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wolfiethewriter · 5 years

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Heirverse masterlist for my personal use

I’ve just overhauled the masterlist on my ff.net profile to try and make it more “reader friendly” (read: less intimidating to look at. If that is even possible at this point)

But i still wanted to keep the original masterlist somewhere as I need it to keep track of the verse timeline wise. And so I know what to work on/write next.

Not expecting people to look at this, I just want it somewhere for peace of mind; I’m paranoid about losing my offline copies and backups for your backups are always good to have.

List below the cut.

Phase 0: Chessboards

sumamary: Follows Aizen and Gin's lives before they meet. Aizen makes a pact with a monster and Gin just tries to survive the Rukongai. Time and Fate bring them both together as teacher and student.

a) Pact - Aizen makes a deal that alters his life forever.

b) Cycle [follow on from Pact] - Aizen reaps the fruits of the pact. (Written by. Timewaster123456789, Edited by SesshomaruFreak.

c) Fast Friends - Gin and Ran meet and decide to be friends. Because no friendship is an accident. Not even theirs. (Written round robin by: TheDrunkenWerewolf, timewaster123456789 and SesshomaruFreak.

d) Fox (working title)

e) Tired Old Game - prequel to Game. Aizen is bored of life and his current partner, Kisuke.

f) Encounter – Aizen meets Gin

g) Looking At You - Aizen and Gin's thoughts on their first meeting. (Written by SesshomaruFreak and Timewaster123456789

h) Chessboards [in work] - intended prequel to Game. Hopefully a shorter story this time.

Phase 1: Game

Summary: Covers Aizen and Gin's slowly developing relationship.

1) Game – AiGin. Fun, happy, silly story. For the most part. How they meet, fall in love, try to manipulate each other.

a) Kill for You

b) Things You Don't See - An introspective piece about Aizen reflecting on the ways he loves Gin, which Gin doesn't see.

c) Safe Harbour - Gin moves in with Aizen. (Written by Timewaster123456789 and TheDrunkenWerewolf)

d) Love Like You - Gin listens to Aizen play his piano after moving in together. Post 'Safe Harbor.'

e) (Tsuku arc)

i) Thunderstorm – Gin waits for Aizen to return home and when he does, he brings a surprise.

ii) Title TBA - Gin is jealous of Tsuku

iii) Teeth of the Storm - Aizen Finds Tsuku (tie to LW&T 7) (Written by timewaster123456789)

f) Aurora Borealis – Aizen makes Gin the northern lights just because he said he wanted to see them.

(Say arc)

2) Say I Love You – Say It prequel. Gin tries to get Aizen to say "I love you." with no success.

a) Say it - AiGin role reversal fic. Because I can. Smut. PWP-ish. Connected to Heir. Gin wants Aizen to say he loves Gin.

b) Entwined – The morning after Say It. Smut. Pure smut. Nothing but smut. I have no excuses. "I do believe his mouth is heaven, his kisses falling over me like stars." - Richard Siken. (Written by Salazar Marvolo)

c) Say it, Again - Follow up to Say it. Gin ditches out on a meeting and Aizen uses this as an excuse to get payback for events in Say it.

3) The Fox's Wedding - mid/late Game era. Spoilers in title. Collaborative with Salazar Marvolo.

a) White Day - Aizen realises there's pros and cons to having gotten married on March 14th. Takes place 1 year after events in Fox's Wedding.

4) Can I Kiss You? - A sun & Monkey prequel one shot.

a) The Sun & The Monkey - Heirverse meets SesshomaruFreak's ByaRen fic, Healing the Moon. Set in later Game era. A collab with Sesh. After watching Renji and Byakuya being more open about their relationship, Aizen, feeling envious, and feeling that level of closeness is missing in his own relationship with Gin, enlists Renji's help to change that.

5) Partners in crime

[part b - Grand Fisher]

6) (Fisher Arc)

i) The Stealer of Faces [Face Stealer]

ii) Midnight Thoughts

iii) Grand Fisher – Aizen thought he had no weaknesses... until he encountered a hollow the shinigami later codenamed Grand Fisher.

iv) In the woods (working title)

v) Circles - Aizen plays his piano for Gin. Connects Game and Lie. potential Game scene but this is to be decided.

vi) In the Forest (in my forest)

b) New Song, Same Old Dance-Aizen tries to push Gin away following the battle with Grand Fisher. (Written by timewaster123456789 and SesshomaruFreak)

Phase 2: Can We Survive This?

summary: Aizen has an affair with Momo in an attempt to get Gin to leave him. Realising its hs biggest mistake, Aizen tries to make it right, but it takes Gin a long time to forgive him for it.

[Part a - CWST]

c) Negotiations - [located in "Love, War & Tedroppia" chapter 4] Rangiku convinces Gin to let her babysit Cherry-chan in exchange for helping him get time alone with Aizen. [I might make a continuation of this as its own story outside the heirverse but we will see]

7) Copycat - A jealous Gin shows Momo who Sousuke belongs to, and tempts fate by doing so.

8) Can We Survive This? - Aizen has an affair with Hinamori. Gin finds out, and wonders if they can survive it, and if he can forgive it. In the end, they grow back together. [Often abbreviated to cwst in my notes, suggested reading before reading this fic: Lie]

a) Gravity - poetry. Gin's pov. Concurrent with events in the early chs of 'Can We Survive This?'. General heirverse tangle. Subtle mirrors to Lie . Strong cwst references. Love and heartbreak. Gunshots as standard issue.

b) Unlove - poetry. Concurrent with cwst. Gin realises that try as he might, he cannot unlove Sousuke.

c) Mistress - Companion to cwst. Hinamori's side of the affair. Some overlap with events in cwst. AiHina with AiGin. An exploration into the darker side of Hinamori.

d) Liar [storyboarding/planning/seeing if it even works]

e) One Love, One Life - When Gin goes to sleep on the couch...and dreams. Kintsugi - the Japanese art of fixing broken pottery by filling the cracks with gold. (Written by Salazar Marvolo)

f) Fxxk You - An extra cwst scene.

g) Crystalline – Gin destroys his mementos of a lifetime with Aizen. Early/mid cwst scene.

h) Growing Back Together: Rainfall - Late cwst scene. Gin decides it's time he forgave Aizen and the pair of them start growing back together, sharing a moment watching the rain together.

[Part b - Lover and Liars]

9) Lie - Sort of prologue to cwst. Some background/context of why Aizen does what he does. Slight Heir/Game spoilers. Ties cwst&Heir together. Aizen's pov.

a) "I Love" - The mirror piece to Lie. Gin's pov. Gin wants Aizen to see and know how he feels. Hellish voice notwithstanding. Concurrent with Lie and later cwst.

b) Monster in the Mirror - Mirror piece to the end of 'I Love' and the fallout that follows. (Written by timewaster123456789)

c) Hear my Prayer - Sousuke feels bad about his recent actions and tries to think of how to make it up to Gin. (Written by HitsugayaKuchiki-HK)

Leverage Point - Tetsuya is captured and reveals some insights into Aizen's situation. (Written by Spunky0ne

10) Would You Rather - post cwst/IL. summary tba

[Part c - Out of Time [to be read in the sequence listed below]

11) Coerced - Aizen is coerced/threatened/blackmailed by Hellish Voice to slaughter the Central 46 to keep Gin safe.

a) Chronos – Aizen realises he's running out of time with Gin before he has to fake his death.

b) Real Enough – Aizen fakes his death and Gin does not react well to seeing his 'corpse'.

c) Obey – Voice forces aizen to slaughter c46.

d) Maniac - Aizen slaughters the Central 46.

Phase 3: Sanctuary

summary: After faking his death, Aizen has to shut himself away in the Central 46 chambers and struggles to keep his sanity. Thankfully Gin is his refuge from the darkness.

[please read this phase in the chronological order listed below]

12) Solitary confinement. [in work] - Sousuke struggles to cope with the isolation that comes with hiding out in the Central 46 chambers after faking his death. Because solitary confinement does terrible things to the human mind. AiGin.

a) Echo [in work] - What happens to Gin while Aizen is in solitary. Mirror to Solitary Confinement.

13) Cold Feet - As time ticks down until they have to leave for the hollow world, Gin tries to cope with his fear that Aizen might leave him behind. Meanwhile, in hiding, Aizen is terrified Gin will back out. And a voice inside his head - a darker aspect of himself - starts poisoning his thoughts, making him question whether he deserves Gin in his life. Cross references to everything heirverse. Collaborative effort with timewaster123456789.

a) A god am I - Aizen reflects on his goals and Gin the night after Cold Feet. (Written by timewaster123456789)

b) Sanctuary – The aftermath of Cold Feet. Aizen and Gin break an eight decade long cycle of lies and chessplay to explore something real. Collab with Timewaster.

c) Home - Sanc. continuation. Sousuke and Gin realise home is where the heart is.

14) Stand by Me - Aizen and Gin arrive in Hueco Mundo.

a) Choices - Gin reflects on all the choices he has made as he steps onto the white sands of the hollow world, and whether they were worth it. Though the answer is obvious. Somewhat of a mirror piece to Stand by Me. And an overview of the entire series phases 1-3.

b) Decisions - poetry companion to Choices (Written by SesshomaruFreak).

15) Vulpecula - Aizen and Gin share a quiet moment together in the garden in Las Noches and watch the stars together.

16) Flowering Dogwood - Sousuke attempts to use the language of flowers to express his gratitude that Gin is still with him.

17) Helios - Aizen makes Gin the sun in Huecco Mundo.

18) Long day - Aizen comes home after a long day.

Phase 4: Heir/Decimated

Summary: Gin asks Aizen for a child to expand their family and reluctantly Aizen agrees. Unfortunately it has disastrous consequences.

19) Come into the night - [located in Love War and Tea chapter 2] PWP really. But just a nice intimate AiGin moment.

a) Lethal Lunacy - Somewhat of a collaborative with Ganymede Lullaby and myself. Aizen reflects on his stupidity re: cwst and how he feels about Gin.

20) Country Move - Grimmjow's view on his new masters. (Written by timewaster123456789)

21) Silence - Gin could never stand silence it bored him. Aizen and he always were opposites. (Written by timewaster123456789

a) Enemy you Know - Gin takes comfort in Aizen's presence after an altercation with Nnoitra. (Written by timewaster123456789)

22) Heir - [ [original version link]

a) Decimated – Aizen forgets something very important. Mid heir scene.

i) Nine Tenths - Aizen's POV of events in Decimated. . Written by Catsafari.

ii) One Tenth (1/10)- Gin's pov of events following Decimated. companion piece to 9/10.

b) Last of Me - summary tba

c) Fragile – Gin feels lost and broken without Aizen even remembering what they were.

d) Alignment - Gin just wants him to remember, though he knows it's pointless .

e) I Can't Be In There With You - Aizen's pov for chs 73/74 of Heir.

23) Today I'll Be Happy –. End of p4, start of p5

Phase 5: After

summary: After the war, Aizen and Gin try to adjust to normal life in the human world.

24) Parenting. - summery tba.

25) Scarred Tissues - Gin has a nightmare about the past. And scars he will carry forever.

Phase X:

summary: a collection of works that can fit anywhere in the heirverse series.

Love, War and Tea - A bunch of miscellaneous AiGin oneshots, most of which are/will be heirverse related, set at various times in the storyline.

Cunning Stunning Fox

In Another Life

Colours Fading – Aizen depression fic.

Tea – Heirverse tl;dr. Aizen, Gin, and the many cups of tea they've shared over the decades.

Incandescent - Gin compares his relationship with Aizen to fairy lights (p1 brainstorm result. Not sure if will make final cut)

#Heirverse masterlist #the writer version #aka how my crazy ass brain keeps track #not expecting people to ever look at this #i just wanted to have it somewhere just in case i lost all my backups of it #fic related #AiGin #ALLLLL the fics ive done over the past DECADE are here

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let-it-raines · 5 years

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Second in Command (Ch. 19)

Second in Command: Life as the “spare to the heir” isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be when you’re the supposed screw-up of the family, but people don’t know what really happens behind closed doors.

Rating: Mature

Found on AO3 | here |

Tumblr Chapters:| 1 | | 2 | | 3 | | 4 | | 5 | | 6 | | 7 | | 8 | | 9 | | 10 | | 11| | 12 | | 13 | | 14 | | 15 | | 16 | | 17 | | 18 | | 19 |

A/N: I almost hate to post this because we’re *this* close to the end (the way I write the epilogue is still undecided), and I don’t want it to end! Thank you guys as always for being so awesome!

Tag list: @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke@kmomof4 @wellhellotragic @profdanglaisstuff @ekr032-blog-blog @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @a-faekindagirl @mayquita @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @teamhook@skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @branlovesouat @dreadpirateemma@alys07 @andiirivera

“Because,” she smiles, and even if he feels like shit right now, he smiles back just because that smile of hers is so damn beautiful, “you, my love, are their uncle. And the amount of love that I know you have in your heart,” she rests her palm over his chest, and he knows she can feel his heart beating, “is just absolutely insane. So even if, God forbid, this child isn’t shown the love they deserve by their parents, they’ll have you, and that will make all the difference in the world.”

“I love you.” He just – he can’t believe that he stumbled into a life where this woman is his, and he loves her so damn much that he can’t not say it. He can’t not tell her at every opportunity he has.

“I love you,” he repeats kissing her forehead, her cheeks, her jaw, her ear, her neck, her shoulder, her lips, any place he can get his lips in contact with, whispering an I love you against the skin of every place his lips touch.

“I love you, too,” she finally replies once he gives her some reprieve, lips swollen and chest flushed red. “Will you come to bed with me tonight?”

“Always.”

She takes his hand and leads him from the barstools to the staircase that leads to her apartment. Most of the lights are turned off, but the hallway’s overhead lamp casts a soft yellow shadow over the darkened apartment. He can hear the telltale box fan that David and Mary Margaret sleep with, and he smiles at the familiarity of it all, the normalcy. He could likely map this apartment with his eyes closed, knowing all of the inches of the hardwood, the places where the wood groans under his weight from Emma’s bedroom on his path to the bathroom in the middle of the night. This place…this place is his home, but to the outside world, he’s never existed between these walls. He’s never stepped foot here according to most, but his entire world resides here. His entire world resides here, and she’s guiding him into her room with practiced, familiar hands that grasp onto his.

They don’t really speak the entire time that he slips out of his clothes and into some of the sleeping clothes that he keeps here. Half of her closet is filled with his things, and it makes him smile as he folds the shirt he was wearing and places it on the top shelf with his jeans. He longs for the day when his home is filled with her things, their things, but his relationship with his family has never been worse than it is right now. It’s complicated in every sense of the word, and he’s got no clue how they’re going to tell his family about the two of them when the time is right.

Is the time ever going to be right?

Is there ever going to be an outcome that doesn’t end in disaster, in losing the woman he cares for more than anything?

He’s terrified of losing her, of losing Emma. She’s the best thing in his life, the woman who has convinced him that he’s worth loving and that family isn’t all bad, that all the small pieces of good that he sees in his might actually be able to bloom into something more. She, despite all of the things she’s been through in life, sees the good in the world, in him, when he sometimes only sees the darkness. So as for right now, they’ll go on as they have been for nearly five years, and things between them will stay good and stay happy.

He might be a coward for not telling his family, or it very well may be the bravest thing he’s ever done by loving someone who he was never supposed to love. Of course, he knows that he was actually supposed to love her. He’s not sure if he believes in fate, but something led him here five years ago. And something keeps bringing him back.

“You’re overthinking, babe,” Emma accuses as she settles down onto her bed, shifting under the covers and sitting up against the headboard until she gets into a comfortable position.

“I would argue, but I know there’s no point in lying to you.”

“Just come to bed, Killian,” she encourages, soft smile on her face that he can barely make out over the darkness of the room, the only light coming from her open blinds and the streetlamps outside, but her smile still makes the vicious storm in his mind settle into a light rain. “You’ll feel better in the morning.”

He sighs before crawling into bed with her, sliding his body under the covers and burying his face in the pillow he’s come to know as his as Emma’s fingers move over his bare back, her nails lightly digging into his skin while she draws indiscernible patterns over his back. It feels fantastic, small tingles running down his spine the longer she does it, and when she starts pressing kisses against each of his vertebrae, he thinks he might fall asleep at how soothing all of her touches are. How soothing they always are.

How can one person calm him so?

“Your shoulders are still tense. Have you been this stressed out all day?”

“Yes.” “Why didn’t you call me?”

“I didn’t want to bother you.” Her fingers stop their movements momentarily before starting up again, this time a little more forceful, pressing into him and working out the stresses a carries in his body. “You’re never bothering me, Killian. If you need to talk, I’m here without question. Without fail. You know that.”

He does know that, but sometimes he doesn’t want to share his burdens with Emma. He doesn’t wish to weigh her down with them, but he knows that’s unhealthy. They share with each other, and they work through things together. But stubbornness often prevails until it doesn’t, either he or Emma pulling the other out of their solitude.

“Aye, but I wanted time to myself. I felt ridiculous being so upset over my sister-in-law telling me she’s pregnant. I love Abigail. I should be thrilled. Why am I not thrilled? What kind of asshole does that make me?”

Probably the worst of the worst. What kind of man isn’t happy for his family?

“It doesn’t make you one. You’ve got a complicated relationship with your family. Most people have complicated relationships with their family. It’s never all sunshine and roses for everyone, even my small family, and you’re doing the best you can under the circumstances.”

He sighs into the pillow, and while Emma doesn’t solve his problems tonight, she makes him feel better about them, makes him understand that few things are ever as bad as they seem. “You know I love you, right?”

“You may have mentioned it a few times today.”

He turns his head to look at her, her face half in the light and half in the darkness so that one emerald eye shines brightly. “You’re cheeky.”

“I know I am. And I love you, too by the way. I thought you should know that. So you want to hear a story?”

“A story?”

What the hell is she talking about? Why does she want to tell him a story?

“Yeah, you know, like ‘once upon a time’ and all that? I know you know what a story is, babe. You’re university educated after all.”

“Obviously,” he chuckles, reaching his hand up to cup her face, feeling her soft skin under his touch, “but I don’t understand why you want to tell one.”

“Because I’m not ready to go to bed, and I think you need something to cheer you up.”

He smiles, and something settles in his heart, something he’s known for a long time but is continuously reaffirmed. She’s it for him. There will never be anyone else but her, and no matter what happens with his family, he’ll always have Emma just as she will always have him. He doesn’t know what will happen with his family when they do eventually tell them, but he knows what will happen with he and Emma.

“Alright, darling, tell me a story.”

She slides down the bed and turns on her side so that her nose is brushing against his and her hand is resting on his shoulder, fingers dancing across his skin.

“So once upon a time,” she begins, smiling at him so brightly that he can practically feel it in his bones, and he moves his right hand from her cheek to hold onto her waist, feeling the soft curve there, “there was a man and a woman – ”

“I like this story already.”

“Shush. I’m trying to tell a really riveting tale. I think it’s like a fairytale, but it’s better because it’s real.”

He squeezes her waist, and she scrunches her face up so that all of her features are contorted, making her look like some kind of Emma-adjacent blob. “I shall listen with rapt attention, my love.”

“You’re sweet,” she gushes before reaching up to kiss his nose. “So as I was saying, there was a man and a woman, and the man crashes into the woman’s home unannounced and the tiniest bit unwelcome, his clothes wet from the rain. They don’t hit it off right away, but it’s funny how things change…”

“Hey, so what are we getting your dad for his birthday?”

“His birthday?”

“Babe, his birthday is in two weeks. There’s a dinner and everything at Windsor. How do I know this and you don’t?”

“It slipped my mind, I guess.”

“Okay, well, we have to get him something. He’s been really into maps lately. I don’t really get it but whatever. So I was thinking we could get him, like, those old-timey maps of the areas around all of the palaces and have them framed. I found some online that can be here in five days. Come look.”

He walks from the kitchen counter where he was making himself a cup of coffee to stand behind where she’s seated at the table, propping his chin on the top of her head and peering down at the computer screen. She’s got several tabs pulled up with the maps and the corresponding frames that they can have matted to the maps to give to his dad at the birthday party that is apparently upcoming.

“See,” she points to the frames, “the dark mahogany will match your dad’s study at Windsor, and since I know that’s his more informal room, I think these would work there.”

He places his coffee on the table before cupping her head and pulling it back so that he can lean over her and kiss her, the taste of toothpaste on her lips not mixing in well with his coffee, but it could be worse.

“Did you just Spider-man kiss me?”

“What?”

“The Spiderman kiss? You know, the iconic one where they’re upside down and in the rain? Did you just try that?”

“Not on purpose. I was going to kiss your forehead, but I moved down at the last minute.” He reaches up to scratch behind his ear, and how does he still get nervous around this woman? “Did it, uh, did it work?”

She shrugs, and he moves to sit at the edge of the table so that he can look at her, picking up his coffee and taking another sip.

“I think we’ve got some work to do before we’re Peter Parker and Mary Jane, but I like your spunk, kid.”

He laughs into his mug, the way Emma had changed her accent to mimic accents used in movies decades ago brings joy to his face so that lines crease around his eyes, and she’s in such a good mood this morning that he really hates that they won’t be spending the day together. He’d like to do something relaxing like going for a walk in the gardens and spending the day lounging around in the pleasant May weather, the sun beating down on their skin. Or maybe spend the day in bed like they’d spent their morning. Alas, he has events today while Emma has more dress fittings before joining him at a dinner tonight.

“I like your idea for my dad’s birthday present. That’s brilliant, love. I don’t know how I forgot.”

“It’s on both of our calendars, but that’s why you’ve got me.” She pats his leg before going back to look at the laptop screen. “And then you can pay back for this when I forget my mom’s birthday.”

Their two weeks pass in last minute wedding planning, confirming all of the details that still need to be finalized, and as he and Emma drive to Windsor for his dad’s birthday party, his father’s framed maps wrapped in the trunk of his car, he’s reminded of his dad’s birthday last year. That was when this whole thing started, when his brother saw his texts to Emma and the two of them had been exposed to his family. It was like his world was ending, everything crashing down around him, but now he’s riding with the woman who will be his wife in nine days to the very event that was the catalyst to the two of them being able to be here today. It’s everything he’s ever wanted, the woman who he loves by his side and a family who he loves accepting him, loving him, and loving Emma for who she is, flaws and cracked history included. It’s been the most insane year of his life, and while he’d love to change a lot of things, it doesn’t matter.

They’re here now.

His father’s seventy-first birthday is a much more casual affair than his father’s seventieth birthday last year, but everyone will still be dressed in tuxes and gowns that glisten under the chandeliers. There had been hordes of photographers waiting outside the gates as they drove in, and while the bright flashes in the darkness of the night were jarring, it’s nothing he’s not used to at this point. Once he and Emma gave them a wave through the cars, their security behind them, they waned off until the two of them could safely get through the gates.

When they walk through the halls of Windsor, both of their hands full with the gifts, Emma’s heels clacking along the tile floor, he smiles thinking of them walking through these same halls when they’re married in the next few days. He knows those days will drag along excruciatingly slowly, but the simple anticipation of life after this wedding is causing him to be flush with excitement, his entire body buzzing. This day has been a long time coming, and it hasn’t simply been since they were engaged. It’s been since long before that, years even, and it’s now nearly a week away.

They sit down to dinner in the ballroom they’re not using for the wedding, as it’s being renovated and decorated, all of his immediate family surrounding him at the head table while cousins, both close and distant, and other guests fan out at the other tables. He knows that he’ll have to make the rounds with everyone later, thank them for coming today and staying for the wedding, but right now he can simply enjoy spending time with his family, something that never would have happened last year.

“So, dad,” Killian starts while they’re in between courses, “where are you going for your birthday this year? Still Balmoral after the public celebration at the end of June?”

“Killian, when have we ever changed it up?”

“Never,” he laughs, “but it’s been awhile since I’ve actually gone with you.”

“That’s because you were sneaking off to see Emma,” his mother chimes in, and when he turns to Emma, she simply shrugs. Blush still rises to her cheeks under her makeup, though, and it’s true. He would skip out on family vacations to spend time with her. Sitting in a small bedroom above a pub seemed more appealing than the sprawling estate of Balmoral. It still does, if he’s honest, but he does miss that place. They’d had some fun times there when he was a child, and he’d like to go back. Maybe he and Emma will later this summer when everyone else is spending their summer months there.

“To be fair,” Emma placates, raising her hands in the air like she’s been pulled over by the police, “I never asked him to skip out on family vacations.”

“Bullocks,” everyone chimes in at once before breaking out into laughter, and this may be the most in sync his family has ever been.

“If I’d been dating a lass in secret, I sure as hell would have skipped out on family functions.” Liam smiles until Abigail gently slaps his arm.

“You better not be dating a lass in secret.”

“It was only a joke, darling.”

Emma leans over to whisper in his ear, and her perfume intoxicates him. It’s been driving him crazy all night, and it doesn’t help the way his stomach has been hurting from laughter. “You see what we have to look forward to when we’re married.”

He laughs before he turns and kisses her cheek. “We’re already like that. You and Abigail are cut from the same cloth.”

“And it’s a bloody good cloth,” Abigail protests, and when he turns his head, his entire family is looking at he and Emma. “It’s cute that the two of you don’t think we can all hear you.”

“We know that you can hear us,” Emma chuckles, moving her hair to the right side so that her shoulders are bared, and she is just stunning tonight, the light blue of her dress bringing out the slight blueness in her eyes. “You’re just lucky we didn’t say anything more about the two of you.”

“We could say plenty about the two of you as well, Mr. and Mrs. ‘We Don’t Need Stag and Hen Parties.’”

“Technically, that was all Killian.”

His face recoils into his neck as he looks over at Emma with parted lips. “You said you were fine with that.”

She reaches over to pat his leg, a soft smile on her face. “I am. The weekend we had in the country was perfect. It was just a joke, babe.”

“See,” Liam laughs, pointing at the two of them across the table like a child, “you are exactly like us already.”

The rest of the dinner goes along the same way, all of them teasing each other and laughing during the meal, especially during the speeches that he and Liam give about their father. Well, it was one speech, and they worked together on it, something they had never done before unless it was a special event where their speeches were written for them. It’s still a bit odd working with his brother, getting along with him, but three hundred and sixty-five days can change your entire world.

While everyone is moving about the room chatting with all of the other guests, he grabs onto Emma’s wrist and discreetly pulls her out of the ballroom when she’s in between guests.

“W-what are you doing?” she laughs as he gets her into the hallways, the short train of her gown moving just behind her.

“Do you want to go sit in the Chapel?”

“What?”

“Do you want to go sit in the Chapel? Just you and me? It’ll be the only time we’ll ever get in there with just us.”

“What about your dad’s birthday?”

“No one will notice we’re gone. We’ve been there for two hours.”

She seems to think about it for a minute, moving her head from side to side in the way that she does while weighing the pros and cons of things. And then she smiles, and he knows that he’s won her over.

“Okay, let’s go.”

He leads her through all of the hallways, her arm wrapped around his the entire way until she releases him as they’re walking in the back door of St. George’s Chapel and standing on the black and white checkered tile floor, every movement that they make echoing throughout the hall, bouncing off of the walls until it disappears into the darkness.

“How did you know it would be unlocked?”

He shrugs before he smirks and happiness blooms in his chest. That’s happening a lot lately. “I may have asked for the side door to be unlocked so we could do this.”

Emma saunters toward him, her heels hitting against the floor even louder in here than in the halls of the castle, and wraps her arms around his neck, a bright smile on her face that reflects the one gracing his own. “So you planned this ahead of time?”

“I did.”

“You’re quite the romantic soul, you know that?”

“I do.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to say those words in here yet. We might accidentally be married, and think of the scandal.”

He laughs before resting his forehead against her and slanting his lips over hers, the both of them smiling into the kiss as her tongue teases at him before he pulls back. “Think of the scandal if they knew we kissed within these walls.”

Their lips barely leave each other as Emma’s eyes flutter open, her eyelashes hitting his cheeks, a slight tingling sensation lingering there. “Such rebels are we.”

“Why are you talking like Yoda?”

“You’re romantic. I bring pop culture into our romantic moments and ruin them. That’s how we roll, babe.”

“You don’t ruin anything.”

“May you always think that.”

He chuckles before kissing her again, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her as close as he possibly can so that their bodies are pressed together in an intimate embrace that the walls of this Chapel have likely never seen. When they pull back from each other, he guides Emma around, showing her the different sections of the Chapel and telling her a bit of the history behind it that has been ingrained in his mind over the years. She’s been here several times before for wedding purposes, and she’ll be here again several times next weekend, but it’s never been just the two of them. So they have their own little history lesson, Emma’s hands tracing along different parts of the architecture as he speaks, until they’re back at the side door ready to leave, the great halls at their back.

He holds out his arm for her until she slides her arm in to hook with his before he asks, “are you ready, darling?”

“I’m ready.”

The sound of rain beats against the roof of the apartment, like a constant beating of a drum being pounded against the barriers that surround him and drown out all of the other sounds that may be going on outside. It’s not heavy, more of a pitter-patter of fat droplets hitting against the glass of the windows shown by the open curtains of their bedroom, but it’s constant enough to fill his ears and wake him from sleep before the sun has even risen. Maybe it won’t rise because of the darkness of the clouds coating the shadows of the sky and the water coating the ground, but as of now, there’s still a solid hour before any light would even possibly break through the sky and shine down to earth.

This most definitely wasn’t in the weather forecast. He’s been watching the weather channel almost religiously, he and Emma usually falling asleep with tomorrow’s forecast flashing up on the screen, greens and blues fading into black as sleep consumes them and takes them away from the waking world. Hopefully the downfall of water will stop before Emma wakes up so that she doesn’t have any extra worries for tomorrow. It matters not how often they’ve prepped for what happens if rain falls tomorrow because he’ll still worry regardless. But they’ve always held out some kind of hope that the weather would stay nice for just these two days, and they’ll continue to hope for that. Often random showers torment England before the sun shines for the rest of the day, but it’s also just as likely that one summer storm indicates days of inclement weather. It won’t be the end of the world, but it’d be nice for the sun to shine down on them.

Killian carefully moves Emma’s hands off of his stomach before quietly crawling out of bed and closing all of the curtains in the room so that he cannot see the water droplets racing down the window before crawling back into bed as slowly as possible. Emma’s a deep sleeper, but she usually notices when he moves around too much. He thinks he’s made it, pulling the comforter back up his body as she breathes in soft puffs of air, but just as he sighs in relief and twists his body to adjust his pillow, her eyes pop open like she’s been shocked, green eyes almost electric.

He reaches up to stroke her face, moving her hair back behind her ear and trying to silently urge her to fall back asleep in the early hours of this morning. They both need their sleep for their next few days, and it just won’t do for them to be any more tired than they already are. “Go back to sleep, love.”

She mumbles something under her breath before crawling back over to him and wrapping her arms back around his waist and nestling her head back into the crook of his neck while he rubs her back to try to soothe the both of them into slumber. He loves little moments like this with her, just the two of them and the rest of the world blacked out. They don’t even have to be talking to each other. The companionable silence is perfectly fine as he feels their closeness with the way they breathe together. He’s wanted to marry her for years, but he’s only known that he gets to marry her for a little under half of a year and it almost doesn’t seem real to him that this is the last time they’ll sleep together before they’re husband and wife. He doesn’t think much will change, not with the way they’ve lived their lives and how committed they are to each other, but he knows that the both of them are excited for their commitment to each other to be official.

He’s just about to fall back asleep, already halfway pulled into the beginnings of his sleep cycle, when Emma suddenly sits up, her hands pushing against his chest until she harshly flops back down onto him, her elbows hitting him right in what he thinks is his spleen before she rolls off of him and onto the bed. Bloody violent woman.

“Is that rain?”

“No.”

“You’re a liar.” She moves against his chest again, and damn she’s bony today. “It’s rain. That was not in the forecast.”

“I know, darling,” he maneuvers himself until she’s not elbowing him anymore and starts rubbing her back again, “but it’s not too heavy. I think we should really try to go back to sleep. It’s still early.”

“I don’t think I can go back to sleep.”

She doesn’t sound worried necessarily, but her voice is already more alert than it usually is when she’s up this early in the morning. She’s been up this early a lot lately with all of their obligations, and he cannot wait until they’re in Italy next week so that the two of them can sleep in with absolutely no distractions.

“Because of the rain?”

“No. Because we have a lot to do today, and my mind is already running all over the place.”

“I think we need to live in this quiet moment. It’s going to be the last one we get for awhile.”

“But.”

“Emma.”

“Killian.”

He pulls her back on top of him so that her lips are a hairsbreadth away from his, and while they should really go back to sleep, this new idea he is forming now is a good idea, too. It’s always a good idea.

“Enjoy the quiet moments, love.”

He captures her lips with his, using his hand to tilt her head to the side to get more access to her mouth while her hands trail up into his hair, causing small shivers to go through him with the feelings of her pulling his hair and scratching at his scalp while his own hands begin to snake down her body. He loves her curves, the way she’s toned with muscles but still soft as his hand traces the dip of her waist and travels down to her hip, curving again to the underside of her firm ass and maneuvering enough to give it an equally firm squeeze before he works to flip her over so that she’s on her back, her grunt transforming into a laugh when the flip doesn’t turn out as smooth as he was planning on it being.

She whimpers, and the sound goes straight through him, all of his blood rushing to his groin along with all of the heat in his body. He’s barely even touched her yet, and he’s almost reared and ready to go.

But she’s not, even with the little sounds she’s making, so he releases her lips, a loud, wet smack echoing throughout the room and standing out against their background music of the rain, before inching her shirt slowly up her body, making sure that his fingers trail against the skin, nails digging into her and leaving the faintest of marks on her stomach. When the material is above her breasts, which are now gloriously bare to him, he stops to dip his head down and suck at her nipples, feeling them harden in his mouth as he alternates between the two of them, her little noises and encouraging words urging him to continue on.

“D- don’t.”

Or maybe not.

“Don’t what, love?”

“Don’t leave a…a mark. You can’t leave a mark anywhere.”

“Aye, I know. I won’t. I’m just appreciating the gloriousness of your body, my love.”

“You have such a way with words when your mouth should be occupied.”

He pops his head up that, his right eyebrow going with it, and while Emma’s never been much of a talker during their love making, not like he is and definitely not as often, he does quite enjoy when she gives him little, feisty encouragements and teasings like that.

“You got something in mind?”

She hums, closing her eyes as a serene smile pops onto her face like whatever is she’s thinking of will cause that look of contentment, and he’s physically aching to give that to her.

“I do.”

She presses her hands against his chest and attempts to push him off of her only for him to grind his hips into hers and press more of his weight over her, causing her to laugh into his shoulder the more pressure he puts on her. He’s teasing her, and they both know it.

“You’re being an asshole.

He laughs against her forehead before moving down her body so that he can kiss her again, his mouth exploring the well-known treasures of Emma that he would and will discover again and again and again no matter how many times he’s discovered them before, mapping the lines of her body with his tongue as she’s done the same with him.

“So still an asshole, huh?”

“Yep,” she pops the p at the end before bucking her hips up into his, and damn that little bit of friction feels good, the sensation causing him to hiss a bit. He needs to be inside of her. He needs her. “But an asshole who needs to undress so I can fuck him.”

“So eloquent, darling.”

She laughs before she pushes at him again, and this time he allows her to move him off of her, flopping down onto the mattress and staring up at Emma as she scrambles the rest of the way out of her shirt and strips off her shorts all while he watches her, every droplet of his blood rushing below his waist. She is the most glorious woman alive, and he’s not sure that he’ll ever get used to being with her.

He kind of hopes that he doesn’t.

She simply hums in response to his words before she crawls on top of him, her knees on either side of his waist while she presses her slick core against the bare skin right above his boxers. He’s distracted by that while she presses her lips against his chest, running her tongue against his nipples, and oh damn she’s going to kill him like this, isn’t she?

“You know you’re the one who’s always been better with words, but I like to think that I do okay.”

And then she’s moving down his body, tracing the lines of his body with her lips and her tongue until she hooks her fingers into his boxers and he lifts her his hips to help her pull them down, his cock bobbing against his stomach when she gets his briefs all the way down and tosses them onto the floor at the foot of his bed. He’s reaching down to pull her up for a kiss, but before his hands can reach her, she’s taking him in hand and wrapping her lips around his length and bobbing her head up and down, the wetness of her mouth devouring him.

“Fuck,” he hisses when she lifts her head and swirls her tongue around his tip, his entire body humming in appreciation as she builds him higher and higher with her mouth and her hand, his length somehow hardening the longer she works at him. “Emma, darling, I – uh, fuck, love. You gotta…I’m going to…Emma please.”

She releases him, her saliva dripping down him, and the vixen smirks at him, a wicked smile curving on her face as she moves to capture his lips in a searing kiss, their tongues tangling together in a slick, wet slide while his hands tangle into her hair.

“Not so eloquent with your words are you now?”

He laughs against her lips before kissing her again, his hands gliding along her hair until he can cup her cheeks, moving the pads of his thumbs under her eyes until she pulls back from him, the irises of her eyes only the slightest bit green under the blackness of desire. Suddenly the heat of the moment disappears as he looks at her, studies her really, yet again memorizing the way the freckles brush over her nose and how she’s got the slightest bit of mascara smudged just below her quirked eyebrows.

“What?” she questions, her voice lilting with the question.

He moves to press her loose hair behind her ear with his right hand while his left palm still cups her cheek, thumb still moving over the skin. “Nothing. Just thinking about how much I love you.”

She smiles before pressing her forehead against his, the warmth of her skin invading him as her nose brushes back and forth against his and her own hands cup the back his head, fingers carding through the hair at the nape of his neck making him feel like he’s in some kind of euphoric bliss even when they haven’t joined together yet.

“I love you, Killian. I know we were teasing each other about how eloquent we can be or whatever, but I really can’t express how much. I know that’s cheesy or whatever and I – ”

He captures her lips again, sucking on her bottom lip again before releasing her, her lips kiss swollen with slightly burned by his scruff.

“I’m good with cheesy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I like it, and sometimes cheesy isn’t a bad thing, you know?”

“I do.”

Eventually she moves down his body, settling over his hips and guiding his length into her heat while he holds onto her hips, sinking down onto him and incasing him in the slickness of her walls while they both sigh and groan into the pleasure of it. Emma moves above him, her breasts bouncing as she uses her muscles to lift herself up and down, her nails digging into his chest until she gets into a rhythm she obviously enjoys, her head thrown back in pleasure as the pace of her breathing increases while his does the same.

“So good, sweetheart,” he groans when her hips continue to swivel as he begins to match her movements with his own thrusts. “So tight and warm around me, like you were made for me.”

She whimpers when harshly thrusts up into her, burying himself as deep as he can while in this position, and the sounds goes right through him, pleasure building in every inch of his spine and settling at the base until he sits up, almost causing her to fall off of him at the sudden movement, so that he can join their lips together, all of their moans and pants being captured by the other’s lips until neither of them can breathe, while Emma’s arms wrap around his shoulders, holding on tightly as her nails dig into his back, her thrusts stopping momentarily while he continues to sheath himself inside of her.

It’s an awkward series of movements until he lays back against the pillows, bringing Emma down with him, propping himself up on his feet, his muscles screaming in use as the rest of his body sings in pleasure, while he pumps himself into her heat, feeling her walls contract around him as her bliss begins.

“I love you,” she whimpers when his pace increases, her breasts brushing against the hair on his chest as he forces her entire body to move with each of his thrusts, her hips moving with him as he harshly grabs onto her ass, moving her with him as much as he can. He can feel her everywhere, every inch of his body covered in the soft, smooth skin of hers. He’s never felt closer to her than he has in this moment, and as her walls tightly contract around him and her breath hitches, he hopes that she feels the same while she falls apart on top of him.

He works her through it, continuing to move inside of her and fondle the globes of her ass, nails digging into her skin, and when she comes back to herself, she swivels her hips to move him higher and higher, the pleasure and ecstasy moving from the base of his spine to the tips of his ears and the curl of his toes until he’s whispering his love into her ear, furiously kissing her jaw while he spills himself into her, his length convulsing while his entire body tenses before everything is bliss.

She slides out of him with a hiss, his essence dripping down her thighs, and instead of getting up to grab a wet cloth, she stays hovering above her for a moment before she flips over on her back, a dopey smile on her face that makes him smile even with his shaking limbs.

“You have a good time there, love?”

“Oh God, yes. That’ll tide me over until tomorrow night.”

“What makes you think you’re going to get lucky tomorrow?”

She doesn’t respond, her chest still heaving slightly, before crawling back on top of him as she lays wet kisses against his chest, following the dark trail of his hair before moving back up to kiss at his neck and his jaw. This isn’t helping the calming of his heart, and it’s a good thing they were up far earlier than they had to be.

“I don’t know about you,” she whispers in his ear, biting the lobe quickly before pulling away, a shiver running over his shoulders and causing them to shake the slightest bit, “but I think bets are pretty good that I’m going to get laid on my wedding night.”

“Oh, are you getting married tomorrow? What a lucky man.”

“He has no idea.”

“Trust me. He does.”

After finally cleaning themselves up and opening the curtains so that they can see the rain fall, they climb back into bed and lay in silence for a long while as Emma runs her nails through the hair at his chest and he rubs lazy circles into her hips. It’s the most relaxed he’s felt in a long time, and he idly wonders if he should be high on nerves for tomorrow or if this is exactly how it’s supposed to be. He doesn’t know, and he’s never really asked any of his married friends or family. But he thinks that this feels right.

Emma sighs before she nestles further into his shoulder, and he feels her lips against his shoulder. “I love you,” she whispers, the sound almost getting lost as a wisp of air underneath the still going rain. He wonders if that’ll ever stop. There are probably people freaking out about it for the wedding right now, but worrying won’t do anything to help the rain stop.

“I love you, too.” He presses a kiss into her hairline, and he’s glad to know she feels as content as he does. “I think we should get married just like this.”

“Naked and in bed?”

“It’s been done before. Probably somewhere in my own family line.”

“Well, who are we to break from tradition?”’

The rain eventually dies down, the sun coming out to shine and dry the water coating the ground and the trees, but neither of them move from their position in bed, lounging around and teasing each other until they come together again, this time quick and hard. The entirety of their bodies are pressed together as he pushes himself into her, swiveling his hips as he pulls out before pushing back in, and his lips rarely leave Emma’s. When they do, it’s to whisper words of love to each other, and while the sound of the rain is gone, he wouldn’t notice for how wrapped up he is in Emma and for the sound of his heart pounding in his chest.

They are eventually called out of their room so that they can get ready for the day, Emma’s stylists ringing the doorbell when neither of them have managed to drink their morning coffee, but at least they’ve showered at this point, the early morning not allowing them any extra time as they wasted it away in bed.

Well, he wouldn’t call it a waste.

The rest of the day passes by in a literal blur of reviewing everything for tomorrow, going through the ceremony step by step several times with their aides until they actually get to St. George’s Chapel and rehearse three times, his legs aching until everything is done perfectly and they’re allowed to leave for the dinner.

There are hordes of people waiting outside of the Chapel and while they could easily go out a back exit and never be seen by anyone, Emma suggested that they go greet people for just a few minutes. She’s taken to this whole public eye thing like a fish in water in the past few weeks, and while he knows she still gets nervous, she’s a bit braver and more confident every time.

“Are you sure, darling?” he double checks, grabbing onto her hand and twining their fingers together and squeezing. “We don’t have to.”

She shrugs. “They’re all out there for us. We might as well go say hi.”

She makes a solid point, and he braces himself before the two of them get ready to walk out the front steps of the Chapel where they’ll exit tomorrow as husband and wife. There’s quite a crowd gathered, more than he expected for tonight, and he can see the faces brighten as the two of them walk out and wave with their free hands. He also feels the eyes of the cameras zoom in on them, but it comes with the territory, especially lately and in the new future with the media demand and coverage over he and Emma.

He’s attempting to decide which group of people to speak with when Emma tugs on his hand and directs him to a group of young girls holding signs indicating that they’re most likely from America, and she practically drags him over to them.

“Hi, girls,” she greets, reaching out to shake their hands, “I’m Emma, and this is Killian.”

“We know who you are,” one of them giggles.

“Ah, right,” Emma laughs. “It’s a force of habit, and I like to introduce myself as simply Emma when I can. So you all are from America?”

“From Maine! Like you!”

“They must make all of the loveliest ladies in Maine then,” he flirts, and even when Emma whips her head to look at him, her eyes saying I cannot believe you just embarrassed them like that, a smile still tugs at his lips at the ways all of the girls blush.

“Excuse Killian,” Emma laughs, “he’s a bit of a charmer.”

“Oh we know. We all call him Prince Charming.”

The girl who says it immediately claps her hands over her mouth, and he almost has to do the same to contain his laughter.

“I prefer devilishly handsome, but I thank you for your compliments. I hope you all have a lovely rest of your trip.”

He and Emma go about collecting the gifts from everyone, various boxes that they hand to their aides as well as several flower arrangements, which Emma promises to either add to her bouquet or add to their centerpieces, much to the excitement of the men and women gifting them the flowers. It’s a bloody brilliant idea to make these people feel included since they took time out of their Friday simply for the chance of seeing he and Emma. And since the flowers from the wedding will all be donated to charities on Sunday, he thinks that it’s an even more brilliant idea to have such a personal touch.

The personal touch is simply Emma.

They move along to several other people before their security tells them that it’s time to go inside as more and more people are making their way here, and they still have a dinner to go to. He and Emma wave, thanking the last few well-wishers for tomorrow before loading up into the car and being driven away to a back entrance of the castle for their rehearsal dinner.

He’s coming back from the restroom in the middle of dinner when he hears two very distinct voices chatting down the corridor. It doesn’t feel right to eavesdrop, but he cannot help himself when he stops and waits just before the archway of the hall and listens for a moment.

“ – and I finally wanted to let you know that you’re going to be a stunning bride tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Liam. For all of that. It means the world to me that you’re here for Killian now.”

“Aye, I hate that I was a bloody insipid man in the past. It was…still is, awful of me.”

“It was.” He smiles at Emma telling Liam how it is, and she’s amazing, really. Just the greatest woman he can imagine. “But as long as nothing like all of that ever happens again and you stay being a good person above all, we’ll say it’s ancient history, yeah?”

“Sounds like a plan to me, lass. Thank you for being understanding.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I’ll beat your ass if you do something to hurt him again.”

“So you’ve told me. Repeatedly.”

He smirks from his hidden position. He knows that Emma and Liam have had their own personal chats to deal with all of the history not just between Liam and Killian but between Liam and Emma, but no part of him is surprised that Emma has offered to kick Liam’s ass more than once. She could do it, too. Absolutely no doubt about it.

“But he’s so much happier now having his family be his family, so I don’t think I’ll be kicking your ass anytime soon.”

“Bloody shame that.”

He hears Liam’s laugh, bright and cheery and just happy, before he hears the click of her heels start to fade away as the two of them undoubtedly start walking back to the dinner. He smiles to himself at the bit of conversation he just heard, and when he walks back to the dining hall, he finds Emma sitting back down at their table. After he joins her, he leans over and plants a rather passionate kiss for being in public on her lips, and he can feel her smile into it.

“Hi.”

“Hi, babe.”

“Have any interesting conversations in hallways while I was gone?”

Her eyes widen and her lips part, and he knows she’s going to slap his shoulder before she even does it. Or attempts to do it. He doesn’t let her capturing her wrist and bringing it to his mouth to kiss.

“You’re an eavesdropper.”

“It’s not my fault you had a private conversation in a public area.”

“But you stayed hidden to listen to it.”

“I heard you threaten to kick Liam’s ass.”

“Good. So you know I can do that to you, too.”

“Aye,” he answers, kissing her wrist again. “I love you.”

“Love you, my sleuth.”

“Oi,” his brother shouts from out of nowhere, “the two of you can be all over each other later. Finish your dinner so we can have desert.”

“I agree with that,” David joins in. “What’s that saying? Let them eat cake.”

“Wrong family lineage, David.”

“But cake is never wrong, Killian.”

“Dad,” Emma laughs, twisting in her chair to look over at her father, “we’re not even having cake tonight. You’re a day ahead.”

“You get your love of cake from someone, darling, and your mom and I have been dieting ever since you got engaged. We need the cake.”

“We really need the cake,” Mary Margaret pipes in, her voice almost at a growl, and he and Emma both laugh, each of them covering their mouths as they watch Mary Margaret shrug before shoveling more food in her mouth. “I love both of you, but I’m not sure this diet is worth it anymore. We work in a pub that serves greasy food. This has not been easy.”

“Well tomorrow,” Killian raises his glass and holds it over the table until everyone raises theirs as well, “we eat.”

“We eat,” everyone repeats, the sounds of wine glasses clinking together before everyone takes a sip.

“Now let David and Mary Margaret eat soufflé before they eat us.”

“Killian,” she giggles, and damn does he love when she says his name when he’s peppering kisses across her neck, sloppy and wet and altogether not eloquent. “Killian,” she moans again, and he doesn’t want to let her go, nudging her into the wall so that his entire body covers her while her hands are wrapped around his neck.

He noncommittedly hums, moving from kissing her neck, knowing very well not to stay in one place too long so as not to leave too much scruff burn from her warnings this morning, to her jaw, smelling in the scent of the flowers of her perfume and the vanilla of her body wash. It’s a perfect mixture that he associates with her so much so that when he’s in a garden or near baked goods, he thinks of her.

He’s always thinking of her…which is probably why he’s not too keen on sending her off to her hotel with her mother and Ruby right now while he stays in a suite with Liam. Liam snores, and while they’ll be in separate rooms, he’ll still likely hear his brother. He doesn’t know how Abigail does it every single night.

“You’re bloody enchanting,” he whispers against her skin, nosing at her cheekbone and slowly inching over her face until his nose brushes against hers.

“I could say the same about you.”

“You should.”

“You’re bloody enchanting, Killian,” she whispers against his lips before capturing his bottom lip between her lips and sucking on it while their entire bodies are practically connected. “But it’s late, and we need to part ways.”

“I think we break enough protocol. Why don’t we break this little rule too?”

“Because we have to get ready separately.”

He hums, still not having moved back from being pressed up against her, and someone could walk down this hallway any moment now. He doesn’t care right now. Everyone in this building knows they’ve been living together for the past year, and anyone who is offended by that can shove it.

“Okay,” he acquiesces, pulling back from her, making sure to take a step back so they’re not entirely pressed together, “okay. I will be good.”

“Promise?”

“Aye, love,” he confirms, grabbing onto her hands and holding her palms. “I promise. See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow,” she confirms, edging off of the wall and walking down the hallway back to where her mum and Ruby are undoubtedly waiting for her before stopping and beaming at him, giving him a wave. “Don’t be late.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, darling.”

#second in command #captain swan #cs fic #cs ff

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kisstheashes · 5 years

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👀👀👀 Got anything you can tell us about SP?

OH BOY! Alright. Since you didn’t ask for any particular chapter, you’re getting a SHITTON of info. *cracks knuckles* Let’s get started.

This ended up being long af so there needed to be a cut!

1) When I first had the idea for SP, I was heavily inspired not only by SAW in general but SAW II in particular. SAW II takes place in an abandoned house (SP takes place in an abandoned warehouse for the first 8 chapters), and every person had an individual trap made specifically for them (the first 8 chapters are split up by person, and Anti has unique methods for all of them).

2) SP was the first story I’ve planned out for years. And still YET, it’s not what it was supposed to be. The original ending for SP was basically…nearly everyone dies.

2.5) What almost became the real ending (not the original ending, a different idea) was something like this: Anti kills Chase and has Schneep, but that’s where the similarities end. (suicide TW ahead) Anti was supposed to take Marvin and make him a puppet. And Jackie, traumatized and desperate to find his brothers, leaves a barely functional JJ alone and without help. So JJ ends up killing himself with Chase’s old gun while Jackie is looking for Anti’s hideout. Jackie comes back and sees a dead JJ and loses it. He can’t cope. It was supposed to end with Jackie standing by JJ’s grave, feeling like an utter failure, and Anti approaches him, tells him that since there’s nothing left for him here, what’s he to lose by becoming a puppet? And Jackie goes with him. I can’t tell whether that’s more or less tragic than the real ending.

3) When I FIRST sat down to start writing the very first lines, I had no idea who my main character would be. It’s such a little moment, but I remember it so so clearly. I was sitting on the edge of my bed, just waiting to see who would wake up first (a la SAW style) and I actually recoiled when it was Marvin. I never paid him any attention before SP. And I just went “Ma…Marvin?? Are you sure brain?? MARVIN??” Yes, my brain was sure XD

4) First chapter. Everything happened as planned, which if you are a writer or know us, you know this is very rare. Everyone woke up, the narration was smooth, the characters were introduced so nicely, and their relationships with Anti were automatically all so different from each other. It went beautifully.

5) Chapter 2: Static Corruption. This chapter gave me issues. I originally wanted Anti to force Schneep to “operate” on one of his brothers, but the pieces weren’t moving in that direction. Then I was like ‘oh, I’ll still keep the operation table there because he’ll likely need it since Anti won’t want his puppets to die.’ That…was supposed to happen but didn’t. The operation table ended up being there simply to mock Schneep. I would 100% go back and redo how I did that so that would come across clearer, since I know it’s purpose was left very vague.

5.5) I am so SO proud of Schneep’s corruption. To be honest, I had no fucking idea what I was doing. I was still learning about Anti and his powers, how he does things, and honestly I should go back and reread it because it came together so well. And Schneep was the first to go because he had already been corrupted, and weakened. He was an easy target, and Anti KNEW he needed Schneep because he can’t easily heal wounds. Anti’s smart like that.

6) Chapter 3 & 4: Burn Marks. Anti had to take out Marvin early. He knew this like he knew he needed Schneep. Marvin was not only powerful but he was hard to break. He was controlled. He wasn’t easily moved to rash decisions and as long as his breathing was steady, he was in control. Hence the collar in ch 3. Anti also knew that Marvin could not use as much magic if he didn’t have his wand, hence taking it from him in the beginning of the chapter. And he knew Marvin was scared of fire.

6.5) Character analysis aside though, this chapter was my first true dive into torture. I’d never written torture before this chapter. Never. I surprised myself, honestly. When I wrote Anti sticking the raw blowtorch into the cauterized cut, I was floored. I kinda didn’t know it was happening until it did. XD And Anti forcing Marvin to eat his own flesh was…somehow logical to me? I was like ‘maybe since Anti eats flesh he thinks Marv will like it too.’ Which was wrong. He just wanted to torture my son. But these two chapters are everything to me, being my first delve into torture. Really, these chapters, and especially chapter four, started it all. I was really excited to write more gore.

7) Ch 5: Consequences. Everyone hates this chapter. When I get new readers now, about half of them who ‘like’ every single chapter will skip ‘liking’ this chapter. Because I was ballsy and killed Chase. In front of his daughter. Not only did I kill Chase, I dismembered him and had Anti eat his organs. That’s ballsy as fuck, but at the time I had no idea it was so ballsy. What I did think might be too much and what I do regret is not killing Jasmine instantly and only making that an illusion. I’ve said this before. I still hate myself for it. I should have just outright killed her. I wrote it to showcase how awful Anti is. I took it out because I ws scared. I regretted it the moment I uploaded it, and that’s when I told myself I’d never censor my writing again. So I don’t. While that’s an awful moment in the series, I did learn a very valuable lesson that I will pass onto every writer I know. When it comes to awful deeds, don’t censor yourself.

8) Ch 6: Questionably Human. First of all, this chapter wasn’t supposed to exist, point blank, period. When I originally wrote SP, this chapter wasn’t there. I added it in because as I edited through and understood Marvin more, I knew Anti would understand he couldn’t leave Marvin alone through dealing with all of the other Septics. He’s too resilient. So I added this chapter in. And it was also my first true delve into psychological toture/manipulation with Anti. Which is very interesting with my Anti, because he can’t lie. Working an entire chapter around half truths and whole truths was tricky. It was a challenge. But y’know, I think it probably helped me be able to do other tricky dialogue, like with Maze.

8.5) Because writing Schneep as a puppet deserves it’s own bullet. I had NO idea how I was going to do this. Because of how my Anti’s puppets work, I didn’t have a clue how to do this. Anti’s puppets keep their base personality so he can have them out in the world, undercover ect without anyone seeing anything weird. But they also don’t have thoughts of their own, or really wants of their own, besides very basic needs. This is a tricky combination when it comes to the stubborn, mood-swingy, irritable, mind of his own doctor. And honestly, I don’t know how I pulled it off. I can’t remember how I did this so well. It’s just a blank XD

9) Ch 7: Broken Toys. This is my personal favorite chapter. JJ’s chapter was unqiue in so many ways, because he had a legitimate past with Anti. Anti pretended to be his friend, then tortured him for days on end. So we have long flashbacks that portray this, and I was really nervous they weren’t blended well. They have a dialogue where JJ speaks only in his head, which is very unique. And in this chapter, I faced one of my squicks. I hate eye gore. Yet I braved it and took JJ’s eye out with a melonballer, then Anti ate it. That was fuckin gross, tbh. XD The ending of his chapter though. It changed 3 times. The original ending did make use of the operation table, but I hated it bc I didn’t know how to write puppet Schneep and scrapped it. I think the second ending was JJ bleeding out on the floor. The third ending is the meathook ending. Absolutely horrific ending, when you take into account 1) its fucking meathooks and 2) they had to be ripped out of healed muscle and skin. I went balls to the walls for this chapter as well, and it fucking payed off.

10) Ch 8: Glitched Death. This is the start of the chapters that are like ‘I’m writing it but idk where it’s going.’ I had no idea any of it was going to happen, but damn I’m glad all of it did. And again with the ballsy moves, disabling Jackie was ballsy as fuck. It shocked a lot of people like nothing had before. Though my most proud moment of this chapter was the fight scene. The last time I’d written a fight scene was when I was ten. I didn’t do any research or nothing. I just DID. And I remember a comment was “I didn’t know you could write fight scenes!” I didn’t either. But I remember being really happy to write Marvin as such a badass :D To show that he was ready to kill Anti no matter the cost. The worst part of the chapter was writing Jackie pulling the meathooks out. I hated that. I hated it so much. Listen, I know JJ deserved better. And how many of you caught that Anti was very weak as this chapter ended? ;)

11) Ch. 9: Irrepareable Damage. This chapter was hard to write. I hadn’t jumped time like this for a long time. The first 8 chapters all take place in one night. Ch 9 took place over a month and a half, showcasing the immediate aftermath of what happened. Chase and his daughter were dead. Jackie was wheelchair bound. JJ had limited sight and mobility. Marvin’s panic disorder grew worse, and they all had night terrors. It was endlessly emotional. And then…you get to the end. And it hits you in the fucking gut. Anti carves his name into Marvin’s skin, while essentially having him drugged. And Marvin comes to, and sees the wound, and cries. He’s reaping what he sowed and he hates every minute of it.

12) Ch 10: Torn Stitches. I still don’t care for this chapter. It feels too dull. But you guys seemed to like it, so I guess that means its good, right? This chapter was special to me though, because I’d never touched on Marvin’s backstory much. And it was important to me that you all knew it, for some reason. Plus his old friends just fit into the narrative, so I indulged myself. And that’s the other thing. First chapters with OCs. I don’t care for Silas that much, but I really like Whitney. She’s fun. This chapter was necessary as well, so you could see all of the aftermath slowed down. See how damaged they are, and see the aftermath of the carving. Which I again smack ya’ll in the face with the end.

13) As closing, this story is my baby. And i’ve got a lot more angst coming for it, even if only 2 chapters are left (supposedly). 42.5k words, 11 chapters, and we ain’t done yet. I’ve got huge plans for the next chapter, so watch out for it. ;)

Author Commentary?

#ask #anonymous #self preservation #writing stuff #jacksepticeye #it took me a whole ass hour to write this pls appreciate it

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dorkyungsoowrites · 6 years

Text

Spontaneous Attraction Ch. 21

Pairings: Kyungsoo x You

Genre: Fluff/Angst/Smut | Ambiguous AU

Warnings: None

Word Count: 5.6k

Description: Kyungsoo surprises you.

A/N: The song I was thinking of when writing near the end of this chapter was this one if you're interested. It's a really beautiful piece, but you can imagine your own favorite if you wish.

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A concert hall when there's no concerts planned is rather surreal. The large theater-like auditorium was eerily quiet, and you only turned on a few of the backstage lights so you could see. It cast long shadows through the narrow hallways, each of your footsteps echoing. You went into a green room of sorts where there was an old sofa and a storage of chairs. The tall stacks took up half the room. Not normally one to get mad or jealous left you feeling overwhelmed. You didn't have much experience dealing with it so it continued to make you itchy and restless. You paced. How can one human live with being so vile? Her only good qualities seemed to be how cute she looked and her cooking. She was a liar, and unfaithful, and manipulative, and shallow, and so plastic Barbie would gawk. Her whole attitude soured your afternoon. Just thinking about her nasally, fake sing-song voice grated your nerves. You don't think you've ever hated someone as much as you did her. She encompassed every quality you despised in a person. It was almost impressive.

The anger still tangled. Driving had helped, but thinking about it brought it all back again with a new force. You jerked down one of the stacks in the room, a dozen or so metal and plastic chairs clattering to the ground in a cacophony of screeches and bangs that hurt your ears. You can't recall ever raising your hand to anyone like that before. How could Kyungsoo ever like a monster like that? How could he have been so blind to how horrible she was? How could he not feel the urge to puke every time she crossed his mind? How could he not do anything about it but say she wasn't worth his time? Were you any better for stooping down to her level by calling her names and almost slapping her? Your lungs constricted, heart galloping to gain speed. You collapsed on to the sofa, the springs protesting, and let your tears fall hot on your face.

How could he let her touch him like that? Speak like that? Who even says shit like that like you're not even there? You allowed yourself to think about why that hurt so much. The way he looked at her was familiar to how he looked at you sometimes. Your fists curled in on themselves. At some point he had fucked her. He fucked that villain of a woman. Those same sweet, plump lips had wandered her skin. She had heard his little breathless moans and sweet whispers. She had felt his dick inside her. Before you. He had touched her in ways you didn't know; free of apprehension and caution. Not chained by his trust issues or worries. Lingering, sweeping caresses filled with undeniable affection. Ways you could only dream about. She still had her claws in him. Your chest got tighter, unable to keep your breathing even. You were having trouble keeping your thoughts rational. Didn't you matter enough to him? Weren't you enough? Your heart was compressed painfully. You couldn't stop from wondering if he had ever thought about her with you. Was he watching for warning signs that you were similar? Did he actively avoid holding you in the same way he had with her? Would you never know what it was like to be truly, deeply loved by Kyungsoo? It made you sick to think you might share any qualities with that snake. Your stomach churned, and a pit swallowed your insides. Your gut was hollow. Like someone had reached in and licked them clean. Tears rolled down your cheeks. This was fifty times worse then when Chanyeol had sex with you drunk in high school. You felt violated somehow. You were empty. Alone. An uneasiness cocooned you in your own isolated corner of the universe sat there on that old sofa in a dark concert theater.

An electronic ringing startled you. It was your phone. Correction: it was Kyungsoo trying to call your phone. You tapped the red button. You needed time to cool down. The conclusion smacked in to you like a train. This is how Chanyeol felt watching Kyungsoo be with you. Knowing you were touching Kyungsoo like you used to hold him. This is how Kyungsoo felt when Chanyeol or the others got too close. Afraid another person would know what it was like to be loved by you and siphon it away from him. To a lesser degree you imagined, but the jealousy seeped through your veins and corroded your heart like acid. Just when he was putting more faith in you you go and act like some over-reactive lunatic. You were disappointed in yourself for lashing out immaturely. You should be better than this, but when he licked his lips as she leaned closer your brain flooded with the fear that he would kiss her. Your unwavering trust in him suddenly grew a grain of doubt. If you hadn't jumped in would he have kissed her? The majority of you wanted to believe he had enough sense not to hurt you the same way he had been hurt. He wasn't a hypocrite, but there was always that nagging voice in the back of your mind. It pointed out that for the first three months you were together he had no problem lying to you about his job. It was different, but also not. The way he got trapped in a trance with her around...you couldn't say he would never hurt you with complete certainty anymore. That fact is what you resented the most out of this situation.

After a couple of hours you drove back to your apartment. You had calmed down and cleaned up the chairs then strolled around the empty building trying to clear your head. Kyungsoo had called five more times before giving up. You weren't sure what you would say to him, but you knew you were drained and wanted to sleep. It was a long fucking day.

Only when you got to your front door Kyungsoo was sitting on the floor slumped against it. He was blocking the way. When you ran off your roommate should have been there. She was gone when you returned, but that would mean he specifically denied waiting inside so you couldn't avoid him. He had been sitting there for hours. A pang of guilt hit you. When you stepped closer he looked up and sighed in relief. He pushed himself to his feet. You noticed how red and puffy his eyes were, dark circles sitting underneath from where he hadn't caught up on his sleep.

"You should be resting," you couldn't help but say. "You look exhausted. Health comes first, Soo." He side-stepped to allow you to unlock the door and followed you inside. Once he re-locked the door he realized you were already halfway across the room. He hurridly threw off his shoes and ran after you, catching your shoulder before you could leave the living area. He didn't try to turn you around, voice small and afraid.

"Please don't leave." When you didn't move he continued. "You have every right to be upset with me. I don't know what came over me. I couldn't move. Please believe me." His voice cracked on the last words and you swallowed the sudden lump in your throat. His second hand rested on your other shoulder and stepped closer. You felt the heat radiating off his body. Kyungsoo dropped his forehead next to his left hand. His tone lowered to a whisper to hide his straining voice. "She means nothing to me. I can't lose you. I'm so sorry. I never...I swear--"

"It's not like I'm in the clear either," you replied solemnly. "I shouldn't have blown up like that. When she touched you and talked to you like that...I just got so jealous."

"No, no," Kyungsoo consoled instantly. His hands massaged slowly over your shoulders down your arms while he spoke. "I've never seen anyone stand up to her like that before. I couldn't believe it. It was amazing."

"Amazing?" you repeated gently. "I almost hit someone, Soo. I've never been that angry before. I hated it." He placed a lazy kiss to the side of your throat. Flashes of him kissing her came behind your eyelids. The same lips her fingers had grazed hours before. The same pair he parted for those fingers. You resisted recoiling from the touch. It didn't work. You didn't dare look back in fear of his reaction.

"You were defending me. Protecting me. I was in awe, jagiya." His fingers slipped to your waist. "That's all you've ever done, isn't it? You've given so much of yourself and your time to take care of me. You're far more generous than I deserve. I don't know what I'd be like if I never met you. I don't think I'd like that Kyungsoo. You've done so much for me. I owe you everything." His shoulders shook once, choking back a sob. Remorse covered his next words. It steadied the frantic swirling of emotions that had built up in your chest so you could sort them out. It meant you could help, and that's something you enjoyed. Helping others be happy. "I'm a terrible boyfriend. I should be stronger for you. I shouldn't have to rely on you for everything."

"You know, I kinda like taking care of you," you reminded him gently. "I really haven't done all that much. You're the one who's stayed strong. I like it when you can rely on me for a few things." His lips returned to your neck, mouthing against the sensitive skin. You tensed, but didn't flinch away that time.

"Stop. You're comforting me again and that's not the point."

"What do you want me to say? I don't understand why you're upset with yourself."

"Because it's you," he answered. It was like he was pleading with you. He needed you to understand. Acting like he was more worried of your reaction than the actual issue. Didn't he know you weren't going to yell or send him away? You blamed the snake for this. She had severely messed with his head. Kyungsoo should realize you were more empathetic and less petty than that. "It's you and you're wonderful and I just sat there. I can't even listen to myself. How am I supposed to expect you to not get too close with the other members if I can't even tell one woman to stop? I might as well have fucked her on the table." Something wet splattered on your skin. It trickled down and soaked in to the collar of your shirt. "I've tried for so long, but I'm never going to deserve you. Oh god, and now you're going to leave because I was an idiot." You whirled around to face him at that. Your arms embraced him. He hid his face in the crook of your neck, hands on your back.

"That was the stupidest thing I've heard you say. I'm not leaving, Kyungsoo," you told him in a low soothing voice. "Don't you ever think that." You weaved a hand through his short hair. His heat and firmness combined as he leaned against you and you felt his small puffs of air at your ear, sending goosebumps all over your skin. He touched every surface of your body he could in the position. You shoved down the image of him holding the other woman like this. He was trembling.

"I'm sorry," he repeated guiltily. "I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you."

"Calm down, sweetheart," you cooed lovingly. More wetness hit your skin. You started lowering, legs tired and unwilling to move. He followed you to the ground, sitting on your haunches. Kyungsoo let himself collapse into you, limp in your arms. A sob cracked his voice, sniffling. You carded your fingers through his hair, other hand running up and down his back. "I'm right here, Kyungsoo. I'm not letting go."

"Why not?" he rasped defeatedly.

"Because I love you," you replied without thinking. Any other time he would have grinned and said it back. That time he only cried harder, air escaping him unevenly and being gasped back in in tiny hiccups.

"You should be furious. Why aren't you mad?"

"I am upset, but I can't change that right now. I know I need a few days to calm down. You do, too. You're exhausted."

"Not for you," he argued stubbornly. "Let me make it up to you. Let me take care of you."

"Kyungsoo--" your voice snagged in your throat as his lips met your neck. They pressed softly to your flesh, peppering affections up the line of your jaw. When they reached the joint by your ear they became more urgent, trailing back down.

"Let me make you feel good," he whispered hotly, the words spilling from him in a rush to speak in between kisses. "Let me make you cum in the way only I can." You bit your tongue to prevent any noise from escaping. The tip of his tongue darted out to taste your skin. You knew he must have caught his tears in the process. You jerked away and immediately regretted it. Your eyes met his. They were bloodshot and dewy. The dark circles underneath puffed out with his cheeks that were blotchy and red. A single new streak stained his face from the center of his right eye where a salty droplet had collected on his lower lashes, and something inside of his dark brown irises fractured. He was pouting. Bottom lip jutting out past the upper, and your chest ached. You spoke slowly, absorbed in his eyes. Torn between comforting Kyungsoo and protecting yourself.

"Don't...look at me like that." He sucked in his plump lower lip to nibble at in an attempt to hide the emotions oozing through in physical form. You thumbed at his cheek to wipe away the wetness there. His gaze danced around your features before drifting to your own lips longingly and darting up again like he was afraid of getting caught.

"Like what?" His speech was just as drawled out.

"Like I'm breaking your heart."

"Then let me feel you." It wasn't right. Both of your mindsets were all wrong. Without replying you rose to your feet. He remained stunned on the floor. You walked to the kitchen and poured a few sips of whiskey in a glass then returned to him. When you kneeled he swiped at his eyes and choked back a sob. It didn't work well. His small gasp was sharp and loud in the quietness of the apartment. You took up his hand and urged his fingers to grasp the cup. He threw the liquor back, glass thudding on the hardwood afterward. Another sharp, choking gasp. More tears fell. He was panicking, his whole body quaking as it became more difficult for him to breathe. He hunched over, legs falling out beside him, forearms on the floor, hiding his face in the space between. Calmly, you brought a big, fluffy blanket back to where he lay huddled in on himself. Panic attacks you knew how to handle. His wasn't full blown yet, but you saw the harsh breathing and scared look on his face. Everything had become too much for him to conceal behind his stoic features. It didn't surprise you that with his stressful job something like this could happen. He was mentally and physically drained from touring and running into his abusive ex that afternoon. He had pushed himself too hard. Put too many expectations on himself. On you. You weren't perfect, and you weren't going to instantly forgive every transgression of his towards you, but you weren't going to close him out either. You didn't always know what to do and say despite what he thought.

Draping the blanket over his small frame did nothing. He needed something to ground him to reality. You hugged his middle awkwardly from the side, resting your head on his back. The touch made him flinch at first, but when he realized your intention he curled up tighter. His shaking hands pulled the blanket around his face, his sharp gasps elongating, attempting to control his breathing.

"It's okay," you said quietly. "Just breathe. I'm here, Kyungsoo. Listen to me. Nothing bad is going to happen. Don't force yourself. It's okay to cry. I won't leave you. You're not alone through this. Just breathe." You huffed as his arms came around you suddenly, pulling you to your side. He hugged your waist, face hidden under your chin, fingers digging into your back, grappling to you like a life buoy. You embraced him while he sobbed and shook in your arms.

This was the only way he'd ever hold you.

Desperation.

Desperate to feel your contact, desperate to claim you, desperate to keep you. Was that what you had become? Not just a support, but the cure-all to his hurts? The bandage? The balm? You promised to help him trust again and be by his side. But...somewhere along the way did you cease to exist without his name following you? Y/N and Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo and Y/N. Kyungsoo brought his girlfriend today. Kyungsoo's girlfriend invited us all over for dinner. Kyungsoo gets anxious when you touch his girl. They're attached at the hip. Kyungsoo's moving in with her soon.

You had been steadily stripped down. You were his. Not just in heart; in name and soul. In your quest to make his heart more accepting you had isolated yourself. You had let his unhealthy habits creep up on you and take over. You were too soft. Gave in to his indulgences too readily. Kyungsoo made you weak. You couldn't resist him at all.

After near an hour passed Kyungsoo evened out his breathing, but didn't let up his hold. He let you raise his head to look at you. You wiped his face and nose with the blanket.

"There. Now will you come sleep?" He nodded silently. Kyungsoo leaned forward to kiss you, but you turned away. He frowned and croaked out,

"Why won't you let me touch you?" You blushed, ashamed by the answer, and tried to move. He pulled you down and held you still. "Why?" You shoved on his chest. It was hard to think with his big, round, sad eyes that close. You leaned on your elbow, staring at the floor.

"Because," you muttered bitterly. "What's the point?"

"What's the point?" he scoffed in disbelief. "Comfort? Relief? Pleasure? Love?"

"What love?" The words slipped before you could stop them. His eyes widened. You both sat up. More word vomit left your mouth without thinking. "You just fuck me because you're possessive. I'm sure little miss perfect chef got all your real love. You've never just touched me."

"What do you mean?" You sighed.

"It won't ever be enough, will it?"

"I don't understand, jagi. Of course I love you."

"I know you do, but how else do I know except from your word alone? What parts of you did she get that I'm not? How much more did you touch her and mean it? It feels like she got the real Kyungsoo and I'm only getting the pieces she left behind. She was so fucking amused I was picking up her leftovers. That sounds so selfish and stupid out loud, but how else am I supposed to think when the only times you fuck me are when you need me for something? Comfort or someone to claim as yours. Why can't I be enough for you as I am? Why do I have to wait for you to be hurting?" Your voice cracked on the last sentence. "I don't understand why you can't just love me with your whole heart. It hurts, Kyungsoo. It hurts knowing the person you love with every fiber of your being doesn't trust you and return that feeling."

"You think I don't?" he exhaled pitifully. His eyebrows came together and rose up. Lost and pained. "Y/N. Jagiya..." He wiped his eyes clear of any lingering tears. "Is that why you were so upset?"

"Partially."

"I never--" He paused and started over, trying to find the right words. You continued staring at the floor. "We were only together once, and I didn't enjoy it. Not like I love being with you. You showed me how amazing it could feel to be with someone because you care about them. I was an awkward mess around her. It wasn't me. It's so easy for me to be myself with you." Your gaze lifted.

"Really?"

"Really really." The corner of your mouth ticked upward. Kyungsoo stroked your cheek, fingers tangling in your hair. "She didn't even care to get to know me, but you know me better than anyone. I promise I love you wholeheartedly. I do trust you. You have me; all of me. Not pieces or leftovers. She didn't know what the fuck she was talking about."

"Why don't you act like it?"

"Because I'm an idiot," he chuckled. You scoffed, but an amused smirk pulled on your lips. You really were weak around him. "Are you still mad?"

"A little." He frowned.

"Why?"

"I don't believe you."

"I don't understand."

"It doesn't feel like I know you. I'm constantly guessing. I've never been able to understand you."

"Oh...really?" He blinked at you innocently. "I've always thought it was amazing how intuitive you are." You huffed out a weak laugh.

"Then you must not know me either." Kyungsoo made a pensive expression then stood. You watched, unsure, as he bent down and held out his hands. After hesitating a moment you took them and he pulled you to your feet. You followed silently as he walked through your apartment to the living room. He tossed the blanket you gave him over the sofa. You tilted your head in questioning. He pushed the coffee table aside then took out his phone. He set it on the sofa and faced you, bowing at the waist as the music started. A waltz. The strings established the rhythm, plucking lightly. They were joined by a clarinet then a saxophone who began the melody. Kyungsoo outstretched a hand with a hopeful half smile.

"Dance with me?" You stood shocked. He closed the distance and wrapped his fingers around yours with one hand. They still trembled slightly. He guided the other to his shoulder before resting his on your waist. You gaped.

"Y-you dance? Like, ballroom?"

"I learned," he answered. Before you could say anything the rest of the orchestra came through the speaker on his phone, all joining the melody, and he pulled you in to step with him. It was more of a small shuffle in the tiny space, but it was dancing. You kept up after shaking off the shock, avoiding his feet. "I saw you dancing in the kitchen a few times when you thought I was in the bathroom," he explained. "So I asked your roommate and she said you liked old fairytale tropes more than you'd admit. Told me you always secretly dreamed of dancing spontaneously with your significant other. I've been listening to classical music and decided to watch a few videos on waltzing. I was going to surprise you when we moved in to our new apartment." It was hard to take in. Not only had Kyungsoo been studying the music you loved to play, but he learned to dance to some of that music. It was extremely touching. No one had ever tried to get in to classical music for your sake. They brushed it off as boring or didn't want to take the time. Playing music in an orchestral setting was the thing you loved doing more than anything else in the world, and he took the time to understand that. To immerse himself in it. He listened and took it to heart. He knew you better than you'd thought.

"Kyungsoo..." you breathed. He blushed under your stare, losing some of his nerve.

"Am I not turning enough? Did I pick a bad song?"

"I had no idea you were listening to this music for me."

"Of course. You listen to mine."

"But dancing too?" He chortled and shook his head in mock disappointment.

"Unbelievable. Your eyes are all sparkly like stars. How did I fall for such a dork?" The key changed in the song, more violins joining. You held his hand tighter. He smiled warmly, face inches from yours. And he had insisted in the past he wasn't one for grand romantic gestures. Liar. A smirk pulled on your lips.

"I seem to recall it was because you got shitfaced drunk and had to be taken care of like a lost puppy."

"Low blow."

"A cute, small puppy." He scowled, a playful glint in the twitch of his lips.

"You're gonna take that back." The strings did a flourish as the music crescendoed and changed back to the original key. Kyungsoo stepped quickly and spun you out from his body, still keeping hold of one hand. You were standing beside him. Then on the next count he tugged you to reverse the spin. You collided ungracefully with his chest. Kyungsoo held you close as you continued waltzing in your living room. He was grinning. You wavered a moment at the blinding quality. His eyes weren't bloodshot anymore. He was genuinely happy. You felt your heart skip. "Still think I'm cute?" You couldn't answer. The words wouldn't form. You were struck speechless. Kyungsoo slid his hand to the small of your back and mumbled, "such a dork." It was almost as if your fight hadn't occurred. Almost.

The dance went on. One two turn, one two turn, one two turn. Right back left, right back left, right back left, all in a circle. It wasn't your rug anymore. You were twirling on a cloud. And he was the gentleman to sweep you off your feet. It was something you'd only dreamed about. There was a magical quality to being able to dance with someone else. Normally you spun around a ghost in the kitchen while cooking or cleaning. An invisible partner was nothing compared to this. Your daydreams weren't perfect, but this was. Your feet naturally followed beside his. His palm in yours grew clammy. The second your other hand slipped from his shoulder to his chest you could feel his heartbeat. It fluttered under your fingertips. This was real. His love for you was real. You felt like such an ass for doubting him.

"You've done a lot for me too you know," you pointed out meekly. He looked at you pointedly, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah?"

"Well first, you did all this for me."

"You like the dancing?"

"I like that you tried to take interest in my passions. Let's not even count the number of times you've helped me get better at cooking or just did it for me. You also support my work. I can't even begin to find the words to show my appreciation for that encouragement. I can tell you've changed since I met you. Maybe that's just you opening up more, but I think you worked really hard to forget about the bad habits your ex instilled in you. Seeing her today couldn't have been easy. Especially with me there making a mess of things." The tempo slowed. Kyungsoo focused on you with a ferocity only he could accomplish while simultaneously looking relaxed. It was always an experience being under his scrutiny. It astounded you how completely he could narrow in on one goal and stay on it. It showed in his work every day. He made you feel like you were the only existing thing. Like your little universe was only populated by you two. That only you mattered. It was thrilling and terrifying, and filled your chest with warmth. It was safe locked in his gaze. Comforting.

"You don't need to apologize. I wouldn't have been able to get through that if you weren't there for me."

"Shut up a minute I'm trying to be corny." He chuckled at your outburst. "You're warm and kind, and thoughtful. Smart and talented. Maybe a little too practical sometimes, and you're grumpy when you're bored."

"I thought you were going to compliment me."

"But I love you," you finished. "I'll always love you. I can't imagine a future without you there. I'm sorry for getting jealous and doubting your feelings. It was stupid. I'm happiest with you. You're safe."

"That sounds awfully close to boring."

"Not at all. I just mean you make me feel at home." You sighed and jokingly added, "It's like lately we've switched places. I'm being insecure and you're taking chances." The tempo was gradually increasing again as the strings kept the counter-melody lighter with short notes.

"So my dancing is charming enough to get you to forgive me?"

"Yeah. Sure. I'll still need a few days to cool down though." The lower brass entered bombastically, and Kyungsoo did one sharper turn to catch you off guard, making you gasp. He grinned and laughed at your reaction.

"Is this the first time you've danced with anyone?"

"Of course. It's not exactly commonplace."

"Well remind me to do it more often," he declared. "Your face is priceless." Your cheeks flamed up. The entire orchestra came back in in a different key, loud and magnificent. It swept you up with a feeling of nostalgia and romance. You wished you could remain in his arms all night like this. The song was coming to a close. A solo violin took over the last few bars. "Do you still want to move in with me?"

"Absolutely," you answered without hesitating. Kyungsoo slowed your steps gradually until you were standing still, eyes fixed on you. He looked enchanted. Your mind jumped back to the restaurant one last time. The way he was trapped under her in a trance...wasn't the same. He had been rigid and almost frightened. Here with you it was different. Almost like he wanted to be drowned by you. He welcomed your call to come closer. He yearned for the emotions to swallow him up. You couldn't quite place your finger on it, but it was more transparent than before. He leaned closer, letting your hand go so he could cup your face. There were no masks or illusions or fancy words. Kyungsoo was open; drawing you in through his heady gaze.

The violin cried through a long fermata. Then he kissed you. Just a whispered touch. The first in an ever deepening pool that would threaten to consume you. He kept coming back for more, plush lips pressing languid, lingering touches to yours. His breath fanned across your face. His tongue teased your lower lip, and you opened to him. The hand on your back urged you forward, molding his body to yours while his other threaded fingers in your hair. You ran your palms over the plane of his chest, feeling the muscles tense and jump at the simplest brush of skin. Your fingers linked around the back of his neck. Little sighs and breathless moans like fading sunlight poured into your mouth. His desperation melded with yours and grew with every gentle caress. He splayed his hands on your back, cradling you as if he had been practicing exactly how to in his head all night. He pressed more firmly against you. His lips brushed against yours more incessantly. If there was a time you could pinpoint where you forgot about everything and gave in, that was it.

The desire to direct how the night would end dissipated. You didn't care. Kyungsoo could have kissed that monster of a woman in the restaurant and you'd still love him. He was it. You knew it deep down in your bones. You may not believe in soulmates, and it's true no one is perfect, but Kyungsoo was perfect for you. There was no one else you'd rather spend your time with. You'd be his forever if he asked.

Kyungsoo stepped forward. You stumbled backward with him. He continued with this until the backs of your knees hit your bed. He gingerly lowered you to the mattress, refusing to disconnect your mouths. Body pressed tightly to yours, you ran out of air. You gasped for breath. His lips traveled to your ear.

"I love you," he mumbled sweetly. You shivered visibly. "Completely and always." He rolled so you were laying on his chest. Your legs intertwined with his, arms wrapping around you securely.

"I love you, too Kyungsoo. Always." He sighed contentedly and you rested your head on his shoulder. One of his hands slid up the card through your hair. Then a low vibration hit your ears. His chest rumbled. He was humming. The notes drifted around the small bedroom like a lullaby. The waltz. It was relaxing and his voice soothed all the heartache. Smooth and rich. Like a colorful ribbon dancing around and gently touching each note. You loved his voice. Always overflowing with emotion. It never failed to lighten your mood when the world around weighed on you. Naturally, you joined. The harmonization was one you never tried before. You weren't trained like he was. But you had the ear for music, and it was hard to mess up humming. Kyungsoo smiled kindly, surprised by hearing your voice. He kept playing with your hair, sending shivers down your spine. Before you realized it you were drifting off to sleep.

#exo #exo fanfiction #exo scenario #exo scenarios #exo fluff #exo angst #kyungsoo #kyungsoo x reader #kyungsoo fluff #do kyungsoo #kyungsoo fanfiction #d.o #angst #fluff

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darkmystress00 · 6 years

Text

In Living Color - Ch 12

A/N: Trigger warning...character death. Not directly mentioned, but alluded to.

Pairing: Bethyl

Catch up: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 | Ch 9 | Ch 10 | Ch 11 | Ch 12

or read on AO3 or FFN

“What do you mean I need to hang back and protect home base?” Beth screeched from the middle of the corridor of their cell block.

“You gotta stay here and protect this area. If something happens and walkers get back here, we’re counting on you to keep Lori and Carl safe.” Maggie reasoned. Beth was seeing red (metaphorically).

“That’s just bullshit.” She spat.

“Language Beth!” Maggie scolded.

“You want me to stay back here because you know no walkers will get this far back. You don’t think I can handle it.” Maggie crossed her arms in front of her and gave Beth a stern look.

“I want you safe. That’s all.” Maggie looked at the very pregnant Lori sitting on the steps at the end of the cell block. “Between the three of you, you are the most capable. If something does get back here...we need someone besides Lori and Carl to protect this area.”

“But…” Beth’s eyes jumped to the haggard group behind her sister and she tried to make eye contact with someone, but so far everyone was steadfastly refusing. “Daddy, please…” She moved around Maggie. “I can help. I can do this.”

“Bethy, sweetheart. Look at Lori,” he replied beseechingly, “eight months pregnant, almost full term, and if something gets back here she’s got to rely on her son to protect her. It’s a rock and a hard place of a situation…”

“I can do this.” Beth reaffirmed.

“Beth, do not make me lock you inside a cell. This is a prison, and I can do it.” Maggie growled behind her. Beth rounded on her ready to lay into her when she felt two hands settle on her shoulders. Beth turned again, her eyes landing on the grimey faded brown shirt of Rick’s sheriff uniform.

“Beth…” He started, his green eyes boring into hers. “I need you. I need you to protect my wife and unborn child. I need you to protect my son. I need you to do this for me. I won’t be able to go out there and do what I need to do safely if I’m worrying about them back here. Please, can you do this for me?” She wanted to argue, but knew, as she felt her stomach drop, that she couldn’t do it.

“I...I need a weapon at least.” She offered weakly. She was startled when Daryl walked up and handed her a knife in its sheath.

“Keep this.” He mumbled as she clasped the knife in her hands. She tucked it into the waistband of her pants and watched silently as the rest of the group turned and walked out. She huffed a sigh and moved to sit next to Lori on the stairs. Lori watched her with careful eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Lori said softly.

“It’s not-”

“I know. I also know you feel like you gotta prove yourself, and no one gives you the chance.” She smiled sadly. “It’s a special kind of helpless when no one will look at you twice.” Beth remained silent, listening. “I know it seems hopeless, like it’ll never come, but you will get your chance to prove yourself. Maybe not to everyone, but you’ll show them you are tough and can do what needs to be done.” Beth smiled softly and glanced up to Lori.

“Maybe.” She started but froze when Lori let out a gasp. Lori grabbed Beth’s hand and placed it to her swollen belly. Beth marveled at the rolling and movement coming from underneath. “It still amazes me, every time.” She sighed a little. “I can’t wait to meet this little one.”

“Won’t be long.” Lori said absently. “The more active he gets the more convinced I am he’s going to come early.”

“He?”

“Carl was just as active.” She supplied. “Of course I’m only guessing. Won’t really know until they come out.” Beth giggled and nodded before drawing her hand back into her lap.

“How was your first birth?” Beth asked.

“It was tough. I couldn’t deliver naturally. I started hemorrhaging and they had to rush me into emergency surgery. Carl was born twenty minutes later.” She smiled, “He was healthy and happy. That was all I could have asked for.”

Beth sat troubled. Lori had a difficult birth the first time. If she went into labor they’d need her daddy to help with a second c-section. Beth would be completely unprepared and might lose not just the baby, but Lori as well. She sent up a silent prayer asking for Lori to wait until the group came back. It was her best chance.

~~~

Daryl gripped the edge of the crossbow as he walked through the quiet corridor. They weren’t to the dangerous section yet, but it never hurt to be too careful. His eyes scanned over their little group. Hershel, Rick, Maggie, Glenn, Carol and him. Everyone had been decided to go. Everyone except Beth that was. She’d been forced to stay behind and guard Lori.

Daryl still marveled at the anger she’d been filled with when Maggie had told her she had to stay behind. No one had been able to calm her, except for Rick. Rick had been able to move in their and smooth talk the situation like she wasn’t being targeted for being one of the weakest links in their group. No one said it (well, Maggie said it all the damn time but for some reason she didn’t count) but everyone knew that Beth was in a dire need of training but would most likely hurt herself before learning anything.

Daryl tended to disagree. He knew she could learn, but he’d be damned if he’d be the one to sully her light with the training and danger of it all. She didn’t need all that on her. So, Daryl had stood by, silent, while she’d begged, and pleaded, and begged some more to be trained. Daryl had stood by silent as she’d thundered and raged (you couldn’t really call it that, to be honest) every time someone went out to clear the perimeter and told her not to leave her cell. He’d stood by silently as it seemed like her little spirit was being broken and she was accepting her fate. It ate at him, chewed him raw, to see, and he couldn’t stomach when they’d all stood there and she’d seemed so desperate to prove herself and protect Lori (after she’d accepted the fact that she was going to be left behind regardless of if she wanted to or not.) She was right. She needed a weapon if she was going to be successful at all in her ‘mission.’ He’d gotten some of the darkest glares from Maggie when he’d pressed that knife into Beth’s hands, but he hadn’t cared.

It was a funny thing; to understand why your soulmate was a certain way, but to disagree with it. It was just his luck to spend so much damn time around his soulmate only to watch her spend more time with someone else (she and Glenn were getting awfully close). It was just his luck to spend so much time around his soulmate only to find he really disagreed with a lot of what she did or thought. Hell, he was a Dixon afterall. Honestly, it was just Dixon luck for all of that.

Knowing Dixon luck, his colors would arrive and he wouldn’t really have a soulmate at all. The longer he spent around their little farm family additions, that was exactly what he thought was going on. Had to be. His Dixon luck had caused him to be broken; with colors and without a soulmate to share them with. It was a special kind of hell. All the colors that your mind can’t even imagine and no one to talk about or understand them with. The only positive was now he didn’t have to worry about keeping anyone alive because of sentimental reasons. He didn’t have to get attached.

He could focus on keeping everyone alive, no matter how angry they were at getting left behind.

“Alright,” Rick said softly, trying to keep his voice down. Just beyond the barred door in front of them was the hall to the kitchens. They needed to be tactical about this. Nice and quiet until they were in position. “I’m gonna unbar the door, and fire off a round. That’ll draw them over this way, but they’ll be funneled through this door. Hopefully we can take the majority of them out in smaller numbers before we have to move past this point to the kitchens.” His eyes scanned their group. “Any questions?” Daryl gripped his crossbow and shook his head in the negative. Rick gave a nod. “Alright, everyone take your positions.”

~~~

Beth was sitting in her cell writing in her little notebook when she heard Lori begin pacing the cellblock. She closed her notebook and stood to lean against her open door and watch. “You gettin’ restless?” She asked and watched Lori stroke her belly as she moved.

“Yeah...must be it.” Lori agreed distractedly. Beth frowned.

“You alright?” She walked to Lori’s side as Lori gripped the hand railing and began breathing.

“Yeah. Just weak...think I need to eat something…” Beth could tell she was lying.

“Lori…” Lori’s eyes landed on Beth and the fear was palpable.

“Beth…” She breathed, “I think the baby is coming.”

~~~

Daryl wiped the grime from his hands. Killing the walkers as they’d funneled through the door had been a good idea, but difficult to execute. Getting into the kitchen had been even harder, but they’d managed. There was a stock of cans they could use to help tide everyone over until their garden was up and functioning. He pulled the backpack and bag from around his neck and flung them over to Maggie as she started shoving the cans in. “Looks like we got some peaches, corn, beans, cans of chicken, and a large bag of rice down here.” Maggie said as she shoved things into the bag. “We won’t be able to take it all right now. We’ll have to come back in a few trips to get everything. Trying to secure this section would mean cleaning another cell block. Right now, it just ain’t worth it.” They all nodded.

“We can plan another smaller run after we get back. Just grab what you can carry and we’ll make our way back.” Rick supplied as she stuffed another bag full of cans. Daryl gave a grunt as he kept an eye out down the hallway for more walkers coming. So far, so clear.

“That’s all I can carry,” Glenn offered. Maggie made an agreeing noise. Grunts were heard through area before Rick made the signal for everyone to head back. Daryl tried his best to bar the door once everyone was out so that no walkers would get in, but there wasn’t much he could do to really secure the room.

He barred the door once everyone back through the safe zone and continued down the hallway back towards their cell block. When everyone entered it was deathly quiet, with an air that put everyone on edge.

“Beth? Lori?” Rick called out as he walked to the center of the cell block.

“Dad!” Carl cried out from inside his locked cell. Rick rushed over. “It’s mom...the baby is coming.” Rick’s eyes widened and he stood rushing to the end of cell block but stopped halfway down the hall and froze. He heard footsteps behind him but just watched.

The fear in Rick’s voice pushed Daryl into action, moving before he knew what was happening. He froze next to Rick as the sound hit his ears before the picture met his eyes.

Beth stumbled down the hallway, tears blurring her eyes as she walked. She cradled a bloodied sweatshirt to her, not caring of the blood spattered across her front and dripping down her arms. Her eyes landed on everyone’s faces as she rounded the corner and she froze just staring at everyone. A choked sob escaped her throat before she collapsed to her knees, clutching the bundle closer to her as it started wailing.

Her blue eyes darted up as she heard someone step close to her and she locked eyes with Daryl. It was half a breathe that she could hold his gaze before she broke and the baby’s wails were joined by her own.

Taglist: @imamotherfuckingstar-lord @fangirl1802 @blueicevalkyrie @deathtonormalcy56 @walkerfairytales @redrosalie1

If you would like to be added to my taglist please let me know in a message. I would be glad to add you!

#bethyl #bethyl ff #bethylff #bethyl fic #bethylfic #bethyl fiction #bethylfiction #bethyl fanfiction #bethylfanfiction #ILC #darkmystress00

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enaasteria · 7 years

Text

Answered Asks // 2

Under the cut~~~

Anonymous said to enaasteria: April 15th 2017, 9:14:00 pm · 6 months ago Ok, don't answer to this because I will not see it anyway. I was @jamlesspyo and I say was because when you'll see this my blog will already be deleted, personnal reasons. So I want to tell that you are one of the most amazing writer I had the chance to read a story of. You are also the sweetest person so thank you so much. I hope that one you will have enough confidence in yourself because you deserve it so much. Love you and stay healthy

I will answer this bc you might come back and I’ll def miss you. Thank you for all your warm encouragement and help throughout my struggles and I couldn’t have asked for a better reader/friend. Miss you and wishing you all the best!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: April 20th 2017, 10:59:00 pm · 6 months ago you might not read this for awhile and when you do you don't have to reply, but i just wanted to tell you that all of your writing here is beautiful and amazing! finishing your story is so worth waiting for and i can't wait to read the ending! thank you for sharing your writing!

You might not think this after you read chapter 16. It’s a kind of flargh chapter but needed to be in there so T_____T I’m kinda nervous about it but hopes everyone enjoys and feel it was worth the wait.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: April 23rd 2017, 1:14:00 am · 5 months ago Freaking heck, you are an amazing and professional writer!!! I'm reading through Apartment 5108 now and I can't think of words even close to satisfactory enough to compliment your writing!! All the best for your writing and future endeavours! :)

Ahhhhhh you are too kind to me. Thank you so much for reading and no worries. please don’t stress over what to write or compliments because I enjoy any kind of feedback tbh. Spazz messages are the best!

@sassyunicorns2 said to enaasteria: May 11th 2017, 8:31:00 am · 5 months ago I won't lose hope! I know you can do it, because you are an amazing writter and you always have great ideas!!! I am here in the other part of the world cheering for you! 🙌 FIGHTING!! 💪👊 P.S.: I'm sorry for the errors.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you so much for your continued support. It means so much to me and I’m so glad you love this story!

@whosexo said to enaasteria: May 11th 2017, 3:57:00 pm · 5 months ago SEND 💖 THIS 💖 TO 💖 THE 💖 FIFTEEN 💖 NICEST 💖 PEOPLE 💖 ON 💖 TUMBLR 💖 IF 💖 YOU 💖 GET 💖 5 💖 BACK 💖 YOU 💖 MUST 💖 BE 💖 PERFECT 💖 Miss you hope you're doing amazing!!

No words can amount to how much i love you too! I apologize for my year long disappearance. I’m a terrible person. UGH. But I shall blame it on work and daily stress. T___T Hope you are well too, love!

@dream-exo-fantasy said to enaasteria: May 11th 2017, 3:58:00 pm · 5 months ago SEND 💖 THIS 💖 TO 💖 THE 💖 FIFTEEN 💖 NICEST 💖 PEOPLE 💖 ON 💖 TUMBLR 💖 IF 💖 YOU 💖 GET 💖 5 💖 BACK 💖 YOU 💖 MUST 💖 BE 💖 PERFECT 💖 (A side message: I hope you're not stressing too much about writing. Take your time and stay healthy 💕)

You are the sweetest and thank you so much. 2017 was unfortunately the most stress filled year i’ve ever experienced but hopefully the latter end will treat us all better, yeah? T.T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: May 12th 2017, 1:46:00 am · 5 months ago wah yay! okay take your time! i (and many others) can't wait to see your masterpiece! 💕

Love you!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: May 20th 2017, 12:32:00 am · 5 months ago So I was wondering did ahri told sehun about what happened to her while sehun went after jiyul like she drank the juice and was taken to hospital or did sehun already knew or anyone told him bc I think you didn't mention that?..

Soi definitely told him---actually her wrath probably yelled at him and was infuriated with his poor actions. he probably got scolded by everyone tbh.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: May 29th 2017, 6:07:00 pm · 4 months ago Youre probably busy with apartment 5108 but i really hope you do come back to keepers! Chapter 1 left me on edge and im still eagerly waiting for the next part!! Much love sent your way❤️❤️❤️

I CANT WAIT FOR KEEPERS. I want to write it two ways but I might just do two endings bc I’m a sap and a total angst fest lol

Anonymous said to enaasteria: June 5th 2017, 8:41:00 pm · 4 months ago enaaaaaaa i miss yoooooouuuuuuuuu ):<

I MISS YOU TOOOOOOOOOOOO

@unsungthoughts said to enaasteria: June 5th 2017, 9:19:00 pm · 4 months ago Apartment 5108. I'm beyond in love w this story! I was so into the story to the point where I could literally feel everything, the emotion esp. It is truly an amazing piece of writing. I'm new here (since yesterday and just finished 5min ago) --cont.cont.-- and yet to explore ur other stories, which I will definitely do cz I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH 💕

You make me blush! I’m so happy you enjoyed this story and I’m glad it made you feel things. I hope 16 treats you well and that you’re having a great time on tumblr! welcome, welcome. AND I LOVE YOU TOO

Anonymous said to enaasteria: June 15th 2017, 11:47:00 pm · 4 months ago power through love! you got this! 👏🏽👏🏽

I was jamming to POWER as I wrote this chapter. Lord knows I needed the help. orz

Anonymous said to enaasteria: June 23rd 2017, 2:25:00 pm · 3 months ago this is kinda random but Charlie puth's Attention reminds me of Red 😅

Imma go listen to this and add it to the playlist! TY ANON!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: June 24th 2017, 11:31:00 pm · 3 months ago ena, i just wish you can fathom 1/16 of the greatness you've omitted onto the exo fandom. you're writing is absolute perfection. fandom writers are just not appreciated enough! you're art is just as important than the art exo creates. you are able to create a story and a character. just think about that. a person and their life. real or not, you've created a character all of us can relate to in one way or another. i hope you keep finding joy in what you do and never lose this passion. 🌺

I remember reading this message 3 months ago and it made me want to cry. Thank you so much for your kind words and thank you for appreciating fanfiction as an art form. I think this writing is such a lost art and people don’t appreciate the time and effort going into a story. But reading this made it so worth it and thank you so much for your kindness!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 7th 2017, 7:22:00 am · 3 months ago Omg i just followed you now bcs of apartment 5108 and others too. Geez why i havent discovered you then?! Seriously for me its really hard to find fanfic that matches with my reading style gosh its pretty damn well written and you succesfully made me feel like im the character. You mess my feeling hun'. You did it. Seriously youre one of the best writer i ever known in tumblr. Im looking forward to ch 16 and others too. I hope u doing well!!!! Lots of love from your lovely reader💛

Thank you so much for your kind words! It’s such a huge compliment to see you hold my writing to such a high regard and I hope this next chapter doesn’t disappoint. I’m so glad you like it and please let me know what you think of the rest of the chaps!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 7th 2017, 12:45:00 pm · 3 months ago I've been following you for about a year now and DAMN HOW I LOVE YOU. Its been a year since you last updated Apartment 5108 but you still log in to check on your fans. Writers block is an ass but all you need is some inspiration and then you'll be firing away with the Seahri feels. or Ahrun feels. However you decide to ship them. Also Chanyeol is my fav and the fic you wrote called Two killsss meee. THANK YOU! Also, I'm Egyptian. Pretty cool knowing you have international readers eh?

I’m so sorry you’ve had to wait so long for a chapter!!! It’s so amazing how there are international people reading this and I can’t thank you enough for your kindness and also for sending me this comment but ALSO SEAHRI. LIKE THIS KILLS ME AND ITS SO CUTE AND ADORABLE.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 7th 2017, 1:56:00 pm · 3 months ago Hey Ena! Just wanted to tell you that I literally open your page every single day (its been 3 months LOL) , just to check if there's any update for apt5108, no rush but that just show how much i adore your work, i just freakin' love your story! I never felt so desperate waiting for the next chapter.. but I believe good things take a long time, and I believe your work could be one of the good things, even better the best thing!! Love, Your biggest fan💕

IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT. I don’t know what to say other than this year has been a mess and a true struggle but I dearly wanted to write this chapter and forced myself to do it and post today. I’m so sorry if it wasn’t worth the wait but hopefully it’s a good continuation to their story T____T

@sehun---addict said to enaasteria: July 20th 2017, 10:07:00 pm · 3 months ago Personally i would rather wait until you finish the story and post it in one go bcs waiting game for each chap is pure torture . Much love♡

I wish I could’ve posted it all but 16 nearly killed me to just finish so I hope this is a good chapter to hold you off until 17 T___T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 20th 2017, 10:14:00 pm · 3 months ago In reference to your tag in the previous ask- I think posting the chapters as you finish them would be preferable for me. That way I wouldn't have to wait as long for another update? But I'm wondering if writing it all and posting it generally at one point would be easier on you, so that it could kind of be one and done. Either way, I appreciate you taking the time to write this story! You are so incredibly talented and I find it so kind that you take time out of your day to write.

16 is going up soon. I hope you enjoy it and I’m so sorry for the wait. Thank you for your patience and I hope you read with low expectations because I’m a bit nervous about this chapter. It’s excruciatingly long T.T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 20th 2017, 11:46:00 pm · 3 months ago please post 16 when it's finished! that way we can have a new chapter at a time to enjoy!

It’s going up!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 23rd 2017, 4:47:00 am · 2 months ago I know I'm late but about the end of appartment 5018 I'm really curious about Polaris. Will it be build ? Will it be insignifiant ? I really like it so yeah that's what I'm most curious about :)

This will be addressed in 17! :D

Anonymous said to enaasteria: August 2nd 2017, 9:53:00 pm · 2 months ago same anon who recommended moondust~~ i have another one for you ena ^^ it's the house we never built by gabrielle alpine <3 best of luck on the story!

Imma check this out after I answer these messages and add it to my playlist! Thank you so much!

@yoruu-gen said to enaasteria: August 21st 2017, 1:01:00 pm · a month ago Happy Fanfic Writers Appreciation Day to my most favorite fanfic author in existence ❤ Apt 5108 is by far the best thing I've read on this website and I look forward to continue stalking your Google Docs 👀 I'm so thankful that you pulled me out of the writer's block abyss and I hope I won't disappoint in the future lol. Thanks for always being such a great friend and for always dying with me about our biases 😅 Love u lots~~

YOUUUUUU. I LOVE YOU. I also thank you so much for helping me with this chapter. You are such an inspiration and I know you feel like you’re not that great of a writer but honestly---you are one of the two I really, truly, look up to on this platform. I always enjoy your words, your stories, YOUR STRUGGLES with your biases but also so thankful for your friendship.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: August 26th 2017, 9:36:00 am · a month ago Red is my favorite fic and it impacted me so much in a way i can only be thankful. Getting away of a one-side love relationship was really a big choice i should have made before but it's really scary to do so. Reading Red helped me aknowledge what i was doing to myself after denying it for too long and i finally decided to take care of myself for once. So i'm thankful because your amazing way of using words helped me realize i should do what's better for me and no one else. Take care of yourself

Red is honestly one of my favorites too. It was so easy to write (compared to apt) hahaha and although Sehun wasn’t a good character in it, I enjoyed the progression of how real the characters were? Like---this happens in real life and not all things end happily with rainbows and butterflies. It is a struggle to see a person go through something like this but it’s also a testament to their character and their willpower to walk away from it and say when they’ve had enough. I hope you’re doing well, anon.

#sassyunicorns2 #whosexo #dream-exo-fantasy #unsungthoughts #anon #messages

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thedefinitionofbts · 7 years

Text

Our First and Last (Ch. 3)

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10 |

Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 (Final)

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (MAIN) | Park Jimin x Kim Taehyung | Jung Hoseok x Min Yoongi | Kim Namjoon x Kim Seokjin

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Soulmate Au, Scifi

Words: 4K

“He’s a genius”

“I heard he’s the one who uncovered most of the information we know about dimensional universes.”

“He published an book on space-time when he was 23 and got tenured as a professor in the university’s theoretical physics department at age 25.”

“That’s crazy!”

“I also heard he’s still single”

“Gross, you know students can’t…”

You stop listening once the girls began talking about things you weren’t really interested in. You were sitting on a bench by the fountain at your college campus, when you overheard some girls talking about the most famous professor at your university. Could this be the guy Jungkook was talking about? You think to yourself, as you pretend to flip through the pages of your textbook while eavesdropping.

The endless search for this so-called “guy who will tell you everything you need to know” has continued in vain since Jungkook had brought it up the day before he left. It’s been months and you had no luck in this quest to find answers. That is, until now.

You quickly run to the university’s information desk and look up this so-called genius professor in the university staff catalog.

Professor Kim Namjoon

Theoretical Physics Department

Building W-52 Room #701

Office Hours: 6am-6pm

You didn’t even have time to think before found yourself running towards the physics building on the other side of campus. You sprint through the courtyard and over the Stonebridge, crossing the river, before you finally reach the east bank. The buildings were much older there, and their stonewalls were covered in blue-green ivy. It was a quite area, and from what you knew, most students strayed away from majoring in physics these days. Claiming the job outlook was not too good and the thought of being a nerdy professor was unappealing.

You walk through the empty hall. It was quiet, dimly lit, and smelled of old books.

“Can I help you?”

You turn around to see a lady peaking at you above her reading glasses. She exuded a kind aura and you could tell her age was up there from the way her short, curly gray hair shone under the lamplight.

“Um, I’m looking for Professor Kim Namjoon.”

“Oh, he’s in the library on the second floor.”

You politely thank her and walk up the round staircase. The wooden steps would creak ever so often, but you still tried to be as quiet as you could, not wanting to disturb the silence.

The shelves of the library were so tall they looked like they reached all the way up to the high ceiling. The books were thick, the type that you didn’t even bother looking at because you knew you would never have the patience to read through it all, the type that would make your backpack so heavy it could cause chronic back pain and other spinal health issues. You shiver at the thought of having to haul such monstrous things to and from school. No wonder students rarely come here.

The place is empty, completely void of living beings, other than the man sitting at a desk in the center of the room. Must be him.

“Professor Kim Namjoon?”

The man glances up from the book he was absorbed in, his face looking much younger than you had previously imagined. He looks around confused before his eyes locate you standing by the doorway.

“Yes?” He says, taking off his spectacles and signaling for you to approach him.

“Umm, I have some questions about the Yin and Yang dimensions” You say, voice slightly shaky because you didn’t know if this was something he’d be willing tell you about, and you also didn’t know if he was busy doing something actually important and didn’t want to be bothered at this moment.

“Of course, that’s my favorite topic to talk about” His mouth forms a wide smile that put his dimples on display. You feel your previous hesitation dissipate at his positive reaction.

You slowly but steadily begin asking about the cycles. Are they really 100% accurate and if “glitches” were possible, in which Namjoon just chuckles, saying that it depends on how you view accuracy in the scientific world, in other words, do you consider a small error rate to be negligent.

You continue on and finally sum up the courage to bring up Jungkook, once Namjoon has made it clear that he has always strongly believed that glitches are very much real, and that he knows way more than you expected.

“That’s amazing!How do you know all this?” You ask, genuinely curious and in awe of how much information and knowledge the man seems to be able to contain in his brain, after he has explained everything about the Yin-Yang dimensions down to the last detail.

“You’re forgetting I’ve dedicated my life to researching different dimensions of the universe” Namjoon chuckles, grabbing another book from one of the old dusty shelves of the vast library and walking over to his cluttered desk.

“The transition period occurs when you two meet at the same age.” He proceeds to explain. “Meaning, you’re going to have to travel through the portal to meet him, instead of the other way around.”

“That’s in a little over a year” You whisper to yourself. At first you thought it was too soft for Namjoon to hear, but he surprises you by nodding his head knowingly.

“What happens if I don’t?” You ask, out of pure curiosity, cause god knows you wouldn’t be able to resist doing anything you could to see Jungkook. But you were just wondering if changing something so key to the process would alter it entirely.

“Then it all ends” Namjoon says, peaking at you above his glasses. His head was still tilted down at the book as he licks his finger to turn the page.

“You mean… I won’t ever see him again?” You ask, trying to keep your voice steady, but it comes out shaky enough to expose how terrified you were at the thought.

Namjoon sighs and shakes his head. “You won’t even remember such a person even existed.” He says, causing your legs to go numb, and you to almost stumble and fall backwards on the hard wooden floor.

“But what happens on my first and his last meeting?” You ask when you’ve finally regained your balance, remembering that the inevitable day will come, and this is your chance to find out more than you ever could anywhere else.

“The next time he is born and ages up, and you are old and start aging down, it will have been like the glitch never happened as the cycle starts anew, and the thread of time realigns.” Namjoon’s voice is steady and even. He seems to be reading an important passage from the book in front of him as he answers your question. “You’ll forget meeting him in the Yin dimension and he’ll forget meeting you in the Yang dimension, meaning both of you will lose all the traces of the memories you had of each other.”

You want to respond, but your throat has gone dry and the room feels like it’s spinning. You grip the edge of the table and bite your lower lip, trying to stop yourself from falling backwards and just fainting.

“Unless of course, the legend is true,” He says, noticing you haven’t responded after a long silence.

“T-the…. legend?” You croak, barely audible, but the professor’s ears are sharp.

“Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung” He states, matter- of -factly.

“Oh” You say, furrowing your eyebrows and recalling the famous tale.

“Funny thing is, that story is the reason I’m here today.” Namjoon chuckles again. “I was so obsessed after hearing that story as a child that I couldn’t stop thinking about it, which lead to developing a passion for studying universes and researching space-time, and here I am.”

“Were they really lost in the depths of a black hole in the end?” You ask, wondering if that’s the only other option for you as well.

He shakes his head and sighs.

“That’s a simplified version of what happened. But in reality they actually jumped into a wormhole, only to reach another dimension where they could live together happily for a set amount of time, meaning their lives would inevitably end one day. But we don’t know what happens to biological life after organisms die in that other dimension.” Namjoon folds his hands together and pauses before continuing. “According to my research, the most plausible explanation is that their essence just ceases to exist, but the people there believe they either go to a place called “heaven” which is so glorious its inconceivable by imagination or “hell” which is a fiery pit of doom.”

“Complete bliss or unbearable pain. It sounds risky and scary.” You shiver a little as you try to wrap your head around the foreign concept.

“What did he do?” Namjoon suddenly asks.

“Huh?” You lift your head to look at him confused. The professor is looking at you with an unreadable expression.

“On your first his last”

“Oh, he….” You close your eyes and picture the day you first met Jungkook. The memory was fuzzy, and your head almost hurt trying to conjure the time you saw him disappear for the first time from the back of your mind.

Then you see it. Clear as day, sending goose bumps shooting down your spine.

“He jumped into a black hole”

“Sometimes those dreams are so vivid they feel like events that actually happened or something.” You explain to Dr. Kim, your primary psychologist, as he calmly takes note of your every word, writing all the details down in his notebook.

It was only the fourth session you’ve had since entering the clinic, and you’re already finding it much easier to remember the dreams you have at night. Before you sought treatment you would wake up in the morning covered with cold sweat and clammy hands that shook nonstop, not being able to recall a single memory from your dream the night before, even though you knew you dreamt of something because of the lingering intensity of the emotions you would wake up to.

“What is the closest feeling you can describe from those dreams?” Dr. Kim asks, looking at you with furrowed eyebrows. His gold brown bangs covering the wrinkling of his forehead.

You take a moment to think. Attempting to find the right word to describe the feeling that has been familiar to you for most of your life.

“Longing” You finally say, feeling a bit vulnerable admitting it so openly.

Dr. Kim nods and jots a few things down in his notebook. Before he’s able to ask the next question, you hear the door open slightly, and someone peak their head in. He was also a young man in his mid-twenties, probably the same age as Dr. Kim, but he had pale pink hair, and was slightly shorter in stature.

“Taehyung!” He says excitedly as he walks in the room. He closes his mouth when he notices you sitting on the leather couch across from Dr. Kim, clearly in the middle of a session.

“Dr. Park, we promise our patients privacy” Dr. Kim, closes his eyes in annoyance as he turns around to give the pink haired doctor a scolding look, but the tone in Dr. Kim’s voice is not harsh, and you can tell they’ve known each other for a long time.

“Sorry, I forgot you were with a patient.” The pink haired doctor says as his cheeks flush a shade similar to his hair color. He begins to slowly back out the room, but your words bring his feathery backward steps to a halt.

“Oh no, it’s completely fine. My session is almost over anyways,” You say, waving at Dr. Park to stay in the room. He hesitates for a second, but ends up beaming at you for being so chill about it, because some patients tend to have explosive tempers.

Dr. Kim sighs. “Please make it quick, Dr. Park” He mutters.

“Eh, why are you being so formal?” Dr. Park says with a smile that makes his eyes disappear into crescent moons. “I’m not used to you not calling me Jiminie,” He says, almost coming out as a whine.

You almost choke on the saliva you were swallowing as you hold back a laugh. Dr. Kim’s cheeks are heating up as he tries to not die of embarrassment. His fingers fidget with the note taking pen he’s holding in his hand, waiting for Dr. Park to just cut to the chase.

“Oh yeah, I came to tell you that we just got a new addition to the clinic. He’s some MD-PhD neurosurgeon going by the name of Dr. Jeon.” Dr. Park says remembering why he burst into the room at such an awkward time.

“A new doctor?” Dr. Kim says utterly confused and surprised at the same time. “But didn’t we make a pact that this clinic would only be run by you and me?” He says, voice rising a little.

“Whoa, Taehyung, calm down, he came as a patient” Dr. Park explains. “I just diagnosed him with depression. He should’ve came in the earlier stages of his condition, but his superiority complex has hindered him from accepting he’s in desperate need of help.”

“Well, what can you expect from an MD-PhD neurosurgeon. They’re geniuses that have been praised all their lives. It’s understandable why he wouldn’t accepted it right away.” Dr. Kim says.

Dr. Park nods and exits the room after apologizing to you one last time for the interruption.

“So where were we?” Dr. Kim says as he turns his attention back to you.

The first and last time you and Jungkook were the same age was on your twentieth birthday.

It was strange because he jumped into the portal the same time you did, your first his last, which lead to the two of you entering the heart of the glitch, the dimension where Yin and Yang collided due to a somewhat minor flaw in the design of the universe.

That was the year the two of you got to spend time in the most beautiful, most complete image of the world. A perfect combination of Yin and Yang, a dimension that transcended time and space and only existed because of that 0.0000001% error in the otherwise near perfect flow of the cycle.

The world wasn’t completely cool toned anymore, and according to Jungkook it wasn’t completely warm toned like the Yang dimension either.

For the first time, you were given the honor to witness what it looked like when the flowers in the field encompassed all the colors of the rainbow from the bright red glow of molten lava to the crystalline blue of an ice palace, and the grass was pure green, unlike the bluish tinged sort of green you’ve known all your life.

The sunlight was warmer than you were used to, but it was reminiscent of the feeling of being in Jungkook’s presence.

There was so much to see and so little time, but that wasn’t going to stop you from making the most of a one-time opportunity.

“Wow, it’s beautiful,” You exclaim as you absorb the magnificent scene of the seaside presented before you. The warm blush of the red beach at sunset meeting the cool blue waves of the aquamarine ocean, sending cool surges of clean air tainted with hints of salt rushing towards your face.

“I can’t believe we actually made it before the sunset” Jungkook says, staring in awe at the swirling pinks, yellows, oranges, lavenders, and blues painted in the sky.

You guys had spent the entire day on the road, riding on trains and hiking through forest-covered hills, hoping to finally reach the threshold where land meets sea.

You’re so excited that you suddenly grab Jungkook’s hand and run towards the cool foamy waves, laughing and feeling more joy than you’ve ever felt in your life. You hear Jungkook’s playful laughter echo behind as he follows your lead. The moment you guys reach the wet sand, you take off your shoes with Jungkook mimicking your actions as well. The ground is cool, damp, and squishy, almost acting like a soothing massage to the sore feet you had been walking on all day.

When the clear water hits the surface of your skin, it sends shivers down your spine. You wiggle your toes in the wet sand, and turn to look at Jungkook, who’s staring at you with an amused expression. His eyes glowing warmly from the glare of the sunset, face wrinkled from the smile spread across his face, and hair blown back from the ocean breeze exposing his smooth forehead.

He walks up behind and back hugs you, wrapping his strong arms around your waist as you rest you head back against his firm chest. The two of you standing ankle deep in the water, mesmerized by the sun lowering itself below the horizon, at the line where the sky meets the sea.

Before you even realize it, another year passes, and this time you find yourself swirling through the dimensionless portal again, on your way to see Jungkook. You have to continuously remind yourself of what Namjoon told you, that you’ve reached the phase where it’s your duty to get back to him since he hasn’t traveled through the portal yet in his timeline.

Put nicely, traveling through a space-time whirlpool was extremely uncomfortable. The spinning made you nauseous, and you felt like you were being pulled in a hundred different directions.

Every cell in your body was screaming in protest but despite that and the constant fear of not knowing when it’s going to stop or where it was actually taking you, knowing you would get to see Jungkook at the end of it, even if it was only for second, gave you the strength to put up with virtually anything.

When the spinning stops, you make a feeble attempt to open your eyes. The sunlight was too bright, too vibrant, almost blinding, and the ground you were sitting on was hot, too hot, causing beads of sweat to emerge from your skin.

“Jungkook?” You call out.

No answer.

You blink a few times to help your eyes adjusts to the brightness.

“Y/N!”

You whip your head around and almost burst into tears when you see the nineteen-year-old run up to you. Oversized white t-shirt and jeans. Classic Jungkook.

“How do you survive in this heat?” You ask, desperately fanning yourself with your hand, but it doesn’t really do much at all.

Jungkook laughs, his youthful appearance was glowing radiantly in the warm-toned environment.

“You look and feel cold though” Jungkook says, ask he playfully pokes you in the arm.

He wasn’t joking. You were sucking in all the heat from the surrounding area because thermal energy moves from high to low. Now you understood why you always felt warm when Jungkook came to visit you in the Yin dimension.

“We could take a walk in the shady forest” Jungkook suggests.

You nod, eager to get out of the burning sunlight.

The forest was overgrown with vegetation, and there was a narrow dirt path that led to a clearing in the middle. You notice the various species of trees that had bark ranging from chestnut brown to almost a sandy yellow. Their leaves were bright green, and the wild flowers scattered amongst the grass were vibrant oranges, yellows, and reds.

It was slightly less hot, but the temperature was still higher than you had ever experienced in the Yin dimension, even in the middle of summer.

“There’s a place I’ve wanted to take you” Jungkook says.

You follow him as he expertly navigates through the overgrowing plants, and helps you step over crooked rocks and fallen trees.

“Sorry about the inconvenient path, but this is the easiest way to get there”

And that’s when it hits you that he’s probably done this many times, too many to even count, just so he could find an easier path to bring you along.

Soon you hear the sound of flowing water and Jungkook turning back to tell you “we’re almost there”. His excitement contained in that same adorable bunny smile.

It wasn’t long before the two of you reach the second clearing, and the rushing waterfall greets you with its fresh scent of nature and musical splash of clear water. You stare at it in awe, soaking in every last detail of the dazzling image, feeling a wave of excitement saturate your body.

“Dr. Jeon Jungkook?” Jimin breathes, as he hastily opens the door to his office, shocked to see the man soaking wet from the rain, looking like he’s going to pass out any moment as he leans against the door pane.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Jungkook huffs as he pushes past Jimin and plops down on the black leather couch, not bothering with any formal greetings.

“Forgot your umbrella?” Jimin asks raising an eyebrow and grinning slightly at the sight of the lean, toned man whose white dress shirt is now clinging to the curves of his chest and shoulders.

“No, I felt the urge to take a shower in my clothes” Jungkook retorts sarcastically, he sounds annoyed, as always.

Jimin sighs. This was the third session with Dr. Jeon, and they still haven’t gotten anywhere. He was resistant, not willing to open up no matter how hard Jimin tried to ease his way into Jungkook’s mind.

“Is this what you get paid to do?” Jungkook asks, staring at Jimin now. Eyes like dark orbs piercing through the soft soul of the pink haired psychologist. “Ask meaningless questions that you already know the answer to?” The sharpness in his voice was evident, and it was clear he was there against his will.

Jimin can feel his own anger and annoyance rise, but he’s had enough years of training to know that Jungkook is just saying these things to hide his vulnerability.

“Well, let’s just get started shall we?” Jimin says, taking a deep breath and sitting down on the couch directly across from Jungkook, ignoring his previous attacking question.

Jungkook doesn’t respond and instead just looks out the window at the pellets of rain splashing against the large glass windows. The storm continued to drown out the view of the city outside, and all that was visible was the mix of blurry gray buildings and distant lights.

“Did you do anything today?” Jimin proceeds to ask, while taking out a pen and notepad.

“If a ten hour extracranial to intracranial arterial bypass counts, then yeah” Jungkook says absentmindedly, still avoiding eye contact with Jimin.

“Did you feel that the procedure was mentally draining or was there any physical fatigue afterwards?” Jimin asks, looking at Jungkook intently.

Jungkook huffs out a mocking laugh. “Look, Dr. Park, I’ve been doing this for years, I think I can handle whatever my jobs requires of me without complaining about feeling….’tired’” He looks down at his hands, dark wet bangs partially covering his eyes. He’s fiddling with his fingers, feeling a slight tremble due to the strained muscles in his wrist.

Jimin nods, already used to this kind of response by Jungkook.

“Are you able to recall any dreams at night?”

Jungkook slowly lifts his head and looks at Jimin, caught off-guard by the sudden change of topic, with no transition, no warning at all. Jimin had never gone as far as to ask anything about his personal life, wanting to ease his way towards Jungkook’s trust by only talking about work related topics, but it wasn’t working and crawling at a snail’s pace was not getting either of them anywhere.

The psychologist stares back, patiently waiting for the neurosurgeon to answer.

“They’re vivid and I can spell out everything to the last detail, except one aspect.” Jungkook says, biting his bottom lip, regretting the words even as they came out of his mouth.

“And what is that?” Jimin proceeds, voice even with no trace of hesitation.

“The person that consistently shows up in every single dream, but I can’t see their face and I don’t know who it is.”

Jungkook stares blankly at the coffee table situated between the two of them, unsure if telling Jimin any of this will even matter. After a long moment of drawn out silence, with nothing but the pitter-patter of the rain echoing past the window, Jungkook’s voice finally cuts through the room once again.

“It’s like I’m reaching out for someone I can’t see.”

...

224 notes · View notes

dandaragohan · 7 years

Text

Dandara Gohan Ch. 1 Translations

(translation notes)

(what does ‘dandara gohan mean’??)

To read it on pixiv, go here. This manga is free to read online, so please do not repost the manga anywhere. Seriously, you don’t even need a pixiv account to read it. Don’t be a jerk. Also, please do not reproduce my translations anywhere else; they are not always 100% accurate, so I don’t want them going around to parts unknown.

Chapter 1: Fluffy Egg Soufflé

Notes: Pages are numbered according to the online reader on pixiv; there are technically two manga pages per each pixiv page except for the two page spreads. For this chapter, there are 23 “pages”.

Yamaguchi Hajime is better known as Saitō Hajime. Yamaguchi was his birth name. And Okita Sōjirō later becomes Okita Sōji. I went with last names so just keep in mind that Yamaguchi is actually Saitō.

[] = text in boxes

() = text in thought bubbles

“-” = text in speech bubbles

italic = free floating text, usually thoughts or narrative

1/23

Alone on a battlefield ridden with despair, what he remembered were the memories from that time…

Yamaguchi: “I’m...alive?”

2/23

Whether it’s eating or risking our lives, our comrades are always right beside us.

3/23

[Bunkyū 2, 11th month, Edo.]

???: “Hey, Hajime-san, you went ahead and started eating without me!”

Yamaguchi: (Just had to go and say it...)

The voice interrupting this blissful time is…?

4/23

Okita: “So mean…Even though we said we’d eat together…”

Okita: “Ah, oh well! Mister, I’ll have shrimp and eel~!”

Yamaguchi: “How many times do I have to tell you to stop following me around…Okita-kun.”

Okita: “You’re so cold~! Weren’t we practicing the sword together earlier? We’re the same age, so it’s not about that…huh? Are you listening to me, Hajime-saan?”

5/23

Okita: “Wow, looks delicious~!”

Yamaguchi: (The old man here does good work. Everything is fried just right, and there’s a wide variety, too. This food stand is the best in the area……)

Yamaguchi: “Uh…why aren’t you eating?”

Okita: “Oh, well, I can’t stand hot foods. It’s little embarrassing…Oh! If I remove the coating, won’t it cool off quicker?”

Yamaguchi: “Huh!? With your hands!?”

Okita: “It’s hot!”

Yamaguchi: (Well, obviously! What made you think that would go over well?)

Shopkeeper: “A-are you alright…? I thought it was fried properly…”

Yamaguchi: “D…don’t worry about it, please. He’s always like this…He’s a sort of unusual guy…”

6/23

Okita: “Alright then, let’s eat~…”

Okita: “If you peel the coating off, this is just a regular shrimp! It’s not shrimp tempura anymore! Hahahaha! Thanks for the food – eh!?”

Okita: “Are you going already? Heey, Hajime-saan!”

Yamaguchi: [I’m not good at dealing with this person (Okita-kun)…We just can’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to our tastes in food.]

Okita

If it’s sweet, it’s good.

If it’s cold, it’s good.

Yamaguchi

Fond of alcohol

A child of Edo.

(Eats things while they’re still hot.)

Okita: “That was delicious, wasn’t it~”

Yamaguchi: “Be quiet. You’re such a weirdo, cut it out.”

Okita: “You’re so mean!”

7/23

Yamaguchi: “What’s really terrible is that over there, isn’t it.”

Okita: “Hajime-san…Hajime-san! It’s a daifuku vendor! Let’s eat!”

Yamaguchi: “O–ki–ta–kun!”

Okita: “I’m sorry, I’ll treat you…! Huh? I don’t have any money.”

Yamaguchi: “Hey.”

Yamaguchi: [We don’t see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. It was summer when our paths crossed.]

8/23

Yamaguchi: (Why is a strong guy like him killing time by visiting Imo Dojo!?)

9/23

Random Students: “Thank you very much.”

Okita: “Yamaguchi…Hajime-san, was it? I’m Okita Sōjirō. You were really strong. I honestly thought I might lose.”

Yamaguchi: “It’s those who are viciously defeated who should be saying that.”

Okita: “No, I really mean it! Up until now, I’ve never really met anyone with abilities equal to mine…It seems like you could become a lot stronger…How about it? If you want, why not come to our dōjō…”

Yamaguchi: “I refuse.”

Yamaguchi: (So I said, completely without concern.)

10/23

Yamaguchi: [That guy appeared wherever I went.]

Okita: “Ah! It’s Hajime-san! Let’s have a match, just for a bit! Just one point is fine!”

Yamaguchi: “No!”

Yamaguchi: [Unfortunately, we ended up taking our meals together under the name of friendship.]

Okita: “Thank you for treating me…Hajime-san, you’re so nice! Ahaha!”

Yamaguchi: “You can stop saying that already.”

Okita: “These really are the best for winter, huh. Yum.”

Yamaguchi: “Though I’d be in an even better mood if it wasn’t you who was next to me…”

Okita: “The person who came up with keeping warm in winter with brazier really was great. The person who thought to keep them warm even in the winter by using a brazier was impressive.”

[4 mon for 1 piece = 80 yen

Okita-kun didn’t even have that much.]

Okita: “I’m thankful to whoever thought of it…I hope that person got enough credit for such a thing…”

Yamaguchi: “What’re you talking about?”

Okita: “……”

11/23

Okita: “Hey, you know…Kondō-sensei, right? He’s the young master of the Shieikan Dojo…”

Kondō: “Yamaguchi-kuun!”

Yamaguchi: (That energetic looking person, huh.)

Okita: “Recently…sensei has become a shut-in…He’s depressed and hasn’t been eating much…”

Yamaguchi: “W…Why!? A hikikomori…?”

Okita: “He was betrayed by the people from Kōbusho.”

In this era, the commoners who could follow the way of the sword as samurai was limited. Instructors of the Kobusho taught military arts to the sons of noble families...XXX

Okay, I’m sorry, I have no clue what the entire sentence is saying. This sentence is too long...Here is the original line: その中で最も多くの人が憧れそして狭き門なのが名門の子に武道を教える'講武所の教授職’

Okita: (With Kondo-sensei’s strength, he was unofficially offered a teaching job, but…)

(Past) Kondō: “Yes~! An unofficial offer!”

(Past) Okita: “Young master, congratulations!”

Okita: “He was cast aside because of his social status…”

12/23

Yamaguchi: “It’s not unusual that the efforts we put in, and everything we do, is decided at birth, is it?

Okita: “Well, then I wonder what we even live for…”

Yamaguchi: “Hey, Okita-kun…”

13/23

Yamaguchi: “You can’t be thinking…to increase your skills by fighting me…and assassinate the man who betrayed Kondō-san, are you? Why aren’t you answering? Why are you ignoring me!”

Okita: “But I haven’t even said anything, have I? No way~”

Yamaguchi: “If you intend to kill a person for such a reason, as your friend, I’ll stop you!”

Okita: “Hahaha. You’re so serious, Hajime-san…It was a joke. I wanted to surprise you a little. I won’t do anything that would make sensei even sadder.”

Yamaguchi: (That didn’t sound like a joke at all…)

14/23

Okita: “I just want sensei to be happy, that’s all…”

Yamaguchi: (What’s that all about…)

Yamaguchi: [I’m really not good at dealing with this person.

Yamaguchi: [I have never once wished for another’s happiness.]

Random Family Members: You’re the second son. You won’t succeed the family. You serve no use.

Yamaguchi: [This person next to me…]

Yamaguchi: “Let’s go to the grocer’s to buy eggs.”

Okita: “Huh? Eggs?”

Yamaguchi: “We’re going to pay Kondō-san a visit. Eggs are a must-have, right?”

Okita: “He’ll be overjoyed! Hajime-san really is nice after all~”

Yamaguchi: “No I’m not!”

15/23

Yamaguchi: (I’m not kind. I just happened to sympathize with Kondō-san, who had been prevented from doing what he wanted to do because of who he is. I’m just a no-good person who wants to be saved by sympathizing with such a person, who always seeks change, struggles, and is betrayed.)

Okita: “Ah. I’m not very good at this~…The shell got in…”

Yamaguchi: “Okita-kun, why is the egg in a teacup…?”

Okita: “Eh? We’re giving it to sensei, right?”

Yamaguchi: “Yeah, but when people are in a weakened state, isn’t that way too pungent!? As expected, if you don’t cook you’re useless at it.”

Okita: “Huh, a cookbook? Where did you pull that out from?”

Yamaguchi: “It’s popular on the streets.”

16/23

Yamaguchi: “You copy down the pages that interest you in a notebook like this one...It’s a hobby…”

Okita: “Ooh…how diligent of you, Hajime-san…so you like this sort of thing? Then, Hajime-san, please take the lead! I’ll be your assistant.”

Yamaguchi: “That’s fine, but…”

Okita: “Which should we make? Egg dishes are popular, so there are a lot of options…What’s this one?”

Fluffy Eggs

Banquet Food

Soy sauce

Eggs

Sugar

Yamaguchi: “Fluffy eggs, huh. You’re the kind of guy who’d write the name down if it interests you.”

Okita: “It says banquet food, so it’s the kind of cooking an important person would eat, right?”

[Fluffy Egg Souffle]

It’s a dish that was eaten by the third Tokugawa Shogun Iemitsu. It is also described in Tokaido Hizakurige.

Yamaguchi: “It’s not that difficult, is it? I’m an amateur at this stuff…I always eat out, after all.”

Okita: “But we can do it if it’s written in the cookbook! By the way, aren’t you the one who wrote it?”

Yamaguchi: “It sounds easy when you say it, but…It says mix until foam rises from the egg…?”

17/23

Okita: “Um, so I ‘take the dashi’…dashi? H…Hajime-san…! Um…it says dashi…what should I do…!?”

Yamaguchi: “You’re so troublesome. If it says dashi, it means katsuo. Damn it! How long am I supposed to stir this!”

Yamaguchi: “It’s over there. Use that.”

Okita: “Eh…This!? This is…?…I don’t understand. The katsuo I know is supposed to be fish…I’ve never eaten food with this tree like thing in it…”

Yamaguchi: “…What’re you doing, standing in a daze. You have to shave that!”

Okita: “If you know, then you do it, please~!”

Yamaguchi: “Alright already, give it!”

Okita: “Wah~”

Yamaguchi: “…After, put the boiled dashi in…Okita-kun, gently pour the eggs in please.”

Okita: “Okay!”

18/23

Yamaguchi: “I said gently…!”

Okita: “Sorry. I’m too rough…!”

Yamaguchi: “A guy like you really is…”

Okita: “I hope it’s delicious~~!”

Yamaguchi: “…We can’t really tell if it’s going to come out…”

Okita: “Eh? A failure…!? Even though we used three eggs already!?”

Yamaguchi: “Yeah, looks like it…my money, that is…”

[In this era, raw eggs cost 20 mon for 1 = 400 yen.]

Yamaguchi: “Lower the flame here…and put…the cover on…”

19/23

Yamaguchi: “A success? Failure…? It…it looks like we did it…?”

Okita: “It’s so fluffy~Let’s taste a bit.”

Yamaguchi: “Okay.”

The じー sound effect means “staaare”.

Yamaguchi: “Hurry up and eat!”

Okita: “Ow!”

Okita: “……Ah, HOT!”

Insert the sound you make when you try to blow/jostle hot food around in your mouth so it doesn’t burn you (though it usually does anyway). I have no clue how to render that sound in English.

Yamaguchi: “Haha, what an idiot.”

Both: “Delicious…!”

20/23

Okita: “This is the first time we’ve agreed with each other, isn’t it.”

Yamaguchi: “Well…so you mean that anyone who eats this would say it’s tasty…”

Okita: “If you keep talking, the fluff will dissolve…”

Yamaguchi: “He’s already gulping it down…It has an even simpler, lighter, and more soothing dashi flavor than than a rolled omelette.”

(?): “Even if you have no appetite this should…”

I think it’s Yamaguchi saying this, but I can’t be sure since the person talking trails off (Okita has a clear polite speech pattern, Yamaguchi is more casual).

Yamaguchi: Then, Kondō-sensei will surely…

Kondō: “Aah…it’s delicious. I’ll eat it…”

Okita: “I…I’m glad…”

21/23

Okita: “You’ve been losing weight more and more recently. You had me really worried!”

Kondō: “I’m sorry, Sōjirō…I’ll go to the dojo tomorrow.”Okita: “Really!?”

Yamaguchi: (Even though I’m the one who worked hard making it…)

Yamaguchi: [Even though I’m angry at Okita-kun for showing off, somehow I can’t hate him.]

Okita: “Hajime-san.”

22/23

Yamaguchi: “You again?”

Okita: “Hello. Ah, ever since then Kondo-sensei’s appetite has been returning little by little!”

Yamaguchi: “…Ah, is that so. That’s good.”

Okita: “Yup! He even started coming to the dojo again.”

Yamaguchi: “So you don’t need me anymore. Practice can be left up to sensei…”

Okita: “That’s not what I came here to talk about today.”

I have no clue what the next line says:

「脱・厄介者への足がかりになれそうなお話があるんです」

Yamaguchi: “Huh?”

23/23

Okita: “It’s called the ‘Rōshigumi’…um…I forgot the details! Anyway, come here for a sec!”

Yamaguchi: “H…hey!?”

Okita: “I had fun with you around, Hajime-san! So please come with me.”

Yamaguchi: “Wha…”

Yamaguchi: (What a selfish guy…!)Yamaguchi:

Get involved with merciless people, I jumped straight into the maelstrom of this era. Thinking back on it later, what happened up until now was only the beginning. At that time I still did not know the significance of it.

#dandara gohan #tonogaya miyuki #chapter 1 #dandara gohon translations

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