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insanesonofabitch · 7 months

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How am I supposed to function like a normal human being when I’ve been made aware of the existence of destiel? Everytime I get close to being slightly functional, I’m reminded of shit like how someone wrote a script wherein Cas gets his very own personal heaven—a room full of half-naked pictures (some real and some badly edited) of Dean Winchester. Or how later on in the series, in another script draft of another episode, Cas gets shown another “heaven on earth” scenario where he spreads his wings full while, for some reason, specified to be shirtless in front of Dean. Or how Dean was supposed to confess his love to Cas way back in season 8. Or how his relationship with Benny and the then presumed dead Cas is paralleled to Amelia’s relationship with Sam and her then presumed dead husband. “Are we still talking about Sam, or did you break up with someone too?” Or how Dean was supposed to relive the life of Cain in reverse and kill Cas like Cain killed his wife Colette, while Cas and Colette are paralleled to each other, with how they both ask Dean and Cain to stop the killings right as they’re about to die by the hands of the ones they love. Or how they made several people imply and straight up tell Dean and Cas to their faces that they’re in love with each other and not once, not once does any of the both of them ever deny it. And how several times, over and over again, their enemies use this “more profound bond” against them. “You’re hoping Castiel would return to you. I admire your loyalty. I only wish he felt the same way.” “But then, his true weakness is revealed.” “Don’t lose it over one man.” “I’m gonna cure you of your human weakness.” “You blast me away you blast away every angel in the room.” “There comes a point where every relationship has run its course.” “Oh sweet. Cas, he’s dead. All the way dead. Because of you.” “There is nothing for you back there.” Or how Dean subtly references a queer movie while referring to Cas and himself as the queer main characters of the said queer movie…who were, by the way, in a relationship with each other. Or how they made Cas confess but killed him right off, and then soon later killed Dean off and implied he doesn’t pursue romantic relationships ever again, and never have him actually experience the life outside the “hamster wheel” that he fought for because they knew he could NEVER be happy living the unnamed wife one kid “normal” apple-pie life that they originally planned for him.

Or how part of the people behind this show actually fought for their story to be told because you CANNOT make all of this without someone, at the very least one person actively writing, portraying, or depicting them with the intention of telling a queer love story.

And then what? So I’m just supposed to ignore and gloss over and move on from all of this along with so much more like the show already did on the regular?

#genuinely how #supernatural #spn #destiel #deancas #casdean #dean x castiel #dean winchester #castiel #destiel meta #reiotalks

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youremyheaven · 13 days

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Hi, I'm the Purva bhadrapada/ashlesha native from earlier and I wanted to add to the combo of nodals being attracted to yang energy. I also have a Leo stellium so that adds to it.

All of my friends/ex friends have prominent nodal energy, I have a similar dynamic with all of them in the way that they always look to me for guidance you could say? I've always been the emotional anchor, the therapist or the one that keeps their feet on the ground. My experience with them depends on if they have other energy prominent in their chart to ground them.

I have a double magha friend, but she has a Purva bhadrapada sun and moon conjunct Jupiter energy, similarly I have a magha sun, Swati rising friend but she has pushya moon conjunct Saturn. Their jupiter and saturnian energy keeps them from being too "hollow" or "void" in the sense that the ketuvian headlessness doesn't dominate their senses. They are both extremely anxious though and I'd attribute that to the rat yoni, since smaller yoni animals tend to be that way. Another Swati/Magha friend of mine always looked for my guidance in his creative pursuits, turned out he was in love with me too, so that just adds to the long list of nodals I've known that are attracted to yang energy.

On the other hand I have another magha sun, mula moon friend who doesn't have any other energy to really anchor her, and let me tell you she is probably the most unhinged person I've ever met. She, in comparison to the rest of my friends is always looking for my guidance/advice the most and for the longest time I was basically her 24 hours open therapist. It was the most emotionally and mentally draining friendship of my life and it was toxic for me so I had to cut contact with her. She was the epitome of ketu headlessness, no thoughts, head empty respectfully 😅

So yeah, if people don't have other energy in their charts I find it hard to have healthy relationships with them.

thank you so much for sharing your experiences. i feel like everytime i say nodals are attracted to yang energy specifically of Sun & Jupiter (because Sun is the source of light and Jupiter is by nature very giving and "boundless" and no other planet indulges Nodal behaviour this way- Venusians who only engage in mutually beneficial arrangements def wont, Mars people are not known for being accommodating or "giving", Moon is receptive and passive, Mercury is too trickster-y, Saturnians are too disciplined to tolerate the unhinged chaos of Nodal people so yeah that leaves us with Sun & Jupiter) and how draining Nodal people can be to these natives (speaking from my personal observations) people are quick to chime in "oh its bc men are trash, its not the naks" like honey boo boo i never said yang = men, im talking about planetary energy not gender dynamics. and ive literally watched it play out and i cant stand the chaos of these Nodal- Sun/Jupiter dynamics.

girlies will describe the most manic obsessive behaviour and ask "but my Sun/Jupiter person has no interest in me and does not give a flying fuck about me, idk why" and when I say its bc they feel drained by this type of behaviour they'll say "omg my Sun/Jupiter pursued ME, theyre OBSESSED with ME" idk if its being delusional or what but girl u literally just said they didnt gaf about u 😭maybe they were interested initially before they knew what it was like to be close to you and the minute they found out, they started distancing themselves. I've noticed the tendency to be delusional among Nodals and they always act like they're doing YOU a favour by unleashing their chaos on you. I knew a girl a long time ago who had Ardra Moon and Mula Rising who gave me random updates of the tiniest tidbits of her life and constantly overshared to a bizarre degree when it was absolutely clear i wanted nothing to do with her and one day she had the audacity to tell me that she was doing this because she thought i was lonely??? bitch what 😭😭 perhaps she genuinely thought she was helping me somehow and was offering me her company but she was completely deluded about how i "needed" her companionship or whatever bc i would act so cold and disinterested like girl can u not take a hint 😭

sorry Nodals but one thing I cannot stand about imbalanced Nodals who have no other planetary energy to balance them is how they completely lack self awareness and are absolutely delusional about how others see their behaviour

another Ardra stellium girl I know had a spam account on IG where she had like 30 followers and THOUSANDS of posts, she literally posted every spare thought she had in her head, including really embarrassing and completely personal details about her life and i told her i was concerned because others could see this info and use it against her and she told me that her "followers want her to be a vlogger" because she's "so entertaining" like bbg people find Trisha Paytas interesting, does not mean she isn't unhinged

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secretaccountlol · 2 years

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"50% of marriages end in divorce, Peter Parker!"

You and Peter have been roommates for about 2 years now, what happens when you’re tiny teasing goes a little too far. THIS IS SMUUUUT!!!! 18+ YALLLL!!

Uh- fun fact Peter calls you pumpkin because you devoured a whole ass pumpkin pie in front of him once when you were drunk.

You stretched, groaned in pain, muscles gone stiff from sitting and typing all day, you glanced at your computer screen, working at home had its perks but also its downsides. Cons, body aches, and always inside, Pros! Always inside, no need to mess with the people of New York, you can wear whatever (or no clothes at all), and best of all you can spend all extra free time with your handsome roommate, Peter Parker.

Now were you expecting to fall heads over heels for your roommate of two years? No, but your little heart could only take so much teasing, these two years you spent together were full of accidentally walking in on each other in underwear, pretending not to savor the sight of each other’s bodies. Also- that one time you kissed at the Christmas neighbor block party, mistletoe and peer pressure can be a bitch. A familiar click rang through the air, killing your thought process.

“Honey! I’m home!” Peter sang through the air. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. You shifted in your seat pushing yourself upwards to meet eyes with Peter. “Hello Peter, y’know if you keep yelling that everytime you come home could you wait until you’re inside the door? The neighbors are gonna think we’re married… again!” you picked up a random book to fiddle with, in the middle of the sentence, you couldn’t keep a straight face imagining Pete and you like.. that, it made you shiver, not in a good way.

“Okay- well” Peter paused as you heard the cabinets and fridge slam open close. “Kinda defeats the purpose cos you’re supposed to say it when you’re just making it through the door!” His voice cracked a bit, it’s something you've noticed he does when he’s in a good mood. You lift your head again to watch as he joins you on the couch, plopping down. He pushes the sandwich he was making in front of your face, inviting you to take the first bite, which you did happily. Him letting you steal pieces of his food was a daily occurrence,

He smiled, biting right after you munching in deep thought. “Plus-“ he swallowed “What’s so bad about us being married? I mean it comes with a lot of benefits' ' he stated matter-of-factly. You couldn’t help but burst out laughing, causing the boy next to you to frown, “I’m sorry! But what benefits Pete?! To fuck eachother without judgement?” You giggled, Peter took another bite outta his sandwich, he looked up at the ceiling, his brain racking from the information you asked for . “Mm well, Tax deduction, social security benefits, and if you play your cards right, you’ll be less likely to be depressed.” He triumphed. You gave him an incredulous stare. “Ha- yeah right 50% of marriages end in divorce, I doubt that last fact is true '' You spewed while sitting back to join him in the staring contest with the ceiling. “Besides, they’re a new guy who moved in on our floor, he’s pretty cute. Wanted to get to know him before anyone decides to gossip about us to him, I wanted to ask him out for drinks or something..!” You picked at your hair, as you monologue, just cus you like pete didn’t mean you couldn’t pursue other options.

“What do you by fuck eachother without judgement?”

You straighten up a bit, to slowly turn to him, always a surprise when he cusses. You scoff slightly looking away, “Ah- uhm well. I mean- it’s nothing! But those idiots with the megaphone were outside of the apartments again screaming about how were all doomed and sinner and sex before marriage means you’re going to hell blah blah blah.” Peter nods along as you mimic someone talking with your hands. “That’s what I was talking about, that's all.” You sighed, relaxing back down into the couch. “Do you really believe that though?” Peter inquired, his eyebrows raised slightly. “Wh- no of course not. I was just joking about it.” You stumbled out. Peter hummed to himself, he was back into that science brain of his. You could never tell what he was truly thinking, he was always pretty open about his emotions to you but, when it came to other parts of his life, you didn’t know much.

Like of course you know he loves hotdogs, his favorite soap to use in the morning or how he likes his coffee. But you didn’t know where he worked, why he worked such odd hours so often, not to mention how he would disappear for days and come back randomly. You never pushed for an answer but he definitely knew you noticed his weird schedule.

Peter smacked his hands together knocking you out of your thoughts, again. He hunched over to dust the invisible crumbs from his sandwich off his seat. “Remind me to complain to the landlords about that, it has to be illegal.” Peter muttered halfway to you halfway to himself , You chuckled “it’s New York, no one cares if stuff's legal or not.” You stood up, “uh- Imma head to my room” you bit your lip, it’s a nervous habit of yours, all this marriage and sex talk made you.. ansty to say the least. “Oh? Let me help you then-“ before you could decline the offer Peter scooped up your laptop and walked to your room. You mentally slapped yourself, so much for your “me time.”

You jogged to your room, Peter already made himself comfortable on your bed as you took a seat at your desk where he sat your computer down. Awkward silence ensued, if you had laser eyes they would have burned a hole through the floor , Peter broke it “I really wouldn’t mind being married to you-“ you flushed. “Ah- you said that already, Pete” you finally tore your gaze away from the floor to meet his eyes, scanning his body in the process. He was wearing red socks, gray sweatpants that showed his.. package off well, and that stupid t-shirt you gave him first month you moved in. It was a part care package from your job congratulating you for hard work. It was random stuff like pens, a mug and the shirt of course, you were never one to do free advertisements so you gave it to Pete instead. You couldn’t help but smirk.

“Ah- you’re right I did- haha” His arms were behind his spread evenly on the bed his legs apart, you could clearly see his third leg. “What’s with you being stuck on this marriage thing, are you trying to rope me into a scheme, Mr. Parker?” You teased, crossing your arms. “Oh pfft no it’s just that…hm.” He rubbed his hands along his face. “I- I’m trying to figure out a way to say this without..sounding weird.” He admitted, his tone shifted, it was softer than usual. You unfolded your arms, leaning towards him “Hey, you can tell me anything I won’t think it’s weird. That’s what friends are for.” Your hands touched his knee, you felt him tense under your light touch. “Mm, well..” He rubbed his hair through his hands as he straightened up. “Fuck- okay, look I- don’t want you to go out with that guy, pumpkin.” His eyes met yours, confusion was written all over your face. “Okay, but why? Is he an asshole or something?” You quizzed.

“No, he’s not- I mean I don’t know I’ve never met him but- man this is harder than I thought.” Peter mumbled through his words making it even harder for you to understand what was wrong, suddenly strong hands gripped your waist. “Whoa- Pete?!” You manage to squeak out as he places you right on his lap. “Okay Peter this is weird, What is up with you today-?“ “I like you.” You freeze. “What-?” “I like you, that’s the reason why I don’t want you to go to talk to that dude.” He tilted his head to look at you, you couldn’t resist those puppy eyes. This was insane- all this time you thought this attraction was one sided. “I- oh?” You muttered , Peter nodded his head, you bit your lip again, then a sly idea plagued your mind. “Mm, never thought you were the jealous type, Pete. Not gonna lie, I find it pretty cute.” Pete’s eyes perked up with wonder. “I- what? I’m not .. jealous. I mean you guys have never talked before so what’s there to be jealous of-?” Peter rushed out trying to shut down your statements, you tsked him rapid fire excuses, as you tried to move off of his lap, but he grabbed you tightly forcing you to stay in place, you swallowed back the moans that we’re begging to be released from the simple action. “Hm no I think you are- I mean why else would you be so opposed? Afraid he’ll steal me away, have seeeex with me?” You smirked, wiggling your eyebrows. Peter pouted, as he rubbed small circles into your soft skin. You were only wearing some shorts and a tank top, it was laundry day, lucky break for Peter. His hands slid up slightly, tickling your skin under your breast, you couldn’t keep your façade up, you moaned.

Peter beamed, “Do you like that?” He whispered dipping his head down to peer into your eyes, you nod trying to resist the urge to look away in embarrassment. His hands slowly creeped up to your breast toying with them softly, he chuckled. “No bra today?” Peter smiled as he pinched your nipple. A jolt of energy makes you perk up as you stammer out a response. “Ah- well laundry day remember-? A-and Kinda forgot I didn’t have one on..” he laughed again. “Cute.” God you didn’t think you could turn this red. “Can I go further?” He spoke gently, “I don’t want to force you to do anythin-“ “Oh my god yes please go further I’m tired of my dildo..” you didn’t mean to let that last part slip out. “Oh I’ll definitely be better than any dildo-“ his confidence made you peak as he pulled your shirt off, tossing it to the side, doing the same to his shirt as well.

He smashed his lips against yours, as his hands traced down your body, you shivered. His hands reach your waistband, swiftly diving in to pleasure your clit. You arch into his fingers, moaning into the kiss. He pulls away to observe your reactions, your face is pure bliss just from one touch, his lips gently plant kisses to your sensitive spots as he pushes two fingers into you, you buck against him. “P-Peter, mm- Oh- that-!” You couldn’t even form sentences as he curled his fingers into you. “Holy fuck- right there- fuck fuck fuck-!” Peter's fingers pumped faster as he pulled his lips away from your body. “You sure do cuss like a sailor in bed” he snickered as he pulled his fingers away as well, you whine mourning the loss of your new found happiness. “Shh, don’t worry I’ll fill you up again” Peter licked his fingers clean as you tugged at his sweats. “Impatient.” You whimper again “No more teasing-“ Peter licked his lips, “You really know what to say , pumpkin.” Peter dropped his pants letting his member spring free.

“Holy shit- Pete-? Dude I’m not sure that’ll-“ you marveled at his dick, you've seen some big ones in your hay day but- you were way outta of practice by now. “Hey, don’t worry we’ll go slow okay? “ His fingers caress your cheeks as you nod against them. “Okay I trust you” you lean more into his touch as he positions himself at your entrance. “Ah shit should I get a condom?” Peter frantically searched the room before you reached up to touch his cheek grounding him again. “ Hey! it’s okay I’m on the pill.. get on with it-!” You grumbled.

Peter nods finally pushes into you, groaning softly. You bit the inside of your cheek, to stop yourself from screaming in pleasure. “I-I’m inside- shit- you feel..so good-.” Peter's words hung in the air, as he hunched over you, you could feel his breath against your ear. “Peter, you can-!” Before you finish, he pulls back and slamming into you. “Peter- holy shit! fuc-“ you gripped the bed behind you as he drilled into you faster, “Sorry- I can’t, stop god you-, you feel incredible.” You couldn’t help but squirm as he buried himself deeper into your core ,Peter put an end to it grabbing both of your wrists pinning you down, “Mm- stop moving so much, princess-“ You whimpered, princess? You didn’t think that would turn you on but holy shit it did. “Holy hell, you’re so wet- do you like that when I call you princess, hm?” you nod rapidly, you couldn’t speak anymore, too far gone. “Such a good girl-, fuck- Im- so so close.” Peter let go of your wrist to grip the bed under you, pounding into you. “I-I’m-“ you mustered some energy to try to speak, before you could at least form sentences now you can’t even form words. “S’okay, princess- I’m right behind you-” You twitched finally reaching climax, under him as he pumped into sloppily filling you up slowly with his cum.

You both pant in silence before staring at each other’s eyes. Peter smiled softly, bending down to capture your lips once more, “Mm, that was.. nice.” You chuckled at his awkwardness. “Nice? That was fucking amazing!” You gleamed. You could feel Peter’s chest vibrate with laughter. “Uhm.. so- will you be my- uh-?” Peter’s eyes glanced at yours hesitantly. You smirked, “Peter we just fucked because you told me you liked me? Yes. Yes I will be your girlfriend you doofus.” You played with his curls giggling as his eyes lit up. “Let’s go!!” He glomped you into a hug rolling around as you both laughed.

Maybe marriage can stop you from being depressed

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lake-archive · 3 months

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Voice Talent

AO3 Link - A Shared Love Between Our Posse (Masterlist)

Fandom: Hypnosis Mic

Characters: Gentaro Yumeno, Ann Wolff (OC)

Pairing: Genann (Gentaro/Ann) (Developing)

Synposis: Ann often hears Gentaro playing around with his voice. So one day they suggest that he pursue voice acting! Well… The conversation takes a… Very different turn. To say the least.

Words: 1,162

“Yumeno–Sensei… Did you ever consider recording an audiobook?”

A straightforward question, though perhaps a little too straightforward. It was one of the few times where Gentaro had been caught off guard himself, to the point where he had been tempted to spit out the ice tea he was drinking. But no, he managed to not choke on it, as out of nowhere as it was. It was certainly a question he didn’t get everyday… Or ever really.

“An audiobook? Where have thou gotten such an idea?” He asked the person in front of them. It had been Ann of course, a person he entertains his time with whenever possible. Though it might be a bit of a dirty tactic these days to do it behind Ramuda’s and even Dice’s back. But a friendly chat should not bother anyone, should it? But anyway, enough side tracking, back to the situation at hand.

Because the next thing they did was nod several times. “Yeah, an audiobook.” They responded, grinning a little, as if giddy. “Your voice acting performance in Magic House Murders for one of the characters was incredible! Are you sure you’re a newbie at this!?”

“Oh, thou art flattering me. While I thank thee, I must disappoint thee all the same.” He responded, trying to keep his composure. Though he couldn’t hide a light smirk on his face at the very least. “It was nothing but a guest role. It was nothing outstanding.”

“Oh nonsense! That’s just one instance!” They protested, surprisingly insistent on the point they were making. “I’ve heard you a few other times. You got a pretty impressive range if you ask me.”

This only made him raise one of his eyebrows, confused but also intrigued. “May I ask for thy reasoning?”

“Ah– W… Well… I have attended some of your readings before. Even the most recent one!” They admitted, having him a bit surprised. Actually, he had never noticed Ann in the crowd at any point. Nor could he recall seeing them. Maybe he was just too busy. Yeah, he wouldn't notice them everytime. And yet, it was an odd feeling to know that they have heard him read any part of his stories out loud… In a good way of course. It was just unusual is all.

“And I have to admit, the way you read is very immersive! Especially the voices you give your characters! Like that old, twisted witch Isolde–Sa—” Yet they interrupted themself there, a bit of red on their face. “I mean Isolde had to face. When she tried to free the people from her grasp.”

Isolde? What was— Oh, right! Actually, Gentaro recalled it. He just needed a bit of a reminder on his own. Ann had been speaking about one of his latest stories, a story where he wanted to explore a little bit and had taken up the world of fantasy for some of his novels. He even wrote about a young woman as a protagonist, one who has been abandoned by her mother at a young age and is leading the rebellion to bring her mother’s reign to a fall. Said protagonist was the character Ann had mentioned, Isolde. Actually, in the last few conversations he was surprised to find out that Ann was such a huge fan of the novel series and its adaptations. For him it was nothing but an experiment, trying himself at something new. Though he had to admit that it was a one and done deal. He didn’t plan to pursue the story any further, this tale had been told. And yet, the enthusiasm the young person had for such a small story of his was making him chuckle, they were clearly holding back whenever bringing it up.

“Not just that but your voice for the Black Knight was just as I had envisioned when I read it myself! So calm yet intimidating. And the way you have delivered his whispering… Good thing I sat in the back row that day or I might have gotten goosebumps.” They continued to explain while recollecting the memory of said reading. Honestly, all Gentaro had done was doing his job. But Ann seemed genuinely impressed with his voice work, complimenting it non stop. Honestly, he felt a little flattered when hearing their praise.

And they certainly did not stop. Praising his voice for several characters – How he voiced the mother in peril, the stuttering knight and even Isolde's own mother. Not to mention his narration, apparently being so soothing yet at the same time keeping one's attention. Not too slow yet not too fast, just the right tempo to digest everything.

He was at the brink of blushing, a rare occurrence. Ann knew how to make Gentaro all flustered, even if unintentionally. They were very enthusiastic, as if trying to convince him. Or were they just having fun talking about it? Regardless, he couldn't just let them get away with this. He had to distract them and fluster them in return.

“Oh my, I appreciate thy praise.” He began yet it was sincere. But that did not mean he would show any mercy. “Though it appears that thou art enjoying my voice quite a lot.”

“Huh? Well, I do think it's impressive, so–”

And yet, he managed to cut them off with one simple gesture. He leaned a little forward across the table, putting his drink aside so it was at a safe distance, enough so that he was close to them, in a distance that he was able to whisper: “If thou enjoys it that much, I shall provide thou with free samples~”

He saw them growing stiff for a moment, face bringing the usual – Flustered from one moment to the next. “Eh!? Wait, what are you–”

“I do not mind. Would thou be so kind as to help me practice?” And to add even more fuel to the fire he stretched one of his hands out, gently touching one of their facial cheeks with his palm, gently caressing it. He could feel their skin, their goosebumps forming and it was amusing. So amusing that he couldn't help himself but chuckle, that smile of his staying for a while. He knew it would because he couldn't help himself. “Thou can make me say whatever thou art wishing for. How about it, Ann–San? “

“I… Er… Uhm… Y… Yu… Yumeno– lSensei! Don't phrase it like that?“

“Oya? But I mean it. I will say whatever thou art wishing for. Go on go on, don't be shy~

“Wait a minute! That–”

“Do thou wish to hear sweet nothings? Or a confession? Or maybe thou want to place embarrassing words into my mouth? Whatever thou wants me to say, I shall oblige. “

“Ah yeesh! Don't toy with me like that!”

“Haha, how cruel. I am not~” An obvious lie. And yet it was just too hard to resist. Ann was just too adorable for their own good.

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antheshewro · 3 months

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Una mattina

It took a cup of tea and a stop on a local café to make Levi learn how Hange, his partner perhaps for life, hid something big from him. Something as big as another person, and a baby, involved.

Perhaps going out that day had been a mistake.

Warnings: Levi x Hange x OC; i decided to headcanon Hange as trans with male genitalia and implicitly female upper body, using she/her pronouns; post!war, maybe a bit AU since i changed a tad bit (maybe more) of details to fit what I wanted to write, as you'll read, and probably would sound more modern than it actually should be but oh well; pregnant!OC; kind of pregnant!reader;

Before You Read: this is the very first fanfiction I post on Tumblr and in English, which is not my first language so be nice to me ♥ hope you all will like this first chapter! (psa i'm not that familiar with warnings, tags etc lmao bear with me)

Chapter 1.

Four months have passed from the war between Marley and Paradis, or as humanity liked to call it, "The Battle of Heaven and Earth". Since its end, there had been soldiers who went back to Paradis, while some decided to settle in Marley; everyone, at the end of the day, chose what they saw as the best option for them to pursue a new life.

In a nice café in the city centre of Liberio, now rebuilt after the Rumbling destroyed most of it, Lawrence sat on a single table outside, drinking her cup of tea in complete silence. Her golden rings would subtly tinkle everytime they came in contact with the porcelain of the cup, making it the only sound she'd hear.

A quick glance to the sky made her see how the late afternoon sky was clear, an orange hue appearing as the sky prepared itself to set. It was chill enough to keep her jacket suit on and warm enough not to freeze. The café welcomed a few people and their silent chattering, as if no one wanted to break that quietness.

A few tables far from her spot, her eyes caught sight of a man sitting alone. Older than her, pale skin, black hair. A first glance made her learn he had a cane next to him, a scar that went from his right eye, now white and probably blind until the bottom corner of his mouth. The hand he had on the wooden table had its middle and index finger missing. His face was clean shaved, with tiny wrinkles around his eyes. The black suit he wore made him look like even more stoic than he actually was.

She wasn't the type to stare or bother someone with her insistent looks. Lawrence shifted her gaze towards the scenery ahead of her, occasionally looking around the main street. Her free hand, the one that wasn't holding the tea cup, gently caressed her swollen stomach.

The man's senses could easily pick up Lawrence’s stare on him. At first he would ignore it, since he had already come to terms with the fact that he, being the way he is, was likely to grab someone’s attention whether he wanted to or not. Not like Levi was trying to hide anything from others right now, he was just here to enjoy his coffee.

A few more flicks of her eyes and he knew he couldn’t ignore her any longer.

He finally decided to look back at the woman, a neutral expression on his face.

Lawrence tilted her head and met his only functional eye, and she was sure his blind one would've been staring at her with the same intensity, if it still worked. She only gave him a final look of acknowledgement, knowing it was sufficient, and lowered her gaze towards the cup of tea.

There was nothing unusual with the item. It was a normal one, with a bit of the beverage and sugar at the very bottom of it. Lawrence would find more entertainment on staring at the cup than anything else, at the moment. With a slow gesture, she lifted herself up on the chair, leaning back on it. Her hand stopped brushing on her stomach, but stayed on top of her pregnant belly.

A few seconds would pass before Levi decided to break the silence between them, the coldness in his voice making it apparent that he was far from pleased with her staring but understood she didn’t have any foul intentions with it.

“May I ask what exactly are you looking at?”

He stared unblinkingly at her, waiting for her answer. His expression was cold, but there was clear interest in his words.

Lawrence lifted her gaze up at that question, her brown irises meeting Levi's grey eye. It wasn't exactly the way she planned to approach him, but it was so sudden she found herself chuckling quietly, under her breath. Her hand, the one holding the tea cup, placed the item back on its small porcelain plate.

"I'm sorry, I know I've been staring," She began to say, while her fingertips played with one edge of her jacket. A couple of seconds passed, with Lawrence staring at him, biting her bottom lip as she seemed to think about something.

"Hange probably didn't talk about me to any of her colleagues."

For a moment, his expression remained unchanged, not registering the name the woman had mentioned. Eventually, it would suddenly turn in something warmer. Not fully warm, but enough to be noticeable. After all, he wasn’t so stern that he’d be immune to his emotions. As if a switch had been turned on, it seemed that his interest had peaked. A small smile found its way to his face.

“Hange?” He asked softly. His voice was much more gentle now.

Lawrence nodded slightly, while her mouth curled up in a bittersweet smile. The same feeling Levi was experiencing was very known to her. It didn't matter how many weeks and months passed from the end of the war, Hange's passing was still a wound that didn't seem to be healing anytime soon.

"I was her girlfriend." She quietly replied, pursing her lips together after she uttered those words. Her hand slid under her stomach, holding it gently.

Levi’s expression would change once again, this time looking a bit pained. A few blinks would have him snap out of it, and his cold expression would quickly return. For a moment, he would be silent, his own thoughts distracting him from the small conversation they were supposed to have.

That name… it had to be one he’d rather forget, in a way. Not once that name or face left his mind, or his dreams. A reminder of the guilt he felt in her final moments.

He cleared his throat.

“Hange had a girlfriend?”

Her head would nod again, confirming his suspicions. Right after Levi spoke, silence fell upon the two, mostly because the topic felt like a fresh one. Lawrence lowered her gaze on the wooden table in front of her, with her free hand grabbing the tea cup to move her index finger along its edge.

"I found out I was pregnant by her a week after she passed." Lawrence revealed, glancing up at Levi for just a second. Her fingertip tapped on the cup. She wasn't able to say anything else, afterwards.

Silence.

Levi would remain quiet, taking some time to process everything that the woman had said. With Hange gone, his mind was all over the place. There was an empty void left in his heart where Hange had once been. The thought of someone he cared about having her own life, her own person outside of him that she’d held so close for so long? Uncomfortable. Unacceptable.

But then he looked at Lawrence, with her soft, kind eyes, her gentle smile. Hange had loved her.

“I see.”

#attack on titan #aot #levi x reader #levi x hange #levihan #levi x oc #hange x oc #post war aot #levi x pregnant!reader #hange x pregnant!reader #aot x ooc #aot ooc #levi x pregnant!oc #shingeko no kyojin #snk

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onlyswan · 9 months

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Hiii Art!! How have you been and how's your work/studies whatever it is that you do. Good? Eh? Well mine's kinda on a dry and wet mode rn lol.

Mind if I rant here?

I have 2wk worth of exams coming up and I have no motivation to study. I honestly regret taking up the course im studying for. I mainly took it up because its lucrative and helpful in today's economy. But honestly I should have just pursued 14yo Lyfie's dream to become a nurse. It wouldve been so much more rewarding🥲🥲🥲.

Anyways despite that im just praying my gpa doesnt go down the drain, and im gulity right now because i wasted the whole day doing nothimg even though i told myself to go study. I couldnt do it. I just......well i knew what i was doing was bad but everytime i looked at my notes i felt as if i knew them all, and in the end achieved nothing. Sigh i hate myself for how repetitve this unhealthy cycle has become. Parental pressure isnt helping either. I try ranting and they say its just momentary tiredness and it would go away soon and then further guilt me into wasting time :((((.

Wow that became long. Im so sorry for litterally trauma dumping on you, especially if tou had a long day. It would be the last thing you'd wanna worry about 😂😂😂

Anyways i wanted to ask you about your writing, both as a fellow fic author and as loyal reader of yours. What inspires you to write?

(I.e set time aside to write your fics and even feel motivated to open up that document? I have so many plot bunnies, headcanons and fic ideas, but no matter how enticing, everytime i try opening up my google docs, that burst of excited energy saps away. Urgh its so frustrating!!😠)

And for your fics, we had possible teases of engagement btwn jk and oc and even f2l hopelessly pining jk and oc. So i was wondering will we ever get a confession scene 👀👀👀?

I rmbr when jk ssid somewhr in an interview where he would love to lift his partner up and kiss them and my mind went str to the in which couple lol knowing your writing and since its jk its gonna be so cute cheesy and gonna involve tears 😇.

Funny enough i also know that both oc and jk are heavy on respecting e/o be it space or privacy, and when i heard Twice MISAMO's Do Not Touch song which was about consent and it was potryaed beautifully compared to art masterpeices, it got me thinking about their initial stages of skin ship or how they got comfortable around e/o physically or even their first time. Idk im just so invested in this universe lol 😭😂

Hmmm, but thats it for now. I'll reach out to you soon!!! :D

-Lyf

hiii lyf <3 work is draining and some customers are rude but my co-workers are fun to be with so it’s alright 🥲 uni also started this week and it’s nerve wracking but also soooo exciting !! i’m just gonna need some time to adjust to this new life + schedule 😬

i’m so sorry to hear that beloved :( i’m sure with the given the circumstances that you chose what you thought would be best for you at that time and i think it’s important that you recognize that too !! 🫂 and yesyes studying is so freaking difficult especially when you don’t feel motivated >:( for me personally time management has been pretty helpful. i love schedules ^^ sometimes i do house chores first to get my brain into work mode too and i give myself little rewards during break times (which are sooo important) or after studying hehe like snacks or screen time !! please look after yourself and your health. 🥺

dw i’m mostly fine with you guys ranting about stuff like school !! because same !! but i’m just putting it out there that when it’s abt triggering stuff i have to restrain myself 🥲 i don’t reply to those because it really affects me badly mentally too :(

hmmm when it comes to inspiration to write 🤔 like i said i do love schedules hehe i open a draft every night before bed + in my notes i also save words/phrases/scenarios that pop in my mind throughout the day but couldn’t write yet :D but i don’t really get to write everyday bcs i’m too tired or nothing just comes out. sometimes i only write one sentence or one paragraph then pass out lol. on a good day i finish one scene and maybe start writing the next too !! a jungkook weverse live will always 100% give me a big rush of motivation tho 🤭

and i doooo want to explore the earlier stages of oc and jungkook’s relationship 🥹🥹🥹 i have many many plans !! but i just want them to be perfect so it might take me a while </3 this is still a long journey if y’all are up for it hehe thank you so much for being invested in our little iw universe !! 🥰 it truly means the world to me that i get to enjoy my passion like this :") ilysm lyf 🫂

#omg yes i think about that interview all the timehdkdjkf like he is such a romantic!!! i get so giddy when i remember 😭#art’s post office ☁️#lyf <3

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all-doggirls-go-to-heaven-2 · 1 year

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Hey I got kinda emotional and into it here so. Skip this one if you dont care but if you're my friend idk read it see if it resonates or smth

I think ill never get over the feeling that im inept or a loser because its not the fact that I'm. You know. That. Its because before even making the comparison between this person's absolute best life and my sick week I already think that. Its bad to the point that whenever I see someone share good news abt. Anything. I get jealous

And like im rlly not trying to brag but I have a decent life by my standards. I have partners that love me but don't require my affection constantly, so when I kinda shut down for 9 hours as I often do no one freaks out. I have sex quite often! (Not right now because im sick and slowly losing my mind) (and yeah this is childish but im very hypersexual and if I did not have this it would be bad for the mind) like there are people who consider me a sexy being and want to have sex with me and then we do.that. often in trios which is such a thing that my 16-year old me would have said NICE!!! To me and now its kinda of the norm for me. When its not just me n my gf having like casual fun sex its a threesome. And that fucking rules!!! I have money now!!! Saved!!!! Im moving out in like four months!!!! I already bought like paintings and tables and shit. Im finishing uni and can go pursue my dreams of becoming a film professor!!!! My art constantly gets praise!!!! And yeah, we kinda got fucked festival season because we botched some documentation but I made people cry!!! With my writing and camera work!!!! And I did that with my friends, too!! No sellout shit, no contracting a pro to get good shots, no youtube tutorial bullshit, i got three people that really liked each other and we made a fucking movie!!! And people cried watching it!!!! Like I got a legacy now. Even if its a small, insignificant one, its a fucking legacy!!! Its there!!! I can like crochet now!!! And im good at it!!!! Better than my fucking aunt who mocked the stuff I made back then!!!! And I make money selling it?? Online??? To friends??? Thats fucking cool as hell!!! Im feeling pretty? Like actually pretty? Not in a fabricated, made up, photoshopped version of me but like. I look in the mirror and I see a girl. Shes kinda messy and probably needs to brush her teeth more but its a girl. I pass all the time??? Old people call me little missy and shit. And yet I have not lost the transfem swag.

Sure, maybe some shit is bad. Sometimes you feel like drowning. Still not quite over that one breakup. Sometimes there's nothing to do. Sometimes your friends are having way more fun than you and you have no excuse to not be having fun. Sometimes uni is suffocating. Sometimes you love people so intensely that you start hating them when they dont like you as intensely as you do them. Sometimes you still put other's happiness over your comfort or safety. Sometimes you still romanticize things to make it seems like you're a less boring person than you think you are. Sometimes you need more affection than you're getting from your partners and you simply stay quiet, because you fear you're becoming like your abusers. You still havent gotten over the "I was heavily emotionally abused for the better part of a month" and recovery should have ended by now. They moved on. Why haven't you? Why do you still think of them? Why everytime someone thinks the kind of sex you have is weird you remember them telling you that and then doing it anyway? You're still the black sheep of the family. No matter how many intense life-ending fuckups your cousins fuck up, you'll still be the worst one. Because you were supposed to be perfect, to study overseas, to be the golden child. And you failed. Sometimes you wonder if you're wasting your life trying to be happy. Sometimes you wonder if you even can be. Sometimes you cry because you're sure you cant

And we just.... gotta keep on living. Trying, succeeding and failing to be happy. To have my needs met. Isnt that what its all about?

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talinhagangdibatid · 1 year

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Dear Josielle of 2022,

You initiated a conversation with a random guy suggested by your bestfriend during the night when you felt most alone. It started on Octobed 16, 2022, and months after, you are still in contact with him. Not as much and as close as you did before, but it was something I would say for keeps, because you have helped one another to get through the flow of life these past few months.

I am unsure if you can call it as deep as love, but definitely it was something that make your heart pound everytime you interlock eyes with him, and it was something that makes you smile when you conversate with him. He mad you happy for a time being. He made you feel butterflies in your stomach. He made you feel sad. He made you want to cry. But most importantly, he made you experience the thing you have always doubted. He proved you wrong about your questions and criticisms on the genuinity of mediated relationships.

He left you with lessons you will carry with you forever. He made you realize that communicating exactly how and what you feel and want and desired, is an important factor in maintaining a good and healthy relationship. He made you lower your pride, something you have never done to and for any man before. He made you say sorry and be accountable with your actions. He made you to careless about what others will think, and allowed you to express yourself the way you wanted. He made you confident, bold, and fearless. And these are all of the things that you owe to the man whose life you bombarded, for good or for bad, i do not know, but i hope you have helped him the way he helped you with life.

You are interested in him, i am sure of it. You disregarded all of the things you promised yourself you'll never like in any man: someone who smokes, someone whose a heavy drinker, and someone who does illegal things. But here you found yourself blinded by all these, and has only regarded all the good things about him: his passion towards playing baseball, his motivation to become a better person everyday, and his inspiring story which moved you since then.

However, as much as how you wanted to pursue him. He said he is not ready. He said you are only friends. He said that he is fixing himself. He said that he is still moving on and forward from his previous relationship. Josielle, there is nothing wrong about his decision. Its a great one, for he is preparing for himself so when the time comes that love knocks on his door for the second time, he can easily let love come in.

So with that Josielle, I want you to know that you already did your part. This time, i assure you, you can never have any regrets with this man. You showered him with nothing but genuine love, affection, time, and effort, in all the days that you know him and yet he failed to return those you have invested in him. Perhaps because he was naive, or he wasn't really ready, or maybe because he is no longer interested. But regardless of the answer, I want you to officially move forward from this confusing situationship.

Take all the lessons by your heart, and apply it the next time your heart will beat for another man. But for the meantime, do yourself a favor. Respect yourself, allow peace to come at your life, and improve yourself everyday. You did nothing wrong, and he did nothing wrong too. To be honest, you did your best here and all that you can offer, it was just that you are not the right individual for him, or he was not the right man for you.

I love you Josielle, and I am so proud of you.

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pastelmin · 5 days

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honestly, soulmate is my comfort movie, even though it makes me cry more than anything. I've watched it everytime I got sad and didn't know why. its a ritual at this point XD

started off strong, really liked haeun and miso's childhood and teen years. the moment jinwoo stepped in, it was such a mess but it's bittersweet.

the locket symbolism has my heart, it's almost the center of all conflict in the middle of the plot, got multiple shots of it too.

i think when people discuss this movie, they focus more on haeun and miso and seem to ignore jinwoo. he's the conflict, wedge into their relationship.

he told haeun not to pursue art, but you can't criticise it much because that's how it is in real life. art is considered nothing. he was ignorant of her interests but that's how most people are in real life.

that apart, it felt at a point that he had feelings for miso? but he stayed with haeun too. did he like them both? I'm not sure.

the dynamic haeun and miso had was absolutely amazing. several conflicts later, they're still together. i read somewhere that this movie could've been sapphic, I guess you can't rule it out since it could've gone in that direction.

the actors did an amazing job, especially kim dami and jeon sonee. you could feel the emotions through the screen. a masterpiece!

#soulmate movie #byeon woo seok #kim dami #jeon so nee #soulmate

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earths-core · 10 months

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I don't remember exactly when it started, my mother used to slap me for my mistakes and then make me sit down on a chair so she could talk to me. Punishment comes before talk, and talk turns into punishment.

The chair incident would later become a recurring thing. A child would always make mistakes. And I made a lot growing up. And a chair would always be in those memories.

Conversations with her are always very hard. She is not easy to please. A simple sentence could sour her entire mood. Speaking to her always feels like walking on eggshells that will always somehow break. In this scenario, you clean up the broken eggshells as well.

Crying infront of her will not make her soften up. Instead, she would make the punishment harder as if more pain will make you regret any more than you already do.

My mother is not a pebble that will be smoothened by water through time. She is not a boulder that will roll down when its base gives out. She is a mountain that will not be moved. A steep height that cannot be fully ventured. She is not an easy woman and that was her strength, but it was always tiring to try and always exhausting to understand its levels.

Years later and I am am still reminded of it. I was so comfortable that I briefly forgot. Whenever I feel like I am at a good place in this mountain, somehow, I am always toppled. Suddenly, I am in that chair. Back to when my eyes were filled with heat and my face was swollen. Hours of sitting in that chair, being watched, being spoken to, being yelled at.

I will always be asked to explain. Always asked to answer. But explaining never made it hurt less. Answering only made it worse. There was never any other result to these... It was always me, her, sitting infront of each other. Words spill out but no one listens.

Years later when I thought I have finally stood up. I am back in that chair. Looking back I have been punished more in this house than I have been rewarded. And I hate that I have been so, so very cruel to myself for always being guilty about giving myself rewards. I was always hiding the things that I do to make myself feel happy because I was ashamed about living a good life. As if I didnt deserve to be rewarded for anything. As if any minute I will make a mistake and the only outcome will be punishment.

There was never forgiveness, only acceptance. Because there was never an apology, they simply forgot.

Sometimes I want to let the kettle whistle. Let the steam and water spill out. But it would not scald anybody. They would only ask why I am pouring it now and not then. They would simply put the lid back on and let the pressure build up some more.

I am so tired. My exhaustion has led me to not pursue anything at all. My love for nothing would come from this house. My love for anything was exorcised out of me everytime I was sat in that electric chair.

That electric chair where so many things died inside of me. That electric chair that never seemed to let me go.

I wish I had learned to stand up for myself earlier.

#No I am not going to therapy #No I wont be reading all that #Venting #Mothers #am i right

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tw0f4c3 · 11 months

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i dont know

Everything feels wrong. Everything i think. Everything i do. I dont know whats going on. I have no thoughts, no reason to feel pain. But i do, i feel terrible. I feel like im beeing choked, with no means to escaping. Like im drowning in the ocean. I am free yet i feel shackled.

Is if the fear of something new? Is it the feeling of incompetence growing inside me?

Everything feels fake and real at the same time. How exactly does my brain work, i thought i knew - yet i sit here not understanding anything. Do the people in my life care? Yes Who cares? Who doesnt? Do they need me?

Am i wanted in this world? I think i know the answer but i cannot be sure. I am never sure. Why am i never sure? Is it because i have been betrayed and broken multiple times? Maybe But the people here dont have means to break me do they? Maybe

What about myself? Why cant i be happy? I am worthless But why? Why do i think that? I was told by a bunch of people. But why do i choose to believe it? It doesnt even make sense no? I do know what i am good at Or rather i think i am, because everytime i try to do something which i am good at i realize i am not good at it. Or am i just to strict with myself? I dont need to do everything perfectly do I? Why do i want to do everything perfectly? Because I am scared to lose everything again, because i could do mistakes, I need to be perfect for people to like me.

But thats stupid no? I should know the people dont expect me to do everything right. Its not like they dont have problems, they do know that people make mistakes they tell me all the time? But i cant make mistakes, everytime i do everybody leaves.

What exactly is my plan in life? I have a vision of what i want to be, yet i dont do anything to pursue it. I let myself down constantly, but why? Because you hate yourself

No I dont, or do I? Part of me does But why? Again Im just asking why? I just said why. People told me that i am worthless, ugly, unlovable etc. Its my choice to believe it. No it isnt. You will believe it. You will think about it.

Why exactly am i still alive? I chose to live for the people around me right? Yes i did. So why do i not believe in them right now? Why do i feel lonely even though i am not? Why do i feel like im stranded in nothingness? Why does everybody else manage to move on but not me? I dont know. You do know dont you? Because youre garbage Youre supposed to suffer. Because of what youve done.

Why exactly do i feel like this today? I still dont see a reason? I just dont know whats going on, even a few weeks ago when it was the same i at least knew, or thought i knew, what was going on? Why not know? What is different? Nothing is different. So why am i like this now? Am i scared? Yes Do i have reason to be scared? No Of course you do! You will fuck everything up! Am i sad? Yes Do i have reason to be sad? No Of course you do! You are garbage after all! Do i feel lonely? Yes Do i have reason to feel lonely? No Of course you do! Nobody loves you anyways!

I just hope that Ill get answers some of these days. I need to know whats going on, it needs to stop, the timing is way to bad, i need to function, i need to get myself under control, ive been unstable for way to long, i need to fix this, i need to do something, i dont know what but i need to do something, something needs to change does it? I dont know but maybe ill find the answer.

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juanaloveskopi · 1 year

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caffeine-versations #2:

did you came to the point of your life where you don’t often think of having someone you can call your own “home” after a looooong tiring day? cause girl… same.

there have been times when I felt like, “is this the point where I finally give up or there’s a little bit more than I can handle?” and to be honest, I didn’t feel like I already gave up but at the same time I don’t like to feel or handle it either. I got stuck somewhere in between and to whatever this place I don’t even know.

no matter how much I try to hide, I am still the same girl who’s independent but would ugly cry if I get hugs and kisses before I go to bed. cold as ice but would fuck it up with the right one. clingy side of me hiding beneath my non-chalant personality.

every night, I have this thought of, “what if I fall in love again?” and I would cry cause I can’t feel anything towards to someone who would confess that they like me, like I don’t think they deserve to be with me cause I’m a boring person. I swear, I could end my entire day just by doing nothing. sometimes I find it funny and I’m one of those people who had zero fucks given about not going out when pandemic hits (I’m not saying its a good thing though) cause that’s how I live my life. scared that I won’t feel nothing no more, and I kinda miss being in love.

I have experienced love once in my life and never again. for me, its fine that I experienced it once. yep, I self-doubted for months before I let him go and promised myself to love me more than he did. would tell my friends, “okay na yung isang beses nagka jowa at least, nagkaroon.” I would laugh and pretend I’m happy of the thought of it.

30 is the best age for me to settle down and I wish I’m financially stable that time. I’m still almost half way there, I got 6 more years to fix myself (though I think I’m okay now) and create memories that I could tell with the right guy for me. I hope he would understand why I prefer taking care of dogs and cats instead of an infant. I don’t wanna get pregnant and gave birth cause I always believe that relationship or marriage isn’t always about having a kids, its about being together til death do us part. I hope he knows I love long drives, city lights, and going to gigs. I hope he doesn’t get easily annoyed by my small morning kisses and tight hugs, for its my way of saying “I love you” or “You’re important to me”. I hope he loves his mom cause a man who loves and treats his mom right always the best for me (also, I could get free lutong ulam and free access of being her lifetime ka-chikahan). I hope he likes carbonara, and sopas cause that’s the only thing I can cook without burning it. I hope he would see me and will look for me despite of the walls I built for me to not get hurt. I hope he would pursue me when I have doubts. And I hope he’s doing fine cause I’ll be waiting here for him to rescue me. (wow, princess ka gorl?)

since I was 11 years old, I think Your Universe by Rico Blanco was the most romantic song I ever heard as a kid. I would sell my soul just to hear it again for the first time. I heard it first from my mom’s radio, and everytime it plays randomly, I would write all the lyrics in a piece of paper and searched it up on YouTube. it was the 9th song on my Friendster profile.

and as I grow old, every time I hear it, I feel like I’m in someones universe who loves me deeply. sometimes, I get cringe when I think of it but at the same time, I wanna be held so bad while Your Universe plays. to know that you’re being love is one of the greatest feeling and I really do hope I could have it. but if I’m one of those people who’s destined to be alone forever, I’ll be okay. in another life, I guess?

I promise I’ll make him read this shitty ass entry blog of mine about love when he’s finally with me. the corniest blog I did. but right now, love is not my priority cause I know it can wait. I have things and responsibilities to do, I hope its all worth it! enjoying 20’s in the best way I can 🤘🏻

~~~

and to you my future love (ew),

I have so much love to offer, its all in here and I can’t wait to finally meet you, pour it all for you, and take care of you. don’t go rush, okay? do everything you want and I want you to achieve your goals before being mine. I’ll be here… waiting.

love,

B 💋

[ Credits to @piapaints ]

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dmss-blog-salian · 1 year

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Blog Post - 01

Why Representation in Media is Destined to Fail

Like most other millennial humans, I spent my childhood binge-consuming almost every film or series I could get my hands on. Of course, a lot of this included western or various other foreign content. I enjoyed some of them and the others… Well, let’s just say that they were extremely forgettable.

Fast forward to now, I keep people screaming this term. It’s called ‘Representation’. I’ve heard that term before but nowhere near as much I hear it now and definitely not within the same context. Apparently, in western nations, people groups outside of the white majority are not happy with the lack of and/or negative representation in the media. I can see where they’re coming from.

You grow up in a country and its culture. You spend time and money to watch the shows and films produced by this culture, but then all you see are a bunch of people who look nothing like you. I can understand the frustration. So, the demand for representation makes sense, but, hear me out before you get ‘triggered’... I think representation is overrated and it’s destined to be a failure.

Let me explain.

Representation is fine. It’s nice to see diversity on the screen or within the pages of a bestselling novel. However, in my personal experience, these representations are largely vacuous. I mean they’re absolutely pointless.

You see, I’m an Indian who grew up in India - you know, the real Indian. Everytime I see my fellow countrymen and countrywomen yell and scream about representation, I become amused. Why? Well, it’s because any attempt to represent Indians will never be authentic enough and I’m sure this is true for every other ethnicity and culture.

In fact, what is authentic when it comes to representation? Culture and society is incomprehensibly diverse. How can we expect any creator to get it right 100% of the time? Even in my own culture, which falls under the broad category of “Indian”, it is impossible to decipher who or what is Indian.

In fact, even when Indians are represented in western media, I can hardly relate. Yes, you’ve got your brown skinned man or woman. But that’s about it. Indianness goes beyond brown skin. Indian representation, even when it’s done “right”, barely scratches the surface. Having said that, this is not a rant or a critique. I genuinely feel representation is overrated largely because it is hard for anyone in a foreign culture to acquire a complete understanding of what it means to be Indian. I’m sure this sentiment is shared by my fellow humans from other ethnicities and cultures.

To illustrate my point, let’s look at ‘Master of None’. ‘Master of None’ is an American sitcom starring popular Indian comedian Aziz Ansari. The show revolves around Ansari’s character Dev Shah, a struggling 30 year old Actor. The general narrative focuses on the struggles and triumphs of a 2nd generation Indian migrant with regard to his career, romantic relationships and various other personal experiences.

I found the show to be generally entertaining and humorous. However, representation-wise, the show failed to meet the standard of “authentic”. You see, the show’s protagonist is only Indian when it comes to skin color and appearance. I couldn’t relate to him as an Indian in any other manner.

For instance, the major focus of the show is romantic relationships. We see Ansari’s character looking for love, going on dates, and finding himself in hilarious and awkward scenarios. This is one of the segments where I simply couldn’t relate. Dating or pursuing your own romantic interests is still very much forbidden in India. As an average Indian, I couldn’t even dream of finding my own partner. Arranged marriages are still how the vast majority of Indians enter into marital union. ‘Master of None’ loses me here.

But, that’s not all. What I found even more amusing is that Ansari’s character is called Dev Shah. That’s a name that you will typically find being used in the Northern parts of India. However, in the show, the flashbacks of the character’s past show him speaking Tamil, which is a language spoken in the southern state of Tamil Nadu. Interestingly enough, Ansari himself is the son of Tamilian immigrants in real life. This, in my opinion, is poor research on the part of the show’s creators and again, a failure to be authentic. The fact that Ansari himself failed to notice this is an indicator of how disconnected the average American-Indian is from his/her roots.

As I stated earlier, some cultures are just too complex to pin down. Errors like the ones discussed above are almost unavoidable. Even so, Master of None was still an entertaining show.

At the end of the day, what makes a movie/TV show/game entertaining and enjoyable is the plot, the narrative, the performance, the character arc etc. For instance, some of my favorite films from the west happen to consist of an all white cast. That’s because they had a narrative or storyline that was far more relatable than any of the characters. I didn’t have my mind blown by ‘Terminator II: Judgement Day’ because it had an Indian character (which it did not); I was mind blown because of the special effects and the existential dread it induced in me with the whole “machines vs. humans” narrative. Now, that’s something most people, irrespective of ethnic or cultural identity, can relate to.

How This Relates To My Own Practice:

In conclusion, all I’d like to say is that creators shouldn't be burdened with impossible to achieve standards. Creating art should be fun - a thing born of passion; a labor of love. Everything doesn’t have to be politically correct. Everyone’s interests don’t need to be catered to. Good art transcends these trivialities.

This is what I aim to focus on in my own work. Representation has its place but I do not intend to sacrifice creativity, engagement and entertainment at the altar of representation.

Source:

Copes, C. (2021). Why All Representation in Media is Flawed. [online] BLK INK. Available at: https://medium.com/blk-ink/why-all-representation-in-media-is-flawed-e4068a5268fa.

Complex. (n.d.). Aziz Ansari, Diversity, and Being Able to Finally See Yourself on TV. [online] Available at: https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2015/11/indian-american-representations-television.

‌ Wikipedia. (2022). Master of None. [online] Available at: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master_of_None#Critical_response [Accessed 10 Jan. 2023].

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cxcinnamon · 2 years

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Sometimes, I often think to myself that someone who's full of dreams and goals in life can even stay together with someone like me who's empty and dead inside. When I first saw you, I saw your eyes, they were sad, I still remember that time, I thought it's just a glimpse of nothing, like how I see other people's eyes when i met them. Honestly, at first I never did plan to pursue someone like you because I know that we're too unlikely to be. Never did i ever think we will end up together. I was so happy and grateful that the universe was able to give me the chance to be with someone like you, though yes, I already knew, when we talked that one time while we're lying on bed beside each other, you were talking about your dreams and how much you want to achieve someone in your life, I was just staring at you at that time, smiling, but I already knew that at that time, I will never be someone you'll end up with. Deep inside I already felt scared that you will eventually leave if you figured out I'm just an empty shallow of human being who's nothing. A hollow entity who doesnt have any wants in life and just always cling into someone to find her happiness and meaning because she doesnt have any on her own. Maybe that explains the desperation of me, everytime when I felt like we're already crumbling apart, I was so scared and horrified to the thought of you leaving me all alone, again, in the dark, the same place I was before I met you. But I know, again, eventually, you will be able to find someone who's the same as you, someone that is also a sunshine to others, who's full of life and dreams and you will leave me. Thank you mahal, thank you for staying with someone like me, I won't fool myself that its possible that you will be staying here in my side for eternity but I still thank the gods and all of the stars because at least, at some point of my life, I was able to meet and love someone like you.

I love you

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hoonhrt · 3 years

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ENHYPEN WHEN THEY’RE SICK

: pairing — sick boyfriend! enhypen x reader

: genre — so soft :( (maybe angsty??)

: warnings — mentions of vomiting and being ill

: a/n — i started school again after my break so i’ve been so caught up trying to focus on it :(

･:*:･ﾟ☆ heeseung

he’d be coughing and sniffling the night before and when you ask him he is feeling sick he’d very dramatically say:

“absolutely not! i have like the strongest immune system ever baby i cant believe you’d question MY immune system”

he woke up the next morning with a full blown fever.

HED BE SO WHINY :((

wants you to lay next to you all day long csuse he claims you are his “human furnace”

croaks from your shared bedroom when you get up to get medicine and some hot soup

only agrees to take the medicine if you feed him

once he does take the medicine, he sits there with his mouth open so you can feed him his food

you just stare at him the whole time like 😐😐 am i taking care of my boyfriend or a child 😐😐

he’s staring at you like 🥺🥺🥺 cause he’s so thankful to have you in his life

he squirms into your arms and hides his face in the crook of your neck, already feeling better as you play with his hair

leaves little kisses on your neck as his way to thank you for taking care of him

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jay

tries to convince you he is okay #1

“no angel! i’m okay it’s nothing okay i’m fine psshhh no worries”

doesn’t work as you woke up from his loud coughs in the middle of the night :(

he is very stubborn and continues you to insist that he is okay and that he can take care of himself (he just doesn’t wanna burden you)

everytime you say you’re gonna go do something for him he tries to protest saying he is fine but than starts coughing up a storm

spends the whole day with a pout on his face cause he doesn’t want you to waste your day taking care of him

sucks to be him tho cause you’ll do anything for mr. jay park!

i remember someone said that when jay is feeling ill, his emotions tend to exaggerate

like he’ll feel pain in his throat but will claim his entire body hurts and he cannot move a muscle... (it’s okay it’s just the sickness getting to him)

all he wants to do is cuddle next to you and sleep

like he’ll ask for massages or even random things like piece of cake from the bakery downstairs and you go do it cause your poor boy is feeling down and you wanna see him happy :((

pays you back by buying you new things and spending all that lost time doing anything you want to do (even if it means watching a movie he despises)

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jake

NAAAUUURRR i’m gonna cry just thinking about sick little jake

his eyes are wide and glossy the whole time and his lips are pursed out into a little pout

baby hates being sick cause then he can’t go out and do fun things with you!

DEMENDS cuddles and kisses.

like i think he’ll cry if you leave his side

even if it’s for his own benefit, he clings to you like a little koala

lowkey a little dramatic, acts like his dying

“baby i think this is my last day... pls tell layla i love her” and you’re like What About Me.

you pour him the liquid medicine on to a spoon and give it to him yourself

gets so giddy and smiles at you like a goof afterwards

you bring the back of your palm to his forehead and go “you’re so hot omg”,,, he proceeds to say “i know i am babe you don’t have to tell me twice 😏” BOOYYY

treats you like a little teddy bear and holds you super super close to his body!!

pays you back by taking care of you the later week when you’re sick

･:*:･ﾟ☆ sunghoon

the only one actually capable of taking care of himself

he just seems very normal when he is sick

like he can definitely be on his own

lowkey doesn’t want you around so you dont get sick

but you are very stubborn and you stay there to take care of him

which he appreciates cause he likes being coddled a little bit hehe

it honestly just feels like a regular, stay at home day with him aside from the fact he is violently coughs every 30 minuets next to you

the only thing he wants from you is that you let him lay on your lap and you play with his hair

which you do ofc and he is just simply so happy from that

falls asleep in your lap cause its so therapeutic

“mmmm feel so nice honey” he slurs very sleepily

nuzzles his face into your stomach, searching for warmth :(((

you press little kisses around his face while he sleeps and he starts to blush but you can’t tell cause you think its just his face burning up from being sick (thank god it would’ve embarrassed him so bad if you found out it was from little kisses)

brings you flowers and gives you endless amount of cuddles as his way to thank you :((

･:*:･ﾟ☆ sunoo

boyfriend or child you can’t tell #2

will WHINE SO LOUD if you try to leave his side

“Y/NNNNN NOOOOO you can’t go~ its so cold~ im gonna freeze to death if you go~” “sunoo i need to get you medici-” “NOOOOOOO”

REFUSES to take his medicine

will turn his head the other way with a pout on his face and stubbornly shake his head

you have to pursued him with food and kisses in order for him to actually take it

takes the medicine but gags while taking it

“wheres my cuddles huh 😐”

so so so clingy :( he is pretty much on your entire lap with his head laid across your shoulder and his arms wrapped around your neck

sunoo wouldn’t be very sleepy but he would be very quiet (which makes you sad cause youre sunny is always so talkative), so he spends this time listening to you and all the things you wanna talk about

you guys watch movies together the whole day

wants you to leave kisses on his cheeks cause it makes him feel better

he pouts at you while you laugh at him when you feed him snacks

buys you all the snacks you could dream of when he is feeling better <33

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jungwon

tries to convince you he is fine #2

but wakes you up in the middle of night cause he threw up :((

he gets teary eyed cause he doesn’t wanna burden you but at the same time it hurts so bad

whimpers so much :((

he wants to be held so much, he is attached to you the entire time

you wipe his face with cold towels to bring down his high body temperature down and push back his bangs with so much care and love

“thank you y/n” he speaks so softly before letting out a huge sniffle

jungwon falls in love with you so much more

like he didnt think he could but some how you have managed to make him fall in love with you again

really likes it when you pet his head and massage his temples

he clings to you so much that he just follows you around like a little puppy

you guys watch romance movies together to distract him from the pain

will never give you a hard time like if you ask him to sit up and drink his water or take his medicine he’ll do it right away no questions asked

mainly cause he wants to get better quickly so he can spend more time with you doing more interesting things

thanks you by taking on a cute little picnic date the week after :(

･:*:･ﾟ☆ ni-ki

sleep. all he will do is sleep.

he doesnt care about anything else except for that fact that he wants to sleep

sprawls his entire body on top of yours

he literally traps your body so you cant get out

you have to physically push him off of you which isnt a problem cause he is in such a deep sleep

and when he wakes up and you ARENT by his side, he gets very whiny

“Y/NNNN why’d you leave me ☹️”

very grumpy

you laugh at this which makes him even more grumpy

how cute

ni-ki is honestly very frustrated that 1) he can’t go to practice and dance with his cheery personality and 2) he can’t kiss you!!!! (this is what is the most important to him)

so he just whines all day

whines when you tell him you have to take medicine

whines when you try to get him to sit up and eat

whines when you aren’t cuddling him

so pls cuddle the poor boy <//3

LOVES BACK RUBS

your cool hand against his warm back makes him sigh out loud

pays you back be giving you endless hugs, kisses and letting you win in games <//3

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