rural midwest my beloved

Lil real life update~ mostly just incoherent rambles

I’m starting a new job in January. It’s been in the works a crazy long time now but I didn’t mention anything sooner, which I’m glad for because it has taken actually forever and anything that could possibly happen to delay the process did happen :’) But it finally paid off. I’m quitting my current job in December because it’s the only way I’ll be able to get time off to spend Christmas with my family for the first time in years (since it’s “forbidden” for us to request time off October - early January at my current job). It caused some drama with my in-laws who I guess pre-emptively assumed we were doing “Christmas” in January because “that’s what we always do” (yeah because I can’t get any other time off, not for funsies or our personal preference lol????) but whatever, that’s a whole other thing. I have finally escaped the service industry! As someone with no degree and no “marketable skills,” that’s huge lol. And I am very excited. I am little nervous since I don’t know a lot about the job or what to expect. The hours apparently vary wildly--some times of the years we are off, some times will be slow, some it will be super busy and I’ll be working a lot of hours. I’m not really sure how it will go. I don’t really have the spoons to keep up with overtime let alone fulltime work. But like? I already work 30 hours a week at an emotionally, physically, and mentally draining job. I lose two entire days every week of my life to double-shifts that leave me no time for anything but sleep and hygeine. I feel so busy and so drained I can’t even enjoy my time off or do anything with it. So like, could it really be any worse than that? It also involves some travel which I am really excited for! I do kinda wanna scream because things are going to shit with my husband’s job and he’s talking about us moving back to DC/noVA because that’s where the most job opportunities for him are now that I’ve finally got this job that I sunk a year of waiting and endless hours of paperwork into and I am so tired of moving :))))) But w/e we’ll see how things go. I am ignoring that possibility for now and just going to let myself feel excited that I can finally quit this shit job LOL I know I haven’t talked about my real job a lot here. I’m a hostess at a fine dining restaurant which is one of the nicest places in this combination tourist trap + retirement community I have the misfortune of currently residing in. Along with all the usual fun of working in the service industry, most of our regular customers are rich, entitled old people, and then we get a lot of people coming to celebrate special occasions and expecting everything to be ~*perfect*~ and business people having business meals and thinking they are more important than everyone else in the restaurant. It’s kinda horrible and to top it all off, my boss may actually be one of the worst people I have ever met. I know most people hate their bosses and like yeah, I’ve had bad bosses before, but no, this is beyond the stereotype. She incompetent. She is lazy, won’t do shit, only comes in for two “shifts” a week (by which I mean she shows up like three hours into an actual shift) but then tries to micromanage and do nothing but lecture people and refuse to help solve any actual problems or talk with customers wanting to speak with her. Her shitty attitude toward us is not even a “the customer is always right” thing; she is actively horrible to both her employees and even the customers, like almost actively malicious toward our customers who give her their money LOL. We get bad reviews about her and she upsets so many of our customers. She’s a spiteful, racist, xenophobic, Fox-news obsessed piece of MAGA shit who goes on about her shitty political views at the work place to us and bewildered customers alike. She won’t let anyone request time off for anything but she’ll take multiple vacations a year + time off for plastic surgeries and not even have someone available to cover for her in her absence. Oh and she loves to party and drink with her employees who are younger than her own children, get mixed up in all their drama, and bring her relationship drama about who is cheating on who in her marriage (well, former marriage now lol) into the workplace and like. If it weren’t for everyone else still there, I would love to see this entire business blow up in her face, but oh well. Anywho, I’m excited for the new job but definitely nervous. Even if it doesn’t work out, I’m just so relieved I can quit my current job before I actually snap. I’m really looking forward to the future now. Even if that means potentially moving yet again.

How many reminders of them trenches is enough?  There’s a FB account that I opened separate from my regular account Because I was looking for a restaurant job  And I didn’t want to talk to people about employment in the Atlanta hospitality industry via my regular profile. They see that I love Black people and call out white supremacy ON TOP OF having the nerve to have natural 4C hair, and my ass ain’t gettin hired, And it was hard enough to get interviews without them knowing how I live. So yeah, came across this profile I opened in 2018.  And in the DM is a lot of pain. It’s all the messages I sent that were ignored by these white restaurant managers, who magically didn’t need any more help when I inqured about the posted jobs. It’s some crazy shit said to me by a Black woman who hires in restaurants  It’s this detailed DM I wrote to someone named Joy who I do not remember at all,  Telling her about the racist way I was bullied and emotionally abused for two weeks by a white gay manager and his Black gay flunky--the two bitches who hired me--before the GM took mercy on me and fired me. They framed it like I just wasn’t picking up the job and that was a lie, because they had my name on the top of the sales list, like, my price per person was high as hell and I hadn’t been there two weeks. They didn’t have to treat me like shit  They coulda just said it’s not working out and let me go as soon as Tom Murphy said he didn’t want my kind working front of the house like,  Why waste 2 weeks of my time just to beat up on me?  That’s how much we’re hated and not even considered human.  Do I need to keep the details of that time?  How much of The Trenches do I need to keep in touch with, How many stories and things from that time do I need to remember every detail of, so that the details cut me and the pain propels me forward   Forward, Forward away from them shitty people forever. 

Hey hey pspspsps if ur down to write some genshin headcanons👀👀 I’d loveee to see some modern au Tohma, Xiao, Kaeya, Childe, Zhongli and Diluc headcanons 👀👀 like college age mayhaps 👀👀

Ohhh ok BUCKLE UP KIDS it’s Genshin modern college au headcanons here we go!

Warnings for alcohol mention and very brief mention of recreational drug use

I feel like I should disclaimer that I’m in a coed frat and went to a small to mid size technical school that’s pretty nerdy so my experience with frats is probably very different and not nearly as gross as the like general US State School experience can be

Tohma

Smooth talker, big man on campus 100%

Probably joined a frat literally the minute he could for the connections and so he could meet even more people

Dude has been throwing ragers since like the first month of his freshman year, you don’t know how he knows so many goddamn people on campus he just does

Seems like a player and hopeless flirt but is actually such a dorky little himbo when you get to know him

If you need any kind of recommendation on anything he’s your guy. From the best spots to nap on campus to the best restaurants within walking distance.

In a relationship he’s super open about his affection and probably is into PDA. It’s not a possessive thing, he’s just so in awe he gets to have you that he wants to enjoy every second of it so why miss out on a hug or kiss from you just because there’s a few people around

Xiao

The first several times you interacted you were probably forced too. Like you were partners on a group assignment so he had to deal with you for a little bit and eventually warmed up

Has a reputation among the rest of your class for how standoffish he is so when he started hanging out with you a few of the other people from your year legit were just like “h o w” and you can’t even give them a proper answer tbh because even you don’t know

Is probably some kind of writing/English/history major

Not only is willing to fight anyone who tries to imply his degree isn’t as useful as a STEM one, but actually has gotten in multiple, some of which almost came down to an actual physical fight before you dragged him away

Definitely pouted about you pulling him away but will yell at you if you call it pouting

In a relationship there is almost no PDA. He might hold your hand and if someone makes him jealous enough he may pull you a little closer and/or put himself between the two of you but for the most part he feels like his relationship is no one else’s goddamn business and he has no interest in giving people a show

Kaeya

The biggest little shit as always

Also joined a frat but is mostly in it for the free booze and he says the brotherhood but you’re pretty sure he just likes the way the other members hang on his every word when he speaks

Doesn’t believe in the cult-like level of loyalty some frats expect and so will 1000% report any of his fellow brothers who try to be shady/scummy/gross. No one would dare get mad at him for it so it’s actually helped the frat stay a healthy environment, 10/10 could trust the guys there with your drinks

Honestly at this point the frat is pretty much just Kaeya’s Followers(tm) and by his senior year the juniors get worried about it because “uhhh who becomes Kaeya when Kaeya graduates” and when they try to ask Kaeya this question he just winks and gives an answer that is entirely unhelpful and sounds like it’s at least 80% bullshit

Never seems to go to class and yet somehow always has amazing grades

In a relationship acts very flirty and is constantly teasing you in public, but stops short of anything above mild pda and in private gets really soft and sweet he’ll deny it if you try to point this out in front of others though

Childe

Is in the literal douchiest frat on campus fuck the Fatui like you’re constantly trying to get him to de-brother but he’s got a misplaced loyalty to them that keeps him in the organization

First time you met him you wanted to punch him in the face but he also quickly becomes the only thing stopping you from failing out of a class the two of you share and over the course of that time he manages to win you over at least a little bit

It’s all fun and games until someone pisses him off. He’s another one that you have to try and drag away from physical altercations on a semi-regular basis

Once he notices that you care enough to try and drag him away or worry about him if he’s injured in a fight, he starts picking more of them just to see your reaction

Even if y’all’s relationship is entirely platonic he flirts with you. He thinks it’s funny when he can manage to fluster you so he tries to make a game out of it even if he doesn’t actually mean any of the things he’s saying

If you guys are in a relationship he definitely packs on the PDA, partially to fluster you, partially because he’s possessive and he doesn’t like the way some of his frat brothers look at you sometimes so he wants everyone to be totally clear on who exactly you belong to

Zhongli

Still rich, still never has any fucking money on him. The number of times you’ve had to cover for this man because he’s forgotten his wallet in his dorm or straight up lost it is honestly ridiculous at this point but you can’t even be mad at it because he invites you to his family’s beach house and shit to compensate

He’s the kind of rich where his family has had money forever so he genuinely doesn’t even realize that some things aren’t normal experiences like not everyone grew up with a butler and all designer clothes, etc.

Definitely an Econ major because his parents want him to take over the family corporation but on the low has 0 intentions of doing so and actually intends to create his own start up after graduation and do something he wants to do without having to answer to anyone

He’s so pretty and for what? Mans is oblivious as fuck. Literally half the people on campus that are into dudes have a crush on him but he has no idea and if you try to point it out to him he’ll wave you off

In a relationship he’s either taking you to the shitty Mexican restaurant on campus that’s open until like 3am on weekends or five star restaurants, no in between. You’re either eating like royalty because he knows you deserve it, or eating like broke college kids because he wants the ✨experience✨

He gives me gentlemanly PDA vibes, like he’s not gonna makeout with you in the quad but he’ll kiss your hand or your cheek, hold you close to him, and otherwise make it clear that he’s very much happily in love with you

Diluc

Not only is this man not in a frat, he probably actively campaigns against their existence and isn’t quiet about hating them

Always goes to class and thus always has amazing grades

Won’t get into physical fights the way Childe and Xiao do even though he could hold his own in one if he wanted to, but regularly gets into debates with people and is not afraid to drag you into the middle of it even if it has nothing to do with you

Doesn’t drink which frequently means him playing caretaker/mom friend when y’all go to parties together and while he might complain about it he secretly loves that you trust him to take care of you if you get sloppy drunk/high/crossed

Flusters easily but good at hiding it. If you flirt with this man in public his expression won’t change while he’s telling you to stop fucking around but his face will be going as red as his hair

In a relationship he’s not a fan of PDA but is a fan of you, so while he probably keeps the affection to a minimum while you’re out and about he still is maintaining some sort of physical contact with you most of the time or at the very least is keeping you close

post-party.

“so, you want me to be in this call for how long?" your friend from the other line asked again, not understanding the use of you freaking out for the tenth time. the plan was simple; make your friend hear everything he was speaking, eat dinner, and bye-bye forever. they did say easier said than done; you felt like your heart is about to burst out from your chest, alongside with your hands trembling in nervousness and a slight flutter but you refuse to admit it to anybody.

the more you admit; the more feelings you will let in since you have been blocking all the invalid feelings the minute, he walked away without saying goodbye to you. who is he to twirl in your life again? after all the mess he created in your life, vice versa. "you heard me right." you said back, clearly.

the pathway was familiar for you, the small party you would have in the diner after breaking up then fucking with no feelings, and lastly, confessing feelings for someone else. the restaurant was most probably tired of both of your shit, and you do not blame it. you were tired too, but you were tired of the restless nights with no answers, tossing and turning in your bed after seeing him in your dreams and sneakily stalk his instagram from your friend's phone. you sighed understanding that you need inner peace of what happened happened, it is okay to put him in your past.

"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.

"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.

"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.

you acknowledged what he meant by 'left in the road.' even after having relationships with multiple people, he was stuck with you at all times; as if he never left you. the traffic he caused in your mind, all the new potential relationships you rejected with the reason being one day, jaehyun will come back to you. fuck jaehyun, fuck everything.

"here is your favourite dish. we missed you guys so much. enjoy." the manager served us our regulars from years ago. you and jaehyun smiled pleasingly. the heavenly fish filet curry with rice combo was the first dinner date with jaehyun, and it felt like just yesterday of you,- "you remember you nearly teared up at how good this was and i recorded you." jaehyun woke you up from the memory field-trip you were taking, so he remembers as well. "you remember?" your eyes widen surprisingly.

jaehyun shook his head, "you really think i would forget? y/n, i was fucking in love with you like crazy." he let out a smile, giving you a spoon for you to dig in. you froze still. ah, really, fuck jaehyun. taken back by his sudden outburst, you were left dumbfounded; what do you do with a piece of information like this? but this is why you are here in front of him. "aw man, really because felt like i was just your go-to girl most of the time." you smirked slightly, the unsettling feeling absorbed your chest as it started tighten thinking of how much he belittled you; even after knowing your feelings for him.

"i was young and stupid as i grew up, i felt the need to impress people around me to keep them. when we dated, we were so young but i knew for sure that i loved you. there was not one moment where i didn't." jaehyun choked out, "even after you broke up, i was mad at you, why did you do it? so i hated you or i tried. at the end, you came back and you stayed, no matter how shitty i fucking treated you and how much i used you." you inhaled loudly, as the tears blurred the image of jaehyun in front of you.

"i cried not knowing what the fuck did i do for you to treat me like garbage. you ran back to me when your girlfriend broke up. you would come back to me asking of doing this relationship with me again but the next moment, you would say you could not do this and leave again, making me feel like a fucking loser." you spilled out everything you could not do it before. in fear of losing him.

but you got nothing to lose anymore

"i kept you around because you made me feel better about myself. no matter what people would say to you, at the end of the day, you would be with me, assuring me that i was a lot better than what people say about me. i did not want to lose you in any way." jaehyun confessed, fist clenched on the table. as you stared up as your tears rolled down anyway. the burning sensation on your throat and the twisting curls on your heart hurt you. you wanted to go.

"but for me, i kept you because maybe one day you will come back to me. i know i did wrong, breaking up with you at the first place. perhaps, we would have recklessly gotten married or would have had kids. i always wanted t-" you clenched your jaw to prevent yourself to sob in front of him, "i have always loved you. even when you left without any words, i thought of you and wished you well. i hated you but i could not curse at your life anymore." you let out a sob.

"i still love you, jaehyun. i miss you, i miss you so much. you left me wounds but i learnt to be better for myself. after this talk, i wish you to stop staying mad at yourself, i want you to forgive yourself. let me go." through all the tears; where your cheeks are, most probably, red, you let out a smile.

he returned back, glassy eyes staring at you. "i am so sorry. i am so sorry. i wish i could take back things that i did. i wish i treated you better. you deserve someone who keeps you because they want to make you happy with them. i love you," jaehyun chuckled again with tears rolling down again. as his hand slide towards yours to hold onto it, for the last time. "i wish you nothing but happiness. i wish you have good days, but don't forget about me. keep me in your memories and i will keep you in mine. please know i will pray for your happiness." you tighten the embrace. his hands still felt home and safe but unknown.

he is not yours anymore.

maybe in another life, you two would be perfect for each other. in another life, you guys will find ways back to each other. "this time, i am really letting you go, jaehyun. thank you for loving me. please be happy as well." the food turned stone cold now, yet his hand was on yours, still warm.

letting his hand go, you smiled so did he. "thank you again." jaehyun stared at you with just adoration and sadness. he wished also, in another life, he will keep you safe with him; but for now, it is time to let go. "thank you." he nodded, and off i go.

putting your phone back on your ears, "it's okay, y/n. i am proud of you, baby. cry your heart out for the last time."

so you did.

side-note. break-ups are messy but what’s messier but braver is talking, no matter how long it takes. it’s good to let them know that you are ready to set them free from your mind and from your heart. the whole drabble is messy in a way because i picture when you talk to someone who you have hurt and who has hurt you, it is gonna be messy because you do not know where to start and where to end. it will be all over the place. but i hope the pain eases when you let it go, let it heal. so please be free, do not hurt yourself anymore and i will do the same.

happy reading till then. x

You’re The One I Want

Parts 1 and 2 are tagged ls!reader on this blog. The end includes some ✨spice✨, so beware if that’s not something you’re interested in. 

Bucky Barnes was in hell. Actual hell. He’d been stuck in a house with you and Sam for a month and a half. And, when Sam wasn’t grating on his last nerve, you would appear, wearing the skimpiest shorts he’d ever seen and a loose shirt, looking so beautiful it’d make his mouth go dry with nerves. (Shut up, Sam, it couldn’t be anything else). Before long, you’d do something that would inevitably send his mind straight into the gutter. (His latest fixation had been about laying you out on the table and taking his time exploring). 

You seemed unwilling to talk about what happened (or didn’t happen) between the two of you before all this safe house bullshit. He could still feel the electricity between the two of you anytime you got close. If it got any closer, Sam was going to start feeling it. To make things worse, all his dreams were suddenly about slowly sliding his hands up your legs, feeling the little prickles from where you’d missed a spot shaving and listening to your little gaps as he pressed his lips to exactly the right spot...

He’s well and truly fucked.

See, his plan had been to avoid getting close to anyone until he was sure the Winter Soldier wasn’t coming back. But he’d shown up on your doorstep and you’d taken him in. The two of you had grieved for Steve together, had put together something like a life. You’d made sure he ate on something like a regular schedule, had made him tea when he had a nightmare. He made sure the creepy assholes who lived down the street left you alone. And it had been really fucking nice, to have someone who cared about him, to care about someone like that again. He’d cared about Steve like that once, worrying over his every move and happiness. 

Bucky could have happily stayed with you forever, making tea and watching movies on Friday nights. He would have settled down and started watching the shitty shows you liked. (Something about a fiancé? And 100 days?) He’d do anything to see a smile light up your face. 

It had all been going great until the Incident. 

 You’d kissed him and he ran away like the coward he was. 

You’d kissed him and it had been the best kiss he’d had since...well ever. You’d been so soft against his chest and he’d wanted to stay in that moment forever. He wanted to hold you, to see your smile when you finally broke apart. 

He wanted to kiss you again. 

(He wanted to do more than kiss you.)

Instead, he’d ran halfway across the world in a panic. Sam and Zemo, no matter how irritating, were safer than examining his feelings for you. So he ran away, tried to avoid thinking about you or anything to do with you (which was impossible because you seemed to be inhabiting a permanent space in his brain). His therapist would call it avoidance, he called it self preservation. His feelings for you were a dangerous, unstable bomb. You were grieving the loss of your husband, the man you both loved deeply. You were his friend, the one person who didn’t care if he woke up at two in the morning, thrashing and screaming. Your happiness meant as much to him as his own. 

After everything, you’d ended up trapped in a tiny house, avoiding each other. He missed the way you smiled at him, the way you would rest your hand on his arm to silently ask if he’s okay. And now, with Sam off on some mission meant to show the world that Captain America is alive and well, you’re alone in the house. It’s like it was before, when you shared an apartment. Except you’re not talking to each other and everything is fucked up. He wished Steve was here, he’d know what to do. 

Bucky makes amends the way his mother taught him: food. He realizes halfway through cooking that maybe the Depression era food of his teens wasn’t considered good anymore. The dish is mostly potatoes, butter, and salt. It’s bland but it kept him, his sisters, and their parents fed during the hard months after his dad lost his job. You were probably used to world class food in fancy restaurants. His stupid potatoes weren’t enough. 

You’re clearly surprised he cooks. You’re even more surprised he’s a good cook. Dinner is a little awkward, Bucky talks to fill the silence. He talks about his childhood, and his family, and growing up with Steve. In turn, you tell him about your life. Your family, hometown, what it was like to have Tony Stark as a Godfather. 

It’s so fucking nice to talk again.

He waits for a lull in the conversation as you clean up before he finally asks.  

“Are we ever going to talk about it?” You hum noncommittally, washing the kettle he’d boiled potatoes in. “Talk about what?” You know damn well what he’s asking about. He’s asking about the kiss and that moment before Sam and Torres had shown up. That moment that had pushed its way into your every waking thought. 

Before you can come up with another smart ass remark, he’s crowding you against the counter. There’s an intense look on his face, somehow different from the one he usually wears. Your heart races and you think your body might actually be on fire. 

“About the fact that you drive me crazy.” There’s no time to respond before Bucky’s kissing you. Your hands automatically go to his hair, clutching the short locks. Dimly, you curse the fact that he cut his long hair. Your mind is filled with dirty images of tugging on his hair, of your fingers laced in his hair as he licks and sucks at the apex of your thighs. 

Bucky’s hands, meanwhile, are mapping your body. His left is resting on your hip, hesitantly rubbing circles on the exposed skin. His right hand is cradling your head, keeping you as close to him as possible while you kiss. You stay in this cramped position for a few moments, enjoying the feel of each other, before he breaks away. Your lips are swollen and your hair is mussed, making you look downright sinful. 

You’re both at a loss for words at this new development, so he doesn’t say anything. He sits at the table, settles you in his lap, and continues. Before long you’re grinding against his thigh, making breathy little noises and whines. 

“James.”

It makes his brain short circuit. All he can hear is white noise as a rush of pleasure spreads through him. He wants to make you make that noise again, wants you to call him James in that tone of voice. Somewhere, he distantly realizes you’re chanting his name and rutting against his thigh. It sounds like heaven. 

After, he’ll make sure you’re both cleaned up and settled into your respective beds. After, he’ll wonder what exactly this means for the two of you. Right now, he’s too busy to care.

WIP TITLES ASK GAME

Rules: Share the titles of each of your current WIPs, and, if your followers ask, share a preview of the one that sounds the most interesting. Send this on to mutuals who you are curious what they’re working on.

tagged by @texanredrose who probably dislikes me personally for this HGDFSGHJSDF. tbh i often don't title like ANYYYYY of my WIPs until i have to input them onto AO3, so uh. i am going to have to bullshit some names. also i'm gonna do tex's thing and add a little synopsis if i TRULY cannot think of a title lmao.

note: i am NOT counting WIPs that have at least one chapter posted because otherwise we will be here FOREVER AND EVER so uh yeah. this is just stuff trapped in my gdocs. also it's just RWBY for the sake of keeping it simple, stupid,

anyway uh am tagging @edarzhar (bitch) and @flawedvictori too!!! perish,

(this got long so here's a cut)

Bunfeed Bunsolved: The Valley Walk -- YES this is still happening just very slowly. this is the first cinder/velvet fic of the series and i am SO excited because it gets Weird out there. also it's mostly all about how much cinder likes hiking until she's actually doing it. inspired by the horror movie The Ritual (2017) if you MUST have context,

Ode to Stray Dogs -- it's that guard dog!Weiss/Cinder AU i posted the entire plot for a week or so ago! i love love love this AU and it WILL happen and it IS happening i'm just very slow about it sdhjfghjsgdfk anyway weiss becomes cinder's guard dog. that's the fic. also it's very kinky.

Untitled Velvet/Cinder Fic I -- it's untitled and it's a fic! this one is about, erm... a high-class restaurant/bar/whatever that also doubles as a kinky hook-up joint because you can pay for the servers to let you get freaky with them??? im SO sorry this au legit was so spur-of-the-moment but anyway velvet is there being very hot and cinder, emerald and neo are there like 👀s about it sfdhjsgdfgk

Untitled Velvet/Cinder Fic II -- HAH THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!!! this one is also just a stupid dumb kinky idea but anyway it's about... um... well... it's... [makes vague gestures] i feel like if i try and explain this one people are going to be like 'really' at me BUT IT'S REALLY HOT OKAY I'M JUST!!!!!!!!!!! look if i say it has excessive cum and involves like all the girls of rwby can we just agree to leave it there,

Pâte à Choux -- velvet/every girl. they have sex. every girl. and velvet. i TRULY need to say no more,

Untitled Cinder/Neo Fic -- okay this one is good. cinder and neo gatecrash a mistrali wedding in which cinder talks to everyone to gather just enough knowledge to pretend to be a very distant relative whilst neo demolishes the buffet. they are both dressed terribly and get really drunk and whilst the groom is very suspicious of these two two nonbinary lesbians cinder gives the wife a really expensive gift and so she's like 'do not fucking kick them out MICHAEL' and it's very stupid and dumb. anyway they do this once a week,

Untitled Cinder, Mercury, Emerald, Neo, Roman Fic -- chatlog! been poking at this one for a bit... it's just the CRME + Neo groupchat and it's a disaster also it's cinder/velvet again I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW SHUT UP I KNOW

Untitled GWS!Weiss/canon!Weiss fic -- you know the one. very horny. also very sad???

The Grimmification of Ruby Rose -- here's the bitch!!! this is happening albeit very slowly. in this AU, grimm are actually infected people (THIS WAS BEFORE CANON MADE IT COOL) who turn into grimm over a period of weeks/months! ruby gets infected when she's 15 and decides to kill salem before salem can kill her. currently tinkering with the idea of making it ruby/velvet but don't quote me,

Untitled Faunus AU (aka The Academy of Menagerie) -- a modified version of my Everyone Is A Faunus AU, in which all the cast are faunus and attend the academy of menagerie, which has been invited to participate in the vytal Festival for the first time in its 25 year history. naturally, teams RWBYJNPRCFVY etc show up and wreck shop.

The Misadventures of Blake Belladonna's Silicone Dick -- THIS IS HAPPENING I SWEAR TO CHRIST it's SO funny i have to finish this eventually!!! anyway this is about a non-binary transmasc blake (aka my regular blake) who uses a packer!!! people find out and things get ridiculous. namely it somehow ends up on the roof at some point,

Untitled Snowboarding AU -- this one is one of those horny ones that isn't horny on the surface but is getting there. anyway ruby wins tickets for an all-expenses-paid trip to one of the schnee resorts up in solitas and gives them to blake and velvet who end up there in her stead. they meet weiss schnee, professional snowboarder, and it turns out that when weiss is amped on adrenaline sahe is absolutely 100% down 2 clown... so yeah it's weiss/blake/velvet fhgjsfdj

Untitled Dishonored AU Spinoff -- for Tex!!! the person who inflicted this upon me. it's a little story set in the dishonored au in which we focus on velvet--in charge of the vale rebellion--and cinder, who is a Crime Lady looking to help the rebellion out if only so she can get back to doing crimes all the damn time. its also about velvet strategically avoiding all of rubys text messages as she runs around like a clown. people die!

My Summer Car/RWBY Crossover -- this is another one i'm gonna get to EVENTUALLY. in which taiyang and summer leave for vacation in mistral and yang goes and hangs out in vale for the summer, leaving ruby in the house alone with nothing but a shitty old car for company. probably ruby/velvet. shenanigans ensue.

Sims Medieval/RWBY Crossover -- i've been working on this one FOREVERRRRRRRRRR and it Will happen. it will. ruby is the bardic hero of the kingdom of vale in service to her majesty glynda goodwitch! along with nine other heroes, ruby has to help save vale from an untimely end... but the old queen salem still lingers in the shadows, and threatens to consume all the kingdoms in her great maw. can ruby, armed with little more than a lute and her wits, help save vale? probably not but she CAN play a banging ballad,

Untitled Taffeta/Sienna/Sherveen Fic -- dicks out for milfs that is all

Untitled Ash/Ghira/Taffeta/Kali Fic -- dicks out for dilfs that is all

not as many as tex but then again if we counted all the motherfuckers still in progress................. yikes. anyway here's that. i've probably forgotten a few/ignored ones that are similar concepts to these just in their own little branches (the aufeis fic has like a BILLION snippets in my files i just count em all as the same thing sdhjgf) but whatever. anyway. pass the curse along.

Songbird c2: Honey Hi || Frankie Morales

Pairing: Frankie Morales × gn!reader

Summary: A couple weeks after first meeting the kind bartender with the warm brown eyes, you begin to get to know him better.

Warnings: none ??

A/N: I can't believe im already losting chapter 2 what the hell its only been a week since this idea came to me

Wordcount: 2k

Series Masterlist

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

You stood back, looking at the loose outline of a song you had just scrawled across the chalkboard wall in your room. You had a good feeling about this one. All you needed was one good afternoon to sit down and put it to music before it would be ready for the citizens of Boston. You had picked up a couple of regulars after eight months of busking, they enjoyed your original songs and had even bought the shitty CDs you'd made with a mixture of covers and original material. Speaking of busking...

You looked out your window to make sure the bright, cloudless sky hadn't changed since sunrise, then grabbed your acoustic guitar and headed out.

The sun shined on you as you made your way through the streets of Boston, past restaurants and studios, across crosswalks and through the crowds. As you passed the Sunrise Theater, your thoughts fell warmly on the fond memories you had already made there. It had been a few weeks since Rumors in the Night started weekly gigs there. The money was doing you well, but you still took to the streets two or three times a week. It wasn't even really for the money, although a couple extra dollars from passerby was a bonus. What you really loved was the performance, sharing a part of yourself with an indifferent world. If you could bring a smile to the face of just one lonely passerby, you felt you had done good.

You set up in the shadow of a bank, in a small alcove where the walls would push your voice outwards. You sat your donation jar at your feet and unzipped your guitar case, pulling it out and beginning tuning. When everything was set, you began to sing.

"Honey, honey, honey / Who could be sweeter than you / Honey, honey, honey / Bitter sweet, but what can I do." 

You were completely carefree, singing on the streets of Boston. This city was beginning to feel a bit like home, although you knew you wouldn't be here for long. Your eyes were still fixed on LA, on the lights of Hollywood. You longed to see your name in lights, headlining at the Hollywood Palladium. 

"Lord it's been good to talk to you / Even sweeter than wine / Don't take the love light away / Cause I'm far away from home / Daddy, all I'm trying to tell you / Lord, I really love you, love you, love you."

This was a good song to warm up with, medium paced and not too vocally challenging. It sounded better with a full band, though. You would have to ask Fatima if you could put it on the setlist for your gig in the park this weekend.

"Honey, honey, honey, hi / honey, honey, honey hi / honey, honey, honey hi."

You watched a child come up and drop a few coins into your jar and you smiled, leading straight into your next song. You ran through Have You Ever Seen The Rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer, Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac and a couple others you had in your repertoire. You liked to finish up with Thank You for the Music by ABBA, it was a favorite of yours but it took a while to warm up for.

"Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing / Thanks for all the joy they're bringing / Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty / What would life be? / Without a song or a dance what are we? / So I say thank you for the music / For giving it to me."

There was no one around, but you didn't care. This song meant something to you, and you were going to sing it for the world to hear.

"So I say / Thank you for the music, for giving it to me."

As you finished the song, a familiar face appeared in front of you. 

"You take requests?" Frankie asked, a smile tugging at his lips. 

You chuckled, grabbing our water bottle and taking a quick sip. "Yeah, if I know 'em. I was just about to pack up for lunch but one more song won't hurt. For a friend, of course."

"A friend?" he asked, a gleam in his eye.

"An acquaintance. Someone I know. But anyway, hit me."

"Landslide," he said, and you rolled your eyes. "What!? It's my favorite."

"You could pick something a little more original," you teased as you tucked your pick into your pocket and started to pluck the opening of the song. Frankie backed up against the lamp post to your right, settling his arms across his chest.

"I took my love, I took it down / I climbed a mountain and I turned around / and I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills / 'til the landslide brought me down."

The song was well known, and it brought you a small crowd almost immediately.

"Oh mirror in the sky, what is love / can the child within my heart rise above / can I sail through the changing ocean tides / can I handle the seasons of my life," you smiled softly, looking at the faces around you as they stopped to watch. 

"Well I've been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you / but time makes you bolder even / even children get older / and I'm getting older too."

You closed your eyes, letting the music take you over. You lost yourself in the song until it was over and the five or so people around you were clapping quietly and nodding in appreciation. 

"Thank you, thank you," you stooped to place your guitar in its case, watching from the corner of your eye as the onlookers drop a dollar or two into your jar. You looked up when you saw a twenty flutter into the jar, your eyes meeting Frankie's kind gaze.

"No, no I can't-"

"Nonsense," he said, "I liked your music, and you deserve it."

You zipped up your guitar case, taking the bill from the jar and pressing it back into Frankie's hand. "I can't take your money, Frankie."

He chuckled at your persistence. "Alright, alright. You said you were headed to lunch?"

You shrugged, "I was gonna go home, maybe make myself some ramen…"

"On a day like this?" Frankie shook his head, then jerked it to the side, asking for you to follow him. "C'mon, we're getting you some real food."

You huffed out a breathless laugh as you slung your guitar case across your back. "Maybe that's a good idea. I've been living here for nine months and the only restaurant i've ever really been to is the Thai place over on Matthews."

"You can't be serious," his voice was thick with disbelief as he looked back at you. You nodded, confirming your statement was true and he hadn't heard you wrong.  "What about the others, Ezra and them… Are they the same?"

"Ezra's a native Bostonian, but he's not big on restaurants. Julian and Cade both moved here around a year ago and me and Fatima have been here for nine months, we moved together. So we're all pretty new here, except for Ezra." You watched with curious eyes as Frankie waved to a man across the street selling snow cones. He was just so personable, no wonder it felt like you'd known him forever even though it had only been a couple of weeks since you met. He adjusted his gait for a second so you'd fall into place beside him, and for a moment you felt your heart flutter. 

"I'm from Eastern North Carolina, originally-"

"I can hear it, you've got a bit of an accent," there was a twang to some of the words he spoke, something that gave him a bit of a southern gentleman flair. And he was a gentleman, as far as you could tell.

He laughed at that, nodding in agreement. "Folks here say that too. I moved her when I was eighteen but I guess it never really left me."

"You can take the man out of the south-"

"But you can't take the south from the man," Frankie finished. His cheeks were tinted a little pink, a smile falling into place on his lips.

Momentarily, you paused to admire him. "Do you miss home?"

He shrugged, "Yeah, I miss it sometimes. I go back once a year over the summer, to visit my family. My sister and my nephews are still down there, and my mom and dad. But this is my home now, I don't think I'll ever leave."

You found yourself in front of a corner hotdog shop, and Frankie opened the door for you. The place looked like it was straight out of the 60's, checkered tile and all. "This is real food?"

Frankie looked offended as he sat down in one of the booths. "And here I thought you'd appreciate this," he pulled one of the menus out and handed one to you as you slid in across from him. 

You looked over the menu, looking for something that would catch your eye. "What do you suggest," you asked Frankie, laying your menu flat and tucking your feet up under the booth so you wouldn't kick him.

"This." He pointed out a burger, and you had to admit it looked good. "Best burger I've ever had, I swear on everything holy you'll love it."

The waiter came and took your orders, you got the burger Frankie had suggested and a strawberry milkshake to go with it. Afterwards, you found yourself staring off at the Jukebox by the counter. You wondered what they had in there, and if it was automated or authentic.

As if reading your thoughts, Frankie tossed you a quarter. You barely caught it, watching in confusion as he stood. "It's old school, just like everything else in here." You followed him over to the jukebox, and laughed when he pulled out a pair of reading glasses to see the small print of the track listing.

"What are you, fifty?" you teased.

"Watch it," he returned with a playful glare. "I'm paying for your lunch."

"Frankie you don't have to-" you started, but he shook his head.

"I'm paying, end of story. Can't have you thinking I'm not a gentleman." Your eyes fell on the gentle crinkles by his eyes that showed up when he smiled, and you wondered how anyone could mistake him for anything other than a gentleman. But you kept your mouth closed. "Now c'mon, pick a song, Songbird."

* * * * * * * * * * *

That night you found yourself sitting with Fatima, eating ice cream and watching a baking marathon on the food network. But your thoughts weren't on the contestants' lemon meringue pies. You were staring at the wall, your lunch with Frankie running through your head. Your lunch… date? No, that wasn't a date. That was just a lunch between acquaintances. Between friends.

You began to turn to Fatima, but as always she was ahead of you. She had turned down the TV and was already turned towards you, waiting. "He likes you."

You weren't even surprised, Fatima knew you better than anyone else. Of course she knew what you were thinking. "You think so?" you asked, and Fatima glared at you.

"Yes, I know so."

You tucked your knees against your chest, pulling your spoon out of your tub of Ben and Jerry's and chewing on it a little. Frankie was a kind man, you didn't want to read too much into his actions. But still, he had taken you out to lunch. And payed for your meal. And given you a nickname. "He called me songbird," you mused.

"Thats… That's adorable oh my god." Fatima sighed wistfully, eating a spoonful of her ice cream. "You should invite him to the show on Saturday!"

"I did. Well, I really just told him about it. But he said he'd be there. Is Landslide on the setlist?" you asked, and Fatima nodded. "Good. It's his favorite."

"What would you say if he asked you out?"

"I think…" you paused, but there was no need to. "I think I'd say yes."

End.

Permanent Taglist: @poestardust @tinyphantomsalad @thelazyhero-ttums @poe-djarin @djarinsidebitch

Pedro Taglist: @blackmarketmummy @coldlilheart @agentshortstacc

Frankie Taglist: @remmysbounty

sasusaku month 2020

day 04- drink me under

title: Inebriating Love

summary: Modern AU - it’s a lonely, Sunday night and Sakura doesn’t want to spend it alone with her memories.

a/n: I suck at summaries hahaha okay, I LOVED writing this one! I had this idea a while ago when I was listening to an old song and I just had to use that feeling of two lovers in the night with SasuSaku. I’m not sure if it worked the way it was meant to, but I’m happy with the result! I hope you guys enjoy this one, and I also hope you forgive me for my mistakes. My beta is still busy, so all the typos and grammar mistakes are on me. Have fun!

Rated T

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Though Sakura has always considered herself to possesse a wild imagination, her 13-year-old self would’ve never pictured she would eventually grow up to become a regular costumer at the nearby pub. In fact, being the goody two-shoes she used to be, her younger self would’ve laughed at whoever said anything that stupid about the brilliant future that certainly awaited for her.

First, I will graduate high school with the best scores, then I will be a famous doctor. I’ll stay away from any addictions and I’ll marry a wonderful guy so we can have two, wonderful kids before I turn thirty!

She would answer that whenever someone asked her about what she wanted to be when she grew up, and there would be no doubt lingering in her voice regarding it. Sakura had everything planed for herself, and anything slightly different from that scenario would be unacceptable.

Poor, little girl, she thinks now, taking a sip of her double scotch. There’s a smirk decorating her lips as she places the glass back on the wooden counter, and she closes her eyes as the liquor slips down her throat.

It doesn’t burn anymore. Hasn’t burned in ages, in fact. The alcohol now is no stranger to her body, but unfortunately, it’s not as effective as it used to be when she first started coming to this place. She rarely gets drunk anymore, needing many doses to make her pass out, but she doesn’t know if that’s something that a small-town girl should be proud of.

Her life was supposed to have been different. Maybe not exactly like the one she had pictured, but she should’ve been able to do more after she actually managed to become a doctor and work at a prestigious hospital. She believes she has become a successful woman— a strong one, as some of her young patients usually call her— but that alone isn’t enough to protect her from a lonely night.

If it were, perhaps, she wouldn’t be all alone in a pub, drinking her problems away and talking to her only friend in the city, Uchiha Sasuke— the pub-owner.

Tonight, since most of his employees are off duty, he is the one serving his clients their drinks, and right now, he is giving another dose of whiskey to the old man sitting some benches away from her. Her green eyes carefully observe him from her seat as he slowly pours another dose while telling him that, maybe, he’s had enough for the night. There aren't many people drinking on this Sunday night— 4, including her, all of them men around their fifties— and she couldn’t help but feel a bit greedy.

Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe it’s the night itself, but Sakura doesn’t want to share him tonight. She enjoys his company more than she cares to admit, and seeing him so far away makes her rosy lips turn into a pout. He’s the reason why she keeps coming back to this place, and he’s also the only person who makes her feel less shitty about herself— and that says a lot.

At first, the pinkette thought it was just the way he treated all the other costumers, but slowly, she realized that was not the case. He’s a cordial man to everyone, at most, but it’s become easy for her to tell that he actually likes her. He is always sincere whenever he asks her about her day, and more than once has he closed the pub earlier so they could have a drink or two while sharing a pizza. They talk about a lot of things, and she simply loves to hear the weird stories about some weird costumers and their weird stories.

Whenever she hears about these people, a part of her just hopes she’s not just another weird story in his repertoire.

Ever since she arrived in the city and destiny brought them together, he has been there for her, giving her tips on the urban life and even telling her which restaurants she should order food from whenever she didn’t feel like cooking. Eventually, they discovered that they have a lot of similar interests, such as mystery books, horror movies and old, American songs— the kind that would always start playing whenever she came by— and it’s undeniable that they feel comfortable enough around each other to share some personal memories, too.

In the same way he knows about her life before she ended up where she is, Sakura knows about his family. Knows that he has lost them in an accident over 10 years ago, and that he gave up on his layer carrier after that. She also knows about the fan tattoo he has on his right forearm and that he has a snake named Aoda in his small apartment.

He’s a very interesting guy, indeed. He holds an unique and mysterious charm behind his obsidian eyes and stoic features, and even after years of coming and going, the pinkette still feels herself being drawn to him.

How intriguing, she thinks, propping her elbow on the counter. Unconsciously, she rests her chin on the palm of her right hand, squinting her eyes a bit as she continues to stare at him. She notices that he slightly turns his head to spare her a side glance, and instead of looking away when their eyes meet, Sakura holds his stare for a couple of seconds too long until, eventually, he has to break contact in order to pay attention to his other costumer. There’s a sly smirk decorating her face now, and she also notices the way his lips twitch upward.

This is something they do on regular basis, now. She didn’t really notice it, at first, but eventually, Sakura realized that it’s not unusual for their eyes to meet whenever he’s serving another person. It used to be shy and unconscious, but after a while, she started doing it on purpose, just to see what his reaction would be.

It’s a bold move of hers— or, at least, she thinks it is. An unspoken challenge between their eyes, as they tease and expose each other with every exchanged glance. It’s an amusing and harmless flirt, and though they have no idea of how to beat this ruleless game, neither of them seem to be in a hurry to end it or anything like that.

However, losing this game doesn’t seem to be that bad.

Once he finally manages to walk away from the older guy, the Uchiha doesn’t waste his chance to come to her. His steps are slow, but soon, he’s standing across the counter from her. The warm lights that illuminate the bottles behind him highlight his handsome features, and she knows she could just stare at him for hours without stopping.

“Having fun with your other costumers, Sasuke-kun?” She asks, her eyes now holding a joyful gleam.

“You can say so.” He says, simply, organizing some of the glasses and bottles near his reach. “In fact, he’s curious about you.”

“Me?” She furrows her brows.

“Aah. He doesn’t understand what a pretty girl is doing all by herself in a place like this.”

“Well…” She starts, the tip of her tongue smoothing her lower lip. Sakura loves hearing that question whenever she comes by, especially since she doesn’t know the answer herself. Every time, she makes a new excuse and creates a different lie, just to see how people would react to her crazy stories. Tonight, though, she doesn’t really feel very creative. “Tell him it’s just a lonely night playing its tricks.”

“…I see.” He nods, knowing better not to press on her matters. Though he has heard her problems many times before, Sasuke has learned that, on some nights, nothing really can be done. He knows when she needs space and when she needs a shoulder to cry on, and right now, it’s clear that it’s the former. “He's been ordering the same as you, but I don’t think he will be able to stand for too long.”

“It takes years of practice to reach my level, right?”

“Years, right?” His lips curl up slightly at her words, probably remembering the girl she used to be when they first met. On that day, she had ordered a diet coke, and she made him swear at least three times there was no drop of alcohol in her glass before she took a sip. And even if nowadays there are times when she really just comes for her diet coke, she knows he’s a man worthy of her trust.

“Yeah.” She giggles, then, taking the last sip of her drink. “Tell him that befriending the pub-owner does that to you.”

“Oh, so now this is on me?”

“Of course. If you weren’t such a nice guy, perhaps, I wouldn’t be here tonight.”

“Hn.” He closed his eyes, pouring some more in her glass. Though she didn’t really use words to ask him, he already knows how to read her unspoken wishes. “I'm glad I’m a nice guy, then.”

“Very nice, indeed.”

She takes another sip of her new drink, and allows her mind to drift back to the moments they shared. Though she really believes him to be a nice guy, Sakura can’t help but feel a certain heat pooling in her stomach because of the times when he wasn't really that nice.

Her eyes land on his hands— so strong and firm— and she remembers how warm they feel against her bare skin. The way his muscles tense at her touch and the marks he leaves on her hips whenever he pins her against a wall are signs of his hidden roughness, and she bites her lower lip at the memory of his kisses trailing down her neck.

Though that black shirt might make him look composed and recollected, she knows better than to believe that professional facade of his. His intense stare and his dark locks hide more than anyone can tell, and she likes to believe this is their little secret.

It has happened a few times already and even if they say they can’t keep doing this forever, it’s a lot easier said than done. They share a deep connection neither of them really understand, and from time to time, their souls seek for a certain comfort that they can only find within each other.

It’s more than just physical need, they know. It’s more than raging hormones and alcohol, for there’s an intimacy neither of them had counted on when they first started their rendezvous. They’re already past that one-night-stand thing, but to say it’s something more—well, perhaps she’s still too sober to dwell into this.

“You're oddly quiet tonight.” He says, breaking her from her thoughts.

A soft smiles crosses her lips as her fingers start playing with the brim of her glass. She looks down, at first, then her eyes return to him. “I guess I don’t know what to talk about.”

“Anything is fine, I suppose.”

“Uhmm…” She hums, trying to think about what to say. “I guess it would be easier if I was like the others that come here with marriage problems or because they got fired.”

“But you’re not like them, Sakura.” He states, his dark eyes intensely staring at her. Her heart starts pounding faster in her chest, the air feeling too heavy inside her lungs. She feels defenseless under his stare, as if he is stripping her of her good senses, and although she really came by just for a couple of drinks and a nice talk, something inside her urges for more. His sincere concern is probably his most charming feature, and he knows exactly when to use it against her.

Damn it, she really hates him for that.

“Well...” She starts, a teasing smile on her lips. “You would probably know exactly what to tell me, right?"

“It depends a lot, to be honest.”

“How so?”

“If the problem had anything to do with your job, I would probably just tell you to try again since this is the main reason why you came to the city in the first place. Your job is important to you, and even if you complain about it every now and then, we both know you love what you do.”

“This is a very good advice, indeed. Very professional.” She giggles, tilting her head to the side. “And what if it was about marriage problems?”

“In that case, I don’t think I would be able to give you a real advice on that.” He starts, looking around, as if he is checking his surroundings. She can tell he’s mostly messing around, but by the time he leans towards her, she doesn’t miss the way his eyes grow a bit darker. Their faces are bare inches apart, and the smell of his cologne invades her nostrils as he whispers to her. “I don’t think I would be able to remain impartial.”

Her eyes drift to his lips for a second, and it’s as if she can feel his warmth irradiating towards her body. Sakura is very aware that he’s teasing her, and even if she would normally be a bit more cautious with her words around him, right now, she doesn’t really seem to care about extending their little game for the night. “I guess I would be talking to the problem himself, right?”

A smirk grows on his face at her words, and slowly, he returns to his previous position. He’s towering over her now, only the wooden counter standing between their bodies. They don’t move for a couple of seconds, their lustful eyes still too busy flirting with each other to even pay attention to the world around them. And if not for his other costumer calling his name, they would’ve remained like that for who knows how long.

Once their eye contact is broken, she looks down at her drink once more, her lips still holding the memory of a smirk. Seeing how bothered his face seems right now is incredibly amusing, and for that, she decides to forgive that man for interrupting them.

He just wanted his drink, after all.

“Someone’s calling you, mister barman.”

“Tch.” He scoffs. “Don't go anywhere. I’ll be right back”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll be right here with my drink.” She starts, her eyes now sparing his other costumer a side-glance. “But I don’t think our pal over there is gonna last that much longer.”

Sighing defeatedly, the raven haired boy makes his way towards the other guy. He’s speaking louder now, his words coming out with no connection between them. For what she could understand, he was trying to say anything about being an excellent drinker, and that he could drink more than everyone in that pub. He seems completely sure about that, but to no one’s surprise, it doesn’t take long before his head falls face-first on the counter top. At first, both Sasuke and her worry that he might have stopped breathing, but as soon as the Uchiha confirms that the man is just asleep, she relaxes again. Apparently, instead of an ambulance, they believe calling a cab should be just fine.

Her eyes are still looking at Sasuke from afar as he ponders his next options with his sleeping costumer. Judging by his face, the Uchiha seems troubled, and this is enough to make her laugh. It’s an honest laugh, she knows, and she realizes she hasn’t laughed like that for a while now. She rests her head on her left hand this time, and allows herself to appreciate that rare moment of joy in such an awful night.

When she left home that evening, the pinkette could’ve never imagined she would actually be able to laugh at a drunk man, and she believes she has to thank Sasuke for that. Though she knows her problems are still lingering in her mind, haunting her for even daring to show signs of happiness, Sakura is not a woman who willingly chooses to remain unhappy. As long as she can identify a valid way out, she’s always fast to ignore whatever is bothering her, and even if that doesn’t solve anything, at least it works as a coping mechanism.

Sometimes, she thinks, overthinking is just a useless, human reaction. There are times when worrying about something won’t really do anyone no good, and tonight is one of those times.

Sure, she could have chosen to tell him about her childhood best friend who got married in her home town and even the fact that she wasn’t invited for it. She could tell him how those severed ties made her really homesick, and how missing her family makes her remember her grandmother’s harsh words when she first told them she was moving out because of her new job.

Sakura could’ve really told him all that, but what difference would it have made tonight?

Knowing him, Sasuke would probably try to tell her not to let those things get to her, but at least for tonight, it’s already too late. It’s already gotten her— a lot more than she thought it would— and now it’s just too late to fix anything.

Not that she even tried, to begin with.

At the same moment she decided to come by for a couple of drinks, the pinkette had an idea of how her evening would end. She never really planned on getting a different point of view on that matter and she certainly wasn’t looking for any advice on what to do next.

Sakura was just thirsty for a drink or four and some good company. His company, more specifically.

By the time she makes up her mind, the Uchiha has already called that man a cab and the other costumers are also taking their leave. They all pay him for the drinks and the service, and when they’re finally left alone, Sasuke decides that it should be fine if he closes earlier tonight. She’s still sitting on her bench when returns from the now locked door, her glass now almost empty, and her eyes follow him as he starts placing the bottles back on the shelves.

“Do you want some help with anything, Sasuke-kun?” She asks, sincerely.

“Thank you for the offer, but don’t worry. I’ll just organize a couple of things so Naruto can finish everything tomorrow morning.”

“I bet he’s gonna love the surprise.” She chuckles, her mind already imagining the blonde cursing his boss. “You should give him a raise.”

“Not happening.” He denies, firmly.

“Well, I’ve tried.” She shrugs, a smile on her face as she closes her eyes for an instant, her mind drifting back to his other costumer. “I guess that guy still has some training to do if he wants to beat me.”

“He really didn’t know what he was getting himself into.” He nods, wiping the counter top from peanut shells. “Barely he knew you would be drinking him under the table so early.”

“They never do.” She says, proudly, before finishing her drink.

There’s a smirk on his face at her words. Thinking that such a small girl would actually be able to handle so much alcohol without even losing balance really amazes him. “Do you want another drink?”

“Oh, no. I’ve had my share for tonight, thank you, Sasuke-kun.”

“Are you sure? You don’t have to work tomorrow or anything and you didn’t even drink that much tonight.”

“I’m sure.” She says, and it’s as if she can feel her eyes turning a darker shade of green as she looks at his back. Her heart is beating faster now, and she knows she won’t be able to hold an innocent conversation for too long. When he turns to face her, then, she holds his stare for a bit too long, and unconsciously bats her eyelashes. She’s blushing now— just a dust of pink on her cheeks— and she takes a deep breath before her voice comes out almost as a whisper. “I might not be close to drinking myself under, but…as they say, another drink and I’ll be under the host.”

Her eyes are half-closed now as she looks at him, and slowly, she makes a bridge with her fingers that lingers just below her pouting lips. Sakura is very aware of what she’s doing right now, and judging by the way his eyes grow fonder, she can tell he knows it, too. They’re way past subtle advances now, but they know better than to just skip the steps.

A little romance never did anyone no harm, after all.

After they maintain eye-contact for a couple of seconds, the Uchiha is the first to break it, as he clears his throat, causing the smile on her face to widen a bit. Once he finishes what he was doing, he grabs a bottle he keeps under the counter and a clean glass before walking away so he can join her on the other side. He takes a seat next to her, and carefully, he pours them another dose and handles her the previously-empty glass. He’s also holding one, now, and her expression softens as he comes closer.

“Then let’s make it worth it."

Their faces are just inches apart when he says that, and she can’t find words to describe how good this feels. Though it’s far from the relationship she had pictured for herself a long time ago, Sakura believes this is much better than settling for what’s considered to be normal all over the world. Sasuke has brought an adventurous charm into her life, and he has showed her how beautiful the rain is even in the middle of a storm. He’s probably the most simple, yet most intriguing part of her life, and right now, she can’t really imagine herself without him anymore.

He has turned her small and monotonous world upside-down, and made her learn that, sometimes, people can grow thirsty for one another and there’s nothing wrong with that.

They clink their glasses before drinking the liquor, and they giggle a bit to that. His hand is now cupping her face, and his thumb softly brushes her cheek. They don’t need any words to express their feelings now, and when he finally kisses her— so roughly, yet gentle and passionate— it’s like all the alcohol she has consumed during the evening is making her throat burn. Her stomach is on fire, her heart is racing and she’s growing intoxicated by his touch.

Uchiha Sasuke is certainly the strongest and most inebriating thing in her life, and in this big and lonely city, he’s the only one who can quench her thirst.

fin.

Why William Doesn't Deserve Redemption and Why I hate William Apologists

William Afton is a nasty, nasty man. He's creepy, a murderer, an abuser, and over all a very bad person. Let's begin with the obvious, that being the fact he murdered children ages 3-10 or 11 (just an estimation. He might murder children older. We aren't quite sure, though we know he will murder adults as well) at least in the books, he murdered these kids in one of the most gruesome ways possible, that being stuffing them into suits, which he describes as follows;

“And if you trigger those spring locks, two things will happen: first the locks themselves will snap right into you, making deep cuts all over your body, and a split second later, all the animatronic parts, all that sharp steel and hard plastic will instantly be driven into your body. You will die, but it will be slow."

Mind you, this is a shortened version of the quote, cutting out the part where he talks about drowning your lungs in your own blood and that you feel every last piece pierce your organs. Even if he didn't shove them into springlock suits and just regular suits for them to suffocate, that's still fucked right up. Or let's say he did have more variety in how he killed these kids. Knowing what we know from the books about him, it still probably wouldn't be very quick since while he's killing that police officer (I forget his name) in the Silver Eyes, he breaks his arm and throws him against a wall before suffocating him. Suffocation isn't exactly my ideal way to go.

If just murdering them wasn't enough, he damns these kids to 30+ as animatronics and he makes it very clear he is aware of this. This takes an obvious toll on these kids, filling them with nothing but hatred and anger, wich mind you, is very well founded and it pisses me off when people invalidate them with "Well they did the same thing" I will admit that they have done fucked up shit and should not be immediately excused but they did not kill without reason. Put yourselves in their shoes. They can't remember their names, what they looked like, or even their own voice. All they are now are these animatronics who once brought them joy. Perhaps that's why characters like Cassidy and the Puppet have so much more pure hatred and ill will towards William. They remember who they were and their lives before this. The thought of their families missing them, friends mourning them, and the fact that they'll probably never made it any further than grade school haunts them. It torments them for ever second they're forced to keep going. Wich is why it pisses me off when these characters get shipped with William/Springtrap. Not only is it pedophillia, it also has 0 chance of turning out anything but abusive on both ends.

Back to William, he doesn't feel a shred of guilt for these actions. The only reason he would care is when it costs him his own children, wich segways into my next point.

William is an abusive parent, and yes, neglect is a form of abuse. Let's start with Elizabeth since we arguably know the most about her. William ignores her to focus on Baby, which causes Elizabeth to be jealous and desperate for her father's attention and judging by what she does later on in life to obtain that, imagine what she could've done while she was alive to get him to notice her. She was absolutely 100% ready to kill her brother for the second time just to make William proud even though she has the mental capacity of a fucking six year old, not to mention that she was definitely responsible for at least a few of the in game lawsuits. The fact that her dad couldn't give like, three minutes out of his day to spend time with and show love to his daughter and that he seemingly was more in love with a robot to the point where it literally drove her fucking bat shit insane, should be enough said but then I remember that Lizzy isn't an only child.

The crying child, Chris, Kenny, Calvin, whatever you call him, seems to suffer the same neglect as Elizabeth. William doesn't seem to notice, or perhaps just doesn't care, that his brother is tormenting him. Hell, William is IN the restaurant on the kid's birthday and is too focused on work to intervene when his brother shoves him into Fredbear and he believes that Fredbear "ate him" further showing that William is insane and possibly just a bit stupid regarding anything but robotics.

And whether or not you believe Mike is the crying child or the bully, this still applies and thus is not very relevant to the conversation but Mike went through some rough treatment none the less. He got sent on a suicide mission to save Elizabeth and got stuck with his dad's dirty work. I admittedly don't know much about Mike so I'll stop there before I make a fool of myself.

I wouldn't be so angry about this if people didn't say shit like "The kids should at least try to get to know him before killing him" or "He's just saaad" I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. He killed these kids and knowingly let them suffer. Susie was grieving, vulnerable, and like six years old. Afton took advantage of that to lead her off. Imagine how happy she was to think her puppy wasn't dead and was waiting for her in that back room. Should she have known better? Probably but kids aren't the smartest creatures on this planet. Charlotte was a smiley happy little girl. She got locked outside and was probably scared half to death. William could have very easily targeted her.

That's why I hate William Apologists. They don't seem to understand that William doesn't care about what he's done. He's not sorry and he probably never will be. They're the reason why I found it so satisfying when Cassidy trapped him forever in Hell. To see a character respond with such feral rage and pure intent to put him in the ground helps to cleanse my soul of years of arguing with people about Willy A.

In conclusion, this kinda reminds me of the true crime community and it hurts. Please stop defending this man. I get feeling sorry for him but excusing his actions is such a shitty way to totally disregard the people he hurt. If you must write a William redemption ark, remember, ten years for every murder is the only valid thing to do at this point.

how I lost 20 lbs in 2 months

Disclaimer: This is what worked for me! I’m obviously not a dietician or fitness instructor. Attempt all of this at your own risk.

Do you feel like you’re doomed to weigh the same forever? Do you feel out of control while eating sometimes? Do you want to cry when looking in the mirror? I felt the exact same way before developing healthy eating habits and an exercise routine over the summer. I’m 5′7 and weighed 136 lbs from the time I was like 10 all the way up to 17. I got a job at a shitty fast food restaurant in high school, stopped playing sports and got all the way up to 190. Went to college, got slightly more active, and stayed at 185ish for about 4 years. 

I started this being not active whatsoever and ate whatever was around. Now I’m 160 - only another 10 lbs from my goal weight. I took about a two month break of actively trying to lose weight due to school starting up again (final semester of college thank god) but I’m heading back to the gym tomorrow to start it up again.

So basically I’m gonna drop what I ate a variation of every single day and my exercise routine and some tips. 

Part I - Food

Food will make or break a healthy lifestyle. One unhealthy meal won’t make you fat, but one healthy meal won’t make you skinny. The key is to have accessible meals that are small and packed with good nutrition to keep you as full as possible. The days where you’ll have the most difficulty with this are days when you’ll forget your breakfast/lunch at home. 

Examples of breakfast...

(1) Jimmy Dean Egg Delights English Muffin - this was a favorite because it’s made with whole grains, turkey sausage and egg whites. These are all healthy and yummy alternatives to fatty regular sausage and unhealthy white bread. 250 calories.

(2) Scrambled eggs and (1) piece of wheat toast - This is what I would buy at work if I forgot my lunch at home. Still nutritional and delicious, but not ideal because of yolks. Also, where’s the fruit? About 260 calories.

(1/2) cup of oatmeal with (1 thicc) tbsp of peanut butter, along with cinnamon and blueberries - Oh man I ate this one for the longest time! The key to eating peanut butter is to stop eating brands like JIF or Skippy. They’re loaded with all kinds of sugar and other ingredients you don’t need. Find peanutbutter (or your favorite nut butter) that has only 2 ingredients: nuts and water. You won’t miss the sugar and it’s way better for you! I gravitated towards Smucker’s Natural Creamy Peanut Butter because it’s less than $4, even though it had some salt in the ingredients as well. About 260 calories.

(1) boiled egg, (1) plum, and (1) oatmeal cookie - Not my favorite to do because it involved baking oatmeal cookies and I am lazy. The oatmeal cookie recipe was basically wheat flour, applesauce, coconut sugar, cinnamon, almond milk, olive oil and baking powder. The whole batch lasted about a week. About 190 calories.

I typically ate breakfast at 9 a.m. every weekday. Every breakfast was accompanied by a big, hot coffee with half and half, or if I was at home, my favorite Nut Pods Original creamer. Coffee is an appetite suppressant and aids with helping someone focus, so drinking that in the morning with a relatively low calorie breakfast was a great way to start the day and help me focus on work until lunch time. I usually get hungry at around 1 - 2 and bust out my lunch. 

Examples of lunch...

(2) pieces of wheat bread with a handful of spinach leaves, 2 pieces of ham, mustard and a cup of unsweetened applesauce on the side. Have water or sparkling water on the side. Easy to make when running out the door because you overslept. About 400 calories.

(2) pieces of sunflower seed bread, (2) pieces of ham, (1) piece of swiss cheese, (1) low fat Babybel Spreadable cheese, handful of cherries. I ate this the longest because it made me feel like a faerie eating various fruits and cheeses with bread in the woods when I was actually sitting in a cubicle. About 350 calories.

After lunch I would stay at work til 5:30/6, then head to the gym and work out. I’ll cover my (simple) workout routine next but I’m going to skip to dinner for now.

Examples of dinner...

Eggroll in a bowl with ground turkey or tofu instead of ground pork/beef is heavenly and guilt-free

Sopa is a Mexican dish my boyfriend’s dad makes pretty often so I decided to take a crack at it. You can truly make this dish however you like it. I added diced chicken, whole wheat pasta spirals, and tons more spices and veggies than the recipe linked did. This stuff is amazing and lasted me like 2 weeks. 

Veggie spaghetti. Heavily inspired by Sarah Hawkinson’s famous spaghetti. I recommend watching her video and adding any types of veggies you think would be best. My tip for staying health-conscious when making spaghetti is to boil a little bit of pasta every meal so I’m not tempted to eat a ton of the protein pasta. 

Rotisserie chicken and fruit. Like I said, I’m extremely lazy and some days after working out I just wanna inhale protein and carbs. 

Bag of popcorn. Not recommended but sometimes the laziness surpasses “rotisserie chicken and fruit” lazy. Orville Redenbacker’s Naturals Lightly Salted popcorn is where it’s at.

Most of my days would end anywhere from 800 - 1000 calories. Coupled with my exercise routine, I was well below my recommended calorie intake. I had tried to stick to the recommended calories for someone my height in the past with no success. This is what worked for me. 

General tips on food...

Only drink unsweetened drinks like water, unsweet tea and sparkling flavored water. Don’t use a lot of sugar in coffee, and make it dairy free if possible. I know I feel like a whale after ingesting dairy and I’m not even lactose intolerant.

Are you on your period and need chocolate asap? Unsweetened dark chocolate bars (70% cacao) and chocolate Halo Top (320 cal for the whole pint - worth it once a month if you’re dying) are your best friends.

If you’re going drinking with friends avoid sweetened drinks like margaritas or heavy drinks like beer. Stick with vodka sodas.

My only snacks were popcorn and fruit and even then I didn’t eat them that much. Get out of the habit of snacking, as well as eating big meals.’

On the weekends I would stray from the meals listed above a little! I would eat the same breakfast, camp out at a cafe and read for about 6 hours and have a lunch of a big mocha latte and 2 macarons, then have a small bowl of pho for dinner. Replacing a good lunch with coffee isn’t ideal, but I made sure not to overeat during dinner time to make up for it! Portion sizes is such a huge thing to be mindful of. Always get a smaller portion than you think you will want, focus on the taste of the food and how your body feels, and you’ll be sure to not overeat. Be content, not full.

Part II - Exercise

I initially started working out because I don’t want to get into the habit so many people have of going to work in an office all day then go home and sitting some more. This was partially easy to do because I worked in an office that had a fully furnished gym so it was easy to just move from the office to the gym at 6 p.m. 

I have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) so I workout to keep that in check, as well. I’ve found that making my body so exhausted it can’t literally vibrate in anxiety is a good way to make life bearable. 

So here’s the machine’s I use...

Manual treadmill - my absolute FAVORITE machine of all time. Relatively new technology, and absurdly expensive to purchase for a home gym. (They’re like $5k!) The gym had a few and you burn soooo many more calories on this machine versus a traditional electric treadmill, and it doesn’t make my knees ache the way a treadmill does. Be prepared for your calves to burn like Hades for the first few weeks if you take on my exercise schedule.

Elliptical - nothing makes me sweat like a pig more than the elliptical with a cranked up resistance. I always make sure to alternate between propelling myself forward with my arms and my legs to ensure I’m getting a tough workout in.

Stationary bike - the one where you can lean back and pedal away while reading a book. There’s nothing like finishing a stressful day at work, listening to some Stellamara and reading a good book while exercising. This is my favorite machine for non-exercise reasons because I can read for hours and justify it because it’s healthy.

Aaaand that’s about it. I hear conflicting arguments of how weight lifting is better for you and you burn more weight and blah blah blah but I just prefer cardio and these machines worked for me really well.

Here’s what my typical exercise schedule looked like...

Day 1

2 mi on manual treadmill

2 mi on elliptical

Day 2

2 mi on manual treadmill

∞ mi on stationary bike (I don’t keep track because I’m reading but it’s usually upward of 7)

And alternate through every weekday. On average I would burn 500 - 700 calories per day. 

General tips for fitness...

Find something that you can seamlessly incorporate into your daily routine. The goal of working out should, in part, be about incorporating a healthier lifestyle. Working out shouldn’t trigger and “Ugh I gotta workout I guess” mentality because you’re basically guaranteeing yourself to fail later on, especially if the only person motivating you to workout is yourself. Tell yourself, “I went to [school, work, other mandatory activity], now I’m going to go workout because that is my schedule.” and stick to it. Before you know it your body will be craving exercise and the schedule will be easier to maintain than ever. 

Listen to your body if something hurts. Treadmills hurt my knees, ankles and hips a ton. That’s one of the main reasons I switched to the manual treadmill. 

You don’t need to buy a new wardrobe to workout in, but find clothes that are suitable for the activity you’re doing. Since I only do cardio, I stick to leggings, a fitted tank top and Nikes made specifically for running. Footwear is extremely important when working out! 

Find something that drives you to work out. For me, sure working out is fun, but it’s mainly my excuse to read. I feel so guilty when I read - I feel like I should be cleaning, doing homework, hanging out with my boyfriend, etc. But when I work out the world goes away and I can finally enjoy the story guilt free. Maybe you feel that way about watching shows or listening to podcasts - give it a try! Your brain will associate the two activities and it’ll help you not only crave exercise, but you have an excuse to enjoy the activity as well.

The most important tip I can offer throughout all of this is to not weigh yourself for the first month or so. Weighing myself constantly was always my downfall when I tried dieting and exercising before. I’d either get impatient and give up, or get complacent and tell myself I could skip the gym or eat poorly because I saw results. Give yourself a solid four weeks to put in the time and sweat five times a week and completely change your eating habits. Your body will grow stronger and you’ll feel yourself grow more confident. You’ll have done such an amazing job that when you step on the scale at the end of the month you’ll never want to go back to your old way of living again.

Remember that weight loss is a journey and everybody goes at their own pace. Not eating/regurgitating food/binging isn’t the way to achieve your goal body long-term. Developing a healthy way of eating and a manageable exercise goal is - and if I can do it, I know you can too :)

Tony Stark Bingo Party Prompt Meme

http://generatorland.com/usergenerator.aspx?id=25057 -- we took tags from this random generator and then made up more detailed prompts from them. These prompts are open use, even if you’re not participating in the bingo, but please tag us if you write one, we’d LOVE to see what you did with it! nonsense + everyone is gay + denial : Tony+harem - Tony, while an incorrigible flirt, does not believe that anyone actually likes him, let alone as many as do. They come up with increasingly ridiculous ideas to ask him out or at least let him know they like him, while he innocently thinks they're all just such awesome friends superpowers + bodice-ripper + sad Stuckony - something set in the Regency(ish) era but with secret superpowers as an added bonus. Let’s of angst over trying to hide their secret powers, and wanting to save people without revealing themselves and also cause they’re gay. clones + nighttime + wishes Coulson/Strange (StrangeAgent? AgentStrange? DrAgent?) - Coulson ends up spending the night in the NY Sanctum. Some of the artifacts happen to be particularly sensitive to subconscious fantasies... and isn't it lucky that cloning himself happens to be one of Strange's powers? cruising + flashbacks + bad boys Winteriron possible future Stuckony - small warning for drinking mention - Tony is driving around to distract himself so he doesn't get drunk. He gets in an accident because he is not actually in a state to drive. The accident is comparatively harmless, the flashback to his convoy being attacked in Afghanistan is less so. When Tony wakes up in the hospital he learns that the person who dragged him from his car to safety is one James "Bucky" Barnes, resident motorbike riding bad boy heartthrob and friend/visitor of Steve "regular ER customer" Rogers, who's his hospital roommate. room service + lifeguards + sharing Tony is a lifeguard who takes his job very seriously. He's attending a convention-slash-training seminar at a posh uptown hotel, but then there's a knock at the door. He opens it to find two room service carts, both with order slips on them that indicate they're actually destined for another room. Rather than call the obviously harried and beleaguered bellboy back, he pushes them down the hall himself and knocks on the door... which is answered by none other than the hot beefcake fellow-lifeguard that's been distracting Tony all day. They end up sharing the enormous amount of food... and then maybe some more. :wink: overthinking + pity sex + customer service Tony just turned 40, he's been friends with Bucky and Nat for forever, and they'd been each other's marriage backups for the longest time, like, if they weren't married at 40, they'd marry whoever wasn't married either in their little trio. Only, two years prior, Buckynat became husband and wife and so he's having a little pity party on his floor at the Tower, drinking virgin mojitos and seriously consider a particular customer service to cheer himself up in one way or another - might as well get an orgasm, as shitty and sad as it may be, it's his birthday ffs - but then Bucky and Nat appear in his elevator, and they pull him off the couch he's been sprawled on for three hours, and Nat is the first to kiss him, and he's too stunned to react much but when he does question wtf is happening, Bucky shushes him and Tony lets him. The next morning he is evidently convinced it was all just pity sex, or a kink of theirs or whatever.... certainly nothing to do with the fact that they've been courting him forever and got tired of waiting for him to step out of ObliviousStarklandia. Of course not. wolves + romantic friendship + wigs Okay, so, someone has been doing an excellent job of hiding his baldness from someone else, with whom he's been in a long term best-friends-but-in-love not-quite-relationship. He's got an elaborate series of wigs, and over the years he's gradually been replacing them with slightly more grey ones so that someone else doesn't realise. Aaaand then someone gets bitten by a werewolf, and when he shifts for the first time he is completely bald and the secret is out. accidental relationship + butt dialing + warlocks Tony Stark is not happy with today's mission, not like there's an occasion to enjoy dealing with magic. But now he's in a relationship with Bucky, which is not bad, that man is gorgeous, but this is not the way. He's ranting about it to Jarvis and doesn't realize that he sat on his phone nor that he dialed the other supersoldier in the team until he hears a muffled laugh beneath him. He's going to kill that warlock smuggling + fear + road-trip okay, a Star Wars AU. Farmboy Peter is fleeing from stormtroopers who found out his parents were Jedi. He runs into smuggler Tony and they take off in Tony's ship for an extended road trip in space. possession + loving marriage + gardens & gardening Pepperony, Morgan insists there's a spirit possessing the garden because she's seen the plants dancing. Turns out they've accidentally created sentient plants and Tony is like nope, call somebody else, I do mechanical engineering and they call Dr. Cho to fix it. The marriage is in there somewhere I promise  idiots in love + bonding + resurrection Ironhawk - Clint tries to get Lucky back after he goes over the rainbow bridge, but he can’t actually read latin and ends up bringing back Tony from the 18th century.  And poor Tony gets Clint as his guide to the 21st.  Shenanigans and eventual fluffy ending improv + cultural appropriation + shield maidens After the Battle of New York, Tony's interviewing Thor about Asguardian tech and learns that they have all kinds of shielding devices, and gets interested in trying to replicate what Thor describes just in case aliens decide to pay a call on Earth again. Thor, for his part, is kinda shocked that Earth doesn't have any such shields, though on the other hand it is Midguard, so. You know. Tony gives it a shot and a couple weeks later he's launching the satellites into orbit for a preliminary test of the shields. He intends to test them with SI tech developed from seized Chitauri tech, but before he can get the chance an alien army shows up, guns blazing and very mad about something. The shields hold, thankfully, and the aliens send a strongly worded letter informing him that he has infringed upon their religious and cultural traditions by putting the Stark logo on them. Their planet was visited centuries ago by time-travelers that greatly influenced their culture, religion, government, etc. These time travelers carried devices with that same Stark Logo on them. The Stark Logo has become a complex cultural symbol over the centuries, and they don't appreciate him using it on war tech, even if on shields. Eventually, they figure out that the time travelers' tech was Tony's tech, and agree to leave in peace, but only after Tony spends a terrifying couple of days trying to improvise his way through a diplomatic disaster with an alien power. vampire family + slapstick + loss WinterIronWidow: So, Natasha's been a vampire for a long time, and she's lonely, so she decides to take on some mates, enter established relationship WinterIron. She vampirises them, which leads to Tony having fits about GARLIC and my god, I'm ITALIAN, you horrible woman!  And Bucky's like "I'm... CATHOLIC?? OM-- I can't even say G-- now??" awkwardness + chatting & messaging + shyness Tony doesn't understand why everytime Bucky comes into the lab, Dum-E tends to drop whatever he's holding and go hide in his charging station. Dum-E's always a bit clumsy and silly but this is more than usual and Tony's worried that Dum-E doesn't like Bucky or something like that. Anyway after much discussion, with JARVIS as translator and go-between, it turns out that Dum-E has developed a bit of a crush on Bucky's fancy robotic arm. Which ends up of course being a hilarious & awkward situation for all involved. candles + explosions + blind date tony gets bullied by pepper to go on a blind date to get out of his funk, she insists that this Matt Murdock character is the perfect date and Tony will like him. reluctantly tony goes to fancy restaurant and meets Matt Murdock and they hit it off instantly the little snarky assholes. they have a nice dinner by candle light and it's all going so well up until dessert when they order some kind of chocolate lava cake which was tragically not cooked properly and ends up exploding on both of them and bam they fall in love and live happily ever after skeleton puns + reincarnation + deus ex machina A snap, that was all it took to snuff out something so bright amidst the rubble of what was once New York City, and, with Tony gone for good, the living seem rather, well…dead. Until, one day, someone they all thought long dead returned to them, a blue cube glowing in his grip and a sweet promise of a new beginning dripping from his lips. But of course, no new beginning comes without a price laundry + tenderness + dialogue “I hate laundry,” Morgan declared after trying to refold her sweatshirt for the seventh time. “Me too kiddo,” Tony whispered back, sneaking a glance over his shoulder to Pepper who was putting clothes into the wash. “But that’s why we do it together. It gets done and we don't have to do it alone.” world domination + paranoia + everything hurts Tony knew what was coming, he knew. He’d seen the future and he knew. The Kree were coming - why would no one believe him? Not his husband, not the team, not even his own son. He kept convincing them they had to suit up and defend the planet and Steve and Peter kept telling him that a engineering professor from Cal Tech can’t do that, that this suit he talks about is only in his delusions. But he’s not paranoid. Or crazy. Or any of those other words. He is Iron Man. He just has to convince everyone else. feels + useless lesbians + Santa's workshop Toni doesn’t think anyone could accuse her of overflowing with Christmas spirit. That hasn’t stopped the rest of the Avengers from turning the “festive cheer” dial up to eleven, and Toni thinks she might just have to spend the whole next month hiding in her workshop. (Hey, she let DUM-E wear a Santa hat – that has to count for something.) Too bad Jamie Barnes – cyborg superassassin extraordinaire, Captain America’s best friend, and Toni’s big gay crush – has gotten the exact same idea. Now the rest of the team thinks they’ve got a “thing,” and Toni can’t decide which is worse: putting up with the Avengers’ not-so-subtle attempts at matchmaking, or spending all her time with the woman she loves and who she is absolutely, 100%, totally certain doesn’t reciprocate. Getting through this holiday season without having her heart broken might just take… a Christmas miracle. shapeshifting + secret organizations + nurses “C. Barton - Orderly.”  That’s what his tag said.  But only a very few people knew exactly what kind of hospital Saint Natalis actually was, and just how busy they could be during the full moon. kissing games + pirates + book stores Tony always thought that the shop had a mind of its own. The books were one thing, whispering their secrets to patrons who managed to find their way to it. Jarvis always did warn him not to touch any of the artifacts. The "DO NOT TOUCH" signs plastered all over the crates. So maybe it was his fault that he managed to summon 'Buccaneer Barnes' after touching the shiny pirate sword. "Let's play a game. If you win, I'll help you put all those runaway monsters that jumped out of the books. If I win, you owe me a kiss. Whatdaya say Stark?"

can i get some seulrene angst please

delicious yes i got u (fair warning this is pre long!!!)  …

seulrene meet in their university library

irene is sitting alone at her regular table, trying and failing to study for her advanced statistics test

in the middle of daydreaming about dropping out, seulgi turns up asking if she can sit at irenes table bc everywhere else is full

irene blinks and stares dumbly bc seulgi is lowkey the most adorable human being she has ever seen (the sweater paws are doing something to her heart)

and irene is distracted because seulgi is watching her lecture, knees pulled to her chest, elbows propping her head up, the tips of her fingers peaking out from her sleeves. irene feels her stomach flip uncomfortably

seulgi comes to her table again the next day and the day after that and at the end of the fourth time they sit together, seulgi starts leaving irene little snacks and finally introduces herself after realising she doesnt actually know irenes name

eventually they hang out outside of the library and realise they have mutual friends (seulgi with wendy and irene with yeri; and yeri and wendy with each other)

one day their whole group was meant to hang out but literally everyone bailed citing “personal emergencies” but seulrene didn’t realise this until theyre sitting in a cafe just the two of them

and it’s awkward at first but irene makes a joke about their friends being dumb and they go into this whole tangent of stories about their lives and they look at the time and they might as well get dinner since it’s late and they still wanna continue their conversation

irenes never met a person who could make her scream laugh so loud that people start staring

irenes regular table at the library becomes irene and seulgi’s regular table at the library and somewhere between that day in the cafe and right now, thursday afternoon approximately 3:43pm, does irene realise she has the biggest fattest crush on seulgi

and so she remembers seulgi’s fav snacks, remembers when seulgi’s tests are and helps her study for them, remembers her favourite movies and exhibitions she wants to see, remembers where she always loses her keys and has a sixth sense for when seulgi’s about to trip over her feet

and seulgi for all her clumsiness has a knack for understanding irene’s cold front and chips away at it, and it’s too late for irene to realise that seulgi has crawled her way into her heart and taken up permanent residence there

(she thinks she doesnt mind it)

seulgi runs off to the bathroom for a second and the open notebook catches her eye and irene finds herself picking it up to look at it more closely and it’s a drawing of her, looking otherworldly, almost unreal and irene is shookt. the book slips out of her hands and it lands on another page and it’s irene sipping some coffee, she flips the page and it’s of irene taking a nap, flips the page and it’s irene laughing - the notebook is snatched out of her hands unexpectedly and irene looks up to seulgi is standing there red-faced, stammering, apologetic and horrified but at the same time shes trying to be stern like “you cant just look at peoples things without permission! !!!1!” but irene is just like “this is how you see me?” and it’s a soft™ moment and seulgi has developed foot in mouth syndrome and is like “well yeah! u kind of mean everything 2 me u absolute dumbass !!!”

they start dating - to absolutely no ones surprise

their first kiss is in the middle of a lowkey night, theyre watching movies on irenes laptop in her dorm and sharing a blanket - tbh irene stopped watching the movie about 20 mins ago in place of studying seulgi’s side profile in wonder, her fingers twitching trying not to brush the strand of hair away from seulgi’s forehead. she settles for arranging the blanket more securely around seulgi’s shoulders just in case shes cold, you know? seulgi’s watching her the whole time and when irene looks up, seulgi’s eyes are just sparkly with fond affection and maybe love? but that thought is quickly cut off when seulgi presses her lips to irenes, so softly and gently and carefully that irene feels tears prick the corners of her eyes, she feels like shes going to break

but after that theres so many kisses. kisses in the library, forehead kisses, kisses before class, after class, any time in between; did well on a test? a kiss! did really badly on a test? a kiss!! maybe even an extra one! courtyard kisses, kisses in irenes dorm, in seulgi’s dorm, kisses at breakfast, lunch and dinner, just so many kisses!!

it’s a quiet sunday and seulgi and irene are redoing irenes dorm because seulgi scuffed the wall so badly it needs repainting and why not make a day of it? so here irene is, painting the wall, where it meets the floor bc her gf is clumsy but she is adorable and irene is in love, she thinks she’ll remember this day when theyre old and wrinkly and married

irene notices seulgi pulling away, distancing herself, acting weirdly guilty about something? irene thinks maybe shes done something wrong? is seulgi getting tired of her? tired of the relationship? it goes on for awhile and theres a heavy tension between them so thick, it’s almost tangible. and then one day when seulgi’s bailed on another date, irene shuts down. doesn’t know what to think. maybe seulgi doesnt love her anymore? maybe shes bored? irene knows that sometimes she can be really heavy handed with her affection but ever since seulgi’s pulled away, irene figured that maybe she wants space

seulgi turns up at irenes dorm, uninvited. irene swings the door open to find her gf looking equal parts sheepish and guilty. but shes holding a bag of food from irenes favourite restaurant, irene lets her in.

seulgi explains, hand rubbing the back of her neck, that when she gets into a funk, she just needs to go off and think on her own and is apologising for shutting irene out. irene is quick to forgive her. but as the night goes on, it’s clear that seulgi is feeling guilty for some other reason and when asked, seulgi just. she looks so sad

“a few weeks before we met, i applied for this arts school and i got a letter about 2 weeks ago saying that i got in. it’s really competitive and they only have a few spots available for international students and I didn’t think I’d even get in and I forgot but i got in. I got in,” seulgi whispers. almost as if, any louder and the words would be real.

“did u think i was going to beg you to stay here or something?” irene asks, softly. seulgi frowns deeply.

“no. i knew you were gonna tell me to go. but i don’t want to go. i want to be here with you,” seulgi tells her, desperately, voice cracking.

“u huge idiot, do u think that i wouldnt wait for u??? i would wait forever u huge dumbass!!!!”

the evening takes an obvious downturn. but they try not to notice. the next few weeks are seulrene trying to spend as much time together as possible. irene is trying her best to memorise what seulgi feels like in her arms; how she breathes when she’s asleep; the noises she makes when irene is pinning her to the sheets, marking her neck purple with bruises; how seulgi looks like shes close to tears when irenes made her laugh so hard that she snorts; the little fond sighs seulgi sends irenes way when she catches her staring over their morning coffee; how small she looks in an oversized sweater with the sleeves engulfing her hands completely; the way seulgi’s hands feel, fingers threaded through hers; how she likes to kiss irenes shoulder when theyre in bed; how for some reason when seulgi eats chewing with her mouth open it’s adorable instead of disgusting; and how irene is constantly brushing crumbs off seulgi’s clothes. irene tries her best to remember the slip of seulgi’s spine; the way she looks fully sated and satisfied; how seulgi’s eyes, dark and wide, always regard her with warm, open affection; how they can lay side by side in bed saying nothing for hours but irene doesnt need to hear words to know what seulgi’s feeling

but irene knows it isnt enough

because 2 weeks later, seulgi’s on a plane to paris with irenes heart in her hands and the kiss they share in the airport feels bitterly like a final goodbye

seulgi lands and sends irene photos of her food and the buildings and the friends she’s already made. and irene smiles wistfully

they facetime, and send each other texts every few hours, and schedule “dates” but the distance is so palpable that irene feels her heart ache something new whenever she sees seulgi’s red-rimmed eyes, yawning while sipping on a huge mug of coffee

“we should break up,” irene says. she can feel her heart crack at her own words, the tears visible on seulgi’s lashes even through the shitty facetime quality

“w-why?” seulgi sniffs

“because this isn’t working for us, this distance is going to ruin us completely,” irene finds herself saying, voice wooden and stiff. and she knows shes right because she knows seulgi’s grades arent as good as they could be and irene has failed a test and an assignment already

“wait for me,” seulgi is begging and irene is nodding her head frantically, promising tearfully over and over again that she would wait forever if she had to

so they break up that tuesday night, seulgi in paris and irene in korea. this has to be the worst facetime she’s ever had in her whole life.  

it hurts like nothing shes ever imagined, irene thinks shes never cried this much in her life. and she thinks shes doing well but she catches a whiff of seulgi’s perfume on her hoodie one day and it starts a fresh wave of gut-wrenching tears and her heart cracks into tiny, little pieces all over again

they don’t speak for literal years

but irene knows seulgi’s doing pretty well; she’s already held a few exhibitions, according to wendy. irenes graduated and doing okay for herself at a nice cushy job

wendy didn’t tell her that seulgi was back in korea though, but irene is pretty sure seulgi is back because she would recognise that laugh and perfume anywhere

seulgi turns around and her eyes finds irenes and seulgi is making a beeline towards her. irenes pulse is jumping erratically

“hey irene, it’s been awhile,” seulgi says, giving her a warm look. she looks older. more mature. holds herself like she knows shes grown up. but, irene thinks, fondly, painfully, her voice is exactly the same. wraps irenes name in her mouth exactly the same as she did 6 years ago

“hey,” irene replies, with a smile of her own.

“i want to introduce you to someone,”seulgi says, a grin turning up her face, and beckons a tall, intimidatingly beautiful woman over, “this is sooyoung,” seulgi’s smile grows even brighter and irene feels her heart plummet, connecting the dots, “my fiancee.”

“o-oh, it’s very nice to meet you,” irene is saying, trying her best to sound sincere but she sounds so monotone and robotic and wooden, her throat is closing up and her heart has almost stopped completely, and she has to leave before she starts crying all over seulgi again

so maybe seulgi moved on without telling irene

and maybe irene never moved on. and maybe irene had always waited around for seulgi

maybe waiting forever wasn’t a good idea after all, irene thinks wryly, sitting in her apartment alone, uselessly wiping hot tears from her face that don’t seem to stop no matter how much she tries

irenes not sure how, but it hurts more than that night 6 years ago and shes never felt a pain so profound that it goes all the way to her bones; shes sitting on the floor crying and she feels so ridiculous for thinking this but shes looking at the spot where the wall meets the floor and she realises she didn’t paint it very well

Day 4: bad decisions

➜  The one where Katara (might) be in love with the campus drug dealer.

“So why won’t you go out with me? Is it because I’m a drug dealer?” Zuko’s mad, twisting the rings on his fingers while impatiently waiting on her answer.

“Not exactly,” Katara quips, averting her eyes from his fiery gaze. “It’s mainly because you don’t tip when we go out to eat.”

➜ Genre: Modern!AU, humor, teeny bit of angst, DrugDealer!Zuko 

➜ Words: 5.3k

➜ Warnings: I love DrugDealer!Zuko more than I love myself 😩

AO3, Zutara Month Playlist, @zutaramonth​ hi i love u! 

➜ Notes: hehe listen to “Bad Decisions” by Miss Ari! life changing! 

“Zuko’s dead? ” Katara nearly screams into the phone. She pulls on one of his hoodies and is scrambling to find her slides and keys.

Toph sighs. “We all knew this would happen. The sky’s blue, Beyonce needs to stop forcing her boyfriend on us. Basic facts. Get it together , Katara.”

“Toph, how does your disdain for Jay-Z make it into every conversation you have?” Suki wearily states. “All we know is that a dealer got shot near the frats today. So in conclusion, Zuko’s dead.”

“Donezo.”

“Bitch is gone .”

“God bless his beautiful ass.”

“A moment of silence for his fake Chanel blouses.”

Katara does her breathing exercises. “ Enough .” She hears a knock at the door, and immediately grabs her expandable baton. “Oh my god , someone’s at the door.” She whips out the baton to its full length.

Toph gasps. “Bitch, it’s 2 in the fucking morning. Are we getting a two for one deal tonight?”

Suki cheers. “I call dibs on her Fenty highlighters.”

“Oh hell fucking no ! You do not have the range for Trophy Wife, whore!” Toph shouts right into the microphone. Katara winces, and takes out an Airpod. She’s heaving, nervous at who could be at the door. Toph and Suki were trying to negotiate with each other on who was getting Katara’s brand new Hydrating Foundation when she takes an experimental glance out the peephole. Her gasp reverberates through the phone.

“She’s died, Suki! She’s died!” Toph wails, her screams nearly unintelligible.

“ Zuko? ” Katara screeches at the top of her lungs, launching herself at him so violently her other Airpod pops out.

He chuckles when she locks her legs around his waist, his arms coming out to support her from underneath her ass. It’s domestic, and he relishes in the attention. “Hello to you, too.” She’s smiling at him and it’s beautiful and soft and everything he wanted to see after the shitty night he’s had. Dealing in college was an easy route to Balenciaga and bitches. Everyone did it, it was as easy as catching HPV at your school. Yet, Zhao, the Kingpin of dealers, just had to get his side-chick pregnant and then just had to get shot by his girlfriend. Even if he did get shot up because he was a slut (#FreeZhao), the campus dean had called the cops and was in the process of launching an extensive campaign to fuck up any current dealers. Even if you possess the slightest hint of addy for your ADHD, you still had to haul your ass to the campus police station. It wasn’t fair though. Coke is what makes college campuses around the world run as smoothly as they do.

“You promised me you’d stop,” she’s murmuring in his ear, curled up beside him in her cramped twin bed. Her roommates went back home for the weekend, so it makes it just that much easier to pretend you two could be like this. Lost in the sheets, hopelessly in love with her head on his chest.

“If I didn’t, I probably wouldn’t have been able to get you this,” Zuko whispers in her hair. He slides a ring on her finger and she smiles lazily back at him, placing a tender kiss on his cheek. God, is this what love feels like? If she accidentally got pregnant with Zuko’s spawn she wouldn’t immediately reach for Plan B? The ring was a simple thing, just plain silver because she wanted one to be “edgy,” obsessed with rings after playing with the handful that adorn Zuko’s fingers. After making sure she was sound asleep, he lets himself smile. Finally , he’s getting somewhere with her.  

Seemingly a too perfect, impenetrable forest, he’s finding himself finally being let into her world. As corny and lovesick it sounded, Zuko understood how easy it was to love someone when he laid eyes on you. All those damn John Green books were right, he begrudgingly admits ( Eat shit John Green.) She truly could not do one wrong thing in his eyes, her soft giggles as she attempted to explain commas and semicolons and gerunds or whatever the fuck he doesn’t quite remember because he was busy being infatuated and trying to make her laugh. They’d met freshman year, and have remained in this weird limbo ever since. Where he would call her  to remind her to eat when she was stressed, and he could plant kisses in her hair when he’s showing up to her apartment at night, cuddling her without her pulling away because it always felt right. At the same time, Katara felt so unattainable, so out of reach. It’s never progressed past simple, flirtatious touches. Yet, being with her feels different than any other relationship he’s been in, as though his heart was permanently and solely hers.

It was easy to fall in love. Katara was so kind, yet so dead set in her ways. Never detracting her focus from school, she had no time for anything else in her life. Her older brother Sokka had raised her when their parents had disappeared shortly after producing the “accident” child. They handed Katara off to him, who hadn’t spoken to them in years. While Sokka was in college and attempting to care for Katara at the same time, he had struck gold with recording labels interested in his music producing work. Soon, he was making songs you could regularly hear on the radio and not just on Soundcloud, and the royalties were ensuring Katara got the best. The best schools, clothes, life. Even if her brother was obsessed with flexing his regular Bugatti purchases on Instagram, she wasn’t nearly as preoccupied. She was always in oversized hoodies that once upon a time ago belonged to Sokka before he decided on dressing like a 30 year old hypebeast Instagrammer still trying to hold onto their youth. Always volunteering her time and doing things rich people had time to do to make themselves feel good about their tax breaks.

It made Zuko feel jealous in a sense, with his uncle struggling to make ends meet his whole life. He ran a small fried chicken and tea shop (Iroh was convinced about this combo) in his neighborhood, and he hated to admit that he was ashamed. That he dreamed of shoving Chanel anything up his ass. He would take the perfume sample cards from the mall that said Givenchy , pinning it to his wall as inspiration for what he would buy in the future. It didn’t make sense to him, when Katara had all this money and couldn’t care less. She penny pinched when she didn’t need to, wore clothes from Forever 21, as though Sokka wouldn’t drop thousands for the Fendi boots she always talked about.

“Damnit, you’re dick sick, aren’t you?” Toph sends her a look that screamed pity. Katara tried to fix the frown, but her eyes always revealed everything. So she nods in agreement, and Toph wraps her up in her arms. Zuko had invited her and Toph to a quote unquote “exclusive party” thrown by the rich kids whose parents owned the university. The Olivia Jades of the world. Schmoney shmoney . It didn’t help that she felt so out of place, circling all throughout the frat house before settling on the cleanest couch near the one window that wasn’t broken. She wanted to be a part of Zuko’s world for a night, see where he was disappearing to on the weekends.

Although Toph spent the better part of the evening prepping her hoe fit, Katara stuck to an uneventful long t shirt (Zuko’s shirt, of course) paired with thigh high boots. She had planned on only staying half an hour, tops. She didn’t drink, smoke, it just wasn’t her thing. Her worst fear was contracting herpes from a wax pen. Even when she was a college freshman and people were busy coming back upchucking all over the communal dorm bathroom, she instead dutifully held hair back, and changed drunk girls’ clothes. She quickly learned the tricks of the trade after cleaning up Sokka’s messy weekend self during his quarter life crisis phase. Admittedly, she was boring . So, she reasoned 30 minutes gave her enough time to walk around the place and see Zuko schmoozing with rich kids, and then leave to have enough time to do her skincare before bed.  

“More like sick. He deals coke now! Coke! That’s a prison drug, ma’am. The real deal,” she whimpers into her tits. She had caught Zuko in one of the trust fund babies’ enormous rooms in the frat house, daddy’s credit cards and student IDs out and about with lines of something she’d only seen in movies. Since all the dealers were on the low with the campus crackdown, and since it was midterms season, the demand amongst the student population was unbelievably high. Zuko was the only brave stupid enough to keep selling. Katara had burst into the room to alert Zuko that Toph and her were about to make a dramatic exit without him to go back to her place and watch John Tucker Must Die instead of studying.

She had expected a lot of things, hell even coke (maybe). What she didn’t anticipate was seeing a girl in Zuko’s lap, kissing up his neck, wearing practically nothing. He had an assertive hand on her thigh, massaging it, manhandling her like Katara wished he would do with her. He’s talking and acting like he belonged with the assholes of your school. Like he wasn’t the gentle guy who Katara always saw in sweats always talking about his half sister, or memories of his uncle’s restaurant. She had made eye contact with him and promptly shut the door, feeling as though her heart would burst any second now.

So Toph and Katara go back to her place, calling up Suki who Ubers over, ready to rag on her (sort of) mans. Both Toph and her were in Suki’s t shirts that she “gave” to the duo. Both girls ignore her protests when she shows up and demands for them back. “Hey, that is premium Aliexpress Yeezus Tour shirts! They don’t sell fakes like these anymore!”

Katara was eating Target generic brand ice cream out the container, her heartbreak palpable, especially to Toph. The two girls were best friends after becoming roommates freshman year. Katara’s a sweet thing, too sweet in Toph’s opinion. Always remembering little things, people’s birthdays or favorite brand of instant Udon packages. She was always the one defending Toph against those who found it too easy to take advantage of her. Toph, in turn, was always there to mend her big heart after no one remembered her birthday freshman year. In many ways, Katara won a permanent place in Toph’s heart. She was always the one showing up to her dance performances, even if they were a two hour bus ride away. Always making sure to take off her makeup after recitals when she was too tired to move. It hurt her to see Katara like this, in pain.

“All I’m saying is that he uses you to play house. It’s time to cut the cord. Don’t be Beyonce, don’t keep letting a man bring down your worth. Plus, you don’t have the range to come out with Lemonade in the middle of all this heartbreak and betrayal.”

She scoops Vanilla bean into her mouth, eyes downcast. “What do you mean? Just because he comes here and sleeps over all the time?” She settles her head in Toph’s lap when she sees Suki begin to straighten her back, prepping for the rant she was about to deliver.

“Katara, sweet, pure, virginal Katara.”  

“Hey!” Katara yelps.

“I’m going to be honest with you, and it’s going to hurt. Like pap smear at the gyno hurt.” Katara nods, interest piqued. “Do you see you on his Instagram? Do you? Any posts, any tagging done when I know you took this photo of this overpriced matcha soy latte?” Suki tries her hardest not to break her tough girl role when she sees hersad fucking eyes. Why are they built like that? Like she could break her heart with just a watery glance? “Tell me, who do you see on Zuko’s Instagram and Snapchat?”

“Hotgirls,” she jumbles the words in her haste.

“Louder!” Suki shouts.

“ Hot. Girls. ” she admitted defeat. Toph strokes her hair gently to try to comfort her.

“That’s the thing with guys like Zuko, ok? They want the hottest girls on campus to suck and fuck, but they’re even more cruel with girls like you. Girls who are meant for dating to marry and cute gender reveal parties and pastels and shit. He knows that you guys aren’t meant to be together, the universe says so. But he’ll still play with your feelings because he likes pretending he deserves you. Pretending that in this world, girls like you and guys like him can be together and make it work.”

Katara’s jolting her head out of Toph’s lap in protest. “Well, what if I want to be a slut? What if I want to be the kind of girl that Zuko wants?” She was tired of being the cute girl who looks like she goes to volunteer at the community center regularly and is destined for some picket fence with a balding, accountant husband and loud, undisciplined kids. She wanted sex, hell she wanted to wear skimpy clothes without worrying what Zuko was going to think about how her tits looked, or if her pants showed enough of her ass to be considered hoe. Katara wanted the confidence of those girls Zuko would put on his social media, she wanted to be them. Being with Zuko felt like being with someone who got her, and she liked, hell loved the attention he gave her. As though she felt pretty, and not adorable. He was someone she just couldn’t get out of her head, someone that was so dangerous to her because she was feeling herself change for him. Is it wrong that she liked it? The way he called her gorgeous when he comes over, or how he lazily grinds against her ass when he’s half-asleep, hands on her hips grounding her.

Suki squeezes her chipmunk cheeks between her musty hands, and interrupts Katara’s protest about an acne breakout. “Even if you try changing everything about you to become exactly what he wants, do you really think he’s going to treat you the same when it isn’t on the down low?”

Ouch.

Suki’s honesty still stings, but it was the cold hard truth. She was willing to change herself, be someone for a guy promising her trips to Paris when he could never meet when the sun was up. Suki’s words hurt as bad as the dress Toph was squeezing you into. “You wanted slutty, I’m giving you waist trainer, Insta model slutty!” She had convinced Katara to go on a date with some guy who was “perfect” for her. Code for boring, she was sure of it. Probably an engineering major who didn’t know how Twitter worked.

Even with all of Toph’s efforts, Katara decided all the shapewear in the world wasn’t going to contain her “post depression ice cream for all three meals” belly.  So, she decided to keep it simple with her “knock-off Ariana” outfit as she calls it. Pairing just a pair of thigh high boots with a long sweatshirt.

“Look, I know you secretly get off to the thrill of dating a lame drug dealer, knowing the cops could bust down your door and cause a scene at your apartment. I know you live for the drama. But I promise, this guy will be good for you. Let’s just have fun for one night. Please put the dress back on? I know you haven’t washed that hoodie in a week,” Toph pleads with Katara.

She just rolled her eyes while Toph reapplied a layer of gloss to Katara’s lips. Deep down, she just knew in her heart there was no getting over Zuko. At least immediately. But, it didn’t hurt that Jet was cute, harmless fun.  He was taking her out to a diner near her apartment, frequented by students at their college deluded by the aesthetic photo ops, and not too concerned about how the restaurant was serving up microwaved Mac n cheese. He showed up looking exactly like his Instagram photos and in a well ironed H&M button up. She could feel Toph hiding behind her futon, snapping clandestine photos for Suki, who was in the bathroom with the Taco Bell shits.  

“ How dare you?! ” Jet screeches, dropping a cold fry in disbelief. “You’ve never watched anime?”

“Ok, a scream was not what I was expecting. I just asked if Teen Titans counted. Sue me.” Katara’s laughing, and hates to admit that it was fun being with Jet. He’s nerdy and sweet and most importantly so, so tall. A good guy.

“It doesn’t! ” he huffs petulantly.

Katara juts out her lip. “How can you ever forgive me?”

“Hmm. I guess a second date. Maybe an anime sesh will have to do. Your place, and we’re pulling an all nighter.”

“Why not your place?” she questions.

“I live in a living room, and I don’t have a mattress. But why not? My place it is!” His aggressive thumbs up makes her laugh so hard it sends her into a choking fit.

“So, we’re watching Teen Titans first, right?” she teases, pounding at her chest to stop the coughs.

His smile reaches his eyes. “You know, I was kinda scared going out with you tonight. No offense, but you have, like, no pictures on your social media. All Toph promised me was ‘you’re really pretty and heartbroken as well. ’ And, not to try to win any brownie points on this date, but I have to agree, you’re really pretty.” Katara rolls her eyes, and he blushes.

“I was expecting something along the lines of ‘ Goddess like,’ but I guess ‘really pretty’ works, too.” She’s laughing along with his obnoxious giggles, and she feels almost lighthearted. Not quite ready to fall in love again, but considering the possibility. “Let me guess, she cheated on you?”

“Worse. Walked in on her with...drumroll please!” Katara lightly began drumming her fingers on the dining table. “You guessed it! My brother!” he sheepishly admits, bringing out the jazz hands and everything to emphasize his point.

She audibly gasps. “That’s some Kdrama shit right there! Please tell me you started a fist fight with him, kicked a nut or two.”

“Nah, I had an essay due. No time for that shit, you know? I just shut the door, banged out my paper, and haven’t spoken to either of them in about four months.”

She takes a sip of her milkshake. “That’s healthy!” Jet tilts his shake in Katara’s direction in agreement, before taking a long gulp from the cup.

He quirks a perfectly shaped brow towards her. “So, let me guess. Your guy saved his side chick’s name as Chick-fil-a in his phone, you found out and tried to strangle him with his belt, and he pressed charges?”

“Oddly specific, but sadly no. Let’s just say he had the biggest heart. Big enough for bitches on the side as well.” Jet makes a grunt in disapproval. “It wasn’t like I could be mad, anyways. We weren’t in anything official. But it felt like it could’ve been something, you know?”

It was like an unspoken agreement, an energy that the two felt when they met each other. A “my heart was just shattered into a billion pieces but hopefully a rebound will lessen the pain just for two hours tonight” kind of vibe. It felt good with Jet, like the two of you guys had known each other forever. He serves her with corny joke after joke, and she lets herself laugh. She hated being around men, and besides, Sokka threatened any that even made eye contact with her  for longer than 20 seconds. Aside from Sokka, Zuko, and Aang, the kid she babysat, Katara was afraid to let any other men in her life. Three was already enough emotional labor.

They both go out for boba afterwards, and Jet makes sure to pay for their drinksand then drop his change into the tip jar. He knows that Katara swoons immediately. It always works. That’s why 30 minutes later, she’s slamming him into her futon. Soon after, he’s shirtless, pressing at her core with impatient fingers. She’s grinding helplessly in his lap, his moans egging her on. He insisted she keep the boots on.

“I was not raised to leave my shoes on in the house. That’s just vile ,” she protested. Jet silences her with a gentle kiss, and a press of his throbbing cock against her.

“Please, baby. Make an exception for me tonight,” he whispers against her lips. Her shorts and underwear are suddenly missing. When the fuck did he do that? She’s dizzy and horny and so full when he starts fingering her. His fingers so fucking long and is making her whimper and ready to have his kids. She closes her eyes because staring at Jet’s fucked out ones made her want to combust. She was focusing on the feeling of being stuffed while trying to tamp down on the fear of losing her virginity, because that seemed like the logical course of action with how the night was playing out. Damnit, what if it hurts like a pap smear ? She thinks pathetically. In the middle of all her inner monologues, she’s suddenly shoved off of Jet’s warm body, tumbling on the ground. She opens her eyes to see Zuko pummeling Jet to a pulp.

“Not the face, Zuko! Not the fucking face! He’s too pretty for this!” Katara yelps, shoving Zuko’s muscular frame off of Jet. Jet sends her a sad smile before slipping his shirt over his head and heading out the door.

She’s fuming, too angry, too confused. “What the fuck was that ?” She’s at maximum screech levels tonight, much to her neighbor’s dismay.

“You tell me!” Zuko cards his hands through his hair. “You’re fucking some other guy? Don’t know if you’ve forgotten, Katara. But this,” he gestures between the two of them. “Did you forget about us? Forget about me? What the fuck?”  

“Hold up, Walter White.” She’s sticking a hand out in his face. “We are a situationship, at best. Don’t you dare accuse me of whoring around when we aren’t even official.”

“I thought what we had, what we were...I don’t know? It’s different,” Zuko rubs at his neck awkwardly. “Did you not feel the same way? Why do you care about all these labels all of a sudden? Why didn’t you fucking tell me you wanted us to make it official?”

“It’s because you’re supposed to know! You’re supposed to know that I hate what you do, that I hate loving you, because it hurts me.”

“So why won’t you go out with me? Is it because I’m a drug dealer?” Zuko’s mad, twisting the rings on his fingers while impatiently waiting on her answer.

“Not exactly,” Katara quips, averting her eyes from his fiery gaze. “It’s mainly because you don’t tip when we go out to eat.”

“Bullshit!” he howls.

“You need to tip at least 20%!”

“Katara.” He takes a deep breath in. “Why don’t we just make this official?”

She’s worrying at her lip. Trying desperately to remember the breathing exercises her therapist had recommended before she started crying and did something crazy like suck his dick because he looked hot when he was angry. “Zuko, as much as you’d like to keep pretending that we could ever be a thing, I can’t. I can’t keep holding onto this fucking unrealistic dream. These unrealistic expectations! What do you want me to do? Pray for the day you get bored of dealing or hanging out with the rich kids or making out with sorority girls so you could come back to me at night? Because I’m fucking pathetic and let you back every single time?”

She sees him spluttering, trying to desperately hold onto a solid response that could sway her decision. “Katara, you know how much I care about you. But you would never get it! You would never get someone like me!”

She scoffs. “Try me. What don’t I get about you, Zuko?”

“That being with those people, and dealing makes me feel like more than just a poor kid with no parents and no fucking future.” Zuko huffs out the confession as though he was holding it in for a millenium.

“I get it, ok I understand but-”

Zuko steps back from her, as though she’s slapped him straight across the face. “No, Katara. You don’t. You don’t fucking get it. You get to cosplay as poor. Pretend that you have to budget when Sokka could easily handle everything if things go wrong.”

Katara’s angry, angry at herself. For hurting Zuko with her careless words, for looking so fucking stupid. “Ok, fine. You’re right.” She surprises even herself at her confession. "I don’t get it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be fucking worried about you? That I’m terrified about what could go wrong? One wrong move and you could fucking die! You think the dean is going to let any of those rich assholes take the fall for anything? No, they’re going to blame it on the disposable kid on Financial Aid,” she wails at the top of her lungs.

She searches his eyes for any understanding, for any reaction to what she was saying. His jaw is set in a determined look, the kind of look she knew was unwavering, was unable to be changed no matter what. She sucks in a breath of air, praying for any sort of strength. “How about you do you, and I do me?”

“Yeah, sure,” Zuko squeezes out. He’s rushing out the door, slamming it on his way out.

//

“I knew I could smell the cock on you! You rode that dick like a stolen car, didn’t you?” Suki bellows, cackling.

“Please, I will fucking block you,” Katara wearily threatens, without any might behind it. She’s, predictably, in one of Zuko’s old t shirts from when he played soccer in high school, slapping on moisturizer before she could retire to bed. “Zuko stopped anything from happening when he came in and went 'New York after Hottie said she looked like Beyonce' on his ass.

Toph grunts over the line. “So what’s the deal with you guys? He’s dealing you drugs and dick now? You’re fucking the weed man for weed? Or are you fucking the dick man for dick? At least you’re not fucking the tweet man for tweets.”

Katara pauses in patting in the cream on her face. “How does this make any sense to you? Like do you not hear yourself speak?”

“It makes perfect sense to me, slut.”

Suki jumps in before low blows could be dealt and the girls start making fun of each others foundation not matching. “You know what, I bet Zuko’s selling whole ass cilantro and/or oregano and no one says anything because he’s fine.”

Katara pauses in applying her lip balm, a call from Zuko popping up threatening to end her call with her girls. “Zuko’s calling?” she questions.

“This late?” Toph is in between bites of her pepperoni Hot Pocket.

Suki sighs. “Listen, Katara. Girls don’t win when it comes to love, we never win. Maybe you should take a break from all this Zuko mess, and I don’t know. Pick up a hobby. Go back to therapy.”

But Katara knew something was wrong. She could sense it, just feel it inside her. Something was inherently wrong. As though the universe was whispering this to her, pleading with her to listen. “I’ll call you guys back, ok?”

“This is the future Stephanie Meyer wanted. For girls to be pathetically in love with pale, emo guys,” Toph miserably whimpers after Katara leaves their call.

Katara heart felt like it could fall out of her ass and then jump back in her mouth with how loudly it was beating. She’s running, clad in only the t shirt and her slides. They were threatening to slip off at any second from how fast her feet were forcing them to pound at the pavement. Word of the wise, don’t fucking run in slides.

“Don’t fucking hurt him!” She screams, expandable baton whipped out and ready to pummel any bitch dumb enough to hurt Zuko while she’s around. A few guys were standing around Zuko’s limp body, about to lay another painful blow against his bruised visage when she starts wildly beating them with her baton. She’s shrieking at the top of her lungs, scaring them enough for all of them to disperse. They all ran off before they had to deal with whatever the fuck Katara was doing. Crazy wasn’t in their agenda that night, only beating up good looking dealers.

“Oh, Zuko.” Katara immediately lets go of the weapon, dropping down to her knees to look at him.

Turns out, everyone wants a shot at the king.

She sits herself down and gently cradles Zuko’s head in between her hands before placing it in her lap. He closes his eyes and musters the strength to give her a small smile.

“Thank you, Katara.” She’s trying her best to hold back her tears. The gravel is scraping unforgivably against her legs, the cold causing her throat to begin to itch. She’s shivering as she types in “911.”

Zuko lifts a battered arm to swat quickly at her fingers. “Can we just Uber to the hospital? I don’t want to drop two racks on an ambulance.”

“Zuko!” Katara squeals. It works, he’s got her to smile in spite of all the drama, all the tears. It’s so easy for them to be like this together. Just enjoying the moment, just being themselves. “You know, I’m sorry for ever saying you look like an angry snake. You still do, but I’m sorry.”

“I hate you,” he says without any commitment to the spite.

“You don’t.”

“I know.” He lets her finish ordering the Uber before speaking again. “I love you.”

She runs her fingers in his hair. “I know.”

“Say it back, please?” He has the audacity to pout despite being beaten nearly half to death.

“I’m scared,” she can’t bring herself to break eye contact with his intense gaze.

“I know.”

//

“Zuko! What happened?” Iroh’s running as fast as he can, still clad in his sleepwear. He sees the pretty girl that the nurses warned has refused to leave the boy’s side for the past few hours, never letting go of his hand. She’s even had the gall to snap the nurses who would show up to their shift a few minutes late.

He sees his nephew rub comforting circles in the girls’ hand with his thumb, looking at her before he could make eye contact with his uncle. Right when he’s about to say something, he’s interrupted.

“He was protecting me. We were walking in a bad part of town because I really wanted to get ice cream, and...we got mugged.” She finishes lamely, whispering the last few words. “They hit him first and then were trying to steal my purse. They got even more mad when he started yelling ‘don’t hurt her!’ He jumped in front of me before they could do anything.”

The two share a look and a smile. Zuko’s grip on Katara’s hand grows impossibly tigther.

Survey #269

“why aren’t you scared of me, why do you care for me, when we all fall asleep, where do we go?”

What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual. What are you obsessed with right now? lol y'all know my staple stuff I'm always obsessed with, so two recent ones are Skillet (I've been binging soooo hard) and drawing again! What piercings do you want? A lot, jfc. More than any, I want collarbone dermals once I lose enough weight to where they're prominent. I've been on a goddamn weight loss plateau for two years. What’s your favorite show to binge? None. I generally don't enjoy binging too much. Do you watch porn? No, not interested. Do you have a secret sideblog? lol this survey blog. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced? No. I very briefly considered getting one pierced, but I won't. Are you angry with anyone right now? Not like... actively. But passively it's there. What tattoos do you want? I refuse to die until I'm P A I N T E D  F O R  T H E  G O D S. Do you like paper books or ebooks better? Absolutely paperback books. It feels more "real," something to dive into, and it's easier to see and understand how far you're in. We talked about this in Writing once, was an interesting convo. Plus the smell of books, aaaaaahhhhh. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? Yes How many followers do you have? On here? *checks* 265. Do you read erotica? No, I'd feel SUPER uncomfortable. That's why 50 Shades has never appealed to me. Have you ever gotten into an accident with you parents’ car? No. Ever thought of just picking up and moving far away? Oh yes. What’s the wallpaper on your computer? My lock screen is the Halo of the Sun from SH, and my actual desktop wallpaper is my favorite closeup of my late pup Teddy. What is the last thing/person you took a picture of? Probably a stupid Facebook meme to show Sara or something lmao. Name a band/artist you like that isn’t that popular. Otep. Can you lift your significant other (your best friend if you’re single)? I'm sure I could. What is the first vehicle you recall your parents/guardians owning? Mom had a blue/greenish van for most of my childhood, while Dad had this old tan thing that he nicknamed "Frida the Cheetah" lmao. He had that damn car forever. Have you ever seen counterfeit money? Not knowingly. Have you ever lost a pet you were attached to? Well of course. I grew up with tons of pets. What was the most rebellious thing you’ve ever done? Probably texting back "fuck you" to Mom when she was being really shitty when I was having a breakdown. Pick one: laundry, dishes, or vacuuming? I'd pick vacuuming over the others any day. Have you ever moved and had to change schools growing up? No. You are forced to move out-of-state. Where do you go? I literally want to move to Canada. The highway and back roads take you to the same place; choose your route. Back roads, probably. You’re going to be a mom/dad; what do you think/do? Have a fucking panic attack. Are you more likely to give up or persist when you’re having trouble? It really depends on the seriousness of the situation, but in most cases I've actually faced, give up. Do you resemble one parent more than the other? I don't think so. Your best friend needs a kidney to survive; do you give them one of yours? If we're compatible, yes. Name a big life event that has taken place for you within the last 2 years. Nothing because my life is incredibly monotonous and stagnant. Name one difficult lesson you’ve learned. Life isn't fair, and life doesn't care. Name one thing you look forward to as you get older. Hey, let's hope I can be a functioning adult before I'm 70. Do you use your hands when you talk to emphasize what you are saying? Yes. Will you usually admit it when you’ve made a mistake? Yeah. Does stress ever affect you physically? If yes, how? Oh, yes. My stomach will absolutely hurt and I sweat more than normal (I say "normal" because I have hyperhidrosis). Did you have a money box as a kid? What shape was it if you did? I don't remember... I know we didn't regularly get an allowance or anything like that, but maybe I'm sure I stored money I was given somewhere? Has kids TV ever frightened you? As a kid, I both watched and feared Courage the Cowardly Dog, lol. Do you have any potted plants in your house? No. If you were born outside of your era, when would you want to be born and why? Early '80s! What a time for music, metal fashion, and fun. If you ran a store, what would you sell/have? IF I was more knowledgeable on more species, probably reptiles and more proper care materials and give advice that's not shit. Places like PetSmart and Petco just... disgust me. What part in a movie would you love to play? If I was confident in acting, probably the maniac lmao. I've experienced enough Crazy for that. What's the oldest article of clothing you own? I don't really know, but I do know Mom has a lot of my and my siblings' shirts as we've grown up to knit together a blanket one day. Fuckin cute as hell. What piece of furniture have you replaced the most? The couch. What instrument do you wish you could be more than great at? Guitar, with that electric twist anyway. What’s the best part of your favorite movie? When Simba roars atop Pride Rock in the storm and all the lionesses join in FUCK I get goosebumps out the WAZOO. What do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? Twizzlers, disgoosting. If you could only debate two topics the rest of your life, what would they be? LGBTQ+ rights is #1, then... hm... probably the pro-choice argument. Or just women rights in general. Out of your friends, who would you say you are most jealous of, artistically? Oh man, my friend Mini. She drew pretty well when we were young, but her skill like... increased exponentially with time. She doesn't draw in a *style* I'm envious of, but that growth tho. Most jealous of….intellectually? Girt. What is broken that you have, that you wish was fixed? My brain lmao. A famous person you have met? Nobody. Who were the last five people to text you? Dad, Sara, Ashley, Mom, and my grandma. What is your favorite book that you had to read for school? The Outsiders. Think of the last two people you kissed. Who was more fun? I've explained the "idk if *I* ever actually kissed Girt" before, but just for the sake of the question, I'll just count him. I tbh hated it only ever because why were your lips always wet, sir???? The latest person was Sara, and she kissed fine. If your house was burning down and you only had sixty seconds to grab one or two things, what would you grab and why? Roman and Venus because they're family and I adore them. Out of all the concerts you have been to, which band/singer was the best performer? Alice was great! When was the last time you went miniature golfing? For Jason's and my second or third anniversary, so a long time ago. What’s a song you like from a genre you hate? I always answer this question with a country answer, so let's go rap. Hm. OH, probably a Post Malone song. I actually don't mind him. If you had twin girls what would you name them? Alessandra indisputably, and then the other... maybe like, Josephine. Especially as twins, I'd want two gorgeous, less-heard names. What kind of condoms do you use? I don't use any because I'm not sexually active. Do you say years young or years old [ex: 16 years young or 16 years old]? Man, I miss the days I could confidently say "years young," lmao. Do you have any personality disorders? Avoidant, yes. I'm pretty convinced I have dependent PD, too. Do you shave your arms? Armpits, yes, but not my entire arms. What do you dip your fries in? Ketchup or honey mustard. Has one of your good friends ever moved away? Damn, yeah. I particularly remember this girl from elementary school in I think the 5th grade that I was very close with, yet I don't remember her name now. What color car are you when you play The Game of Life? Dude idr the colors at all. Which hair color do you find the ugliest? I've seen it be pulled off, but generally, yellow. Would you date a guy that wears more make-up than you do? Hell yeah man you fuckin strut that shit. Did you ever play M.A.S.H. when you were little? Ah, I remember that! Sure did. If you were getting married, who would be your maid of honor? My mom. If you have any pets, were they adopted from the humane society? No, but I would of course. Do you like home design, like picking out paint colors and furniture? Not any more than the average person. Do you chew gum on a regular basis? No. List all of your features that you have ever got compliments on: Do you mean just physical? If that's the case, hair, eyes, smile, uh... I feel like that's it. WAIT I can't remember who but someone once called my nose cute. Have you ever been in a hot air balloon, and if not, would you ever want to go in one? No; yes. What type of computer do you have? It's an Acer Nitro 5. Is anyone else in the room with you right now? My snake. Do you whiten your teeth with crest white strips? Not Crest, but a different brand, yes. I hate my teeth. Do you listen to local bands? Not really. I will sometimes listen to an old friend's band, at least bits of what they post on Facebook. Nova Mortis, check 'em out if you like pretty heavy metal. Do you have a pool in your back yard? No, but damn do I wish. Do your parents fight? Do they even talk at all? That's why they're divorced. They, especially Mom, avoid doing so whenever they can. Do you drink alcohol on New Year’s Eve? Usually. Do you wear rings? Just one, a friendship ring w/ Sara. Are there any restaurants in walking distance to your house? It'd be quite a long walk, at least by my standards. What was the last picture you uploaded to your Facebook? A picture of Mom and me. Have you ever listened to the same song on repeat for hours on end? YES. When I find a song I really like, I become VERY obsessive. Like I will play it and play it and play it for days. I in general have an extremely obsessive personality. Do you like staying in hotels? I don't have much of an opinion. It's a nice change of space, though. Are musicals interesting or boring? They're cheesy to me. What is your favorite scent of incense? (If you burn it) Okay, HEAR ME OUT. There is legit a kind called "monkey farts" that smells SO FUCKIN GOOD. Jason used to burn incense in his room all the time and that was my favorite one, so I use it now. Where do you normally hang out on the weekends? At home. I'm always at home, regardless of the day. Can you tune a guitar by ear or do you need a tuner? I never could. Do you like love songs? Generally, yes. They're sweet. Would you rather drink 7Up or Sprite? Fun fact: Sprite used to be my FAVORITE soda as a kid. I even had a fuckin Sprite shirt. Now, I hate it. I haven't tasted 7UP in forever. What is your favorite song as of right now? I'm seriously digging Halocene lately, esp their cover of "bury a friend." Have you ever sex texted? This is gonna sound so stupid, but I'm actually not *totally* sure what that is? Just like, dirty talking or like, virtually RPing sex? The former I did when I was fuckin 12 like a goddamn idiot, but not the latter. When's the last time you went out of state? A year and a half (I think?) ago to visit Sara. What was your favorite TV show last year? I didn't *really* have one, at least not actively. Like I didn't devoutly watch anything. Would you know who to talk to if you wanted weed? HAHA I sureeeee do. I wouldn't want any, though. What is your favorite Beatles song? "Hey, Jude." If you could kiss anyone right now, who would it be? I don't want to think about this. What is your favorite energy drink? I don't like energy drinks. Way too intense. Have you ever been to Hooters before? No. When's the last time you tripped? (Literally or, you know) HA, funny I take this survey today because my left foot is either broken or I seriously tore a ligament in it because I fell yesterday. I had to go up a dose on my medication that helps my nightmares, but it's notoriously for lowering your blood pressure, and mine is naturally low. I got up to go to the bathroom and grab breakfast and many times nearly passed out from being so dizzy until I finally fell and my foot bent forward. I couldn't even walk by myself yesterday and am still really struggling today. Our family friend brought the boot she wore when she broke her foot over just a while ago, but if this doesn't help, Mom's demanding I go to the ER. Can you touch your toes? I don't know HOW I can, but I can, I guess from when I did yoga daily and I could pretty much go under my feet. What would you say is the best feeling in the world? Being in love and knowing they're in love with you, too. Have you ever “spoken” to any celebrities via Twitter? No. Do you like croissants? YESSSSSSSSSSS. Do you get a lot of traffic outside your house or not? Yes. Mom explained to me why one day because I'd asked, but idr what she said. Do you eat cereal bars? No, I'm a granola bar person. Would you consider yourself healthy? Uh no. Assuming you could speak and understand the language, would you ever study in a foreign, non-English speaking country? Sure, for like a year or so! Doing that in Germany would be amazing. Are you on any prescribed medication? A lot. Do you know any immigrants? I know an illegal one that got deported. I probably know others. Have you ever lived in university or college accommodation before? No. If you haven’t already, are you scared of leaving home? If you have, do you like it? Very scared. I'm just very dependent and ignorant on how to be an adult. If you could only eat one vegetable for a year (not including potatoes) what would it be? Broccoli. Do you have a certain routine in the bath or shower? What is it? Shave, shampoo, facial scrub, this exfoliating brush for your feet, and then body wash. Is there anything that you loved a year ago but just can’t stand now? Hm. I don't really know. What’s the weirdest meat you’ve ever eaten? I took the SMALLEST bite out of it because I couldn't stomach eating it, but after a lot of convincing I tried a microscopic bit out of deer jerky. If you smoke, what brand of cigarettes do you smoke? If you don’t, have you ever tried? Don't smoke and don't want to. Do you like dried fruit at all? what’s your favorite type? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

HC: Radio Morning Show Hosts AU

Imagine a universe in which Gabe and Tyson are co-hosts of a morning radio show on AVS FM. Tys is constantly trying to slide into co-hosting the lunch/early afternoon/late morning slot with MACKDOG (aka Nate) but their boss likes the Gabe/Tyson chemistry too much to let them break up.

Also all their listeners kind of ship them because Tys is always describing Gabe as like a beautiful golden viking stallion - getting more flustered and touchy whenever Gabe presses him about it. Or when someone calls in to try to also comment on it Gabe gets really awkward and laughs uncomfortably while Tyson agrees wholeheartedly - Gabe is one of the most beautiful people alive.

Whenever Tyson is out sick or generally anyone tries to also get in on Gabe’s ribbing of him Gabe has NONE of it and always defends that Tyson is SO FUNNY AND SHARP AND SELF-DEPRECATING and you could nEVER measure up to him.

Basically Gabe just plays straight man to Tys’s random craziness and their regular listeners are waiting for the day they wake up married to each other by accident.

Their show is a mix of things, random news, traffic, and celebrity gossip, they both always comment on hockey and cheer for canada and sweden in respective world championship things and chirp each other and are endlessly fond of each other.

Tyson has a segment that's just him updating everyone on what the Kardashians are up to so no one has to actually keep up with them and when he's sick Gabe does it and he's like: "...well...a lot of them have k names..."

and then Tyson gives him endless shit for not even trying - and Tyson talks to him about them ALL THE TIME.

Anyway as we mentioned Tyson is always trying to escape their show doing anything he can to get out of the morning.

"WE COULD HAVE A TYSON-N-TYSON SHOWWWW THOUGH!” He screamed at a retreating afternoon host Josty, "THINK OF THE TYSON TUESDAYS!!"

(this universe has no female hosts and idk why but like it's a terrible drought and they are all the poorer for it)

Gabe just gets increasingly concerned and slightly hurt that Tyson keeps wanting to bail out of the show on him. Morning show is like THE BIG NAMES, IT'S THE COVETED POSITION! And they get to take so many naps! But that 4 AM call time is ROUGH sometimes. Tyson is just desperately trying to get some distance (also some sleep).

“You don’t get it, Nate I AM LOCKED IN A BOOTH WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN ALIVE EVERY MORNING MINIMALLY CAFFEINATED.” He hisses at Nate while he patiently replies to facebook messages, “He smells so good, all shower fresh in a little intoxicating sound proof box, just reciting the traffic report  like it's no big deal. CAN'T HE SEE I’M DYING LITERALLY EVERY MORNING?” Nate rolls his eyes at Tyson and shoves him out of the way to tug his headphones on, ignoring the rant that he’s been listening to since Tyson started with Gabe day one.

They also spend a distressing amount of time hanging out too, because NO ONE HAS TIME OFF TO GET DRINKS ON THE PATIO AT NOON AND THEN BE IN BED BY 7. NO ONE. So Gabe is kind of depressingly Tyson’s BEST FRIEND. Like Nate of course is his best friend forever, but he spends so much time with Gabe, every day, they text and do errands and hang out. They also watch hockey together and ending up sleeping on each other because those games be long and they start at like 5 earliest their time - and it’s a distressing trend to wake up pillowed on Gabe’s chest like he could actually BELONG THERE.

It’s enough to drive a man mad.

Then, one Valentines day the station hosts a contest for Tyson who is endlessly and painfully single and complains about it. So they create a bit where he goes on 14 dates with different people leading up to Valentines Day where one winner will get a fancy steak dinner with him etc etc. They get the evening guy (Night time with Nail - He’ll YAK you to sleep) to call up these dates on air after they’re finished and get the scoop on how it went.

Gabe is unreasonably grumpy during this period of time, to the point he’s actually kind of short on air.

Tyson of course complains to Nate about it when he rolls in for their shift overlap and Nate just looks at him like he’s dumb.

“Of course Gabe is being pissy, he has to listen to you while you dissect going on two weeks worth of shitty dates.”

“You have to listen to me too and you’re not acting like I died your dog blue.”

“I’m not in love with you.”

“Neither is Gabe.”

“Okay, Tys, keep telling yourself that.”

Tyson thinks Nate is probably smoking whatever it is that all their listeners are on because they’re actually getting a lot of complains about the bit - how it’s insensitive, and poor ol’ Gabe. They’re all sniffing glue if they think Gabe is acting like sour grapes because he’s jealous of all of Tyson’s dates. He could pick up anyone he wanted any time he wanted!

And besides it’s not like the dates are going well, Yak keeps reporting that all the dates think he’s very Cute and Charming but he spends too much of the date complaining about how annoying Gabe is being - like he’s really preoccupied.

Nate gives him many Significant Looks™ about it.

So it goes that their producers definitely think it’s coming to a point where they need to intervene and with Nate and Josty and Yak’s input they pull some strings so the last date Tyson has before Valentines day - he stumbles into the restaurant and gets led to a table in which Gabe is waiting.

Tyson: Is this a sick joke?

Gabe: Nate said the producers were getting tired of getting emails about us

Tyson: God. That’s so embarrassing, I’m so sorry. I keep trying to get my shift swapped around maybe I need to change stations entirely.

Gabe: No! No that’s not. That’s not what I want. That’s not what anyone wants.

Tyson: Why are you here? Wait are you here to fire me????

Gabe: I’m not -- Tyson! I’m here to go on a date with you, sit down.

Tyson: Date? A real date?

Gabe: Is that so hard to believe? That I could possibly think you’re clever and funny and hot?

Tyson: ??????????????????????????????????? No?

Gabe: Sound more sure of yourself.

Tyson: This isn’t a prank?

Gabe: Unfortunately no. I’m actually into you and it took an entire city’s worth of people complaining to our bosses to get you to actually go out with me.

Tyson: You never asked!!

Gabe: We’re not arguing about this any more!

Tyson: We need to argue, how is the rest of our lives going to go if we don’t argue

So basically Tyson gets a clue, and spends the next show insufferably smug about how hot his boyfriend is, and they get many callers in wishing them well - also to make fun of the fact that their anniversary is now Valentines day. A terrible fate.

They give away the steak dinner to a random listener and spend their Valentines at home, eating at 5 and crashing by 6:40, and it’s perfect.

BONUS

MIKKO THE STATION INTERN that Gabe is SO DELIGHTED BY and Tyson sees them palling around while Gabe is showing Mikko around the booth and yelps: "ARE THEY CLONING YOU NOW??? HOW IS THAT FAIR?? YOU SHOULD NEED A PERMIT AT LEAST FOR THAT."