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icanseethefuture333 · 5 months

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Celestial alignment: Pick a pattern in the sky

Messages to realign you with your soul path

Pile 1:

Shufflemancy -

Replay by Lady Gaga

JMK by Sango ft. Xavier Omar

Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine

Ten of Wands, Eight of Cups, The Magician, The World, & Three of Cups

There is a call for you to let go of thoughts that are holding you back. There is something about repetition here that is preventing you from progressing into the next chapter of your life. You could be taking on the burdens of other people as a way to help them. Your guides are urging you to please stop. You are constantly making sacrifices for others when they aren't doing this for you. Your lesson right now is to focus on making yourself the top priority. You are always putting yourself on the back burner. Some people here take care of their family members or work in the medical field. It's understandable to be worried and to care for your loved ones or other people, but who's be concerned about you? Who is making sure that you are alright or have what you need? If nobody is there for you, then you have to be there for yourself. Start making goals or a list of things you wish to accomplish. You need to realize you are worthy and deserving of what you desire, start dreaming again, pile 1. The universe is waiting and ready for your call and demand. Once you have faith in yourself, the universe will be ready to make your dreams come true. A journey of peace, abundance, and celebrations will be coming your way soon.

Summary:

Change your thoughts & way of thinking.

Practice mindfulness & work on releasing limiting beliefs.

Learn how to include self care in your daily routine

Set boundaries

Think about what your goals or dream are

Make a list or a vision board

Research information on manifestation or spirituality that aligns with your beliefs

Pile 2:

Shufflemancy -

Bruises by Kelela

Brain by Mariah the Scientist

Omega by SAAY

Seven of Wands, King of Wands, Wheel of Fortune, The Aeon (Judgement), & Nine of Pentacles

This pile gave me goosebumps when shuffling - You have a very intense aura and strong presence, pile 2! Something about having to "fight" or the "brain" being significant. I'm reminded of this wounded emoji: 🤕. You could suffer from past trauma or have a mental disorder. I had to rewrite for this pile because it didn't save and I felt so frustrated having to write for this pile again, but it made me realize that this is possibly how you feel in life. You are constantly having to work with difficult circumstances without seeing any progress of the outcome. There were a lot of struggles that you had overcome and I am reminded of movie The Truman Show. His entire life was just programmed for him and he was forced to live a life he didn't want for the entertainment of others just so they could have a TV Show to watch. So I feel like people found joy in your misfortune and suffering, which I am terribly sorry for. The thing is though that was in the past and you don't have to deal with these people anymore. You don't have to pretend to be this character that obviously doesn't resonate with you. You can create an entirely new life, new self concept, new everything for yourself. Think of who you want to be as an individual, not what other people have labeled you as or want you to be. You have to start realizing that you are free to do as you please. Life can be like a simulation and we could all be considered avatars, but we don't realize is that we are able to customize our reality in anyway we wish. You have the inner strength and passion but you are just stuck in this survival mode that is not serving you anymore. It is time for you to move on and your spirit guides are being stern with me right now but they're saying "take this shit seriously". If you have a dream or goal you know you wanna do, take action and stop complaining. Stop with the excuses, the self pity, and the martyr complex. Once you start asking the universe for help is when you can start to achieve your dreams. "It's like clockwork". I am seeing that you feel that you're running out of time in life to accomplish your goals but I am reminded of Maddy from Euphoria when she said "Don't worry, this is only just the beginning". Your "shift" or soul purpose has only just begun and time is ticking for real now. I am getting a vision of someone holding a bright lantern in a dark cave and they are like making a come hither motion with their hands. So I believe this is the universe and your guides saying if you need guidance and you are unsure what to do or where to go or how to even begin the project you wish to work on - Ask them. Once you start asking the universe for help shit is going to change in your life dramatically because your purpose is very significant and it is going to be for the better of society but you have to stop being in your ego and acting stubborn because it is not helping you or anyone else for that matter. I'm not saying you have to be some sort of holy messiah or the rebirth of Jesus Christ himself, but you are going to be someone who will make a difference in this world. As you embark on this journey, it is crucial that you pay attention to the signs the universe or spirit gives you. It is okay if you make mistakes but you have to be careful and aware of people or vices that will sabotage you in the end. So listen to your intuition and notice those gut feelings. I feel like people will be giving you your flowers in the future, that could mean you will be someone who has a certain level of status, or this means people will show appreciation or gratitude for your benevolence and charity. You have this gift or tool that the universe has blessed you with and you have to utilize it for the good will of others.

This is a powerful message I channeled from spirit: "Others who have begun early are merely the matches that were chosen out of indulgence, for candles & waxes, the faster they burn, the quicker their ashes will fall. The last one to be picked, is the match that is the resource for those in need of hope and warmth when faced with the darkness."

Summary:

Use your intuition

Release the version of yourself that is no longer serving you

Embrace change & endings

The end of a chapter means a new beginning

Rely on your inner strength & wisdom

Ask for guidance

Focus on what it is meant for you

"All that glitters isn't gold"

Pile 3:

Shufflemancy -

Lemon by N.E.R.D ft. Rihanna

Starface* by Jean Dawson

Screen Time by Epik High ft. HOSHI

The Tower, Four of Pentacles (reversed), Three of Wands, The Sun, & Four of Wands

The pile's energy instantly chirped me up and made so happy! Its interesting how the piles are always so unique in their own way. You could have been or are currently in denial with your circumstances. It reminds me of Hey Ya! by Outkast. Go take a look at that music video or listen to the song if you're unfamiliar with it. It's a fun happy song, but the meaning of the lyrics are actually quite depressing. You could have this mindset of: "Y'all don't wanna hear me you just wanna dance!". You could be someone who is pessimistic and a downer, always wanting to look at things from a more "realistic" perspective. Although, your spirit guides are asking you to actually change this way of thinking. I actually see that you have a really bright and energizing aura! You could be really funny, pile 3! Your purpose could align with having a good sense of humor or being a source of hope and optimism for others. You could be interested in working in the entertainment field. Once you get past this, you will realize how much fun life can actually be! Your past challenges could also be viewed from a more positive standpoint. For example, the situation might have been unfortunate, but did you learn anything valuable? Or was there any positive outcomes because of that said situation. Reflect on your life experiences and lessons to see where the universe actually might have helped you dodge a bullet or blessed you with protection or love. You could also attract new people into your life who will make you feel a sense of joy and gratitude. This pile just reminds me of a fun summer day, where people eat watermelon or have fun at the pool. Another song I'm channeling is Summertime by DJ Jazzy Jeff & Will Smith. You will be celebrating and having a good time with your loved ones in the future soon. I believe honestly your path for now is to focus on happiness and sharing love and light with others!

Summary:

Have fun!

Make jokes that uplift people's energy

Focus on the good vs dwelling in negativity

Try to make someone laugh or smile!

Make plans for the summer

Hang out with your friends or spend time with family

Your past struggles are why you're still here. You overcame a great deal and should be proud of yourself!

#pac #pick a card #pick a pile #astrology #astro observations #astrology observations #spirituality #tarot #tarot cards #tarot deck #tarot reading #oracle #oracle cards

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whatislife1babydonthurtme · 2 years

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Things in Stranger Things season 4 (Volume 2) which did not make sense, were forgotten or simply pissed me off.

❗️Spoilers obviously❗️

The whole town was convinced that there was a cult going on and people got up looking for Eddie and seemingly the rest of Hellfire Club because they were convinced it was a cult. Did they just give up? They never showed up again. Also the parents didn't bring this up at the end when everyone was reunited.

Why did Mike believe that the painting was for him and El when he clearly read the letter that said Will was painting it for someone he likes. Additionally, how the fuck did Mike not notice his supposed "best friend" sobbing in the car right next to him? You can clearly see him look in Will's direction but he just doesn't do anything.

Is the police just... dead? Where are they? Why are they not actively going after Jason's crew

Where is Owen? Is he alive? Why did he say that he could get El back in Hawkins in 2 hours tops if the Cali crew said it would take all night to get back, was he gonna call a private jet or something??

Where is the military? They went to that lab and then were never heard of again.

When Nancy was Vecna'd, she was in the laboratory. Why???? She had nothing to do with that place. Why wasn't she robbed from facing her own fears and traumas at the start of volume 2? Also when she got stuck in front of those doors which were blocked off by planks, they were push doors. Why did she rip off all of those planks if she could've just pushed the door and crawled in between those planks. Maybe I'm getting something wrong here but that just seems like such a hard thing to miss while writing the script...

Why did only Jason and his buddy go to Lucas and Erica when he had a whole team? Were the other guys just watching tv?

Vecna survived being transported to another reality and being hit by lightening so much that his skin peeled off, but can't handle Steve and Robin throwing a molotov at him? Or a shotgun? Really?

Did they leave Eddie's body in the upside down? Why is nobody mourning him besides his uncle and Dustin? I thought Mike, Lucas, Steve, Nancy, Robin and even Erica cared.

So El can bring people back from the dead now? That's not telekinesis, that's Mary Sue magic. What's next? She can share her powers with anyone she wants and then they can make people fly with the jerk of a wrist?

We still don't know why the upside down is stuck on the moment Will was taken. With the way this was brought up in volume 1 it really seemed like this would be answered in volume 2. But of course not, because Will Byers just kept getting sidelined in every way possible.

How come it was leaked that 5 people would die in volume 2 but the only important characters who died were Brenner (papa) and Eddie. Max died but she was brought back to life because apparently Eleven can do that now. That's not 5 is it? Or did they count the people in that helicopter who were trying to shoot Eleven?

Were we supposed to care about Brenner's death???? With how the cemra kept focusing so much on him? I was glad to watch him go!!

The timeskip of 2 full days in the middle of the climax???? Wtf was that??????

Mike being a complete asshole to Will these past 2 seasons was just for no reason then? He is JUST an asshole??

Were Robin, Nancy and Steve just choking on those vines for like 15 minutes or was the time where Eleven struck Vecna actually a lot shorter than that?

They actually forgot Will's birthday, I hoped they were just joking but they really forgot. He was the only character with a canon birthday within the series (until they talked about Dustin's) but clearly they care so little about Will that his entire existence is forgotten.

Wasn't the upside down toxic? Why is everyone just fine inhaling the shit?

The queerbait. No, gay people didn't bait themselves. Netflix, the Duffers, and the actors were actively promoting Byler and hyping up Will's sexuality when in reality Byler is just doomed, not just as a romance but as friendship as well. And Will did not explicitly come out to anyone. People are STILL in denial that he's gay and that's exactly why you make characters come out instead of keeping it "up to interpretation wink wink"

Will calling Mike the heart of their group yet Mike's the one who broke their party up the most.

Mike saying he instantly fell in love with Eleven when they met, as if he didn't tell her to shut up, go away and stop being weird back then.

Mike saying his life started on the day he met Eleven, the same day Will went missing, in his face. When Mike said before that the best thing he had ever done was befriend Will in kindergarten.

So did Vecna create the Mind Flayer or did it already exist? Cause if Vecna created it that's so goddamn lame and it adds no new mystery.

The continuous stereotypes and suffering/deaths of outcasts, poor people, queer people and people of color. One black character plays basketball and the other is a sassy one-liner. The brown guy is a funny weed man with barely to no relevancy to the plot. One lesbian gets a lazy background ship with a girl who is an exact copy of herself and the gay character is living in a painful unrequited love story and used as fuel for the main straight couple, without even being given a canon coming out scene. All this while the straight couples get together and have tons of moments together. Eddie who is poor, is seen as a cultist, dies and nobody besides 2 people mourn his death. Max, another poor character who had already lived through trauma and abuse, dies, gets brought back to life, is now comatose, probably crippled, and maybe permanently blind.

Will's endless suffering. He just can't ever be happy can he? Wtf is wrong with the writers...

Did the Russian crew just end up at Hoppers cabin like that in 2 days? No problems whatsoever? Wow that's convenient.

Hopper hugs Mike but not his new stepsons?

Not one, not two, but three jokes about Hopper once having been fat because he's lost weight in the prison.

Comments had some great additions and I came up with some more too so here's more:

Nobody showed up to Lucas' game when he had a very valid reason to want to play, and it was never brought up again. They all stood him up.

Eddie's death was so rushed and predictable. I saw it coming as soon as he said his whole "I'm a coward I run away I'm not a hero" speech. It's typical "I'm a coward so I'll die a hero" foreshadowing which is overused and just horrible. And in the end he didn't even save anyone, it was completely unnecessary. Eddie deserved to live.

Eleven not being able to win the final fight until she got validation from her boyfriend. Why was she not allowed to do this by herself?

The military watching the pizza van drive off and then do nothing about it? I thought they were experts at tracing and tracking, but nope, they just gave up after Eleven escaped the underground lab.

Just the Cali crew being sidelined so much when they once were such interesting characters (besides Argyle)

Steve saying he always loved Nancy and never moved on despite him telling Robin in season 3 that he didn't like her anymore. Let Steve move on and stop having Nancy jump from boy to boy, hurting them both in the process.

Just a nitpick but the sound design was so overly dramatic at times? Like Brenner LITERALLY snapped a pencil and the sound design was like ☄️💥🔥

Tell me what I missed cause I'd love to add it on this shit list.

#the disappointment i feel #stranger things #stranger things season 4 #stranger things volume 2 #stranger things spoilers #st 4 vol 2 #st 4 #will byers #mike wheeler #nancy wheeler #jim hopper #eleven #el hopper #max mayfield #byler #long post #my post

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professorsparklepants · 6 months

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Spotify | Youtube (lyricless) | Youtube (with translated lyrics)*

a voice came to me in a dream saying that i could make a life and death companions playlists using only kpop songs. and that voice? was kim dokja.

*flashing warning for Killing Me

TRACKLIST BELOW THE CUT

Illusion | aespa

Follow me, come and get illusion Swallow it all at once, delicious Irresistible bait, hook up Feeding on attention and growing up

Did I pick this song just because it had the word dokkaebi in it? Maybe. But you can't deny it's a starstream bop.

Deep | Hyo

Hiding sharp teeth, tension with you I predict eyes to eyes, explore it with you Oh you can take it? Won't be easy, you'll see Like the waves I'll hit you, whip up the water, deeper into me

This was the last song I added, but "two sharks circling each other in the water as a metaphor for a relationship" is SO early joongdok.

Camo | BoA

Hey baby, in the darkness with all the lights off I've hidden my shadow, I can't be tied down To some place tonight, my face has changed My heart is moving, but my camouflage will hide it I still don't know, yeah, my own heart The thick colors of the camouflage cover up the new world that'll surprise me

The dowager queen of kpop delivers a Kim Dokja song through and through.

Drunk-Dazed | ENHYPEN

I feel it, my head's in a daze daze daze I'm addicted, I replay-play-play The way you want it, go as far as you can to reach it Trapped in the carnival wow wow

[slaps Yoo Joonghyuk] this boy can fit so much timeloop trauma inside him

Want | Taemin

(Hot, Hot) Teasing you slowly (Hot, hot) Making you fall for me without limit (Hot, hot) Waking you up from the silence underneath your deep sea (Hot, hot) Will leave you wanting more, thirsting for more

I can't do a kpop themed shipping playlist and NOT include the King of Hoe Anthems himself.

Devil By the Window | TXT

Waste, waste away in the gutter with me No, I can't tell what is fake in my reality I see the waves, see the waves wash over me Oh, stay, you can stay when you're tempted to leave

Deja Vu | Dreamcatcher

Me deleting Lucifer by SHINee from the playlist because the lyrics don't fit: OTL

Me when I find another kpop song about Devils that's also way gayer: 😈

So now, I'm holding this pain Like you, who has thrown everything away Each day gets clearer Endlessly before me, oh deja vu Oh deja vu, oh deja vu, Oh deja vu, so I've fallen now Till the day I run out of breath, I can't let you go again Because we'll spend every moment together Don't get any further away from me

This is the only surviving entry from when this was 100% a joke playlist and not partially serious.

Psycho | Red Velvet

You got me feeling like a psycho, psycho People keep telling us As we fight like it's our last but then we get along They don't get it, it's so funny

Dysfunctional relationship anthem.

Killing Me | Chungha

Forgotten again these days The time has stopped When does it end? Try to pretend I'm used to it by now Something just fell apart What fell is the broken heart Future is trapped and has collapsed Everything is because of you

Is is really a joongdok playlist without at least one depressed breakup song?

Fiction | Highlight (formerly Beast)

Like this again (fiction in fiction) I can't end it (fiction in fiction) I am writing the story that will never end in my heart I will hold onto you (fiction in fiction) I won't let you go (fiction in fiction) I'm in the story of you and i that hasn't ended still, even today in fiction

I know Kim Dokja is the reader and not the writer but I couldn't NOT.

Heroine | Sunmi

In this drama of just us two The true hero was you, baby Yeah today you're being you Like a brilliant hero Just do as you have always done Even if that's playing the villain Even if that makes me sad You've got to be yourself Even if that hurts me, even if it's a sad ending The show must go on

This is the first song I added, honestly. Perfect for them.

What Can I Do | Day6

What am I to you? Do you even have feelings for me? Every time I meet you, you change Feels like I know you, but then I don't You meet all the people in the world but you have no time to give me? You're too much, why do you drive me so crazy?

I found this on a list of the gayest kpop songs.

Star | Loona

You're in my mind when I'm asleep I'm seeing stars sink in these dreams I don't wanna spend these hours with nobody else I'm in your mind, you're my dreams I'm freaking out I don't wanna leave But so selfishly I want you and nobody else

I debated between Voice (Korean version) and Star (English version) but then I realized Star has lines that can be read as the possession thing so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Untouchable | Everglow

Tell me now, tell me now you want me Your feeling can be seen clearly like mine You and I are like one, we're so alike Talk about, talk about us, I want you My feeling can be seen clearly like yours Whatever people say, we're untouchable

Battle couple anthem.

Feel Special | Twice

You make me feel special No matter how the world brings me down Even when hurtful words stab me I smile again cause you're there That's what you do One moment I feel like I'm nothing at all Like no one would notice if I were gone But then when I hear you calling me, I feel loved I feel so special

When I realized I could put this song on this playlist I cackled.

Fairy of Shampoo | TXT

I don't feel lonely when I see you Even if I'm with my sad heart It just disappears far away Dear, you are my fairy of shampoo From this moment on, I will love you

This song is so fucking funny. Me and the woman from a shampoo commercial I have a parasocial relationship with.

Survive the Night | The Boyz

A crying child pouring starlight I got lost in the night I'm still lost there Though I realize it all I have to get out of here, warning warning warning Towards you running running running Small fragments and intersecting sensations only faint traces remember you I endure the dawn without you again, oh yeah

[pours one out for Kim Dokja's entire personal timeline]

Into the New World | Girls Generation

I love you, just like this The longed end of wandering I leave behind this world's unending sadness In the many unknowable paths I follow a dim light It's something we'll do together to the end Into my new world

Joongdok can have a protest song about reaching the end of the scenarios together. As a treat.

#fanmix #omniscent reader #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv #kim dokja #yoo joonghyuk #yu junghyeok #joongdok #jungdok #webtoons #my mix

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marcynomercy · 2 months

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Fate written in blood

I wanted to write a fanfic of Calamity and Carnifex for a while so I took courage and did it, hope you enjoy reading.

Thank you @tragedybunny for beta-reading.

Summary: The blood has always been her way until the day that fate changed, After being kidnapped by mind flayers and the fall of the Nautiloid Calamity had a new opportunity for freedom and strangely her fate crossed with that of Astarion when the elf put that dagger around her neck.

Their fate until now was written by others, but now they would write with their own hands in blood.

Warnings: Violence, blood, game events, mentions of trauma, distress/comfort, mention of abuse. (That’s it for now)

Ship: Astarion and Calamity (Tav), Shadowheart and Carniex (Tav), mentions of other characters.

Chapter 2

Chapter 1 - The beginning of a bond

Freedom was just a dream, a dream she still cherished and strangely came true in a distorted way. It became reality in the form of a capsule being opened and the shock of her body on the floor.

A pain in her head and the knowledge that there was a tadpole in her brain... nothing comes for free does it?

The first thing she did was look at the capsules looking for her twin brother, maybe he was kidnapped too? Unfortunately, she did not succeed.

After the fall of the Nautiloid, Calamity awoke for the second time, by the gods she really thought it was her end but strangely fate had other plans as always.

She did not hesitate to look for her brother even after the fall, she looked body by body, wreckage by wreckage...nothing. But on the contrary she met the cleric who had helped before, her sudden infusion of kindness had good results and so her group began to increase.

Shadowheart was the first to join her on this journey and then soon after came that strange familiar pale elf who left a beautiful first impression... a blade against her neck. Her response was a headbutt.

After the misunderstanding was explained he apologized.

"Excuses accepted, if I were in your place I would have done the same." That was her answer. “My name is Calamity.” She introduced herself.

"A somewhat ominous name for such a cute person, well I’m sure your parents meant well." The elf joked. "My name is Astarion."

So Astarion joined them.

He saw her circling the ship freely as he tried to find a way to escape, but he noticed that strangely she seemed to be looking for someone. At first he deduced that she was looking for Shadowheart, but soon fell off the idea seeing how she was still looking for that person; given the way she looked at the bodies with fear and then with relief mixed with disappointment. Calamity did that until they had nothing left to scour just a wounded mind flayer trapped by rubble, that thing tried to control them, but it was too weak so they managed to resist. They were angry, so much anger and hatred for a nasty creature like that... so worried about becoming one of them.

They could not think about it, they had to forget at least for a moment and continue.

In a few hours the group recruited two more members, Gale of Waterdeep and the warrior githyanki Lae'zel who was already known to the girls.

Lae'zel was adamant and insisted on looking for the creche, Calamity on the other hand agreed with Shadowheart as to be wary and distrustful of githyanki so she tried to handle the situation as best she can.

"We already understand your point Lae'zel, but at the moment we do not have the resources for this. We need a place to set up camp, supplies and most importantly investigate this whole situation. There is something wrong and if we want to survive we need this information, so yes we will look for this creche and get its location meanwhile nothing prevents us from looking for answers, do you not agree?" One talent that Calamity cultivated and honed was persuasion and it fit her like a glove at that point.

Astarion was surprised how she was a smooth talker and a good sense of survival, he decided if he wanted to survive he should focus on her.

"In fact we don’t have a defined leader here right? In that case I think our dear Calamity would be perfect for that role." Astarion wasted no time in ensuring his target the most important role, all for the sake of his well-being.

Calamity stared at him in disbelief.

"Me what?!" she protested in shock.

"Well he’s not wrong, you seem to have skills for it given the way you handled it well during our short period on the nautiloid and now after the crash." Shadowheart commented thoughtfully. "Actually for me it doesn’t matter who would actually be the leader, but that you were nominated I won’t be against it."

"I don’t see any problems either." Gale also agreed.

"Tsk, if you’re all for her leadership, I won’t question it... for now. Better prove yourself worthy of that role."

Still stunned as everyone simply pushed her to the leadership, Calamity just sighed and nodded.

"Okay, okay... so let’s move on." She just took the lead and they moved on.

Astarion smiled, pleased. The first part of his plan was a success now he just needed to conquer the rest of it which didn’t seem to be difficult for him.

Well, that’s what he thought.

For the rest of the day he tried to approach her, but either Calamity ignored him or she just replied disinterested... How frustrating!

He took it out during the fight in front of the gates on those filthy goblins, it was good to kill something for a change, but then he saw that Calamity wasn’t just a pretty face. She beheaded the goblins as if they were nothing, her attacks were swift, agile and precise. It always focused on the vital, simple and practical points. This was no amateur skill, Astarion’s sharp eyes realized it was the skill of a professional, trained assassin. Calamity until now was a box of surprises for him, since they went from plunder this crypt to pacifying an argument between a tiefling and a human, knocking out the human with a punch to finding an improbable clue just because of a mistrust. He noticed the way her eyes ran around the place analyzing everything and that she was suspicious about something, then she tried to be a little too curious and quickly managed to sneak behind the stone shelves of one of the rooms by finding a chest with a suspicious letter addressed to Kagha.

But just as she proved to be very suspicious and cautious, she showed herself to have a terribly naive side! - dumb and stupid being more sincere.

Astarion was incredulous when she trusted the druid Nettie and being poisoned by her, but again Calamity saved herself with her lip and got the antidote along with some answers and her best bet was the druid Halsin... then another stupid decision, accept the poison Nettie gave.

"You know I’m starting to think you’re an idiot! You should have denied the poison!" Calamity stared with a serious look.

"I did it to spare us a possible confrontation unnecessarily and she would only let us go if I accepted and if the genius did not notice she locked us there with magic! And we gain a potent poison it can be useful in future battles." She seemed to have thought of everything.

"Well that doesn’t justify your stupid decision to trust her first!"

"Yes it was a stupid decision, but what could I do? I had to risk it and at least we had some productive result in this, never heard that the ends justify the means?" Her voice had a sarcastic tone and it irritated him.

"I can’t believe she poisoned you, tried to put you down like a dying dog without as much as a whisper of consent!" Gale was quicker in expressing his outrage.

"She gave up at the end." Calamity replied.

"Yes! But that doesn’t change the fact! How dare she snuff out life with as much thought as snuffing out a bloody candle?!"

"Are you all right, Gale?"

"Yes. Yes, I am. It’s just that, had it been me…Had it been… But you handled it, and you handled it well! As for myself, I could quite do with a tumbler full of Waterdeep Whiskey."

He really showed concern so she smiled sweetly at him in response.

"Oh, so you’re the kind of guy who prefers whiskey? That’s good to know, but I think at the end of today no one here would deny a drink." The way she spoke almost sounded like flirting, at least to Astarion’s ears.

The elf crossed his arms bored while they talked, it was decided that it would be better to find a place to camp and close the day.

The camp was set up. It was a tiring day, Calamity lightly massaged her strained shoulder after taking off the leather shoulder pad. Waking up on a devastated beach, recruiting one by one her new companions for that group, being chosen as a leader, plundering a crypt where you had a weird skeleton that was now in your camp, killing some goblins, being poisoned by a druid... She went over the day in her mind as she counted every event on her fingers, a tired sigh escapes from her mouth before she lies in her sleeping bag.

"Where are you brother?" she muttered covering her face with her hands.

Maybe he wasn’t kidnapped... so what would she do? Her mind starts spinning, she tried to focus her thoughts. Come on she needed to think of a plan! Wait... when did her mind get so clear? Was it the tadpole? Since she woke up in the Nautiloid she did not feel that weight that excessive fear caused her, the tadpole suppressed it?

Of course the same was still with her, but he did not control her anymore. Calamity smiled taking advantage of this relief, no anxiety, fear or panic... just a brief moment of tranquility. She gave herself the luxury of enjoying two minutes and then began to worry again, they will surely come after her.

"I don’t want to go back, but I can’t leave him..." She swallowed the cry.

She was free, but her brother wasn’t.

This brief moment of relief was taken by anguish, she could only hope that he is not suffering because of her. If she comes back maybe they’ll never have a chance to be free, she looked at the group through the small crack in the fabric of her tent’s entrance, she also had to worry about them now.

Her hands searched for blank book pages she had found, if she wanted to do that she needed to write it down! That’s how she started this diary, noting possible missions and progress and of course a way to vent alone. Calamity wrote everything, her advances of the day, the discoveries, hypotheses, theories, ideas for future plans and finally what she felt.

"It’s weird, I’ve never felt so good after so long... am I wrong? All this seems like a distorted dream from which I hope not to wake up, still not sure if my brother was kidnapped or not since I did not find any trace of him. I don’t know if I feel relief or regret for not finding him, on the one hand I’m happy because if he wasn’t kidnapped it means he wasn’t infected but at the same time I feel anguish because it means he was alone... I miss him."

She wrote with her anguished heart so she soon closed the diary and left it aside when she realized that someone came to her tent.

"Gale made dinner and I came to warn you." It was Shadowheart.

"Thank you, I’m starving." she replies putting on her social mask again and coming out of the attempt. " We’re lucky to have someone with culinary skills with us." She smiled and walked to the campfire beside the cleric

That first night together as a group was... quite a bit distant, Gale after dinner stood watching the fire and shared his pessimistic thoughts full of reality shock. " There’s nothing abstract about it" was what he said, Calamity understood his point but all he could offer were words. She then spoke to Astarion who expressed just as everyone else had how serious Gale was and later commented how new it was to him.

"The night normally means bustling streets, bursting taverns. Curling up in the dirt and resting is… a little novel."

"I confess that all this is strange to me, it’s the first time I’m away from the city but we need to take a chance after all we have a lot to do tomorrow."

"You mentioned that you were from Baldur’s Gate and I couldn’t ignore your abilities." She just got serious staring at him. "No need to look at me like that, what I mean is that I noticed that you are someone capable. Well I’m no place to rest yet, today has been a lot. I need some time to think things through to process this, you rest I’ll keep watch."

"If you say so, I’ll sleep quietly knowing there’s someone watching."

"The pleasure is all mine. Sweet dreams."

She walked away and Astarion kept his eyes on her, a single measure of her abilities made her alert, he was no idiot and knew that if he angered her, it could be his end tonight. Although it left him more intrigued by the minute, thinking he might have met her earlier wouldn’t make sense, but he still had that impression rooted in his mind... where he saw those eyes before? Her eyes are unique, the left eye sapphire blue and the right eye red this combination is not seen every day around.

He saw her talking to the other half-elf and then she returned to the tent, this matter occupied him for the rest of the night along with his hunger.

Well that’s it! Thank you for reading the first chapter.

@spacebarbarianweird @spacesquidlings@thechaoticdruid

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untiliendupdnf · 2 months

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My Opinion

Feel free to ignore, I'm just going to have a little rant.

So, like I said, I wanted to wait before writing up any conclusions to this whole situation in the event anything else would be added and I think with George’s video I think we’ve reached that point. I’m aware Caiti has said she’s going to stream again but realistically she’s been so incredibly unreliable when recounting these events that I honestly don’t find it necessary to watch. That may sound mean but the truth of the matter is she has lied, whether it was through omission, stretching the facts or straight up fabricating messages the reality is she made the decision to turn this into something it wasn’t. At this point the only worthwhile addition she could make is whether or not she accepts George’s apology but that’s none of mine damn business and her forgiving him has no relevance to my opinion on George. It would be nice to know that both parties got some closure from the whole thing but it really doesn’t affect my consumption or creation of content.

With that out of the way I think the first thing I want to say is the “believe all victims” rhetoric has been twisted far beyond the point of being logical or helpful, especially in the social media landscape. In my opinion believe all victims should apply to victims and victims only. By that I mean if your friend tells you she was raped or assaulted or abused then you believe them 100%. If you watch a streamer and they talk about an experience they had then again, believe them. But once fingers have been pointed then that belief has to be supported by facts.

Saying I was raped and asking to be believed is entirely different to saying I was raped and then naming or alluding to a person. There’s no reason to dismiss me if I just inform you of something tragic happening to me but if I then tell you it was done by, let’s say Obama, then you can no longer just accept that with no proof.

With regards to this situation, I believe in Caiti’s hurt and her feelings but I can’t in good conscience allow her emotional reaction to colour my logical one. She was made to feel uncomfortable and that sucks but her framing of this story has been highly exaggerated and honestly kind of manipulative. Now I don’t know anything about her but just like she’s allowed to feel how she feels I’m allowed to feel how I feel and as a victim the walk back that’s happened from that first stream has me feeling manipulated. Words were used with a specific intent and it’s honestly made me feel like my own trauma has been mocked so I’m sorry if my sympathy is lacking towards her.

George is a 27-year-old man, 26 at the time and I think he’s shown himself to be incredibly immature in this situation and showed a real lack of thought going in to this. Too much time thinking with his dick and not enough with his head. There’s no excuse for him not verifying ages and since he apparently lost his virginity at 19, he’s had plenty of time to learn this. I also think given the reality of the landscape at the time with the allegations it was foolish for them to invite them up to a hotel room in the first place. Sex isn’t a need to survive, if they were horny, they should’ve just fucked each other and saved us being dragged into this situation. I don’t see any of this as malicious so I’m fine with giving my support still but they really need to focus up and stop being basic white men. Put a little more effort in.

As for Caiti’s friends. 10000000000000% they did this on purpose and Dream was right to say so in his Reddit post and I’ll die on that hill. Caiti needs to invest in better friends because these ones are not it.

#if you have any questions feel free to drop an ask #perfectly willing to discuss this #nike writes #fandom discourse

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marrecarandgi · 6 months

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Okay, I hated it. What a fucking waste of a character and also the writing was horrendous. I was thinking what of this season I’m ready to acknowledge and what will forever be ignored, and there is actually something to ponder the orb about. Troy dragging around his dead wife for, what, about 8 years? Also the casual way he treated that? Interesting. However, him not killing Madison and later saving her is just the effect of blood lose and head trauma - no reason for that man to have a change of heart like that.

So, my new delulu reality still have all the events of ep11, but not that scene from ep12. Troy have felt some type of way about ‘second chances’, gave Alicia’s cult a try for a whole second, got immediately stabbed for that (nothing that he can’t survive according to this show anyway), had everyone leave him because Tracy run away, she shot Madison dead (you go, girl), found her dad, and now the two are presumed dead by all the annoying characters and are on their way to find a new home because Padre is fucked beyond recognition.

This way I can keep some better bits we got from Troy this season, and also not acknowledge his sudden ‘I can’t let the person I wanted to kill for 8 years die believing in nothing’ redemption. Because I still want him to be an interesting darker character with conflicting feelings on the matter, not an Alicia cultist. Let the man struggle with the idea of helping people, and his kid challenge him. Also the two will have to properly let go off Serena now, which would be so interesting to see…

I mean, a Troy spinoff is the only thing that had potential in this season, and if the writers can’t be bothered to do that? Then, fine, I’ll do all the work myself.

#troy otto

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nearyboo · 1 year

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I think out of all the fiction I experienced in 2022 Umineko is the one that's left the most lasting impact. Specifically Ange's journey and how beautifully she goes from a suicidal teenager feeling alone, abused and abandoned by all the people she loved to a confident young woman no longer obsessed with discovering the truth but conveying the emotions she experienced on that journey. From being fixated on her dead family a situation she couldn't change no matter what she did to using her talent to influence the minds of children and leave a positive change in their lives. Like Battler and Maria did for her.

Being able to forgive her abusive mother figure. Being able to accept the deaths of her family and for the first time being able to move forward in her life after spending a lot of her youth and teen years wanting to die, only living on so she could find out the truth. But thanks to the alternate reality Battler created solely for her, so she could see her family again and teach her there's stuff far more important than the truth, like simply cherishing the memory of her loved ones even if they were inaccurate and false. being viewed with a childish naivete. Whether her memories made her view certain members of her family as more despicable or favourable than they really were. She should cherish them all the same since those memories will be with her until she dies even when her family isn't. As someone who's experienced deep loss over the last year it was so comforting reading a character who's life had been defined by the loss of her family and who had no way of knowing how to cope with it, gradually learn that there's so much more to her than her past trauma and that it's fine for her to keep on living without them. That as much as she loves them, she doesn't need them and she can create her own path in life.

But more than anything I love the conclusion she comes to in the end. Wanting to become an author and write stories for children and the next generation. To teach them all of the lessons she learned from her trauma and how she was able to overcome it. Not wanting any children to suffer like her and Maria did. Umineko is a story that is all about stories in general so having Ange who's the emotional heart of the series and the most important character in the ending decide to create her own stories just makes sense.

Also I'm a huge fan of the trope of characters leaving everything behind to start a new life. And Ange starting this new chapter in her life by giving up the Ushiromiya family fortune and her name along with it. Starting her new life as an author under a new name living by the sea in a log cabin. It's what she deserves! 😤

This alone would've been good enough as a conclusion but I'm so glad the epilogue of the series is also based around her. I like that we actually get to see her success as a fully grown adult who's survived and prospered into an renowned author. Hits more seeing what she's become and been able to achieve rather than only seeing her as a teenager.

Also her reunion with Battler is perfect! The main goal of the final arc is for Ange to accept her family's deaths and come to terms with the fact that she's never going to see them again so that she can finally move forward in her own life. So then her reuniting with Battler could've been seen as undermining or relinquishing her development. But the story handles it perfectly and in true Umineko fashion its more bittersweet than anything with Battler having amnesia from his head trauma and now no longer being able to see his old memories with Ange as his own anymore. It works as brilliant closure since Ange is able to vocalise the loneliess she felt to someone and Battler is able to see the healthy, splendid woman she's become just like he wanted even if it's through the eyes of another man. It also pays off the idea/theme which the story was pushing heavily that even if you think you're never going to see a loved one again, as long as you're alive the possibility is never zero.

#GOD its been so long since ive gushed this much over a characted #but she deserves it #ange ushiromiya #battler ushiromiya #umineko #umineko spoilers

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lesbiantoaster · 1 year

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The Golden Enclaves (The Scholomance Book 3) - Spoilers

I've just finished The Scholomance series by Naomi Novik and I need to write my thoughs because I have some opinions XD These are just my thoughs as 20+yo freshly after finishing the series in one go (+listening/reading some opinions on-line). Also english is not my first language so I hope my message won't be lost in traslation.

El is unreliable narrator but she's a great character imo. Yes, she's ulikable, stubborn, 17yo brooding edgelord full of trauma BUT (for me at least) she's an believable on top of all of that. What I mean by that is I can believe that this is what a 17yo girl would sound/think/akt like. That doesn't mean her actions are always right but who doesn't make mistakes (especially when they're a teenager) ? But despite all the trauma she's endured during her stay at the Scholomance as well as before that and loads of self-loathing she's always been a good kid at heart to whom the world/fate has been really unfair. I love her journey throughout the series I truly do even though this journey is just beggining, but that's what's amazing about this character because now evry reader can have their own headcannons about her future. And that's what makes El Higgins one of my favourite characters of all time and makes me love this character!

Orion on the other hand had been made dirty imo. I'm sorry I really wanted to like him but he literally has ZERO personality he's just a depressed mawmouth shaped like a boy who wants to hunt mals and be next to El... It's sad because his whole story is genuinely tragic yet I felt next to nothing while reading it (only after finishing the golden enclaves I've started to think about everything he'd been through...). Also kinda unrelated but WHAT is Orion now? Like is he human enough to idk... get old? Or will he remain a 17yo till the end of Scholomance? On that note if he'll get old like a normal human being then what will happed to Scholomance once he passes away? (I don't expect to ever recive an answer to any of those questions but I am curious about it).

So... what do I think about Orion x El relationship? Well I think it was good for them while they're in Scholomance and (of course) it was crutial for the plot progression. But do I think this has a future? Absolutely not. For the first two book I was authentically rooting for them. They were good for each other and helped each other grow and mature, but reading The Golden Enclaves I couldn't help but play this tiktok sound (the one that goes: "He is not 'the love of your life'! He's literally just a guy. Just hit him with your car!") in my head for most of the Orion-related parts. And while what happened between Orion and El was genuine and beautiful and was working pretty well for the time being but they're teenagers in their first realtionship (that was formed in confined space where death was waiting for them litterally behind every corner and for what they knew they could die in the next 5 minutes, and lets not forget the social structure of small comunity of Scholomance - and while you can find some analogies beteween that to the outer world, they're not the same) and I don't think it'll survive past the point of when their frontal lobe will be fully developed... But I do think they'll remind good friends after that. That's just my opinion!

And that's I'm SO glad that the Liesel x El subplot happened! Some people say it came out of nowhere just to get representation points but I disagree with that sentiment... Don't det me wrong - I didn't saw it comming until the scene in London enclave, but when it happened it cliked for me and everything from The Last Graduate till the end of The Golden Enclaves started making sense... (?) My interpretation of the situation is that El DID notice Liesel in Scholomance and WAS atracted to her (considering that El's our narrator and we only see her version of reality, everything we learn about the world is El's understanging and observations of it - we only know things she considered important enough to describe to the reader AND she considered Liesel to be worthy of describing her multiple times to this degree that we KNOW that during New Year's cleaning El was looking at Liesel's boobs and wasn't complaining about it (she was complaining that Orion wasn't doing the same thing) maybe a the time she wasn't considering herself being attracted to the same sex - it might be because she wasn't quite experienced with social interactions and it was all new to her.. I mean newer than to 'normal' 17yo who's just begining their dating life). The biggest tell for me that El was attracted to Liesel was her reaction when she figured out what Liesel was proposing to her in London. What I also like in golden enclaves is the character development of Liesel herself. Watchin how this prideful, cunning, inteligent and fierce girl starts to care (even deeply) for El and how this relationship catalyzes her own process of healing from all the trauma.

And don't let me get started on thie whole "cheating" discourse... The first time El and Leisel get intimate is when we are sure Orion has been eaten by maw-mouth and the only reason for El to go back to Scholomance is to kill said maw-mouth so Orion along others victims to can die peacefully instead of suffering in eternity. So she's grieving and everyone grieves differently and it's not our place to judge that. The second time on the plane is slightly more complicated but also I wouldn't say it was cheating (I wouldn't even say that El and Orion were dating again at that time... it was more of will-they-wont-they-situationship where Orion specifically asked El to kill him if his mother won't heal him - and we all knew she wouldn't), it was a shitty move tho... Let's remember we're talking about deeply traumatized and mentally fucked-up kids (ok... young adults). I don't condone what El did in that moment but I also try to remember the context of these decisions and I refuse to judge her by my standards (+ I highly doubt that after all of this El never mention to Orion what happened between her and Liesel, just because she didn't do it right away after the events from the book doesn't mean they wouldn't have talked about this - it's just that hiding this information from Orion doesn't sit right with my interpretation of El's character).

El's just a teenage girl who's going through her first love but it doesn't mean she's gonig to close herself from the world just for this boy she met in school (in contrast to her own mother who's the archetype of mourning widow). I just really want to hope that in the case things wouldn't work out between her and Orion it wouldn't be the end of the world for her.

I'd like to believe that what these kids started was a revolution at the core of the rotten magic society and the whole system build on death and suffering, and that the change will come (after some probably long and painful process but IT WILL COME - that's my headcannon and I don't accept any other outcome for my own mental wellbeing XD). But also alongside of the changing/rebuilding world these kids need to heal/grow/change themseves. They've been through some serious shit and need to redefine who they are and find their own place in the new reality. I'd love to read about older versions of our heroes (because I'm 100% sure they won't be the same kids we left at the end of the last book) but I also don't think we'll ever come back to this world to see what happened next with our beloved misfits but I really hope the future will bring more fanfictions, headcannons and other fan-media that will keep this world alive and will allow us to dive in this world once more!

All to all I loved the series! It's not ideal (in many aspects) but overall I've really enjoyed it & sincerely recommend reading it and to shape your own opinion on the matter! Please keep in mind that it's only my interpretation of the series which is based on translation of the books and my personal life experiences and if you disagree with me you are more than welcome to express it (I'd love to see other perspectives) but please don't send hate! Lots of love <3

#golden enclaves spoilers #el higgins #galadriel higgins #Liesel Mueller #orion lake #the golden enclaves #the scholomance #el x orion #el x liesel

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hopefulstarfire · 2 years

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Okay so I gotta talk about this now.

So I understand the criticisms of people going against the portrayal of Jasons Robin in the new RHATO webtoon and the more reckless side coming out while they're looking for the artifact with the "dangerous? Please" comments.

So, we don't see as much of Jason as Robin in that beginning moment. He gets a couple lines. One asking what the world ever did for him or his parents, and one kind of teasing Batman.

I actually kind of agree with that statement. Now, I do believe that Jason as Robin was a happy kid who believed being Robin gave him magic and had so much love in his heart and compassion. I go off about how he wasnt the angry, impulsive Robin people make him out to be;

But that doesn't mean he didn't grow up on the streets of Gotham without his parents. That doesn't mean he doesn't realize how rough it is out there.

This also was a conversation that actually does really well with Bruce and kind of highlight the light and love in Bruce and how he's trying to help Jason, because he knows Jason has seen the toughest reality but that there is good in the world. Bruce helped shape Jason and helped him feel safe and secure enough to be a happier kid, full of energy and loving to read.

What this early part of the comic reads as is something that happens after Jason completes his training. Like something that happens the first night Bruce takes Jason out with him; the final lesson before he's actually thrust into the role of a sidekick in the field.

Bruce and Jason have a lot of similarities when you look at them and I do think it's because Bruce had a profound impact on Jasons development as a person. Again, he was a kid constantly living in survival mode until he was given a sense of security by being adopted. It's not perfect security, he's still fighting supervillains, but he's okay enough to let his guard down and let people in. This could actually us seeing that side of Jason starting to come out, one that wants to heal and see the good in the world and have that joy that he was never safe enough to truly have.

(I'm more angry about the "We didn't feel like a family" part because shut up yes they were. Bruce did his best and also ALFREDS RIGHT THERE. But Jasons also now looking back on his past with other complex traumas that have arisen since he was adopted and is still healing from the trauma of his life before Bruce. So there might be reason for that).

As for the reckless bit, yeah, no, that scene read...weirdly to me. I didn't like it. However, looking back, I'm beginning to wonder if it's possible that Jason knew they were being watched and decided to act dumb.

See, Jasons a meticulous planner. And there's no doubt he knows that he has a little bit of an advantage of people read him wrong; people see him as the angry, impulsive jackass who goes in guns literally ablazing. He knows he's not.

However, he can use that to his advantage. Keep people from figuring out he's on to them. Make them underestimate his abilities as a detective and fighter by playing into that role, while he's digging around for the truth. After all, of course he's gonna question why Huntress' supossedly dead father just randomly showed up and sent him on a mission. Artemis knows something is up and isn't afraid to say so, but Jason might be playing along until he can turn the tables on Bertinelli once hes got the pieces together.

At least, that's what I'm hoping it's gonna end up being. Because that would actually be really good writing but that's just me. Or that if that's not the case, then whatever that comment was doesn't happen in later chapters (I've only read the first 3 that have just released, not the early access ones).

All in all, still hopeful and still enjoying what I'm reading.

#kenz musings #rhato #red hood #red hood and the outlaws #jason todd #anyways thats just my thoughts #dc #batfam #this is also me being hopeful and trying to do some analysis there #bc i think they can be done right w jason and im hopeful im reading into it correctly #still enjoying what im reading tho esp with bizarro in a cowboy hat riding a pterodactyl #that shit was amazing i dont care who you are

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rocaillefox · 9 months

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orv spoilers ahead

something something kdj is so affected by his childhood trauma that he hates kim namwoon because he hates how he can see himself in knw, the first scenario not only evens the playing field ("everyone in this world is a murderer") given kdj killed his father (in self defense. unrelated but i have to include this lest i misrepresent him), but further deepens his own guilt and distance from everyone else since even with king of no killing, its- borrowed, in a way. stories becoming reality, and though his actions are lauded by others in the first scenario, undoubtedly he has that guilt while hearing others compliment him on finding a way to get out of the situation without murdering a person. BUT on the FLIP side, this scenario also sets the groundwork for a later forgiveness of himself, his actions being different here establish exactly how far he was driven when he was younger

tbh im just starting my orv reread but this scenario and everything going on with lee sookyung is also so relevant in context of how kdj views himself. it isnt outwardly stated but a large factor- due to kdj's self sacrifice- in their relationship isnt only kdj's denial and his focus on stories, but also kdj's self-hatred. he hates that his mother wrote the book not just for its exposure, but that she has the same self-sacrificual tendency as him- and that it makes it even harder for him to sacrifice himself for her in turn, because he cant do anything to save her now. its a very complex situation and i dont want to oversimplify their relationship- some of the emotions are clearly straightforward. but kdj is a notoriously unreliable narrator with a trend of self hateed, and orv itself is metatextualy implied to be a reconstruction of his pov through his interactions with other characters- his viewpoint colors so much of the story, but he isnt an author. his choice to write his own story has been taken from him, just as lee sookyung chose to write their story before he could- and in doing so, protected and saved him, albeit in different ways.

how many books have been written solely for him? his mother's book, ways of survival, orv- three books written just for him, at least. and like- lee sookyung deserves way more prominence in fanworks tbh because the situation she was in is an unbearable one, and the relationship she has with her son strained at times, but- and this is vitally important- it is complex, and done out of love, and like. so much of orv is about accepting the past, acknowledging it cant be changed, but also helping you come to terms with the ideavthat unfortunate things, malicious things, happen. sometimes situations suck. but in those situations you are still human. you are still full of worth regardless of the actions you have been forced to do, of the ways you have had to survive- but also, to remember to keep choosing to do what you can, and that you have to make that choice.

theres so many fucking layers to this book. i could pick any one topic and write a full research essay on how orv tackles it. genuinely, it is a masterpiece that comments clearly on so many topics- and more besides that i havent even picked up on im sure! and besides what is explicitly written, theres so many layers of implication, of potential interpretation, of cultural weight and literary tie-ins, of symbolism and allegory and constructed metaphors/similes, that for every sentence written there is another five of potential explanation behind them. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

#orv #orv spoilers #abuse mention #parent death #but because of those layers theres SO MUCH to keep in mind when writing orv fanfic #that it is SO easy to mischaracterize these characters or to assert something that #just completely goes against someone elses interpretation unintentionally

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mischas · 1 year

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pod thoughts/quotes

I swear this took me least two hours to actually watch fully from start/stopping for quotes and going back for context and then I had to pause for a few minutes while I made dinner. But that was incredibly cathartic, I must say. I feel like I’ll be ready to do a deeper dive on the podcast in the coming days but for now here are my thoughts as I watched.

07:30, re: “Whoever you want me to be” it’s interesting that Mischa says they shot her lines so many different ways to establish tone. As if Marissa really is so into her role as lead deb/social chair/etc when Sandy mentions the fashion show. Rereading the pilot script, I can see where this was changed in the direction once it came to shooting it.

16:42, “The thing about the sports or something” made me LAUGH re: hiatus because of baseball in 2003

@ ferris wheel scene, do they know this show is avail in hd? 🥴👀

24:15, re: 2x01 lawn chair scene “I was so frustrated with some of the character writing and not knowing how to play it at that point” omg “Didn’t know what to do with some of the writing”

What kind of vapid ppl are listening to this drivel if this scene was their #1

31:57, Mischa didn’t know there was an SNL skit based off Marissa shooting Trey. IF ONLY I WERE SO LUCKY

33:28, I swear to christ 😭 Mischa has no recollection of Marissa’s various traumas (re: almost r*pe). And I don’t blame her for this, I think she had to keep this show out of sight out of mind for so so long for her own sake, but I hope being reminded of these things will help her perception of Marissa as more than a strung out angsty teen with poor decision making. She seemed so shook being reminded by Melinda that Marissa was sexually assaulted.

35:40, MB seems to be saying something else behind her expression about shooting on the Mount St. Mary’s campus for 3x24. What do we think she meant by this? Just that she was uncomfortable being paraded around in that skimpy school uniform? Or something else? This location doubled for Harbor, right? She also acknowledged feeling uncomfortable in the explicit Volchok scenes.

37:54, 3x25 model home pool scene, “Oh my god her tattoo, I can’t” I really thought this was Mischa’s tattoo they wrote into the script! I’m truly surprised they even cared about continuity at this point.

38:33, same pool scene “It’s nice when you have days where you can just, like, do stuff that’s not quite so heavy” and Mischa/Marissa deserved this so much more!!!!

44:25, they’re watching the d**th scene, and I have always thought Mischa’s arms look so weird just dropped back like that. It’s probably more realistic than if they were tucked in, but it’s always taken me out of the scene

I haven’t seen this scene in years. literally

I’m tearing up but only a little. It’s too melodramatic for me this time. I know what I’m supposed to feel but it seems so detached from reality that I can easily act like Marissa survives this. There’s almost 40 min left of this pod ep what are they gonna talk about

ok going back real quick i’m supposed to believe this happened to Ryan RIGHT IN HIS LAP AND HE’S CAREFREE AND DATES SOMEONE ELSE NOT EVEN A FEW MONTHS LATER? LMFAO PLS THIS BOY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO EVEN SPEAK FOR LIKE A YEAR IF THIS RLY HAPPENED

“This is the culmination of their whole love story, it is” okay wait 🥺

“I don’t wanna see the part where he gets all emotional, I’m done now” real

49:31, Melinda: “Truth be told, there was a huuuuuge part of the audience that tuned in just for Marissa and the ratings did go down in season 4 because you weren’t there. I’m just putting that out there.” *elmo fire gif* 🫡

55:40, 1x10 Missoni dress “They got the dress and I was obsessed, like ‘she has to wear this dress.’ It’s beautiful, like my dream dress at the time. That’s the way I felt about it. It’s all sparkly in person and just very Missoni. You know, after the fact, I became quite good friends with the family but this was like my first introduction to a Missoni piece and I was like ‘Oh my god I’m obsessed with this dress’ to the point where I begged them. This was like one of the first things they let me wear off set and it was my first date dress with, like, one of my ex-boyfriends. I was so excited I got to wear it out. It was special. So that dress has a special place in my heart, that’s for sure.”

1:01:40, fan question, “What do you think is the biggest misconception about Marissa? What’s the one thing that you just wish people would understand about her?”

“That she’s a caring– a very sensitive person. That’s the main thing about her, she’s just this sensitive and– that she wants to care for people and help them. she has a big heart like that.” 🥹

1:05:36 “Originally, they wanted her to be more like Legally Blonde.”

Melinda, “Like bubbly?”

Mischa’s fucking face here lmao

1:06:00, to find Marissa’s character “They had me watch Kate Hudson in Almost Famous again and again, certain scenes.” Why is this actually making sense to me ljkhgf

1:07:04, Marissa at the party post-fashion show in the pilot was filmed many different ways drunk, “I remember I was asked to play that every way to Sunday. ‘Like now she should be fall down drunk, like she’s stumbling through the party’ and then there were takes where I was, like, completely composed. A little bit slurring my words. That was all find it as you go.”

1:08:10, “A lot of opposing types of direction” re: doug, mcg, josh

1:09:36, “Remember when they started shooting two episodes at a time and they would just hand me pages–I don’t know if you guys had as much of this– But they would be like ‘this is gonna be probably in the next episode and since we’re on this set we’re gonna give this scene a go so here’s a couple pages from what’s probably gonna happen’ and I’d be like ‘this is wild! what have you written for the next episode?’ You'd read it and be like ‘holy shit where are we going with this?’ so I remember a lot of that.” She mentioned this in the E! interview but hearing it again is super interesting.

1:10:27, fan question, “I wanted to ask you if there are any storylines you would’ve wanted to see more of for Marissa or if there’s anything you would’ve liked to have seen of Marissa explored.”

“Yeah, I feel like definitely the Alex storyline is what jumps to mind. I feel like that could’ve been explored more. Also there’s not a lot of her and her sister, really. You know? That could’ve been explored more.”

1:11:39, mentioning that the Alex storyline really was ‘her thing’ ie. something I’ve said in the past. The Alex storyline was the only one that was ever Marissa’s alone.

1:12:26, fan submission “Marissa was my favorite character. One of my favorite moments of her was midway through season 2 when Marissa shows up to the Cohen house with bagels and they take her in and comfort her.” real!!!! theeee sweetest scene of all time

1:17:20, Tacking on that fan question at the end about Marissa and mental health. Mischa has such an eloquent answer and to answer my own question from above I feel like this may change the discourse with which MB speaks about the character. At least I hope so. Love that caller for sending it in and honestly the pod for including it.

“Obviously she suffers from depression and anxiety and all sorts of things. That’s what I was saying about the overdose scene. I do not remember what we think she’s on or what we really think her biggest problem is. Ultimately it’s rooted in mental wellness, isn’t it? I mean, so much of anything is. Any kind of addiction, it’s not really about just one thing or vice that she has. It’s about being at that age and being so overwhelmed about the world around you and not really feeling like she had the tools to cope.”

MC: “The episode is called ‘The Escape’. So she’s escaping that pain that she’s living through that the parents are oblivious to.”

MB: “Right. There’s nobody. There’s never, like, a counselor there or a teacher there. It does feel like she’s always grasping in different directions. It’s not properly defined and I think, maybe in today’s terms, we would handle that differently. But I definitely think that she’s going through all of it and searching for herself.”

Whew, you guys. I need to decompress.

#oc bitches #mischa barton

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stellagioia · 1 year

Note

That scene...oh that scene! It....it was the work about of something that could have been epic (and still is!) and we always as a fandom thank AOL and Scott for their acting choices. Alex could have chosen to be calm and cool, knowing that Steve needed his head in the game for something so serious...and yet he chose to act like the worried partner(in every sense of the word) who was struggling to grapple with the reality of the situation. In our reality...we know these bad writing choices were made by those like PL, so there's a reason for the result of that finale which to a lot of us just feels wrong. But if I attempt to explain it...fear struck Steve so precisely during these events. Hearing Danny call him for help and not reaching him in time to prevent it...how could he not have flashbacks to the same happening to his father? Finding Danny barely alive gave him the hope he didn't have with his dad though, but then it left him in a limbo state where as a man of action he couldn't DO anything, a personal hell if ever there was one for Steve as the most important person in the world to him(canon words) was at risk of leaving him, and this time...he had no choice. (other than to beg a God he didn't fully believe in, and he did!)

In the end...I think it was shock. To help Steve with the trauma of reliving feelings that started this but that were more intense. It's painful to think of them apart, but Steve, unknowingly, had to be the one to leave first because he couldn't survive Danny leaving first. Reverting back to earlier seasons Steve who compartmentalized a lot in order to do what needed to be done. Steve's co-dependency of Danny can't keep him away for long, though now he has a lot more maturity and experience that when he returns he knows he can't deny what's been obvious for the past decade.

This post deserves an audience because man, you nailed it. Bravo 👏🏻 👏🏻

Scott’s and (especially) Alex’s acting choices in the last two episodes deserve a post of their own, and the emotions they decided to show us are the only things that made those episodes bearable. Yes, fear and guilt are what drove Steve away from everyone, and if we stop to analyze it from this perspective it makes perfect sense that he felt the only option was to leave. With all his demons and his baggage. I’m glad you mentioned the scene at the church because that’s another sign of his desperation. We got a glimpse of it in season eight when Danny was shot, and witnessed the full extent of it in the finale where you clearly see all of his tightly sealed compartments have started to leak.

I want to believe that the Steve that comes back, who already came back, will have the maturity you were talking about and a bit of that peace he was looking for, and that his steps will be lighter and his smile bigger. Who knows, maybe I’ll write about it.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. With us. I needed to read this, and maybe other people too.

#answered ask #h50 #steve mcgarrett #danny williams #mcdanno

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aceghosts · 2 years

Text

Oh, The Reckoning Begins Chapter 5

Series Summary: Five years ago, Junior Deputy Blue Murphy disappeared with Joseph Seed at the final standoff, only to be found a year later in Dutch's bunker. Now, five years later from that final standoff, Blue Murphy and Hope County have moved on with their lives. However, new sinister forces threaten Blue's life, and they will have to rely on the man who started this all to survive: Joseph Seed.

Ch. 1| Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6

Rating: Mature

Warnings: I need to give a serious warning for trauma and guilt in this chapter. This also heavily and explicitly references events from FC5, including mentions of murder and torture. On the safe side, I'm also going to give a warning for manipulation and toxic relationships. This should cover everything, but please let me know if I should tag for anything else.

Words: 5,351 words.

Ships: Mentions of previous Junior Deputy/Joseph Seed, but this is a Junior Deputy/Joseph Seed Fic.

Author's Note: IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!!!! Blue and Joseph are finally interacting with each other, and Blue gets to let loose on him! I'm excited for this chapter, and I really hope everyone enjoys it! A huge thank you to @sstewyhosseini for taking a look over this chapter! I really appreciate your comments/reactions, and I can't thank you enough. (Also, if you're not following Mika, you should! Seriously, she is awesome!) Lastly, I don't make listening recommendations for chapters, but if you're interested, PVRIS' Thank You (Feat. Raye) is what I've had in the background on repeat while writing this chapter.

AO3

Sharky clears his throat, disco music playing over the car stereo as Blue tears their gaze away from the window. Sitting in the front passenger seat, Blue finds Sharky focused on the road as he drives his Jeep towards the prison. When they called Special Agent Hawthorne, Blue could only think of one person they wanted beside them when they faced Joseph: Sharky Boshaw. Naturally, that also meant that Hurk joined them for the ride. Not that Blue minded. “You sure you, uh, don’t wanna turn around, Blue Jay? You don’t have to talk to Daddy Seed.”

Blue smiles warmly at him, touched by Sharky’s concern. “I have to do this, Sharky. I promised Special Agent Hawthorne that I would talk to Joseph, and I intend to keep my promise.” They know Sharky is worried for a good reason. Sharky, along with a few others, saw firsthand how much being in the Bunker messed with Blue. He spent a lot of nights at Blue’s place, making sure they were going to be alright. On the first anniversary of their freedom, Sharky spent the whole week with Blue, distracting them from the memories of the Bunker. Like Boomer, Grace, and so many others, Blue owed Sharky a debt they could never repay.

Sensing that the conversation needed a change, Hurk leans forward from the backseat, sagely glancing between Sharky and Blue. “We’re gonna be fine, y’all. This prison ain’t nuthin’; you should’ve seen some of the other prisons I’ve been in. Just follow my lead!” Blue frowns, raising an eyebrow. Well, that was concerning.

Sharky shakes his head. “Just cuz you traveled all over the world doesn’t mean you know what’s gonna happen, cuz! What if we get shanked by some dude who made a knife out of a plastic spork?!”

“You’ve been watchin too many of them scared straight reality TV prison shows, Sharky! If you gotta worry about anythin’, its prison riots…” As Hurk rambles on the dangers of prison, Blue tunes him and Sharky out, thinking of Joseph. What would Joseph’s reaction be to seeing Blue? He obviously wanted to see them, but Blue wondered why he wanted to see them. Why couldn’t Joseph just move along with his life the same way Blue was? Why did he want to drag them back to the past? “What do you think, Broba Fett?”

Blue blinks, focusing back on the conversation. “Sorry, Hurk. What was that?”

Hurk and Sharky share worried glances between each other before Hurk repeats his question. “Prison Riot or Shanking?”

“Prison Riot, obviously. I mean, haven’t you watched movies or TV? Everything goes to shit! It makes me think of those Purge movies you forced me to watch.” They really hope Joseph isn’t about to start a prison riot while they’re talking with him.

“Told ya!” Hurk punches Sharky’s shoulder playfully, continuing his ramble about prison riots. Sharky looks over at them with concern again. Blue knows they shouldn’t do this, but they can’t live with the blood on their hands. There’s too much blood on their hands already. They just had to help the FBI, and then, Joseph would be out of their life for good.

An hour later, the trio arrives at the prison, making their way through security. As they walk through the metal detectors in the visitor center, a news report plays over the radio at the guard station, “The American Government is anticipating a drought in several states, adding to an already difficult crop season.” Besides the sound of the radio, everything is quiet and calm. Too calm for Blue’s liking.

BEEP! The metal detector goes off, and Blue grins sheepishly at the Corrections Officer. They fish their lucky pocket knife out of their olive-green cargo pants, handing it to him. “Please keep that safe. It’s important to me.”

“We’ll take care of it. You can retrieve it on the way out.” Blue nods, feeling naked without their lucky pocket knife. That knife has saved their life more times than they can count; they feel defenseless without it. Eventually, they make their way through security with Sharky and Hurk, thankfully getting into no major trouble.

“Ranger Murphy.” Blue turns to find Special Agent Hawthorne approaching them. He holds out his hand for Blue to shake. “I can’t thank you enough for taking time to speak to Joseph Seed. You’re doing a great service for your country.”

“No problem,” Blue takes his hand, shaking it, “You can just call me Blue by the way. My friends, Sharky and Hurk came with me.” They release his hand, motioning to Sharky and Hurk standing behind them. Blue feels odd to be in a prison, especially when it wasn’t a Resistance stronghold, housing their boss and allies.

Special Agent Hawthorne turns to Sharky and Hurk, shaking hands with them both. “I am Special Agent Dylan Hawthorne. Thank you for accompanying Blue.”

“Charlemagne Victor Boshaw IV,” Sharky introduces himself, puffing out his chest. If he notices Sharky’s attempt at intimidation, Special Agent Hawthorne doesn’t acknowledge it.

“You can call him, Sharky,” Blue adds.

Hurk looks around the prison, taking in the sights around him. “Told you this would be a nicer prison, cuz. Most of the prisons I’ve been in smell like ass.”

Special Agent Hawthorne raises an eyebrow, deeply concerned by Hurk’s statement. “You’ve been in prison before?”

He nods. “Yeah, man, I’ve been in some real bad prisons,” Hurk shudders, haunted by what he saw, “some of the worst places I’ve ever been, and that includes bein’ at home when Daddy and Mom were gettin’ divorced.”

Special Agent Hawthorne blinks, speechless at Hurk’s revelation. “We should prepare you to talk to Joseph Seed.” He motions for the trio to follow him, turning on his heel.

The walk to see Joseph is a quiet, solemn affair. Blue shoves their hands in the pockets of their Bomber Jacket, the same one they were infamous for wearing while fighting Eden’s Gate. It was too late to turn around, right? Definitely. Or maybe, they could-. Sharky bumps their shoulder playfully, and Blue smiles at him warmly. He smiles back, a feeling of confidence rushing through Blue. They could do this; they could face Joseph.

Special Agent Hawthorne opens the door, leading the three into another room. The other FBI Agent, already in the room, stands up from his metal folding chair, placing his Styrofoam coffee cup on the metal table. He approaches the group, holding out his hand for Blue to shake. “Special Agent Jack Mitchell.”

“Jay Murphy, but you can just call me, Blue.” They take his hand, shaking it. Special Agent Mitchell is older than Hawthorne, but he radiates an easygoing confidence, partially setting Blue at ease. He’s certainly more laidback than Special Agent Hawthorne, who seems to be on alert 24/7.

As he releases Blue’s hand, Special Agent Hawthorne introduces Sharky and Hurk. “These are Blue’s friends, Sharky and Hurk, who are here with them for moral support.”

“You ready to talk to him,” Special Agent Mitchell asks, jerking his thumb back towards Joseph, “That guy is a real loose bag of screws.”

Blue shifts uncomfortably at Special Agent Mitchell’s assessment of Joseph. It always felt wrong to call Joseph crazy, almost as if it was a way to let the system off the hook for failing him. Meanwhile, Sharky and Hurk laugh in agreement as Special Agent Hawthorne glares at his fellow agent. “Mitchell, we need to be professional. We don’t want to influence their views one way or the other.”

He rolls his eyes. “Relax Hawthorne. They’ve already dealt with Seed.”

“Yeah,” Sharky confirms, “We know how crazy Daddy Seed and his siblings were.”

Special Agent Mitchell laughs as Special Agent Hawthorne pinches the bridge of his nose with a sigh. “We should start briefing Blue on the proper protocol while talking with Mr. Seed.”

They nod. “Right. What do I need to know?”

“You’ll be talking to Mr. Seed alone.” The words are barely out of Special Agent Hawthorne’s mouth before Sharky and Hurk cut in.

“No way!”

“Nuh-uh!”

Blue knows Sharky and Hurk are just looking out for them, but they feel frustrated, knowing that they have to do this alone. “I have to go in there alone. I’m going to be fine; please trust me.”

“We do trust you-,” Sharky starts.

“But we don’t trust him,” Hurk finishes.

They smile comfortingly at Sharky and Hurk. “I know you don’t, but you can trust me. After all, they’re going to have safeguards to protect me, right?” Blue looks over at Special Agent Hawthorne, who nods.

“The Correction Officers already searched Mr. Seed before taking him into the private visitation room. He should not have anything on his person to hurt you with. Although, we do recommend not touching him.”

A shudder runs over Blue. “Definitely not touching him.”

“We are setting a time limit of 15 minutes, but if you have a good rapport with him, we may have you continue to talk to Mr. Seed past the 15 minute limit. You can also leave before those 15 minutes end if it gets too traumatic.” Special Agent Hawthorne explains.

“Feel free to sit there silently, Blue. You don’t have to actually speak to him,” Special Agent Mitchell chimes in helpfully, “After your time is up, you and your friends are free to leave.”

Special Agent Hawthorne looks at them seriously. “If Mr. Seed threatens you in any way, Mitchell and I will be there to protect you. We will be watching through the one-way window,” He points towards the large window, next to the door, “We will also be listening to your conversation. Mr. Seed will be cuffed to the table, which means he shouldn’t be able to touch you.”

Blue doesn’t think Joseph will hurt them, or at least, he won’t hurt them intentionally. Love and Punishment always went hand in hand for Joseph. “Okay,” they take a deep breath, “I’m ready to go in.”

“WAIT!” Sharky grabs their wrist tightly as Blue heads towards the solid metal door. “Please, don’t do this, Blue Jay. You don’t owe him anything.”

Blue pulls their wrist out of Sharky’s hand. “Yeah, I do have to face him, Sharky. I have to face him, put an end to this.” Somehow, they feel a sense of finality, the sense that Blue is at a crossroads, and they won’t be able to undo their choice. Hell, it kinda felt like the final battle, the showdown at the small Church where all this started.

Blue opens the door, shivering as they step into the cold, sterile room. The door closes behind them with a solid thunk, and Joseph’s head snaps up, cold blue eyes settling on Blue. Their chest tightens, Blue struggling to breathe. Long dormant emotions bubble up to the surface. Panic. Wrath. Guilt. Love. Their feelings towards Joseph were a complicated web, with too many strings that could not be untangled. A part of Blue longs to turn toward the door, bang, and scream to be let out. But they know what they’re here for. Eli. Virgil. Marshal Burke. John. Jacob. Faith. Abigail. Arthur. Phil. Repeating the names of the dead in their head over like a mantra, Blue heads towards the metallic chair, their eyes never leaving Joseph.

Prison had not been kind to Joseph Seed; Blue doubts it was kind to anyone. They feel fucking miserable in this room with its sickly pale, yellow walls, thick concrete floor, and ice-cold table. Joseph’s hair is pulled back in his usual bun, sporting more gray hairs than the last time they saw him. His beard also conveys more gray hairs, slightly shorter than the last time. Dark circles under his eyes give him the appearance of two black eyes, and there are more lines on his face, looking wearier than ever. Pulling out the chair, Blue takes a seat, shoving their hands in their jacket pockets. Joseph watches them expectantly as if he thinks Blue will talk first. No fucking way.

After what seems like an eternity, Joseph speaks, “Blue Jay-.”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” Blue snaps harshly, lips pulled back in a snarl. “You don’t get to call me that. Not after the goddamn shit you put me through.”

A brief flash of hurt appears on his face, but Joseph quickly composes himself. “I see, Blue,” He pauses, waiting to see if Blue will even allow him to call them that, “I did not think you would come. For so long, you had no interest in seeing me. Even now, in front of me, I scarcely believe you are real.” Joseph lets out a disbelieving laugh, reaching for Blue. His hands are stopped by the cuffs, frowning at the hindrance.

God, what a miserable fucking place. They know Joseph wants them to talk about why they didn’t visit them, and plant doubts in their head about those just trying to help them. Blue won’t let themself be manipulated by Joseph. Instead, they focus on a safer topic. “How’s prison?”

Joseph looks disappointed but seizes the chance to speak anyway. He always did love the sound of his voice. “Prison is…,” Joseph trails off momentarily, searching for the right words, “difficult. Prison is not a place that uplifts sinners and helps them achieve redemption. It is a place meant to break them, to set them in their wicked ways. I am able to help some of the lost children within these walls, but many will not listen. I continue to write, but it is difficult to get writing supplies.” He reaches for them again, the handcuffs stopping him once more. Blue flinches, out of instinct more than fear. He looks disappointed by their reaction as if Blue should know better. “I have no intention of hurting you. I miss you, Blue. I truly do. It hurt that you never came to see me. It hurts even more to know that you only came to see me out of obligation.”

“And what obligation would that be Joseph?” They feel wrath starting to simmer under their skin, the scar on their chest itching faintly.

His blue eyes stare into Blue, looking right into their soul. Joseph had a gift for manipulating people, always seeing past the façade. Their muscles tense, screaming for Blue to run, to get the hell away. Instead, they stare back, refusing to let Joseph win. “Tell me about them.”

They raise an eyebrow. “About whom?”

“The victims. I know you, Blue. Special Agent Hawthorne would not have been able to get you to come here without putting a face to the suffering.”

Wrath swells within, clawing to break free. Swallowing their wrath, Blue glares at him. “At least, I’m trying to help people. You’re just rotting in a jail cell.” They sound bitter as they lash out at Joseph. “Besides, what would you know about why I wanna help people?”

He smiles softly, and Blue realizes they might have fucked up. It’s too late to take back those words, no matter how much they want to. “Oh, Blue. I knew it from the moment I met you, from the moment you arrested me in my Church. I knew you could not see the suffering of others and turn a blind eye. You saw the suffering of Hope County, and you knew you had to help in your own misguided way. You and I are alike in that regard; we always felt the pain of others too deeply.” Joseph pauses, his face turning pensive. “Yet, we have different ways of helping. I tried to show Hope County the light, the love of the Father’s embrace. You played their hero, Hope County’s Knight in Shining Armor. You wanted to save them, the same way you wish someone would have saved you and your mother,” He smiles at them tenderly again, “I know you are only trying to help. Please Blue, tell me about them. Let me shoulder part of that burden.”

What kind of monster could look away after seeing all the shit that Eden’s Gate put Hope County through? What did Joseph expect from them? For Blue to run? It was only after being in the Bunker with him that they realized what Joseph wanted them to do. He wanted Blue to play their part, to bring the reckoning he saw come to life. Of course, he probably didn’t see the deaths of his siblings in that plan. Fuck that. If Joseph wanted to know why Blue was here, Blue would tell him. They would tell him all the goddamn gory details. “You wanna know about them, Joseph? Fine, we can do that.”

“I do want to know about them, Blue. As I said, you do not have to bear this pain alone.”

Blue lets out a bitter laugh. “Famous last words, Joseph. Fine, let’s talk about Abigail Carter. She was an investigative journalist, trying to expose your followers. Instead, she ends up at the bottom of a fucking cave. And you wanna know the best part, Joseph?” He raises an eyebrow, sensing where they might be going. “She looked like fucking Faith,” they continue, their words sharp and biting, “Guess your followers learned a fucking thing or two. Ain’t the first time that you left a Faith at the bottom of a cave?”

“Blue.” They hear the edge to his tone, the disapproving Father tone. Too bad for Joseph he can’t do anything about it.

They charge ahead. “What? Your followers picking up the wrong message? Too bad, Joseph. You should’ve stopped that a long time ago. You know, I still feel guilt for killing Faith. Do you feel guilty about leading her like a lamb to the slaughter?”

Joseph regards them coldly, his eyes narrowed. “I see you’ve given into Wrath again. Besides, you should not talk about things that you know nothing of. I loved Faith; She was the most perfect of all my Faiths. I did not kill her. Perhaps, you should take a look at the blood on your own hands.”

“I’m perfectly fucking aware of what I’m guilty of, Joseph. I just don’t think that you understand your role in her death either.” They swallow, getting back on track. “The next person your followers killed is a kid named Phil Santiago. He was the kind of guy who always did right by the people in his life. Couldn’t stop himself from helping others. Well, he just had to pick up a pair of hitchhikers, who just happen to be your followers, and…”

They trail off, remembering the vibrant way Phil smiled in his photos, so full of life and happiness. Yet, he was the one missing, probably six feet beneath the ground. “Phil sounds like a good man. The world is a darker place for his loss,” Joseph tilts his head, still watching them carefully, “Phil and Abigail are not the only reason you are here.”

Blue nods. “The final one is a farmer named Arthur Wilson. He was killed by some of your followers in a cornfield. Can’t imagine why they would want to hurt some farmer.”

His eyes narrow, speaking softly. “Does Arthur Wilson remind you of your Grandfather, Blue? I remember you telling me in the Bunker that your Grandfather was a rancher.”

Closing their eyes, Blue thinks of their Grandpa. He died several years before Blue moved to Hope County, but he had been their hero, the kind of person Blue aspired to be. Kind, determined, and honest, Grandpa had shown them that the world wasn’t a cruel place. He showed Blue that despite the terrible shit you go through, you can always choose to be a better person, to be a kinder person. They didn’t know Arthur Wilson, but something about him reminded Blue of their Grandpa. Blue nods, admitting the truth. “Yeah. Yeah, he does.”

Joseph seizes on this, finally finding a real crack in their armor. “Do you think your Grandfather is proud of you, Blue? Do you think he would be proud of you being here with me?”

Glaring at Joseph, Blue responds, “I know Grandpa would be proud of me trying to help these people. You have the chance to help them too, Joseph. I know you care for your people. This new guy is going to get them hurt. By helping the FBI, you can avoid your followers getting hurt.”

“And for what? For my children to be arrested?”

“I don’t know. I’d rather have the people I love alive rather than dead.”

The room quiets, the two staring at each other silently. After a few moments, Joseph’s face softens, letting out a sigh. Blue feels themself relax, sliding their hands out of their jacket pockets. “I did not mean for our reunion to go this way. I only wanted to understand why you are here.”

“It’s fine.” It isn’t. It will never be fine again.

“I hope that when I get out of prison, you and I will be able to see each other again.” Blue snorts in derision; Hurk Drubman Sr. had a better chance of getting elected than Joseph did getting out of prison. “I am telling you the truth, Blue. We are family. The Voice has told me that you and I will walk through the Gates of Eden together. You know this to be true.”

Blue snaps, their wrath fully kicking in. “WE ARE NOT A FAMILY!” They holler, standing up and slamming their hands down on the metal table. Blue’s heart beats loudly in their ears, the world narrowing around them. It scares Blue how good it feels to be absolutely fucking wrathful again. Meanwhile, Joseph shrinks back in his chair, hands still chained to the table. His blue eyes are wide, absolutely fucking terrified. Blue only remembers Joseph being that scared of them once.

Joseph is on the ground before them, trembling hands raised in self-defense. Around the pair, the bliss storm swirls, nausea rising in Blue’s stomach. Blue holds their shotgun up, the butt of it pointed towards Joseph. Wrath overwhelms Blue as they stare down at Joseph, panting heavily. They want to bring down the butt of the shotgun on his face, bashing it in till Joseph’s face is nothing more than a bloody pulp. They want to tear him from limb to limb, bathing in his blood. It’s what he deserves after all the hell that he put Hope County through, for all the hell he put Blue through.

Sniveling, Joseph cries, “Please Blue! Don’t do this!” His blue eyes are wide with fear, tears streaming down his cheeks. His yellow aviators are broken, the right lens missing, and the left lens cracked. Both his eyes are already starting to turn black and blue along with other bruises forming on his face. Joseph looks frightened of Blue, absolutely fucking terrified. Somewhere, deep inside Blue, a tiny voice tells them they don’t have to kill him, that this isn’t Blue. For a second, they start to lower the shotgun, listening to the tiny voice. But the Wrath wins. It quiets the tiny voice, coursing through Blue’s veins. They raise the shotgun again, preparing to slam it down in his face.

They never do.

Joseph looks behind Blue, obviously towards the windows. Blue hopes Special Agents Hawthorne and Mitchell don’t intervene. Now that they are pissed off, Blue is itching to give Joseph a goddamn piece of their mind. Joseph’s gaze returns to them, swallowing nervously. “You and I are a family, Blue. Our time in the Bunker has shown us-.”

Blue cuts him off, fury blazing in their eyes. “FAMILY?! After everything you did to me, you still want to insist we’re family?! After what you did to my friends? After murdering people I cared about? After torturing people I loved? After torturing me? After brainwashing me? After making me think that you loved me,” Tears burn at the corner of their eyes, running down Blue’s cheeks as they draw a shaky breath, “After you trapped me in that Bunker for a year? After letting me fall in love with you? What kind of fucked up family does that to each other? Why would you do that to me, Joseph? I thought…I thought…” Blue can’t bring themself to say those words, wiping at their eyes with the cuff of their jacket sleeve.

His mouth hangs slightly open, the full weight of Blue’s words bearing down on him. “Blue, I wanted to save you like everyone else. I wanted to show you the path, the Father’s loving embrace. My feelings for you were never an act. I have always loved you; I still do. Everything I did, I did because I cared.”

They laugh bitterly, shaking their head. “No, you don’t get to say that. What you did to me didn’t fucking save me, Joseph; it fucked me up. I can’t sleep without having nightmares. Eli, Vigil, and Marshal Burke haunt me in my nightmares. Jacob, John, and Faith haunt me in my nightmares. You haunt me in my nightmares. I’m paranoid, always looking over my shoulder like I’m in a fucking warzone. I’m terrified that your followers might come back for me and finish the job. I struggle to trust people because I’m afraid that they’re going to be like you. I’m scared that Jacob’s programming will kick back in one day, and I’ll just go berserk and kill all the people I love,” Blue chokes back a sob, wiping at their eyes again, “You know, the worst part isn’t what you did to me, but it’s what you did to all the people I cared about. My friends treat me like I’m fragile, like they’re scared I’m gonna break. Some days, I wonder if they expect me to finally lose it and run back to you. My mom wonders what the hell happened to her baby, and it kills her that she can’t make this all better.” They think of their mom, remembering how she reacted to the sight of Blue’s scars.

“Blue Jay, I wanted to check-.” Their mom opens the door to their room, stopping before Blue can pull on an oversized T-shirt over their tank top. After getting out of the Bunker a few weeks ago, Blue moved back with their mom and stepdad in Colorado. It was just temporary until Blue could function again. Until Blue could pretend that Joseph didn’t haunt their every waking second.

“Sorry mom, I was just changing shirts…” They trail off, as their mom’s eyes widen, hands coming up to cover her mouth. The WRATH scar is a nasty sight, red, angry letters scrawled deep and messily into their skin. Their mom steps forward with tears in her eyes. She never looks away from the WRATH scar, guilt bright in her warm, blue eyes. “Mom, it isn’t….”

She uncovers her mouth. “Did he do that to you? That…That…” Their mom can’t say Joseph’s name. She just refers to him as that man, the words sounding like a curse.

Blue shakes their head. “No, mom. He didn’t do that to me; His brother is the one who did it.” Blue and their mom stand in silence as Blue watches tears roll down their mom’s cheeks. They fall into an old habit, shrugging off the pain and hurt like it’s nothing. “I’m okay, mom,” They lie, grabbing the t-shirt and pulling it on, “Go downstairs. I’ll join you in a few.”

Their mom frowns, her eyes finally meeting Blue’s. “Blue Jay, you don’t have to pretend-.”

“I’m okay, mom. Really!” They plaster a smile on their face. Blue can do this, pretend that they’re still normal and not fucked up. Their mom’s shoulders drop as she realizes they won’t change their mind. She nods, leaving Blue alone in the silence of their room. Blue takes a deep breath, only realizing now that they’re shaking. Grabbing their hoodie, Blue pulls it on, heading out of their room. They walk down the familiar brown carpeted hall of the house that used to belong to their Grandpa but now belonged to their mom. As Blue reaches the top of the staircase, they hear the soft sounds of sobbing. Kneeling by the top of the staircase, out of sight, Blue looks down to find their mom on the couch with their stepdad.

“Shh..Shh..It’s alright, honey,” Blue’s stepdad drawls, rubbing their mom’s back as she sobs into his chest.

“You didn’t-You didn’t see it," She cries, an echoing sound of grief, “He carved up my Blue Jay, and now, they’re trying to pretend as if nothing happened. Why did he do it to my Blue Jay?” Another keening wail rings out, and Blue stands up. They hear their mom continue to cry. “Why did he do that to my Blue Jay? Why?”

Wrath burns within them, and Blue turns, itching to give Joseph a piece of their mind. Their hands reach out, aiming to grab him by the shoulders and shake Joseph. “YOU-,” Blue snarls quietly, turning to berate Joseph. All they find is an empty hallway, no Joseph to be seen. It’s not the first time they’ve turned to say something to Joseph after emerging from the Bunker. They’re just used to seeing him there, always in the corner of their eye. He was a constant in their life, and now, he was gone.

Guilt weighs heavily on Blue’s shoulders, a tired, empty feeling washing over them. They want to run down to their mom and tell her that this wasn’t her fault, that this wasn’t anyone’s fault. Instead, they walk back to their room, closing the door silently behind them. Blue gets into their bed, burying themself beneath the blankets. Looking at their nightstand, Blue catches sight of a framed photo, one of their Grandpa. It was the first time they managed to drag him hiking, their Grandpa smiling with Blue as the pair enjoyed the nature around them. Grabbing the photo, Blue pulls it close against their chest, muffling their cries into their pillow. “I wish you here, Grandpa,” they cry quietly into their pillow, “You would know what to do; You would know how to make this right.”

Wiping their eyes, Blue stares at Joseph, determined to put him behind them once and for all. “I should hate you for all you’ve done to me, Joseph, but I can’t. You will always have a part of my heart. But I’m not going to take all the shit you throw at me under the guise of love and caring,” giving him a small, relieved smile, Blue continues, “I hope you have a good life, Joseph, just know that I want no part of it.”

The door opens behind the pair, and Blue looks over their shoulder to see Special Agent Hawthorne in the doorway. He looks concerned for Blue as he clears his throat. “The fifteen minutes are up. If you would like, you can leave now, Blue.”

They don’t look at Joseph as they turn away from the table. Heading towards the door, Blue takes a deep breath. Behind them, Joseph screams. “BLUE! DON’T WALK AWAY FROM ME!” They hear him sob, calling their name. “PLEASE COME BACK, BLUE! DON’T GO!”

Special Agent Hawthorne allows them to step through the door, closing it afterward. The closed door muffles the sounds of Joseph’s desperate screaming. Glaring at Special Agent Hawthorne, Blue states firmly, “Don’t call me if you need him to talk.”

“Hey, Blue Jay, are you-?” Sharky doesn’t finish as Blue crashes into him for a hug. They wrap their arms tightly around him, burying their face in Sharky’s sweatshirt. He smells like gasoline and smoke, familiar and comforting which is what they need. He instinctively wraps his arm around Blue, rubbing their back. Hurk joins the hug, sandwiching Blue between the two men. “It’s gonna be okay, Blue Jay.”

“You’re gonna do all right, Amigo,” Hurk echoes.

“I know,” Blue replies, a sudden weariness, and emptiness taking over them, “I just wanna get out of here.”

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