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zepskies · 4 months

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Smoke Eater - Part 19

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader

Summary: Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real.

That’s when he meets you, on a truly terrible day, trapped in a rickety old elevator.

🔥 Series Masterlist

AN: Deep breaths, my friends. We’re almost to the end. ❤️

Word Count: 5,800 Tags/Warnings: Violence, peril, blood and guns, character death…

Part 19: “Sacrifice”

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted…but you didn’t answer.

“You there?” he asked. There was a pit forming in his stomach when he glanced up at John. His father met his gaze with furrowed brows that betrayed concern.

The line was silent for one more painful moment. Dean opened his mouth to call out to you again, but a smooth voice interrupted.

“Dean, Dean, Dean,” a man replied. “Forgetting something?”

Dean’s heart began to pound. His mouth parted, but for a moment, the words wouldn’t escape.

“Who is this?” he said. His voice was a hint unsteady.

“I think you know, son,” the man replied.

Dean’s wide eyes flicked up to John’s, and the other man sprang into action. He shot a look and a whispered order at Cas, who went running for some IP tracking equipment back in the police car.

Meanwhile, John guided Dean to sit down on the couch. Sam followed them on his brother’s right, while John sat on Dean’s left.

Dean put the phone on speaker between the three of them.

“You’re Daniel Savage, huh?” Dean said. He tried to inject some more control into his tone, like he wasn’t freaking the fuck out. “Man, do I feel special.”

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself, Dean-o. I’m doing the same thing your dad’s doing. Hooking the bigger fish.”

Dean’s lips pursed. He glanced at his father, but his attention on the phone turned steely.

“What the hell do you want?” he asked. “Your lackey’s on lockdown. So’s your bastard son. If you want to help him, I’d suggest you turn your ass over to the cops.”

“Yes, Nick’s an idiot. But family, right?” said Daniel. He breathed out a sigh.

But then his voice was firm and calculating. It made Dean’s skin crawl.

“Cards on the table, son. Your daddy’s got something of mine. I’ve got something of yours.”

Dean’s face hardened, but John raised a placating hand; a warning to keep calm. Dean tried to take a breath.

His heart clenched at the mere thought of you being in the same room with that man. Having been taken and hauled to God knows where. He couldn’t imagine how scared you were. And if you were hurt…

Fuck. There was a roiling pit forming in his stomach, his head starting to pound in time with his heartbeat.

Already Cas was back with a laptop and program designed to track the caller’s phone. He connected a USB-like cord to Dean's phone and began fiddling with the settings, trying to get a read. Dean knew he had to keep this fucker talking.

“You have her with you?” he asked.

“Sure do. She’s a pretty little thing.”

Dean’s jaw clenched in a furious glare. “Don’t you fucking touch her, you son of a bitch.”

“Quid pro quo, Dean. What can you do for me?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, as desperation began to escape him. “There’s no way they’re letting Nick go before the trial. It’s out of my dad’s hands.”

“Your dad has no real evidence that my son is anything more than a successful businessman,” said Daniel. “If you really need someone to pin these unfortunate murders on, you had your man in custody…but, oh wait. You gave him immunity.”

Dean’s eyes were desperate when they met Sam’s worried ones, then their father’s. It didn’t matter that John and Cas did have evidence besides Alastair’s testimony. All Dean cared about was you.

He swallowed. “What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing. It’s what I want John to do.”

Dean took a moment to close his eyes, pull himself together. His hands squeezed his knees to brace himself. When he next opened his eyes, he let out a sharp breath.

“What do you want then? Aside from Nick somehow breaking loose,” he asked.

“I want your dad to back the fuck off, once and for all,” Daniel said. His voice was more edged, with both warning and a hint of frustration. “Or I’ll make his son live the same pathetic existence he does.”

Dean’s next breath came out harsher, as both John and Sam sharpened at the threat.

“That’s right, Dean. These are my terms of engagement, else I’m gonna have a bonfire with your girl here.”

It all gripped Dean at once.

Panic, anger, and desperation.

He grabbed the phone and spoke harshly into the speaker.

“Put her on the damn line," he said. "I wanna hear her and know this isn’t a trick.”

Daniel sighed, like he was getting bored. “Oh, all right.”

There was some shuffling, the sound of Daniel’s steps echoing in what sounded like a large room. Dean’s brows furrowed as he heard sounds of your struggle, then your labored breaths, as if a gag had been removed from your mouth.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Go ahead and talk to him,” said Daniel.

Soon enough, your tremulous voice reached him.

“Dean?” you said. You sounded like you were fighting tears; maybe even losing. Dean’s heart broke all the more for it.

“Yeah, it’s me. Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah…yeah, I’m okay,” you said, though your voice shook. He hoped you weren’t lying for his sake.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He raised a fist to his mouth, ignoring how it shook. “You’re gonna be okay. I’m going to find you—”

All too soon, the phone was taken away from you.

“Rule number one of negotiations, kid. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

Dean’s eyes widened. The next thing he heard was a hard slap. It echoed into the speaker, along with your shout of both surprise and pain, a chair toppling over.

“You fucking bastard!” Dean seethed. “When I find you—”

John interrupted this time, taking the cell phone from Dean. He shot his son a look that was meant to be reassuring, but Dean was too incensed. Sam gripped his shoulder and earned his brother’s gaze. Dean’s chest heaved with the effort of calming his breathing.

“What do you want?” John said into the phone. His voice was clipped and direct.

While he continued to speak, Cas was frowning in frustration over his laptop.

“Anything?” Sam asked.

“I can’t get a lock on his signal. He must have something throwing off the scanner,” Cas replied.

Dean growled in frustration and pushed off the couch. He began to pace the living room, all while he tried to keep an ear on what John was saying lowly into the phone.

By the time he hung up, Dean was raging.

“Fuck this, I’m gonna find her,” he said. John tried to stop him from going anywhere with a hand on his shoulder. Dean knocked him off angrily. Sam also stood, for once on the same page as his father, no matter how much he sympathized.

“Dean, you need to calm down,” John tried.

It was the wrong thing to say.

“I didn’t ask for this!” Dean shouted. The force of it echoed on the apartment walls. “Matter of fact, I’ve never asked you for a damn thing until now. Only that you’d keep me in the loop on Azazel, and keep her out of this. But you couldn’t even do that, could you?”

Sam was at a loss, looking between his father and brother. Cas was also caught in between, watching the scene with concern, and bated breath.

John’s broad shoulders sunk a bit, along with the deep breath he expelled.

“You’re right,” John said. "You're right, son. And I'm sorry."

His eyes held the weight of his words. Of sincerity. And by degrees, Dean’s anger lessened.

Again, not by much.

“Let’s fix it,” said John. “Once and for all.”

Dean wasn’t fully recovered from his TBI. He’d been cleared for driving, but not yet for full physical exercise, let alone going back to work. The stress of all this was giving him a powerful headache, but there was no way he was going to be sidelined now, on any part of it.

Sam was forced to withdraw the case against Nick Savage, citing lack of evidence to support a trial at this time. The judge gave Sam permission to refile when he was able to build a better case.

John was then tasked with escorting Nick out of prison. Cas, meanwhile, was sitting in his personal car outside the county jail with Dean in the passenger seat. Cas didn’t trust what his friend would do behind the wheel once he saw Nick.

“What happens after Nick gets out?” Dean asked. “Dad’s been cagey about the whole deal.”

“We’re escorting him to the airport,” Cas said. “There we’ll wait for Daniel and make the exchange.”

Nick, for you. That was the deal.

“And then?” Dean asked, his teeth already clenching.

Cas blew out a sigh. “We’ll have a unit waiting on standby. We’re going to try and get ahold of whoever has her, though I doubt Daniel will come himself.”

“What if you can’t catch him?” Dean pressed.

Cas didn’t want to have to tell his friend something he didn’t want to hear, but he didn’t make a habit of lying to Dean. He wasn’t about to start now.

“Then it’s over, for now,” he replied. “We each go back to our corners and regroup.”

“Dad’ll never stop hunting this guy,” Dean said.

“That may be,” Cas nodded. “But he does have a line.”

“My father’s an obsessed bastard,” Dean groused. “He doesn’t have a damn line.”

Cas looked over at him then. He was calm and sympathetic, and yet, still disagreeing in his silence. Dean knew he was probably wrong, but in the moment, he didn’t care. He was still angry.

He perked up, however, when the prison doors slid open. Out came John escorting Nick and his lawyer, Amelia. Nick looked as smug as ever now that his cuffs were off. He was given the clothes he was arrested in—a blue silk shirt, pants, Italian leather shoes, and a silver Rolex watch.

Screw this, Dean thought. He unlocked the car from his side and climbed out. He didn’t care that he could hear Cas mutter a curse behind him and follow suit.

Nick saw Dean coming and couldn’t help but smirk, even as John grasped his arm and led him to his police car.

“Hey, fireman,” Nick taunted with his waggling brows. “Where’s our girl?”

Dean’s lips edged at a dangerous smile. Cas came up just behind him, ready to restrain him if need be.

“You can finesse your way out of this, but remember our little chat,” Dean said. His eyes burned with a thinly veiled threat. “Not a dime in this world can protect you from me.”

Nick pretended to shiver.

“Ooh, I’m so fucking scared,” he snarked. He resisted John’s manhandling and ripped his arm out of the other man’s grasp to step further into the open, leaving just a few yards between him and Dean.

“You can’t touch me,” Nick taunted. “You won’t dare. Not unless you want—”

Three shots rang out in the open clearing.

All heads ducked, but Dean’s eyes widened. He watched Nick crumple to the ground as scarlet red plumed in the man’s silk shirt. The shock etched on his face drained along with his life, leaving blue eyes staring up at a clear sky.

Forensics at the scene found traces of a sniper on the rooftop of a building directly across from the county jail.

John and Cas already were mounting an entire unit search in locating Alastair Rolston, but he had apparently moved out of his apartment as soon as he was released from prison with his immunity deal. (The police officers escorting him into witness protection had been found dead at the scene of his designated safe house.)

The detectives were later called into the medical examiner’s office on the case of Nick Savage—not to examine the body, but the bullets that had carved into his heart, right lung, and throat.

One of the bullets had a special casing. Inside was a rolled-up note, not unlike a carrier pigeon. It had a simple message:

JOHN — STULL STORAGE. COME ALONE.

Once again, Dean refused to sit idly. He’d pushed back hard enough that John had eventually relented. This time, however, Sam stepped in to make sure his brother was reigned in. Dean’s knee was already bouncing with anticipation and nervousness.

It was nearly midnight on a Tuesday. The brothers sat in the surveillance van with Jody Mills, all wearing protective Kevlar vests as precaution. The van was removed from the immediate site of Stull Storage, which was made up of a main warehouse and several rows of storage units on the other side.

Cas was leading another police unit on standby, but John was going into the warehouse. He wore his usual leather jacket over his rumpled shirt, pants, and boots, but also a protective vest and hidden wire under his collar.

Sam, Dean, and Jody were able to listen in as John entered alone.

He had a flashlight positioned over his raised gun as he walked into the building. He found some light switches along the wall and was able to turn on half the room’s fluorescent ceiling lights.

He heard a whimper.

Moving towards the sound cautiously, John soon found you tied to a chair. You looked a bit worse for wear; though you were dressed for an interview in black slacks and a blouse, your hair was in disarray, your cheek still sported a fading red mark, and you likely had other bumps and bruises.

Your eyes widened with hope when you saw John. You made sounds of surprise around the gag tied in your mouth, but he shushed you with a finger held to his lips.

He went over to you after lowering his gun, cocking back the safety, and re-holstering. He went to untie the gag first. You breathed deeply when it was gone.

“You okay?” he asked, touching your arm in comfort.

“Yeah,” you nodded, but your widening eyes still darted behind him.

Another safety clicked back. John immediately drew his gun again and turned. He was met with the man of the hour.

Standing mere feet away with his own gun was Daniel Savage. AKA: Azazel.

“Ooh, you’re getting old, John,” he said with a smirk. “Wasn’t expecting to get the drop on you so easily.”

John subtly moved so he was standing in front of you. He hadn't had time to untie you from the chair. Your breathing came out shallow as you tried to spy around John to your captor.

“Daniel,” John greeted. “It’s about time, wouldn’t you say?”

“You cheated though,” said Daniel, despite his cocky smirk. Like father like son. “I know you’ve got a team waiting in the wings.”

“If you wanna get technical, you cheated first,” John pointed out.

Daniel shrugged. Behind him came around ten of his own hired men, armed with their own guns. “Hate the player, hate the game, my friend.”

John’s lips pursed, but he didn’t lower his gun. He had a straight shot at Daniel’s chest.

“Even if you do get off a shot, you’ll be Swiss cheese where you stand,” Daniel said.

“Small price to pay for ending your miserable fucking life,” John remarked.

Daniel’s brows rose. “Are you gonna make her pay for it too?”

He gestured behind John, where he glanced back at your face. Your red-rimmed eyes were shining with tears. And John knew that once his gun fired, his body would hit the ground. Yours wouldn’t be far behind.

His brows furrowed, and the hands holding his weapon wavered.

“So how you do think this is gonna play out?” John asked.

“Well, for starters, you’re going to drop that damn gun,” said Daniel. He cocked his own weapon. “Then, you’re going to get down on your knees and take this bullet, like putting down a rabid dog. Then maybe, I’ll let her go before the cops rush in.”

John’s hesitation was mere seconds. He clicked the safety back on. He set down his gun, and lowered to his knees in slow movements.

Your eyes widened further as incredulous tears slipped down your cheeks. You shook your head.

“Don’t!” you said shakily.

John didn’t look back at you this time, but he did answer you.

“It’s all right, sweetheart,” he said.

Daniel’s grim smile made you shiver.

“What a caring father-in-law,” he said, and he slowly stalked forward. “You know, I prided myself on delegating my operations well. Oh, it was a well-oiled machine back in the day. But some things…well, some things are just better handled yourself. Know what I mean?”

He tilted his head down at John.

“For example: I really regret the way I had your wife killed,” he said. “For all the trouble you’ve given me, I wish I’d actually burned the bitch myself.”

John glared up at the man with pure fury and hatred.

Though his eyes widened when the first shot split the air, and buried a bullet in Daniel’s left arm. Daniel shouted in pain as he unconsciously dropped his gun. John dove for it, and everything started to happen at once.

Daniel kicked at John’s chest while holding his wounded arm, tossing the other man back. John rolled onto his feet, and their full out brawl began. Meanwhile, a unit of police officers swarmed into the warehouse and sparked a shootout with Daniel’s men.

And in all of this, Cas came out from behind your line of vision to untie you. He wore a protective vest over his usual white dress shirt, now rolled up to the elbows.

“Cas!” you gasped. He gave you a smile, then used a pocketknife to cut through the zip ties holding your wrists behind you and your ankles to the chair.

“Come on, let’s go.” He helped you up and guided you out the back of the warehouse.

The last coherent sound Sam and Dean heard was a bullet fired and hitting its target. They couldn’t tell if it was John or Daniel that had been hit, or even you.

Above all things, Dean was a man of action.

He just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Fuck this,” he growled. He got to his feet and went for the door of the surveillance van, but while Jody voiced her protest, it was Sam who reached him first.

“Dean, stop! You can’t go out there!” Sam said.

“The hell I can’t,” Dean said. The punch he reared back and threw was precise when it cracked Sam in the cheek. He went down hard. It was all Jody could do to keep him from knocking his head on the metal floor, but Sam was out cold, with his hair flopped over his face.

"Dean!" Jody yelled after him. She stared after the open door of the van with wide, worried eyes.

There were rows upon rows of storage units behind the warehouse. It felt like a maze in itself, one that you and Cas were forced to navigate alone in the crisp January night. Both of you saw your breath on the air as you tried to move quickly, but quietly.

Until a long arm reached out on the other side of a unit, and a hand closed on Cas’s gun, pushing it down and ripping it out of his hands. An elbow cracked into his face, making him grunt and stumble.

Your scream of surprise echoed in the night. You stared up into the familiar face of Alastair, whose mouth formed a sly grin.

“Hey there, beautiful,” he said.

Cas distracted him with a blow that Alastair blocked, but it gave Cas room to break the taller man’s stance and knock his head against the unit wall—once, twice, until the man stumbled and fell. He wasn’t knocked out, but Cas didn’t wait for Alastair to recover. He grabbed you and forced you to run.

“I thought he was in protective custody for the trial,” you said, through huffing breaths.

“Evidently he escaped,” Cas replied.

“God, Cas. You really need to hand out some pink slips,” you said, with a tremor in your voice. The police were supposed to have been watching you as well, before you were kidnapped. Cas conceded your point.

“We really shouldn’t have given him immunity,” he grumbled.

Dean knew he was being some kind of idiot.

Knew it as he carefully approached a side door of the warehouse. His vest wouldn’t protect his whole body if he entered the no man’s land shootout he could hear happening on the other side of the door.

Already he could see policemen escorting some of Azazel’s captured team around the front exit. Dean kept to the shadows, and he cracked the side door open.

There was still plenty going on inside. A few bodies were already strewn across the dusty warehouse floor. Large crates stacked up to the ceiling offered meager protection for both sides of the siege, including Dean as he kept to the wall and slid his way inside and behind a formation of wooden crates. He scanned the room until he found his dad.

John was fighting hand-to-hand with who had to be Daniel Savage. Even though the latter had blood dripping from his arm, John had his share of bruises and scrapes, including a long cut across his cheek from the knife clenched in Daniel’s non-injured right hand.

What the hell do I do? Dean assessed the situation, his eyes darting quickly between the men. He came in here without a weapon (another smart move). He went through most of the training a million years ago, but Dean wasn’t a police officer. He was a firefighter.

However, when he spotted a forgotten Glock on the floor, just a few yards away where the men were still tousling, Dean inched his way closer. He’d have to leave the relative safety of the crates and throw himself out into the open to reach the gun. At this point, Daniel was closer.

And he’d noticed the gun too, at the same time that John glanced up and saw his son. His eyes widened, and just for a moment he lost his grip on Daniel. The other man went for the gun at the same time Dean dove.

John yanked Daniel back by his collar and kneed him in the stomach. But Daniel had the longer reach. He cracked an elbow into John’s face and followed by a swift punch to the gut. John grunted and doubled over at the impact to his already battered ribs and stomach.

Daniel threw him head-first into a pile of nearby crates. He was breathing hard, but his lips twitched in satisfaction at the way John fell into a heap of broken wood. The detective was clearly waning.

Daniel stalked forward. Ignoring his still bleeding shoulder, he grabbed John by the jacket and collar of his shirt and hefted him up to his feet, prepared to deliver another blow. The cocking of a nearby gun made him pause. But in a moment, he twisted John in front him with an arm wrapped around his neck to face his next attacker.

While Daniel had been distracted, Dean had managed to dive and roll across the concrete, scooping up the gun on his way back onto his feet. Now he’d had the time to take aim and wait for his moment, which was right fucking now.

Slowly, Daniel tilted his head to look past John’s shoulder. He was met with Dean’s smirk and a gun pointed directly at his head.

“I think I’ve got something of yours,” Dean remarked. His fingers slid over the trigger.

Daniel tilted his head. A dry smile edged at the corner of his lips. “All right, Dean. Well played. But…”

He tightened his arm around John’s throat and held the knife poised at his neck.

“We’re at what you’d call an impasse, don’t you think?” Daniel asked.

“Dean,” John said. He met his eldest’s gaze as uncertainly crept into Dean’s stance. His hand was still held aloft, but there was an almost imperceptible shake.

“Just shoot him,” said John, with full conviction. “Don’t worry about me.”

Dean’s mouth pressed into a line, his brows furrowing. He wasn’t doing that.

“See, I don’t think he’s got it in ‘im,” Daniel said, speaking lowly in John’s ear. His knife tightened against John’s neck. “You’re out of your fucking depth, Dean.”

Dean flinched as a bullet zoomed past his head from across the room. He was reminded that there was still a fight going on, and the three of them were very much out in the open. John’s face turned more urgent, with thinly veiled worry.

“Dean, either shoot him or get the hell out of here,” he said tersely.

“I’m not leaving,” Dean said, with a small, stubborn shake of his head. But he was nervous. Despite how close he’d come with Nick Savage, Dean had never shot at someone, let alone taken a life. The gun was heavy in his hand.

“Running out of time, son,” Daniel taunted.

“I’m not your fucking son,” Dean gritted out. “Speaking of, did you have Alastair do your dirty work, taking out Nick, or did you pull that trigger yourself?”

Daniel’s smirk faded, his gaze tightening with resignation.

“Sacrifices, Dean,” he said. “We make ‘em to survive. To make sure our legacies survive.”

Dean’s eyes widened as he looked at this man, and he finally understood what his dad had been trying to tell him.

He ain’t a man. He’s a monster.

The gun was heavy in his hand…

“Come on, Dean!” Daniel shouted. “Make a decision—”

Dean still remembered most things he’d learned at the Police Academy. He’d lived, ate, sweat, and breathed those drills and tests for months. And yet, there was only one score he’d truly been proud of. It was the one record of his dad’s that he’d managed to beat.

You could guess which one.

Dean let his fingers squeeze the trigger on some instinct he couldn’t name. Daniel was forced to choke on his words.

Cas pulled you around the corner of a storage unit that blocked the light of the moon. It was just in time for a bullet to rip past where his head used to be.

You leaned heavily against the wall and heaved for breath, but Cas held a finger to his lips while he tried to calm his own breathing.

You held a hand over your mouth to try and stifle the sounds from getting out. Your eyes were wide and panicked, but Cas could only reassure you with a brief hand on your shoulder. He nodded and signaled with his free hand. Wait.

You gave a jerky nod in return. So he reached for his belt and brandished the only weapon he had left—the knife he’d used to cut through your bonds. The air was quiet, except for the distant shouts of police officers; it sounded like Azazel’s men were finally being rounded up.

Cas had called for backup earlier, but he didn’t think they could wait for it. Nor would he know if they were coming. He’d long since turned off the radio on his belt so that it couldn’t tip off his position with you.

He chanced looking around the wall of the storage unit. The coast looked clear, though he knew it wasn’t. Still, the best Cas could hope for was to cover you on the way back to the police barricade. He leaned back and reached for you. He guided you, both with his eyes and a hand on your back.

On the count of three, run, he mouthed. You wordlessly agreed. He saw the fear shining in your eyes.

One…two…

An arm shot out to grab Castiel’s collar the moment he stepped out from his cover, making you scream. The first punch came swift; Alastair was taller, perhaps stronger, but Cas recovered quickly.

He ducked the other man’s arm and delivered an uppercut that had his adversary careening back. With a well-placed jab to the wrist, Alastair’s gun clattered away across the ground.

Cas managed to shoot you a quick look. “Run. Now!”

You paused for a mere moment while Cas continued to grapple with Alastair. Then, in your frozen fear, you finally managed flight. And you took off running, even though Alastair tried to grab at your hair. Cas held him back and continued the fight.

You’d only managed a few yards of distance though, before you couldn’t help but look back. Something in you just couldn’t leave Cas behind.

You took cover behind another storage unit and watched Alastair slowly get the upper hand. He managed to pin Cas against the ribbed metal wall of a unit. He winced as it dug into his spine, but he had bigger problems.

He spat blood after the third blow to his jaw and tried to blink dark spots of his vision. Alastair looked down on him with the lean look of a predator. His smile betrayed the enjoyment he took in his work.

“Contrary to what you might think, I’ve never killed a cop before,” he said. “Just a cop’s wife.”

Cas’s eyes widened a fraction. Alastair’s smile deepened. He raised a bloody fist to finish his work, but he winced and weakened with a shout as a knife embedded deep in his thigh.

It was Cas’s knife that you’d found on the ground.

Alastair’s angry eyes looked down and met your scared ones. You let go of the knife and scrambled back. He backhanded you roughly. You cried out and fell hard on the pavement.

Alastair reached for the knife, but Cas grabbed it first. He twisted as he yanked it out, then jabbed it into the taller man’s neck. It choked his scream as he stumbled back. And yet, even that didn’t manage to kill him.

Cas dove for the fallen gun. It was mere feet away from where he’d forced it out of Alastair’s grip. Cas felt a hand grab his shoulder. He reacted fast—he turned and shot two rounds of hot led into Alastair’s gut.

His gray eyes went wide. Blood gurgled in his mouth.

And slowly, Alastair slid to the ground.

Cas was bloody, his shirt stained and torn, but he was still standing with ragged breath. You had managed to sit up, though your shocked eyes were trained on the body you’d just seen fall into a heap. The horrific spell of it broke when Cas gently touched your shoulder.

You gasped and raised your head.

“It’s okay,” he said, reaching a hand to you. “It’s over.”

Cas escorted you back to the police barricade. There you found Sam, and the mere sight of him relieved you so much you didn’t realize you were crying when you stepped into his embrace. He hugged you tight and asked if you were all right.

You couldn’t give him an honest answer, but at least you were alive.

“I’m okay,” you said tremulously, but you pulled back at grasped his arms. “Where’s Dean?”

Sam looked anxious as his gaze flit between you and Cas.

“That goddamn idiot, he went in there! They won’t let me through—”

“What?” Cas said incredulously. “Into the warehouse?”

Your tears fell anew as a new frantic worry took hold, churning in your stomach and making you feel sick. You turned, and both Cas and Sam had to stop you from heading towards the warehouse.

“Get him out of there!” you cried. “Dean!”

You tried to push past Cas and his attempts to calm you, but you stopped the moment you saw him…

Dean was helping John limp out of the warehouse. Jody was on John’s other side, supporting him as well. John looked beat to hell, and exhausted, but there was no mistaking the calm look on his face. Like he’d finally sleep tonight.

Dean, on the other hand, looked pale, haggard, and worried. However, his head perked up as soon as he heard your voice. His eyes widened. He turned to Jody to make sure she could support John on her own, and she nodded at him.

It let Dean make his way straight for you.

Sam and Cas finally released you, like a horse waiting to bolt out of the stables. Your tears blurred your vision as you went to him.

When Dean swept you up into his arms, you were able to throw yours around his neck and cling to him for all you were worth. You buried your face into his neck and sobbed your relief.

You wouldn’t know that Dean’s eyes were shining and red, his mouth trembling slightly as he sucked in a breath and held you as tight as he dared. His hand came up to cup the back of your head, over your wild hair. His lips pressed to the side of your head as he closed his eyes for a moment.

“You okay?” he asked, when he was able to speak.

“Mhmm,” you nodded, though his question prompted you to pull back and find his face. Your heels came back to the ground, and you reached up to stroke his cheek and search his gaze.

“What about you?” you asked tremulously. “Your head?”

“’M fine,” he said. Though the truth was, he was reeling. His ears still rung from the bullet that hit Daniel between the eyes.

The weight of that decision was almost too fresh to be real, but it was heavy on Dean all the same. He could even get in legal trouble for this. He wasn’t supposed to have entered that building. Hell, he’d picked up a gun and shot a man.

Though he already knew what Sam would say.

Justification. Imminent danger. Self-defense.

Dean just didn’t know if that would fly here, especially with the Fire Department.

Right now, however, you were his lifeline. You grounded him in reality when you held his face in your hands. Just beyond you, he could see the relief on both Sam and Cas’s faces.

Dean gave them a smile, but he focused back on you. He held your hand to his cheek.

“Promise me you’re gonna stay put for a while,” he quipped. “Preferably where I can see you.”

You scoffed at him through the tears glittering in your eyes.

“Dean Winchester, if that isn’t the most hypocritical thing that’s ever come out of your mouth!” you said, punctuating your words with a slap on his chest.

“Hey!” he protested, but you ignored him. You gripped his shirt and felt the Kevlar underneath. It might’ve protected his chest, but he hadn’t had anything to protect his damn head.

“You run into fires, not bullets, you idiot,” you said, now wiping frustrated tears from your cheek.

Dean’s tension began to ease with a smile. He held you more securely, pulling you flush against him.

“You sound like Bobby,” he teased.

“Good!” you snapped. “You’re not allowed to scare me like that. Do you hear m—?”

He didn’t think he’d ever miss you giving him shit, but this time, it just made him smile until the corners of his eyes crinkled. Shortly before he cut you off with a searing kiss.

You made a sound of surprise, even as you gripped at his shirt, then his face to keep him there. You both knew this night was long from being over. An even longer way from recovering.

But for now, this was a good start.

AN: And so, we're drawing near to the end. 🥹 What did you think of the respective ends of Nick and Daniel Savage, and even Alastair? And of course, her and Dean's reunion. 💗

Soon (this weekend), we have the epilogue...

Next Time:

“So…I’ve gotta tell you something,” said Dean, after he parted from your lips for a moment, and allowed you to breathe. His tone made you tilt your head in suspicion.

“It’s nothing bad,” he said, though he looked a bit nervous.

Your brows furrowed. You led him to the couch, where he took your hands in his. It took him a moment to get started. He seemed stuck on what he wanted to say, or maybe just how he wanted to say it.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure I can handle it,” you teased.

Dean gave you a smile. His shoulders relaxed a little...

Keep Reading: THE EPILOGUE

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Series Tag List (Part 1):

@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb

@vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @roseblue373 @this-is-me19 @emily-winchester @spnexploration @deans-spinster-witch @deans-baby-momma @iprobablyshipit91

@melancholictearz @nic-kolas @sleepyqueerenergy @wayward-lost-and-never-found @thewritersaddictions @just-levyy @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @deanwanddamons @antisocialcorrupt @lacilou @adoringanakin @theonlymaninthesky @teehxk @midnightmadwoman @brianochka @branj19

@agalliasi @venicesem @chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78 @solariklees @xsophianicolex @deansbbyx @candy-coated-misery0731 @curlycarley @sarahgracej @bagpussjocken @deanfreakingwinchester @chernayawidow @beskarfilms @mimaria420 @illicithallways

#Sacrifice #Smoke Eater #Part 19 #dean winchester #Firefighter!Dean Winchester #dean winchester x reader #Dean Winchester x female reader #firefighter!Dean Winchester x Reader #dean winchester x you #firefighter AU #dean winchester AU #spn #supernatural #john winchester #sam winchester #Castiel #zepskies writes

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fangirlingfromdownunder · 9 months

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Seeking Comfort in Solitude

Summary - Part 29 in the Comfort series

Pairing - Dean Winchester x Reader, Reader x Sam (platonic), Reader x Bobby (father-figure), Andre (OG Character) x Reader (best friends)

Series Masterlist | Masterlist

Meanwhile in an undisclosed location…

“Do what you want with me, but you leave her out of it!” Dean spits out while fighting against the ropes around his wrists.

“No, you see, it’s not in her anymore … but it will be. We just need to make sure you know the stakes here.”

“To hell with the stakes! You just stay away from her!” The demon brings his knife up to Dean’s cheek and applies pressure leaving a trail of blood. “Just kill me already!”

“No, we need you alive. We need you to take a message and a gift back to your precious girl. We just need her to know that if she doesn’t hand over the package once it arrives then she can kiss her lover boy goodbye.”

“If you’re gonna kill me anyway, just do it. She’ll never give you what you want.”

A new, deep voice echoes through the room, followed by heavy footsteps approaching, “She will, she’s getting very close to giving in. She’s so desperate to find you she’s willing to offer almost anything. A few more days of this torture and she’ll be ready to give us anything we want just to see you again.”

“Great, more of you asshats…”

A short man comes out of the shadows dressed in a pressed black suit. “I’m hardly grouped with these imbeciles. I’m the King of Hell and you should address me as such.”

“You’re a little short for the King of Hell, don’t ya think? But if you’re the man in charge at least tell me what you want from her?”

“Not much … it’s an insignificant little thing really. And it’s not even so much from her, but you’re incapable of repopulating on your own.”

Dean takes in his words for a second before it clicks, he smirks. “Sorry pal, didn’t the demons give you the memo? She lost the baby. And now we’ve agreed on celibacy.”

“The great Dean Winchester celibate? Well, we’ll just see how long that lasts.” The man paces around the room stroking his chin with one hand. “She’s close to breaking, keep him here another day. Don’t let him out of your sight!” He clicks his fingers and disappears.

Dean pulls at the ropes harder, leaving rope burns on his wrists. Then a bright light fills the room along with a chorus of screams. And then another set of footsteps approaches, Dean steels himself for the hit but it never comes. Instead, he feels the rope loosen from his wrists prompting him to bring them around to his front and rub the burns.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Took you long enough, Cas. How’s Y/N? Is she safe?”

“Yes, she’s safe. She’s with Sam.”

“Good. You have to take me as far away from her as you can.”

“But you love her? You’re soul mates.”

“Yeah, and no doubt set up by cupids the same way my mom and dad were. This bloodline ends with me. I won’t bring a cursed child into the world. And I sure as hell won’t let demons get their hands on it. But I lose all control around her, so you have to keep me away from her. Lock me up, kill me, whatever you have to do, just keep her safe.”

“Dean…”

“Cas, please, I’m begging you.”

“Fine.” Cas presses two fingers to Dean’s forehead to heal him, and he blacks out.

When Dean reopens his eyes he blinks a few times trying to assess his surroundings. His eyes land on his guns adorning the walls, then the picture on his bedside table of you and him kissing. He rubs his eyes, shaking his head as he pulls himself into a sitting position.

“Cas!” He calls out, his voice hoarse.

Seconds later Cas pushes his door open and comes in carrying a Biggerson’s paperbag and beer bottle. “Here. Eat. Drink,” he says matter-of-factly.

“This isn’t far from her, she’s gonna come back. This better just be a pit stop. You’re getting me the hell out of here!”

“You’re a match literally made in heaven, why would you want to leave her? I thought you loved her?”

“I do, Cas. I love her more than anything. And that’s exactly why I have to leave her. She’s not safe with me. The demons want her, not for her blood but for mine. She wants a family. A little child to raise as her own. But I can’t give her that. And she deserves it. She deserves the world.”

“As far as I can tell, you’re perfectly fertile, Dean. Even despite your many deaths.”

“That’s not what I mean. If I have a child the demons will stop at nothing to get it. So, this bloodline has to end.”

“You could get a sperm donor.”

“Cas. Not helping”

“It’s a perfectly viable option. Millions of humans do it everyday.”

“Not me. I won’t raise a child in this life. I was disillusioned before when she was pregnant. I wasn’t being practical. We cannot have a child. And she deserves to get out of this life, and I know she won’t as long as she’s with me. The monsters won’t let us. So, I leave and she gets to move on with someone else who can keep her safe and give her the family she deserves.”

“But, you’re her soulmate …”

“I don’t give a crap about soulmates, Cas! I care about Y/N and her safety, that is all. So, you either zap me somewhere far away right now or at least get me to my car so I can leave myself.”

“Your car’s in the garage … You know this will break her heart.”

“At least she’ll be alive and safe.”

“Very well.” Cas dumps the food and drink on the end of Dean’s bed and disappears.

Ignoring the food and drink, Dean gets up and takes a seat at his desk pulling out a notebook and pen. He starts writing, but only gets as far as ‘Dear Y/N, My love,’ before he tears up and pegs the notepad across the room. Getting up again he leaves his room in search of a stronger beverage than the beer Cas offered. He pours himself a fifth of whisky and then decides to just drink out of the bottle. After taking a few swigs he takes the bottle and makes his way back into his room. He picks up the notepad off the floor, but something distracts him. He notices an unfamiliar small, pink box under the bed.

He dumps the notepad on the bed and drags out the box and opens it. Inside he finds the positive pregnancy test, the piece of paper with the positive results and a tiny jumpsuit that he doesn’t recognise. He pulls out the jumpsuit and stares at it as more tears drip down his cheeks. After a few minutes he shoves it back in the box, closes it back up and pushes it back under the bed.

He stands up again and brings the notepad back over to his desk and sits in front of it. He takes another drink of whisky and brings the pen back to the paper but his mind refuses to cooperate. He finds himself reaching for one of his spare phones instead and staring at her number. His tears fall on the paper causing it to wrinkle and smudge, so he rips off the page, scrunches it up and tosses it in the direction of the rubbish bin in the corner of the room. He roughly wipes his tears away, takes another mouthful of whiskey and picks back up the pen and begins to write.

“Dear Y/N, My Love,

I never tell you enough but you mean the world to me. You make me feel happier and safer than I’ve ever felt in my life and I want nothing more than for you to feel that too. I know you’ll never be safe as long as I’m by your side. With me you’ll continue to hunt monsters and be hunted by monsters, you’ll never get to have the happy family and children you want. That’s not my life; it never will be. My bloodline is cursed and as such it must end with me. But that doesn’t mean you should give up on your dream. You deserve to have all of your good dreams come true, instead of your nightmares.

I don’t want you to worry about me or search for me. I’ve gone somewhere safe, I promise. Now please use this opportunity to do the same. Get out of this life, get a normal 9-5 job, meet a normal man that makes you happy, protects you, and provides for you, and live the life you really want and deserve. You’ll be the perfect wife and mother one day. You’ve been the perfect fiancé. I��ll be forever jealous of the next man you give your heart to, but more than that I’ll be happy knowing that you’re safe.

Dean”

Once he finishes signing his name he takes another mouthful of whisky and gets up to start packing up the only room he’s ever called his own. He starts with his drawers and wardrobe. As he pulls his clothes from their hangers and crushes them into a duffel bag he can’t help but hesitate when it comes to his flannels. He knows how much you like them so he decides to leave a few hanging there with your clothes. Then he moves on to his toothbrush and other hygiene essentials and weapons. He leaves his record player and records behind for you as he knows how much you like listening to them and how they calm you down after a rough day. The last thing he takes before disappearing onto the open road in his beloved Impala is the picture of the two of you from his nightstand. He tries to listen to music but all he can hear is your sweet voice singing along so he shuts it off and drives in silence. No destination in mind, he just knows he has to go somewhere where you won’t look for him and find him.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Tag list: (Leave a like or comment on this post or let me know below if you want to be added to the tag list for this series)

@bitchwitch1981, @muhahaha303, @justrealizedimmascifygurl, @mcdowell-123, @leigh70, @marvelsmarauder, @losa12308, @tapedeck-hearts, @luvjaida, @peachtxa, @ambearsstuff, @shadow-of-a-cloud, @slut-for-buck, @iprobablyshipit91, @sassy-pelican, @fallenlilangel99, @heavenlyhopeful0, @nelachu2423

#dean winchester x reader #dean x you #dean winchester #supernatural #spn #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fluff

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megs-98 · 5 months

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10 characters

big thanks to @justporo and @tavdraws for the tag! :)

rules: pick 10 characters from 10 fandoms and tag 10 people

not gonna lie, these descriptions will probably be pretty short but just know i love all of these characters with my whole chest

1: gonna follow the lead and put astarion first because this pixelated man as truly changed my life for the better. he got me back into gaming, back on tumblr, and introduced me to the most incredible people i've ever met

2: bob belcher- i am him, he is me, we are one. bob's burgers is my go to comfort show and i just love bob so much. he's such a loving husband, father, and friend. so unproblematic, ugh i just love him

3: trevor belmont- this man had me hooked, he's so funny, stubborn, and skilled. i don't know much about castlevania other than what i've seen in the show and i loved him the minute i saw him

4: padme amidala- i absolutely loved natalie portman's portyal of padme. the prequel series really left a mark on my childhood and i still love watching them. she's just such a badass character, her and anakin should have been at the club

5: pike trickfoot- while i love the whole vox machina crew, i have loved watching pike's journey throughout the show (i really need to watch the campaign too) but this show and character deepened my interest in dnd and is just so fun to watch

6: dean winchester- i mean, what more can i say.. this man still has a grip on me after i first saw him for the first time when i was in middle school. seeing his complexities, his love for sammie, cas, and bobby is so heartwarming. just give this man a hug please

7: billy butcher- out of all the morally grey characters i love, butcher is in the top 3 for sure. the boys is such an incredible show and i love the antihero/vigilantly take that eric kripke took and expanded on. butcher has been through so much, is still going through so much, and i just love watching as his character evolves

8: inuyasha- this is the first anime i ever watched, back when you hoped to god all the episodes with subtitles could be found on youtube or else you had to scour the internet looking for a website that would actually worked. his bond with kagome, the sassiness, just everything about him kept me watching the show

9: coraline jones- i have loved this movie from the first time i watched it, i desperately need to read the book. it's just such a fun watch and coraline is such a strong, independent girl who stands up for herself and what's right. easily one of my favorite movies

10: dennis rafkin- 13 ghosts was one of my favorite movies growing up. mans is so stressed the whole time trying to help arthur and his family get out of that damn house, i love him (really any matthew lillard character)

i'm tagging @sighmurderbot @thatfreshi @vicsplinters @rosyangel95 @starbuds-and-rosedust @kentuckynm @bloodlessbhaalbabe @smaranshakthi @novarunestone @minibabymel (apologies if you've been tagged already or have already done this :) ) no pressure to participate, only if you want too! <3

#astarion #bobs burgers #trevor belmont #padme amidala #pike trickfoot #dean winchester #billy butcher #inuyasha #coraline #dennis rafkin

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deancasbigbang · 2 years

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Title: The Shadow of Mount Seelie

Author: butterflyslinky

Artist: lotrspnfangirl

Rating: Mature

Pairings: Dean/Cas, Past Dean/Lydia, Implied Cas/Lilith

Length: 38000

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Implied Rape/Noncon Past Minor Character Death, Domestic Violence, Torture, Murder

Tags: Single Father Dean Winchester, Fairy Tales and Folklore, Mild Sexual Content, Fairy Castiel

Posting Date: November 9, 2022

Summary: Dean and his daughter Emma have moved to the peaceful village of Mount Seelie, where everyone gets whatever they want. Dean soon finds that the villagers are hiding something that seems to center on the odd but handsome local handyman, Castiel.

Excerpt: “Hello, Dean.” Cas looked awkward, but happy. “Thank you for inviting me.” “Yeah, of course.” Dean led Cas inside. “Sorry if I’m a little in and out, I’m working on this single-handed.” “I can help,” Cas offered. “No, you’re a guest.” Cas shrugged. “I hate not working when someone else is. Besides, I’ve observed a certain camaraderie is formed when cooking a meal together. I would like to share that with you, if it’s all right.” Dean just stared at him for a moment. “Um…okay,” he said. “I could use some help, yeah.” Cas smiled and followed Dean to the kitchen. Dean was still trying to sort out what kind of camaraderie Cas could be looking for. Sure, Dean knew that women formed close bonds in the kitchen, but he didn’t know any men who had. Then again, Dean hadn’t exactly grown up in the sort of family where men helped in the kitchen, or indeed, the sort of lifestyle that involved a kitchen at all. Luckily, Cas seemed to be as handy with food as he was with everything else. He chopped vegetables efficiently, had a good mastery of pastry dough, and a good knack for measuring even though Dean’s measuring cup was very worn and hard to read. “Is there anything you can’t do?” Dean jokingly asked. “A few things,” Cas said, his voice and face completely serious. “Though nothing that would generally be a problem in daily life.” “Must have lived an interesting life to have that many skills.” Cas stared straight ahead for a long minute. “More than you can imagine,” he said. They were silent for a moment. “Were you born in Mount Seelie?” Dean asked. He realized that he knew very little about his guest, but he desperately wanted to know more. “No,” Cas said. “I was born in Scotland. But I was brought over a very long time ago and I’ve been here ever since.” “Your family bring you?” “Yes. But they’re all dead now.” “But…” Dean was trying to work it out. “How did you end up…?” Cas studied him for a moment. “How did I end up what?” “Homeless. Wasn’t there a house for you to inherit?” “The house is gone, and it wasn’t home without my family anyway. I couldn’t stay on the property, so now I don’t stay anywhere.” “Do you want to?” Maybe Dean had gotten it wrong. Maybe Cas was happy as a drifter; Dean had met enough men like that in his life to understand at least a little. Hell, Dean’s father had been a man like that. “I do miss having a place to go every night,” Cas said. “And I miss having a family. But right now, I’m just grateful I can stay in town and make myself useful.” “Well, you’re welcome to come here any time,” Dean said. “And stay as long as you need.” Cas looked at him, and Dean thought he might cry. “Thank you, Dean,” he said. “That means a lot to me.”

DCBB 2022 Posting Schedule

#dcbb 2022 #fic preview #2022 promo #deancas #destiel

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faithandfairies · 1 year

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Supernatural 14x13 Lebanon Musings; Dean’s Heart’s Desire

Okay, so I’ve been re-watching Supernatural and it’s kind of nice.

And it’s weird because when I first started watching it I was like 12 and I thought Sam and Dean were both these really cool dudes who were ladies men and were mostly having the time of their life.

And I have a totally different viewpoint now. I mean, I still think they’re badass.

But they’re not playboys kicking ass and taking names. They both had a traumatizing childhood and clearly wanted families and normal lives. To recreate for themselves what they had lost.

In Sam’s case what he’d never known because he was too young. Hell, Sam was well on his way to achieving that before Jessica died.

And for Dean what he has quite literally wanted ever since he lost it at 4 years old. Old enough to remember what a real, happy family was like. Like a phantom limb he could still feel. And trying to make that dream come true in the present since he couldn’t go back and undo the past he literally sought out a wife and child the moment he didn’t feel like he had to follow unwritten orders from his dad.

I love then that the show rounds out with Dean raising a child with his brother and a male angel who’s in love with him.

Love by the way that Dean’s dad specifically expresses that Castiel is a male angel. He could have just said angel but he didn’t.

Because Dean gets that family he’s always wanted but it looks different than I feel like even he thought it would look.

I don’t remember what my favorite episode was originally and I haven’t seen all the seasons completely yet. I think I stopped somewhere around season 11 and then saw episodes here and there.

But from my recent re-watch my favorite is season 14′s Lebanon.

I just love how that episode makes everything come full-circle specifically for Dean.

We really get a “Dean living his heart’s desire” feel from it.

From his parents reuniting and him not being able to take his eyes off them as they do so. To the family dinner. All of which he’s desperately wanted but was a wish he never in his wildest dreams thought could come true.

It also has two other things I really love about it. The subtle queer love story in the background between two girls.

And Dean telling his father and brother two very important things in my opinion.

The first is directed at his dad when his dad pulls him aside and asks him why he never settled down and had a family and he tells his dad he has a family. Someone pointed out that it’s interesting that John solely asked Dean and not Sam this question and that it’s possible John knows he’s queer and it’s a commentary on that. He tells his father he does have a family with Sam and Cas and Jack.

The second thing is when Dean tells his brother that he’s good with who he is. He knows who he is and he’s good with it and pretty much wouldn’t change a thing. I love this for Dean, because Dean has always struggled with self-love and self-acceptance and so this is a nice little moment that shows he’s come a long way in that.

And the queer love story that takes place between two girls is a lovely choice but I believe also imperative to Dean’s story if we consider the episode to really encompass Dean’s heart’s desire. Because the love story is hidden in plain sight. And directly relates to Dean given that it starts with half of the queer couple-to-be stealing Dean’s car to impress her girl crush.

It’s also, the way it’s done, it briefly becomes the main story when the girl steals Deans car and then continues on in the background through intimate looks and touches between the girls. All hidden in plain sight.

It just underlines that a love story doesn’t have to be in your face the way the love story between Dean’s parents is in order for it to be valid.

Also, I’ve recently seen the episode where Dean goes on a road trip with Jack and it’s just a nice parallel between Dean trying to help raise a kid he doesn’t understand and John trying to raise his boys.

You have Dean, who is terrified of snakes, yet still trying to be understanding of Jacks’ interest in keeping one as a pet. And trying to understand all of Jack’s quirks and being quietly supportive even when he doesn’t understand. It’s just such a healthy difference in parenting tactics, between John and Dean but also between Dean and his younger self.

I say this because a lot can be derived from who Sam and Dean are as people. There’s just a lot of toxic masculinity wrapped up in their behavior. Where they’re all about being manly men even when they’re not. And teasing each other if they don’t fit the stereotype. All of which leads to gay/acting like a girl jokes/digs and teasing each other for the things they like or are afraid of and doesn’t really inspire authenticity (being yourself and being okay with being yourself).

And I believe this all stems from how their father raised them but also from the balancing act of a too young Dean, a self-conscious tween and teen, trying to please his father and maintain the image of being the man he wanted him to be, embody a weapon shaped by his father to protect his brother and the rest of the world, an alpha male and an actual present father to Sam.

And don’t get me wrong. The boys love each other. They’d both die and kill for each other and have. They’re fantastic at the grand gestures. But not always great at the day to day. They very clearly don’t understand each other well and in the beginning especially Dean is loathe to talk about his feelings or listen to/talk about Sam’s. Something that even in his relationship with Cas becomes an issue. They (Sam and Dean) don’t do deep conversation well or don’t want to do it at all.

And so even if one of the boys was some type of queer, I don’t see it being in the forefront. Simply because of how they were clearly raised based on how they interact with each other. And this macho image Dean especially projected initially didn’t leave much room for anything else. Especially not for Dean possibly being queer. Having to be on high alert, tough and brave and often deadly all the time, would never have been able to exist alongside Dean being queer.

So while I think the creators of the show didn't queerbait, they in fact made it very obvious that Cas was into Dean and Dean was into Cas while they also clearly loved each other, it was easy for it to fly under the radar and for them to keep it there given the world of toxic masculinity the boys lived in.

Now, if they had been raised by their mother I think things might have been different. Maybe. Or hell, even if they were solely raised by Bobby.

This also makes me love that Dean’s story doesn’t end on earth. He really ends up embodying the “There’ll be peace when you are done” part of the song. Because on earth he somehow always finds his way back to hunting and unlike with Sam you don’t get the impression that Dean would marry hunting with having a family and true happiness on earth.

But also, the last time we physically see Cas he pretty much offers Dean happiness with him while also letting him know that they can’t have it on earth. What Dean does get is the promise of a happy ending with Cas, if he wants it. I say the promise of a happy ending because from previous story lines we also know that leaving the empty isn’t impossible. And these boys have repeatedly done the impossible.

And then Dean arrives in heaven and Bobby very meaningfully tells him that Jack (God) and Cas rebuilt heaven. The raise of Bobby’s eyebrows as he tells Dean this and Dean’s answering smile tells me that it isn’t a stretch to believe that Cas is in heaven and waiting for him. Bobby very helpfully also tells him that it’s a big new world out there and that this heaven is the heaven Dean deserves. It just makes me think of that song God Help the Outcasts and the line “Show them the mercy they don’t find on earth”. All of which tells me that if Cas is part of Dean’s heart’s desire he can have it. It is up to him.

#supernatural #spn #lebanon #spn lebanon #spn 14x13 #destiel #dean #cas #castiel #queer #lgbtq+#bisexual #gay #deancas

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wiseoldowl72 · 1 year

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I just posted chp 1 of my first multi-chapter story on ao3.

All that I’m after is a life full of laughter

As long as I’m laughing with you…

~ Life after You; Daughtry

21 Years ago

Dean and Cas Novak-Winchester were both quite aware that their twenty year wedding anniversary was coming up. Turning back the clock to 2001 would see their original wedding in a small church in California, where they both had gone for college. They had agreed to marry right after their undergraduate graduation on the 28th of June. They did a traditional service just like the “industry” sold them: tuxes, flowers, music, groom party, vows, and reception, but on a tight timeline and miniscule budget. They didn’t have a honeymoon as they were thrown right back into life with preparing for the next phase of their lives, more school and then pursuing jobs.

They each had chosen Stanford, neither knowing the other before the beginning of their freshman year. By chance the two were put together as roommates. Neither knew it was going to be the beginning of a friendship that would progress to being lovers over the course of their four year undergraduate life.

Dean Winchester was full of life, ready to take on the world, 18 years old from Overland Park, Kansas. Even though the city was on the western side of Kansas City, a large metropolitan area, he was looking desperately for a new chapter after high school out of the middle of fly-over country. Stanford offered him a full ride for academics and a place in their engineering department based on his application. He was completely surprised because of the low acceptance rate the highly selective institution had. Dean jumped at the chance to move west without a second thought.

He had been tinkering with everything he could get his hands on trying to learn how it worked or improved its function. He learned how to take cars apart and put them back together by the time he was in early high school. Mechanical Engineering was a role he had set for himself once he had mastered restoring cars at his Uncle and Father’s garage, Singer-Winchester Automotive. Dean had made a small name for himself of being able to solve just about any technical problem presented to him. He wanted to have a career in design and testing either in automotive or aerospace. He soaked in the sun, sea and opportunities the West Coast presented to a gay young man who had come from a Red State that looked unkindly on his sexual preferences.

Castiel Novak followed in the footsteps of his family into the medical profession. He hadn’t decided what he wanted to do, but an undergrad degree in biology or chemistry would be enough for now. Castiel moved from Naperville, Illinois, to the coast as well. He attended a top high school in the bedroom community of Chicago. It offered him many opportunities other high schools didn’t, resulting in his graduating in the top two percent of his class with a GPA well over 4.0 due to taking multiple Advanced Placement courses.

He had received several enticing offers due to his class standing. His father was a heart surgeon at Edward Hospital and while he didn’t see his father much, the family enjoyed the fruits of his work. Castiel had his choice of schools and didn’t have to worry about paying for it. What he did know is that he didn’t want to be a surgeon like his father. He wanted more out of life than working all the time. Stanford won out because it was on the coast, had a medical school, and was consistently ranked at the top of national universities.

When both fresh-faced teenagers moved into the dorm of the historic school for their first quarter as Stanford freshman. Stanford worked on a quarter system rather than the semester system most universities and school districts used. The school used three main quarters, Autumn, Winter, and Spring. Summer was optional, but it could be used to get a foot up on the next year, finish the previous year’s requirements, or be involved in a special session or internship. Unlike more traditional schools that started in August for their undergraduate programs, Stanford started their Autumn quarter in September and it finished December.

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They quickly found that they had very opposite personalities. Castiel knew he was in for a big change from his room in Naperville when he walked into the dorm room to find one side already filled with another’s belongings and a man laying on the bed with headphones. This was his first impression of his roommate for the next year. Cas came from a family and area that was welcoming of queer people. His choices were never met with hostility or homophobia. When he saw Dean laying on his bed, his first thought was that he was very lucky to be given such a handsome roommate. It was quickly followed by wondering if his attractions were similar to Cas’ own, very high on the Kinsey scale.

Dean was out-going, always busy, loved cars (especially muscle and race cars), military aircraft, and was not a neat freak. He didn’t bring very much with him to move in. Just the basics: clothes, a couple Vonnegut books, a record player and vinyl spanning the late 60s to the 90s, cassette tapes with a Walkman, and only a couple of photos.

His only prize possession was his parent’s 1967 Chevy Impala, named Baby, that his Dad had given him the keys to upon high school graduation. It was the one thing that Dean kept immaculate and constantly in top shape. Since Dean loved to drive and didn’t want to fly (why be trapped in a tin can, when people weren’t supposed to fly anyway?), he thoroughly enjoyed the trip from Kansas City to Palo Alto. The first thing he did after putting his things away was clean and wash Baby to get the dirt off her.

Castiel started bringing his things into the room in boxes labeled to make unpacking easier. “Bedding”, “clothes”, “books”, “desk supplies”, and “family” were among the Sharpie-written names Dean could make out before he closed his eyes to go back to his music. Castiel wasn’t always completely orderly and neat, but he wanted to know where everything was at any given time.

Castiel quickly found that Dean liked to talk, he narrated to himself even when he didn’t have anything to say to anyone. He, himself, was taciturn, more formal in his speech and attire, kept to himself, and wasn’t into music or movies, preferring to read the classics. He spoke and read fluently in French and Spanish, and enjoyed books in those languages. He appreciated Greek and Roman works, which he read in English translations. He also made his bed every morning.

Dean was lucky to make his laundry hamper or make his bed. The only thing that stayed organized was his music, books, and he remembered to hang his towel up to dry every night.The only thing he meticulously kept clean was his Impala. That was drilled into him from his Dad with military diligence. John had been a Marine and never lost his training or mindset. He was also Dean’s reason for interest in military mechanics.

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As the year wore on Dean and Castiel, or Cas, as Dean had started calling him, found that they both were savagely protective about their study time and supported each other in getting the best grades on their work. They ate in the dining hall, walked to the library and classes together as often as possible. They were two Midwestern kids, who didn’t really fit in with the usual college kids at an upper class institution.

By the end of their freshman year, Dean had declared a major in mechanical engineering with the Bachelor of Science. Cas decided on a double major in biology and chemistry. Dean knew he wanted to go all the way and work with the Design school. By the time he was interested in graduate school the Mechanical Engineering degree would be integrating with the Design school. Which fit Dean perfectly because he wanted to create and see the fruition of his work. Just like in the old days when he was working on cars, he could see the product of his work by the end of the project.

Back in their room, while down time was minimal, Dean usually listened to his music, rock usually on vinyl or cassette, and watched movies on his laptop. Cas preferred his mp3 player with the soft tones of Mozart and Bach while he read either in his reading nook or on his bed.

Even though their personalities were radically different, they found they really liked each other. What started as a friendship based on mutual desire to be the best at their studies and enjoy what college offered, turned into mutual desire for each other by the end of the year.

It began by walking closer to each other on the sidewalks and paths, then their hands started brushing without knowing it, and they held eye contact for longer than necessary when talking. Dean was able to pull out more of Cas’ dry wit and the two found themselves quite compatible. Soon, they were staring at each other hoping the other wouldn’t notice the sense of longing.

The next development came when Cas agreed to watch movies with Dean after the New Year. They picked a bed and alternated movies. Dean chose Star Wars, Harry Potter, Indiana Jones, Lord of the Rings, sci-fi and adventure movies. Cas was drawn to the Golden Era of Hollywood, movies with Gary Cooper, Cary Grant, Humphrey Bogart, etc. He also found he liked Film Noir. While they were watching their hands found each other, to hold or slip around the other’s shoulders or waist, and many times they’d wake up in the morning finding that they’d end up cuddling overnight.

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Sitting for hours in the library, class or desk didn’t do much for maintaining the fit shape Dean and Cas were both in. Dean had spent hours at the garage physically working with engines, body work, or anything else car-related back at his relative’s shop back home. Cas had chosen to run to clear his mind after studies at home. They both had their life turned upside down by school, so a new routine was created around full classes schedules, assignments and studying.

When they weren’t otherwise occupied the two Midwestern boys tried to get to the beaches, boardwalks, hiking and biking paths. Both visited used bike shops to get cheaper mountain bikes in good condition to ride to help burn off excess energy and keep in shape. While it wasn’t their old routine, it was better in some ways because of the variety and views.

They had found several favorite rides and hikes by the end of the year. Land-locked Dean found he enjoyed being in the ocean, even though he didn’t know how to swim. Cas always stayed near because he had been a stand-out athlete on his high school swim team. Through the college gossip network the duo had found several different places around Palo Alto that were within 20-30 min driving time. Since Dean loved to drive, he never minded a chance to get Baby off campus and open her up on the highway.

The time in the sun, sea, and other joint activities gradually changed both young men. Dean’s hair, which was more light brown than blond when the school year started, turned more honey colored from the sun that brought out the gold flecks in his green eyes. Cas’ hair remained dark brown, almost black, and unmanageable. It also curled more on the ends from the humidity. Dean didn’t care if it stood out like Einstein’s as long as the sun, time away from campus, and laughter brought out the mirth in his velvet blue sapphire eyes. The long hours of studying turned them to a pale, cornflower color, a color Dean found reminiscent of the flowers on his mother’s cookware.

It was spending so much time together, mostly because they were the only Midwest kids either of them took to, that changed their affections for each other. Dean couldn’t believe somebody else knew where Kansas was and there weren’t cows roaming the streets of his hometown. When the relationship moved to a more romantic one at the end of their Spring Quarter in June, it was Dean who hesitated. He didn’t know Cas was out of the closet and had been for years. It just had never been discussed. Dean’s years back home taught him to be reserved and careful about letting anybody see his true preference to be with a man. Homophobia had not been expressly discussed, but Dean knew his Dad well enough to know that he didn’t approve. Cas though had no such apprehensions.

They headed out to the beach before heading home for a quick visit before the start of the summer quarter in twelve days. As they were putting their beach things back into the Impala, Cas lifted his hands up to gently hold Dean’s jaw and kissed him solidly, but gently on the lips. Dean reciprocated with a steady, soft kiss of his own that slowly deepened until they were in a locked embrace. The energy and buzzing in his heart and gut told Dean that there definitely was potential there that he wanted to explore. But only if he could do it in the open. No more trying to hide his true self.

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Cas flew home to Illinois, while Dean drove Baby back to Kansas for the short visit. The long drive gave him plenty of time to think about the kiss and sort out his feelings. He would drive anywhere if it meant he didn’t have to fly. Even airports made him nervous to an extent, mostly because he’d never been in one more than half-a-dozen times that he could remember before agreeing to be Cas’ ride to the airport.

With the Impala opened up on the highway and roaring east, Dean contemplated his current situation. Baby was the car his father bought when his mother was pregnant with him. It was the car he learned to restore and keep running at top condition. Honestly, it was the reason he became interested in getting an engineering degree. While he thought the car was perfection, the pinnacle of motor development when it came off the line April 21, 1967. He pondered the major changes in car design in the last 50 years and thought how much he wanted to be involved in that world. Even without air conditioning, 2 speed automatic, cassette player, and legos in the radiator Dean couldn’t bring himself to make any changes to his Baby. It was perfect just as it was.

Cas had told him before he went through airport security that he was interested in pursuing a relationship with Dean. He had actually been attracted to him all year, but wasn’t sure how Dean felt about him. Cas asked him to think about their talks and how he felt about being together when they returned to school. Dean thought about the kiss, how slowly all year they gradually became closer, holding each other, and falling asleep together. It all culminated in that kiss. The energy, desire, longing, affection infused in it, honestly told Dean what he needed to know about how Cas felt about him. It was clear how he responded and wanted for them once they returned to school. Now it was dealing with the time at home and not losing his courage.

Dean spent the majority of his drive and the several days at home feeling like he was missing part of himself. He caught up with his family and spent time at the family garage. He told them all about his classes, the campus, what he did for fun around the city, but only told them surface level details about Cas.

Even though his family knew he wasn’t really into girls, they hoped he would find someone someday. If anything they thought he wasn’t really interested in anyone. Though they weren’t homophobic, the idea that Dean was homosexual was something they didn’t want to consider of talk about until confronted with it. John’s manly views were well known in the family. Real men were patriotic, liked cars, football, and enjoyed the ladies. Mary was more open than her husband. She understood that love is love and comes in many forms. As always, she was the mediator between her husband and the boys.

Dean’s devotion to Cas didn’t waver though on this break and they texted every night. He really didn’t have to think about how he felt about the blue-eyed beauty. He wanted to be his boyfriend and see if he could finally have a relationship with someone he felt deeping, emotionally drawn to. One text really stood out to him and he kept it safely archived in his messages. Cas had been telling him how he missed him as well and had him listen to a song by Rachel Platten called ‘Stand by You.’ Dean was extremely lonely while they were parted, missing his best friend and new possible boyfriend. Cas had written back the lines,

“Love, you’re not alone

‘Cause I’m going to stand by you”

Those couple of lines solidified Dean’s desire to do his best to have a romantic relationship with Cas when they returned for Summer quarter.

Cas had been quite open with his feelings in the time after finals until it was time to fly home. He knew how he felt about Dean. How he’d felt about Dean all year. He felt his attachment grow between completing all the Frosh requirements, knowing he was going to go for two majors and planning his next 3 years. He still wasn’t sure how long it was going to take him, but he hoped to graduate with Dean in the spring of 2001. He just knew he wanted Dean with him as his support and alternately to support him through his desire to pursue a Bachelor of Science in Engineering.

All year he slowly tried to feel out Dean’s sexual preferences by brushing up against him, letting their hands touch and he couldn’t stop taking in the green eyes of the knockout he hoped would date him. In June, knowing finals were coming he looked back at their year and took in all the positive responses he’d gotten from Dean when it came to affection. Cas never regretted taking that chance to kiss him at the beach just before they left for break. It led to honest discussions about their mutual attraction.

Cas finally understood why Dean hadn’t been forthcoming about his preferences. He explained it was because of the only “just tolerated” acceptance of gays in his part of the Midwest. Dean didn’t have the best self-esteem due to that and his family’s unenthusiastic support of him. Dean also told him about his father’s more traditional views and his mother’s mediation. Cas made a point to tell him how different his life had been and that other parts of the country, including California were quite different. He hoped when Dean picked him up from the airport before summer quarter their reunion would be unequivocally positive and a step forward for them. Cas missed Dean more than he’d missed anyone before in those few days between quarters. The texts they shared felt like the only tether he had during that time.

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When Dean picked Cas up from the airport right before the start of summer term he greeted him with a swinging hug and hungry open-mouthed kiss in which he swept his tongue over Cas’ soft lips and gently inside his mouth to show his boyfriend-to-be that he had made his decision. Cas acknowledged Dean’s response with eagerly accepting his kiss and hug with as much excitement as he could. It was more than he ever expected out of Dean, knowing how the entire year he had been shy about showing affection in public, much less as a gay couple. That was the beginning of what became a very profound bond between the two men.

For the next four years as they steadily worked through their requirements for their degrees they stayed steady by each other through everything during University. They were able to move into an apartment-style residence in one of the school neighborhoods. That allowed them more privacy, while still staying close to classes and their departments. Testing and assignments were rigorous, but each quarter they got the grades they needed, their mentors were pleased with their progress. Cas did eventually apply for a double major, a BS in Biology and Chemistry. Their professors helped them get ready for Graduate School in Dean’s case, and Stanford’s University of Medicine for Cas. Dean was on a long-term path for a Ph.D in Mechanical Engineering with emphasis in Design and hope of a career in automotive or aerospace design. Cas still planned on being a doctor. He didn’t have to decide on a specialty yet. He had until his third year when he started looking for residency programs.

In the Autumn of their undergraduate Senior year, both men were thinking of marriage. From everything they experienced together, fights over laundry, fights over study time, and lack of private time their relationship continued to blossom and mature. Dates on the beach, candlelight dinners in the apartment on the sofa, and sticky notes found inside class notebooks were little things that kept them going. The lines of Rachel Patton’s song, ‘Stand by You’ continued to be their mantra for the last three years of schooling. They had their eyes on matriculation in June of 2001, but they also knew they wanted to spend their lives together. Cas and Dean had discussed the pitfalls of being a couple trying to complete the goals they each had, they never once questioned the loyalty and commitment of the other. Those two lines of lyrics Dean had archived in his home from his first summer visit home always reminded him of his promise to Cas. Each had probably played the whole song on repeat a thousand times to remind them they were not alone in this endeavor and get them through the tough times when they felt lonely.

And hey, if you wings are broken

Please take mine ‘til yours can open too

‘Cause I’m gonna stand by you…

We can find a way to break through

Even if we can’t find heaven

I’ll walk through hell with you…

And the lyric that choked Dean up the first time Cas texted it to him and set him on this course…

Love, you’re not alone

‘Cause I’m gonna stand by you

It was their anthem. There was no denying they metaphorically wrapped their wings around each other. They developed an intimate home in their apartment from Stanford housing and shared one room, while turning the second bedroom into an office. The school still considered them roommates, but they had created their own bubble. Their physical relationship included as much gentle touching and reminders that they weren’t alone as they felt they were at times. Dean was not as intimate as Cas would have liked, but Cas had more experience. Making out, sleeping together in one bed, showing love by gentle caresses carried him over as they slogged through their classes. Dean became bolder as the years moved on, but he never took that final step of climaxing together. Cas was willing to wait for his love.

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It was Dean who surprised Cas at the end of the Autumn Quarter in December with an unassuming proposal beneath the stars at their favorite beach. They had taken a picnic dinner and beach towels with the idea of just laying and watching the stars in the peace and quiet after the hell week of finals. They both were headed into their last quarter of their undergrad year and stress was at an all time high.

Under the stars, while sharing a piece of apple pie and a beer, Dean secretly pulled out a simple silver titanium band with a blue lapis insert all the way around. Ideal for the doctor-to-be. Dean wasn’t very good at expressing his feelings, but the years with Cas had taught him that honesty and words from the heart meant more to him than anything a wordsmith could create. With a trembling heart, Dean asked Cas in the most sincere way he could to be his husband. To stand with him and by him through all the years and seasons to come. Cas started crying immediately when he figured out what was going on and said yes. He accepted the ring with a shaking hand and very overflowing heart.

Dean shyly told him he’d already bought his own ring in the hopes Cas would say yes. It was nearly a match to Cas’, but instead of the Blue Lapis insert in the center of the band, his was black Tantalum insert that had been textured inside the Titanium. Both rings were extremely durable and meant for men that worked with their hands. Dean’s Tantalum was corrosion resistant, which was a huge plus given his work with chemicals, engines, simulations, and other activities that were required by his profession.

Cas slowly took Dean’s ring and put it on his hand and they celebrated their engagement by enjoying a private beach that allowed them to take the time to cherish, caress, and enjoy each other’s bodies until they both came to completion for the first time in only the way a soulmate pair could. In the early morning hours they cleaned up, dressed, and went back to their apartment relishing the fact they were now fiancés.

Both of the men had decided to stay in Palo Alto on Campus for the holiday break. Too much work to do for school and prep for moving on to post-grad choices had made the decision easy for them back in November. Now with their new relationship status they spend part of the time enjoying each other intimately without the rush of school, and the rest talking about how to coordinate life after their graduation. Cas planned to go directly into Stanford’s medical school and Dean had already taken the appropriate prerequisites to continue on with his mentors.

Christmas was a quiet affair since there wasn’t isn’t a big reason to celebrate. Their engagement was enough of a surprise to both of them and kept their spirits light until the next academic quarter started. They caught each other looking at their hands as if they couldn’t believe they were actually engaged. Three years of being together, two and a half as an official couple and something each of them had wished for had happened. Dean didn’t even intend on proposing that night. He just felt right about it and apparently it was.

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At New Year’s while they were kissing and holding each other on the beach watching the fireworks light the sky with their multitude of colors, out of the blue Cas asked if they could have the marriage after graduation that summer. It seemed logical to him to cap off two important parts of his life with memorializations. June 12th was the graduation date and only the important family would be coming in for it. Cas’ parents and his brother Gabe. The other brothers and sisters were otherwise occupied with their lives. Dean’s parents, brother Sam, and his Uncle Bobby and his wife Ellen had already responded they would be coming. Cas figured if the family was already coming in, then maybe they could stay a couple weeks more for a wedding. Nothing big, but special enough for the two of them. Dean easily agreed knowing that they had six months to plan it.

The last quarter flew by in what seemed like a month between papers, end of year projects, tests, finals, Cas’ first MCAT test, and formal applications to their chosen post grad schools. They made sure they had their educational needs settled according to an ever growing list kept in the kitchen. All the things they needed to do and dates to make sure applications were turned in by the appropriate date, scholarships applied for, student housing applied for, academic mentor meetings, finals week dates, and final senior project dates. Late in the quarter both received the letters they’d been waiting for that they’d been accepted into their prospective schools. Cas got his place in Stanford’s Medical School and Dean into the Graduate program in Engineering. They applied for spousal housing and were accepted. Living in on campus housing made getting to all the places they needed easier and much less expensive.

While Cas had money he could have used, Dean didn’t. They tried to keep the differences between their social strata as unrecognizable as possible. Dean had worked on campus to earn spending money and pay extra expenses, while Cas holed up working on his double major with his allowance. It was true that Stanford was known as having one of the most wealthy student populations, but that wasn’t the case for everyone. Dean bought everything he needed, like their rings, without any help from his family. In fact neither of them had told their family about how far advanced their relationship was or that they had gotten engaged. Both families knew they were living together and were best friends. Cas’ family knew more than Dean’s because of how accepting they were of his homosexuality. The Novak’s knew that Cas was extremely smitten with Dean and they suspected more than what they were told due to how he talked, smiled, and acted. When Cas would talk about his time with Dean and their adventures they knew enough not to ask for more than Cas was willing to tell.

The Winchester’s were more in the dark because Dean played his feelings close to his chest. The only one to know a bit more was his younger brother, Sam. Sam was graduating from high school this year and planned to start at Stanford in the fall on a full ride with the intention of going into Law. He knew his brother well enough to know his tells. He never had any of the hang-ups the older generation did and accepted Dean for who he was. Love is love, and whatever made Dean happy was his opinion and nobody could tell or persuade him any different.

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Sam wasn’t at all surprised when, in March, Dean and Cas called together to talk to the family and ask them to stay two weeks longer after graduation. The couple took the plunge with Dean’s family first telling them about the engagement and a small ceremony on the 28th of June for family only. The phone call was mildly tense, mostly because of the new information and being kept in the dark for so long. They also realized they were dealing with their oldest boy, who had always been taciturn when it came to talking about emotions. By the next week though, all three of Dean’s immediate family, his uncle, who was his Dad’s partner in the automotive garage, his wife, and daughter all agreed to stay through the end of June. Sam took it all in stride and was happy to have some extra time to look at the campus and prepare for his own move later in the summer.

The phone call with Cas’ family went a bit more celebratory. Even though they were meeting Dean through a computer screen, none was surprised at the request to stay longer and be a part of the wedding. Michael, Hannah, and Gabe were home at the time of the call and the fiancés heard them talking about who won the bet that it was with Dean that Cas was in a relationship with. When Cas’ parents offered them money for the ceremony, they turned it down saying they had everything handled. What they did do was allow them to buy a meal at a nice, but not too nice, restaurant for both families.

The list for the wedding slowly got crossed off too. They found their location early in the year, one of the rooms at Unitarian Universalist Church of Palo Alto that would hold only a dozen or so people. They rented their tuxes, bought boutonnières from the florist to be picked up before the ceremony, asked Gabe and Sam to be their best men, secured an officiant for the ceremony, decided on the order of service, and started a playlist for the wedding and wedding dances. They also chose to use traditional vows because they knew they wouldn’t be able to come up with their own with all the other stress on them. As for a bachelor party, neither was really interested, but they did plan on a rehearsal dinner and reception. After much discussion they let Cas’ parents pay for it. The Novaks also took care of gifting the church a donation in lieu of the usual wedding rental fee. The couple was okay with that because Unity did good works throughout the community and was interfaith. They knew the money would be used wisely.

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The day of graduation seemed like just one of many. As each dressed the other in their suits the fiancés took a bit of extra time to kiss and explore each other’s bodies. The school work was finally completed and they would graduate today. Then it was time to turn their attention to the highly anticipated wedding. Same-sex marriage had just been passed and they were taking advantage of California’s new lar. Once the afterglow had passed, they straightened their suits, took their robes and drove to the event location. Putting on their robes, it struck the men that they had made it over one hurdle together despite so many obstacles. They would meet their families after the event was over for a quiet individual get-together.

The time between graduation and the wedding flew by. The night of the rehearsal was the first time the families really had time to talk to each other. The Novak’s were very relaxed and knew that eventually this day would come. Their son would find the love of his life and marry him. They were jovial all evening and Gabrial was the proud older brother, very happy to be standing up with Cas. Becky and Chuck, Cas’ parents, were chatterboxes at the table over their excitement for the next day.

The Winchester family was more reserved, they had resolved that their son was not heterosexual or even asexual, but gay and had found the man he wanted to spend his life with. While they didn’t show it as much on the outside, they loved Dean very much and wanted him to be happy. If that was with Cas, then so be it. They would accept the marriage with graciousness and make a point to get to know Dean’s love and the Novaks. Sam was just like Gabrial, proud as he could be to be showing his support for his older brother by standing with him.

The official, a minister from the Unitarian Universalist Church, called the evening to order and the rehearsal went smoothing and quickly. The family was seated, Dean and Cas walked down the aisle together, the order of service was recited. Dean and Cas used the same rings that were their engagement rings. The minister said she would pronounce them married, the traditional kiss and recession. There wouldn’t be a reception, just the families going out for a joint dinner and then meeting at a bar for socializing so Dean and Cas could leave when they wanted. After the rehearsal, they all retired to Vaso Azzuro, a top Italian restaurant in Palo Alto, for dinner. It had a romantic vibe and since it was a beautiful night they chose to eat outside. Soon enough it was time to end the night with the expectation of a busy wedding day.

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Cas and Dean’s wedding day was a clear, sunny day with wispy clouds. The kind of day that is dreamed about. Not too hot, nor too much humidity. It seemed like a dream. While there were the expected nerves, both men got ready at home and helped each other into their tuxes, with sensual touches, kisses and promises of the night to come. They met their family at the Universalist Church at ten in the morning for an eleven am wedding. The boutonnières were put on the men by their mothers, the best men, fathers and uncle Bobby by Dean and Cas. The men also gave hand corsages to their mothers, aunt Ellen and cousin Jo.

They received words of encouragement from their family and tears from everyone. Anyone who tried to deny the validity of the love in the room was gone as soon as they saw the love shine from both men’s eyes at each other. The minister said it was time for the family to take their place. Cas’ family on one side and Dean’s on the other. There were only a dozen people in the room total, but at the end of the day, the men would still be as married as those that spent tens of thousands of dollars on their wedding day.

The men walked into a portion of ‘Open Arms’ by Journey, then the minister began the traditional Universalist marriage ceremony. After the commitment and blessings were finished, the readings were said, one by Gabe and the other by Jo. The vows were then recited, rings exchanged to the left ring finger, and the unity ceremony completed. Dean and Cas signed the marriage register, received a blessing from the minister and she pronounced their marriage by her vested power by the Church and the State of California. She asked them to seal their vows with a kiss and both men brought their hands up to gently cradle each other’s jaws to put everything they felt on this day into the soft, loving sensuous kiss. Dean reached around to put one hand on the back of Cas’ neck to feel the curls at the top of his shirt collar and pull him in closer, making the kiss deeper.

Closing words were said and she pronounced Dean and Cas for the first time as Mr. and Mr. Dean and Castiel Novak-Winchester at 11:20am. It was a simple, but traditional ceremony. There really wasn’t a recession, but they enjoyed listening to their chosen recessional song, ‘At Last’ by Etta James. Since there were only a dozen in the room, when the newly married couple greeted their family they took the opportunity to dance to this vintage love song. There wasn’t an inch between them as they kissed, held each other, and enjoyed finally being each other’s forever.

Once the marriage license was signed and witnessed it was time to retire to each family’s place in the city before gathering for a late lunch to celebrate the wedding. This time everyone had changed into more comfortable, but still business casual, clothing for a late lunch at and socializing at Off the Rail Brewing. They had booked a private room so the families could really finally spend time together, eat and drink in a more relaxed atmosphere, but also let Dean and Cas leave when they felt ready.

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After a couple of beers, thoroughly fulfilling dinner, and a couple of hours of conversation and laughter with their families The newly married men retired back to their home for their own celebration. They had spent much of their money on the “stuff” that went along with the verbal ceremony. It hadn’t left much for their evening at their apartment. But they had candles in their bedroom, clean sheets, an inviting bed, and most of all each other.

Slowly, they undressed and hung the rented tuxes. Each took in the other’s bodies as they stood looking at each other like they were newborns. After sensual touches, open mouth kisses and nibbles on the mouth, neck, shoulders, and collarbones, it was determined that instead of physical sex what they most craved is to lay spooned up, soaking in each other’s love. They got under the comforter, enjoyed the flickering candles with the curtains drawn to keep out the afternoon sun. Cas was the big spoon and pulled Dean close to him, draped a leg between Dean’s knees, kissed the nape of his neck, and they held each other’s arms on his waist. It wasn’t long until they both promptly fell asleep feeling complete in a way they hadn’t before.

When they awoke a couple of hours later Dean felt rutting against his cheeks. Their lust hadn’t been put out, just dampened by the activity of the day. The candles were still burning and Dean turned over to kiss Cas, pulled him closer by a hand at the small of his back. The buzzing in Dean’s but meant one thing, he needed Cas. He needed to feel his body, to feel them together. Precome was already gathering at the slits of both their hard members. Dean was ready to take one step further, he took the precome and slid it around both of their shafts and took them together in one hand. Cas gently added his hand to Dean’s and they started to pleasure each other, together this time. They kissed every part they could reach of the other as they built to a mutual climax and spilled over both of their hands with moans of pleasure.

They took a shower together to clean up. They enjoyed taking time to soap each inch of the other up and rinsing the sandalwood smelling body wash off. Dean started washing Cas’ hair with his clean smelling shampoo. Cas’ reciprocated and slow kisses and compassionate touches were exchanged until the water turned cool. They weren’t ready for a round two, but craved each other’s company. After drying off they decided to eat leftovers for supper and spend the rest of the night curled up with nothing they had to do for hours.

Cas murmured to Dean, “I can’t believe this day finally came. I am so exhausted, but I am so in love with you that even I can’t find the words.” Something Dean would tease him with in the years to come. The wordsmith couldn’t find the words to describe his own feelings on his wedding day.

Dean laughed softly in response, “Welcome to my world sunshine. I love you with everything I have.”

It was the first time since they decided to marry on New Year’s that they had completely free time for an evening. Soon enough the real world would come barreling back in like a Nebraska thunderstorm. But for one night, they relished being married and alone.

#writing #destiel #ao3 #au story #my writing #fic writing

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wisefoxluminary · 8 months

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Supernatural fanfics I plan to write

Supernatural reboot/revival - It is set post-The Winchesters and Dean carries out heavenly orders in order to protect the unstable multiverse. There is a new big bad out there as The Shadow plans to consume everything in existence - heaven, hell and the universe itself and drag it all to The Empty. The entity is becoming impatient with the many souls that awake from their dormant struggle and it wants to make them suffer. It is unhappy with how imbalanced the universe has become and wants to drag everything that predates creation itself into the abyss until there is nothingness. The Empty is growing restless and it needs a vessel to spread its malice and destruction - Dean. Dean is trying to pursue leads on the primordial entity when he is taken by The Empty's followers. They see his spirit as a vessel The Shadow can channel and use to bring further destruction onto the multiverse. Before Dean is taken, he sends out a desperate prayer for anyone to save him. Castiel hears his plea and finally steps away from his job in a restored heaven to save him.

Castiel travels back in time to 1973 to recruit John and Mary Winchester and the Monster Club to help rescue Dean from the Shadow's clutches. They were chosen to be the secret weapon against the apocalypse if Dean's holy mission were to go south. Cas and the Monster Club work together and inflitrate a monster black market to rescue Dean, where the followers of The Shadow plan to sacrifice his wandering soul to their entity. They manage to rescue Dean, but the mission goes off the rails. They are unable to stop The Shadow from possessing another of his lackies. Dean, Cas and the club escape in Carlos' van as they try to outrun The Shadow. After an intense chase across the city, they are rescued by Bobby and Jack, as they use the impala to charter them to safety.

The hunters are trying to escape back to their universes when the Impala is dragged into a unstable magically portal and cast away into a parallel universe.They find themselves in a world where Sam Winchester was raised by demons and he led half-demon, half-human hybrid hunters in a crusade against god and his angels. In this universe, Sam is still the regular Sam Dean knows but with some slight changes - Azazel had killed Sam's entire family when he was a baby and he was spared and rescued by Crowley. The crossroads demon would soon raise Sam to be just like him and he became a demon/human hybrid hellbent on waging war against heaven and hell. He uses that to become a hunter and to defend the weak, even though his adoptive father disapproves of his endeavours. Sam would marry Ruby and have a kid with her, a teenage son called Charlie. Dean, Cas and The Monster Club must form an alliance with this alternative Sam and his acolytes to stop The Shadow and the corrupt angels as they must work together to stop the multiverse from collapsing. Dean and Sam begin to work together as they go on regular hunts in the impala to rid his world of evil. The more hunts they go on, the more safe this universe will become. Dean must rekindle the brotherly bond he once had with Sam, one who had no idea his brother existed as they go around, doing what they do best - saving people hunting things, the family business.

Sam x Crowley fic - Crowley is a demon scorned, he has been forced to suffer an eternity in Lucifer's Cage for his petty crimes in trying to seal away the gates of hell. Forced to endure his burgeoning humanity, Crowley shares a cell with Sam Winchester as the two become mortal enemies. But what starts out as disdain soon grows into a long and fervid bond that makes Crowley question the walls he's built to keep him and its enemies at an arm's length. This is a story of survival and how love from unexpected places can break the most harrowing of duress.

Angel Mojo - Castiel has been a welcome guest to the boys' hunts for years. He never thought he would love humanity and dedicate his life to protecting it. Emotion was something Cas always longed for and in a world where monsters lurked in the darkness, there was never peace to be found. Angels weren't meant to share the feelings humans do. They are omniscient beings whose greatest goal is to watch over the mortal plain. There was no purpose outside of that.

But he soon found that with Dean Winchester, who made him feel like he belonged. But Castiel feels like he is pulling away from Dean rather than standing with him in a struggle between good and evil. His feelings of alienation begin to melt when he discovers the meaning of patriarchy and how horses play a part in men finding success in life. For the first time, he feels respected, like he has a grand purpose beyond the dangerous lifestyle of hunting. He figures out a way to unite his heavenly garrison by using peaceful methods instead of war and they bow down to his side. Castiel takes over the men of letters' bunker and deems it as his "mojo dojo casa house". Dean and Sam discover that the angels have taken over the bunker as Castiel has developed a more debauche, governing personality. The angels take control of the world and make their own patriarchal system out of it, but it causes problems as heaven is no longer protected and demons are awakening from their slumber and endangering the world.

Dean and Sam must gather a ragtag group of allies to their side as they try to overthrow Cas and the angels while trying to save the world from impending doom.

Destiel spy AU - As the title suggested, it is a espionage AU inspired by Mission Impossible Death Reckoning part 1. Castiel Novak is a thief in possession of a key to the most dangerous artificial intelligence software in the world while Dean is the rogue IMF agent hunting him down.

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #destiel #moosely #dean x castiel #sam x crowley #spn fanfic #fanfic poll #i can't decide which one to work on

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roadtogracelandx45 · 8 months

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Runaway Bride|3| D. Winchester

@ohnoitsthebat

"I always have a choice." Ellie snapped before she could help herself, "Women have had rights for a long time."

"Sweetheart in this family, you don't. Your uncle and those, those boys."

His eyes narrowed at the girl, he had a chance to look into her before he came down for dinner. She was a good girl, but she spent a lot of time with Jo Harvelle, her cousin, The Winchesters brothers, and one brother's best friend. She had history.

"Have given you too much freedom."

"So going to school and earning my own money is too much freedom?" Ellie asked her twitching fingers to open up the clutch that she had carried with her, she wanted to text Jo and Dean and let them know what was going on.

They both would flip, and Dean would probably board the next flight out of Sioux Falls, even though he hated flying to get her.

"Yes. Here we don't like our women to be so independent."

"Who says I am staying to become one of you?"

There was acid dripping on the last two words. Staying here was going to be the last thing she wanted to do. Especially if she was going to be forced into staying.

"Says your mother and myself. See we made a deal with Mr. Gambino. And she is going to get the money that she is owed from your father's death and you will be marrying our son."

Feeling sick to her stomach, she turned to her mother, desperately wishing she wasn't here and it wasn't true. She didn't want to believe this was true.

But the look on Angela's face answered her unasked question

. "I should have listened to Aunt Ellen and Jo, they said that you would do something like this to me. You have only cared about yourself." Ellie said before she stormed off into the bathroom angrily muttering curse words to herself as she did. *** Jo looked at her phone that was ringing and grinned at the name that was flashing.

"Hey, Dean! Ellie is calling." She called before she pressed the answer button.

"Hey cuz." she greeted. "You were fucking right. She brought me out here to have me fucking marry into the hierarchy." "Are you serious?" Cas questioned. "Yes. Angela is going to get the money the family has owed her since my dad's death if I marry this guy."

"You can't be forced into that," Sam commented, his brain already working overtime trying to figure out a way to get Ellie out of this. Legal or not.

Things wouldn't be the same, Dean wouldn't be the same. Ellie was the glue that held them together. And without her things would fall apart.

"What's going on?" Dean asked, coming into the room, annoyed that Jo pulled him away from the horror movie marathon that he was watching. "Hi, Dean."

There was a sudden shift in her voice, she sounded angry before but there was a sense of calm about her. She knew that Dean would solve this, he always did.

"Angela is making her marry a guy she has never met to get the money that was owed to her or is hers."

"Ellie, I will be there soon." Dean said, "Go to your hotel and stay there'." "Okay, I am gonna check into a new room."

There was a loud banging noise coming from Ellie's end of the phone call followed by her shouting at a man to get out.

"ELLIE!" They all shouted as the line disconnected., Sam and Cas both pushed themselves away from the walls they had been leaning against and Dean went more toward Jo and the phone.

"Call her again!" Dean demanded before turning to face his brother who was already on his computer looking at the next flight to New York., while Jo called her cousin's phone repeatedly trying to get ahold of her.

"Come on Ellie, answer the goddamn phone.' She muttered terror seizing her. *** "You called them?" Thomas shouted, gripping her forearms in his hands. "Yes." She returned angrily, "They are family and you aren't." The man raised his hand and brought it down hard against her cheek, in a slap that she deserved, Angela had made the mistake of letting her go to South Dakota and living with her dead husband's family. Ellie clutched her cheek in shock, in her entire life she was never struck by a man. Sure Bobby, Dean, and Sam all had tempers about them but they never hit her, Aunt Ellen or Jo. She had only ever been slapped by her mother and the last time Dean took it upon himself to teach her how to defend herself, something she needed to learn just in case he and Sam were nowhere around to help her.

"Dean, I wish I would have waited for you to come home before I came out here. You couldn't have talked me out of this stupid fucking idea of being a happy family with my mother."

She was shaken out of her thoughts when he shoved her against the bathroom counter, trapping her between his body and the counter. His hand closed around her neck.

"Now you listen here, Eleanor. You are going to do exactly what your mother and I tell you or I am going to send people to bring your family here and kill them in front of you and then kill you. Do you understand?"

Unable to speak, Ellie nodded her head, she didn't care what they did to her, she had to keep her family safe. Agreeing to this was something stupid like what Dean and Sam would do to keep her, Cas, and Jo out of trouble. But no it was her turn to do something and if it meant having to live without Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Sam, Cas, and Dean who would do it.

No matter how much it hurt.

#ash writes #oc: ellie scott #oc: ellie winchester #supernautral imagines #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester fan fiction #dean winchester imagines #supernatural au

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aoitrinity · 3 years

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Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it.

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in.

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length.

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages.

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money.

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments.

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve.

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project

#supernatural season 15 #spn finale #speculation #destiel #destielgate #the ending was not the ending #fuck the cw #trust the story #we were robbed

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norahastuff · 3 years

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penny for your thoughts on salmondean codependency ?

Sure. Fair warning it’s long (was longer but I stopped myself.)

I think it’s complicated in a show that’s had so many different showrunners because they’ve all handled Sam and Dean’s relationship very differently. In Kripke’s era (s1-5) there was a romanticization of the bond. Sure there was a lot of in-depth exploration of how they wound up at the place they were at, spoiler alert: it was all because of John and his obsessive crusade to find the demon that killed his wife. That’s all he cared about and as a result, Sam and Dean had to be everything to each other. But Kripke had no intention of dismantling that at any point because he was (and always had been) writing a tragedy. Gamble continued that too. There was no room for anyone else in their lives and it would always just be the two of them against the world. So Cas had to go. Bobby had to go.

(Actually, it's funny because Gamble didn't intend this at the time, her plan was to kill Cas off, but by Edlund creating the masterpiece that is The Man Who Would Be King, he not only saved Cas from being seen as a villain, but he also deepened Dean and Cas' relationship in such a profound way and inextricably linked the two of them emotionally. And since Cas was eventually brought back, that laid the foundation for a lot of what their relationship would become.)

Up until this point, there hadn’t really been any significant dismantling of perhaps the more unhealthy parts of Sam and Dean’s relationship. Enter Carver. He stripped things down and started to explore what drove these characters. What they wanted and why they couldn’t have it. It starts with Dean being mad at Sam for not looking for him in purgatory, which sets up the whole speech in the s8 finale of Sam’s guilt about letting Dean down, but the thing is, Dean was never honest with Sam about his year away either. He never told Sam he could have gotten out much sooner if he hadn’t stayed to find Cas. I mean Dean had assumed Sam was up there alone doing God knows what to try to bring him back, and yet still he stayed in Purgatory because things were clear there. He needed Cas. Anyway, I just find that interesting, but Cas isn’t a victim of Sam and Dean’s relationship in s8.

Who gets the honour of being cast aside? That would be Benny and Amelia, two characters they introduced in s8 specifically to highlight that Sam and Dean’s relationship doesn’t allow for anyone else to be a significant part of their life. I mean that’s nothing new, we’ve watched that happen many times before. Lisa even said as much to Dean. The thing is this time? It’s framed as a truly sad thing. That moment at the end of 8x10 when Dean has just ended things with Benny and Sam leaves Amelia, and they’re sitting alone drinking beer and watching tv is such a hollow empty moment. This is not what they want. But it’s the way things have to be.

I’m actually fascinated by Sam and Dean’s conversation in the church in the s8 finale. Not so much Dean’s assertion that there is no one else he would put before Sam, but more so what provokes it, which is Sam saying “who are you going to turn to instead of me. Another angel? Another vampire?” See the thing is Dean saying he would always put Sam first is not news. We know this and it’s not really an unhealthy statement in itself either. A lot of people would put their sibling above anything else, not less a sibling who you raised and is the most important person to you. But in this context? After what Sam said? It just highlights how unhealthy they are if Sam believes that Dean having other people in his life means he doesn’t love him enough. That he’s a disappointment to him. That’s so profoundly fucked up.

(Note, Dean tells Sam that he killed Benny for him but he doesn’t say anything about Cas. I think like I said before, this is because Cas and Dean’s relationship has largely existed out of the Sam and Dean stuff up to this point - Sam and Cas don’t even really have much of a relationship yet besides both of their connections to Dean.)

And then from here, things start getting steadily worse. But we also keep being shown how bad they are. Dean lying to Sam, taking away his free will by letting Gadreel possess him. Dean sending Cas away, Kevin dying. It’s all awful. The whole “there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you line” from 9x01 isn’t really said by Dean, it’s Gadreel, but that is how Dean feels. He does think that’s all he’s good for. And over the season we’re shown how much of himself and what he truly wants he’s had to give up because of his ingrained “Save Sammy” and “Sammy comes first” mentality. It’s always been this way for him. In 9x07 we see that he had found a happy home, a good father figure, and his first love, a first love might I add that he had to leave behind with no real explanation because Sam needed him, and Sam comes first.

I mean just one episode earlier we had him rushing out the door elated about seeing Cas and spending time with him, only for their time together to come to sad and melancholic end when Dean once again leaves Cas behind without any real explanation, because despite what he wants Sammy comes first. What he wants doesn’t matter.

See I think after the Gadreel stuff comes out is where the narrative starts to get a little wonky for me. You can clearly see that this was intended to be a shorter story that they ended up stretching out to a much longer one because of renewals. There’s also the fact that this is a formula show so they can’t necessarily be separated for longer than an episode or two. S10 is a rough one to get through at times, I think the themes still mostly hold up but it’s a rough one to get through.

S10 highlights all the connections that Dean has, Cas, Charlie, Crowley even, but Sam doesn’t really have those bonds in the same way. For Sam it’s just Dean, so he goes down a reckless destructive “do anything to save Dean!” path and so many innocents pay the price, and ultimately with the release of The Darkness, the whole world.

They skirted right up to the edge of exploring just how toxic and dangerous their relationship had become in the season 10 finale.

DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A..a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world.

I can’t say evil is the right word, they were never evil, but they were wilfully blind to everything and everyone else when it came to saving each other. S10 tested my love for the show because after watching it, because there was certainly a feeling that the two of them had become the villains of this story. And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a problem with that, it’s just after 2 seasons of this I can’t say I had a lot of faith that this was going to be properly addressed or if we were going to keep going in circles around it. Keep being shown, it’s bad and then nothing much being done to fix it. Your mileage may vary on how it was handled, but I think s11 did a relatively ok job considering it wasn’t the end of the story, and the show needed to keep going.

See from Dean’s side a lot of the codependency rests on 1. His father’s orders to always save Sammy 2. His low self-esteem where he sees himself as nothing but a blunt instrument. 3. His guilt at not being able to perfectly fulfil every familial role in Sam’s life 4. His belief that no one could choose to love him but family has to love you. 5. The unhealthy example of what it should look like to love someone that he got from John. You give up everything but them.

For Sam (and honestly it’s not as clear for me as Dean’s side is so feel free to correct me/disagree on this) 1. Everytime he’s tried to leave and create his own life it’s never ended well. 2. His guilt over wanting freedom and a normal life when he was younger (I’m referring specifically to Stanford era here) 3. His guilt over everything Dean has given up for him. 4. John. 5. Jess.

Ultimately it all comes down to isolation. They both had to be everything to each other, and the deeper they got into this fight, the more people that they lost, the tighter they clung to this notion of family and brothers. I think s11 (and 11x23 in particular) was an important turning point, both for Sam and Dean’s relationship, as well as for them as individuals. Because they weren’t alone there anymore. Cas was there. Sam let Dean walk to his death. Of course, it would devastate him, but he knew it was what had to be done. And he didn’t walk out of that bar and go back to the bunker alone. He had Cas, he had someone who cared about him and wanted to help him and talk to him. Sure Dean asked Cas to take care of Sam for him (you know after Cas offered to walk to his death with him) but Sam let him. He let him be there for him. We didn’t get to see much before the BMOL showed up and blasted Cas away, but still, we saw enough.

I think that’s a significant difference to note why their relationship was different in the Dabb era. It wasn’t just them anymore. Cas was an important member of their family and given a level of importance he’d never been given before and couldn’t have been when the story they were telling was of the dangers of their codependency. Mary was back. Eventually, Jack would become a part of their unit too. Just the two of them wasn’t enough for them anymore. This is made abundantly clear with all of Dean’s desperate attempts to get Cas to stay in s12, followed by his inability to keep going when they lose Cas and Mary in s13. Similarly, Sam really struggles when they lose Jack and fail to get Mary back later in the season.

Another big moment is Dean letting Sam go alone to lead the hunters against the BMOL in 12x22 while he stays back to try and reach Mary. Like he tells Mary, he’s had to be a brother, a father and a mother to Sam and he never stopped seeing him as his kid, but in that moment he makes a choice. He lets Sam take charge and he shows that he trusts him and believes in him. He knows he can handle it.

Sometimes it’s not even a character growth thing. Sometimes having other people there stops you from making destructive choices even though that’s still your first instinct. I’m thinking specifically of 13x21 after Sam was killed. Dean would have run headlong into that nest of vampires and got himself torn apart, but Cas was there to stop him. He was able to make him see reason.

Basically, I think that for a long time, they thought the only relationship they could have was each other, which then became a self-fulfilling prophecy because their desperate attempts to keep each other around led to them losing the people around them. They eventually started to learn that that wasn’t true, they could have more, they were allowed to want more, and that it wasn’t an either-or situation. Dean didn’t have to choose between Sam and Cas. They didn’t have to choose between each other or Jack. The same goes for Mary. Different relationships can coexist without threatening each other, and not say that their relationship in s12-15 was all smooth sailing, but it was certainly so very different from everything that came before.

(There’s maybe a point to be made about how they didn’t have anyone or anything in the finale and how that relates to the story we got, but honestly I have no idea what the intention was with any of the choices made in that episode so I’ll leave it at that for now.)

#asks #winchester brothers #my spn thoughts #long post for ts #Anonymous #spn meta

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slipper007 · 3 years

Text

I can't imagine the pain.

Word Count: 3,262

TW: child loss, grief and grieving, discussion of death. See AO3 for complete tags.

Special thanks to @angelfishofthelord and @shirtlesscastiel who both asked for a part 2, as well as @featherasscas , who's reblogged part 1 more times than I can count

Companion to this, + also on AO3. [Masterpost]

Castiel stayed on the ground, broken, for what felt like hours, lacking the strength to look away from the devastation of his grief.

He stayed there so long that the Winchesters gave up hope. They mumbled something about Chuck and the end of all things, of the ghosts that Cas’ total grief had obliterated and how they might not have been all that was released. Castiel didn’t care. He didn’t have it in him to, and maybe the Winchesters saw that. Dean tried to touch his shoulder, maybe even offer an apology, but Castiel shot him a look that ended the conversation they had been dancing around for years. They left him in that graveyard with what was left of his son.

He almost prayed, but what could an angel do to reverse God’s will? No, he needed to do something else. He was desperate enough to try anything he thought would work.

Bargaining. Maybe he could strike up another deal. Whatever the price was, he would pay it happily. He would give his life in a heartbeat, just like before, if it would bring Jack back.

He reached out to Death directly.

He felt Billie’s presence before he saw them and slowly turned as they offered a laid back “Hey.”

“Bring him back.”

“Can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Both,” Billie replied. They raised a brow as Castiel drew his blade. “Killing me again? That seems a little redundant.”

“If you won’t bring him back then maybe your replacement will.”

“Everything has its time, Castiel and everything dies.”

“And it wasn’t his time! His story isn’t done!”

“God said otherwise.”

“You’re going to let God do your job? Kill Jack and wreck the order?”

“God isn’t wrecking anything. Every story has different endings. This was one.”

“Then change it.”

“It’s already happened. It can’t be undone.” Billie’s voice was gentler than Castiel expected when they continued. “It’s not fair, or kind, or right, but it’s life. You need to make your peace with that.”

“No.” Billie’s brows drew together and if Castiel didn’t know better, he would think that it was from pity. Even as he spoke, he felt the tip of his angel blade drop. “I can’t accept this, he can’t be...”

“He is. And nothing you do will change that, regardless of what your time with the Winchesters has taught you.”

Castiel felt the lurching ill sensation rise up again.

“What if I go to the Empty directly?”

“Then you die. It keeps both you and Jack. But you know how the Empty works.”

“I still won’t get to see him...say anything...”

Billie touched his shoulder, a rare gesture of remorse from Death incarcerate. “He’s gone, Castiel, but he can live on in you.”

Castiel didn’t answer, and Death left him to grieve.

Even as time ticked by, Castiel was at a loss for what to do. In the dust, he drew the Enochian sigil to create a portal to Heaven, paid it enough attention that for a moment he could pretend Jack was sitting in the truck playing on his phone.

Castiel almost called his brothers and sisters down to open the portal, to take both Jack and him from the Earth, to let them rest for the first time in years. He wanted Jack to know the peace that used to exist in Heaven, the safety of the place he had once called home. More than that, he wanted to be at peace, to quell the anguish and anger writhing in his chest. It would be easier to go back to proper angelhood, forget what it was to feel.

Emotions had never brought him anything but trouble. They’d lost him his family, his home, his friends, his life…

Still, his tongue wouldn’t speak the words to bring his siblings down. He remembered how they’d treated Jack, and him. The angels had manipulated Jack just as the Winchesters had, and they would do so again if given the chance.

Even dead, Jack could still be used as a weapon. His body harbored the remains of not only nephil grace, but also that of the archangel Michael. Those were both cosmic; they would endure longer than his body.

As much as it sickened him, Castiel realized a hard truth.

Not only was Jack unable to come back, but it wasn’t enough to simply lay him to rest. His body needed to be destroyed so completely that he could never be manipulated again.

He only knew one person he could even start to trust with something like that.

“Hello, tweetie pie,” Rowena answered. “Is this a social call?”

“No, I need your help.”

“Now as much as I’d like to, I’m busy. Tell the Winchesters—”

“This isn’t for them,” he said, words coming out harsher than intended. He took a breath and added a gentler, “Please, this is important.”

“More important than—”

“Yes. Can you meet me at...” Castiel faltered. The Bunker wasn’t an option, and he certainly wasn’t going to stay where he was, surrounded by death, destruction, and his son’s wings scorched into the earth. “Uh…”

“I’ll need some time to tie things up in Nevada. Could you perhaps meet me halfway?

“Yes.” Castiel breathed a sigh of relief. “In Colorado? Grand Junction?”

“Alright,” Rowena agreed. “Now tell me what it is you need so I can prepare.”

“I need you to help me burn a body.” He risked a glance to Jack, feeling bile rise up. “So completely that he can’t come back.”

“Dearie—”

“I can’t talk more; I’ll see you tomorrow,” Castiel blurted, hanging up before what little control he had over his emotions could slip.

The drive was even harder than watching him die.

He talked and played music, anything to avoid the screaming silence, the way Jack was growing cold and stiff beside him. It didn’t work. His mind still repeated the horrified knowledge of “this was your child,” a broken record he feared would never stop.

Neither of them would recover from this.

He arrived after Rowena and nearly cried as she offered him a smile in her prim and proper way and asked if Jack would be joining them or staying in the car.

He didn’t know what gave it away. The unnatural stillness and silence of the car, one that he’d grappled with for hundreds of miles, perhaps. Maybe it was a witch’s intuition, since she’d seen enough over the last several hundred years. Maybe it was because he couldn’t answer her, or even look her in the eyes.

“Oh,” was all she said before embracing him. He couldn’t return it. He couldn’t tear his mind from the hug he had given Jack in the graveyard, how he hadn’t hugged back, how he’d kneeled rather than fight, and how he’d died even when Dean couldn’t go through with it. How it felt to hold Jack, limp and soundless in his arms.

The dam broke, and all that pain and grief and anger nearly brought him to his knees.

Rowena saw it: how broken he was, how broken he’d always been. He didn’t know who he was anymore if he wasn’t a father or an angel, yet he was neither anymore. What was he supposed to do now?

Maybe she understood that. She had suffered the loss of a loved one, too. She knew what it was to watch the world die around her, to lose herself for a time.

When Castiel was able to collect himself, pull the broken shards of his being back together, Rowena asked something that almost tore him apart again.

“Dearie, are you sure you want to…”

“I can’t bring him back. I talked to Death, and I can’t bring him back,” Castiel said softly. “I can’t have someone take advantage of what’s… left.”

“But something so permanent…”

“I would do it myself,” he offered, “but I seem to have fallen.”

Rowena gave him a strange look, the likes of which he hadn’t received in years, so he explained.

“I felt it. Something in me breaking. The emotion growing stronger. I don’t know how to describe it… It felt like when the angels fell. The same kind of desperation.”

“My dear, you’re still an angel. You still have your powers.” She looked him up and down. “Maybe you’re not as powerful as you once were, and you’re a smidge weaker than last we saw each other, but you’re far from powerless.”

Castiel looked away, lost.

“Maybe you can’t do it because you don’t want to,” she offered gently.

“What I want is for him to come back. But he needs to be….” He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

Rowena nodded, understanding.

They found somewhere private, somewhere quiet outside the city. The trees stood tall and proud and vibrantly alive. A felled one became the pyre.

Castiel placed Jack on it, still wrapped in the trenchcoat.

The flames that swallowed him were brilliantly red, orange, and gold like the ochre rocks on the horizon.

It took hours, even with the help of magic. Castiel stood by Jack’s side for all of it, even long after the embers had cooled and all that was left was a small pile of ash and smudges of soot. Rowena collected it up in a jar as the sun rose, and Castiel took it in his hands.

It never should have ended like this.

The day carried on as if Castiel’s world hadn’t ended hours ago. He was grateful to Rowena for what she had done, but even sitting in her kitchen he was too lost in grief to thank her.

Standing by a whistling teapot, she finally asked, “Would you like to talk about the wee boy?”

“It hurts too much.” Castiel bit into his lip, hard. What did it say about him, that he could hardly even say Jack’s name? Shame bubbled up, hatred of himself swift to follow.

“It hurts because of how much you loved him.”

“I still love him.”

“Yes.”

The pair fell silent for a long while and Rowena set a cup of hot tea in front of Cas before settling into her own seat.

“Rowena…”

“Yes, tweetie pie?”

“When did losing Oscar stop hurting?”

Rowena bowed her head, and Castiel knew the answer.

“It didn’t,” she finally said. “Just as losing Fergus hasn’t stopped hurting.”

Castiel’s instinct was right. This was something he would never recover from, would he?

“It’s a different kind of hurt, with time,” Rowena offered. “It stops being so keen. You survive and you try to carry on without them, because that’s what they would have wanted.” She stared deep into her tea. “You learn to talk about them, and to them, even though they’re gone.”

Castiel nodded and held his tea closer. He couldn’t see that happening, not with how much it hurt, but she was right: he would survive. With Jack gone, his deal would never come due. Happiness wouldn’t kill him because he would never feel it again.

Rowena offered him a place to stay for a few weeks, but Castiel declined. He couldn’t stay there, not where the earth was scorched and the air still smelled faintly of smoke. Instead, Castiel drove for hours, not paying much attention to where he was going until he found himself parked outside of the Bunker.

It wasn’t where he wanted to be, not by a longshot, but he had something he needed to do. The door creaked as loudly as it always had, and Castiel was halfway across the library before a voice called out to him.

“Cas.”

Dean.

“I’m here for his things. Then I’ll be on my way.”

“Cas, hey. Stop for a moment, would you?”

Castiel did.

“Look, alright.” Dean walked over until they could look each other in the eye. “I’m not proud of how everything went down. And I’ve given what you said some thought. You’re right. It is our fault, but it’s Chuck’s, too, man. You gotta see that.”

“What I see is that you’re finding any excuse you can to get the blame off yourself.”

Dean’s eyes darkened.

“Chuck has been toying with us—”

“No, you made the decision to kill him, just as I made the decision not to. You told me to get onboard or walk away, and I left you and Chuck both of my own choice. Because you taught me that people and families and love are worth fighting for, and I was going to fight for him!” Castiel tried to keep the waver out of his voice as tears brimmed in his eyes. “Chuck couldn’t have changed that even if he’d tried.”

“Maybe he didn’t want to, huh? You think of that? Maybe he wants us divided.”

“You should have thought about that before you tried to execute him in front of me.”

“Cas—”

“You had a choice and you made the wrong one.”

Castiel left him there in the library and locked himself in Jack’s room. Almost instantly, it proved to be too much, and he slumped down against the door, sobbing.

The room was holding its breath, waiting for Jack to come home. A half-read book sat on the desk, a few stray papers underneath. A pile of clothes waited patiently to be returned to a drawer. The nightstand was bare save for a pencil. One good deed….

Castiel packed it all away. He hated himself for destroying the illusion, for leaving the room as empty as his chest felt, but what he was waiting for would never happen. Jack would never walk through that door again. The decoder ring in the drawer would never be used. Everything had fallen into ruin.

He managed to get the first box into his truck with no issues, no run-ins or confrontations. The second box was smaller, and he rested it on a hip as he closed the bedroom door for the last time.

This time, he wasn’t so lucky. Dean watched him cross the room and quietly said, “You’re not the only one grieving him.”

“It’s not the same, Dean. You never felt his soul. You never took the time to know him: you spent your time trying to make up for wanting him dead. Well, you got what you wanted.”

Dean flinched at that, but Castiel didn’t care. His son was nothing but ash and a box and a half of belongings. Anger flared again.

“You think angels can’t feel.” He laughed bitterly. “Even though I’ve proven that wrong. Did you think killing him wouldn’t kill me, too? As if I haven’t given more for him than you could possibly imagine. As much as you’ve given for Sam. My life. My happiness… I signed away my future in a heartbeat so that he could come back and I would do it again. I tried to do it again.”

If only it would have worked.

“Wait, what?”

“I made a deal to save him. When I’m happy, the Empty will take me forever.”

Dean gaped at him in horror.

“Cas, what’ve you done?”

“What I had to. What any father would do. Don’t give me that look. You’ve done worse for Sam.”

“And it’s always come back to bite me in the ass.”

“Well, I haven’t been happy in years, so don’t worry about the deal.”

“You shouldn’t have made it in the first place.”

“Oh, so now only you get to make deals to save the people you love? Only you get to cheat death time and time again while the rest of us suffer?” Castiel looked at him incredulously, anger seeping through him. “Do you know how many brothers I’ve lost? Sisters? Friends? Now Jack. Why can’t I save them? Why should they stay dead when you and your brother have been raised so many times?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it. We would have figured it out without making the deal!”

“We didn’t have the time! If I hadn’t made the deal I would have lost him forever, right then and there. I couldn’t stand by and watch him die!”

It would have killed him. And it had.

“We would have figured it out,” Dean maintained. “Like we always do!”

Castiel shook his head. “Then you figure it out. If you bring him back, I’ll be back, but until then…” Castiel looked around the wide expanse of the Bunker with a strange longing. This had never been home, but it could have been, just as his friendship with the Winchesters could have been more. He was leaving behind an almost.

“Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.”

“Cas, wait.”

As angry and tired as he was—as they both were—Castiel wanted to. A decade of comradeship, of camaraderie and pining, did that, made him reluctant to leave. Then he remembered standing between Dean and Jack, realizing that if that gun went off, he’d lose them both. He knew now that he’d lost them both long before that.

“Goodbye, Dean.”

It was years before they saw each other again.

It took longer than Castiel could ever admit to find peace.

He still ached for Jack to come back, felt the pain in every drawn breath, but Rowena was right. Billie was right. The anger lessened and the pain dulled. He missed his son but Jack would have wanted him to try to move on. He would have wanted Cas to be happy, despite the deal still hanging over his head even if Castiel couldn’t see it ever coming to fruition now. He owed it to Jack to try to be happy.

And he would. He had to. No matter how much it hurt, even if he still wanted nothing more than to bring him back or follow him in death. Jack survived through him, in his memories and his love. He couldn’t let what was left of his son go like that.

He’d moved to Washington, made a home of where Jack had been born and Kelly had died. Where he had burned. It was a little too empty, full of broken promises and loss and regret, as if it, too, struggled to let go. One day it would. Another family would come and clean it out, fill this home with love as it always should have been. Children would run out to the sand, oblivious of the ash mixed in, while their parents painted over Kelly’s mural and took down the pale yellow curtains that had reminded Cas of honey.

One day, all memory of Jack and the world his parents had tried to give him would be gone. But it wouldn’t be today.

Castiel made his way outside, stood where the rift had first appeared. If he looked closely, he could still see the imprint of wings in the earth. This was where he and Kelly had both burned.

Cautiously, Castiel looked to the sky, the twinkling lights of stars against an unpolluted sky. Jack loved space. He would have loved it here, able to see the stars every night without fail.

It was time to let go.

Gently, Castiel let the ash catch in the breeze, wander everywhere it liked and more until it was gone. Jack was gone.

Castiel swallowed hard and tilted his head back up to the sky, to the light of a thousand stars. If he looked hard enough, he could see the golden twinkle of Jack’s grace reflecting back, his eyes glowing against a sea of blue.

“Hello, Jack.”

196 notes · View notes

icefire149 · 3 years

Note

Megstiel cause you are making me think about it more and with the #1 prompt please <3

It's HERE!!! I really hope you enjoy this, because I had a blast writing. <3333333333

#1 “Why do you have to look at me like that? It’s making me weak, please stop.” - Meg/Castiel

“How long do you think dumb and dumber are gonna be?” Meg asked pointing in the direction the brothers went with her thumb.

Cas’ eyebrows pinched together in initial confusion before process of elimination logically brought him to what the demon was referring to. Roughly.

Sighing, Meg crossed her arms as she leaned against the side of the impala. “We really need to prioritize your movie education.”

“Oh.” The lines in his face smoothed out. “So this isn’t about Sam and Dean?”

An amused grin curved on Meg’s face. “Well, I’m glad you at least got the gist. And yeah, I was talking about those two.”

“Not too long,” Cas answered, letting his eyes wander over to the convenience store window. The corner of his mouth moved an uptick the second his stare found Dean tossing something small in Sam’s direction. “Now was a good time for a supply run. We don’t know if Crowley will be waiting in front or behind us.”

Meg rolled her eyes. “I’d rather get in and get out as quickly as possible.” She paused and then considered, “Though, I wouldn’t mind rubbing the tablet in Crowley’s face.”

“It would be most beneficial if we didn’t cross paths with him at all tonight.” The command lessened in his tone as Cas shifted his gaze back to her.

She quirked an eyebrow. “Are we suddenly pacifists now?” Her arms fell back to her sides, exasperated. “Again!” And then, Meg felt like she was burning.

An intensity ignited in Cas’ eyes as he trailed over every speckle of blood and bruise that was visible on her skin. He curled his fingers gently around her wrist and raised it closer to his eye level, studying the gauze. Slowly, he looked up through his lashes. “Yes.”

A strangled gasp slipped from Meg’s mouth, but Cas didn’t acknowledge it as he glanced back to her wrist, worrying about his handiwork.

“I asked Dean to buy more bandages,” he confessed. “I hope he remembers. This will need to be rewrapped later.”

Her lips trembled at the timbre of his voice. “Why do you have to look at me like that?”

“Like what?” Cas raised a coy eyebrow.

“Knock it off,” she bit, but Meg had yet to pull her hand out of his light grip. “Like I’m something fragile….something worth..preserving.” Her voice fell to a hushed whisper by the final word.

The intensity in Cas’ gaze softened. He stepped forward, and heartbeat by heartbeat, she eased into the warmth of his presence.

“It’s making me weak, please stop,” Meg breathed. “I can’t...”

“It’s your vulnerability to give. When you choose it.” A small, genuine smile grew on his face. “But regardless, I do think you’re worth preserving.”

She stared at him a moment, digesting his words. It wasn’t that long ago that Meg would’ve found this situation sickening. Feelings were cheap manipulation, but….that wasn’t what was happening here. And….that revelation was leaving her almost dumbstruck.

The corner of Cas’ smile hooked playfully as it grew some more, and Meg knew that she’d been transparent. “Oh?” Meg lifted her chin higher and moved a fraction closer. “I didn’t take you as the bleeding heart type when your head is screwed on right.”

The increase of warmth prickling his skin was the last thing Cas perceived before he was suddenly elsewhere. He blinked. His hand was empty.

“Castiel.”

His gaze snapped to the source of the sound immediately. “Naomi.” He didn’t know how he knew that or why her displeased look made his wings itch to uncurl.

“I thought we were just using the vile blight to find the angel tablet.”

And then, the truth flashed before his eyes. Ah. He could feel the hooks buried deep in the core of his being. Tethering him to this place. His gaze narrowed.

“Is that no longer the case?” Naomi asked, lacing her fingers together and placing them on the desk in front of her.

“We are.”

Cas’ words hung in the air for several moments while Naomi stared back at him. And then, she smiled. “I don’t believe you.”

The smirk on Meg’s face wavered as Cas didn’t react right away. “Heh, did I hit a nerve, Casanova?”

But, Cas’ blue eyes grew vacant as the moment ticked on by. The fingers curled around her wrist let go, and his hand fell limply at his side.

“Hey!” Meg yelled, fear sharp in her voice. She snapped her fingers in his face. “Earth to Clarence.”

A thick bead of blood formed in the corner of Cas’ eye and then started smearing down his cheek.

Naomi sighed, stepping away from the chair Castiel was strapped down to. “I can’t believe I almost forgot about the demon.” Her fingertips were stained with the spatter of blood. “Your behavior today is making more sense. Disgusting.”

Cas followed her movements throughout the room with the eye she didn’t violate in her rummaging through his memories. He swallowed thickly.

“When I restored you to working order after purgatory, I severed those emotional ties. But it seems I didn’t cut nearly deep enough.” Naomi pivoted on her heel. “First the hunter, and now this demon,” She snarled. “What is wrong with you that you’d rather drop to your knees and worship at the feet of recrement.”

“It’s irrelevant to our mission,” Cas said, hoping to redirect her train of thought. “You’re wasting time. We need to find that tablet. Now.”

Naomi crossed her arms. “And what do you suggest?”

“Let me go-”

She laughed, and shook her head incredulously.

“-and we can resume this conversation once I retrieve the tablet. Heaven and the mission comes first.”

They stared at each other in silence until finally Naomi gave her answer, “Fine.” She crossed back over to the chair, and picked up her drill once more. “But after I make a few improvements.”

Without a second thought, Meg barreled into the angel. Her hands latched onto both sides of his face, but he still didn’t react at all. She stared into his eyes, looking for any spark of life. He felt like solid stone under her touch. “Castiel!”

And in a blink-you-would’ve-missed-it moment, there was a flash of light. That’s all the hope she needed. Meg pulled his face to hers, silently begging that he wouldn’t collapse like a stack of bricks, and kissed him.

Weakly, he pressed into her lips and Meg pulled back. “What the fuck was that? Where did you-” Her rage died down just as quick as it flared.

Gradually, Cas raised his hands to cover over hers on his face. He woozily shifted his weight on his feet. More blood, so much more, gushed from his eye. “Mm-meg?”

A nervous chuckle pried her mouth into a tiny smile. “Hey, I’m right here. Try not to go fluttering off again.”

“I-” Cas squished his eyes shut as he focused. “Someone in Heaven is….hur-hurting mm...me.” His hands slid forward down her wrists and then up her arms. It was there that he paused and curled his fingers around her like a lifeline.

“I need to know who I’m plucking and roasting on a spit. Give me a name.” She searched his face for any kind of clue, but there was nothing other than the answer trapped in his throat.

Meg glanced back over towards the store. She couldn’t see the Winchesters, but she knew they’d be out any minute now. Gritting her teeth, it wasn’t soon enough.

“Is it still happening now?” Meg asked, turning back to the angel. She felt like an idiot as a new pulse of blood gushed from his eye as he nodded.

“If you weren’t the most headache inducing light, you’d actually be fascinating.” Naomi frowned, ignoring the screams below her. “My work is easier conceptualized as a sculpting craft. Shaping and carving….it’s so much more hands on.” Her gaze slid to the drill in her hand.

As an extension of her will, she dug deep into Castiel’s memory. His light was spun into complex webs of memories. Every taut string, if plucked was thunderous with emotion.

“And it’s fitting. Like our father at his workbench, I make angels.” A fond smile tugged at her lips as she severed a chord here and loosened another there. “But that’s not accurate. Angels are so different from carbon based life. It’s much more like tuning a stubborn instrument, but when I’m done Heaven is harmonious once again.”

The next section she reached for soured her mood. “I know I fixed this. You keep doing this Castiel.” Naomi shook her head. “How do you keep finding ways to bridge new pathways to these areas, again and again?”

“I...don’t know-” Cas opened his eyes. The right was so sticky with blood. “-h-how long until….or if I’ll even re-remember this.” His grip on Meg’s arms loosened some.

“Okay,” Meg answered. Her mind hadn’t stopped trying to think of solutions, but she was at a loss. How do you strategize for this? What even-

And then, Castiel flopped forward. He bowed his head, sinking into the space between her shoulder and neck.

Meg’s eye twitched as she fought against the smile her mouth desperately wanted to curl into. How did her life reach this level of insanity? She was long past her threshold of touchy-feely stuff, and yet, her traitorous hands were already comforting him. One was planted on his back and the other was softly carding through his hair. A part of her wanted to laugh at the ridiculous sight they must’ve made.

“Mm-my head feels scra-ammbled.”

And his quiet mumble knocked a laugh out of her. Meg’s fingers curled tightly in his hair. “You look like it...although I think your egg is a bit runny.” His body trembled under her fingertips. “And before you ask, yes, that was a joke.”

“I feel like...I-I could almost put myself back together…..she’s ru-rushing-”

“Clarence, spit a name out.”

“-bubut it’s li-like the pieces are….just ou-out of reach.”

“We can’t help without the name. Think!”

Cas shifted his head so his cheek was firmly pressed against her. He spoke in a quiet voice, “I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”

That was the last thing on Meg’s mind. His admission was paralyzing as was his breath against her skin. The heat sent a shiver down her spine.

“I’m sorry,” he confessed again.

The angel’s lips were only a fraction away from her neck. It was agonizing. “So, what’s the game plan?” Her voice came out strained. Meg needed to focus.

“Find the….the tablet and..figure out the re-rest when we gget there.”

Other fics from this round of prompts

Previous round of prompts

#spn #meg masters #megstiel #my writing #goodbye stranger #again i feel the need to apologize because this was supposed to be a fluff prompt but my brain ran off into the sunset with this

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coureirsix · 3 years

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okay sam winchester discussion hours NOW do we remember how the mark of cain was such a big deal for dean and outside of being dean winchester’s sexiest arc it was also a big deal!! for sam!!! who was trying his damndest to get dean not only back but also fixed right it was a whole thing.

well this is where the writers fucked up (surprise) because the solution to mark of cain demon!dean was literally inside sam the entire time!!!! this could have been the resolution to the entire powers/demon blood thing!!!

because. because because BECAUSE. what would sam winchester think, when he sees his brother gladly proclaim he’s a demon and go out murdering and hurting people for funsies, and when he’s not even sure if the demon cure will WORK because with crowley it had to be the purified blood from the trials and whatever u know, that whole thing. WELL!!! I’ll tell you what panicked, upset, and desperate sam winchester would think. h i m s e l f. he’d remember that there is one sure thing that he knows of that can hurt and control demons. himself.

and he’d lie in his room and angst about it like his dean before him, obviously. but it’d be sam! having memories about what the demon blood did to him. remembering ruby almost fondly. and he’d do that shaky breath and make his little sam noises. and he’d walk out one day, find himself a nice seedy bar. find himself a demon making deals. probably some random woman because it’s spn. and he’d go to town on her. just. i mean all but drain her you know.

and sam would basically go on like this for a while. it’d go unnoticed mostly by cas, because we’d see it from his pov a lot more. every now and then he gets a call from sam asking if he’s heard a word on dean. everything’s chill. cas shows up at the bunker and sam’s out. sam comes back very energized. sam has also been exorcising demons with his mind again. he’s sooo much better than he was in s4. he snaps and the demon dies, saving the host. sam can control demons’ actions with his mind. sam is powerful. his eyes go over black for a bit every now and then.

and so when sam finally does find dean. and they have their fight. dean is getting the upperhand, sam’s on the ground, eyes wide with that same pitiful look that sam has mastered when in trouble. and suddenly dean hunches over in excruciating pain because sam has his hand out and is essentially crushing the demonic soul in him. dean gets a little laugh in, comments on something about sam going darkside whatever.

and it’s different this time, mostly, for sam. mostly because he doesnt have ruby insisting he do one thing or another. and his endgame is getting dean back. and so this way dean is incapacitated, sam is able to get the demon cuffs on him and get his brother back into the bunker.

and then comes the confrontation in the bunker. dean gets the jump on sam and sam just slams his brother back away, with his powers. and sam’s been juicing up this whole time still, you see. because his new plan is to essentially squeeze the demonic force out of dean. he has no idea what repercussions this may have but this is what he’s got. and he’s got faith in it because sam could once overpower the father of all demons. he can do this.

and so sam is there on one end of the hallway and dean is on the other end. sam is going ghost so hard his own eyes have blackened over and he’s just. really going for it. dean is pressed up against the wall and there’s black smoke seeping out of his pores and his eyes and his ears. it’s like he’s burning, too, except there’s no fire.

eventually, dean stops struggling. the smoke stops seeping from his body and dean collapses onto all fours. he’s panting, he’s tired. sam is on the other end, on the ground, passed out. dean is immediately returned to his usual self-hating, guilty self and is on sam in a second and dean’s hurt, dean is crying because he’s aware of what he made sam do, he made sam get the demon blood.

sam would recover, and it’d be the whole deal of detoxing and everything but it’d come back and they’d eventually have a discussion about it where sam says he sorta knew that he always had it in him. he could always Be that guy. and dean would say some self righteous shit about there being another way and sam would say something like he didn’t have time to research another way. he wasn’t sure anything would even work and this was a for sure thing. because dean is sam’s responsibility as much as sam is dean’s. sam had to fix this issue with his brother for the world, for dean, and for himself. dean would say something in argument and sam would snap back that dean went to hell for sam. dean would snap back that sam did, too. and sam would argue that sam took lucifer out for the world. and this he did explicitly for dean. like how dean went to hell explicitly for sam. and sam would simply insist that he is and always will be more than prepared to follow dean into the dark if it means saving him.

dean would get quiet. and surprise it would result in the next few days that. well. sam ingested. wayyyy too much demon blood. so now he’s just kinda telekinetic. and it doesnt even have to be a huge thing. he can literally be matilda. that they’re off until he feels enough intense emotion like when he opened that closet door. bing boom bang bong youre fucking welcome eric kripke

#.txt #LONG POST #SUPERNATURAL #sam winchester #im so mad every day we didnt get demon sam back #every day i go bonkers

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shaz-ni · 3 years

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Everyone thinks Cas only one who had free will because chuck wasn't controlling him but it was basically just Cas transferring his loyalty and devotation to Dean instead of God and heaven. Like he went from I serve my father and heaven, I will die for my father and heaven to I serve Dean and I will die for Dean.

And Dean just like God and heaven expected him to be a tool, to give him one hundred percent loyalty and follow orders without question.

And just like with heaven if he questioned orders or done anything for himself he was punished. Except with Dean the punishment wasn't quite as harsh as heaven. Dean's punishments were hurtful words like no one cares your broken or your dead to me and the silent treatment and orders to go to hell and abandonment once in hell which wasn't quite as harsh as literal torture or mind programming.

So because Dean was slightly less harsh on him Cas thought his new God was the most selfless loving caring person he ever knew. Once upon a time he had the same complete awe and faith in Chuck.

Like even his "we are real" scene. Cas desperately needed something to be real. For there to be some divine righteous being for him to serve because as much as free will was talked about Cas never had it.

He never got out of the mindset he had to serve someone, he had to be useful to have a meaning, his whole perceived purpose of himself was to be a sacrifice when the right time came.

He never learnt he mattered or he could be his own person. We came close in s15 ep03 he stood up for himself he left but then he came back because he had to serve had to be useful in the fight.

And his death scene wasn't really free will it was him giving up his life for this new God that Dean had become in his mind. Like that speech made Dean into some kind of God no one on this earth is the most selfless the most caring the most loving person that has never done anything wrong and has no faults unless you view them in some unrealistic Godlike pedestal. He paid his undying love and worship to his new God before laying down his life.

And I think Chuck knew this and was mocking it. He watched Dean and Cas and he pulled Cas on his self loathing and how he never done what he told because he knew Cas would hang himself on the metaphoric rope. The rope being Dean.

It wasn't that Chuck by blindsided or didn't notice Cas. Why bother with someone you know is going to do your own dirty work for you. Cas was going to doom himself completely on his own.

Chuck likely helped it along by nudging events to happen like Dean's prayer. The prayer was very likely Chuck's doing because at the time Chuck was trying to break Sam by telling him that him and Dean needed others that Dean would give up without others and him and Sam alone wasn't enough for Dean.

Chuck showed Sam a future where Dean gives up because Cas is in box and their other friends die whilst Chuck is forcing a situation where Dean is crying over Cas and not by Sam's side.

Two birds with one stone, try to weaken one target (Sam's) faith while strengthening the other targets faith (Cas) in the rope (Dean) that Cas is going to hang himself on.

If anything Cas was the one who Chuck got most satisfaction with. He let the story write itself apart from directing a few scenes with Dean and he got his tragic twisted story. The self loathing angel who longed to serve to be useful sacrificed himself for the man he had transferred all his loyalty to.

It was his happiness moment just saying he loved him and dooming himself into the empty a place worse than hell while the object of his affection had no reaction, didn't care and instantly forgot he had ever existed.

Chuck would of seen it as some type of mix between tragic storytelling of unrequited love and revenge on Cas for worshipping a fake God.

#anti destiel #anti dean winchester #cas never had free will #dean was Cas' new god #chuck loved cas' ending #cas was never free #cas deserved better

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bi-bard · 3 years

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Uncle Garth - Garth Fitzgerald IV Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: Uncle Garth

Pairing: Garth Fitzgerald X Platonic!Reader

Requested: by @greatpsychicflowerbanana

Word Count: 1,535 words

Warning(s): mentions of demon Dean, nightmares, and violence

Summary: (Season 10) Sam is desperate to get his brother back after he turns into a demon. Sam doesn't think he can be a good example to (Y/n); who they were raising as their kid, so he calls in some extra help.

Author's Note: I think Garth would love to be an uncle, even if it's not biological.

Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

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I walked out into the library when I heard another voice in the bunker. I won't lie, I had my hopes up. The voice was far enough that I knew it was there but it wasn't distinctive.

After Dean left, I was spending almost every day in fear and just hoping. I was checking the news constantly, trying to find some kind of trail to follow. It wasn't going well. Sam mentioned some other options but didn't go into detail.

I knew by the time I reached the doorway to the library that it wasn't Dean.

"Garth," I said in a questioning tone as I walked in.

"Hey kiddo," he greeted, waving at me.

I walked over and hugged him for a moment before stepping back, "What're you doing here?"

He and Sam just looked at each other for a moment. I furrowed my eyebrows, now upset and confused.

"I was thinking that you could go stay with Garth and his wife for a little while," Sam explained. "Get you outta the bunker for a little while."

"But Dean's still out there," I argued. "I have a job to do."

"And you can still do it but being here isn't going to be good for you," he said.

"Sam-"

"(Y/n)," Sam cut me off. He took a deep breath. "Please."

I was going to argue more but Sam's face broke my heart. I finally sighed and nodded before he pulled me into a tight hug.

"I love you, kid, okay," he mumbled. "You're not going away forever. Just to keep you safe. Then, you'll come back and it'll all be so much better."

I nodded against his chest before stepping back, "I'm gonna go pack a bag."

Sam and Garth both nodded and I walked back out.

I packed some clothes, some books, my journals (one personal and one hunting-related), and a few framed photos because I didn't know how long I was going to be there.

One was me with Dean, Sam, and Cas. I don't know how we looped him into that. Another was the well-known pre-first-fight-with-Lucifer photo. The third was just Dean and me, taken by Sam right before Dean taught me to drive the impala. We liked to joke that it was the most scared Dean had ever looked.

I put my bag over my shoulder before walking back out to the library. Garth and Sam were mumbling back and forth but stopped abruptly when they saw me.

"Ready," Garth asked. I nodded and grabbed my bag for me. "Good, the missus is getting a special dinner ready."

I smiled and chuckled. I had only met her once but I already adored his wife.

I hugged Sam again, holding back tears. I heard him take a deep breath; he was holding his tears in too.

"See you soon, Sammy," I muttered. "Love you."

"Love you too," he kissed the top of my head.

As Garth and I walked out, I turned back to Sam again, waving at him. He waved back with a clearly forced smile.

Then, I was gone.

--time skip--

The next few weeks were nice.

Despite the pain of knowing I couldn't see the men that I knew as my fathers, Garth and his wife worked hard to help me feel at home.

The first night was the worst.

Dinner was great and I made sure both of them knew I was grateful but I was still awkward and a little cold. I also felt bad because I kept them up that night with nightmares that I just couldn't escape.

The days got better. I helped Bess with the chores. Garth and I talked about hunting and the adventures I had been on since we had seen each other.

It was nice. It felt like I was staying with extended family.

The nights didn't get better. I constantly had nightmares. They were usually about Dean. He would be a demon and would track me down, hunting me. Just before he could kill me, I would wake up. It was awful.

One night, I stayed up in the living room, not wanting to fall asleep because I didn't want to have that nightmare again.

"(Y/n)," I jumped, looking over to see Garth. He was clearly tired.

"Sorry, did I wake you," I asked, feeling guilty.

"No," he shook his head. "I was heading to the bathroom and noticed your door open and you weren't there."

I looked down at my lap, messing with my fingers.

"Why are you up," he asked.

"I...I wanted to avoid my nightmares," I muttered.

Garth walked over and sat next to me on the couch, "Tell me about them."

I told him the whole story. Exactly what I dreamed about all the time.

Garth nodded along, letting me rant and ramble for however long I needed to. Once I was done, Garth let me rest on his shoulder.

"You know one thing I noticed in that journal you showed me," he asked.

It was the hunting one. The other was a day-by-day one that no one got to read.

"What?"

"How you describe the brothers," he answered. "You're scared now but... you see them as heroes. Dean has saved you from everything and he's made you feel so happy whenever you save him. You are his kid. I can promise you that Dean- no matter if possessed or turned or what- would never hurt you. Because you're his kid; he's your dad."

"I just... I miss him," I mumbled, tears falling from my eyes. "I'm scared about what he's going to be like when I see him again."

Garth shifted, hugging me to his side, "I know, I know. But he's gonna be alright. It's Dean. He'll come back and he'll be so happy to see you."

"Thanks," I said. "I needed that."

"Nothing Uncle Garth can't solve."

I laughed, reaching up to wipe my eyes.

We sat there for a while. I fell asleep after a few hours, sleeping better on the couch than I had in the guest room.

When I woke up the next morning, I was curled into the pillow with a blanket thrown over me. Garth was pacing in the connected kitchen, mumbling through the phone.

"Yeah, yeah, we'll be heading out soon," he mumbled. "See you tonight."

"Who was that," he jumped when I spoke. I held my hands up.

"Sam," he smiled. "Go get your stuff."

"Wait, that means-"

"Just go get your stuff," Garth shooed me out of the room. "We'll get breakfast on the way there!"

--time skip--

Garth put the car in park outside of the bunker but I froze.

They were all waiting for me. Sam, Cas... and Dean. I felt tears build up in my eyes.

"Hey," I looked at Garth, who was giving me a comforting smile. "It's still Dean. Sam told me he cured him and made sure."

I nodded, looking back out at the trio.

"I'll grab your bag."

I slowly got out of the car along with Garth. Dean took a few steps forward, grinning at me. I took a few slow steps, looking him over like I didn't trust him.

"Hey kid," Dean said quietly when he saw my hesitance.

I ran over, nearly tackling him in a hug, making him chuckle lightly. My tears started falling and I started shaking as soon as he hugged me back.

"Dean," I mumbled, more like a question than a statement.

"It's me, kid," he promised. I hid my face in his shoulder. "I'm back."

"I missed you," I muttered.

"I know, Sam told me about your research," he replied.

Garth handed my bag to Cas.

Dean stepped back enough to touch the side of my face. That's when I noticed that he was crying too. He grinned at me, making me grin back.

"Well, I gotta get back to Bess soon," Garth said.

"Wait," I called, running over to give him a quick hug. "Thank you. Both of you."

"Don't mention it, kiddo," Garth stepped back. "Go see your dads."

I nodded, walking back over to Dean, who pulled me back into another hug.

Once Garth had pulled out to the road, we all went inside.

"Come on," Dean started dragging me to the kitchen. "I made burgers!"

I laughed at his excitement. The drive from Garth's house was pretty long so it was around dinnertime now.

Soon, we were all sitting around the table, enjoying dinner, even Cas. We were talking, reconnecting.

"(Y/n)," Sam said during a quiet moment. "I just want to apologize for sending you away. I didn't think I was doing a good job being there for you-"

"I get it," I cut him off. "It's okay. You were saving Dean and did the best thing you could for me. You protected me from having to see Dean as something he wasn't. Thank you."

He grinned.

I stood up and walked around the table and hugged him tightly. He hugged me back.

"Thank you," I repeated.

"You're welcome," he replied. I stood back and went back to my spot.

I had my family back and I loved them. That was all that mattered to me.

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