#and also. shifting away from fandom talk but still talking about stream chats | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

transgender-png · 9 months

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i didn't wanna tack this on my last reblog bc its so long and i didnt wanna take away from ranboos speech either but. theres some specific parts my brain has latched on to from that.

first off being bazoingas, them acknowledging how busty their vtuber and people's art of them was hilarious. i love seeing him explore his identity more, i love that he's comfortable enough to do that. it gives me hope and courage to do the same, and i see a lot of myself in ranboo in terms of gender identity and expression. and something about the phrase "young queer kid" and how we helped that queer kid makes my heart sing. like. they were a young queer kid. they were scared at one point. just like me. just like a lot of us. but if he can make it this far, maybe we can too

and although the whole thing is mostly addressing what the community has been doing wrong recently, i melted when he mentioned how much he appreciates us. bAcK iN tHe dAy, before live streaming and especially twitch became so popular, there was always such a big barrier between the content creator and their audience. you knew your favourite CC appreciated you, sure, but you were always aware of that barrier and how it would always be there. now tho, for better or for worse (thafs a different topic that im too migrainey to tackle rn) that barrier has become a little.. transparent? i guess? it's more like glass now. it's still there, and you're still aware of it, but it has become so much easier to make a real connection with your audience as a creator, and vice versa.

seeing ranboo talk about how he has fun with chat and appreciates us.. it makes me happier than i can accurately describe. ranboo always seems genuinely excited to meet fans and is so active in their own community. it's one of the things about them that charmed me when i was first getting into their content, is how much they clearly loved their community.

but it also makes me sad how much he's been having to correct the community lately. i wont pretend im not part of that issue at all, bc im not perfect and ive definitely broken a rule or two or crossed a boundary once, intentional or not.

but ive been stepping away from ranboos content recently. part of it was not being into their new content as much, as im not a huge fan of horror (but that has been steadily changing for me) but a lot of it was the community. ive watched a lot of great fandoms and communities go sour because people cared too much about the wrong things. i don't want that to happen to something/one that has helped me so much.

but i don't want to end this on a bad note. one of my favourite parts of being a boober is the community (and the name). ranboo fans are some of the most creative, supportive, passionate (even if the passion is misplaced) and welcoming people ive met. even though its easy to forget, especially with what's been going on lately, i try to remind myself and others that there are good people in this community. they can be funny and witty and talented and inventive and observant and so many other things!! this community is filled with good people!!

and at the end of the day, we're qll here for more or less the same reason.

we like ranboo. we enjoy his content and his personality. for a lot of us, ranboo has helped us through some dark times, and led us to make some great friends. some of us are here from the old enderian-platonic-husband days and some of us are here from generation loss and some of us are here for the variety horror games and some of us are just here for minecraft content and a million other reasons. ranboo has charmed their way into the jearts of me and many others. some of us consider finding ranboo to be one of the best things to ever happen to us.

ive never been good at wrapping up these things but ig ill end with. remember where we all came from, and why we're all here.

whether you're a long term fan, a new boober, or have stepped away as the content has shifted, we all were impacted in some way, hopefully positive, by this creator. he's helped a lot kf us, whether it's with mental health, starting our own content creation journeys, inspiring us to make art or mess around with how we present ourselves, or just made us laugh with their jokes and offhand comments, we're all here because of ranboo.

and idk about you, but the fact that so many people can and do come together all because of one person.. that's pretty fucking beautiful to me.

basically, live, laugh, love ranboo. <3

#ranboo #ranboolive #generation loss #gen loss #boober #bazoingas had me wheezing tho #love how artists have been making ranboo sluttier every day (/pos)#all the while hes holding popcorn and clapping #it's great #i love ranboo

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awsugar · 2 years

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I don’t understand why some big mcr blogs slate anyone who believes gerard and frank had a thing, like our view didn’t arise from nowhere there’s clearly evidence that has led us to think this. I get disliking those who push frerard in frank and Gerard’s faces (barely anyone does this nowadays) but slating people for believing they had something in the past is kinda ridiculous imo. Franks solo music speaks volumes but if you read into it you’re demonised as a frerardie

mmmmm am i down to clown today... ok i will speak.

actually im going to put this under a cut bc my last ask was a long one and i feel like i am going to talk about this for way too long bc its 1am and im honestly a little tipsy.

note: i just finished answering this it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time and i dont think the person who asked this is even going to read it but i apparently have a lot of thoughts and no one ever wants to listen to me lol

firstable yea actually unfortunately anytime they do a livestream, or anytime anyone SOMEHOW RELATED to them does a livestream. there are ppl in the chat talking about frerard. they both have comments off on insta now, i didnt actually read the comments that much and franks have been off for ages but im positive there were people in the comments talking about frerard. i mean fuck, franks LAST tweet he qrted someone who tagged him in the replies of a pic of The Kiss. so i mean yea its definitely not a majority but it still happens extremely frequently.

this is like. genuinely really funny to me bc im sure frank didnt see it, i think he knows enough not to look at the chat for the most part. but the moral is that its 2021 and people STILL dont know how to act. i wont go on about it but it actively enrages me anytime i watch a stream. rule one of real person fandoms is keep all that shit in your fan spaces. which is actually why i prefer tumblr. none of them are on here. actively engaging in mcr fandom on twitter is too close for comfort, especially since frank follows a handful of my friends and also like. knows me.

so like moral of my most times unavoidable wall of text is that ppl are right to be frustrated with the fans who act this way. i am extremely frustrated with them. and i think for the people who have never like tinhatted or anything, this type of behavior stands out and makes an impression and becomes the like. poster child for ppl who are like 'hmmmmm but what if.' about the frank and gerard stuff.

anyway, moving on, i think a lot of peoples hang up is that they view it as rpf. which i have a couple things to say about actually. its no secret that i have read a lot of rpf. i had never heard of fanfiction until i started getting into mcr in 2008. that was my introduction. and at the time, in that community, it was completely normal. and it was for a loooooooooong time. i knew of people who didnt read fic or felt weird about it but the majority of people i interacted with DID read fic. and on top of that, the people who didn;t were nothing like they are today. we all got along. no one was like demonizing people who did read fic. in 2012 when i think mcr tumblr was at its peak, ALL of the most popular blogs were "frerardies" (hate that term). they all talked about and recced fic and a lot of them wrote it too. everyone had a boyfriends tag. anyway when i came BACK to the mcr fandom in 2016 after a couple years away post-breakup it was still like that. people talked about fic all the time and you didnt have to like, hide it in fear of being labeled as a terrible person.

i always discussed this stuff, fic and theories, openly on this blog. for YEARS. the first time i noticed the rpf shift was 2019 tbh, when my blog was suspended and i (not related) had a mental health crisis and i spent a handful of months off tumblr, when i remade on a different blog suddenly it seemed like people were like noooo you cant talk about that. ppl who read fic are disgusting. if you think something happened between them you're homophobic. i was like honestly baffled bc i didnt know how it had seemingly changed so much in a matter of like 4 months or so. but thats the society we live in now lmao.

anyway the other thing about rpf is that i think most of these people are hypocrites. bc almost everyone makes an exception for unholyverse. theyre like ok i will dabble in the most popular fic and see what its about while still demonizing the people who read OTHER fics. like ugh.

also i have noticed its an age thing. a lot of the time. almost every mcr fan i personally interact with or know, which is a lot of people, read fic, used to read fic and just sort of grew out of it, and/or (usually and) believe something happened between them. but everyone i interact with is an adult and all of my closer friends are long time mcr fans like me. i feel like the percentage of fans who are minors who are extremely anti-rpf is way higher than the percentage of adults. and i think thats just due to the fan culture we grew up with and the fact that young people a lot of times are like..it seems very performative in an attempt to be the least problematic person that ever lived.

also random side note its really funny to keep updated with this debate on twitter. they literally yoyo there. frerard is ok on a bi-weekly basis.

anyway back to what i was originally saying which was that people view tinhatting as rpf and therefor not okay. which like idk maybe i sound crazy but i also always said this when i was in the phandom and discussing like dan and phil and whether or not they were soulmates before they came out, i don't think tinhatting is rpf. or like. idk theres a part of me that can see why people think rpf is a bad thing even though if i was famous i wouldnt care if people wrote fics about me. but like. analyzying the real life things that people have done and said in public (important). in order to try to contextualize their relationship or understand that dynamic better. well i mean first of all its not fiction. but like i do think its a lot different than writing explicit bdsm fic about them.

and i know a lot of the people on here who dont like actively participate in these conversations do like. see where we're coming from. with the frank lyrics and millions and like all of that stuff. they just dont talk about it. i mean *I* have stopped mostly talking about it at all unless its vague, due to the current climate and opinion. and sometimes we'll all have a moment of hysteria where we've all decided its ok to speak about. me right now apparently.

anyway im positive no one read all of this. i need to learn how to be brief but ive been saying that my whole life. but you're right. to me its clear that there's a bigger story behind it than frank and gerard just being buddies who were in a band together. a logical conclusion. and i wish we could just all get along again instead of people being sooooo mad about it.

#anonymous #asks #im gonna make queue bend and break #frerard

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thesunicarusfellfor · 3 years

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Small Actions (Create Big Ripples) CC!Plat!Ranboo x GN!Reader

I've been thinking lately about this little drabble and it makes me a bit upset? Like.. I'm in this position high key but theres nothing I can do about it...

(R/R/n) stands for Ranboo's real name. Also if you're really tall.... No you're not. Shhhh. For plot purposes

You stayed away from social media as much as possible. Now, don't get me wrong, you used to love watching Youtubers play their games and happily interact with their fans.. But growing up, you never seemed to have enough money to donate when they streamed, or go to events where they were.

You had always wanted to tell them how much they've helped you through life, or shaped your personality.. Or saved you. But... They get told that every day by over hundreds of people.. So there would be no real sentiment behind it..

You'd probably just get a simple, "Aw. Happy I could help." Before turning back to their game without blinking twice.

So, you just watched silently. It hurt, you know? Wanting to thank them, or send them something to show your appreciation.. But you never seemed to be able to send it, with the thought that 'it won't really matter to them after five minutes.. You'll just be brushed over. It's pointless.'

Eventually it hurt too much to keep watching the content creators that raised you, so you just stopped and went on with your life.

It was hard, but at least you didn't have to deal with the fact that you would never be able to thank the people you watched for making your life that much better.

As time went on, while you still heard about the creators, it was just... less. Now people were non stop blabbering about these people from something called the DreamSMP?

Your sister was obsessed with it to say the least, and you always heard her mumbling about strange people like Technoblade? Or Sapnap? And apparently some people had children with inanimate objects?! Like a Samsung Fridge and a salmon?! Yeah you didn't even bother trying to understand what she was rambling about most of the times. It just spun your head in circles.

"Okay, I gotta take my mutt to the vet," Your sister and closest friend, (S/n), tilted her head towards the backseat to her dog as you sat in the passenger seat. "You think you'll be good to do the shopping for two or so hours? I'll call when I'm finished, and plus I know how you can get distracted with looking at some things."

"Yeah, I think I'll be good." You nodded slightly, going over the list in your hand of things to get for your classes, food and just some clothing for the changing seasons.

(S/n) pulled into the parking lot and looked you over briefly, "You forgot your mask didn't you?" She watched as your hands flew up to your face to feel for the fabric, but you didn't find it so you fished through the pockets of your sweater before smiling nervously at the driver. "Uuugggggggghhhh. Of course. Okay, I got a new one from the merch store that you can use, but do not damage it! I spent a whole $30 on it!"

Scoffing as you rolled your eyes, you snagged the half white and half black mask away from her, "You and your merch. Honestly, (S/n), your obsession scares me. But anyway, thanks. I won't get it damaged, I swear." You pulled the mask onto your face after giving her a smile and walked into the store as she drove off.

Sighing slightly, you walked in, sanitized your hands, and set off on your journey to find the things you needed. Surprisingly, today seemed to be a good day as you miraculously pulled the card that didn't have the busted wheel!

Humming a soft tune to yourself, you paced up and down aisles in search of (S/n)'s favourite coffee. Pausing for a moment as you scanned the shelves, you finally spotted it and made a noise of anger as you realized it was on the very top shelf. "Oh, I hate it here..." You mumbled, a phrase you had picked up from your sister who was really big on trends like that.

Grumbling to yourself, you stood on the tips of your toes, jumped up and down, even climbed the shelves a small bit, but it just seemed to brush by your fingertips every time. Apparently it had been long enough to the point where someone had wandered into the aisle as well.

"Hey... Uh.. Nice mask? You need help?" A male voice asked very hesitantly making your head turn towards him. He was t a l l and literally could tower over you if you got close enough. He had fluffy dirty blonde hair possibly? It looked a little damp so you couldn't really tell. Rain had been in the weather report, but guess it couldn't hold off long enough. Oddly enough, he was wearing dark sunglasses and the exact same mask as you?

'Maybe he's a fan of one of (S/n)'s fandoms?' You stepped back with a sheepish smile and a blush. "Oh! Yes please! Uhm.. Also, could you tell me about what these masks represent? This is my sister's... And I kinda want to make sure I'm not looking like I'm part of some gang or something."

The tall boy reached up for the coffee before pausing midway through and looking at you in surprise. "You don't know who... Oh, it's just from a Twitch Streamer.." He murmured rather softly as he got the coffee down for you.

With a cheerful "Thank you!" You placed the container in the cart. "Oh? Yeah that makes sense. My sister loves that kind of stuff. Are they... A good person?"

"I-I'd like to think so." He nodded quickly. "Are you not.. Like, a fan of content creators? Like.. Uh.. Dream or (P/F/C)?" (Past favourite creator)

"Well... I mean I used to really like (p/f/c) when I was younger. But it kind of... Saddened me, you know?"

He looked at you again and tilted his head a bit, "Saddened you? Did they do something bad?"

"No no! It's just... I try to avoid joining fandoms, even if they make me really happy while in them despite the toxicity. I really enjoy the people who create content, and I like watching them have fun... It's just.." Were you really gonna spill some personal stuff to some stranger who showed you the slightest bit of kindness? Not originally. But he kept watching you, patiently waiting for you to continue the sentence. "They'll... Never know.. How much they saved me."

"Oh.. I see. Yeah.. I've had that happen a lot. When, I watch this guy's streams," He pulled at his mask for a moment, "People always donate money and tell him how much they appreciate him for getting them through rocky times.. It's heartwarming to say the least but he does sound genuinely thankful."

"Oh that's sweet.. What does he do? Or what's he like?" You asked with a smile, although he couldn't see it, as you crouched down to get something from the sheleves. "Unless you have places to be of course!"

He looked a little surprised at first, "Ah... I got time. It's just.. Kinda nice being able to talk to people again after quarantine..." He trailed off briefly before taking something off the shelf as well and putting it in his basket, "Uh.. The streamer is a popular minecraft player. He recently hit a record during a stream and everyone lost their minds. He's a little painfully awkward at some points but he enjoys playing the games and interacting with his chat."

"Oh he sounds nice! I would definitely want to friends with someone like him!" You chuckled softly before frowning and glancing away. "Oh.. Popular.. So I'd be another comment in the flood of a chat.. Damn. I got a little excited. Oh! My bad, I'm (Y/n). Nice to meet you!" You laughed softly in an attempt to brush off the sad atmosphere you made.

"(R/r/n). But everyone just calls me Ranboo. Nice to meet you too." He sounded as if he was smiling but there was a soft sadness in his tone. "Do you not like popular streamers then?"

"No, it's just... that I had always wanted to tell them how much they've helped me through life, or shaped my personality.. Or saved me.. But... They get told that every day by over hundreds of people.. So there would be no real sentiment behind it.. I suppose it just left me feeling a bit hopeless and like a broken record of every other fan of theirs. So, I just watched silently. It hurt, you know? Wanting to thank them, or send them something to show appreciation.. But I never seemed to be able to send it, with the thought that 'it won't really matter to them after five minutes.. You'll just be brushed over. It's pointless.'.."

Ranboo seemed slightly more upset and he shifted his basket into his other hand, "I don't think it's like that at all.. I believe that streamers and creators truly cherish anyone who even interacts with their videos, and even though they know there's some people in the world who can't say anything or buy their merchandise, the creators still know that they're there. They appreciate everyone who comes along their path, whether they support them by giving them money, criticism or their attention!"

You blinked at how... Passionate your new friend was about this topic before smiling softly. "I guess... It never passed my mind.. Thank you Ranboo.. Hey, you wanna be friends and get to know each other more?"

His expression was unreadable due to the fabric covering his mouth and nose, and the glasses covering his eyes. "Oh! Sure!" He sounded quite happy, so you were guessing that you weren't being too awkward. "Here's my number, as long as you promise to never give it to anyone. Even if someone wants to get to know me, okay?"

You took out your phone and looked at him with a strange expression, but quickly nodded. 'Maybe he is just really strict about his privacy.' Once he gave you the number, you sent a quick text to him to give him your contact in return. "Great! It was wonderful meeting you, I hope we can hang out more often! After.. covid of course."

Eagerly nodding, Ranboo finished writing your contact into his phone and slipped it back into his pocket. "Oh yeah definitely! I'll see you soon, (Y/n)!"

Parting your separate ways, you looked down at the newly added contact, 🤍Ranboo🖤 (Platonic hearts), with a smile.

Maybe small actions weren't as useless as you thought...

#ranboolive #ranboo #ranboo x reader #ranboo x you #ranboo dreamsmp #ranboo dsmp #mcyt x reader #mcyt x you #reader insert #x reader

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straighttohellbuddy · 3 years

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📓 !!

Okay im so excited please know I think about How The Light Gets In's world every day still, and so anyways here is a side story I want to write but there's a lot of set up regarding the reader and eef becoming friends again. For context, they were incredibly close around 2014-2017, but people were getting creepy and invasive and demanding about their friendship (think 2012 toxic side of the Phandom, if that makes sense), and a lot of the reader's relationships were strained at that time because while they had been successful before, they were absolutely blowing up after their first album released and they became far more mainstream. They felt like they were bothering the people they had become closest to, both because they're worried that they're a bother, and because gossip rags and paps would harrass their friends looking for a scoop, and so they ended up just completely cutting off contact without warning one day right before they went on their first tour. the start of HTLGI is about 3 years since they'd been in proper contact with any of the creators they were close to at that time.

DON'T LOOK AT ME on their 2017 ep Hyperfocus was a more general song in response to everything that had been happening in their life around that time, with a focus on how they stop associating with anyone for a while, without outright addressing it, but on their latest album n o s t a l g i a, read at 5am ft. Troye was specifically written at the start of quarantine, when the reader was getting back into YouTube, about their feelings regarding how their friendship with ethan ended, as they spent a lot of this time looking back of their YouTube career, and he was the person they were closest to for a very long time, before they iced everyone out.

OKAY SO THERES MORE OF THE BACKGROUND OF THE WHOLE FIC AND THE READER BUT

Werewolf Ethan & Mark. I'm sorry I don't make the rules. They have golden retriever energy you cannot change my mind. But also because this is the HTLGI you know that supernatural characteristics are able to be activated rather than just triggered by the full moon. What I'm trying to say is since this is set in the year of Unus Annus, they film a video together that's like, you know that show where a person has to try and outwit a professional tracker? Except its the reader being tracked by two werewolves at night in a national park. Reader is wearing some sort of night vision camera on themselves so whenever it cuts to them the audience can't actually see how they're using their powers, if that makes sense.

Also the reader agreed to this knowing it would probably be when they ended up telling Mark and Ethan about them being a demon.

Video is titled Hunting Down An Old Friend

A few Moments that the boys edit out:

The reader using their stupidly sharp prehensile tail to swing from tree branches, though they leave in shots where the reader's tail can't be seen.

Knowing that with the werewolves having advanced hearing, the reader would give themselves away by talking to the camera, they take a few minutes having flown up to a high tree branch, to pull out a notebook and do a little sketch of how Mark and Ethan appear in their Demon True Sight, and holding it up to their camera.

Werewolves being one of the animals who can kind of sense demons without being able to identify them, essentially like dogs can sense natural disasters and are often good judges of character, this can be heightened on command for werewolves. There's about 15 minutes of footage cut out of the boys discussing or mentioning how this place has awful vibes and that they should have done this during the day. It gets worse as they get closer to the reader, who didn't realise that the boys hadn't thought to ever use that particular power around them before.

("I say this with so much love and appreciation for you, dude," Ethan yells, looking up at you from the base of the tree they'd finally found you in, "but I- this is making me anxious I feel like something terrible's gonna happen, and we should probably get out of here and film the rest of the video back at Mark's." And behind him, Mark's nodding, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, eyes scanning the trees for whatever was most likely the cause of this terrible impending doom.

Oh. It's you. And they don't know its you.

Now or never, you suppose.

"Can you cut the cameras for a second? You're going to be fine I promise," you called back, and though they obligingly did, they both seemed antsy. You cleared your throat awkwardly, "that... that terrible feeling, that's not the park or anything in it- well I mean, it is, but it's just- it's me."

and later

"Dude your wings smell like rotten eggs."

"To YOU Ethan! And no they don't!"

"If it makes you feel better they smell like burning and rotten eggs."

"It does not."

(for reference, when enhancing their sense of smell werewolves can kind of distinguish various supernatural creatures, or parts of supernatural creatures. Some creatures have an inherent scent, but some, like angels and demons, only have distinct scents when they've activated certain attributesor abilities; demon wings smell like fire and brimstone, which unfortunately means burning and rotten eggs. I like to think angels wings are like the love potion in Harry Potter that smells like the things you love the most. Mark and Ethan usually don't enhance it around each other because they smell like wet dog to the other)

This gets about 2k notes on tumblr. The reader likes it:

Ethan finally finding Y/N at the end of Hunting Down An Old Friend (2020) Colourised.

Other things to note regarding all this:

It takes a while to rebuild their friendship to the point where they're comfortable enough to be on camera together (eef and reader specifically).

However, the Unus Annus video is the first thing they properly do together, and the reader, in an effort to connect more and make up for the past, will join in multiplayer gaming streams if asked.

Impromptu duet in proximity Among Us of Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy, which has their respective chats and fandoms losing their minds, except it stops abruptly after the first chorus as they both remember the opening lines of the second verse (make it easy, say I never mattered -- those lyrics hit a little too close to home)

But also the reader convinces him to join him for a proper cover in like, February of 2021, and it's something deeply sappy (I'm thinking Bon Iver by mxmtoon because I think its sweet and fits them well)

Also Ethan being reminded that the reader is kind of a much bigger deal than when they'd been friends before.

designed to hurt (touch me) from their ep Working On It is nominated for a Grammy for Track of the Year, and n o s t a l g i a wins Best Pop Album (because it's my fic and I said so)

FIRST OF ALL designed to hurt (touch me) is a beautifully produced song about Corpse (which people do not know) and the title itself is literally making fun of something he said IMAGINE his reaction to it being Grammy Nominated 😂😂😂 God he'd be proud but lowkey fuming, meanwhile the moment the nominations are announced the reader tweets:

me: here is an album where I processed my entire world view including heartfelt explorations of the trauma of existing and oversharing in the public eye from a young age without the traditional barrier between audience and entertainer

the grammys: that's cute BUT you know the song you wrote to bully your boyfriend and also be horny on main for him before you guys were even dating? THAT deserves its own recognition.

meanwhile Ethan's like..... this is the same person who I filmed a video with playing cards against humanity, and you laughed so hard you almost threw up. I am very proud but deeply confused.

The Hot Meme of Late April 2021 is "2 time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" with a gif, still, or quote from the reader where they're just being an absolute chaos gremlin.

Of course we have "If I bleached my asshole for charity I'd do it tastefully."

2 Time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N speaking to their actual boyfriend in the year of our lord 2020: You are being executed for Clown Crimes.

ethan posts a short video to twitter simply of his screen where he's renaming a folder from "Never Before Seen Images of Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" simply changing it to 2 time Artist. The reader responds specifically to his tweet with a video of themselves asking Google how to hard reset someone else's computer.

So many screenshots from old videos surface that week.

I miss this world. Sorry this is rambly!!

#shut ur pretty mouth #how the light gets in #corpse husband x reader #your local homosexual with no chill #htlgi

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lilydalexf · 4 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Sophia Jirafe

Seven of Sophia Jirafe’s fics are at Gossamer, but more of her X-Files stories are at AO3 (as sophiahelix). I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Stones and Bones. She was active in the fandom during the show’s run and has never strayed far from fandom in general. She co-founded Glass Onion, a great multi-fandom mailing list that now has nearly 1,000 fics from 100 fandoms at AO3. Big thanks to Sophia Jirafe for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It did initially, but so many old shows are on streaming now and getting discovered by new people, it makes sense.

I did get a comment from someone who said my first story under this name, posted in early 2000 when I was a college freshman, was older than her by a couple of months, and THAT took me aback.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

It was my first fandom, discovered when I was 17 and searching for info about the show on the school library computer, and it really shaped my whole life! I met a lot of people I still know today (mostly in non-fannish venues like FB, though I do still have some connections in fandom), and learned a lot about writing and just life generally, since I was younger than most of fandom at the time.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I started off on a tiny forum at a website called Squirrel’s Nest, but I kept seeing people thanking Scullyfic in fic headers and eventually I was able to join the mailing list (which was capped to 500 members). Scullyfic was everything to me — I made friends, betas, discussed the show, learned about all kinds of things on Off-Topic Fridays, etc. A lot of those friends, I would email with or more often chat on AIM (individual or these sprawling group chats that would go on all day), and then at the end of 2001 we started migrating to Livejournal. I was getting into Buffy more by then, but it was still mostly the same crowd of people I knew from Scullyfic.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

I feel like it started me on a whole life path really — finding that my deep obsession with fiction could be channeled like that and shared with other people, as well as deepening my writing. Online fandom has been a major part of my social life for over 20 years now, and I love the mix of getting excited about things with friends and also the creative outlet.

My corner of X-Files fandom in particular was just very calm and enjoyable for the most part, full of older professional women who were happy to be friends and give me advice about all kinds of things, and it really set the bar for me with my online interactions. Now I’m almost 40 and trying to be that person for my younger friends, as well as having no patience for toxicity and in-fighting in my fandom spaces.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

A combination of the creepy conspiracy angle and just adoring Scully. I remember how mysterious and fascinating the show seemed when I discovered it right before S5, and there was no way to find out more except to keep watching and hoping they explained. Scully was so smart and tough and beautiful and interesting, and as a teen I was just captivated by her (and the UST, though I didn’t care about Mulder as much).

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I ran across it a couple times early on but felt embarrassed by the concept, but then I read the first in Karen Rasch’s Words series and suddenly it clicked for me. After a while I started daydreaming my own conversations between them, very similar to what happens to me now when I’m getting into a new pairing, so after reading tons of recommended fic by big authors, I started writing my own (the 3-4 stories I posted in high school are all wiped from the internet now, though).

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Good memories, though because it was my senior year of high school and college, I know a lot of it is just tied to that time in my life, and also being in my very first fandom. I will rewatch episodes from time to time, but I basically never revisit former fandoms because they’re kind of like exes, even if I finished on a good note. I also think my taste in fic has changed (and there isn’t the same novelty of “characters I like getting together omg!”)

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

So many! None of them had quite the same combination of excellent central architecture (especially pre-AO3) and a really high level of discussion and friendliness without being enormous, but I’ve loved them all in their own ways. I’ve done fandom on LJ/DW, Tumblr, Discord, and now on Twitter, and I think I miss the mailing list days the most. You didn’t have to repeat yourself so much in multiple conversations, you weren’t character limited, and the discussion was all in one place, with personal stuff more confined to your side conversations. Discord is a little like that, but it moves too fast and there’s too much noise for my taste.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Heh, after X-Files I went through a whole phase of faves in the Scully vein — Buffy, Aeryn Sun, Kara Thrace, etc. Like many people I’ve shifted primarily into m/m in the last decade (Sherlock, YOI, and recently The Untamed have been my major fictional fandoms, along with a lot of sports RPF), but for non-fannish shows I’m always looking for awesome new female characters, like Elizabeth on the Americans, Peggy on Mad Men, Nadja on What We Do in the Shadows, etc. And I do LOVE Killing Eve and have written a little f/f over there.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I’ll rewatch favorite episodes occasionally, and I keep thinking about a full rewatch but it takes so much time! I never saw the second movie, and I didn’t finish the first of the new seasons because I was hating it, so it’s a little hard for me to think fannishly about them when I disliked basically everything after “Je Souhaite” so much (as far as I’m concerned the show ends there).

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

X-Files no, but yeah I’m still very active in fandoms.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I lost all my saved fic several computers ago, but I recall loving “Blue Christmas” by Plausible Deniability and “Diamonds and Rust” by MustangSally (obviously everything she wrote was great).

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Looking at my X-Files fic, I can’t believe how short it is and how comparatively little of it there is (I have lost track of a few ficlets). It felt like such a big deal to finish anything back then! I think my favorite remains Alphabetum, which involved a tricky structure and 5 elements given by people as part of the Scullyfic Improv challenge, where you had a week to write a story around those elements.

My favorite of my recent fic in fictional fandoms is probably the GoT/YOI crossover novel I wrote a couple years ago, for a completely opposite experience to this (and proof you can grow as a writer with a lot of effort!)

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

It’s honestly hard to imagine going back (like I said, I usually don’t), but I guess I could get inspired by something.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I certainly still write, and I do have to give credit to XF fandom and Scullyfic in particular for giving me the start I got, where I really wanted to be writing good fiction. The few things I wrote in high school were just me jamming out romantic cliches, but the people I was lucky to know in XF fandom showed me that “just” fanfic can still aspire to be high quality. I am a much, much better and more disciplined writer than I was back then, but I might never have started on this path without fandom friends encouraging me.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Usually just daydreaming about emotional dynamics between characters/people, but sometimes something specific in canon or real life (I write a lot of RPF) gets me going, or maybe something I read.

What's the story behind your pen name?

When I wrote for X-Files, I picked “Sophia Jirafe” combining my favorite first name with a fancy spelling for my favorite animal (I was 18! Don’t judge!) Over on Livejournal, my friend Jintian and I initially shared an account with the same name as our website, double_helix, and when she got her own account I changed to sophia_helix, which is now sophiahelix just about everywhere. A little clunky, but I like the continuity (and I do run across old friends who remember the name).

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

The friends I’ve known for a very long time know about it, but we have never talked about it in depth. My husband, who I met not long after getting into fandom, also knows about it, and he’s encouraging and also a writer so we talk all the time. I told my mom in college and she was pretty dismissive, so we haven’t talked about it since (but my younger sister knows and is cool about it).

When I was younger, it was something I shared readily (I bonded with a new friend in law school I saw looking at LJ), but now I don’t really bring it up with new acquaintances.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I just made a Carrd the other day with all my various fannish addresses (Twitter, locked fannish Twitter, AO3, Tumblr)

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Just that it really was a high quality fandom — so much excellent long casefic, so many cool down to earth people, just generally a great launching place for a young fan. The friendships I made with older people were really important to me, and it makes me sad to see a lot of younger people now getting upset about the idea of anyone over a certain age being in their fandom spaces. I hope someday fandom can get back to appreciating that people of all ages can be the fandom type, and that everyone brings something different to the community.

(Posted by Lilydale on December 1, 2020)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #sophia jirafe

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ruby-whistler · 3 years

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Ok, I’m glad you could clear that up, just to specify I was talking about these very specific parts with what I was talking about:

. “Seeing this fandom dehumanize the character on such a large scale makes me sick and extremely worried for them, so shut up.”

You did in fact claim you were extremely worried for them. This could easily be taken as implying that you think it says something about their morals/actions/future actions based on how they talk about a very much fictional character in a post. Not cool. That was my only point there. If that’s not what you meant then good, no trouble here, but I’m just telling you because it can be interpreted that way, especially since it’s pretty common for people to say things like that in this fandom, sadly.

I’m glad you clarified the colonization thing, what you said makes sense. I figured you could of meant something like that, so that’s why I gave you the benefit of the doubt. People can totally relate because of their circumstances for any reason, it’s saying it’s canonically accurate when it is very much not which is kind of insensitive.

Your point about Sam was,,, weird? Your saying I can’t sympathize with someone who abused someone,,,, when dream is also some who abused some one. No where in that did I say it’s ok to abuse dream because of that, I’m just stating facts that yes, dreams actions hurt sam. Sam was very fond of tommy and no doubt hm having to deal with the guy who abused him, talked about abusing him, and then killed him would be traumatic for him. You can hurt someone while still being hurt by them. It’s not always a one way street. Again, that doesn’t at all excuse anything sams done, he’s done a lot of awful things, but it is a fact of his character hard boiled into his arc. It’s not exactly hidden away. Just like people are allowed to analyze why dream does the things he does, people are allowed to analyze why sams doing what he does. Doesn’t excuse it, but explains it. Here are some quotes from in game chat on foolishes stream that talk about this. Dream is not just “telling him what he did” he’s taunting him. This has been confirmed many times.

“He kills the other inmates. And laughs. And tells me to come in the cell so he can kill me too.”

“He tells me that he knows everything. That he is waiting.for the right day.”

He talks about at other times even earlier in the arc why he is so obsessedwith the prison. He feels like it is his duty to protect the people who he failed to protect before.

And I found the dream quote! He very much says forever. No questioning that.

“Tubbo, I’m gonna lock Tommy away forever, I mean I need him alive, but that doesn’t mean he has to be free, right?” There’s no reading between the lines that can be done there. He planned for tommy to have his current fate.

I never said you were hyper sensitive? I just said I personally deal with feeling like that (I often project into characters, and seeing people apologize for abuse makes me upset) so it was genuine advice to anyone who feels the same. If something is causing you genuine distress it’s good to take a break. No ones forcing you to, but it can help some people. No where did I imply that anyone was hypersensitive for having to do that? People who say stuff like that about characters should definitely stop, but sadly not everyone will, so it can be good to try and filter things/take a break so you don’t have to see it. Because it can take a toll on your mental health. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break, it doesn’t make you hypersensitive. And even if you are, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s valid.

The only reason I asked for you to wait if Anything I said upset you is because I really don’t want to get yelled at, and like I said, I don’t know you. I’ve seen people get really angry at critical asks before and it can help to take a step back before you respond. It was more pertaining to my sensitivity then any one else’s because being yelled at makes me upset so I really don’t want to be yelled at lol. It’s happened before in asks so I was just asking that if you feel like yelling at me please kindly don’t, or at least wait till your not angry, cause it will make me upset. Just a precaution. Sorry if it came off as condescending, I didn’t mean it that way (your response was fine btw)

ah, i think i see the problem - i need to stop with the confusing sentences, this is the second time in that single post someone’s misunderstood what i wrote. i hope you excuse me, english isn’t my first language.

There are literal abuse victims in this fandom, and I personally know a lot of them relate to what c!Dream is going through (more on that later). Seeing this fandom dehumanize the character on such a large scale makes me sick and extremely worried for them, so shut up.

this is the full quote. translation; i am extremely worried for the abuse victims that relate to c!dream’s character for *reasons*, so shut up about this not being a problem.

i never said i was worried for the people who dehumanize him, and definitely not because i was accusing them for this sort of thing bleeding into their real life ideals or opinions.

since our first debate, i have seen poc and non-poc from colonized countries detailing why it is colonization even if the of inhabitants were white, so i do not find it insensitive for people to say it - i don’t necessarily agree nor disagree too much either, but it wasn’t a point i was making in the post, and wasn’t what the problem was about.

please tell me when i said you couldn’t sympathize with c!sam, because to me it seems like you’re making up a point. i’m saying sympathizing with him in the situation where he’s currently abusing someone because you hate the victim (you being some people, not actually you) rubs me the wrong way and feels like people are trying to shift the focus. i am rather sympathetic to c!sam, or as much as i allow myself to be with his actions (similarly to c!dream). i’d like to think i do not have a double standard for any of the characters and c!sam apologists who do not excuse his treatment of c!dream or victim blame him are a 100% valid to feel the way they do in my eyes.

there is a difference between trying to protect people and that desire for protection blooming into hatred, as you put it “obsession” (being willing to break the rules to keep him in), and trying to “break him” so he “wouldn’t try anything”. c!sam’s treatment of c!dream is severe and i do not find it understandable, justified or excused just because the prisoner being kept in inhumane conditions is “taunting him”. i am not saying his goals weren’t initially good or didn’t stem from a good place, but at this point he has become corrupted and his actions aren’t what i’d classify as valid responses to c!dream’s “taunts”.

thanks for the quote. i disagree that he planned to put him in the same position as he himself, because my logical conclusion is that he wouldn’t he in the main cell, and would be able to move around the prison, as well as not be abused by c!sam (who would still be the warden). anything c!dream would’ve done is speculation and there is no proof to the fact that it would happen. the prison wasn’t “remade for c!tommy”, it was more like an “eh, it’ll do” sort of thing. the prison’s conditions were pretty much remade to store someone they hated and considered either a threat or a tool, hence lesser than human. no one else in the prison would face the same treatment c!dream, because they’re not c!dream.

i never said you were calling me hypersensitive, what i meant was, i was hoping you didn’t think my concerns were a thing of sensitivity rather than the need of the community to change something. i would rather continue making posts and analysis in an effort to actively shift the fandom’s perspective than take a break, but i get how that might be beneficial for me to do in the long term, and did not think you would write that with malicious intent or as an insult to me or my personality.

#my asks #discourse #c!dream critical #in ask #crit anon 2 #tw abuse #tw torture #c!sam critical

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thatmomentwhen345 · 3 years

Text

Ok ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

These last two weeks have been very emotionally exhausting because of finals and what I’m about to tell you and I don’t really know how to sum it up so I guess you’re getting the same treatment as my Facebook (this is copied directly from the post on there and was posted on December 12th for context)

(This is the beginning of the Facebook post)

You guys, I don’t know what to do.

You might have gathered from my last few posts, but I’m not okay. And it will sound like such a stupid reason to the majority of you. But I made an irreversible mistake back in 2019 that has been haunting me for the past week. This is the first time that I can remember regretting a decision this much. Was it my stubbornness, my closed-mindedness? Was it my see-it-to-believe-it tendencies? Was it my inability to learn from my mistakes?

For those who don’t know, on November 13th of this year, the YouTube channel Unus Annus was deleted from the platform forever. After one year of daily videos by Markiplier and CrankGameplays, it was all gone. The point of the channel was to remind us to use our time that we have alive wisely, because Memento Mori. Remember that you must die.

The channel started on November 15th of 2019, and, well, I don’t know anything about their beginnings. I just saw their introduction video in my recommended or on trending or something and thought, “Is that Markiplier? Shouldn’t he be focusing on his own channel? Who’s this other guy?” and moved on without a second thought. I occasionally saw their videos in the trending tab but ignored them. I didn’t even know they had such a big following. I thought it looked stupid and didn’t think about it until, well, the end.

A few weeks ago, my brother was watching the final livestream that would mark the day that the channel was deleted for good. I was in the room with the livestream on the TV, watching their final hours tick by, still not thinking about the channel at all. Just like, oh hey that thing that people were talking about, wasn’t it like, a cult? I didn’t think about it at all until... the fifth of December? Was it really only a week ago? That feels like a lifetime away now...

The YouTuber FootofaFerret released a video called “Pretending Unus Annus Isn’t Over” and I saw it in my reccomended. https://youtu.be/8SMpCbI9U00 I was like, hey, yeah, I remember that thing that ended. I trusted Foafy’s judgement because of his previous videos about saying goodbye to Steven Universe. So I watched it and don’t really remember how it made me feel. I just remember him saying that the Unus Annus fandom was in mourning and I was like “aw poor guys I’ve seen on TikTok some people are sad about it”. Foafy also suggested that people who were wanting more of the Unus Annus vibe to watch Mark’s Markiplier Makes playlist. I watched some of them and, again, moved on.

The timeline is fuzzy from here on. I’m still processing it, honestly. I think I might have looked up the Unus Annus theme (Turncoat by Michael Rothery) first? Then I think I found some compilations or clips from their videos and was like wow this stuff is funny. And then I realized that there are archived versions of all of their videos (that’s against the rules of Unus Annus for those who don’t know) and... don’t hate me... went looking for them. I watched two in full. I won’t say which two but just know that the second one I specifically searched out because I knew that they did a lot of random stuff on there and that there was a chance that they would do it too. And they did! It was a funny video. I realized how much of a fun dynamic that Ethan and Mark had and looked for more compilations. The more I watched, the more I realized that I had made a terrible mistake in 2019.

I had missed out on so much. And I couldn’t take it back without breaking the rules. The concept of Unus Annus intrigued me so much, all of the people involved on the channel worked so well together, they were all so funny, but now I could never experience it in full because I was stubborn and, well, thinking about other things this year. I could have jumped in at any point between then and November 13th of this year but I chose not to.

Monday was a rollercoaster. 1st stage: denial. I was like well this doesn’t matter, I’m not even in the UA fandom, it’s gone and I don’t care. But it wasn’t that simple of course. I kept watching the Markiplier Makes videos and the UA compilations and became particularly interested in Ethan. He seemed very genuine and sensitive and his on-camera chemistry with Mark was really entertaining. 2nd stage: anger. I was furious at myself for missing out. Those two videos I watched in full were just small teasers for what the entire channel was like. I hated that I couldn’t take it back. And I hated that if I did, I would’ve broken the rules and gone against Mark and Ethan’s wishes, which I also wouldn’t be able to take back. I was horribly conflicted. 3rd stage: bargaining. I desperately went after any content surrounding Unus Annus that I could without breaking the rules, and was still considering watching the illegal archives. I haven’t watched any more of them in full, but sometimes I watch parts of them in incognito mode when it becomes too much to bear.

Tuesday was... Tuesday had to have been the longest day I’ve had the entire year. 4th stage: depression. It was slowly sinking in, the gravity of my mistake. I was starting to realize how much of a phenomenon Unus Annus was and that it was so unique and had such a cool message and that it made so many peoples’ 2020 just a little bit better, but not mine. I then did what I always do and found my comfort in music. I put on a bunch of good songs that I hadn’t heard in a while and just... sat there painstakingly doing my math homework. I couldn’t concentrate on anything the whole day. Monday, either. The song Goodbye to a World by Porter Robinson came on and I was like hey, this song perfectly suits the way I’m feeling right now. I wondered if anyone else had made connections between this song and Unus Annus and looked to see if there had been any AMVs (animated music videos) about the idea and the end of UA. Lo and behold, this popped up and I watched it! https://youtu.be/-q-oByQWdlM It hit all the right spots and I just started bawling. What had I done? Why had I missed this opportunity to improve my 2020, just a little bit? Why had I missed this opportunity to get to know Mark and Ethan better? Everyone who had watched all of their videos could feel peace after the end, like Mark and Ethan. But I couldn’t. I could only forever regret my mistake. MY mistake.

Terrible things have happened this year, but all of them have been out of my control. This, however, was my fault. And I can never take it back. And I am having a very hard time handling that.

I don't know how many times I cried on Tuesday. The next song to come on after I watched the AMV was As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese which of course broke me even further. This song also perfectly encapsulated my dilemma. Later I finished my tribute drawing of the channel logo and felt the smallest bit better. The rest of the day is a blur.

Wednesday was better, I guess? I thought I had made it to the 5th stage: acceptance. I was still very sad and mad at myself but I was starting to realize that there was nothing I could do. I subscribed to Ethan’s channel and started getting to know him better. He’s so sweet and talented ☺️

But no, acceptance is still far away. Thursday and Friday were barely better than Tuesday. I painted my nails black and white as a way of coping. I went to a livestream on Ethan’s Twitch and it was really fun! I started watching more of his streams and on one of them he mentioned that his Twitch chat mods had TikToks. So I wondered if he also had a TikTok, which he does! I looked to see if he posted one on the day UA ended. The answer was no but he did post one the day after asking if someone with the skills required could make a mashup of the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance and As the World Caves In. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJqgyrkR/ I was like wowie this guys got taste! And so I looked up if there was a mashup. As a matter of fact, there was one by Clem Turner on YouTube that came out only three days after the end of Unus Annus. https://youtu.be/a5RTVoreSAY I cannot express how much I love this, what it made me feel, and how much it hurt/helped. So I commented on Ethan’s TikTok about it and only a few hours later a new comment appeared on Clem’s video. Ethan had seen it! So I’m just gonna assume I was responsible for that... not only that but half of the comments on the mashup were about Unus Annus as you can see below. I realized how big of a following UA had and felt bad (because of course the people who had actually been with UA the whole way would be grieving a lot more than me), but also, comforted by the fact we could all connect over the loss of something important to them, if in a lot of different ways.

I’m far from getting over this. I’m far from being okay. I’ve never really felt like this before. I feel like a different person than I was last week. But I wanted to write all this down to let it out, process it a little bit, and maybe get some comfort from you guys. It’s completely understandable if you didn’t read this all the way through so...

TLDR: Memento Mori.

(This is the end of the Facebook post)

What I just described really shifted a lot of things in my head in a way I didn’t expect and in a very short amount of time. So, long story short, my Steven Universe hyperfixation ended very suddenly because of an outside factor and I probably won’t be posting a lot about it anymore. Hope you understand.

(art by me but I used the official UA logo as a reference)

#personal #long post #my art #please read if you are wondering about the change of atmosphere

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ikevamp-shrine · 4 years

Text

Ikevamp boy’s with a suicidal s/o

Author: @ikevamp-shrine

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Character(s): Isaac, Vincent, Theo

Warnings: blood, self harm, attempted suicide

I really don’t like how I wrote Isaac’s, but I’m really tired and I wanted to put something out so... yeah.

1-800-273-8255 Suicide Hotline Number

Vincent

“You know... I shot myself.”

Vincent’s soft words that emitted from the direction of the door startled his s/o who was sitting on the couch in his room, a knife pressed to their wrists and tears streaming down their red, blotchy face.

“Vincent,” they gasped, dropping the knife, causing it to clatter against the paint stained hardwood flooring, as if it burned them to touch. As it fell the blade glinted in the sunlight as if it was reminding the painter of not only his past, but the present issue at hand.

Vincent sighed before walking slowly over to his lover and sat down beside them, pulling them into his arms, and staring at the bright blue sky outside. How was the sky so happy when so many depressive emotions ran through the two of them?

“I shot myself,” continued Vincent as he stroked the back of his trembling s/o, “there’s a rumor, a theory if you must, that a group of kids taunted me then shot me, and I lied by saying I shot myself to protect them.”

“There was no kids then?” The human asked quietly as they breathed in Vincent’s fresh, sunflower scent, calming the racing of their heart.

“No. There wasn’t. I also ate paint to poison myself,” the painter chuckled brokenly before continuing, “can you imagine that? Eating paint to try and kill yourself? Imagine how strange it would have been... walking in on me eating paint, the colors smeared all over my face, teeth stained different colors.”

His s/o began to cry softly once more, their body shaking every once in a while as they took in deep breaths. The sun was warm on their bodies... if only that warmth reached their hearts.

“Why would you do that Vincent?”

The blonde man shifted his stare to his s/o’s eyes staring up at him with hurt and sadness, his eyes softening as he reached a hand up to brush away a tear sliding down their face.

“The same reason you had that knife against your skin. I felt alone, scared, and well sad. I thought that if I left everything behind I would be happy... those around me who I thought didn't care for me, but only for my skills, would be happy.”

“How wrong I was,” Vincent laughed again, kissing the top of his lovers head, “the moment I laid on my death bed, I regretted every once of paint and lead I put in my body. I thought I was alone in life, I wasn't, and six months after my ‘death’ Theo died. I killed my brother because I killed myself.”

“Do you understand what I’m saying _____?” Vincent smiled down at his s/o after whispering the question.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t hurt yourself because you start to be a problem for others,” the human joked sarcastically as they rolled their eyes.

Vincent joined them with a small giggle before saying, “no, mijn schatje, I’m saying that no matter how alone you feel there is always someone there for you. You might not have them then and there, but they might be there for you in a day, month, year, or at the very end of your life. I’m also saying that you have eleven men just a few feet away from you that would do absolutely anything for you.”

“Sure, whatever you say. Though I doubt Mozart would even pass me the salt, much less do anything for me.”

Vincent sighed, shook his head before pulling away from his s/o, putting his hands on their shoulders, and spoke with purpose in his voice, “you have no idea how much they adore you, how they speak with love about you. Even Mozart talks about you,” Vincent trailed off, glancing to the side and muttering, “though in his own special way. Anyway... before you do anything to yourself again, or have thoughts about doing something, please come find one of us. We will listen, especially Theo- though he’ll never say it aloud, he loves you just as much as he loves me, and wouldn’t hesitate to be there when you need him.”

Theo

“Put the damn paint down,” Theo growled as he walked into his brother’s room and instead of seeing his bright brother, saw his s/o staring at a tube of oil paint with a familiar glint in their eyes. A glint he saw many times in Vincent’s eyes before he tried to take his life only to end up prohibited from painting and put under watch.

“Why should I Theo?” They mumbled still not completely out of their trance.

Not answering, Theo stalked over to his lover before gently picking their fingers, one by one, off of the paint. The gentleness of Theo’s touch shocked the human out of their trance, his fingers lacked the usual roughness and it brought stinging tears to their eyes. One shaky breath and their legs fell out from under them as Theo’s s/o plummeted to the ground. Theo followed them, roping his arms around their body that was rattling from their sobs.

“My brother did the same thing,” Theo whispered in his lover’s ear after a few moments of hearing nothing but their chocked sobs, “he would eat paint to try and kill himself.”

“I’m so sorry Theo... sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Look at you Hondjie, such a blubbering mess you are,” Theo chuckled as his incredibly soft eyes stared into his hurting lover’s as he once more delicately touched them, wiping tears from their cheeks.

“Nice Theo.”

Theo laughed again as they still kneeled on the floor, holding each other.

“_____, will you tell me what’s got you so riled up?”

“I don’t know... to be honest. Every since I was young I would have... episodes,” they said struggling to find the right words, “ episodes of just overwhelming sadness. It was almost like a hole in my chest I couldn't fill. I wouldn’t eat, I couldn't sleep, I felt like I couldn't breath, and I just felt so alone.”

“I tried to take my life many times before, but I never could finish it,” they sighed deeply, “I was sad I was alive, and angry that I was too scared to end it. Pathietc right?”

“No, love, not pathetic at all,” Theo whispered as he picked his lover up and walked them to his room not far from Vincent’s before laying them down on the bed and pulling the covers up to their chin, tucking them in tightly to make them feel grounded.

“I’m not good with words, ____, but I do know that when my brother was going through an attack what calmed him down each time was a long walk under the warm sun, a hug, and a nice chat,” Theo spoke gruffly as he took off his scarf among other things and crawled over the bed and covered his lover’s body with his own to add more weight onto the blankets.

His lover yawned in his arms, exhaustion in their eyes, as Theo ran his calloused fingers through their hair.

“Go to sleep Hondjie, I’ll be here to protect you now and forever.”

After a few moments of comfortable silence Theo whispered, “what am I going to do with you, you little trouble maker,” when his s/o finally closed their eyes, and their breathing shallowed as they entered the dream realm.

Isaac

“My god,” Isaac whispered horrified at the amount of blood staining the carpet below his lover’s feet. Isaac, before, had been walking to his s/o’s room to retrieve a tool he had left behind the night prior. He had expected to see the human he had fallen for getting ready for bed or maybe writing as they did every night, but little did he expect to see a knife in their hands as they stabbed themselves in the thigh to hit an artery. Though luckily, they had missed.

Shooting off towards his paling s/o, Isaac barley even noticed the overwhelming scent of the blood that coated his hands, clothes, the floor, and his s/o, as he put enough pressure to bruise on their leg to stop the bleeding.

“What are you thinking _____?!” Isaac rushed out as the panic began to rise in his throat at the blank expression on his lover’s face. Ripping a long strip of the sheets on the bed close to them Isaac gently pushed his s/o down to lay on the floor so they wouldn’t pass out and fall.

“I wasn’t- that's the problem Isaac, I just feel blank,” their raspy whispers triggered something in him. Isaac couldn’t exactly put a name to it all he did know is that it was suffocating.

The physicist took in a deep breath to say something more when the scent of blood finally hit him full force. His fangs pulsed just like the blood pumping out of the wound on his lover’s leg, his pupils dilated, his breath quickened as he could slowly feel himself lose the already weak grasp on his self control.

“... Arthur... ARTHUR!” Shouted Isaac when he noticed his s/o’s eyes flutter closed.

“What Isaac- oh dear god,” Arthur huffed when he finally made his way through the door, only to run back out to grab his medical bag he kept in his closet, “KEEP PRESSURE ON IT, HARD PRESSURE!”

After many anxiety filled minutes and several stitches later, Isaac was sitting on a chair beside the bed, still in his lover’s room, watching as their chest rose and fell gently from under the warm covers. He sighed, running a hand down his stressed face, and closed his eyes, listening to the owl hooting and the crickets playing their song outside.

“... Isaac,” came a small whisper, sounding almost like a plea for help, or a break from the loneliness.

Shifting his tired eyes over to his lover, regret clear as day shining in their eyes, Isaac responded, “hello.”

“I’m sorry,” they said lolling their head to the side, hiding their face from the vampire.

“What are you doing?” Confusion was prominent in Isaac voice, just as much as his lover when they spoke next.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean why are you trying to kill yourself and take yourself away from me? Did I do something wrong?”

“...did I scare you?” Isaac questioned hesitantly, “are you lonely?”

His lover quickly looked back over to Isaac and shook their head furiously, “no Isaac, you didn’t scare me... I just... I don’t know, never mind.”

Isaac’s s/o sat up and threw the blankets off of them, sending a strong gust of blood scented wind his way, before he could stop them. Once more Isaac felt himself losing control as he growled out lowly, face flushed as red as the apples he is made fun of with each day, “never mind what _____? Damn it all, you have no idea how bad I want you, how much you make me lose control.”

“Show me Isaac, cause right now I really need someone to tell me how much they need me.”

“You know what _____? I’ll make you a deal- you tell me how I can help you and I’ll... absolutely ruin you,” muttered Isaac as his face got an even deeper red. He felt as if he was doing this all wrong, helping his lover that is. For Gods sake they just stabbed themselves and he is telling them he would screw them if they told him what was wrong. At least then he would have some idea as to what to do.

“Deal.”

MASTERLIST

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikemen series #ikemen vampire theo #ikevamp theo #ikemen vampire vincent #ikevamp vincent #ikemen vampire isaac #ikevamp isaac #ikemen vampire fanfic #ikevamp fanfic #ikemen vampire fanfiction #ikevamp fanfiction #ikemen vampire drabble #ikevamp drabble

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all-fandom-writing · 4 years

Text

All about you - Z.K.

via https://prettymuchs.tumblr.com/

Warnings: smut, but with -1000 plot. Oral (male receiving). A bit of dubcon. Maybe some fluff if you squint

A/N: I was thinking about quarantining w/ Z and what that would entail. I’m conflicted… cuz I wanted to make this a full smut, but it got too long. So hope you enjoy this anyways!!

At four a.m. a heavy forearm laid across my stomach, that was what woke me up. Not the giant, warm body pressed against my back. Not the thick, rigid weight being ground against my ass. Zion pulled me closer to him under the sheets, whining slightly into my ear. I giggle a little, he’d never made that sound before, it was always deep moans or puffs of air. But this, this sounded vulnerable, like he was so turned on it hurt. Even in his sleep, his gyrations were deep and almost commanding, so hard to describe but I remembered them penetrating me just a few hours ago and suddenly I felt myself getting wet. I was moaning through the laughs, I’d woken up to Zion in between my thighs more times than I could count. But never to him like this. Usually whatever we did in the mornings was just about me, he swore up and down that he hadn’t had a wet dream since puberty. I thought that was so odd, but he claimed he just saved all his arousal for when he was awake. I was brought back to the moment, his arm constricting even further around my midsection, it was getting harder to take deep breaths. Heavy, hot pants were lapping at my neck. He was getting close.

Just then he muttered my name into my ear, along with more pants. I could barely hear it but he was calling out for me. Not some supermodel, or a girl he’d met at a party. But me. It seemed a bit dumb to be impressed or complimented by my own boyfriend having a dirty dream about me. But it was nice to know Zion was loyal even in his fantasies. I had been content to let him ground out an orgasm and go back to sleep, talk about it at a more reasonable time. But now, I felt an undeniable urge to bring him to the finish line.

I unraveled his arm from my stomach slowly. He bucked against my hips and grabbed at me with his hands, whining and tossing, but his eyelids stayed closed. For now at least I had the element of surprise. I took the clean, white sheets with me as I slowly lowered down the bed. I cocooned myself in the blankets, giggling slightly at the situation I’d found myself in. Z had neglected to shut the shades so the moonlight streamed in, highlighting the ripples and dips of his stomach beautifully. The flat plains, muscular curves, it was all so perfect. He was always concerned about his stomach, maybe it came from his childhood. But the way his skin looked, pulling and moving as he twisted his legs in the sheets. Head thrown back, back arching off the bed, nearly begging for a release even though he was still asleep. He was the most sinful angel I’d ever seen. I pecked his hip bones as I pulled his underwear down, one on each side. I sucked a hickey into the left one, right on the tiny tattooed heart, the one we both had. It was a drunk mistake that we’d both blamed the other for letting happen, but I grew to love the dumb decision. It looked so beautiful and delicate against his skin, it was nice to think I was the only one who knew this was here. His entire life on the internet for the whole world to see, but this little thing, only I knew about, our little secret. Frankly it looked even smaller next to his member, dwarfed even further. Speaking of which, I slicked up my palm with spit and wrapped it around the base, pulling slowly, stroking up and then quickly sliding back down. I sucked on the head for a second before my eyes drifted back up to the valley of his torso. I kept my hand moving, at a slow pace, while placing kisses up his happy trail. I let my other hand fall to his balls, rolling and squeezing lightly in my hand. This got the heavy breaths back, arching his head back even further. I swirled the tip of my tongue around his belly button before nearly launching myself at the exposed skin of his neck. Sucking a love bite into the column of his throat, I stroked faster. He moaned my name into the bedroom, polluting the room with sinful sounds and chants of nonsense. I felt when he woke up, I finished my work on his neck, kissing my way back down his chest and then stomach. I twisted and jerked my hand faster and as tight as I could as I made my way down his body. Though it was hard to get a proper grip, his skin was wet with a mix of spit and precum.

“Baby, holy fuck.” He was fighting to open his eyes now, the pleasure and delirium seeming to win for a bit. Finally, his long lashes lifted and I was met with the most beautiful sight. I took him completely down my throat in one go, there was still a need burning within me to satisfy him, to give him this as best I could. I brought both hands now to wrap around his base and pump in opposite to my mouth so I met my hands in the middle of his shaft. I kept my eyes locked on his the entire time. Z’s eyebrows were furrowed and he was alternating between biting his lip and opening his mouth to moan.

“Ma… fuck, I don’t think I’ve got much longer in me.” He managed to bite out.

I thought it was sweet he was trying to warn me, even though I knew his body probably better than he did. I nuzzled my nose down as close to his pubic bone as I could manage, one of my hands going to roll his balls again and the other gripping his thigh. I closed my throat around him, pushed myself even further down. My eyes began to water so bad, I was blinking back tears. But I held eye contact until he broke it, one final pulse of my throat muscle and a moan around his cock and he was done. He moaned and bucked his hips, grabbed my hair into a messy ponytail and held me in place as he came down my throat.

I waited for a couple seconds before pulling off. I kissed his head a couple times and held the shaft in my hand as it softened. I laid my check against his hip. My eyes completely trained on his dick, I stroked a couple times, lightly, and he groaned, trying to push my hand away. Giggling, I looked up to him. He looked spent, dreads all in his eyes and breathing heavy.

“What’s so funny, princess?” He brushed his thumb under my eyes, wiping away the forgotten tears.

“You said you didn’t have wet dreams, but I woke up to him drilling into my ass.” I laughed, keeping my hand in place and squeezing for emphasis.

“Fuck,” He huffed, successfully batting my hand away finally, “Sorry Ma, my head must’ve been stuck in last night’s session.” He smirked and didn’t look the least bit sorry.

“Yeah? You were moaning my name pretty loud, probably woke the neighbors,” I giggled, kissing my way up his chest between every other word, “They’re never gonna wanna be quarantined next to us again.”

“Well maybe next time we’re practicing social distancing, we should do it in a house, with lots and lots of land around it. Then you can be as loud as you want.” He smiled into my lips. Our teeth clashed but he still managed to have his tongue in my mouth, smoothing over mine, tasting himself.

I pulled away, “Actually, I seem to remember it was you, moaning and yelling my name, just a couple minutes ago.” He laughed at that, his teeth a blinding white under the moonlight.

I was made aware of my core very suddenly and he shifted his leg, thigh meeting my dripping center abruptly. I whined, my face falling into his neck.

“I think I might have one more round in me, only for you though princess.”

✶✶✶✶✶

A/N: Can you tell I’m trying to write w/o Y/N? I’m trying not to make it uncomfortably obvious, but also pet names are the best so… I write for almost any fandom, I’m also down to give and receive recs, or just chat! Have a lovely day :)

#zion #zion kuwonu #prettymuch #prettymuch smut #zion smut #zion kuwonu smut #x reader #blow #job #quarantine #4/01/2020

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n-ugg · 3 years

Text

I didn't expect to get tagged but here we are. As you all will be able to tell in a bit, I am a massive Quackity fan

Thank you for tagging me @skeetlehands!

who is your favourite member on the smp?

Look, I love them all but these have a special place in my heart.

Quackity, Slimecicle (I am fully aware he just joined but I still love him), Schlatt, Tubbo, Eret, AweSamdude, and Ponk.

They're just great in and out of character and just have comforting vibes.

when did you first start watching the smp and what made you get into it?

I gotten in during the Pogtopia era since it took me a while to get access to the streams.

I mainly gotten in with the Sad-ist War animatics along with me trying to catch up on Quackity's VODS. Just someone that I was already familiar with being an easier shift into story and learning others through him

what is your favourite part about watching the smp?

Just watching everyone interact with other and just seeing the plot progress in real time. Its literally just dnd but with extra steps but I enjoy it so much

The improv that they all do is amazing and how everyone have different approaches to their characters makes my writer's side so happy with dissecting everything.

What piece of cursed lore is your favourite

That Wilbur canonically fucked a fish and Philza canonically fucked a Samasung fridge and just seeing the fanbase try to change into something that will at least make a bit more sense.

Im included in this, I basically joined the side that has Sally being a mermaid shapeshifting pirate. Mainly because of pirate Fundy

Who is your favorite duo on the smp

Slimecicle and Ranboo: They're the same person but in different fonts, you can convince me otherwise

Schlatt and Quackity: They managed to be super funny together with all of the jokes and balanced with making a very realistic abusive relationship work. It was always fun seeing them flirt with each other for a joke then get hit with whiplash when canon comes in to remind me that this isnt healthy

Tubbo and Tommy: They're two dumbasses who share the same braincell but then they constantly lose it and Tubbo mainly has custody of it

Wilbur and Schlatt: I just enjoy seeing Schlatt messing with Wilbur and occasionally flirts with him to get Wilbur more pissed off

Who are your comfort streamers

Quackity and Slimecicle are comfort streamers

Eret, Fundy, and AweSamdude are my comfort people (meaning I dont watch them as much but I find comfort in their presence. And the other two are also under this category)

Who is your favorite character

Quackity due to how complex his character is and yet how it looks so simple

Schlatt because is just a villian who knows how to play the game without getting caught

Tubbo, watching him trying to be hopeful with everything destroy around him and he just slowly become used to everything going wrong

AweSamdude because he is just trying his best to be a father figure others and I just got family issues

Who do you think the best actor(s) on the smp

Imma skip over the ones that we all already said and get into the ones that dont get enough praise

Quackity: Just how he managed to make his character seem so basic but in reality its really complex. And just seeing the shift from him being a chaotic force of nature to being a serious character that is trying his best to reach something that has been hanging over his head is just *chefs kiss* and he always delivers amazing lines on the spot.

BadBoyHalo: He is doing great right now, even though he is a bit rusty with starting he still manages to get into character and stay in character the entire time. When slowly easing in, you can tell its a bit forced but once he finds his footing, he knows how to deliver his lines.

AweSamdude: His entire bit where he was getting rescued from the egg fucking hurt. How he sounded weak from the entire thing and tired to where he just wanted to rest was so well. And I know he can act more energetic when he was accidentally dragged into playing a cop during Quackity's and Bad's date

Fundy: You guys need to give him more praise for his acting because he is fucking amazing at it. The little touches to how he voice when speaks is so good along with his body language in game. He knows what he's fucking doing and I love him for that. And when he snapped, it made complete sense if you payed attention to his character

I didnt add Ranboo because he's automatically at the top section due to him being a dnd player. Same goes to Slimecicle even though he hasnt acted yet. I dont make the rules. You play dnd, you know how to act

What are your favorite quotes

I dont have favorite quotes, just dialog heavy scenes.

Before Doomsday, Quackity going to take his horse far away from L'Manberg, it being the one thing he cares about. It was just so good

The entire Schlatt and Quackity argument in front of the white house

The meeting between Schlatt and Quackity with Schlatt yelling out to him in a taunting way to where Tommy and Quackity are trying to figure out what happened to the tnt. I constantly rewatch it to feel the adrinaline pumping to feel something

Wilbur's slow descend into insanity and talking to Tommy. Just showing his paranoia and fears consuming him, him projecting his fears into Tommy as an attempt of manipulation, and his hero complex shift into villian one

Schlatt's winning speech of him projecting it as something that was bound to happen no matter what. The amount of charisma and confidence that was in his voice as I was watching Tommy hiding underground in fear was just a perfect scene

Tommy's argument with Dream when everyone is protecting Tommy. Its the small details of Tommy taunting Dream to kill him, knowing he wont no matter what. Him telling everyone to protect Tubbo and everyone listening without hesitation.

The debate that Quackity and Dream had for like 11 or 14 minutes. All of that was completely unprompted unscripted, it was just so satisfying seeing someone stand up against Dream for the first time and actually beating him. Sure it was in a verble conflict but it still counts as a defeat

Be honest, who do you simp for? (Ayo if anyone says Tommy or Tubbo I will🗡)

Schlatt, Quackity, and Slimecicle

Its pretty obvious, I dont really try to hide it

Whats your favorite stream

Uhhhh I dont exactly have one so none I guess

Whats your least favorite streams

Im sorry, but all of the Jackbox stream. You need a specific group of people to play together in order to actually make it funny and keeping the energy throughout the entire thing.

After a bit later, everyone has a tendency of pandering to the audience and repeat jokes. They managed to beat jokes to the ground faster than Tiktok AND Twitter.

Dont get me started with DreamTeam being in there. They're funny in thier own rights but the shipping jokes get so unfunny so quick and they dont know how bounce off of others well. The only exception to this is when Quackity, Velvet, and Ant were playing with Sapnap and Dream. And thats because they decided to mess with the straight white guys into accidently saying offensive shit and seeing those two suffer with trying tiptoe around was so amusing

Whats something about the smp fandom thay makes you sad

This doesnt get me sad, just frustrated and its mostly towards dsmptok and dsmptwt but sometimes this fandom doesnt fucking know how to analyze characters. Like when everyone jumped on Tubbo on being the bad guy when he was a kid trying to use old tatics that knows that worked before and stand up for himself

How when one person decides to do something that they believe is right, everyone just throws the term villian arc around

When one person does one good thing the suddenly everyone accepts into them being good and not ever looking into it.

For fucks sakes, I saw people keep saying that Quackity was turning into Dream or Wilbur and I just sat there being confused on how they conntected those dots that were in different books.

Its so frustrating to read through. But here on dsmpblr, you guys actually understand character analysis, are able to critique them and able to love whoever you enjoy.

Another thing is how this fanbase really puts everyone on a pedestal or objectify them. Just completely forgetting that they're human and treat the streamer as a character. Like, yeah they're playing up a persona whenever they're making content but theres a difference and you shouldn't hold them up like that.

You cant use the argument of "They're young, they dont know any better", when I first entered my first fandom (I was like 11/12), I fully understood that theres a boundary between me and the creator. What they are on screen is a persona but they're still human and I should treat them as such. Its just something that bugs me and its unnerving to see whenever people start getting wierd about it

Final bit is just how the twitch chat acts. They all force the streamer to follow the 'main' plot of it being Tommy or Techno or whoever the fandom chooses to have a favorite, completely ignoring the fact that they are their own character. No one wants to meta game because where is the fun in that but the fucking chat gets so annoying when the streamer goes against fanfavorite of the week. It drains the fun of it being multiple pov's and different characters.

When Slimecicle was barely starting stream I saw so many people spam "Go with Ranboo" and not let him even get into lore first. I hated that I knew it was coming but it was still so fucking frustrating seeing them try to boss him around. Please just let people live outside of the 'main' plot, not everything revolves around your favorites. Now shut the fuck up and let them play

What about the smp fandom that makes you happy?

The people that create art, animatics, theories, playlist, or write oneshots

All of you creators are great and deserve so much more respect then what the fandom gives you because jesus fucking christ they're all so fucking rude. You guys are the ones that are carrying this fandom on your backs and I fucking respect yall for that

________________

Time for da spead: @nixavia @dambette404 and @mocha-is-lost yall dont need to join.....unless😳😳😳

#this is long as hell #sorry #ALSO THANK YOU SKETTLE FOR TAGGING ME #I THOUGHT I WAS MOSTLY AN ANNOYANCE TO YOU FOR CONSTANTLY SENDING IN SOME LONG ASS ASK #dream smp #mcyt

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

Note

Hey, I've been watching Sherlock since around 2014 I think, but REALLY got into the fandom a year ago, and I now started watching Rebekah's TJLC youtube videos, but it made me kinda sad because I missed the biggest time of the fandom and since s4 the fandom has become really quiet (but I'm so glad that you are still here) and all the TJLC videos are now after s4 somehow bittersweet. It's sad that so many fans turned away from Sherlock after s4. I'm still hoping for s5, but after the rumours...

(Part 2)...of s5 at the beginning of the year turned out to be fake I’m slowly losing hope. I still hope that maybe Moftiss will give a statement at the 10th anniversary of the first episode this July, but maybe I’m too naive for believing that. Do you think they will do something for the anniversary? I hoped that after Dracula the fandom would become more alive again, but to me it seems like this didn’t happen. Sorry for the rant, I’m just feeling a bit down right now because Sherlock really..

(Part 3)…means a lot to me, but the fandom seems now a bit extinct and maybe there won’t ever be new content. And everyone I know is slowly annoyed because I talk about Sherlock all the time and they are not really in the fandom. I don’t really know anyone in person who is a big Sherlock fan, and thus I can’t really talk with anyone about it. So I just wanted to share my view of the fandom right now and see what others think of the current situation, and maybe then feel less lonely in the fandom.

---------

Hey Nonny! *HUGS*

First of all, you’re ALWAYS welcome to stop by here and rant, and NOT feel lonely because our little corner is something pretty special, I think!! We all are here for various reasons, but mostly because we all love fandom! We don’t all agree or disagree, and we all respect each other’s feelings about S4 (love it or hate it) and we all respect how people feel when they return to fandom cautiously. It’s never too late to really get into fandom, and you can ALWAYS talk to any of us about the series like in the hey-days of the series :)

I’ve talked about my thoughts on S5 on this post here which also links to all my other S5 posts, so you can check that out for my thoughts. One of those I do briefly mention about the 10th anniversary, and I’ll be honest, I’ve mixed feelings about it... I REALLY REALLY would love for SOMETHING to happen on the anniversary (like, even just a little thing like Tennant and Sheen and the GO crew did for GO’s 30th Anniversary would be fantastic!) but I’m... not holding out home, you know? Even Mofftiss seems to have lost interest in Sherlock after the shifted to Dracula (which also didn’t do as well as they hoped), but acknowledgment would be nice at least. I think Arwel will acknowledge it on his insta. Other than that... eeehhh. I know people think a whole season is getting released... and while I have conceded in the past that it is possible if they double-filmed S4, I just... don’t think it will. Seems unlikely, given that something like Sherlock would at least show up on IMdB or one of the streaming sites’ “coming soon” list. You want to build up hype for something like that, that’s just how media works, and I don’t understand why some people can’t see that... Sherlock is one of BBC’s biggest money-makers, they’re gonna cash in on that, not post a super-secret-just-for-fans full season. Short little video like Many Happy Returns? Yes. Full Season? No. Sherlock is a brand, and brands are used to make money. Sorry <3

That all said, don’t be pessimistic. It could happen (I mean... look at X-Files many MANY years later), just I don’t think it will any time soon, especially with filming schedules, C-19 messing up those filming schedules, and interest in doing the series.

But never say never, I think is the saying.

Anyway, Nonny, as for needing to talk about fandom: you can with us :) And if you ever get a chance to go to a fan-run convention, DO IT. It’s so amazing and you feel like you’re in the world you belong LOL. But there are small communities here on Tumblr and Discord where you can chat <3 And you are always welcome to my inbox.... I’m SHIT at replying in a timely manner, but I try my best <3

I love you Nonny, and I hope you are doing alright. <3

#steph replies #johnlock fandom #s4 shitposting #my thoughts #fandom life #fandom love #chatting with nonnies #Anonymous

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missmeikakuna · 4 years

Text

Lilies For You- F/F Angst story

I wrote this for a writing contest on Amino and thought I should put it here. Rated: T Fandom: Original story Relationship type: F/F Description: Ruth has had feelings for her childhood friend Elaine for decades. After a falling out between them years ago, she has come to ask for forgiveness and confess to her with a bouquet of her favourite flowers.

Ruth took a few deep breaths as she walked up the stairs on the hill, a bouquet of lilies in her sweaty palm. She looked up at the stone steps in front of her and considered turning around. It wasn’t like she had to make her feelings clear. Shaking her head, she reminded herself that this was important. The day had arrived.

She slowly moved her wispy body up the steps, frequently looking down to ensure she didn’t fall and break her back. The wrinkles on her forehead became more visible as she frowned.

The day Ruth first met Elaine was perfectly ordinary. The air was at room temperature, with a light breeze and a few clouds in the sky. It was as if this meeting would not change their lives forever.

Next to Ruth’s neat blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, Elaine’s wild black pigtails stood out. A wide gap could be seen between Elaine’s teeth. Whereas Ruth had small, beady eyes, Elaine’s were wide with the spirit of adventure.

Elaine held out her muddy hand as she introduced herself. Ruth scrunched her nose at her but said her name as well.

‘Do you want to play with me in the sandpit?’ Elaine’s voice was squeaky.

‘Only if you wash your hands,’ Ruth said. Her voice was stronger and more authoritative but also had the high pitch of youth. Elaine laughed. Ruth built a sandcastle while Elaine splashed sand around like it was water at the beach.

After a bit of silence, Elaine spoke. ‘My mum said the Russians are going to bomb the world soon.’

‘What’s ‘bomb’?’

Elaine shrugged and continued spraying the sand about.

It only took a minute for Ruth to need a break. She panted while resting her hands on her thighs, bent over until she resembled a hunchback. She closed her eyes and listened to the little symphony of bird calls. It would have been calming had it not been for the laughter of the kookaburra, which sounded as if it was mocking her tiredness.

She waited for her breaths to return to a normal pace before continuing her journey.

Ruth leaned back in her chair with her feet on her desk. She brushed a stray hair back into her untidy ponytail and waited. And waited. And waited some more.

She eventually gave up on waiting, twisting her body away from the door. She refused to sit up straight even after the teacher told her to, earning her a painful ruler on the wrist.

Her sulking ended when she heard the door open. There she was. Elaine’s pigtails, a lot neater than they were when she was in primary school, bounced as she ran up to Ruth.

‘We’re in the same class again!’ Elaine squealed. She spoke with a slight lisp as she tried to move her mouth around the gold braces surrounding her teeth.

The two jumped up and down until their teacher told them to go to their desks.

Off in the distance, Ruth could hear the trickle of a brook. It whispered to her that she was relatively close to her destination. Her legs ached but she carried on.

She kept scratching her arm, wishing she had brought insect repellent with her. She was going to look like a pockmarked mess in front of Elaine if she wasn’t careful.

Ruth mustered the restraint to no longer scratch her itches. She looked down at her flowers and gasped, swatting away the numerous bugs that had inhabited her bouquet.

She closed her puffy eyes for a moment. The previous night, she had slept for less than two hours.

The pair of friends sat against an outside wall of the school. Smoke rose and joined the chimney as Elaine took puffs of her cigarette. Her hair was all over the place and one of her eyes had a big purple bruise.

‘Dad’s such an asshole,’ she muttered.

When a teacher spotted Elaine and Ruth and chased them, they giggled and ran around the grounds until she gave up. They sat down by the tree at the edge of the school grounds and Elaine put out her cigarette in the dirt.

‘I wish we could live together,’ Ruth said as she slid her hand onto Elaine’s. ‘Then you wouldn’t have to deal with him.’

Without even realising what was going on, Elaine pulled her hand away. ‘That would be nice.’

Ruth stared at her now cold hand. She eventually shifted her view towards Elaine, whose uniform was too small. This outfit, intended to be modest, showed curves it wasn’t supposed to show. Ruth wanted to touch those curves so badly she could die.

The thoughts that were by that point constant in her mind made her feel sick. She was unsure if the feeling in her stomach was butterflies or disgust at herself. Either way, she knew it was best to keep these thoughts to herself.

At night, she would often cry into her pillow after fantasising about her dearest friend. What would Elaine think if she knew her feelings? What would she do?

The sky became the colour of smoke and the wind sent a chill through Ruth’s body, blowing her long silver hair about. She had to take another break.

She sat on one of the steps and glanced down at the bouquet in her hands. The petals were already starting to droop. She knew this was going to be a terrible gesture. What would Elaine think?

As she stretched out her legs, she realised her knees were also aching. Her shoulders were tense and her heart felt as if it was stuck in a vice that tightened a tiny bit every second.

The bird calls were getting louder and with less synchronisation, creating a cacophony of squawks. Ruth could barely hear her thoughts, which were also out of sync with each other. She managed to calm down while focusing on the gentle stream in the distance.

She heaved her body up and resumed her journey.

The pot of lilies, Elaine’s favourite flower, looked beautiful in the window. Ruth gazed at them lovingly as she sat on the couch and kept that expression as her eyes moved towards Elaine. The woman with long and straight black locks was hanging their washing to dry. Ruth’s brown hair, darkened by years in the sun, was in a messy updo.

The walls of the apartment were covered in orange and yellow graphic floral wallpaper. They managed to get an old but inexpensive television, which stood in the corner of the apartment.

They had finally unpacked everything. At long last, they were in their new home together.

Elaine hung her last piece of clothing and turned to Ruth. ‘By the way, there’s someone I want you to meet. His name’s Blaine and I like him a lot.’

A shiver ran down Ruth’s spine as her heart dropped into the icy cold waters of her gut. ‘I… I see. That’s great.’

Ruth barely spoke when Blaine came over, looking down at her glass as she swirled the cheap wine around. Following the man’s departure, Elaine plopped down on the couch next to Ruth.

‘Are you doing okay? You seemed out of it.’

Ruth’s wine swirling sped up. ‘It’s fine. He seems lovely.’

‘I know, right?’ Elaine asked with large sparkling eyes that reminded the other woman of their childhood.

Ruth bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from saying something stupid.

Over the next few months, Ruth and Elaine would have a gay old time chatting away until Blaine came over and Ruth shrivelled on the couch. Elaine didn’t push it, thinking she was just not used to the new company. That is, until Ruth, drunk on wine, actually said something.

‘Blaine, do you worry about going over to our apartment at this hour?’

The man rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled. ‘Why would that be a problem?’

‘People talk. A man going to a woman’s home at night? Sounds suspicious.’

Elaine blushed. ‘Ruth!’

Ruth held out her glass and pointed at Blaine with the same hand. ‘I’d hate for Elly’s reputation to go downhill just for someone like you.’

‘Someone like me?’ Blaine asked with another nervous chuckle.

Elaine grabbed Ruth’s hand and pulled her to the kitchen. ‘What are you doing?’ she hissed.

‘Protecting you.’

‘From who? Blaine? Is that why you turn into a completely different person when he’s around? What’s wrong with Blaine?’

‘You don’t get it.’

Elaine put her hands on her hips. ‘Try me.’

The words rose up Ruth’s throat but something blocked them from coming out. Her hands shook as she grabbed Elaine’s sleeve.

‘I… I…’ When she couldn’t push the words out, she wrapped her hands around Elaine’s wrists and squeezed them. Elaine gasped in pain and tore her arms away. Ruth crossed her arms and aloofly looked away. ‘You know how men are. I’m surprised you can trust them after…’ her words trailed off.

Elaine’s eyes narrowed. ‘After what?’ Ruth gulped, still facing away from the other woman. ‘After what, Ruth?’

‘I just don’t get why you don’t have your guard up. I’m trying to keep you from getting your heart broken!’

‘You’re not my Dad! Stop trying to run my life for me!’

Ruth stepped back. She remembered the trail of bruises down Elaine’s body as a teenager. At first, she pictured Elaine’s father standing over the girl with a raised fist. He grabbed her by the collar and went to punch her when the father’s body transformed into Ruth’s. Upon seeing that image, Ruth covered her mouth, her face lily-white.

By the time Ruth awakened from her daymare, Elaine had already run out of the kitchen. Ruth followed her and saw her crying into Blaine’s chest. Ruth saw the soft judgement in Blaine’s eyes as he looked at her, the eyes of a parent who wasn’t angry but was disappointed. At that very moment, she knew she had lost.

She stormed into her room and started packing her things. Hearing the rapid opening and closing of drawers, Elaine rushed into the room.

‘Wait, I’m sorry! Please don’t leave!’

‘Get Blaine to live with you until the lease is up,’ Ruth suggested with bite in her voice, shoving clothing into a suitcase. ‘Since apparently our… your landlord is okay with him visiting the apartment at night so often.’

‘You don’t have to leave over a little fight like this,’ Elaine said, putting a tender hand on Ruth’s shoulder. ‘Surely we’ll get over it by tomorrow. Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic?’

‘It’s not about the fight.’ Ruth rolled her shoulder away from Elaine’s hand.

‘Then what is it? What could possibly be so awful that it undoes years of our friendship?’

Ruth didn’t say. She simply continued packing her belongings. She looked back several times before leaving the apartment that night.

Finally, Ruth made it to the top of the hill. A tiny bit of sunlight pierced through the clouds to illuminate the rows of gravestones. She searched up and down the cemetery until she found the right one, the one with Elaine’s name on it. She carefully kneeled by the stone and laid her bouquet in front of it. There were already several flowers by the tombstone.

‘Hello.’ Her whisper created a roaring echo in the empty graveyard, this place devoid of life. ‘I heard you were buried here and I had to find you. Happy birthday, Elly.’

Her fingertips brushed against the photo of Elaine on the gravestone, her wrinkled visage nearly unrecognisable to her. The date of death was 2019. She had been buried alone.

A lump formed in Ruth’s throat. Her cheeks began to smell like the sea as salty tears rolled down them. ‘I… I’m so sorry. You had nothing to apologise for. It was all my fault.’ She wiped her eyes with her arm but the tears kept coming. ‘You probably thought I hated you. I never did. In fact, I…’ The lump in her throat blocked her words until she swallowed it. ‘I loved you. No, love you. I came here to tell you that. You deserve to know.’

Ruth smiled softly. ‘There’s someone I want you to meet. Her name’s Bernice and I like her a lot.’ She listened to the brook as she waited.

After a few minutes, a stout old woman with short, curly grey hair reached the top with panting breaths.

‘Who is this person you wanted to see?’ she asked as she held out her hand and helped Ruth up.

Ruth rubbed her hand against the top of the tombstone. ‘An old friend.’ Bernice wrapped her arms around her and held her close as Ruth sobbed into her chest.

A few more minutes passed. The two kissed as they always did but Ruth still felt bubbles of joy float up from her stomach. She took Bernice’s hand and together they made the cautious journey down the steps.

#lesbian #LGBT #angst #romance #writing #yuri #lgbt romance #original fiction #drama #fiction #short story

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talltalesandbedtimestories · 4 years

Text

A View To A Winchester (Part 7)

Series Page

Summary: Julie’s starting a new life after divorce in a home with a very nice view.

A Dean X OFC story. I got this idea staring out the view of my home office window and thinking how nice it would be to have Dean Winchester to ogle. Gotten pretty cute and fluffy, with some angst. I’m a few sections ahead now in my writing so the outline of the story is taking shape and smut is on the near horizon. This has been a fun escape during stay-at-home orders. Getting to know Dean through my heroine’s eyes has been a great writing exercise and therapeutic reduction in anxiety. There should be studies done on what staring at photos and video of Dean/Jensen does to the human body. (But the SPN fandom has probably done one already; if not, it could be the next big scientific breakthrough.)

Section Word Count: 3,385

Section Content: fluff, angst, R-rated language, drinking, Spice Girls references, Dean being Dean and turning ladies to puddles

Thank you to @deanwanddamons for reading some of the story so far. Appreciate it.

~~~~~

Dean had not returned the next day. But Julie was apparently on his mind. He’d texted her that morning with an update. Another job had dropped into his lap. One too good to pass up. He wasn’t sure how long he’d be gone. But he was looking forward to seeing her when he got back.

That was on a Monday. She filled that day with decisions about what to make for her “girl power get together” scheduled for the end of the week. There was also the necessary recuperation from overdoing it with the wine. She hadn’t been that hungover in a while. Bingeing on caffeine and “The Office” helped.

By Tuesday, she’d become ancy. Staying home was not going to work. If her mind was going to run around in circles, there would need to be something else to occupy it. Rifling through options landed on a trip to a nearby state park. She’d decided on one with a bit of a challenging hike. Composed of winding hills and trails near the Brandywine River, the nature reserve filled her senses, balancing the whirlwind of emotions. She spent close to an hour sitting beside the riverbed. A turbulent spot chosen where the white water rushed over boulders and splashed into a slight descent. The river’s frantic pace cancelled out the chirping of busy birds. A gauge nearby displayed a healthy amount of rain had occurred over the past few weeks.

Even the intrusion into her personal space by a talkative, friendly dog walker didn’t bother her that much. The petite raven-haired woman, whose age was hard to pinpoint, made some chit chat while Julie trekked back to her car. Her name was Ina and she was new to Delaware. Currently, she was in search of a server job at a high-end restaurant where the tips would make it worth her time. “Any recommendations for decent food markets? Best place to order take-out, Thai being my favorite?” Ina’s chocolate lab, Cocoa, sniffed at Julie’s sneakers with abandon as questions were tossed in her general direction. Julie pet Cocoa, dodging some inquiries and rambling off information about places near her home. Cocoa got a few good scratches behind an ear before she wished Ina well settling into Pike Creek.

Wednesday ticked by even slower. Her fingers itched to text Dean. The basement had been the lucky recipient of her time and attention. A large amount of progress was made unpacking boxes, sorting out donations, and finding permanent spots in the house for decorative items. She broke down and reached out to her brother and sister-in-law, Patty, and face timed with her nephews later that night.

By Thursday, she went over her mom’s house. They ended up going to the mall and then shopping for the food Julie needed for her Friday night get together. She was reminded by her mother to feed the ladies well, with various cooking tips. Dean was also a large part of her mother’s focus. Julie feigned as much non-interest on the Winchester topic as possible. But her mother knew her well enough. She was reminded upon leaving to feed him the lasagna in the freezer soon.

Karen, Stacey, and Cat benefitted from a substantial number of Julie’s hours in the kitchen that Friday night. She’d attempted chicken parmesan, one of her mom’s signature dishes. Sauce had simmered on the stove for a couple hours - not as long as Brigida’s, but not bad. They were on the second bottle of red wine, having moved out of the dining room and into the living room. Cat, sensible and responsible as usual, was abstaining and had driven the other former college roommates over to Julie’s house.

Streaming radio played. They ended up singing along to “Holler” by The Spice Girls, sans Ginger. Julie had always been eager to take Posh’s lines, mainly because hers were few and far between. But, Karen, with her mocha colored skin, coiffed haircut, and pencil-thin skirt wrapping a pencil-thin body truly embodied the word posh. In spite of all that, Karen tapped away on her cell phone while covering Scary’s verses.

Julie had always admired Karen’s drive and dedication. She even hoped to get the divorce thing down as well as Karen. Her two teenage boys were spending the weekend at the Ex’s. She was heading up to New York by train to see her wealthy lawyer boyfriend Saturday morning. Karen made more money than “new man” did. She was a partner in a very successful law firm.

Stacey always loved Baby Spice. She had the requisite long blonde hair and blue eyes and curvy figure. She also apparently loved babies, as she had birthed three of them in her fifteen years of wedded bliss. The youngest child was two and at home with the rest of the brood that night. Her somewhat sickeningly sweet hubby was great with the kids, she gushed. “He doesn’t think he’s babysitting when he spends time with them.” She nodded and pointed at all three women in succession. Her affinity for wine had not faltered either from their college days. Stacey’s lips are already way too loose when she’s sober. Her rouge stained mouth was downright slippery at present, wet with a good Cabernet Sauvignon.

“Lucky you.” Karen quipped. “My ex went to the mat to get shared custody. Yet, every time it’s ‘his’ weekend, there has to be an argument.” Karen’s love for air quotes hasn’t gone away. She smiled over at Cat. “You should have tried harder to seduce me, Kitty Kat. Would have saved me decades of dumb dick.”

Cat, who always seemed relegated to Sporty Spice by default, pushed black rimmed glasses up the bridge of her nose. Her blue eyes crinkled behind the frames. “It wouldn’t have stuck, Kar.” She dipped and sipped at her soda. Sharp angles of her brown bob curtained a pale face. Stubby fingers with short nails - that she probably still bites - flicked the hair back. “Besides, I wouldn’t be happily domesticated with Sheila now. And you hate dogs. I have two, remember? Big ones.” Cat turned to Julie. “What about you, Jules?”

Julie’s eyes widened behind her own glasses. “Are you offering to try and seduce me, Cat?”

Karen and Stacey laughed. Cat blushed. “No, smartass. Are you going to get a pet to keep you company?”

Julie shook her head. “Don’t think so.” She was taking it easier on the wine than the other two, still milking her second serving. There would be no hangover repeat.

“Well, a man, then?” Karen asked.

Stacey guffawed. “It’s only been a few months. Give the woman a chance to grieve.”

“Grieve over what? A shitload of baggage she never checked on the flight.” Karen shot back.

Cat rolled her eyes. “Here they go,” she mumbled.

Julie cleared her throat. All three turned to stare in her direction. “There is… someone.”

Karen slapped her thigh. “That’s my girl!”

“Already?” Stacey’s lids blinked in rapid succession.

Cat waved a hand at Stacey to hush, looking at Julie the whole time. “Details.”

Julie began the very lengthy tale that was Dean Winchester. When she was done, she was met with mixed reactions from the trio.

“He’s been stalking you?” Karen’s brow furrowed.

“He’s a bounty hunter?” Stacey added her concern.

“What’s his name again?” Cat pulled her tablet out of the huge purse by her feet. She was a communications manager at a large non-profit and social media was her specialty.

Julie shifted in her seat. “Dean Winchester.” Defense mode shot up. “To be fair, it’s not like I was innocent in the whole stalking thing, either.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t go much beyond some Googling, right? He got downright illegal in his activity.” Karen shook her head.

“Hm.” Cat frowned. “You said he’s around our age?”

Julie nodded. “43, he said.”

Stacey wagged a sluggish finger. “Hey, we’re 40. Don’t age us all prematurely. Nature’s doing a fine job of that without any additional assistance.” Stacey’s starting to slur. May have to cut her off soon.

Cat ignored Stacey, swiping and typing. “I’m not coming up with anyone around that age with that name. Weird.”

“Why’s that weird?” Stacey asked.

“Everyone has a digital footprint. Something can be found on anyone pretty quickly. Even if it’s the smallest, inconsequential bit of data. But, to find nothing…”

Julie shrugged. “Maybe he’s good at covering his tracks.”

“Even more reason to be wary of this guy, Jules.” Karen attempted a maternal look. “He sounds like the epitome of a bad boy. Come on, a vintage muscle car? You’re a sucker for that type. We were study partners working on our Minors in Psychology together, remember? Think about it. Ten years with a man you thought was a good partner and reliable, only to have that rug ripped out from under you? I’d be searching for the exact opposite, too, faster than you could say peanut butter sundae.” No wonder she makes the big bucks. She presents a damn good argument.

“Karen’s right.” Stacey tried to sound soothing. “You’re in a very vulnerable state right now. Hormones are probably all over the place. Any guy with ill intentions could take advantage of that.”

Julie raised a brow. “If you saw this man in person, Stace… trust me, you’d be all aboard the Dean Train. Remember Gavin Teller?” Julie leaned forward for emphasis.

“Yeah?” Stacey squeaked out the question.

“Imagine Gavin having aged to perfection, like that fine wine you enjoy so much.” She pointed at Stacey’s glass. “Now, square that. You get Dean Winchester.”

“We all remember Gavin in his heyday.” Karen let out a low-key whistle. “Damn. I may have to reconsider my opening statement.” Her original career path of a prosecutor fell by the wayside midway through her college career. An enticing salary that could be earned helping clients buy and sell publicly traded companies won out.

Stacey shushed Karen. “College quarterbacks don’t turn into bounty hunters.”

Cat raised both hands in the air. “That is an opinion, not fact. And a totally ridiculous leap. Besides, Gavin Teller sells cars at his dad’s dealership now, is bald, and has a pot belly. His local TV spots are downright cringeworthy. Such a pain in the ass when his company sponsored one of our events. Wanted his cheesy grin inserted in so many media posts. How is that better than being a badass bounty hunter?”

Julie smiled at the tension and exchanged a knowing glance with Karen. They had long suspected there’d been some sexual experimentation between Cat and Stacey around college graduation. It had centered around a night of lemon drop body shots.

Stacey tilted her nose up. “He was always nice to me.”

“That’s because he liked how you looked in that cheerleading skirt, Stace. I know I did. But, really, Julie… you should be careful.” Cat repeated the other’s concern.

The doorbell chimed. Stacey gasped and Karen’s posture stiffened. Cat returned the tablet to her purse.

“Did you order more food?” Nervous laughter from the ladies followed Cat’s question.

Julie shook her head. She looked at her watch. It was not quite 7:30 pm. Seconds later her phone buzzed. She tapped at the screen to view the text.

Knock, knock

“Oh, shit.” Julie whispered.

“What?” Karen placed her wine glass atop a coaster on the coffee table. Even in high alert, the woman has good etiquette.

“It’s him.”

Stacey cupped a hand over her mouth.

“Dean Winchester?” Cat asked.

“Yeah.”

“Why’s he coming by unannounced?” Karen was in full-blown fact-finding mode.

Julie wrinkled up her nose. “I may have told him to stop by when he got back.”

“How desperate are you?” Stacey scolded.

“Stacey…” Julie sighed.

Karen raised two hands in the air with a smile on her face. “This is great.”

“Why?” Cat asked.

“So we can all get held hostage by Julie’s lady killer?” Stacey’s voice got higher with each word.

“We can vet him.”

“Vet him?” Julie groaned.

“Yep.” Julie had seen that stern nod from Karen countless times. “If he seems like a creep, you’re done with him. I’ll call in a favor to get a court order issued if need be.”

Stacey nodded. “Yeah. Between the three of us, we’ll be able to give you a decent character profile. And Cat’s not affected at all by men…”

Cat slapped both palms on her thighs.

Karen waved Julie to the door. “Hurry up and open it.”

“This is a horrible nightmare,” Julie mumbled. Her stomach was doing somersaults. What the hell will Dean think? What will the girls do?

“Your phone’s buzzing again.” Cat commented. “Anxious little bugger, isn’t he? What did you promise the man?”

Julie took a deep breath, her hand on the doorknob. The last rays of daylight sparkled through the etched glass. Maybe this is good. I may really need an objective opinion. After all, he’s probably not as irresistible as I’m making him out to be. Context.

When she opened the door, Dean greeted her with a full watt smile. “Hey there.” The two words slipped out slow. His hands held the cake box, fingers thrumming against the cardboard sides. “I was told to deliver this as soon as I got back.” His tongue darted out to the side for a quick lick of his bottom lip while he inspected her.

Damn. He was outfitted in a light grey, muscle-hugging t-shirt and faded blue jeans. Positively edible. Fuck context. She couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over her lips. This will be fun.

He stepped up into the entryway, not waiting for permission to enter. His hands offered Julie the box. She was careful to grab the box from the base. He glanced over her head and spotted the company in the living room. His eyes narrowed, tilting down to look into Julie’s eyes. “Sorry. Am I interrupting?” He whispered. “I saw the car parked out front when I drove into the neighborhood… didn’t recognize it…”

Julie arched a brow. “Were you worried for my safety? Or being nosy?”

He grinned. “A little of both.”

She nodded him into the living room. “Come meet some friends.”

He nodded in return and shuffled into the living room, hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders back, a swirl of timid confidence. The ladies were all up from their seats. The tiny living room felt even smaller with the congregation and Dean’s frame occupying some of it. Julie’s slow steps gave her time to take in the reactions, hiding somewhat behind Dean’s impressive stature. In his wake, she picked apart his scent. The heady mix of leather, sweat, and grease was sharp and crazy intoxicating.

Stacey’s mouth hung open in slight disbelief. Karen fiddled with her hoop earrings and gave Dean the full top to bottom to top inspection. Cat’s eyes narrowed.

When Julie strolled up to Dean’s left, she saw his cautious smile preparing to melt the group. “Dean, these are some college friends of mine.” Julie rattled off their names in order. “Karen. Stacey. Catherine.”

Cat smiled over at Julie, appreciating the replacement of her nickname reserved only for select company.

And, then, Dean unleashed the smile that Julie was certain would topple their wall of uncertainty. He extended his hand and shook each one with the right amount of strength. “Pleasure to meet you, ladies. I didn’t think Julie had any friends.” He chuckled. “She doesn’t get many visitors.”

“And you’d know that because of all the spying you’ve been doing on our dear friend, I hear.” Karen was ready to knock him down a peg or two right out of the gate. But the look on her face betrayed the lackluster attempt at disapproval.

Dean’s eyes widened and he stared at Julie. “Have you been talking about me?”

Julie pursed her lips.

Dean shrugged, intense eyes still on Julie. “Well, if you appreciated beautiful ladies as much as I do, you’d understand.”

Stacey cleared her throat, Dean reddening her cheeks even more than the red wine had. She looked in desperate need of fanning. “Where’re you from, Dean?”

The question pulled his gaze from Julie. He smiled at Stacey again. “Kansas.”

Julie tilted her head, wondering if it was the truth.

“Long way from Kansas.” Cat added.

“Well, I’ve been all over the country.”

The three nodded in unison. Karen asked, “Have you gotten a tour of Julie’s house yet, Dean?”

Julie’s eyes zeroed in on Karen with laser focus.

Dean licked his top lip. Julie caught Stacey and Karen taking particular notice of that sexy tick of his. Not the only one at the mercy of those physical attributes, am I, Ladies? “Um, no. This is the first time I’ve been allowed entrance into Julie’s compound, actually.” He pointed to the sliding door. “I’m usually relegated to outside chores.”

“Uh-” Julie started.

“We were getting ready to take a look around,” Stacey interjected. “Jules, why don’t we get the full narrated tour with Dean, here?”

Julie could feel her cheeks blushing.

“Oh, that’s…” He laughed, protesting with a shake of his head, “that’s okay. I’ll leave you ladies to your night. I was only dropping off this cake.” He pointed to the box Julie was still holding. “Still pretty damn tasty after a week.” He grinned at her. “I snuck another slice before bringing it back.” He rubbed a hand on his thigh. “It was nice meeting all of you.”

The three nodded again in unison. As Dean turned their gazes all dropped to stare at his ass. Julie stifled a giggle and pushed the box into Stacey’s hands. She met Dean at the door. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

He bent close to her ear and whispered, “You’ll have to let me know if I passed the test later,” waited a beat, straightened his posture, then ended with, “Jules.”

The light spilling in through the front door glass lit up his eyes a crystal green. “You’ve already passed mine.” She whispered back.

“Good.” He grinned.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” she asked.

His tongue peeked out only a sliver between his lips, revving up the grin even more. “Guess that depends on you.”

“Come over around 8:00.”

He tilted his head. “Is that a request or an order?”

She ignored the question. “Make sure you eat dinner ahead of time. Cause I’m not making any.”

Surprise mixed with amusement on his face. He glanced into the living room. The ladies were seated now, talking amongst themselves, but still staring at the pair. His gaze heated her back up when it returned. “Want me fueled up for any tasks in particular?” Julie shrugged in response. “Hm. Any other commands?”

“Just don’t disappear tomorrow.”

He nodded. “Yes, Ma’am.”

She sighed. “Don’t call me Ma’am.”

His eyes narrowed. “Kind of sexy when you’re bossy.”

She laughed, blushing again.

“And when you’re blushing.” He opened the door for himself, waved a hand to the women and then mouthed “See you tomorrow night” to Julie.

As soon as the door shut, Stacey called out, “I take back everything I said earlier.”

Karen added, “If you get kidnapped, give him my address so he can swing by and grab me, too.”

Julie giggled, walking over to the group. “Seriously, what did you think?”

Stacey’s eyes bugged out. “Oh my god! He’s gorgeous and knows how to use it. That’s dangerous on a ton of levels. But I don’t think he’s a crazy psycho.” Stacey fanned herself. “My husband’s in for it when I get home.”

Karen nodded. “Oh, he’s totally trouble and you’re in for an amazing ride. But, in this case, it’s not the destination but the journey. The journey all over that fine man, of which explicit details will be mandatory. Plus, he didn’t go for the bait to inspect your house. I think an under the radar creep would have been all for that.” She pointed at Julie. “But, we still get a tour as your oldies and besties.”

“Of course.” Julie turned to Cat. “What about you?”

Cat shrugged. “He seems alright. I still think he’s got stuff to hide, though. I’m going to do some serious digging.”

Julie frowned.

“Just looking out for you,” Cat added. “But he did have a really nice ass.”

Part 8

Series Page

#dean winchester fanfiction #spn fanfic series #supernatural fanfiction #spnfanficpond #dean x ofc #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester angst #spn fanfiction

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pacificwanderer · 5 years

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I wonder if the Force connections were still going on between TLJ and Episode IX because a year without the force connection and not seeing together is such a long time tho. But then I would want to see the drama between them once they finally see each other after not seeing the other for a year.

Hey Nonnie!

Yeah, I mean the drama would be great haha and I understand how it could be a compelling thing to witness for the audience, so I get the argument. I have a lot of feelings about Reylo, so I really am of two minds insofar as seeing them be angsty and in pain in canon is concerned LOL (as in, I don’t mind it in fanfic, but canon? MY POOR KIDS NEED HUGS NOT MORE TEARS), but don’t worry, I have zero impact on the outcome of the story, so my fluffy headcanons ruin nothing haha.

I’m going to try to get to a few anons that are similar in theme sooo, more under the cut:

There better be more Reylo scenes in IX. JJ needs to go all out when it comes to reylo scenes. I want them to touch each other more you know. Let Rey touch his hair and face. Let Ben touch her scar and untangle her hair. They also need to look at each other with knowing looks to signify that they are truly connected, they don’t need words to know what the other is thinking.

At the end of the day, it’s SW, not Star Romance (AS MUCH AS I WISH IT WERE OTHERWISE haha), but I’m sure we’ll get some good scenes to chew on. As far as I know, JJ enjoys romance and he’s pretty much the father of Reylo at this point, so I don’t imagine he’d go from what we got in TFA (where basically the plot was structured around these two characters having to meet), to like nothing in EPIX, esp given how popular their scenes were in TLJ (and TFA, tbqh). I am also majorly down for scar touching/reveals, SO DOWN.

I wonder if the teaser trailer that they will show in SWC would contain any hint of drama between Rey and Ben or just exchanges of dialogues but we don’t see them actually talking to each other because from what I observed from reddit and comments here and there, people are most excited of Rey and Ben interacting in IX.

We might get more than we expect! I imagine much of the plot (aside from the general, bad guys vs good guys fight!!!) will be kind of hidden. They do a great job with the trailers for SW and, instead of revealing the entire story, they just give us something to chew on for months (obsess over), and I prefer that. I hate watching trailers that literally give the entire movie away. Just makes me wonder why I should bother watching the movie at all! Whether people want romance between them, or just drama, I think both parties are going to be relatively happy when EPIX is all said and done.

I also fucking ready for the drama between Rey and Ben. I am pretty sure there will be screaming and crying and then when they finally calm down, they’ll talk civilly and voice out their feelings.

Haha! So many of you are super into the drama, and that’s awesome. I don’t know how much screaming there will be (considering Ben, all things considered, is actually really calm around Rey, which is pretty noteworthy, given how he is around literally everyone else), but she might be kind of pissed, given that she’s a little more angry than people seem to give her credit for (and that’s not a criticism on my part, I love this about her character). At any rate, I hope there’s lots of feelings in this movie. I’m such a sucker for feelings!

I hope we get to see more of Ben’s perspective in IX or he and Rey have the most screen time alone or together (is that selfish of me?). I recently just watched TFA and TLJ and we really don’t see much of him in either films despite being a co-protagonist.

I just checked the screen times for TFA and TLJ, and Adam has about 15 minutes in TFA and 23 in TLJ (Daisy has the most in both, 45 minutes in TFA and 33 in TLJ, respectively). I honestly hope that the plot is a little more focused and that the screen times are more balanced for the main characters (Fi//nn took a major cut in TLJ and I wish that wasn’t the case). I really do hope they focus primarily on the new characters, which seems to be a rather controversial opinion (and it’s my own and, as I have no impact on the outcome of the plot, lol who cares?). I have the OT for the original characters and the PT for their specific set of characters. I want to see more of the ST characters, but I’ve always been fine with story lines in SW that don’t center around the OT characters. We’ll see how it all goes!

Do you think if there is going to be a documentary, will they show the chemistry test between Adam and Daisy? I really want to see it. They have so much chemistry that it’s hard for me to imagine that they just winged it. I also imagined that they talk about how they were going to play each other off before filming TFA. Also do you think that both of them were already aware that their characters are going to be romantically involved before filming TFA?

I honestly don’t know that there was a chemistry test between Daisy and Adam. Adam was basically courted for the position, while Rey’s character was chosen after months of interviews and I think, given the timeline, they hired who they thought would work for the part. I think that John and Daisy had chemistry readings (they did, I was right) and, given that they had so much screen time together in TFA, that makes perfect sense (this interview also seems to imply that Daisy and Harrison had readings together too???). They’re great together. I think the hiring process for John was even longer. So, I think they wanted Adam regardless. We’ll have to see though. I’m sure they did readings together at some point (actually, I know they did because there’s video of them reading the script at the first table read).

As far as documentaries go, I HOPE SO because I love that shit. I know Ram and Rian have like 1800 hours of footage filmed from the production of TLJ, so I’d expect to see something like that pop up as a part of Disney’s new streaming service, Disney+ in the future.

As far as romance, apparently Adam has been working with one specific piece of information as to where it was all going, so I’m sure he has an idea of what the character is supposed to accomplish and why. As for Daisy, she was always really sweet and seemed to enjoy tf out of the Reylo fandom back when she was on instagram, so I don’t think the concept is foreign to her. And, given her response as to whether Kylo is redeemable or not leans pretty hard into the “he’s redeemable” camp, it wouldn’t be a stretch to assume she knows what’s coming too. JJ apparently also told her during TFA who her parents were, so this conspiracy theory bullshit about Rian retconing it is ridiculous. So yeah, I hope we do get to see more of the process because I LOVE that BTS shit and seeing how they all work and what were their motivating factors for the characters and seeing how things shifted from concept to movie–yes yes yes!

Cheers all! Thanks for the chat!

#epix speculation #reylo #asks and answers #long post #text #ask pacificwanderer #anonymous asks #yes I am trying to clean out my inbox a bit lol #tfa bts #tlj bts #Anonymous

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supercasey · 5 years

Text

Why I don't make many friends over the internet anymore

Alright, so, I know I've vagued about this a lot. I know I've been leaving y'all in the dark, and I'm sorry for that. I thought I could hold this all in until it went away, but she isn't going away, and I don't want to be angry anymore; I just want to move on and get better.

So yeah... This is why I don't try to make friends online anymore. This is why I don't talk online much at all. This is what happened. Take it as you will, all I ask is that you understand that I'm at my limit with this person, and I ask that you please don't harass her once you realize all that went down (if you even figure out who she is. She's sorta... infamous in the RvB fandom, and not in a good way). I just want her to leave me alone, and starting a fight won't solve this mess.

It started with a bad fanfic that I wrote.

...

I will not say the name, but I wrote it for RvB and it was... a vent story. On my alternate account. About... gross shit. I double guessed posting it at all but I was determined to vent about my fucking issues, and this seemed like the best way to do so. And, surprise surprise... It's my most well received RvB fic, and I'm not even taking full credit for it.

To make it simple, it's about age regression. No, it is not sexualized. No, I don't get off on it. Yes... I age-slide. I hate it. It hasn't happened in a bit here, but I still hate it, so I made a fic where the characters are forcibly made to age-slide and it's written out as the psychological horror that it's meant to be. Except... there was always this one Anon, the one consistently rooting for the villains. Even when the heroes were rescued, they begged for more time with the heroes kidnapped and abused. They loved their "pwecious wittle babies UwU" and wanted nothing more but for the torture to continue.

I... humored them. I joked and bantered, but nothing was done. I never undid the rescue, and while the characters were still very much suffering from the results of their kidnapping, they were actively recovering, and I loved it. The small crowd of regulars I had following my story were pleased, and always willing to give me support. I felt validated. I felt good knowing that I was able to expose age-sliding in a way that wasn't grossly sexualized or enjoyed. While the characters were happy at times, it was a naive happiness, and it was made clear that what was happening wasn't safe or okay.

A few months pass without an update. I've grown a bit tired of the story, still plagued by self doubtful fears of my work being perceived as some sexual bastardization of a story. Then, one day, I get a message on Tumblr. I don't recognize the username but... they found me out. They knew it was me writing the story (to be fair my style kinda stands out in the fandom, not to mention that I'm bad at lying) and they wanted to talk about it. I was, of course, fucking terrified. But, to my utter surprise... they liked it. And they wanted to discuss my thoughts on it!

I was estatic! Finally, someone who understood! Someone who I could talk to about this horror story that means so much to me! However, it soon became clear that we interpreted the story... very differently. Where I used it as a means of venting and exposing the trauma of unwillingly regressing at a moment's notice, my newfound "friend" loved the "baby fantasy" and wanted to "adopt" the main characters, especially the boy.

I kinda just... enabled it. No, I encouraged it. I was so desperate for a friend, I actively wrote little things for her where the age-sliding was more consensual/enjoyable, all while wishing for it to go back to being an insight on abuse. But it never was about that; it was about fulfilling her needs and making a baby doll for her to fantasize about.

Before long, we had been chitchatting back and forth for a few months, and eventually over a year. I was happy, or at least, I convinced myself that I was. I struggled to respond regularly so it wasn't that bad, right? I wasn't always around her so I couldn't be that upset, right? Time passes, I idly mention having an online friend to my family and they, the loving family that they are, support me. They're amazed that the loner of the family has finally made an actual online friend.

Suddenly, talk of meeting face to face becomes commonplace. She's in Washington and I'm in Michigan, so I figure it's never gonna happen. I'm wrong. The year is 2018, and February's just hit. Talk of RTX has started, and I, a shy little RvB fan with hardly any money, know I'm not going. But my friend is. She's excited, already telling me about her plans, when she suddenly asks if I'm going.

I of course say no. I mean, come on, I'm not even close to rich enough to pay for a whole trip across the US. But my friend is... insistent. I make if clear that I can't afford it, and out of the blue, she offers to take me. No strings attached, no payment on my part (except of course for merch), just bring... me.

I'm of course floored. RTX? Really? My siblings and I have always wanted to go, ever since we started with AH videos. But here it is, right in front of me. An opportunity to go to the biggest convention I've ever heard of, and she... really wasn't taking no for an answer. I tell her that I'll think about it, that I need time to figure it out. She assures me that it's fine, take all the time I need. I tell my family about the offer, about how I've known her for over a year and trust her (I don't, but I'm too afraid to admit it). Mom's scared, but at the promise of a video call with my friend, she chills out. Dad's supportive, but also a bit worried. My siblings are over the moon, excited for me and raring to someday go as well.

It's obvious, right? Now I have to go. After all, my friend HAS to have someone go with her, and no one else she knows wants to go. After all, my siblings have always wanted to go, and it would be shitty to say no when they'd say yes in a heartbeat. After all, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and really, who wouldn't?

I say yes. I save all the money I can, my dad video chats her, and then... I'm off. I fly to Texas (I insisted on buying my own plane ticket). Up to that point I had never left my family before, not for over forty-eight hours, and yet here I was, leaving for over a week. My therapist, my parents, and my siblings were all cheering for me to go, to get out of my comfort zone and do the thing I never should've been able to do.

I didn't have the heart to tell them that I was scared I wouldn't come home alive.

I land in Austin, Texas the day before RTX begins. I meet her in the airport. I'd already seen her face before, so I wasn't exactly surprised, but I felt safer seeing she was a bit heavier. I could outrun her, if need be. I could get away, if she tried to take me. Unless I was in headspace. Unless I was a little fucking baby. Unless I was sliding and woke up on a one way trip to Washington-

I shook my head. No, I thought. No, I'll be okay. Stop being paranoid, Ted, it's all in your fucking head. Again. Paranoid motherfucker.

We got to our hotel room, and after a long day of walking around and exploring Austin, we called it an early night, eager for tomorrow's adventures.

It was fun, at least at first. She got me a platinum badge, so we got a garanteed spot everywhere we went. There was a cool-ass rec room for platinum badge wearers where we could chill in-between events. I stuck close to her, as she's been to RTX a thousand times over, and I felt like it was going to be okay. That night, I streamed all of Nomad of Nowhere, and intended on going to the panel the next day. Unfortunately, things took a... bad turn.

You see, my friend had enemies. People she believes are "heartless abusers who are evil and cannot be trusted", especially not near me. Well, I'm a dumbass, and I can't keep track of everyone in her fucking burn book (too many names to count). Cue a mutual from Tumblr contacting me, wishing to finally meet me in person (I made a post about being at RTX and they saw it). I, of course, agreed.

Later, I nonchalantly mention that I'm going to meet up with a mutual at the RvB panel. She asks who it is. Still unaware of the shift in my friend's mood, I casually say the username. She goes white.

"I'm sorry, did you say [INSERT NAME]?"

"Uh... Yeah? Is that... bad?"

Holy. Fucking. Shit. She loses it, sobbing like I shot her dog. Empathetic little bastard that I am, I also begin to cry, begging to know what's wrong. Cue a lot of "How could you!?"s Followed by me desperately apologizing, still completely in the dark.

Apparently, my mutual? Her worst enemy. Number one. They who must not be named. And me, a dumbass with PTSD induced memory issues, did not remember the one time she mentioned them. So now I'm fucked, in-between a sobbing friend and a promise to meet a mutual. I've gotta fix this, and fast. I was scared, and in a panic, I promised her that, no, I'm not meeting to "be their friend". I'm just... seeing what they look like! So I can protect my REAL friend!

This all felt very dramatic, and honestly a tad juvenile. Here we were, me just shy of twenty, and her over twenty-one. I felt like I was in second grade, promising not to be friends with anyone else on the playground. Hell, I was still in the dark as to what this person had fucking DONE.

Later, we meet. My mutual is, unsurprisingly, incredibly nice and sweet. We compliment each other's writing in the back of the room after the panel, all while I know my friend is watching from afar, glaring at us. I make it quick, too scared to get in trouble, and then it's over. I felt like such an asshole, blowing my mutual off, but I was afraid of the lion a few feet away, ready to pounce and maim me.

Afterwards, I was grilled about our talk. What'd we talk about? What did they say? Was that laughing she heard? Were we laughing at her? *Gasp* Am I turning on her!? Oh, she knew it, she knew it! I'm an ABUSER! Another monster!

This, of course, gets me crying. I'm empathetic as all hell and as a result I'm unfortunately prone to taking on other's emotions. She knows this. We get out of there, but the tension is high. She has a panel only she's interested in, so I stay alone in the hotel room.

Again, I made the most of it. I binged all of Nomad of Nowhere for the first time, and it was enough to calm me down. Delighted, I discovered that the panel for NoN would be the next day, around noon. When my friend returned, I was quick to fill her in, begging if we could go. She smiled, and promised we would. I fell asleep quickly that night, momentarily forgetting the drama for a bit.

The next morning, my friend's dead quiet. I ask if she's alright, and I'm repeatedly assured that she's fine. We reach the convention center around 8AM, and agree to meet up at 11 so we can catch the NoN panel together. I run off to wander and explore, and my friend goes off on her own for awhile.

For two hours, I'm chill. Everything's super. I talk to cosplayers and I listen to my music, and at around 10AM... I get a worrying text from my friend. I'm not going to post screenshots (because they're out of context/confusing/taking screenshots for a call out makes me feel shitty) but it started as her repeatedly saying how her enemy was "ruining the con for her" and how she was crying. I immediately start looking for her, but I have no idea where she is. Just as I'm getting ready to check the hotel, she sends me this:

"I'm writing down a statement!" ((Reporting my mutual))

I panic. I'm fuckin' bolting through the con, looking for the help desk. I'm crying, I'm shaking, I'm scared I'm gonna pass out. Thankfully, I find a guardian. She leads me to the help desk and there my friend is, crying her eyes out while filling out a form to report her enemy for... existing. And being "mean" to her on Tumblr. Yeah.

I was still kinda having a panic attack when this occurred, so it's kinda blurry at bits. I remember sitting on the floor next to her (there weren't a lot of chairs and I didn't want to be rude and ask for one) and rubbing her back. I gave her my extra Arizona green tea because it was still cold and had honey in it.

The guardians praised me, saying I was a great friend. I felt like the scum of the earth.

Awhile passed. She filled out her form, and after the guardians checked over her "screenshot evidence", they told her there was nothing they could- or should- do. They chilled her out and told her it was HER con, and to not let some bully get in the way of it. Tearfully, I apologized over and over again. They just smiled and assured me that it was fine. It wasn't.

We almost missed the NoN panel. Almost. I wonder, sometimes, if that was intentional.

I should mention now, while I have the chance, that I was keeping contact with my older brother through all of this. When I was sitting on the floor panicking, I texted my brother for advice. He offered to talk to my friend about this (I knew exactly how that would go, considering how my friend was), and I just... cried. Cried and begged him not to make my friend mad. He didn't, but I could tell he was willing (and wanting) to tell her off.

The rest of the convention went... bumpy. There were a few more meltdowns, but overall, I survived. We went to the airport early (because I was afraid) because there was nothing to do, and after she left to wait for her flight... I felt safe again. I breathed in. I breathed out. If I cried, all the more reason to leave early.

Back home, life returned to normal. My older brother was worried about me, but I blew him off in favor of trying to be like him and have a successful online friendship. I was not backing down. People are sensitive sometimes, right? It doesn't matter that her reasons for hating my mutual are inaccurate and fake. I'm her friend. It doesn't matter that she scares me. She took me to RTX. It doesn't matter that I'd rather die than keep talking to her when all she does is make me afraid. I owe her. She's been nothing but kind. I'm just a selfish, greedy little bastard that needs to be grateful and stop questioning this.

It gets worse. Now she wants to know everything about me. She wants to hear every detail of my trauma, every moment of fear or weakness. I tell her I'm scared, and not ready.

"Just a little, sweetie. Just tell me a bit. How am I supposed to be your friend if I don't know what's damaged you? How am I supposed to have you if you keep running to your big brother?"

So... I told her everything. I tried to keep it small, but lord knows I'm an oversharing mess. The minute I start, I can't stop. She knows that. A few hours and it's all typed out; my heart, my soul, my damaged bastard of a body. She says she loves me. She says she'll take care of me forever. I tell her I need a break, and for over two weeks I'm mentally fucked, drifting in and out of headspace, struggling to coexist with my dug up trauma. I'm drowning. I'm scared.

While all of this occurred, my friend took it too far. When discussions of next year's RTX came up (always from her. I'm never going back there, not with her, maybe never again), she balked at the thought of me bringing my siblings (with them paying for themselves of course).

Mostly, she feared my brother. She caught wind of his suspicions, and immediately began to try and convince me that my brother was Bad, and he was gonna Hurt Her. Didn't I promise to protect her? Didn't I promise to keep her safe? Now's the time, Ted, chop chop! Your best friend needs you!

Except... she was a dumbass to think I'd ever turn on my brother. One night, after all of this; after telling her everything about me, after sharing my deepest traumas, after refusing to turn against my brother... She went off. She began mass texting me, accusing me of abusing her, of being a monster. How could I? How could I be so mean and terrible? That must make me an abuser, and all abusers are the same! Evil!

I was... shocked. And hurt. And crying. I broke down, and finally- fucking finally- I told my brother everything. About the emotional abuse, about the pressure, about the guilt... I must've talked for two hours straight, just flipping out. By the end, I was ready to do what I needed to do, and with my brother's support... I cut ties. I told her I was done.

Three days later (she always texted back right away, so I knew she was giving me time to wonder what she'd do) she responded with a "I think we need a break from each other :/ we're both pretty terrible, huh? :/// Mostly you but whatever bye ://///"

Since then, I've been trying to get better. She still sometimes does things in order to remind me that she's around and stalking my Tumblr (sent a few messages before she abruptly deleted the blog she used to talk to me (still has her main), passive aggressively messaged me for a spell, finally made me lose my cool by harassing my sister, etc) but I'm trying to ignore it.

I know this is a lot... but they're hard lessons to learn, and I'd much rather you all learn them through my stupid actions before you get hurt or cornered: Not everyone online is your friend. Just because they say they love you doesn't mean they love YOU. Trust your fucking gut before you drag your ass onto a plane because someone told you to. And most importantly of all... Not everyone you're told to hate is bad, because guess what? Everytime I've been down, been questioning shit, or just vented, do you know who's almost always responded? The very mutual I was told was evil. And you know what else? I found out every fuckin' thing my ex said about them was a straight up lie; every screenshot was fake/out of context, and every "abusive" word was from my ex, not my mutual.

So yeah... I know better now, Natalie. I hope that if you see this, you actually try and get help. You need to realize that you don't own people, and that you can't force everyone who doesn't adore you to be an antagonist in your story... all you're doing is hurting yourself. I never lied when I said I loved you; I still sorta do, even after what you've done to me. I fucking love you, Natalie, and it's because I love you that I'm getting away from you. Please oh please get yourself actual help, before you make things any worse for yourself.

Sincerely, Ted.

#so yeah here's my dirty fucking laundry #i wish i could truly just move on but this drama keeps rearing it's ugly head and i hate it so much #supercasey says shit #supercasey ramblings #i hope you all don't hate me for this #long post #i didn't cover everything but this is the jist of it

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