Should I write a little analysis explaining all the reasons Will loves Mike and why it makes sense that he loves Mike and why Mike is deserving of that love and how Mike's individuality and character depth is what will make byler endgame a satisfying conclusion for both Will and Mike

I was rewatching s1e3 and something finally clicked for me..

Please forgive me if this seems obvious to you. It helps me to type out my thoughts, but I'm sure I'm just an idiot and no one else needs this explained to them, lol. That said - I was always slightly confused by the emotional weight of the holy water arc during the flashback sequence. Particularly I was confused by how angry Crowley got when Aziraphale referred to their relationship as fraternizing in the 1862 fight. I mean, "to associate or form a friendship with someone, especially when one is not supposed to" is exactly what they are doing, right? So why the 80 year breakup?

Crowley says he wants the holy water for if "it" all goes pear shaped. The phrasing is necessarily vague, and could mean lots of things. Since I know what he eventually uses it for, I was thinking about it in the context of Armageddon, or maybe more generally and vaguely about Crowley not always choosing to go along with Hell, and associating with Aziraphale. But there was not much reason for Crowley to already be thinking about Armageddon back then.

As we know from the full diary entry Neil posted, the timeline of the Edinburgh entry, and the cut bookshop opening scene, it seems like Crowley and Aziraphale were spending A LOT of time together by the 1800's. When Crowley is pulled back down to Hell in 1827, he learns that Hell is paying more attention to him than he'd previously thought. Crowley realizes at this point that spending so much time with Aziraphale is actively putting him in real danger. He recognizes that, and instead of breaking things off, or seeing Aziraphale less, he doubles down. If this relationship is dangerous, then he wants the tools to fight for it.

That's what I think I didn't get about the holy water request. It's not just general insurance, it's specifically insurance for if Hell finds out about him and Aziraphale. It's also a super vulnerable request because in making it, Crowley is openly acknowledging how important their relationship is to him. Aziraphale casually brings up the arrangement at the beginning of the conversation, and that's part of it, right? Because the whole basis of their relationship is the arrangement. It continues to be the pretense under which they meet, despite the relationship clearly having developed beyond that. And the arrangement, as Crowley proposed it in 537, is born out of convenience, and the assumption that Heaven and Hell would never notice anyway.

Crowley's request for insurance breaks that facade. He's acknowledging that it's not convenient, or safe, but he wants to do it anyway, despite the risk.

Aziraphale, on the other hand, is not ready for the screen to be taken away so abruptly. To make it worse, he assumes Crowley wants the holy water as an escape, rather than a weapon. Suddenly he is confronted with both the danger their association poses, and the idea that Crowley might choose to take his own life. He can't imagine the guilt of being directly responsible for the latter.

I also think the strength of his own emotional response to the thought of losing Crowley catches Aziraphale off guard. He hasn't admitted to himself how much he actually cares, and it scares him. Worrying about Heaven is more comfortable and familiar, so he falls back on that and switches to "If they knew I'd been... fraternizing!"

But bringing up the threat of Heaven reads to Crowley as Aziraphale saying "You may be willing to put yourself at risk for the sake of our relationship, but I am not." The word choice of "fraternizing" comes off as a dismissive and demeaning way to describe a relationship that Crowley just admitted he would risk his life for.

It's an unintentionally deep cut when Crowley is already at his most vulnerable, and so he lashes out. As far as we've seen, this is possibly the first time Crowley has truly lashed out at Aziraphale. So yeah, 80 year breakup makes sense!

And what makes this so much worse is what happens next. Crowley reaches out again in 1941 with a dramatic gesture (rescuing Aziraphale from the Nazis, saving his books). It's clear they've missed each other. They don't discuss the fight, but it's there subtextually. Aziraphale, tentatively and thrillingly, refers to them as friends, for the first time ever. He tells Crowley that he trusts him.

And then, that very same night their worst fears are confirmed. Just when they've finally reconciled a fight over the dangers of their relationship, and just when Aziraphale has finally admitted that it is not a relationship of convenience, but genuine friendship, they are exposed. Crowley is going to face punishment from Hell, explicitly for being Aziraphale's "trusted confident", and he doesn't have insurance. If Aziraphale's trick hadn't succeeded, Crowley would have had no way to protect himself.

idk it just makes me feel things ok

When Your Boyfriend's a Reformed Mean Girl

100 percent inspired by this tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR75sjkf/

Time seems to do wierd things for Eddie Munson.

It's something Steve has gotten used to, in the year they've been dating. Eddie is attentive and affectionate, always makes sure Steve needs are being met, always goes the extra mile to let Steve know how much he loves him, how much he cherishes their time together. In many ways, he's the best partner Steve's ever had.

Just...sometimes things like approaching deadlines and important dates seem to literally not register in his brain until it's almost too late. And not even then, sometimes.

Eddie acknowledges that it's a problem. He puts every effort into finding workarounds. There is a calendar hanging at both his (brand new, government-funded) trailer and Steve's house, hanging right by the door with color-coded schedules and a pack of Post-It notes and a cup of pens sitting on a little table below it in case something changes or comes up. Steve has a dedicated half hour every night where he's allowed to remind Eddie of things they have coming up, or ask if they've been added to the calendar and Eddie is one hundred percent not allowed to gripe about being nagged in that thirty minutes. Not that he would, because most of the time there's at least one, "Oh, shit, forgot about that." When something slips through the cracks, he apologizes promptly and sincerely if it's something that affects someone other than him and he is always trying to do better.

Steve understands. Hell, after as many concussions as he's had, details get away from him too sometimes. There's several color-coded blocks on the calendar for Steve, as well. Sometimes, Eddie just forgets things despite his best efforts.

But their anniversary? The date that Steve has been carefully planning for almost a month to celebrate their first (of hopefully, many) year together as a couple? Really?

Eddie is going to be horrified.

He is going to feel so bad, and so guilty, and he is absolutely going to go all out to make it up to Steve. Steve knows this. He knows Eddie loves him, and that Eddie was looking forward to tonight as much as he was, and that this is just an instance of Eddie's brain betraying him, and not him actively trying to hurt Steve, or be dismissive of him. Eddie is going to feel awful when he realizes that he stood Steve up on their one-year anniversary to fight imaginary dragons with the boys. Hell, the boys are probably going to feel awful when they realize they gave Eddie something else to focus on in the lead-up to his one-year anniversary.

Well. Dustin, Lucas, and Will are going to feel awful. Mike will probably think it's hilarious.

The point is, Steve knows Eddie didn't do this on purpose, and it's not that Eddie doesn't value his time with Steve enough to remember the date, and so he's merely irritated. Maybe a little exasperated. Not truly angry.

All he has to do is radio over to Wheeler's place and remind Eddie what the date is. His boyfriend will literally drop everything, will probably not even bother to pack up his precious miniatures and dice before he's tearing out of the driveway and breaking every traffic law imaginable to get to Steve's house. Steve doesn't actually want Eddie to get a ticket or anything, though. Besides.

He's feeling a little petty.

There's steaks waiting to be tossed on the grill, twice-baked potatoes in the oven, and a fucking homemade chiffon cake with fresh strawberries and whipped cream chilling in the fridge. Eddie's gift is sitting on the counter, in an elegant little gift bag tied with black ribbon.

"Hey Rob, you wanna come over for dinner?" he says into his walkie, deciding to let Fate decide if his boyfriend is listening and catches a clue.

"Do I get a piece of that cake you made?" Robin replies immediately, amusement already dancing in her voice because she's his (platonic) soulmate and she can read his mind.

"You can take the leftovers home," he says.

And then his (romantic) soulmate, who can usually read his mind, comes over the channel as well. "Have fun, babe!" Eddie says brightly. "This is probably going to run later than I thought. I'll probably just pick you up for breakfast tomorrow, okay?"

Steve rolls his eyes fondly. "Okay."

"Love you!" Eddie says, and signs off.

Robin brings a bottle of wine she stole from her parents' pantry and they demolish the dinner and half the cake. Steve does get another package of steaks out to thaw in the fridge for tomorrow, though, and blows out the fancy candles he'd lit before they burn too low to be used again. Fuck if he's making another chiffon cake, though, persnickety little thing. He calls Enzo's and orders a chocolate marble cheesecake to be picked up tomorrow.

"So you gonna milk this for a nice present or what?" Robin asks as Steve is packing the remains of the cake for her to take home, as promised.

"Nah. He's fucking perfect like 90% of the time...I'm not gonna get mad at him for the other ten." Robin smiles at him, a little gooey-eyed. Steve returns it with a smirk. "But I'm not letting him off the hook entirely."

He has just finished putting the dishes away when he hears the rumble of Eddie's van in the driveway. He glances down at his watch, laughing to himself a little when he notes that while late, it is far, far too early for a gaming session to be done. He scoops his little gift bag off the counter and saunters to the front door just in time for a frantic knocking to sound. He schools his features and opens the door.

"Steve! Stevie, baby, I am so, so sorry. I swear to God, I had tonight written down in like five different places, but Dustin wanted to try a new character class and we haven't done this campaign yet, and I got so excited...I'm so sorry I forgot, but I'm here and I SWEAR I will make it up to you!" Eddie pauses for breath, wild-eyed and panting.

Steve holds the silence for a moment, and then shakes his head, leaning forward to drop a kiss on Eddie's cheek. "You're such a nerd," he says, affection dripping from his words. He sighs. "I hope you know, now I'm expecting flowers tomorrow. And I get to pick the movies for, like, two weeks with no complaints."

Eddie almost wilts in relief. "Absolutely none," he promises, reaching out to grip Steve's hand. "I will make tomorrow night AMAZING. I promise."

Steve smiles at him, his chest aching with the love he feels for this man. But he's still feeling just a little bit petty. He holds the bag out to Eddie, tilting his head coyly. "You can still open this tonight, though."

"Babe! I thought we said no gifts." He takes the bag in his hands, plucking at the ribbon.

Steve's smile turns just a little sharper. He worked fucking hard on that cake. "It's kind of for both of us, really. It's what I was gonna wear up to bed tonight."

Eddie peeks in the box, his brow furrowing. "Stevie...there's nothing but strawberry lip gloss and a bottle of lube in here." He looks up, and freezes as his brain catches up with what his mouth just said.

Steve leans forward and kisses him, hard, long, and absolutely filthy. "Suffer," he whispers against his boyfriend's lips.

Then he shuts the door in his face.

how the van scene confirms mike's feelings - the framework & editing

i noticed something while editing a compilation of mike staring at will lovingly (because bless finn's amazing acting) and suddenly found myself analysing the editing choices/shots from the van scene (will’s monologue).

i found this scene doesn't only confirm will's feelings for mike, but mike's too.

what exactly makes this scene confirmation of mike's feelings besides the brilliant acting? it's the perfect cinematography and editing. ST's cinematography has been one of its greatest strength's, in my opinion at least. they know how to move the camera perfectly to tell us exactly what a character's thinking. the editing is also perfect.

**for this post, i won't be bringing up the lighting work or acting (at least not much) because it's something that's already acknowledged a lot.**

in the van scene, we are only able to really realize mike's feelings because of its choice of shots - specifically two subtle shots.

first shot:

every shot of mike during the speech had will still in the corner. unfocused, but still there. (minus the rear mirror and window shots)

except for one...

the editing work is one of the main keys to what makes this scene so intimate besides the great acting. the way it goes back and forth between close ups is meant to display tension/intimacy. they keep swinging between the both, almost telling the audience to pay close attention. there's something happening that isn't being said. the editing choice inflicts a feeling that rest of the world is gone - it's just them. (which is often what you typically feel when there's raging chemistry between you and someone else)

then they throw this one shot in, which subtly parts mike away with this conversation. he is distracted by something else..

the fact this one stands out different from the rest is important. will could still be seen in the other shots while showing mike is focusing deeply on what will is saying. then suddenly, just for one shot, will isn't there anymore. it's just mike, nervous and breathless. this is telling us that mike is no longer paying as much attention to what will's saying, but more on what he himself is thinking.

despite this being such a minor thing that is easy to dismiss, it changes a lot if you would've just framed it like the rest. not only would it get repetitive, but there would be nothing to take from the scene [visually] other than the fact mike is focusing on what will's saying… and sure, enjoys looking at his lips a lot. but, when you really think about it, the inclusion of this shot is what actually confirms finn's acting is intentionally romantic. the editors wanted to give the audience this one specifically framed shot of mike to draw your attention from what will's saying, to start wondering what mike is thinking.

and if you haven't already caught onto all the lip staring and quick glances, he’s thinking about will.

second shot:

there's one other shot that confirms it, too - the shot with jonathan and the rear mirror. this happens twice.

referencing back to what i said earlier about how chemistry between you and another can feel like the world shuts out and it's only you two, despite that being how it feels, it’s the exact opposite - everyone notices it. people around you can also see that chemistry. though.. it's only noticeable when it's truly real.

this is the point of the rear window/jonathan shot.

jonathan is noticing a shift in their relationship. he notices not only will's feelings, but mike's too. will is turned away, mike is looking at will - something will can't see. will story-wise believes his love is unrequited... when it's clearly not to the audience (or jonathan in this case).

this rear window shot is included to confirm to the audience that it is exactly what we're thinking - there is something romantic going on, there is electricity. so much so that other characters are catching on themselves. it isn't just a pretty shot. if it were, jonathan wouldn't have been included, and it wouldn’t be there two different times. filmmaking is precise, never forget that.

-

filmmaking (cinematography in this case) is so powerful and complex. any slight adjustment in editing or choice of framing can change the story you are trying to tell.

so all in all, byler endgame

As Hunter puts the work in to recover and heal, looking back on Belos's 'kindness' in offering him a staff, taking him in, and providing the opportunity to be special as the Golden Guard...will be confusing and will involve seemingly conflicting emotions.

Having that treatment from his 'uncle' was the only reference point of feeling loved, while experiencing terror deeper down. This lasted for years before he met Luz and co.

He has overall spent less time in the new framework of healthy found family, than the years in the Castle.

I was looking at scenes from a couple of movies - the Black Widow movie and also Blade Runner 2049 (spoilers for both movies ahead, obviously) - as psychology references to see how two other fictional characters recalled their confusing but significant memories.

These examples carry some big concepts, one of which is that we "recall with our feelings". Not with pure impersonal logic that neatly trims away false info and discards it. If only it were that easy to dust our hands clean this way when healing from trauma.

In Black Widow, Yelena is the character who wears her heart on her sleeve the most, like Hunter naturally does. When confronted with the revelation that her happy childhood was staged, naturally Yelena feels betrayed:

(the GIF file for above was too big so lol I just screencapped a still frame from it)

But she quickly makes a conscious decision on how she wants to view those good memories, when hearing her sister Natasha saying it was all fake. This is perhaps her most important line in the movie:

She still chose to believe it had all been real. She is actively claiming the meaning that her good childhood had provided for her. Choosing what kind of lens she'd like to view those memories through. Defending that good meaning. Because her life fell apart after that good childhood came to an end. She could choose to say it was all fake, if she wanted to see it as fake.

She confronts Melina, her (staged) maternal figure who obviously isn't her biological or even a proper adoptive mother, and says: "You are my mother. You were my real mother, the closest thing I ever had to one."

When it comes to Hunter, he wouldn't find it as straightforward to acknowledge that the times when Belos was nice to him "felt real". Would he ever want to view the late Emperor as his uncle? Not via any conscious decision, I'm sure...since he's the opposite of Yelena here. Hunter's safe haven was after he escaped the Emperor's Coven, but Yelena's haven was at the start of her life, which she wished had been permanent.

Those months of summer when Hunter spent time away from Belos in the human realm must've been so special for him. But when faced with inevitable confusing flashbacks especially after Belos's death (that involve the subconscious, not conscious, part of his mind), he's still going to feel that the Emperor was a close family member whom he had an attachment with. Belos was the closest thing he ever had to family for so long.

In the Black Widow example, Yelena felt that Melina was her mother, from an early age. Around two decades later in her young adulthood, she still feels that this is the case, and consciously still wishes for that. She was lucky to be able to reconcile with Melina in the movie.

Hunter isn't as lucky. While he recovers, I don't think he can simply dismiss what it felt like to be told that he is part of a family (even if it was a lie) in such fragile formative years:

As an example, if I had first been told at age 5 by a parent that they promised to protect me, only to find out a decade later that they actually wouldn't have ever cared if I died...I would be hella confused.

Quoting a guest lecturer from my first year of therapist training, the part of our brains responsible for reasoning and logic - the prefrontal cortex - does not begin to seriously mature until our late teen years. Which is why early childhood memories can't just be viewed by our adult selves and easily trimmed away and viewed in black-or-white as truth-or-lie. Those early years are sensitive for us all, in how they shape us later in life. That inner child is still in each of us.

Blade Runner 2049's protagonist, K, has an arc that takes a different direction: he had actual false memories implanted that were not even his own, but the theme that is consistent for this post is those memories still felt real to him, and thus affected him emotionally. He felt unfulfilled and wanted something new, to feel like he had a soul, which led him on this risky quest. Sadly, he easily believed in a lie because it matched the truth he wished for. Thus, even false memories could feel real to him because he was desperate for meaning in life.

This movie has a cyberpunk dystopian setting, so it's of course more bleak. K was made to believe so strongly in those memories because he was ultimately used as just smokescreen, to keep the real person (who had those memories) well-hidden. Below, he speaks to the memory maker who formed his false memories. She is a very skilled deceiver, and successfully engineers experiences that didn't actually happen because she inserts fragments of truth here and there.

And she makes some good points about how she succeeds at implanting false memories:

Especially the last two lines, "We recall with our feelings. Anything real should be a mess."

Linking back to Hunter, it would be a tough process to learn how to make peace with his childhood with Belos. Because anything that felt real would be a mess.

And K has a similar line as Yelena did:

The running theme I spotted is the realness of confusing memories for these characters, because their inner conflicts involve questioning themselves: whether or not they were just imagining the good feelings they felt.

While we never got confirmation whether Belos used false memories or not, I'm inclined to think he didn't...in order to work more subtly and over a long period of time on Hunter as his latest grimwalker project. The deadlier lies are the ones with many bits of truth scattered throughout their intricate webs, like what the memory maker in Blade Runner 2049 could pull off.

Belos's treatment would've felt kind to Hunter at the time. As they say, how we feel about any experience we have is "what we make of it". Or how we choose to view the experience.

I think Hunter needed to believe his uncle really was kind, while maintaining his own image, in order to keep going and survive.

This tragically meant he had to believe he wasn't doing enough.

It is always scarier for an abused child to see that their parent in fact isn't loving after all/isn't a good person, compared to imposing shame upon themselves and believing they aren't good enough.

Of course, all this would've changed by the time we get to here and beyond:

Memory is subjective and our minds are so powerful that they find evidence to seemingly confirm any kind of beliefs that we form.

All three characters in this post were cogs in a machine, reduced to being pawns in a scheme...until they later had the space to decide things for themselves.

As seen in Hunter's efforts in his Golden Guard days to be good enough in the role, Yelena taking a stand to preserve the purity of an untainted childhood (even if it was staged and not organic), K defying authority to cross a line in his duties and get answers about who he was....this is how much we as humans will clamber to grasp onto a sense of personhood, to give our lives meaning and survive the best we can.

Yelena wanted to preserve the memories of her childhood as good, as a haven or a warm fuzzy bubble to look back on, because it got torn apart before she reunited with her family many years later.

Obviously Hunter can't do exactly the same i.e. preserving the entirety of his time in the Castle as "good", since he has now been able to see that Belos was a constant threat upon his life. However, he could still look back on smaller pockets of his childhood as pleasant, by isolating those specific memories.

We have two examples in canon: the way he grins when remembering the experience of being left on top of the mountain and climbing back down. And him saying that "weekends were nice" since he tasted partial freedom by being outdoors going on missions.

In fact, he would likely start out wanting to erase his childhood, view it as entirely bad and terrible to revisit, and try to force himself to forget its significance and start afresh. But this would only worsen the unpleasant emotions associated with this time of his life that he'd rather wish had not existed.

Mental health recovery is counter-intuitive: avoiding or denying emotions tend to make them grow bigger and scarier, while letting them feel seen and heard can help them along to shrink and positively transform over time. Hunter's therapist would have to provide him with psychoeducation on this so that he doesn't feel like he's grieving wrongly. It would bring him more peace if he can acknowledge both of these seemingly conflicting truths:

Factually, Belos did lie to him and betray him.

(Here's the important part) Emotionally, if the 'kindness/love' offered by Belos felt real at the time, received by Hunter's very legit need for attachment and meaning, then yes, it was real.

Both these points can coexist. Belos's love was untrue in the factual sense (we in the audience can easily see this), yet true in the emotional sense for a young child like who Hunter was. Which is what makes it hard.

Someone would ask Hunter, "Do you think he loved you?" and the answer isn't simple. Maybe it'd be something like "He didn't, but I felt like he really did." And the second half of that sentence ("but I felt like he really did") honestly doesn't need to be changed or removed, and the grief in those words should be honoured. Belos only cared about meeting Hunter's emotional needs as a means to an end, and as strange as it sounds to say this...it did help Hunter survive long enough, however mistreated he was. Because he still clung on to meaning and a purpose in his life.

The love wasn't there in the technical sense: instead it was a twisted version of Philip's love for Caleb, not any love extended towards Hunter. But this love still felt mostly real to Hunter before he fled the coven.

And I bet that even if it was for a split-second, Belos's gaslighting of "Why are you hurting me? I only wanted to help you" felt real and true to the poor kid here:

before Hunter expressed that he knew who Belos truly was as a person: a liar.

On Genos asking Saitama if he got stronger...

Initially, I was a bit confused on why Genos is asking Saitama this again. It's already been addressed in the previous arc, and you'd think it's all well and done, but ONE makes a point on bringing it up again, and that Saitama's answer is different.

But that's because he's referring to two different things!

To recap:

A lot of people assume Saitama is talking about his core...

But that I wholeheartedly disagree. Genos asked on whether or not he got stronger. Saitama answered he has. Except Saitama wasn't talking about in terms of power, he's talking about in terms of spirit.

And Genos has! There's a distinct difference between sacrificing your life to taking any chance to blow yourself up just because you're passively suicidal. The story doesn't spell it out for us, but for all of Genos's great penchant to somehow survive despite barely cutting it, he doesn't exactly value his own life and happiness. This is the first time he's been put into a corner with little chance of escaping and deliberately chose not to blow himself up, because he started to not only to value the lives of his comrades, but his own too. And Saitama acknowledges that it's a good thing! That he's not wrong or immoral to feel that way! Because Saitama knows what it's like to be suicidal. Choosing to live another day is a brave feat of strength indeed.

If you're gonna argue Saitama is just being dumb and Genos was being dumb because he was misinterpreting things again because what Saitama actually meant his core got stronger - here's the thing: Saitama has never cared about power. It's always been about character with him.

The only time he'd care about someone's power level is when it's getting absurdly destructive that it may destroy his or other people's property (Psykorochi, Tatsumaki) or when it's obvious it's about to kill or has killed people (Boros's CSRC, Cosmic Garou). He didn't care that Mumen Rider is weaker than DSK, but he cared about his strength of character to protect people against all odds didn't he?

Even then, how the heck would Saitama even judge if Genos's core actually did get stronger? He doesn't have any basis for it. He hasn't seen the enemies Genos fought. He hasn't seen what the core could do. Hell, he hasn't even seen Genos since he has a broken up body during hotpot night to even know what his feats are. All he knew is that Genos is now limbless and that he lost. But that he had enough strength in spirit to hold on and protect Tatsumaki without fully giving into despair that he'd blow he and Tatsumaki up all thanks to King telling him what happened.

This... was a TERRIBLE answer.

So why was it so ass? Because this time, Genos is clearly asking not if he got stronger in spirit but stronger in terms of power.

Saitama is the last person you should be asking these things, since you might as well ask someone who is lightyears away from earth that you changed the engine in your car so now it could go greater distance and last longer on the road, he'd say "sweet!" but he won't ever be able to tell the difference even if you pop your car hood open nor show the number miles you traveled. To him it's all the same: he's too far away to make an accurate judgement.

Heartbreaking thing is, there's a fairly good reason why it's to important to Genos to be acknowledged he'd grown stronger in power and why he pursues power to begin with: it's not just vengeance nor justice for everything he lost, it's also to make sure he never experiences those loss again. Nor for anyone to experience the same things he did. Saitama's casual "dismissal" just affirms Genos's worst insecurities and fear - that he's still the same weak and helpless 15 year old that couldn't save his town nor protect his family, but survived anyway. Genos has achieved the height of power he previously thought impossible, but heartbreakingly he's so in his head he can't or doesn't even acknowledge it. For all he knows, he still doesn't have the power to not just beat enemies, but to protect people.

They really need to have a proper discussion, but ONE is never one for simple and straightforward journeys.

Spider gwen x reader hcs pls 👀💞

💚~ hi!! idk what it is about spider-Gwen these days but ive been thinking abt her nonstop. ion even like her that much since the last movie but she’s just been in my mind rent-free 😩

note: i’ll be uploading more often because ik ive been really flaky for a while now and i feel really bad :(( also idk why these got kinda angsty lmaoo

fem!leaning reader but no specific pronouns are mentioned

𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫-𝐆𝐰𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 <𝟑

- for these headcanons i’ll be using some letters from the sfw alphabet!

s- security: how protective r they, how would they protect you, how do they like to be protected?

i don’t think gwen would be with anyone who is really dependent, so most of the time she doesn’t feel the need to step up and “protect” you unless it has anything to do with spider business- in which case, then she’s all over it. after peter, gwen is adamant that you stay out of spider stuff, and she won’t even allow you to know that she is spider-woman. but if you somehow do find out, she’ll probably start being slightly more distant in order to keep you safe, fearing that her enemies will find out that you’re someone important to her and somehow harm you. she might wind up accidentally pushing you away for fear of getting you hurt.

as for how gwen wants to be protected- she really doesn’t want to need protection at all. she doesn’t like to be vulnerable or have anybody think that she is. especially as a hero, gwen mistakenly believes she’s always the one that has to come to your aid and only worry about you rather than have you worry about her (which you do anyway).

p- patience: how easily angered are they?

relationship wise, gwen tries to be as patient as possible with you. she’s already generally stressed out, so she does her best to avoid problems with your relationship, which usually goes well. however, the one thing that always gets her temper bad is when you start asking about spider stuff, worrying about her life as spider-woman (assuming she’s told you/ you found out), because the last time someone close to her got involved with her business as a spider, someone died, and she doesn’t want to acknowledge that possibility again. so whenever you pester gwen about spider business she kinda snaps at you and ends the conversation quickly.

i- i love you: how fast do they say the l word?

it takes a while for gwen to get to the point of saying that she loves you, even though she knows she does way before she says it. she doesn’t want to say it too soon and risk you not reciprocating, and saying that she loves you would be an admission of attachment, meaning that if gwen ever lost you it would hurt way worse. so yeah, she’s very hesitant to say it, but be assured that it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel that way for you.

d- domestic: do they want to settle down? how good are they at cooking or cleaning?

at the moment, gwen’s life is all over the place, so settling down really isn’t a thought in her head. she wants to eliminate all her enemies and achieve some sort of stability both in her personal and professional life before she considers really starting a life with you. as for cooking and cleaning- gwen can’t cook for absolutely fucking shit and yes i am saying this because she is white. cleaning? she doesn’t really do it often- she’s kind of a cluttered person- but she can manage. for some reason i imagine her being really good at sweeping. homegirl can definitely work a mop, too

e- ending: if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?

judging by her behavior towards miles in atsv when he found out the truth about his spider-man origins, i wanna say she’d be really shifty about it. you’d notice her becoming distant and dismissive, and when you ask her about it she’d sort of dance around it. gwen wants nothing less than to hurt you, which is why she takes so long to tell you straight out, but really it just winds up hurting more because of how much she kinda drags it out.

r- remember: what is their favorite moment in your relationship?

i think her favorite moment probably wouldn’t be from when you were officially dating, but maybe when you both were just realizing your feelings for each other- lots of awkward but sweet and silly moments where there’s just a lot of blushing and awkward laughter and absent touches like playing with hair or brushing hands while walking beside each other. it isn’t anything big, but it means a lot to gwen.

g- gentle: how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?

gwen behaves sort of like a tomboy, so i don’t exactly picture her as being the type that’s super soft and gentle with you. also she is spider-woman and beats up villains twice her size on a regular basis, so her whole personality just isn’t all that “gentle.” she probably gives you a lot of a shoulder bumps and punches and unnecessarily hard high fives when she’s happy or proud. but when you two are alone she’s softer. you’ll find gwen’s fingers absently tangled in your hair or she might lay her head on your shoulder every so often.

emotionally, Gwen is mostly pretty careful about your feelings. she knows that her work as spider-woman worries you sometimes, so she makes sure not to talk about it too much. she tries to express her more negative feelings to you more often than not so she doesn’t wind up taking it out on you later- which is a difficult step for her to take. but she can be slightly inconsiderate when she talks about her other friends who are spiders- gwen can sometimes talk about them a little too much and her escapades with them, making you feel left out- and sometimes the way she talks about Hobie or miles can irritate you a little.

w- whole: would they feel incomplete without you?

gwen has learned to put herself together alone after the shit she’s been through, so it would take you two going through a hell of a lot together for her to actually really feel like you’re a part of her. not to mention she does have an unconscious fear of attachment because of what happened to Peter, and the betrayal of her father at the beginning of atsv (which was resolved i know but like it still scared her). but yeah, if you two have been together for long enough and her feelings for you are more enduring, she would feel incomplete if you left- but likely not for too long.

e- ending: what would cause them to break up with you? (ik i already did this letter but i wanna spell her name okay)

i imagine gwen would break up with someone for several reasons, but i think one of the kickers would be if you became too clingy. again, the attachment thing. if she feels like you’re smothering her you will definitely scare her off. gwen is also very independent, and she needs more of that time by herself than most people. it’s what she’s used to. violating that boundary will get you dumped real quick.

n- night: how are nights spent with them?

nighttime is when gwen is most active as spider-woman because that’s when a lot of villains like to come out of the shadows- so you don’t really get to spend time with her after dark. but you do like to peer out the window sometimes to catch a glimpse of her, swinging through the streets under the moonlight. if she sees you, she’ll definitely send you a smile or a brief wave before beating the hell out of her opponent.

Have read all the ACOTAR books? Who is your favorite character and least favorite character? Would love to know what do you think overall of that book considering it's so huge in the book community.

I have! I read them one after the other back in 2021-2022 and I definitely came away with many thoughts about the series and the implications it had for the book community.

My favourite character among the cast is Nesta. Although she is certainly influenced by Maas’s incongruous and shoddy writing style, I find that she presents a compelling point of contention for the rest of the characters. To me, Nesta seems to be one of the only characters in the series who is able to point out and articulate the madness of what is happening within the Inner Circle’s dynamics. She’s tenacious and unafraid of voicing her opposition even when doing so leads to ostracism and mistreatment from those around her. She’s far from perfect, but at least the text acknowledges her flaws and had her grow from her mistakes instead of sweeping them under the rug. I’ll always feel inclined to defend her because I don’t like the way she’s bullied by the narrative and on some level, I think her nasty qualities make her more interesting.

My least favourite character is Rhysand on the basis that his existence in the narrative makes reading ACOTAR a frustrating experience. It’s clear to me that Maas harbours some immense authorial favouritism towards Rhysand and it SHOWS. This means that Rhysand must always be morally justified, the most powerful, the most righteous, the most beautiful, and so on. The story can’t just sit with his actions, it feels the need to profusely explain them away so his image never has to change or develop into something else. Rhysand has a reputation of being morally gray, but it’s abundantly clear that Maas is averse to taking any risks that would actually cement him as a character with that level of complexity. As such, if you’re able to recognize his faults and contradictions, reading ACOTAR is akin to swimming upstream in a raging current. You have to fight the narrative in a way that is both unrewarding and needlessly frustrating.

As for my opinions on the series, I’ve always thought it had potential, but that it was also undeniably bad. It’s popularity in the Bookish community is expected because it’s very easy to read and get absorbed into the world. The very “teenage” dialogue and character dynamics could appeal to a wide variety of people and a number of people have stated that the series pulled them out of a reading slump. That being said, the series is bogged down by a long list of Maas’s flaws that make me resent ACOTAR’s popularity. Not to mention that some fans will hound you if you point out the flaws in the writing.

Here’s some of the things that stick out to me: Gender essentialism is rife in her stories and it’s very “males will be males” coupled with a rigidly heterosexual model for all relationships in her stories. Also, Maas’s use of feminist rhetoric butchers the values of that ideology and uses it as a flimsy tool for her male characters self-actualization and pseudo-redemption. Furthermore, the books are way longer than they have any right to be and would benefit from being cut down by 100-200 pages. Her plot lines are full of contradictions and are not harmonious, she retcons so many things that people convince themselves that many characters are “unreliable narrators” even when that term doesn’t apply in the slightest. *sigh* it’s just bad writing.

All in all, I get really annoyed whenever problems with ACOTAR are dismissed with “it’s not that deep” or “just don’t read it!” Because I think that engaging critically with these stories is important and that they should be subject to review.

Hello! Dunno if you do headcanons or not, but I have an ask for you. How do you think Dante would behave when he's in a disagreement/fight with his s/o? I see him as a rather conflict avoiding person, tbh. If there's a problem he'll do his best to ignore it and sweep it under the rug. Which is obviously not good, neither for him, nor his partner. So it really takes something special to force him to acknowledge the situation head on, I think.

Also. Do you think he would be first one to apologize afterwards or nah? Or depending on who's wrong? Just gimme some thoughts. Or don't, up to you :)

Have a nice day!

Dante (DCM5) Headcannons (part 1):

a.n: I think the whole ‘sweeping it under the rug’ behaviour would be the most accurate for him, but here’s some of my own!(i never did headcannons before so apologies if the formatting is weird?)

After a disagreement:

Dante is the first one to leave the argument, either by saying ‘I am not arguing with you right now/about this’, or simply walking away and leaving you talking to yourself

Dante is not a good listener when you share your argument, and rather ignore it completely to avoid stressing about it

Dante doesn’t raise his voice, but I don’t think he’d make eye contact either, especially while you’re talking, always looking down or to his surroundings as a way to deflect his attention as well

After a fight (yelling, etc):

I feel Dante would let you scream alone, and this is a double edged sword because it could  be perceived as manipulative (since you’d be seen as the emotional exploding mess and him the calm and collected rational guy), but also mostly because he REALLY doesn’t want to waste his energy yelling or getting worked up

He’d be the quiet type to just let you exhaust yourself, and then maybe have the audacity to ask ‘are you done?’ afterwards

I think to make him actively participate in a fight like this, it really would depend of the subject, if it’s something he perceives as unimportant by his own standards (even if in a general sense, it could be important), he is not going to give himself trouble getting personally involved

I think also that the only way to make him ‘care’ to participate is to really hammer it into his head until he snaps (which is also not really healthy for neither side), because I feel Dante is also the type of person to think one conversation fixes the problem, and once he realizes that’s not the case and you keep bringing it up, he’s going to eventually get fed up and then participate to see how to end it for good. But again, you’d be the one who’d have to lead this, which can be mentally exhausting.

a.n: also I know all of these make him sound like a terrible person, but I think toxic behaviours don’t necessarily make someone an exclusively toxic person, and all of these passive behaviours CAN be changed through enough communication

Who’d apologise first:

This is a toughie because I think Dante would definitely apologise first but mostly to end the argument faster, and only after you properly discuss everything that he’d give a genuine apology and offer to make it up to you somehow (can be an extensive process)

When he’s wrong, I think the more severe it is the more he’s going to try to avoid seeing it as his fault, because he wants to do things his way. In this case, I think the only way to get him to apologise first would to let him get his shit wrecked lol, to really beat the pride out of him

Final Thoughts:

Overall I think Dante when it comes to arguments, fights, and etc, is a really passive guy. He may give off the impression he doesn’t care or as dismissive, but I think mostly because he doesn’t know how to solve problems without fighting or killing. Throughout the games, from what I could gather, specially in DMC5, he lacks communication and prefers to handle things his way than to actually sit down and have a talk. Talking for him is just fighting, but with his S/O I feel he’d be at such a loss on how to handle the situation properly, it’d take a lot to make him go from “seemingly uncaring” to “understanding”. The main issue would be the ‘sweep under the rug’ mentality of him letting things pile up before they explode in his face, because he’s the kind of guy to say he can just ‘fix it later’.

In regards to the post I made about Henry earlier, here’s the headcanon 'theory' I have based on all of this:

Basil and Henry had a wonderful romance in college. It was a defining situationship for both of them, perhaps a genuine queer awakening for Henry (as he had toyed with the idea before, but had always seen it as a more ‘edgy way’ to generate outrage, Basil was the first person he genuinely fell in love with) and a validation of interest for Basil (“oh wow, a man really loves me! Neat!”). Regardless, there was certainly a romance between them.

I personally think Henry fucked it up because of commitment issues (Remember, while he complains about marriage, the real criticism is towards commitment as a whole. Being a bachelor gives you options, having to marry them away. He also consistently says 'eternity' scares him. Also Basil points to Henry being unable to understand his love for Dorian because Henry "change[s] too often") which then contributed to the breakdown of their relationship. But still, on Henry’s end, there was an egotistic belief that Basil would never find anyone as good as him (Henry) and therefore Basil was still and would always be his. Thus the violets: he might be in mourning for the nature of their relationship before, but he is faithful to the love they had. (“My dear old Basil, you are much more than an acquaintance.”)

And then Basil finds Dorian.

There’s an interesting thing that happens in the first chapter of the book where Henry never dismisses anything Basil says. In fact he goes out of his way to acknowledge them and expand upon them, even reassuring Basil at certain points. To me, it’s almost like Henry doesn’t grasp the depth of Basil’s love for Dorian. Basil seems to want to keep it that way, while also struggling to do so.

I think Basil's hesitancy is mostly out of guilt: Basil cares about Henry and feels that in some way this is partly a betrayal of their relationship (whatever that is to the both of them). I think it's also partly out of (justified) fear of how Henry will react.

Throughout the first chapter, Basil keeps confessing how much he likes Dorian ‘but only artistically!’, then backtracks hard, the moment Henry shows any interest in meeting Dorian (because that would prove Basil isn't telling the whole truth).

Henry keeps entertaining Basil’s little ‘it’s artistic only, i swear—” until this exchange:

““I am very glad you didn’t, Harry.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want you to meet him.”

“You don’t want me to meet him?”

“No.””

The repeat of Basil's words is extremely important, it points to a double take (literarily!). I believe this is the moment when Henry realizes that Basil’s interest isn’t artistic in any way. And this also marks the moment every action Henry takes towards Basil grows cruel and spiteful. After Parker announces Dorian’s arrival and they head, Henry, for the first time in the intro, fully dismisses what Basil says to him. Dismissing Basil becomes a repeated action through out the rest of the novel.

“Then he looked at Lord Henry. “Dorian Gray is my dearest friend,” he said. “He has a simple and a beautiful nature. Your aunt was quite right in what she said of him. Don’t spoil him. Don’t try to influence him. Your influence would be bad. The world is wide, and has many marvellous people in it. Don’t take away from me the one person who gives to my art whatever charm it possesses: my life as an artist depends on him. Mind, Harry, I trust you.” He spoke very slowly, and the words seemed wrung out of him almost against his will.

“What nonsense you talk!” said Lord Henry, smiling, and taking Hallward by the arm, he almost led him into the house.”

Later when they meet with Dorian. There is an extremely interesting change from the 1890 ver.

1891 ver: “No wonder Basil Hallward worshipped him.”

1890: “No wonder Basil Hallward worshipped him. He was made to be worshipped.”

Upon laying eyes on Dorian, Henry realizes he cannot compare at all. Basil didn’t just replace him, Basil sought someone who was nothing like him and far superior to what Henry stood for. What better way to announce you’ve moved on than falling in love with someone completely different and even 'better' than your ex? 

After this, Henry forces Basil to ask him to stay. He makes an excuse when Dorian asks and plays coy until Basil finally says : “Stay, Harry, to oblige Dorian, and to oblige me.” 

By the way, Basil already asked Henry to stay on Dorian’s behalf (“If Dorian wishes it, of course you must stay. Dorian’s whims are laws to everybody, except himself.”), but Henry wanted Basil to say “I want you to stay. I want you to stay for me, Harry.”

Mike Wheeler is important and there's nothing wrong with analyzing him

Since y'all wanna be insufferable bitches about it I'm gonna explain to you why he's important, why Will loves him, why his struggles should be acknowledged, and why his character depth is pivotal to byler endgame being a satisfying conclusion for both Mike AND Will. Deal with it!

We are not seeing smoke where there isn't a flame. We are seeing smoke where there is a literal fucking forest fire.

Starting off with something a lot of people aren't ready for but I've seen more people talking about: Mike is the main character of s1 at the very least. He is the character that brings us into the world of stranger things. He is the character that the writers chose for this. Mike is the main character of s1 and it was an instant hit. The writers love Mike. Contrary to popular belief, giving a character an arc where they are struggling and their behavior changes from what is normal for the character we know and love does NOT mean the writers hate that character. It means they deliberately chose to give that character complexity and depth. Your inability to like characters that do anything wrong ever is not the fault of the writers. Your decision to act as if a character is not important is not reflective of the actual narrative because it in fact is in direct opposition to the narrative. So just to be clear, if you genuinely believe that Mike isn't important, or that the writers hate him, or don't care about him, or that his story "takes away" from any other character's - ESPECIALLY WILL'S - you are simply wrong.

In s1 and s2 Mike is established as an extremely caring person. He's loving, loyal, brave, intelligent, and trying his best. He is also established to be hot headed, someone who speaks without thinking quite often, someone who is capable of hurting his friends despite that being the last thing he wants to do. He is all of these things and more. He is a human. He is a kid. So in s3, when suddenly he is entirely different, it is completely logical to assume that there is a reason for that. He did not just wake up one day and decide he wanted to be an asshole, push Will away, make his friends feel abandoned, and echo the same sentiments their bullies held. Something is happening with him. He has so much going on in his head and it is painfully obvious. He's holding something in, he's hiding from everyone and from himself. We see glimpses of what he's trying to hide after Will calls him out on his behavior. Will gets through to him. Mike is usually unresponsive to tough love, except for when it's coming from Will. After their fight, it is obvious that he's trying to be better. But he still doesn't wanna face certain things, and he doesn't know how to navigate that. Because he's 13 years old.

There is a reason for all of that internal conflict. There is a reason it comes pouring out of him at certain times. He's crumbling. He is quite literally falling apart because he's holding on to too much. It's not a stretch to assume that, it just takes basic media literacy. Why would the writers have Mike act this way if he was just supposed to be a one dimensional character? Why would Finn be directed to portray Mike the way he does if there was nothing more going on? There are times where Mike looks like he's in physical pain because of his internal conflict. There is a reason for that. And acknowledging that DOES NOT mean people are taking away from Will. That's the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. Do y'all seriously not understand that more than one character can have emotionally complex storylines? Genuinely asking, is this a new concept for you?

Will's love for Mike

Will is head over heels in love with Mike. That is very much established. So when you're dismissing the emotional depth of Mike's individual arc because you think acknowledging it "takes away from Will" you are actually diminishing the significance of a huge aspect of Will's emotional arc. By taking away the significance of Mike, you take away from the significance of Will.

Let's do a quick recap of the very significant role Mike has played in Will's entire life:

Mike is Will's first friend.

They have grown up together and it can be assumed that they've reached important milestones together.

Mike has always been a safe person for Will. He's been a constant in Will's very chaotic and unfair life. Until the summer of '85, Mike had always been something good in Will's life. (That's not to say he is no longer something good, but it can be assumed that the summer of '85 is the first time Mike has been a causal factor in Will's unhappiness)

When Will went missing, Mike did not hesitate to search for him. It wasn't even a question of if. The moment he knew Will was missing he knew exactly what he'd be doing that night. He spearheaded the search amongst the party. He was the leader.

When Will came back, Mike was the only person that didn't treat him like he was gonna break. He cared for him, and he was there for him, but he didn't treat him differently; Will tells us as much. Which means we can infer that the way Mike was with Will in s2 - how gentle and loving he was - was nothing new. He had just always been like that.

When Will was possessed, Mike stayed by his side. Even when it was scary, even when it could've gotten him killed, he stayed. Because once again, for him, it wasn't even a question. That's just where he knew he needed to be. He was in the shed when they were trying to get through to Will. He was set apart from Lucas and Dustin, but he also wasn't equated to family. And his retelling of the story of the day they first met was the final push Will needed to find a way to communicate.

After a year of things being "weird" between them, Mike tells Will that he didn't deserve to be treated the way he had been. Mike tells him that he wants them to be okay again, and for the rest of the season he puts in the work.

Things get rough in s3, and at the beginning of s4, and despite all of that, Will confesses his love (albeit veiled). In a moment where Mike is feeling awful about himself, he tells him that he loves him and needs him, and he tells him why. And to him it doesn't matter that he's breaking his own heart to do it, because it's Mike. Mike, who makes him feel like he's not a mistake at all, and that he's better for being different. For Will, there was no other option. The person he loves was hurting and he knew how to help, and so he did.

Mike is the first person Will tells about Vecna still being alive. Because they're back to being a team. He knows he can trust Mike, and Mike seems to be very determined to prove him right.

SO.

These are all real and canon aspects of Mike's presence in Will's life. Will falling in love with Mike isn't something that just happened for no reason. Will fell in love with Mike because of who Mike is. When you acknowledge that, and when you acknowledge the reasons they've set out for why Will loves him - the reasons Will literally told us - you can better understand Will. But when you dismiss all of these things about Mike, you are dismissing a large portion of Will's emotional and romantic arc. You aren't being a Will Warrior. You are erasing so much of him and his feelings and his lived experience. That is not the hill you wanna die on.

Will loves a person. Not a feeling. Yes, he says that Mike makes him feel like he's not a mistake and that he's better for being different. But that's not why he loves him. He feels that way because he loves him.

Mike is a fully fleshed out character with his own feelings and struggles and fears and traumas and motivations. He's not a plot device. He's not just an accessory to Will's arc. He's not a character that was written only to be Will's love interest. He's Will's love interest because he's Mike.

If Mike didn't matter, and if Mike didn't play a significant role in byler, then they would be able to write in a love interest for Will in s5 and have it be somewhat satisfying. But they can't do that. Will's love for Mike has so much depth because Mike has so much depth. It is genuinely crazy that this has to be stated and that I have to back up this claim because it is simply a canon fact.

So yes, the rain fight affects Mike's character development and his involvement in it is important. Yes, the van scene literally could not exist without Mike and therefore his involvement in it is incredibly important. Yes, every single byler moment has an impact on Mike, and Mike has an impact on it because they are BYLER moments. Yes, Mike will have a lot of significant moments - with Will AND on his own - in s5 because his arc deserves and needs as much attention as Will's in order to execute byler endgame in a satisfying way.

No, none of these facts negate Will's importance or take away from his story. If anything, they add to it because Mike and Will's arcs are corresponding and intertwined.

Mike's struggles

To name a few

Dysfunctional family

Has been bullied his entire life

Extreme self worth issues

Inferiority complex

Hero complex

Lack of self preservation

Suicidal ideation (has been on display since SEASON ONE)

Internalized homophobia

To get this out of the way: Mike's internalized homophobia is allowed to be discussed. Discussion of it is not the dismissal of Will's internalized homophobia. Surprise surprise, two queer kids in the 80s have internalized homophobia! Who'd'a thunk it?! Their internalized homophobia presents in different ways but it is there for both of them. I personally relate to the way Mike's is portrayed way more than I relate to Will's. So why is it that we can't discuss it without being accused of erasing Will's experience? Or without people saying that we're "copy and pasting" Will's story? Because quite frankly, that feels dismissive of my - and likely many others' - real and lived experience. So please for the love of all things that are good just stop with this talking point because it will never hold up.

Moving on

I'm not gonna do a full breakdown of all of Mike's issues. Because contrary to popular belief, there are a lot. And that would be exhausting and I'd get carried away and it's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to defend the acknowledgement and mere existence of them.

If you're a byler that for some reason thinks Mike only exists to be Will's love interest and his trophy as compensation for his trauma, let me ask you this: Have you considered how awful it would be to have a queer character's individuality and emotional depth completely ignored for the sake of focusing on the queer character that "really matters"?

If Mike's own issues, with his queer identity and otherwise, aren't thoroughly explored... What's the point of all this? If Mike really is insignificant in this storyline and his individuality has no effect on it.. where's the emotional payoff? If his perspective doesn't matter... Why have the writers gone to such great lengths to ensure we don't have that piece of the puzzle yet?

Analyzing Mike and understanding Mike is very important to understanding byler. Once again, I think it's crazy that this needs to be said.

I also think it's important to note that characters can have similar struggles. There's no rule against that. Just like real life. Characters having similar struggles is not a bad thing, and acknowledging that their struggles are similar is not dismissive of either character. We're talking about STRANGER THINGS. Jonathan and Nancy's thing is "we've got shared trauma". They have literal matching scars. Shared experiences are some of the main building blocks for this show's romances. Byler has a TON of shared experience, basically their entire lives. We already know that. So wouldn't it be so beautiful for them to learn that they've been struggling with the same thing this whole time? That the entire time they felt alone in what they were going through when really they had each other and they never even knew it? Wouldn't it be so beautiful for Mike's acceptance of Will and Will's love for him was also a step toward accepting himself? Wouldn't it be beautiful for Will to learn that his love makes Mike feel like he's not a mistake? None of that would be in the realm of possibility if Mike didn't have emotional depth and if his individuality wasn't important.

And that leads me to my concluding point...

A satisfying execution of byler endgame hinges on Mike's individual emotional arc being handled well

God I hope this isn't controversial to say. I sincerely hope most people haven't forgotten that.

Here's a hypothetical:

Imagine season five has been released. You're watching it, and you notice that Mike has been relegated to just a supporting character for Will. We don't get any of his perspective. We don't get any explanation for his s3 and early s4 behavior. His breakup with El doesn't have any real tangible effect on him, it's really just used for El's character development. We never see him pining for Will like we saw Will pining for him. And then suddenly Mike is learning about the painting and then suddenly he's confessing his love and then suddenly byler is canon and official.

Now wouldn't that just be awful? Wouldn't that be unfair to the audience, to Mike, and to Will? For us to never learn just how much Mike had to go through to even be able to say it out loud? For Mike to never get the chance to prove to himself through word and action that he is the heart? For Will to never get an explanation for why things did get so "weird" between them? It would leave us with one big, nagging question: What was the point of everything Mike has said and done throughout the entire show if his conclusion is that lackluster?

Disregarding Mike for a moment (I know that's incredibly ironic given what the entire point of this is but just bear with me) - how would that be a satisfying conclusion for Will? I mean, Will's s4 arc was basically dedicated to showcasing his struggle with his sexuality and with his love for Mike. We were shown just how deep that love is. We were shown how patient, unselfish, unwavering, and beautiful that love is. So how would it be satisfying for Mike's love for him to not be shown with just as much depth? How would it be satisfying for Mike to just be a one dimensional character whose s5 arc is essentially "break up with girlfriend, wait to find out best friend is in love with him, say he loves him back, then they live happily ever after"? I think Will deserves for his love to be returned with the same intensity at which he gives it. And I think it should be clear to the audience and to Will himself.

Back to Mike!

Mike has been through so much shit. I don't think anyone that is denying that actually believes he hasn't been through shit. Because you'd actually have to watch the show on mute and with your eyes closed to think this kid hasn't had just the worst time. It's so ignorant to act as if this stuff hasn't affected him. There's stuff we've seen but there's stuff we also haven't seen. There are issues he has that date back to his childhood pre-canon. Just like Will, Mike has been a queer kid growing up in 80s smalltown conservative america. Acknowledging the pain he 100% carries because of that is so important. His perspective has been withheld from us, not because it's unimportant, but because it's the final puzzle piece. If we had Mike's perspective in s4, byler wouldn't be a "will they won't they" (even though we all know they will). If we got his perspective in s4, byler would be a "100% certain without a doubt they will". But the thing about his perspective is that it's so much more than just loving Will. It's fear. It's pain. It's insecurity. It's doubt. It's the belief that his happiness just doesn't matter all that much. All of that has to be explored. All of that has to be laid out in the open for us in order for byler endgame to feel earned. Mike's emotional payoff will lead to byler's emotional payoff.

Mike has known he loves Will. In s5 we will see him make a deliberate and active effort to overcome the things keeping him from doing something about it. And then he will do something about it.

And so when it finally happens. When both Mike and Will finally know that their feelings are requited, and when their arcs end with us knowing that they will face whatever life has in store for them together, that will feel earned. That will feel like the logical conclusion for both of them. Not just for Mike. Not just for Will. For both.

And Mike is just as important to that conclusion as Will is.

And one last thing...

Some people are going to talk about Mike more. Some people are going to talk about Will more. Because newsflash, people have preferences. Some people just relate to Mike more, or they find his emotional arc extremely compelling, or they just like him. It isn't an attack on Will or any other character. No one is saying Mike is more important than any other character (I'm sure there are people that say that but they are a vocal minority and they are simply wrong). We are just saying that he is important. If you wanna engage in media analysis, please understand that "main character" or "central character" does not mean "only important character" and "only character that should be analyzed". If you wanna talk about Will and only Will, that's fine. But you don't get to act like people that talk about other characters are doing a disservice to your fave, because that's not how any of this works.

To kind of add onto the Aoiaoi post from earlier I just wanted to include a few things I didn’t mention cause discourse

Akane didn’t strangle Aoi, but he still pushed her over, and proceeded to grab her by the neck and forced her upwards, hence the coughing. That’s still bad, actually!

Tbhktwt is having a moment right now, and I feel like a lot of people are either overblowing / diluting the conflict in the chapter. Akane is being forceful, both physically and not, and that’s not good! It’s obvious to say that in no other situation would Aoi have confronted her issues, but that doesn’t take away from the invasive act of it. He isn’t just forcing her to confront her feelings, he’s distressing her on purpose to prove his point, no matter his intentions he’s still doing something wrong. They’re both incredibly messed up individuals, and Aoi has a lot of blood on her hands as well.

Aoi intended on killing herself, and when Akane got in her way, she took him with her.

I’ve reread Akane & Aoi multiple times and still sit on the conclusion that their confrontation solved nothing. Akane is upset at Aoi for lying to people, but he doesn’t once try to rationalize why she’s doing so. Instead, he puts all the blame on her. He claims to understand her so deeply yet not once does he show her an ounce of grace. All he does is make her problems a “what about me?”, he doesn’t ask her anything, it’s all just what he thinks. “Why do you act like this?” Would’ve been a lot better than just getting in her face to yell, I think. Aoi has reasons for the way she acts, not excuses, but she tells him why she thinks that way and he still doesn’t get it. He repeatedly dismisses her distress, and gets in her space when she doesn’t want him to. She isn’t flustered, she’s uncomfortable. Which should be obvious considering the difference between the expressions she makes when she is! This chapter, and I really can’t stress this enough, is the farthest thing from romantic, and absolutely eons away from being even remotely healthy. This chapter is a hard and uncomfortable read, because of how deeply gross it is.

Aoiaoi is an incredibly complex relationship that shows two people in a toxic codependency, and Akane & Aoi is the absolute breaking point. They’re both fucked up in ways that only being apart can fix, and when forcing them to “confront” their issues, it’s just going to get messy. The objective view of them as peers is muddled when you focus on the imbalance between the two. Aoi has dealt with constant harassment from childhood, and as shown in the chapter, and has assumedly been mostly sexual harassment. And for Akane show such a clear disregard of her comfort is gross in basically every way. That is the rock bottom of Aoiaoi, and I am so tired of people justifying what happens just because they like them.

And I can repeat this a thousand times, every relationship in tbhk is flawed. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore the bad behavior in them, and using it as an excuse is exhausted and weird. You can like Aoiaoi all you want, but that doesn’t mean you should justify the bad shit! Every relationship is flawed, but that doesn’t mean they’re all flawed the same. Not everything is toxic yaoi, some things are just toxic, and acknowledging that is really important. Don’t justify abuse or mistreatment! I think!

I could restate the whole end-part of the original Aoiaoi post but I don’t feel like it. Uhmmmm I don’t hate Aoiaoi I just personally think they should be treated by the fandom at large with more tact and care. They’re volatile and in a lot of cases I see people just, ignore the toxicity, in favor of a cute ship and that’s not great. Understanding flaws within characters is important, don’t be dense, don’t be misogynistic! Cause Aoi hate is usually that! Akane hate isn’t though as much as I love him he has his,,,low points (this entire post) and deserves getting thrown through multiple stained glass windows

Uh ninja out bye

This has been one of the strong issues of Pak’s Darth Vader so far for me, probably because it feels like a retread of Soule’s Darth Vader: Dark Lord of the Sith and because it’s possible that it’s just complete word salad nonsense or it might be something genuinely meaningful. One of the things that explains so much about a lot of Anakin stories--especially ones that center around his destiny and his choice to become Darth Vader--is that, if you look at them through the lens of the Force taking a rolled up newspaper and bapping him on the nose with it, trying to get him to actually search his feelings and face himself and understand. That’s what the Mortis arc reads to me as being all about, everything that happens there is the Force trying to get Anakin to face his own guilt and anger, to let them go, so that he can fulfill his destiny, that’s why the Force works so hard to play out these things around him. To get him to think. And that’s what happens again and again and again in Dark Lord of the Sith, where the Force literally slams a vision into his head, clears the dark side out from his vision, his eyes are blue, and he sees Obi-Wan in a field somewhere, that he would lower his lightsaber and say Anakin’s name, if Anakin would only go to him and ask for help.  And every single arc after that is the Force showing him a path he could have taken. He could have let go of his attachments and stayed in the light and saved Jedi knowledge for the next generation like Jocasta Nu.  He could have fallen to the dark, but still helped the future generations like Ferren Barr did.  He could have just walked away all together and lived a life away from all of it like Eeth Koth did.  Instead, he rejected them all, “No. This is all there is.” he says of the path he has chosen.  He chose to be frozen in time and to hold onto his fear and hate like Darth Momin did, to try to force his will onto the rest of the galaxy. And he failed.  He couldn’t bring Padme back to life and he couldn’t move on, because he refuses to look within himself and truly face himself and what he wants. So along comes the Force again.  Yet one more time, through another dark-side-laden cave, where a mysterious creature pelts him with visions of himself and the people that mean the most to him, you see Obi-Wan, you see Luke, you see Sidious, you see Anakin himself, it goes on for twelve pages. Vader is just stomping his way through enemies and crumbling stone perches over lava, already battered and barred from using the Force, while this creature asks him, What does it mean to be chosen?  Who chooses?  What do you want? What do you need?  If you could choose, would you be chosen?  Have you decided? Yet, Vader ignores it all.  He’s heard this kind of thing before, he dismisses it as just a test from his Master, he refuses yet again to think through his own wants and needs, to find the path that’s truly meant for him. Instead, he just punches and kills and murders his way through things based on his own anger and anything that gets in his way will be destroyed. Is it possible that the Webbish Bog is manipulating him, rather than genuinely trying to help him?  Yeah, of course.  It’s holding a Sith Wayfinder and lives on Mustafar, the whole reason Sidious sent him here was to punish Vader and make sure that he was still steeped in the dark side. But even dark side caves show you things that the Force wants you to acknowledge.  Luke’s visions in the cave on Dagobah are similar--he sees Vader’s image, strikes him down, and then sees his own face in Vader’s helmet, because it wasn’t about Vader at all, it was about his own fears and confronting them.  It’s like the caves of Ilum that the Jedi have as their most important tradition--you’re shown the things you fear, and you must let them go, you must face them and pass through them, you must let go of the prisons you’re keeping yourself in, each of them unique to the individual, each of them meant to be about a Jedi looking to understand themselves. In that confrontation on Dagobah, Luke struck out in fear, he failed the test set before him because he couldn’t face his feelings.  And we know how he goes on to fail when he leaves Dagobah, because he doesn’t trust his friends, because he fears for them, rather than because they truly need his help.  He spends weeks, if not months in a tailspin after the revelations and how wonky his connection with the Force is.  He has to work so hard and face so much of himself to get back to the path that’s right for him, that he’s destined for. In this confrontation on Mustafar, Vader strikes out in anger and he’s powerful enough (and these are real, rather than visions), that he stomps his way up to the Webbish Bog and makes it through on sheer power alone.  “Do you think you passed this test... or failed it?”  There’s no definitive answer, because the Force doesn’t really care about whether or not het gets the Wayfinder, it’s about whether or not he looks within himself. He passes Sidious’ test, he stays trapped in the dark and his own hate and pain and fear, but he fails the Force’s test to look inside himself, the face himself, to understand himself, and to let go of all that pain.  It will still be so much longer before Vader can truly find the path he’s meant to find in the Force, because he still refuses to even look inward to what he really needs.

I'd have to profoundly disagree about Dream not being a bad person - not because I think he's a bad person, but because a fairly large point of the story is that he will not look on himself as anything other than a bad person. He makes immense strides throughout the story and he's full on all the benevolences and virtues you ascribe to him across your posts, and an awful lot of Brief Lives is given over to other characters noting how Dream has changed quite profoundly from when they first came to know him, changes he denies or dismisses at every turn. Before all the pieces fall into place with The Kindly Ones it's an understandable trend, for Morpheus has never been one to take compliments about his person gracefully or self-reflect unless outright pushed into it.

When all the pieces fall into place, though, when you see he'd readied himself to snare his neck in a noose should things ever get that bad and tripped the wires after killing Orpheus, that trend becomes a lot more troubling. Of course he refuses any acknowledgement he's become a better, kinder, tenderer person despite everything we've seen across the series. Of course he can't accept his own brother (greatly changed himself) saying this Dream is not the Dream of old. It's right there in the way blood appears on Morpheus' hands when he sends Orpheus on to beyond and stays there until he consciously washes it away, only to see the memory of how his dismissive words triggered a series of actions that ended in his son's untimely death. There is, to Morpheus' eyes, unforgivable sin upon his person, and however much he spends the years after his captivity building himself back better, the sickening necrotic black marks upon his soul from every terrible wrong he perpetrated in his past look unhealable.

This is an objective falsehood, naturally enough. If Morpheus could develop and change and improve as much as we saw, he could readily keep going and fully live past his guilts with enough time - hell, it's a subtle plot point in The Kindly Ones that Morpheus doesn't even have to die, the Furies will readily take true repentance as a sign their mission is through. It's just... not in his nature to LET himself see these things. His is a slow, steady path, supported by dozens of confidants he rarely acknowledges as important yet values deeply nonetheless, and into that path is thrown a reminder of what happened with Orpheus, such that the ungodly amount of work he put into ensuring his own death via a complex interlocking domino string was easy to start as stumbling back a few steps and blindly reaching out. Even then, there are so, so many points throughout The Kindly Ones when he could make it stop, when he could choose kindness to himself as he'd chosen kindness to so many others, when he could be open and honest and let everyone know what's REALLY wrong rather than drawing back into his cold, isolating self. He believes so strongly in all of creation; why not himself?

I really think it's because Dream looks at himself as a bad person, and being the highly willful Prince of Stories, he actualizes that interpretation of himself into reality. It's not true, not as anyone who cares about him would see it, but the final trauma of confronting his gravest error struck a blow so deep he would not let anything else be true. An otherwise kind, loving, caring world fills with portents of death and disaster, those with best intentions have their actions diverted or nullified by the strength of his narrative, and it's all so damnably tragic because a bare thousand can change reality, yet the same is true of a sufficiently determined one, especially as reality concerns oneself. Morpheus is only prey to the Kindly Ones because he earnestly, truly believes he deserves all they can whip and tear from his flesh, and denies any possibility he might deserve forgiveness for what passed between him and Orpheus and with it the chance at his perspective persisting.

It's a complex interplay, but speaking for myself, I think it's deeply important the TV adaptation keep this paradox of Morpheus being a person like any other with greater capacity for putting good into the world than evil after his journey, only for his depression to corrupt everything about it and force reality to bend in service of destroying the monster he sees within himself. Such an angle makes The Sandman an important story to me for the way it reflects my own struggles with depression, and with the context of The Wake there's the question of whether The Kindly Ones depicts the death of a man or a mindset that held the whole back from true improvement. The world of the Netflix series is kinder than the comic's baseline, yes, but I've a feeling Morpheus' cruelty towards himself is so potent and so integral to what Gaiman was trying to do with the story that the changes you propose feel anathema to its success.

Basically he's not a bad person, but he believes he is, and within the philosophical cosmology of the comic that means it's true after a fashion, even if nobody else agrees.

The thing is, I believe we agree on the majority of points you have made. Morpheus does indeed see himself as a bad person, but as you have continued to state, that is not true to anyone else looking in on the situation other than him. The Sandman is as a whole a story about stories, and the way stories affect us. So of course naturally there are going to be multiple interpretations and different people are going to come away with different feelings and ideas after finishing the tale. But I don't believe anyone who has read this story, including you my friend, truly believes Morpheus is a bad person in this story (even the troll I got on my post the other day only stated that to be contrary and an asshole). Where we differ is that I don't believe that Morpheus has the ability to manifest his own belief as truth in this instance. It takes a thousand dreamers to change reality. Even Morpheus cannot change it alone, otherwise Overture would have gone very differently. But far more than a thousand people have read the comic, have pondered those thoughts as we do now, have determined that Morpheus was worth saving. I believe the comic expects the audience to consider these things. Hence the ending is not set in stone, is not made entirely clear. There is ambiguity in what happened to him at the end. Multiple interpretations to be made, more hopeful, optimistic outlooks to be considered.

It is interesting that you brought up Cain and Abel's comments about the only death being the death of a point of view, rather than the death of a man. Do you therefore view Morpheus himself as the embodiment of depression? Of a toxic mindset that needed to die in order for Dream to be able to go on in a new more positive light?

It's an interesting interpretation my friend, though I always saw Cain and Abel as very unreliable narrators, and here they are parrotting Morpheus' own beliefs, which are almost always framed as incorrect in the comic - this panel in The Wake is closely followed by the heartfelt and loving speeches of various characters who loved Morpheus, and who very much saw him as a man, and mourn him as a man. The Wake imo specifically refutes the idea that Morpheus was not a person. It specifically refutes the idea that his death was necessary. It proves him wrong. If Morpheus was wrong about his very nature, then he can also be wrong about his belief that he was intrinsically bad as well.

I do understand your viewpoint, but I think that the comics are a lot more flexible on these concepts that you may think. I struggled a lot at first with The Kindly Ones but the more I consider the key points in this story, and the message at its heart, I choose to look at it more optimistically. I also don't believe his inability to seek help or listen to the advice of those who loved him makes him bad. It makes him morbidly depressed, but not bad. A depressed persons cruelty towards themselves is tragic, but does not make them a bad person, especially not when everyone around them sees them as someone worthy of love and worthy of saving. Even Morpheus with all his power and ability to affect reality, could not change the views of those who loved him, and I think more importance should be put on the way he affected others than the way he viewed himself. Since that's what The Wake was all about.

Donnie is supposed to be the smart one, but he sure is a fucking idiot.

I've been thinking it over, ruminating on what he's done so far, and the lengths that he goes to to dismiss his emotions borders on the absurd. No, it is entirely nonsensical. He says he feels nothing for them, but the act of agreeing to the date, setting it up, building a God damn telescope to impress them, holding their hand, having the notepad, all shows very clearly that this isn't true. If he truly felt nothing, he would have rejected them as soon as he heard the word 'date' on more than 0 hours sleep. Perhaps even then. He wanted to feel it out, pretend to be in the movies. Enact extravagance, a perfect date. Platonically. And I say either you're a manipulative piece of shit or a liar. Why exactly would you want to reenact a cut scene from Love, Actually on a date with your best galpal? And say it was for the experience? Please. You aren't larping, get a grip. This is real life. Gender nonspecific gal, of course. He blames the fact that he wanted, yes wanted because even if he refuses to use that word I will, to kiss this person on everything but the truth. You don't want to kiss someone unless you like them, and even if someone would want to kiss their friends, that someone is not you, Mr. can't-handle-physical-contact-or-affection. Yes, even when you eat good food and had fun with them. Why do you think you felt those feelings being close to them at the telescope? Idiot. And then the jealousy. The betrayal he felt. Not for a moment did he stop to consider its origin? He tore everything apart, lost his cool. Felt hurt for caring, just like everyone has. Ran away for gods sake. Only to recind all of his emotions after being confronted with them? They put their heart on the line with the truth, and he cowers. Its right there, staring him in the face. And yet he refuses to see it. As though by acknowledging it he would be taking a nose dive off the brooklyn bridge, or something equally horrible (to stay local in my analogies). Where is your bravery now, Don? His denial runs so deep he's convinced its his reality. Its a willful ignorance. I wonder how he would feel, knowing he is willingly blocking out important information. Like a person instead of a machine that processes data without bias. He continues to attempt objectivity, when he is incapable. As someone who values knowledge above everything else, how would he react knowing that something so clear was beyond his mental grasp. It's simply incredible. I wonder, if it were someone else, would he see through their bluster?

You're just as alive as the rest of them Donatello. Stop trying to outrun your feelings before you herniate something.

Im aware none of this is news to you nor anyone, but I just wanted to share my thoughts. You write him beautifully, and I suppose you could consider this is my love letter to your writing. I analyze him because I understand him, he exasperates me mostly because I recognize myself, and thats the beauty of a well written work.

YOU KILLED HIM. HE'S DEAD!!!! 💀💀💀

No, but for real, absolute incredible analysis. It was a joy to read. I'm glad it ignited a passion in you even if that passion is great frustration! Thank you oh so much for sharing.

REBELS REWATCH

S1E9 — GATHERING FORCES

The episode is a continuation of S1E8 “Empire Day”. It opens with a dogfight, because of course it does. Hera commands Sabine to man the nose guns, as Sabine herself had stated earlier. However, she hesitates, not knowing whether to deal with Tseebo’s revelation or to be in the weapons bay as required. She is conflicted between needing to help fire upon the enemy and wanting to be a grounding presence for Ezra. Needlessly, he asks, “Didn’t you hear Hera?” He knows his needs are not important right this very moment, choosing instead to tell Sabine to prioritize the battle in the skies over his own feelings. Sabine however, asks in return, “Didn’t you hear Tseebo? He said he knows what happened to your parents.” Ezra doesn’t need further comfort, or at least so he thinks. He tells Sabine, “I already know what happened. They’re dead. So go!” Sabine lingers for a few seconds more, still feeling torn. A blast rocks the ship, so she turns and heads to the nose guns as ordered. Ezra watches her walk away, and turns to Tseebo. Shaking him by the shoulders, he demands, “Are they? Are my parents dead?” Tseebo warns, “The Bridgers should hide. The troopers came. They took Mira and Ephraim Bridger away.” Desperate for information, Ezra’s voice grows louder, “Where? Where did they take them?” Tseebo says, “Forgive Tseebo. Forgive him.” Incredulous, Ezra says, “Forgive you?!” Tseebo says, “Tseebo failed.” Ezra shakes his head in disbelief. His friend says, “Tseebo was afraid. Tseebo could not raise Ezra Bridger.” Betrayed and devastated, Ezra shouts, “Coward! You could have stopped them! Why didn’t you stop them?” Hera calls through the comms, “Shields down! Ezra, I need you in the cockpit!” The teenager acknowledges the order, but turns back to Tseebo, voice full of hurt and betrayal. “Forgive you? My parents trusted you and you failed them and you failed me. I’ll never forgive you for that.”

Ezra makes his way to the cockpit and helps Hera with some rewiring.

Tseebo helps to calculate the jump to light speed, which brings the Ghost safely out of harm’s way. Hera thanks Tseebo for it. “I think you saved our lives,” says Hera. Ezra, however still hurt from the revelation earlier, brushes past, dismissively stating, “Yeah, I guess there’s a first time for everything.”

The crew gather in the Ghost’s common space, and Sabine and Hera attempt to bring Chopper back online. Ezra, however, sits sulking at the holochess table. Sabine looks up at Ezra, a quizzical look on her face. He sits idle, lost in his own thoughts, his emotions swirling in an angry current.

Ezra looks up at Kanan and asks, “So? Now what do we do with him?” Kanan tells him that he should be the one who can offer up ideas, given his history with Tseebo. Ezra, wanting to avoid talking about his hurt feelings, picks up one of his stolen (and painted) helmets, puts it on, and says, “Don’t know. Don’t much care.” Kanan offers advice to Ezra, saying that he’ll “never advance as a Jedi if you can’t be honest with yourself, at least.” (This statement is interesting given how years into the future, Sabine would become a Jedi under Asoka’s tutelage, but that she fully opened herself to the Force because she was honest with herself (perhaps about why she was faltering in her initial training), honest about her feelings (regarding Ezra, her long-lost significant other), willing to admit to herself what kinds of feelings she had been bottling up for way too long (e.g., her parents’ eventual demise, not being able to move past her grief of losing her family and also Ezra, not to mention the closeness of the Spectres, among other things). By finally opening up snd being honest to herself about so many things, she opened herself to the Force and it flowed through her like water our of a broken dam.) Frustrated, Ezra asks, “What’s that supposed to mean?” He stands up, ready to walk off. Kanan grabs Ezra’s helmet, removing it from the teenager’s head, and says, “It means Tseebo matters to you.” Ezra turns around. Kanan continues, “You do care what happens to him.” Ezra, still hurt from earlier and refusing to acknowledge his pain, responds with, “Why should I? He did nothing to save my parents.” Kanan notes that it would have been impossible for one individual with as Tseebo to have done anything against “the entire Empire.” Sabine contributes her thoughts: “And besides, look at what he’s done since. The Imperials encourage these implants but they’re not mandatory.” (That’s something Sabine would actually know, given her past history as an Imperial cadet at the Academy.) She continues, “Not yet. He must have volunteered.” Ezra isn’t convinced, and crossed his arms. Sabine notes, “And then he uploaded their secrets and ran. Maybe he’s trying to make up for letting you down. Why else would he take on the Empire alone?” A few mutterings by Tseebo later, Sabine translates, “he said the Empire can track the Ghost.”

Chopper scans the Ghost, finds the tracker attached to it, and shows the Spectres where it is. Sabine realizes that the Ghost is indeed being followed. Hera notes that the tracker is on the Phantom, and makes plans to drop the Phantom. Sabine disagrees, so Kanan suggests passing by an asteroid field close to a base where Sabien and Hera were last episode. At the mere mention, Sabine says, “You mean the base with the nasties who live in the shadows?” Clearly remembering her ordeal there, she does not want to revisit that place. Ezra, standing by a doorway, agrees with the sentiment: “Wait, what? Why would we want to go down there?” (Fair enough, he was accosted by a fyrnock on that base. 10/10 do not recommend.)

Kanan says it’s not just the tracker they should be worried about, as they are being pursued by an Inquisitor. “As long as Ezra and I are on board the Ghost, we’re jeopardizing Tseebo’s escape.”

Ezra does not like this suggestion: “So, I gotta leave the Ghost and go to this nasty-filled asteroid as a favor to Tseebo?” Kanan sys, “As a favor to all of us. And don’t worry. I’ll be right beside you.” Defeated, Ezra sighs,

Cut to perhaps several minutes later, and Ezra is standing by the galley, across the room from Tseebo. He is still upset. The door swooshes open, and Sabine walks in. Carefully choosing her words, Sabine asks, “So, your parents…do you really believe they’re dead?” Ezra looks away from Sabine, and curtly replies, “Yes.” It’s not a subject he likes to bring up, but the day has not gone well for him in the slightest. He is still unsure of what he is, or should be, feeling, if he’s being honest. He continues, “No. I-I don’t know. Does it matter?” Sabine offers a rebuttal. “Yeah, of course it matters. You have to talk to Tseebo before we go.” Ezra tells her that’s he’s tried to do so. Sabine doesn’t take no for an answer: “Okay, so try harder! Once Hera takes him away, you may never see Tseebo again.” Ezra begins to walk away, and comments offhandedly, “Maybe that’s for the best.” Sabine is taken aback, clearly not expecting this response. “Wha—How can you say that?” Ezra is exasperated, but understanding that Sabine should never be on the receiving end of his frustration, sighs and takes a moment to calm down. He says. “Sabine. I’ve been on my own since I was seven, okay? If I’d let myself believe my folks were alive—” Sabine watches him, concern written on her face. “—if I let myself believe they’d come back and save me, I’d never have learned how to survive.” The door opens behind him, startling Ezra a bit. Kanan asks if he’s ready for the task at hand. Ezra turns back around and looks at Sabine, who gestures with her head to go on this mission. He takes her unspoken advice, knowing that any further explanation and delay would only result in a postponed reckoning with his own guilt. Ezra follows Kanan away. Sabine looks up at Tseebo, then down to the empty space around her. She feels sorry for Ezra, she thinks. He was so young, too young to have ended up on the streets as nothing more than a mere child, whereas at that same age, she was trying to make her family proud of her. At that age, she had a family, but he had lost his.

Ezra and Kanan make their way to the Phantom, and detach it from the Ghost. They drop out of hyperspace and make their way to the asteroid base, an Imperial Star Destroyer hot o their trail.

Ezra and Kanan are close to touchdown on the asteroid. The teenager, expecting there to be a plan of action, asks, “Should we go over the plan again?” Kanan notes, “I never told you what the plan was.” Ezra says, “Exactly.” Kanan asks, “You remember the nasty creatures Hera and Sabine found here?” Ezra does, but he’d rather forget those creatures. Kanan tells him that he has to connect with those animals (as he’d originally started the day off trying to do) “if we’re gonna survive this.” Worried, Ezra asks, “Is now really the best time for a lesson?” Kanan doesn’t think so, but tells him, “I figure it’s learning like you do best, by surviving.”

Kanan prepares for touchdown. Ezra admits that he doesn’t think he can make those connections. “I’m afraid,” he finally says. Kanan tells him, “I got news for you, kid. Everyone’s afraid, but admitting it as you just did, makes you braver than most and it’s a step forward.” Ezra notes, “Yeah. Into the jaws of a nightmare.” Whether he is referring to the animals he would soon face, or his own internal worries, that’s something only Ezra would find out for himself.

Kanan parks the Phantom in the cave, and heads off to remove the tracking device. He leads Ezra to complete his task. Ezra looks around, nervous.

Hesitant, Ezra steps forward. The place is crawling with fyrnocks, Kanan dislodges the tracking device. The creatures advance on Ezra, who shields his face with his arms. Kanan tells him, “You’re blocked! Let go.” (“Blocked” would be the exact same word that Kanan would use to describe Sabine several years later when during her training with the Darksaber. In that future time period, Sabine is also similarly emotionally blocked, and unwilling to acknowledge extremely deep-seated and long-buried feelings and emotions that she keeps to herself, that she does not allow herself to admit. And it isn’t until a decade after then, that Sabine consciously UNBLOCKS herself from the Force and let it flow through her, the process inadvertently helped by Ezra himself, that Sabine admitted to herself the feelings and emotions she had been harboring for YEARS. Once she allowed herself to experience the truth, to finally say to herself, “This is what I’ve been feeling, this is why I’m feeling them, and I’m not afraid of facing my own truth”.) Ezra says, “I can’t!” Kanan advises, “Don’t be afraid.” As in, to not be afraid of the creatures and to not be afraid to face his own feelings and emotions. Ezra stretches out his hands, and tries to convince himself: “I’m not afraid of them!” Kanan presses on: “Then what?” Ezra doesn’t know, and says so. Kanan disagrees: “What are you afraid of?!” Ezra finally realizes, “I’m afraid of… I’m afraid of knowing. I’m afraid of the truth! I’m sorry!” Ezra is near tears. “I’m sorry. I’m forgive you, Tseebo!” The moment passes, and Ezra falls silent. Kanan watches on as the fyrnocks sit silent before the teenager.

Elsewhere, the Ghost docks with Tantive IV. Sabine asks Hera, “I don’t suppose Zeb and I could get to meet Fulcrum this time?” Hera says, “Nope. This tie, you stay in the cockpit.” Sabine turns around, grasping the disk she swiped on her way out of Ezra’s old home earlier in the day. Her expression turns thoughtful. Elsewhere on the ship, Hera speaks with Tseebo, who has regained his senses and reveals that he knows what happened to Ezra’s parents.

Troopers and the Inquisitor arrive on the asteroid moon where Ezra and Kanan are on. Having connected with the fyrnocks through the Force, Ezra and Kanan are quiet and calm, and commands the creatures to charge. They do so, but are quickly subdued by the troopers and the Inquisitor himself. While Ezra remains knelt on the ground, arm outstretched, Kanan engages the Inquisitor in a duel. Ezra remains calm, collected, and connected, and the fyrnocks comply with his unspoken commands. It isn’t until the Inquisitor knocks Kanan unconscious that Ezra breaks his connection. Ezra grabs Kanan’s saber and points it at the Inquisitor, but it doesn’t do much good. Ezra himself is Force-pushed backwards, and dangles off a ledge. Upset but determined to not let that hinder him, he tells the Inquisitor, “You don’t have anything to teach me.” The Inquisitor taunts him further, and Ezra, becoming increasingly agitated, ends up summoning the fyrnock Alpha by connecting directly to it. Kanan wakes up from his unconscious state, and looks up at Ezra. The teenager is trembling with controlled but barely contained fury, and calls upon the Force like never before, with strength gathered from the deepest recesses of his being. His face, contorted into a deep grimace, sets in grim determination as the Alpha rises behind him. Kanan realizes what’s going on: “Ezra? ..No!” The teenager in question has connected so deeply with the Alpha, much more than he was previously able to with a cat on Lothal. Even the Inquisitor is taken aback and starts retreating. Ezra, however, has his mind dead set on one single task, his fear of the truth no longer present: command the Alpha to charge at the Inquisitor. Ezra is struggling to hold the connection with the Alpha, who screeches and charges forward. Ezra, however, is overwhelmed by the immense and nearly inhuman effort to maintain a connection with the Alpha. He loses his connection, sways, and collapses to the ground, falling unconscious.

Taking advantage of the Alpha’s presence, Kanan grabs his blaster and heads in Ezra’s direction. Upon reaching the teenager, Kanan tries to wake Ezra from his unconscious state. Ezra opens his eyes, and confused, asks, “What happened? I-I feel so cold.” Kanan reassures Ezra that he’s aware of this, and says, “It’s okay. We’re leaving.” Hoisting the weakened teengager onto his shoulder, Kanan takes advantage of the fyrnocks holding back the Inquisitor and the troopers, grabs his saber, and reaches the Phantom. Once inside, he places Ezra in a jump seat, heads to the pilot’s chair, and takes off, blasting an Imperial ship in the process.

Once they’re safe, Kanan puts the Phantom in autopilot and turns around, noticing Ezra curled up into himself, shaking in the cold. Ezra looks up, and hesitantly asks, “…I saved us?” Kanan tells him, “You did.” Ezra admits, “But something doesn’t feel right.” Perhaps this might be part of a lesson learnt earlier, where Ezra gives voice to his concerns so that he can address them right away instead of postponing facing the problem at hand. Kanan says, “If your will isn’t strong enough when you open yourself to the Force, you become vulnerable to the dark side.” Ezra counters with what he knows, “Well, I was trying to protect you.” Kanan replies, “I know. But your anger and fear caused that giant creature to attack.” Ezra says he does not remember the incident, so Kanan tells him, “That’s for the best.” He pauses, then continues, “Your powers are growing so quickly, you weren’t prepared. I didn’t teach you what you needed to know. I’m sorry.”

The Phantom docks with the Ghost, and the Spectres welcome Kanan and Ezra back. Ezra makes his way down the ladder. Still hunched over himself, he slowly makes his way across the common room, but Hera wishes to tell him something. Thinking better of it, Kanan interrupts, saying, “Ezra needs a little time to himself right now.” The teenager in question continues on through the Ghost, footsteps heavy. He makes his way to the gunner’s chair. Crossing his arms, he stares out the window, looking at the many stars beyond, lost in thought. Sabine decides to try to cheer him up. Walking into the gunner’s bay behind Ezra, she states, “Rough couple of days.” Ezra agrees, telling her, “Yeah. It’s been strange.” He doesn’t elaborate nor does he look at her, so Sabine crosses over to the other side of the chair. “I have just what you need,” she tells him, taking out the disk she was holding earlier. “It’s the holo-disk from your old house.” He watches her in silence as she continues, “It was pretty degraded but I cleaned it up. And I found something.” Sabine inserts it into a reader by a side panel, and the gunner’s bay lights up in a fluorescent orange glow, its source a holo-image of the Bridger family — Ephraim and Mira, and baby Ezra. The teenager’s eyes widen in surprise upon seeing the image, calling out to his parents as if they were still there. By his side, Sabine chuckles a bit, then: “Happy birthday, Ezra Bridger.” A gentle smile on her face, she leaves the gunner’s bay. It’s not specifically the disk that’s the present, Sabine’s gift to Ezra was a happy memory on his birthday (Empire Day, lest we forget), the first happy and positive memory he’s had of his parents in years. Ezra’s eyes follow her departure, but the image of his much younger self with his happy parents commands his attention. He blinks a few times and takes a deep breath, as this is the first time in years he’s had a happy memory for his birthday. He raises his hand, as if to reach out to the image.