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GOOD OMENS.
CLENCH UP BITCHES WE'RE DOING THIS. SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS READ WITH CAUTION my hands are still shaking from finishing season 2 approximately 13.420 minutes ago so everybody clam the fuigk up/down. we're getting IN to this one. 10 sections.
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okay, before i get into anything specific, i just wanna say: this series has had some of the best writing i've seen in a tv show & it's really fucking gratifying to watch. this season in particular had some really clear, distinct themes that were evolved upon and executed pretty much perfectly imo, to the point that i almost feel like i can guess what a good deal of season 3 is probably gonna look like (see section 12). this is great!! it means the writers are really paying attention to what the story is doing & what the characters are feeling/going through at any given moment in the story, & it just makes the series that much stronger on a rewatch. this season in particular really hits that sweet spot for me of being overt & clear w/ its themes w/o treating its audiences like idiots, it just. works.
i'm not going to touch on season 1 as much here since it's not as fresh as s2 for me rn, but hopefully this post can help bring some additional analysis/reflection to the new season. not sure how much of this will be totally crazy wild & new, but perhaps some interesting points will come outta the process. hope you enjoy the read!! there's 13 sections so feel free to skip around.
1. aziraphale as the beautiful execution of a flawed protagonist (ft. crowley's pining)
one of the best parts of this season by far comes from the character writing, particularly for the main two & especially for aziraphale. aziraphale was my personal favorite to watch for this entire season actually, he & crowley are both such a fucking mess but aziraphale in particular hides it in such a fascinating way to me. it's not just like watching a car crash, it's like sitting on a park bench watching a man drive a bus into a stoplight, like full on crunch the vehicle in half squish, and then just get out & carry on walking like nothing is wrong & he isn't dripping blood & scraping broken bones across the concrete.
on a broader scale, there is something incredibly appealing about how aziraphale & crowley are presented, even at a very base level. even w/o the fantastic acting of michael sheen & david tennant specifically, it's a pretty common thing that fandom will default to shipping Narrative Foils, & these two are the epitome of that. a demon who can't stop being a nice guy & an angel who keeps cutely being an asshole- this is a great base to work off of, & again the execution thus far has been excellent.
what i like about aziraphale in particular is how complex his character ends up being while still fitting into a very particular role. while crowley to some degree fits into an already pretty popular & well-loved character model (that of the grumpy nice guy), aziraphale has to hit a couple of very important & precise traits, being both outwardly very likeable & endearing while simultaneously constantly fucking up & doing increasingly egregious shit. i really can't commend michael sheen enough for his acting in helping to get the balance right- it would be STUPIDLY easy to make aziraphale the most obnoxious character to ever grace the screen if performed or written incorrectly, the kind of outwardly-kind asshole that does horrific shit w/o reflecting since the show runners seem incapable of seeing the character for what they are & it all just ends up driving viewers up the wall (e.g. emily in paris).
what i think makes aziraphale work is the fact that he is just genuine enough in his actions that when he does something legitimately horrible, it's both so subtle you almost don't even pick up on it, too distracted by the emotions you feel in following his perspective, & just motivated enough that it's easy to write him off w/o thinking any deeper. as much as crowley calls aziraphale out for being a bad magician, i think it's spot on that the one thing he is quite skilled at is misdirection. you spend a lot of time in this show following very closely with either aziraphale or crowley's POV, but in s2 especially the contrast between those two views is quite overt. while crowley's perspective is often a lot quieter, more reflective & also overtly anxious as he throws himself into stressful situations purely for the sake of supporting az, aziraphale's POV is always very loud & chaotic as he runs around, finding pubs & fighting demons & doing whatever the fuck else he wants to at any given moment.
the main flaw of aziraphale in this season is, imo, selfishness, a direct contrast to crowley's continual self-sacrifice when it comes to aziraphale. in both cases though, this is (pushed to become) a flaw that i think ultimately leads to their inability to connect at the end of the season. but in order to understand that more, we're going to have to take a closer look into the circumstances that have thus far shaped both aziraphale & crowley's characters.
2. denial as a defense mechanism: heaven & hell as life threatening danger
if there's one thing s2 has not forgotten when it comes to a&c, it's the circumstances of s1 that led them to their current emotional/mental states.
slight tangent to lead back into this point: in my work as a librarian, i end up dealing w/ a very particular set of clientele when it comes to the kinds of people that regularly use a public library. parents w/ young children, older gentlemen & ladies looking to escape the more extreme weather, and (for my city, at least) lots and lots of people who no longer have stable housing. since an often forgotten about goal of a public library (well, to the general population) is social services, as a part of my training i've recently been working through a book on what is essentially trauma-informed customer service, which has led to a lot of insight.
one point in particular that i want to highlight here is the idea that traumatic instances are both common & intensely significant in how they can change a person's behavior. defense mechanisms that may make sense in the context of a traumatic event will often stick w/ people even as the context they're in changes & the instincts are no longer useful, instead making the individuals' life even more difficult.
if there is one trauma that defines a lot of the current problems that a&c are going through, it's the fear that originates from the constant surveillance and, in turn, threat of complete eradication that comes from both heaven & hell.
significantly, crowley & aziraphale both respond to this threat in distinctly different ways: where crowley clings to the idea of escape, of creating a place where it's him and aziraphale against the world (alpha centauri), in part idealizing aziraphale as both his only friend ("friend") & the only person he could ever truly trust (crowley also likely has some trauma from the fall but we'll get to that), aziraphale viciously denies that they even have a relationship, all the while simultaneously relying on crowley heavily to do a lot of his dirty work for him. (see this post for the endgame twist on that idea.) it's significant to me that a good chunk of aziraphale's earliest morally dubious actions involve lying- since he's been doing it for so long, it's probably one of the easiest things for him to write off as not that bad, so it's natural that he would default to it as a defense mechanism here too.
to clarify, crowley does engage in denial too, though it's obvious from the emotional climaxes of both season 1 & 2 that he is much less committed to it, likely doing it for the sake of easing aziraphale's mind and/or giving himself something to fall back on so he doesn't attract too much attention from the people that can really hurt them. overall though, these are both basically just fight/flight responses- crowley ultimately wants to run away from or fight everyone that can hurt them (& betrayed him by letting him down in the past) and aziraphale ultimately just wants to deny that the problem even exists.
if we see aziraphale's later stated goal of, "Let's change heaven for the better," as an evolution off of his earlier mindset, this is also basically what their final argument in ep6 comes down to: crowley wanting to run away and aziraphale wanting to go & fight for change. what's so aggravating about this conversation is that they also want the exact same thing: EACH OTHER. (idiots.) (maggie & nina were spot on, of course. it's not just nightingales missing in that silence.) this is not even to mention the fact that they are utilizing these defense mechanisms not just in an attempt to protect themselves, but ultimately to protect one another. think about that one late at night if you wanna get up the motivation to key mr. gaiman's car.
it's also interesting to note that in s1 crowley basically wins this argument, getting the chance to settle down (albeit, still under pretty questionable circumstances) as he & aziraphale (supposedly) create their own little corner of the world away from everyone else. it still doesn't work though as neither of their solutions really get at the core of the problem, which is 1. the horrific bureaucratic systems of heaven & hell that Don't Give a Shit about People at all, and 2. their own unspoken fears & feelings (romantic & otherwise).
3. good, evil, & narrative foils: crowley edition
since i extrapolated on aziraphale's character in section 1 and a&c's relationship in 2, i think it's only right that i look into crowley more for 3.
for all the pain & agony & tears that it brings, i really do think that ep6 is the best ep of s2. specifically, i think that ep6 is the one that shows the primary issues of a&c that have been plaguing them throughout the season (& even previously in s1) the most overtly, and this is especially true of crowley.
there are two things that aziraphale gets wrong about heaven in their final argument: 1st, the idea that heaven is necessarily better than hell, & 2nd the idea that crowley would ever want anything to do w/ it again.
i've seen some people talking about crowley like he's the voice of reason this season, but i don't necessarily agree, or at least not entirely. he's completely right when he says that heaven & hell is toxic in their final argument, yes, but i don't think his motivation in saying that is purely from observation either. remember that point i mentioned earlier, about crowley also having trauma from his initial fall? where aziraphale naturally trusts people to a fault (see: gabriel, but also picking up shax, the graveyard, etc.), crowley is plagued by a complete inability to trust anyone around him, & it's my opinion that a lot of this comes from the trauma of his initial fall.
the one exception to this is, of course, aziraphale, who we can see attempting to be a friend to crowley both before & long after his fall, but aside from him crowley Does Not trust anyone else around him & honestly for good reason. while we can write off hell as just being Like That, even if crowley didn't initially want to fall (as is heavily implied in a few flashback scenes), he certainly doesn't want to be dragged back into a supposedly great position that he knows he could lose again at any wrong comment. this is also (in part) why i think crowley reacts so strongly to aziraphale's "Nothing lasts forever," comment- after going through the horror of losing his divinity & all the stress of the last few seasons, the one thing crowley probably wants is stability, & he's been relying on aziraphale as the source of that. you're both doing the dance for this one, boys.
to reiterate: don't forget the graveyard scene when it comes to crowley doing absolutely anything for aziraphale to the point that it hurts him, both in terms of the supposed punishment he got from hell (that az skips over real fast in his narration) & how aziraphale continues to deny both the reality of their relationship & how much his denial hurts crowley.
4. beelz & gabe the weirdest couple imaginable. good for them. good for them. also: heaven & hell as two equally controlling/toxic sides of a bureaucracy
the Big Bads of the last few seasons took more of a backseat for this one which makes sense considering the focus on a&c and all of the parallel couples, but i do think the one point that was emphasized for them is very important, and that's the ways in which both heaven & hell parallel each other as shitty bureaucratic pyramids of power.
if we consider this meme to be true, i think crowley really is right when it comes to his analysis of heaven & hell, though we're probably just gonna have to wait until s3 to see the exact route the show decides to take.
a big running thread w/in either of these two groups is the fight for promotions, both in terms of people clawing their way up to get more power & in terms of people being replaceable. crowley & gabriel getting kicked out of their positions is just a vacancy of power to the companies that are Good Omens Heaven & Hell, and there is a very clear parallel between shax & michael & their desire for control. what's notable is how that parallel might also now extend to aziraphale what w/ his new promotion. all very fitting concepts to cover in a post-covid, writers-strike context, which i have seen our resident mr. gaiman posting about.
5. yuri on ice, hannibal, & the beauty of acknowledged romantic tension
if there is ONE thing i am disgustingly grateful for in this show it's the fact that we finally have some concrete follow-through on the romantic tension between a&c that permeated through s1. there's only so many times a man can call his best bud "Angel" completely unironically before it gets fucking stupid (cough cough dean winchester cough). but also, to put it in the words of another text post around here: I love how the kiss was awful.
even if there wasn't a kiss, the fact that this fucking entire season fucking revolved around love & featured all kinds of parallel couples should be enough to clue you in on the romantic tension between a&c, if you somehow were blind enough to miss it before. that being said, i'm really glad that the kiss was executed the way that it was, essentially summarizing all of the tension & anguish that had been built up over the last few seasons in an explosion. the state of aziraphale & crowley's relationship hurts more because they kissed, because the tension finally overflowed & it still wasn't enough to stop him from getting in the stupid elevator & running away again.
sorry had to take a break to aggressively listen to the better call saul theme song again. anyways, while i know there are some other shows that have set precedent for this in acknowledging the romantic development between their leads, i can't stop thinking about two in particular in comparison to good omens: yuri on ice, for the literal cinematic parallels between the kiss, and nbc hannibal, for the creator acknowledgement & slow lead up to the climax.
what i am desperately hoping & praying for w/ good omens is season 3, since it feels like all too often when we finally get a good, Gay:tm: show it's always this big, flashy thing right at the end that everyone freaks out about & adores (around these parts, at least) but is never evolved upon. i think gomens has a good chance since we've got more precedent now, the creators/actors/etc are more open about it, & the season is clearly unfinished w/ a ravenous fanbase, but something something supernatural trauma i'll trust it when i see it. can't always believe these corporate fuckers. at the very least though they probably wouldn't write this kind of ending if they didn't think they had a good case for another season, so.
ok, a couple shorter sections cause i'm undoubtedly gonna run out of space if i keep at this pace:
6. the resurrectionists was a really good arc that i enjoyed a lot
exactly what it says tbh, the writing for this arc in particular really stood out to me.
i mentioned earlier that s2 has some really good character writing & i think that's in part because it's necessary as a kind of transition season, reflecting on the chaos that happened w/ the first go at armageddon & setting up for the next apocalyptic event that is likely planned for s3. it's for this reason that i think the resurrectionists arc is really strong, establishing in particular all the flaws of aziraphale's character that i went over previously in a very interesting way that still manages to weave into the previously established, albeit quite sparse flashback timeline established in s1. the morally dubious nature of grave robbing for the sake of science & medicine is the perfect context to put characters like a&c in, and the more overt look into class w/ a character like elspeth works really well in helping to ground the more abstract social commentary associated w/ heaven & hell.
7. ramblings about sequels & whatnot
it can be really difficult to write a sequel, especially when the first go at the story cleaned up its plot so well by the end, but where s2 is strongest imo is in establishing the ways that crowley & aziraphale still need to grow.
i almost think that this season had to end horrifically tragic, in a similar way that i think book 2 of the simon snow series wayward son had to end on a pretty dour note. in order for 1 & 3 to have decently high notes, 2 just often has to be pretty miserable to balance it all out.
this is also why i think the maggie/nina storyline is so important overall. not only do those two establish the most overt romantic parallel to a&c, helping to transition the story from s1 & set up for ep6, but they also end on a distinctly hopeful note that's in direct contrast to the scene that comes immediately after they leave. the parallel plants at least the tiniest seed of hope that a&c can sort their shit out if given some time & communication, similar to maggie & nina. it also makes a lot more sense in establishing why crowley chooses that moment of all times to bother w/ a love confession- i genuinely don't think the kiss would work if m&n didn't have a little sit-down intervention w/ him beforehand.
8. SPECULATION: aziraphale vs. crowley apocalyptic fight, dissolving of the current organization of heaven & hell, affirmation of the beauty of humanity & morality?
a list of my speculation about what may or may not happen in s3:
apocalypse part 2 only this time aziraphale & crowley are actually gonna be fighting each other & it's going to be fucking agonizing to watch especially in direct contrast to s1
there's probably going to be some sort of attempt to get crowley into an equal/parallel position to aziraphale in hell. whether or not he actually decides to take this position is kinda up in the air, but either way he's going to fight it at first out of a hatred of both sides. if he does eventually agree it'll be under some sort of condition to save aziraphale, and/or a fake out trick that also is to save aziraphale.
i just don't think i can see a happy ending where heaven & hell stay in their same structure. w/ such big characters as gabriel & beelzebub just fucking gone into the middle of nowhere there's gotta be some kind of re-establishment of the two sides & their relations. the only way it might not change is if the Religion Lore gets in the way, but w/ the established politics of this show & mr. gaiman i can't see an ending that just allows the status quo to continue on exactly as horrible as it's been.
crowley back in his apartment? (plsplspls.) also something really heart-wrenching & emotional related to the car & the bookstore after a&c have been separated from them because of course. personally requesting additional exploration of the car as a symbol of crowley himself/able to be influenced by aziraphale e.g. scooting towards az, yellow is so pretty, etc. etc.
more flashbacks, maybe more from crowley's pov this time? like something to do w/ that period where he was supposedly being punished for helping aziraphale, more about his experiences w/ hell & the fall, etc.
something something affirmation of the beauty of humanity & the world, ft. a&c bonding over their mutual love of it again. they were each others only real friend for how many thousands of years, if they're gonna be fighting OR attempting a romantic bond that's going to be significant.
when the actual romantic reconciliation happens is kinda up in the air, but it depends on what the Big Bad ends up being, an external force of heaven & hell or a&c themselves. personally, i think that heaven & hell are just gonna keep getting weaker but w/ aziraphale in charge maybe that'll change (or maybe it'll be the catalyst lolol). if it's external they'll probably get together earlier in the season, if it's more internal probably not til the end, though there might be a momentary reconciliation for the sake of fighting something else.
i'm a bit more up in the air about this one, but maybe something more w/ satan & god as the top of the pyramid when it comes to heaven & hell? good omens is all about that kind of contrast so it might make sense. this also assumes that s3 is the presumed end of the series, which may or may not be the case.
if this does end up being the end of the series: i really, really, really, would not be surprised if crowley & aziraphale end up fully human. it's quite the obvious answer but it just makes so much sense for their characters, w/ their love of the world & whatnot. then again a lot of their relationship has also been related to immortality, but also then again there's a lot of stories out there about immortals hating their long lives & wanting to just settle down like normal people so. ehh. oh speaking of settling down,
9. they're NOT married, that's the PROBLEM: thirteen seconds.
thirteen. full. seconds. of the Most Awful Kiss. known to contemporary tv.
they're not married that's th eentire fuckigngggng proble m.,,..,,..,.
10. "I forgive you."
this is such a nonsensical line it makes me so absurdly angry. what the fuck are you doing aziraphale. well, presumably the exact same thing crowley was trying to do by kissing you, but i digress.
bonus edit, i thought of this literal seconds before falling asleep & now i can’t get it out of my mind: crowley needs aziraphale for stability, aziraphale needs stability to have crowley. mic drop
#i had to keep taking breaks writing this to listen to the better call saul theme so i could calm down#gomens#good omens season 2 spoilers#good omens#gomens 2 meta#also if you somehow end up reading this mr. gaiman: yes i do sneak your books onto the displays at the library whenever i can#as it should be 😌#astronaut rambles
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UNDERSTANDING BISEXUALITY
Sexual orientation can be described as the pattern of one’s romantic or sexual attraction to others—of the same gender, more than one gender, or none at all. Some people who identify as bisexual may be attracted to those who are male or female, while others may be attracted to any person, no matter that person’s gender.
The term pansexual is often used as by those who wish to describe their sexual orientation as being unhampered by limitations of gender. A person who identifies as bisexual may still experience attraction that is similarly unlimited, but some may experience limits to their attraction. In either case, a person may choose to identify as bisexual as a matter of preference, and some may use the terms bisexual and pansexual interchangeably. A person who is attracted to individuals of more than one gender or who engages in sexual behavior that may appear to indicate bisexuality will not necessarily identify as bisexual or pansexual and may instead prefer some other identifier or none at all.
Individuals who identify as bisexual are not necessarily attracted to men and women equally and will generally experience sexual attraction in a wide variety of ways. A woman who is bisexual, for example, may be predominantly attracted to women and pursue women as romantic partners but still experience attraction and sexual desire for men. A man who identifies as bisexual may experience attraction for individuals of all genders but choose to marry a woman and remain in that monogamous relationship throughout his life.
Some people who identify as bisexual may wish to pursue non-monogamous relationships with a variety of individuals, but simply identifying as bisexual does not indicate that a person is non-monogamous. The complexities of romantic, sexual, and emotional attraction are difficult to define and no one example can sum up what it means to be bisexual.
The above examples are only a few hypothetical descriptions of some possible experiences, and they are not meant to simplify bisexuality. The complexities of romantic, sexual, and emotional attraction are difficult to define, and no one example can sum up what it means to be bisexual. In general, the main distinction between bisexuality and other sexual orientations is that bisexual individuals have the potential for sexual attraction toward more than one gender, and though individuals who are bisexual may be attracted to all genders, some may experience limits to their attraction.
HOW COMMON IS BISEXUALITY?
According to a study conducted by The Williams Institute in 2011, approximately 3.5% of the population of the United States identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. When those who engage in homosexual sexual behavior but do not identify as LGB are included in this number, the percentage increases to 8.2% of the population. Just over half of the study’s LGBT population (3.5%) described themselves as bisexual (1.8%), and women made up the majority of those who identified as bisexual.
A HISTORICAL LOOK AT BISEXUALITY
The existence of bisexuality has been documented since ancient times. Bisexuality is a recurring theme in Greek mythology, and historic records show that it was common for young men to have sexual relationships with older men. These relationships were believed to both prepare men for marriage and lead to improved performance in battle; thus, these relationships were often encouraged.
In ancient Rome, sexuality was not necessarily divided into heterosexuality and homosexuality. It was common for men to have sexual relationships with both men and women, but sex was often used to communicate power and status, rather than love.
Although it is evident that bisexuality is a natural aspect of human sexuality, much of history has seemingly whitewashed its existence, it was not until modern times that the term was defined and discussed. In 1892, neurologist Charles Gilbert Chaddock coined the term bisexual in his translation of Psychopathia Sexualis. For nearly a century afterward, however, bisexuality was still seen as a mental health issue, and many laws prohibited bisexual relations. It was 1973 before bisexuality was declassified as a disorder in the mental health field. Prior to that, people identifying as bisexual were often “treated” with things like electroshock therapy, medication, and even castration, in an attempt to convert them to heterosexuality.
The shift truly began in 1948 when behavioral scientist Alfred Kinsey presented his research along with the Kinsey Scale. Kinsey proposed that sexuality and sexual attraction were not housed neatly in two polarized, binary boxes. Instead, he found that sexual orientation fell along a spectrum or continuum, with 0 denoting complete heterosexuality and 6 indicating homosexuality. In his study, most people fell somewhere in the middle of the continuum.
This discovery, which served to give those identifying as bisexual a new voice, was met with scandal, outrage, and fear. Over the next few decades, a growing community of LGBTQIA activists began to work to achieve recognition, fair treatment, and equal rights. Today, federal legislation exists to protect the rights of these often-marginalized groups, and in general, the United States has come a long way from the early days of intolerance, maltreatment, and persecution of the LGBTQIA population. However, discrimination and prejudice is still experienced by many who belong to this community, sometimes from within the community itself.
DISCRIMINATION AND PREJUDICE AGAINST BISEXUALITY
Individuals identifying as bisexual have historically experienced a great deal of prejudice and discrimination. Although many issues affecting the bisexual community have seen some level of improvement, a good deal of discrimination still occurs today. Sexual behavior that aligns with bisexuality is fairly common, yet many individuals who are attracted to more than one gender do not describe their identity as bisexual, for a variety of reasons.
There are several reasons why people may not come out as bisexual. One reason is likely stigma: Those who identify as bisexual may be stigmatized by mainstream society, but they may also experience discrimination from within the community they identify with or belong to.
Some prejudicial misconceptions about bisexuality:
Bisexuality equals infidelity.
People who are bisexual will have sex with anyone.
A bisexual person is really just gay but afraid to admit it.
Bisexual people cannot make up their minds.
Some examples of discrimination against people who are bisexual:
Biphobia, or fear or hatred toward a person as a result of that person’s sexual orientation.
Bi erasure/bi invisibility, or the assumption that a person’s current partner defines that person’s sexual orientation (Telling a man with a boyfriend that he is gay, not bisexual, or that his orientation does not matter, is an example of bi erasure).
Internalized biphobia, which can be described as the denial or rejection of one’s own bisexuality that may often lead one to experience self-doubt or self-hatred.
Discrimination can have a significant impact on the bisexual community:
The rates of depression and anxiety among those who identify as bisexual is higher than it is among those who identify as either homosexual or heterosexual.
The reported rate of tobacco use is higher among those who are bisexual than it is in those who are heterosexual or homosexual.
Women who identify as bisexual have a higher risk of developing an eating disorder than do women who identify as straight or lesbian.
Men who are bisexual are five times more likely to use methamphetamine than the general population.
Bisexual teens are more prone to suicidal thoughts than any other self-identified group.
Women who are bisexual are nearly three times more likely to be raped or assaulted (46% chance) than women who are straight (17%) or homosexual (13%). They also experience intimate partner abuse and stalking at higher rates, and when they disclose sexual assualt or abuse, social support is demonstratively lower than that offered to either straight or lesbian women.
Those who identify as bisexual also experience significant disparities in health care. They are less likely to seek cancer screening, experience a higher rate of STI diagnosis, have greater risk factors for cancer, and are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and other concerns related to mood.
Discrimination, barriers to treatment, and other concerns may often contribute to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Fear of these or of other negative experiences may also cause individuals to feel unsafe and refrain from coming out to friends, family, and society in general. (A person may not wish to come out, or disclose sexual orientation, publicly, but when a person does wish to do so and cannot due to fear of discrimination, this situation may have a negative impact on well-being.)
Well-trained mental health professionals can offer support in order to address any psychological struggle related to sexual orientation and identity that may arise. Therapists who have been trained in understanding the complexities of sexual orientation and gender identity will often be most effective at compassionately supporting individuals who are addressing and coping with unresolved feelings related to identity or orientation confusion, relationship issues, or discrimination based on sexual orientation.
References:
Are bi people equally attracted to both men and women?. (n.d.). Inorg. Retrieved from http://bisexual.org/?qna=are-bisexuals-equally-attracted-to-both-men-and-women
Allegheny County Department of Human Services SOGIE Project Team. (2015). Introduction to Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and Expression for Youth in Child Welfare. Pittsburgh, PA: Allegheny County Dept of Human Services.
Do bisexuals really exist?. (n.d.). Inorg. Retrieved from http://bisexual.org/?qna=do-bisexuals-really-exist
Erasure of Bisexuality. (n.d.). InGLAAD. Retrieved from http://www.glaad.org/bisexual/bierasure
Frank, N. (2014, March 28). Bisexuality Is Really Not That Complicated. InOutward. Retrieved from http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/03/28/bisexuality_it_s_really_not_that_complicated.html
Gates, G. J. (2011, April). How many people are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender?The Williams Institute. Retrieved from http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Gates-How-Many-People-LGBT-Apr-2011.pdf
Kirkham, L. (2015, September 21). Here’s Why We Need a Bisexual Awareness Week. Advocate. Retrieved from http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/9/21/heres-why-we-need-bisexual-awareness-week
Thorpe, J. R. (2014, September 23). A Brief History Of Bisexuality, From Ancient Greece and The Kinsey Scale To Lindsay Lohan. Bustle. Retrieved from http://www.bustle.com/articles/40282-a-brief-history-of-bisexuality-from-ancient-greece-and-the-kinsey-scale-to-lindsay-lohan
#bisexuality#bisexual community#lgbtq community#lgbtq#bi#support bisexuality#lgbtq pride#pride#bi tumblr#bisexuality is valid#bisexual#bi pride#bisexual nation#bisexual pride#bisexual education#bisexual youth#support bisexual people#bisexual men#respect bisexual people#bisexual rights#bisexual people#bisexual women
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Crystal Lake Shadows 18+ Only!
Masterlist
Approximately 1, 845 words
Pairing: Jason Voorhees x AMAB character
Warnings: Violence, strong language, strong sexual themes
A/n: I wanted to write a fic with a created character. This fic may not go anywhere as my life gets busy again but I like what I have done here so far and I hope to see it blossom and I hope you all want to see that too.
Chapter 1
A gentle breeze caressed the face of a scruffy looking man as the noon sun shimmered atop his thick black beard while he drove his pickup truck into the town of Crystal Lake. Sergio Lorry came to the town to make minor repairs to a small lodge that was recently bought by a private owner. Sergio was a jack of all trades craftsman who was extremely good at remodeling and repairing homes, he made his living travelling from town to town fixing up older homes and cabins.
The town of Crystal Lake was not well known to him, he grew up in a town a fair distance away called Forest City in Pennsylvania which did not have much of a population but made up for that with friendly townsfolk and gorgeous nature surrounding it. Sergio loved nature so when he got called for this job repairing a cabin on a lake he jumped at the opportunity. The drive was long and a numbness had taken over Sergio’s legs so he was eager to get out and stretch after he parked in front of an apartment complex with a small café nestled on the ground floor around the side; he was given free housing in the apartment building for the duration of his work here and the building looked like it was built in the late 70s with not much upgraded but nothing run down or unkempt. He walked up towards the double doors at the apartment lobby but they were locked “Now how the hell am I supposed to get to where the manager is?” he said. Sergio looked through the glass into the lobby and it was empty, he took out his phone and looked at the email the private buyer had sent him, the name they gave was just ‘Mrs.P’ and no phone number, the last email sent said to go to the apartment manager to get the key and she could be found in the lobby or in the café, Sergio huffed and said to himself “Cripes this better not have been a scam I swear to god” and with that statement he set out to the café lodged in the corner of the building.
The café was named ‘The Golden Apple’ and the inside was painted a warm pale yellow with white trim, it looked clean and the painted white wood chairs and tables added a rustic charm. Sergio walked up to the counter and looked around, there were two customers but he hadn’t seen a server anywhere so he asked the room “Sorry to bug you guys but do you know where the manager to the apartment is?” an older man sitting in the furthest corner of the café looked up at Sergio, his face was tan from the summer sun and his hair was grey and cut short, he began to speak “You aren’t bothering us son, the person you are looking for is Marina, she owns the apartment building and this café” he then looked over toward the kitchen area and yelled “MARINA! THAT NEW CARPENTER IS HERE!”. Sergio looked shocked, he asked the man “I guess word gets around in this town hey?”, the old man replies “Oh well there’s not too many of us left after all the hubbub at the campgrounds” Sergio raised an eyebrow and said “What hubbub? The cabin I’m working on is at the lake, is there something I should know?”, just before the old man could reply a woman’s voice picks up from behind the counter “Sweety don’t worry nothing has been going on around that lake for years and years”. A full-figured woman with unbelievable curves and heavy chest came out through the kitchen doors, her hair was bright red and curly and her light blue dress hugged her body with a clean white half apron cinching her waist; she peered through her glasses at Sergio and smiled “You must be Sergio, I have your apartment key for you in my office just let me get Bob’s pie” she spun around and went back through the doors to the kitchen. The old man sighed and said “Sorry son, I should have introduced myself. My name is Bob Deerling and I own the garage in town, so if you ever need a repair feel free to swing by”. Sergio smiled and took the business card Bob held out to him, a pie appeared under his arm followed up with “Woop just let me squeeze that in past ya there” Marina placed the food in front of Bob from behind Sergio, she then took her apron off and placed it near the register and said “Alright hun just follow me and I will get you all settled with the apartment”
The two walked towards the lobby entrance and Sergio asked “What um… hasn’t happened in years and years at the lake if you don’t mind me asking?” Marina sighed and replied “Well, don’t get freaked out or anything but there was a string of deaths…eh, murders, that occurred in and around the lake campgrounds for a while but the guy was killed and nothing has happened since 2009 so there’s nothing to worry about its very safe here”, Sergio was taken aback, he asked “Who was the killer?” Marina smirked a bit and reluctantly said “Jason Voorhees… now some of the nutty folk who live here think he’s still alive and he’s not! Its to the point where he’s become an urban legend like the sasquatch but he’s dead, HE IS DEAD OK?!” a long pause followed as Marina unlocked the lobby door, once the both of them got inside she began to speak “I’m sorry, its just that the murders have been a black mark on this town and no one ever comes by here anymore, keeping up in this economy is really tough when we have no tourists or hell even residents spending money… so you see its just… just don’t mention any of that crap to anyone in town ok?” Sergio shook his head in agreement and said “That’s fair, I will try to keep it to myself then, thanks for telling me”. Marina walked over to a front desk area and went in the back, unlocked a drawer and grabbed a key, she walked back over to Sergio and said “Here is the key to your door and the key to the lobby door as well, now I know that sounds strange but I just like to lock up when I am not in the apartment building and I expect you to do the same. No one else lives here anymore except me so you can be as loud as you like if you want, I am at the far-end of the hall upstairs if you need me” Sergio nodded and thanked her for the key, she gave a few other bits of information for his stay and promptly headed back to the café.
Sergio went to the truck and grabbed all his belongings and started bringing everything to his new living space, once all the bags were packed inside, he sat on the couch which smelled a bit dusty and he looked around. The apartment was decently sized, a living room with a TV, a full kitchen, a bathroom with a bathtub, an in-suite washer and dryer, and a large bedroom with a queen size bed and everything was fully furnished with mostly modern appliances but 90’s style furniture. Sergio sighed “Well at least it’s all free, if not a bit dusty”. The bathroom didn’t have any soap or towels and the kitchen was missing dish soap, along with a few other little essentials, he hung his head and said aloud “Ah shit I guess I need to go to the store” and with that he put on his shoes and headed down to the truck to get to the store.
The drive wasn’t even necessary since the grocery was just 2 blocks away from the apartment, the store was a small independent grocer which had a gas station right next to it on the same property, Sergio parked in the first stall and went in to start looking for his items. The store seemed so outdated and musty, all the items being new was such a flagrant clash of decades and it was off-putting. Once all the items were grabbed, he went up to the register where a chunky man stood reading a magazine with scantily clad women on the front, his head was shaved almost bald and he was pale and mean looking, like he used to be handsome but age claimed what was left of his youth. Sergio started placing his things on the counter and the man didn’t look up so Sergio cleared his throat, the man looked up at Sergio and said “Oh, sorry didn’t notice ya there lil guy” Sergio thought to himself little guy? I’m taller than him! The man started scanning the items and asked “Are you that carpenter dude whose s’posed to fix the shitty cabin on the lake?” Sergio replied “Yeah I am heading out tomorrow to see the damage” the cashier makes a coy smirk and huffs “Hmpf, I hope you aren’t a pussy” Sergio furrows his brow and says “Excuse me? It’s just a lake I am not scared of wild animals or urban legends” the cashier laughs and raises his eyebrows and says “Uh yeah it’s not the urban legends you need to worry about.” The man was being cryptic and it was getting on Sergio’s nerves, the cashier adds “The camp killer is still alive out there, I’ve fucking seen him, he’s huge and he lurks round the whole perimeter of the grounds there” he looked at Sergio waiting for a response but Sergio just glared, the man said “Well, since you aren’t a pussy, maybe he’ll spare your life haha” Sergio looked at the total on the screen and grabbed some cash and asked “What’s your name?” the man looked up at Sergio and said “Names Robert but you can call me Robbie, I own this store” Sergio started grabbing his items and replied “I’m Sergio, nice to meet you… I think” and headed out, Robbie yelled after him “You come back now y’hear? Hahaahahha!”.
Sergio got back to the apartment and lay on the bed looking up at the white popcorn ceiling that the glow of the sunset reflected onto, small gold flecks in the lumpy ceiling material sparkled and he thought to himself What have I got myself into? The people here are strange as hell and the story about that killer… I can’t believe it’s freaking me out, I am a man! Men aren’t supposed to fear anything… I’m not a fucking pussy… that asshole. The night stole the last ray of light from the sunset and Sergio got himself ready for bed, the day ahead of him was simultaneously frightening and exciting, what if the killer wasn’t dead? I better bring my pistol just in case.
#Jason Voorhees#Jason x male character#Friday the 13th#slasher community#Slasher headcannon#Camp crystal lake#gay fanfiction
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Look, as one of approximately seven people who actually saw Goncharov prior to it blowing up recently (College course had an extra credit movie night for 10% added to the final grade and no, it wasn’t worth it), I have to wonder if we’ve seen the same movie, because the actual movie was shit.
I mean, it was so bad that I half expected there to be a guy and two robots in the corner of the screen (sidebar, the Rifftrax makes this movie 250% more palatable).
Everyone’s going on and on about the themes as though it the fact that it’s trying to grapple them alone is enough. The intention is fine, the execution is horrible! The acting was so wooden that you could build a furniture showroom out of it, the set design was like a high school play, and the action scenes were a clusterfuck!
In the interest of fairness, the music slaps, but that almost makes the rest of the movie worse.
But the homoeroticism! The betrayals! The murder-suicide! Are you so starved for homoerotic content that you can look at that steaming mess and say it’s worth your time? Is that enough to sit through three and a half hours of garbage to get to it?
Or are you just looking at gifsets and choice quotes taken out of context and placed on Tumblr? Are you just looking at fan analyses and assuming that just because the movie grapples with complex themes, it’s a deep and compelling movie?
Bottom line, there was a reason nobody put this film on their resumes back in the day. You all deserve better than this.
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Bladder Pain Syndrome: Unraveling the Mystery
Introduction
Bladder Pain Syndrome, often referred to as interstitial cystitis, is a complex and enigmatic disorder affecting the urinary system. It presents with persistent pelvic pain, urgency, and discomfort, significantly impacting the quality of life for those affected. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll journey through the intricacies of BPS, shedding light on risk factors, potential causes, and evidence-based treatment strategies.
Risk Factors: Who Is at Risk?
1. Gender Disparities
BPS doesn’t discriminate, but it does exhibit a gender bias. Women are disproportionately affected, constituting approximately 90% of diagnosed cases. The reasons behind this disparity remain multifactorial, involving hormonal, anatomical, and immunological factors.
2. Age and the BPS Connection
While BPS can strike at any age, it most commonly surfaces between the third and fourth decades of life. The exact mechanisms linking age to BPS susceptibility are still under investigation, but hormonal fluctuations and cumulative bladder insults likely play a role.
3. Chronic Inflammation: A Culprit?
Chronic inflammation is a recurring theme in BPS. Conditions like autoimmune disorders, chronic infections, and inflammatory responses may set the stage for bladder hypersensitivity and pain. The immune system’s intricate dance within the bladder remains a subject of intense research.
4. Genetic Predisposition
Family history matters. If your great-aunt twice removed had BPS, you might be at a higher risk of bladder pain. Genetic variants related to bladder function and inflammation could contribute to familial clustering.
The Enigma of BPS: Possible Causes
1. Urothelial Dysfunction
The urothelium—the bladder’s protective lining—plays a pivotal role. When this delicate barrier falters, it exposes underlying nerves and triggers a cascade of inflammatory events. Imagine the urothelium as the guardian of bladder peace—a sentinel that sometimes falls asleep on duty.
2. Autoimmunity: Friend or Foe?
Some researchers suspect an autoimmune component. Picture immune cells mistakenly attacking the bladder tissue, like overzealous bouncers at a nightclub. The result? Chronic inflammation and pain.
3. Nerves Gone Awry
Neurogenic factors are intriguing suspects. Abnormal nerve signaling within the bladder could amplify pain perception. Think of it as a miscommunication between the bladder and the brain—an incessant game of telephone with faulty wires.
4. Hypersensitivity: The Bladder’s Overactive Alarm System
Bladder nerves on high alert! Even a drop of urine triggers a symphony of discomfort. Imagine your bladder as a hypersensitive artist—every sensation, every movement, amplified tenfold.
Navigating the Symptoms
1. The Pain Palette
Pelvic Pain: A dull ache, sometimes sharp, nestled deep within the pelvis. It’s like having a tiny goblin tap-dancing on your bladder.
Urgency: Your bladder screams, “Empty me NOW!” even when it’s barely half-full.
Painful Urination: Imagine a cactus slide—ouch!
Nocturnal Nudges: Frequent midnight bathroom rendezvous. Your bladder moonlights as an insomniac.
2. The Diagnosis Dance
Medical Sherlock Holmes: Your doctor takes a detailed history, examines you, and rules out impostors (like infections).
Cystoscopy: A tiny camera explores your bladder’s inner sanctum. It’s like sending a spelunker into a mysterious cave.
Treatment: Crafting a Symphony of Relief
1. Lifestyle Harmonies
Bladder-Friendly Diet: Farewell, caffeine and spicy foods! Say hello to soothing herbal teas.
Stress Management: Your bladder dislikes drama. Meditate, do yoga, or take up interpretive dance (just kidding).
2. Medications: The Orchestra Conductor
Pain Relievers: They hush the pain goblins.
Antispasmodics: Taming bladder spasms like a lion tamer.
Bladder Instillations: Think of it as a spa day for your bladder lining.
3. Physical Therapy: The Pelvic Floor Waltz
Strengthen those pelvic floor muscles. Imagine them doing a graceful waltz.
Kegels: Not just for pregnant ladies. Everyone can join the Kegel party.
4. Sacral Neuromodulation: Rewiring the Bladder Circuitry
Imagine a tech-savvy electrician rewiring your bladder’s neural network. Sacral neuromodulation involves implanting a tiny device near your sacral nerves. It’s like giving your bladder a smartphone with customizable settings. The goal? To recalibrate nerve signals and restore harmony.
5. Bladder Distention: Stretching the Limits
Picture your bladder as a resilient balloon. Under anesthesia, your urologist gently inflates it, stretching its capacity. It’s like yoga for your bladder—opening up space and easing discomfort.
6. Surgical Interventions: The Last Resort
Surgery isn’t the opening act; it’s the grand finale. When all else fails, consider:
Bladder Augmentation: Expanding your bladder using a piece of your intestine.
Urinary Diversion: Redirecting urine flow to a stoma (a surgically created opening).
Cystectomy: Removing the bladder entirely (reserved for severe cases).
Living with BPS: Navigating the Emotional Waters
1. The Invisible Battle
BPS isn’t just physical; it’s an emotional labyrinth. Imagine carrying a secret pain, invisible to the world. Friends may not understand why you decline that coffee invite or cancel plans. It’s okay—you’re fighting a silent war.
2. Support Networks: Allies in the Journey
Seek solace in support groups. Connect with fellow BPS warriors. Share stories, swap coping strategies, and find comfort in knowing you’re not alone. These virtual hugs matter.
3. Self-Care Rituals
Warm Baths: Your bathtub becomes a sanctuary. Epsom salts, bubbles, and soft music—your personal spa.
Mindfulness: Breathe. Focus on the present. Let go of worries about the past or future.
Journaling: Pour your heart onto paper. Document your triumphs, setbacks, and moonlit musings.
4. Advocacy and Education
Become your own advocate. Educate friends, family, and coworkers about BPS. Break the silence. Raise awareness. You’re not just a patient; you’re a teacher.
Conclusion
Bladder Pain Syndrome isn’t a solo performance; it’s a symphony. Each note—the pain, the resilience, the hope—contributes to the melody of your life. So, dear reader, embrace your unique composition. Seek professional guidance, find your tribe, and let your bladder sing its story.
Remember, you’re not defined by BPS; you’re defined by your courage to face it.
Disclaimer: This blog post is for informational purposes only and should not replace professional medical advice. Always consult a healthcare provider for personalized recommendations.
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200th place
200th place goes to character 128, aka π (pi) from Mathematics (as in half a circle of radius 1)!
Propaganda: My character has been around for ages. We've realised from the start what a gem we were given, but we keep finding out more and more about them and getting to know them better. Still, we're aware we can never know them completely and will never be able to look at the entirety of them. So we have to resort to symbols and approximations when speaking of them. People still get obsessed with figuring them out. There are full-blown tournaments of who can find out more about the character. Since they are so multifaceted, it is also possible to find almost any characteristic, you'd like to coin on them, somewhere in their never-ending depths - Granted, you still have to go with their general theme, but then it's probably possible to find yourself or anyone else in there. After what I've told you, it might come as a surprise, that they're actually not complex, when it comes down to it. But they do act irrationally and they seem to always go around in circles. Still, they are super important for their franchise and even people who are not in the fandom have usually heard of them. There are also a number of other franchises, movies or books, that have drawn inspiration from this character or even mentioned them specifically. I mean, I get it. They fascinate us because they always remain just a touch mysterious, even to scholars of the character. And they're beautiful! Especially when put in the right situations they start to shine and often their mere appearance renders problems simple and solvable. They're truly a powerful character.
In round 1, poll #43, it received 33 votes out of 137, or 24.1%.
In round L1, poll #39, it received 63 votes out of 93, or 67.7%.
And in round L2, poll #60, it received 15 votes out of 32, or 46.9%.
So in all, it received 111 votes out of 262, or 42.4%.
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#EmployeeRights#GrindrResignations📱#ModernWorkforceDebate#ReturnToOfficeDilemma💼#UnionPower#WorkplaceChanges
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So I have begun reading the infamous 2010s webcomic Homestuck.
A memo (ugh, word ruined) of me, and vocalizing my thoughts, at what, around page 2680 or something currently 4122. Published for venting my own insanity for the greater un-good.
KEY NOTES
PSS: Past Shiranai San
CSS: Current Shiranai San
___
CSS: And this isn't even ironic, I just lost my mind one night and wrote half this draft and then proceeded to read 2000 more pages like 2 weeks later and I cannot let PSS's thoughts die for the sake of making a cohesive post. If you don't want to read, TLDR; Shit is WACK. I'm loving it, all is well.
If you do, take a gander at the read more section. Also, obviously, spoilers.
PSS: I sit here on the edge of finishing the second act of the fifth act of Homestuck.
Approximately a fourth of the way done and questioning myself what madness I have found myself swept away in.
Floating at the top of a mammoth-ian wave. Not my first, when reading. As I have been washed onto many waves. Floating in a vast sea, as one act brings me down one wave and onto another. Like I'm riding an aquatic rollercoaster.
As quoted from Kanye West's song Dark Fantasy, can we get much higher?
PSS: In every piece of media, there is a suspension of disbelief that comes when partaking in media. For the past month I have hung my disbelief on my wall next to my 2016 Artistic Cat Calendar.
How higher can we go though? I mean truly? Perhaps it is my own hubris that I cannot visualize the true complexities that come from Green Sun-Paradox Clone-Troll Romance-Multiple Timeline deli levels of baloney.
And I can't even be mad as I slip into this whirlpool of time paradoxes and too much Charles Dutton.
Because I love it!
PSS: I'm enthralled in the ever looping structure of the story. Where, every moment in every character's life exists to perpetuate SBURB/SGRUB. Including their own existence-
CSS: Current Shiranai here, taking over the post. While my past self has made a compelling argument. She did however forget the ever important fact that the most extreme macaroni will happen in any Alpha timeline. Rookie mistake, but it's not something I'd expect from someone with only ~2000 pages under their belt. Her trespasses will be ignored.
In any case, yes, it has been a long ride, similarly to Ernest Hemingway's The Old Man and The Sea. With this post being the marlin I have strung to my boat.
My belief as to why I have been so captivated to Homestuck so far is because it truly is a coming of age story which deals with themes (so far, because I haven't finished it yet) of loss, crossing cultural boundaries, friendship, love, hatred, and questioning the aspect of your self will vs what was always fated to happen. Also a lot of war and genocide.
...A lot.
CSS: But instead of taking in these classical themes as the usual audience, a bunch of plucky tweens and teenagers from the 2010s, I get to experience it in the foresight of a young adult with the consistency of leftover Papier-mâché.
CSS: If I had to generalize my experience so far. Reading Homestuck has been a lot like watching a group of middle-schoolers take place in the world's worst emotional hacky-sack game. Where every kick, one middle schooler flies a felt ball into emotional heights. Only for it to face plant into the ground of heartbreak. As half break down into tears and the other half memes about 90s sitcoms. Until one of them gets so fed up with the game that he saws the floor and 2/3s of the game's population in two with a chainsaw.
Which then accelerates to dealing with matters-beyond-human-comprehension, as well as ascension to god-hood as a way of fighting off an omnipresent being. Until the fourth wall literally supernovas into the main plot through banner art as I sit in History 101 with Professor Scratch.
CSS: It's just a lot and I've been having a lot of fun with it.
#homestuck#rants n rambles#this is insanity#shira-isms#talking to myself#tumblr is just the medium I'm documenting my slide into insanity#you might not under any of this#and thats okay!#post for me#but you can read it too
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The U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) has under review a draft revision of its 2012 resilience policy for fragile and conflict environments. As reported in the OECD’s “States of Fragility 2022,” fragility has been rising in recent years and is present across a diversity of country contexts. Of the 60 countries identified as fragile, 23 are low-income, and 33 are middle-income. Approximately half of the more than 100 countries in which USAID operates are on the list, highlighting that resilience should be at the core of the agency’s operating procedures.
Principles of resilience
The draft policy sets out seven principles for resilience:
These seven principles represent not just good practice for building resilience, but good practice for development. It is noteworthy that one of those principles puts USAID in sync with the OECD’s 2022 report on fragility, the theme of which is bringing coherence to the humanitarian-development-peace complex.
There are a handful of topics that deserve further elaboration in the draft, but one rises to the level of being an eighth principle—donor coordination and collaboration.
Donor Coordination: The draft includes references to coordination, but principally to coordination among U.S. government agencies and with local partners. This coordination is important, but equally critical is coherence among donor policies and programs. The United States cannot advance development globally or in a country acting alone. The alternative—coordination among donors—needs to be at the center of donor efforts. Without question, donor coordination is easier to commit to than to execute, as each donor has its own priorities and complexity of operating procedures and requirements. But there are mechanisms for overcoming those difficulties: construct donor programs around a recipient country’s development strategy (as happens with education through the Global Partnership); collaborate around a country-led platform, as recommended in the seminal USIP report “Preventing Extremism in Fragile States“; put funding in another donor program that is working well (as UK Aid is doing with the USAID-funded TAPAS e-procurement program in Ukraine).
As the largest contributor of ODA, the U.S. can lead by example in donor coordination on account of the impact it can have by the way it operates. For example, over a 20-year period in Afghanistan, the U.S. contributed to multi-donor trust funds like the Afghanistan Reconstruction Trust Fund (ARTF). The ARTF, administered by the World Bank, implemented the largest national programs on health, education, and community development. ARTF’s role was crucial in providing budget support to the government and instrumental in building systems, one of the principles of resilience policy. The U.S. participation in the fund helped keep donor priorities in line with those of the ARTF. Such platforms are especially critical in fragile environments and during periods of political and economic shocks where domestic structures fail to coordinate donor efforts.
However, lessons learned from past experiences and the implementation of frameworks such as the “New Deal for Engagement in Fragile States” advocated by g7+ countries highlight the challenges of donor coordination. For Afghanistan (a member of g7+), aligning international development cooperation with government priorities, ownership, and achieving effective aid delivery was an ongoing concern. Despite international commitments to align ODA with government programs, according to a donor cooperation report by the Afghan government, the actual practice fell short, resulting in a financial gap in delivering government priorities. There was a lack of consensus as to what alignment with government priorities meant, leaving discretion to individual donors and sometimes the priorities of their constituencies. These challenges underscore the need for continued efforts to improve coordination and alignment between donors and recipient countries in order to achieve the goals of development cooperation and to move from statements to actual measurable practices.
Topics deserving further elaboration
Trust: The draft should provide greater attention to the triad of trust, politics, and social dynamics in a country. The lack of trust by the citizens of a country in the government and institutions is more often than not at the core of fragility. Fragility reflects a breakdown in the social contract between a people and the government, which, to be rebuilt, requires government leaders and agencies to listen and respond to the grievances and hopes of citizens. Too often donors design programs that are technically proficient but irrelevant or even counterproductive because they ignore the political and social contexts in a country.
Without a doubt, this was likely a core problem with much of the billions of assistance that donors poured into attempting to bring stability to Afghanistan. The Ministry of Finance data in 2018 showed that only 33 percent of total grants to Afghanistan were on-budget. This created a relationship gap between national and local authorities, and between government and citizens, in the delivery of services and so failed to strengthen trust by means of the social contract between people and government.
Risk: Donors must take greater risks and be more innovative. In fragile environments, donors are operating in an “unknown environment complicated by unexpected changes”—due to the difficulty in comprehending the underlying political and social foundations of a country and the frequently altering dynamics. Change is difficult and complicated in fragile environments and requires donors to take steps beyond the “true and tested” approaches or just work with new partners. The draft policy appropriately raises adaptability to the level of a key principle, as donor programs must tack with changing circumstances and move with agility away from efforts failing to produce results.
Sustained engagement: Building resilience and stability requires going beyond the typical donor timeframe of two-to-five years. It is a 20-25-50-year process requiring sustained, focused engagement. Progress is never linear and requires sustained donor support over the long haul. The predictability of external support is crucial for long-term development planning. Case in point: unpredictable resources limited Afghanistan’s ability to create multi-year programs and budgets. Donors would make four-year funding commitments, but yearly obligations often failed to fulfill those commitments and ignored Afghanistan’s budget cycle.
Managing partnerships: The draft policy does not address a key challenge in fragile environments—how to engage and how to manage relations with partners who may be unstable, have questionable commitment to reform, and in whom the donor does not have full confidence.
Private sector: Consistent with the World Bank’s “Strategy for Fragility, Conflict, and Violence 2020-2025,” which posits that “the private sector lies at the center of sustainable development model in fragile-conflict-violence settings,” the draft policy asserts that local and international business can play an important role in the transition to economic growth and stability. But the draft policy does not explain USAID��s specific role, and how it can help lay the groundwork for private sector investment. This requires work at the macroeconomic level and in building supportive systems, and at the transaction level. This is an arena in which collaboration is essential. USAID needs to join its resource and capabilities with those of other agencies, specifically the DFC, that are engaged in mobilizing development finance.
Small-to-scale: As articulated in the 2018 “Stabilization Assistance Review,” projects should start small, essentially in a test phase, and be scaled up only upon proof-of-concept. This approach applies in any development context (not just in fragile environments), requires ongoing feedback and adaptive management, and is best understood in the roadmap provided by Ann Mei Chang in “Lean Impact.”
Flexibility and innovation: Service delivery and locally-led development require innovative approaches in conflict environments. The Community Development Councils (CDCs) in Afghanistan are a successful example of how service delivery through locally-led platforms can build trust between people and government for 18 years. Studies show that CDCs have been more efficient in delivering emergency response, operating in areas under the Taliban control during the republic; as well as provision of basic infrastructure at a lower cost and up to international benchmarks. The CDCs were capacitated and coordinated by the government to ensure ownership and efficiency. While monitoring of education and health services has been successful, delivery of agriculture programs proved challenging.
From projects to programs: The U.S. and the Afghan government launched a unique effort to review the U.S. civilian assistance in Afghanistan. It was a major step in information sharing with the host country about the nature of off-budget assistance. A major finding from the government side was that a shift from projects (the U.S. was administering 155 projects) to programs was needed to achieve development goals and improve efficiency and coordination.
Conclusion
The need for greater resilience is present in all countries—those that are extremely poor, emerging countries, and even wealthy nations. But the need varies depending on contexts that are specific to each country. The policies laid out in the draft resilience update represent best practices and need only minor additions and elaboration. Whatever the details of the final policy, resilience should drive USAID’s programs in all countries and serve to inform the policies and programs of other U.S. government agencies and other donors.
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Inferiority complex as a kid, adolescent and emerging adult
Yours truly (an amazingly,
gracefully, and markedly modest
passively aging baby boomer -
formerly introverted long haired
pencil necked geek),
prattling wordsmith doth behold
nostalgic memories regarding father
(Boyce Brandon Harris)
long ago lapsed decades
during papa's prime time
many years past when complacence
existed about joie de vivre,
and considerations about mortality irrelevant,
where soothsayers promised
our family staying alive for eternity
few and far between instances found me
acting, exhibiting, illustrating brazenly bold
behavior, said rare spontaneity
the exception versus the rule,
hence following poem crafted
an endearment to those who begat me,
resorted to discipline, but NO spanking
ever since mama did cherish her little boy
scores of years before she passed away
at her death hands went limp and cold
as a shy lad his maternal and paternal parents
their virtues he extolled
contrary, now healthy sexagenarian
born of sturdy genetic mettle
rumor claims I suckled magic potion,
cuz courtesy to preventative medicine
mother followed advice
of one Carlton Fredericks,
renown radio commentator
and writer on health and nutrition
ne'er did mine lovely bones buckle,
even when skinny body crushingly embraced
into loving maternal fold,
without doubt mama adored motherhood
and brood of three offspring
harmonized, memorialized, pampered...
the hardworking de facto breadwinner
late twenty something handsome groom fêted
born April 9th, nineteen twenty nine,
Brooklyn fortune teller travails foretold,
when the late Harriet Harris, not so gold
din as totally bewitched, she gamely evinced
controlling authoritarian versus
crooning, marveling, and warbling
regarding once "little monkey" - me,
which pet name no longer applied
shucked off brought to abrupt halt
as yours truly grew up,
and decried childhood's end
I experienced objection to thwart growing up,
and latched unto anorexia nervosa
countless moons ago,
when I biologically, emotionally,
intellectually, and sexually transitioned
into socially withdrawn young man,
once indomitable omnipotent
mother/son bond ex post facto lost hold,
where once applicable theme
exemplifying Harris household
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay
dramatically, markedly plummeting
formerly measurable appreciable tolerance,
similarly short tempered patriarch
( ~6'2” ~ 200 lbs at prime)
over any five members,
especially toward singular male offspring
timid, meek, and demure (effeminate) me,
essentially ruled the roost
regarding Harris household
sole son characterized vis a vis
presented passive resistant
outward nonestablishmentarian mold
worst case scenario
would hypothetically witness
Matthew Scott Harris
spending longevity old and feeble minded
at 324 Level Road
outliving parents, pets
(comprising inordinate
number of dust bunnies) and siblings,
both caring and concerned girls
(an older and younger sister),
the latter whose globetrotting exploits I envied,
nevertheless yours truly
speculatively imagined himself
to have outlived anyone polled
even Methuselah, where mein kampf
blissful, fanciful, nouveau poet
nearly long forgotten boyhood charade,
facade inlaid masquerade
analogously crumbled like broken scaffold
attaining centenarian years old -
faintly maintaining umbilical stronghold
considerably surpassing mommy dearest,
born November 13th, nineteen thirty five,
yet moments before her passing
she barely audibly apologized
for occasions she did reprimand and scold
retaliated against grim reaper,
he whisked her diseased riddled body away
after completing approximately
seventy plus orbits, all told.
I experienced interminable
relentlessly psyche burning acrid
tormenting, teasing, and talking funny
bullying vulnerability compounded amid
courtesy of split uvula set me apart
alien as a Druid livingsocial
during latter half of twentieth
and first two plus decades
of twenty first century
rather a speech pathologist
informed legal biological guardians
regarding Lancaster Cleft Palate Clinic
minor congenital defect when
attending sixth grade at
Henry Kline Boyer Elementary
i.e., submucous cleft palate, aforesaid
whereby every day akin getting scorched
by some "NON FAKE" ironclad grid
me, this twangy nasal kid
my undersized and socially
withdrawn demeanor contributing
to existence tumultuous and turbid.
Extreme shyness demeanor
did heavily exhibit
as if burdened with a yoke
linkedin with anatomical diminutiveness
punctuated with aforementioned
pinched nose adenoidal sound,
quite obvious when I infrequently spoke
conveniently availed himself
as cannon fodder i.e. scapegoat to bullies
as a socially withdrawn pre/
post pubescent slowpoke.
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Act math practice test
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Hi, I just found your blog and I love it! I have nevere laugh so hard thanks to chewku and I started reading some of your others AUs. Can I ask you if you'd like to continue a bit the Gray Apprentice AU? The one with Obi-Wan both a sith and a jedi? Pretty please? I would love to see hin and Maul bicker for everything but then they form a brotherly bond and Maul gets adopted by Lord Zannah.
Okay, thank you SO much for reminding me that this AU exists because I love it very dearly (to the point where at one point I was starting to write full-on scenes and stashing them in a word doc for later). You can ABSOLUTELY have a bit of the Grey Apprentice AU
-
Obi-Wan, unlike his master, isn't really one for sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. During tenure as Qui-Gon's apprentice, he's had a firsthand view of what results from judicious snooping, which is mostly messes that he’s had to help clean up, and that has never endeared him towards the practice, but this is different. This is more than justified. After all, it’s not often that one gets to look at a rival Sith’s ship, especially when that rival Sith is trussed up in the hold like a Takodana chicken on a festival day.
Unfortunately, Maul’s ship is disappointing. Obi-Wan has long done away with his notions of Sith caves and fortresses dripping with filth and darkness, but he’d at least been expecting something more interesting than a closet full of black tunics and half a burrito wrapped up in the fridge. There should at least be some weapons— a few poisons, maybe, or a cursed pike if he’s lucky; Sith tend towards backups, and that extends to weapons as well as plans.
He frowns, looking around the hallway. He’s checked all the places he would hide things— inside the engine’s wiring, behind a second fake panel that is itself behind a wall panel, and even in the vents (though those are fairly obvious, and therefore a last resort)— but he hasn’t found anything. Obi-Wan reaches out with his senses, calling for the Dark in the hopes that the Sith-blessed weapons will call back, but there isn’t any response; the entire ship is peaceful, almost blank.
Obi-Wan slaps a hand to his forehead, swearing. He’s been looking at this as though Maul is a fallen Jedi. Of course he’s not going to bother hiding the weapons carefully, he’s just going to mask them with the Force. Instead of looking for where they are, Obi-Wan should be looking for where they aren’t.
He reaches out with the Force again, and finds several deeply suspicious blank spots. Obi-Wan grins. Perfect.
Which is, of course, the moment Maul has to wake up and start making noise. Obi-Wan sighs. That’s the trouble with kidnapping people. They never let you look over their things in peace.
By the time he gets to the hold, Maul is screaming (presumably with rage, though the bindings, physical and Force-created, are keeping him from moving even his face). It’s a rather funny scene— it’s always amusing to watch someone used to having power suddenly have access to none of it. It’s the panic, really, sort of like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow. “Hello there.”
Maul, predictably, screams.
“You know you’re just going to damage your vocal chords if you keep at that,” Obi-Wan says, undoing the bindings on Maul’s face, mouth and lips included. “Can we have a civil conversation now?”
“I will defeat you, Jedi,” Maul hisses, eyes blazing with fury. “You will know the pain of my saber as your flesh is rent apart.”
“Haven’t we already been through this?” Obi-Wan sighs. “I defeated you on Tatooine. You can’t seriously be expecting a do-over.”
“I will tear you limb from limb. I will break every bone in your body, and feed the splinters into your muscle. I will pierce your skin with one thousand needles, crush your brain inside your skull. I will—”
Obi-Wan gives him a flat look. “You’ll do nothing until I undo your bindings, which isn’t going to happen if you keep up with that.”
“My master will come for me.” Maul’s eyes are filled with such fervor that Obi-Wan almost feels bad for him.
“Maul,” Obi-Wan says, looking at him with a sincerity he hopes displays how utterly stupid he thinks it is that they have to have this conversation, “do you really think your master cares if you live or die?”
“I will tear your beating heart from your chest, rip your spine through your back—”
“Yes, yes,” Obi-Wan says, “we’ve been through this. I’m sure you know many ways to kill me gruesomely.” He huffs. “I mean, fuck’s sake, he’s already grooming a new apprentice. He won’t be finished cooking for another year or two, but you’ve not got more than a couple months before your replacement waltzes in and kills you.”
“I have no replacement,” Maul growls.
Obi-Wan wants to feel cheered that Maul has stopped issuing death threats, but the murderous intent gathering around the other man is somewhat dampening his triumph. “Yes, you do.”
Maul opens his mouth, but before he can argue, Obi-Wan continues.
“He’s been laying a trail, you know. Your killing my master was supposed to be the final straw for him to finally immerse himself in the darkness. Of course,” Obi-Wan adds, not very contrite, nor inclined to fake it, “he was then supposed to track you down in a little while, and kill you— for the light, of course. All that would be left then is the sacrifice.”
“You lie,” Maul spits.
“No,” Obi-Wan says, exasperated, “I don’t, and I know you know that because I can feel you listening to the Force to check. Sidious is going to do away with you, sooner rather than later, and you’re not prepared to face him.”
Maul’s eyes widen, the implications finally settling in.
“Work with me,” Obi-Wan offers. “Help me kill him before he can get rid of you.”
“This is a trick— you want me to give away my secrets, to betray my master, to turn us against each other to take us down.”
“Well, yes, that was the general idea.”
Maul’s expression doesn’t change, suspicion still clouding his features beyond all else.
“I’m offering you the chance to save your life,” Obi-Wan adds, gentler.
“Very well.” Maul grits his teeth. “But know this, Jedi, after we have disposed of him, I will come for you and your master, and I will make you watch as I kill him.
Obi-Wan rolls his eyes, disgusted. “Banites.”
#fun fact!#this is the tumblr au that's most likely to get turned into a fic by me#I did have most of it plotted at one point but I forgot to write it down#still—#fun premise#easy-yet-satisfying romance#lots of quips#and approximately half a complex theme#it's the polar opposite of what I'm working on right now and it'd be a really fun next big project#we'll see#grey apprentice au#willow's aus#star wars#star wars au#sith au#sith!obi wan#darth maul#asks#sarcasticamaleont
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HALFWAY HOME - Presentation Post (2022)
The night Shlee hatches in the trunk of a skycar, an asari watches and cries. She promises he will survive, at all and every cost. Shlee believes her. He stomachs the resentment of his alien sisters forced into hiding with him, and dreams about the stars.
But the Milky Way is vast, swirling; painfully interwoven. And when Shlee begins to wonder who he is, who he should be, and what secrets keep this fragile galaxy from splitting apart, perhaps it's already too late.
----
Shlee T’selvi, a young salarian raised by asaris in secret, reckons with the complex circumstances of his birth and why he represents a threat to the brittle politics of the galaxy in the looming shadow of the Reaper invasion.
Halfway Home is a fan fiction of approximately 174k words based on the space-opera video game trilogy Mass Effect. This story has been crafted with the intent to be understandable by fans as well as people who never interacted with the original material. While most of the story happens during the run of the trilogy (Mass Effect 1, Mass Effect 2 and half of Mass Effect 3 to be exact), Shlee’s story only loosely connects to Commander Shepard’s, and hopes to focus on the universe with a different lens.
It is a Gen fic, with an Explicit rating.
Halfway Home explores themes of identity, community, violence, and connection, and take them from the Citadel Tower’s secrets all the way to Omega’s fragile hold on galactic power. It attempts to depict perspectives the original trilogy didn’t always consider: batarians and their brutal and systematic dismantlement, salarians in conflict with themselves, the sudden rise of humanity assessed from alien eyes, Aria T’loak and those she sacrificed; and at heart, the societal dysfunction that the Reaper War merely revealed.
This is a coming of age, a mystery, a character exploration. It is also a very rough tale that touches on difficult and painful topics, sometimes in explicit details (I highly encourage you to read the list of trigger warnings if this is something that worries you, because these are not a joke).
This is the first part of the Halfway Homes series, and will be weekly published, starting in November 2022, on Archive of our Own.
(YOU CAN READ IT HERE NOW)
----
▪ The Process ▪
I have been working on this story since 2015; early September, to be exact. It’s been my companion ever since; sometimes, it’s been my only companion. The story and characters helped me through very dark times, to the point where I’m not sure I would be here today without it; it also taught me how to write in English, which incidentally landed me a job in my career of choice and allowed me the immense privilege of becoming a professional storyteller in the videogame industry.
I always owe so much to my projects, but this one is special. It stayed with me the longest, and potentially saw me growing the most. And while I would hardly say this story is perfect, far from it, I think it has finally attained the form it always wanted to achieve. It’s saying what it had been wanting to say. And given I believe that art is first and foremost about communication, I think I can, cautiously, call this attempt a success?
The process is not completely done yet. I am still waiting for one last small round of beta reading, to make sure I did fix the things and didn’t cause 25 critical errors in the process; I also want to give this project the highest possible chance to shine, and so I’ll be drawing a ton and work on visuals to accompany it all. But it feels insane, after 7 years of work, to look at a project and not being quite sure what to fix. I’m sure there are things worth tweaking (especially surface-level, like line edits, typos, small clarity issues still lingering, or my bold refusals to ignore the English form sometimes), but I can’t think of any right now. This never happened before. This feels wild.
I was also delighted to discover I am not sick to death with Mass Effect, these characters and this personal take on the universe! I am thrilled to be keep on working on the follow-ups. The Empire of Preys, the second part of the Halfway Homes series, is well underway, and it’s going great so far. I am very optimistic that I can publish it somewhere in 2024 given my rate of writing and how seamless the process is going right now (contrary to Halfway Home, which is one Frankenstein monster of a project). TEoP is, overall, a much more pleasant and less desperate project than Halfway Home ever was, which makes it less difficult to handle (let me tell you that HH has some *interesting* scenes to grammar check…..)
Either way, I am so happy to finally be (mostly) putting Halfway Home to rest, present my weird, messy, problematic child to the world of Tumblr dot com, and prepare for finally letting it run free in Ao3 this coming November.
My ask box is always opened for any follow-up questions or remark, and I wish you all the very, very best.
Here's the complete list of all Trigger Warnings for the series. Please check it out if you suffer from traumatic stress disorders, and always take care of yourself. <3
#mass effect#fanfiction#halfway home#shlee#khocress#my writing#salarians#the empire of preys#salarian#I am Basically Done#it doesn't feel true#draft 4 locked#just one more and then it's forever locked#;_;
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Analysis of the “Fundy’s Mind” Stream: A Showcase of Repressed Memories and Repressed Insecurities
i. INTRODUCTION
Hi! This is going to be… something. Funny how I focus on this rather than my research homework, but I have a MASSIVE Fundy brain rot right now and I’d love to share my thoughts on Fundy’s newest stream. Fair warning, I am not the Messiah, so don’t take everything as fact. I’m open to constructive and objective discussions in replies or in DM’s, so feel free to hmu!
All of this is /dsmp and /rp by the way!
Heavy trigger warnings for derealization, parental neglect, neglect in general, self-deprecation, self-neglect, low self-esteem, death, manipulation, abandonment, loneliness, trust issues, torture mention, blood mention, and broken friendships.
Word Count: Approximately 10k.
ii. PRE-LIVESTREAM ASPECTS
Before we begin deep diving into the mind of Fundy, I do want to emphasize two major themes of this stream: 1.) Fundy’s insecurities, especially when it comes to abandonment and trust, and 2.) Fundy’s future predicting abilities. A ton (but not all) of statements uttered by the books and Fundy himself tend to have double meanings that apply to both of these themes.
We can further discuss the future predicting powers later, but to give a little background on Fundy’s insecurities: Fundy is notorious for heavily depending his self-worth on the recognition other people give him. Despite his immaturity, a lot of Fundy’s character is rooted in being heavily underestimated. This could be observed during the Pet Wars when his safety was constantly being threatened by Sapnap, inevitably making him lose a duel against him. Another way we can see this is through Wilbur’s early treatment of Fundy where he constantly infantilized him because Wilbur believed Fundy was a child incapable of being independent. This caused Fundy to appeal a lot to any type of compliment from any person- it began with Quackity ensuring him that he will gift him a lot of cookies if he votes SWAG2020, then to Schlatt complimenting him to the point that Fundy almost gave up on spying and siding with Pogtopia, then to the Butcher Army where he unhesitantly followed Tubbo and Quackity’s lead no matter how many times they made fun of him. While he revels in any type of recognition given, oftentimes, those who seem to care for Fundy tend to leave after he grows attached to them; first with Wilbur, then Niki, then Schlatt, then Eret and Phil, then Tubbo, Ranboo, and Quackity. In the Dream SMP, Fundy is very lonely and has dealt with abandonment issues left and right, but typically, he never does anything with his loneliness, as the last time he lashed out against someone who left him, nothing positive really came out of it (this is when he got mad at Ghostbur).
(Everything else is under the cut! I worked so hard on this, so please read it if you can, it’d mean a lot!)
So, with all that laid out, I want you to keep this all in mind as it is important for understanding why Fundy feels the way he does in the stream.
Now, let’s begin the analysis. First off, I believe it is important to denote the title and the tags of the stream. The stream is titled “Fundy’s Mind”, so we have to denote that this isn’t merely a dream sequence- the stream is meant to explore the complexity of Fundy’s mind. This includes his thoughts, insecurities, repressed memories, and so on and so forth. Additionally, the stream is tagged “Permadeath”, something different from what Fundy typically tags his streams. There is no clear explanation as to what this could mean, but the possibilities are:
It is hinting that the death system in the Dream SMP could be rigged, and someone is messing with the semantics of death and how it works.
It is hinting that someone will face a permanent death, and most fingers are pointed at Fundy as this is his stream. If not a permanent death, he might at least lose one of his canon lives which was hinted later on in the stream (will discuss later).
It is hinting that he was killed by the end of the dream. Not really a solid theory as we don’t actually know the repercussions of killing someone who is actively dreaming, but it is a possibility.
iii. PROLOGUE
A thing to question at the beginning of the stream is if the entire introduction was part of the dream or not. Seeing how Fundy has the same inventory from this to the next scene, it is plausible, but I don’t think it provides anything if it were a dream.
Anyway, other things to denote are Fundy’s hotbar! First noticeable thing would be the 38 baked potatoes. The website angelnumber.org explains that 38 means:
“The combination of these two numbers makes the number 38 a number which signifies joy and optimism, courage, finding creative ways to materialize abundance, reality, etc.
The essence of the number 38 in numerology are different kind of relationships, such as romantic ones, business partnerships, teamwork, cooperation, diplomacy, etc.
Number 38 people have a talent for dealing with people in a caring and creative way. They are born team-workers. They need interaction with other people to fully enjoy their lives. They are usually optimistic and have a gift of inspiring others to action.”
So far, the number 38 is viewed to be positive. It signifies financial success and cooperativeness, which is interesting if Fundy’s future arc potentially ties to working with Quackity. To further add onto symbolisms regarding success, dreamastromeanings.com says the following:
“If you dreamed of baking or roasting potatoes, that dream is a good sign. It usually indicates your finances increasing over time.
Possibly you have made some investments and now you are beginning to reap the fruits of your efforts and risky activities.”
or,
“If you dreamed of holding a potato in your hand, that dream is a bit of a warning. You might soon receive some lucrative opportunity, possibly work related.
It is advisable to think fast and accept it because you might not get a second chance.
It could also indicate that you are a bit lazy when it comes to taking chances and missing opportunities because of that.”
Both explanations refer to business opportunities and possible investments. If we combine both the explanation for the number 38 and carrying potatoes, we can assume that Fundy will be receiving a business opportunity that would be too good to miss. These explanations also imply that nothing too negative would occur, but instead, Fundy can achieve success through this business opportunity. The only arcs in the Dream SMP which I think could provide a business opportunity would either be 1.) a new warden at the prison, 2.) new member at Snowchester (low odds), but the most likely occurrence would be 3.) Quackity offers him a position at Las Nevadas. With the Quackity smiley face at the end of Fundy’s stream, we can safely believe that the job opportunity at Las Nevadas would be the most likely occurrence.
Another explanation for this is that because the 38 potatoes were brought from the seemingly real world, it could possibly pertain to something that had already happened in the past. This could possibly allude to L’Manberg, especially when the explanations behind 38 potatoes are presented to be more positive, something the current Las Nevadas arc isn’t.
Second thing to notice about the hotbar: Fundy is currently at level 5, with his EXP bar 1/18 filled. To reach level 5, one has to gain 55 EXP, and to reach level 6, one would need to gain an extra 17 EXP. If the bar is merely 1/18 filled, 1/18 of 17 would be 0.94, which when rounded off, is 1. Add 1 to the extra 55, and we would approximately get 56 EXP. The website angelnumber.org says the following:
“The number 56 symbolizes teamwork, coexistence, family, relationships, adventure and expression of freedom.
Number 56 people have diverse interests, some of which they have an in-depth knowledge of and some just general understanding.
They try different approaches in relationships, trying to keep them alive. If everything they’ve tried fails, they simply walk to another relationship.”
This could mean a lot of things. The second sentence could imply that Fundy doesn’t fully comprehend the complexity of his mind. Some parts, he may understand, some, he does not at all. This could imply that there are also more secrets hiding in his mind that we couldn’t get to see. The third sentence is more interesting as Fundy’s entire character arc involves him and his broken relationships with other people. It’s a quite accurate description of Fundy, describing how he desperately tries anything to make a relationship work, and if it fails, he could easily befriend other people even if there is a possibility that that relationship would fail like the previous.
If we ignore the number of EXP, we can merely focus on the number 5, which means the following:
“When angels are sending you number 5, they want to encourage you to have hope and to be ready to accept all the changes that are coming. Also, if number 5 has appeared just at the moment when you have been thinking about something important in your life, this number could be the answer or the solution for your problems. You should pay attention to number 5 and think of its secret meanings.
If number 5 keeps appearing by your side, it means that changes are already happening in your life. If they have not happened yet, don’t worry. They are on the way and you will feel them in the next couple of days or weeks.”
This can be connected to both the EXP number and the stream as a whole as Fundy begins to accept the gravity of his abandonment issues instead of suppressing his negative feelings towards it. Throughout the stream, Fundy is shown rejecting the idea that he is being neglected by others, but by the second half of the stream, he rejects it less and less. This could be the change the explanation is referring to as Fundy realizing his negative feelings towards his abandonment issues are valid and he needs to take them more seriously rather than brushing them aside.
With number symbolisms finally aside, we can begin analyzing the actual sequences! Fundy is seen to be approaching his “Not A Secret” Base with a sigh, asking chat if they can go to sleep so that he can go to sleep too. Fundy immediately doubts the possibility of the others in the server following through his request until Ranboo responds with a simple “okay” while Niki responds with “yiss, am asleep”. Fundy quickly flashes the members list on the screen, showing us that only Niki and Ranboo are online on the server before he showcases his new bed, claiming that he likes it.
Two interesting notes about this: 1.) he decides to sleep, which is odd enough in the Dream SMP, and 2.) him having three new beds despite only using one of them. For the first point, I’d like to refer you to what Fundy said at around 26:08:
“I just gotta sleep and then, it’s gonna disappear! And then everyone is gonna appear out of a bush and they’re gonna be ‘Surprise!’, and I’m gonna be like, ‘You guys…! You’re always pranking me, you’ve always been there for me. Every single time… except sometimes… when I needed you the most.’ I just go to bed, I just go to bed, and none of this ever happened.”
While I understand that he is referring to the dream, I also believe that this statement would be one of those types I mentioned earlier that may have a double meaning. While “I just go to bed,” could refer to him wanting to sleep and wake up from this horrific dream, it could also refer to how he easily shuts down to his abandonment issues and goes to bed instead of handling it head first. Knowing this, him going to bed in the first scene could imply that he is in this type of abandonment predicament, especially when we connect it to the second point. The color orange is meant to represent joy and warmth, and even without the symbolism, we all know orange is Fundy’s favorite color. He sees these three beds and says that he likes them, but I can’t help but feel like the other two beds are meant for two other people. I don’t think Niki and Ranboo being the only other two people on the server is coincidental; they have to relate to the two extra beds in some way.
Niki and Ranboo are two prime examples of close friends Fundy had before breaking off after a misunderstanding. Niki fought with Fundy after he had to burn the flag she made in order to gain Schlatt’s trust, while Fundy fought with Ranboo after Doomsday when they had conflicting beliefs about neutrality and sides. After both incidents, Fundy never really made his way to apologize, but Fundy has awkwardly met up with these two after a certain point. With Niki, he was forced to team with her at the beginning of the November 16th War, joking around with her and Eret, while for Ranboo, Fundy had to talk to him and Philza when they were joking around in the SMP. The meet ups definitely relieved some tension, but it never fully resolved the conflict Fundy had with both characters, so there was never a chance for him to rekindle the close bonds he had with both Ranboo and Niki in the past.
Fundy going to his favorite beds with two extra spots next to him could represent how he does cherish the friendships he shared with Niki and Ranboo, but never has the guts to actually bring back things the way that they were before. So, instead, Fundy sleeps, not wanting to think about them any further.
iv. FIRST DAY
When he wakes, Fundy checks his inventory before exiting his base, saying “Uhm, I don’t actually-” until he cuts himself off once he spots the desert. I don’t actually know what Fundy was supposed to say here, but because he checked his inventory beforehand, I believe he was trying to say “I don’t actually know where my things are,” but I could be wrong. To be fair, this isn’t too important, so we don’t have to focus on that. What we can focus on is the misplaced desert that was obviously not there before Fundy slept. We can easily infer what deserts could symbolize in dreams, especially when it comes to loneliness and the feeling of being deserted, but for better insight, consider what dreamstop.com claims about deserts:
“A dream of a desert is about something that is devoid of any feelings or care for you. It is all about them and nothing about you. Does someone show you a lack of respect? Is there someone or something in your life you dislike and adds no meaning to your life? Do you feel invisible? That no-one cares about you? Deserts represent an empty, barren place you may be trying to fill.
Desert dreams may appear when a relationship or friendship breaks down, or when you feel totally alone. You may have moved recently and have not yet made friends. You may feel homesick for all you left behind.
Being lost in a desert refers to your feelings that a situation is hopeless. You may have a problem you feel no-one cares about, even though you tried to reach out. You may feel there was no support and are feeling hurt and alone.”
You don’t need much analyzing to connect these meanings to what Fundy is experiencing. The setting of a “desert” merely pads the idea of Fundy being incredibly lonely to the point of him believing that he has nothing left to lose. Back in Doomsday, he was an optimistic nihilist, claiming that he doesn’t care much about what occurs from this point onwards as long as he can have a little bit of fun. On the stream where he created the Cube, he claimed that most people hated him anyway, so the least he could do was to make himself so hateable so other people could unite together in their hatred of Fundy even if it meant Fundy would have no companions left. Let it be known: Fundy is incredibly, incredibly lonely, and he is miserable in his loneliness, especially when his self-worth depends on how much people recognize him.
Another thing this desert could be eluding to would be Las Nevadas as it is set in the desert. I do think the desert’s main purpose is to showcase Fundy’s loneliness, but the connection to Las Nevadas is plausible.
Additionally, the dark skies Fundy sees doesn’t really need much of an explanation either. I couldn’t find a website exactly defining what it means to find a dark sky, but most of them speak of it as a negative thing, often symbolizing something terrible to come. I don’t think I need to explain that part, so we’re moving on.
Fundy is, understandably, very confused about this entire predicament. He quickly moves around his base to figure out what is going on, even messaging in chat to see if anyone would respond. Climbing up the ladders, he stands atop his base, spotting the silhouette of the Camarvan from afar. He continues to be confused, claiming he has no idea why he’s here in the first place. He claims he is “freaking out”, continuing to ask questions about where he is, and why the sky turns dark. He denotes that he isn’t at least completely alone as bunnies swarm around the desert. He begins to follow this sandstone path, every few blocks or so passing a fence with a torch stood atop it.
Here, we can infer that Fundy seems to have never seen this place before, or has no recollection of it entirely. Fundy doesn’t seem to be immensely freaked out just yet, especially since he hasn’t asked any questions about how no one is there, mostly focusing on his location and asking what the place is about.
Fundy then asks why the van is here, then zooms in on the nametags he sees at the back of the van. It is notable that something nametagged “Fundy” is shorter than another thing that is nametagged “WilburSoot”. Fundy tries to reach out for them but is unable to enter the van.
We can easily infer that this scene was meant to represent Fundy’s childhood in L’Manberg when he was being taken care of by Wilbur. Despite the lack of silhouettes, we can easily determine that Fundy is young in this scene because of how his nametag is in a much lower position next to Wilbur's, implying that whoever owns that nametag is much shorter. We can denote that by the beginning of the L’Manbergian Revolutionary War, Fundy was, in fact, a child.
Another question some of you might ask: why is the Camarvan here in the first place? While I believe it could be representative of the part of Fundy’s mind that tackles past memories, I do think it also serves another purpose which I will explain later.
Moving on to the next scenes, Fundy continues following the sandstone path while typing in chat, asking if anyone was actually there. He gets confused by the path for a moment, wanting to go to the ominous building, before realizing that the path does connect to the building, it just swerves a little to the left.
It is notable that when Fundy cried out for help, he doesn’t call for a name in specific- he calls out for ANYONE. The fact that he is calling out for “anyone” could denote that he doesn’t have any close friends or family members he would want to specifically call out for.
Continuing on, Fundy follows the path to the building, still very immensely confused about where he is. Opening the door, he sees that the inside descends into an underground room with its flooring made out of chiseled quartz blocks. Fundy gets scared at first, immediately closing the door, looking back in, and going back out once more.
Fundy denotes that there is absolutely nothing out here as he walks around the building. He then gains the courage to descend the staircase, wondering what it is, and at the bottom, there are a lot of misplaced sandstone blocks with small lights illuminating at certain corners. The path leads to the left, showing 10 pieces of red carpet on the floor, and 8 pieces of yellow carpet on the table. He approaches the wooden table before looking to his right, spotting a skull on the floor next to a piece of redstone, which I believe is meant to resemble blood.
I don’t think we really need to research a skull to check what it might represent, but my theory so far as to what the skulls mean in each building would be that it’s meant to represent Fundy losing a canon life. I don’t know if this was intentional, but the corner room where the skull is somewhat reminds me of the Final Control Room with the redstone in the middle representing the button. That is, after all, where Fundy lost his first canon life.
One of the theories I subscribe to is that the skulls in these buildings are meant to foreshadow Fundy’s death before he ever reaches it. Earlier in the day, we saw Fundy pass by the Camarvan with a younger Fundy which could possibly imply that they haven’t gotten to Eret’s betrayal yet, but the skull creeping up at the corner could represent that it is, in fact, coming. How this ties in to the entire future predicting thing, I will explain later, but for now, keep an eye out on the skulls.
Terrified of the skull, Fundy opens the chest and hesitantly picks up the book and quill inside of it. He opens it and is introduced to another Fundy writing to himself. Other Fundy claims that they’re not exactly the same person, but this Fundy is a part of the real Fundy. Other Fundy claims that Fundy cannot trust this place as it is not real, then begins saying that Fundy himself is not real repeatedly. Fundy’s heart rate suddenly increases when he sees the words “wake up” appear slowly in the book, and after page 34 is shown, Fundy wakes up to a new day in the dream world.
First thing to denote is that the book has 87 pages, and 87, according to affinitynumerology.com means as follows:
“The numerology number 87 is a number of family, organization, and prosperity.
It's also a number of harmony and idealism, the ideal generally related to a harmonious and prosperous family relationship.
87 has parental instincts. It assumes responsibility for the welfare of others it considers to be family.”
The explanation implies that Fundy longs for family and cares deeply for those who he considers as his family. As much as he hated Wilbur after he died, Fundy still continuously expressed how much he needed Wilbur to be there. He is absolutely attached to anyone who poses as a possible family member, especially to those who he views as parents or guardians. Even outside of Wilbur, he is still practically attached to Phil, even if Phil refuses to consider Fundy as family. Fundy also got immensely angered by Eret when she didn’t show up to sign his adoption papers. I’d even say his attachment to family would even reach people like Sally and Schlatt. Fundy has a tendency of casually talking about Sally, and whenever a character talks about eating salmon, Fundy becomes deeply offended. For Schlatt, Fundy kept Schlatt’s netherite sword after he died, considering it to be an “heirloom”, something that only gets passed down onto different generations of the same family. Fundy is incredibly attached to the sword, and whenever he loses it, he’s absolutely desperate to get it back. As much as Fundy gets abandoned, he still deeply appreciates a lot of his family.
87 is also very reminiscent of one of the books in the Inbetween. A lot of the phrasing in the books are actually quite similar to the Inbetween, but we aren’t sure if Fundy and the Inbetween are directly affecting each other or if these places merely work in similar ways. The main similarity between Fundy and the Inbetween is that it involves something related to time travelling, so the similarities could be pointing towards that rather than imply that Fundy is directly affecting the Inbetween all together.
Secondly, the book stops at Page 34. The website angelnumbers.org express the following:
"Most likely you are leaving your projects unfinished because of fear for their destiny after you finish them.
Will they be rejected or accepted by others?
Because you would rather not find out that and possibly have your ego hurt, you consciously or subconsciously sabotage your work and leave things unfinished.
When this number starts appearing in your life frequently, it is a reminder to acknowledge you have a problem and start dealing with it.”
This is very reminiscent of the paragraph I made earlier discussing Fundy’s relationship with Ranboo and Niki- and this could honestly apply to any other relationships Fundy has as well. Besides Fundy’s relationships, this explanation could apply to Fundy’s hesitance of finding out the truth of his mind. Earlier on in the streams, Fundy is immensely confused about the dream, not wanting to discover its truths at all. This eventually changes on the third day, but we’ll discuss that in a bit.
Another thing I’d like to discuss would be the identity of the book authors and why they wrote the books the way they did. I’ll explain about this more in-depth later, but I do believe that another Fundy is, indeed, writing these books. As this was set in Fundy’s mind, it’s quite impossible for anyone who isn’t Fundy to be meddling with the books. What we can denote, though, is the reason as to why these books were created in the first place. The book itself seems to be harmless at first, quite inviting towards Fundy in the first few pages, but once it had to introduce what this world is, it seemed to hesitate. There were a couple of disjointed pages, as well as blank pages, before it began claiming the world wasn’t real, and that Fundy wasn’t real. It turned a complete 180, which seemed to be very odd to me. In past events of the Dream SMP, derealizing statements like this tend to be tricks of the mind, but these statements seem to be intentionally put there by those who wrote the book, especially since later on, we see another book completely give up on saying these triggering statements, saying that “It’s not going to work.” (32:05).
What this implies is that whoever placed these statements are attempting to scare Fundy in some way, possibly heightening his insecurities and terror so that he can be truly terrified of the place. The constant statements of “you are not real” may not only refer to the Other Fundy trying to make Fundy spiral downwards in derealization, but it might actually represent how neglected Fundy feels to the point of feeling invisible, to the point of feeling that he “isn’t real”. But why is this Other Fundy trying to scare Fundy, and who, specifically, is the person behind the writings, you might ask? This question will be answered later on when we go more in-depth with the other books, as the bigger picture is very much needed instead of explaining it all by the first book.
v. SECOND DAY
Fundy wakes up in his base once more, evidently confused. We don’t really know why he wakes up in his base, and why the world changes every time he wakes up, but let’s just say this is all part of his dream to make sense out of it. This time, he sounds more broken, and definitely more unhinged. He calls out for any other member in the chat, telling them that whatever they’re doing is not funny. This is the first we see of Fundy believing that the others may actually just have been pulling a prank on him. He opens his chests frantically before venturing outside once more. He claims that he doesn’t believe the book, saying that this dream sequence feels pretty real to him.
This time, Fundy puts a bigger emphasis on asking why he is alone, and why nobody seems to be here with him. Fundy seems to be more shaken up by the idea that he’s alone over the idea that he does not know anything about where he is at all. He approaches the van, and when he zooms in, he sees that Wilbur’s nametag disappeared.
Transcript of this following scene:
“I knew you were there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no- you can’t fool me! No, I knew you were there Wil. You were there, right there! Where did you go? Are you being- he’s being funny. This is funny! This is great. Aw, this is amazing- it’s just a prank! It’s April Fools soon- that’s why! Oh, I’m just being pranked… right?”
Now, this was… sad. This is one of the other statements that could have a double meaning. Fundy insisting that Wilbur is supposed to be there could not only be him comparing this day to the previous, but it could also imply his true feelings towards Wilbur, especially since he’s disappeared for a good portion of Fundy’s life. Fundy believes Wilbur is supposed to be there for him, but the reality is that he wasn’t. Instead of facing reality, Fundy concludes that all of this was a harmless joke instead of believing that Wilbur might have possibly left him.
Fundy attempts to enter the van once more, but his attempt doesn’t work. He then follows the path on the side directing to the ominous building only for him to realize that it has gotten closer.
The building getting closer to the main base actually has a lot of symbolism behind it. The building itself stores a lot of secrets, especially when it comes to the truths about this world and the different insecurities Fundy has repressed. Those writing the books have laid out all these secrets in every single book found in this building. The fact that it’s underground is meant to represent that these secrets are meant to be hidden in the depths of Fundy’s mind, but the fact that the building is getting closer to the main base makes it feel like 1.) the stored secrets about this world that Fundy may have forgotten about might finally seep into his consciousness, making him aware of them next time he wakes up, and 2.) the insecurities Fundy repressed deep down are seeping out more and more as it reaches the main core. Once it’s there, Fundy won’t be able to reject the truth about his abandonment issues any longer.
Fundy nears the building, still quite nervous. He opens the door, and the layout of the inside seems to be slightly similar to the previous day, but there are small details here and there that are different. Instead of 10 red carpets, there are 6, and instead of 8 yellow carpets, there are 6. Additionally, the skull seems to be closer, this time directly next to the table.
While the carpets were quite subtle, I do think it symbolizes a certain decrease of something. Red symbolizes the color for passion and love, while yellow is meant to represent happiness and positivity. Earlier, we saw that Wilbur disappeared from the Carmarvan, so the decrease of rugs for each color could represent Fundy’s love and happiness decreasing.
For the skull itself, I don’t know if I’m right, but this is what I infer from it: On the first day, we saw that Wilbur was still standing next to Fundy in the Camarvan as the first skull underground was still very far away. On the second day, when Wilbur was gone, the skull got closer, standing next to the table instead of it being far away. I theorize that if the skull is closer, then a canon death has already occurred in the time period the day wants to present. The first day presents a time where Wilbur was still taking care of Fundy, so Eret’s betrayal may not have happened yet, hence why the skull merely stayed hidden at the corner. On the second day, Wilbur has actively left Fundy, similar to the period after L’Manberg’s independence when Fundy had to partake in the Pet Wars alone. During that era, the betrayal has already happened, which is why I believe the skull is much closer this time.
Continuing on, Fundy opens the book and begins reading. From this point onwards, I do want to go more in depth with each of the books, so I’ll put transcripts here and there with my thoughts added onto it after each transcript.
“Hi me!
Welcome back!
Yeahh, second time here? or third?
not entirely sure”
So, this is confirmation that this might not be the first time Fundy’s having dreams like this. A good question to ask is if the book was written a long time ago and has presented itself the same way it does right now, or if this book was written recently. I don’t think the stream gave a definitive answer, but it is something to keep in mind.
“Listen to me Fundy
and you should trust me because,
well you know why
There are two things you can do right now
Walk back to your base, jump in bed, fall asleep, and you will wake up as if nothing ever happened
Or you can keep reading…
And I will tell you what I know”
The book pauses for a bit then continues saying “You are not real” ten times, “You dont want to know the truth” fifteen times, and spams “WAKE UP” until the 38th page, a number we analyzed earlier because of the 38 baked potatoes.
For the book itself, whoever is writing the book seems to be a bit hesitant when writing. It doesn’t seem to want to explain what this place truly is to Fundy, and as much as it clarifies that they are, indeed, Fundy, they never expound on how they were able to write these books and why Fundy should trust him. Other Fundy saying “you should trust me because, well you know why” is actually quite ominous, and I can only think of two reasons as to why they would say it: 1.) Other Fundy is implying that Fundy can trust him because he is, in fact, the same person, or 2.) Other Fundy is hinting that Fundy trusts too easily as seen with the people Fundy trusted in the real world.
Additionally, the Other Fundy seems to emphasize on the fact that they WANT Fundy to go to sleep and wake up in the overworld. They phrase it so that sleeping once more is the more logical option, while they basically scare Fundy with the other option, evident by his quickened heartbeat. The Other Fundy seems to know about the intricacies of this dream and its world, but seems to be very hesitant to tell Fundy about it. The continuous threats imply that the Other Fundy doesn’t want Fundy to know the truth at all.
Basically, this Other Fundy knows something, something our Fundy doesn’t know about, and wants to emphasize that it is something horrific. He will do whatever he can do so that he can stop Fundy from knowing the truth, even if it means he has to scare Fundy.
Additionally, to me, it feels like “WAKE UP” could possibly have two meanings. If the underground structure is meant to represent things that Fundy constantly represses to the back of his mind, not only would the secrets of his dream reside there, but his own repressed insecurities may reside there as well. The way Fundy treats the truth about his dreams is actually quite similar with the way he treats his insecurities- he tends to reject its existence and pretend that everything is normal. This dream isn’t just a dream, it’s an exploration of Fundy’s mind, and telling Fundy to “WAKE UP” doesn’t just refer to not knowing the truths about the dream, but it could also refer to Fundy not knowing the truths about his own insecurities hidden deep in the depths of his mind.
vi. THIRD DAY
Fundy wakes up, breathing heavily. He paces around his room before opening the door frantically, seeing that he is still stuck in a desert. He begins to laugh, repetitively telling himself that all of this is a “joke”. He continues questioning why he’s still in this dream, and when he opens the door, he sees the ominous structure observably closer to the base. He claims that he’s actually stressing out, and Fundy goes on a tangent about this dream and reveals a bit about his insecurities:
“They’re toying with me, they’re toying with me. They’re actually- everyone is toying with me- they are ALWAYS TOYING WITH ME. Everyone is! I’m always being played with. Why? Why always me- no! Why does it always have to be me? Every single time. I don’t wanna- (sigh). I don’t wanna keep dealing with this- I just wanna- no- do I just… Do I just… Do I just go up here and listen to- wai- okay. The book said I have two options: I can wait here until it’s night time. Wait until the sun sets and I can go to sleep, and when I go to sleep and wake up, none of this is real. None of this is gonna- it’s gonna disappear. None of this is real, none of this is real, none… It’s not real, it’s not real, I am currently not real, this is no- how is this possible? How is this- wha- how did- how… None of this is real. I am not real. All I have to do is wait for midnight and just sleep, and all of this would end, right? All I have to do is… wait until night time and then… it’s all gonna be over, it’s all gonna be done.
I just gotta sleep, and then, it’s gonna disappear. And then everyone is gonna appear out of a bush and they’re gonna be ‘Surprise!’ and I’m gonna be like, ‘You guys! You’re always pranking me… you’ve always been there for me (sniffs). Every single time… except sometimes… when I needed you the most. I just go to bed… I just go to bed, and then I wake up, and none of this ever happened. And we’re gonna go back to my old life where I have fun and join parties and join groups and only see them disappear in front of my eyes as I start to get attached to them. Y-yeah, that’s- that’s- that’s the choice I’m making. Go back to that... (sigh). Just… or you know…”
LOTS to unpack here, and I’ll go one by one explaining certain aspects of this because it’s not just something that showcases Fundy’s insecurities.
Firstly, interesting how Fundy believed that the book was toying with him like how a lot of other people do. That’s what makes him afraid of the book- the feeling of being pushed around. The book is actively trying to use Fundy’s insecurities against him in order to make him more and more afraid of the truth. This is interesting because Fundy is known to be ignorant towards his actual issues (just look at his monologue), but the Other Fundy seems to be acutely aware of them. I will explain why he is aware of them later on.
Secondly, this is the most observable point, Fundy seems to be aware that he is quite frankly, alone, but tends to ignore it. He copes with his abandonment issues by treating his abandonment like a joke. He believes that every single person who’s left him did it as a prank. Even if he laughs at this idea, he is also evidently hurt by it. It hits even harder when you realize that Fundy is quite the dependent character, often sucking up to any person who gives him recognition. If Fundy depends on others to dictate his self-worth, how do you think he thinks of himself right now when he literally has nobody?
Putting emphasis on Fundy’s loneliness is going to be interesting because I do think some characters in future arcs are going to exploit that. If Quackity is going to use and manipulate Fundy the same way Sam does, then there would be no doubt that he will use Fundy’s loneliness against him. Even if it’s not Quackity who approaches Fundy first- even Bad, Sam, Dream, anyone, really, could use Fundy’s loneliness against him, which will make for an interesting plot point.
Lastly, not a lot of people spotted this, but this monologue also gives us insight as to why Fundy continued looking for the truth about his dreams instead of staying in his base and waiting for night. When talking about what to look forward to once he wakes up, he talks about how much “fun” he is going to have. Slowly, you see his denial start to dwindle as he finally admits that people leave him just as he gets attached to them. As much as Fundy wanted to wake up from this horrific dream, he realizes that, once he wakes up, he has nothing to look forward to either. That’s why he hesitates when he says “Yeah, that’s the choice I’m making,” because he realizes waking up isn’t as ideal as it seems. This is why Fundy immediately goes outside afterwards with no hesitation- Fundy has nothing left to lose, hence why he chooses to venture forth. Fundy is driven to do things because he feels like his life is purposeless anyway.
Fundy then begins to head outside quietly, zooming into the ominous building while walking right towards it. He then detours for a moment, walking towards the right of the building, and approaches a giant crater filled with obsidian and blackstone.
The explosion could symbolize two things:
Any of the L’Manberg explosions. With the obsidian and blackstone combination, my guess is that this is either the first Doomsday event (L’Manbergian War of Independence) because of L’Manberg’s walls, or the November 16th War because of Schlatt’s Podium. Why the big amount of blackstone and obsidian? Well, I’m not so sure when it comes to L’Manberg as its walls didn’t have obsidian, but for the November 16th war, I do think that the abundance of blackstone and obsidian is meant to represent how Fundy is reducing the November 16th war to Schlatt’s Podium. This can be alarming as he was the one who made Schlatt’s Podium, so reducing the war to that one building might symbolize that he blames himself for the war.
Another theory, which is the theory I subscribe to more, is that this is actually depicting an event in the future that we haven’t seen yet. Namely, the prison. If you zoom in on the explosion, the block pattern is quite reminiscent of the block pattern present in the prison.
While I’ll mostly discuss Fundy’s future predicting powers later, I do think that there’s a possibility that Fundy saw a vision of the future, unlike the past two days where he saw visions of the past. The prison might possibly be nuked in the future.
Fundy then proceeds to walk back towards the building, repetitively saying “no”. He claims he needs to find out, sounding more determined than before. For this, even if the explosion could represent many things, I do think Fundy is generally reminded of the explosions he had to witness throughout the history of the Dream SMP. Perhaps he believes that finding out the truth could prevent more explosions from occurring, perhaps he figured out that this was the prison and he needed to know why it exploded, perhaps him walking away from something that’s reminiscent of real life represents his choice of wanting to learn more about his dreams rather than sticking to anything similar to real life.
Moving on, Fundy enters the building, saying he wants to know what’s going on. The underground room seems to have changed a bit, as the chiseled quartz floors changed into quartz bricks. The place also seems to be littered with end stone blocks and bricks. The place is much darker as well, and the carpets on the floor and table seem to be gone entirely. Two skulls can be observed near the table.
My brain actually can’t reason as to why the end blocks were there, or why the quartz blocks changed. My guess is that the end stones will eventually connect to a future plot point relating to the End, but again, I’m not sure. The carpets being gone could represent that the love and happiness (red and yellow) that Fundy had disappeared completely. The dishevelled state of the room could represent that the secrets being held inside this underground room are finally breaking free as its confines tear down more and more.
Now the skulls- if we go by the theory I presented earlier, then the skulls are meant to represent canon deaths. If the skull was tucked into the corner, then that means death is to come, but if it’s near the table, then I believe the canon death already occurred. If two skulls are next to the table, then it could imply that whatever time period the day is set in should be around the time Fundy loses a second canon death, which hasn’t occurred yet. Again, this is all speculation, so I might be overthinking, but if the explosion is meant to represent the prison getting nuked, then there’s a possibility Fundy would lose a canon life before the prison gets destroyed.
Now, onto the juicy bit: the book. The book reads as follows:
“Hi. again.
...Why are we so persistent
...Why are we so stubborn
...You have been here before, but you keep coming back
...Why?
WHY???
You dont want to know the truth
It will hurt you
I dont want to be hurt again
YOU dont want to be hurt again
I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
PLEASE JUST LEAVE
GO TO BED
FALL ASLEEP
ENJOY YOUR LIFE
ENJOY THE FUN THINGS
THE TRUTH ISNT WHAT YOU WANT
PLEASE
STOP THIS
STOP!!!”
The book tries scaring Fundy by spamming “WAKE UP” across multiple pages.
“It’s not going to work, huh..
Listen to me Fundy…
Your mind is not safe…
You are not imagining this…
This place might not be real…
But he is.
Spare yourself.
I need you to listen carefully.
Do not join him.
Whatever he asks of you.
Do NOT join him.
his plans aren’t as nice as they sound.
his intentions aren’t what you think they are.
he will use you
he will destroy you
everything you ever loved
everyone you ever cared about
do not join him.”
Before I explain this book, I think it’s best to also note down what was said in the next book as well so I can better explain what’s going on.
“note to self
hello
I just wrote this book to remember who I am
To remember what is happening
All the books I just found are indeed written by me
Listen to yourself
You suffer from a very odd illness
You suffer from a form of insomnia, within your own dreams.
Now the effects of this aren’t really known, and even I don’t fully know what is going on.
but let me tell you
somehow, this world, these actions and events, are linked to reality.
things that happen in these so-called “dreams”, tend to leak into the real world
they will actually happen.
you might wonder how exactly this is a bad thing.
the ability to predict certain events from happening, sounds pretty cool.”
Fundy then stops reading the book, seemingly overwhelmed by the influx of information. Analysis time, boys, time to unpack what this all means.
Firstly, I believe that this dream has happened before. Multiple times, actually. If certain “events” in the dream are meant to predict the future, then the moments involving the Camarvan on the first two days could imply that Fundy has seen this place before during the L’Manberg era where he could’ve predicted Eret’s betrayal and the loss of his father. If we think about it, the books could honestly be given to Fundy at any time period and it would work. Look at the entire section of the book describing someone who Fundy can’t trust- this “him” person could honestly be… anyone who abandoned Fundy? If the book hints at someone who might possibly hurt and use Fundy, then Eret, Wilbur, Schlatt, and Dream could also be considered. These people were nice to Fundy at first before betraying him one way or another. There is a possibility that this dream has warned Fundy about these people in the past, only for Fundy to forget about the dream. What about this time though, who is this “him” that’s going to betray Fundy during this time period? Well, the easy answer would be Quackity, but Bad could be a possibility as well. With the hint towards Quackity at the end, I do believe that Quackity would be the main suspect, but it’s also good to keep an open mind as we don’t know much of who Fundy’s involved with in Season 3.
Now, why would Fundy be able to forget about the dreams, though? I do think that whoever is responsible for writing the books are doing their best to prevent Fundy from uncovering the truth. Who do I think are the book authors? Well, I don’t think they were lying when they said that they were Fundy. I believe that, just like the Dream voice in Ranboo’s head, the Fundy that writes books would be some sort of conscience or subconscious in Fundy’s mind. This part of the mind holds certain memories repressed by Fundy, as well as some of the insecurities he chooses to ignore. They are aware of all of Fundy’s past visits of this dream, and they know the dangers of it, which is why they want Fundy to not uncover the truth.
The signed book claims that whatever Fundy sees in the dream will seep out into reality. Knowing this, I believe Fundy’s subconscious is trying to prevent Fundy from seeking out the truth to prevent these future visions from happening in real life; this especially applies to events that involve Fundy possibly being hurt. There is a possibility that this Fundy has seen past Fundy’s discover events like the Camarvan and the loss of Wilbur occur in dreams way past before it occurred in real life, so they feel afraid that our Fundy would uncover more and more truths that would become reality. While we don’t know if Other Fundy’s beliefs on future predicting is true, this gives us a better understanding of why they want Fundy to go to bed and wake up. (Additionally, the Other Fundy has placed emphasis on saying that the truth may hurt Fundy, so there is a possibility that these future events might involve something that heightens Fundy’s insecurities more. That’s why this Fundy seems to be so aware of Fundy’s insecurities- they have witnessed Fundy’s insecurities being used against him in certain visions.)
For the memory thing, so far, I believe a part of Fundy’s mind is actively suppressing all the memories Fundy has of his dreams. Fundy already represses a lot of his insecurities, so using Fundy’s insecurities against him might actually enable them to keep Fundy’s memories about the dream locked in the corners of his mind. The place where the book is kept in is underground, after all, but we do have to keep in mind that the building is getting closer and closer to Fundy’s main base. This could symbolize that Fundy will remember his dreams more once he wakes up.
So basically, so far, Fundy has dreamt this dream multiple times in the past, and during each dream, he witnesses an event in the future that could possibly happen in real life. Fundy’s subconscious, or possibly past versions of Fundy, are trying to warn future Fundy’s to not uncover too many truths about the dream as they believe this could possibly manifest terrible events to happen in real life. To get Fundy to go back to bed, they try scaring Fundy, using his insecurities against him, only this time, Fundy is a bit more disobedient because, again, he feels like he has nothing left to lose.
Another theory I have which I’m not 100% sure about is that this Other Fundy, as much as it has good intentions, may have committed a mistake when they tried to get Fundy to bed by using his insecurities. If anything in the dream may happen in real life, them heightening Fundy’s insecurities might pass over to the real world as well. While scaring Fundy could prevent him from uncovering the truth, it might’ve also been a double-edged sword as Fundy is more aware of his insecurities more than ever.
Continuing on, Fundy decided to leave the building, seeing that it’s night time. He sounds relieved knowing that he can sleep and that he can wake up from this dream. He celebrates for a moment, throwing the book away, but then he hesitates, saying he wants to know the truth. He picks the book up again but doesn’t read it immediately, claiming that he could just sleep instead of knowing the truth.
Fundy seems to revel in the idea of waking up for a bit until he mentions how much of a “blast” he can have with everyone once he wakes up. After mentioning this, he immediately picks up the book with no hesitation. This is the second time Fundy is shown to be motivated in finding the truth about his dreams because of him realizing how unfun the real world is. Again, Fundy is seen to be motivated by the fact that he has nothing left to lose, and as much as he is scared of this dream, he seems to prefer finding this world’s truth over going back into the real world where he’s practically alone.
Moving on, the book continues:
“however…
while this might be the case of dreams…
this is also the case for nightmares…
this is your last warning Fundy
please… for the both of us…
just wake up”
This part of the book simply affirms all I’ve theorized about earlier. The Other Fundy hints that some events that Fundy might witness in his dream would be detrimental to Fundy, which is why he doesn’t want Fundy to continue exploring. He knows that Fundy will possibly manifest an event that will ruin him in real life, so he wants Fundy to sleep instead of accidentally manifesting his demise.
vii. FOURTH DAY
Fundy then wakes up once more, complaining that this dream never ends. He goes outside, seeing a black, hooded figure slowly turn around and chase him. With a quickened heartbeat, he runs up his stairs to sleep in a black bed placed on the roof. Fundy screams as we see the hooded figure approach, and the screen fades to black. A white smiley face reminiscent of the one on Quackity’s skin appears on the screen as casino slots sound effects play in the background.
Now, what do I make of this? Well, firstly, we gotta point out that his bed at the end looked EERILY similar to a gravestone. A lot of websites claim that sleeping in a gravestone or seeing a gravestone could indicate change, especially when it comes to overcoming one’s sadness or problems. In a literal sense, we can think of it as something foreshadowing a future canon death, especially if we think that the person chasing Fundy is the grim reaper.
Speaking of that person, I do have a couple of explanations as to who this person is:
The person is death themselves, the grim reaper. This is the common conclusion everyone believes in, especially when we consider this “him” person possibly hurting Fundy, and that second skull in the underground room. Quackity is the main culprit for now, especially with that smiley face in the end, but there could be other possibilities! Like, what if someone takes Fundy’s canon life before he joins Quackity, which is why the smiley face only popped up after Fundy’s dream death? Mayhaps someone affiliated with Quackity might be doing the dirty work for him, so Bad, Sam, Dream, and anyone, really, could be responsible for Fundy’s future canon death. Moreover, the fact that this death occurs affirms the beliefs of the Other Fundy. The Other Fundy merely wants Fundy to be safe from possibly manifesting his demise in real life, but Fundy’s curiosity got the best of him, and in the next sequence, he was killed, proving that the Other Fundy was right in saying that Fundy should’ve just slept.
A theory I made up which I’m not 100% sure of is that this figure is actually Fundy’s subconscious trying to get him to sleep. When Fundy was being chased, we heard a quickened heartbeat, and where was the only other time we heard that? When Fundy was reading the “WAKE UP” and “you’re not real” messages from those books. We can view this as the Other Fundy’s attempt in trying to get Fundy to actually sleep by using another scare tactic against Fundy. And well… it did work! Because Fundy was afraid of this figure, Fundy went to sleep. There is also a possibility that this occurrence is what makes Fundy forget about the dream because his subconscious got a hold of Fundy and forcibly made him forget, but I’m not 100% sure about that one yet.
Lastly, the face! That should already allude to Fundy possibly joining Quackity’s lore, and with the “38 potatoes” symbolizing business opportunities, I expect Fundy to be joining Las Nevadas as a possible employee. Quackity does, in fact, prey on people who are insecure, and can easily get them to do whatever he wants because of his words. If he can get Sam to give him the tools needed to torture Dream, Quackity might exploit Fundy’s loneliness into making him do whatever Quackity wants from him.
Another face that this could possibly connect to is the face in the Egg lair! While I’m leaning more towards Quackity because of the casino sounds, I do wanna say that the Egg and the Eggpire could possibly be connected as well, especially when the Egg could provide Fundy anything he wants. Just like how Quackity could prey on Fundy’s insecurities, the Egg preys on those who feel like they’re missing something, so as much as Fundy could be manipulated by Quackity, he could also be manipulated by the Egg. Additionally, business opportunities could apply to the Eggpire as well as they’ve contacted Purpled in the past to assassinate Puffy, so who’s to say they won’t try adding Fundy to the Eggpire?
TLDR; This entire stream showcased both Fundy’s insecurities and Fundy’s future predicting powers and how this “Other Fundy”, aka his subconscious, wants him to repress them because they believe that if Fundy uncovers the secrets of his dream more, then Fundy would accidentally manifest his demise in real life. Additionally, Fundy is very lonely, making him vulnerable of being used in the future because he is desperate to get any type of recognition from anybody. In summary, be afraid of Fundy’s future lore streams, be very afraid.
viii. ADDITIONAL NOTES
Even when I finish this, there’s a lot of questions to ask about this stream that I want you to keep in mind:
How many times has Fundy encountered this before?
How does Fundy forget all the information he got from the dreams?
How does Fundy write to himself?
Why is there so many details connected to Karl, and what does it have to do with time travelling?
Why does Fundy return to his bed every time his heartbeat quickens when reading a book?
Was the first scene part of the dream or not?
Could the underground room’s structure actually mean something?
And there’s probably more, but just saying, keep an open mind about this entire stream because there’s definitely a lot more to uncover.
I want to reiterate: I am not the Messiah, so don’t take my word as the truth and the absolute truth. I’d love to hear your thoughts about Fundy’s stream as a lot of it could be up for speculation! The entire thing is filled to the brim with symbolisms, so there could be a lot of interpretations to consider. If you enjoyed this, feel free to like and retweet because I worked my ASS off with this one.
Special thanks to the following:
Fundy and any of the Dream SMP members because that stream was INCREDIBLE. Go give them your love and support.
kingjem for always being there whenever I want to discuss any ideas I have about the Dream SMP. One of the smartest bitches I know, go follow them.
To all my betas who reviewed this document since I have a TON of grammar mistakes (thanks English): prismartist, bootsforthebootsgod, Finni_june (twt), ender-hyperfocuses-on-things, and Dngertosociety2 (twt)
And to all of you who like this post and would share it to other people! All support is appreciated. :D
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the general cop out of TFATWS
Saw this fantastic thread pop up today but since this post would be talking about everything else apart from Bucky, I thought I'd start another post.
TFATWS brings up very complex issues and some very dark themes. Unlike Black Widow which by and large does it well, TFATWS does not give these issues the complexity they deserve. It wants to be a political show, but it shirks away from actually giving those issues the gravity and depth they deserve.
1) Racial injustice
My particular issue with the racial injustice theme is that the MCU does not actually align with the real world. I mean half the world has just come out of non-existence, that messes up the social psyche in major ways - so this is not the same as the post-Floyd US we know in the real world. Especially to people living outside the US, we're going to need a little more than a bank and a police scene to show us exactly how racial injustice pervades the MCU America to the point that Sam/Sarah denounces the country multiple times, particularly as it had never been established as an issue before this series (again, only lightly touched on in Black Panther). It is also a missed opportunity to actually educate people outside of the US why racial injustice in the US is a problem that needs the world community's support. Go hard and go deep. Make it without a doubt that Sam could've gotten a loan if he was white - just need a passing comment that someone else in the same situation easily got a loan. Make it clear that in the MCU world, there are also unjust deaths in custody which preferentially affects BIPOC, and this problem has become bigger because the lack of resources has driven up petty crime. Talk about BIPOC being passed over for opportunities, which are going to be massively limited in the post-Blip world. Talk about how people can't get jobs, can't go to college, can't go to school because the colour of their skin pushes them down the list of priorities. Which brings me to...
2) Post-Blip mess
This is criminally glossed over in the series, with a lot of handwaving lines about "the GRC" and "things were better before the Blip". Again, show/tell us the horrors. There won't be enough food and water. There won't be enough housing or accommodation. Don't show us refugees living in clean European mansions. Show us overcrowded, poorly constructed, unhygienic refugee camps (see below picture from Syria). The world's population doubled overnight with no increase in infrastructure. You're going to have a LOT of displaced people literally on the streets. Crime will soar, deaths and illness will soar, and overall dissent will soar.
3) Resource allocation
Even in a world that hasn't had to deal with half the population disappearing then returning within a short time frame, we are having issues with vaccine inequity. Here's a recent JAMA article about this very issue:
Approximately 1.2% of the global vaccine supply has been received by low-income countries and just 14% by lower-middle-income countries, which account for nearly 40% of the world’s population. In contrast, more than half the US adult population is fully vaccinated (...)
Vaccine inequity is driven by insufficient supply and unfair allocation. Powerful high-income countries prepurchased sufficient doses for their entire populations, sometimes twice the number needed. In contrast, COVAX, a global initiative to procure and equitably allocate vaccines, failed to secure enough doses even for its modest goal of covering 20% of lower-income country populations this year. Pfizer, for example, agreed to sell COVAX only 40 million doses, and had delivered just over 1 million by mid-May.
Now extrapolate this across all resources, including food, fuel, medicines, materials, manufacturing machinery etc. For example, recently parts of northern Chinese cities went dark for days in the middle of a freezing winter because the power grid didn't have enough coal to run. This is going to be made so much worse when the population had suddenly doubled. Greedy corporations will want to capitalise on the sudden surge in demand. Large numbers of people will be dying from all of these reasons, and if the GRC is driving the inequity by unfair allocation of resources, people are within their rights to protest or push for change.
4) Police/Government corruption
It's a fine line that separates a terrorist from a revolutionary, and TFATWS shied away from portraying the gritty reality that would have made Karli a real heroine in this post-apocalyptic world. This is a particularly missed opportunity because Karli's story isn't even set in America, and even as someone who doesn't keep up much with world news I know there are ongoing issues of military/government driven brutality going on throughout the world, which would be many times worse post-Blip because the population will become more expendable.
For anyone interested, here's China's forcing sterilisation/contraception in Uighurs. Here's Myanmar military shooting young people posting Tiktoks of pro-democracy songs. Here's China (again) arresting staff at a pro-democracy newspaper in Hong Kong and driving it into closure.
Get into the dark side. Tell us how the GRC is colluding with corrupt governments. Tell us about the slavery that has shot through the roof because human labour is now so cheap. Tell us how governments are banning their own people from having children because of overcrowding concerns, and how the GRC plays into that propaganda. Tell us how corrupt powers try to censor these issues from getting to the media, and how the GRC's musclemen (like Walker) are unknowingly or intentionally used to silence people who are trying to fight for their right to live.
5) "I believe we can do better"
Maybe because I'm more a doer than a talker, but I'm still trying to recover from the cringe caused by that speech. Again, I don't blame Sam for either this speech or his talk with Bucky in episode 5, I can only lay the blame at the writers who clearly weren't interested in any of the practical ramifications of what they're writing.
Firstly, establish what they were doing wrong (see above, and there's lots more that could be added with just a cursive research into world affairs). Second, "The only power I have is that I believe we can do better" is a terribly avoidant reply when someone is pointing out rightfully that the issues are complex. This is a time when people want solutions, not just nebulous ideas. I mean, who doesn't want things to be "better"?? But you haven't established the why or what and now you're just handwaving about the how.
Point out what they're doing wrong. Talk about equity in resource and opportunity allocation. Tell them how their policies are driving crime and death and corruption in lower income countries. Offer to be on the Council as a representative for the layperson. Sure, committees might not seem very superhero-like, but other heroes have sat in on international meetings with politicians with success - Nat, Tony, T'Challa to name a few.
I know it's easy to use the excuse that "they tried to pack too much so they can't address all this" and I agree to an extent. But by taking the handwaving cop-out route with these heavy issues, it undermined several scenes that should have held more emotional weight.
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