#and i still have so many ideas and tasks to do
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For the Reverse Unpopular Opinion meme, Lamarckism!
(This is an excellent ask.)
Lamarck got done a bit dirty by the textbooks, as one so often is. He's billed as the guy who articulated an evolutionary theory of inherited characteristics, inevitably set up as an opponent made of straw for Darwin to knock down. The example I recall my own teachers using in grade school was the idea that a giraffe would strain to reach the highest branches of a tree, and as a result, its offspring would be born with slightly longer necks. Ha-ha-ha, isn't-that-silly, isn't natural selection so much more sensible?
But the thing is, this wasn't his idea, not even close. People have been running with ideas like that since antiquity at least. What Lamarck did was to systematize that claim, in the context of a wider and much more interesting theory.
Lamarck was born in to an era where natural philosophy was slowly giving way to Baconian science in the modern sense- that strange, eighteenth century, the one caught in an uneasy tension between Newton the alchemist and Darwin the naturalist. This is the century of Ben Franklin and his key and his kite, and the awed discovery that this "electricity" business was somehow involved in living organisms- the discovery that paved the way for Shelley's Frankenstein. This was the era when alchemy was fighting its last desperate battles with chemistry, when the division between 'organic' and 'inorganic' chemistry was fundamental- the first synthesis of organic molecules in the laboratory wouldn't occur until 1828, the year before Lamarck's death. We do not have atoms, not yet. Mendel and genetics are still more than a century away; we won't even have cells for another half-century or more.
Lamarck stepped in to that strange moment. I don't think he was a bold revolutionary, really, or had much interest in being one. He was profoundly interested in the structure and relationships between species, and when we're not using him as a punching bag in grade schools, some people manage to remember that he was a banging good taxonomist, and made real progress in the classification of invertebrates. He started life believing in the total immutability of species, but later was convinced that evolution really was occurring- not because somebody taught him in the classroom, or because it was the accepted wisdom of the time, but through deep, continued exposure to nature itself. He was convinced by the evidence of his senses.
(Mostly snails.)
His problem was complexity. When he'd been working as a botanist, he had this neat little idea to order organisms by complexity, starting with the grubbiest, saddest little seaweed or fern, up through lovely flowering plants. This was not an evolutionary theory, just an organizing structure; essentially, just a sort of museum display. But when he was asked to do the same thing with invertebrates, he realized rather quickly that this task had problems. A linear sorting from simple to complex seemed embarrassingly artificial, because it elided too many different kinds of complexity, and ignored obvious similarities and shared characteristics.
When he went back to the drawing board, he found better organizing schema; you'd recognize them today. There were hierarchies, nested identities. Simple forms with only basic, shared anatomical patterns, each functioning as a sort of superset implying more complex groups within it, defined additively by the addition of new organs or structures in the body. He'd made a taxonomic tree.
Even more shockingly, he realized something deep and true in what he was looking at: this wasn't just an abstract mapping of invertebrates to a conceptual diagram of their structures. This was a map in time. Complexities in invertebrates- in all organisms!- must have been accumulating in simpler forms, such that the most complicated organisms were also the youngest.
This is the essential revolution of Lamarckian evolution, not the inherited characteristics thing. His theory, in its full accounting, is actually quite elaborate. Summarized slightly less badly than it is in your grade school classroom (though still pretty badly, I'm by no means an expert on this stuff), it looks something like this:
As we all know, animals and plants are sometimes generated ex nihilo in different places, like maggots spontaneously appearing in middens. However, the spontaneous generation of life is much weaker than we have supposed; it can only result in the most basic, simple organisms (e.g. polyps). All the dizzying complexity we see in the world around us must have happened iteratively, in a sequence over time that operated on inheritance between one organism and its descendants.
As we all know, living things are dynamic in relation to inorganic matter, and this vital power includes an occasional tendency to gain in complexity. However, this tendency is not a spiritual or supernatural effect; it's a function of natural, material processes working over time. Probably this has something to do with fluids such as 'heat' and 'electricity' which are known to concentrate in living tissues. When features appear spontaneously in an organism, that should be understood as an intrinsic propensity of the organism itself, rather than being caused by the environment or by a divine entity. There is a specific, definite, and historically contingent pattern in which new features can appear in existing organisms.
As we all know, using different tissue groups more causes them to be expressed more in your descendants, and disuse weakens them in the same way. However, this is not a major feature in the development of new organic complexity, since it could only move 'laterally' on the complexity ladder and will never create new organs or tissue groups. At most, you might see lineages move from ape-like to human-like or vice versa, or between different types of birds or something; it's an adaptive tendency that helps organisms thrive in different environments. In species will less sophisticated neural systems, this will be even less flexible, because they can't supplement it with willpower the way that complex vertebrates can.
Lamarck isn't messing around here; this is a real, genuinely interesting model of the world. And what I think I'm prepared to argue here is that Lamarck's biggest errors aren't his. He has his own blind spots and mistakes, certainly. The focus on complexity is... fraught, at a minimum. But again and again, what really bites him in the ass is just his failure to break with his inherited assumptions enough. The parts of this that are actually Lamarckian, that is, are the ideas of Lamarck, are very clearly groping towards a recognizable kind of proto-evolutionary theory in a way that we recognize.
What makes Lamarck a punching bag in grade-school classes today is the same thing that made it interesting; it's that it was the best and most scientific explanation of biological complexity available at the time. It was the theory to beat, the one that had edged out all the other competitors and emerged as the most useful framework of the era. And precisely none of that complexity makes it in to our textbooks; they use "Lamarckianism" to refer to arguments made by freaking Aristotle, and which Lamarck himself accepted but de-emphasized as subordinate processes. What's even worse, Darwin didn't reject this mechanism either. Darwin was totally on board with the idea as a possible adaptive tendency; he just didn't particularly need it for his theory.
Lamarck had nothing. Not genetics, not chromosomes, not cells, not atomic theory. Geology was a hot new thing! Heat was a liquid! What Lamarck had was snails. And on the basis of snails, Lamarck deduced a profound theory of complexity emerging over time, of the biosphere as a(n al)chemical process rather than a divine pageant, of gradual adaptation punctuated by rapid innovation. That's incredible.
There's a lot of falsehood in the Lamarckian theory of evolution, and it never managed to entirely throw off the sloppy magical thinking of what came before. But his achievement was to approach biology and taxonomy with a profound scientific curiosity, and to improve and clarify our thinking about those subjects so dramatically that a theory of biology could finally, triumphantly, be proven wrong. Lamarck is falsifiable. That is a victory of the highest order.
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The Mysterious Visitor II
Batfamily x batsis (platonic!)
Synopsis: The unknown child evokes conflicting feelings in Bruce Wayne, who once again finds himself needing to deal with Talia's life problems. The girl only wanted the simple desire to see her brother again, unaware of the danger she had put herself into on her journey.
Warnings: The reader is 13 years old and is Damian's twin sister; the tone of the story is somewhat sad; Bruce is intimidating; Hugo Strange mentioned; this will have a third, and hopefully final, part.
Word count: 2.8k
Note: I feel like maybe I could have developed a more emotional scene between Bruce and the reader, I also want to delve deeper into her thought process, but I hope to make up for that in the next part. I like it when you guys tell me what you want to happen next, it gives me ideas. Please, go ahead and do that. That was my first time making a tag list, so I apologize if I didn't do it correctly.
Part I
Alfred could finally check the exact time now that he was standing in front of Bruce's room, admiring for a few seconds the clock in the corridor's decoration, which showed 4:17 am. He prepared to knock on the door, but suddenly a thought crossed his mind: would it be more rational to wake Damian instead of his father? Throughout his life, he had faced unusual situations thanks to the Wayne family; hardly anything would shake him now. His concern, however, was not for himself, but for Bruce.
Talia was a persistent shadow in Bruce's past, still haunting him, and although he had tried to convince the butler many times that the only link he had with her now was because of their son, Alfred still doubted it. Their relationship had been complicated in many ways, either because of her ambiguous nature or Ra’s al Ghul's insistence on trying to persuade Bruce to join the League of Assassins, making Alfred fear that Bruce's morals might deviate because of this passion at the time.
Alfred raised his fist to knock three times and waited patiently as was his custom, but it seemed that was not enough to wake his master. He knew the door was open and knew he was allowed to enter without knocking, so just this once he used the liberty the young man had given him over the years; because in the end, Bruce Wayne was just that, a young man, and would always be seen that way by him.
Inside the room, he turned on the light, and the intense glare made him close his eyes to avoid the sting of the brightness. Approaching the bed, he sighed at the sight of Zolpidem pills left on the nightstand. This had been the only way Bruce found to stop spending sleepless nights, reluctantly since he was too stubborn and preferred to patrol in the darkness. Waking him would be a difficult task.
"Master Bruce," he called, waiting for a response, but got nothing. Alfred felt sorry for waking him, seeing how he finally seemed to be resting. "Master Bruce," he called again, this time nudging his shoulder. The pills must have been wearing off because he started to stir on the mattress.
"What’s going on, Alfred?" Bruce asked in a hoarse voice while rubbing his eyes to relieve the discomfort from the lamp. He sat up in bed, leaning his back against the headboard, blinking several times to see the butler in the corner. One of the room's curtains was open, and he saw the snow falling outside with the dark sky, showing that it was still night. "Is it Hugo Strange? Has he shown up somewhere?"
"Unfortunately, or fortunately, no, sir." Alfred paused, then licked his lips, preparing to continue and finally revealing, "There's a young lady downstairs who claims to be Master Damian’s sister." Direct, as always.
"Sister of Damian?" Bruce repeated the information, still not fully comprehending its meaning. He needed some time, just standing there absorbing the words. It seemed to be taking an eternity, but Alfred wouldn't interrupt the moment of clarity he was having.
He squinted, pushed the covers aside, and picked up the shirt he found nearby. Buttoning it up and getting out of bed, he continued, "When did this happen?"
"Just now, sir."
"Did Damian bring her here?" The question had a bitter tone but never crossed the line of respect that was drawn between them, and Alfred knew he should prepare for his interrogation. Bruce saw the alarm clock and, like the butler a few minutes ago, checked the time. "He never mentioned anything like this."
"Nor to me." Alfred suddenly extended a coat for him to take. Bruce held the fabric between his fingers, confused. "This coat is hers. There’s a map of Gotham City and a letter inside. I recommend you take a look at the addressee."
Pulling the papers from the right pocket, Bruce noticed a map folded into many smaller parts and a letter witch was still sealed, though the corners were noticeably crumpled and marked by small fingers. Carefully analyzing the cursive handwriting, he read. "I had no idea Damian still had contact with his mother. Much less that Talia had a daughter," he said, still drowsy, staring at the name 'Talia Head,' to whom the letter was addressed and recognizing his son’s elegant handwriting. Apparently, she still used the alias surname.
"It's not surprising considering you only discovered your son after so many years." The statement could have easily been interpreted as irony, but it was acidic. "She didn’t seem sure Damian lived here; I suppose she found out because of this letter."
"You left her alone downstairs?" he ignored the previous comment.
"I left her in Master Dick's care."
Bruce stared at him for long seconds and hurried out of the room. Halfway down the stairs, he could already see some glimpses of Dick's hair over the back of the sofa, talking to someone, or rather, laughing with someone.
"Dick?" The voice quickly caught his attention, turning his face to see his father approaching. When Bruce stood in front of the fireplace, he could finally look at the child beside the boy. Dick began to say something, but Bruce couldn’t hear.
He stared at the girl, analyzing everything about her, from the way she intertwined her fingers nervously to her deer-like eyes. Her iris were shining, as if she had cried, and her swollen and bruised lips were quite noticeable. She had definitely been outside not long ago, shaking and rubbing her hands together constantly to warm herself up. She seemed too sweet, but Bruce knows that appearances can be deceiving.
His gaze passed over the pendants hanging from her bracelet, a simple detail that caught him off guard. Two crossed swords and a demonic head, he understood well what they meant; they were some of the symbols of the League of Assassins, the third was a simple "T" surrounded by a moon. He shouldn’t have been surprised, Talia was a possessive woman and he knew that the "T" was her way of marking property.
"Her name is Y/n," he heard Dick say after a long time.
You noticed how this man's eyes went dark while he watched you and couldn’t help but shrink back on the sofa. It was impossible to hold his gaze, and you began to feel ashamed of being stared at for so long.
"Y/n, this is Bruce Wayne."
"What do you want?" That came out ruder than he intended, but his aversion to the League of Assassins stirred a certain anger. The idea that this could all be a trap crossed his mind. You might be young and exude innocence, but you must have enough understanding to participate in their malicious plans.
"I just wanted to see my brother," you said with sadness in your voice, questioning yourself if this whole situation was worth it. Bruce knew the best way to confirm if this was all true would be by his son’s word, but the signs were so explicit that it might not even be necessary.
You don’t look anything like her, at least at first glance, but you wore her favorite colors and clothes so perfectly matched that no girl your age could choose yet, exactly to Talia's taste and with the appropriate youthful touch for your age. The pendants, the cut of your hair, literally everything had her touch. It was impossible for anyone to convince him otherwise.
"Go get Damian." He said, and Dick understood that the message was for him. Bruce needed to make sure you were telling the truth, or at least needed to make sure you weren’t dangerous. This could still be a League scheme or some plot by your mother.
"Can I see him?" Your voice was the loudest you had spoken that night. The excitement was clear, and it was so much that irrationally you stood up to follow Dick, but a calloused hand suddenly wrapped around your torso and stopped you, making your back hit a slightly prominent belly. You looked up and saw the old man again, his expression was not happy, and you realized it was directed at Mr. Wayne, who had an arm extended towards you but that never managed to touch you.
Like his face, his arm was tense, with visible veins and contracted tendons. You didn't know what his intentions were, but by the way the old man grabbed you to prevent him from laying hands on you, maybe he wasn't as good as he or Dick. It was a very scary sight., making you feel that this man could be dangerous. Trusting the old man, you turned to hug him, hiding as much as possible. Mr. Wayne’s aura was dark, very unfriendly, but you still saw how he recoiled with his face displaying a certain sense of regret.
Dick noticed Alfred's sudden movement behind him before he could leave the room. He glanced at their faces and for a moment considered whether it would be appropriate to turn back and mention the conversation he had with you to the butler in secret, but then his eyebrows furrowed thinking of Damian. Maybe he should confront the little demon first.
"Don’t do anything stupid, Bruce." Dick thought.
Frantically he knocked on the boy’s door. One, two, three, four times until he lost count. At no point did he hear any noise inside, so he began to turn the doorknob, only to find it was locked.
"Of course he’d lock it, that brat..."
"What are you doing?" Suddenly Tim's bedroom door behind him opened abruptly, making a sliver of light from inside illuminate the opposite wall. He was obviously irritated at being woken up but still had that tone of seriousness he carried most of the time.
"Where's his room key?" Dick completely ignored his brother's attitude.
"Forget it. I heard him sneak out to patrol again." Tim's voice sounded tired.
"And you let him?!" Dick snapped but reminded himself to contain it, remembering that Jason was sleeping in one of the rooms in that wing and that you three downstairs might hear the commotion. "Why didn’t you stop him?"
"And what good would it do? That boy is too stubborn." Tim tried to defend himself. "Besides, I have his location right here. He’ll be fine." He opened the door a bit more to show one of his computer monitors tracking the trajectory and heart signals of a green dot on the streets of Gotham City.
Dick looked both ways down the hallway before pushing Tim back into his room and closing the door.
"Hey, what's this? Why are you acting so weird?" Tim was startled by Dick's unusual behavior, feeling anxious as he watched him go to the computer to check Damian's exact location, observing the dot on the screen moving. Dick pressed a button, likely an emergency notification to get Damian to return home. Then he turned to Tim, gripping his shoulders and looking at him with intense seriousness.
"Tim, what I'm about to tell you might be a lot to take in, and I need you to try to understand as much as possible." Dick pointed a finger in his face, waiting for confirmation.
"You're scaring me like this. What the hell happened?"
"No questions and no interruptions! Understood?" Dick's tone was authoritative, stepping back only when he saw Tim nodding affirmatively.
"Why the hell is everyone awake downstairs? Did someone die or something?" Jason barged into Tim's room without ceremony, trying to make a joke, but when he saw the ghostly expressions on their faces, he quickly shut the door again, this time with him inside the room. "My God," he exclaimed in shock. "Can I join in on your little secret?" he asked ironically.
"Did you see the girl?" Dick asked Jason nervously, with a certain expectation.
"Yeah. I saw a girl with Bruce and Alfred. But they didn't see me, since I went back upstairs. The mood down there is pretty tense." Jason threw himself on the bed, making the mattress bounce and Tim frown in displeasure. "I think Alfred is going to give him a lecture afterwards."
"She's Bruce's daughter."
Jason propped himself up on his elbows, and Tim had to sit in the computer chair. His mouth formed a perfect 'O' as he struggled to believe Dick's words.
"With who this time?" Jason seemed to be reacting better than Tim to the news, even letting out a light laugh. It was a typical, caustic Jason response.
"That's not all." Dick ignored his comment. "She said she's Damian's twin."
Tim let out a short whistle, processing the idea like a complex calculation. "Tell this story from the beginning, Dick. Why did she show up now?" He finally managed to rejoin the conversation. It took a while for the shock to pass, but now he had his usual rational demeanor.
Dick rubbed his hands over his face, trying to recount the night and organize the information. "Apparently, she doesn't even know Bruce is her father. And he doesn't know about it either."
"Damian also never mentioned having a sister."
"Damn. Hiding one kid for a decade is something, but two?" Jason stared at the floor as if it were the most interesting thing in the world, a strange sensation taking over the room. But seeing the melancholic expression on Dick's face, his curiosity grew even more. "What else do you know, huh Dick?" He questioned him, sensing there was something much deeper behind this, and his brother just gave him an enigmatic look.
"She said she came here to see Damian. That she found out where he was because of a letter he wrote to Talia..." Dick suddenly froze, pulling a little box from his pocket as if it were a dangerous bomb. "While we were talking, she said a man had helped her get here. He gave her a map and asked her to deliver a present to Bruce, but she gave it to me to deliver." He handed the beige little box to the two, but it was Tim who took it.
Whatever it was, it was very well wrapped.
"Is it right to open it?" Tim asked. "I mean, it's for Bruce, isn't it?"
"I already opened it." Dick said bluntly. "I thought it might be a trap, I was careful."
"Give it here." Jason took the small box from Tim's hands. It was the same size as an engagement ring box, perfect for carrying in a pocket. He pulled the lid off and took out a card, freezing when he read it.
"What does it say?" Tim was curious, taking the card from his hands and reading it out loud:
'I sent your daughter home as a demonstration of my benevolence. Merry Christmas, Batman. Signed, H.S.’
"Holy shit," Jason exclaimed, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "That bastard figured out Batman's identity."
"Even worse: he knew about her before we did." Tim added reflectively, his voice barely a whisper. "That means he knows much more than just Batman's identity. He might know other things, including our identities. He probably suspects we are also vigilantes."
"I want to hear the whole story properly." Jason's intensely serious voice broke the silence that had settled in the room, determined to fully understand the appearance of this girl and how she got involved with Hugo Strange.
Dick took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before speaking. "Alright, here it is. Minutes ago, Alfred and I woke up because a girl showed up at the manor claiming to be Damian's sister. She told me that she had a map of Gotham and a letter addressed to Talia from Damian. Alfred brought Bruce to her, and then I went upstairs to call Damian, but I discovered that he's out on patrol. And now we're here."
Tim interrupted, "Wait, so Damian's been in contact with Talia and didn't tell us?"
"That's what it seems like," Dick confirmed, rubbing his temples. "The girl didn't even know Bruce was her father. She mentioned that a man helped her get here and gave her a map along with a present for Bruce."
Jason leaned forward even more. "And this man was Hugo Strange."
"Not xactly, he could have sent someone else." Dick nodded. "The present was that card. Strange knows about her and about Bruce being Batman. He sent her here as some twisted gift."
Tim, processing the information, asked, "Did she say anything about why Strange would do this? What does he gain from sending her here?"
"She didn't seem to know much about Strange's intentions," Dick replied. "She just wanted to see Damian. But it’s clear that Strange knows a lot more than he's letting on. He must have some larger plan in mind."
Jason clenched his fists, his anger palpable. "So, this girl is just a pawn in his game. We need to figure out what his endgame is."
"Agreed," Dick said. "But first, we need to make sure she's safe and find out everything she knows. We also need to talk to Damian and see what tell us about all this."
Tim nodded, adding, "And we have to stay vigilant. If Strange knows this much, we can't underestimate him. He could have more moves planned."
Jason stood up, his determination evident. "We need to get to the bottom of this before anyone gets hurt."
"But what about Talia? Did she just let her daughter go out there, be deceived by a stranger, and then simply come here?" Tim pointed out. "And you, Dick? Are you going to tell Bruce?"
Suddenly, the sound of someone tapping on the window glass was heard. The three brothers turned their heads to see Damian, clad in his Robin attire, asking to come in. "Open up already, you idiots."
Tag list:
@lafrone @sylum @mileskisser @belowbreadcrumbs @riddle-me-im-sirius
@rafa-the-beautiful @shehrazadekey @fairuzwhat @bedeater @arianapjs
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@spideybv28 @faimmm @formula-space @cherry-peach-flavored
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@nebuluma
Credits for the divider: @cafekitsune
#imagine#x reader#angst#batman#batsis#batfam#batfamily#bruce wayne#damian wayne#dick grayson#sister reader#daughter reader#child reader#bruce wayne x reader#bruce wayne x you#bruce wayne imagine#bruce wayne x daughter!reader#damian wayne x reader#damian wayne x sister reader#batman x reader#batman x daughter reader#batfam x batsis
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Visiting Day
The heat is sweltering. The smell is nauseating.
Welcome to District Twelve.
Coriolanus stands tall though, taller than all the other men around him as one of their sergeant's drones on and on about how to behave today.
Because today is a special day.
It’s visiting day.
Coriolanus has been counting down the days until visiting day until he gets to see her again, have her in his arms.
When entering his second year at the University, he was prepared to be faced with exams, stuck-up professors, and of course, the many social events that he’d be expected to attend. What he was not prepared for was the opportunity given to a select ten male students to serve as “temporary Peacekeepers” for five months.
The idea of becoming a Peacekeeper, a public servant disgusted Coriolanus when he received the letter asking him to attend a meeting that would offer more explanation. Thankfully, Soarynn managed to persuade him to attend the meeting and that was where he learned that he wouldn’t really be seen or treated as a Peacekeeper
“You’ll have the authority of a sergeant,” one of their professors had explained. Professor Glass was the man who headed this program and further explained that they’d spend five months in one of the twelve Districts to learn and observe the Peacekeeper bases and report back their findings.
“We need to find the lapses in the system,” he had told them, “and we feel that we can count on you to do that for us considering you’re trusted Capitol citizens who love your country.”
Coriolanus hadn’t been thrilled by the idea of being stuck in one of the Districts for five months, but when the promise of extra credits and a diploma was presented, he accepted.
He just never expected to be stuck in District Twelve.
It hasn’t been bad for the most part. The food is utterly boring and dull and Coriolanus often finds himself longing for the foods he took for granted in the Capitol.
He and the other Capitol students who accepted the offer were also given special privileges as promised. Private sleeping quarters and showers, passes to go into town whenever they pleased and they could go unescorted.
For the most part, they sat inside and did paperwork. But they were able to observe how the other Peacekeepers went about their day, the tasks they performed. They had two months left and Coriolanus couldn’t wait to get the hell out of here. Even in October, it was still hot and he was sick of the bugs and the smell.
“I know you all are eager for your little reunions,” the sergeant continues as he paces back and forth in front of them, “but do not forget that you are to serve as examples for the rest of the men. That means maintaining a decent composure. Decorum!”
They all slightly jump at the last word and Coriolanus looks to his left to find Festus Creed trying to hide a smile. Festus widens his eyes at Coriolanus and mouths, “decorum,” in a teasing manner.
Coriolanus grins and shakes his head. He knows they’re all as eager as he is to see their loved ones descend from the train and make their way to the base. Most of the boys are without a girlfriend and are expecting family. Coriolanus being without any living family is only expecting his girlfriend.
Soarynn.
How long has it been since she’s been in his arms? Smiled up at him when he complimented her? Laughed when he told a joke?
Too long in his opinion.
Soarynn was mildly apprehensive about this five-month program once he told her all the new details about it. They’ve never been apart like this and Coriolanus would be lying if he said that it wasn’t taking a toll on him. They wrote to each other every week but letters could only do so much.
He was just itching to see her again.
The sergeant continues listing out rules for them to follow during this visitation. “No taking your visitors off the base, I can’t afford any casualties or run-ins with the locals. Too much paperwork,” the man says with a shake of his head, “you’ll have six hours with your visitors. I expect them all to be back at the station at six o’clock sharp. No exceptions.”
Six hours seems like a joke to Coriolanus who is so used to living with his girlfriend, but he’ll take what he can get at this point. The sound of several trucks pulling up alerts all of them and they all stare at one of the buildings where several figures can be seen moving inside through the tinted windows.
Another group of Peacekeepers march past them in formation, momentarily blocking his view of the building. By the time all the men have cleared, he can see the group of visitors all surrounding one of the Commanders, Commander Hoff who seems to be giving a tour of sorts.
Coriolanus highly doubts that any of these families give a fuck about the base but they all nod their heads and do their best to look interested. It’s a stark contrast to see how the Capitol folk are dressed compared to those who are District.
Despite the heat, most men are wearing button-ups and trousers and a few are sporting suit jackets as well. All the ladies are dressed in expensive dresses and high heels, flaunting jewelry and handbags.
Coriolanus cranes his neck to try and see Soarynn but she’s out of his sight. She’s on the shorter side but he was hoping she might try to see him early on. He wonders how the train ride was for her if she was comfortable and well taken care of.
He heard a few snickers and looks over at the group of Peacekeepers who had just marched past them who are now watching the group of visitors, amused looks on their faces. All of these men are District-born scum who Coriolanus does his best to avoid. Even though they’ve sworn to defend and serve the Capitol, Coriolanus doesn’t trust them.
They’re District. Simple as that.
One look at his fellow classmates tells him that they all feel the same way about their newfound audience. They want these men as far away from their families as possible. But they can’t move, can’t do anything about it. Coriolanus will have to wait for Soarynn to reach him, to touch him, and relieve him from his post.
It’s almost torturous.
Finally, Hoff finishes his spiel about who knows what and begins leading the visitors towards them. Coriolanus straightens up, quickly glancing over his uniform to make sure he’s presentable. All ten of the University students were given different uniforms to wear during their time in Twelve to help the leaders differentiate them from the lowly Peacekeepers.
His uniform is black, the lines and edges crisp and freshly washed. His boots are freshly shined and his face has been shaved and washed for today.
He’s so ready.
Then, he sees her. Nearing the back of the group but he’d recognize that blonde head of hair anywhere. She’s walking with the Creeds, no surprise there. All their parents grew up with one another, but only so many survived the war. Still, the remaining survivors look after their friend’s children in many ways, which includes allowing a young woman to walk with them toward a much-awaited reunion.
That was probably the worst part about all of this, leaving Soarynn behind, leaving her alone.
She has her cat Petunia but it’s not the same and they both know that.
He can see that Soarynn despite the weather and location has dressed to impress. She’s wearing a white dress with a straight neckline and short sleeves. The dress cinches at the waist and slightly fans out, accentuating her figure and her legs. She has a coat on as well, perfectly matching the color of her dress despite the rather hot weather. For shoes, she’s chosen a bold route, sporting white high heels to match her white leather handbag. He remembers gifting her that bag, how excited she had been about it.
Her hair is styled to perfection in a side part with large, bouncy waves. Coriolanus believes it’s what the ladies call “a blow-out.” Whatever that means.
She’s a sight for sore eyes his girl.
He watches as families reunite with their sons, wrapping them in loving embraces. Some mothers are crying while others fuss over their sons who will always be their baby boys. The fathers are more reserved but Coriolanus can see how proud they are of their sons.
Mrs. Creed reaches Festus first and nearly breaks his ribs in a motherly embrace and Festus lets out a sound of slight discomfort as he returns his mother’s hug.
But Coriolanus and his attention are quickly drawn to the stunning young woman who is making her way to him at a rapid pace. Soarynn Nightingale is a picture of Capitol sophistication. She never follows trends and yet always seems to be ahead of them. She never gossips but knows everything about everyone. She’s a stellar student who also manages to attend all social events without fail. And despite being orphaned at a young age, she’s very well-mannered.
All those manners fly out the window as she begins to run towards him with a big smile on her face. Coriolanus can’t help but smile back and open his arms as Soarynn flies into them, letting out a squeal.
Coriolanus wraps his arms around her instantly and suddenly he feels whole again. Like a piece of him has been missing this entire time and now he has it again. He buries his nose in her neck, inhaling that sweet scent of vanilla that he now only catches whiffs of from the letters she sends to him.
He lets out a deep sigh and tightens his hold on Soarynn as if he’s never going to let her go. And he doesn’t plan on it for the next six hours.
When they finally pull away from the hug he almost melts looking into her blue-gray eyes. They’re so dazzling. She’s still smiling and looking at him as if he’s the greatest thing in the world, “Coryo,” she breathes and it’s enough for him to crash his lips onto hers.
They earn themselves a few whistles for the rather public display of affection. Their Capitol friends are used to them being a couple, always being seen together but Coriolanus is selective on the type of affection he shows to Soarynn in public.
Kisses on cheeks, holding hands, fetching her a new glass of champagne. It’s the little things that let other men know exactly who she belongs to without having to try too hard. And Soarynn is the same way when it comes to being in public. Grabbing his arm as they walk through museum halls, always staying by his side, carrying his mints in her purse.
They’re perfect together.
“I’ve missed you, my love,” he says against her lips. Soarynn sighs into the kiss and it’s enough to let him know that she returns the sentiment.
Neither of them make any attempt to break away from the kiss, after the past two and a half months, they deserve to be as touchy as they’re being right now. “Coryo,” she sighs, “I’ve been waiting so long for this moment.” His arms tighten around her waist when he hears those words, hears that she’s missed him as much as he’s missed her.
“Why don’t we go somewhere more private hmm?” He suggests, thinking of his private sleeping quarters. Soarynn pulls away from the kiss and nods eagerly, “Yes, I’d like that very much.”
꧁ ꧂
“It’s not much, but it’s better than sleeping in the barracks,” he tells her as he unlocks the door to his small sleeping quarters. It’s a shack to put it plainly. With a single twin bed pushed against the left wall and a dresser sitting at the foot of the bed. Against the right wall sits a desk and chair and on the back wall is a single door that leads to the most basic bathroom one can imagine.
Still, it’s private.
Soarynn doesn’t let go of his hand while he unlocks the door, nor does she comment on the barren room he sleeps in every night. A few of his friends had decorated their quarters with photos but Coriolanus hadn’t bothered. Not when he’d be leaving soon.
The bed is perfectly made with the sheets pulled tightly. There’s truly not a speck of dust in this room which is quite something compared to Festus Creed’s sleeping quarters. Coriolanus wouldn’t be surprised if Festus had a rat infestation.
“It’s very you,” Soarynn decides as they step in, closing and locking the door behind her. He grins down at her, “Is it very me because it's neat or because there’s no decorations?” One thing he’s learned about Soarynn is that she appreciates a good piece of decoration. She’s completely transformed the penthouse since she moved in and if she had her way, she’d do the same to this small room.
She gives him a sheepish smile, “Perhaps. Although I do recall sending you several photographs of Petunia that you could’ve hung up on your wall.”
Coriolanus knows he would be the laughingstock of District Twelve if he had pictures of his girlfriend’s cat on his wall. Even if Petunia is quite the cute feline. He scratches the back of his neck, “Well, I didn’t want them to get ruined, darling. The humidity could’ve caused the edges to curl.” Soarynn laughs and he knows he’s caught but she doesn’t seem upset. She stands on her tiptoes and presses a kiss to his cheek, “It’s your room, not mine.”
She has a point.
He looks down at his girlfriend and it seems he’s forgotten how beautiful she really is. With her tan skin with freckles and her soft pink lips. “How was the train ride?”
Soarynn shrugs, “It was fine. I mostly spoke with all the other families on the way here. It only took a bit over a day to arrive here surprisingly, so we arrived this morning which gave me some time to get ready.”
Coriolanus has no shame as he truly drinks Soarynn in. With her blonde hair perfectly curled, and her white dress with an open back which is perfect for ventilation on a hot day like today now that she's taken off her coat. For jewelry she’s gone with the golden rose pendant necklace he got her last year for their anniversary. Her fingers are adorned with several other gold rings that would cost a small fortune here in District Twelve.
Coriolanus tightens his grip on her hand as he thinks about how eager the District folk must be to get their hands on any unsuspecting Capitol citizen who’s paying a visit today. He can picture his sweet, innocent girlfriend being attacked on the way back to the station, ransacked for all her jewelry.
“Were you escorted from the train station?” He asks, and Soarynn nods, giving his hand a small squeeze, “Yes darling. We were kept perfectly safe.”
He wants to point out that nowhere is safe as long as they’re outside of the Capitol’s borders, but he doesn’t want to ruin their reunion. He glances over at his bed, speaking of…reunion.
“Did you miss me?” Soarynn rolls her eyes at his question and lets go of his hand, walking over to his small bed which is a joke compared to their bed in the Capitol, “Did I miss your big ego and your self-obsessed questions? Hmm, let me think about that,” she teases before sitting on the edge of the bed.
Coriolanus grins and watches her kick off her heels, "Did you miss me?" She counters, batting her lashes up at him like the little vixen she is. He takes his time walking over to her, enjoying how she squirms with anticipation.
It's been a long time since they've been together, too long in his opinion. And Coriolanus plans on making the most of their six hours together. He stops right in front of her and slowly sinks to his knees, watching Soarynn's eyes adopt a more sultry look. He gently takes hold of her foot, noting how each little toe has a fresh layer of white polish on them. Even her feet are perfect.
He presses a soft kiss to the top of her foot before pressing another kiss to her calve, slowly working his way up her leg. Her eyes never leave his as he so happily kneels in front of the woman he loves, the woman he would devote his entire life to if she asked him to do so.
By the time he reaches her inner thigh, they're both ridden with sexual tension and Soarynn takes hold of his golden curls and yanks his head up to meet her in a passionate kiss. He groans into the kiss, sliding a hand up her thigh and under her dress to find her panties already soaked.
Soarynn moans into the kiss and bucks into his hand when his fingers graze her folds, "Please," she gasps. Coriolanus smirks and brings his other hand to the back of her dress where the zipper is located, "Help me take this off, darling."
It's comical how fast Soarynn's fingers work to unzip the dress. She lifts her hips from the bed momentarily so he can slip it over her arms and toss it somewhere behind her. Coriolanus knows she has to leave this base looking somewhat decent. It would be terribly awkward for her to board the train looking like a disheveled mess.
His breath hitches in his throat when he sees her dressed in a matching set of lingerie. A white bralette with intricate lace detailing and her panties have the same fabric and pattern, with a little bow in the front. How adorable.
Coriolanus really just wants to rip her panties in half but again, she must look presentable when going back home so he settles for carefully taking them off and swearing under his breath when he sees her cunt for the first time since he left the Capitol.
She's absolutely soaked and Coriolanus is fucking starving. He grabs both her thighs and holds them apart as far as they'll go before diving in to taste her wetness, lapping at her clit and folds. Soarynn lets out a loud moan and her hand finds his curls once again, tugging on them while she whimpers. "Oh Coryo, please, right there, yes, yes, yes, please."
He wishes he could just keep her here in his pocket, that he could have Soarynn whenever he wanted, hold her whenever he wanted. Two months seems like an eternity right now.
He sucks on her clit hard and that has Soarynn squealing, her thighs nearly crushing his head but he'd happily die buried between her legs. "I'm close," Soarynn moans. Coriolanus looks up from her cunt to see the absolute vision Soarynn Nightingale is when she feels good. Her head is thrown back, her breasts are nearly spilling out of her bralette, and her skin smells like vanilla.
"Cum for me darling," he says against her cunt, his tongue delving inside to taste more of her sweetness. Soarynn whines and grinds her cunt into him, riding his face essentially. It's so fucking erotic and nasty that Coriolanus has a big, growing problem in his pants.
One final lick on her clit sends Soarynn into an orgasmic spiral and his name tumbles out of her mouth like a prayer.
Coriolanus stays down there until all he hears are soft whimpers, and he presses one final kiss to her cunt before rising up onto his feet to find Soarynn splayed out on his bed, her blonde hair creating a crown almost above her head. He cocks his head and steps between her spread legs, watching her pant as she tries to catch her breath, "So did you miss me?"
꧁ ꧂
Soarynn's giggles against his chest make Coriolanus want to hold her tighter against him. They're curled up on his small twin bed, both naked and sweaty, she'll probably have to take a shower before they leave this room. He presses a kiss to her temple, "What's that giggle about hmm?"
Soarynn props her head on his chest, those dazzling eyes catching him off guard once again. He's truly forgotten how beautiful she is. Perhaps he's taken his sweet, adoring girlfriend for granted all these years. The past few months away from each other have done him some good in appreciating all that Soarynn is to him.
"Your feet hang off the end of the bed," she says with another giggle. Coriolanus slightly sits up to see that his feet do in fact, slightly dangle off the edge of the twin bed. He rolls his eyes and settles back down on his pillow, running a loving hand over her hair, "Well most Peacekeepers aren't as tall as I am darling," he reminds her.
Coriolanus is more than proud of his height. Six feet and two inches to be precise. He loves it even more when he's with Soarynn. Loves how he can scoop her up, reach to grab things for her, to always be taller than her even when she's in heels.
"Well you're certainly the strongest Peacekeeper," Soarynn tells him, "you've gotten so much bigger since I last saw you." Her words stroke his ego and he smiles, the training he's been doing since arriving in Twelve has helped define his physique even more, giving him larger muscles. "Thank you. It's definitely been more physical than I anticipated," he admits. It's a good thing he exercised daily when living in the Capitol.
Soarynn tilts her head the same way Petunia does when she's curious about something, "In what way?" She asks. Coriolanus bites his inner cheek as he thinks, "Well, the training is quite demanding. We have to do a certain number of pushups, pull-ups, things like that."
Soarynn shakes her head, "I'd never last in the military."
Coriolanus takes a moment to look at her small frame. Soarynn is lean, she's around five feet and six inches but she's well-toned for a girl her age. She does these workout classes with her friends and they look torturous in his opinion. There are strange machines and it seems that everyone who does these classes is as flexible as can be, including Soarynn. Overall she's very fit, more than most of her friends but she most likely would get her ass handed to her after a day of Peacekeeper training.
"Well drop down and give me twenty," he says, watching her face morph from one of amusement to one of confusion. He nods at her, "You heard me private, drop down and give me twenty."
Soarynn raises her eyebrows but humors him and slowly peels her body off of his, giving him quite the view of her naked form before she stands up, stretching her arms into the air, "Do all of you Peacekeepers train naked?" She teases, “Or is it just me?”
Coriolanus rolls his eyes and does his best not to imagine having the train naked with other men. It would be traumatizing, to say the least.
“Just you,” he replies, “since you’re so special.”
Soarynn rolls her eyes and her eyes land on the desk next to her and the single drawer it possesses. Soarynn is a curious creature by nature and Coriolanus doesn’t even bother to stop her as she pulls the drawer open, letting out an excited gasp when she sees the drawer's contents.
All of the letters she’s written him.
“Oh, Coryo you kept them!”
He nods, watching as she rifles through the thick stack of letters he’s received from her. Coriolanus does his best to write her at least twice a week but it feels as if he receives a letter from her every single day, and there is almost always a picture of her and Petunia included.
“Of course I did,” he replies, “I look forward to reading them every day darling.”
It helps that Soarynn seems to have a passion for writing and can be rather lengthy and descriptive in her letters, informing him of the latest gossip and Capitol news. She’s been his little spy in a way.
“I enjoy reading yours as well,” she mumbles, flipping through several pages of her handwriting, “do the other boys get letters?”
Not as many as I do, he thinks to himself.
“They do. But mostly from their mothers.”
He’s seen the letters his friends have received and they’re all along the same lines of their mothers worrying themselves to death about their precious baby boys. “Be so careful my darling boy, blah, blah, blah.”
They usually receive letters right before dinner so they often read them out loud to each other in the mess hall and exchange any new forms of gossip they’ve found out. The boys always look forward to Soarynn’s since she actually provides useful information rather than someone’s mother talking about her lady's luncheon.
Soarynn hums and carefully places the letters back in the drawer and pulls out a few photographs that he brought with him. They’re all of her of course, Coriolanus knew he’d need something pretty to look at while being stuck in this hellhole.
Soarynn smiles softly at the photographs and traces her finger along a particular one, “Which one is that?” Coriolanus asks, sitting up in the bed. Soarynn steps over to him and sits on the edge of the bed, allowing him to hook his chin over her shoulder, “It’s the one we took after graduation.”
Coriolanus scans over the photograph and remembers that day well. It had been quite the celebration for them once they graduated from the Academy. The photograph shows the two of them in their cap and gowns, both smiling brightly at each other while holding their diplomas. “I like that one,” he finally says.
They both sit in silence for a moment, naked yet fully equal with one another. Coriolanus doesn’t know how he’s going to watch her leave, watch her walk away. How did she do it when he left?
He hadn’t been prepared to be the one being left behind this time.
“I wish you could stay forever,” he mumbles, pressing kisses to her shoulder. Soarynn sighs softly and takes his large hand in her small one, “I know. But we only have two more months. The worst of it is over.”
Coriolanus wants to point out that he is the one suffering from the worst of it but he knows that Soarynn has suffered too, just in different ways. “I’ve been terribly lonely without you,” she adds.
Coriolanus frowns against her skin, “But you have your friends, darling,” he points out. She also has her classes and events to attend. Soarynn shakes her head, “It’s not the same. You’re my family Coryo, you’re…you’re a part of me that I require to be complete.”
His heart swells at her words. They’ve both been dealt a shitty card when it comes to their families, both dead from the war leaving the two of them orphaned. But they found each other, built their own little family.
“I know darling. We’ll be together soon,” he promised, wrapping his arm around her waist, “and until then we can keep writing letters. And Petunia is family too isn’t she?” He hates to give the cat any credit but she’s a loyal pet to Soarynn.
Soarynn leans back against him and it feels so good to have her in his arms again. He knows that he should show her around the base, introduce her to people. But Coriolanus Snow is often a selfish man and for the next few hours, he wants her all to himself.
꧁ ꧂
"I think it looks attractive."
Soarynn scowls at his words as she stares at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She's attempting to make herself look somewhat presentable before leaving to go back home to the Capitol but after a few more rounds, her hair is a mess. "I think it looks horrendous," she retorts, letting his eyes in the mirror's reflection.
He can't stop the boyish grin from spreading across his face as he watches her fuss in the mirror. The bathroom is far too small for the two of them but they made it work and Coriolanus even managed to slip into the shower with her. "Just put it up darling, no one's going to notice." He knows how much Soarynn cares about her outward appearance and he would too but he also thinks it's somewhat adorable at how worked up she is about all of this.
Soarynn looks around the sparse bathroom which includes a toilet, a sink, and a shower, all within reaching distance of one another. "Do you miss our bathroom at home?" He doesn't hesitate to answer her question, "Yes."
Coriolanus misses a lot of things. He misses his large bathroom with its big shower. He misses his comfortable king-sized bed with the fluffy pillows and thick duvet. He misses his living room and kitchen where he used to host parties. He misses Soarynn most of all.
Soarynn smiles and shakes her head, "You were spoiled in the Capitol." She says that like it's his fault for being born in the greatest city of Panem. He wouldn't have it any other way though. He looks down at his wristwatch and frowns, she has to leave soon, very soon.
He's going to miss his girl so much. Just seeing her in his room has brightened everything up. How will he ever be able to look at his bed without picturing her in it? See his mirror without seeing her staring at her reflection?
"I'm going to miss you," he tells her, his voice slightly hoarse. Soarynn's face softens and she turns to look at him directly, "I know darling. But...but we'll be together again soon, I promise." Neither of them hesitates to pull one another into an embrace, skin on skin.
He buries his nose in her soft hair, smelling the sweet scent of vanilla for the last time. When he comes home he's going to marry this girl, he knows that much.
꧁ ꧂
They both hold onto each other's hands tightly as they approach the train station. Coriolanus managed to convince Hoff to let him escort Soarynn to the train and he's cherished every second he's had with her since they set off for town.
"It's certainly...different here," Soarynn decides. Coriolanus nods, ignoring the looks they get from the locals, "Yes it is."
Part of him wants to jump onto the train with her and go back home but then he'd be deserting his fellow Peacekeepers, and that could count for treason. He'll just have to stick it out for two more months. Sixty days. Hell on earth.
They come to a stop in front of the door Soarynn will step through, separating them once again. "I love you," Soarynn says, looking up at him. She looks so beautiful. Her dress doesn't look too wrinkled and her hair is styled in a fashionable updo, and she can always say that she put it up because of the heat if anyone questions her.
Coriolanus offers her a small smile, "I love you too darling, with all my heart and soul." Soarynn sniffles and Coriolanus pulls her in for a hug, wrapping his strong arms around her one last time, "Promise you'll keep writing to me," she whispers. He nods even though she can't see him, "Of course I will. And promise me that you'll try to enjoy yourself while I'm away. Have a little bit of fun."
Soarynn lets out a dry laugh but he hopes his wishes for her to enjoy herself come true. He doesn't want her running around the Capitol streets at night, but he also doesn't want her cooped up in the apartment either.
They stay like that until the sharp whistle of the train reminds them that one of them will be leaving soon. "I love you Soarynn, don't forget that," he tells her, cupping her face in his hands. Soarynn looks up at him and there's a hint of tears in her eyes, just like the first time they said goodbye.
"I love you too Coryo. Please take care of yourself darling, come back to me safe and sound." He presses a kiss to her lips to show her that he intends to return to her in one piece, ready to spend the rest of his life with her.
Another whistle lets them know it's now or never. Should Soarynn miss this train Coriolanus wouldn't know what to do with her, where to put her. District Twelve only gets a certain number of shipments a month and he wouldn't be able to guarantee when the next train would come.
It's time to say goodbye.
"I'll see you soon darling," he promises, giving her forehead a kiss, "and when I do, I have every intention of marrying you and making you Mrs. Snow."
The smile on Soarynn's face makes saying goodbye all worth it.
She gives him one final kiss before hopping onto the train, waving goodbye through the window as it pulls away from the station.
꧁ ꧂
One Week Later
Dear Coryo,
Mrs. Snow does have a nice ring to it.
Love, Soarynn
| tumblr oneshot/drabble |
#slaymitchabernathy#coriolanus fanfiction#hunger games#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#the hunger games#ao3 fanfic#coriolanus snow#soarynn snow#wattpad#coriolanus smut#coriolanus x soarynn#soarynn nightingale#coriolanus x oc#oc#original character#coriolanus imagine#coriolanus oneshot#coriolanus fic#oneshot#staywithmealways#stay with me always#ao3#coriolanus drabble#drabble#coriolanus x festus creed#peacekeeper coriolanus snow
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Dear Comrade is one of the better non-gay late Mash episodes and generally pretty satisfying
The A plot with the army's doctors not knowing jack about the rash but Kwang's local remedy working perfectly was good overall in the point it makes. A little too much 'ew foreign goo' lol, but yk for a 70s sitcom it's solid. Kind of ridiculous that they didn't ask any Koreans themselves, but since Kwang points out their ridiculous ignorance in the narration, it works.
Loved Hawkeye's howitzer B plot, as always Hawkeye's attitude towards guns fills me with joy and his vibes were excellent. BJ coming up with the cement idea was a nice moment for him, and we have another example of BJ's mechanical knowledge at work when he dismantles it and removes the firing mechanism. Taking "do I turn it this way or this way" in Patent 4077 as a joke, I think it's more established than not that BJ is adept at mechanical tasks, with him being unable to do anything in The Bus as an outlier.
That moment where Mulcahy holds up his crucifix and says "See? Good guy!" to a North Korean patient who thinks Mulcahy is poisoning him is very obnoxious on Mulcahy's part, but on the narrative's part it's not as bad because the patient still doesn't trust him lol and Mulcahy still needs to taste the food first. Still not great since we're meant to see it as a cute naive Mulcahy moment, but I do love the narrative being firmly on the North Koreans' side.
And yeah in that vein, just in general I always enjoy when Mash depicts the North Koreans as not just people, but likeable, correct, and often better people than the Americans. Kwang's narration is fun and always fair lol, we're meant to essentially agree with him and his assessment of the Americans throughout rather than thinking he's mean and biased. Like the way his rote 'capitalist pig' style insult is reserved for Charles - who can argue with that? He's right that the Americans are idiots for coming to Korea without knowing a thing about it, like, Hawkeye has made comments along those lines many times too. etc.
The scene where he gets a commendation for curing the rash is also kind of great - it could've easily felt pro-army, yk like they do the right thing and acknowledge the little guy, but the joke felt like it was firmly on uncle sam for unknowingly saluting an enemy spy, and on the war itself for being fought when both sides can get along so well and easily help each other on a personal level.
Honestly I love Mash for having episodes where North Koreans attempting to sabotage the US military are framed lightheartedly and positively - the other one I'm thinking of is the subplot in The Korean Surgeon where a couple of North Koreans steal medical supplies successfully and the joke is firmly on Frank. Great vibes.
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man i love playing minecraft
#it’s rlly nice. ik i keep talking about it but i’m just very into it rn#my world is rlly cute and cool#and i still have so many ideas and tasks to do#anyways. need to focus a little here#tomorrow i gotta make some emails and check some stuff out#and SHOWER#god i’m stinky and greasy#i’ve been feeling so crazy lately i think it’s the hormones plus accidentally not taking my meds for two days lol!#i just gotta roll with it#i feel this carnal yearning in me#like i just wanna be physical with someone#could be anything. just laying or kissing or hugging or wrestling or just#exploring our bodies together like uuuggghh#i gotta make friends in college. i gotta have more physical affection with ppl or i’m gunna lose it#it’s crazy im like definitely sensitive to ppl touching me it rlly bothers me#but if it’s ppl i love i go insane#it’s like the opposite. like i wanna be In You like under ur skin bro#besides family. my family isn’t rlly touchy like we hug but that’s it#just thinking. ugh it makes me insane
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said this to oli a couple weeks ago re: the idea of alice jumping into the lake unarmed / without any tools save for photos of alan and the two of them together as a way to guide and ground her. and I have been deeply unwell about it ever since.
#ᴍᴜsᴇ; ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴ#i need to start actually writing hc posts#i have a messy doc i should clean up and start posting organized bits of...............#and icons i still gotta do that and ahhhhh#so many tasks and yet i keep rotating the same four ideas around in my brain#microwaving them#aw2 spoilers#alan wake 2 spoilers
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my stance on k/k is that the Haruhi Suzumiya novels are a charming, enjoyable genre blend of romance, sci-fi, and magical realism. Koizumi is a sparkling mixer to the heady main story as our main explicator and expositionist. He's a well-spoken narrator who verbalizes the more complex concepts at play in the stories, making them a summer cocktail rather than a stiff shot. Kyon is the trope-defining sardonic narrator who gives shape to the story and is the one to ultimately sell the Haruhi Suzumiya series to us as the reader. Between the two of them, Koizumi and Kyon tell us the story of Haruhi and they are instrumental in what we-the-audience make of events. Their dynamic between the true believer and the sceptic, the fake smile and the fake frown, the obfuscator and the denier, is great just on its own when taken at face value. I'm quite content to just read them as two characters who don't like each other very much and whose relationship is limited to mild antagonism over a girl they both love. I would do just that, if Tanigawa Nagaru wanted it. However in the year of our lord 2020, after closing the Kyon/Yuki subplot, after jossing any Kyon/Mikuru speculation, after committing fully to the Kyon/Haruhi romance in the story, he writes Koizumi having psychic foreknowledge of Kyon's measurements and expects us to make nothing of it. Huh.
#kelsey liveblogs haruhi suzumiya#genuinely i do not know what to make of the k/k in the novels. it's lampshaded multiple times by kyon as#'sorry tails if this looks gay to the viewers'/'miss me with that shit i am straight. i am straight.'#in fact it's lampshaded so often that it's impossible to read the books without being forced to have an opinion on the matter#one argument: there was a bunch of k/k shipping after the first couple novels and tanigawa got so sick of it he decided to address the fans#sure fine occam's razor most simple answer is the most likely#it's still a fact that the entire plot of the novels plays out in subtext. subtext is important in haruhi suzumiya.#hell. the main canonical romance is buried in the subtext.#therefore. for kyon and koizumi's relationship to have so many loaded moments#for those moments to continue across the books. for the idea of them liking each other to be explicitly addressed (if shot down)#AND for the cast dynamic to be a 1:1 evangelion ripoff with haruhi as asuka and koizumi as kaworu#it's hard not to read into it. it is an actual task to try and picture kyon and koizumi's dynamic without some UST
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Omg yesterday at my moms therapy I said how well I had been doing and feeling like I can actually handle life and my mom was immediately like “that’s because you’ve been taking your meds regularly again” and like completely brushed off any progress I had actually made and I had to be like yeah totally that’s it that’s why exactly when I haven’t taken my meds for a week straight in idk how long
#I was like yup totally that sure is why I’ve been feeling good totally#not at all that I’ve been spending time to do things I like and journal and process my feelings in healthy ways or that I am consciously#making strides towards regular person sanity#and she fucking brought up adhd meds again like FUCK OFFFFFFF HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DONT WANT TO TAKE THEM BEFORE IT CLICKS#I. DONT. WANT. TO. TAKE. THEM. they are a tool in MY mental health toolbox bitch back off my toolbox I know you fucking live adhd meds and#won’t shut up about them but I am happy now and I don’t like my brain on adhd meds and the only reason you want me on them is because you#like me more when I’m doing stereotypically productive tasks so you’d rather have me cleaning the house and not doing the shit I love than#you would have me not taking my meds and making art and writing poetry#like god#she just doesn’t fucking get it#I cannot create when I take adhd meds. that part of my brain just like dissolves.#the way I work is that constantly I have a million projects on the back burner in my mind and when I get inspired I make one#when I take my adhd meds I can’t just pick up a fun project I don’t get those ideas I can’t write poetry I can’t make art it’s like it sever#severs the line between my creative mind and my regular mind and I have nothing in my life that I need to be THAT focused on right now#but I have my perscruption still! like if I ever need it it’s there but that’s not your fucking decision that’s mine and you need to back#off my brain because it is a delicate fucking ecosystem up there in my head and I’m not going to fuck with anything until I have to#god. sorry. went on a bit of a rant. I am just so sick of arguing over my mom wanting to control the way I medicate myself. I am an adult#and she is not inside my brain so she needs to listen when I tell her how things affect me#she takes adhd meds like twice every day and hates the feeling of not being on them but I just don’t like them and she won’t fucking drop it#okay I am getting mad about adhd meds and my mother right before I have to be in the car with her all morning i need to relax#we’re going to psychic we’re gonna have fun#we’re not going to argue about this again.
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I’ve been poking at Arceus as a relaxing thing for a while now. I like doing things like perfecting the pokedex and trying to get my living dex of smallest pokemon and alphas both. I only have Aipom (i hate you so much just jump out of the TREES), Magnemite, Ninetails (I don’t WANT to evolve my aloha vulpix :< ), Nosepass, Rampardos, Ursaluna, and Vespiquen left to perfect.
And Volo is still waiting at the top of the mountain for me because I left him there when I started this effort to perfect the pokedex months ago lololol
Get rekt
(And then ofc I’ll have to perfect Giratina and Arceus, but that’s fine as well. I guess I have to stop putting it off SOME time.)
#personal opinions ahead#wow for a second there i completely forgot how tags worked#i think ive forgotten what tags i usually use for reblogs as well but oh well#i just dont feel like doing a dodging battle#my controllers have been acting up lately le sigh#does anyone have a favorite task grind location and why is it the magicarp pools in the highlands#easy enemies for lowlevel rotation#quick respawn with rapid weather changes#and it still took over a thousand to get a single shiny magicarp#and then suddenly boom two more#it capped at 999 so i have no idea how many i did fight#but i noticed it at 999 months ago#i suspect 2000#shiny hunting is no joke#i wasnt looking for it but i was surprised at how long it took
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I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.
Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.
Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.
Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.
I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.
He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).
First, we get this:
Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.
They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.
It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.
We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.
What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?
He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.
In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.
Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!
...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.
Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.
And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.
I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.
And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.
Meals are the privilege of the living.
#Dungeon Meshi#Delicious in Dungeon#Kabru#Kabru of Utaya#Laios Touden#Dungeon Meshi meta#you can have him in the tags too. as a treat.#Dungeon Meshi spoilers#this was directly inspired by livelaughlaios's post about Kabru self harming but I decided it got too long to make it a direct reply#this is a theory I've been working on for weeks because I kept noticing this while skimming for screencaps#I'm hesitant to trigger tag this because of the way certain subcultures on tumblr operate#but if anyone needs me to add a content warning please let me know#also I included image descriptions! I did my best#I think they even help illustrate my points but my god were they sad to write. Kabru is so fucking sad you guys#musings with Dea
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Alastor x Reader - Sleeping On His Lap
Here is my attempt at a Alastor x reader fanfiction. Took me awhile to kinda get into his character so please don't be mad if Alastor seems a bit off. Enjoy!
Sigh, it was another eventful day at the Happy Hotel, or Hazbin Hotel as it was now called as a certain deer demon decided to change the name. You had spent all day doing certain tasks around the hotel such as helping Charlie create posters for the hotel, clean the rooms with Nifty, break up the brawl between Vaggie and Angel Dust as he had pissed her off one too many times and organize the bar for Husk as he was passed out drunk. You could have refused to do these things, but you enjoyed helping people, so it made it all worth it.
You had started working at the hotel after you had saw Charlie singing on the 666 news about the hotel and redeeming demons, only for her idea to be made a laughing stock upon everyone who watched the broadcast. You actually had mixed feelings about the whole redeeming thing, seeing as you weren't sure if someone like you could be sent to heaven, despite not being a very big criminal during your time when you were alive, but apparently doing a little shoplifting is enough to send you a one way ticket to hell. Charlie's words did inspire you a little bit, so even if you felt that you couldn't be redeemed, others probably had a better chance, so you decided to head to the hotel and ask for a job after the broadcast was cut off from the brawl with Charlie and Katie Killjoy. You were hired in a split second and immediately pulled into a bear hug by Charlie, and then introduced you to the others.
Back to the present, you began to feel extremely exhausted from moving around everywhere, so you headed over to one of the rooms with the long couches so you could take a rest. Heading into one of the rooms, you peeped around and saw that no one was there, which made it better as you really needed some peace and quiet. Heaving a deep sigh, you sat down on the couch, turning and falling back, as you laid your body down, with your head facing the front of the couch. "What a long day", thinking to yourself as your eyes slowly began to close and you were lulled into a deep sleep.
**2 Hours Later**
As you were sleeping, you felt the sensation of someone petting your head, the soothing feeling had awoken you a bit, but you quickly fell back asleep at the warm touch. You could feel that you were holding something in your dreams, and you assumed it was one of the pillows on the couch, so you brought it closer to your face and nuzzled it. "Mm, smells nice ", as the scent from the pillow was making you more relaxed, as it reminded you of a being in the middle of a deep forest. After sleeping for 30 more minutes, you slowly began to open your eyes, and try to make out what was in front of you. Expecting to see a pillow, you saw red stripes in front of you, "Huh?" As you were still trying to make out what was in front of you, a loud voice interrupted your thoughts: "Ah, awake now are we?", said a static voice above you. Eyes opening wide, you looked up from your position and saw Alastor staring down at you with his trademark smile. Slowly, you began to piece together that you were laying on his lap, and nuzzled into his chest as you were sleeping. "AHHHH", jumping up from your position, you rolled off his lap, and your body fell to the ground as you stared at Alastor in shock, as he continued to look at you with his glowing eyes, amused at your reaction. "Um, h-how long was I sleeping on your lap?", you softly asked, as your face was red, but your eyes were showing fear, as you remembered that Alastor did not like to be touch, and you happened to hug him in your sleep. "HAHA, For quite a while, darling. It was a very busy day, I assume?", Alastor said as he placed his arm on the armrest of the couch, and his hand against his cheek, smiling even wider.
Nodding your head, you slowly got up from your position, and started apologizing to Alastor, eyes aiming towards the ground and fingers twiddling together. Alastor raised an eyebrow and wondered why you were apologizing, to which you answered that you had hugged him in your sleep, and that he made it very aware that he did not enjoy physical contact from someone unless he initiated it, feeling extremely bad if you made him uncomfortable. Listening to you, Alastor's smile relaxed to a small grin as he looked at you with gentle eyes. He did admit that he was not use to being touch by others, and was quite surprised from the sleep hug, but he didn't detest it as much coming from you, which boggled his mind completely. It must be due to your kind and innocent nature that made him react different around you, as he was used to more of the common riff raff being terrified of him or trying to battle in a turf war, but how you were with him, made his black heart melt.
Feeling that Alastor was upset as he didn't respond to your apology, you quickly excused yourself and began to head over to the door to leave. A loud SNAP was heard and before you knew it, you had been teleported back on to the couch, this time being seated on Alastors lap. "A-Al, what are you doing?!", your face began to become as red as his hair, while your eyes stared at Alastor in shock. Smiling at you, Alastor moved his hand to your chin and tilted your face up: "There is no need to apologize, darling. If I had been upset about you hugging me, you possibly w̩͉͍̱̍̂̉̊o̫̼̐̎̋͜u͚͌l̳̓d̠͉̗͋̔͞'̼̳̣̼͊̏̾̾t͜͝ ͕̱͐͠ḇ̅e̙͗ ͍͓͔̱͍͛̔͌͘͞a̝̜̘̎́͒ḽ͒í̱̙̈́v̧̌e̠͠ ̢̹̜́́̈̀ͅr̲͇̳̅̽͌i̩͈̒̅ĝ̲̦̎ẖ̛̳̲͙̀͌̽͘ͅt͉̅ ͖̞͍̞́̋͛͛ň͚̫̦́͂̿͟o̱͌w̡̕" he said, as his eyes flashed for a second into radio dials. "However! I am not opposed to be touched by you. So no need to apologize, my dear.", Alastor said as he continued to smile at you widely, but his glowing eyes were looking at you softly, letting you know that he was not angry with you. Feeling shy, you turned your head away from Alastor, muttering a soft okay, as your heart was beating rapidly. "Smile my dear!" Alastor said as he moved his hand from your chin to your cheek, to have you look at him again. Baring through the embarrassing situation, you gave Al a small smile, which pleased him. "You always over do it, darling. While Charlie and I appreciate your efforts at helping the hotel, it does no good to work yourself to the point of fatigue. If you are ever feeling exhausted and need a break, don't be hesitant to come find me, as my radio tower is open to you. Understand, my dear?" said Alastor, as he leaned closer towards you, making you flustered again.
Nodding your head was enough to let Alastor knew you understood as he chuckled, while sliding you off his lap, and as he stood up from the couch. "Now then, we should probably head back to the lobby before the others get worried about our lack of presence.", He said, as he straighten his coat out, while turning towards you, extending his hand out for you to take it. "Yeah we should", as you grabbed his hand, and made your way with him back to the lobby. You were still trying to process what just happened between you and Alastor, but you feel like you both have become much closer then before, and you didn't mind it one bit.
#alastor x reader#alastor the radio demon#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel 2024#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel fanfiction#hazbin hotel fanfic#fluff#x reader#hazbin alastor#alastor#alastor the radio demon x reader#radio demon#hazbin hotel headcannon#fluff x reader#lap pillow#kawaii#viviziepop#charlie magne#angel dust#Husk#Nifty#vaggie#nap time#sleepy cuddles
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“bad and pierre were the heroes of today the server will never know how they sacrificed their reputation to save everyone 😞” yeah and they will never know either, what are you talking about. they made their decisions without having any of the information elquackity had - there were no heroes making a difficult decision to save who they could save. there was no honor in their actions today. bad assumed everyone would be using the same underhanded tactics he planned on using. pierre just wanted to win, survival his priority even if it meant the cost of the others. any so called “heroism” was entirely accidental.
#here is what they knew: the losing team dies permanently. green wouldn’t have many people if at all ‘awake’ today#and their team leader was begging them to keep it tied to give green a chance to fight at least until tomorrow#and there were risks to the 50/50 because they didn’t know for sure what would happen. the point is they agreed to try and make it fair#and see what a tie would result in#they’ve successfully burned the last of their bridges - bad and pierre at least - and maybe doing so avoided total wipe out#the point is they didn’t know that. and hindsight changes nothing. they made the decisions with what they knew and their decisions were not#kind nor honorable#yes it did bury their reputation. not a difficult conclusion. they made their own damn grave with that yknow#and yes I understand their reasonings - I’m still saying they’ve been shortsighted and needlessly ruthless and underhanded#again stressing - this is about qBad and qPierre. meta wise I respect Pierre stirring the pot knowing shit will come down for it#idk burning down everything in an extreme ‘whatever it takes’ burns bridges too#I have too many thoughts I’ll have to make another post instead of tag about it but like. I need us all to be so real rn#I just keep seeing this take about how bad and pierre (bad especially) are soooo misunderstood and it’s like please for the love of god#you are falling for the same tactic bad tries to use on everyone else. a tactic that works for himself time and time again#if he can justify everything he’ll never be in the wrong - and he’s allergic to being in the wrong. hes an unreliable narrator like no other#he didn’t last minute turn in tasks to save everyone and be the hero. he didn’t have that information!!!!#it was an unintended benefit that he doesn’t even know about. we as the audience know about it through quackity. they do not! he didn’t tell#them shit! bad did it to save his team and to protect himself. it wasn’t some masterminded nonsense#this whole idea of them being misunderstood is wild. they took their own reputation and shot it dead like a lame horse#sure they’ve got their reasoning. but actions certainly have their consequences#idk. good luck and godspeed blue team because from here on out it’s gonna be even more of a battle#only tagging base organizational tags o/ this is more of a rant than anything lmaoo#qsmp#mcyt#z speaks
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so you're taking care of your computer's software health. NICE! but what about its physical health?
because yes, computers do need the occasional real-world checkup to make sure that they're running well. but what exactly does that entail? i see many posts about maintaining software health: limit your browser tabs, ensure your antiviruses are working properly, so on and so forth, but checking the physical components is something i sparsely see discussed here.
so what's the deal with physical maintenance? well, have you ever had your computer hack and wheeze trying to keep up even if your OS and all your drivers are up to date and functioning? if you've never opened up your computer before, you may be shocked to find just how FILTHY it can get in there:
take a closer look at that snout dust! PTOOEY .. BLECKH
computers are much more likely to accumulate internal dust if they're sitting on the floor, and especially if they're near any vents and/or if you have pets.
ok, you've figured out how to open your device and now you're staring at the second coming of the dust bowl in your gaming rig. what now? let's explore some basic cleaning tips, deep cleaning pointers for your CPU/GPU, and tips to help keep maintain your computer's physical health in the future.
first of all, turn off your computer and unplug it (for my computer, i turn it off, turn off the PSU switch, unplug it, and then press the power button for about 30 seconds to drain the capacitors and minimize static risk)
generally, you're gonna want to have THESE items:
some sort of face mask (dust masks are best, but anything that'll help keep the harmful dust out of your lungs will generally work)
a can of compressed air (or an electric duster if you're ~fancy~. they look and function like turbo blowdryers)
a vacuum will be useful if there's a LOT of dust, best to use in combination with an anti-static cleaning kit
if you ARE gonna use a vacuum, spray every attachment you use with an anti-static spray. disturbing large amounts of dust creates a lot of static, and electronics are very sensitive to that.
it's never a bad idea to grab an grounding wristband as well, but as long as you wear loose clothes and always keep some part of your skin in contact with the case, you should be ok. (i don't know how much this applies to laptops and smaller devices, since the cases for those are typically plastic)
if there's staining (like from smoke) or there's more gunk caked on than you thought, you can gently clean electronic components with a brush/paper towel/microfiber and medical-grade isopropyl alcohol ONLY. do not use any other cleaning alcohols for this task.
before you do anything, TAKE THAT FUCKER OUTSIDE! always clean a dusty device where the wind can carry that shit away, because oh my GOD will it fuck up your lungs like crazy. (that, and compressed air cans have fluorocarbons in them, which isn't great to breathe in either)
most of the time, you'll probably be fine just using an air duster. for compressed air cans, spray the dirty surfaces in short bursts. an electric duster can be constantly blown. when dusting fans, make sure that you're holding the blades still as to not accidentally make them spin too fast (ESPECIALLY with an electric duster!), since that can damage the mechanism that makes them spin.
however, if there's a lot of dust, it may be better to give it a vacuuming first. anything from a handheld to a shop vac will work, and attachments with brushes on the end will help tons with loosening up even more dust. and of course ALWAYS make sure that you're spraying any attachments with anti-static spray, and keep a hand on the case of the computer to electrically ground yourself since the hose will be in contact with the internals.
if there's any left over, give it a blast with the duster.
in some rare cases, there may be some extra gunk caked onto the internals, and you may have to really get your hands in there or take components out individually. if you don't have an anti static wristband (the ones with an alligator clip) do your best to ALWAYS keep your skin in contact with the case as you're finagling around in there.
it's probably a good idea to have disposable gloves on for this. grab your isopropyl and towel of choice (microfiber is ideal, but dirtier PCs may need disposable paper/shop towels), soak it a little bit, and gently scrub off the gunk n' grime as needed.
with heat sinks specifically, since they're just big blocks of metal, they're the one part of a component that can be cleaned under water. if a dusting doesn't suffice, gently scrub it with a brush under warm, soapy water, rinse thoroughly, and let it dry on a towel for a few hours before reassembling it into the electronic components.
if there's still little bits stuck in the radiator fins, stick an isopropyl-soaked q-tip in there to push it out.
the dust settles, everything's put back together, and it's all clean in there again. YAY!!!!! but what if you're still experiencing temperature problems? well, it typically comes down to either the CPU or GPU:
IF ITS THE CPU: if you took off the cooler to clean it, then i hope you remembered to dab some fresh thermal paste on there. you should be replacing thermal paste few years, otherwise it dries out and loses its effectiveness.
the type you use makes a huge difference too; i like to use arctic's mx-4, it has excellent thermal conductivity while still being an electrical insulator, so spillover isn't a problem. if you go for a liquid metal compound, please do your research first, since some of them can run the risk of corroding the cooler pipes and/or the CPU's outer casing.
to replace thermal paste, make sure that the crusty old paste is sufficiently scrubbed off the contact points of both the CPU and cooler. again, use isopropyl for this. once it's all cleaned off, put about a pea-sized amount of paste on the CPU and carefully lower the cooler onto the mounting bracket before fastening it in place. (also it really doesn't matter how you put the paste on, as long as it ends up covering most of the contact area)
also if you're still using the cooler your CPU came with, you should probably get a better cooler. especially if you're doing gaming or using graphically/mathematically intensive software. sorry. the stock coolers that most CPUs come with are mid as hell. you can get a nice ARGB one for less than 20 USD i promise its worth it
IF ITS THE GPU: like CPUs, your graphics card also needs to have its thermal paste cleaned out and replaced every so often. but they also utilize a second thermal material called thermal pads. these are usually made of either silica gel or a very thick clay-like grease, and come in different thicknesses. my favoured pads are owltree's 12.8w grease pads, the assorted pack comes with enough for about 4-5 GPUs.
taking apart a GPU seems scary, and understandably so; they're incredibly expensive and hard-working pieces of technology! but i've done it twice now, and it's actually surprisingly simple (as long as you keep track of all the damn screws... im lucky there's a magnetized screw mat in the house i can use)
i recommend watching a deep clean/teardown video of the GPU model you have before digging into it yourself. generally, they separate into 4 distinct portions: the outer shell, the heatsink, the board, and the backplate.
the shell contains the fans and any possible RGB elements. it'll have 1-2 controllers plugged into the board, one for the fans and one for the lighting elements if there are any. once the case is unscrewed, unplug these connectors with a firm squeeze and tug.
these tend to be surprisingly dusty on the inside, so it's probably a good idea to blast it with a duster. again, make sure to hold the fans so they don't overspin. you can also remove the fans from the shell and clean them individually if you'd like.
the heatsink is BIG and heavy, and you can do all the same stuff here that you would with a CPU cooler heatsink. it may take a bit of effort to tug off if the thermal materials are really making it stick to the board. once it's off, scrub the old thermal paste, blast it with a duster, and wash under soapy water if needed before rinsing thoroughly and leaving it to dry for a while.
the backplate is just a flat piece of metal that protects the back side of the board. usually all this will need is a simple wipedown.
the board is where all the magic happens, and will usually have a layout that's something like this:
clean up as needed; gently scrub off old thermal paste, scrape off the old thermal pads (but take close note of how thick they are so you can replace them with the correct pads), and brush/wipe down the dust and grease on each side as needed. take care to avoid touching the PCIe connector too much (the bar of golden pins that juts out from the bottom)
thermal padding varies from card to card (i recommend checking thermal pad placements for your gpu in water cooling guides, even if you're not doing water cooling) but it's typically gonna be on THESE spots:
the VRAM chips surrounding the die (main chip) along with the small black chips next to the capacitors will require thermal pads the most. cut each one to size, carefully peel off the plastic films, and press each piece onto the chips.
now you can grab your thermal paste and put some on that big shiny die. now take your freshly pasted/padded board and CAREFULLY lower it back onto the heatsink. i highly suggest having a good source of lightning for this, since shifting around the pieces too much trying to get them to align properly can displace the thermal pads and mess with how the paste spreads.
screw the heatsink tight to the board, and double check to make sure that the pads and paste are snug against the heat sink. now put the backplate and shell back on and BAM YOU'RE DONE! with the paste and pads i used, i was able to bring down the temperature of my cards by a good 10-15 °C.
ok you've done all this deep cleaning shit and your computer is happy and healthy. what can you do for your computer's health in the future?
DUST AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR. haul that thang outside and spray that shit out to stop it from building up for too long.
KEEP IT OFF THE FLOOR. if you can, of course, not everyone has the desk room for it. computers accumulate dust easier when they're close to the floor. if you do need to keep it on the floor, you might have to dust it every 6-8 months rather than once a year.
AND STOP PUTTING YOUR LAPTOPS ON SOFT SURFACES I SWEAR TO GOD
GET A FAN CONTROLLER. motherboards are DOGSHIT at maintaining fan speeds!!!! there are physical fan hubs that use controller software, but if you can't afford that, fancontrol by rem0o is a stellar software-only option.
IF YOU DON'T ALREADY HAVE CASE FANS, GET THEM. the number of fans depends on the motherboard form factor your case can accommodate (ATX cases typically have 6-8), but having that air circulation is very important to maintaining ideal temperatures. arctic makes fantastic budget-friendly fans.
IF YOU HAVE AN NVMe HARD DRIVE: please put an aluminum heat sink on that thang. they get toasty :(
OK THATS IT I THINK. if anyone else has tips they wanna add, go right on ahead. ok thank you bye your computer will love you
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Several weeks ago, my retirement-age mother requested that I play Baldur’s Gate 3 for her because she has trouble with controllers/keyboards and wanted “to see what all the fuss is about with that cute wizard boy.” For context, my mother and I have done this sort of thing in the past with certain RPGs (dragon age, mass effect, etc.), but it’s been a few years since she’s personally requested a game like this. Basically, I control her Tav but let her make all the choices so she can determine how the story plays out without worrying about mechanics. She treats it like a choose-your-own-adventure book.
Anyway, here is a list of some of the things my mother has said and/or chosen to do throughout the course of BG3 in no particular order:
She is (obviously) romancing Gale. She is quite smitten with him and his passion for books and learning; she also thinks he’s polite and qualifies as “relationship material.” She also REALLY likes the things he’s said about his cat so far (my mom is a cat lady), so I know she’s gonna flip shit when we meet Tara in Act III.
She’s playing a normal druid Tav with a generally good alignment. Her favorite spell is Spike Growth because she thinks it’s hilarious whenever enemies walk into the AOE and die. I usually end up having to cast it at least once per battle per her request. Sometimes twice.
Contrary to her alignment, my mother tasks me with robbing every single chest, crate, barrel, and burlap sack we come across; this also includes people and their pockets. The party is always at max carrying capacity. ALWAYS. She doesn’t like selling things because “what if I need them.” The camp stash is in literal shambles. There is no hope of organizing it. She’s got like fifty seven sets of rags and a billion pieces of random silverware.
She MUST talk to every animal and corpse in the game. I think five hours of her total playtime so far (47ish) has been spent speaking to animals as many times as humanly possible. Like, I was thorough in my own playthroughs, but this is on a whole other level.
She did NOT get Volo’s lobotomy, but she did let Auntie Ethel take her eye in hopes of a cure for the tadpole. I did not understand the logic then. I still do not understand it now.
She is far more interested in fashion than equipment stats. Do you have any idea how much gold I’ve had to spend on dyes just to make things match? SO much. Same vibe as that “please someone help me balance my finances my family is starving” tweet but instead of candles it’s thirty thousand fucking bottles of black and furnace red dye.
We broke the prisoners out of Moonrise, but they got on the boat too early and bugged the fight by leaving Astarion and Karlach behind. Wulbren Bongle somehow got stuck in combat mode even after engaging the cutscene on the docks below Last Light; he he kept trying to run ALL THE WAY BACK TO MOONRISE nine fucking meters at a time while I frantically tried to finish the fight with the Warden, otherwise Wulbren would have run straight into the shadow curse. (I would’ve let him go; fuck Wulbren Bongle, all my homies hate Wulbren Bongle. But my mom didn’t know that, and she wanted to keep him safe. So.)
She had me reload a save like eighteen times to save the giant eagles on top of Rosymorn Monastery. Wouldn’t even let me do non-lethal damage just to get past things. I think getting that warhammer for the dawnmaster puzzle took us like an hour and a half alone. (Yes, I know you can use any warhammer, but SHE didn’t.)
She’s started keeping an irl notebook to keep track of her quests between play sessions. She writes down ideas and strategies when she thinks of them during the week, then brings them to her next game session at my house. I think she wrote about three pages on possible approaches to the goblin fortress alone.
She insists that I pet Scratch and the owlbear cub before every single long rest, no exceptions. Sometimes I have to do it multiple times until she is absolutely sure that the animals know exactly how much she loves and cherishes them. She has also commissioned a crocheted owlbear plush from a friend of hers and is very excited.
I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff I’m forgetting, but those are some fun things I thought of. She’s enjoying the game and is telling all of her retired friends to get it and play it for themselves. She asked me “what is Discord” yesterday and I think my life flashed before my eyes.
anyway shout out to my mom for being neat
Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#gale#gale of waterdeep#astarion#gale dekarios#laq talks#I talk#she stares at me real hard after she makes a choice too#like squinting to see if my expression gives anything away#if it was a good or bad call#I keep my face blank as shit it’s hilarious#I have not told her I’m writing fanfic for this game#nor will I ever#jesus christ
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Thinking about the Dark Age Lightswap thing with TFC again and now you get my brain mush:
I realized I could have Gale-2 replace Lord Shaxx as that Warlord. He's not as tall, maybe not as beefy, but he's got the horns as an actual part of his head and I imagine having a Lightless version of a Warlord and an actual ex(ish)-Warlord as his daughters would force him to adapt to protect them better.
i am, however, not fully dedicated to the Lightswap and done a thing with Ruin-7 and Annithia
So, Ann and Ruin are still basically sisters, but I wanted to keep Gale as Ruin's father figure pre-Light and figured if this was a Lightswap, then it wouldn't hurt to have him adopt Ruin again after they turn. Which means Ann, despite very much being a Lightbearer, gets to have a dad anyway!
I imagine Ann joined this fucked up family before Lightbearer Ruin, so the two of them were likely training together under Gale, and then Ann later joined the Iron Lords while Gale stays a Warlord (since he's taking Shaxx's place in this AU)
But I wanted Ruin to become a Lightbearer, still. So we end up with a series of events that goes:
-Powerful Warlord (probably Hideo, since I'm unoriginal) decides that he doesn't particularly like Ruin's... attitude and starts trying to break them. When nothing works, he seeks out an unpaired Ghost and puts a bullet between Ruin's eyes
-He wanted to turn them into a Lightbearer 1) to wipe their memory and 2) so that, with said wiped memory, he could puppet them much easier
It was a play for control, basically
-Some time later, Ann discovers them having a Ghost and rushes to tell Gale that Ruin died and came back. Gale resolves to get his kid back
-Which means he spends between months and years (haven't decided) trying to convince Ruin that Hideo isn't who they think he is, which eventually works and he and Ann bring them to the Iron Temple
I am far too much of an absolute sucker for Crow/Wolf, so you know what happens next- But since this is Lightswap, Crow was never actually Uldren, and is his own person. Debating whether or not pre-Light Ruin knew Crow, or if that was something much later after they had already become a Dark Age version of the Young Wolf under the Iron Lords - But I do know what happens next
So... these two end up falling in love, as one might expect. And they take leave from the Iron Lords under the agreement that they would not become Warlords so they can settle down. At some point, they adopt and kid they found abandoned. (I guess Ruin and Crow replace Zavala and Safiyah here?? which also means... tragedy strikes.)
Hideo is still pissed about losing his puppet. And he finds them. While Crow, from working as part of this Warlord's Terror Trio with Ruin and Ann, knows plenty about defending from Lightbearers... you can only do so much without your own special weapons. And Ruin wasn't there.
The kid and Crow do not survive. The Wolf goes missing.
For half a century, the Wolf has not been seen.
At some point, much later, Ann finds Ruin again, disguised among a group of refugee Lightless, while on her own hunt revolving around Warlord activity. It's here that Ann learns of what happened, 3 decades after the incident, and that Ruin has been jumping between Lightless groups, hoping to find Warlord Hideo and return the favor.
That is... about all I have thus far. But I wanted to get this down, and figured I might as well do it now
#Task Force Chaos#Young Wolf Hunter Ruin-7#Warlock Annithia#Dark Age Lightswap#< may or may not become a common thing here#I STILL HAVE ASKS TO BE ANSWERING BUT#TAKE THIS#i don't think anyone is here for my TFC stuff but im gonna talk about it anyway because you can't stop me#anyway here's a chance to ask things about the TFC cast if anyone wants to know more about them?#i have SO many thoughts about these guys#you have no idea#i started developing a fantasy kingdom-ish AU at some point??? just rediscovered that. wack#no but seriously go read The Banshee's Gamble. do it#it has smut. i know. but it is ONLY that one little bit as the very last scene. the storyline is SO good go read it now#the tags are so misleading i promise
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needy - jb blurb
quick sum: after a tiny argument takes place, your boyfriend panics at the idea of going to sleep when you’re in this state. not speaking or holding him like you do before bed. who could blame him? he was your needy and clingy boyfriend over all.
“goodnight…” you felt jude’s lips kiss your bare shoulder. you rolled your eyes knowing he couldn’t see you as your back faced him. it was a silly argument about him spending to much time on his video games rather than help you around the house.
his socks were everywhere, training gear left by the door, empty water bottles laid around, and many of his dishes laid out. it or course ticked you off because you spend so much time for everything to look neat and clean around your house. yet jude was acting like a teenager and claimed he forgets to do so.
you wanted to throw a huge rock at his head labeled an idiot for him to understand. but jude was jude and he tried to brush it off which infuriated you more. how many times would you have to tell him tell the message spread across his head? when would be understand that doing a simple task isn’t the end of the world?
you were being a tad dramatic, but in the end you’re just a girl. you had enough and lashed out, not wording even a single good night to him. if he wanted to act the way he did, then you could show the same. “are you still mad? you’re not gonna say goodnight?” asked jude who laid on his back, turning his head where you still faced your back.
jude would admit it and knew he was in the wrong here. and he apologized when he came to terms about it. you should’ve not had to repeat yourself after the first time. jude was raised better than that, and what ticked him off was now you telling him what to do. in the end you were just asking for his help and he felt a dick about afterwards.
“i love you y/n,” jude blabbered not getting a single reaction out of you. not a small twitch, change of breathing, or word. jude tried to fall asleep but he couldn’t. not when you weren’t holding him, or wished him a goodnight, or when you were this angry. this was his punishment. jude turned to his side wrapping his arm around you, but was taken at back when you removed his hand almost immediately. like a reflex.
“y/n-”
“it’s hot. don’t touch me.”
lies. it was not hot. it was so damn cold with the damn air fan on. he knew that by the small goosebumps that spread across your arms and the thick coated blanket on top you. “i want to hold you though,” jude frowned. “and i said i’m hot. leave me alone,” you pushed yourself way closer to the edge of the bed, trying to create a distance with you clingy boyfriend.
jude was making progress, you finally had spoken. but he was so far from where he needed to be. “baby… you’re not even gonna hold my pinky? like you do when i piss you off? or say goodnight?” jude asked stunned, well pretended to be stunned but it wasn’t working. you knew the tricks he had up his sleeve, and the regret he was feeling lost argument.
no word. no movement. no change.
“y/n.”
“what jude? what? i’m trying to sleep,” you whispered loudly, turning your head to look at him. “you’re not even going to say i love you? what if i die in my sleep?” jude said dramatically which made you flare your nostrils annoyed, taking a breather. “oh you’re being dramatic. what if i die in my sleep-” you turn your back to it’s original spot just to be cut off by jude.
“don’t say that! you can’t. i won’t allow it. you and me are endgame darling,” jude stressed, hating thinking about the idea of you not being here with him, but more so now when you were mad at him. “i can’t leave you alone till i hear you say good night and an i love you.”
“well then stay up… if you mutter another word i’m going downstairs,” you warn, sighing deeply and feeling your eye lids heavy. jude was hesitant, the unsure feeling returning in his chest as he saw your quiet body again. “can you please just hold me hand? i can’t sleep if i’m not touching you.”
“no.”
“y/n now you’re just being unfair,” jude said frustrated, “watch me,” you said bunching up your pillow and blanket and walking to the door, though jude was quick to get up and block the door. “i’m sorry! i’m sorry! i promise i won’t talk again! just get back in bed i don’t want you to sleep downstairs,” jude said fast, dragging you back to bed, being careful to not let you fall.
you wanted to laugh, but part of you wanted to drag this out long as possible. it was hilarious to see your clingy and needy boyfriend upset because you were mad. jude kept his promise, laying back down and faced away from you, feeling defeated and more disappointed in himself.
you had stayed up a little longer, knowing you were the same and could only sleep if he was holding you or vice versa. jude had fallen asleep and you knew that when he relaxed his shoulders. you quietly stirred over to where his back face you, careful to not wake him, or the plan would go to waste.
no matter what had happened, what was said and done, you weren’t going to sleep without wishing him a proper goodnight. or it be your turn to feel that pang of guilt in your chest at breaking a promise you swore together. you wrapped your around around his bare torso, peppering kisses onto his back to wake him up gently. “jude?”
“y/n? you okay what’s wrong?”
jude had turned immediately seeing your pouty face. “i’m not mad anymore. not unless you do that again then i’ll have your head and tell your mother,” jude stifled out a laugh, his chest warming in happiness when he saw you smiling. he hated when things got this extreme and he almost cried when you didn’t utter his favorite three words that came out your mouth.
“i’m sorry…”
“it’s okay… we’ll it’s not but you get the idea of it now right?” jude nodded knowing to what you referred to. you pushed yourself up and give him a proper good night kiss, jude humming in pure delight, the unnecessary weight leaving his shoulders as he shivered at your taste. “i can’t go to sleep without saying goodnight,” you said out of breath against his lips.
“and?”
“and what else?” you gave him a confused look, but you were teasing him knowing he wanted to hear the three words that finalized the wish goodnight.
“say it or i’ll be mad at you.”
“i love you jude,” you say shyly, giggling into neck and leaving a kiss there. “there she is… my pretty girl,” jude laughed with you kissing your head and pulling you to his chest, where he would finally be at ease after the stressful hour you put him through. it was no myth, and right now it felt right. exactly what you both needed.
“hold my pinky too. me holding you isn’t enough for me…”
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