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mirageofadesert · 8 months

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Till The End Of The Moon and the issue of audience identification

Who do you think is the main character in TTEOTM? Who do you like the most? Who do you identify with?

One of the things I loved the about this show is its approach to story telling. TTEOTM centers on two main characters with unique perspectives, who's goals are at odds with each other. This pattern is continued with the other characters as well, each of them having a perspective based on their experience and limited knowledge of the overarching story-line.

Reading some comments (mostly on reddit), this approach to story-telling seems to have gotten mixed responses. Among the fair criticism, however, are some comments that at times made me doubt, that we even watched the same show. And while a lot of it could be explained by difference in cultural background, age and media literacy, I think there is a potential problem in whom the audience identifies with, and what they consequently project onto the character.

Who is the main character?

The Main Character is the character with whom the readers most identify and around whom the passion of the story seems to revolve. In theory TTEOTM has two main character, however, these two are not equally fleshed out in the course of the show.

While we first get introduced to Devil God 2.0, it's Li Susu through who's eyes we experience the world. She is the main character for the first part, meanwhile Tantai Jin gets introduced later, but he quickly takes up more and more space. Most of the plot, action and emotional moments are soon linked to his character. The show succeeds in making us pity Tantai Jin and root for him - even through Li Susu is still the heroine of the story.

After Ye Xiwu's death, the story switches and from this point own, we get to know a new world, the sects of Buzhao Mountain, through Tantai Jin's eyes. Both emotional scenes and plot are still mostly linked to his character. Li Susu becomes more and more quiet - and I think some of it is due to the editing. In the last few episodes there are a couple of scenes of the camera just silently circling her. Going by the pattern of cinematography establish so far, these scenes probably had Li Susu's internal dialogue, which was later cut; same as some central moments of personal growth for her character (e.g. most of the demon arc in the Jing capital).

Who does the audience relate to?

Another common criticism is that Li Susu's action "don't make sense" or that she isn't well written. I have already dedicated a long post to this topic (and why I disagree). I believe, the main problem is that parts of the audience can't relate to her.

Some of it might come down to our media consumption habits and even expectations when it comes to Chinese dramas. In my personal experience and following the discourse on different platforms, some c-drama viewers seem to struggle with self-inserting into Li Susu. She doesn't have your usual relatable c-drama problems: parents, marriage, self-esteem, controlling family, social status, popularity etc. Instead, her problems are of the world saving kind. While there are relatable subplots later on (e.g. conflict between siblings, struggling with falling for the "bad boy"), it makes sense that not everyone will feel the same way about her.

Tantai Jin on the other hand is portrayed quite relatable. In an attempt to humanize him, the audience does not only empathise with his situation, his struggles evoke the majority of emotions. While none of us can relate to the pressure of potentially becoming an evil God, motives like marginalization, being ostracized and bullied, abandoned by a parent, fearing both commitment and loss, experiencing a more or less one-sided love or one's life being controlled by forces outside one's control, are human problems and therefore relatable to a broader audience.

I do relate to both differently, and it has elevated my experience of the show. However, Li Susu's character deserves a more flashed out character development, which might have made her accessible to more people.

The be him and to be with him

Like probably many of you, I tend to relate more often to male characters than females. A reason for this is, that female characters in media are often not written well or portrayed from the male gaze. You don't identify with the eye candy, you relate to the hero. Fortunately, Li Susu is not written from the male gaze!

From the glimpses I have seen of the international fandom, fans want to be Tantai Jin (because they identify with him), but they also want to be with him (duh). This is - to no small extent - because of Luo Yunxi's acting skills and popularity. Tantai Jin is not only most people's favorite character, he is "poor little meow mew", "babygirl" and a badass anti-hero. He is both romanticized in his relationship with Li Susu and sexualized on his own.

Identification can - and this is by no means a problem - lead to female-coding male characters in head-canon. Seeing them as a desirable character at the same time, however, can bring a different dynamic to the sexualization. Please, don't understand me wrong - I'm not saying this is something I'm criticizing, nor are these the only factors are at play in this.

I think, it's rather interesting to see the different reaction to male and female leads, and how e.g. cultural bias and gender socialization plays a role here.

With this in mind, the criticism of the characters in TTEOTM becomes understandable - not agreeable, but I'm beginning to understand why people have come to these conclusions. To say that Li Susu is heartless and unfaithful, that honest communication from the beginning would have solved all problems, or that Tantai Jin's sacrifice is a blasphemous appropriation of Jesus' death on the cross (not kidding), always tell more about the person making the interpretation, than about the medium itself.

Thank you for bearing with my rambling on why Tantai Jin is the best boy, and why I think Li Susu deserves better!

#till the end of the moon #tantai jin #ye xiwu #cdrama #tteotm #cdrama meta

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tadpolesonalgae · 1 month

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im bak!!! cbmthy#15 summoned me from hades me, reading self-inserts/reader x fics: 😊😊😊 me when the reader is just as stupid as me: unacceptable!!!!

anyway, Tabby, Tabs, Tabherine.... you better not go George R.R. Martin on me and kill off the main characters. That ending really threw me for a loop. I wonder if Rhys and Feyre will figure out the arrow was actually meant for her, or just throw her in the dungeons for attempted murder? Because that's what it looks like from the outside. Man, what a mess she's in. First, the Eris thing-- I never thought about the implications with Mor and their friendship (or whatever it was), even though I was a little annoyed at how quickly Azriel threw that in Reader's face. Like, sure, Mor seemed to somewhat care about her feelings but also not really? Not enough I suppose?

I don't see Mor not doing something she wants to do just because Reader would feel some type of way about it. Maybe it's just me. The IC's neglect still stings. That splinter is still under my nail and I hope it comes out as the story develops, but man that feels so far away.

Second-- I'm dying (haha) to see how her powers would affect the situation? I mean, obviously their surroundings were affected, but what will the blast do to Azriel?? Any crumbs of answers I can get about her powers i will be taking, tbh. I know you *just* finished writing part 15 but I literally cannot wait for the next, ugh. I don't know what it is about CBMTHY but it has me hooked (you know it). talk soon - 🥐

Hi hello!!!

‘anyway, Tabby, Tabs, Tabherine.... ‘

I honestly felt a twinge of fear in my blood when you started going through the names like you were going to somehow know my actual government name 😭

‘That ending really threw me for a loop.’

🤩🤩🤩 thank you!

‘I wonder if Rhys and Feyre will figure out the arrow was actually meant for her, or just throw her in the dungeons for attempted murder? Because that's what it looks like from the outside.’

Yeah, it would be pretty awful if there was a whole misunderstanding between them where Rhys finds the letter that Eris and reader had been using and then reader gets thrown in the dungeons and Feyre’s too distraught to do anything and Az can’t tell them it’s not true because he’s passed out and recovering from a near-death experience or actually dead? Wouldn’t that be awful? 😬

‘First, the Eris thing-- I never thought about the implications with Mor and their friendship (or whatever it was), even though I was a little annoyed at how quickly Azriel threw that in Reader's face. Like, sure, Mor seemed to somewhat care about her feelings but also not really? Not enough I suppose?’

I feel like the whole Eris thing is going to cause some ripples in reader’s relationships? Either things could blow up quite suddenly or she’ll be extremely isolated from everyone being disappointed with her which won’t improve her state of mind either 🤭

I think it was more along the lines of getting reader to acknowledge what she’s done because to be honest while she needed an out and a place to go, it will still have consequences on the people around her, and reader had enjoyed her time with Mor so knowing that’s she might have ruined that would be a good(?) way for her to understand her actions? Or they could just leave her alone and get over their centuries-old animosity I suppose🤷

‘The IC's neglect still stings. That splinter is still under my nail and I hope it comes out as the story develops, but man that feels so far away.’

I know what you mean? I started to write chapter 16 and it automatically went bad I think because of being so accustomed to writing reader having a bad time? I had to delete a couple of paragraphs multiple times because it felt weird to not write something that would cause a fallout of some kind, so it’s genuinely going to be an effort to get things back on track and brighten the story line 😭 it’ll probably take a while, but reader’s story will get better

‘I mean, obviously their surroundings were affected, but what will the blast do to Azriel??’

👀

‘I know you *just* finished writing part 15 but I literally cannot wait for the next, ugh.’

Hey! I’m hoping to have it done soon!! Maybe! Hopefully! I think it’s going okay at the moment!! 🧡💛

‘I don't know what it is about CBMTHY but it has me hooked (you know it).’

Ahhhh I’m so happy you’re still enjoying it!! I’ve definitely said this before, but after the gap between chapter 14 and chapter 15 I’m so relieved you’re still keeping up with and enjoying it 😭🫂🧡💛 thank you so much, it means so much to me ☹️🫂

#🥐 anon <3 #🥐#cbmthy

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bookishfeylin · 2 years

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There are a few unfortunate book series in which the protag goes from interesting, flawed, reasonable character to power-mad villain material with no apparent awareness from the author. But Feyre is definitely one of the more depressing examples. Was it that she was used as the main vehicle for retconning other characters' personalities in the sequels? Was it that SJM decided that the narrative HAD to support Feyre's every move, that nothing she did could be judged as wrong within the book? Did Feyre end up being a weird fanfic power fantasy self insert? It's all bad. But I miss her, too. Book one Feyre? I loved her so much. Would have adopted her in a heartbeat.

Yep, I agree with a lot of this. She changes, and for the worse, when she meets Rhysand. Suddenly she's on the "high fae are superior and actually humans are bigoted for hating the people who enslave, rape, and murder them" train. Which is... yikes. And she pulls the "must brutalize the token Black man in this story." And steals from him. And then she does ACTUAL FREAKING BLACKFACE. And she runs around mind raping sentries and toppling governments and unleashing her magic not caring who else is hit in the process (Lady Vanserra) and then she locks Nesta up and. Ugh. It's bad.

But at the same time... she's both a fictional character, so I can blame the racist out of universe writing (like the BLACKFACE) on Sarah J Maas, not Feyre, and for her crimes that are viewed as bad in universe (like. The mindrape. That) that's due to manipulation by Rhysand. She's 22. 22. Rhysand is... what? 538?

She's a victim of his manipulation, of him exerting his power and influence to make his wife isolated from everyone but him, to ensure that everyone she's close to is everyone he's close to, so that he can always control what she thinks, what she does, what she knows. And I know this sounds paranoid, but this is proven PAINFULLY true in ACOSF, when he instructs everyone to hide the truth about HER HEALTH from her. ACOSF makes it abundantly clear that Rhysand has succeeded. She's isolated. Alone--alone from everyone but Rhysand, that is.

And you can even see this in ACOWAR! Anytime she feels remotely guilty about doing anything, Rhysand is like "you were perfect and amazing" and it's a trap. It's a trap so no one likes her or trusts her and so she has no allies outside of him and his. It's a trap so everything she knows is filtered through Rhysand, so he can control what she knows and does as he sees fit. And it infuriates me.

And that's why I can't be as critical of her as I can of other characters. Book 1 Feyre--every Feyre--deserved so much better. It doesn't excuse her atrocities, but... its why I try to avoid too much Feyre criticism on this page, because a lot of people forget exactly what she is: a victim of Rhysand's emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. And now she thinks it's ok to act like him, to be like him, because he's groomed her so well that she doesn't know any better.

#ask #acotar #I'm sad now #Feyre baby I'm so sorry #you deserved the world #a court of thorns and roses #Feyre Archeron #anti sjm #obviously in acohas i am more critical of feyre #but ultimately i think i also make it clear that i still blame most of the things she does wrong on Rhysand

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mdhwrites · 1 year

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What's your opinion in The Owl House villains? (The bad guys I mean not the misunderstood ones)

So the villains I haven't discussed yet mostly boil down to the one off villains and the coven heads, though the coven heads are effectively the one off villains of S2. I would also count Tibbles in this because him coming back from time to time hardly matters to the broader point. THEY'RE ALL THE FUCKING SAME. They're all just some sort of asshole out for selfish greed who barely actually interacts with the characters. The best of all of these is King's Publisher and that's mostly just because he's the one that actually has a neat magical gimmick to him that feels genuinely threatening and creative. Everyone else is fine at best, boring at worst. But it's hard to really care because none of them really matter. Even Tibbles is just there to facilitate higher stakes and barely that even for the most part with how things are framed. They're never given interesting personalities, they're never given much to do and most usually have at best one fun moment that might make them memorable or a good design and then move on. They're also the majority of the demon representation of the show, while there are no good demons (unless you count Hooty who is comic relief) amongst the main cast. The only reoccurring one that could be considered good is Big Nose, Dana's literal self insert. That's not a joke, that's what Dana has said from what I hear. And it's really awkward the fact that the ugly demons are contrasted so heavily with all the beautiful elven people. Honestly, the more people around me have talked about it, the more I probably need to do a deep dive on both how bad the implications of the twin races and beauty standards are (even Luz would be considered easily conventionally attractive and Willow is the definition of "More to love" when it comes to including a heavier set character) and why it's probably not done with the malice or the like. But let's actually swing back around to a more fundamental problem with the literal narrative structure of most of these one off villains. See, when Amphibia uses a monster escalate stakes, it's usually related to the actual plot. As an example: The lovebirds being used during a romance episode so they are thematically on point. Or giant flies highlighting the garbage that Hop Pop is selling and the larger rot he is introducing to the town. You don't get to say that with most of the one off villains. They have a point to be there but they're so business minded that they don't contrast or help the moral or thematic point of any given episode. Not only is this just pointless storytelling, it creates a deeper, more fundamental issue of them not being able to properly able to interact with the cast. Hooty's Moving Hassle is actually one of the best examples of this. In BOTH plots, the escalation caused by the villain only matters in that it facilitates downtime for the characters to talk to each other. Gus, Willow and Luz aren't interacting with people who think might is right and thus putting Willow down for her weakness but instead the angst is focused on Amity, making her the 'real' antagonist of the A plot to the point where the hunters effectively don't interact with the kids outside of threatening their lives and that doesn't say anything about anything going on. The only memorable thing about them is the line about wanting to shove kids off of cliffs because that is just genuinely an amazing joke. They at least DO get a resolution that is thematically coherent because the situation the kids are put in can only be fixed by Willow finding confidence and taking them all out. It's not a good ending because it's too easy and we don't even get to actually enjoy a fight out of it but it is narratively coherent at least.

Meanwhile, in the B plot, that side of the episode is effectively about Hubris and admittedly, Eda gets in trouble for assuming she's the best Hex'em Hold Em' player out there. But what happens after that? Eda, who only picked up the game this episode so it feels incredibly forced that she is this obsessive with it (which isn't technically bad for a kid's show but bad for TOH which wants to be serialized), talks to King, feels bad, promises to throw the cards away and then they luck into being saved when Hooty crushes the stall. There isn't an actual resolution that shows any growth or thought on Eda's part, just convenience and words while Tibbles isn't really being arrogant but smart. He also is barely interacting with the two besides treating King as a doll which is an excuse to put him in funny outfits but him being treated as a child, even by episode six, is getting repetitive by then and they don't do anything clever with the outfits besides the most obvious 'this is embarrassing' ones that any show does. And those are BOTH villains the show will use again but still not manage to ever find an actual thematic purpose to them. It's honestly bizarre that TOH sets up a rogue's gallery at all instead of just allowing it to be either the EC or the world that is the threat. Oh wait, they also do that which means no one gets to return more than twice after their initial showing besides FUCKING KIKIMORA. This even goes for fucking Hunter and Belos who barely get to be in the show, let alone as antagonists properly, because they're just throwing in too many of these wastes of space. And all of this is without getting into the fact that none of them come off as real threats. Because so often they have no part in the actual drama and their treating it businesslike, they're not actually even menacing the characters much. They're just doing the same thing they always do. I'll give Tibbles that at least. He seems to be reveling in being a villain instead of just doing his job. But this also goes for the heroes. They care so little about the individual villains, instead focusing on their personal problems, that it feels like the villains are dismissed by the characters as they don't treat this as a real problem. Frankly, if the personal stuff the villains were facilitating was good enough, that might be okay. These are one note characters after all that we're mostly not going to see again. But... they're not. This includes the Coven Heads where Terra is barely an aspect of her one proper villain episode, Falls and Follies, and has nothing to do with solving Luz's fears about the promise (which... I LOVE the fact that the promise is effectively entirely dropped from the series after that episode without resolution. Just adore that such a massive cliffhanger is mostly brushed under the rug afterwards, even to the point where Luz's choice to stay in the human realm isn't about the promise but entirely other problems.). Theoretically, Labyrinth Runners has Gus dealing with his anxiety but... He also already knows how to do that well enough to teach it to Hunter and what causes the anxiety feels very similar to MANY other life and death situations that Gus has been in so it feels kind of cheap, not helped by all the other elements in that episode that make it less about Gus, who is the only one that has any reflection in the villain in that episode and that's only because of their shared magic, but instead a Hunter episode.

And those are the better villains. A lot of S1's one off villains are used for King plotlines, even down to the only unique villains in Once Upon a Swap being for while Eda is inhabiting King. And can we all agree that King has really shitty personal plotlines that never feel they stick until his entire character is thrown out in S2 to be replaced with daddy issues? I mean, literally two of his episodes are considered the worst in the show by most of the fandom.

And he's dealing with such compelling personal issues like not fucking your friend over in a creative project or don't try to literally isolate someone from the rest of their friend group. Technically good lessons that are also not handled great frankly, especially when the latter still sympathizes with King by having him have the argument of missing Luz which will only be reinforced him being the ONLY character who acknowledges that Luz living in both realms might not be only a good thing.

And I mean, you compare this with almost ANY even halfway decently regarded kid's cartoon and it's frankly embarrassing. Rise of the TMNT, Gravity Falls, Amphibia, and Molly McGee all blow it out of the water. Danny Phantom and Kim Possible were doing way better over a fucking decade ago. Even FUCKING FAIRY ODDPARENTS, especially early on, was doing better than this at making those episodes not only entertaining but having the villains make sense to what moral dilemma Timmy was facing in a given episode. And that series literally is about wish fulfillment. It's just bad adventure writing. Honestly, it's bad writing as even antagonists like Boscha don't keep focus during their episodes. Like Boscha's episode theoretically tackles bullying by actually bringing in a bully character proper besides Amity. Instead, it's WAY more focused on Lumity and just sports shenanigans and Boscha being a bully barely registers besides "She has a bad attitude because she actually gives a fuck about her sport instead of treating like a game." Like... Her team abandons her and I'm just left with the question of "Do none of you fucking care how you perform? Is Boscha literally the only one who likes this sport in this school?"

I almost brought up Matt here but he IS in fact just meant to be misunderstood since after his first episode, he's really just a good guy with snark. Frankly though, his first appearance is one of the best in terms of actually having a villain who plays into the character angst of the episode. Then again, he was obviously meant to be a part of ANOTHER rivals to lovers ship like Lumity so get fucked I guess.

This all honestly begs the question of why the main cast weren't their own antagonists as well. Why there aren't more episodes about them clashing if the only point to all of these villains is that they're meant to facilitate conversation? Amphibia did this plenty where there might be a monster but it is ABSOLUTELY the characters antagonizing each other that is the actual villain and allows for compelling looks at their relationships. Their good sides and their bad... Oh. Well. I guess that does explain it. Can't really have Amity be an antagonist again unless you want to remember that she started as one of the worst people, not characters but as a person, in the show. Or have Luz purposefully look like an asshole. Or Willow. Or Gus. Or literally any of the main cast. They can only be bad on accident. Like losing a game you think is rigged in your favor. Fuck that.

=======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

#TOH Critical #The Owl House Criticism

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theoriginalsapphic · 1 year

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Most Mlevens seem like they're very unintelligent people. I'm not talking about the young fans, but the guys on Reddit who sit around thinking they're geniuses because they saw Mike and El kiss, and used their superior powers of deduction to observe that Mike and El are currently dating.

Then they try to refute Byler evidence that even the casual viewers noticed, and their reasoning sounds like it's coming from a person who has had zero friends or normal social interactions in their lives. "Mike wasn't upset that the Byers' phone line was busy because he wanted to call his friend. He has a girlfriend, who he called during S3, so that must mean she's the only person he has ever called in his life. Once a guy has a girlfriend, he doesn't have friends anymore or talk to anyone else ever."

First of all, I’m so sorry it took me so long to reply.

The subreddit has started very recently to accept that Will is gay, and that is after of months of being in denial of the obvious and after it had to be confirmed in multiple interviews and statements outside of the show that Will is, in fact, gay. And when I say it was hard to convince them that Will is gay, I mean it.

And don’t even bother trying to imply that Mike could be anything but their mediocre gamer self-insert that ends up living the perfect heteronormative life with the coolest girl in the world for virtue of being the main male character.

mind you, these are the same type of people that saw Mike treat El with basic kindness and decided that it meant they were in love and meant to be together forever.

There is also complete lack of misunderstanding that Will’s sexuality arc, his history of trauma, and his connection with the supernatural are intrinsically connected and that all of them are equally important to Will’s character and the story.

There is also just a complete disregard about the only confirmed queer characters in general, because if they aren’t there to be the supporting cast to the straight characters, their presence on screen is worthless and a waste of time.

If there is something that signgate has left as a lesson it’s that we shouldn’t bother even thinking about the subreddit. If any other ship had been written on that sign, the posts about it would still be up. They straight up admitted to deleting posts that discusses byler, thus making it clear that the subreddit isn’t actually for everyone despite what its name may say.

My point is, don't even bother with reddit.

#byler #i ship byler and want it to become canon for many reasons but one of them is out of spite #i need homophobes to seethe and spew foam out of their mouths at this point #also i couldn't find but i'm pretty sure that the 'eleven and will are going to have a secret love affair in season 4'#and 'will is in love with nancy and the painting is about that' came from that subreddit #again i'm so sorry this took me so long i had a week

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louellaby · 8 months

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W I T H M E

A Self-Insert Story: Solomon × Loue

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

W A R N I N G

oc × canon, self-insert, angst, hurt/comfort (?)

Loue's Note: I've been going through an emotional rollercoaster these past few days, and I don’t even know why. I've been feeling less motivated to do the stuff I love doing, even when I'm in the mood to do them. Like when I'm in the mood to draw, but the moment I pick my tablet up, I suddenly lose interest, or I'll think, "Nope, this would cost too much energy. I don't want to do it."

And so here we are; with me having written a self-indulgent story with my comfort character Solomon and my main and original character Loue. I felt like I needed to do this while I still had the energy to write. This may or may not make sense in the end, but I'm not emotionally stable enough to write something that does.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

If you don't like self-insert stories, feel free to ignore this.

It's dark outside. All I could see from looking out my bedroom window was my own reflection, lit up by the bright lights burning in my room.

The Devildom has always been a dark place, but on days like this, it always feels like it can get much darker; much colder, much stranger, and much, much more dangerous. On days like this... It makes me want to succumb to the darkness and let it swallow me whole.

It has been a while since I landed in the past. I felt like I was going to lose control over my own sanity when my demons didn't recognise me, and the realisation finally seeped it. Everyone says I'm good at adapting to situations quickly, but in all honesty, I'm not. I just try to, to keep up with the expectations.

I've been working my hardest for the longest time. It almost never felt like it was appreciated.

I've solved problems, given advice that may or may not have helped, comforted others, fixed broken connections, and I'm sure there's much, much more. But it's never enough. Nothing will ever be enough for them.

I'm not one to complain about my troubles to others, at least not whenever I have the possibility to. I'm one to bottle up my feelings until I explode. And by "exploding," I mean bursting into tears in the safety of my own bedroom. No one can see me like this. I refuse to let them see me like this.

My D.D.D. beeped, receiving a message from the one and only Solomon.

"I've gotten a message from Luke saying he and Barbatos made cakes and cookies together. He asked us if we were willing to be taste-testers."

Desserts made by Luke and Barbatos. I've always loved them; here in the past and in the future. Not only are they delicious, probably the best in all three realms, but they also give me this joyful feeling.

I want to feel that again.

I need to feel that again.

"Luke said that the brothers are with them in the Demon Lord's Castle, and we should hurry before Beelzebub eats every single thing."

...

I should want to go. Right? Because they're there. I'm obligated to see them, right? Because they're my...

No. They're not my family. Not those versions of them. I'm just their attendant. That's my job. They don't know me as well as the others back in the future. I don't belong with them. I want to go back. I want to leave this place. I can't take any more of this.

"I want to go home."

My D.D.D. keyboard beeped as I clicked send. Not long after that, I heard footsteps in the distance. They were growing louder and louder. And then they stopped. Right in front of my bedroom door.

"Loue? May I come in?"

While I still had the energy to, I got up from my bed and walked towards the door. I opened it to find Solomon, standing there with a concerned look on his face.

Now that I think about it, he's always been there for me. He's never forced me into difficult situations. He'd always take the heat himself whenever I get in trouble. He would always use his own body to shield me from harm while offering sweet words to calm me down.

And here he is again, holding me close to his chest while patting my head with a gentle touch.

"We don't have to go anywhere. We can just stay indoors and do whatever you want."

"But... I have to go. Don't I...?"

"No. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. At least not when you're with me, I won't allow it."

Solomon picks me up and walks down the hall after closing the door to my room using magic.

"Where are we going?"

"To my room. I have a feeling we will have visitors soon and the first place they'll check is your room, so it's best if you stay in mine until they leave."

"... Can I stay even after they leave?"

The man looked down to meet my eyes, and with a wide smile, he answered, "Of course. You can stay for as long as you want."

Just as Solomon said, the doorbell rang and echoed through the halls of the mansion. He told me to stay while he went out to deal with the problem we both knew was coming. I insisted on going with him to try and calm them down myself, but he refused and left the room after making sure I was comfortable in his bed.

I stayed quiet.

Listening for any hints of arguing and fighting, but there came none. Well, I heard loud voices through the halls for a moment, but it soon died down. It was much quicker than I anticipated. I was expecting loud sets of footsteps rushing their way to me, but nothing like that happened.

I heard a faint sound of the front door open and another faint sound of it closing after twenty minutes. Then, Solomon came back to his room, a tray with milk coffee and sweets in hand.

"Luke was here with Simeon and the brothers. They delivered the sweets to us, and they all wished you a quick recovery."

He must have told them I wasn't feeling well. They probably assumed I caught a cold, instead of me being emotionally and physically exhausted. Lucifer must have been the one to convince everyone to give me space.

Solomon served me the sweets he got from Luke and sat down on a chair he placed next to his bed. He assured me that no one would bother us for as long as I wanted.

He read me one of the books we bought together at the book market. He told me stories about himself when I asked him to; all the adventures he went on, all the twists, surprises, disappointments, and success. He told me that even when he was alone on his adventures, it doesn't mean I'm alone on mine.

Because no matter how difficult the road ahead will be, he'll always be there right next to me.

#louellaby #loue's berceuse #obey me #obey me angst #obey me hurt/comfort #obey me self insert #obey me solomon #obey me soloue #obey me loue #obey me oc #i just needed this

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subwaytostardew · 2 months

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I got this idea after watching your series, so I decided to share with you. What if our dear farmer accidentally found a Pokémon on their farm that they and the townspeople thought was an animal just a new species? My current ideas are:

1 - Wooloo - It's literally a sheep just cuter (in my opinion).

2 - Rowlet + Most of the first-stage/maybe second-stage bird Pokémon: They do look a lot like real birds with some quirks and I have a soft spot for Rowlet, who can also pass off as an owl so long as they don't use any moves.

4 - Mudbray line - Horse/Mule Lookalike

5 - Zorua - Illusions, need I say more?

We do appreciate the farmer finding a Pokémon question, however in terms of the base mod itself.

It is just something that won't really happen. For one it would be a technical nightmare for Thylak to code in. (We already have to worry about 10+ Pokémon NPC's.)

I think a Joltik or two is enough... I might add more Pokemon as custom animals (in a seperate mod, like Joltik's) later down the line and have a mini event of submas pointing out how odd it is but aside from that... I have enough work to do! I'm terribly behind schedule on the main expansion as is! We're approaching a year since starting and I haven't finished implementing the station repair bundles yet!

Plus in terms of story and lore - Wild Pokémon aren't really a thing in the Ferngill Republic, so finding a wild Pokémon is basically the odds of old school shiny hunting.

However, despite what we bring to the table story wise there are Pokémon reskin mods out there that you can freely use! We just won't be doing that ourselves since well... We got a lot of Pokémon to implement as is.

(We still have to do all of their events.)

There are quite a few mods out there that add or reskin animals to be Pokemon. (I do know the person who helped with Garbodor's sprites is currently working on a subtle, townspeople-wouldn't-suspect-anything-off cosmetic mod replacing all the animals and creatures which I intend to make compatibility for!)

Even aside from the workload, I want to avoid having a monopoly of sorts on Pokemon mods... While we do have a bit of worldbuilding and story surrounding how Pokemon were mostly removed from the Ferngill Republic, I don't want to squash creativity with our expansion. We've been trying to avoid giving the farmer too much character outside of basic gameplay (farming... going out of their way to befriend people... dying in the mines every so often...) because... the farmer is just a role! That's your self-insert character or OC. You should be able to interpret your own experience and imagine your own story when playing. I know a few people have strong opinions as to what Pokemon they would have if any, and I wouldn't want to force everyone to have a Mudbray. If it's not related to submas, we'll stay behind the yellow line.

Just with our mod; you'll be able to adopt the Joltik that has been with Emmet since arriving in the valley since that is part of the story.

◁ Station Stewardess Kade

#mail car connecting line

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bizarrepotpourri · 7 months

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Behind the Scenes: Smuggler's End

This one is unrelated to the Officer 432 series, but there's a lot of things going on in it, not to mention the similarity to a random frame from a manga that I haven't seen before, that I feel I need to explain a thing or two. Particularly that the thing is an unexpected fanfic.

This post contains mentions of violent crime, death and, of course, hornyposting, so everything is under the cut. You have been warned.

Important info: you can access the link only if you set explicit material to be shown in your Pixiv settings. For a good reason.

The Pixiv description is not that much of a spoiler, since the big name-drop for the location happens in the second paragraph anyway, but like I said, this is an unexpected fanfic. More on that later, because as you can read, we have a more pressing question to answer first.

How do you call a guillotine if there's no dr Guillotin in your fictional world? Thankfully, I'm a history nerd, so despite having read a local fantasy story in which a similar device was built by a man known as The Nameless Executioner, and called a Nameless Machine, I remembered that in the 16th century, a proto-guillotine used in Scotland was called a Maiden. It had a nice ring to it, so I came up with a nice little backstory for that name. There was even no need for revolution.

This story also displays that I have A Thing for legalese. An execution is just not complete without the sentence being pronounced aloud, just so everyone who's watching knows that the condemned had it coming and the enjoyment of what's coming is entirely guilt-free.

I also have a thing for piercings, in case you missed it. Since the main character is one of my usual shameless self-inserts (and I can very much show you two fingers and tongue if you have something against it), she shares all her piercings with me, and even lacks some of those I already had while writing the story. And despite not wearing some of them for some time now, I'd feel weird if I had to take out every one. Maybe not exactly "naked", but still weird.

But, let's move on to main take, and that would be why the story is an unexpected Dishonored fanfic. I had the idea that the Outsider would show up with a little gift turning ominous, if only to confirm that the main character indeed achieved something in life. It was mostly about the idea of the silver mask, extended to show a couple of scenes from Madeleine's past, much like the dream levels in Dishonored. Also, like I posted on my previous blog, my personal headcanon is that the Outsider fucks. So hard in fact that the poor girl went half crazy from all the fun.

And as for the silver mask, I wanted a scare. This is why the frame from that manga reminded me of it: instead of weird bear-trap faced little girl, I came up with Silver and Cold (probably because I heard the song before) teenage lover - the homonymity, coupled with The Outsider's genie nature, just felt fitting.

#my writing #behind the scenes #stories #creative writing #self insert #dishonored #the outsider #Smuggler's End #Ravenka hornyposting #fanfiction #fanfic #writeblr

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enneamage · 10 months

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continuing with the whole pet name/nickname argument, i think i'm kind of an anomaly in that i think the usage of petnames when it comes to crimeboys isn't as far off from real-life as people make it out to be. i'm the youngest (with a large age gap like wilbur & tommy) and i have an older brother & two older sisters, all of which frequently call me nicknames like baby or baby girl, which might sound kinda weird to an outsider but that's just how the dynamic is and there isn't anything inherently wrong with it. i don't think the issue is with the nicknames, i think it's because 1. they're real people and obviously not actually related, so it'd be like friends* calling each other darling & that's obviously gonna raise some eyebrows. people don't realize that though because the family dynamic was sowed into their friendship from the very beginning. *two people who met online with an 8-year age difference 2. the way they're written (again talking about crimeboys bc that's what i'm most familiar with) has a LOT of romantically(?) charged subtext. wilbur's often portrayed as weirdly possessive over tommy, almost like you would be in a relationship, and as you said they take any chance for intimacy & pass it off as platonic, especially when it comes to the whole animal shifter type fics. that's where the main issue comes from, not really from the nicknames themselves. just my two cents though

I agree that nicknames aren’t the source of the issue as much as a symptom of it. I know I’ve seen “sunshine” around, and that’s pretty much a fandom nickname for Tommy, so as a fanon thing it’s kind of at a crossroads. The thing I keep an eye on is if the nickname is used to create some of the power dynamics I talked about in the kink post, if it’s an act of possessiveness or it’s intended to make him seem unnecessarily small compared to other people. It’s better to think of them as tools and look at what atmosphere they’re used to create, if it either seems romantic or very charged in a steep uncanny power dynamic way.

The thing is that the fic author also has control over how old he is in a fic, so they can just say ‘of course they’re babying him he’s a seven year old’ as though that was not also a choice made by the author. Fic that is now keeping him small/young or freezing him in place to keep the ‘family’ dynamic going is in the danger zone for me recently. In a world where trends come and go and people naturally get bored or move on to different dynamics, it’s kind of telling when someone chooses to ignore what him being a young adult brings about and focuses on aging him back down or even younger to create the most extreme possessive/caregiver dynamics possible. Everyone in SBI kind of takes turns being a self-insert depending on what the author wants and there is still some innocence in young people thinking that they want to read about an ideal family, but they’re mixed in with people who have different desires as well.

It can be really hard to point to a scene and objectively say ‘this is romantic’ so I’m just working from the clues I can point to. I know I’ve always been sensitive to when stories paint two characters as each others one-and-only, like it’s very clear that their life at it’s core will revolve around and prioritise this partnership, and even that’s not completely unrealistic for a platonic partnership. The thing is, I think that’s the loophole. People can dress things up as uplifting familial/platonic relationships and come down on others for calling things into question because it seems progressive to ‘normalise’ non romantic connection and intimacy (even physical initmacy,) they’ve seized the moral high ground. Now that they have a strategy they can do what they want with the strategy, and it becomes telling what they choose to do with it.

#The sfw fic situation tag #I read a wing fic once #lot of rubbing

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leeyanyanyaaan · 1 year

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the version i imagine the traveler twins in genshin, if they were of poc instead :) or i guess south east asian version travelers AHAHA

so like, listen, i have this personal conflict where i see the twins as characters rather than player as traveler, but at the same time i also want to imagine a self insert/genshinsona interactions within the game too... it's just that it's very difficult with the designs of the twins being well... yeah :") so i thought up of my own version

at this point tho, this is a whole different version of the twins, from names, lore, everything, because the writer in me got carried away as always oof XD anyways, here's my version of the genshin twins!

Xyrena and Xyrean

Real Name: Aeryn and Rayne

General

Dec 31 (Rayne) and Jan 1 (Aeryn)

175cm / 5’9” (Rayne) and 164cm / 5’5” (Aeryn) or 157cm/5'2" if you prefer her shorter

Rayne's nicknames: Ray, Xy

Aeryn's nicknames: Ryn, Ren, Rena, Xy

Weapon: Versatile, but mainly bladed weapons

Colors: Blue, brown, white

Ryn is known to be the friendly outgoing adventurous twin while Ray is known to be the more cautious guarded calculating twin.

Lore notes:

Rayne and Aeryn, the oldest of their family of siblings, lost their parents after a devastation in their homeworld. Their parents were brave and selfless souls, always going their way to help those in need and face dangers to protect everyone. They were well regarded as loyal and close to the rulers of their homeland. Unfortunately, the devastation was far too great and wiped out almost everyone, with the children being lucky.

Needing to flee, Rayne and Aeryn take their siblings to safety from world to world. But they weren’t always welcomed with open arms as outsiders to other worlds. Since then they’ve all vowed that their home is wherever they are all together.

Rayne and Aeryn are twins (18), with Ray being older by a few hours than Ryn. The second oldest son is Rayen (16), the second oldest daughter Reyna (13), the youngest son Aryen (9), the youngest daughter Eryna (4)

Each sibling owns a piece of jewellery marked with a 𝝌 with a similar purpose as friendship bracelets. (because of my Kingdom Hearts fixation, if the names with the X weren't obvious ADBA)

But one day in the midst of their travels a god descends upon them, angry that they are disturbing the balance of their worlds and separates them all despite the elder ones begging for mercy.

And thus begins my version of Genshin :)

(Written in Ryn's POV because I play Lumine) Ryn gets amnesia, but remembers one thing, to find the last person she ever saw, her older brother. She doesn’t even remember her own name, or the rest of her siblings. But then she finds her barely intact necklace hold letters: X. Y. R. E. N. A. Paimon assumes that her name is Xyrena and Ryn goes along with it (in Ray's case it would've been Xyrean). She can’t put the necklace back together, but luckily the X remains.

As she goes through her journey, she will slowly be reminded of her goals and her family and her past. Particularly when meeting Childe and his younger brother and even more beyond that.

Character design notes:

Ryn as the Lumine twin keeps the white/blue color motif, but she is not wearing a dress because that's one of the reasons I couldn't get myself to put myself in Lumine's place, as someone that doesn't prefer to wear dresses 💀

I didn't originally think the flowers were an important part to the design until I played the Chasm chapter today, so in Ryn's case, the flowers are in the back where her side braids meet. Speaking of her hair, from Lumine's design I kept the short hair with longer sidehairs.

For Ray, I originally wanted his hair to be more reminiscent to Noctis from Final Fantasy's hair: messier with long side hair, but the picrew I used just couldn't replicate that, so I just compromised. Like Aether, he has long hair that he ties into a low ponytail. As for attire, the black/brown color motif and with Noctis being my main inspiration again, I'd imagine his outfit is a mix between the two (or to be more specific, Noctis' jacket over top Aether's outfit lol XD)

The twins, however, were VERY CLOSE to becoming yet even more Xehanort reincarnations having white hair and gold eyes... 💀

Like as if the names weren't enough of a painfully obvious reference to Kingdom Hearts smh. About the names, the idea came from how in the game the traveler is always referred to by the player's username until they unexpectedly reunite during Dain's chapter and the twins refer to each other by their real names. (Ask me about the name pronunciations if unsure! I know how confusing they are my bad haha XD)

It's not visible, but the twins have moles under their eyes! Under Ryn's left eye and Ray's right

None of the images below are mine and are from Pinterest, but I do plan on drawing up my own versions inspired by them once I get the means to do so digitally :)

#noisyanyan #genshin impact #i don't know what to tag this #genshin traveler #aether #lumine #my version #canon divergent #genshin oc #genshin redesign #sorta?#im literally writing all this with no thoughts in my head except for the diagnosis on repeat in my head so im sorry-

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toga-vibes · 1 year

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I'm on chapter... 5? 6? And I have some Thoughts.

First off I'm not the oldest Fire Emblem fan out there, just a little disclaimer. I've played Awakening, Fates, and 3 Houses in the main story, some of the mobile game for a little bit, and then the Warriors games as like. Self indulgent fan service things.

Anyways, the game play is good and probably the reason I'll be able to finish the game. I'm not able to flow through it quite as fast as the DS games or 3H, but I think it's because I'm just not used to the button mapping yet and I'm still figuring out like the right moments to engage or whatever. Cool cool, it'll get better with time.

The art style and dialogue, as well as the storyline absolutely REEKS of like a cutsey anime style. Every single female character either is a SQUEEEEEEEE THE MC LOOKED AT ME OMG or a MILF that they made to look 12 with boobs, including your dead mother. I know it's kinda personal but I miss the slightly more realistic anime style from Awakening through 3H. Even the bits and pieces I've played of Radiant Dawn look way better imo. The cutscenes take absolutely forever for no discernable reason? Everyone talks slow and the writing takes forever to get through whatever is going on. The game just doesn't flow for me outside of battle at ALL. The dialogue is cringey at best and downright painful to listen to at worst. I'm not terribly far into the story so I won't comment on it too much yet, but what I've seen so far is just bad and held back by cliches and the terrible writing. And I'm not saying that Fire Emblem hasn't leaned heavily into tropes in the past (Awakening is chock full of them) but I just don't think it's ever been this bad. And I just don't care about any of the characters! I know I criticized Byleth for being a silent protagonist but gods above I'd rather have that than Captain Colgate walking around being the most generic excuse for a self insert MC. They are worse than Corrin imo (which is saying something, because I thought Fates was one of the worst FE games up to this point). Captain Colgate is just a walking embodiment of little bits and pieces from every MC from games past and not in a good way. I absolutely LOATHE how everyone just falls over themselves to worship them. Give me conflict like between Robin and Frederick! Or at least let them fade to the background a bit so the other characters can shine like with Byleth! Ugh. This entire game feels like they're riding on the nostalgia and bits and pieces from the other games, and it feels like something that should be in the mobile game or a straight fanservice game like the Warriors games.

Anyways, if you like this game, I can see why. It's really just not for me and not what I've come to expect Fire Emblem to be like. Maybe I'll update when I slog through more of the game. I tried to avoid spoilers so far but I might make another post with a more spoilery filled thought dump.

#fire emblem engage #togaspeaks #personal

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54bpm · 1 year

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Thoughts on Maintaining Old Characters.

Don't feel like you gotta read this, I know I don't have any long term OC fans who have kept track of what I'm doing with my guys. It's more just stuff that's been rattling in my head and I feel like would be nice to jot down so people who do decide to trawl through my old art tags can see why my characters have changed in the ways they have.

I've been making characters since I was 11, which as of this post, means that some of my earliest characters are 13 years old. I still even have some of them. This blog has stuff dating back to when I was 13 (I joined tumblr a week or so after my birthday on a now deleted blog, before that I was on deviantArt and roleplaying forums almost exclusively)

I was exposed to the idea of self-inserts and mary sues (and that they were bad and nobody liked them) extremely early on, so I almost immediately swung in the opposite direction, people pleaser that I was. This first generation of characters would set up three types that I would end up remaking over and over with different coats of paint.

Prickly girls

Just so many prickly tsundere girls. Often short. Often bullies to the boys they liked. They were girlbosses who could win any fight but they also were bullied by the normies for being so weird and being outsiders. Pretty but still only liked by the one nervous guy they had chosen. The archetypal anti-sue, just a gaggle of Ebonys.

2. Tragic girls

These girls were usually innocent and silly and fun, but also haunted and sad. They were traumatized in very childishly "and then their whole family died in front of them :,,( " ways. They were never allowed to address the trauma, and everyone around them always had to baby them. Yeah, I was making those types LOL. Nooo I refuse to make progress on my healing bc then I won't have any character left!!!

3. Soft boys

I was still pretty married to the idea that I had to like boys, so the boys I made were all ones I thought I would like. This led to just a fleet of androgynous boys who wept and blushed often. I also rolled with a crowd of older tween girls who were deep in the Yaoi haze, and while I found they way they talked about the couples uncomfortable and objectionable even then, I still did my share in pumping out generic ukes to go with their bog standard semes.

I made characters in these three frameworks for like, a few years. Even after the main forum I had camped on died and I started making characters with school friends. I wasn't really pushed to change anything until a while into using tumblr.

I don't know if anyone else remembers this period of time, I had to have been like 14-15, but there was this attitude shift all the sudden that boiled down to how if you didn't have a diverse set of characters, you were a bad person.

Now I'm going to say immediately that I do think its good to have a diverse set of OCs! It's good to learn about people from other cultures and backgrounds and to put yourself in their shoes! It's also good to learn about all the ways humans can look and how charming and beautiful and different we can be!

The issue with the way this was pushed way back in pre-dashcon tumblr was that it wasn't about thoughtful diversity and exploring others lived experiences. It was about making sure you looked like you weren't racist to the other 14 year old white girls who still hadn't unpacked what watching South Park had done to their brains and were actively sending death threats to Lucy Liu for being on a Sherlock Holmes show that wasn't the one with the white men who might kiss any day now guys. When you see people mocking the Ultimate SJW Tumblr Character (you know what I'm talking about, the just caricature level mocking of disabled queer people) it's from this era of posts.

I saw this and I saw people dumping buckets of anon hate and bullying on just anyone who caught the mobs fancy and I very ungracefully slapped new ethnicities on a chunk of my characters. And it took me an embarrassingly long time to look at some of the choices I made and to go "Yikes!" Almost no one was an offensive stereotype or anything, but I definitely had picked characters that lined up with tropes without realizing it. (Important note, I did have some characters that were disrespectful to Roma culture, and an atrocious belly dancer character. I've completely gotten rid of them and I do recognize now how they were disrespectful and played into racist stereotypes.)

And this is still something I'm working on monitoring and fixing in my characters. I'm not gonna lie and say I've become the ultimate anti-racist. I'm white, I've only lived in majority white areas, specifically Oregon which has an extensively anti-black history as well as a lot of issues with orientalism, and I grew up on early 2000s media and all the baggage that came with that.

Speaking of 2000s baggage and weird yaoi culture. I am sorry mlm for the atrocities of boys I have made. It was that classic case of "I'm supposed to like boys so I'm going to make boys who are basically girls and then pair them with each other so I never actually have to deal with the anxiety of them actually being attracted to me." I only had like two characters I would say felt like they could genuinely be gay men. It was only after I was like a year deep into accepting that I was genuinely a lesbian that I looked at my gaggle of boys and went "oh shit, these are all lesbians, these are lesbian dynamics." Which like, yes I don't feel great that I used mlm pairs for my own character development. I know it's not uncommon, especially if a lot of your exposure to the idea of being queer was through tumblr, but it's still not great.

All this to say: I love my characters and I want to be more thoughtful with them. Most of my characters are 5+ years old and they all just need an overhaul. I'm taking most of them back to their prompts and rebuilding from there, I'm also turning a majority of them into lesbians. I want to explore all the fun wlw dynamics I never got to play with growing up. And girls are just more fun to design for me! Sorry!

As I put out new refs you may notice some characters look varying levels of different, some have been replaced with new characters taking over their roles, and some are gone completely. You are always welcome to reach out to ask me about any choices I've made and any concerns you have about the things I've made, past or present. And if you take anything from this it's that you should always be vigilant about how unconscious biases can slip into your creative works.

Thanks for getting to the end of this long ass post, it's one I've been thinking about for a while but had to take some time to put to paper. It's important to me to keep up my old art posts to see my growth as an artist and a person, but I also don't want to act like I still agree with every character choice I've made in the last 13 years.

I hope you can support me as I continue to grow as a person!

#livs words #long long post #if you need a tldr this is a reflection of the weird baggage i carried into my characters for a long time that im working to correct #discussions of racism and mlm fetishism #also important note #im not posting this to get good boy points and congrats #continuing to check yourself for unconscious biases is like #the barest minimum thing you can do

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chaoticrobotics · 2 years

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I want to say I fully support your choices writing about the nonromantic relationships between the animatronics. I can't really find the words for how to say it but I (at least) like seeing the characters interact without constant shipping undertones, and I appreciate you having them in your world but not forcing them. I also think it makes the story more entertaining to read and see them interact as friends knowing how they feel about each other. It also gives you more freedom with your story than just romance. Thank you for trying to make sure all of us are on the same page on what you want your story to be and I support your decisions because I enjoy it and I hope you do too.

[Thank you so much for your kind words!!! I will say, I use to be a person who would ONLY find fun and value in romantic relationships, to the point that if I didn't ship two characters, they would just never interact or would be super boring. I am glad to say that I grew out of that mindset, or at least I feel like I have!

I think once I fully accepted that I was aroace is when I started to put more value in relationships other than romantic ones. I realized I was just projecting my lack of romantic love onto characters to try and "fix" myself. But now that I know that romance is not the only valuable relationship, I can have a lot more fun with characters without having to justify myself for a ship that just wouldn't work. (though I still sometimes project myself onto characters and want to have an ideal relationship, which is why I tend to ship Moon with Monty and DJ, because I really like Monty and DJ and project myself onto Moon that it is almost like a self-insert without it actually having to be me lol)

Also, like, some of the non romantic relationships are so fun to write! Roxy and Monty are absolutely my jam of chaos! Sun, Chica and Freddy are such cute friends and just want to help everyone out! And then just Mapbot with everyone causing their own special chaos!

Like, I am just really happy to explore all kinds of relationships now and not put all my energy into shipping. Sure I still project onto characters, and there can be shipping undertones, but I don't want to make that a focus. Mainly with Chica and Roxy, the two can still have a friendship along with a potential romance. So many times I see ships where they are just romantic partners and barely have anything outside of that. Without the romantic love they don't even seem like friends, and that is something I want to avoid.

I don't know if any of this is making sense, I am legit rambling and going back and adding stuff. Not making this all that coherent because it is really hard to get my words out on this topic. And sometimes I feel like a hypocrite because I FEEL like I am putting too much emphasis on ships and crushes, but then I SAY I want to try and avoid explicitly shipping stuff. IDK. I contradict myself all the time.

I just want characters to be friends and family! To let them have dynamic relationships with layers to them. My main goal is to make characters feel 3-dimensional, and not just a caricature (which I was starting to fall into with Chica, but I think I've developed her a bit, now I just need to work on Freddy).

Anyway, small ramble over! Thank you for your kind message! I want to try and include everyone I can on my blog and in my ideas. I know everyone has their own ideas and opinions and most are valid (if they aren't harmful) and really I just want to have fun and play around with characters and stories!]

#chaostalks #noart #rambling #also like #DRAWING shippy stuff is hard lol #one of the main reasons i don't draw it #writing is a bit easier #but i still try to just keep it to crushes #or ambiguous #but yea #thank you for the kind message!#i'm really glad you like my decision #some ships might become more prevalent later on #or not #we will just have to see how it goes

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im-no-jedi · 2 years

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MLWTBB: First Time For Everything

aka the (continued) journey into my self insert nonsense✨

chapter summary: Hannah begins carefully making her way through Eldya’s building in an effort to find Hunter, discovering some things about herself along the way, and eventually finding out some things from Hunter as well...

notes: this is a continuation of my story, “My Life With The Bad Batch”; I highly recommend reading that first before this one! I created a few new planets for this story. I’m also not 100% versed in SW terminology, so forgive me if some things are labeled incorrectly! each chapter will be rated accordingly, as opposed to the overall fic. lastly, there is romance in this story. hope you enjoy! 💙

add. notes: this chapter was edited and proofread by my sis @jam-n-ham! thanks sis!! 😋💙

Chapter 10, 4100+ words, rated T (mild violence, mentions of past injury and blood, and someone with nyctophobia being completely stuck in darkness, big oof 😵)

previous chapters: Prologue - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9

next chapter

✨MLWTBB masterlist✨

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More so than any other time that day, Hannah was completely focused. Her anxieties still plagued her, but unlike before, they fueled her desires and actions as opposed to hindering them. People’s lives were on the line, including those she cared about the most, and that was more than enough to get her to do what she needed to do.

After getting back into the elevator, Hannah contacted Echo to let him know she was on her way back to the main floor again so she could help. Unsurprisingly, Echo wasn’t thrilled with the idea of Hannah leaving the safety of Eldya’s office, but like with Hunter earlier, he knew there wasn’t much he could do to persuade her otherwise.

Tech and Omega were currently in the process of getting everybody’s weapons back, while Echo and Wrecker were rounding up the servants and anyone else in the building to get them outside safely. There was still the issue of exactly how to deal with the droids, as Hunter couldn’t keep distracting them forever, obviously.

“There might be a way to shut them down as opposed to destroying them,” Tech suggested. “Wrecker, ask Cedren if the droids are connected in any way. Forcibly, if you must.”

And forcibly, he did. It took some decent threatening, but Cedren eventually revealed that the droids were indeed connected by a single thread, stemming from a “head droid” that was in charge of the others. It was rare to see and would be extremely difficult to find, but if that droid were destroyed, the others would follow suit.

“Bet Hunter could find that thing, no sweat,” Wrecker stated with a chuckle.

“Unfortunately, we have no way of contacting him at the moment,” Tech pointed out.

“And we haven’t seen him since we left the grand assembly,” Echo added.

“I’m sure one of us will run into him at some point,” Omega said, clearly trying to uplift the others’ spirits, as she usually did.

Hannah let out a huff at hearing all of this. She didn’t doubt Omega’s words, nor did she doubt the idea of Hunter being able to find the head droid. It was just upsetting that he’d separated himself from everyone. Not that it wasn’t entirely in character for him, of course. But the fact that nobody could even contact him made it infinitely more frustrating. Hannah almost questioned out loud why Hunter didn’t have his spare comlink on him until she realized the comlink in her hands was his spare one. He’d given it to her before they got to the planet, just in case they got separated. Like usual, he’d thought of everything so that she didn’t have to. Just like he did for everybody else.

Too many times, Hannah and Omega had outright lamented to each other about how selfless Hunter was. “It’ll be the death of him someday,” Hannah had said to her adopted sister, who definitely agreed. All four of the boys were that way, but it felt like Hunter was always the one going out of his way for everybody else at the cost of himself.

But Hannah understood why. She’d often felt that way when it came to her blood family, especially with her sister. “It’s an older sibling thing,” she’d told Omega. Oddly enough, hearing that seemed to resonate with Omega as well. The little girl had felt protective of her brothers for some time, but couldn’t understand why exactly. Knowing it was a universal feeling for older siblings made everything make sense though.

“I am older than all of them, technically,” Omega revealed, which was shocking for Hannah. “Well, maybe not Echo.” They’d both gone into a fit of giggles after that, and a smile broke out on Hannah’s face at the memory of it.

Maybe that was the reason the three of them got along so well. Or at least one of the reasons. There were many things that bonded the relationship between Hannah, her adopted sister, and her... friend.

No. He was more than that. Far more than that. And it was high time she made that known, if it wasn’t obvious enough already.

“I’ll find him,” Hannah spoke into the comlink. “You guys focus on what you’re doing. I’ll find Hunter and let him know what’s going on.”

It was silent on the other end for a moment before Echo replied, “I... don’t think that’s a good idea, Hannah. Wherever he is’ll be swarming with droids. And I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want you anywhere near there either.”

“Well then, it’s a good thing he isn’t here to stop me, isn’t it?” Hannah smugly responded.

Echo sighed and let out a chuckle. “You both really are two Aiwhas in a pod, you know that?”

Hannah’s mouth broke out into a wide grin and she snickered. “Maybe you should tell him that when this is all over.”

“Right, like I haven’t been doin’ anything for you two up until now,” Echo snarked back, getting another snicker out of Hannah.

The elevator had reached the main floor by then, and Hannah told everybody to shush until she knew the coast was clear. Thankfully, the hallway that led to the elevator was completely empty. “Eldya was right, this place really is hidden.”

As she snuck down the hallway, Hannah let the others know she was going silent and would let them know when she found Hunter. They all wished her good luck, with Wrecker making her promise extra hard to be careful. She also asked the others to be careful, as she didn’t plan on leaving unless the entire family was together again. Omega wholeheartedly agreed and looked forward to seeing her big sister again soon.

Everything went silent after that. Hannah shoved the comlink back inside her dress and let out a deep sigh. She was really doing this. No regrets, she told herself, then very carefully left the confines of the private hallway to reenter the rest of the building.

Although she had been distracted at the time, Hannah remembered the way back to the main hallway, for the most part. A few times, she second-guessed herself and ended up taking a wrong turn, but thankfully was able to correct her mistakes without issue. More importantly, there were no droids around in any of the areas she went into, which was relieving. But it also meant that Hunter was nowhere around either. She had a feeling he was sticking to one place to try and draw all the droids together, but that just meant it would be more difficult to find him, especially considering the size of the building.

If only she were the one who was good at tracking things down instead of him.

It was nerve-wracking going down the main hallway due to its size and overall openness. If a droid were to spot Hannah in there, there was nowhere for her to hide. Every door along the hall was shut, so it was impossible to know whether or not it was locked unless someone tried to open it. And by then, it might be too late.

As quietly as she could, Hannah continued down the hall, with the only noise she could hear being her own heartbeat and nervous breathing. She felt like she was in some sort of twisted horror story, like something could pop out at any moment and grab her. It was very reminiscent of being in that rundown building on Volruna – she was even wearing the same dress again. “It’s official, dresses are cursed,” she thought to herself.

To ease her worries, she began comparing her current situation to what had happened on Volruna, mainly focusing on the good aspects. Unlike that barely standing building, this one was much nicer and cleaner and definitely not falling apart. The hall was also well-lit compared to the dark halls of the other. And although her dress had been altered, she still felt more comfortable in it than before. She had even chosen to wear more comfortable shoes as opposed to the fancy heels she’d been given at the Prism Palace; those cursed things that had been responsible for most of the problem in the first place.

When she’d chosen the shoes that day, she’d done so for the sake of comfort, but now it was reassuring knowing she could easily run from danger if she needed to. But, of course, she hoped with all her heart that she wouldn’t have to.

The sound of a door opening suddenly broke the silence, followed by a gasp from Hannah. It was further down the hall, but Hannah could definitely make out the shape of two sentry droids on patrol. She went into a bit of a panic and manically looked around for somewhere to hide. One of the nearby doors had a large frame that could possibly hide her if she pressed up against it, but in doing so, she realized her bright orange skirt was almost impossible to hide, even if she pulled it back.

As one of the droids began making its way in her direction, Hannah quickly but cautiously reached a hand around to try and open the door. It took a moment for her to find the panel without looking, but she was able to get the door open and nearly toppled backwards into the next hall. It was dark inside, with the only light being what was feeding in through the open doorway.

Hannah quickly pressed herself up against the wall, beside the door, hiding herself in darkness. Her chest was heaving out of fear, but she kept her panting as quiet as possible until the droid had passed by. It didn’t even bother looking into the room and kept on its path down the hall, much to Hannah’s relief.

Now she was really in a pickle. It was too risky to go back into the main hall now, but it was the only way she was familiar with. Anywhere else, she’d be going in blind, especially if she continued down the dark hall she was currently in. Again, she sorely wished she had Hunter’s tracking abilities, or at least a datapad like Tech’s that could give her a layout of the building. She considered contacting Tech and asking him for directions, but was too frozen with fear that the droids in the hall would hear her.

It seemed like nothing was going to work out, and Hannah began to feel totally helpless. Why did this always happen to her? Why couldn’t she be like the others? Why this, and why that, and why why why...

That’s enough.

The words came to her, triggering her own self-reflection, like an invisible force holding up a mirror in front of her.

Don’t give up.

Stay focused.

The voice... it wasn’t hers. At first, she thought she was going crazy. That, or the building was haunted.

Then she remembered. Those words, that voice... she’d heard it years ago. A memory flashed in her mind, playing back like a show on the holonet. A woman in brown robes, surrounded by Clone Troopers, with a younger figure sitting across from her in matching brown robes.

“That’s enough,” the woman said to the younger figure, who was clearly struggling with something.

“I can’t do it,” the younger one said. “It’s too hard.”

“You’re right,” the woman said to him.

The young one looked at the woman oddly.

“If it were easy,” the woman continued. “Then there would be no point in me teaching you.”

“Why can’t I just do it though?” the young one protested. “Everything else comes so easy! Why is this so hard?”

The woman crouched down in front of the young one, staring him directly in the eyes. “Everyone is different, my padawan. What might be easy to you will be difficult to another. That just means you have to work harder. I know it doesn’t seem fair, and it isn’t. But no amount of complaining or self-loathing will change that. You must make the change and decide to not let your own shortcomings be your undoing.” She stood up again and took a few steps back. “Don’t give up. Stay focused. Do it again, and again, and as many times as you need to until you succeed.”

The young one gave a nod to his master and inhaled through his nostrils before going into a deep meditative state. The woman watched in silence as the young one gradually began to lift from his seat on the ground. Small pebbles and rocks began to float along with him, slowly dancing around his unmoving form. A small smile broke out on the woman’s face, and the memory suddenly faded.

Hannah’s eyes blinked open and she let out a small sigh. A single, small tear was beginning to fall down her cheek, and she dabbed it away on the back of her glove.

Hannah wasn’t a Jedi. She knew she never could be a Jedi. But those words the Jedi master had spoken to her padawan that day – the day they’d visited Hannah’s hometown on Astreon – they’d stuck with her.

And so, out of desperation, Hannah listened to the words of the Jedi and began to focus. Her eyes slowly shut and her breath began to steady. Her palms held open at her sides and her ears listened for anything that might cross her path. In the darkness, one of the things she feared the most, Hannah entered a state of calm she hadn’t felt in what felt like forever.

Then something began to tug at her consciousness. It was a familiar feeling, one she’d experienced at various points in her life. It felt like it was pulling her... forward. Like something inside her was telling her to literally go forward.

The only way forward was into the darkness, into a place she didn’t know. But... she just knew something was beyond there. She couldn’t even explain it.

“Why is my brain like this,” she thought to herself and openly sighed.

Without giving it another thought, Hannah chose to trust her instincts and began trekking into the dark hallway. She had no torch to light her way this time, but she didn’t stop. A hand remained on one of the walls to guide her as she carefully stepped through the consuming darkness. She’d had nightmares like this before. And every time, something would pop out and scare her, just like in those twisted horror stories.

The entire time she walked, Hannah repeated the words of the Jedi master in her head. “Don’t give up. Stay focused. Don’t give up. Stay focused. Don’t give up. Stay focused.”

It was only a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity walking through that darkness. But eventually, Hannah could see a light ahead, peeking around a bend in the hall. She let out a sigh of relief and kept her hand on the wall until she finally made it around the corner.

The rest of the hallway was lit up with wall torches, much to her relief. It seemed to be empty as well, at least for the time being. She continued on carefully, still trusting that her feelings were correct. Then she came to a closed door at the end of the hall. It was quiet, but she pressed her ear to the door to listen for any noise on the other side.

Nothing. Not a sound.

Taking a deep breath, she pressed a button on the control panel and opened the door, holding her breath for what might be on the other side.

Immediately, she let out all the air in her lungs with a huff. To her surprise, she’d gotten back to the grand assembly somehow. Cedren’s words from earlier about there being other halls that led to this room were apparently correct.

She’d entered from the far-right side of the room, fairly close to the stage. The room was still and quiet. One of the tables nearby had been turned over, and from what she could immediately see, a few of them had been destroyed as well.

Then movement suddenly caught her eye off to the left. A large, looming figure had stepped into the room from a different door. She thought it might be Wrecker at first, but quickly realized that was wishful thinking. A soft gasp of fear escaped Hannah’s lips as the large figure turned in her direction and stared her down with its glowing, red eyes.

In her mind, Hannah thought to run back the way she came in. But panic began to overcome her, and she started backing up in fear as the droid advanced on her, blasters out and pointed in her direction.

A creaking noise caught Hannah’s attention. Then suddenly, a figure came swinging down from the overhead balcony and slammed into the droid with both legs, sending it into the wall. Although he moved lightning fast, Hannah recognized the figure immediately and watched in awe as Hunter grabbed a nearby chair and swung it at the droid, causing it to topple to the ground. A broken chair leg was thrust into the droid’s neck to finish it off.

Hannah’s heart had gone from beating fast out of fear to fluttering with admiration at the display she’d just witnessed.

“We gotta stop reuniting like this,” Hannah quipped with a quirky chuckle.

Hunter didn’t seem so amused though. “What the heck are you doing here?” He sounded almost irritated.

Hannah stammered a bit before actual words formed. “I-I’ve been looking for you! No one’s been able to contact you so--”

“You shouldn’t be here,” Hunter firmly stated. “Where’s Eldya? I told you to stay with her!”

“I know!” Hannah responded, starting to match Hunter’s irritation. “She’s fine, don’t worry about her. Literally nothing can get to her unless the whole building blows up.”

Hunter sighed and shook his head. “You need to get outta here, it isn’t safe.” He grabbed Hannah by the arms and began urging her back towards the door, but she broke free from his grasp in aggravation.

“Nowhere’s safe, Hunter! Would you just listen to me?”

Thankfully, he didn’t try to stop her this time, and Hannah quickly explained about the droid Cedren had mentioned earlier.

“Figures there was somethin’ else that karking bastard was hiding,” Hunter grumbled and angrily crossed his arms.

Hannah also told him the others were working on getting everyone out of the building, as well as getting their weapons back, which Hunter was glad to hear. He didn’t plan on waiting to get his weapons back to start hunting down the head droid though, earning a snicker from Hannah. “Had a feeling you’d say that,” she said with unbridled snark and a roll of her eyes. “So where do we look first then?”

“I’m gonna stick around here and see what I pick up,” Hunter responded. “You are gonna get somewhere safe; no arguments.” He began trying to urge her out the door again, but she continued to refuse.

“I came here to help, and that’s what I plan on doing,” Hannah firmly stated.

“Then you can help by staying out of the way.”

Hannah scoffed. “Ok, look, I know I’m not trained like you guys are but... I need to do something! I came all this way and--”

“This isn’t the time for this, Hannah!” Hunter’s tone was just shy of a shout, and Hannah responded equally.

“It’s never the time, Hunter! You never want my help, even when you need it, and you need it right now!”

Hunter huffed and shook his head before turning away from her.

“I know you want to keep me safe,” Hannah continued, clutching her hands to her chest. “But...” She let out a shaky sigh. “I... I want you to be safe too. I don’t want anything to happen to you again.”

At first, Hunter seemed confused at the “again”, but the small sigh he let out signaled that he understood. She was talking about Volruna. The image of Hunter’s unmoving body coated in blood had been seared into Hannah’s memory; it plagued her day and night, and she couldn’t bear the thought of almost losing him again. If the circumstances were different, she might’ve blurted out the full extent of her feelings then and there.

It might’ve made a difference if she had. In Hunter’s mind, he could barely process what she had said. All his life, Hunter had been the one protecting those around him, never asking for anything in return. Naturally, the whole squad was very protective of each other. But no one had ever outright told Hunter they wanted to protect him specifically. And why should they? His life was no more important than anyone else’s. In fact, his life was meaningless if he couldn’t protect those around him. It’s what he’d been made for, trained for. Why couldn’t Hannah understand that?

“Hannah...” Hunter shook his head again. “You don’t understand...”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Hannah promptly responded. “I don’t understand. Because you never tell me. You rarely tell me anything, Hunter. But...” She was getting more and more worked up and stomped her foot in aggravation. “But I deserve to know, damn it!”

Defiantly, Hunter kept his back towards her, arms crossed.

“What, is it, is it some kind of power trip for you or something? Like you think you have something to prove?”

“No,” was all Hunter responded with, clear frustration in his tone.

“Then what is it?!” Hannah pleaded, her tone getting gradually more and more desperate. “Why are you so bent on doing this alone? Why won’t you let me help you?” Her lip began to tremble, and it took everything to keep from breaking out into a sob. “Why do you keep pushing me away?!”

Immediately, Hunter swung around, practically shouting his response. “I can’t lose you!!”

The air got caught in Hannah’s throat and her eyes went wide. All the tension she’d been holding in her body went slack. The weight of Hunter’s words was almost too much to bear.

Hunter’s chest heaved, but his words softened as he continued. “I don’t... I don’t wanna lose you...”

Hannah couldn’t respond. How could she respond? It was taking everything just to absorb what she was hearing. Had she really been such a fool?

“Hannah...” Hunter stepped closer, never taking his gaze off her as he continued to speak. “I try not to ask a lot from you... but if not for your sake, then for mine... just... just do what I ask... please...”

The way his voice cracked at the end nearly destroyed Hannah’s heart. She’d never heard him plead with such desperation before. His face was still concealed by his helmet, but she didn’t need to see his face to know that he was barely holding himself together. It was unusual and upsetting.

Maybe it was a trick of the mind or the way the light was hitting him, but Hannah swore she could see Hunter’s eyes through the darkened visor of his helmet. He never cried, not that she’d ever seen, and the others vouched for it as well. Yet, from what Hannah could see, there appeared to be tears forming at the edge of his eyes.

Hannah wanted to retort. She wanted to express her own feelings to him. She wanted to say something, anything to get him to change his mind. She wanted to tell him all the things she’d been wanting to tell him for so long...

A lump got caught in Hannah’s throat, and she swallowed it. The knot on her heart held tight. Her lip continued to tremble as she stepped closer to Hunter, unable to find the right words to speak. Her hands drifted up and tenderly held the sides of his helmet. She wanted to yank the helmet off if only just to see his face again, but held back. Her eyes stared into his through the dark visor as she attempted to finally speak, barely above a whisper.

“Don’t die...”

The only response Hunter gave was a gentle nod. Hannah’s hands remained clasped on the sides of his helmet, and she stared into his eyes for only a moment longer before finally letting go. The last time she’d left Hunter like this, she’d been forcibly pulled away from him by another entity. But this time, she had to do it herself. She couldn’t even bring herself to look back as she turned away from him, almost violently, and walked back the way she’d come in, tears streaming down her face.

Hunter’s gaze never left her visage as she departed the room. The sound of her crying was almost too much to bear. And it wasn’t until he was fully sure that she was gone that he finally lifted up his helmet and wiped away the tears that had formed in his eyes.

#the bad batch #star wars the bad batch #made myself emo with this one hahaha #certain characters being brought to tears just hurt me ok #and yes I do have nyctophobia #pretty badly actually #not afraid to admit I sleep with soft lights on LOL #star warz #my storiez

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