firelord-frowny
Firelord Frowny: The Last Feelsbender
I am Firelord Frowny, the Last Feelsbender. I will bend your feels until they break.
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Me: you’ll pry my wired earbuds out of my cold dead hands!
Also me: *spends half of my uber ride trying to untangle my earbuds before i can actually use them*
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catharsis
a scene where alexios begins to realize that Pleiades is sort of a disassociated personality within her original identity that was named Nefertari. He never knew that the name he knew her by wasn't the name she was born with, and he's never met 'Nefertari' until a visit back to her hometown in Egypt triggered a disassociative episode.
this scene takes place after Pleiades's former music teacher gaslights her and gets into her head and tries to convince her that she isn't worth anyone's effort or devotion.
_________
Pleiades is sitting up when I walk in with the jug of wine. Her eyes are wide. She’s got a similar look on her face to when someone witnesses gore for the first time - terrified, utterly confused, vacant. When she looks at me, she flinches. I can’t imagine why.
I tell her, “I got the wine.”
All she does for way too long is stare at me. But I’m not going to say anything until she does. I’m not going to move. If I force her to be the one to further this exchange, maybe it’ll reveal something I can use to help her.
She finally says, “Thank you.” Well. That was entirely uninformative.
I sit beside her and hand her the jug, and she starts gulping it down, grimacing every time she swallows. She hates wine.
I need to ask her. “What did Baket say to you?”
She doesn’t want to tell me. She gulps more wine so she won’t have to answer. But there’s only so much wine to be gulped.
I say to her, “Pleiades. I need you to tell me what happened so I can help.”
Nothing. Nothing! It seems like every brick wall I dismantled piece by piece over the last several years has rebuilt itself in the last half hour. She won’t even look me in the eyes for more than a second or two.
I need a damn clue. There has to be something I’ve heard her say or seen her do that might tell me how to reach her right now.
She called herself ‘Nefertari’ earlier. Maybe…
“Pleiades. What did Baket say to Nefertari?”
Her head turns to face me and she speaks. “She said Alexios will leave her.”
I’m absolutely going to disfigure this woman. I can already see in my mind’s eye the shape of the keloid scar she’ll don after the blade of my spear slides down the length of her face.
“Why would she say something like that?”
“No man would tolerate Nefi’s hysterics for long.That’s why she’s spent her whole life alone. That’s why no one wants her as a student, let alone as a lover… I can’t-... Nefertari can’t expect anyone to be as patient with her as Baket is. Nobody likes a crybaby. Mercenaries especially don’t like crybabies. He only stays because he thinks she’ll hurt herself if he goes. But one day he won’t care anymore.”
I might upgrade Baket from disfigurement to murder.
“You know she’s wrong, don’t you?”
She shrugs.
“I told her I’d disfigure her if she came back here, and the wench did it anyway. So, clearly, she doesn’t know shit about me. But I intend to teach her.”
She drinks more wine.
[...]
“This is why people only ‘tolerate’ Nefertari,” she says.
I have no idea what she means.
“Is Nefertari the same person as Pleiades?”
She doesn’t shrug. She doesn’t shake her head. It takes a while before she murmurs, “I don’t know.”
“Does Nefertari know?”
“No.”
Could I really be dealing with two different people, here?
I’ve never seen Pleiades sound like this, or move like this, or talk like this. I didn’t even know she used to have another name, or that the name she uses now was given to her by someone she describes as ‘the only person who wanted me to be greater than him.’ When we first arrived here, she tried to insist on her new name and Baket in particular went out of her way not only to refuse, but to insinuate that Pleiades crossed a line by even requesting such a thing.
I don’t think I know this other woman. But I want to protect her as much as I want to protect Pleiades.
“Well, whoever she is… whoever you are… I love the both of you. And shame on anyone who endeavors to make you doubt that.”
I think Baket may remind me of Chrysis. The woman plots to cause Pleiades to lose all faith in everyone who loves her. Her lyre teacher. Setepenre. She’s seen me with Pleiades for all of maybe forty-five minutes and she’s already setting out to destroy an obvious source of support. Baket feels threatened by me. And yet, she’s oblivious to the magnitude of danger she’s in. She’s about to lose her life. I've killed for lesser reasons
“Would you even tell me? If you didn’t want me anymore?”
You have got to be kidding me. Am I supposed to answer that? I can see her beginning to panic with each second that goes by without an answer. I need to say something. “Who’s asking?” Fuck. That sounded worse coming out than it did in my head.
“Me!”
“Who are you?”
“You know!”
“I’m not sure that I do.”
“Just tell me! Please! Just tell me! She said you were mad at me. She could tell. You’re losing patience. You’re seeing my true colors. You’re fed up with me. It’s in your eyes. She knows people. She knows how people work. She knows why nobody’s ever wanted me. She’s always warned me but I never listened.”
I need to get her out of here.
“Yes! I would tell you. All I will ever tell you about anything is the truth. I have shown this to you from the start. Have I not?”
She nods and whimpers, “Yes.”
“It hasn’t changed.”
“Do you promise?”
“Of course I do.”
“Okay.”
I hug her and kiss the side of her head and she nearly goes limp against me. Her words are muffled when she says, “I’m sorry.”
“There is nothing to be sorry for.”
“I know I’m difficult.”
“What have I always said to you when you say you’re difficult?”
She’s quiet for a moment before answering. “You say. That everyone is difficult sometimes.”
“And what else?”
“You say… that all of the best things you have ever done in your life have been difficult.”
“And?”
“Nothing worthwhile is easy.”
We have this conversation a lot - though not so much recently until arriving in Egypt - and I never tire of it. I never tire of it the same way I never tire of unjamming her good loom, or putting food on her table, or massaging her shoulders when she’s sore from playing her lyra for too long. I won’t ever tire of doing anything she needs from me. I don’t know if she’ll ever believe that, but that’s okay, because I won’t ever tire of trying to convince her.
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~the liberal redneck~ gets me sooooooooooo 🥵🥵🥵 its embarrassing lmaoooooooo
#a hardcore rednecky southern drawl is so damn sexy to meee#and i neverrrr realized it until trae crowder came on the scene#bc up until then usually when i'd hear a rednecky accent#the person would be saying some dumb fucked up bootlicking racist conservative bullshit lmfaoooo#but as soon as i heard that same accent saying Nice Things my loins fluttered to life lololol
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is it just meee, or is fast food like... worse??? than it used to be???
not that it was ever ~good~ exaclty, but i feel like over the last several years, as restaurants have updated and reformulated their recipes and products and everything,
sooooooooooo much of it tastes like the frozen shit you buy at the grocery store!
and i wonder if my tastes are just finally maturing lmfao or if stuff really is lower quality or less fresh than it used to be or something.
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yall the utter CONTEMPT!!!!!!!!!!! that i have for my county's public school system knows no bounds! the list of absurdly incompetent and blatantly disrespectful bullshit they've done to the detriment of its students and its lowest ranking faculty members is like 200 million lightyears long.
ok no its actually only like eleven bullet points long lmfao but still.
and that's only if i count things that were done specifically to me! if i count other people's stories its probably like 42 bullet points long.
like, i had a classmate whose mom didn't speak much english. and one day, she got in trouble for a ~uniform violation~ (idk, maybe her polo shirt was the wrong shade of black or something) and so she was sent to the office and they made her call her mom.
so obviously she's speaking to her mom in the language that her mom speaks!
and the vice principal snaps at her to speak english?????????
and she's like
"??????????????????????????????????? my mother does not speak english."
i mean jeez like!
the request could have been reasonable if it just hadn't been spoken so rudely. the answer of course would have still been "i can't because my mom doesn't speak english," but at least the vice principal wouldnt have been a disrespectful piece of shit about it.
but i fucking swear to god, being a disrespectful piece of shit must be on the job description requirements, because the ENTIRE admin staff in the whole county, and a great deal of the teachers, were pieces of shit for my entire time as a student in the school system, continued to be pieces of shit when i worked in the school system for a few short years (i am never going back), and are STILL pieces of shit according to people i know who still work there. it's amazing.
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#i would love for this story to be untrue obviously bc wow thats barbaric even for a public school#and i legit hope that this is just one of those tumblr stories somebody made up to sound cool bc id rather someome be fibbing#than to have actually experienced this#but if it is true#then i soooo hope this person felt badass while being escorted through the halls#by firemen with an axe lololol
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i'm on my 3rd cycle of using disposable menstrual discs lmao and uhhhhhhhhhhh
HOWWWWWWW DID I MANAGE TO SHOVE TWO OF THOSE THINGS UP THERE AT THE SAME TIME WITHOUT REALIZING IT LMAO JEEEEEEEZ
so, aaaaaallllll day yesterday, i was only getting like an hour or two of use out of one disc before it started to leak! and leak BADLY! Like, i'd hurry to the bathroom and sit on the toilet and it was literally just blood PEEING out of me! in a steady stream! i'm like! what the fuck! i know my flow is grotesquely heavy to begin with, but it's never just POURED out of me like this!
so i reach in and start to pull the disc out, and as soon as i give it a lil tug, more blood just BURSTS out omg! like that shit SPLATTERED all over my hand and splashed into the toilet! it was so fucking bizarre!
anyway, i pull the disc out, rinse it, dispose of it, then go put another one in, obviously.
and then the saaaaaaaame thing kept happening all day!
and then FINALLY i started noticing that it was a little harder to insert them than usual? and harder to get them properly situated once they were inside? and slightly more uncomfortable to insert as well, though there was no discomfort once i got it in. but i was still concerned about the fact that the ~topography~, if you will, of my vajayjay seemed so drastically different than usual! i'm like, wtf is going on here??? do i have a tumor or something??? is something swollen down there? wtf?
and just now, after another rush to the bathroom, when i reached in to pull it out, i felt TWO rims! wtf!
and so my first assumption was that for some reason, the disc hadn't ~opened up~ when i inserted it, which would explain why it was leaking so quickly, but wtf would cause it to not open up, anyway? like, what's in the way???
so i pulled it out, and then sooooomething just told me to stick my finger back in there and see if there was anything else in there, AND THEN I FEEL A WHOLE EXTRA DISC IN THERE omgggg!
i have no recollection of forgetting that i'd already put one in! wtf! lmfao! yikes!
sooo i guess that's another "con" i can add to my short list of things that are not-so-great about disposable menstrual discs lmaoooo. there's no external indicator, like with a tampon, that tells you you already have one in there! so if you forget that you've already put one in, nothing's gonna stop you from shoving another one up there. (although i DID once accidentally put two tampons in lmfao.)
i still prefer discs to tampons and cups at this point, tho!
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i dont know neeeearly enough about breed-specific legislation to warrant going out of my way to advocate for or against it in any legit capacity,
but what i do know is that today i saw some fuckin idiot walking their pitbull in public in an area with a lot of foot traffic... WITHOUT A FUCKING LEASH!!!!
and pitbulls aren't even legal here!!!
so not only was this lady already demonstrating hella irresponsibility by having a dog she's not supposed to have, but then she ALSO fails to even put it on a damn leash??? and then if/when her dog goes and rips apart somebody's chihuahua or mauls a small child, she's gonna act sooooooooooo shocked and try to blame it on everything but herself and her dog.
also???????????
last winter there was a "pitbull type dog" (i think an American Bully? but i'm not sure) that got loose and wandered the neighborhood for MONTHS!
MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
or idk maybe it wasn't months lmfao but i saw it on several different occasions over the course of at least a few weeks.
and throughout my life in this neighborhood, the only dogs i've ever seen get loose have been pitbulls, a rottweiler, and a german shepherd, the latter of which CHASED ME DOWN THE STREET WHEN I WAS ON MY BIKE when i was like 10 years old.
and im like, is this a coincidence????
is it a coincidence that the only dogs that have ever been allowed to pose a threat in my neighborhood, to my knowledge, have all been dogs that have had reputations for being more dangerous than other dogs???
like, nobody's golden retriever is breaking out of their outdoor kennel and chasing the neighborhood kids around. nobody is strutting through the park with their unleashed jack russle terrier.
are irresponsible people just drawn to dogs that have dangerous reputations???
bc it really seeeeeeeeeeeeems, just from my casual observations, that a lot of pitbull owners are brazenly irresponsible and negligent! And when i see shit like that, it makes it really easy for me to sympathize with the idea that maybe it really is best that people just aren't allowed to have those kinds of dogs in the first place!
#jeez like#i can't see myself ever wanting a bully breed unless i lived in the middle of nowhere!#if i have lots of neighbors or if kids live near me#i wouldnt want a large dog AT ALL let alone one that is strong enough to be more dangerous than other#similarly sized dogs#bc like#obviously i dont want anyone to be hurt by my hypothetical dog#but i ALSO dont want the legal ramifications of such a thing!! like jeez it would be bad enough#if my dog bit off some lil kid's hand#but i'm also legally responsible for it??? No Thank You!
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my first bug id request of the season this year comes frommmm my mommy! 😊
the 'big mean red bumble bee looking thing' that started chasing her when she tried to pull the cover off of the patio table is of course none other than a european hornet <3 a non-native and relatively aggressive species that Must Die.
#i almost neverrrrrrrrrrrr approve of killing bugs but european hornets are an exception#both bc theyre non native and because they will fuck you up on purpose if they think you're too close#this one seemed like it was considering building a nest by the patio table and thats a no no
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FACTS.
I straight up just choose not to become close with people who need/enjoy frequent texting as a means of connection and showing care. Not because there’s anything wrong with them, but because we’re just not compatible in that way. I LOVE not being in constant electronic communication with people. I love forgetting where my phone is. I love that I can go days without looking at it if I don’t need to. It brings me a lot of peace, and I have no interest in changing that.
I’m of the belief that a lot of folks could really benefit from going a little more out of their way to find friends who actually share their values and preferences when it comes to the method/frequency of connecting with each other, rather than feeling hurt and passing judgement on people who just have a different set of values.
who tf forgets to text someone they're genuinely interested in??????? no one
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STORMY SEASON STORMY SEASON STORMY SEASON STORMY SEASON STORMY SEASON
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i really wish i had also jotted down the context for this because i have NOOOOOOOOO IDEA what the fuck this is supposed to be about now lmfaoooooooooooooo
just jotting some shit down out of context for a thing to reference later
lion? wolf? dragon? tiger? hawk? falcon? eagle? leopard? jaguar? wolverine? honey badger? python? cobra? shark?
mouse? robin? sparrow? rabbit? squirrel? vole? lemming? pika? meerkat?
trimmed down with an artisan's care and attention, snipped away, tweezed, plucked, thinned, a bonsai redwood, a mockery of its own majesty, a practical joke, a spectacle, an ornament,
blah blah blah.
what happens to a bonsai tree if you stop trimming it?
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like omg a few years ago, some starlings made a nest in the attic right over my mom's bathroom???
AND THE WHOOOOOOOOOOOLE BATHROOM BECAME COVERED IN MITES!!!!
They fell through the vent in the ceiling and literallyyyy like every surface of the bathroom had near-microscopic mites crawling on it! the sink counter! The sink basin! the faucet! the mirror! the lights! the toilet seat! the toilet lid! the laundry hamper! the floor!
they were EVERYWHERE! it was disgusting omfg! and also kinda fascinating lmao but mostly disgusting!
so we taped a sheet of paper onto the vent to cover it, and that solved the problem until the birds left but omgggggggggggggggggggggg it was so disturbing lmao.
LMAO WTF A BIRD JUST FLEW INTO MY ROOOOOOM!!!!
i have a bigass hole in my window screen and i plug it by just shoving a blanket in it, but it wasn't fully plugging the hole just now.
i'd been watching a carolina wren that was perched on the umbrella on the deck underneath my window, and i had my face pressed like right up to the screen,
and then!
the wren flies right up to it! lands on the blanket! and then hops right into my room! and i just! stared at it in sheer awe! it was literally like 2 inches from my face!
and didn't want it to come fully into my room and start flying around and panicking, so i just looked at it and said!
"get out of here!"
and it flew away!
omg!
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!!!!! i have an adult violin student, and today she brought her lil daughter with her! and when she arrived she was all apologetic like, "i'm sorry, unfortunately i had to bring my daughter today, is it okay if she stays in the room with us?"
and im like!!!!!!!
OF COURSE!!!!! oh my god! yes! duh! why on earth would i not allow a lil itty bitty kid to be in the room with their mommy??
and it just! made me kinda sad to think about how ~stigmatized~ it is for people to bring their kids to places! and that's just so fucking insane to me! nobody should feel like they have to apologize for the fact that their child is with them! my god! you are a parent! you are taking care of your child! of course they're with you! just because it might sometimes be inconvenient or disruptive to other grownups doesn't mean you shouldn't do it! it just means that other grownups need to, ironically, grow the fuck up and accept the fact that their comfort or their ability to focus or their ability to enjoy theirself is not more important than a child's need to be with their parent!
anyway, the lil girl sat quietly on the floor and drew a picture, and everything was cool!
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