i used to follow so many random spiritual blogs without doing much actual work in looking into what they stand for when i was a teenager im still dealing w the repercussions today

"Stop using Yangchen for your shitty argument."

So, I was browsing the anti Aang tag around a week ago I think and I came upon a post that displayed frustration for people who condemn Aang not wanting to kill Ozai. I'm not 100% sure that this was targeted at my post specifically, but as I did use Yangchen, I do want to clarify how I interpret her words as well as the other past lives' advice and Aang's reaction.

(Here's my first post if you haven't read it: https://www.tumblr.com/sapphic-agent/745211292168732672/lets-talk-about-how-book-3-ruined-aang?source=share)

This person's main argument centered around how the previous Avatars never actually told Aang to kill Ozai. That their words were for him to interpret. And I actually agree. One of my central arguments was that this was a choice Aang had to make.

The thing is though, Aang himself absolutely interpreted their messages as him having to kill Ozai. That's why he gets so frustrated ("I knew I shouldn't have asked Kyoshi") and keeps cycling through them until he gets the answer he wants. Let's go through exactly what they all said to him.

Roku: If I had been more decisive and acted sooner, I could have stopped Sozin and stopped the war before it started. I offer you this wisdom, Aang, you must be decisive.

Roku tells Aang to be decisive. Which means he's urging Aang to make a decision. And this is perfectly in-line with what I said previously. He has to be able to make a choice between his morals/beliefs and his responsibility as the Avatar, as Roku failed to choose between his attachment to Sozin and his responsibility as the Avatar. That's what Roku's saying and that's exactly how Aang understands it.

Kyoshi: Personally, I don't really see the difference, but I assure you, I would have done whatever it took to stop Chin. I offer you this wisdom, Aang, only justice will bring peace.

Kyoshi's advice actually makes it less about Aang and more about Ozai. He needs to face justice so that the world can know peace. She, like Roku, does not say kill Ozai, she says bring him to justice. Aang's later actions are actually very much in-line with that. He does bring Ozai to justice through his own means. But again, that's not how Aang interpreted her advice. He takes it to mean do what she did, which is why he's salty about it after she disappears.

Kuruk: If I had been more attentive and more active, I could've saved her. Aang, you must actively shape your own destiny and the destiny of the world.

Again, Kuruk's words imply murder even less than Kyoshi's. He tells Aang to be active, to embrace his responsibility to the world and its fate as the Avatar. This is something Aang has struggled with since the beginning of the show so it makes sense that Kuruk would say this. But again, Aang takes it as something he doesn't want to hear. He either thinks that Kuruk is implying that he has to kill Ozai or that he thinks Kuruk is saying to be more active as the Avatar (if it's the latter, that makes Aang look worse because it's advice he's still unhappy with).

(I'd also like to add that Aang isn't looking for alternatives from his past lives. Or at least, he isn't just looking for alternatives. He's looking for one of them to validate him not wanting to kill Ozai and offer advice based on that. Which is why he says, "Maybe an Air Nomad Avatar will understand where I'm coming from." So them not giving him alternatives is not why he's upset)

Yangchen: Many great and wise Air Nomads have detached themselves and achieved spiritual enlightenment, but the Avatar can never do it. Because your sole duty is to the world. Here is my wisdom for you. Selfless duty calls you to sacrifice your own spiritual needs, and do whatever it takes to protect the world.

Out of everyone, Yangchen is probably the closest one to telling Aang he has to kill Ozai. She directly tells him that he has to sacrifice his spiritual needs, which heavily implies that she means go against what the monks taught him and end Ozai for the sake of the world. And that's absolutely how Aang understands it. He even says out loud, "I guess I don't have a choice, Momo. I have to kill the Fire Lord."

So yes, I 100% agree that their advice was up to Aang's interpretation. But what this person- and Aang stans in general- seemed to miss is that Aang himself interpreted their advice as him having to kill Ozai.

Now, does he have to follow their advice? Absolutely not. In Yangchen's words from the Kyoshi novels, "You could spend a thousand years talking to us and you still wouldn't know how best to guide the world." Their advice is just that, advice. Their words aren't law and shouldn't be regarded as such (especially not Roku's, he's consistently given terrible advice/direction).

Hell, in my original post I said I didn't think he had to kill Ozai. Just that he should have had to make the choice between his beliefs and responsibility and face the consequences of that choice. The only reason I brought up the past Avatars at all is because I was pointing out that he refused to accept answers (not just from them, but also from the Gaang) he didn't want to hear. And when he finally did accept it, he was immediately spared from having to make the choice by the Lion Turtle

Personalization Prompt #2 – Ketchup

BLACK: what face claim from an anime, comic book, or cartoon do I associate with you?

Oh, this was a hard one! Of course, there’s that sort of lean towards your icon or plain out just seeing you as Apple, but just taking a step back, I think I have to go with a cartoon character here instead of an anime character, but Audrey Ramirez from Atlantis: The Lost Empire, is probably the closest I could come to how I picture you!

WHITE: what flame type and box weapon do I think you’d have in the khr!verse?

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but there’s a couple different ideas I do have for you as far as Flame types go. Of course, because of your impressive creativity and interesting ways of thinking, there is the desire to put you as a Mist Flame, since you are someone who could easily create things with that brilliant mind of yours. However, overall, I do think you give off the Aura of someone with a Rain Flame slightly more, so I do have you as a Rain Flame type. As far as box weapons go, I definitely think a Rain raven box weapon would be what you use, because of the obvious spiritual, emotional, and intellectual beliefs around the bird. In my head, it normally perches on your shoulder but it can fly around, spreading the Flames over a fairly wide area or it has the added ability of being able to calm and almost tranquilize whoever it lands on that is not you.

RED: what aesthetics do I associate with you?

The smell of home-cooked meals and the act of making food alongside friends or family, with shared laughs and memories to treasure forever. Backpacking abroad, new adventures with every step of a hiking boot clad foot. Calm and peacefulness. Kindness, always choosing to reach out a hand to those in need. Intelligence and compassion mingling beautifully. Thesis papers. Always having multiple things on the go, always moving and doing and thinking. Soft music in the background, soothing the soul. Bright smiles and sun-bathed skin. Soft faux-fur.

BLUE: what are three songs I’d put on a playlist for you?

LOST BOY, ruth b.

A CLOSE FRIEND, james newton howard

I SWALLOWED HARD, LIKE I UNDERSTOOD, 65daysofstatic

YELLOW: what fictional world out of all my fandoms would I picture you in?

Obviously, hands down, it’s Katekyo Hitman Reborn. However, I could easily see you fitting into both the Nanbaka, Servamp, and Saiyuki universes!

GREEN: who would I pair you with out of all my fandoms?

Obviously, for KHR it’s Reborn. For K Project, it’s Munakata. For Nanbaka, it’s Jyugo. For Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun! it’s Goemon. For Bungou Stray Dogs, it’s Akutagawa. For Servamp, it’s Tsurugi. For Saiyuki, it’s Hakkai. For Eyeshield 21, it’s Kid. For Ronin Warriors, it’s Rowen. For Kekkaishi, it’s Makio. For GetBackers, it’s Emishi. For Black Cat, it’s Train. For Karneval, it’s Gareki. For Gangsta., it’s Nic. For Bleach, it’s Byakuya. For Naruto, it’s Kakashi. For Deadman Wonderland, it’s Nagi. For Ouran, it’s the twins, both of them. For Durarara!!, it’s Kadota. For Yu Yu Hakusho, it’s Kuwabara. For Gintama, it’s Kondo. For Mystic Messenger, it’s Yoosung. For Ikemen Revolution, it’s Kyle. For Blush Blush, it’s Cashew. For Date Warp, it’s Nathaniel. For Hatoful Boyfriend, it’s Sakuya. For The Outsiders, it’s Sodapop. For Class of the Titans, it’s Neil. For Ultimate Spider-Man, it’s Harry. For Gravity Falls, it’s Stan. For The Mighty Ducks, it’s Adam. For The Covenant, it’s Tyler. For Jungle Fury, it’s Dom. For Ninja Storm, it’s Cam. For Mystic Force, it’s Nick.

PURPLE: what gif reminds me of you?

PINK: if you were an AU, what type of AU would you be?

Maybe I’m being influenced by recent conversations we’ve had, but I do think it would be an isekai AU, based around platonic bonds and building a found family 😊

RAINBOW: if i were to write a khr sequel, following Tsuna’s demise, and could only use my reader’s as characters, who would you be?

Okay, I have two ideas…bear with me as they’re both kind of implausible, but I like to believe fun nonetheless. We’re going to set aside the fact that going canon means there will be no future generations of Arcobaleno, but if there were, I’d see you as the next Rain Arcobaleno. Otherwise, I see you as part of the Vongola, as one of the medical team…as in, someone finally realized how important mental health is in the Mafia and you work alongside the doctors and nurses helping the Family members maintain their mental health and you have friends and family and loved ones and your life, despite being a part of the Mafia goes nice and peacefully and you’re treasured and valued and it’s all nice and soft and peaceful and I like that for you.

does Etheria have politics?

(going back and reading this, I realize how much of my writing is just stream of consciousness.)

OKAY SO

I feel like by now everyone here knows that I spend way too much time thinking about unnecessary details when I should really be writing, but what else can I do to procrastinate other than spend time building the story.

ANYWAYS

This is going to be the more unhinged version of that previous post, since when I wrote it, I was feeling very academic after doing some anthropology in government homework, but now I'm just trying to pull things from memory.

ALSO

Google has been extremely helpful in helping me clarify a lot of things, so some of the theories will be pulled from the wiki of the original 80's show, the reboot, and some of my own thoughts.

I know there's a post of the whole galactic hierarchy, but for the purposes of this post, I will be focusing on the politics of Etheria itself. I might also make a separate post about spiritual beliefs, but I make no promises.

So for history, not much is known (at least to me) about Angella's predecessors or how they came to be in power of Bright Moon, but as with everything that can't be explained, I'd like to chalk it up to magic and the connection to the Moonstone. Also, because Micah isn't a direct descendant of that line, I would see him as more of a Consort instead of acting monarch. I would believe he's a close political and strategical advisor, as we saw how much of a prevalent role he had in the beginning of the war, but that's about it. Although after the war, I believe he goes back to doing King things to give Glimmer some respite from having a whole kingdom on her shoulders.

Also, I know it's not cannon, but there is hot gossip in Etheria, and I'd like to believe that there's news reports for each village, and a worldwide newspaper. Is it called The Daily Etherian? Perhaps.

Down to the nitty gritty:

So I've kinda created a flow chart in my head about the people in power in Etheria. First, there's the planet as a whole, obviously, and unlike Earth, the separated countries, in my opinion work together. To relate it to something I know, I choose to think about the EU. I would also believe that Etheria kind of works in the way that the US does, but the EU is more international, so that's why I'm using that. Also, I wouldn't think that villages had presidents, I think the highest you should be able to go is Mayor or like Elder.

So basically there's kingdoms, regions, sects, and factions that all work together in the political system, with the only region known of is the Crimson Waste, which contains a faction of people who are outlaws/ex-horde/or chose to leave their kingdoms. For kingdoms, there are the standard Bright Moon, Plumeria, Salineas, Dryl, Mystacor, Kingdom of Snows, and the Scorpioni. But there are also some that aren't mentioned that hold Royalty such as the Star Siblings, Prince Peekablue, and Sweet Bee. Those kingdoms won't be considered too much in this analysis, but they are factored into the greater whole.

Side note: where does She-Ra live? Does she not get a kingdom? Where would she go if Adora didn't stay in Bright Moon? Is that all she's going to get, a spare room in Bright Moon? Is the Crystal Castle just a place for training and information or can it be used as an actual castle?

Also, is Madame Razz a part of a village or does she just live in the woods like Bow's parents? Are there a lot more like them, or is it just them? IDK

That then got me to thinking about the every day grievances that the townspeople may have. While it isn't mentioned, it is known that there are villages fairly close in relation to the kingdoms, so I'd like to believe that these villages are governed by the kingdoms they are closest to. We also know that there are Mayors and Elders, and most likely Shamans, and Spiritual Advisors in existence in Etheria, so I'd like to imagine they all work similarly for simplifying purposes.

Also, I'd like to say that each Princess may choose how involved they are with the surrounding kingdom. For example, Perfuma is very involved in her community, but the other Princesses remain in their respective Castles and don't interact with the people in the villages.

So for example, if a townsperson had a grievance, they probably wouldn't immediately go to Queen Angella for it to be solved. They'd most likely go to the Mayor of their village, then to the acting Princess/Prince/Queen/King of the surrounding Kingdom, then to Queen Angella. And that would be a totally different thing for the town in Bright Moon, they'd probably go directly to Queen Angella, or the towns representative.

ALSO

If for no other reason than transportation purposes, I'd like to believe Etheria is smaller than your average planet. Maybe during the war, everyone stays in Bright Moon in their rooms, maybe they all travel extremely quickly. But how in the heck does it take them so quickly to get from place to place to village to village. Is it a short walk? Am I too reliant on Glimmer's teleportation devices? The world may never know.

Okay now for the laws. I'd assume there's a basic law that governs Etheria, kind of like the constitution, but then it'd also be broken up into different laws that are associated with different kingdoms/villages. For example, why would a landlocked village have a fishing ordinance? That would most likely work best in Salineas.

We also know that the biggest form of commerce in Etheria is trade. Plumeria probably provides textiles and crops, Salineas would be boats/the seafood market, etc. I believe that's how every kingdom keeps their pockets full. There might be different regulations in every kingdom about the different kinds of trade they have there. I know there is a monetary unit, and it's most likely coins, but I have no idea what each coin would equal and how valuable it is, given that most Etherians live humbly.

NOW ONTO THE HORDE

We know, according to like earth's standards, what the Horde is doing in the show is terrible. Like actually horrible. I'd generally just use the Geneva Convention's standards, because that is pretty much what a lot of us would go by. There is a wiki page on the different war crimes that the Horde, Glimmer and Horde Prime all had during the show, so that was pretty cool to look at. I'm just genuinely interested on how it wasn't stopped quicker and how it escalated to be such a big problem. But that's a post for an entirely different day.

How does Etheria have a trial?

So, similarly to the grievances scenario I had thought of, I'd assume that's how the court system would work as well. Also, what would the punishments be? Does Bright Moon even have a prison? Are there even police? How are civil disputes settled? Do people get divorced? Do people abuse? I'd assume they're capable of it, if what we saw from the Horde was anything to go by. Then again, that could have just been the influence of Hordak.

ANYWAYS

For little cases, I'm pretty sure that they can be settled among the village, but for big disasters such as what happened in Plumeria, they'd probably need the help from other Kingdoms or even just Queen Angella herself.

Big trials take place in Bright Moon, kind of like Supreme Court ones. Shadow Weaver’s will be a bit different though. For hers, it's not going to be much of a spoiler, but it's the explanation that I didn't know how to fit into the fic without making it sound like I'm forcing it in there. It's supposed to be common knowledge for everyone there, so they wouldn't think to explain it to an outside audience.

Especially for this, since it was directly associated with the Alliance, think of the Princess Alliance as a jury, but instead of jurors, they're treating it more as an election with representative democracy, with each Princess being the representative. Because Shadow Weaver is the last remaining head of the Horde besides Adora, who had no willing part in the Battle of the Whispering Woods, she will get a full tribunal.

That means there will be an audience, no "lawyers" or whatever the Etherian equivalent would be, and all of the Princesses will be there to give their input since her destruction affects their kingdoms, even though they aren't a part of the Princess Alliance. This is basically just a "we know you committed x, y, and z crimes, we're going to make you aware of them and decide what to do with you."

I was genuinely thinking about having the Horde become a prison, but I just don't think anyone would go for that. Having a condensed population of criminals in a place that just so happens to house the leading faction of people the rebellion we’re fighting against doesn’t sit right. Maybe each kingdom should have their own version of a jail. Would they need a jail? How many bad guys are there?

Uncultured and Alone

I wasn’t raised with a religion,

I wasn’t raised without it either.

Death never had anything to lose or gain,

It was information and beliefs for myself to gather.

They never took me to church,

But they would answer my questions about Gods.

‘Depends on who you ask’ they’d say.

They taught me about miracles defying the odds,

And about possible sciences at play,

And about spiritual practices, theories, mythologies, and frauds.

But only the basics, unless I asked for more.

I wasn’t raised with one diet,

The diet they raised me with changed often.

They gave me the freedom to choose it,

To learn,

To decide for myself how to care for my body.

My parents raised me with freedom.

They taught me to question everything,

And to find the answers that work best for me.

Which I am grateful for.

I don’t need to walk a path,

I walk through a field of wild grass and flowers,

A field that I study and learn about as I go.

I learned only recently about the term agnostic

And I think that’s how I was raised.

No culture, no religion, no political beliefs

But at the same time;

Every culture, religion, and political belief.

Just a free sample of everything

So I can decide what I like best…

But here’s the thing

I can’t decide.

I stand in my field,

The scent of wild untamed flowers,

The fireflies at night,

The mosquitoes at day

The snakes unseen in the long, untrimmed grass

The dancing in the wind,

The streaks of clouds above

The butterflies on my arms

And the ants on my feet

And the music of crows and robins alike

And the dragon fly valiantly saving me from the mosquitos mentioned earlier

And a fox in the distance that watches me

And the wolves that nod

And the bear passing through

And the song of the River

And the weaving of grass

As I sit and tie knots

For no real purpose other than to feel in control of my hands

This is my religion

But it’s a religion I have alone

One that only makes sense to me.

There are no rules, well maybe there’s a few.

Survive is one, do whatever it takes to be able to safely survive in your natural state.

Care is another, but not if it burns you at the stake,

Even if it’s tempting to care for everyone no matter how much you burn,

Care for everyone that takes the time to earn

Your trust, your kindness, your attention and respect.

They must give such things in turn.

I think that’s all the rules I try to follow,

But it isn’t always easy.

Everyone else was raised with rules,

Rules far more complicated than mine.

In order to interact with anyone,

I have to learn rules within minutes that they learned over a life time.

And every person has a different rule book

And mine is just a collection of free samples.

I think the closest thing to my beliefs is the Indigenous

I feel drawn to their culture more than any other

But with my light skin and my ignorance,

And my doubts that I could learn their language and follow their rules,

I doubt that culture is meant for me.

I do have their blood in me,

But only faintly, my mother’s grandfather,

And he had the culture drained out of him

So I’m not sure how to reconnect

Or if I even have the right to

Since most of my blood is the blood of those that did the draining

Then there’s paganism

The crystals and candles and talking to Gods

But none of my blood is Celtic, as far as I know

And while I feel drawn to learning about their Fae,

And I feel at home with this fantastical idea of nature,

I again have the blood of those that did the draining

Those that took that from them

And I don’t ever know if I’m learning the rules right

There’s so many different versions

I have no guide

No one that cares about teaching me, personally, these rules

So do I dare step into any religions,

With their trip wires and paths to follow

Or should I stay in this field

Tie knots into grass

And continue building a culture I cannot explain

So no one can join it

And I’ll stay alone

In these beautiful plains

I don’t have a community either

Perhaps I have the disability community,

But that is a community made of warriors

Tired warriors that tend to remain individuals.

The LGBTQ+ community I stumbled upon accidentally

I followed a page for a rainbow house knowing nothing about it

I wasn’t taught to hate them

But it wasn’t made clear that they existed at all

I followed the page thinking it was about Autism

“Rainbow’s a better colour than blue” I had been told.

But it wasn’t.

And I learned.

And for awhile I was a straight ally

Then I missed an old friend and looked on old pictures and reflected

After years of questioning I realized I liked girls

And now I understand humanity is not boy or girl

It is a spectrum

Everything is a spectrum

And each person is different

And so is each dragon fly

Which added to my religion

But that’s not the point of this verse.

I don’t feel like I belong to that community,

Even though technically I’m part of it.

I don’t have religious trauma,

All I have are free samples.

I’m too exhausted to fight the system

I’ve been fighting it since I was eight

Since before I was born really,

but only consciously fighting it after the second of April in second grade

I don’t feel like I’m part of this world really.

I wasn’t raised with a religion, or a political belief,

Or a culture, or a community.

I was raised in isolation, in a family of introverts,

In a segregated program at school,

And my skin is white but my body hair is dark,

And my features are broad but European

And my feet are large and flat and shoe shopping is impossible

And I’m plus sized without ‘spice’

And I’m a picky eater

And I jump from one thing to another

Having difficulty getting anywhere past free samples.

I think I’m just an observer

Watching as groups that were drained by the same people fight against each other

Watching as the draining continues

Balancing loneliness and exhaustion

Navigating this orderly chaos

Or relaxing in lonely freedom

Watching as people are drained

And if I try to stop it my voice falls on deaf ears

So I stay quiet,

but people see my light skin and think I have a voice

I don’t

I don’t have a voice

I don’t have a culture

I don’t have a guide

I don’t have a rule book

I don’t have a way to explain how I see the world in a way that others can understand

Because the way I see the world has been learnt over a life time

And you only give me a few minutes to explain

Just like you only give me a few minutes to learn.

Religion, Family, Beliefs and Abuse

March 12, 2023

                 Have you ever found yourself in a crowded room and had the impression that everyone was staring at you with eyes full of judgment, watching everything you were doing? Have you ever experienced something similar like this while you were inside a church? This is how I feel because I have experienced spiritual abuse at the hands of people in churches as well as members of my own family. I had the overwhelming urge to talk about this with other people struggling with the same things that I am. My religion has made it hard for me to find peace, comfort, and hope all my life. My faith and relationship with God are strong, so I feel I'm risking myself by voicing out. I felt like I was evil, but I can't say it any other way.

                Since I was a young child, I have always put the teachings of my religion into practice, and I have always believed what the preacher at my church has to say. I was indoctrinated with warped beliefs that were intended to keep me completely submissive, under control, and under their authority. I am always willing to assist with church activities and events, and I volunteer a significant amount of my time to our religious community. I believe that lending a hand, especially in our church, is a good deed, and that doing so will bring God's blessing upon me. My family instilled a deep faith in God in me at a young age. I was born into this religion because both of my parents are devout followers of it. I have always thought that everything I do is good as long as I follow the rules of my religion.

                 I have always thought that everything I do is good as long as I follow the rules of my religion.

                After I started high school, I  had a lot more things to do because I was always in the best rankings on the leaderboard and I was also a member of the student council. Because of this, I had a lot of responsibilities to take care of at school. The high expectations that my parents have set for me have put me under a lot of pressure. They have always anticipated that I would achieve a very high grade. Because of this, I became anxious about my grades, and as a result, I constantly studied. Because I'm used to doing what my parents want, I believe that if I do well in school, they will be pleased with my achievement. I make it a habit to pray and ask God to bless my academic performance. 

                As time went on, I got busier. Now, despite how busy I am, I still try to find time to attend worship services twice a week. Although I am unable to volunteer my time in the programs that our church offers, I do try to make time for worship and reflection. Because they took offense at this so much, my parents have decided that they will withhold financial support from me if I miss even a single service at our church. Going to school when one does not have money can be a challenging and fruitless endeavor. I didn't understand why I was being punished. As a result, I started paying closer attention to my surroundings, and I had a lot of epiphanies. My parents are always telling me that it is a sin to put my studies ahead of my church service responsibilities. They say that the people who are closest to me are to blame, and that they are the ones who are driving me to behave badly. When I was only trying to make them happy, I often find myself wondering what I could have done wrong to cause them to say such things.

                They have always been overly protective of me, ever since I was a young child. They won't let me go outside to play, and when I was a teenager, they wouldn't let me hang out with my friends because they don't like them. They won't even let me go to the mall. They always told me that I should choose my friends, and that those friends should be members of our religion. I had to do what they told me to do because I think it was for my own good. 

                 To the point where I felt like a puppet on a string, my parents' strict rules and expectations had me feeling trapped and bewildered. Every choice I make should be in line with what our church teaches. They began to enforce their rules more strictly, to the point where they now prevent me from carrying out activities that are required for school. How disheartening it must be when members of one's own family stand in the way of one's efforts to make a better future for oneself. Because I am so confused, I can't help but wonder if this is God's will for my life. What should I do? But I know God doesn't want his child to suffer, and that strengthens my faith. I know I haven't done anything to deserve this, and it's not fair.

                 Always when I pray, I ask God to enlighten my path and give me the strength to continue. I've realized the importance of always being aware of my surroundings. As I reflected on my own life, beliefs, and morality, I held up a mirror and compared myself to those of my church community. These people wore their masks so that they could conceal who they really were sinful. They think so highly of themselves that they are entitled to judge me as if they were God. They are nothing more than hypocrites who pass judgment too quickly. My family's minds have been tainted by these religions, and good people have been driven away from our lives simply because they hold different beliefs. I don't want to have a grudge, but people have treated me badly because of what I believe, and this was too much.

                Religion serves only to divide us and cause conflict with one another. I don't even know what to call myself, but I do know that I don't want to be a part of any religion because of the complicated beliefs that come along with it. I only want to believe in God, and he is the only one worthy of my faith. Someone is engaging in spiritual abuse when they silence or intimidate another person in the name of God, the Bible, or any other religious or spiritual belief system. Power, control, manipulation, gaslighting, threats, and isolation all contribute to spiritual abuse. It can also be related to verbal, physical, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse. The use of the Bible and God to humiliate and inflict harm on another person is a form of spiritual abuse that can lead to a rupture in one's relationship with God as well as with oneself and with other people.

Believing in Yourself, and Allah swt

Many times growing up, I had an internal conflict between my heart and my mind. 

I was very independent as a youth and in turn stubborn and afraid to ask for help. Whenever God came calling, I instinctively turned away from Him, choosing to see things thru in my own manner. I was doing fine (on the outside), and I did it, seemingly, alone. Why would I need to listen to anyone about God? Is he even real?

Overtime, life became more and more strenuous. The more I stressed, the more Allah’s mercy tried to grace me. The sorry truth is, the more I turned away from His guidance, the more I became aware of His will and the more His will was readily and visibly apparent in my life. From uncanny coincidences, to close calls and strange peace found only in the darkest moments, Allah swt was working the world around me, and inside me. 

As I chased for the truth and searched for what made me happy, I became more aware of what it was I was attempting to manifest. Of course, I was in manifest error, and shot for the wrong targets. Still, along the way, I became familiar with the strange feeling of peace, and comfortable with it. Whenever I experienced evidence of manifest truth, I clung desperately to the moment in hopes I could capture the feeling to recreate it and produce a constant stream of it in my life. 

In time, I saw doors open up for me spiritually and found myself studying scripture. This is where I discovered all the answers I was attempting to bring about while in manifest error, and where I realized manifest truth and how perfect the love of our cherishing Sustainer, Almighty Allah swt really is. 

I have since been able to maintain this “strange” peace for extended periods of time. 

I remember when I was younger, I used to compare others to gods. Their charm, skill, or status seemed to deify these humans I seemed to idolize and borderline worship. At one point in time, I let my own popularity and success bring me to the same fate of deification and ego-inflation. Of course, all of this was a facade and ashadu an-la, ilaaha, ilaala, wa wudhuu shareeeka la!

Never did I achieve true peace or happiness while I was so busy in manifest error. Never did I truly believe in myself at this heightened state of ego-centric belief. I always suffered from self-conscious doubt and envy of those closest to me. Brewing hate, jealousy, and insecurity was all my manifestation seemed to do. 

After bringing me closer to Him, Allah swt broke me down, away from my status, and success, and relationships, and predesigned ways of thinking. He separated me from every bit of pride and greed and everything that served as a barrier between me and HIs love, only to replace it all with light, positivity, joy, grace, forgiveness, awe-inspiring mercy and peace. 

I have since completely transitioned to a new person. I have a completely new mindset- a completely new internal and external environment. 

I ran across an old friend recently. She was reading a book on Toltec wisdom, and seemed to be seeking answers of manifestation and spirituality. I spent much time seeking these answers from similar texts and did much digging into different spiritual pieces and self-help books hoping to craft a way to come up with my own answers. All it did in the end was bring me a heightened sense of self-criticism and self-righteousness, allowing me to be more subtly judgmental of those around me and allowing me to tap in to the feelings of superiority I was so tangled in during my period of manifest error. 

I explained to her, it wasn’t until I opened scripture and decided to believe it as truth that I discovered all the answers I had once searched far and wide for.

I told her the Qu’ran has all of the wisdom, spiritual and physical manifest truth, and peace in one book that I have ever soaked up in any other environment.

She insisted that each of us is God and that God is each of us - a similar mindset to other friends I have known in which some believed they were God or that they knew God personally to be in manifestation as a person or idol in their life. 

I made sure to let her know that Allah swt is incomparable, has no partner, and is nothing like a human or beast. Allah swt is transcended. We have no means of understanding Him, and searching for the truth of the unseen will only guide us further from the light, leaving us more susceptible to manipulation and darker forces. Manifest error has a beautiful way of allowing those in its midst to find every excuse to not only stay there, but to believe whole-heartedly in its “truth”. 

I pray a personal dua of Allah swt that I am allowed to be a beacon of His light for the moths that are lost in the dark, a vessel of His grace and mercy, and to carry a ‘holy’ serenity that to any onlooker, whether believing or disbelieving, muslim or non-muslim, in adoration or envy, the source of such serenity will be undeniably from Him, that they will be helplessly aware of His might and autonomously drawn towards His light.

Subhaana Allah, subhanna wa ta’ala, wa Alhumdulilah Allah swt.

I pray for the mercy and blessings of Allah swt for this text and its readers and pray Allah swt knows this was entirely for the sake of sharing the truth of His love and that He forgives me for any shortcomings or miscommunications as a human imperfection in this existence of His creation. 

I ask that any reader extend prayers of peace and blessings for myself and my family.  

Allahu-akbar

14/08/22

Ever since I remember I would wish for a happy ending - a forever together and happily ever after.

I would ignore wrong beginnings, and I would convince myself that ignoring things that weren't feeling right all throughout was just growing and challenging myself.

Then I would eventually grow tired of the differences, of my partners' untreated illnesses and long periods of difficulties and I would grow angry, distant and full of despise for them, myself and the relationships.

I would eventually be so empty I would be completely detached and would move on.

I want a happy life after all - I now know that I deserve it and I believe it deeply.

I keep looking for people to change me, to make me happy, and whole and feeling fulfilled - I even look for that feeling in people that used to make me miserable once, remembering only the good in them and disregarding potential pain - only looking for a next safe stop to be with someone.

I wanna learn how to live my life without any romantic attachments, how to find my own worth in the world and live my life just surrounded by my closest chosen family.

Problem I guess is the financial part of living alone - the roommates, not sharing the cost of your life, depending on the decisions and kindness of people who might choose living with their significant others themselves and leave you to fend for yourself.

Also the social aspect of not being with someone is hard - the overwhelming message, that you need 'your other half', that 'world was made for two and only worth living if somebody is loving you'.

I crave the domesticity sometimes, but it seems more and more that it's just my way of healing the child inside of me that didn't have it in her life and missed having a full family most of her life.

My inner child is being healed and pampered in other ways though - and I'm proud to say I am doing it all by myself these days with a little help from my friends.

Trying my best to stay away from situations that make me go back to old habits and cause me relive the same old, toxic patterns over and over again, and it's very hard these days to differentiate between my intuition leading me to people and situations and my mental illness and the need to care for other sick people all the time.

I haven't really found a way to start my therapeutic road towards healing all the wounds from my dearest father not being in my life and my mother's narcissism shaping my whole adult personality.

I have found my amazing friends, who became my family and truly healed my soul, gave me all the foundations for building any self-esteem at all and supported me through getting my life on a right track so that I could be a happy, healthy adult. They even gave me more than they had sometimes, and I believe I did my best to repay them for that.

I have recently also had an amazing chance to heal one part of me that has been ripped out by my upbringing - a heart of my soul that left an empty, gazing black hole in my chest for forever - my spiritual life. I have rediscovered my beliefs, my light and energy and felt so much more power in my femiininity and in the way I believe my I can influence the way my future goes.

I still need to process all of that, and it may take a long time, but I think I'm on a good track with this internet diary.

Kind Regards,

Kalina

Halo! Here's a reddit link to information and research papers about onmyodo consolidated by other people and a link to an overview. Tried to summarize below bits and pieces that may be relevant to jjk (and which I tried to understand to the best of my abilities :P )

I think this will be the last time I write such a long-ass ask again, my apologies

About cursed spirits and mono

Court onmyojis in Heian used divination to find out the cause of things like curses, strange events (kaii), natural disasters, illness, why your dog is barking at a seemingly empty spot (answer: Megumi's divine dog is barking back) and so on. Strange events were referred to as mokke (物怪) or mono no satoshi (もノノサトシ) and believed to be omens of calamity that were caused by mono or "things" which could be anything like the curses of gods or something from the Imperial mausoleums. Furthermore, during the rule of Emperor Kanmu from end of Nara to early Heian, the Ritsuryo system of government began to crumble as imperial rule changed hands and political victims were feared as onryō (怨霊) that caused disease or death to the Emperor's nearest relatives (but not the Emperor himself). The fear of strange phenomena spread through the aristocrats and became commonplace. Onymojis were believed to be able to deal with the curse of mono as well (otherwise it's off to the chopping board for their jobs (and lives) they go, chop chop). And so the Imperial Court funded them to perform quelling rituals and ceremonies to appease gods, clear away damages by insects, pray for harvests and prevent the spread of epidemics (which ironically was exacerbated by the court's overspending and large-scale deforestation but that's another story). For individual cases like the spirits of living persons (ikiryō or ikisudama), or spirits of dead people (akuryō, ryō, onryō, shiryō or bōkon), onmyojis might determine that spiritual energy or evil spirits (mono no ke) was the cause but mikkyō genja (験者) or ritualists were the ones to subdue it by incantations. JJK cursed spirits resemble mono no ke in that they cannot be seen and may harm humans. Whereas jujutsu sorcerers are more like genja ritualists (complete with flashy kamehameha bombs) (and besides being cursed).

Lifespan rituals

The most popular theory for Sukuna's fixation with Megumi has already been covered by this blog owner with additional info on the Ten Divine Treasures. Another theory is that Sukuna could have been aiming for a higher level of enlightenment. Besides the Shinto-Buddhism angle, Onmyodo also has its own set of rituals concerning life and death. Onmyodo is basically a system of divination and techniques that focuses on worldly benefits and has no vision of the world after death. The rituals were instead based on the Chinese beliefs in honmyō (本命), Zokushō (属星) or the realm of the dead (冥界) and by the end of Heian, there were more than forty Onmyodo rituals to pray for the individual health and longevity of aristocrats (commoners: eat the rich 👎). For the terms honmyō and Zokushō, the closest meaning I can give without being too horribly misleading would be the life/destiny that you are born with according to your birth year, zodiac, constellation and so on. The most popular ritual was Taizan Fukun sai (泰山府君祭), which originated around the beginning of the tenth century and was closely associated with Abe no Seimei (yes that guy you keep seeing in anime). Taizan Fukun (泰山府君) is the lord of the eastern peak of Mt. Tai in China, a deity that summons the spirits of the dead and administers the lengthening and shortening of human lifespans. Twelve deities of the realm of the dead including Taizan Fukun were involved in this ritual. It was implemented on every honmyō day, but also as needed for illness, childbirth, natural disasters, and strange events. Media adaptations often depict Abe no Seimei (or other onmyojis) using the ritual for resurrection or reincarnation 😅 e.g. Tokyo Ravens, Shaman King, Onmyoji (2001). I don't think Gege will go for the same cliché trope for Sukuna but it's still interesting to know.

Seimei and Dōman (Gojo and Getou)

Anyone who knows about the folklores of Abe no Seimei 安倍 晴明 would be familiar with his eternal rival, Dōman 道満. Like Gojo who's the strongest jujutsu sorcerer, Seimei was the leading onmyoji specialist of his time. His position as the Kurōdo-dokoro onmyōji (highest-ranking onmyoji), legendary reputation and long lifespan lent to the notion that he had mystical powers due to being born from a human father and a kitsune mother. During Heian, Onmyodo referred to the organization of onmyojis under the control of high-ranking people of the same profession (kinda like the JJK elders) rather than the system of beliefs known today. Onmyōji with official status like Abe no Seimei would be kanjin onmyōji (官人陰陽師) or official onmyōji. Non-official onmyojis would include hōshi onmyōji (法師陰陽師) or priest onmyōji, who had the appearance of Buddhist priests (like how Getou was dressed as a cult leader), and presumably the control of the Onmyōdō did not extend to them. Official onmyōji, under the strict supervision of their superiors, would not have been permitted to have any connection with criminal acts such as curses. Instead, the Heian nobility turned to hoshi-onmyojis like Dōman to lay curses on their political rivals. There were many incidents involving curses within aristocratic society in Seimei’s time, and in a majority of cases the curses were placed by hōshi-onmyōji. Dōman himself had been spotted visiting a noblewoman, Takashina no Mitsuko, who employed hōshi-onmyōji to put a curse on several prominent political figures. Getou: "Let's curse each other... to our hearts' content!"

War onmyojis (and questioning of Gege's probable naming sense)

The Sengoku era treated court onmyojis poorly (ceremonies were expensive to fund). Warrior onmyodo being more practical (divining auspicious days for battle/forming alliances and exorcising evil spirits) became prominent instead. Academies that taught Confucian studies with divination and medicine as part of the curriculum flourished and the most famous was Ashikaga Gakkō (足利学校) (not as modern as Tokyo Jujutsu High though). Like Nanami and co. who became professional sorcerers, many of its students went to the battlefield as diviners and doctors. When peace returned during Tokugawa Ieyasu's rule, a few practitioners thrived by attaching themselves to powerful men. One would be Tenkai (天海) and another Kanshitsu Genkitsu, head of the Ashikaga Gakko. Being Ieyasu's bff, a temple Fushimi Enkoji (伏見円光寺) modeled after Ashikaga was built and Kanshitsu appointed as its head. Ieyasu also sponsored Kanshitsu's Fushimiban (伏見版), a publication project printed with wooden blocks. I'm definitely reaching here for Tengen and Fushiguro but I do wonder if Gege ever chanced upon those names.

🦆A Tail of Many Kamos: 鴨川, 下鴨, 鴨, 加茂, 賀茂 🦆

鴨川 - the Kamo river northeast of the Heian capital (modern Kyoto)

下鴨 - the Shimogamo Shrine (下鴨神社), a Shinto shrine dedicated to the Kamo family of kami

鴨 - the clan associated with the Kamo shrines and the famous poet-priest Kamo no Chōmei (鴨 長明) who witnessed the end of Heian. Also Bucephala albeola.

加茂 - Kamo no matsuri (加茂祭) or Aoi no matsuri (葵祭), an annual festival of Shimogamo Shrine and Kamigamo Shrine and one of the three major festivals in Kyoto, also one of the three big jujutsu clans (加茂家) in JJK. It's funny that Gege would choose a name with the same pronunciation as a real-life historic clan, which brings to the next point.

賀茂 - the formal name of the Shimogamo Shrine (賀茂御祖神社), also a once-prominent Heian Onmyoji family that died out during the Sengoku era. Thereafter, the Tsuchimikado (former Abe clan) took over their hereditary duties of keeping the calendar. Abe no Seimei's teacher was the astrology scholar (tenmon hakase 天文博士) Kamo no Yasunori (賀茂保憲). Could Kenjaku be based on Abe no Seimei as well?

The Musical Exorcist

The rock-n-roll grandpa, Gakuganji, might be based on the lesser known lute-priests called biwa-hoshi (琵琶法師) or zatō (座頭). Their musical style is referred to as heikyoku (平曲), which literally means "heike music". Accompanied by their mōsō-biwa (盲僧琵琶), the often-blind lay priests would chant Buddhist mantras, placate earth deities, perform spirit pacification chinkon (鎮魂) of vengeful spirits including onryō, communicate with the dead (Principal Yaga 😢), purify defilements haraikikyomeru (祓い清め) and border rites kyōkai girei (境界儀礼) that expel malign forces. The thesis "From Heike to Nomori no kagami" suggests that the musical practices and theories of Heike correlate with Yin-Yang principles. Which I will not further expound bcos I haz zero music theory knowledge and also this ask is far too long 😛 Hopefully Gakuganji will not remain blind to the less-than-holy intentions of the jujutsu higher-ups as the story continues.

Hello, lore anon! Thank you for compiling another stellar read!

Aaw, you'll be missed, but it's fine. Just do things and drop by if you feel like it.

Yes, onmyodo has a large influence on Japanese pop culture. Numerous manga takes their inspiration from onmyodo, jjk only one of them. Onmyouji had a very large political influence in the court. They were also a legit government position, literally civil servants back in the day.

The legend of Abe no Seimei and his rival Ashiya Douman is also famous. Abe no Seimei was said to be born from a kitsune (fox spirit) mother and human father, so he is often thought to not be fully human, hence his supernatural ability. I wouldn't be surprised if one of these characters is inspired by either Seimei or Douman; Sukuna, Kenjaku, or Tengen.

Kamo, yes, it seems that Gege actually takes the name of the clan. The fanbook said that Kamo clan arised to influence during the heyday of Heian period, the Golden age of Jujutsu. While it's lesser known, Kamo family is quite a legend too alongside Abe no Seimei in onmyoudou. As you said, Kamo no Tadayuki and his son Kamo no Yasunori has been known to teach Abe no Seimei.

hi! i hope you are well! i was wondering if you had any advice. i would love to convert reconstructionist as i feel that that denomination best mirrors my own understanding and belief of Gd, but in my country the closest i am able to convert to would be my countries equivalent of reform. i still find deep meaning in this movement and the community look lovely and i still hold their beliefs (even if it’s not exactly the same) would you still recommend converting? i really want to be involved in the community, learn everything i can and make jewish choices in life. would me having slightly different beliefs than the denomination i am able to convert with be a barrier to me in any way? thank you so much :-)

I’ve said on here a couple of times before that I think “settling” for one branch that doesn’t quite fit your personal needs can be detrimental to the conversion process.

I think sometimes we as a society tend to see the branches of Judaism as “hard mode vs easy mode”, with a descending amount of observance, but that’s really not true. Orthodoxy is not “conversion hard mode” and Reconstructionism is not “conversion easy mode”.  Every denomination is equally as observant as another, just in a different way, and converting through a branch that isn’t quite right for you can be disillusioning or unfulfilling. My understanding of the difference between Reform and Reconstructionist is that Reform Jews inform themselves on and then choose what aspects of halacha are the most meaningful to their lives and their practice, whereas Reconstructionist Jews are more spiritual and don’t see halacha as being mandatory to contemporary morality. A big difference, at the end of the day. Additionally, more and more Reform congregations are actually moving back towards more traditional practice, widening the gap between the two.

You may explore a reform congregation near you and find that it’s a good fit. You might fall in love with it and decide to convert through there. If so, that’s wonderful for you! But you don’t have to settle for it. If reconstructionism is what really calls to you, then you should hold off until you can convert through them or try to see if you can work remotely with a rabbi. At the end of the day what matters most is that you find your conversion fulfilling, peaceful, and the right fit for you.

Dunebaby Character Descriptions

So I made another work for My Beautiful Light Twisted Taang Fantasy called Dunebaby Adventures. But I figured I’d also post the character descriptions on Tumblr for reference. All headcanons can be found in chapter 1 Here.

~LIN BEIFONG~

Lin Beifong is the oldest of four, born in the spring ~120 AG. Her appearance resembles Toph more than Aang. As a baby, she gravitated toward Toph, but as she got older, Lin turned to Aang for more questions or concerns she had.

Lin is a stubborn and independent child, meaning that if she is rubbed the wrong way by someone, she’s going to hold a grudge. From a young age she did a lot of things on her own, so it sometimes appeared to her that she was ignored, but as she got older, she realized that both her parents were there whenever she needed them, they just gave her the space she wanted. Lin also values her parents' praise, so she always tried to do things that would please them.

She often found herself babysitting her younger siblings, especially Kenji. At first it was a nuisance, but all of her siblings looked up to her and asked her for help, and she always helped them.

She’s the smartest Beifong of the bunch and also the calmest. She wasn’t a super rambunctious child, but she knew how to fight others and was a decent play mate for her siblings and cousins. But Lin likes to keep to herself, so if she had the choice of  being alone in her room and reading or playing outside with friends or siblings, she’d choose reading.

Lin butts heads with her mother and Suyin the most, but she always looks up to Toph. She’ll try to deny her admiration for both her parents to maintain her ‘indifferent’ attitude, but everyone knows she looks up to them. Lin and Su argue a ton, but Suyin gets over the fights quickly and will ask Lin if she wants to do something, and Lin will agree to tag along. The reason they butt heads so much is because they have very different personalities and beliefs. Lin often thinks Su is being dramatic, and Su thinks Lin doesn’t understand her perspective, and both are right.

In a nutshell, Lin Beifong is a quiet badass and scholar, and she is not someone who you want on your bad side.

~GYATSO BEIFONG~

Gyatso Beifong is the second oldest of four, born in the fall ~124 AG. His appearance resembles Aang more than Toph. As a baby, he had no parental preference, but growing up, he spent more time with Aang because his airbending abilities made Toph a little nervous (She’d rather have Aang there to monitor him than have her stand there wondering where he was). He loves both of his parents dearly, but tends to go to his father for all of his questions and concerns.

He’s the most outgoing of the group and tries to meet new people and befriend them whenever he has the chance. He always sees the best in people, which sometimes is an issue when he trusts people a little too much. Toph calls him an airhead for that. But he’s a very lovable kid that is always down to play with others and is super inclusive during play time.

Gyatso is the most spiritual of the children. He loves and values his parents’ opinions and beliefs, but he tends to follow his own spiritual beliefs when it comes to how he lives his life.

In the most lovable way, Gyatso is probably the dumbest and clumsiest Beifong kid. He just prefers being outside with friends and playing. He often trips over his own feet, too. That gets a laugh out of his siblings, and he can’t help but join in.

Gyatso doesn’t butt heads with any of his siblings. He often is the mediator of the group, and if anyone asks to play with him or needs help with something, he’ll say yes. He is probably closest with his sisters though. He and Lin share the ‘eldest siblings’ bond so they can relate to each other’s problems. He also feels like he has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders (Lin’s responsibility being the oldest and the role model for her siblings, Gyatso’s being a similar role, but also being an airbender has its unintentional consequences). Gyatso and Suyin are the most outgoing and rambunctious of the Dunebabies, so they share that bond (although Gyatso tends to draw the line for certain pranks). They are also the closest in age, so they help each other with school stuff and general life problems together if it only requires sibling conversations.

In a nutshell, Gyatso Beifong is an outgoing, kind kid that will be your biggest fan and advocate.

~SUYIN BEIFONG~

Suyin Beifong is the 3rd child of the Beifong children, born in the summer ~126 AG. Her appearance is a mix between Toph and Aang. She was a complicated newborn and that set the precedent for the type of kid she would be. Suyin is a spitfire kid with a lot of sass and attitude. She’s a Daddy’s girl and knows how to persuade Aang into getting her way. Because of that, she tends to go to Aang for most of her concerns or problems. But, Su gets her loud, opinionated personality from her mother, so there are a handful of things she’ll go to Toph for because she knows she will be more receptive.

She loves knowing everyone’s business (she likes to gossip like her Baba) and is very opinionated. But because of her strong opinions, she’s passionate about what she likes/loves and always stands her ground on her beliefs.

She butts heads with her sister the most, mainly because they have very different living styles. But she easily forgives Lin and her family for grievances, and will go to siblings after a huge fight as if nothing happened. Suyin is closest with her brothers because of their personalities.

Suyin is not the smartest Beifong, but she is the most persuasive. She can convince friends and family (within reason) to have her way.

Her bending style is very fluid. She loves the air, and a lot of her moves incorporate airbending techniques. Because of her flexibility in styles, she is one of the strongest benders in the family.

In a nutshell, Suyin Beifong is an opinionated and passionate kid who knows what she wants but is also a very fluid and improv-oriented bender.

~KENJI BEIFONG~

Kenji Beifong is the youngest of the Beifong children, born in the spring ~130 AG. His appearance is a mix between Toph and Aang. He was a (relatively) easy baby, depending on who tended to him. If his mother took care of him, he was fine. Anyone else had a harder time getting him to cooperate. It’s rather ironic because Toph was the least enthusiastic about having Kenji, while everyone else was excited. And as a baby, Kenji practically refused to go to anyone that wasn’t Toph.

Kenji is a relatively easy going child. He tends to hang around Suyin’s friends, and if she needs his help with pranks, he has little to no objections. He’s a Mama’s boy, so if Toph says or does something, he typically follows her lead. This led to him being a pretty compliant child; all it took for him to agree was if Mama told him (that lasted until about age 7, then he was a naturally mellow and relatively obedient kid).

Kenji is close with his sisters. He has a similar attitude as Lin, so they can talk and understand each other’s grievances. He also looks up to Lin a lot (she’s 10 years older than him). And whenever she babysat him, they would get along really well.  He’s closest to Suyin in age, so he tends to follow her and her friends lead. Him and Gyatso hang out and play, but there is a bigger difference of opinion, which simply makes them not go to each other first for their issues, but they have no trouble going to each other for help.

Kenji grew up wanting to be an earthbender, which made training him at a young age difficult. But he adapted and became a skilled airbender. He is arguably the strongest of the Beifong children simply because he adapted two different martial art forms to meet his needs.

He goes about his day pretty emotionless, but if you rub him the wrong way, he will fight anyone and everyone and he’s not afraid to speak his mind. Kenji keeps to himself like Lin, but if people come up to him to befriend him, he’ll oblige.

In a nutshell, Kenji Beifong is an obedient, mellow kid who will most certainly beat your ass if your toe is out of line.

Jesus Christ Superstar is Very Good

[I'm familiar with the 1973 film version, so that's what I'm talking about here. This may or may not apply to other renditions.]

I.

Jesus Christ Superstar is an...interesting rock opera interpretation of the gospel narrative. 

If I had to describe it with one word, it would be "juxtaposition". Ancient Roman guards wielding AK-47s coexist with afro-hippies living in adobe huts. King Herod sings a whimsical falsetto tune just minutes before the thirty-nine lashings of Christ are counted off in an agonized voice by a guilt-ridden Pontius Pilate. 'Tonal whiplash' is perhaps putting it a bit lightly.

But somehow, it works. The anachronisms give it a sort of magical realism which suits its timeless theme. That theme is "idealism versus pragmatism", or perhaps "kindness versus effectiveness." 

The opera opens with a song by Judas, of all people. Judas is depicted here not as a greedy turncoat, but as someone who cares deeply about Jesus, Jesus' ideals, and the welfare of others. 

Listen, Jesus, I don't like what I see

All I ask is that you listen to me

And remember

I've been your right hand man all along

…

And believe me

My admiration for you hasn't died

But every word you say today

Gets twisted 'round some other way

And they'll hurt you if they think you've lied

…

I am frightened by the crowd

For we are getting much too loud

And they'll crush us if we go too far

…

Listen, Jesus, to the warning I give

Please remember that I want us to live

He points out that money spent on expensive perfumes for Jesus could have been used to feed the poor (a topic close to my own heart). We have every reason to believe what he says - that he only wants what is best for Jesus and the occupied Jews. 

But his desire for the movement to succeed pragmatically, for Jesus and the apostles (and himself) to stay 'safe' leads him to be cold, uncaring, and of course, a murderer.

While he obviously cares for Jesus, it's undeniable that there's resentment and even anger in his dialogue (performed amazingly well by Carl Anderson here. Seriously, listen to it, it's incredible).

Nazareth, your famous son

Should have stayed a great unknown

Like his father carving wood

He'd have made good

Tables, chairs, and oaken chests

Would have suited Jesus best

He'd have caused nobody harm, no one alarm

He is overly concerned with how Jesus appears to others, urging Jesus to associate less with prostitutes for the sake of his public image. He prioritizes looking good over actually being good.

At best, he could be said to "indulge" Jesus' claims about being the son of God, and at worst he's outright skeptical of them.

I remember when this whole thing began

No talk of God then, we called you a man

Judas is characterized so heavily because the film revolves around the ideological conflict between him and Jesus. While Judas is pragmatic to the point of being cold and cruel, Jesus is idealistic and trusting to a fault. He refuses to explain himself to others or take any measures to ensure others understand what he means. 

So why would the viewer like or sympathize with Jesus? Because he is shown, not as a divine chessmaster who knows everything, but as an honest and conflicted servant to a higher being he doesn't understand. When a crowd asks him to die for them, we see the fear in his eyes.

At the garden of Gethsemane, he has a gut-wrenching solo performance where he desperately begs God to let him live, or at least explain why he has to die (another amazing performance, this time by Ted Neeley). 

Why, why should I die?

Why should I die?

Can you show me now that I would not be killed in vain?

Show me just a little of your omnipresent brain

Show me there's a reason for your wanting me to die

You're far too keen on 'where' and 'how' but not so hot on 'why'

And that is why Jesus' struggle here is emotional and moving, maybe even more than the canonical Christian Jesus!

The canonical Christian Jesus knew that he was the Son of God, knew that he had to die to redeem mankind's sins, and knew that he would live forever in Heaven after his Passion [1]. He experiences fear and pain, of course, but the guaranteed eternal paradise and his direct line to God the Father give him a kind of solace that no other mortal has ever had access to.

Superstar Jesus Christ? He's plagued by uncertainty, unsure of what his greater role is in God's plan. He is privy to no private information and has no guarantees whatsoever. For all he knows, he'll suffer and die for nothing, leaving his people to be dispersed and oppressed long after he's gone. 

Just like with Judas, we have a character with a truly human blend of mixed emotions. Devotion and faith to God, fear of pain and suffering and failure, and a desperate desire to know why God won't tell him any more, and perhaps even some spite toward that same God he trusts so much:

Alright, I'll die!

Just watch me die!

See how, see how I die!

Oh, just watch me die

…

Why, then, am I scared to finish

What I started?

What you started!

I didn't start it!

His doubt has him end his prayer in Gethsemane with the tragicomic line:

Bleed me, beat me, kill me, take me now

Before I change my mind!

II.

I know that "idealism versus pragmatism" isn't the deepest or most complex theme in the world, but it's portrayed beautifully here. Two people who ultimately want the same thing, who should be the closest companions, are forced against each other by different beliefs about how to achieve their goals under an oppressive regime that hates both of them. 

It's a story that avoids easy black and white morality, despite the fact that one of the characters is literally Jesus! The fairness with which it portrays the different "ideologies" makes it popular even among atheists (according to my surveys of Youtube comment sections).

This entire philosophical conflict comes to a head in Superstar, sung by the ghost of Judas and an angelic choir to Jesus right just he is crucified.

Why'd you choose such a backward time and such a strange land?

If you'd come today, you would have reached a whole nation

Israel in 4 BC had no mass communication

...

Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ

Who are you? What have you sacrificed?

Jesus Christ, Superstar

Do you think you're what they say you are?

…

Tell me what you think about your friends at the top

Now who'd you think, besides yourself, was the pick of the crop?

Buddha, was he where it's at? Is he where you are?

Could Mohamed move a mountain, or was that just PR?

The premise of this song is unique and emotional. Someone who believes in Jesus, and trusts him, wondering how this could possibly be part of a reasonable plan? Wondering why God would send his son to die, and then spend 2000 years doing not much at all? Wondering why there are other religions, with messiah figures who seem just as confident and spiritual and humble as Jesus, while being mutually contradictory with what Jesus preached?

This entire perspective, well...I empathize with it!

I used to be Christian, and these are the exact kind of questions I struggled with. Through Judas' character, this opera is willing to bring up the hard questions you have to answer when you're a modern, critical, utilitarian-minded Christian. 

But it's not a shallow gotcha, trying to expose how dumb Christianity and Jesus are. Both Judas and Jesus are flawed, emotional, deeply sympathetic characters who have remarkably similar tragic fates. One takes his own life from guilt, and one lets his own life be taken from him through inaction and silence. 

And remember: this is the same musical with the hippies and the AK-47 Roman guards and the falsetto King Herod song! The light-hearted aesthetics lure you into a genuinely moving story about the hard choices you face when trying to be a force for good in a complicated, deeply imperfect world.

And did I mention that it has some banger songs? Hosanna, Damned for All Time, and the Last Supper are all great songs in their own right.

What I'm trying to say is - Jesus Christ Superstar is very good.

[1] Okay, that's Catholicism, probably some other branches of Christianity believe slightly different things. But the basic point still stands.

31 Days of Witchcraft, pt 1

Late to the party, but here we go! I’m going to be doing these in chunks to make it easier on myself. Questions from this prompt post.

Days 1-5

1. How did you discover your path? I've been interested in magic and folklore since I was very young, mostly through the lens of fairy tales. I was definitely one of those kids who made fairy dens and "potions" during my outdoor playtime. When I was a teenager, I started reading about the paranormal and the occult, as so many of us do, and in my early twenties, I started really questioning the path my parents had put me on. I was studying herbal medicine as a hobby at the time, and somebody handed me a copy of Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Plants. It resonated with everything I'd been thinking and feeling for a long time, so I started collecting and reading other books on witchcraft, and I haven't looked back since.

2. How long have you been practicing witchcraft? Since I was about 22, so....fully 15 years now, not counting the dabbling I did when I was younger.

3. What kind of witch are you? The simplest answer is garden-based secular cottage witch with polytheist beliefs. My craft is largely self-driven with little to no deity involvement (except on special occasions), but I do have patron deities and I practice a personalized form of spirituality. Most of what I do deals with the home, the garden, and the family, and my go-to components are all plants.

4. What specific path/tradition do you follow? I don't have a specific path or belong to a particular tradition. I've never found a particular one that fits how I view the world or how I choose to practice. The closest I suppose would be Green Witch or something similar, but I don't fit under any single particular label.

5. Do you have any ethics or moral codes that you follow? Naturally! They're generally the same moral and ethical codes I've followed all my life, just with more punch. Be kind to others, until they give you a reason not to be. Treat others the way they would wish to be treated. Trust, but verify. Show compassion, but don't be a doormat. Be hospitable, but don't try to serve from an empty vessel. Be as merciful as it is within your power to be. Do not be willfully ignorant and do not suffer the company of those who are. Defend what is right and true and good to the best of your ability. And if someone comes for you, or your near-and-dear, destroy them utterly and piss in the ashes.

Believe Me I Hope There’s Faith

the topic on my heart tonight is belief, like hope you know? belief is the foundation of success, love, motivation, healing, growth, -- everything. i find belief and hope to be like fraternal twins, kind of? i mean, like they are literally the same, but unique in their own ways. 

belief is more like faith, trusting life to run its course. it is much more solidified than hope. hope is extreme optimism. they both come from within. so what should we believe in? what should we have hope for/in? believe in magic. believe in the impossible. believe in yourself. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. one more time for the people in the back : BE LIEVE IN YOUR SELF!! no matter what religion your faith is based in, your “God” is with you. we were made in their image right? every being has this “God gene” tying us all together. “never leave nor forsake us right?” that is because they are within us. always. that higher power, deity, idol whatever terminology is closest to true, exist in your soul or spirit (they are the same thing.) “holy spirit” you know? yet, somehow the world has us all looking outward into the world for guidance and security, protection, and understanding. they want us to believe them, and then believe in them. instead of ourselves.

SELF KNOWLEDGE IS THE BEST KNOWLEDGE. How can you dispute something that makes sense? when you want to know the truth, take everything life has given you on the topic and make it make sense. seek opinions, advice and perspectives for clarity, but do not be swayed by others, for we share a lifetime but not a life. the role they gave religion, in my opinion is what spirituality is. religion is just another box to fit into. religion created the outline for what it means to be morally “good”. and we all know how the messages within the holy text are so loosely open for interpretation. the number of religions continued to grow. what does this mean? individuals and/or groups of individuals created belief systems that were derived from those that already existed tailored to fit their moral and righteous standards. Catholics are pedophiles. Any extremist group is well -- extreme and likely prone to radical acts of “service” that result in a lot of collateral damage. 

the difference between right and wrong are simple and clear. as a people we are prone to justifying wrong doings, for the right reasons. and that’s why religion is such a hoax. it gives you something to believe in, but you are never completely sure about it. “obedient” followers of a congregation will find contentment in what is given. that is their idea of faith. blind trust. there’s this great Omni present being that grants miracles and is all knowing. the Creator of all of existence. these spirits. these celestial beings. we are supposed to serve them and fulfill the destinies assigned to us. and that sounds fine and dandy. except there are a few discrepancies. for instance, this cynical use of “free will” or rather the illusion of it. so we are free to choose. yet we are punished if we do. religions talk about punishment. yet, somehow we still manage to pay for our sins on Earth. the Holy Bible was originally in Hebrew. it then got translated to English. when it was given out, slaves were given specific books and scriptures had been redacted. still, they believed in their Creator’s promises to see them through. we came from the Earth and to the Earth we return. 

you live to die. you cannot live and not die. you cannot die without first living. we exist to experience. growing up, parents try to shelter their kids. paint the world out to be rainbows and unicorns, where love is all conquering and the monsters in our closets and our beds don’t exist in people; i mean public. they asked us what we wanted to be and let us dream. and when we would speak them into the universe, society would shoot us down. tell us not to chase our dreams. to be realistic, as if we were incapable of being great, legendary. asked us to introduce ourselves and then handed each of us a mask. said keep it on and fall in line; blocked individuality from our minds. like there’s poison in the water, meant to lock down our third eye. you don’t exist and then one day you do. and all you come into this world with is vibes. energies. they tell you to ignore them. they slowly make you stop believing in yourself and replace it with something else. and we concede, especially in our youth because we didn’t know how much we knew then. so we listened. the more you listen, the less you hear. the closer you look the less you see. the truth is in everything hidden in plain sight; mixed in with the lies. we just believe what they tell us, they are supposed to be the experts. because we don’t really know anything, except that we never know anything at all. 

society is going to shit, and when i think about humanity; i hope it’ll be redeemed, i don’t so much believe it just yet. but we never know what’s next. get back to reaching for the moon. surpassing the sky’s limit. the biggest, craziest thing you could dream, or conjure in your thoughts, YOU CAN DO. so long as you believe you can. if you believe you’ll make it through the storms, you will. get back to trusting and believing yourself. trust yourself. follow your heart. protect your peace. 

the moral of the story: believe in whatever you want, as long as its in you too. just don’t stop believing, save the world from bleeding out. hope for better days, believe that we will make it out. have faith in the steps of the process. everything you are seeking in the world, you can find within. that faith, that guidance, that safety and support. talk to the sky, and the stars, and the moon and the sun. talk to the Earth. because Mother knows best. (haha get it Mother Nature? lol im a dork. we are definitely going to get into a Battle of the Sexes conversation later this week toooooo.) i am a healer, carrying the heart of the truest believer and ill keep hope alive for as long as we need her. planting seeds in human beings, sprouted trees and leaves and things. a flower child, more dahlia styled sprouting from concrete.

-almasi.

Bea & Ro

Bea: What time were you planning to go to mass on your birthday? Ro: [a time that is ridiculously early af] Ro: You're going to be there to present me with my rosary right? Bea: I thought it was just before the party, when is that starting? Ro: Traditionally, yes, but I don't want to hurry through it as if it's not important Ro: [a time for when the party is starting] Bea: Right Bea: it's just that it was going to be a struggle to get back for the party as is Bea: That's essentially adding an extra day to my stay Ro: but you're the closest thing to a godparent I have, spiritually Ro: I don't know who else could do it Bea: and I know that you really want to do this Bea: I'm just not sure if I can make this happen, the schedule doesn't have much wriggle room Ro: okay, I suppose you can lead the last doll ceremony at the party instead Ro: I was intending to have Ali give it to me, since she made the outfits and everything but I'm sure she'll understand Bea: I don't mind if Ali does it Bea: it isn't as if this is actually traditional to us Ro: I'm trying to create my own traditions, it means something to me in that sense Bea: I'll try to make the party Bea: Yes, I know Bea: but I can't have my life revolve around it for a full calendar week Ro: I can't help when in the calendar my birthday falls in relation to your university terms Bea: Of course not but this is a lot, Ro Ro: No, it isn't Ro: it's a party that you'll try to attend Bea: I don't know of any other party you have to attend church to go to Bea: unless it's a wedding Ro: I haven't thrown any other parties prior to this Bea: You know what I mean Bea: this doesn't need to be such an event, does it Ro: It's my birthday, it's allowed to be whatever I want it to be Bea: Right Bea: well I don't know if I can come, alright Ro: well, if you want me to tell you that's fine, I won't, because it isn't Bea: What do you want me to do? Bea: The workload is insane Ro: if you are unable to cope with it approximately a month after Christmas break, what would you like me to say or do? Ro: *before Bea: Don't talk like you have any idea about the workload, firstly, that's what you can do Bea: You haven't even done your leavers yet Ro: You only just got back, that's common knowledge Ro: being snowed under is a poor excuse Bea: They set the assignments at the start of term Bea: even if I have all term to do it, would you suggest I leave it to the last minute? Ro: I would suggest you learn more effective time management some time before you graduate Ro: since you asked Bea: Please Bea: You're in a strop but don't be a brat about it Ro: you're well aware of when I was born, it's nobody's fault but your own if you can't handle your own schedule to coincide with long established party plans Bea: I'm aware it's in the middle of term, Ro Bea: and I go to school in another country and am living on student loans Bea: I'm not flying back for every little thing Ro: it's one of the shortest possible plane rides and you're more than happy to take advantage of that when it suits you Ro: or Fraze Bea: That's my business Bea: and I don't come back as much as you're trying to put on Ro: and I don't ask you to come back ever, or for anything Bea: It's clear you're only concerned about yourself Ro: for one day a year, why is that so uncalled for? Bea: Because, all this is just ridiculous Bea: you aren't Latina Ro: look for the ridiculous in anything and you will find it Ro: or if you prefer, all great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning Bea: You do it with Ali, as per Bea: you don't need me for any of this Ro: that's just as well since you can't be relied upon to take part in any of this Bea: If it was important, I'd be there Ro: it is important to me Bea: I can't say you've inspired me to make any greater attempts than I already have Ro: of course not, your mind was already made up when this conversation began Ro: however inspiring I am or am not is irrelevant because of your unwillingness to prioritise me regardless Bea: You seem pretty convinced of a few things yourself Bea: It isn't exactly the easiest time for me, regardless of my time management Ro: it's my 15th birthday that approaches, not my 5th, I'm utterly convinced that waiting at the window for you is an empty pursuit Bea: You're being dramatic Bea: and if you'd like to compare 5th birthdays with me, feel free Ro: and yet I'm the one who's supposedly being dramatic Ro: one great sacrifice and you're content to never consider making another in my honour, however big or small Ro: okay then Bea: I didn't sacrifice anything for you Bea: They died, there's no good behind us Bea: I got help, we got out of there, end of Ro: maybe that's the end of the story as far as you're concerned Ro: it's the beginning of mine Bea: We aren't even talking about that Bea: yet another topic you know nothing about and I'm not willing to endure lectures on Ro: they died on the same day, it's impossible to talk about one without the other Ro: if I were being dramatic, that would be cause enough Bea: What does it matter? Bea: Can you remember it? No Ro: that in itself matters, having nothing to remember them by except you and your memories which you're as unwilling to share with me as you are to make any time to celebrate with me now Bea: I was 4, I don't have any memories either Bea: That's how it is, there is nothing to celebrate there Ro: Fine Ro: I'll leave you to your assignments then Bea: I will send your present Ro: Thank you Bea: Right Bea: if anyone asks, tell them what you like Ro: it's unlikely anyone will given how selfish I'm apparently being and how air tight your reasons for not showing up supposedly are Ro: besides, I have enough to do without indulging in any games of chinese whispers as to your whereabouts Bea: Then you best get on with it Ro: I have my own schedule under control Bea: I've not got the time to have this petty back and forth with you and if you're as busy as you say, that shouldn't be a problem Ro: finally, something you're right about Ro: it isn't a problem Ro: continuing this conversation with you is a waste of my energy Bea: Off you go then Ro: See you at Christmas, assuming you decide that's worth returning for Bea: Either way, you won't be waiting at the window Ro: precisely Ro: and you'll have my present sent if you don't appear yourself, little else mattering at times like these anyway Bea: You aren't upset I'm not coming, you're only upset your plans are compromised Bea: because if you remotely gave a shit about me being there, you would've approached this whole conversation differently Ro: experience has taught me what you value and what you don't Ro: I'm not about to make any kind of impassioned plea in order to be a hastily added footnote Ro: particularly if it follows that I'm to be blamed for your ensuing university hardships should you dare to attend Bea: You know me so well Bea: wait, no, we both agree that is laughable Bea: so spare telling me what I will or won't do or say, my sides are splitting as is Ro: perhaps I will when you respond in kind and stop telling me how I feel or why Bea: Experience isn't something you are solely blessed/cursed with Bea: I can only react to what I'm presented with Ro: you don't want to come, of course you're reacting in line with that, that's what I'm being presented with Bea: Of course I don't, but it's about obligation regardless Ro: you've long been free from any and all obligation towards me Bea: Don't be delusional Ro: you should make time for church if you're going to make yourself such a martyr to my existence Bea: Guess what, we're not Catholic either Ro: There is no we, my faith is my own Bea: Nah Ro: you don't speak for me on any subject, especially my personal beliefs Bea: It's bullshit, Ro Bea: no one chooses to be a Catholic Ro: I have Bea: Yeah, well you would love to be special Ro: I'm so unsurprised that you manage to find enough time to be confrontational Bea: If I were to actually call you out on all your bullshit, we'd be here 'til your 18th Ro: feel free to write the most urgent of your grievances in the card you'll send Bea: You don't deserve a gift that good Ro: that much we can agree on Ro: I don't deserve any of this from you Bea: For god's sake Ro: Stay there, as we said, nobody but me thinks it's unfair that you aren't coming Bea: I'm sure they do Ro: Well, I have not and will not ever care what your boyfriend thinks Bea: As I understand, it's mutual Bea: and he's more than just my boyfriend to you Ro: no, he isn't Bea: How do you think you get to pick and choose? Bea: you can't claim Ali and ignore everyone else, they exist too, like it or not Ro: In much the same way you and he both did, I would imagine Ro: if I were to claim him as my brother, being your boyfriend would be abhorrent and it's obvious what you would both rather by now Bea: Your choice to not integrate and be part of this family has nothing to do with me Ro: Likewise Bea: Fuck you Bea: you had every chance, this is the only one you've ever known Ro: by your own admission you had all the same chances, no sacrifices made for me and no memories of the former Ro: you chose him and he chose you, you're the one being delusional if you think there was room for me and him to still play happy families afterwards Bea: Now you want to believe me, convenient isn't it Ro: and you want to have your cake and eat it, it's an appropriately timed idea, at least Bea: This isn't about me, it's about you being ungrateful Ro: No, it's about you attempting to tell me how to behave as if you reside in an ivory tower instead of a glass house Bea: You're having your teenage rebellion phase, fine Ro: again no, I'd be more than willing to listen to you had you actually said anything worth listening to Bea: Sure Ro: Undeniably so Bea: No, bullshit, again, Ro Bea: you don't listen to anything anyone has to say because you think you're right about everything despite the obvious Ro: you can't garner a receptive audience because you're just talking and talking without pausing for breath or to listen yourself Bea: This might be a big conversation for you, but that's only because you never talk to anyone but yourself either Bea: I'm actually busy, with things far more important than your tantrum Ro: Go and devote yourself fully to those things then, I already told you to do so Bea: You think you tell me what to do? Bea: No Bea: I'm not so single-minded Ro: If I had any desire to waste my breath I'd do so during a piano lesson with one of my more challenging students, when I'm paid to Bea: Yes, that about sums you up Ro: thus allowing you to draw a line under me Ro: and all of this Bea: No Bea: that's your move Bea: if you're going to be as callous as to want it, at least have the follow-through Bea: I'm not making this one easy for you, lest I be accused of martyrdom again Ro: I wouldn't dream of trying to compete with you in the stakes of who is the most callous Bea: I miss a birthday, how much have you skipped out on, Ro? Bea: When are you ever fucking here? Ro: such a convenient scapegoat for you when you no longer wish to be held to your own account Bea: If you want to be a ghost, you don't get to defend yourself Bea: dead people don't get to prove or deny any claims made about them Ro: the dead are far superior conversationalists than you, in my experience Bea: Your imagination, it'd have to be Ro: boundless though it is, no Bea: You don't know any dead people, and that's the truth of it Ro: I've met lots of them Bea: No, you haven't Bea: and how many people turn up to your party is going to reflect that Ro: yes I have, and how many people turn up to my party reflects how many people I chose to invite Ro: for all the things you deign to lecture me on, having a select social circle is perhaps one of the most hypocritical Bea: If there was any element of choice, it'd be you and Ali Bea: it's obligation and the guestlist of your not family reflects that both ways Ro: this repetition is neither effective nor amusing Bea: It's the sad fucking truth and someone needs to smash it through your thick skull Ro: a chore you'll never be too busy for when you take such delight in it Bea: I hate talking to you Bea: do you seriously not understand how much you make my skin crawl Ro: and yet here you still are Ro: how ghoulish Bea: because I am your sister Bea: your actual sister, and it isn't optional Ro: hardly, we both opt out regularly as previously highlighted Bea: No, I don't Ro: you currently are Ro: and you have on many other occasions Bea: Not being able to stomach a whole performance from you trying to be someone else is not opting out Bea: I wouldn't still be here if that were an option Ro: you'd have to know who I was in order to have the slightest indication of whether or not I was attempting to be someone different Bea: I know who you are Bea: but don't insult me by pretending you have the slightest inclination Ro: you insult me with such a barefaced lie Ro: you don't know me at all Bea: You wish Ro: I'm not in the habit of wasting wishes Bea: How's that working out for you? Ro: Perfectly Bea: Then that's really sad Ro: You're a very convincing adult Bea: That's allegedly what you're preparing yourself for Ro: sober disenchanted maturity, so Wuthering Heights asserts among many other turns of phrase Ro: you're more suited to it Bea: You know, drunken, enchanting or youthfulness aren't words anyone would apply to you Bea: so I'd be more careful with what I asserted if I were you, you aren't likely to be thrilled with what you get back Ro: I am content without the constant appraisal of others right now, perhaps when I find my own way to university we can swap places though Ro: if nothing else, it'll grant you a rest Bea: Of course you are Bea: you haven't spent this entire conversation doing just that Bea: at least package your delusions as somewhat believable to anyone else or you just look wholly derranged Ro: this entire conversation is centred around the disruption of my plans and thus my self discipline is the only thing seeking to be placated as you yourself commented Bea: You've sought out every opportunity to assert your appraisals of me, unprompted and unforgiving Bea: I wasn't going to come out of genuine lack of ability, but the poison of spite and bitterness was barely held back between your pursed lips, no need to push hard for all that to spill forth Ro: however you decide to excuse your absence makes no difference to me Bea: It makes no difference because nothing does with you Bea: you'd rather I wasn't there because at least then you have something to lament over Ro: I'd rather you weren't because you've made no secret of the fact you don't want to be, as always Bea: because it's fantasy, none of it is real Bea: what is the point of us going through the motions of pretending to have this life-affirming bonding experience when it'll be nothing close Bea: how easily I could be swapped out for any other bit player confirms that, it isn't true, and this all means fuck all to you Ro: you could be so easily swapped out because necessity has dictated it on more prior occasions than either of us have the time or inclination to call to mind Ro: you kept yourself at a distance long before you left for Cambridge, lecturing me about my lack of integration or whatever you called it doesn't change that Bea: Because it was not me you needed to intergrate with, is the point Ro: romantically aligning yourself with Fraze and babysitting Rocky on occasion doesn't mean you can point out my perceived failings as if you're an expert, moreso Bea: This constant comparison is pointless and not what I'm talking about Bea: you were meant to be a part of this family Bea: YOU, not me Ro: and I am Ro: if only because they're obligated to care for and about me as you're so quick to point out at every single opportunity Bea: if you think that's the only reason, legitimately, for them, then you're proving my point about how out of touch you are Ro: you're the one who keeps propping up this conversation with that as the reasoning Ro: whether or not it has ever crossed my mind hasn't been brought up for discussion Bea: No, it's you failing to do your part, that obligation is a two-way street Bea: you're the one giving it negative connotations Ro: being in someone's debt rarely has positive ones Bea: That's what family is Ro: and contrary to what you believe, I fulfil my responsibilities to this one Bea: If you say so Ro: I do Bea: Then that's all that matters Ro: I'm well aware of what does and doesn't matter Bea: Okay Bea: not me you need to convince Ro: I'm also well aware of where to place my conviction so that it isn't misplaced Bea: Seems like it Ro: Goodbye Bea

We all know Xelloss' interaction with Goldens, but does he have opinions about Ancients? Would he find them admirable? Contemptible? Were they a thriving population in canon, how might his duties and priorities change? I know this requires HC about Ancients, sue me ;P

I think Xelloss genuinely finds Ancient Dragons to be similar to Valgaav: fascinating, with an enticingly unique and morally gray conceptualization of their own social and philosophical cosmogony (in other words, their structure of the universe and its spiritual mechanics).  I think this because of the way he reacted to Valgaav-Darkstar-Volphied’s ideology of questioning the WHY behind the universe’s origins and the origins of the battle between gods and monsters. Part of Valgaav’s beliefs came from the hybridization of the maoh and dragon god, but part of them seemed to lie with the weary pacifism of his Ancient Dragon ancestors.

I honestly think Xelloss has, as a result of his awe and horror at Valgaav’s thought processes, a genuinely higher opinion of the Ancient Dragons than of the Golden Dragons.  He respects them as one respects a genuinely formidable potential adversary, one that has never actively threatened nor insulted him for being a member of the species that he didn’t choose to be.  

Golden Dragons are much more partisan, small-minded, and violent.  That doesn’t mean that every Golden Dragon shares these distasteful qualities, but their social system and the beliefs it espouses (especially the servants of the Fire Dragon King, whereas Aqualord Ragradia’s servants like Milgasia seem more chill and wise), is pro-war, pro-eugenics, and seemingly pretty socially oppressive toward the female gender (the only one we ever see is Filia, who is treated like a child despite being a capable priestess and seer).   

Nothing is more distasteful to Xelloss than hypocrisy (lies to Xelloss are a cardinal sin, which is why he prefers to omit truths rather than fabricate false ones); than narrow-mindedness; than a rigid unwillingness to adaptation, learning and growth. The Goldens tick off all those boxes.  The Ancients do not.  

In fact Xelloss, while not willing to preserve the dignity of their temple, repects the Ancients enough that he speaks a rather malicious non-sequitur to the Supreme Elder, once the full truth of the Goldens’ legacy of genocide is out in the open, about how “[the Ancients] knew what it would have meant” to give a Darkstar weapon to the Goldens, and established a seal using fusion magic. 

Of course all this plays into my ideology that fusion magic is, with the exclusion of Giga Slave and Ragna Blade, the type of magic closest to LoN (both gods and monsters were made in Her image and therefore a fusion of the two comes closest to Her essence) and therefore if Ancient Dragons could harness something similar in their home in the Outerworld, they had a view of the universe and its workings that’s “forbidden” (as Xelloss puts it, about Valgaavs’s “mad” ranting about destroying the world and replacing it with a conflict-free paradise).