#and I've even been holding back
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Mr. Bingley is not Weak
A lot of people kind of hate Bingley, which I have discovered much to my surprise. I think Bingley has also suffered from the adaptations which, especially 2005, have made him into something of a himbo. But we are told Bingley is at least average intelligence: In understanding, Darcy was the superior. Bingley was by no means deficient; but Darcy was clever. (Ch 4)
Bingley is modest (a positive trait), but he is not weak. Darcy says this in his letter:
We accordingly went—and there I readily engaged in the office of pointing out to my friend the certain evils of such a choice. I described and enforced them earnestly. But however this remonstrance might have staggered or delayed his determination, I do not suppose that it would ultimately have prevented the marriage,
Pause here, Bingley does not care about all the reasons which have kept Darcy himself from acting on his admiration of a Bennet sister. This form of attack was useless, which means Bingley is not easily influenced by his friend...
had it not been seconded by the assurance, which I hesitated not in giving, of your sister’s indifference. He had before believed her to return his affection with sincere, if not with equal, regard. But Bingley has great natural modesty, with a stronger dependence on my judgment than on his own. To convince him, therefore, that he had deceived himself was no very difficult point. To persuade him against returning into Hertfordshire, when that conviction had been given, was scarcely the work of a moment.
The social context here is important, Bingley cannot ask if Jane likes him. You flirt and then you propose. That’s it. Bingley can only decide this from how Jane acts and he is modest. When he's told that Jane doesn't actually love him, he is humble enough to believe that it's possible.
Also, we know Jane is reserved, so Bingley not being entirely sure of her feelings is very possible and not a fault on either side. Jane is doing what she thinks is morally right, instead of flirting openly like Caroline with Darcy. A moral conduct book from the time would uphold Jane as an ideal.
Again, Bingley doesn't just do whatever his Caroline or Darcy say. Caroline can't convince Bingley to cancel the ball and Darcy's early dislike of the Bennets doesn't change Charles's opinion of them. I am pretty certain that Caroline alone could have done very little to make Charles forget Jane, it was only Darcy's report that he took seriously.
Why hate Bingley for this? It's refreshing! Darcy is the opposite of modest, he is so convinced that Elizabeth loves him even though she doesn't. His proposal is supremely arrogant. He expresses no real fear that he will be refused: As he said this she could easily see that he had no doubt of a favourable answer. He spoke of apprehension and anxiety, but his countenance expressed real security. Mr. Collins is also disgustingly self-assured. I would take Bingley’s modesty over either Collins or Darcy #1 any day of the week.
I think the Jane and Bingley relationship is meant to show the flaws in the conduct rules of the time, not flaws in the characters themselves. Jane acts properly, not like a coquette, and still suffers for it. Bingley is fairly sure of Jane’s genuine affection, but is convinced away from her because she doesn’t act like one would expect from a woman in love. They would have gotten along charmingly on their own, it was the world that was against them.
#bingley#Charles Bingley#pride and prejudice#jane austen#probably too much blogging today#and I've even been holding back#putting stuff in the queue and whatnot#whatever this needs to be out#jane bennet#mr. darcy
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Something that I've noticed ever since the Smiling Critters were introduced is that they can so easily be paired off into complementary duos, ones that are specifically designed to teach children fundamental lessons about life and self-care from two different angles. It's really interesting to me.
Like obviously you have Dogday and Catnap, with their sun/moon, dog/cat dichotomy, that stress how important it is to have fun and get things done during the day, but also that it's important to wind down, relax, and get a good night's sleep.
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Bubba Bubbaphant and Craftycorn were introduced as a duo in the Smiling Critter show's intro, and their dichotomy is quite obvious. They are basically the right and left sides of the brain personified. Bubba is the left side of the brain, logical, analytical, focused on math and science. Craftycorn is the right side of the brain, creative and imaginative, focused on the arts and self-expression. They represent learning and academia in all its forms, the different ways people engage with and understand the world.
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Hoppy Hopscotch and Kickin' Chicken form the sportsmanship duo. They are both portrayed as enjoying sports and the outdoors, but in different ways that highlight the different ways sports can be played and enjoyed and also what it entails to be successful at them. Hoppy Hopscotch may be loud and impatient, but she is also a team player, shown in her willingness to slow down her fast pace to make sure none of her friends are left behind. Kickin' Chicken, on the other hand, is laid-back, relaxed, and chill, the described "cool kid" of the group, but he's also described as having a ton of perseverance, more of a "slow and steady wins the race" type of person.
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This leaves Bobby Bearhug and Picky Piggy as the last pair. Fittingly, these two are all about how to meet the fundamental needs of yourself and others. Bobby teaches children how to nourish themselves emotionally through showing and receiving care from others, while Picky teaches them how good food is important to nourish the body and soul. Depriving oneself of either of these things only makes oneself and therefore everyone around one miserable, because those fundamental needs are no longer being met.
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Like fr, this is some pretty genius marketing right here. You have enough characters that every kid will have their favorite, but not so many that any would get lost in the shuffle, because the lessons each one of them would teach would be integral to the group as a whole. It really makes me that much sadder we saw basically nothing of the Smiling Critters during the game itself, because Mob Games struck gold with this concept, only to ultimately do nothing with it. :/
But I guess that's what fandom is for, eh?
#poppy playtime#poppy playtime chapter 3#smiling critters#dogday#catnap#picky piggy#kickin chicken#hoppy hopscotch#bobby bearhug#craftycorn#bubba bubbaphant#xi writes#tbh that 'slow and steady wins the race' comment makes me really wish Kickin' Chicken was a turtle instead#just to drive home that parallel even further#ngl i've been thinking about making this post for ages but i finally got off my butt and did it#me holding the Smiling Critters like Marge Simpson holding a potato: I just think they're neat!#it'd be a shame if the game company that came up with them never DID anything with them HUH MOB GAMES?#mob games don't walk away from me#MOB GAMES GET BACK HERE I HAVE THOUGHTS-
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Creative Hubris takes another unsuspecting victim.
#non mdzs#It's not even that many pages and I'm getting my ass kicked!#As much as I have been clawing at the walls - I have learned so much! This project pushed me more than I thought it would#I am so excited to share what I've made. I think its actually some of the best work I've ever done.#but I really do feel like I've stumbled back into the room covered in blood and holding a smoothie.#The issue being: at some point the sunken cost fallacy kicks in and you go:#'well I might as well put in extra polish since I've spent so much time on this already'#That's your EVIL BRAIN talking to you who wants you to live in EVIL COMICS LIMBO.#Sorry to my followers who miss the mdzs comics. I went mad at sea for a month and all I brought back was a short comic.#Posting my silly side doodles to bide me time as I continue to drink the sea water.#Set me free into the plains where the horses roam and I will be able to heal <3
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MASSIVE SPOILER for one of the endings.
it's been a while since i tried looking, but i did hear that something like this happens last year and over time started to think, "was it a fluke?" bc no one posted footage or caps of it then, and i aimed for a completionist run in my first playthrough. turns out it's real! and definitely shines a new light on a character that, for most other types of playthroughs, will not give this much emotion! EDIT: transcript now included, and some stillshots under the cut
[0:28]
Marie: Henry, this is the man who kept you from doing the right thing tonight. Kill him.
[0:15]
Forrest: Henry, you don’t have to do this. If you’ve not killed anyone yet, there’s still time to make the right decision.
[0:05]
Out of shot: (Gunshots) Henderson Police! Freeze!
Marie: No! Henry, get out of there!
#killer frequency#henry barrow#these hands………#so yes MORE spoilers and further commentary ahead here in the tags:#yes this is a fairly tragic ending if you already know how to get it. but again TERRIFIC VOICE ACTING BEFOREHAND AND AFTER.#feel free to reply in post if you want to ask about that part.#i didn't include that in the vid bc it's so visceral and raw but i love their performances. that shit hit hard dang.#but i want to ask anyone if their perspective on henry changes after seeing this? mine does tbh. i didn't expect a possible show of remorse#like at most hesitation! but bc of the context of forrest's dialogue- does it lean into remorse? a large definite shift in his mind!#even if he Has killed already then he's still taking forrest's words to heart and reconsidering everything which DAMN-#-my videogamey headcanon of forrest's character stats showing his Persuasion and Charm MAXED OUT is pulling tf through here!!#also can anyone reply re: would forrest's dialogue change but he still survives if henry kills maurice or murphy? or would forrest die?#and if the devs Actually gave henry other official kills in the game but didn't disclose them in the narrative- then is this the test?#like if henry kills AT ALL in game even though the player isn't privy to knowing which victims are his then is this ending unattainable?#also placing this scene/character moment behind THIS ENDING SPECIFICALLY heck that's cold. dang fellas.#going to eventually pull out a hc i've been holding back for a long time in a later post and i'll mention this scene again then-#-but this part in particular as well as another “easter egg” has really put more fuel to it
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For a moment there, I had this feeling that this world's balance of beauty had tilted to one side. A nonsensical amount of cheering erupted out all around us next.
"Oh, ooooh! Dear Zhu Bajie-nim!"
For sure, calling a face like that 'Yogoe' didn't seem all that out of place. Because well, it was inconceivable that a normal human would be blessed with such looks, after all.
Eyebrows seemingly drawn by a single, uninterrupted stroke of a famed artist's brush; a nose and a chin shaped in perfect angles that defied attempts to measure them through mere devices of men; a pair of deep eyes seemingly carved out of a beautiful jewel containing all the misfortunes found in this world.
If someone saw those features and not get immediately drawn in by them, then there must be something wrong with that person.
Yes Dokja, Joonghyuk is the most beautiful person to ever exist. Yes Dokja, you've told us before.
You've told us many times before.
Oh? This time he's got his vest half-unbuttoned? He's wearing a nice pair of black jeans? Zeroed in on that right away, did you?
Mmmhmm
Listen, we get it, Dokja. You're super big gay for Yoo Joonghyuk. He doesn't even have to wear the black Chinese dress with black garter belt and if he ever did your heart would probably go flying out of your chest and you'd gasp and curl in on yourself and die right there on the spot.
.
.
So much for these guys letting Dokja relax.
#orv#orv spoilers#orv liveblog#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv novel chapter 428#joongdok#dokjoong#kdj#yjh#dokja I’ve been holding myself back#really I have#I’ve been trying to stay impartial and not get TOO shippy with these liveblog posts#believe me I could be SO MUCH WORSE#you don't even know how FAST I could flip and start pumping out 24/7 nonstop ship posts#I've been good#I've let quite a few VERY QUESTIONABLE things slide by without comment#but you have been *testing* me
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the dream smp journey: attempting to make the lore of the dream smp more accessible.
so back when i first wanted to get into the dream smp i had absolutely no idea where to start. i asked some people and they told me pretty much “look up dream smp + [insert youtuber name] and start there” and so i did, but i quickly came to realize how much i was missing from the story by not seeing all the different points of view.
so i decided to make my own playlist.
it was just for myself at first, but as i got more obsessed with the story, i also gave the link to some friends of mine so they could have the full experience, and they loved it. so i kept updating it.
my goal was to try and make a capsule of the entirety of the lore on the dream smp across almost every single POV, because while i do appreciate those who make recap videos, they always miss something and it’s usually with peoples’ POV who aren’t considered to be “main characters” which sucks because one of my favorite things about the dream smp was how everyone was their own main character with their own individual storyline you could get invested in.
i’ve seen every single video in the playlist, and did my absolute best to discern what should be included and what didn’t need to be.
for instance, while i personally enjoyed streams where they’d just goof off, this is a lore-centric playist so i didn’t include all of them unless one of the jokes or such gets mentioned/becomes important later on. or if there is a lore event happening but two people have almost identical streams to one another then i decided between the two of them which one to keep. or if the cc themself made an edited version of their experience, i would decide whether to go with that or keep the original vod
it’s far from perfect. i tried to keep up with it as long as i could I STILL HAVE VIDEOS IN MY WATCH LATER THAT I PLANNED TO ADD but simply put while the dream smp storyline got longer and longer it became harder to keep up with. i watched pretty much all the streams when they happened but failed to update the playlist accordingly so right now it has almost everything up until ”Hitting on 16.”
i always wanted to finish it before i posted it, but i’ve been seeing people talk about how they miss the experience of watching the dream smp and while i obviously can’t provide the full interactive experience that the dream smp offered as it came out, i knew i couldn’t just keep this in my back pocket and thought i could at least offer a good chunk of the experience for you guys to still be able to keep!
here’s the playlist, spanning over 300 videos.
there’s also a semi-canon playlist (not nearly as thorough) for events that get mentioned by the cc’s a lot or are just cool to have and i wanted to include them somewhere so here it is also!!
to go along with it i also made a masterpost (can you tell i love making lists) which is what every single video on the playlist is supposed to be (and was last i checked, but videos get taken down every so often so there might be a couple missing here and there).
i hope to update this one day and have it fully finished, but with my schedule (full-time college student babyyyy) and simply the hundreds of hours of content i’d need to sift through it just seems impossible (and frankly just really intimidating) to challenge alone right now. so i also wanted to give this to the community to maybe be able to do what i couldn’t!
my hope with this is that if someone in a year or two (or whenever really) is interested in the dream smp they won’t have to sit through recap videos and instead can watch the real thing in a single playlist connected to the doc. my dream is for the masterpost and the playlist to go hand-in-hand, being like a guide people can follow that would also link to other moments and lore that is saved but just not avaliable on youtube, so we don’t have all these moments just lost to time.
i want to make this collaborative, i’m hoping this will maybe spark others to share what videos/moments they have saved and stored with each other for the dream smp and maybe together we could complete this thing somehow!! make the playlist and masterpost i dreamed of (the one right now is scuffed, but at least it’s something). the dream smp is one of my absolute favorite pieces of media out there and i want to share this with people but (as you can probably tell) i have no idea what i’m doing!! any step to help make the story more readily accessible is a good one, though!
i know i’ve missed things but i’ve done my best. and while not the perfectly polished thing i hoped it would be when i sent it out to the world maybe it could be a good building block for the community to use. so please share this!! reblog it!! all that jazz!! i want this to be for everyone!!
anyways, this is a long post. but the whole reason i got into the dream smp in the first place was because of the awesome fan content i saw and this crazy and creative community and i want to be able to give back, if i can.
#dream smp#the dream smp journey#dream smp lore#mcyt#tommyinnit#jack manifold#c!tommy#c!jack#(sorry jack and tommy gotta use you to cross-tag)#(is it even crosstagging if they're IN the playlist?.... lot to think about)#i really wanted to add more to this#my goal was to catch up on all the videos and then go back and transcribe each one (or link pre-existing transcriptions)#and then add content warnings if need be#i had this idea too where say you just finished up the nov.16th lore after that it would be cool to link you to sad-ist's animation!!#just things like that! i had a lot of things i was thinking about#anyways thanks for reading my c!jack analysis posts throughout all this time now you may have my massive lore bank i've been holding onto#cheers!!!#rambling rocks#like.. holy shit#will this even turn into anything? i don't know. i hope so#i want to come back to this and give it the TLC it deserves#but until i find the time + motivation for that i didn't want to keep it just to myself#i just hope this is a good step towards making the dream smp story more accessible to people#pebble post
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i give up on trying to redo this i'm gonna use my flop photos but by god if i'm not going to try to make this look exactly like it would have in september 2014. hardcore emojipedia research
#this is for One picture in the next story post and it's super insignificant and will take up like 2% of the screen. just let it be!!!!#it's been holding me back so much and for what#ANYWAY. malcolm wiped his instagram after he got his nose job#remember around that time when all the influencers who'd clearly had recent plastic surgery were like huh??? i've NEVER had plastic surgery#that's what's going on. yes even with the nose bandage. he's saying he had a deviated septum from an injury. ok.#this is the fall: extras
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The binding of Mabel has Begun.
#I've printed half of the signatures of the first book.#it will be fourteen in total which i think is the biggest book I've bound?#worries me a little because i may have to round it which i don't really want to do.#don't love the paper I'm using but I need to use it up and I'd rather do it on something I'm not selling#i still have no idea what I'm doing for the cover. haven't even decided on how I'm going to bind it.#i was really hoping the inspiration would have struck me at this point but no luck#i want the two volumes to match but i don't want them to be the same#i think I'm going to hold off on the second book in case we do ever get another season#two volumes the same size will look nicer. and be easier.#been out of the book binding groove for a while so it's nice to ease back into it#even if formatting was HELL i don't know how you fic binders do it#bookbinding#mabel podcast
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i will never stop bitching about the softening fandomification of gale and yes a big part of this is that through an odd sequence of events i ended up romancing him on my betray-the-grove playthrough and became very invested in the narrative of tragic moral failures that i constructed from that
but also it's that, if you want the Devoted Good Guy True Love Domestic Fluff... Wyll is right there.
#i haven't even openly complained about the amount of fatherhood/pregnant tav stuff that's out there#you guys have no idea how much i've been holding back#shoutout to the sickos in my groupchat who are REALLY fielding the brunt of my haterism#might delete this post we'll see
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PLEASE talk about xoxo droplets omg. im no thoughts head empty rn but tbh just i wanna hear every opinion you have about it,, i love when people share my Extremely Unknown Special Interest
Every time I think about how to explain the main characters to someone unfamiliar with them I can get through Everett and Shiloh just fine, normal short synopses, but THEN. NATE LAWSON. TRAPS ME FOR HOURS. Nate isn't even my favorite but I'm obsessed with him oh my god. This is gonna have spoilers for his route btw hold on
Like. I met him, and thought, in a true JB fashion, hot damn. He, he's easily the most attractive of the bunch to me shrsvhddh (Everett has so many qualities I love on paper but in practice. It's Nate he's the most handsome) Then I started to observe why he's in the Unfriendable Group and deducted that he's got a stick the size of a log up his ass. Simple enough. But WAIT THERE'S MORE
I started his route PURELY because he was hot shhddvhgd even though I disliked him hard after my first playthrough. (Shiloh. I didn't believe the warnings. F in the chat bois.) He's not JUST a stickler to the rules nooooooo he's a PERFECTIONIST. And a SUPERHUMAN. But HE doesn't see it like that nooooo he thinks he's just the only one who puts in any effort at all. People keep telling him his standards are unreachable but ~obviously~ they're not. If he can do it, so can everyone else! They're just not trying hard enough! And he doesn't try to be perfect, no, that's impossible. He just wants to be the best he can!
But it's never enough. There's always room for improvement, after all. Nate could get a perfect score on a test and still be dissatisfied, because he could have elaborated on that point in his essay more, or his handwriting got too close to the marginalia on one line and that is unprofessional, or he thought on that one multi-choice question longer than he should have if he studied adequately, etc, etc.
And because of this he's constantly stressed the FUCK out. He volunteers when something needs to be done, he helps out teachers, he takes it upon himself to make sure everyone else is ALSO acting properly, he puts at LEAST 100% into EVERYTHING he does, and there's always more to do. He has a part-time job at a warehouse as well and while the physical labor can offer a bit of a break for his brain, you can bet your ASS he doesn't stop for ONE second or stay on his break a MINUTE too long. How the hell does he live like this?
Well. What other choice is there? Things need to be done. They need to be done well. And obviously Nate knows the importance of rest to your health and performance, so he certainly eats and sleeps properly, but see these things are also scheduled and measured and optimized for maximum efficiency. But does he get REST, for REAL? Does he RELAX?
Yes, because he's best friends and roomies (the room is spotless At All Times) with Everett "2kool4skool" Gray (who would shoot me point blank for saying something so uncool about him). I Could write another essay on their dynamic but let's just say they balance each other out. Nate gives Everett direction, Everett gives Nate respite. Phew.
But I'm not done. MORE MORE MORE. Because I started talking about my personal relationship to Nate but got sidetracked by character analysis dghfsfh THE THING IS I disliked him heavily even some time after starting his route, and all the characters absolutely SHINE on their dates. But then. The unthinkable happened.
The class trip.
Now of course I already knew Nate was extremely high strung all of the time, but until that point I'd seen it either as an annoyance or a joke. But the class trip was, like, a disaster to Nate. He's spending more time with the group outside strictly defined areas and activities and therefore feels responsibility over their behavior. Obviously a new environment with new activities gives everyone more opportunities to act up. They have a schedule, but it's not in Nate's control, and he can't help seeing himself as like a vice advisor, and nothing goes exactly as planned or at ALL as planned, and everyone's doing it on PURPOSE his life is already hell and they're doing it to SPITE him or maybe they're just completely unfit to the title of human being that's been forced on these demons, and this is STILL SCHOOL they're still bound by school rules and they should LEARN things here and GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT for HEAVENS sake,
So it's no wonder he breaks down. And it was, it was fucking terrible. Nate's stress and anxiety present as anger most of the time, I didn't... I didn't see him as the type who would cry. Kind of figured Nate was one of those boys who didn't remember the last time they cried but guessed it was somewhere around fourth grade? Heartless of me. I really thought he was like. Pardon the expression. Above such vulnerability.
Of course he's not. He's a person, and a highly sensitive one at that. I guess I hadn't noticed it over what a hardass he is;;; And y'all I felt SO bad. And so awkward. Like. What the fuck do you do in that situation? This wasn't supposed to happen. It felt like we were breaking the script somehow. Like. "I'm not supposed to see this. Why am I seeing this? Do I need to? Fucking christ. Is this allowed? When can I leave. Uh. There there? Can't even pat him on the shoulder. Jesus just kill me"
And that scene changed everything. Nate cried in front of the MC and I could never see him in the same light again. I used to think he was kinda just a tough yet guarded guy and a demanding ass but oh wow he's actually just like. This dude has anxiety. This dude has problems. He's burning out at light speed and has been for the past what? Eight years?? Get him HELP.
And I HAVEN'T EVEN TOUCHED ON HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS YET. So they're the type who saw having children as just a step that responsible adults take at some point in their lives, and they were not prepared. And Nate was a difficult child too. Not on purpose, obviously, babies don't do anything on purpose, but he was particularity emotional even as a baby. He's just Like That. So his parents ehm eeeurgh tolerated him for a few years. Just kind of. Pushed through it. And then decided to give up and send him to a boarding school. Like they basically abandoned him there because they couldn't handle him.
And Nate is on hard denial about this. He tells himself it was the reasonable choice and the best for everyone, and he's not wrong, but he's also not ready to face the fact that uh. His parents very much just are not good at parenting and they don't actually know each other at all. "I respect them and they respect me" is how he puts it, and again it's not wrong but also christ he was not truly loved as a child and still isn't. Mommy and daddy hear that his grades are top of the class and he's very mature and responsible and respected by staff and students alike, and they're proud of him, but they do NOT know who he is as a person or how fucking terrible he's actually doing.
Not that Nate admits any of that himself. I can see how it would be difficult to face when you're already juggling fifty glass balls on a glass platter while riding a unicycle on hard stone floor.
Why is NATE is the one I give a private Ted Talk on regularly when none of the jerks are doing much better. He's just for fucks sake he, he's doing so bad. So bad. Maybe it's the incredibly harsh wakeup call I got? I cannot overstate how impactful that one scene was. HE CRIED. HE CRIED IN FRONT OF ANOTHER PERSON? HE BROKE DOWN?? NATE LAWSON HAS WEAKNESSES??? LIKE HE WASN'T JUST DOING ALL THAT FOR THE SAKE OF OBLIGATION OR TO LOOK GOOD ON A RESUME? HE'S REALLY THAT CRUSHED? I wasn't supposed to be there. I know it's a scripted event but I wasn't supposed to see that it feels not allowed. Are you still there? Thank you for reading go to sleep
#asks#andimhome#xoxo droplets#nate lawson#I'm insane. I'm crazy I'm craaazyyyy. asylum#you should imagine me from above through a fish eye lense as I'm typing this#I'm not going to proofread it sorry if my keyboard made it incomprehensible at times#I'll come back to fix it hold up on reblogging until then 👍#(because everyone is totally going to reblog this yes. my words are irresistible)#thank you for this I've been dying to talk about nate Lawson. this time actually#edit i came back and fixed it. wasn't even bad!! i did so well this i deserve a 4 out of 5 at least#jb moment. kinda wish i was still in school so i could get this graded asadgsdg#did so well this TIME* in the earlier tag#christ. i did so well this time
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i relate to peter parker because i’ve had six crushes this year alone
damn son save some for the rest of us!!
#sci speaks#i think i've only ever had one crush in my life. wilding. i wish i fell in love easier. it feels wonderful.#oh the people with hyperactive hearts...#i wish i had felt this way at some point when i was younger. it kind of felt like my heart wasn't fully developed yet.#holds my heart in my hands. why were you such a late bloomer. why didn't you feel more things earlier on.#i'm kind of sad that i didn't have teenage crushes or anything. i feel like i missed out.#is it because nobody around me was appealing. or is it because i was too busy on my own planet.#i think i wasn't really close with a lot of people when i was younger. i kind of never came out of my shell.#so nobody got close enough to me for me to like them.#not that it's necessarily how it works. but it takes a lot for me to get there with somebody i think.#i think a lot of the relationships i've been in i'm still To This Day not even sure if i actually liked them back in that way.#squeezes my heart in my hand. why are you so fussy.#i wish i had more experiences under my belt. i really do. but also i don't want to be in situations that are uncomfortable either.#and i don't want to just be there for the sake of it.#lies on the floor and stares at the ceiling. i don't know what i want.#is love the answer?#i don't know. sometimes i want it more than anything. but it's such a ball-ache to get. sometimes you think you're better off without it.#i wish i knew what i wanted. i think i just want to be brave enough to find out.#why do i ramble so much in my tags. it's like tumblr is my therapist or something.#i'm feeling weird about myself lately. just kind of a little tired. i don't feel bad. but kind of perpetually low-energy.#like i never have the time to do things that make me happy. and when i do get the time i don't have the energy.#is this what it's like to live in this world. i need like. a year's break from work. i think.#i need like a year-long vacation. i need a gap year. i need a year to live life.#i wonder if it's financially viable. i think i'd eat through everything i have if i did that. but.#you can get money back. you can't get your time back.
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@justonemorechapternicercy, happy birthday my love! ♡
BONUS:
#I've been so excited to give you more of this au and I've had to hold myself back for so long BUT NO MORE!!!!#i hope you have a lovely time even if you still have a cold 🥺🥺🥺#i love you very much 🥰🥰🥰#percico#percy jackson#nevi#myedits#twitter AUs#texts
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hey fellow chronic pain sufferers/people with joint issues, have any of you found something that helps with pain while standing? like in lines and on public transport and stuff?
I can't stand for more than about 2 minutes at a time without my whole spine, along with my hip and knee joints, starting to seize up and if I have to stand longer than about 5 minutes I will end up on the verge of tears tbh but I can't always find a seat and people are assholes about giving up a seat for you when you "look healthy". I can usually just about keep it together until I can find somewhere to sit, but it always fucks up my whole day with pain flare ups while sitting or walking to the bathroom etc. which I normally don't struggle with. I'm on a waiting list for a physio appointment to try figure out if/how I can strengthen the muscles etc. but if y'all have any advice in the meantime please help
#chronic pain#hypermobility#advice please#idk I've been thinking about looking into mobility aids or sth but I have no clue what would even help#and I don't think my pain really gets bad enough for me to feel comfortable with a chair but maybe that some internalised ablism on my part#but i can't keep having my commute fuck up my whole day with pain it's unsustainable#I've asked people in my life and they've just done the whole “oh that's a normal part of getting older your body just stops working as well#but like I'm 25#this can't possibly be a normal level of pain from just standing still for a few minutes#i refuse to believe everyone else is also holding back literal tears of pain on the regular
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THE LOVES OF MY LIFE OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it's been so long since I've rly felt love bursting in my chest for any F/Os and I am feeling so so so so much for my girlboss girlfriend and my horsegirl boyfriend 😭😭😭💖💞💓💓💗💖💕💕💕💟💝
Her smile!!! god!!!! HIS smile!!!! god!!! these two are fucking saving my life I can't believe how much these characters are helping me get through the worst time of my life. THESE TWO are helping me get back into self shipping and helping me feel safe again when I really thought I'd never ever recover. I'm collecting screenshots of these characters and sighing with hearts in my eyes every time... I haven't done that in over a year... I'm making gifsets and writing fics and doodling again... it's all because of them and I'm such a weepy mess over it
#love notes#💕♫♪ ♡ You're the pink in my cheeks 🎀🌸✨♡#💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́-#every time i make a love notes post with them i get teary eyed and um this isnt an exception 😭😭#theyre making me so happy and i havent felt this way in so long#im fucking happy you guys... god i havent felt. joy. with any F/Os in so so so so long!!!!!#self shipping is like. the core part of me. its all i've got and i went so long without it. that piece of me I NEED#fuck i finally found two F/Os who i know love me no matter what#and they're holding my hands telling me they'll never ever hurt me. wouldnt dream it. couldnt even fathom it#and slowly but surely i HOPE i will get back into self shipping just in general especially for transformers#but god. god!!!! god!!! i owe them my life!!!!#i couldnt fucking take it anymore i was falling so far and they!!!! are here!!!! in my heart!!!!#i was doing so fucking badly i was about to give up and they just. this movie comes out and im suddenly hopeful??#pinkest movie of all time barbie rly said keri fuck your ptsd fuck your abuser youre getting better#and youll love pink again and youre gonna be okay and im like yes maam whatever u say maam#god 😭😭 sorry i know i talk abt them a lot but its been so long#and i know i keep repeating! that its been so long! i know i dont shut up about how im hurting! but!#i cant! describe how overwhelmed i feel! its like a part of me that was dead for a year is slowly coming back to life#and the fucking relief... i am just awash with tears
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If there's one thing I like more than time travel it's crossover reincarnation, so.
Botk link reincarnated as Damian Wayne.
An incredible weapon master of all types, but especially prodigious with a sword - he was beating knights at the age of 4 and with his memories as intact as they get for him I can see that goalpost moving even further (probably with traps and tricks, a 3yo doesn't exactly have great bodily control).
He's an excellent survivalist, agile, strong, durable, cunning and creative. He can move like a feather in the breeze, strike from behind with ease. His first kill, an animal, did not stir him as it did the other children. With his poise, grace, skills, obedience, he ought to be ra'as' finest assassin in the making, a jewel in the crown of the league.
Except he never speaks a word. Half his targets escape unscathed. He skates by true punishment on the merit of his skills and achievements in other missions. Testing has shown it is not a physical deformity that prevents his speech, but not even talia has been able to coaxe a word from him past his second birthday.
It is a defect ra'as is growing more and more frustrated by, as each attempt to fix these two final flaws ends in resounding failure. Less extreme solutions are running dry.
Talia fears those solutions. Her child does too, she knows. For them, there is a possible solution, more extreme than anything ra'as would tolerate.
She sends him out of the league. To his father.
To Gotham.
#'gee phoenix that sure sounds like that dp x dc you're normally rattling on about' yeah lol I steal tropes and sell them on the black market#Anyway this has been slowly rotisserie-ing in my head for a while I just like shaking canon like a magic 8 ball#I'd love to explore how link would react to Gotham and how he might see getting suddenly dumped in a found family as the youngest#And how that contrasts with both his expectations in the league and his role as the saviour last hope of a whole country#Because that kid cannot have a modern interpretation of killing. Like monsters? Kill with prejudice loot the corpses.#The yiga might have a little more hindsight understanding and he never killed them anyway but zero hesitation blowing them up#And ganon is so far removed from the concept of 'killing is bad' because a) human??? Monster??? B) literally the problem#C) he's been killing people so it'd even out d) everyone wants him dead So Bad e) been killed already like a dozen times what's one more#I get the feeling he'd assign the same role to the joker like 'widely considered the source of all evil. 'died' several times and came back#personal source of absolute misery for several heroes. Killed many' = slay the monster. Straightforward.#Like yes link always chooses kindness and has a strong morality and Opinion on killing people it's just a lot would be solved#By hitting the joker until he stopped making life miserable for everyone and if that means permanently well that's kind of link's job.#And like with Jason the bats understand that a lot better than they pretend to. But that is a 10yo who should not be thinking like that.#I think it'd be interesting to see how that'd change their reactions to 'Damian'. Like he holds a very similar opinion to og and Jason he#Just goes about it completely differently.#And I'd love to explore the differences between two fictional worlds and how they can go from pretty much the most black/white morality#To probably one of the greyest areas while still holding near identical themes and methods of dealing with that.#Found family compassion as a weapon against evil and copious amounts of weapons and cool gear lol#Also link should keep the arm he's earned it. Reincarnating with all his memories knocked a few other things loose I'd imagine#Mostly because all the loz games I've played have absolutely altered the way I view any link and also I love referencing them.#Damian with telekinesis and infinite glue would be great. A tiny 10yo sword master choosing instead to drop a dumpster on you#In between hurt comfort link beginning to bond with his family and begin to speak and learn sign language from cass#There's also the sound of explosives and a small figure clinging to a flying door as it crosses the Gotham night skies#Speaking of cass I bet her and link would be great friends in this au.#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#loz au#Loz#loz totk
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It always seems like such a good idea in the moment (Patreon)
The first four are in reference to a great idea I had of - since I’ve finished my lower-limit page number testing for making books; shorter fics take up less page space, and just increasing the font size isn’t as handsome! - simply making a mini book! All it would take would be to halve the pages again, right? Just cut them right down the middle! Easy peasy!
As I’m sure you can tell by the second, no. Not easy peasy. Difficult painful un-fun >:(
Obviously I still did it tho! What do you take me for, someone who could have the idea of an even tinier book and then not do something about it?? No
It’s also the only one so far to have a paper bookmark rather than a ribbon!
All told it’s a bit smaller than your average manga (I love the monochrome covers on these under their dust jackets haha <3) - you can see even with effectively doubling up the pages by halving their size, it was still very small-spined!
A quick shot while it was still being made hehe ♪ It’s Out! Paired here - and the earlier one, just without its dust jacket haha - with my Zarla SC2 collection (ft. Family, Negotiations are Going...Well, and With No Obligation) - I absolutely kicked myself after the fact for not including Out as the run-up to everything, I was really trying to make a full collection in probably-chronological order! Out would’ve been a perfect start! And it only would’ve taken like four pages!!
Ah well, it was still quite a learning experience - I probably wouldn’t make another standalone of under 4k-ish just for formatting reasons but I did get some good ideas of how to do so if I wanted to! Although, my next project is going to be even more of a formatting nightmare........I’ll get there when I get there! Lol
#Doodles#The impulsive thoughts are always the funnest! But then it's all a matter of actually putting them into reality...#Ahh well like I said under the cut it was a learning experience! And I really wanted a physical copy of Out haha ♪#I don't think I've ever mentioned it - not even in my pre-fic notes :0 - but Out was another one of my inspirations for Drinking Game#I mean - the drinking lol obviously but I hadn't considered what VUX drinking would be like before reading it :)#I wanted to pair it with both physical copies hehe ♫ I'm happy I attempted it! And I have a better foundation to build on in the future!#I ended up using the scrap leftover from making such a small cover as the bookmark haha - and I picked the covers so they'd almost-match :)#They go together! But not quite! Just enough!#The sting of creation has worn off - it's actually been a while since I've made a quick book! - so the itch is starting to come back haha#Well - almost lol - the formatting is still........but I do want to do it! Especially now that I've got a hand-in-hand hobby to go with it#All that later ♪ For now snakes!#And also spiders I am also the same when spiders#I've been escorting a lot of spiders outside lately and pretty much all of them fall under the moniker of ''darling'' to me lol#Still no luck on finding a jumping spider :( But I also haven't got an enclosure set up yet either#There's this one booth that always has such adorable and pretty jumping spider enclosures ahhh I might have to break and get one someday#Same place where I got to hold the snake in fact! :D She was a love <3 Beautiful full-grown female cornsnake if memory serves#She was rather wiggly - she was tired and fussy and didn't feel like being handled by a stranger but she was so polite about it#A real delight to handle <3 And I got to see her babies! So cute and tiny!#The rest is more SCII fic stuff haha ♪ Rereading the Pirate fic was a lot of fun :) Intentionally avoiding Vargas fic(s) does make me a bit#Well I really like Vargas still lol it is candy to my brain so any gesture even remotely in that direction is very exciting haha#I'm perfectly happy with the rest for now tho! I have plenty of things to read and make! >:3c#Heck there's still a SCII fic I haven't read yet that I want to!! I just have to get all my previous SCII thoughts out of my head first haha#I will tho >:3c Always always ♪♫#SCII
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