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scuddisher · 5 months

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WHAT OTHERS CANNOT GIVE.

Price finds out you've been having second thoughts on your intimacy with him, searching for other men's services in the area—but he's convinced you're partnered with him for a reason.

RATING — MATURE & EXPLICIT (18+) PAIRING — gigolo! john price x gn! reader GENRE(S) — drabble, gigolo! au, yandere! au, smut WORD COUNT — 1k WARNINGS — mature content, language, jealousy, highly possessive john, loads of under-toning SMUT WARNINGS — sexual content, dom! price, edging, doggy-style, missionary, unprotected intercourse, creampie, bruising, mainly filth lol RELEASE DATE — DEC 14TH 2023

AUTHOR’S NOTE — me: i’m not gonna write for cod. i’m not gonna write for- [GUNSHOT]. this has been in my brain for WEEKS but now it’s finally written out <3 i live off of any type of modern-worker price concepts lmao they’re keeping me going rn.

“You know what sets me apart from others?”

John had you wrapped around his finger. Like a ring given in matrimony—the one you'd shiver over every time you had to take it off for some necessary chore where it could be damaged or lost. He knew his importance to you was real, it was what kept you coming back. But he had never taken into consideration that his services weren't enough for you.

Not with the way he had you clenching around his length, like now. “Why I am so good at my goddamn job?”

His ego had grown the more you had spoken. Broken sentences admitting to him that you had gone to see another man, asked for the pleasures of another's touch that wasn't him—you were his only regular.

John already knew, he was already hearing the gossip amidst the others. He had already found the strangely familiar phone number hidden deep inside of your drawer. In his world, of dark nights and long-time pleasure—he knew the signs of when a client was putting a distance between them and him.

You felt him twitch up into your heat as your breathing stuttered. Ears ringing loudly but only listening to the sounds of John spilling words through his gritted teeth. You knew you had crossed the line.

“What makes me the fucking best?” His words were harsh like a growl, yet spoke softly into only your ear as he pressed you into the mattress below him and felt your hips jerk back into his hot loins.

He had been fucking you for two hours. And this was once something you begged for. Once, his intimacy—now, obsession.

You felt yourself shivering from the cold air, the only major heat being the rough man behind you. His body was sweaty, hair sticking to himself along every part of his body. His happy trail soaked with drops of sweat running down his abs, stomach sucking in every time you clenched around him. You were dizzy from all that he had done to you.

And yet, he got another rise. Had released his load into you twice now, stretching you even further on his cock. That twitch of your body, mouth agape and claiming his name on your tongue. “John!”

Each time he pulled his length from you, the stickiness of his cum was enough to make you jerk and nearly orgasm until you felt the bruises he left on your hips throb in pain from his calloused fingertips pressing into them again.

You felt the cold air of his dick leaving you, could only whine as his hand pulled at your head until his lips were on your ear. And just as you felt the rush of his hot cum hitting the skin of your ass, he spoke again.

“Because I focus on my own pleasure, not yours. And that makes you my toy.”

Your whine was enough to have him turning you over to look at him, his touch becoming gentle as he heard the hisses and whispered words from your lips. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”

“Sorry.” He was still John. “Sorry is a tough word for you to use, isn't it?” His accent had grown thicker by each syllable. He was playing with your emotions. “Did you apologize to the man you called out that late night?”

There it was. The jealousy he had pent up, rocked his hips into yours until he almost forgot, only to see your big eyes staring up at him with tears falling down your cheeks to remind him.

“The one whose number you dialed instead of mine? Met in the latest hour of the night? Asked to pleasure you in some new way to get your fucking rocks off?!”

His beard was still covered in the wetness of your arousal, mixing with his spit and displaying itself on your skin each time his words turned angrier. Everything he had done to you tonight, it was all to convince you.

His mind was lost in his own thoughts as he spoke aloud. “Could he even make you cum? Know how to use you? Did he even get a touch before you realized he was someone else and not me?”

His hand moved from your heat, feeling you throb against the little friction he gave you until it found the pulse of your heartbeat at your neck. His thumb pressed into the spot, begging to feel how fast your heart would beat when he finally told you what he wanted to say all night.

“I'm the only person in the world that can make you cum like this.” His hard length was in his free hand, pressing into your heat once more until you were all-consuming. You saw the flinch in his face as he felt your walls feather with overuse, but he still found himself filling you up.

You felt his hips stutter once he was balls deep. The way his cock twitched from being sensitive like he hadn't used every hard-on he had gotten that night to prove his point. Now was his final show.

The ring of your arousal around him only caused a louder squelch and he pulled from you and thrusted himself back in. His speech only turned guttural when he felt how tired you were, how well he had taught you this lesson.

And as your body took him in and then kept going, your rise finally crashed down on you.

“You’re the o-only person who I have seen this many times in my field of work.”

You squeezed him, milked him of one more gushing orgasm, and then fell right down into your own. “Your body only knows me now. This—” He winced feeling your entire body turn into mush as your orgasm finally swept over you. “This is only for us.”

His words quieted as his head fell into your shoulder, mouth kissing at your neck. You could only cry, only whine his name softly. He finally claimed what he wanted to since the first day your shaky little fingers dialed his number.

“I'm the only one who can give you what others cannot.” He spoke so gently, pressing his entire weight onto your form below him and into the mattress. “My love.”

© scuddisher — all rights reserved. do not plagiarize, repost, or translate any of my works without my permission. do not post my content on other sites, especially claiming them as your own! reblogs and feedback are seriously appreciated <3

#john price #captain price #john price smut #captain price smut #cod smut #call of duty smut #captain john price x reader #captain price x reader #john price x reader #mw2 smut #mw3 smut #cod x reader #barry sloane x reader #barry sloane smut

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half-truths-and-hyperbole-louk · 3 months

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Louk's Bad Batch rewatch part 29 !!!

we're in the second half of season 2 batchersss (was gonna say were in the end game now but I'll save that for tomorrow 😫)

The Bad Batch 2x09

her voice 🥲 she sounds so down it hurts

"sounds dangerous" *giggles* ilysm Wrecker 💕

Hunter sniffing dirt again hehe

Tech says "without Echo" and Omega immediately droops her head 😫

creeper peekin 👀

I love how Wrecker was carrying the case with one hand and Hunter needs two and keeps adjusting it 💪

Wrecker checking in on Omega 🤲

oop Omega dramatic sigh count 👀

Hunter lifting Omega up 🥺

"chain reaction, explosion got it 🙄" tbb dealing with teenage fett mood swings now

gentle hands 🤲

that is not your ship kid 👀

Hunter slams the highly dangerous explosives into the ground lmaooo

Hunter hearing the ship power up !!! his turns so fast and jumps over the stairs 🙌

the bickering batch

they're literally all so feral at each other rn 😮

Wrecker giving Omega water first 🥺

she's calling Echo for help 😭

Tech knows he disabled his comms... have they been chattin 👀

Hunter's senses on fire this ep 👌

Hunter pushing Omega in front of him and steering her out of the way 🙌

the Lion King ???

Tech: "protect the ipsium!" Wrecker: bruh 😑

the ipsium survived Hunter slamming it on the ground I'm sure it'll be fine

Wrecker: "why don't you carry it 😠" Tech: "fine" lolol

Tech is so strong omg he carried it like Wrecker 👀

Omega needs something to cover her face in this sandstorm 🥲 give her a helmet

THEY'RE SO SHITTY BOYS CALM DOWN !!!

Omega bby someone hug her !!!!! 😫😭

"what is your issue" 💔

how soft Hunter said her name 🥺🤲

Tech doesnt understand the emotional connection she has to everything but they probably all struggle to see that being soldiers, they're taught to let go of things, stay in the moment to be able to be the best they can, she's just a kid who wants her brother and her home back after just losing everything, I can completely understand both sides of this 🥲 I'm blabbing and it's not making sense anymore 🙃

"thats not the only mistake you need to fix" Hunter's dad mode applies to Tech now too

Tech: "but she said she wanted to be alone" 🥺

they're getting so much better at the whole dad/big brother thing 💕

Tech said her name so gently 😭

Omega and Tech having the same ideas 🥰

"I am fully aware you are capable of the task" 🥺

TECH BLINDLY FOLLOWING OMEGA WHEN SHE FALLS MY HEART

oop I forgot the 😫 Tech falls count: we're on 5 now

THE WAY HE GRABS HER IN THE WATER OML 😭 he was so desperate to save her

Hunter sensing they're in trouble 👀

Not only do I love Hunter's senses but I also love how aware they all are of him, like they all question him every time he pauses or looks off at something, they're all just so aware of each other 💕

Tech and Omega lying down out of the water 🤲

Tech emptying the water from his glasses !! 🥺

"we are alive" ~ bro I love how often he responds like this I can't wait to hear it again hehehe

Omega's wet droopy hair is getting so long 🥺

"the narrow crevasse" i love the way he talks he's so fancy 💅

Putting a bunch of quotes in bc they're iconic 💕

Omega: "everything is changing and you don't even care"

Tech: "I am not sure how I should care about change, it is a fundamental part of life"

Tech: "I am aware that you miss him, but we have to adapt and move on. That's what soldiers do."

Omega: "we're more than that. We're a family aren't we?"

Tech: "yes of course we are"

Omega: "why don't you act like it?"

Tech: "Echo chose a different path, as did Crosshair. I have to respect their decision. Even though it can be difficult to understand, we must carry on. I may process moments and thoughts differently, but it does not mean that I feel any less than you"

I have to put it all in bc this scene means so much to me 🥺🤲💕

Wrecker's scream and the big *fwosshhh* landing in the water vs Hunter's tiny *bloop*

Omega's wave 🫶

the way Hunter just tosses Tech's stuff out of the water and he's still holding Omega's bow is the difference between brother and dad

wet hair Hunter when 👀

Omega "see that wasn't so bad" Wrecker: 👍

Tech being almost as precise as Crosshair 💕

Tech and Omega looking at each other 👀🤲

Hunter noticing somethings different with Omega now after talking with Tech 🥺

CID 🔫 I want to hunt her for sport fr 😈

Omega quoting Tech 💕💕💕💕

oooohhhh this ep holds a special place in my heart fr

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justanartisticduck2 · 9 months

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Heya! It’s me again! And today I’ve risen from the dead to hand you all some art!! (Tried procreate as I listened to “as the world caves in” and this was the result. Anywho)

Warning: Blood, bruises, (talk of death in my ramble), and overall angst!

So, I made this thing based off a fanfic I’m yet to write. Highly inspired by the fact that technically Revali and Link may have met one last time that being in castle town… and yes I know Revali was BOOKING it to Vah Medoh but… just imagine… (large ramble under the cut. Sorry I am SO ill abt them rn gsgvshd)

…The two having one last meeting. One last goodbye. Because no matter how much they reassured themselves they’d meet once more… they felt deep inside that wouldn’t be the case. Revali whispered a desperate plea for Link to run the other way, saying he had already lost enough friends today and just couldn’t afford to loose his knight aswell. And Link wished Revali could stay there.. or run with he and Zelda. Because he heard the cries of help from Daruk and Mipha… he knew something awaited his lovebird at his divine beast… but unfortunately.. his lovebird just so happened to be the stubbornest Rito in all Hyrule. The two departed, refusing to say goodbye… but rather a “we’ll meet again” .

A few hours later… a horribly loud and desperate SOS call was heard.

And a hour or so afterward, the knight succumbed to his wounds.

And even though 100 years later… Link and Revali would look upon eachother again… Link would no longer remember those times he and Revali would sit together as they watched the snow fall or fire crackle. Link would never remember the day he was gifted a paraglider so the two could soar high above together. Link would never remember the playful banter, those quiet yet comforting nights, the way the Rito gazed at him softly… the day before the calamity where the Rito champion wove a bracelet representing his love for the Hylian champion…

But all he remembered now was a prideful gaze upon that first meeting. And forgot all that followed.

And Revali would soon settle with the fact… even though Hyrule’s hero now stood before him… just as they had said they would.. Link… his Link had died that day just as he did… and being honest… Revali felt almost as if he had died once more upon that realization… because the way his heart felt now felt even worse than it did when Windblight had created that gaping hole in his chest.

…Anywho so yeah. Even tho I’m not all for pre-calamity revalink let’s just say the angst potential of such a thing had me in a chokehold and I NEEDED to make something. Anyways!! Sorry if this is bad I just NEEDED to get this out of my brain. But!!! I hope you guys like this art and ramble. Maybe I’ll make this an actual fanfic later! who knows! But!! I promise I’ll make some revalink fluff next i PROMISE it’s just been a VERY emotional summer ok?!? Bsvsvdv. Anywho hope y’all like this. I’ll try posting more! Till then, cya!!

#legend of zelda breath of the wild #loz botw #revalink #revali #link #blood tw #bruises tw #Hnghghgh they make me so SAD #Anywho! I like procreate a lot I might use it more often.#ducks doodles #death tw

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mrs-monaghan · 10 months

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Hi! I'm new around here (but not new to jikook) and I saw your recent posts where you linked to, among other things, a post where you talked about the 2016 jinmin vlive where they were watching jk on celebrity romance. And I just wanted to say thank you for bringing that up! I think that vlive is wildly underrated. It tells us so much about jikook's relationship at the time. It really showcases how jikook weren't at same place emotionally in the beginning (and how insecure that made jimin) and how their relationship was possibly mostly physical back then. Jk definitely had a lot to work through. I'm sure he was already in love with jm, but had a hard time expressing it. But all's well what ends well, right? :) Very highly recommend that every jikooker watch that vlive if you haven't already!

Okay. First of all, if I have to link this post one more time I'm gonna start side eyeing y'all. I thought I was a pervert till I met y'all. I'm watching you 🧐🧐

He he hee! The video anon is talking about.

youtube

Its like 11 minutes guys. Watch it. You've been in the toilet for longer than that. Don't even 🙄 just watch it.

Anon I think you have put it perfectly. Actually. The last part where I reference on my post about JK not showing Jimin any emotions, I think that caused alot of fighting. Like alot. I joked about JK hitting and quitting but really that's how it comes off. The xes part was good. Probably really good. But after that JK would go back to treating Jimin like he did everyone else. Jimin knew he wasn't just anyone else. They had something going on and he wanted JK to act like it.

I saw something on twitter a long, long time ago so I cannot find it. And its now a blur in my head. But OP was alluding to JK playing video games and ignoring Jimin after xes. I don't recall how OP drew to this conclusion, but it was from something Jimin said. Something about JK and video games. Not sure. Like, we all know when it comes to Jikook its all about reading between the lines.

I remember seeing that and seeing where OP was coming from but I dont remember the context which is a tad frustrating rn. Anygays, it obviously took a while for JK to start acting like Jimin needed him to. Feelings wise anyway.

I am happy Jimin did not give up because look where they are now. (I'm sure the Jungkonda had something to do with it 😂😂) JK basically worships the group Mimi walks on.

We heard it from the man himself so we know it's true, right? He's stubborn, he's hard to handle, and I bet Jimin knows all of it first hand. 🤭🤭

Okay so for some strange reason, your ask made me think about this tweet; (Don't ask me why. My mind is a weird place)

Before anybody freaks out, I would like to advice that u take this with a grain of salt. My friends and I tried to find where/when this could have possibly happened but we couldn't. And we really tried guys, because.... WHAT!?!?!?! Why would Jin say something like this that basically outs Jikook? Right?

But then I think about how BTS used to word vomit alot in the early days so I haven't completely disregarded it. So hopefully one of u have heard of this because I would love to see it. Honestly. It's fucking wild. Like.... it's insane 🤯

That being said, 😁😁😁 the correct members are involved when u really think about it. Right? Like these are the right members for this strange scenario 🤭

We know this is how Jin used to wake JK up. Jin even demonstrated that one time exactly how he used to do it by touching JK's nipples. (I can't with the Tannies sometimes. Honestly 🤦🏽‍♀️) From the huge amount of Jikook nipple play (inside this post is another post about this) we can safely deduce that JK's nipples are sensitive. So to me, yeah? To me it makes sense that a sleepy JK thought it was Jimin touching him. IF this is true and it did happen, the maths adds up. Just saying....

Lord have mercy 🤣😂😂

#if jikook isn't real then neither am i #jikook is real #ask shaz #bts ask #jikook #jimin and jungkook #kookmin #minkook #jimin #park jimin #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts #jikook theories #jikook theory

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cloudcountry · 1 year

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♡ AUBURN'S MUTUALS !! (there's more of you than i thought HELP)

@tinyletterz / 🍙 — my friend since forever ago, genuinely one of the kindest people i have ever met. she's so cute and she writes beautifully!!!! i highly HIGHLY recommend her flower language series GFGRGRGRGRFRFR

@identity-theft-101 / 🪓 — bonded over mushroom stayed for the eels tbh!! chaos incarnate BUT he has a cute bird named asa that said she loves me so i'm winning

@names-are-dumb / 🐚 — i'm so glad i got to introduce them to twisted wonderland. i am reliving my own experience through him rn. IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE OCTAVINELLE GRAHHH!!!!! one month later and we're married he's my husband and my angelfish that i write cringe ass sonnets too and i adore him <33 muah muah

@merotwst / 🧶 — LITERALLY SO SWEET OMG. she's so warm and welcoming its no wonder people just gravitate to her :C i adore her tbh she made me feel so welcomed even though i'm still scared of most twst writers LMAO

@shkrmpp / 🦐 — one of my first moots!!! personally i really love their hair dye headcanons GRAH they're so cute BUT!! they also draw C:< AND ITS A CUTE STYLE. plus their blog always looks MUAH

@siren-serenity / 🌙 — YOU'RE EVIL I STILL THINK ABOUT "i need you" WHY DID YOU WRITE THAT /lh no but actually you're so good at writing angst that rips my heart out like. if i want to sob i'm going for your azul angst (ITS A GOOD THING PROMISE)

@siphoklansan / ☔ — BEAUTIFUL ART. STUNNING. i love love love how much detail she puts into her pieces (yes i am thinking abt the floyd piece for the lipstick challenge ITS SO CUTE) AND SHE DREW STUFF BASED ON THE SONG HEART ATTACK AND I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY DAY.

@fukashiin / 💌 — silly little goofy deuce rambles and omg the leech twins. I REREAD THE STARING THINGY SHE WROTE OVER AND OVER AZULLLL AZUL'S PART IS SO %@$!%##@%!$#$%@!$#%@$!#%!@%#$!@#$%

@ryuubff / 🪼 — omg there is literally so much i could say about them. my first obey me mutual. the first person who was alike "omg let's create solomon content together." i love talking to them sm and honestly they deserves the best because they're so kind and creative C: WAHHHH

@hisui-dreamer / 🌟 — SO SWEET. i know i'm saying a lot but i have so many mutuals that made me feel so welcomed and rinna was one of them. every single piece of work you'll find on that blog is brewing with emotions and gentle care I LOVE.,,.., I LOVE!!!!!!

@officialdaydreamer00 / 🌠 — ?!?!?!?! ALSO INCREDIBLY KIND AND SO SO CREATIVE!!!! they draw me things all the time and it literally melts my heart :((( i love lov love talking to them about octavinelle and they're super easy to connect with :(((

@the-v-lociraptor / 💙 — we literally just became moots a little bit ago BUT i find a lot of good fanart through her!! she reblogs a lot of cool stuff :D !!!!!

@ceruleancattail / 🔷 — I FORGOT TOW RITE SMTH HELP EM anyways <33 ceru writes some cute ass shit that makes me kick my feet and squeal (AND ALL THE AZUL CONTENT I HAVENT BINGED YET....UGH IM SO EXCITED)

@i-like-forgs / 💪 — appreciator of sand cats and draws a lot!! the creator of my wedding venue with azul and enabler of so many of my ramble i am clinging to his ankle as he drags me around

@valerie-leech / 💚 — we just started talking but they're part of the auburn azul wedding squad!! :D im excited to interact with them <3

@twst-beam / 🎉 — we also haven't talked a lot yet but i can't wait to get to know her better C: !!

@iseethatimicy / 💎 — a fellow azul kisser!! i finally found another one!! :D has an unholy amount of azul memes i do not know where they come from (probably pinterest) but they are Fascinating

@acornwinter / 💫 — sends random shit in my inbox because they started talking about their dreams once and i decided Yes!! and now they draw my ocs and its super cute and i love their little tiny ppl drawings C:

@totallymem3 / 🥀 — we just started talking but!! very sweet <33 her art style is just MMMMUAH CHEFS KISS!!!!!!!!! i love it. it reminds me of spring.

@z3llous / 🐸 — draws azul SOOOOO good i love lovelovlevoevloev his art!!! its so scrumptious i eat it all up for breakfast lunch dinner ON NOMNOM

@cecilebutcher / 🪩 — has a bunch of really cool ocs!!! igor my belobed /p they have such a creative mind and its a pleasure to listen to them ramble about the characters they created!!! :D

@ang33333333l / 🙏 — another azul kisser!! we haven't talked much but i can tell doll is a very sweet person <33

@axvwriter / 👻 — SHE HAS AZUL'S DORM UNIFORM AND IM SO JEALOUS. LITERALLY SO UNFAIR.

@soru-ya / 🍞 — THEY WROTE AROACE CONTENT FOR ME :((((( CRYING RN they're such a good writer please go check them out PLEASE im begging you

@rains-asleep / 🐝 — ANOTHE RGOOD WRITER WHAWHWAHWHAHWA <33333 we had such a deep conversation about caramel once it was enlightening.

@shinysparklesapphires / 🎀 — floods my inbox with precure stuff and now its next on my watch list. started the laura and azul siblings conspiracy :O !!!!!

@twistedchatterboxed / 🌊 — The jade kisser ever. we have a lot of mutual moots (hehe say that ten times fast) so i'm excited to get to know her better!! :D

@keii01 / 🍡 — she's so sweet i want to put her in my pocket and carry her around everywhere i go!! she draws a lot of cute stuff too (there is no such thing as too many ribbons <3)

@tsun0tar0u / 🐉 — showed me a genshin glitch once and i have never been the same. also i would die for kafka btw. normal about rollo btw. So Normal.

@non-binary-lil-shit / 🍄 — enables my marine bio and mycology rambling!! also i am very concerned for you C:

@queen-shiba / 🦁 — your profile theme is literally so pretty i am eating it right now (IDK I JUST LOVE ORANGE) also the leona blender post made me so confused but also i laughed really hard HELP

@vioisgoinginsane / 💜 — she likes some vampire game i think LMAO but the twst content? YUMMY. a writer once in a blue moon and apparently best known for the BITING ROOK HUNT post. GET IT!!!

@moonlit-midnight / 🌸 — hannah is such a good writer :(( WRITES PLATONIC FICS DID YOU HEAR THAT EVERYONE!!! PLATONIC FICS!!!!!!! they're all so adorable and make me want to curl up under a blanket with a mug of hot chocolate <3

@ryker-writes / 🦚 — asked about to deep sea and LET ME TELL YOU i got so excited about it and im still writing it hehe. ryker writes a lot of familial angst so its that your thing go for it!!

@datboredpencil / 💀♦️ — GORGEUYS ART ABSOLUTELY SCRUMPTIOUS YUMY UMY UM AN ENTIRE BUFFET!!!! theres a lot of idia x cater content too if thats youre thing!!! :D

@twistwonderlanddevotee / 🪷 — we havent talked a lot but im still happy to have you here!! :D

@beeirdos-buzzing-bogaloo / 🐥 — apparently very normal about sebek. the Most normal. we havent talked a lot but hes silly :D

@dove-da-birb / 🪿 — literally so funny. putting you in my pocket right now!! ALSO I LOVE YOUR BRAINROTTING HELP

@loser-jpg / 😬 — YOUR BEWILDERMENT AT MY DASH SPAMMING WAS REALLY FUNNY i hope you get used to it </3

@ashipiko / 🌺 — THE #1 ACE KISSER EVER???? her art is so munchy and yummy i want to eat it :(( HER STYLE IS SO CUTE SRSLY IF YOU HAVENT SEEN HER ART YET PLEASE CHECK IT OUT

@shyhaya / you should pick an emoji!! — wrote the most fantastic delicious delightful heart wrenching thing for azul and tagged ME in it :(((( AAAAAA IM SO SORRY I DIDNT SEE IT SOONER. IF YOU EVER WRITE FOR AZUL AGAIN PLEASE TAG ME I'D LOVE TO SEE IT.

@musicalhistorical / 👹 — omg hi quotev person you've been putting up w my bullshit since forever ITS SO FUNNY TO SEE YOU HERE LMAO

@thehollowwriter / 🎶 — ITS LITERALLY A CRIME I HAVENT FOUND YORU WRITING SOONER??? WHY HAVENT I SEEN IT??? IM GOING TO BINGE YOUR AZUL FICS RIGHT NOW EVERYONE SHUT UP I AM SHAKING YOU AROUND QUINN

♡ AUBURN'S ANONS!!

magical girl anon

seahorse anon

❤️ anon

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bbyquokka · 2 years

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betrayal

pairing: bang chan x fem reader

genre: angst, smut – MDNI

synopsis: chan betrayed your trust. he tries his best to show you how sorry he is, but did it worked? or was it too much for you to bear.

warnings: cheating, heartbreak, elevated feelings, smut, unprotected sex, make-up sex, heated moment, explicit language, nipple play, clit play, pussy eating, rutting, face-riding, possessiveness, jealousy, creampie, some masturbation [ m ], pet names [ pup, my love, baby ], biting, mentions of insecurities, anxiety and imperfections – if i missed any, lmk!!

words: 5k

tag: @bellamuerte1987

a/n: i cried whilst writing this – especially the ending! why am i like this, lmaoo. anyways, i hope y'all enjoy this mess. i am currently battling a cold rn so if it seems jumbled up, that's because it is, lmaoo.🤧

Feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated as they help get my fics/blog out there. please let me know what you think, ty for the support and love as of lately! i hope y'all enjoy!

♡ m.list

dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

Silence. The background noise of your TV became a distant sound. Dizziness and nausea slowly creeping its way to the back of your throat. Your ears ringing. You're staring at your phone screen, eyes watering from either not blinking for 5 minutes or because of what you were seeing.

Your heart shattering into a million pieces, palms sweaty. Heartbreak, anger, disgust was all you could feel. Emotions and adrenaline coursing through your veins. You couldn't believe your eyes.

Minho 😈 [22:30]: im sry, (Y/N) you have to see this…

Minho 😈 [22:31] picture attached

I'm so so sry…

Chan, your lover of only 3 months, was photographed kissing someone else. As soon as you saw it, your mouth ran dry. You wanted to scream, punch the cushions, smash things up around your apartment in fits of rage – but you couldn't.

You felt numb. You couldn't tear your eyes away from the screen. Occasionally zooming in with your index and pointer finger for the millionth time to make sure it is who Minho said it is.

You thought it was a joke, a big practical joke on you when Minho explained it was Chan. You and Minho don't get on at the best of times, you're both headstrong people with strong opinions, so naturally you both clash, however, Minho isn't that type of person to make something as serious as this up.

You swallowed a lump in your throat. You clenched your jaw, your throat becoming dry in an instant. No matter how many times you swallowed, your throat stayed dry. Soon enough, you ran out of saliva.

You took deep breaths, closing your eyes and counting to ten, slowly. You blinked back hot tears, swallowing down your nausea. You walked to the kitchen, your bare feet slapping softly against the wooden floor.

Grabbing a glass, you filled it up with cold water. You placed your phone screen side down at the breakfast bar, parking yourself on the high stool as you sipped your water and waiting, staring into the void.

You didn't have to wait long. Soon enough, a cheerful Chan came in through the door, unaware that his life was about to be turned upside down. Humming, he kicked his shoes off before walking inside, looking around for you. You stared at him, placing your glass down on the breakfast bar. Chan grinned when he saw you, walking to you with a bounce in his step.

"Hey baby!" Chan said cheerfully, unaware of what's to come. He smelt of sweat and alcohol, with a hint of cheap perfume. It enraged you even more.

Chan leaned in to kiss your lips but you instantly turned your head, denying his kiss as his lips connected with your cheek. Chan pulled away slowly, feeling your hostile mood. His brows furrowed, smile turning into a frown.

"Babe? You okay?" His voice laced with concern. You simply shrugged, picking up your glass and sipping your water.

"I don't know Chan. You tell me." You replied, voice monotone. Chan blinked, trying to read your emotions or body language, but to no avail.

"I don't understand." You scoffed, short puffs of hot air escaping your nostrils. You put your glass down and looked at Chan for the first time since he got home.

Chan swallowed. Your somewhat calm demeanor scaring him. His mind working overtime to figure out what he has – or hasn't – done. You took deep breaths, chest rising before you grabbed your phone. You opened it, the picture staring at you once again. Refusing to let your hot tears fall, you pressed your lips in a thin line, eyes blinking rapidly.

You flipped your phone, showing Chan the screen you had been staring at for an hour and a half. His eyes widened in horror.

"Where-"

"Minho. Minho sent it me." You replied coldly, cutting Chan off mid sentence. Chan sighed deeply, running his fingers through his hair.

"That bastard" He mumbled under his breath. You raised a brow, your anger resurfacing – this time, you allowed it to take control of your body. You exploded.

"Seriously Chan?!" Chan's head shot up as you slammed your phone down on the breakfast bar. "I show you a picture of you sucking the face off some other women and your first instinct is to call your best friend a bastard?!"

"I-No!" Chan exclaimed. You stood up, standing in front of him. Your body hot with rage, words spewing from your mouth.

"Then what Chan?! Why? Why did you do it?"

"It was-" Chan sighed, rubbing the back of his neck "It was a dare. Changbin dared me to, so I did." You laughed in disbelief, your eyes narrowing into thin slits as you glared at Chan.

"A dare? Seriously, a fucking dare?! Y'know what it's like, Chan. To sit here day in day out, constantly thinking whether you will be home or not? Do you know how anxious I feel, knowing that you're out there, getting shitfaced?!"

"I-Im sorry, babe! it means nothing!"

"It doesn't matter whether it meant something or not, Chan!! You still kissed someone else!" Your vision blurry with tears. You hastily wiped your eyes with the back of your hand as Chan pressed his lips together in a thin line. Before he could stop himself, the words spewed from his mouth without a second thought.

"Oh come on, (Y/N) it's not like I fucked her there and then. It's not a big deal, just some stupid dare." Chan's eyes widened once he registered what he said. You stood in front of him in disbelief, shocked and speechless at what he just said.

"fuck, fuck, babe, I didn't mean it. I-"

"You're right. You didn't fuck her, well done. But why has it taken for Minho to tell me this?! Huh? Would you have told me yourself, or would you have just pretended nothing had happened and lied to me?"

You shoved Chan's chest, pushing him close to the wall with each word you spoke. This time, you allowed your tears to fall. You allowed all the pent up feelings you were suppressing to explode.

"I would have, I'm sorry!" Chan's own eyes filled with tears as he allowed you to shove him against the wall.

"Sorry for doing it or sorry you got caught?" You questioned.

"Oh, come on! Of course I'm sorry for doing it. It meant nothing to me! You're the only person I have eyes for, pup!" Your lip turned at the corner in disgust.

"It doesn't matter whether it meant something or not. You. Still. Did. It!" Tears cascading down your cheeks. Your breath labored as your throat was getting sore from shouting. A headache slowly creeping its way in.

"I know, I know whatever I say won't make a change, but believe me when I say I love you and I always will!" Chan pleaded. You laughed, kicking your head back at his words.

"Love? No you don't Chan because if you did, you wouldn't have done it! You didn't think of me at all when you kissed her. Nothing in your mind told you not to do this, to tell changbin no and that you're not going to do the dare! You still went along with it and if Minho wasn't there, you would have gotten away with it as well!"

Chan looked at the ground, feeling defeated. No matter what he said, nothing could make you change your mind about this.

"I have been, so fucking faithful to you Chan. I have put my trust into you and for what? for you to stomp on it." Your voice was shaky as you spoke, your heart breaking all over again.

Chan looked up at you, his own heart breaking at the sight of you. Eye and cheeks puffy, a red tint across your cheeks from anger, a cold sweat lay across your forehead. Your beautiful eyes glossy with tears. He loves you so much and he has royally fucked up.

"You know how I feel about stuff like this Chan." You whispered. Chan's heart dropped to his stomach, panic settling on his facial features.

"N-No! Please.." You looked at the ground, sobs shaking your figure. You wiped your eyes and cheeks. Chan placed a hand on your shoulder gently, only for you to slap it away. Chan pressed his lips together, tears falling down his face.

"Pup, please don't.. I love you so much. Please. Just let me prove to you how sorry I am!" Chan begged. Short splutters of air escaped your lips, your ability to calm down failing.

"I-I love you t-too, Chan. But you betrayed me. You h-hurt me.."

"I know, I know pup. Just please, give me another chance." Chan whispered, wrapping his arms around you. This time, you allowed it. You allowed yourself to drown in this familiar warmth – a warmth you call home. You allowed Chan to pull you close to his chest, his gentle hands wiping away your tears as his own continued to fall.

"Don't cry, my love. I hate seeing you like this."

"YOU did this!" You shot back, words bitter. Chan simply nodded, cupping your cheeks in both his hands so you were forced to look at him.

"I'm sorry, pup. Please, give me another chance, or at least, let me prove to you how much you mean to me." His voice barely a whisper.

You weakly shook your head, failing to get out of his grip. You avoided eye contact because you know just with one look into those beautiful eyes, and you're putty in his hands.

"Look at me." You whimpered, refusing "Pup, look at me."

You looked. Just as expected, you melted. Despite his puffy cheeks and bloodshot eyes, despite the fact a faint bruise was forming on his neck, you couldn't help yourself but be drawn into him.

Chan leaned in slowly, his lips ghosting over your own. You held onto his wrists as his hands held your face, softly.

"Let me show you how much I love you, pup." His voice low. The smell of alcohol and cheap perfume hitting your nostrils, making your stomach churn. You whimpered weakly, stray tears falling down your cheeks.

"N-No." you replied weakly. Your body betrayed you as your skin felt hot beneath Chan's fingertips.

"No?" Chan questioned. "You don't want this?"

You swallowed, closing your eyes slowly. You didn't want him, but now, you do. The constant smell of the cheap perfume made you jealous. How dare she touch what belongs to you! How dare she make a mark on his delicate skin! How dare she!

A wave of new emotions washed over you. Jealousy and possessiveness. Two dangerous emotions to feel at the same time. You know you shouldn't, he did you wrong on so many levels, but you couldn't help it. You wanted to erase the stench, erase the marks and make new ones. He's yours and yours only!

Love is blind.

"I-I do.. I want you Chan." You whispered. Chan pressed his lips against yours, kissing you desperately. You responded back, mimicking his movements. The taste of alcohol and cherry lip balm made you feel nauseous all over again. Your emotions heightened. You're not thinking straight and for the first time, you didn't want to think or feel.

"C-Channie." You softly moaned. During the kiss, you made your way to the bedroom, lips staying attached to one another. Clothing stripped and discarded in random piles. Chan placed you on your back gently, caressing your curves by planting soft and delicate kisses.

Your thighs, hips, stomach, breasts – anywhere where Chan could reach, he kissed. soft compliments in the form of mumbles left his lips, hoping it would prove to you and somewhat make you feel better

But it didn't. It just hurts you even more. His statements of you being so beautiful and perfect to him stung more and more. You bit your lip, tears threatening to spill over as you watched Chan tenderly kissing your stomach and hip dips.

You let out a sob, your tears falling and landing on the sheets below you. Chan looked up, instantly bringing his face close to yours. He kissed away your tears softly, stroking your hair

"Don't cry, my love." His own voice breaking at the sight of you. He's hurt you in the worst way possible – now he has to live with the guilt.

"It'll all be okay in the end, I promise you." You nodded slowly, snuffling. "Let me help you forget."

His lips pecking yours in the most subtle but softest way possible. You whimpered as he slowly made his way down, kissing your neck and the valley between your breasts. He kissed your left breast softly, sucking your delicate skin. You hummed at the feeling, fresh bruises developing.

The tip of his tongue circling around your nipple making you whimper. He pressed his tongue flat against your sensitive bud, licking and flicking. You moaned softly, eyes closing at the feeling. You pressed your thighs together, squeezing them.

With his free hand, Chan cupped your right breast, massaging it softly in his big hands. His fingers occasionally brushing against your nipple, rolling it between his fingers.

"Fuck, You're so beautiful, (Y/N)" Chan mummered against your nipple. You swallowed softly, humming as a response before closing your eyes.

Pulling away from your breast, Chan shuffled further down, opening your legs gently to reveal your wet core. Chan licked his lips slowly, his gaze fixated on your cunt. He swallowed, watching it clench and throb.

"Fuckkk" He groaned. Using two of his fingers, he parted your lips giving himself a better view of your entrance. His head dipped low. His tongue darting out and making contact with your clit. Your body jolted at the sudden contact, soft groans leaving your lips. His tongue skillfully draws small circles around your clit before giving it short and quick flicks with the tip of his tongue.

You opened your legs wider as Chan slowly licked your entrance, tongue darting in and out, collecting your essence on his tongue. He hummed at the taste, licking a long wet strip from entrance to clit and back down again.

You tangled your fingers into his hair, soft moans leaving your lips as you closed your eyes. Chan gripped your thighs gently, squeezing your soft flesh as he licked inside, out and around your cunt. You felt your pussy pulsating, pleasure running through your veins as you allowed yourself to get lost in it.

You tugged Chan's hair softly, moaning his name. Your hips bucked and rutted against his face. His nose bumping and rubbing against your clit, sending shivers to run down your spine. Chans tongue continued to do work inside your entrance, collecting every spillage and every drop of your essence.

You pressed Chan's face against your pussy, grinding and rutting against it desperately, using it for your own sake. Chan hummed, allowing you to do as you please.

"Good, so good." You whimpered, soft pants leaving your lips. Your essence coating Chan's lips and chin, his own hips rutting against the bedsheets, desperate for some sort of friction. Saliva and slick coated your cunt making it glisten in the faint light

Chan slowly loses himself in your scent and taste, slowly feeling feral. His hips rutting against the sheets desperately. Your toes curled as you tugged Chan's hair roughly at his scalp, a grunt leaving his lips.

The knot in the pit of your stomach slowly forming. Your hips moving at a pace, desperately chasing your high. The warmth and wetness of Chan's tongue and saliva mixed in with your slick, his owns hums mixing in with your desperate moans

"C-Chan.." A simple hum vibrated against your cunt sending shivers down your spine. You squeezed your eyes shut, gripping Chan's hair even tighter as your toes curled.

Your body shook as your orgasm hit you. Soft whimpers leaving your lips as Chan collects every drop of essence onto his tongue. Your pussy convulsing against Chan's face, his nose rubbing your sensitive clit as your rutting slowed down. Chan gave your clit a flick, making you jolt at the sensitivity.

Chan pulled away, kneeling up and between your legs. His cheeks flush as slick coated his chin and lips. You whimpered softly at the sight, body feeling hot and sweaty as your heart was racing against your ribcage

"You taste so good, pup. Did it feel good riding on my face?" Chan smirked as you nodded slowly

"It felt so good channie." Chan hummed softly, stroking his hard cock, the pad of his thumb occasionally pressing against his leaking tip as he would rub slow circles on it. You watched Chan get himself off, his head kicked back as he'd groan and moan your name softly.

Your eyes traveled along his sweat coated body. His abs tensing at the pleasure his own hand was providing. His eyes closed shut as his mouth hung open slightly. His biceps visible contacting, his veins protruding along his hand and arms.

The sight was enough to make you cum again

Until your eyes landed on that stupid bruise that lay proudly on his neck. you clenched your jaw as you stared at it. Everything you felt previous, came flooding back.You wanted to claw at the bitch who dared lay her fingers on your man – on your property. You didn't even know her, yet you hated her

Chan opened his eyes slowly. He looked at you, tilting his head to the side

"You okay, pup?" Your face softened. You smiled softly at Chan, pushing your anger to the side not wanting to ruin the moment

"Everything is good, Channie. You just looked so handsome and delicious." You mewled. Chan laughed softly, leaning over you as he placed his hands firmly beside your head.

"Is that so?" you hummed and nodded.

"Absolutely, Channie. You always look so handsome"

"Stop. It should be me who should be complimenting you." Chan hummed, kissing your lips softly. You hummed into the kiss, your arms wrapping around his neck gently to keep him close.

Chan reached between your bodies, grabbing the base of his cock. He tapped it a few times against your cunt, a whimper leaving your lips

"Are you okay with this, pup?"

"Of course I am, chan. Make love to me, please." Chan smiled against your lips, slowly inserting his cock into your entrance. You groaned at the feeling of being stretched out, a slight burn running all over your body.

Chan pushed himself inside until he was half way, waiting for you to get used to his size. You whimpered softly, holding onto Chan's shoulders.

"Big, you're so big Chan. I feel so full already." You whined. Chan shivered at your words, his ego inflating slightly

"Don't. I won't be able to hold back if you carry on, pup."

"But it's true. You feel so good inside me, Channie." You mewled, hand coming to his cheek and stroking it softly.

"P-Please, don't." Chan whimpered, leaning into your hand as he kissed the palm of it.

"Don't what? Tell you how full I feel? How stretched out I am because of your thick cock." Chan hung his head low, teeth biting his lower lip as he struggled between wanting to destroy your insides to wanting to delicately take care of you.

You leaned up, lips ghosting the shell of his ear as you licked it slowly before whispering

"Why don't you fuck me like you mean it, Sir."

Chan grunted, his hands gripping your hips harshly. Your head fell back onto the sheets as you smirked. Chan's eyes full of lust and need.

"You fucking tease." Chan growled, pulling his hips back before snapping them against your own, his cock hitting deep inside you. Your body jolted, a loud moan escaping your lips as you smirked.

"What can I say Chan. I like it when you go feral. It's delicious." Chan's response was to pull his hips back once more and pause, his tip remaining inside of you

"Oh really? I always knew you had such a filthy mouth and it never surprises me when you talk dirty." He pushed his length inside you so he was now balls deep

Fast and powerful thrusts shook your body. His cock rubbing your velvety walls as his tip hit deep inside you. The bed shook and hit against the wall from how powerful Chan's hips were snapping against your own

The sounds of your cunt squelching mixed in with your moans and Chan's desperate grunts. Chan knelt up, taking your legs in his hands for leverage. His hips constantly slapping against your own, balls hitting your ass.

He repositioned himself to hit your sweet spot and once he did, he smirked feeling proud of himself once your loud and sweet moan hit his ears, sending shivers down his spine and his cock to twitch inside you.

You withered and clinged onto the bed sheets until your knuckles turned white. Beads of sweat ran down your temples as incoherent words and moans left your lips. Chan's gaze fell down on the area in which connected the both of you, his cock coating in your slick each time he pulled out and pushed in.

"Fuckkk" Sweat coated Chan's body, his thrusts becoming greedy and desperate. He pushed his sweaty hair back with a free hand before looking down at you. He smirked, placing his hand on your lower stomach, feeling his cock bulging against his hand.

"I'm so deep inside you, pup. Holy fuck." You hummed, nodding your head as your ability to speak was no more.

You felt good – so good that you forgot. Forgot why you were angry, why you were hurting. You allowed yourself to be taken in by Chan, soaking in all of his warmth and pleasure he provided. Chan is your safe place, your home and for one second, you just wanted to pretend everything was okay

Even though it will never be the same again.

Chan's hips faltered, your cunt clenching around Chan's cock. His movements becoming sloppy, his abs and thighs tensing and burning.

"Chan, I'm-"

"Me too, pup." You whimper, reaching up to grab Chan. You pulled him down so he was leant over you. His hot skin radiating onto you from how close you both are, pants mixing together. You both closed your eyes, lips meeting together in a sloppy and lazy kiss.

You groaned, gripping onto Chan's shoulders tightly as your orgasm hit. Your nails digging into his skin as you pulled away from his lips. Your eyes came into contact with the mark, your feral instincts taking over.

As your cunt was pulsating and throbbing around Chan, you took the opportunity to sink your teeth into his neck, over the mark. A loud groan rang down your ears as you bit and sucked the skin, desperate to override the previous mark.

You whimpered against his skin, becoming more and more desperate to erase any marks on his body. Chan groaned at the pain, his eyes squeezing shut.

"B-baby, it hurts." Your eyes widened, pulling away slowly. You swallowed, teeth marks and a newly formed bruise that was deep purple formed on his skin

"Sorry.." You whispered, head falling back onto the pillows. Chan shook his head indicating it was okay, his hips still thrusting deep inside you

After a couple more thrusts, Chan groaned as his hips stopped. His cock twitched deep inside you, filling you up with his seed. You hummed at the feeling, your cunt clenching around him as it encouraged him to milk himself inside you. Chan thrusted shallowly to ride out his high and once he was calm, he pulled his now flaccid cock out of you and collapsed on top of you, careful not to crush you with his weight.

"I love you so much, pup." Chan said as his eyes slowly closed. His head rested against your chest so he could hear your erratic heartbeat. You stroked his sweaty hair slowly, tears spilling down your cheeks as you stared into the void.

"I love you too."

The next morning, Chan awoke to a cold and empty bed. He stretched, groaning at the feeling as he rubbed sleep from his eyes. He allowed his eyes to adjust to the harsh morning light, reaching over to your side – only for his hand to come into contact with the cold sheets

His head spun to the side, eyes widening in horror. He sprung out of bed, throwing the sheets off him. Nausea and anxiety hitting him like a truck, not wanting his biggest fear to come true. He opened the wardrobe, the drawers, checked the cabinets and bathroom.

Gone. Everything you owned was gone. Chan took shaky deep breaths as he exited from the bathroom. A shaky hand running through his hair as he paced the bedroom.

"Fuck fuck fuck. This cannot be happening! I'm such an idiot. What have I done?!"

He sat on the bed, head in hands as tears fell down his cheeks, reality hitting him hard. He looked up to find a letter addressed to him leaning against a photo frame that held a dorky selfie of you both.

Chan grabbed the letter, opening it with shaky hands. Broken sobs and tears landed on the paper, the ink bleeding as he read it. Realization hitting him over and over again as he read the letter, more than once

You were gone and Chan only has himself to blame.

"Chan,

My sweet, darling chan. I love you, more than you will ever know which is why I have to do this.

You have taught me many things in the space of three months. I have never loved myself. I've always been hard on myself, forever comparing myself to other people and wondering why I am not like them. I hated my imperfections and my insecurities got the better of me at times. I was so use to faking it and hiding behind a mask, that it became second nature to me

Finding someone to love me for who I am, was hard. I've had many broken and failed relationships and before I met you, I essentially gave up. I accepted that this is who I forever will be

Broken.

Until you came along. When I saw you in the bar, looking so gorgeous, I went home that night and thanked God. When you approached me, I was so nervous and sweating because I didn't want you to see the real me because, like many others, it'd scare you away.

But you were quick to catch on. You knew I was being fake and even though you were smart, you never pressed me about it which I am thankful for. You allowed me to slowly come out off my shell, at my own pace. Yes, I was scared to show you the true me, but the more time I spent with you, the more I realise that, you love me for me

You didn't care about my imperfections, you adored them! You soothed me of my worries and insecurities. You taught me how to love myself again, how to accept and love my imperfections because nobody is perfect!

Because you loved my imperfections, I slowly started to love them too. You saw them as perfect and a part of who I am, so why shouldn't I? It did take some time, however, my mind was in a constant battle with itself over what is right and what is wrong.

But seeing you, so loved up for someone as broke as me, made me feel whole again. Made me feel like a person. You made me feel like I have meaning on this shitty planet. You taught me many things Chan, but the one thing I will forever be grateful of, is the fact that you taught me how to love myself again.

However, waking up next to you this morning and knowing what happened, sent my mind into overdrive. My insecurities came flooding back.

Stupid questions of 'How long did the kiss last?' 'Was it just a peck or a full blown make out session?' And then I saw the mark last night. She marked you Chan. She marked what belonged to me. I went feral with rage. I HAD to override the mark, reclaim what is mine! In that moment, I didn't recognise who I was and it scared me. I was so consumed with blaming her that it never occurred to me that you're just as much to blame for this as she is.

For all I know, she probably doesn't even know about me. You probably thought it was a bit of harmless fun so you went along with it, not expecting this outcome. This is the consequences for your actions Chan.

it's not fair on us, to have this hanging over our heads so, I decided to take a break. I need to get my head in the right place again. I'm staying at my mother's for a while, in case you were wondering.

One look at you and it all comes flooding back to me. It's not fair on either of us. I don't want to constantly hold this against you whilst we try and heal.

I can forgive you Chan, but I cannot forget, not at this moment of time anyways. Please don't hold this against you, my love. it's not your fault. They say things happen for a reason, so maybe this is a good thing for us. Maybe we will come back better and stronger as one.

Please take this time apart to heal. I want the best for you Channie because I will forever love you, no matter what happens. I want to see you thrive and become a better person, to learn from this.

I love you more than you will ever know, my love. You are my heart and soul. You have left tiny footprints on my heart. I simply cannot remove you from my life – I refuse to!!

– forever yours, pup. x"

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hypergamiss · 2 months

Note

how do you get over thinking that your dreams are unrealistic? And starting things halfway but never finishing due to insecurity/self sabotage? I’ve had a desire to live in Russia since I was a kid and saw the st. Basils cathedral, and I have been learning Russian on and off but recently I’ve started to get serious. I’ve been researching about foreigners living in Russia and everything I learned has been great so far. I know what my passion is, I love writing, about anything really, politics, history, pop culture, etc. I am lucky that I’ve found my passion and talent already, but I worry my dreams are “too big”. I did research on my dream job, working at Russia Today in Moscow, they said they’re looking for someone w a passion for writing, international news, and to make social media/documentary content. Aka me in a nutshell. I want to continue to write a blog on substack, (started but barely post) and create a podcast to interview ppl on, go back to making infographics on instagram (I have about 4k followers rn but I haven’t posted in a year due to dumb insecurities) and also continue to finish the documentaries I started making. A lot of my issues stem from self sabotage, and issues w self worth/esteem. The internet is genuinely a great place to grow, and build yourself, learn sm languages, and great opportunities, but my self esteem issues are holding me back. I feel like I’m not worthy of these things, probably due to how I was treated in childhood (interests being made fun of, emotional abuse, etc.) I want to get over it however, I’m a grown adult now. I have everything I need in front of me, but I can’t seem to do anything ): please help.

First off, Russia since childhood and a passion for writing – that's not unrealistic, that's AWESOME. You've done your research, you know what your dream job looks like, and you even have a social media following ready to go. You're further ahead than most people who only have vague notions of what they want.

Now, about that inner critic: Childhood crap leaves scars and that voice telling you you're not worthy? It's lying to you. You're a grown-up now, and you get to rewrite the script. That starts with small steps:

Just ONE thing: Pick ONE project to finish – your blog, those documentaries, whatever calls to you most. Don't overwhelm yourself.

Tiny Commitments: Not "finish the blog," but "write for 15 minutes today." Small wins build confidence and you're finished before you know it!

Your Inner Cheerleader: Every time the negative voices start, counter with ONE positive statement about yourself. Sounds cheesy, but it retrains your brain.

Here's the thing: You're not alone! Self-sabotage is a beast, but there are tons of resources online. Look up stuff on limiting beliefs, and imposter syndrome – it'll help you understand that voice in your head isn't the real you. If you can get a therapist to help you work even further through everything I highly recommend it!

It's a journey, not a sprint. Some days you'll rock it, others you might stumble. That's okay! Progress matters more than perfection. Think of those documentaries you want to make. This journey of overcoming your insecurities and building your dream life? That's a story worth telling, and guess what – YOU are the main character. Now go write your next chapter!

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goodoldfashionedengineer · 3 months

Text

I am watching Daisy Jones & the Six rn, a fictional band which was really popular in the 70s but had a fallout and no one answered why, until 20 years later when they interview the band members and people involved with them, a documentary of sorts.

And I love that sort of thing.

So, idea: Bruce was a brilliant scientist and one day, he disappeared from the face of the earth (on the day of the gamma bomb test). They make a documentary about Bruce Banner in the 80s/90s.

None of his still living family members wanted to participate.

They pull in some other people.

Elementary school teacher: "He was gifted from a young age. Always on top of his class. Could read before he was four years old. But he wasn't really sociable. He didn't have any friends, no. The other kids quickly saw him as a target and ganged up on him."

"It was usually his mom who picked him up. Brian Banner, his father, was known to... Not be a pleasant person. A very angry and also insecure man.”

Former neighbor, “The neighborhood wasn't really a community. Except for church services, maybe. But yeah, you could hear screams from the Banner house very often. Mr and Mrs Banner went out a lot and the boy stayed with the Nanny. Highly unpleasant person as well. You didn't see her often but you knew that you just didn't want to talk with her.”

Bartender, “Brian Banner was a regular. Nobody liked him because he got really aggressive when drunk. And loud. He would often complain about his son, making claims about him being a monster. It was at these moments I was glad he was at the bar instead of at home.”

Former neighbor: “Rebecca did sport a black eye every now and then, no amount of make-uo was going to conceal that. Plus she wore long-sleeved shirts even in summer. She was a good woman. She didn't deserve what happened to her. But yes, the clues that something like this could happen were there.”

Reporter: “What happened?”

Police Officer #1: “We got a call. An accident with one person dead. We arrived at the scene and we all knew that this was no accident.”

Police Officer #2: “He was still kneeling beside her bleeding body. His hands, his face, his clothes, they were all covered in blood. I gave him a blanket, guided him away to our car. He didn't show any signs of emotions. But tears were running down his face. Suddenly, he said ‘She didn’t slip. "He killed her’.”

Police Officer #3: “I remember him. I couldn't ever forget that case. I was with him at the station while we waited for his aunt. He was sitting there all alone, wrapped in a blanket so I decided to get him a hot chocolate. You could see that he had it tough in life. There were bruises on his arms, some handshapped. I brought the hot chocolate over to him and he was holding out his arm. Was muttering something along the lines of ‘I can't find it’. I never understood it.”

Reporter: “You were his middle school teacher?”

Teacher #1: “Yes, I was.”

Reporter: “What do you remember about him?”

Teacher #1: “He was a real troublemaker. Not because of his grades, but he would cause scenes because he only ever wanted to work alone, which backfired multiple times. And his constant mumbling!”

Reporter: “Mumbling?”

Teacher: “Yes! He would talk to himself so often, even during class! And then he had the audacity to not even pay attention to the lesson!”

Schoolmate #1: “I was in the same class as him.”

“Ohh, yes, he mumbled to himself so often! Not even himself, his imaginary friend. Imaginary friend! We were teenagers and the guy still had an imaginary friend. Probably because no one else would willingly spend time with him.”

“Hulk. He always called him Hulk, yeah. Even wrote that name down in his notebook he always carried around.”

“He had this notebook and he would write in it whenever he could. Even during class.”

“I don't know what he wrote in it anymore. Some sort of equations.”

Carla, schoolmate: “He stepped in when Ken, the school bully, harrassed me. He didn't have to do that, but he did anyway.”

“Well, they… they beat him up. He had to go to the hospital. Broken ribs. But once he came back, he asked me if I was okay!”

“What I said? Erm, stuff I regret saying. I don't want to talk about it. We were teenagers and I had a lot to deal with already. I had my own insecurities and your reputation was really important back in school. It wasn't fair, yes, but I was just a girl.”

“He was a good person. Sure, he was weird, but he did not deserve to be bullied. Nobody does.”

Reporter: “How do you know Bruce Banner?”

Former college student #1: “We were roommates during college.”

Reporter: “What was he like?”

Former college student #1: “Smart. Passionate. Awkward. He was great at what he did, a real favorite amongst teachers. He studied with Stoddard, another gamma scientist. Stoddard was always jealous of Banner, because he worked much harder but Banner was the one who got all the praise.”

“It wasn't that Banner was lazy, he was just a genius who just instantly understood everything it seemed. When he had a problem, he would immediately try to solve it.”

Reporter: “How do you know Bruce Banner?”

“We were friends during college.”

“We had a study group in college and we would spend the weekends together too sometimes.”

“We were all nerds, which is why it was so easy to talk together. The rest? They didn't understand us. But we understood each other.”

Former college student #3: “We had fun sharing our interests, sharing knowledge, getting into rambles, going into hypothetical scenarios.”

Former college student #2: *rubbing the back of his neck* “What we would do in our free time together? Ehh.”

Former college student #3: “Drugs.”

Former college student #2: “It was the 70s and burnt out college students. I’m sure that’s all that you need.”

Former college student #1: “Once, I hadn't seen him for three days. I didn't think much of it until he came back. He looked really shaken up and spaced-out. Told me he was at a cafe three towns over. Apparently he had no idea how he got there and just walked back.”

“If he went to parties? Usually not. Except when he did. See, most of the time he was really timid. He was sure of himself, but still introverted. But when he did go out? The guy went all the way. Would even ask me if I wanted to come with him, which I declined. He was like a completely different person.”

Former college student #2: “We had a great time together. Parties were so fun! He really knew how to charm the ladies. It was like Clark Kent and Superman, one second an unassuming guy, the next, he knew how to read the room and what to say to people to get what he wants as if he could read their minds.”

Former college student #3: “Sometimes we would drive to a casino, he would make some money and afterwards we would get something to eat.”

Former college student #2: “And sometimes… Sometimes it seemed more like possession than a superpower. I remember one time we were in the car, mentally not 100% present and he asked really panicked ‘Where am I? How did I get here?’. And that whole confident demeanor? It was gone.”

Former college student #1: “Yes, this was not the only occurrence. Sometimes he would become… childish? He would talk in a few word sentences. I blamed it on sleep deprivation but when I asked him about it, he told me he didn't remember.”

Journalist: “What happened after Dr. Banner’s college time is mostly speculation. What we do know is that he tried to get funding for his research but was declined. As to what his idea consisted of, we have no idea. Eventually he would join the government and this was the last officially known thing about him. His contact with friends and family members became less and less. Of course, he had co-workers that would probably know more, but even the ones working with him are mostly classified and the ones we do know of were unable to be contacted. Eventually a missing person report was filed - and immediately closed. Did he die? Is he held captive? Did he see something he was not supposed to see? As of now, we don't have the answers. But there is hope that we one day will.”

#bruce banner #marvel 616 #marvel #marvel comics #marvel fanfiction #the incredible hulk #incredible hulk #hulk #gamma system #brian banner #rebecca banner #tw blood mention #tw death #tw past abuse #marvel au #earth 616 #616 bruce banner

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ethanhuntfemmefatale · 9 months

Note

Okay give us the TC movie ranking, and know Punct and I will be taking notes

Also have you seen Collateral yet bc yooooooooooooooooo

I have not I need to see it!!!! I might make another ranking once I’ve seen more of his films cause the list isn’t That long rn. There are so many of his movies on my to-watch list

So far of his movies I have seen: all the MI films, Edge of Tomorrow, The Firm, Risky Business, Oblivion, Jerry Maguire, Top Gun, and Top Gun Maverick. For those films, my ranking is below (top to bottom):

1. Mission: Impossible (specifically 1,5,6,7 but I’m partial to 2 and he does great acting in 3 and 4 so I’m just gonna put the whole franchise at the top for simplicity’s sake. This is my least objective ranking cause I love this fucking franchise) I just think MI is neat. I think TC has had a chance to do something really unusual with Ethan Hunt and I really fucking love it. The movies are excellent action films but they also just consistently feel personal and well crafted and thoughtful. Love this franchise so fucking much

2. Risky Business—honestly I can’t say enough good things about this movie. It’s emotionally complex and emotionally unusual and hurts to watch in a cathartic way that sticks with you. This might be some of TC’s best acting although there’s also just a very particular awkwardness and vulnerability to the role that he doesn’t usually get to portray in his later films. I don’t want to be the guy that says his best acting was when he was young, and I don’t think that’s true, but his acting was definitely fucking spectacular when he was young

3. Top Gun: Maverick. TC is beyond excellent in this movie. He holds up most of the main emotional threads (gonna say something blasphemous to TGM fans here but when I watched it I felt like the only actor who truly kept pace with him was Val Kilmer in their one scene together.) it’s a testament to him that the movie is as strong as it is. And it is really strong!!

4. Edge of Tomorrow—this is a personal thing for me I could see the Firm being ranked over EOT but I like EOT better. Bottom line for me if I had to choose one of them to watch I would choose EOT every time. TC is so great and expressive and funny in it and Emily Blunt is just epic as Rita and even though I have some issues with it they’re pretty nitpicky. I like that it’s a very genre-standard movie that has its own ideas, and there are some really interesting moments where the movie Does Something that’s surprising and emotional and doesn’t just follow the formula. But it’s also just entertaining. I feel like it’s more than the sum of its parts and I loved it more than I expected to. It’s the kind of movie that I can’t help engaging with when I watch, which wasn’t the case with the Firm, I felt like I had to “buy in”

5. Top Gun—yes I know I just said firm could be ranked above EOT. I also feel like it could be ranked above Top Gun cause I do think Firm is a more well done film. I expected to like Top Gun more than I did…but the things I did like about it hit me hard and left an impression. What I really liked about it was literally just Mav and Goose. Goose is the fucking center of the movie and Mav works as a character because of his relationship with Goose. The scenes with them got to me hard, shout-out to “you’re the only family I’ve got,” gotta be one of my favorite crying wailing moments. This might be controversial but I didn’t like Charlie and that weakened the film for me

6. The Firm—pros of this movie, Jeanne Tripplehorn. She’s stunning in it. I love TC and he does good work here but he never gets to her level. Cons, the suspense didn’t totally hit (although I know people who thought it totally did so that might be me) and the emotional beats didn’t really impact me they just landed and I thought oh that’s interesting. I never went rabid which for me is a necessity to recommend a movie highly, although it’s a personal thing and isn’t based on movie quality

7. Oblivion—I am actively angry at this movie because it has so much potential and it does not work. I would 10/10 watch it again to yell at the screen and go apeshit over the scenes that hit and be filled with disappointment and rage and shut my laptop feeling deeply unsatisfied and highly emotionally affected. It’s a solid watch, the aesthetic sense is amazing (I would give it all up for TC in white leather) and it’s very entertaining. What I loved about it was that it had these striking and unexpected emotional beats. And then just when I felt invested it would shapeshift into a standard schlocky sci fi action film. To the point of undermining and sacrificing all the emotion it already set up. And in the end you come out of it having seen something that feels emotional and tense and thoughtful and meaningful—like 50% of the time—but completely falls apart thematically when faced with a stiff breeze. There are parts of this movie that literally haunt me. And there are parts of this movie that are just bog-standard, amateurish. And I’m so mad about it. This is the kind of movie that makes you plot out The Secret Good Version in your head at 2 am (guess what I was doing at 2 am last night)

8. Jerry Maguire—I HATE putting this movie here!! Because I know (/know of) two people whose lives were directly impacted by seeing this movie, one of whom became the concertmaster of the New York Philharmonic after seeing this movie, and I watched it years ago and it was my first experience with TC and I wanted to like it so badly. And I just didn’t. It did not work for me. I would really like to see it again to see if it works better now that I’m. Was I even a legal adult back then? God knows. Passage of time is a mindfuck. Anyway I don’t actually believe this is the worst of these movies I just didn’t connect with it for some reason and I might see it again in case that changes on rewatch

#arc I am hugging you….thank you so much for the ask #tc posting #also just a side note this list has 14 films on it and only one of them I had seen before I watched MI1 and fell in love with movies #before that I would watch maybe a couple movies a year #everybody stand for tom cruise etc

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freemindedspirit · 11 months

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Min Yoongi soulmate reading please? 🥹

A soulmate of Min Yoongi

For entertainment purposes only, this is not meant to start a witch hunt for this person or point out a person from the crowd, don’t use it as such.

THIS PERSON'S ENERGY OMGGGGGG they came through immediately with the Tower and the Nine of Cups immediately followed with The Star.Damn.

So, this person will come as a cataclysm for Suga.They are going to shake up his world, make things happen left and right.They are going to be every single thing he ever wished for and trust me THE MAN GOT HIIIIIGH STANDARDS.With the Star, they are going to be a renewal of hope in his life (Hobi i was actually rocking this reading PLS DO NOT COME THROUGH RN I AM ALREADY STRUGGLING).

With the Ace of Cups, they are going to start a new wave of sensitivity, of trust, of affection and emotional depth in his life.Not that he didnt have it before, to the contrary, but the emotional intuitive bond they will have will create emotional abundance in the two of them.A great flow they will share together.

Their meeting kickstarted a rapid and powerful growth in the two of them, and they are growing into highly emotionally stable, kind, giving, creative people

#yoongi tarot #bts tarot #bts soulmates

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sugarsnappeases · 3 months

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hi!! i see your thoughts on bartylily and i am eating them uppp. but i ask any thoughts on regubartylily? do we think they could work out?

hi hi darling!!!

i'm intrigued by this bc ofc i love bartylily, and i love bartylus and i'm occasionally partial to a bit of regulily as well but i don't think i've ever actually thought of them as a trio before….. am pondering it now tho and i feel like i could kinda get behind it??

bc in my mind regulus is the poshest, most pretentious person to ever walk the earth, he’s whipping out the most absurdly formal vocabulary at all times so it sounds like he’s gone and looked up synonyms in a thesaurus w every single word, he’s literally wearing a custom silk suit to bed and rising in the morning like a vampire from a coffin and there’s not a single crease in the fabric, and then he’s being confronted w barty and lily who’re just. they’re just sooooo

i think regulus, my fave repressed loser weirdo, would be just slightly fucking terrified by the two of them, especially if they’re together to start w which for some reason is the way i’m viewing them rn. like bartylily being this insane, incredibly intense couple who commit a lot of recreational arson and never miss a chance to cause a scene and regulus, who would rather die than be perceived while in public but also desperately craves the kinda all-consuming attention that the two of them have for each other, is just So overwhelmed by them

like reg hasn't expressed a single emotion in at least a decade, he's the embodiment of unflappability but in quite possibly the worst way ever, he hasn't had a day off since the dawn of time, he hasn't let himself relax since even before that, he doesn't have a single friend in the world and he's convinced himself he doesn't need them bc he's on his mindset grindset (my poor sad baby is debilitatingly lonely actually) but then somehow he's coming face to face w lily evans and bartemius crouch jr.

lily evans who's highly competent and driven but also messy and outspoken and often rude, who thinks that everything should happen exactly as she wants it to and if it doesn't then she'll make it, who's a force of nature and who has probably killed a man and who is inexplicably in love with barty. barty who's as sharp as a fucking knife and as dangerous as one too, who's wrapping himself up in so many layers of irony that it's impossible to tell what he really means at any given time, who has had a criminal record since the ripe old age of six and who took one look at lily and threw himself down at her feet. and the two of them are angry at the world and taking what they want from it without asking and overly obsessed with each other to the point that it’s uncomfortable to watch but reg can’t seem to look away

maybe this is just typical to me in all of barty's relationships bc in my mind (my mind which has been obsessing over barty/michelangelo parallels for the last month lol) he’s just brimming with undying devotion, he’s putting his entire self into a relationship in this almost masochistic, de-subjectivising translation of the self into the body of the object of his desire or whatever, and lily to me has that sort of intensity as well, kinda selfish in the sense that she's taking and taking and he's giving himself up entirely but it's okay bc she's doing the same for him so in the end they're balanced in that they've both entirely relinquished themselves to each other and merged into one ridiculously feverish entity, they're constantly together, they're a fucking tornado sweeping into regulus' life and uprooting everything that he had so carefully laid into place

and like, in the aftermath of this complete kinda excavation, they're lounging around and getting high together and reg’s having epiphanies like ‘is this relaxation?’ (picture that meme w the butterfly) and he's like. expressing his desires for the first time in his entire life, he doing things bc he wants to do them and not bc someone told him to or bc he thinks he should. and he's swept up in the tornado and just as obsessive and intense and devoted to the two of them as they are to him and he's flourishing like a pot plant being put in the sun and watered, his little sickly victorian child complexion actually gets some colour to it bc he's blushing all the time at the things they're saying to him

and anyway in conclusion, i think i can get behind any bartylily + someone else ship as long as everyone involved worships the ground that lily evans walks on and is also slightly scared of her. but also yes regubartylily has my stamp of approval, we do indeed think they could work out <333

#asks <3 #regubartylily #also sorry this took a while i was Thinking and also sorry this got. kinda long #literally ask me things at your own risk i’m liable to ramble #but also tysm for asking me i LOVE getting asks everyone please ask me all the questions ever <333 #have we settled on the name regubartylily btw?? bc i feel like maybe i prefer #bartylilylus

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axyer · 4 months

Text

TW: Suicide/S/H mentions, abuse mentions, but an overall silly post

Dude it is UNCANNY how similar I am to Heart

Like I see a lot of Heart kinnies who relate to him a lot and I just think "man, it must be nice to have a healthy amount of similarities to him, because I sure don't"

For reference:

Besides the like fifty minor things in my Carrd, my immediate family is composed only of my twin brother and my mother.

My twin brother is, as you might assume, very similar to Mid; we used to get along! Then we grew apart. And in hindsight, throughout my entire childhood him telling me everything I did was for attention didn't really benefit me when I was older.

He's a very logical, often to a fault person; has pretty bad anger issues too, and issues with authority. He's what one would call a "Reddit Atheist", and is a very blunt person who has little regard for anyone he hurts the feelings of when he confronts them.

My mother is a lot like me, but not really in any good way. She's overly emotional, has so many bad things happen to her constantly, is driven by spite, and of course, threatens suicide constantly. I kid you not, when I came to her about self-harming she threatened to kill herself because of it.

Even more notably, my mother highly favours my brother for being lower-maintenance and makes sure I am well-aware that my brother is better than me because he causes less problems and costs less money (although "apparently" she loves us equally).

Away from venty territory, probably another really uncanny similarity is that I am literally photophobic.

For those who don't know what that means, no, I'm not afraid of light, the light hurts my eyes.

In my case, it's more irritation than pain, but can become painful if it's not treated adequately. I'm always wearing sunglasses when I'm out of my very dim house as a result, and blink a lot throughout the day.

School days would consist of a lot of requests to turn off the lights as well as a lot of visits to the nurse to ask for sunglasses.

This has been happening since at the latest sixth grade. Nobody knows why I have this, it's just been deteriorating very, very slowly, and isn't fun alongside my traditional visual impairment.

And you know who else avoids the light and is visually damaged by it and also is just generally visually-impaired? Mmhm.

Basically all of my negative qualities directly can be found in Heart, too.

Extreme anger, extreme sadness, suicidal ideologies, violent fantasies, trauma from an inescapable bad situation, sensitivity, weakness, impulsivity, envy, hatefulness, cowardice, helplessness, these are all essentially my worst qualities and Heart's. And even more akin to Heart, I have the potential to be logical! But I'm not taken seriously and am dismissed as emotional.

Not to mention that I'm a very baby-faced and young-looking person who acts younger than they are.

HECK I LITERALLY LOOK REALLY SIMILARLY TO CHONNY AS WELL (this you'll have to take my word for as I'm not leaking a photo of myself)

There's more but those are all the ones I'm gonna say rn bc I am LAZYYYYYYYY!

But yeah, I'm Heart you guys Heart in real life.

#chonny jash #chonnys charming chaos compendium #heart chonny jash #cccc heart #cj heart #chonny jash kin #cccc kin #cj kin

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mitsies · 10 months

Note

Hi!! Hello—I hope you don’t think I’m stalkerish, but I’m the author of Intrinsic Warmth and I came across your tumblr and oh my gosh I just wanted to say thank you ??? This is insane

I am so incredibly honoured (???) that you think so highly of my silly little Gojo fanfiction. Like, genuinely. Its description in your rec list nearly made me cry—it is so flattering and so ridiculous to me that people actually enjoy my little side hobby (which is IW)?? I write it with nowhere near the dedication that some ao3 authors do—I’m a hobby busybody as well as a school neek, which is why updates take so long!!!—and so I literally do not expect people to stick around to follow it, like, at all. And the fact that people do?? And that they look forward to updates??! I feel like I’m repeating myself but I’m genuinely in shock.

I’m trying to think of coherent things to say but I am struggling so hard, oh my gosh. I genuinely cannot convey how baffling it is to see people talking about IW in a way not directed specifically at me, like comments, or something (which is another thing!! The fact that someone—like, *you*!!—has put my fic on a REC LIST?!?! INSANE!!! *I* use rec lists! All the time!! Wtf?!?! Being put on a rec list, that’s for real ao3 authors, and I’m just someone who writes on ao3, man! Insane. Truly insane). So you know, this has been sent to the girls’ groupchat because I needed someone to freak out about it to.

I don’t even know what to say. I saw a post you made about saving IW in case ao3 went down again?? Firstly, I can assure you that ao3 is in no danger and that it’s not going anywhere—but dude, if for whatever reason some random bloody nuclear disaster doomsday apocalypse happens and it does go down, I will literally send you the latest chapters direct >:) Do not fear. Truly the least I can do, my lord.

Jesus, I feel like I need to do something! Like, is there something you want from me?? LMAO. I feel like a poser. It’s like at the end of 2013 wattpad stories where the author would host a q&a with their characters / themself. Can I answer some cool elusive question over here on tumblr?? IDK. I have no idea but I just want to show my thanks for genuinely making my week, good lord.

I think I’ve conveyed how bloody insane this is for me. I’m truly so grateful. This is wild. You’re the best. Thank you so much.

oh my GOSH. i just want to start this off by saying .. this is so embarrassing for me. holy SHIT this is embarrassing — and insane, of course, and shocking, and so so many things but i am so sorry you had to watch me fangirl 25/8 over your work.

right now how i'm feeling could best be described as a cult leader (because i think i've started a small cult in your name.. sorry) whose like deity has come down in human form to speak to them for the first time. like this is so insane, i can't fully verbalise how crazy getting this ask is 😭 in case you havent picked up im a big fan!! i know i sound absolutely insane rn and i sincerely hope i don't sound as big of an idiot as i feel but i have quite literally sent voice notes upwards of 20 minutes to my friend about your work like i am SUCH a fan

i have received so many asks, messages, dms of people who have read IW at my recommendation and it is so fully deserved :,) you are such an insanely talented wordsmith and i don't think i've ever read a fic that conveys characters in such depth and with that level of emotional complexity. i admire you and your writing so insanely much, honestly in the least weird, least crazy, least stalker way possible you are such an inspiration to me in my own writing — you are so eloquent and verbose, in a way i aspire to be !! so you're not only a fantastic writer but you're a baseline, inspiration, & motivator, and i can't thank you enough for that

i genuinely believe that intrinsic warmth is one of the most amazing things i've read on ao3, and my fav fic work overall like ever forever and ever like honestly i could be dead in the ground 6ft under and halfway to hell and i'd still find time for my monthly reread 😭😭 it's absolutely insane that you say this makes your week because oh my gosh, i will be thinking about this for the rest of the month. might even add "thatdesklamp noticed xx" to my bio for good measure ! honest to god in my silly little head u are a celebrity and im like a crazy fangirl jumping at ur feet like a chihuahua or something .. would literally jump off a bridge if you asked me to !

with all that being said, i don't think i am graceful enough to convey the absolute adoration i hold for you and your writing. like wow. like holy shit like woooow wow. that's all i've got left in me — you are amazing, i hope you know that . welcome to tumblr, trust that this will likely not be the last u hear of my fangirling :,) SO MUCH LOVE!

#don't even worry because this ask went straight to my gc so i could rave abt you even more #you ARE a real ao3 author are u kidding and in my humble unbiased opinion u are one of the best #im still in shock and will take 3-7 days to come out of a catatonic state rn so excuse this half-hearted response u deserve the world #mitz asks #TLDR: im ur biggest fan.

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seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana · 23 days

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@megatraven (there’s some proofreading but forgive me if some stuff is off or doesn’t make sense exactly. It’s 3 AM rn and I really wanna post this lol)

EDIT: Also, I didn’t see that you answered my ask about Meg and Hercules, so I’m sorry that some info is off😭.

Hercules and MC Friendship AU part 1: Hercules’s Songs.

Okay my song breakdown is of 2 covers of a song called, “Love me, love me, love me,” and they’re English covers of a Japanese song. Here is the cover by LittleJayneyCakes and here’s the other by JubyPhonic, which I will be using the lyrics from. I’ll be switching back and forth (since some lyrics I like from one and then some I like from the other) to make them fit the theme, and I’ll make sure to say where they come from :).

Anyways, after looking at the comments, you learn that this isn’t a yandere song (tho it sounds a lot like it), and is instead about golden child syndrome. The syndrome where a child will do anything it takes to get love from their parent(s). It’s shown in the lyrics such as:

(JubyPhonic): “I’m doing so well have you heard? You see, you see, I’m such a good girl! Cute as a button you heard.”

But sometimes it edges into a dangerous line, where the person is getting hurt.

JubyPhonic: “You see, you see, so good this girl. In pain I scream you see?!”

And then I’ll switch the JayneyCakes’s lyrics at that some moment which is: “Hey, hey, lovely just like me. Aren’t I the cutest of all? Hey, hey, I’m good, aren’t I? If you say no I’ll cry!” The doubt and the NEED to KNOW if they’re doing good just hits and proves the point more.

And then Jubyphonic’s “Aishite” (which is the original Japanese line at this point) is instead, “Love me I say,” while JayneyCakes is “Love me I beg,” which I feel FITS SO GOOD.

Jubyphonic: “Love me I say, love me I say, love me I say, more and more! Love me I say, love me away! Until I’m not completely sane.” I used to hear this line as “Love me you say,” which is like the parent is telling the kid to love them, which I feel could also fit, but “love me I say,” is what she actually sings.

JayneyCakes: “Love me I beg! Love me I beg! Love me I beg! More and more! And love me I beg! Love me I BEG! Till we feel madness creeping in.” (Highly recommend listening so you can hear the pure emotion in her voice and how hard it hits)

Now, how does this fit with Hercules and MC? Well, I listen to this song and I hear Hercules so heavy in it. Like, you could say it fits Alex (since they do so much to please their mother and Olympus in general), but this song is to an even higher degree than what Alex does, just like Hercules is. I cannot remember too much about Hercules, but from what I remember the reason he’s taking the auras is because Zeus promised him he’d be able to become a full god (Top Tier I believe) if he collected a certain amount of Aura’s.

I see him going above and beyond because he even stole Meg’s who, I believe, was Hercules’s love at the time. He’s stealing auras and doing whatever it takes to please his father and other Olympians, and he’s definitely been doing this for years and years. Probably since he was born. We see how demigods are treated on Olympus, such as Zeus calling Deukalion’s human side a “weakness”, and we definitely know that belief plays a part in Hercules’ life and how he acts. I’m so certain he’s been told his human side is a weakness ALL his life, definitely in the old days. And I feel like a part of him hates him, which I imagine from these lyrics following the previous:

LittleJayneyCakes: “Its agony, it’s agony, this curse I bear. Undo it, undo it, hey!” But he’s gotten so used to it that he can’t be stopped. “It can’t be stopped now, no, AAAAH!!”

And Hercules has gotten so used to it that he doesn’t think twice about stealing the auras. Just like the lyrics from LittleJayneyCakes. He changes over time, growing older with each century and Millenia.

LittleJayneyCakes: “Time goes on, time goes on, changes come to your frame, but the collar stays the same.” He’s so used to it. “It’s agonizing now, but this is nothing new. People just, people just, they’re not enough!”

The “collar” its mentioning is metaphorical that is sung about in the beginning, only mentioned about finding a collar and tying it around their neck and it becoming tighter and “blinding” their vision (in both versions with diff lyrics). I didn’t mention it because I wanted to jump right into it, but the collar is metaphorical. To me, the collar symbolizes the control the parent has and how it’s grown tighter.

Zeus’s control on Hercules, and even other divine beings, has changed over time and definitely become harsher.

JubyPhonics (the same time where JayneyCakes was at): “Grow as you may like a sweet summers day, but this collar will stay just the same. I’m hurting and bleed, I need more to feed. Get people, more people the choker would scream!”

This is where I was secondly hit the most with Hercules thoughts, with both lyrics but here’s both that follow immediately after the previous (with JayneyCakes REALLY hitting the Hercules feeling):

JubyPhonic: “I am the best in my class they attest, I’m a girl far above all the rest. From better than Rose, to better than all you. People, oh people, look only at me!”

JayneyCakes: “I vow to not lose to anyone in my class, aren’t I such a lovely child? (Hey). From more than that child! To more than that child! Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round, marvel at me!”

He’s doing all this to get everyone to look at him and give him validation. To give him love and for him to PROVE himself through anything. No matter what it takes. Even if it means he loses things he cares for. I can’t remember too much about our guy Hercules (since I can’t bring myself to watch Hydra’s route all over again rn tho I love him) but I can bet he’s lost a lot in his life too, since he’s followed everyone rules and guidance, even when it is bad. These lyrics both hit me, so I can’t really choose. They’re both just SO great, at least in these lines:

Jubyphonic: “Meeting alone in the yard, from me to you confessing my heart. Was it a lie from the start? To say I love you from afar, as filthy a creature you are!”

JayneyCakes: “Behind the gymnasium, when I told you that I was in love. Wasn’t that kind of a lie? I love you so, so very much, even though I think that you’re TRASH!

This feels like the Olympians (especially Zeus) giving him attention and validation, but still letting him know his human side is a weakness. They love him, but see him as weak (filthy creature) and not worth it (trash).

And then the golden child syndrome shows heavily here. Especially in Juby’s side. He’s willing to do whatever it takes and it’s plainly stated.

Jubyphonic: “Love me I say, love me I say, love me I say, take what you want of me. Taking from me, taking from me! All that I have and all that I keep!” And then Olympus’s POV: “Screaming for more. You’re not enough! Screaming for more. I couldn’t give you up, Ah!”

And then a big part that I can’t really decide who it’s coming from, since I see these songs as a conversation almost. Is this Olympus apologizing to him? Or Hercules apologizing to who he’s hurt? And may hurt in the future?

Jubyphonic: “I am just so sorry!” And then it goes into the “Love me I say,” and such, BUT adds the part, “Love me away, until I’m not completely sane! Torturing me, strangling me, torturing me. More and more, more and more, ahh!!” I see this as the collar continuing to tighten and tighten, until:

“Aren’t I so happy today?”

BUT JayneyCakes side hurts too (this is the part where Juby is all “taking from me”): “Love me I beg, love me I beg, love me I beg, I’ll give you everything. But in return, but in return! I’ll make you share this hatred I bear. It’s not enough, YOU’RE not enough, just not enough! But I won’t let you go, ahhh!!! I’m sorry about this!” And then travels back into the “love me I beg” from the beginning, but instead of Juby’s final lyrics they say:

“Love me I beg! Till we feel madness creeping in. It’s agony- I won’t let go- it’s agony. Strangle me, strangle me, hey!!” And then the part that feels so Hercules to me, something I bet he wonders:

“Isn’t this happiness?”

And then she screams. She screams!!! JUST AH!! It hits so good. These lyrics feel like such a Hercules song because I believe he’s doing so much of his fathers bidding bc he wants to become a top tier god. The people who are seen as ‘important’ in Olympus and who have respect from everyone! They’re true gods, no matter what, and that’s how he can become worth it. It’s how he can be seen as ‘perfect’ in his eyes. He wants to see the validation and live, no matter the cost.

Even if it hurts him, terribly so, or others around him. He’ll give whatever it takes, even parts of himself, to Olympus to be seen as worth it. And he’s lived so long that the question, “Isn’t this happiness?” Feels like a genuine question he might ask. He’s lived like this for so long….does he even know any other way? Any other way to live? Or is this it? Taking from others to gain approval, is it the only thing he knows?

That’s my first part of this AU I have involving MC and Hercules friendship. I wanted to break down these 2 covers because these lyrics always hit me as Hercules, AND MC AS WELL!! I’ll explain the MC part later (so this might be a 3 part…..I’m not sure yet) and then how I see their friendship forming and the point of these posts.

I love you Meg!! And I hope I didn’t come off as too sympathetic to Hercules. He’s done some fucked up shit, but a part of me sees a little deeper into it, just like we do with Zeus and Eros and any other insufferable God lol. I hope you enjoy the breakdowns and I highly recommend listening to both! They’re so good and it’s the only way to really hear the emotion and see what I mean! Especially LittleJayneyCakes (she puts her whole life into this cover). If you do, I’d love to hear your thoughts, but if not then that’s okay!!

But I would love to hear your thoughts or rambles or screams (or even disagreements if you have some) about the breakdown and the beginning of my Hercules and MC friendship posts!! Love you💙💙.

#my writing #Astoria fates kiss #Astoria fates kiss Hercules #idk what else to tag this as since it isn’t a ship pairing just a friendship #so I’ll tag nothing lol

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