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#and a bunch of Tars are on my shit

mintmatcha · 2 years

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tw: cheating accusation

"Are you fucking her?"

Katsuki stands. With a slow, deliberate movement, he places both hands on the table and leans forward, those vermilion eyes finding yours in an unblinking stare.

"You wanna repeat that?" his lip arches in disgust, "Because I'm pretty sure I misheard you."

Your heart beat buzzes across your skin. Anxiety eats at you, but the anger and pain pushes you forward. "Are you fucking her?"

Bakugo doesn't move, but the vein on his jaw grows more defined as he grinds his teeth together. "Why would you ask me that?"

"You're not saying no."

"Holy shit." He pushes away from the table, pacing over to the sink with his hands tangled in his hair, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

You stay frozen in the doorway, arms folded over yourself. The pressure quells the seasick feeling that’s building in your stomach. "Just say yes or no!"

"Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding?" He grinds out. His hair is still damp from the bath, those distinct spikes plastered against his forehead. It’s barely dark, but he’s already ready for bed, dressed in only an undershirt and his boxer briefs. It’s the Katsuki that only you know- the human behind the hero. “Are you kidding?”

At least, you thought you were the only one who knew him like that.

“That's not a no."

"No! No! I'm not fucking cheating on you!" Bakugo laughs, sharp and pained. "Holy shit, I don’t even know what brought this up."

You practically throw his bag onto the table. It almost slides off the other side from the force, the open zipper gapping and threatening to spill its contents.

"Mai dropped off your gym bag." you say her name like it’s a swear. It sticks to your tongue and mind like tar, staining it.

“That's what this is about? Mai?" Bakugo scoffs with a roll of his eyes, the tension in his shoulders suddenly relaxing. You hate how he says it. Mai, Mai, Mai- like she’s something to him. "She's a personal assistant, of course she drops by the house. You’re being crazy."

You reach inside the side pocket and pull out your discovery; a pink, lace trimmed thong hangs from your finger, a damp patch staining the crotch. It’s hard to hide your pain with disgust as the tears you’ve been holding back start to burn, gathering at the corners of your eyes. His face falls, eyes and mouth wide as he processes exactly what you’re accusing. He starts to talk, then falls abruptly silent, eyes locked on the tiny piece of fabric. The silence aches, filling you with more doubts and worries with every passing second.

Surely he’s coming up with a lie. Surely, he’s thinking of how to hide his indiscretions-

“I’ve never seen those before.” Bakugo says after a long moment. The look on his face could either be annoyance or sadness- you’re not sure.

“Bullshit! They didn’t just walk there!” The tremble in your voice threatens to turn into sobbing. You ball the fabric up and chuck it at him, watching it bounce off his chest. Bakugo flinches at it, grimacing at the touch-- as if he didn’t touch the woman that owns them, as if he hasn’t seen what belongs underneath, “You’re fucking her!”

“Oh my god, I’m not having sex with anyone but you!” he rubs his face over and over, smushing his cheeks, like he’s trying to numb a headache, but the wetness betrays him. Bakugo wipes away the tears furiously, until the skin turns red. “If you’d just fucking calm down and listen-”

“Calm down? Me?”

“Listen!”

“I found out my husband’s fucking an eighteen year old- how am I supposed to be calm?”

"I’m not!”

“Fuck you!”

The despair in him breaks, replaced by a more familiar fury.

“How the fuck can I prove it to you?" Bakugo's hands are bunched tight enough that his fists shake from their own force, stepping closer and closer, closing the gap between you. "Fire all the women on my staff?"

"No!" Your back hits the wall. He's so close and yet you can't stop yelling, the volume cracking your voice, "Of course not!

"Never be alone with another woman? Put a fucking GSP tracker in in my arm? Tattoo your name on my cock?"

Your faces are inches away from each other, noses practically touching as you scream, "I just don't want you to stick your dick in your assistant!"

The thick, hollow crack has you jumping before you can process what happened.

For a moment, you think you've been struck deaf; the room goes silent, drowned out with the rhythmic woosh of blood in your ears. Bakugo's face, the only thing you can truly focus on in that moment, shifts from anger to fear, jaw dropping every so slightly. You follow suit as you realize your husband's fist has just punched through the drywall beside you. Bits of white powder drop from his sleeve and onto your shoulder as he pulls back; he watches his limb as if it's not a part of him, like he had no control over it moments ago.

"I-" he whispers with a delicacy you didn't think possible, "I didn't cheat on you.”

Neither of you move. A thin cut on his knuckle begins to blossom with pinpricks of blood, the broken skin slowly filling with crimson until it begins to drip down to his fingers. At first, when your awareness of the room completely returns, you think he’s panting, breath ripping so roughly out of his lungs that it echoes in your mind, but Bakugo is still. He waits with bated breath, watching you suck in breath after breath so fast that your head swims.

“You’re the goddamn love of my life and I’m not going to risk that for some skank.” The shine of his eyes matches yours. His eyebrows bunch together, knitted with confusion and worry. His lips are permanently turned down on one side, pulled there by a thin scar from cheekbone to jaw, but now they tremble into a straight line. “I don’t know what’s going on but, I- I really didn’t touch her.”

He waits for a moment. “I didn’t.”

His voice is strained, resigned, broken.

“Okay.” you whisper.

“Okay?” he repeats. That bloody hand reaches for you, brushes away a tear you didn’t know had fallen. “You believe me?”

You shrug, pulling away from his touch. The suspicion that these hands have touched another still makes your stomach sour. “ I don’t know.”

“That’s-” he inhales sharply, “Progress, I guess.”

Nothing is resolved as you separate from each other. Nothing changes when you both go on with your routine in silence, barely skirting around each other.

Against your better judgment, you sleep by his side. The feeling of that hand on your waist, scab not quite fully formed, makes the tears start again.

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2knightt · 1 year

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Hey love sorry to bother but I had an idea for a fic and I’m like DYING for someone to write it

So basically reader is Johnny’s gf and he takes her to meet the gang but they don’t really like her cause she’s a soc so they kick her out and tell Johnny that he should be w her ikr smth but THEN they find reader crying at the park when another soc comes hitting on her but she’s all like NO I HAVE A BF and then the gang realises she actually loves Johnny

SORRY I GOT SO CARRIED AWAY

it’s kinda specific so no worries if you don’t wanna do it ❤️

↳hit the road, jack!₊˚✧

➬ johnny cade x soc!reader

a/n; i swear im done with the shit posting lol back on the grind frlz. i didnt proofread this…lolz.

“i’m so nervous johnny, i-i can’t do it! what if they don’t like me?”

you said— half shouting, half asking.

johnny chuckled, obviously nervous.

he, himself, didn’t even know if they’d like you.

you were a soc, and the gang holds so many grudges against soc’s, johnny can’t even count em on his own two hands.

“they’ll love you, i swear.”

he said, grabbing your hands while giving you a reassuring smile.

you took a deep breath in and then a deep breath out as johnny knocked on the curtis door.

a big, tall, scary looking guy answered the door.

he looked you up and down, and you could just tell he didn’t like you.

but nonetheless, he welcomed you in.

he shook your hand, where he told you his name was darry.

lovely name, you thought as you walked in.

6 intimating dudes sat in the living room, staring at you as you walked in.

the tension was so thick you could cut it with the knife.

you thought you’d try to lift the mood by giving an awkward smile and a wave.

but that only seemed to thicken the tension.

“who’s this?”

“my uh—my girlfriend.”

johnny answered the dark haired boy, he appeared to be dallas winston—the grease everyone knew about.

“mh.”

he said back, turning his head to face the other direction.

johnny awkwardly chuckled and leaned into your ear.

he started pointing at each and every boy sitting there, telling you their names.

the smaller one was ponyboy—odd name, but who are you to judge?

sodapop—another weird name…are they all like this? you wondered.

two-bit, apparently it’s just a nickname.

steve and dallas.

you didn’t need to hear their names to know they don’t want you here.

steve got up and asked for johnny in the kitchen.

when your boyfriend left, you swear you could’ve heard a grain of sand drop.

darry, the nicest one out of them all to you so far, tried to ask you questions about yourself.

“so, what’s your name?”

“y/n. it’s uh—lovely to meet you!”

“likewise.”

and from then on, it was silent again.

you heard steve and johnny talking in the kitchen, it was hard to be quiet in a dead silent house.

“a soc, johnny? a goddamn soc?”

“yeah? so what?”

“have you forgotten what they did to you? or ANY of us?”

the gang smiled at the sentence—almost like they were proud of their friend for putting you down.

“no, of course i haven’t! but she wasn’t apart of that—she’s my girlfriend. not those soc’s that kicked the tar out of us!”

“well she might as well be. she looks the part—what if it’s a prank, johnny? ever thought of that?”

you heard steve ask johnny.

you wanted to cry, cry, cry.

your relationship was a joke to them and they hated you.

your tears started to get watery the more you thought about it.

“i uh, i gotta go. ‘m sorry—gotta go finish something. tell johnny i said bye.”

you announced, rushing out of the house.

the second you stepped out, the tears started to stream down your cheeks.

you started to run to the empty lot, you knew nobody goes there. it’d be safe, right?

well, that’s what you thought.

a bunch of greasers were already there and you didn’t want to humiliate yourself more, so you walked faster past the lot.

you sat in at a park bench near your house.

you always went there when you had nowhere else to go.

you couldn’t go home crying, your father would kill johnny. even if it wasn’t his fault.

“y/n? are you okay?”

you heard a voice ask.

you looked up and saw your friend who you haven’t spoken to in a long time.

“micheal? oh shi—i’m sorry.”

“no-no, it’s fine. what’s wrong?”

he asked, sitting beside you and placing a hand on your lower back for comfort.

“my boyfriend’s friends don’t like me, micheal! he said they’re like his family—so it ain’t never gonna work out!”

“well—i’m always here. i always thought you were a cute gal, ya know?”

your eyes went wide.

huh?

“what?”

you heard several footsteps but you pushed that detail aside to put your full attention on the situation at hand.

“i mean, if you were to end things..i AM right here. always liked you, ya know?”

“i still have a boyfriend, micheal. just because we hit a rough patch doesn’t mean we broke up.”

you spoke, your eyebrows furrowed.

what the hell was he on?

“are you INSANE, micheal?! ugh! and here i thought i could get some comfort from a FRIEND!”

you shouted, standing up and walking away.

you heard micheal kiss his teeth as you walked away.

you heard a pair of feet rush after you and you just prayed it wasn’t micheal.

“never thought i’d see you shout at someone like that, y/n!”

you heard johnny say from your left side as he caught up to you.

“johnny?! what’re you doin’? ain’t you supposed to be with your friends?”

“that’s actually why i’m HERE.”

he answered, exaggerating the last part while looking behind the two of you.

that only caused you to look behind yourself, to see your boyfriend’s friends—looking guilty.

everyone stopped walking. the gang exchanged awkward looks as everyone stood there.

“well?”

you heard your boyfriend ask the gang, with a little bit of sass in his voice.

the gang felt terrible.

they thought you were just playing a cruel prank on johnny—they just wanted to protect him.

when johnny heard that you left, he exploded on everyone.

he shouted about how if they treated you nicer, you wouldn’t have left. how if they would push their grudges away, you wouldn’t have thought johnny was a bitch.

they didn’t want to apologize, but they wanted johnny to be happy.

they still thought it was a prank until they seen you push an attractive soc away.

“we’re uh, we’re sorry y/n.”

“yeah, but you gotta understand—”

steve said, trying to defend himself until johnny interrupted him.

“she ain’t gon’ understand NOTHIN’! just tell her you’re sorry and that you’ll give ‘er a chance!”

they all sighed—with even more guilty looks.

they each apologized, one by one.

darry, the one who’s still the nicest to you, asked if you’d like to restart.

and you happily agreed!

when you got to the curtis house, you found out that you shared more in common with the greasers than you thought.

the more you and the gang got to talk, the more they liked you.

the more they began to like you, the wider johnny’s smile got.

may 29th, 2023. 7:39PM

#2knightt #the outsiders #the outsiders x reader #johnny cade x reader #johnny x reader #soc!reader

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smokbeast · 7 months

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Im a lil sads but I'm thinking about some cute ideas for my horror sans.

I might call him fang or Tar? I'm not sure,, something to do with his silly teeth. Or a meaningful name I'm not sure. But some of my headcanons for him are like:

-he acts really tough guy and creepy, but he's really just a softie. Kinda nervous when someone is genuine with him. He's not quite used to affection or friendship. Tends to avoid it out of guilt or fear of it going wrong so he's a bit cold at first impressions.

-tends to be really aloof, always staring off zoning out. He has bad dissociation episodes that become difficult to get out of but papyrus (or soma,,) helps bap him back to reality.

- has bad imsonia and when he sleeps its always nightmares that cause him to spiral his magic out of control at times in his room. Sometimes he has magic outbursts cause of the Crack and loss of his eye. Making it hurt when they happen at night.

- when a hunger drive hits him, he's lost all control of himself if he's starving. Especially when he's craving flesh. It's been difficult to adjust to the surface because of these so he tends to avoid humans completely and just stick to the shadows away. He does try to eat regularly when he can but the habit of being stuck underground starving for so long has him forgetting to eat sometimes

- he loves sweets! Candy, juice, fizzy soda. All sorts of drinkable soft drinks he'll get his claws on. His favorite food is also vegetables (anything with tomato is gonna be devoured lol) and seafood (courtesy of a fellow someone teaching him to fish and maybe out of spite,,).

-he likes to read in his spare time. Science fiction novels or research papers. Needs glasses to read cause that eye don't see too well so you'll catch him like some dad under a light on the couch reading.

- he likes jokes but hasn't really told any in a while. The pun love has kinda shit itself out the window over the rough years but you'll know when you real close to him when he starts cracking a bunch of puns near you. He only ever does that with people he likes and trusts.

- is very patient and a good listener. Loves hearing people he cares about talk about their day or interest. You'll catch him smiling at some point as you ramble away and he's absolutely still listening, just enthralled at how happy it makes the person to talk about things.

-will literally pick you up if your tired without second guessing to take you to the nearest couch or bed.

-very protective of others, being the oldest between his au counterparts. Horror sees sans and fell like younger versions of himself (they are tbh,, he's in his late thirties). He'll always keep an eye on them even when they try to fight other. Mostly fell when he starts it. He reminds him of papyrus when he was an Itty bitty kid so he feels big brother mode the most on fell, sans is like the middle brother he never thought he wanted. The guy makes his day with the jokes and it has horror smiling to know sand got thr good ending and fell too.

-will kill for papyrus no questions asked. That's his brother he'll protect and do his best for..

-Soma Soma Soma. Oh God Soma, what's there to say.

#maybe ill have more i dunno just silly soft things about it #smoki rambles #headcanons #horror sans #undertale

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songsteps · 2 years

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like ngl while to my followers it probably doesn't need to be said that proshippers are disgusting, I feel the need to state that I genuinely beleive a lot of "anti" spaces have done a lot of damage to critical thinking as well, for awhile now I've seen their ideals lead to labeling shit that's harmless and normal as problematic, and even calling out a bunch of made up issues in some media or another and... managing to miss one that's real? and of course the inability to distinguish when something handling more heavy subject matter is doing so with understanding and respect, which can be pretty important as those pieces of media existing frequently are good starting points on how to identify when those things happen in the real world and erasing them actually negatively impacts the attempt to protect people

like both communities are absolute tar pits I just have to go on record saying that

#songstep.txt

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subspaceskater · 1 year

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i dont know what direction i want to go with the shit i draw. i dont know what direction i want my life to go in. it's hard to do anything when there's nothing that i want.

i had a bunch of passions and a bunch of things i wanted to do months ago but now i just feel like im sinking to the bottom of a tar pit and i've closed my eyes and cant see the sky anymore.

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lantern-child-of-souls · 12 days

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Whats your most important memory?

I'm gonna start this by saying important in my case doesn't equal good. It's an extremely fucked up memory but it was important in the sense it was my first big memory, part of why I became friends with bestie of that timeline, and led to good memories. It's also important to note I was a feral little shit, heaven wasn't a good place to be, and that's no hate to angels who's heavens were actually wonderful. That all said you've been warned and here's the memory.

I've vaguely talked about it on here before but losing my eye and going into heaven for the first time. I was guiding this kid up to heaven, he hadn't been in purgatory long and was full of questions about heaven hell and purgatory. I was about to tell him all about hell and purgatory but the most I could tell about heaven was it was pretty and I'd often listen to them singing from a good ways away or catch glimpses of it when they'd open the gates to let souls in. When I dropped him off the hand over happened like normal but I ended up staring to long through the gate. The next thing I remember I was pain and waking up in a little bitty room. I didn't have my lantern or anything really and was tied up all on my own. Eventually someone came in and started rambling about how disrespectful and disgusting it was to stare and a bunch other other rather ridiculous sins. I won't lie I laughed thinking it was some sort of joke. I thought it was ridiculous that this was the heaven that everyone long to be in and yet this was happening. Also again I was a little shit. In a very long and convoluted way they basically told me that because I was staring it fell into the eye for an eye category. I was told I had to pick which eye or else I was going to just be stuck there. I refused at first flat out refused I'm pretty sure I spit in ones face which looking back was a bad move on my part. I'll spare the gory details here but when it comes to torturing heaven is almost as bad as hell. There had been a few talks of just pardoning me. Saying I looked just angelic enough to possibly be purified and cleansed. Ultimately none of that happened and likely was just to scare me but I still had to pick an eye. Eventually I broke and picked my left one. Losing my eye was worse than most anything else they'd done so far which was a lot. I was thrown out the gates still bleeding and the spot where my eye has been leaked black goo/tar for the rest of forever after that. I managed to find my clothes and my lantern which had been folded up and hidden nearby by someone very important to me now. I managed to drag myself back down to hell where I ended up collapsing on the bridge. Now in hell I had a sort of MILD protection on me basically no one was supposed to kill me or severely harm me. It was hell though so ya know. But I ended up being found and boss man down below was pissed at how bad off I was and that I was gone for days since my job was important. I woke up and he wanted to know who did it and when I said heaven he got even more pissy and left. Never knew what he did but I didn't drop souls directly at the gates again. Just left them where they could see it and told them to go that way. It never felt right bringing them there after that which sucked but hell wasn't good for them and I couldn't keep them in purgatory. Sometimes I'd go and listen to the singing still and I got to say thank you to the one angel who helped me. Best angel ever I love him so much and I owe him so much.

#otherkin #purgatory #angelkin #demonkin #fallen angelkin #purgatorykin #heaven #hell #demon #demonic #fallen angel #angels and demons #angelic #angels #angel #demons #divine #divinekin

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markantonys · 2 years

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knife of dreams prologue-chapter 17

GALAD KILLED VALDA AAAAAHHHHHH that scene was so unexpected and so satisfying!!!

this is the first we’ve seen of galad since book 5 if i’m not mistaken. i would’ve liked to see him have more pov throughout so we could get a feel for what it’s like for him among the whitecloaks and see his perspective starting to shift as he realizes that many whitecloaks are not as righteous as they claim to be. i don’t care about sevanna or galina or alviarin or elaida or those random aes sedai hunting black ajah inside the tower or this fuckin ituralde dude or whatever other sideplots have been eating up screentime, i want to see my trakand boys! they are the only secondary characters who deserve pov!

i’m manifesting that this will be the book of trakand boys turning on their Chosen Groups to do what’s right. i know gawyn will find a way out of his pickle and turn on the tower and the younglings and maybe help egwene escape the tower. i know he will! i believe in him! (but since gawyn only shows up in prologues these days and we didn’t get him in this one, what if he’s not in the book at all???? oh perish the thought)

galad describes morgase as “the woman he regarded as his mother” 🥺 “he had thought he would feel satisfaction that his mother had been avenged, but all he felt was emptiness. valda’s death was not enough. nothing except morgase trakand alive again could be enough.” 😭😭😭😭 trakand family reunion when??

galad is now captain commander of all whitecloaks and plans to ally them with aes sedai at tarmon gai’don, though asunawa and the questioners have split off and will no doubt cause problems down the road. i wish galad would just go “the whole system is corrupt!” and destroy the entire whitecloak organization, but that’s asking too much of our Lawful Good boy lmao. makes me curious how this plotline will go down in the show because i’m still feeling the effects of show!whitecloaks being my first version of them, and show!whitecloaks are so vile and evil that it feels unsatisfying and hollow to see galad getting them to help our heroes instead of just burning the whole organization to the ground. much like how it feels seeing rand and perrin prepare to ally with seanchan. i guess it’s all an “enemy of my enemy is my friend” situation and showing how our heroes have to ally even with shitty groups for the sake of stopping the greater evil of the shadow, but still, i don’t like it!

an antagonistic character (suroth) is secretly a darkfriend? groundbreaking.

semirhage has killed the seanchan empress and imperial family and now all of seanchan is embroiled in chaos and civil war. thank you semirhage! if only tuon would conveniently die so then seanchan never gets another empress and can just collapse for good.

bunch of other random shit i don’t care about (and spaced out during the audiobook of) happens in the prologue. too many side characters. my crops are dying.

finally we reach egwene and some life is restored to my crops! she is being an absolute queen about her captivity. unbreakable indeed. she sees the tension between ajahs in the tower and is already thinking of how she can use that to the rebels’ advantage and planning to talk to siuan in TAR. very handy that TAR/dreamwalking can still be done while shielded! “she did not consider herself a prisoner either. she was carrying the battle into the heart of the tower itself. if she had had lips [in TAR], she would have smiled.” that’s my GIRL 😤🥰 maybe i don’t want gawyn to help her escape after all since she doesn’t WANT to escape, she’s got everything under control!

“demandred’s hook-nosed face carried an expression of anger that only made him more striking.” official confirmation that Demandred Is Hot, although maybe this was mentioned already. i’ve seen little of him so far but i feel like he’s my Forsaken Crush. i feel it coming. (we all have a Forsaken Crush, don’t lie.)

“in their own age when moridin had been called ishamael - there was no longer any doubt in [aran’gar’s] mind of who he was” official confirmation that moridin is ishamael! why am i gasping? i already knew that.

so it seems that the suspicion and tension in the white tower and perhaps the split itself is being caused and stoked by the forsaken. kinda don’t like that, ofc the shadow has to be established as a major threat but i wish more of the conflict in this series was genuinely caused by just regular ol human selfishness rather than going “surprise, it was a darkfriend/forsaken behind it the whole time!” so often.

"[aran’gar’s] appetites [for women] had not altered, only broadened [to include men, i think is the implication]” “[semirhage], too, took her pleasures where she found them” and graendal being into it when aran’gar hits on her. the forsaken being the Bad Bisexual Rep we deserve.

no for real there is SO much sexual tension between all the forsaken in this scene (the aforementioned 3, demandred, mesaana) i hope the show maintains and enhances this. just a group of hot evil people who hate and also want to bone every single one of the others.

“‘no!’ moridin snapped, fixing [cyndane] with a steady stare. ‘you would ‘accidentally’ kill him. the time and manner of al’thor’s death will be at my choosing. no one else.’ ... ‘no one else,’ moridin repeated in a hard voice.” “‘that goes for all of you. al’thor is mine. you will not harm him in any way!’” ishamael is not in on the aforementioned sexual tension because he’s too busy having the same one-sided sexual tension with rand he had for all the early books, god bless. (to refresh your memory)

“once, [aram] had seemed too good-looking for a man” usually i think of perrin as the straightest character in the series but then he’ll just come out with shit like this. the Oblivious Bisexual Rep we deserve.

perrin thinks of mat and has a vision of him talking to tuon! confirmed that this happens between the two of them too and not just them and rand. maybe we already saw that in the last book, i can’t remember anything anymore, there’s no room left in wot’s portion of my brain’s memory harddrive.

this is not new information but i have to mention how much i love that perrin’s full name is perrin t’bashere aybara, he and faile both took each other’s names :’)

perrin tells the seanchan that the asha’man know traveling. boy, i sure hope you’re not gonna let them learn traveling from any saidar-users or i swear to god!

“the bearer of this stands under my personal protection. in the name of the empress, may she live forever, give him whatever aid he requires in service to the empire and speak of it to none but me.” love how many different “not to worry, i have a permit [holds up a paper saying “i can do whatever i want”]” official papers there are in this universe jkfgj

faile mentions a fellow (female) gai’shain (arrela) who’s sleeping with a maiden. references to queerness have gotten much more common and explicit in these past couple books, which is nice to see! though always queer women, i don’t think we’ve had anything more than a “maybe that guy doesn’t like women like that” for queer men.

“colors whirled in [mat’s] brain, and for an instant, in his head, he saw rand and min standing beside a large bed, kissing. he stumbled and nearly tripped over his own boots. they had not been wearing any clothes! he would have to be careful thinking about rand...the colors swirled and resolved for a moment, and he stumbled again. there were worse things to spy on than kissing. very careful what he thought. light! the pair of guards...eyed him suspiciously. they probably thought he was drunk...he could have used a stiff drink right then.” JKDJFGKJHJJKDFJG the Disaster Bisexual Rep we deserve. poor mat. poor, poor mat. what a way to find out your lifelong crush has a new girlfriend. also, cinematic parallels to rand being Shook when he walked in on naked mat and melindhra after the darkhounds in tfoh.

now that i’ve moved on from laughing, i’m realizing this is another example of how little interest the characters have in each other these days. last mat knew, rand was romantically entangled with both elayne and avi, yet now he has a vision of him banging min (whom mat had no idea was ever on the table, and honestly i’m surprised he even recognizes her since i think they only met the once in baerlon and his memories of that time are so fuzzy) and doesn’t go “hey, what about elayne and avi?” or anything like that. granted, maybe that’s only because he’s trying not to keep thinking about rand jfkgjh but still. especially now that elayne is his bestie in addition to rand! surely he would have at least a passing care about the state of their relationship, after spending an entire book and a half determined to protect elayne for rand’s sake!

“many among the showfolk were already wondering why mat spent more time with tuon than with egeanin. wondering and disapproving.” you and me both, showfolk.

“with women, you always had to take chances. with a woman like tuon, ten chances a day, and never knowing the odds until it was too late.” or you could just not take any chances. you could just ditch her.

at this point i know i should just accept that this romance is happening and stop beating a dead horse about how ooc and illogical it is, but i literally cannot stop complaining and will make it everyone else’s problem for every recap post for the rest of the series jfgkh

mat waxes poetic about how beautiful tuon is and how much he loves making her smile and laugh and how much he dreams about kissing her. SINCE WHEN??!?!?!?!??!?!!! WHY??!?!?!?!?!!!!??? make it make sense!!!!

“[he dreamed about kissing her] never mind that she called him down as if they were already married.” cementing my theory that, narratively speaking, mat went from genuinely enjoying women’s company to finding them annoying and restrictive because of I Hate My Wife toxic heterosexual marriage culture informing his transition from slut (who enjoys women’s company) to husband (who complains about The Old Ball And Chain)

mat spanking joline 🤮🤮🤮 obviously it wasn’t okay for her to slap him unprovoked, but there is a huge difference in levels of both humiliation and physical pain between being slapped once and being spanked like a child dozens of times in front of people.

and inexplicably, mistress anan and the other aes sedai take mat’s side and say that joline deserved it??? where is mistress anan’s Woman Solidarity Against Mat the one time i actually wanted it?

everyone mat’s with now is making him worse. can you imagine him trying to pull this shit when elayne, nynaeve, or egwene were in the vicinity? they would’ve kicked his ass into next tuesday! although pre-WH mat would never have done this anyway. forget enjoying his plotline, even liking him as a person is becoming difficult at this point in the series. that wall falling on him turned him into a different person. look how they massacred my boy.jpg

“‘do you have any idea how these sul’dam did treat me [teslyn] when they did have me prisoner?’ ‘no, since you’ve never gone into detail beyond moaning over how horrible it was,’ joline replied dryly” it’s so gross how the others treat their stint as damane as a minor inconvenience. mat does this too with his whining about them being So Ungrateful To Him for getting them out of the seanchan’s hands and how he Deserves Their Respect. mat they are incredibly scared and traumatized! they have bigger things to worry about than kissing your ass! is this just the characters who don’t know what being damane is like being dicks, or is the narrative itself trying to retroactively make it seem not as bad in an attempt to excuse tuon and her romance with mat? all i know is that this is a stark contrast from how we saw egwene’s time as a damane treated in tgh. (update: i mention this briefly later in the post but in elayne’s pov we do see the damane system as traumatic and horrific again, so maybe it really is just mat’s pov making light of it bc he’s not a channeler rather than the narrative itself doing so.)

“‘you’ll want to be seeing to your own horses.’ mat wanted no such thing. the most wonderful thing about having coin was not what you could buy, but that you could pay others to do the work.” and what happened to all your disdain for nobles who act like that, mat??? in general i feel that mat’s laziness and hatred of doing work have been exaggerated in recent books. from a later chapter: “just the sight of [the laborers] made mat’s own back ache. they reminded him how much he hated work.” and there was another line in the same vein somewhere in this chapter chunk, but i can’t find it again. the jacket summary for this book says “to get [tuon] to safety, he must do what he hates worse than work” like, to say that in the SUMMARY. a lot of mat’s negative traits have been exaggerated in recent books and he’s starting to feel like a caricature of himself. everyone says that sanderson did that to mat in his books, but rj’s already started doing it if you ask me.

“he had to make her see him as something more than Toy. marriage to a woman with no respect for him would be like wearing a shirt of black-wasp nettles day and night. worse still, he had to make her care for him, or he would find himself forced to hide from his own wife to keep her from making him da’covale!” MAT. THAT IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. JUST DITCH HER AND RIDE AWAY.

i’m thinking about what we were discussing on my last recap about how it would make so much more sense if mat/tuon was an arranged marriage (for example as part of perrin’s deal with the seanchan - mat then would accept the marriage for a logical and in-character reason, wanting to help his friend rescue his wife, rather than just. going along with it inexplicably as he does in canon) and yeah. his whole “since i’ll be stuck with marrying her, i need to find out what she’s like as a person and get her to like and respect me so my marriage won’t be awful” thing would make 100% sense if it was a marriage arranged for political/alliance reasons that he had no choice but to find a way to live with, but the way it is in canon, he completely brought all this on himself by refusing to ditch tuon when given a dozen easy opportunities to do so.

“‘i want you [aludra] to come with me. i know somebody who’ll be happy to pay for making as many of your dragons as you want. he can make every bellfounder from andor to tear stop casting bells and start casting dragons.’ avoiding rand’s name did not stop the colors from whirling inside his head and resolving for an instant into rand - fully clothed, thank the light - talking with loial by lamplight in a wood-paneled room...‘and if he isn’t interested,’ again the colors came, but he resisted, and they melted away” “‘the dragon reborn.’ the colors swirled and despite his fighting them again became rand and loial for a moment. this was not going to be as easy as it had seemed.” mat has SUCH A HARD TIME not thinking about rand compared to perrin, it is genuinely hilarious jfkgh also, i’m still waiting to see where the “mat is a bad friend to rand and always runs away from him” claims come from because even now he’s STILL thinking about going back to rand with new weapons that will help him!

“i will take you with any name you do care to use so long as you be my wife” not bayle domon out here being the king of romance 😭

“he soon told them to stop bringing him rumors about rand. fighting the colors in his head was too much effort, and he lost that fight as often as he won. sometimes it was all right, but sometimes he caught glimpses of rand and min, and it seemed those two were carrying on something awful.” mat is rand/min-phobic too, god bless. like come on, it’s bad enough i have to put up with their relationship in their own povs, now i have to hear about it in mat’s too??? poor mat. poorer me. also, crying over mat having such trouble Not Thinking About Rand that he has to institute a rule where nobody is allowed to talk to him about rand jkjfgh my man that is a CRUSH perrin is rand’s friend and fellow ta’veren too but has NEVER had this much trouble not thinking about him!

“the eelfinn had gathered the memories they had planted in his head, but how could they harvest memory from a corpse?...maybe they created some sort of link to any human who visited them, a link that allowed them to copy all of a man’s memories after that right up to the moment he died...burn him, the bloody foxes were inside his head right then!” okay mat just drew a TON of wild conclusions out of nowhere and i’m bewildered! i’m 99% sure they’re all true from vague things i’ve seen you guys say about the eelfinn, but i have no idea why mat suddenly realized all these things right then (all that happened was that he had a memory of dying and thought “huh, it’s weird i don’t have any memories of other men’s childhoods.”) i thought the memories were his past lives, not just random guys who visited the eelfinn in the past? how does he know this? how does he know the eelfinn harvest memories? how does he know they’re called eelfinn, for that matter? he’s never called them that before!

okay i looked it up and i discovered that the aelfinn and eelfinn were indeed first named in TSR, but it was by birgitte to perrin in TAR. i’m putting on a cone of shame for insisting so adamantly that they’ve never been named before, but in my defense i can’t be held accountable for paying attention to anything that happens in perrin chapters. and mat never heard about that since he hasn’t seen perrin since then, and from what little i could find on google mat first calls the snake people aelfinn in WH and there’s no explanation of when or how he learned that name. i’m positive he called them snaky/foxy people for several books after TSR. positive! surely i’m not just misremembering! maybe birgitte told him offscreen at some point in acos? anyway, i had to read this whole paragraph several times because mat just pulled so much random knowledge out of his ass and i’m still confused where he got it from lmao from what i can recall, he’s never once mentioned anything about memory-harvesting in his previous angsting about the eelfinn and has always thought about the memories as being from his own past lives.

“he was not sure he really wanted to dance away [from tuon] anymore” WHY NOT “but want and wish as he might, he was well and truly caught” YOU LITERALLY AREN’T, YOU COULD DITCH HER AT ANY TIME

“[tuon] saw [the aes sedai as] two escaped damane and a marath’damane, and she had no use for either until they were decently collared. her phrase, that.” mat does not seem bothered by this.

“sometimes [noal] interjected comments on mat’s play, that he was exposing himself on the left, that he was setting a fine trap on the right, and just when tuon looked ready to fall into it.” i love noal, he’s just a weird grandpa who came out of nowhere and just hangs around all the time being weird and awkward. i think i read that he’s jain farstrider, and even if i hadn’t it’s been kinda obvious with the way he talks about jain farstrider in this chunk of chapters and all the info he knows about far-off lands, but i’m interested to see how he ended up where he is now.

the three aes sedai come to tell tuon to return to seanchan and carry out a treaty for peace, and tuon collars all three of them. to his credit, mat attempts to talk her down and takes the collars off himself when she doesn’t listen and later buries the collars so no one can use them again, but he doesn’t react NEARLY as strongly as i would’ve wanted him to, or as the past mat even of winter’s heart would have.

mat watching tuon literally enslaving people: “she looked a bloody leopard staring at three tethered goats. and strangely, more beautiful than ever.” 🤮🤮

“[teslyn] looked as though she could not believe he would actually remove the [collar]” and does that give you a wakeup call about your recent behavior mat? no? okay.

“i want them to stop annoying me, toy.” “i think they’ll agree to that after this. you will agree, won’t you?” when joline says nothing: “‘i could let precious keep you for a few days until you change your mind.’ joline’s collar clicked open in his hands. ‘but i won’t.’” 🤮🤮🤮

like fr tuon tries to enslave the aes sedai for annoying her with attempts to broker peace between randland and the seanchan, and mat acts like both sides were equally in the wrong? he doesn’t even seem to care about the seanchan invading his home. tuon’s comfort is more important to him than the chance of stopping the seanchan, i guess.

mat spends the next day juggling for tuon and telling her jokes, like a fuckin court jester. i am almost at min levels of “please find some self-respect” although i don’t think it would ever be possible for any other character to fall THAT far. on the other hand, at least rand is worthy of being simped for!

some weird thing happens with a dead people sighting and then a peddler gets sucked into the pavement. no clue what just happened so i’m just gonna move on.

random sidetrack: how fun would it have been if mat and elayne had been with the circus at the same time and he got to watch her tightrope act? with her sexy outfit? i wish!!!

“[if aes sedai found out tuon was a seanchan lady] in all likelihood, tuon would be on her way to tar valon before he could blink. as a ‘guest,’ of course, to help stop the fighting. no doubt many would say that would be for the good, that he should hand her over himself and tell them who she really was” me, i’m many “but he had given his word.” UGH mat keeping his promise to rand to protect elayne = sexy! mat keeping his promise to protect tuon = not sexy!

“‘i shall probably make [tar valon] my capital. i shall have you show me the city, toy. you have been there?’ light! she was a tough little woman. gorgeous, but definitely tough as nails.” haha nothing like your girlfriend talking about her plans to conquer your entire continent, am i right lads? what a quirky and sexy flaw!

“‘there’s no need for that, with me or anyone else,’ [egeanin] drawled, bending to take amathera by the shoulders and draw her to her feet. amathera rose slowly, hesitantly, and kept her eyes down until egeanin put a hand beneath her chin and raised her head gently. ‘you look me in the eyes. you look everyone in the eyes.’” so good to see egeanin making a genuine effort to change her ways and treat everyone as an equal! if only tuon could get the same character development. or ANY character development.

“[juilin] disliked any seanchan, for what they had done to amathera.” “there was a hint of a challenge in his gaze. it was clear that to him, egeanin had further to go to prove she no longer saw amathera as stolen property.” JUILIN IS THE ONLY ONE IN THIS GODDAMN PLOTLINE WITH SOME GODDAMN SENSE AND A CONSCIENCE!!! THANK YOU JUILIN finally a solid reason other than “i think his name is pretty” to explain his presence among my list of favorite side characters.

“‘and when [atha’an miere women] are out of sight of land-’ [noal] cut off abruptly and cleared his throat, eyeing olver, who was stacking the snakes a foxes on the board’s corners. ‘what do they do then?’ olver asked. ‘why...’ noal rubbed his nose with a gnarled finger. ‘why, they scramble about the rigging so nimbly you’d think they had hands where their feet should be. that’s what they do.’ olver oohed, and noal gave a soft sigh of relief.” finally someone is being age-appropriate with olver! thank you noal! good grandpa! or actually great-grandpa, since thom is grandpa and mat is dad.

thom finally reveals the letter from moiraine, which is written in the most dramatic and cryptic fashion imaginable, bless her.

“‘my dearest thom.’ who would have thought moiraine, of all people, would address old thom merrilin so?” not any reader, that’s for sure, mat jdkjfgh i’m glad he’s as baffled by this ship as we all are.

“mat may refuse. he does not hold me in the affection you seem to” momraine 💔💔 “if you see lan again, tell him that all of this is for the best. his destiny follows a different path from mine. i wish him all happiness with nynaeve.” 💔 but also ❤️

olver just so happens to remember that birgitte just so happened to tell him that the eelfinn live in the tower of ghenjei, and when noal describes what legends say it looks like, mat just so happens to remember that he just so happened to pass it on domon’s boat in eotw. birgitte also just so happened to tell olver how to get into the tower since there’s no opening. all very convenient.

“he had never really trusted moiraine, or liked her either. only fools trusted aes sedai. but then, if not for her, he would be back in the two rivers mucking out the barn and tending his da’s cows. or he would be dead. and there old thom sat, saying nothing, just staring at him. that was the rub. he liked thom. oh, blood and bloody ashes. ‘burn me for a fool,’ he muttered. ‘i’ll go.’” ❤️❤️❤️ mat truly becomes 10x better the moment he’s away from tuon or the 3 aes sedai.

tuon wants mat to take her to a tavern, which is a long-held matlayne dream of mine! how dare she! tho i will say that tuon going “so when is there going to be a fight??” the whole time they’re there is hilarious jfkgjh

when mat is afraid the seanchan farmers in the town might recognize tuon: “toy, i have met many farmers while visiting the country, but they very properly kept their eyes on the ground even if i allowed them to stand.” mat went into conniptions over Arrogant Nobles whenever elayne so much as lifted her chin too far for his liking, yet tuon says shit like this and he is SILENT, even in his thoughts. i hate it here!!

from a little later: “‘nobles...’ he trailed off, clearing his throat. he could hardly tell her nobles were fools with their noses so high in the air they could not see where they were stepping. she was who and what she was, after all.” and yet you never had a problem saying such things to elayne even though she’s the most down-to-earth noble in the entire series and is your ally and your friends’ friend rather than an invader of your homeland.

when thom talks about how unfortunate it is that people don’t mind the seanchan bc that means it’ll be harder to get them out: “mat glanced at tuon. how did she feel hearing thom talk about her people so?” WHY DO YOU GIVE A SHIT HOW SHE FEELS!!! HER PEOPLE INVADED YOUR HOMELAND!!! GOD!!!!

“[the seanchan] mean to kill [tuon] when they find her [bc they think she’s an impostor]” cool, let them.

“he was going to do whatever was necessary to make sure she was not in danger of being broken. whatever it took.” WHY??!?!?!?!!

mat almost dies because he Can’t Kill A Woman, deep sigh. tuon kills her for him, thank you tuon for having at least a modicum of sense unlike some people.

“even rand was not ta’veren enough to make this happen. the colors whirled, and [perrin] splintered them unformed.” mat: you can stop thinking about rand? perrin: what, like it’s hard?

“‘if this is what happens to you when you get with child,’ aviendha said, adjusting the dark shawl looped over her arms, ‘i think i will never have any.’” oh boy do i have news for you

“the high-canted saddle of her dun pushed her bulky aiel skirts high enough to bare her stockinged legs to the knee” i should’ve been keeping track of the number of times elayne has remarked upon aviendha’s legs being bared while riding. it’s been a Lot of times.

“elayne had insufficient soldiers to hold six leagues of wall” “her greatest fear at present was that [arymilla] would succeed in bribing [mercenary] companies still inside the walls” “‘you [birgitte] don’t have to lead every counterttack yourself.’ ‘and who else is there? my officers are inexperienced boys or else men who came out of retirement...except for the mercenary captains, anyway, and there isn’t one i’d trust without someone looking over his shoulder. which brings us back to: who else but me?’” “she could not afford birgitte falling over from exhaustion. light, she wished gareth bryne were there. egwene needed him, but so did she.” and *i* wish mat and the band were here!!! goddammit!

“this siege hardly gave her time to mourn her mother. or lini, her old nursemaid. rahvin had murdered her mother, and likely lini had died trying to protect her. white-haired and thin with age, lini would not have backed down even for one of the forsaken.” TRAKAND FAMILY REUNION (including lini ofc) WHEN???

“and how would you have stopped me?” “by tying you up and having [aviendha] sit on you” birgitte says as IF elayne would’ve considered it a bad thing to be tied up and sat on by aviendha

“she wished she knew how mat was.” MATLAYNE RIGHTS ❤️❤️❤️❤️ “and dear thom. and poor little olver. every night she offered prayers that they had escaped the seanchan safely.” man i WISH 😭😭

we see elayne having pregnancy-induced channeling troubles, interesting. this will definitely cause problems later.

“smiling, aviendha turned her face up to let the rain run down her cheeks. ‘i love to watch water falling from the sky.’” 🥺🥺

some dude guybon, who is “little short of beautiful,” shows up with 10,000 soldiers and elayne promotes him to birgitte’s second in command on the spot although she’s never met him before. please let the suddenly-and-conveniently-appearing hot guy be genuinely there to help and not a darkfriend, please. also, i can think of another hot young general with lots of soldiers who would be of great help to elayne right now and who would have no chance of being a darkfriend 😤

maybe Woman Solidarity really is a thing, bc while male readers are always complaining about elayne Being Too Reckless and Endangering Herself Needlessly while pregnant, i’m empathizing hard with her frustration over everyone treating her like glass for being pregnant and her stubborn determination to prove that she can still do things and am of the opinion that she has done nothing wrong ever in her life.

i feel like elayne’s mood swings are just normal human emotions for someone under a great deal of stress and poor elayne is just gaslighting herself (and to some extent being gaslit by others) into thinking it’s all pregnancy mood swings.

100x more empathy for damane and disgust for slavers in 1 page of elayne crossing paths with a random freed damane than in several chapters of mat hanging out with his own allies who were once damane.

“men or women, aiel wept unashamed when they felt the need” aiel culture says fuck toxic masculinity 😌

“‘it’s custom in seanchan to strike a girl’s name from her family’s rolls when she’s collared, and the poor woman feels she has no right to the name she was born with. jillari was given with the collar, but she wants to keep that.’ ‘there are more reasons to hate the seanchan than i can count,’ elayne said heatedly.” where is this energy in mat’s chapters where it is most needed????

“elayne reached out without looking, and found aviendha’s hand waiting to take hers, a comforting grip. she squeezed back, unable to imagine the grief of losing aviendha. they shared a quick glance, and aviendha’s eyes mirrored her own feelings. had she really once thought aiel faces impassive and unreadable?” ROMANCE!!!! MARRIAGE!!!!

i hate that warder bonds between 2 women are inexplicably and illogically Different than warder bonds between a man and a woman, and i especially hate that the difference is that the emotion mirroring is stronger and the 2 women are always setting each other off, because Women Be Overemotional And Irrational, of course.

one of the sea folk accidentally blurts out criticism of another sea folk in front of elayne and is then flustered about it. elayne is ta’veren, i tell you!

“elayne threw back her head and screamed as loudly as she could, a howl of pure outrage and fury. she screamed until her lungs were empty, leaving her panting.” JSKDJFGHKJHKJ GOOD FOR HER i laughed SO hard at that. elayne’s primal screams of rage are something that can be so personal. (it happened once before in tfoh at the circus and i loved it just as much then, this poor woman really deserves to Scream on occasion. for that “this piece of media is allowed 1 usage of ‘fuck,’ where would you put it?” meme, i would definitely give the 1 allotted fuck to elayne.)

“‘do you think i should wear wetlander clothes, elayne, since we are going to meet these mercenaries?’ [aviendha] asked in tones of great reluctance...elayne hid a smile of her own, no easy task since she wanted to laugh. her sister pretended to disdain silks, but she seldom missed an opportunity to wear them. ‘if you can bear it, aviendha,’ she said gravely.” THIS IS SO PURE aviendha getting into fancy clothes sparks joy, min getting into fancy clothes does not spark joy. (because avi’s is about her assimilating into wetlander culture and finding things to like about it, and also being given the opportunity to explore her own sense of style for the first time after spending much of her life in the “uniform” of a maiden or wise one, whereas min was happily settled in her own style and changed it purely to mold herself into her idea of what rand would think is hot.)

avi is careless about being naked in front of the maids but elayne adjusts her own towel carefully because “essande saw her in her skin every day, and sephanie too, but it was nothing to let happen without reason” she does not say a peep about any concerns over AVI seeing her naked without reason though 👀👀👀

elayne on pregnancy soreness: “oh, how she wished rand were near enough to share the full effect of her bond with him.” GIRL SAME

in describing the sitting room, elayne mentions the table “where she and aviendha took most of their meals” and all the books in the room, saying that “they often read here of an evening.” the domesticity of it all 😭😭 they’re married!!

avi turns out to have a skill, possibly a Talent, for knowing the function of ter’angreal just by touching them. handy! tho i wonder why this hasn’t come up before bc i think she’s been helping elayne with the ebou dar ter’angreal for a while. also, what happened to avi’s other Talents of unweaving and of seeing weave residues? we haven’t heard about those after their brief time of relevance in POD. i guess that while egwene, elayne, and nynaeve are relatively solid in their Talents, avi’s just a catch-all for whatever random Talents are necessary for the plot at the current moment lmao

“‘oh, light!’ [aviendha] exclaimed, flinging her arms around elayne. ‘i never thought! i have great toh to you! i never meant to endanger you or your babes! never!’ ... ‘you have no toh to me. it was you i was thinking of. you could have died, or burned yourself out.’ aviendha pulled back enough to look into elayne’s eyes. what she saw there reassured her, for a small smile curved her lips.” MARRIED

THE WISE ONES ARE TAKING AVI AWAY FROM ELAYNE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO this was my LAST ship standing i can’t lose it!!!!! i’m devastated!!!!!!!! how will i survive with NO ships to sustain me??? i know that cauthor and randlayne reunions won’t happen until book 14, so dear GOD the matlayne reunion better be soon!!!!

“aviendha leaped away from the embrace, flushing furiously” “elayne took her sister’s hand in a firm grip, and aviendha squeezed back” “elayne wanted to run after aviendha too, to grasp every moment with her” MARRIED

rand can send letters via asha’man to bael but not to elayne or avi?? good god! MIN got letters from him when he was away in illian, and she already knew where he was and what he was up to (and she whined that it was only 2 short letters and that rand was too busy for her).

avi: “i will try to visit you [elayne] as often as i can.” nadere: “strange to speak casually of visiting from so far. to cover leagues, hundreds of leagues, in a step.” are people finally going to take advantage of Traveling to hang out with each other while in two different locations and plotlines?? too much to ask for rand to do this with elayne, of course. (elayne can’t since she doesn’t know where exactly he is, but he knows she’ll be in caemlyn for the foreseeable future - and he’s just been chilling in that manor in tear for at least a few days and has had plenty of time to pop back to caemlyn for a visit but just hasn’t! dammit!) anyway, i hope we actually will get to see avi visit elayne in the future because i cannot HANDLE the prospect of them ALSO being separated for the rest of the series. my last ship standing dammit!!!

when elayne gives avi angreal to take with her: “‘you shame me, sister. i have no farewell gift to give in return.’ ‘you give me your friendship. you gave me a sister.’ elayne felt a tear slide down her cheek. she essayed a laugh, but it was a weak, tremulous thing. ‘how can you say you have nothing to give? you’ve given me everything.’” ROMANCE!!!! MARRIAGE!!!!!!! genuinely one of, if not THE, most romantic lines in the entire series to date! you could take all of avilayne’s canon interactions and just change “sister” to “wife” and it legit would come across as such a strong romance without a single kiss ever needing to be exchanged. like yeah female friendships in this series are much more intimate than male friendships are allowed to be, but even then avilayne is SO different from and more intense than all other female friendships in the series. not even mat would want to bet against the odds of their relationship being made romantic in the show, now that i’ve seen how INSANELY homoerotic it is in the books, i consider it an absolute guarantee that the show will make the abundance of subtext into actual text.

“tears glistened in aviendha’s eyes too. despite the others watching, she put her arms around elayne and hugged her hard.” we know how huge it is for an aiel to hug somebody in front of others!! “‘i will miss you, sister,’ she whispered. ‘my heart is as cold as night.’” avi’s not gonna let elayne outdo her with romantic lines! “‘and mine, sister,’ elayne whispered, hugging back equally hard. ‘i will miss you too. but you will be allowed to visit me sometimes. this isn’t forever.’ ‘no, not forever. but i will still miss you.’” “‘may you always find water and shade, sister,’ elayne replied. the aiel way had a finality about it, so she added, ‘until i see your face again.’ and as quickly as that, they were gone. as quickly as that, she felt very alone. aviendha’s presence had become a certainty, a sister to talk to, laugh with, share her hopes and fears with, but that comfort was gone.” 😭😭😭😭

****spoilers for the series endgame in terms of me referencing characters who i know survive the last battle**** it has finally occurred to me to be very worried about the future for avilayne. when avi becomes a full wise one, will she have to stay with the aiel permanently? will she have to go back to live in the waste? i am PRAYING that after the last battle enough aiel decide to remain in the wetlands and caemlyn specifically (i mean unless the aiel all die in the last battle since their destruction is prophesized, oh fuck so many things to worry about!) so that avi can be a wise one to the aiel in caemlyn and still live with elayne! rand is included in all this too, of course, but i’m less certain of him ending up in caemlyn post-last battle since iirc the amol epilogue summary i read back in december while the show was airing only said that he was gonna wander the world (pls don’t tell me anything more specific, i already regret everything i DO know about the series endgame lmao i wouldn’t have read the epilogue summary if i’d known i would read the books, i had no intention of reading them and figured it’d take 10 years to find out how it ends once the show got there, and i read a cauthor oneshot that had a brief post-canon scene of mat thinking about rand in a way implying he was dead (yes it was tagged as post-canon spoilers, yes it’s my own fault for going “that sign can’t stop me because i can’t read” and reading the fic anyway) and i was like RAND DIES??? SAY SIKE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW so OBVIOUSLY i had to look up for sure whether it was true, i couldn’t bear it!)

“elayne did not realize her shoulders had slumped until she straightened them. her sister was gone, yet she had a city to defend and a throne to gain. duty would have to sustain her now.” THE FACT THAT THIS IS THE EXACT SAME WAY SHE THINKS ABOUT RAND

“her reasons for not countering [the rumor that mellar is the babydaddy] had changed - she no longer had need to protect her babes, rand’s babes” why not?? they would still be in danger if it was known they were the dragon reborn’s kids. and elayne has known the whole time that min’s viewing said they would be born healthy but this didn’t prevent her initially not wanting it known rand is the dad.

the palace is changing, corridors moving and vanishing and appearing. maybe related to that thing of the guy mat saw sink into the pavement.

“a falcon [map marker] showed where the goshien were. or had been. were they gone yet? [elayne] slipped the falcon into her belt pouch. aviendha was very much a falcon.” ❤️❤️❤️

“‘they’re gone, or going,’ elayne told [birgitte]. there would be visits. aviendha was not gone forever.” 😭❤️

in all rand’s “i’m so dangerous to my loved ones!” fretting, why does he never once think about the fact that hundreds of asha’man, many of whom may well be traitors to him (and darkfriends tho i’m not sure if he knows that much), are right on elayne’s doorstep because he put the school there?

“again someone seemed to think she had answers she did not. but then, that was what it meant to be queen. you were always expected to have an answer, to find one. that was what it meant to be aes sedai.” baby ❤️

“she often found herself staring at a page without seeing a word, thinking of her sister, or starting to say something to aviendha before remembering that she was not there. she felt very lonely, which was ridiculous. sephanie stood in a corner...eight guardswomen were standing outside the door to the apartments...but none of them was aviendha.” elayne misses her wife!!! so do i!! i will say, i’m not pitting avilayne and randlayne against each other bc i love both equally and it’s not randlayne’s fault that the narrative robs them at every turn, but it’s kinda hilarious how elayne is so much more cut up about her “sister’s” departure than her boyfriend’s and babydaddy’s. (granted rand’s departure is no longer fresh and she was much sadder and more worried about him and missing him more in previous books, in this book her entire chapter chunk has been one Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day during which she only thinks about rand to go “burn him for knocking me up!” because she’s in a bad mood.)

elayne cries upon hearing that reanne corly was murdered and chides herself over Pregnancy Mood Swings, sweetheart crying over a friend’s murder is NORMAL! you’re allowed to have emotions!

#wot #wot book spoilers

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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What happened with lizcourserants? Genuine question, I used to follow her a while back on her tumblr discoursecatharsis before I unfollowed a bunch a blogs like that to take a break from discourse in general, and I vaguely know she put her tumblr on a hiatus and started posting on twitter but having one hellsite in my life is enough for me so I never checked it. From what I remember, discoursecatharsis used to be mainly a place where people could come on anon to vent about antis and other issues in fandom? With the occasional original post on why antis where asshole, though nothing particularly academical. And also she didn't want to discuss anything related to maps because talking about that kind of thing in a rl context made her uncomfortable, so she'd delete asks about it, but that iirc that was a boundary she always was very clear about and she never badmouthed people who did discuss the topic or anything. Did she suddenly become an asshole when she moved on to twitter or something?

There was a gratuitously long callout document she helped make that tarred people for disagreeing as much as for being into Icky™ stuff. It also committed the cardinal sin of taking something objectionable from a twitter 5 people looked at and spreading it across the internet while going "IT WOULD BE BAD IF PEOPLE SAW THIS!!!" It was all very tedious, and I only caught the tail end of it.

Basically, that kind of proshipper should stick to "thought crimes aren't real, but don't talk to me about map shit" and not descend into "This one type of thought crime totally is real."

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jedusaur · 1 year

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good things this week:

had a decent executive function and mood day today after a few really tough days, so it's really good to be out of the tar pit for now. I recently upped some meds and was starting to think that the side effects were too much, but fingers crossed that the initial rough patch is over and it'll keep getting better

cooked things! potato-chickpea curry, shortcut quiche (with premade crust), Greek pasta salad, a REALLY killer stir-fry with peanut sauce, marinated/baked tofu for sammiches, and a hummus/feta/tomato/olive thing that was gonna be a dip for pita wedges, but the pitas went bad so I ended up spreading it on toast and that worked great

@1000-directions tried making my mom's peanut sauce recipe, which has been go-to comfort food for me since I was a kid, and she really liked it :D love sharing food things with my people

the grocery store employee who brought out my pickup order this week was queer <3

I threw a tumblr room party to brainstorm ideas for a diner fic and a bunch of people got into it and had fun! I've been really missing hosting fannish events and this kinda scratched that itch a little :)

tried discord (again) and determined that it is not my bag (again), but in the process I connected with a few fandom folks I've been messaging a bit, nice to find new people!

finally rigged up a system to make my ankle PT easier

Steph has been really excited about watching the Kraken play and happy about wins and asking lots of questions and she wore a Kraken shirt to work :D I love hockey and I love explaining hockey and I love my Steph

started a whatsapp group for productivity sprints and had one really good productive afternoon, looking forward to engaging with that more

people keep telling me the scented candles I make are good enough to sell, so I finally buckled down and made a task list for giving that hustle a shot

there are a few bulbs coming up outside my door :) they're either daffodils or jonquils, never did figure out which last spring

I 100% accidentally took a cutting from one of rocket bae's plants XD a bit of plant came off while I was moving it and I stuck it in water thinking it would be a nice decoration for a few days and then wilt, but it grew roots in the water!

started drawing a thing today, I am not generally a person who draws things but I like how it's going so far

still losing my entire shit over the Elliott Page/Julia Garner/A$AP Rocky threesome

rewatched The Princess Diaries today, which was my favorite movie when I was like 11. I was expecting it to be terrible because I remember rewatching it in my late teens and scoffing at the plot holes, but no actually it's a GREAT fuckin movie, in part because it does not care about its plot holes. it had so many excellent one-liners and little characterization moments for bit parts, and also lol I fully did not realize at age 11 that I was totally crushing on Julie Andrews in the ball scene. she was 64 lmao but LOOK at her in this dress she was HOT okay

#good things #life #mental health #meds #food #steph #fandom #hockey #candles #plants #movies

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discordantstorm · 2 years

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reasons why the lord of the rings (also there and back again, the silmarillion, and beren and luthien, because those books count too) is the best book series ever (warning: swearing)

-everything about the elves, they're really cool and have a lot of history behind them!

-the fact that Sauron, the deceiver and the dark lord, creator of the one ring, destroyer of civilizations, basically a really powerful guy in general, was scared shitless of Luthien (and anyone related to her) just because she (and her descendants) beat the living crap out of him so much.

-"No living man am I! You look upon a woman! Éowyn I am, Éomund's daughter. Begone if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him!"

-it's like the only series in existence where the movies and books are both equally good (specifically for the main three, "there and back again"'s movies weren't as good).

-there's tons of lore to discover (like thousands of years of it) so if you like that, go to your local library and get these books ASAP.

-hobbit naming customs, it seems to be a common theme that girls are named stuff like "Mirabella" or "Asphodel," or "Belladonna," meanwhile boys are named shit like "Bingo," "Dudo," and "Mungo." the difference is that the girls have beautiful, amazing names, and boys have names that sound like someone was in a massive hangover and bashed their head against the keyboard, then spaced out the results until they just had random crap there. well, i guess sometimes the boys can have equally ridiculous stuff like "Meriadoc" sometimes, but the girls don't have the weird/stupid names, and i'm not sexist or anything but i think it's hilarious.

-in there and back again, the story literally happens because a wizard and bunch of dwarves barge into the protagonist's house and practically force him into an adventure.

-Sauron has so many names that it's not even funny. I can think of seven (including Sauron, it's that, Mairon, Annatar the Lord of Gifts, Artano, Gorthaur, Aulendil, and Tar-Mairon) off the top of my head, and I know there's more than that. Like, twenty of them. And most of them were used for, well, trying to deceive people. World's first funny bitch.

-for literally most of an entire book in the series we're introduced to a character named Strider, and he's called Strider, and he is Strider, until congratulations?? his name is Aragorn.

-because i said it was. as we all know i control every aspect of literary analysis and my opinion is law. now go read it

#lord of the rings #beren and luthien #there and back again #the silmarillion #fellowship of the ring #the two towers #the return of the king #amazing books #book recommendations

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thedreadvampy · 1 year

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got some Feelings as I do whenever Nonce Discourse arises about like. how everyone acts like it's an unusual evil that adult men predate on teenagers. like that it's something rare and shocking that's done by evil interlopers. when the truth is it's fucking. baked into so much of British culture. it's everywhere. and if you think it's not then you are not fucking looking.

blaming it on the reactionaries' scapegoat du jour - gay people, trans people, migrants, Muslims, Asians, etc - is so fucking pathetic when so many people have been abused as kids from so many people.

like with the far right riots in Kirkby so much of what I'm seeing on social media is 'oh well most people in the crowd aren't RACIST they don't HATE MIGRANTS they're just WORRIED ABOUT NONCES' and it's like oh aye? so you reckon all of these guys step in when their fuckin 40 year old pals hit on a 14 year old? you reckon they're as concerned about the way white British men born and bred in Liverpool behave towards girls?

bc like I've not ever lived in the north west but my experience back home suggests uhhhhhhhh not so much. and I know I'm not alone in this cause I've got friends from all over the country who have had abuse by adult men similarly normalised in their communities when they were teenagers. it is a MASSIVE problem all across this country and if the kinds of people who are always sounding off about Muslim or Asian or Polish or refugee or queer Child Groomers spent a single iota of that energy addressing the systemic abuse happening in their own homes and from their own pals maybe something would actually change.

cause I tell you what man the amount of (cishet white native-born Local Type White Working Class) adult men with girlfriends who are still in school, or men who I have literally seen commit sex crimes, who go on and on about how the only source of rape or abuse or child grooming in this country are [insert reactionary target here] and how they are uniquely evil for it is like. it's fucking incredible.

like why do we CARE if it's true what this guy did, when it goes unremarked by literally everyone when white British men do the same shit or much worse day in and day out? why would one migrant dude doing something awful justify targeted attacks on a whole bunch of vulnerable people tarred with the same brush, but for literally like 10 people I know not only didn't get All White English Men Labeled As Predators when the grooming and assault they suffered was brought to light, but actively got shunned by their community in favour of the guys abusing them? like I have seen families CELEBRATE men in their 30s and 40s fucking their 16 year old daughters but no sure the call is coming from outside the house.

'maybe they're just concerned about nonces' my arse. if you were actually concerned about nonces you wouldn't be shrugging it off or cheering it on in your own community. cunts.

#red said

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unknown-kai · 2 years

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I love reimagining old works into my own versions. Like yeah lemme just she ra this shit and make it different but still enjoyable. Call me self indulgent but this shit is like free therapy.

Anyway so about the Fireboy and Watergirl lore..

I've done a bit of research (aka skimming through the wiki) and already I see problems. Elementals are hard to do but it can't be THAT hard right?

Fire, water, plant? Sun??? Frost????? THE FUCKING YIN AND YANG????????????????

Y'all. This cannot be real.

I mean. No offense to the developer but... yeah.. no.

Okay so lemme just add a bit of "creative liberty" juice and whoops my hand slipped!

Time for a complete overhaul of the lore 😈

Okay so the yin and yang is gonna be split into two dudes (gender neutral). They're like. The makers of the mazes or something. They're demigods of sorts

There consists of 4 temples, 3 of which are filled with mazes

The first temple is just the entrance. A few traps maybe. At the end there are 4 gems. We'll talk about those later

The second temple is fire and water. Pretty self explanatory. The green goo is nerfed btw.

The other second temple (this'll make sense soon i hope) which we'll just call the third temple is wind and earth. This where weight and flight is involved

The last temple, the biggest temple, combines the 4 elements along with light and dark. Light puzzles require you to adjust mirrors and also there's ice. Dark puzzles require you to traverse the maze in darkness (or with the little light you can manage to produce) and black goo or i guess tar? Is there.

At the end of the last temple there is a great hall where the victors can feast. There are more rooms to explore but it's better to exit (trust me)

Anyway the 4 elementals are fire, water, wind, and earth (something something avatar shut up). These elementals are created from vessels, often humans, but they can be any living creature, who touches a crystal. Within the mazes, these vessels are reborn when they die. Outside, however, once an elemental dies, it's spirit finds its way back to its crystal. There can be no more than one elemental of each crystal.

To turn back into a human or whatever creature they were, an elemental must drink The Golden Milk. It's not actually milk. It's just this thick golden drink that's really sweet. Although.. the transformation back to a vessel is just as painful as the transformation into an elemental..

If you want to know what Golden Milk tastes like just mix a bunch of honey with milk until they're one consistent fluid. You can have it at whatever temperature you prefer but our fellas got to drink it warm.

That's kinda it. Good night, lovelies I'm sleepy and have an exam tomorrow 💖

#ramblings #fireboy and watergirl #fbawg #that's an ugly acronym but whatev #lore making #i guess

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firelord-frowny · 2 years

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My problem, really, isn't that I don't think I'm Good Enough.

I know I'm a prodigious writer.

I know my musical artistry is world class (even if my technical skills aren't what i wish they were, my artistic skills are fucking divine).

I know I'm hella good at knitting, and drawing/painting.

I know. I KNOW!

I just don't see why anyone should care.

So what? So what if I'm good at anything? I'm only me. And I'm not someone somebody else should pay any attention for. Not because I'm not good enough. Just because I'm me and not someone else.

Every move i make feels like an apology.

Physically.

I walk across a room and silently express my regrets for having made everyone have to glance at me. I take a few seconds to fiddle with my wallet long enough to get my credit card out and the set of my shoulders is a message to the cashier: Sorry you had to spend 4 seconds longer than necessary in my presence. I smile at a stranger and even if they smile back, I'm sorry for having made them feel obligated to smile at me.

I make myself as small and transparent and silent as I possibly can wherever I go and I'm still sorry. I'm sorry I can't be small enough to outright disappear. I'm sorry for taking up space. I'm sorry for my gravity. I know I shouldn't have any. I'm sorry for my radiation. I'd turn it off if I could. I'm sorry that even after I'm dead, my mass is still imposing itself on the universe.

I'm sorry for being so fucking full of myself as to believe the whole world is going out if its way to be annoyed by me and only me. 80% of human beings on earth will never ever ever lay eyes on me, be in the same place as me, or even learn my name, but I'm so convinced that I already know what they'd think of me if they did.

I'm sorry I applied for a job and made you lose precious minutes of your life looking at my resume. I'm sorry I went to a spoken word open mic night and read some of my work. That's what open mic nights are for, but I know that when someone schedules an open mic night that you don't have to pay or sign up for and is open to literally everyone, they didn't mean me, and it's SO OBVIOUS that they didn't mean me, that it wasn't even necessary for them to say so. You don't have to say "Open To Everyone EXCEPT FROWNY" in order for everyone to know Frowny isn't welcome. Everyone did cheer and express awe and appreciation for what I read at that open mic night. I even heard a gasp right after I finished. "Wow." "Damn." "I felt that." You're all just a bunch of fucking liars. I know you think I'm stupid.

I'm sorry for ever needing support. I'm sorry I asked you for help. I know nobody actually gives a shit about me. I know I'm a fucking proverbial Starving Child In Africa that nobody actually cares about but still donates to just to look good to other people. People who really matter, unlike me, who would leave the world absolutely unchanged if I ever vanished from it.

I'm sorry I said hello. Sorry I said goodbye. Sorry I answered the phone when you called. Sorry I texted you. Sorry I answered your text. Sorry I'm not strong enough for you to feel certain that I wouldn't fall apart if you ever actually told me to go away. I know you care enough about my humanity that you'd rather not see me in pain. I know that that's the extent of your care for me. You don't want me to die, but beyond that, you're content to never think of me at all.

I'm sorry I put on lipstick and eyeliner sometimes. Im sorry I made you roll your eyes inside at how stuck up and materialistic I must be to warrant trying to make myself look pretty.

I'm sorry I'm good at anything. All this fucking talent just sitting here wasting away like a mastadon in a tar pit. I could be contributing something meaningful to the world if only I weren't so selfish.

I know I'm not supposed to be here. Something catastrophic happened in spacetime that glitched me out of my own universe and into yours. I know this because I can feel the dissonance between my wavelenth and the space around me like a G against an F#. the My tempo is just a few bpm too fast or too slow. My very presence here is, to everyone around me, as obnoxious and bothersome as a singer who's always sharp. That One Guy at a music concert who simply cannot stay on beat when he claps. The violist in a quartet who always rushes the tempo.

I'd make it all up to you if I could, but I don't think physics or spacetime work like that. I'm sorry the laws of the universe disallow me from deleting my mass from existence. All I can do is promise to shrink as much as I can. I'll try to stay out of sight. I won't make any noise. I promise to make it as easy as possible for you to forget me.

#lmfao what a Sad Girl Rant #this is why im in therapyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

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abbatoirablaze · 2 years

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TM Tragedy, Season 2, Chapter 7

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: sexual references/innuendos, mentions of race purity/Aryans/nazis, some derogatory language, mentions of blood, violence/aggression, stab wound, medical situations, mention of a razor.

Gemma’s POV

"Hey."

"Good morning," Tara said, trying to act civil. I smiled, “how are you today?”

"baby with Neeta?"

"At the park."

"And Jax?" I asked

"Cleaning out the garage." She said. I grabbed some coffee and sat down at the table. I needed to talk to her about what to do with Mandy and me. Ever since the attack I'd lost all sex drive and been going through what feels like menopause "you still sore."

"Ahh," I sighed, "it's getting worse. I'm just so goddamn stiff."

"Are you dry?"

"Like the Mojave vagina."

"It's the stress," she replied, "your body isn't producing enough estrogen. I'll write a subscription."

"Hey ma," Jax said, walking in, “Tar…”

"Hi honey."

"You take a box of clothes from the garage?"

"I haven't done anything out there," I lied, instantly thinking of the manuscript, “what are you looking for baby?”

"I'm missing a box."

No, you aren't. Just John's book.

"Oh," I said, faking a memory, "I cleaned some shit out there before the baby came home. There was a box of laundry that had a serious stink to it."

"Well, where is it?"

"Tossed it," I smiled. I shrugged my shoulders, "it was just a bunch of old tee shirts. Funky underwear. Why? What are you looking for?"

"An old Harley manual," he lied, staring me dead in the eyes. He was calling my bluff, "hard to find."

"Sorry."

"HELLO CHILDREN," Chibs bellowed, bringing Cain in with him, “HELLO LARGE PEOPLE!”

"DADDY!"

"Hey Buddy," Jax smiled, "you have fun with mommy and papa Chibs?"

He nodded, "Hi Miss. Tara."

She smiled softly, "hello."

"Thought the prospect was with you," Jax said, putting Cain down and messing with his hair. I smiled. Cain looked exactly like Jax did when he was little. He ran up to Tara and hugged her. She picked him up and balanced him on her hip.

"No, no no," Chibs laughed, "the wee man goes under the knife today. He's getting his sack filled."

"Excuse me?"

"He's completing himself," Chibs laughed again. Then he turned his attention to Jax, "we're supposed to meet Clay at the shop."

"Oh," Jax said, "I'm ready. Lemme dump these in my truck."

He bent over to grab the box and Chibs grabbed his hips. I stifled a laugh as Chibs jokingly pretended to be his lover and Jax shied away from him.

"Remembering breakfast with daddy?"

"Oh yeah," he smirked, "Kippers and oat cakes. Delicious."

"See you later babe," Jax said leaning forward to kiss Tara. She smiled and reciprocated as he finished putting his holsters on.

"Bye baby," I said as they walked out the door, “Be good!”

Tara raised a brow at me, "why are you so smiley."

"Just admiring how domesticated you made my son is all," I laughed, "and how domesticated he's made you."

"We're not domesticated," she laughed, “we’re just…spending time together.”

"You're still holding Cain like you're a postcard example of a loved one being left for a man in the military, sweetheart."

She looked to Cain on her hip, "we're buddies. Right Cain?"

He smiled, "RIGHT!"

"Right," I smirked, "so what about that prescription."

She laughed and called up to the pharmacy, giving the technician all the information. When she hung up she looked at me, "is 20 minutes good, your highness?"

"Perfect," I smiled. Tara put Cain down and he ran off to play with Neeta and Abel who'd now come back, "I needed to talk to you about another thing too."

"Okay?"

"Mandy," I sighed, "I need you to talk her into getting an abortion."

"What?"

"She's being reckless," I sighed, "she's a good guardian for Rizario, but last week she ran off with Piney and when she came back, I found out she'd helped rescue Tig. She just told us she's pregnant. Juice and her are always fighting. He's worried about the baby, but she's just worried about getting back to normal...I think it's all too much for her."

"You know how Amanda is, Gemma," she said, trying to make me feel better, "she's a Morrow. Always gotta do things her way."

I sighed, "she is just like her father...I just, I need you to do this for me."

"I don't know," she sighed, "I can talk to her, but an abortion is her decision."

I rolled my eyes, effectively ending our conversation. If she didn't want to help me on that, fine. I'd just take care of it myself, "do you wanna drive down now?"

She nodded, grabbing her purse, and let Neeta know that we were leaving.

The drive to the pharmacy was quick. There wasn't a line or anything so that made it better. Tara was telling me that she got me a prescription for estrogen. She thought that the stress of the attack drove me into full fledged menopause.

That's when I saw her as we started towards the car. The young girl with the blonde bob messing with the van.

That little bitch. It felt like she heard my little inner comment, because she turned to me. Her eyes held pure terror.

"Gemma?"

The girl began to run and I bolted after her, forgetting whatever it was that Tara had been talking about a moment prior. I was locked in on this girl, and I had to get her. That little bitch was gonna pay.

I rounded a corner and stopped dead in my tracks. She was getting into a jeep. That jeep didn't have just anyone. It had Zobelle's little lacky driving. As they pulled away, I felt someone grab me. Out of instinct I slammed my elbow back into them.

"Fuck."

I turned to see Tara holding her nose, "Oh. Oh shit. I'm so sorry."

"Oh my god, jesus Christ."

"I'm sorry. Oh man," I sighed, trying to help her, "I'm sorry Tara."

Mandy’s POV

"Hey Mandy."

"Hi Michael," I smiled to the doctor I was training under, "Everyone alright today?"

He shook his head, "just trying to keep the crazy house tame, you know the drill."

I nodded as we went through the metal detectors and our bags went through the x ray machine. Together we walked towards the staff lounge where the lockers for us were.

"So what is on the agenda?"

He laughed, "you are probably the first intern I've had that's actually excited to get to work here."

"People need help," I said with a shrug, "I'm sorry if I show enthusiasm."

"I'm just worried about you," he said softly, "how's your pregnancy coming along?" "I'm 9 weeks now," I admitted, "me and my boyfriend haven't been seeing eye to eye though."

He gave me a soft look, "I remember what it was like for me and my wife when we had our daughter. Sometimes what you think is important may not be so important. Pick your battles kiddo."

"So wise," I laughed, "so tell me. Did you and your wife ever argue about what she should or shouldn't do when she was pregnant."

"All the time," he laughed, "she's very active. Always wants to help people...a lot like you. But at the time we found out we were in the process of buying a house. By the time we closed she was four and a half months pregnant. Did all the heavy lifting myself, but she kept trying to jump in and help. Want to talk about what's going on?"

I sighed, and absentmindedly put a hand on my stomach, "JC just doesn't let me do anything. You know how my dad runs a garage? Well, we got into an argument because I went with one of the guys to do a repo."

He laughed and shook his head at me. I tried to stick to the lie...I mean technically we did repo something...well someone.

"And he didn't like that?"

I shook my head, "he got extremely upset."

"Well sometimes people get really aggressive with repos. He probably didn't want you to be in any danger."

"That's what him, my dad, and my brother said."

He ruffled my hair as we entered the lounge. We saw a few of the CO's doing some paperwork in the corner, but otherwise it was empty. The doctors had a different shift set than the officers did, "it'll all work out."

I nodded and shoved my bag in my locker. Michael did the same. As we began to head to the medical wing, I heard a call coming from the walkie. Someone had gotten into a fight. "Shit. We should probably get to our area, right?"

He nodded, "yeah. They'll be bringing a few in. Sounds like the Aryans and the Triads. They've been at each other's throats all week."

We went to the medical wing where the guards had just begun to bring some people in. One guy, an Asian had a deep stab wound. He was bleeding heavily. There was a shiv still buried in his stomach, but the guards waited on pulling it out because of how much blood he'd already lost. Michael took that guy, and told me to go check up on the Aryan they brought in. He'd just needed a few stitches.

He had all your classic Aryan tattoos and dark eyes. His brown almost black hair was cut short on the sides, but it was long enough on the top that he pushed it back.

"I'll need you to step back miss," a guard said quickly as I grabbed some alcohol wipes to clean off any blood, “Miss…”

"Leave her alone Andrew," Michael called from a few feet away, "she'll clean up Tully."

"This inmate just stabbed your patient," 'Andrew' growled at Michael. I looked between the two men and to the inmate. He was just staring at me, “I don’t think I can allow you access to him.”

"If you don't mind, I think I'm going to clean him up. If you feel that scared, he'll attack me too you can cuff him to the bed," I said quickly, "but I don't think I'm his type."

That earned a smirk from 'Tully', and he muttered, "she's got a point."

The guard narrowed his eyes at me, "if you think you can handle him, fine. He's all yours. But if he slits your throat your blood's not on me."

"Well obviously," I said trying to be sarcastic, "if he cuts my throat, it'd be on him. Blood spatter patterns don't go any which way."

He rolled his eyes at me and walked over to another guard outside the door. I ripped open the package and began to clean off his hands.

"I can clean them off," he said simply, “you don’t have to do it.”

"It's fine," I replied, "If I do it, I can at least check to see if you have any cuts that will need stitches anyways. That one above your brow is gonna need a few. Hope you like not having eyebrows."

He chuckled, "they trust you around me with a razor and a needle."

"Imagine that," I said, trying to make a joke, "so what did he do to piss you off? Sell your friends some knock off swastikas?"

He grumbled something that I didn't hear, and I opened a second and third pack of wipes to start on his upper arm and neck.

"Say again?"

"Your awful mouthy for a doctor."

"Well, I came from a family of bikers."

"Sons? Devil's Tribe? War Boys? Don't say Hell's Angels."

"Sons," I admitted, "Redwood Originals down in Charming."

"You're a bit away from where you should be."

"An Aryan. No Stockton tags," I said, taking a look at the tattoos I could see, "I could say the same for you. Especially mentioning a Nevada Charter."

"From Reno," he admitted, "they got me on charges here."

"Looks like we're both away from our nests," I said, finally starting on his face. He didn't flinch as I cleaned off his brow. I turned around and went to the cabinet, grabbing some things to stitch him closed, as well as a razor to shave his brow.

"SIT THE HELL DOWN!"

I turned around to see the guard had his baton out and ready to hit Tully who had stood up. He didn't move. I could see him lifting his hands in the air slowly, as to not set the guard off.

I walked up to the guard and pushed him lightly, "Hey asshole, I told him to throw away his bloody alcohol pads. Unless you want to do it, fuck off."

I saw the guards’ nostrils flare and I narrowed my eyes at him. He backed down and went back to the door, muttering something about me being a bitch. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the bed where Tully had sat himself back down.

"You didn't have to lie for me."

"Call it the mothering instinct I've got," I replied. He put the pads down and handed me the razor, "want me to shave both so you're even?"

He nodded, "so you're a mom?"

"Kind of."

He nodded, thoughtfully, "well...thank you. Not many people show me affection..."

"Being part of the AB might have something to do with that," I shrugged. He smiled and shook his head at me, "hold still, or so help me god I'll leave you with fucked up eyebrows."

"You said you were shaving them off," he laughed, “not much fucking up you can do if you take em clean off.”

"Not if you keep moving!"

Chapter 8

Tag List: @lohnes16 @evyiione

#teller morrow #teller morrow tragedy #charming #soa #sons of anarchy season 2 #sons of anarchy #motorcycle clubs #motorcycle #mc #fx #soa gemma #gemma teller

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