk to him?” jisung asks, causing you to cringe at your own actions.

“yeah so about that,” you are somehow dreading telling them you left him on read after texting him in the most ominous way more than actually telling them about the dreams.

they’re all practically lunging at you when you pull out your phone and bring up the texts. most of them laughing at you while minho berates you for being creepy.

you have no clue where to go from here.

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imaginesfordifferentfandoms · 1 year

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I Wish You Would

Click here for my masterlist.

Click here to add yourself to my taglist.

Prompt - ‘I wish you would come back, wish you were right here, right now, it's all good, I wish you would.’

Joel found himself walking the lengths of the gated community most nights, his thoughts wild and harsh, berating himself for being so stupid. Most of the time he waited until Ellie was asleep but some nights he felt caged and marched out whilst the kid was still downstairs, Ellie shaking her head every time he shrugged on a coat and opened the door but he was just glad she hadn’t called him out on his bullshit yet. He knew it was coming, it had been months in the making but he just wasn’t in the mood for it. He’d walked for a while but his feet always ended up taking him down the old familiar path that led him to your house.

How many nights had he spent just standing on your porch, fist raised as he thought about knocking before he turned with his tail between his legs?

Too many, too damn many.

It had been months since the breakup, god how had so much time passed already? He didn’t even know how it had turned into a relationship, he sure as hell hadn’t brought Ellie and himself back here with any intentions of getting himself a girl. But then you showed up, all pretty eyed and bright smiles and somehow, somehow, you had managed to worm your way into his life, somehow you had become part of the small number of people he would tear the world apart for to keep safe.

After Ellie he thought that was it, he didn’t think anybody else would be capable of coming into his life and turning it upside down again. You just seemed to love proving him wrong.

He’d gone twenty years without giving a damn about anyone else but suddenly he seemed to be making up for all that lost time given how fiercely and how strongly he loved the pair of you.

He’d already showed what he was capable of when Ellie was in danger but with you he had never had a reason to show just how dangerous he could be if you were in trouble, thankfully you weren’t put out on duty too often and you spent your time inside the gates but he knew if it came to it he’d kill anyone who even looked at you wrong.

And he had messed it all up. Even before the world ended he had never been any good at the whole dating thing. His job took up most of his time and when he got home he was tired and more content to spend the evening with Sarah than some woman.

He knew he liked you, it was a slow thing at first, he tried to keep you at arm’s length, tried to avoid you and distance himself but damn it if you were persistent. Tommy told him you were good, somehow even after all the doom and gloom you still found a way to be way kinder than people deserved.

It was Ellie that forced you into his life though. She wasn’t a stupid kid, not by any means, and she could tell that Joel liked you. So one day when Joel had gotten up from the sofa to make dinner not too long after she’d gotten in from school Ellie told him she’d invited you over to join them.

The look on Joel’s face was one Ellie had not seen before, he was torn between being pissed at her for springing it on him but he was also flustered, stammering out something unintelligible before demanding she help him cook seeing as she was inviting people over.

He had thought dinner would be awkward, full of stilted silences but seemed to forget that was impossible when Ellie was there. She must have asked you a hundred questions that night, one after the other, Joel had been tempted to tell her to calm it after the first thirty but you were smiling and answering them all, shooting them back at her and Joel couldn’t stop the smile that twitched at his lips.

From then on it became a regular occurrence, you joining them for dinner, most of the time you brought dessert that had Ellie grinning and swiping it from you before you even had a foot in the door. It was domestic in a way, listening as Joel scolded her with no real heat as he let you into the house and you automatically joined him in the kitchen to help finish up the meal. He scolded you for that too insisting you were a guest but you always shook him off with a laugh.

From there it went on, you stayed for longer after dinner was finished, Joel broke out the board games and grouched to himself when he was beaten by you whilst Ellie laughed at his misery. That turned into staying until Joel sent Ellie to bed and he saw you out.

Eventually it got to the point where you were staying long after Ellie had gone upstairs, you and Joel moving closer together on the couch until you were pressed against each other. Each of you usually had a drink and the conversations you had covered pretty much everything, at first they stayed on the safe topics of what you had done before the outbreak and other mundane things but eventually you started opening up to each other, Joel told you about Sarah, you told him how you were the only one who made it from your family.

Joel had never met anybody like you. He was right in his earlier assumption that you were too damn kind for your own good. Joel had told you things that should have sent you running, should have had you keeping as much distance between you and him as you possibly could have. Instead you had taken his hand in yours and rested your head on his shoulder before telling him he had done the right thing, that he had protected Ellie and that was the best thing he could do.

He didn’t know how you’d managed to survive out on your own for so long before coming across this place, too trusting and too nice, but somehow you had and he had never been more thankful.

It had taken months for Joel to finally even admit to himself that he was already halfway in love with you. At the point he had you had practically moved in with them, more and more of your things kept finding their way into their house, you fell asleep on the sofa and help Joel make breakfast before walking Ellie to school and heading to your own job only to meet back up with the girl afterwards and head to their house.

Ellie was a pain about it all, she wanted you and Joel together and she kept coming up with reasons to excuse herself giving you and Joel time together whilst shooting him a look each time she left the room. Joel could only ever roll his eyes at the look but even he could admit it was getting annoying now.

He wanted you, he didn’t know how it had happened but he wanted you and he knew despite everything you knew, despite the fact that he probably wasn’t the best thing for you, you wanted him too.

It took him a few more weeks to finally decide to just jump in head first and see what happened. So after cleaning up from dinner and playing a few games in the living room Ellie excused herself with a pointed look at Joel and this time instead of the half hearted glare he gave her each night he just nodded his head slightly and watched as she gawked at him before disappearing up the stairs, a soft yes escaping her as she left.

You had been able to tell Joel was nervous and usually if something was setting Joel off you’d be on edge too but considering it was just the two of you pressed shoulder to shoulder on the sofa you had hoped you could see where this night might lead. You’d been waiting for Joel to make a move for a long time now, not wanting to be the first to do it with how closed off Joel had been when you first met and then not wanting to ruin the friendship you had patiently formed with him. It was for the better to let Joel take the lead, even if it had been months of waiting.

He had watched your face shift from questioning to realisation and amusement as you settled even closer to him and waited. Of course you knew why he was nervous, some days it felt like you knew every damn thought in his head before he did.

He didn’t bother wasting anymore time, didn’t bother with words that felt stuck in his throat that could never do justice for how he felt for you, instead he just reached up to cup your cheek with a gentleness that had surprised you and leaned in towards you, stopping you before he touched your lips to give you a chance to pull away.

But you didn’t move, your eyes had fallen closed and your breath hitched despite anticipating this. Joel let himself close the distance between the two of you, let himself take a moment to savour the softness of your lips against his chapped ones before the kiss turned hungry, months and months of pent up pinning all channelled into one kiss.

From there nothing between either of you was ever really defined but it didn’t matter, Joel didn’t need any labels to let him know that he was in love with you. Nothing much really changed either after you started dating, it was only a few months after that kiss that Joel finally helped you bring your stuff around to their house and the three of you quickly got your stuff unpacked and you were settled in like you had never not been there.

Joel didn’t realise how empty, how lonely, he was before settling down, before having you and Ellie together, the pair of you at the kitchen table, heads bent together working on her homework, spending the nights with you curled up against him, listening to you laugh as he tried to kick you out of the kitchen as he cooked.

Really he should have known better, past experience should have taught him something, should have made him more cautious, but he had jumped head first in and now it was blowing up in his face.

It had been months, he couldn’t even really remember what that damn fight that made you walk out of the door with tears in your eyes was about. All he could remember was that it was the end of September, a time that always left him emotionally fragile at the best of times, and you had questioned whether he should be the one to go out on the supply run.

You hadn’t been anything but your sweet, soft spoken self, there wasn’t any judgement in your tone, no demands he stay inside the gates, just a simple are you sure you’re ok enough to do this. Joel being the absolute idiot that he was had gone and blown it out of proportion, honestly he was just picking a fight for the sake of it, he had so much anger and hurt and sadness in him that day and he took it out on you.

You who had been an absolute saving grace in this whole mess of a world, you who had stood by him no matter what, you who woke up in the night with whispered words and soothing touches when he shot up sweaty and panting and never forced him to talk about it before he was ready.

He had just kept going and going, yelling at you when you were the last person on this god forsaken planet who deserved it. He kept going until you took a deep breath and nodded, tears in your eyes and turned, walking out of the front door and not sparing him another glance.

It had been months since then, it was well into autumn now, the sky turning dark faster and the leaves turning brown. He hadn’t spoken to you once, he wanted to so badly but he knew he had messed up.

Ellie had called him every name she could think of to get him to see what an idiotic jerk he had been but he didn’t need her to tell him, he was well aware. He was aware of just how bad he messed up, hated himself for leaving it for so long but after he had calmed down and put the bottle of whiskey Tommy had given him months back away he couldn’t bring himself to talk to you.

He regretted it every day and wished he could just follow Ellie’s advice to suck it up and knock on her door you fucking idiot but time kept passing and it felt like too long had gone.

Joel was an idiot, you knew that, but you also knew he wasn’t used to letting other people in. Sure you and Ellie had somehow managed to chip at his walls long enough to slip past his defences and he was trying but you knew it was hard for him.

Spring and summer with Joel had been perfect, the two of you had only grown closer since you’d started dating and you loved the man, emotionally stunted as he was. You knew he had good days and you knew he had terrible ones, ones that left him in bed the whole day, words stuck in his throat as he grunted answers at you.

You didn’t mind, you had never minded. The world was a cruel place now and though Joel had told you a lot of what he’d gone through since the outbreak you knew there were things he hadn’t told you yet and that was ok too, you never pushed, especially not when there were things you kept to yourself.

When you had left his house that day you knew it would end one of two ways, Joel would come and find you once he had a few nights to calm down, to get past the day that haunted him from so many years back. You got it, you really did, it had been years since you lost your family and whenever an anniversary came around you didn’t want to do more than curl into Joel’s arms, hiding away whilst you cried into his chest.

The other option was that Joel would avoid you like you were a damn clicker, making sure the two of you were never in the same room whilst he licked his wounds. You hated that that was the option he went with. It wasn’t just months of dating that just ended one day but it was months of friendship before that. You were so used to his house that when you asked Tommy for yours back and he agreed with a sad look on his face it felt like you were in a stranger's house despite having lived there for years before Joel and Ellie showed up.

There was no more dancing around the kitchen as you cooked, no more stolen kisses and laughter filling the house. Instead you were alone in a house too big for you, cold and empty and missing Joel.

Of course you weren’t entirely lonely, you and Joel might not have been talking but you had to admit you were surprised when Ellie showed up at your door a few mornings after your fight with Joel, backpack on and demanding you walk her to school. You weren’t complaining of course and you didn’t complain when you walk past the school a few hours later and Ellie attached herself to your side, it was the closest she would come to giving either of you comfort but you took it silently and didn’t push her away when she walked into your house and made herself comfortable.

You were glad he hadn’t cut Ellie off from you, not that you ever thought he would and even if he did you knew Ellie would never allow it. Ellie was unlike anyone you’d ever met, so much of Joel in here and yet she was entirely her own person, so quick on her feet, always ready for a fight whilst silently always wanting some assurance that things were good and safe.

You didn’t even care how much time passed honestly, if Joel were to knock at your door now and apologise you’d have him back a second later. All you wanted was an apology, you might have been kind but it didn’t mean you would let people treat you wrong, you hadn’t survived twenty odd years in this new world by letting people walk all over you.

Most nights you lay in bed, the sound of people moving around outside could be heard but you blocked it out as your mind wandered. You always wished Joel would come to you, you dreamed about seeing him and watching as he stammered out an apology that he wasn’t used to giving before you would finally feel his arms around you again. You just wished he would show up and everything could go back to normal.

At the same time you were laying awake night after night missing the feeling of Joel’s arms around you, Joel was tossing and turning in his own bed that felt too empty without you in it with him. He ended up kicking the blankets off him more nights than not and forcing his feet into his boots, checking on Ellie to make sure she was safe and sleeping before quietly making his way out of the house.

Walking the lengths of the community didn’t really make it easier to dull the ache but he is able to sort through his thoughts easier than when he’s laying in bed staring up at the ceiling. The cold autumn air made him tug his coat tighter around himself as his thoughts went back to you.

God, you were the first person he had ever pictured something with, the first person he had wanted a relationship, a future, with. He had never seen himself as the type of person that would fall in love with somebody, for so much of his life he hadn’t had anyone and he had been fine with that but now he had had you and he wanted you back more than anything.

Night after night he found his feet walking unconsciously to your house. Each night he would stand at the closed door, pacing the length of the porch before turning back to the door and raising his fist. Whilst you were inside wishing he would knock he was sighing to himself as he lowered his hand and turned away, heading back to his cold bed for another night without you.

“You can’t keep doing this, Joel.” Ellie sighed a few weeks later, her voice uncharacteristically soft for this topic of conversation. “You’re miserable and not sleeping, I hear you sneaking out at night. She’s just as miserable, all she wants is for you to say sorry and then you’ll never have to talk about it again.”

“You don’t get it, Ellie. I messed up and now I’ve left it too damn late, she doesn’t deserve this.” Joel told her, keeping his voice steady even as his hands shook because the kid was right, he was so exhausted and he missed you.

“She loves you, Joel, she never stopped. She hates that house, just…just put everything aside, it doesn’t matter if you think she deserves better, she wants you.” Ellie told him as she stood up and grabbed her backpack. “She misses you and you miss her, you deserve something good, Joel.”

With that she turned to leave and Joel let his head fall into his hands. He knew she was right, he knew he was only making you both miserable and she had a point, no matter how many times he’d told you that you deserved better you always rolled your eyes and shut him up with a kiss, mumbling against his lips for him to stop being stupid.

He thought about that short conversation all day, it was nothing he hadn’t thought of himself but hearing Ellie say it made it sound more reasonable. You both loved each other and that was something rare, why was he so determined to mess it up?

That night he climbed out of bed again, stopping to check in with Ellie and rolling his eyes when he saw she was awake and grinning at him. He shook his head and told her to go to sleep before making his way out of this house. This time he forwent his usual walk of the community and instead made his way to your house hoping you would hear him out.

He didn’t have a speech ready, no grand words to win you back. He’d tried to pull something together but everything sounded forced and strained so he figured he’d see what he came up with when he saw you.

All he really knew was that he missed you and he loved you and even though that was scary, god was it terrifying, you were worth everything.

Now he suddenly understood all that romantic crap Frank prattled on about, about how there was somebody out there for everybody, somebody who would change the way he looked at things, changed the way he saw the world. He had always rolled his eyes when Frank started spouting poetry about love and finding your person even in this new cruel world but now he got it, he got what Bill had said when he read those words about finding the one person worth saving and protecting them because that’s what men like him were here to do and Bill was right, god help any motherfuckers who stood in their way.

Right now the motherfucker standing in the way was himself and he refused to drag this out any longer, if he knocked at your door now and you slammed it in his face then he’d accept it but if there was a chance you’d forgive him then he had to take it.

It wasn’t long before he was at your door and this time he didn’t give himself a chance to linger around, instead his fist knocked on the door and seemed to echo almost too loudly in the dead of the night.

Your heart sped up when you heard the knock on your door, there were only two people it could be and one of those was a young girl who wouldn’t bother with knocking, instead just letting herself in unannounced. The other was the man who had taken up permanent residence in your mind.

You threw a robe over your pyjamas to ward off the chill and slowly made your way down the stairs, trying to prepare yourself for coming face to face with Joel again for the first time in months.

Joel was a damn near nervous wreck as he waited for you to open the door, fists clenched at his sides as he cursed himself for listening to Ellie. You were probably asleep, it was probably for the best you didn’t answer anyway.

Just as he was about to turn and run the door opened and stopped him dead in his tracks. He could only stare at you, frozen in place like a deer in headlights. Ellie had been right, you clearly weren’t sleeping if the dark circles under your eyes were anything to go on, you had clearly been in bed though, hair slightly messy from where you had been tossing and turning and he could see you were wearing his shirt under your robe.

“God, I missed you.” He breathed out and then nearly slapped himself because that wasn’t what he had meant to say at all but the small smile that tugged at your lips was worth the slip up.

“What’re doing here, Joel?” You asked softly, leaning against the door frame and wrapping the robe even tighter around yourself as the air from outside hit you.

“Doing somethin’ I should’ve done a long time ago.” Joel sighed as he straightened up, it was easier now that you were in front of him, easier to breathe, easier to think, easier to speak. “You got every right to hate me, I should never have spoke to you like that and I sure as hell shouldn’t have waited all these months to come apologise. I ain’t gonna stand here and make excuses, I did what I did and I am so sorry, Y/N, I always told you you deserved someone better and I hate that I messed up so bad. I ain’t here asking you to take me back, I miss you like crazy but I get that I waited too long but you need to know I truly am sorry, baby.”

You were silent for about the longest minute of Joel’s life before your smile widened some more and you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting your head against his chest.

Joel froze for a moment, stiff in your hold before you felt him practically melt around you, arms wrapping around your shoulders, one hand coming up to rest against the back of your head as he held you close to him, savouring the way you felt against him after months of doubting if he’d ever feel you again.

“That’s all I was waiting for, I just wanted an apology.” You murmured into his chest and Joel took a shaky breathing. “I love you, Joel, that never changed.”

“I love you too, you know that don’t you, baby?” He asked and you looked up at him, smile still in place as you nodded and reached up to press your lips to his.

Joel let himself be pulled into the kiss, let it stay soft and slow as he cupped the back of your head to pull you closer. Eventually the two of you pulled away, unable to do more than just smile at each other.

“We’re good?” Joel whispered as he leaned his forehead against yours, feeling as you nodded again.

“Yeah, we’re good.” You said softly causing Joel to lean down for another kiss before he pulled away again.

“Go put your shoes on, it’s about time you came home.” He told you, keeping his voice soft and low.

You didn’t hesitate to turn around and slip your feet into the first pair of shoes you found by the door, just as desperate to go home as Joel seemed to be to have you there. The two of you didn’t speak as you walked the short distance back to the house, Joel tucking you under his arm with both of you thankful that you were coming back.

Both of you were exhausted, it had been months of sleepless nights without the other and it seemed to hit the pair of you the second you were wrapped up under the blanket, you curled into Joel’s chest as his arms rested around you. Immediately you felt your eyes close, too heavy to keep open and Joel struggled to pry his open.

“Glad you’re back home, Y/N/N.” Joel murmured into your hair and you could only hum and nod tiredly against his chest. “Gonna spend the rest of my life treatin’ you right.”

“Love you, Joel.” You whispered into his chest and Joel smiled tiredly as he pressed a kiss against your hair.

“I love you too, baby.” Joel whispered back and forced himself to stay awake until he heard you breathing even out and he was sure you were asleep.

The next morning Ellie couldn’t contain her smug grin as she came downstairs to the sound of laughter and music from the record player. Joel was the first one to see her and he couldn’t even pretend to glare at her, he owed that kid more than she knew and this was just another thing to add to the list, without her he sure as hell wouldn’t have pulled his head out of his ass and fixed things between you and him before they became too broken.

You were more than happy to have your routine back, cooking and laughing with Joel, sitting at the table making easy conversation with the two people you loved most in the world, glad that your wish was answered and Joel had finally knocked at your door to bring you home.

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