haikyuu general headcanons from my sleep deprived ass

hEy this is sleep deprived me who is in in the verge of crying AND ready to go party and rob a bank

yes my kids, it's weird feelings time

ANYWAY here i suppose i'll write both angsty and fluffy and crack headcanons because i really don't know what's happening anymore

me after writing this: nope, it's all crack and fluff my guys. no angst. i couldn't bring myself to make myself more sad lmaoo

warnings: the first part is set on 2012, hence why kenma doesn't own a wii, not a switch. also there's manga spoilers but i out a warning before it heheheh

also not proof read and written while being really fucking tired. it will probably not make sense

general random headcanons

– akaashi wears clip hair locks when he has to study

– kunimi smokes weed like everyday. he'll be in class and his brain will be on another galaxy thinking about his donkey who happens to be actually a dog who happens to actually not exist. completely permafried but somehow keeps a gpa of 3.8 (in spain we don't have gpa but we have average mark which is the same lol)

– bokuto is really really good at physics. probably recites the three laws of newton while spiking and his serve routine includes him replaying the boyle laws on his mind. probably the reason why kuroo and him get along so well. kuroo prefers chemistry so they have this inside argument where bokuto hits him with his physics fats while kuroo just yells compounds and their nomeclature

– oikawa has a cat. that's it. that's the headcanon.

– makki and mattsun have the dumbes longest pet names for each other. "i love you so much, you meme of my computer, bread of my cheese, ass of my chair, you little silly beautiful brow man with the longest muscliest most tanned and amazingest arms in the world" "oh, is that so? i of course love you more you pink creampuff with no other reason of existence than to be beautiful even with that peach haircut, incredible man i'd 100% recommend 5 stars on booking, 5 of 5 in every stat, wig snatched, my pores cleared, hotel trivago" "please shut the fuck yo the both of you"

– yes that headcanon was INSTALLED in my brain as soon as i read undermattsun's one

– and yes the five stars on booking is a skam reference, if anyone got it

– that was inspired by anitwt

– the first time noya saw asahi's hair untied he had a nosebleed. and actual one

– hoshiumi has made a lot of kids cry because he just has that villain vibe while hirugami makes them laugh when he's the actual villain

– jk the villain is actually yama and tendo's bullies and michiru usuri or whatever his name is

– konoha is ambidextrous and komi calls his jack of all trades master of two

– he also happens to be very fucking good at guessing. tendo's typa shit. he'll be on an exam and he'll just guess every single answer. he'll be like mmmmm this kinda looking like an alkane

– yes that's me trying to show off my poor chemistry knowledge.

– iwaoi arcade dates but it's them hitting the dance machine with scores like 100000 and iwa surprisingly loosing at 128478-128477

– iwa's charger is oikawa :)

– oikawa's charger is iwa's arms

– suga uses kagehina's inside competition so they take care of themselves

"oh mmm... i don't think drinking so much water would be that possible"

"kageyama! i bet i can sip this in less than thirty seconds"

"dumbasss! i can do it in under fifteen"

– bokuto brought an owl to the gym once. and washio just happened to have an aunt whose hobbie was training raptor birds. and that's how the fukurodani volleyball club ended up setting their sunday meetings at washio's aunt insanely big backyard and bonding over owls.

– akaashi's favourite owl is actually an eurasian scops owl.

– wait no ima list their fav owls

– bokuto: great horned owl. you know why.

– konoha: ruffous legged owl. he fell in love with this old grey owl who loves resting only on his arm and he's now whipped

– komi: pygmy owl. bc they both tiny.

– washio: snowy owls. he just loves how they are. loves all of his aunt's owls tho.

– onaga: short eared owl. mainly because they remind him of someone *cough* komi *cough* and he just laughs everytime he thinks about it

– sarukui: northern hawk owl. just because.

– suzumeda: another sucker for snowy owls. she loves their name and their colour. and also because they remind her of yukie. which is a plus

– yukie: none in particular really. but her favourite owl in washio's aunt backyard is a verreaux eagle owl.

– kenma doesn't have a wii because not a lot of his favourite games are available on it. but he's saving for a ps4 since it's coming soon and his ps3 is kinda on the edge of dying of overuse

– the first time hinata had to go to karasuno was also the first time he actually rode a bike and he almost crashed with around twenty cars lmao

– on his second year, kageyama invited the second years to his birthday (hinata yamaguchi yachi AND tsukishima, not tanaka noya ennoshita narita and kinoshita lmao) and tsukishima DID go. he kept saltying over everything but after that, he and kageyama got aling wayyy better. (though the bantering enver stopped)

– akaken headcanon that they sometimes study together if a training camp is near finals week. akaashi is real bad at english and kenma has 0 brain for history

"kozume-san, do you know how the english word for exacerbate?"

"yes, also do you know what were the main characteristics of the meiji restoration?"

MANGA SPOILERS HEADCANONS

– fukunaga's mom is spanish. that's why he's so good at paella. his mom is from valencia ✌️😔

– inunaki atsumu and sakusa form ✨the asshole team✨

– ushijima and hoshiumi have the weirdest relationship ever.

"ushijima do you know how tall i am!"

"yes hoshiumi san. just yesterday you claimed you were 9 milimetres taller than hinata shoyo second best small giant 2 points less than you in stats"

"hahaha! yes! wait! i am going to tweet that! do you want me to tag you?!"

"please do not. my twitter gets clustered of all the fans tweeting about semi san and i's reunion last week"

"i'm going to tag you"

– hoshiumi COMPLETELY tweets in caps locks. there is not a single lowercase letter in the dumptrash of 15k tweets that his twitter page is.

"HAHAHA @HINATA_SHOYO I AM OFFICIALLY NINE CENTIMETRES TALLER THAN YOU I AM THE BEST SMALL GIANT PREPARE YOUR BUTTOCKS TO GET KICKED THIS SEASON BE READY YOU AND YOUR TEAM OF OVERLY TALL MEN WITH NINE CENTIMETRES LESS OF SMALL GIANT"

– hirugami (sachiro) is moniwa's vet, futakuchi and aone's turtle. the first time sachiro and furakuchi met, was the last time futakuchi set foot on hirugami's pet centre. he's now banned from going in there and he had to watch moniwa get checked from the cristal pannel

– shouko (hirugami's sister) has favoritism on sachiro. pays for her and her brother's netflix account and has set sachiro's name as "baby brother" and fukuro's name as "tall arsehole"

– also she and kanoka are in the same team

– miwa and alisa are completely dating. it's not even a headcanon anymore lmfao

– oikawa's argentinian team mates completely thought iwa's name was iwachan and the first time they saw him st the olympics they called him "iwachansito" and "iwatoto"

– they also call oikawa argentoto (yes that's frim twitter)

– both suna and kita have an soecial discount on onigiri miya. arsumu has to pay double for them

– kenma does actually own a house in roppongi hills, but didn't tell kuroo until the bedheaded went to bring kenma food and found out the house had been destroyed and was now being used as a gardening school

– yaku first saw lev's ad in yekaterinburg but didn't tell him. he has a very good laugh everytime he passed by the banner next to his house

– komori and yaku IMMEDIATELY got along. yaku was like "mmmmmmmmmmm a tall libero i see ,':/" and komori was like "haha yea anyway the way you dug that ball was amazing :3" and yaku fell in love

– atsumu' hair isn't that blonde only because of bleach but also because he spends some weekends helping kita with the farm and the sun has cleared it

– hinata is sakusa's favourite.

– tenma and bokuto get along pretty well, and akaashi is scared tenma will start going feral now that he's met bokuto

– ima wrap this up bc it's becoming long lmao ty for listening to my night rambles ily all

–also no it's not well edited i'm on my phone lol

– will probably do again if my mental health goes on like this which is very probable lmao

– good night

My 2020

Hey y’all. So 2020 happened. That was a thing. Apparently. I know for a lot of people this year was uhm… pretty shit… but it was still a year that happened so it’s time for my annual reflection post (probably the only time I still post about myself on tumblr lol) and maybe we might even find some good things that happened this year!

 The Beginning of 2020 vs Now

So, a lot has changed since the start of the year. A pandemic happened, for one. I can’t believe that a year ago I could still go to class every day and see my friends and now I’m pretty much stuck at home every day. The year started out pretty normal and then march happened and well, you all know what happened next. The worst part about the pandemic for me personally was probably the fact that I barely see my friends anymore and I can’t go to class every day. Some people may not think that not going to class is that bad, but I really enjoyed university more than I ever enjoyed school and I was really happy going there every day, and I was already sad I’d only have 4 to 5 years to spend there, so when that period got even shorter it made me kinda sad.

On the other hand, I do think that mentally I’m in a much better place than I was last year around this time. Being home this much really gave me time to reflect and work on my issues, and because my sister was stuck in our house for a couple of weeks I got to talk to her a lot which really helped me feel better. I think in general my entire family (my brother, sister and mom) have become a lot more open with each other which I think is great! I guess quarantine can have some benefits.

 The Best Things about 2020

Okay, here’s is where we’re going to get even more positive and go over all the good things that happened (to me) this year! To be honest, most of the year was a bit of a blur so I probably will forget quite a bit, but I’m going to give this a try anyway. At the start of the year (when things were still normal) I was super excited to get into the next semester, as the one before had,,, kinda sucked, and those 6 weeks of class I had at the start of the year were really great. I remember me and my friends having a competition of who could get mentioned the most in our teacher’s powerpoint presentation so those classes were always interesting. I also finally got to dye my hair for the first time with the help of my friends. I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, and I’m so happy I finally got to do it! I even know how to do it myself now, and my hair hasn’t been brown since the start of march! Then, at the start of march, my dad and stepmother moved away and I permanently moved in with my mom. Before, I used to live with both my mom and my dad and I got really really sick of switching houses every week, so to finally live in one house and have all my stuff in one place was a bit of a relief to me, and I’m still really happy with it. After that, things become a bit blurry. I remember that at the start of quarantine in … April? I watched Sex Education or the first time, which is now not only one of my favourite shows ever, but also taught me a lot and helped me with some of the issues I was dealing with. We’ll skip over the subsequent sexuality crisis I had (I think I might actually be straight??), and skip straight to the summer, when I started watching I-Land. I watched every episode as it aired live, and because of this show my Fridays really became the highlight of the week. I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in a survival show XD. The rest of the year was mostly just me spending time with myself. It got a bit lonely sometimes, but I also don’t think I’ve ever written as much as I have this year, and my drawing has significantly improved (if I may say so myself)! Especially towards the end of the year, when I started making a planning every day to prevent myself from wasting away all my time on youtube, I got super productive, and I wrote a lot, and made a lot of art, and I really felt good. I even started (gasp) working out. Yeah I know. Shocking right.

There was also a lot of good music that was released this year, and, to close this section on a great note, through one of my classes I finally found a group of friends to play D&D with! We haven’t actually played yet, but we will, and I’m so excited to play the game and get to know these people more! They all seem really kind!

 My Resolutions for 2020?

Now, here’s the part where we check whether I actually reached all the goals I set myself for 2020. As usual, I have no idea what my resolutions were, so I honestly have no idea how I did. Let’s see, shall we?

Express my feelings more (as in I get really awkward in any sappy or mushy situation but I would like to be able to tell people I appreciate them without cringing) – UHM way to attack me on the very first resolution jeez. I did get more open with my family but I still can’t tell people I care about them without cringing so this is a fail lol

Again, learn to depend less on other people’s opinion and trust my own – I’ve been working on it, I think I’ve gotten a bit better? So win?

Get my sleeping schedule back on track – did that! It’s a bit whacky again now because of the holidays, but October and November were a big success regarding this resolution

WRITE MORE. This time I’ll make some concrete goals: Either I’ll get my story’s first draft done, or I’ll write 100 pages on a single project – okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t think I did any of these particular things, however this time I am 100% sure I wrote a lot more than the past years. I cannot count all the files and pages and notes I have now, but I wrote a lot, so I’m counting this as a win

I want to try NaNoWriMo (not necessarily in November, but at some point) – yeah, didn’t do that oops

I want to read a lot again but maybe not as much as this year because I want to focus on writing too. 40 books? – 49 books babey

Read all my current unread books (Aru Shah 2, Skullduggery Pleasant 9, Gemina, The Mistborn Trilogy and Call Down The Hawk) and finish my reread of Heroes of Olympus and the Raven Cycle) – Did all of these except Skullduggery Pleasant 9 (the start was so boring I decided not to read it all) and The Mistborn Trilogy (I am about halfway through the first book I think?) so I’m counting this as half a win

Finally read a book by V.E. Schwab (I’ve been wanting to try one of her books for ages) – Did that! Read a whole trilogy. It was good but not as great as I expected them to be. I think my expectations were too high though

Finish Playing Twilight Princess (I promised my brother) – Did that! I’m really proud of myself and so is my brother

Go. Swimming. Seriously. It’s scandalous that I still haven’t done that after waiting so long to be able to – IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE I LAST WENT SWIMMING WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I did buy new swimshorts but I still haven’t actually used them… shame on me

Try to worry less about school and not overwork myself – kinda?

Maybe try another drawing challenge somewhere this summer? I haven’t done any of those in a while and I feel like my art needs more attention – okay, so I didn’t do that, but I did at the start of the year make the resolution to make portrait/photoshoot-like drawings for my 8 main oc’s, and I did actually manage to finish that, and they are some of the best drawings I’ve ever made, so though I haven’t actually done a challenge specifically, I did do something

I want to try a 24 hour readathon – Yeah, didn’t do that oops

I kinda want to learn a piano piece as well, but I already have so many hobbies I want to focus on so I don’t know if I’ll have the time ☹ – yeah my dad sold our piano so… fail XD

 Expectations for 2021

Now, after last year I think it’s safe to say we can never really know what to expect. But! I’m going to guess anyway because it’ll be really fun to see next year whether I got anything right.

The first thing that I think will probably happen this year (if I don’t majorly mess anything up) is I’ll be writing my thesis next semester, and then in the summer I’ll get my bachelor’s degree. Honestly I can’t believe how fricking fast those 3 years went, but I guess I’ll just have to roll with it lol. Corona vaccinations will also probably start happening next year, and hopefully this will mean that going outside and seeing my friends will be possible again next year – at least a lot more than it was this year. I hope 2021 will be the year of hanging out with friends and getting to live a little again. Maybe even get to go to class. That would be great.

On to more minor – but no less exciting – things, 2021 will probably bring us a new season of Sex Education! I’m sooo excited for that holy shit. And, in a similar vein, I have high hopes for kpop releases now that SHINee is finally back, and it looks like Haseul is also returning to LOONA! 2021 will also be the year in which ENHYPEN makes their first comeback, and some of the other I-LAND contestants will also make their debut, and there might even be a new season of I-LAND as well in the summer? So there’s a lot of things to look forward to. Oh, and I almost forgot, Dan Howell’s book will be released in May, and there will be a new Grishaverse book, and the Shadow and Bone show will start airing, which I am really curious about. Again, lots of things to look forward to!

 2021 Resolutions

I’m not feeling as ambitious as I was last year, but there are a couple of things I want to try and do, so let’s jump into the resolutions!

I just came up with this today, but I think I want to try and build a bit of a skincare routine? The skin on my nose is kinda flakey, and I think it couldn’t hurt to try and take better care of my skin

Keep up with my daily workouts. I want to work out every day, except when I’m at my dad’s or when it’s a special day, like Christmas or something.

Be able to do either 50 push-ups on my knees, 25 normal push-ups, or both

GO SWIMMING

Keep up with planning daily! It’s a really good way to balance all of my 3195 hobbies and it helps me to not get stressed about school

Write (almost) every day. I need to make it a habit

Draw at least once a week, every other day if possible

Go outside at least once a week. That doesn’t seem very hard but with corona I did not realise how little I go outside if I am not forced to. Sometimes I spend 3 weeks without going out and I don’t even notice it. That can’t be good for me lol

Try to make healthier food choices. Maybe follow the lunch meal plan of the guy whose workout videos I follow.

Get my bachelor’s degree

Grow a beard. I’m getting closer… I know I’m getting closer…

Meet with my frIENDS and give them the alBUMS I have for them

Be more careful with my money, maybe even save a bit of money

Spend less time on social media

Read more educational books

I think that’s it! I can’t think of anything else right now so these will have to do. I wish that 2021 will treat all of you much better than whatever mess 2020 was! Happy 2021!

Last year’s post: (x)

@the-official-pentacorn @asiandutchgirl

Oh! I had no idea asks were open. On the header it says closed. I hope you don't mind if I spam you questions and asks lol. I mean, I'll do it in moderation of course! For this one, I'd like to know what your house, patronus and factor like favourite character/s is! And may I also known your hcs for the school aged BB characters' houses? Thank ya! Muah!

I should really fix that; anytime the askbox isn’t closed, asks are open! Gonna see if I can change up my header so it’s less confusing :)

Also, anytime it’s open, you can ALWAYS spam me with asks!!! :D

I hope I’m understanding the question right here! SO, I think my house would definitely be Hufflepuff! The quiz I took says my Patronus would be a swan! And does this mean my favorite Harry Potter character? Because that would absolutely be Snape!

And here’s some headcanons for ya, I can’t believe these got so long!!

I didn’t do all the school age characters because I felt that’d be a LOT for one post, so I ended up doing Cheslock, Ciel, Clayton, Edward, Joanne, Lizzie, and Soma! Feel free to request more if you wanna see others, once the askbox is open again!

This was really fun and thought-provoking, it took me a while to get done but I loved it! I was really into Harry Potter as a kid so revisiting the world in a new perspective was so great!!

Cheslock

Gryffindor for sure! Although he’s undeniably bold, and can certainly be brave, Cheslock tends to be an example of the other side of the Gryffindor coin; he’s reckless and impulsive, and often pulls pranks on other houses. ― And sometimes on the people he doesn’t like in his own house.

He’s a half-blood, with his genes being split, unusually, about 50/50. His father is a high-ranking individual with a perfectly pureblood lineage, and his mother is a muggle with no wizard heritage whatsoever.

While he’s generally good at heart, there are many other Gryffindors who can’t stand him because he’s forever costing the house five points here, ten points there… he’s also brilliant at bending the rules, toeing the line between an upstanding student and a rebellious troublemaker.

He doesn’t really excel in any of his core classes, but he gets good enough grades that he’s never flunked out of any of them. When he gets into second year, he joins the Quidditch team as a beater, and as soon as he’s able to add it in, his extracurricular of choice is, of course, music. He still loves the violin more than anything.

Legend has it he once got transfigured something on a teacher’s desk (it could have been a pen, it could have been an apple, could have been a wand, whatever suits the story better) into a flask of whiskey. Without getting caught!

Ciel

Slytherin, natch, if only because he’s very shrewd and, if necessary, will do anything he needs to. Though his personality isn’t popular with a lot of the other students, even in his own house, everyone acknowledges that he’s actually a very good leader.

He’s definitely a pureblood, or at least he has so little muggle blood in his heritage that most people consider him so. Both of his parents were wizards, but there is some muggle blood a few generations back on his father’s side.

Curiously, he doesn’t care much about social standing or competitions or the like. That said, he still manages to earn Slytherin a lot of house points just by doing the things he’s good at and scoring exceptional marks on tests.

In his first year especially, he struggles with flying quite a bit, and he never really grows to be that skilled on a broom despite doing well enough to pass the class. What he lacks there, he makes up for in charms, and later, the study of ancient runes. He often needs a tutor in his other classes in the first year or two; in his later years, though, he becomes a tutor to younger students, especially for charm spells.

His housemates will vouch for the fact that he seems to get an awful lot of mail from his household back home. Some of it is letters. A lot of it is just candy… which he doesn’t even share!!

Clayton

This boy is a Ravenclaw through and through! He places a high value on intelligence and is here to learn as much as possible. The Sorting Hat seemed to mull over for a while whether he ought to go in Ravenclaw or Slytherin. He’s surprisingly popular with his housemates, probably for his great intellect and his cool, focused demeanor.

He’s a half-blood, though with more wizard heritage than muggle. His mother is a near-pureblood, with most of her ancestors being pureblood wizards, and his father is a half-blood, with most of his parents also being half-bloods.

A good percentage of Ravenclaw’s points come from him. He performs well on exams, is an excellent tutor to the first- and second-years, and, though he can certainly be sadistic, typically doesn’t act on it or do anything that might cost them points.

He starts out being one of the best students in potions ― and in his later years, graduates to being among the top three in alchemy. As he matures in his classes, he also elects to take magical theory, which goes on to eventually be his chosen area of study during his wizarding career.

There was a year wherein he dated every single one of Prefect Lawrence Bluewer’s sisters in succession. Depending on who you hear the story from, Lawrence either is still pissed, or gave Clayton his blessing. Either way, awkward.

Edward

Absolutely Gryffindor, as if there was ever any doubt! He was sorted in record time, and he’s the other side of Cheslock’s coin ― a gentleman who always does the right thing, who aims to serve, a courageous young man with the heart of a lion. (That said, however, he and Cheslock are very much close friends, so he often gets swept up in his housemate’s nonsense.)

He’s very close to being considered a pureblood, if most don’t already think of him that way. His mother is a pureblood, and his father is a half-blood who’s more wizard than muggle.

Is constantly trying to make up points that getting involved in Cheslock’s aforementioned shenanigans has cost Gryffindor. At the very least, Edward usually manages to break even, so it’s as if said tomfoolery never happened. Ah, he gets sick of it, but he keeps letting himself get dragged along!

He’s an absolute wiz at flying, (pun very much intended), and starting in his second year, he eventually becomes Gryffindor’s star chaser in Quidditch. He could well make a living doing that in professional leagues. Instead, he also focuses on academia; excelling in charms and defense against the dark arts. Reportedly he’s one of the very, very few who also enjoys the lectures on the history of magic.

The younger students say they’ve seen it for themselves that his wand is outfitted with a sort of false bottom that hides a plain knife. They all wonder why that kind of wand would have chosen a fellow like Edward, or indeed why it exists in the first place!

Joanne

He’s a Hufflepuff, and proud to be! Similarly to Edward, it didn’t take very long at all for him to be sorted. He’s on the shy side, especially for his first few years, but once he starts coming out of his shell, he makes a lot of friends… even in other houses! He still feels most comfortable around other Hufflepuffs, though. They just get him!

One of the handful of rare students who’s a full pureblood with very little, if any, discernible muggle blood in his heritage. Both of his parents are purebloods, which seems to surprise people, because despite his gentility, Joanne seems to struggle with the more intensive magical concepts.

He’s not all that concerned with points, because he’s pretty much just interested in his coursework. However, like Ciel, he tends to earn house points for Hufflepuff anyway simply due to the fact that he tests well, he’s always there to help someone if they need it, and he follows the rules.

It, er… takes him a while to get the hang of flying during his first year, and even then, he tends to stay off a broom if he can help it. His favorite of his core classes is herbology, and during later years, he absolutely blossoms when he starts studying the care of magical creatures. He’s just got such a soft spot for taking care of things. He’s also fond of arithmancy, which boggles people’s minds ― they think a difficult class like that would stress him out!

Whenever he can’t sleep, he often hangs out with the Friar. The two of them (along with possibly another Hufflepuff ghost or two) will just sit in one of the common rooms while Joanne reads, and sometimes the Friar will stay even after Joanne falls asleep in a chair.

Lizzie

Nobody better have anything bad to say about Hufflepuffs where she can hear it!! Unlike her brother, the Sorting Hat took a little bit with her, waffling between whether she would be a better fit for Hufflepuff or Gryffindor. Her undying loyalty, sweetness, and strength eventually got the choice made. Other houses might think them strange, but Lizzie is a very bubbly young lady and has made wonderful friends with nearly all her housemates!

Her similarities with Edward lie in their heritage. Most people think of her as just one step down from a full pureblood.

Although she doesn’t take competition too terribly seriously, she still wants to earn as many points as she can for her house. She’s very like Joanne in that she earns points by being very kind to everyone and helping where she can, and putting as much effort into her exams as possible.

Don’t let her petite stature and sweetness fool you ― she is a beast of a seeker once she works her way up there! Quidditch is just her hobby, though, as she much prefers charms and is shockingly very adept at potions. She also takes apparition lessons in her sixth year, and dabbles for a short time in divination. She also at least considers joining Joanne in the care of magical creatures, even if she might not end up doing it.

The fact that she’s dating Ciel, a Slytherin who is seemingly her opposite, is just incomprehensible to most people. There are those who say he must have slipped her a love potion or done some other spell on her. These rumors, however, are untrue. She simply adores Ciel, and that is all there is to it.

Soma

Many of his classmates are stumped as to why a prince was sorted into Hufflepuff! Then… they meet him, and it all makes sense. He’s made of sunshine and is astonishingly devoted to anyone he decides is his friend. And, well, he sort of attaches himself like that to everybody. Strange, everybody thinks? Maybe… but these are his people!!

He’s a half-blood, with a bit more wizard blood than muggle. His father is actually not pureblood; instead, his father is a muggle whose parents were both half-bloods, and it’s Soma’s mother who is a near-pureblood, a witch whose parents are a half-blood and a pureblood.

He’s rather unconcerned with the house points, preferring to concentrate on everything he can learn in his classes. There’s so much he doesn’t know! He often costs Hufflepuff points with some oblivious behavior, as well as his exam scores not being the best, but he also often earns just as many points with kind behavior toward other students.

He enjoys his astronomy class in particular, and seems to do very well in herbology even though it’s not his favorite. He joins Edward in being thoroughly fascinated by the history of magic. He also loves transfiguration, consistently getting the highest marks in that class. It might surprise everyone that he takes muggle studies as an elective ― that interests him too, okay! In later years he’ll probably need a lot of counseling to figure out what he wants to focus his attention on.

His friend and protector Agni literally kind of followed him to school because their bond is so strong. Agni’s a half-blood who works in the kitchen at Hogwarts, and lives on the grounds, so whenever Soma needs him, he’s there. Soma loves this! All his friends in one place!

Survey #282

“daddy’s flown across the ocean / leaving just a memory / a snapshot in the family album / daddy, what’d you leave behind for me?”

What is your favorite type of dance? I like modern dances, especially those unusual or creepy with unique music. They’re the dances I look forward to watching in dance competitions. Do you find making scenes in public fun? Oh fuck no. Lemonade or pink lemonade? Pink is Supreme in so many ways. Where do you feel safest? At home, especially if Mom is here. Have you ever been to a gay pride parade? No, but I’d love to. Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country? No. I don’t want to move to Africa. What do you like to do when you're home alone? HAHA okay so I almost exclusively watch Unus Annus when Mom isn’t home because I will almost without a doubt cackle at least once, and… explaining why I’d be laughing would be WILD. UA is a fucking gift & I’mma miss it when it’s gone. What kind of music calms you down? My best bet is nostalgic music that I hold very close, like Ozzy. The soundtracks to SotC and SH2 are also magical when it comes to soothing me. Who did you last go to a park with? Uhhhh… probably not since I took family pictures for someone. Got some nice ones. Have you ever been robbed? Thankfully, no. Are you working, a student, both, or neither? Neither, and at nearly 25, it’s fucking humiliating. I’m thinking of appealing my disability case (you very rarely get it the first time), but of course self-doubt and anxiety just slaps me across the face again and again by asking, “Do you really need it?” That shit is agonizing. Very highly regarded people in my life agree that it’s realistic for me, at least at this moment, while I sort out my mental health. I don’t plan on being on it forever, fuck no. But right now I am, no matter what anyone says, a leech in my home. What's your favorite holiday? Christmas. I prefer Halloween’s “vibe,” of course, but I am much more excited and just thankful at Christmastime, especially now as an aunt with children who *understand* the holiday. Their joy and excitement is enough of a gift to me. It’s always really hard on Mom because she’s convinced she doesn’t do enough (she cries at least once like… every year), but my sisters and I always reassure her. It’s also a nice opportunity to see Dad and my stepmom, also with my sister’s family, and once again we get to see the kids so happy. But enough about them; what I love most about Christmas is I generally am able to put my troubles into perspective and take the time to remember I am, in the big picture, lucky to have what and who I do. And SNOW!!!!! If you can’t tell I’m stoked for Christmas. Do you prefer male or female friends? Both are great, but I’m more relaxed with female friends because of the whole “scared of men” ordeal. What's your favorite dessert? Biiiiihhhhh lemme get my hands on ice cream. Do you ever go on chatroulette or omegle? Noooo, I never did. That shit creeps me out. Besides, I’m shy. What kind of tea do you drink? None. Do you know anyone in a gang? Not to my knowledge… What color is your fridge? White. We decided to use the fridge already in this house versus our old one. Is your phone mostly on vibrate, silent, or ringtone? It’s just about always on vibrate. Do you own black sunglasses? I don’t own any sunglasses. Are you currently looking for a job? Fuck if I know. Not actively, but if something suitable magically popped up, I’d definitely pursue it. Do you watch MTV? No. Do you like to tell people who you like? Historically, I tend to keep my mouth shut about it to people who know that love interest unless explicitly asked, and even then, it depends on if I think they’ll keep their mouth shut. How often do you braid your hair? It’s too short to be braided. I very rarely had it braided beforehand. What color is your microwave? Black. Do you wash your face in the morning when you wake up? If I remember, especially if I’m groggy. Are you interested in the ocean? No more or no less than the average person. What's a big turn on for you? Keeping physical stuff outta this, I’m just such a fuckin sucker for being authentically romantic lmao. Have you ever thought about being a teacher? Heeeeeelllllll no. What's the first thing you do when you turn your computer on? Close out of the stuff that automatically pops up after it starts. Do you drink Gatorade? Ugh, ew, no. Do you hate when people replace 0's with O's? EX: 9:OO AM. Lol no, it’s honestly aesthetically pleasing in some formats. Did you hate riding the bus? Some of my best school memories are the long bus rides home w/ Jason so uh- Do you ever use XOXO in texts, letters etc..? Nah. Has anyone ever told you they liked you to your face? Yeah. Have you ever touched an elephant? No. Reading or writing? Writing. Do you have a childhood nickname? Mom called (and sometimes still does lakjdf;alkwe) me “Twinkie.” She gave sweets-oriented nicknames to all her kids. Have you ever had a Moon Pie? UGH they’re gross. I have this faint memory as a kid of a sweetheart babysitter my sisters and I had always offering us banana moon pies as a snack or dessert, idr. I’ve always hated anything banana-flavored. Has your car ever had troubles? N/A What's your birthstone? Amethyst. Would you join the navy? I want nothing to do with anything remotely related to war. What's your favorite board game? Battleship. Do you like chess? I’ve never played it nor even know the rules. If you’ve ever tried drugs or alcohol, what was your reason for first trying it? I was absolutely parched after a long, sweaty walk and was offered it to “try” by my mom without me knowing it was alcohol… the “WAIT NO STOP” from everyone was so quick lmao. It was just hard lemonade, so nothing super serious. Do you think you could ever have an abortion if you unexpectantly turned up pregnant right this second? I probably would. There is no fucking way I can emotionally handle carrying a baby right now. But I’d feel like absolute shit, even though I’m pro-choice. I just don’t want to picture myself in that situation. Is there a situation where you caved into peer pressure and regretted it? Probably. Although generally, I’m very resilient to peer pressure when it comes to something I really don’t want to do. What is your favorite video game console? Why? PS2, of course. I think the best games came from that era, many ahead of their time. Example, the original Shadow of the Colossus graphics massively pressured the limits of the software, and it still to this day blows me away. Sure, you have some lag in return, but the end result was just magnificent. I seriously, seriously, seriously hope I’m able to play the remake one day. When you lost your virginity, were you sober? I was. As of this minute, what is going through your mind? How I need a change and purpose in life so motherfucking badly. Where’s the last place you went? I was riding around with Mom, doing some errands. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. When was the last time you went apple picking? Never. Do you have a good relationship with your cousins? We don’t really… have a relationship. We don’t talk, we just kinda “exist” knowing we’re related. What was the last kids movie you saw? I watched some of Hotel Transylvania 3 with my niece and nephew. Do you know anyone who was born in Africa? When I was still in college, there was at least one guy in my class who was. Tutored me in math. Patience of a saint, haha. Have you ever been to an internet cafe? I actually have zero clue what that is. Has the year gone quickly for you so far? I’ve barely discerned 2018-2020, if I’m being honest with you. It’s just a lump of time where I’ve done jack-all. I mean yeah, school fits in there somewhere, but mentally I wasn’t in a wonderful place and haven’t been “happy” for a long time. My mental state has been the same for a few years. How many siblings does your significant other have? N/A Are you one of those people who can drink vodka straight? Oh, I hiiiighly doubt it. I loathe the taste of alcohol. Do you share a middle name with any of your friends? I legitimately have one of the most basic white bitch middle names in America, I know tons. How many pairs of jeans do you own? None. Do you know the name of the pharmacist at your local drug store? One, yes, considering Mom worked there before the cancer and is still in touch with this pharmacist. What flavor is your toothpaste? Mint. Are you sleepy right now? I think I’m permanently sleepy. Do you like crime films and tv shows? Not especially. Are you bitter about anything? Many things. What was the first online account you remember having? Neopets. My older sister helped me set it up when I was somewhere around eight. Do you use emojis? More than I used to. I’m gradually converting from emoticons to emojis, oof. What was the last type of soda you drank? Mountain Dew. Do you remember much from high school? I probably remember too much from high school, if I’m being honest. I remember far too much in far too much detail during the almost four years I dated Jason. Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? Probably the Bahamas, mostly for the pink beaches, aha. It would also be an incredible photography opportunity. Do you know anyone who has a strong accent that is hard to understand? My former best friend’s dad was so southern that yes, I could barely understand him whatsoever. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? If you mean a fresh, new one and not a glow-up on the Mark tribute tat I’ve mentioned five thousand times, a tribute to Teddy featuring his portrait, pawprint, and the Powerwolf lyrics “and we’ll meet where the wild wolves have gone.” I’m going to be picky as a motherfucker about the design itself, though, so realistically it probably wouldn’t be tomorrow since I’d probably commission people to draw in varying styles. Ugh, I need that tattoo gun, my man. What was the last podcast you listened to? Do you listen to it regularly? That would be 4 Peens in a Pod (it’s… not a porn I swear, it’s Fischfuck and the boys lmao). I’m waaaaaaaaaaay behind on it, though. I watch so many different things now that I’m behind on like… everything I watch/listen to. Are you on a first-name basis with your boss? (or last boss if unemployed) I think I was with all of them? What was the last thing you wrote in a Word document? This survey. Because I combine short ones into Big Boys that I usually don’t finish in one go, I save my progress on it. Who do you miss and what do you miss about them? I miss a number of people and would rather not retrospect on them. What were the best and worst costumes you’ve ever worn? *shrug* Do you know anybody who is gay and married? I think so. What did you last take painkillers for? A headache. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Ugh. A whole fucking lot. I’ve thought quite a bit recently on how I miss video editing, but I just don’t have the motivation and dedication for that anymore. Have you ever shared a home with a friend? Yes. What’s the craziest or weirdest place you’ve ever slept? Nowhere that strange at all… Probably just like, the floor, but even then with blankets and stuff. What did you have for lunch today and who made it? I haven't had lunch yet. Are you allergic to anything? How did you find out? Pollen is pretty obvious, while serious discoloring and itching let me know I was allergic to silver. Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yeah, I was visiting her for a couple weeks. It was nice. Who was the last very physically attractive person you saw? In ~real life~, probably some friend on Facebook. Do you know anyone who is deaf? We recently found out actually that my youngest niece is deaf in her left ear due to a massive buildup of fluid in it. I’m so ready to hear about her reaction to hearing normally once it’s taken care of. Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? Probably at some point. “Ever” makes this question difficult. Do you think you have a good understanding on love? Yes. What do you think of your parent(s)? I love them both immensely while acknowledging their flaws. What celebrity do you think should of never become famous? I don’t care enough to think on this honestly haha. Did you ever get into the Twilight saga craze? What about the Harry Potter craze? Neither. What's your opinion about Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl"? It was bold for its time, for sure. I’ve never minded it. Actually since coming out as bi I’ve known that this song has to be included in the recession dances of my wedding if my partner is female lmao. Do you believe in heaven? If so, what's it like? If not, why? I hope there’s some sort of total bliss after death if you’re deserving of such, but I don’t know. I definitely don’t know how I actually picture it. Even if there’s not, well, I’m assuming I just won’t exist anymore, so I wouldn’t be able to care anyway. Sometimes I hope that's the case. What email service do you use for your main (or only) email account? Hotmail. Did you ever believe in the Tooth Fairy? Yeah. I remember there was one time where “she” didn’t trade my tooth for munz and I was so mad lmao. Mom apparently forgot and slipped something under the pillow while I was getting ready for school. How I fell for it, who knows man, kids are wild. How do you feel about Taco Bell? I’m not a Mexican food fan, really, but I do love their cheese (with or without chicken) quite a bit. The cinnamon bite things are bomb as FUCK, too. I’m still mad tilted they took potato products off their menu tho because I used to destroy the fiesta potatoes. How often do you go on to YouTube? I’m like… always on it. Not focusing on it at all times, but something’s in the background. Back when Spongebob Squarepants was famous, were you interested in it? Well of course, man. What's your dream pet? Ugggghhhh a sunset morph ball python, probably. Buuut I’ve seen some over $2k with their rarity. More realistically, I really, really want a Brazilian Black tarantula. And an arctic morph hognose. I want a lot of pets. ;_; Who's been your favorite teacher growing up, and why? God, I have a lot, honestly. All things considered, the answer is probably Miss Tobey, who was my physical science teacher in high school. She’s an extremely close family friend now involved regularly in my family’s lives. She can be… difficult and says shit before thinking, but we love her nevertheless. What's your favorite fairy tale? Fuck outta here if you say Shrek isn’t one. Do you have a favorite pen? Uh, no… I barely ever use pens anyway. Has a child ever asked you a question you found difficult to answer? Yeah; it happens sometimes with my niece and nephew. Name five books you've read in the past year. I think I’ve read the first three Wings of Fire book within the same year, and I’m currently on the forth. Other than those, I started The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but only got through the prologue I think before my focus shifted onto WoF. I still plan on reading it at some point, though. ^Are any of those books your favorite? No. The prequel to The Testaments, The Handmaid’s Tale, is very high up there, though. Are you a person that enjoys re-reading books? Not at all. Once I read it once, I’m done. There are VERY few books I’ve reread, and most of those were children’s books from when I was little. Do you have a favorite talk show host? Don’t watch any. Which sounds the most refreshing: a hot shower or a cold one? I prefer hot showers unless I seeeeeriously need to cool down. Have you ever made your own soap? No. Can you sleep with socks on? UGH NO. When was the last time you were pissed beyond belief and why? Ummm good question. I don’t know about *that* mad. Maybe when Ashley’s mother-in-law shared a massively homophobic article that condoned conversion therapy on Facebook that resulted in me removing her from my friends and RAGING to my mom about it. That was forever ago, though. Do you have a favorite candle brand? No. What is your opinion on taxidermy? I have… very mixed feelings. If the animal was hunted for sport, then it’s fuckin disgusting; you literally killed an animal with the intention to show off the fact you’re a goddamn murderer. On the other hand, taxidermy of naturally-deceased animals can be educational, and even… artistic sometimes? I don’t know. I can’t really pick one stance over the other. Would you ever want to own a body part in a jar? Actually, yes, particularly of fetal animals (that WERE NOT killed for the sake of displaying), but for the same reasons above, I’m not sure if I would *really* do it. They are incredibly interesting to me, more so than taxidermy probably, but yeah, I still question the morality of it. What is the worst thing you have ever done to your own hair? I don’t think I’ve ever really done a “bad” thing to my hair. What qualities of yours do you think could potentially harm a relationship? I’m very clingy and, in the beginning, very paranoid that you’re going to leave. Have any of your childhood habits carried over into adolescence/adulthood? I had AWFUL separation anxiety from my mom for a very long time as a kid, and I guess that evolved into my extreme inability to handle loss well, maybe. I’d say they’re at least somewhat related. What is the first band that comes to mind when I say 'dark'? Cradle of Filth popped up first. As far as relationships go, what are your biggest deal-breakers? Abuse, arrogance, and distrust probably top the list. Be honest: do looks really matter to you? Nah. It’s nice to be physically attracted to my partner, but it’s not a must. Have you ever done something simply because you were of age? No. Do you think it's worth it to tell someone you had feelings for them when you don't have them anymore? I mean, what’s the situation? Are you hanging out, talking about relationships casually? I’d say it’s fine then if it’s relevant to the conversation. I don’t think it’s worth going out of your way to tell someone you liked them if you don’t anymore, though. Have you ever done something you once thought you'd be too chicken to do? Y’know that ride at fairs where you go up really high on a circular thing with other people and then drop abruptly? That. I screamed like a mf lmao. I had to put a lot of effort into not yelling “SHIIIIIIIIIIIT” lmao. What's a food you love but don't get to eat very often? Stuff involving shrimp, ig. What's your favorite mythical being? Dragons! Have you ever felt a baby kick? I don’t think so, and I don’t want to, considering it’s fucking terrifying to me. I can’t even see a baby move without screaming and wanting to hurl. When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? Who the fuck knows… What is the worst thing you've ever done when you were really angry? Said things I shouldn’t have. Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what? A lot. I can’t be bothered to go through all of them. At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I’m not sure. Do you feel that way around anyone now? I don’t think so. What is your main heritage? German or Irish, idr which is more prominent. What is a song that you hate to admit you like? “Bitches” by Hollywood Undead came to me first lmao. What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? More than anything, watching inspirational YouTube videos. What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? I suppose maybe my ears? I had tubes put in as a kid, I had an absolutely agonizing ear infection once, I had earwax adhered to my eardrum, and they've always been STUPID dry and flaky. Are you watching your weight? Like a hawk, but it doesn’t seem to matter anyway. :^) Have you ever become really good friends with someone you found online? Most of my closest friends I’ve met online. What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen? You’re asking the wroooong person, lol. I’ve just seen way too many… Have you ever created anything artistic that you're proud of? If so, what? Lots of things; drawings, some writing, photographs, video edits… What do you like on your hotdogs, if you eat hotdogs? Just ketchup and mustard. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Sex. What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? MEERKATS and MARK What is the worst thing someone could do to you emotionally? Tell me I’m weak. Or that my mental illnesses truly do make me unlovable. Just essentially do fucking not make me feel what Jason did. What is the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally? Said some extremely mean and potentially scarring shit.

☾ * » Is that JOSEPHINE BENNET? Wow, they do look a lot like KENDALL JENNER. I hear she is a SEVENTEEN year old SENIOR who originally attended CARNIFEX Academy. Word is they are an ARISTOCRAT student. You should watch out because they can be IMPULSIVE and STUBBORN, but on the bright side they can also be LOYAL and PASSIONATE. Ultimately, you’ll get to see it all for yourself.

Hi everyone, again x 2. lol. I’m Lo. CST.

I’m back, again lol. I see a lot of new people, so here’s my intro. I actually have a full time job and go to uni in the afternoons but I won’t have any classes until September. So I’ll be free most afternoons. I’ll try to be as active as I can. Though I’ll be lurking a lot and might reply a bit in the morning since I’m currently doing home office. I’m so up for old plots and new plots. If you want to plot or just chat, don’t hesitate and hit me up or like ♡ this post.

I used to have a lot of RPing experienced, but to be honest I haven’t done it a lot lately. So yes I might be a little rusty, help me out lol.

Here’s a lot more about Josie:

B A C K G R O U N D   S T O R Y

» Josephine Eliana Bennett. Her family and close friends call her J, Jo, Josie, Eli, Elle or Bennett. 

» Born November 2nd, which makes her a Scorpio in New Orleans, Louisiana. 

» She comes from a wealthy family. Her parents travel a lot, so she isn’t really close to them. She’s close to her Tita, which basically raised her and her siblings. She grew up with everything except her parents love and support.

» Her Tita is not part of the family by blood, but she’s always been there for them to help out raised the Bennett kids. She’s pretty old and wise.

» Josie has two older brothers; Jenkin [24], Jacques [21], a younger sister; Jules who died when she was 7 and a younger brother; Jaden [11]. She is closest to Jacques, due to their personalities.

» Her sister died by drowning and Jo blames herself for it, even though she was only 9 at the time and not responsible for it. She believes her parents blame her for it as well, another reason why she isn’t close to them.

» She started doing art after her sister died, at age 9. Her Tita got her some lessons. It helped her deal with her sister’s death. Therapeutic.She's really good at it, but she has never been that serious about it. Not to become a professional artist. She kept on doing it and it’s the only thing she’s pretty much passionate about.

» Her family ancestors have been attending to Carnifex since it opened, just like her and her siblings.

» Her parents are true believers of the Carnifex / Luxor rivalry and that Carnifex is a thousand times better. Trying to get her parents attention and love she joined the Churchill circle. She beliefs in the cause, specially in a way to get her parents approval even though they aren’t aware of it. She would do anything to prove Carnifex is better than Luxor. Though she would play dumb; a true devil in disguised. UPDATE: She’s not part of the churchill circle anymore, but was.

» She wasn’t in school for a couple of months during the destruction of Carnifex and the transferring of the students, due to a family emergency (or that’s what she made everyone believe). Approved by her previous school and her parents. So she basically join Luxor Academy, a few months after the other’s did though she probably already knows a lot of the students. (This was back on July 2020)

L A S T  C O U P L E  O F  M O N T H S

SEPTEMBER 2019 - MAY 1st, 2020:

» She’s been in school but keeps a very low profile. 

» She started dating this college student, Bentley Boem. He really got her into stronger drugs; cannabis, cocaine, etc. So she started spending less time around school and more time with him and his pals.

»  When she was in Luxor you could spot her in class or sleeping in her dorm. She wasn’t a big participant of school events or her classmate events. She stop doing art as well. 

» Her relationship with her parents is worst. She’s pretty sure they believe she doesn’t exist anymore. She does keep in touch with her siblings but they are so far away, sometimes weeks go by.  

» She doesn’t believe she’s a drug addict but she hasn’t try to leave them, so who knows.

» She just broke up with Bentley. She’s not sure if they were actually a couple, but now she’s going to be more active around school. 

P E R S O N A L I T Y

» Josie is super impulsive and stubborn, which kind of makes unpredictable.

» She likes to party a lot, drink and take substances that will make her forget and relax. Her best mood is when she’s in the clouds. 

» She’s not close to people, unless you have won her over. She doesn’t show her feelings much, so she can be really cold to people even in a hard situation. But not mean, unless you ask for it. She does like to socialize a lot in a superficial kind of way.

» She’s bisexual. She has never fallen in love, though she did had a few crushes and relationships before. Finds people attractive easily. She flirts, hook ups a lot and it’s not shy about it.

» She’s super protective over the people that have won her over and loyal to them.  

» She’s independent in every kind of way.

» Even though she’s passionate about the things that she loves, like art and plants. She likes to keep this passions secret, only for her.

» She likes to pretend she’s a good girl, even though she wouldn’t hide the fact that she likes to party. Truly she is mean and capable of doing a lot of things.

E X T R A S

»  She loves nature and meditating and dancing.

» She likes gardening and mixing herbs for fun.

» She can play the piano, really well. Her grandma taught her.

» She speaks fluent, spanish and french as well.

» She’s not afraid of the water and she can swim, but she rather stay away from pools, lakes, the ocean.

» She has two cats, a snake and a tarantula back home.

C L A S S E S

Poetry*

French

Astronomy*

Visual Arts

Philosophy

Photography

Dance - Contemporary

E X T R A C U R R I C U L A R S

National Honors Society (Dropped)

Events Committee (Dropped)

Arts

Photography

C O N N E C T I O N S

This are just some basic ideas, to be honest I’m open to anything you have in mind:

» Hook up: Jackson Kingston.

» Churchill Partners / Close Friends: Chesire Elswood.

» Childhood Friend: Alek Addington.

» Close Friend: Dawn Penning.

» Exes:

» Competitive Rivals: Maia Croft.

» Distant Family

» Frenemies

» Anything and more.

I’ve managed to chill the fuck out over the last few days, in part helped by the fact that my father got offered a lay-off and took it, and my sister is now working form home. My brother is still working at the grocery stores, but I don’t really concern myself with his comings and goings - he’s a fountain of bad decisions in terms of health overall, and I don’t have the inclination nor the energy to.. care, to be honest.

Hopefully this wraps soon! If it doesn’t, then we’ll carry on through it until it does, and isn’t that what matters? The air force people were gossiping about the fact we were going to enforce a ‘shelter-at-home’ thing about 2-3 days before it actually occurred, which: I appreciate their gossipy, gossipy ways, because we know everything ahead of time.

Slightly less appreciative of the panic spike it caused, lol, but oh well. Everything is making people panic right now. Not much to do about that.

Lots of new projects! Lots of things going on in general, but none of them are particularly riveting. I’ve been pushing myself to produce more shit, while I’m trapped in what is effectively a downtime, and it’s been frustrating and miserable in parts, but that’s part of the process of learning, baby. It’s hard sometimes to sit down and acknowledge that your quality of work will not initially meet your standards! It’s also important, at least for me, to keep working until it does. So I’ll take pictures when I’ve hit that point, haha.

The first batch of seeds are planted, though! So I’m excited. Goal this year is to maintain a garden with sufficient rollover between crops that I can keep my household’s pantry and my sister’s full, and then have some excess to jar. I’m half-tempted to start growing some tomatoes indoors over the winters, too, just because it’s so easy..

Weird thing I keep butting up against: I largely don’t like nerd circles, as they occur on the internet, and I do not particularly like nerd culture on the whole. It’s both too consumeristic and both too desperate for acknowledgement in a way that grosses me out. If people aren’t scuffling to try to be known in a fandom, then they’re trying to get recognised by people who are, or else they’re trying to bite down other people who they perceive as having gained that.

This is brought on by the puzzling fact that - people regularly take my ideas. I don’t really mind: inspiration is a cycle that keeps communities, whether artistic or nerdy or what the fuck ever, flowing. If someone wants to look at something I do, and say, oh, I can do this better, and succeed, good for them - it’s just motive for me to do better. Competition is healthy, it is fun, and it improves everyone’s character. No real downside.

But man, people like to try to get aghast if they think I’ve taken their ideas! Brought on by the fact someone was complaining as to my stealing their shit, when the two of us have never spoken, I do not follow them on social media, I do not speak to anyone that associates with them - because they’re all batshit - and I have been publicly discussing this topic since July of last year, which I believe.. is possibly before they joined?

But see above wrt being batshit, I suppose. I’m a little mystified as to how I am apparently a source of gossip when I intentionally keep myself apart from fandom groups, but hey, take it as a compliment, right?

Or a reminder, haha. Every time I’m like “oh, I should interact with fandom spheres more! perhaps I will.. enjoy it? :)”, the monkey paw curls tighter, etc.

Do the even ones greater than 50!

That’s quite a few, but fortunately I need a little relaxation right now.

52. Do you ever want to get married?On the whole, yes. I don’t believe it should be religiously necessary, and I respect people who object to the history associated with marriage, or who think it’s just a piece of paper. It sounds like a financial pain in the butt, and it’s a risky move, logically speaking. But to me, it represents a conversation between two people that their life together is no longer provisional; a confirmation that they want to spend their lives together and work together as a team. I’m a realist; many marriages end in divorce, and I have as good a chance as anyone else of falling victim to those statistics. And it’s OK if things don’t work out; life can be complicated. But I also believe that when you meet the right person, there’s something special about agreeing to take that leap of faith together, and trying your best. Knowing someone feels that way about you must be an irreplaceable feeling.

54. Have you ever been cheated on? No, and I hope not to be.

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert who’s had to pick up enough extrovert skills due to work and adulting. But really, I revert to introverted given half a chance.

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with?Time travel or teleportation. Maybe flying. Do healing powers count as a talent? Lol. Realistically though, I guess I wouldn’t change who I was. Not because I’m perfect (far from it); there are lots of skills I’d love to have the time to develop. But I think it’s better to focus on what you can do now, rather than what you would have wished to have been.

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in attraction at first sight; I’m mortal, and very occasionally when I meet someone something inside goes “!!!”, but it’s usually a multifactorial thing, and it rarely happens on my first interaction with someone. But, that’s not the same as knowing someone intimately and loving them for who they are; this is not something that can happen instantly or be rushed. Most of my crushes developed over time. Maybe it doesn’t help that I am faceblind, which usually complicates things. This can make online dating harder; a picture on its own means little to me;someone can be absolutely gorgeous like a painting, but leave me cold or be completely forgettable. Talking is therefore a very important part of the process for me; you gain a much better idea of how well you click.

62. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yep, every few months since my mid 20s. I was gifted with greying hair since my late teens, and my ascension to silver-hair has rapidly gained pace since my mid 20s. My hair is greyest at the temples, which means that my usual hairstyle hides it pretty effectively. I’m quite a low maintenance person when it comes to my hair; I really just want to brush it, tie it in a bun and get on with my life. So I dye it as close to what is left of my natural hair colour as possible. I wish I had the time and energy to do something more dramatic with my hair, but medicine isn’t the easiest job to do wacky hair things. One day, I’ll let myself go natural with my hair, but given that most of my seniors in their 40s or 50s are less grey than me, I’m not quite ready to embrace the look, yet.

64. Would you go against your moral code for money?I hope not. I don’t care about money enough to compromise the things I believe in, but I’m also fortunate that I’m not impoverished. I know that’d be a much more difficult question to answer if it came from a position of severe financial need. It’s easy to say you wouldn’t do something for money when you are comfortable.

66. Who are you jealous of?I don’t believe in indulging feelings of jealousy (or envy, since the technical term jealousy doesn’t seem to fit here?), but in working through any stigmatised, negative emotions you feel. I’m not someone who gets particularly insecure about seeing other people’s lives on facebook or instagram etc. We all want different things at different times, and life is not a competition. Someone else’s happiness does not take yours away.

But in the loosest sense, sometimes, when I’m halfway through a set of 12h shifts, revising in my off hours and too tired/busy to see the people I care about or indulge my interests? I look at people living their normal 9-5 lives, with the time and energy to spend with loved ones and indulge their hobbies, and I feel a twinge that makes me re-evaluate my relationship with work because I too just want to be happy and maintain some semblance of a work-life balance. And if you just hang out with medics, you get a really warped perception of what a normal, healthy life is, so it’s actually important to hang out with non-medics too, and realise that there’s more to life than obsessing over medicine. Life needs balance, and I’m happy that people sometimes remind me of that, even if it’s at times when it gives me complicated feelings about it all.

68. How long was your longest relationship? My longest relationship is with myself, and with my parents who have put up with me for over three decades. My longest friendship has lasted since I was around 8 years old; we still talk regularly even though my best friend from primary school has now moved abroad! I’m still in touch with friends from secondary school, and even talk to some med school friends who I met in my previous degree pretty much daily. In comparison, no romantic relationship has lasted nearly as long, but they’ve lasted as long as was realistically feasible at the time. That’s not a competition; we put romantic relationships through a very different kind of process, because they are essentially an extended interview for a particularly intimate place in your life.

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Be a feminist. Nothing like a guy that respects women, treats me like a person and understands the importance of consent.

But really. Most people? Nothing. If you don’t like someone, nothing is gonna make them sexy, no matter how alluring they might try to be. But if you like someone, isn’t almost anything they do kind of sexy because they are the one doing it? I find someone doesn’t even need to be trying to be remotely sexy if you like them, it just sort of… happens. Half the fun is the way that your gaze lingers over small, almost imperceptible details and mannerisms that make them who they are. That’s my excuse for getting uh… distracted by the most random things, anyway!

72. Are you in a relationship?I’ve retired from online dating and am seeing someone. There are a lot of things going on on my life right now (and theirs), so I’m just happy to take things one step at a time and see what happens.

74. Are you a bad person? I don’t believe so? At the very least, I hope I can try my best not to be. I try to be kind, and to do better. I try to learn from my mistakes. I don’t believe in passing value judgements on people lightly; most people aren’t ‘bad people’, and by stigmatising making mistakes, we can make it harder for people to admit their mistakes and learn from them. And it makes it harder for people to process their feelings and past experiences and work on doing better.

76. What did you do on your last birthday? I don’t remember that I did anything at all on my last birthday, actually. I think I took the day off work, so I must have done something; I’m pretty sure I celebrated with a few friends and family, because I always do something, even if it is something minor. But it’s been years since I did 'big’ birthday meetups, because it’s impossible to get most of my friends in the same place these days.

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? Be bereft. I don’t really know how to answer this question; does it want a description of the entire grieving process? Needless to say, the sudden death of someone close to me would be a huge shock.

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? Do my best to spend time with all the people I care about and let them know how much they mean to me. Probably write some letters for their future selves, to make sure I got everything across. Give them all something of mine that I thought they would like, so they’d have something to remember me by.

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? I’ve been single for much longer than I’ve ever been in relationships, and I’ve been perfectly happy single for the majority of that time. There’s a self-contained peace to living a happy, fulfilling single life, and I don’t believe that being single deserves the stigma that it sometimes gets. I get a lot of hassle from relatives about being single, but that was always frustrating because they assumed I must be miserable when I really wasn’t. That said, spending time with a person who makes you happy is also a pretty nice feeling, and contributes something a little different to your happiness. It can make an already nice life a bit nicer, even if it isn’t technically essential to live a nice life.

84. What is your happiest childhood memory?I don’t know that I can pick one. I have fond memories of birthday parties, or playing with my friends or sister. Fun days out in the park. School assemblies. That kind of thing.

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? No. I had a very vivid inner life as a kid; lots of stories about what the toys got up to, but they weren’t my friends as much as they were players in our stories. Maybe it’s because I had a sibling that I never really needed an imaginary friend.

88. What is your ideal career? Helping people, but then also getting to write/draw about it, and helping other people who help people.

Because competitive 'staying in bed all day with cats and a hot drink’ is not a real job, apparently.

90. Are you conservative or liberal? Liberal. Nothing much to say here; that shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who reads my blog.

92. Do you like kissing in public? No. I’m a shy person by nature, so sloppy PDAs don’t come naturally to me. I also don’t like being stuck next to couples who are getting pretty intimate on the tube, so I don’t like the idea of making others comfortable by forcing my own romantic interactions on them. I’m a much cuddlier person in private, as my loved ones will attest.

94. Where would you like to live? I have no set plans, which is just as well because you never know where life will take you, between work or relationships. My parents never planned to end up where they did, so I remember their example and try not to get too hung up on planning exactly what form the future will take; because you really don’t always know where you will end up. But I’d ideally like to live in or around London, close enough to family and friends that they can remain a part of my life. To me, being able to spend time with the people you care about is important self-care, and ultimately important for my happiness.

96. Describe yourself in one word.thoughtful.

thoughts about being 29 on the internet that i just had in the shower...

...and had to write down. they were all basically just about how f**king - NEW. and surreal. the internet, its capabilities, and its fandoms can still be to me sometimes. i feel like i forget this a lot. but when i think about it, i can easily recall my wonder at discovering that it all existed in waves of smaller finds. and because i know there are others like me, i thought i’d share some of my own experiences. because honestly, i’ve had fewer years on tumblr and sites like it than some people much younger than me. i’m catching up and enjoying it.

firstly, i know i’m old to some of you, but i’m not really old. not really. i’m still a millennial, screwed over by student loans and old white men and viewed as part of the technological generation. i’m a phd student, and because i’m always on a college campus, i’ve been mistaken as a freshman. a few times. but it’s been fascinating to witness actual freshman and other college students and consider just how different things are for them and honestly? i’m sort of jealous. 

because...

i can remember when i first discovered that fanfiction existed. i was in third period tech skills as a junior in high school - 16 years old - and got a little off-topic and searched for spoilers for a new supernatural episode. this was in 2005 and the show had just come out (yes i still watch, i can’t escape).

and what did i find? somehow? fanfiction.net. i was, no exaggeration, shocked. i sat and read a full-length chaptered fic in episodic format. my mouth was hanging open. i saw thousands more fics in hundreds of fandoms and suddenly felt less strange for envisioning full-scale episode re-imaginings in my head as i laid in bed, dissatisfied with what i had just watched. (btw, i watched new supernatural episodes the sunday after they used to originally air on the wb on thursdays, at my mom’s house where i had my own room and own tiny tv, because no one at my dad’s house wanted to watch and streaming episodes wasn’t something i could even imagine. plus i didn’t have internet at my dad’s house. i know.)

not only that, but i was impressed as hell. here was me, not even aware that you could somehow upload your own text to the internet, and people were not simply writing polished stories in private but posting them somewhere that allowed for chapters. that allowed for people all over the world to read their words. that categorized everything into a huge virtual library. and, most incredibly to me, that allowed for reviews from people around the world.

i couldn’t believe that this new world was open to me. that people would be so generous as to offer amazing stories to me to read FOR FREE. that i had a limitless supply of content to read and review. i barely had functioning internet at home, so i had been sheltered. i told the people sitting next to me in class about it and encouraged them to check it out, mostly to blank stares. i may have even told the teacher, but no one cared. i didn’t understand. who wouldn’t be interested? i told my dad and my sister about it when i got home from school. i was mind-blown.

months in and many reads and written reviews later, i wrote my first fic. it was for smallville. 6 chapters, with updates every few days, that received 14 reviews in total. i read them all multiple times. i showed my sister. i checked the story stats every half hour. i cried. i wrote on the family computer secretly in the evening when most of my family had gone upstairs, because i was about half a year away from owning my first laptop. i wrote more stories sporadically for about 6 years, gradually getting better, but also gradually becoming more stressed and aware of negativity, online arguments, and the embarrassment and shame i suddenly felt about having an online presence. i found a supernatural forum at tv.com (the forums sadly no longer exist), learned about fandom, and immersed myself in posting and being part of a community that i thought understood me more than my friends. like a secret life.

during my first year of college, in 2007, i was in a friend’s dorm when he asked everyone if we wanted to watch an episode of scrubs. i laughed. surely he was joking. “how can we just watch an episode? it’s not on now and you don’t have the dvds.” i literally didn’t consider that there may have been a way. he excitedly told us that he had found some website that had episodes just... pre-uploaded. and that you could just click. i didn’t believe him. the stress of having to be at the tv at a certain time each week for fear of missing an episode entirely and forever was just part of being a fan, right? buying the tv guide and checking listings was necessary. but he found the episode. and clicked. it only took a few full minutes to load and there it was. again, i was astounded. this memory is so shockingly clear to me. it changed how i spent much of my free time, for one. just that moment.

sometime during this first year of college, i was home for break and came across a video on youtube, this new website i had started to use. it reminded me of ebaum’s world, which my friend would show me at her house sometimes because her computer was faster than mine. it was called “cat soup”, and by two guys that called themselves smosh. it had more views than i could comprehend - probably not much more than 5 digits, but still. they were just two kids i could have gone to school with who could create a funny video and get famous. again, i was shocked. mind-blown.

i showed my sister, my mom, and all my friends. they appreciated it a bit more than the fanfiction, but no one seemed to grasp how incredible and revolutionary it was. they all liked “shoes”, with the kelly persona by liam kyle sullivan (we still quote it today), probably because its budget and effects made it a bit more familiarly professional and it appeared less homemade (though it definitely was). but i couldn’t forget smosh. i was so impressed by them. i watched more videos and eventually found communitychannel and jenna marbles and eviliguana and shane dawson. i even found fan edits for my faves, buffy (maybe i saw one of phil’s, lol) and supernatural and smallville, and tried making my own. i freaked in 2009 or so when fred reached a million subscribers. a million. i couldn’t wrap my head around that. again, i told my sister and friends, expecting them to see the enormity of something so crazy happening, and they just... didn’t.

back in 2008, after watching “stick it” again, i recalled the name of a gymnast my cousin used to always talk about when we were kids - from the 1996 olympics - and looked her up on youtube. i realized that all gymnastics competitions imaginable had been uploaded. again - not to be repetitive - but i was shocked. there’s no better word. i gave myself a thorough education on the sport, traveling through time. i am still so grateful that i was able to do that.

sometime in 2009, my friends started pestering me to create a facebook account. i was a junior in college. 20 years old already. it sounded weird - pictures of me online? why? but i gave into pressure and made one. my mom had never allowed us to make a myspace; we were a bit young, and she hated the idea (now, she’s on facebook more than i am). around the same time i got my fanciest phone yet - an LG Env3. i figured out that it could access the internet and that i could use songs to create ringtones. again, sufficiently mind-blown. considering my first cell phone had been a flip phone with no camera that i shared with my sister during emergencies when i was 13, i felt that technology was coming along fast. 

smart phones were foreign to me for a long long time, until recently actually. i thought they were unnecessary for quite a while. i don’t even remember what phones i had at the end of college and through grad school, but i’m pretty sure they consisted of a series of cheap pay-as-you-go phones from walmart. in 2013, i went to china for a year to teach. i got a cheap phone there and used it for about 7 months. one day, a friend of mine gave me his old htc smartphone because he was getting a new one. i didn’t know how to use it, but i played one app on repeat before class and snapped some low-quality photos. after that, i almost immediately went to indonesia for another 9 months to teach high school (2014-2015). the htc phone died very quickly, so i used the nokia brick phone given to me by the organization. it was fine. i had never even used my old smartphone to access the internet, aside from wechat, thanks to china’s internet blocks. it wasn’t until i got home, in the summer of 2015, that i finally got an iphone. it was a huge deal and a big learning curve. it was also around this time that i found dan and phil and tumblr. i only got my macbook two years ago and finally think i have some things figured out.

so i may be old in some ways and remember floppy disks and the card catalog and using encyclopedias to write my middle school papers and huge computers with black screens and green text that displayed math problems in elementary school. i may be able to remember the sound of ancient, huge printers that used reams of paper with perforated, tearable strips down each side. i may remember aol red, dial-up, and not being able to connect if someone was on the phone. but i can also remember watching technology evolve in front of me, discovering fandom and the huge world of content and friendship that lay ahead. and when people try to say i’m too old to like dan and phil, i remind them that dan and phil can also remember. we’re the same age. i relate to them and their stories. to phil’s buffy obsession. to dan’s love of smosh. i’ve only had about 10 fully-cognizant years here on the internet, and only a couple in the world of tumblr and iphones and mobile apps. i’m young in those ways. and i look young enough that strangers sometimes think i’m a teenager. 

that’s laughable to me in some ways, because i’ve lived so much since my teen years. so much has happened. but in others, i don’t feel much different. there’s no age where you just feel grown up. that your interests vanish. that things suddenly seem childish and dumb. yes, i cringe about some things i wrote or did back then and i think i’ve matured, but my interests are all still relatively similar and i can finally explore them in ways that i just couldn’t before.

i hope that this has made sense. and i hope that some can relate.

i never know how to make my intros sound Cool™ and With the Times™, but i’m dri (she/her, nineteen, pst) ur local sleepy gal from socal !! my boy jasper is kind of a mess but i love him anyway, so hmu if you’d like to plot !! i still need to write stats etc. for him, but under the cut is what i’ve got so far !! feel free to ask for my discord if ur more comfortable with that !!

( wong yukhei • twenty • cismale ) looks like jasper xu just moved into apartment 3B! i heard that he is here in los angeles because he dropped out of college but has been struggling – thankfully moreau has taken them in! rumour has it, they can be quite impulsive and stubborn but at least they’re trustworthy and intuitive, hey? i can already tell they’re going to be the reticent of the building.

jasper was born and raised in northern california, specifically the silicon valley area, and he was the youngest of two siblings, a brother 5 years older and a sister 7 years older !! they treated him with a lot of love as the baby brother but his parents did have super high expectations for him. his sister went on to practice law and his brother is in med school, so the bar had been set pretty high by the time jas entered high school.

he was practically raised to be an overachiever and it caused him a lot of stress growing up. his schedule was packed with extracurricular activities such as taekwondo and robotics, and his sights were trained to be set on going to cal for some sort of engineering when he got older. he lost sleep almost every night due to the fact that he was taking 4 ap classes by the time he reached his junior year, honors spanish and tennis serving as his two other classes. he also was in band in middle school, but he doesn’t really remember how to play the saxophone anymore because it’s been so long LOL

school was always super competitive for him and it really took a toll on his mental health :// he found solace in competitive video games, a different kind of competitive outlet that also helped him connect with his friends more. he was into league, counter-strike, etc. but it was kind of a double-edged sword because the more he played games the less time he had for homework which created this cycle of being stressed about school and having his stress relief create even more stress for school ??? basically it kinda sucked !!

uh some people fell into this belief that he was this pretentious dude who thought he was better than everyone else but he was just moody a lot because he was sleepy and stressed and i guess not a lot of people outside of his friend group were entirely aware despite a majority of the campus being the same way ??? he’s a friendly dude despite seeming intimidating and a bit awkward !!

he dated a few people in high school but all of the relationships ended on the similar basis of him not making enough time for them because he had really bad tunnel vision, especially around college application season. speaking of, he wasn’t accepted into uc berkeley like his parents hoped, and it kind of bummed him out real hard, ya feel ?? he’s had a lot of low emotional points due to stress but this pretty much did him in ?? he’s a lot of self-esteem issues, so to be rejected by his “dream school” didn’t do him much good. although, he was accepted to ucla, so that’s where he ended up going for computer engineering !! some serious talks with his friends lifted up his spirits and then he was on his way to la !!

in college, he didn’t entirely shake off the whole “one-track mind” mentality he had, but he sure was way more relaxed than he was in high school because he didn’t have to think about applying to grad school or anything. however, he still kept up his overachiever antics, naturally taking close to the max amount of units he could. he also played games (mostly overwatch) on his own time, streaming on twitch from time to time. 

going to university, unfortunately, gave him really, really terrible imposter syndrome. he managed to shake off the discouragement throughout his first year, but during winter quarter of his second year, he was taking his first upper division classes and he started to experience a bad case of burnout. he found it difficult to do much of anything due to the returned stress he felt, which seemed to be worse than it was in high school, especially since he was also going through a breakup at the same time. he felt like he couldn’t do it anymore, like he didn’t even want to pursue engineering, and he overall just felt incredibly lost. he didn’t even know what his passion was. so, impulsive as he is, he just straight up dropped out. so now he’s here at the apartments, still no clue what his next move is.

his family caught on come spring quarter because they have access to his billing account or whatever and it showed that he wasn’t enrolled in any classes and they started blowing up his phone but he just... didn’t answer. he’s basically been dodging his entire family for the past several months and they don’t really know where he is. he talked to his brother, like, maybe twice to let him know that he’s okay, but other than that he’s avoiding having to confront his parents more than anything. 

right now he’s working at a boba tea house and trying not to think about how he disappointed his family and himself SKDJGSLDGS he’s thought about going back to university but he has this whole pride thing that’s making his stick to his decision of dropping out ;/ if anyone asks him if he’s in college tho 9/10 times he says he is because he doesn’t want to explain himself. the 1/10 is if ur lucky and he trusts u.

so, yeah, that’s basically jasper’s backstory! as for his personality, he can seem kind of aloof from time to time. the type of person that you meet for the first time and think they hate you even though they didn’t express any hatred ?? does that make sense ?? in reality though he’s a sweet dude, pretty considerate but in a tsundere type of way. he doesn’t know how to give a compliment well so it sounds like he’s insulting you sometimes but then you think about it and you’re like ??? wait that was a compliment ??? like if u dress up nice he’d be like ... hey u look ... less ugly today congrats SDGDSGSD he’s the playful bullying type of friend i suppose !!

seems like he’s cool and intimidating but he’s really just shy and awkward LMAO standing up against the wall looking at his phone ?? he’s reading a web comic

his temper is relatively short, especially when he hasn’t gotten a lot of sleep, which is ... often KDSGSDSJG he’s an impatient boy

yells a lot when he plays video games; has gotten complaints (he’s very competitive if u didn’t know)

wants to pet every dog he encounters

has never seen a superhero movie but can quote one punch man and my hero academia because he’s a Nerd

can’t drink beer anymore because he threw up once and even the smell reminds him of that time ;/ he avoids kombucha too

that’s all i got for now :~)

Random Tag!

Tagged by @yoonelf 

ily girl <333

(I also was recently tagged by A TON of peeps but sadly it got buried in my notifs so I can’t find who all tagged me :(  But I kinda meshed multiple together bc they were similar?  So this is like a hybrid)

How tall are you? 5′10

What colour are your eyes? green-blue (they change color a lot, so sometimes they’re more green, sometimes they’re more blue)

Do you wear contacts and/or glasses? Not really?  My parents bought me glasses for my less than 1/4 prescription in one eye just bc it was free with insurance?? idk lol

Do you wear braces? no 

What is your fashion style? It depends on the season, like summer I wear jean shorts and crop tops and sundresses and converse and platform flip flops and fall and winter I wear sweaters and jeans/leggings and uggs.  I always wear off the shoulder tops, though.  they’ re like my go-to style

When were you born? March 30

How old are you? 17 (younger than all of stray kids I know -_-)

Do you have any siblings? older sister

What school/college do you go to? it’s called International School

What kind of student are you? I finished 1st semester Junior year with straight A’s, but my gpa is like a 3.87??

What are your favourite subjects?  Choir and French

What are your favourite movies? Oh god, I love so many movies.  I love every single marvel movie, LOTR, Disney movies (esp Mulan, Moana, and Hercules), 10 Things I Hate About You, She’s the man, oh and I also like a lot of DC movies like Suicide Squad

What are your favourite pastimes? writing, sleeping, playing with my dogs and cats, sleeping, texting my friends

Do you have any regrets? oof so many XD

What is your dream job? idk, like unrealistically I’d love to be a singer/actress, but I know I’d never make it.  More realistically, I’d love to do something that would let me travel and see the world, like a Disney Park travel blogger or something lol

Would you like to get married? yes, but I’m still young rn

Do you want kids? How many? yes, 3

How many countries have you visited? USA, Canada, Mexico, France

What was your scariest dream? oof I have too many omg.  the scariest realistic dream I had was that I got pregnant and the cops were after me bc I was a minor

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other? nope, (I’m gonna die alone I just know it XD)

Put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping list the first 15 songs:

(I did my driving playlist which for the most part isn’t English bc it helps me not zone out while driving)

Stuck On You - Up10tion

Transformer - Exo

Silver Spoon - Bts

PACE - 3racha

Love Me Right - Exo

Baby Don’t Like It - Nct

The Eye - Infinite

Campfire - Seventeen

Yestoday - Nct

Awaken - Stray Kids

District 9 - Stray Kids

My Page - Nct

Small Things - 3racha

No More Dream- Bts

Nxt 2 U - 3racha

Song stuck in your mind: Rewrite the Stars 

Last movie I saw: Coco

Last thing I Googled: Sray Kids Caitlin I hate myself omg

Other blogs: @cursedstraykids (don’t look at it, it’s very cursed XD)

Do I get asks: recently I got over 200 in like a few days!!  But before now, it was occasional.  Like not every day, but sometimes I’d get quite a few in a day or something.

Why I chose my username: I had a bunch of urls saved and I made a poll for which one people wanted me to change mine to and felixthekoala won.

Following: 300 blogs

Average amount of sleep: 6-8 hours I’d say?  Idk it depends

Lucky number: 3

What am I wearing: A blue cami and yoga pants.  So fancy.

Dream job: Something involving travel.  (singer/actress as well)

Dream trip: Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, Japan, Korea, China, Italy... the list goes on XD

Also I’d love to go on a trip to every Disney property in the world!

Favorite food: Broccoli!!! Also I love Thai food and Kalua Pork.

Play any instruments: Piano

Play(ed) any sports: Used to play soccer at a level down from professional (very competitive).  I had to quit because I was constantly injured.

Hair color: brown (soon to be brown with rose gold ombre!!)

Most iconic song: Hellavator by Stray Kids

Languge you speak/ are learning: I speak English and have taken french for 8/9 years and lived in france for a couple weeks.  I’m not really learning other languages but I kind of pick up on bits and pieces of other languages that I hear, and I watch a lot of foreign movies and tv shows so sometimes I like think in this language called Korfrenglidutchese XD.  Basically I know random words/phrases/exclamations in Dutch, Spanish, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Italian (I only know the Italian prayer my papa taught me and the curse words he taught me, even though I’m Italian XD), and German.  And it gets hard when in French class I can’t remember the English or French word for blood, and all I can think of is the Korean word...  Stuff like that.  (even though English is my first language XD)

Random Fact: I made a fool of myself on live tv XD  (but that has also not been my first time on tv lol)

Describe yourself as asthetics/things: amusement park roller coasters, Hawaiian sunsets with explosions of color, fuzzy socks and throw blankets, piano cluttered with hundreds of papers of sheet music and chords & lyrics, koalas.  (That’s it.  Just Koalas.  I am a koala. XD)

Tagging: @doublekn0t @realstraykids @maaatryoshka @kpop-stole-my-lyfe @minhomygod @straycuties @bangchanmix @bangchant @bangchcn @meatmeinthemiddle-mark @strgaykids @himeaegyo @hey-hey-chan @jiisung @xxstraykids @s0ftminho @busanjeongin@awoojinstan @bangchanstic

The Danvers Sisters (the youngest sibling)

Request: could you write some headcannons on being alex and kara's little sister? 

a/n: HECK YEAH I CAN. These are always so fun to do lol, bring it on!! These are more dumb than emotional, I think... I live for the trash and the crack, y’all LOL

Also a little sidenote, headcanon requests (for now, anyway, in my absence) are something I’d be more likely to do since they’re much quicker than coming up with actual prose - those are the ones I really want the most time to focus on. These are just quicker as little flashes of inspiration, and they even help in creating some backstory for the other requests. So that’s just the reason why I’m getting to them before the other prompts, in case anyone was wondering. Have an awesome day y’all :D

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it wasn’t always that you were close to your sister, Alex. Life seems to have a different way of handling things than you expect, and you’ve come to learn that things fall into place exactly as they’re meant to; when they’re meant to

you were much younger than Alex, and you figured you had a relationship as ordinary as any other siblings would have. She wouldn’t annoy or pester you, but she would tease you quite often whenever she had the chance - for the most part, you took it in stride, never having seen your sister get close to anything that could be described as malicious

she was always so cool and even at a young age, she just seemed to know what she was about

you, on the other hand, were both parts rambunctious as you were delightful. You spent as much time feeding your untamed imagination as you did swimming the depths of the deep ocean or chartering the vast distances of outer space

Alex never failed to mention how lame you were, but nonetheless joined in whenever the two of you were outside and parkouring on nearly every single thing you could find in your wild savannah adventure

your parents eventually put you into sports to expend your impressive abundance of energy - needless to say you thrived at it, albeit a little too eagerly, if the bruises you got and the fiery competition in your eyes were any indication

you never thought Alex’s loud music was scary or perplexing, you just wouldn’t come to appreciate it until years later on your own; your parents, however, often had to remind her to turn it down several decibels to a humanly acceptable level

when freakin’ Superman himself brought a girl maybe about Alex’s age, maybe a little bit younger to your house and your parents told you she was going to be your new sister, you were ecstatic

now that you saw him, you didn’t really think he was as impressive as you thought he would be, and you said as much. Your mom chastised you and your dad laughed, and Superman winked at you as he took off

Alex, however, was wary about her - she had a better understanding of the implications of having an alien sister; you just thought about how awesome it’d be

your new sister, Kara, shared your room. You were more amenable to the arrangement than Alex would have been (if they’d even asked her, which they didn’t)

you let her pick which bunk she wanted to sleep in, and she merely stared wide-eyed and alarmed at your excitement. Your parents had to remind you that Earth was an entirely new world to her, and it was only then you really considered just how much your new sister needed you

she didn’t talk much, and you were fine with that. You’d get her talking eventually. You spent so many nights speaking seemingly to yourself, but Kara always looked at you with rapt attention, and you always knew she was listening

“What do you mean you don’t have Harry Potter in space? No- wait, you don’t even have to say anything for me to know that look on your face. I have to fix this. I’ll read you every single book, okay?”

much credit should be given to you, because you did, and Kara would start asking you questions about the story or the characters, her mouth still trying to form around new words of an entirely different language

“So magic is just human technology but more advanced?” “Well, not exactly, it’s just... it’s magic.” “Is alien technology considered magic to Earth?” “I mean, I guess it could be.” “Does Hermione love Harry?”

you’d seen less and less of Alex, she was a teenager in high school after all, but sometimes you’d all get together on some nights and watch the stars, all of you intimately aware of Kara’s place in them

rather frequently, you’d hear Kara sniffling from her top bunk, and you’d never fall asleep until you heard her crying cease - you never said anything to her when she did and you never made mention of it in the morning

in your young mind, you thought the best course of action was simply to just distract, and damn were you good at that

you taught Kara how to play soccer, and you think you nearly peed your pants from laughing so hard when you watched her kick an old car tire just a little too hard, and Alex stood watching on the porch like she’d just seen a ghost

you dragged Kara to the park with you constantly, and you’d spend a good majority of your afternoons on the swings - it was a nice feeling to know this was as close you’d experience of the powers of flight that Kara was bestowed with. You suspected it humanized her in some way, and if the content smile she had whenever she swung back was any indication, you think she appreciated the normalcy it gave her

when Kara eventually learned to have much more control of her new powers on Earth, your family spent a day at an amusement park, and you loved the way Kara laughed when she was on the roller coasters

you let Kara go through all your Backstreet Boys and N’Sync CD collections, and you adored her for being the only person you think you ever knew who loved both as undivided and fiercely

Alex absolutely loathed when you two started singing in your bedroom, but you think you’d seen a hint of a smile on her face whenever she stood scolding at your door, but you might have imagined it

she spends less and less time at home and more time being out, and you thus spent even more time around Kara. Alex, in her frequent socializing, simultaneously became more closed off, and you wondered about it - Kara did too

“Does Alex hate me?” “What? No, Alex is just... Alex. She’s always been like that.” “Really?” “Yeah, really, she still loves us though.” “I didn’t have any siblings on Krypton.” “Well, now you have two.”

when Alex was to go off to med school, it wasn’t without proper farewell, and when she spoke to you personally you began to realize just how much you’d miss your oldest sister

“Hey, take care of Kara alright?” “I have, and I will” “Yeah, I know you have. You’re doing a great job... you’ve always been better at it than me.” “We’ll miss you.” “I know.”

Kara went off to college and when it was your turn just a short time after her, you’d shared an apartment, neither of you seeming to not be able to let go of your childhood memories entirely. You got a full-ride scholarship on the basis of playing varsity basketball

throughout the entirety of your experience away from home, she still maintained her normal human persona, and you were set to believe the remainder of your life would continue on that path

Alex, for her part, had gotten into trouble, and after her stint in jail, she’s fixed herself up and found a job as a scientist, you’ve been informed. Admittedly, you were beyond relieved - finally, the sister you always thought was the smartest person you ever knew was putting her brilliance to work

you weren’t jealous when Kara came out to the world and used her powers to save Alex’s flight to Geneva from crashing into the city, but you did ponder how this new development rocked the boat entirely

nobody told you that Alex was a secret government agent working in the extra-terrestrial branch, you figured that out on your own. What was a surprise to you, however, was the fact that it took years to put together that Kara was related to Superman

“Holy shit... how did I not... wow.” “Really, (Y/N)? You’re a Danvers, I can’t believe you.” “Yep, he’s definitely my cousin.” “Clark? Honestly? Did you know I told him he wasn’t as good-looking as I imagined he’d be when I first saw him?” “Oh my god-” “For someone so brainy you’re also a huge idiot.”

you still fight with Kara over the last Ben and Jerry’s pint, but only because you’re far too lazy to have to replenish your stock literally every day

when you came home with a new tattoo, she wouldn’t stop gawking at your arm, and you thought about how adorably fascinated Kara was with human physiology - even with the more you got, Kara would never stop examining them in great length, and you always indulged her

Alex always comes over whenever she can (nearly every night, in fact) and you all have pizza and watch TV

Kara is particularly intrigued by Orphan Black and all the implications of cloning and autonomy

you’ve become more comfortable around Alex now that she’s allowed herself to be softer, and you’ve taken the mantle of being the annoying sister when she brings Maggie to the apartment one night

you live for the scowl on Alex’s face whenever you share embarrassing stories about her, and it’s only made so much better when Kara eagerly joins in and substantiates everything you say

when you take Kara to her first Comic-Con, you never loved yourself more than you did at the very moment you captured Kara’s reaction at seeing all the Supergirl cosplays, and you relished in how dumbstruck but mystified she looked

you still get texts from Kara asking you what certain words mean, or asks for your opinion on which words are better to use in different contexts when she becomes a CatCo journalist

you never would have suspected it, but Kara is as surprisingly intimidating as Alex is whenever you bring someone new home as a date

you always worry about Alex and Kara whenever the security of the city is at stake again (this happens far too often than you care to acknowledge) but the way they come crashing into your apartment and topple onto the couch every single time after a successful battle is enough to remind you that you have two superheroes for sisters

217

Have you ever had a friend that you found extremely annoying but put up with anyway? JM is the biggest pessimist I know- and not even in a humorous way. It can be such a damper on my mood sometimes. Like I would start sharing a story and be excited, but he’d be the first to interrupt with “so what?” which gets on my fucking nerves. The funny thing is he’d be so confused when I snap back at him with just as much bitchiness. He’s also a realist towards literally everything and sometimes it can be a killjoy when it a large group. Still, he’s a decent dude. In the winter if your skin gets really dry do you bother to use lotion, or do you just leave it alone? I use lotion even if we don’t get winter because moisturized skin feels very nice. What would your friends think of you if they read every survey answer that had to do with them? Maybe surprised. I’m never that expressive towards them. Who was the last person you sat beside at a restaurant? My sister. Do you hate being the first person to start a conversation? I don’t mind it as much these days.

Who is popular in your country? (Singers, actors etc.) K-pop groups, Korean actors, the Stranger Things cast, the entire Marvel cast, Chance the Rapper, all the rappers. What did you watch today? I haven’t watched anything. True or False: Yoshi is the cutest dinosaur ever? Kinda. At least I find him less annoying than Birdo or Toad. Peaches or plums? Neither. Do you understand art? Not usually. I always say I’m here to appreciate art, but Gabie will interpret everything for me lol. Spongebob or Patrick? I love them both. Do you read books or magazines more? Neither. Yikes, self. I’d choose to read a magazine, though. Do/did your parents buy you a lot for Christmas? No. We were a lot of kids in the house and weren’t well-off growing up either, so each kid only got one gift. Come to think of it, it makes me sad and is yet another reason as to why I want kids of my own–so that I could give them a life I didn’t get to have. Would you rather watch little kid’s cartoons, older kid’s cartoons, or adult cartoons? I love all cartoons. There’s at least one show I enjoy per age group :-(( How about watching regular cartoons or anime? Regular. I was never into anime. What cartoons/anime do you actually like, if you like any at all? Right now it’s just We Bare Bears, but I want to get into adult cartoons when I have time. What are a few “dream” jobs you have in general? I don’t really do those because keeping them around makes me sad. Out of all the cultures in the world, what culture do you find the most interesting? Indian. What’s something that bothers you about girls? We’re very competitive...against each other... What are you doing tomorrow? Do a report for history and study all day for my Filipino oral exam. Maybe work on another paper. Do you wet the toothbrush before the toothpaste? Yes, it feels so dirty if I apply it on immediately.

Where do you like to keep your money? In my wallet which is always either in my bag or car. Would you ever dye your hair blonde? No. What are you wearing? Comfy clothes I usually wear at home. Do you like ramen noodles? I like ramen, but I buy it for the broth and not the noodles. Do you own a webcam?  It’s already on my laptop. Who was the last person you took a picture with? I think my girlfriend. Do you like Redbull? Never had it. It’s always the thing being given away for free in events in my school though, but I never was interested enough to give it a sip. Who is the last person you spent money on? Drinks. :----( Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re eighteen?  I’m 19 and don’t have a kid. Do you hate it when people mispronounce your name?  It’s a fairly understood name so no one has mispronounced it before. Everyone misspells it, though. Do you have a digital camera? My sister has one but it’s tucked away somewhere. What’s the last kind of Vitamin Water you had? I don’t drink that. Do you own a copy of Roller Coaster Tycoon? Nope. Do you have any birth marks in embarrassing places? I have one on my butt, but I don’t find it embarrassing. When was the last time you were in a hospital? 7 years ago. Do you like to kill people on the Sims? Sometimes hahahahaha. Have you used Limewire before? Very briefly, but I was scared of the viruses so I never used it as a regular thing. Are you or were you in a band? Neither. Is the taste of alcohol appealing to you? Depends on the alcohol.

Lynn 58

I got to her office and she was in the bathroom so I waited outside even though her doors open. When she came out I went in and use the restroom and then went back and knocked on her door. She said come in so I sat down and she asked how I'm doing I said I was well and asked how she was she said she was also well. She asked how things have been and what was new I said the only thing that came up was Thanksgiving and it was fine. She pointed out that my face said otherwise and I was like well I'm in the cops and income this year so that's definitely an improvement from last year. I asked her if I told her about my mother-in-law's passing aggressive remark before hand and she said yes and she had remembered which honestly I was on the surprise should remember that but she did and so I told her all about how I had tried communicating with her about feeling hurt by the passive aggressive of remarks and also about her hiding the cookies. Her response was basically that she was proud of me and that she thought I did a really great job handling myself. We talked about family dynamics and how my mother-in-law is not in a healthy place and it was obvious that me being an adult and trying to talk about these things show that. I said I wish it felt better and I just felt like another reminder of what's the point in trying to get my needs met when people are going to be receptive or give a shit if I'm being hurt. She pointed out that she feels like I need to look at that differently because she things I did get my needs met but not by her. She pointed out that I'm at my own needs by communicating what I needed.   She reminded me also that when I have a house we can host and things can be different. She also talked about setting strict boundaries and the idea of bringing my own cooler of food and bringing the dog to my friends apartment and then basically I would have to always leave and spend less time with them because I need to go take care of my dogs and she doesn't want my dog there and that basically it would be a natural consequence which might actually show her that having the dog there would actually be better. She explained how sometimes people do better with learning from natural consequences when they aren't willing to listen or hear you. We talked about family traditions and I said it's just a really big jump because in my family we always have a formal sitdown lunch or dinner and everyone dresses up and it's very formal and there are traditions. She said that she grew up the same way and she thinks that maybe a northern thing with people getting dressed up and being formal. So then she ended up telling me about her family and how she grew up very traditional as well and how she didn't really do a good job caring that on with her kids. She said that part of that was simply out of necessity because she had three of them and two of them were the same age. She said that on Christmas they stick with the tradition of her making meatballs and everybody kind of just come down whenever and they all eat together. I was like wait you're Italian right and she was like yeah and meatballs is what my grandmother always did growing up so I have carried that part down but I do wish looking back that I had tried to carry on some of the other traditions a little bit more. She was like yeah sometimes it was just like to hell with it come to dinner I don't care if you're in your pajamas. She said how she likes to change up holidays every so often and still occasionally over the years they have gone out to eat. She said this year they actually went out to eat because her father offered to pay for them to all do a meal if she didn't feel like cooking so she was like actually you know what I'm going to take you up on that offer. She said they went to Chesapeakes and she didn't tell her kids it's a seafood restaurant so they went there and she figured that maybe they would have some kind of turkey plate since they were open for Thanksgiving and the kids walked in with her and just saw fishtanks everywhere and they all just started laughing because  they realize that it was a seafood restaurant and they're definitely wasn't going to be any Thanksgiving food there. She said that one of her kids was disappointed one was like and whatever and the other one didn't care. She said she sees holidays as being more about the time spent together than the actual traditions and feed them selves so she doesn't mind going out to eat. She said growing up that they often made ham and she didn't like him and I was like yeah I was in allowed to have pork as a kid. She said she hates making turkey because it's just this big huge carcass that you have to cook LOL. I explained how I offered to help cook and so did my husband sister and that my mother-in-law ended up literally just making the stuffing in the turkey and the rest of it we all dead. Lynn was like well that's a different story my kids always say that they are going to help out but then they never do. I told her that I don't mind cooking and helping out. I told her about running the 5K and how I didn't actually run but that I actually walked and I was able to just tune everybody out and listening to dear Evan Hansen the whole time. She smiled and was like that's awesome and asked if I was going to go see the show. I was like Lynn it's literally sold out for months in advance and she was like yeah but you can get a re-sold ticket and I was like no you really can't and she was like yes you can and I was like how and she was like we didn't and I was like OK when was that and she was like a year ago and I was like OK but since they won all the Tonys  it has become ridiculous to find tickets. She was like I really don't think so and she told me to go to stub hub tonight and check and see if ticket prices drop tonight for the show for tonight and if I am willing to be flexible and go hang out in New York City for the day I may be able to get a ticket for more like 200 bucks. I told her I would definitely be willing to pay $200 to go see yet. She said if not it's going to go on tour eventually anyway I'm and I was like yeah well it won't be the same and that's not even with Ben Platt anymore so you would think the price would go down. I told her that I got the waving through the window back and that I am still super abscessed with the soundtrack and everything. She explained how Hamilton was basically and still is always sold out because of winning all the Tonys. I told her about James the guy at church who is friends with one of the guys who produced dear Evan Hansen and how he studied musical theater competition at NYU. She said that was cool and asked if he still does any of that anymore but I said I don't think so but I don't really know what he does. She mentioned how different things will be when we own a home and that I can bring back some of the traditional things that I love about holidays there. I explained how I definitely do want to carry that on with my kids if possible. She asked where we are at with the homebuying process and I explained that I actually went and looked at a house yesterday but we decided not to pursue it but we are preapproved and just continuing to look. She said that was good and definitely will be nice with getting  The house that has everything that we are wanting rather than being pressured to quickly by something. I told her which two towns we are looking to purchase in and how currently I commute 30 to 35 minutes to my office. Lynn was shocked by this and was like oh my gosh you definitely need to move closer and I was like I mean that's kind of standard for our area. I explained how the homes nearby in downtown are basically all zoned for terrible schools so it wouldn't be good to get a Home  in that area so basically either way I will need to commute at least 20 minutes. Lynn said she commutes 6 miles so it's just a few minutes away from her house and it's great. I was like again living the dream LOL. I explained how it was just really frustrating having that conversation with my mother-in-law because it just feels like I tried to communicate how I feel and things will not really change with her and she will continue to be insensitive. I explained how it's frustrating because you would think that somebody who knows my history with an eating disorder and try to be more sensitive to issues around food but that instead she made that joke about the cookies and always is mad that I eat her food and always makes snippy remarks about her food not being organic for me. When was like yeah you would think but not everybody is sensitive and willing to think about how their actions   Hurt other people. I told her that I spent the majority of my time at their house playing with the toddlers because I love babies or getting lost in my paint by number Kit. Lynn had no idea what that was so I was like OK I will just take a picture and show you at the end when it is complete. She was like wait so do you hang it up on the wall? I was like honestly I'm not usually I just end up throwing them away it's more about finding a mind numbing activity that I can just zone out and enjoy. She said she feels that way about puzzles. I was like I love puzzles to. She explained how she loves doing puzzles at the beach but that it becomes almost addicting and then you sit there like one more piece and I was like yeah and that's how it is with the paint set. She said that sometimes she ends up doing puzzles instead of actually being out on the beach but that the best is when it rains at the beach and then she can actually sit there and do a puzzle for a while. 

So then she asked me if I like to read and by this point I knew that she was kind of trying to fill time because we didn't have enough time to do EMD are. I said yes I love to read and she asked about movies. I said no I don't like watching movies or TV remember because I'm sensitive and I get over involved with the characters and then I end up really upset and way too into it. She was like oh that's right and then she started telling me about the movie ladybird and what a great movie it is. She went on and on about how it shows good family dynamics and how her hope for me would be that at some point I will be able to watch movies like that and maybe get teary like most people but not have this overwhelming I'm unlovable response. She explained how she watched it with her daughter and there's this one scene where the mom and daughter are in the dressing room and the daughter comes out and she loves the outfit in the mom hates it and the daughter basically says something like I wish just for once you could see me for me. Lynn said that her daughter was actually crying and this was her daughter who apparently dressed sassy and not how Lynn would have wanted. Lynn explained how she was able to quickly apologized to her daughter and explain how she never meant to make her feel that way and how someone like my mom would have watch that movie and Azlan point it out would have probably breezed over that unaffected and been like I never did that to you. She explained how Lynn and I are very different than the general population because we are therapists and we are introspective. She explained how people like my mom are in denial and aren't interested in becoming self aware and looking at how they are hurting people and probably never will. She explained how much better life will be when I can be aware of that and accept it and move on from it. She also said the movie had 100% on rotten tomatoes and I can always consider going to see it.

Lynn said that it sounded like overall that I'm doing really well. I was like I mean I guess but I think it's more or less that I'm just not complaining about things that I know won't change. She was like well isn't that progress and I was like no because I'm still thinking about those things when I'm not in here. She was like what do you mean? And I was like well like the way that I still get upset and obsess over feeling fat or ugly or feeling guilty about how much money I've spent on getting better. She was like but isn't it progress that you aren't talking about it in here and that you didn't come in with the list today? I was like I don't know I guess. I just took it more as I am realizing that it's not really helpful to sit here and complain about it. She was like well maybe it's going to shift and I was like I don't know maybe. She asked how things with my husband were and I said they were pretty good for the most part. She asked how we responded with me talking to his mom. I explained how he was kind of just like oh OK. She was like really? I was like yeah I think he has pretty much excepted that she's passive aggressive and it is what it is and we can't change it. I also explained how I noticed that the lower was coming back into style which she laughed and said it was a thing in the 80s too so it must come back every 10 years and I was like yeah and I had this one outfit that I loved and that was galore and that my mom like hated it and I have been thinking recently about how the only times that my mom ever told me that I was pretty weird when she had dressed me includes that she likes that of course were things that I didn't like and when she did my hair in a way that she liked my hair to be and that I'm wondering how much of my mom only telling me I'm pretty when I look her certain way has affected my views of myself. 

I told her that she had asked me to remind her about how I'm not good with the float back technique and then I had thought about it more. I explained how I was thinking about how I was so checked out during childhood and then I was just always dissociating and daydreaming that I think that's why I really can't connect feelings in my body now with the past. She was like oh that's OK and that's really common for kids with lots of chronic trauma. She was like and you've got plenty of things that I would say are chronically traumatic . I just sat there like I mean I guess. She talked about with me having suds of one and becoming OK with that or working through whatever it is and what is stopping me from that. I don't member how it came up that I said that I do admit that there is a part of me that is afraid to get better and she scribbled down and I was like what the heck are you riding over there and she laughed and was like I wrote down fear of getting better. I was like oh OK and she was like I mean I think that's pretty significant. Don't you? And I was like I may not really and she was like wait what and she like made a face of complete disbelief and shock and laughed and was like Really? You don't see that being a big issue and I was like I mean it is but it's not like I don't feel like that's what prevents me from getting over certain things like the phobia aspect. She was like I don't know I think that's a pretty significant piece and could potential he be what stopping all of the ones from going down. I was like I don't know maybe and she was like well we can address that next time and start with that. I said OK and we scheduled for next week. I asked her about using office ally and she said she uses that one and it's the free one and she doesn't have anything to compare it to but she's happy with it. She said whenever it switches to having to do the electronic medical record she thinks she will retire LOL. I was like or you can just do life coaching and she was like I was forget that's a thing but I've had colleagues tell me that and I was like yeah I already pay you and it's not like my insurance is helping out at all so it would basically be the same thing and she was like yeah that's true I need to look into that at some point. We said our goodbyes and I headed out.

I never wanted to be a mother

Oh boy, the miracle of birth and whatnot!

I’m really bad at absolutes. For example, as long as I can remember I’ve told people I never wanted to be a wife or a mother. As a little girl I remember looking at both jobs and being like, “Nah.”

My daughter was not my first pregnancy. The first time I was en-wombed was in university and I was a freshman who in the short span of six months time was sexually assaulted, and entered into a volatile physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Because of some mental health problems and a total lack of self esteem, I didn’t see either of these things in their correct light, I just thought my first year away from home was a real education in female adulthood.

Fortunately my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Is it weird or wrong to say that? I don’t think so. I was 19 and had already chipped a front tooth from being punched in the face by my boyfriend. So when I think about that time in my life, I don’t feel any guilt. Also I didn’t know I was pregnant until it was too late and what I thought was the worst period of my life was actually a miscarriage.

This gave me the impression that my physical person was a hostile environment to children. It proved that I knew I could and would not be a mother, ever.

—

To talk about my daughter’s birth, I have to set the stage, which in retrospect I’ve always described as an unfortunate series of events, but now I realize fully how incomplete and lacking in good substance my life would have been without her. I have to look at these events as exactly the way things were supposed to happen.

First, I could not find a writing job out of college (I graduated with a degree in English literature, lucrative I know). All of my self esteem issues came to a head and I resigned myself to the fact that I had been posing in college as a person with ambition when really I was going to end up staying a small town person working retail or as another’s administrative assistant or something.

Second, my sister graduated from college the following year and decided to move to Las Vegas. Through zero seconds of trying to convince me I decided to come along. Also our parents were already living there (they had moved while we were both in university).

This new start inspired me and I decided to do something completely different with my life. I was going to change the world by joining the Peace Corps. Whoa, except that stipend does NOT even come close to covering my credit card bills and student loans. Umm, backup plan, I was going to change the world by teaching English in South America, somewhere like Argentina or something. In the meantime I had to save up for this adventure so I took the first job I could, in retail.

Third, sexism has pissed me off for a long time. Growing up tomboy really instilled an (arguably ignorant) type of jealous competitiveness in me. Anything they can do, I can do better, or in the very least I can do it too. So when my male peers (retail managers) were having relationships with younger employees, I decided to too. I’m a modern woman, and cougars were like definitely a thing by then. I started hooking up with a very hot, barely legal (but also very legal), sales associate.

Next, in a few months time my sister moved to Seattle and my parents moved back to Washington state. They moved me into my own apartment on Warm Springs and back home to Richland in the same weekend. Finally I was a modern woman living in Las Vegas, with her lifelong companion cat (i.e., cat I picked out when I was 6 years old) Beauty, making it happen.

Just kidding, I got pregnant.

—

Getting pregnant a second time was a complete shock. And by that I mean, I thought it was impossible. As in, not even within the realm of possibility.

I’d been having some lady troubles for sometime and since my sister had had Exorcist level kidney stone problems I went to the doctor right away for fear. The doctor confirmed what I had known since I was 19. Well, almost. She said it appeared that my symptoms might be an indication that I was infertile. Twenty-four year old me: duh. But they still had to run the tests.

Getting pregnant brought intricate complexity and mind-numbing simplicity to my life. Having to tell the parents of my 18 year old (now boyfriend, ugh) that I was pregnant was terrifying. Having to tell my parents, worse.

No more changing the world.

No more Argentina.

No more writing.

No more freedom.

I had just fast tracked my path to wife and mother by being a “modern woman” making things happen.

No more infertility, what the hell?

And since this was clearly a miracle baby, getting rid of her never once entered my mind. This was obviously a baby Jesus type situation.

We moved from Vegas to Kansas City with his family. To say it politely, my parents weren’t pleased by my condition and the distance did us both a lot of good (I told myself). His family, on the other hand, were very happy and excited by the baby’s coming. At least they always gave the very genuine appearance of being so. I was less excited.

Actually I was the most depressed I’d been in my life at that point. I knew my body was a hostile place to fetuses so what the heck!?

I absolutely could not imagine the whole exit strategy of my situation. Instead I imagined death.

I took lots of time to myself and wrote pages and pages of tear-stained journals I can’t bear to read now. I slept as much as I could. I was mourning my death while I was still alive, growing a life inside of me.

Also I had to get rid of my cat, what the fuck.

—

I knew I was never meant to be anyone’s mother and so I was positive I would carry this baby to term and die during labor, and she would be cared for by this warm and loving family. And I would die young like I’d always predicted. Well, youngish.

My OBGYN became worried by my morbid questions about death rates.

I refused to have a baby shower or anything resembling a baby shower because I couldn’t imagine celebrating the event that was going to kill me.

My lamaze class teacher asked me stop asking questions about worst case scenarios because I was scaring the other mothers.

—

Working in retail brought about what I felt to be appropriate levels of shame and self-hatred.

Strangers, assuming me to be much younger than I was, made completely hideous comments about me and my baby, and my education (lol, right). I was constantly touched and given advice by strangers, interrogated regularly.

My retail district was close to a particularly violent one regarding shoplifters. Other managers in my store had been maced or stabbed with the tools shoplifters brought into stores to break off the security tags. One day I found the equivalent of a shiv in the front room of my store and went into the stockroom and had a complete mental and emotional break down imagining approaching the wrong customer just one time.

I felt I deserved this, though it enraged me. This was my penance.

My hormones surged. I snuck as many drinks of wine at family dinners as I could. (Sorry baby, but red wine is delicious). I had nightmares about delivering babies with heads shaped like deflated basketballs, or delivering piles of bloody guts. I obsessed over my single friends awesome lives (aka highlight reels) on Facebook.

It made me bitter that I had to die. I became resentful of my baby’s father, even though he tried his best with me. He wanted to marry me and have more kids, be a dad. I knew she’d be okay. Hopefully he’d marry someone who wasn’t anything like me or that evil stepmom bitch in Cinderella.

I’d end up letting him name her. I chose her middle name, Violet.

—

It began one Sunday night, after a large steak dinner (with red wine) at his parents. I kept feeling like I had to poop really bad every twenty minutes. It was so bad that I couldn’t sleep. By 1am I was on the toilet trying to push steak out and when I saw drops of blood, I freaked out. IT’S TIME! I screamed.

He sprung into action. What do we bring? Spoiler alert, I hadn’t even packed a “go” bag because I never planned on coming back.

We listened to Jason Mraz on the short drive to the hospital. God, this is the last song I’m ever going to hear. I focused on the words and tried to clear my mind of pushing all of my guts out.

When we got to the hospital, they did some tests and I wasn’t far enough along. Maybe this is a fake out, and I can go home and go to bed. No, the nurse told me, you’ll progress it just takes a little time.

Another nurse came in and did a quick ultrasound to see the baby’s position. Her tone worried me, looks like this one’s a breach baby. You’ll have to adjust your birthing plan. Just knock me out, I sighed. Oh oops, those are the baby’s shoulders. I thought it was her butt. She was low and engaged, and I was fine. That fucking nurse.

So he walked me around the hospital corridors while I had the worst cramps of my life. I tried not to cry.

This is how it ends, me alone in the hospital, out in the midwest, without any of my friends or family, with this kid, and this other kid inside me.

Around 4am I finally reached a point where I could get pain meds and this other drug that would help my labor progress while I was medicated, but first they had to break my water. I was terrified of any more pain. They showed me what looked like a knitting needle that they’d insert to break the membrane. The nurse assured me, her name was Bridget by the way, that it was painless. I sobbed. Couldn’t they just knock me out. My knees clamped shut and I couldn’t keep from trembling.

But it was painless and suddenly I was sitting in a puddle of what just felt like warm pee. That was it, water broken. I felt like an idiot. The drugs came quickly after that and by 5am I had progressed to the point that I could get the one thing that was keeping me going through this whole ordeal: an epidural.

The anesthesiologist came in and sat me perpendicular to the gurney. He told me to sit still because he was putting a needle the length of a ruler down my spine. But the painkillers really got to me and I had to crack jokes about how the only thing separating my naked body from the doctors and nurses in that room was a piece of paper gown. My boyfriend looked white. I was already stoned.

Afterward, I was finally comfortable, and I drifted off to sleep quickly. Bridget came in once an hour on the hour and put her whole hand in my vagina to see how far down the head was. I didn’t like being woken up but I couldn’t really feel anything and Bridget was my best friend at that point.

Around 10:45am things picked up. My baby’s dad was downstairs eating breakfast with his family when Bridget told me I’d need to call him, I was almost at 10 centimeters. He came back with his mom and Bridget told me now when I felt the urge to push to do it.

I didn’t want to poop on the table and I couldn’t get up to like clear things out before I labored a baby so I gave some weak ass pushes. Bridget could tell.

I gave one hard push and she exclaimed, JUST LIKE THAT! But I saw his face and I knew I had pooped. The shame. But again, I was stoned so meh.

Strangely I had turned down the floor length mirror at the foot of the bed because I didn’t want to see myself die, but if the end was coming I really didn’t want to see it.

“Bridget can you take off your glasses? With the lights and everything I can see my vagina and I really just can’t right now.”

She did.

With his mom video recording the monumental eruption and destruction of my vagina, my first child was born at 11:25 am. The doctor, I don’t know when she showed up (?), put the blue, guts covered baby on my chest.

She was out. I had tried not to picture her before because I never wanted to let myself go down that road in my mind.

I looked at her. She looked at me. She was gross. But she was an alive thing with eyes who looked at me. She looked like she’d been freezing (she was blue) in bloody Cream of Wheat. Also she had pooped in utero and that was everywhere, super great.

I had nothing profound to say, so I said, “Oh my god, a baby.”

Then they whisked her away to clean her up and do all the baby tests. Everyone else left too.

My body got overtaken with waves of pregnancy hormones coursing through me while I delivered the placenta and my whole body convulsed as the pregnancy hormones left me. NO, I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THE PLACENTA. Jesus.

The doctor began to clean up the volcanic eruption where my lower lady parts used to live. I knew I had felt a slight burning sensation during the birth, but I didn’t know it was a tear. I simply thought it was the slight onset of death.

It didn’t make sense to me that I was alive.

I had no plan for this. I didn’t even bring a nightgown.

Now what?

—

As of the time of my pregnancy, I can’t recall seeing any birth or pregnancy narratives that highlighted feelings like fear, depression, or general reservations without framing them them as fleeting blue aspects of an otherwise golden soft lit scenario. That’s not real life. I’m sharing my story, because even though I was certainly depressed, I don’t know that my feelings of doubt at the sudden onset of potential motherhood are all that uncommon.

When I share my true feelings and experience with friends, I often hear that other women are relieved by my candor. Dutiful, knowing mother is a trope to which I do not subscribe, and frankly, doesn’t reflect my experience at all. So I’m offering my story as just one against the many almost romantic Disney-esque birth and pregnancy stories. My daughter and I did not live happily ever after, and our relationship, just like any other, is one that has required hard work and patience (a lot of patience) but we’re both better for it.

This story originally appeared on Medium, April 3, 2016.

1 thru 70, go binch

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Yeah I love my mom a lot, I talk to her almost every day. I’d like to believe I have a good relationship with my dad, but he passes a few years ago. So it’s more of an emotional relationship than anything real and back and forth. There have definitely been rough patches though!

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

Yikes, I haven’t really said ‘I love you’ nearly as much as I used to nor as much as I think it. But probably my mom, sorry that’s a cop out answer lmao

03: Do you regret anything?

The fuck who doesn’t regret things. Yeah I regret hurting people all the time, I still have regrets for things I’ve done to people.

04: Are you insecure?

Nope. Yes. Ummm….. Fuck. Physically? No, not at all. But I definitely think everyone hates me all the time lmao. If you don’t hate me, actually if you like me, hmu and tell me it would always make my day even if we’re close friends and I should know it.

05: What is your relationship status?

In a relationship with a dork, she far away tho

06: How do you want to die?

Honestly? I don’t. I can’t think of a single way I’d die and be satisfied about it. Growing old and passing in my sleep sounds like a torment of age. Old age is kinda a nightmare to me. But it’s not like I want to die in my 50′s either, that’s sad af.

07: What did you last eat?

If we talkin like real food, chicken nuggets last night. Not real food? Candy. Don’t judge me. I know I should eat. Telling me won’t help I’m dying.

08: Played any sports?

I was a competitive gymnast at a super young age, but besides that I wouldn’t say I’ve played any real sports. Marching Band? Some would argue for that, but ehhhhhhhh.

09: Do you bite your nails?

Nope, not really. And I don’t really get nail biting. I think my nails are too thick cause it just makes me super uncomfortable

10: When was your last physical fight?

I punched a friend about a year ago I believe. Wouldn’t really say I’ve ever gotten into a real physical fight. They always dissolve.

11: Do you like someone?

Sometimes

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

I really don’t think so, I think I’d die.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

I don’t think I’ve ever truly hated anyone. Some people I find annoying, or hurtful. But I still have positive opinions of them. People are important.

14: Do you miss someone?

Yeah I miss tons of people all the frickin time!! Lizz is too far away from me, my mom is all the way up by Santa Barbara and so is Nikki. Hell Amber is in freakin Germany for christ’s sake. All of that and I haven’t seen Zany in months????

15: Have any pets?

I have two cats! They’re sisters and I love them.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

I have a bit of a headache, I’m stressed out of my mind, I haven’t really taken care of myself today, but otherwise I’m enjoying the day. Much like every single day.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Yeah of course lmao make out everywhere

18: Are you scared of spiders?

They creep me out yeah, not as bad as some people though

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Reaaaaallllyyy depends. If it’s just like a re-experience of a vivid memory, hell yeah. If I had to make choices all over again? I doubt I could do much better. If I had to live through certain points in my life all over again I’d probably die. And finally if it were like FAAAAR back to see some cool shit and then go back to the future, hell fuckin yes I would.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

In my home I believe. Although I hate the word snogged.

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

:)

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

Yikeees. Probably??? I’m too young for this I don’t know if I want to adopt or have my own kids or dammit. Probably both?? I don’t want more than 4 or less than 2 I imagine.

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

Nope, zilch

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

I’m usually really solid in math, but I’ve come to find that those skills don’t carry super well past Algebra 2, my favorite of maths. Besides that, I’m killing it in programming right now and somehow I have an A in French.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yes??? Again, my dad of course but also Amanda and her family left a pretty sizable hole in my life but I’m doing okay. It’s not like I’d ever consider getting back with her, I think we weren’t healthy for each other but gosh do I just miss their personalities and all. 

26: What are you craving right now?

Affection. That’s it. Sleep maybe?

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

I wish I could answer no, but lmao that’s unrealistic. Yeah I’ve hurt people.

28: Have you ever been cheated on

I’d say so, but I guess it’s arguable. Not really is the real answer.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Again, of course. Don’t have much details for this one.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

Nagging head and neck pains as always. Copious stress makes me wanna cry. But generally I just wanna find a place to move in next month because we got denied for the last one for some pretty bullshit reasons.

31: Does somebody love you?

Lmao I hope so

32: What is your favourite color?

Purple! Always

33: Do you have trust issues?

…No? I don’t think

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

I never remember the majority of my dreams. If I answered this this morning I probably could give you a better response.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My landlord and her husband I think, fuck them tho.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

Absolutely not, I’m usually the one who needs a second chance. I give people the chances they deserve, which in my opinion is as many as they’re willing to genuinely try.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgive. People don’t forget when others hurt them, that’s not a thing.

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

lol, no

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

14 I think? That sounds about right.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Hm…… Probably, but I can’t quite remember

51: Favourite food?

Beef with onions and bell pepper, with some rolls. Always kills me. Maybe throw in an artichoke. No need to make it complicated.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

I think people who believe in this concept either have a ton of faith or they’ve never experienced real tragedy. But no. I think people do shitty things sometimes and you can’t excuse them because of some master plan.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

I was playing some PUBG with the boys, then I watched a bit of Gotham.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

What? No. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen but no it isn’t okay

55: Are you mean?

Yeeeaaaaah I probably get that a lot, talk to me though I really do try.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

Again, I’ve punched maybe 3 people? But I wouldn’t really call it a fist fight.

57: Do you believe in true love?

Believe? Eh. Hope? Yeah I hope there’s true love.

58: Favourite weather?

Generally I like Summer weather, but recently I’ve been really vibin with this Fall shit. It lit.

59: Do you like the snow?

Don’t know, never seen it fall

60: Do you wanna get married?

Eventually?

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

Yes! Of course!

62: What makes you happy?

Lizz makes me happy most the time! Friends make me happy a lot. Receiving snapchats from people when it isn’t their streak? Giddy af.

63: Would you change your name?

Nope, love my name.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

At this point in time? Ya she’s far away. But if she were here I think I could push past the nerves and do it.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

kiss. them. on. the. mouth. (just kidding, right now I’m not single. So nothing but try and talk em out of it obviously. But in the world where I am single, see “kiss them on the mouth”)

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

Yeah of course, I’m not fake around my friends. At least I don’t think I am. So all of em honestly but mostly Nikki and Amber I’m pretty straight forward with.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

Talking to Lizz right now, in person? Bethani

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Ummm…. I just talked to Amber bout some things that bothered us if that counts. But I don’t really know. The people I talk to when most of my problems come up are Lizz, Nikki, Amber, and Hunter I’d say. Sometimes I think they get sick of it (especially Amber lmao)

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

See answer 57?

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

I’d like to believe I would, but again, no death for me pls, so I’d have to really think on it. I think most people believe they’d dive in front of a car for someone they cared about but I really don’t know how I’d respond in that case

Hell yeah thanks for the questions you’re the best!!!! Haven’t answered questions on Tumblr in forever

About

『 Seung-ri Moon / Male MC 』

Name: Seung-ri Moon

文 (Moon) [Family/last name, meaning: writing] 승리 (Seung-ri) [Given name, meaning: victory]

Age: 21

Birthday: April 7th

Gender/Sex: Male

Occupation: RFA Party Coordinator

Height: 5′8″

Hair: Short, wavy/messy, brown, often in his eyes.

Eyes: Brown.

Physique: A bit thin and lanky.

Scars: Read after note at the very bottom. TW: abuse. 

Personality/Attitude: He’s a very easygoing, laid back, go-with-the-flow kind of person. While he is quite lazy, Seung-ri has a good heart and a kind, caring personality. A bit of a forced optimist, he’s like a ray of sunshine on the exterior. He’s very friendly and open. 

However, Seung-ri has other sides to him, depending on the situation, and while he may seem laid back, he is very stubborn. Seung-ri never gives up on what he wants. He is very determined. 

Skills/Talents: Seung-ri is something of a lazy bum, devoid of most talent, but he has a few key talents. One of these is, of course, his skills at coordinating the RFA parties, which reveals the fact that he is very good with people. He’s also a very happy person, generally, and can bring a smile to almost anyone’s face, so another talent of his is making people happy. He can also cook, and sleep excessive amounts. If sleeping were a competitive sport, Seung-ri would be a champion. 

Flaws/weaknesses: He has no real goals or direction in life. He doesn’t know when to give up or let go, even when it hurts him. He’s extremely pessimistic about his past and very insecure about himself. He has confidence, but lacks self esteem, usually trying to brush it off when it becomes noticeable. As stated before, he sleeps excessive amounts and lives a very slothful life, though he seems content that way.

Favourites/Likes:

Food- Seung-ri loves food in general. He eats excessive amounts. However, he has a particular liking for rice.

Animal- Pandas! They sleep and eat all day, just like him! Plus they’re cute!

Music Genre- Anything upbeat and happy, his playlists are a very good pick-me-up

Movie Genre- Romcoms

Color- Beige. 

Most Hated/Dislikes: His mother. His body. 

Fears: Being alone. 

Religion/Beliefs: None, but he does believe in a God. 

Sexual Preference: Bisexual

Background/history:

Seung-ri was the only child his mother had at a young age, out of wedlock. He never knew his father. Seung-ri was seen as a burden by his mother, who was very mentally unstable, and was physically abused until the age of 16, when his aunt took him in. She was much kinder than his mother, but distant. He was able to graduate from high school. He moved out and got a job that barely supported his living needs before being lead to Rika’s apartment and joining the RFA, after which he promptly quit his job. 

Relationships with the RFA:

Saeyoung Choi: [Note: Saeyoung is my main ship with Seung-ri. However, I am very selective with Saeyoung roleplayers.]

Seung-ri gets along very well with Saeyoung, despite the fact that Saeyoung initially convinced the entire RFA that he was a woman. He jokes and flirts a lot with him before they get closer.

Jaehee Kang: He is friendly with Jaehee and supportive of her.

Jumin Han: He is also very friendly toward Jumin and happy to tease Zen with him on the rare occasions when Jumin does so. He respects him a lot, though he’s a little intimidated by him. 

Yoosung Kim: He’s good friends with Yoosung, but teases him often, and often refers to him affectionately as “cute puppy Yoosung”.

Zen / Ryu Hyun: He enjoys teasing Zen. Unsure of his relationship with Zen after Zen was devastated upon finding out that Seung-ri is not, in fact, a girl.

V / Jihyun Kim (past): He was friendly with V and often told Yoosung he was being too hard on him.

V / Jihyun Kim (post): ??? Distrustful. 

Rika: He hates her for everything she’s done.

Saeran (past): He wasn’t ever very afraid of this “Unknown” person, as Seung-ri is fearless to a fault.

Saeran (post): He dotes on him constantly and almost acts like his mother. He’s very affectionate toward him and refers to him as his “brother-in-law”. 

Who I ship him with: Saeyoung Choi, mainly, but I also ship him with Jumin, Jaehee, Yoosung, Saeran, and Zen. However, unless specified that you would like to ship, his partner is Saeyoung.

Family:

Mother (status: alive) ...

Father (status: ???)

Sister (status: alive, 5 years old) Doesn’t know she exists in most roleplays.

Aunt (status: alive) Out of contact.

Scars (cont.): [TW, abuse] 

He has very prominent burn scars on his thighs from his mother sitting him on a stove as a child. He will not allow his thighs to be seen unless he trusts someone completely. 

A few memes I’ve done about him with extended info (WARNING: NSFW AHEAD) Also, the grammar on these is much less official my apologies! The information still rings true.:

HEADCANON MEME

What they smell like: Vanilla with something more masculine like sandalwood.

How they sleep (sleeping position, schedule, etc): Always. He's always sleeping. But he sleeps on his stomach with his limbs spread out everywhere. Like he has the weirdest sleeping positions ever when he's alone.

What music they enjoy: He likes just about any song as long as it's happy and uplifting. So all his playlists are really pleasant. A good pick-me-up.

How much time they spend getting ready every morning: About half an hour give or take.

Their favorite thing to collect: He doesn't really collect anything, but if he did, it might be a bunch of panda related stuff.

Left or right-handed: Right handed.

Religion (if any): He doesn't consider himself religious, but he does believe in a God.

Favorite sport: Competitive sleeping??? Jk he probably likes bowling!

Favorite touristy thing to do when traveling (museums, local food, sightseeing, etc): Local food would be his main interest. Then getting a nice hotel with comfy beds.

Favorite kind of weather: Rainy weather, so he has an excuse to stay inside all day.

The carnival/arcade game they always win without fail: IT'S ALREADY CANON THAT HE'S A SKEE BALL MASTER

What does their bedroom look like?: His bedroom is oddly clean. He has really thick curtains that are good for blocking light, and his bed if covered in pillows and fuzzy blankets and a comforter. Plus a few plushies. He has a row of candles so that he can burn one whenever he likes. He enjoys his room smelling nice. It's a very cozy and relaxing place in general.

Do they have any daily rituals?: Mostly just his infamous three hour long naps.

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?: Never. Like. Ever. This boy is a string bean. No muscle.

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?: He'd order takeout?

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.): He's actually a pretty clean person???

Eating habits and sample daily menu: He makes sure to have three proper meals a day, but snacks a lot in between. Also he eats a lot.

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time: SLEEP!!! And wasting time is totally fine by him. Take life slowly!

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging: ...Sleep??

Makeup?: He doesn't wear it, no. But he definitely wouldn't mind wearing it.

Favorite book genre?: Historical fiction or biographies sometimes, scifi other times.

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?: He's bisexual but leans more toward men. His thoughts on sexuality are really open. He's a very laid back guy.

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.): Burn scars on his thighs.

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress: Two words: Oversized sweaters. But he also likes lots of layers. His favorite colors to wear are earthy and neutral colors.

Favorite beverage?: Coffee.

What do they think about before falling asleep at night?: Probably something stupid. Like if plants have feelings.

Turn-ons? Turn-offs?: Turn ons- good sense of humor, dependable, likes napping with him

Turn offs: ??????

Unless you mean sexual. Then he really likes biting and eye contact. And pet play. And bondage in general- Overstimulation and orgasm denial are wonderful.

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?: PANDA DOODLES

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?: He doesn't care about intellectual pursuits, but he's fairly good at everything. A jack of all trades, master of none.

How do they see themselves 5 years from today?: He prefers to live in the present, but he probably has plans with his romantic partner of course.

What is their biggest regret?: Never telling anyone about what his mother did to him as a child.

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?): He can be very TMI lol, he believes in being open.

What makes them feel guilty?: Not having hobbies or any real goals.

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?: Both, leaning a little more toward emotion.

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?: TYPE B DEFINITELY

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?: Sleep. Coffee. Cuddles. Kisses.

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?: Inferiority complex maybe.

How misanthropic are they?: Not very.

Hobbies?: Does sleep count? He also likes cooking and reading.

How far did they get in formal education?: High school graduate.

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?: Both.

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?: See turn-ons above. I ideally ship him with Saeyoung. Jumin is a close second. Yoosung is cute. V and Saeran are great. Zen is ok. edit: I FORGOT JAEHEE HE'D LOVE HER

How do they express love?: SO MUCH PHYSICAL AFFECTION. He wants to cuddle and kiss and nap with you. But he'll also cook for you. He's dedicated and stubborn.

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?: Flailing around and trying to run????

NSFW AHEAD!!!!!

Headcanon Game - A to Z (NSFW) A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex):

After sex, Seung-ri is really cuddly, but he pretty much falls asleep instantly after he decides you're finished.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s):

His favorite body part of his??? That's a hard one. Probably his butt. Saeyoung is his main partner, and unsurprisingly, Saeyoung's ass is also his favorite.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person):

He actually doesn't like the taste of cum. He doesn't like it when people cum in his mouth so he avoids it.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He saved pics of Saeyoung in drag from the chatroom and regularly masturbates to them. Nasty boy.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

For this, it usually depends on the rp. But Seung-ri has had sex before. He definitely knows what he's doing.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Receiving partner on top/riding. Whether he's giving or receiving, he likes the receiving partner on top. He can be in the mood for other positions though.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

It depends on who he's with. He's usually serious though. With Saeyoung, he makes occasional jokes.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He likes to keep it totally bare. Often shaves his arms and legs, too. Fuckin gay.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He's very romantic. He greatly prefers romantic sex. Lots of kisses, lots of gentle loving touches.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He likes to masturbate with toys when he's less lazy. In that case, his favorite is a vibrator but. Usually he's too lazy to use his toys. Like. 90% of his faps happen just because he's bored.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Pet play. Eye contact. Bondage. Cross dressing. Overstimulation. Orgasm denial.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

In bed. He loves beds.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Uh. His partners turn him on, really.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Hurting his partners, having his partners hurt him. Choking, spanking.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He prefers receiving oral but is always willing to give. He's a little clumsy but loves gagging so he'll get very into it. His enthusiasm makes up for his clumsiness.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends entirely on the mood. He prefers slow and sensual.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Doesn't like them. Only when absolutely necessary.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He's always willing to experiment if nobody gets hurt.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

THIS BOY. THIS BOY JUST KEEPS GOING. He's evil. He won't give you a break. He goes for quite a few rounds before he's satisfied.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Yes, he owns toys. He has a vibrator and an ordinary dildo. The vibrator is remote control.

He'd definitely use toys on his partners. Especially a remote control vibrator in public or something. Nasty nasty. Or putting a vibrator on the highest setting in his partner and kicking back and watching a movie while they suffer. HE'S EVIL. Don't give him reason to "punish" you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A TON. HE LIKES TO TEASE WAY TOO MUCH. IT SHOULDN'T BE LEGAL.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

It depends on his partner and what position he's in and where they're at and how comfortable he is. It can range from quiet moans to fuckin screams

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He has a thing for those buttplugs with the little tails on them. So cute.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

...What????? Do you mean how big he is or? I'd say Seung-ri's a good 6 inches, good thickness. He's not crazy hung but he's p good.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It depends but it can be VERY high or he doesn't wanna have sex for months because he's too lazy. If you offer to do all the work he'll always say yes though.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He'll get comfortable and then INSTANTLY. Boom. Asleep.

MORE MAY OR MAY NOT BE ADDED IN THE FUTURE.