I get trying to be a good and nice teacher and district policy and whatnot but I’m just saying if your students don’t do the work, fail them.

Angry Little Guy

My Hero Acadameia - Kirishima/Bakugou

A/N: heyyy haven’t written in a hot minute (again lmao)!! my mental health has been taking a tolls recently so writing has been hard, but i still hope y’all enjoy what i wrote today!! i love these boys sm and i hope to write some more for them in the future :) hope u enjoy!! xx

Summary: After Ms. Joke visits the school and forces Bakugou to laugh after he was being a grumpy-butt in class, Kirishima can’t help that he just wants to hear that cute little laugh again. But when Bakugou refuises to laugh any other way, Kirishima decides to use some...persuasive methods :))

Word Count - 2,550

—

Today was a physical training day for Class 1A, all the students gathering in the training gym in their matching blue and red outfits ready for whatever task Aizawa had prepared for them that day. Aizawa’s demeanor today, however, was just a little…off. Sure, he was being hs regular boring, monotonous self, but something about the way his eyes seemed to sink deeper into their sockets, and the way his back seemed somehow more slouched than usual, showed that the class’s teacher was a little more annoyed today than he already was regularly.

“Does Aizawa-Sensei seem more…upset than usual?” Kirishima scratched his neck worriedly, heck cocked as he watched Aizawa pinch the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t know, man, the guy’s never exactly been the bubbly type. Maybe he just got less sleep than normal,” Denki shrugged, his eyes also meeting the groggy teacher stood in front of their whole class. “What do you think, Bakugou? Think Aizawa woke up on the wrong side of the bed or what?”

“Shut the fuck up, Sparkplug, he’s about to start class,” Bakugou grumbled, not even glancing down at his bright blonde counterpart for a second.

“Okay everyone, it’s time to shut up,” Aizawa spoke loudly, his eyes tense as he stared the teens in front of him down. The mumbles in the room went silent as Aizawa began his lesson. “Today’s gonna be a little…different. Despite my pleas against this, you’ll be taught your training by a different pro-hero today from Ketsubutu High.”

Muffled whispers slowly rose up from the crowd of teens before Aizawa, mumbling predictions of who the hell could be teaching them today and why it wasn’t someone already from their school. Of course, as always, Iida’s hand was the first to shoot up and question this strange decision.

“Aizawl-Sensei, why are we being taught by a teacher from another school? Why not use any of the many teachers we have available at UA?”

“Unfortunately, Nezu believes it would be best for you all to not only be trained by the same heroes, as you need to widen your options for training techniques, especially considering many of you need to learn better techniques of distraction. Which is exactly why they’ve brought in-“

“Helloooo~!” The gym doors behind the students’ burst open, a female figure standing in the doorway with her hands on his hips and a bright, wide smile imprinted on her face.

“Oh no way!” Sero pointed excitedly towards the woman. “It’s Ms. Joke!”

“That’s right, future pro-heroes!” Ms. Joke began making her way over toward Aizawa, his glare on her intensifying with every step she got closer.

“Ohhh, now I get why he’s been so moody all morning,” Kiri whispered to Denki, the two sharing a knowing glance as they both grinned.

“Joke, why are you so late? You were supposed to be here an hour ago so we could discuss-“

“Oh cmon, Eraser, don’t be so serious! Just got caught up in a little morning traffic is all, plus spreading a few smiles along the way!” Joke grinned widely at the stoic man beside her. “Y’know, I’m always happy to spread a few more smiles as long as they’re coming from your cute little face-“

“That’s enough, Joke. Please get on with the lesson,” Aizawa rolled his eyes, refusing to look over at his extremely smiley counterpart.

“Whatever you say, future husband!”

“Not your future husband-“

“Okay guys! So who here knows about my quirk and can explain it properly to the rest of the class?” Joke asked, followed by multiple hands shooting up into the air, Deku’s even waving about excitedly (as this IS his favorite thing in the world to discuss).

“Hmm…how about…you! Mr. Grumpy in the front!” Joke exclaimed, pointing towards Bakugou. His arms were crossed in contempt, eyes glaring into Joke’s happy persona like his gaze alone could burn right through it.

“I didn’t even raise my hand,” Bakugou scowled at his higher-up, his stance never wavering. “How do you know I have any idea who you are?”

Ms. Joke smirked at Katsuki. “Y’know, teachers talk, Bakugou,” the mention of his name made his eyes grow a little wide in surprise, not expecting her to know him by name. “Sure, I know you from the sports festival, but I also know you from a little more than that. I know that you’re an angry little guy who doesn’t like not being at the top, and you find satisfaction in knowing more than your peers. I also know you’re very smart, and you’re well educated on the status of most- if not all- pro-heroes today.  So, I’ll ask again; can you please explain to the class what my quirk is and how it functions?”

A silent but stressed pause fell over the group of teens. None of them had expected Joke to get so analytical on Bakugou like that, and it made them all feel a little fearful of what the “angry little guy” had to say next to her next. Bakugou’s glare on the woman deepened, his brow furrowing slightly.

“You can make people laugh uncontrollably, basically making it easier for you to fight them with one-on-one combat. And if you want me to be honest,” Bakugou’s face contorted into an ugly smirk, his arms crossing tighter as his body leaned in ever so slightly towards the hero. “-it’s one of the lamest quirks I’ve ever seen from a pro-hero.”

The air in the room was suddenly 10x thicker than before, almost making it harder for the students to catch a healthy breath. Ms. Joke only smiled fondly at the teen before her, walking closer to him until they were face-to-face.

“Y’know Bakugou…ever since I saw you perform at the sports festival, seeing you so red-faced and angry the whole time, I couldn’t help but wonder…” Joke’s hands went to her hips as Bakugou’s smirk slowly began to fade. “…does that guy ever really laugh?”

Suddenly and without warning, Bakugou began belting out one of the screechiest laughs anyone in that gym had ever heard in their lives. His arms came down to his stomach, harshly crushing his abdomen as if this would cease the laughs at any capacity. After a second, one of his hands shot towards his mouth, after he must’ve finally realized how embarrassingly girly his laugh must’ve sounded.

“Oh my god, no way! Bakugou can laugh!” Denki shouted, pointing at the hysterical boy in front of him. The rest of the class erupted into giggles, unable to contain it after hearing that contagious laugh leave that angry little man.

“SHUHUHUT UHUP! THIS ISN’T FAHAHAHAIR!” Bakugou’s screams were muffled behind his hand, but it did nothing to mask the laughs coming out of the boy.

“So, is anyone who didn’t know about my quirk starting to get how it works?” Joke giggled, Bakugou now crumbling to the floor on his knees without even meaning to. After another moment, his laughs began to die down to soft titters, before standing back up on shaky legs. To his dismay, his face was flushed an adorable shade of pink, and though everyone noticed it, no one dared to make a comment. His eyes made their way to Joke’s, an angry flash of light glaring from them.

“YOU MADE YOUR POINT YET, HAG?!” Bakugou shouted, his hands in a combat position by his sides, making small explosions not big enough to hurt a fly from his palms.

“Yes, actually. I think we’re ready to move on to the lesson at hand!”

-

“Man, I still feel sore after training today. Who knew Ms. Joke could be so ruthless at hand to hand combat!” Kirishima exclaimed, massaging his shoulder before turning back to his homework in his lap. He was sat crisscross on Bakugou’s bed, with said explosive teen leaning against the wall behind him also working on his homework.

“Whatever, Shitty-hair, it wasn’t that bad,” Bakugou rolled his eyes, earning him a shove on the knee from the red haired teen beside him.

“You’re just mad she had you laughing like a little girl in front of the class and you KNOW it!” Kiri chuckled.

“Hell yeah I’m mad, I’m fucking pissed! That hag had no right to do that, it made me look like a fucking idiot!” Bakugou grumbled throwing his head back and hitting the wall with a thud.

“Oh cmon, it wasn’t that bad, it was adorable! You should totally laugh like that more often, Bakubro. I know I’d sure love to hear it,” Kiri giggled, looking up at Bakugou, noting the small tinge of crimson painting his cheeks. He decided to be nice and not say anything, just like he had been at training.

“I’m not adorable, fuckface, and after that whole stunt I don’t think I’ll ever laugh again.”

“Bakubro, you know I can’t have that! I’ve gotta get my dose of Kats giggles every once and awhile, even if I have to pull em outta ya!” Kiri snickered, playfully shoving Bakugou in the shoulder. “In fact, I wanna hear you laugh right now! Cmon, gimme them giggles!”

Bakugou just looked up at Kirishima with the most blank expression he could possibly pull. Kirishima pouted, grabbing his and the other boy’s homework and moving it to the other side of the bed.

“Shitty-hair, I was working on that-!”

“Ah ah ah, Bakubro, you can get right back to your work as soon as I hear that laugh of yours that I heard earlier today!” Kirishima moved to sit cross-legged in front of Bakugou, giving him the dopiest smile he could pull in hopes to get the boy to giggle even a little.

Nothing.

“Kiri, I can’t just laugh on command. You’ve gotta do something funny, and you’re not a funny fucking person,” Bakugou’s expression remained partially blank, but Kirishima could spot that hint of mischievousness behind his eyes that got him all worked up and playful.

“Hmm…well, while I might disagree with you on that, it’s really hard to make you laugh. And trust me, I know that from experience,” Kirishima brought his hand up to scratch at his chin, looking Bakugou in the eyes experimentally. Then, a lightbulb went off over Kiri’s head.

“Hey, Bakugou?”

“Um…yes?”

“Are you ticklish?” Bakugou remained unwavered, but Kirishima could tell that question made the blood boy uneasy.

“No. Can I get back to my work now, Shitty-hair?”

“I already told you, we aren’t working until I hear you laugh. And, I don’t believe you.”

“Well you should, because I’m not.”

“Then can I?” Bakugou furrowed his brows confusedly at the question.

“Can you what?” Bakugou asked, his head leaning back in confusion.

“Can I tickle you? Y’know, since you aren’t ticklish.”

“No, that’s a stupid question, why would you tickle someone who isn’t-“ suddenly, Bakugou’s words halted as Kirishima grabbed the boy by his shoulders and turned him to push his back onto the bed. He sat down on the boys waist, pinning his hands beneath his knees, effectively trapping them. “WHAT THE HELL, SHITTY-HAIR?!”

“What? You said you aren’t ticklish, so this-“ Kirishima pulled Bakugou’s shirt up just above his lower ribs, before lightly and slowly tracing shapes into the boys sides. “-shouldn’t bother you at all.”

Bakugou’s entire body was as stiff as a board, his eyes shut tight and his mouth shut even tighter. His teeth grinder against one another and titter after titter left his lips against his mind’s wishes.

“Kiri- I- Stop- hehe-wait, just hold on a minutehehe-“ Bakugou giggled lightly, his hands struggling beneath Kiri’s knees. Then, Kirishima began digging his fingers into his ribs, and that’s when all hell broke loose for the explosive boy beneath him.

“WAHRHEIT! STOHOHOHOP! NOT FAIR! NOT FAHAHAHAIR!” Bakugou twisted and turned his body, but to absolutely no avail. Kirishima was massaging circles into Bakugou’s lower ribs, and the hysterical boy under him just couldn’t take it. “See? Now THIS is what I wanted to hear, Bakubro!” Kirishima moved his right hand down to skitter his nails on the boy's lower belly, resulting in high pitched squealy giggles to leave the Bakugou's lips. "Aw, you're so ticklish! I never expected this from you, it's so cute!" Kirishima cooed, only making Bakugou's laughs to grow more frantic and panicked.

"NOHOHO! NOHOHOT CUHUHUTE! NOT CUHUHUHU- AHAHAHA!" The boy's words trailed off into even more giggles as Kirishima brought his left hand down to sueeze at his hips. "NOHOHOT THEHERE! PLEASE! I CAHAHAHANT!"

"Aww, is this a bad spot, Bakugou?~ Is it really ticklish right there?~" Kirishima teased, now moving both hands down to sueeze and spider over his hips, which proved to be one of his worst spots so far.

"YEHEHES! TIHIHICKLES!" Bakugou screamed, his legs kicking out frantically behind Kiri as the red-head experimentally moved his fingers upwards and dipped into his bellybutton.

Bakugou let out the most high pitched scream Kirishima had ever heard.

"Oh my god, dude! Is it that bad here?" Kirishima used one nail to scratch at the inside walls of the navel, while another finger skittered around the entire button.

"BAHAHAHAD! SO BAHAHAD! PLEHEHEASE!" Bakugou whined, small prickles of tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"Alright, alright, i'll quit. But-" Kirishima halted momentarily, his nails resting on Bakugou's lower tummy without moving. Even with the lack of movement, Bakugou couldn't help the small giggles that left his lips, his childish giggle box already turned on it's head, making those unmoving nails feel like their skittering all over his tummy. "-first you have to admit that your laugh is adorable."

Bakugou's eyes widened. "What?! Are you crazy?! I'm not gonna say something like th-hehehe!" Kirishima slowly began skittering over his lower tummy again, his fingers slowly but surely getting closer and closer towards his navel.

"Bakugou, you are way too ticklish to just not comply with me right now. Just say what I want and I'll let you go," Kirishima smiled, bringing one hand up to skitter at his lower ribs, resulting in a surprise shriek and louder giggles from the boy. "Unless...you don't want me to stop?"

Bakugou's entire face turned beet red, and this time Kirishima just couldn't help himself. "Aw, Bakugou~! Y'know, you're way more of a blusher than you'd like to admit, but that's just another thing that makes you intesnely adorable. So say it! Say you're adorbale!"

"Nohoho! I cahaha- Kiri plehehease! Don't make mehehe!" Bakugou whined, twisting his body as if trying to escape the unstoppable fingers on his torso.

"Cmon Kats~ Just say those two magic little words~"

"Alrihihight!" Bakugou shut his eyes tight, turning his face as much as he could to try and smush his words into the mattress. "I'm...I'm adorablehehe..."

Kirishima finally halted his fingers and moved them off the boy's body, but still not getting up off of his waist. "See? Was it that hard?"

"Yes!" Bakugou whined, finally pulling his hands out from under Kirishima's legs after the red-head gave him some leverage to, shoving them into his face to mask the ever-growing blush and smile emerging.

"You're too cute for me, Kats. I don't think I can handle it," Kirishima smiled fondly at the boy underneath him, his heart swelling in his chest unbeknownst to that angry little giggly guy.

-

A/N: i hope u enjoyed!! i just love lee!bakugou so i rlly couldn’t help myself LMAOO he’s so cute wtf :(( anyways, if u enjoyed this pls consider liking and reblogging!! reblogging is much more appreciated as it helps spread my fic to more ppl :)) love u!! xx

Probably no one will care about me talking about this, but I was just thinking about Brad and Claire and the way they are as personalities. Claire is very intelligent, very academically minded, detail-oriented. Brad is a foil to that being more flexible, less exacting, and more of a free spirit. I feel like people see Brad as like not intellectual or intelligent in the same way as Claire or some of his other peers for that matter, but I think they are two sides of the same coin. I could be projecting, but I think the main difference between Claire and Brad is their ability to navigate traditional academic structures. They are both very intelligent, but since Claire's intelligence and skillset lies in mastering the skills required to succeed in the US school system she was likely praised heavily. Brad's intelligence isn't expressed in a way that is best suited for the way US schools operate. Throughout my own school career I heard OVER and OVER again that I needed to apply myself more because I was a straight A student and profoundly intelligent, but I didn't put those brains to use in a way that many of my teachers or parents saw fit. For me, school was never a safe space. Not only because of the bullying I was experiencing BECAUSE of my intelligence and the way that that manifested and made me different than my classmates, but also the fact that I was in most areas completely understimulated by the work I was doing while profoundly struggling to the point of a learning disability in one subject area. So hearing that messaging was so frustrating because I from a very young age understood how to work the system to my advantage while putting in just enough effort to get above average grades and continue to disappoint everyone in my life. I was someone who everyone expected to be a 4.0 student in HS, my classmates recognized that I was often smarter than them even if my grades or effort didn't match. I carried this into college where I finally was able to realize in a bigger slightly more competitive environment that I actually could stand up and even in some cases hold my own against other students. In that time, I also realized how well and truly I am not destined for academia. My overwhelming amounts of academic trauma and lifelong experience of not being challenged intellectually has tainted any love I may have for that environment. In contrast, my sister was very traditionally intelligent, academics were relatively easy, but more importantly she worked well under the circumstances and type of learning required for success. Through her I realized that your experience of how other people perceive your level of intelligence makes a BIG difference in shaping your personality.

All of that to say, going back to Brad and Claire, Brad strikes me as someone who is actually deeply intelligent but because of the way that was not utilized or expressed it doesn't immediately come across. Where as with Claire it's immediately obvious she is extremely well-educated and well-read because she has probably always been someone who has thrived in academic environments and thus is a big part of her forward presenting personality.

I don't know why I care so much about this, it's probably just me being a armchair psychologist for people I don't really know, but I think it's interesting to think about and deconstruct the way people present themselves whether they are public video personalities or just our friends.

Pieces | Sana

Genre: angst, fluff?

Wordcount: 2053

Request: can i request a sanaxfem!reader scenario hs au in which sana’s the popular girl who’s embarrassed of her relationship with the reader so she hides it and she pretends to like one of the boys so reader breaks up with her and she stars dating the boy but she’s deeply in love with the reader?

It was unfair. When you thought about it in hindsight, you didn’t even have a chance. Sana was pretty, smart and incredibly funny. Of course, you had to fall for her, just like everybody else in school. Everyone loved her. She was the cheerleading captain, boys drooled over her and girls wanted to be her. The only question that remained, though, was why she had fallen for you.

It started when your teacher had asked you to tutor her in math. She desperately needed to pull up her grade in order to stay the cheerleading captain. You thought that she would be arrogant and hard to tutor, but you were proven wrong. She was sweet and incredibly grateful that you were willing to help her, bringing you small gifts every lesson. And so your downfall began.

You were helpless against her flirting and she was merciless. She would just bluntly tell you, how pretty she thought you were and would just randomly hold your hand. You were so caught up in her maze that you didn’t see one big, red flag. She only behaved that way when it was just the two of you alone in the library. Whenever she saw you outside your lessons in the hallway, you were like air to her. Not even worthy a glance. You were taken aback but used to it.

You were never one of the popular kids. That’s why you were so excited when Sana asked you to meet up outside of school. You started to meet once a week, but eventually you saw each other almost every day. But you would never stroll around town or visit popular spots. It was mostly in the shelter of one of your homes. Sometimes Sana would take you to her favorite spot. It was a beautiful pond in the forest that hardly anyone knew of. You sat there for hours talking about your plans for the future. And although it wasn’t a date in a fancy café downtown, you didn’t care. As long as you were with Sana, your world was complete.

So when she asked you to be her girlfriend after a month, you were more than ecstatic and accepted, thinking that if she were officially yours, things would change. But now 6 months later, you still played the same game. Sana and you never held hands in public. Actually, you never even walked side by side, because Sana still ignored you whenever you were at school. At home, however, she would cook for you. Let you choose the movie. Let you snuggle into her embrace and whisper compliments into your ear. You started to get a whiplash from all her hot and cold. But whenever you tried to talk about it with her, she somehow managed to dodge the talk and say things like,

“This relationship is between you and me. Why should others take part in it?”

A sweet smile would be on her lips and you would be satisfied with her answer.

Now, you started to regret your naivety. You were standing at your locker, eyes fixed on your girlfriend who was obviously flirting with the football team captain Chan. She leaned against her locker, playing with the hem of his jacket, while giving him puppy dog eyes. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. Ignoring you was one thing, but flirting with someone else right before your eyes? Maybe you should have realized earlier, how upset you really were by Sana’s behavior, because right now all your bottled-up anger made its way to the surface.

If looks could kill, the football team wouldn’t have a captain the rest of the season. You slammed your locker shut, fed up from observing the play in front of you any longer. In the corner of your eye, you could see that your reaction caught the attention of your girlfriend who stepped back from Chan and followed you with her eyes while you were going your way. You wanted her to chase behind you.

But of course, she didn’t.

Instead, you were sitting alone in the schoolyard, deciding that it had no sense to hold on to something that wasn’t even real. When you came home that day, you prepared mentally for the talk that was about to come. You knew that Sana wouldn’t let you go that easily, but you needed to let her go. This wasn’t healthy.

A few hours later, you heard the doorbell ring and opened the door wordlessly, immediately going back to your room. Sana followed you like a lamb to the slaughter, sitting down on your bed with a guilty look on her face. She knew that she was in trouble, but she didn’t expect your next words.

“It’s over, Sana.”

Her head snapped up and shock was visible in her eyes.

“W...What do you mean?”

She stuttered, panic starting to lace her voice.

“Our relationship, or whatever this is. I’m tired of it. I don’t want to be your puppet anymore.”

For a moment, Sana fell silent, before leaping to her feet and making her way over to you.

“Y/N. You’re not my puppet. You’re my girlfriend and I l...”

“Save your words. You are not going to sweet-talk yourself out of this.”

You interrupted her harshly. You might have been naïve, but you weren’t an idiot. You only fell for the same trap so often before you realized your mistake.

“Please, Y/N. Listen to...”

“No! I want you out of here. And out of my life!”

You were beginning to get upset. Sana had never seen you this way, taking a back step in surprise. She was about to speak up again, but you gestured her to save it and leave the room. She was clearly torn but decided that she had hurt you enough and left you alone.

Once you heard the door close downstairs, you broke down. Sobs were leaving your throat loudly and tears stained your shirt and the floor. You might have managed to let Sana go, but she definitely took your heart with her.

You spent the weekend in your bed, only leaving it to get some unhealthy food and to change from your pajamas into your sweats and back again. One TV show after the other just became background noise to your own thoughts. You were thinking about everything you had experienced with Sana. As much as you wanted to regret everything and delete it from your memories, you couldn’t. Of course, your relationship was flawed, maybe wrong from the start, but the way Sana treated you whenever you were alone, had been the purest form of love you had ever experienced. You refused to believe that everything was fake.

Your faith in Sana’s love would be put to the test, though. When you came back to school after the weekend, you could feel turmoil in the air. Students were whispering everywhere and you began to become curious. When you were standing at your locker, you overheard some cheerleaders gossiping next to you.

“Have you heard that she hooked up with him?”

“Oh my god, no way.”

“Why are you so surprised? It was clear that Sana and Chan would end up together?”

Sana? Your stomach turned at the mentioning of her name. Is that what you meant to her? How could she have been able to hook up with another person, while you were crying in your bed? Tears were making their way into your eyes and you needed some air. You abruptly turned around, just to run into another person. It was Chan. And in his hand, he was tightly clutching Sana’s. You searched for her eyes in disbelief, the tears now spilling freely. She looked at you with regret, opening and closing her mouth, but no words actually left it.

“Watch it, loser.”

Chan’s words were the last ones you heard, before you ran out the building. You knew that you had classes that you should attend, but you just couldn’t think rational right know. You ran with no clear destination in mind until you finally found yourself at the pond, Sana had always taken you. You sat down on the waterfront, hugging your own legs and letting your tears stream freely.

You didn´t know how long you stayed that way and only moved when a hand suddenly touched your shoulder, making you jump in surprise. When you turned around, you could hardly make out Sana behind your blur of tears. Seeing your state, she was quick to wrap her arms around you. Your desperation getting the best of you, you buried your head into her shoulder, clinging to her shirt, in need to hold on to something in order to not lose your mind.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry.”

Sana repeated over and over again, tears leaving her eyes now as well. The both of you sat there in the comfort of the one breaking the others heart until there were no tears left to cry. You pulled back to look Sana into her eyes,

“What are you doing here Sana?”

You asked defeated, not knowing who the girl in front of you actually was. How could she be so loving one minute and hook up with a stranger the other?

“I knew you would be here.”

She said silently, avoiding your gaze.

“So suddenly you care about me?”

You spat out, the endless hot and cold leaving you frustrated.

“I always cared about you, Y/N. And I’m sorry that I didn’t always show it.”

Sana answered, reaching for your face with her hand, but retrieving from touching you, when she remembered that she broke your heart.

“Just tell me how. How could you be over me so soon? Was it all fake?”

You asked desperately. You needed to know whether you were the only one left heartbroken.

“Of course not.”

Sana answered immediately, desperation now also visible in her face.

“Please, Y/N. Curse me. Do whatever you want. But please believe me that I love you. I always have. And the only reason, I hooked up with Chan was, because I felt so empty after you told me to leave. I hated myself for hurting you, so I drank, and I just wanted to feel anything, but that void you left. Although you let me go, you still have my heart.”

Sana’s words were spilling out her mouth, tumbling over each other. When you looked at her, you could recognize the same look that you had in your eyes. She was broken. Just like you.

“Please. I’m going to be better. I will not hide our relationship anymore. I will shout it from the rooftop if you want. Can we just please continue from where we were before all of this happened?”

She was looking pleadingly into your eyes. You could see that she meant it.

“No.”

You answered shortly, making Sana’s head fall to her chest in defeat.

“Our relationship had been wrong from the start. We shouldn’t have pretended that we were fine. The fact that you hid our relationship must have had a reason. But I was too caught up in everything to realize. We both made mistakes. I don’t want us to continue this toxic relationship, but we can start over if you’re willing to.”

Sana couldn’t believe what she had just heard, snapping her head up, ready to tackle you into an embrace, but you held your finger up.

“Under one condition.”

You warned.

“Anything.”

Sana answered excitedly, just wanting to leave this black chapter behind.

“We have to do better this time. I don’t doubt your love for me. But we have to communicate better. No secrets from now on. Neither in our relationship, nor for everyone else.”

You set your conditions, earning several nods from Sana.

“I promise.”

She smiled, but you could see hesitation in her eyes.

“Can I kiss you now?”

She asked sheepishly, scratching her neck. As soon as you nodded, she tackled you to the ground, capturing your bottom lip with her lips. You wrapped your arms around her neck, pulling her as close as you could.

Maybe the both of you were broken. But if you put your pieces together, maybe you could be complete again.

Book Review: Amber and Clay by Laura Amy Schlitz & Julia Iredale (2021)

(Full disclosure: I received a free ARC for review through Edelweiss and Library Thing's Early Reviewers program. Content warning for child abuse, animal abuse, and sexual assault.)

The children I spoke of before were like that. They weren’t alike, but they fit together, like lock and key. The boy, Rhaskos, was a slave boy. Unlucky at first. A Thracian boy—(Thrace is north of Greece) —redheaded, nervy, neglected. A clever boy who was taught he was stupid. A beautiful boy whose mother scarred him with a knife. The girl, Melisto, started life lucky. A rich man’s daughter, and a proper Greek. Owl-eyed Melisto: a born fighter, prone to tantrums, hating the loom. A wild girl, chosen by Artemis, and lucky, as I said before— except for one thing: she died young. This is their story. When it's over, if you like, you can tell me what it means.

"I want to tell you the things I never told anyone, in case this is my last chance. When I was alive, I didn’t talk much. So much of what I felt was a secret. I think that’s what I loved about the bear. Neither of us had any words."

Again we walked and talked. I never talked to anyone like that. No one ever talked like that to me. I talk to you still, Melisto. I’ve been talking to you ever since.

The red-haired boy variously known as Rhaskos, Thrax, and Pyrrhos is many things, though few of his masters care to know. He's Thracian nobility, with the scars to prove it - and also a slave, belonging to the wealthy Alexidemus and his soldier son Menon in Thessaly, and then to a humble potter named Phaistus in Athens. He loves horses and is as adept at handling them as he will one day become at drawing and sculpting them. He is a contemporary and friend of Sokrates, though he is powerless to stop his execution. He is an orphan, with a dolphin for a mother; a mother who loves him so fiercely that she curses a ghost to help set him free. He is like clay: common at first glance, but also not; capable of transmuting into creations lovely, clever, and full of value.

The owl-eyed girl called Melisto is seemingly as lucky as Rhaskos is not: the only child of a wealthy Athenian, Melisto wants for nothing. But she is a wild (read: untamed) girl child in a rigidly gendered society that has already predetermined Melisto's future for her: marriage, motherhood, a life of quiet domesticity. When, at the age of ten, Melisto is chosen to serve the goddess Athena as a Little Bear, her life opens up before her at Brauron; this is who she was meant to be. Like all good things, it cannot last.

Rhaskos and Melisto's destinies collide when Melisto frees a bear cub that is to be sacrificed to Athena. Or maybe their paths met even earlier, when Meda/Thratta was ripped from her toddler son. Perhaps the gods nudged them towards each other from birth. Alternately, the gods have nothing to do with it. Who can say? (Hermes, maybe. He has a lot to say and loves to hear himself talk!)

AMBER AND CLAY is ... not what I expected. Normally I'd steer clear of a contemporary (or any!) book styled after the ancient, epic poems (I positively labored through THE ODYSSEY and THE ILIAD in high school!), but the visual element sucked me in. I was under the (mistaken!) impression that AMBER AND CLAY would be heavier in illustrations than it actually is, almost as though part graphic novel. As it turns out, the illustrations - of archaeological artifacts - are a little sparser than I hoped, but they tie into the narrative quite nicely and add another layer of wonder and surprise to the story. The "exhibits" are really well done and do not disappoint.

Additionally, the synopsis had me thinking that this would be a supernatural romance; and while AMBER AND CLAY is indeed a love story, Rhaskos and Melisto are entirely too young to hook up, even by the time they finally meet near the story's end. (It's hard not to envision them - especially Rhaskos - as older than they are, both because the story seemingly stretching across years, and so much happens to these crazy kids to last several lifetimes.) Instead, this is a different kind of love story: AMBER AND CLAY tells of the love between a mother and her son; a father and his daughter; a teacher and his students; a girl and a bear; a ghost and her tether to the earth.

And despite my reservations about those epic poems, Schlitz both honors the form and breathes new life into it. While Melisto tells her story in prose, Rhaskos speaks in verse; and the gods sometimes address us commoners in turn-counterturn, occasionally using more complicated linguistic techniques like elegian couplets (which I barely recollect from HS English). This all sounds incredibly tricky and complicated (and undoubtedly is), but Schlitz pulls it off without a hitch. AMBER AND CLAY is fun and engaging, with a surprising sense of humor and expert sense of dramatic flair.

“Oh, Phaistus, look at his hair! He’ll be beautiful once he’s healed. We’ll call him Pyrrhos!” As if I were a dog. Pyrrhos means fiery. Half the red-haired slaves in Athens are called Pyrrhos.

It is, dare I say, exceedingly readable.

Honestly, I let out a little groan when I saw the "Cast of Characters" on page one, complete with various households and multiple monikers for the same people; but the story, the characters, their relationships to one another - all are easy enough to follow.

Schlitz's characters, both those based on historical figures and those spun from imagination and whimsy, are so full of life that they practically jump off the page. Rhaskos and Melisto; Meda and Lysandra; Phaistus and Zosima; Menon and Lykos; and, of course, Sokrates. Likewise, her descriptions of Greek life and customs left me hungering to learn more. Naturally, the most fascinating custom - that of the Little Bears of Brauron - is also that which we know the least about.

The scenes featuring Melisto and the bear cub are among my favorite in the book. In a story filled with animal sacrifice, this little slice of compassion and respect is life-affirming; to wit:

It turned in slow circles and collapsed with its rump pressed against her thigh. Melisto put one hand on it. It seemed to her that she had never touched anything more real than the bear cub.

For a moment her mind slipped back into the past. She recalled the bruises she had carried from her mother’s pinches, and the sore patches on her scalp from Lysandra’s hair-pulling. She remembered the loathing in her mother’s face that struck terror into her soul. She had never been afraid of the bear like that.

and

On the nights when she waded into the bay and watched the moon, she was barely conscious of the fact that it was she who saw, and the moon that was being watched. In the same way, she did not measure how much she loved the bear. She was the bear.

Likewise, Rhaskos's interactions with Grau/Phoibe are so wonderfully tender, my heart aches just to think back on them. From the moment he renames her (grau means hag) - a change of name that's much more respectful than those Rhaskos was forced to accept - Rhaskos treats his donkey charge with decency and kindness. The same kindness that he himself longs for.

Animals know when things get better. People might not know, but animals do. That very first day, Grau knew I was going to be good to her and I swear to you, she was glad.

Cue the "what is this salty discharge" gifs.

AMBER AND CLAY is such a beautiful story, and I'm glad I took a chance on it. Iambic pentameter be damned.      

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3861642614 

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun: Chapter 9 - The Young Exorcist (Part 1)

Previously: we’ve dealt with the confession tree, and Hanako and Yashiro filled my heart with feelings. It was a mostly light-hearted chapter, with a lot of funny moments but that last scene we had with them was very sweet and a solid foundation for their relationship to keep growing. I’m glad that we could see that even if Hanako does have a very teasing nature, he actually seems to genuinely care about Yashiro and he can be serious when he needs to be.

Now onto the next chapter!

Ohhhh okay it seems we are shifting the focus onto the Minamoto brothers with a flashback (I’m guessing the Minamoto-senpai Yashiro had a crush on is Kou’s older brother because same last name and they do look alike (fun fact: I mistoke them from one another when Kou was first introduced because of their looks and because we don’t know the older brother’s first name, but then I noticed they had different colour hair. I guess I would have been more confused if I hadn’t been watching the anime)

Anyway, the flashback. It seems to be set when senpai (I’m calling him that until we get a name) was eight years old and he’s fighting a....thing....that will probably haunt my nightmares at some point....but yeah, they ones overseeing him point out that he’s very skilled for his age but that also is to be expected of him. So I’m guessing he must be a very well regarded exorcist now if he was THAT talented when he was a child....which makes me wonder why he hasn’t done anything about the aparitions around the school. Is only Kou in charge of it?

Look at this baby. Look at him, my heart, he’s so cute. Kou is one year younger than Yashiro, right? and if Minamoto is a second year in hs (if I’m remembering correctly), then he should be six years old here, right? Smol bean

He jumps to hug his brother but senpai doesn’t seem happy that Kou followed him to his....training, I guess? Since he seems to be surpervised by a couple of men. And it makes sense, they’re both very young and things could go wrong, especially if no one know Kou is there 

And here we also see that Kou is very excited to follow up on his brothers footsteps and wants to be a great exorcist like his brother and it’s very on par with his attitude when we first met him and he tried to exorcise Hanako

But he then says “that’s what I always wanted, but...” and we cut next to him with his friends but looking back at Hanako in the hallway. And ah, the title for this week is “the young exorcist (part 1)”, so that means we’ll get a more Kou-centric chapter(s)? Exciting! That “but” and the cover page make me think that it’s very likely that he’s having doubts about the whole “beat all the supernaturals” thing since Hanako has been a pretty alright guy so far. If that’s the case, it could set up a good internal conflict for his character

This poor child is such a third wheel right now lol It’s okay, Kou, you’ll get used to their banter

But hey, it looks like Yashiro is trying to continue from where we left of last time when she decided she wanted to get to know Hanako better. Well, at least that’s what I think she’s trying to do with this compatibility horoscope

Okay, yeah, she’s definitely trying to get more information under the guise of the horoscope lol but Hanako doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. And I mean, it makes sense since I see him as someone who pretends to be carefree but doesn’t actually share important details about himself until he feels completely comfortable. After all the only reason we even know he killed someone is because Kou told us.

“If you wann do a compatibility horoscope, do it with one of your crushes. Like Minamoto-senpai or somebody” well, try not to sound so salty, mister

Kou is surprised by these news and Yashiro is saying that her crush on senpai is more akin to having a crush on an idol, someone you just admire from afar. And yeah, considerering how minimal their actual interactions were, and she realized that she doesn’t really know much about him besides what’s public knowledge

Well, speak of the devil and he shall appear lol He has the pretty boy sparkles and everything, huh? I can understand why Yashiro was so infatuated with him, he’s one handsome guy. Also if I was in this situation right now, I would crawl into a hole and die because that’s so embarrasing omg 

We have a name! Teru Minamoto, okay, easy to remember. We have upgrade from senpai to Teru. And he’s thanking Yashiro for being kind to Kou, awwww

oH. That...that doesn’t look good..........that smells like trouble. Also the change from sweet older brother figure to that cold look he threw towards Hanako was quick and a bit terrifying ngl

He’s pulled Kou aside and now they’re talking and he’s reminding him that if he encounters any of the seven mysteries, he should expel them immendiately but Kou doesn’t look too happy.

Ohhh okay, Teru says that they are aware of recent change in the supernaturals’ behaviou recently and that they hadn’t acted because they hadn’t put the students in danger before. And we know that’s true if we think about the mokke and how they said that they had been living in peace with the humans at the school for a long time until their story changed and they didn’t have another choice but to do as the rumors said

He also mentions that the seven mysteries are the most powerful and dangerous supernaturals in the school. Which makes sense, since Hanako mentioned that the seven are the ones controlling the seven boundaries between this world and the spirit world.

Here we seem to get a glimpse of some of the others, but most aren’t really distinguishable. We have Yakko and Hanako, then at the far left I think there’s some sort of mask, then there’s two silhouettes, and then we have what seems to be a girl holding something in her hands and then a mirror besides her.

But yeah, Teru says that since these seven are the most problematic, they should erradicate them first and foremost. Which, from a logical point of view makes sense but since we’re privy to their behaviour and we know that we could change things if we change the rumors, I want to say please do not exorcise my baby, he’s trying to keep the balance

And it seems Kou agrees with me. Hanako still pisses him off but he admits that the little sassy ghost has been really helpful (and he even protected Kou during their escapade to the Misaki Stairs despite saying he wouldn’t). Teru really seems to disagree, though, and

oH. Again. It really seems like Teru has his mind set about this. Like, I guess it make sense, we saw that they were trained from a young age and they are part of a legendary clan that has been exorcising spirits for generations, so the history probably doesn’t have much to say in favour of the apparitions

He also answers the question I had before about why it was just Kou going after the mysteries: apparently he had thought it would be a good way to let Kou grow as an exorcist but he now sees it had the opposite effect since he’s feeling sympathy for Hanako.

“I’m taking you off the seven mysteries case” that’s-that’s really not good if his glare to Hanako earlier is anything to go by. “I’ll clean up this mess” yiKES

Oh, okay, it seems like Kou managed to buy himself some more time before his brother intervenes. And yes, here’s the internal conflict I was hoping for

He knows what his duty is but he also has grown to care for not only Hanako but also (and especially) Yashiro. So there’s not only the fact that Hanako has been helpful but also the fact that Yashiro clearly cares a lot for the ghost since she protected him the first time they met. Kou seemed like a really sweet guy and all this just reinforces that notion.

Okay, so now has make it his mission to find evidence to prove to his brother that Hanako is not a bad supernatural. And it’s not a bad plan, since he would need to keep a close eye on Hanako either way, so it works in his favour.

I.....Hanako, sweetie, why-what-

Okay, he’s clearly collecting things with the help of the mokke and putting it in the big sack he’s carrying. But yeah, it really doesn’t help his case when Kou is trying to prove he’s not suspicious

Pfffft Kou really needs to work on his sneaking abilities since he almost got discovered by a teacher and immediately after that Hanako found him. Although Hanako probaly already knew he was being watched

Also

The ghost child really has no notion of personal space, huh? It’s not just Yashiro who has to deal with him all up in her face

I really love their dynamic, they’re so silly together 

Omg

Kou looks so distraugh here omg like “omfg please i’m trying to prove you’re a good guy why are you doing with all this stuff WH Y”

But Hanako is quick to point out that he’s actually collecting the things the mokke stole so he can give them back to the owners. And that this is happening because even though Yashiro changed the rumor, the mokke still feel the need to steal objects from people. And I hadn’t thought about it, but it makes sense since they’ve been doing it for so long and the rumor still technically says that they steal things from you even if now there’s a way to stop them from killing people

I just wanna head pat this cute child look at him.

Now Hanako is asking Kou to help him retrieve something that was stuck up in one of the towrs surrounding the school. My first question is why can’t Hanako float up there since he a ghost but it looks like Kou is asking the same thing and apparently he can’t float that high. Huh, okay. That kinda sucks and seems inconvenient but okay, good to know. 

And Hanako is apologizing for making him go through all this trouble but he insisted because the item seemed like it would be important for somebody. He seems honest and Kou is once again hit by the feeling that Hanako is not really a bad supernatural. And yeah, it’s like I said earlier: there’s probably not a good record of supernaturals doing good deeds and that’s what his family knows after generations spent fighting spirits. But Kou is hopeful that maybe his brother wasn’t totally right and that, as Hanako has been demostrating, good supernaturals can exist. 

OH

Oh no. While Hanako seems to have caught what they were looking for, he also slipped from Kou’s grasp and that’s not good....well...kinda. I mean, he’s a ghost, right? Like, this sounds horrible but he’s already dead, so he can’t get too hurt from this fall............right?

I feel like this chapter has been full of me just gushing about what a good boy Kou is and honestly? he is and I regret nothing

He’s so worried ahhhh  but Hanako is okay and they remembered that the ghost was in fact a ghost so risk no greater than a couple of ghost bruises

AHHHHH

Just. This whole page. It’s so precious. Look at them sharing a laugh together because they were being dummies and then Kou finding out that the thing Hanako was working so hard to get back because it looked important was his earring ahhhhhhh that’s so cute omg look at them!! I didn’t even noticed his earring was gone! (I checked again and he had it when the three of them were talking but it was already gone when he had his talk with Teru. I guess the mokke he had on his lap took it. That was a nice subtle detail)

Awww and he’s made his decision. He believes that Hanako is proof that there are good supernaturals so he won’t exorcise him. Hanako looks shocked and is asking him what made him change his mind since Kou had himself said that he was “the evil spirit of a murderer”. 

Kou says that he’s sorry because he didn’t know any better and that he’s sure that Hanako had his reason for what he did but-

...........He makes a fair point. Like, at this point we know very little about Hanako’s life and motives. The only fact that seems to be certain at this point is that he has killed someone when he was alive, but we don’t know any of the circumstances around it. He has had moments where he looked and acted with what appeared to be malice, like when he told Yashiro that crying wouldn’t solve anything, and when he pointed his knife at Kou during their first meeting and when he explained to them that scary experiences are the ones that stick in your memory the most. There’s been an underlying aura of danger in Hanako that’s impossible to ignore, there’s no denying that. But there’s still the fact that he has done everything in his power to protect Yashiro and now Kou in dangerous situations. So a part of me believes that there has to be a reasonable explanation for his actions; if we take the really angsty route I would guess that he did it as an act of self-defense or something like that. But yeah, “when is it right to kill someone?” is a very tricky question

............................ah. that underlying danger i mentioned? here it is again, back at full force.

But also the look on his eyes, while the swirls give off that crazy vibe, the wobbliness and his overall expression convey a very hopeless feeling, I don’t know, he just looks very distressed. To me it looks like he really doesn’t want to do this, but he also needs to prove his point to Kou

(ﾟдﾟ；)  (ﾟдﾟ；)  (ﾟдﾟ；)

Oh no  (ﾟдﾟ；)  (I stand corrected: I’ve spent only half of this chapter gushing about Kou, the other half I’ve been going “oh no” almost every time Teru appears)

And again: the quick switch from “pleasant charming” smile”to “I will destroy you” look is terrifying. This does not bode well oh man oh man next chapter is gonna be crazy and stressful

Survey #263

laptop is still broken, nvm. :’)

Do you have a favorite song by The Cure? "Sweet Soul Sister." (': Are there things you've never told for fear that others would judge you? Yep. Can sex ever be casual? I personally don't support it, but ultimately, so long it's consensual, protected, and both parties understand what's going on, you do you. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over? Not on TV, no. It'd be awesome to see myself after a professional makeup, but I ain't going on TV to show my ugly face. What will no one ever see you do? Smoking. Are you quick to anger? Rarely. Are you slow to forgive? Not really. Usually. What do you need help with? Being an adult, lmao. Do you take the easy way out of things? More often than I'd like... What is your favorite fabric to wear? *shrugs* I don't pay attention to the fabric I wear, really. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? C'mon dude, you've got to! I don't believe in wishes increasing your odds of anything, but it's a must anyway! Do you look for four leaf clovers? Just casually when I'm walking or sitting outside. What are you the guardian of? My pets! Are you for or against censoring child pornography? I've seen many stupid questions in surveys. But this is the absolute dumbest. What the fuck is wrong with you. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children? GENERALLY, yes, but it really depends on the artistic portrayal. None should be sexualized. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren't real, they just look real)? Absofuckinglutely not. The concept is absolutely repulsive. Enough with these fucking questions. Do you like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy better? Wheel of Fortune, ig. Jeopardy is pretty boring to me. What is your favorite tarot deck? I don’t know enough about tarots to comment. How do you feel about Wicca and Paganism? IT'S SUPER SUPER INTERESTING AND COOL AND I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT IT!!!! I relate most to Neo-Paganism anyway, so I obviously don't mind them. Wicca especially is a very, very misconstrued religion that has just been horribly abused by the media. Do you believe that people who practise the above religions are able to accomplish magic? No, I don't. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it? No, but only because I could never been a teacher. Sounds fun otherwise. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods? BIIIIITCH whose HS sells Twinkies????? I need to know?????? Anyway, no, but I believe there must be mostly actually nutritional options. Let kids have the chance to have a little snack during a boring 'ole school day. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart? BOY Josh Groban. Have your gods and idols let you down? The Christian god did. What do you waste? Whew... time... time. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more? Currently. Ugh. What is your light at the end of the tunnel? The potential of a beautiful future. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more? Good question. I lean towards it being a natural phenomenon as everything shuts down, BUT I find the reincarnation/birth canal theory to be quite interesting. I don't really believe it, but hey, who the hell am I to decide if it is or not. If you were going to have a mural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of? A scene of meerkats probably. Is sex more about fulfilling a need or giving yourself? Giving yourself. Do you like your belly? FUCK NO. Do you think more or act more? Think, sadly. Should there be a mandatory retirement age? Of course not. You work all you want boo. What's the craziest thing you've ever done on impulse that worked out well? This is gonna sound... very bad, but my suicide attempt. It made things abundantly clear I needed serious help. It led to my partial hospitalization program. Do you have any exercise tapes or DVDs? No but OH MY GOD this made me remember my lil sister used to a Barbie one that we followed lmaoooo. Does the sound of crickets bother you? No, I quite enjoy it actually. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing? Yessss. How do you feel you will likely die? I really don't know, but probably cancer-related. Recent events have made it abundantly clear it does in fact run in our family, and genetic testing because of Mom's cancer revealed that at least through her, my sisters and I are susceptible to pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer. Once this virus passes over, we're all getting tested for free to get an understanding of what hell Dad gave us lmao. Have you ever been slapped in the face? No. How about punched? Yeesh, no. That was something unique about you as a child? I was CRAZY about dinos for the average little girl. Have you ever come up with a memorable quote? Not really. What is something interesting about where you live? The town is like, really, really old. Downtown looks right out of an old movie. Were you breastfed as a baby? Yeah. If you’ve lost your virginity, what was your first time like? I don't remember it because it didn't really register what we were doing was sex. I still don't know today if you could call it sex since it was really dry humping through thin clothes, but it sounds close enough. What do you think about masturbation? You do you boo. Is it sometimes better than the real thing? I don't think so, though I only had a brief episode where I did it when I was put on a new birth control that made my hormones like so, so far beyond control. I stopped that shit sooo fast. I got almost nothing out of it, honestly. Intimacy is a two-person job for me. Who do you think about most? Jason, whether I want to or not. Favorite way to pamper yourself? Go to bed early lol. What's your most expensive piece of clothing? I don't have a clue. I don't really have expensive stuff. What was your last big achievement? Ugh... I'm not the person to ask. I haven't made any big ones even semi-recently. Have you ever had a "false alarm" moment, what was it about? Oh sure. The first time that comes to mind was when I thought Venus was dying once when she had a series of horrible coughing/gagging fits a long time ago. We took her to the vet with the risk of a respiratory infection, but she was clear, thankfully. I think she had early signs, though. Do you know how to ride a bike? Ye. If you were in the hospital who are the two people you'd want by your side? Mom of course, and it'd be nice if Sara was there if she was at all capable of that, but I'm fine w/ just Mom. If you could ever take a street sign, what sign do you want? Well, I wouldn't, but probably "stop" bc that applies to a lot in my life, lmao. Have you ever not returned something you borrowed and if so what was it? I don't think so? When you pack your lunch, what's your favorite packed lunch? Usually just a good 'ole pb&j. :') What was the one most important thing you learned from your parents? Take care of your goddamn relationship. Talk shit out instead of yelling. Work together. Never neglect the reason you're with each other. Have you done something you worry could come back to haunt you, what? No, because I don't believe in karma. If you had to build a small ark, what 7 animals would you save? Those with the biggest ecological impact, like bees and spiders, for example. I wouldn't be very happy with all my choices while all other animals perished, but you've gotta think of what comes next. Out of just selfishness I'd obviously have to spare a spot for meerkats, aha. They'd help with the bug control, though! I don't know about the other four, though; I'd have to think real hard on 'em. What is something your parents love that you actually love too? Classic rock and metal. Has anyone ever said "I love you" and you couldn't say it back? I firmly remember this is how I ended that childish shit with Joel. He said it and I couldn't. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. What's been the hardest loss you've had to take? Jason. What emotion is your least favorite and the one you are not in touch with? Fear, of course. No one likes being afraid. I'm not all that in touch with greed at all. Do you think facial moles or freckles are cute? I don’t mind 'em. Sometimes they're super-duper cute. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't trust strangers for shit. If you're searching for a relationship, where is your go-to place to look? I don't really "look" anywhere. What book have you read multiple times? I lost count of how many times I've read Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Granted, in subsequent reads, I would skip over the HUGE tangent chunks that were entirely unrelated to meerkats. I seriously remember one long-ass section was like a goddamn essay on why smaller animals tend to have unnaturally large testicles like I don't fucking care talk about Flower again. I think I only decided to read it in full two times, but maybe not even that. Do you keep a budget? I don't have the income to do so. Have you ever test driven a car you knew you weren't going to buy? No, never test-drove anything. What do you have a hard time visualizing? There's a number of things, but this one thing is weird shit: I can't picture my old therapist. Even when I saw her every month, I could almost NEVER visualize her in my head. She's a fucking cryptid or something, paranormal shenanigans is going on here. She's the only person I know where I have that problem. What makes you feel uncomfortable in group settings? I worry I'll make myself look stupid in front of everyone. What was your worst date ever? I don't feel like I've really had a bad one. I've had one that did nooooot go according to plan and I know the average girl would've been annoyed, but I'm actually an understanding human being who found the adventure fun in the end. Basically a flat tire, a sketchy tire place, and a lot of walking happened lmao. Tyler felt fucking awful, felt bad for him. Have you ever gotten in a bidding war on Ebay, if so for what item? HAHA yeah, though it was technically Mom, but she had me keep an eye on it. I remember Parasite Eve took some battling to get. I think maybe a Legend of Spyro game, too? Are you supportive of your friends even if you don't agree with them? So long it's not literally insane or stupid, usually. It really does depend. What did you think was stupid until you tried it? Hm. I'm not sure. What subject do you and your parents never see eye to eye on? Religion. I keep most of my beliefs to myself now. Where do you see yourself in 1 year's time? Honestly, I don't want to ponder and picture this. What is your favorite type of seafood? I only like shrimp. What triggers your inner shopaholic? HA, do tattoos count? See cool ones, and then I'm planning (more than only always...) tons of new ones I want and will just be DYING (ALSO more than always lakdjfwe) to go to the parlor. What public figure do you disagree with the most? I really can't say considering I'm just not educated enough here. What is your opinion on rats as pets? They are absolutely wonderful! Smart, sweet, and very clean despite their stigma. I've had quite a few. What is something you're afraid to try? Sky diving, the Tower of Terror ride. ;___; That kinda stuff. What song makes you dance uncontrollably? None. Do you like nachos, if so what topping is a MUST have? Cheese is all I really need for nachos. Do you have any subscriptions? Yes, to Adobe Creative Cloud. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario games are cute, Sonic's make me cringe - I've watched enough Game Grumps to know lmao. I hate hate hate cringe culture, like let people enjoy whatever, but I absolutely cannot stop my cringe reaction to some shit. I don't judge the people that enjoy whatever it is, though. THAT pisses me off. Who is the most creative person you know? I've known Sara and Connie much too long to not say them. They have such vast imaginations. Besides a pickle, what is your favorite thing pickled? I've actually never tried anything pickled, I think... no wait. Aren't jalapenos? Well there, jalapenos. What did you do for your 21st birthday? If not, 21 what are your plans? I had my normal therapy sessions in the mental hospital lmfao. It's unfortunate, but I do have fond memories of the day. Everyone was so damn sweet, and the friend I made there even got in touch with one of the lunch ladies, who literally went to go buy me a slice of cake. She and the other employees in the kitchen brought it out at dinner, and everyone sang happy birthday. I think I remember tearing up just because it was so goddamn sweet, but also bittersweet in that I was in a fucking mental institution for my BIGGEST birthday. When I got out, Colleen bought me a red velvet cake to "make up for it," ha ha. I miss her every now and then alsdkjf;wae. Are you a role model for anyone in your life? Oh, I doubt it. Do you think you need to slow down and enjoy life more? I don't need to go any fucking slower in my life. Can you impersonate anyone famous? I don't believe so. Never really tried anyone. What is your favorite salty snack? Spicy Cheetos mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden for sit-down, Sonic for fast food. Have you ever been in a play for school? In elementary school. I never had a big roll, though. Do you wish you had more friends? Very much. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Aunt Lydia. Which famous author would you like to meet? I'm not particularly interested in any. Which artist would you like to meet? Hey hey hey. Mark's brother is a comic artist. Meet him, one step closer to meeting God Himself. (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง Which singer would you like to meet? OZZY sobs What celebrity do you have a crush on? Anyone who's even heard about a hint of my Markiplier obsession knows I would fuck him into oblivion. When you were in middle school, were you in love with someone you never talked to? No, I didn't romantically love anyone. Do you believe that there is an unseen spirit realm? I do. Martini, margarita, or sangria? YO STOP I'm weak with these things. I can't pick. Do you feel you are extremely gifted but no one appreciates you? No. I honestly feel like people have more faith in what I'm capable of than deserved. What Lisa Frank character is your favourite? The angel cat, probably. Or tiger. Do you know how to use Braille? No. When you use stairs, do you usually hold the rail? Currently, I have to because of my muscle atrophy. I need help to stay steady. Have you ever worn a veil? No. Have you ever planted a tree? We actually did plant an apple tree in our front yard at my childhood home. Never grew much. Have you ever made anything with clay? A number of things from art classes. Has today been a good day? No, honestly. Have you ever fed a horse hay? Yes. Are you more likely to text "Okay", "OK" or just "K"? "'Okay.' The other two are restricted for when I am in a mood and want someone to know I am in a mood." <<<< HA HA SAME. Do you like the taste of lime? Sure. Have you ever seen a mime (in real life)? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen a deer (in real life)? Plenty of times; whitetails are common here. Right now, what can you hear? "Game Over" by Falling In Reverse. Have you ever seen a bear (in real life)? In the zoo, yes. I think there's a possibility I have in the wild, but only from a distance? Have you ever eaten glue? No. Do you tend to buy clothes used or new? New. If you have Netflix, how many items are in your queue? N/A

Prompting 'our students think we’re dating' + 'we leave each other notes on the blackboards' AUs, cause it makes A LOT of sense. Pretty please? (I love you, chérie.)

disneyklaine asked: hmm….. the blackboard notes one :)

anonymous asked:OUR STUDENTS THINK WE’RE DATING AU omg

anonymous asked:Okay, so those hs aus were amazing! maybe you could write “our students think we’re dating au” some time? (for Klaine) :) :) :)

Alright then ^^

AKA Five times a student tried to prove his teachers are dating and the one time the teachers are undeniably dating.

On AO3

Lucas knows that there is something going on.

He knows it, with every fiber of his being. And Ishrak can tell him that he’s delusional and that it’s not sane to ship real people as much as he wants to, Lucas will not be undeterred.

Professor Hummel and Professor Anderson are undeniably in a relationship, and he will prove it to his unromantic boyfriend if it is the last thing he does.

(Hopefully, it won’t come to that.)

They are fairly obvious, when you know how to look.

1. Hiding in plain sight

The way they always, always, come rain, snow or sun, always arrive separately exactly 7 minutes apart.

“That’s not exactly a proof, Lulu, it just means that they are punctual.”

“Exactly seven minutes apart, every morning! No, no no, it proves that they are coming together, and then Mr Hummel waits what he considers a sufficient amount of time for it to be inconspicuous and make his entrance.”

“That makes … eurgh, I hate you for making sense.”

“Ah!”

2. Three is a crowd

Lucas does not stalk his two favorite teachers.

(He does not.)

However.

It just so happens that their paths often cross on campus.

And whenever Mr Hummel and Mr Anderson happen to be hanging out, there is always, always, at least one other member of staff with them.

Sometimes it’s Ms. Jones, who appears to be very happy to link her arms with them as they walk and laugh.

Sometimes it’s Ms. Berry, who leads the way with a confidence inversely proportional to her size while Mr Hummel and Mr Anderson humor her.

Sometimes they can be spotted having a very animated conversation with Mr Evans--especially Mr Anderson, while Mr Hummel shakes his head and hides his mirth behind a large travel mug.

If Lucas was not intimately convinced of Mr Anderson’s commitment to Mr Hummel, his apparent bromance with Mr Evans could be another theory, but no.

Mr Evans’s constant googly eyes toward Ms Jones are legendary across the whole school.

And while Lucas is particularly invested in the Hummel-Anderson relationship, he can see how they would make a cute couple.

3. The Travel Mug

Speaking of the travel mug.

Both teachers are known for being coffee addicts of the first order.

But.

Lucas would bet his life on the fact that he has now seen the dark travel mug on both desks, on separate occasions.

From afar, it just looks like a black cup, but on closer inspection, it does bear a pattern that Ishrak kindly identified as a Darth Vader silhouette, which fits Mr Anderson’s discrete geeky chic. But, it could be misconstructed for a skull, which would fit Mr Hummel’s seldom gothic aesthetic.

Ergo, game, set and match.

“You do know that these mugs are sold by the thousand, every day, right?”

“Why would Mr Hummel, McQueen is a genius and Gautier is the last designer who understood the dramatic possibilities for movie costumes, Hummel, would have a Star Wars mug of all things?”

“Did he actually say that?”

“Yep. Made us watch the Fifth element to make his point.”

“So he does like sci-fi.”

“... Shit, you make a point!. But still, I’m sure it’s the same than Mr Anderson.”

“So maybe they both like Star Wars.”

“Yeah they do. And they Yub Nub all night long, if you get my drift.”

Ishrak rubs his face. “I will give you that one if you never, ever repeat Yub Nub in that context, you heathen.”

4. The Post Its

That is perhaps the more damning proof Lucas has at his disposal.

Both teachers hold office hours on the same, which is not his proof.

But on the two occasions Lucas had to go and ask them for some informations--Mr Hummel for a book reference Lucas didn’t catch and could apparently save his essay, Mr Anderson to ask for an extension on a paper due the following week because his anxiety hit hard--Lucas spotted something on their respective boards.

Oh, while both teachers mostly have pictures and articles on those boards, there are little notes written on Post-Its carefully pinned to the panels.

Lucas doesn’t pry too much into them to figure out what they say--though the hearts drawn on Mr Hummel’s leave little to the imagination--but.

But.

He recognizes the handwritings.

“You can’t read what they say but you ‘know’ they’re each other’s handwriting? Babe, no more C.S.I. for you.”

“I’m telling you, Ish, they write each other little notes--I’m sure they hide them in their lunchbox, the dorks.”

“Hm. That would be cute.”

“Right?!”

“...No! Luke, you will not get me to ship two of my most esteemed professors! No! Bad Lucas.”

“Look at the notes next time you’re in their offices, and tell me I’m wrong.”

“If I do, will you stop with this obsession of yours and help me with my project?”

“What, getting Mr Evans and Ms Jones together?”

“Stop looking at me like that, it’s not shipping, it’s giving them a happy story.”

“Hm-hm.”

*Shush.”

“Hm-hm.”

“I hate you.”

“Sure you do.”

5. Too Single To Be Honest

The final point in Lucas’ case in proving that Mr Hummel and Mr Anderson are dating is the most damning, but also the most … well, convoluted, even he can see that.

Number 1: both men are handsome, if differently so, and in their prime.

Number 2: they always show up for the students shows and the balls and the mixers.

(Again, seven minutes apart, Lucas is going out of his mind with this gap.)

Number 3: they never bring a date that could be considered a date.

(“Mr Anderson’s brother does not count as a date, what the fuck?”)

Number 4: they never talk about a significant other. Never.

Number 5: But. They are both incurable romantics.

Conclusion: it is highly unlikely that both these men are still single and they are using the social events on campus to hide their relationships as a professional one instead of the romantic one that it is.

“That doesn’t make a shred of sense.”

“No, no, it does! Look: what better way to fly under the radar than making an appearance at the soirées? If they didn’t come--and I know what you’re thinking, why wouldn’t they take advantage of everybody being busy with the different events to have their own datenight on their own, right?”

“...Right.”

“Then, if they didn’t come, it would become quite obvious that both Mr Hummel and Mr Anderson are always missing on these; And then, it would be super easy to just connect the dots and figure out that the two are, um, closer than they would like us to think.”

“Shit, how do you make sense of the most convoluted and useless conspiracy theory!”

“It’s a talent.”

“Mr Anderson must love you in this creative writing class.”

“He does.”

“Why do you care so much about that? What does it matter if they are indeed dating?”

Lucas pulls Ishrak closer to him and rests his chin on top of his head. “I don’t know,” he says softly, “it would be cool to have an older couple to look up to. To see that gay relationships are not just a thing for us, but it exists for older people too.”

“They’re not that old,” Ishrak says as he snuggles up to his lanky boyfriend. “But I see what you mean.”

+1 The BlackBoard

Now, Ishrak would love to find a way to make Lucas drop the whole “Hummel Anderson” affair. 

It was endearing, at first, to see his boyfriend get all riled up, but it’s slowly becoming a Thing. Lucas even bought a corkboard to tie, literally tie with a red thread, all of his proofs.

Ishrak wishes he could find a way, really.

But what he just saw with his own two eyes is pretty damning evidence, fuck it all to the seven rings of Hell.

See, every week, Mr Anderson’s class precedes Mr Hummel’s.

Lucas and Ishrak are quite happy about that, it gives them a moment where they don’t have to rush across campus to get to their class (and some times to catch up on their making out, if they can).

Except today Lucas has a cold, so Ishrak had to leave the classroom and wait in front of it for Mr Hummel to arrive.

That’s how he witnesses it all, really.

Being the last to leave, he can see Mr Anderson scribbling something in a small corner of the blackboard. As he goes to leave, there is a small smile on his face that Ishrak can only describe as fond.

“Ah, waiting for your next class, Mr Rahman?”

“Y-yes sir.”

“Make sure to tell Mr Angos that I will send him the Powerpoint presentation later today, so he doesn’t have to worry about it.”

“That’s very kind of you, sir.”

Mr Anderson smiles at him before getting his messenger bag in place and walking down the hall.

Ishrak watches him go--he loves Lucas, but he still has eyes, okay--before looking back in the classroom.

He entirely blames his C.S.I. boyfriend on his first impulse to go back inside and read whatever Mr Anderson wrote.

He shakes his head and sits on the floor.

He tells himself that it is not his business, that for all he knows, Mr Anderson had a stroke of inspiration and wrote what went through his head to memorize it for later.

But, a voice that sounds like Lucas counters, why wouldn’t he write it down in his notebook? Or on his phone? Hell, on his hand would be more conductive to later work than the blackboard of a classroom he is not going to return to before the end of the week!

Ishrak sighs before getting to his feet.

But before he can step inside and snoop, Mr Hummel arrives, whistling.

That sounds like the Cantina song, but--

“Hello, Mr Rahman. Ah, deprived of your companion today, are you?”

“Hello, sir; Yeah, Lucas is under the weather.”

“Shame. He would have loved today’s class. Should I give you the sheet to give to him?”

“Sure, Sir.”

“Come on,” Mr Hummel says, opening the door, “I know the class starts in ten minutes, but even those wooden chairs are more comfortable than the floor.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

Ishrak approaches the desk under the pretense of getting the papers for Lucas.

And that’s how he manages to read what’s on the board.

Hi Sally. There you are. B.A.

It doesn’t make any sense, and yet.

And yet, Ishrak simply has to put the look on MR Anderson’s face when he wrote it next to the look on Mr Hummel’s face when he reads it to know, with absolute certainty, that the message bears a lot of weight for them.

Because they are, irrevocably and undeniably, a “them”.

Eurgh, Lucas is never going to let him hear the end of it, is he?

8 9,11,14,15,16,38,54,58 70,75,81 asfdhdkflghs that's a lot but i'm a nosy bitch

OH JEEZ I appreciate these even tho they're gonna take me a while bc I'm doing it on my phone ahshdhdh. Also this got long as FUCK cause idk when to shut up even when typing lmaooo

8. Describe your crush

Mmmm idk that I REALLY have a crush rn like I send nice anons to a cute femme on here bc shes pretty and I like her personality but I wouldn't say I really have a crush atm

9. Describe your perfect mate

"Mate" agshdhdh UH idk I dont really have any preconceptions abt who I would like, like i keep my options open i dont wanna have this vision of a perfect person for me personally bc i feel like then I'd never find them but like ideally someone who's kind and understanding and is willing to put in effort into a relationship bc relationships are WORK yknow it's not always gonna come easy

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes I do!!!

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Nahh not really. See above lol

15. Do you have any piercings?

No I do not! I wanna get my ears pierced and I've kinda flirted w the idea of getting a septum piercing one day but that one I'd try out w fake piercings first cause idk if itd suit me lool

16 for some reason didnt copy and I cant go back to it on mobile but I think it was do you have any tattoos

No I dont! I know of 2 tattoos maybe 3 that I want so far but idk when I'd get them. The 1st I want is a double venus the 2nd is the dates I came out to my parents and the 3rd I'm still thinking abt ahshdh

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

YEAH in hs I had like a MAJOR crush on this straight (as far as I know) girl in my english class who I had barely even talked to she was just v v pretty and I was like....fuck....I didnt wanna crush on a straight girl ahdhhdh

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Ummm I'd say theres quite a few people I will never forget like they're all people that have made a difference in my life or otherwise people that just stood out to me like for example when I worked at a fast food place there was a deaf family that came in a few times and they're a major reason why I'm gonna take sign language next semester bc I was like wow they cant even order their food bc I have no idea how to communicate w them bc I and so many other abled people dont even consider to make the world a little more welcoming and accessible

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Oh god ummmm

1. Be kind. If you're a selfish asshole that's an automatic no from me dawg

2. Try to make an effort to actually listen to me and the things I like. There is nothing worse than saying u like something and having someone go "ugh that's dumb" like at least be kind if you dont like it!! Just say like oh that's not for me but it's cool that you enjoy it like?? Or if you've never seen it/read it/etc try it out! Even if it's not something you enjoy and don't continue it the thought is great! I do that for everyone I care about so itd be amazing to have someone do it in return

3. Tell me explicitly how you feel. I'm not a mind reader and I'm EXCEPTIONALLY bad at reading people so I don't like to be expected to guess. If you talk to me and are honest about how you feel that's amazing

4. Little gestures go a long way. Sending me a video or a meme like hey I thought of you when I saw this. That's really sweet and shows that you actually think about me

5. Just be there. Literally just keeping a relationship going even just a friendship like. If we communicate regularly I'm gonna get attached lmao

70. What turns you on?

UH. honestly never having been in a relationship or anything......not a clue. literally the only thing coming to mind is like...a girl dancing for me. GOD thatd be amazing ahshsh

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I think one of the sweetest things is my hs teacher that I still keep in touch with learning that i was unemployed then trying to help me find a job. Like I'm no longer her student and she doesnt have any obligation to help me but she cares so much about me that she has written me recommendations and sent me links to job postings...like she just went out of her when she didnt need to and I didnt ask her to. It made me so happy that she cared so much about me that she would do that

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Oh jeez like literally just scroll thru my #beautiful tag ahshdhdh but in no particular order

1. Gal gadot

2. Brie larson

3. Zendaya

4. Katherine mcnamara

5. Emeraude toubia

Like this isnt even necessarily a top 5 but just like the first 5 to come to mind lmao

High School English Drama Class

This was way back in High School and that was yeaaars ago. I still remember the story because of the emotional scar that came with it. Not too sure if this is petty or pro but I think I had planned it a little for it to fall under petty. This is pretty long so please stay with me! TLDR at the bottom.

I was a nerd but I went to a HS that was made up of 100% nerds too. We all cared about grades. We weren’t into arts but we did have an English drama class that we took with no exceptions. It wasn’t an elective, it was a requirement for some reason.

For our finals, the teacher separated us into 2 groups to present the same play. We didn’t have assignments or anything for the whole year so she wants us to do a big play. Her words were “impress me!” So our final grade will rely on this presentation plus the attendance the whole year.

The teacher assigned a leader and director for both teams. We were going to be in charge of the whole team. My friend and I were assigned as the leader and director of our respective teams. A note that our class had friend groups too. All my friends were in the other team and I just had acquaintances in this group.

All was fine and dant until we’ve cast the leads for our play. We didn’t have a lot of males in class and we had a lot of male parts in the play. Our group unanimously voted for Shitty Lead Actor (SLA) to be the lead actor. He accepted it. Now onto rehearsals.

We scheduled rehearsals after school in one of our classmate’s house. She lives near the school so we set a time, if class lets out at 4:00pm the rehearsal will start at 6:00 pm. They are expected to get food or go home for change of clothes during that 2 hour time slot.

As a group of 15 members, 6:00 pm doesn’t always mean the start of rehearsals. Most people get there on or before 7:00 pm. That was fine, I understand time is tight and all. But one person got in my nerve so bad. Yes, it was SLA. He was never a few minutes late or an hour late, he was just always LATE. He never came in before 8:00 pm. NEVER. Not once.

Now the problem is that he is a lead actor. So he was ALWAYS in the scene. It was super hard to rehearse a scene when he was not there. So what happened is that the first 2 hours was set for just preparing props and my actors memorizing with me. We start actual rehearsal when SLA comes in about 8:00 pm.

He hasn’t even memorized his lines so we spend another hour memorizing lines and practicing blocking. It was super hard to finish everything within the time allowed because we all need to leave at 10:00 pm to go home.

As you can imagine, I was tired and stressed with him. He was just so hard to deal with. I tried talking to him, pleading and even seriously favours if he just took his role properly. He never budged. I had all but cried to him.

SLA is pretty much the “popular guy” in a school full of nerds so almost everyone in my team is friends with him. He started spreading rumours about me and talking behind my back. He said I was a hard ass, that I had a crush on him (gross) and that they should not come in time for the rehearsals because I was just a waste of time. I was devastated when I found out.

The best part was that SLA embarrassed me in class when we had this activity in religion class. The teacher had us write things about our other classmates anonymously and put them in a bowl of either “Good” or “Bad”. I only had “Bad” written about me all pertaining to my being the leader and director of the play.

The theme of the complaint is that I had a problem with SLA being late to rehearsals. Just imagine HS students writing horrible stuff about their classmates, that was it. They wrote that knowing fully well our teacher was going to read it out loud in front of everyone.

I cried in the bathroom with my friends. It was when I formulated the plan to get back at SLA (and a little to everyone else).

Everyone saw how mad I was. What they had forgotten was that as a leader, I was in charge of grading them.

Now onto a little petty revenge!

That day I scheduled a practice for 5:00 pm instead of 6:00 pm. None of them complained.

After class let out, I came to the other group’s rehearsals instead. As they were all my friends, they let me hang out there for the duration of the time I was hiding out from my group mates.

At about 6:00 pm, my teammates were texting me about where I was. I didn’t answer them.

At about 7:00 pm they were calling me, I didn’t answer.

At 8:00 pm, I arrive at the rehearsals. Everyone was present and working on the props. I assumed they would actually go home but they didn’t ditch that day. A surprise.

Most of them apologized for getting out of hand. I said ok but I didn’t tell them I forgave them. SLA never apologized, ofc.

Because I was obviously mad, SLA wasn’t acting up during rehearsals. I have no idea if he knew he pushed too hard or if he was just bidding his time. The rehearsals went well and that was all I cared about. We had so much done with the 2 hours that night than all the other nights combined.

After what happened, I was not friendly with my group mates anymore. I was cordial but cold, they never said anything about what happened again after some of them apologizing.

SLA started to arrive on time for rehearsals, had his lines memorized and never said anything in front of me again. If he said anything behind my back, I have no fucking idea.

So the day of the play came, we finished. My teacher was happy blah blah blah. This didn’t really mean anything to me besides good grades. Our teacher loved me, she would honestly believe anything I said. She gave us a very high grade.

I feel like my group mates forgot what the finals entail because when my teacher announced the next day that although there was a group grade, their leaders would grade them individually. The group grade would amount to 50% and the solo grade amounts to the other 50%. The look of shock and fear on my group mates’ faces was worth all the harsh words they threw at me. Most of all, SLA.

So I raised my hand and asked our teacher, “Is there a guideline for grading or is it all up to the leader?”

My teacher went all, “All up to you, lovenotsweet!”

I graded them mostly fairly, I took points for being an ass but I wasn’t going to take a hit on all of them. I was reserving that for someone. The props were amazing so they all got high 80s, the lighting and sound were decent so they all got low 80s, and the actors. The female lead had a flat 90. She never stood up for me but she never said anything bad either. She was so-so so her grade was just what she deserved for her acting.

SLA got a whopping 40% on my grading. He never helped on the props, he never arrived in time besides those last few rehearsals and in my view, his acting was sub par. I had computed the highest I can give him while making sure his final grade for this class never reached the passing grade of 75%.

SLA’s grades didn’t even reach 70% even with the high grade we got as a team. He tried complaining to me about the grade but I didn’t entertain him. He tried going to the teacher, but our teacher likes me AND heard about what happened in religion class. We had a small school, news travel fast. Teacher told SLA she was only changing the grade if I agreed. I didn’t agree.

It was for finals so SLA failed that class spectacularly. A blemish into an otherwise clean record. He moved on from it for the next few years of HS.

I just smiled and bid my time.

The pro revenge didn’t come until senior year.

During senior year we all applied to this prestigious university for an entrance exam. It was a super important school so all of us nerds built our High School career in hopes of getting into this school.

SLA didn’t get to take the exam with us because of his English Drama class grade. The University doesn’t take anyone with a grade below 80% and I guess he forgot about that when he got that grade from English Drama class years ago? SLA had to write an essay explaining why he deserves a chance to take the exam even though he had one failing grade. He had to pay an extra fee for the processing.

SLA took the next batch of exam. He did pass the exams tho. He just had to start University a semester later than everyone else in our batch.

Do I regret ruining his life plans by a few months? Sometimes but then I remember the words said about me in class just because I don’t like someone being late and slacking off. I then forget regret.

TLDR; Classmate embarrassed me in class because I was a “hardass leader” that cared too much about being on time and actually doing the work. He gets the grade he deserved and feels the result years later.

(source) (story by lovetoobad)

TIFU by accidently sending a teacher a suggestive email.

Yeah.... this was not the brightest thing I've done. This was back in hs, not today. I just needed to wait until I was out of hs for a few years to feel safe about this😂.

So in HS, we each had a school email. We could use this to email to communicate with teachers or to work together on projects with other classmates. It was very conevient. You can also access it through your phone with ease. One thing to note is that when I start an email, textmessage, or message in a group, it all looks the same on my phone. This is important.

So in Senior year of hs, I was doing a project with some people I knew. We used the school email to share documents and crap. We would also make edits and comments on the projects. So one day they started joking around in the comments on the project. They making sexual innuendos and whatever. It sent notifications to my phone whenevee they posted. I decided to join in. They sent things like "You know you want your weenie in the bunghole". "Girl, let me show you what my rock is cookin". "Just the tip please". I went to the recent tab and typed in something pretty messed up. It started out gomething along the lines of "You want to come over and see what I'm working with?😚" and plenty more. Sent it off mindlessly. I didn't think too much of it.

A week or so later, the day after I get back from a competition, the school called me to the front office. I was surprised because I never get in trouble. They sat me down and they're like, "How are you doing today?" and all that crap. Then they mentioned the email I sent to this teacher. They had it printed out and my heart dropped. I SENT THE MESSAGE TO THE WRONG PERSON. They read off the entire email to me. I have to admit... it was pretty sketchy.

Now this teacher I sent it to was in my recents because I had asked her for a letter of rec for college by email. She was my teacher in the past and was nice to me so I thought it would be smart for her to write me one. Now, this teacher is extrmely sketchy. She is also a milf, a term that the guys at the school gave to her. There were stories of her going on girls gone wild where she flashed the camera and all of that. She would always compliment the way I looked and would always stare at me and all that crap. Would always try to talk. I think they knew this teacher was sketchy too, so they kept this lowkey and I'm thankful for it. They also knew I was not into dating or romantic relationships. They talked to me about teacher student relationships and I was really just trying to get back to lunch. I've seen those stories and they're not my cup of tea.

After that ordeal, that teacher would continue to stare at me. Smiling and twirling her hair and all of that. I agreed with the staff that I would never contact her again. I also never told anyone about this incident. I wouldn't be surprised to see her in the news for something one day. She looked at certain guys including me with lust at the school and it's kind of freaky. But after that incident, I ALWAYS check who I'm sending things too. I check before I send, while I type, and right before I send. Don't need that kind of stress in my life.

TL/DR I was messing around with my classmates during a projectand ended up sending a suggestive message to a sketchy teacher. The staff saw it as a teacher student relationship thing and told me not to contact her again.

submitted by /u/PitchBlac [link] [comments]

HS AU HC: Kairi is a student council pres & Izzy is the school delinquent that skips class & is seen as a bad influence. Kairi is tasked to make Iz into a model student or else she'll be stripped off her position & Iz will be expelled. This won't be an easy task for both because Iz skips class... to earn money?!??! For tuition??? I dunno aaaaaaaaa hope this is fine??? itsokifyoudontanswer aaaaaaaaa

Title: Misunderstandings

Rating: T

Genre: Friendship / Humor

Beta read by: @theizzypeasy

A/N: Combined two prompts for this fic! :) 

To be student council president was actually one of Kairi’s dreams.

—

The door clicked closed behind her and she let out a deep breath. When she wasn’t in class, she was handling student council business for the upcoming school fair. Her other council members had been busy as well, and although they were reliable, Kairi wished they were confident enough to make decisions on her behalf, especially when it really wasn’t too much of a big deal.

The sun was beginning to set, casting orange glows into the student council office. The main table was a mess, there were bags, notebooks, forms, applications, and files all over. A box of pastries was left open and cookie crumbs littered the top of the main floor plan for the festival. Kairi didn’t bother to turn the lights on, as she liked how the setting sun casted a dramatic glow over the room.

Before she could even take a seat to start on the stack of papers neatly filed at the head of the table, which was her designated space, the door opened, and a small girl came in, with glasses too big for her face. “Sorry to disturb…” her voice was small, and the poor thing did look terribly sorry. “But…” she held up a red folder, covering half of her face.

Kairi smiled and asked, “What is it? A supplier being difficult?”

The girl shook her head. “No… it’s the student behavior report and umm…”

Kairi furrowed her brows and bit her lower lip. These reports came in once a month, and if she recalled right, they were usually held in a white folder, not a red one. “And?”

The girl took a step back from the sudden bite in Kairi’s voice, but she willed herself to come closer and handed the red folder. “We have a problem student… it’s the new girl.”

Kairi quirked a brow up and took the folder. She skimmed the pages and instantly recognized the picture. “Izzy?” She held the paper up. “What kind of problems is she causing?”

The girl looked down and pointed at another page in the file. “She has been skipping class, and getting kind of violent with teachers and the other students.”

“Violent?” Kairi didn’t even bother hiding the shock in her voice. “You mean like, physically?”

Izzy didn’t seem like the violent type. But then again, she was new, and Kairi only had a few classes with her.

The girl nodded. “It’s getting kind of out of hand, and well…” she began sweating. “Maybe you should read the last document in the folder. It’s for you.”

Kairi went through the files and saw that it was, indeed, addressed to her. She pursed her lips when she saw it was signed by not only the guidance counselor but also their principal. “Okay, I’ll take a look. Thank you.”

The girl bowed and made her way out the door. Right when the door clicked closed, a loud shriek came from inside the room followed by a, “WHAT THE FUCK?”

—

The next day, Kairi held on to a stack of files with her left arm, and a cup of coffee with her right. She sipped on the dark liquid as often as she could while she made her way to her classroom. With every sip, her aura became brighter, and her steps lighter. Once she entered, a few early birds greeted her and she returned their smiles.

She set the papers down on her desk and took another sip as she looked out the window. Kairi could see her reflection and realized that no amount of coffee could cure her growing eyebags. A line from the letter flashed before her mind’s eye and she closed her eyes, willing it away.

There’s still time, she thought.

There was no way that this new girl was going to ruin everything she had worked for. She needed to remain the student council president. There were too many people just waiting for her to fail and she would not allow them to have the pleasure of telling her that they were right–that she couldn’t handle all the pressure and responsibility.

Kairi swirled her coffee in a light circular motion to mix it up and then drank it all down. Once it was empty, she headed out the door and tossed the paper cup into the trash can.

There’s work to be done.

—

Kairi walked around to Izzy’s homeroom section, but she wasn’t there. She resorted to waiting outside the door, but five minutes ‘til the bell rings, she told herself she would try again later.

Izzy didn’t show up until the fourth period. Her uniform was slightly crumpled, and she looked tired. She mostly kept to herself as she settled down on her desk and pulled out a notebook.

Kairi wasted no time and approached her. “Hi, Izzy.” She gave her a small wave and a smile.

Izzy looked up and hesitantly replied. “Hi.”

“Where have you been?” Kairi asked casually, a smile still on her face.

Her ears dropped down, but she tried not to look frightened. “I just got back from lunch.”

Kairi digested what she said and nodded. Another girl was passing by and she turned her attention to her, “Excuse me, can you please hand this to your next teacher? I’ll be talking to Izzy. I’ll have her back as soon as I can.”

The student took the light green slip and looked at the contents. She nodded and scurried away.

Green slips. They’re excuse slips, specifically issued by the guidance office. It usually meant two things: One, you’re being called in for them to check on how you’re doing. Or two: you’re in trouble. Izzy nervously looked back and forth at the slip and at Kairi, she knew it was the latter.

“Oh, you’re not in trouble,” Kairi laughed. “Not really. But I do need you to come with me. I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay…” Izzy followed her out of the classroom.

Once the two of them reached the student council office, the other girls working on the festival were just packing up to head to class. As Kairi smiled at them, they hurried up and left the room, greeting her along the way.

“Izzy, have a seat. I think we have cookies here somewhere. Want some?” Kairi started rummaging through the boxes on the table, looking blissfully unaware of Izzy’s discomfort with the situation.

“Ummm…”

“Right, you’re probably wondering why you’re here and skipping class, despite doing that for the entire morning,” Kairi spoke as she fished out a cookie and took a bite. She pushed the box towards Izzy, who reluctantly took a brownie and nibbled on it. “You’re here because it was brought to my attention that you’re…” Kairi made air quotes using her fingers, “misbehaving.”

Izzy took a big bite of the brownie, making her mouth occupied with the pastry. Since her mouth was full, she did not reply. Whether this was intentional or not, Kairi couldn’t tell.

“Now,” Kairi took a bite of the cookie and continued, her words slightly muffled, “I asked around and heard some pretty bad rumors. I’m usually the last to hear about these things and believe me, I was really the last to know about certain things you’ve been doing.”

Izzy kept chewing, the pace slightly faster.

“Skipping class and getting physically violent is one thing,” Kairi said slowly, “And I really don’t know why, but it seems like the guidance and principal left it up to me to make sure you straighten up.” She ate the last bit of cookie and said, “I can use my usual tactic and speech on why being a good student is important for your future, but since there are things at stake for me…” her gaze darkened, “You will cooperate.”

Izzy gulped the brownie down but still did not speak.

Kairi waited for a while but when Izzy still did not say anything, she walked over and offered her a cup of water. “Drink up. You have a lot of explaining to do.”

Izzy took the cup and aggressively drank it all.

The two of them talked until the sun had set, and the two of them walked home, still talking things over. They had dinner at a nearby restaurant and some sweets, but still discussing things. It was heavy, but at least Kairi had more clarity after talking to her.

She found that Izzy was actually really fun to talk to and be with, and she didn’t sound like the rumors at all. Izzy’s a new girl in a school wherein the students had formed their friendship circles since they were in kinder. Kairi was a new girl herself and understood the struggle but the circumstances Izzy presented to her were far more difficult and understandable.

“Thank you for dinner and… dessert.” Izzy thanked Kairi in front of her home and added, “I’m sorry for the trouble and–”

Kairi waved her off dismissively, but she laughed. “No worries, darling. At least it makes more sense to me now.”

Izzy nodded. “Okay. Just text me if you need help.”

Kairi waved and grinned. “For sure. Good night.”

“Good night!” Izzy went inside her home and Kairi made her way back to her house.

There was more work to be done.

—

With a cup of coffee in one hand, the red folder clutched closely to her chest, and a million things on her mind, Kairi made her way to the principal’s office. She took sips of her coffee and maneuvered her way through the students in the halls.

“Lazy, I’m telling you. Don’t get Izzy as a groupmate. She doesn’t work!”

Kairi stopped in her tracks and slowly turned around. There was a group of girls huddled by the window, gossiping about the new girl. Kairi pursed her lips and asked them, “What were you saying just now? That Izzy doesn’t contribute?”

The girl seemed shocked that she was heard but nodded. “She doesn’t help or do her part.”

Kairi gave her a quick head to toe glance and immediately noticed the section patch on her blazer. Thinking quickly, Kairi asked, “Is she even in your section? Have you had a class with her?”

The girls froze. “N-no.”

Kairi held her head high and said before walking away, “Then you really shouldn’t be saying those things. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Finally, Kairi arrived outside the principal’s office. She hadn’t even finished her cup yet, but she knocked on the door anyway and waited for the assistant to call her into the office. The guidance counselor was already there, chatting along. Kairi entered the room and greeted the two of them respectfully before sitting down on the vacant chair for her.

“Kairi,” the Principal started, “I assume you’ve received our letter and completed your task?” He asked and added a joke, “I was surprised not to receive any questions or clarifications from you.”

Kairi smiled. “None was needed.” She placed the red folder on the desk and beckoned the two of them to go on and read its contents.

The principal took the first few pages, while the guidance counselor took the latter one. The guidance counselor spoke, “I see you overused your slips the other day…”

Kairi shrugged one shoulder up. “I assure you, it was necessary.”

“I believe you mixed in some of your festival plans?” The counselor inquired, and held up some papers, outlining supplier details for food, tents, and printing. “A mistake, I’m sure,” she laughed.

“Oh no, it’s no mistake.” Kairi took a sip of her coffee and placed it down. “Your request to mold Izzy into a model student was really unnecessary–like that caveat, you placed about me losing my position should it not happen.” The two of them were appalled by her boldness, but before one of them could speak up, Kairi continued, “You see, Izzy usually skips class because she meets with suppliers who only operate during office hours because she needs to make money to pay off her tuition. I checked her grades and although they aren’t the best, she passes everything.”

Kairi pulled out a sheet, with Izzy’s latest grades, not a red mark in sight. The principal and counselor took a brief look and then back at Kairi.

“Going back to those documents, I brought them here to have them signed. We found suppliers to cover for all the food, tents, printing, and everything we’ve been struggling to find, for half the price.”

The two adults were baffled, speechless, really.

“Izzy found them for me. If you sign, she promises to go to class and no longer skip.” Kairi only grinned “Oh, and just so you’d be sure she’ll fulfill her end of the deal, attached underneath all the documents is a promissory note, written and signed by Izzy herself.”

The adults looked at each other, at the documents, at Kairi, and then back to each other. Kairi sat in her chair, a victorious smile on her face. The three of them spoke some more in the office, but Kairi left as soon as the principal signed the suppliers’ documents and forms. The guidance counselor stayed behind, to discuss other matters.

Kairi clutched the files to her chest, feeling spectacular that she had won this time, and was able to accomplish a lot, just by talking to one person. A small smile grew on her face and she felt thankful that she got to keep her position, get the festival together, and get Izzy off the hook. Well… sort of.

Once she exited the office, she found Izzy standing there, fiddling with the strap of her bag. Her ears perked up. “How was it?”

She handed the folder to Izzy and grinned, “Good to go. All signed and you’re cleared.”

Izzy took the folder, and her tail came up. “Really? That’s great! And umm…” she swallowed. “What about you?”

“I’m good, too.” Kairi grinned. After a second, she pointed a finger at Izzy and reprimanded her, “I told them you’ll be going to class from now on, and no more getting violent!”

Izzy held up the folder like a shield. “Yes!”

Kairi stepped back and smiled again. “Great! Let’s get to class.”

A/N: Thank you so much for sending all of your High School headcanons for Kairi and Izzy! We loved reading and creating content inspired by your ideas.

We are now closing our asks for High School headcanons to make way for a new one. Can you guess what it’ll be? Here’s a hint: it’s someone’s birthday next week.

Stay updated with our shenanigans by turning on our notifications!

Thank you again for reading and supporting our works!

The SINnamon Rolls is a webcomic series by Kairi and Izzy

tagged by @lucypcvensie uwu thanks for putting up with my weirdo self ily <3

How tall are you? 5′2 

What color and style is your hair? lots of people say my hair’s a light brown, but hair stylists say it’s a dark blonde so I’ll trust their judgement // my hair’s curly

What color are your eyes? blue (with these little flecks of gold right around the irises, you can only see them if you look real close)

Do you wear glasses? I have glasses, don’t necessarily wear them all the time

Do you wear braces? I used to, but I developed root resorption and had to get them off early (spring of 2017) so now none of my teeth toouch except for in the very back :( makes it really hard to eat samiches (yes that’s how I like to spell sandwiches fight me)

What’s your fashion sense? so I don’t count most days as my fashion sense bc I wear athleisure ish allllllll the time out of laziness, but when I do make an effort I have two ends of things bc I’m androgynous. so on a day when I’m feeling more masculine you’re gonna see me in a sporty-type-look (spandex, just barely sagging joggers, a graphic tee, my gold chain and jordans, I usually pull my hair into a ponytail and lay my edges), but on a day when I feel more feminine you’re gonna see me in some tried-and-true type of clothes (cute shirt, leggings, heels, jewelry, makeup did, hair down and [hopefully] acting right), but on a day when I’m feeling in-between I’ll try to experiment or be “edgy” (basically mixing and matching or trying something I saw a celebrity do and thought was cute). regardless of any style I’m in, though, you’re always gonna see me with my nails done, whether that means I got acrylics on or that I painted them myself... just know. that’s how we do. and by we I mean me.

Full name? I won’t share my last name, but Eden Amaris (fun fact: amaris can be pronounced two ways!) Is my first and middle

When were you born? December 18, 1999

Where are you from and where do you live now? was born in Federal Way, WA but I consider myself to be from Tacoma, WA as I’ve spent all of my most important years there (early childhood + hs + uni). I now live in Tacoma.

What school do you go to? University of Washington

What kind of student are you? a fucking mess I’m quiet at first, but once I’m comfortable I’m rly talkative and answer so many questions that my teachers will literally stop calling on me unless if there’s no one else lmaooo, I’ve also had several classmates and teachers tell me I should be a teacher and surprise, surprise, I do want to be a teacher for some time

Do you like school? f-f-f-FUCK YEA I LIKE SCHOOL how is that even a question??? to take it down a couple notches, yes, I love school, whether it’s for sports or for learning, I’m always excited to come to school everyday wow what a frickin nerd amirite, frickin loser

Favorite subject? depends on my professor. at this point, I highkey hate all of my classes rn bc I don’t feel like I’m learning anything. that miiight also have something to do with depression and anxiety though so idk what to tell ya man

Favorite tv shows? not a super TV person, but I’m a thot for Steven Universe

Favorite movie? I love tf out of movies, my all time would have to be Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (I just pretend that WftPotA didn’t happen atm bc I hate sm of what happened in it), but in the last few days I’ve watched War Horse (I cried like a bitch lemme tell ya), Secretariat (didn’t cry like a bitch but got teary-eyed) and 42 (I did cry at certain parts but it’s kinda uplifting so ya know, wasn’t super sad) and they were all lovely so if you haven’t seen them yet, go watch them! They’re all free on Netflix

Favorite book? When I was little it was this book called Junket (that thing is older than my grandparents, good lordte), I think some of my favorites rn tho are Heartless by Marissa Meyer and Tales from the Perilous Realm by J.R.R. Tolkien

Favorite past time? a couple months ago you would’ve thought it was crying from how much I did that, but tbh it’s probably drawing, writing, reading, watching movies, listening to music, sewing, spending time/going on adventures with my friends and helping my friends with their lives. I KNOW THAT’S EVERYTHING BUT I CAN’T HELP IT REEEE my most favorite past time atm is helping my friend Charlie clean and organize his room and designing things for his business, also spending time with my favorite little niecey-poo in the WHOLE WORLD OMGOODNESS HERE IS A PICTURE OF HER BEAUTIFUL SELF I LOVE HER SM SHE IS THE SWEETEST MOST CUTEST AND FUNNIEST AND SMARTEST WITTO GIRL EVER AND I LOVE HER <3

Do you have regrets? boy oh boy, do I: taking so long to forgive my abuser (thx for destroying my childhood @ my biological father), procrastinating, not having enough self-love/worth/confidence, being complacent with so many of the friends I used to have, focusing so much on socializing in hs rather than my sports and my schoolwork, being so afraid to just be myself bc I knew most people don’t want to be friends with a weirdo, the list goes on, all I can do now is move past it though so... ohwell.

Dream job? oh SIS get ready for this: sooo I want to own my own business, known as LEAD Revitalization (L for Love, E for Equity, A for Advocacy, D for Diplomacy - these are the core values of my business), which aims to help revitalize underdeveloped and underserved ethnic communities in the US and around the world and fight against gentrification through implementing art of all mediums in or near historic locations in that community that is representative of the demographic living there (so if the area is a primarily black neighborhood, you’re gonna see art depicting black history and culture, and if the area is primarily Asian you’d see Asian history and culture). I won’t get too into it just bc that would make this post way too long, but if anyone’s interested or wants to hear more you can bml ;) like literally bc I’m passionate af about it so I will talk your head off for days on end if given the chance

Would you ever like to be married? yes

Would you like kids? yes

How many? two or three of my own (I’m hoping for a girl and a boy) just so I can have the experience of having kids, but once they’re grown and out of the house I would like to adopt more if I have the resources to. my cousin’s adopted, so like, idk. I think that if you can adopt a kid, you should, bc there’s so many of them just stuck in the foster system and that’s complete bs

Do you like shopping? yes but I usually don’t like getting myself things (unless if we’re talking groceries or something I actually need), I love to buy things for other ppl tho if I can

What countries have you visited? canada for like 3 days technically, I just went to Mt. Whistler for spring snowboarding (that shit hurted) with my aunt bc she paid for the whole thing and my passport

Scariest nightmare you have ever had? TRIGGER WARNING: DOMESTIC AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE - I had a nightmare awhile ago that this guy I used to be involved with raped me, I also used to have recurring nightmares after I stopped going to my biological father’s house for visitation where he would come searching for me trying to kill me and my older brother (he’s tried to kill me 3+ times sooo... it makes sense). so like. fun.

Any enemies? S A T A N and myself, or.... my brain, I guess. idk.

Self-doubt? you betcha

Any significant other? kinda? I’m currently fwb with my ex and still have feelings for him (oopsies), we split bc he was going through shit and needed to figure himself out, I’ve been close to him for a phat minute so I’m not really trippin about it. I also have crushes on other people, but nothing’s presented itself as something worth pursuing yet so. yakno.

Do you believe in miracles? lmao I would fuckin hope so, the very fact that I’m alive rn is a gd miracle so yea

How are you? I am so-so. If we’re just talking about today, I’m prolly fine, but if we’re talking long term, I’ve been going through it. I’m just trying to figure myself out atm, and it’s rough, but I’ll probably get there. My friends think I will, at least.

i tag: @crookedly-rainy @secretpatrolpiespy hi I don’t have any other friends on Tumblr so I tagged my friends from Amino Y E E T

Measuring Monday: Daddy

Tumblr has been my quiet safe space for 8 years. This has been a place to grieve and be vulnerable. Much of what I compiled below for this week’s Measuring Monday was already written and shared here over the years. Only now am I beginning to share my writing more publicly and I am thankful for the space and community here when I was less brave.

The world lost a great man 11 years ago yesterday. My world especially got a lot dimmer and for sure a lot less funny.

My Dad was awesome. He was born in Brooklyn and raised on Long Island in the same town I grew up in. He was the first in his family to attend and graduate college (with an Art degree) and after being a hippie in Southern California for a few wanderlust months he went back for a Masters in Education.

My Dad was an art teacher in a low income, minority school district and he LOVED IT. He spent his ENTIRE 33-year career in the district. After teaching for 20ish years he went on to administration. He was a middle school assistant principal for a number of years and then a high school assistant principal for a number of years. They wanted him to be principal, but he didn’t want to deal with politics.

When I was in first grade my Dad started a Saturday enrichment program for K-12 students, he ran the program for 12 years. Some of my favorite childhood memories were from that program. My Dad also piloted a night school program within the school district so people could get their HS diplomas. My Dad was a pretty big deal in the K-12 Education world. Even after he retired he couldn’t stay away. The last year of his life he was teaching in an education certificate program at a Dallas Community College. My Dad was great at what he did.

We shared a love of many, many things, especially musicals. RENT was one of our favorites and after he died “Seasons of Love” took on a new meaning. I’m measuring those years within my “dash” (it’s a great poem if you are not familiar, look it up) in daylights - in sunsets - in midnights - in cups of coffee - in inches - in miles - in laughter - in strife and more.  Back in January 2010, a friend of mine challenged me to measure my year in cups of coffee, which lead to measuring my miles, my body, my health and the rest is history. I get a lot of joy and satisfaction in measuring my life. It makes life seem a little more permanent and a little less fleeting at times.

The last 3-4 years of his life I pretty much talked to my Dad every day, even multiple times a day. Since he was retired he was available to talk whenever. I generally would call him when I was walking to and from class in grad school. Even if it was just a few minutes we’d have a great chat. I can honestly say we were best friends. There are still times when I wish I had my Dad to call.

Our last day was a fabulous Daddy-Daughter day - we were dorks and really called them that. Little did I know that a week later he would be taken from me. I was living in North Texas at the time, 5 months into my first job out of grad school and I was going through a rocky patch. My Dad lived 2.5 hours away in Dallas and wanted to come up for the day to cheer me up. Plus my he was having gastric bypass surgery that Thursday and I really wanted to see him before then.

Part of the reason I moved to Texas was to be closer to my Dad. My parents got divorced after my freshman year of high school and he stayed local, but once I went to college we never lived in the same state. I was in Connecticut and he was in New York or Florida or Texas. I saw my Dad so much in those 5 months we both lived in Texas it was wonderful, some of our best times. I had a lot of ups and downs with my Dad, but our last few months were so much fun.

That last time we hung out I drove up to Oklahoma so we could go to the casino and play some slot machines. Well on the 20-mile drive to Oklahoma I get pulled over on a Sunday afternoon for doing 77 in a 70. I honestly wasn’t aware of my speed because it was an open road and because my Dad and I were singing along to the Aida soundtrack on the top of our lungs. I was so upset about the ticket, but my Dad comforted me and made me feel better, he always did. After the casino, we came back to my apartment, rearranged furniture, and just hung out.

I didn’t want him to leave. I had a sinking feeling about everything. That was the day he told me he was getting gastric bypass over a lap band. I wasn’t a fan of his decision to have either surgery, particularly not gastric bypass. He was 6'2 and 300-325 pounds MAYBE. He has lost 100 pounds through diet and exercise when I was in high school and he kept it off for 8 years before quickly gaining it back after he retired. I was disappointed that he was resorting to surgery. He had been talking about lap band for 6 months and talked to many doctors, went to consults etc. Then within a week of his surgery, his doctor talks him into gastric bypass.

His surgery was Thursday, a week before Thanksgiving. 3 days later that Sunday morning, November 18, 2017, my phone rings at 6:30am. I knew before I answered the phone that he was dead. He was still in the hospital and he essentially bled out internally. A blood transfusion and proper care could have saved his life. I was 2.5 hours away in North Texas not having been fully informed or able to fully comprehend post-op complications and too naive to realize I needed to come down. No twentysomething really thinks their Dad is going to die. I had just spent the prior Sunday with him and was scheduled to come down to Dallas Tuesday for the night before flying to NY for Thanksgiving.

I was devastated, I still am. My whole entire world forever changed. Everything about that day and the weeks and months that followed, including a failed wrongful death lawsuit due to the Texas good old boys club, was a nightmare. I sometimes wish I could “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” much of it.

He was 58, I was 24, and my sister was not quite 22. None of us were ready for him to be gone forever. My sister and I had already lost him once in 1998 when my parents separated and he moved out. To quote a friend who wrote about her Dad on his one year anniversary “I feel both lucky to have had my dad for so many years and angry that he was taken from me when I and he were too young. If I know anything better today than I did last year, it is exactly how complicated and messy life and death and grief are.”

My story is a complicated one on many levels. It’s a lot to bear, especially around the Holidays. Family drama and a Mother that I have a terrible relationship with makes things extra hard. There is no winning with her ever, my Dad was one of the few who really understood. I miss having him on my team. The sad reality is the 11 years that he’s been gone have also led to the 11 worst years in my relationship with my mom. A relationship that was rocky to begin with due to her alcoholism and emotional abuse.

The complications of life and death and grief were something I wasn’t expecting and it really causes tremendous pain. However, out of tragedy, I was finally able to find the motivation to get healthy and fit. I did the work, no shortcuts, no fad diets, and most importantly no surgery.

To quote a message from another friend years ago, about losing her mom, "Sometimes it takes the death of a loved one to wake us up. I consider that a lasting gift from my parent.” I found such comfort and hope in those words. My Daddy didn’t need that surgery and didn’t need to die. Sadly he did, but I refuse to let my weight control my life. I also couldn’t have his death be in vain. So in 2010, I started running, I took charge of my health. I also started fundraising for Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure (ABC2) since most people who have lost loved ones find solace in charity work and there wasn’t a community for my loss out there. So I adopted David Cook’s charity of choice since watching American Idol during those dark months that followed helped me get through each week.

And here I am 11 years later and in the best shape of my life thus far. I thank my Dad for that lasting gift no matter how painful it’s been. I only wish he was here to see me now and the wonderful all-around person I am today.

I’ll leave you with this. One quote I remember my Dad telling to me in a time of struggle in my life was, “Plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” That quote has meant so much to me over the years. YOU only have one life and YOU need to make the most of out of, right now.

Love you Daddy.

RDJ 4/25/49-11/18/07