#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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...
#ever sit like a corpse in your own body?#im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we#deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to#give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway.#who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in#the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when#projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing#dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will#ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do#something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r#stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even#then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a#broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what?#lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything#done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i#think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with#thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno#whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is#hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse#but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday#unrelated
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I honestly hate how the fandom treats Michael as a hero and I'm seeing posts about it so I feel a liiiittle better talkign about it
my moots are holding back, i can tell. but hes my favorite so im not. and im a little pissed writing this bc. bc i relate to cc a lot. and seeing ppl mischaracterize not only my favorite character but also someone who reminds me of people who fucking suck drives me INSANE.
so psa, im pissed as fuck and i love michael afton.
First off, he killed Evan. That's obvious. Not only was that literall 100% his fault (NOT WILLIAMS IT PISSES ME OFF WHEN PPL MAKE THAT ALL ABOUT WILLIAM SHUT THE FUVCK UP
he was a bully. yeah he was a kid. yeah he was messing with him. Have you considered he was literally. abusive to his brother. i know the fnaf fandom is scared of using that word to describe him but its fucking true. he was abusive. as fuck. that was awful what he did he wasnt just a bully he harassed him and literally locked him in his room. he was fucking horrible.
and yeah, he didnt mean for that to happen, but not only was that stupid as fuck, i hate any interpritation of "he wanted to be like his dad" "his friends coerced him" PLAY FNAF 4. PLAY FNAF 4. FUCKING PLAY FNAF 4 LOOK AT HIS DIALOGUE AND WHAT HE DOES
HE LITERALLY. EGGED IT ON. IT WAS HIS FUCKING IDEA. WHAT PART OF THAT GAVE "he was coerced" THUSHFUDFUDSIOFDUSOFDSIOS
im trying to be normal
Yeah he probably felt like shit after. yeah it probably was some sort of motivator behind his actions. but lets think. lets think.
fnaf 1 and 2 take place before SL, no? So. if thats true. why didnt he burn those down? to "free the souls?" because it was never about the children.
he burned down the fnaf 3 location to get rid of william. it was ALWAYS abotu william. sure he set the kids free but i reeeeaaallyy dont think that was his intention. it was always about william.
in sister location, did he go there out of the kindness of his heart? no he went there because william asked him too. it was ALWAYS about william. and yeah he probably wanted to help liz, he probably really wanted to help her, but based on his actions, was this really for her? or was it for closure
thats something about michael that i put in shitty brother. closure. he didnt actually want to reconcile with his family, he wanted closure on the guilt he felt. is that 100% wrong? no. its normal to want closure, especially after something like that. but also that should not be his goal
did he apologize? yes. he said sorry. he felt bad, sure. but when you kill someone tehy dont come back. evan deserves to never forgive him ever because that was dumb as fuck and HORRIBLE. IT WAS HORRIBLE. ABUSIVE. ILL SAY IT AGAIN
MICHAEL AFTON ABUSED HIS LITTLE BROTHER FOR NO FUCKING REASON.
yeah. abused. say it with me. A-B-U-S-E-D
not just bullied, not just harassed, ABUSED.
ik we're all scared to say it here but its fucking true. say it with ur chest.
this always came back to william. do i thinkk michael is unfeeling and doesnt care about his siblings at all? NO! I think his siblings drove a lot of his actions. but in the end i dont think he always acted with their best interest at heart. or the mci kids'
and the whole "he wanted to be like his dad" i dont fucking care actually. no seriously sit down beside me and tell me that wanting to be like his dad is an excuse for abusing his brother. seriously come closer i wont bite.
tell me how you think that AS A TEENAGER, 100% AWARE OF HIS ACTIONS, that wanting to be like his dad justifies abusing his little brother. his little brother. who as far as we know, never lashed out, never fought back, never did anything to him. tell me how he fucking deserved that
"Michael was just a kid!" so was Evan. So was Elizabeth. So was Cassidy and Charlie and all the kids who died.
tell me how much michael did that didnt revolve around closure and his father. like i get it, he had priorities, but can we please stop acting like he's some angel working for the greater good of everyone.
it feelslike how ppl treat fucking henry. NO HES NOT A GOOD PERSON PLEASE
MICHAEL IS SELFISH HE'S MESSY HE'S STUPID. HE MAKES BAD CHOICES IN FAVOR OF HIMSELF HE PRIORITIZES REVENGE OVER THE GREATER GOOD HE HURTS PEOPLE AND IT MAKES HIM SO MUHC MORE INTERESTING
oh and also in case anybody wants to pull dittophobia out and tell me how mike went thru that trauma
so did evan. and instead of bonding over that trauma, michael harassed him. ABUSED HIM. wording is important. im sorry for repeating myself so much, but nobody ever tells it how it is. it was abuse.
edit: People seem upset by my wording and honestly? fair. i couldve worded this a lot better but i was tired and irritated and one thing i will clarify
i dont care if u dont see adult michael the way i do. i see him as a selfish obsessive guy whos intent is to fix his family, but plenty of people see it differently and thats okay! /gen
but im not taking back anythign i said about teen michael. because i think to do that is unfair to his character and frankly bullshit. i think its bullshit. and i dont care if you disagree. he was a terrible brother and thats that
but adult mike is free real estate idk idrc abt him as much as teen mike.
#tzu rambles#fnaf#michael afton#fnaf 4#not tagging discourse bc i dont think this is discourse lol. just my thoughts
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dancer anon here
reason for wanting to stay connected to being a girl: i feel good when i present feminine sometimes, I don't know why, while i dont feel like a girl or connected to that at all, i enjoy feeling pretty, and that kinda fuels the "cant not be partially a girl" because i like my feminine attributes (such as my breasts and eyelashes (i really like my eyelashes, they make me feel pretty)) but i tend to like my feminine attributes more when im alone and only /i/ can see myself and think "damn. im pretty today."
ballroom q: i tend to do more follower than leader now but i get to dance with my favorite dance teacher someitmes and shes really nice :D my favorite dance is paso doble (i do more latin ballroom than standard lol, but i do enjoy waltz the most out of standard dances lol (its the first dance i did with leader steps :DD)
correct pronouns: ik that its not really making a big deal to ask, but since im not out to many poeple outside of my friend group. i also dont want to correct my friends because im afraid it will reach someone outside of the group and theyre going to question it because in my school the majority of the students aren't really,,,, allies ig
neopronouns: have considered, didnt fit, so they/them is my go to because it is the one i feel the most comfortable with
confronting my friend: i do sometimes feel like confronting them about it, but its kinda scary because i hate confrontation because of the toxic friend i mentioned, so i dont think im gonna do anything about it (for now maybe?)
trauma: i am 97% sure i dont have any trauma relating to masculine people? however, my memory /is/ actually trash, so i could have just forgotten. the most likely thing that caused the fear would probably be the dance teacher with cold hands, because i hated his classes because they made me feel like dance is an obligation and i have to do everything /correctly/ even though i signed up because i enjoy dance. i also had to dance with him and his hands were cold and i dont like physical touch if im not initiating it (which is kinda why i dont dance with anyone anymore - a combination of physical touch, sweaty hands, and the close proximity. im even scared to dance with the little children i sometimes help dance with, because i dont know if they feel comfortable with physical touch which makes me feel icky)
also its not really something happened to me, its fear of something that /could/ happen (SA, etc)
also i still see that dance teacher around at the studio sometimes. he still scares me, but less? and when i talk to him sometimes, my brain tries to tell me im overexaggerating how much i dislike him, which i may be doing, but he /did/ ruin one of my favorite dances for me, so...
agender label: i do feel comfortable with the agender label, i believe, but ive never really met anyone else using it so i think i ust want to know ppl who also use it
you are also a wonderful human!!!
on another note, i am genuinely in tears thank you, you are so kind <3
Hello again!
So, there's four things I wanna address here:
With the pronouns/friends: Yes, it sounds like it might be a good idea to think more about the pros/cons of this. I still completely think that you deserve the respect of being gendered correctly, but if it's not safe for you to be pushing this,(secrets being shared, an unsupportive space, etc) then it might be a good idea to step back until it is safe to bring it up again. Remember though that you deserve to be supported and loved unconditionally and using your correct pronouns is something that should not be a burden to anyone.
Being agender: Have you considered finding people on here who identify similarly? It could be cool and validating to find a community of people who feel the same way. I know for me it was super exciting to find other nonbinary/genderfluid people.
Being touched: Okay, that makes sense. I definitely get not liking to be touched by people, especially people who give weird sensory input.
Ballroom: Oh, damn Paso Doble? I only know the very basics but it's SO different and cool! Respect <3
Lots of love!
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SUMMIT PT 2 LIVE REACTION
wdym u can explain eventually
TELL HIM VINCE- i-
WILLIAM ORDERED U but like why tho
ok porter i love u MWAH
SOLAIRES STAND AS ONE NATION UNDER GOD INDIVISIBLE whatever whatever
ALEXIS GET UR SHIT TOGETHER
period alexis
i would love a game of clue rn
shes not wrong abt the wrinkles
LEX??? WTF AYE Lex VINCENT WTF DO U MEAN LEX
sweethearts safe and sound BLESS 😭
GIRL ATP I NEED U TO SPEAK IM TO ANXIOUS FOR SILENCE
milo bby its ok OUR POOKIE IS OK
asher smooch MWAH ily be safe
yea davey king dead happened while u were in negotiations
PUSH THEM AWAY???
DAYYYUMM ofc they didnt get to see who did the murder DAAAMMNIT
idky but evacuate the dance floor is playing in my head
(EVACUATE THE DANCE FLOOR DOO DOO DOO DOO IM ADDICTED TO THE SOUND) ((i forgot the lyrics))
aww another trusting moment between the men
PORTER CMERE BABES
yeah tell him asher
GET HIS ASS
PORTERR ill-
GET HIM ASHEERRRR
im crying i have tears in me eyeballs yall i cant
SPEAK SIR
ok thats true but like why did u send SH in there right before u knew he was gonna die????
DID I HEAR HEARSAY
true i cant handle a war rn and lovely shouldnt be spending their first year fighting on behalf of a clan they just became a part of
porter if ur not spinning then why do u look like a ballerina rn?? hmm?? EXPLAIN
YEA BUT THE NUDGE WAS DONE KNOWING SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN A LITTLE HEADS UP WOULDVE BEEN FUCKING NICE
lets go crazy crazy crazy till we see the sun
the department is right there.. in sweetheart form
BLOOD FIRST??? oh yeah vampire clan rules blah blah i remember this being mentioned during quinns little moment
WHO TF IS SPEAKING?? alexis? GIRL THATS NOT U SPEAK LIKE NORMAL
OH THE MONARCH IS SPEAKING i was lost
baas? bahs? someone spell this for me i wanna kiss her SORRY yall
BOYS JUST KEEP UR WOLFY HANDS DOWN
. . . yeah shes not wrong solaire and friends should probably sit out
MILO ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS
as if you care princely pop..
OH- TELL HIM ALEXIS clock him
oooooh???
alexa play ash by seventeen
well william aint here rn hes got other rich people duties
i hope SH is like stupidly staring at alexis the way i would be
so ur saying u left him alone before he died
HE DIDNT SAY? mf u were pestering abt funding just say he was annoyed w u
LEAVE WILLIAM ALONE HES BUSY (this is my sticking up for my 500 something yr old bby daddy)
well thats just hearsay princely poo
oh- AYE ADAM DESERVED IT CUNT!! (no he didnt i love him but yes he did)
YEAAAA TELL HIM
thank u porter poo
yea … christopher
they were fighting vincent for the most part so alibi CHECK
sorry monarch we didnt mean to kil- i mean let the king die without notice.. ill let u know next time
THEY FOUND SOMETHING YAALL
MORE TO THE STORY??? omg OH SHIT demon blood on a letter opener is crazy
so someone stabbed my other future husband with a letter opener
SHE CALLED ASHER PUP i love the monarch
OK MONARCH I WAS JUST COMPLIMENTING U GOD DAMN IT BE NICE
ok maybe david was a little silly asking that question but u cant expect him to know everything
so basically what im hearing is a demon was involved only ppl who closely align with empowered and demons would the house of bennett and their relationship with closeknit
CHRISTOPHER U LYING SACK OF SHIT WE CAUGHT U
ONE OF U OLD BAGS CALL ANOTHER SHAW PACK BOYS A DOG AND YOULL BE ON THE NEXT BEHEADING LIST
exactly someone got caught lacking after killing the king and didnt think to fuckin check themselves before letting the king be found
period porter.
i would retype all of this but shes just speaking fact so i dont need to take note of any of it
YOU GAVE HER THE POWER TO DO SO DUMBASS
ANOTHER DEATH??? damn both kings dead during the summit is wild
yeah milo my mind is kinda blown
NO MORE MONEY FOR CLOSEKNIT WOOT WOOT NO MORE MONEY CLOSEKNIT WOOT WOOT
vincent im too mentally unstable for an “are you alright lovely”
I REMEMBER IT BEING SPELLED BAAS so monarch baas is very right
NO HES JUST A BBYGIRL HE DONT KNOW NOTHIN
help “with any luck it wont be the last” shes so real for that
YES MAAM THIS WILL BE REPEATED TO KNOW ONE LOVE U HAVE A WONDERFUL REST OF UR SUMMIT *bow bow*
vincent listen i love u but like shes right we just have to keep it pushing
PORTER VINCENT TALK TIME lets gooo
IM EXCITED FOR PT 3
#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#i cant wrap my tiny little brain around all the information i just processed#redacted alexis#redacted lovely#redacted audio#redacted summit#redacted sweetheart#redacted vincent#redactedverse#redacted asmr#redacted porter#redacted angel#redacted asher#redacted darlin
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pls forgive me for ranting on your tl but i’m wondering if anyone on here could help me place a few f1 dots together bc i truly am so new to the community that im not sure if i have some missing pieces or something:
i’m actually so devastated for carlos?? idk it feels like a lot of ppl don’t like him (there could be very valid reasons but im absolutely clueless as of rn bc i haven’t seen anything) but like? he gave so much to ferrari and they don’t give a fuck? but at the same time i’m not mad at lewis either bc i feel like something truly truly soul-crushing had to happen for him to want to leave merc.
i also always felt like that moment where charles & lewis posted that pic where they both got disqualified was a pre-curser to something bigger. although it’ll be a weird fight for 1st driver between LH44 & CL16, i think there’s so much mutual respect between the both of them that they will find a way to work. lewis seems like a driver who could POSSIBLY acknowledge that it’s time for new drivers to get more spotlight, and maybe make some more way for charles to shine (and i think fred also wouldn’t have signed LH w/o keeping this in mind
i hope carlos still has a seat in 2025, i think he has a lot to offer still, and i can’t bare to not see/think ab carlando on the grid every race
crying screaming at the fact that i got some very rare ferrari cs55 merch it literally feels like a vintage item now jesus christ
i have more thoughts but let me shut the fuck up for now 😭
— ❄️❄️
hmmm i mean me personally i dont hate or love carlos, he's just there most of the time LMFAO but i feel SO FUCKING BAD like esp his story on insta while ferrari didnt even talk about him?????? sobbing.
okay now THATS where i disagree HAHAHAHA🙈 lewis wants nothing more than his eighth, and rightfully so. charles wants nothing more than to a be a world champion at ferrari, and again, rightfully so. But at the end of the day, only ONE of them will be able to win races. its a selfish sport yk, and you cant really blame them for that. Just look at nico and lewis, both extremely talented drivers who had a lot of respect & love between them and still, the pressure of racing got to them.
im not saying that charles and lewis will end up like brocedes, but i also dont think that they can manage both being no.1 drivers. And, i also dont think that either one of them would settle for being no.2.
i dont think they'll bring in someone new to the sport so im pretty sure carlos will stay on the grid. Honestly, the best case scenerio: lewis to ferrari, the open merc seat goes to fernando, the open aston seat goes to yuki, and then the open alpha tauri (i am choosing not to believe its rebrand is real) seat can go to liam lawson, cus tbh he deserves it way more than 1/2 the drivers on the grid. ALSO i think the best decision redbull could make, now, is kicking checo tf out and replacing him with sainz. I js think sainz would be a PERFECT teammate to max and a good no.2 driver, and then he'll probably go to audi in 2026
THE MERCH😭😭😭 dont ever call that vintage again i will cry. i keep seeing sad charlos edits on my fyp and it makes me wanna puke
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Kazutora headcannons where Kazutora and yn are buddies at school, not knowing the other is a delinquent...
warnings: violence, cuss words
Yn, that one person at school Kazutora talked to normally
it wasnt bc he was accepted for being a delinquent but bc you didn't know that the sweet guy who accompanied you during lunch was a delinquent
he has always been in this school but didnt attend it bc he was in juvie? nonsense, how can someone so nice have gone to juvie?
besides, you were too busy keeping up your own innocent act
not long ago, you ended in a fight with some "Valhalla" members. they claimed to be a new gang who'd rise to the top but they were in your alley, so things didn't end well
they were weak but they still managed to get a good hit in
so here you were, trying to hide the black skin near your elbow as you discussed your plans with Kazutora
"Tora, I'm sorry but I'll be a bit busy today so I can't hang out."
"Oh that's alright. By the way, did something happen to your elbow? You keep pulling your sleeves down..."
"Ah it's nothing hehe."
Kazutora noticed the mark and came to 2 conclusions- either you were clumsy and got hurt or someone hurt you willingly
bc there was no way you would get into a fight, you were just so nice and actually attended school
sure you didnt have too many friends but it's bc you dont like hanging out with ppl right? he never asked why tho cuz he didn't want to intrude
okay maybe you were busy almost everyday but you were probably trying to study, after all, you help him when he misses school sometimes
however, after 3 months of knowing each other, he knew he should tell you
he couldn't hide it forever, not when some ppl looked at him so weirdly
if he hid it, someone might tell you a weird rumour about him
and he definitely didn't want you to find out from someone else that he has killed someone...
"Yn, come with me after school today. I have something to tell you"
"But Tora-"
"You are not busy today. This is more important."
"I- Okay I suppose."
well that went your plan to teach those Valhalla jerks a lesson they'd remember, after all, they came to trouble you and your mates for the 6th time yesterday
You let Kazutora lead you to where he wanted to go. His earrings jingled louder than ever in these suspiciously quiet streets. The atmosphere was heavier as none of you spoke. Whatever he wants to tell you must be serious.
Eventually, you came across an abandoned arcade. The image of a headless angel added to the sinister atmosphere.
"Yn, the thing I want to tell you might come as a shock but I think you deserve to know. I'd also prefer to tell you myself why I'm not particularly liked at school, and I want to tell you myself that I am actually a-"
A familiar laugh made its way to your ears. You quickly turned around to see 2 guys approaching the arcade. The big guy was laughing loudly, a cigar in between his fingers as the silver haired guy was smirking menacingly.
Without a thought, you took off, leaving Kazutora in the middle of his sentence. In the blink of an eye, the silver head was pushed back, his hand reflexively came up to his cheeks where you just punched him.
"Looks like my prey came right to me. I was just thinking about teaching you both a lesson."
"YN-" Kazutora knew who they were, they were from Valhalla, his gang members. And you just went and punched one of them. This wouldn't end well...
"Well well, if it isn't the little "this is our area" bitch. You have some nerve coming to our area at this time."
"Let's teach 'em a lesson that they wont forget shall we?"
You tightened your wrists, ready to fight. Kazutora just stood there, astound. You knew them, and they knew you. And none of you were on good terms. But he had to come out of his shock. You were his closest friend and he won't let anyone hurt you, not even his own boss if he asked to.
"Hanemiya you are part of Valhalla! Why pick the brat's side?!"
"Get back inside, I'll be there soon and make sure Hanma takes cares of you." Tora said after he helped you fight the guys.
you both fought alongside like it was expected and didn't let the other two guys know you had no idea the other could fight
but as soon as they went inside the arcade
oh brother, the amount of confusion
"You are part of Valhalla?!"
"You are a delinquent???"
pls just talk this out together without freaking out or Kazutora will freak out even more
but at the end, he'll make sure those two guys never hurt you again
might end up asking you to join Valhalla under his division :)
#tokyo rev x reader#tokyo rev headcanons#kazutora scenarios#kazutora headcanons#kazutora x reader#tr kazutora#tokyo revengers#kazutora hanemiya#kazutora hcs#kazutora imagines#kazutora fluff
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Wah ty... Joey pulling out the lanterns during his fight with Shadow Girl this episode was such a rough moment... As much as she probably shouldn't have helped Scott and Sausage grief his area, him pulling out the lanterns she had just returned to him in order to chase her off was extremely cruel considering that he was there for the task force. I think a lot of disabled and mentally ill folks empathize with the fear that they'll screw up and suddenly those close to them will turn the things they can't help against them and seeing Joey weaponize her sensitivity to light because he was upset with her was! Bad! I think there is a lot of tragedy in their friendship that was beyond their control with Joey going from Shulk to the Fairy Prince, but it doesn't lessen how horrible it must have been for Shadow Girl to see the one person she trusted suddenly start to demand she change and wield her struggles against her. As much as I hope she has a happier life as her new origin, I also hope she's not over the ways that everyone, from Scott and Sausage, to the Task Force, to Joey, wronged her as Shadow Girl. She deserves to demand that they make it right and she deserves to find a group of folks that will care for her unconditionally, even when her needs don't align with theirs. I'm... honestly not thrilled about the idea of her only getting to find happiness after death and rebirth without being a Shadow Crawler anymore bc I've seen that story before and it is often very ableist, but with the nature of the server and with hopes for cc!shubble's writing, I am cautiously hoping that the respawn won't be the end of things... All this to say i hope Shelby is still angry and doesn't forget and maybe next time someone gets the shadow crawler origin, she'll be able to make sure they don't have to feel as miserable as she did. She literally deserves the entire world and also has a right to kill whoever she wants
This also isn't meant to be like. anti-Joey as either a content creator or a character, I think he is fantastic both in and out of character!!! It's just my thoughts on the story as a whole and that particular moment
yeah! well, ok i have thoughts:
- i said the whole ‘shubble stumbling onto a mental illness/disability vibe’ as a very LOOSE thing. i mean, its definitely something ppl can relate to and vibe with as a feeling but we should also probably step back and realize that its. Not the purpose of the story cc!shubble is telling. like thats a cool connection to make, but cc!shubble Not living up to that expectation isn’t bad or ‘feeding’ into abelist narratives. At that point, you’d be putting the expectation that because WE see a story this way, that the creator needs to adjust their narrative thusly.
which, yeah, isnt great. she didnt make it as a neurodivergent/mi/disability story, she stumbled onto the right path by accident. its minecraft roleplay and it makes sense that she’s vibin with that story and can take it wherever she’d like. Your frustrations with an abelist narrative stem from people who KNOWINGLY make mentally ill/disabled characters and then kill them off/cure them/etc and spread the idea that ppl cant live happily with themselves. Which is definitely an issue- however. you’re uh. not gonna find the answer for it in a mcrp.
thats not to say i dont sympathize! id also love for like. single crumb of good representation in media and also. yeah i think it was intentional for the other characters to treat her Badly to set her up for a sort of comeback so— we’re all definitely empathizing with her as a character. who knows where the story is gonna go tho, im kinda hoping for an unholy trio reunion tbh.
tl;dr— c!Shubble has a relatable narrative and connections, however she (cc!shubble) IS NOT making a story with the intention to represent these themes and expecting her to withhold to standards that dont Apply here will only lead to disappointment.
anyway yes uh. got off track there but. Yeah! these past few episodes have been Brutal w the betrayals and shit. totally get why c!joey was pissed hoWEVER…. i would kill for shadow girl…. beloved…
and Wow these past few episodes have been heartwrenching. definitely FELT that as someone whos Needed accommodations in the past only to be made fun of for needing them— oof.
#tw abelism discussion#alsmp spoilers#spoilers#sorry i focused a little heavy on like. meta stuff there#but i feel resposnible for bringing up the connection to tumblr so#i feel like if it got out of hand; itd be my fault#i just want it to be clear that whatever cc!shubble does has no bearing on like. abelism as a whole#bc shes not making a disability narrative— im warping her narrative through projection#so its unfair if anyones gonna b like. ‘this is abelist writing!’ when shes not even doing that in the first place#not that Thats what youre saying anon but i am. anxious and i tend to ramble#i do agree tho! i really do hope shadow girl gets some form of like. self acceptance in her next origin#not conforming or changing to another sunshine girl but that shes. like good as she is. she doesnt need to change#but! worse comes to worse i can bother gulfie into writing a happy ending :)))#asks#long post
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how about ranking bucciarati's team?
regret to inform you that ur gonna get a very long answer bc i have passionate feelings about them all! also trish is in this bc she is part of the team and no one will tell me otherwise and will also include some rambling bc it is me and i have so many feelings towards these characters and none of them r cohesive
under the cut just in case (post writing yes it was long)
Giorno Giovanna:
way way more complex than ppl normally give him credit for (i will not go into feelings on how a majority of the fandom treats him unless ppl want me to then i will in fact make a very long ranty post and will not be stopped)
mildly op (esp at the beginning with how hes kind of able to just use his stand really well w no problems altho i think thats true of most of the jojos that we have seen animated?)
i am emotionally attached to him and want to give him a big hug
hes just a kinda goofy kid and is maybe a bit not good with figuring out hey this is a semi dangerous situation maybe i shouldnt be taunting him (leaky eye luca for example)
has the actual best theme
i love how he works off the rest of the team so well (even w members who do not like him)
is in my top 3 jojos i love this kid sm i would adopt him if he was real
7/10
Bruno Bucciarati:
the fucking way his character develops from licky man to best dad material is my favorite thing
his outfit is so so so good i would die to wear it
in general this man is one of my fave jojos characters and i get a lot of comfort from him
hes just really neat and has a good taste in music
he did his fucking best and i will always love him for that
imo the way that his death was drawn out was genuinely one of the most heartbreaking deaths in the entire series and fucks me up each time i think of it
i feel like he really is the one to hold the team together in a way that everyone feels cared for and saved
def has a savior complex tho for sure
dilf but im ace
also manga superiority bc he either makes the stupidest faces or looks very nice (anime has a lot of weird animation in regards to his face) and also because its lingerie there instead of a tattoo that changes thickness and placement every second
10/10
Leone Abbacchio:
guilty pleasure liking man
i am obsessed with his vibes and wish to become him
i cannot physically express just how much i love him but hes one of my faves of all time (not obvious by my theme at all wdym)
i miss his manga palette but also the colored manga isnt my beloved but also black lipstick abba
hot take maybe but anime abba looks better than manga minus the lipstick debacle
hes so so tall and i will steal his height in a nice way
his past man his past it fucks me up
his death fucks me up normally but when i was rewatching recently, i saw he gave this tiny lil smile after helping the kids get their ball and i could not take it anymore
him and brunos relationship (canonically and out of canon too) is one of my favorites in the series
also fandom hot take as i guess i am doing those for everyone- but ppl either have him as cosntantly trying to murder giorno or being like good son and v out of character, and it is really weird? not sayign that ill do better when i write them but also like im convinced some ppl havent seen the show or smth
i will steal both him and bruno and marry them both <3
this man is beloved i love him to death
10/10
Pannacotta Fugo:
i cannot spell his first name to save my life
also fandom take- ppl make him constantly only angry boy all the time and it really irks me. ik araki did not give him 2 much to work w in terms of canon personality but its frustrating
the light novel purple haze feedback is so so so good and adds sm to his character and i really like it for that!
fugo is one of those that imo deserves a lot and didnt get that
genuinely the vibes between how he treats narancia is v interesting to me, like its clear he cares about nara but nara not doing great w math really frustrates him
i love their interactions and how he is genuinely a kind person at times
the manga colors r superior here, my strawberry boy <3
i just really love and appreciate him a lot and wish that ppl gave him more love
i keep getting assigned him on kin quizzes
very smart good boy
ALSO ok fugo did not do any wrong by leaving
unsure if thats a hot take but i genuinely dont blame the character one bit for leaving and again purple haze feedback really delves into that and why he did it
if ur a fugo fan go read it
his past is really upsetting esp in the anime i will cry over it
his stand is adorable and i wanna hug it
his vibes r fun and i wanna gift him strawberry dangly earrings
8/10
Narancia Ghirga:
this boy i am also adopting (i am adopting most of them sorry)
i really hate how ppl act as if hes stupid bc bad math skills do not equal stupid like did ppl not see the fight w formaggio??
the way he just fucking dove into the water after the boat and how brunos face went all soft and happy it will never not make me cry
he is constnatnly making me wanna cry if i think too much about him for 2 seconds i love him sm
how can anyone not adore him when he set an entire street on fire yk
hes just happy despite his past and it makes me sad i love nara sm
torture dance is one of my favorite memes from the show
ALSO ok the way he died so suddenly absolutely broke me bc the remaining team members r really just seeing everyone die in front of them so quickly
his goofy and laid back moments r my fave
i love just how loyal and caring he is to his friends
his stand is really cool and again the fight w formaggio was so fun to watch
8/10
Guido Mista:
probably my least favorite member of the team for a semi good reason:
the jokes towards trish are really really uncomfy and how fugo doesnt wanna be involved but he is pushing him to do something that makes him uncomfortable did not make me like him a lot
hes goofy but not goofy enough for me to be ok with the repeated jokes about that esp in the body swap episode (ik it was supposed to be funny but it just felt off)
his vibes r good but i wish we got to see his hair
the fandom interpretation is normally pretty good of him overall?
despite not loving him a lot, i really enjoying writing for him (one day might open up headcanon requests or smth but unsure)
hes someone id wanna watch movies w but his taste in movies and mine r very different
love how he and his stand get along
honestly has very very good comedic potential
i really like how he and giorno interact as the series goes on (in a platonic way i need to clarify that i love their friendship)
again him in purple haze feedback was really interesting
probably a 5/10?
Trish Una:
beloved and deserved better
her first outfit in the manga > outfit in the anime
actually in general i believe in manga trish superiority like her hair in the manga looks so cool
her stand her stand her stand i love sm
if u dont include trish in the group i am murdering u <3
HER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!! IS SO GOOD!!!!!!
fandom gripe is how people either pretend she does not exist or has the trish first introduction thing where shes using her defense mechanisms and acting a bit spoiled
OK but her in purple haze feedback!!! mild spoilers but how bruno was taking care of her post the ending of vento aureo makes me so happy each time i think of it
very mad that she canonically didnt really get an ending and yet again PHF my beloved actually gave her that
how spice girl starts out as a stand thats helping her thru a very stressful situation is so cool and i love it
DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO *frothes at the mouth*
but more seriously how she leans on bruno and begins 2 trust him and nearly point blank is referring to him as a father figure always fucks me up
esp because of the resulting fight afterwards
and the very ending of the arc that ends w bruno being like bye gonna go in the clouds and look ethereal now, oh man it makes me so sad
bc giorno is the only one that knew what happened and people that were closer to bruno due to knowing him longer didnt
i wanna see how trish coped w that personally
despite being introduced not at the beginning i think her arc and character in general were as well paced as it could be!
9/10
finally done! sorry that took so long but oh man i have so many feelings towards these guys its not even funny
#asks#wholesome mutuals#vento aureo spoilers#to add that bruno is one of my faves of all time is probably obvious by me putting him at 10/10#fiance bullies me lovingly for liking leone so that is explanation 4 first bullet#he has not even met him but just calls him piss man#the fandoms treatment of most of these characters makes me really mad tbh
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What are some unpopular opinions you have on i land? Mine are: there were a looot of bts songs performed.like i get it cause it was bighit and bla bla but it would be interesting and diverse to see more kpop songs on stage like even the trainees on yg treasure box didnt spent all the competition performing bigbang songs. Others are: belif lab or idk should have defend K when he was victim of all that mess of harassment and i would have enjoyed seeing more of the vocal trainer (well this just proves that fans of 4gen and companies dont give a damn about live vocals anymore) for example they should have show her when taki needed help for fake love. Thats it sorry if this is long and my english is a mess lol
No, your English is perfectly fine! i think you just echoed my thoughts haha, especially the vocal trainer one. I know 4th gen is so focused on dance nowadays, but the point of K-pop and why most ppl get into it is for the music, not the performances. Each performance NEEDS a good song they can dance too, right? i wish they’ll show us more vocal focused performance (butterfly and save me will remain two of my fave performances in iland. periodt.) Idk when they stopped showcasing live vocals on iland (I think it was at the BTS test?) even though at the beginning they clearly illustrated their distinct vocals with Into the Iland. I think they stopped after Rain left? Cause Rain was probably the only one who trained them both in vocals and dance (cue that part when he told them to sing right after dancing full out, and the iconic “when I woke up in my room.” This is why he should’ve stayed.) After that, they just concentrated on dance and I’m here like. I want to hear them singing live goddamnit. I still feel bad even now after Enha debuted, I can’t tell their voices apart because a) we didn’t get to hear most of their vocals on iland and b) BELIFT FREAKING STOP USING AUTOTUNE I WANT TO HEAR THEIR VOICES (but that’s a rant for another day, I digress).
When Hanbin in got eliminated because ”his vocals and energy doesn’t fit in with the rest of the group) I was like, what???? They just want a reason to eliminate him, and with so many fans supporting him, they decided to pick on something that they themselves should’ve emphasized more on the show 🙄. Tbh, we need more of his strong and unique vocals in this industry. So yes, they should’ve showed more of the vocal trainer throughout the show, instead of always zooming in on the dancing and criticizing only that portion of the performance.
I think they only brought up the vocal trainer just to put K in an even more awkward position and pile all of flicker team’s flaws and setbacks on him specifically (I mean, they already decided to make him seem like the bad guy with the whole “hee vs. k “ conflict). Since he’s the one who told the team to get the dance down first, they decided to suddenly pull out the vocal trainer card and be like “ohohoho, why aren’t yOu WoRkInG on yOuR vOcAlS?” And then after he cried and apologized, they revealed it like a villain redemption arc. Literally, I’m just so mad about how they evil edited him, and yes they SHOULD’VE DEFENDED HIM OH MY GOD. But how can they defend him when most of the time it’s also them who decided to mar his reputation? Idk who to blame here, mnet, belift or someone else, but I will forever be mad about how they treated K throughout the show. He deserves more than this bs.
Besides vocals, I was hoping they’ll highlight the rappers! C’mon, give me a whole Daniel performance where he just go badass with one of his self composed raps! Rap is the least focused part of the idol industry rn, and I get it because there’s also the whole K-hiphop scene going on (which is notorious for colliding with idol rappers, who they don’t view as true rappers), but I wish they casted more trainees with that potential and showcase that talent on iland as well. They should’ve trained those who have the interest and potential (Daniel, Jay, Heeseung, etc.) and make a unit battle for them as well. I was so looking forward to a rap battle :’(. Or just a performance that is more rap based where they focused on the rappers. This leads back to what you said about performing songs that are not just bts because he’ll, I would k*ll to see Jay rap to a bigbang song. I have nothing against BTS, and I know they’re part of the same label, but come on! Kpop is not just BTS! There are other group songs that’ll highlight even more parts of their capabilities other dance!
#this came out so long but I have many feelings about this show#whether they’re mostly positive or negative idk#ask#anon#iland
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Yuetara, zukka, and maiko
yuetara
ship
1) its not one of my main ships. i dont rlly read fanfic for them but if i see a cute fanart of them ill enjoy it and i think i first started shipping it because of good fanarts for them.
2) i like yuetara because of how similar they are. theyre both women from the water tribe. they both understand the misogyny that they have faced. and they both said f sexism im gonna be a strong woman. i also love the tui and la parallel. moon spirit and ocean spirit parallel COME ON. YUE IS THE MOON. KATARA IS THE MOST POWERFUL WATERBENDER. THEY ARE THE OCEAN AND THE MOON. the push and pull they could give eachother. that dynamic ftw.
3) i guess if i didnt like something about this ship would be the fact that if i read a fic or see a fanart w yuetara then than means in that particular au i wont get any yuekka and yuekka is probably my second favorite ship. but then again if i get yuetara than i could get a plethora of other sokka ships to go with it so my sadness disappears in like two seconds. gosh shipping is hard sometimes until you remember ‘hey i have like fifty different universes in my head. all ur ships can coexist in ur brain olivia’ other than that i really see no downsides to this ship. maybe i wish it had more content. maybe if it had more content id ship it a lot more but its not one of the more popular ships so the content is kinda few n far between on my feed.
zukka:
SHIPPP
1) my boys. my babies. my loves. i watched this show for the first time when it came out on netflix and when it ended i really didnt ship anything other than kataang. i came onto tumblr to find fun atla content and one of the very first things i saw under the atla tag was zukka content. i was like oh? whats this? zukka? interesting... i was intrigued so i found a list of fic recs and i fell in love with the ship. the rest is history. its probably my number one ship because it was my very first ship here and im nostalgic
2) oh boy there is so much i like about this ship. i relate to a shit ton of characters in atla. but sokka and zuko may be the ones i relate to most. i relate to sokka because i tend to feel second best a lot to my friends. i try to stay positive but things rarely go the way i plan or hope for them too and while im happy for my friends and their achievements i oftentimes find myself thinking why cant that be me? and i see this a lot in sokka especially in sokkas master. i dont feel special a lot and idk seeing sokka feel the same way and then realizing he is special kinda helped me realize that im special too. on the flipside i relate to zuko because i have wild anger issues and difficulty dealing w my emotions a lot as well. i get broody and short tempered and insecure very often and i tend to push people away and i refuse to ask for help (the amount of teachers and adults and therapists who have told me its okay to ask for help ur not any weaker because of it is astounding. do i listen to them? .....im working on it.) and i saw a shit ton of this in zuko. book one and two zuko rarely asks for help as seen in the blue spirit and zuko alone and he pushes away uncle so many times and even when the gaang iffers to help him in i think its the chase he tells them to leave. when he finally has his redemption and joins the gaang and lets them kinda become a better person i was so happy. i want that for myself yk. seeing him finally win the agni kai and overcome his family that always told him he was nothing was such a win. my sister and i get along but when we were children we were very much like zuko and azula. it was extremely competitive all the time and there was so much toxicity and sibling drama to a concerning extent. we get along great now which im very happy about but yeah their sibling relationship hit a lil too on the nose for me. seeing as i relate to these character so much and want them ti be happy i want to live vicariously through them so seeing them together is amazing for me to project into them. i love projecting onto fictional characters and with them i can project onto BOTH so its a winwin. plus so many zukka fics are so well written and heartwarming and heartbreaking and emotional and fluffy anf UGH the talent here us astounding.
3) what do i not like about the ship? again the list is long. oops. mainly the toxic shippers. there are so many toxic zukka stans that sometimes make it hard for me to enjoy this ship but hey! thats what the block button is for:) i despise how often people infantilize zuko and completely ruin his character for the sake of making him a soft weak lil boy who needs protecting. thats just not zuko for me. and ive seen many many accounts even state that this kind of portrayal of zuko is rooted in racist stereotypes about asian men (now i am white so i personally have never experiences racism but i feel the need to bring that up because it is wrong and attention needs to be brought to it because a lot of poc fans have criticised this) and the same for sokka. some ppl rlly skew his character and make him a big strong brute and hypermasculine and once again poc fans have said that this take is rooted in racist stereotypes. again! these are just my opinions! this is my favorite ship! but i think its important to acknowledge some of the bad parts of our ships as well and be critical where criticism is needed :))
maiko
ship
1) I LOVE MAIKO. “i dont hate you” “i dont hate you too” BRUH. my little heart just burst into flames. im sorry guys but maiko is so cute. they hate everything except eachother. BRUH that is one of the cutest tropes. i shipped them the moment i saw them together onscreen and i was so happy when zukos face lit up in the finale when mai came back.
2) “i hate everything but i have a soft spot for you” TAKE MY MONEY I AM A SUCKER FOR THIS. they are so cute together. like zuko is rarely happy in a majority of atla but mai makes him happy and i- 🥺🥺 HE DESERVES IT. and mai is always so supportive of him. when hes stressing out about the war meeting she tries her best to comfort him. and zuko cares about her too. he may not be the best at showing it but oh my god hes TRYING HIS BEST. i think its a very accurate portrayal of teenage relationships because they arent perfect and they do fight but like,, every teenage relationship does that. and even after everything and how he left her in the fire nation she still had his back at boiling rock. she still risked her life against azula to save his butt.
3) the thing i hate about maiko isnt even about maiko. its about antis who think mai is toxic and that zuko deserves better. that has got to be the worst take ive ever heard. they had a fight in ember island. that is NORMAL. they are teenagers. they are not perfect. but underneath all the rough edges and things they need to work out they still care about eachother so freaking much. i genuinelt believe that neither of them would do anything to intentionally hurt the other and i think thats what matters the most. if anything mai is the best girlfriend in the entire world because zuko fucked up like,, quite a few times. he got rlly jealous and dumped her thru a letter and ppl always say that mai was toxic for being mad at him for those two things. umm she had every right to be mad at him for both of those. and while zuko is allowed to feel his emotions and be angry sometimes as well sometimes he needs to think things thru and realize that hey maybe some if this jealousy is unfounded. BUT EVEN THEN. HE RESPECTED HER FEELINGS AND DIDNT TOUCH HER WHEN SHE SAID DONT TOUCH ME. HE RESPECTED HER. so i hate toxic maiko takes because they are literally so wrong in my opinion.
again all of these are just my opinions!! feel free to agree or disagree but please be respectful!! i will respect whatever u think as well because this is all just for fun :)
#atla#avatar the last airbender#zukka#yuetara#maiko#ship game#ask game#long post#wow i wrote a lot#also if anyone wants to talk ships feel free to message me!
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a gra fic! :)
*
Pairing: 2010s graham coxon x reader
Word count: 2.383
Warnings: smut, age gap (45ish/20ish)
Requested by anon x
(ok so i didnt really know how to premise this but i decided to make it like an au where hes not famous and hes just a guitar teacher, to avoid any dodgy family friend relations or whatever for the ppl that feel uncomfortable with that heh (bc famous gra probably wouldn’t be teaching guitar to someone whos not already a friend in some way, if he was still a famous successful musician, you know???)) anyway enjoy this very very unrealistic fic x
* * *
“Try that for me,” Graham asked in his usual small voice. He was sitting across from me - his knees almost touching mine - with an electric guitar resting on his thigh. I was holding one as well and desperately trying to focus on what his hands were playing, rather than the details of the veiny pattern on the back of them.
“Uh,” I mumbled and tried to place my fingers like he had placed his on the strings, but quickly getting confused. I had been taking guitar lessons with Graham for a few months and it was getting harder and harder to push away the inappropriate thoughts.
I had never really had a crush on a teacher before, but of course a guitar tutor would conjure up those feelings in me. Musicians really are a whole different breed.
“Like this,” Graham helped and moved my fingers to the right strings. He was leaned in closer to me and I could feel my heart beating harder behind my ribs.
“Ah, sorry,” I apologised for my inability to pick up such a simple pattern. I caught a second of eye contact with Graham before turning my head down to hide my hot cheeks.
“Oh, don’t be,” he said with a cute concerned tone in his voice. “That’s why you’re here, to learn.”
I nodded and desperately continued to try chasing my inappropriate thoughts away. I played the chord progression almost flawlessly, and mentally beat myself up for the small errors I did. I hated failing in front of Graham. He was one of the sweetest and understanding people I’d ever met but he still intimidated me because when he played guitar he was a completely different person. I just needed his approval so bad.
“Good,” he mumbled and nodded his head. I looked up at his face again. His glasses had slid a bit further down his nose and his dark fringe laid messily across his forehead.
“Y/N.. Is there something wrong?” Graham asked after a short moment of silence and me getting a bit lost in his dark brown eyes.
“What?” I asked back and shifted in my seat. The awkward tension grew between us and Graham stared back at me with a puzzled expression and a small confused smile on his lips.
“You seem distracted,” he explained.
A war broke out in my head. One part of me wanted to just spit it out and admit to being extremely attracted to him, and another wanted me to shut up and stop acting so odd and pathetic. I settled for a stiff shrug of my right shoulder and an increased heartbeat.
“You’re probably not gonna learn much if you’re thinking about something else… Has something happened?” Graham asked. Concern had completely taken over his voice now and he was still leaned in close to me. It made my chest tighten with infatuation for him and the way he was genuinely worried about me.
“No, I’m just.. thinking,” I shrugged again and looked down on our knees that were even closer to touching now.
“About?”
I could tell was being as careful as he possibly could and he really didn’t want to put any pressure on me. And he didn’t. All the pressure that was on me I put on myself. At last the impulsive side of me won and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
“Your hands.”
Graham was taken aback a bit and laughed nervously. He leaned back again and I felt like throwing up. Why did I have to be so stupid?
“What about them?” he chuckled.
I had already dug myself a hole that was impossible to get out of, might as well keep digging.
“They’re, uh.. attractive,” I mumbled and swallowed nervously. I couldn’t think of a single adjective that felt appropriate to use. It felt like I was sweating from every pore and there wasn’t a single cell in my body in which I felt sexy or like I was capable of seducing this forty-something year old man.
“Attractive?” He asked and sent the ball right back to my court. To be fair, I was the one who had started this whole thing. I deserved to feel this uncomfortable.
“Yeah, like.. I-want-them-on-my-body attractive. That sort of thing,” I kept digging my hole and Graham’s cheeks were now getting a bit red too.
He stared at me in silence for four seconds. I counted them carefully and slower than normal, so it was probably even longer in reality. He then looked down for another few prolonged seconds. I began lining up all the curse words I knew in my head and threw them at myself.
“Okay,” Graham said quietly as he slowly looked up again. He was still hugging the guitar and his hand tightly clasped the neck of it, rather nervously.
“Well,” he continued uttering words, but not forming a sentence that carried any of this agony forward or backward or in any direction really. I couldn’t speak because I knew whatever I said I would make everything worse.
“Would you like to do something about it?” he asked cautiously and suddenly took a giant leap in the conversation. His head was tilted downwards slightly but he was looking me in the eye as my stomach turned over with nerves. I knew I should’ve said no and he knew he shouldn’t have asked that but here we were and I couldn’t think of any other answer but yes.
“Yeah,” I answered in a weak mumble.
Graham reached out to put the guitar back in its stand and I figured this was one of those times when actions speak louder than words. I did the same and sat back again with my clammy palms resting on my thighs. Graham had his bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he reached his hand out. He touched my leg gently with his fingertips and lifted my hand from my thigh. The notion that all this was highly inappropriate was forgotten as soon as he loosely held my hand and rubbed his thumb across my knuckles. I felt like I’d been holding my breath for the last ten minutes.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. Graham held my one hand a bit tighter and reached out for the other one. I took it as a sign and took a giant metaphorical leap of my own. I stood up on wobbly legs and clumsily straddled his lap. He was wearing a pair of loose fitting blue jeans and I was wearing a pair of tight black ones. Even with all this fabric separating us, I could feel Graham harden a bit under me as I slowly grinded my hips back and forth a couple times. His hands let go of mine and immediately held my face, making me look into his eyes.
“Tell me if it’s weird,” he whispered. I could’ve sworn his lips were already touching mine - with the way I could taste his breath - but I soon realised they weren’t. I wanted them to be.
“You tell me,” I said with a nervous laughter. “I started this,” I joked and looked away from his eye contact. I was caught in a feeling more conflicting than I had ever felt before. Half of me wanted to tear every part of clothing from our bodies, while the other half was terrified and wanted to run away and never have to expose my body to Graham. The thought that he was old enough to be my father crossed my mind fleetingly and I was turned off for a minute, but at the same time I couldn’t keep from kissing him for much longer.
Graham’s hands were calmly resting on my hips now. I pressed my sweaty palms against his soft stomach under his shirt and watched his gaze fall to eye me up and down - or down and up, rather. He helped by raising his arms and I pulled his striped t-shirt off. I threw a glance at the, closed but not locked, door. We had about fifteen minutes left of the lesson, but I knew there was still a risk of another tutor or student walking in at any second. It made me more nervous and more excited.
I realised I would have to step down from his lap to take my jeans off. Now when I had finally gotten it I never wanted to break my contact with his body. I stood up hastily and struggled to get my tight jeans off. I then tore my hoodie off and felt completely naked. I was still wearing my pair of mismatched, yet oddly flattering, bra and pants as I stood frozen to the ground and allowed myself to stare at Graham’s bare torso. He looked even more handsome without a shirt than I could’ve ever imagined. His shoulders were broader than his waist and his stomach looked smooth and warm with a few soft hairs around his belly button and his chest.
“Help me out of these,” Graham suggested and both our gazes fell to his crotch. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of the bulge inside his jeans.
I nodded and kneeled down in front of him, placing my hands on his firm thighs. I could see a modest grin begin to form on his lips. He was clearly enjoying the sight of me on my knees in front of him. As my breathing picked up, I undid his jeans and pulled them all the way off his legs as he stood up to help. My hands were back on his thighs as he sat down again and I let one of them wander up to cup his prominent bulge outside of his underwear. A quiet moan fell from his lips. There was something raspy in his otherwise soft and gentle voice.
“You’re so beautiful,” Graham mumbled, the newfound rasp still apparent in his voice.
“Thank you,” I breathed shyly and kept rubbing his erection for a few more intense seconds before I decided I needed him inside me.
I stood up again and Graham pulled his pants down to the middle of his thighs. I didn’t mean to sound so defeated or in absolute awe - even though I was - but I exhaled sharply at the sight of a nude Graham with his hard cock in his hand. My reversed gasp made him smirk again. It looked out of place on his face but I liked it.
“Come here,” he mumbled softly and leaned in to give my stomach a few wet kisses as his large hands held my waist. His grip around me was just as gentle yet firm as his grip around his guitar.
He pulled me onto his lap again and kissed up my body, until our lips finally connected. Graham pulled my underwear to the side and my whole body twitched lightly as I grinded my clit against his length. He dropped a mumbling comment about how wet I was and I giggled nervously. I refused to believe I had made him this hard.
“Do I make you this hard?” I asked. I realised right away that it was a stupid question to ask.
“Yes, clearly,” Graham chuckled. There was a bit of struggle in his voice again as he was just about fed up with my slow teasing hip movements.
Graham held my hip as he finally guided the tip towards my entrance. I sank down slowly as his size stretched my walls out and made them ache. A few whispers fell from my mouth and I could feel him watching me. I opened my eyes and looked into his. They were large and round and just as dark and beautiful as always. I kissed him again and we both moaned quietly into the kiss. Graham’s left hand was still on my hip and his right was gently cupping my breast. I was still wearing my bra but he pulled it down slightly and moved his lips from mine down to my nipple.
“Do you mind if I leave some marks?” he asked and kissed around my nipple softly as he waited for me to answer.
“Not at all,” I breathed.
I had fully adjusted to his size and rode him faster and faster as I came closer to my climax. Graham sank his teeth into the skin on my chest and sucked hard on it. It prompted an even louder moan from me and even made Graham hush me as he laughed quietly. It was a smug laugh.
With the wonderful pain from his teeth sinking into my skin and his cock as deep as it could go inside me, it wasn’t long before the orgasm built up inside me. It came quickly and almost caught me off guard when it washed over me, contorting my whole body and making me exhaustedly fall down with my forehead pressed against his shoulder. Graham held both my hips now and thrusted a few more times before he pulled out suddenly and came all over his hand and thigh. Seeing his veiny hand all covered in his own cum and hearing his heavy breaths almost made me want to go for another round right away but I contained myself and backed away from him.
I glanced at the clock on the wall as I buttoned my jeans and pulled my hoodie over my head. Graham had found some tissues to wipe his hand with and was standing faced away from me. His back was broad and beautiful and I wanted to kiss every inch of it.
“Well, I’ll.. see you next week then,” I said awkwardly and Graham turned around. The apples of his cheeks were still tinted pink and I could imagine mine were as well. He laughed lightly and walked back up to me. He gave me a quick peck on the lips and smiled.
“Yeah..”
I grabbed my stuff and awkwardly waddled out of the room with sweaty palms and a small grin that was untameable. My skin was still burning with the feeling of his teeth and lips on it. I knew there were already bruises and marks all over my chest and neck.
***
❤️❤️❤️
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hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((
MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW
what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?
Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia
which scene in the book was your favorite?
EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James (aside from the whispering room ofc).
what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?
ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((
what scenes were unsatisfactory?
there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)
but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later
what made you laugh the most?
matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said
what bored you?
this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem
also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!
what disappointed you?
cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.
what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?
see above.
what things did you predict that came true?
JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK
what are some things that were really unexpected?
ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:
- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((
-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((
-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl
-liking jesse as much as i did
-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho
-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it
- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him
are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?
yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)
are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?
I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.
who was your favorite new character?
does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!
what places in the book would you like to visit?
that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl
did you like the ending?
ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((
what did you think of the epilogue?
i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this
what are your thoughts on the engagement?
i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.
what did you want to see that didn’t happen?
matthew getting therapy periodt
umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.
what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?
i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug.
what is your favorite pairing as of now?
jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.
which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?
CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER
ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass
matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu
what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?
ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life
and barbara!! she seemed so sweet
which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?
ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.
oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies
which characters got what they deserved?
literally. none of them yet. :(
who should have died but didn’t?
Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent
what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?
okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but
what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?
THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy
which pairing do you like the least?
alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol
what are some theories you have for chain of iron?
- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane
- the bracelet will break (?)
- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book
-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.
what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?
lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)
anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT
#chain of gold spoilers#chain of gold#james herondale#Cordelia Carstairs#Matthew Fairchild#lucie herondale#anna lightwood#thomas lightwood#alastair carstairs#charles fairchild#christopher lightwood#grace blackthorn#jesse blackthorn#tatiana blackthorn#the last hours#tlh#cassandra clare#the last hours spoilers#chog spoilers
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I hate to reopen closed wounds but would you mind telling us what happened with the d20 stuff? I understand it was something about ppl not liking the fact that u made nsfw content (which honestly doesn’t sound like a big deal to me) but learning that that you were harassed off the fandom makes me go ??? I am very confused it’s literally not that deep why did they do this
I know I’m like a year(?) late to all of this but I’m really upset I honestly hope you’re in a better place and know that I love you and support you and they’re shitty people who don’t deserve anything and trust that they WILL have karma at their throats when they least expect it.
Wish I was online at the time, I can only send love and prayers your way :( <33
I've been sitting on this ask for a week or so now, trying to decide how - and whether or not i even should - answer it.
thinking too much abt my harassment inevitably causes me to spiral. what remains from that time is impossible for me to look at without going off the deep. it doesnt really feel fair to expect people to believe me without evidence when thats...why i was harassed in the first place.
but also, and maybe more importantly. i have seen firsthand that it does not take much for people on the internet to decide you are subhuman and deserve to be treated as such. i would never, ever wish for anyone to be treated the way i was, including the people who treated me that way. as difficult as it is for me to remind myself some days, many of the people who harassed me probably genuinely thought they were in the right and doing a moral duty, and just didn't fully grasp that there was a person on the other side of the screen.
if i have any sort of audience that i dont absolutely know and trust, i dont think i can, in good conscience, name some of the people who mistreated me, and some of the ways in which they mistreated me, in a public sphere. i just can't. i don't trust the internet enough.
(if i sound morally righteous abt this, its because i absolutely am. i am extending more respect and kindness to the people who hurt me in this moment than they ever extended to me. i am bitter and miserable about the fact that after everything they did to me, it is still my responsibility to be the bigger person. i'm never going to get closure. i am going to have to take some of the things they said and did to my grave. i'm allowed to be angry about it.)
what i WILL say is that, in interest of objectivity, when the callout post was originally made about me, it was not just about my nsfw content, but about racism. i've outlined these allegations here. (there is one allegation i left out here because it was on twitter instead, and because it took what i said so far out of context that i remember looking at it and having a full moment where i thought i was straight up dreaming and would wake up because i couldnt believe anyone was twisting my words that hard and not getting called out on it.)
i will also say that i'm sure the original callout post is still up and that, helpfully, it included links on the wayback archive to posts i had made which either were inconsistent with or directly contradicted the call out! (im never gonna get over the note about how i had never apologized that linked directly to an apology) if you’re willing to search it up, it may provide greater insight both into my bias, since obviously i naturally see my own side of the story, and into theirs.
i have never argued that my insensitivity was justified, and i dont want anyone to twist my words to pretend i am. what i am saying is that it was unfair and cruel to turn my unawareness into a public spectacle to be mocked. my actions may have been exaggerated or made up, but the core of it is that even if i had been that terrible, there was no excuse for turning what could & should have been a learning experience that i could improve from into an excuse to, put simply, bully someone out of a space. not once was i approached with these issues or had them explained to me privately before i was publicly denounced as unforgivable and refusing to learn. neither the poster nor any of my endless harassers, nor any of my friends who reblogged the post without bothering to tell me about it, didnt even link me in the post itself; i had to SEARCH IT UP. they were not interested in teaching me or my followers. they were interested in isolating me and forcing me out of their fandom by any means necessary, including my death. that is not an acceptable way to treat people who have not committed Actual, Physical Crimes. that is not the type of activism we as a society should encourage.
i hope that one day i will be able to give a more complete picture. but it isn't today. i'm sorry i couldn't be of more help.
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Here’s something I don’t think anyone has ever brought up about deku’s character. Deku coming to UA had another effect on him. He had low self esteem and was introverted. He had possibly never talked to a girl who wasn’t his mom. Like compare episode 1 midoriya to right now. He still has moments. He’s clueless and if asked in canon? He has a crush ururaka which he won’t let himself think about because he’s too used to rejection to assume she would like him back.
nony ngl this one hurt,,,
but youre right i dont see a lot of ppl talking abt this in terms of like,,,what’s canon nd all that
but it’s like u said, midoriya had like,,,hardly any experience talking to anyone but especially gals. i think it’s safe to assume that mido never approached them bc they never approached him, and on some days im sure ppl acting like he didnt exist was better than when they did acknowledge his existence but w hatred
so when uraraka is the first girl probably his whole life to just walk up to him and interact w him like it’s no big deal, mido cant help but treat it like it is a big deal like. hello. hes been avoiding girls he doesnt know his whole life
he was probably like subconsciously “OH GOD YOU ALWAYS HERE HOW CRUEL GIRLS CAN BE IN DRAMAS AND STUFF I HOPE SHE DOESNT FUCKING KILL ME” cause like baku and his bs is hard enough and now he’s gonna potentially have to deal w that same kinda energy from a stranger?? he is an frightened
but she continues to be friendly w him and supports him so now he’s just like u said here accepting of her friendship but like never anything more at all ever
its sad :( but he’s made such big strides since starting ua im sure he’ll get more confident when it comes to this kinda stuff,,,i love him he never deserved that sick-ass childhood
#c makes a word#answer#midoriya izuku#uraraka ochaco#izuocha#just cuz its implied throughout this whole thing
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in another life (pt. 1) | soulmate! minho
part 1 of the uwma! au series !!!! i was so excited to get this up bcs, if u hadn't realised alrdy, i LOVE uwma with my entire heart :( (ps if any of u watch any bls or even just uwma pls hmu thank u) and pls read this post b4 or after ur done reading this fic so u don't get confused in the next part!! +++ tw suicide !
• "y/n….do u like him?"
• ur automatically reminded of the time u first met
• u remember it as clear as day
• u both had taken film as ur major and on the first day, ur college held a lil gathering
• u picked up the nearest headband and read it's label
• 'belle'
• so….were u supposed to find ur beast now???? JSGSSHE THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID
• BUT UR RUNNING OUT OF TIME !!!!!!
• "10 seconds to find ur partner!!!!"
• u looked around bcs u were NOT standing in front of that huge crowd, later trying to find ur partner
• when a boy caught ur eyes
• he stood on the side, his hand limply holding the blue headband as he looked around
• and he looked ?? sad :( ??
• "last 5 seconds!!!"
• u turned around one last time and ?? EVERYONE HAD FOUND THEIR PARTNERS ALREADY??
• so u RAN towards that boy
• and caught him off guard as u pulled him down to sit on the ground as the announcer continued talking and giving out future tasks
• "hey."
• "???"
• wow this boy is worse than YOU at communicating
• "are u sure we're partners??"
• "..."
• "right, yea. i was the one who dragged u..haha..sorry.."
• so u pulled his hand up to view his headband
• 'prince adam'
• u probably looked really confused rn bcs u just made the guy speak up
• "beast."
• u looked up, OBVIOUSLY confused
• this new voice box working??? wonder whose it is
• ":o huh?????"
• he sighed and held it up for u
• thank u nameless boy bcs ur hands kinda WERE getting tired JDKHD
• "prince adam is the real name of the prince in disney's beauty and the beast."
• ":OOO REALLY???? wait but how do u know"
• "..... google?"
• "... RIGHT sorry haha"
• even after the lil gathering ended and u got to go to ur class
• ur mind was still thinking abt the guy
• u probably didn't even notice u had entered the class w that DULL ASS look until
• "ouc- WHO THE F-???????"
• "still in ur dreams?? lmao dumbass"
• ":O SHIN RYUJIN"
• "this group needed the following of a sane person so im here too. hello to u too, y/n"
• "MISS YEJI??? PEOPLE THAT I KNOW AND CHERISH????? ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ OMG HELLO TO U TOO"
• and there it was, once again, ryujin trying to get ur over affectionate ass off of her as yeji laughs
• well iN UR DEFENSE, U MISSED UR BEST FRIENDS AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE TERRIFIES U
• and when u take a seat
• u can't help but follow the movements of the boy who enters the class
• his moves aren't rushed; they seem calm. too calm.
• and that's when u hear all the whispers around u
• "is that blood on his shirt? is he already following in his dad's footsteps?"
• ‘what footsteps?’
• "i heard he dragged his partner today for the freshman gathering today?"
• ‘but i was the one who dragged him..then how-’
• "y/n?"
• "h-huh?"
• yeji's third call woke u up from ur train of thoughts
• "are u ok?"
• "yea.. i'm fine. dw!!"
• "see i told u they’re thinking abt their fantasy boys and/or girls again it's fine"
• "WH- EXCUSE ME I DON'T FANTASISE!!!!!"
• "yes y/n l/n i totally believe that"
• "SHUT UP RYUJIN"
• ur group's laughters echo in the room, along w the other friend groups'
• except for that boy who now sits in front of u
• u wonder if he's waiting for his friends
• but they never seem to show up
• even though it's alrdy been over 5 months now
• and that pretty boy in front of u is DISTRACTING u from the lesson (๑•ૅㅁ•๑) !!!!!
• and this one particular day..yeji and ryujin were absent..
• so u were kinda lonely anyways
• and hearing ppl continue to whisper abt that guy..it made u wanna talk to him again
• u don't know exactly why ?? but u did
• so u gathered up ur stuff from ur desk
• and sat at the desk next to his
• and immediately u could hear the whispers getting a bit louder
• and he ducked his head and turned towards u
• and u decided to ignore those words, and looked at him, with a bright smile on ur face
• "don't worry about them. i'm here now."
• it was something abt u
• something abt those words that made him feel some type of way
• he took in a deep breath as he looked down and then looked at u again
• "......thank you, i guess"
• u nodded and he turned towards his work
• a small smile on his face
• he had found someone
• "so?"
• ryujin asked u, bringing u back from ur flashback
•"yea..i think so.."
• yeji and ryujin sighed
• ur mind : ALERT
• IS IT BAD??? THAT U LIKE HIM???? (๑´╹‸╹`๑) ??
• "y/n...do u not know abt him..?"
• "(o゜ー゜o)??"
• they share a Look and turn towards u, worried looks on their faces
• OK YEA IT PROBABLY IS,,
• "he's the son of a mafia... that's why ppl talk abt him in such..hushed tones..and basically isolate him"
• "and look y/n..we know that isolating him is truly bad, but maybe get a little away? from him? what if u get involved in smthg bad?"
• u...ur honestly a lil shocked
• not fully by the news that his dad is a mafia
• but by the fact that they think something bad can happen when ur with him
• with HIM
• "but it's his dad who is a mafia. he's not at all like that !! he's a bit shy, and is just scared to express himself. and don't worry, yeji. i am not going to get myself in trouble"
• they muttered an "okay" and leaned back against their chairs again
• "but wait.."
• ryujin spoke up again
• "when did u even hangout w him? enough to, well, get feelings for him?"
• "uh well..that day both of u were absent, i went and sat w him in class..then shared some of my lunch w him when i saw him on the rooftop..and kind of having been bringing him lunch and staying w him..during that time.."
• they laughed, and u could feel the tension easing away
• "never knew y/n's a dom lmao"
• "they seem like a switch tho"
• "SHUT UP"
• and so u did join the guy
• (who's name u had learned to be lee minho)
• whenever u found him to be lonely
• and even tho minho seemed to be against the whole idea of u joining him all the time
• trust me he's a whole softie inside
• he just ;;;; he gets so happy whenever u come by
• and not just bring him lunch
• and not only during lunch breaks
• but all the time
• whenever he passes by u
• u always greet him, and
• wave at him and u just feel like a shield from everyone and all the bad things everyone says and he just
• he can't thank u enough
• but it's not just that
• and he knows that
• even when he sees u coming towards him in the library
• sneaking in some food bcs it IS lunch
• so technically u ARE supposed to bring him food
• "hey !! :D"
• u take the chair in front of him
• and take out the food, both of urs, and shove his one towards him
• "WHY-"
• minho shushes u and u turn around to look if u made anyone else angry
• and perhaps...... u DID.... AJSBBE
• so u just duck ur head as an apology and the furious students go back to studying
• "why are u studying rn???? it's lunch!!!!!"
• "ok and??"
• "rest is important!!"
• "what makes u think i haven't rested enough alrdy?"
• "well i've seen u w the book the ENTIRE DAY ??"
• minho sighs, but then perks his head up
• "u..u watch me..?"
• "!! im not a STALKER-"
• minho shushes u again and ur pretty sure the other students r staring daggers at u rn JDVSJE
• "-im not a stalker,, ur in my class.. right in front of me.."
• minho chuckles silently at ur words
• "sure"
• u were flustered until u realised u just
• u just made the biggest tsundere chuckle
• c h u c k l e
• "did u just …….. chuckle at me…….."
• minho looked down, scared to meet ur eyes bcs shit ur rite
• "no…….what makes u think that………"
• u giggle at his failed attempt to delete that successful moment from ur memory
• minho smiles a little
• he was so happy
• even tho it was abt u
• even tho u had made it CRYSTAL CLEAR that u like him
• like at random times u would be like
• "damn i can't believe i fell for u"
• or
• "oh good lord!! i always try to hangout w the guy i like but he pretends to not like spending time with me!!!!!!! what did i do to deserve this !!!!!!"
• and in these situations what does minho do??
• LAUGH .
• he LAUGHS
• just a bit bcs he's still under that tsundere cover JSGSJSB
• but like !!!!!!! in his defense !!!!!!!
• HE DIDNT KNOW IF U TRULY MEANT IT !!!!!!!
• MAYBE U LIKE HIM JUST AS A FRIEND !!!!!!!!!!!!
• AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN THIS FRIENDSHIP !!!!!!!!
• that too w his first ever friend..................
• little did he know he was truly so engrossed in his thoughts that he had stopped eating and had been staring at the sky above for like ??? more than 5 mins now ??
• "MINHO ???????"
• he flinched and moved away a bit at the sound of ur voice suddenly piercing his thoughts
• "w-what"
• "bitch i thought u died or smthg...u have been staring above for so long pretty sure some flies even touched ur food and it's now UNHYGIENIC"
• his eyes met urs and, as if he got some idea, he suddenly kept his lunch box away to look at u
• "wait im pretty sure the flies didn't sit on the food!!!! it was a joke-"
• minho exhaled loudly before he spoke
• "y/n?"
• "yes…?"
• "can i ask u smthg…..?"
• "sure!!"
• minho inhaled sharply before continuing
• "do u ever feel uncomfortable? when ur with me?"
• u thought for a while, before giving him a smile and answering him
• "why would i? idk if ur referring to the rumors here...or if they're supposed to be involved here but...they don't affect me. firstly, i don't even know if ur dad truly is a part of the mafia-"
• "he is."
• minho was staring at u intently, wondering how u'll respond to this
• "well, uh, nice for him? i guess? but it's him right? not u? then there's nothing to worry about."
• minho shook his head as he tried to look anywhere but at u
• "but what if u ever get in trouble? bcs of me?"
• "that's on me. not u. and if it's through u, or if u ever get in trouble or smthg-"
• u picked his hand up, holding it tightly, which seemed to catch him off guard
• "-i will protect u."
• he could do nothing but give u a soft smile, before turning his head away
• and so did u bcs damn y/n since when did u become so confident huh JDVSJE
• so u decided to go for it
• "y/n, will u be my partne-"
• u gently pecked his lips before moving away real QUICK JSGEJE
• WAS HE ABT TO CONFESS ???????????
• WHY ARE HIS EYES WIDENED LIKE THAT?????????? DID U
• OH NO U DID SOMETHING WRONG DIDN'T U
• "i-i'm sorry….i didn't mean to-"
• and u looked up in time, only to see minho leaning in, before he connected his lips to urs
• it was a slow kiss
• it took u a while to get the fact into ur head that he's right here
• he is kissing u
• and so u snaked ur arms across his shoulders, as he held u tight, even closer
• and when u both pulled away
• both of u were flushed red
• and it did feel kinda quiet so u just
• "damn im glad we have lunch on the rooftop, huh"
• minho chuckled as he moved away
• "kinda ….. yes"
• and so for the next months u continued to tease him with this JDGSJS
• even tho yall are technically dating now uwu
• but he never tells u he likes u
• which is : frustrating
• bcs u !!!!!! UR THE BIGGEST OVERTHINKER EVER !!!!!!
• ENOUGH TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP !!!!!!!!!
• and the fact that EVEN THO he's ur bf and u KNOW it, u continue to be curious if he even likes u :(
• so u just slam ur spoon on the table
• which makes him look up
• "what? is the ramen too spicy?"
• u shoot ur head towards him, a pout on ur face
• "do u like me?"
• ".........what"
• JSHSKWKKW
• Y/N PLS
• "u never….u have never said u like me…...and yea sure im not supposed to question this bcs ur my boyfriend and i know that but im sorry i overthink alot and it's just me saying i like u all the time but not u and i just can't help but-"
• "i …….. i like."
• "huh?"
• u shoot ur head upwards at minho, who now gets up to keep his empty bowl in ur kitchen sink, with a grin along ur face
• "u heard me."
• and u wish u could still be as happy as u were on this day
• when he first confessed
• well, half-confessed
• but u couldn't be
• even as he stood in front of u, saying that he loves u
• and he's grateful for u
• u couldn't stop the tears that continued to stream down ur cheeks
• ur eyes could only focus on the gun that he held right beside his temple
• his dad used to send people behind minho whenever u two went on a date
• "he wants me to go on w his job after he resigns" minho had once told on one of ur dates
• "do u want to?"
• "no, obviously-"
• he held ur hand in his
• "i want to be with u"
• then why
• why was he standing there, with that gun
• that stupid gun aimed at his temple?
• today while u had closed ur eyes, wishing for something, like minho had told u when he brought that birthday cake for u out of nowhere while u and minho were having ur date
• u opened ur eyes when u heard a muffled voice screaming loudly
• only to find it was minho's
• which confused u when u saw the hand covering his mouth
• but surprised u, when u saw his dad standing right behind him
• he kept pulling minho away from u
• minho yelled, tried to free himself away
• but couldn't
• until u yelled at his dad to stop
• and minho dropped on the ground, with his wrists red from being grasped so tightly
• u went on and on abt how he has made minho feel and what minho truly wants
• u had shut ur eyes out of fear
• but u had opened them to see what minho truly wants
• death ;
• an escape
• from all of this
• and so he spoke one more time
• "y/n. remember, i love you, okay? i….i'll always keep my promise."
• and then, a gunshot.
• u weren't sure if time had stopped or if it was just u frozen
• but u could only hear a beep sound going in ur ears as his body dropped on the ground
• limp.
• and at once u leapt towards him, sobbing, u fell to ur knees, ur hands grazing his cheeks and gently hitting his chest
• "y/n…. i don't know how to go on…"
• he had told u this months ago, when u guys had been dating for abt 5 months then
• "minho, we'll always be together, no matter what. i, at least, will be there for u, always."
• minho had looked at u with tears in his eyes
• he rlly was so stupidly in love w u
• "but what if i...die...someday?"
• u sighed and turned to look at the night sky
• at least none of his dad's assistants had found out abt ur place yet
• (thankfully)
• u turned to look at him again
• "then...i'll die too."
• so that's what u were gonna do
• u searched for the pistol, as u blinked several times to focus properly
• when u finally found it, ur hands shakily reached for it
• and then as u aimed it at ur own temple
• the last part of that conversation popped into ur head again
• "then, will we meet each other in next life?"
• minho thought abt it for a few secs
• "probably"
• u nodded
• "i once heard that...when u fall for someone at first sight, it probably just means that we're recognising our partner's soul from our past life….do u think that will happen w us? do u think we'll…. we'll recognise each other?"
• "...i hope so…."
• u both let out a stifled laugh
• and so u stick ur pinky finger out, asking for his
• "minho."
• "yes?"
• "promise me."
• "promise what?"
• "promise that…...that we'll find each other.."
• minho was abt to argue w u but seeing ur lil pout
• he had no choice but to agree
• "promise."
• and so, another gunshot was heard.
#stray kids#stray kids imagines#stray kids minho#minho imagine#lee minho#minho#lee know#bang chan#chan#kim woojin#woojin#seo changbin#changbin#hwang hyunjin#hyunjin#han jisung#jisung#han#lee felix#felix#felix lee#kim seungmin#seungmin#yang jeongin#jeongin#i.n#stray kids fic#in another life#minho fic
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