The Things We Can’t Tell Pete About

Pete invites you to meet his friends from The Dirt and makes you promise not to flirt with any of them, which is a lot easier said than done, especially when Colson Baker acts like that.

Request: “Hey so I love all your writing and I just thought you should know that! But also I’d your requests are on still would you mind writing a youre Pete’s little sister but kells got a crush xx”

Colson x reader

Warnings: Drug use, Cursing

A/N: I know, Dom (Yungblud) wrote the song, but also I am the writer and I say that Y/N wrote it :) Anyways, enjoy. This is only part 1 of what is probably going to be a fun, cute lil series. Also thank you to the anon who sent this! You made my day(s)

Word Count: 2411

| ii | iii | iv | v |

masterlist

New York was lonely without your brother. He had been filming in New Orleans for the past three months, leaving you alone. You had some friends, but Pete was your best friend. You were only eight months younger than him and practically attached at the hip. You supposed going through trauma together would do that to people.

He facetimed you all the time from set, updating you on things in his life, showing you cool stuff from the set, and introducing you to his castmates. You had kept him updated on your music, playing him demos of songs you were writing and getting his opinion on them.

Him being away wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but it definitely sucked for you. So, when Pete texted you that he was having a few friends from the movie over the night he got back, you were ecstatic.

Before you left your apartment to walk to his, he texted you.

You’re not allowed to flirt with any of my friends

You rolled your eyes as you locked your door, preparing a response.

I’ll try my best

Your phone buzzed seconds later.

I’m serious. I don’t trust any of them with you.

And I don’t need that kind of awkwardness in my life

Like if you date one of my friends and it goes badly

I don’t wanna deal with that shit

You chuckled at his chain of texts.

Don’t flirt with your friends because they’re dicks, got it

Don’t worry bro, I know the sibling code

 You came to find out that that was a lot easier said than done. When you walked into his place, everyone in the room turned to look at you. You recognized most of them from your facetimes with Pete, but you doubted they remembered who you were. One who did remember you was Colson, Pete’s new best friend. He made eye contact with you from across the room, a sly grin on his lips. You sent him a small smile, Pete’s text running through your head briefly.

You found your brother lounging on the couch, a huge grin on his face. He was definitely tripping on mushrooms. “Y/N!” He yelled. “This is my baby sister, everyone.”

You rolled your eyes, walking further into the room, grabbing a drink from the cooler, and taking an empty seat on the opposite couch. “I’m less than a year younger than you, Pete.”

You heard a snicker from the one of the guys, looking over to see Colson covering up the smile on his face. “But you’re still younger than me so it counts.”

Everyone went back to their own conversations, which you were thankful for. “Y/N, you remember Colson, right?” Pete motioned to the blond guy.

“Yeah.” You nodded, looking him up and down. His muscle tank exposed the sleeves of tattoos, which seemed to cover every inch of his skin. “Your hair was different, but yeah I remember you.” You opened the beer on the coffee table, taking a swig.

“You’re the musician, right?” He asked you, leaning back onto the couch.

You nodded, “Aspiring musician but, yeah.”

“Oh, she’s great. You should hear her sometime.” Pete butted in, grinning like an idiot at you.

You rolled your eyes but had a smile on your face. “I work primarily as a songwriter and editor right now, but I’m trying to work on putting out some of my own stuff.”

You felt a little intimidated talking to Machine Gun Kelly about music, seeing as he was one of the best in the industry, but he seemed to be genuinely interested in your work. “Well, if you ever want some help or someone to listen to it, I’d be willing.” He flashed a smile, his bright blue eyes sparkling.

“Thanks, that’s really cool of you.” You bit your lip slightly, trying to hide the fact that you were totally breaking Pete’s rule.

Pete sent a glare your way to which you raised your eyebrow. You weren’t really flirting; you were just… making connections. “Anyways,” he cleared his throat, “I’ve been working on this sketch idea, Y/N, and I need your opinion.”

You nodded, letting him talk. “So, I was thinking like, there’s this guy with posters all over his wall. Like life size posters of a bunch of different people. And he falls asleep while doing homework and he dreams about them coming to life. And it plays out like one of those really bad commercials that encourage kids to stay in school and shit. Like the posters are telling him to study for his test, but then there’s this one poster that’s like, very sexy. And she’s just like, talking about hot dogs and everyone else gets really sick of it and one of the other posters tries to like, tear down her poster or something.”

Throughout his description, you got more and more confused. “Pete, that’s not funny that’s just fuckin weird.” His mouth hung open in shock. “Dude, seriously? The big punchline is the playboy poster girl talking about hot dogs until the other poster people get tired of it?”

“Yes.” Pete said, as if it were obvious. “That’s hilarious.” You glanced at Colson with a questioning look on your face. He seemed as unsure of the joke as you were.

“Pete, man, that’s not your best work.” Colson clapped him on the shoulder and you giggled at Pete’s disappointed expression.

“You guys are mean.” He pouted and you two laughed. “Ok, well, how would you make it funny?”

“I don’t know if you can, bro.” Colson’s laugh was contagious. When he laughed his whole body shook, his feet stomping and everything.

“What are the other posters?” You asked, trying to be supportive but knowing this wouldn’t turn out very good.

“Well, I was thinking maybe one is like a video game character. Like that lady from Wreck-It-Ralph. The mean one. And then like a snowboarder who is definitely high, and someone else, I dunno.” He shrugged, taking a hit from the joint in his hand and passing it to you.

“Okay…” You trailed off, looking at Colson for support. You brought the blunt to your lips, inhaling the smoke and bringing it down, letting the smoke leave your mouth slowly. You passed the joint to Colson, who gladly took it, a smirk on his face.

Pete looked between you two at the small interaction, a frown. “So, the posters,” he brought your attention away from the man again, “they’re all really serious about teaching this dude math. But the hotdog girl just keeps talking about hot dogs in like this really high-pitched voice.”

You watched the smoke fall from Colson’s lips, not fully paying attention to your brother.

“Yeah man, I think that sounds funny.” Colson told Pete, his eyes lingering on you for a little longer than they should have. “It could use some work but if anyone can make it funny, it’s you.” Colson punched your brother on the shoulder, but the look he sent you said the exact opposite.

You held in your giggle, taking another sip of your beer.

The rest of the night followed a similar pattern, you and Colson flirting and Pete trying to get in between you two. At one point, after a few more hits of weed and a couple more drinks, Colson brought out a guitar, insisting you play something for him. Where he got the guitar from, you had no idea, but you didn’t ask questions. Instead, you rolled your eyes, insisting that “if I have to play something, so do you.”

Everyone was too caught up in their own conversations to care about the noise, or too drunk. You started strumming, trying to remember the chords to a song you had started writing a few days ago. “There’s no lyrics yet, just a melody I came up with.” You blushed, feeling very self-conscious suddenly.

“Guess I’ll just free style to it then.” He chuckled as you started to strum, your fingers working the strings like they had your whole life.

The blond man closed his eyes, head nodding as you played and thinking of what to rap.

“Watch me, take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night. Catch me, I’m the one on the run away from the headlights.

No sleep, up all week wastin time with people I don’t like. I think, somethin’s fuckin wrong with me.

You smiled as he sang, watching his expressions change as he tried to think up the next line.

Drown myself in alcohol, that shit never helps at all

I might say some stupid things tonight when you pick up this call

I be hearin silence on the other side for way to long, I can taste it on my tongue, I can tell that somethin’s wrong.”

He opened his eyes, looking rather proud of himself. “I had some of those lyrics already, but I just changed ‘em a little. I really liked that.”

You nodded, “That was impressive.” You smiled, looking back down to the guitar when something hit you.

You began to play the same melody but pitched higher to fit your voice.

“Roll me up, and smoke me love

And we could fly into the night

You take drugs, to let go, and figure it all out on your own

Take drugs, on gravestones, to figure it all out on your own.”

You looked up to Colson, watching his expression change, his eyes wide. Pete had a proud look on his face.

“Pete, you are a sucky hype man. You did her no justice.” Colson hit Pete on the arm.

“Whaddya mean, I told you she was great.”

Colson looked over to you, a stupid smile on his face. “Seriously, that was fucking amazing. Like, we gotta write that shit out some day.”

You bit your lip, trying to stop the blush from reaching your cheeks. “Yeah, that’d be cool.” You were trying your best to keep your cool as Colson kept his gaze on you, but you were completely freaking out on the inside.

A little while later, almost everyone was gone except you, Pete, Colson, and Douglas Booth, who joined your conversation not long after your jam session. Pete let out a yawn, directing your attention to the time.

“Jesus, it’s already 4am?” You asked, a frown on your face.

“Why, you got somewhere to be, darling?” Douglas asked you, your face scrunching up from the nickname.

“I have a writing session at 11 am tomorrow. Or, today, I guess.”

Pete reached out to hit you in the head, playfully, which you dodged. “Go to bed, dummy.”

You shrugged, “I’m gonna be dead at it anyways, might as well keep the party going a little longer.”

Douglas rolled his eyes, patting your shoulder. “Be that as it may, I am ending this party and going home. Goodnight, guys. It was nice meeting you again, Y/N. Good to see you guys.” Douglas and the guys did that little hand slap and hug thing before he left.

“I love you both, but I will also be going to sleep. And you should too.” Pete stood up, stretching his arms out before giving Colson a fist bump and leaving to his bedroom.

Once your older brother left, Colson moved to the couch you were on, his arm falling over your shoulders. You looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “And how can I help you Mr. Kelly?”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m assuming Pete gave us both very similar talking to’s, given the glares you’ve been receiving all night.”

“You mean the “don’t flirt with my friends” talking to or the other one?” You tilted your head, a sly look on your face.

“That’s the one.” Colson laughed through his nose, an adorable smile on his face. You were both considerably high, but you still knew exactly what you were doing.

You moved closer to Colson’s body, “Well then I guess we’d better not do this.” You said quietly, leaning into him. “Or this,” You grabbed his jaw, inches from his face.

“Or this?” He whispered, connecting your lips. You smiled into the kiss, tasting the weed on his tongue. You adjusted your body so you were facing him, his arm that was once around your shoulder now wrapped around your waist.

His other hand grabbed your leg, pulling you up so you were straddling his lap, and your arms wrapped around his neck. His lips seemed to fit perfectly around yours, and you did all you could to keep yourself from moaning into the kiss as his hand began to travel up your leg.

Realization hit you like a brick wall, and you pulled away, your breathing heavy. “Sorry,” you muttered after a few seconds. You climbed off his lap, smoothing out your shirt. “We shouldn’t do that. I shouldn’t have done that.” You smiled awkwardly down at him.

He nodded, the same realization hitting him. “Yeah, that’s not the best idea. Sorry I wasn’t really thinking.”

You shook your head, cheeks still very red. “No, no, no don’t apologize. It was fine, it’s all fine.”

He nodded, looking down awkwardly. “I should get going.” He stood up, landing a little too close to you.

“Why don’t you just sleep here? Pete won’t mind and it’s a lot easier than going home.” You bit your lip awkwardly, taking a few steps back.

Colson scratched the back of his neck. This was a very different demeanor than he had before, and you found it very cute. “Are you sure?”

You nod. “I’ll get you some blankets and pillows.” You moved towards the guest bedroom, a guilty smile on your face. You moved your hand to your lips, feeling where Colson’s lips had graced you minutes before.

You came back to find Colson laying on the couch, one hand behind his head. “We don’t have to tell Pete about that, right?”

You shook your head, a small smile still playing on your lips. You put the pillow behind his head, watching his eyes as he watched your lips. “Stop looking at me like that or I’ll do something else we can’t tell Pete about.” You said quietly, watching him grin. You pulled the blanket over him, leaning down to be level with his face.

“I kind of like the things we can’t tell Pete about.” Colson chuckled, leaning forward to connect your lips again.

Worlds Away

Requested by @spaghetittiesbcimgay : hey! could i get something with our boy peter with a really smart reader?? who’s an intern at nasa or smth? and is obsessed with her instruments (guitar, bass, etc) and also space? (can you tell i’m projecting?) idk if this would be wayy to specific (if it is, totally leave out the last bit!! :) ) and i have no idea where to go from there but ive been dying for some peter x smart!reader sooo.. thank u so much in advance xx

Summary: You and Peter Parker are two of the smartest kids at Midtown High. So why are you both completely clueless at the fact you both have massive crushes on each other? 

Words: 1391

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Obviously Midtown was full of students with extraordinary smarts and subsequent extraordinary internships because of it. Naturally, Peter had gotten a lot of attention when word spread that he’d swung (no pun intended) an internship with Tony STARK. The superhero hype around the school was real even months later. And after news broke about aliens visiting earth and all that a couple years ago, every hyper intelligent teenager’s hopes were directed on working with space tech: protection or exploration, it didn’t matter. But that was mainly Tony’s domain now and the world knew it, so Midtown’s students scrambled to find prestigious positions in other areas. 

When you got accepted to intern as a research assistant for NASA, you immediately shared the news with a few close friends. And they were, of course, absolutely stoked for you. They were also huge blabbermouths so by the time everyone returned to school that Monday, the entire grade knew. Jealousy emitted from them like the energy of an exploding star. But unlike a star, the only visible evidence were the side-eye glares and slight shaking of the heads in disbelief. If you could read minds, they would be a mix of chatter saying: ‘why does SHE get to work for NASA?’ ‘I’m twice as smart as her—that should be my job’ ‘I bet she paid her way in—they’re not even accepting interns in the middle of the school year’ ‘she’s two years younger than me! I need that internship more than she does!’ Etcetera.

But not everyone was so green. Peter Parker, for example, was over the moon (still no pun intended) when you told him. He was also your number one suspect for blabbing. At least with him and his big mouth, you knew it was from a place of pride rather than an attempt to spread gossip. As if anyone went to Peter Parker for gossip. Maybe that was part of the reason you found him so appealing. 

“If they send you to space will you let me know?” He said earnestly. You just laughed.

“I’m doing research, not training to be an astronaut. I don’t have the physical endurance!”

“But you’re smart enough to engineer a spaceship.”

You rolled your eyes. “Not on my own.”

“Still!”

“They’re not sending me to space and I’m not engineering a spaceship for other people to go to space,” you laughed.

“Well what are they not paying you for then?” he pressed.

“I’m joining the student research team that assesses alien remnants from the battle of New York to help find ways to improve our own space technology. NASA’s actually working closely with Mr. Stark on a lot of it--I’m sure he’d tell you more...”

You stopped talking at the awestruck expression on Peter’s face. He leaned forward.

“No way,” he gushed. “Mr. Stark didn’t tell me any of that. Wow, you sounded really smart just then.” He paused, thinking. “This is gonna be awesome for you, y/n!” he beamed, sounding just as enthused as you felt. 

“I know!”

“When do you start?”

“Not for a few weeks.”

“Good,” Peter said. 

You raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, I--I’m going to miss being able to hang out with you and stuff when you’re off doing space stuff.”

“Well, I won’t actually be in space at any point, so we should be good,” you smiled. 

“Well, you’re definitely smart enough to go to space, so when you do eventually end up on a spaceship--” Peter held up a finger to cut off your objections before you could open your mouth. “--You could entertain your fellow astronauts with some tunes.” Peter mimed an air guitar. 

“Shut up,” you laughed, swatting at his arm. “I think a theremin would be a better soundtrack for outer space anyway. Acoustic guitars have college-student-on-the-quad vibes.” 

“Not when you play.”

“Okay Peter,” you rolled your eyes, flattered but embarrassed by his persistence. “I’ll show up on the first day of my internship with a guitar slung on my back and ask if they’d prefer the sounds of Brian May or John Mayer.” 

“Perfect,” Peter said without a hint of sarcasm behind his smile. You blushed.

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After school that day, Peter came by your house as usual so you could work on homework together. You asked him once why he preferred to work at your place—not that you minded whatsoever, but you became curious after picking up on the pattern—and he said because your place was more “stimulating” than his. Stimulating! You had laughed so hard that his confusion had circled around until he worried he’d said something offensive.

“Stimulating? Really?” you had said after composing yourself.

“Well, yeah,” he’d replied. “You have all these cool instruments and your whole room looks like space.”

As you both entered it now, you bypassed the light switch and plugged in the strand of white Christmas lights that encircled the ceiling. Instantly the room was bathed in a soothing glow. You weren’t allowed to paint your walls black ("But it would look so much more like space, mom!”) so you’d ordered four giant tapestries with different galaxies on them and hung one on each wall. A sun-shaped lamp rested on your nightstand. It was one of those sunrise lamps that woke you up by gradually getting brighter in the morning to mimic the elusive wintertime sunrise. Your precious string instruments—an acoustic guitar (Gary) and electric bass (Lily)—stood opposite your bed. You couldn’t think of a better definition of a safe space. 

And now school felt like worlds away. Minus the fact Peter was here with you  to do homework.

Peter assumed his usual position in the bean bag chair furthest from the door. You collapsed into yours, closest to your instruments. A long ottoman served as a makeshift desk for you both to dump your school materials.

But today you both melted into the cushions without moving to open your backpacks, abandoned at your sides.

Peter--usually a ball of energy that would lead you to believe he was a puppy in a former life--closed his eyes and laid his head back. It had been an especially long week. 

Without giving it a second thought, you leaned sideways and removed Gary from its stand. Humming a little, your fingers grazed the guitar strings until the notes strung into the beginning of one of your favorite songs. 

After you finished you looked up and spotted Peter watching you. Of course you’d known he was there, but you’d half expected him to drift off before the first chorus. Your face burned.

His forehead creased. “Was that ‘Here Comes The Sun’?”

You lit up. “Yeah! You listen to The Beatles?”

Peter nodded, feeling confident. “John Legend is the best.”

You stifled a giggle. “Yep,” you said. You had an unreasonably strong urge to hug him. 

You hesitated, not sure if you wanted to stop playing or continue. 

“Can I hear another?” Peter said after a moment, making the decision for you. 

“Sure,” you said, suddenly feeling shy. “What do you want to hear?”

“Anything.”

“Okay,” you steadied your breathing. Deciding to stick with the space theme, you strummed the beginning chords to Muse’s ‘Starlight’ and sang along quietly, losing yourself to your music and completely missing the infatuated grin that found its way onto Peter’s face as he got lost in thought: 

Not only was he hanging out in the coolest bedroom he’d ever seen, he got to spend it with the coolest and smartest person he knew. He wanted to spend as many hours with you as he could, even though you would probably have a lot less free time once you started the internship. But until then, he would enjoy every moment he could. Like this one. 

And who knows, maybe one day space travel would be a regular thing and then you could both hang out on the moon together for real and get away from it all. Peter could listen to you play guitar and sing random songs all day. He might even tell you how he really felt about you once he built up enough courage.

But Peter realized those possibilities were still worlds away. And right now, his world was sitting across from him, humming like a windchime that told him he was home.

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Just one more before bed? Click here for a masterlist of my fics!

Listed: Three Lobed Recordings

For 20 years, Three Lobed Recordings has explored the outer reaches of psychedelic music, presenting Bardo Pond’s heaviest, most improvisatory albums, documenting the American primitive revival via recordings of Jack Rose and Daniel Bachman, listening to emanations from space-age folk troubadours like Wooden Wand, Sunburned Hand of the Man and Matt Valentine and generally pursuing the beauty of experiment, wherever it occurs. To celebrate these past two fruitful decades, label founder Cory Rayborn lists ten of the albums that define Three Lobed (and, necessarily, leaves out others equally valid and interesting). We look forward to lots more in the decades to come.

Personal Choice Cuts from the TLR Catalog (in no particular order, 9 of which might be different if you were to ask me tomorrow).

Gunn-Truscinski Duo — Ocean Parkway (2012)

Ocean Parkway by Gunn-Truscinski Duo

Every time I listen to this album, especially the title track, I feel transported. Long ago my college roommate Jon Nall articulated a test for transcendent songs, for the ones that impact you no matter how many times you hear them. He summed those all-time tracks up as the ones where the hairs on your arms uncontrollably stand up every time you hear them. While every track on this album does it for me every time, throwing me into a sort of uncontrollable head nod and body sway, I am always fully taken away by the entirety of the title track and Steve's swirling guitar build over the entire eighth minute punctuated by the ecstatic tones he hits at 9:06. Yow. The feeling I get from this album is why the label exists.

Various Artists — Eight Trails, One Path (2012)

Eight Trails, One Path by Various Artists

Record Store Day is tough. I love the attention and cash it puts into the hands of independent retailers but hate how commodified it has become over time by the powers that be / majors who see it as an excuse to pump out a bunch of junk that will end up being shelf warmers and ankle weights on those same retailers they claims to be supporting. The first few years when most of the titles were truly from and by indies it was a lot of fun. That was the feeling that led to wanting to put out an RSD title in mid-2011 (an illness I’ve since overcome). Originally conceived as a joined pair of split 7"s, it morphed into a triple 7" and then to a full length album. I wanted to showcase different approaches to solo guitar work and set out to ask a lot of my favorites. I also wanted to put together a special package which was fleshed out with help by Casey Burns on graphics, Grayson Haver Currin on words and Jeff Mueller on printing. I’m still amazed at the interlocked nature of all of the contributions to this one, from Six Organs’ spiritual sibling to “Ascent” in the form of “Stranded on Io” (a track that is a wordless tale all within itself) to the circular beauty of David Daniell’s “Housewarming” and everything else on here. I really love this record.

Tom Carter — Long Time Underground (2015)

Long Time Underground by Tom Carter

Late in 2013 I was chatting with Tom about what shape a record should take. He wanted to go to Black Dirt and get a good, clean capture of what he had been working on with Jason Meagher. TLR is always onboard with a Black Dirt election. Fast forward several months and family TLR was visiting some friends in Vermont around the same time Tom was in the area. We met up and he handed off the masters for a double LP. While we knew that the mix of Tom’s playing, Tom’s writing and Jason’s engineering was going to be magical but we had no idea of the exact form or how insanely potent the album was going to be. Damn. Seriously, just listen to this stuff and absorb that these are all single takes, no overdubs. Haunting and celebratory all at once.

Daniel Bachman — The Morning Star (2018)

The Morning Star by Daniel Bachman

It is pretty fun to watch the arc and path that Daniel’s writing, recording and performing have taken over the last 15 years. From powerhouse steamroller to the intersection of musique concrète and acoustic drone, his current location could maybe have been seen in his early recordings but you likely would have lost most of those dice rolls. The Morning Star speaks to me in so many ways but the stunning bookends of “Invocation” and “New Moon” always hit like a ton of bricks. What is amazing is how Daniel can turn these album cuts into live performances. I saw “New Moon” several times while Daniel was in the process of touring this 2016 self-titled album, always transfixed by it live — the album version loses none of that potency. On the other hand, Daniel re-created “Invocation” at the 2018 Three Lobed / WXDU Annual Ritual of Summoning to stunning effect.

The Michael Flower Band — self-titled (2008)

The Michael Flower Band by The Michael Flower Band

An audio / aural bomb blast, a kosmik rearrangement of the space/time directly around the listener. This take no prisoners statement from Mick Flower (guitar) and John Moloney (drums) is a deep slice for catalog enthusiasts. Just tune into “Balinese Falsehood” and try to not get fully lost. Years ago I described this as “biker psych for the third eye rider” and I’ll stand by that statement fully today.

Wooden Wand and the World War IV — self-titled (2013)

Wooden Wand & the World War IV by Wooden Wand & the World War IV

Picking between Wooden Wand titles is hard for this particular enthusiast but if forced I think I have to push the needle towards the intense Crazy Horse vibes of this studio corker. Surrounded by the “Briarwood” band, perhaps the most telepathic folks with whom Toth has ever played, the results are electric and transfixing. Will I kick myself tomorrow for not picking Clipper Ship? TBD...

Meg Baird & Mary Lattimore — Ghost Forests (2018)

Ghost Forests by Meg Baird and Mary Lattimore

I don’t remember when it came to me, the fact that there wasn’t a deliberately ground-up collaboration between Meg and Mary in existence. I had to ask them if that was purposeful or a gap that was truly something that we should remedy, a question where I had my fingers crossed the entire time. They were both really into the concept, it just took the triangulation of busy satellites to make all of our desires into reality. The results are as sturdy, sheltering and invisible at the edges as the album's title, facts that we are all the better for each time we wrap ourselves in this particular fabric. An all-timer.

Jack Rose — The Black Dirt Sessions (2009)

The Black Dirt Sessions by Jack Rose

I had the good luck and fortune to get to know Jack back in the Pelt days and watch his transition from that ensemble into the singular player and performer that he was for the last eight years of his too short life. Watching a Jack set was always a tiny miracle. I remember him calling me one day, telling me that he had gone to record with Jason Meagher and he had a record that he would really love for me to put out if I was interested. Not only was I most most certainly interested, but I was amazingly humbled and flattered that this friend who I also considered a modern master had recorded something specifically for me without even discussing it with me first. That level of trust was the gift and magic of Jack. If he believed in you that belief gave you all of the power you needed to make anything reality, you were suddenly bulletproof. Every track here is a stunner but “Cross the North Fork” always pulls me in, dares me to turn my attention anywhere else. Rest in power, friend.

Chuck Johnson — Crows In The Basilica (2013)

Crows In The Basilica by Chuck Johnson

Every track on this perfectly constructed and sequenced album is flawlessly beautiful but “On A Slow Passing In Ghost Town” is one of the top 10 tracks in the entire TLR catalog in my estimation. Exactingly and properly composed, performed and recorded.

Bardo Pond — Peri (2009)

Peri by Bardo Pond

The love of Bardo Pond was the seed that initially drove me to create a record label. Their single-minded determination to seek audio truth was apparent to me ages ago and so very inspirational. I ate up everything — the releases, the live shows, the live recording — and I hung on every note. The band had a lot of really, really great tunes that they had been working on between 2001 and 2003, the period between their departing Matador for ATP Records. I could never shake the power of several of the tracks from this era that sort of got abandoned to the shifts of time. After several conversations with Michael Gibbons two albums were born from that period and from some other exceptionally potent tracks. Batholith was the first of these two albums and Peri, the second. Both are so very special to me, the fruit of knowing folks needed to hear these compositions. When writing here I have to pick Peri today as it closes with “Silver Pavilion,” an all-time Bardo Pond thesis statement of sorts.

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: @forseenclade thank you ! man i am so bad at doing memes.  tagging: @blossomingbeelzebug @zhrets @lupichorous @dansiere yayayayayayayaya

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated [ z/iggy stardust is DEFINITELY not my original character, but 683 is, and every single part of how i rp ziggy from his backstory to his personality was made up by me. that being said, ziggy is still a character that exists in media. ]

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. [ im pretty sure ziggy is tied with the thin white duke as one of b*wie’s most famous fictional personas? ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES ? / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. [ maybe a little overrated ]

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [ celebrity rock god of limitless talent vs inevitable overrated washup. most celebrities are polarizing anyways ]

How strictly do you follow canon?  — there isnt much canon to go off of i think? the album barely even states if ziggy is an alien and b*wie himself got really wishy washy about it (sometimes saying z is a human who was contacted by aliens, he was an alien himself, etc). i dont think we know anything about him besides what he looks like (red hair / weird eyes / pale / “well hung” lmao) and he has a band called the spiders from mars, he plays the guitar left handed, he’s bisexual + androgynous, and he’s charming and popular with the teens but inevitably is a victim of his own ego. and he dies.  that too.  but that’s literally it! we know Nothing else about him.  so i filled in all the gaps because my brain has worms.  theres a little bit of the story that verges on fantasy (that he’s some sort of messiah messenger for “the infinites,” whatever the fuck THAT means, david) so i nix that because i prefer hard scifi.  and theres one BIG part that i just ... deleted out of his canon, in that the world is ending in 5 years in his timeline, and he’s like ... aware of this ?  but that’s dumb and confusing.  i legit dont care anymore. my OC now.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  im so embarrassed i know i could be genuine and actually try but i have brain blockajjolajlakala33lak33klak333ak3jka3akjj323j3 i guess it’s like ... ziggy is truly the ultimate expression OF humanity because he reveals everything both wrong and right about the human condition, he literally embodies the best of humanity and the worst at the same time, he’s a really interesting critique on the idea of genuineness/earnestness vs commercalism in art, the perils of fame, and also how humans are so inherently corrupting?  a lot of thematic stuff i like exploring is like what is innate to humans vs what is learned behavior, what are things that humans do naturally that ziggy mimics out of his desire to be like us?  i think he has a really good story arc -- he went from being a literal nameless CLONE in a society full of pragmatic forward thinking science-oriented people to a sell out rockstar celebrity in a society of people that value individualism and self expression and art, but in the process completely lost his mind and himself and gave into the worst that humanity has to offer like rampant selfishness, drug abuse, self destructive tendencies, etc. characters changing is always interesting and ziggy truly changes for the worse -- but he is never just black and white, he was never good and then suddenly evil, he just was always the same person putting on different facades and trying to be himself by constructing an identity that maybe was who he wanted to be versus who he actually is.  i dont know what im talking about. hes just an alien trying to be too hard to be human in all the wrong ways.   i just like how “gray” ziggy is. he isnt good or bad, he can be very nice and he can be very mean, he’s overtly showboating confident but at the same time deeply afflicted with self-consciousness (why tf else would anyone be So obsessed with how they present themselves?).  hes an icon of individualism but also commercialism.  he’s freakishly alien but is almost more human than humans themselves.  he struggles as lot in his head -- which makes for interesting writing, i guess !!  Im so emabrrased im not going to go back and read what i wrote so if i typoed dont look at me

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  i think ziggy comes across as really mean and nothing else.  his horrible bitchy rudeness comes across as hee hee hoo hoo sassy isnt he a rascal when it’s supposed to be more like ... he’s so far gone into the celebrity delusion he’s conflated aggressive rudeness with charmingness because no one told him otherwise and everyone worships him to the point where he’s just given into the delusion that he can do no wrong.  i think theres the general simplification problem that happens with a lot of fictional characters, it’s easy to see him as just a whacky sassy glittery quirky rockstar when i guess it avoids the inherent tragedy of like ... everything else about him. his totally fake and false sense of identity built up from superficial things like fame and labels and stardom.  maybe my version of ziggy is just too weirdly depressing and sad when i know his original iteration wasn’t quite so ... grim.  im not very sure tbh.  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  hmmm ... a lot of things! i just really got into b*wie stuff in early 2019, i’ve ALWAYS loved aliens and sci-fi, and i was really shocked that db sets up such great visual storytelling potential but does it through music.  i just really liked ziggys “story” and i like any chance to think about aliens so i just got invested into piecing together a little backstory for him using, like, the cumulative knowledge of literally every other piece of science fiction ive ever consumed in my life.  this was summer 2019 when i was making initial pitches for my thesis film, and so i just randomly decided to pitch “animated version of ziggy stardust” as one of the potential ideas.  shockingly everyone liked it a lot and so did my professor who thought it was really cool, and then i just ended up sticking with the character and working on him for an entire year.  ziggy became my hobby but also my homework.  he was such a fun character because everything about him was interesting to me and i had just enough source material to have a starting point but so much room to take him in any direction i wanted to.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  honestly, yooooou guyssssss. i have some really amazing fwends that ive met thru here .... and some of our dumb stupid stories have literally become NOVEL length. it just self generates inspiration because you realize the limitless amount of stories you could tell with this one single character when your character enters his story or he enters their story and etc. etc.  ive drawn endless amounts of comics and stuff for him ... ziggy is just so endlessly interesting ...   cringe be cringed bro but recently (i know this sounds dumb bear with me or die.) ive kind of realized a lot of how i rp z comes as some metaphor for the experience of being an asian immigrant/being asian in the US -- his home “culture” is a lot stricter than the rampant selfish individualism of the usa (he only lives in the uk and usa, so he thinks the whole planet is like this), he’s dissuaded from standing out from his community and his selfishness becomes a community burden rather than a personal flaw, and when he does come to earth, he goes through such awful culture shock, literally nothing makes sense to him and everything is Different.  and while some things are different in a Nice way, something things are different in an Awful way, and he’s given the option between losing his true personal identity as an atominan and giving it up to be a human.  the allure of being a human is a little too much but losing yourself like this is traumatic, in a way.  obvs like ... a little silly and definitely not something that i actively intended to put into his story arc, its just something that fell into place cuz i guess i worked so closely with my own personal experiences and feelings of “alienation” (pun intended) to try to understand how he would feel being a literal alien an shid. its cathartic to write about him. but he also has a lot of my own personal interests just thrown in -- 70s fashion, scifi, science, tryhard implications about human nature, art history, whatever dumb nonsense i get into

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES?

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO  [ i would prefer information to spring up organically in the story but cuz threads always get dropped i end up just telling people outright. i didnt want anyone to know his home planet/his old name but barely anyone writes enough with ziggy to get to that point to reveal it (i legit managed to do it organically Once) so i just had to write it in a post lmao orz ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO [ wrote a ton of drabbles ! drew a ton of comics! ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO 

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / I DUNNO?

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES  / NO. / IDK ? 

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  definitely!  like i said ... my version of ziggy ended up being the protag of my thesis film and for 1 yr straight his characterization, backstory, design, and even how i wanted to animate his fucking movements (ziggy stardust timing charts.) were beaten to death in a classroom environment, torn apart and rebuilt into something better.  had i stayed with what i originally wanted to go with, ziggy would be so different than how i write him 2day. amazingly my pre production professor is a literal two time emmy award winning storyboard artist and animator so he definitely helped me design him (my version of ziggy is meant for ... a cartoon, obviously, not real life) and give him a better backstory?  and my post production professor is a retired disney animator who worked on hercules and a bunch of old disney channel shows?  had i gone wah wah wah i dont want to hear ur critiques i wouldnt have made him better.  if you ever think ziggy seems inconsistent or poorly written ... tell me !! i literally major in ... animation. cartoons. entertainment.  my job is to entertain you. if you are not entertained, there is a problem.  ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED ????

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I LOVE QUESTIONS? i love ... answering questions ... if you ask me something ill come kiss you.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  sure! i dont know why that would happen, though, because i mean ... he’s an OC. but i gues someone could be like “i feel like this is incongruous to things you’ve previously established in his character” or somethin

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  i feel like a lot of b*wie stans would find my version of ziggy weird but i mean thats fine!  i guess my goal is to have a well written character, not necessarily an accurate version of ziggy

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  if you hate MY version of ziggy thats fine but if u hate ziggy stardust in general (like the bowie concept) then u need some taste what the fuck is cooler than a egomaniac genderless bisexual rockstar alien with red hair? nothing. go back to watching your CW shows you dirty filthy normie

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  yes! dm me though. dont clown me on the dash like that.  i usually write your replies 12 AM - 4 AM so it’s expected.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  hmmm ... maybe! i do like to talk to people and i am VERY nice, trust me, if youre ever sad ill do everything i can to make you feel better. but im quiet! i dont really reach out to people and i tend to just keep to myself.  im not very social or extroverted at all haha i barely can make ooc posts without feeling like god’s coming to beat my head in with a brick. im sitting here at 5:30 AM with this meme feeling like if i post it i will die (BUT I MUST)

AP web exclusive: All Time Low tour diary

Posted by Scott Heisel on 08-Dec-06 @ 04:43 PM

Last month, Baltimore pop-punkers All Time Low took to the road with Sugarcult for a series of shows on the West Coast. Here's some of what they saw, in words and pictures. Learn more at www.alltimelow.com.

#1------------------------------------------------------------ Ooohooo So last night we celebrated two awesome occasions...well 3 since matt's molars finally grew in...anyways yesterday was Haloween and our first night of our tour with Sugarcult. I must say, it is pretty strange touring with a band who I spent the better years of my middle school life watching on MTV. Regardless of where this band has been, it definetly didn't eff with their personalities. They were all super nice to us and each came up and introduced themselves. The show went pretty well but it wasn't a good judgement of our the whole tour is going to be because Sugarcult didn't even headline, the Eagles Of Death Metal did, and the tickets for $25 on Haloween night :) I'm sorry but I would never go to a show if those were the circumstances...I'd be out expanding my collection of holiday treats. Tonight the 'real' tour begins so we will see how it goes. We are playing Washington State University in Pullman Washington. We haven't done too many college shows, so this should be interesting...anyways before we got on the road a couple days ago we were couped up in Ben Harper's (formely of yellowcard, now in amber pacific) house/studio in long beach, CA working on our new CD :). We demoed some hot licks that were going to send over to our producer matt squire so that he can put in some input. I heard my blogs are going to be posted on the Alternative Press website for this tour, so if that's the case then...helll yeah! Well I just woke up from sleeping in the van so I am gonna walk out into the freezing streets of Pullman, WA crack my back and grab some Qudoba. Much Love, Jack --jbstar #2------------------------------------------------------------ Yoo dooodds, So I'm gonna update you guys on the passed couple shows...on Wednsday we played Washington State University. Those kids are freaking crazy! Everyone seemed to be having a good time and we made some awesome new friends. I cannot stress enough, how cool the Sugarcult guys are. Which is really cool because I have been listening to those guys since 6th grade! Anyways before we played, matt thought it would be a good idea to have a fork and knife fight backstage...yeah it turned pretty ugly and we should have some footage online soon enough. That night we partied at 'The Christmas House'. Lets just say that I'm pretty sure alex made out with a dog...I really miss Hit The Lights :( Anways...we played Seattle after the college show and it was offf the hoooook. Everyone in the room was dancing and it got pretty redic. As soon as we told them the alex/dog story they went nuts. We met up with the Pink Spiders that night. We were nervous about that because we've heard some stuff...but for real those guys are the shit. There all super nice and we have no complaints about them. We have yet to tour with a band who we don't get along with (fingers crossed). We also heard that we may be doing a few shows with Cobra Starship in Dec, if that happends that would be sick. I'll keep you guys updated. Someone made us a bucket of the craziest donuts ive ever seen at the portland show last night!! They were reallly good. Sorry for the lack of pics, I'll make sure my next post has more, its just hard to take good pics on a sidekick :). Talk to you guys soon!!Jacko #3------------------------------------------------------------ Yo Babaayyss, Last nights show was off the hook! I love playing at The Boardwalk in orangevale calii. The crowd was as wild as usual and a bunch of kids were singing along. A lot of the same kids who saw us there on the Amber Pacific tour came back. Its always cool to see so many familiar faces,,,cough cough hint hint nudge...you get the idea folks! The next couple shows should be interesting...reno and vegas. I wont be able to gamble but at least ill be able to look at a lot of lights. We all have family comming out, so that should be exciting. I havent seen my brother and sister in ages and i know their gonna be wasted so that means they will be even more friendly :) Also Meg n Dia join up in vegas which is sick, SO SIKED FOR THAT!!! We met them on warped and their super nice. anyways i think its time, i go to In and Out because after this tour im not going to be able to go back for a while :( im going to eat there everyday twice a day until we leave Arizona. Ive attached pics from our set on the Epitaph stage at this years Bamboozle Left and also some pics of our acoustic set the 2nd day! Thanks to everyone who watched us either/both days :) love you peace peace n a bottle o' hair grease, jack #4------------------------------------------------------------ Wow...vegas has to be one of the strangest places on this earth. First of all we showed up in Reno (shity city) only to find that only sugarcults crew was there and the show probably wasnt going on. We were welcomed by a hooker in a pink tanktop and no teeth asking if we had any shirts we could give her...Thankfully we have power windows and middle fingers. Thankfully zack was asleep or he might have took her up on some of her offers...he's getting desperate you know..just kidding! Anyways we decided to hang out with sugarcults crew for a little then start the drive to vegas early since it was 8 house. We got to go over the Hoover Damn which was sweet. It's seriously Vegas Vacation all over again! Anyways, we got to vegas around midnight and it was a fantastic site! My bro and sis were staying at the MGM so thats where i headed. Rian to the Excalibur, Alex and Matt to the Venecian and Zack to the Luxor. We all split up and hung out with our fam for the evening. My brother took me around vegas and boyyy was it interesting. I was approached by numerous drunk people. It was basically like an Ocean City, Maryland for older people. It's just a place for adults to drink, walk around drunk, act like teenagers and maybe gamble a bit here n' there. it was Akward to say the least. Anyways the next day was the show at the House Of Blues at Mandalay Bay...probably one of the nicest venues we have ever played. We introduced ourselves to the Meg n Dia folks and got to know our new tour mates as we shared a dressing room. We soon found they are awesome people and they share a love for getting wild! The show was pretty cool, and the crowd was big. It was weird though because the merch was not in the venue, it was in the cassino haha. Anyways Vegas was an experience we wont forget, and I cant wait till we go there again. I hope the next time we go, were 21...actually nevermind because that would be three years :)stay rad, Jack #5------------------------------------------------------------ Lame! Tonight was our last show on the Sugarcult Tour featuring The Pink Spiders and Meg n Dia :( Damone will be taking our place on this great lineup. I am jelous that they get to join up! Anyways we made some lifetime friends on this tour and it was a great experience for everyone. Every single show was amazing and the fans never let us down. Traveling to bumfuck arizona and hearing a couple hundred kids sing your song is the coolest feeling ever. Sugarcult was very warming towards us and their personalities suprised the shit out of me. they were such cool guys and even when zack was sick they made him soup and gave him Emergen-C. WHO DOES THAT !?!? Thats like something my mom does...so in a way Sugarcult are our parents. They actually reffered to us as their younger brothers on stage. At the last show of the tour in Little Rock, Arkansas us and Meg n Dia ran on stage during "Bouncing Off the Walls" and started bouncing around and took over Tim's Guitar n Mic, Marko's (my twin) guitar and Airens Bass. It was so fun to bro down with a band that ive been listening to since middle school haha. Alex also got to soundcheck with sugarcult at Texas AM College because tim was at the hospital taking care of his sickness (i think he had a nasty cold). It was so crazy to see alex soundcheck with a band who for the past few years have held a special spot on my ipod and in my cd player :) I attached a pic of him sound-checking for fun. At the end of the show we said our goodbyes and gave our hugs. This is'nt the end of these friendships though, only the beggining...now we head home to write a new cd. Catch us on the road in the northeast in december when we head out with Cobra Starship! Stay safe, Jack

chocolate 🍫

Ruby loved the taste of chocolate. It was rich in flavor and she could even taste it on her lips hours after she had eaten it. It tasted like warm hugs. It tasted like bliss. Like happiness.

She was unaccustomed to making things by herself, as her dad or her sister always did the cooking. Ruby was very, very bad at cooking. But she was craving chocolate chip cookies and no one was around to bake them.

No one, except, Oscar. Oscar had been distant these days, and Ruby was often afraid that he was planning to run away again. He liked to hide in his room and told Ruby often that he wasn’t hungry. Ruby would feel bad and sneak him one or two cookies Yang had made underneath his door. When she had peeked undneath the door the next morning, she was alarmed when she spotted the cookies right where she had left them.

She wanted to talk to the boy. She really did. She didn’t have anyone to talk to these days. Her team and JNR still treated her like a kid even though she was almost an adult. They were all barely adults, yet liked to treat Ruby like a baby. Despite them supposedly realizing that Ruby was just as capable as them, in the end, she was still a kid. The only person they babied more than Ruby was Oscar.

Ruby pitied the farm boy and only wished for him to heal from whatever was ailing him. Today, she decided. Today, she would get Oscar to talk.

She opened up Nora’s “secret” snack cabinet and took a few pieces of chocolate from it. Nora wouldn’t mind, as long as Ruby bought her more later. Ruby pocketed it and carefully headed upstairs. She stopped at the boy’s door and gave it a knock.

There was no reply.

“Oscar? Oscar, it’s me Ruby.”

Ruby heard a creak. And then silence. She knocked again, harder. “Oscar, it’s me. Open up!”

The door never opened. Ruby was getting impatient, now. She was worried Oscar was hurt. She had tried giving him space, but she was concerned that something was going on behind those doors.

“Oscar! Oscar!”

There was once again no reply. Ruby’s stomach was bubbling and something was telling her that Oscar was in big trouble. She backed up, and prepared herself, before using her speed semblance to barrel into the door. It didn’t hurt as much as she though it would, and the white door splintered to many pieces across the carpet. Yikes. Hopefully the farm boy wasn’t in the way of the splinters.

Ruby stopped herself and took in the sight in front of her. Wooden pieces lay around the room. It smelled of rotten food and she wondered if he still had leftovers from a few nights ago.

What really surprised her, however, was how Oscar was curled up on the ground, his face slick with sweat. He wore his green pajamas yet he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. Dark circles were visible around his eyes. Ruby rushed to his side, wrapping her arms around his torso.

“Oscar, speak to me! What happened?” she asked panickedly. The boy was trembling, she could feel it. Ruby knew what to do in these situations. Well. Maybe she did. Usually she would recommend milk but it seemed that Oscar needed more than that. He needed a doctor. But how fast could she get there? Even with her semblance, she had no idea where a doctor could be, and she could only explode into petals ever so often. She rested Oscar’s head on the ground and stood up. “I’ll be back, I promise.”

She rushed downstairs, scrambling to the kitchen. She opened up cabinets and threw everything to the floor in hopes she could find some medicine. But there was nothing. She found a jar of honey and a lemon.

“Damn this,” she growled, frustrated. Taking a bowl, she squeezed the lemon into the bowl before spooning in some honey. She heard that lemon and honey were good for a sore throat. However, something told Ruby that Oscar had more than a sore throat. She mixed it together before grabbing a rag and soaking it in cool water. Oscar needed her. Back upstairs she went.

She reached him again, and he seemed even worse. He was unresponsive and his shaking wasn’t any better. She rested the cool rag on his forehead and tried to sit him up.

“Oscar... I’m going to feed you some honey. Is that okay?”

His head rolled to the side and she could only assume that was a yes. She took a spoonful of the mixture and shoved it into his mouth. It dribbled out. The thick mixture made its way down his chin and the huntress had to clean it up with the rag.

“Come on Oscar, I need you to swallow! Please!” she begged. Where was her sister when she needed her? Her uncle? Her friends? Maria? They all went shopping for groceries and ammo, and Ruby was left behind because Oscar had refused to respond when they asked him if he wanted to go. They would know what to do. They would know what to do because they were...

“Adults.”

Ruby was wrong. She was just a stupid kid who thought she could do anything. She was dumb and naïve and now her friend could die at any moment. Oscar could die and all she was doing was force-feeding him honey. If he didn’t get professional help, something might happen.

She left the bowl on the floor and stood up. She pulled Oscar by the arms and hauled him up before putting him on her back. He was a small kid, but he still weighed a lot on her back. She attempted to get downstairs and out the door before she got weary. She trudged down a dirt path, hoping she would get to a town square soon.

Evenatually, she had to resort to dragging Oscar because he was getting too heavy. He started moaning and she wasn’t sure if he was getting warmer, or she was. It was worse dragging him, because he started to moan more, probably because he was in pain.

“Ruby... help me... it hurts Ruby... it hurts,” he groaned. His breaths were and it become difficult for Ruby to carry him. She carefully dropped him on the autumn leaves and sat down next to him.

“Ruby, Ruby... Ruby...” the boy moaned. Ruby was getting panicked and was sure that she needed Yang. Now. She whipped out her scroll and dialed Yang. Once. Twice. Three times. After the third time, she started to cry. Small tears fell down her cheeks, staining them until her whole face was wet. She cradled the boy’s head in her arms and whispered a prayer to the gods that he would be okay.

“Please, please be okay,” she whispered, pushing a little of his hair back. His forehead was slick with sweat, which made Ruby wipe it with her sleeve. She wished in that moment that she was fast enough and smart enough to find a doctor.

“Oscar, I’m sorry,” she murmured.

Suddenly, a guitar riff played. Ruby quickly snatched the scroll up and pressed answer.

“Hello?” she asked, heart in her chest. She didn’t even know who had called her.

“Rubes?” Yang asked.

Ruby’s tears began to fall again. A smile graced her face as she spilled out what had happened.

“Yang, please hurry. I don’t know how long Oscar has.”

After she had hung up she pulled Oscar up and wrapped her arms around his body. She was so grateful her sister had picked up. Her heart felt relieved. He was going to be okay.

—————————————————————————-

Hospitals were always noisy. Sounds from crying babies, alarms, screaming people. Ruby didn’t quite like it. She had only been in a hospital once in her life, and that’s when Qrow had alcohol poisoning and the nearest place was some fancy hospital.

Ruby was waiting outside with Maria, Qrow, Yang, Blake, Weiss, Jaune, Nora and Ren. Nora was clearly panicked, as she saw Oscar as family. Ren was comforting her, and Jaune was silent and stoic. He refused to talk to anyone, and Ruby couldn’t bring herself to ask him why.

She was full of jitters and wanted nothing but to be next to Oscar, making sure he was okay. The doctor had said earlier he was in stable condition, but she wanted to see for herself. So far, Qrow was the only one who was allowed to see him.

Her foot tapped nervously on the linoleum floor and her sister was resting her hand on hers, trying to ease her worries.

“He’ll be okay, Ruby. You did nothing wrong. You couldn’t have used your Semblance for a long time. You didn’t even know where to go. It’s not your fault,” Yang murmured to her.

That’s the problem. I didn’t know where to go. But you did. But Ruby dared not share that with her sister. As much as she liked to rely on others... she always felt like she wasn’t doing enough, that she could be better. She always felt so out of place, even where she felt most comfortable, on the battlefield. Sure, she would swing Crescent Rose with vigor, and fight with all her best, but she couldn’t help but feel that she could have done more for them. When she saw her teammates down or when she saw Qrow getting struck by Tyrian, she wished she had done something beforehand.

“—go now!” her uncle’s voice echoed. Ruby shook herself out of her thoughts and reached Qrow’s eyes.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, kiddo, I know you’re a bit tired. You can go see him now.”

Not more than a second later, Ruby was in the room, seated at Oscar’s side. He was attached to this thing—what they called an IV, and he wore a blue hospital gown. He looked better, the color returning to his face.

“Oscar!” she cried out in glee. She was so glad he was okay. “I’m so, so sorry—“

“Ruby, don’t worry about it. It wasn’t your fault. I should’ve been eating. I... Isaw you pass cookies and meals to me. I would take them and look at them and then I just put them away.”

Ruby knew Jaune moved out of the room he shared with Oscar and resided on the couch out of anger.

“Why?”

Oscar took a deep breath. “Maybe its best if Oz explains.” A green light engulfed his body.

“Professor?” Ruby asked timidly.

“Yes, Ruby. I... Oscar’s having a hard time.”

“What?”

The professor—Oscar sighed. “You know eventually every host I take merges their soul with mine? Well, Oscar has been putting up quite a fight. That’s why he’s lost his appetite and is so weak. He’s trying to keep control of his body.” The professor sounded so ashamed when he admitted that. Ruby, however, was in shock. Poor Oscar was suffering because he wanted to have control of his own body. And Ozpin wouldn’t let him.

But what could Ruby do? They needed to finish this mission, and they needed Ozpin, whether they wanted him or not. They also needed Oscar. She couldn’t tell Ozpin to let Oscar keep his body because this whole soul thing was out of his control. Oscar would keep fighting, she knew he would, until his very last breath....

“Damn the gods,” Ruby cursed, tears brimming in her eyes. She was so frustrated, so tired of losing. She just wanted to win, to win at something.

She just wanted to be strong enough to keep everyone she cared about safe.

“I-I’m sorry, Miss Rose...” Ozpin murmured. She could hear hints of Oscar’s voice which meant Oscar was trying to regain control again. Ozpin couldn’t even control Oscar for long anymore. How long did the boy have until he was completely gone?

“Ruby?” Oscar asked. Ruby choked back a sob, running her hand through her hair. She stood up and reached down for Oscar, giving him the best hug she could without injuring him.

“Oscar, I’m so sorry you have to go through this.”

Silence. The two stayed in their hug for a while until Ruby heard Oscar’s stomach growl. It was a furious and hollow sound and it made her giggled. She let go of him and wiped her tears. “You want me to call a nurse for you?”

He shook his head. “I had this gross porridge this morning. The doctor said I just need to eat some liquid stuff until I can handle solid stuff. I’m really craving chocolate right now, for some strange reason.” He laughed, a refreshing and comforying sound.

Chocolate?

“Oh yeah!” She reached into her pocket and held out the crumpled chocolate. It was a bit soft, and probably not safe to eat, but the two didn’t care. Ruby watched as Oscar eagerly bit into his piece before biting into hers.

She finished hers and smiled a little at the sight of Oscar enjoying his chocolate.

“Is there something on my face?” he asked, catching her smile. Ruby shook her head and laughed. “No, no. I’m just glad to see you eating. I was really worried about you Oscar. I felt so horrible when I couldn’t get help for you.” She heard her own voice breaking again.

“Ruby, don’t cry. I’m... I’m alright. I’m going to keep fighting. I do want to save the world... but I want my body back in the end. I won’t let myself be another one of Oz’s hosts.” He took her hands in his and looked into her eyes. “That’s a promise.”

Oscar nodded, affirming his stance. Last time he was so weak that he couldn’t even eat.

“I do realize Oz needs my body, so I’m more than willing to share so I don’t end up here again. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let him take over. I’ll do what needs to be done, if that means we win in the end.”

Ruby nodded. “You’re right. You’ll be the last of these hosts. Somehow, we’re gonna defeat Salem, and everything is going to be okay.”

Ruby sat back, feeling a sense of okayness. They were going to be fine.

“And Ruby?”

“Hm?”

“You’re one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself when you got such an amazing family, always watching your back. Don’t feel like you have to do everything yourself. You did what you can, which is more than a lot of people can say. You’re amazing, Ruby.”

Amazing.

“Thanks, Oscar. You’re pretty swell yourself.”

They had a little time to themselves until María and Nora insisted on seeing the boy. Ruby settled back with a huge grin on her face as the two fawned over him.

Ruby felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Yang by her side, Blake and Weiss coming after her.

“You did good, Ruby. That’s the happiest I’ve seen him in days.”

“You really think I did enough?” Ruby asked. Weiss rolled her eyes. “You dolt, stop trying to compare yourself to others. You’re... just good as yourself.” A blush spread on Weiss’ face.

“That’s pretty sweet of you to say Ice Queen,” Yang laughed. Blake wrapped Ruby in a hug, and even Jaune and Ren got in it too.

“How are you going to forget me? I’m also concerned about the kid,” Uncle Qrow’s gruff voice exclaimed.

“Aww, Uncle Qrow!” Ruby attacked her uncle in a tight hug. She was a bit surprised when he hugged her back.

She met Oscar’s eyes after releasing herself from her hugs and he gave her a little smile, one that held a promise.

A while before everyone had to leave, Ruby stopped to say goodbye to Oscar.

“Hey, Ruby. Do you happen to have any more of that chocolate?” the young boy asked.

“Uh, no. I stole these from Nora.”

Oscar pouted, and Ruby giggled in response.

“Don’t worry, I’m quick. I’ll be able to get you some more when you come home. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Bye.”

When Ruby shut the door, she followed Yang to the lobby where they were going to go back to their cabin. Her uncle was going to stay with Oscar for the night. As she left the hospital grounds, she took the final piece of chocolate and shoved it in her mouth before anyone could look at her. Of course she wanted to give some to Oscar, but she had realized that she was craving something sweet (even though she had just eaten chocolate). She deserved this. Something small for doing her best.

———————————————————————

What the heck was this? This was supposed to be RoseGarden/dealing with Oscar’s possible anxiety but it turned into them eating chocolate and staring at each other for minutes on end instead. ??? alright then

Better School Daze * I had been dating a girl that same year. I don’t know how I pulled that off, it just kind of happened. I’d bring my acoustic guitar to school and saw she could play too, so it went from there. But man, I was even timid around her. It took me forever to grow the guts to kiss her, much less, hold her hand. Everything was on her schedule because she had to make the first move, every time*. * I was the first in my group of friends to go all the way, sexually, though. So I had that going for me. It felt like real love at the time. I really thought I was (more on that later...).* * I was able to go to prom with her since she was a junior, while I was only a sophomore.* *This was another reason for my experimenting with alcohol. I’d be an idiot kid when it came to prom and the many after parties, if I had never drank before.* So there I was, sitting comfortably in World History, feeling beyond great. I could feel as though my eye lids were hanging on for the dear lives. They descended into two slits in the middle of my face, while my mouth was gaping and giggling. Who knows what was so damn funny, I just had to laugh. I had taken about five swigs in a three-minute period. A tingling sensation grew in the back of my neck, as well as the top of my head. The rest of my body was numb, inside and out. Internally, my conscious revealed that I had just been reborn. I couldn’t remember who or what I used to be, only what I was now. I turned around to Sam, sitting behind me, and whispered, "Oh my God, getting drunk is awesome!” She glanced at me, lifted her eyebrows as high as they could go, surprised, exclaiming, “I know." All the while, nodding her head. I turned back around in my seat—a chair connected with half of a desk, instead of the full ones we had back in the middle school days. I wasn’t able to get that goofy grin off my face. I was permanently, The Joker from Batman. Sensations of confidence flowed through my body and soul like waves on a beach. Filling me with, what felt like, a new power. A secret that I had found. And it was all mine. I took another long swig from the bottle that was now half-full. I sat up a little and took a long look around the room at everybody. It was dark, but I could still see all their faces. Now, normally, I’d be thinking everybody was looking at me, judgingly; however, nobody was looking. Nobody was judging (except maybe Sam, who probably thought I was an idiot for drinking in class). This was what having no worries, no fears, and no inhibitions felt like. This was how I was supposed to be—without a care in the world. I didn’t care what others thought of me anymore. I was able to be my true self. It was an awesome thing our substitute put on some boring-ass movie, otherwise, I probably wouldn’t have had this spiritual and mental revelation. I put on my inconspicuous headphones—my desk was across the room from the teacher’s desk—and pressed play on my Disc-Man. It was a fast-paced punk band known as The Casualties. Their music was blaring inside my head. It seemed like my ears were bleeding. That felt impeccable. *I* felt impeccable. I wanted to jump out of my desk-chair and go wild. Dance in front of everyone like they weren’t watching, and who gives a damn if they were, too. I needed to keep myself hidden though—I still had that sense—so instead, I sat back and slunk down in my chair. Loving myself. Loving life. After all these tortuous years, I was finally comfortable in my own skin. I ended up killing the bottle by next period. * I gotta do this again.* ________________________________________ *Beep, bzzzz, beep, bzzzz, beep*— The radio clock read 5:00pm in digital, red numbers. Our time was up for this session. I turned to look at Gail— "Wow, there's so much more that I gotta tell you." "I'm sure there is. What a story, so far! I am very glad you had the courage to tell me certain things. Thank you. That was very brave of you," she said. I sat up, then glanced down at my black chucks, shaking my head, "that's funny. 'Cuz that is nothing compared to the rest." I looked at her, eyes up but my head down. She jotted down something on her clipboard. Maybe where I left off in the story, for when I'd see her next time. But I wasn't ready to end it there... "Can I at least finish the high school part? It won't take but a minute." She looked at the clock again and asked if I could make it quick. I nodded and began, again— "Ok, well... I ended up breaking up with that girl I was dating back then, after I went to prom with her and her friends twice. She was crushed, heartbroken. Didn't know that would come back and bite me in the ass later. "I started experimenting with pills which went great with alcohol. I remember in Geometry, feeling the Valium kick in with some vodka I drank earlier. As it kicked in, The Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" started to play in my headphones. I slowly melted into my seat feeling pure ecstasy—until I later tried real X at a show, which was truly surreal. I loved X. Took it every time I had the chance. I didn't care for mushrooms or acid, though. I had had a bad trip when my parents weren't home and my buddy brought over a gallon-sized Zip-lock bag of shrooms, then told the five of us to eat up. I wish I knew how much I took 'cuz it was horrible, everybody went insane. I tried acid and found it a lot more smoother than caps (or shrooms), until I felt a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. It hurt so bad. I couldn't tell my parents because I thought it was from the acid. A day later, I couldn't bear the pain anymore so I eventually told my parents. They took me to the Emergency Care doctor who said I needed to be rushed to the hospital. My appendix had ruptured," I laugh, "a doctor in the E. R. told me I'd be dead, had I waited another day"— "Oh my god!" Gail stopped me. "Ok, this is becoming longer than a minute. Let me check to see where my next client is." "Sure thing, doll." *Every female nurse or counselor has been a victim of my charm*. After she picked up the phone and waited a few seconds, she started talking. I took glances around the room looking at the different furniture, pictures, and little knick-knacks she had. Of course, she had a full bookcase containing probably every textbook she bought for schooling and counseling. She had two different versions of the DSM, including the most recent one (DSM-IV, at the time). The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It's used to categorize and determine a patient's diagnoses. It has a list of every single disorder or disease you can think of. If your therapist doesn't have one on their shelf, it's time to find another one. She hung up the phone after a minute and said her client was running a little late so I can continue if I want. "Of course I do. Quickly, though." I gestured my hands in a chop-chop motion. Then stuck out my index finger, rolling it. "I had a band back then, too, where I played drums. Sorta hippy jam band, but we had a decent following. It was right before our last show when my appendix flaked out on me, so we had to cancel the gig. I was super pissed. "So back in high school, I was always at school, high." *I laugh at my corny-ass joke. *"I was drinking everyday or getting tipsy, at the very least. Then I'd have a wicked hangover at the end of the day. That's when the drugs came in handy. I started doing cocaine at parties, then quickly, everywhere. As a senior, I'd sell key bumps to underclassmen for five bucks each. Stupid kids. Then we graduated. When I walked, tons of people cheered. The alcohol was my liquid courage throughout the years, which brought me out of my shell and into life. I became a popular guy, knowing almost everyone in my school and dated some very cute girls. On the other hand, I was becoming an alcoholic, though I didn't know it at the time. Even for graduation, I took some X and drank before our school-run grad party, afterwards. "Out of high school, nothing changed. I kept drinking. Blacking out became a routine thing for me. I felt like a detective the morning after, trying to figure out what I did the night before. I was constantly sneaking out of the house and fighting with my parents. They couldn't take much more of my destructive behavior, so we agreed that I go see a therapist. We tried to keep it a secret, but I didn't care, I was either drunk or high on something. Even when I met up with my new shrink. I could not talk to him unless I had drank beforehand. "This one time I had to pay a bum to get me a pint of whiskey, so I ended up being late. In his office, I would talk and talk and talk, usually about nothing, and always being a smart ass. This lasted a few months, until one day I could see and feel what the drugs and alcohol were doing to me. I had scars and bruises obscuring my pale skinny body. My parents then brought up rehab. Initially I said, "no, absolutely not!" "Until, I finally gave in and told my shrink that I was sick. His eyes were half-closed with his head resting on his hand when I said, 'I think I need help.' "He jumped up as if he'd been shocked by a taser. "Yes, yes, you think?" The expression on his face was of huge relief. I think he was tired of my blabbing and knew I drank every time I saw him. So he called my parents, who had already found a rehab, and two days later... I was off." I took a big breath in and slowly exhaled. "So then you went to rehab," said Gail, confirming. "Yep. The first one." I nodded. "Ok well, thank you for having the courage to tell me all this. I'll see you next week?" "Indeed. And that's when things get juicy."

Tagged by @annieleonhardt

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag

me phone

wallet

Keys

fidget cube

notebook and pen

Five Things In My Bedroom:

posters of shows ive been in

lots of books

clothes, everywhere

assorted half-filled notebooks

bottles filled with positive notes from others

Five Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do In My Life:

Become 100% fluent in Japanese

Learn to play the guitar

Finish a multi-chapter story (almost there!)

Be a mother

Become a teacher

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

My friends. You all know who you are. <3

Acting/ performing

Working out

Pokemon (and, of course, assorted anime. Armin Arlert, specifically.)

Expensive coffee

Five Things On My To-Do List:

Get a new job

Become semi-fluent in Spanish

Finish Icarus & I

Pack for college/ clear out my room for storage

Shift my life across the state of Texas bc school

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

I’ve been in theatre for two years (Varsity class for one year), and have been in 6 shows, four mini acting gigs for the public, and led one musical (Cinderella. A crazy show, that one.)

I have bipolar disorder and ADHD, and have lived a large chunk of my life in a large, incredibly dysfunctional family. Living with it and them has been a work in progress. I think college will do me some good.

I was in Varsity high school choir these past four years, and was the President the last two years. Got perfect scores in our annual competition, as well as regional and state Solo & Ensemble competition! Should get my varsity jacket in a month or so.

I may come off as intelligent, but I can be exceptionally airheaded IRL. I’m not nearly as knowledgeable as I make myself out to be.

I write songs, and half of them are raps. Performed one, recently, at a showcase, and it got great reception, which I’m really proud of.

Name?: Julianna

Nicknames?: Juli (what I go by), JuNANA, Jul, Jewel, Julia, Julio, Julius, Buli

Zodiac?: Virgo

Sexual Orientation?: Bi

Ethnicity?: Black, white, an insignificant percentage of Choctaw

Favorite Fruit?: Apple

Favorite Season?: Fall

Favorite Flower?: Either carnations or roses (basic, I know)

Favorite Scent?: Vanilla/brown sugar

Favorite Animal?: Orca whales. they’re so cool

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?: Coffee, def. Tea, if I feel like treating myself.

Cat or dog?: WHY NOT BOTH

Dream Trip?: hOOOO BOI do i wanna live in Japan. The culture seems so parallel to ours (U.S.); I think it’d be good for me to experience it. On top of that, I’d love to live in a place where you can just walk everywhere.

Number of Followers?: 424

What do I post about?: LOTS of snk, good chunk of Miraculous and Gorillaz, plenty of memes, and, mostly and specifically, Eremika, Armin Arlert, and Aruani

Do I get asks on a regular basis?: Not really. People have been messaging me about my writing, occasionally, though, so that always makes my day.

Favorite Band?: Gorillaz.

Aesthetic?: Old books and classic plays, tea/coffee, bodies of water and forests of trees, sunshine OR rain (either is great), sketches among poetry, laughing so hard your stomach hurts, singing in the shower after an hour-long workout, 90′s anime, Neon Genesis Evangelion, lofi hip hop, vaporwave (its all over the place, I know)

Fictional Character I’d Date?: Hoo boy. Eren Jaeger got me thirsty, but honestly? Personality-wise, Avatar Aang (in his late teen years, of course). I feel like we would click.

Hogwarts House?: Gryffindor w a capital G

Rules: BOLD the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else (used to be, anyway)

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi (does Uber count?)

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close at my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the united states

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s

I share my room with someone (technically, now, I do)

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone 

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

I tag @gg-swiggity @swinsword @thecrowsare-watching @psychedelic-memes @fulloffckingsins @spoilerarlert @forthedying @ceruleena @lyssala @wonderinghopingdreaming @allysonarro

1-99

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?XO - John Mayer Cabaret - Justin Timberlake Lights On - Shawn Mendes Bad Habit - The KooksHow Would You Feel - Ed Sheeran You’re Gonna Llive Forever in Me - John Mayer

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?literally John Mayer so I can ask him why the FUCK he played XO in Chicago and why that was only the 10th time ever and first and only time of TSFE tour he played it

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“Mom’s stumped us. We had absolutely no idea who she’d dredge” (I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson)

4: What do you think about most?how terrible life is and then how much i wanna die tbh

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Jena should i get dropped off at your house then we can go get joe & julie?” IOWA TOMORROW FOR ED :DDDD

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?always w shirt but no pants lol

7: What’s your strangest talent?hating life as much as i do idk i have no talent

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)girls r hot n nice boys r hot n mean

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah bc we were in love lol :(

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? idk i usually dont

11: Do you have any strange phobias?feet, being alone but also being in large crowds, idk theyre not very weird

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?no?

13: What’s your religion?idk man none atm prob

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?looking forward to going inside. but working and therefore reading.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind bc i am ugly lol

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?um probably panic at the disco but then also the killers

17: What was the last lie you told?“its fine” bc no it is not fine i wanna fight

18: Do you believe in karma?ya i think so. maybe

19: What does your URL mean?i like Justin Timberlake and also swearing

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?weakness is probably just who i am as a person and strength is idk i dont have any

21: Who is your celebrity crush?lmao. you say this like i have one. i have many. like thousands.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?nope

23: How do you vent your anger?talk to someone usually

24: Do you have a collection of anything?movie/concert/sporting event tickets and also empty gatorade bottles on my floor

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?phone bc im ugly

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?eh. better than what i was but could be better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate is my sisters voice lol love is john mayers voice bc he sounds like a fuckin angel

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i was someone else but not really someone else just like what if i was me with a better life or a differnt life in which things didnt always go so terribly for me ya know

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts maybe but aliens def

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm some paper hanging off my nightstand and left nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?the faint scent of clean laundry and lotion

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?hm.. great question. i feel like ive been to some pretty bad places but i cant recall any???

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?ive never been to either but east coast i think

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?justin timberlake bc hes one of the most attractive men in the entire world

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?bein happy, doin what you want, livin

36: Define Art.something someone creates

37: Do you believe in luck?yes i do

38: What’s the weather like right now?humid i think

39: What time is it?9:41 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nope to both

41: What was the last book you read?i recently finished “The Upside of Unrequited” and now im workin on “More Than This”

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?no i hate it it makes me nauseous

43: Do you have any nicknames?jules

44: What was the last film you saw?o fuck um fist fight maybe?

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?the sunburn i got in florida was terrible bc i couldnt walk for a day so im gonnna say that

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?no :(

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?brandon saad being a chicago blackhawk again, tommy la stella, john mayer, reading gay books

48: What’s your sexual orientation?bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?uuuuum possibly ??? idk

50: Do you believe in magic?nah but also maybe

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?in my mind yes but most of the times my actions dont reflect that especially if its been a while

52: What is your astrological sign?sagittarius

53: Do you save money or spend it?both. i allow myself to spend it as long as i still have a decent amount saved

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?lunch at panera lol

55: Love or lust?neither bc they both suck when ur alone

56: In a relationship?no lol

57: How many relationships have you had?zero

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nope i am not talented like that

59: Where were you yesterday?yesterday. i think i stayed home all day then me mary and joe hung out and went to get milkshakes at steak n shake

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?the inside of the bra bra sitting waiting to be put away lol

61: Are you wearing socks right now?indeed

62: What’s your favourite animal?sloths my fav

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?i dont have one bc if i did ppl would like me, tf

64: Where is your best friend?at home id assume

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.whats tumblr

66: What is your heritage?im italian but i was born here and so were my parents

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?watching an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia before i showered

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?satan satan

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?yeah lmao who hasnt tho

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?i think so sometimes but other times im the worst person ever idk how i have friends

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?fuck u boss i love dogs and if u hate dogs that much as to not understand the situation i dont wanna work for a dog hater. asshole.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a. maybe probably b. everything ive never done but wanted to c. probably

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.fuck. um. shit. id say love but then u cant trust the person you love so like… but at the same time i love love so much i feel like id die w/o it n ya know i dont trust anyone anyways so im gonna say love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?srsly…..Bye Bye Bye by *NSYNC bc i cant be sad listening to that song lolol

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?9077

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication n openness

77: How can I win your heart?just be nice to me lol i have low standards

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?yes i do believe so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?buying tickets to see john mayer lol that changed my life so drastically. my life is now pre john mayer and post john mayer. he literally fucking sang xo i will never get over it that will always be the happiest moment of my life im crying while typing this

80: What size shoes do you wear?8 - 9 ½ depending on the shoe

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?‘probably died because she said she wanted to die so often that death got sick of hearing it and killed her.“

82: What is your favourite word?fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.justin timberlake. god im so fucked lol

84: What is a saying you say a lot?'i hate my life’ 'i want to die’ 'u should fight’

85: What’s the last song you listened to?Fools Gold by One Direction lmao

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?turquoise

87: What is your current desktop picture?justin timberlake leaning on a car lookin all hot n shit

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?myself tbh

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?uuuum idk it depends whos askin ya know. id answer certain questions if asked by one peson but not another

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?probably cry and attempt but ultimately fail to go back to sleep

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?flying or teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?when john mayer played XO at my concert obviously

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?losing all the pictures on my computer bc i keep saying im over it but im really not that was the entire past 4 years of my life in pictures and videos and theyre just gone its bullshit

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?oh man. so many. but if i had to choose one justin timberlake. wow bet no one saw that comin

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?literally fuckin no where im seeing ed sheeran in a matter of hours im not leaving. but if it were a different day lol id say amsterdam or boston

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?not that im aware of

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?when i was a smol child yea h but not recently

98: Ever been on a plane?when i was a child yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?um lol idk probably nothing tbh i dont wanna be held responsible for whatever happens afterwards

tagged by @fadeslikewhispers tysm!!

Rules: bold what applies to you

its long, the the rest is under the cut, I’m not gonna tag anyone but if you want to do it, feel free!!

I am 5′7″ or taller (no way) I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair  My abs are at least somewhat defined ((nope, no way)) I have or have had braces (IVE HAD THEM TWICE, THIS IS MY SECOND TIME HAVING THEM)) There is something I would change about the way I look

Personality:

My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw or Slytherin I am an introvert ((kindaaa...)) I like meeting new people (IT REALLY DEPENDS <<SAME)) Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy mental challenges ((sometimes..) I’m playfully rude with people I know well )(and then I get afraid they dont know im joking)) I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it (get rekt) There is something I would change about my personality ((YE))

Abilities:

I can sing well I can play an instrument ((i used to play guitar, im not the best anymore but i still can)) I can do over 30 push-ups without stopping I’m a fast runner ((HAHAHA)) I can draw well ((one day man, one day)) I have a good memory  I’m good at doing math in my head ((i hate math)) I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute ((maybe a while back, not anymore tho)) I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch ((my dad taught my when i was like 7))

Hobbies:

I enjoy playing sports ((ICE SKATING)) I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else ((does synchro count?)) I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion ((not #1, but up there)) I do or have done martial arts ((i wish))

Experiences:

I have had my first kiss  I have had alcohol ((it burned my throat)) I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting ((YE)) I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi ((No, but ive been to new york)) I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country ((ye)) I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts (TOO LOUD, TOO MANY PEOPLE <<FOR REAL)                                      

Relationship:

I’m in a relationship I have a celebrity crush (nope) I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily  I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend 

((wow that says a lot about me))

My life:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school ((im homeschooled so...)) My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live (just... just missed it man) I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone                  

Random crap:

I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week ((not hard, but ye)) I know someone who has gone to jail ((i dont think so)) I have broken a bone ((I BROKE TWO WITH IN THE SAME WEEK AS EACH OTHER)) I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life (vague idea) I speak at least 2 languages fluently (i wish) I have made a new friend in the past year ((!!!))

Get to know me tag <3

I was tagged by @dearlyhyuk thank you!! <3333

Rules: bold the statements that are true

Appearance:

I am 5'7 or taller

I wear glasses 

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or had braces (hopefully getting them off next month or something)

Personality:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people i know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it (i keep saying ya yeet and dab out loud help me)

Ability:

I can sing well

I can play an instrument (guitar, violin, snare drums)

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

Hobbies:

I enjoy playing sports 

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

Fandoms are my #1 passion

I do or have done martial arts (taekwondo and judo)

Experiences:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol (but like only little sips)

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country (a long time ago tho)

I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts

Relationships:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them (I REGRET IT SO MUCH WTF)

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year (i mean im pretty sure i dont have feelings for them anymore because they moved away lmao) (if i do then....someone help)

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

My life:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close to my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling (like, 3)

I live in the United States

There is snow now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CDS

I share my room with someone

Random:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher that has a name that was hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (a lot of History’s songs cos i miss them) (ive only known them for a few weeks but still)

I have punched someone within the last week (my brother) (im sorry bro) (not really)

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone 

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages 

I have made a new friend in the past year

I don’t have anyone to tag (as usual) but if you see this and wanna do it feel free to tag me <3

massive q and a post part 4 ignore this pls

1. Is the grass greener on the other side? It depends on perspective I guess. To me, not really. All of us are going through some stuff in the inside.

2. If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one around to hear it does it make a noise? uuuuuh yeah, i’d say so!

3. Why does it always rain on me? (idk how to respond to this)

4. Have you ever sailed a boat? One time. It was kinda scary ngl but my brother basically did most things for me.

5. Do you love or loathe Harry Potter? Love. Bro, 2nd grade me reading books under the covers. Catch me with some Percy Jackson or HP.

6. Do you do your utmost for the environment? Of course mate. Though one person won’t have much effect on global warming, you gotta respect your surroundings.

7. Do you love or loather Eurovison? I only watched it once. Reminds me a lot of the Voice. I don’t really watch that type of stuff though.

8. Have you ever wielded a sword? YEAH. I got a plastic one for a skit in school and god it was so much fun doing choreographed fights. I felt cool.

9. If you were famous would you want a statue or a building names after you? Maybe something small. Nothing too big. Depends what I did to become famous too.

10. Whats your favourite type of fish? Why the Blobfish of course.

11. Which do you prefer pony tails or pig tails? Ponytails. I wear low ponytails like everyday because my hair makes my face irritated sometimes.

12. Whats the ultimate cake topping? Fruit. Enough said.

13. Do you like marzipan? It’s no bad.

14. Whats better? Center Parks or Butlins?  (I’m assuming this is another British thing for hotels)

15. If you were in a band, what instrument/role would you play? I actually was in a band during high school with my friends, except we barely performed. We just hung out in the garage playing songs we liked. I was the bassist, or sometimes when the keyboardist couldn’t make it I’d play piano. I wanted to try drums but i can’t move my limbs independently enough. I tried picking up the guitar but there’s too many strings lmao i can’t memorize enough chords

16. Can you erect a tent? Nope

17. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck it until I get bored, then i CRONCH it

18. Have you ever used a telephone book? (yeah im old enough to remember these things) I used it as fuel for a fireplace lol

19. If you have an mp3 player what size is it? I used to have one. It was smaller than my hand.

20. Do you still have any music on vinyl or casettes? No :( I don’t have a vinyl player but I have old casettes of Chinese Children songs lmao

21. Do you still have a camera that uses conventional film? My dad has one, but it’s out of batteries.

22. Approximately how many DVD's do you have? A lot. I have one of those books with DVD holders and they’re just movies like Shrek.

23. Approximately how many Albums do you have? Downloaded on my phone - a lot.

24. Do you talk to yourself? When I’m alone. I’ve done it before at school and I got crazy looks

25. Do you sing to yourself? ONLY when Im by myself. God forbid anyone hears me singing.

26. Do you know any identical twins? I know two pairs that’s my age, and a pair that’s 27 I believe.

27. Have you ever given blood? No, I really should as someone with blood type O+ but im a big WUSS when it comes to needles.

28. Could you ever be a medical guineapig? Nah. I need something that’s been tested. Because if they screw up, chances are they won’t know how to fix it.

29. Whats your favourite radio station? Classical music station for short drives because I don’t know like any of the “mainstream” stuff. But I just connect my phone to the car and listen to my own playlists.

30. Whats your favourite letter of the Alphabet?  X feels so exotic

31. Which is better? rollerblade or rollerskates? Rollerskates.

32. Have you ever written a love letter? No

33. How many valentines cards did you recieve this/last year? 5. They were all from my friends :)

34. What are cooler? Dinosaurs or Dragons? Dragons for SURE

35. Have you ever made your own ice lollipops? No

36. Have you ever made your own Ice cream? No

37. Which foreign language did you have to learn at school? and do you still remember enough to hold a conversation in that language? I did two years of Spanish in middle school, but for high school I went the easy path and took Chinese. Then again, most people who take Chinese already speak Chinese. I did it to jump to AP faster.

38. Do you know CPR? Only from the Office, but I’ve never had to do it before. I heard you have to keep pushing until the ribs break?? 

39. Do you have any swimming badges? Nah, I can swim but I sure am slow

40. Do you prefer digital or rotary/analogue clocks? I’m alright with either

41. How tall is the tallest person you know? 6′7″. Mate, I’m 5′1″, I literally have to tilt my head so high just to talk with him.

42. Have you ever got lost in a maze? omg yeah in New Zealand there’s this thing called a sensory maze. And at one point you go into this room where the seizure inducing lights are flashing on and off super quickly and it’s filled with mirrors. Me and my cousin were basically crawling on the floor because we kept crashing into mirrors.

43. Have you ever been attacked by a wild animal? No and I hope I never do

44. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. Don’t see a lot of camels in California

45. Whats your opinion on rats? They’re alright. As long as they’re not in my house

46. Have you ever been to a gym? Yeah.

47. Have you ever been in a helicopter? No, but it seems kind of fun

48. Have you ever cheated at a test? Okay, maybe a couple times but after 9th grade i STOPPED

49. Have you ever ridden a tractor? Yeah, I even wore a bandana.

50. Are you a gossip? No. I only spill tea around people I know who can keep secrets.

51. Have you ever cried at a film? Yeah. The last time was during Avengers Endgame when Black Widow sacrifices herself.

52. When you're ill do you struggle on regardless or just curl up in bed as much as possible? Well, coming from an Asian family, I developed that type of mentality where if it’s just a cold, then I keep going. If I have a fever, then I stay home.

53. Do you need to write down things to remember them? Most of the times

54. Do you keep a diary/journal? I’ve kept one since 6th grade. It’s so interesting to see how my mentality and thinking has changed over the years. From my lowest points to my highest, it’s so cool.

55. Are you scared of thunderstorms? Nah, unless there’s lightning close by. One time I was at Taiwan and there was lightning like right outside my house. Bro it’s the scariest thing ever. You see a flash of lightning next to the window and the house rattles with a BOOOOOM. Legit, it’s so loud

56. Do you have any unusual fears or phobias? I mean, needles are a pretty common fear so I guess not.

57. Whats your favourite disney movie? Lion King. The remake wasn’t that bad imo.

58. Have you ever slept in a caravan? Nope

59. Have you ever painted a house? I’ve painted inside one

60. Have you got green fingers? I mean, I’m alright with plants. 

61. Whats the tallest tree you've ever climbed? Not that tall because I slipped and fell one time and had the air knocked out of me. Thought I would die there lol

62. Have you ever dialed the talking clock? (another uk thing)

63. Do you always wear identical socks? I try to but hey, if I don’t care, then it’s a free for all

64. Do you live by any motto or philosophy? A couple actually. A lot of comes from the Bible, specifically the whole  Matthew 5-7 sermon on the mountain

65. Do you lick the yoghurt or desert lid? Yes, there’s so much on there.

66. Do you lick the spoon clean after making something sweet? Usually, unless it’s like raw or something

67. Do you like the sound of music? (the musical/film) I remember watching that on those old TVs during elementary school. I think it’s a pretty nice film!

68. Have you ever made your own orangejuice? Yeah

69. Have you ever sucked on a lemon? yes and i think i had a sweet lemon because it was honestly not sour

70. Have you ever licked a battery? no WTF

71. Are you a good aim with a rubber band? Ah, not really.

72. Have you ever played golf? Yee

73 .Whats the most unusual name you've ever come across? I met a Jezebel before. The name meaning itself isn’t bad, but that character in the Bible is associated with pretty bad things

74. Do you prefer to wash in the mornings or evenings? Evening showers>>>> you literally CANNOt change my mind

75. Have you ever danced in the rain? No. because I hate getting my shoes wet.

76. Do you like long or short hair? Long hair

77. Have you ever sworn at an authority figure? Nope. I’m a good kid

78. Have you ever walked into a wall? Yes. So embarrassing.

79. Whats your favourite precious metal? N/A

80. Whats your favourite precious stone? N/A

81. Could you ever hunt your own meal? No way. 

82. Have you ever read any comics? None of your standard American DC Comics, but yeah.

83. Where do you like to go to on a first date? Somewhere personal. Doesn’t matter where really. I mean personal like, a picnic on a grassy plain, or under a starry sky. Studio Ghibli vibes.

84. Do you prefer vertical or horizontal stripes? Horizontal I guess

85. Have you ever baked your own bread? Yeah and it came out like pita chips lol

86. Can you believe I can't believe its not butter is in fact not actually butter? I don’t eat that much butter, but I guess it’s what it says in the title?

87. Can you name all 50 American states? Yes. Capitals though? Maybe 70%

88. Have you ever owned a goldfish? Ive had a beta fish and two guppies in second grade. 

89. What was your favourite school subject? Orchestra and Literature. A lot of people are surprised at my choice of lit. But I actually love reading and analyzing, though writing papers kind of suck. The problem for me when it comes to writing papers isn’t coming up with a topic, it’s wording it in MLA format. Like I could discuss with people all the time but its hard to organize my thoughts.

90. What was your least favourite school subject? Math. Which is a bit odd because I’m actually not too bad at it. But I’ve had the most mental breakdowns when it comes to math. Geez, AP Calc was a ride. I also cried in Chemistry once. 

91. Have you ever passed wind in an embarassing situation? Not that I can’t think of. And Im sure if I have, it would be engraved in my memories.

92. Have you ever played the bongos? Yeah. Pretty fun.

93. Have you ever handled a snake? Yeah it was a smol milk snake. He was a shy boy.

94. Have you ever assembled furniture by yourself? OMG YEAH from Ikea it was such an experience. The satisfaction of sitting in a chair you built all by yourself is so satisfying.

95. When did you last go to the beach? Like... a while ago. A year ago maybe.

96.  When if ever did you last go to london? Haven’t been there, but totally would!

97. What do you do to cool down when its hot? Sit inside with a fan, or A/C

98. Whats the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? Okay now don’t judge me on this one but i LOVE century eggs. It’s not too uncommon to find them in Taiwan.

Ok so

I met this girl about a month ago I started talking to her and the night I did I happened to go to jail.. we talked about how she was too good and hot n cool for her bf. when I went to jail she thought I ignored her pbly, she went back to her man. so a week goes by I'm outta jail n contact her again. I take her out to eat and then we hangout again and fuck( the ex doesn't believe we've fucked still even tho it's obvious where's his gf been)so here's where it gets fucked So right after we finished having sex for the first time (which was really good actually) her friend texted me that I hung out with the day before and wanted me to pick her up. I figured I'd never have a chance to pull a double in one night again she texted me literally as we finished I wanted to fuck again n she didn't she creamed all over me and she's good in bed so I tell her I'm going to go fuck her friend and she says we're just friends I don't care even tho we just finished having sex I was like ok well Ill be back in the morning before you wake up So I go pick up her friend and I hold her hand and then we get to a spot and she gets out and says she's coming back to the car but never does she pussied out I think Anyways we hangout still and bone again while on her period I film a porn of us fucking doggy in my car but she deleted it we could of made $1000 bucks I ate her ass on her period even I thought I was gonna get pink eye A couple days go by she fucks her ex again she was with him for a year I go and fuck some random chick I meet cause I figure it's only fair idk how much she cares but I care alot and love her since the first few days when I went to jail I was thinking about her and her daughter So I fuck some other chick while she's with her ex I don't even care about them hooking up I believe in doing what you want and need and being happy so I fuck this other broad for hours 5 hours probably no condom can't nut her pussy was too tight even and my other girl has a daughter n her pussy is tighter the first time we fked her pussy was tighter than hella girls I've fucked I know it sounds like fk this or fk that but in the end we never even kissed until after the 3rd time we fucked I wanted an intimate first kiss isn't that crazy we needed each other that bad she cheated on her now ex or bf whatever she calls him he's a nerd and a dickhead So the other day I drive my girl who's a friend over to hang out with her ex and talk to him so they're talking and I am like fk it I gotta go so I back up and accidentally hit her while she's talking to her friend I backed up a lil too much she didn't get hurt but she jumps in the car n starts hitting me then her ex thinks that's an excuse to let out nerd rage and breaks 3 of my fucking car windows while I'm in the car(I sleep in my car atm) I'm in between places so the asshole breaks my windows like it's a thing to do btw this dude is homeless no job lives in abandoned buildings and he thinks he's the shit I'm like no bro I'm the shit I fuckin beat his ass and he is 3 inches taller and bigger I jumped on this fool and knocked him so to sum it up this dude got his gf who's my bestie fucked by me then he got his assbeat by me then he broke my windows which he can't afford to fix what a loser right? So I now borrow money from my parents to fix these fucking windows which fucks me up on rent next month and the only place to sleep or kick it in this weather is the abandoned building spot where dude sleeps we do heroin and meth in this building all these homeless kids I play guitar n shit for em I can't kick it at the abandoned building anymore he sleeps at he'll try to stab me pbly he's retarded he assaulted my girlfriend who's open relationship with me she seriously has no trust for me and had the right to sleep with her ex after I tried to fuck her friend doesn't that suck she's so insecure and sad about what I did we're still best friends but she was so happy the first night we had sex and when I left her house to fuck her friend a hour after it probably hurt hella bad I don't even realize she cares about me and am hella dumb...I still take care of her n shit she's my bestie we've only known each other for a month now She's also a pornstar already with 300k views I think she's hot as fuck I always wanted to date a pornstar I got tons of views from music and skating and I have a video of me Jackin off on Facebook it was on for a minute Right now she is refusing to have sex with me but we have separation issues at the same time I finally got an excuse to kiss her which was after having sex more than once no kissing involved crazy right I got to kiss her cause her bf assaulted her she was in the hospital isn't this shit crazy?? Just this month I got jacked in a drug deal for 100 dollar bill I got fake coke I lost a wallet with over 300 in it I lost all my cards n can't afford to even get my driver's license again sleepin in my car cause I decided to buy a new guitar instead of pay rent and sleep in my car and stay up on meth all day So I just shot some meth into my foot I have a broken foot from skating that's why I'm not pro I had a 3 year break plus it never healed right I'm lucky I can run and walk I had to relearn how to skate completely I even filmed a video partand clips on this broken foot So my story I grew up skating 12 with my friends in 6th grade we got instruments to make a blink 182 band I got stuck on bass I played bass through advanced level school band but we never practiced once for the blink 182 band So I start skating and I meet Chris billington my best friend my parents always say he's no good but she says that about everyone of my friends she thinks I'm bad news so fk it So one day we're at rush bump a skate spot it's a big old loading dock ramp and I kickflip it and that's when Chris billington becomes my filmer We film for days and make a video part gets like 5k views one of the first internet skate parts Josh newsham we actually filmed it on a stolen vx1000 camera how else would kids afford such equipment lol so I keep skating and get sponsored and film more all my best stuff at 18 this stuff gets deleted and ruinz my skate career It got deleted cause my friend Chris his camera broke so we switched filmers to a new filmer in town Massimo During the footage transfer Massimo leaves some porn on a hard drive to get my skate clips from PC to PC there's a dog fuckin a girl on there dirty feet all sorts a shit so we all start gossiping about it to one another and I end up losing my footage Massimo now films all pros nyjah mainly and also films Justin bieber music videos now So around 19 I break my foot in a bowl doing a boneless I heal for two years and just snowboard and skate a lil relearned everything so around 21 Chris billington randomly runs into my mom at the mall and contacts me I end up playing bass guitar with him and we start a band he called mindflowers We play shows for a few years have different lineup changes I even played drums in the band for second we never played a show but we had 6 songs down eventually Chris has two kids and can't tour so I'm stuck alone I finally take intiative and last year I had my own band I ran and played electric guitar and wrote and sing the songs we broke up last year sometime I was on acid for the first time at our last show I reassessed my life broke up with my ugly gf I was embarrassed of her name was Kelsey dillard hella gross double ds 32 makes 48k a year bought me coke everyday if she didn't I'd of broke up with her sooner pbly I lived with her in an apartment in midtown I never had money to move out on my own before that I always wanted to live downtown I'd fuck her too loud her roommates kicked us outta the place we went back to parents for a sec it sucked that relationship sucked socbad I was so not happy the whole time So I broke up with her cause I wanted to go see mid 90s one day and I wanted to go to guitar center and get a new guitar practically my work equipment she couldn't get her lazy ass up to go with me so I broke up with her I took her back after she cried then she broke up with me LOL That was last year this year I've slept with 7 different girls I think a Kelsey and the girl I hangout with right now my bestie her name is kellsie so there's 3 Kels's ive fucked lol I just started having sex last year the first night of our first show I lost my Virginia it's not funny I tried to save it for marriage I've fucked 8 girls total maybe since then and they have all been in one night stands except for my friend im hanging out with right now we didn't have sex for a week or two n she had to breakup with her bf cause he's hella gay n broke my windows n got his ass beat by a 27 year old he's 32 lol So I had sex with this chick the other day within 30 seconds I said hey will you hold my hand I'm hella sad then she did then I just started hooking up with her I fucked her in the abandoned building place from stated above and I fucked her in my car while driving on the freeway hahahaha she sucked it while I drove too she was funny I kept trying to fuck her everywhere I fucked her on top of my car in this parking lot in the middle of the night cold as fk out I couldn't even nut for 5 hours no condom cause I was thinking about my friend I kick it with such a fked up story were still friends and hangout after all that shit me trying to fuck her friend after the first time we had sex but we didn't kiss I told her kiss me or I'm leaving to fuck your friend she wouldn't kiss me or let me kiss her so I left to fuck her friend her friend pussied out but I held her hand intimately cause the girl I fked hurt me so bad by not kissing me after we made love anyways yeah I had to beat up her boyfriend who's 32 both of us sleep with other people while knowing each other finally had a first kiss after 3 times sex isn't that interesting she even doesn't let me sleep in her room all the time cause she fkn thinks her ex will get mad even tho I'm over neways she's hot got cool style skater dope head chick her ex is ugly imo she says he's hot I don't think he is I would say so otherwise but this dude's a nerd has no job barely a bigger dick maybe I seen him fuckin her even I don't care I do but I don't he cares and tries to fight me with knives n shit all the time he broke out my windowsclike what a loser and assaulted my friend thats a girl like wtf all in a month I've dealt with all this shit oh and all while last week I performed my first hand flip during a live performance I went off stage and flipped in an open area I'll do it on bigger stages easy Anyways that's all I got for you Johnny membrane - out

Cell Phone Affair - Part Two

Amanda left the bus stop laughing to herself about John’s reaction. She made her way through the park, rounded a corner and saw a line of people waiting for service from a food vendor. Art’s Breakfast Bagels - Your Way, his sign announced. She danced her way along the line until she caught the attention of a fabulous dress woman. She stopped and looked at her with sad eyes.    “What’s your problem?” the woman asked.    “Hunger for one. It’s been two days since I ate last. Other than that, some jerk stole my cell phone and I need to call my sister to get picked up for a party tomorrow. I always attend family parties, even if they don’t like me. At least they feed me well.”    The woman frowned and shook her head. “I swear! Don’t they teach you anything at school? Did you graduate?”    “Yes, but I don’t know what you’re talking about. Would you be kind and let me use your cell phone. I promise I won’t run away with it.”    “You want a sandwich also?”    “That would be nice, but I won’t bother you about that. I’ll find something later or hit the free soup kitchen for lunch.”    The woman groaned and got her cell phone from her purse. She handed it to her and then hooked a finger in a belt loop of her jeans.    “It might break, but it will slow you down enough for me to grab you and knock a knot on your head.”    Amanda gave her a huge smile. “Cool.”    She dialed a number and waited. “Hey, Susan. Sorry I had to use someone else’s phone. Mine got stolen. What do I want? I want to see you on Saturday at noon at the water fountain in Walton Park. Why? Because you’re a coward and I’m tired of it all. You’re a great woman to sleep with, but enough is enough. If you don’t show and discuss it with me, I’m going to the Walton Post and come out of the closet and drag you with me. Maybe you’re joking about what you’re doing, but I’m not. I’m serious and you’re hurting me by treating me like a piece of shit. So, be there at noon on Saturday or prepare for exposure in the papers! It’s not right for you to play with my feelings and emotions and think you can walk all over me. You spend 6 months being intimate with me and now you want to be my friend and say it’s all my mistakes for loving you? Yes. I said noon on Saturday at the fountain in Walton Park. You’d better keep that date, woman! I love kissing your ass, but this time I’ll kick it and kick it good! Goodbye.”    She disconnected the call and handed the phone back to the woman. “Thanks. That was mighty kind of you. You have a wonderful day now.”    “Whoa! Are you okay? What the hell was that? Was that your sister or some other family member?”    Amanda frowned. “No. I wouldn’t be doing no lesbian love with a family member. That was Susan. She came on to me and I tried it once and found I like it and I liked her. For 6 sweet months, it was bliss and she kept insinuating and hinting that she wanted a very long-term relationship. I opted to accept because the love and everything with her was so real. Then wham. She’s out of my life and it’s my fault, but she can’t tell me why? All I did was love her. Bitch.”    “In that case, I agree with you. But why my cell phone? Oh, I get it. If you used yours, she’d never answer. Bitch. I hope she calls me back. I’ll add my icing for her cake and grind it in her face. You might be down-and-out, but you’re attractive and you’ve got a good heart and personality. You probably deserve better than her, but I’ll let you make up your own mind on that. And you have a good day also.”    “I will now. Thanks. Will you come to the park on Saturday at noon to support me?”    “I’ll be there. I’ll rearrange everything to get there and help you. She has me riled up now.”

   Amanda walked away, nibbling on an Everything Bagel with cream cheese, compliments of Danielle, and feeling good. She came across a taxi stand and people were lined up, getting inside yellow cars like lemmings jumping off cliffs. She walked past them dancing and humming and stopping occasionally to play some guitar and bow for their applause.

   She approached the 7th person in line, a man wearing dress pants and a long-sleeved blue striped shirt with no tie.    She waited until he finished his call and put on her pitiful, helpless look and waved timidly. “Excuse me, sir. I’m down on my luck now. A wonderful angelic woman back the street bought me a bagel to calm my hungry stomach. Some jerk stole my cell phone and I need to make an important call. I know that look. It’s not important to you, but it is to me. I’m supposed to be in Rantoul in 30 minutes to babysit for a cousin who’s paying cash and I’m not going to make it. Unless you want to give me a ride and detour to Rantoul before you go to where you’re going. Where are you going?”    “To work. I work odd hours at the ice factory, like from 10 to 6 4 days a week and 12 hours on Saturday.”    “No rest for the weary and overburdened. So, will you give a ride or I could use your cell phone and let my cousin know I’m not going to make it.”    He looked her up and down and handed her his cell phone. “You might be down, but you look too good to ride with you in a taxi right now. Help yourself until it’s my turn.”    “Thanks, dude.” She pressed the last-call function, highlighted the number and pressed call.    “Hey, honey. What’s up with you today? Do you miss me that much?”    “Not really. Don’t tell me I got the wrong number again. You don’t sound familiar. Who is this?”    “This is Jean and you have the right number. It came up Clyde on the Caller ID. What are you doing with his phone?”    “Using it. That should be obvious without asking unless you’re a slow learner. Are you?”    “NO! Who are you?”    “I’m Amanda Collins. And you?”    “I’m Jean! I told you that already! What are you doing with my husband?”    “Oh, him. I’m probably doing the same thing that you’re doing, but I’m doing it a little, no, a whole lot better than you.”    “What?”    “You didn’t know that? Don’t tell me you’re one of those women who take life for granted. You know, like after you say, ‘I do,’ you can slack off and wear granny dresses and curlers to bed and everything is all paradise. I got news for you, honey. That’s not the way it works. You have any kids?”    “NO! And when I get my hands on you, you won’t ever have them either! Give him back the phone!”    “Not yet. I’m not done and it’s rude to try to end the conversation early.”    “You’re pissing me off, woman!”    “Oh well. I enjoy golden showers on occasion. Tell you what, meet me at the fountain in Walton Park at noon on Saturday and we’ll take turns pissing on each other while the cameras roll.”    “Give him the damned phone, woman! Now!”    “Or what? Do you know where I am? Do you know where your husband is? I do.”    “Give it to him.”    “Here? You want me to give it to him here?”    “What are you doing?” asked Clyde, finally stopping his gaze and daydream and paying attention.    “I don’t know, but this strange woman wants me to kiss you at a minimum, right here.”    She stepped close and kissed him without moving the phone. “Wow! You do kiss very well. That was so good, I’d like a repeat. Come on. We still have time before we reach the taxi platform.”    “What are you doing? I’ll kick your ass, bitch!” yelled Jean.    “Just got a couple of great kisses from Clyde. Wow! Got a little worked up on them. But thanks. I appreciate that opportunity.”    “You’re welcome,” Clyde said. “Who are you talking to?”    “I’m talking to some woman named Jean. Do you know her?”    “My wife? What are you doing, crazy woman?”    “I’m doing what she said to do. Here, ask her if you don’t believe me.    “Jean, what the hell are you doing? Did you tell her to kiss me?”    “Yes, I think, I said give it to him, or you, but I didn’t know it was really you. She’s confusing. Who the hell is she?”    “I don’t know. I’m waiting for a taxi to go to the train station and she just stopped out of nowhere.”    “Then put her on the damned phone again!”    “Hello? This is Amanda. What can I do for you?”    “Besides drop dead, what are you doing?”    “Enjoying some great phone sex. I think this is the foreplay part. Kind of kinky, but very exciting. What do I do next?”    “Get ready for a fight, bitch! Where do we meet?”    “At noon on Saturday by the fountain in Walton Park. Do you know where that is?”    “Yes, I know where that is?”    “But not where your husband is?”    “Stop it!”    “Sounds like you did a long time ago. That’s a shame. He has a lot to offer.”    “That does it! I’ll be at the park at noon and at 12:05, you will die!”    “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, like saying ‘I Do’ in a chapel or elsewhere and not holding yourself to it.”    “Tell me that after I hold your head under water for 10 minutes, waterlogged heathen bitch.”    “Yada-yada-yada,” said Amanda.    She handed Clyde the phone. “She hung up on me. I’ve never been that rude to anyone in my life. And she hung up on me. She lays into me with all those threats and it’s my fault? I don’t think so. Anyway, you’re up next. You have a great day and see if you can get Jean to enroll in Anger Management classes. It might improve your marriage.”    He slid the phone back in his coat pocket. “You’re fucking unreal! Do you know that? How can you do that to people? Why hasn’t someone killed you before now?”    She shrugged. “I don’t know. It must be my angel-like face and personality. Are you coming to the park with her on Saturday? One of us will be the kicked and one will be the kicker.”    “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, weird woman.”

Gonerfest 13 (2016)

I'm in the homestretch of completing the photos from Gonerfest 14/XIV/2017, so in preparation for that, I'm going to pull last year's Gonerfest review out of the archives and post that.

I wrote about and photographed it for Razorcake last year.

I'd clean up and edit the piece before posting it, but I feel like I'd never run out of edits and corrections, so the text is presented in toto.

To read it with captioned photos and embedded samples of some of the bands listed, go to the Razorcake page. [Yeah, I linked it twice. What.]

Links to additional photos of the bands at Gonerfest 13:

Aquarian Blood

Black Lips

Blind Shake

Bloodshot Bill

Chook Race

Control Freaks

Counter Intuits

Fred and Toody

Hash Redactor

Iron Head

Kid Congo and the Pink Monkey Birds

Midnite Snaxxx

NOTS

Oh Boland

Opposite Sex

Pity

Power

Reigning Sound

Spray Paint

Useless Eaters

Rev. John Wilkins

So here, and so there:

In 2005, a couple of friends and I skipped out on college for a week to drive from upstate New York down to Memphis for Gonerfest II.

This year, I went again.

Pulling into the hotel lot after six-or-so hours of driving from one end of Tennessee to the other, I felt flashes of recognition as my surroundings aligned and overlapped with memories lying dormant, the distant cousin to déjà vu commonly referred to as, “remembering something.”

I drove past the outdoor pool, vividly recalling it as the place my comrades tried to baptize themselves back to sanity after a night of paranoia and hallucination wrought by their decision to partake in an impromptu fungal communion shared at the Armory after-party while Kajun SS and Evil Army performed.

We had the bright idea to spend that night sleeping in the van in order to save money on hotel rooms, but in lieu of wiggling our toes in the quicksands of dreamland, these guys had to sleepwalk through their own respective psilocybin nightmares while I clung to the grass and tried to let my equilibrium catch up to the way the world was spinning.

This time around, I was here to photograph, try to lock some things up in my long term memory for later use, and my only vices would be caffeinated beverages and late-night Taco Bell.

On Thursday afternoon, I got to the Goner Records store just in time to get manacled with a weekend pass wristband and given a Gonerfest XIII bag along with a seven-inch (with “Blood on the Line” by Aquarian Blood on one side, and “Demarche Fauve” by Couteau Latex on the other). I briefly peeped into the bargain bin where I had found a copy of a friend’s band’s LP when I had last come through. Months before, I was in the Goner store at the ass end of a road trip out West.  I’d found two copies, told him as much via text while in the store, and he immediately replied with a plea that I buy them so he wouldn’t have to see them there when he came down next. I’d bought one. The other was still there.

Once outside the store and on the corner of Cooper and Young, I had enough time to switch out lenses, second guess myself, rearrange them on the camera bodies, and repeat the act once more. To an outside observer, I imagine it looked a bit like a cup-and-ball trick in which I played the part of both magician and mystified audience.

Zac Ives gave a brief and endearing introduction expressing his pride in witnessing the trajectory Nots have taken thus far.

I’m not sure if I have ever seen a band rock a gazebo before, but if I have, none could touch the near-lethal dose of vigor and vim with which Nots did so. The only thing that might come close would not be a result of this hypothetical band’s talent or performance, but the delight I would find in finding an ample excuse to use the portmanteau, ‘shoegazebo.’

Natalie Hoffman is a killer. Though I couldn’t focus 100% on the performance itself while I was arranging things inside the frame of a little rectangle through my camera, looking back through the photos from the afternoon, I’m able to see the late September evening breeze in concert with Hoffman’s movements, sweeping her hair between shots from L’Oréal advertisements to Cousin Itt screen tests.

Similarly, Charlotte Watson is damned heroic on the drums. When I first heard Nots’ first album, We Are Nots, my first impression was that I loved the drums: steady, cymbal-sparse, and heavy on the floor tom. What I hadn’t anticipated was how animated Watson was while playing live. Her head and hair disembodied into their own independent entity, in constant motion except for when she needed to provide backup vocals, at which point she’d localize her movements for long enough to aim her mouth at her microphone. She moved in physical space with the dynamism of the statistical probability of an electron cloud.

Again, seeing photographs as she was sliced out of motion, it was like capturing paranormal activity that the naked eye can’t observe. Her eyes rolled back behind their lids to reveal only pearls of sclera in the interstices of brunette tendrils mid-whip, reminiscent of demonic possession or some psychic commune with ancient worlds that only Roky Erickson could understand.

After Nots finished, Goner-goers trickled in and out of surrounding establishments for sustenance and socializing until it was time for the post-prandial events. Having driven to and parked in the lot behind Hi-Tone with an excess of time and a lack of things to do, I decided to explore the surrounding area. When I got out of the car, I heard Reigning Sound soundchecking inside with “You Got Me Hummin’.”

Walking toward the rear entrance, I saw the back of a figure with blazing white hair that seemed to blend into the two fur pelts hanging from a leather vest that hung down past the knees, much like a cape or trenchcoat with none of the nonsense (or all of it, depending on one’s perspective). I briefly wondered if I had just spied a glimpse of Ric Flair, and if a Wrestlemania was taking place nearby.

It took a second for me to realize that was the back of the night’s MC, and should any trouble rear its head this evening, Jim Dandy would be there to the rescue.

Next I saw him, the leonine Dandy and his fierce white mane were on the Hi-Tone stage, introducing the first evening band, Hash Redactor. Returning from her earlier set with Nots was Meredith Lones on bass.

As much as I was aware of Lones’ talent while watching her with Nots, I was better able to see how much she was doing when she played in Hash Redactor. Unfortunately, either the set (or just the final song) ended prematurely when the singer’s guitar, amp, pedals, or some combination thereof, suffered some communication breakdown in the signal’s path to the speaker, and they stopped.

      The second band of the night was the Australian trio, Chook Race, the first of several antipodean bands to be featured this year. It was a shift to a sweeter, slower pace, the dulcet combination of Carloyn Hawkins’ and Matthew Liveradis’ voices are reminiscent of the Vaselines (which might be a lazy comparison on my part). They were a great act to coax the audience forward into the night.

Thus far into the post-Gonerfest doldrum haze of ordinary life, they are the band I most often listen to and always among the first I recommend to friends. They have nestled deep inside the marsupial pouch of my heart.

Just as Chook Race became the band heaviest in rotation after Gonerfest, the next band was definitely the one I listened to most in the days preceding the fest.

I was looking forward to the Counter Intuits because my only exposure to them had been listening to their albums. At the time, I had pictured a snotty twenty-something with a stupid/smart sense of humor. I was pleased and surprised to see it was a fifty-something dude who, to me, resembled an alternate reality in the multiverse in which Darby Crash never got lost in heroin nor strayed from the tried and true routes of beer, weed, and burritos.

This, of course, was Ron House of Great Plains, Psandwich, and Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments, among others. The other main Counter Intuit is Jared Phillips of Times New Viking, a band I have also enjoyed but failed to keep tabs on over the years for no other reason than I’d just forgotten to.

Upon my first listen to Counter Intuits, I went nuts for the guitar parts that seemed straight out of the old Country Teasers’ playbook. I was glad to see they played a few of my favorite tracks from Monosyllabilly including, “Dementia/Dementia,” “Sunglasses After Death,” and “Password (Is Password).”

At one point, House seemed to forget his own words, so he pulled out a pair of black frame glasses and a seemingly swamp-assed sheet of paper with lyrics scrawled out on it, which was legitimately charming.

Useless Eaters easily were the tightest, most together band to play the Hi-Tone on Thursday night. They were absolutely the most intense. Seth Sutton was economical in his movements, but like a boxer adept at conserving and distributing their weight for doling out a knockout, the guy just spewed power. Lise Sutter provided additional textures of noise, and both Sutter and Sutton would return to the stage as a duo on Saturday to open the Hi-Tone show as Couteau Latex.

As I waited in my spot by the stage, I saw someone bring out two black folding chairs with the letters T and F spray-painted in dripping red on the backrests. I began to dream up iterations of a logo that would combine the two letters into one, not unlike the ambiguous letter that indecisive grade-schoolers use when filling in a blank on a True/False quiz, hoping to invoke a sort of Schrödinger’s Cat duality where the answer exists as both sides of the coin and the grader will be hypnotized into seeing the answer that is meant to be there.

When Fred and Toody came onstage, the audience welcomed them with all the warmth, reverence, and appreciation that they deserve.

When I saw Dead Moon in 2006, Fred and Toody were joined by the late Andrew Loomis on drums. The drums were pulled to the edge of the stage to where the three of them were on an equal front, a staggered triumvirate of sound.

With only Fred and Toody onstage, their sound more resembled the production of their records. Whereas Dead Moon in a live setting was pounding and powerful, most of the recordings seemed to shift attention to the treble end of things, with the famed Kingsmen’s “Louie Louie” mono lathe playing some part in making the bass drum almost a figment of the listener’s imagination. It was an easy transition to hear the songs performed this way, in an acoustic/unplugged-type of arrangement, while still being completely electric and plugged in.

(Disclaimer: I feel the need to restrain myself for this one, or rein it in, so to speak.) Reigning Sound has been one of my favorite bands since I discovered them in 2005. Greg Cartwright is one of my favorite living songwriters, and I can’t help but nerd out when he comes up in conversation or his bands are hitting my earholes.

Through mutual friends, I have come to understand that people expressing such sentiments to his face sometimes make him uncomfortable. Because I know that, should it occur, my meeting the guy would result in unavoidably effusive and one-sided fanfare on my part, I can’t do it. Back when I used to partake in socially lubricative beverages, I would calm my nerves and grease the jaw with a little libation if I felt like I needed to express my adoration or appreciation for some artists or another. Sometimes I’d overshoot the mark. After a particularly awkward and slurred conversation with Dale Crover after a Melvins show, I learned my lesson and began to give a wide berth when any artist I loved came through.

I’ve seen Reigning Sound more often than any other band (with the possible exception of bands consisting of people I’m friends with). The first time I saw them was back in 2005 at the second Gonerfest, and by that time the lineup consisted of Lance Wille on drums and David Wayne Gay on bass. I had the chance to see them several times over the next ten years or so, including once with Mary Weiss of the Shangri-Las, which was another occasion I oozed adulation onto a performer. Mary Weiss is a gracious, kind, and patient person. (At least she was for the amount of time that I was confessing my love to her, which is all I need and more than I deserve.)   

I knew the original Reigning Sound lineup had been playing shows here and there, and I wanted to see them, but I couldn’t make it work until now. Drummer Greg Roberson employed a bit of an unorthodox technique by donning one white glove on his left hand, gripping a drumstick, then mummifying it all in a layer of duct-tape. I’d heard of people doing this when they have a break or sprain and need to play a show, but I think it was just to ensure the stick wouldn’t go flying when things got sweaty. Bassist Jeremy Scott played the role of the most animated person onstage, seeming to have to most fun playing the Reigning Sound songs of yore (though everyone was, both onstage and off, clearly enjoying themselves and seemed happy to be there).

Friday began with a daytime show at Memphis Made Brewing Company, the brewery that crafted and canned an IPA in recognition of Gonerfest.

Since my drinking days are over a half decade behind me, I don’t have any opinion to offer on the taste and quality of a beer, but even if I were still a tippler, I have never claimed to have the most refined palate in the world.

However, since my occasional Indiana Jones golden-idol/bag-of-sand switcheroo for a pint of PBR is a fistful of burrito while watching a band (both are more or less cylindrical and housed in aluminum to some degree, so it works out fine), in lieu of a beer review, I offer that of a Hot Mess burrito instead:

I chose the chicken burrito with habanero, the spiciest of available sauces, which I anticipated to be more painful than flavorful. Due to a lingering sinus infection, I treated the meal as a therapeutic remedy as well as a nutritious and delicious respite from the early evening sun. Though I assumed I was going to suffer through a painful experience for the sake of culinary-cum-medicinal exploration, capsaicin is no panacea, but it inflicted a sufficient rout-like retreat of symptoms that had been making me feel like I was turning into Rocky Dennis with quantum singularities tucked deep inside my tear ducts.

It was delicious. 10/10.

The most memorable set of the daytime show was by the Canadian band, Pity. Balaclava-clad and wearing black, they ripped into a set that seemed to pack a half hour worth of borderline powerviolence into probably fifteen or so songs that all collectively fell into around ten minutes.

I was reminded, both visually and aurally, of Henry Fiat’s Open Sore. Since I love that band and have never seen them in the flesh, this was probably the closest possible thing, as well as a band and performance that I appreciate and enjoyed as their own entity, independent of my associations with a likely defunct ensemble of masked and monikered Swedes.

Pity’s singer’s guitar suffered a double dose of immolation, first being lit on fire while still on his person before being tossed in the air. The band tore back into song, and again the guitar was lit, flung, and then it fell back to the ground. As Aristotle posited of gravity, being not completely wrong yet not completely right, things move toward their natural place. The guitar seemed to feel its proper place was on the ground. At least one fourth of Pity disagreed, possibly feeling it should be condemned to the fires of the sun, considering its intended trajectory and flaming head start.

The first band on Friday night at the Hi-Tone was Opposite Sex from New Zealand. They started with a song in which the guitarist and drummer began, while Lucy Hunter jumped up and down in front of her bass. It might have just been some pre-performance calisthenics overlapping into the show, but I imagined that she was conjuring up vibrations from her feet hitting the stage floor, then being soaked up by her bass and letting the strings ring out in an almost inaudible hum, sort of priming her instrument with resonance like a finger riding on the rim of a wine glass just before it sings.

Hunter began sing/speaking into the microphone while the drums and guitar carried on. When she picked up her bass, her playing became the pulse of the music, allowing the guitar to reel off into twangy noise. Her voice sounded both innocent and beyond her years.

The best surprise of the night, if not the entire weekend, came from the Australian band, Power. The first thing they did was clear everything superfluous from the floor and push the single microphone stand to the edge of the stage. (This might seem like an inconsequential detail, but I only noticed because some bands leave extra stands where they are, which can be a bit of a hurdle to overcome when trying to get good photos without blurry black bars running through them.)

When the band started playing, their energy filled that open space in such a way that made it feel like they had packed up and transported their entire practice space all the way to Memphis from Melbourne. (It calls to mind the haiku from didn’t-know-it-poet Garth Algar: “I mean, we’re looking/ Down on Wayne’s basement; only/ That’s not Wayne’s basement.”)

Power’s frontman looks like the sort of bully from the ‘80s movies who you secretly root for over the cloyingly innocent protagonist. While the mullet hairstyle might commonly referred to as being business in the front, party in the back, this was neither party nor business. It was 100% irony-free, no-nonsense, kick-your-dick-in-the-dirt for real.

They’re the kind of band who couldn’t give a shit less if you like them, but that won’t stop them from giving it their all when they play, because that’s the only way they know how to do it. I like to imagine they have only ever listened to AC/DC, Motorhead, and the only Metallica they’ll put up with is Kill ‘Em All. That might all have more to do with their look than their sound because as good as it was, the only thing I knew for certain is that they were awesome at being loud. Either way, if I had to ballpark the math, I’d be willing to drive between 5 and 10 hours just to see them play again, even if it was for fifteen minutes.

Buck Biloxi and the Fucks played next, which included the return of Nots’ Charlotte Watson on drums. The crowd went apeshit for them, despite Robert Watson Craig III growing mildly frustrated as roughly half the songs just collapsed and dissolved rather than meeting their intended endings. The more they fucked up, the more the crowd loved it.

The Blind Shake brought the most controlled form of chaos to the stage. The brothers Blaha were both dressed in black, bald or shorn, and both played MPLS guitars (Mike with a baritone, Jim with a regular six-string). They sang the same words, at the same time, providing a visual and aural stereo union before retreating from the mic stands to explode into their own respective forms of animation, Jim wrangling his guitar like a junebug on a string and choreographed faux-smash movements that looked potentially lethal to the instrument until he swept it back up and out of harm’s way at the last moment.

Black Lips were the last Friday act on the Hi-Tone stage, and it was their first Gonerfest since the very first one in January of 2005. Coincidentally, my old college friend, Zumi Rosow, plays saxophone for them now. I got to speak her briefly while she set up before the show, and we reminisced about the time I wrote a 10-page paper on Eraserhead for her in exchange for a few beers, or when I convinced two thirds of [what would later become] Mean Jeans to form a one-off black metal band and shoot a video of my sacrificing her with a six foot sword, and a moving death scene performance on her part as she writhed in basement dirt and A1 steak sauce for blood.

Black Lips were easily the wildest show of the weekend, as far as communal artist/audience participation weas concerned. They played a good deal off of Underneath the Rainbow, as well as some old favorites from Let It Bloom, and they played at least one new song off their forthcoming album. Between songs, Cole Alexander encouraged everyone to go to Murphy’s to see Tommy Wright III.

After their set ended, Zumi wanted to introduce me to Cole because we share a deep affection for GG Allin. After talking for a bit, Cole reiterated the importance of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see local legend Tommy Wright III perform. I had no idea who that was, but I was revved up on caffeine and didn’t feel like crashing yet, so I went.

Though it wasn’t part of Gonerfest proper, most of the same faces were present at Murphy’s after the Black Lips set. When I got there, Manateees were playing. Fronted by Abe White, their earlier recordings fall more under the umbrella of garage punk (I think), but when I saw them play, they seemed almost like a tight thrash metal band. They were great. I stuck around for a couple of songs by Tommy Wright III, but considering my pineal gland was still an hour in the future and operating according to Eastern Daylight Time, I finally opted to go rest up at the hotel.

Saturday’s festivities began at 1 PM at Murphy’s, alternating shows between the indoor and outdoor stages. I had been looking forward to seeing and hearing Iron Head from New Orleans, featuring King Louie on guitar. I love a lot of King Louie’s oeuvre. When I came to Gonerfest in September of 2005, his one man band rang in the weekend’s opening ceremony from the rear of the Goner store. I don’t remember what songs he played, but between numbers, he answered a cell phone call from Quintron and got the crowd to shout out a hello to him. Louie told a story about enduring Hurricane Katrina by grabbing hold of a soda machine as it floated by and boogie-boarding it through the river-flooded streets to greener pastures.

Iron Head was a spectacular mess, highlighted by solos and riffs that crashed and burned immediately upon departure, but that didn’t stop Bankston from going for each and every one with renewed faith and vigor in his fingertips each time. Between songs, Bankston and Drew Owen (on drums and vocals) debated over which one had played the previous song right. Bassist Jheri Macgillicuddy remained neutral and refrained from throwing his two cents in, but I got the impression he knew who was right and, as a matter of habit, just preferred to wait out the squall.

Oh Boland was by far the most charming bunch of the day. Their positivity was infectious, endearing, and unrivaled. It was clear they were thankful and happy to be there, a sentiment that was clearly reciprocated by the audience. The first song began and the singer, Bile Bunton (né Niall Murphy) approached the microphone bent over because the stand was raised only about three-fourths of a Danny Devito in height. I wondered for a moment if this was a sort of anti-Lemmy singing posture, but before I could entertain the thought much further, someone raised the stand height for him mid-song. It was a small thing, but it seemed a testament to their willingness to roll with whatever and embrace the situation at hand with high spirits and good humor.

Between songs, the drummer mentioned that they would need to sell their instruments before flying back to Ireland, so anyone interested should inquire further at their merch table. Murphy haggled himself down to offering his guitar to anyone who asked for it after the show.

The act I was most looking forward to on Saturday was Bloodshot Bill. I first heard him in the late-aughts and was bummed to find that he was forbidden from playing in the states at that time. I finally got to see him in Atlanta this past July, and I couldn’t wait to see him again.

Aside from being the best and most engaging one man band I have heard and/or seen, his vocal acrobatics incorporate grunts, hiccups, screeches, cry breaks, and a sort of ersatz Tuvan throat-singing that sounds at times like Charlie Feathers mud-wrestling a Tibetan monk with a menagerie of hogs, frogs, and barn owls cheering from the sidelines.

Following Bloodshot Bill was Control Freaks, featuring Friday night’s MC, Greg Lowery. The energy was high from the outset, and following a request from the festival organizers to keep on schedule by cutting the set short, the intensity maintained, though the vibe shifted from, “Let’s do this,” to, “Fuck it.”

Any restraint that might have tempered the release was then unfettered, and while the songs sounded great, the focus was more directed towards letting loose every ounce of their reserves, at least as much as possible within the confines of the time constraints.

The cocktail of excitement, anticipation, and frustration felt a bit like trying to cram as many shots into your mouth to get you sufficiently blitzkrieg drunk between the time a bar announces last call and when they forcibly remove you from the premises and lock the door behind you.

Preparing for the pinnacle of the weekend with Saturday’s final act, Kid Congo and the Pink Monkey Birds, I found a spot at the front of the stage as it cleared up between bands. While I prepared my photo gear for what I could guess would be the best combination of lenses and cameras for the show, a young guy approached me, said hi, and showed me two album covers he brought with him, one Death Party by Gun Club, the other Psychedelic Jungle by the Cramps. One or both of them had signatures on them. Throughout the show, he either placed them venerably on the edge of the stage while he drifted into the crowd, or he clutched them affectionately to his side. His excitement rubbed off on me, and I drifted from mulling over technical details with my cameras to getting pumped to see Kid Congo Powers play two feet in front of me.

Tom Scharpling introduced Kid Congo and the Pink Monkey Birds, and the lights were dimmed to a low red glow. Powers slipped effortlessly into the role of a curandero, bridging the gap between worlds with one foot dangling off into the ether and one firmly entrenched in the muck of the corporeal. He said a few words throughout the set, each phrase a small performance in and of itself. With his eyes perpetually focused off to some nowhere up and off to his right, each word he sang and spoke seemed directed toward some apparition in the upper corner of the room. It was as though his line of sight was some conduit of communion with his muse, and bringing his immediate attention to anyone in particular would break the spell.

Sunday afternoon, Rev. John Wilkins performed in the Cooper Young Gazebo. The weather was immaculate. Occasionally Wilkins’ daughter would take the lead and belt out her amazing voice while she drifted out into the crowd and engaged with the audience. Rev. Wilkins said a few words about his father, Robert Wilkins, and ended with a rendition of “Will the Circle Be Unbroken,” a befittingly annular theme for a closing hymn, considering our return to the (more or less circular) gazebo at the end of the fest.

Before I began the trek back home to Chattanooga, I made a couple of stops around Memphis. I went in the general direction of Graceland, since whenever I pass through Memphis, I consider going but end up spending a couple of hours in the Goner store instead. Considering I’d been getting gone all weekend long, I figured it might be the only time I felt like going.

 I had intended to check out the area and assess whether I felt like going in, but before I knew it, I was paying for parking, got the up-sell on a tour I had to wait over an hour for, and then elbowing through fellow Graceland-goers while I fought for space to pretend I was William Eggleston and photograph crannies of rooms and details of decor.

Meanwhile, my tour-mates had iPads slung from their neck and bobbing on their bellies while John Stamos’ disembodied voice piped through their provided pairs of headphones, rendering their spatial awareness a notch below their own normal levels, which might not have been great to begin with.

My heart went out to the angry woman in the bottom of the main house whose sole job seemed to be to remind each cluster of visitors that they shouldn’t sit on the bright yellow barstools. A large sign also indicated that they shouldn’t sit on the bright yellow barstools. Without fail, about one out of every five people who came into the room disobeyed and sat on the bright yellow barstools. I wondered if this exercise in futility was some exercise in karmic debt for the poor woman, or if the tamest circle of hell overlapped with our realm and was located in Elvis’ basement. Only past-life serial killers deserve such a fate.

Nearing the end, there was a line to stand in front of Elvis’ grave and take a picture of it, which I skipped. The whole Graceland experience was more meaningful to me when I was a Presley-obsessed ten-year-old kid and I went with my dad.

He couldn’t have given a shit less about Elvis, but he suffered through it just because it meant something to his weird-looking kid who spritzed his hair off the Moh’s scale with hairspray into the most generous definition of a pompadour, and who demanded that the silk bomber jacket with a gold-glitter Elvis on the back was not for old ladies, but actually meant for a ten-year-old dude who would unknowingly leave an indelible golden sparkle on everything he leaned against.

My last stop before leaving town was a short visit to Jay Reatard’s gravesite. I can’t claim I ever knew the guy, but I was lucky enough to have the chance to see the Reatards, Angry Angles, Final Solutions, the Persuaders, et cetera. The last time was when I got to catch some friends opening for his solo outfit in Chattanooga in 2008. I didn’t stay in the cemetery long, as I felt strange being nothing but a tourist, but I felt like if there was ever a time where it might be an appropriate time to do it, this was it. I saw that someone had left a green guitar pick as well as a devotional candle with Jay’s face on the angel’s body.

Only two days after Gonerfest ended, I had the chance to ride out the last ripples of the weekend and see two Gonerfest XIII veterans, Nots and The World, play with locals Coma Vigil in Chattanooga. I was glad I could see Nots again, this time not through a lens and without having to creep around surreptitiously with a camera pressed against my face. They killed it, as usual. I bought one of their special editions of Cosmetic that comes with a screenprinted cover, a small compact mirror, and some additional artwork bound up in cardboard and a rubber band.

In the time since the fest ended, I have been listening to the full-album playlist of over four hundred songs that I made in preparation for Gonerfest XIII, albeit now with new context and ancillary memories to reinform the way I hear it all now. I still struggle to find content by bands that are either not well-known, they don’t have many or any recordings available, or their names make it particularly difficult to narrow searches down to their specific material (e.g., Power, The World, Pity, et cetera).

I can only hope that I don’t wait another eleven years to attend Gonerfest XIV in 2027, though I hope both I and it are still around for that one as well.