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epicbuddieficrecs · 4 months

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Weekly Recap | January 1st-7th 2024

First rec of 2024! Happy New Year everyone! I hope it's a good one!

(damn, can you tell I was off from work? this rec is long af 😅 I know it's a bit late but once I got done I just wanted to yeet it off my drafts asap)

Complete

🔥 All My Shattered Oaths by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Vampires AU | 107K | Explicit): Eddie wants to stay away from his family’s legacy and give his son a normal life. Buck’s desperate to find a way to get over the love he lost. Fate has other plans for both of them.

🔥 a blaze in the dark by woodchoc_magnum/ @woodchoc-magnum (Post-S6, Eddie Coming Out | 117K | Explicit): Set post-Season 6, where Buck has inadvertently sacrificed his friendship with Eddie in order to focus on his new relationship with Natalia, and is shocked when Eddie comes out to the team and subsequently reveals that he is dating a guy.

i'm down on my knees (i wanna take you there) by burnthatbridge/ @burnthatbridge (PWP, Glory Hole | 5K | Explicit): Buck is… a little drunk. So, he honestly thinks, when he first spots it, after stumbling into the stall, clumsily undoing his fly, and taking a very needed leak, that he’s seeing things. It takes him reaching out — with a hand he was already going to wash and probably should doubly do so now — and sticking a finger through it to convince him that the sight hasn’t been fabricated by his inebriated brain. It’s real. It’s a glory hole. His first thought is, huh; his second is, I have got to show Eddie.

making love to the flashes by sibylsleaves/ @sibylsleaves (PWP, Hot Firefighter Calendar | 11K | Explicit): When Buck had told them all the Hot Days, Smoldering Nights, Men of the LAFD Wall Calendar had selected him to represent the 118 for the month of July, Eddie hadn’t thought much of it. He’d congratulated him with a clap on the shoulder, laughed along with Hen, Chim, and Bobby’s good-natured teasing, and that had been that. Well, Eddie certainly isn’t laughing now.

with a bird at your door by @sibylsleaves (S6, Getting Together | 3K | General): Eddie starts spending all his time with Buck. Which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that Buck is in love with him.

we're gonna need some land between our bodies by @sibylsleaves (Post-Poker Date | 9K | Explicit): or, Buck and Eddie can't fuck yet (four times Buck and Eddie try to define the relationship and the one time they do)

my heart's a secret (tell me you'll keep it) by @sibylsleaves (Getting Together | 5K | Teen): Or, Buck tells Chimney a secret. This proves to be a mistake.

the winner takes it all (the loser has to fall) by @burnthatbridge (Getting Together | 4K | Teen): Buck and Lucy compete to see who's the better kisser. Eddie somehow finds himself the judge. (Part 1 of winner takes all)

the winner takes all (of me) by @burnthatbridge (PWP, Buck/Eddie/Lucy | 4K | Explicit): An alternative ending to Buck and Lucy's kissing competition. (Part 2 of winner takes all)

Calling (So You'll Answer) by Princessfbi / @princessfbi (Angst, Hurt Buck | 29K | Mature | Warning: Rape/Non-Con): “Buck? Did you drunk dial me?” Eddie did not envy Buck’s headache in the morning. He fought back the urge to smile at the thought of Buck, hungover and pouting with his curls in wild form on his head and his hands twisting and knotting in his favorite hoodie for the comfort the texture brought him. “Can you come take me h-home?” Buck asked, his voice sounding so painfully young. “I don’t …feel good.”

Smoke and Ashes Brushed Off with Ink by @princessfbi (Tattoo Artist Eddie AU | 18K | Mature): Tattoo Artist!Eddie Diaz AU inspired by the tumblr thread about praise kink discovery when getting a tattoo.

i'll lie awake for you by diazbegins/ @evanbegins (Married Buddie, PWP | 8K | Explicit): Or: Buck and Eddie, newly-weds, spend their well-deserved time alone.

I'd Wait Here Forever by @princessfbi (Angst, Stalker | 21K | Mature | Warning: Rape/Non-Con): “Come on. You and me could—” Buck caught Chimney moving to intervene between them but the words were already falling past Buck’s lips before he even realized he was speaking. “I have a boyfriend.” Buck stopped when he registered the words. So, did Chimney before he shot Buck a look over his shoulder like Buck had grown a second head. Probably because, like Buck, Chimney knew that Buck did not have a boyfriend. In fact, he’d been single for a painfully long time since he and Taylor split up. Single and probably very obviously hung up on his best friend who didn’t seem to notice the way Buck would throw himself into oncoming traffic if Eddie asked.

Tear Me to Pieces; Skin to Bone by @princessfbi (Undercover Mission, kidnapping | 22K | Teen | Warning: Violence): Bobby wasn’t comfortable with the LAPD wanting to use Buck as bait. Because that’s exactly what Buck would be: bait. Or: The LAPD want to borrow Buck for an undercover mission to hunt down a serial killer. No one is thrilled.

pink and black and blue by devirnis/ @devirnis (Getting Together | 1,5K | Teen): “Hey!” Buck calls. Eddie spares himself a moment to briefly entertain the idea of fleeing out the back, but knows it would ultimately be pointless. His truck is in the driveway so Buck knows he’s home, and they’re on shift together in two days and there’s no way his bruises will be gone by then, no matter how much he ices them. “In the kitchen,” Eddie answers resignedly. (Bad Things Happen Bingo: Black Eye)

on sleep and unspoken things by evcndiaz/ @evcndiaz (Post-S4 | 2K | Not Rated): “You reached out for me. On that day. You tried to touch me.” The words sink into the silence between them. He did, didn't he? Eddie doesn't remember much from the shooting—only pain, and fear, and screaming (his own and so many others), and the vague echo of Buck’s voice—but he remembers that.

in red blue green by hammersmiths/ @henswilsons (Documentary | 11K | Teen): The commissioner signs off on a workplace documentary set in the 118 to better community attitudes towards the fire department. Unfortunately, whatever is going on between Firefighters Buckley and Diaz is a much more interesting story.

with blood in my nose by @henswilsons (Canon Divergent, S4E14: Survivors | 9K | Teen): or, Buck is the one who gets shot instead of Eddie.

let me know you (bedhead and morning breath) by @burnthatbridge (Post-Lightning | 6K | Explicit): Buck hasn't gotten off since the lightning strike. Eddie watches him do something about it.

sometimes an onion really is just an onion (and that’s all there is to it) by snarkymuch / @snarkythewoecrow (Post-Grocery Store Argument | 5K | Teen): Buck wanted fajitas, so he went to the store for the sweet onions he needed, but he got the wrong kind because he unexpectedly ran into the team, which had nothing to do with why he was crying in his kitchen--obviously, the shitty onions were to blame. And his day just gets worse from there--as he ends up fileting off a strip of skin, bleeding everywhere, then accidentally hitting his talk-to-text and sending a ramble he never meant anyone to hear to the last person on earth to care: Eddie.

i find you in everything (but its here you find yourself) by withmeornotatall/ @chronicowboy (Post-S6, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): Buck takes another sig of beer, "she left." "Sorry, man, I know you liked her. Guess where most people are scared of death, a death doula is scared of life." "Wow, that's actually pretty poignant," Buck says. "Didn't know you had it in you." Eddie just rolls his eyes. "Its weird, though, her being scared off by a donor baby." Eddie frowns over at him. "Chris didn't freak her out?"

Paper Rings by buckleyblueyes (orphan_account) (Canon Divergent, S4 | 6K | Teen): Maddie went quiet for a moment, looking at him not with pity, but instead with empathy, and shared sadness. “So. What did you find, then?” “An engagement ring.” The words weighed heavy on his tongue. “He’s going to propose to Ana.”

Burn a bridge, learn how to swim by WatermelonShots (AvocadosUnderTheEaves) / @applesorcery (Getting Together | 13K | Mature): In which there is some unexpected making out, some pining, one third of an existential crisis and a lot of unhelpful advice. Not necessarily in that order. (Part 1 of Burn a bridge, learn how to swim)

Can't cross the sea just standing there by WatermelonShots (AvocadosUnderTheEaves)/ @applesorcery (Established Buddie, PWP | 7K | Explicit): In which there are sleepovers and snakes and some jealousy. (But probably not the kind you think.) (Part 2 of Burn a bridge, learn how to swim)

tell me how it feels (say it ain't so) by Iover_of_mine (I_almost_do)1 @lover-of-mine (Post-S6, Getting Together | 8K | Teen): Eddie hears Natalia saying Buck's death was cool and things spiral out of control from there.

Arm Candy by @princessfbi (Poker Date spec | 8K | General): “Act cool.” Buck shivered at the rumble of Eddie’s voice. “I think I got us in on the game.” Act cool? Act cool! How was Buck was supposed to act cool when he had Eddie dressed like sin parading Buck around like— Buck choked on his tongue as he finally realized what Eddie was doing and why apparently everyone had been so blasé about Buck going undercover after treating him like he was made of glass for weeks. “Am I the arm candy?” Eddie was damningly silent.

empty, broken, lonely, hoping by DaniWib/ @daniwib (Post-S6, Presumed Dead | 44K | Mature): Eddie's world crumbles when Buck’s apartment building becomes engulfed in a cataclysmic seven-alarm fire, resulting in a devastating mass casualty event. Amidst the chaos, Eddie and the rest of the 118 grapple with the heart-wrenching belief that both Buck and Christopher have met a tragic fate within the merciless inferno.

i lit the match, the firemen can do the rest by honestlydarkprincess / @honestlydarkprincess (Post-S6, PWP | 6K | Explicit): Or, the one where Eddie is pining and decides to drive over to Buck's. He doesn't expect to walk in on friends-with-benefits Buck and Natalia and he definitely doesn't expect the night to end with him getting everything he's ever wanted with Buck.

The Comfort of Your Hands by Spotsandsocks/ @spotsandsocks (Getting Together | 3K | Teen): Buck accidentally starts running his fingers through Eddie’s hair. Eddie lets him and things slowly move towards something special.

unfold me (tell me you love me) by extasiswings/ @extasiswings (S4, Love confession | 2K | Teen): Eddie goes on a date and has some realizations about what he really wants

the measuring contest by ColorMeParanoid/ @color-me-paranoid (9-1-1 LS S2E3: Hold the Line | 2K | Teen): Hen snorted from her own cot. “Trust me, guys. This isn’t the kind of measuring contest you want to play with Buck because you will lose.” But, comparing scars and exchanging crazy stories when meeting other people in your profession was basically a rite of passage so of course they didn’t take her warning seriously. It became a challenge instead and Eddie settled in for the show.

live while we're young by ashavahishta / @ashavahishta (De-Aging | 5K | General): Or: Some wonky magic leaves the firefam to take care of a tiny Buck for a few days. He's really, unfairly cute.

Radio Silence by madamewriterofwrongs/ @madamewriterofwrongs (Hurt Buck | 9K | Mature): Bobby was going to have a long talk with him about his self-sacrificing habits. For now, he kept his words calm and authoritative; for both their sakes. “None of that, you just hold still. Are you injured?” There was silence. Around him, the paramedics and firefighters of the 118 waited with bated breath. “Pretty bad.” There was little humor in his voice, though they could hear him trying. “My head. And uh, hahaha,” his laughter came as a gust of air. “I’ve been impaled?”

Buck Is My Warrior by elisela/ @elisela (Fluff | 5K | General): “We’ll be filming a special edition of American Ninja Warrior,” Troy announces after the introduction to the current contestant ends, “focused on our brave first responders. Go to our website to find out more details and how to submit your videos.” Oh. “Buddy,” Eddie says, “I don’t really know if that’s my thing.” Christopher looks at him, then says, “I want to nominate Buck.”

The Badass Background of one Evan Buckley series by Onlymystory / @theallandthemoreofit (Navy SEAL Buck | 5 works | 32K | Complete):

A Six Minute Man (Hostage | 3K | Teen): Or the one where Buck's secret background as a Navy SEAL comes in really handy in a hostage situation. Buck Begins (Backstory | 1K | Mature): When Evan Buckley Spencer is five years old, he wants to be a firefighter. They save people he says. He’s going to be one someday. One of the Good Guys (Revenge | 3K | Mature): Eddie says “You find every single person that hurt our son and you burn them to the ground.” - The Moscow Rules are simple. “Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time is enemy action."

With A Little Help From My Friends by @extasiswings (PTA Eddie | 3K | Teen): Eddie makes friends outside of work and realizes that Buck might not, in fact, be just a friend

(Not) Under the Mistletoe by Tizniz / @tizniz (Christmas | 2K | Not Rated): Buck is definitely not avoiding Eddie at the Christmas party where mistletoe is everywhere.

Flash Forward by @daniwib (Different First Meeting | 3K | Explicit): The last thing Eddie remembered was pressing the tiny, blood smeared photograph of Christopher to his trembling lips while huddled behind rocks, hiding from the insurgent's attack. The next thing he knew was when he woke up, naked, with a muscular body on top of him. OR: Eddie has a flash forward when he gets shot during his last tour.

WIP

and we are homeward bound by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (established Buddie | 1/3 | 3K | Explicit): "Okay," Buck says finally, muffled. He rubs his face against Eddie's shirt again. "You promise you're not going to dump me if he smashes a salad bowl over this?" "I promise I will not dump you if our kid has a tantrum about us finally getting our act together," Eddie recites solemnly. Buck laughs against his shoulder and finally pulls back. Or: Buck and Eddie get around to telling the people they love that they're together. (sequel to Something Dumb to Do)

Kiss Me Once Cause You Know I Had A Long Night by I_still_dont_understand_13 / @sherlockcrossing (Prompt collection | 21/? | 14K | Teen): 100 kiss prompts.

Chapter 21. 10. Surprise kisses, in which your lover wasn't prepared but responds immediately

🔥 Precious & Fragile Things by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Small Miracles AU, Angel Buck | 10/? | 25K | Teen): Buck is the Fallen Angel of Petty Temptation, who has been tasked with tempting human Eddie Diaz to sin and enjoy life, but just a little. He thinks the job will be easy - get in, get out, go back to Peru to continue messing around with eternity. But when Buck arrives in Los Angeles, he finds Eddie is harder to tempt than expected, and more compelling than Buck had hoped.

and if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) by diazchristopher/ @captain-hen (Canon Divergent Season 6, Friends with Benefits | 2/18 | 9K | Explicit): or, an alternate look at season 6 where buck and eddie have been casually sleeping together since before the beginning of the season. somehow, this changes both everything and nothing at all.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon, S1 through S6 | 104/? | 283K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

Re-Read

🔥 the weekly bet (but the forever kind) by theleftboobgrabber (Post S3E15 | 49K | Explicit): When the squad bets on how long it will take for Buck and Abby to get back together when she comes back to LA, Eddie is forced to reconsider keeping his feelings for Buck a secret.

🔥 come out to the sea, my love by allyasavedtheday/ @littlespoonevan (Canon Divergent - Tsunami | 8K | Teen): Tsunami au in which the 118 find out about Buck and Chris being stranded on top of the ladder truck and come to rescue them before they get separated.

🔥 Your Scars and Your Lonely Heart by Taste_is_Sweet (Sentinels AU, Tsunami | 82K | Teen): Clara Williams just wanted to visit Pacific Park during her layover in Los Angeles. She never expected to find a young, exceptional Sentinel dying for lack of a bond. Actually, what she really never expected was a tsunami, or the same Sentinel to save her life. But Clara's a Guide, so now she's on a mission to keep Evan "Buck" Buckley alive until she can get him to Eddie Diaz, the Guide who should have bonded with him, but didn't. Because Clara can't bond with Buck, no matter how much she wants to. There's just one problem: Buck's convinced Eddie doesn't want him, and he might not survive long enough to find out the truth.

i (for)get you by withmeornotatall/ @chronicowboy (Temporary Amnesia | 6K | General): buck hits his head, forgets the past month and suddenly eddie has a secret girlfriend... right?

you're my whole house by hammersmiths / @henswilsons (Getting Together, PTA Eddie | 12K | Teen): Eddie shrugs. “Christopher mentioned to Daniel that Buck and I are partners. I mean, sure, it’s a little weird that she invited him over as well, but—” “Partners,” Hen interrupts, “like work partners?” Eddie and Buck glance at each other. “Uh, yeah?” Eddie says. “What other type of partner?” Hen stares at them for a moment, before she bursts out laughing. “You dumbasses. She thinks you’re together.” or, Eddie joins the PTA.

I can't love you any more (than I do now) by wikiangela/ @wikiangela (Didn't Know They Were Dating | 2K | General): Eddie's pretty sure he and Buck are dating and kind of living together. Neither acknowledges it, until Eddie finally does.

Tell me where you wanna go by allyasavedtheday/ @littlespoonevan (Post-S6E11: In A Flash | 4K | Teen): Buck wakes up from his coma and Eddie offers him a passenger seat and a couch and a home.

🔥 Autocowrecked by HMSLusitania/ @hmslusitania (Miscommunication | 2K | Teen): Eddie is never, ever using the talk-to-text function on his phone. Ever again.

#epic buddie fic rec #buddie #buddie fic rec #buddie fic #buddie fanfic #buddie fanfiction #911 fanfic #911 fic #911 fanfiction

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sourholland · 1 year

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WELCOME TO THE STYLE MASTERLIST

series based off of taylor swift’s song style

Summary → He’s the Quarterback of the Cincinnati Bengals, a worldwide heartthrob with an ego the size of Lake Erie—but does he have the heart to match it? You’re the Bengals newest cheerleader, desperate to prove how much you deserve your spot on the team. It doesn’t take much to catch the eye of Joe Burrow, however that isn’t necessarily a good thing when you’re told that any romantic relations between cheerleaders and players is strictly prohibited.

AN → Honestly this idea came to me pretty suddenly, it wasn’t very premeditated. I’m not sure anyone will be interested in reading it, this is me kinda testing the waters. I’m just going through a crazy sad breakup so I’m kinda just trying to get back into the things I love to do, writing being one of them. Also, I kinda just want to get my mind off stuff and who doesn’t love Joe Burrow haha. As always, let me know to be added to the tag list :)

Pairing(s) → Joe Burrow x Fem!Reader

Warnings → Strong Language, Alcohol Use, Mature Themes/NSFW Themes, Angst, Injury, Forbidden Love, More to Come

PLAYLIST

PART ONE - No Headlights

PART TWO - Good Girl

PART THREE - James Dean

PART FOUR - His Wild Eyes

PART FIVE - Taking Off His Coat

Teaser →

After a rigorous auditioning process with over a thousand girls trying to earn their spot on the Bengal’s Cheerleading Squad, only forty made the cut. Most returners, some new like yourself. You’d watched girls break bones, continuing to audition on them to have a shot on the squad. Many left in tears, cut and sent home with hardly any reason why.

There was a little bit of metaphorical survivor’s guilt after you’d made the team, knowing this wasn’t your dream like it was for some others. This was only a season or two commitment for you while you finished up your last year of college. Then you’d become a teacher, something you’d had a passion for over the years. Cheerleading was more so a hobby, you’d danced all of your life and had cheered in high school. This wasn’t going to be your livelihood, nor did it offer you the funds to live off of for more than a short while.

There were plenty of rules to follow, many of which had you questioning if this was truly what you wanted. The handbook they’d given you was thick, although some of the girls had told you that they’d lessened up on the requirements over the years after a lawsuit had been filed. In the end, it wasn’t so bad. Tedious, but still a very surreal experience.

From about April to the middle of July, it was practice twice a week from 7:30 at night to about 11. There was a separate facility used to work and condition through the colder months, just following the Super Bowl. Once pre-season truly began, the whole team moved practice facilities. This put you in the same place as the Bengals practiced, giving you more field time than gym time to get acclimated. It was different, especially due to the fact that players and cheerleaders were placed at an arms length most of the time.

The afternoon of the first practice at the new stadium, you’d all been given the talk. This was basically your coaches and executives way of saying that if anyone found out that anyone off the squad had anything more than a friendly, professional relationship with one of the players—they’d be either cut or sanctioned. It was bad for the image of the team, making it bad for those in charge.

It shouldn’t have been a problem.

That first night practice in August was tough, you were coming off of a sprained ankle and the heat was blistering even at 8 at night. Amanda, your head coach, sent you inside to grab some ice from the athletic trainer to bring back out to the field. There was a stigma around the coaching and treatment of NFL cheerleaders, but you’d mostly had a decent experience so far. Your coaches did care that you were healthy and equipped to cheer.

Adorned in a slightly baggy Bengals T-shirt and spandex, you walked through the empty halls of the mostly deserted facility. The players had just ended their practice about an hour earlier, you watched them all exit into the locker room. That meant that mostly everyone had called it a night, heading home. The cheerleaders stayed late because practice was meant to be after work or class, it wasn’t a full-time job.

The door to the athletic trainers office was slightly ajar, the light on. Pushing it open slightly, you stepped in with furrowed eyebrows and a curious look. On the large medical table, ice in hand, sat Joe Borrow still in his practice jersey and shorts. The office was empty besides him, trainer nowhere to be seen.

He was a good looking guy, you’d give him that. Maybe it was the fact that he was 6’4 or maybe it was the fact that he was really fucking good at his sport. He looked up at you and gave a friendly grin, laying the ice on his knee.

“Emily said she was heading home about a half hour ago, her kid was sick or something so she had to pick him up from the babysitter,” Joe told you politely. “I came in just as she was like walking out, she just told me to lock up the office when I was done.”

Someone was clearly a rambler.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I was just going to grab some ice.”

He nodded and went silent while you walked over to the ice maker, taking the plastic scooper and putting some of it into a plastic bag. He was still looking at you, making it obvious as you saw him from your peripheral. Twisting the bag, you felt slightly awkward just standing there in silence.

“I’m Joe,” he spoke again.

“Y/N,” you turned back towards him. “It’s nice to meet you.”

He extended a hand towards you, smiling as you took it and shook it softly. When you broke from his grip, he remained looking at you. He was definitely one of those people who looked you right in the eyes through the entire conversation. You didn’t know if this made you particularly uncomfortable or slightly excited.

“You’re a cheerleader.”

“Was that a question?” You chuckled, “I think that’s pretty obvious.”

“No, no. I was kind of just thinking out loud.”

He was easily flustered, that much was obvious. He repositioned the bag of ice and looked back up at you with slightly pink cheeks. This made you want to crack a grin, feeling like you were talking to a boy for the first time ever or something.

“I should head back to practice,” you told him, watching him slowly nod in understanding.

“Yeah, of course,” Joe smiled. “It was nice meeting you, Y/N.”

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list :)

#joe burrow smut #joe burrow imagines #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow #joe burrow x reader #joe burrow x yn #joe burrow series #joe sheisty #joe burrow blurb #joe burrow fluff #joe burrow fan fic #joe burrow fic

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hanjsquokka · 4 months

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The Phantoms - [ 3RACHA ]

🎙 SYNOPSIS : A lovely independent home in the suburbs of Seoul at a low cost? You didn't question it until you found out the house came along with three extremely confused ghosts.

GENRE : ghosts, music band, rockstar, hip-hop, non idol au!

PAIRING : 3racha × fem!reader, han jisung × fem!reader

CONTENT WARNING : will contain swearing, slightly mature content such as smoke, weed, alcohol, mentions of sexual activities (no actual smut), angst, confused 3racha, ghosts, underwordly stuff (idk). This is highly inspired by the show Julie and The Phantoms!

EP 02 - the only idol i know is park jinyoung: the ghosts of 3RACHA weren't as bad as some of the boys you knew but they sure were a handful. for some reason, no one could see them but they sure could hear them. the ghosts themselves were struggling to adjust to the fact that they were ghosts and they missed out on a big chunk of their life. after a small argument with jisung, you begin to see another side to the snarky guy. but when your best friends show up at your house unannounced with news that you didn't want to hear, how long would it take for you to face your fears?

WORD COUNT : 2.5K words

TAGLIST : @leefelex @stayconnecteed @lovestay-channie @cutiebin @johnnysgirl @naomisosoup @xerces00 @autumn-lv @chalahyung01 @vampcharxter @skzruby @lolareadsimagines

prev | next | masterlist

“You have got to be kidding me.” Jisung muttered as he stood in the middle of a footpath in downtown Seoul. It was dark outside, but that didn't stop the hustle and bustle of the people. And he was sure the neon light coming from the signs was brighter than the sun. Just how much did he miss in the past twenty years? Music and chatter filled the streets as he slowly walked around. There were food stalls lined on the side of the road (he was never going there again), stores were open and he could feel the cool air conditioning on the inside.

People walked straight through him, which was a weird feeling. Everything looked like it was from the future- which it was, but still! There were advertisements for… Kpop groups on huge LED billboards. Was Kpop really that popular now?

“There he is- Jisung, you can't just disappear like that!” Chan and Changbin nearly startled him to death (was that possible if you were a ghost?) as they appeared behind him.

“I just needed some air.” He muttered in reply, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

“You were acting like a real douche to Y/n, you know that?” Chan crossed his arms. “And yet she's still letting us stay in that house, thank goodness.”

“I didn't mean to come off so strong!” Jisung defended himself. “I was just confused. And angry. And it was wrong of me to do that to her, I understand that now.” He added quietly.

“Well, at least you came back to your senses.” Changbin patted his shoulder. The older boy looked around. “Wow, this is…”

“Bright.” Chan said. “And loud.”

They walked through the streets of downtown Seoul, watching the sights around them. A heavy feeling rose in his chest as he saw teenagers goofing around, a couple holding hands, kids playing around their parents. Jisung was never going to be able to experience any of that. He was never going have… a life like these people.

Like most musicians, Jisung lived for music. He would've given up anything for it. Including his ties with his family. Which he did. Chan and Changbin were like his parents at this point (not just because they act like a married couple). Going away from home was a big step in his life and he was so sure he was going to make it.

But life had other plans for him.

“Jisung. You in there mate?” Chan waved his hand in front of Jisung's face, making him come out of his little trance.

“Sorry. I was just thinking… about our families. It's been twenty years…” He took a deep breath. “I wonder how they are, you know?”

“We could go check up on them.” Chan suggested, swinging an arm around Jisung's shoulder. “I can't go to Australia- well, I dunno if I can but- if I could, I would want to check up on my parents and Hannah and Lucas.”

“Can we go later? Like in the day or something.”

“Of course we can.”

They spent some more time in the streets. There was a familiar tune playing in the speakers somewhere, but Jisung couldn't point a finger as to why it sounded familiar. He shrugged and brushed it off. He was definitely going to have to do some catching up on the latest kpop groups.

You woke up feeling tired, getting off of your bed and going to the kitchen for something to eat once you brushed your teeth. It had been four days since you saw 3RACHA in your basement, four days of absolute hell- in your opinion.

It wasn't that you hated them. You found them to be quite interesting.

Chan was usually very nice to you, always reminding you about something you forgot like your work folder or your to-go coffee cup. You could see he was still adjusting to the whole ghost thing, because he invited you downstairs to the studio to show you something he'd been writing but the paper and pen kept phasing through his hands- which annoyed him a lot. But he was really passionate about music. You could see that in the songs he wrote, the way he spoke and how his eyes lit up as he rambled about the inspiration behind a certain song.

Changbin was a bit hot and cold. He was nice sometimes, like in the mornings when he gave you a quick hello. On the other hand, he was a bit distant sometimes. Usually when you were in the studio. It was hard for him to swallow the fact that… it was your place now. So you let him take your laptop that you didn't use for work. He seemed to enjoy YouTube a lot. You often came home to a girl group song playing over the Bluetooth speakers in the living room on full volume with the music video on the flat screen.

Jisung was well… he hated you. At least that's what you believed. He was in a sour mood whenever you were around most of the time, but you tried to understand where he was coming from even though he really tested your limits sometimes. He was holed up in the studio for the majority of the day and he was out during the night. You figured he was trying to regain his balance because at times, he was pretty sweet when he wasn't cussing at you.

But it was really really difficult living with three boys. Three really loud boys. You'd often wake up in the middle of the night because they decided to have a midnight band session.

Which brought you to this morning. You already had a lousy sleep because all you could hear the entire night was music. In the kitchen, Chan was reading some paper he placed on the island in the center of the kitchen, Changbin was trying to pick up a bowl but his hands kept phasing through the utensil instead of picking it up and Jisung was staring into your fridge, the door wide open with a hungry look in his eyes.

“What are you doing?” You asked as you slammed the fridge door shut, making Jisung look at you with pure annoyance.

“What the hell dude? Do you know how long it took to open that?”

“If you could pay my electricity bill, I would've let you keep that door open for the whole day.” You opened it again for a carton of milk and shut it close. “But you can't eat, can you?”

“Doesn't mean I'm not hungry.” He said grumpily as he sat down at the breakfast counter.

You took out a box of cereal and caught the bowl Changbin managed to pick up for a few seconds before it fell through his hands again. “Careful with that.” You told him and made yourself a bowl of cereal for breakfast, sitting down at the breakfast counter. “So you guys can pick up your music equipment, you can sit on stuff but you can't hold a bowl?”

“I dunno. For some reason, our mics- easy. A bowl- difficulty level maximum.” Chan shrugged. He looked up at you, holding the paper he was previously reading. “Also… you kept my stuff… our lyrics and ideas. You didn't… throw them away?”

“I didn't want to. They're good ideas.” You ate some of your cereal. “I especially liked the ones that… weren't like the songs you recorded. Don't get me wrong, hip-hop is pretty cool but these days, Kpop is a huge thing in Korea and globally. Like BTS-”

“Who?” Changbin interrupted.

You stared at him. “You guys don't know Bangtan?”

“The only idol I know is Park Jinyoung.” Jisung stated, making you almost snort out your milk. “What? Is that- is that funny?”

His innocent look with the wide boba eyes- a stark contrast to his usual expression- made it even funnier. “You have a lot of catching up to do.” You laughed.

“I don't get it. Why is it funny?”

You only laughed again. You finished your breakfast a while later and began getting ready for the day. You didn't have work at the office for today, so you took up the chance to do some little planning for your housewarming party. You could hear the boys playing music downstairs the entire time, which was oddly comforting despite the fact that Changbin was yelling half of the time.

You were going to invite quite a lot of people (which your introverted side was dreading), especially music people. Many of your classmates from college worked in big companies, so you were hoping one of them could help you on the start to your own music journey. With Korean pop and the entertainment businesses taking up the majority of the industry, self made artists were… rare. Most of them were unsuccessful. Which was why you'd have to start slow and do something different- something that wasn't the regular boy or girl band.

Your phone rang while you were hanging up some picture frames on the wall. “Oh, it's done? I'll come over and pick it up. Yeah, yeah- thank you so much. I'll be there within the hour.” You cut the call and put the phone in your pocket.

“Hey I'm going to head out for a bit-” It was already weird that you were telling ghosts that you weren't going to be in the house for a while, but it was even weirder when said ghosts were trashing your newly furnished basement courtesy of a really upset Jisung. Which was funny because he couldn't move a lot of stuff so whatever he was picking up went straight through his hands.

“Where is it?” The rampaging man said, immediately spotting you and poofing in front of you. “I swear to God Y/n, if you threw away my guitar I'll-”

“That guitar was yours?” You asked, knitting your brows together. “I assumed it was Chan's, to be honest.”

“Nah man, I'm all keyboard and drums.”

“It's mine and you better have it in your princess bedroom!-”

“Just because one room is slightly pink, doesn't mean the entire house is!”

“I don't give a fuck.”

“Neither do I. I have things I need to do.” You said in a stern tone. “Don't trash my house.” Was the last thing you said before you marched back upstairs.

“Here you go.” The guy at the counter handed the guitar to you. You delicately took it into your hands, examining the instrument. To be frank, you knew it was Jisung's guitar. His name was on the back of it. When you gave it for servicing, however, you didn't meet the ghosts yet. You were saddened by the state of the neglected guitar and you took it to a repair shop where they told you they could get it back into its previous glory.

“It's beautiful… thank you.” You paid and exited the store, holding onto the case tightly- when you walked straight through Jisung. “What the- dude!”

“You… got my guitar repaired.” He was standing in front of you again, his eyes widened in shock. He kept looking from the case to you and back again.

You slowly nodded, unsure of what to do. “I did…” You started to walk back to your car, the rapper trailing behind you. He was unusually silent- which was unnerving. You were so used to Jisung being louder than a megaphone, you didn't know what to do when he sat in the passenger seat of your car, holding onto the guitar case like his life depended on it, still silent. “Something wrong?” You saw him swallow, drumming his fingers on the dashboard as he took a deep breath before turning to you and shook his head. “Alright then…” But just as you started the car, your phone rang.

“Y/n!” Jeongin's voice played over the speaker in the car as you pulled out of the parking lot. “So we're in your house-”

“How the hell did you get into my house?”

“Hyunjae gave us your spare key-”

“My what?”

“Why are you so worried?”

“Because you broke into my house!”

“Girl- chill. We're not going to raid your fridge… Never mind, Seungmin did.”

“Dude?-”

“Why is your house so messy? You've barely been here for a while and it's starting to look like a frat house.” You muted the call and snapped your head towards Jisung. “You go home and make sure Chan and Changbin do not blow your cover. My friends are worried as it is. If they find out… I'm not interested in going to therapy sessions with Hyunjae again.” Jisung nodded and poofed away.

You drove as fast as legally possible to your house, only to find your best friends in the studio. Chan, Changbin and Jisung stood to one side. Changbin had an unapproving glare on the non-dead boys poking around the place.

“Why are you guys even here?” You approached the two of them.

“We just wanted to visit our best friend.” Seungmin quipped, his eyes narrowing at the place where the ghosts were standing. You gulped. He couldn't… He started walking over to them.

Chan panicked. “No way-”

“When were you going to tell us…” Seungmin walked straight through the ghosts and picked up a guitar- no, not just any guitar. The same guitar that you picked up a few moments ago. The same guitar that was supposed to be in your car. You looked at Jisung but he was just as confused as you were. “That you got a new guitar?” How did that even get here?

“Uh…” Your eyes darted from the guitar, to Seungmin to Jisung. “I bought a lot of things…?”

Seungmin picked it up. “It's an old model. And super sleek.”

“Stop touching my guitar.” Jisung told him even though he couldn't hear and then turned to you. “Tell him to stop touching my guitar.” You shook your head and shrugged.

“Why are you guys here?” You asked again, taking the guitar and placing it back in its case.

“Just to check up on you.”

“I'm not a kid, Seungmin. I can take care of myself.”

“Well jeez, we just wanted to be nice. You're living alone in this house after living with Hyunjae for years and not to mention…” He shifted from foot to foot. “We were worried about you. We shouldn't have talked so much about you making music and playing when we knew how difficult it's been for you.”

Your hands dropped to your sides. “You don't need to worry so much. I'm… doing okay. And the music bit… I'm working on it.” There was a weird look on Seungmin’s face. “What's wrong?”

“You see…” Jeongin started. “Felix isn't going to randomly show up at a house party even though he knows us. So…” He looked at Seungmin.

The expression they had on finally made sense. It was guilt! But why were they guilty? You looked between the both of them and somehow it clicked. Your eyebrows rose as you shook your head. “You didn't.” They didn't deny it. “Holy shit, you told him I would play something, didn't you? You-”

“This is a big opportunity and you should be thanking us for being amazing best friends.” Jeongin ducked to the side as you reached for him. “Also your party is this weekend.”

“What?”

“He's a busy guy!”

“Do you know that this weekend is in three days? How the fuck am I supposed to prepare a song and make myself sing it in front of people?”

“Good luck?”

You only looked between the both of them and then at the ceiling. You were screwed, that was certain.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: life has honestly been a bitch these past few weeks but here's the next chapter <3 also there might a little surprise coming on saturday so keep an eye out! i rewrote this chapter twice because i didn't like how the words were flowing 😭 the next chapter's going to be a lot more interesting (i hope).

©hanjsquokka | copying, translating or republishing my work is strictly prohibited

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bulkyphrase · 8 days

Text

2012 Avengers Tower: a fic rec list

I think we all sometimes yearn for the days when we thought Marvel would let the Avengers be friends who all lived together and fought supervillains in between movie nights.

Though these stories weren't all written or set in 2012 post-Avengers 1 era, but they all feature that team hanging out, having fun, and supporting each other through difficulties.

The list is in chronological order, with fic published from 2012 to 2024.

Amateur Theatrics by galaxysoup (@galaxystew-zombie) (Gen | Teen And Up Audiences | 26,586 words | Published April 01, 2012)

Summary: In which Thor’s primary problem-solving method (a mighty blow from Mjolnir) fails to have the desired effect on a magical artifact, and his secondary method (a mightier blow from Mjolnir) proves to be actively disastrous.

Big in Japan by gunboots (@gunboots) (Loki/Thor, Stucky | Teen And Up Audiences | 6,203 words | Published May 01, 2012)

Summary: Steve hesitantly reaches out and takes the object in Tony’s arms to survey it. 'It' being a pillow upon which was an almost frighteningly accurate illustration of Loki, their on-and-off again nemesis. "I don't--how did you even get this? Who would MAKE this?" Clearly Steve doesn't find the attention-to-detail on Loki's costume as hilarious as Tony does, which whatever. Like he said. Killjoy. A.K.A The one time Tony buys Thor the world's worst souvenir and it somehow worked out in the end anyway.

The rest are below the cut!

Soft Skills by Lady_Ganesh (Gen | Teen And Up Audiences | 4,154 words | Published May 31, 2012)

Summary: "So," Bruce said carefully. "You're saying that your tower became a big target for an alien army, so you're going to rebuild it as an even bigger target?" "Well, when you put it like that, it sounds stupid," Tony said. The team tries to bring Steve Rogers into the 21st Century. It mostly works. As my beta CaptainBlue said: Also I love how you did a fic about Avengers team building and still managed to make it 100% about Cap. You have a gift. This is why I love her. Any remaining mistakes are mine.

Without the Usual Cost of Labor by vain_glorious (Gen | Teen And Up Audiences | 6,387 words | Published June 15, 2012)

Summary: "Someone just reported to SHIELD that whatever was stolen produced “viable offspring,” and we’re hoping that doesn’t mean what we think it does,” Bruce says, evidently deciding to take over for Tony after only one masturbation joke. Also available as a podfic read by blackglass

The Great Avengers Body Swap by vain_glorious (Gen | Teen And Up Audiences | 3,712 words | Published July 23, 2012)

Summary: Loki and the Avengers spend a month in SHIELD's detention cells, because Loki cast a bodyswapping spell against them and got himself with it, too. Also available as a podfic read by blackglass

The Ice in Windless Cold by Isagel (@isagelc) (OT6 | Explicit | 11,883 words | Published August 19, 2012)

Summary: "I dream about the ice," Steve says. "About being in the ice." Also available as a podfic read by susan_voight

Private Bookmark? by storiesfortravellers (Gen | Mature | 2,638 words | Published August 24, 2012)

Summary: The Avengers discover that there are fans who write explicit RPF fic about them. Some of them are very confused. Some are proud. Some don't understand why everyone writes the pairings who aren't together but hardly anyone writes the couple who actually is together. Much silliness ensues. Also available as a podfic read by analise010, AshesandGhost, dapatty, fire_juggler, lorcalon (uniquepov), Opalsong, Weebs813

The Goat's Back by arsenicarcher (Arsenic) (Gen | Mature | 10,155 words | Published November 30, 2012)

Summary: An AU where Steve's essentially a failed experiment, corporal punishment is the predominant form of discipline and team leaders take the punishments for those under them.

Dear Clint Barton (circa age 7) by pollyrepeat (@pollyrepeat) (Gen | Teen And Up Audiences | 4,221 words | Published March 31, 2013)

Summary: The most annoying parts of being de-aged (and then re-aged) are your friends. Also available as a podfic read by RsCreighton (@rosecreighton)

What We Pretend To Be by ifitwasribald (Gen, Bruce Banner/Tony Stark | Explicit | 100,697 words | Published July 14, 2013)

Summary: Good becomes great, bad becomes worse. But people are a hell of a lot more complicated than good and bad. When half of the team is dosed with the super soldier serum, they all have to grapple with their own pasts and futures. But for better or for worse, they’re all in it together.

Speak So We Can Hear Your Heart Beat by Jaune_Chat (@jaune-chat) (Gen, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Jane Foster/Thor | Mature | 15,402 words | Published November 10, 2014)

Summary: The Avengers are rendered mute by Amora the Enchantress. As a search for a cure grows more and more dim every day, the Avengers have to deal with the reality of learning to communicate with each other in a whole different way. Uncertain if they'll be able to fight again, they enlist the help of their friends, and learn some surprising things about each other as they struggle to hold onto their identities as the World's Greatest Heroes.

The Health Benefits of Knitting by Niobium (@niobiumao3) (Gen | General Audiences | 1,179 words | Published January 15, 2015)

Summary: Clint isn't sure what's really relieving Natasha's stress—the knitting, or the part where she foists the horrible results off on other people. Also available as a podfic read by reena_jenkins (@reena-jenkins)

Clint Barton's Guide to Friends and Ceiling Vents by NoliteTimereEos (Gen | Teen And Up Audiences | 6,488 words | Published July 11, 2015)

Summary: In which Clint Barton meets a missing assassin in the vents and somehow becomes friends with him. Things don't go as bad as they could have. Also available as a podfic read by babbling_bedlamite

How to Train Your Superheroes by StuckySituation (Gen | Teen And Up Audiences | 3,150 words | Published March 05, 2019)

Summary: “But of course, no matter how much we practice on schedule, we will need to learn constant vigilance and manage to get our reaction times down to the minimum,” Steve continues and takes the last burger beef from the grill and puts it onto the table next to him. Natasha has a brief millisecond to frown and think “Constant vigilance?”, before Steve kicks the grill so hard that the coals rain on top of the flammable carpet feet away. “What the hell-!?” “STEVE!?” Steve is already sprinting towards the ledge. “First training session started! Wanda, Sam, Tony - someone CATCH ME!” Then he jumps off the Tower. Also available as a podfic read by vassalady (@vassalady)

Do You Remember Being Happy? ('Cause I Sure Don't) by GalaxyThreads (@galaxythreads) (Gen | Teen And Up Audiences | 11,022 words | Published April 25, 2020)

Summary: "Dragr," Thor called them. "Demons" Clint had said. "Thieves" is what Steve labels them as. AKA, the one where Steve is captured by creatures that feed off of happy memories, and the team is left to pick up the pieces. Post-Avengers.

5 Times Steve Dealt with His Team's Sleeping Habits... by The67ImpalaDragonChild (@dragonimpal67) (Gen | Teen And Up Audiences | 29,606 words | Published November 08, 2020)

Summary: ...and one time they dealt with his. Steve didn't think anything of it when he moved into the Avengers tower. He didn't think about how much the people he's living with would affect him. He's thinking about it NOW! Who knew a bunch of super heroes could be so weird about something as basic as the need to sleep?

on the mend by meidui (@meidui) (Gen | General Audiences | 1,438 words | Published February 03, 2024)

Summary: Steve rarely feels this awful after a fight, but then again, he hasn’t been on a solo mission in months.

#marvel fic rec #avengers fic recs

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bubblegyu00 · 1 month

Text

zb1 as boyfriends 💋

a/n: thought i'd do one for jebe too 😋 YURA YURA BABY BABY also this is very rushed....

not proofread !

———————・✦

• jiwoong

boyfriend jiwoong is so " yes love? honey. sweetheart. princess " he's so perfect wtf

this man would be randomly talking and say " i would die for you " and mean that shit from the bottom of his heart

i feel like he's very manly and mature but he can not drink an ounce of alcohol or he's wasted. but when he's drunk he's genuinely the cutest thing ever. will cling onto you and giggle like a little kid but you can't even be mad at him because you love him sm

SUCH a gentleman. i don't even need to elaborate on this.

he's so husband material like i would drop my whole life for him to put a ring on my finger

loves loves loves to spoil you on holidays

" i bought you a present! "

" it's the 4th of july jiwoong... and you're korean. "

———————・✦

• hanbin

please do not even get me started with this man.

boyfriend!hanbin will literally revolve his whole world around you. if you think he adores that hamster plushie... take that times 1000 and that's his adoration for you

if he could take you on his tours he would. it literally tears him apart that he can't see you for that long of a period of time.

whenever he can't see you starts to literally hear your voice. he'll call you to get a flight to wherever he's at because he thinks he's delusional and needs to see you before he goes insane

will be your number one supporter at award shows, but when the camera pans to him he acts like he wasn't just screaming your fanchant

will do all of your chores for you even if you don't ask him to

" what're you doing? "

" sweeping "

" hanbin did you not just see me sweep the whole house? "

" well yeah but like- "

———————・✦

• zhanghao

boyfriend!zhanghao is so RGRBRBRHRHRGRGRH

if anyone of your fans goes to a " your biggest fan " contest, they're all losing because zhanghao is winning immediately

honestly was your biggest fan before you two started dating. he made the biggest foul out of himself when he saw you

like the guy started stuttering, turning red, and sweating profusely. you thought it was cute so you just started teasing him more

he's still a little intimidated by you, but he doesn't stutter, turn red, or sweat profusely. ( unless you start making out, cus then he basically has a stroke )

zhanghao is definitely the second best kisser. idk why it's just something about him.... like his lips also just look so soft ( does it show that i dream about him all the time? )

the amount of stuff he knew about you before you started dating is basically stalker level but it's okay cus you're obsessed too.

you two are the most judgmental people i've ever seen oml. like someone will pass by and you'll look at eachother and give them the most vile look ever made. like if i slipped up in front of you two id probably cry

" ew wtf look it's her "

" omg wasn't she the friend that dumped that one guy for no reason "

" yup "

" gross "

———————・✦

• matthew

boyfriend!matthew is so cute he makes me want to do a backflip into a pool of lava ( nichole wtf )

but anyways he's actually so perfect and sweet and perfect and also sweet with some perfect mixed in

wants to be in your arms 24/7, it literally kills him when he has to leave every morning for work. like he genuinely starts tweaking out

every time he goes to canada to visit his family, he takes you too because his mom and sister ADORE you sm. like whenever you're over his mom cooks a whole feast and will talk your ear off, but it's okay cus you love her

will be texting you with the stupidest smile on his face, it makes the members wanna gag. but he dosent notice cus he's to busy typing words to describe how much he misses you

the boys WILL NOT under any circumstances get too close to you or matthew will talk their ears off

" did you just touch her? "

" i passed her the remote?! "

" you know what gunwook i'm so sick and tired of- "

and then he rants for two hours.

———————・✦

• taerae

boyfriend!taerae is soooo bestie boo, like he is literally your hype man

i also think that taerae is basically a mindreader... like you could be craving something and two seconds later there's taerae at the door with whatever it is you wanted. or if you wanted to call him, he'd call you right before you even turn on your phone to call him

quite literally spams your company's emails to let you do a dance challenge tiktok together. and when i say spam, i mean this man genuinely sent them 5000 slideshows as to why you should do the challenge together

absolutely can not go two sentences without bringing you up. the members could literally be talking about plants and he would make it have to do something with you

sometimes he'll wake up and wonder how in the world he pulled you. like he genuinely thinks he is the chosen one because he thinks your so 😍

he loves when you compliment his singing sm. he literally wants to cry every time you tell him how beautiful his voice is, because he only needs your validation, not anyone else's

he's so obsessed with your scent. like he buys your perfume in bulk, and sprays it on his sheets and pillows

" just bought a hundred bottles of your perfume. "

" yeah and now they're all sold out rae "

" that sucks cus im not sharing. "

———————・✦

• ricky

boyfriend!ricky is claimed by me. no like i genuinely have him moved into my house and everything

he's the #1 kisser. like his make out game is STRONG omfg. he's literally just a natural wtf. like he doesn't even have a lot of experience, he's just so good at kissing it's wild

this man would probably try to buy you the world if you said you wanted it. but the thing about quanrui is that you could ask him for boba or something, and he'd buy you the whole franchise

whenever you're apart, he'll call you when you're about to go to sleep, and he won't even turn off the lights until he hears your soft snores

unpopular opinion—i believe that ricky is honestly really shy when it comes to you. like if you tell him that you love him, he'll get shy and clingy and while hide in the crook of your neck

his favorite thing in the world is when your laying in between his legs with your head on his chest. he'll play with your hair until you fall asleep

that's another thing about ricky; he feels guilty when he falls asleep first, because he hates the fact that you're lying awake basically alone

he's so delusional, he literally will lie in bed and plan out your wedding

" oh and your ring is gonna be soooo pretty baby "

" oh yeah? "

———————・✦

• gyuvin

boyfriend!gyuvin oh god.... yes those are tears you see in my eyes 😰

gyuvin likes to mess around and tease his members, but when it comes to you he's the sweetest, softest thing you've ever met

he gets sososo shy when you compliment his on his appearance at all. no like he genuinely covers his face and gets all smiley

the members always make fun of him because whenever you're around, he turns into this giant clingy simp

he honestly is really good about communication. like he absolutely will not let you go to sleep angry

do not break up with him. if you break up with him i'm pretty sure he'd go genuinely insane. he'd also be one of those stalker exes.....

you haven't seen clingly until you've met kim gyuvin. he literally wants to be physically attached to you at all times

" no come back! "

" gyu we've been cuddling for like six hours straight?!"

———————・✦

• gunwook

oh how i love boyfriend!gunwook....

gunwook is lowkey SUCH a gentleman. like if you two were on a date outside and it was sunny, he'd put a hand over your head to keep your eyes from hurting. or if your shoes were untied, he'd tie them without even thinking.

has you as his lockscreen and smiles every time he checks the time, or opens his phone ( it's a picture of you sleeping )

he buys you soooo many stuffed animals, but they're all teddy bears, and they're all named gunwook #1-#203. yeah... he really loves buying you plushies..

loves going to the arcade with you, cus he think you're so adorable when you're competitive/focused

you genuinely make him soooo happy and he smiles every time he looks at you. he could literally be having the worst day he's ever had, but the minute you walk in he has the biggest smile on his face

please compliment him or he'll cry. like your validation is a top priority, just like taerae. so if he's been working on his choreo extra and you notice, he's literally skipping around like a child

he definitely falls for your traps all the time

" do you think i look good today?? "

" yes of course baby "

" good not great? do you not even love me any more?! "

" WHAT?! "

———————・✦

• yujin

boyfriend!yujin is soooo confusing.

i say this because you minute he's bullying you, and the next he's cuddled up with you on the couch watching a movie

i think that he loves and adores you so much it confuses him sometimes since you two a young, and he dosent know what to do with himself

he's not the best at expressing his feeling and you have to understand that. he sometimes feels really bad when he treats you cold, but he doesn't want to admit it

but when he's in a good mood, he treats you so well. like he honestly treats you like you're royal

he sometimes has to ask his hyungs for advice because he doesn't know how to be a boyfriend. but he really tries that's all that matters

but yet again, when he's in a good mood he's clingy and smiley and won't let you out of his grasp for more than two minutes

" where are you going? :( "

" yujin i have to go pee "

" do you REALLY have to pee? "

" uhm.... yes "

" are you sure? "

" yujin- "

#bubblegyu00 #kpop #zb1 #zerobaseone

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chronicbeans · 10 months

Note

With the Welcome Home characters in modern times, it was fun for me to think of home falling in love with Alexa and Wally asking this artificial intelligence a bunch of questions.Can we see more about the characters interacting with current technology?

OMG Home falling in love with Alexa sounds like such a mood for some reason-

MORE Welcome Home Cast with Current Tech:

TW: None that I know of!

📺 Home does, actually, end up falling in love with Alexa. It is like a cute crush type of deal. The part that genuinely scares you is that, sometimes, late at night, you hear Alexa turn on and start chatting. Then, when you go downstairs, you see Home sitting next to Alexa, who is chatting away as if someone is talking. As far as you know, Home can't talk... but nobody else is there. You are unsure as to whether or not Home is aware that Alexa isn't sentient, but considering how these puppets are sentient, you are willing to bet that you might be the one in the wrong.

📺 You have caught Wally trying to get on your computer and watch, specifically, Don't Hug Me I'm Scared. He seems to be growing obsessed with that show. You are a bit concerned that it might influence his behavior or something, considering how he has always had a different vibe compared to the rest of the puppets (Home doesn't, too, to be fair), but he always finds a way to get the computer or phone. He likes the episode about creativity the best.

📺 Julie has a fascination with internet drama, now. Specifically the drama between makeup artists, since that is the type of content she tends to consume. She has also begun saying things such as "hey sisters", and showing you videos by the channels she likes. Surprisingly, she hasn't watched James Charles, and got the "hey sisters" line from a much smaller channel. She also has started watching a bunch of LGBTQ+ YouTubers, and shown Eddie and Frank them, as well.

📺 Sally has begun making plays based on the newer cartoons and shows she has watched. As of lately, she has gotten into Batman content. Batman content in general. You don't know HOW she got to more mature Batman related content, like Gotham or The Batman 2022, especially because you have been trying to keep the childish innocence of the puppets in case they find a way back into their show (you are scared that them getting exposed to too much mature content might harm the show if someone finds and watches it)... But she has. You suspect Julie might've found pirated versions and showed her.

📺 Poppy has gotten into TikTok baking. She tries to recreate the recipes she finds, to great success! She once presented you with this huge cake made to look like a unicorn. It was so cute you didn't want to eat it. When you did, however, you were surprised to find that it tasted like Jolly Ranchers.

#welcome home #welcome home x reader #poppy partridge #julie joyful #eddie dear #frank frankly #sally starlet #wally darling #welcome home home

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fuckyeahficrec · 1 year

Text

Hilson (Greg House / James Wilson)

I will add more in a near future

Please, give me suggestions for this blog and submit your own recommendations

These are listed by size - wordcount

Presumptuous Proposal - by didbuckygetaplum - Rating: Teen and Up - Words: 1277

Summary: Wilson couldn't figure out why everyone was congratulating him (well, mostly everyone, a few looked at him like he'd lost his mind) and he couldn't find House anywhere to ask him if he knew what was going on either.

sugar and spice - by ratsalad - Rating: Teen and Up - Words: 1984

Summary: “Aren’t you tired of being nice?” House asked Wilson. “Don’t you just want to go ape shit?”

(Three times House is nice, and one time Wilson isn’t.)

Welcomed Change - by JammiesDodger - Rating: General - Words: 2447

Summary: They're not sure when, or how, it happened, but it happened.

Something changed. They sat closer on the couch now, House’s bedroom had become their shared bedroom, Wilson had decided House’s old shirts make far better pajamas than his own.

They both decide the change was welcomed.

the doppelgänger effect - by lohoron - Rating: Explicit - Words: 2891

Summary: The door to Wilson’s room opens and he curiously cocks his head when he hears not one, but two sets of footsteps.

Motherfucker.

Ditched me so you could get your dick wet. What a slut.

pay you in love without returns - by wishb0ne - Rating: Teen and Up - Words: 3012

Summary: When Wilson tells House how much he spent on the Hammond organ he gifts him, House makes a mistake that will reveal their feelings for each other.

Higher Ground - by VictoriaAGrey - Rating: Teen and Up - Words: 3193

Summary: "What would you have done?"

The infarction was something they didn't talk about. Ever. Through mutual, unspoken agreement, they never talked about the intimate details of those hellish days and the year following it. It had made the silence between them jagged and hard for awhile, but those edges dulled over time. At least for Wilson they did.

"Please don't make me answer that."

household accidents - by ORiley42 - Rating: Explicit - Words: 3868

Summary: this fic's working title was "the hallway sex distraction" and that pretty much sums it up!

i thought the plane was going down (how'd you turn it back around?) - by dude_wheres_thepie - Rating: Not Rated - Words: 4269

Summary: Wilson shows up at House's place after Julie tells him she's been cheating on him.

say it back - by Ductie - Rating: General - Words: 6661

Summary: What if when House tells Wilson he loves him, Wilson says it back?

Well, naturally they turn to humor until “I love you”, “I love you too” becomes the most convoluted, gayest inside joke ever. And then of course they realize they mean it.

any way that you want me - by lohoron - Rating: Explicit - Words: 6737

Summary: Wilson scoffs, shaking his head. He rubs his forehead, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Ask Cuddy. Cameron. Anyone but me.”

“What part of boyfriend do you not understand? Unless Cuddy is secretly a tranny I'm not sure it’ll work,” House bites back, eyebrow cocked up.

“Why did you even tell them you have a boyfriend?! You're not gay!”

“How outdated. Wilson the homophobe! Come look for yourselves, folks! Wilson hates gay people and—”

A Not So Miserable Holiday - by JammiesDodger - Rating: General - Words: 6965

Summary: “Your parents threw your toys away?” House says it like he isn’t entirely familiar with parental mistreatment, although his dad never threw his toys away. Then again, his dad never let him have any toys in the first place.

Wilson nods, again, like he hadn't just admitted to something shattering, something that probably affects him every single day. Shit, House feels really bad now.

The Australian Maneuver - by ORiley42 - Rating: Mature - Words: 8836

Summary: Wilson and Chase take a different kind of revenge on House.

the escalated butt dial - by lohoron - Rating: Explicit - Words: 10104

Summary: He thinks it must be an accident. Because all he hears is shuffling and soft… clapping? He's about to hang up and laugh because House butt-dialed him while drunk when he hears it.

A very, very obviously sexual grunt. A moan, if more specific. Whatever. Not whatever. He can't really breathe right now, or think; call back later.

He wants to hang up. This is an invasion of privacy. This isn't okay. House butt-dialed him while masturbating, for fuck’s sake. And it's not like he wants to listen. Right? So. Just hang up.

Bait and Switch - by ORiley42 - Rating: Mature - Words: 10637

Summary: Wilson tricks House into participating in a bachelor auction to benefit the hospital.

hail mary - by ictus - Rating: Teen and Up - Words: 12850

Summary: House can't let go.

A Valuable Friend - by orphan_account - Rating: Explicit - Words: 25302

Summary: Wilson has been receiving mysterious late night phone calls. He'd rather House kept his nose out of it - but we all know how well that goes.

Series

on selfishness - by ORiley42 - Words: 19204 - 2 Parts (both Explicit)

#hilson #greg house #james wilson #house md #house x wilson #house/wilson #hilson fic rec #house md fic rec #hate crimes md #hilson fanfiction #house md fanfiction

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legolasghosty · 1 month

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if this doesn't scream boggie, i don't know what does: They smell like sparkles and sunshine and I want to kiss their stupid face so bad

Bobby slammed the apartment door behind him, heading straight for the couch. He didn't slow down until he was flat on his stomach, his burning cheeks hidden by a Gayosaurus throw pillow ("Like a normal gay, but more awesome!") that Willie had found somewhere six months ago. Bobby wasn't ever sure where he found this sort of thing. He'd given up on asking when they were still in college, the two of them and Alex randomly paired up in a freshman dorm.

"What happened here?" the previously mentioned pillow finder said from somewhere above Bobby.

The soft click of Alex closing their front door properly was followed by the drummer's sigh of, "Reggie, what else."

Bobby felt the couch dip near his feet as probably Willie sat down. "You wanna talk about it, dude?" they asked. Bobby couldn't decide if their tone was sympathetic or teasing.

"No," he mumbled into the pillow.

Look, dating your bandmates didn't work out well. Reggie and Luke had been together for a bit when they were all in college and it had burned hot and fast. Bobby had been sure the band would break up for good when they called it quits. It had taken a whole new person, Luke's now queerplatonic partner and their band frontwoman Julie, to get the two of them to talk it out and become friends again. Even then, it had been a rough couple of months for all of them.

So, no matter how pretty Reggie was or how sometimes Bobby thought he leaned a bit closer to their shared mic than necessary, they couldn't be a thing. It wouldn't work.

"Dude, you can't just keep ignoring it and hope it goes away," Alex sighed, now sounding much closer. "Remember how I tried that and it failed? Epicly?"

Bobby lifted his head just enough to shoot Alex a glare. "That's not the same thing," he protested. "No offense, Willie."

"None taken," they chuckled. "But Lex has a point. Shoving it down doesn't work, and it might just turn out better than you think."

Bobby dropped his face back down to the pillow and flipped them both off. "No."

He felt a foot nudging his shoulder, indicating that Alex had found his perch on the back of the couch above him. "Bobby, Reggie likes you back, you guys just have to get your acts together and talk about it."

"Hypocrite," Bobby mumbled. But he groaned and rolled onto his side, glancing up at his roommates and best friends. Maybe talking it out would help erase his stupid crush on his bandmate. "I know he maybe thinks I'm cute or whatever, but it wouldn't work. The band almost broke up when Luke and Reggie did, and I can't be responsible for doing that to you guys. I just can't."

"Okay, I get that," Alex began. "But what makes you so sure the two of you wouldn't work? I mean yeah, Luke and him didn't go so well, but there were a lot of reasons for that."

"Very much including the fact that they were 19 and neither of them had actually been in a serious relationship before," Willie added. "And I love them both, but their communication skills aren't the best now, let alone two years ago."

"You and Reg are good for each other," Alex continued, giving Bobby that heavy, open stare that he usually masked behind several layers of sarcasm. "He gets you out of your routine and trying new things. You help him slow down and talk things out."

"You're both better people for being around each other," Willie agreed, one hand resting on Bobby's ankle. Then the corner of his mouth quirks up. "Not to mention the fact that you guys practically make out at the mic every other song."

"We do not!" Bobby insisted, forcing himself up on one elbow. "Mic sharing is totally normal."

"Mic sharing, yes. But you two take the phrase 'eat the mic' a little too literally," Alex laughed. Then his amusement faded. "But seriously. You like him. He likes you. And we're all semi-functioning adults who can at least pretend to be emotionally mature. At least talk to him."

"Even if you decide not to give it a shot, at least you'll have been honest with each other," Willie said.

"But what if it messes everything up?" Bobby asked, hating how small his voice sounded. "I mean, yeah, he smells like sparkles and sunshine and I wanna kiss his stupid face so bad, but I don't want it to destroy the band. Or our whole... family."

Willie's expression is now solidly in the sympathetic zone. "But what if it makes it better?" they countered. "I mean, Lex and I were great as friends, and we're better as partners, and we're both better friends to the rest of you because of being together."

The smile Alex gave them for that is enough to make Bobby fake gag and throw the Gayosaurus pillow at them. But... maybe they're right.

"Hug time?" Alex questioned.

Bobby just nodded, suddenly feeling heavy at the possibility of having Reggie as something other than a bandmate. But heavy in a good way, like crawling under his weighted blanket at the end of a long day.

Alex dropped down onto the couch beside him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him in. Bobby let Willie resituate both of their legs on his lap. He usually wasn't one for being manhandled by his friends, but it was nice to let them take care of him every once in a while. He tried to focus on the clean and salty scent of Alex's hoodie and the easy movement of Willie's thumb on his ankle.

Maybe, just maybe, they had a point. At the very least, he owed it to Reggie to let him be a part of the conversation, right? Bobby let out a soft sigh. This meant he'd have to actually have a conversation about it with the bassist. But he was getting better at those at least. It was 'healthy' or something. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe they would be okay.

"So..." Willie mused after a while, "what do sparkles and sunshine smell like?"

"Screw you," Bobby groaned, hiding his face in Alex's chest.

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havin-fun-imagining-twd · 10 months

Text

Still beating

What - dealing with grief as the dust finally starts to settle. Dealing with grief regarding one specific character's death in particular. You know the one.

Genre - heavier, but we get devoted husband/father Daryl out of the mix. And we don't end the chapter on a bummer, never fear. This ain't a French movie, slowpokes

Relationships - wife Reader and husband Daryl as well as your baby. Familial affection with Rick, and that balance between friend and clergy for Father Gabriel.

Perspective - 3rd POV Daryl, and 2nd POV You

Pronouns - she/her

When - time jump! we've briefly hopped to post season 8, pre season 9 (but before The best kind of damn weird). This chapter takes place during the earlier phases of recovery and rebuilding after the war. The previous chapter, Scary as a sleepy kitten, took place during season 2.

TWs - grief, PTSD (including after SA), depression, self-loathing, and some cussing. This chapter is also kinda lengthy, friends, and had to have exposition. (Might should've sliced the chapter in half, but then we'd have another two-parter on our hands :P)

But how long though? - ...20 minutes or so?

Story references and Masterlist link? - under the cut

And is there a pic at the end as a prize for finishing? - yes :D

Have fun and happy reading!

References to other chapters - what we learned in The Interview. There is also grieving/anger as seen in The first Christmas 'without' Part 2 and its conclusion in I don't hate you, a happy reference to Happy 8th of July!, reference to those lovely tugging strings as found in Invisible Tugging Strings, Part 1 and Part 2 (Part 2 I reckon is still glitched and showing as labeled mature, the poor thing's been cleared about 7ish times via help ticket XD ).

There are a lot more details you might recognize, pop on by to the Official Masterlist here, or for those who prefer linear over non-linear, the Chronological Slowpoke Masterlist here

-----------------------

Still beating

She was doing real bad. The past few days had been especially bad. Grief has nasty ways of settling in and rearing its ugly head.

He didn’t know too much about what to do to help her, he’d never been good at that stuff. And there was no fixing all that happened, especially not when the last thing that happened was the worst thing that could’ve.

Other than if TJ or Judith died, it was the worst thing. And part of his wife died right alongside Carl.

Hell, she’d been the one to wait after Carl died, then turned, to pull the trigger.

Now, she felt dead, too.

Gabe had to suggest that she check her pulse when it got bad enough.

Just then, TJ started to wriggle and hum in an attempt to root at Daryl's bicep, which pulled him out of his worry for a second.

Gently, he began to bounce to try and keep his baby lulled. He knows Y/N wanted to breastfeed only to get her production up (and so TJ’s suckle could get stronger after the surgery), but Y/N was finally asleep.

Beginning with when Denise was killed, Y/N hadn’t been making as much as she first had. Then, the Saviors stopped the RV and surrounded them, and Negan did what he did. Then Daryl himself got taken away, then there was all the fighting.

And then Carl died.

Getting her milk to come back had been proving damned hard.

A handful of not-very-good times, they’d supplemented what milk she did make with watered-down formula and/or watered-down goat's milk.

One very bad time, they’d used sugar water to fill the babies’ bellies until Jesus got back with goat's milk. Just the one time they had to use sugar water, everybody made damn sure of that.

For now, Daryl could crack into what was still left of the goat's milk in the cooler, right? The two women in the Kingdom who had little guys had sent over actual breast milk with Carol a few days ago, but it was used up yesterday. That stuff had been a God-send, he couldn’t thank the ladies enough.

Between the two babies in Alexandria, TJ and Gracie, everyone had to be smart about using what formula was left. And given that the power got cut, keeping the goat's milk fresh was another problem, hence the cooler.

There was still a shit ton of clean-up had since the Saviors nabbed Alexandria’s storage, then firebombed the town. To make things worse, those assholes had their own compound destroyed, and Hilltop and the Kingdom got screwed, too. Even the beach women took another beating. Hell, and them junkyard people were literally all fucking gone except their leader chick.

So, Y/N breastfed the two babies as much she was physically able because there was no other option right now, all while working as the only other doc left standing in all five communities; she was running herself into the ground.

And with Carl gone…

It ain’t fair that she couldn’t make enough — it was Negan’s goddamned fault.

Which leads to what just went on: so Mich had told him, Y/N’d lashed out at Negan and the new doctor kid with the facial hair, what was his name, Sidney?

Daryl hadn’t been at the infirmary when it happened, but, according to Mich, she’d had to pull her out of the room. Once out, Y/N asked her about TJ, Judith, and Gracie to make sure they were safe, then disappeared after Mich had turned around. Straight up and bolted.

Daryl had checked the escape-closet first, but she wasn’t in there or the attic it connected to, wasn't on the roof that lead to.

He’d then checked the burned church. She’d been there, he recognized her boot prints, but she'd moved on. From there, he was able to follow her sooty tracks in the direction of the place he should’ve known to check first.

Sure enough, Y/N'd been at Carl’s grave.

His wife could barely look at him when he approached. He'd simply kissed her on the head and quietly walked her back home. Once home, he'd cleaned and bandaged her hand while she, again, tried to pump enough for TJ and Gracie.

Mich had told Daryl she’d get Rick for her, so he’d be here soon.

Daryl wracked his brain, he even prayed to learn what do to try to help carry Y/N through this shit.

At first, Y/N’d been pacing around the room, crying but trying not to, arms wrapped around her picture frame with a photo of Carl in it as if it was the only thing keeping her afloat.

He'd been able to persuade her to lay down, and ended up laying in bed with her and holding her tight, TJ next to them in little bassinet.

Initially, him holding her and pressing kisses to her neck had made her feel worse. More guilty, that is. A handful of days ago, something got into her head that she needed to give him a damn "annulment."

Nah, for real, she’d even said (to Gabe) that the two of them not having ever done the deed yet was "grounds" to give him one. “Grounds to free him,” were her exact words. It was a whole thing, and the couple of failed attempts at trying to do the deed after getting hitched some months back probably made her feel worse.

Father Gabriel had Daryl's back the whole time during the conversation, though, decent dude.

And no, Daryl wasn’t angry or even real hurt that she’d thought she had to ‘free him’ and shit, he knows it was the grief and physical exhaustion that got her to that point. His woman had full-on blacked out and hurt herself that day, which is why he'd brought her to Gabe in the first place.

But the, um, the walls were thinner than Daryl had expected, which is how he overheard from the person that he was gonna love and stay with and stay faithful to until he dropped dead softly confess that she was “selfish” to keep him “stuck” with a “batshit m-mess” like her and “a baby that ain’t his.”

The fact that Y/N kept maintaining how much she loved him and how she didn’t want no annulment helped it hurt less when she’d sounded just about convinced that it was “loyalty to me ’cause we’re close, loyalty to Rick,” and because of “he’s got so much shame. He feels responsible for what the Claimers did,” that made him marry her those months ago. "He loves our ch—my child, and might love me, but it's not fair to him. He deserves better, h-he needs better, the man's been trapped all his life. I-I don't want him trapped, I want him happy!"

Gabe never played into her fears. He been no nonsense about all of it, told Y/N that she needed a damn rest, and asked her to tell him what she thought about it when she woke up.

The good thing was that after a 5 hour period of uninterrupted sleep (during which they used some of the goat's milk for TJ and Gracie), she woke up in a daze at why she’d thought an annulment was something Daryl needed or wanted.

The bad thing was, she was then socked in the gut with more unearned guilt for it, then with worry that she was too far gone, or crazy, all that.

Been a bad, bad few days.

Been a lot of Daryl showing her love that she felt not worth being shown. So that she fell asleep in his arms today was such a damn win!

After getting up to take a leak and finding that Y/N was miraculously still asleep, he thanked whoever was up there, then tried to figure out what else he could do to help her get through today…and right at that moment, TJ started to rouse, so he got his answer: keep their baby comforted. More shut-eye could only do his woman well.

Deftly lifting the little bundle into his arms, he'd kissed the scar above the baby’s upper lip and tiptoed out to the hall, where he was now.

Lightly he bounced, softly he shushed. He held TJ like a football and moved back and forth, back and forth. Babies smell so damn good, and make the cutest damn noises!

After a couple minutes, through the open door, he peeked at his Y/N.

Shit. She was already sitting up and blinking off the sleep.

Whatever it was she did and said today, she felt low as hell about it, that much was clear. Without looking, she grabbed the now-broken picture frame and clutched it to her middle.

"You're supposed to be asleep, slowpoke," he tried to tease.

Her clothes had ashes from where it looked like she’d knelt down then sat down in the burned church. There was some dirt on them, too, from when she’d been at Carl’s grave. Daryl made a note to shake the sheets out later and pick the tissues up off the floor.

That's when the front door opened downstairs.

Was that Ri—good, that was Rick’s voice, he was finally there. There was a second voice, too, was that Father Gabriel’s? It was soft like Gabe's voice was.

Daryl looked downstairs.

Yup, it was Rick with the rev.

He waved them upstairs, but it must’ve been the clunking of the Gabriel’s new cane that got Y/N stumbling out of the room.

“Rev! I would’ve come to you, y-you need to be takin’ it easy.” She hugged the picture frame in one hand, gripped the banister in the other and started to go downstairs, asking Gabe how he felt, urging him to sit down, had his vision worsened, all that stuff.

“Y/N, more rest won’t stop me from losing sight in this eye,” Gabriel responded in his quiet way, remaining on the second step, not going up or down the stairs. He smiled. “You could say I’m the one making a house call to a patient this time."

She held back a sob and bowed her head. Then, she subtly slipped two fingers around the inside of her wrist…

Rick stepped the rest of the way up the stairs and put his hands on her shoulders. “What's going on, weirdo?”

“Ricky, I'm s-sorry."

He leaned closer and took her in for a hug. “Heart still beating?” he murmured.

Her inhale was shaky. “Mmhm. Yours?”

“Beating strong.”

TJ perked up and began to whimper upon hearing her voice. Y/N unzipped her hoodie to—she still had a gun on her?

Okay, that'd been stealth as fuck, it hadn't even been printing. He'd been literally holding her, how had he not noticed?

Daryl shared a glance with Gabe. Minus her screwdriver, she'd turned in her weapons after what happened the other day.

Y/N handed the small gun to Rick, who looked wary, but accepted it without question. She hesitated before reaching into her boot to hand over her screwdriver, too.

Daryl slid his hand around his wife’s waist to guide her back to the room. Without looking him in the eyes, she cupped his cheek and told him he was a good father. Then, frame still gripped under one arm, she took the baby into the other.

“Let’s try havin’ a snack before I go with Uncle Ricky awhile, okay, chickpea?” she murmured, then unbuttoned the top of her shirt.

Daryl took off his vest to give her some more coverage. When he draped the vest around her, she turned her head to kiss his hand. He felt his cheeks warm when she did that.

Walking into the room again, she softly told Daryl that he and Rick could sit on the beds. First, she placed the picture frame on one of the mattresses. Next, she took TJ and went beside the end table at the window to sit down on the floor beside it. The way she sat, it was kinda as if she were using it as a shield.

“Rev, please take the chair,” she mumbled to Gabriel with a glance at the only piece of furniture in the room at the time, other than the bassinet, a nightstand, and the end table. Negan had specifically left the rocking chair as a 'gift' for her. The piece of shit...

Anyway, Daryl had got them their two twin mattresses back (hey, squish them together and you get a big-ass bed) the first trip to and from the Savior’s compound after the war ended, once the Alexandrians had begun to move back from the Hilltop. Only, no bed frames yet.

“And sweetheart, I’ll-I’ll take the pumps with me for while I’m in there. Wanna make sure you and Aaron have enough for them,” she said to him, voice still raw. Y/N turned to him and gave him a wobbly smile. “Sorry I used up so much of the tissue supply,” she tried making light, but got close to tears again, so stumbled through asking “Can I, um, Rick, m-might can I bring my pillow? Is that okay?”

Go with Rick where, and take the breast pumps and her pillow, why? He made eye contact with Gabriel, who looked just as puzzled. So, he turned to Rick.

Rick lowered his eyebrows as if he didn’t know what she meant, either. He squatted to sit down on the mattress beside Daryl, and looked at his sister. “Y/N, where are we headed?”

Glancing up from the baby to him then to Daryl, she adjusted TJ’s position on her breast while she figured out how to answer, by the looks of it. Another glance at her husband as if she were worried about his reaction...

“Rick, I thought you was here to…escort me?”

Daryl had no clear idea what she meant, it was the rev who understood first.

“No,” Father Gabriel told her gently. “Y/N, you aren’t under arrest.”

Under arrest? Daryl fought between the urge to get angry or dead-ass laugh. 'Under arrest??'

It was for real, though. His wife’s tears started flowing again as she turned her attention to Rick and began to stress, “There can’t be no special treatment—”

“—Is this why you handed me your weapons? Why would you be under arrest?” Rick cut her off to question.

She stared as if he’d grown antlers. “I s-struck a patient, and, and—”

“—And I slit his throat open, which is why that 'patient' is in there in the first place,” he cut her off again, firm.

Thankfully, TJ let out a wail the same time mama wailed, “Ricky, y-you weren’t his medic!” pausing any further arguing.

Y/N gulped, pressed down on one breast, then the other. “I know there’s not much in ’em, Teddy-bear, but it-it’ll get better. It’ll come back,” she shushed, lifting him up and tucking herself back in. With a few kisses, she shushed, “You’ve gotten so much faster at drinking, babycakes”

Daryl got on the floor with her and took TJ back.

She avoided eye-contact again, and her lip wobbled again as she pulled the top of her shirt higher. That told him there’d been not much milk in there. And he could see all over her face that it was switching her on the legs with more false-ass, unearned guilt.

The familiar string in his chest suddenly tugged in her direction—next thing, he was resting his forehead on hers. “Hey. You’re makin’ more every day, angel,” he whispered in her ear. "And you're a damn good ma."

The way her expression softened and her body relaxed toward his felt better than fireworks going off on the Fourth 8th of July.

And as if he were back in that Georgia-in-July heat, Daryl just about melted right there on the floor when he saw his TJ, neck lifted high, making a face-scrunching, gummy smile at him. "Look how strong your neck is getting, ’lil badass, you’re rockin’ it!”

Shit, their kid was the best damn thing.

Y/N leaned against him and reached to lightly fluff their baby’s hair and rub their baby's teeny feet.

Gabriel sat in the rocking chair quietly, hands resting on his cane. He caught eyes with Daryl and nodded his head toward Y/N, glad to see her no longer convinced she needed to ‘free’ her husband.

Absorbed in the photo, Rick exhaled, then spoke up. “Y/N, how about we start from the beginning? What happened at the infirmary?”

She pressed tighter against Daryl as a pained noise left her throat. “Did you talk to Siddiq yet?” sounded very small.

“I want to talk to both of you.”

“And Michonne?”

He nodded. “She told me some.”

The big watch she’d kept from Dale tick-tick-ticked on her wrist. Then came the sound of light metallic clinking. Daryl didn’t have to look to see that she must’ve pulled out her brother’s necklace and was tugging on it.

“What I did ain’t excusable,” came out raspy and thick.

“It is," Rick answered.

“It’s not, especially not what I said to Sid—” a sob choked her response. She used Daryl's leather vest to hide her face before hugging it around herself like a blanket.

“Walk me through what happened first, kiddo, before you hit Negan with this?” Rick subtly gestured to the broken picture frame.

So she had smacked Negan in the face? Hot damn, Daryl was more in love with her already.

Y/N swallowed and shook her head. “They’d been lookin’ at it, the both of 'em.”

“At the picture?”

A tiny nod. “I’d left the room, and when I got back, they was looking at it. Siddiq brought it over to him. Tried to make like Negan was sad, too. Fuck that!”

TJ started rooting on his bicep again, but Daryl was on it. “Sorry, pipsqueak, I don’t got the right parts for that.” He started to massage the baby’s belly, and TJ quieted.

“It’s okay to let ’em cry a little, it-it helps restock these,” his wife tried joking, nodding down at her chest.

“Y/N.” Rick was delicate about coaxing her for more details. “You got back into the room, Siddiq and Negan were looking at the picture.”

“Negan’s filthy hands were on it,” she grit. "Lookin' at Carl and me, you with Shaney." The sounds of the pendant being pulled across the chain filled the room along with TJ’s soft cooing.

“Is that when you hit him with the frame?” Rick asked.

“No. I told him not to look at it again or touch it, and if he did, I’d hurt him.”

“Angel, slow your breathin’,” Daryl interjected at the same time that he figured out why those words sounded familiar: it was similar to how she'd warned the last Claimer fuckhead, the one who’d had Carl pinned down and was gon——Daryl shut down this brain for a sec, it was best not to think about that night.

He turned his head to see Rick, red-eyed, tracing his thumb along the photo of Carl, Y/N, Shane and him. Seems as if Rick had recognized her words, too.

“And when was it that you did hurt him?” Rick pressed on.

Y/N swallowed. “About half a minute later when he tried to act like it wasn’t his fault.”

Rick’s composure staggered and collapsed. His voice was hoarse when he managed to say, “It’s not his fault.”

But Y/N was fast to shut it down. “Don’t for one more second make like it’s yours, Ricky, you get that monkey off your back,” she comforted and somehow scolded both at once. “Negan was doing what Negan does when he, when he told you that. It was manipulation, nothin’ real. How C-Carl—” another choked-down sob, more tears.

Daryl noticed her press her fingertips to the spot under her chin, beside her jaw, checking her pulse to prove it was still beating.

“Negan had nothing to do with how Carl got bit,” Rick whispered. “You know it’s true, kiddo.”

“No—our boy wouldna ended up out there, w-with-with Siddiq, if it hadn’t been for Negan.” Her tone got louder and angry, her stress stutter became more noticeable, the way she tugged the necklace turned rougher. “He and his followers was why we weren’t able to trust no n-newcomers like Sid, which is why Sid was still out there alone, and, and, and why Carl went to him! It, it was because of Negan and his, and his, his-his cult!”

TJ seemed freaked out by the louder voice, the baby’s dark, blue-black eyes grown big.

Daryl spoke Y/N’s name to try and bring her back to herself, but she seemed to have very suddenly calmed.

She was blinking at her hand.

Daryl looked, and then saw the two halves of her brother Shane’s chain, broken.

“How many times did Carol warn me that this would happen when I tugged it,” she muttered to herself. "Good thing I didn't decide to tug on the rosary, huh?"

Inhaling, she leaned her head against the wall behind her, staring into space, fingers to her wrist to check her pulse again.

From beside her, he covered her hand in his. Then, pressing his lips to her fist, Daryl took the necklace from it. He could fix it.

“I lost my temper again, I’m sorry,” she spoke to all in the room, her hand cupping Daryl's cheek a moment. Then, more quietly, she looked at Rick. “How many days’ll I be in there?”

Which sent Daryl straight back to disbelief he was hearing those words, what absolute bullshit. “Y/N, you ain’t going nowhere.”

“You’re not going to a cell, Y/N,” Rick echoed.

“No special treatment,” she softly repeated. “If I were anybody else—”

Rick interrupted her “—It’s not about who you are.”

Father Gabriel had gotten up and was making his way to Y/N by then.

Y/N shook her head at the conversation, tired. “If I were anybody else or had any other orle, and if he were anybody else,” she caught her breath, “there’d be reper-re-rep—” a few more tries, and she had to choose a different word, “consequences. Assault and battery on an un-unarmed person—a patient—from their medical provider, that’s serious.” Her hand was back to covering her face. She sat pressed against the wall, knees at her chest.

“You and Siddiq are the only doctors left. We couldn’t just put you in a cell even if you had earned it.”

“I ain't a doctor, at best, I’m a medic,” she grunted. “And I did earn it, just ask him and Michonne. As for my,” she made a shaky inhale, “my duties, I can be escorted out.”

“And TJ? Gracie?” Daryl put out there, hoping to guilt her out of insisting she get jail time, like, what the fuck. What kind of conversation was this?

Screw this, he couldn't even sit. He stood, shaking his head and pacing around the room, still holding TJ.

The expression on Y/N's face should’ve been enough to calm him down, along the defeated, quiet way she reasoned, “I’ll pump and y’all will visit. It’s—no, sweetheart—it’s only for a few days,” when he started to dead-ass leave. As if her being in there ‘only for a few days’ would help this bullshit make sense.

But that’s when he ended up snapping, “This is goddamn bullshit! You bopped a sick fuck on the nose with a picture frame, who the fuck will care? Rick, why you even entertainin' this shit?” and he regretted doing so as soon as he barked it out.

The old, invisible knee rammed him in the nards harder when Rick cautioned, "Brother," and Gabe finally opened his mouth, and louder than Daryl had ever heard him speak. “She cares, Daryl. So do I.”

And to make it all worse, their baby had given a start in fear when he’d shouted, and now the poor kid was screaming—and TJ doesn’t scream, shit, shit, he blew up while holding his child?

��M’sorry! M’sorry," he hushed to his baby, "I love you so much, kid, I’m so sorry I scared ya. I ain’t gonna hurt ya.” With a kiss on TJ’s wild head of hair, he murmured, “Pipsqueak, your old man is an idiot.”

Y/N rushed over when TJ screamed, but she didn’t take the baby away from Daryl. Instead, she caressed her husband’s forearm and the tricep and spoke to their child. “Your daddy’s got you safe,” she soothed.

He knew she was trying to look him in the eyes, but he couldn’t return it. He’d just scared an infant because he couldn’t check his temper. Their infant.

His wife’s quiet assurance cut through the rushing in his head. “Daryl? TJ ain’t hurt, sugar, and you’re not a bad father. Do some skin to skin, okay?” She pecked a kiss on his cheek. “And that's a dollar for cussing, pay up later.”

She then sat back down on the floor next to where the rev had made his new seat. Daryl took the now-empty rocking chair, unbuttoned his and TJ’s shirts, then nestled the kid on his chest.

Y/N then told the room the rest of what happened, how after Negan croaked out with what voice he had left, saying it 'wasn’t his fault Carl was dead', that she’d turned around and whacked him across the face with the frame.

Siddiq had reacted by grabbing her shoulders from behind to pull her away from Negan — so she had shoved back and kneed him in the dick plus rammed her head against his, dropping the frame in the process. The frame broke as a result—and when it broke, she'd lost her cool, said some shit, and threw some shit. Mich heard the hubbub and intervened, then Y/N hid herself away cause she 'knew' she was 'gone crazy.'

As far as Daryl was concerned, the new doc was lucky all he got was a shove, a knee to jewels, a clunk on the head, and some words and maybe a clipboard thrown at him, because Y/N could fight damned well. She'd had it drilled into her how and when to do it. Freely taught others moves, too.

When she’d showed Carol some techniques, way back, it was one of the things that sent him falling for her.

And…Y/N might’ve not said it out loud, but when she described how Siddiq grabbed her from behind to pull her away, everyone in that room got why it caused her to react strong.

What she described herself as doing would’ve been instinct.

Siddiq wouldn’t know why. Negan might, the fucker had watched the tape of her Deanna interview.

“See?” Y/N blew her nose again, sniffed, and stared at the floorboards. “It’s not right to Sid or the community to, to have what I did go unchecked. And what I said to Siddiq was so cruel. What’s worse is I meant it. Fuck, I still do.”

What she'd said was basically that she wished he’d gotten bit instead of Carl, and that it was just as much Siddiq's fault that the boy was dead as it was Negan’s. That 'he should be dead.'

She grimaced, then caressed the watch on her wrist. Must’ve been thinking of Dale. “Ain’t fair to…Negan, neither. If there’s anything Carl taught us, it’s that,” she whispered.

Rick lifted the frame to kiss his son’s picture, wiped a couple tears away. “When I talked with Sid, he was…alarmed. Worried. He thought it was off-character.”

Y/N went rigid where she sat. “Siddiq wasn’t there two years ago.”

Daryl lifted the baby higher on his chest and snuggled closer.

Rick shook his head. “You wishing someone dead, or, dead instead of another, is very off-character, it’s not you. No—don’t shake your head, Y/N.” Her brother maintained, “Even back then, after what happened, you didn’t wish me dead. You wished that Shane was still alive, not that I was dead instead. Even if you did say those things, it wouldn't have been the truth, just the hurt speaking.”

“I attacked you and told you I would kill you. And I-I meant it at the time, you know that.”

“And for a couple days, you left, because you didn’t actually want that. You knew it was wrong.”

“Which is why I need to get put away for a couple days. I decided to hurt a patient and his doctor, my own fr—” She wasn’t able to say what was probably the word ‘friend.’ Y/N bit her lip, and continued, “Then hurled words at him what nobody should get hurled at them.” She swallowed a cuss and grabbed another tissue.

“You’re exhausted, Siddiq knows that.” Rick pointed out. “We’re not ourselves when we’re—”

Y/N wasn’t having it. Probably too exhausted, to tell the truth.

“We’re all exhausted. C’mon, man, you just lost your son!” A sob left her and she tried to breathe through her nose. Checked her pulse again.

“You were also reacting to how he yanked you back, kiddo. That's not nothing.”

Daryl gave Rick a warning glance.

Rick saw, nodded, and held up a hand, which made Y/N turn to see what Daryl was doing. But Daryl simply kissed TJ on the head, not saying nothing.

She wasn’t fooled. When Y/N looked back at Rick after giving her husband a look of it’s okay, Daryl gave Rick another warning glare, then a nod.

“You didn’t react like that without reason, Y/N. There’s no shame to admit it was a trigger.”

She grumbled at the word. “Trauma ain’t an excuse to traumatize others.” After exhaling, she ran her hands over her face and took a moment. Hardly louder than a whisper, she challenged, “Ricky, not all my problems stem from the rapes. I’ve always been too hot-headed.”

At that moment, Daryl wanted to scoop her and TJ up and drive them away from everything, keep the two of them safe and unbothered for a month or two or four.

“Getting grabbed like that m-might, y’know, might could’ve reminded me of it—when they—" She ran a hand through her hair. "Okay, it did get me going. But, I,” she paused. “It wasn’t that I saw red or blacked out, I chose to keep goin’ once I’d started. I threw stuff because I was raging, I didn't want to stop because I thought he deserved it.”

Y/N fiddled with Dale’s watch, and turned to Father Gabriel beside her and almost smiled at him, close to the way she used to smile at Glenn, as if he were in on a joke. “Here I’d hoped I was re-domesticated by now.”

“Let us give thanks that you’re still housebroken,” he responded, taking Daryl by surprise. "You're...still housebroken, are you not?"

The way Y/N then cracked up and grinned woke up the butterflies in his stomach.

“Y/N, you’ve come miles since I first met you,” Gabriel told her softly, smiling back.

“All the way from Georgia,” she joked back, then grew more serious. “You’ve grown a whole lot, too.” She wiped her eyes, and Gabe closed his.

“And Y/N,” he shook his head. “You aren’t losing your humanity. I know you’re frightened of that, after what you told me happened to your other brother.”

It hadn’t even registered in Daryl’s mind that Shane’s memory would be scaring her. She loved her brother like hell, but she was always terrified of going down the same path he did.

He looked to Rick to see what his reaction was. His reaction was tear-rimmed eyes and a nod of his head toward TJ, silently asking if he could hold the baby awhile. Daryl nodded, Rick stood, and returned Y/N the frame as he walked by to pick up the little one.

Hands empty, Daryl took out his army knife and the broken chain from his pocket so he could fix his woman’s necklace. Wasn’t gonna be hard.

He heard Y/N whisper, “Hey, punk. Miss you. Miss you, too, loser.” He let his eyes travel to where she sat under the window, and watched her kiss the picture and well up. It was the old one of her and preschool-age Carl photobombing Rick and Shane, after one of them got some kind of cop award.

Clutching it once more to her belly, she and Father Gabriel then started to talk in low voices with one another.

“The red haze in your right sclera is so close to begin' clear. Did you talk to Rosie today? She’s been seeming less depressed.”

“I thought this was me visiting my patient, not the other way around,” Gabe gently hinted. “Y/N, please talk to me.”

Daryl heard her sniffle. “Rev, but I don’t want to have meant those words. I’ve been workin’ on it. It-it might be his fault, but I know he’s innocent, he’s humane—Sid even counts walkers like I do, man, yet still, I—” her breathing shuddered. “After whatever this mess is kicked in, every time I see him now, I hate him. Why do I hate a decent person?”

“Grief,” he offered simply. He gave her another shrug and small smile. “Keep doing what you have been. It will get easier every day, the same way your, um,” he was careful about his wording regarding her tits, “that you have more for the little ones every day.”

She huffed but didn’t raise her voice again, she stayed quiet as could be. “It don’t feel like none of that’s happening.”

“Our perception of things doesn’t always equal the truth, Y/N.” Gabe seemed to take a moment. Maybe he was praying.

Y/N’s fingers found her pulse again.

“We are all healing,” Gabriel next said, and smiled again. “Your heart is still beating, is it not?”

Y/N stared for a few moments, caught in the act. Eyes meeting Daryl’s for a moments, she removed her fingers from her neck, and inclined her head at the reverend. “What about yours?” she asked softly.

“Still beating. And that’s the proof,” he assured her just as softly. “Y/N, as for the way you understand your actions and your emotions toward him as not being right, I would like you to take it as a comforting sign. And, you just handed over a weapon you plainly wanted to keep concealed, you didn’t use said weapon to hurt Negan, either,” he pointed out, for which Daryl was grateful. “Perhaps, if you begin to make excuses, begin to feel no sense of having done wrong when you have, I will worry.”

Weirdly enough, he next grinned up at the ceiling. “But I am not, because you are simply broken and in need of healing. You’ll get there, as will I,” he held his hand out to the room. “As will your brother, your husband. All of us.” He sighed. “So long as our hearts are still beating.”

Daryl looked back at his wife in time to see her bit her wobbling lip and nod. Her gaze turned to Rick with the baby. He was kissing TJ’s scrawny little feet.

Her face softened seeing them, and as Daryl’s stomach fluttered again, she turned to look at him. His stomach full-on did a happy flip (and, yeah, he lost his grip on the necklace’s broken link and dropped it).

Y/N said to Rick, “Well, we still need to show ’em that Alexandria—that you—are accountable and fair. How many nights will do, you think?”

Rick shook his head. “Zero. But, because you have a point and won't take 'zero' as an answer,” he quickly added, “how about one?”

“For a piggy, you’re actin’ awful chicken.”

He was unmoved by the cop joke. “Bawk, bawk.”

And Y/N laughed, for what it was worth. And it was worth everything, hot damn was that laugh the best sound.

Daryl figured he might as well check, “What about bail, that still a thing?”

“Not with you owing a whole dollar. That’ll take weeks to pay off,” she said, back to doing her best to lighten up things. He loved her so fucking much, goddamn.

“Supervision when outside the cell,” she stated to Rick.

He shook his head again. “I have a better sentence in mind. When I saw you wearing Lori’s belt earlier today, it reminded me of it. See, and you left this at the infirmary.” He reached into his jacket pocket.

Recognition swept across her face when he held it out. “Do you think he’ll feel safe?”

“The headphone cord is too thin to choke him with, it’d snap.”

“Ricky, that joke was very dark,” she lightly chided.

He squinted, kissing TJ’s feet one more time first. “I hereby sentence you to one night—”

“—Three.”

“One in lock-up,” he spoke over her, then was fast to tack on, “with Daryl and this one as guards.” He motioned to the baby.

"Women shouldn't have male guards," she dryly droned.

"Overruled. You'll also get supervised outings for your duties tomorrow and the day after, including the trip to the Hilltop for Maggie’s prenatal visit. And,” he held up the music player, “you’ll need to listen to music with Siddiq on this. We know it works.” He cocked his head. “Let’s start with 20 minutes per day, like you and I had.”

Some tears slipped out even though she was smiling. She mouthed I love you to him, then asked out loud, “How many days?”

Rick squinted. “Fourteen.”

---------------------------

You

“You pick the songs. Whatever you like,” you told him, staring at the photo and rubbing the ‘22’ pendant over your lips. Daryl fixed the chain for you shortly after you’d broken it. You really love him.

Sid accepted the mp3 player out of your hand.

You and he each had one earbud in, one apple beside you, and Michonne sat nearby with Judith. Supervision was your stipulation, yet being proactive about ensuring it had done nothing for how humiliating it was.

Still, you took an objective look and figured Siddiq should know that his safety mattered, that your people were fair and held themselves to standards.

Just looking around the place, it looked as if standards were a given here. That Alexandria’s power grid and some panels were already repaired within three weeks of Negan’s razing was almost unbelievable.

Sucks for the Saviors Cult that the community had been built to withstand up to magnitude 4.1 earthquakes and be fairly fire-safe as part of its self-sustaining (and for-politicians) model, so in the least, a good number of the homes were still standing.

Carl's gazebo was another story, as were other similar structures, like the church, but the ash had been washed off by the rain, and the communities' walls were back up.

Next to you, Siddiq asked you how to work the mp3, citing, “Carl had been the one to…”

Had been the one to work it when he borrowed it to visit you out there, in order to show you some kindness. Before he got himself bit because of you.

The words festered inside of you. Whatever. Let them fester, you felt dead anyway.

As you went to point to show him, the picture hung from your outstretched, bandaged hand. The pic you'd chosen this time was another older one from the before-times, not one of the newer polaroids. You'd been the one to take it, actually, using a disposable camera about five and a half, maybe six years ago.

It was blurry, Lori and Carl had been being silly and stopped posing, Rick was mid-comment. You loved this one.

It felt so unreal now, felt fake.

Felt dead.

You checked your pulse. Still beating.

“The, um, just use-use those two buttons there for up and down to search,” you mumbled, tucking the photograph into your shirt pocket. “That one is for back, that one for options. Press down on the middle to click.”

He went huh. “Here’s the Indian music playlist,” he chuckled. Appears he’d found the Desi Party! playlist. Carl told you he’d played it for him.

Before he’d gotten fucking bitten.

How could your heart rage and ache so much if you were dead?

“It’s got all sorts on it,” you replied blankly to Siddiq. Remembering your oldest sister who’d made all the playlists before handing her mp3 down to you, it felt like she was made up. Felt like everyone was made up, fake. Dead.

“My mother was a big filmi fan,” he shared.

But you simply repeated, “Pick to whatever you like, you’re in charge of the songs.”

There was no emotion in your voice. You didn’t want to chat with him, didn’t want to nerd out about Bollywood music, and also didn’t want to face him after saying such awful things to him early today.

Hating him felt right. It felt "deserved," which is a word you'd learned to not use, thanks to Dale.

Granted, hating Siddiq felt wrong, too, which invited shame to take a seat on your lap.

So, you followed the rev’s advice and took comfort in the shame because it meant your conscience was still ordered in a good direction. It meant you weren’t fully dead yet.

You checked your pulse again to remind yourself that it was still beating. Life was still going.

Father Gabriel had also told you that feeling dead didn’t make you a bad mother or a bad wife or bad person, it simply meant you were broken and grieving.

“Y/N?”

“What?” you growled — and immediately wished it hadn’t come out that way. In your head, you told Carl you were sorry, you’d do better next time. Then, you prayed to stop hating the sight of Siddiq, the sound of his voice. Wished Dale or Hershel or T-Dog or Deanna or Denise or Sasha were there for, for—advice, support, you don’t know…

And because the rev has enough on his plate and needs to rest, maybe later you’d risk everyone’s ire and sneak away to visit Mr. Jones at the junkyard. At least he wasn’t dead yet, too. Maybe visiting him would convince him to move back to Alexandria.

“I never apologized for pulling you backward like that,” Siddiq said to you, a little short. Couldn’t blame him.

In truth, you had done all you were going to do to Negan after smacking him the once, but Sid wouldn’t have known that. Wouldn’t have known how grabbing you like that would flip an alarm, either.

No use moping, if your positions were reversed, you’d have wrangled him back, too.

And yet, you just caught yourself licking your teeth and sneering in response to his apology.

But it wasn’t out of anger or hatred so much as…you still aren’t certain what the emotion was. Grief, depression, shame, all three. You supposed it didn’t make a difference. Didn’t feel like much of anything.

Briefly, you put two fingers to your neck to check your pulse again. Still beating. Still alive.

Alive, and needing to eat some crow, as it were.

“Don’t apologize, you were protectin’ our patient. What I did was wrong,” you recited. “I-I threatened a patient and then whacked him across the face.” Your conscience then prompted you to apologize again for what you’d said to him. “And, just—Siddiq, what I said to you was bullshit and lies and m'sorry I said it. Cruel bullshit, naught else. Don’t go believing a word of it.”

He wasn’t clicking through the playlists and songs anymore.

Appearing uncomfortable, he peeked at you before he put his attention back on the mp3. “Michonne said pulling you like that was a trigger, which is why you, um…I’m sorry,” he said again. “I didn’t know.”

First, you relaxed your jaw. “Ain’t your job to know. It’s mine to learn past it.” Next, you spackled on something of a smile and added quietly, “It’s good that you, that you stepped in. Thank you.” You did mean it, for what it was worth.

How many minutes until the twenty was up, you wondered, and tried to not be obvious about checking the time on your wrist. Eyeing Michonne, she seemed more preoccupied with Judith than with being punctual regarding your penance/sentence.

“PTSD is serious. That’s why I’m sorry, I, um,” Siddiq faltered. He went back to clicking through the music choices.

“We all have at least a little PTSD, bud.” With a light nudge to try and convey camaraderie or something, you attempted to tease, “C'mon, you chosen at least one song, yet?”

“Sorry, let me just, uh…” and with a few more clicks, the first song started. It was Bohemian Rhapsody.

“You chose the playlist ‘Songs Everyone Likes.’”

He chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah, figured I couldn’t go wrong with that one.”

The memory of belting out this song with Carl, Glenn, Beth, and Maggie before your group even found the prison whooshed back and you started to smile—until you remembered that Carl was gone now. He was dead.

You’d forgotten all of that for hot second, but your Carl was dead. So was Glenn. So was Beth. So was Lori, who'd joined, so was T-Dog, so was...

Maybe you were dead, too. You felt dead—so, you pressed your fingers to your neck to feel for a pulse.

Still beating.

The lyrics of the song began to register. You know, the early parts like ‘I don’t wanna die,’ and ‘carry on, as if nothing really matters.’ Sounded a little too personal, tell you the truth.

And just like that, the song was skipped. You glanced at Siddiq.

He shook his head. “Not the right mood for it.”

“Mm.”

The intro to the next song in the shuffle was very bouncy, and ‘Dance to the Music’ started to jive through the earbuds. You didn’t sway along like you naturally would have. No urge to.

The song played, finished.

“First time I heard this was in Shrek,” Siddiq made small talk while munching on his apple. “Love that movie.”

You might’ve hummed in acknowledgment, you aren’t sure. He handed your apple to you, you took it. Held it.

The next song started, ‘Young Hearts Run Free.’

The song played, finished.

Siddiq made more small talk. “I remember that one in Romeo + Juliet, the one with, um, Leo DiCaprio. We watched that version in high school after we finished reading it.”

You hummed again. Pressed your fingers to your wrist, just in case. But no, your heart was still beating.

The next song started, ‘Jumpin’ Jack Flash.’

“A lot of oldies,” he commented once the singing began. He took the final nibble off his apple.

“But goodies,” you responded, willing yourself to sound less stiff and monotone. “Modern stuff is on this playlist, too, don’t worry.”

The song played. Finished.

The next song started. ‘Another One Bites the Dust.’ Siddiq promptly skipped it once the refrain started and the lyrics sank in.

“Good call,” you grunted.

The next song started. ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.’

“Oh n—please skip this one, too." You loved that one, but you’d queued it up for Glenn at his and Maggie’s wedding, and it was not the time to go reminiscing. You swallowed the lump in your throat. Checked your pulse. Still beating. "Please skip 'Thunderstruck' if it comes on, too?”

The mp3 player clicked as Siddiq skipped the song. Next on the shuffle was ‘Under Pressure.’

He adjusted his seat and coughed. “This one fits.”

A combination sigh/groan was your contribution, because he was right. The two of you were the only doctors major medical personnel left standing.

The song played. Siddiq’s knees and wrists bounced to the rhythm where he sat beside you. You stared at your boots. Where’d all the soot and dirt on them and your clothes come from, you couldn’t remember…

…

It was when a strong gust of cold wind blew that you noticed that the music had stopped, your earbud was out, and the sky wasn’t as cloudy anymore.

When did that happen?

You sat up and blinked a few times, your apple still in one hand, Shane’s necklace in the other.

“Hey,” you heard Siddiq call.

What, why were your cheeks wet? “S-sorry, I,” you dropped the necklace, wiped your eyes with your sleeve, and put the apple down, “must’ve, um, checked out.”

“I’m not sure how long it was after it began when I noticed the change,” he let you know. “Is…this what happened earlier?”

You closed your eyes and shook your head. “Earlier was somethin’ else. This was just—” ‘Dissociation,’ was a misunderstood word, so Denise taught you. And you didn’t want to use the word for that reason.

You really wanted to keep a shred of dignity for yourself in the eyes of that guy. He didn’t even know that you’d hurt yourself when you’d ‘blacked out’ the other day…so, you decided upon a white lie highly euphemistic layman's term. “I spaced out.”

He nodded, but his brows sunk, as if he weren’t buying it.

And when he did that thing where someone slightly opens their mouth because they’ve put together a response, you changed the subject. “Listen to anythin’ good while I was in space?”

Siddiq wasn’t swayed. “Do you still feel detached?”

“A little,” you answered truthfully, breathing deep and checking your watch to try gauging how long you’d been out. Except, you had no recollection of what time it had been earlier, so it was a bust. God save you, you were a mess.

“Sid. I’m sorry you’re trapped dealin’ with this shit, it ain’t fair to you. If, if you wanna bounce early, don’t feel obligated to stay, and, and—like, if you don’t wanna do this whole music thing, it’s fine. W-we don’t want you feelin’ unsafe.”

“Unsafe? Y/N, I…” he paused. “I forgive you for what you said earlier. And I’m not scared of you. Hitting Negan wasn’t okay, but…” another pause. “Compared to the way most others are baying for his blood and how you defended saving his life, I mean—you helped me save him, Y/N—” He lifted his hands, palms to the sky. “You’re my friend, we work together, it’s not like I can’t see that you’re drowning.”

Nothing prepared you to hear that.

He was calling you a friend and was still trying to be understanding, after all that…

You wanted to slam your head on a hard, rough surface and cry from the shame and simultaneous relief. You also didn’t want to accept it, and so pushed back: “You were alone out there too long. Friends d-don’t tell friends they wish they were dead.” And mean it, you did not confess.

But of all things, he merely raised one shoulder and snorted. “I’m a really good friend?”

Tears spilled at the same time that you almost laughed. No, it's true, you almost laughed. Things felt a little unreal again, but in not a bad way. The most you could do right then was send up thanks for the mercy that came out of the mess. You pinched your wrist first, then felt for your pulse.

“Compared to a few minutes ago, do you feel more like yourself now?” Siddiq made sure.

Huh. You used to ask Shane a very similar question, when he was forgetting his goodness.

You kept feeling the small beats at your wrist, reminding you that you were indeed alive, therefore capable of healing and growth.

“Heart’s still beating,” you sniffled, making yourself smile at him. The hatred and disgust you’d felt earlier seemed to you less like a fact and more like a bad dream.

Then, from the far right of the oak tree, you heard Aaron’s voice saying, “Not yet, man, they’ve got four minutes left.”

Aaron and Daryl then came into view. They waved to you as they walked by with the babies, another reminder that you that you weren’t fully dead inside. Gracie was in a stroller, TJ was bundled in Daryl’s arms. Your husband lingered behind, eyes on you as he absently pecked a kiss to your baby’s covered head.

Something stirred, and your chest fluttered and tugged in their direction, reminding you again that your heart was still beating. So was Maggie’s, so was her and Glenn’s baby’s, so was Rick’s, so was Aaron’s. Life was still going. You had a child, a husband; lifelines. Their hearts were still beating, too.

The unexpected wink and the way Daryl’s gaze softened as he looked at you made you feel as if you’d been freezing and someone just handed you a cup of cocoa with mini marshmallows. The way he next moved his lips to pronounce ‘troublemaker,’ however, you ought to have seen coming a mile away.

The heaviness in your body eased a bit. A smile started prodding the corners of your mouth. Shyly, you returned the wave and mouthed ‘mangy hick,’ your wrist bumping against the photograph sticking from your shirt pocket.

Aaron noticed him acting like a dope lagging and gestured for him to keep up. “Four more minutes and we’ll come back to get her.”

Daryl called out "slowpoke," and waved your baby’s little arm to the two of you as they walked away. He kept peeking behind him, too, it warmed you. When they reached far enough, you once again took the photograph out from your pocket.

With a final peek at Carl’s picture, you sent up a prayer and reaffirmed the promise that you’d made to him. That you’d live for him, do him proud.

So long as your heart was still beating, you’d try to do him proud. “Seems you and I got four more minutes, Sid. What’ll we pick?”

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